#to myself not to fear death as much

[khaire-traveler]

Death is scary.

As a concept, it fills many hearts with anxiety, fear, and dread. It keeps people awake at night; it leaves an uneasy feeling in the stomach; it leaves many wondering if they've done all they can with their lives. It is a permanent change - the greatest unknown to all of humankind.

We fear things we don't understand by nature, however natural they may be. We fear major changes outside our control - so little in life is within our reach. We worry and panic and demonize and ignore. We focus so heavily on the bad aspects that we forget to look at the good.

The beautiful life that we've already lived, no matter how difficult; such things deserve celebration. The peace death can bring, transitioning from one chaotic world to one that is silent and calm. The knowledge that it's ok not to know what happens with certainty, it's ok that we don't know everything. Maybe it's not as bad as we think it is. Maybe it's kind and embracing. Maybe it welcomes us as an old friend, with compassion, hospitality, and gentleness.

Death is life's ultimate change, when we move from one form to something entirely new and unexperienced. That can be scary. Change can be scary. But just like in life, I choose to believe that not all change is bad change. There are many things we haven't experienced until we finally do; riding a rollercoaster, going to university, moving to a new place - all of these are changes, some scarier than others, that can result in beautiful experiences beyond what we could've possibly imagined. Whose to death won't be the same?

[cent-scratchnsniff]

lady binah

[certainlyathrill]

i’ll find you in every lifetime (threat)

[eternalergo]

.

[gingermintpepper]

I have finished the book. It was not a very good book at all. My preliminary thoughts are as follows:

Prose is the best part about it but also one of the worst. Evocative and lovely language was used for what I can only describe as manipulating the reader. In a different book by a different writer, perhaps that would be the mark of a good unreliable narrator but this is not that kind of book and the writer, I fear, is not clever enough for that kind of narrative.

The characters - I do not think of them. Trapped as we are in Alcestis' head, she is a passive, dull thing who I do not know any better at the end of the book than I did at the start. I couldn't distinguish where her voice ended and where the author's began and it is through that haziness that all other characters are observed. Admetus is an objectively phenomenal husband but his kindness and regard is made bitter because he loves Apollo not her. Apollo is no more than a ghost haunting them both. Hippothoe and Phylomache exist as images of what Alcestis could be - a woman who dies of illness or children - and Heracles is awkward and small, quiet and passive in the way everything is in this book. Persephone and Hades are perhaps the only characters of some interest in here, but Persephone is a volatile mess of power masquerading as empowerment while Hades, like all the men in this book really, is small and passive and really only becomes worth something when out of Persephone's massive shadow.

The romance - What romance? There is no romance in this book. Alcestis imagines that what occurs between Admetus and Apollo is a romance but we do not get to see that story. The obvious regard and kindness Admetus holds for Alcestis would be romance in any other book - but in this it is described with so much apathy and loathing so as to make Admetus' actions seem unremarkable and lacking. As for Persephone and Alcestis; Alcestis wants nothing to do with her until Persephone forces her. She assaults her, like Hades assaulted her, while speaking the words of that tale into Alcestis' flesh while Alcestis rejects her and somehow this becomes the catalyst of their 'love'. There is no romance in this book.

The queer themes - I am not sure how one makes a story so easily given to a queer imagining biphobic, lesbophobic and not poly but it sure did that. Alcestis' ideas about love and sexuality and how it might possibly have different forms and fashions is unchanged from start to finish and homosexuality, for all that it is what she blames her ruined marriage on, is never explored past a few fleeting, derogatory descriptions and quickly brushed over allusions.

The Apollo Thing - Listen to me so carefully. Apollo is only in a single scene of this book. One single scene and it is the wedding scene where Admetus calls upon him to save them from the poisonouse snakes. Every other mention of him in this book is in passing, an offhanded mention of a person praying to a god, or with the underlying scorn and anger of a wife thinking of her husband's mistress. Apollo is not even there when Alcestis dies. He wasn't even responsible for Heracles eventually going down to the Underworld to retrieve her. If the author could've erased him from the wedding scene too, I'm sure she would've invented a way to do it. Apollo has no relationship with Alcestis, we do not get to see the nature of his relationship with Admetus and every other opportunity which existed to show him on their side was neatly and entirely erased. Thanatos, naturally, is completely absent from this novel.

In short, this was entirely unpleasant from essentially start to finish. I was very excited when I started this book and saw the quality of the prose and also the ambivalent character sketched of its gods but things went so rapidly and extremely downhill that I am left wondering how it was possibly flubbed that badly.

Regarding this book's feminism, I will dedicate a separate post to that entirely. To this book's credit, it did not have the superficial girlboss feminism that many of its contemporaries tend to champion but to its complete and utter detriment, the feminism it champions is perhaps the most insidious kind. The sort that excludes the disenfranchised, the impoverished and the normal woman. This book's feminism is for the privileged and the powerful and it is a deeply upsetting thing.

Lastly, I would like to thank @superkooku , @konu-d and @waterlinkedgirl for cheering me on through this absolute torment. I would not have finished this without them. Take that as you will.

If you are interested in the tale of Admetus and Alcestis or just want to read a retelling, I urge you to just read @reawakened-revenant (CiCiRose on ao3)'s God of the Golden Bow series. It is captivating, enthralling, impeccably researched and so utterly submersed in passion, love and care that it is breathtaking to read. It is a personal favourite of mine and the standard to which I hold all other Admetus and Alcestis retellings.

With all that done, I am going to stare at a wall and contemplate the horrors now. ✌🏾

[javierduffy]

ohh javieran … javieran post kieran’s death .., javier is a poor lonesome cowboy in america a long way from home with no more sweetheart to sit and talk with him ooohhh can anyone hear me ….

[bidonica]

Hey! I see you're into fragile/higgs ship and caught myself quite like them too recently (tho i've been in DS fandom already for a year and mostly thought about them as a friends)

Just wondering why do you like them? Do you have any headcanons/interesting thoughts? I'm very curious 👀

Hi! First of all apologies for the wall of text you're about to get, but unfortunately you came knocking at my door after I spent nearly two months ruminating about this ship basically by myself sooo I'm dumping it all here

Well the short (lol) version is that in my first playthrough I mostly just absorbed the characters and storyline, but by the time I got to their final scene on the Beach I was like wait a minute... their whole shared storyline feels way too loaded for them to simply have been business associates, that shit is personal, even Higgs wanting to damage Fragile feels way too pointed to just be justified by "he was a turncloak with a secret agenda." Now, I'm not against a "they were simply close friends" interpretation, it works just as well to explain the emotional weight of their falling out, BUT I also cannot ignore the zest, the flavor, the spice of them actually having been involved romantically at some point. And honestly going into my second playthrough with the shipping goggles on I can't help thinking that Fragile speaks about Higgs like he was an ex that hurt her, and the way that she is suspiciously cagey about the specifics of their relationship makes my ears shoot up like a German shepherd.

On a Doylist level I also find it interesting that Kojima gave Higgs extra backstory that connects him to Fragile in the Director's Cut, and also how the behind the scenes for the DS2 mocap show Troy and Léa sharing a scene... I think Kojima is not done intertwining their story and we'll get more info in the sequel.

Now for the headcanons... I have enough that I might or might not be writing a long-ish fic about it, but I want to finish this Director's Cut playthrough before completing it (I could just look stuff up on the wiki but that's not fun). Also I have some art in the pipeline about it that I hope to post within the week. Anyway, the bite sized version of how I envision their relationship:

I hc Higgs as being immediately attracted to Fragile but not really acting on it, while she develops her attraction after getting to know him a little. Then she's down bad but she doesn't even realize it until it's so obvious it hits her in the face

A few people at their joint Fragile Express/whatever Higgs' operation was called co-op assume they are an item long before anything ever happens, because they just hang out together a lot. They have a similar penchant for corny jokes and puns and enjoy some light banter; Fragile finds Higgs' flair for theatrics endearing, while he is drawn to how gentle she is because he has known so little softness in his life (also he thinks she's insanely pretty, which duh. It's self evident because Léa Seydoux) (it's his first serious girl crush anyway; I hc him as bi and as having had mostly experiences with men before her)

They bond over their DOOMS condition and Higgs is fascinated by Fragile's powers, while she is less enthused by all the collateral effects. In my hc, at this point she has yet to become as skilled at traveling through dimensions as she is in the game, which makes her reluctant to agree to Higgs' requests to show him the Beach. This sows the seeds of his resentment towards her, because he feels she has a privilege she doesn't make use of and doesn't want to share.

They are both pretty touchy feely (canon!) so when their relationship goes from friendly to romantic it gets physical immediately and enthusiastically. Yes even accounting for the worldwide lowered sex drive. If there's one thing I never do is put characters in horny jail 🫡

 I think Fragile got to know a version of Higgs that was quite different from what we see in the game, which you sort of can gauge from the more optimistic pages of his diary. Like there's a part of him who's starved for love and connection and a sense of belonging and gravitates towards people like Coffin (he never had a mother) and Fragile herself; ironically, the pull towards Amelie answers to the same need but in reality it feeds on his more nihilistic, call-of-the-void side. I'm not saying that Amelie brainwashed him or anything, but I think she saw what was already there – a  deep seated resentment towards a hostile world and towards those he feels got handed a luckier deal than he did, that he countered by clinging to the notion of being special because of his DOOMS, but then there's someone like Fragile who's even more special and doesn't seem to be doing much with it. Amelie gave him a chance to fulfill what he felt was his potential and shared her power with him, but the tradeoff was severing  the connections he had, "killing" the part of him that wanted to be loved to make space for what he perceived as a higher form of love ("I found someone who completes me" which he says to Fragile specifically like he wants to rub it in her face? Like she wasn’t  enough to fulfill that role?)

That’s why I think it’s significant that he lost his hands with his power-up, because the (holding, welcoming) hands are strongly associated with Fragile; and to me it makes sense if he purposely ruins her body also because it’s a way to stifle his attraction to her. There’s also a lot of projection because HE is the one who’s felt like damaged goods all along, who grew up being  crushed psychologically and physically. I also think that both of them coming close to annihilating the other but choosing not to – leaving them in a dicey situation but not entirely without escape – shows in some twisted way that their bond still exists, which makes me giggle and rub my hands like a nasty little goblin knowing we have another game coming.

So… That’s the gist of it. Sorry for rambling on but as I said, I don’t really get the chance to talk about this ship much – greetings from rarepair hell, etc.

[hyaesia]

i did nooot realize how much of an impact persona had on me ... it's been such a weird 5 years for me i forget i was 16/17 when i played these games for the first time

[king-lena]

bruh i was so sad about watermour aka my favorite stupid bitches (affectionate) that i literally cried myself to sleep (i truly wish i was joking but i’m actually insane and everything makes me cry)

so when i woke up i went to r/pinkfloydcirclejerk bc that shit always makes me laugh (it looks like stone finally got the password to the website) so i started to feel better and i came back to tumblr rejuvenated

and then i saw that destiel meme about louis going to zayn’s concert???? let’s goooo zouis nation!!!!! so at least my two other favorite british ex bandmates have reunited again i’m so happy to see them together 🥲

+1000 points for zouis and -1000 points for watermour

[moe-broey]

My therapist hasn't killed me yet 👍

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

So. Attack on Titan ended

YES AND I CANT TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE I DID NOT REREAD OR REWATCH OR VIEW THE FINALE AT ALL DURING THE WHOLE MONTH I SAID I WOULD

also this is the best possible way you could have formatted that message

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

Can't sleep brain too full of death

[seventh-district]

.

[maxiwaxipads]

Manufactured SEEDs

Basically, the concept is that SEEDs once served as a “positive” force meant to permanently remove or separate negative emotions that were deemed unnecessary.

(I wish I could elaborate but I don’t really know how) (I wanted the idea that “SEEDs” have always existed or something unique to Fragaria Memories without being inspired to anything if that makes sense?)

Assuming that SEEDs existed during the time of Legendary Red, what if “Legendary Red” made the SEEDs but backfired and twisted the story that they saved the world of Fragaria from the SEEDs.

Maybe the SEEDs couldn’t be completely destroyed for whatever arbitrary reason, and the Strawberry King took responsibility to guard the last remnant of existing SEEDs left from this world of Fragaria?

Eldritt’s purpose is to keep the origin of SEEDs and the truth of Legendary Red a secret. 

<- But at the same time, what good is keeping the truth hidden(?)) “To keep the world idyllic”(?) (How would revealing the truth about Legendary Red and the SEEDs affect the world? 

(Maybe we can connect this to time loop theory(?)) (Do you think Halritt wants to keep the world happy by all means necessary) (and time loop is his only answer)

Do you think their existence evolved during their entrapment by the Strawberry King? They’re indiscriminately trying to feed from negative emotions because of this insatiable hunger they had for who knows how long?

How did they escape? Why did the Strawberry King disappear?

Lovers to the same lies— Protectors to sanctity, memories to sanity Red-splattered puddles dye into black I, the shadow to which you belong … strangers to the flesh. Fumbled darkness, the pitch-black mold. A stiff neck … Unable to turn. (Clocks unfortunately twist … A head rolls down.)

Edlritt - “What only needs to be known is that…” Eldritt - “We both want the SEEDs eliminated.” “So, Merold, as long as the motivation exists—we will both be quiet.” Eldritt - “Is this clear enough for you?"

[ace-does-stuff]

i both regret and am thankful for the fact i know how to post stuff anonymously

[mildcicada]