#to be picky about what I put on here
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License to Kitty.
#dungeon meshi#izutsumi#marcille donato#chilchuk tims#I still stand by my tags on the Izutsumi character study piece I did in January - but I will repeat myself on a few lines here:#I *really* love this character. I love that all of the dungeon meshi crew are complicated and have difficult to love components.#But Izutsumi is a particular kind of hard to love. I foresee a lot of people being turned off by her abrasiveness and lack of teamwork.#She is very self-centered and openly goes against what the party agrees on.#She's a picky eater in a story that is 50% about eating good and healthy food!#It is in part about her growth but admittedly even *then* she remains rather true to her self-centeredness.#Even though she isn't as nice or funny or compassionate as the others...Izutsumi is still someone worth loving.#Even the more difficult people are someone worth loving.#And those people in turn are people who have something and someone they love.#She may be a girlcat but she is the most human of them all.#I hope that if you are an anime only watcher and are feeling put off by her at the moment; you'll give her a chance.#By the way: *yes* I worked very hard to draw that skateboard pose. It was worth it.#EDIT: HAPPY 500th POST OF POORLY-DRAW-MDZS!!! What a comic to commemorate the milestone with!
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my least favorite thing is when people compliment someone's work by using passive aggressive comments about what they hate about other people's work. like please, just focus on what is actually in front of you
#this isn't about anyone here#i just saw it on my other blog where someone made a huge long list of all the things they hate about other people's fics#that the person didn't do in that particular work. in a comment on the work. like bruh at least put it in the tags#idk if that makes sense but it was like#'a thing where X ISN'T [doing common thing in fic]?' in a long list and that was almost the entire commentary on the work#like why can't you just say 'i love that you did these things' without being like 'i'm so picky about these fandom works and hate how other#do it'#do you know what i mean? does this make sense?#the point is#it reads so passive aggressive and put down-y to other people#anyway i guess i should get to work but it bugs me when i see people act like that#this is eli
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V, JoeNicky & Nile
V. An abandoned or empty place.
When Joe pulls the sheet off the couch it kicks up enough dust that it makes Nile sneeze. The couch underneath is old, wooden frame rotting, fabric stained and full of holes where moths have eaten away at it.
“Sorry,” Joe says to Nile when she finally manages to get the sneezing under control. “Didn’t realise it was that bad.” He puts his hands on his hips and looks down at the couch. Nile looks it over.
“There’s no saving that,” she says, wiping at her eyes. She can heal from falling over ten stories, but she can’t get away from allergies.
Joe frowns. “I liked that couch.”
The house is older than anywhere else they’ve brought her, and has been abandoned for long enough that it’s falling apart. But through some trick of posing as their own sons, or something, Joe and Nicky still own it, even if there’s a giant hole in the roof and all the windows are broken. Why they’d decided to come back here, Nile doesn’t know, but it’s a nice enough area, and a good distraction from, well. Everything. Growing back a leg, she’s discovered, is not fun.
From one of the other rooms – she thinks it’s the kitchen, she’s not actually sure where Nicky had wandered to – there’s the sound of something breaking and crashing to the ground, and a muffled curse.
Joe makes a questioning noise in the vague direction of the kitchen. A few moments later, Nicky appears in the doorway, covered in dust. “I am okay,” he says. “But I think we will need to go out to eat tonight.”
“Nothing?”
Nicky shakes his head. “Unless you want to start a fire and go hunt some rabbits.”
Joe grins. “Just like old times, right?”
Nile shakes her head firmly, which makes Nicky smile. She loves them, but there’s no way they’re doing that.
“We can probably clear out enough space in here,” Joe says, gesturing to the floor. “Get the sleeping bags out of the car. Probably have to start a fire anyway, but…”
Nile looks around again while Joe says something to Nicky in Arabic that makes him laugh. The house is falling apart, sure, but it’s structurally stable, and the bones are all there. It could be something. They’ve got time to make it something.
Nicky is the one who goes for pizza in the end – he doesn’t trust Nile and Joe to order it if left to their own devices – while they try to clear out a space in the living room. Eventually, though, after Nile has another sneezing fit, Joe suggests they just take the sleeping bags outside instead, which works out a lot better. He sets about starting a fire with practiced ease while Nile sets out the sleeping bags around it. They’re far enough away from civilisation that she can’t hear cars passing by, which is kind of surreal, and the stars are brighter than she’s ever seen them.
When Nicky gets back, two boxes balanced on one arm and a bottle of wine in the other, he looks over their makeshift camp and laughs. “Just like old times, then?” he asks.
Joe grins. “Except we have pizza.”
“And actual sleeping bags,” Nile says.
“Ah, these modern inventions could never quite match the comfort of a pile of furs,” Joe says wistfully. Nile gives him a look. She’s ninety percent sure that one’s bullshit, but she can never quite tell with him.
Nicky sets down the pizza boxes, and jogs back to the car to grab the pack of plastic wine glasses they’d bought before they got here.
“We should’ve bought marshmallows,” Nile says. “Could have made s’mores.”
“Well, we’ll have to go to the hardware store tomorrow anyway,” Joe points out. “And I think it’ll be a little while before we can actually sleep in there.”
“Tomorrow, then?”
“Tomorrow,” Nicky agrees.
#neon answers#materassassino#neon writes#kaysanova#nile freeman#what's going on here? who knows. they're renovating an old safehouse in the middle of nowhere#why isnt andy there? off on a solo self discovery road trip she calls em sometimes#i like to think its a really old one and when they were deciding where to go joe was getting super nostalgic about it and talking about it#to nicky like habibi.... do you remember that little house we had a few years ago..... we should go back there.....#(local 900 year old man confused 'a few years' for like 150 and didn't realise until they got there)#(and promptly went hm. i think it may need some work)#(nile. who had been expecting an Actual Functional House. just has to sit there for a moment)#they're having fun though. she and joe are gonna have fun painting on the walls. etc#nicky doesn't trust them with pizza because nile (not picky) and joe (LOVES to annoy nicky) will deliberately order the worst looking optio#like. dominoes had a cheeseburger pizza. that's what they're going for#nicky let this happen two (2) times before just going for pizza himself#when andy's there it's even worse she will get margherita but she'll also 'add her own toppings'#like my parents who put chinese takeout on pizza. it's good i'm sorry i know i'm expecting to be banned from italy soon#ANYWAY#thank you for the prompt!! i had fun <3
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It's really nice having a free housekeeping service thru my Medicaid but ever since my regular housekeeper that I had for a year (now friend) got promoted in March it's like every other person I've had fuckin hates disabled people
#there was one perso who would drive by my house to clock in (your location has to show that you're at the client's house) and leave#found out when i called and was like hey why has no one been showing up and the office was like it shows shes been clocking in there what??#apparently i wasn't the only one and she got fired#and then we had a woman who treated my shift like it was her break time#i mean she would sit at our table and eat a full meal and talk on the phone as loud as possible instead of cleaning#she'd clean for 20 minutes usually just dishes then spend the rest of the time eating or playing on her phone or on a phone call#she would put away WET TOWELS i mean they were more than just 'damp'#and once left a full unflushed shit in our toilet with shit stains on the toilet seat#i remember once she sat outside in our front yard on a phone call and when i went out there to ask what was going on#she was just like ''im on the phone'' and ignored me#i asked for her not to come back several times and they sent her 2 or 3 more times#and then i got a new lady who just straight up lies to my face#i give her a list of what i need done for the day and she will only do the dishes#then sit at our table and be like ''oh i got everything else done I'm just waiting on laundry''#and then I'd look to see that actually nothing else was done at all counters dirty floors dirty LAUNDRY NOT DONE#i confronted her last time#i was like ''hey I've asked for the bathroom to get done the past few times now and it hasn't been''#and she was like ''yes I did clean it'' so i wiped my hand across the sink and showed her the dust and grime stuck to my fingers#and then didn't clean it again that day. and said sat at the table saying she was waiting on laundry. and no laundry was done#and said she swept the living room which absolutely was not swept#bc I'd get out the vacuum and she'd be like ''oh i can just use the broom'' (on the carpet??)#I'd get the bathroom cleaning supplies out and she'd just put them away#and i dont mean that im being super picky about wanting things cleaned prefectly#or thaf she's ''not doing it right''#she's literally not doing it at all#i told my friend/ex housekeeper about this and she told me that every other person who's had her also asked for her not to come back#oop she's here. it's gonna be her last time i called the office and set it in stone this morning that she wont be coming back#.bdo
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Dog has a swollen lymph node. Just one for now. Which means her cancer is getting worse already. The longer this goes on, the more detached I feel from reality.
#I've been barely eating for over a week now and don't feel it#all the money i have is going towards her. i have enough body fat to survive without eating properly for a while.#but I'm just not hungry because nothing feels real right now#she's been breathing with more difficulty the past couple days too so i know the tumor on her tongue is getting larger#she's been whining so much too. like way more than she ever has.#and the prednisone has increased her appetite by so much that she's eating almost double what she normally would#she's skipped eating in the morning almost her whole life. don't know why. she's just a picky bitch like that.#but now she wants extra food in thd morning and snacks during the day and extra food at night#i was worried her food would go to waste after she died but goddamn#it definitely will be eaten plus some at this rate#she seems so normal. but i know she's getting worse every day and probably just doesn't want to bother me.#that's the worst thing about dogs. they don't want to bother you.#she's so opinionated when it comes to things she wants to eat or play with. but she's never let me know when she was in pain.#the only times she has are emergency vet visit times#like when my ex broke her tail and she kept putting her butt in my face to tell me shit was fucked up#or another time when her gut bacteria somehow got out of whack and she shat bright red blood all over my house#or when she broke a claw so bad it damaged the bone underneath#anything minor and i have to find it on my own#she's extra spoiled right now#i never tell her to stop unless she's doing something potentially dangerous#like yeah. let's sniff that same spot on the same bush you smell 8x a day for ten minutes girl.#you look hungry. have some peanuts or freetos or cotton candy.#you want snacks even though you just had snacks? bitch. have some more.#you want to sleep in my spot on the bed? thats ok. I'll go to the othef sidd where i don't have my cpap. get comfy.#i feel bad denying her anything when i know she only has a set amount of experiences left#there's a finite amount of sniffs she can snorf or food to be fed and i know it's pretty limited.#and then i get days like today where i don't even really start working until the time I'd normally be getting home#and that enrages me like little else can do because it's taking away from time with the only living thing that's real to me#except the longer i have knowing she's dying the less 'here' i feel. which makes her seem less real.#and i hate it. but i deny myself pain by pretending shit isn't real until it isn't. and then there's no more pain.
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the absolute vicious shit people think they have to say whenever the topic of 'picky eaters' comes up ESPECIALLY when it's about children is just sickening
#post : my child doesn't like carrots so I#rando : WELL I WOULD JUST *describes a thousand different ways to abuse a child* AND IM THE NORMAL ONE HERE#adult : i can't eat fish because#rando : LMAO GROW UP WHAT ARE YOU 5 FUCKING IDIOT LOL JUST STARVE FISH HAS GOOD VITAMINS JUST KYS#have y'all tried not being dicks about other people's diets ffs#especially when it's like. a video showing how a parent is successfully introducing new foods to their picky kid#like Oh they only like cheese crackers so i'm gradually nudging them towards grilled cheese sandwiches with these steps#and then hopefully use the grilled cheese as a base to introduce other types of sandwiches etc#and it's just. it works. it's respectful of the kid's boundaries. it's healthy.#and Still a thousand people just jump to say INSTEAD OF DOING THIS THING THAT WORKS TRY BEATING HIS ASS (WHICH WONT WORK)#so many people are fucking eager to tell you they Love violence against kids who have no way to defend themselves#that they're fucking sludgebrains who haven't come up with actual parenting techniques#so all they know is ''hit child'' or ''yell'' like a fucking level 1 pokémon#that they view the small young people they have agreed to take care of as dolls that must obey or get thrown against the wall in a tantrum#if your entire plans for parenting are ''i'm just gonna use violence until my human toything complies'' don't become a fucking parent#Anyway this was about picky eating and how people don't know how to mind their business about it#why are you so pressed about what someone else Doesn't put in their mouth. why are you so weird#humans come with a variety of tastes in anything from fashion to colors to home decor to favorite animal#and you can't fucking fathom that they'll also Not all want or like to eat the same things ? fucking cringe
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Hello there!! I hope this ask isn't too invasive, but let me girst say that I am a MASSIVE fan of your Transformers writings. Every once in awhile I go back to binge them and I'm always excited when I get updates from your AO3! I just finished reading 'Poets and Veils' for like the tenth time and I wanted to ask if you're still wanting to write a part 2 to it. But I remember you saying somewhere that TFP Megastar is a bit sore for you atm so I don't want to cross any boundaries!! Thank you all the same for reading. 😊
Omg this isn't invasive at all, thank you so much ! I am so happy you like my writing, that means a lot to me. Poets and Veils was one that was so close to my heart, one of my favorite ones. I do one day plan to write a part two!
I do have some feelings about TFP Megastar adjfal;fja BUUT as always, I love tfp megastar, it was the first TF ship i shipped and I actually did write a TFP megastar fic recently if you're interested! I'm always gonna love and write for them!
You certainly aren't crossing boundaries. i am always going to be down for talking about megastar, thank you so much!
Summary:
“Get up, you weak fool.” Starscream sneered, lowering his internal blaster.
“You aren’t going to…”
“We have a movement to run, or rather reform. You and I both know, we work better together.”
-
When the Predacons unleash their wrath upon Starscream, he is saved by the person he least expected, Megatron. Ready to exterminate him, Starscream realizes there is a change within his master (if he can even call him that) and realizes that perhaps their bickering is in the past. Now it is time to work for what they fought for.
#idk where to tag this#but i mean yeah i do tend to have some issues with the portrayals i guess??#i love m*gastar#but it's not lost on me how like...tfp m*gastar is always like the worst portrayed i guess???#i know each to their own but i wish that not all of the content regarding it was so violent and abusive#that sounds funny - like an oxymore#*oxymoron#but i just find that with tfp m*gastar it's like the fans tend to amp up the abuse#and that is what the majority of tfp m*gastar shipping content is#and i just don't really like it#idk if i've mentioned this here but im really picky about m*gastar and for me i really can only ship them and approach them as a form of#redemption and healing#like they have to be post war they have to be going thru healing and changing and they have to put aside the violence because#both are victims of abuse and i want them to heal with each other#no shame to the way others ship tfp m*gastar but that's just not how i like it#on the other hand#i've been at HUGE ODDS with TFP st*rscream#how can i say this??#a group of his fans a while ago really made me dislike the character because i associated them with him#basically some not so much shit went down#but someone i used to like and trust#and associate with the character#kinda made me feel bad and shitty#and their whole group in turn kinda made me feel that way#so i associated tfp st*rscream with them#and i really REALLY REALLY hated the character#i even felt teh same with like predastar#a ship i had loved#i associated it with that group of people and i accidentally hated it#i hated tfp st*rscream
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“you should get all your patches from local bands and live shows!” Honey, I’m poor and I live in arkansas, how am I supposed to do that?
#should I just get blue grass patches from the state fair or something?#what local bands are even making cool patches?#I don’t even know any local bands#and I haven’t really seen any advertised online that look like something I’d jam to#I’m picky!#not many of the current bands I listen to even make patches#and maybe I don’t want to go to live shows! maybe I’m shy! ever think of that!?#and I don’t want to drive an hour just to see some shitty band#I’m a poser. I just want to look cool. I have minimal interest in seeing some crust punk band play in a small hot room#I did my time already! I did the teenage hardcore scene! I paid my dues! now just let me do my own thing#just let me make my silly little jacket in peace#not that anyone is really bothering me… just kinda complaining about nothing#not a lot of electronic or goth bands playing in arkansas that also make patches… that I know of#who knows. maybe there are and I just haven’t heard about them 🤷🏻♂️#just always seems like I dunno metalcore or folk punk whatever bands. not that there’s anything wrong with that.#I dunno. I don’t know genres anymore.#it’s a lot of metal bands I can’t differentiate or college kids with acoustic guitars. lots of yelling from both.#which… cool. I can dig that. just not really what I listen to in my downtime#….. yup…. that’s… I dunno what else to put here#I love you#this isn’t important#you can ignore this#text
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every time i try to do something scary on purpose for my social anxiety the universe decides to add in unexpected situations 😔
#i was supposed to go pick up a package and then i was like. ok wait. ive gotten good at buying something while pickiing a package up. what#if i also buy stamps#bc you have to ask the cashier for those (same as with the package)#and it was just at my cornerstore so it's a safe nonscary environment#well. as not-scary as any store can be.#but. there were a lot of ppl there. which! i thought would be fine bc the line was still relatively short but. what happened was that they#opened another register.#and i was queuing for the reguster that had stamps and handles packages#and i would have loved to stay at the queue. but. only one person went to the queue of the new register. so there were 2 ppl in line before#me. one already had their stuff on the conveyor belt and the other was about to put their stuff there too#and the person who went to the other register only had like 2 things to buy. so. it was me. in line behind 2 people. versus an almost#empty register. so. i had to switch to the free register before the cashier had the time to b like 'there's a free register here!'#bc i don't have a script for hearing that and saying 'no' !!!#so i just. switched over and bought my snacks. leaving the store with no package and no stamps.#bc if i hadnt i would have had to say something i dont have a social script for and probably stumbled on my words and gone red and dizzy#which. not ideal.#and this sucks ass bc all i really needed was one (1) success in a social situation#bc this week has been kicking my ass social anxiety wise#usually when i go and get coffee from a coffeeshop they dont ask me shit and just make my order to regular milk which. ok. i dont have an#allergy or anything. i just think plant alternatives taste better in coffee#but this week. i got asked 'do you want that in regular milk?' and i was not expecting that#so i was like 'yes please 😊' and drank my grossly milky coffee dreaming about what i could have had#and that happened TWICE#after the first time i did think about it and decide i could have said 'do you have oat milk or something' and then the barista#could have either said yes or no and both of those would b easy to answer#but instead of asking if they have oat milk i just said yes. again.#can you guys imagine some people speak without being scared#some people even go to the store without feeling even an ounce of fear. imagine#leevi talks
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@gay-jewish-bucky IT REALLY FUCKING IS. No matter what if it’s a canon gay couple it’s just not going to be good enough for the exact same people who complain about wanting more gay rep. Part of getting gay rep is accepting that we’re going to get rep for all kinds of gays, all kinds of relationships, all levels of relevance - not just the kind that some people want or deem acceptable.
We finally have what is, in my opinion, a pretty well balanced canon queer ship that isn’t just ~hints and eye contact~, that isn’t squeaky clean, that have meaningful conversations and show love and affection like it’s not a big deal. It’s treated on equal levels to any straight ship on the show and I think that’s a breath of fresh goddamn air tbh.
I know people are always going to complain, but this topic has gotta be one of the most annoying and most exhausting ones. People should be happy we get any kind of lgbtqa+ rep, and that that rep is getting not just more diverse over the years but better too. There’s never going to be Perfect Queer Representation and to bitch and hold out for it?? To nitpick the fuck out of every ship?? Why would you, y’know??
#sorry for ranting jksdhfkds#i feel ancient saying this - like a grandma regaling her grandkids with tales of walking to and from school in the snow barefoot - but#i remember when there were no canon queer ships on tv or in movies#there wasnt shit for any of us#no matter what your label was#and now we have enough canon ships and canon lgbtqa+ characters that people feel they're entitled to be picky??#like my dude we just started getting this kind of content in my teen + adult life#maybe appreciate how far we've gotten studios and companies to come in a relatively short amount of time#maybe appreciate the positive for 2 seconds before you start demanding stuff and whining when you dont get it. especially when it#wasnt promised to you - btw. in regards to the ship i was talking about the showrunners said it was going to go down differently from#the books. they aged up the characters afterall + they were smashing 2 series together to create a whole new thing. they warned people#we got the canon ship. they put a lot of thought into writing it and the actors - who are big fans of the books - put a lot of thought#into acting it. that's the other thing!! actors who give a shit a bout providing quality queer rep!!! why are y'all not talking about that?#that's also not a given when it comes to people playing queer roles. there's a lot special going on here and to be so negative..#idk man it's doing a huge disservice to a lot of people + it ignores the progress made + it's whiny and annoying#i'm annoyed. does it show?? i think it might show#sdhjfsdkfs#sorry again for turning my reply into a rant. cole ur an angel and i love u#replies#maison speaks
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tbh 90% of the reason i made this blog is cause i'm unhappy w/ my art as-is and i really want to force myself to get out of my comfort zone, but for some reason i can't do that to my ocs??? like every picture of my ocs has to be Perfect or else i won't upload it to toyhouse.
so instead i am here. posting homestuck.
#john rambles#i'm way less picky with this for some reason#and i think thats because homestuck art can be ltierally anything#i don't HAVE to be perfect because it doesn't MATTER because its just this art i'm putting passion into#all my ocs feel more like illustrations sometimes than characters? like i have to draw them The Same. and Perfect. every time#so... maybe a homestuck sideblog to shit around on and draw art that makes me happy without having to fuss is what i need yknow#not to get emotional on here but i just. ogghgh... i care about this comic. i care about these characters. they have done so so much for me#and i'm just asking them one last time to help me get better with my own things
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I went and did my exam (very thoroughly), got home and sorted out my finances + ordered groceries (bc I finally have some fucking money to buy them with), & then planned to write a bit and then do some chores. But then I just conked out lmao
It's been... a rough few days. I probably needed the rest.
#speculation nation#i need to do the dishes and some laundry and put away groceries when they get here#but im just like. hhhhhmgn#i mean i gotta put cold stuff away either way but i wanted to clean my fridge out some. probs not gonna happe.#i was too tired to write. oh well#the exam went really well tho. i feel very strongly on it.#some guys let the exam lamenting about having no clue what abstraction is and i was just like#'? he mentioned it in class? i dont know what's so difficult about that'#and i made Sure to memorize this morning the essential components of server and client programs#essentially the 'Socket s = new Socket('ip'#AGH code doesnt work in here. ip then port number. also the stuff like InputStream instream = s.getInputStream();#PrintWriter out = new PrintWriter(outstream. true); out.println(in.nextLine); etc etc etc#all those pieces. some of which do not work well in tags.#he straight up told us we would have to write these components from memory so like. anyone who didnt study them. too bad for u i guess#i also studied up on GUI and the swing vs awt stuff. a bit. just in case. but it wasnt applicable.#doesnt hurt to know tho. he also told us if we needed more time on our lab that's ok. but i already got it done >:]#and spring break is next week. i feel like i have a weight of my shoulders.#both financially and with those few days of Hell#i mean things r still a lil tight financially speaking. but i got some more groceries (even if i had to be Picky about what i got)#but after my next paycheck things should be much better. and i will be more careful with my money... next time.#i dont wanna get down to the literal $5 i was at for like a Week again lol. that. sucked kind of a Lot whoops.#im working more and i have a tax return coming at some point. and THREE paychecks this month#i hate shorter months lmfao. less money in a month aka less money b4 rent and health insurance bills are due#i wont have to make the next one stretch for the 1st and thank God bc one paycheck is Not enough for rent and health insurance#im making things work. but man things sure have been rough in more ways than one.
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20-30 cases and ME
ehehehehe "zakażenia o cięższym przebiegu" ME ME ME ME ME (crowd goes wild, except for the NFZ that had to pull out an extra special really expensive antibiotic because the regular one didn't work)
Also I got appendicitis (which progressed to peritonitis) at the same time as the Y. enterocolitica infection, just spontaneously, how funny is that
#still so funny to me Godddddddd#the funniest part being that with fucking *peritonitis* I was still walking around#and joking with the doctors as they got me on the operating table#from what I'd learned that is uhhh...... actually insane#few hours from death a 15yo boy (who was supposed to be incoherent from anesthesia at that point)#recalls to the doctor the time he got the skin next to his eye sewn together at that same hospital#'I'm pretty sure it was this room even. Wow. They didn't change anything in those 12 years huh.'#Honestly looking back... what the fuck was I. I wonder what the conversations were like during the surgery#I hope the surgeons think of silly little me sometimes ehehe <3#extra shoutout to the doctor who almost diagnosed me with anorexia because I didn't want to eat the hospital food#because no. My picky eater ass won't stop being picky just because 'you're malnourished' and 'you've barely eaten the past week'#The hospital food was so disgusting that to this day it comes back to me in nightmares#That disgusting white sauce with the meatballs that were *definitely* made of the meat they'd previously used for cooking the soup....... g#the bread they had was pretty decent though#anyways I just think it was a very interesting episode in my life#and it proved to everyone once and for all. If I'm complaining about pain then it has to be really bad#because I'll literally get peritonitis and be like 'uh yeah I have a pretty damn bad tummy ache. pls let me go home so I can eep ok'#'fuck the doctor I don't need that I'll just eep it off'#anyways wait I need to *definitely* put content warnings on this#uhhhh#hospital //#hospital mention //#surgery mention //#uhhhhhhh idk man#gross food doesn't warrant a content warning I guess even though that was the most traumatising part of it all#uhhhhh#eating disorder mention //#I guess that'd be pretty apt#I like talking about medical stuff though. Sowwy. I'll do it again. (hopefully not on here though)
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to be loved is to be seen.
the little things that the blue lock men do for you as their way of saying, "i love you." featuring: itoshi rin, itoshi sae, michael kaiser, oliver aiku 𝜗𝜚 content: fluff
note. spreading down bad bllk men agenda 🫦 finals is this week, so that means i will not be able to write at all for 3-4 days, so i just wanted to pop this out rlly quickly (event fics will be written as soon as i wrap up this sem, PROMISE)
itoshi rin picks out the things you don't like in your food.
not that he’d ever admit it out loud, but rin has a folder in his notes app about you— things you like, things you dislike, and every little thing you’ve mentioned to him in passing. he wants to know every little detail about you, to write it down and memorize it until the knowledge becomes stuck in the back of his head. to the point that it becomes like common sense to him (if there were ever a pop quiz on facts about you, he would pass with flying colors.) at the end of every date, or every time he hangs out with you, he’ll update his notes with another little thing he’d learned. you will never catch him admitting it out loud, but it definitely shows in how he treats you.
there is one thing he’d memorized about you, by now, though. it’s written in bold, italicized, and underlined in his notes: you hate mushrooms.
rin catches himself looking at the ingredients of certain meals whenever the two of you would eat at a new restaurant, or order food from an unfamiliar place. it’s not that he’s necessarily a picky eater because, frankly, he really doesn’t care. but he wants you to enjoy it, he wants you to be able to eat without stressing about having to pick it out. his eyes are always scanning through the print, actively checking if mushrooms are one of the ingredients listed.
but, there are times when the ingredients aren’t listed, and there are times when you end up ordering something with mushrooms in it.
he may be dense in certain aspects, but it’s hard for him to miss the disappointed look on your face. the way your expression falls ever so slightly, and your smile falters for half a second. before you could dig in, before you could even put yourself through five minutes of digging through the food— he’s swiftly grabbing it from you.
truthfully, he does it without thinking. he’s acting on his thoughts before he could even process what he’s doing. rin tries to fight the blush that threatens to form on his cheeks, the way the heat crawls up his neck and to his face at the realization of what he’d done, and he fails. but he’s committed to the act now, and he’s not going to give it back to you until he’s done what he needed to do.
he tries to ignore the somewhat perplexed look on your face, and the way you watch him closely as his fingers make quick work of moving the mushrooms from your plate to his. (he tries to sneak in some of your favorite food from his plate to yours, but he’s not slick, and you definitely notice.)
“here,” he says, pushing the plate closer to you after a few minutes. “you can eat it now.”
he sees you glance at the plate, and then back up at him— he looks away as you beam at him with a grateful smile, trying to ignore his ever-increasing heart rate.
itoshi sae remembers the small details about your routine.
it is almost guaranteed that sae will wake up before you do. his alarm is set to go off at the crack of dawn, right as the sun starts to peek through the horizon, and he's starting his day while you're still in deep sleep. there’s a set routine that he follows, to a tee: wake up (and then contemplate staying in bed, just to cuddle with you a little longer), stretch, do morning yoga, and then go on a jog. it’s something he’d been doing for years, and he has never gone out of his way to add anything new to his routine— that is, until one morning.
at first, it started with a random thought. as he was getting ready to leave the house, to go for his morning jog, he had unsystematically decided to set out your favorite mug and go-to morning snack.
sae didn’t think it would be that significant to you, and he, initially, had no plans of doing it again. he simply had extra time to spare, and he knew that making your morning drink was always the first part to your routine, so he decided to get the first step out of the way for you.
truly, he wasn’t planning to make a habit out of this. but then, you told him, “that was a sweet way to start off my morning,” with that sleepy, morning smile of yours. he tries to not pay attention to the way his heart softens at the sight, and the realization that that had made him happy. yet now, he does it every time.
from then on, his alarm was always set to go off two minutes earlier. it’s rewarding, in his opinion, to come home to you— sitting at the dining table, messy hair and still in your pajamas, eyes half-lidded from sleep, with a smile on your face as you take a sip from the mug. and then you greet him with a thank you and a kiss, without fail, even when he tries to lightly guide you away because he’s sweaty.
it never works, because he folds the second you tell him, “g’morning. i missed you.” and he finds himself adding another part to his schedule.
before sae’s even aware of it, much of his daily habits had been molded to fit with yours.
on days where he’s far from home, in another country, he finds that his morning just never feels right without you. it feels weird not having to set out your favorite mug, and it feels even weirder not having you there to smother him in kisses. his routine had always determined his mood, and without you, he’s extra sour.
“i miss you,” he ends up texting you. (that, too, becomes part of his routine when he’s far from you.)
michael kaiser has all your subtle behaviors memorized.
if kaiser were to be asked to name one annoying habit of yours, it would be the fact that you, sometimes, say things that contradict how you truly feel. he calls you pesky, he tells you that he’ll take your word for it and not read too deeply into whatever you’re saying— but, in a way, he’s contradicting himself too by saying that. he’ll always read into it; he’ll always analyze you, gaze narrowed, and watching for every subtle sign in your body language. he knows you, all too well.
but there’s one thing you always say, one contradictory statement that you always make, that he’d memorized at this point. “it’s okay, i’m not cold,” even when you visibly are.
it irks him to no end. he doesn’t understand why you would say that even when there are goosebumps scattered all over your skin, when you have your arms wrapped around yourself, and you’re visibly trembling. he can practically see the bones under your skin, rattling, making some comical, cartoony noise in his head. you know that he can see you, and yet, you still lie to him.
and, at times, he does this on purpose— he puts the air conditioning in the car on full blast, all vents pointed at you, just to see how far you’re willing to go. and every time, it’s always the same, with the same answer.
kaiser isn’t completely cruel, however. he’s tucked one of his spare hoodies (your favorite, actually) into the backseat, existing purely for your use. first, he’ll scoff at you, roll his eyes, and let you suffer for a few more minutes. but eventually, the guilt will catch up to him, and he’ll constantly be glancing at you through his periphery, shaking and looking absolutely miserable in your seat.
he’ll think to himself for a second, as if contemplating whether he’ll actually help you out (he always does, he does not want you to actually suffer). and then, he’ll internally sigh, before speaking up. “stupid,” he mutters under his breath. “i have a spare hoodie in the back, take it.”
it’s almost laughable, the way you quickly turn your body around to reach for the backseat, visibly seeking warmth. he sees the look of pure joy in your eyes when you realize that it’s your favorite, and he smiles to himself.
“you’re the best,” you always tell him, as you pull the fabric over your head, and he's content.
he doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t reprimand you— he lets you do this, every single time.
oliver aiku is always willing to listen to you ramble.
it doesn’t matter if aiku’s had an exceptionally long day, it doesn’t matter if he feels as if he’s on the verge of succumbing to sleep— he will always make time for you. he will never pass up a chance to call you, to listen to you talk about whatever you want, whenever you want. you could talk for hours, going on and on about something that he doesn’t quite understand, and not a single complaint will slip past his lips. then again, he thinks to himself, why would he complain? hearing your voice is the best part of any day, good or bad. and every night, he finds himself waiting by his phone, waiting for your contact to appear on his screen.
he finds no shame at the speed in which he accepts your call, which is immediately, nor does he try to mask the anticipation in his voice.
and if he were to look into a mirror at that exact moment, he would also see the lovesick smile that had started to tug on the corners of his lips. you can’t see him, but he’s sure you can hear it in his voice. the way it softens, the way it loses its rough edges and lightens up ever so slightly, when he greets you. you probably know he’s grinning from ear-to-ear. (he doesn’t think he is, but when it comes to you, he’s completely transparent.)
it doesn’t take long before you’re divulging into another one of your endless tangents. but aiku’s attention remains undivided, only for you. he sits on the other side of the phone, silently, only responding when you want him to. it doesn’t matter if his own thoughts are clouded with exhaustion, his mind racing with the weight of the day—when you call, everything else fades into nothingness.
“did you know that venus is an evening star for 263 days out of the year?” he can hear the excitement in your voice, he can practically see the sparkle in your eyes, even without seeing you. it’s been three hours, and he’s sure that he should’ve been in bed one hour ago. but you’re still as energetic as ever, so he fights the way his body craves for sleep. he locks his jaw, and bites back a yawn, and listens. “and then, the fact that it disappears from the sky for 50 days, before returning as a morning star?”
there’s silence on your end, and aiku takes that as his cue to talk. “no,” he responds, and there’s an amused lilt in his tone. “i didn’t, actually. you should tell me more.” and you do.
one look at the clock to his side tells him that, at this point, he won’t be getting enough sleep. he’s sure he’s going to be exhausted when he wakes up in the morning— though, he doesn’t really care, and he’s sure he won’t regret it. he’ll let you ramble about the stars for as long as you want, even when the stars themselves start to fade into the morning sky.
© rindreamery, 2024
#blue lock#blue lock fluff#bllk x reader#blue lock x reader#itoshi rin#itoshi rin fluff#itoshi rin x reader#itoshi sae#itoshi sae fluff#itoshi sae x reader#michael kaiser#michael kaiser fluff#michael kaiser x reader#oliver aiku#oliver aiku fluff#oliver aiku x reader
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infrunami ✮ jeon jungkook
summary: you’ve made great friends throughout the years but none like jeon jungkook. he’s there for you when you need him and although at times when things get complicated between your feelings and thoughts… there’s one thing for certain. you both have been wasting time acting like there’s nothing between you.
✮ genre/au: friends to lovers. y/n[afab, she/her] x best friend jungkook
✮ 18.7k
warnings: smut. f2l. slice of life. besties jk and y/n. slight jealousy vibes. idiots to lovers. lot of sexual tension. everyone knows they like each other. for the smut [no protection sorry yall]. heavy makeout. slight dry humping. grinding. doggy style. soft dom vibes jk. whiny y/n. jk gets jealous but never admits it. they both talk to other people bc they’re in denial.
song inspo: infrunami—steve lacy, my kind of woman—mac de marco, no. 1 party anthem—arctic monkeys, love between—kali uchis
Friendships in your twenties, you’ve learned, come in various forms.
There were people you’ve known since you were a teen and people you’ve only just met. Some who know everything about you and some who only get a piece of you. You’ve got the ones you meet up with on a random Thursday to run an errand because you haven't seen each other in so long—and you have the ones who seem to always be knocking on your door. Having people who wanted to be around you was one of the best things you’ve ever experienced.
“You’re late.”
He raised his shoulders in a shrug as he picked up the helmet that was strapped onto the back of a black motorcycle, “I’m here, aren’t I?”
Part of you gave up on acting upset as you let him slip the helmet over your head. You took his backpack off his shoulders and shoved your things inside before putting it on your back.
“Thanks for the ride,” You hooked a leg over the seat, straddling the bike as you fixed yourself up behind him. The helmet fit snugly around your head and you held him around the waist comfortably, “I’ll buy you a meal.”
“You promise?” Jungkook asked with a teasing smile as he kicked up the stand and brought the engine to life, “I’m craving steak.”
“Just don’t break my pocket,” You patted him softly, checking your phone one last time, “I swear if they don’t give me my car back I’m going to throw a fit.”
“Maybe next time don’t park in a restricted area,” He said lastly, driving off with youn. Your friendship with Jungkook was different from the others. He was your best friend.
Not in the way Mirae was or even Taehyung but he was up there. He’s the one you’d have knocking on your door because he’s bored or bothering you during the middle of the night. He’s also the one you call because you know he’ll answer.
You don’t remember exactly how you two met but it was some time during college, an after party maybe? Campus? Not likely. He was infamous for never showing up. Whatever, it was beyond the point. The point is that somewhere along the way you made friends with an overly clingy man who spent too much time at the gym or gaming in his bedroom when he wasn’t at work.
No, you’re not dating him nor do you want to. He’s kind of just… your overly good looking friend who would do anything for you.
“I forgot my lunch at home so I’m starving,” Jungkook pushed past you to get inside the small barbecue place he dragged you to. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes and follow. He’s taken his backpack back to set it on the chair next to his and you sat across from him. It was a familiar place to eat and the menus took up an unnecessary amount of space so he took them both without question.
“What if I wanted to try something new?” You asked with a slight scoff, pretending to be annoyed but he saw right through it.
“You don’t, you’re too picky. You’re just going to get the same thing you always get,” Jungkook said with another shrug before giving you a menu back anyway, “But fine, browse a little.”
“Chill on the attitude,” You joked, looking over the menu with disinterest.
“How do either of you manage to be here at least once a week?” The server grumbled as he approached the table, “And that’s on a good week.”
“Hey, I haven’t been here in like, four days?” You said, second guessing yourself and looking at your friend, “He’d live here everyday if he could.”
“True, Jin is one of the best cooks I know,” Jungkook confessed, making your server roll his eyes.
“Please, Jin’s rarely here since the new place opened up but don’t worry, I’ll pretend to believe you,” he snatched the menus away from you both, “And like you don’t get the ‘Family & Friends’ discount. What’ll it be? The usual?”
Jungkook turned to you with an amused expression, eyebrows raised as he waited to hear your new order. He even had the nerve to rest his chin in the palm of his hand and the server waited with a bored expression.
You sunk into your seat, “The usual.”
“Damn, we should’ve bet on it,” Jungkook grimaced as he took his phone out of his pocket to scroll through his socials, “So how was the meeting? It took a while didn’t it?”
“Don’t even get me started on it, I can already tell they’re going to be a handful. I might pass them onto Mirae,” You told him honestly, “She can handle them better than I could.”
“It’s because you’re hot headed,” he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He felt your hard stare and he couldn’t help but smirk, “You know you are.”
“Says the guy who almost got into a fight because of Overwatch,” you threw your straw wrapper at him but he caught it and chucked it back at you.
“First of all we were in a tournament and I could’ve won some money,” Jungkook said defensively, “Any sane person would react the same way.”
You raised your brows pretending to be convinced and stared off into space. After your meal and you footed the bill like promised, Jungkook drove you to your apartment.
“Let me know if you need a ride to the garage tomorrow,” Jungkook said as he took the helmet back and you retrieved your things from his backpack.
“What are your plans tonight?” You asked curiously as he got back on his bike.
“I don’t know, a friend of mine asked me to go have drinks with him so I’ll probably do that,” He told you honestly, “Why? Wanna watch ’Love, Death & Robots’ again?”
“Just curious, be safe and don’t drive,” You reminded him.
A grin widened on his face, “Will you pick me up if I drink too much—oh right, you don’t have a car… awkward.”
“Asshole,” you hit him playfully, making him sway but he kept himself steady.
“I’ll call for an Uber or something, night.”
There’s not a specific moment that made you and Jungkook become good friends. You sort of just clicked right away. In the beginning there might’ve been a slight tinge of attraction but it was the kind you felt for a stranger walking past. It wasn’t anything either of you wanted to pursue and ended with a good friendship. You learned a lot from each other and somehow managed to co-exist together.
In the beginning nearly all of his friends thought you were into him. They tried to put it into his head that you had a thing for him but it never went anywhere. Jungkook never made a move on you and after a while everyone just accepted it.
This is what friendship looked like. You didn’t have to sleep with each other. You were like one of the guys… aside from the obvious. Now everyone just takes you as you are, a good friend of his with no sexual feelings involved.
“You just got off work?” Yoongi asked as Jungkook finally joined him at the bar, “I thought I was going to have to drink enough for the both of us tonight.”
“Don’t you wish,” Jungkook chuckled, taking a seat and the drink his friend ordered for him, “But no, I was having dinner and had to drive Y/n home.”
“Oh, how is she? Haven’t seen her in a while,” Yoongi asked.
“Her car got Towed at my apartment for parking in someone’s spot a couple days ago. She’s pissed,” Jungkook answered knowingly, “But she’ll survive. What’d you ask me over here for?”
“Oh, I’m talking to this girl who’ll be here soon and she’s got a friend with her.”
✮
Two hundred dollars down the drain all because you parked somewhere you weren’t supposed to. It puts you in a bad mood for a couple days. You weren’t necessarily short on cash but that didn’t mean you wanted to waste it to get your car back.
“Don’t touch me I’m sad,” You mumbled into your desk as your coworker hovered a hand over your back ready to comfort you.
“You didn’t get it back?” Jimin asked, opting to sit on the edge of your desk instead.
“I did, that’s why I’m sad,” You nearly cried, “I’m never staying at anyone’s apartment but mine ever again. It’s too expensive and there’s never enough parking anywhere.”
“Poor you, I know what’ll cheer you up though,” Jimin said with a scheming smile that had your head raising skeptically, “You, Mirae and I out for dinner and a couple drinks after work.”
“I’m pretty sure I just said how much money I spent!” You rolled your eyes making him do the same.
“I’ll pay, silly,” Jimin said, “You look like you could use a drink.”
You were a victim of peer pressure, and for pressure you needed very little of it. All it took was both of your friends reminding you how much fun it would be before the FOMO set in and you joined them.
“You’re so easily persuaded,” Mirae said with a laugh, “Min didn’t even have to beg this time.”
“I’m going through a tough time right now,” You said playfully, reaching across the table for another portion of fries, “Thanks for taking those clients.”
“Yeah yeah, but if I need any favor you better be the first one to grant it,” Mirae pointed a stern finger at you and you nodded eagerly.
“One Wish coupon with your name written on it, noted,” You tapped your head a couple times before shooting her a Thumb’s Up. Your coworker [turned close friend] rolled her eyes with a smile as she raised her glass, “Ready to chug?”
“Oh fuck no,” Jimin groaned, staring down his nearly full glass, “Are we drinking-drinking or are we drinking?”
“Baddie Baddie Shot O’Clock,” you nudge his arm, “Don’t be scared now. You asked for this.”
“We have work tomorro—fuck it, let’s do it,” Jimin said while you and Mirae began a chant ready to take the drink.
There were a couple… a few drinks involved for all of you. It was supposed to be something casual but that never seems to be the case when you’re with your work friends. They’re a good time all the time and sometimes a nice break. Aside from Jungkook, they're some of your closest friends. They know you in a different light than he does. With Mirae you can talk to her about anything and with Jimin he‘s a good time. He doesn’t tease or scold you the way Jungkook does… he lets you have fun.
Not to say Jungkook doesn’t but it’s different and you don’t know how to explain why.
jungkook: hungryyyyyyyyy
jungkook: hungryyyyyyy
jungkook: HUNGRYYYY
you: lower your voice smh
“Is that Jungkook?” Jimin asked, stealing a fry for your plate, “What’s he doing? Ask him to meet us.”
“No, I’m mad at him,” You said with a huff, thinking about the expensive towing bill. You weren’t actually mad at him but more about the price you paid today. Jungkook is the one who told you it was fine to park there and the one night you do, your car gets towed. It’s never happened before and it’s technically his fault. His stupid landlord is an asshole and therefore you’re never stepping foot at his place again.
you: and actually I’m mad at you
jungkook: 🤓 why
you: 200$ 😞
jungkook: :(
you: you better buy me a spot if you want me to come over again
jungkook: hell no
You put your phone face down and looked at your empty glass, wiggling your brows at your two friends, “Another?”
jungkook: hungrryyyyy
Jimin rolled his eyes even as he let you go to the bar and order more. While you were gone he got on his phone and began to type. Mirae looked over his shoulder, “Who are you calling?”
“Jungkook.”
Jungkook knew Jimin well enough to have his number saved. They weren’t close but he’s met him around you before and the guy’s cool. When he called Jungkook assumed it had something to do with you and answered.
“Hey man, what are you doing?”
“Starving,” Jungkook groaned, staring at his empty fridge, “You?”
“Come to JJ’s, Y/n is here and we’re having a few drinks. There’s some food,” Jimin said as he looked up at you.
“Jungkook’s on his way,” Jimin told you once the call came to an end but you barely shrugged in response.
When Jungkook arrived you greeted him like normal and he bumped you further into the booth before immediately digging into your plate. He even had the nerve to ask which drink was yours before taking it, “I haven’t eaten all day.”
“Why do I feel like that’s a lie?” Jimin asked, trying to pass Jungkook the menu so he could order something for himself, “How are ya, buddy?”
“Alright, busy with work,” Jungkook said with a shrug, “It’s been back to back sessions lately and I think I need a break.”
“Have you been going to the chiropractor?” You asked worriedly. Jungkook sneered, turning to look at you, “I thought you were mad at me.”
Your jaw nearly dropped as you scoffed. He’s here eating your food and giving you attitude? It’s obvious he’s joking but it’s annoying. You crossed your arms over your chest and slumped back, “You’re here eating my food, asshole. Fine I won’t talk to you then.”
“I have been going to the chiro,” Jungkook says to you, “Thanks for worrying.”
“I wasn’t worrying,” You rolled your eyes looking across the table at Mirae as Jungkook and Jimin talked like they were good friends.
“Okay I know what I’m using my wish coupon on,” Mirae said suddenly, “You’re going with me to the movies.”
“Yay, what are we watching?” You asked more interested now.
“I don’t know. The guys haven’t chosen the movie yet,” Mirae said as she got on her phone and went to add you to a groupchat.
“What guys?” Jimin asked curiously, making Jungkook turn to look as well.
“My friend’s boyfriend and his friends,” Mirae explained briefly, “They've been wanting to go see this horror movie but it always feels awkward when I tag along with her, her man and his friends.”
“Sounds like a group date,” Jungkook said to you, watching your excitement slowly turn to dejection and for some reason it made his heart beat faster.
“It kinda does,” You agreed.
“It’s not like that. They’re actually kind of cool but I still want someone to talk to,” Mirae told you, “They’re cute.”
“Let me see a picture,” You reached out for her phone.
“Are you seeing anyone?” Jungkook asked Jimin who aggressively shook his head no.
“Not since the last one, I think she broke my heart,” Jimin pretended to sniffle, “You?”
“Nah, kinda? No,” Jungkook shook his head, “Whatever it is, it's nothing serious.”
“It’s never serious,” You corrected, “I don’t know how he keeps track of them all.”
“Don’t make me out to be a slut,” Jungkook placed his hand over his chest. Easy banter went on for the rest of the night. It was casual and comforting to spend time with those close to you on a random week night. It reminded you of how good things can be and why you liked being with them. Jimin was fun, careless, considerate. Mirae is full of welcomed attitude and charm. Jungkook is comfortable and protective, always around and ready to meet up for anything. They made things feel easy.
When you date a guy you want him to fit in with your friends and that is hard to find.
✮
Jungkook has always been a laid back guy. Despite whatever struggles he’s had, he’s always taken them with a strong head on his shoulders and people to support him. He comes from a loving family and close friends he’s known for years. He’s been in relationships and talking stages that changed him and did his military service as early as he could. He had a plan for himself and when he decided to go to college he didn’t expect to meet you.
It’s not like you had a huge impact on him or anything but he didn’t expect to meet someone he can get along with so easily. He thought he already had his lifelong friends picked out. How did you manage to force your way into his close circle and introduce to people and things he wouldn’t have known otherwise.
You’re his best friend and don’t let any of the guys hear him admit that. They already give him too much shit about you.
“Are you going for Y/n?” His friend asked a few days after he met up with you and your friends for dinner. He’s been up to his usual routine during the week and has barely gotton to see or talk to you.
Jungkook and his friend just had a two hour gym session that left them both jittery and out of breath as they sat in the locker room packing up their belongings. He pulled his helmet out and carried it next to him as he shook his head no, “I’m not driving her around anymore.”
“She got her car back? That’s good,” Taehyung said. You didn’t have it for almost a full week and during that time Jungkook was helping you get to and from work. Since then you’ve had your car and haven’t had a reason to call him up—not that it mattered or anything.
“Wanna get on the game later?” He asked.
“Sure, I’ll shower and have dinner then hop on.”
The two split ways and Jungkook got on his bike to rush home. His evenings didn’t contain much excitement as they did during his college days but they were alright. He’d do exercises after work, head home and wash up, make dinner or go out, and hang out. If he was seeing someone it would look slightly different but he doesn’t usually let it get that far.
It’s not that he’s scared of commitment or anything, he just doesn’t feel the need to be dating at the moment. He’s perfectly content with the way he lives and if he were to get serious with anyone it would have to be someone who understands him. Yes, he does the occasional hook up or fling but they’re never more than that. He’s bad at seriously dating. He’s got to feel truly comfortable with someone.
After his shower, he stood alone in his kitchen thinking of what to make for dinner when he checked the time on his phone. It was almost nine and he’s yet to hear about how your night has gone. The movie was set at six so you had to rush after work to meet with Mirae and all her people but the movie should’ve ended by now. Why haven’t you told him how it went if it’s over now?
Maybe he should just ask.
jungkook: is the movie over
You probably won’t respond if your phone’s on ‘Do Not Disturb’ so he didn’t expect a response.
you: yeah
jungkook: was it scary
you: ehhhhhh not really
jungkook: what r u doing now
you: they wanted to get food after
jungkook: and here I am cooking for myself
Without question Jungkook took a picture of it all, sending it right to you with a message that said;
jungkook: ur favorite
you: 👀 is that an invite
jungkook: depends, r u gonna actually come over or hang out with ur new friends
you: idk one of them is reallllyyyyyy cute
jungkook: stay with them then
You looked at everyone you were with curiously. The movie had ended a bit ago and you were walking to the nearest restaurant talking. Mirae was right, the guys were cool and her friend was nice but it was a lot of effort on your part to be social. One of the guys was particularly cute and he spent a little more time with you than anyone else but did that really mean anything?
“I think I’m gonna call it a night,” You said, thinking about the early morning you have tomorrow and how everyone seemed ready to grab a few drinks. Mirae looked at you, “Really? You’re not even hungry?”
“Not really,” You lied with a shrug, “Are you gonna be good?”
“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
You said goodbye to them all, sharing information with the cute friend and split ways. On your way to Jungkook’s he let you know parking spot 97 was good to use and despite arguing with him about it you took his word.
“If I get towed again we’re not going to be friends anymore,” You told him once you let yourself into his apartment, immediately being greeted by Bam whose tail whipped back and forth behind him with excitement.
“It’s my spot, Goofy,” Jungkook said, casually throwing on a shirt once you were in. Up until now he’s been cooking shirtless from his shower.
“Your spot is 98,” You reminded him, watching the way he rolled his eyes and turned the stove off.
“Didn’t you tell me to rent you one?” Jungkook asked, pulling the pot off the stove and onto a cooling rack, “Grab bowls.”
“You actually did it?” You asked with a smile, “Bless your kind soul.”
He brushed you off as you did what he asked and went straight to the end of the peninsula countertop where you could sit and eat. Jungkook didn’t bother sitting down, choosing to eat standing up behind the counter and looking at you with curiosity.
“What?”
“How was the date?” He asked.
“What date?” You scoffed, “You mean the movie? One, it wasn’t a date and Two, I told you it was alright.”
“You didn’t drink, did you?” Jungkook asked, ignoring the attitude behind your words. You rolled your eyes, “I wouldn’t have driven here if I had been. I left before we made it to the restaurants. Why so curious tonight?”
He shrugged, the plate completely empty and he began to wash it and what he used to cook. When you finished and offered to help he told you no and washed your stuff too.
“I’m so full, have I ever told you how good of a Cook you are,” You said as you threw yourself onto his couch, a grunt leaving your lips when Bam nearly tackled you down.
“I wouldn’t mind hearing it again,” Jungkook said, rummaging through his fridge and smiling widely, “Want a drink?”
“I’m driving.”
“You can just crash on the couch, it’ll be fine,” Jungkook shrugged, carrying over a couple glasses and a bottle of Soju.
That was enough convincing for you to sit on the floor beside him as he set things down on the coffee table. You took the remote and played some movie in the background as he poured the small glass.
“You’re a bad influence,” You joked as you took the first drink like it was a pre-starter and he did the same, “We’ve got work tomorrow.”
“You only go in for a couple hours, I know your schedule, don't forget that,” Jungkook pointed a teasing finger at you, plopping down on the floor with his legs crossed, “I’ve got a beginner’s session around 10am and a few private classes after. I’ll be the one regretting it tomorrow, not you.”
“Yet you’re still the one asking for more,” You said playfully, reaching for the familiar green bottle and pouring a little more in his glass. You didn’t notice the way Jungkook’s gaze flickered down to your exposed waist when you leaned over the coffee table to grab it. The waist of your underwear showed just slightly underneath and he was surprised to find out it was black and lacy making his eyebrow quirk with curiosity. When you sat back down he looked away, pretending to be focused on the movie, “You dressed up for your date?”
“It wasn’t a date,” You said with a groan, sitting back a little closer to him than before and he didn’t bother moving away, “And look at what I’m wearing. Does it look like I dressed up?”
A knowing smirk pulled at his lips as he raised the glass to his lips, “I didn’t realize you wore lace so casually.”
Your brows furrowed with confusion, realization dawning on you just moments later and without thinking you pushed at him playfully, “How’d you know?”
Jungkook laughed, hand sliding down your back where your shirt rose and he didn’t hesitate to reach for the thin fabric nearly pulling on it just to feel you squirm. You couldn’t help but whine, moving away, “Freak.”
“Says you,” Jungkook said, keeping his hand on you, “Come on tell me, how was the date.”
“Why are you insisting it was a date?” You asked, taking a big gulp and turning to face him, “You never hear me asking about your little flings or whatever you like to call them nowadays.”
“But if you asked me I’d tell you, I wouldn’t be all secretive about it like you are,” He said with a shrug of his shoulders, “Hurry up and drink more.”
“Don’t pressure me,” You rolled your eyes but did as told, “And I did tell you. I said one of them were cute over text, remember?”
“Hardly,” He shrugged looking away with a bored expression, “Cuter than me?”
You didn’t say anything making him smile, “I’ll take that as a no.”
“He was alright, pretty cute and nice,” You finally said but Jungkook wasn’t listening anymore. His attention had drifted to the way you leaned against him with your side against his fitting perfectly beside him. It was obvious your words fell on deaf ears but you didn’t seem to mind either. You turned to face him, convince him that the guy you met was just cute but it wasn’t worth it. You’ll probably never see the guy again and if he does want to text, it most likely won’t lead to anything.
“What?” He asked, catching your stare.
“You’re drunk,” You pointed out his red cheeks and ears, “Already?”
“No.”
“Then why are you blushing?” You asked with a teasing smile going to poke his flushed cheek when he grabbed your hand suddenly. You both had been casually drinking since you sat down but it isn't until now that you can feel the alcohol take effect over your body. You blamed it for the way you were looking at your friend at the moment.
It was hard to see him as just Jungkook, right now you can only see him for how attractive he was. He’s gotten way more muscular lately and with the added tattoos it’s hard to ignore it. When you walked into his apartment earlier and found him shirtless it was hard not to look at his abdomen. You don’t remember the eight pack or his biceps that big. Without thinking you placed a hand on his chest, taut muscles tense underneath your touch.
Jungkook couldn’t help but let his breath hitch when your hand trailed down his rib cage suddenly, “What?”
“You’ve gotta get a new hobby, you’re going to get too bulky,” You said jokingly, feeling his muscles. He was taken back to have your hand on him but he didn’t back away, “But you like it.”
Not bothering to wait for a response, he lifted the end of his shirt displaying a smooth trail of muscle down his torso and prominent V-line that you tried not to eye too hard. Your hand slipped down without much thought to your actions and lifted your brows in surprise. His skin felt hot to the touch and part of you wanted to keep running your hand over him but you knew better. It would be weird if you did. It’s not like he’s just some random guy…
“I need to pee,” You blurted out, rushing to your feet and kicking his leg playfully, “Put your shirt down.”
“Might just take it off for you,” Jungkook teased, biting his lip watching you walk away.
When you were alone looking at yourself in the mirror it was easier to tell how you felt. You were past tipsy and buzzed but not fully drunk. Your vision was slightly blurry and when you stood straight you felt dizzy but it was the good kind of dizzy.
“What next?” Jungkook asked when you came out of the bathroom, hair up in a clip now and makeup wiped away with some wet wipe he had in the bathroom. He had to do a double take at your new appearance but he didn’t mind the change. You looked comfortable and he can see the clear look of buzz on your face that he’s sure matched his, “Or are you calling it already?”
“Calling what?” You sat back down next to him, stumbling into him a little and he helped you with a hand on your waist guiding you down. Neither of you seemed to care for the fact that you were partially sitting on his lap.
“Calling it a night,” Jungkook said, shifting you closer to his front, “You’ve taken off your makeup, put your hair up… you look ready for bed.”
“I thought you wanted to drink,” You said, suddenly aware of how close the two of you were and his lip piercing had a slight shine from the light reflecting off of it.
“Not if your date tired you out,” Jungkook said with a knowing smirk when you rolled your eyes, leaning into him a little more. He didn’t care who you met up with tonight but he knows it’s getting on your nerves and sometimes he loves to push your buttons, “You probably would’ve preferred to stay out with them since one of them was… what’d you say? Cute? Nice?”
“If you think that, why'd you ask me to come over?” You asked slightly irritated now.
He shrugged, grinning now when he felt you relax in his hold, almost straddling him, “Technically, I did say you could stay with them.”
Your eyes narrowed, hands on his chest ready to push yourself off him, “Fine, I got his number. I’ll see if they’re still ou—“
“No,” He whined, arms tightening around your waist, “No, you’re already here and you’re drunk now. You can’t leave, be a safe driver.”
“Are you trying to manipulate me to stay?” You couldn’t help but laugh, arms circling around his neck. He felt your breath tickle his ear and for some reason it made a shiver run down his spine.
“Depends, is it working?”
It was.
It had been since the beginning. Jungkook didn’t need to do much to get you to hang out with him and he knew that. It’s the same way around. It takes little for Jungkook to beg you to spend time with him. You’re his best friend.
And as his best friend… sometimes… sometimes he wonders how your lips taste. He doesn’t remember when his hand moved from your waist to your neck, or how he moved it to tilt your chin up until your lips were brushing against each other. All he remembers is how close you were to kissing and all he needed was one push, one sign that you want this too and he’ll go for it.
You nearly fell into it too. You can blame the alcohol or the fact that Jungkook is incredibly hot despite only seeing him as a friend but you wanted to kiss him too. You would’ve.
Key words: Would Have.
“Open the door, you Fuck!”
You practically threw yourself off him as someone pounded on his door and it took you a second to reel in what was about to happen. Jungkook couldn’t move for a second, trying to understand why you got off of him so quickly when he heard it again.
“Jungkook, I checked your location, open up,” His friend yelled, knocking on the door, “I’m going to piss myself, let me in!”
“Coming!” Jungkook shouted, sounding annoyed as he got up to unlock the front door. You pulled yourself onto the couch, fixing your shirt that had risen when his hands had grazed your waist and stared down at the empty bottles of Soju.
“Tae—“ He couldn’t finish his sentence before his friend was pushing past him and running straight for the bathroom, waving hello to you before disappearing. He stood at the open door trying to wrap his head around what just happened.
The two of you were drinking, messing around and almost kissed? Almost? If Taehyung hadn’t come barging in would you have done it? Would you know when to stop? Would you stop anyway?
“Fuck, I was in the cab on my way home and he would not pull over,” Taehyung said once he was done with his business, “I was like ‘Listen dude, my friend lives around here so drop me off or I’m going to puke in your backseat’.”
“I thought you had to pee,” You chimed in when he sat down next to you, acting like he had been there the whole time.
“I thought so too but it came up the other way instead, what are you guys doing? Drinking?” Taehyung asked looking down at the coffee table, “Ugh I can’t even think about it, don’t play APT with Jin hyung, he talks too fast and wins everytime.”
“Maybe he was just speaking gibberish but you couldn’t tell,” Jungkook said, arms crossed over his chest looking unimpressed, “So… is the cab still out there waiting or…”
“Nah, I’m just gonna crash here—“
“Great!” Jungkook scoffed, “Sleepover at my place, first Y/n… now you… it’s like we’re in school…”
“Well I would’ve gone home if you didn’t ask to drink,” You told him trying to ignore the fact that you almost kissed but it was hard to ignore the way he bit his lip at you, “I could still call an Uber.”
“Nah, Taehyung can,” Jungkook said, sitting on the armchair across from you.
“Whoa, you’re the first person I thought of, why kick me out now? I’m drunk, Kook, be nice to me,” Taehyung pouted, leaning against your shoulder, “What’d you do? Why’s he so grumpy?”
“Don’t blame me, you’re the one that came pounding on the door so late at night,” You said playfully, shoving Taehyung off. He was more Jungkook’s friend then yours but you’ve hung out around him enough to feel comfortable with him.
“So? I always do that—Why?” Taehyung turned abruptly, “What were you guys doing?”
“Drinking,” Jungkook said, “You wouldn’t want to since yknow… Jin got you drunk… you probably want to call it a night…”
“Nah, I puked a little earlier so I’m fine now,” Taehyung said, “Plus I haven’t seen Y/n in a while, what are we watching?”
“Actually, I’m tired,” You told him with a small yawn, “I think I’m calling it a night.”
“Are you trying to get rid of me?” Taehyung asked.
You laughed, “No, I’m just saying I’m tired.”
“Go to my room,” Jungkook said with a sigh, thinking about what the two of you were about to do before he stormed in, “I’ll stay out here with him.”
When you left, Jungkook threw a pillow at Taehyung’s head, making the other groan, “What?”
“Nothing,” Jungkook huffed , “Now I gotta sleep on the couch.”
Taehyung smirked, feeling more sober now as he put two and two together, “Or you could go follow your girlfriend…”
“We’re no—we’re not dating,” Jungkook thought about how you almost kissed and his face flushed red, “For fuck’s same, go get the extra blankets and pillows. I get the big couch—“
“But I’m like a centimeter taller than—“
“This is my house!” Jungkook yelled, throwing himself on the couch and covering his face with one of the pillows, “Or get an Uber back to yours.”
“Jeez, you’re rude tonight. I always come over when I’m drunk,” Taehyung laughed knowing how annoyed Jungkook was, “Just say you were going to get freaky with Y/n.”
“I wasn’t!”
✮
It took you a full day to come to terms with what happened the other night at Jungkook’s. The two of you had been drinking and almost kissed, almost.
There’s no way to deny it. You were close to kissing.
If Taehyung hadn’t shown up out of the blue, would you have done it? Would he have slept in the same bed as you? What would you do or say if he asked?
There’s always been an underlying sense of tension between you but you tried not to think about it. You told yourself that nothing was ever going to happen. It was just how friendships with someone you found attractive was.
A loud sigh left your lips, dropping your head against your keyboard and letting an endless stream of spaces fill the word document. Soft fingers pulled your head up to slide the keyboard out making you look up at the person who did it. Jimin sat at the end of your desk, “I was just sitting in my office wondering why my friend hasn’t gone to distract me today. What’s up with you?”
“Morning, can’t focus,” You told him.
“How’d the showing go?” Jimin asked, trying to find something that could get you talking.
“They liked it, it’s a little over their budget but I think we’ll close the deal on it,” You said.
“Good, what about the other night?”
“What about the other night?” Your question sounded rushed and made him look at you with peaked interest. He crossed his arms over his chest and smirked.
“With Mirae and the movie,” Jimin said. He watched you release a breath you weren’t aware you were holding and pressed you for more, “Did you talk to any of the guys?”
“Yeah… um, I did,” You sat back, chair swiveling out as you turned to face him, “His name’s Namjoon. I got his number and he texted me yesterday before the showing to wish me luck.”
“So what? Are you and Mirae gonna ditch me when you guys find someone? Who are going to be my drinking buddies when you’re off with your boyfriends? She told me all about the other guy, I’m starting to feel pushed aside,” Jimin spoke in a ramble making you roll your eyes.
“Relax, it was the first time I met him. Mirae, yeah she really hit it off with the other guy,” You said.
Jimin just nodded, taking in your words and finally deciding to bring it up, “Mirae said you left early though.”
“Yeah, they wanted to go out to eat but I wasn’t hungry…” You said.
“Bullshit, I checked your location, you went to Jungkook’s pla—“
“Okay! What’s up with all the stalking lately? First Taehyung, now you—we share locations so that you know I’m safe after a night out,” You pointed a finger at him, trying to deflect some of the questions away from you, “And yeah, I did go to his place. He made food and I didn’t want to go eat with all of them anyway.”
“Interesting excuse, so what? Did you guys fight or something? You know I understand you’re close friends but you’re not close friends like we are.“
“That’s not tru—“ You cut yourself off thinking about how you almost kissed Jungkook and as much as you love Jimin, you’ll never find yourself kissing him, almost!
A loud groan left your lips as you dropped your head against the keyboard again and Jimin watched the aggressive keyboard smash type out gibberish. This time it was his turn to roll his eyes and he stood up, “We both know that’s a lie but fine, I’ll let you be.”
You don’t remember how the rest of your day went aside from the fact that you were distracted the entire time. Right now you have three different clients you’re currently helping buy their first home and the last thing you need is to be distracted right now.
Jungkook is your friend and until he makes it clear that he is interested, you’re just going to move on. Well… even if he was interested, what does that mean? Does that mean you’re into him? It’s all so confusing.
He took a deep breath, leg threatening to bounce with anxiety as he counted the reps his current client did between sets.
“Kook, man, you’re killing me today,” His client said with a deep huff, nearly collapsing on the floor as he set the weight down, “I thought we’d be taking it easy after the last session.”
“I don’t know why you would think that,” Jungkook said, “Take a breather and do another fifteen.”
Even as he said that, he switched places with Hoseok and prepared himself to do a set. His client watched him with his mouth open in confusion, “It’s what you said! You said we’d be taking it easy today since last time was so much. I’m still a sore man, please don’t do this to me.”
”You’re right, I did say that,” Jungkook huffed, counting in his head as he did bench presses, “Next session we’ll take it easy.”
“Fuck, I need a new trainer,” Hoseok groaned, chugging back water and pacing back and forth.
“You’re at my gym! You’re lucky we’re friends, don’t say that,” Jungkook stood up and motioned for Hoseok to go, “Now you're doing twenty.”
“Rude,” Hoseok said, “What’s up with you anyways? You seem on edge today.”
“I’m fine,” Jungkook said looking down at his gym bag where his phone currently was, “But uh, just out of curiosity… if someone hasn’t talked to you in a couple days, what does it mean?”
Hoseok couldn’t help but chuckle, “Come on, how old are we? That’s what you’re stressing about?”
When Jungkook didn’t laugh it off Hoseok got a little more serious, “Depends on the person. Girlfriend? Family member? Stranger?”
“Not girlfriend—just friend,” Jungkook clarified quickly.
“Friend?” Hoseok looked at him curiously, “Friend with the occasional benefits or Friend you’re currently upset with?”
“Neither, just friend,” Jungkook shook his head, “I mean… like actual, genuine friend and… fuck, I don’t know.”
“Who?”
Jungkook didn’t say anything but it wasn’t hard for Hoseok to connect the pieces, “Y/n?”
To that, Jungkook nodded meekly.
“I mean… it’s normal to not talk everyday. We don’t talk everyday, I send you like a hundred Instagram reels a day that you don’t see me crying about,” Hoseok said, skipping from 15 to 17 and hoping Jungkook didn’t catch the reps he didn’t do, “Which by the way, you could at least bother to react to every now and then.”
“Sorry, you’re right, I’m overthinking it,” Jungkook said, “And you’re not done, you skipped ahead.”
“Fucker,” Hoseok cursed under his breath and hurried to do them properly before he could take a break, “But honestly, what’s up with you and Y/n? Aren’t you ‘just friends’?”
“We are,” Jungkook bit his lip nervously, “I don’t know I’m being weird. I’ll just ask her what shes doing later.”
“Being weird about what?”
Jungkook looked at him with wide, rounded eyes like he’d just been caught doing something he shouldn’t have and the words came out in a shy whisper, “Nothing.”
✮
Over the night Jungkook reached out to you. He sent you some stupid text about a new tv show he’s watching that he thinks you could get into. It wasn’t anything serious or anything but it brushed past what happened. It was normal.
Things were normal and clearly nothing had happened that night so you were overthinking for no reason.
“You don’t want to go?” Mirae asked, watching you stare at your reflection for the hundredth time trying to find something off about your appearance.
“I do, we’re going, don’t worry,” You looked around, “I just need perfume.”
“Where’s Jungkook?” She asked, standing up for you to give her some too. You checked the ETA on your Uber before answering.
“Huh? He’s probably already there, I don’t know. Let’s go downstairs, the Uber’s pulling up,” You told her as you quickly grabbed your things and began to walk out your room. Your friend followed suit, “And then we’re going out with Namjoon and Jisoo, right?”
The only reason Mirae agreed to come with you was so that you could go with her and the guy she likes later. A couple days ago Jungkook let you know that Taehyung was going to have a few friends over to watch some MMA fight on tv and drink. You still felt awkward seeing him in person and he knew you had no reason to say no so there was no point in trying. In the end you asked Mirae to join you and after begging, she agreed. She had plans with one of the guys from last week and found it perfect to have you tag along after.
You’ve been to Taehyung’s place once or twice before — usually with Jungkook — but it was different to walk in without him.
“Look who finally showed up,” Taehyung said with a smile as he opened the door for you and Mirae, “Hi Y/n, and Mirae right?”
The two have met before but it was brief and awkward so you were surprised he even remembered her name but they greeted each other politely anyway. You looked around, surprised to see a lot more people than you anticipated, “Doesn’t look like a couple friends, Tae.”
“I’m a social being,” Taehyung said with a hand to his chest, “Jungkook is somewhere around here. I thought you’d be coming with him and then got stuck waiting around for you to show up.”
“I need a drink first.”
Jungkook was across the room talking with some people you didn’t know. It wasn’t hard for you to see that the one closest to him was a pretty brunette with a soft smile and big eyes. She talked with him the most and you had no idea who she was. For all you know he could’ve come with her tonight or just met her and really hit it off, you’re not sure, and you’d rather not know.
He barely knew the girl but Yoongi introduced her to him a while before you got to Taehyung’s place. He had been staring at his phone anxiously waiting for a text that never came and the next thing he knew, Yoongi was having him meet Sera. She was pretty and easy to talk to, paid attention to him even when others talked and stood by him wherever he moved to. It was alright, he didn’t mind the extra attention but it wasn’t… that interesting.
Sera said something in his ear that he had to lean down to hear properly but in all honesty he wasn’t listening to begin with. If anything it reminded him of when you whispered in his ear but it didn’t feel the same. His eyes scanned the people that arrived over time, occasionally drifting to the door and stopping once he saw you walk in. You wore a short black dress that accentuated your legs and it was hard for his eyes to remain on your face. Mirae was dressed similarly and you both looked out of place in a good way.
“How do you know Taehyung?” He heard Sera ask and he answered with little eagerness, watching you talk with his friend and head for the drinks.
“We met a few years ago when I first moved to the city,” Jungkook said, looking down at her trying to focus but his mind had gone elsewhere. Turning to Yoongi he said, “I’m gonna go say hi to Y/n.”
Yoongi could try and keep him around but there was no point. Jungkook was walking off before anyone could stop him. He left Sera alone with the others so he can talk to you. Since you last seen each other and had the ‘Almost Kiss’ he had only texted you. You’ve both had a busy week with work and nerves probably kept you apart.
He didn’t like that. He didn’t want to overthink anything. He just wanted to talk to his friend.
“What are we drinking?” He asked with an overly gracious smile, slipping himself between you and the counter so you were forced to look at him.
“Depends, what have you had?” You asked, immediately feeling yourself tense for a second before you realized who it was.
“Nothing too strong just yet,” Jungkook admitted, “I’ve been waiting for you all night.”
He greeted your friend quietly before looking back at you and where you stared off at, “Really? I’ve been here for a while, I figured you would’ve noticed earlier if you’ve been waiting all this time.”
He could sense the small sarcastic tone in your voice but there was nothing strange to it. You usually talked this way with him, always sounding close to flirting or jealous or… interested in him. It was confusing at first but overtime he’s learned to ignore the tone or offer it back. It works for your friendship.
“I might’ve gotten a little distracted,” He couldn’t help but smile, “What time did you get home last night?”
“Early,” You said with a shrug making his brow arch, watching you pour yourself a mix of rum and coke.
“Then why didn’t you text me back?” He asked.
“I did—well, I was going to,” You began to say, feeling yourself on the edge of smiling as you thought up an excuse, “I forgot.”
“Right…” Jungkook rolled his eyes looking over at Mirae instead, “You both look nice, did you just have dinner or something?”
“No, we’re meeting up with some guys in a bit,” Mirae said without much thought and you snapped your eyes to her. She looked up, catching the way Jungkook’s smile dropped a fraction lower and shifted her gaze toward you. Your glare was enough to tell her she shouldn’t have said anything.
“Guys? The one’s from the movie? What are you doing? Going out?” He asked, attempting to sound indifferent. It’s not like he can say anything. He doesn’t know why it doesn’t sit right with him but it didn’t. He didn’t even know the guy but he knew you thought he was cute. Jungkook knew you were talking to him at least a little and that you wore a dress for him tonight.
“Take this,” You offered Jungkook the drink, “And we’re going out for a little bit but I think it’ll be a casual night.”
“Super casual,” Mirae laughed nervously, looking around, “Where’s the bathroom? I’ll be back.”
Before you could follow after her, he stood in front of you.
“So who were you talking to? Have I met her?” You asked, clearing your throat awkwardly. It was an attempt to take some of the heat off of you because this was feeling like an odd interrogation. Anyone passing but might think it’s a lover’s quarrel but it wasn’t.
“I’ve barely met her,” Jungkook said, “It’s Sora… Sua… Sera? Something like that, I don’t know. A friend of Yoongi’s I met the other night.”
“Cool,” You looked back to find her talking with someone else now.
“What about the cute and nice guy you’ve been going on about? You’re seeing him again tonight?” Jungkook asked, taking a sip from the cup and leaning against the kitchen counter. He had a good view of you standing a couple feet away and he had to resist the urge to pull you closer.
“I have not been going on about him, there’s nothing going on,” You told him with an exaggerated sigh, leaning into him absentmindedly and feeling his hand on your side keeping you steady, “I asked Mirae to come with but she had plans with them after and just asked me to tag along.”
“Alright, you don’t have to explain it.” Jungkook said, sounding like he was brushing you off but not meaning to. Obviously he was happy you were here and talking to him but he didn’t want to hear more. It was beginning to sound like you were explaining yourself to him. Making yourself sound better after he asked you about Namjoon. He doesn’t even know why he asked you about that guy, he doesn’t care.
“Alright, I won’t,” you crossed your arms over your chest looking away from him, “Don’t ask me about anyone then.”
Jungkook had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from responding. He didn’t have anything to say because all he wanted was for you to tell him a little more about Namjoon. Why did he act like he didn’t care when he did?
Without bothering to ask anything he was scared to know about, he turned away from you and looked back at the people he was standing with before. You walked off to find Mirae, a little annoyed with Jungkook for reasons you couldn’t understand and needed to get away. Whatever, you almost kissed and considering he hasn't said anything about it it’s clearly not on his mind. If that’s the case why does he act like he cares about who you talk to only to stop you when you explain yourself?
When he joined Yoongi and the others again he acted like he didn’t care that you wandered off away from him. He didn’t seem bothered when you left later that night without saying goodbye and didn’t check his phone once for a text from you.
He can’t explain why but he doesn’t know how to feel about you. For so long now it feels like you’ve just been a close friend to him. You’re someone he calls when he’s bored and thinks of when he finds something funny. You get him like a friend, you don’t expect much either. You’re more like the guys he’s friends with, and you’re not like the girls who’ve tried to get with him. He doesn’t know how to explain it but he likes having you around and the last thing he wants to do is complicate things by catching feelings.
Especially when he doesn’t know how you feel and he’s too nervous to ask. It’d be crossing the line. You’d probably be grossed out if he expresses interest in you. He’s seen how quick you are to stop being friends with a guy who approaches you like a friend but wants to be with you.
He’s already done too much by almost kissing you.
“Y/n, good to see you and don’t you look pretty,” Namjoon said later that night, hugging you in greeting when you met up with him and Jisoo. The club you’d gone to after Taehyung’s was lovely and packed with people everywhere that it was hard to find him in the first place. He brought a surprising smile to your face but you’re not sure how to feel about him just yet.
“Thank you, thank you, dressed up just for you,” You told him playfully, leaning against the bar when Jisoo asked for your drink order. Namjoon was attractive and charming but… there’s something holding you back even if you flirted with him absentmindedly. Was there much weight to your actions? Did you actually care to get to know him better?
“I like it, how’s your night been?” Namjoon attempted small talk. It was what your conversations usually consisted of. Even the first night you met you only talked about the movie and when Jungkook texted you, you talked about your friends too.
He’s told you a little about himself and you’ve told about yourself but not enough. Your mind always seemed off somewhere else.
Time passed by without wondering about Jungkook, using Namjoon as a distraction but it didn’t work for as long as you hoped. When your night had dulled and your friends dared to call it the end, Namjoon looked at you for an invitation to your apartment that you never gave him. You went your separate ways and left on your own.
It was past 3am and you should’ve gone to bed, not gotten on your phone to find someone to talk to.
“Hello?”
“Are you sleeping?” You asked, falling on your bed and sinking into the pillows.
“Was trying to, what’s up?” Jungkook asked with a small yawn that had you debating if you should hang up and let him sleep instead.
“Nevermind, you’re tired I shouldn’t have called,” You began to say, looking around for your phone charger to connect it before you end the call.
He sat up in bed, checking the time and sighing, “But you did, are you still out with your new friends?”
“Jungkook!” You whined, rolling onto your stomach and staring up at your dimly lit ceiling.
“I’m kidding,” He laughed softly, voice a little raspy from being half-asleep but he couldn’t help but press you again, “But are you?”
“I just got home but I’m not tired. I’m bored.” You admitted.
“What should I do about that?” Jungkook smiled, imagining the way you roll your eyes.
“I don’t know…” You bit your lip in thought. You really weren’t tired but that didn’t mean you had to drag Jungkook around.
“Want me to come over?” He finally asked.
“It’s late.”
“I think we both know that.” He rolled his eyes, already getting out of bed so he could throw some clothes on, “Do you?”
“What would we do?” You asked, leaving your bedroom so you could get the front door unlocked for him.
He put his phone on speaker as he slipped on a pair of sweats and threw a hoodie over his head, “I don’t know, we both don’t work tomorrow. Maybe watch a movie?”
“At this hour?” You asked. You could hear Jungkook huff, sitting on the edge of his bed unsure what to do, “You really want to come over?”
“Maybe, you did ditch me tonight—“ Jungkook started, getting cut off by yet another whine.
“No I didn’t! You know what, come over so we can talk,” You told him.
“I’m already getting dressed, chill out.”
It took only around ten minutes for Jungkook to come around and he walked into your apartment with a shake of his head. You must’ve left it unlocked earlier and he didn’t like that. What if someone broke in? He locked the door behind himself, kicking his shoes off by the heels you wore tonight. The only light he could find came from your bedroom and he didn’t hesitate to let himself in.
“What have I told you about leaving your door unlocked?” His words were barely heard over your scream of terror as you walked out of the bathroom dressed in a t-shirt and pajama shorts.
Once the scare wore off you said, “Relax I left it open for you.”
“Sure you did, I bet it was for your new fri—ow!” He groaned dramatically when you hit his arm playfully. He laughed at your annoyance and threw himself on the bed, “I’m kidding. What’d you go do anyway? Did your dress leave him swooning?”
“You’re so annoying,” You sighed jumping down next to him, “Just say you’re jealous.”
“Jealous?” A scoff left his lips.
“Sounds like it,” You looked for your remote, “What do you wanna watch?”
“I’m not jealous. If you want to go hang out with another guy then do what you want,” Jungkook cleared his throat awkwardly, “We’re just friends, anyway.”
You raised a brow in confusion and surprise by his tone with you, “And if I wanted to don’t you think I would be doing that right now?
“I mean you did earlier when you left,” Jungkook said annoyingly.
“Go home if you’re going to argue with me,” You told him, rolling your eyes and crossing your arms over your chest with frustration.
“Hell no, I drove over at this hour, I’m sleeping here,” As if to make his point more clear, he made himself comfortable on your bed.
“Not if you’re going to act mean.”
“I’m not!” Jungkook scoffed, leaning up with your pillows, “I’ll stop, whatever, fine. Don’t kick me out, it’s so late. I drove all the way here for you.”
“It’s like a ten minute drive,” You groaned when he pulled on the end of your hoodie, “What?”
“This is mine,” Jungkook looked at the gray apparel, “I don’t remember giving it to you.”
“You didn’t, but you left it in my car,” You tried to pull back but it was no use. Jungkook wasn’t letting you move away.
“So? Doesn’t mean it’s yours. I want it back—“
“I’ll wash it,” You pulled your covers up to hide yourself underneath but there was no point. A smirk appeared on his face, “I want it now though.”
You didn’t say anything as he pulled you closer, falling over him a little. His hand slid down your waist keeping you against him, too close to be appropriate for two friends.
“What are you gonna do? Take it off me?” You dared to ask, making yourself comfortable against his chest. Part of you knew you shouldn’t be laying in bed like this with your friend.
“Should I?” He asked in a low whisper, fingers slipping up your back just under the hoodie where he could feel your bare skin. You didn’t wear anything underneath and it made him want to explore more.
You didn’t say anything or bother to push his hand away. You kind of liked his touch, it was gentle but his fingers were rough from all the time he spends at the gym. Your body lay on his, leg nearly hooked around his waist and looking down at him with curiosity.
Jungkook could make out small fragments of makeup you couldn’t get all the way off. There was still a small outline of lip gloss and your lashes were dark and long. Your cheeks still had a hint of blush but even in this state you were pretty. He can’t get the image of you in that dress earlier out of his mind.
You were oddly close to him and found yourself in the same predicament as last time. Your lips only centimeters apart from his and a need to close that space. Jungkook parted his lips in a breath, catching the way you looked at him and his hand had slowed down its caress until it was tracing a soft line against your spine.
He felt the shift of your upper body when you tried to lean up, almost closing the space but hesitant still.
You wanted to kiss him. He can tell and he wanted to kiss you just as bad. This time around there were no interruptions so what was stopping him from leaning into you too?
“How much did you drink tonight?” Jungkook found himself asking before he could stop himself. It wasn’t the right time to ask but he wanted to know if this was just something that happened when you were drunk or could it happen sober too?
“I don’t know, I stopped drinking like a while before I got home,” You leaned back, brows furrowed together, “Why? You drank tonight too?”
“I went home a little after you left,” he admitted. It was around midnight when you left Taehyung’s to go with Mirae and those guys. He’d barely managed to survive at the party much long after that and called it an early night. You’d been out longer than he had.
“Okay…” You pushed off of him, feeling his arm loosen around you, “That was kind of random.”
Jungkook knew he should have stayed quiet. He should’ve just kissed you and see where things could’ve gone but he had to ruin it. He had to ask you something that was eating at him.
All he’s been able to think about lately is possibly kissing you and this time around he ruined it all on his own.
“Y/n,” He poked your side to get your attention but you had your back to him, turned on your side and tuned him out.
You felt stupid for even attempting to kiss him. He pushed you away after what felt like him flirting with you and it was embarrassing. He just sees you as a friend so you have to stop doing this.
With a huff of frustration, he stretched himself out on his side of your bed and stared at the night landscape on your flatscreen. In a few short moments it’d go into sleep mode on its own and the room would go pitch black.
You must’ve been tired, worked up or even a little buzzed still but you fell asleep long before he did. You’d been so tired you didn’t notice when your cell phone fell onto the bed in the space between you and just as he felt himself close to sleep, the screen lit up the room.
Jungkook planned on ignoring it, not caring who might’ve texted but something in him told him to look. Plus, you’d be mad if you woke up in the morning and your phone wasn’t charging. He picked it up, eyes squinting at the bright light and read the notification.
namjoon: did u make it home safe ????
Here he was sleeping in your bed while another guy texted you. How dumb is he?
You flirt with him but you don’t want him, simple as that and he doesn’t know if he could take it anymore. After some contemplation, he carefully got out of your bed and rounded to your side. He found your charger and connected your phone before he left your bedroom quietly and went home before you could wake up.
✮
Your office felt oddly cold that following Monday. You spent Sunday holed up in your bedroom trying to figure out what happened over the weekend and you’ve somewhat come to terms with it when you texted Jungkook and he chose not to respond.
You weren’t in the mood to work but there was nothing you could do about it. The clients you were supposed to meet with postponed the lunch meeting to later in the day so really, you could go home for a while but you also didn’t want to. It would make you think about how you almost kissed Jungkook and how he pushed you away and left in the middle of the night like you were some one night stand or something.
“I’m not going out anymore,” You told Jimin as you walked into his office, “I make poor decisions when I’m under the influence and I’m done.”
“Why? I thought you went out with Mirae,” Jimin said swiveling his chair out from under his desk top, “Which by the way, fuck you both for no invite.”
“It was last minute,” You told him, leaning against a shelf, “And I regret it.”
“Why?”
“Stop asking me questions, I can’t explain it,” You whined, covering your ears dramatically which only made your friend roll his eyes.
“You storm into my office complaining and I’m not allowed to ask questions? What happened to a positive work environment?” Jimin asked with a scoff.
“It’s hard to explain, it was great when I was with Mirae and Namjoon and Jisoo but…” You bit your lip nervously.
“But what?” Jimin waited. He knew how your night went because Mirae filled him in on everything. He had known you went to Jungkook’s friend’s place to pregame and if it wasn’t the group you were with that left you stressed it had to be Jungkook. You think you’re so secretive about the trials and tribulations of your ‘friendship’ with him.
“Nothing,” you sighed out, checking your phone. Maybe you just needed to give it a few days for the embarrassment to go away and you’ll be fine again.
Jimin looked at you expectantly, deciding to take a different route for his questions, “So how was it with Namjoon? Mirae is all Heart Eyes for Jisoo.”
“Huh? Oh, no it’s nothing like that,” You told him honestly, “We talked yesterday and I don’t know, I think it’s obvious we’re good as friends right now.”
“So no feelings at all?” Jimin asked, watching you shake your head, so he kept pushing, “Really? Have you actually thought about it though? I thought he’d be someone who’s your type or something.”
You stayed quiet, not bothering to hear him out as you let your mind run rampant. Namjoon is attractive but he’s just a friend and he knows that. If you were not emotionally available you might have given him a better chance but right now you know you feel something for Jungkook. It’s stupid considering he clearly doesn’t want you but it would be unfair to Namjoon if you used him to get over the other.
✮
It took over a week for Jungkook to get the courage to talk about you. He wanted you, he wanted you so bad but there was something holding him back. He’s mad that you’re possibly interested in someone else and he’s pissed that he ruined your chance at kissing. He’s annoyed with himself for many reasons and the only thing he thought to do was distance himself from you.
There’s no point in asking to hang out all the time if you’ve got someone you’re interested in, you'd probably rather spend time with.
Throughout the week he found himself joining his other friends and whatever they did instead of seeking you out like usual. If they thought it strange no one had the nerve to question it. It was obvious there was something going on between you and considering Jungkook’s been on edge nobody wanted to push him to know more.
On Tuesday he met up with Yoongi for dinner and surprisingly enough some other people showed up—Sera (the girl from the party) being one of them. She talked to him the most like last time and it was clear she was very interested in him. He was flattered but that was it. He was too stuck on you even when you weren’t talking.
By the time the weekend rolled back around, Jungkook let himself be dragged to another night out. Yoongi and some of his other friends got him out for a couple drinks at a few bars. He didn’t mind it, but it was weird when Sera and others showed up. It felt oddly like a set-up and he wasn’t sure what to make of it.
“So you don’t think she’s hot?” Hoseok asked as he waited at the bar with Jungkook for the round of drinks he’d just ordered. Jungkook looked back at the group finding Sera looking at him but he just looked away.
“She’s… she’s alright,” Jungkook shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know, not really my type though.”
“Why? Because she’s not Y/n?” Hoseok asked with a scoff that made Jungkook roll his eyes. Out of everyone Hoseok was always the main one to point out his relationship with you. It all started when Hoseok made a comment months ago about how he thought you were hot and Jungkook was a little too quick to shut it down. It was weird for him to think of two of his friends going out or talking and Hoseok took that as a sign that Jungkook wanted you… which wasn’t true.
Anyway, the point is, Hoseok always brings you up around him and tonight was no different.
“Where is she anyway? I feel like I haven’t seen her around in a while,” Taehyung said, appearing out of nowhere holding a drink of his own.
“You saw her last weekend,” Jungkook told him.
“Yeah, but I haven’t seen her with you,” Taehyung clarified but Jungkook didn’t seem to care anymore. Hoseok nudged Jungkook and with a drink, “Let’s go talk with Sera and maybe you can introduce me to her friend.”
Taehyung let the other two leave and without thinking he grabbed his cell phone and dialed your number.
You were hanging out at Jimin’s place after finishing some work with him and Mirae when Taehyung called, “Hello.”
“Hey Y/n, where are you? What are you doing?” Taehyung asked looking back at Jungkook who looked tortured to be sandwiched between Sera and Hoseok.
“At a friend’s place, what’s up?” You asked looking between your friends who looked back at you with curiosity.
“Come to JJ’s Bar, we’re all here,” Taehyung kept it simple. In all honesty, he genuinely likes having you around. You’re funny and like Jungkook in a way. When Jungkook brought you around it was surprisingly easy to befriend you and you’re someone he likes seeing. He thinks you and Jungkook should get together some day—if you haven’t already. He doesn’t understand why it hasn’t happened yet when you both clearly want to and okay, he might’ve cut in on that first night but he swears he was drunk. He didn’t mean to and since then you’ve been distant from each other.
He’s been trying to invite you since Jungkook wants to be too stubborn to admit he wants you around.
“Who’s we? Yoongi? Jungkook?” You asked, beginning to gnaw on your bottom lip, “Let me think about it.”
When you hung up, Jimin was the first to speak, “I can drive you.”
“I don’t know… I haven’t really been talking to Jungkook this weekend,” You admitted to making Mirae roll her eyes.
“We know, but it’s obvious you want to. You’ve been depressed all week,” She said, trying to convince you to be honest about your feelings. Neither one of you wants to admit what’s going on between you so you just keep going around it. You’ve been off for a couple weeks now and everyone can see it but you two.
At the bar Jungkook was bored. He wasn’t in the mood to drink or be out with everyone but he dragged himself along because he had nothing better to do. He wasn’t going to stay home staring at his phone or getting FOMO because he missed his friends. He doesn’t want to be here but he doesn’t want to be home.
Frankly, Jungkook knows where and with who he wants to be but he’s too stupid to pick up his phone and call you.
“Jungkook, be honest, are you seeing anyone?” Sera finally asked as she noticed him stare at his phone screen. The bar was dark with colorful lights here and there, packed with people and he was more interested on his phone. She’s done everything she can to get him to notice her but it feels like she keeps falling shorts. He talks to her, close to flirting but never all the way, yet she can’t tell how he feels. Well, no, she can tell he’s thinking about something else but everyone tells her he’s single. She remembers seeing you at Taehyung’s last weekend, it was the most interested he looked in anything but the two of aren’t… dating [?] so what was his deal?
“What?” He turned with surprise written on his face. Sera was blunt and it caught him off guard.
“Well, I think you’re hot and I want to get to know you but I don’t know where your head is at,” Sera said loudly over the music. He was flattered but…
“You actually came!” Taehyung greeted you warmly, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug as you found him and the others. You hugged him back and looked at everyone, not remembering him mentioning any of the other women here—or the one Jungkook was talking to.
“Y/n,” Yoongi said hello, “Do you want a drink?”
“Um…”
“I uh,” Jungkook blinked in disbelief as he looked at you just a few feet away from him. He didn’t know you’d be here, how? “It’s complicated.”
He tried to sit there and focus on Sera but it was hard. He didn’t want to just ditch the girl out of the blue but you haven’t spared him a single glance. It’s like you’re here for his friends but not for him and he didn’t like that. You’re supposed to be his friend not theirs.
You stood back, nervous to greet him. You barely know the girl but what if it’s someone he’s interested in? What if you’re just supposed to be someone he calls when he’s bored and flirts with when no one’s around? What if you’ve read too much into it and let your feelings get involved? You debated approaching him or not especially considering how he left you alone in bed after pushing you away from a kiss. Was it a mistake coming here? What’d you even hope could happen?
“Jungkook,” You waved, hoping you didn’t sound too nervous or bothered while also not sounding too enthusiastic in case that was a girl he was after. You just needed to sound friendly. That’s it.
Sera looked between you with peaked curiosity. She’d notice his attention had left her a while ago but now she sees why. Jungkook didn’t bother looking back at her as he stood up, making his way over to where you stood.
“You didn’t tell me you were coming,” He said shifting his eyes around, “Who invited you?”
“I can’t hang around your friends anymore?” You asked bluntly, “What do you mean who invited me?”
“I just… I didn’t kno—should we get a drink?” His voice shook with anxiety as his hand slipped down your back to lead you to the bar. He wasn’t doing anything wrong talking to Sera but for some reason he didn’t want the two of you around each other—especially after she just told him she was interested.
“I’ll probably leave, I don’t want to be somewhere I’m not wanted,” You said bitterly, trying to step away from him but he didn’t let you get far from his arms.
“I want you here, of course I do. I just wanted to know who texted you,” Jungkook told you looking at his friends and the only one that was smiling, “Taehyung?”
“Yeah, he asked me to come but if it’s going to be a problem I’ll just leave,” You kept saying.
“Why would it be a problem? I’ve been meaning to text you but—yknow, um,” Jungkook cleared his throat awkwardly, leading you away from the group. It’s not that he didn’t want you around them but he was only comfortable with you right now. He didn’t need everyone hearing him.
“Alright, you don’t have to explain it,” You brushed him off, turning to the bar and debating if you wanted a drink or not. You weren’t in the mood to but now that you’ve seen Jungkook with another girl, you might.
“Kook, Y/n, want a shot?” Taehyung asked, trying to get you both to go back with everyone.
“I’m driving,” Jungkook said. He had a small sip earlier but he’s not here to drink all night then get stuck Ubering--especially not now that you’re here. What if you go home with him [he means take you home].
“Y/n?” He turned to you only and you contemplated. Jungkook bit his lip in thought, tempted to say no on your behalf but he wanted to know what you’d do. Taehyung invited you tonight and last weekend too, why? He’s happy you’re here but why is Taehyung the one making a move?
“I’m good, I’ll get something else,” You lied, turning away from the group. Part of you wanted to leave then and there but Jimin dropped you off and you’d need to call him back.
Jungkook didn’t hesitate to follow you to the bar but you didn’t try and order anything. He even asked if you wanted something but you didn’t, “Jungkook just be honest, should I leave? I know you said you want me here but I don’t know… if you wanna hang out with your friends or, yknow, other girls I don’t want them to get the wrong idea. I just came because I wanted to talk but… I don’t know.”
“Is it because of Sera? Y/n, I don’t like her or anything. I want you here, I’m sorry for not inviting you,” Jungkook tried to reassure you but you weren’t really listening.
“This isn’t about her, it’s you. You’re the one being confusing, Kook,” You admitted.
“Me?” He looked genuinely taken back, “How?”
You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest as a shield between you knowing he’d try and pull you closer like he usually did. You weren’t the type to argue with someone in public but you were a little annoyed.
“Are we friends? Because if we are don’t try and kiss me then ignore me for days and go out with someone else—“
“Are you serious right now?” He asked, “That’s what you’re mad about? You’ve been doing that to me for the past few weeks with your friend Namjoon.”
“What? That’s not true, I’ve told you every time I was gonna hang out with him. You only call me when you think I’m with someone else,” You told him bitterly.
“You don’t honestly believe that. I call you more than you bother reaching out to me. You only call me when you need a ride or you’re drunk and bored,” Jungkook said, standing a foot away from you so you could hear him better, “You flirt with me and I think there’s something there but then you brush me off or go with someone else. I’ve been trying to make things more clear but you make it so hard.”
“I make it hard?“ Your jaw nearly dropped, “Alright this is stupid. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
He knows what you’re doing and he doesn’t want to play along. Any time the two of you talk about something a little too complicated you start to backtrack in order to avoid it. No, if you wanted him to be honest you had to let him. After the first night you almost kissed, you didn’t message him for a couple days. He’s the one who reach out to you. This time around he’s the one that left because Namjoon was on your phone and he didn’t know what to make of it. He should’ve asked if anything was serious between the two of you but he was too cowardly to do it and left instead. Maybe you were mad he didn’t reach out but why didn’t you try? Yes, you came here hopefully looking for him but the second you see him talking to someone else and confront him about it suddenly you’re shutting down?
Who’s leading who on?
Yoongi saw most of your interaction from across the bar. You weren’t full on arguing but it’s obvious the two of you had things you wanted to say but didn’t know how. After a while he didn’t want to just sit back and ignore it. He at least wanted to know if you were both alright.
When he made his way over he tried asking you again if you wanted a drink or if Jungkook wanted to join him outside. You took that as a sign to make an escape for a moment and rushed to say, “I’m going to the restroom.”
Jungkook was stuck between following and waiting for you or going with Yoongi but his hand trembled with nerves and he needed fresh air. His friend offered him a smoke and he took it reluctantly knowing you’d hate the smell of it on him. Even when he’s sort of upset with you he can’t make himself do something you don’t like.
“What are you guys fighting about?” Yoongi asked taking the cigarette Jungkook rejected and lit one for himself.
“It’s stupid,” Jungkook mumbled under his breath.
“Clearly not when you look worked up,” Yoongi said, “Tell me.”
“There’s been a couple times that we almost kissed and I thought she was talking to someone else but now she’s acting upset with me and I don’t know why. I’m not doing anything, the other night we almost kissed again but I couldn’t bring myself to do it and then the guy texts her. I didn’t know Taehyung asked her to come and now she thinks I don’t want her here and probably thinks I’m into Sera but I’m not,” Jungkook began to let it all out, hands running through his hair nervously.
Yoongi couldn’t hide the look of surprise on his face over the fact that you guys had never kissed before. It was sort of a running joke between all of them that you’re both secretly hooking up but it appears not to be the case. You both had been good friends until then and all the bottled up emotions are finally begging to be let out. It made him chuckle over how dumb it was.
“Did you bother to ask her about him? Actually ask and not make assumptions like you always do?” Yoongi asked, “Because honestly, I think you’re both into each other and don’t know what to do about it.”
“You don’t get it hyung, I can’t just ask Y/n that…” Jungkook groaned with frustration, “I’m being so pathetic, aren’t I?”
“A little. You pay for a parking spot specifically for Y/n and she’s not even your girlfriend. You want her to be so just talk it out.”
“I’m gonna talk to her,” Jungkook bit his lip, watching Yoongi finish up and ask him if we was ready to go back in. When he did, you were standing there talking to Sera and he wasn’t sure what it could be about.
Honestly, it was nothing to worry about. She saw you looking clueless after your restroom break and introduced herself as one of Yoongi’s friends. Although you wanted to ask her about Jungkook she didn’t even bring him up. When he went up to you both but placed a dominant hand around your waist.
It answered what Sera already knew, that he was claimed for even if neither of you said it. His heart was with you.
“Are you mad at me?” He asked suddenly, “For the other night?”
“No, I’m confused,” You let him turn you in his arms so that you faced him, “I thought you wanted to kiss but then you stop it and when I wake up you’re gone. It’s fine if you just want to be friends but don’t lead me on like that.”
For a moment he wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t think you’d say it so bluntly but you did. You’ve been thinking about those Almost Kisses you’ve shared just as much as he has. He just didn’t expect you to be thinking he was leading you on. He thought you were leading him on.
“I’m not… Can we go and talk somewhere?” He asked, trying to take your hand in his but you rejected his advance. Once again you probably looked like a couple arguing and it was so stupid.
“I just wanna go,” You told him and to keep you from leaving he pushed his keys into your hands.
“Let’s go then,” He said. You looked at him with a small smile, feeling somewhat upset with him but also unsure what to do. Part of you wanted to leave on your own but you also wanted to hear him out.
You pushed them back into his hand with a sigh, “No, you’re here with your friends, I shouldn’t have even bothered.”
“Y/n, I don’t care I wanna leave with you, let’s go,” He turned to his friends, not bothering to get closer as he began to wave, “I’m gonna call it a night guys, Y/n’s taking me home.”
“Kook,” You couldn’t help but whine. He just smiled, leading you out the club and you learned he wasn’t kidding. He really was making you take him home in his own car, hoping it’d keep you from parting ways with him tonight.
“I didn’t know it seemed like I was leading you on,” Jungkook said, almost sounding bitter at the thought of it. He slumped back in the passenger’s seat staring out at the dark city lights trying to process what you time him not too long ago.
You didn’t say anything and that made him turn to you, “You’re the one that’d ditch me for that Namjoon guy.”
“I didn’t ditch you, every single time you asked me about him and I tried telling you how it was, you’d stop me,” You reminded him, thinking back to every time he’d bring up someone else and ignore every time you told him it wasn’t anything serious, “And how was I not supposed to think you were leading me on? One second you act like you want to kiss and the next you’re pushing me away.”
“I’m not saying you’re wrong about how I acted but it was because I was jealous. You knew I was jealous I just kept acting like I wasn’t and look at where we are now. You’re mad at me,” Jungkook shook his head, “And I want to kiss you. I think about kissing you all the time and that night—those nights… I regret not doing it but sometimes I can’t read you.”
“I never know where your head’s at. One second you’re in my arms and I think there’s something between us but then you… I don’t know, I feel like you know I’ll always be around,” He admitted, looking out his window to avoid your sudden stare.
The rest of the ride was silent and though Jungkook could tell there was a lot on your mind you weren’t saying any of it. He feels more assured now knowing that you felt the same way he did but it’s like going in circles talking about this. He just wants to get you in his arms and act like you both haven’t made it more complicated than it needs to be.
When you parked his car in the lot of his apartment, you turned the engine off and turned to face him, confused on what to do now. Do you sleep over or get yourself a ride home? Jungkook had pushed his seat back to get more comfortable but now it felt like you were farther from him than he liked. You looked back to find him already staring at you. His eyes fell to the way you nervously licked your lips and he couldn’t take it anymore.
The sound of his belt unbuckling caught you off guard you almost missed how he leant forward so suddenly you nearly pulled back. His lips collided with yours with such need that you met with equal eagerness. He slipped his hand down your hair toward your neckline keeping you from pulling back. Jungkook doesn’t know how to describe the kiss.
It was good, better than he imagined but was it the kiss or just you? Was it the fact that was finally getting a taste of you? You leaned forward, bumping into the middle console to kiss him a little harder, tongues meeting in a wet, tender way that had you gasping lightly. If this was what was on your mind for so long, you now knew why. Kissing him felt good, felt different and you didn’t want to stop.
“Inside,” He tried to say between kisses but he found it hard to pull away. The word just came out in an airy whisper, struggling to find sound.
He pulled back with a small groan, hand in your hair and forehead pressed against yours as he tried to catch his breath, “Let’s go inside, please?”
Your small nod was enough for him to storm out of the car, rounding to your side and helping you out of the car, leading you up. Up the stairs he stopped every now and then to plant a small kiss on your shoulder or neck, arms around your waist.
“Don’t like when you’re mad at me,” Jungkook said, unlocking his door and taking you in, “And I was jealous about Namjoon, so stupidly jealous because he texted you and I saw it on your phone an—“
“There’s nothing going on between us,” You assured him, “And I was never mad at you. I thought you didn’t want me—“
“Crazy, you’re crazy to think that,” Jungkook cupped your face in his hands, “You’re the only one I want and I’m sorry I didn’t make it more clear.”
You smiled, arms around his neck as he hoisted you up so he could kiss you better and walk toward his living room, “Me too.”
He carried you to the couch, taking a seat and pulling you onto his lap with ease. You didn’t hesitate to make yourself comfortable, leaning down to kiss him as his hands moved up your waist. He let you take the lead for a little bit, head tilted to the side when you kissed near his ear making a small smile appear on his face. His ears were sensitive and everyone knew that. Whenever you tried whispering something in his ear, he’d practically have to shove you away or it’d make goosebumps form on his skin. Now you’re kissing up his ear lobe and he was sinking into the couch pulling you with him.
A light frown left his lips when he felt you nip at his lobe with your teeth and his head fell forward, nearly bumping your shoulder making him tug on your neckline to kiss your exposed collarbone. You lifted his chin with a light finger touch and met him with a kiss. His hands slipped under your top, feeling along your smile like he’s done before. He likes to feel how warm you are under his fingertips, like to feel your natural curves. You liked the way his rough hands felt against your sides when he ran his hands up, nearly touching your chest before tracing them back down.
Jungkook couldn’t hide his growing erection when you pressed down against his lap. It didn’t help that you were licking along his bottom lip tugging on it with your teeth until you were tongue kissing. He sat straighter, hands itching to rip your top off. He’s seen you in sultry outfits that made his head turn everytime and he’s interested to see what was under.
“Kook,” You sighed softly, pulling away from the sloppy kiss to catch your breath. Your lips felt number and swollen and his did too. He was so damn kissable and you can’t believe you haven’t done this yet. What were you so worried about all this time? He looked at you with these spark in his eyes and lip between his teeth, hands around your waist and bulge pressed against you. You looked down at his lap, shifting back a little before grinding forward again. A deep groan caught in his throat when you did it and he looked at you hopefully.
“You’re so hot,” Your hands ran along his lean shoulders down toward the bottom of his shirts and helped you yank it off of him without a second thought. You’ve seen him shirtless countless of times, in person and on the phone. You’ve felt his body when he’s rolled over in his sleep to cuddle and it doesn’t ever leave your mind how attractive your friend is. You remember when he first started getting his tattoos done and when he first started boxing. He got so much stronger and his tattoos just got so much hotter.
You leaned forward, kissing softly against his neck, hands feeling up his abs and hip bucking into him. His hands guided your hips against him, hard dick feeling constricted in his jeans and when you kissed near his pecs he released a light moan.
“Stop, you’re going to drive me insane if you don’t,” He groaned, hands pulling on your top.
“You want me stop?” You asked, grinding down on him. You were starting to feel needy and aroused. If he wanted you to stop, maybe you should before you take it too far.
“No,” Jungkook finally yanked your top off you, catching your lips with his, tongue searching the inside of your mouth, “Don’t want you to.”
His hands wandered south, inching up the small fitted skirt you wore tonight. Last time he saw you in something revealing was when you’d gone off to see Namjoon wearing a dress. He remembered eyeing you closely wishing you weren’t leaving and wondering if you’d dressed up for someone else. Now you’re grinding down on him with your skirt bunch around your hips, bucking into him with a thin pair of panties on and it drove him insane. His jeans were in the way of letting him feel your head against him and he couldn’t take it. A small squeal left your lips when he swiftly turned you to lie on the couch, trapped underneath him with your legs around his waist.
Jungkook kept his hardened dick in his pants, pressed between your spread legs as he kissed down your neck, leaving love bites behind while his hands began to trace your sides. You breathed heavily in anticipation when he tugged your bra down exposing your breasts over the cups and he didn’t hesitate to keep going. His touch was eager as he licked between them, cupping your right boob with his hand while kissing the other. He sucked your hardened nipple into his, humping his erection against your clit. You released a small moan when he ran his tongue around your bud, lost in himself Jungkook groaned when you pulled on his hair softly.
You snuck a hand between your bodies and reached for his belt. The jeans felt rough against your wet panties but it also felt good to have something to bump into. In all honesty, you liked grinding against him but you need more.
Now.
Jungkook lifted his body up slightly, not bothering to break away from worshiping you in kisses and helped you unbuckle his belt.
“You want it?” Jungkook asked in a husky whisper, throat sore and lust in his eyes. You nodded your head watching him sit back on his haunches, using his skilled fingers to undo it the rest of the way and tug the zipper down. He kicked them off without much or a care for the things on his coffee table and with his other hand, he held your hips, “Say it.”
A soft whine left your lips as you got the hint and turned onto your stomach, your head so close to the armrest of the couch and knees digging into the cushion below you. You’ve been in this living room a hundred times but never thought you’d be in this position. He pulled your panties down with ease, not bothering with the skirt as he pulled it up so it was around your waist and gave him a perfect view of what you looked like bent over. He couldn’t help but place a hand on the round of your ass, fingers digging into the soft flesh with his bottom lip pulled between his teeth.
Jungkook was pathetically desperate for you and couldn’t find it in himself to pull away enough to pull his briefs all the way down. Instead, he lowered them enough for his hard cock to spring free. You hadn’t said anything yet, seemingly stuck in a lust filled daze, arms using the side of the couch for support. He could see the slick lining your pretty cunt and he needed to be closer. He lined his member up with your files, grinding against you and feeling your wetness coat his member in arousal.
You released a moan, arching your back into the couch and ass back on him, “I want it.”
His cock twitched with need when you said it in your usual whiny tone. The tone you use when you call him late at night because you’re bored or annoyed with him. Jungkook nodded his head even though you couldn’t see him, he used a hand on your hips and the other in his length to catch the small hook of your entrance. You were so unbelievably wet that his dick was covered, it made guiding the tip of his cock against your wet pussy better.
“You’re so wet, baby, fuck,” Jungkook groaned, palming your ass as you waited so prettily for him to just fuck you already.
He can tell you were getting impatient by the way you shook your hips side to side and he couldn’t help but smile. Feeling warmth burst through his chest he leant over your body, resting his arm next to yours and kissed your neck. Without another word, he pressed his face against your hair and thrusted forward. With just the first thrust, you felt the stretch of your walls around his girth. It hurt for only a few seconds as you took him in and you lifted your head, stopped by how Jungkook hugged you from behind.
“Oh,” You gasped turning your head to look at him and he caught your open lips with a tongue kiss that made you relax against him. It took him a moment before he pushed the rest of his length into your tight pussy with a grunt.
Once he felt you relax, he tried to sit back, thrusting into you with care trying to adjust. You pushed back against his length, meeting his thrusts until you caught a steady rhythm and Jungkook’s fingers dug into your hips, watching the way you looked as he fucked you from behind in his living room. You felt so good to him. Your walls tightened around him deliciously making his head tip back losing himself to the feeling. “Right there.”
At this angle with your back down and ass up, his dick felt your innermost walls clench, he felt the curve of your pelvis and your butt felt soft.
“Fuck,” your head fell against the arm rest trying to keep up with your pace but he was bigger than you ever could’ve thought of. You’ve felt a hint of it before but to have him inside you making your body shiver with need it was hard to focus on your movements. Jungkook could feel you slow down as you felt the pleasure build up inside you. It brought him back to attention and with more assertive energy, he placed a hand on your ass and the other on your lower back, making sure you stayed in position so he could fuck you.
Your jaw dropped when his strokes changed making him reach deeper inside you. This position always made you feel dirty in a good way and left you a moaning mess, letting him slam his hips into you. Swear beaded his forehead, fucking you chasing his and your pleasure.
“So good, so fucking good,” He groaned, arm circling around your waist and lowering more of his hips into you. The tip of his cock hit that good spot deep inside that made you want to clench your eyes shut.
“Koo,” You tried to get out more of his name but it was harder to hold yourself together, fucking back onto his dick with eagerness, needy whimpers leaving your lips. You pushed against the armrest trying to stand up a little, itching to be closer to him.
You didn’t even need to tell him anything, he pulled your back against his chest until your were nearly sitting back on his dick, grinding against him, taking every inch he gave you. He placed a hand on your navel, keeping you flush to his body, dropping needy kisses on your neck knowing it’d leave love bites in their wake.
Your orgasm began to build up inside you, so close to popping and it made you a little more pliant to take whatever he gave you. You fucked yourself back onto him while his other hand groped your tits, listening to his whispers of need in your ear telling you how good you’re taking it.
“Just like that, cum for me,” Jungkook said with a deep rasp to his usual delicate tone. It’s like he wanted to walk you through it and fuck, it was working.
The moment your cunt clamped down around his dick leaving him to hiss through gritted teeth, he knew you were going to cum. He let you fuck yourself to release, whining in his arms and legs shaking as he held you up.
He slowed his hips, keeping himself to the hilt inside you feeling the way your orgasm made your body tremble for him. Your pussy was dripping around his length and he was tracing soothing lines against your spine as you fell back to the couch trying to catch your breath, “Good girl.”
His words had a clear effect on you still as your pussy twitched, making him smile. He never took you as the type to like pet names but he knew you liked to be praised. Well, he knew you hated being scolded but usually you listened to him when he did. Now he knows praising you feels a lot better.
Jungkook sucked in a tight breath as he began to pull out his aching member, worried you’d be feel uncomfortable right now. The need to cum was so heavily set into his body but he wasn’t stupid. He knew he wasn’t wearing any protection and though there’s a chance you’re taking anything, he wasn’t going to risk losing himself inside you. A little whine left your lips as he slipped out and you couldn’t help but look back at him with furrowed brows.
“You good?” He asked with concern, caressing your side lovingly. You didn’t say anything, turning to sit up and wrap your arms around him. He groaned when you rubbed against his cock on accident and you looked down at it immediately.
He caught your stare and smiled, “Can we finish this somewhere else? The couch is a little too small…”
You laughed, “There’s more?”
You were teasing him and you both knew it which only made him roll his eyes playfully. With a swift move, he lifted you up, carrying you to the bathroom catching you by surprise, “You didn’t think we were done yet did you? What about me?”
✮
A MONTH LATER
“You guys are so bad at hiding it,” Mirae said as she sat in the packed booth of your friends, all watching you hold hands under the table. You looked at her with feigned innocence, shoving Junhkook’s hand off your thigh.
“Hiding what?” You asked, looking at everyone around. Taehyung sat on one end, Yoongi next to him, Jimin there and Mirae too. They all looked equally unimpressed but your act but it was somewhat funny.
Jungkook tried to hide a grin but he was so bad at it. He smiled at you warmly, “Told you.”
“It’s your fault, I bet we could’ve hid it a little longer if you didn’t smile,” You tried to say but even you didn’t believe yourself. Jungkook didn’t even bother to look guilty as he broke out in a laugh. Yoongi chuckled, looking at the way Jungkook’s cheeks flushed red when you looked at him a little too long.
“I knew the second Y/n stopped coming to work all moody because she wasn’t talking to Jungkook,” Jimin pointed out and Mirae agreed quickly.
Hoseok sighed, “I knew when Jungkook stopped giving me killer workouts at the gym. I almost broke my shoulder.”
“Whoa, I’m a great personal trainer,” Jungkook put a hand to his chest, “Don’t come at my profession.”
“I’m not, I’m pointing out the fact that you were always moodier when you didn’t see Y/n,” Hoseok argued.
Jungkook couldn’t even deny it so he didn’t try. Instead he place his hand back down on your thigh and leaned into you to share the dinner menu, “Are you gonna try something new? You’re picky.”
“I might want to expand my horizons,” You looked over everything with a concentrated expression.
He raised an amused brow at you, surprised when the server came around and you actually did try something new. He let the others go before him and when it came to being his turn, he ordered your usual.
“Are you switching it up too?” The server asked, all too familiar with the two of you and your eating preferences.
“It’s in case she doesn’t like it,” He admitted with a sly wink in your direction. You hit his arm playfully and turned toward your friends who glared at you grossly.
“I’m losing my appetite,” Jimin teased, looking at Mirae as she texted away on her phone, “You?”
“Kinda, I don’t know, Jisoo just asked what I’m doing,” Mirae said.
Jungkook looked up with slight interest. He tried not to be the jealous type but… Jisoo is friends with Namjoon. He’s met the guy now and he’s not that bad but he’s also way taller than him with a bulkier physique.
“What is he doing? Tell him and his friends join us,” Jungkook said suddenly making her furrow her brows at him.
“He wants to see Namjoon again, I think he’s got a little crush on him,” You told her, making him shrug.
“The guy is built,” he said, “I just wanna know what pre-workout he takes.”
“And to think you spent all this time not liking him because you didn’t like Y/n talking to him,” Taehyung said, feeling the need to bring up the awkward part. You glared at him but he only smiled mischievously.
“Hey, let’s move on from that,” You said leaning against Jungkook who pulled you closer, “We’re all just friends.”
“Except you two, so can you just say you’re dating already and we can go on with the usual?” Yoongi asked impatiently.
“I thought you said we were bad at hiding it,” your boyfriend sat up, pulling you into his arms giving you a tight hug and looked at his friends, “But fine, this is my best friend and girlfriend.”
“Whoa, I thought I was your best friend now. Y/n can’t have both titles,” Taehyung scoffed, sitting up, “I practically brought you two together. I mean yeah I was fucked up that first night but once I caught on I was the one always inviting Y/n over.”
“I’m the one who told Jungkook to get his head out of the gutters and talk to Y/n,” Yoongi said with a raised finger to state a point.
“Not to join in on the fight but… I also tried getting Y/n to talk about Jungkook and drove her to JJ’s the other night,” Jimin leaned forward to say and suddenly they were all arguing over who brought the two of you together.
It was stupid but friendly and it made you laugh with amusement.
“I’m not the jealous type, right?” Jungkook asked you as he thought about what Taehyung said earlier instead of their current banter, “I didn’t care that you talked to Namjoon… I just, y'know I didn’t want you to like him, there’s a difference.”
His face looked confused in a surprisingly cute way for your motorcycle riding, tattoo covered boyfriend and it made you smile. “Of course you’re not the jealous type.”
Jungkook smiled back warmly, leaning into you for a quick kiss.
When your food arrived you regretted ordering it just like he knew you would and he switched you plates like he knew he would. Aside from the obvious displays of affection nothing else changed for the two of you. Or at least you don’t think it did.
He still came over whenever he felt like it and you bothered him at any hour of the day. When he wasn’t sleeping in your bed trying to keep you from going to work he was checking his phone for a text from you throughout the day.
You’re not sure if it’s because he was your friend first but your relationship with Jungkook was a perfect mix of love and affection with ease and playfulness.
Your best friend was the one for you and he’d been right in front of you the whole time.
::.
NO PART TWO
two fics in two months??? who do I think I am 😜
honestly I kinda liked this friendly little vibe. I wanted more angst but idkkk. they kinda gave toxic but not like super hide red flag toxic. they’re in their twenties yall 😭
I’m preparing for this angsty yandere fic for Taehyung so I wanted to something a little softer, slice of life vibe
anyways like always, love feedback so tell me what you think!
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Wishful thinking
Arranged marriage with Nanami… next part
〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰
Nanami Kento was not in a sorcerer clan. In fact, he was the only sorcerer in his family. You had met him only once before you had been informed of the engagement, and in that brief interaction you had decided you knew exactly what type of man he was.
"It's a pain." had been his harsh words. Vitriol clear as day in his tone.
When asked what he felt about being a sorcerer his response had been that it was…a pain? Being the reserved individual he was, he didn't take the time to elaborate despite the questions of the sorcerers surrounding him.
You had rolled your eyes in that moment. Clearly, he had no sense of responsibility. No duty. I suppose that's what it means to not be in a clan. You had thought. He’s got no idea how good he has it.
And even though you chalked his image up in your mind as an irresponsible and pretentious git. The memory of his brutal gaze stuck in your mind. You knew deep down that it was simply jealousy.
Sorcery was a pain, there had been many instances where you wished you could put it aside and leave this world, but that was simply not what you were born for.
All those months ago, you had left the meeting with the Jujutsu higher-ups resentful. How lucky that man in the suit was, to not have an obligation to fulfill exactly what the clan heads asked of him. How free he must feel.
But, oh, how wrong you had been.
--
You had known your marriage was impending, having had meetings with your father and his subordinates on several occasions to discuss the offers from other clans.
Offers for your hand.
Offers for the rest of your miserable life, for your body, for your fertility, offers to impregnate you, and nothing much else.
You had been picky, of course, having known all your life this was forthcoming you were expecting to not have to rely on Zenin blood to uphold the family name.
Your father was no kind man but if there was one thing he was, it was prideful. If even his measly daughter could brush aside an important clan born man, he too could wait for a finer offer to come.
Back then, you had no idea that would lead to this.
You stood before a full-length mirror. Your dress came below your ankle, the neckline nothing short of chic modesty.
By all accounts and by the people serving you, you were expected to be prepared.
Your wedding was nothing special, a formality, nothing more. Clans from across Japan were here to see the ceremony. Still, your heart pounded as you gulped at your reflection. A shakily deep breath brought you little comfort as you squeezed your hand into a fist.
You knew little of the man you were to marry.
Here was what you had:
He was NOT a Zenin. Hallelujah.
He was not from any clan. (This had come as a shock to you, your father having only explored offers from fellow clan heads, you had no idea how this arrangement was to be made until Gakuganji, the principal of your school, Kyoto Jujutsu High, and one of the more powerfully cruel higher-ups, had arrived at your families estate, enlisting a "fine candidate" for your immanent marriage. He had seemed certain. Immovable.)
And last of the information you had, he was seemingly strong enough for your father to deem his ability to produce "quality children" acceptable. He was a grade 1 sorcerer, nothing to scoff at.
You knew your father would not have accepted the offer of a man without heritage if the higher-up’s had not endorsed it. Even now you wondered why they were so keen on this matrimony.
And that was all you had.
"You look beautiful." A maid from the estate was arranging your hair, she moved quickly, with a soft hand. You hardly noticed her. "I've heard he is a very gentle man," She starts up again after your eyes narrowed in the reflection of the mirror, "if that's any consolation." The women ends in a whisper.
You huff out a breath, "Thank you."
That's what they all say.
You wonder if she was lying to you. This morning you had heard your mother crying in your bedroom after you had made up your sheets for the last time. It made you sad, knowing she was afraid for you.
Afraid you would turn out like her.
You swallow with some effort and look up to the maid at your side, she smiled at you.
"It looks lovely." You say, assuming she wanted praise.
She lays a hand on your shoulder and her smile crinkles in a funny way, "He is very handsome." Her eyebrows tilt in a telling fashion, she almost giggles.
Great.
What were you to say to that?
"I... see." You look at the floor and turn away from your reflection. All that was left was for your father to arrive. To take your hand in an uncomfortably tight grip and lead you down the aisle to the man that was decided to be the father of your children.
"Is there anything you would like, before I leave you? It won't be long now..." The maid tries to meet your gaze so you look up to her face once more.
"No, there's nothing, thank you for helping me." You try to smile at her but your throat hurts from the brief amount of talking you have already done.
The women nods her head, she turns to go but hesitates at the door, for a moment you think she is going to turn and speak to you, to say something as a comfort perhaps, but just as her body holts to grip the door, the hinges swing away and your father steps in.
"Move out of my way. Move! Out!” Your father shoves at the women who had been by the threshold and she escapes out the door with a hushed apology and not a glance at yourself.
You stand before him. Resolved to not shutter in these moments. Neither of you speak until he swings his arms and says,
"Well, are you coming?"
You almost want to laugh. How you wish you could look up at the domineering man and say, no I don't think I am, but you knew better, and although he extends no arm to you, you take the few steps to his presence and heave a sign.
"Stand up straight. Serve us well."
You knew those would be all the words you heard from him tonight, as unhappy as you were to be married to a strange man, you felt pleased to know you would no longer be living in your clans estate, just as you knew your father would be glad to be rid of you.
Your fathers movements seemed all too fast. His steps, his reaching for your arm, his pulling you out the door and into the hall.
You felt as if time was slowing but those around you weren't effected. Your father huffed angrily, tugging you along. This was happening too fast. You didn't want this. You weren't ready.
You wiped the sweat from your palms over the satin dress hanging on your waist. The collar that once seemed elegant was starting to choke you. The door to the ceremony was drawing closer, you could hear music but it was almost as if the closer you came, the foggier it sounded.
Echos of your mother’s cries this morning permeated your brain. You knew you were asking for too much. But in those last moments before your autonomy would be taken from you, you had only one wish.
That the maid was right. That the man at the alter would truly be a gentle creature...would be tender....would be mild?
The doors were swinging open. The light was bright, but you did not dare to raise a hand to block its assault. You walked slowly, arm tightly locked in your fathers grasp. You noticed the clan leaders in the audience, but as your eyes tried to take in the man at the front of the room, you stuttered in your steps.
Hoping your father would take no notice, you tried to recall how you knew the man who was meeting your eye.
You began to put together who this man was, having met him before, though you hadn't been introduced. That one interaction had showed you he would not have been a man you would want to live the rest of your days with. He had seemed unhappy in those moment.
Fear shot through you.
An unhappy husband was more dangerous than any curse you had faced.
Having stared long enough, you drop your gaze from his own piercing one. You almost want to smile, but you're unable to.
Maybe he isn't as free as you thought he was. Poor him.
You wonder how he even managed to get in this predicament as the music began to come to its end. You're stepping up onto the platform that your future husband stood upon, your ankle wobbles in the heels that were chosen for you.
In a flash you see his arm reach out for you but you’re only confused, shrinking back a bit father from him.
You look to meet his gaze once more. He's barely a few breaths from you. His eyes seem focused on your face.
The officiant is talking but you cannot hear him.
You realize one of two things in this particular moment, one, the maid was right about something, this man was remarkably handsome. And second, you realize you're feeling quite faint.
The dress had not been so hot before you were standing before this man in front of all these people under the shine of all these lights. You swallow, dig your nails into your palms, the officiant seems to be speaking to the man before you and it isn't long before your husband speaks out a low, "I do."
You feel as though you must pay attention, your bit is coming up now and you would hate to embarrass your family, but you can hardly hear the man over the pounding in your ears. A prick of sweat starts to form on the back of your neck.
There is a pause in the mans speech, he looks at you intently, after a moment he raises a brow.
Oh, right. "I do." You say.
You look anywhere but your husband. Knowing you weren't expected to kiss, you try to take in some more air. This was it.
The officiant hands something to the man before you.
He's so tall. The suit he is wearing seems to fit him perfectly, and you can’t help wondering who helped him here today if he had no clan members.
His arm is suddenly in front of you, palm up. It takes you but a moment to know what he is asking for. You brace yourself and set your hand within his own.
He places his other hand onto yours for a moment, engulfing your hand in his grasp. You are shaking, you know you are, but with everything going on in this very moment, you are hoping he won't notice.
A ring is being slipped onto your finger. Good, now your turn.
He hands you his own, a plain ring of gold.
Don't drop it. Do not drop it. Don't-
You miss his ring finger once before finally sliding it on. You hope no one noticed. You pull your hand free of his first and look to your father in the crowd.
This was it, right?
There was an echo of the efficient, "I now pronounce you husband and wife", and the group before you claps in respect.
The man who you had just married is bending down to your ear, but he doesn't say anything. You look him from your peripheral vision, and he is tilting his head down the aisle a bit.
Ah, yes. Your hand is in his own as you go back down where you just came. Your life is forever changed now.
So much lay before you, so much for you to worry about, but the one thing on your mind in this moment is how the grip of your husbands hand is infinitely more pleasant than the aggressive clasp your father had on you.
You hope against hope, that maybe, you would never feel the harsh grip of a man again.
But that was too wishful, was it not?
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