#then I learned that coming home and being alone with one’s thoughts makes one 10x more aware of one’s own body

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

So. Attack on Titan ended

YES AND I CANT TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE I DID NOT REREAD OR REWATCH OR VIEW THE FINALE AT ALL DURING THE WHOLE MONTH I SAID I WOULD

also this is the best possible way you could have formatted that message

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x9 thoughts

It’s no secret that I absolutely adore Coach Beard; he’s one of my favorite characters on the show, and he’s so well-written and well-acted that somehow I tend to be both perfectly satisfied with the details we see and truly curious to understand more about the way he thinks, what’s really happening re: his professional and personal devotion to Ted, where he comes from and where he’s going. I don’t need to know his name beyond the name he wants to be called, but I want to know why we don’t have any other names for him. And I don’t need him to be a bigger focal point of every episode, but I very much needed this episode’s world-exploding reminder that every single character on this show has a rich inner life, full of joys and troubles.

“Beard After Hours” is like a movie, but one that scatters its climaxes and puts off its resolutions...because it’s not a movie. It’s episode nine of a twelve-episode season of TV. When the episode ended, I felt this almost frantic “But he needed to break up with Jane for good before the end of the episode!” feeling. I was so pulled in by the idea of being able to tell an entire story in one night, of going on an odyssey alongside a complicated hero, that watching Beard and Jane find each other in that club felt as intense as the fact that we don’t know if Ted responded to Rebecca’s voicemail and we don’t know what’s going to happen with Rebecca and Sam and we don’t know who isn’t getting married and who is having a funeral in 2x10 (I mean, I have my strong suspicions, but still!) and we don’t know if Richmond will be promoted back to the Premier League. And on and on. I didn’t mind feeling desperate for the story to resolve even though I understood after thinking about it for ten seconds that of course it couldn’t resolve yet. Or ever. Or yet.

I’m a big fan of the TL episode recaps/reviews Linda Holmes writes for NPR, and I have to quote something from this week’s directly because it so perfectly explains my feelings:

The power of the scene where Beard dances in the club isn't that it's a beautiful romantic climax. It's that it's an explanation of why he cannot seem to extricate himself from this bad relationship. What makes the worst relationships so dangerous is that they have elements that feel good that are very hard to get elsewhere. Beard knows that; he tells it to God. What's concerning isn't that Jane makes the world seem more interesting; what's concerning is she's the only thing that does. That doesn't take away from the joy of the dancing; it just tells you that even happiness is complicated.

I love Holmes’ perspective here so much, because it articulates something I was struggling to figure out: how it can feel so legitimate, like such a (temporary but nonetheless powerful) relief, for Beard to find Jane in that club and to have this moment of euphoria as his night nears an end. How it is possible to experience that relief on behalf of a character while fervently wishing it could end differently, because it’s so clear from the abusive text messages and the toxic calls and the manipulative interactions that Jane is terrible to him and they’re terrible for each other. But Beard knows this. He knows it when he hugs Higgins in the parking lot after Higgins is honest with him in a way Ted and Rebecca and Keeley have not learned how to be, and he knows it when part of his prayer includes the clear articulation that Jane isn’t the cure for what “ails me.” He’s inching closer to greater self-knowledge just as Ted is.

And the two big resolutions that really, really needed to happen did. I didn’t know I needed Paul, Baz, and Jeremy to get to wrap up their own night out on the pitch at Nelson Road, but I did. It brought actual tears to my eyes. And the other resolution was Beard showing up with the other coaches’ coffees for their meeting to watch the game film. As interesting as it would have been to see what Ted would have done if Beard hadn’t shown up, I’m so, so glad that he did. He’s got a messed-up face and some truly epic pants on, but otherwise this is just Beard showing up for work, showing up for his friends. It was incredible to realize that Beard and Ted haven’t been exaggerating when they’ve referred to his sex-and-drug proclivities in the past. The night documented in 2x9 might have been particularly scary and violent and euphoric and awful and meaningful, but this type of all-night adventure isn’t a foreign concept for this guy. In all the other episodes of this show, when we see Beard we’re seeing someone who might have been out all night, who might have spent the hours the sun was down desperately pushing himself closer to whatever edges he could find.

I don’t really want to touch upon all the allusions in this episode. They are abundant, they are well-documented, and also I haven’t even seen the movie After Hours. I enjoyed this episode for its allusive qualities and I enjoyed this episode for what it was and I feel like I have to be at peace with the fact that I’m never going to pick up on every single reference on this show and that is okay.

So, yeah, if this entry on my tumblr dot com blog seems remarkably devoid of references and allusions, it’s not because I’m not into it but because I find it too overwhelming to actually write about.

Very into the Misplaced and Discovered box at the Crown and Anchor. (That’s what Mae wrote on the Lost and Found box at the pub, right? Whatever it is, it’s so funny.)

Beard hallucinating Thierry Henry and Gary Lineker was truly upsetting and a great indicator not only of how broken things are between the Richmond coaching staff right now but also how deep Beard’s self-loathing might go. If you’d asked me before Thursday if I thought Beard loathed himself, I would say no. That deepening of knowledge alone makes 2x9 worth it.

James Tartt and his friends in the alley. Such a nightmare. I go back and forth on how much of the night was real, and part of me has decided all of it is, short of the images of Henry and Lineker. (And even that is real to the extent that it was a way of articulating what was in Beard’s head.) But watching Beard in physical danger brought on by the same abuser who had him so upset in the first place. It was a lot.

I’m so excited that Paul and Jeremy and Baz got some spotlight this episode. It was so wonderful to see them out of the pub. I love that they ended up telling the Oxford snots who they really were. They got to see Beard going to bat for them and smoothing over the situation socially, and that actually made it more possible for them to end up being truthful about themselves. Because they have nothing to be ashamed of, and they deserved the magic of that night. (And for it to end on Nelson Road. Every feeling. Oof.)

I feel like I barely have anything to say about the trouser-mending lady or the many places Beard goes or his key-dropping or the nightmarish feeling of wanting to be home and being unable to be home. It all happened and we all watched it and again, it was a lot. But I do feel incredibly moved and fascinated by the fact that Beard very obviously still hasn’t been home when he brings in the coffee. He’s had to sleep at the club for Jane- and key-related reasons in the past, and this time it’s not that he’s slept there but it still feels like a kind of homecoming he was robbed of for the entire night. Ted and Roy and Nate are there. He’s gotten their coffee orders correct. Ted is growing and evolving (he wants to learn from what’s happened, he’s insisting upon it even when the others resist) but he’s done a really perfect (almost romantic in its loveliness) thing by presumably spending his evening following a breakdown of his own speeding up the game film to 10x speed and adding Benny Hill. Ted is not OK and Beard is not OK and Nate is not OK and Roy is pretty OK but could very easily be not OK because he’s just joined a coaching staff with a whole lot of not OK. But they all showed up.

I am very into the realism of the lights being off in the club other than the coaches’ office (@talldecafcappuccino pointed this out!), and the way we’re seeing their desks from a different angle because this episode is unfocused on Ted. It really added to the mindset of being hungover and exhausted and unable to go home or even to know exactly what home should be; even this warm, familiar place feels off even as it’s a relief to be back there.

I am excited to return to our regularly scheduled programming with the full cast of characters, but I really adored this episode for what it taught us about Beard and what it illuminated about the humor, pain, and complexity of each person who inhabits this universe. Beard may not be loud about his long-standing beliefs or about the things he’s learned, but there’s a lot happening in there and I appreciated getting to spend 43 minutes with him and (in the case of the ticket he scrawls on a piece of paper so the pub guys can get into Nelson Road) the moments he sets in motion.

[adhdeancas]

For @theangelwiththewormstache, I kind of went all out and searched through your blog to see what you like and headcanon, sent a few sneaky asks to find out more, and wrote in all the things I wanted for everyone’s happy ending. it got... unbelievably long.

Merry Christmas and enjoy :) 

Love, Cas over at @let-me-live-in-peace and @samwinchestersleftshoe

PS: thanks to @destielsecretsanta2020 for organizing this!

Click.

Dean sighed and nodded, pulling the phone away from his ear so he could stare at it expectantly. Right about…

It rang. 

“Cas,” Dean said languidly, like an asshole who didn’t know why his boyfriend was calling him back.

“Sorry. I forgot again.” 

“I know.” Dean couldn’t keep the smile out of his voice if he tried. And he tried.

“I love you.” 

“I know.” 

“Dean.” A hint of well-earned annoyance. 

“I love you too, Cas.” 

“Bye.” And another click. Dean grinned and pocketed his phone. The dumbass was still too impatient to wait for an answering goodbye. Guess they’d never be the couple to argue about who should hang up first. Then again, Dean kinda liked it this way. It was just a few more seconds of teasing and a special call to say I love you, that was kind of nice, right? Jesus he was a sap.

“Earth to Dean? Wanna stop daydreaming about your boyfriend for a sec and get back on task?” Claire was standing there waving a hand in his face, bitchface firmly planted. Dean gave her one back.

“Don’t be homophobic.” 

She rolled her eyes. “I’m gay.” 

“Yeah.” Dean kept walking, looking around at the rows on rows of Christmas trees. He stole a glance back at her. “Where is Kaia anyway?”                                                                                                                                                                                                    

Claire blushed and crossed her arms over her chest. She would never tell him, but Kaia had hung back to give her some alone time with Dean. “She wanted to hang out with Jack. Guess she didn’t want to stare at your ugly mug all day.” A grin then, as Dean laughed at her joke.

“Fine, fine, guess you’re stuck with me.” 

They roamed around a bit, both insisting on cutting down their tree themselves, Claire winning the fight to get to carry the ax. (Yes, Sam had suggested they bring a chainsaw. They had both refused because they needed to “earn the Christmas tree.”)

“Cas wanted a fraser fir.” Dean remembered, pointing to the section marked for them. 

He felt, rather than saw, Claire roll her eyes, which, that’s exactly what Dean had done when Cas first told him. “Dork. Do you always do what your boyfriend tells you?” 

Dean shrugged. “Pretty much. You?”

“Yeah.” They shared a soft smile before going back to their regular shit-talking. It was just The Dynamic. They searched a little bit more before they found one, the perfect tree that was big enough to make them both giggle over what Sam’s reaction would be when they brought it home.

It… takes longer to cut down a tree than you would think. Than either of them thought. Especially when you bring an ax and especially when you choose an obnoxiously large tree. They took a break about halfway through, sitting down in the snow and passing the thermos of hot chocolate Jack made them take back and forth (Claire spiked it with Bailey’s, which Dean chose not to comment on but was grateful for).

“Hey Claire… is it weird? Seeing me and Cas,” 

Claire looked at him warily, seeming to consider what possible ulterior motives he had. Then, figuring she was the one with the ax, she answered. “A little. But I never saw my dad this old. Or this gay.” She gave him a grin and Dean flipped her off, taking the ax out of her hands to get back to the tree. “It’s good.”

Dean paused. “What is?” 

“You and him. You’re good for each other, you can tell. Don’t overthink it.”

Dean’s lips curled up. “Sounds like something Cas would say.” 

“Yeah, well, sometimes the dork is right. Don’t be an idiot.” She shook her head at him. “Jody had to remind me all the time at first.” 

“What?”

“That I… y’know. Deserve it. Her. To be happy.” She put the last bit in quotes, saying it sarcastically, but Dean could see the truth of it in her eyes.

“Yeah, well, Jody’s smart like that.” He took another swing at the ax and tried to believe it for himself. It got easier every day.

------

Cas was left at home with Kaia and Jack while Dean and Claire got the tree and Sam and Eileen got food supplies. (Dean had protested, but Sam had -correctly- said that if given free rein, he wouldn’t get any vegetarian options and would get 10x more junk than they needed.) Jody, Donna, Alex, Bobby, Charlie, and the rest wouldn’t be here until the next afternoon. Christmas afternoon.

“So what should we do first?” He was a little bit nervous, being once again put in charge of the kids. 

“Paper snowflakes?” Jack suggested, his excitement all too obvious from the smile on his face. Kaia glanced at him, amused by his obvious enthusiasm. Claire had braided his hair before she left while Kaia painted his nails (black, because they don’t own any other color of nail polish). It was clear they were pretty bonded.

“Sounds good to me.”

Kaia had to teach both of them how to make paper snowflakes. Cas tried to make perfectly symmetrical snowflakes; Jack kept cutting his in half on accident which made a bunch of smaller snowflakes. Hey, it worked.

“So… what’s the deal with you and Dean?”

“Deal?” Cas flushed a little. Everytime someone asked it thrilled him all over again. He was dating Dean. Dean. Was his. Had told him so, straight to his face. And he got to kiss Dean whenever, and sleep with him, and make him make noises only he got to hear, and listen to all his worries and weird fears and recaps on the latest episodes of Dr. Sexy.

“Cas?” Jack was knocking on the table lightly. Kaia had two raised eyebrows and a little smile. 

“That good, huh?” She could relate. Everytime she thought about Claire she felt all warm inside, and going home to her at the end of the day was like a dream, especially after being apart for so long. 

Cas looked down, called out. “That good.” he agreed.

“How disgusting are they, Jack, on a scale of cute to rip your own face off cute?” Kaia leaned over the table now, shit-eating grin plastered firmly on her face. Jack looked delighted to be in on the joke, which made Cas happy in spite of himself. Jack really needed this time with kids his own age. (Well, kind of. He was technically three.)

“Well, they do cook together…” 

“Do they do that thing where one of them comes up from behind and puts their head on the other’s shoulder?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Dean or Cas?”

“Cas watches. He can’t cook.”

“Hey!” It was true. Cas was just arguing for the principle of it.

“But the movie nights are the cutest. One of them always falls asleep on top of the other one.”

“Probably at like 10 o’clock. You guys are so old.” Kaia teased, shifting her attention back to Cas. 

Cas shook his head and pointed his finger at the two of them. “I never should have had children.” Kaia stuck her tongue out and Jack followed suit. Proving his point. Kids.

---------

“Hey, you dorks just gonna let us do all the work, huh?” Dean shouted from the garage.

“Yeah motherfuckers, get in here!” 

Cas let out a half-hearted “Language!” before following Kaia and Jack through the halls. Claire pulled Jack into a side hug first before tugging Kaia in for a kiss. Dean would’ve followed suit, except Claire had actually left him to carry the whole fucking tree himself, which Dean, like an idiot, had actually attempted. Cas hurried over to help him, which earned him a glare lined with gratefulness. 

“Oh yeah, have a happy little reunion over there, don’t mind me or this giant tree!” Dean griped at the kids. “Let the old men handle it!”

“Hey, you said it first.” Claire raised an eyebrow at Dean and pulled Kaia and Jack off into the bunker, probably to go find Miracle. Dean sighed heavily, muttering under his breath.

“You brought that on yourself.” Cas informed him, grunting under the effort of holding up half the tree. 

“Thank you, babe. Very helpful.” Dean rolled his eyes. Cas pretended he didn’t feel a jolt of happiness at the most sarcastic ‘babe’ he’d ever heard.

-----

They managed to haul the giant-ass tree into the library and set it up, barely. It did almost crush Cas, but Dean tugged it upright at the last moment, prompting a joke about Cas dying again. (“Hey, you’re not allowed to make those anymore, you’re human now, dick.”) And a kiss that all the kids whooped and hollered at.

Then Cas showed Dean and Claire around the decorations they’d made while they were out. The greatest hits included paper snowflakes, ornaments, and a Christmas tree on the wall made out of old license plates. Dean clapped Jack on the shoulder to congratulate him on his crafts while Kaia held Claire’s hand and pretended not to be affected by the praise sent her way. 

By the time Sam and Eileen got back, they’d decorated the tree, all the chairs in the bunker, and the stair-rail with lights and tinsel. Sam let out a whistle when he came back in, which brought Miracle, Jack, and Cas to greet them. (Claire and Kaia were busy telling Dean all about their local gay bar. Which, considering they lived in South Dakota, was quite the story.) 

Dean’s eyes lit up as soon as he saw his brother and Eileen come in the kitchen with their bags. “Okay Dean, before you ask, we went with apple, pecan, pumpkin, and cherry.” Sam looked at Dean warily, who stared back at him over the girls’ heads with narrowed eyes, deciding whether or not to fight. The amount of pie ingredients he’d put on the list had been truly outrageous.

“Would like to remind you that the kids are making cookies and cheesecake too.” Eileen reminded him. Dean continued to look around suspiciously until Cas sat down on his lap.

That’s great, Eileen. Cas signed to her. He will be fine.

Eileen rolled her eyes. Whiner. Sam let out a snort and Cas grinned at her. Dean glared. 

“What’re you saying?” 

“Learn to sign better and you’d know.” Sam smirked.

“I’m working on it!” Dean protested and wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist, tugging him in possessively. He was going to try to sign something else but settled for a middle finger pointed straight at his brother. Hey, it was sign language.

Cas leaned back and kissed him on the cheek for his efforts. His memory landed on one particularly frustrating night for Dean when they’d been practicing his ASL (Cas knew every language of course) and Dean just couldn’t remember the most basic of things. Lamp, field, tree. The more frustrated he got, the more words started to leave him. He’d started swearing under his breath and stomped out to the porch to cool off, followed by Cas a few minutes later. Cas still remembered the drained look in his eyes as he looked at Cas. 

“I feel like such a fucking dumbass, Cas. I know it’s not that hard, it shouldn’t be that hard, Sam makes it seem so easy…”

“Dean, you are learning. It’s okay if it takes you a little time. Sam has experience with ASL, doesn’t he?”

Dean had sighed and conceded this. “Yeah, he took some in college I think. I just… I never took any language, you know? Didn’t seem as important as woodshop or sex ed.” He grinned half-heartedly at his own joke.

Cas smiled back and pointed at him, signing o and k. You’re okay.

He repeated the signs, nodding. I’m okay.

I love you.

I love you too.

-----

After the pies were made and chicken noodle soup in the crock pot, Cas and Dean relinquished the kitchen to the kids and retired to the Dean cave. Sam and Eileen were cooped up in their room until they were allowed back into the living quarters by the kids. They didn’t want their creations critiqued or tasted before they were ready.

Cas waited patiently while Dean typed away on his phone, eyes narrowed to see the text. He refused to get reading glasses or enlarge the print on his phone, even though he sorely needed it. Cas kept his complaining about it to a minimum though because he liked the wrinkles around Dean’s eyes when he squinted. It reminded him that he got to grow old with Dean.

Dean looked up finally to see the fond look on his lover’s face and blushed, guilty. “Sorry, just checking with Kara.”

Cas nodded understandingly. As always. “The bar will survive without us for a few days.”

“I know.” Dean looked down, a little pleased he could admit it. “I just miss it.” Wow, to have a life he could miss, and to miss it from a peaceful holiday vacation surrounded by his family. It was… surreal. 

“What do you want to watch?” 

Dean sank back into the cushions, thinking. “Die Hard?” 

Cas smiled at him. “Is that what you want to watch?” 

Dean rolled his eyes and flipped around so he could lay his head in Cas’s lap. “No.” He admitted it grudgingly. Cas could read him like a book. It was inconvenient sometimes and other times, like now, it was nice. “Just seems like the thing to watch. Y’know, Christmas Eve.” 

Cas shrugged. He put a hand in Dean’s hair, just like he liked it. Dean closed his eyes almost at his touch; he’d gotten much more comfortable letting his guard down like that lately. It had taken a while though, months of Dean staying rigid in his arms before he could relax quicker. “There are other things to watch.”

Dean reached a hand up and cupped Cas’s jaw with his hand. “Whaddyou wanna watch, sweetheart?” 

Cas couldn’t help but turn his head to kiss Dean’s hand. Dean only called him sweetheart when he was feeling particularly tender, usually a few whiskeys in. This time he happened to be both. Cas loved it. “What about a double feature?”

“Hm,” Dean scrubbed his hand along Cas’s stubble and thought. Cas’s stubble was one his favorite physical things about him; sometimes Cas accused him of petting him like a cat. “What ones?” 

“First… It’s a Wonderful Life.” 

Dean cracked a grin and opened his eyes. “Clarence?” 

Cas blushed. “I miss her sometimes.” 

“Should I be worried?” 

Cas tilted his head, pretending to consider it. “Considering she’s a demon? Probably.” Meg was banished to hell with the rest of the demons that had gotten out of the Empty, but given their old friendship with the Queen of Hell, that didn’t mean much for them.

“Psh, demon-shmemon. Been there, done that.” Dean pulled Cas down into a kiss, making him bend over into an awkward position that made Cas giggle. “Being a human is much sexier.” 

“I agree.” 

Dean waggled his eyebrows at him suggestively. “Wanna make it a triple feature? Little hanky panky for intermission?” Cas rolled his eyes, which Dean interpreted as a solid yes. “What is our second movie, anyway?” 

“Huh.” Cas booped Dean on the nose. “Love Actually.”

A slow, dopey smile spread over Dean’s face. “Okay.” He paused, thinking about it. He’d pushed Cas into watching it years ago, when they were still just friends, by ‘accidentally’ adding it to his Netflix Queue and then letting Cas loose for movie night. He’d watched Cas for his reactions the whole time (and only gotten distracted by looking At Cas a few times). It had been a couple months ago when he told Cas about that. “Second favorite thing about being queer is being able to watch sappy shit like that.” 

Cas rolled his eyes. “You were able to before, Dean.”

Dean ignored him. “Ask me what my favorite thing is,” 

“What’s your favorite thing?”

“This.” He burrowed into Cas’s lap. A sap and a flirt.

“I thought you were gonna say Taylor Swift.” A dry witted old queen.

Dean snorted into his stomach. “That’s my third favorite.”

----

“Alright, gang, what do we say? Same place tomorrow morning, let’s say… 5?” He spun around to look at everyone, a wide smile on his face. Everyone seemed less enthused than him, although Sam seemed to think his situation was amusing.

“Dude, I’m not twelve, I’m not waking up at 5 am to open a few presents.” 

“Like hell you aren’t!” Dean was smiling but it was less of a happy smile and more of a disbelieving one. Cas squeezed his arm then, stopped him from continuing his argument. Dean glanced at him and he just stared and gave him another squeeze. 

Dean knew what that look meant. It meant ‘Dean, you’re overreacting again, calm down and think about it’ and also ‘stop being such an asshole’ and probably also ‘wow you’re eyes are really pretty’ knowing Cas.

He took a deep breath and pecked Cas on the lips. “Alright, princess, what time are you willing to drag your lazy ass out of bed?”

Claire smirked and sent a look at Kaia before leveling back at Dean. “Eleven.”

“Eight.”

“Ten. Final offer.”

Dean considered a moment then extended a hand. And shook. “You have yourself a deal.”

----

After they went to bed, they talked about it. These days, they always talked about it. It was one of the things Cas had brought home from his shrink appointments, and, as much as Dean hated to admit it, it worked. Helped.

Cas changed into pajamas and stretched, sending a look back at Dean. Dean rolled his eyes and started before Cas could prod him to. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

Cas raised an eyebrow at him. “You hate the morning.” 

Dean pursed his lips and shook his head, then pulled down his pants, because you should never have a conversation with your boyfriend with pants when you could have one without pants. These things he was learning. “Yeah, I do, it’s just… it’s Christmas.”

“Yes, it is. Isn’t it supposed to be a day of relaxation and fun?”

“Yeah, but it’s supposed to be exciting! Kids jumping on their parents bed at the asscrack of dawn to go to the tree, that kinda shit!” He shrugged, getting stupid worked up over it, he knew. He knew. Cas pulled him in by the hand and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Come on, tell me how I’m being an asshole.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “What part of ‘you do everything for love’ do you not understand?” 

“How is me freaking out over Christmas morning ‘for love’?”

Cas didn’t flinch away from the self-deprecation. “You want them to have the Christmas you never got.”

Dean sank his head onto Cas’s shoulder, thinking about it. He was right, of course he was, he’s always right. Cas can read him like a book, even when Dean himself didn’t know what he was doing. “I guess so, yeah.”

“That’s admirable. But the Christmas they deserve, same as you did, is the one they want. Which might not be the one you wanted.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right.” he sighed heavily. More than he wanted his kids to have a motherfucking Christmas-card Christmas, he just didn’t want to be the ruin of it. Didn’t want to be John. “Sorry you have to shrink my head all the time.” Dean muttered softly. Cas pulled him away and kissed him, slow and soft. 

“You pay me back tenfold.”

“You’ve got a shrink.”

“I meant with sex.” Cas met his eyes, face stoic as always. He would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for the glint in his eyes. It gave him away.

Dean threw back his head and laughed.

“Motherfucker.”

“I don’t have a mother.” 

Dean shook his head, grin splitting open his face. Cas himself was trying to hold it together; he kept having to push down the corners of his mouth so he wouldn't break. Dean crowded closer, determined to ruin that composure. He walked his face right into Cas’s, only reaching for his lips once they were already bumping together. Then he fell into it, pulled Cas toward him to get more, settled into the easy mesh of their bodies until Cas ended up knocking his knee against the bedframe with a loud thump.

They dissolved into a pile of breathy giggles, too giddy and soft to work up the energy to get frisky. Dean just shrugged off his shirt and pulled Cas closer to him. “You know you’re the best thing to ever happen to me.” Dean told him seriously. He didn’t know where it came from; it was way too mushy to even possibly be from his mind. Maybe it was something about the holiday, and the family, and the safety that all of it brought. 

“And so are you.” Cas replied simply, eyes glinting. 

“Even though I’m an asshole sometimes?” He had to ruin it. Had to put in that little bit of doubt, of insecurity. But it wouldn’t be truthful if he just swallowed it, so he let it be said.

Cas kissed his nose, which made Dean feel like a child but also like something so special and precious he didn’t complain. “Even though you’re an asshole sometimes.”

Dean snorted out a laugh and chased Cas’s lips, nipping at him in offense. He sank onto the pillow and stared at Cas where he sat up. Cas just looked down at him, adopting that alien-like quality he could still summon. “Marry me.” 

“What?”

Dean smiled fondly at him, for once not at all concerned. “I dunno, dunnit ‘boyfriends’ sound way too young to you? I mean you’re practically 5 million years old, you can’t have a boyfriend.”

Cas pursed his lips, seemingly deciding between protesting his age or agreeing to his proposal. He laid next to Dean during his decision, letting Dean watch him consider. “Suppose you’re right.” He shrugged, offering up a tiny grin. 

“Yeah?”

“Yes, Dean.”

“No, you’re supposed to say ‘Yes, yes, a thousand times yes’ and then burst into tears.” 

“Dean.”

“Hey, I don’t make the rules, that’s just how humans do it!”

“Okay, I take it back.” 

Dean laughed and pulled him into a giddy kiss. “I love you.”

“I hope so, you’re marrying me.” Cas couldn’t contain his smile anymore; he stopped trying and just stared at Dean with the kind of wonder that used to make Dean feel uncomfortable. Now, it just made him feel lucky. “I love you too.”

---

A phone rang, a bizarre ringtone Dean didn’t recognize. Sam jumped up and ran off to the map room, apologizing quickly. “What the hell, man!” Dean yelled after him and sent a look at Eileen.

Hunter call, probably. She signed. Sure enough, Sam was in the other room picking up a landline with an annoyed tone. 

He listened for a few minutes, asking follow-up questions before Dean heard him say, “Rugaru, yeah, that’s what it sounds like. Yeah, you gotta burn ‘em. Nasty, sorry. Yeah, no problem. Good luck.” He hung up and headed back into the room, signing and talking. “Sorry, hunting doesn’t care about holidays.”

“So glad we’re not doing that anymore.” Dean sighed happily, wrapping an arm around Cas. Sam smiled at him and nodded.

“Me too. I had to burn those clothes after the Rugaru thing.” He shuddered, the memory of the stench enough to make him happy for an empty stomach.

Eileen shrugged. Never had to deal with one of those. 

“Lucky.” Dean promised her. Cas nudged him, nodding toward Jack. He was shaking a wrapped box with his name on it, a look of deep concentration on his face. 

“Whaddya think it is, kid?” 

Jack shook his head. “No idea. Can I open it?” 

“Go for it.”Jack tore into it, no regard for the painted newspaper (yes, it was recycled, Cas and Sam both agreed) as he got to the box underneath. “Open the card first, heathen!” Dean joked, pointing out the card tucked onto the bottom of the thing. Jack scowled but complied, opening the card to find a nice note from him and Cas and a key taped in. 

“What’s it for?” 

Dean leaned forward, elbows on his knees, excited about this part. He had been the one who came up with it, after all. “Our place. We wanted to make it official, since you been, you know, visiting around a lot lately.” Dean turned a little pink in the cheeks. Jack had indeed been drifting between Sam and Eileen’s, Jody’s, his and Cas’s, Donna’s, and Claire and Kaia’s. But he always spent the most time at his and Cas’s house, trying to copy Dean and always ending up enjoying Cas’s hobbies more. Sam had told him a while back that Jack confided he wasn’t sure he was welcome there, not for the long term. So Dean wanted to let him know he was welcome. Except now, looking at the uncertainty on Jack’s face, he wasn’t so sure that’s what the kid wanted. “Uh, you know, you can just spend however much you want with us, but… you know.” He poked Cas desperately in the side, trying to get him to save the sentence.

“We’d like you to have a ‘home base’ with us, Jack. However often you are willing to stay.” Cas said simply. He squeezed Dean’s knee to reassure him.

Jack looked up at them with a stunned expression. “Does this mean I can take out the trash? And do the dishes?” He looked thrilled at the idea. 

Dean chuckled. “We never would’ve stopped you before, kid. But yeah, sure.” 

Sam cleared his throat, offering a smile to Jack. “That better not mean you stop coming around here though, Jack.” When Dean had called and told him his idea for the present, he’d almost teared up. His brother had come a long way with Jack. Still, he wanted to reassure his kid that he always had a home with him and Eileen too, no matter how busy he was. (And nowadays, between online classes, cataloguing lore onto an online database, and being the New Bobby, he was really busy.)

Jack jumped up, clearly about to go for a round of hugs, but Dean waved him off. “Keep going, you haven’t even gotten through one present yet.” 

Jack grinned and complied, taking a bit more time with the box. He pulled out a Scooby Doo phone case, marked for Extra Protection, with Scooby and Shaggy on the back.

“That one was my idea.” Cas told him proudly.

“I helped.” Dean piped up.

“You did not.”

“I helped you pick which case!”

“You wanted to get one with Fred and Daphne.”

“Well, yeah-”

“Not everyone has a crush on them like you do, Dean.” 

Dean flushed scarlet and went silent, pouting. Jack ignored their bickering and beamed up at Castiel. “I love it, dad. Thank you.” 

Cas looked like he could’ve gone for round 4 with the Empty with how happy he was, but he just nodded. “Of course.” 

The rest of the gifts went by with lots of shouting, laughing, smiling, and hugging. And a few tears all around. Dean got Claire a flamethrower without consulting anyone, and Cas got Kaia a rose and lavender scented pillow fragrance (“It helps ensure good dreams.”), which prompted a comment from Claire (“How’d he know you’re a pillow princess?”) that everyone pretended not to hear. Dean got Eileen a Woojer, a wearable speaker that lets you feel music’s vibrations in your body (“Because no one should have to live without Zepp available to them 24/7. Also, now you can cry with me when the sad music cues come on Dr. Sexy,” - one of their favorite activities together). 

Dean jerked a head at Sam to get him out of the room, so Sam snatched his gift while Dean detached himself from Cas. They went to the kitchen, sending a couple soft looks back at their family gathered around the tree with all their new possessions. It was nice, and they both felt it.

“So, uh, Sammy, I been thinking a lot about what to get you for Christmas and everything. I didn’t want to go with the classic-”

“Skin mag and candy bar?” 

“Yeah.”

“Well, damn, now I feel bad.” Sam mimed hiding his present (obviously bigger than a skin mag) behind his back, and Dean rolled his eyes.

“I finally got money, you know? Not a lot of it, but… I got a house and fucking, Cas, and… anyway. We’re finally doing Christmas and I wanted to do it right. And I want you to be as off-the-wall happy as I am, dude.”

Sam smiled widely, not even able to come up with a little-brother bitchy comment to that. “Thanks, Dean, that means a lot.” 

Dean cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah, so, I, um, I wanna pay for your school.” Sam opened his mouth to protest but Dean held up a hand. “No, listen, I know you’ve been stressed about it, and I know you’ve been working really hard on the hunting catalogue stuff. That shit’s important. And I can pay for some crappy internet school classes. No offense.” 

Sam laughed and pulled his brother into a hug. “Thank you, man.” He said, muffled into Dean’s shoulder. “You have no idea how much that means to me.”

Dean patted Sam on the back, expecting Sam to pull away, but he didn’t. “Uh, Sammy.” Sam ignored him. “Sam. Dude, get off me. I want my present.” 

Sam snorted and finally pulled away. Dean tactfully ignored the wetness of his eyes in favor of snatching the gift from Sam’s hands. He tore it open with all the grace of a rabid dog, unveiling a thick, leather bound scrapbook. “A scrapbook? Really?” Dean raised his eyebrows. “That’s gay, even for you.” 

Sam pulled a bitchface. “Who sucks their boyfriend’s dick every chance he gets?” 

Dean flipped him off. No need to argue, Sam would see right through him. It was true though. Not that he would know. Dean flipped open the cover and grinned immediately. It was Sam and Dean as kids, in a mall photo booth, being dumbasses with their tongues stuck out and their faces all crazy. Dean mooned the camera in one, and you could see the psychological scarring on Sam’s face in the next picture. A little note slapped on the page next to it said “I have more nightmares about this than about hell”. Dean laughed, glancing up at Sam before he continued. Sam’s eyes were hopeful with a glint of mischief. That was never good.

Dean flipped through the next pages. It showed them through the years, all with little notes of Sam’s internal monologue. “Grumpy because he hasn’t gotten his coffee this morning” “That’s for the itching powder incident, asshole” and more and more. There were even some pictures in there of just him that Sam had obviously taken without Dean’s knowledge, pictures of him sleeping with comments about his snoring, pictures of him singing obnoxiously in the car with jokes about ear damage. Pictures of him and Bobby shooting the shit with notes about the pair of “old men.”

Then the pictures started to change. There started to be pictures of him and Cas. Mostly just him and Cas. Standing, talking, watching TV together (this one says “angel’s first porno!” with a bunch of hearts next to it). Comments talking about personal space (“he never stands that close to ME”) and the like. One of Dean in Bobby’s panic room where Dean has a speech bubble drawn on his serious face that says “Cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that, I got laid” and then just a selfie of Sam pulling his bitchiest bitch face. 

Dean turned a little red at that, recognizing his complete obliviousness at the time, and kept going. The pictures continue, lots of fun-loving pictures of them on the road and the occasional movie or bar night, Charlie and Kevin and even Crowley and Rowena. But without fail, there is picture after picture of him and Cas sharing a publicly private moment, all with little snippy comments from his little brother. More than three of those comments are “Just kiss already!!!” Dean finally looks up to see Sam crossing his arms and staring at him with a smug, self-satisfied smile. 

“When the hell did you make this?” Dean sputtered. These are a lot of pictures, Sam must’ve kept them on his crappy cell phones for years. 

Sam blinked. “I started it in 2006.” 

“No, I mean, when did you go back and add all these bitchy little comments?” 

Sam raised an eyebrow. “2006.” 

Dean blinked right back. “But you… you’ve got all these dumbass comments about me and Cas.”

His smartass little brother started to smile then, a big shit-eating grin he wanted to smack off his dumb face. “Yeah, man, you weren’t exactly smooth about it.”

“Hey, fuck you, what does that mean?” It was said in jest, but Dean’s volume control went out the window.

“Dean? Sam? Everything okay?” Cas’s voice reached them from the other room. Dean sent an offended glance back at Sam before answering.

“Yeah babe, I’m just finding out how much I wanna punch my brother in here,” 

“Okay, well, leave it till tomorrow, it’s Christmas.” 

“Nah, isn’t fighting with your family a holiday tradition?” 

“I think you’re right. Okay, continue.” 

Now Sam was just watching him with such a knowing expression it made him annoyed. He was watching him flirt with his boyfriend- no, technically, husband. Oh yeah. He lowered his voice back down to a reasonable volume to talk to just his brother again.

“Yeah, so, I should also tell you-” He closed the book and set it on the counter. “We uh… Cas and I, we’re gonna get married.” He looked down at his feet and blushed a bit, could feel the rising heat in his cheeks. Honestly, he couldn’t believe he was saying that. He was getting married. To Cas. “Obviously, you know, we can’t really, with one of us being a legally dead terrorist and the other a former angel in the body of a missing family man,” Dean and Sam both  laughed at that. “But I asked him and he said yes.” 

“You asked him?” Sam seemed more surprised by that than the actual news. Dean shrugged and nodded. “Wow. Congrats, Dean, really.” Sam pulled him in for another hug, which Dean happily returned. “Can I walk you down the aisle?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “If anyone’s getting walked down the aisle, it’s Cas. He might get distracted by a butterfly halfway down, he’ll need the guide.” 

Sam grinned. “Come on, it’s not like you weren’t always gonna give me away.” 

Dean frowned at him. “Me? Why?” 

“Dean, you’re the closest thing to a parent I ever had.” Sam says it like it’s obvious, like he isn’t forgetting about-

“You had Dad.” 

Sam raised his eyebrows and laid a hand on Dean’s shoulder, making his big brother look him in the eyes as he repeated it. “You’re the closest thing to a parent I ever had.” 

Dean wasn’t gonna get choked up. No, he wasn’t, damn it. He’d made it this far in the visit without getting choked up, he could- 

“Sam?”

Eileen appeared around the corner, making them both realize how long they’d been away from the rest. Sam looked at her apologetically, signing Sorry. Dean was just telling me he and Cas are getting married! 

Eileen turned to Dean, barely giving Dean time to process a quick congratulations sign before she enveloped him in a hug. Dean laughed and hugged her back, pulling away to sign thank you. At least he knew how to do that. 

Big church wedding? Eileen teased. 

“Only if Cas wears a poofy dress,” Dean joked back. He only knew the signs for Cas and dress, but between that and lip-reading, Eileen got it. She shook her head with a grin and grabbed Sam’s hand. They all went back into the living room and to the rest for another round of hot chocolate and a marathon of all the Home Alone movies, per request. 

------

Dean snuggled into Cas’s side and ruffled a hand through Jack’s hair and he tried to think of something more perfect than having his family all together for Christmas. He couldn’t.

[moon-spirit-yue]

Alright time for what Charanya was up to during the Druun apocalypse! There will be a couple more posts about Charanya because there is just so much I have to say about her. Since she cuts her hair after the Druun hit I think it’s a good idea to show what young teen Charanya looked like. The art is @baydews and the link is here: https://href.li/?https://picrew.me/image_maker/415524.

• The months following the Druun apocalypse, Raya and Charanya were a wreck

• To make matters worse, people from other lands were trying to steal the resources Heart has

• Charanya and Raya were NOT about to let that slide. They agreed that the rest of the world hurt Heart enough

• Basically, the first few months of the apocalypse was Raya and Charanya stopping people from getting to Heart’s supplies with traps, scaring them with old legends, and so much more

• Think home alone but ratld edition

• They also went to other lands and spread rumors that bandits and Druun were overtaking Heart

• People stopped trying to take things from Heart after about five months

• When they were sure no one was going to try and take Heart’s resources, Raya set out on her quest to find Sisu

• Charanya had a different plan. She knew that while the majority of Heart’s citizens got turned to stone, there were many of their people that escaped on their own or another land’s boat

• This made her determined to help the remaining Heart citizens in any way she can. She planned to track them down and drop off extra jade, food and water on a regular basis until Raya could find Sisu and fix this mess

• Besides, someone needed watch after Heart and take care of the land so that it would stay a beautiful and prosperous place

• The girls dragged out an abandoned boat to a big lake in the middle of Heart, anchored it right in the center so that they could have a safe place to sleep even without the gem piece

• They used a small row boat to go to and from land and the boat

• Charanya realized that with her grandma gone there would be no one to take care of her hair. She figured it would be best to just let the bangs grow out. She also wanted to cut her hair so that the bangs would be as close to her real hair length as possible

• She got Raya to tie a ribbon around her hair at about shoulder length and sliced it off with her Ba’s sword. She wore a headband to keep her growing bangs out of her face

• Both girls were crushed when Raya first left to search for Sisu, but they knew they had two different missions that they had to complete

• With Raya taking the gem piece, Charanya is way less protected from the Druun than Raya. Thankfully, Heart has plenty of bodies of water

• Whenever Charanya saw the Druun she would sprint and fling herself in the nearest body of water

• This caused her habit of constantly wearing revealing clothes and bathing suits

• She figured it would be best not to ruin her clothes that covered up more. Plus she didn’t want to deal with the extra weight when she was swimming

• Since she only ever saw Raya in Heart anyways she wasn’t worried about people judging her clothing style

• I also think that Heart has very moderate temperatures so there’s never any snow and storms are a rare occasion so Charanya never had any problems with being too cold either

• She spent over a year tracking down every remaining Heart citizen, but she finally found them all shortly after her fourteenth birthday

• As she was tracking down former Heart citizens that had to move after the Druun, she was also taking care of the land itself. Maintaining crops, cleaning up places so that they didn’t look like a huge wreck, that sort of thing

• Obviously considering the fact that she’s only one person her efforts weren’t perfect but she did the best she could

• She also hid all the jade in various locations on the off chance that someone did come to Heart to steal more resources

• Since Charanya’s mom taught her about money at a young age, she knew how much the people would need

• Her plan is that once she tracked everyone down, every three months she would go to each land to drop off supplies to those citizens. She would go at the start of every new season

• Raya would also pop back in Heart every few months to get more supplies and jade so when she learned of Charanya’s plan Raya told her about the safest and fastest ways to get to each land

• The times that Raya came to restock on supplies was also when the two girls girl caught up on what the other was doing. They would also arrange to meet at random locations through out the lands to talk

• The girls thought it would be best not to exchange letters because they didn’t want anyone to find out that Heart was a relatively safe place

• The first time Charanya went out to deliver supplies she was jumpy and terrified of anyone that looked her way. Raya’s stories of her time out did NOT help either

• It was the first time she had left Heart in about a year. Not to mention was by herself this time

• She wrote a note to each family explaining the extra supplies and that she would continue doing this every three months for as long as the family needed

• She was beaming with pride seeing the happy and relived faces of her people when they saw the extra supplies. It made her all the more determined to see it through

• Her route was Tail, Fang, Spine, then Talon

• Though she didn’t have to go to Tail for very long. Within the first six months of her little Charanya delivery service pretty much everyone had been turned to stone in Tail since it’s. Ya know. A desert

• Only one Heart citizen was left there and Charanya helped him to move Fang

• Spine also didn’t last the entire apocalypse either. Though it was definitely longer than Tail, everyone turned to stone there by the time Charanya was sixteen

• The last two years of the apocalypse just going to Fang then. Talon

• She ran into some trouble in Fang when she was fifteen and hid in an abandoned tent. However, the tent was not, in fact, abandoned. There sat the most beautiful Fang warrior Charanya had ever seen

• But that story is coming later!

• Anyways, when she wasn’t taking care of Heart or dropping off supplies, Charanya would read to entertain herself

• With little to no human interaction, she had to do something to keep herself occupied

• She was already a book nerd before the Druun hit, it just became 10x worse after the fact

• When Charanya got wind of someone going around stealing gem pieces, she was ecstatic! She knew damn well it was Raya who was taking them which must have meant that finding Sisu worked!

• She raced back to Heart as soon as she heard and tried her best to not have a panic attack about whether Raya was okay

• The day the apocalypse ended, Charanya was taking a nap

• She has been swimming in the lake where her boat is because it was the only thing that would get her tired enough to sleep in the middle of the day. She couldn’t stand not knowing how Raya was doing

• She woke up to cheers, screams, and a lot of sobs

• At first she thought one of the other lands had invaded Heart, but then she saw swarms of people wearing the colors of Heart

• Raya had done it! The Druun were gone for good

• She swam out of her boat and ran as fast as she could to find her mom and grandma

• They were already calling her name and searching for her by the time she got to the place where they had become stone

• Charanya was afraid her family wouldn’t recognize her, but she was suffocated in their hug the second she made eye contact with them

• She sobbed in her mom and grandmas arms for what felt like hours

• Then she remembered Benja and went out to the bridge to see if he was okay

• She arrived when Benja and Raya were hugging and tackled them both in a hug

• It was only after the tearful reunions that she saw Sisu

• She kinda geeked out before bowing and putting the gem symbol above her head as a sign of respect

• But Sisu wasn’t having it and right for the hug

• “Awww you must be that friend of Raya I’ve heard about!” “Talking shit about me, my ray of sunshine?” “Always”

• Seeing all the lands come together warmed Charanya’s heart

• It would take time, but they would all be okay

Taglist: @faithfulwarrior-og, @isitbussinjanelle, @tigerlillyruiz, @ratld-sideblog

[voyeuristicvixen]

Captains Log No.22 _ Master Rez Day 11

Yesterday was my rez day, 11 years on the grid. I don’t think I need to go into detail about how much SL has changed... Just the population of young, black creatives on SL has gone way over what was accessible back in the day. . . I am extremely grateful for this, thought it can be bittersweet to witness at times how the community chooses to represent themselves in these spaces. I think we have a great opportunity in SL for tolerance and acceptance and also to gain greater understanding of our inner emotional landscape safely. There are so many things to explore about how you think and move in certain situations that many wouldnt have the chance to process the way you can in virtual worlds. There is a kind of forgiving essence to it. One thing we all have to remember to put our experience in SL in perspective is that many of us come on here to escape in some ways and also to expand. Upon thinking, upon the imposed limitations of the mundane world... We have a chance to really dream freely.Its something I am so very grateful for. Being in SL as a teen, I spent most of my time with old hippies. I learned so much about life and the world through listening to their stories and experiences. That is one thing I hope will return, just being able to hang out and talk and disagree without disrespecting each other. Simple enough but I’ve noticed lately hard to find...

My return to SL really was prompted and became 10x better because of this man next to me Wav, who also made sure to spend this first rez day I ever celebrated in 11 years, with me. We have a relationship beyond SL and it is long distance, SL provides us a way to feel like we are together as we prepare for coming together in RL. It is really a great platform for that! Anyone in a long distance relationship who wants to do more to experience living and being with your loved one tap in! There is a lot to navigate with all the various personality and plain disrespectful people that you might encounter, for us it has made our communication better and relationship stronger. Exploring SL alone is so much fun, but exploring SL with a friend or loved one is really another level!

So he took me to this beautiful African Restaurant after we had spent the afternoon really tapping into and talking about the importance and beauty of African renaissance and how it is coming into the zeitgeist of the world at this time. We watched a documentary which I posted in my blog prior to this, so good! This restaurant actually had some of my favorite meals from back home! Okra soup with fufu and Lamb! I was in heaven!

“This okra stew is good but n o t h i n g like my ma’s!” XD He bought me some beautiful jewelry that I had been drooling over for a minute now, always knows what I like and he takes time to show he cares. We ended the night at Benji’s place for a low key grown and sexy night out. I didn’t make a big deal about my rez day this year.

Thing is.. a lot of my old friends from back in the day are dead and gone from SL. I was amongst old hippies that lived traveling and following the grateful dead in their youth... The sim that I grew up in is now closed to the public sadly, but it was a historic site where you could learn all about the band and feel like you were living in the times... I cherish those moments and my life at the commune. I lived in a little bubble in my past SL life and through that safe sheltered space I learned of many different perspectives... I was in poetry clubs and hosted parties, DJ’d orgies and naked weekend parties haha.. The most open minded and loving people of the world I found on this... I will hold it so close to my heart forever and ever. Now I am experiencing a whole different life on SL, being a bigger black community available, instagram is a thing that we didnt have back then to connect and share... now I am building a whole family with a zooby baby! I never would have imagined this in the past. I am excited to make new friends and have even more fulfilling experiences building with MY PEOPLE, BLACK PEOPLE, AFRICANS, INDIGENOUS!!! Its a whole other level to what we can achieve for connecting the diaspora together now that people are locked in.

Foxey was wild as they came now as a true Pisces shes surfin Wav and makin waves too. P.S. Shoutout and thanks to Wav for making that day extra special! XOXO

[i-need-air]

Hawks Fluff Alphabet.

So I wrote this because I was bored, thought it was fun and it ended in 2,4k words. Casually. No biggie. Just chillin here. I think it's been done a million times already bUT have aNotHer oNe.

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Lazy days together are the definition of perfection for him. The domestic vibe those days have make him belong somewhere. For a hero that's been forced to have a one track mind to now have this intimacy plus on these days he gets some rest with his significant other... Perfection.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Your face and your expressions. He studied people for so long that he's a natural at it and when it comes to you, it's all so comforting. Your smile; the way your eyes sparkle, small wrinkles at their corner, the sweet curving of your lips. Your blush; cheeks flustered, you denying it, head turning the other way, pouty face depending on how he teased you. Your frown; determination in your orbs, the clear need to argue written all over you. Your concentration face, your daydreaming face, you...

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

If you're feeling down he takes his compliments a step higher yet his voice gets softer. It lacks the teasing edge it normally has. Attempts to cook, fails, brings you take-out. Tries to make you smile all the time, mostly by being a dumb chicken or by being cheesy.

If you're having a panic attack/are depressed, he's attentive and listens to everything you have to say. Is there to support you and will try to give you a hand, just tell him when you're ready to take the step. Hugs and full of sincere love.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Has always dreamed about a big family, even if he's actually terrified of the idea. He had a disfunctional upbringing, filled with poverty, alcohol and arguments and then he has been thrown into a life of basically military training from a very young age. He wants stability, he wants his chance to find love, enjoy a normal person's life, go on casual dates, sing in the rain, get married, have kids... the image of being called Papa crosses his mind. Getting old, having a big house filled with warmth. Hopefully someday you'll allow him that. But first he has to allow himself have it.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Goes with the flow? Sometimes he takes the wheel, sometimes you do. He doesn't think one has to be more dominant than the other. Always asks and considers your opinion about things.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Hmm. Fights happen, sure, but rarely since he's one to stop and track back once one starts. He likes to communicate the problem from the very beginning. Once a fight does step out of hand he over-explains things, which can get very frustrating. He wants you to see his side of the story too so he'll need some acknowledgement from your part before willing to listen more too. He's not stubborn but expects to be heard too. If it gets too much, you both have to decide to cool off and talk later. Keigo is easy at forgiving because in that time he considered your point of view and hopes you're willing to discuss things calmly. Although these type of fights almost never happen. More like arguments with Facts™. He does not shout. He won't relive his childhood, he's better than that.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Very verbal about it with a teasing edge. Loves to hear how you indeed wanted to, for example, pamper him. Appreciative of every small thing you do for him since he's not used to people caring about him on a personal level. Even the fact that you ask him how was his day, how is he feeling, so on, makes him thankful.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Before the LoV he wouldn't tell you about his missions when they were on-going, but afterwards he'd slip some juicy details casually. Makes you pinky promise to not spill things but actually does keep stuff to himself. Yeah, you get some exclusive details, specially if he gets hurt and tries to make you feel better. Keeps stuff that could bring harm to you. Doesn't tell you about the LoV, just promises you he's always going to be there, so don't question when he dissappear for a few days. Trust him, please.

About casual things, gossip and other stuff he's an open book. "So I was casually flying while on duty and you won't guess who I saw kissing who... 👀"

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

You made him belong somewhere. I mentioned it before but he has a reason to go home, a reason to look at the phone without expecting the Commission on his ass or a "friend" that only cares about his status. He's got that's tranquility he craved.

He will always encourage you to be your best self in a way or another.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Doesn't get overly jealous but might be insecure at times. Maybe you deserve better, someone who has the time to be there for you, someone that might not die the following day... If he sees someone getting close to you and with intentions clear of pursuing you, not just flirting, he'll get into that mentality. A tiny spark of possessiveness awakens in him but remains casual and laid back.

This is one of the concerns he doesn't voice straight away to you but will, eventually. Just tell him he's all you need.

If the person just flirts with you, Keigo knows you can handle yourself. Will step in if you're uncomfortable and will, without a doubt, make that person 10x more uncomfortable. He does trust you completely, even if the insecurities get to him at times.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Oh, yes. His kisses range from sweet to needy and even the smallest peck has passion in it, which you can see in his eyes afterwards.

Your first kiss was after a date, something casual as he tried his best to do it right, you know? At your front door when he dropped you off after a full date of trying to be being a gentleman, he waits for you to lean in as a signal, but he couldn't help himself to interrupt your sweet goodbyes. "Can I kiss you, dove?"

Slow, sweet, he breathes you in as he encircles your frame in his arms. One of his favorite memories and also his favorite kisses.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

People consider him flirty but he's just good at compliments. With you in the picture? Now that's Hawks actually flirting. And it was supposed to be his way of telling you he's very much interested. And he's smooth.

Overall decides to be casual yet serious about it. When he finally gets time alone with you he just tells you he's really interested and would love if you wanted to grab something to eat that same night. As a date.

The first "I love you" is quiet, he stops what he's doing and just grabs your wrist gently, looking into your eyes. It does take time to process the emotion and to assure himself it's okay to say it. Does confess at a random time but soon you learn he just really couldn't hold it in anymore. After the first one he never stops saying it. Makes you wonder if he's a chicken or a parrot.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Ultimately, yes. I already went through it before, he dreams of that.

After the LoV ordeal and when everything settled, he'll be ready to do it. It somehow taught him that life is short and he needs to take the wheel in this one. He has many scenarios in head but goes to a simple night out, renting the top of a building, preparing it with a single table in the middle of it. Lights, flowers decorating everything. Personal chef, beautiful view. And a ruby engagement ring.

[I made a whole post about married Hawks, check that out 👀]

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Dove, love, angel... And then some very cheesy ones. All the cheesy nicknames actually. All of them.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

It depends on who he's with. If he's with people he trusts, which are not many, he'll be talking about you all the time. Proclaims he's in love, doesn't care. His smiles are more sincere and if you'd known him for long enough you'd see how he didn't have such a weight on his shoulders.

Clearly won't go proclaiming it to villains, so there's that. Is very careful about mentioning you to the Commission too, he's worried they'd use you against him. They do know you're together but that's all they need to know.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

C'mon, shy away from kisses? Keeps it lowkey from the media but apart from that? Who can deny you some smooches?

You met his friends, all being heroes like him, and you both are officially The Couple™. You know what I'm talking about.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

His ability to read people and his honesty about it made you avoid some harmful "friends" that came your way. Know that he just means the best when he mentions something.

On a more casual level, his feathers bringing you both stuff from the kitchen while you lazy around in the couch is just 10/10.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Ok, this boy is somehow a romantic but a dumb romantic. Likes clichés but with his twist, mostly humorous.

Brings you little things that reminded him of you, it's his thing to prove that you're always on his mind even if he's far away.

"No, baby, don't leave me! I love you... I can't live without you!" while grabbing you close as you were to leave.

"Keigo. I'm just going to work."

... or...

"Love, there's a storm, let's make out in the pouring rain."

"Did you just wake me up at 3 A.M. to–"

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Definitely. He likes to encourage you to do your best and if he can help somehow, he will. Sees so much potential in you. Will be your personal cheerleader.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Balances it. Does enjoy some structure but with you he learned he can also let go, so don't be surprised when he grabs you one day and takes you to a random carnival or something. Is bummed because he can't be as spontaneous as he wanted because of his fame, but it's okay, he can bring the spontaneous at home.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Observant man as he is, Keigo knows you pretty well. Which is okay actually, he wants to know you as much as possible and loves growing and maturing with you.

Listens to you and considers what you have to say and believe me, your words mean a lot to him.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

When he got so attached to you he tried to separate himself from the thought of a relationship but just as he started the process he also stopped instantly. Hawks knew you were important from the moment his heart ached to be near you and that feeling remains to this day.

Loves you. Just... Loves you. You're so important in his life it actually scares him. Because life is also unpredictable, his job specially. Many people hate him...

It's a thought that invades his mind frequently. He's past the point of backing out, so what he needs to do is to protect the most precious human being he's ever known with all his power.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

I don't know why but I feel he's a very artistic person. As in he draws and has a small sketchbook in his jacket all the time. And many pages are filled with drawings of you.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Dumb romantic chicken loves the affection and the attention that comes with it. Give him both. Drop everything you're doing and give him love, damnit. Hugs are a must; his chin on your shoulder watching you do something; his head in your chest as you play with his hair; sit on his lap and smooch his face while he just hugs you tight. Skin contact is very important to him and I think it's his actual love language.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Pouty and an attention whore although nobody notices. Once he gets the time, he texts you how much he misses you. He's very vocal about it so expect 17 texts in a row telling you. All written the same minute. Guess what happens 5 minutes later? 20 more texts.

Just give him a call already. That's when you hear him pout about it. Loves hearing your voice but if you're far apart for too long he will ruin a cute romantic moment with an innocent "So what are you wearing?"

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

It might sound crude but him being in a relationship with you while the world is basically on fire is enough saying. He can't let you go anymore. He doesn't think he ever was after landings his eyes on you. Will fight for this relationship and promised himself to protect you from danger.

[jazzytriestowrite]

How to get away with murder

Fandom; My hero academia

Pairing; Dabi x GN Reader

Synopsis; You had watched day by day, as the love of your life fell for someone who wasn’t you. It hurt a lot. Deciding that you should take matters into your own hands, you begin to take action and take what you thought was rightfully yours. No one else could have him, Dabi was yours, and only yours and you didn’t like sharing. 

Warnings; Death lmfao, mentions of alcohol and overuse. A bit of taking advantage of Dabi if you squint and a reader willing to do anything to get her crush. 

Word Count; 3092

A/N; This idea came to me when I was heading to bed after watching the series ‘How to get away with murder’ and while the two of them aren’t that similar, it caused me to think of this. I typed this up and didn’t finish till around 5 am, so enjoy my little typos and vibe with me.

☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆

Everything seemed perfect, and when you say ‘perfect’, you meant it. 

Maybe it was the light drizzle of rain that soaked into both of your clothes, mixed in with the natural glow of the moon and stars made for a perfect scene. The sketchy buildings behind you, and the constant honk from a car passing by only added to the moment. 

Maybe it was how his rough hands held your body so softly, despite being the same hands of a killer. Maybe it was how he held you close, one hand resting on your cheek as his fiery blue eyes stared into yours. The love and passion that were displayed in his orbs had you standing there frozen. His breath was fanning your face, eyes peering into yours with no fears and no regrets. The hand on your cheek moved slowly, almost hypnotizing, as the other hand that rested on your hip pulled you closer to his warm body. 

Now a small smile rested on his features, showing you that he was more than some smirking bastard that you usually saw. You stared at the many staples on his face, and the purple marks under his eyes, and honestly, it had only made him hotter in this moment. 

The rain had now started to seep into your clothes making you shiver from not only that, but how close the other male was. And he would only get closer, closer and closer until his lips only brushed against yours in a taunting way. You were both hungry for each other, that much could be said, but the build up was starting to drive you crazy. 

And finally, after his blue eyes stared into yours for so long, asking permission, well more like begging for you to let him continue, you nodded and he finally closed the gap between you two. 

HONKKK

The loud honk and the sound of tires screeching snaps you out of your daze, making you finally come to your senses. Your eyes trail to the two cars that almost hit each other due to the rain affecting their sight. The two cars yell, before continuing their journey on the street, speeding away without actually fighting. 

Rolling your eyes, you finally remembered what you were doing. Your eyes gaze across the street, where you see Dabi, and no, he wasn’t with you and about to kiss you like your earlier thoughts. 

Instead he was leaning in to kiss some other girl, a girl who wasn’t you, and a girl who didn’t deserve him. 

You have to avert your eyes when you hear her giggle, and even though the rain was pretty loud, it still didn’t cover up the disgusting noises of their lips smacking together. It disgusted you, almost making you call it a night and go home, but you stayed, knowing you’d only sit home wondering what happened if you left. 

You watch as they make out, his hands exploring her body and her leaning more into him. After a long time of watching, they finally pull away, smiling at each other as they let each other go. 

“Goodnight Dabi, hopefully I can see you tomorrow” You hear her pathetic voice say, and you watch as he nods, giving her a light smack on her ass. After a while of exchanging more words, the female walks up to her apartment, leaving Dabi alone. 

You duck down in your car when you see him cross the street, cursing quietly as you hoped he wouldn’t notice you or your car. Stalking wasn’t really your thing, but if it meant keeping an eye on the guy you loved, then you’d learn real quick.

“Fuck her, she doesn’t deserve him” You spit out, sitting back up in your seat when Dabi turned into a nearby alley, vanishing quickly. Turning your car on, you turned to look at her apartment once more before shaking your head and speeding off. 

He was yours first, and now some other bitch has stolen him away from you with a few flirty looks and the promise of a future. It irritated you that you, his best friend, had been thrown to the side once a new girl was brought into the picture. 

In the end, you had only wished it was you who he was kissing in the rain, but sadly it was some other girl instead. 

☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆

“That will be 34.72 Ma’am”

You nodded at the old man, giving him a small smile as you took out your wallet, pulling out two twenties. Handing it to him, you mumble for him to keep the change before taking your grocery bag and exiting the store. 

After what you had seen last night, you had believed it would be good for you to go out and get some groceries for your apartment. As eating out every night was starting to ruin your funds, and you knew you couldn’t afford to be homeless now. 

The sun was bright today, and the chatter amongst all the people walking on the sidewalk put you in a better mood. A way better mood than yesterday. Watching as the noisy children ran down the sidewalk with their toys in hand and smiles on their faces made your own face light up. 

Swinging your grocery bag, your eyes looked around your surroundings, enjoying the nice day that you seemed to be having. 

Feeling your pocket vibrate, you pull out your phone and answer it without checking the caller ID, the ringtone alone has already told you who it was. “What’s up Dabi, did you need anything or-”

You stop walking as you listen to his heavy breathing, which very much concerns you. “Y/n…” The pause after your name had you freaking out, making you assume the worst had happened. “I need you to come to my apartment” With those words, you heard the click of the phone call ending. 

It took a moment for that to sink in, and when it did you immediately broke out into a run, straight to Dabi’s apartment. It didn’t matter if you looked stupid, or the many people who you bumped into or knocked over. All that mattered was your best friend needed you, and you’d be damned if you took your sweet time to make it there. 

You made it to his apartment in under ten minutes, which if you had to say, was the quickest you had ever ran in your life. Stopping outside, you bend over as you pant, trying to catch your breath after all that sprinting. 

Walking up the stairs of the rundown building, you cringe when you see a literal rat scurry across the wooden floors. Disgusted, you hurry your way up the stairs, actually terrified you’d fall through. 

Making it to his door, you go to knock before seeing the door had already been open. Taking a deep breath, you push open the door and prepare for the worst. 

Upon opening the door, you are immediately hit with the strong smell of vodka and cigarettes. The combination of the two together was enough to make you gag, but you held it in as you walked in, closing the door behind you. 

“Dabi….” You trail off as your eyes finally land on him. He was only in a white tank top and some black joggers, an outfit that would have been very sexy if you didn’t notice the distraught look on his face. He was slightly bent over his counter, a glass of what you assumed was vodka in his hand. 

When he turned to look at you, you noticed his red, puffy tired eyes. Now you knew something was up. Walking closer to him, you dropped your grocery bag on the floor and joined him next to the counter. 

“What happened Dabi?” You ask softly, eyes searching his face before meeting his blue eyes. He had only stared back at you quietly, and after a few more seconds he sighed and downed the drink in his hands. You noticed that afterwards his shoulders sagged.

“She’s dead y/n” He whispers, eyes staring at his empty glass. Gripping the table tightly, Dabi shakes as his rage starts to build up. “She’s dead and it’s all my fault” The soft, scared tone he had earlier, vanished quickly and turned into an anger filled tone. 

You watch as he turns his whole body to you, his anger filled eyes staring down at you, and for a second, such a look being aimed at you had made you uncomfortable. The way his blue eyes seemed to have blue flames in them now, or how the room had gotten 10x hotter added to that growing uncomfortableness.

“Just calm down, tell me what happened” You state, not liking how things were turning out. You didn’t even know what was happening, so sitting here without the slightest clue had only made you worry more. “You aren’t at fault for anything, just-”

Your body freezes when you hear the shatter of glass, your eyes widening as you watch Dabi’s body shake in anger. “Calm down you say?’’ He repeats your words with a much harsher tone, as narrowed as he turned to face you, chest rising and falling in anger. 

The way his eyes burned into yours had you shifting back and forth on your feet. You had just watched him throw that same glass he was drinking out of earlier at the wall in front of him. It shattered into a bunch of pieces. 

“It’s all my fucking fault for even getting close to her’’ He rants, now pacing the tiny apartment. “I knew even talking to her was a big risk but FUCK” He slammed his hand against the counter, going quiet as he retreated back into his mind. 

You take small steps in his direction, acting as if you were approaching a wounded puppy, which in a sense you were. “Dabi, don’t you dare blame yourself for this. Whoever killed her is to blame, putting this all on you isn’t right”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up” He continues to mumble, “ you have no idea what you're talking about, since last I knew, you were still single and lonely.” He didn’t look at you while he spoke, “So that means you wouldn’t clearly understand what I was going through” He snapped at you, hands still gripping the countertop. 

You take a deep breath, you knew he was just saying these things because he was hurting, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less. But this wasn’t about you. Dabi needed you in this moment, so no amount of harsh words would make you leave when you knew he needed someone right now. 

“I know you're hurting” You start off, taking confident steps towards him until you stand right in front of him. “And, if it makes you feel better to take it out on me, then go ahead. If that means yelling, throwing things or even calling me names”

Dabi slowly turns his body towards you, looking down into your sincere eyes. “You can do all of that, but I’ll still be here for you, because I am your best friend. It would be pointless if even me, someone you are really close with, can’t help you out during a crisis” You finish off. 

You notice how his mood changes again, and his shoulders sag once more. “I’m here for you” You whisper as you close the gap between the two of you, your arms wrapping around his body as you pull him into a comforting hug. 

“ I was just starting to like her y/n, I thought that maybe she and I could work” His arms wrap around you in a tight hug, placing his head in the crook of her neck. You feel the tears before you hear them, and it honestly breaks your heart. 

The two of you slowly drop to the ground, holding onto each other like your life depends on it. You hold him tightly as he cries, rubbing his back soothingly. You relished in the fact that you were holding Dabi, a small smile coming onto your face. You made sure he couldn’t see it, though. 

It was bad, you knew that, but just being able to hold him in your arms was enough to make you happy. Being close enough to breath in his scent, which mostly smelled like burnt cigarettes and heavy cologne, but that didn’t matter to you. It still smelled nice either way. 

After a few more minutes of holding each other, Dabi finally pulls away and wipes his tears, a small smile on his face. “ Y/n, have I ever told you, you're my best friend and I’d be hopeless without you?”

While it was a compliment, it had only hurt you in the end. You didn’t want to just be some best friend, you wanted to be more than that. Someone he could love and cherish, but you knew that maybe that wouldn’t happen. “I’m always here for you Dabi, through thick and thin”

He tugs at your wrist lightly, helping you up as he leads the two of you back to the counter. “We both need some drinks after that” He gestures to the glass that still lay shattered on the floor. “It’s the best vodka I could steal” He mumbles as he grabs two new glasses for the both of them to use. 

Pouring the two of them some of the vodka, the both of you pick up your glasses, clinking them together just because. Taking a deep breath, you drink the shot, the burning feeling it left afterwards made you shake your head in disgust. Yet Dabi had looked unaffected by it. 

“To be honest y/n, I was just trying to find someone to love in all this chaos” Dabi states with a sigh, his hand gripping his glass lightly. He turns to look at you and chuckles, “But that didn’t seem to work out” He says sadly. 

Maybe it was the vodka in your system, or maybe you were just tired of tiptoeing around him about your feelings. “I think you’ve been looking in the wrong places for someone to love, hell maybe the person right in front of you already does” 

The silence that followed after your statement had made you nervous, and instead of looking at him, your gaze shifted to the floor. Alcohol sure does give you a hell of a confidence boost. 

“Y/n...Did you mean that?” Dabi asks, his eyes staring at you for confirmation. When he noticed you wouldn’t even look at him, he finally understood. 

You had liked him this entire time. 

As his brain worked to put the pieces together, he found himself taking steps towards you. His head was screaming that maybe, just maybe that this was too soon. His mind was telling him that this was wrong, that he had just found out a girl he had liked had been murdered. But, again,the alcohol in his system was making his heart feel some things at her confession. 

His heart and head battle it out, wondering what the best decision was. 

In the end, he found himself cornering you, placing both of his hands on the counter in front of you, cadging you in. “Didn’t know alcohol made you this bold y/n” He whispers, studying your face. 

He had wondered why it had taken him so long to figure out that you were beautiful, always there for him and putting up with his bullshit. You were the only one who truly knew him and he looked over the simple fact that maybe you were a good match for him. 

You had frozen in front of him, not expecting him to get this close to you. It makes your face feel hot and the hairs on your body stand up. “Well, guess that's a good think huh?” You say back, your eyes staring into his fiery blue ones. 

Your long time crush was now standing in front of you, possibly going to act out on his feelings and you felt nothing but happiness. You had been eying him since you had walked in his apartment. 

Like how his black joggers fit nicely on his legs, and now his white tank top was tight against his chest, leaving little room for you to imagine. His toned arms free and currently flexing on the counter next to you had you practically drooling. 

 His face was close to yours, which gave you the excuse to stare at him even more. His black hair was messy, pointing in almost every direction. A small teasing smirk was on his face, his eyes looking you up and down. Not to mention that the staples and purple parts of his body had only made him sexier. 

He was the hottest man you knew, and he was hovering over you. 

“Is.. Is this okay?’’ Dabi asks, gazing into your eyes as he asks for permission, leaning in just enough that your lips brushed together, but still not what the both of you wanted. “Tell me now if you want me to stop”

You think about his question, and while there wasn’t anything to think about, your mind goes back to yesterday night. The night the girl he liked was killed. 

☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆

“Please.. I’ll do anything! I’ll never speak to him again.. Please” The scared voice of the female in front of you did nothing but piss you even more. Her shaking figure though, had made you happy. 

Swinging the bat in your hand you shake your head, it was too late for things like that.

“He’s mine, and I’ll be sure to kill anyone who tries to come between us. And that's a promise” You say, swinging the bat full force at her.

☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆

You nod, “Duh, wouldn’t have it another way” You say lowly, before your hand comes up to his cheek and pulls him into a kiss, one that you have been waiting forever for.

He presses his body against you, his hands going to your thighs as he hoists you up onto the counter. He had wanted to be even closer to you, so he settled his way between your legs and deepened the kiss. 

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer. His lips were rough, but against your soft ones they were a perfect combination. You had waited so long, for just one kiss. 

And all it took was murder.

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Oh wow, you two have been friends for a long time then! I know what's that like, I've known my best friend who lives in Spain since we were 8! Definitely awesome to have someone like that in your life. Are you still going to be roommates when the baby comes? And that was really thoughtful of your ex making sure you didn't travel alone.

Canada is really cold tho, so if you're okay with that you should def move there! Ah well, I'm doing better now so that's what matters, all the horrible worries I had when I lived back home are gone atm.

Yeah, that's the spirit! you can do all US states even if it takes you 43 years, that's plenty of time! hahaha And your welcome, it's one of my favourite fics.

Your mind is great, don't worry. At least something good came out of it haha.

Oh so people make her a pisces then, I see. I've met a pisces who was kinda like Dani once so that's why I said she has that kind of energy, but she def has fire on her chart too. And yeah I can see some virgo traits in her, but she's very sensitive and a bit naive so I guess pisces makes more sense.

I had to look up what a badger was hahaha never heard of them before.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Sounds scary. And you still have to take medication bc of it. The threat of catching covid must've made that 10x worse too. And I can only hope to learn from my mistakes at the very least.

People who made thobm are fucking savages tbh hahaha. 😂 Kinda wish they had cast Oliver as Jamie like they originally intended but then we wouldn't have our damie... don't know what's worse honestly.

Oh Yorkshire accent is pretty cool too, isn't the lead singer of the Arctic Monkeys from Yorkshire? Honestly think all the language variations and different accents that come with each region are really fascinating. And that happens with all languages, not just English. Wish I could speak all languages in the world, that would be a cool superpower! I guess it makes sense you like American accents more bc it's so different from yours. I've become desensitized to North American accents just bc I hear them all the time, but I see how it would be more appealing to you.

Oooh I love that possibility of it becoming a real fic soon hahaha. Worst part of letting it cook is that I already have the finished illustration in my head but the transferring to reality part is not working rn. Wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy tbh.

You def had a busy weekend and start of the week! I have a virgo in my life rn too I know the struggle. Her birthday is this weekend in fact. I had an okay weekend thank you! Managed to catch up with that pirate AU you recommended and I'm already planning fanart for it that will probably never see the light of day haha! Are we going to have more smut this next MoU update? (need to know for scientific purposes 🔬)

Yeah we've been friends for years we met when we were 14 and are still friends now at 27 so it's been one of my longest friendships I have a friend that I met at 4 but we're not as close as we once were still really good friends but not best friends haha!! aww that's so cool that you guys have been friends for that long!! Yeah we're still gonna live together when the baby comes- we're looking for a bigger place right now to make room for the baby and her boyfriend (he still doesn't live with us yet but will soon.... *insert gif of Monica Gellar one friends saying "And now I have to live with a boy" while crying* Yeah my ex is a super thoughtful person and she just didn't want me travelling so far alone when I had never flown before because when I went to Paris with my college we drove there and went on the Eurostar and it took us 13 hours to get there but I had never flown before going to LA and I picked an 11 hour flight for my first one so she wanted someone to fly with me she's a very thoughtful person I LOVE the cold weather I am so sad right now because it's bene quite warm in the north of England I can't wait until it's like -3 degrees Celsius during the winter nights again so I am sure I would love Canada I am fine with it taking me 43 years if that's what it takes haha I just wanna hit all 50 states I think it would be so fun to do it and to be able to say I'd done it.  Haha thank you!! As long as something good comes out of it that's all I can hope for but there are times I've done things and people are like "And you're allowed to teach kids?" Like I can be really dumb sometimes haha.  Yeah I've seen a couple of fics where she has been a pisces I think with it never being said and with VP never saying what she thinks she is people have looked at her personality and matched it up to zodiac signs- a lot of the pisces I've met haven't been like Dani like I said but I do trust what people who know more about zodiac signs say because I know nothing and I just pick a random date each time so CBML she's a Leo and MoU she's a virgo and in SLS she's gonna be a Scorpio because that's just how I've done it haha but I really know nothing about zodiac signs other than what you have told me!! There different types of badgers there are honey badgers and they're more in America here we have a different type of badger and they look so cute but they are really vicious if they feel attacked or scared so try snd avoid badgers... more than that though we just have cows, geese, ducks, swans... lots of foxes but noting dangerous like bears or anything its a very boring place to live!! Yeah it is pretty scary but I just take everything one day at a time- I actually caught Covid last year because of how much time I was in the hospital having treatments for my condition I caught Covid and ended up in the hospital for a week while they had to give me loads of medication and blood transfusions and had to put me on a fluid drip because I was really dehydrated and that was really scary but luckily I was okay and now I am fully vaccinated so hopefully I won't catch it again. I think you will definitely learn from your mistakes I feel like some mistakes have to be made in life so you can grow from them Oh they were definitely savage but I love Bly Manor so much and I will watch it so many more times I can't wait for it to come out on DVD!! Like it was heart breaking but so beautiful and we got such an incredible wlw relationship from it and some great representation and I love that!! Would be interesting to see how it would've affected people had Oliver played Jamie though Yeah Alex Turner is from Sheffield which is South Yorkshire so again we have a similar accent but it's different because I am from further North but there are things that we say in a similar way because we’re from Yorkshire just different parts of Yorkshire... there are four Yorkshires: North, East, West, and South haha and all are in the north of England  Yeah I think that’s the case every where I think accents and languages are so interesting and I would love to be able to speak any other language but I only speak English in my school it wasn’t seen as being overly important to learn a language and I have tried learning them since leaving school but I struggle now  There are some American accents I love (Southern and Midwestern) so when I heard Dani speak I was like 😍🥵🥰 because I love that type of accent I have become desensitised to some American accents that are just standard ones from watching so many movies and TV shows but there are some accents that just make me do heart eyes haha  I am hoping it can become a real fic soon but I am struggling with some stuff but keeping hopeful with it!! Awwh no I’m sorry it’s so hard for you I hope it gets better soon that you’re able to get it onto a page!!  I have had such a busy weekend and part of the week had a bit of a busy day today too and looking after my niece again tomorrow not rest for me it would seem but it’s fine I don’t mind keeping busy!! Well happy birthday to her I hope she has a great day!!  Oh yay I’m glad had an okay weekend and that you were able to catch up on the pirate AU and that you already have fan art planned for it- even if no one ever sees that fanart!! No there is no smut in this chapter of MoU some implied smut but no actual smut- there will probably be smut in chapter 9 though because y’know... it’s me haha 😂 

[oddinary-investor]

The How: Companies, Research, and Strategy. (Part 1 of 3)

A story of Sea Limited, Invitae, and Fastly

Ask an athlete how they got where they are now, and you’ll get a very generic “hard work and determination” response. This is not a bad thing, because the answer is someone’s life story. Each athlete got where they were in a unique way and each athlete’s way there was not better or worse than others… Many roads lead to the same place.

So, when I get asked about my approach to growth investing (not an expert < 1 year), I typically give a generic response. Usually not to hide any secrets, but because no one truly wants to see what goes into that. They usually just want a, “I look at blank and blank and invest in it until blank or….”, so I provide that and move on.

But if I am wrong, here’s three examples that illustrate my approach….

My new year’s resolution was to truly grab a path to financial freedom. I kicked around many ideas to make this a reality but settles on the stock market. So, I kept my 401(k) on autopilot and completely forgot about it. I wanted to open a brokerage account that could beat that retirement plan and eventually get to $1,000,00.00 before I retire from the military in 10 years. Bold plan, but I worked on mapping everything out… calculators, formulas, investment approaches, books, YouTube, etc. I was so certain this was possible, but I needed to budget heavily and make sure I could stick to my funding goals.

At the beginning of the year, I thought that focusing on dividend paying stocks would be solid. I would just use those quarterly dividends to buy more shares and over time those dividends would be larger and larger and at 4% average dividends per year, you would passively make $40k a year once a million is hit. I certainly could live with that, so I stacked the top performing dividend yielding stocks. It was a fine approach and once I get to that point dividend investing would be great. I learned quickly that dividend investing keeps you rich, while growth investing makes you rich (yes, debatable… blah blah).

The third week of January I sold every stock I had purchased, which was fine because it was essentially a break even and I would expect partial dividends at the end of the quarter. Now I was on the search to find the next Apple, Google, and Amazon, before anyone else.

January 16, 2020 – Fastly (FSLY) - 24.17 a share

In my search of the next big thing, I wanted to focus on the fastest growth stories I could find. I wanted a strictly technology company that was going to change the world. What I found was… Well, a shit ton of those companies. Like really… It was too simple… I thought I was missing something.  With limited money though, I also needed a way to really focus on choosing the best of these companies. I needed rules to follow, to multiply my money, the quickest way possible. It was in this moment I knew that I made the right choice and though this wasn’t going to be a get rich quick scheme, it certainly could be a get rich quicker plan.

My January “Matt’s Investing Rules” I created during many lunch hours in our conference room at work:

1. Relatively newer SaaS companies that focused on growth over earnings.

I wanted companies that focused on subscription-based customers. I wanted all money from these companies going into growing the company, instead of sitting on cash. I don’t care if a company is profitable if this is the reason.

2.  I wanted a small market cap company.

I like to look at every company as potentially growing ten times. If I can find a great company at $1 Billion market cap, I can assume that getting to $10B would be more likely than investing in Apple and thinking it will get to become 20 Trillion-dollar company. I felt Apple, Google, Amazon, and Microsoft was too easy. They are all amazing and will keep growing and making you money, but I wanted to get the next wave of companies.

3. I simply had to believe in a future with them being important.

This is probably the most important and the reason I developed so many great skills in researching companies. It forced me to watch hours upon hours of videos and presentations of companies (granted 1.5x speed settings) I was interested in. I learned as much as I could about the company and the people in charge of it, for I really liked investing in companies that are founder led. Skin in the game was appealing to me.

With these rules set in place, on January 16th, I found Fastly, Datadog, Zoom, Livongo Health, and Crowdstrike. These have all multiplied many times since then, but I don’t think that’s going to stop anytime soon. With that said, Fastly was the first company that I truly felt connected to… you know, in a weird investing way.

I found these companies, specifically Fastly, by searching for most recent IPOs (Initial Public Offering) and searching for companies that met my three basic rules. Focusing on Fastly alone—

Fastly appeared to me as a gem. A golden ticket, winning lottery number, and a double rainbow all rolled into one stock symbol: FSLY.

I knew little about what the hell they did, besides them being a less than $2 Billion dollar SaaS company, that made the internet run faster. Therefore, rule number three was crucial in developing a bond with each company I invested in. I went to The Motley Fool to read their free articles. Investopedia, Seeking Alpha, and so many other sites. I wanted to know more about this company, but it really seemed like no one really knew what they did. I remember getting exciting and losing sleep, thinking I was some genius and all I wanted was to learn more. I didn’t want to think I was seeing something people were missing to later find out I was the one missing something and lose all my money.

To learn more, I took a very interesting approach. Kidding. I just went their webpage, YouTube account, and Twitter. And out of these three, YouTube was all I needed to validate my belief in this company. Their founder and at the time CEO, Artur Berman was unlike any CEO I’ve ever seen before. Take the time and watch this sub 4-minute video of him years ago talking about how SSDs are important…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7PJ1oeEyGg

He did not come across as someone who wanted to just grow rich from owning a mediocre company.  PowerPoint slides littered with swearing and a total lack of professionalism. He certainly didn’t fit the CEO mold either when it came to looks. He reminded me (still does) of Jobs and Woz combined as one person. I was sold already, foolishly, but I wanted more so I searched all videos featuring the company and Artur.

Artur Bergman IPO Day CNBC on Cloud Computing and Competition:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M57NtJeDKLU

Why Fastly?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0wbl9GlG-E

Obviously, I watched at least 10 more hours of videos from conferences and use cases of their company, but this is just laying out my process--

I could not see how a company that seemed so authentic was so undervalued, though, I had no idea at the time how to value a company. I just knew at the time Snapchat was considered a $13B company and Fastly basically made everything run faster. I felt the use case of Fastly, though underappreciated, was worth far more than the sub $2B market valuation.

I invested in this, along with those other gems found on the 16th of January. Over time, Fastly hardly moved, it was not performing at all. I was expecting quick money and grew frustrated with Fastly. I had seen the likes of Crowdstrike and Zoom grow in share price and for a brief period in time thought I was going to just sell Fastly and put all the money into Zoom at like 75 dollars a share (now obviously above $408 a share now lol). I decided against selling my shares and focused on the long-term goal. What I thought this company could be was still possible. Everything was going according to plan, aside from the price skyrocketing. Fastly taught me patience.- 

February 27th, I told a close friend that Fastly would essentially make him rich… then the stock market collapsed.

March happened and for some reason the crash made Fastly’s stock price collapse. I remember one day it was at or close to $8 dollars a share. Clearly, I was not going to sell the shares at this much of a loss. Instead, I doubled downed. This company had enough cash on hand to make it through a year of expenses. They were a SaaS company so most of their customers had already paid for the year in January. I kept thinking, more like reassuring myself, that Fastly should benefit from work at home. The more people had to rely on the internet, the more Fastly profits. So, at $11 a share, or more than a 50% discount, I purchased 50 more shares. Now I just needed to wait…During the year, Artur Bergman stepped aside from being the CEO of Fastly. He remains with the company but stepped down to focus on the technology and growing the best company. He made the CFO the CEO and it worked out as planned.

Fastly hit $116 dollars a share in August, which made it, at that time, my fist 10x stock. It now sits are $82 dollars a share, which I can live with.

The company is still under $10B dollars of market capitalization. I will continue to hold on and wait for the next 10x… oh and I will be consistently buying more shares.

[najatheangel]

Hello!!! ✨ And here I am again!!hahaha I can't, I really love your ships!!

Can I have a written ship this time? With Nct 127, Exo and Got7, please? 🌸

Here is a description of my personality!

I'm really shy and extremely awkward. I'm not good at expressing myself talking, I speak in a low volume, I get really insecure because of it, and it takes me sometime to open up, so people need to be a little patient to get to know me. Sometimes I fear I'm a pushover because of my shyness and akwardness, although I try my best to not freeze at social interactions ahahha. I have a great fear of hurting people with my words and my actions, so I think a lot before I do something. But I'm actually friendly, I'm always smiling while talking, and I accept everyone with my whole heart. I never judge people, and try to understand every point of view. When I'm comfortable enough, I'm really goofy, playful and unintentionally funny. My friends say I'm an adorable cute little person (but weird and random too). I'm naturally quiet, a good listener,sensitive,kind, understanding,calm and open minded.I always try to be positive. Even though I don't speak much in a discussion, people always ask my for my opinion, and take the things I say seriously. I like making people's life easier and happier, so I'm usually silently doing little daily things for them. The feeling that I'm useful to someone keeps me going. I'm really grateful for everyone who likes me. I prefer to be around chill, fun and simple people, because my mood gets easily influenced by the mood of the people around me. But I'm always up to help everyone. I'm a really simple person, that enjoy simple things. My hobbies are drawing,crafting,painting and cooking (I'm specially into arts). I enjoy reading too, specially detective books. I like staying home, but I don't mind going out with friends to get some food or taking some night walk. I love animals, of all kinds. Hate mean and rude people, conflict, prejudice, injustice. I'm loyal to my friends and family, and value them a lot. I need to be friends first before falling in love. But once I'm in love, I'm selfless, and give my everything. But I enjoy my freedom and privace, so I don't like too jealous people, who want to control everything I do. To me, trust is the most important thing in a relationship.

That's it!

Thank you so much again!

I hope you're doing well! Stay safe, healthy and happy! ✨

Hello love it’s nice too see you again my dear. It was nice getting to know you more. You seem like a very sweet and angelic person. Sorry for the long wait my dear here’s your ship. 😊💫

From NCT 127, I ship you...Taeil

Positive Side: The next Sun & Moon 2.0! Both of your personalities favor and work so well together. When you first meet NCT 127, Taeil was the first member that caught your eye, because of his shining presence and his sense of humor that made you smile so much. After months and months of getting close as friends, it developed into a wonderful love story. The members helped him set up a mini concert at your house singing your favorite sing with backup vocal line Haechan, Jungwoo, Doyoung and Mark. Since Mark is apart of every unit. You’ve gladly accepted his invitation whole heartedly and the rest was history. As far as hobbies, this man will do anything as long as you were apart of it. He would be a big supporter of your artwork and would even ask for a private art class so he can make a portrait of you. And Win win lol. He would even look up art project ideas with you on pinterest and start creating things with you along with Dreamies. Taeil can also be very adventurous by walking with you to the bookstore to buy detective books or take midnight walks at the park. Lastly, when you have your moments he would be the first to knock at your door and not leave your side until he made you smile. He is an affectionate person and would cry with you while cuddling you when you pour your emotions out to him whether good or bad. Although this man is small and acts like a precious baby sometimes, he would be saving all his love for you. 

Negative Side: Once you both started dating, it was still a long yet hard process to adjust to. Whenever it came to dealing with the haters that didn’t support your relationship, it would get to your head sometimes and you would be afraid to get too close to Taeil sometimes so it won’t cause confrontation with the media. One time the small amount of harsh comments led you to ignoring his phone calls and he caught you crying alone in the bathroom which made him upset. He tried to run to you to hug you, but you wanted to deal with this problem alone so he wouldn’t suffer with you. “I’m alright Taeil.” As patient as he normally is, he wanted to respect you by giving your privacy until you felt like you truly needed him. At that point he just sighs and walks in the living room. “Okay, just let me know if you need anything.” 

But...: Later that day you’ve realized it was for the best to confess to Taeil what emotions you’ve kept inside about everything involving your relationship. At the end of the day he was someone you can trust with all your secrets and can get you through this situation. After having the talk with him, he was so understanding and relieved that you finally wasn’t afraid to depend on him anymore. He gave you the tightest hug and the most passionate kiss that night reassuring you that everything was going to be okay as long as he was around. “No matter what part of the world I am, I will always run back to you.”

From Exo, I ship you with...Suho

Positive Side: This man is trying to make you his wifey for lifey. You both share the same goals when building friendships with people, being sweet, taking care of people around them and helping those who are in need. The devolopment of your friendship was so fast, but just like Taeil, becoming a couple was one hell of a ride. Deep down you both loved each other, but wanted to wait until the time was right and you both knew for sure the feeling was mutual. He would be the ultimate gentleman when your going out together, always going to art exhibits with you, taking millions of photos cause your his masterpiece ;) and even attempting to dance with you in public along to their music at the grocery store, but ends up feeling second hand embarrassment. I would too lol, still cute tho. He hardly feels awkward doing those things and just embraces it. He’s even suprised you with your first baby kitten and you both name him Buttercup. Lastly, you both share strong loyalty with each other no matter what. Overall this bond is too powerful and would be hard to tear apart.

Negative side: Suho would also find it hard to separate from you sometimes because he loves being with you most of the time. As far as dealing with your emotions, he wouldn’t want you to hide anything from him whether good or bad. He expects you two share everything together in the beginning of your relationship including thoughts, but it wasn’t that easy. Suho for the most part was understanding, but another part of him couldn’t stand leaving you alone to deal with those problems.

But...: Suho learned that he can’t pressure into speaking from your heart until the time was right. He also learned that he can’t baby you so much, because your his woman not his child or sister. Once you’ve started opening up more to him, he felt like the happiest man alive and gave you the tightest hug shedding tears. “You don’t ever have to deal with this alone, that’s what I’m here for. You got that?” The more comfortable you both communicated about your emotions, the easier it was to release instead of keeping it inside.

Anddd I’m deceased 😭😭👏🏽

From Got7, I ship you with...Youngjae

Positive Side: I remember shipping you with him before visually, but personality wise I ship it 10x harder. First of all, two shy innocent angels falling in love is straight k-drama vibes I’m getting. The more confident you’re around each other, the more flirty you two love birds become. He would always share home cooked meals with you, tell funny stories about how he’s always goofing off with crack7 and have heart to heart talks about any insecurities he has amongst himself. This bucket full of sunshine sometimes have his cloudy days as well and can relate to you in that sense which balances out. If one person was feeling down, the other lifts that person’s spirit up and encourage them to think positively. Youngjae would admire how you would take care of the other members and his cutie baby pup coco. Your the love of his life and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Negative Side: The only problem I can honestly think of is when your both having a bad day, you both tend to keep it to yourselves and not bother the other person about it. You both handle confrontation the same way, but it either can go good or bad. Youngjae on the other hand is worse at dealing with his emotions, because he doesn’t want to be sad infront of you and tends to lie only so you won’t worry about him so much. Once you find out either way your hurting for him and start “It’s not a big deal sweetie, it was just a few hate comments.” “It is a big deal Youngjae, I just can’t sit there and let those mean people do that to you. It’s disrespectful.”

But...: In the end, you don’t want to leave each other wounded and left alone to deal with the pain, so you come into his room leaning your head on his lap rubbing his thigh in silence until he was ready to talk. Even silent treatment would work for you two as long as you were next to each other, anything was possible. What makes it even better is that he’s not upset for too long and attacks you with warm hugs and pepper kisses your cheeks. “What would I do without you y/n? I feel so much stronger and better with you here beside me”

Out of everyone, I ship you with...either Taeil or Youngjae. Again couldn’t decide 😣

@thechoppersan My friend I hope you enjoyed this ship and it made you smile. Feel free to come back anytime angel. 😉☀️

[absoluteindulgence]

Invitations and Reservations

A/N: Hey Guys, this is my first post to my blog. I wrote this story for the lovely, @burnedbyshoto. I got a little anxious sharing this story since the beginning is a tad rough, but please be patient with me while I get back into the groove of good imagery and storytelling. Thank you to all of you that took the time to read it, I appreciate all constructive criticism, and I have made the proper edits.

Pairings: Shouto Todoroki X Fem!Reader

Warnings: Smut, Cursing

Word Count: 6.4K

After graduation from UA High School, there was a halt in the friendship you built with Shouto. He was apart of the hero course and you were nothing but a mere general studies student. Meaning you guys wouldn't always be in the same spaces. During your first year, you would pass by him during lunchtime and you noticed that he would sit by himself frequently. You liked the idea of making new friends and thought that maybe he wouldn’t mind if you interrupted his bubble. One day, you were brave enough to sit with him, but he gave you the cold shoulder and with an icy stare he said, “I don’t need any distractions, you can go.”

You were taken aback by his statement, proceeding to leave him alone. You didn’t think about him until after the sports festival had come to a close and still, you were eager to be his friend. You witness him hanging out with the green-haired boy, known as Deku and his trusted friends. This is your chance! You steadily approach the table with the intent of speaking to Todoroki and creating a bond.

Luckily, he saw you coming already and made room for you to sit next to him on the bench. An exchange of smiles leads to honest conversations with the half hot-half cold quirked boy and his friends. Fast forward to senior year, you two have developed an inseparable bond. However, you remember he is training to be the next top hero. Also realizing that the branch would continue to challenge him and that he will be in high demand. Knowing all of this crippled your heart, and left you to be stagnate during the days he was unavailable to talk. 

You are torn between accepting the role he will play as a hero destined to be the greater embodiment of All Might and also feeling left behind in that journey. Your quirk wasn’t anything special but it was great for memorizing information related to photographic memory with zoomed-in 10x detail. You regretted not getting into the hero course and fell into a small depression. But after spending some time hanging with your G.S. friends at the sports festival, you understood that you weren’t cut out for the work of a hero and enjoyed being behind the scenes.

Onward, you put your mind to exploring the alternatives. Hero firms were your next course of action. You learned pronto that they were very cut-throat but still persevered. After graduation, you went to college away from your quiet, hometown in Japan to learn as much about the hero business. When you came back, a hero firm in the city had you as their number one choice and you executed all tasks they presented.

Proving that you were more than capable, you were boosted with pay and benefits. You settled into the city, with a great space meant for one soul to be comfortable. And work from Monday to Friday. Occasionally weekends if duty calls, but your personal life was still balanced with leisure and relaxation.

One day in the office, your boss told you that there were files that needed correction at the number one hero firm in the country and you were requested specifically. Surprised, you headed over there willing to assist. As you arrived, you saw the hustle and bustle of the greatest heroes at the top firm in Japan taking charge. An entire 180 from your usual workflow. Heroes coming, heroes going.

As your workload for the day was finished and you were leaving the building, a familiar hairdo caught your eye as they entered the building with their head down fidgeting with their hero costume.

"Todoroki-san?" You glance at his suit, giving him a once over from head-to-toe, he's bulked up more since high school.

As he looks up, his face laced in complete surprise. "(______-chan)?" His smile is grand as he walks up to you extending his own arms to pull you into a bear hug.

His hands respectively rested at your waist as you pull him into a close embrace. "It's great to see you!" You let it slip your mind that Shouto operated at the number one firm and didn’t even focus on the other heroes. As soon as you arrived, you were given a room and all the paperwork was directed into your hands.

As you both pull away, his eyes linger on your body. The curves on you were very enticing for business casual attire. “Yeah, I could say the same.” He smirks.

“Did you just finish up for the day?” You ask adjusting your work handbag.

He nods, ”Yeah, I was dropping off my costume, this one happens to be my back up.” He motions to his chest and your eyes flutter.

“Cool, well don’t let me hold you up. I know you want to go home.” You motion as if to start walking but Todoroki caught your right hand with his.

“Hey, (____), wait,” The skin is callous, but deeply earnest bringing about a tinted color of pink on your face. You look into his mismatched eyes.

“Would you like to exchange numbers?” Todoroki starts fiddling with his other hand to reach for his smartphone.

Todoroki always had the same phone number since you knew him, but during his senior year of college, you heard from Mina that his phone number was leaked all throughout Japan. And during that time, he had a harem of girls lusting after him that he couldn’t break free of. The situation led him to switch his number three times, losing your contact each point since then.

You happily agree and exchange numbers. Joking with him, you tell him that your number never changed and he apologetically tells you that he forgot your number after the second time. A small giggle escaped your lips as you tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. You wore it down for today since the weather was sunny with a light breeze.

Shouto goes in for another hug this time tighter, and says, “Please, don’t be a stranger. If possible, I would like to see you again.”

Your heart leaps out your chest and as you pull out of the hug, you peer into his face. Before you can say anything he stammers, “I know it's late and all but if possible, I would like to take you home.”

Still in the embrace, your face flushes and you nod without a word. “Great, give me a moment to put this away. Actually, do you wanna come up with me?” He releases entirely from his grasp and motions to you if you want to take the trip.

You shrug, looking at him in sheer delight just from seeing him again, “At this point, I’m down for anything, Todoroki. I was just gonna go home after.”

He smiles kindly, “Okay. Well, follow me.”

Together, you spend an additional thirty-minutes as he shows you the building. It’s filled with laughter and wonder. After he changes out of his costume and into regular clothes, Todoroki reaches for his keys on the desk. “We can make our way to the parking lot now.”

You reach his vehicle and notice it's a very stylish, new model from the current year. “Let me get your door,” Todoroki jogs to your side of the car. As he opens the door for you, you enter cautiously not to snag your heels on his car mats. Flirtatiously you say, “Wow, what a gentleman.”

He picks up on your flattery, “Thank you, a lovely woman such as yourself will bring it out of me.”

You blush from his reversed flirtation as he enters the driving side. He asks where to and you give him your home address. As he drives, you shift your eyes from the road to look at Todoroki. Several colored lights flash through his face as the two of you ride through the stoplights and reflective signs.

You gaze toward his face, embracing his side-profile. His jawline is more defined, hair is longer, eyes looking worn from the day. For a split second, he makes eye contact with you before focusing on the road. “Are you okay?” His deep voice echoes through the car sending chills down your spine.

Honestly speaking you say to him, “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just looking at you.”

“Oh, you see something you like?” He asks.

You smirk in his direction, “Very much so.”

The rest of the ride is quiet but filled with high levels of tension. It’s not stressing, more like the realization of one’s attraction to the other. Shouto grips the steering wheel holding onto what he’s wanted to say since staring into your eyes at the firm. He takes a slow and steady breath, his jaw tensing up as he does. Stealing glances of him and breathing the same air made you come to grips that your crush on Todoroki is not completely over. You want to see more of him.

Finally, you reach your apartment complex. Your body stills as he parks the vehicle on the street near the sidewalk entrance to your building. You can’t bring yourself to leave the car. There’s so much you’ve wanted to say to him since high school and now that you’re here with him you’re frozen. 

“Listen (____),” Shouto breaks the silence, ”I’m truly happy that I bumped into you.” He stares into your own eyes. “It’s the highlight of my day.”

His smile gazes deep within you, pulling a heartstring. Boldly, you lean over to his side of the car, caressing the left side of his face to turn to you. Leaning closer to massage your lips to his. The kiss was slow and passionate. His hand rubs your thigh while the other pulls you closer to him by your waist. A groan escapes his lips as a heavy breath leaves your nostrils. You’re not ready to end the kiss, you grab a handful of his hair to stop him from pulling away. But he had no intention of doing so.

The lip-locking gets rough and creates a lack of oxygen and you both pull away just to catch one’s breath. You sit back holding your hand to your chest. Looking over at him, his eyes haven’t left your mouth. His eyes trail down to your body then back to your eyes. Your chest was exposed showing a delightful amount of cleavage in your cotton-like, v-neck blouse. He bites his lips in desire.

“Do you want to come upstairs?” You ask him softly, almost louder than a whisper. “I know it's late. But, I wouldn’t want you to drive home if you’re exhausted.”

Shouto’s face heats up, the question caught him off guard. Looking at you, he sees that you’re a little flustered asking him but he knows that you’re worried about his well-being and that you always have been. He nods and as you two find better parking. You head upstairs and immediately apologize for any mess left out in your haze to get ready for the day. He assures that you don’t need to apologize.

Unlocking the door, you promptly take your high heels off and slip on your comfortable and plush house slippers. “Please make yourself at home.” You plop onto your camel-colored couch releasing a sigh.

Shouto sits next to you, he's looking a little stiff but relaxes when by your side. His eyes linger again to your exposed cleavage as you lean back taking a deep breath. His eyes widen from watching your chest rise and fall.

You look at him asking, "Are you thirsty?"

He jumps thinking he’s been caught staring, "Uh yeah, I am." He blinks away quickly.

You stand up to walk around the corner and enter your kitchen. "Anything in particular? Juice or tea? Maybe wine?"

He shouts over his shoulder, "Wine is fine."

You pull out the red wine from your fridge and let the door close on its own as you open your cabinet to your wine glasses.

After carefully holding the glasses in your hands, you walk your way back into the living room and set the bottle down along with the glasses. He separates the two and asks if he can pour, you accept as he unwraps the bottle. You forgot the bottle opener and strut back to the kitchen to retrieve it. With another plop onto the couch, your thigh brushed against his.

It was an accident but you’re not rushing to move. The warmth from his leg is comforting and you feel calm against his body heat. You haven’t been this close to him in so long and it shows as you exhale softly relishing in Todoroki’s company. He hands you a wine glass and you thank him graciously. He works the cork out of the bottle and pours it into your glass then his.

“I would like to make a toast between the two of us.” His deep voice echoes through your modern themed apartment.

“Let’s hear it” You grin in his direction.

“To the odds of us meeting again,” He stares into your eyes, “Had I not taken a late shift patrolling, I wouldn’t even be here right now.”

Your smile is evident to him, “True, but also my boss made this possible.”

“How so?”

“He told me your firm needed me today. You guys were backed up with months of paperwork.”

“Really? The things they don’t tell me.” He rubs his head, bewildered.

“Well as apart of the top five heroes in Japan the last thing they want to do is worry you with problems they could give to another. You already keep the city safe.”

“Yeah, although that’s odd. How did you fair out?”

“I finished it all.”

“What?”

“I fixed all the hitches.”

“In a single day?”

“Yes,” you giggle, “Can we drink now?”

Shouto’s thrown off-guard but wastes no time clinging your glass and taking a long gulp. It seems as if he’s needed this drink. Your sip matches his as you make eye contact with him. You stir the wine coating the glass. The wine is sweet and smooth as it glides down your tongue. He sets his glass down on your see-through, glass coffee table.

“So please, tell me how you managed to finish months of work in a day.”

You tease him, “With hard work.”

For the next hour, you and Todoroki are reconnecting and sharing what’s happened in your personal lives. Sharing experiences from college, reminiscing when you both attended UA asking who you still speak with from your classes. Although you weren’t apart of class 1A you were able to become close friends with Mina and Toru. The three of you would go shopping, and at times you would have to remind Mina what matches since you were the most fashionable of the three.

Todoroki was able to keep in contact with most of 1A, except Mineta. He shared several stories after becoming a hero. Some made you laugh and the others shocked you. He showed a couple of battle scars that smoothed onto his arms and chest with time. You pretended that you didn’t like the view of his bare chest for mere seconds but it was obvious to Todoroki when you were tracing his abs. The conversation continued to flow and you whole-heartedly felt fortunate.

A yawn escaped Shouto’s mouth. “Oh man, I wore you out didn’t I?” You ask clearing the coffee table of the two large wine bottles you two dusted off with ease.

“No, I’m just very comfortable.” He smiled sleepily.

You smirk, “Well if you like my couch, you’ll definitely like my bed.”

“What?” His head shot up to look at you.

“I’m too tired to sleep by myself. Do you want to cuddle?”

You two have been drinking since stepping foot into your apartment not making any flirtatious moves to progress the night into something else. But liquor of any form is considered as a truth serum. And for once you said exactly what was on your mind.

Through tipsy duo-colored eyes and a bright pink face, “Yes.” Finally came out of Shouto’s mouth.

You reached your hand out to hold his, he extends to touch yours and you lift him off the couch to lead him to your bedroom. Immediately, Shouto’s eyes widen as he sees how dainty your room is. He’s lost in the scent of lavender and can tell that you took pride in decorating your room. You guide him to sit on your queen-size bed as you finally strip out of your blouse and tight skirt.

“Hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been wearing this all day,” Motioning to your outfit of the day. You strut near your dresser wearing nothing but a bra and panties looking for pajamas. You turn your head to tell Shouto to get comfortable and gaze upon the half-hot, half-cold man to see him steaming. His eyes haven’t left your body since entering your room.

Your laugh fills the room, “Shouto, can you get comfortable?” 

“Are you sure you want me to stay in here as you’re changing?” His voice sounding drunker than he looked.

“Yes!” You smile tenderly throwing him oversized grey sweats, “Don’t worry they’re mine.”

He catches the pants in his hands, shrugs, and changes into them with no other words. You head to your bathroom just to remove any makeup from your face and quickly do your skincare night time regimen. “Hey, Shouto!” You call out to him while moisturizing your face.

“Yeah, (_____)?”

“You wanna be the little spoon or the big spoon?” You playfully asked him the question as you once had during a time back at UA, he didn’t know what you meant and couldn’t tell you what he wanted. You let it go after seeing his confused face. You walked your way back into your bedroom and came to a pause. Behold, Shouto completely stripped from his regular clothes into the grey sweatpants and no shirt.

At that moment, you wished you were born with four eyes like one of your general studies friends. You needed a better vision of the perfect symmetry of his abs and the bulge forming in his pants. You can't force your quirk to just focus on one part of his body at a time, it was unfair!

For once, your body moves faster than your mind. Inebriated, you walk over to him stumbling over your own legs. Standing in front of him, still in your underwear, you press your lips to his and lock your arms around his neck. Pushing your body closer to mold into him. The kiss is sloppy yet filled with passion.

You inhale his scent through your nose and softly nibble against his bottom lip. Shouto groans against you swiftly, flipping you onto the bed, gently laying on top of you taking in the beauty of your body. You smile under his stare.

His gaze intense while his lips were intoxicating as they collided with yours repeatedly. Dominating your body and touching anywhere his hands would permit. You hook your arms over his shoulders to pull him close. You track love bites up and down his neck and behind his traps.

His exhale is heavy as it tickles the hairs on the back of your neck. Your moan causes closer contact with Shouto's chest. You're internally dying to feel more of him. You can't wait anymore as your hands unhook from behind his back, to trail to the sides of his sweats. You're in the process of slowly sliding them down as Shouto grabs your right hand.

"Big spoon." His voice is husky this time as they stare into your eyes and it feels like an hour under his gaze. He rolls off of you pulling you close from your waist.

You're bewildered, to say the least. But glad that he found out what the terminology meant. However, the bear hug wrapped around your feminine frame causes multiple sensations. The back of your neck thrilled by his breath, the warm vibrations of his soft snores, and your fingers following the veins on his arms.

I did say I wanted to cuddle…

You mentally facepalm yourself and utter out a tiny giggle. Shouto softly stirs at your voice and you snuggle closer to him.

_____________

Every third Friday night and fourth Saturday of the month you would meet. In the evening it was an upscale restaurant with the finest wine and a remarkable view. Whether the food was splendid depended on the face you made after the third bite. He would look at you and smile wondering if you're enjoying yourself. A smile would indicate 2 bottles of wine and another great conversation.

You would usually catch Todoroki up on the weeks that he didn't see you since phone calls were short and they mostly consisted in confirmation that the other finally reached home. After hero work from different fields, those would be the only words you two could muster to say.

The way you would describe the days was as if it had just happened 5 minutes ago and he admired that about you. Your memory was impeccable and he couldn't differentiate whether that was apart of your quirk or just how you were. Your eyes would light up talking to Shouto as he would stare at you with the most gentle smile.

“So that’s what happened on my end, as usual, I handle what my boss throws at me with ease and keep my cool the whole time.” A grin grows on your face as you swirl your wine glass coating the sweetly, dry alcohol.

“I see, (____), It’s one of the things I like most about you. You're cool-headed in any situation.” He grins, “You know, my offer still stands. I could get you a better position at my firm.”

“I know, but they need me. If I leave, I know they’ll go under.” You shrug with a soft chuckle.

The two of you, look at each other intently, from across the table. Eyes laced with an intense amount of zeal.

Your waiter for the night comes over asking if you're ready to order. It's their fourth time asking and the two of you finally order some food. You're always particular about what to get. You have gone to enough restaurants to make executive decisions on what to indulge upon. And aside from a delectable entree, you had other plans for your mouth.

The true goal of the night was to take Todoroki home and finish where you left off a month ago.

As you wait for the food to arrive, you build on your last conversation regarding bumping into Hagakure and Ojiro.

One of your Saturday dates, Shouto took you to a candy-infused cafe that had a variety of different sweets. You gawked hard at your favorites, mouthwatering damn near. You made a turn to the right and bumped into what you thought was the glass window. But the hypothetical window yelped and you recognized that voice instantly.

“I honestly thought it was the window or that I might have leaned too close to the candy cases.” You chuckle thinking back on your tunnel vision.

He returns the amusement, “She was highly happy to see you. And wanted to spend as much time as possible before we left. ”

“Good thing she saw us together, made her back off instantly.” You take another sip of wine, “What makes matters worse is, Ojiro lost her.”

“But as soon as he found her, coddle city.”

"Right, He just let her get whatever she wanted from the shop to make up for it." You laugh.

"How's that any different from me?" Shouto smirks his lips curves deviously.

You pause for a moment, analyzing his words. Since that day, he's made sure to be there for you whenever he could. The days never went without hearing his voice, or him just knowing you didn't eat your whole shift. He respected your workflow and just wanted to lighten your load.

"Mmmm touchè, good sir". You playfully cross your arms. “But you’ve never lost me.”

“That’s not true,” He said. “I lost you for five years.”

Since your impromptu-turned-heated hangout, he always sent you lunch to your office. Sometimes, just for you other times, your entire office. Showing his gratitude to the firm who saw your potential and hired you.

“And now we’re here.” You smiled curtly.

The restaurant was extravagantly laced with gold trimming on the walls, tables, and chairs. The silverware its self had to be of a high carat too along with the cleanest and most prim plates ever gawked at. The high ceilings gave off the effect of endless beauty and royalty. You’ve only heard of the accolades given to this establishment but didn’t expect yourself to be seated in it.

Your food finally made its way to your table, as soon as your plate was presented, you wasted no time. You took your three make-or-break bites submerged with flavor. Another mouthwatering selection causing you to beam. Locked in the warmth of your enjoyment, Shouto looked on at his sweetheart. Pleased to see your own satisfaction.

There was no discussion but the two of you were certain to feel each other's warmth again. With your schedules lining up to be free for the entire weekend, you planned to take advantage.

As the night progressed, you were already in his car heading back to your apartment. It took fifteen minutes to actually start driving. The satin dress carving your body had Shouto's hands all over you. Cupping your ass, rubbing his hands rough on your hips, his mind trailing into another atmosphere as your lips touch. Indulging in the warmth of each other without being nude… yet.

The time to get into your apartment was shorter than the attention span of a squirrel. You two emptied the possibilities of extra movements and conversation making it known how you want to end tonight.

In passing by your living room, Shouto presses tattoo kisses along your neck and shoulders. His big calloused hands are wrapped tight around your waist, his grip is demanding and needy, “(______), I want you.” His deep voice ringing in your ears as you moan slightly from the heat.

You unravel yourself out of your jacket letting it fall wherever allowing Shouto to guide you into your bedroom. The scent of his body brings you a familiar euphoria. The dampness of your heat forming more as you strip him out of his shirt.

With little instruction, Shouto watches you unbutton him straight down. He looks at your sensual form, packed of lust. His large hands resume roaming the lower part of your body stripping you of your dress, cupping your ass in the process. As he rolls it up, you arch against his touch pushing your breasts into his face.

He takes the opportunity to grab hold of them and place kisses in between where they meet. Your heart beats fast and the blood in your body rushes to your head causing you to become lightheaded. As you fall back, Todoroki lifts you up as you wrap your legs around his waist.

He turns his body around to lay you down onto the bed. His movements are calculated and gentle.

As he lets you go, you shuffle slowly, needy for his touch. You look up at him, his chest heaves slow, you watch him unbuckle his belt then work on his pants.

"You look so fucking delicious." The color pink paints your face heavily as Shouto praises you.

Your sexy, disheveled body looks up to meet the man who had given you wet dreams since you let him into your apartment the last time. When he left in the morning, you relished in his scent, making your mind go within complete desire mode. You edged yourself for the moment that he would be in your bed again.

“Take off that dress, those panties and spread your legs for me, baby.” His order rung loud and clear into your head.

Automatically, you start to follow his directions moving incredibly slow. Making sure to expose your body beautifully. Securing his attention, your eyes strayed to his growing bulge, your little strip show turning him on further. Tonight you wore a lacy thong that hugged your curves, laying back onto your bed you slid them off. Not necessarily were you double-jointed but your body was in mint condition for abstract activities.

As you spread your legs wide, a deep sigh leaves Shouto’s mouth. He’s kneeling off your bed as you’re at the edge and rubs your calves all the way down to your inner thighs close to your pussy. So close that you feel the heat of his breath on you. The huffs cause shivers to travel down and through your body and cause you to squirm.

He chuckles, “Don’t move, Gorgeous. I’m enjoying the view.”

If you could melt into your bed.

The pleasure of him staring into your sex and the air flowing through it sending you over the edge. Before you can protest his tongue is spiraling quickly onto your clit. It’s so fast that it prompts your knees to buck in the air, Shouto is steps ahead of you pushing your legs back into formation. The grip is overwhelming as he goes to town on you.

Fortunately, you’re not shy to reveal your pleasure and moan under his tongue tricks. As he focuses further on your clit with kisses and nibbles, you wail loudly gripping his hair whilst in between you. Your pants and cries ammunition as he brings one of his hands close entering two fingers into your wet wonderland.

“Shouto!” Your cry echoes through your room, fulfilling your passion. Your body tingles under his grip, legs shaking, toes curling and eyes closed shut.

He revels in the way your body reacts to his mouth, making him even more tempted to take you down and make you feel his cock buried deep into your womb. Your waist rolls onto his face until the pressure on your clit is unbearable. His fingers roughly pressed into your g-spot sending you over the edge. You open your eyes to stare into Shouto’s with a pleading look.

With a broken whisper, you ask, “Can I cum?”

Shouto looks at your pleading body continuing the stimulation on your wet, deserving twat. You assume it’s on purpose as you ask a little louder, moreover that plea goes unanswered too. The sensation is closing in on you and you can’t restrain yourself any longer. “Shouto, please let me cum!”

Your begging comes in crystal clear now, the grip on your thighs tightened as Shouto hums into your clit with agreeance to your awaiting release. The vibration alone sends you over the edge as his thick fingers pump into your heat swiftly. Your leg muscles tense as you deliver the final shiver coming onto his fingers. Your moans are soft, your breathing’s delicate riding out the waves of your orgasm.

With a long exhale, you position yourself to pull Shouto onto the bed flipping your body on top of him. There’s no way you would let yourself be outdone by just by his delicious tongue. You craved more and would get more. Slowly you grind your heat onto his clothed, thick dick. The friction between your sex and his boxers stopping you from clenching around him.

“You think you’re so good, don’t you?” You straddle him.

“Well, I do believe you just came.” He smirks, “And very quickly, I might add.”

You return the look, giggling to yourself. Slowly, you slide down to rest in between his legs, sliding his boxers down in the process. Shouto’s dick bounced out of the elastic band, making an official debut. Your ogling didn’t go unnoticed either.

“Are you scared?” His face was overly smug.

Ignoring him, you lowered your mouth timidly, making him think he was right. Slowly leaving kisses, and tiny licks around his tip.

“It’s okay to say so-”

You were merciless in fitting his whole dick down your saturated throat. Gag reflexes working incredibly as Shouto sits up to jab more of himself in you. You moan from the force as he relaxes from the sudden motion. You pull yourself from him for a moment to spit on his thick cock. With a groan, your tongue spirals along his length moving faster than the two of you can process.

Your determination is smooth and precise as you grip him with both hands to clutch his manhood. His groan is louder with obscenities escaping his mouth. It only brings you further to stretch your jaw out and slurp him like you’re going to suck him dry.

“Fuck you’re so rough. I love it, keep going baby” Shouto ragingly, growls.

His dick twitches within your mouth and that’s the signal to keep going since he’s close, you’re back to deep throating him while spinning your tongue around his cock. More vulgarities leave Shouto’s mouth as his hands’ trail to your head, as he weakly caresses your hair.

You swat him away and push your head further down his length. Your heat drenched from all the friction in your esophagus. The speed you keep causes Shouto to cum in your mouth. Some shooting down your throat and the rest filling your mouth and spurting out down the side.

You grip him for last time pushing up more of his seed into your mouth. His groan was heaven to your ears as you took your mouth off him. Pushing your body up from between his legs, you look deeply into his stunned and dumbfounded face, returning his overly smug look wiping the side of your mouth.

“I know how to slay a dragon.”

Shouto’s eyes widen at your overly sexual frame, the need to ravage you even deeper. He motions for you to come closer to him. You slowly crawl your body over his, your drenched pussy lining up with his girthy cock. Gently, you glide your heat up and down his shaft until you angle your hips to slide him into you. You throw your head back feeling the ultimate wave of pleasure, letting out a harsh moan.

The man under you gripped your thighs tightly, twitching his dick within in you causing minimal jerks of your own body. "Fuck, you're so tight, (_____)".

You softly coo, looking at him. His messy hair and mouth gaped open sent chills down your spine. How could this man be so fine with his overly lewd words?

Resting your hands on his broad chest, you softly exhale as you slowly swivel your hips. The movement is excruciatingly slow, as your pussy gets well acquainted with Shouto's girth.

With more comfort, your swivels become rapid as you feel undeniable satisfaction riding him. Your eyes roll to the back of your head as your ass collides repeatedly against his defined thighs.

The smacks growing more powerful, amplified in your classy, apartment complex. Your moans intermingling within Shouto’s grunts and growls as he controls your hips to slam onto his dense length. Eager to keep his pace, you work your thighs out to bounce with everything you have.

The moves are no longer graceful as the intensity is matched, so focused that you don’t realize that you two are sliding off the bed. Shouto’s foot dangles off your bed as your bodies contort to keep form. You roll your nipples between your hands while arching your back. Your body overly excited pushing you to your limit.

Shouto feels your pussy clench and yanks your body close to him. His left arm wraps around your waist as he lifts you. Raising you off the bed, he stands up to dig his cock inside of you. Legs spread, he pumps into you while standing. You grasp onto his shoulders letting out crazed cries. You shriek consistently echoing his name over and over.

“That’s right baby, who’s about to make you come again?”

Your pussy clenches around him talking dirty to you, “YOU!” You moan feeling the heat of his breath tickle the back of your neck.

His cock thrusts, penetrating your g-spot causing you to wail. The pressure of his girth nearing your second orgasm. Thighs shaking, the smell of sweat in his hair and his tensed muscles close to your body gave off the most intoxicating feel that no bottle of wine could ever match.

The coil burning passionately within your heat prompts your nails to dig into Shouto’s shoulder blades, moans reverberating through the room.

“Do you need to cum, Gorgeous?”

Your head shakes rapidly in compliance against his body. 

“I want to hear you say it, baby.” Shouto turns his head to lick and bite at your neck, showing no mercy as his tongue revolves anywhere it can reach.

You choke on your gasp, “Yes Shouto, I want to cum!”

Next, your body flipped back onto the bed, face down, ass up. Shouto fills you up, digging deep into you. His body moves rashly and animalistic making you grip your satin sheets. The burning coil has finally snapped and you’ve released your orgasm onto your desired person’s cock.

Shouto chases after yours, ejecting his cum into your snug pussy. You shudder as your legs can no longer hold you up. You fall to your side, head hitting one of your pillows. Your legs visibly tremble, bringing Shouto to a low chuckle as he climbs behind you to nestle yourself into him.

“You want more, (_____)?” He teases you.

Your face is flustered, “Shut up, big spoon.”

Shouto smiles against you, trailing kisses from behind your shoulder.

Slowly, you fell into a safe slumber wrapped his arms.

Leaving the cleanup, for the morning.

[earfquak3]

FLUFF alphabet - e.d.

Summary: Just a cute little fluff alphabet with Ethan

Warnings: none except a whole lot of fluff

Word count: 1963

A = Affection

Ethan absolutely loves showing affection. He does it all the time. Maybe he’s holding your hand, or kissing your cheek, but this boy always has to touch you in some way.

B = Baby

He obviously wants kids some day. Ever since he saw you play with his baby cousin at Christmas, he can’t get the idea out of his head. He wonders if it’ll have your sparkling eyes and his cute nose, or your beautiful, wavy hair and his pink plump lips. No matter what, he knows he’ll love that baby forever.

C = Cuddling

You already know this boy loves his cuddles. He might not want to admit it but this boy loves cuddling (and being cuddled). On the couch, in the car, in bed or on a beautiful flower field. It doesn’t matter where, but this boy will cuddle. He loves to wrap you in his big, strong arms, and pull you into his chest. You guys spend hours just laying in each others arms, talking about all and nothing.

D = Dates

You guys go on dates all the time. Wether it’s small dates at home in bed, or fancy ones in the expensive Hollywood restaurants. You have mandatory date night every Saturday, because it’s very important for the both of you that you spend time together. It also really helps, if you’ve had a stressfull week.

E = Equality

You can’t really say that any of you wears the pants in the relationship. You’re very good at making mutual decisions, but sometimes you use the ‘puppy eyes’ card, to get your way. Even though it’s pretty equal, who makes the call, Ethan is the dominant one when it comes to the bedroom;)

F = First ‘I love you’

Ethan was the one who said it first. He had randomly blurted it out, while you guys were having a playfight. At first you thought you heard wrong, but after looking into his eyes, and seeing that there were nothing but love, you knew it was true. Now you don’t go a day without saying it at least once. You’re very verbal when it comes to love, because one of your biggest fears, is losing someone you love.

G = Grayson

Grayson is your best friend. You love him just as much as you love Ethan, but in a friendly way (obviously). You three do everything together, and you know each other inside out. People often ask Ethan if he ever gets worried, that Grayson will steal you away from him, but the answer is always no, because Ethan knows you're his, and so do you.

H = Holding hands

Whenever E is close to you, he has to hold your hand. It doesn’t even have to be like full on hand holding, it can just be holding onto one of your fingers, while you're strolling through target. Or playing with your fingers while you're watching a movie, on a stormy night. Also when you're making love, he finds himself reaching for your hand, when he’s nearing his high. Ethan is, and will always be, a sucker for holding hands.

I = Impressions

Ethan was blown away from the first time he saw you. The second he laid his eyes, on that beautiful face, he knew you would spend the rest of your lives together. Of course you thought he was just another fuck boy at first, but as you got to know him, you learned that he’s actually the sweetest kid ever.

J = Jokes

As we know, Ethan loves pulling pranks. Wether it’s on you, Grayson or some third person, he’s always doing some sort of prank. He once pulled a cheating prank on you, and you got so sad he completely stopped pulling pranks on you. Poor Grayson has to take twice as many now:(

K = Kissing

Ethan is always in for a kiss. Doesn’t matter if it’s a full on make out session, or if it’s just a quick peck on the cheek. Ethan loves your lips, and he’s not afraid to show it. 90% of his photos on instagram, are of you kissing, so I think it’s safe to say that he doesn’t care about PDA.

L = LA

You guys love LA, you really do, but sometimes it’s just nice to get away from everything for a while. Sometimes you go on roadtrips to beautiful places, and other times you fly back to New Jersey for a little time out.

M = Memories

You love making memories together. Like that night Ethan woke you up at 3 am, to go on a hike to the Hollywood sign. Or that time when he tried to bake you a cake for your birthday, but ended up almost burning the kitchen down, so you and Gray had to buy a cake from Target.It doesn’t even have to be big moments, like when he asked you to be his girlfriend, it can also be small moments, like when you came home from a long day of work, and Ethan had done all the laundry even though it was your turn. It’s not always the big things that stick. Sometimes the smaller they are, the more we remember them.

N = No

Ethan can hardly say no to his princess. She doesn’t have to use the puppy eyes that often, before he gives in completely. But he can’t help it. This girl has him wrapped around her finger, and he knows it.

O = Orange

Whenever you’re with Ethan, it’s like you're exploding with colors. Even on the darkest, most grey days, he manages to get all the colors to shine through. Your cheeks turn pink at the smallest things, and when you kiss, it’s like you can taste the rainbow.

P = Polaroids

Apparently it’s not enough to document, all the stuff you guys do on video, but Ethan has his baby blue polaroid camera with him at all times. He always catches the moment. He keeps all the pictures in a box under the bed. It has all kinds of photos. You cuddled all up in a blanket after you had fallen asleep on his lap, or a picture of you post-sex with wild hair, and a huge grin plastered on your face. 

Q = Questions

Being in the spotlight, you guys are constantly being asked tons of questions. Like if you’re engaged, or if it’s true that Ethan was spotted coming up with a chick at the beach yesterday (which was actually you). One time someone started a rumour that you were pregnant, after you posted a picture of you in your sweats. Needless to say the media had a field day that day.

R = Reassure 

Ethan had always been very insecure, so you constantly had to reassure him that you loved him, and only him, whenever you would get too friendly with a guy, for his liking. Although that’s just another reason why you love him.

S = Sad

Just like good days, bad days are bound to happen. We all have our ups and downs, but you guys are just lucky enough, that you have each other, so you don’t have to go through the tough times alone. The other person is always there, welcoming with open arms. It’s not always easy getting up after falling down, but it’s 10x easier when you have someone else to help you.

T = Trips

You guys love to go on trips. Ethan got this stupid idea from pinterest, that he’ll kiss you in every continent (so far you’ve kissed on 4). You also have a map in your room, where you put a red pin in all the places you’ve visited together, and your goal is to fill out as many as possible. Travelling is always fun, but it’s 10x better when you do it with someone you love.

U = Universe

You used to be one of those girls who thought love at first sight and soulmates were bullshit, but after you met Ethan you’re certain all of it is true. It’s like you’ve been missing a piece of yourself all your life, but when you met Ethan you finally felt whole. He was that missing piece., and you're sure you're meant to be.

V = Vaunt

Ethan loves to show you off. He wants everyone to know you're his baby, and oh boy they sure do. When you're in public he makes sure you're always within arms reach, and whenever you do something, he's always the one cheering the loudest. He's your biggest supporter and everyone knows it. And of course it never hurts if he makes sure to leave a hickey or two before you leave the house;)

W = Wedding

Ethan is convinced you're going to get married, and you are too. He doesn’t know when, but he knows that he’s going to make you his forever. Sometimes he catches himself looking at wedding rings through a store window, or he finds himself looking for venues. He can’t help but imagine how it’ll be on that unforgettable day. You would be wearing a beautiful white dress, gorgeous as ever, and he’ll get tears in his eyes when you walk down the aisle. You’ll dance to your favourite song, and when the wedding is done, and all the guests have left, you’ll go back to the hotel, and you’ll stay up for hours talking about all and nothing. Ethan isn’t certain about a lot of things in life, but on thing he does know, is that you’ll be together forever.

X = Xylophone

You had always been a fan of Harry Styles, ever since the one direction days, so when Ethan heard he was playing in LA, he rushed to buy tickets. You got them for your birthday, and you almost started crying out of excitement (let’s just say Ethan definitely got a thank you for the gift if you know what I mean) When the day finally came, and you were about to leave to the venue, you were almost bursting with excitement. Ethan couldn’t help but smile at how cute you were. You sang your heart out to every single song he played, but one song stuck with you more than the others. When Harry was singing Meet me in the hallway, Ethan couldn’t help but stare at you. You were just so beautiful, how did he get so lucky? When you looked back at him with those beautiful eyes of yours, he knew that he loved you. At first you were shocked that he said it, of course you loved him back, but it was just so unexpected. You almost burst into tears, and grabbed his face and kissed him. You don’t think you've said ‘I love you* as many times as you did that night. That song will always hold a special place in your heart.

Y = yearning

Ethan is very clingy, so he has a hard time staying away from you for too long. One time you went away for two days, and he called you, crying and saying that he missed you, on the first night. Of course you would rather spend time in your boyfriends arms, than be at a boring college lecture, but Ethan takes it to a whole new level. But of course that’s just one of the reasons why you love him.

Z = Zebra

Ethan has always been a big pet fan, as well as you. You always talked about getting a pet, but that was kinda hard with Grayson in the house. But you guys made a deal that when you had your own house, you would buy all kinds of pets. Even a zebra!

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Sweet Pea//Pretty Girl

Request: I’ve never been able to read anything with someone who has the same condition as me and you don’t have to do this by any means it may be difficult but plus size reader with hiadradenitis supperativa x sweet pea where like he just chills with them when they are in pain or like maybe when she tells him and he’s like hey it’s okay I don’t see you any different or soemthing

“Babe?” Your boyfriend’s familiar voice pulled you from your thoughts and you quickly looked around the mess of your room. You caught your appearance in the mirror and silently cursed, your eyes were red, your face was blotchy and people from the next town over could tell that you’d been crying. Quickly, you wiped the tears from your face and stood up. Pulling the baggy shirt and pants so they were more comfortable. 

“Sweet Pea?” You forced a smile. “What are you doing here?” You asked. 

“I came to see my girl.” He kissed you sweetly and you smiled softly. “You’re mom let me in, she said you hadn’t come out your room in a few days, and if anybody was gonna cheer you up, it would be the best boyfriend in the world. Aka...me.” He pointed to himself before jumping on your bed. “Soooooo, why have you been hiding away in your bedroom. We all miss you.” 

“Oh ya know.” You shrugged and sat beside him, wincing slightly. “Just been busy with homework and stuff.” 

“We have no homework, its summer!” He said excitedly. “Oh, speaking of summer, Cheryl and Toni are planning ar pool party soon, so get your bathing suit ready.” 

“Ohhhhhh.” You said anxiously. “I don’t think I can go to that.” 

“You don’t know when it is.” He said. 

“I know.” You nodded. Think woman, think. Why can’t you go to the pool party other than the fact that everybody is either gonna laugh and you or think your gross. “I can’t go because...I can’t...swim?” 

“Yes you can.” He laughed. “I’ve seen the little certificates you get when you learn to swim. On the Southside we just get chucked in the river when we’re 9 by the older Serpents and we have to figure out how to get ourselves out. We do get a little certificate but its more a little piece of paper saying ‘done’ that we have to carry around so we don’t get thrown in again. 9 times out of 10 you do get thrown in again.” He said casually and you looked at him, unsure of what to say. 

“Erm. Its nice that they give you a piece of paper.” You replied and he nodded. 

“I suppose so. So why can’t you go really. And please don’t lie to me.” He said seriously and you could feel the tears coming again. “You’ve already been avoiding me, and now you’re lying to me. Have I done something? Are you cheating on me? Is that you’re not going to the party, are you gonna spend the day with some other guy?” He rambled. 

“No Sweet Pea.” You shook your head. “I’m not cheating on you.” You reassured him. “I’m surprised one guy wants me let alone two.” 

“What?” He asked. 

“Nothing.” 

“What’s all that stuff?” He asked and pointed to the dozens of bottle/boxes on the drawers in the corner of your room.

“Oh, just some medication.” You replied as casually as possible. “I have a little cold.” 

“Its the middle of summer.” He said, raising an eyebrow. 

“Yeah.” You nodded. “I know. How me to get a cold in the middle of summer.” You tried to play it off. Please drop it, you pleaded in your head. 

“But do you really need this much?” He asked and stood up, walking towards them. Please sit down, please sit down. “Half of this stuff I’ve never heard of. Doxy-doxyc-yeah, I can’t even pronounce that one.” 

“Doxycycline.” You said. 

“Yeah.” He nodded. “And all of these bandages.” 

“Gauze.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Out of everything on there I would have thought you’d know what gauze is.” 

“Why?” He asked confused.

“Because of all the injuries you get.” You replied. 

“Oh yeah.” He laughed a little and you shook your head. He may be an idiot sometimes but at least he isn’t talking about whats up anymore. 

“Sooo, are you gonna tell me what these are for? Because I know for a fact you don’t need gauze for a cold.” 

Maybe you spoke too soon.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” You mumbled and he walked quickly to you. 

“What babe? Why?” He asked and sat beside you. 

“I just don’t.” You started to sob and he stared at you confused for a few seconds. 

“Okay.” He nodded and wrapped his arms around you. “We don’t have to.” He told you, squeezing you, making you cry in pain quietly. “What?!” He pulled away from you. “What did I do.” 

“Nothing babe.” You shook your head. “I’m fine.” 

“Are...are you sure?” 

“Kinda.” You nodded. The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes. Sweet Pea’s hands were squeezing yours reassuringly, and he was whispering sweet things in your ear while you quietly sobbed. “I have Hidradenitis suppurativa.” Your mouth had spoken before your brain had had a chance to realize what it was doing, and you quickly pulled away from him, looking at your bedding instead of your boyfriend. 

“Is that bad?” He asked sadly, moving towards you. 

“Kinda, but not really. I’m not dying if thats what your worried about.” You mumbled. 

“Okay. Well, thats something.” He said awkwardly and in true Sweet Pea fashion. He grabbed your hands again, stopping them from playing with the loose strings from your duvet. “Tell me what it is then. I’m listening.” He said and smiled reassuringly at you. You looked at him for a few seconds, his smile making you feel slightly more at ease. 

“Well, its a skin condition. Do you know how you can see a few of my scars when I wear certain clothing?” You asked. 

“Yeah?” 

“Well, I wasn’t a clumsy kid. I mean I kinda was but not that bad. There from what I have. They basically start as like spot type things that are 10x worse than actual pimples and they burst and stuff. Its kinda gross.” You sighed. 

“Its not gross.” He shook his head. “Not at all.” He added and tilted your chin with his finger. “You’re beautiful. No matter what.”  

“Whatever. You’ve never even seen them.” 

“I don’t have to see them. I know you’re beautiful. Why do you think I’m dating you? I’m a very shallow person you know.” He tried to lighten the mood at the end and you giggled a little. “See, that smile alone makes you the most beautiful person in the entire universe. I don’t care if you have these. Well I do, because you know, I can imagine they hur-” 

“Big time.” You interrupted. 

“Yeah, they hurt and I don’t like anything that hurts you. I would punch it if I could bu-I’m getting off track. What I’m trying to say is that I think you’re pretty no matter, even if you do have this. And I’m gonna look after you for as long as you have the-” 

“There’s no cure. Its a permanent thing.” You said sadly. 

“Well then you’re stuck with me forever. I’m not gonna let anybody else look after my girl.” 

“Sweets.” You sighed. “You don’t have to. I understand if you wanna be with someone else. Someone you can show off.” 

“Why can’t I show you off? You are way out of my league, just try and stop me. Plus, I don’t want anybody else, I want you. And I’m gonna help you. Tell me everything.” 

“Are you sure.” 

“Yes.” He nodded. “Now tell me.” He nudged you softly. “Wait!” He stopped you from talking. “Can I hug you?” He asked. 

“Yes Sweet Pea, you can hug me. But please don’t squeeze.” 

“Got it.” He nodded and held his arms out open for you to cuddle in to. “No squeezing. I’ll have to squeeze Fangs from now on.” 

“You can still squeeze me Sweets. Just not right now, they’ve been quite bad because of summer and the heat and stuff.” 

“Understandable. When I go home I’m gonna google ways to keep you cool so they don’t hurt you anymore than they already do.” 

“Sweets.” You laughed. 

“Come on. Tell me everything I need to know. When did you find out?” 

“I was properly diagnosed a few years ago, they are usually kinda manageable, but they’ve been super bad this past week so I kinda just hid away. Sometimes when they get really bad I just hide in my room for a few days.” 

“Thats why you’ve been avoiding me.” 

“Yeahhh.” 

“I feel like an ass. I’m sorry.” 

“Its fine.” You laughed softly. “You didn’t know.” You shrugged. “There also kind of embarrassing. They are in all of the parts of me that are supposed to be sexy, like my boobs and my thighs and my you know...” You trailed off and he nodded. 

“I’ve seen all of those things and I think they are so sexy. Even thinking about them is turning me on.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you and you laughed loudly. 

“Ewww.” You hit him playfully and he laughed louder. 

“What else?” He asked after recovering from his laughter. 

“They’re expensive to deal with. You have to buy the gauze and stuff.” 

“I’ll do more jobs for the Serpents to help you pay.” 

“They bleed sometimes. And I can only have dark sheets.” 

“I’ll change my bedding.” 

“Sometimes it hurts to lie down or sit.” 

“I’ll find a really comfortable mattress/cushion.” 

“I don’t think thats how that works” You replied. 

“Well then I’ll think of something.” He replied. 

“There’s no cause for it.” 

“I’ll find one.” He shrugged. 

“What? You’re gonna become a scientist to find a cause for it?” You asked sarcastically. 

“Yep. A cause and cure for it.” He replied. 

“You’re just being silly now.” You rolled your eyes. 

“I’m never silly. I’m Sweet Pea remember. I’ll do literally anything to help you. Even if that does mean becoming scientist.” 

“I appreciate the offer but I’d much rather you just support me.” 

“Anything.” He smiled brightly at you before kissing you. 

“And maybe calling me pretty every so often.” You mumbled against his lips. 

“Done.” He replied and the both of you laughed softly. “I’m here for you no matter what, pretty girl.” 

[berserkerblades]

HOW TO MAKE MACARON RECIPE (STEP BY STEP)

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This bit by bit French macarons formula can make a devotee out of anybody on account of a definite guide and scrumptious outcome! This scrumptious macarons formula will deliver sensitive treats with a sweet, rich filling you'll revere. Besides, you can utilize this macaron formula as a base for a huge amount of different flavors!

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MACAROON AND A MACARON?

Before we talk about how to make French macarons, note that macaroons and macarons are extraordinary.

While you'll hear many utilize the two reciprocally they are totally various sweets.

French Macarons Recipe

Macaroons are coconut treats made with destroyed coconut and improved consolidated milk. Macarons are almond treats made with meringue and almond flour.

The two look and taste totally changed. They're likewise made in an unexpected way, with French macarons being more on the propelled finish of heating and macaroons being on the simple end.

ARE MACARONS HARD TO MAKE?

Ask any individual who's at any point endeavored to make a French macaron whether they thought it was troublesome or not. The majority of them will presumably answer that, truly, they can be annoying little buggers!

One reason why macarons are difficult to make is a direct result of the meringue part of the pastry. Meringue is a sensitive thing all alone, however then the demonstration of consolidating it with the almond flour (otherwise called macaronage) is another accomplishment in itself.

While I state this not to debilitate you from endeavoring macarons, I share this data so you go into making macarons with a genuine interest and the highest consideration and persistence.

French macarons see from the top on a layered stand

WHY ARE MACARONS SO EXPENSIVE?

Things being what they are, you know how I recently clarified that macarons are dubious to make? All things considered, that is a piece of the explanation they're so costly to purchase.

While an accomplished cake culinary expert may discover making macarons a breeze now, that doesn't mean the normal individual offers a similar assessment.

Truth be told, numerous individuals who love macarons have no clue how to make them or simply would prefer not to focus on the sensitive idea of making them. This makes for a perfect thing to sell at a greater expense.

Precarious, BUT SO WORTH IT

For quite a while, I passed on eating macarons on the grounds that I had never made the most of my first involvement in them. Regardless of whether it was a strawberry macaron formula or a chocolate macaron formula, I wasn't excited with the surface or taste of the macarons I had attempted from the shops.

It wasn't until I attempted naturally made French macaron treats from Ladurée in Paris that I started to comprehend why everybody appeared to have an adoration illicit relationship with this French treat.

I attempted a great vanilla macaron formula and was in paradise. I knew whether an essential vanilla flavor tasted that great, the remainder of their flavors would be incredible as well.

Since hopping on a plane to Ladurée each other week isn't exactly practical, the following best thing is making French macarons at home. I say something very similar regarding French rolls as well!

You can reproduce indistinguishable extraordinary outcomes from an expert macaron formula comfortable with a bit by bit French macarons formula like this.

French macarons with apricot cream cheddar filling

WHAT IS MACARON FILLING MADE OF?

The surface of a macaron is fresh, yet chewy and light. It's a surface completely one of a kind to macarons, one where you chomp into the treat and it kind of adheres to your teeth since it's so chewy.

French macarons are additionally regularly made with a marvelous filling sandwiched in the middle. A macaron topping formula can be made off of flavors like caramel, chocolate, and raspberry, just to give some examples.

Subsequent to encountering the best macaron formula I'd at any point had at Ladurée, including a scrumptious cream filling, I left on a journey to make macarons myself.

I needed to make a fundamental macaron formula, something much the same as a vanilla macaron formula, that could without much of a stretch be messed about to consolidate different flavors. I additionally required a formula that could be rehashed by another person with progress, including an apprentice dough puncher.

Step by step instructions to MAKE MACARONS FOR BEGINNERS

Making macarons can be an overwhelming assignment; whoever looked the web for a simple French macaron formula trusting they could reproduce them as effectively as macaroon treats was tricking oneself.

All things considered, making French macarons is absolutely plausible. Not to advertise myself here, however the first occasion when I made macarons, they came out great.

At the point when I wandered off and attempted some other macaron plans with an end goal to get extravagant with flavors, I ran into issues despite the fact that I was following the plans precisely as they were composed.

I share this since I need you to realize that the way toward making French macarons requires more method and cake know-how than basically following a formula card.

While a formula card can give you headings for making macarons, there are some visual components and methods you have to keep in the rear of your brain as you really execute the formula guidelines.

French macarons formula on a gold plate

French macarons aren't chocolate chip treats, in spite of the fact that, they might be similarly as pined for.

As a culinary educator, it's one of my preferred classes to instruct in light of the fact that it's such a visual procedure. In the event that you're a piece of the French Culinary Experience, at that point you'll unquestionably be figuring out how to make these with bunches of detail.

As referenced before, making wonderful and delightful macarons has a great deal to do with macaronage, or the demonstration of blending the dry fixings in with the whipped egg whites.

Macaronage is such a fragile demonstration and is finished by feeling and peering toward the hitter. This is the place those ninja baked good abilities come close by, and gratitude to my hardships with French macarons, you will become familiar with those aptitudes without learning the most difficult way possible.

Before I share a couple of tips on the most proficient method to get immaculate macarons, I need to quickly expand on why macaronage is so vital to making impeccable macarons.

If you get extremely enthusiastic in the hitter blending, you'll get hotcake macarons that may never develop their "feet" (the unsettled edges on the base of the shells).

On the off chance that you under blend the hitter, which means you quit blending the player excessively soon and your hitter winds up being excessively thick, at that point your macarons may never at any point themselves out into the level, smooth looking shells they're known to be.

They'll simply look puffy, fat, and won't have the correct surface.

A rehearsed eye can assist you with getting that ideal player consistency without fail. In any case, regardless of whether this is your first time making macarons, you can accomplish that consistency (and beautiful macarons) with some accommodating tips.

Gold sprinkles on French macarons

GETTING PERFECT MACARONS:

After you've delicately collapsed the meringue into the almond flour in the macaronage step, you'll need to test your macaron hitter's consistency. Give the player a crease and lift some of it up with your spatula, at that point let the hitter tumble off your spatula.

On the off chance that your macaron player is tumbling off your spatula so gradually that it's tumbling off in enormous lumps, or globs, or you're kind of waving the spatula around to urge the hitter to tumble off, at that point you have to continue collapsing (for example blending). Your player is excessively solid.

By a similar token, you additionally don't need the hitter tumbling off your spatula quicker than you can squint like runny crepe player. On the off chance that you're now, at that point shockingly you've over-blended your hitter and should begin once again.

At the point when your hitter tumbles off the spatula in a moderate, yet ceaseless and consistent way, framing strips on the player in the bowl, at that point you've accomplished the ideal consistency. Macaron player is somewhat similar to hotcake hitter in that manner, where you need that in the middle of consistency that is perfect – not very thick, not very runny.

This is to state that persistence is a righteousness when you're making macarons and practice makes an ideal macaron. I don't plan to drive you off from making macarons, but instead give all of you the conceivable data I can with the goal that you don't cry any tears (or waste expensive almond flour) as I've done before!

Truth be told, I trust you feel substantially more knowledgable about creation French macarons and feel urged not to surrender with these treats.

Since French macarons are so worth the issue and exertion. Not exclusively will your wallet thank you, however so will your sense of taste. Custom made macarons are 10x better than the stuff they sell at pastry shops outside France.

close-up shot of French macarons with apricot filling

Stretching OUT WITH OTHER FLAVORS AND COLORS

These French macarons are produced using an essential vanilla macaron formula, sans the vanilla glue. I essentially discarded the teaspoon of vanilla concentrate (or 1/2 tsp vanilla bean powder) that I'd regularly hurl into the meringue for nourishment color.

I needed to give these macarons a light pinkish/peach shade to coordinate the apricot filling I've made.

This macaron formula can be changed to mirror whatever macaron shading you want, similarly as the macaron filling can be changed to your own flavor inclinations as well.

Note: If you need a darker macaron shading and are enticed to utilize more nourishment color, ensure you utilize the powdered kind to dodge the danger of over-liquifying the player; macarons can be that unpredictable to additional fixings.

Great macaron fillings will in general be a jam, ganache, or buttercream. You could utilize Nutella, or blend Nutella into mellowed spread for a chocolate buttercream.

You can likewise simply spread some raspberry jam between some brilliant, pink macaron shells and consider it daily.

I needed to make the filling for these French macarons somewhat increasingly debauched by adding some mascarpone cheddar to my apricot buttercream blend. The cheddar gives an additional richness to the filling, stifling the plain sweetness that can here and there ari

[unwarrantedopinions-blog1]

AJR/Fletcher/3OH!3 @ ISU’s Braden Auditorium

A different take to the blog this post. I went to a show alone up in the Blono area. For those of you who are reading this and aren’t local, it’s Bloomington-Normal which is the home of the Illinois State University Redbirds. Pretty campus, nice majors, etc. Definitely worth checking into if you’re in the market for college. I have a lot of friends who go here / have went here. The parties are dope, the bar scene is hype, and it’s a great little place overall to spend 2-4 years if you have that kind of time and money.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

This was my first concert at Braden Auditorium and I am going to give it about a 7.5/10 rating for the venue, 8/10 for the vibe, and artists individually will get reviews/ratings later on in the blog. The venue was actually really well ventilated and it stayed cool inside despite the fact that it was packed as fuck and everyone was flailing around like an octopus at a rave. Parking was big and spacious, I conveniently parked closest to the doors not even knowing where I was going. Shout out to Brady for getting me where I needed to go via Snap since I was clueless. It was more or less just following the masses. (Doesn’t that lead to mass murder or cults?) The merchandise was right inside the doors and everything was front and center. AJR was the only artist that had merchandise out so I bought their short sleeved tie dye shirt (I’m a slut for tie dye) and their dusty rose hoodie with “100 BAD DAYS 100 GOOD STORIES” on the back because obviously. That’s my favorite song off Neotheater. I think it was reasonably priced. $35 T-shirt and $65 hoodie. Lucky for me, I brought exactly $100. Amazing on me.

I’m really not a fan of “assigned seating venues” so that was a bummer at first but the chair was super convenient when I wasn’t feeling it for the middle set. The facility is super nice, the security/assistants were super nice, the vibe was super nice. Overall super nice. The box office workers were SO kind helping me get my ticket (obviously I needed a physical ticket for the collection) and pointing me in the right direction to my seat. The people I sat around were kind as well. I had a group of girlfriends to my right, a couple to my left at first, and friend groups ahead and behind. As the Fletcher set went on and I was sitting, I had a weird guy come up and sit in the empty seat to my left. He got creepy after a few minutes and, GOD BLESS, the two girls that were together behind me saved the day and pulled me up to the next row back with them. After a while he tried talking to the group of girlfriends that were to my right originally and after talking with them I found out they were 17!!! So I told them I’d walk them out to their car after the show and they were so appreciative. Girls helping girls is what this future needs to become. Aside from that little stutter, the seating was not the best but wasn’t the worst. Neutral rating there, but for future reference I am gonna try to avoid assigned seating venues. Dat shit lame.

The thing I like the most about this experience for myself was that I was able to let myself feel. I have an issue with bottling up my emotions and I don’t ever process them, I just shove them to the back of my mind and wait until the shelf is too full and one falls off and I deal with it when the glass breaks. So being able to sit here, reflect on my emotions, feel things for what they are at their own face value, it was really nice. I heard all of my feelings loud and clear, I cried tears of happiness, sadness, confusion, excitement. There was so much going on in my brain that I couldn’t hold any of it in. Music is one of the only things that allows me to feel freely and deeply, so this experience helped me sort through what I’ve been holding onto. Some days I wonder why I hold on. I think this is a good habit to get into: going to a concert alone once a month, maybe twice. Not just for me, but for anyone who has a deep connection with music, artists, albums, etc. Overall, a pleasant experience for what I dubbed “Solo Sunday”.

ARTIST REVIEW:

3OH!3 - The first artist up on stage was 3OH!3 and I am honestly so emo over that itself. I’ve been into them since I was in middle school so that was a dope experience. I didn’t think I would see them in concert in my entire life let alone be a few feet from them so that was super surreal and I felt so starstrukk (puns, lol). Honestly, they’re so hype and their humor is very plain, but it’s still funny. I loved their set, recorded half of it on my phone, and will probably blare them on the hour long drive home. It was seriously such a great moment for me, my 13-year-old self was LIVING HER BEST LIFE and I can’t say 22-year-old me could’ve complained either. (10/10)

Fletcher - Fletcher was the second artist out of the trio. Let me start by saying her voice is AMAZING and she is TALENTED. But it’s too loud and strong for the mic and that needs to be adjusted so it doesn’t sound so blaring and shitty. I wasn’t really feeling her set so obviously I sat and started this blog. You could barely understand half the words she was singing when she got quiet, you could only hear her when she was loud. Aside from the sound, her lyrics were spot on for any girl going through literally anything. “Wish I could get a little undrunk so I could uncall you, at 5 in the morning I would unfuck you”. Bruh. My CHEST. Who said she could come for my life like that? This is wack as FUCK, I got called out hard on the whole set. There’s just something about the emotion in her voice that make the lyrics hurt 10x more and I think that is what makes a good artist. I think she talks too much midset and between songs, but maybe she will learn as she tours more that not every song needs an explanation for why she wrote it or when she wrote it or where. Overall I think her lyrics were good, the sound was okay, but the set was mediocre at best. Maybe an artist better on recording compared to live, will definitely give her a listen and fair chance. (7.5/10)

AJR - First off, let me just say that AJR was/is/always will be a (not so) subtle obsession. Neotheater (album review post coming soon) got me in my feelies so fucking hard that I couldn’t breathe. It was a cheap rib shot and it made me want to reevaluate everything I’ve ever said or done in my entire life. Seeing them live, being in the same building as them, it had my feelings on a whole different level. This album has been my rock for the last few weeks on repeat and helping me through this rough patch of my life. Being at the NEOTHEATER WORLD TOUR was unreal. They bring so much hype and playful banter to the stage, seeing them interact with one another (they’re brothers slash the “they were roommates” vine) was so wholesome. The gig was INCREDIBLE. I recorded most of the set to have for the bad days and the sad days. They are fun, upbeat, and quirky in the best way. I cried for the first 4-5 songs because it was so surreal to me and I was just in awe of the fact that the music that I listen to so I can make it through the day sounds 10x better in person. The vibrations in your chest and the pounding headache you find yourself not minding, the amazing crowd that feels the same or similar to the way you do, and the hype that everyone in the place felt. It was all amazing and I will never miss another AJR show again. I really just sat there and soaked in my tears the whole set. It was satisfying in a weird way to connect with something so simple so deeply. (10/10)

THE DRIVE HOME:

The drive home was hype while I sat in the lot trying to leave all the way up until I got out of Blono. It began as a light jam session of “I’m Not Famous” and “Burn The House Down” in the lot, transitioned to 3OH!3 on shuffle (skipping for all the high tempo bops), and then winded down with a play through of Neotheater in its entirety. From the moment I hit the highway from the last exit taking me home, I started the album from the beginning. I let the words sink it, the emotions connect, and I was a bawling mess. I sang, I cried, I bobbed my head along time the heartbreaking truths the lyrics were throwing at me. I revisited painful things from my life, I planned out new future plans. I took my present life into consideration and started working on a plan to get it back together. By the time I got home, my face was covered in teary mascara streaks and my eyes were bloodshot and burning. My cheeks were red and I felt so exhausted. Letting my emotions get out in their own way made me feel like a new person. The months upon months of bottled up feelings are gone and it’s time to start over with new ones.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I enjoyed myself. That’s a phrase that will rarely come out of my mouth. But hey, it’s true. The experience was one of a kind, it was extraordinary, it was everything I wanted it to be. $50 to see a life altering show (dramatic, yes, but not entirely wrong either) was a steal. I would recommend an AJR headliner any day regardless of the openers. 3OH!3 as a headliner would slide if they had good openers. Fletcher as a headliner would be cool if you like that kind of thing. Don’t go to concerts alone unless you are adequately prepared to be alone. Help those around you, enjoy the moment, live for the now. Let those around you enjoy things in their own way. Be kind, be compassionate, be supportive. Enjoy the time you have because your days are numbered, regardless of the total amount. And when you think you shouldn’t do something because you don’t wanna go alone, do it anyway. It will be good for you and it will bring a new meaning to self care. I feel weightless and so wholesome. I am ready to tackle another week, month, and year.

[englishmemoirthing-blog]

Memoir Project

Preface

I am not a parent. I will be one of these days to my own children, but at this point in time, I am not a parent. I am a sister. I am a first-year college student, studying nursing with the goal to become one of the best and most experienced nurse practitioners out there. I like to draw and I’m a pretty amateur singer. I am an 18-year-old who still drinks juice boxes and eats microwave chicken nuggets for lunch. I am not one to take on something that is too big, mostly because I know from experience. I am not what you would define as your typical parent. I’ve never even had children of my own. And yet, I was handed a cranky 4-year-old at the prime age of 10 years old, and I call her my kid. She is my child, even to this day. I am not a parent, but when it comes to my sister, my one and only source of happiness, I am one.

The Initiation

         I’m sitting in between my sister’s bed and my own on the floor, playing with my dinosaurs when I hear the loud banging on the front door. I immediately look up from my imaginary Jurassic world, knowing that in my 10 years of living in that house that no one ever knocks on our old, broken down front door. I sprint up around to the back door of my mom’s room leading to the living room to see who our loud, new guest could be, but by the time I get there, my grandmother is being pushed aside by the police barging into our house. I could see their police cars blocking our driveway and in the road by in front of our house through our front door, now left wide open. I watch them as they head out of my sight, towards the hallway to the kitchen, which I promptly circle around using the back entrance.

         I jumped up onto my grandparents’ old armchairs, through a large window looking into the kitchen. I remember slipping a little bit, making me giggle a little while I got back up. However, the sight that I saw once I got up wiped my tiny, innocent smile off my face. I watched as the police took hold of my father, handcuffed him, and started to recite his Miranda rights. My heart sunk to my stomach, and all the noise in the room started to fade around me. I then looked to my right to realize that my 3-year-old sister, who had climbed up onto the chair next to mine, was trying to see over the window, just as I had been doing. I calmly and quietly climbed down from my perch on the chair, pulled my sister away from the window, and quietly led her back to the room we shared. I shut the doors so she couldn’t escape, then sprinted back to the front of the house. I had just missed the cops putting my dad into the police car in our driveway when my mom came up to me with a look of utter disbelief on her face. “Can you please go get your father some clean pants to take with him before he leaves”? I stared at her as if I was waiting for her to laugh and tell me that she was joking. When that moment never came, I slowly turned around and ran to my dad’s closet for the pants. When I got back to my mom, she yanked the pants from me, almost knocking me over, and walked out the door. I wanted to follow her, but something was holding me back (in due time, I found out that my grandfather had held me until everyone left the driveway). My mom didn’t come home until about 2 in the morning. I had to figure out how to feed my baby sister without my mom or dad helping me. And sure enough, this continued on for the next 5 years after my dad got arrested. This was my first day of becoming a co-parent to my sister.

         Every mother can attest to the hardships of motherhood, from birthing the child to watching them leave for college, nothing is easy for parents these days.  However, being the child having to take care of one or more of your siblings makes it 10x harder, especially if your parents are still around, but are too caught up with everything else to worry too much about taking care of the kids. And this isn’t me trying to bash my parents or the thousands of parents relying on the older siblings to help with the younger ones, they do the best they can with the circumstances they are given. I wanted to share my story considering that there are thousands of others out who could possibly relate to my experience. Each situation is unique and some definently had it worse than me, but speaking on behalf of myself and all the other older siblings out there that had it somewhat like me, raising a kid when you’re still a kid can either the worst thing or the best thing for your childhood.

         There are a plethora of things that I have learned from becoming a co-parent (which is technically between two divorced parents, but my parents agreed that we could call all three of us to be co-parenting), but the most important thing I could’ve learned is the art of patience. From the start of my parenting journey (awful word to use but I’ll work on it) to now, my patience threshold had risen to levels that still make me wonder how I was ever impatient with anybody. If I had a dime for the amount of times I held my tongue when my sister would back talk me or throw a tantrum, I could go into early retirement (and I’m only 18).

    The Struggle

         Ever since my father decided to make the mistakes he made that ruined our family dynamic, I’ve been left to be my sister’s primary caretaker. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve had to help her with homework, and the amount of recipes in my head that I have from having to scramble to make for dinner is more than I’ll ever need. From getting her to 7:00 am theatre practices to following her and her friends around the mall for hours on end, I’ve made sure that she still gets the childhood that was taken from me. And in doing these things and having to be there for her, it triggered this unexplainable love for my sister that I have never (and probably will never) experienced in my entire life. She is the most important person in my life and my absolute favorite person on this planet. I would do anything for my younger sister, and at times I have had to make sacrifices so she could be happy, but I was more than willing to do them for her. My school schedule is solely based off of when I need to be home to get her from school or make sure she’s not at home alone for too long. In about two months, I’ll be getting her first and middle name tattooed behind my ear. She has become my whole life, the one person I could not live without. And yet, she is also the person that gets to me the most. She’s the only one who knows exactly what button to push to make me a certain kind of angry. She knows every single thing to say or do to get her way with me. She bends every rule in my rule book and uses that against my parents now that they take care of her more with me. She learns from everything my parents and I do so she can use it for the future. She’s the smartest, yet most annoying and manipulative child I’ve ever met. And I bet many parents (or siblings with the same case as me) could say something like that about their kid as well.

I’ve come to learn very quickly that guardians are the most predictable human beings ever, knowing from myself and my parents equally. We use the same punishments and same phrases when talking to our children or telling them right and wrong. We say the same lectures when the kid runs with scissors or tries to touch the hot stove or telling them not to talk to strangers. Everything is the same with us, mostly because kids tend to have a hard time learning from certain things, but we tend to prepare what we want to say in certain situations in order for them to understand. We want to be ready for the worst of the worst, for the stuff that will stick with them in the long run. The first time they go out with friends by themselves, the first time they stay home alone, their first boyfriend or girlfriend. Looking into the future at that stuff is scary, so we prepare something that is going to get the point across, but still give them room to learn in a safe manner (whether we know it or not).

         Another harsh truth of childcare is the no sleep thing, especially when they’re little. She always had a hard time sleeping in her bed, so I let her sleep in mine when I first started taking care of her. My only problem with it was that she tends to sleep like a starfish and kicks like a horse in the middle of the night if you get too close to her. I was constantly covered in bruises, and the bags under my eyes looked like they weighed 50 pounds. It went on for about a year before I found a good way to kick her out for good. One day she started crawling in with me, and at one point I started to apologize. “What are you saying sorry for?”, not knowing the horror she was about to endure.” Oh, not much, I just thought you should know that I farted in my bed a minute ago”. She never stepped foot in my bed after that.

  The Aftermath

         After being a tired, baggy-eyed witness to my parent’s divorce, and they finally stepped away from the problems they had with each other, they finally started to help with me with my sister. Of course, they had their struggles considering by the time they started pitching in, she was around 8. They didn’t have too much experience with the madness that is my sister. Frankly, they didn’t really know her personality all that well. So, in a very awkward and weird set of conversations with my parents, I began to teach them the ABC’s of how to raise a little girl who wants to become president or a lawyer some day at the age of 8. I taught them her little quirky things like not to question her when she names her stuffed whale Jefferey, or not to correct her when she says deodorant like de-do-dar-ant because she knows the correct way, she just wants you to correct her so she can laugh at how concerned you get when you correct her. However, the most important thing I taught them about her is that she is one of the most individualized people on the planet, and she will always try to do everything by herself first before asking. The last thing she wants to do is ask for help, but I taught her when to realize your capacity for doing something and that it’s ok to ask for help sometimes when you really can’t do something. And the last thing I wanted them to do was to undo everything I taught her because it didn’t fit with how they wanted her to be.

At times they wanted her to be something she wasn’t, like the time my mom wanted to put her in gymnastics even though all she wanted to do was play in the pit with all the foam blocks every time she went. My dad had an easier time accepting everything, maybe because he felt bad for missing out in the first place, or because he wants the same things I want for her. My mom never felt like she did anything wrong, so she came back into it as though she already knew her. However, after a while she realized that the 4 year old she used to know was not the same as the smarter, more independent child that was in front of her. Even to this day she says my sister scares her, because she never got used to the fact that there’s a good chunk missing from her memory of my sister in the time she was chasing my dad around everywhere and going to court all the time. She learns something new about my sister every day, even as an 11-year-old middle schooler who wants to join the volleyball team and is constantly mumbling internet memes to herself to make herself laugh.

Now, my parents and I both equally split the work of raising our tall, very strange 11-year-old girl. Sometimes I take her all the way into Katy for school in the mornings in exchange for one of them to go and get her or to babysit when I want to hang out with a friend or something. And in some ways, they pay me back for all the lost time. Both pay me whenever I go out with her to buy dinner, but my dad gives me more freedom when it comes to going out with friends or my boyfriend or someone. My mom still likes to think she was there all those years to cope, so the most she’ll do is not fight with us when we want to have fast food instead of meatloaf. They both, however, have grown into the whole parenting thing, and both love how my sister turned out in the end.

My time with her was long and hard, and sometimes I think I lost apart of myself as a kid that I know I won’t get back. But I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world, because I gained something so incredible and I gained so many good things I can use for my own children someday. I’d go back and do it all again if I had the chance. I’ve learned so much, and I’ve become someone my sister is going to look up to while she grows more into who she is. And I hope one day I can show her this, so she knows our past a little more and can understand why she is who she is. Because in a way, she lived out the part of my life that I lost, and for that I am eternally grateful.