#to trigger that same feeling in my body | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ghwosty · 9 months

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Ya know how I've been saying "oh I haven't had the nightmares related to the emotions I felt during the hurricane in a while I must be over it" well that was a fuckin lie bc the other night I had a dream again where the street in front my house turned into a rising river and I had to quickly grab things I could hold and get out to higher ground

#I remember in the dream grabbing for some of my vinyls #i remember grabbing the Pearl Jam and Eddie Vedder vinyls specifically 😅#i also grabbed my childhood stuffed bunny my late grandma gave and sewed a few popped seems in it a dew times #and I think I grabbed my favorite jacket/flannel #idk what that says about me 😅#but fr i hate these fuckin dreams where i have to get put of my house before Something Happens #they were the worst in the handful of months after the storm last year #this one was the first in a numbr of months #ive noticed i get them when we get low pressure systems.. so something is happening #to trigger that same feeling in my body #bc thats what hurricanes are. really intense low pressure systems #and they always make me feel like shit bc of the barometric pressure dropping it feels similar to anxiety/panic #lollll im rambling and venting ignore meeee

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inniave · 22 days

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the ptsd is quite literally killing me

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spacejammie-eimmajecaps · 2 months

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Being chronically ill is such a miserable way to live, like so much of my time is spent suffering and enduring pain and being absolutely exhausted and just waiting, waiting, waiting for relief that may or may not come

#one of the most triggering (as in im immediately pissed off when i see it) things is someone talking about how we all have the same 24 hours #like no #we all dont have the same 24 hours #most peoole have idk 12-16 usable hours in a day #and ive got maybe 3 hours #on a good day #and then theres days like today where ive gotten out of bed only to use the bathroom and choke some food down #where i feel like my head is going to explode and my body is burning all over and doing even simple things isnt possible #and i think its great that there is a big push to be positive about living with chronic illness #but sometimes i just need to be angry about it #sometimes i need to miss the life i used to have #sometimes i need to acknowledge that being alive really sucks for me most of the time #vent post

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thethingything · 1 month

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also I wish we had any fucking clue how long it'll take for the stitches in our mouth to dissolve because they keep giving us sensory issues (and triggering some issues that get really overwhelming and freak us the fuck out) and googling it gievs us answers ranging from a few days to a couple of months, and the premise of having stitches in our mouth for the next few weeks sounds like hell

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #before surgery I kind of didn't register that we'd need stitches and this was a good job because we would have freaked out so much more #one of the things that was freaking us out the most about surgery was having to have a cannula in our hand #because having someone put a foreign object in part of our body is really triggering and makes us feel violated #and the idea of having to put up with that for a few hours was enough to keep giving us panic attacks #meanwhile the stitches are also a trigger for the same issue and we've had to put up with it for over a week #and I don't know how much longer we'll have to deal with it but even just being aware of them in my mouth makes me nauseous #and I keep getting overwhelmed and having panic attacks because of it

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nobodywritingao3 · 7 months

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#ive already expressed what i want to express but i still feel jorrible #i havent felt this badly triggered in months #my skin is crawling' heart wont stop beating' ears are ringing' cant sit still but cant focus on anything #the mental health center isuakly go to already closed for the day #i dont trust myseld to drive anywhere #i know im safe but my body is on fire #i cant stop worrying #theres a part of me that i resent that is afraid that w.soot is gonna try to kill himself #at the same time i feel so sick at all the stuff hes done #all the women coming forward specifically #ive lost faith in someone i really admires #oddly enough im not having flashbacks?#memory loops definitely #i want to sleep but my body literally cannot stop shaking #i have been shaking for hours #i think its literally been 10 hours at this point of non stop shaking #i dont want to admit myself to a psych ward but i think im reaching a point where i might have to go #i havent been there in over a year & i hate it cuz the temperature controls are broken and they wake you up at 5am to make sure youre alive #im safe but i dont want to be alone with this #i dont want to be awake right now #my body wont stop shaking

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cherry-treelane · 1 year

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first thing my father does when he gets home from work is criticise me and nitpick every miniscule action of mine and complain complain complain im going insane. whether it be how i cut the fucking watermelon or how i arranged the cutlery drawer or why im not paying enough attention to the toddler when ive been giving him my attention all day and just want to spend 5 minutes of peace in my room JUST PLEASE LEAVE ME BE IM TRYING MY BEST IS THAT NOT ENOUGH

#god FORBID i dont do something exactly the way that he would god forbid i make a tiny harmless mistake #god forbid i enjoy one food for myself and just myself instead of offering it to my brothers as well as if im not always giving them food #and being made to feel selfish #this man is making me lose my grip on sanity. the sound of his footsteps trigger an indescribable rage within me.#throwback to when he started looking at my legs and frowning then weeks later he mentioned that one leg is a little slimmer than the other #the difference is so small its not even visible unless you squint...... but i hyperfocused on it for years cause he just had to scrutinise #my body like that #the way he complains sounds so UNGRATEFUL this is the same man who said that he was stuck without me and the house isnt complete without me #after i came back from a 3 week trip #is he forgetting his words now 😒

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maretriarch · 1 year

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ive gotten a lot of horrible comments from older middle aged mildly overweight women about my weight loss but the one that makes me the most sad is "what you've lost, ive put on/you've given it to me/etc" like its a "joke" but it really shows how in our society other women are not like. separate people entirely but almost inherently other rulers to measure yourself against in a lot of ways but mostly when it comes to beauty standards

#something something self policing misogyny #also have never gotten a bad word abt my body hair except from older women #its like it triggers a shame response in themselves like theyre ashamed as if it was them that was hairy #and im not like Immune why would i be ill see a beautiful woman and feel like immediately worse abt myself and can see how if i was like a #different person it would make me resent her #i think this is strongest with mothers/daughters bcs id argue most parents see children as the clearest reflections of themselves/#their parenting skills/their lifestyle/ literally themselves they often have the same goddamn face #maybe inherently isnt the word this all stems from patriarchal values of fuckable appealing to men woman =worthy woman #so women that arent are seen as lacking some sort of moral quality theyre Bad People

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eorzeashan · 11 months

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dysphoria/asexuality is so weird dude. sometimes i'll get squicked at the sight of a woman's body without meaning to and then immediately be like I HATE WOMEN??

#ooc #does anyone else ever feel this way. <- rhetorical question #I'm sorry women...#it does actually guilt me but i think. i think i can't do much about it #sometimes it's triggered and sometimes it's not #the same way my other friend has trauma towards male bodies and has a difficult time looking at them #but I LOVE WOMENNN why am i cursed. to avert my eyes

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erraticroses · 1 year

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...........

#tw eating disorder #like a massive tw #like an i personally wouldn't read this because it would trigger me massive tw #after some events in my life happened i started working out to feel like i have agency over my own body and to not fall back into my ed #but #when does working out stops sucking mentally? like i feel both great and bad at the same time and #i know it's because exercise was a big part of my ed and now i ser my body changing and i know i can make it change a lot more #in a way i kinda want it to. is like having a charged gun at all times but the metaphor falls short when i realize some thoughts are..there #like not there *there* but there. tangible. every time my body changes #and it makes me sick because i want to be normal i want to recover i want to have healthy goals and want to experience #having specific body goals as a normal person and i just... can't. because i always take it a little bit too far.#i want to be able to focus on the healthy goals i have like having more stamina. being faster. being stronger. feeling like my body is mine.#and to not focus on that part of ne that tells me i should look like a walking corpse and it's so frustrating.#because im technically closer to feeling good in my own skin than I've ever been (without the risk of dying i mean)#technically the healthiest I've been since the lowest point of anorexia. and there's still a part of me that tells me #i should send all that progress down the rain and get the results i subconsciously never stopped wanting #and it's sick. fucked up. i hate that mental illness and how it just won't fucking go and at the same time i feel like #if fully recovered i would lose a big part of me. and that's fucked up. because i shouldn't want that. I'm doing better now.#why do i still crave bones and dizziness and lightheadedness and crying in winter because it's too cold #why do i still crave being in pain because sitting hurts and no energy to leave the car and my losing more years in that hellhole #it's sick. fucked up. twisted. i don't want to be ill anymore but i relapsed and saw triggering content today and realized #it was never impossibly thin bodies what did it for me. never the look of a magazine model. it was bones. always have to take it too far #fucking sick and twisted. i know i have to continue to choose recovery and being happier. but damn how much i hate anorexia #what it did to me and what it still does to my mind

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nightfallsystem · 1 year

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is it stupid to have trauma over something i did to myself,,, ;-;

#is it dumb. is it possible.#cuz sometimes i still think im goign to bleed to death #or i get that same feeling of dread i felt the moment i noticed i fucked up #like genuine fear #It sucks like hell also cuz its still there even if its healed so sometimes i see it and it triggers me. so my own body triggers me...#trauma #tw trauma #tw self harm #idk

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izzy-b-hands · 1 year

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Absolutely horrific heart pounding nightmare woke me up for the day. That's. a start to it lmao

#text post #it started out so cool and had like. Jim as a diver? in something v futuristic for some docu that olu was narrating #but it just got. horrible minute by minute #Olu's narration revealed that the earth had been decimated by a war involving multiple nuclear weapons #and somehow things were like. okay enough for some survivors like him and jim to make it? but things were V Fucked lmao #then midway thru jims device/pod thing broke and it felt like i was literally controlling them thru an ocean under the crust of the earth #(no idea what that's abt lmao i think my brain spaced on set dressing this dream a lil bit)#and it was like trying to swim them thru pudding but with so many irradiated and fucked up and ANGRY sea creatures all around #i got them to the surface after floating past a bunch of bodies but they were basically out of air by then so they were gasping hard #and i woke up right then and woke up basically the same way lmao #it's been several minutes now and my heart is still pounding like mad #and im crying a little and can't seem to stop but today i set aside to try and force myself to have a good big cry #i need to find something to watch to make me cry tho so maybe s2 thus far again lol bc certain moments might do it #more likely i need to see what else i have from my past watchlists that are Guaranteed Cry items and try one of those #so i can get over this current thing with the ptsd and get my shit back together even temporarily #duct tape that all back together in the box in my brain until the next random trigger (bc i still dunno exactly what made this one go)#i think it might actually be my brain processing late a lot of Move Feelings re: mum & family bc that's what Housemate #and i talked abt last night a lot but ultimately im ???? as to a for sure trigger #anyway GOOD FUCKING MORNING i guess aksndjffjfj

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feathertailedcentipede · 1 year

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I feel sooo bad on sooo many levels and I wanna say I don't know why but I do. it's a buncha different things. but that sucks cus if it's just one thing then I can deal with it but nope. #girlrotting

#I love that word it's funny #anyway I've been locked up in my room for the past few weeks #& now I'm gonna continue doing that bcus I'm pretty much broke til june (saving up money)#I'm not enjoying reading this book I borrowed & that's making me miserable #I said smthn I regretted to my therapist & now I just have to deal with that gross feeling until wednesday #mum just said the exact same thing dad said. so now I'm triggered to hell n back #feeling bad & gross about my body as you do. I fucking hate having a body it hurts so bad #I thought seeing some of my friends would make me feel good for a long while #but it's been less than a week & I already feel like they secretly hate me again #fucking. whatever powers may be I fucking beg of you. give me emotional object permanence

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thethingything · 6 months

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I'm fatigued, my back hurts, I accidentally spent like 3 hours sat downstairs in a chair that made our back feel worse because our executive dysfunction prevented me getting up and going back upstairs even though I only went down there to get one thing, and now I really need to lay down but if I accidentally fall asleep again I feel like I'll wake up, realise I fell asleep and also that I feel like I wasted a big chunk of the day, and I'll end up feeling even worse again

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #posts made on pain meds #I went downstairs to get food but ended up having to wait longer than anticipated which is whatever #but then that meant I ended up sitting down and once we sit down it's like our brain stops being able to process that we can leave #I'll sit there the whole time going ''I need to get up and go back upstairs. I don't want to be sat here'' and just can't get up #I hate that this happens because while I know our executive dysfunction isn't our fault #and it's the exact same issue that stops us eating or drinking or going to the toilet or whatever when we need to #I still feel like I should be able to just get up and do the thing and just leave if I'm in a situation that I don't want to be in #and it's so hard to get other people to understand that I can't ''just leave'' because my brain just won't let that happen #like I want to but my brain won't register it as an actual thing I can do and it feels more like a weird abstract concept #than a thing I could actually do. it's like my brain can't connect the concept of the action to the act of doing it #and then I get frustrated because why can't I just do the thing that I know I should be able to do #and then I've spent hours not doing anything I meant to and mostly just feel like shit because of it and it keeps happening #and now I need to lay down and I know what's likely to happen if I do that #but I do need to listen to my body especially after getting stuck in a situation that makes our pain and fatigue worse #also we had to take pain meds earlier and that's definitely not helping with us feeling shit emotionally about all this #I hate having to navigate our brain and body just not functioning properly #I feel like we've had so little energy lately and it's reminding me too much of this time last year when we had that blood infection #I'm terrified of that happening again because we almost didn't get treatment because we started to assume it was just our new baseline #hmm apparently within like 5 minutes we've gone from ''ugh I wasted 3 hours'' to almost crying over medical trauma #I probably need to try and do something to calm us down but also I'm too tired to really do anything #which brings me right back to the issue that triggered this whole rant and me getting upset in the first place

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andromedasummer · 2 years

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listen i need u people to understand that when i say i find your white man unattractive specifically to me and my tastes/say i am surprised they are found conventionally attractive, it is 99% because their style of facial hair is giving me such a bad sensory reaction i cannot look at them. i am sure your man is normal under there. if i look at his patchy beard any longer i am going to have to lock myself in a room and stim or i'll bite something and tear out my fingernails and not in a good way.

#i dont get it either okay #its like. specifically dark patchy beards #where its more stubble than a beard #i cannot stand it #the only way i can describe it is like.#i look at it and i feel a sense of tenseness in my chest/throat. im itchy under the fingernails and feel the need to scratch #my body and brain are telling me to run and i will need to get something soft to relax #few things for my sense trigger this and ive been trying to acclimate to them cos. cant go through life like that #first and in the past. the worst. is cordouroy. screamed when put on it or wearing it as a toddler. taught myself to not feel the urge #to rip and tear and meltdown when simply touching/seeing it. can now wear cordouroy pants and hats #if i bite down into a mushroom the feeling in my mouth makes me want to shut down and cry #and then. theres whatever the fuck is going on with the beards #its entirely visual i dont mind how beards/stubble feel i got used to them cos my dad would hug me when i was little #and it would rub against my cheek #its so bad i have actively stopped liking people i once found attractive because of that specific style of facial hair #idk what it is it just makes their face cause an internal aggressive fuzz inside of me #and i have to look away #i thought it was personal taste but then lime confirmed they experience the same thing #when looking at a guy i was talking about who sends me to sensory hell #so its an autism thing i guess #which means. acclimation time. so i have to get used to seeing dark haired dudes with weird spotty short patchy facial hair eugh

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ghwosty · 2 years

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This hoe better fuckin NOT

#I mean so far they think it won’t take the same track as Ian #but after the week I’ve just experienced #and am continuing to experience bc I still don’t have power #I’m still under a boil water notice #fleeing from the storm surge and sleeping in a car in a Winn Dixie parking lot #and cleaning out our shed that got storm surge and going through and having throw out personal items #being at work and seeing and talking to coworkers and customers that have lost almost everything if not everything #seeing all the images from FM beach and Sanibel and now Pine Island/Matlache.. my heart breaking #the death toll is still going up with my county having the most #seeing this particular forecast track as it is now is date I say… triggering..#I’ve been getting okay sleep and am still feeling exhausted #the emergency notification sound makes me feel nauseous and notice I tense up..#I’ve been hesitant to use the word for fear of over/mid use but #but my body IS processing trauma

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nishikitty · 7 months

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smth very cathartic abt reading things where two people with fucked up pasts fall in love and get to be happy together but also ow owowow owww owie etc

#x #idk how to describe it i get this full body chill pit of my stomach feeling #that sometimes comes up when i see smth triggering but the cause here is not the same #and like i endure bc i enjoy what i read but ow #by things rn i mean yaoi btw

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