#to say i had a struggle would be the biggest understatement of all

[kifu]

Morning sunbath.

[hyperlinkdaddy]

Snowfall on the Grand Line: A Pirate’s Love

Characters - Luffy x GN! Reader (would say leans small chested female/male)

Usopp, Nami, Zoro, and Sanji (most just mentioned)

Word Count - 3,259

Warnings - slight angst, otherwise hard core fluff, & I think one curse word

Notes: wrote this at work, with my roommate encouraging me in the background. She was amazing and named this for me.

I wanted a cute confession to love, and Luffy was who it just so happened to be

The night is cold, freezing almost. You were near a winter island, and the temperature and snow reflected that. You had been a part of the Straw Hats for a while now, but most of the places have been warm enough. You should have trusted Nami, getting more winter clothes, but as someone who grew up on a summer island, you didn’t think it would be nearly this bad.

Saying you were underprepared was an understatement, you had no true winter clothes, mostly just a few sweaters. This means you were left with just mooching off your crewmates to avoid dying from the cold. You were currently borrowing from Luffy, he was about your size, and the length was extremely appealing to you.

You were currently on watch and had been for a while. You walked the deck, barely staying still to help keep your blood moving. You took a moment, looking out the front of the ship into the distance. This was a big mistake, you were about to go back to walking the deck, however, it was starting to feel like your bones were frozen. You blew on your hands, watching your breath, rubbing them together, at about that time you felt someone approach behind you, reaching around to hold your hands.

You jolt a bit, however when you turn all you see is Luffy, smile bright as ever. You sigh, worried for a moment the second you took a break that something happened. He nuzzled into your neck when you relaxed into his touch. “Looks like you need help keeping warm,” he said nuzzling closer, seeing the warmth of your body under the coat you had on.

You smile, looking down at your hands, moving your fingers apart so he can slide his fingers between the cracks. You were about to thank him, but as you opened your mouth, he let go of you. You looked at your hands, it felt empty and cold. He chuckled, now obviously up to something, the look in his eyes as he sized you up told you that you should hold back any thanks you had.

You give Luffy a confused look, as he crouches close to the ground. This only confused you more, looking down at the man below you. You were about to take a step back as he grabbed the hem of the coat. He pulled it closer, then tried to force his way up inside with you.

“Hey wait! This is a coat for one, not whatever this is!”

By the time you finished yelling at you, he managed to make himself fit, barely. He couldn’t fit his head through the neck and didn’t think ahead to undo the top of the coat. This left you looking down at his smiling face squished against your chest. A hissy chuckle escaped him, clearly unbothered by any of this. His arms wrapped around your waist, wiggling, attempting to get a bit more comfortable. The coat went from slightly big, to uncomfortably tight.

“ahhhh, much better! You know, you’re much warmer than you looked.”

He nuzzled in closer, getting an annoyed response from you.

“I could have come inside if you asked. I would have just given you the coat back.”

He looked up at you, eyes innocent as ever “Nah, I think I like this better, now if only”

The biggest shit eating grin you have seen crossed his face. You instantly grew worried, how could he make this worse than it already was? He kicked off the ground wrapping his legs around

You under the coat. You let out a shrill as his freezing legs and feet enter the only warm sanctum you had. Luffy laughs loudly, you struggling to not topple over into the snow.

Luffy was always a bit clingy with everyone, but you have noticed he was more with you than most people. The Capin was loving with everyone, however the last few weeks he had become almost inseparable from you in particular. You didn't notice at first, but even Nami brought it up, that he was almost always seen around you lately. He would sit next to you at meals, take naps with you on the deck, and always come running to hug you the moment you came into view. This was all cute, but alone time became more of a dream, and now even on watch, he made this time for the both of you.

You grasp the edge of the railing, Luffy laughing, hanging on like an animal to your now ridged body. You move part of the coat to see your overjoyed captain, proud of what he has done to you.

“hehe, you're not just pretty, but also warm and soft!” He exclaimed with full confidence.

You feel the heat rising to your face, your heart starting to pick up as his words ring in your head. “I-” he is quick to cut you off before you can get another word out

“Are you feeling, ok? Your heart is going crazy, and you got really red.”

You wanted to hide your face, push him away then just curl into a ball. He was so close to your chest you couldn’t hide it, good thing he wasn’t super bright, otherwise he would absolutely be bringing it up!

You wanted to fight him off you, crawl away in bed, and just die of embarrassment, but you were in a sticky position. You couldn’t fight him much, the coat was so tight your arms hurt to move, and your oh so happy captain was tightly wound against your body. You were only left looking away from him, beet red pouting at his behavior.

He looked at you curiously and slowly stretched his arms up your back. Your body was instantly covered in goosebumps as you felt his cold hands clump up the back of your shirt. He popped his hands out of the back with a bit of resistance from the tight fabric. His hands reach up to your face, moving you to look down at him. He wanted you to look at him, the blush on your skin looked cut to him, regardless of the cause.

“no fun! It’s not fun when you pull away!” he said loudly in protest

You sigh ‘How could I pull away when you are attached to me” you thought

You decided you had been tormented enough, attempting to push him out of the coat you shared. “Luffy, please” you groaned, trying to forcefully push him away

He unwrapped his legs from you, standing up, making you wince again at the overly stretched-out coat that was supposed to be only for one.

“Your watch is done now,” he said climbing out from under the coat.

You were free now, rolling your shoulders to help with some of the pain that built up in your shoulders.

“I still have watch; I wouldn’t want to leave Sanji alone to keep an eye on things”

He grabbed you in a hug, lifting you off the ground with ease. You looked down, shocked as he started to walk away with you.

“Hey! Luffy, are you even listening to me?”

“Yep! You said Sanji has an eye on things!” he said happily

That was absolutely the opposite of what you meant. Yes, he was watching, but the Sunny was a big ship.

He walked you both inside, and he put you down, flicking his legs to kick off the snow gathered on his feet. You will never understand why he still wears those sandals even if this snows.

“You’re driving me crazy,” you said looking at your captain, still looking down at his freezing feet

“A good crazy?” he said looking back with a smile

‘What do you mean a good crazy? You said, tilting your head to the side, looking at him confused.

Luffy walked closer, and without thinking you backed away, making room for whatever mission he was on. Before you knew it you backed into the wall, him looking down at you. You looked off to the side, breaking the intense eye contact you had with him.

“hehe, looks like we found the wall” you chucked out nervously. He had never been so bold with you before; you didn’t know what to make of it.

He was serious, and you felt like his eyes were eating you alive. Luffy placed his hand on your cheek moving your head, forcing you to look over at him. He softened up, giving you a small smile. You noticed that even with his smile he was more serious than when he was climbing you outside.

His hands are cold against your warm face, you subconsciously nuzzle into his hand soothing your flushed face.

“I was talking with Robin, and she pointed out a few things that I hadn't realized. I think I might like you more than just a crew member. I want to be with you always and want to touch you. She said she thinks I might love you, and she said it wasn’t like how I loved them”

You stared at him, noticing the blush that creeped up his face as he examined you, seeking out a reaction he desired. You couldn’t take looking at his flustered face anymore, adverting your eyes while still facing him, seeking anything in the hallway to look at, anything besides Luffy’s face. You knew the two of you were close, but he was with everyone despite how he made you feel.

Yeah, you liked Luffy, but you had already moved past the crush you had. He was now here, confessing? He seemed confused by his feelings, yet here he was, attempting to tell you of his love. You were uncomfortable, he could have tried to do this anyway, any other time. He had no sense of time or digression, and you were far too stunned to do anything about this.

Luffy moved forward, his other hand now moving up to your side, lightly gripping your waist, the other still on your face.

“Say something, please don’t stay silent,” he said, hints of sadness and desperation in his voice. Luffy had been told no before, sure, but never had his heartbroken trying to confess his feelings. He hadn’t felt this way for anyone before.

“Luffy, I don’t know what to say that is the problem. I wasn’t expecting this, you are putting a lot on me all at once, while expecting a response right now.” You said, hands shaking and heart going haywire from nerves still unable to look Luffy in the eyes.

His hand leaves your face, pulling away. He finally gives you a moment to catch your breath.

“Okay, I understand” He takes a few steps back, looking at you disheveled against the wall. Your breath is heavy and shaking slightly.

“Luffy, I’m S-”

“Don’t be! I understand!” He smiled brightly. Luffy is hurt, but just figuring everything out for himself, and while you might have recoiled from him a bit, he still has you in his life, and this is enough for him.

You watched Luffy walk away from you, back to his room, leaving you confused and hurting yourself.

You walk to the kitchen, head spinning to grab a cup of hot tea when you see Sanji. He was getting a drink himself before returning to watch. He already had himself a cup, and the second cup catches your eye. He heard everything that just went down outside.

“You look like a mess,” he said handing you the second cup of tea.

You looked at him sharply, rubbing the stress on your forehead “Thanks, I needed that”

He chuckled, putting the cup in your hand “The statement about your appearance, or the tea?”

“Both, but mostly the tea,” you said with a soft smile taking a sip of your tea. “Sanji, what would you do if someone you once had feelings for suddenly started showing you interest?”

He raised an eyebrow “If Nami-Swan said she loved me, I would be overjoyed, I don’t think I could ever give up on a girl as stunning as her! ~”

‘Pointless’ you thought taking another drink of your tea, giving him a look “Thanks, you’re a wealth of wisdom.”

He put his now empty cup down in the sink and walked to the door. “Don’t overthink it, I don’t want to see wrinkles on your gorgeous skin” he said softly before shutting the door, leaving you alone with a cup of tea and your thoughts.

____

Two days have passed since he confessed his feelings for you. Luffy has taken a few steps back compared to before. He still touched you, and hugged you like the rest of the crew; however, he certainly wasn’t like your shadow anymore.

The day after you understood, he was within his rights to want to stay away from you. This day he barely even looked at you, he talked to you when needed, but otherwise he barely even stayed long in the same room as you. You turned his feelings down, and now you were suffering with the consequences of that while he figured everything out.

The second day he came around you more, he would stay around you, not leaving shortly after you arrived. Luffy even hugged you early in the day. You were talking with Nami about the weather upcoming island. He launched himself around the corner, hugging both you and Nami together. You missed his warmth and smile, but it was short lived as Nami hit him for about knocking the two of you over with his reckless behavior on the icy deck. The captain just laughed, running over to Zoro, and jumping into his arms. You grew hot, annoyed, and flustered at this act. The first time he came at you in two days he was hit for, then moved on so fast to someone else. You were jealous of Zoro, jealous of the attention the captain was giving him instead of you.

You are now officially on day 3, with minimal interaction from your captain, and it was horrible. You were being eaten alive by this and had started getting snippy with the rest of the crew. Luffy never ignored you, coming anytime you asked, but is quicker, while before he would force conversations, touching you the whole time.

You were almost on the island and knew the moment you landed you would lose your opportunity to talk with him. You didn’t know before, however you do now. You strongly miss his lack of touch, his smile, and his love. You regret pushing him away, you wish you could have told him you felt the same.

You had spent the night before trying to get Luffy alone but were embarrassed to ask someone for help. Whenever you would find him, he was always with someone else. You think at about the 6th time seeing him alone with Usopp you were about to strangle him for something he knew nothing about.

You had given up on this game, deciding to seek him out the next morning. Luffy was still in his room for the morning, and this was the perfect opportunity to catch him for a talk.

You knock on the door, waiting for an invitation to come in, however, it never comes. You crack open the door to see him bundled up, out cold still. You might have come a bit early, but you weren’t about to wait for him to get up on his own.

You slowly enter his room, sitting next to his bed, looking over at your sleeping captain, drool leaving his mouth as he snores. You reach over, poking his cheek

“Luffy, wake up, we need to talk,” you say in almost a whisper as he twitches.

He cracked his eye slightly, barely even awake but enough for him to see the disturbance. He wrinkled his nose, closing his eyes again. His arms reach over to you and drag you into the bed from under your arms.

“Hey Luffy!” You yell out at him, only for him to wrap his arms around you tightly, nuzzling into you.

“Just a few more minutes (Y/N), it’s not breakfast time yet,” he said, already falling back asleep.

You just relaxed, knowing you had no point in fighting. Honestly, you were just happy he was holding you. You put an arm under his head, and the other wrapped around to play with his hair. You hold onto him, combing through his hair, listening as he snores, drooling into your chest and arm. You didn’t last long, it was warm under the covers, and with how soft Luffy was you found yourself drifting off as well.

You were out for a while, becoming a mess of tangled limbs when you felt something move under you. You stirred awake only to see Luffy attempting to pull away while letting you sleep. He noticed you were awake, and just attempted to get up.

You were not about to let him run away this time, you finally had him. You reached out, grabbing him by the waist as he sat up on the bed. You grabbed, squeezing him tightly, a deep blush forming on your face. You looked up at him, desperation in your eyes. He was surprised by your actions but didn’t fight.

“It’s almost breakfast, I don’t want to miss it. I can smell it cooking” he said, looking you directly in the eye and pouting at the grip you had on him.

“I know, I won’t let you miss your meal. I just wanted to talk with you” you said softly, barely letting up on your hold.

He looked at the door but knew he was a while off from the meal, Sanji had just started cooking with the smell waking him. He slid back in the bed, his moment as he came closer giving you enough confidence to let up on him.

Luffy didn’t look you in the face, but a soft shade of pink grew as you lay in bed together. “I get your portion of breakfast,” he said barely able to look you in the eyes.

You smiled, grabbing both of his cheeks in your hands, forcing him to look at you directly. He looked you in the eyes, face smushed a bit in your tight grip “I’m sorry” you said this quickly before kissing him deeply.

Luffy was shocked at first and tensed up, but soon closed his eyes, muscles relaxing as you pulled away. Him moving you rest his forehead on your own.

You reached up, combing through his hair with your fingers. “I was surprised, you threw a lot at me all at once. I wasn’t ready, and got scared,” you said, breaking eye contact with him

“I like you as well, but I wasn’t ready until-” He cut you off, kissing you repeatedly with little pecks anywhere he could laughing with joy.

“Luffy! That tickles” you said laughing as he covered you in thousands of little kisses, chucking and smiling as he did.

He finally pulled away, now that you were crying from laughter as well. He sat up, getting out of bed. Stopping at the edge to simply smile at you brightly grabbing your hand to help you get out of bed

“let’s go eat Y/N! We can continue this later,” he said, fingers intertwining with your own as you crawled out of the bed.

“yeah,” you said softly, gasping for air, wiping your tears away.

[cutiecusp]

Taking a little break from Matchmaker, to present you with a drabble for an absolute ANGEL on here who's birthday was yesterday. (And only told me today!?) This is my gift to you, babe!

Birthday wish.

Psychologist reader x 141.

You hated your birthday. You would take yourself out for the day, maybe treat yourself, but you knew never to expect anything from anyone. Birthdays sucked as you got older, and all you wanted to do was eat your favourite food and curl up with something scandalous to read.

It's early morning when you hear a knock at the door. You padded through your room, being the barracks psychologist you were allowed certain perks, and this spacious room facing the sun was one of them.

You open the door and lean against the frame, arms crossed, pyjamas askew.

"Mornin' love. Happy Birthday." Your Captain, John handed you a wrapped gift, with a ribbon bow in a deep purple colour.

You murmur your thanks, and he nods, a little pink cheeked as he continues.

"Forgive me, I checked your file. I hope you like it." You unwrap it, revealing a leather bound notebook and matching pens, with your initial in them.

"I noticed you write a lot. Outside of work, I mean." He clears his throat, a little awkwardly.

"Figured pretty words needed to be in something pretty." He smiles, as he sees your face.

You put your hand on his arm.

"Thank you, John. It's very thoughtful."

He hums and heads towards the briefing room.

The next surprise is an hour later, when everyone piles into the kitchen for tea.

"BONNIE! HAPPY BIRTHDAE!" You hear Soap shout, before you are pulled into the tightest hug.

"I got ye a lil' sumthin'" He admits, pulling out a sketch of you out of his jacket, you know the reference photo, it's a candid of you in a field, laughing at Gaz doing a handstand in the grass, your hair is wild, flowers adorn your ears and you have the biggest smile.

You beam back at Soap.

"Thank you, you are so talented!" You exclaim, holding the sketch out for everyone to see.

Gaz is next, shoving Soap out of the way while pressing a gift into your hands.

"Here, babe. Happy birthday!" He says before kissing your cheek and urging you to open it.

Peeling back the wrapping paper, you laugh.

It's a mug from a show you love, stuffed with your favourite snacks.

You swallow the lump in your throat. You hadn't been on the team long, and you were dreading this birthday.

You nodded your thanks, and smiled, tears threatening to fall.

"Appreciate you guys." You say, a little choked.

They all file out, and you finish your shift. You are walking along the hallway when you see the last member of the 141, Ghost.

"Come with me. Please."

You and Ghost had the hardest relationship in the team. His reluctance to open up in sessions often made you guys butt heads, but the last few days had been the hardest. He had missed sessions, ignored you in the canteen, did everything in his power to make you feel awkward.

You follow him to the smoking area, by now the night sky was beginning to turn a pale pink, with slashes of orange.

"I know what it's like to hate your birthday. Each year is a reminder of change, of those no longer with us."

You hum in acknowledgement, not sure where this conversation was going.

"So every year, I set myself a promise. A wish, if you will."

You look at Ghost, your face softening.

He places his hand on your shoulder, intitiating the first physical contact between the two of you. His grip firm, but gentle.

"I admit, I struggled to think of something for you. Cap got you the stuff to write, Soap drew you something, and Gaz remembered your favourite snacks."

He pauses, and puts his hand in his pocket.

"I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, it's been difficult learning to open up to someone new."

You scoff, and roll your eyes playfully.

"Understatement of the year, Ghost."

He chuckles, and pulls out a little bag, handing it to you. You open it to find four little charms on a bracelet. A coin, a cap, a thistle, and the shinest of all, a skull with onyx eyes.

"Call me Simon. All my friends do."

..........................

I literally wrote this in 20 mins, so I'm sorry it's rushed!!!

@xoxunhinged @muneca-lemon-steppa @livingoutsidethetardis @gardenof-venus @misshugs @soraya-daydreams @frudoo @azxulaa @yesornowaitidontknow @enjisbf @thevoiceinyourheadx @shadowdark00 @rynbeerose @lunamoonbby @incredible-walker @identity2212 @pukbadger @urbimom @corvid007 @wordsfromshona @shadows-empress @m00xy @canyonmooncreations

@evie-119

[barzzal]

call me crosby → interlude p.2

summary: Young, reckless, and rash, an unplanned pregnancy causes a massive rift in your relationship with then, cup-hungry 27 year-old Sidney Crosby. As he gets caught up in his own childish and selfish ways, confused to what was once certain, he lets you struggle alone. His absence reasons a miscarriage scare that leads you to end the relationship. Years after losing you, having to live a life that’s surrounded with the families his friends have built through the years embodies his greatest regret. Now with three cups and tons of awards at his disposal, Sid is given a chance to right his wrongs and win what was once the biggest loss of his life.

pairing: sidney crosby x fem!reader gen. warnings: language and theme, co-parenting, mentions of pregnancy & false miscarriage, sexual/suggestive themes, 18+ ch. warnings: angst, language, swearing, mentions of blood genre: hockey rpf, fluff, angst, kid-fic, exes to lovers length: series; 9.3k masterlist: the barn, series masterlist

note: the interlude is a two-part chapter dedicated for what happened between sidney and reader in the past and why everything had to happen ;) pls pls tread lightly as these chapters contain sensitive themes. you may stop reading at any time should it make you feel uncomfortable. this is just a reminder that you are still responsible for what you consume. all that aside, happy reading <3 (gif used: mine)

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. teasers, interviews, events, and the like that are included in the series are purely made for fictional purposes and do not/should not represent any of the names involved in real life. please proceed with caution.  

Your mind wanders to the not so distant past while you do your night time routine. You blankly stare at yourself absent-mindedly as you lather lotion on your hands and arms. 

It’s crazy how madly and deeply in love you and Sidney were a week ago. 

You can’t help but reminisce about the reckless night you and Sidney shared. The very night that you think might have led to such a life-altering event. 

“Babe?” you hear Sidney call for you from the bathroom. 

You have just gotten home from an annual fundraising ball that the Pittsburgh Penguins hold to support the foundations it is in partnership with. As the captain, and arguably the face of the franchise, Sidney’s hectic night also meant having to always stand wearing your impractical heels and a smile that has to be genuine enough– but not so much as to come off pretentious and inauthentic. 

While all of the actions you’ve shown were true, it was evident that the pressure to remain perfect was taxing. To say that you were tired would even be an understatement.

You feel a hint of hunger but even that won’t stand against your need for a good night’s sleep. 

As you lazily take off your earrings from one ear to another, you hum as a cue for Sidney to let you know whatever it was that’s going on in his mind. 

“How does this thing work exactly?” 

Baffled about the query, you lay your jewelry pieces flat onto the tray, and aim for the bathroom. You were still wearing the dress that elegantly clothed you for the entire night. It was a dress that Sidney had picked out himself. A dress that he knew would compliment and suit his girl just right. 

The sliding doors of the bathroom were already half-open thereby causing you to see Sidney’s reflection in the mirror; his brows furrowed in total and utter bewilderment. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask, meeting his eyes in the mirror once he hears your voice. 

He turns to face your way and in his hand rests what seemed like a tiny, but regular, container of skin moisturizer you have been meaning for him to try. 

“You watch me get ready for bed for years now, honey.” you idly tell him. 

Sidney recognizes the exhaustion in your words, enjoying how your lazy voice register in his ears. He smiles. 

“I don’t want to risk doing it wrong,” he explains. “I looked up this brand on the internet and I must say, it costs a lot for such a tiny bottle.” 

You roll your eyes as you take the product from him. “It costs a lot because it also takes a lot to rescue,” you pause for effect as you playfully point at him, “that face.”

The two of you chuckle softly. Bare feet and about to get unready. 

“Have you washed your face?” you ask him. Sidney nods. 

“Alright. What else have you done?” 

He shrugs, glancing over to his side of the sink. You’ve laid out a few products for him. Some of them he’d already gotten used to and some that he’s still figuring out. Sidney tells you about the few products he has initially applied. 

“Could you please help me?” he asks in that voice he only uses with no one else but you. 

You sigh dreadfully, eyes already closed with how tired you were. You lean your head on his shoulder, mumbling your words. 

“But I’m so sleepy.” you let him know. After having a few seconds of rest, you add, “I haven’t even gotten my makeup off yet.” 

Sidney knows you were beat. Even if he doesn’t tell you, he truly appreciates the great lengths you go for him. You don’t have to do it, but you did it all just the same for as long as it involved Sidney.

“I’ll take it off,” he volunteers. 

“Pfft.” you snicker a foolish laugh. “I bet I can get a goal past you faster than you can learn how to take my makeup off. Properly.”

“Come on,” he says, putting his hands on your waist, giving it a good squeeze. “You got to at least let me try. I know you’re tired.”

You give him a smile but reply in a commanding tone, “Promise you’ll do it like I do?” 

Sidney nods, ready to do after your bidding. “Religiously.” 

Once you agree, you let him gently lift you up the counter next to the sink so as to let you be in a comfortable position. By the looks of it, the odds of you falling asleep were high and Sidney just couldn’t bear letting you stand on your feet after you’ve murdered them with those ridiculously high heels.

“Nooo,” Sidney coos. “Don’t fall asleep.”

With closed eyes, you softly chuckle. “Mkay.”

He glances over to the rack where you keep your nighttime essentials and asks, “What do I do first?” 

Sidney willfully follows every instruction you give him as you patiently guide him throughout the process. His endless musings, in the hopes of keeping you awake, have evidently worked despite your exhausted state. 

You didn’t want to drift off anyway. You were in total bliss feeling his touch; soft with care – delicate. Sidney’s fingers graze onto your skin ever so lightly as he applied every product. He did what he had promised you. He did your nighttime routine religiously. 

His movements were put to a stop. You hear a soft clink of the product onto the tray; a sign that he was through. 

Before you get to open your eyes, Sidney leans towards you. He then lightly pressed his lips against yours so as to give you a peck. 

He plants a couple more before he eventually breaks away. 

“Done.” He says enthusiastically, seeing you with a wide smile on your face.

“Yeah?” you briefly open your eyes, Sidney coming into full view. You see him half-naked with only his pajama bottoms on. His chest was rose-colored; perfectly in contrast with the shade of his stubble.

You take a quick glance at yourself in the mirror so you could get a peak of what he’s done. Huh. Pretty good. 

You turn your head back and face him wearing a tight-lipped smile. 

“Like it?” he asks. “How did I do?” 

“You did fine.” you kid. 

Sidney pretends to be appalled. “Fine? Just fine?” 

“Uh-huh.” you tease. “Not bad for a first timer.”

“A’right.” he says with a smirk. “I know I could’ve done a lot worse than a ‘not bad’ so I’ll take it.”

“I’m just playing with you.” you tell him. “You did a good job.”

You open your arms, asking for a hug. Obligingly, he leans in and lets you wrap your arms around his nape. Your hands then found their way onto his face. Your fingers graze over rough stubble just as your eyes meet Sidney’s. 

With your thumb landing on his lips, you gently pull Sidney’s face closer so you could lock him in a kiss. Gentle and sweet. Passionate despite being done swiftly. You feel each other’s warmth– with your mouth and your bodies pressed so close together. 

Once the two of you break away, you say, “Thank you for taking care of me.”

His left hand removes some errant strands that lazily fashioned the side of your face. The other makes its way on the small of your back, pulling you even closer. 

Before the two of you dive into another kiss, Sidney says, “Thank you for letting me.”

𖥸

When Sidney asked you to move in with him, the first thing he did was to start a major renovation of his home. You were not a fan of it because of the obvious reason; it was unnecessary. But alas, Sidney had his ways. He told you it was not just his home anymore. It was yours. “Ours.” was what he said. 

It didn’t matter where the two of you were. Sidney had countless away games and series, and you had your fair share of business meetings on your end. But no matter where the two of you were, regardless of being away, your togetherness was kept by the home you have built with him. After all, Sidney’s home was just a massive block of building situated on acres and acres of land, standing still and lonely. 

Then came you. 

He stripped his home clean when you moved in. Little by little, you were able to incorporate yourself into his home. You had a say in every change; what has to go and what can stay. What paint colors to use and what kind of furniture he should get. Sidney did nothing but say "yes" the entire time. He wanted you to feel at home as much as he did. Neither the place nor the big still and lonely building did matter because he had you. For Sidney, you were home.

From the gorgeous outdoor landscape, classic hardwood floors, to high and white ceilings, Sidney wanted every corner of his home – inside and out, to have a touch of you. Only you. 

It was his futile attempt at a romantic gesture. He wanted to be reminded of you each time he was in it. Because just like what he said, no matter what happens, wherever he may be, you were the person he knew he’s always going to come home to. 

Looking back, it hasn’t occurred to you just how high and white the ceilings were. How distant everything seemed. Without Sidney, all of it seemed dull and ordinary. You just did not realize it until you spent the last several hours staring at that boring ceiling, lying in an all too cold bed that has seen the best and the worst of you and Sidney.

In spite of your still heavy and tired eyes due to all the crying, you find yourself reaching for your phone yet again. Maybe this time you’d get an answer.

“Please pick up.” you utter as you try to numb yourself with the endless ringing of the line. It was getting really late. Even with what happened earlier, you still wanted to hear his voice. That way you’d know he was okay. That way you’d know he was coming home. 

With time feeling like eternity, you managed to give it some thought. Maybe it was your fault. Maybe he was right. You did attack him; one way or another. You could have told him some other time when it felt right or when neither of you were tired. Maybe that way, he could have reacted differently. 

The weight you feel in your chest must have been incomparable to how he felt. It came to him unsuspectedly. The least you could have done was lay it all down easy. But no, you chose to put him in a difficult position where he has to choose between his present and the future. An ambush that was undeniably uncalled for.

Maybe, at some point, you forgot Sidney had a life where you didn’t belong. Maybe that was where you went wrong. Sidney had a life. You made him yours. 

Your hand travels down to your stomach so as to remind you of what life already is – what life will be. Sidney knew you were carrying his child and the first thing he did was leave. For somebody else, it would have been their cue to go. But here you were, instead of feeling all the right things you should be feeling, still waiting for him. 

If your calculations were right, it was another hour before Sidney finally came home. You turned away from the bedroom door and pretended to be asleep. He was quiet but his presence said otherwise. There wasn’t much movement being that Sidney was stoned at the door looking across the room. Looking at you. 

Out of all the years that the two of you have spent together, this was the first time he actually did not feel like coming home. 

Instead of the comfort he’s always felt each time he opened the door to your shared bedroom, Sidney felt unsure. It was as if he almost did not want to come home at all. Because you, who once brought him peace, was the very person who handed onto him a havoc served on a silver plate. 

Sidney no longer minded the fact that he knew you waited for him. He knew you were still awake yet the first thing he chose to do was head towards the bathroom. The clear cut sound of the door coming to a close sends shivers down your spine. You try blinking it away, but the tears just start coming. 

When the bathroom door opens, you squeeze your eyes shut knowing what’s to come next. It was a while before Sidney decided to come to bed. You feel it shift with the weight of having Sidney in it. 

Normally, his arms would magically snake its way to your body and lock you in an embrace. That was the only way for Sidney to get a comfortable sleep. Now, he stares at the ceiling for a good minute or so before he shifts and looks at the back of your head. 

He did not want to say a thing though he felt like he needed to. 

It was wrong for him to feel this way. He knew that. But now that he’s conflicted, Sidney knows he’s going to have to give himself some time. Perhaps, even some time away. From this house. From you.

He takes a deep breath; long but subtle. The one you make when you’re trying to calm yourself before diving off a cliff. Sidney wishes he could come out of his. To be able to swim back to his surface. Because as hard as it was to admit, you were drowning him. 

“Will you ever change your mind?” he breaks the ice and asks. 

Despite being nervous to what his answer might be, you return the question. 

“Will you change yours?”

He doesn’t say a word. And with that, you knew Sidney’s silence was his answer. 

You do the same. 

Though there was something he did want to let you know. 

I don’t want to have to lose you. 

But instead, he says, “I don’t want to lose you.”

You stifle a sob as a tear meets your pillow. 

You didn’t answer. You didn’t answer not because you didn’t want to. You didn’t answer because you were afraid that you couldn’t think of any. 

You hate to think you’d have to lose one another over the very thing that was supposed to make the two of you whole. The truth is, you were scared about so many things. You just didn’t know you’d have to be scared about losing Sidney. 

𖥸

A few days have passed since you and Sidney got to talking. It was barely one being that all you’ve done was fight. It was already more than just an argument and time has been nothing but cruel in letting you know that the sudden change you see in him now is his way of telling you that the both of you are not and will never be on the same page. 

Sidney chose to drown himself more in his Summer commitments. The last thing you heard he was off signing brand deals and staying a lot longer at the club. Now, while he’s busy playing in between putts and pucks, you’ve gone to another appointment and have been taking good care of yourself and your baby to the best of your abilities. 

You were at the task of putting away the lillies you have bought on your way home when you hear Sidney’s car enter the driveway. It would not be long before he opens the door. You have not really thought of what to say to him. As much as you try to understand where he’s coming from, you badly hope he does the same thing to you and simply honor what’s already on the table. 

The sound of keys being tossed onto the bowl rings throughout the hallway; commencing Sidney’s arrival. You see him enter the room in his usual golfing attire, lugging his equipment behind him. 

You have not felt the thick air of uncertainty for a while and you realize it was because he was not around. You offer him a tight-lipped smile once you meet his eyes. 

“Hey, you.” you call for him in a tone that lets him know you were open to talk should he want to discuss things with you. 

Sidney declines your invitation through his own, “Hi.” 

You feel a pang in your chest so you try and make up for it by putting the rest of the mess sitting on the island away. Sidney, on the other hand, sees what you’re trying to do. Nevertheless, he ignores it. Instead, he makes his way around you, heading towards the fridge to get a drink. 

You give up.

“Is this really how you want things to be when you come home?” you ask.

Sidney sighs, letting your words sit in the air. He lets the sound of the water hitting the glass mock you as an answer. You watch him drink its entirety with a stern face, unbothered to even look you in the eye.

A month ago you can’t even picture him behaving like this. Time is fickle, so they say. But it is just as unpredictable and brutal. 

“Sid,” you call, failing to mask the sound of your voice nearly breaking. Of course, you were desperate to have a decent conversation with him. You miss him. And even though you know you would not change your mind anymore, the best thing you can do is to at least have the chance to change his. 

“Don’t you have anything to say to me?” you reach for his hand to hold it. 

For a moment, you see his eyes soften. He looks down on your hands. You were scared that he was going to dismiss you but much to your relief, Sidney held your hand instead. He tenderly rubbed the back of your hand whilst he tried to find the words to utter. 

This was one of the things you miss. Sidney’s touch. He’s always had a way with it. Nothing really mattered for as long as Sidney held you. You felt so secure – safe from anything that may come your way. For as long as you were with Sidney, you needn’t have to feel scared. 

Just when you feel a sliver of hope, you see a somber expression in his face the moment you look back at him. 

“I don’t have anything new to say.” he nearly apologizes. 

Disappointment now printed all over yours, you choose to let him know of what kept you busy. 

“I went to Claire and got a sonogram.” you tell him, forcing out a smile. 

You opted not to get one the first time despite Claire’s advice. You wanted to have Sidney with you in that room. But now, it was painfully clear that it might never happen. Not to mention the fact that his child is continuing to grow regardless of what he had to say about it. 

Sidney gladly lets your hand go so as to caress his nape. When he falls silent, you continue nonetheless.

“The baby is healthy.” you add.

Shrugging the latter off, he asks, “What about you?”

He still cared about you. At least that was there. 

Is it really too much to wish he’d feel the same way for his child?

“I’m fine.” you answer, uninterested with your own well-being.

Sidney says nothing else but nods, dismissing whatever you still have to say concerning his unborn child. 

“Won’t you at least see it?” you try for yet another time. 

Sidney’s jaw clenches but he chooses to let it go. He didn’t come home to fight. 

He pays you a meaningful look, devoid of the fact that the said sonogram was already pinned on the fridge along with a few old polaroids that the two of you intentionally kept for each other’s sake. 

“I told you, I don’t have anything new to say.” he repeats himself. “And I still won’t even if I see it.” 

It was clear that the two of you were trying to make ends meet. But Sidney was not trying hard enough.

“Then what are we doing here?” 

You were offended, of course. You were utterly hurt by his appalling insensitiveness. Sidney did not give even an inch of care but that shouldn’t justify acting too much of an ass about it.

“Am I supposed to wait for you to change your mind before I continue carrying your child?” you continue, “I’m pretty sure pregnancy doesn’t work that way, Sid.”

Do you take him for a fool? He thinks. 

You touched a nerve, causing Sidney to lose himself again. 

“Who even told you I wanted one?” he retorted. 

What does he think would happen after sex? A gala? A dinner party?

You need not stress on the obvious. Besides, doing so would just take you miles down the surface you’ve barely even scratched. Dealing with a closed-minded Sidney and piling on his share of negativity would just be counterproductive. 

“I’m not changing my mind, Sidney.” you firmly state.

The time Sidney was gone did not make you want the things he wanted. It just made you certain – so sure, that you want nothing else but this baby. And you know there was no other way out. 

“Are you with me on this or not?” 

He scoffs at the thought of you making him choose. 

“You’d really go that far, wouldn’t you?” 

“That far?” you scorn.

“Sidney, that ‘far’ we happened to be discussing right now, is a life together!” you stress, pointing a finger at his chest. “So, yes. I am willing to go that far.”

Sidney could not find the words to save his own cause. But regardless of the problem he still hopes you can set aside, he knows that you will eventually come to your senses and choose the life that you were already living with him.

However, the wounds were barely even healed and here you were, deciding to pick at it again.

“I told you to come back only when you’re ready to be an adult about this and face it with me.” you order. “I don’t need you starting a fight because you know I will never change my mind.”

“Well, you know what? Neither will I.” Sidney shakes his head, adamant to bow down in favor of your will. 

“There. I said it.” he adds, thinking of the night you told him about your pregnancy. 

He sees your eyes watering and he knew it would be enough for you to pull him back in. But this wasn’t like the other times. You wanted different things and he did too. Maybe that’s how it should be. Maybe it isn’t worth prolonging what has clearly ended.

“You’re right.” he says, “I shouldn’t have come home in the first place.”

Suffice it to say that he did not deserve to feel half of what you have been feeling, you hold him back once he starts retreating.

“W-Where are you going?” 

“Geno’s.” He shortly answers. “I cannot be on board with something you chose to decide all on your own.”

You fall silent as it was not the response you were expecting, especially not from Sidney. So instead of speaking for you and his unborn child, you watch him leave once again. 

𖥸

Sidney made sure he was kept preoccupied for a reason. It was evident that you were making him choose. And despite him denying, he is certain that regardless of the path he’d be taking, you’ll choose to have the baby and leave the life you have already built with him. 

He hated the possibility that you might leave him for something that was unplanned. Something that could have been prevented by a birth control shot. But no, it didn’t. It frustrates him that you won’t take the only ‘out’ he’s got to offer. It frustrates him even more to know that regardless of your choice, he just could not see himself being tied up to a commitment he knows he will never want.

Yes, he may have wanted and hoped for a life with you but that was it. Only you. He did not need anything more. On top of it all, he’s scared. He’s scared because he knows that he almost hated you for it. 

You have reached an impasse and you and Sidney both know it. It was just a matter of who’s going to be the one to break it to the other. He doesn’t want to be the one to do so, hence why he chose to leave. 

Sidney was a man that loved calculation. Everything had to be precise. Otherwise meant having to give a shot at failure. That was how he felt for the majority of his career. He did excel at school but it did not challenge him. It took less energy and made him less driven. He wanted to acquire so much and be so much more within so little time. Wishful thinking and ambitions aside, he made everything he wanted happen. 

He just wishes he could figure this one out before it’s too late. 

Geno had his feet up on the couch, hands were glued on the game controller, yelling at the TV. It was another game that he had one of Anna’s nephews teach him. He had nothing to do for the entire day and he was a firm believer that wasting time was not really wasted – only if you make it count. 

The count, if you dare ask, was a 2-4 game versus some kid on the internet. N8Dawg29.

Geno’s shouting at the TV was put to a stop when the doorbell rang. 

“Lucky bastard.” he says, throwing the controller elsewhere. 

Given the moment’s notice, he wasn’t expecting anyone. He had no idea who it was at the other side of the door. By the time he opens it, Sidney’s face comes into view. 

“Sid!” he says his name with a giant smile on his face. The very same smile that was washed away by the look Sidney had on his. Lost. 

What brings you here? was what he wanted to ask. But given the way his friend looked, it was apparent that something big was bothering him.

“What’s wrong?” 

Concern traveled to Geno’s eyes when Sidney spoke of your name as an answer. 

“Is she alright?” he asks him, opening the doors of his home wide for Sidney. 

Sidney looks him in the eye and says, “She’s pregnant.”

As the brand new information hit him, Geno begins to realize that such news might not have been well-received by Sidney. 

Uncomfortable and panicking as to how he’d make light of the situation, Geno asks, “Who’s the father?”

𖥸

Geno knew he needed reinforcement. N8Dawg29 would have to wait. 

No, it wasn’t because Geno was losing. It was because he had more important things to tend to. Let him leave it at that.

Two crystal clear snifter glasses were pinched in between his fingers whilst his other hand held a bottle of premium scotch. He takes long strides across the room, making his way towards the lesser halves of the Pittsburgh Penguins’ three-headed monster. 

The Captain had just broken the news to Kris, but unlike Geno, the defenseman took his time before sharing his two cents. Sidney spared no detail as to what happened. The truth that he didn’t want a baby, and the ugly truth that you did. 

Just like how he looked in front of Geno, the expression on Sidney’s face was more than enough for Kris to deduce that congratulations weren’t in order. Despite him being happy to learn about your pregnancy, Kris just couldn’t let Sidney feel as though his feelings were invalid. 

Quietly, whilst the biggest names of the team sat together, the weight of the elephant in the room was still borne solely by the team’s captain. Once each of them was able to take a sip from their respective glasses, it was Kris’ turn to ask a question. 

“Does she really intend to keep the baby?” 

Sidney nods as the alcohol runs down his throat. 

“Actually, she made me choose,” he says. “–said she’d do it with or without me.”

“Are you going to let her?” 

Sid meets Kris’ eyes, “What would you have me do?”

Kris takes a deep breath, conflicted as to whether he was in the position to say what’s in his mind. “You know it really doesn’t matter what I think. It is still your decision.” 

“Of course, it matters.” Sidney counters. You’re a father. He wanted to add.

“What is it that you want to hear from me?” 

“Just hit me. Tell me how you feel. I can handle it.” 

“All right,” Kris puts down his glass thereafter clasping his hands. “Are you a hundred percent sure that you don’t want to be a Dad?” 

Sidney finds it hard to answer. But he knows it wasn’t because there may be a slight chance that he would eventually want to be one. It was mainly because he knew saying it out loud would paint him in a bad light. He can’t afford to look selfish in front of his friends.

Kris questions, “So, you’re telling me you haven’t pictured yourself with a child? Ever?” 

“Of course, I have. It’s just– I don’t want to have one now.” Sidney feels like a fool for saying it out loud. “You know I love kids. I have always been great with them. You know how I am with Alex, right?” 

Sidney looks at Geno once he speaks but all Geno did was avoid his gaze. Even he didn’t favor how Sidney had to bring up his godson as an example.

Instead, Geno asks, “Then what is the problem?” 

“I don’t think I can be a good father. I’m afraid I’d screw it up.” Sidney fiddles with his fingers. 

“How can you be so sure you won’t be a good father?” 

Sidney sighs, “How did you know?”

“No one knows they’re going to be a kick-ass Dad until they become one.” Kris says. “I couldn’t even figure out how diapers work the first time I had to do it, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to be a good Dad.”

Sidney runs a hand through his naked hair. “Maybe that’s it.” 

Kris’ eyebrows furrow, waiting for Sidney to continue. 

“How can I be good at something I don’t even want to become?” He looks at both of his greatest friends. 

He continues. “It’s different with you and Catherine, Kris. You both wanted Alex. You both wanted kids. I’m not quite sure I can even begin to like the idea of having my own and yet, here it is – already tearing me and Y/N apart.”

Kris takes a deep breath. 

With his words subtly laced with judgment, he says, “There is only one thing you can do.” 

“What?” Sidney raises a brow.

“You have to let her go.” Kris continued. “Even if it means she’d have to do it alone.” 

Kris respects Sidney for not wanting to have a child. He knows he’d have to understand where Sidney’s at in life. If he says he’s not ready to father a child, then so be it. But that does not give him a pass on being a selfish prick who he’d still have to understand in exchange for you and your unborn child’s sake. You were as important as Sidney is to Kris. He wouldn’t simply allow Sidney to take everything he could while you empty yourself for him. 

Sidney asks yet another appalling query. 

“Do you really think she’d choose it over me?” 

Kris answers with a knowing look on his face, “Any responsible adult would choose a baby over you, Sidney.” 

“Kris,” Geno puts his glass down, interfering. 

“What does that supposed to mean?” Sidney takes offense.

“What did you expect me to say, anyway? Did you come here expecting I will coddle you? That Geno and I will help you be this irresponsible?” Kris tells him off, switching glances between the two of them.

Geno calls him in a definitive tone. “Tanger, stop.” 

“No,” he stressed. “The two of you came to my house asking for my help. Here it is. I am a father. It’s one thing to feel unready for such an immense responsibility. I get that. But, it seems to me that you’re seeing this predicament as a game you just have to win no matter what. That kid isn’t even born yet and here you are, antagonizing him for breaking your relationship. That is your child, Sidney. Your child with the woman you claim to love. Even if you don’t want it, the least you could do is acknowledge that it’s here. It’s not just a thing you have to tolerate.” 

Sidney and Geno fall silent. 

Kris gathers himself and stands, aiming to leave the room. 

“Let her go, Sidney.” he recapitulates. “You know you’re not the person she needs right now.”

𖥸

Three days have gone since Sidney left home. You haven’t gotten enough sleep since then. You’ve tried busying yourself tending to some house chores but none of it sufficed. Tiring yourself did not help in your pursuit to keep your mind from thinking of him.

As much as you wanted to, regardless of your doctor’s orders, you just can’t function bearing a magnitude as heavy as the one you’re facing with Sidney, hanging over your head. Here you are, barely functioning through a day, how could you possibly picture a life without him in it? It seems as though the past is now a blur. But then again, so is your future. 

“Hey,” Cath’s voice soothes you from the other end of the line. “How are you?”

You almost forgot that you were on a call with Catherine. 

Dissociated, you answer, “I’m… I’m doing okay.” 

“Are you sure?” she asks for the hundredth time. 

For the past three days, you’ve always answered that you were. Perhaps, it was for you to save face in the hopes of seeing Sidney again. 

“No.” you finally admit despite Catherine already knowing, “I’m trying.”

“I know you are.” she says. 

It seems as though she wanted to say something else but didn’t know how. Sidney, apart from staying with the Malkin’s has gotten the liking of dropping by her house to see her husband. It had been a day since the first time they had talked about you. Catherine knew little of it but she knew Kris didn’t exactly agree with whatever Sidney had told him. 

Finally, she lets out a sigh, “Listen, Sidney’s here.”

Your heart skips a beat at the mere mention of his name. With a glint of hope in your voice, you ask to confirm. “He is? How is he?”

“Well, to be honest, not good.”

You find comfort at the thought. You might still have a relationship worth saving. 

“Do you want to speak with him? I can–” Catherine offers but you’re quick to decline. Maybe some time to himself will do you both good. 

“No don’t, Cath. Really, it’s fine.” you say with a sad smile. “Knowing that he’s there is enough.”

Silence sits on the line for a moment. You have always waited for Sidney to come home for the majority of your entire relationship. It didn’t matter if he was gone for days or even more than a week; he came home every time. That thought alone made the wait bearable. Now, the uncertainty of it all just makes the wait longer because unlike before, you’re no longer sure he’ll be coming home. 

“Have you been taking care of yourself?” Cath pulls you back from your thoughts. The truth is, you haven’t. 

“Have you been eating? What about your medications? Are you taking them?”

“Well, yeah. I am. I am taking them.” Sometimes on an empty stomach. Sometimes you miss it by an hour or two. 

“Have you slept at all today?” 

“I… Not really. I haven’t been sleeping well. There’s a lot going on in my mind.” you say as your eyes flicker to your surroundings. You then realize that the chaos in your mind has begun to translate into your home. Your sight eventually falls onto the load of dishes you’ve yet to tend to and others already cleaned waiting to be put away. 

“I know. But you need to take it easy.” she reminds you. Catherine has a point. 

“Please take care of yourself, Y/N.” you hear her sigh. “Your baby needs you.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it.” you earnestly tell her, adding that Claire’s stopping by in an hour or two. “A friend is coming over to keep me company tonight. You’ve got nothing to worry about.” 

However, just as you stand whilst talking, you feel a sudden surge of sharp pain in your abdomen. 

You find yourself holding your lower stomach, unsure if it was something to be concerned about. Claire has informed you about the minor discomforts you were inevitably going to feel as your body adjusts to being pregnant, but was it supposed to hurt this much? 

Catherine calls your name when you failed to answer. 

“Yeah?” 

You start to walk, aiming towards the kitchen. Your palm rests on your abdomen in an attempt to relieve yourself of the pain you were still feeling. 

You hold the phone with a bit more pressure, you hear Cath ask, “How are you really? You know you can tell me stuff. I know it must have been tough having to deal with Sid.” 

You sigh in an effort to alleviate the pain. Your eyes begin to water by the mention of his name. It has been tough for you. If Cath could see it, how come Sidney couldn’t?

“I miss him, Catherine.” 

“I know you do.” she replies sympathetically.  “How can I help you?”

“I don’t know.” you reply as your breath becomes labored. “Just– , please tell him to come home.”

You shut your eyes, pressing on your stomach once you reached the counter. 

“We need him.”

𖥸

Was Kris right? Sidney was deep in thought as the paddle hit the ball from one end of the table to another. Geno hits it right back. Sidney does the same. They go on and on uttering no words but mere sighs and labored breathing as they play the game of table tennis. 

Even if Kris was right, he knew it was still going to be Sidney’s decision. If you yourself could not convince him of the life he so clearly does not want, what makes Kris think he can do otherwise?

Despite the heated conversation, Sidney was still thankful Kris had a gym in his basement. He needed to clear his mind; something Geno understood. Sidney rarely gets upset, but most of the times he did, it was for the right reasons. Now, however, Geno wasn’t sure.

“What are you thinking, Sid?” Geno asks as he recovers after missing the ball. 

Through his still labored breathing, Sidney puts the paddle down and briefly looks at him. He shakes his head, not devoid of a single thought - but overwhelmed by millions of it concerning: you. 

When he doesn’t hear a word from Sidney, he finally asks, “It’s been three days. Don’t you want to come home?” 

Sid plays it off with a grin, “Why? You’re getting sick of me?”

Geno rolls his eyes, “Yes, what are you gonna do about it?”

The two of them share a brief laugh, trying to lighten the weight bore by the topic of you. 

“I don’t know, man.” This time, Sidney tells him the truth. He does not know. He had hoped to know by being away from you. But if asked the same question of whether he wants the life that you do, he still has the same answer. 

Before he can say another word, Geno speaks as if he read Sidney’s mind.

“If it’s not entirely a yes, it’s a no, Sid.” he tells him. “You’ve got only two ways out of this. To stay or to leave.”

Sidney’s taken aback. 

To stay would mean to live a life off his books; blind and unplanned. He’d be traversing an environment completely foreign and unknown. To have a child of his own. To have a family. Forever. 

And on the other, to leave would mean to accept the gut-wrenching picture of a life without you; to embrace it through and through. And maybe hope that someday, it will eventually get easier. 

Before Sidney could even answer, the Letangs came rushing into the room. 

“We gotta go,” Kris announces with urgency, the key to his car already in his hand. 

Sidney’s eyes fall onto a frantic Catherine who was clutching onto her phone - voice trembling as she says, “It’s Y/N.”

𖥸

Sidney has never feared anything in his life. Between having to leave home at such a young age and thereafter fighting the horrible concussions that cost him almost fifty games off of his career, he has never felt as frightened as he did when it was you who was already on the line. He admits that he was not in the right mind to deal with what you have told him, but the fear of losing you was so insurmountable that it made being a father seem less terrifying than he could have possibly imagined. 

“Where is she?” 

“Is she okay?”

“Have you seen Claire?”

Wanting to breathe became obsolete once Sidney chose to speak all aforementioned. He held Cath’s shoulder, almost shaking her, in an attempt to get an answer. 

“Claire took care of everything. She’s fine.” she says, relaying what Claire had told her. 

He lets go a sigh of relief. He runs his fingers through his evidently unkempt hair – and asks, “What about the baby?”

If the record was right, it was the first time he’s ever asked about your baby. 

Despite how Cath felt about Sidney, she did not simply have the answer.

Worriedly, he walks past her and looks through the small window of the lounge door. He sees a handful of people, mostly visitors. Sure – there were doctors going from one side of the room to the other wearing their coats and clipboards in hand, talking. Always talking. Giving out information, whether well-received or heart piercing. It was a whole ‘nother job that seemed so ordinary. A whole lot more than what is perceived.

Sidney wanted to go to you. He wanted to find you. But how can he do that if doing so would mean causing more risks than he’s already had? Because even if it was the least of his worries, Sidney could not possibly handle more attention from the crowd. 

It was exactly the ugliness you had to bear being with Sidney. Being with him meant having to consider who he was inside and outside of the rink; that your personal life is inevitably tangled with the one he had with his skates on. There was no double life with Sidney. He has successfully integrated the two so he gets to live both. As for you, you were the tide that went along with it — the tide that kept his boat afloat. 

𖥸

Claire hoped she wouldn’t be spending the night in the hospital. But then came you. 

She was glad she still had the spare key you’ve given her to your home. Between scrambling to find it amidst her million other keys and finding you sitting on the cold floor of the kitchen, holding your stomach, with blood apparent in your clothing, Claire was just glad that she got to you the soonest you needed her to. 

“My baby–” was the first thing you told her as you tried speaking in between sobs. 

You looked at her, tears running down your cheeks, once she had approached you. 

“It’s alright. I got you. I got you.” she repeatedly told you. 

Her eyes fell onto where your hand was. Truth be told, she has never been this scared in her life. It was crazy how she simultaneously knew and didn’t know what to do. It was you. Your safety and the life of the child you’ve yet to birth, placed unexpectedly in her hands. Despite all that, she was certain that she’s not about to lose anyone. Neither you nor your baby. 

“Please don’t pass out.” she murmured more to herself as she held your face. “Stay with me, alright? You guys are gonna be okay. You’ll be okay.”

Claire stayed true to her word and took care of you. You were settled in a private room, resting. It was evident that all the emotional and physical turmoil you’ve been trying to suppress has finally caught on and got the better hold of you. Scarily so, despite the night’s ordeal, you were now safe. You and the baby. 

You were asleep when Claire left you in your hospital room. She still has a few of your documents that needed sorting out. Well, that and having to deal with the man – with both of his hands placed on his waist, pacing – waiting for her at the end of the lobby. 

“How is she?” Sidney asks Claire the moment he was within hearing distance. 

She ignores him. Instead, she goes inside the waiting room and acknowledges the presence of Catherine alongside Kris and Evgeni. 

“How is she?” Catherine shoots the same question. 

Claire initially answers with a nod then proceeds, “She’s going to be fine. We just need to let her get some rest.” 

Cath nods as well as the others. 

“And the baby?” 

Claire doesn’t give a definite answer. 

“We’re still waiting for several results.” 

“W-Why?” Sidney jumps in the conversation. “Did something happen to the baby?” 

Unfortunately, as much as Claire wanted to hit Sidney’s face, she couldn’t. She wasn’t in the hospital just because she’s your friend. Simply put, duty calls. And right now, Sidney demands her of it. 

“I am not at liberty to disclose anything at the moment, but I assure you, we are doing the best we can.” she tells Sidney despite not meeting his eyes. 

“Will you at least let me see her?” He pleads.

“I don’t think so.” she states firmly.

“What– Why?” Sidney asks quite defensively. “I am her emergency contact person!”

“No, you are not.” she informs him. “You cannot see her files because you are no longer her emergency contact person. I am now. You are neither her next of kin nor are you married. And if you are present as any partner should have, you would know.” 

Sidney scoffs, “That’s bullshit.”

“You are not my patient, Sid. I am in no way responsible for disclosing information Y/N clearly doesn’t want to share with you.”

“You don’t expect me to believe that, do you?” Sidney complains.

“I have nothing to say to you.” Claire tells him. 

“I can’t believe how unprofessional you can be!” Sidney exclaims when Claire continues to ignore his requests. 

“No,” She looks at him for a moment, gets back to reading your form on her clipboard, and meets Sid’s eyes once again. “It’s the consequences.” 

“You’re unbelievable.” 

The Letangs come in between the two to mitigate the tension, “We’ll just wait for as long as we need to.”

“Why? What’s the plan, Sid? Huh? Isn’t this what you wanted? To spend your years like Jagr?”

“Don’t you fucking go there.” He warns.

Even more appalled by Sidney’s reaction, Claire grins and shrugs shamelessly before walking away.

“I think I just did.”

𖥸

Sidney did not exactly know how he did it and how fast he had done it, but as soon as Claire had her hands full, he went straight to grab the brass metal of the door knob leading to your room. 

Quietly, as he spared one last glance of his surroundings, he turns it and opens the door. 

It was a good thing that your bed was not adjacent to the doorway. Sidney could not fully comprehend the things wrecking his brain all at once. Although he knew of one thing: he finally gets to see you. 

Your mind drifts right off the tip of your finger as you look outside your window. The fog was so even and misty that it made the entire window a blur. The only thing you could see were the steady white lights of that huge corner block building fashioned by the noise of cars driving off to a better place than the four corners of your hospital bedroom. 

Judging by the scenery, you could tell that it was well past midnight. 

As you lie with your still aching heart, you find yourself grazing your stomach ever so gently as if you were holding something– someone, much more meaningful than your entire being. 

If only he was– 

“Hey.” 

He is. 

Sidney had both of his hands resting on his side alienated by the thick air he usually causes. It was a battle as to whether to go near you or stay still. But judging by the way you looked at him so strangely, he knew he didn’t have any other choice. 

You watch him inch himself closer until he is already at the foot of the bed. He looked unusually small for a man of his stature. Your eyes did not miss a thing. You saw the hesitant look he had coupled with the urgency that is perhaps all too late to be paraded before your eyes. 

Despite noticing all that, in Sidney’s eyes, you did nothing but look. He was scared not because it made him uneasy. He was scared because you have never looked at him that way. 

There are so many things to be said but Sidney was at a loss for words. He wanted to ask how you were; how the baby was. He wanted to say how sorry he felt for leaving and how dumb it was to let you suffer when he could’ve been there like he should have. He wanted to let you know how badly he prays and hopes that you’ll find it in yourself to forgive him. But mostly, he just really wished that you’d still want to make it work and build that family – with him. 

How could he say all that when it feels like you were miles away beyond his reach despite him already holding your hand? 

Finally, as though the words have only occurred to him, he asks, “How are you?” 

He looks back at you as intently as he thought you did. However, your eyes mirrored his, unwillingly. Sidney takes the empty seat beside your bed; never letting go of his hold on you. 

Soon enough, you look away and aim your attention onto his hands. Both of his palms embraced your hand oh so desperately, pleading a prayer only he could hear. 

“I’m sorry.” he says, eyes now misty with tears. “It’s all my fault. I should’ve been with you. I’m sorry. I was selfish. Please please forgive me.” he adds, pressing wet and much more desperate kisses on your hand. 

He waited for you to say something in return but he received nothing. You looked at him exactly the way you did when he arrived; sparing him a blink or two whenever your eyes got tired.

It was the kind of silence Sidney wasn’t accustomed to. It was the kind of silence he never knew. 

Until now. Until you.

His voice breaks when he decides to speak yet again. 

“Please say something.” he desperately asks. 

But you don’t. 

You just lie in the same cold bed, letting him hold your hand. 

Afraid of what has become you, Sidney masks his fear with a wide smile albeit it didn’t do any better. It just made him feel worse. Maybe even a thousand times more than he’s already had. 

“Mon amour…” he calls you. “Please talk to me.”

You blink and look away. 

Sorrow now filling the void he feels from within, Sidney sees your hand that was still resting atop your stomach. 

For the first time, he then dared to ask, “How… How's the baby?” 

Sidney sees you look at him yet again as if to finally acknowledge his presence in the room. 

However, the words you spoke next nearly made him wish you did not bother at all. 

“There is no baby, Sidney.”

You spit the words like vile coursing from your throat; voice hoarse from the eventful night. 

“W-What?” he stammers, evidently shocked at your uninhibited way of revealing such news. 

“There is no baby.” you repeat just as you remove your hand from his hold. 

“You may go.” you quietly add, looking away. 

Confused, off-guard, and terrified, Sidney tries to grasp the thought of the truth. 

“What do you mean there is no baby?” Sidney begins to flood you with queries. “They must have read the tests wrong. It can’t be right, can it? Claire told Cathy everything was fine! We do have a baby!” he nearly grovels trying to get a hold of you, pleading. 

“We have a baby, y/n.” He breaks. “We’re going to be a family.”

Oh you’d kill to have him say those words when you needed him to. Only he didn’t. And that is the truth you’re now choosing. 

“I need you to go, Sidney.” you respond calmly, frustrating him even more. 

“Please, y/n!” he cries. “What happened to our baby?” 

“It’s gone, alright!” you lose it just as Sidney’s world begins to crumble, “You got what you wanted!”

You blink away the tears about to break just as you say, “I need you to go because I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“No– There’s got to be another way for us. We always find a way.”

“I don’t want to do this anymore, Sidney.” you reiterate. “I don’t think we should be together.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re mad at me,” he argues. “Just be mad at me, y/n!” 

He grabs your hand and places it close to his cheek. You can feel the tears on his skin and his desperate cry to escape the inevitable. 

You look at him with the same fondness you once had. The last he’ll ever see. 

“It’s over, Sid.” you declare. “I don’t want this– I don’t want to be with you.”

“Y/N… please,” he says. “I’m begging you.” 

“Leave, Sidney.” you reach for the red button on the side of your bed, hoping to get Claire. 

Sidney’s tears continue to fall. But you no longer care. 

“I can’t do this without you.” he says in between sobs. 

You press the red button repeatedly. You wipe your tears away wishing Claire would get to you faster. 

“Please don’t end us.” he says, knees already on the cold hospital floor; a complete mess. “Please don’t make me leave.” 

Before you can push him further away, the door to your room abruptly opens; Kris and Geno come into view. 

With a firm yet cautious voice, Geno calls him. “Sidney.” 

Kris puts an arm over Sidney’s shoulder, “Let her get some rest.”

“Y/N–” Sidney calls for you once more; bearing with him the thought of losing his son and his son’s mother. The family you wanted a little too early. The family he wanted a little too late. The painful truth that Sidney chose to carry with him for years however ugly and cruel you made it to be just so he can still make it seem real. 

If only he knew.

series taglist: to be reblogged! [tumblr crashes a lot and won't let me post smh]

note: woooow been a hot min! how's everyone? i hope you liked this long over-due update i'm so sorry life got in the way for a bit. anw, you know how much of a sucker i am for interaction so lmk what you think love ya! ♡

add yourself to the series taglist here. i appreciate all kinds of feedback! ♡

[darl1ngpearl]

STREET RACE ,

mechanic!ellie x motorcyclist!reader

PART 2 OF MECHANIC

Author note: chapter 2 of the mechanic series, I kinda don’t like this part at all … but enjoy! Hope I didn’t disappoint

WARNING: petnames used by all characters, minor bullying, small motor crash, accident, injury, angst, flirting, ect.

MESSAGES - open

Y/N : Come see me race against Anderson tonight. 10pm, Woodward street. Be there 💓

read at 4:23pm

Ellie : i’ll be there.

read at 4:25pm

9:20pm

It was 40 minutes till the race against Abby, and to say you were nervous was an understatement. You were stood in the middle of the road biting your nails, looking around every second for some sight of Ellie, and if you weren’t scouting the area, you were checking your phone for her message.

So many thoughts were running through your mind. Thoughts about the race, thoughts about your opponent, if something might be wrong with your bike, Ellie, the garage.

You were sweating.

You watched Abby laugh and bicker with all her team, who would be racing later on through the night.

You were however, stood alone. You had a few team mates come and check on you once in a while, but then you were left alone with your own thoughts once the small conversation ended.

You checked your phone again, still no message. You looked around the crowd again, still no Ellie.

What if she didn’t want to watch you race? What if you thought there was something between you both, but she thought the opposite?

You groaned and shoved your phone into the back pocket of your jeans.

She was causing you too much stress and what you truly wanted to focus on was preparing for your race. Yet no matter what, the thought of her couldnt for even a second leave your mind.

You glanced into the crowd of teens and young adults, who were practically gasping to watch the race between you and Anderson, before you grabbed the handles of your motorbike and began wheeling it to the starting line.

Your bike was heavy, without a doupt, so wheeling it around was trouble for you at times, but you managed, you always did.

Yet, someone clearly thought otherwise.

Abby’s attention shifted from her team to you, and she couldn’t help but snicker at the sight, causing them to all turn their heads to also watch. She excused herself from the group, before making her way towards you.

“Need help there princess? Looks like you’re struggling.”

She wore a confident grin on her face, and crossed her arms as she slowly walked beside you.

You didn’t mutter a word, keeping your eyes on the bike.

“Excuse me doll, it’s extremely rude to ignore someone when they are trying to talk to you.”

You huffed and looked towards her with a scowl,

“No, I don’t need your help Anderson. Leave me be.”

She rolled her eyes and went to grab ahold of a handle, before you smacked the back of her hand, causing her to pull away quickly with a hiss.

You stopped walking and spoke through gritted teeth,

“Don’t touch my fucking bike Anderson.”

You could hear small gasps and whispers from those who witnessed the scene in the crowd.

Abby looked around awkwardly, before scoffing in your face. She took a step closer and held a pointing finger infront of your face.

“I’d cut it with the attitude if I were you. You won’t be feeling so big when i win the race.”

The comment caused you to belly laugh.

“Alright Abby whatever you say, but just remember who beat you in every other race.”

You grabbed the handles of your bike once more and began to walk away. Yet, you were again stopped. This time, by Ellie running onto the tracks shouting your name.

You spun around the moment you heard her voice, with the biggest grin painted across your face.

“Y/N!”

She stopped right before you with a wide smile. She was dressed in her signature white tank, paired with jeans and converse. In one hand she held a tool box, and in the other 2 water bottles.

She set down the items beside your bike, before pulling you in for a hug.

“Sorry I was late, the queue to get in was packed. Everyone must be dying to see my girl huh?”

You blushed at the comment before planting a kiss on her cheek.

“Don’t be so silly, atleast you’re here now.”

Abby, who was still standing close by you, grimaced and grunted at the sight.

Ellie raised an eyebrow and turned to Abby, her hands remained on your hips. She gave the well built women a quick glance up and down.

“Problem Anderson?”

Abby raised her hands in surrender, scoffing under her breath.

“Not at all Williams.”

Abby then spun on her heals and began her way back to her team.

Ellie focused back to you and tucked a few loose strands of your pony tail behind your ear.

“Brought my tool box just incase you wanted me to quickly check up on your bike. I also brought you some water, I’m sure racing can be thirsty work.”

You giggled and pecked her lips thrice before speaking,

“Thanks els”

She pulled away from the hug and turned to your bike before you could catch the plush painted across her cheeks.

Ellie grabbed your bike and with ease, pushing it towards the starting line and you finally managed to make it with no interruption.

You carried the water and the tool box and once making it to the line, you handed the box towards Ellie.

Straight away she got to work checking the parts of the bike, making sure nothing was faulty or broken.

You stood beside her, scrolling through Instagram and messages, sending replies to the “good luck” messages and commenting on instagram posts that were raving about the race that was taking place in a matter of minutes.

The time read 9:50pm. Meaning, everyone needed to get into position to start. The roads needed to be clear of people, minus those racing, to ensure the safely of everyone, and the gates needed to be checked to ensure no one was hopping over to run on the tracks mid race.

Ellie closed up her tool box and brushed the sweat off her forehead with her forearm.

“All sorted babe, should be more than safe to ride.”

You flashed her a genuine smile and hopped onto your bike. You took a few sips from the first bottle from Ellie, before pulling your helmet over your face.

Ellie was watching you with complete admiration, in disbelief she was able to pull you of all people. Secretly, she was thanking god you didn’t know how to care for a faulty bike or parts. She was also thanking Jesse for dragging you to her garage when you needed a wheel change, or else you may have never met.

She was quickly pulled out of her trance when you turned your head to look at her.

You shouted over the roaring engines and loud cheers from the crowd,

“Cheer for me”

You blew her a kiss and she smirked, before shouting back,

“Was already planning to doll”

You giggled and turned to look to your other side, watching Abby shove her helmet on and rev her bike, causing the cheers from the crowd to grow louder. You rolled your eyes and faced forward, cringing at her smug attitude.

Ellie was ushered off the tracks. She sat just in front of the gate, next to medics and engineers, giving her a better view of the large screen that would be showing the race.

Abby and you had to go around the track 5 times before the race ended. Whoever made it to the finish line first on their last lap would win, obviously.

There was a few rules in place, not to purposely run each other of the tracks, to not hop off your bike at any point during the race, unless standing at the side of the track, and other basic rules.

You listened to the referee announce the race through the speakers. When your name was announced, screams, yells, cheers and claps all came from the crowd. You blew a kiss to the camera that was currently live on the screen, causing the crowd to grow louder. There were cameras flashing left right and centre, trying to capture the best shot of you pre race, if you won, the attention you recieve at the finish line would be doubled.

Abby as then announced, and the crowd once again started to cheer and cameras were flashing at every direction. You weren’t one to brag, but if the winner depeneded on how loud the crowd cheered for you, you would’ve already won.

On camera, Abby flexed her muscles, causing many people in the crowd to scream. You on the other hand, we’re caught in the corner of the screen rolling your eyes and pretending to gag, causing loud irrupts of laughter from those watching, even from the medics and engineer team.

Then, the countdown. The referee would count down from 30, and as soon as the last digit was announced, Abby and you would be speeding around the tracks, racing against eachother in hopes of winning. If Abby were to win this race, it would be the first time she’d beat you. You and Abby had raced against eachother 8 times, 9 if you include the race about to start, but all 8 times you won. Abby would always claim you cheated and demand a rematch, yet everytime the referee said you won fair, and even shown Abby camera footage of you beating her with ease.

5…4…3…2…1

The second the referee announced the last number you sped off down the track, leaving Abby to trail behind. The crowd was left behind, the chants growing quieter as you turned a corner. You felt small splats of rain on your helmet. The rain didn’t bother you when racing, as long as it didn’t pick up. Heavy rain means the race could be cancelled because of how dangerous the tracks would be. It just wasn’t safe.

You continued to speed around the tracks, clocking the sight of Abby in the corner of your eye railing close behind you. You flashed your tail lights at her, before speeding up and once again leaving her behind.

You turned another corner and as you rode along the straight road you could hear the faint cheers of the crowd. You made your way back into the pit, where the starting line was.

You slowed your bike down for a brief second, to wave at those in the crowd, before speeding off into your second lap. A few seconds behind you came Abby, who didn’t stop to pay the crowd attention. She earned a few boos, but her main focus was beating you.

Midway through your second lap the rain started to pick up, causing you worry. You were still able to clearly see the roads, but without a doubt the track was getting slippy.

You decided to slow down until you got to your third lap, in hopes that the rain would calm. As you began to slow, Abby quickly overtook you and sped around a corner. You frowned at her behaviour, yet continued to ride ahead.

Your second lap was over, and you were again in the pit. You looked around as everyone in the crowd was wrapped in waterproof coats and ponchos. The rain wasn’t slowing down, infact, as you crossed the line you realised it was hard to see the road through the rain. It was dark, it was gloomy and it was chucking it down with rain.

You were worried, but nevertheless you began the speed up. You were neck to neck with Abby as soon as you picked up your pace.

You both road against eachother. You lifted up the visor on your helmet and shouted across to Abby, hoping she was able to hear you over the rain and rumbling bike engines.

“It’s too risky! If we keep racing one of us could get hurt!”

She aswell lifted up her visor and you got a clear view of the scowl painted across her face.

“I’m not stopping, I can ride in this weather without an issue, I won’t get hurt.”

She flicked down the visor and sped off.

You groaned and did the same, before picking up your pace. You swerved around corners with a slight wobble, causing you to panic further, yet you road in weather like this before and were fine, so surely you can do it again today.

Just before Abby made it into the pit, you sped past her and straight over the starting line.

Abby was in disbelief, before she started pushing herself to catch up. You were far ahead, gliding on the straight roads, the curved roads, you were practically flying around corners.

Ellie was watching you on the screen, and frankly she was panicking. The weather was beginning to become treacherous. People in the crowd started to leave due to the severity of the rain, the engineers beside her moved to sit under a gazebo where they had set up to cover spare bike parts, the medics were sat in the ambulance and Ellie was just standing out in the pouring rain, biting her nails, too afraid to take her eyes off the screen.

For some stupid reason, the referee refused to end the race and continued to announce every moment of the race through the speakers.

You couldn’t see through your visor whatsoever, which caused you freak out. You couldn’t see the tracks, it was so painted with rain that you couldn’t even see the rain falling.

You were riding too fast for you to take your hands off the handles for even a split second. If you were to slow down to lift it, Abby would take you over, and in the second to last race, it was too much of a risky move.

You were just about to make it through to the pit when you turned around a corner and instead of turning, your bike started to swerve left and right, before it tipped sideways and skated off the tracks, with you still on it.

You screamed and shut your eyes tight. Bracing for any possible impact into barriers or bushes.

Just before your bike landed flat, you rolled off and tumbled onto the sludgy mud. You grimaced in pain and were frozen in place for a few moments, before you clocked what had just happened.

Ellie watched your bike skate off of the tracks in fear. All colour had fell from her face as she looked at you sprawled across the floor.

Gasps, screams and yells came from the remaining crowd. Everyone couldn’t believe the sight playing before them.

You were never in previous biking accidents, you were one of the steadiest racers, one of the best racers, and there you were, on the side of the road not moving.

Immediately, sirens belonging to ambulances were wailing, paramedics were jumping in and buckling up, before they sped off down the track.

Ellie didn’t know what to do. She was frozen in place, eyes unable to pull away from the screen.

That was her girl.

Her girl who just crashed, her girl who she couldn’t be beside, her girl who she couldn’t help, her girl who she didn’t know was even breathing.

Her eyes started to brim with tears. She was in shock, she was petrified and she needed to get to you as fast as possible.

Without thinking, she turned to a mechanic who was packing up their truck to make their way towards the crash.

She grabbed the man by his shoulders and frantically spoke,

“I need you to get me to her right now.”

Instead of the male questioning her, he just nodded his head and pulled away from her grasp.

“Get in”

He jogged over to the drivers side, and as Ellie sat down in the passenger seat, chants and claps started to irrupt from the crowd.

Ellie turned her head to the large screen and watched as you had sat up and yanked off your helmet, throwing it at your bike.

The look on your face made her heart break.

You were in tears and the look on your face portrayed pure panic. You had a few scratches across your cheeks and your bottom lip was split.

Without a single thought, you shot up for your position and began to yank at your bike, you felt dizzy and there was a slight wobble to your form each time you yanked at the bike, but nevertheless, you didn’t stop.

You needed to finish the race, you needed to get back on the tracks before Abby caught up.

You managed to unstick the bike from the mud and lifted it upright. You circled around it, checking for any serious damage. It was too dark for you to pin point any faulty parts of the bike, but it wasn’t going to stop you.

You ripped off your leather jacket and started to wipe the mud off your bike with the long sleeves of your shirt. If anything, the bike wasn’t getting any cleaner, you were just getting dirtier.

After a few moments, you stepped back from the bike, your jeans and shirt now caked in thick mud.

You started to push your bike to the side of the track, grunting with each push.

For the first time since the crash, you look at the tracks.

There were now 2 ambulances stationed in front of you, Abby and her bike, the referee and his car.

You gnawed at your bottom lip, taking in the sight before you.

Your eyes were glued to the referee, who was also the owner of this whole racing programme, marching towards you.

Before he spoke, you just started to plead.

“I’m fine! I’m not hurt! Please let me race, please let me race I can still do it!”

You patted the seat of the bike and continued to beg,

“See! My bike is fine! I can still race, please just let me race”

You were distraught, you were sobbing and blubbering, begging the man for anything.

“ I cannot let you race, it’s against the rules and you know it is. You come off the tracks, you don’t race. I’m dissapointed in you Y/N, normally you’re golden when it comes to racing.”

You held your hands over your face and just sobbed. You couldn’t believe it. If it was a fair reason that you lost then you wouldn’t be as upset, but this was more than unfair.

You lifted your head from your hands and took a step closer to him,

“I can still race though! Just bend the rules, just this once I am begging you! You don’t even have to restart the lap, just let me go from here I can still do it! I still have a chance please!”

“No Y/N, I don’t care what you have to say, I’m not bending my rules for someone who can’t stay on the tracks, Abby is the winner, don’t be a sore loser.”

You were astounded by what was coming from his mouth, it just upset you further. You watched as he walked away from you, shaking his head. You groaned aloud and shoved your bike over, kicking at the back wheel before continuing to cry.

You heard heavy steps approaching you, and you begin bracing yourself for another lecture.

You looked up and saw Abby, whose eyebrows were knitted together.

“Abby-“

You didn’t even get to speak before she was pulling you into a hug. Her large, muscular arms wrapped around the small of your back, and she pulled her head into her chest.

“Is everything alright? Are you injured? God, I’m such a twat. I’m sorry I ignored you when you said we could get hurt.”

You wrapped your arms around her middle and sobbed into her chest.

“He said he’s disappointed in me. I begged him to let me hop back on the tracks and then we won’t have to restart the lap, but he said he didn’t want to listen to me when I can’t even stay on the tracks!”

She rubbed a palm against your back, before scoffing at the behaviour received from the referee.

“You’d think he’d act opposite to how he did, considered his best racer just got injured, and if this news comes out to the wrong people his business could be taken down.”

You shrugged your shoulders and pulled away from the hug.

“Thanks Anderson, sorry for covering you in mud”

You both looked at her chest, which had mud and tears smeared on the middle.

You both laughed at the sight whilst she led you towards the paramedics.

You sat down on the back of the ambulance and relaxed your shoulders.

“I just need to do something real quick okay? I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Abby still has a frown displayed across her face and was typing furiously away at her phone.

“Where are you going?”

“To the pit, the ref is there and I need to talk to him”

You groaned and rolled your eyes,

“Don’t do anything stupid Anderson”

She chuckled and shoved her phone in her Jean pocket. She flattened a few stray hairs on the top of your head before sending you a playful wink.

“I can’t promise you that”

You scoffed and watched as she jogged to her bike, shouting over her shoulder to you,

“If I see Williams I’ll bring her here! But I sure she has already found a way to get to you!”

You nodded and giggled, then whispered an apology to the medic who was trying to treat the wounds on your face.

You shut your eyes and listened to the faint bellowing of the crowd in the distance. You let out a sigh and thought about how quickly the race went sideways.

You felt lucky with the impact, you only had a few injuries, and nothing severe happened to you. Your bike on the other hand, is probably fucked, and it didn’t help that you shoved it over and kicked it.

You winced slightly as the medic raised your shirt, checking for anymore injuries. You had a few purple and blue bruises across your hips, which was mostly likely from tumbling off your bike.

“Oh my, you’re going to need to rest up well my dear, these are broken ribs”

You groaned and threw your head back I frustration, letting out a harsh puff of air.

She climbed into the back of the ambulance and pulled out a foil blanket, then wrapping it around your shoulders.

“Thank you”

You barely spoke above a whisper. You sighed and pulled your phone from your pocket, looking at the hundreds of recent posts you were tagged in. They concluded of photos and videos of the crash, as well as messages wishing you the best. You checked your messages and saw a message from Jesse, Ellie and your mum.

Ellie and your mother had messaged you before the race, your mum had sent you a good luck message, and Ellie had sent you a video of the large screen minutes into the race. Jesse had messaged you after the crash asking if you were okay. You sent him a quick reply before you went back onto Ellie’s messages.

When you played the video, you could hear her screaming and cheering for you. It made you giggle and when the video ended, you replayed it again and again.

You smiled at how cheesy she was and saved the video into your camera roll.

You pressed on the call button and held your phone upto your ear, waiting for Ellie to pick up. What you didn’t know, is that she was in the truck pulling up beside the ambulance.

You continued to let the phone ring, growing concerned that she wasn’t picking up. You heard one of the truck doors slam, which caused you to jump.

You poked your head around the wall of the ambulance, and saw Ellie sprinting towards you, which reminded you of her before the race.

You shot up from your seated position, before you groaned and clung onto your stomach, placing a firm hand over your ribs.

“Oh my god, oh my god! Are you alright? How badly injured are you? Oh fuck, I thought you were dead!”

you frowned and grabbed her hand, holding it between both your hands, caressing her palm with your thumb.

“I’m okay els, promise. Just a few scratches and broken ribs, other than that, I’m okay.”

She sighed and pulled you in for a hug, being careful not to press against your waist. Her hands rested on your butt and her chin was leaning on the top of your head. She closed her eyes and held you as close as she could.

“I don’t think I have ever been so scared in my life”

“I’m sorry els, I’m really sorry”

She planted a kiss on the top of your head and grumbled,

“Don’t you apologise, you’re not the one who should be doing that. The only person that should apologise is that dickhead of a referee”

You giggled and closed your eyes, enjoying her warm embrace

“I hope you know you’ll be covered in mud now”

She scoffed and lifted you from the floor. You wrapped your legs around her waist and rested your head on her shoulder.

The mechanics and recovery team were busy collecting your bike, so Ellie decided to walk her way back to the pit. It wasn’t far, maybe a five minute walk at most.

“I’ll take us back to mine okay? I’ll help you clean up, I’ll make us something to eat, and we can just relax”

You nodded and kissed her cheek,

“I’ll have to borrow some clothes though”

“Well obviously, I’m not going to make you walk around naked, even though that would be hot as fuck”

You slapped her chest and you both laughed.

Ellie put you down just before she walked through to the pit.

“You okay to walk? I would carry you in but I think everyone is expecting a grand entrace.”

You rolled your eyes and held onto her hand, before making your way into the pit. Immediately, the crowd was roaring, some were screaming, or cheering, some were clapping, some were even crying.

You waved to the crowd and had a wide smile

Painted across your face. You looked around and giggled at everyone’s reactions.

You both continued to walk through the pit, looking through everyone in the crowd. You lent in close to Ellie and flashed her a grin,

“I hope you know everyone here will be posting about us together tonight, they probably think we are dating”

Ellie chuckled and stopped walking, pulling you to stop with her.

“What?”

“Should we address the rumours?”

You frowned as she pulled you closer, resting her hands on your cheeks.

“I don’t understand what you mean”

“Should we let them know that are we dating?”

You sighed, hugging your arms around her waist.

“But we are not, Ellie”

She hummed in agreement and caressed your face with her thumbs,

“Y/n-“

“Ellie don’t you dare”

She grinned and planted a quick peck on your lips.

Whilst this was all occurring, the crowd was going insane. You thought they couldn’t get any louder, yet they managed to prove you so very wrong.

“Y/n, will you be my girlfriend?”

“You’re seriously asking me this on one of the most humiliating nights of my life Williams?”

“Is that a no?”

You rolled your eyes and shook your head,

“Yes Ellie, I will be your girlfriend”

She grinned and pulled you into a deep kiss.

Ellie and you were projected onto the large screen, for everyone to watch the romantic moment.

Everyone was clapping and cheering, enjoying the moment almost as much as you and her.

You pulled away and there was a light blush spreading across your cheeks.

“Cmon, we need to find Abby…and my bike”

She nodded her head and followed you to a small group of racers that were standing in a circle.

“I watched you shove over your bike after talking to the ref, kind of hurt my soul knowing how much time I spent finding imaginary issues went into that bike”

“Oh shut your mouth Williams, you’ll live”

She laughed and playfully shoved your arm.

The closer the both of you got to the circle, the sooner you realised the referee and Abby were standing in the middle. And the closer you got, the better you could hear Abby bellowing at him.

“I swear to god if you do not want to lose your job we will be doing a re-race! It won’t be tommorow, it won’t be next week! But it will fucking happen. And I swear if it doesn’t, you will lose all your racers, all your money, your job, your life, everything! You don’t even want me to get started on how far I will go to take you down, but trust me it’ll be too fucking far you asshole”

Abby pushed her way out of the circle and was met by you and Ellie standing in front of her with wide eyes and mouths agar.

“There will be a re-race.”

You nodded and flashed her a genuine smile,

“Thank you abs, really”

“Don’t even mention it, I enjoyed shouting at that asshole”

The three of you laughed, before you pulled Abby into another hug.

“Please don’t hug me back, you may break more of my ribs”

“Holy shit, you broke your ribs?”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll be okay, plus I’ve got Ellie to take care of me”

You both pulled away from eachother and she nodded.

“Oh, they’ve taken your bike to the workshop, you’ll be getting a message about that sooner or later”

“Thank you”

“Of course, I’ll let you both get going, I gotta get back to Dina before I recieve another angry text message”

You giggled and nodded, watching her jog away to the car park.

You turned your attention back to Ellie and started to laugh at the shocked expression,

“Dina?!”

Your laughter grew louder and you started to walk away from her, on your way to the car park.

“Cmon slow poke”

She rushed over to you, before walking beside you. She grabbed ahold of your hand and intertwined her fingers with yours.

“Please tell me you brought your car Williams”

“Of course I did, I was not going to walk the whole hour here, I would’ve missed the first part of the race.”

You rolled your eyes and lent your head on her shoulder,

“You are so whipped”

END OF PT 2

Author note: please tell me your thoughts, I do not enjoy how this chapter came out. Part 3 (final part) out soon baby!!

[wooattackrr]

The kingpin and his match

MDNI

wc: 1.3k (my lazy ass took 3 weeks and 2 shots to get this done)

author notes: my 2nd story! once again I struggled w the smut bit but you gotta push thru 😖

Jeonghan was the self-proclaimed king of the school, or so he thought. He revelled in making others squirm, taking pleasure in their fear. So when you walked into class on your first day, he saw an easy target.

You were quiet, reserved, and unfamiliar with the dynamics of the school. Jeonghan sensed vulnerability and pounced. He began with snide comments, mocking your clothes, your hair, and your accent. He thought it would be easy to break you, to make you cry or run away.

But you didn't flinch. You met his jabs with a calm, collected gaze, your eyes flashing with a hint of amusement. Jeonghan was taken aback, his taunts falling flat. He tried harder, pushing boundaries, but you remained unfazed.

One day, he decided to take it a step further, thinking that physical intimidation would do the trick. He cornered you in the hallway, his gang of friends snickering in the background. But instead of cowering, you stood tall, your eyes locked onto his.

"Jeonghan, I've had enough of your childish games," you said, your voice firm but measured. "Leave me alone, or face the consequences."

Jeonghan sneered, but you didn't back down. In a surprising move, you grabbed his wrist, twisting it in a precise motion that left him yelping in pain. His friends scattered, and Jeonghan was left alone, facing a fierce determination in your eyes.

For the first time, Jeonghan felt a spark of fear. He realized that he had underestimated you, that you were not a pushover. From that moment on, he began to notice the subtle ways you stood up for yourself, the quiet confidence that commanded respect.

Jeonghan's bullying attempts slowly ceased, replaced by a growing curiosity about you. He found himself wanting to know more about the girl who had stood up to him, who had challenged their so called “leader”.

It was the week of school camp, considering you had only transferred to the school 2 weeks ago your circle of friends consisted of your home room teacher and one of the lunch ladies who you had bonded with, simply from the way she warmed the frozen cafeteria cookies; quite embarrassing. You tried your hardest to use your so called “charm” on the other students, but nobody really wanted to share a cabin with the girl who had nearly broken the schools biggest jock’s wrist.

“This has to be a joke.” You said holding up the list of students who would be sharing a cabin for the next 3 days. “Hong Jisoo, Kim Mingyu, Y/LN and Yoon Jeonghan.” This just so happened to be your luck. You gripped the sheet of paper and ran to the cafeteria, this was a rant your lunch lady friend would not hear the end of. “Look at this! I can’t even comprehend how this fancy posh school with this stupid over-the-top architecture can’t fit in a little gender segregation!” But as always, the lunch lady stayed non-verbal and nodded her head in agreement.

The bus that would be taking students to camp arrived and you say next to your new friend Seungkwan. He and Jeonghan had some past and to say he was surprised you were able to conquer the conqueror was an understatement. “You know I never understood why they choose the rainiest days to do fun school activities like this!” Seungkwan continued to blab on about the topic as you zoned out, Yoon Jeonghan, of all people you had been chosen to share a room with him, the other two guys were cute and sure, Jeonghan had his good-looking moments, but you would need more than a prayer to get through these 3 days.

Once you arrived at the campsite your jaw fell in amazement. The beautiful architecture of the building was one thing, but the spacious cabins which looked like a miniature neighbourhood were absolutely amazing, the muddy, mushy terrain however, did not fit in with the rest of the place.

You walked with Seungkwan to your cabins. Thank goodness they were beside each other, you thought to yourself, but once you saw the list of activities you realised that it was fine and could’ve been worse, yoon jeonghan was still an aching problem. You entered your cabin and to your dismay, jeonghan was already there, he gave you a dirty look but quickly wiped it away when the camp councillor came in, “everything alright? Lights out at 9:30 PM.” She announced and then left the room with a smile, this was going to be hell. You set up your area of the room, staying close to Mingyu as the other two argued about who would be top bunk. When you were done it was already 9:15, you decided to check up on Seungkwan’s cabin, considering there was nothing but loud music and laughter coming from there, you opened the door and was met with welcoming smiles, “buh bye y/n, we’re in the middle of a karaoke night, it’s nearly lights out anyways” Seungkwan said jokingly, you nodded and went back to your cabin not so sure if he and his friends would be so keen on you invading their time together, screw all the teachers who came up with this cabin plan.

Once you returned to your place of residence, you sighed heavily, it was empty except for one person, Jeonghan. “You’re back I see. I would’ve called the councillors on you if you stayed any longer.” He said, you could hear the smirk in his voice, it made you feel some kind of way, you didn’t know what it was but you liked it. “Do you want your wrist twisted again?” Jeonghan stayed silent. “Thought so.” You said and climbed into your bunk, you learnt from Jeonghan that the other two had volunteered to help clear the forest in case lightening struck, apparently many other students had gone, you cursed yourself for not volunteering and unintentional putting yourself in this mess. The weather was nothing but horrible, you curled up in your blanket praying that Mingyu and Joshua would return to ease the tension in the room, you weren’t sure if Jeonghan was asleep so you grabbed your torch and walked over to his bed to see if he was awake or not, just as you got up, a large bolt of lightning struck causing you to jump and land on Jeonghan. Fuck. Turns out he was, in fact, awake. “Scared of lightning huh?” He said with a chuckle, you rushed to get up, thanking heaven that it was dark so he couldn’t see the blush on your face. “Who the hell stays completely still when a loud bang is heard” you said trying to put on a brave face, “I bet you flinched too.” Jeonghan got up from the bottom bunk of his bed and stood in front of you, he lifted his hand and placed it on under your chin. “I didn’t flinch.” He scoffs, despite the dimness of the cabin, you could hear the smirk in his voice. “Gosh, I can feel you blushing, pretty ironic for somebody who supposedly hates me, don’t you think?” Jeonghan said while closing the gap between the two of you. To say the tension in the air was immense was in fact an understatement. Jeonghan leaned forward, pressing his lips on yours, you froze in place not knowing what to do, until Jeonghan took both of your hands and brought them to his neck. “Rookie.” He let out in between the kiss.

“Jeonghan..” you let out with a soft moan, the two of you trying to keep your intimacy discreet by hiding under the thick blanket, “you know you gotta be quiet, hm? we’re still on a school trip, doll.” he said, thrusting in and out of you, each time more sensual and pleasurable, you gripped his shoulders, nails digging into his skin as you felt your high approaching. “han.. ‘m gonna-“ and just like that, the cabin lights switched on, the two of you poked your heads out of the blanket to see your other two roomates you’d seemingly forgot about.

“Shit.” Jeonghan scoffed and sat up. “Seems mister kingpin has found his match.”

[particular-one]

my heart won’t start anymore.

pairing. dan heng x gn!reader cw. hurt/no comfort, implied relationship between reader and dan heng, falling out of love (or is it), heavy angst that is carlyle's brand™ author's note. i say i love dan heng then subject him to my heaviest angst ideas. teehee, whoops. is anyone still surprised that i wrote yet another fic to a taylor swift song? listen to you're losing me for maximum enjoyment. ❤️‍🩹

dan heng would have to be the luckiest man alive to have known someone like you and simultaneously, the most foolish man alive to let you slip through his fingers.

dan heng did not know where to begin when it came to describing you. to merely think he was lucky enough to call someone like you his was an understatement; you were perfect for him in every way possible, that it baffles him just how he's with you.

the way your eyes sparkled at the mention of stars, your favorite subject, before dan heng listened for the millionth time to your lighthearted ramble of where the stars came from. the way your laugh echoed melodiously in his head when he made a small but harmless mistake, how he would frown a little in shame but your toothy grin would make him forget his initial embarrassment. the way your head rested on his chest, humming to a childhood lullaby that would always have the same effect on his heart — to grow bigger in affection and adoration for you.

and you made him a better person, better than he ever thought he could be. dan heng had always carried the burden of his past reincarnation's sins on his back, but your presence always made the weight seem lighter. a glimpse of you was a glimpse of a life that he could live without guilt. and he wanted to make sure that he was worthy of it. worthy of you.

in short, dan heng found the perfect lifelong partner in you, end of story.

which ... just made your words pierce deeper than a knife to his heart.

"i think we should stop."

dan heng was too deep in his thoughts that he had not realized that he crumpled the paper flower bouquet in his hand. he was supposed to hand this to you the moment he stepped inside your room; march had teased him on the amount of dedication he put in perfecting his craft — according to the archives he has read, they called it the art of origami — but dan heng found himself smiling the entire process. secretly, he thought of it like his practice of building a life with you; handling the paper with subtle gentleness and care, folding it neatly to avoid any creases, before constructing a foundation for the camellia flower, your favorite flower.

what a joke this all seems to be now.

what was going on? where did he do wrong? why were you doing this? dan heng tried to remember if he had forgotten anything important. was it the time that he brushed you aside because he was engrossed in the mission? was it because dan heng constantly locked himself in the archives all by himself, that you grew tired of that?

".... stop what?"

you looked up at him, your stormy eyes brimming with tears that you were still trying to hold back. even when you were crying and breaking his heart, dan heng could not help but think how captivating you still looked. "you know what i mean."

why? "why?"

from his perspective, he could already see how much you were struggling to say it. you were shaking your head as your body was trying to hold in the biggest sob. it took everything in dan heng not to run to you and hold you in his arms, but what are the chances that you'd end up pushing him away? your words were evidence enough that you did not need his grasp right now.

"i just... i just don't see a future with you in it."

well, that hurt. that hurt more than the days that his other self wasted away in the shackling prison, mind swimming in terror and confusion as to why he was restrained the moment he was born. that hurt more than the time he sustained his deepest injury, because you were the one who ended up patching it up for him, all the while chastising him for being too reckless again. he won't have that anymore.

"why?" it was a repeat of his former question, but dan heng could hear his voice breaking as he repeated himself. moments ago, he was just dreaming about spending the rest of his life with you. to be able to wake up with you next to him and be the first to see the satisfied smile on your face. to stay by your side until the day you inevitably passed on before him.

and now, you were asking him to let that all go?

despite his initial reflections, dan heng took a step towards you, to which he was greeted with you stepping backwards, a sight that sank his heart even deeper. "but i love you." dan heng started, his heart soaring when he saw that his words still elicited a reaction from you. at this point, he was just grasping at non-existent straws that would bring you back to your senses. back to him. "we can figure a way—"

"dan heng." he stopped at his name, before slowly looking up to meet your gaze. your eyes were clouded with pain, sorrow, but most importantly, it was devoid of the warmth that dan heng sought solace in.

"i... i don't know if i can do this anymore."

you were no longer facing him, your back shaking in muffled sobs as dan heng stood there, as he watched you push him away for the first and last time. the feeling of the crumpled paper flower on his palm left nothing but a sour taste in his mouth. to think that he was so excited to see you.

"you're giving up then? on us?"

his voice came out hollow, his once forlorn expression twisting in incredulity and subtle frustration. to think that he was so excited to make things finally official between the both of you. he was finally ready to settle down and become the better man— no, the best man for you. could you not see how hard he worked to deserve you?

how cruel were you, really?

you didn't turn around to face him, but your silence told him everything he needed to know. it took everything in him to stifle the urge to let out a bitter laugh. how could he be so foolish? who would love someone as stoic, risk-taking and tactless as him, anyways?

"i didn't take you for a quitter, y/n. but i guess we're learning something new about each other right now." he spat out, which earned a turn from you. dan heng could see the hurt in your eyes. it annoyed him that even when you're hurting him, it still pained him to see you in distress. it took everything in him to reel back and stop himself. "so this is it; this is how all... this ends." he refused to let this flurry of emotions overwhelm him, as dan heng took one step closer towards you, and to his surprise, you stood, feet firmly planted on the ground. well, what does that matter now.

he was now towering over you, his eyes never leaving your figure and now was looking down at you. a part of him begged him to not say anything else, to leave with his dignity and his head up high. even if they weren't ... partners anymore, he could still try salvaging a friendship. and yet, his emotions took full control of himself at that moment. "i can't believe i even thought you were the one for me, but i guess i would probably outlive you, anyways. "

he could have sworn he heard your breath hitch as your eyes betrayed everything you were feeling at the time. a mix of grief, sadness and surprise at his words, no doubt. however, it was a fleeting sight that only slipped into another unreadable expression. "leave. please... just leave."

typically, dan heng would be able to tolerate the silence between the both of you, but that was because he could lose himself in your gaze. not now, though. his hand crumpled the paper flower even further before he threw it at the ground. dan heng took one last look at you, a small hope resurfacing that you would take everything back, that you were simply saying it in jest — but there was nothing.

he allowed his anger to overtake him and close the door behind him with a loud slam, huffing in mixed grief and anger and leaving your room for the last time. even when you were no longer looking, dan heng still refused to let that flurry of emotions overwhelm him. he shouldn't cry over someone who gave up on him as easily as that.

if he had lingered for a moment longer, he would have probably heard you breaking down in the loudest sobs on the other side of the door.

━━━━━━━ ˖°˖ ☾☆☽ ˖°˖ ━━━━━━━

it had been three months since you left the astral express. three months since dan heng closed the door to the possibility that he would spend the rest of his long, long life with you.

three months since he hurled all those hurtful words towards you, which he has regretted since then. but his stupid ego would not let him utter a single apology to you the following morning.

it didn't take long for you to pack your bags and leave, which dan heng actually found relieving. the more he didn't see you and mourn over what could have been, the better.

still, it had been three months. dan heng would be a liar if he said that you did not cross his mind once. well, maybe more than once. maybe a million times since you left. he hated how you still had a hold on him, hated how your voice would be the last thing he's reminded of before he drifts to sleep, but most of all, he hated how he missed you since that fateful night.

how could he have missed the signs?

the tug on his sleeve brought him back to reality, as march looked over at him with a concerned glance. dan heng just shook his head and looked down at the very thing he was holding.

a bouquet of camellias. real ones, this time.

"dan heng, if you're feeling overwhelmed, we can just—" he was already walking ahead of march without listening to what else she had to say. truthfully, nothing she would probably say would deter him. the cold weather of jarilo vi was enough to drone out his ever active mind. so this was the planet that you called home after you left the express.

it did not take long for him to reach his destination, especially with how fast he had been walking. dan heng could barely even see the identifiable pink hair belonging to march behind him anymore. he'd probably have to offer her an apology for leaving her behind later.

it was a desolate deserted place, save for the monsters that roamed nearby and the dilapidated house that dan heng could only surmise as your house. though, he knew already what he was looking for.

"hey, y/n. i know you probably don't want to see me again, but ... here are your favorite flowers, just how you liked them."

to find himself face to face to a makeshift tombstone wasn't a sight that dan heng could have ever prepared himself for, but the fact that it was your tombstone that he was leaving flowers for made his last words towards you sink a knife deeper in his heart.

how could he not have noticed your erratic heartbeat?

when you told him that you couldn’t see a future with him in it, he didn’t think that you meant you did not have a future.

all those months, dan heng refused to let the flurry of emotions overwhelm him, but maybe for this time, he could just blame the emotional downpour on the bleak cold weather.

"if you had told me you were dying, i would have stayed."

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

[thoughtsforsoob]

ateez x reader. voice kink.

i had someone confess to me before that i have a nice/sexy voice???? im a quiet person so i dont talk very much but this person really caught me off guard jsjsjsjsj really appreciate if you could do a smut based on this

- 🐰

a/n: I am guilty of the voice kink thing too, 🐰 anon 😏😏 i may be a little bit biased but Mingi’s voice does THINGS to me. Thank you so much for this request and I hope it meets your expectations 🩷 inbox is always open and I will be writing up all my other requests soon. I have a bunch so thank you so much!! (Super selfish decision but I’m making this about mingi)

warning: SMUT!! MDNI

Mingi has this really sexy deep voice all the time and to say you love listening to it would be the biggest understatement in the whole world. You could listen to him give the most boring presentation about statistics or something and you’d manage to stay engaged. His voice was just so perfect to you. This got you in trouble sometimes…like in this instance.

Mingi was on a livestream by himself and you’d happened to be in the room with him. You were just staring at him as he spoke and he noticed it no matter how much you tried to hide it. He did his best but not looking over at you with your mouth open with drool provably falling from your lips was so difficult. He also struggled not to look at the way you squeezed your thighs together. He knew immediately it was his voice doing this to you.

After about an hour and a half, his live came to an end. He made his way over to you when he was sure the livestream was off because he knew what was about to ensue. You were sitting on his bed since he had done the livestream in his bedroom. He walked over to you with the sexiest smirk on his lips. He sat down next to you and pulled you close to his side. “You really like my voice huh? Bet it made you super wet. Can I check?” His voice was super low and gravely, only making you putty into his hands. You just nod, not trusting yourself to get out any real words. He lays you down on your back and adjusts himself to hover over your lower half. He gently pulls your sleeping shorts down and throws them on the ground. when he gets to your panties, he smirked at the wet spot he was met with. "oh my goodness. you're so fucking wet. good girl." he groaned. your legs only shake even more when he starts to gently rub your clit over the underwear. he does that for a while to tease you, loving that he got to take in your reaction. when he was done toying with you, he immediately switched up and basically ripped off your panties with a growl. "fuck, you like when im a little rough with you, hmm? say something, princess." he always had a way with words and that only made hearing him talk better. you nod and that did not please him at all. he hands a harsh slap on your slit and you cry out. "i said speak up, slut! you're not going to list to me?" you shake your head, "no no! im gonna listen!" he smirked, "there's my good girl. such a good listener. want me to keep talking? only if you promise to be a good girl and let me fuck you." you nod, "mhm yes! i'm gonna be so good for you!"

he get's a kick out of you basically begging for him to please you. he turns him on more than anything else. he starts to get up and strip himself out of his own clothes. you just watch with eager eyes and that does not go unnoticed by your boyfriend. he smirks over at you and flexes his bicep a little, "like what you see?" he let's out a chuckle when you're basically drooling. he get's back on the bed and flips you over onto your tummy, "get on your knees." he direcnts you and helps you by pulling up your waist. you obey and get onto your hands and knees just like he asked. he get's behind you and gently starts to push inside of you. the sudden stretch makes you squirm a little but he holds you tight. "stay still, little girl. you said you'd obey, didn't you?" you nod and let out a small "yes" to use your voice just the way he wanted you to. he finally pushed all the way into you to where you could feel his hips touching your ass. you whine when he bottoms out. he leans down to have his chest against your back and starts to trust into you slowly. he took this opportunity to lean down and whisper sweet nothings into your ear, knowing you wanted to hear his voice as close as possible. "mm pretty girl. you always make me feel do damn good. how do you always manage to feel this good hmm?" you can't help but blush at the vulgarities coming out from his beautiful, sweet lips.

it's not long before he feels himself on the edge of release. he make sure to check in with you first to see if you're close too. althought, when he asks you, you're too fucked out to answer so he just takes it as a sign to cum. when he feels like he can't hold back anymore, he cums inside of you and groans when he feels you squeeze around him, having felt your own release right then. he kept help but curse at how good it felt. "fuck baby! squeezing me so good! take all i've got. it's all for you!"

tldr: mingi has a sexy ass voice and i love him so much

[sweet-honey-tears]

Blanket Fort

Shinso x Gn!Reader

Hello everyone! Hope everyone is well! This was a request for some Shinso Fluff. I hope you like it! 🤍

Aizawa was gone, week week-long mission he begrudgingly accepted. More so against his will than anything, as it was the week of Eri's birthday. To say he was angry, would be an understatement. You were half sure hero society was about to revolt at the fact the commission took Aizawa away from Eri during her birthday week. Even Hawks seemed pissed, stopping by on Tuesday to drop off a present for Eri. You spoke to him shyly, the young civilian talking to a top Pro-Hero. “Thank Dove,” a nickname he called all fans, “ Still can’t behave they pulled the old man away from his daughter.” His voice teetered on venomous before he snapped back. “But hey, Eris got you and little Azawia, so I’ll know you make it great!” Damn straight you would.

The house was void minus the cats, Eri, Shinso, and yourself. The no-so-adopted third child who for a small moment, everyone thought was another addition to the family. In actuality, you were Shinso’s (Girl Friend, boyfriend, significant other) Though to Eri, you were big (Brother, Siter, Sibiling)

3am. Shinso phone rang, your pretty photo popping up. Shinso, as you knew, was awake, wide awake. But why where you?

“Baby why are you-”

“I HAVE AN IDEA!”

It was your idea to do the blanketfort. You had planned it before Aizawa had even left for the mission. Even ended up even planning the day with Aizawa. Which Shinso found both adorable and hilarious. Coming home from practice to see you at the counter, Aizawa leaning over the other side. Both of your faces in pure concentration as you talked about what to do for the fort alone- not the whole week itself.

Stuffies, blankets, fairy lights, pillows and what ever else where shoved into you bags. The zippers struggling to keep the stuffed animals from bursting. When Shinso opened the door for you, you where breathing heavily, arms full of bags stuffed with material.

Eri jumped up and down the moment you brought up at idea. Shinso smirked at your bad acting, saying the idea just came to you. You both where half sure Eri almost squeezed you to death when you started to talk about what else you all could do.

The Fort itself was the biggest challenge to set up. A drying rack, TV, and couch where the best bases to create a large enough Fort for the three of you. Stuffed animals surrounded the edges of the fort, and layers of blankets and bed mats covered the carpet in the living room, adding a much-needed cushion. Fairy lights hung inside like glistening vines and soft music played in the background.

Shinso and you self made sure to take photos, as many as your phones could hold. The large files sent to Aizawa, would barely responded, but you both knew he was happy.

Around 2 hours later, the blanket Fort, dinner, and Pjs done and you all rested in the rather large Fort. Shinso rested by your side, scrolling through his phone on bordem. Eri was thankfully fast asleep, her little area of the fort darker with only the twinkle of fairy lights to show her sleeping face. Shinso’s eyes caught the slight smiles on his little sister's face. Her arms wrapped tightly around one of the many stuffed animals you brought or bought for this occasion. His heart swelled, he was lucky for you. Lucky you loved everyone in the family so much, lucky that you loved Eri arguably more than him.

Shinso knew he and Aizawa wouldn't have been able to do this. They were stupidly busy, tired, and bogged with hero duties. In Aizawa’s casework, and his own being homework, patrols, and training.

“Shinso” you had whispered, causing him to snap out of his trance. “Your phone” you slightly giggled. Shinso looked down. In his distracted state, his thumb had been placed on the ‘f’ key. Typing out a long line of ‘fff’ as a comment on a video. Quickly canceling it, he let out a sigh.

“Got distracted” you laughed slightly, pushing yourself farther into him, yawning slightly. It was 1 am, and to his surprise, he was tired. “Tired kit?”

“Yeah… think I may call it” you yawn. Scooting down to lie down. He followed you, and quickly, almost garingly, pulled you close to him. Barely giving you time to move your arms around your boyfriend, lest they be trapped.

”I love you.” Your face softened, relaxing at the realization everything was okay. His arm brought you closer to him. “I love you so much.” He kissed the space available to him, an area of your clothed shoulder.

“I love you too Shin” he huffed, his chest tightening a little. He pulled away slightly, staring at you for a slight moment. As if ensuring you were telling the truth. You were, it didn’t take him long to conclude that. He leaned in to kiss your lips softly. Pulling away for only a moment before continuing. His hand slid to your hair, playing with the strands softly. Words weren’t needed, you both already knew everything he wanted to say. You scootched yourself under him, face nestled into the area of his neck and shoulder. Your legs weaving together to get unbelievably closer. “I love you so much, Shin.” Your face felt warm, and happiness almost caused wetness to prick your eyes. Shinso kissed the top of your head, pressing his lips to your temple.

“I love you too kitten, so much.” He squeezed you again, letting you both fall into a peaceful, gentle silence as you dozed off.

@waytotiredforthis

@bookcluberror

[fandomfantasyy]

blink are tou with my big autistic eysz (huskerdusk x masc reader poly headcanons maybe?... mayhaps?.. dare I say perchance?...)

𝜗୧ ,, huskerdust x masc!reader !!

꒰꒰ type ;; headcanons ,, ꒰꒰ pov ;; n/a ,, ꒰꒰ cw ;; mentions of alcohol / sex / violence / weaponry, but nothing too in depth, spoilers for hazbin hotel season 1 ,, ꒰꒰ characters ;; husk, angel dust, masc!reader ,, ꒰꒰ fandom ;; hazbin hotel ,, ꒰꒰ note ;; YOU CANT JUST SAY PERCHANCE (also this is my longest fic yet with around 2.5k characters so i hope youre happy :3) ,,

⌒ 𓈒 fanfic under the cut !! ꒱

・ Let's just say, chaos is an understatement for this relationship. But who said chaos was an inherit bad thing?

・ You never thought Angel could loosen up with the whole slut persona he has on constantly, but turns out it is possible. When you aren't around people, just you, Husk and him, Angel actually finally loosens up for once.

・ The three of you usually hang out at the bar of the hotel. Why? Why not.

・ Husk isn't the biggest fan of touch, but he's not touch repulsed. You want cuddles? "…Alright, but tell nobody." Well, besides Angel obviously. Did that stop you, though?

・ Every night is either full of laughs from stupid jokes, (maybe some about your supposed dick, anything is on the table with these two,) something related to some substance, or something completely different, and you've learnt how to deal with hangovers for Husk when morning comes if it was the second option. He used to not accept help, but he's learned to just relax around you. You weren't out to hurt him. It took him awhile to realize that.

・ On the contrary, the night after the fight with the angels was just a quiet night. Enough screaming and bullet noises had already gone through, so it was just a calm night of patching each other up and making a cuddle pile. Despite what you'd think, there were no tears. Just content to be around one another.

・ On a more funny note, either you or Angel would get the three of you matching sweaters. Corny ones at that. Husk would refuse, but eventually you guys wore them for a holiday or something.

・ You three always sit together when the hotel is sitting around for the TV or during one of Charlie's… therapy sessions? Intervention sessions? I don't remember what they're called. Not like you guys are gonna fuck around, even though you might, but you just enjoy each others company.

・ The difference between the two of them telling you they love you is WILD. In the relationship, I mean. Husk probably took a bit to warm up to saying those three words to you, but now is more comfortable telling you just how much he loves you. Angel, on the other hand, probably still struggles to say it, even if you're five years into the relationship. He'd probably slip you tiny notes instead, maybe start the system where three squeezes means "I love you". Whatever you were most comfortable with.

・ How you guys got together probably started with you making some joke about the two being gay (they're probably already dating), then a few more minutes of joking lead into an accidental confession. The rest you can imagine spiraled from there.

・ They're both protective of you in their own ways. After all, you were in Hell. But, hey, you know you mean too much for them. Too much to risk losing you due to some stupid mistake. ♡

[sky-kenobye]

For the Abba lyrics prompts, how do you feel about #47 with Obikin? 😁

Here I am, exactly five months later 🫣 I swear I hadn't forgotten it, I was just uh... lacking inspiration. But I did it!

#47 There was something in the air that night

Here you go, hope you like it! :D

There was something in the air tonight. He supposed that was what victory felt like.

Dooku was dead. Grievous was dead. Sidious was dead. The CIS and the Republic had declared peace.

And the jedi were... well, 'letting lose' might have been a bit of an understatement. Anakin was one of the most sober person in the room and he was well past tipsy. He couldn't help but marvel at the sheer number of jedi there. It was more than he had seen in a single place since at least the beginning of the war, if not longer. Not that he could see everyone at once, but he could feel them. Master, knights and padawans (the older ones that were of drinking age at least, although he spotted a few that he was pretty sure shouldn't have been there) were all over the room of a thousands fountains, which had became the spontaneous and unanimous meeting point for all the jedi at the beginning of the evening.

This... gathering... hadn't been planned but since the day Palpatine -Sidious- had been discovered and defeated, more and more jedi had come home. All their leaders dead, the CIS had floundered, which every battalions had taken advantage of to secure local victories, and when no counterattacks had come they had all eventually been called back to Coruscant one by one while peace talks had started.

And today, the armistice had been signed, finally.

As soon as they had heard the news, jedi had started reaching out to each other, spreading the news, and all of them had eventually flocked here to share their joy together. Even the crechemasters and their clans had come at first, until alcohol had started appearing (Anakin suspected the shadows to be behind that) and the younglings had been gently ushered to bed.

There was a decent chance that the junior padawans were currently having their own party somewhere far from their masters, but Anakin wasn't about to snitch. He doubted anyone would bother stopping them anyway. For one thing, the end or the war was a pretty good reason to let the padawans have fun too, and for another thing, everybody was probably too drunk on either alcohol or joy to really care.

He turned to his left when he felt a presence there and was met with Obi-Wan's arched eyebrow.

"What are you doing brooding in a dark corner?"

Anakin scowled in exagerated offense. "I'm not brooding!"

Obi-Wan hummed a skeptical sound, then after a few seconds his lips curled in a smirk. "Well then I'm sure you wouldn't mind dancing with me."

Anakin felt his eyebrow reach his airline and threatened to go further. Dancing? With Obi-Wan?? Well... he couldn't very well say no, could he? Not without being accused of brooding. Again. And... its not like he didn't want to, it was just... unexpected. Right, that was it. And the odd feeling in his stomach must be because he over-indulge with the alcohol, nothing to do with the prospect of being up close and personal with Obi-Wan. Nothing at all.

"Sure master, let's dance."

Oh, who was he kidding, he was absolutely fucked.

They walked to the part of the room that was being used as a temporary dance floor -it was chosen mostly just because it was the biggest clearing in the room without a fountain in the middle- but the force must not be on his side because as soon as they reached the other dancers the music changed to something slow that there was no way of dancing more than an arms length away from his partner. Which was fine. Completely fine. He could slow dance in Obi-Wan's arms without making a fool of himself for sure. No problem at all.

Obi-Wan didn't seem to have any internal struggles about the situation and took Anakin by the waist like he had planned this all along -which, honestly, Anakin wouldn't bet his remaining arm that he hadn't. He let Obi-Wan hold his hand, and put the other one on the man's shoulder.

They started gently swaying like that, half of Anakin's brain focused on acting normal, the other half too busy cataloging how Obi-Wan felt against him, all warm and solid and soft, guiding him in small circles, the thumb of his other hand tracing patterns against the small of his back.

Oh force, Anakin was going to die. If spontaneous combustion hadn't been observed yet he would be the first reported case. He was sure some scientist would get a good paper out of it. Maybe Obi-Wan himself even, he was such a nerd at times.

He made the mistake of breathing in a little too deeply and instead of peace he got a lungfull of Obi-Wan's sent.

Mayday, mayday, the situation was fast becoming dire.

And just when he thought it couldn't get any worse (or any better, depending on your point of view) he made his worst mistake yet: he looked up, right into Obi-Wan's eyes. And he looked so gentle, so... fond.

Anakin swayed forward but caught himself in time. He awkwardly cleared his throat. Force, how long was this stupid song??

"You have no idea what is happening, do you?" Obi-Wan asked.

Anakin blinked dumbly at him.

Obi-Wan chuckled. "I think the entire council is going to be very mad at me if I don't clue you in and move this along. It's my understanding that they have gossiped about this for... much longer than is appropriate for a respectable body like them."

He was so lost. The council was gossiping? About... him and Obi-Wan??

He must really be particularly slow (he blamed the alcohol, although he knew he had drunk less than his master had. Or had he? He was starting to doubt that fact.) because Obi-Wan shook his head in fond disbelief and the hand that was holding Anakin close by the small of his back started going up and up, never leaving Anakin, until it reached the side of his neck, the thumb caressing his cheekbone.

And if Anakin thought he was going to pass out at that it had nothing on whatever happened in his head, stomach, toes, or other relevant and irrelevant parts of his body when Obi-Wan started using that hand to pull Anakin's face, towards his face. A face that included a mouth. Among other things. A mouth that he had a very hard time not focusing on.

And then said mouth was on his mouth and- oh. That was. Well. Hmm. He wasn't sure he had many braincells available to analyse the situation further than: OBI-WAN was KISSING HIM. K.I.S.S.I.N.G.

Well. Alright then. He could definitely get being that. He could even participate and- oh sweet force that was Obi-Wan's tongue. In his mouth.

Any braincell left was officially unavailable for the foreseeable future, please come back in 10 to 15 business days, goodbye and thank you.

He very vaguely heard a wolf whistle and something that sounded a lot like Master Windu but he couldn't be bothered enough to listen to what was going on around him. He had a master to kiss like his life depended on it after all.

[jm-2406]

Hi,

I was wondering if I could make a request for a matt murdock x reader idea. You could make it into a headcannon or a dribble I dont mind ✨.

Basically I’ve always found interesting the idea of matt either loosing his powers or his hearing senses (like in season 3)

So id think about something like that happening to him and the reader helping him found himself in his new routine without his vigilante identity.

(insecure and « in need of love » matt is my weakness jsjs)

Lots of angst but a happy ending if possible

(Also its preferable if reader is just a civilian too)

Thanks 🦋

Love me tender.

Summary - an unfortunate accident almost cost your boyfriend's life but you are there to help him recover, even if he gets emotional and says stupid things.

Pairing - Matt Murdock x teacher!reader.

Word count - 855.

Note - I'm sorry for being so late in delivering this, I got my exam results and it was not good. I was upset, so I couldn't get anything done.

Warnings - rushed ending, mentions of accident/injury, Matt and reader having a heart to heart.

Requests - open || find my work - here.

It came as a shock to you when a phone call disturbed your sleep at 3 a.m. informing you about your boyfriend's accident. You were the only person on his emergency contact and the hospital staff were quick to inform you. When you reached the hospital gates, a fear gripped your heart. You were not sure what happened with Matt exactly but you could make out that it was something very serious from the nurse’s words.

“[Y/N] [Y/L/N], I am here to visit Matt Murdock.” You informed the receptionist. She typed something on her computer and directed you towards the ward. That night, you had the biggest shock of your life as you waited for the doctors and nurses treating Matt.

“It was quite a fatal accident, Miss [Y/L/N]. We're lucky that he survived but he might take some time to recover and from what we have gathered, he might have some problems with his external auditory canal.”

“But… he'll be okay, right? He will recover, right?” You asked him. The doctor nodded his head and left because of another case. It was all up to you now, to let him know. You knew how upset he felt if treated with sympathy, you felt like that too. You just wanted him to recover completely before taking any risks with his life.

A few days later, when you were sitting quietly in the living room and grading the test papers, you heard a cracking sound. Rushing to the kitchen, you saw your boyfriend standing and in front of him, a broken glass. “Are you okay? And what are you doing here?” You carefully reached him and brought him back to your room.

Before you could scold him for being so careless and not resting enough, you saw him sitting quietly, too quietly like a statue. He was holding his mask in his hand. It was high time now, you needed to talk. You placed your hand on his shoulder and got his attention. Matt was still quiet.

“You can't carry on like this, Matt.” You said after a moment of silence.

“I don't know what to do. I'm lost, okay. This feeling… the feeling of being helpless and staying at home all day… it kills me. I feel like I failed.”

“No matt. Please don't say things like that.” Your voice was thick with emotions. “We can go through anything if we are together. Please don't shut me out.”

Matt gave you a sad little smile and you knew that you had a long road ahead of you.

A few days passed with you and Matt adjusting to the new life without his vigilante identity. It was a struggle in the beginning but slowly, he recovered… at least physically.

One evening, you were sitting on the couch, watching one of your favourite films when you noticed Matt standing in the corner, lost in his thoughts. “What happened, babe? You alright?” You rushed to him and to your surprise he jerked your hands off him. That had never happened before.

“I think we should take a break.”

“What?” To say you were shocked would be an understatement. You didn't know what came over him suddenly.

“Yes, [Y/N]… we should.” He sounded serious.

“But, at this point? I don't understand Matt. What happened?”

“Because I can't give you a normal life, [Y/N]. Why is it so difficult for you to understand that? You were sitting there, all peacefully, watching a move. We couldn't do that together, or anything normal couples do. How many times we had to cancel our plans because of me being daredevil and trying to save the city. You don't need to go through all of this. You deserve better, [Y/N].” He breathed hard after his confession, sightless eyes following where your figure should be.

“Leave it to me to decide what and who I deserve. I love you, Matt. I know that I never said it before, I didn't want to push you away. I don't want ‘normal’, I just want you.” By the end of it, you had wrapped your arms around his neck and forced him to sit down. It was one of the few raw moments you shared.

“I'm sorry.” He said after a few minutes of silence. “Promise me, you won't do anything stupid like this again.” You asked, gently massaging his scalp. Matt just nodded his head. You knew that you had a long road ahead of you but you were satisfied with the journey. In the end it's just you two, together.

THE END.

[minaswifeeeeeee]

when it’s starless, i will follow you to the moon

a dubchaeng marine biology au !

Dahyun is a marine biologist and Chaeyoung is an artist with a knack for sketching the waves!

(A/N: This is my first fic so apologies for the clunky formatting and/or spelling errors!)

———————————————————————

Dahyun has always known what she’d do with her life. from the way she would almost seem to gravitate to water on beach trips as a child to the way she was awe struck the first time she was taken to the aquarium, she knew. So it wasn’t much surprise to anyone when she moved to Jeju island right after college to pursue her studies. She found solace in watching the sun set over the shore after a long day of diving.

Chaeyoung, on the other hand, always found her way back to the ocean, no matter how hectic life became. The rhythmic ebb and flow of the tides called to her, a constant amidst the chaos in her life. It wasn’t surprising to anyone when Chaeyoung would up and disappear after a stressful evening to the sandy shores of Jeju Island.

—————————--------------------

As of late, Chaeyoung had been struggling. She had just opened an art studio in the heart of Incheon to showcase her work, a dream she should be celebrating. Yet, to say she was stressed would be an understatement. There's only so much creative inspiration an artist can produce in such a short amount of time, and Chaeyoung felt she was falling short. From late-night drives to clear her head to picking up journaling again as her therapist had suggested three years ago (better late than never), Chaeyoung was stuck.

This explains the abruptness of her trip to Jeju Island —she needed to clear her head. Ever since she could remember, the ocean had always been her biggest muse, a source of inspiration that never failed her. It was what she needed now.

She booked a last-minute flight, the shortest route from Incheon to Jeju, and spent the hour-long journey staring out the window, her thoughts as turbulent as the clouds below.

Upon arrival, she took a taxi from the airport, the driver friendly and talkative, contrasting with her need for quiet reflection. The winding roads of Jeju, flanked by volcanic rock and lush greenery, did little to calm her mind, but the sight of the ocean in the distance began to soothe her.

The trek down to the shore from the small motel room she rented (which was less than ideal, but it would do) was tiring. She sighed in relief as she sank into the sand to rest with her sketchbook, gazing upon the ocean.

After a few minutes of rough sketching and admiring the view she had so missed, Chaeyoung's attention shifted to a woman in a wetsuit perusing the water's edge—presumably a diver of some sort.

She found herself watching the woman for a few short minutes before shifting back to the rough sketching of the lapping waves.

———————-----------------------

Dahyun was content. She had mustered enough money to buy herself a small beach house along the shores of Jeju to aid in her ongoing studies of the tides, which meant she was rarely ever in the city anymore.

Every evening, she found herself in the waters or along the shores, admiring the glisten of the waves as the rays of the sun reflected against the cool water. Dahyun was always at peace when she was doing what she loved. However this trip to the shore was a bit different.

After a grueling day of diving—(and borderline baking in the sun)—Dahyun was worn out. She sighed as she kneeled slightly to pack away her flippers and diving mask, unzipping the legs of her wetsuit to feel the sand against her feet before trudging up the slope of sand to head home.

Only then did she notice a woman nestled among a cluster of rocks, diligently scribbling in a notebook. Her steps faltered as she debated whether to approach her. After all, she could use the socialization after leaving her friends in the city. Humming softly to herself, she decided to walk toward the woman.

"Hi," Dahyun said awkwardly as she drew near, waving her unoccupied hand.

The woman startled, quickly hiding her sketchbook as if afraid of prying eyes.

Dahyun chuckled softly. "Sorry for the scare— just saw you up here and thought you might like some company..."

The woman's eyes scanned Dahyun before she shifted slightly, relaxing a bit. "I guess company wouldn't hurt."

—————----------------------

After a while of conversation, Dahyun had become well-acquainted with the woman and learned her name was Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung was an up-and-coming artist who had just opened a studio in the city and was feeling the pressure of producing new work.

Dahyun observed the gears turning in Chaeyoung's mind as she sketched, sighing and huffing with frustration.

"You know," Dahyun said, her tone tinged with concern, "I'm not an expert in body language, but you definitely look stressed."

"Maybe you should call it a day and head home. I can walk you," Dahyun offered.

Chaeyoung glanced up from her work, meeting Dahyun's gaze and letting out a small sigh as she closed her sketchbook. "Yeah, maybe you're right,"

She says as she stands to her feet, her knees wobbly from how long she had been sat, needing to grasp onto dahyuns arm for some support which in turn heats her cheeks up immensely. She composes herself before heading towards the exit ramp with dahyun close behind.

—————--------------------------

The walk was much more enjoyable than Dahyun had expected for escorting a stranger home. Perhaps it was because she hadn't had a proper social interaction in months, or maybe it was her naturally extroverted personality-but let's be honest, it was probably the first reason. Dahyun found herself laughing at Chaeyoung's comments and, to her surprise, making Chaeyoung laugh as well-a sound she was quickly growing fond of.

When they arrived at the small, dingy motel, Dahyun scrutinized the place as if assessing the risk of being mugged. Her thoughts were interrupted by Chaeyoung's frustrated grunts. "Goddammit," Chaeyoung muttered, struggling to fit the key into the lock.

Dahyun approached with a small frown. "Hey….. hey," she said, trying to draw Chaeyoungs attention away from her struggle. Chaeyoungs frustrated gaze meeting her own.

“If the lock isn’t working, you could come back to my place. It’s just a ten-minute walk from here,” Dahyun suggested, watching Chaeyoung’s reaction. She noticed the faint blush on Chaeyoung's cheeks, even in the fading light.

“Oh—yeah, sure,” Chaeyoung replied, her voice soft.

————-----------------

From that point on the pair were practically inseparable. They took morning walks to the beach, with Dahyun talking Chaeyoung’s ear off about sharks—especially tiger sharks, which she had come to learn were her favorite.

“They are just so cool, Chaeng!” Dahyun exclaimed, swinging her bag of diving gear as she walked beside the shorter woman. “They can literally turn their stomachs inside out!”

Chaeyoung sighed slightly, a small smile playing on her lips. “You’re such a nerd,” she said in mock annoyance, turning her head slightly to hide the growing blush on her cheeks—a reaction that had become quite common since she met Dahyun.

————----------------

The two spent countless nights together at Dahyun's beach house, waking up early in the morning to walk to Chaeyoung’s favorite café—something that had become a cherished routine for them—just to chat for an hour or two.

“My muse has always been the ocean,” Chaeyoung mused as she sipped her iced latte, gazing out the window at the few cars passing by on the remote road. “Ever since I was a kid, I’d always find my way back here.”

She turned back to Dahyun with a slight smile. “I’m glad I found my way back this time because now I have you.”

The soft words had Dahyun turning her head to hide her blush this time.

———-------------

Months passed with the pair living together. Chaeyoung had taken a break to return to the city to check on things—a hellish experience for Dahyun—but she soon came back to the beach house, as if it were where she truly belonged.

It wasn’t surprising to either of them when they shared their first kiss. They stood together on the balcony, Dahyun’s jacket wrapped around Chaeyoung to shield her from the chilly ocean breeze as they stared out at the water. It was a perfect first kiss for both of them.

——-

Their relationship blossomed almost comically fast, with them saying their ‘I love yous’ only a month after their first kiss. With anyone else, Dahyun would’ve found Chaeyoung’s romantic nature corny, but with Chaeyoung, it felt perfect—as if it were meant to be.

Dahyun was broken out of her thoughtful state by Chaeyoung’s soft voice coming from the nape of her neck, where the younger girl had buried her face.

“Dahyunnie?” Chaeyoung hummed softly, tilting her head up to get the older girl's attention.

“Yeah…?” Dahyun responded curiously, bringing a hand down to swipe the stray hairs from Chaeyoung’s face.

“I think you’re my muse now.”

Dahyun’s heart stuttered at the soft words. She closed her eyes and sighed in content. There were two things she was sure of in life, the ocean, and Chaeyoung. Her Chaengie.

-------------------------------------------------------

notes!!: I apologize if the formatting is clunky, this being my first fic im still trying to determing my style and what not.

I hope you enjoyed !!

[foxyanon]

Get To Know…Sihtric Kjartansson

*Magazine cover by me! This is a companion piece to the collab SMAU, The Lives of Friends by myself, @legitalicat, @thenameswinter99 (fic blog @thenameswinterfics) and @zaldritzosrose!*

Word Count: 1520

Dividers by @arcielee

Interviewer: I’m Jordan Penrose from Storm Coast Boxing Magazine. We are here today with none other than Sihtric Kjartansson, world champ and co-owner of Shield Wall Boxing Club. As everyone knows, Sihtric came from less than savory beginnings and is now a man at the top of his career. How are you doing today man?

Sihtric: I’m good, happy to be here Mr. Penrose. What about yourself?

I: I am fantastic. So let’s get right to it. What prompted you to pick up gloves and step into the ring?

S: I needed a constructive way to burn off all the energy I had as a kid. Like you said earlier, my beginnings weren’t all that great before I found fighting. I was into theft, breaking and entering, and even vandalism as a teen. My home life wasn’t great, Kjartan being the man he is and naturally I fell in with the wrong crowd. That all changed when I was about 14 or 15. I decided to try breaking into the sanctuary and as luck would have it, I met my now younger sister Alisanne. She introduced me to her parents, and that moment changed my life. I will say I am forever grateful to Rickon and Gilliane Stark, because they gave me the home and family I was lacking. Rickon, my dad, actually suggested I take up fighting as a way to help process the anger I felt as a teen, and we found out I’m pretty good at it so I just kept going with it and here I am now.

I: Pretty good is an understatement, you have a nearly undefeated career and you just won your latest title fight. The last person to have a record like that is your own father-in-law, Maegor Targaryen.

S: I still have some losses on that record, whereas he has, what, maybe one? Even at pushing 70, he could still kick my ass and not break a sweat.

I: True enough, I don’t think I would want to fight him. Speaking of family, did your family and friends support your choice to go pro?

S: Excluding Kjartan, actually yes. I got really lucky to have such a solid support system when I was starting out. Mom and Dad made time to come to my matches in high school and even still come to them now that Cregan has taken over at the sanctuary. I think my biggest supporter in the beginning of my career was Alisanne, she has always been in my corner from day one. Nowadays, I’ve got my lovely wife and her family supporting me as well.

I: Good personal foundations build strong and lasting careers. But not everything is perfect and walking down an easy street. So, what challenges have you faced?

S: After getting my life straightened out as a teen, I did struggle with school and balancing my life in all areas. I ended up going to therapy at moms insistence which helped me a lot. Even though I started on rock bottom with bad grades, I was able to turn that around with a lot of summer schooling and extra credit work. I may not have graduated top of the class, but I did get that diploma which had only been a pipe dream of mine before. Then of course there’s breaking into the professional sphere, which was tough. I had to do a lot of grinding and many fights to get seen by the right people before they would consider me for the big matches. Even though I was scouted by an agency out of high school, there was a mountain between me and the life I have now.

I: And boy have you climbed that mountain quickly. You were only a little man on the totem pole for about 2 years before getting your big break at only 20 years old. That’s impressive. Almost as much as you having had a consistent win over loss streak for nearly a decade. Which leads me to my next question, what was the most significant moment in your career?

S: Honestly, I owe my big break to Maegor and Pyrling. While neither of them fight anymore, they put in some good words for me with the right people and that put me in the position to take the next step up in my career. That all pales in comparison to meeting Rhaenerys, however. She, along with my siblings, really encouraged me to take the leap and open my own gym for other troubled kids like I was. I can easily say I would not be where I am now without them, but Rhaenerys has been my rock for the last four years and the fire that has kept me going.

I: What motivates you to keep boxing?

S: Several things actually. I did briefly consider retiring early, but my wife helped me find a new direction in the gym I now run with my long-time friend Finan. But outside her and my family, it would be the knowledge I am able to provide a positive influence in these lives of the kids and really anyone who walks into Shield Wall. We get people from all walks of life, including others looking to make a career out of fighting. Knowing that I can help them and provide a safe space for them has been the biggest motivator.

I: You keep mentioning her, and of course I have to ask. Tell me about the woman herself, Dr. Rhaenerys Targaryen. What is your relationship with her like and how did you two meet?

S: How much time do we have? We could be here a while talking about her, it’s one of my favorite pastimes. In all seriousness, she is amazing. I am truly lucky to have her in my life. We actually met at one of my fights, she came along with her dad to spectate since he had been following my career. I was smitten instantly, but it definitely took me quite some time to work up the nerve to ask her out. While I know now he isn’t that scary, Maegor terrified the shit out of me in the beginning. As I understand it, he was less than thrilled with me at first. Not because he didn’t like me but more so because Rhae is his little girl and he wanted more for her. I owe a lifetime of gratitude to my mother-in-law, Elvira, on that front. She vouched for me and the rest is history. We started dating when she was still in school, but we both knew pretty quickly that we would get married one day.

I: You two have been married a year? Little more than that? Which, by the way, was a beautiful day based on the pictures the public has seen. But now that you have settled down, what does your day-to-day look like?

S: A little over a year, yeah. As for my daily life, I work the gym most days during the week and occasionally on the weekends between fights. I don’t get into the ring as often as I used to now, really only sticking to the big ones though now that I’ve won my title, I may actually hang up my gloves and just focus on the gym. After all, I’m nearly 30 now and I’m looking forward to having more time home with Rhae and our pets. Our dog, Abraxsas actually just turned 10 earlier this year and of course we have Cupcake, that little black hellion we call a cat. Now that Rhae is settled at the museum, we have started talking about having a family of our own and I want to focus on that rather than training for my next big fight.

I: Sounds like you have a rather idyllic life going on. We will miss you in the ring but you are a testament that the products of your childhood don’t need to color your future. Last question, what would you say to others who have been in a similar situation?

S: Persistence and having solid support is key. If you want to change your life, you have to change your environment and your mindset. You can’t get anywhere you want in life if you aren’t willing to do the work. Sure, there’s an aspect of luck to get like me, but you have a far better chance of becoming lucky in success if you are surrounded by others who have that same drive as you. The crowd I used to run with? Most of those guys are either dead or in prison now because they stayed in that troublemaker mentality, never growing beyond what they could have. So yeah, changing your friend group to one who supports you and I mean really supports you, and persisting in the dream you want to chase would be my advice to anyone who has lived a life similar to mine.

I: And that is all the time we have for today, thank you for the chat Sihtric.

S: Thank you as well, Mr. Penrose.

[itsscromp]

Could I ask for Miles with a reader who admires his art and wants lessons :3

Miles morales x reader

This has to be the coolest miles idea I have ever received, Miles and Y/n would be the dream team !!. Word count:592

You were the newest student at Brooklyn Visions Academy, Enrolled for your passion in the arts. To say you were nervous was the biggest understatement of your life. It was like everyone ticked in they're natural subject of choice, Almost you practically didn't belong.

But when you entered your art class, Your eyes trained on the notepad of a young man, Wow this looked amazing. He had a free seat next to him so you took the opportunity.

"Wow that looks good" You said softly and shyly.

"Thanks, dude, Say... you're new here right ??" He asked curiously.

All you could do was nod and look at the desk shyly. Before he playfully nudged you with his arm.

"Hey, it's ok man. I was like that when I first came here, It was nuts. I struggled to find my first class of the day almost all the time." He chuckled.

"What's your name anyway ??" He asked.

"Y/n L/n"

"I'm Miles Morales." He stuck his hand out and you shook it in return.

The two growing closer every single day, Sharing their new projects every single time. You and Miles combined your amazing artistic skills to create the best artwork you both possibly could've imagined.

"Hey, y/n I got an idea !!" Miles said excitedly.

"What's up ??" You looked up from your notepad.

"The assignment that we gotta work on for our finals, I got the best one yet !!" He smiled and pulled out some spray paint cans. You knew that whatever this idea was, It was gonna be amazing.

The two then went to a location that Miles has scouted and got permission to spray paint on and gave some cans to you.

"OK, So I had this idea where we combined the sketch that we did last week and then visually enhance it."

"A very good idea, But then i thought we do this"

You then began to draw on the sketchbook and combined the two ideas, but then finally adding the final touch.

"How about this ??"

"This is absolutely perfect y/n, This should get us A's for sure, Come on lets get too work."

You nodded and then began the work, It was all coming together amazingly and perfectly, But the two never forgot to have some fun in between it. Like when you "Accidentally" Sprayed his jeans.

"Oh y/n, Those were my favourite jeans !!"

"What ?? My hand slipped" You smirked and went back to it.

Miles smirked back and then snuck up behind you and then painted the back of your shirt.

"What the hell miles ??" You scoffed playfully.

"Tit for a tat they call it" He smirked devilishly and ruffled your head.

And then after about 4.5 hours, It was finished, It was perfect. The way your ideas and creative flows just combined and shine brightly.

"This is amazing miles, I love it" You smiled so brightly.

You then set up your phone camera and activate a timer, Rushing back and wrapping an arm around miles, Both smiling so brightly at the proud work that you have done. You actually did end up getting A's on your report cards.

"Look at us, New York's next Picasso" You fist-pumped the air.

"I could say Banksy but yet again we revealed our identity so that's out of the bag" He chuckled.

"This was the best thing I've ever done miles, I'm really glad I complimented your art" You smiled, Incredibly grateful for the friendship you built with him.

"Me too y/n, Me too"

Taglist: @callofdudes @fun-k-board

[malikson]

hi, it’s been three days since i decided to take a break. to say i miss this place is an understatement, after all this is the community where i feel the safest and happiest. i’ve been thinking a lot, and maybe this isn’t the time to say everything i want to say, and god knows i can misspeak and say the wrong things, but i keep thinking and thinking and thinking and i have to let this out or else i’ll spiral.

it’s no secret i didn’t like liam’s actions in the past couple of months, with everything coming to a head when maya opened up about her troubled relationship with him. i was very angry and upset, and though i still believe the criticism was valid, i said things i shouldn’t have. i placed myself in a position of morality, of being better than others, because i criticized liam. in the process i ended up hurting people. these are things i will always regret. i’m so deeply sorry to those i hurt with my words. i wish i could take them back, but i can’t, so i will live with the consequences of them.

i want to make it 100% clear, i never, ever wished for things to end the way they did. i’ve always believed in accountability and working toward becoming a better person, and i will always believe it’s possible to do so. in my mind, i couldn’t support liam anymore, but i hoped he would seek help, heal and become the best version of himself. knowing that will never happen hurts beyond belief.

my biggest regret is being too antagonistic toward him. to not have given him more grace as he struggled with addiction. i know firsthand how addiction can destroy even the kindest, most wonderful people. i was blinded by so much anger that i couldn’t see beyond it. i’m by no means justifying his actions, and i still believe that holding him accountable was the right thing to do, because it came from a place of wanting him to become better, but now, maybe too late, i realize situations like these aren’t always black or white.

yesterday, i was scrolling through my liam tag. back then i used nicknames for each of the guys. louis was solecito, harry was lunita, zayn was principito, niall was amorcito, and liam, he was coranzoncito, little heart. i never got around to change it, so some of the posts i reblogged about liam were still tagged as corazoncito. seeing it made me break down again. a reminder of the love i once held for him. the one i forgot. he was my little heart.

navigating all of these complicated feelings of grief has been hard. i felt like i didn’t have any right to mourn him. hell, i’ve had anons telling me i was a horrible person for mourning an abuser, and at the same time a hypocrite for even daring to mourn him, seeing as i didn’t like him anymore. but fuck it, fuck it all, all these feelings i have are real. i won’t and can’t let anyone dictate how i feel, and i feel a profound sadness and pain over his death. i will mourn him. i will let myself feel all of it. the sadness, the pain, the anger, the confusion, all of it.

liam, you weren’t perfect, but none of us are. i want to remember you for everything you were, the good and the bad. i want to remember you not as liam payne™, but as liam, the human. the one that made mistakes but also brought so much joy. the one who hurt people but also brought comfort to people. the one who touched the hearts and souls of many people. i wish things had ended differently. i wish you had a chance to heal. i hope wherever you are you’ve found peace.

please take care of and be gentle toward each other, i love you guys.