#to be clear when I say valid
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I know I describe myself as this a lot, but I feel like my autism and non-religious upbringing combined to make me the most edgy Reddit atheist possible in terms of my beliefs, just because itās always been mildly confusing to me that the proposition of not believing in anything that cannot be reliably physically proven to exist is the radical and controversial one instead of the obviously correct position to take and people get mad at you when you donāt automatically treat believing in unfalsifiable things as equally valid.
I intellectually understand why thatās not the case due to the long and storied history of religion spanning far longer periods of history than science ever has, but it still feels emotionally to me like the scientific method should have replaced religion as it became obvious that most religious texts make objectively false statements about how the world works and that science could explain things about the world in a more accurate manner.
I obviously understand why thatās not the case, but it still feels like it should be true that now that we understand more objectively how the world works that not believing in things that science canāt prove should be the standard way of thinking about things and not the radical position of the ostracized from society.
#religion#atheism#sorry but I am an edgy Reddit atheist#discourse#to be clear when I say valid#i mean ātrueā#its obviously ethically valid to believe in whatever you want lmao itās not evil to believe false things#but itās treated as rude or somehow missing the point to point out that often religion makes objectively false claims about reality#I think itās valid to believe in things that arenāt true#but it shouldnāt be invalid to only believe in things that can be proven#or to acknowledge objective facts about our reality#i understand itās because religions often are oppressed for their beliefs and thatās obviously wrong because people shouldnāt be oppressed#but that doesnāt mean theyāre actually right about the nature of reality as we know it#it just means they deserve to have their beliefs regardless if theyāre true or not#and I know for many religions itās not about whether the beliefs are true but the community formed around the rituals#but I do in fact think it matters whether something is true or not actually#and the rituals and community could exist without saying anything about the fundamental nature of reality#i do in fact think that humanity has outgrown the need for stories about that#because weāve reached a point where we can start uncovering the answers ourselves#my posts
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Mild criticism of how a character is written isn't shitting on an entire production
But honestly I'm ok with LFJ not going back to the show unless it's just for one HEA finale moment because why would anyone wanna return to where they get constant death threats and bullying just for saying some lines written for them?
#lou ferrigno jr#tommy kinard#911 critical#I'm hissing at everyone who says he was unprofessional about the critique#it was entirely valid criticism#when you look at the ENTIRE SEASON so far#it's clear there's no real direction or plan#so he is correct about it#and given how sudden he was written off the show#obv he'd be dissatisfied with it#a look at the GA's response echoes this#so yeah#y'all wanna criticize him so bad you would rather blind yourself to the faults of the show#i am not married to the show#and i will say that right now it sucks
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he's so important to me
#i guess i need to watch the anime but super's manga has just been a self-indulgent fever dream for me from start to finish#100000/10 absolutely perfect so validating so extremely catered to my tastes and headcanons and analyses and humor#so fucking funny and emotional and intense and goofy and beautifully drawn#my beautiful son getting to finally fucking see his HARD won character growth fucking shine and choose love and choose to be loved!!!!!!#Goku just being Goku Vegeta being Team Dad Piccolo being Team Grandpa Bulma being a fucking superstar keeping everybody organized and fed#god i love this squad i love this series i love these dumbasses and their struggles and their triumphs and their stupid childish bonding#I love that Toriyama just spent the last several years reminding the class that DB as a whole has always been an ACTION-COMEDY about LOVE#and I'm SO sad that the z anime really never did it justice in that sense because of having to fill time with dramatic tension but god. GOD#THE MANGA HAS ALWAYS BEEN SO CLEAR ON THAT THESIS.#Just all about Restorative Justice and Community and CARING even when you wish SO MUCH that you didn't care but yoU DO GODDAMMIT!!!#SUCH a great series I'm so sad it took losing mr t for me to finally read it but my god I needed to read it now and I'm so glad he wrote it#and i'm SO glad he wrote it Exactly Like This#once again rip to a legend i'm caught up and crying it's so perfect it's SO everything I've wanted to see onscreen and embedded in canon#and canon isn't everything but it still feels gREAT to be SO 1:1 on the same page with an author re: how you interpret your blorbo yknow???#been rotating this man in my head for 25 years and Mr Toriyama just mWAH kissed me on the forehead about it#anyway enough tag rambles I'm off again aklsjla#bonus for that kenpachi shit and letting him say 'sorry dude I can't be cold and numb anymore but this is still cathartic as fuck lol' like#mr t i hope you see the HIGHEST tier of heaven for that (and obviously for like everything all of it the whole life you led)#dbtag
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something that pisses me off in RA is that Flanagan will occasionally hype up Pauline as this super important and prominent figure in Willās life, even treat her as a proxy for the mother he never knew, and yet will just refuse to show it beyond the like. two or three (personal) conversations that they have in canon. I get that he was attempting to make her an important person in Willās life but why not do that by actually making her an important person in Willās life
#hey Flanagan I hate to tell u but just because sheās married to Willās father figure does not automatically make her his mom figure#what REALLY annoys me is how easy it would have been for him to connect her & will#like hey. if only there were a pretty clear gap in Willās education that halt couldnāt fulfill - say for example mmmm diplomacy?#(ācause we all know how gifted halt is at conflict resolution)#then heād have a valid reason to seek out a master of diplomacy for lessons in negotiating compromises & treaties#but no I guess not. Willās just naturally good at diplomacy despite never really being exposed to it#yk what extra sucks?#if Pauline HAD taught will about treaties & stuff then him receiving the last name treaty wouldve been 1000x more meaningful#it wouldāve spoken to her influence on him and solidified her as a sort of parental figure in her own right#AND as an extra extra bonus: if she came to the cabin to teach will about negotiation tactics and such#then we couldāve gotten more halt/Pauline interactions. as in: we couldāve actually seen them being in love ON SCREEN instead of just being#told that they loved each other#will couldāve had a chance to see how much the two of them mean to each other. and then he wouldāve had some actual basis for a speech#at their wedding or whatever#but yeah no why do that when we can just imply that will & Pauline got super close off screen? same effect right?????#rangerās apprentice#pauline dulacy#halt oācarrick#will treaty#I love these books so so much donāt get me wrong. but there are just some thingsā¦ā¦#anyway.#jackie rambles
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naruto antis: naruto fighting to gain the respect of the same village that was the source of his pain is annoyingly bootlicking behaviour, this level of desperation is beyond me
(as sasuke stans, one of our biggest talking points is "it's actually not valid to hate on a character for reacting to their trauma in a way that displeases you")
#im gonna hold your hand when i say this...the jokes are writing themselves#im afraid you've missed the mark on this one guys#the hypocrisy š#ive seen takes like this so many times and i always giggle because?#aren't we? supposed to be preaching an entirely different message over here#??#there are definitely valid criticisms to be made but. im afraid this one ain't the slay you might think it is guys#after this behemoth of a meta im writing is done (it's 8k. so far.) im gonna write the lengthiest post on nart uzumaki i swear it#naruto uzumaki#pro naruto uzumaki#pro sasuke uchiha#<-if it's not clear already we are VERY pro sas in this household#these particular sasuke stans have the best political takes and i agree with them on everything#except their very uncharitable interpretation of naruto and his relationship with sas#sns#cuz everything is about them i fear
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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I am sorry but why even post in the bnha critical tags when you don't even dish out criticsm but just go "uuuh this character is ugly". No we wont give you attention we are here to read critical analysis
#bnha critical#i am sorry but. uuuugh.#there is a clear difference in talking about how you think bakugou/endeavor's characters have been mishandled (valid!)#and just saying 'haha they suck amirite isnt horikoshi a bad writer for just including them' thats kinda pathetic honestly#and like yadda yadda this is still a teen's show so the age demographic of its fans isnt very tall but like... i met 14 yos#who acted more mature than this when criticizing something they disliked lol
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sometimes i think, in marginalized communities (maybe especially disability communities) people fall into a trap of viewing things as... not exactly a competition, but resenting others who are also suffering because they are suffering less, or suffering differently
and that experience itself is very common to have happen, and nothing is wrong about feeling that way! we can all be a little mean and petty in private sometimes as a treat
i think though it causes problems when people take that feeling and extrapolate it out to "and therefore the other people aren't really suffering at all"/"and therefore the other people shouldn't get to complain at all"
like, to me there is a big difference between "hey, you know you are relatively privileged in (not appearing visibly disabled/being nd but having been labelled gifted/being read as white or straight or cis/being trans but not transfem/etc. etc.)" - which is true and an important reminder!!
and "how dare you complain about the experiences you had with that version of being marginalized" or dismissing that there might be particular unique aspects of that aspect of being marginalized that make things difficult
like, i would never argue that as someone who is non-aligned nb and read as a cis woman, i am MORE marginalized than a transfem person who doesn't "pass". but i would say it is reasonable for me to point out frustrations and hardships about that position - both those we have in common (e.g. people equating sex and gender) and those that are unique to my situation (feeling invisibilized by binarist phrasing/thinking, frustration with knowing that even if i had infinite money and resources i could never be read by default as my real gender, etc.)
#disability#trans issues#transgender#social justice#ask to tag#i think sometimes this is what people mean when they say 'valid' - e.g. your issues are real and your frustration is too#but that word has become very diluted to the point of unclear meaning#this is related to but separate from conflicting needs imo#to be clear i am ALSO not saying the thing i am asking people to do less of (the second thing) is the same as -#expressing frustration/anger that a certain subtype of marginalization is represented more/given more resources/etc.#that falls under the relative privilege thing imo#okay last tangent. sometimes also it is not clear that one experience is linearly MORE or LESS privileged#sometimes it is! but not always. like i think it is needlessly pitting people against each other to say e.g. that physical disabilities -#are ALWAYS more life-affecting/disprivileging/what have you than mental/cognitive/emotional disabilities. or vice versa#and in general i think it is often to think in terms of individual specifics or particular experiences. what experiences do i not have etc#this was long and rambling#sage wisdom
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not to be a milennial butĀ harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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me: everyone's opinions about fictional characters are valid, because at the end of the day these are fictional characters and people are going to react to them differently. and so-
someone: [talking about how annoying they think gale is and how much of a chore his storyline is to complete]
me:
me, shaking a little: *everyone's opinions about fictional characters are valid, everyone's opinions about fictional characters are v
#multi makes text posts#TO BE CLEAR. THIS IS ME BEING SILLY#i am not upset#i'm just like. wow. how does it feel to be so fundamentally incorrect. bye.#everyone's opinions are valid even when they're wrong <3#also this is also how i feel about people saying wyll is uninteresting or mischaracterizing him#biting u biting u biting u biting u#bg3#setting to do not rb for my own peace of mind#edit: AND LAE'ZEL TOO. SHE ALSO GETS THIS TREATMENT. Y'ALL SHUT UP
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okay but lets be very serious here right now, when they release a statement what exactly is that gonna change? don admitted to him and lex having intercourse (which shows that he coerced her) and matt and ryans texts show that the situation was handled VERY poorly. an apology isnt enough for the trauma they both have caused
#cuz you know its bad when even the subreddit is on their ass theyāre usually dickriding m and r anytime someone makes valid criticism#theyve been let off the hook too many times a line needs to be drawn and this needs to be it#im sorry but sa is not something you can simply look past especially when they have a history of brushing serious shit off#what is there to even hold onto for them its not like theyre dropping bangers like they used to#theyre in drama every other month i know thats the appeal to some of yall but when things get this serious it shouldnt be hard to drop them#especially when they have piles of evidence lined up against them showing that they only really care about their channel and their image lol#yes im still talking shit because im very disappointed#also saying quote unquote check up on the big fan accs theyre going through it is very weird lol. we should be checking up on the victims#anyways the bad publicity will probably make them lose sponsorships and yall know the podcast was one of the only things holding them-#together financially LOL#worst part is matt and ryan have people relying on them to get paid.. their company is about to go to shit all bc they have no backbone#jacksons comeback post is gonna be a pic of matt watson flipping burgers at chickfila in a year or 2#yeah yeah this is my last post about it for now until one of them says something i just needed to get these thoughts out there#rest in piss supermega your actions actually do have consequences and its clear theyre not used to being put on the spot like this#theyre used to people letting everything slide i know theyre all screaming and crying right now š
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i wanted to make a post about a thing but the more i think about it the more i want to say and it's just going to end up being a big ramble essay, so instead i'll just give the thesis statement, thusly:
as the #1 Ratgrinders Apologist (self-appointed), of course they're the final boss fight to the death. i expected nothing less and the people trying to make discourse about it are ignoring the entire context of this being a Dungeons and Dragons game
#they're not playing 'discuss our traumas and and try to help strangers grow: the game'#they're playing 'murder people for getting in our way: the game'#which i know is now me being snubbing about D&D as a game but like. siobhan said it: theyve committed SO much murder#did the lunch lady in episode 2 deserve to be murdered? did the skater dwarves deserved to be murdered?#did the monsters the school sicced on the kids in their Last Stand deserve to be slaughtered like that??#its literally the name of the game!#the two things that are turning this into a bigger essay are 1) me being actually very disappointed in Burrow's End with how the players#just did not want at all to engage with the moral greyness aabria was trying to bring into the story#it was clear that was a direction she wanted to explore and i wanted to see it explored#but even OUT of characters the cast just would NOT engage or acknowledge the validity of that direction#and there was only so much aabria could do without being labeled a killjoy... because D&D often ISN'T a game for reckoning with#the justification of your character's actions! its a game for killing giant bears and saving the town from cultists!!#baked into the foundation of the game conceit is 'you are the hero and you are saving the day ergo your actions are Right and Just'#thing 2) i just listened to that WWW fireside the other day where brennan goes on about how combat does not get in the way#of story in dnd. that whole stove metaphor? and it rankled me so much lol because like aabria finally says after that:#yeah you bring your own food to the stove but when what you've got is a stove. the food you make is GOING to get cooked#combat and fighting and killing is baked into the system from its foundation. acting like D&D or even just d20 (the system)#is a resolution engine that also allows fighting and not a fighting engine that also allows other skills is. wishful thinking i think#and to bring this back to the POINT: of COURSE they're going to kill the rat grinders! because it's fun!#because thats how you resolve conflict in a combat game! straight up i honestly believe a lengthy conversation trying to win the kids over#would have been a weird energy to end the season on! it would have been a let down!#it would have been a huge tonal shift. because the tone you bring to a D&D game is 'killing this is fine actually'#and if you dont like that you /dont/ play D&D. its not a value judgment#i LOVE getting into moral implications and justifications and ive gotta tone it down when i run D&D games because it can kill the vibe#anyway. i said i wasnt going to write the whole essay and im not. but i did write most of the rant oops
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can we talk about the meepās pronouns moment in the star beast again? i want to talk about the way itās set up. in any other show, this would have been a joke. it would have been, āoh, look at this trans person getting so up in arms about the doctor assuming this alienās pronouns. isnāt that an insane thing to care about?ā and then that would be where it ended, the entire point being that asking for pronouns is ridiculous, that a trans person pointing it out is ridiculous, and we should be laughing at Rose for bringing it up.
but. itās not. Rose says, āYouāre assuming he as a pronoun?ā in a tone of voice that, to me, at least, reads as someone who has been in this situation many, many times before and been laughed at for caring. who has been the butt of that joke. who starts this dialogue off from a defensive position because every time before sheās ever asked in earnest, sheās been shut down.
and then the Doctor says, āTrue. Yes. Sorry. Good point. Are you he or she or they?ā The Doctor acknowledges Roseās point, apologizes for glossing over it, and makes an effort to ask. Hell, the moment is even used to set up the Doctor connecting to the Meep more like he will when the Meep mentions having two hearts; they both share ātheā as a pronoun as a pronoun.
(and Iām reading through the transcript right now to check, but as far as I can tell, yeah. The Doctor does then use āThe Meepā to refer to the Meep for the rest of the episode, not any other pronoun.)
Itās a very brief moment, but it feels intentionally made to invoke those jokes, to take them and say, āno, why would this be a joke, weāll take it seriously.ā Expectations subverted brilliantly. The Doctor says trans rights.
#itās a good moment! this episode is not perfect by any means. esp the bit at the end where we go from āwell the doctor is male and female#neither and more.ā to āa male-presenting doctor would Not get this :/ā like. okay.#but i think thereās a genuine effort here thatās lovely and earnest. a fumble or two is acceptable in an attempt to do good you know?#but yeah this moment is a very good short little moment and i love it and i love rose noble#i love how quickly the doctor turns to her and takes her seriously. i love that her question is immediately validated. i love her.#also i dont know when else ill get to talk about this but i love that ātheā is canonically one of the doctorās pronouns.#ive seen some people say āwell why do they put that line in and people keep calling the doctor āheā?ā and i think like. because he uses more#than just the one? i really dont think the doctor would just sit down and shut up if she was really upset about being misgendered. have u#seen her. 90% of her character is talking. he would make it known immediately.#it just seemed clear to me that this was the doctor acknowledging that they use more than the usual set. and thatās why im petition for#xe/xem doctor in the next season-#(orā¦. or it/its doctorā¦ā¦ā¦.. ouguh š„ŗ)#anyway point is that the doctor has many a pronoun and one of them is just āthe doctorā.#doctor who#rose noble#fourteenth doctor#the doctor
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i feel like i should start making more of an effort, when i talk about something in a piece of media being Upsetting to me, to distinguish between 'cathartic' upsetting and 'gave me psychic damage' upsetting. sometimes i mean OUGH OW MY FEELINGS THIS FUCKS ME UP IN A MEANINGFUL AND RESONANT WAY, MY LIFE IS ENRICHED FOR BECOMING AWARE OF IT and sometimes i mean that it is genuinely distressing and i want to shake the creators and ask what the fuck they were thinking
#whosebaby talks#blog policy#this goes double when it comes to pieces of media to which i have both reactions lmao#i worry sometimes that not being clear about it makes it come across as if i'm saying 'something containing upsetting subject matter is Bad#when in fact a lot of upsetting subject matter is critical to depict; diversely so and often#and i am fiercely protective of the rep that resonates with me#which a lot of people are extremely quick to label as A Disrespectful Depiction absolutely no matter how it's done bc they want it erased#and use 'well it's only valid if it's done *respectfully*' as the Shirley Exception; with no intention of ever letting one be Allowed#but in spite of that there *are* absolutely fucking horrible and incredibly disrespectful ways for Upsetting Subject Matter to be depicted#and that deserves well-informed discussion and criticism; starting from an understanding of the actual purposes of fiction#and what infrastructure and language and framing and technique is used to achieve those purposes#and sometimes the purposes of a particular use are fucking awful! and executed in ways designed to cause real damage + get away with it!#so when i'm talking about something being Upsetting in the psychic damage sense; i'm referring to that#and the fact that not only is it infuriating and upsetting to witness that process in action#it amplifies the already deeply emotionally loaded subject matter; which may already require selfcare to engage with even when cathartic#and then yanks away the catharsis and just leaves you blasted in the face by uncushioned unvarnished Oh Right This Horrible Thing Exists#Thanks for Shoving My Face Straight into Boiling Acid Asshole#anyway complicated feelings about it but yeah i feel like i should try to be clearer lmao#(this isn't just about depictions of SA; and abuse in the sense most people think of first when they hear the word)#(although it comes up in that context often)#(see: Big Screan at pretty much everything with the talking animals in sd/mi but especially the fucking asylum lmao)
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if an artist says their turnaround time is usually a week and that they should be done with your specific commission by the end of the week, then goes nearly three weeks without saying something, is it OK to ask them for an update on your commission? I'm a bit torn on whether I should wait a whole month
#as someone who takes comms myself if i were me i would have sent an update after being unable to finish it within my turnaround time#just to be like hey heres what ive got so far sorry that this isnt the turnaround time i said it would be in my comms listing#but also im NOT them so š¤· idk. literally anything could have happened and maybe they cant even use their phone right now#i dont wanna send them an email (even the very politely worded one ive been drafting) bc i dont want to be rude like at all#but also this person didnt get back to me for over a month when i first reached out to commission them so#im starting to see that for the red flag it was#and not like. a sign that they just have so many commissions to do. because it doesnt take long to send an email that says#'sorry im a bit too busy with other comms right now to take yours/work on yours'#i wouldnt have been mad. i would have either waited to comm them or taken my business elsewhere#i also wanna be clear i dont mind long turnarund times ive waited literal months for a comm with no complaints#its just the fact that they promised to finished it (completely unprompted) and then havent... said ANYTHING for WEEKS that seems sus to me#its crossed my mind i may have been scammed since they havent shown me anything more than a sketch#edit: part of the im really regretting comming them is because ive already waited a month to even like finish the TAKING my comm process#since they randomly didnt email me back for weeks right as we were finalizing the details#like i waited a LONG time to even be like 'are you still taking my comm?' bc in my head i was like#'they must have other comms that they havent mentioned (totally valid btw) if i wait the queue will be clear'#and then... yea idk i just dont think that was the case if their turnaround time is actually a week#which is a really short turnaround time anyway imo theyre making it too hard on themself#(funnily enough i have the same turnaround time which is why i know it can be challenging to do it in a week but its also completely doable)#anyway back to the fact i probably got scammed. their 'sketch' though i didnt wamna say it looked VERY much like#they just traced my concept sketch#which š°
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i just donāt understand. why say ur ready to talk if you arenāt?
can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit
#vaugepostimg on main about an irl donāt mind me#i just. am feeling sad bcus i have been trying to keep my distance and respect the space they said they needed. and then they reached out to#me for their book club and said we should chat and i got excited! i miss my friend of course i got excited#still let them take the lead. i want them to be comfortable. they said theyād lmk what day they were free#and then proceeded to ghost me for like. almost two weeks??#(āit was 10 days but !!! still!!! almost 2 weeks from them suggesting i come to book club which wouldāve inherently necessitated an irl talk#and then after all that yesterday said they actually werenāt ready which. hurted#tbf i knew something was up after like 2 days of them not replying so itās not like i was fully caught off guard it just really hurt#and like i feel weird bcus our social circles are really overlapped and i spent a lot of time with them last winter and i had thought#that would happen again this winter. we would swim together a lot and i consistently went to their house dinners#bcus if i care about you i show up! and iām understanding ! bcus i am patient and kind person and as a triple taurus iām not tryna rush ever#especially when it comes to peopleās emotions ??? especially if someone has told me i hurt them???? like ik im an autistic lesbian but#despite popular conceptions on that particular identity. im not fucking evil ????? if you ask for space i will give you space !!!!!#and like when it comes to emotions and conflict iām blunt but iām caring and it takes a lot for me to be disinfranchised by people#or relationships. so iām not saying i donāt want to still be her friend#iām just. noticing behaviors#they did tell me that they were very avoidant in conflict and i told them iām very much not and like. now that iām on the receiving end of i#idk what to do!! iām not gonna chase her down like theyāre grown!! and again!!! if you ask for space iām going to respect that!!!#and like honestly. iām happy she at least gave me the curtesy of saying they werenāt ready to talk even if it took her mad long to do it#so like. who tf knows when weāll talk. if ever. probably when she wants the validation of our friendship if it even happens at all#bcus again. she reached out not to reconnect and clear the air but to check if i still wanted to come to her club she was starting#ik in earlier conversations she was worried no one would come but ig she found people. which like good for her tbh but to be honest i feel#discarded?? iām feeling like iām failing to not project too much so i gotta stop but idk man iām just feeling weird about it all#and then i had the thought today of like. is this what i want in a friendship? someone who goes back and forth abt whether or not iām worth#which again. kinda wasnāt expecting that bcus we spent so much time together last autumn/winter/spring like. many times per week!!!#so the idea of not being her friend all of a sudden?? feels fucjing weird to think about#but like? i donāt want to feel this way this is what i hate about west coast/white people conflict resolution!! there fucking isnāt any!!!#and i canāt deal with that! i canāt spend my life with people who arenāt going to engage with me as a person who cares about them#humans are fallible creatures and were only here on earth for so long so why are we wasting time here? what is the point of all this ???????#but then the guilt and shame say i deserve it all and at that point i just need to stop so. iām gonna stop now lol
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