#to be clear though I’m the one banning myself

[horsemage]

Banned from the club email account and interclub meetings due to my inability to contain my disgust toward another club’s leader

[imaginesmai]

Right around the corner (3) - Azriel

LISTEN I CAN EXPLAIN if you've been here for a while now, you can expect this part. If not, may I present myself - hi, I'm Mai and I'm an angst queen bitch. Fourth part already on the way, don't worry!

(1), (2), (3), (4), (5)

Plot: the turth comes out, but in a way Azriel didn't expect.

Warnings: prepare tissues.

Azriel had taken his time to process the words, and in the meanwhile, he had received so many notes from his family that he had his hands full of small paper balls.

There were notes from Feyre updating him of the screaming match between Cassian and Rhysand, long texts from Mor promising him the house was a safe place for you and that he better hurry to bring you out. Even Amren had written a brief ‘I knew it, boy’ that had him more worried than before.

It wasn’t as if he didn’t want you to meet them. He loved his family like nothing else, and knew they would only be supportive and kind to his new status. Him being mated or not didn’t change the way they saw him, but part of him – the part that had felt rejection from his mother and his blood-family, was scared.

Azriel ended up sitting in the kitchen counter in front of you with a frown and a growing headache. Even though it was late and you had had a long day, you instantly noticed his mood.

“What’s wrong?”

It wasn’t unusual for Azriel to go quiet in your presence. You had learned by then that it didn’t mean you did something wrong. Most of the times, it was his insecurities popping up randomly in his mind, the troubles of the day dragging him away from you.

And through the years, you had learned that there was nothing else to do but to stay close to him and remind him that he was there. Right with you, and that you loved him.

Still, as you stared at him that night, you noticed it wasn’t the usual frown. He snuck glances at you and moved from the couch, where he was banned, to the kitchen. You left the bowl aside and stood in front of him, one arm extended so he could hold your hand.

“How do you know Feyre?” he asked, not taking your hand.

“Feyre as… the high lady?”

“Yeah. You greeted her the other day. You two know each other?”

“Guess so. She has her art study right in front of my bakery, haven’t you noticed?” you answered, not understanding the nature of the question. “When she moved in, I baked her a welcome to the neighborhood pie and she has actually painted two of the pictures I hang on the wall”

“Feyre painted pictures for you?” Azriel raised an eyebrow. “Are you two friends?”

“Well, not friends per say, but we know each other. That’s what usually happens when you work in front of someone else’s work” you shrugged, you open hand still empty. “Why?”

“I didn’t know you knew her”

“Should you know I know her? For any specific reason?”

“It would have been nice to know you know my high lady. My brother’s mate”

“Now you know. What’s with all this ‘you know I know’? Why does it matter?”

You didn’t understand why but there was an annoyed edge on his voice that you didn’t like. As a morning person, you usually went to bed early, and any minute past midnight was a minute you were supposed to be asleep. No matter how nice it was to spend time with Azriel and how good he had made you feel an hour ago, now you were annoyed.

The male stared at you, still not answering your silent call for his hand. One of his many shadows crossed the table and jumped at the chance of tangling between your fingers. That would have been enough to make you laugh any other day.

That night, you just stared at each other.

“Az, why are you so – “

“Because you should have told me, Y/N” he cut you off. “You know how important my family is to me, and I think it’s fair to ask that if you know any of them you should tell me. So I’m prepared for this”

“What’s this exactly? Late night discoveries about my neighbors?”

Azriel was quiet for a moment, frustration clear in his features. It was a stupid argument over a stupid situation, and Azriel being on his underwear and you only on his t-shirt without panties didn’t make it any less stupid. You rarely argued, and when you did, it was you who had the pointless argument and Azriel the calm one.

His shadows moved behind the couch and dumped in front of you a bunch of papers. They were all wrinkled and Azriel didn’t have time to hide them or think about how to approach the situation before a new one popped out of thin air. It landed next to your open hand, his shadow catching it and unfolding the content.

Does she eat cereal straight from the box? Is it why you’re hiding her?

You didn’t need to think hard to know it was talking about you, and who the note belonged to. In the past, Rhysand had sent notes to Azriel while you were having a shower together, in bed together, and one had even appeared inside your oven while he was helping you around.

“Feyre told them about you” Azriel explained, having read the note upside down. “And because I didn’t know you knew her, now they are deeply offended and want to meet you”

It took you a while to make sense to his words, because you couldn’t find the problem past you not telling him about Feyre. Quickly, you read some of the notes where Cassian threatened Azriel and Rhysand demanded his presence. They were friendly notes, no harm in them. Still, you couldn’t understand the utter sadness until you realized the meaning behind his annoyance.

Finally, you pulled your hand back to your side, not with little resistance from the shadow. You must have opened the bond channel because Azriel frowned, hit with sadness instead of the usual love.

The first note, where Rhysand explained that Feyre had told him, was what brought it all together.

“You haven’t told them you have a mate”

It occurred to you that you had believed it done with no proofs. You didn’t mind Azriel being at your house, living in your apartment. You didn’t mind having separate Starfall and lives. You didn’t mind either when he left for a family dinner and kissed you goodbye, because you understood his need of privacy, of having something that was just his.

What you didn’t understand until that moment that he hadn’t even told them you existed. And through all the reasons that ran to your mind at his silence, you couldn’t pick just one.

“It’s not that they don’t know me. They don’t know you’re mated”

“You agreed when I said I need to take things slowly. That I needed time” he blurted out suddenly, your sadness making space for his annoyance. “The bond was a surprise for me. I didn’t want to rush things”

“Azriel it’s been six years. Six! It’s not a casual fling or a one-night stand” you tried to voice your hurt, your sadness. “It’s not the same not meeting them that being a secret”

“It’s not like I keep you a secret. They haven’t asked and I haven’t – “

“Because you haven’t told them! What – How do you explain the days you spend here? And the… I – Azriel, we’ve been dating for six years and they haven’t asked?”

“They’re used to me sneaking around”

“For months?” you chuckled. “We were locked here for months after we mated. How did you explain that?”

His words were background noise because, above his absences, there was something you realized they should have noticed. Something anyone noticed from mated pairs as soon as they left the house. White noise filled your ears as he tried to excuse himself by talking about missions.

About your safety, about the worry of something happening to you if they discovered you were his mate.

Azriel blurred in front of you as realization hit you and tears filled your eyes. You could barely hold it together as you spoke.

“You’ve been hiding the mating bond” your breath hitched, because if there was something more important than your bakery, it was your bond. “They should have smelt it. But you’ve been hiding it”

“I didn’t hide it, please, don’t say it like that” his voice broke at the end, willing you to listen to him.

“Right. Because you can’t hide the bond from them unless you don’t accept it” you saw the moment your words hit him, the guilt in the way his shadows almost clouded your vision and his wings flared. “You didn’t accept the bond”

Azriel didn’t answer and, worse than any other betrayal or pain, it broke your heart. You remembered offering him the lemon pie, him tearing up and eating. Accepting the bond was an individual decision, one he should have made years ago – just like you did.

You still shared it; you still were mates. The only difference was that, while you proudly loved him and adored each part of his body and soul, he had rejected your smell on him, your imprint on his own.

An invisible hand cut off your air supply and your breath hitched. You covered your mouth with your hand and muffled the sob, but he felt the exact moment your heart broke. Even if he didn’t show it to the world, he could still feel you. Your feelings, your essence. His own eyes teared up and now he extended his hand forward.

A silent invitation, the same you had given him so many times when he was in need of comfort, of love.

But that time, you didn’t reach forward nor acknowledge the shadows that tried to pull you closer to him.

“Get out”

“Darling”

“Get out” you pointed a shaky finger towards the door.

“Y/N, please. It’s not what you’re thinking” he tried to explain, his voice broken by his sorrow. “I accepted the bond. I just – “

“Get the fuck out now!”

The bowl that you had been filling with lettuce, salmon and other vegetables flew from the desk to where he was standing. His shadows, by their own consciousness or his master’s, didn’t stop it as it crashed against his chest. It spilled all over his naked chest, and before he could clean it, there was another tray with grilled pork on your hand.

Azriel’s last look to you was of pure despair and sorrow. He winnowed away before the second tray could hit him, leaving you with his shadows already cleaning up the mess.

As soon as he was out of sight, you fell down to your knees and sobbed.

-

He didn’t have a plan, and when he winnowed away, the last thing on his mind was the sound of your heart breaking. There was no way he would go to his house and face his family, not when he wasn’t even sure what had happened in your apartment. Couldn’t start to comprehend the pain he had caused you and how much he hated himself for it.

So, without planning to, he ended up in the cabin.

The old wooden walls and ceiling greeted him, different from the ones he remembered from his past. Feyre had added drawings everywhere, there were clothes scattered around, and food that was still edible.

No matter how familiar the sight was, it offered him no comfort.

Azriel dragged his wings through the floor and sat on the couch. Propping his elbows on his knees, he hid his face as the first tear rolled down. Followed by many more.

He replayed your hurt voice once more, your face. It hadn’t been his intention to reject the bond, not really. But he hadn’t run away from it.

It took him two weeks of uncertainty to know that he hadn’t taken it the way you had. While you radiated with his scent, people didn’t ask him. He walked past Cassian during training and his friend just teased him for being disappeared for a month. Rhysand commented about having to report to him every now and then, and Amren didn’t even acknowledge his presence.

That was how he discovered that he had to accept his part of the mating process. He had to be proud, to want it, in order to complete it.

But you had been so happy, so full of joy and love, that Azriel had feared that telling you about it would make you sad. Eventually, he had learned how he should have done it – but at that moment, he didn’t know. Besides, he could still sneak whenever he wanted to without explanations. So he hadn’t said anything.

The first year rolled by, and he spent a good amount of days panicking about how to deal with the situation. The second year passed and you didn’t ask about it, neither did his family. By the fourth year, he had almost forgotten about it.

Azriel’s loud sob broke the silence of the cabin. His chest contracted and his body shock. It was different from any type of suffering, of pain, he had ever felt. He could still feel the echo of your own through the bond, could hear your cries in the distance.

In the lonely cabin, under the moon light, the shadowsinger sobbed and cried until his voice was raw. He was angry at himself, at his past and his traumas, even angry at you. Because now that he knew what it felt to be complete, to be happy and safe in someone’s love, he couldn’t bear the thought of not having it.

His body gravitated to the side and he curled himself in a ball, still in his underwear. It reminded him of when he was a kid and would try to hide himself in the dark cell, cowering in his fear and desperation.

As if he was a kid all over again, Azriel let his wings cover his body and cried. Cried until he couldn’t remember his name, until he was begging the Cauldron to turn back time and let him accept the bond. Carry you on his arm around Velaris and don’t let the fear take control of his life.

He felt like punching a hole through the wall. Like flying thousand feet up and letting go in free fall. Maybe get into a bar fight and let everything out. But his body was anchored to that couch, to that pain. Azriel pressed his closed fists into his chest, trying to relief some of the pressure.

While he wondered if that was what having his heart ripped from his chest fell, he forgot to keep his mental shields up.

Letting Rhysand in.

-

The house of wind had been chaos for a few hours.

Rhysand had tried to manage the situation by himself, wide awake in bed while processing Feyre’s words. He willed himself to sleep, to rest and leave the pondering for the morning. But when he tried to close his eyes, he could see Azriel covered in blood and killing an entire camp because an illegal wing clipping. He could notice the faint, new smell in the house that he hadn’t noticed.

If he had his eyes open, he couldn’t help but look at Nyx’s new toy.

So, Rhysand had woken up Cassian, after Azriel hadn’t answered his notes. And Cassian had been mad. Angry, furious, raging. The general had talked nonsense about berries for a while and then he begged Rhysand to wake up Feyre and find Azriel to interrogate them.

And, who was the high lord to deny a late-night gossiping session?

Feyre had been mad but she had told them that Azriel had a mate that worked in front of her art studio, in a bakery. That you were nice and cheerful, that you had been mated for six years.

That was when Cassian lost it and woke up the whole house.

Now, all the members of the inner circle had gathered in the council room with their pajamas on.

“Maybe it’s not true. Feyre, you might have had imagined it”

“Are you calling me a liar?” Feyre raised her eyebrows at Cassian.

“I’m just saying he would have told me! We’re brothers. And we don’t keep secrets in this house. Never.”

“You don’t keep secrets” Amren cut him off, not looking at him. “Your bean brain is too simple to keep any type of secrets from us, but that doesn’t mean all of us are exhibitionist”

“I’m not – “

“You are an exhibitionist. You announce everything, Cas. Even a fart” Mor corrected him before he could defend himself.

“Sorry for being kind enough to not keep secrets from my family” he frowned, turning to look at Rhys. “You keep secrets from me?”

“I don’t keep secrets from you” Rhys assured him, half a smile.

“He threw the sword you gifted Nyx for his birth and told you Bryaxis took it so you wouldn’t look for it”

Feyre looked at her mate with a raised eyebrow, daring him to say anything else. With a wide-awake Nyx in her arms, she looked at threatening as the Hybern army. She had yet to talk to him privately, but Rhysand knew he was up for a long talk. So he bit his lip and turned to Cassian. Who, of course, looked completely broken and defeated.

The rest of the group was silent, barely keeping their smiles to themselves. Even Nesta, who had a hand on his shoulder, was looking at Feyre with approval. Cassian stared at Rhysand for a long second before he talked.

“It was a nice sword”

“For a teenager, maybe. For a baby, not” Feyre answered again. “Weren’t you just talking about Azriel’s betrayal and secrets?”

“I, for one, knew he was hiding something” Amren commented for the third time. “Just saying I noticed. And you didn’t”

“Not all of us are creeps that stare and don’t talk. We have social lives to take care of” Mor said.

“Some of you do talk. Maybe too much”

Rhysand tuned out Amren and Mor argument when he felt a crack through Azriel’s mental barriers. He had been tugging at them softly to know where his brother was. Feyre had talked him out of the idea of barging in uninvited and demanding answers – at least, he had talked Amren and Mor out of it. Rhysand and Cassian were still unconvinced.

That was why he had kept a talon poking at his mental barriers since the argument started, thinking it wouldn’t be successful.

But then, Azriel opened it unconsciously and Rhysand brought a hand up to his chest.

Everyone fell quiet as the high lord scrunched his eyebrows and pressed his lips together, not ready for the wave of emotions and pain Azriel was feeling at the moment.

Feyre’s hand was instantly on him, Nyx looking up to his father with a pout that would surely turn into a crying session soon. Before the baby could start crying or any of his friends could ask him about it, Rhysand accepted Feyre’s help and got up from his chair.

“He’s at the cabin” he announced, already summoning his darkness to swallow Cassian and him there. “We’ll keep you updated”

Nyx’s loud cry was the last thing they heard as they winnowed away. And the first one they heard from the cabin, was Azriel’s broken one.

Want to read more? Check out my side blog @imaginesmaimasterlists, where I keep all the masterlists! Feedback is always appreciated

Right around the corner taglist:

@lesliemurillo @impossibelle @polli05927 @florencemtrash @going-through-shit @minakay @setayeshmohseni @torchbearerkyle @esposadomd @amysangel @kennedy-brooke @originalcrusadetrash @luvmoo @historygeekqueen @marriedtolike18fictionalmen @wallacewillow0773638 @tothestarsandwhateverend @kristalhi @knmendiola @nikt-wazny-y

[idrinkfrombuckets]

We NEED to start treating patches on battle jackets and punk jackets like badges to be earned.

 Before we begin, I would like to point out the difference between “punk jackets”, “battle jackets", and “alternative fashion”:

If the clothing has political calls to action, it can be considered “battle clothes”. 

If the clothing has both political messaging and punk bands incorporated into the design, then they are punk clothes.

If the clothing doesn’t have any punk band patches or political calls to action, but has influence from alternative styles, then that is “alternative fashion”.

I’ll give you an example of some pants i’ve made:

I made these pants by hand, using old clothes and materials that I either found or “acquired cheap”. These pants were made by punk methods and have punk influence in its design. These pants could likely be incorporated into a punk outfit. However, these pants are not punk because they do not have any political calls to action and they do not have any punk bands on them (and trust me– i love MCR, i named myself after their bassist–but MCR is not a punk band, they are an emo band. I would call these pants “DIY fashion”, “alternative fashion”, or “emo fashion”. I would not call them “punk fashion".

People may disagree on the way I have defined these categories, but the point of the post is the same no matter what you call it. If your clothing contains political calls to action, then this post applies to you. From this point on, i will use “battle clothing” to refer to both battle clothes and punk clothes.

Now if you have a piece of battle clothing, I want you to look at the patches and ask yourself, “what did i do to deserve these patches?” Say you have a patch of the trans flag and you are trans. Good job! You earned the patch. But now say you have a patch that says “support trans kids”. What have you done to support trans kids? In this case, I believe simply being trans is not enough to earn this patch. Did you get a binder or breast forms for a trans kid who couldn't get them by themself? Did you call a lawmaker to tell them to vote no on a trans bathroom ban (or trans sports ban, or book ban, or drag show ban, etc)? Did you join a protest? Did you donate to a trans kid’s surgery fund, or to an organization campaigning for the rights of trans kids? If you can’t come up with one active thing that you have done to support trans kids, i’d argue that you haven’t earned that patch.

Now say you have a patch that says “decriminalize homelessness”.  Have you attended a town meeting to voice your stance? Have you volunteered at a soup kitchen? Are you voting to remove laws meant to imprison homeless people?  Do you give money to homeless people who are panhandling? 

If you have a patch that says “unionize on company time”, Have you done that? Did you boycott in compliance with a union strike, did you donate to organizations that fight for unions, did you donate to support striking workers?

If you have a patch that says “from the river to the sea”. What have you done to earn it? And no, reblogging a gofundme post that you didn't donate to doesn't count. Making a post that says “hey we should really do something about this” doesn’t count. Did you donate? Are you protesting? Are you badgering lawmakers? Are you boycotting?  I’m not saying that it’s impossible to do activist work online, but if you go that route, make sure you are being active about it. There is a difference between making a post saying “here is a list of people to send petitions to and here is how you do it” and “ hey guys i think the genocide is bad”. The first post is informing people and providing them a pathway to direct action. The second post, though absolutely correct, is not doing anything other than letting people know you’re “on the right side”

I could go on forever, but the point is clear: if you haven’t done anything to support the cause that your patch is displaying, you haven’t earned the patch. And some of you may be thinking, “hey i’ve got to work full time, i'm extremely busy and poor and it's impossible to dedicate myself to every cause i believe in”. Trust me, i get it. It’s completely reasonable to concentrate most of your energy on a few important causes. But if you have time to make a patch, you have time to make one phone call. You have time to sign one petition. If you have spent one dollar making your vest, you have one dollar to donate to a cause you believe in. And maybe you only have enough money for one or the other, but it is infinitely better to spend that money in the name of progress than to show people that you are “totally punk/anarchist”.

 i’m not saying you should feel bad about spending ANY time or money making a jacket when you could be using it on progress. If that were the case, battle clothes wouldn’t exist, and they are very important to the punk and anarchist movements. But if you are spending time and resources to show people you support something, make sure you have the receipts to back it up.

And I’m sure someone will be like “but what if i’m too anxious to call a lawmaker AND i cant focus long enough to sign a petition AND i’m too busy too volunteer AND too poor to donate AND two scared to pirate or put up posters AND i'm unable to boycott AND-” idk man, but if you can’t do a single thing to back up anything on your patches, at some point you are cosplaying. And to the single person out there who is genuinely unable to do anything through no fault of their own, this post doesn’t apply to you.

And yes, if you are punk/anarchist you are allowed to make non-political, alternative clothes. But for those who just like making alt fashion and don't do anything in the name of political progress, don’t put political patches on your clothes and don’t call yourself punk or an activist. 

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

[ash5monster01]

Getaway Camp : Fourteen

Pairing: Charlie Dalton x FemReader

Warnings: language, past trauma, yelling, guilt, confrontation, explaining differences, hurt/no comfort

Summary: After a week Charlie and Valerie finally decide to have a conversation, if not with each other than everyone else.

word count: 2.8k

Masterlist

Thirteen ←→ Fifteen

July 24th 1961

For the entire weekend, everybody walked on eggshells. Even if half the staff didn’t know what had happened, it was clear there had been a rift. Everyone was used to seeing Charlie and Valerie together and not used to Chrissy being so quiet or hiding away. With the evident change everyone knew to keep their distance, which was nice on some level. Valerie had gotten sick of the staring though, especially since Chrissy had basically banned her from their shared cabin. She had no where to hide and she was tired of the curious and deciphering looks. That was going to end today.

Stretching her hands in front of her she eyes the cabin she knows Chrissy is in. She also knows the girl expects her to sneak in at night, undetected, just like she had been since this whole mess. Valerie was done with that. If she couldn’t fix things with Charlie, she was going to fix this. So with one last wave of confidence and determination, she stomps up the steps prepared to have a real conversation with the girl. It was about time.

“We need to talk” Valerie says once the door is closed shut behind her. Chrissy looks up from her spot on the bed, dark circles under her eyes, and a clear disgust coming her way.

“I’m not in the mood” she mutters, turning back to her magazine that Valerie knew she’s already read twice. Sighing Valerie walks into the room and plops down on the end of her bed.

“It’s been a week Chris, please. Let me just explain myself” and what Valerie doesn’t expect is the anger that flashes across the blonde girls face, her eyes ablaze. In fact she had never seen her so angry before, so it’s no surprise she recoils away from her.

“Explain what Valerie?! How you don’t give a shit about me or my feelings? I was in love with Nate, you knew that, and yet you let him lead me on. When he came to me that night I thought, this is it, he finally wants me. Then I find out you put him up to it with no regard to my feelings. I know I was being delusional but he should’ve been the one to break my heart, not you!” She shouts, finger pointing at Valerie, and suddenly Valerie feels worse. So she sits there, quietly while Chrissy pants beside her, eyes still wild.

“I know” she says after a moment, dropping her head to look at her lap. Chrissy doesn’t expect this, shoulders instantly loosening as she looks at the girl.

“What?” she asks and Valerie sighs, tears pooling in her eyes for the hundredth time this week.

“I know Chrissy. It was so awful of me, but you have to understand I wasn’t thinking” Valerie pleads, voice croaking around the guilt sitting in her throat. “I was only considering myself. I was being selfish and there’s no other way to describe it. My whole life girls have never liked me, I’ve never had to consider how they felt. I should’ve never asked Nate to lead you on but until recently I also had no idea what it was like to be in love”

Chrissy lets her words soak in, surprised to see the tears that stream down her brunette friend’s cheeks. Valerie was the toughest girl she knew. She tried to not let it bother her how she never got close. It’s weird to see her so broken now, begging for forgiveness, and looking so lost. Finally she says, “I wasn’t expecting that”

“I was awful to you, not just now but for years. My whole life I have been so mad at girls for alienating me that I never realized I had been doing the same to you” Valerie tells her, hand falling on top of her own. Chrissy looks at where they meet, finally understanding more about cool and strong Valerie than ever before.

“Us girls gotta stick together Val. No matter how different” Chrissy whispers, overturning her hand to clasp Valerie’s in her own and Valerie sniffles past her smile.

“Does that mean you forgive me?” she asks, hopeful eyes staring into Chrissy’s and the blonde girl can’t help the smile that cracks across her face.

“Yeah, but don’t pull some shit like that again” she tells her and much to both of their surprise, Valerie has her squashed in a tight hug.

“I won’t, I promise” she mutters against her and Chrissy sighs, hugging her back.

“In all fairness, we all do stupid things when we’re in love” she tells her and Valerie pulls back, her eyebrows furrowed as she looks at the girl.

“I don’t think it was love anymore. I was swept up in him and the moment. I’ve never loved anybody and now that we’re done I have to accept I probably never will” Valerie explains, trying to convince herself more than the blonde girl beside her.

“Valerie, you love that boy. Don’t let this mess make you think otherwise. You’re allowed to be heartbroken” Chrissy reassures and for what seems like the millionth time, Valerie’s lip starts to wobble as she tries not to cry.

“I never had to worry about things like this before. I never thought my short fling with Levi could bite me in the ass. I wish it wasn’t so hard to say how I feel and maybe Charlie would’ve known. Maybe he wouldn’t be ignoring me like he is now” Valerie rants, sad and frustrated all at the same time. It made her want to rip out her hair. She couldn’t even get the damn boy to look at her. She should’ve never let him kiss her under that canoe because all it did was confuse her more.

“It’ll work itself out Val. You can’t change the past and I have a feeling Charlie’s the kind of guy who will come around” the smile on the blonde girls face is sad, one filled with remorse that she didn’t get to have what Valerie did. She had put so much hope onto the possibility of Nate that she had missed everything going on around her for a very long time.

“Maybe, either way I’m still me. That’s all I ever needed anyway” Valerie says, a pressed smile and a slight truth behind her words. She knew she didn’t have to change to be happy, it was just nice to finally have someone who loved her the way she was too.

“Exactly, let’s agree right now that we love ourselves first before any of these other idiots” and Valerie snorts a laugh before holding a hand out. Chrissy quickly meets it in a firm shake.

“Deal”

When Charlie finishes his shift the last thing he wants to do is be social. Yet just like clockwork he makes the short walk to Ezra’s cabin. Surprisingly for a guy who loved calling Charlie out on his behavior, he had done a good job at not bringing up the boys sour mood. Yet even Charlie knew he was walking a thin line, and it was only a matter of time before Ezra finally said something. Which was correct for when the seventh day he had approached Ezra’s cabin with a scowl on his face, the man finally decided to speak up. A full week of torment, an expiration date, and Charlie’s foot didn’t even meet the front step of the porch before he finally brought it up.

“God boy, don’t be bringing that storm cloud of shit behavior with you again” Charlie froze like a deer in head lights, eyes lifting at the older man who had just swore at him.

“What?” he stammered, caught off guard by the man’s words.

“You heard me, I’ve put up with this sour attitude of yours for a week. So either you’re gonna tell me what’s wrong or don’t bother coming around here until you can put a smile on that face” he gestured at him and Charlie pondered it for a moment. Not wanting to rehash the details of his heartbreak but also knowing he had no where else to go. No one else to spend his free time with. So against his better judgement he continued to climb the porch and sit in his assigned seat.

“If I tell you I’ll just sound like a jealous, insecure, little boy” Charlie mutters, scowling deeper as he tries not to look at Ezra.

“I’ll tell you if that’s true or not, start from the beginning” so Charlie does. From how head over heels he got for Valerie to the truth or dare game, how it blew up, and Charlie found out he was nothing more than another guy. How he took it harder than he should’ve when he knew his love with Valerie had to end when summer did. How it was possible he was in the wrong here but he’s so stuck in his head he can’t even bring himself to acknowledge that part. The only thing he could think about was Neil and how every morning when he woke up still sad, he wanted his best friend, and for a fleeting moment if feels like he’s still here until Charlie remembers all over again.

“That’s quite a story” Ezra says once Charlie’s finished and Charlie can’t help the unironic chuckle that leaves his lips. Even he couldn’t have predicted his summer to go like this.

“Yeah, what a fool I was” Charlie says and Ezra begins to shake his head, never turning from his view of the lake.

“I think you’re missing the part son, where you found out if she was seeing both of you at the same time. I’d agree you were a fool but only because you didn’t confirm if the timelines ever crossed” Charlie freezes, mind flashing back to that rainy day in the cabin. Where Levi had admitted to the relationship but not providing any details. In this moment it hits Charlie entirely that this could’ve happened yesterday or three years ago. He just never asked.

“Oh my God, I’m a fucking idiot” Charlie groans, pressing his hand to his face. All this anger and sadness he had built around assumptions. How had he gone from the guy who never thought he’d care about a girl to a crazy and insecure boyfriend?

“Most boys your age are, it’s a learning experience. Yet I will give you that she also could’ve provided details or context prior, that way you wouldn’t have got as worked up as you did. A part of you knew something was there, it was just the truth that justified your suspicions. Hence the harsh reaction” and it all clicks, like pieces to a puzzle. Charlie had been trying to ignore the closeness between the two, having never seen a female and male friendship before. A small part of him always wanted to assume it was something more. When he found out there had been, he self sabotaged the rest of the way.

“I still screwed up with the best girl I’ve ever met” Charlie groans and Ezra bellows a laugh, not even the slightest bit surprised that this was the reason for Charlie’s behavior this week. When he was Charlie’s age he probably would’ve done the same thing.

“No you didn’t. Find her tomorrow and talk. Communication is key. It’s the things we keep to ourselves that kill us slowly” Ezra tells him and Charlie can’t help but think about Neil. His best friend who never once confided in him about how bad it was. Always putting on a smile and playing it off like it was nothing. If Neil had trusted him maybe he would’ve known, could’ve seen the behavior, noticed something more was wrong. Maybe he would still be here.

“Think she’ll forgive me?” Charlie asks and Ezra shrugs, not even able to count how many times he had screwed up and his wife had forgiven him.

“You always forgive the people you love. You have nothing to worry about” he tells him, finally breaking his gaze from the blue water and glancing at the young boy beside him. When Ezra says this, Charlie briefly wonders why his parents cross his mind.

“Doesn’t mean I get to keep her” Charlie says, eyes for the first time showing all the sadness stirred up inside of him. So for once Ezra just smiles back and comforts him, not swaying him one way or the other. He just supports him because not everything in life should you be told.

When Charlie makes the dark walk back to his cabin he doesn’t miss the loud laughter that floats past him. Eyes glancing up to find the friend group, one he was once apart of, making their way down the trail. Levi has an arm wrapped around Mia, Nate walks beside them with a beer in his hand, Andy and Alice have their fingers interlocked as their arms sway between them obnoxiously, Alex of course has his Captain hat on while Holly does her best to stay in step with him. What’s the most surprising is Valerie and Chrissy, arms hooked together, and big smiles on their faces as they converse with each other. The sight makes Charlie’s stomach twist.

“Hey Charlie” Levi is the one to point him out, offering a friendly smile that Charlie had resented but after his talk with Ezra he realizes how genuine it is. He does his best to stay calm when all eyes land on him.

“Hey man” Charlie nods at him, trying his best to continue on by without looking at Valerie. He wanted to talk to her but not like this, not now, not when she finally looked happy.

“We’re gonna go make a campfire and have some s’mores if you want to join” Alice offers, hand gesturing to the bottom of trail from where Charlie came. Finally Charlie glances at Valerie to find an unreadable expression on her face. He can’t help but think about their first kiss, how he would never be able to eat a s’more again without thinking of her.

“Maybe next time, I’m kind of tired” he finally responds, trying to ignore how Valerie’s face slightly falls. The group nods, all trying to ignore the obvious tension as Charlie rounds his way past them.

“I’ll be right back, meet you guys there” Levi says after a moment before turning and jogging back up the trail. Valerie watches but Chrissy gives her a tug, indicating to leave it alone, and she obeys.

“Charlie, wait up man” Levi calls for him and Charlie slows, hating what an idiot he had been. Valerie did deserve a nice guy like Levi, not him. When Levi reaches him his breath pattern doesn’t even change, as if the jog uphill hadn’t affected him at all. “I just wanted to apologize, you should’ve never found out like that, but you have to know that me and Valerie don’t like each other like that”

“I’m the one who’s supposed to be apologizing Levi. I didn’t let either of you explain. I assumed and that was wrong of me” Charlie says and of all the things Levi had expected him to say, it wasn’t this. It takes him a moment to even comprehend.

“I guess we both should’ve been more transparent” Levi finally says, unable to find any other response and Charlie chuckles.

“You really didn’t have to tell me. I should’ve trusted that Valerie wasn’t using me. I owe her an apology more than anyone” Charlie says earnestly, lifting his shoulder in a shrug. “You’re a good guy Levi, even if it wasn’t romantic I understand why she tried”

“Come with me, talk to her” Levi says, heart aching for his friend and the honest boy in front of him. He knew Charlie was a good guy, Levi realizes now he was the one who had broke Valerie’s heart, not him. He should’ve never let Charlie walk out that door without explaining himself.

“Tomorrow, not tonight. Tonight she looks happy and I want her to have that” Charlie glances down the path, unable to see the group of friends but still feeling her there.

“She misses you” Levi says, seeing it in his friend’s eyes and how she looks for Charlie in every room they enter. She had fallen in love and wasn’t going to stop anytime soon.

“I miss her, but stop wasting your time with me. If I can tell you anything, it’s that you should spend every second with your friends that you can. Sadly they won’t always be around” Charlie tells him, tears burning at the back of his eyes. He can’t believe he ever chose to distance himself from someone he loved when he yearned to be close to everyone he was forced from.

“Talk to her first thing tomorrow then. I can offer you the same advice” Charlie gives a pressed smile but nods anyway, agreeing with the boy in front of him.

“Have a good night Levi” he tells him and Levi smiles back, digging his hands into his pockets.

“You too Charlie”

Taglist: @eden-punk @octaviasdread @pursuedbyamemoryy @poetsinnyc @linmichea1

Comment if you want to be added to the taglist :))

[daynightshipping]

💚 Welcome to Daynightshipping 💚

Wowee I’m finally making a pinned post to explain all this!! My name is Ares, I’m 22 and extremely gay. I’ll warn you now I am the literal manifestation of 30 mental illnesses and banned from most public spaces. As John Mulaney once put it, “I also dont want me to be doing what I’m doing”. I’m ADHD and there’s probably some autism in there as well I don’t know anymore. My brain is not normal basically lmfao.

I ship with Jesse Glenn from Bakugan Battle Brawlers. I have loved this fruit since the moment I laid eyes on him at like 12 years old or however old I was when I watched Bakugan lol. About a year ago I got sick with covid, rewatched the show and fell absolutely head over heels again…. I definitely attribute him to being my gay awakening (even though I thought I was just a really fucked up weird straight girl up until after I graduated high school). This blog is for the ship between my self insert and Jesse, although I may refer to my s/i and myself interchangeably.

What is the ship?

Jesse Glenn x Aires Gallo. Aires is a boyfailure brawler who meets Jesse in Bakugan Interspace and finds himself in love and also entangled in an interplanetary war! Fun! Lots of angst potential here if u know the source material lmao

Why the name?

It’s inspired by the song When The Day Met The Night by Panic! At The Disco

DNI?

I don’t really have a DNI just don’t be an asshole about me self shipping or anything lmao. It’s honestly rare I block anyone but if ur being shitty enough I will 💀

As far as like content and sharing f/o’s and stuff I’ve always been of the opinion that it’s not my place to police anyone and if I don’t like something I may complain bc I’m a complainer, but in reality it’s not that big of a deal and more of a personal preference or something I just need to get over. Obviously not into going out of my way to harass people as long as they don’t harass me lol. That being said, I’m not the biggest fan of Jesse in m/f ships (and just most m/f ships in general UNLESS it’s your self ship or Zelink then I love you mwuah) so, not that I really think anyone would bc this character is so niche in general, dont like tag me or send me that type of stuff. TLDR, keep it at a distance ig lmfao.

Other stuff???

My headcanons aren’t exactly 100% clear and I do like to imagine different scenarios between these 2. One of the divergent paths is where they have a kid together, Zephyr, so I’ll of course post him too. Idk this started off as more of a selfship dumping zone and it still is kind of that.

I have a NSFT blog (gummysharksafterdark) where I do post some selfship stuff too that’s obviously 18+ only.

My ask box is always open, and my dms are too to some extent, although I don’t answer those as often usually. My main is gummy-sharks666 which is mostly Bakugan right now bc that’s what I’m hyperfixated on atm and other general fandom stuff. I look forward to interacting w other oc/canon shippers and selfshippers, esp ones with anime or hobbyani f/o’s, and also obviously Bakugan fans if u care this oc/canon stuff at all uwu.

That’s about it, so yeah

(Art at the top gifted by @ / freaquin)

[itsnevercasual]

Allies or Enemies

pairing: harry styles x fay!reader

summary: amidst a fay hunt in your village, you fled to a different town far away. a human town. wanting to keep your identity a secret, you allow the townspeople to name you angelina. you're doing fine in the town until a mysterious man appears for unknown reasons. harry. and you don't trust him one bit.

warnings: cursing, violence, a religion similar to christianity gets bashed (not actual christianity though), magic (duh), angst, slowburn, some triggering topics such as abuse, murder, and sa.

—

“i know you’re a fay.”

there were a few ways she could go about this. she could lie and say she had no clue what he was talking about. she could ask him how she knew. or.. she could.. kill him. but she didn’t really want to do that. at least, she didn’t think so.

“i don’t know what you’re talking about,” she finally replied.

“don’t lie to me, angel.”

him calling her angel felt like a taunt.

“you know i’m right.”

“no. you’re speaking nonsense,” she shook her head, turning around. “fays went extinct two hundred years ago, and any magic, especially fay magic, is banned. it’s a death sentence. why would you accuse me of that?”

“aven did once. i wonder why..”

“you have no clue what you’re talking about. shut up before you get me in trouble—“

“you’re scared, because you think i’m human,” he states.

she paused. what? “you are human.. and so am i.”

“no. you are fay. as am i.”

“you’re only saying that to get me to admit it—“

“so you’re saying there is something to admit?”

“no!”

he sighed, “if there is no other options.. i’ll prove it to you.”

he held out his hand and summoned a flame. her eyes widened before she covered his palm with her own, summoning water to put out his flame.

“are you insane? do you have a death wish, is that it?” she hissed.

“we’re both fays, you don’t have to be afraid of me—“

“shut up before we’re both slaughtered. don’t speak of this here.”

“then where?”

she paused, before sighing. “follow me.”

she led him to the flower shop, hushing him as he questioned her. she brought him upstairs, to her quarters, before locking the door and window, using a wave of her hand to put a protection spell over it.

then, she turned to him with a cold look in her eye, “explain.”

“explain what?”

“everything. you aren’t from my coven, i know that much.”

“i was.. sent here. to find you.”

“by whom?”

“that is none of your concern.”

“they want to find me, therefore i believe it is my concern.”

“one of the more powerful fays in my coven. i do not know why.”

“why did you threaten him?”

“who?”

she groaned, “alvaro! you threatened alvaro when he came to bring me a letter. why?”

“i.. thought he was a threat. i was trying to protect you.”

“i can protect myself on my own just fine. if he really was a threat, he would’ve been dead before you knew he was coming.”

“you seem sure of that,” he commented.

“my mother is.. the right hand man, if you will, of our coven. any threat to me is a threat to the whole coven.”

“so you’re fay royalty?”

“you act as if you don’t know how fays work. no. we don’t have royalty. we are all equal. my family is just more powerful, so we protect the coven. and they protect us.”

he didn’t respond, and it grew quiet.

she awkwardly cleared her throat.

“why did you come here?” he suddenly asked.

“what?”

“why are you here, with humans, and not your coven? isn’t this dangerous?”

she paused before she answered. “my village was discovered by the people. they came in the night to burn our homes down. we had to flee, but i was being followed more than others. so i ran off. and then, when i lost the humans, i realized i’d also gotten lost myself.”

“and the.. angelina thing?”

“the people hunting us wanted me specifically. i don’t know why. but they knew my name. so i figured using my name would make me easier to find.”

“i suppose that makes sense.”

she nodded.

“did alvaro really deliver your mother’s letter?”

“.. yes. she asked me to return home for solstice. i’ll leave in three weeks.”

harry hummed and said nothing else.

“what of you?”

“i’m sorry?” he turned to her.

“what of you? where do you come from?”

“up north. my coven stays there,” he answered vaguely.

she nodded, allowing him to be vague for the time being. “well, if that is all, you should see yourself out. i do have a shop to run, unlike some.”

he smirked at her, “and what, pray tell, is so important to do with the shop?”

“well, if you must know, i’m doing a wedding boquet. they’ve requested flowers i don’t grow myself, so i’m off to the forests to find some.”

she slipped her cloak on, readjusting the hood over her head to make sure it covered her enough.

“then i shall leave you to it.”

—

she wasn’t quite sure where she stood with harry, although he would give her a knowing smile anytime he saw her on the streets, and she’d return it. she felt uneasy about the vagueness on his explanation of where he came from, but she busied herself with preparing for her journey for solstice.

the closer her trip got, the more she realized she hadn’t seen harry for the better part of nearly two weeks. she had no clue where he was staying, so she wasn’t able to just show up and check on him, but he hadn’t been in the square for a concerning amount of time.

it was late, half past midnight, if she had to guess. she was in the flower shop with a candle lit so she could see what she was doing as she arranged a last minute boquet— a gift for her mother. suddenly, someone was pounding on her door.

her first instinct was to not answer. it could’ve been the hunters finally catching up to her. however, the more insistant it got, the more irritated she grew.

she picked up the lantern and walked over to the door, opening it.

“what is it that you must pound on my door at— harry?”

her eyes widened at the sight of him. long, curly hair all disheveled, shirt half-unbottened with a red stain on his left side.

“good gods, harry— what happened to you?”

“hunters,” he groaned. when he saw her tense, he breathed out, “a few villages over. they’re gone.”

she nodded with pursed lips, glancing out into the darkness behind him, before placing a hand on his shoulder and tugging him inside. “come, come inside. it isn’t safe outside, not at this hour. not for us.”

he allowed her to pull him inside, brows furrowing when he saw the tulips and hibiscus flowers.

“for my mother— solstice. come upstairs.”

she led him upstairs with a gentle hand, sitting him down in her bathroom. she set the lantern down, leaving momentarily to grab a few more so she could actually see.

“alright,” she sighed once the bathroom was well-lit. “off with your shirt, let me see it.”

“angelina, how scandalous!”

she glared at him, “do you want my help or not?”

the amusement in his eyes died as he unbuttoned the shirt and slipped it off. her nose wrinkled at the sight.

“what did they get you with?” she asked quietly, hand reaching out to ghost over it.

“iron sword.”

“must have laced it— it’s already infected,” she murmured as she stood and walked towards the cabinet. she opened it up to reveal a plethora of medicinal herbs, ones he could tell she’d gone out herself to collect and make. “i expect an explanation as to why you were ‘a few villages over’ if i’m going to be helping you.”

she was glad her hair was already pinned up in a bun, a few wispy, curly strands sticking out from the messy up-do she’d done when she got hot arranging the flowers. corsets were not made for her— she much preferred fae fashion— light dresses, all one layer, with fun colors. not the bland browns, grays, blacks, and neutral colors humans typically wore.

“i was running errands. had to pick up bread— ‘s better over there. not as.. stale. fresher. also felt cooped up here. small town and everyone talkin’ ‘bout everyone. wanted to explore.”

“people like us don’t get to just explore, harry,” she sighed as she wet a rag.

he gave her look, “i know. trust me, i know. but you cannot lie to me and say you haven’t wanted to leave here, as well.”

“of course i want to leave, harry. i’d go to my village again if i could. but i can’t. it is safer to stay where you are— as long as nobody knows, we are safe. we know there are no hunters nearby. it’s an unspoken rule.”

“i’ve never been good with rules.”

she had to grin at that. “lean back,” she gestured for him to do as she said, sitting down across from him. he leaned back, exposing the wound. he winced as she began blotting the cloth over it. “sorry,” she murmured every time he winced, made a face, or took in a sharp breath.

“you can stop apologizing. i am well aware this is my own fault and the effects of my own recklessness.”

her eyes flitted up to him, an unreadable look in them, “don’t say that.”

“weren’t you the one scolding me a few moments ago?”

“yes, but only because i care,” she rolled her eyes, ringing out the now blood-stained cloth to replace it with fresh water.

“the great angelina cares for me?” he teased.

“that’s not my name. and yes, i do.”

“i know it’s not your name, but you’ve given me nothing else to call you,” he rebutdtaled.

she didn’t respond, simply pursing her lips. she rested the cloth against the wound. “hold it there,” she instructed. “pressure is key.”

she grabbed a few healing herbs and mixed them together until they were a paste.

“move the cloth.”

when he did, she gently applied the paste to his side before handing him an unlabeled vial.

“take a small sip.”

he took the vial and eyed it cautiously, “what is this?”

“a healing flower. or.. the liquidized version of it. my coven uses it for births. numbs the pain and heals it from the inside.”

he nodded, taking a small sip, setting it on the counter when he was done.

there was a beat of silence where they just stared into each other’s eyes. it was only then that she realized they were too close to each other.

“don’t wash the paste off for at least twenty-four hours,” she told him. “it should heal itself from there.”

she cleared her throat and stood.

“i’d prefer if you stayed with me while it heals. i don’t trust you to not do anything else.”

he gave a small, thankful smile, “thank you, angelina.”

“i already told you, that’s not my name,” she snapped. “and i don’t like it when you call me that.”

“then what would you prefer i say?”

she sighed before speaking her real name to someone for the first time in nearly five years, “y/n. my name is y/n l/n.”

—

a/n: AAAAA SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG

taglist: @boomitsallie1

[worms-in-my-brain]

Posts that point out that we’re (with ‘we’ being an array of potential minority groups) all the same to them (with ‘them’ being whatever majority group complements it) are good and make a good point, but I feel like they’re missing something.

I’m going to use trans people as an example because it makes it more clear, but this also applies to other groups (and I’ll elaborate at the end). So take, for example, someone saying that all trans people are the same in the eyes of a transphobe.

The thing I feel is missing, is, well… there is a difference, even to them. If there was literally no difference, then people wouldn’t be able to be, in line with my example, transmeds, because bigots wouldn’t even offer them conditional ‘acceptance.’

There is also going to be a difference between a nonbinary trans person who doesn’t have dysphoria and presents in line with what is expected of their AGAB and is comfortable in spaces that match what was put on their birth certificate and a binary trans person who is incredibly dysphoric and is medically transitioning. Because the truth is that, even though both are trans, if a law were to be passed that banned transition, one of the two is going to be more impacted. You don’t need dysphoria to be trans, but trans people with dysphoria, especially severe dysphoria, know that it can be incredibly debilitating if left untreated.

There is privilege in being a cis-passing gender-conforming binary trans person. If someone is able to renounce their community without being immediately forced back in by bigots, it’s a privilege.

I’m more hesitant to call the second situation a privilege because, well, it’s not really a privilege to have your identify erased. But, realistically, it’s at least a situational advantage that means that, sometimes, treatment of them versus someone else in the same minority group will differ.

I’ve also seen this happen in disability spaces—it being said to people with less severe disabilities who lick the boots of abled people.

I guess it bothers me a little bit because I feel like it erases people’s experiences? Like when I read stuff like that all I can think is, okay, then why do I have to live hiding parts of myself from my parents because I know they only would accept me as one gender? How is it fair to say that all disabled people are the same to ableists when people with higher support needs and severe disabilities face ableism every day, sometimes even from the same people who would only notice me on days I need my cane? That someone with depression is the same to a saneist as me with OSDD and ASPD? That I’m the same to a saneist as someone with schizophrenia and NPD?

I know I’m overthinking it and it’s probably not that deep but I kinda just wanted to just get my thoughts down, since it’s something that bothers me sometimes.

[qqueenofhades]

I think the most important thing voters (at least those in the US with the stupid 2 party system, I’m not knowledgeable enough about other systems to have an opinion) to remember or keep in mind is, at least for general elections, to vote for harm reduction. No candidate is perfect, the chances of a candidate to have the exact same opinions as you on everything is extremely unlikely-and even if they do exist, the chances are they won’t have enough power to pass everything they want- so you need to ask yourself, who will cause the least harm if in power, who will benefit the most people. I keep thinking about that anecdote about the bus where the 9 passengers are given the choice to vote for either driving off the side of a cliff or to get ice cream, and 3 vote for the cliff, 2 vote for ice cream, and the last 4 don’t vote for whatever reason, so the bus goes over a cliff. Primary elections? Sure, vote for the candidate you like the most, but for general elections, vote for who you hate the least, the person you think will cause the least harm, and not just the least harm to you personally (me side eyeing those people that I still think about who voted Trump and were shocked when their spouses were being deported because they assumed for some reason their partners who were here illegally were not going to be included in deportations even though the orange ahole made it abundantly clear that he viewed all Mexicans as lesser beings, and basically everyone else who voted for the leopard eating face party). I’m not particularly religious, but I find myself praying that young people come out in droves again and that people don’t fall into wanting a perfect candidate over all else.

I mean, yeah. But the problem now is that far too many self-identified "leftists" don't actually believe in harm reduction, and have instead totally given into a mindset where all they care about is "who are the people that I can legitimately hurt in the name of promoting my Perfect Ideology?" Which, you'll note, is functionally identical to right-wing fascism, and often has the exact same result, because acting in a way that increases the power of right-wing fascists will harm those exact same groups you claim to care about -- i.e. women, LGBTQ people, immigrants, workers, religious minorities, people of color, disabled people, and all the other usual fascist scapegoats/targets. If you're acting like right-wing fascists, if the result of your actions matches those of right-wing fascists, if you have the same tactics and talking points as right-wing fascists, then... unfortunately, no matter what anyone calls it, that isn't progressive, that isn't left-wing or even normie liberal, and the fact that it exists so heavily in leftist spaces is... not actually a good thing.

Basically, give me one suburban white middle-aged wine mom who has slightly "cringe" views on things, may mess up on terminology, doesn't exactly know the details on everything, but is horrified by Republican cruelty/abortion bans and now reliably votes Democratic, over ten so-called Online Leftists with Perfect Views (tm) on everything but who are, in practice, worth exactly shit and/or function as an active negative. So yeah.

[bluegekk0]

I’m sorry to bring this up if it makes you feel unoriginal but I love how many troupe headcanons we share

-Divine is the costume designer

-Brumm has feelings for the master

-Grimm cannot cook to save his life (Brumm, a seasoned chef, has actually banned him from the kitchen on account of him burning one too many recipes) and only knows how to make tea

It’s just nice to know I’m not the only one with these thought processes lol

Though it does make me curious. What species of bugs do you headcanon Brumm and Divine to be, and where would they be from if this was our Earth? Also, do Divine and Leg Eater still get together in this AU, and if so, does Leg Eater still… meet his rather unfortunate end?

Oh no don't worry, it actually feels really nice that people have similar headcanons! I know Brumm having feelings for Grimm is pretty common but the other two are such a fun coincidence! I love that.

Something about Divine to me just screams "she loves fashion" (maybe it's the fancy mask?). And rewatching The Hunger Games, Effie's character gave me even more inspiration for my interpretation of her. So I headcanon her as quite eccentric and flamboyant, very much a perfectionist with an eye for beauty. She wouldn't be as shallow or manner focused as Effie, though, I do imagine she has a bit of a snark to her. But that bright, energetic personality, and her impressive talent for costume design, definitely made her very popular in the Troupe. She's very involved in the costume making process from start to finish, she wants to make sure each Grimmkin gets a costume that fits them perfectly, and she'll contribute during the sewing process, instructing her crew and assisting them in any trouble.

Brumm's feelings for Grimm were initially just a small nod to the relatively popular ship of these two, but it evolved over time into something that explores both of their personalities to a slightly larger extent. It emphasizes Brumm's loyalty and commitment, but also implies that deep down he wants something more. He lost his family before Grimm invited him to the Troupe, and one of those dead loved ones could have been his partner. Perhaps there were similarities between that partner and Grimm which eventually made Brumm have feelings for him. But then you might wonder: how much of it is genuine, and is it possible that he's just projecting his loss onto Grimm? I doubt he knows the answer himself, but at least Grimm was clear that he wasn't interested and spared Brumm the trouble of figuring it out. So he got the confession out of his system, and was able to sort his feelings out and move on. Well, at least mostly. I think he does still feel attraction towards Grimm, Brumm's subtle glances at Grimm's body whenever he lifts his cloak tell you that much, but that's nothing new for Grimm. He made his body desirable on purpose, so he's used to it, and in his eyes those stares don't mean anything. But at the very least Brumm realized that he needed to move on from his feelings towards Grimm, so those glances aren't as emotionally driven as they were in the past. Just a quick look to admire, that's all. Or so he says.

I made a post about Grimm being terrible at cooking already, so I won't repeat myself. But that is when our headcanons differ a little bit. While Brumm is definitely better at cooking, I wouldn't call him a seasoned chef. The Troupe has its own dedicated cooks so he doesn't visit the kitchen that often.

---

As for the second half of the ask. I mentioned before that I don't see the "bugs" in the AU as actual bugs (insects). To me they're just fictional species, though some of them do resemble real life animals (bugs or otherwise). So neither Brumm or Divine are an existing real life species of bug, though Divine does take heavy inspiration from termite queens (though she isn't actually meant to be a termite queen in my eyes, shes still a fictional creature). Brumm? He's definitely more mammalian in my eyes, maybe a bit bear like? Or perhaps he'd resemble something like a badger a little bit.

I'm not sure how to answer the Earth question, especially since, again, they are a fictional creature species to me. But maybe I could mention what kind of regions they're originally from.

Divine would be from a warmer region, maybe something resembling the mediterranean climate. Warm and dry summers, and cool and rainy winters. She's definitely from far away relative to Hallownest, Grimm would travel the whole world back then so that is why the two first met. She doesn't handle the Hallownest cold very well, you'll very rarely see her outside during the colder months, and she wears a lot of outfits with furs.

Brumm is from a colder region, something like taiga. His home land definitely had a lot of forests and long, cold winters, which made him adapt very quickly to the climate in Hallownest. He's covered in fur similarly to Grimm, though his isn't as much for show as it is to protect him from harsh temperatures. Consequently, his home isn't that far from Hallownest.

---

And lastly, no, I decided that Divine and Leg Eater don't meet. There is a lot about my Divine that I changed from canon for personal preference reasons. The charm making process in particular is... A bit too much for me personally hahaha. And I headcanon my Divine as gay, so she wouldn't be interested. Lucky for Leg Eater haha.

[decodedlvr]

To everyone, Im sorry. Yesterday I was so panicked from not realizing what I did. That is MY fault. I don’t think I’ve ever regretted anything so much for the idiotic and concerning thing I did in my life. No, it’s not excusable, but it also wasn’t deliberate. I did make a mistake.. call it stupid, call me a liar; that’s valid. I truly did not pay attention to any kind of signs, I saw nothing of that sorta tag or pin. I didn’t, and it was stupid of me that I never acknowledged what was TRULY there. Yes, I admit I got very, very defensive..a topic that serious especially if you’re involved would cause anyone to be, I’ve always been the type to go overboard with anything I do, including making so many posts as I did to “prove” I’m not that. I am sorry for anyone who felt as if I made them feel unsafe, uncomfortable and disgusted. I’m disgusted of myself, as I should be. But, I need you to know I am NOT, that kind of person nor will I ever be. This isn’t some sort of post to get my “friends back” or to not look guilty. I am guilty and disappointed in myself for not paying closer to the signs.. and you know what I’m talking about. This was my first time I’ve ever involved myself to that now banned persons blog. Or any blog that involves that terrible subject. I didn’t necessarily pay attention to the blog because I knew nothing about them nor what they 100% were about, If I did I would have never commented or reblog that. Many people I know didn’t, but this isn’t about them it’s about me and my own actions. I was stupid and wasn’t be careful. I was careless and that’s not who I wanna be. I’ve always tried to make it clear that I wanted anyone to feel safe if they involved themselves with me. I’ve never had any problems before this, I know I look like a bad and sick person, but I’m not. The people who know me personally know I’d never do anything like this ever or on purpose. It was my mistake, and I get it doesn’t even look like one.. I could imagine your thought process about me now and it’s valid. I can’t make you not believe or like or associate with me after all of this. But I need any and everyone to know I am not a predator. I do not on my own time, casually look up that sort of thing. That’s not me. That is one thing I will stick up for because i will not accept being called something I am not. Though, I do feel like I am based on what I did recklessly. I own up to that, and I am sorry. Honestly. I have no idea what will happen to my blogs after this but that is the least of my worries. if you read this and still disagree with my statement, thank you for at least bothering to hear me.

[jenniferdiazisatransgirl]

I tend to try and not make a habit of calling people out. I find it frankly a waste of time and I want to be clear here, I do not encourage piling on other people.

However, 2 days ago I blocked @marcodiazappreciation due to their repeated harassment of both my blog and the trans Marco tag. I have been polite and patient with this individual, explaining the theory and the reasoning behind it, etc. And they repeatedly come at me and other blog still, telling us the theory is harmful.

Me blocking @marcodiazappreciation though, didn’t lead to them leaving me alone. Last night they find one of my side blogs and started messaging me on there which I find completely unacceptable. I blocked you. That isn’t an invitation to start talking to me elsewhere.

I did also say the lines of communication are open, yes. However, that was kinda contingent on you changing your behaviour and not coming at myself and the other blogs in the trans Marco section of the fandom every 6 months or so.

Also “a lie, much like this theory”. A theory is literally something not proven. That is all that trans Marco ever was, a theory. I have repeatedly said and acknowledged the canon of the show is that Marco is a cis het male with feminine interests.

I know that is the canon of the show and I have not tried to insinuate otherwise since it finished airing in 2019. Yes, me and other blogs in the tag fucking screw about but we are literally having fun enjoying a character who we all can see ourselves in.

And I am sincerely sorry that your friend was assaulted back in school for being a feminine cis man but do NOT fucking put that on me and a theory in a fucking cartoon. You think I wasn’t bullied and assaulted for being trans as a kid in school? I fucking was mercilessly right from primary (elementary) to high school. I was treated like shit because I did not conform to the ideals society has for a straight cis man.

But here is the thing, unlike straight cis men who have some representation if they are feminine. I’m thinking Ron Stoppable in Kim Possible in this instance, cos that was on TV when I was in school. I as a trans kid had NO fucking representation. I had NOTHING to tell me I was normal. NOTHING that showed my classmates there were people like me and to normalise that idea. Not in age appropriate media anyway.

Trans representation was largely in media targeted at older audiences and it almost always painted us as the the butt of the joke. I’m thinking Chandler’s Dad in Friends for example.

And fast forward to 2023, and that lack of representation of trans people in age appropriate media for kids remains very much true. Meanwhile straight cis male kids have their fucking pick when it comes to characters who represent them. Whether it is a male with feminine interests to your stereotypical cis het male.

Also maybe if you really were interested in the fucking harm being caused right now to straight cis males who present feminine, maybe your focus should be on bills in states like Tennessee and Texas and other states right now targeting drag but are very vague in their terminology that they could target almost anyone who presents in a gender non-conforming fashion in public.

That is the shit that fucking causes harm. Not trans people desperately trying to find any representation in media that consistently fails to fucking represent them.

And while I am now an adult and for media targeted at people my age there is a fair bit more positive trans rep. That still remains untrue for trans kids growing up right now, who are growing up in a world presently that is increasingly fucking hostile to their existence.

You want to play the fucking oppression contest, then lets fucking play. Straight cis men, regardless of walk of life are represented in every bit of media at this point from children’s media to adult media. Meanwhile the same for trans people cannot be said.

NO ONE is trying the erode the rights of straight cis men. Those trying to ban things like drag right now are doing so because they have inexplicably linked drag and crossdressing with trans people, maybe cos some trans people have used this as a means to express themselves before figuring themselves out. But the target of these bills is “protecting kids from the gay and trans agenda”. And yes, feminine straight cis men do evidently get caught in that fucking crossfire.

But right now, in that crossfire you have now decided to pick up a gun and you are firing at trans people.

The majority of trans people support gender non-conformity, the majority of trans people will see a real life person acting in a gender non-conforming fashion and not bat an eyelid. The majority of trans people, support people expressing their gender however they wish.

The side you are presently holding a gun for doesn’t. And that is not me saying you support Republican ideologies or those pushing similar ideals. This is me saying, turn around because the real fucking enemy is behind you.

You cannot blame the hatred and bigotry of others though on trans people having a theory related to a cartoon and desperately trying to seek representation in a place there is yet to be any. Generally, all the hate and discrimination targeted at cis het males who happen to be feminine is rooted in misogyny, homophobia and transphobia. So rather than attacking other groups who are likewise victims and not only victims but the intended targets of that same systemic oppression, maybe fight that systemic oppression.

NOTE: Some people may highlight The Owl House as now providing trans representation given the non-binary characters in the show. And as amazing as the show is, it is done in such a way that for younger audiences the fact Raine is non-binary could go over the heads of young viewers. Once again, the other non-binary character in the show is only noticeable cos of their nails being painted like a pride flag for their particular gender identity. Younger viewers might not have that knowledge of pride flags yet and it will likely once again go over their heads.

The Owl House is an AMAZING show and Dana Terrace has done an amazing job at progressing LGBT+ rep with her show. But through no fault of her own it is still sadly lacking in places, particularly on the trans front I’d argue.

[thefinalcinderella]

Tsurune: Irodori no Issha Episode 3: Kirisaki Ranking

A surprise Kabashima and Yushima (who have first names now) focused audio drama

Tsurune translation masterpost here

Translation Notes

1. This seems to imply that Kirisaki is also affiliated with a university 

Kabashima: sigh

Yushima: Good work today, Kabashima

Kabashima: ...You’re early. You already took a bath?

Yushima: Yeah. Baths before school feel great

Kabashima: ! Yushima, what’s that on top of your desk? A printout? Did we have homework or something?

Yushima: No. This is the popularity poll for the Kirisaki High School kyudo club boys

Kabashima: Hah? A popularity poll?

Yushima: The girls got excited while they were talking and made this, apparently. Wanna see?

Kabashima: How stupid!

Yushima: But you’re pretty high up there in the rankings. I see, you don’t want to see it. I guess that’s for the best. Apparently only girls are allowed to see it

Kabashima: Hey...hey wait a minute! Why are you looking at something only girls can see? 

Yushima: Me? I’m special

Kabashima: Yeah right, as if

Yushima: Because the girls rely on me. Like how the boys’ uniforms stink or how the weeding for the shajo is too sloppy, the girls aren’t pleased by those kinds of things. You didn’t know that, did you

Kabashima: I, I didn’t know...

Yushima: I was the one who told Mutou-sensei to ban leaving uniforms at the kyudojo over the weekend. And the girls talk to me about their love problems, like, “Who’s that? Does he have a girlfriend?”

Kabashima: Love...?　Such immorality inside our club! There’s a complete lack of discipline!

Yushima: You’re so strict. What generation are you from? 

Kabashima: Urggh...a-anyways, show me that popularity poll!

Yushima: Oh, you want to see it?

Kabashima: I’m just checking it! After President Motomura and the others retire, it’ll be us second-years’ time to shine! 

Yushima: Wow, you got fired up

Kabashima: The “Smartest Guy” ranking. President Motomura is number one, and Sase-san is second place? And then Fujiwara... These are pretty decent results, putting Fujiwara aside. Apparently, the two third-years are considering doing outside entrance exams (1)

Yushima: Even though they can go anywhere on a recommendation, that’s just like the two of them

Kabashima: The “Princeliness” ranking...Fujiwara’s number one, huh. Well, I guess that’s pretty reasonable too. He comes from a good family and has a refinement to him

Yushima: Wahaha. Nice job acting like you’re above him

Kabashima: You say “above,” but the ranking itself starts from the top. What’s the next one?  “Alikeness” ranking? Hey wait

Kabashima: Senichi and Manji are in first place. Are there other people who look alike other than them? What’s with this rigged poll?

Yushima: Well, even if you say that...this is just the girls playing around. 

Kabashima: The “Tsundere” ranking...even something like that can be ranked? 

Kabashima: Hmm? Who’s this Nikaidou (middle school)?

Yushima: Right? Apparently there was a good-looking tsundere who went to Kirisaki Middle School. It’s amazing that he’s still so popular

Kabashima: How stupid. It really is stu...hey! Yushima, aren’t you in first place? What’s the meaning of this? 

Yushima: Ah, that. It’s just the “Monk” ranking. I just have a shaved head, that’s all

Kabashima: No, there’s comments here that says “Because he’s always calm” and “He attained enlightenment.” You got some bizarrely high praise

Yushima: What do you mean by bizarre? No, but after all, it’s a Monk ranking

Kabashima: That’s true...

Kabashima: ...

Kabashima: (trying to hide his laughter) ...Of all things, a monk...

Yushima: Wow, it seems to be a hit with you

Kabashima: ...Sorry. No, but really, I think they’re compliments

Yushima: Liar, you're smiling. You’re definitely imagining me in a bodhisattva pose right now 

Kabashima: Puh...(clearing his throat)

Yushima: As for your ranking, Kabashima...

Kabashima: W-Wait! I’ll look at it myself!

Kabashima: ...Here it is. Kabashima Umetarou. In first place! The ranking is...what the hell is this! The “Annoying-Cute” ranking!?

Yushima: That’s great, isn’t it, Kabashima

Kabashima: Hah? Hah? Annoying-cute? I’m not annoying or cute!

Yushima: No, you actually are. If you’re just the most annoying then you can’t recover from that, but the moment “cute” is added, it’s an unexpected reversal

Kabashima: I won’t accept this! What part of me is annoying-cute? If it’s my ranking, then it should be something like “most reliable” or “most trustworthy”!

Yushima: Eh~~~

Kabashima: What! You got a different opinion?

Yushima: Ugh, this is why I shouldn’t have shown this to you

[olderthannetfic]

Hello OTNF!

First of all, I wanted to say I really appreciate your blog and it is a lovely space (paper plate discourse aside) : ) thank you for this! I really enjoy having a place that has a high density of fandom olds, bc you guys know what’s up and I’ve gotten a lot of great advice from here. So, I figured this would be the best place to ask my question:

How should one, theoretically, go about planning a fanfic exchange for a not-dead-but-somewhat-small fandom? Any suggestions for advertising? I was going to promote via author’s note of fics in that fandom, plus tumblr and Twitter accounts made for the exchange. Is there anything I’m forgetting? Also: is it reasonable to assume I could run it by myself (I do have a decent amount of time on my hands) or should I find another mod? I have participated in many a fest/bang/etc. but when it comes to running them I’m a total newb :P

Thanks in advance! And if anyone’s interested: the fandom is Assassin’s Creed.

--

Yes, run it alone. Treat your participants as adults, but if they act like toddlers, respond as they deserve.

--

I wouldn't advertise it in my own fic headers on AO3. It's not commercial, but I'd just feel weird.

Where to advertise very much depends on the fandom. If there's a major discord or something, I'd try there, but I don't know anything about Assassin's Creed except that I couldn't even get past the tutorial intro on one of those games.

--

The most important parts of the actual running are to make clear rules from the beginning and to stick to them. And you need a rule like "The mod will use their judgment" because rules-lawyering dickheads always try to get away with shit.

If people don't trust the mod's judgment, they shouldn't sign up for a fest in the first place, and all mods should be ready to say "no" when needed. Don't be a wuss who needs to please everyone: that's a good way to let entitled idiots take over and chase away all the good participants. The vast majority of people are great though, so no need to be a paranoid downer either.

You need to build in a process for dealing when life happens to people. Don't get mad when somebody fails to turn their shit in on time. Just have a way to get a pinch hitter easily. The person who had to drop out is happy because they don't get guilt tripped. The recipient is happy because they still get their present. The pinch hitter feels good about helping out. This can be a positive thing if you treat it as such, but if you don't build in enough time to replace people who drop out, you'll end up stressed and cranky.

You can probably run it alone if you've got enough of a spine. The really large amounts of mod time tend to be taken up with things like nitpicking whether a fandom is eligible in a rare fandoms exchange or with hand-wringing over spats participants get into. None of that need apply in a small, single-fandom exchange with low stakes regardless of what a mod decides. (Yuletide is much wankier, for example, because Yuletide is huge and old and people feel like a rule change or being banned is The End of the World. This in turn puts huge scrutiny and pressure on mod decisions and leads to more Too Many Cooks problems.)

Assassin's Creed has some little twerps who cry about problematique, doesn't it? Decide early how you're going to rule on any typical fandom nonsense and shut down crybabies fast and hard. (But also, if someone gets a gift that turns out to be flagrantly racist the real way and not the fake shipwar way or is otherwise a shitty troll gift, get them an emergency pinch hitter.)

[leejenowrld]

can we have some funfacts about you and your bf you guys are goals🥹

yes 🥹🥹🥹on a real note i’m really fucking happy and appreciative over the fact that you guys send me so much love and happiness over my relationship like ahhh it just makes me feel so giddy and so blessed

as i’ve said before, he’s in a football team (it’s like kinda one of the official ones, he’s really good) and he has a lot of matches and i’m always his supportive cheering girlfriend there lmao. he got me a football style shirt that says his surname and he will get pissed if i don’t wear it to the match

he’s fought players on the pitch and then minutes (sometimes seconds) later changes his expression when he turns to me and blows me a kiss and i’m like 😩 seeing my man throw hands is so sexy

we now have a matching tattoo🥰

we sleep on one pillow lmao it’s just habit because of how close we get when we sleep, always two pillows on the bed but we always wake up with him on my pillow or me on his. sometime in the middle of the night we’ve obviously moved closer and cuddled the other more

his body type?? it’s kinda like mingyu’s from seventeen’s. i mean for crying out loud he’s a football player so he’s so in shape and so sexy god

we’ve had arguments which end in rough and violent makeup sec cus i’ve flashed him when he’s in the midst of yelling at me 😭 like he’ll be yelling at me for being childish and not looking after myself properly and before i know it i lift my top up and YEAH !

he doesn’t like when i get high. he’s made it clear. he tries to calm me down and just be gentle with me about it :(

even though he gets angry at me when i’m drunk/wasted/high he will still take my makeup off for me 🥹 change me into my clothes and UGH

he double cleanses my face for me 🥹 you guys should see the furrow and concentration in his eyebrows and eyes when he does it !!

we shower together almost every time, saving water yk ;)

we have matching laminated bracelets

we’re the couple who are adventurous with sex! locations, positions, kinks, role play. counting off the top of my head, we’ve done it in nearly 30-40 different places/locations (it’s a lot i know, explanation in bullet point below) about 8 different positions and girl if i explained how we explore role play and kinks then i’d be banned!

so keep in mind we’ve been together 5 years anddd we go on holiday a lot!! we’ve been to just 8 places last year. we find really cheap tickets and hotels and yeah :) we just have fun and love each other abroad hehe. one of our many love languages is travelling and exploring the world together

so the number of locations we’ve fucked in is so high because we have a lot of holiday sex. it’s just the two of us so we can be as loud as we want

he buys me cute girly stuff lmao. kpop albums, concert tickets, cute skirts and dresses, pyjamas, lingerie, we have matching clothes too

[clunelover]

Okay, I did the screening call! It sucked and I swung back and forth between “omg so many parts of my brain are in shambles!” And “this is so nothing why am I even recounting this aspect to this poor lady on the other end of the phone.”

Next the doctors review her notes and decide which program seems best for me. They’ll call me in a few days I think with that info. Then if I agree, a program coordinator will call me to talk about when could be a start date.

I also had lunch with some friends and one of them mentioned how back when I first did this program, I had sent out something about relapse prevention, and things people should feel free to point out to me if they notice and it is…stark (pretty much everything I’m doing now except declining invites. I sure as hell want to decline them though!) Oh and “working from home without a reason” is funny now too.

Lapse symptoms:

Accumulating trash in my car

Making Jeremy do particular chores that I have "just right" issues with, particularly dishes or mowing the lawn

Binge watching TV (I'm calling that 3 or more episodes in a row)

Giving myself a "pass" to do my banned behaviors, like saying "I'm not supposed to over-explain, BUT..."

oh, and if you think I am over-explaining or indirectly asking for reassurance, you are definitely allowed to say "is that level of detail necessary?"

Relapse symptoms:

Working from home without some reason

Leaving parties or gatherings early without a reason, or declining all invites without a reason

Asking blatant reassurance questions like "are you mad at me" or "Tell me I'm not crazy"

Drinking while doing household chores/otherwise using alcohol to avoid something

Taking Xanax without a very clear need/without trying other methods of calming down

[lizardywizard]

Reading about potential bans on drag shows and realising that, as a transmasc in this era, I’ve been living with a privilege I didn’t know I had.

I always say that I didn’t really have much gender dysphoria until I went to college and had my first experiences of feeling truly Perceived. In truth, it started before then: I was saddened when the neighbourhood kids began to separate into gendered friend groups. I didn’t like my name, and I didn’t want to grow up to have boobs. But until I really started getting those boobs, and being Noticed for them, I never felt like I needed to change anything about my body in order to live as myself.

A big part of that, I realise now, was that I was allowed to dress in a way that I found gender-affirming. Growing up as a kid in the UK in the 80s, it wasn’t shocking if an AFAB person wore trousers or shorts; it was seen as progressive and feminist, and while my neighbours might not have been the most progressive folks, I had a mother who encouraged it. I stopped wearing dresses around 5, at my own insistence, and though she was sad because she found them cute and enjoyed making them, my mother never made me wear them again. I’ve travelled in multiple countries with varying amounts of queermisia, and no one has once commented to me along the lines of, “Why don’t you wear dresses and skirts? Isn’t that a bit, y’know? Weird?”

An AMAB kid who doesn’t want to dress masculine, though? Unless that kid socially transitions to female and is fully embraced as a girl by their community, they have so few outlets. I hear all the time about kids and teens sneaking their mother’s or sister’s clothes, petrified of being caught. Or cherishing that one year where they got to wear a princess dress for Halloween when they were 5, or dress up in a boa and put rouge on their cheeks. How rare and precious and secretly cherished those times were to them, because it was impossible, unthinkable, to just want to wear dresses.

It’s an experience that’s alien to me as a transmasc, but at the same time chills me to the bone, because what if? It wasn’t always like that for AFAB people either; go back a few decades before my birth and, yeah, people did look at a woman in a trouser suit funny. If US society does go full fucking Gilead on us, I’m outsies, because there’s a lot of trans stuff that isn’t a need for me but I know if I was forced to dress like a tradwife I’d absolutely snap. I would go feral. There aren’t a lot of things I complained about in my childhood, so the fact that I made very clear very young that I wasn’t going to dress feminine.

But here’s the thing: transfems and GNC AMAB people are already having that experience. It’s not “women in suits” these laws are targeting, it’s “men in dresses”. A visibly AFAB person wearing masculine clothing is a “go-getter”; a visibly AMAB person wearing feminine clothing is a “pervert”. My society’s stereotypes, not mine. That’s a lot of shame that is already dumped on those kids from birth, and if we don’t fight it, it’s only going to get worse.

Personally, as a transmasc? I suggest utilising that difference for the greater good. There are plenty of people who will throw a fuss about “men in dresses” but aren’t going to want to give up their own pantsuits. If laws like this ever pass, we need to flagrantly break them, in order to take the whole farce to court and get it shown up for the regressive conservative hateboner it is.