#people would always compare me to her and it genuinely gave me a lot of confidence in my appearance that stays with me to this day

[coraniaid]

Reverse Unpopular Opinion: Season Four of BtVS

[Reverse unpopular opinion meme.]

I’ve been (very, very slowly) rewatching Season 4 on and off all year (and occasionally writing Tumblr posts complaining about this very process about the episodes I’ve been watching), and I think it’s fair to say that this is definitely not the best way to enjoy any season of television.  

That being said, I feel I’d be lying at this point if I pretended this was my absolute favorite season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  In hindsight, the show was in a strange transitory place this year: having lost some of the grounding framework that the high school setting gave the first three seasons of the show – as well as having suddenly lost some of its actors and writers to the new Angel spin-off – and not yet having quite figured out what it was going to do instead.  One can imagine some alternate reality where the show ended up taking a very different direction after this season.

That being said, here are five things I like a lot about Season 4, with as few caveats as I can manage:

I think the opening four episodes of this season – The Freshman, Living Conditions, The Harsh Light Of Day, Fear Itself – are as strong as, if not stronger than, the first four episodes of any other season of the show.  Every other season has at least one dodgy episode in this opening block – in fact Season 3, my favorite season of them all, manages to have two of them! – but where is the bad episode here?  The Freshman is a criminally underrated season opener.  Living Conditions is a fun character episode and a great showcase for SMG to act in ways she doesn’t normally get to on this show.  Fear Itself is the best Halloween episode the show ever did and it’s not even especially close.  The Harsh Light Of Day is my least favorite of the four, for reasons I guess it would be against the spirit of the game to go into, but I certainly wouldn’t say it was a bad episode by any means.  Perhaps none of these episodes would trouble my personal top ten, but they are four very solid episodes nonetheless.

While Anya had of course appeared in a handful of Season 3 episodes, I think Season 4 is the point where Emma Caulfield really makes the role her own.  This season’s version of the character – a blunt-speaking outsider whose romantic struggles are often deliberately contrasted with Buffy’s own [in the aforementioned The Harsh Light Of Day, for example] and who is inexplicably attracted to Xander Harris – could easily have come across as a fairly lazy attempt to replace Cordelia Chase, and I think it’s largely to Caulfield’s credit that she doesn’t.  Anya feels very much like her own person this season, and an increasingly integral member of the group.  It’s a performance that retroactively redefines the character: of course this is who Anya is.  Of course she always acted this way. It's only when you back and rewatch The Wish or Doppelgangland that you realize she didn't. And I think it’s pretty obvious, for example, that when people [e.g. people like me] go back to write Season 3 fanfiction where Anya features more heavily than in canon they [again, meaning me] invariably end up writing the Season 4 version of the character instead.  Anyanka might have appeared for the first time in Season 3, but Anya belongs to Season 4.

I really like how important to the show Willow has become at this point and how much of this season is all about her.  Just go back and look at the first season, in which Willow is arguably the member of the Core Four the writers cared least about – when she existed mainly to nurse a sad unrequited crush on Xander and to be good with computers when the plot required someone to be – and then compare that to this season, where she is Buffy’s best friend and roommate, unambiguously the second most important Scooby, and the center of a – genuinely pretty groundbreaking for the time – .season long subplot about coming out as a lesbian.  And of course Amber Benson is great as Tara too.  I’ve criticized the character of Oz for being very transparently written just to be Willow’s Nice Supportive Boyfriend and never becoming much more than that, and on paper you could level the same sort of charge at Tara.  And sure, obviously she was written to be Willow’s girlfriend and it’s impossible to seriously pretend otherwise.  But I think Tara manages to become a more rounded character than Oz very quickly. Even in this season, when she doesn’t yet have much connection to the others (she will, later, go on to become a key member of the group and a friend of Buffy's in ways I don’t think Oz was) she feels a little more complex than he did.

Faith is in this season!  I don’t just mean in the two parter This Year’s Girl / Who Are You? either. Of course, both of these episodes are great: the scene in the church in Who Are You? In which Faith (in Buffy’s body) breaks down while fighting Buffy (in Faith’s body), -- screaming repeatedly at her own reflection that she’s “nothing”, “disgusting”, and a "murderous bitch" -- is one of my favorites in the whole show.  But Faith feels like a real presence in the show even in the episodes she’s not actually in herself.  Unlike Kendra or Jenny in previous seasons, or even Cordelia the season, the other characters still talk about her and remember she existed when it’s appropriate that they do so (and in a way that they won’t really do again until … well, until Faith comes back in Season 7’s Dirty Girls).

Finally, Restless is possibly the best episode the show ever did, and certainly one of its most creative.  Willow’s dream sequence in particular is fantastically well done. I think this might be my favorite single act in all of Buffy.  Why this all works for me – apart from the fact that the show now has years of history to fall back on and reference – is that it’s an example of the show being utterly unafraid to play to its strengths.  Characterisation, dream sequences, dialogue, foreshadowing, oddly striking visuals, random moments of comedy … these – rather than tightly written plots or rigorously consistent world-building or anything that requires a working knowledge of world history or how the US military functions or what capitalism actually is – are the show’s strengths.  So Restless embraces all of these elements, and just doesn’t bother with anything else.  And the result is a season finale that – by virtue of not really being a season finale at all, at least according to the usual rules – is not quite like any other season finale the show ever did.  Which is, on reflection, a pretty fitting end to Season 4, a season of the show not quite like any of the others. 

[nemmet]

question: how did you discover/get into scooby doo?

this is something i'm always so interested to hear, being that there are few people who don't have at least some small tie to the franchise. whether you would consider it one of your biggest current interests or it's just something nostalgic from your childhood, i'd love to know how you found scooby and what it means to you!

[lecl3rcw]

MAGIC IN YOUR VEINS

pairings: Charles Leclerc x sister!reader

summary: Charles comforts his favorite sibling.

warnings: badly translated French, sibling fights, Arthur being a lil mean, just a little tho.

author’s note: this is a lil disappointing, also Thankyou guys so much for 50 followers💗

song recs: none:(

————————————————————————

She didn’t know how a small comment of hers escalated to a full blown argument between her and Arthur.

“Arthur you know I didn’t mean it like that!” She tries to defend herself, “Oh cut the bullshit Y/N, you know how I feel when anyone compares me to Charles, you off all people should know” he yells really upset with his sister’s comment.

“I was just joking! I didn’t Intentionally compare you to him” she sighs out, putting her hand on her face, a little distressed. “No you always have to bring this up, and it’s funny because you’re probably the biggest failure out of all 4 of us, Enzo is starting his own business, Charles is a F1 driver, I’m an F2 driver, meanwhile you can’t even pass a grade 11 exam” he says, finally finishing his rant getting the anger and frustration of his stressful week out.

Her mouth was wide open as tears were visible in his eyes, sure her and Arthur exchanged insults but never had they fought this seriously. “Why are you crying? Cant handle it when it’s directed at you?” He says, “I’m sorry Arthur” she whispered before running to her room and locking the door.

She felt guilty, she wasn’t upset at him because he gave her a taste of her own medicine but it did sting, hearing someone she genuinely looked up to call her a failure was a statement she could never shake off. Although it hurt, it also made her realize that he was right. Once Arthur was cooled down, he did apologize to the girl and she did as well, but despite saying sorry, his words rang in her head. She vowed to herself that she was going to pass this test without anyone’s help no matter what.

“Do you guys know what’s been up with your sister?” Pascale asks placing food on the table, “What do you mean Maman?” Charles asks looking up from his phone, his next race was 3 weeks away so he was happy to spend time with his family, “I don’t know, she seems really distant” their mutters, “I heard she has a big test tomorrow , maybe she’s stressed out?” Lorenzo said, “yeah perhaps, but I would appreciate if you guys could talk to her and make her feel better” she says, the two sibling nodded their heads.

Charles was walking up to his bedroom but he noticed soft music coming from his sister’s room, curiously, he walked in only to find his sister’s head resting on the desk, the dim light of the lamp was the only thing lighting her room up, her papers scattered across her desk. He softly smiled at her, he placed a sweet kiss on her head before turning the light off and letting his sister sleep.

The next morning the girl jerked up in panic, she wasn’t supposed to be sleeping, she was supposed to be preparing for her test. “I’m so fucked” she says her hands on her head. She checks the time and she quickly gets ready to go to school.

“Hey Chérie” Pascale says, “Goodmorning maman” she says rubbing her eyes tiredly, “you alright?” Pascale asks the girl in concern, “I’m good ma, I was supposed to study but I fell asleep” she says, “Oh you’ll do great my love” she says as she goes to give her daughter a tight hug, being in her mother’s arms bright the younger girl a lot of comfort, “I love you Maman, I should be leaving” she says breaking the hug, she gave her a smile before heading out the door.

The rest of the day went by in a blur, after giving her test she actually felt confident, the smile that the past few weeks stole from her made its way back on her face, now all she had to do was wait till 5:00 pm for her results. Charles texted her saying that he could pick her up to which she happily responded.

“Hi Chérie! How was your day” Charles asks, “it was alright” she responds, the siblings talked about irrelevant things the rest of the way, jamming to music, Charles even bought Y/N some food as the two shared the meal. She felt really happy that Charles wanted to spend time with her as he was such a busy man. Unfortunately for her tho, her interactions with Arthur had died down since he was never home, either with his friends or with Carla, which made her really sad.

It was 5:03 when the siblings made it home, “I’m gonna go check my score Charles, I’ll be right back!” She says, “wait! Bring your laptop here, we will check it together” Charles says wanting to be as supportive as ever to which she was more than thankful for.

“Ok…so what did you get” He asks her, the minute she looks her heart drops to her stomach, she felt nauseous, the exhaustion of so many weeks of not sleeping and eating properly catching up to her, she was upset beyond repair, and Arthur’s voice calling her a failure started echoing In her mind.

“I’m a failure” she says mindlessly, before burrying her face in her hands. “What? No you’re not” He says grabbing the laptop. “Oh my god. I’m a screwup” she says as sobs start racking her body, Charles immediately wraps his arms around the girl tightly, her face still in her hands. “I’m so dumb, I studied for nothing” she says as places her head against his shoulder.

“Y/N you’re not a failure, who told you that” Charles says caressing her hair, “It dosent matter Charles, the test results tell me everything I need to know” she says tears still running down her face, “why can’t I be more like you, or Arthur, or Enzo” she wails out, “You’re not a failure Y/N, everyone has ups and downs, you can’t base your worth on test scores, or people’s opinions” he says tightening his hold on her, she stayed quiet wanting him to continue. “You can’t be perfect all the time Chérie, and whoever told you that you’re a failure is probably a failure themselves” Charles says getting a little mad that someone (Arthur) called his sister a failure.

“But-” “no buts, You tried Y/N and that’s what matters, you didn’t give up, everyone has bad days, but you can’t let a test score hold this much power over you” he finishes, she sniffles wiping her nose, “you’re right, I’m sorry, maybe this was a bit of an overreaction” she says, feeling a bit embarrassed, “No never apologize for showing emotions, you were disappointed and that’s ok, use this disappointment as motivation, you’re going to kick that next test’s ass” he says shaking her shoulders as she lets out a laugh. “ I love you Charlie” she mumbled giving him a final hug that he reciprocated, “I love you more” he says. “Now tell me, who said you were a failure? I’ll give them a piece of my mind, I’ll get Arthur on them too” he says confidently,

“………”

[envy-of-the-apple]

In your recent fic, the sun eats the moon, what made Gojo have such an obsession after mc gave him her spare chocolate milk. Like that's what's been driving me crazy, one chocolate milk was all it took for him to ruin her life, like it intrigues me so much, I wander if we'll ever get his pov

It didn't really start there. It was more like a spark of interest, but Satoru has always been the one to just go for the things he wants. He's assertive like that.

In the fic, it does take a couple of weeks for his obsession with Ms.Moon to fully bolster. He starts hanging out with you more, and his attraction to you starts with how different you are compared to his usual crowd. You're meeker, a people pleaser, but you aren't tripping over your feet trying to cater to him. You're just genuinely nice, and he hasn't really seen that in someone before. He likes the sincerity. It might be a cliche, but if it works it works, right?

I'd argue that if you had just said yes in the beginning, things probably would have ended great. Gojo probably would have dated you for a bit, got bored, and then dumped you. Not the most romantic, but definitely a lot more ideal.

But then you rejected him. Him, of all people. Something hinted throughout SEM is that Gojo isn't used to people saying no. His constant comparisons to the sun are proof enough for that. But you say no to him. He can't wrap his head around it, how someone as insignificant as you could reject him.

That's where his obsession starts. Really, it wouldn't have mattered how nicely you let him down. How many excuses you'd give him. No means no and he can't stand not having something he wants. Despite technically being an adult, he's still a kid. Stomping his feet when he cant have a new shiny toy.

It's still not love, not yet. I don't think he ever stops seeing you as something he owns, but after a while he does start to think how nice thing's would be if you two stayed together for a little while longer. Despite how rude you were in the beginning, you're nice now, so he can forgive you. Maybe someday, you'll make an honest man out of him.

When he confesses his love for you in that locker room, it's real. To him, at least. By then, you would have spent a few months under his arm. He's not as mean now, and you have carved a place for yourself in his heart. Even then, he wouldn't really care if you like him back. His narcissism is enough for both of you.

tldr: Gojo is a Sagittarius

[gangrel-pride]

im already fully committed and subscribed to the inevitable Gomezification of Wednesday Addams so please give me your pitch dec of how Enid is Morticia because I fully agree

sorry it took me a bit i had to try and organize my thoughts and im not very good at that

admittedly I’d like to have more Morticia to compare Enid to but we only had 8 episodes so whatcanyado

under the cut so as not to annoy other people

-there’s The Big One: both Wednesday and Gomez would be dead were it not for Enid and Morticia. Garrett would have killed Gomez had Morticia not ran him through and Tyler would have gutted Wednesday where she stood had Enid not drop-kicked his ass

-then there's the fact they've both committed violence to protect the ones they love and 100% do not regret any of it— despite Enid being portrayed as extremely squeamish

-they’re both cunning as hell and they know how to "play their part" to their advantage. Enid can say what would Wednesday do as much as she wants, but at the end of the day the shit she pulled during the Poe Cup was 100% Enid—there’s also, you know,

the way Enid managed to pull one over on Wednesday? she played the part of the "airhead roommate" (yeah you can't convince me that "ew, what died?" when she walked into a crypt wasn't calculated), so Wens would underestimate her. And while we haven’t seen enough of Morticia to judge she always gives off the vibe that she not only knows more than she lets on, she will 100% use it (honestly a lot of Tish's characterization has the benefit of other iterations of her you can use to fill in some blanks). She at the very least seemed to have a contingency plan for every possible thing Wednesday could have tried to get away from Nevermore

-they’re both actually really good at reading people, it’s tied to the above point

-Enid's well-liked enough to not only have friends in multiple different cliques but she’s also on good terms with enough people to be privy to all kinds of gossip, human or supernatural— and judging from what little Weems said, Morticia seemed to be popular way back when too. Though idk if Enid is the school darling to the extent Morticia seems to have been cause the closest we get to the whole school interacting with Enid is, well,

-my absolute favorite parallel tho is how Enid's got Wednesday wrapped around her little finger just like Morticia’s got Gomez. Enid is the only one who can get Wednesday to do anything, from apologizing to Thing to putting her murder board somewhere else—she didn’t even have to ask, it made her uncomfortable and Wednesday just, like, moved it—to wrangle genuine compliments out of her. as a bonus Wednesday goes full My Girl Is Mad At Me I Hope I Die after their fight, which is very Gomez of her

-Enid can't stand staying away from Wednesday. In fact, she can stand it so little she doesn't even wait for Weds to apologize, she just comes back

girl you didn't even give an explanation for why you work, you just got tired of waiting for Wednesday to swallow her fuckin pride and came back all on your own she gave you NOTHING!

And while you could argue this is some Gomez-ass behavior, i think Morticia and Gomez are just as bad as each other on this

-this right here is some Morticia-ass behavior she's so proud:

-the height difference, it's uncanny:

in conclusion, whether intentional or not Enid is more Morticia than Wednesday is and Wens should be actually worried about being too much like her father thank you for coming to my TED Talk

[crusty-chronicles]

I'd love to see Jin with a human girlfriend. I'd love to see him introduce her to Yusuke, Chuu and the others for the first time. She's more of a bookworm type of girl and if you could have her wear glasses that would be amazing! Please and thank you!

Jin With A Human Bookworm S/O

I think just in general he'd be a 10/10 partner

Human or demon, he's absolutely smitten.

That being said, he's a lot more softer with a human S/O

He doesn't want to accidentally hurt you with his strength or worse. Humans are fragile, after all.

He's very hesitant to pick you up and carry you in the air.

Genuinely scared he might drop you.

“One slip up and you go ‘splat!’ I don't wanna be cleanin’ you off the ground. It'd take too long.” He explained. The last part earning a small glare from you. Which he corrected immediately.

“I mean, I'd be devastated at the loss of ya. Now don't go and hit the back of me head! I mean it!”

Your first meeting with the wind demon was…an experience.

The duties of a spirit world Shinobi were extensive. Sometimes extending to the world of the living. Which was where Jin found himself now.

He took care of what he needed to, but that didn't mean he had to go back right away.

It was rare being allowed here without constant supervision.

He couldn't help but take the opportunity to sightsee when he could. Occasionally watching the Living World's inhabitants. Who didn't know just how good they had it.

To bask freely in the sun. The light.

Originally he'd wanted some quiet in a clearing. A place to enjoy the serenity. But he'd caught something from the corner of his eye.

A lone human sitting under a tree.

It was odd by his standards for one to be this far away from the others.

So he decided to watch you for a little while. Hovering a small distance above you with interest.

He noticed you were actually reading. How strange. And when you struggled to turn the page, he sent a small gust of wind to help you. Thinking nothing of it.

Apparently he'd been a little too close.

The sudden wind making you jump and search for the direction it came from.

To your surprise, there was a man above you. Staring at you with equal bewilderment.

“Uh, sir? You're flying.” There was truly nothing else you could think to say. Too shocked to come up with anything else because ‘how the hell was this dude flying?????’

He didn't seem to expect you to address him.

“Huh!?! You can really see me? Quite a bit of awareness goin’ on, dont'cha?” A higher spiritual awareness than most humans.

“A bit of a what?”

All he offered in return was a laugh at your confused expression. Joining you on the ground shortly after and proceeding to dodge your questions about his powers. His work was secretive, you know.

A very baffling first meeting that turned into two. Then three. Then once a month. Then once a week.

It didn't help that spot in the forest was your favorite for reading. Or that he showed up at the exact same time every meeting.

You didn't know a lot about him, except that he wasn't really human. If the ears and horns didn't give it away.

He did talk a lot, just not about himself. He'd ramble about duties and how ‘they were such a bore’. Or fighting other demons and how ‘none of them really compared to Urameshi.’

It was odd. But the way he phrased things made you laugh most of the time. Occasionally you'd gather bits and pieces from the redhead's life. People he knew or things he liked.

You never understood why he kept coming back after the first time. You figured it was because he was bored and wanted to kill time

Which in a sense was true.

But honestly, he liked the attention you gave him.

The way you stared at him with curiosity and interest.

How you always laughed at his jokes.

How you'd put down whatever you were reading to listen to him talk your ear off.

Maybe he liked stopping by a little more than he should've.

And maybe he liked your reactions when he subtly messed with you.

Your frustrated huff when he sent a little gust to trip you up or mess with your hair.

Maybe his face went a little red at the sound of your laughter.

So what? It was all in good fun.

You were good fun.

“Back again flyboy? That's the third time this week,” you greeted.

His visits had become a lot more frequent. Sometimes you wondered how he always knew where to find you, even if you switched spots.

You couldn't say you minded much. He was great company. Still choosing to hover over you while he talked.

“These things really help you see? Whaddya do if they break?” He asked, stealing the glasses from your face.

The times he was on the ground, he liked to ask you questions about yourself.

“Well then I'd be blind. Things would be kinda fuzzy and unfocused.” You tried to swipe them back to no avail.

“So you'd be stumblin’ around like a newborn? You humans really are fragile.”

“Well we can't all be born like you, Mr. 20/20 vision.”

Instead of handing them back, he haphazardly placed them back on your face. They were a little askew, but besides that he did okay.

Today though, he offered a little more of an explanation about why he kept showing up.

“If they do ever break, I'll just carry ya around everywhere so you don't go and hurt yourself.” And maybe his concern had been endearing.

“It's quiet here. Sometimes my ears feel like they're falling off with all the noise out there. ‘Specially with all the orders Risho keeps yapping out.”

He quickly slapped a hand to his mouth.

“Oh! Said too much.”

“Don't you always?” You teased.

“Maybe I do, but you like the sound of my voice.”

“Sure.”

The silence after was peaceful. He was quieter than usual. It gave you the opportunity to ask what you'd been wanting to for a while.

“You know, if you're gonna keep stopping by, I'd at least like to know your name.”

He lit up at your words.

“Jin the Windmaster.”

“Windmaster? That certainly explains a lot.”

And that was how the mysterious flying stranger had become your friend. Then over time - your lover.

Jin is the type to rest his head in your lap while you read.

Wanting to both relax and be close to you at the same time.

If you choose to read to him, he tries not to fall asleep. Key word: tries

But it's inevitable he does. Your lap is just so comfortable.

You let him read to you once.

Never again.

It was a combination of him reading too fast or jumbling up words to the point of being unintelligible. You couldn't understand him for the life of you.

Jin is a very touchy partner. Wanting to have at least one point of contact with you at all times.

Whether it be resting his head on your shoulder or clinging to you from behind, he's always touching you in some way.

He likes to skirt his responsibilities by hanging out with you. Even if he gets in trouble for it.

Consequences be damned, he wants to see his girl!

The first person to find out you were dating was Yusuke.

Why you may ask?

“Urameshi, your mate’s human, right?”

Because he was the one Jin went to for advice 'courting humans.'

“Uh yeah.”

“How'd ya do it?”

Safe to say it was a lengthy conversation. But hey, it worked didn't it?

Yusuke is incredibly supportive about it. 10/10 friend.

And when Jin introduced you to him, he was a little surprised to see the wind demon fell for someone reserved. Someone with a more calm demeanor.

But it works for a reason. You're probably the only one able to reel Jin in when he's over excited.

You 🤝 Keiko - having routy boyfriends who love to fight.

Jin would never risk bringing you to the demon world. He wouldn't be able to handle it if something happened to you.

For that reason, you wouldn't have met his other friends until they visited.

Like Yusuke, Chu and Toya are supportive. Whatever makes their friend happy.

But Chu’s a little more outspoken. Lecturing you like an old man when his daughter dates.

“This guy's one of my best friends. You betta not break ‘is heart!” He warned you, slurring his words together in a way that made you concerned.

“Are you drunk!?!”

“That's besides the point!”

Overall, a relationship with Jin is sweet. A little hectic at times, but he does his best to make sure the messier part of his life is far away from you.

[bowandcurtsey]

Hello, I saw your requests were open

If you don't mind id like to request headcanons of nozel falling for a commoner squadmate s/o? She's very sweet, kind and lovely and has healing magic and she always takes care of him when he's overworking himself or heals him after a tough mission and he was suspicious of her at first but then he understood that her kindness was genuine and he fell in love?

You guys are really quick to make requests, haha! I love it, thank you for making me feel that I'm still relevant. (≧◡≦) I was afraid that I would be forgotten since I'm not as active in writing.

Also, I'm kinda high from alcohol so bear with me if there's a lot of errors.

I miss this grumpy royal so much

Characters: Nozel Silva x f! reader tw: unchecked works , soft and fluffy uwu

Nozel silva has a gigantic wall up around his heart. So he really doesn't trust anyone easily.

He doesn't despise commoners, it's just that he feels that commoners can't really get what it's like to be a royal. Not in a bad way, but like a lot of commoners think that royals have it easy and they have it tough.

Which is not true. Royals have certain stress to go through and certain things to uphold.

So when he met you, he had his guard high up in the skies. He doesn't like opening up because he felt vulnerable and he doesn't really like feeling weak.

At the start, you were just a healer to him. Like any other healers, just doing your job of healing people. He doesn't look down on you, in fact, he's appreciative and grateful for people like you.

He thought that you were just another commoner that wouldn't understand the difficulties of being a captain and a royal.

Until you told him "thank you for you hard work".

He was puzzled honestly, since you were the one doing him a favour by healing him.

But you said that your job was easy, and he had it tough, having to fight on the front lines so that commoners like you could be safe.

He had a good impression on you.

And then the next time, he met you on a battle field. You and your team were there as an emergency rescue mission because the fight was too chaotic and there were too many injured.

You healed him and you were really upset and worried for him. You cared for him and even went the extra mile, bringing him something to drink and some essence to drink.

You told him to "come home safe" and that you'll be waiting for him.

Nobody has done that before; telling him that they'll be waiting for him.

He was a little suspicious, wondering if you were trying to hit on him because he was a royal and a captain. But when he saw that this was how you treated everyone, he felt remorseful for thinking that way.

Compared to you, he was a sinner.

Slowly, he found himself wanting to be around you more. He looked for you all the time to heal himself.

He loved it when you fussed and worried for him.

And what made him realise he was in love was when he felt jealous when you cared for someone else. You fussed about Fuegoleon's injury, saying how it must have hurt and that he needed to be more careful.

It was then that he realised he wanted you to himself. It was a strange feeling for him, being so concerned about someone else that wasn't his family or squad.

It took him some time to accept his feelings and taking the first step to court you. He didn't know how actually, he was worried about what you might like or dislike, or if you might feel that he was too overwhelming.

This royal had tons of insecurity about himself.

He found himself wanting to talk to you and pour out his worries and anxiety.

But you always cared for him and gave him a sense of security. You told him not to overwork himself and to take good care of himself more.

Which not many have done so; people always wanted more and more out of him and they always expected perfection from him.

But with you, he felt at ease, and he felt like he could relax and throw all his worries out the window.

He knew that he couldn't see his future without you in it anymore.

He finally asked you out on a date and nothing in the world has ever felt so right for him. It was the best night of his life and he was the happiest he had been in awhile.

"do I have the honour of asking you to be mine?" he asked you on your third date. He wanted to ask you since the second date but he chickened out.

Of course you liked him too. You felt that everyone only saw the cold and ruthless side of Nozel, but you saw more than that; you saw that this royal was soft and kind inside and that he needed someone to love him and care for him and you had this strong urge to be his everything.

You saw how hardworking he was and how he always put the country and others before himself and it made you want to give him your all and be the one to protect him instead.

From then on, you never looked back. You wanted to give your all to take care of him and make him feel happy.

And he let you into his heart, baring his true self to you. And when Nozel Silva loves, he loves whole heartedly and made sure he would give everything in his power to make you the happiest lady on earth.

[chasedbyatlantic]

highway to hell, joel miller

masterlist summary: IN WHICH — ellie drives a car for the first time with you and joel attempting to teach her, but it doesn't go as you had imagined.

warnings: post outbreak!joel, pre jackson!era joel, female!reader, implied relationship, protective joel, secretive-ish joel, ellie being a fucking comedian as per usual, stripping, swearing. lmk if i missed anything!

wordcount: 2.7k

a/n: this is genuinely so funny to me. i can SO see ellie doing all of this HAHA. plz request ideas for fics i am out of them!!!! also if u want me to write for any other characters. remember to like, comment, reblog, and follow for updates! xoxo

—

It was no earlier than eight in the evening. The sun was just below the horizon (it was late autumn), and the breeze had started to pick up. You, Joel, and Ellie had been up since before the sunrise this morning, continuing your journey down to Wyoming. Right now, you were in the outskirts of the Illinois countryside, in some small town that was in a time capsule from decades ago.

Before the outbreak, you had worked with Joel (and his brother Tommy) in their contracting business, as a secretary (well, secretary-in-training). You decided to stick with him during his travels after the apocalypse had commenced, despite his bitching and complaining about you being there. Though, the complaining only happened for a short while, he learned to appreciate you and enjoy your company, you were one of the few people he had cared about in this horrible world.

It had only been a few months ago since you had met Ellie for the first time. You didn't like her at the start, to say the least - she was an 'annoying little shit', like Joel would say. All Ellie did all day was nag and pester both you and Joel, but she, as well as the two of you, learned to interact peacefully with one and other. Now, all three of you were inseparable. You sure as hell didn't mind this, but Joel didn't want Ellie (or you, for that matter) near him when he would get himself in shit. Oh well, you can't have everything you want.

Ellie was talking to the two of you about something she had probably learned from all the books she had read at the Boston QZ. To be honest, Ellie had taught you lots of things. Not any survival things, far from that, but brainy things that you would have probably needed if you actually ever lived a normal adult life - paying the government, how much you should ideally spend on groceries, etc.

You weren't paying attention to the girl beside you, tuning her out completely. You were far too tired to be in any more conversation than you had to be in right now, and you just really couldn't give a shit about the percentage rate of silverback gorillas being born in American zoos in the late nineties compared to the early eighties. As Ellie was talking, you had spotted a nice little home of sorts, one that the three of you could spend the night in.

"Hey," You had interupted the other two who were in small conversation, "we can spend the night there." A nod was sent from you to the direction of the small home. The other two went silent, Joel had sped up a tad bit, now in front of you and leading the way. "Wait out here, lemme check't out." With that, he was off inside.

Ellie turned to you, breaking the silence. "When're you gonna teach me how to drive, princess?" That was the nickname she gave you, princess. According to her, it was because everyone had always treated you like royalty. You thought different, but it was whatever. "How old're ya'? Twelve? Not yet, missy." This had earned a gasp from Ellie, like she had just seen a ghost. "Fourteen, actually! More adult than yo-"

She had gotten interrupted by Joel stepping out of the small home, "It's clear, y'all're safe t'come in." He did his little head motion, signalling you guys to come in. You began to walk, and Ellie was on your heel. You brought your hand around her shoulder, roughing up her hair. "Soon, promise."

When you two had entered the tiny abode, it reeked of old. You weren't sure if it was the contained moisture, or nobody cleaning the place in twenty years, but it smelled old. "Fucking Christ! Someone open a window!" was exclaimed from Ellie as she moved out from your grip, and plugging her nose. You and Joel had eyed one another, before you moved to the two windows (one each) and hoisted them open. An immediate relief was sent through the room, with a nice breeze of wind following suit.

"So much better." Ellie groaned, now moving over to the couch in the middle of the room. The house was not big at all, there were a total of three rooms. The living space, a bedroom, and a bathroom. The bathroom was totally out of commission, so that meant only two rooms. "Ya' can have the bedroom," Joel had said to Ellie, "We'll take the livin' room."

"Sleep with a fucking pillow divider, please. I am not babysitting any kids in the near future." This had earned a stern look from Joel, and a wack from you. "Bed, now." You told her after she yelped from the hit across her shoulder. "Jesus! Let me go piss, and then I'll go!" You tsked as Ellie quickly and efficiently moved out the front door, to go and do whatever she needed to do.

"Un-fucking-believable." You had only managed to get out, before sitting down on the couch. Joel had let out a small sigh as he removed his gun that was slung over his shoulder. "Kid's got'ta mouth." He sat down beside you, arm now draping around your shoulder. "I fucking know! How does she even- even know what that shit means? Swear ta' god, I was her age'n playin' with barbies."

After not replying to this, knowing it was just going to keep setting you off, he began to unbutton his shirt. You had glanced down, taking the hint Joel was giving to you. You had tugged at the hem of your jeans, sliding them off. This wasn't for sex, not tonight. You two had known each other for years, and you trusted each other with your lives, so you were both able to get undressed in front of each other without a caring what the other would think.

After Joel was just in his jeans, and you were just in your shirt and underwear, you two had melted into the couch. The couch was the cleanest part of the entire room, which was a huge plus- though, even if it wasn't, you would still have a great sleep on it shortly. Joel had his arm wrapped around you once again, and you were pulled into his bare chest. He hated PDA, so it was perfect when the two of you were just alone- even though Ellie knew something was up between the two of you.

"Can we take the day off tomorrow?" Your voice wasn't loud, just barely loud enough for him to hear. You ear was pressed against his chest, head rising everytime he inhaled and exhaled. "'M sorry, ya' know we can't." After Joel had said this, an audible exhale was heard through the room. Joel's thumb started to rub up and down your shoulder, his hand staying in place. "Don'tcha worry, baby. Only a bit longer, then we'll get time, 'kay?"

Before you had time to respond, you heard a booming sound coming from a bit away. It was an engine. You shot up, causing Joel's arm to fall off of you. He had grunted as he sat up, his brain running a thousand miles per minute right now. Then, you two both had a moment of realization. "Ellie."

It felt like an eternity for the both of you before you had your clothes back on, when in reality it only took about fifteen seconds. "We shouldn't have fuckin' let her go out there." Joel had stated as he grabbed his gun and quickly made his way to the door. You were on his heel as Ellie was to you earlier, praying nothing had happened to her. If something did, you would never forgive yourself- and Joel sure as hell wouldn't forgive you either, despite it not being any of your fault.

The door had burst open as the two of you emerged from it, eyes scanning everywhere all at once, looking for the small brunette. As you did this, you could see some sort of headlights approaching quickly. You had grabbed Joel's arm and pulled him down with you. By the speed the car was approaching at, they wouldn't see you at all if you were on the ground. Joel had his gun aimed towards the approaching vehicle (the only reason he hadn't taken a shot was because he couldn't get a clear one, due to how fas the car was going).

Before you could even process it, the car was stopped in front of where you and Joel were, and the window had rolled down. A honk or two was set out, very loudly. You still weren't able to process what was happening, neither did Joel. Finally, after a moment or two, you snapped back (harshly) into reality). "Is that-"

"Get in fuckers, we're going on a road trip!" The familiar brunette you two were so scared you had lost was, in fact, sitting in the front seat of this random pickup truck, the biggest fucking grin on her face. You were on your feet just after Joel was on his, he looked like he was about to kill someone. "Get out'ta the fuckin' car, Ellie." He had slung his rifle back over his shoulder once he knew that she wasn't some sort of raider.

"No can do, Joel-ly boy. I already got yours and the princess's bags in the back. Hop in, I need to show you this cool fuckin' shit I found!" You had only turned to look at Joel, his view still at the young girl. He was thinking to himself. First of all, how the fuck did Ellie find the keys for the corresponding car, and how the fuck was she able to drive it without any previous experience or help? He was dumbfounded at the moment.

All you could do was grab Joel's arm and lead him to the car, Ellie was refusing to get out and well- you promised to teach her how to drive. God, he was going to kill you later. "I told her I'd uh- you know, teach her." You had audibly gulped, your eyes not meeting Joel's. He was silent, the only thing heard was some Brittany Spears song Ellie had playing.

Once your eyes had met his for a split second, he gave a 'fine, but we're having a long talk about this later' look to you. You opened the door for him like the nice person you were, and he hesitantly got in. You were so nervous right now, you felt like you had broken Joel's trust by doing this. But hey, if for some reason Ellie is on her own in the future, she needs to know how to drive a car.

You made your way to the other side and got in the passenger seat. Joel was sitting in the middle seat of the second row, his hands resting on the shoulder of the seats in front. Once the door was shut, you most definitely did your seat belt up. You had turned your head to eye Ellie, as she just grinned at you. "First rule, always wear your fuckin' seatbelt."

You could tell her heart fell by this, "Right- my bad." She quickly pulled the piece of material over her chest and into the lock. "Alright, now-" She had reached over you, and to the compartment in front. "I found some killer albums. Ones that our Joel-ly boy would love. I'm playing them so the mood isn't totally fucked."

You shook your head, eyeing Joel through the rearview mirror. He met the gaze, looking absolutely annoyed. Though, he was silent and just watching what the two of you were doing. Ellie had finished fumbling with the tapes, and removed the one that was playing. She put the new one into the radio system, and tossed the recently-played one into the compartment. The play button was hit.

"Okay, uh- where do I start? I guess now we talk about the gears? Basically, you'll take the shift and-" Your heart had dropped as you were suddenly cut off by the engine roaring, and now going about eighty miles an hour. For some fucking reason, Ellie was laughing. You and Joel were sure as hell not laughing, as a matter of a fact, Joel was screaming with you.

Some 'oh my fucking god!'s and some 'stop!'s were heard through the music, that was now blaring through the car's speakers. Taking a fraction of a second to listen into the music, you had figured out it was Highway to Hell by AC/DC, an old rock band that was popular when Joel was growing up. How fucking fitting for these circumstances.

Joel's hand, from the back seat, had found your shoulder as he held you to the back of your seat. He didn't have his seatbelt on, but he didn't care. He had to make sure you wouldn't go fucking flying through the front windshield if Ellie came to a halting stop. "Stop the fuckin' car! Slowly- off the gas! Jesus Christ!" He was screaming from the back.

Sure, adrenaline was an exhilarating feeling every once in a while, but going eighty miles an hour in a car from someone with zero driving experience? Not exhilarating one bit. Though, Ellie would beg to differ. She was draining out the screams and panicked tones coming from both you and Joel, and was just having a great time.

After another minute or two of screaming and pleading for the girl to stop, the song came to an end- and so did her manic driving. "Ellie-" You were panting, like you had just ran a marathon. In reality, you were panting because you had just held your breath from the exact time the engine accelerated, until now. "-Ellie, pull the fucking car over. Please god." You were in no means religious, but right now you felt like you needed to go to church and pray.

Ellie didn't really know how to pull over properly, so she just- swerved off the road and pushed the car's "off" button. Joel's hand had fell from your shoulder, and he brought both to his face. He covered his face by his hands for a moment, and Ellie smiled to herself. She felt accomplished by this, even though she almost fucking killed everyone (including herself).

After a moment of silence, Joel had made a sound. It sounded like he was crying. Both you and Ellie, in unity, had turned to him in the backseat. It was so muffled that you did think Joel was crying. You immediately brought your hand to his knee, your heart still racing from what had just happened.

It was only after you did this that you realized he was in fact not crying, but had bursted out with laughter. Joel fucking Miller, the most serious man on the planet, was laughing after he almost just died. You had removed your hand from his knee and turned back forward, shaking your head and crossing your arms. "This isn't funny, Joel!"

Ellie turned back after you, glancing in your direction. She couldn't help but burst out with laughter too. Not at you, but at everything (it also didn't help that she, along with you two, were exhausted). Your gaze went from forward, to the left of you, to Ellie. You could only shake your head, disappointed.

But, if you were disappointed, why had you started to laugh as well? This situation sure as hell wasn't funny, to you at least. "I hate you guys." You managed to get out between your laughter fits. Even if you were setting a bad example right now, you couldn't help it. Everyone's laugh was so contagious, despite the current situation.

Moments like this, you would remember forever. You would remember this as the time your psycho kid almost killed you while driving for the first time, and all three of you bursting out with laughter afterward. Even though the world had ended, you couldn't help but enjoy the small moments like this, where you almost died (but didn't), just being surrounded by the people you had loved more than anything. You had learned so much from moments like this, like not to let a fucking fourteen your old girl drive a car without proper lessons, or that Joel Miller was in fact not made out of stone, and he was able to laugh alongside the rest of you.

Even though the world you used to know was gone, you were happy that, whenever it came, you would get to spend your last minutes surrounded by the people you loved most. Joel and Ellie.

—

highway to hell, ac/dc

[thetriumphantpanda]

Ghost of You | J. Miller (Chapter Six)

Series Summary / Grief is a strange thing. In the beginning it had been all-consuming. There wasn’t a moment of the day where you didn’t cry, didn’t ask yourself why it couldn’t have been you instead. And no-one ever explains the guilt you feel when it isn’t anymore. When it’s just a dull ache and you can finally breathe again, when you can start letting people get close to you again. People like Joel Miller.

Pairing / Joel Miller x Widow F!Reader

Word Count / 3.3k

Warnings / Not much to warn you of here apart from some pining, discussions of therapy sessions, a graveyard but that's about it.

Authors Note / We're moving slowly but surely where these two need to be. I hope the slow burn isn't putting too many of you off but I promise within the next few chapters we're going to get to the meat of the story. If you enjoyed this then please consider reblogging, commenting or popping into my ask box with your thoughts and feelings! I love you all and thank you for continuing to support me.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

You were back in Belinda’s office. There was something about sitting there today that brought you back to the very first time you’d sat down with her. Afraid to unpack everything, sitting on the verge of tears, sobbing at the first mention of Mark’s name. It didn’t feel much different this time, tissue clasped in your hand as usual, but you didn’t think it would be Mark’s name that made you cry, you were sure it would be Joel’s. 

“You seem a little distracted today.” Belinda points out, pulling your attention from staring out the window, “Anything particular on your mind you’d like to talk about?” 

You let out a sign and your shoulders slump, “I think I’m confused.” 

“About what?” Belinda asks. 

Another sigh, another slump of your shoulders so you’re practically leaning over your knees to avoid looking at her, “Something happened,” You mumble, “With Tommy’s brother.” 

“Joel?” 

You nod, “He’s a friend, he’s really helped me these past few weeks, this weekend I had them all over, Tommy, Maria, Joel and Ellie and it was such a lovely day, the first time I’d felt genuinely happy in a long time.” 

“Then something happened?” She presses. 

You lean back, looking at her this time, she’d always told you that in order to have difficult conversations you had to face them head on, “Everyone left apart from Joel, we’d been drinking quite a lot and I asked him about his experience with grief, which was fine, but as he was leaving we kissed,” God you felt like a teenager again, explaining to your best friend how your crush had kissed you before class, “And now I’m confused Belinda, and I don’t know what to do.” 

She nods in understanding, “Did you want him to kiss you?” She asks. 

“I don’t know?” You shrug, “I guess I did; I think I’ve been ignoring the fact for a while that I like that he’s looked after me and that he’s one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen, it’s not that I didn’t want it, it’s that when I closed my eyes, all I could see and think about was Mark.” 

“You know, this is entirely normal and understandable,” She’s trying to make you feel better, even if she is the professional, “When we lose someone, especially someone we know romantically, it’s hard not to compare the two people to each other, but that doesn’t mean it’s not something you shouldn’t pursue if you want it,” She notes something down on her notepad, “You do want this, with Joel?” 

“I don’t know,” You groan, throwing your face into your hands, “When we were talking outside before all of this, I told Joel that I almost wished Mark had told me to move on before he died, gave me permission to be happy.” 

“But you don’t need his permission,” She states blankly, “I’m going to speak very honestly with you now, I hope that’s okay?” You nod, giving her permission to go on, “Mark is gone, I know that’s painful, but we don’t know what, if anything, exists after this life, and if you continue to think of what Mark would want you to do for anything then you’re never going to be happy.” 

It was inevitable but this is the moment you start crying. Up until now you think you’d convinced yourself that it might all be a bad dream, that you’ll wake up one morning and he’ll still be there, he’ll make the coffee and you’ll sit together, and everything will be fine. But Belinda is right. He is gone. Has been gone for over a year and he’s not coming back. You dab at your eyes with the tissue. 

“I think Joel makes you happy, am I right?” You nod, “Well then, don’t fight it,” She sighs herself, putting down her pen, “I’m not saying run off and get married, or sleep in the same bed, but if he makes you happy then let him do that, I think you might surprise yourself with what happens.” 

“But what about what everyone else thinks?” 

“Do you want me to answer that as your therapist or your friend?” 

“Both?” You shrug. 

“As your therapist, we already talked about this, unless it’s Tommy or Maria or anyone else you’re close to, it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks,” She pauses and a smirk falls across her lips, “As your friend? Fuck them.” 

You laugh through your tears, blowing your nose into the tissue before balling it into your fist, “Listen, I’m not telling you to rush things, just speak to him, be honest about what’s happening in your head, and if he’s half the man you’ve made him out to be then he’ll understand, and he’ll wait for you.” 

You stand up to leave, “You know, he already told me he would.” 

She’s got her hand on the small of your back to lead you out to the front door, “Well, there you go,” You open the front door to leave when Belinda adds, “Go get your man.” 

*

It’s late afternoon and you’re sat on the back porch soaking up the last of the sun. Finished coffee mug on the table, you’re absentmindedly running your fingers along the table. 

“Oh thank God!” 

You think your heart stops of a second as you let out a scream and turn to the back door, it’s Maria. 

“Fucking hell Maria, a little warning would be nice!” You exclaim, clutching your chest to try and regulate your pulse back to someone who isn’t about to die of a heart attack. 

“Sorry, but I was knocking on the door for ages, I didn’t know where you’d gone!” 

Maria takes a seat next to you and your heart fills with guilt at the fact that you’d worried her, “I’m sorry, guess I was just in my own little world out here,” You speak, “Shouldn’t you be at the council meeting?” 

“Finished early,” She shrugs, “Thought I’d pop by and see you.” 

“Coffee?” You ask, pointing to your empty mug. 

“I’m okay, I think I had three to get me through that meeting, anymore and I’ll be climbing the walls.” 

There’s a moment of quiet between the two of you before Maria speaks again, “So, what’s on your mind then?” 

You run a hand over your face, “My therapy session with Belinda has thrown up more questions than answers and I don’t really know where to start.” 

“Well, two heads are better than one.” Maria coaxed. 

You groan, “You cannot say anything to anyone, not even Tommy, okay?” 

“Cross my heart.” She smiles, doing the motion of a cross over her chest. 

You take a deep breath, “I kissed Joel.” 

“Sorry, say that again?” 

“I kissed Joel.” You say again, louder this time. 

“I thought that’s what you said but I just needed to be sure,” She’s got the same smirk on her face that she had in the market a few weeks ago when Joel had first appeared, “And what’s the problem?” 

“Maria, you know damn well what the problem is!” You snapped. 

“There could be lots of problems, honey,” She soothes, “Did he kiss you without permission? That’s a problem. Was he a bad kisser? That’s also a problem. I’m going to need to know the exact problem you have in order to help you.” 

“For crying out loud,” You grumble in frustration, “Neither of those are the problem, the problem is that I wanted it. I wanted it so bad Maria, and then as soon as I closed my eyes it was Mark, I was thinking about Mark.” 

“Honey, of course you did, Joel is the first person you’ve looked at since he died, of course you’re going to be thinking about him, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.” 

“But he deserves so much more than a woman who only sees her dead husband when she kisses him.” 

Maria reaches out and gives your forearm a hard squeeze, “So do you honey, and the only way that’s going to happen is to keep trying,” Her voice is low and its sweet and you’re so overwhelmed that you start crying again, “He’s a good man, let him learn to love you darling girl.” 

You lean your head back against the chair and look up into the clear sky above you, rubbing at your eyes to try and dispel the tears from falling anymore. You were tired. Sick and tired of this always being the go-to when things got hard or complicated. 

“Maybe you should go and talk to him?” Maria suggests softly. 

“Joel?” You asked, leaning your head to look at her. 

“Well, yes, eventually, but I meant Mark,” She nods her head to the sweet peas on the wall, “Why don’t you take him some flowers and talk to him about everything?” 

You had to admit that you couldn’t remember the last time you’d spent time at his grave. Up until now it had been more painful to imagine him, buried under the earth, rotting away, than it was to go and see him. Maybe this is what you needed though. He was always the person you’d go to with your problems, and although this was a different problem altogether, maybe he could still help. Maybe, in your wishful thinking, he could send you some sort of sigh from beyond the grave. The permission you needed to truly let yourself be happy again. 

You nod, “Maybe I will.” 

Maria smiles and stands, “I should really be getting back home, there’s mountains of documents for me to pour over, but you know where we are if you need us.” 

*

Joel was vaguely aware that Tommy was talking to him. He could hear the usual southern drone of his accent, but he couldn’t hear a word he was actually saying. 

“Are you even listening?!” Tommy pauses, breaking Joel away from his thoughts. 

“Course I am.” 

“Fuckin’ liar Joel, you’ve had your head up in the clouds since we started out this mornin’.” 

“Yeah well, I just gotta lot to think about right now.” 

“Enlighten me then, what do you have going through your mind right now that means you’re away in cloud cuckoo land?” 

“You know you can be really irritating sometimes?” 

Tommy grins at him as they continue their patrol together. It’s the easy route this afternoon which Joel is glad for, his knees are really starting to feel their age now and he doesn’t think that regular patrols on the hills would be a good idea anymore, “I’m your little brother, I’m supposed to be irritating.” 

“You gotta swear to me you won’t breathe a word of this to anyone else, you understand?” 

Tommy is looking at him expectedly, slowing his walking pace down so he can look at his brother. Joel almost wishes he would walk ahead of him, so he doesn’t have to look at his face when he admits what he’s done, but talking with Tommy about this stuff has never been easy. 

“I kissed her.” Joel states simply, not wanting to beat around the bush. 

Tommy stops dead in his tracks; Joel decides to keep walking. He can’t deal with the shit-eating grin he knows will be plastered on his brother’s face. He can already hear the ‘you told me it wasn’t a date’ comment. 

“The longer you stand still, the later we’ll be for dinner,” Joel calls over his shoulder, “I’m not going to be happy with another meager plate of leftovers.” 

He can hear Tommy’s boots hitting the ground behind him and then he’s being clapped on the back, “I didn’t think you had game anymore, big brother.” 

“Would you knock it off?!” Joel exclaims, “It’s nothing to do with game, it was a stupid mistake.” 

“Cut the shit Joel,” Tommy scoffed, “Everyone saw how you were lookin’ at her over that fire the other night, whatever it was, it wasn’t a mistake.” 

“Yeah, well you weren’t there, alright?” Joel is regretting bringing this up altogether now, “Maybe I don’t mean that it was a mistake, lord knows I’ve wanted to for a while now, but fuck, the way she looked at me after, it broke my heart, Tommy.”

“So, she regretted it, not the first time a girl’s come to her senses with you.” 

That earns him a swift slap to the arm, “All she said was that she couldn’t, not right now anyway.” 

“Well then, I don’t know what the issue is?” Tommy shrugs. 

Joel sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, it’s reminiscent of all the time’s Tommy had called Joel from jail to bail him out all those years ago, “The issue is Tommy, that I can’t be around her then, there’s something inside of me that just wants to do whatever I can to make all her pain go away, and the only way I want to do that is to kiss her, but I don’t just want to slot in where her husband left, that ain’t right.” 

Tommy is quiet for a while as they continue walking, he, like Joel, is surveying the land, but like always, it seems quiet. No signs of infected, no signs of raiding parties. They reach the end of the patrol hike and Tommy sits against a tree, taking out his hip flask to take a sip before he hands it to Joel, who gladly takes a drink before handing it back. 

“You know, you’re nothing like him.” Tommy says quietly. 

“Like who?”

“Fuckin’ hell, your memory can’t be that bad,” Tommy takes another drink, “You’re nothing like Mark.” 

Joel doesn’t want to pry, because then it might seem like he’s fishing for compliments in some weird way, but it’s alright because Tommy has never really been able to keep his opinions to himself. 

“Don’t get me wrong, he was a good man, but physically? Completely different.” He passes Joel the flask again, “He was blonde, couldn’t grow a beard if his life depended on it, and let’s not forget younger than you, he was so small and slight, and completely hopeless with anything around the house.” 

Joel’s ears prick, “But she told me when I fixed her step that he always handled that kinda stuff?” 

“That’s because I did all the fixin’ and let him pass it off as his own,” Tommy shrugs, “Don’t ask me why, I guess I can see why she’s gotten under your skin, she’s the sweetest girl I’ve ever met, one of the only girls I would protect with my life, outside Maria and Ellie now.” 

“Does that mean that back porch was all your work?” 

“Course it was Joel,” Tommy chuckles, “He was a lovely man, nice as pie, could never do anything wrong to anyone, we all loved him, loved them together, but brother I can guarantee that there’s no way you’re just going to slot into his place, because you’re nothing alike.” 

“I don’t think that’s really what I’m worried about, I just don’t want anyone to think that I think the only way to help her is to take her to bed.” 

“You��ve been her friend first Joel,” Tommy reassures as he stands up to make the walk back to Jackson, “This is how things happen these days, you meet someone nice, do nice things for them and if things are meant to be, they’ll be.” 

“When the hell did you get so wise?” Joel chuckles. 

“Just focus on the fact that all she said was not right now,” Joel nods in agreement at Tommy’s words, “And maybe, stop acting like you’re fifteen again and just open your mouth and talk to her, you’ll never know what she really means, or feels, if you don’t.” 

*

The sky has decided to match your mood suddenly. Gone are the bright blue skies and the sun, replaced with grey clouds that you think threaten to burst open and soak you any moment. It would be a mercy if they did, it would give you an excuse to leave and go home. It’s like the weather knows that you want to turn and run - it’s why it’s holding off on the rain. 

You’re stood in front of Mark’s gravestone and it kind of feels like you’re having a strange out of body experience. You shake your head and remember the fistful of sweet peas in your hand, cut especially for him. When you look down at them, all you can really hear is that fucking southern drawl that Joel has saying that nickname. You curse him, because even now he’s front and center in your mind. 

You set the flowers down on the earth in front of the gravestone before settling yourself down on the ground with your knees pulled up to your chest. Where do you even start? 

“I’m sorry,” Seems a good a place as any, “I’m sorry I’ve not visited recently.” 

It’s like you’re expecting a voice to respond back, a lump appears in your throat when you realise he’s not going to answer you, “It’s been really hard recently,” You continue speaking, eyes on the gravestone, “I’m trying to get back into life here, I mean, I’m sure if you’re out there somewhere you’ll know, I’ve started going back to work, and I can finally leave the house without Maria.” 

A lone tears drips down your cheek, which you brush away, “I’ve even made new friends, there’s this new guy here called Joel and his daughter, Ellie, well, he treats her like a daughter, but he lost his first daughter on outbreak day,” You’re rambling, even to his gravestone, you’re rambling, “Anyway, that’s not important.” 

You’re quiet for a moment because you really don’t know what to say, “I wish I didn’t miss you so much, Mark,” You sniff, “It would make this so much easier, but I think Joel might become more than my friend, I don’t even know how it’s happened Mark and I’m so sorry, I don’t feel like I’ve mourned you for long enough, but he’s a good man, he’s kind and God you’re so different from each other, but I think he might be good for me.” 

There’s such a relief in admitting this to yourself more than anything, that Joel might be good for you. You’ve always been different around him, whether you wanted to accept it all not. He could effortlessly pull smiles from you, make you laugh, make you cry when he was kind to you, he’d pushed you in ways you really needed. 

“I think I know you’d want me to be happy Mark,” You sniffle through tears, “But God, if you’re there, give me a sign, just give me something, I’m begging you,” You rub at your face, “Please?”

You don’t really understand what it was you were looking for. Before all this, your friends had told you that their loved ones came back as something to signal they were still around. You remember Jessica from your high school math class mentioning her grandfather came back to visit them as a bumblebee because he liked gardening. Your parents hadn’t reappeared as anything, you hadn’t noticed an abundance of anything that might signify that they were looking out for you, and this was no different. There was nothing, no birds singing in a tree that you could convince yourself was Mark. 

You drop your head into your knees and resign yourself to the feeling of emptiness when there’s a warmth on your back. You lift your head and turn around. The sun is breaking through the clouds behind you and when you look around, the sun is beaming directly onto you and Mark’s gravestone. A sob leaves your lungs and the biggest feeling of relief washes over you. Maybe it was the biggest coincidence you’ve ever known, but by God you’re going to take it. The sign you’d begged for. The sign that you knew you didn’t really need. The sign that Mark would want you to be happy, and if it’s Joel that did that, then so be it.

You rise to your knees and put a hand on the top of the gravestone, lightly pressing your lips to it, “Thank you.” Is all you whisper before you’re gone. 

PREV | NEXT

Joel Miller Taglist - @winwin70@jessie8605@trulybetty@amanitacowboy@morning-star-joy@tieronecrush@leeeesahhh@babeincolor@beee-haw@kirsteng42@mirandablue1@sixxslut@impala1967dwinchester@flash2412@gimmebackmysoul@kelp-dreaming@gracie7209@voteforpedro09@brittmb115@karokaroxx@amb11@heartfairy @grumpy-the-tired @Lillilotus @doctorstatic@morallyinept@southernbe@elissaa@pop-sugar102@u-luciferssatanicdaughter@alyhull@purplerain44@harryleatherfit@lovely-ateez@emilianamason @bootyliciousposts @lorilane33@casa-boiardi @cupofjoel @dinsdjrn @tightjeansjavi @cavillscurls

[jon-withnoh]

Give me the hot Elisabeth and Rebecca takes!

Sure thing! (Oh boy this turned out long.)

Elisabeth disclaimer: this is purely based on vibes. I have some knowledge of the historical background, but it’s not really my field of study.

Rebecca disclaimer: this is my field of study and I have very strong opinions on it, though I do not claim that I am always correct. I do however maintain that I could back up many of my claims if I had the time to do proper textual analysis and read secondary sources.

I genuinely think Elisabeth (the musical as it was written) is a masterpiece. The framing device, the way certain melodies mirror each other to foreshadow events or indicate character development — it’s amazing! Plus, the music is ridiculously good. 100/10. I love this musical.

Most stagings/recordings of Elisabeth since 2012 though? More than questionable. Levay/Kunze musicals in general appear to be following a pattern where the original production and a maybe one or two productions after it are full of nuance and complexity, only to have that complexity broken down and reduced over time. That is no fault of the musical itself, but a worrying trend of not trusting audience to be able to handle nuance and trying to make every element of a production more palatable and easier to handle. I hate it. Both the 1992 and the 2005 Wien productions have so much to recommend them (I can’t speak for the German productions but would humbly turn over the questions to more Elisabeth-versed mutuals like @fitzrove), but it all seems to be going downhill.

HOT TAKE: I think bringing on more and more “Broadway-sounding” performers to do both Elisabeth and Rebecca is a mistake. For me, Levay/Kunze shows have a very specific sound to them, a sound that fits into European musical theatre and makes sense for when and where they were created. Hiring almost exclusively people with a way more modern, belt-y sound is not a direction I personally like for these shows. Don’t get me wrong, this is not about any specific performers, it’s about trying to change the sound of these shows into something more akin to a big Broadway musical and that really doesn’t work for me. Both Elisabeth and Rebecca are so idiosyncratic in how they sound and how they’re written, trying to make them fit into a mould they don’t belong in does them a disservice. (Looking at you, VBW.)

Maybe not a hot take: but I love the 2005 Wien production of Elisabeth so much. It was my first exposure to the musical and remains my go-to cast album. It certainly has faults and I totally understand why people might gravitate towards different productions, but since I haven’t listened to the full 1992 Wien and 2001 Essen (?) productions yet, I can only compare it to 2012.

REBECCA HOT TAKE: Michael Kunze has stated that he views Rebecca as first and foremost a love story and I think he is WRONG. Daphne du Maurier herself would probably think he was wrong (seeing as she hated the story being described as a romance). This is a core problem with Rebecca das Musical. There are many things to love (Danny, Danny, Beatrice, and did I mention Danny?), but in my opinion, the whole “this is a great love story” angle does it a huge disservice. Let’s make it weirder! Let’s make it as bleak as it fucking is! (Probably not a crowd pleaser but let me have my fun).

Rebecca the musical could have done with some serious editing.

The Magdeburg production of Rebecca, which I am aware was not very accessible to a lot of people, might be one of the best productions of Rebecca ever. Kerstin Ibald absolutely knocked it out of the park with her Mrs Danvers and gave her all the nuance and emotion we so desperately crave. Her Danny is so broken, so lost. Patrick Stanke’s Maxim strikes the perfect balance between the haughty upperclass Englishman who takes kind of a fatherly tone with his young wive, and the haunted, jealous husband who absolutely did murder his first wife. Also in this production Maxim and Ich finally have some chemistry! This production’s Ich (Sibylle Lambrecht, I think) has such a great character arc and it is completely believable that she is into Maxim, even (or especially??) after his confession. Plus, the set design was amazing!!!

More Rebecca hot takes that I’ve definitely brought up before: I know we all like to write Ich as a repressed queer woman who ends up not being all that into Maxim, but honestly, she probably is very attracted to him. We can speculate about the why, but like, it is strongly implied that they have sex for the first time shortly after Maxim’s confession. She wants him.

I maintain and will die on this hill that making Danny sing “Ich liebte sie, doch sie hat mich verraten” is a mistake. I mean, yes please let Danny tell us she loved Rebecca, but come on. Danny doesn’t lose her faith in Rebecca. She doesn’t stop idolising Rebecca. Whatever her reasons for setting Manderley on fire may be it’s not that she thinks Rebecca betrayed her. I don’t even think Danny thinks highly enough of herself to even consider feeling betrayed by Rebecca. Rebecca is god to her.

I definitely have more, but this post is really long and I’m running out of steam… Hope you enjoyed!

[szollibisz]

do u have any HCs abt mama mega and Curt and Tatiana… they are SO important to me as a little family

yessss i love them dearly <3

Tatiana is one of those people who don't like making a huge deal out of their birthdays, but Curt knows Mrs. Mega would absolutely go overboard in celebrating it. So him and Tati keep saying random dates hoping she'll forget them eventually (both of them feel kind of bad about it, but not enough to not do it) But Mrs. Mega catches on, and one day calls them out on it and they just both end up sitting there like little kids getting scolded by their mom. When they come clean about why they did it, Mrs. Mega tells them that they should've just told her. She still ends up making Tatiana's birthdays a bigger deal than she wants them to, but she is toned down compared to herself. She also wishes her a happy bday on all the fake dates they gave her, just to remind them.

Curt and Tatiana are generally pretty physically affectionate with each other, but keep that to a minimum when Mrs. Mega is around in fear that she will marry them right then and there.

Tatiana isn't used to good food, she'll honestly just eat whatever is in front of her. She also has a habit of not reheating leftovers if she's tired, and sometimes either Curt or his mom catch her eating cold 3 days old leftovers and they both have the exact same disapproving expression.

Mrs. Mega is a super active member of basically any elderly club in the area, be that bingo, dancing, knitting etc. Which comes with a lot of drama. Whenever she gets back from a controversy-filled day, she always tells Curt and Tatiana in detail. At first Curt thinks it's really embarrassing, but seeing how Tatiana is amused, he also starts to get into it. Like Really into it. That guy would be soooo bitchy and gossipy if he actually had a social life. In the end the 3 of them just gossip about elderly ladies and their affairs over dinner every time they get together.

If Tatiana's mom and Mrs. Mega met they would instantly become besties, but they would also argue every 2 seconds.

Tatiana sleeps the most calmly when she's in the safehouse. It was one of the first places she truly felt safe and relaxed in after being on the run for so long, and that feeling never went away. Also Mrs. Mega absolutely has 500 blankets and pillows in that house, so it's kind of impossible to not sleep super cozily. Plus Tati has her personal space heater (Curt) if the blankets don't suffice

Speaking of heat, Tati has pretty bad tolerance for it, so she doesn't really visit Guadalupe during the summer

Curt and Tatiana have a lot of mental issues due to all the violence they've done witnessed and endured. After Owen "died" Curt didn't have anyone who understood that aspect of his life. And for Tatiana, some other girls she was trained alongside with were genuinely her friends, but after she escaped she really couldn't contact anyone she knew, nor make civil friends, lest she puts them in danger. So they are super important to each other when dealing with extended effects of espionage™. Comforting each other, keeping Curt out of his depressive spirals, and helping Tatiana adjust to a normal life.

Tatiana, growing up in the soviet union, is not used to a lot of the new modern stuff in the us. She reads a lot of magazines and tells Curt to buy himself whatever caught her eyes that day. He has to tell her that no, he's not getting a second washing machine or a second fridge, just because it's "really cool"

IIIiiiiiii could go on, but I am tired, so I won't. Hope you like these.

[sfwregressionfanfictions]

Growing pain: Johanna Mason x little reader

Summary: Johanna and (Y/N) find ways to live after the pain.

Wc: 4k

Tw: hunger games details, mentions of death and gore. Less that The Hunger Games , but more that the average agree fic.

I feel like I’ve lost control of everything since the games ended and the rebellion succeeded. After years of torture, it was over but I wasn’t over it. Mentally I was never free. I feel it lurking around every corner, in my brain and physically.

I see the faces of the people I killed in the arena and for the rebellion. I see the faces of those I lost: Finnick, bogs and so many others. I see the torture I endured in the capital and in my district. I cannot sleep due to this haunting.

I’m lucky enough not to be alone. After the rebellion won the therapist said both Johanna and I should not live alone. We both quickly decided we tolerate each other well enough, so we would rather live together than have a “babysitter”. We still have mandatory therapy appointments but most are done on the phone.

Johanna was loud and harsh a majority of the time, she seemed to have calmed down slightly since our freedom was established. She was outspoken still but she was honest and genuine. She always tried her best to calm me during my episodes, she has improved her ability to empathize but still struggles.

She says I help ground her too. I never feel like I do, but I suppose I can’t determine how she feels. She sometimes talks about how we met, she talks about how she saw me during my games while she was the mentor, and she discusses the past and who we were. Johanna has grown nostalgic, talking about the innocence in my eyes during my first interview. It’s hard to remember. I’m only 21 now, but it’s hard to remember when I was a child or when I had a childhood.

Even before the games, I fought to survive and help my family survive. I trapped animals by the fences and worked for anyone willing to pay. And not to talk about the horrors from after my first game.

Now we live in a house on the edge of the woods in district 7. Johanna has started building a log cabin farther into the woods, as she has wanted to do for a long time, it’s part of her therapy I think. I meet with my therapist meets with me every Saturday morning, and so far she’s said I’ve made no improvements.

She wants to actually meet in person this weekend so we can try a new method. I agreed, only because I knew Johanna would be in the woods. She would probably stay close enough to hear me if I scream, she’s always nervous to leave me with strangers.

Johanna had left early for the woods, claiming she wanted to get a lot of work done. My therapist showed up with a large bag over her shoulder. She made herself comfortable in Johanna and my living room. She accepts my offer of water, rejecting coffee or tea.

“So how have you been sleeping?” She asks, as soon as I sit across from her.

“Umm… The usual amount… I guess maybe a little more…” I reply shyly. I hated that question.

“That’s good that you are increasing your sleep, even just a little. That’s a huge step for you!” She said, she was sincere, but I always feel like she’s being sarcastic. “What about nightmares?”

“No change,” I said almost too fast. It’s not that there was an increase in number, it was an increase in severity.

“Okay, now I was hoping you would be willing to talk about what you were like before the games?” The therapist asked.

“God it’s been so long, I guess I was a normal child? I mean I had a family, I went to school, worked. I was the average kid in my district.” I reply.

“So what I’m hearing is you never really had time for those key parts of being a kid?” The therapist asked, “Did you feel like your needs were being met in all capacities?”

“Yeah! My family gave me the best life they could!” I yell, I felt like she was spitting on the efforts and the fight they put into providing the life I had.

“I didn’t mean to offend you, I simply meant compared to that of perhaps a capital child!” The therapist explained, “the reason I brought it up is so I could be positive that this therapy had a chance to be helpful.”

“What is this therapy?” I said reserved again.

“So it’s called age regression. It is a coping/therapeutic method that helps you reconnect to your inner child, to a point where you were safe and felt loved.” The therapist explained, “what it is, is you revert to a childlike mental state where you will have a chance to engage with like like you are that age.”

I grumble, almost embarrassed that this is even a suggestion. I think about how Johanna’s therapist told her to build the house she wanted and acknowledge the way she feels. AND I GET TURNED INTO A BABY?

“You don’t seem thrilled by the idea, however, I would really like you to give it a genuine try.” The therapist said, “I won’t ask you to attempt in front of me as I know you aren’t ready for that yet. But I would also like you to reflect if there was any time you might have accidentally or unintentionally regressed okay?”

“Yeah, I guess I can try to do that.” I signed.

“Okay, I will leave you with this bag of different items that might help you regress. And how about we call next week and meet in person the time after that?” She asked.

“Yeah, that will work for me,” I said staring at the bag as if it could come alive at any point.

She was quick to leave after that. Once I was alone, I picked up the bag. However, the door goes flying open, and in comes Johanna. She tried to play it cool, but it was obvious she wanted to make sure I was okay.

“What’s in the bag?” Johanna immediately asked, pointing her ax at it.

“Apparently stuff for a new type of therapy…” I gave up the information.

“Yeah? Morphling? That’s some good stuff to help you forget the pain.” She jabs at herself, she had an intense addiction after she was held in the capital.

“Umm… no… I don’t know exactly what is in it…” I didn’t lie, I technically didn’t know exactly what was in the bag.

“Okay,” She raised her hands as a surrender, “I have to get back to work, but I’ll be back before dinner tonight.”

“Okay, be safe,” I reply.

“Obviously, got a lot to do still!” She replied.

With Johanna gone, I brought the bag to my room. I closed to door and immediately started going through the bag. I was almost embarrassed to say that I was excited, it felt like I was getting lots of gifts.

On the top of the bag, I pulled out fake stuffed animals, a bunny, and a bear. I giggled lightly thinking of how Jo and I presented, the stuffed animals looked like us. I was fast and jumpy during my games, like a bunny. Johanna was strong and sturdy with her axe during her games, like a bear.

I go into the bag again and find a few types of dolls. Then I pull out diapers, I yelp at this. I placed the diapers very far away, I wasn’t willing to try that! I grab another item quickly to avoid lingering on the diapers. The item I pull out is a storybook. It was a picture book, it looked like something I would have enjoyed as a kid.

I dove into the bag again, this time pulling out a coloring book. I could do that and not feel too embarrassed. I continued pulling stuff from the bags, primarily toys, pacifiers, and teethers.

With everything laid out, I decided that I was willing to try the coloring books and teethers/paci tonight. The stuffed animals somehow already made themselves at home on my bed. I guess I should put on something comfortable and try what the therapist said.

Once cozy, I lay on the floor and begin looking through the coloring book. I settle on a picture of a Pegasus with butterflies. I begin coloring the picture, I start on the butterflies, coloring the wings a burnt orange. I was cautious of the edges.

Soon enough, I was done coloring the butterflies and I am feeling slightly fuzzy in the head. It was odd, it felt like when I would go to the parties in the capital and would drink the strange bubbly drinks, that always made me giggly. I was giggly now too. I notice I am not holding the crayon correctly anymore. I am gripping it in my fist, and rubbing it against the page.

I feel light, almost weightless. It is nice to feel so carefree, I am childlike again. I feel like when I was 7. I dive back into coloring, one page turns into two turns into a handful. My drawing begins to ignore the lines and I pick the most fun colors rather than the ones that would work together the best. I start sprawling on the floor, rubbing my eyes with my balled-up fist, and haphazardly swiping my hair out of my face with no grace.

I suppose it must have been a while since I began my session. Because it grew dark in my room, as the light from the window faded out of view. I whimper at the change in light, I feel silly being scared of the dark but I was so small. Smaller than when I was 7, I wanted Johanna. I always felt safe with her. However, I couldn’t let her see me like this. I felt embarrassed that this made me feel better, I should be able to deal with it like every other victor. But here I am sprawled on the ground giggling at the pictures I color, as my thumb migrates toward my mouth. Just as it passes my lips, the slamming of a door startles me. Johanna always was rough on the doors after a long day.

“(Y/N)?” She yelled out from the living room. I freeze, think big thoughts, think big thoughts I repeat to myself.

“Yes?” I yell back, I sounded wrong. I move to get up and go to the door, hoping she wasn’t set on coming into my room as there was no time to get everything hidden before she comes in. I was lucky enough to slip out before she made it to my door. I smile at the sight of her sweaty frame, she had been working hard on the cabin. Seeing her like this was always slightly domestic, she had a slight smile and her axe was left at the door.

“What have you been up to, birdie?” Johanna asked, she called me that as the first time we met, I squawked like a bird. I did not mean to she startled me and now she wouldn’t let me live it down.

“I was doing something that the doc wanted me to do…” I reply shyly, It was scary to talk about treatment. Johanna would want to know, making a comment about ‘supporting’ each other. She acted like it was important to us, but I think she just likes being nosy. “I meant to make dinner, but I go distracted…”

“You sound off, weird almost,” Johanna said bluntly, she didn’t mean it in an offensive way she just spoke like that. “How about we cook up some soup now? We got that rice from district 11 that you liked, we can try to make the rice soup seeder made that one time.”

She always seems to remember the small things that I liked. Last week, she decided to visit Finnick (He was alive but had some nasty scars from the muttations.), and came back with a Tupperware of the same dessert Annie made for her baby shower. I mentioned once that I wish I had the recipe so I could remake it, but I knew it was an important family recipe for Annie so I didn't pry.

“I would like that…” I reply, I sounded small and innocent still like a child. Johanna said nothing this time, I suppose she didn’t care enough to point out that fact.

“Start filling that pot up with water, I’m gonna clean up a little,” Johanna says walking to the bathroom, Johanna has gotten better with showers and water in general. She doesn’t freak out about water she knows is going to touch her, but surprise water still gets to her. Puddles, rain, and any splashes.

Once the pot is filled up, Johanna is out of the shower. She is dressed in a tank top and sweatpants. She looks so pretty.

“All filled up, what is the next step chef?” I asked my voice almost back to normal. I still felt slightly fuzzy in my head.

“You are gonna chop up some broccoli, and I am going to make the base and rice.” She said she was always good at delegating work.

With that, she’s pulling goods out of the pantry and fridge, and I am getting the knife and cutting block. By the time I get the large block of wood, I am pretty sure Johanna made it. If I was being honest, using a knife made me nervous still. I would start to shake and think back to my game.

I stood there staring at the board that had broccoli sitting on it, the knife in my hand. I didn’t mean to space out at this scene. I must have stood there too long, not moving. I felt a hand wrap around mine, as I hold the knife. My head whipped around only to see Johanna’s pity-filled smile.

“It’s just broccoli,” Johanna said, it was blunt. It was meant to be soothing though, it worked better on me than it would on others. Johanna did the leg work of cutting up on veggies while I just leaned back into her sturdy frame.

Johanna was always overly gentle with me, even when she was rough on me it did not compare to the roughness she had towards others. When she had flashbacks or breaks, she never hurt me. She would scream and cry, trying to get me away, but would never hurt me. When we first moved back to district 7, she would rarely shower due to her fear of it, however, I slowly got her to shower. I would stand in the way of the water and she would let the mist that bounced off me hit her. It took a while but she eventually got to a point where she was comfortable showering alone.

“You know you can tell me what your head doctor said to you right?” Johanna asked, before following it up, “Or I could call her and have her tell me…”

“I feel like that would be breaking a rule,” I giggled at her. We placed the knife down as we finished cutting the vegetables.

“Then tell me, little bird,” Johanna said, as she poked at my sides. I felt my face go red and my eyes water a bit.

“You will make fun of me, and then leave me here alone,” I reply looking down at my hands.

“Now, does that sound like something I would do?” She asked as she dumped the vegetables into the soup and left it to simmer. “What if I told you something that my head doctor told me to do that I don’t like?”

I stood there, ‘would I trade a secret for a secret?’. I nod as I pull myself onto the counter to sit.

“My doctor says it's important that I start connecting with more people and try to connect on a different level…” Johanna all but groaned out.

“Like date someone?” I squeak back.

“I suppose, something about taking care of someone I connect with and care about… blah blah blah. Like I pay attention to that.” Johanna huffed, her eyes bearing into mine as to say she wanted to say more, to be vulnerable but wasn’t able to form the words.

“Do you not want to ever have that? Someone that loves you as you love them?” I ask quickly, I was never good at hiding my feelings. I always had an affection for her, although I tried to break it. As Johanna would always refuse to love another person after what happened to her.

“I…” She starts and trails off as she stares into my doe eyes. She bit the inside of my cheeks as her eyes flicker to my lips. “Stop trying to stall, tell me what your stupid head doctor said.

I stare at her for a second before reaching my pinky out and asking her if she would still stay with me no matter what. She connected our fingers with a small scuff at my antics. I soon spoke, “So she said before we could deal with the trauma from the games and the umm… you know afterward. I have to address the trauma I have from my childhood…”

“What the f*** does that even mean?” Johanna says, getting angry that the doctor wasn’t just fixing me. I appreciate that she cares this much, but she was being loud and aggressive about it and it startled me.

“She wants me to create a safe childhood for myself…” I am still picking at my nails but I am hyper aware of her shifting next to me.

“What?” She was confused, I could almost hear the cogs turning in her hair.

“She ummm… she wants me to regress…” I finally say, Johanna still didn’t understand but she faked a smile.

“Well, do you think it will fix the screws that are loose?” She asked, it was all she could, she didn’t know anything about it. All I could do was shrug before turning my attention to getting bowls and spoons.

Johanna did not push the topic anymore, at dinner she talked about how the cabin was coming along. She said that I was going to get to decorate it, she would make any furniture I wanted. It was her way of sharing what mattered to her. Her love language

I told her the following day I was going to go into the market to get groceries and asked if there was anything she needed. She said no like always, she always wanted to be the provider. I only smiled and nodded before resuming eating my soup.

The evening was like any other, Johanna and I sat on the couch. She is reading a book about an adventure that takes place far away from here. I sat close to her, writing a grocery list. My head eventually makes its way to her lap. Her hand finds its way to my head, playing with strands, almost petting me. Johanna and I fell asleep like this, I was the first to fall asleep obviously.

This happens a lot, usually when this happens Johanna will either carry me to bed or if she is tired also she will simply wiggle in. She tries to wake up before me so I dont catch her being soft but sometimes I get lucky. I was not lucky that morning, she was gone by the time I woke up. She was most likely in the woods again or perhaps she went to speak with the lady down the street to get a new ax head made.

I did not fret over her whereabouts, she was strong and reliable. I was quick getting ready, I loved days at the market. Now that people are able to enjoy life, the market was light and airy. Kids played and danced, there was always music playing and the shopkeepers were always throwing extra into my bag, as I was a ‘leader’ in the rebellion. I always refused the gifts, I was never a leader, simply a survivor.

Today I stopped by a small flower stand, I always pause to look at them. I could never get myself to buy them, I feel like a capital citizen using money on lavish goods when people could be starving. I am aware the war is over and the likelihood of starvation is low with the new leadership.

I was in the market for about two hours before deciding to walk back to victors village. I took what was considered the long way back, and it only took an additional 5 minutes. However, I enjoyed the extra 5 minutes of birds singing and trees so tall I couldn’t see the top.

When I returned, I opened the door to find Johanna on the couch reading a book. ‘Must have decided to have a short day,’ I think as I drop the groceries in the kitchen before walking over to see how she was. Once I walk back into the living room, I see the title of the book she was reading. I freeze, “Age regression: explanations and tips”. There were other books all similarly themed.

“What are you doing?” I ask nervously. I nibbled on my lip to keep from attempting to remain grounded.

“Reading.” She said dryly, flipping the page. She was obviously enthralled by the book. She had tabs sticking out of it and a pen in her lap.

“You don't have to read that, you can act like nothing is happening!” I meekly reply. I want to cry from embarrassment, how could I be doing this nonchalantly. This is embarrassing.

“Why would I do that? That is stupid.” She didn’t spare a glance away from the book, “Do you need help with the groceries?”

“Umm… No, I can do it. You don’t have to worry about it.” I sputtered out as she finally glanced away from the page she was on, placing a bookmark in it and stood up.

“Too late, you are stuck with my help.” Johanna grunted walking past me to the kitchen.

I follow behind, looking lost. All I could really think of was ‘why?’. Why would Johanna go out of her way to do this for me? Why did it seem she was enjoying my suffering?

“Ohhh, you got the stuff for the meal we had when Katniss visited! It was tasty. When are we making it?” She asked, snapping me out of my mental tirade.

“We can make it whenever, there isn't a specific day I was planning to make it.” I reply, grabbing the bag that held the fruits I bought us.

“Cool, cool. You should read some of the books I got, they are really informative.” She said, watching me like she did during the 75th hunger games. Cautiously, ready to save me from an unseen force.

“Why did you get them?” I ask, staring at the apples I placed in our fridge.

“Well we are gonna be living together for a while so I thought I should at least know a little of what was going on in that head…” Johanna trailed off, an unsureness settling over us.

We let the silence fill the room until she lets out a forced cough. I popped my head up from were I was squatting, still holding the food I meant to put away. She spoke, “So I read that usually regressors have a caregiver, did your doc say anything about getting one?”

I shook my head, not knowing exactly what it was. I did understand she seemed bitter about it. She seemed glad to know I wasn’t planning to get one, she was rather territorial.

“Okay, for now perhaps, I could take on that role? Then my shrink is happy and I know that you are safe.” She suggests.

“Okay, I suppose that’s okay. I don’t know what that means though.” I said.

“I will teach you”

[avelera]

"I read it to find out what the fuss was about, and remained somewhat puzzled; it seemed a lively kid’s fantasy crossed with a school novel, good fare for its age group, but stylistically ordinary, imaginatively derivative, and ethically rather mean-spirited."

- Ursula K. Le Guin

It's been understandably popular to take pot-shots at Harry Potter lately because of JK Rowling's truly disgusting and reprehensible comments lately. This quote above by Le Guin, which I agreed with even while a teenager, got me thinking about my own views on the series and apropos to nothing, I felt this was a better place to expound upon them than Twitter.

I have a knee-jerk dislike of the very human condition of saying we, "Always knew something," after the fact, that we "Always knew" someone problematic™️ was problematic or we always knew this thing that was popular was Bad Art after it became less popular. I find it intellectually dishonest.

So I'll preface all of this by saying: I had minor issues with the Harry Potter series back when it came out that went against the mainstream view of it, in that I thought it had many good qualities as a book series, but not enough to warrant its popularity compared to other, similar YA and fantasy series. I was genuinely baffled by its superstar popularity but as a fantasy book reader in the days before it was easy to access online fandom, I would take what I could get and I certainly didn't mind fangirling about Harry Potter stuff with friends even if it wasn't my #1 favorite series of all time. I enjoyed the fanfic for Harry Potter immensely so that allowed me to sort of blend in with those who enjoyed its popularity. (Special shoutout to MY favorite Harry Potter book of all time, "Harry Potter and the Battle of Wills" by Jocelyn over on fanfiction.net, that was MY Harry Potter series lol.)

So here's the thing, it's easy to say, "I always hated Harry Potter" or "I always knew it was trash" and that's a lie. For me, the truth is:

I enjoyed Harry Potter much like I did many of the fantasy series of its day.

What they had going for them was their pacing, whimsy, and inherent mystery structure in the first 3 books. They're fast, fun, easy reads with a likable protagonist. They are not bad books. But as Le Guin says, they're stylistically ordinary and imaginatively derivative. There's a lot of books like them.

I did not think the books were better than Pratchett, or Gaiman, or Garth Nix, or Dianne Wynn Jones, or any of the many other fantasy authors I was reading at the time. I was confused by their popularity as compared to better books like Pratchett's Discworld which, while popular, never got a theme park made for them in terms of order of magnitude popularity.

Now, JK Rowling on the other hand I had some issues with from the start, if not the ones that emerged later with her being a bigot. It is worth mentioning for the sake of intellectual honesty that decades ago, she gave a lot to charity and was a voice for tolerance in the early 00's when Bush/Blair, the Iraq War, etc were in full swing. It makes it all the more heartbreaking and baffling to see her swing towards bigotry on LGBT+ issues. Truly, a lot of young people first learned to stand up to fascism and be accepting of those different from them because of Harry Potter, just like they did reading the Ender's Game series by Orson Scott Card, and in both cases it's absolutely heartbreaking and so very confusing to see these authors fall to the very dark side they wrote against in their books. I have no answer for how or why this happened. I don't say this to make an excuse for either of them, simply to express confusion and mourn the loss of someone who was once a voice for some level of good in the world.

Now, my issues with JK Rowling were writerly, and they are the ones I feel somewhat empowered to say I "always knew" and "always had an issue with" and that, like the worst sort of hipster, "I talked about before it was cool".

Really my dislike began when JKR very famously said in the early 00s that she didn't read any fantasy before writing Harry Potter. Considering how derivative it is (heck, Neil Gaiman already had a YA series about a black-haired wizard boy with a scar) it left one wondering if she was lying or she truly was that ignorant in the genre in which she wrote. Either way, not a good look, and it soured me towards her pretty permanently as an author.

Terry Pratchett, the author I would actually follow into Hell, criticized her for this comment and got a lot of flack for it, asking how in the world she could not realize she was writing fantasy. This solidified my opinion of her as something of a hack, even if she had stumbled upon a winning story. Neil Gaiman also chimed in saying he didn't feel ripped off but seemed to tacitly agree with Pratchett that her lack of institutional knowledge about fantasy was odd.

As a big fantasy fan of the early 00s, I can say that fantasy was still a bit of a forbidden genre (at least in the Anglosphere), one not taken seriously. So for JK Rowling to be asked if she wrote fantasy had a layer of nuance, basically she was being asked if she meant to write a fantasy novel, ie, in a "lesser" genre, barely above dime story penny dreadfuls in value.

No one literary would admit to writing fantasy at the time, it was a whole thing where if you admitted to writing fantasy you were "downgraded" as an author in terms of prestige (Stephen King went through a lot of this). BUT, if a fantasy book achieved popularity, it was labeled as "literary" so the literary folks could claim ownership of the quality genre fiction, and never have to admit that "literary" is a genre and not a mark of quality (a deep-seated rage button issue for me and a rant for another day).

So when JK Rowling said, "She didn't know she was writing fantasy." That meant something. And what it meant was she was throwing the rest of the genre under the damn bus. With her visibility she could have helped actively tear down the biases against fantasy (something she did indirectly with the popularity of her books). Or she could have simply had humility and said she wasn't as versed in the genre as she should be given where her book ended up being shelved, but there's a lot of good works there and she's honored to be among them.

She did neither. She stuck to her ignorance (what would become a common trait of hers, apparently) and did very little to elevate others in the genre, or the genre itself, and indeed, seemed to try to distance herself from it in what was the safe move at the time.

I cannot stress enough how intellectual dishonest, arrogant, and safe it was for popular writers who got dubbed "literary" when they were in fact writing genre fiction to cleave to that title of literary, guard it jealously, and refuse to acknowledge that literary is a genre of its own, not a mark of quality. To be labeled "genre fiction" was to be considered "lesser" and that stigma is still out there, though much lessened by the wave that began with the Lord of the Rings movies, Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, and the Marvel films making so much money and really setting up genre fiction to at least be seen as lucrative if not artistic. We have come a long way from how fantasy was viewed 20 years ago.

JK Rowling also said she wrote no other books before Harry Potter. That's another puzzling instance where either she's lying, sold her soul to the Devil (and hey, maybe she did and he's collecting by making her turn into a frothing bigot), or was simply a more lucky and less skilled writer than people realized. Every writer has a closet full of short stories and novels they've written before publishing their first work. I can't stress enough how bizarre it is for her to claim she never wrote anything else before putting pen to paper with Harry Potter, that simply does not happen. Then again, her later books make it seem more likely that is true.

Writerly aside, but JK Rowling is utter garbage at structure. She lucked into the perfect scaffolding for a basic plot with the Harry Potter school year, but as Fantastic Beasts and her other, non-school based plot structures reveal, she didn't realize what a crutch that was for her because the woman does not and has not learned how to build a plot that isn't strung up on the structure of a school year for building tension and story beats.

Look, JK Rowling has always been a weird author. She really did come out of nowhere in terms of previous works. She doesn't acknowledge her peers in the genre that built her fortune, not even to confess that while she didn't know about them, she's now learning about a wonderful rich genre out there. She went the other direction and disavowed fantasy (it's possible she backtracked since and had nice things to say about the fantasy genre, I'd love to hear it if so).

There was in fact always subtle bigotry and a ton of tokenism in the Harry Potter books. That said, in the 90s, that was pretty par for the course, and she deserved some kudos for making the books so explicitly about fighting fascism, even if I'm not sure she fully understood her own themes.

To say these books were unpopular or that they had no writerly merit at all is intellectually dishonest. They were popular for a reason, mostly because they're fun. However, they were not unique, there were many like them, she got very lucky and it's bizarre how little she's acknowledged this or her peers. Of all the negative tendencies any human has, I'm shocked and dismayed that her tendency to stick to her ignorance like she did with the wider fantasy genre is the one that won out and was transferred to LGBT+ issues, to the point of doing active damage to her works and brand. But as her attempts to branch out from Harry Potter have further confirmed, JK Rowling was always a stylistically ordinary writer. Her mean-spiritedness didn't stand out as much in the 90s but it absolutely does now and it's ugly how she leaned more into sticking with the moral heights she reached at that time rather than trying to learn and grow as a person.

JK Rowling went full Whedon and figured because she was slightly ahead of the curve in the late 90s that she had nothing more to learn and it hurts when people who are creative, people whose job it is to have empathy for other walks of life, never learn or grow and stick to their old laurels that are increasingly out of date. I personally don't think myself as a hardcore Harry Potter fan, I have no horse in this race for the redemption or lack thereof of JK Rowling or the book series. I can only offer my view as a fantasy writer and someone who grew up through the cultural phenomenon of these books.

But, as usual, Ursula Le Guin was right, I agreed with her then, and her words have only borne out more and more with time.

[youremyheaven]

need some big sister advice because ive just gotten heartbroken 🫠🫠

i wouldn’t say i got played, because that’s not really the case, but i definitely did get hurt lol 🤣 the guy is two years older than me. sweet, charming, genuinely a gentleman. we were never really talking but there was always a weird tension between us, and sometimes he would do things that were not exactly friend things.

he’s older, and we’re at that age where the two years gap is fine but also has that “older guy” energy. he recently got a girlfriend. she’s so gorgeous, i won’t lie. genuinely has the nicest smile ever, and she’s everything i’m not? or i guess her background is a lot more similar to his than mine. they both come from really wealthy families— they’re both well traveled, well cultured, everything.

my grandparents are wealthy, maybe comparable to his family and hers. my parents are average to higher middle. never mind the context.

there were genuinely so many weird coincidences between us, from line-ups in our past, to other things like same birthmarks or conditions. maybe all this doesn’t matter though, does it? i think all this just contributed to me thinking there was something more between us.

idk i’m just hurt because there were so many things he did that were so sweet, and so nice, and he never really cared about other girls that way. it was all genuine too, and definitely more than friends things. right now im wondering if maybe he just saw me as someone to take care of? someone younger, more naive, and maybe he never actually liked me that way— but then there are other things that he did that were so not friends 😭😭 and even his friends and mine would sometimes ask if we had something going on

sometimes i wonder if the entire friend group was just in on this big joke or maybe im just looking at him with puppy eyes, even though im not that kind. ive been so adamantly against relationships, and this was the first time i actually wanted someone. ive always been so focused on school, internships, taking care of everyone, and then for once i wanted something for myself, and this happened.

im so academic, and i like taking care of people and doing things like knitting/crocheting/embroidery/cooking and all that stay at home things. you get the gist, im basically a homebody and introvert and i just like my own space and peace 😕😕 this girl parties, is always at the beach (me too but we are so different even in this manner because she’s the kind that takes pictures, dresses so well and i admire her so so much for it, while i go and pick up seashells and stare out at the beach 🤣🤣) and she’s just sooo extroverted, the life of the party with everyone, and so charming. and he’s quieter i guess, conventionally attractive, from a good household, a gentleman, stuff like that.

i never thougjt i would be the kind to compare myself to others but this is the first time ive ever felt this way and i just 😞😞

he’s really the nicest, and his girlfriend seems so sweet too, it was just sudden.

any advice? if youve ever been in this situation <33 i know its not really astro/fashion related but i don’t think i can even talk about this to my friends or anyone :c

babygirl 🥺

i understand what you're going through<3 this has to be one of the most difficult experiences in the romance arena tbh,, a guy who is extremely nice to you, gets your expectations up and then ends up dating someone who is the complete opposite of you 😭😭its a terrible feeling and its only natural that youd compare yourself to her,,

the best thing for you to do rn is to distance yourself from them. dont look at their socials, dont meet them often and get as far as u can from them.

its okay to wallow in it and it will take you some time to move on.

its impossible to understand where he was coming from or what his intentions with you were. you dont have to feel like you're silly for having believed that there was something between the two of you. he gave you "special" treatment and thats reason enough. whether or not he had romantic intentions is a different matter.

but the important fact rn is that he indeed has a girlfriend, which means its in ur best interest to avoid him and not contact him during this period so that you dont feel worse than you already do.

did he have feelings for you? was he just a reallyyyyy nice guy with no romantic intentions? was he just toying with you? these are questions that we can't really find answers to rn and no answer will ever really be satisfying enough.

immerse yourself in your hobbies, studies/work and keep yourself engaged. focus on yourself.

obviously an experience like this can take a toll on your self-esteem but these are experiences that will help us grow thick skin. our self worth should never depend on how others treat us. sounds easier said than done but you must always always always remember that how someone treats you is a reflection of their character more than it is of yours.

this can go both ways. if someone is extremely nice/kind/generous with you, it helps to maintain humility when you think its the goodness of their heart that makes them act like that, not you being "special" enough to receive it.

but if someone is mean/nasty/rude etc, thats also because of their character and the poison they carry in their heart. and has nothing to do with you as a person.

its important to build a firm core so that you're not swayed by generosity or broken by malice. you have to be self-content enough to see all things, both good and bad, as temporary. this does not mean you dont appreciate the good stuff or feel bad about poor treatment, you're human and you'll always have feelings but life is long, and you'll meet all kinds of people in life who will say and do all kinds of things, you shouldnt tie your self esteem to it, thats all.

think of these experiences as your immunization process, you're becoming more resilient and strong.

with men, unless and until, they explicitly say they want to take you out or date you or want you to be their gf, its 🚩🚩 and sometimes they even say all this AND play you 😭😭

i hope you have more peaceful days ahead of you and can forget this guy and focus on yourself<3

there are better men waiting for you who will give you the world and never make you second guess anything!! dont be too disheartened, pretend this is ep 4 of a romantic drama, things always get better by ep 16 😉💛💛

[hollowwrites]

HC part 2! HC part 2!

(Only if you want to!)

HC part 2! HC part 2!

Loving super tall Ominis. I'll always love a good height difference 🥵

Ominis Headcanons Pt. 2

So when I said I thought about a little more, I lied I went a tad mad

I’ll refer to MC as Evelyn throughout this cause she’s my ship with Omi. This is basically my notes page. Things may conflict. Who cares? If anything grabs you please ask about it. You guys inspire me for way too much of my stuff 💚

🔞 MINORS DNI 🔞

Family (Angsty…)

Some waffle about Ominis can’t be alive past 50 because of Tom Riddles family tree? No. He separates from his family after he’s 18. He uses his Aunts notes to prove that she has passed away and because of this he learns she left everything she owned to Ominis. He uses her money (I like to think it’s the majority of the Gaunt fortune because she’s not a blood purist therefore is sensible with her money not spending it on trinkets and Slytherin heirlooms) to legally separate from his family so they scorch him from the records.

I think the developers gave Ominis blonde hair to win Malfoy points but I also think it symbolises his separation from his family. Tom Riddle and Art of the Gaunt Family all have dark hair so our boi Omi is physically different compared to them not just mentally. It also might help him later to disassociate from his family because he doesn’t look like them.

I genuinely can’t remember if this was mentioned in game or not (I stop playing after Beasts Class and pretend that nothing bad happens to any of our bois) but I imagine he’s suffered Crucio quite a few times. If his family are cruel enough to do it once, they’d do it multiple times.

I mention this in my Blindsided fic but I feel like Crucio would leave a scar behind. Avada Kedavra does so why not Crucio huh? Is it because I wanted Eve to tend to his wounds and try to remove the scarring?…maybe. Do I care if it makes any sense at all? No!

Obviously because of this I feel like Ominis is covered in scars. Always hidden so no one can see how horrible a family they are…even though everyone already knows.

Patronus

His Patronus is a difficult one. I was Googling animals that have some of Ominis traits so I’ve narrowed it down to three:

Spider - I read an article ages ago debating whether or not spiders or insects in general feel pain or not. They either don’t or have a high tolerance for pain. So I feel like with how often Ominis gets tortured he’d have grown a tolerance for it like a Spider.

Vampire Bat - …I like Vampire Ominis what can I say? No obviously they use echolocation like his wand and they sleep in the day…need I say more?

A Blind Basilisk - THE UNINTENDED FORESHADOWING. Plus a basilisk is a dangerous snake, blind or not blind, like Ominis. People would maybe underestimate a blind basilisk thinking it would be easier to take down with its main weapon taken from it but I would still not want mess with one. JUST LIKE OMI

Either way I think once he falls in love with Eve his Patronus would change to Dove (I headcanon that Eves Mom used to call her a dove and her wand is a bird skull)

Speaking of Patronus’ he wouldn’t be able to cast one until he met Sebastian.

His first memory he could use to conjure a Patronus would be when Sebastian asks him to stay with him over the holidays. The mixture of guilt, relief, happiness and sadness he feels is powerful enough to cast one.

Second would be looking after Eve after she got Crucio’d in the Scriptorium. Despite the horrible origin of the day he looks back at it fondly. It’s where him and Eve truly started to bond and probably where his feelings for her originated.

General HCs

He snaps his wand a lot. It’s constantly in his hand and Sebastian is a trying person to be around so I imagine he just grips it too hard and snap. Learns to fix it himself after one too many visits to Ollivanders.

Maybe he completely snaps it one day after he separates from his family and has to get a completely new wand. Evelyn points out that it’s a lighter wood than before. I know the wood has nothing to do with anything like that but I like the though that he’s free of his dark past and his wand becomes lighter because of it

His boggart is just an amalgamation or screams and torture he’s pretty used to it. I go in detail here

He definitely grows up to be the next Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher just to rub it in his families face. Plus I think he’s close with Hecat she would put him forward for the position. Maybe he quits before Dumbledores era to travel with Eve finding ancient magic spots.

Thinking about the mirror of Erised is tricky with the boi cause blind BUT I think his deepest desire is just peace so maybe when he ‘looks’ into the mirror he can hear the wind blowing through grass and can smell roses, the distant sound of Eve and Sebastian laughing. I think he gets to live that anyway…he deserves it.

Relationshipy stuff (NSFW 🔞)

I don’t think he wants kids… I just can’t see him with them. I know people like Dadimis but…no. Maybe I’m projecting but kids take so much patience which he clearly does not have.

Contrary to everyone else’s opinion but I think he like public signs of affection he’s just a touchy person. He’s always had something in his hands whether it was a stick when he was younger or his wand he’s ALWAYS touching SOMETHING. It grounds him. So he’s touchy when he knows the person doesn’t mind.

I think he’d shamelessly hold Sebastian’s hand everywhere. I don’t think Seb would care either. If it’s comforting then whatever

(NSFW 🔞) So I’m expanding on the choking thing from last time 👀 I don’t think he’d do it in a dominating way, I think it’s more of a feeling thing? I imagine the first time it happened was an accident. He just slid his hand up her chest and went a bit too far up. He felt the vibrations of her moaning against his hand, yeah he can hear it but feeling it is better. After that it’s almost a certainty that his hand will find its way around her neck. Maybe it becomes a dom thing but not originally.

Masterlist

[noveratus]

Ok, I have just finished listening to the new WTNV episode and based on reactions here, a lot of people are having issues and while I agree it wasn't perfect, it's not for the reasons most people are, so let me give my two cents. Spoilers below

Alright, so let's start with the elephant in the room: People are upset that apparently nightvale is affirming that all abuse is cyclical and you cannot escape from it. That's literally not true, if anything, it's quite the opposite. What the Palmer lore has told us is that, yes, abuse cycles can be broken, you can always become a better person than your parents *however* it does require someone to make an attempt, to realize their own flaws and start working on them. You can only be better if you want to be better, which is the key difference in Kevin and Cecil in their respective arcs. Cecil wants to be there for his children, to his family, he wants to love them unconditionally and give them a better life than his father and mother ever gave him, and his relationship with his sister and in law and how much it has grown, even if he doesn't have the memories of their talks, is the best example of that. He is growing.

Meanwhile, we have Kevin who is someone who refuses to see his issues, who refuses to admit his flaws and uses religion and the idea of a perfect city as an excuse to hide the trauma he has endured. I know want him to be ok, to realize his wrong doings and be ok because people like Kevin but that just isn't how his character works. He is a tragic character. There is no way to put it. He is his own father, his own creator and his own greatest enemy as the boy wanted Kevin to be killed, possibly so he wouldn't end up like him, but ultimately he failed to realize what and how he would break the cycle. Its not through violence, its not through power and he didn't want to see that. He is a tragic character. I know people wanted a happy ending, but it's just not the character's point. He wasn't poorly written either or our of character. In fact, Kevin remains one of the most well written characters in the show.

No. My issue with this episode comes in the form of Tamika and Mother Lauren because I think that Mother Lauren was a genuinely interesting antagonist, however, she was done dirty by being so tied to Kevin. Despite the fact her actions affected all of Nightvale, all of her story was essentially solved by just Kevin and I don't know why the writers didn't just focus on that? Like, instead of having she fuck with the whole city, imagine if she just took young Kevin offering him the power to become stronger than his double while Cecil and Tamika tried their best to get him back, but he didn't want to. It ultimately ends with him trying to escape, getting absorbed and only being capable of being rescued by adult Kevin who takes him to be raised. Hell, maybe you can have Lauren's power to start reaching the other citizens, but she ends up feeling so powerful that it just falls flat. She is so powerful that she doesn't even have a goal anymore she just exists and a character without a goal isn't a character, it is just an obstacle. Compared that with the last arc with the university of everything that was genuinely terrifying, not because they held absolute power, but because the power they did hold affected the characters in a way that truly threatened them and changed their way of life.

Worst of all though, is Tamika. I don't know what the show is trying to do with her character anymore. Time and time again, she is shown that just diplomacy and talking without any actions doesn't solve any conflict. I thought that they were trying get her to be somewhere in the middle, someone who while doesn't enjoy violence, isn't passive as she has been lately. Someone who takes actions, pacifist actions, sure, but actions nonetheless but time and time again they just keep using her as this passive moral ground that is technically in the right, but never actually does anything about it and seeing what what she used to be, it just sucks, but hey, I still have hope. Maybe this is the point, maybe they are building her up and we will finally get to see Tamika grow to be, not extremes of violence and pacifism, but somewhere in the middle.

Mother Lauren though, I have no hopes for. After this ending, even if she does come back, she will be relocated as just a joke, a punchline for the arcs related to Kevin and the DOW that we might get in the future. That being said, I think it would be interested to see more residents of the other world as antagonis, like Charles for example using the intellect Carlos often uses against nightvale instead of in favor of it.

Also, I've seen some people complaining about this as well, so I will briefly tounch on it, no, Carlos didn't do much this arc, but I'm fine with that as the previous arc was essentially his arc and in character I can see his actions as being due to pressure and trying to get used to his new job as he has a much important role than before so he can't just fix all of Nightvale's problems anymore. I would like to hear more about his research and such, c'mon Cecil, you are lacking there, brag more about your husband pleaaaaaase.

All and all, I liked this arc, but I do agree that the ending fell flat in the sense that they misunderstood what should be focused on. You don't need to have an eldritch horror take over the city to have a worthy finale. You can have just a boy and a beloved character being taken away and get so close to a good ending only to end up being doomed by his own actions. Nightvale is not great because of the eldritch horrors, the aliens, and the magic. It is great because of the characters that were able to grow thanks to this environment and sometimes just focusing on these characters is enough.