#to every individual who's watching
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Critical Role is just such a warm and wonderful gift for wlw representation.
We have the two who saw each other from opposite ends of a bumpy broken road, who braved rain and thunderstorms and faced obstacles and hurdles but were always on track towards each other - even when they didn't know they were, even when they couldn't see they were - until the rain got lighter and they started walking with purpose. And then they finally reached each other in the middle, embraced and never let go.
And we have the two who started on a bumpy broken road together, who are braving red sand storms and go over obstacles and hurdles side by side and where at some point intertwining each others hands for support and comfort - so that they always know they're still walking together, even when they can't see and there's too much sand in their eyes - and then never letting go was just the right descision to make.
#this is a positivity post#please don't come here to argue about which ship is better#they're so different#and therefore offer different meanings#different ways to relate#and a different catharsis#to every individual who's watching#and that in itself is meaningful and amazing#we all enjoy different things#and cr has something to relate to#for so many different queer experiences at this point#we should celebrate that!#critical role#imodna#beauyasha#wlw#cr3#cr2#cr spoilers
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the most difficult thing about growing as a person socially, as in getting out of your shell and noticing that you are, is that there will still be times when it doesn’t feel like you’ve grown at all! times when you can’t really connect with anyone around you, times when you fail to enter into an existing conversation, times when you say the wrong thing (or nothing at all when in hindsight you probably should’ve). but that’s also kind of the best thing, because that’s the thing that helps you realize that sometimes, it’s not you or your lack of skills or any shortcoming. sometimes certain environments just aren’t for you and certain people aren’t your people, and that’s okay. that’s human. it’s okay to not feel the progress you have made all the time.
#and that goes for every type of growth#backstory of this post:#after I came back after a few months of doing my international internship I felt so much more confident#it was easier making friends and walking up to people#i took more chances#and generally just heard it a lot from those around me who kept telling me how much i’d changed#this was further supported by my first office job that went pretty well#but then came my grad internship. and while i love the work and have met some great people I noticed it was difficult again#there was one office lunch where no one spoke to me at all! it was my first week and I didn’t know what to say#if i should even say anything#we were all sitting at the same table#not one person even glanced my way#it made me doubt myself; i was doing so well before#was that even real? why can’t I just speak up? this is not the way to connect with people#especially in my first week!#but you know what#i was still doing well. i just had to factor in the fact that these were all middle aged people talking about reality shows i didn’t watch#and bikes i knew nothing about#as well as people who knew i was the new intern yet didn’t speak to me at all even though I’d introduced myself to them all individually#and even so#people I couldn’t really talk to about MY interests outside of work either#my point being:#it’s okay to not feel a connection with everyone you meet#it’s okay to fall back into old habits even though you’ve developed new ones#it will never unravel the process you’ve made and the connections you’ve built#you’re doing fine#after this internship I will surround myself with people who reaffirm that belief#growth in the self#self love#positivity
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Baby that is not an enrichment activity
Baby... Baby no you... Child...
I know you like to play with crinkly things but...
Aaaand into the messenger bag she goes.
#snake#snakes#hognoses#hognose#pets#scoria#scoria rose#there's nothing dangerous in my messenger bag#and the candies are individually wrapped the bag is a stiff plastic she can't suffocate on at least not with me watching her#she really really really likes playing in bags and crinkly things#and has wanted to pay in my messenger bag every day#I had to put my drawing supplies in a zipper up bag in it to make it safe#as when she sees it she will wiggle and point at it and keep asking to go in it so it's just easier to make it safe and let her play in it#“Did you get any new things?”#she loves snooping in it#XD#that may be part of the reason she likes investigating bags#“Something new is in there!”#her sister hasn't learned this yet and is still trying to get over the world outside her enclosure being big and scary#Scoria just needs a moment and so long as I'm there she's ready to explore anywhere#we are the trope of the sweet little innocent girl and huge scary beast who will protect her at all costs#Scoria is the sweet little one
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would you like to talk about how bad the mha ending was hella
as much as i would love to give like. a comprehensive response i genuinely dont think i can get my words together just yet without it being a constant unintelligble stream of 'AND ANOTHER THING-' and bc it's become quite torn in the fandom on if the chapter was good or bad i want like. an actual coherent response here. so i will reblog this if/when i can word it but know IM NOT FUCKING HAPPY
#paragraphs and paragraphs about the villains' endings alone. hawks hpsc president. midoriya's ending#the fact hero society is barely changed and the changes that do happen feel very much TELLING the reader it happened#as opposed to actually showing us how society changed on it. this is smthn ik people will argue w me about#bc yes it was a 400+ chapter manga arguably showing us how society changed but like. did it actually show that#like do u honestly think any community would watch televised battles between TEENAGERS and bad guys#and have the majority of them go 'gah! i cant help but sympathise with the bad guy who just suckerpunched child extra no.28!'#so like. why are they all suddenly on board with massive systemic reinvention. where's the rage where's the bitterness#this wasn't a story on showing the villains as redeemable and working towards society sympathising with them#and slowly painfully coming to a conclusion where japan was ready to change as a COLLECTIVE#this was a story of showing a group of redeemable villains (first step CHECK) getting DEFEATED IN BATTLE#THEY ALL FUCKING DIED EXCEPT SPINNER AND PRESUMABLY COMPRESS#WE DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO DABI AT THE END ONLY THAT HE WAS PUT IN THE EXACT SAME POSITION#HE WAS IN WHEN HE WOKE UP FROM HIS COMA AND DABI WAS BORN. 'DABI' AS A PERSONA MEANT NOTHING#we still have an abuser who didn't come to justice. we still have the corrupt government body now being led by the guy they trafficked#and abused and conditioned into the perfect soldier. do u think maybe his opinions are a little biased in regards to that gov. body#maybe. perhaps. slightly. and we still have hero charts!!!!!! every kid in the last chap is still obsessed w becoming a hero!!!!#and dont get me STARTEDDDDDDDDD on midoriya being a teacher. 'i think it's cute he finally gets a life of peace 🥺#this way he can help the next generation directly 🥺' womp to the fucking womp he was supposed to be the world's no.1 hero#he barely sees his friends anymore. 'it's realistic to adulthood!' i dont want realism in my superpowered teen and up manga#put them in the avengers mansion NOW#so as you can see i waffled regardless of saying i specifically wasn't gonna do that and some of these points bother me more than others#with some being personal I Didn't Like It and some being i genuinely truly believe it to be bad writing#but my summary is mha ultimately felt like a story where a group of individuals unlearned (eh) the beliefs of a toxic society#and tried to save the people that society failed and then they themselves DID NOT FUCKING SAVE THEM#(i have a hit on the redemption via death trope on the dark web for ten bajillion pounds)#and while yeah that isn't objectively an evil story to tell i think 1) it was done poorly#and 2) isn't what a lot of people believed the premise to be nor what i think horikoshi himself was trying to write#ask#mha spoilers#mha
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I just read an article in that guy who murdered two women. Absolutely horrifying. All the booktok crazies fawning over him reminds me of the women that would write letters to Ted Bundy while he was in prison.
I wasn't gonna answer this because I felt like I said what I needed to say and like, I was just preaching to preach but THEN while I was asleep, an anon came into my askbox to accuse me of not being a girls girl while intentionally missing my point. I blocked them before I thought of a good comeback (tragic) but like fellas is it anti-feminist not to stan a man who killed two women because (and this is so important to me) he hates women?
I'm gonna put the rest of this under a cut with a heavy trigger warning for domestic violence, I just want to say it and then I think I'm done talking about it because it's genuinely so disheartening.
Anyway, I think sometimes I get nervous to answer these kinds of asks because as a therapist I should know better than to speculate on people and what they're going through and whatever else, but as a person, its like...do you want to be picked that badly?
I think we all know by now that I work in DV and all the people fascinated with men like this fuck me up because like..."oooh what makes him tick, I want to talk to him, why did he do it-" and for me, I sit on the opposite end talking to survivors of violence asking the same questions with hollow eyes, with shaking hands, with safety plans meant to buy them just enough time to get out of their house so they aren't killed. I still think about some of the people I spoke with who didn't survive it.
When I was in grad school, I took a summer internship at the local DV court helping survivors with orders of protection. The system was set up better than a lot of other courts, but its still the legal system, you know? With all its flaws. My job was to flag for lethality based on what I was reading in the OPs and then reach out directly to survivors to help them navigate the process, connect them with resources, and sit with them in court. And I still remember this one particular woman who's situation was so desperately dangerous. We did a safety plan- and at that level, a safety plan isn't like, "remember to take your keys and wallet with you when you go", its "don't go into the basement or bathroom if he's in the house with you because there are too many hard surfaces, exposed pipes, and basins of water that making killing you easier. Go to a bedroom or closet because strangling a person is really hard and takes time," like THAT kind of safety plan. Anyway she thanked me, I remember this so well, she said thank you and I told her I'd call her the next week with an update and over the weekend he bludgeoned her to death.
And I guess I just don't think there is anything fascinating, interesting, or otherwise unique to men like this (obligatory yes I know women kill/abuse too). They're everywhere. I saw another post about how some podcaster is trying to get him on to talk to that guy and its like, why don't you just call up one of your friends' exes. Like. If you've got more than one female friend, you've probably got a friend who has experienced violence at the hand of a male partner, call him. Talk to him. Ask him why he did it, let him give you his made up story about trauma and sadness and oh life is hard because whatever whatever.
That's my thing. Books, movies, tv- they're not making people like this, and I'm not condemning people for what they enjoy in fantasy spaces. I am condemning it when you bring it out of those spaces and side against the women who were violently murdered because, and this is so important to me (did I say this already??), he HATES women. You are not special. You cannot fix him. He's not smart, or interesting, or fascinating and the having an attractive face is literally just chance and not something inherently moral.
And like, lastly, when you prop these men up and give them a platform, you signal to EVERY man just like him that there is something special and tragic about him. You let him play the victim, you let him rewrite the narrative, you shift the blame of his actions off of him and onto the people he hurt. Like with this particular man, you also side with a white supremacist so what are you saying to all your BIPOC/Jewish friends/mutuals, you know?
Anyway. That's my self-righteous rant, I guess.
#tw: domestic violence#if you open the cut i share a story of someone i worked with who was murdered so protect yourself first#watching people simp for this individual has been so infuriating#ive gone to work mad every single day like we joke about needing someone in a way thats concerning to feminism#but like its a joke- did you guys realize we were joking????
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I absolutely LOVE the Squirtle/Wartortle illustrations by kantaro in Pokemon 151!
The Squirtle jumping so joyfully from the rock into the ocean, the colors are STUNNING! I love the contrast of the Squirtle's aqua blue framed in the vivid orange sky, the soft bit of blue reflecting in its shell and its tail just catching the sun, how little and squishy its body looks as it launches itself towards the water with such tremendous excitement!
The lineless style of the background gives me the feel of a travel poster and I sense the tropical environment around it from the rocks and trees framing the corners, the waterfall splashing with as much energy as the Squirtle!
The layered blues on the surface of the water and the bubbles rising at the corner make me FEEL the liquid rising to meet the Squirtle--I can just feel how the next moment it's going to break through and be immersed in a cool island swim!
And the Wartortle running along the sunset beach, this is somehow everything I always imagined for Wartortle! I adore the way the rich purple melts into the warm red/orange sky, the matching purple clouds and shadows in the foreground, and how the dimming sunlight glows red on Wartortle's deep blues!
I love how the yellow and orange of the sky illuminate the lapping waves, I can just feel the gentle motion of the sea at dusk. The aqua color of the ocean matches Wartortle's ears and tail and sets off the red-orange sand, I just love how the colors are here!
Wartortle looks so round and squishy, I love its happiness as it goes frolicking through the shallows, chasing the bubbles caught in the setting sun! The shine and deep shadow on its shell give it an almost jewel texture like real tortoise shell; I love the silhouetted splash Wartortle leaves as it goes running across the shore. It's so full of energy and delight at the end of a gorgeous day! The colors in these are SO vivid and harmonized and the style is so cute and bursting with energy and joy. I just LOVE it (also Squirtle is my starter)
#pokemon#pokemon tcg#long post#i have deep affection for bulbasaur as well though and i also love the bulbasaur/ivysaur cards in this set#i SO wish we'd gotten art of the final evolutions in the same style as the pre-evos' standard cards!!#(yes i do love the full art ones but i also love the illustrations on the standard cards!)#from the way the settings in these two were going; i would have imagined blastoise to be set at night (??)#i LOVE pokemon cards. i can't keep up with every set but i started collecting again now and then a few years ago#and 151 has really got me wanting the full set the way i haven't since childhood. SO many beautiful illustrations (but there always are)#it's like having little pieces of art of my favorite characters and it's only.. slightly... less expensive than actually commissioning ....#i KNOW it's less expensive to buy the individuals online but it's so much less fun#part of the fun is having YOUR own pokemon journey ((going to the store)) and seeing what YOU encounter ((when you open the pack))#i do buy them online sometimes but i usually dont form as strong associations with them as when i open a pack in a certain setting or place#i tend to try to save them to open right before a significant event like starting something new or a holiday. so that i form associations#and it's like 'oh that's the galarian obstagoon from when my mom came home for christmas'#and 'that's the snorlax who reassured me when i was hurt'#i don't buy them too often so i've got to make it count#anyway i know i should wait for the prices on this one to come down because it's absolutely ridiculous#i didn't buy anything at release because i was like $6 for one booster pack??? but i couldn't take just sitting and watching them sell out#i really like the poster because i can look at so many beautiful pictures all together#i could say stuff like this about literally every pokemon illustration (if i had time to write it out) and sometimes i've wanted to#i just chose these two because these are a couple of my original favorite pokemon and i just couldn't keep it to myself. i LOVE these
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True Detective season 1 is an achievement of storytelling and the medium of television. I can’t even praise it by wishing to see it for the first time again because it’s just as enjoyable on the third watch as it is on the first if not more.
#one of those rare examples of a perfect show#everything about it is tuned just right to perfectly harmonize with every individual component and it’s just incredible to watch#I could gush about it forever I could take a whole film class just on these 8 episodes#everyone who loves tv or film should watch this show#true detective#true detective s1#and then they follow this masterpiece up with the hot dog shit that was s2 which I do not understand in the slightest but that’s how it is#spilling the Tea
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can argue to death with me about how age restrictions on youtube are necessary but i will be DAMNED before i say Hinds Hall deserved to be age restricted. average american child on youtube can listen to H*rbu D*rbu (censoring in hopes to avoid algorithm engagement with the song) which is IOF praising genocidal propaganda, and- big fucking shocker- its not age restricted. i’m 100% sure the only reason Hind’s Hall was restricted was to deliberately suppress and avoid the spread of the song.
#tauto talks#i know damn well that it doesn’t matter that it’s songs in different languages shit in arabic is not free from age restrictions just because#it would not take a kid much leg work for someone to find an english translation if they wanted it#pop culture has an inseparable impact on the public perception of so fucking much and it sucks to say but i bet some people hadn’t had#everything delivered in a way that made them care#macklemore has a weird history of social activism in his music i apologize every day for making fun of him in highschool for thrift shop#like his song kevin does a lot to tackle americas overprescription to addiction to jail or death pipeline#it is sympathetic to the experience of an addict in ways a lot of people generally in society are not#this song did a bit to turn perspective to industries at fault and not the individual suffering#so watching hinds hall be age restricted? feels deliberate. as every move of suppression has felt#feeling particularly full of grief and hate today because i graduate soon#i can only think of every writer like me who did not get to see the stage like i will and it aches#stories the world will never see because it removed the chance#it’s almost like the youth of america are some of the most vibrant and opinionated and energetic parts of the population. youth affords time#change spreading like wildfire cannot be put out as fast as it grows#keep burning#free palestine#palestine#gaza genocide#free gaza#eyes on rafah#eyes on sudan#eyes on congo#eyes on darfur#liberate the world#hoping a swift but painful death to colonization
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so glad to see the younger generation so adamantly bringing back 80s moral satanic panic because people like horror movies thank you tiktok!!!!
#not the 22 year old stranger condemning every individual who enjoys the horror genre as mentally unwell and a danger#to the poor good moral public who dont associate themselves with that disgusting filth#only sickos and freaks and creeps watch a horror movie and like it!!!!!#okay samantha. go back to watching bee and puppycat and leave me alone
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ok but music is actually the most beautiful thing in every way i’m gonna turn into the sun. music and people and the world and oouyggghhhh
#guy who finally got round to watching the zelda orchestra concert uugghhhfghh#you don’t get it you don’t get it the fucking sheer what humanity??? joy???? love???? in being in a music ensemble like an orchestra#everyone is individuals but right now each person is music as one and we’re all music and the audience are crucial#because you too are the music and for at least one brief moment this is all we are. the sounds and the melody and the rhythms and the music#vvvbvhbbbbvbhbbbvv#cggghjbvvhjjbvb. AAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#and the music has always been there abd the music will always be there as time continues to pass#there will always be music in any given moment#but the fact that we come together to specifically create and celebrate music is beautiful beyond understanding#and the truth is there’s music in everything ever because every living thing has some intrinsic level of rhythm and melody#the way you walk. the way the wind blows the sound of your voice the birds singing the sound the leaves make the rain on a shelter#it’s all music. it’s all song#anyway i’m gonna go explode or something gbjbvvghjffch music music i love you music#ezra likes music#<- nee fucking way
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question: how did you discover/get into scooby doo?
this is something i'm always so interested to hear, being that there are few people who don't have at least some small tie to the franchise. whether you would consider it one of your biggest current interests or it's just something nostalgic from your childhood, i'd love to know how you found scooby and what it means to you!
#for me it was my dad! he grew up with the original show and wanted to introduce it to me#so one day when i was maybe? seven?? he came home with the winter wonderdog dvd and we watched it that night#from there we watched every single scooby doo movie that had ever been made#and got the new ones as they came out in subsequent years!#watching a new scooby movie with my dad every weekend are honestly some of my favourite childhood memories#also what's new scooby doo had also started airing on one of the main cartoon channels here in the uk around 2010#so that's the show i watched the most consistently as a kid#velma was my original favourite of the gang because i looked a lot like her (big glasses/same haircut/etc.)#people would always compare me to her and it genuinely gave me a lot of confidence in my appearance that stays with me to this day#but fred was always my firm second favourite - he made me laugh the most of any character#and took on a deeper meaning to me in my adolescence when i realised i was autistic and strongly identified with his portrayals as such#the characters are probably what's kept me coming back all this time - they've been with me forever#and i love them individually + as a team who support each other with their unique skills and love for one another#but also the wacky adventures and general aesthetic#many people joke about the basic plot being the same every time but it makes my autistic brain happy#i love permanence and consistency baby!!!!!#and the different variations on that same formula always keep things fresh and fun#anyway ramble over#looking forward to hearing you guys' responses! :D#scooby doo#nem misc posts :]
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can i catch up on 20 years of dr who in time for the release of the new season? PROBABLY NOT
cos apparently the special gets released on christmas??? and i've watched (checks) 7 episodes?? and that was skipping nine? cos i started watching just for david tennant but now i'm invested?? and i feel like i need to know what happens to donna before and not just jump into the 14th dr season soooooo
(also according to google today is the day of the og first airing so hap birth dr who <3)
#and the thing is i barely watch tv#good omens was the first show i'd seen in So Long#and dr who is. long#and i'm having to pirate it cos even if i wanted to watch it legally the places that have it aren't available in my country :/#so i have to find every episode individually :/#dshjknnda i want the excitement of looking forward to a new season! watching episodes as they come out!#proper fandom experience!#sjhdakn anyways i'll survive#i have loads of free time now#dr who
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It's funny because I could never trust myself to be a world dictator but I would have so much fun being god, which is objectively way more powerful than a world dictator
#maybe its because i play the sims#but the idea of creating worlds and species and gifting sentience and watching them come up with tools and religion and tech is amazing#watch each individual walk through life thinking that they're insignificant because there's so many creatures#and meanwhile i'm out here loving each and every one of them because I made that!!! it's mine!!!!! it's so fucked up and beautiful!!!!#also i'd make things like doctor who and star trek very real lol
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we really need to study why kfans have this puritanical, infantilized image of idols and how they expect them to remain single forever to feed into their delusions
#like bffr#they r grown ass people#just bc u can't get bitches bc ur pining after someone who doesn't even know of ur existence 🤨#does not mean they can't be in relationships like every other normal individual 😐#m just rlly upset n annoyed at kexols after their fanmeeting today#they truly don't deserve anything#from now on i want the exos to perform everywhere but sk#anyway the fanmeet was still fun i cried for 2 hours straight watching twt livestreams cos wtf i can't believe i rlly experienced this#them performing singing dancing having fun?? i prayed for times like these#THE NEW SONG#SKXKSKDMXK#sighhhh i love them
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The Melts
Author's Note: A while back I had a bit of a ramble on how I wished that it was more common to find examples of human bodies artistically warped into new and interesting configurations presented in a manner other than horror and gave an off-the-top of my head example of a hypothetical episode of a slice-of-life series going on that theme. A couple months passed, and then with Halloween approaching, I decided on a whim to slam out a rough draft of that story over the weekend. So here we are. Summary: What if your entire body slowly melting over the course of the day got treated as being no worse than the common cold and you still have to go to work because you work retail and already used up all your sick days? Wordcount: 5,295 Content Warnings: Descriptions of the sensation of one's body slowly melting into a fleshy pile of goo, various weird anatomical modifications, spider-like creatures crawling all over people, having to go into work while sick.
Mil had the melts.
They became aware of this approximately four and a half minutes after waking up when their hand made an unfortunate squelch sound upon palming their alarm clock’s snooze button. They held their hand in place in denial for another half minute while their arm slowly stretched and drooped down into the space between bed and bedside table. They reluctantly opened their eyes and groaned at the sight of the clock’s contour pressing up through a hand whose bones had gone limp and elastic.
It was going to be one of those days.
The thought of calling in sick today briefly crossed their mind, but no, it was close to the end of the year and they’d already used up all of their sick days. Any more would have to come out of their precious holiday leave time.
It was fine, they told themself while throwing back the covers of their bed and pointedly ignoring how that arm curled back around on itself from the momentum. It was only a mild case and it would probably clear up by the time their shift was over. Enough to be annoying but nothing worth making a fuss over. Unless it was a severe case, but that almost never happens.
As a small mercy, Mil’s legs weren’t as melted as their arm so they only almost fell over immediately upon standing up on appendages that bent and swayed in spots that don’t have joints. Thank goodness for counterbalancing tails. People often called their look basic, but Mil preferred to think of it as classic. Feline ears and tails had been among the first reshapings to see mainstream adoption and Mil had personally always found more complicated additions of prehensile limbs and sensory organs to be a nightmare of overstimulation. Plus, the ears and tail were a nice aid in emoting to make up for the difficulty Mil usually had with expressing themself by voice and face alone.
By the time Mil reached the kitchen they’d found a workable rhythm to their unsteady gait that managed to keep them mostly upright. No time for anything complicated for breakfast, and probably best to keep away from the toaster in this state, so cereal it was. That had its own complications of course - grip the spoon too loosely and its weight would stretch their fingers down and apart, but too tightly and their whole hand would roll itself up and try to retract back into their arm - but several minutes of grumbling around mouthfuls of wheat byproduct and dairy tree milk where enough to convince Mil that it wasn’t really all that bad and that they’d be able to manage at work today.
They pointedly ignored the ensuing contrary evidence that came in the form of their legs getting stuck on the inside of their pants and rolling up into lumpy balls until they gave up and went with a skirt. They’d already spent all the time they normally would have devoted to their morning workout on trying to pour themself into a tight turtleneck while getting the right body parts through the right holes. Supposedly wearing snug-fitting clothing like this was an effective way to hold your shape relatively solid in a bad case of the melts - which Mil definitely (probably) didn’t have - but in practice it was not as useful a tip as its popularity would suggest.
But hey, they were fed, dressed and out of the house almost on time, so that was a victory. And it meant they were almost on time to catch the tram before it left. Oh. Wait.
It’s fine, they told themself while fiddling with the straps on the mask they’d donned on their way out the door. It would only be a few minutes until the next tram scuttled up. They’d only be a little bit late to work. Everyone would understand. Afterall, who hadn’t had the melts before? In the meantime it gave them a few extra moments to try to get their mask to squeeze their head into a less embarrassing shape. If Mil had to go in sick, it was the least they could do to try not to spread it. But if they could be considerate while not having their skull get squished in the middle into the shape of a peanut, that’d be great.
A few pats on the side of the face, a push on the the top of their head, some hard nodding, get their fingers untangled from the mask straps aaannnddd…. A plop and a dizzying snap as Mil felt their jaw distend and the lower half of their face slide fully into the mask just as the next tram arrived. Checking their reflection out in the tram’s shiny carapace confirmed that their head was an acceptable shape. Maybe a little bit snout-y, but they could write that off as being part of the feline look. So long as no one saw the mess under their mask.
The good part of being out at the end of the line like this is that Mil almost always got a decent seat on the tram and plenty of time to listen to their audio books. It almost made up for the long commute. Of course, today one earbud kept falling off the top of their head every few minutes from that ear not holding its shape well enough and the other one was worming its way uncomfortably far into an ear that seemed to be trying to swallow it through a series of expansions and contractions that mirrored Mil’s breathing. By the second stop Mil gave up and shoved both earbuds back into a skirt pocket, resigning themself to ride stewing in silence.
That silence only lasted one more stop when the bulk of the other commuters started to pour in. By the fifth stop Mil was firmly wedged between a shell-backed construction worker and a twelve-armed switchboard operator who had enough respect for personal space to keep those arms wrapped around zemself but not enough to not press three different elbows into Mil's ribs. Mil tried not to hold it against zem. It was the morning rush hour. Getting pressed together was to be expected. Even if that meant winding up half a foot taller and considerably flatter. Mil tried not to think about how many people they were spreading their melts to.
At the ninth stop Mil extruded themself from the over-packed tram and toddered over to a bench to catch their breath. If they were going to be late anyway, what was an extra minute or two to let their shoulderblades stop overlapping and left and right halves of their ribcage stop interlacing?�� Just a few deep breaths to puff their torso back out and they were good to go. They could fix their hair later after they got into a restroom to wash the public transit funk off their hands.
Walking into the store’s employee entrance a couple blocks down the street, Mil was greeted with the terrifying visage of their manager, Baroft. The smile wasn’t terrifying because of the fangs (Mil had been considering getting some themself for some time now but couldn’t quite justify it with how little meat they ate), nor because of the extra pair of slit-pupiled crimson eyes (pretty standard for those who could adapt to the extra sensory input), nor even for the contrast with the face’s second mouth that wasn’t smiling (that one never smiled, it wasn’t the customer service voice mouth). No, that smile was terrifying because if Baroft was happy - even worse, relieved - to see them walk in the door late for work, then that could only mean one thing.
The store was short-staffed today.
Mil would have to deal with customers.
Mil was - generally speaking - not good with people even on the best of days, and today was - as the flesh of their hand pooling at their fingertips under the force of gravity like ripening fruit would attest - not the best of days. Most of the time they got by on trading duties with coworkers to spend as much of their workday as possible on the backend duties; stocking inventory, cleaning, feeding the weavers, updating displays, etc. If one good thing could be said about Baroft it was that after seeing Mil awkwardly stumble through enough customer conversations and fitting attempts, yt had realized that putting them in a customer-facing role was more likely to lose the store money than earn it.
But now Baroft was complaining about Rangel being out on jury duty at the same time as Kalei being unable to come in due to thons kid pupating, and Paras from the evening shift had called in sick, so Mil could just imagine the sort of morning Baroft has been having, and Mil was going to have to be a team player and pull through just for today all the way through until closing time, and yes there would be overtime compensation once they made up for arriving late, and what’s Mil complaining about it’s just the melts, if they were able to get here then obviously isn’t that serious, now no attitude and best behavior in front of the customers, it was already bad enough that yt had had to call Leolani and ask eir to come in early today.
That last part cut through Baroft‘s blizzard of words and caused Mil’s heart to skip a beat. Leolani usually arrived just as Mil was getting ready to leave for the day so they didn’t know eir all that well, but the handful of brief conversations the two of them had shared always left Mil wanting to change that. It wasn’t a crush per say, only that everything about Leolani struck Mil as indescribably cool and made them wish they could be friends and hang out. Eir jacket covered in punk patches that ei left draped over the chair in the employee breakroom that no one else dared claim. Eir perfect eyeliner. The way ei could multitask taking one customer’s measurements while uncoiling eir twelve-foot neck over to help another customer pick out a suit off the rack. Eir taste in music that had made the basis for the longest interaction Mil had managed with eir.
Under other circumstances, the opportunity to spend the day commiserating with Leolani over being the two youngest employees by a wide margin and how awful the holiday rush that started earlier every year was might have almost made up for having to work late. Now though, they were suddenly feeling self-conscious about the way their spine had started to go limp in places and force them into a slouch.
Mil’s trip to the restroom to straighten up in front of the mirror was a perfunctory one. They might have arrived late to work, but no way were they going to be late to feed the weavers on schedule. Elam - in early and still in nir fall look of leaf-like orange hair and skin covered in gray keratin growths mimicking tree bark - gave a marginally less brusque than usual greeting when Mil pushed aside the heavy curtain separating the dim tailoring room from the shop, even going so far as to offer nir sympathies for Mil’s melts. Mil’s more solid hand glorped over one of the nutrient slurry canisters on the shelf as they insisted that they were fine. Just a minor case of the melts that would clear up by the afternoon.
Elam raised a skeptical woody eyebrow and offered to handle the feeding duties today, but Mil declined and stepped into the weavers’ enclosure. The way Mil saw it, they were something like an apprentice to Elam who had finally promised to teach them how to direct the weavers once the new year rolled around, so any chance to prove themself… well, it wasn’t so much welcome as not something they could afford to pass up. Experienced weaver handlers were always in demand (as evidenced by Elam being able to afford four full-body reshapes a year just to keep up the image of a tree changing with the seasons), and honestly it was the closest thing Mil had to a career advancement opportunity.
Besides, Mil genuinely liked working with weavers, they thought as the small swarm of arachnoid bio-tools began crawling all over them to get to the nutrient slurry. It was important that the weavers were well-fed in the morning before any clients came in for a fitting lest they get either too tired or too carried away with their purpose. As it was, a few of the weavers must have failed to recognize Mil’s scent and shape due to their illness and mistaken them for a client, forcing Mil to gently shoo the engineered creatures off before the threads of their turtleneck could be unpicked and reassembled into whatever pattern the weavers had last been installed with. Most of the chittering swarm sloughed off to feed once the nutrient slurry had been dispensed and Mil was able to encourage the stragglers to depart from their body heat without too much trouble.
To Mil’s chagrin, once they stepped back outside of the enclosure Elam leaned over and plucked a weaver off the back of their neck that had pushed their unusually pliant skin into a little bowl to nest in. Mil’s stammering apology was met with a laugh and an encouraging slap on the back that made their whole body ripple unpleasantly. Better than a reprimand.
Back out in the main store, Leolani had already arrived and engaged with the first customers of the morning, signing at one with eir hands while stretching eir neck over an aisle of racks to explain the fitting process to another. When ei caught Mil staring, ei sent the second customer their way. The next few minutes constituted the first grueling attempt of many that day to talk someone who wasn’t really all that interested (whether due to boredom, intimidation, lack of intent to buy, or just wanting to get their stuff and get out) through pricing options on bespoke versus alterations by limb configuration and fabric type. Or failing that to sell something off the rack, even if it was just an expensive pair of socks with the store’s monogram on it. Or failing that at least collect an email address for a mailing list. This is what made the holiday rush so awful. The rest of the year most of the store's customers were regulars who mostly had a specific goal upon walking in, but for the next couple of months traffic would surge with only a minimal uptick in actual sales to show for it. All the same, everyone that walked in had to be treated as a potential new regular just in case. As if it wasn’t already anxiety-inducing enough to deal with people whom Mil possessed at least a passing familiarity with.
By noon Mil’s ears were pressed flat back against their skull. In part, this was an expression of their mood, but mostly it was a matter of the ears’ swivel muscles losing cohesion and getting stuck in the last used position. It was making it a little bit difficult to hear clearly, but they had long since learned the hard way that making a rough guess and sticking to a script tended to be received better than asking people to repeat themselves. At last the lunch-time lull arrived and Mil was able to steal off to the break room for a reprieve. It was blessedly quiet in there save for the hum of the refrigerator holding the protein shakes Mil had stashed for days too busy for a proper lunch. Mil dipped into that stash today. Their melts were getting worse before they were getting better and the prospect of trying to wobble down the street in their current state to their usual lunch spot where they would surely be recognized struck Mil as lethally embarrassing. And exhausting.
They took the opportunity to examine the patches on Leolani‘s jacket (draped over eir chair in undisputed claim as ever) while they struggled first with the shake’s cap and then with their mask. Their fingers weren’t cooperating much at all now, between having gone mostly limp and being plumped up with all the flesh their normally-flatteringly-body-hugging turtleneck was now squeezing out of their torso and arms and into their extremities. At least one or two of the patches on the jacket had to do with bands, Mil was fairly certain. Would it make for a better conversation starter to ask Leolani about those bands, or to look up and listen to the music up themself first in order to have something in common? Mil mulled the question over while nursing their shake. Better than thinking about the similarities between their lunch and the weavers’ breakfast.
As Mil threw their head back to drain the last few drops from the protein shake’s bottle, they felt their spine come loose and their head just kept going back. And down. And around. Until it bumped into the back of the low-backed chair, upside down and just above their own waist.
They had folded themself.
Mil took a breath, held it, let it out, and came away even less calm than before. Lungs not making up their mind where they should be will do that to a body.
It was fine. This sort of thing happened. Annoying, but nothing serious.
Mil tried to swing themself upright, but it was the sudden lack of back muscles that got them into this position. They tried grabbing the chair and pulling themself up into an unbent vertical, but the strain just stretched out their hands. They tried to do the obvious thing and just stand up, but folded like a wet, heavy towel as they were over the chair’s back, they couldn’t get the proper leverage and just scrambled their feet, scooting the chair along the floor with a teeth-itching squeak.
Mil heard Leolani walk in before they saw eir. Not that they could see much besides the floor behind their chair. Leolani asked if they were alright and Mil’s mind raced with enough potential responses that it might as well have gone blank. But then fear of getting stuck won out over pride. There was no salvaging this one to come out looking cool.
Mil asked for help. Just a little bit mind you. They’d be fine if they could just get themself unfolded.
Boots made for digitigrade feet stepped into Mil’s inverted view, followed by a round face with perfect eyeliner that then rotated to match their perspective in a motion that suddenly shifted the impression from serpentine to owlish. A light joke about the view from down there was quickly followed by a warning that came at the same time as a pair of hands gripping (very literally) into Mil’s shoulders and lifting. Once ei had them upright ei asked if they were good. Mil said they were and then immediately slumped forward, overcorrecting and refolding in the opposite direction.
Leolani, neck now coiled up over and around eir own shoulders like a scarf, told them to hang for a minute and then came back with a mop handle and a roll of duct tape. A comment about a friend of eirs once having done this for eir and an apology about this feeling weird was all the warning Mil got before the Leolani began working the mop handle up the back of their shirt. Ei called it the scarecrow method of stabilization. After producing a pair of compression gloves from eir messenger bag and helping Mil get them on, Leolani let them apply the duct tape in private with a reassurance that it was the cheap stuff and would come off after a decent soak in a hot bath, if not sooner.
Trying to walk with the improvised back brace was awkward, but better than the alternative. Mil shambled out of the employee break room, wondering how much longer their legs would stay semi-solid, just in time to see a regular they recognized but couldn’t put a name to walk in. Somehow additional legs were far less popular than additional arms, so this regular’s centaur pattern group body configuration stuck out. Not that Mil knew for sure whether it was hooves, feet, or claws beneath those patent leather shoes and it would be rude to ask. What Mil did know at a glance was what xe was here for. The regular’s bat-like wings (aesthetically impressive and flexible enough to clasp in the front and fold into a cloak, but almost certainly not flight-, or even glide-rated) hadn’t been present on xyr last visit to the store. Now here was something that was as close to Mil’s comfort zone as anything got.
They greeted the regular and went through their mental script for this sort of interaction, making the appropriate vague inquiries about xyr wellbeing, complimenting xyr new wings, trying not to drip on anything as their melts slowly got worse, guiding xem through the booklets of fabric swatches and catalog of styles, and dancing around the fact that they couldn’t remember xyr name for the life of them. Once the regular made their selections, Mil led xem back to the tailoring room where they handed the selections off to Elam. Strictly speaking, Mil should have left it be from there and returned to the main display floor of the store, but they liked watching this next part and were even more willing than usual today to take any excuse for a break. If anyone asks (no one will) they’ll say that they were taking notes. Or would saying that they were assisting sound better? Whatever the truth would be on most days, this time Mil simply leaned on a wall for support and watched Elam type in a console to install the selected pattern on the weavers, guide the regular into the weavers’ enclosure, and start speaking in the language of clicks, snaps, and command phrases the bio-tools had been trained on. What before had been a disorganized collection of individual lab-created arachnoid creatures became a precision swarm washing over the regular (who had been through this enough times not to flinch too much), taking xyr measurements by touch with sensitive legs able to estimate and account for offsets due to the regular’s clothes by pressure and texture alone. Once each of the individual weavers was in position on the regular’s body Elam snapped nir fingers to send the swarm skittering into a different position, held for a few seconds of processing, then snapped again for a third configuration. A larger swarm could have generated a full three dimensional scan of a target’s body in one go, but the upkeep costs on swarm size wasn’t generally seen as being worth it just to shave off a few seconds. A final command word cleared the swarm back into the corners of the enclosure.
Like most customers, the regular elected to come back later in the day to pick up xyr new suit and have any last-minute alterations made then. As opposed to partially undressing and allowing the weavers to weave the new suit directly on. Supposedly the latter option would get a truly amazing bespoke fit, but for most it wasn’t worth standing still for an extended period of time with bug legs crawling all over you and working miniaturized biological sewing machines millimeters away from your exposed skin. Maybe one day when Mil had Elam‘s job and income they could find out for themself. For now though, Mil simply offered to lend nem a hand with loading in the fabric feedstock to get the assembly process started. It seemed that pinstripes were making a comeback this season.
The next few hours were, all things considered, not too bad. A decent portion of customers were regulars rather than randoms, Mil got to watch a couple more sessions of the weavers at work, the one song that they weren’t tired of on the station the store had been running on loop for the past three weeks came on, and - most importantly - they’d managed to keep up something like an ongoing conversation with Leolani in between customers. Now if only their melts hadn’t been getting steadily worse instead of better. By the time Mil’s normal shift would be ending they were having trouble standing up for more than a minute or so at a time. Elam even offered to talk to Baroft on nir way out - ne still got to live at nir usual time today - about letting them go on home. Against Mil’s better judgment, they turned nem down, citing the appeal of overtime pay and silently fearing that leaving might reflect poorly on their performance or attitude.
So, of course, two hours later Mil’s skeletal structure gave out altogether, reducing them to a fleshy puddle on the floor. They’d felt it coming on and had just barely been able to make it back to the breakroom and out of sight of customers. Leolani came rushing in moments later, having seen their attempt at a distressed and hasty exit. If there was a silver lining to the gross (they were on the floor in a public building) and embarrassing situation, it was that their skirt had flared out enough to preserve some semblance of modesty and mostly cover up the skin-covered blob slowly spreading across the linoleum.
When Leolani asked if they were alright, Mil’s response came out garbled and bubbling. So, no, not so much.
After several rounds of “One blink for No, two blinks for Yes,” Mil managed to first turn down an offer to call an ambulance (it might be a severe case, but it was still just the melts; they would sleep it off and be fine by morning) and then to direct Leolani to retrieve their phone and its neurolink adapter from their skirt pocket and attach the adapter to Mil’s forehead (or at least a spot on Mil’s increasingly amorphous form slightly above their eyes). Neurolinks like this one were a clumsy technology, still in its infancy, so Mil had to concentrate on a single letter at a time for a second or three apiece to make words appear on the screen, but it beat the alternative. From there the two of them were able to talk - after a fashion - and settle on the plan of laying Mil out in the tailoring room, out of sight of both customers and Baroft. If Baroft asked where they were, Leolani would cover for them and say that they were handling some task or another that Elam left for them. Afterall, with Mil only being able to sort of writhe and flop around, it’s not like they were going to be able to get themself home, so may as well just sleep it off here.
Unprompted, Leolani input eir contact info into Mil’s phone before leaving them in there. Being able to exchange text messages made lying there barely able to move in the dimly lit room for the remaining hours until closing time considerably more tolerable. Almost pleasant even, despite how exhausting trying to type with the neurolink for extended periods of got to be. The white noise of the nearby weavers’ chitters and skitters helped.
And then, as the store’s closing time was approaching and the last customer left for the night, Leolani offered to take Mil home instead of leaving them in the store overnight. Mil could keenly feel the spike in their heart rate at the question rippling through their not-quite liquefied form. The added clarification that Leolani had realized about an hour ago that the two of them both lived roughly the same part of town with the same tram stop so it wouldn’t be much of a detour for eir to drop them off at their place quickly dispelled the wilder fantasies (terrifying and idealistic alike) that Mil’s mind had started jumping to.
Mil was aware, objectively speaking, that they didn’t really know Leolani all that well outside of the off-and-on conversations about hobbies and interests they’d been having most of the day and that letting someone like that know your address and handing them your keys wasn’t really the smartest idea. Subjectively speaking however, Mil was tired, young, and platonically infatuated with their cool coworker whom they seemed to be hitting it off well with.
A few minutes later Mil heard Leolani‘s and Baroft‘s voices outside the backroom’s curtain and caught snippets of Leolani offering to close up the store for the night and lying that Baroft had just missed Mil leave a minute ago. Another minute or two of silence followed before Leolani pushed aside the curtain and strutted over to Mil carrying a large bucket. It took some doing, but ei got them to fit. The melts made flesh as compressible as it made it elastic.
Somehow being scooped up, poured into a bucket, and pressed on until they fit was not the most embarrassing experience Mil had been through that day.
Leolani was able to lift Mil’s bucket with relative ease. Surprising at first, but on second thought, Leolani must have had some manner of musculoskeletal reinforcements for strength and balance if ei was walking around with all that extra weight from eir neck sitting on eir shoulders all the time.
The conversation on the way back home was fairly one-sided. It was simply too hard to concentrate on typing through the neurolink with all the novel sensations going on. Sloshing slightly in the bucket as it swung with Leolani‘s gait. Staring straight up into the night sky (or eir face) while moving. The uncomfortable warmth generated from being their own folded blanket stuffed in a tight space. The rumbling of the tram transferred through the floor and sides of the bucket making their whole body quiver and vision blur. It was fine though. Mil had never been a big talker and Leolani seemed more than willing to fill the space. Or was ei intentionally trying to keep Mil distracted from all those other less pleasant aspects of their current situation? If ei was, it was working. And it turned out Mil hadn’t even needed to ask about the band patches; Leolani had started talking at length about them all on eir own. Best of all, stuck looking out of the bucket up at the ceiling like this, Mil couldn’t see anyone else staring at them and could almost pretend it was just the eir and them without the eyes of strangers that had always made them uncomfortable.
And then Leolani was standing at the door to Mil’s apartment, holding their keys. Ei let eirself inside, carrying Mil’s bucket with eir, found their bed, lifted them from the bucket, and laid them out flat on top of the sheets. Being exposed to cool air again was a blessed relief. They would absolutely need a shower in the morning, but for right now they were too exhausted to care. They tried not to think too hard about how being rather literal putty in Leolani‘s hands felt.
Duty done and aid rendered, Leolani left the neurolink on Mil’s face in case anything came up in the night before they solidified, left the keys on the bedside table, left the lights off, and left the apartment.
On eir way out, ei suggested hanging out together sometime when they weren’t sick.
*******
Mil’s hand made a perfectly normal pap sound upon palming their alarm clock’s snooze button. Their hand was hand-shaped and none of their bones wobbled. And why wouldn’t that be the case after a good night’s sleep?
It had only been the melts.
#writeblr#my writing#writers on tumblr#original fiction#body horror#sliceoflife#slice of life#short story#Halloween#If I were ever to go back and do a second draft of this the two main things I'd want to do are add dialogue and make it weirder.#More mouths and eyeballs in places they're not supposed to go. Everyone loves those right? Maybe some tentacles.#Maybe add another coworker who used to be two or more separate people before fusing their bodies together into a lovely chimerical mess.#Going all in on the neopronouns and giving every character their own individual pronouns was a fun exercise.#Mil using they/them is part of them being “basic” and boring.#I'm a little sad that I wasn't able to work a “nyanbinary” pun in there somewhere#but with binary identity already being out the window to begin with I realized that it would have been out of place/redundant.#Mil's name derives from me watching “Milo and Otis” as a kid then naming our first orange cat that#then having an old recurring catboy OC named Milo that I used a lot of games and stories I never wrote down#and then shaving off the “o” for this newest iteration to make the name a little more gender-neutral to my ears.#Everyone else had placeholder names until after I finished the story and then filled them back in via random generator.#The real monster here is capitalism and the real horror is having to go to work while sick.#I've never actually worked in retail myself so most everything I know of it comes from movies and TV. And seeing it from the customer POV.#There's a semi-upscale clothing store near where I live that I briefly visited years ago and I got halfway through this going by that memor#Then to refresh myself I went there again and straight up told an employee I was writing a story and asked what it was like to work there.#It was a strangely liberating experience. Especially with my usual social anxiety issues. (Sorry Mil those are yours too now. Lacuna too#That's where I got the thing about regulars being the normal main customers the detail about the one liked song song on the looping radio#most of the staff being older and the tailor/bespoke clothing guy being sort of a separate business within the store.
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anyone want to pull an edna pontellier with me
#we realize that we're alive individual people with agency and sensations we can pursue but are trapped by societal expectations (originally#Heavily gendered but this was also like 150 years ago) but we cannot give up our newfound selves for the sake of our children like we're#supposed to so we strip naked on a beah like a newborn animal bare before god for the first time and swim out and drown#spoilers for 'the awakening' i guess sorry#to put this is modern terms does anyone want to pull a brian david gilbert 'and now i am going to throw myself into the sea' with me but we#don't come jogging soggily up the beach towards the camera at the end we just actually drown#sorry to once again be sad on main i just. i cannot keep having the same breakdown every 3 months! every quarter i have to re-realize 'oh i#probably don't actually want to die i just cannot in any circumstances keep living like this' and then i keep living like this#i am so tired. i am so fucking tired of effort not meaning anything bc i try and try and try and i still can't turn anything in#finals posting#anyway edna and adèle should've kissed who's with me. adèle comes over and watches edna's kids while she's out gallivanting and recognizing#her personhood like a good little wife but she also is the first person to welcome edna im and like connect personally with her? edna is a#lesbian but she died before she realized that was an option. hot take.#whatever i hope everyone has a fun and safe st. paddy's#a post
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