#to Tumblr anyway

[dhajetii]

So I would like to share what finally cracked my egg and kinda made me go “oh shit” and couldn’t shove the gender crisis back into the closet anymore. For context: AFAB, rest is under the cut.

The final straw that broke the camels back was Eddie fucking Munson. That nerdy metal head from season 4 of Stranger Things. That little shit (affectionate) ruined my “If I ignore the Problem Maybe It Will Go Away” mentality on my gender identity. Which is something I still find entertaining.

Long story short I had a dream where I ended up in a romantic relationship with Eddie, except the role of “me” was played by a me that had transitioned (binding my chest and just starting t therapy). And it felt correct. Even after I woke up and the dream lingered for a bit it just felt totally normal? It didn’t really come crashing down until I was getting dressed for work and I was like “wait a god damn minute”

The following weeks contained a lot of journaling, just writing thoughts down without overthinking them just being open with myself then going back the next day and reading them again to see if anything else came to mind. I don’t really wanna get into what those thoughts and self-revelations actually were, but maybe I will later idk.

I also did a lot of research on ftm stuff. Read about hrt, prowled around various trans and non-binary subreddits reading other peoples experiences and got a feel for what I found relatable and what I didn’t find relatable.

Ended up deciding I don’t actually wanna start any kind hormone stuff, but that could change in the future, but that binding is something I absolutely wanna do (and top surgery sounds intimidating and a process I don’t wanna do). Found out that as a rather small-chested person I feel comfy in a sports bra or compression top that I can find at clothing stores in town and don’t need to invest in an expensive binder (tried one and ordered the wrong size and it’s way too tight and now I’m nervous about ordering anything online). Also chopped my hair off and got a kind of boy-ish kind of gender neutral cut that I’m very happy with.

The only issue I’m still struggling with is pronouns because idk what I like using?? I’m not too picky about it?? I’ve discovered so long as no one refers to me as “girl” in a present tense im okay (which now that I’m aware, it comes up quite a lot from my coworkers). Which segues into another thing for me: I’m currently 27 years old and for the first like 20-something years of my life I identified as female and I still feel that was correct for me THEN. Can’t say when or why it shifted, but it has and NOW *shrug* now I’m definitely something in the realm of non-binary or trans or genderqueer or Demiboy (if I feel like getting really specific and not using an umbrella term). This is a journey I’m still on but I’m finally feeling comfortable within my own skin in a way I haven’t felt since I was 17 and had the “oh shit I’m asexual” lightbulb moment (even tho I didn’t actually know or use that term until a couple years after that) but that’s an entirely different rabbit hole and blog post that I may or may not do.

[wuntrum]

ripley :)

[bethfuller]

limited perception.

find me on instagram!

[paddysol]

i too would leave important life decisions up to a magic 8-ball

[arinmoss]

painted Chappell again :3

[evgar]

i need them badly

[hinamie]

trick or treat!

[crustaceousfaggot]

No nuance allowed. Put your nuance in the tags, I just want a yes or no answer

[mihai-florescu]

[itsdabatt]

happy national impersonate your favorite vigilante day to those who celebrate

Part 2

[donniipao]

shout out to toxic yaoi or whatever

I saw all the human bill designs arising and an idea sparked in my head

[cainternn]

deadpool and wolverine thoughts

[airinn]

cat girl save me.. cat girl.... save me cat girl (she would not)

[ivytea]

raspberry tortoise tea

[kensatou]

studio trigger understood the assignment. i would let her wreck me.