#to be fair with sai i also think about. 'i am a rock' by simon and garfunkle but like. while that one is also angry

[lyraa-kill]

Shapeshifter Simon who’s true form is the Cerberus (new MW3 alone skin), only he hides it nearly all the time. Very few people know his “monster” status, and he’d like to keep it that way. He’d honestly like to stay in his human form for the rest of his life and completely forget about his two other heads.

Until he meets Johnny.

Suddenly, he wants Johnny to know him. He aches and yearns for Johnny to see his true form and still tell him that he loves him, that he thinks he’s handsome, that he wants to be with him. The two other consciousnesses he conceals scream at him inside to be let out, they want to know Johnny too! They want to be kissed and their faces held too! It’s not fair that Simon gets all of Johnny’s affection!

So one day, he calls Johnny into his room. He needs to show him. The nerves and adrenaline are coursing through his body, making him shake and his mouth go dry.

Johnny knocks on the door, then slowly opens it up once Simon says to come in.

“Ye wanted to see me?” Johnny asks, shutting the door behind him and making his way to Simon.

Simon nods. He can’t speak. Fuck, the anxiety is so bad. He feels his heart pounding at his chest like it’s about to break through his ribs.

“What’s wrong? Are ye alrigh’?” Johnny reaches up and gently holds Simon’s face, stroking his cheeks with his thumbs through his mask. Simon’s two other heads cry inside, wanting to know that touch as well.

“I’m- I’m okay.” Simon stammers. “I… I need to show you something.”

Johnny nods and looks at Simon, waiting.

“It’s weird. You’re going to freak out. B-but I need you to know, okay? I… I need to show you who I am. I need… I want to know if you can still love me, once you see the real me.”

Johnny’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Ah don’t understand. Of course I love you. That’s never going to change.”

Simon shakes his head. “Just… please. Johnny. Don’t freak out. Promise me you’ll stay calm.”

Johnny nods, a look of confusion on his face. “I promise.”

Simon lets loose a long sigh. Here goes nothing. Slowly, he lets the transformation start to course through him. He feels his flesh move and mold itself into its proper place, his bones and veins and muscles and arteries rearranging themselves. He feels his two other heads spring from his shoulders, his other arms pushing out of his back.

Johnny watches. His eyes go wide, his heart starts to pound. What the fuck is he witnessing? What is his boyfriend turning into? What is Simon turning into?

When the transformation is complete, Simon (and Ghost and Riley) stand there. Utterly terrified. Ghost and Riley are ecstatic to see Johnny with their own eyes for the first time, but they can also see the look of panic on Johnny’s face. The subtle step back he took. They can hear the pounding of his heart, smell the adrenaline in his blood.

“I’m a shapeshifter,” Simon says. “This… this is what I truly look like.”

Johnny stands there in silence.

“I know you weren’t expecting this and that it seems unbelievable. I know it’s probably terrifying. I’m… I’m sorry. Fuck. God, Johnny- I’m so fucking sorry-“

Simon starts to tear up looking at Johnny’s shocked face. He just ruined this. He ruined the most perfect and beautiful thing in his life. He starts to transform back, cringing when Ghost and Riley start to groan in protest.

Johnny reaches out, putting his hands on his shoulders. “Wait!” He exclaims.

Simon stops the transition. He gulps.

Johnny takes a deep breath in and swallows the rock in his throat. He looks at all three heads. Really looks at them. The middle one is his Simon. His perfect, beautiful, sculpted by the god’s Simon. The one to the left, because of the mask, looks near identical to Simon, but there’s something different in the eyes. The one to the right wears a different mask, and his face looks slightly different, his eyes more rounded and soft.

They’re all beautiful. If this is who Simon really is, if he’s three people in one, Johnny can love him. He can love all three of them. Absolutely.

“I’m not… I’m not scared of ye, Simon. I’m not.” Johnny says. “This is a little shocking and it’s not what I was expecting. I… wasn’t even aware this sort of thing could happen in reality. But I’m not scared. Never of you.”

Simon sighed, tears falling from his eyes. Ghost and Riley join in too.

“They’ve been wanting to meet you,” Simon whispers. “Was jealous I got you all to myself.”

Johnny smiles. “That right?”

The head to the left groans, a few raspy inaudible words leaving its mouth. “That’s ghost.” Simon says. The head to the left groans as well, muttering out a small Johnny. “That’s Riley.”

Johnny smiles. He holds Simon’s face in his hands, then softly kisses him on the forehead. “I love you, Simon.” He says. He turns to the left and grabs that head, saying, “I love you too, Ghost.” He then turns to the last head, softly holding him under the chin and kissing him on the tip of the nose, then says, “I love you as well, Riley.”

All three heads cry from joy. Simon at being accepted, and Ghost and Riley finally being able to feel Johnny’s touch.

[tarotoftheendless]

Tom Sturridge: A Review

Disclaimer: I have ADHD, so, please forgive me if I jump around and go on tangents... I have lots of thoughts about this man and his projects, so....

At this point I have seen almost everything the man has been in. And I have thoughts about most of his work. I may have to do this review in parts as some of his work I need to re-watch in order to get my true thoughts out on it.

Firstly, Tom seems to enjoy choosing projects that are obscure, which I can appreciate. It fits in line with him not wanting to be in the spotlight and kind of live a more private life. In fact, The Sandman is both in line with the sentiment and yet isn't at the same time.

It kind of reminds me of Adam Driver and his filmography... and then Star Wars happened. Granted, Adam Driver has since been in the spotlight more, but he sure was uncomfortable with the attention when he was in Star Wars.

And I think Tom is the same. Not only does Tom come off as neurodivergent (it is just a speculation, not confirmed... I have observed his mannerisms and the way he speaks from many video interviews...), but he is introverted, doesn't have social media (though he might have at one point, though I think he got rid of all of it when his daughter was very young). There is something about him that screams "Don't perceive me" even with all the modeling he has done and him serving cunt on the Red Carpet. He does acting for the art not the fame, and I think he is handling The Sandman the same way. He always seems so uncomfortable at Cons... actually, it reminds me of how Jensen Ackles used to be at Supernatural Cons...

Anyway, I am sure I could go on and on about Tom himself, but I have thoughts about his films and shows. I will not be review The Sandman though... it's been done to death and I really don't feel like weighing in on it right now. But I would love to discuss in the comments about Tom himself with other Tom lovers if ya'll have something that you feel should be brought up about him.

I have seen the following projects of Tom's:

The Sandman - Dream/Dream of the Endless/Morpheus

2. Sweetbitter - Jake

3. Irma Vep - Eamonn - this was basically just a glorified cameo

4. Skin - Nathan

5. Velvet Buzzsaw - Jon Dondon - almost another glorified cameo

6. 3 Way Junction - Carl

7. Hello Apartment - Adam - basically a cameo... a sexy cameo...

8. Mary Shelley - Lord Byron

9. Double Date - John - a goth pretentious musician cameo

10. Remainder - Tom

11. Far From a Maddening Crowd - Sergeant Francis Troy

12. Effie Gray - John Everett Millais

13. On The Road - Carlo Marx

14. Junkhearts - Danny

15. Waiting for Forever - Will Donner

16. The Boat The Rocked/Pirate Radio - young Carl

17. Like Minds/Murderous Intent - Nigel Colbie

18. FairyTale: A True Story - Hob (A Fair) - cameo

I tried watching Journey's End and it was slow and depressing, so I never finished it... and I plan on watching Hollow Crown... but those episodes are basically films in themselves, so, that'll take forever... and I can't find a way to watch A Waste of Shame...

I have thoughts on many of these shows/films, so I will go though them in no particular order. And I might not have much to say about all of them because either there isn't much to say or I need to watch them again to fully be able to give my thoughts on them.

SWEETBITTER

Jake is a traumatized 30 something bartender that hides behind sex, drugs, and alcohol... and he has no idea how traumatized he really is because the one person that has continued the trauma for him has also been his savior, according to him... and he has to believe that in order to cope with his life, his choices and what actually happened to him. He was absolutely groomed by Simone, and before the show got cancelled I really think they were gonna go there with his character.

I love Jake. I both love his bad boy tendencies, but what makes me love him more is who he is beyond that, beneath that. The episode where is really opens up with Sasha was really eye-opening. He is struggling, and he has to believe that Simone is his lifeline because otherwise his whole life has been based on a lie, "No one knows you like I do", which is word for word what domestic violence abusers say to their victims. He truly believes that Simone fixes things, he has to believe that otherwise he'll fall apart. Much like Frodo has to believe that there is good in Gollum, Jake has to believe that Simone is actually his protector. Everything falls apart if Jake faces reality, hence drowning in the sex, drugs and alcohol. The lies are better than the truth.

He hates himself and doesn't believe that he deserves love, so he believes Simone's narrative of being damaged and dangerous because it is easier than really breaking away from her control and standing on his own two feet.

It makes me sad that we will never get a season 3 of Sweetbitter because Jake was such a beautiful and fascinating character, far more than Tess. I don't think I would have wanted Jake to actually be with Tess in the long run, I think Tess was also wanting Jake to fill a role so Tess herself could grow and use him a stepping-stone forward, a "been there, done that" sort of thing. Tess liked the bad boy, and she tried to make it seem like she wanted to help him but I still think it was for her own gain rather than actually wanting to help Jake, and that is why she would have ultimately lost him. He would run to what he has always known; Simone. Jake needs someone that gives him space to breathe for once. Someone that sees him and hears him and helps him see the truth without wanting anything from him in return. He needs permission to live, truly, for himself rather than for others that always want something from him. He needs therapy and better coping skills... cuz yeah not being sober and burying his dick in everything he can is not helping him at all.

So, really, that's review of the character... and I think Tom did a great job playing an aloof yet interested character that is a bad boy. The song 'Hot n Cold' by Katy Perry fits him quite nicely, I think.

The Boat That Rocked/Pirate Radio

So, I saw this film years ago, probably around 2018/2019, before I had any idea who the fuck Tom Sturridge was. I remember liking it.

Then I watched again after seeing The Sandman and I have grown a lot in my leftist views... and oh boy... this film is so sexist, homophobic and really super okay with SA it is scary... Tom has gone on record saying he would never do the 'Switch' in real life, but holy fuck that is some toxic shit.

As far as young Carl goes, I don't think casting a 23 year old Tom Sturridge was the right move if they wanted the audience to believe he was a virgin. Tom has always been gorgeous, and this film is no exception. And he got expelled for smoking, cigarettes and weed if the implications the film made are correct, making him a bad boy sort of. Girls and guys alike would have gone feral for him. As awkward as he is, it is more charming than anything else.

He should not have forgiven Marianne and he absolutely shouldn't have forgiven Dave. He also shouldn't have been okay with SA of a woman that would've had seemingly no idea that someone else was having sex with her other than the person she wanted to have sex with. I know that we all love young Carl, and I still do and will, but he really shouldn't be let off the hook for considering and almost going through with an SA all because he didn't want to be a virgin anymore.

All in all, I don't believe young Carl would've actually been a virgin because of Tom Sturridge portraying him, but also, the toxic shit that he goes along with shouldn't be over-looked either.

I love this film and Tom's character, but yeah, 2009 was a different time...

Waiting for Forever

So, this film is basically unwatchable... except for Tom's Will Donner... and even then, we have got to talk about the toxicity of this film.

Will Donner is basically a Manic Pixie Dream Boy... and his mental health issues are not only not named but they are handled poorly and without care. AND STALKING IS NOT CUTE OR ROMANTIC. Period. He should not have gotten the girl in the end. That gives the wrong message... like oh yes, we need more incels thinking they can just try and try and follow women and be quirky and then they will wear us down enough for us to see how romantic it was all along.

Now, that being said, I do think that Will is neurodivergent, ADHD and autistic specifically, with PTSD/C-PTSD as well as some sort of delusional disorder that has him speaking to people/ghosts that aren't really there... not schizophrenia exactly, but close to it. And I really think that he had no idea that what he was doing with the stalking because of his mental health issues. He didn't know any better... still that is no excuse and Emma should not have chosen him in the end.

Will Donner has no idea who Emma is. He has an idea of who he thinks she is in his head and that is who he is in love with. It was 2011 and men in films often were rewarded for being in love with a woman even if he has no idea who she really is... and that is a problem. Will, as precious and charming as he is, should not have been rewarded for loving his idea of who Emma is... and he really should not have been rewarded for his stalking... I love Will, he is a cinnamon roll of a man, and I get he has mental health issues, I too have ADHD and autism, but he should have had to work through his own toxicity before Emma would ever consider him... but I really don't think Emma should have ever chosen him.

And that brings me to Emma... as toxic as Will is, Emma never deserved his love. She does not deserve him at all. Will was a last resort to her. She had to loose her father and find out her ex was a murderer before even considering Will as an option. And she is a cheater... Will does not come off as the type that would be open to anything other than complete loyalty and monogamy... at least if he is with Emma. I would think trust issues would be abundant in their relationship, which is a shit foundation for any relationship.

As far as the film goes... I am sorry, but it is not good. If we followed Will only, maybe it would have been better, but all the B-plots with Emma and her family and everything really tanked the film. Will and Emma have no chemistry... yeah, I love Tom and he played the character well, but yeah... not his finest choice in film. I would watch his character literally in anything else other than the film we got.

I also wanted to punch Will's brother in the throat. 2011 really had a fuck ton of stigmas towards neurodivergent folks and this film just reiterated that.

Like Minds/Murderous Intent

So, I watched this after The Sandman hype... and oh boy...

This film came out in 2006 and in Hollywood the only way you could be gay is if you were a villain... or magic... and Nigel nor Alex were not magic... so...

This film is so homoerotic that it hurts... I think if they had just kissed... or better yet, fucked, that would have solved everything. No murder... no incest... no necrophilia... just gay butt fucking.

But Nigel is a psychopath. And I am not sure if it started with Alex or not... Nigel seems to think that Alex was the one that was fucked up and then they had a mind-meld... and Nigel just was more okay with going with it than Alex was? Honestly, this film is confusing... because the narrator is unreliable. Who knows what the truth really was. Maybe Alex was right, maybe Nigel was... maybe both... either way, Alex ends up accepting it and being a toxic evil fucker too, so...

Also, Nigel and Dream are not the same at all... I am weirded out by everyone relating the two characters together. Nigel is a psychopath... Dream is just dark... and toxic sometimes, but Dream is not a psychopath. Ugh. They are not the same, fucking hell.

Junkhearts

So... Tom's character in this is almost worse than Nigel... Danny is fucked up. Not only is he having sex with a minor, but yeah, the drugs and taking advantage of a vet was beyond fucked up. I am glad that Tom said that he took the role because Danny was so different from himself... which thank fuck that's the case because Danny is a nightmare. Though gurl.... that sex scene? Jesus... if Jake had you blushing with all his sex scenes, Danny has you dripping... and you know what the fuck I mean. Damn. I was watching this film with my partner and yeah, I had to take a moment afterwards to try to stop having my cheeks so red. It made me feel things I didn't exactly want to feel...

But yeah, fuck Danny... I don't think he should've been murdered in the end, but he was a terrible character.

I am not sure if this film was great... or even if Danny was necessary to tell the story, but yeah... maybe I will have to watch this film again to have more to say about it later.

Irma Vep

Ugh. I was kinda pissed that I had to watch 8 hours of this show and we only got Tom for about what, 15 minutes? Ugh! And he is hot... and toxic. A cheater and a liar. And him and Kristen Stewart? I want to know the history there so bad, because we all know that Tom and Robert Pattinson are besties... and then Tom has worked with Kris on the film On The Road too... and then he is taking her pants off and kissing her like that in this show? Fucking hell... makes me think Tom and her may have... idk, history beyond Kris dating Rob? There have been rumors... but idk how much of it is true... and old social media profiles have been abandoned and I am unsure if they are real or not, but there might be history... and this show, with Tom's 15 minute glorified cameo raised some questions about that.

Skin

This short film really moved the fuck out of me. I was balling my eyes out by the end of it and I had to sit with it for about an hour after I watched it. Tom's acting ability really shines through in just 11 minutes and it is just him, an Alexa-type voiceover and flashbacks with him and his husband. In 11 minutes. I was blown away by this short film and Tom and if you haven't seen it, you need to. All of the trigger warnings though; death of a loved one, grief, alcoholism, self-harm, suicidal ideation, bulimia-like actions... it's rough and very raw and real. But it is amazing and really shows how amazing Tom really is as an actor. You will cry and be in utter awe at the same time.

Velvet Buzzsaw

This film could have used more Jon Dondon... I do want to watch this again and give a more in depth review of this film and Tom's character in it, but yeah, I loved his South African accent and his pretentious ditzy character. He is funny, sexy and charming. It is a shame that they had to kill off his character.

3 Way Junction

So... this film felt like two films smashed into one and it was weird. Tom was brilliant in it, but I am not sure what the writer(s) was to say... also he would have died... 2 weeks in those conditions and not figuring out how to survive quickly? Yeah, he would have died. No one can survive 2 weeks like that. I do think I need to see this film again to give a better more detailed review on it and Tom's character.

Mary Shelley

I do need to see this film again... but I remember Tom's Lord Byron being sexy and amazing and well worth the re-watch for all Tom Sturridge lovers.

Effie Gray

The film is kinda boring, I'll be honest. But I do love Tom in this film. He plays a hopeless romantic well. It fits him quite well. I don't have much else to say about it than that. I did see this film for the first time before I knew who Tom Sturridge was, I love period piece films, so yeah. Watched it again recently, and I loved him in it, but yeah, the film itself is kinda boring.

Far From a Maddening Crowd

OMG! I wanted to flip a table when I realized he faked his own death. And then he comes back because he wants money? Bitch! He deserved a shot gun to the chest, damn. What a bitch. A hot sexy bitch that kisses women and grabs 'em by the pussy and then leaves, but a little bitch nonetheless. Tom, coming in and serving cunt and then dying. Goddamn.

Remainder

I had no idea that Tom kisses a man in this film... I just watched it because it had Tom as the main character... and then that kiss happened... probably the sexiest thing I've ever seen. Fuck. I do need to watch this film over again to really get a feel for... well all of it... more. This film was confusing as fuck and it deserves a re-watch for a better understanding of the story and Tom's character...Tom...

There other films on the list of stuff I've watched but not all of them really need a review... at least not right now.

Does anyone else have any thoughts or comments of these films and or shows? What about Tom in general? I kinda just want to gush with Tom Sturridge lovers about his roles and just him in general. I know I could have gone more in depth on some of his roles, but I think some of his roles have stood out more than others.

[forabeatofadrum]

Just Some Guy (3/9)

AO3

–

Year 3

MATT

I do not really pay attention to the rumour mill at Watford. I have enough stuff to deal with, namely my parents’ inevitable divorce. I am so glad to be at Watford and away from home. I realised something was off during the summer.

Another issue that I have is that I have to admit that Arnold was right about one thing: I like looking at Agatha Wellbelove.

Quite funny. The first situation makes me lose all doubt in romance, but the second one turns me into a hopeless romantic. I got paired up with Agatha during an experiment for Elocution and it went terrible, since I couldn’t speak around her.

So yeah, I have a lot on my mind.

This is why it completely escaped me that our Chosen One, Simon Snow, is out here telling people that his nemesis Tyrannus is a vampire.

“It’s not as if anyone believes him,” John says.

“Believes who?” I ask.

“That Baz Pitch is a vampire!” Leslie exclaims, “Oh come on, Matty Chris D., you must’ve heard. Simon Snow practically shouted it.”

“Who is Baz Pitch?”

“Tyrannus,” John says as an explanation. Huh. So his name isn’t Tyrannus?

“Have you been living under a rock, Matt?” Ryan says with disbelief, “Everyone knows of the heir of the Pitches Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch, or Baz for short.”

“Of course I know of him!” I say, “Wasn’t his mother the Headmistress before the Mage? The one who died in the vampire attack? I just didn’t know people call him Baz. I don’t really care about him, to be honest.”

“Fair, me neither,” Sam says, “But even I know him, and even I know about the rumour.”

“The stupid rumour,” John says. It’s as if he is making sure no one believes it. “Simon Snow probably knows about the Watford Tragedy too and now he thinks he’s connected the dots. I won’t be surprised if those Gates are impacting his thoughts.”

“Gates?” Scott raises an eyebrow.

John nods.

“Yeah, that’s why he’s been missing classes. He’s looking for some sort of Gates. And those Gates are dangerous!”

“Honestly, it must be nice to have a reason to skip class,” Luis jokes and others laugh along, but I don’t. John doesn’t either. We lock eyes and I know we’re both thinking about that moment of last year.

--

Simon Snow does miss class. I don’t care.

But then he misses again.

And again.

And again.

Not only that, but his friend Penelope Bunce isn’t attending classes either, and that’s extremely weird. Weirdly enough, she’s not the reason something feels off. Sure, she usually is very present in class, constantly asking questions and adding her own commentary, but it’s Simon’s absence that is weirding me out.

I usually do not care about his presence in class, since he doesn’t participate as much as Penelope Bunce or Tyrannus- oh, I mean, Baz Pitch, but his absence is noticeable because there is a lack of magic surrounding us. I didn’t know I had gotten so used to the great Chosen One leaking magic until now.

Not only that, but we’re safe. There hasn’t been an attack on Watford since he went missing. I’ve only been personally involved with an attack once, when some worsegoers disrupted a meeting of the Watford Chess Club. Humdrum attacks are terrible, because the empty, sucking feeling of a dead spot always comes with it.

(Call me an arsehole, but I prefer climate change over this magic sucking thing.)

Of course Simon Snow saved the day and we were able to continue playing chess.

So yes, I am aware of the smaller attacks that happen on a regular basis, even when I am not personally affected by them. Everyone is, because everyone seems to have a Simon Snow story.

And now there’s nothing. We’re safe, hooray, but this doesn’t feel right either.

It’s… unsettling in its own way.

--

Simon Snow and Penelope Bunce are officially missing.

Mitali Bunce, Penelope’s mother, is also a woman to watch out for, because she had no issues blowing up in the Mage’s face in front of the entire student body. The moment it became clear her daughter had gone missing, she’s been in a state of determined disarray. I didn’t know that was a state anyone could be in.

Simon Snow is famously an orphan. That’s why he’s the Mage’s Heir, after all, but if what Mitali Bunce is saying is right, then the Mage is doing a shit job being Simon’s guardian.

“Do you believe it?” Scott asks later that day at chess club practise.

“What?” John asks.

“That the Mage is responsible for the disappearance?” Luis adds.

I don’t know and to be honest, I don’t care, but I also cannot deny that today is a weird day. And, well, Luis has a point. It seems like Simon Snow has been investigating some Gates, because the Mage ordered him to. And Penelope Bunce is the perfect best friend-slash-sidekick, so of course she accompanied him, whether the Mage wanted to or not.

Apparently, these Gates turn people a bit mad, which is why Simon Snow was yapping all about Baz (still weird) Pitch being a vampire. (Really, why give your child a name like Tyrannus, only to not use it?)

“Isn’t it a bit weird?” Arnold pops in.

“How so?”

“Well, these Gates have negative consequences,” he says.

“Like the whole vampire disillusion,” John adds.

Arnold nods.

“So, why does the Mage keep sending him and Penny back to them?”

I suppose this is all part of a grand plan to defeat evil, but Merlin, I have no clue how any of this works. My friends keep gossiping about today’s occurrences and I move a chess piece that greatly limits John’s next move.

At moments like this I am glad I am just some guy, because I much rather would play chess with my friends than investigate creepy gates with my friends.

--

Months pass and the disappearance of Simon Snow and Penelope Bunce almost becomes old news. The Coven and the Mage are still searching, but it becomes a thing that lingers in the background. It’s kind of sad how people, like me, move on. Clearly, some people who were closer to them are more upset. I hear Rhys and Gareth talk about being worried during Magickal History.

Agatha Wellbelove also seems very upset by all of this. Since I am kind of obsessed with her, I did know that she’s friends with the both of them.

Interestingly enough, Baz Pitch is the other person who seems to be in a bad mood, or in an even worse mood than usual.

My suspicion is confirmed when Rhys arrives late to Greek one day.

“They’re back!” he yells as he barges through the door. He’s so erratic that he hits the wall with his wheelchair. “Simon and Penny… they’re back!”

Rhys babbles incoherently about how Simon Snow and Penelope Bunce just seemed to pop back into existence, both of them confused and disoriented, but seemingly unharmed. Class erupts into chaos since everyone needs to know the latest gossip.

Agatha retreats. She doesn’t ask permission to leave, but the Minotaur doesn’t stop her. He’s too busy trying to calm everyone down to even notice one student quietly slipping away. The only person who’s not in a state of chaos is Baz. He’s looks shocked, more like it. Even his minions are yapping excitedly, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

“I wonder what’s on his mind,” I say to John.

“Ah… well…” John doesn’t say more than that. Sometimes, John is as much as a mystery as Simon or Baz.

The class ends abruptly because the Minotaur cannot keep order. I sigh. I am not a big fan of Ancient Greek, but I was really hoping to pick something up, since we have a vocab test next week. I am definitely going to fail now.

I gather my books and follow the stream of students outside and I know I should be glad that Simon Snow and Penelope Bunce are safe and sound, but did they have to return during Greek of all classes? Why not next period during Elocution?

Goddamnit, Simon Snow.

--

I go to the leaving ceremony with John and Ryan. We don’t have to, since it’s a formality for last year students, but we all have time to kill.

Afterwards, my dad picks me up by himself. I don’t ask him where my mum is.

We drive home in silence and I send John a message, saying I miss him. This will be a long summer.

[mokutone]

sai for the ask game!

HOO HOO! my little guy!

answers under the cut! honestly i think this is the best sai ive ever drawn.

favorite thing about them — LMFAO he was my favorite character and the only character i actually liked when i was like. 14 or whatever, my favorite thing was his crop top :)

least favorite thing about them — sai, please learn to talk about something other than peoples bodies to insult them. stop talking about dicks. stop talking about weight. stop calling people ugly. im begging you to just. stop that. ohhhh it kils me.

favorite line —ok so after he introduces himself to sasuke and sasuke tells him to get lost he says, sai, thoughtfully: "Even when I force myself to smile, it seems I'm the kind of person who ends up being hated." sai, smiling: And Naruto-kun didn't seem to care for me the whole time, too."

brOTP — MMM. sakura. he learns the most from her i think, and despite being on the recieving end of most of his insults she also kind of puts up with him the most and the easiest. i think she probably fascinates sai a little bit.

OTP —i don't rlly care about this kind of thing. his canon ship w/ ino is fine ig, but i also think the concept of sakuinosai is really funny. it would not be a full triangle i think, just both sai and sakura loving ino. i bet the arguments would be hysterical, in that house.

nOTP —again, i don't really care about this sort of thing.

random headcanon —i think he wears really large and body-covering clothes when hes in konoha as a kind of visual for like, feeling uncomfortable and out of place. his clothes don't fit him and he doesn't feel like he fits the place. good luck sai keep trying!

unpopular opinion — i don't think his being rude to people is 100% accidental. its a very popular interpretation that he just straight up fully does not understand that he's being rude + idk if i believe that because he makes the same rude comments over and over and gets the same reaction, and while he's not very good at understanding peoples feelings, we know he can identify anger and frustration. i just see him as such a fundamentally furious character. i dont know how to explain this to people, he seems so mad to me!

song i associate with them —related to the anger thing, Black Me Out by Against Me!, very obviously a song about reclaiming oneself from somebody who had a heinous amount of power over the narrator. the album cover does have like. a breast on it and a cube of meat, so i guess cw on it for clicking that. i love against me! a lot.

"I don't ever want to talk that way again, I don't want to know people like that anymore. As if there was an obligation, As if I owed you something. Black me out. I want to piss on the walls of your house, I want to chop those brass rings off your fat fucking fingers. As if you were a kingmaker. Black me out."

and then

"All the young graves filled. Don't the best stars burn out so bright and so fast? All the young graves filled. Don't the best stars burn out so bright and so fast? Full-body high. I'm never coming down. Black me out."

favorite picture of them

good picture all around. at once he simultaneously looks like hes fucking. awaiting execution or something, and also, thru the only face shown being that of the beast behind him, which he painted (and due to both of these circumstances, carries the implication that it represents his internal state), absolutely ready to tear somebody's throat out. this is the vibe for me. this is the sai vibe.

[tsugarubecker]

Rewatching Love, Victor season 2 and all I can think as I’m watching is that Benji is cooonstantly putting his own feelings aside and instead striving to put himself in Victor’s shoes and empathize with Victor. Victor, for his part, gladly takes that from Benji and then proceeds to fail to put himself in Benji’s shoes in return. (We’ll leave Benji’s issue with conflict avoidance/not stating what he wants aside for a second but we’ll get to that shortly.)

Long-ass post, prepare yourself :P

Example exchange: in ep 6 after Isabel is so nice to Rahim and Benji fails to be #stoked about it, Benji comes up to Victor at the coffee shop the next day and says something like hey, sorry I wasn’t supportive when you were so excited that your mom was being nice to Rahim. And Victor just goes thanks for saying so yeah she was really being nice to him and I think we made some real progress yesterday!

Like. Okay. rewind noises

Let’s do that whole exchange over again but in the way a healthy couple would, shall we?

Benji: Hey Victor. I’m sorry I wasn’t supportive yesterday when you were excited about your mom. I know you wanted me to be excited with you. Can I tell you a little bit about my own feelings around your mom?

Victor: of course you can.

Benji: Okay. To be honest, I feel really hurt when your mom gives me the cold shoulder. And that’s been something I’ve been dealing with for a while now. So, as much as I want to be supportive of you and excited for you when you see her seeming like she’s making some progress, it’s hard for me. Because it would hurt for me to get my hopes up that she’ll treat me better, only to be disappointed.

Victor: Damn. Wow. I’m so glad you told me how you feel about that. That makes a ton of sense. I would really like your support, because I love my mom and this whole thing with her is hard for me, but I understand now why it would be painful and complicated for you to get too excited. Now I get it. Thanks for telling me. I’ll keep that in mind when I bring it up to you from now on and we can navigate all of it together.

fast forward noises OOC cause I just wrote that as I thought about what I would say in a similar situation, but you get the idea.

Returning to Benji for a sec. I’m a cliiiiinically conflict avoidant person, and I recognize a lot of myself in Benji. He doesn’t want to take up space. He makes funny stories and jokes out of his trauma (strip club, crashing car into Wendys). He doesn’t stand up for himself even if he has a legitimate reason to be upset - he finds reasonable reasons to apologize for his part in the situation and tries to make amends. (Certainly not always a bad thing, just can definitely be a conflict avoidant thing.) I mean, we saw him behaving this way even in s1. Think about on their anniversary when Derek said “can we just go catch that show” and Benji said “you go ahead, I’ll catch up” instead of “hey, I know you don’t care about anniversaries but I do. This means a lot to me. I want to spend time together.”

So yeah, Benji has some serious issues with avoiding talking about his own feelings, standing up for himself, etc if it basically doesn’t “go with the flow” of what the other person is thinking or feeling. Conflict avoidant. He doesn’t want to rock the boat. I don’t know why, yet. I don’t think we as the audience know why at this point, but I hope the writers will get into it. Probably isn’t “because alcoholism” - rather, I think the alcoholism is another symptom of the same issue.

Victor, for his part (and I’ve touched on this in another post), probably has spent so much of his life being the fixer for his family that he kind of unconsciously latches on to people who will give him a break from that and take care of him (think Simon, for instance??? Lol). And he forgets that it’s not black or white, it’s not one or the other: care or be cared for. In a relationship it goes both ways. I really think he got this massive crush on Benji, put him on a pedestal, made him out to be perfect; almost saw him as kind of a savior. Someone who could come, sweep him up, and make everything okay. Fulfill all his fantasies. Victor doesn’t seem to see Benji as a real person yet. And he doesn’t seem to realize that he needs to proactively take care of Benji, not just let Benji keep taking care of him. That they need to meet each other halfway.

And speaking of avoidant people, Victor does seem to have a pattern with this behavior doesn’t he? Dates Mia -> not working out -> run to someone who is new and seems perfect. Dates Benji -> things are complicated and hard -> oh look a handsome boy who is wonderful in every way (runs to someone who is new and seems perfect) (and will fix all his problems). Boy needs to stop running off to the next person who’s gonna “fix all his problems”. He needs to invest in his current partner. He needs to invest in being the one to care about his partner, being the one to put in the effort. Not just being the one to be cared for. He needs to stop waiting for someone to come sweep him up and fix all his problems. It’s not realistic, Victor. Get yer shit together & learn how to be a better bf. For reals. Smh

That went off on a little tangent lol, but honestly, at the end of the day, none of this is really even either of these guys’ faults - yes Victor puts Benji on a pedestal and is just beginning to see him as a real person with complexity and flaws, but to be fair Benji basically did the same thing: put Victor on a pedestal. “I broke up with him. I just want to be with someone where I can be myself and that’s enough. That’s how you make me feel, Victor.” = a really similar pattern to what we’ve seen Victor do. Relationship failing, abandon ship for the shiny, new, and better-seeming option. I’m not saying that that’s always the wrong choice. I don’t think that it is. But I am saying that both Benji and Victor are experiencing something very natural: having big crushes, letting infatuation and rose-tinted glasses go to their head, and then experiencing whiplash when their partner isn’t perfect. Honestly I think we’ve all been there to some extent.

At least in s3, now that they’ve seen some low times and their rose-tinted glasses are off, they should get a chance to create a deeper bond if they choose to do that (I feel confident that they eventually will). Benji needs to own his conflict avoidance and start advocating for his wants, needs, and feelings. Victor needs to recognize that although Benji seemed like a dream boy and is way more experienced yada yada, he’s not there to save or take care of Victor - he’s just a person, who also needs to be taken care of sometimes, and Victor needs to meet him halfway in their relationship and do that for him. They need to be able to exchange care as equals.

There I fixed their whole relationship you’re welcome afhffjhgfgjfgjg

(…….oh god I just realized how the writers are gonna have Victor figure out that sometimes he needs to take care of Benji too, and it’s totally gonna be bc Benji relapses with alcohol. Probably. Sounds like a TV-show move, doesn’t it?)

[shortpplfedup]

Young Royals' Ragtag Band of Misfits: Felice Ehrencrona, the perfect princess

Young Royals is a show about being an outsider, which is a strange thing to say about a show set at an elite boarding school in a rich, white country with an actual prince as the main character. But the show tackles class and privilege, sexuality, neurodiversity, ethnicity and race, and coming of age in the midst of all of that, and does it all with nuance and subtlety. Young Royals portrays the pressures exerted on people who in their own ways are 'other', on the outside of the norms of their environment, and shows us how they react to these pressures as they interact with each other and react to events. Simon chooses to lean into his otherness, to loudly say 'I am different from you all' and use that as both sword and shield, while the other characters do some version of tapdancing to fit in and gain advantage, whether it's pretending (Felice), gatekeeping (August), social climbing (Sara) or not rocking the boat (Wilhelm).

As a black woman from a small, nonwhite country who has spent a fair amount time in spaces outside of my cultural home, in white spaces, elite spaces, and elite white spaces, I was immediately drawn to Felice, and the way that she navigates the world of Hillerska. I recognise Felice, I see her, I've known Felices, sometimes I've BEEN a Felice. Felice, the story tells us, is this perfect, adored, popular girl. She rules the school. She is their Lucia, their version of the prom queen. Boys want her, girls want to be her. But Felice herself is very aware of her 'otherness', the outsider status that is only somewhat mitigated by her father's money and her mother's pedigree. The high wire act she engages in, the balance between having to stand out and set a standard of excellence while also blending in, tamping down her blackness to be nonthreatening, it's a dance that black people existing in white spaces, especially in spaces of extreme privilege, know all too well.

While there are other nonwhite and mixed-race students at Hillerska, including Simon and Sara themselves, Felice is our entry point into this type of difference and the writers thus have made her an 'insider' in every other way: she's culturally if not ethnically Swedish, upper class, wealthy, pedigreed and straight. If she were white she would fit into this world completely and this would be a completely different story. But Felice is so visibly, obviously different; her skin, her hair, her body type. So she does what she thinks she has to do to fit in in the ways she needs to fit in: pursuing Wilhelm; accepting August; always straightening her hair (look at how she freaks out at the party at the idea it's gone curly, the way it naturally grows out of her head). And she also does what she thinks she has to do to stand out in the ways she needs to stand out: taking riding lessons despite being terrified of horses; accepting the role of Lucia.

But this story is about how these people interact, and how their interactions change them. Felice's friendship with Sara is either catalyst or catharsis, I'm not yet sure where to land on that, but it is with Sara that we see Felice starting to say 'screw it' and being more comfortable to be who she is, including showing more cultural indicators of 'blackness' (the twerking at the slumber party is so little yet so massive, all at the same time). When she gives up Lucia to Sara, when she dumps August, when she stands up to her mother about the Lucia dress not being made for her body, when she stands up for Wilhelm, Felice is letting go of the idea that she has to suppress herself, hide parts of who she is, work twice as hard, and make people comfortable with her. Her 'otherness' has stopped being something she is trying to make up for, and is starting to become something she enjoys.

[beclynn-herondale]

For the Circle week: Céline and Jace

"Hey," Jace said, talking to a gravestone like it could hear him. "I know we never really met, but I want you to know that I would have liked to know you."

He came here hoping to maybe try and get am idea of what she may have been like, his birth mother, he recently got very curious about his family roots, he could find a lot about his father and people had many stories, but his mom not so much, no one really knew her and he couldn't help but feel sad for her, he couldn't imagine still not being known.

He often wondered if Valentine lied about her too, did she really kill herself? It didn't sit right with Jace, and maybe it's just him not wanting to think that but he always felt uneasy on that part, though he also didn't have much to go on what she was like so how could he be sure?

He always trusted his instincts but what if he is letting his emotions or false dreams get in the way?

He wished he could just know, but maybe some people just get forgotten, people have td him little things but no one could give him much else about her, he felt that's a crime and that his mother wasn't insane, she just needed help she never got because the Clave thinks they know everything and don't need to change.

He noticed his hands were shaking from getting emotional and calmed himself, it was weird, this healing journey he was on, he was crying again and felt his emotions so deeply again, there were moments where he thought to himself "Valentine would be disappointed in you" but he pushed them away knowing now that that's not true.

"I don't know what to say," he said. "I never knew you but I feel like you were treated so wrongly, I feel like the Clave makes up excuses so they don't have to accept the fact that maybe the way things are is wrong. I feel like they owed you better than this."

He felt like he was repeating himself.

"but you know, I kinda get it. I struggle sometimes too, and I refuse to ask for help all the time. I don't know maybe you were the same? Sometimes it all just sucks," he said, taking a deep breath. "And you know, Clary, she's always talking about how she wishes there was a rune to heal grief, that's just her, she's amazing. She's strong and brave and kind, she's one of the best people I know. And one of the people I love most in this world. And there's Alec, my brother, my parabatai, my rock. I don't know what I would do without him, if not for him I probably wouldn't have made it far enough to meet Clary and turn my life around. Alec is so good and had so much faith, he wants to change the world and make it a better place. And there's Izzy, my sister, she's so passionate and such a badass. She's my partner in crime, she's always had my back and stood up for me, she is brilliant and brave. There's Simon as well, he's alright, I think we're friends. He's cool, though I am not good at relationship stuff I try to be friends with him, he also wants to do the right thing and it's admirable. There's also Magnus, he's cool as well, and he loves Alec as much as I do so that makes me like him a lot, I think we're friends as well maybe family technically, but I don't think either of us will admit that," he chuckled. "There's Max and Rafe as well, those boys, my boys. They are so young and innocent and sweet, it makes me want to protect them from the world that will knew day teach them hard lessons, but I guess that's why you have your family to be there when those lessons come your way and pick you back up. There's Maryse, the woman I call Mom, I don't want you to feel bad about that, she's a good mom to me, I know you probably wish you were here instead but believe me she's awesome," he trailed off.

What am I doing?

"but I also want you to know, that if you hadn't died, if you had lived, I think we could have been close as well. But I suppose the universe isn't always fair. I just want you to know that if you ever felt any kind of guilt for dying and not being here for me, that it's okay, I am okay, and I want you to be at peace," he said.

------

She didn't think he realized she was there listening to him speak, he had his head down and was talking. She was on the other side of the gravestone, just listening to his voice, thanking the people who loved her boy.

Even though it hurt knowing she couldn't be his mom, she thanked Maryse for being that to him. She thanked Clary Fairchild for loving him beyond measure. Thanked Alec Lightwood for being there to always take care of him and love him as well. Thanked Isabelle Lightwood for being a sister to him. Thanked Simon Lovelace for being a friend. Thanked Magnus Bane for secretly being like a big brother to him, though bsje wasn't sure if he realized it. Thanked Rafe and Max for loving him. and finally thanked the Angel for letting him live and be happy.

I love you, my boy. And I wish I could know you but I leave you with the ones who love you as much as I would have. I never got to hold you in my arms but at least I can be at peace knowing people do hold you. I am proud of you sunshine.

Tagging @khaleesiofalicante since you do be running this week.

[bytheangell]

A Very Successful Hunt

( @shadowhunterbingo​ square: Hunt. Clary/Izzy, no warnings) (Read on AO3)

Isabelle could do without Clary Fray showing up out of nowhere with her stubborn determination and eye-catching red hair and paint-splattered jeans. She could absolutely do without a gorgeous new girl hanging around the Institute, inserting herself in a world she barely knows anything about as if she’s been there her whole life… and yes, Izzy could definitely do without the huge, raging crush she has on the new Shadowhunter.

Isabelle takes to Clary so fast it’s scary. The fact that Clary shows up with Simon in tow sends up a few warning flags, especially with the way the mundane-turned-vampire constantly follows Clary around. She’s wary, but Clary and Simon insist they’re just friends. Once Isabelle knows that Clary is unattached, nothing can stop her from shamelessly showing off every time Clary’s around in an attempt to draw her affection.

Isabelle orders around anyone stationed under her while Clary’s nearby, showcasing her ability to take command and the respect others give her, toeing the line between being impressive and intimidating. When that doesn’t work she tries to cozy up to Simon hoping to get some information about Clary out of him, but also to show that she can care about what’s important to Clary, too, since Simon is clearly important to Clary. Izzy always saves her best outfits for days she knows Clary will be around and tries to arrange her schedule to be free for sparring during Clary’s training.

Isabelle does everything she can to catch Clary’s attention, to no avail.

Unfortunately, whenever Clary’s around she seems to be more interested in Jace. Isabelle watches Clary barely make eye contact with her, and shift her gaze to Jace instead as they pass down the hallway. When they’re in groups Clary speaks with Jace first, sometimes only speaking with Jace and pointedly ignoring Izzy. In fact, at times it’s painfully obvious the way Clary always tenses up around Isabelle but seems perfectly relaxed around Jace.

“I never thought I'd say this, but I’ve never wished I was you more than I do right now,” Izzy admits. Because of course Clary’s drawn to Jace, with his stupid ‘I don’t even have to try’ charm.

“If I could, I’d trade with you in a heartbeat,” Jace reassures her. She’s seen the way he’s eyed Simon the past few days, even if he hasn’t openly admitted it.

Isabelle wonders when she should just accept reality and cut her losses, but she isn’t ready to give up quite yet.

---

“It isn’t fair,” Clary sighs, flopping back onto the mat in the training room.

“I could just stop coming around with you,” Simon offers, trying to help.

“No, it’s fine,” Clary says. It isn’t fine, not when every time Simon is around Isabelle shamelessly shows off in front of him, but she doesn’t blame either of them, not really. “It’s just a stupid crush anyway.”

“It isn’t like I like her back,” Simon points out. “You should still go for it. Who knows what’ll happen?”

Clary eyes him curiously. “...why wouldn’t you like her back? She’s perfect.”

“For you, definitely,” Simon agrees. “But have you seen Jace?”

Despite her pining, Clary snorts out a laugh.

“Seriously,” Simon continues, steering the topic back to her. “Why not just talk to her?”

Clary sighs again, mostly for dramatic effect, as she pushes herself up off the mat. “Because every time I get near her I freeze up! I can’t even look her in the eyes without blushing, so I just stopped looking at her at all.”

“You’re a disaster,” Simon says, not unkindly.

“Tell me something I don’t know. Anyway, it’s never going to happen. There’s no way I’m setting myself up for failure when I already know the answer. I mean, we both saw her while I trained today.”

Jace trained with her today, and the entire time Clary watched Isabelle smile and laugh at everything Simon said as the two of them talked off to the side of the room. Clary didn’t miss the way Isabelle’s intense gaze met her own, as if to make sure she saw her with Simon, and why else would Izzy do that if she wasn’t trying to send a very pointed message that she’s interested in him?

Clary isn’t sure if Isabelle’s looking for approval or issuing a challenge, but it doesn’t matter either way.

Simon winces. “Yeah. Sorry, I panicked once she started talking to me. I didn’t want to be rude to her and ignore her, but if you want me to next time, just say the word and I’ll kick her to the curb.”

Clary only sighs in response, wondering how long she can manage to avoid Izzy before she has to confront her feelings head-on.

---

Simon knows he’s taking a risk when he corners Jace the following day. Clary is out on a patrol so she won’t be back for at least another hour, which is plenty of time for him to talk to Jace without her seeing.

“Hey, if I tell you something, can you promise not to tell Clary I told you? Or Isabelle?” Simon jumps right to the point, because if the answer is anything other than ‘yes’ he doesn’t have to bother with the rest.

“That depends on what it is,” Jace says.

Simon considers that answer. “It’s just…look, you need to get Izzy to lay off the flirting, okay?”

“Did Clary say something?” Jace asks.

“I know Izzy means well. But I’m not interested, and it’s killing Clary to watch-”

“Wait, you’re not interested?” Jace frowns, brows furrowing.

“Listen, I mean, she’s hot and all but-”

“Simon, she hasn’t been showing off for you,” Jace says. “She’s trying to flirt with Clary.”

“What?!” Now it’s Simon’s turn to be confused. “No, she spent the entire day flirting with me yesterday! You were there.”

“She’s just being nice to you because you’re important to Clary. No offense,” Jace adds quickly.

Simon is still reeling from the revelation that Izzy likes Clary back too much to care about the unintentional slight against himself.

“But Clary obviously isn’t interested, so really, I don’t know why she keeps trying,” Jace adds.

“But Clary is ridiculously interested!” Simon protests.

“Then why does she keep talking to me and ignoring Izzy?!” Jace demands.

“Because she’s a disaster and panics every time they’re together!” Simon points out, then after a moment of silence laughs. Jace looks surprised, then starts laughing as well a few seconds later.

“Alright, so they’re both disasters. Should we tell them?” Jace ponders.

Simon shakes his head. “No. Clary will never believe me anyway. I think they have to figure it out themselves.”

Jace smirks. “Okay… but maybe we can just help them speed the process along.”

---

Isabelle and Clary are the first to arrive in the tunnels for the emergency call about a reported demon sighting.

Clary won’t stop pacing, looking anywhere but at Izzy. When Clary finally speaks it’s the last thing Izzy wants to hear.

“Where’s Jace?” Clary asks, glancing at the entrance.

“Great question,” Izzy says, just as her phone buzzes with a text. “...and the answer is that he isn’t coming. Something about another report across town. Guess it’s just the two of us this time around.”

Izzy tries not to overthink the immediate look of panic on Clary’s face at that as they set off.

The first few minutes are spent in an almost painful silence until they come across the demon - it’s just one, thankfully, and Izzy’s quick to place herself between it and Clary when she spots it, dispatching it easily with her whip and a little extra flourish.

“I’m surprised you’re still showing off without Simon around to impress,” Clary says, and despite the smile that’s meant to be joking Izzy swears there’s a bitterness behind the words.

“Why would I need to impress Simon?” Izzy asks, trying to sound nonchalant. Had Clary realized what she was doing, trying to win over the best friend for brownie points? Did it backfire?

Clary just rolls her eyes. “We should go a little further, in case there are more,” is all she says.

“Sure,” Izzy agrees, left wondering what Simon was saying to Clary about her as she takes the lead down the tunnel again.

Izzy makes it a point to kick every stray rock she comes across with her boot, mostly to vent a little bit of her frustration, because otherwise, she’s going to snap and ask Clary why she doesn’t like her, and that’d just be sad and desperate.

One of her kicks, while admittedly a bit lost in her thoughts about the redhead walking several steps behind her, lands a bit too hard and the rock hits the wall of the tunnel hard, the sound echoing in front of them. The sound of wings immediately sounds back.

“Clary, watch-” Izzy starts, but Clary is already moving to grab Izzy by the waist and pull her down to the ground, just as a colony of bats flies through.

“I’m surprised you didn’t just let them hit me,” Izzy mutters.

“What?” Clary says, and Izzy curses because she didn’t think she said it loud enough for her to hear.

Izzy debates just pretending she didn’t say anything at all, but maybe it’s finally time to accept the way things are going to be. “Listen, I can be cool about this, okay? We can work together even if you don’t like me back.”

“What?!” Clary repeats. “I- You’re the one who doesn’t like me!”

“... excuse me?” Izzy says, suddenly very aware that they’re both still sitting on the ground. She stands herself up and brushes the dirt off her dress. There’s a short silence as Clary stands and does the same with her jeans, confusion evident when she finally turns her gaze back to her.

“You like Simon,” Clary says, as if this is the most obvious thing in the world, then frowns. “...don’t you?”

“No! I mean, I don’t hate him or anything, but I don’t like him like that. I’ve been trying to impress you and you barely look at me! What do you mean you like me, you ignore me for Jace all the time?”

“I don’t… that isn’t what I…” Clary starts, then stops, then starts, then stops again, worrying her lower lip. There’s a very long pause in the conversation, and for a few moments Izzy is positive that Clary is just going to turn and walk away without another word before she takes a deep breath and forces the words out.

“How am I expected to show up and just be cool around you when you’re-” Clary breaks off to motion up and down at Izzy. “You’re you! Of course I’m a mess around you, I can barely think straight!”

Izzy smirks at Clary’s choice of phrasing. “Well, no straight thoughts about me is a good start,” she says.

Clary balks. “See! That! I can’t do that!”

“Obviously, or we probably wouldn’t be in this mess,” Izzy points out.

“...says the girl who thought flirting with Simon was sending a clear message,” Clary counters.

“Okay, I wasn’t flirting! I was just being nice so he’d like me, so you’d like me for being nice to him! Which, in retrospect, might be easily misconstrued,” Izzy admits. “But that isn’t important.”

Despite the confusion and hints of annoyance and surprise and disbelief that are all jumbled together right then, there’s a nervous excitement rising up between them as the implications of their realization start to settle.

Izzy takes a tentative step closer to Clary - and this time, Clary doesn’t look away or step back. This time Clary moves to help close the space between them, and Isabelle grins against the press of Clary’s lips.

---

Simon and Jace are both waiting for them to return, and Clary catches the knowing smiles on their faces when she walks in with Izzy, close enough their arms brush against each other as they laugh.

“I take it the hunt went well?” Jace asks, glancing between the two of them.

“Very well,” Izzy says with a wink.

“Pay up, Lewis,” Jace says, holding his hand out.

Simon groans, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a $20 bill.

“...there wasn’t a second demon sighting, was there?” Clary accuses, eyes narrowing.

“Nope,” Jace admits. “I bet Simon if we got the two of you alone long enough, Izzy would cave and say something to get you two together finally. Simon bet Clary would panic and double-down to deny it even if you did.”

“Simon!” Clary says, though after her recent bouts of pining she can’t really blame him for the lack of faith.

“In his defense, you almost did,” Izzy points out.

“Not the point,” Clary pouts. Izzy leans in and gives her a quick kiss, and Clary’s lips immediately turn up in a smile.

“That’s better,” Izzy says, smiling back.

“By the Angel, what have we done?” Jace groans dramatically. “I can’t watch any more of this. C’mon, Si. I’m suddenly $20 richer, first drink’s on me. I think we earned it,” Jace offers.

Simon looks surprised for a second, then nods eagerly before following Jace out of the Institute.

Clary looks over to Isabelle with a slight, knowing smirk. “How long before they realize?”

“I’d give it a week.”

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 107

Happy Tuesday, time for a new chapter!

Writing author’s notes three weeks in advance is hard, I am realizing.  However I am reasonably sure if I wait to write this note, I will forget, because Tuesdays are insane at work.

So, quickly: shout out to @baelpenrose​ for being my beta, as always. Also, thank you to @charlylimph-blog​ and @zommbiebro​, for the characters in this chapter.

I hope you all enjoy!!

I had to admit, as I laughed at Charly’s face when she stole a bite of my food, that Huynh - and therefore Jokul - had a point about eating in the cafeteria/mess regularly. Today, I had taken a page out of his book, and decided on my lunch based on what someone else was eating that looked good when I walked in.  No matter how the dish ended up being, the smile on the face of a random stranger when I stopped and told them their food looked good, along with asking if I could get some from the console, made my day.

Which was good, because it was the oddest fish pie I had ever eaten. In general, I neither hated nor loved fish pie - I needed to either have a request or a craving to make it, usually. However, when I originally saw it as I entered the mess, I saw flaky crust, meat, veggies, and a creamy sauce and called it a winner. I don’t think Charly was expecting seafood in general when she took a bite, and I certainly hadn’t been expecting scallops, even knowing I had gotten fish pie.

“That’s… that’s fish!” she sputtered, glaring at me in betrayal.

“It’s actually scallops,” I corrected, no less perplexed for that fact. “I was expecting mackerel and cod, or haddock. That’s what Conor always asks me to make, anyway.”

“But it’s fish,” she insisted. “I thought it would be chicken.”

“It’s not bad,” I admitted, taking another bite. “Just caught me off guard.”

Shaking her head and scowling, she got up to get her own food, returning with an actual chicken pot pie. Just as she was hooking her arm around it protectively - either protecting it from me or from my lunch, who knew - a pillar of grey and silver stalked up to the table before plopping down miserably. 

Now holding her pie over her head - to avoid being flanked? - Charly stared down, eyes wide. “Mr. Bjornson?” she asked, bewildered.

Craning my neck, I realized she had a point, although the hair was somewhat dishevelled and the robes were wrinkled beyond anything I had seen him wearing previously.  Not even Conor or I would wear clothes that creased, honestly. Hesitantly, I poked at him. “Did you just decide to die in front of my food?” I asked, skeptical. “Last time you interrupted my lunch, you were being kidnapped.”

Alarmingly, Jokul sat up, eyes red, sniffling back tears. “He won’t talk to me…”

Both Charly and I jerked back, surprised. Recovering faster, I carefully ventured a question. “You mean Ivan?”

Rather than answer out loud, Jokul gave a bigger sniff and nodded emphatically.

I was so not prepared to have this conversation, but I tried anyway. “Is everything… I guess, okay, for lack of a better term?”

“He works so much,” came the plaintive response. “He’s so tired all the time, and I’m trying to adjust to everyone looking at me funny and…” He stopped, tears rolling again, biting his lip in what looked like an effort to gain control.

“And?” Charly asked, setting her lunch down and carefully reaching to put a hand on his forearm.

“AndIdonthaveanyoneelsetotalktonowbecauseIrealizedIdontactuallyhaveany friennnnnnnds,” he blurted out quietly, the last part on a barely-constrained sob. I had to give him credit for trying to draw as little attention as possible while talking about something that was clearly a difficult subject.

“Oh, that’s bullshit,” Charly sighed softly, shaking her head. “Right, Sophia?”

I rocked my head a bit, thinking about it. “I mean…. I don’t know about friends, per se - “ Charly glared and kicked me hard enough to drive the breath out of me. “Hey! Cut me some slack?”

“I’m the one who got the punch,” she scolded, stroking his hair and carefully detangling it.

Fair. “Earning friendships may take some time,” I admitted. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to anyone about what’s going on, you know.”

“Who, Councillor?” he demanded sadly. “Who do I have to talk to?”

“Well, you clearly thought I was a good idea - Ow, Charly!”  Rubbing my shin, I continued. “Like I was saying, though. It kind of depends on what it is you want to talk about. If it’s struggling to come back from a negative public image… Simon, hands down, is the best person for that.”

Thankfully, Jokul went from looking despondent to confused. “Simon Rodriguez?”

Charly and I both nodded hard enough to pop our necks. “He was a complete ass when I boarded. I actually tried to kill him, and so did Tyche.  He can tell you the details, but in the end, he made the effort to be a better neighbor, and now he’s an amazing educator whose students adore him.”

“Arthur Farro was a warlord, however,” Jokul tried to object. “Would he not be a better source of insight?”

“Absolutely not,” Charly responded before I could draw a breath, shooting the idea down instantly. “Mr. Farro doesn’t care what other people think of him, beyond making sure they aren’t trying to kill him too actively.  He adheres to social etiquette in most cases, but it’s not for his own sake, more for the sake of those associated with him. Does he care if he’s trustworthy? Absolutely. Likeable…...” She winced as she trailed off, hand tipping in an ‘eh’ gesture.

“Which is why he wasn’t bothered in the least when you wanted a fight,” I pointed out, trying to draw the points together. “Whereas Simon didn’t realize how poorly people thought of him, and as soon as he did, he took steps to change it, even when it was hard. So definitely start there if you need guidance.”

“I will endeavor to do so,” Jokul nodded before his expression dropped again. “But what about Ivan?”

“There is nothing about him being tired that makes his ears malfunction,” I heard myself say. What? Why? Why was I doing this? “No matter how tired I am, my ear still works, and I can still listen to Conor and Maverick about their days. And sometimes that’s all that’s needed.  Mutual bitching about a bad day is… pretty normal, actual.”

He sat up, paling, with a horrified expression on his face. “Oh dear gods, how do you manage two?!”

Charly and I traded glances of confusion before looking back at the distraught man who was slowly inching fingers toward my fish pie. I nodded to Charly, who wrinkled her nose and got up to grab him some food, while I addressed the former cult leader. “It’s usually easier than just one,” I confessed. “If one of us is too tired or sick, there’s always someone who can pinch hit.” I wasn’t about to admit that it was also made easier by the massive family I had acquired during my time on the Ark. That was the last thing he needed to hear. Softening slightly, I tilted my head and placed my hand on his arm. “Jokul, do you really not have any friends, anymore? What about… the ginger kid. I never got his name.”

“William,” Jokul spat with more force than I had seen since the day we met, catching me completely off guard. “A sycophant. He almost immediately asked what my plans were to continue forward with ‘our plans’.” The air quotes were a nice touch, but his face was nothing but sour. “I had to report him to Councillor Kalloe,” he confessed, face falling into a frown.

“Oh, wow,” I murmured. “Okay then. We need to figure out how you can meet other people, I think.” I was barely able to resist the urge to hit myself in the face. We? Why was this a we thing all of a sudden?

Thankfully, Charly came back, nose wrinkled at a second portion of fish pie. As Jokul dug into it, she perked up slightly. “The Undine! They have cultural events all the time!  And! Andandandandand,” she started bouncing in her seat with each syllable. “Ivan loves those events. Not only does he drum up a lot of work, but he also loves meeting new people! You can do a date thing!”

That was, by far, the most harmless suggestion Charly could have made, and I made a mental note to send her a candy-basket at some point. “Plus, if Ivan is there, Zach and Hannah should be, too. You met them, right?”

“Did I?”

I managed not to roll my eyes as I reminded him. “The couple that were talking to Ivan the day you, um… met him?”

“Oh!” he exclaimed, sitting up straighter. “He mentioned they were friends of his!”

“Lord bless it,” I laughed. “Those two are probably his closest friends, honestly.  So, something like that would be both a chance to make friends and something you can do with Ivan!” And something that does not require me to adopt someone who recently did his best to be a pain in my ass. 

“And you said I can still just… talk, to Ivan, when he’s too tired to do anything else?”

“Yes?” I confirmed, slightly bewildered. “He still cares, I would think.  Keep in mind, he does manual labor for a living, by choice.  If he’s too tired to move, he is probably physically incapable of moving.  It would be like Conor coming home, showering, and flopping on the couch.  Good luck moving him, just grab him a pillow and blanket.”

Jokul arched an eyebrow at me, recovering something resembling his former ego. “I am quite capable of carrying Ivan to a proper bed, thank you.” His face abruptly softened. “I’m just new at… this…” he waved his hand vaguely. “Relationships, during a time of peace, I suppose.”

Huh. That never occurred to me, actually. “Hang on,” I thought out loud. “Have you had any portion of this conversation,” I frantically pointed between the three of us, “with Ivan?”

“Not.. yet?” came the sheepish response.

“Sir!” I sputtered. “If you do not go home right now - take your pie with you! - and talk to your poor…. Partner, boyfriend, whatever. If you don’t talk to Ivan, I will give Arthur permission to re-administer the ass-whooping and deal with Ivan later over it!”

Rather than being offended, Jokul seemed to take the admonishment for what it was, and dashed off.  Charly, breathless with laughter, managed to recover just enough to give me the stink eye. “Did you just give solid advice to your adversary?”

“I won! Sort of,” I argued. “Besides, anyone that upset about a romantic relationship deserves some kind of slack, right?”

“Were you really going to sic Mr. Farro on him?”

I groaned, burying my head in my hands. “The less he knows about this entire interaction, the better. I’ll never hear the end of it.” And then, just as if my day could not possibly get any better, I heard a familiar, dry voice snark from behind me. 

“The less I know about what the better?”

Oh, hell.

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[jeeperso]

D&D Quotes Without Context

Ravenloft Edition, Dementlieu Arc part 2

Alright, it's night. Jonni: “The best time for arson!” Jonni, you are up spending some quality time with Vesh. Jonni: “The best time for arson!” "YOU COME INTO MY CITY WITH A PARADE, PUTTING ON A FARCE FOR THE MASSES, YOU FOOL THEM BUT YOU DO NOT FOOL ME. NOW FACE MY JUDGEMENT." They point a bony finger at Vesh and....nothing happens. They point a few more times, expecting something to happen. Vesh sighs. "You done?" “Hey, buddy, I told you, she’s a Princess. Maybe not of a big nation, but a Princess is a Princess.” "...Well I guess she is. Sorry for disturbing you." And the spirit then awkwardly shuffles out. "That reminds me, I will visit Semprini, warn him of this Red Death." “Or, hear me out, we don’t and hire a bard to follow him around and then show us what happened later in moving pictures.” "Come on, you know how well I can fit in with high society, Steve. I can speak Snob." "Steve... He really moved up in the world after he died. I'm proud for him." "Social gatherings...I can be nice and polite, but high society tends to leave me cold. It all seems so...fake." “Yeah. But I usually get to fork some ashholes [sic] trophy wife in the cloak room, and the food can be good.” "Look it's easy, you go to some parties and dinners at some places, see the sights, smile and laugh, and we're golden. "And if anyone gives us any shit, we just grin and take it, and then track them down after the party and light them on fire." "We've come on behalf of a young lady whose parents have been afflicted with a curse..." “We need that lifted before we have to adopt again.” "None of the rest of you better pull an Edmund on us." Gorbash: "Okay Marshal's not allowed to speak for the group without approval. Jonni was already not allowed to speak for the group. God... am I the diplomatic one here? How the hell am I the diplomatic one?" Jonni: “Hey, I can be diplomatic. In a skeevy way, sure, but diplomatic.” Jonni: “Back of the line, new Eddie. Gorb’s in charge unless I have a better idea.” "Some specters showed up while you were out, but Kyra and Simone drove them off....Where's Marshal?" Jonni: “Getting ready for me to kill him when he gets back.” Seoni sighs, "Of course he did." Gorbash: "Yeah, he's joining Jonni in the 'not allowed to make decisions without group permission club'." Jonni: “Wait… Marsh is gone! No one will stop me from killing Semprini!” Gorbash: "I am still here." Jonni: “I’ll bring you his mustache.” Gorbash: "You may continue." Gorbash: "...Gods, I'm the leader... How is the guy who spent a year in a fracking asylum the one people look to for leadership?" OOC: Gorbash is going to be referring to this kind of epic stupidity as Pulling an Edmund for at least as long as it takes us to save Edmund. OOC: I haven’t seen a robot do something that dumb since Optimus’ Primes comic death. And his brain fits on a 3x4 floppy. Gorbash: "I've been to Blutspar. I don't need eyes to see horrors everywhere. Give me the tour." Nyx: "I would like to go some place without horrors for once. I'm guessing that is too high an order around here." Gorebash:

Yeah she had a holy symbol of Asmodeus on her armor. “Oh, hey, we got that douche canoe back home” Jonni says, very loudly. “Demon Prince of tiny dicks.” Jonni: “I don’t go to plays with ‘king’ in the title after the incident. “Course, most of the plays I go to have titles that are parody’s of other plays. They usually involve some kind of food delivery that can’t be paid for.” Gorbash grabs Irost by the collar. "Entire city. Mass suicide. Rivers of blood centuries later. GIANT MAN MADE OF BUGS!" Irost: "....That could possibly be classified as urban improvement..." Irost: "But then we'd miss the ball, and the excitement, and the chance to make names for ourselves." Jonni: “New Eddie is dumber than old Eddie.” Gorbash: "My old crew and I once infiltrated a gods damned apocalypse cult-a-polusa! I damn well know my apocalypses." “We’ll get you a red snapper, it’s okay. The things beyond the veil aren’t going to tear your soul out and wipe their ass with it tonight.” The stall has three barrels around the stall, and a large crate with a sign that says "Stikk hand in fer big serprize." [sic] Gorbash: "This feels like a trap. Hey Jonni, come here!" Jonni: “Want me to light it up?” Upon you saying that the crate grows a mouth and begins inching away. The crate and the three barrels, as well as the sign, all get up and move towards an open manhole. The lead mimic turns and spits at you, "Damn adventurers, this used to be a nice neighborhood." Jonni: “Hey I know where you can find a really dumb guy. I’ll tell you if you bring us his mustache.” "How dare you, we are not vagrants nor tramps. We are guards for a traveling merchant caravan. And adventurers who solve problems and help others." "Right! They're Hobos!" Jonni: “Cool. Cool. So you’re a colossal asshat, your god sucks, and virtually no one I care about will mind if you die. In fact, the nicest member of my party thought about doing it herself.” Jonni: “Hey! One last thing? Go fuck yourself with a cactus you racist piece of devil-worshiping pig fart.” Linxia takes a deep breath. "We will settle this another time I think. But keep in mind;" she reaches out, grabs a caterpillar from a tree, and crushes it in hand. "Vermin always get crushed in the end." Gorbash: "B!+ch, we're Pest Control experts." He is wearing a "I survived the Organ grinder" TY shirt over his armor, and is also covered with popcorn, soda and other stickyness. In one hand he holds a handful of balloons, and in the other a large stuffed purple teddy bear. On his head is a hat with cat ears. Jonni: “We met new people to kill and you’re not allowed to tell me no anymore.” Gorbash returns the favor that Marshal did for him back in Hazlan and tightly hugs his metal friend. Irost would hug him from the other side as well, squeezing tightly. You are stuck fast to Marshal now, he is very sticky. "Uhm, do we need to get out the special scrubbing alcohol to clean you guys off now?" Marshal: "Fire." Jonni casts the “create campfire” cantrip. Irost: "WAIT! Wait we're still-AHHHHHH!" Marshal ties a blindfold around his helmet's eyeholes and sticks a cigarette in just in time. Jonni: “Sorry, reflex.” Marshal: "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe." Jonni: “I’ve fucked things you wouldn’t believe. Anyhow, walk it off. We got crime tonight.” “It’s that or wait for the play that pinged Gorb’s 'end of world' alarm to finish.” "What you did Marshall... Sainthood should be being considered." “If they gave out sainthood for being a moron Semprini would be a living god.” You guys become aware, that there things watching you. Or rather watching Marshal. You see countless tiny stuffed animals of varying types: bears, foxes, rabbits, but with horrific twisted features. Some have obviously human eyes or teeth, others are bulging with strange contents. Gorbash: "How is it, that Marshal is the one with the most Stalkers?" Marshal: "Co-workers on break." Jonni: “They forming a union?” According to Vesh, the boat will be arriving at Midnight with cargo, among which will be the box. It will unload the cargo in the shipping company's warehouse. where it will stay until it is shipped to the D'honaire estate on the night before the ball. The docks are silent. No one on them. The niight is clear, with stars in the sky and a huge moon. So what's your plan? OOC: Fireballs. You see the bizarre scene of a bunch of demonic beanie babies smoking. After about fifteen minutes, the bay is rocked by a massive explosion, as the galleon bursts into flames. "Jonni!" Jonni: “Gods I wish that was me.” OOC: Great things happen when Kreuz has a Paladin Moment. OOC1: This other crew is going to find we aren't harder to deal with than most adventurers, we fight smarter, not harder. OOC2: Also, we are more mentally unstable and prone to dickery. OOC: To be fair, the rules don’t say I have rocket feet. The power gamer in me says no, but the nerd in me says “ROCKET BOOTS!”

[angelsfalling16]

Love and Porta Potties

A remix of @caitybuglove23‘s porta potty fic

This started out as me just wanting to remix their original fic with some Shrek references, but it turned into me rewriting it as an American AU and expanding it in both directions.

This was a lot of fun to write, and I hope you like it, Caity!  💖☀

(Btw, if you haven’t read their fic yet, you definitely should. It’s amazing!)

Thanks so much to @amphipodgirl and @scone-lover for beta-reading!! <3

Fic Summary: A series of events throughout Simon and Baz’s relationship that happen in porta potties, some of them good, some of them messy, and some of which they don’t speak of.

Word count: 2416

Here’s chapter one of three. The next chapter will be up on Wednesday!

Read on ao3

***

Simon

Baz and I have slowly been getting along better recently. It is just a little unfortunate that it took us until the end of high school to get to this point because it has actually been really nice.

In fact, it has been more than nice. I think I might be starting to like him. Like really like him.

It hit me slowly at first, but the more I got to know him, the more I realized how much I like him. I think I might like him a lot. I just wish that I knew if he felt the same way.

Every once in a while, I get this feeling that he might like me too, and that feeling has been pretty constant today, especially as we talk and walk around with each other.

The fair is in town this weekend, so we decided to go with our friends as one last get together before we start college in the fall. It's the first time that Baz and I have hung out outside of school, and besides a little bit of awkwardness at the beginning, it has been a lot of fun. Even our friends have been getting along. Or at least, no one has insulted anybody else yet.

Dev and Niall have stuck pretty close together and not said much to the rest of us, but Penny has surprisingly had a lot to say to Baz. I never thought I'd see the day where those two would be friends, but they seem to have really hit it off.

It almost makes me jealous to see my best friend get along better than I am with the guy that I'm crushing on, but I know that there is nothing to worry about there. Plus, it’s nice that they get along well. I would hate for Penny to disapprove of someone that I like.

On the rides Dev and Niall pair up together, and Penny won't go on any of them, which has left Baz and me together. She says that they are all death machines that shouldn't be running when they were put up so quickly. I tried to tell her that they probably do safety checks and point out that people have been riding them all day without any accidents. Her response was “yet,” and that was that.

It has been surprisingly fun to do all of this with Baz. He seemed hesitant about the rides at first as well, but he has followed me into the line for each ride that I've decided to go on so far.

Right now, as the sun sits low in the sky, casting darkness on the fairgrounds, we are in line for the ferris wheel. It's a pretty mild ride compared to the rest, but I notice the way that Baz eyes the top, like he might be afraid of heights or something.

"Hey," I say quietly, bumping my elbow lightly against his side. "We don't have to go on this if you don't want to."

He looks over at me with a peculiar expression, like he's trying to read me, before looking back up at the ride. It's almost our turn to get on. I think the longest part of this whole thing is loading people on and off.

We shuffle forward a few more steps. He shakes his head, but I'm not sure if it's at me or the ride.

"Baz," I begin again, but then we're at the front of the line and being ushered into the little cart together.

He turns to me long enough to say, "I'm good, Snow." Then, he steps up into the ride, and I follow after.

We don't say anything as our cart is raised bit by bit while the rest are being filled. I drum my fingers against my leg with a sort of nervous anticipation. I wish that Baz would say something to tell me what he's thinking.

He has been oddly quiet, and I'm starting to feel like maybe I did something wrong. Did I upset him? Have I been viewing this whole thing the wrong way? Did he go on this ride because he felt like he had to? Is he here at the fair because he felt like he had to come? Am I just some bothersome gnat that he can't seem to get rid of? Does he want to be here at all?

I start to feel a little sick, and it isn’t because of all of the sugar or numerous fried items that I've eaten in the past hour. It isn’t because of the ride either. I need a distraction, but the only thing here is Baz. And while he is kind of the thing that I need a distraction from, he is also the best kind of distraction.

"Did you know that this is the first time that I've been to a fair?" I ask as I look out at all of the people walking around the booths and standing in line. It seems like I can see everything from up here.

"Really?" Baz asks softly.

I nod. "Yeah. Didn't exactly go to one when I was in the orphanages. And even in the nicer foster homes I stayed in for a while, they either didn't go or didn't invite me so that they wouldn’t have to spend money on me."

I'm rambling now and wondering if I should shut up, but I keep talking. It keeps my mind off of the other worries.

"I would always pass by the fairgrounds and see them setting up or the flashing lights on the rides in the evening, and it would seem like this whole other world that I would never be a part of. It was sort of beautiful and sad at the same time."

Baz is quiet for a long time, and I worry that I somehow managed to say the wrong thing. Was bringing up my past the wrong thing to do? He probably doesn’t care about any of this, and now I’m forcing him to have an awkward conversation with me. I definitely screwed this up. He’ll never want to talk to me again after this.

I’m just about to tell him to forget I said anything when he finally replies with, "How do you feel now that you're here?"

I think about that for a moment before I respond. How do I feel? It’s been nice, but I feel like that might have more to do with the current company than with what I have been doing. Still, it definitely isn’t terrible.

"It's fun and all but it seems like I was making a big deal out of nothing. Like it’s not as special as I thought it was. But it's still a good experience, y'know?"

He nods. "Yeah, I think so. It's the feeling of being excluded from something without really knowing what you're missing out on. It's hard not to wonder about it."

"Yeah, exactly." 

He managed to put into words the thing that I've never quite managed to. He does that quite a bit. I'll struggle to explain something, and he'll know exactly what I’m talking about and doesn't make me feel bad about not being able to be clearer with my words.

I appreciate that more than I could possibly say.

I start to say something else, maybe something more about what I'm feeling, but then the ride lurches, and we start to move up to the top in a slow, revolving circle.

We ride in silence for a while before I notice that Baz has a death grip on the side of the ride, and he seems to be leaning as close to the middle as possible. His thigh is practically pressed up against mine, and even though we have been closer than this today, what with how much those other rides throw you into the person you’re riding with, I can feel my heart racing in my chest.

"Are you okay?" I ask him, forcing myself not to think about the way that I can smell his shampoo when he's this close.

He nods.

"You don't seem all that thrilled to be on this ride."

"I just feel like I could easily fall out the side. It's probably stupid because this ride is so calm compared to the others, but it doesn't seem as stable as the rest were." He shifts in the seat and our cart rocks harder than it should, and I actually hear him inhale. He really is afraid.

"Why did you come on this ride if you were that afraid?" I ask, not judging but genuinely curious.

He doesn't answer though because he's too focused on apparently trying to look anywhere but at me.

Is it that awful for him to be around me?

"Hey," I say softly but he just shakes his head. I place my hand on his shoulder and try again, even softer this time, "Hey, look at me. You're okay."

It takes him a moment, but he finally tears his eyes away from the ground far below and looks at me.

"Hey," I say again, offering a small smile.

"Hi," he replies.

"You're safe. I'm right here, and we aren't going to fall." The ride jolts again but then it slows to a stop. "See? The ride’s over. We'll be back on the ground soon enough and you'll be fine. Okay?"

He nods and starts to turn away but I place my hand on his cheek to turn his face back to mine.

"Keep your eyes on me. And don't look down."

He does as I say, and we sit there staring at each other in silence until it's our turn to get off the ride. There's a moment where I think I might lean forward and kiss him, but it passes too quickly for me to decide whether it's a terrible idea or not.

Baz is a little shaky and pale as we walk away from the ferris wheel, but he seems a little better now that his feet are firmly planted on the ground.

I want to say something to him, but I'm still trying to figure out what when Penny comes bounding over to us.

"What next?" she asks excitedly, as if she hasn't just been wandering around playing games or watching us ride the rides the entire time.

Baz looks to me, and I shrug. I feel like I'm still at the top of the ride, mere inches from him as we stare into each other's eyes like we're looking into each other's souls.

I want to go back to that moment to see if I was just imagining that look in his eyes or if there is some possibility that he might actually like me back. It's doubtful, but I have a bit of hope.

"Oh! Look what I won!" Penny holds up a Shrek plush, and I smile. She and I used to watch that movie all the time when we were putting off homework or just needed a break.

"It's cute," Baz says.

"Cute?" I repeat.

"You think Shrek is cute?" Penny grins wickedly, and I can already tell that Baz is never going to live this down.

"Uh th-that’s not quite what I meant," he tries to say, but it's too late.

"Sure it's not," Penny says with a laugh. "I mean, I guess he's cute if you like green skin and poor hygiene." She laughs even harder, and I can't help but join in. It's contagious.

Dev and Niall walk up a moment later looking at the three of us curiously.

"What's so funny?" Niall asks.

"Nothing," Baz snaps before either Penny or I can say anything. "I'm going to use the restroom. I'll be right back."

“Wow, braving the porta potty?” Dev says, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

Baz just shrugs, glancing at me briefly before he turns away. I can't quite read his expression, but it seems like he wants to say something to me.

I wait a moment before excusing myself to the restroom as well.

I watch which one Baz goes into, and before he can lock it, I step in after him.

“What the—? Snow, what are you doing in here?”

“You told me to follow you.”

“No, I didn’t! There's no room in here." He tries to shift away from me but there’s nowhere for him to go.

“Yeah, you did. Well, not aloud because our friends were there, but you told me to with your eyes.”

“With my eyes? Snow, I didn’t say anything with my eyes. I just really needed to piss.”

“Oh....” I shrug and look down at our feet. “I’m sorry. I-I guess I just misread the situation.”

“You think?”

“I guess I probably misread this whole night, too?” I ask, starting to feel really bad.

Did I make all of this up in my head?

“Wait, misread it how?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. I thought this was kind of a date. I thought you were flirting with me or something. I know how much you hate these rides, but you kept going on them with me, even when no one else would. I guess I just thought….” I trail off, shaking my head. “Sorry. I guess I was wrong.”

I turn to leave, but before I can even unlock the door, I feel his hand on my wrist, pulling me back around to face him.

"What—?" I begin but then he presses his lips to mine, effectively shutting me up.

My whole body seems to relax as we kiss. I’m practically melting into him as he wraps an arm around my waist to pull me closer.

I cannot believe that we're having our first kiss in a porta potty.

We kiss for a long moment before he releases me.

“You weren’t wrong,” he murmurs, the corner of his mouth twitching into an almost smile.

“Okay.” I’m smiling stupidly, but I don’t care. I’m happy.

“Now, could you give me some privacy? I really do need to piss.”

“Right." I say, my face warming. “Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. It really is okay.”

"Okay." I smile and step out. 

Someone steps up to use the one I’ve just left, and I feel my face heat up even more as I say, “Sorry, still occupied.”

The guy raises his eyebrows at me, and I hurry away, back to where Penny and the others are waiting.

[365days365movies]

April 10, 2021: The Graduate (1967) (Recap: Part One)

Some Like it Hot got Oscar-stiffed. So did this film!

This film got seven nominations at the 1968 Oscars, and took home Best Director and NOTHING else. It was nominated for Best Picture, Actor, Actress, Supporting Actress, Adapted Screenplay, and Cinematography, and got NONE of them. Hot damn! That surprises me, because this film is RIDICULOUSLY iconic.

I mean, hell, The Simpsons has homaged it at least twice, which I know from the above GIF and the following GIF. And in that one, the teacher in the background is Dustin Hoffman, HOMAGING HIMSELF

There’s been a stage adaptation, AFI called it the 17th best movie of all time in 2007, while also putting it on 5 other lists, and but it on the Movie Quotes list TWICE! Leonard Maltin’s seen it before he dies, the Library of Congress has it in their collection, and it launched Dustin Hoffman’s career into the goddamn atmosphere!  And that’s not even mentioning the one thing I’m looking forward to the most:

The music.

Look, I’m not exactly a big music nerd, by ANY means. I’ve heard songs, but can rarely identify the band or person playing them. I was in an acapella group, a steel band, and chamber orchestra, so I’m no foreigner to music. I’m just...not a big music nerd. But I DO know Simon and Garfunkel, and the more I hear of them, the more I like them.

Scarborough Fair/Canticle, Bridge Over Troubled Water, Mrs. Robinson, Cecilia, I Am a Rock, ALL of them are good classic folk rock songs that are easy to remember. AND I KNOW IT’S LAME TO LIKE FOLK ROCK I DO NOT CARE SUE ME IF YOU MUST. Oh, and I didn’t even mention the most famous of their songs, whose fame was aided by this film’s success. But, uh...I’ll hold onto it for now.

In fact, for now, let’s just jump into the film in and of itself! The Graduate is a classic, and it’s been on my list for a while. It’s more of a romantic comedy, but it’s primarily a comedy (from my understanding), so it’s fitting that I throw it in here. Let’s go!

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

We start on a plane as it lands, joining Benjamin Braddock (Dustin Hoffman), as he leaves the plane and walks through the airport. We also start right away with a BANGER, and the most iconic song on this film’s soundtrack: The Sound of Silence.

Classic. CLASSIC! One of their best! Not my favorite, but one of their best for sure! But OK, after that, we get to know Benjamin a bit more. He’s a recent college graduate and in a state of melancholy, not quite knowing what to do or how to feel about his new situation. This is to the confusion of his father, Mr. Braddock (William Daniels) and his mother, Mrs. Braddock (Elizabeth Wilson).

Urged to attend the party in his honor, he reluctantly goes downstairs, where he’s absolutely accosted (nearly assaulted) by all of his parents’ friends. One of these friends, Mr. Maguire (Walter Brooke), somewhat awkwardly pulls him to the side, and brings him out side. He wants to say one word to him. Just one word.

After that...interaction, Ben takes the opportunity to escape, as all of his accomplishments are being read out loud to the throngs. And I have to say, you can feel just how overwhelming all of this is for him. It’s a palpable anxiety. He goes back to his room to get away from everybody and just look at his fish tank. Just a celebration of the introvert’s experience right here, and I can dig it.

But this private reverie is interrupted by the barging in of one Mrs. Robinson (Katharine Ross), who pretends to have mistaken his room for the bathroom, but sits down and smokes anyway, despite his protests. She asks what making him upset, and notes that’s it’s more of a general feeling than a specific one. She understands and readies herself to leave, but not before asking him to give her a ride home. He reluctantly accepts, and takes her home. She invites him in through some subtle manipulation and...well, you know where this is headed.

An absolutely classic line and classic exchange, and I’m kind of surprised that it happens this soon into the movie, to be honest! She denies the accusation...kind of, and he asks her apology. But she brushes it off, and asks if he’d like to see the portrait of her daughter Elaine, which he’s quite enthusiastic about. But while there, in her room, things continue to get awkward as she basically undresses in front of him.

Mrs. Robinson continues to deny that she’s trying to seduce him, but it’s all basically gaslighting to get him to admit that he wants to be seduced. Damn, Mrs. Robinson, what the fuck? And it’s actually made WAY FUCKING WORSE when she tricks him into getting into a sealed room, where she traps him and tells him that she’s interested in sleeping with him, whenever he wants to. Ben is OBVIOUSLY frazzled as fuck, especially considering the basically near-rape situation he’s currently in.

Thankfully (maybe), the sound of Mr. Robinson’s car pulling up allows enough distraction (and adrenaline rush) for Ben to GET THE FUCK OUT of there, and he runs into Mr. Robinson (Murray Hamilton) in the process. Noticing how frazzled he seems to be, Mr. Robinson tells Ben to relax in his youth, and having a few flings with the ladies while he can. He brushes off all of this, and gets out as soon as he can.

Soon after, summer begins, and not really in Ben’s favor. He’s used again as a prop for his parents and their friends, as his father got him a SCUBA suit that he demonstrates in their pool, despite his protests and wish to be heard. And people...people don’t listen to Ben, huh? I genuinely feel bad for the kid, because it really does seem like nobody attempts to listen to what he wants for how he feels, his parents included. But he seems to get the solitude he’s been seeking as he sits beneath the pool. But that’s overlaid with the realization that Ben actually WAS seduced by Mrs. Robinson, and he gives her a call to meet soon afterwards.

They meet at the Taft Hotel, where Ben is his typical nervous and awkward self, and goes to get a room for the two of them. And it’s now that I should mention that this dude is EXTREMELY twitchy, like goddamn. I know they were saying that he’s “the kind of guy who was to fight them off”, but I DO NOT see it, not gonna lie. 

After a bit more awkwardness, they meet in a room at the hotel, where the clearly still quite nervous Ben struggles with the whole affair (pun intended), including the fact that she is one of his parent’s friends, and that this is a fast start to their relationship. But, Mrs. Robinson being Mrs. Robinson, she once again manipulates him into just getting on with it...and it works.

Once again, The Sound of Silence plays, as summer passes on and he lazes about the pool during the days, then goes to sleep with Mrs. Robinson in the nights. But he doesn’t seem to enjoy any of it, as the two halves of his life are so separate, and he separates them in his mind. And that’s done by some very clever camera work and production design, honestly.

This transitions into a version of the folk rock duo that I hadn’t heard before: April Come She Will, as the affair continues forth. This is interrupted by the frustrations of Ben’s father, who asks what he’s going to do after his collegiate career, tired of his lazing about and doing nothing for...a few weeks. Really? JESUS, DAD, LET ME RELAX!

His time with Mrs. Robinson is also a bit awkward, as he’s craving some sort of relationship outside of specifically sex, and she’s entirely uninterested in that kind of relationship with him. As he tries to start any form of conversation, she reluctantly enters one, which reveals some parts of her relationship with her husband. Specifically, they don’t really love each other, and were forced to marry because she became pregnant with Elaine. It also reveals that Mrs. Robinson is a somewhat broken woman, emotionally.

It’s also revealed during this conversation that Mrs. Robinson DOES FUCKING NOT want him to take Elaine out on a date, but won’t explain her reasons for that. After prying, she says that she doesn’t believe he’s good enough for her (although I don’t quite believe that, personally). This makes him upset, and leads to an argument that almost causes him to leave. But still, she forbids him to go out with Elaine.

That’s made even MORE complicated by the fact that Benjamin’s parents force him to ask her out on a date, and he does so reluctantly, which makes Mrs. Robinson VERY upset. And I gotta say...I don’t think I like anybody in this movie. Like...at all. I only kind of like Ben, although I really only feel bad for him because he has no agency in his life. Not a big fan of Mrs. Robinson, who’s upset by a situation she’s entirely responsible for, and is cheating on her husband. Ben’s parents are annoying, and Mr. Robinson...I dunno, sort of puts off these sleazy vibes, but that’s just a feeling I’m getting.

Elaine seems nice, though, as the two go on a date together. But in order to please Mrs. Robinson, Ben does his absolute damndest to sabotage the date. Starts off with reckless driving, then transitions into ignoring her almost entirely, and then takes her out to a strip club for the date. Which is all understandably extremely upsetting; again, it’s not exactly endearing me to Ben, and it’s not working on Elaine either, who’s convinced that Ben is doing this to punish her specifically, and I don’t fucking blame her!

She runs off crying, and he goes after her, realizing that he’s been a dick and that he really doesn’t want to be. They go get food at the A&W, which is making me both hungry AND nostalgic now...fuck, I really want some food from A&W. But with that, they actually have a good time when he opens up to her about how he’s felt since college ended, and she does something nobody else has: she listens to him.

OK, I’mma get some food, but this is a good place to pause for now! See you later for Part Two!

[lucarioisinthevoid]

m!a time. you gotta work with Candys employees and bots for a promotional stunt for 5 asks not including this one! sorry phone guy but a jobs a job.

“Wh-what?! Are you SERIOUS?!” Distressed Simon and everyone else snapped up. “E-excuse me, but- uh- WHAT? We’re stuck trying to deal with HENRY, th-that surely comes FIRST, r-right-“ Sorry boys! IT’S CANDY TIME! “NO! NO, NO, NO!” Simon howled. “I DON’T- I DON’T- STOP THIS. I’M NOT DOING IT.” S o r r y b o y s ! Henry meanwhile just snorted. “Oh, for sure. You will do it. Have fun, I will look after the restaurant. Do not fret, I-“ Oh, no, you’re coming too. “… what?” Yeah, everyone! Anyhow, send out the animatronics- and probably Ethan, seeing as he never leaves Evelyn on her own- to Candy’s. Not sure what “work with” means, but I’m supposing the restaurants get exchanged somewhat. Four animatronics and one guard in exchange! So, who is coming- Candy, Cindy, the penguin and Vinnie? You know what, asker, if you’re still around, please do clarify, I’ll retcon this ask in specific to fit it. Oh also, fair warning, I’m rather uninformed on the overall lore of FNaC, the only thing I remember well is the last game. Jeremy was the only one who seemed excited. “Candy’s? That is a pretty good place too!” Cheerful he said. “I think it would be great to have a cross promotion going on- we’re really similar after all!” Simon was rocking back and forth, while Mike awkwardly tried to pet his shoulders. The youngest one didn’t even seem to notice that anyone was distressed. “Heck! I was even there a time or two!” Marion petted him gently, not commenting however. Everyone was staring at the door. Well- At least this would distract everyone for long enough that the situation they were in seemed less scary. This felt familiar, this was chaos, this was busy work. Jerry rubbed his hands, nervously. Hopefully the new employee was nice. Finally, the door opened. Everyone instantly stood up to greet- A young woman stuck her head through the door, looking sheepish. “Hello? Uhm… is this the location?” “Is there any other around?” Henry instantly asked back, only drawing a giggle out of her. “Oh- yeah, I guess. Hello, I am Mary Schmidt!” Everyone turned to Mike who looked as irritated as them. The brown-haired girl- had no real similarity to him. At least in his opinion. Scoffing the aggressive guard spoke up. “Hey, fuckwit. Move it. If you stand in that door like that, a gust of wind might cut off your fucking head. Why are you standing in that door like that anyways?!” “H-hey, that wasn’t nice! And I’m standing here because-“ Like on cue, she was shoved forward, as two colorful animatronics jumped inside, a blue and a purple cat. “I’m Candy!” “And I’m Cindy!” The pre-recorded voices started playing, as both of them bounced and danced in the middle of the place. “And we’re the cat-companions! We’re here to ensure you have ton and ton of FUN!” Mary chuckled, slightly nervous. “Yeah, very nice, but you don’t have to-“ As they cat spotted the Phone Guy, both of them exchanged a look and moved squarely towards him. Cats just knew if you disliked them. “Hey boss!” Candy started. “I- I’m not-“ “Oh, yes you are!” Cindy continued, grinning maliciously. “You LOOK like a bossman!” Candy continued. “Take good care of us, bossman!” “Yes, be nice to us! We want to be good friends!” For once it wasn’t Mike who’s knuckles were so tensed up that they were white. “Y-yeah, uh-“ Simon forced out. “How about you do- me a favor and move back? That- that would help a LOT!” “But booooooooooooooooooooooooooss-“ Both of them said at the same time, before Mary finally managed to get between them. “Candy, Cindy, that’s enough! I’m sure you made enough of a good first impression- oh- penguin, stop!” She had turned just in time to see the penguin repeatedly driving over Henry’s foot, who didn’t react at all. Back and forth. It wasn’t heavy enough to do instant damage, but it was getting there. Before Mary could rush over there however, Henry had kneeled down and- Whispered something. Instantly the Penguin seized to move. Out of breath and concerned the other guard picked him up. “A-ah, thank you! How did you do that?! I never seen anyone-“ Kindly Henry smiled. “Why, I worked at Candy’s for a short while back in the old days. It was quite a lot of fun and I learned a few exploits.” “Exploits…?” “No worries about that. They are not supposed to have them anymore anyhow, so please do not tell, will you?” Still smiling he put a warm hand on Mary’s shoulder, who hesitantly nodded- Before abruptly turning around. “Wait- where’s Vinnie? He wanted to come along-“ “… Vinnie, you say?” Interested Henry looked around as well. “… how come he WANTED to come?” “Oh- I guess because he’s my friend… at least I think he is…? He’s sometimes a bit difficult-“ The blue Marionette had slowly floated in, its arms and legs dangling and sliding over the ground, like he was being pulled forward by an invisible string, by a bad puppet master, who completely neglected the rest of this being’s body. It was moving straight towards the actual Marionette, who was tensing up instantly. Separating from Jeremy, Marion moved forward, being as tall as he could be- And as Vinnie came to stand in front of him, it tilted its head to side the, far, far, its neck making an uncomfortable sound of metal scratching over metal, its head now being the wrong way around- Then it snapped up, matching the Marionette in height, its eyes suddenly starting to shine- It looked so… … ANGRY… But before either of them could do something, two people rushed up to drag their respective puppet away. Jerry whined. “Please- Marion… please, don’t be so upset-“ Mary was concerned too. “Vinnie, please! Why are you acting up like this? Please be nice to our new co-workers…” Simon was clutching his receiver. “Th-this is gonna go terrible, huh?” “Ah, fuck it. It’s going to be fine. We’ll survive.” Mike carefully put an arm around his partner’s shoulder, inspecting the whole group. Mary seemed competent enough… it would probably not end up in absolute disaster. Hopefully. Mike just prayed this would go over as smoothly as possible. (… I guess asks open for the Candy crew? I’m lowkey considering making them into my own AU versions, but more about that in the next post)

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1973

Under the cut.

Carly Simon – “You’re So Vain” -- January 6, 1973

Knowing who this song is about -- if there even is someone -- would make it a lot less fun. "You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht" is one of the greatest lines of all time. The subject of this song is a grade-A douchebag, and yet his life's kinda enviable, isn't it? He can fly his plane to see the total eclipse of the sun, he hangs out with spies, he seduces his close friends' wives, his horse wins races. But he "gave away the things he loved." He chose to be a movie character instead of having love, which is rather sad. It's a more complex song than it seems at first. And it's a lot of fun.

Stevie Wonder – “Superstition” -- January 27, 1973

Can't write too busy jamming. Okay so this song is great. The sentiment is one we need a hell of a lot more of. The music has my favorite funk beat. It's my favorite Stevie Wonder song, and one of my favorite songs period. Actually this is three in a row of my favorite songs now.

Elton John – “Crocodile Rock” -- February 3, 1973

Well that ends that streak. I don't like Elton John's music. I find it dull and irritating. I can't even pinpoint why entirely, because I can't listen to enough of his music all the way through. I have had to listen to this one all the way through at every wedding reception I've ever been to, though. It's a boring dance song, and boring dance songs are very bad things.

Roberta Flack – “Killing Me Softly With His Song” -- February 25, 1973

Roberta Flack is great, but I prefer the Fugee's version of this song. Flack's version is a little too color-within-the-lines for me.

The O’Jays – “Love Train” -- March 24, 1973

An optimistic, happy song about everyone loving each other and getting along. It's also a good dance song, which makes it easy to get on board.

Vicki Lawrence – “The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia” -- April 7, 1973

She killed her sister-in-law for cheating on her brother? Really? Really? Well this is where revenge leads -- now her brother's dead too. This song doesn't get at anything interesting and the story is simply unpleasant. The music in this song's not spectacular or anything, but it deserves a better story.

Tony Orlando & Dawn – “Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Ole Oak Tree” -- April 21, 1973

This lounge lizard singing a twangy country-ish song doesn't work. He doesn't know how to do it. Also, it sounds like they were trying to make it into a novelty song. Someone coming home from prison and hoping his wife will still want him is in very poor taste for a novelty song. This song somehow became about soldiers returning home. It's a really bad song for such a poignant and complex topic. It's a really bad song for anything.

Stevie Wonder – “You Are The Sunshine Of My Life” -- May 19, 1973

Stevie Wonder and his wife Syreeta Wright were in the process of breaking up when they recorded this love song together. They stayed in each other's lives until Syreeta passed away, though. Knowing that makes this song even more moving.

The Edgar Winter Group – “Frankenstein” -- May 26, 1973

How did a hard rock instrumental reach the top of the charts? The riff is pretty great, and some cool things are going on with the electric guitar. Hard rock instrumentals aren't my thing, though. But I think it's good, even if I don't want to listen to it.

Paul McCartney & Wings – “My Love” -- June 2, 1973

John and Paul both started producing lighter, slower songs after The Beatles broke up. I feel like George was keeping them grounded. Or I guess maybe Ringo -- who knows? This is tolerable, which is more than I normally say about too-light 70s love songs. Actually I think this is also a sex song. For the most soporific sex imaginable. Paul McCartney's bass playing was awesome when he was in The Beatles. I don't get why he didn't build songs around that after they broke up.

George Harrison – “Give Me Love (Give Me Peace On Earth)” -- June 30, 1973

Another spiritual song from George Harrison, but it's better than "My Sweet Lord" in multiple ways. First, the melody's not plagiarized. Second, it has forward motion. You can actually dance a little to it if you want. Third, there's a bit of anguish there. Spiritual songs are always better when they have the tang of pain to them. And Harrison's guitar is on point. Pretty good.

Billy Preston – “Will It Go Round In Circles” -- July 7, 1973

The last two #1s were by ex-Beatles, and this one is by the man often called "the fifth Beatle." It's the best of these three by quite a ways. It sounds to me like it's about the creative process. A song with no melody, a dance with no steps. And the one I like the best: "I've got a story, ain't got no moral/ Let the bad guy win every once in a while." Sounds like his story's a lot farther along than the song and the dance.  The music is funky and soulful with a lot of different things going on, but without feeling overly crowded. Excellent.

Jim Croce – “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown” -- July 21, 1973

Leroy Brown is a big, mean man, and everyone's scared of him. Until he goes after the wrong woman and her husband kicks the everloving crap out of him. Being big and mean doesn't count for much if you're a dumbass. It's sort of a country/funk blend, and I like it.

Maureen McGovern – “The Morning After” -- August 4, 1973

Mneh. I know why this one became a big hit; it was the ballad attached to a hit disaster movie. The Poseidon Adventure, one of the biggest disaster movies. I don't get disaster movies either. This song is schmaltz.

Diana Ross – “Touch Me In The Morning” -- August 18, 1973

Diana Ross sure sang a lot of songs in which she was desperate for a man who didn't want her. This time, she promises to be content with having sex just one more time in the morning with a one-night stand. How low maintenance of her. It's slow. It's boring. It gives me the icks.

Stories – “Brother Louie” -- August 25, 1973

Louie is white. He falls in love with a black woman. When he takes her home to his parents, they explode. I think he probably chooses to stay with her, but the song isn't clear. There's the fetishizing "Danger, danger when you taste brown sugar" line. Interracial relationships were really dangerous then still, so that's something. But I don't like the music, I don't like the singing, that one line is really bad and so I can't like the song at all.

Marvin Gaye – “Let’s Get It On” -- September 8, 1973

After learning about Marvin Gaye's life, I am extremely torn about this song. Marvin Gaye's father was a horrible right-wing preacher who made him think sex was a wicked thing. This song is Gaye's celebration of shedding the guilt instilled in him, and finding how wonderful making love was. But I still can't like this song. It's too light for me. (Marvin Gaye's father ended up murdering him -- he was truly a horrific excuse for a human being -- but at least Gaye was mentally free before that.)

Helen Reddy – “Delta Dawn” -- September 15, 1973

Helen Reddy manages a lot more emotion in this song than she did in "I Am Woman." I get it; I prefer stories to polemics too. That doesn't mean I like this song. A story song should have more than two verses and a repetitive chorus. Also, I don't like stories where women go mad because men promise to marry them and then split. I'm looking at you, Charles Dickens. Everyone's got tropes that make them itch, and this is one of mine.

Grand Funk – “We’re An American Band” -- September 29, 1973

My family moved a lot, but I always spent summers with my Grandmother in her cottage near Flint. So Flint is more my hometown than anywhere else. I'm definitely cool with a band from Flint laying claim to the "American Band" label. That doesn't mean I like the song. It's about touring and drinking and groupies, and then it's about repeating the chorus about a hundred and twelve times. Yeah, the music rocks, but it's repetitive and bores me as much as any soft rock ballad ever could.

Cher – “Half-Breed” -- October 6, 1973

I have a lot to say about this song. Way too much. Therefore I'm going to say nothing, except that nothing changes overnight, and this song is a massive improvement over the previous decade's songs about Native Americans.

The Rolling Stones – “Angie” -- October 20, 1973

I liked when the Stones were nice in "Ruby Tuesday." I don't like it so much in this one. It's a step too far. He's singing about how he still loves "you", Angie, but it's time to break up, and I just can't hear it as anything but insincere, fair or not. I feel like he's got someone else waiting. I do like how Mick Jagger makes "Angie" sound like "Angel" when he sings though.

Gladys Knight & The Pips – “Midnight Train To Georgia” -- October 27, 1973

Diana Ross was jealous of Gladys Knight and the Pips, and undermined them at least once. I am not surprised. Gladys Knight is a better singer than Diana Ross, and who wouldn't want the Pips singing and dancing behind them? This song is about how the singer's boyfriend is leaving on a midnight train to Georgia because he couldn't make it as a star in L.A., and she's going with him. Good for them. I love this song.

Eddie Kendricks – “Keep On Truckin'” -- November 10, 1973

Right into falsetto from the start. Sigh. This is a disco song, and it's not technically about trucking, but there are a lot of truck metaphors in it. I find a lot of disco weirdly hard to dance to -- I can't locate the beat somehow. I can dance to The Alan Parsons Project but not the Bee Gees. This is one of those disco songs I have trouble with. So it doesn't work for me to listen to or to dance to, and it's falsetto. Not bad falsetto, but still falsetto the whole way through. I don't hate it but I don't want to hear it again either.

Ringo Starr – “Photograph” -- November 24, 1973

This song is about looking at photographs of someone and missing them. It sounds a bit like an early Beatles song. George Harrison helped Ringo write it, and some of Phil Spector's collaborators gave it the "wall of sound" treatment. The former is likely why it's got a good melody and some interesting musical touches; the latter is why it gives me a headache.

The Carpenters – “Top Of The World” -- December 1, 1973

The singer is newly in love with someone who loves her, and it makes her feel wonderful. Very straightforward, honest, and unembarrassed, and Karen Carpenter's voice is gorgeous as always. The hook is dangerous; this song is likely to be in my head for a few days. That's okay though, because I like it.

Charlie Rich – “The Most Beautiful Girl” -- December 15, 1973

This is a country song in which the singer realizes he just destroyed his life, and is desperate to salvage it. He's asking if you've seen "the most beautiful girl in the world," because he needs to find her to apologize for the things he said that drove her away. It's sad and sweet, but it doesn't make me feel an awful lot.

Jim Croce – “Time In A Bottle” -- December 29, 1973

When this song would come on the oldies station, my mother would yell "Gah!" and change the channel to anything else. Her graduating class, very much to her chagrin, had decided it would be their song. (I don't remember what my graduating class's song was, but I remember some of us trying to get "I'm Too Sexy" to win and failing. I think we ended up being saddled with "I've Got Friends in Low Places.") In any case, I was prejudiced against this song before I heard it the whole way through. Jim Croce died young in a plane crash, so that is very sad. My reaction to this song is still the same as my mother's. It's glop.

BEST OF 1973 -- "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder WORST OF 1973 -- "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" by Vicki Lawrence

[shemakesmusic-uk]

INTERVIEW: Girl Friday.

LA band Girl Friday's debut full-length Androgynous Mary will be out August 21 via Hardly Art.

Burning deep in Girl Friday's music is an unquenchable will to survive. The LA-based band don't blunt the impact of the themes they work through in their ferocious, knotty rock songs, but they don't let the more harrowing aspects of being alive and young in the 21st century daunt them, either. Taking full advantage of the dystopian shades of post-punk and noise rock palettes on their arresting debut LP, Androgynous Mary, Girl Friday nevertheless suffuse their music with abundant optimism. The world is a hellscape, but the four of them are in it together.

With bold, dramatic guitar lines and tightly wound vocal harmonies, Girl Friday negotiate the stress and alienation that comes with being sidelined from normative society on Androgynous Mary. 

We had a chat with the band all about Androgynous Mary, the music industry and much more. Read the interview below.

Hi! How are you? How have you been spending your time during this pandemic? How has it affected you as a band?

Libby: "Hello! How are YOU? These days, generally diving into some long forgotten projects. I have been chipping away some music that may or may not ever emerge into the world."

Virginia: "I’ve been able to give some more time to working with other bands and collaborators which has been really nice.  Outside of that, just using this time to reflect and learn."

Sierra: "Welcome to this interview. I am stocking up on metaphysical paraphernalia in the hopes that the spirits in my house will finally relent and participate in my long-awaited masquerade ball."

Vera: "Initially I was making tunes and learning Spanish and hanging with my family - now I’m always working but for the teachers union here in NZ so some important work and there is lots to learn."

You are gearing up to release your debut album Androgynous Mary in August. What can you tell us about the record?

Virginia: "In the words of the late Steve Irwin, “She’s a beauty!”  I think we’re all very proud of dear Mary."

Sierra: "Mary likes to explore the entire emotional world at her disposal and say whatever she wants about it."

What were your musical influences for the LP? Who were you listening to around the time of writing it?

Libby: "The movie Hole."

Virginia: "Definitely second Hole.  Pretty sure I had also started descending into my first Cheap Queen deep dive at the time." 

Sierra: "I was photosynthesizing in a Placebo hole that I have yet to claw myself out of. And also a lot of Blaenavon. Every answer must include the word “hole.”"

Vera: "Holy moly mother Mary, literally holes what we dug and sat in."

Please talk us through your songwriting/creative process for Androgynous Mary.

Sierra: "On the third try, we successfully meet in the center of a dark room, under the disco ball. We scream in anguish into assorted jars and shake them violently until we can’t deny the brilliance of the sound contained therein."

What do you hope fans/listeners will take from the album?

Vera: "I just want people to be weird and feel ok about that."

Virginia: "I hope it’s as satisfying as eating a home cooked meal with your chosen family."

Sierra: "I hope they can listen to it on repeat for an extended period of time and feel like they are being held by a loving entity who is just as confused as they are."

Libby: "I hope they like me."

Were there any other songs written during this period that didn’t make it onto the album, and if so, will you revisit them again in the future?

Virginia: "Wouldn’t you like to know..."

Sierra: "We have a staggering and comical number of voice memos that, and I promise you will thank us for this, will likely never emerge from their technological encasings."

Libby: "Nah."

Which new artists/bands are you listening to right now? Anyone you think we should be checking out?

Libby: "Kills Birds, Ulrika Spacek."

Virginia: "Mod Pods, Suzie True, Cry Babe, Hot Moms, Genevieve Artadi."

Sierra: "Hayley Williams’s Petals for Armor. And my brother is about to release an album with our friend Brian that he’s put so much love and work into, and the entire universe needs to hear it! It’s called Silo by The Altogether. (Disclaimer: I am on it, but I can assure you I’ve contributed very little to its perfection)."

Vera: "At the moment I can only listen to this one album by Brian Eno and John Cale, Jesus is King by Kanye, Gracie Fields and Nina Simone."

If there was one thing you could change about the music world today, what would it be?

Libby: "More Trans A&Rs. More Black A&Rs, More POC A&Rs. More accountability in safe spaces."

Virginia: "More safe music venues open to minors!"

Sierra: "Fair pay for artists too."

Vera: "Agreed with all. And yes we really need the unionization of musicians and artists and understanding our value in society. Because it is labor and the fact we ‘love to do it’ is really exploited. Going off Libby's point, I think we need to acknowledge the major influence that music created and invented by BIPOC has had and continues to have in genres (including rock) where the main profiteers today are white men. We got to dismantle that."

What challenges, if any, have you faced in the music industry? And how did you overcome them?

Sierra: "We’ve been really lucky overall in terms of the people we’ve worked with, but we have gotten some not-so-sexy commentary from people assuming our genders and what that means about the music we’re able to make. We rename them all “Chris,” quietly hex them, and move on with our lives."

Finally, what do you have planned for when we're back to some sort of normality? I expect you're excited to get out on the road to tour the album following its release and when it is safe to do so?

Sierra: "You are absolutely right about that. Other than fantasizing about future tours, I’m taking it one day at a time."

Vera: "I don’t think there is a return to ‘normalcy’, but honestly if normalcy is Trumps America with a complacent public where cops intimidate and murder and money takes precedent over life, I don’t want to go back to that anyway. Let’s keep pushing forward."

Androgynous Mary is out August 21.

Photo credit: Al Kalyk

[curlyhairallday]

Bump and Dumps -Part Two

Here is part two hope you like it.

Hattie had quickly realised after jumping in her yellow vw beetle on her escape from Harry their memories together were so ingrained into her life there was no way to forget him even temporarily. Even her car which she had nicknamed sunny was a constant reminder of him, he had gifted her the car as a graduation present when she’d finished university. It had been her dream car since she could remember the old fashioned Beetle was such an iconic car in her eye and she had been blown away that her best friend had given her such an amazing gift. Her and Harry had also made many memories on the back seat of her car. As she began driving down the M25 she began to panic Hattie left everything in her life to chance she trusted in the universe to lead her the correct way. I mean why wouldn’t she trust it, for it was chance that had led her to Harry originally but right now as she was driving down the M25 she realised she had removed chance. For the first time in her life she had taken a decision into her own hands.

She took a deep breath as she neared her child home in a small countryside village on the outside of London. It was no ideal for her to commute to work but it would be a temporary solution to a massive problem. The next issue was explaining the situation to her parents as she pulled up outside her little home in the middle of nowhere she felt completely broken she had not lived at home since she had left for uni at 18. She grabbed Muffin and her handbag deciding to get the rest of her limited possessions tomorrow. Muffin stirred and began to meow in confusion she had only ever been but in her cat box for the short tube journey to the vets. Hattie quickly unlocked her parents door luckily she still possessed her key. She knew her mum would be in bed but her Dad would luckily be asleep on the sofa with a random documentry in the background.

She was right she saw her Dad snoring away on the sofa she put her bags and muffin down and cuddled up to her Dad.

“Claire?” her dad questioned groggily opening his eyes.

“Hattie? Wait what are you doing here.” he sat up starring up at his daughter confusion flooding his face.

“Missed you.” she sighed snuggling further into her Dad who quickly recipriocated.

After ten minuted of her and her father hugging in silence he spoke.

“Come on then lets get to bed.” Hattie grabbed muffin and her bag following her Dad upstairs to her small childhood bedroom which unfortunately still possessed poster of the one and only Harry Styles.

“Night Dad, I love you.”

“I love you too Harriet, we will discuss everything tomorrow ok?” she quickly nodding knowing her father knew something was wrong. I mean it was kind of obvious when his almost 24 year old daughter turned up at home at 11:30 at night.

She closed her door and let Muffin out her carrier, she decided that she should probably turn on her phone and alert Harry to her taking Muffin as she had forgotten to mention it and was worried he had not noticed the carrier as she had left. Immediately as her phone turned on it sprang to life 60 messages and 34 missed calls.

21 Missed Calls from Harold

4 Missed Calls from Gem

1 Missed Call from Jeffo

2 Missed Calls from Em

6 Missed Calls from Mitch

Her texts were no better, although a few were from work about a hearing on Monday and new elements to the case she was helping represent the majority were from Harry. Emily had messaged to say she knew I had told Harry and hoped I was alright and that I was welcome to my old room as she had never gotten a new housemate after I had moved out mainly as she had never needed one in the first place and Hattie knew the offer although it was genuine was from a place of pity. She began to read through Harry’s messages.

Please come back Hat, I didn’t mean to make you feel this way.

Can you let me know you are alright and safe please.

Hattie.

This isn’t fair you didn’t give me a chance to explain. It’s my baby too Hattie.

I am sorry baby.

Please come home, I love you.

Hattie I will give you tonight but tomorrow we are talking about this I won’t let you go.

The messages continued going between desperation, declarations of love and anger which was immediately followed by an apology. Although, Harry had a temper he always realised when it had revealed its ugly head and rein it back straight away. Muffin came and curled up on her chest as she began to sob the little fur ball was very comforting and always seem to know when Hattie was down.

Gemma had also messaged her offering a place to stay for a little break and had briefly even mentioned a congratulations on the baby and her excitement to have Hattie around forever. She knew Harry would confide in Gemma and although she and Gemma were friends she knew Harry was her first priority and she was glad that he had her.

Jeff had asked her to call him back or Harry and had even joked that there was little he could do with a emotionally broken rock star.

She kept reading Harry’s messages over and over finding comfort in his words but she knew she couldn’t do anything until she was no longer confused about him, her future and of course the baby. She sent Harry a quick message.

I am safe. Muffin is with me. I will call you sometime next week.

Harry was on the phone to Gemma when he saw her text he let out a sigh of relief, one because he thought that he had accidentally let Muffin out when he had gone to see if Hattie had truly gone and he knew how much that cat meant to her if he lost Muffin he may as well give up on ever speaking to her again. Although part of him had secretly hoped the cat had escaped so he could demand her to come back and search for her. Secondly, because he knew she was safe which was an absolute priority for him always had been thats why inside the house they had military level security cameras. He also installed the cameras so no matter where he was he could check she was safe he would also check she was up in the morning for work so he’d know if she was sick or running late which was something Hattie hated. He could also check she was safe home from work.

Over the three years he had tried to find a suitable match he had tried to set Hattie free he knew she couldn’t stand fame, the press or attention that's why he had always refused her to be his girlfriend. He knew he had been selfish to make her move in with him but at the time he had reasoned with himself that it was in her best interest but he knew its because he needed her. Every girl had not compared to her Camille was hopeful but she didn’t have the determination, wonder and compassion Hattie possessed. When she had first said she was pregnant he was so happy it meant that as Hattie would say the universe had confirmed he could have her. It no longer seemed like a selfish action to him, he hadn’t realised how rejected Hattie felt as soon as he realised when he was with Camille that Hattie had started to look for places elsewhere he had ended it immediately. This is what was leading to him getting into him car at 3am to drive an hour and a half to his love.

He panicked during the drive what if she rejected him? What if she doesn’t want the baby? He had fallen in love with the idea of a tiny human half him and half Hattie since the moment he met her. He was going to prove to her he did love him he did want her and he was no longer selfish he would even give up touring his second album for her and the baby if she needed him too. He’d give up everything if it meant he could have her because after three years of her he realised he couldn’t deal without her as cliche as it sounded.

Harry knocked on her door he was unsure what welcome he would get as not only was it 4:30am but he had also knocked up their daughter and caused her to leave in the middle of the night. He knew that if it was his daughter this had happened to he would knock out the guy.

“Hello Harry I expected you to not be far behind.” Hattie’s dad Simon spoke well Harry took the fact he didn’t seem angry as a good sign. Maybe Hattie had not disclosed the situation to her parents.

“Hello Simon, I am sorry it is so early.” Harry shook Simon hand and followed him into the little home. He had always loved coming here mainly due to the pictures of a small Hattie coating every wall. Also the smell of vanilla and cinnamon smell which was very closely linked to Hattie she made their own home possess the same smell.

“So why don’t you tell me what is going on? Hattie didn’t seem up to discussing things but seeing as it is just us men tell me why I should not make you leave right now. As it is obvious you have hurt my daughter.”

“Hattie is pregnant.”

Simon rose quickly from his seat his face turning red with anger.

“Tell me right now you did not tell her to get rid of my grandchild.”

“No no I would never there is nothing I want more.” Harry defended himself quickly imagining the chubby little baby a similar one to the photo of Hattie on the wall with chunky little fat rolls and a cheeky smile.

“I think she is confused. She doesn’t think what we have is enough.”

“What do you have?” Harry knew he had to tread carefully even though Hattie was a liberal spirit especially before she met Harry. He had told him stories of her losing her virginity at 4am with her next door neighbour a boy three years older than her at just 15 under the apple tree in her garden. Although, He knew her parents were very traditional every time he had stayed here they would be put in separate room as he would sneak in at 2am to hers.

“It is confusing but I love her. I really do please I need to make her understand. I want her I want the baby I would marry her tomorrow if that’s what she needs.”

“Hold on a second there. I think you should walk before you can run son.”

Hattie sat hidden on the stairs listening to there conversation sadly though she knew he was only panicke due to her leaving and maybe he was fearful she would hide the baby from him. She knew he didn’t mean those things because if he did, he wouldn’t have waited three years to realise.

Hope you enjoy Part 2. Let me know if you have any questions or want a part three. Also does everyone love Hattie as much as me wish I was her. T x