#tl;dr i love him a lot and am really thankful to everyone that supports him today no matter how long you have

[atastypeach]

listen, Rolan's whole story just hits me really hard. Yes, this game is about breaking cycles, but I feel like addressing Rolan's cycle of abuse is something I gotta talk about because it's eating me up inside.

So through this game, we're told all about Cazador. Astarion isn't shy about making damn sure everyone knows just how much of a god awful wretch he is. And regardless of which ending you choose for Astarion - he gets to break free from his abuser. Sure, the cycle has a strong chance of continuing if you let him ascend, but this post isn't about it. It's about the catharsis of him killing Cazador. I think anyone who has been the survivor of abuse - in any form - may have found something truly freeing about Astarion getting to remove his shackles. But for me, something was missing. And what was missing was the secrecy of the abuse. I'm 33. I didn't face the worst of my abuse until I was 28. But that abuse went unnoticed by most people in my life. Came at the hand of my stepfather after my mom died of a terminal illness. Your tl;dr: I escaped his abuse in January of this year after years of torment. But it took people who loved me for me to realize what was happening. And I see this in Rolan too.

See, I failed at saving Rolan my first game. My game sequence broke. He didn't spawn until after I had completed Moonrise Towers and broke into the prisons. Saved him then but well. He turned on me in the end because I didn't save Cal and Lia. I'm sorry honey, blame the coding of the game being screwy, not me. But in Rolan I see a lot of myself. Not to be a kinnie on main (A/N: I am not a kinnie) but this young man shares an uncomfortable amount of traits with me, from being an overworking nerd, to being so desperately loyal to my loved ones, to drinking intensely when i can't cope with my emotions (I'm in therapy for this) and much more. And his story line has resonated with me as someone who has experienced hidden abuse. When we first meet him, he speaks highly of Lorroakan and his apprenticeship. The only real indication we get that Lorroakan might be bad news is from Gale who calls him a blowhard or something like that. We just know he's kind of a tool. But when we first meet Rolan - he's a tool. A match made in heaven, so what does it matter. But what we don't see is once we get to act three, how Rolan handles this apprenticeship with Lorroakan. And as someone who has seen both outcomes now...it hurts to see. If you fail to save Cal and Lia, Rolan follows Lorroakan blindly. He does as he wishes. He regards you with contempt and disdain. He sides with a man who we only know from a vague journal post in his bedroom that he may be experiencing abuse. He becomes Lorroakan's pawn doing precisely what he wishes. He dies for Lorroakan. A man we know has been exploiting, abusing and harming him. A man who likely knew he had Rolan wrapped around his finger because he is all Rolan had left. No family. No friends. No home to return to. Rolan is a nobody with only this wizard as his grounding point. There is no one for him, so Lorroakan has the perfect plaything. The perfect pawn. He can do whatever he wants to Rolan and there is no one to save him. And the worst part? Rolan was probably content to do just that. Sure, Lorroakan might be beating him, verbally harassing him and even worse -- but Lorroakan didn't let his family die. He wasn't the cause of Rolan losing the people he loved. And we never learn that he's being hurt until after he's already dead. But if you save him? You save his family? He recognizes his worth. He has family who see him for who he is. Who see his strengths. He has people worth living for and he has the opportunity for so much growth. He recognizes, likely thanks to the love and support he has from not only his siblings - but from you as a player, that he's being hurt. He's being exploited and used and harmed. He knows he is being abused and he wants to fight back, for his sake and for the sake of others - for his family, for Dame Aylin, for you.

IDK man, I just wanted to ramble about this. Because Rolan's own survivor story covers the hidden abuse that doesn't always get talked about. The abuse of someone who desperately is trying to remain strong in the face of it. I could probably keep rambling. Talk about how he was willing to die for Lorroakan because Lorroakan was all he had left, in his bad ending. But I think I've said my peace. I got him killed in my first playthrough, but in my second (which I'm still finishing) I feel like I'm doing myself a kindness in turn by offering him the love and support he needs. I love him. A lot.

[kit-williams]

not rlly an ask, just me wanting to say ty for all your wh40k yandere fics/ideas. they get me through the day <3 (especially those with the raven guard trio)

aww thank you!

I mean I have to thank @moodymisty for posting the initial idea of her writing a yandere space marine that I literally could not wait to read it that I just had to write something. (Like for real the initial post about the thought of a yandere space marine/black templar on her blog is what kicked it off and without that Brother Roland wouldn't be here)

Also if it sounds like I'm deflecting praise... I kinda am... it just feels weird to be praised at times... I'm kinda like Perturabo where it's like I wanna be praised but also like I know I'm just doing what I do...

But I'm happy that my menagerie of space marines make people happy. Like I've been gushing to my husband that I'm shocked that people like them so much here... I might polish them up and post them on ao3... maybe when my tiny night lord is a little older and isn't as demanding my attention. But I digress...

I have been gushing to him about all the kind words everyone has been saying and the several people whom I've inspired... it really feels weird to be on the other side of the fence of having people love your writing and not being the person gushing to the other writer.

I also gotta thank @wolf-tail for my partial success in the 40k space for their space marine husbandry prompt that helped spiral me more... which is slowly being lewded by my anons and askers (I'm sorry)((but also not?))

I do find it funny how my D&D crossover/au Primarch thing isn't what caught on but literally me being like "Lets make these boys yandere"

YES I AM RAMBLING I JUST GOT HOME FROM WORK AND I GOT A LOT OF JUST FEEL GOOD EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW ABOUT THE COMMUNITY I FOUND MYSELF IN!!!!

Also gotta thank @bispecsual for literally tending the fungus farm and like your wonderful tags that helped kept me going in those early days with the yandere boys.

Also to all my anons (who I really hope is actually multiple people and not just like the same person even if you were I still wanna be your mutual) I really have to thank you all... and I hope someday ya'll feel comfy enough to tell me who you are and let me follow you; even if its just some side account to your main just the support ya'll give to me makes me feel warm inside.

This post is long enough right? But yeah um tl;dr... thank you

[grapecaseschoices]

I discovered so many cool ifs thanks to your blog. I must say your taste in characters and stories is exquisite. Do you have a certain type of favourite ROs as in are there some romance tropes that you always go for? I'm a sucker for the emotionally unavailable ROs, so Orion and August have me in a chokehold rn. I'm honestly having so much infamous brainrot after reading that amazing demo. Do you prefer gender-selectable or gender-locked ROs? I personally don't mind either way as long as they're well written and portrayed. And you're so right we need more NB/Trans ROs for sure! Specially more that are POCs! <3

Oh, anon you don't know how much this makes me SMILE! Not so much about my tastes (though I'm smiling on that too, you flatterer :-P) but because of the IFs. I think Interactive Fiction is such a delightful medium with SUCH potential, and I love trying to stuff it into more people's faces.

Oh, man. I've actually been thinking of this -- because I once semi-jokingly said/had the thought that I always go for the characters of color [that's not TRUE, but I feel like I'm more inclined to give them a chance regardless of trope as long as I find the character intriguing enough] because I want to make sure they get love. So, I feel like I haven't really been looking at games/stories through tropes of late -- because IFs haven't yet reach a place where I'm afforded that? I don't know if I'm making sense.

BUT this question definitely took me back, lmao. And it is going to expose why TWC will always be on my neck, as well as that I am a LITTLE bit of a liar (because thinking on this made me realize though I may try and be broad with my interests to support characters of color, my subconious is a clown and likes what it likes werew lmao).

TL;DR I do love the stoic ones. I do love the ones that seem indifferent and/or cold or just So Serious and Don't Have Time For Your Tomfoolery but also have a sense of humor, a sense of justice/loyalty, and can get super soft/flustered for MC (but not just mc but their loved ones:

A du Mortain 🤡

Orion Quinn (Orion chuckling at Rowan's jokes privately? I knew he was the one for me BUT THAT SOLIDIFIED IT. I AM GONE FOR HIM)

August Pierce (letting themselves be suckered into things by their sister, being flustered by MC in a romance??)

Calderon (Andromeda Six)

Elliot (OFNA) - though I haven't gotten far in ofna.

D (atoc)

I love the soft and bright ones. Sometimes they're sarcastic (but to a point. There's a reason why I love the Scott McCalls more than the Stiles Stilinkis), they're mischevious. They don't need to have a dark past but I'm not against it. They're still KIND despite all they've gone through. Their hearts are just so BIG. And if you throw in a bit of friends to lovers? I'M THERE.

F Hauville.

Bash (a6)

I think Victoria might fit here, but more of a hardened shell version (which I wanted to add I feel this type has a lot of subcategories that I also enjoy). A more defiant version, a version who is less impulsive, more in control? idk what im saying. Which I'd also put Ayame from A6 here.

Skye Cortéz from Skin and Scales.

I feel Kiran from Unseelie will fit this.

Those are clear off the top of my head but there are other ones I like. I love characters that have poise but also are cunning (I think A from ATOC would fit here if you need an example; Sabir from the Exile, Straasa from TSSW, Leonie from Reaper's Bay .... that theyre all black is a coincidence -- one I JUST realized wqere lmao), I love childhood friends to lovers as I stated, I love enemies to reluctant allies to friends to lovers, I love second chance romances (or reunited friends that turn to romance). I'm blanking at personalties, right now. I'm sorry.

Oh, negl. Sometimes I go for the 'fuck everyone but you' Villain. I like it when the powerful "bad" guy (gn) is obssessed with MC. Like, not an RO but for an example Falk. Or an actual RO Manerkol from The Soul Stone Wars. Krios from Dying Stars.

Sometimes, but not always, I go for the hopelessly devoted and utterly loyal to MC bodyguard sort like Kai from Reaper's Bay. Devoted and protective does usually get my pitter patter - like John from Made Marian, but like I said not always. Especially if OVERPROTECTIVENESS can be a point of discussion between the pair (ie mc and the ro).

There are other stuff but i am blanking right now.

As for gender, I don't care generally -- but I do tend to shy away if there isn't an NB option when they're gender selectable, and if there isn't I want at LEAST ONE NB ro (more than one) that isn't gender selectable. I like it better tho when it's all gender selectable or like two are gender selectable and the rest are set genders but evenly so.

and yes that SPECIFICNESS -- you make a point I hadn't even thought of: DEFINITELY need more trans/nb options, PERIOD, but please writers and artists should consider having them of color as well!!

[hdsouta]

↺ ... INTRODUCING : TRAINEE 093 ; ITO SOUTA .

𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐈𝐄 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐄 ▸ BORN ON MAY 11, 2003 IN NAGASAKI, JAPAN. SIGNED EXTENDED TRAINEE CONTRACT UNDER 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐂 ON AUGUST 2020. NOTABLE SKILLSET(S) INCLUDE DANCE / VISUAL.

penned by bon for hydra labels.

CHECK OUT HIS STATS, PLAYLIST, AND PINTEREST.

hi everyone! i go by bon! i'm 25, in the est, he/she/they, and a full time student with a full time job. still, i'm sure i can be around a lot if not enough ok... also feel free to follow me on pinterest and i will follow back haha also ignore how ugly and messy my whole account is because i have too many FUUUUcking muses. thanks! i will also eventually have a playlist on spotify so tune in for that ok.

anywho, i'm here to introduce my new bean, ito souta, who i made specifically for this rp on a whim because i really wanted to join it... i've been eyeing it for a few days, so i'm so glad i got in today! well, i'll go ahead and write some stuff about him below:

basic stats.

full name: ito souta.

nicknames: soda.

age: nineteen.

birthday: may 11th, 2000.

gender: male, he/him.

quick personality tl;dr. (very original, i know.)

positive traits: supportive, cheesy, loyal.

negative traits: ruthless, vulgar, pressuring.

likes: dancing, music in general (specifically pop punk and hip hop stuff), sports (specifically basketball), pvp video games, uhm idk yall this is hard CRIES

in general, i like to think that souta is very egotistical yet somehow also very charismatic and outgoing. he probably gets annoying when he gets too far up his own ass, but it's how he deals with the hard work he puts in to be an idol without results (or so he thinks). he finds himself losing a bit of hope every new day because he's been doing this shit for so long... and with an injury he got when he had just started training, which almost impacted his future career.

in some of his very first few weeks of being accepted into the company, he fell on his shoulder doing rec activities during some down time (or however it works lmao), which gave him an injury he had to basically force himself to work through. due to this, it's definitely not healed right, but it's good enough in order to keep him thriving in the company and working towards his debut. still, it hurts on and off, and he tries his own physical therapy for it, but you know, it be hard sometimes ya feel.

uhmmm... i think otherwise he's a hotshot. i like to think he's the one that's always searched up on pinterest or when people scroll the profiles of groups, they always stop to double take him. that's part of his ego ish, because he knows he's hot shit and people turn heads at his appearance. it sometimes gets in the way of his logical thinking, but you know, he's a kid... so what do you expect?

on another note that i wanted to mention... he used to want to be a basketball player, and if he didn't go into the idol industry, he would have 100%

i'm kind of just spewing stuff and i think i will either edit this or make a new like info post whenever i get some real solid shit for him!!!

otherwise, i will say a little bit about me. i am 25, in the est tmz, prefer he or they pronouns, and you can call me bon or bonbon. the loml is ateez, and i would d*e for them in a heartbeat. i also love block b, omega x, and a few other groups. i'm always open to talking about things even if they aren't rp related! if you'd like to add me on discord, just lmk <3 i can give you my tag!

i'm going to get some FOOD now because i'm hungry and then i will reply to people as well as fish around a bit more. i can't wait to write with everyone and please excuse me if i seem a little off or don't understand jlskdf it's been a hot minute since i've been on tumblr to rp as well as been in an idol group (it's been YEARS since this one).

[thewolfwarriors]

HTTYD Art Wrap 2022!

tl;dr: I found my passion for drawing again and have been doing a lot of self healing by not only working on my old fan fictions but also posting them. I've fulfilled childhood dreams by doing art I wish I had done 15 years ago when I first started reading HTTYD. Life's too short, dudes, make that wolf fan fiction come true! Here's the art I did in 2022!

ALSO!

YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN SO AWESOME! Ive been in happy tears at least 3 times because y'all are so cool and nice to me. Not just nice but like, playful and funny and cool! I'm so grateful for the attention y'all have been giving my work!

LONG POST OF ART ahoy!

In June, I found my full passion for drawing again! It started off with many small doodles that I've yet to post, because I haven't scanned and colored them in! I have a giant stack of paper of just HTTYD stuff! Fan fiction, head canons, comic strips, tons of stuff!

From the bottom of my heart, thank you everyone who has been liking, reblogging and interacting with me! You've all really helped me gain confidence I didn't realize I needed when it came to posting my work! I'm having so much fun here on tumblr!

My biggest happiness has been bringing these two back together. Snotface Snotlout and Mewgull! Literally one of the first plot devices I made when I first read the books in '07 *joints crack in glee*

I got to draw them as youngin's and adults! This was a huge step for me! Just seeing them like this ALKJFLAJKWER I don't know how to describe the happiness and satisfaction I feel to actually work on their story and to actually VISUALLY SEE THEM!

(Mewgull and Snotlout becoming friends / Snotlout and Mewgull Post War [How/Why He's Alive] )

I got to draw them as youngin's and adults! This was a huge step for me! Just seeing them like this ALKJFLAJKWER I don't know how to describe the happiness and satisfaction I feel to actually work on their story and to actually VISUALLY SEE THEM! I'm certain I had art of them back in the day but I lost nearly everything in 2012! (I was also too shy to post a lot of my fan fic work...as I am today)

Honestly, Gumboil was a huge help in finding my sea legs. He's a simple design and easily adaptable to my style!

I even got an animation out of him!

It didn't start out with Gumboil though! I naturally wanted to start drawing my wolf characters first! It's what I knew how to draw and something was bothering me....MADGUTS WAS A WOLF WARRIOR AND I NEVER DREW HIM YET I HAD HIS DESIGN IN MY HEAD FOR A DECADE! There maybe a 2.0 but this def rocks my socks for now.

LOOK AT EM! LOOK AT THE BIG BOYYY

This is probably one of my favorite pictures I did. I love how it turned out! Sure the story behind the picture is kind of sad [Hint: takes place around Book 10] but it was my first real (in my heart) success at combining traditional and digital mediums! It's when I decided to give everything a "storybook" feel to it.

Anyway, I have tons of sketches and other things I could add to this post but I thought I'd keep it short n sweet, so I stuck to what I only posted on Tumblr! I've only been here since December so it ain't much.

Thanks for all y'alls support <3

[nature-played-a-trick-on-me]

I've been following you for a while and I really admire your strength and will to get better! It is so, so difficult to even get to this part, you can be so proud of yourself even tho it's still more than difficult to get through the getting better phase. (note: better does mean whatever this means for you and not necessarily becoming a functioning member of capitalism) I am rooting for you and sending warm hugs!

That said: Your bf doesn't seem to be mature enough to be in a relationship at all, independent from your struggles. Because he is not willing to get better and he seems to be completely inconsiderate towards you and I bet this is a problem he'd have with another person, too. So this is not on you! I know it is not my place to say anything here, but I don't even know you or him but always feel disappointed in him when you talk about him. And if he doesn't make you feel good about yourself and doesn't support your healing journey as he should, then I don't know if he deserves to be part of that journey... And I think you need to think about if he really does help you on that journey or if he's (even unintentionally) hindering you. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you or you him, but gotta be real here: sometimes love is not enough, when a person (him in this case) still has a ton of growing up and self-discovering to do.

Thank youuuu I really appreciate this 💕💕💕 (lov for the wide definition of getting better as well)

It's difficult because in many other situations he is super considerate and happy to help out. I also often come here to vent and less so to gush about him so that might skew with how he seems.

We asked him to call me at a certain time with his decision and it worked, and we had a good conversation about it all. I definitely want to have conversations around issues before drawing my conclusions too strongly.

I know myself and I can easily get upset or overwhelmed and I don't want to make decisions based on those feelings, it's better to talk it over when I'm calmer and then I can figure out how I actually feel about the whole situation (instead of going by the initial 🚨🚨WAAAAH🚨🚨 induced by overwhelm and flashbacks )

We talked about his comments on my housekeeping recently and it ended up clearing a lot of stuff up and it's not really an issue anymore, so I do sort of trust we can talk through other issues as well!

His parents' house is on the verge of being a hoarder home and unfortunately getting increasingly full and dirty and offers to help out aren't accepted by his mother, his dad is ill and cannot help - it's just a complex situation he can't fix and neither can I. The atmosphere can be really bad and tense and it's not a place he can grow in and I'm getting so uncomfy there that I've asked to spend more time at my place instead. It's hard to overemphasise how choking that place is, he can barely even make a cup of coffee in peace... he's thought about therapy but thinks there's little point in it while he lives there. I don't entirely agree ( I mean a therapist could help him cope) but I do agree that moving out will probably improve his mental health in the long term and will give him room to grow.

Bf is on a waiting list for his own place with some support, he should be nearing the end of the waiting list in the next few months. I expect that moving out will help him and us a LOT. No longer having 24/7 hovering and not being in a dirty overfilled home... him living alone will also be a bit of a struggle at the beginning I think but ultimately it'll make things better for everyone.

TL;DR is like. I can react really strongly emotionally due to ptsd and other stuff, and in those moments I need to pull the hand brake and not act on those emotions in that moment.

When I've calmed down, we can successfully talk through things and figure them out. And he is moving out in the foreseeable future, where he will have more room to grow as a person.

[spoopers-bloopers]

Hi! if you don't mind me asking, what exactly is the Bucket Au?

Hi yeah thank you for asking!!! It's a big thing do I hope you don't mind it'll be a bit of a long answer so I’m just stuffing the ramble under a cut!!

tl;dr I wanted more about it posted but I’m currently at the end of a burn-out so I needed a break, but I had the AU on my mind almost the entire time. Small summary on some context for stuff so far, why it’s called Bucket AU, and some plans and also a mention of some other project.

---

Originally I was going to draw/write more and just let it be found out for itself, but art's been rough lately and Splatoon's an easy distraction. (and a lot less emotionally taxing... listen I love Omori for it but it's a really heavy game to constantly have on mind!) Also, I've been trying to take care of myself more so that means going outside now, haha;; I went on a vacation, even, wow...

So I guess I'll just say the meat of it, Bucket AU is a post good end au where Omori appears and lives with Sunny in the real world. It's actually meant to be a more serious AU that's sometimes funny, sometimes cheesy, sometimes morbid.

The main part of it centers around Sunny visiting Faraway a few months after moving to an apartment. Everyone is back to greet Sunny and meet Omori, and Stuff happens to make this possible. I think I got a good plotline going, it sure will be a useful tool for later.

As for the reason it's named Bucket AU, well, it's full name is "Emotional Support Bucket Omori" because one of my friends likened him to the Bucket from Stanley Parable Ultra Deluxe. If you know you know.

Its back-end is all memes and funnies simply because it's more fun for me (and my friends), I'm not really a serious person so effectively a bunch of it's just going to be light-hearted shenanigans with a character that Isn't Quite Human and kinda lacks a moral compass. I will not hold back when stuff does gets serious, however.

In other words, most of its content is exploring Omori and what he would be if taken out of Sunny's head, with a few twists. Omori just wants to help :)

Everything about it so far is under the "Bucket AU" tag on this blog, and everything story is planned to be accessed through the AO3 fic, even comics. (but they have to take place in the story, so side comics are probably just staying on here.)

So when's more content? Whenever I can finish what I have, honestly it's a huge project that I've already made a bunch of stuff for, but finishing it is incredibly hard with me being... still pretty new to full-on writing. Drafts, drafts, upon drafts just for a few thousand words. Maybe I'll even reach the ten-thousands...

So if any part does finish it will be bigger that what I already have out, longer chapters, more comics, y'know. It’s a skill I’m trying to get better at, it's still something I'm doing in my free time between other projects. In fact I still have a Celeste blog to finish a story for. (and for those of you here from that, I've already written it, I just need to draw it! Asks will be toned down for more "intermission" posts.)

Aaaand I think that's a decent place to leave this ask so feel free to send more if you have more questions, and as a bonus, the more I think about the AU, the more motivated I am, so chat with me about anything on it! I certainly need the reminder... whistle whistle-

[multi-lefaiye]

i have kept this question in for far too long and now i must ask: who is Spencer Fucking Middleton

hello thank you for asking, but also i am so sorry because you have unlocked the part of me that Will Not Shut Up About Fictional Gas Station People

short answer: spencer middleton is one of my favorite characters from the Tales From the Gas Station series

long answer: okay so Spencer Fucking Middleton. he is one of the main/recurring antagonists of one of my all-time favorite horror/comedy series, Tales From the Gas Station. he's mean, nasty, stinky evil man who kills a Lot of people and does the dirty work for various evil entities and gods. and i love him so much it's fucking unreal.

my blog title is kind of like. poking light fun at myself b/c part of me used to be paranoid of someone accusing me of being a spencer middleton apologist and trying to excuse the horrific evil shit he does in canon, so i just decided to go ahead and own that. yeah i think spencer did a lot wrong but he should do more things wrong actually. (just kidding i don't, i think he should see a therapist and calm down a bit)

i still need to finish reading the series in its entirety but spencer like. i used to hate him so much but he's grown on me so much!!!! like. i do think i'm reading into him probably more than the author intended, but there's just something about him that makes me really like him.

(by the 'reading into him too much' part i think that like... the author did not intend for spencer to have redeeming qualities, but i genuinely think if spencer had actually gotten support and probably some therapy instead of being treated like a monster his whole life and ostracized from everyone, he probably wouldn't have started hurting people. can't be sure, and i don't think that excuses his actions on any level b/c he made his own choices, but still.)

like. ok i'm gonna describe some of my favorite Spencer Moments below the cut to try and explain what i mean. under the cut b/c because some of them are violent and i wanna be careful. i won't go into detail about it but uhh content warning there's gonna be mentions of murder/death and general Violence™

SO ONE OF MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE SPENCER MOMENTS IS IN BOOK TWO. oops caps

but anyway like... okay so the main characters found spencer bloody and bruised and unconscious, and they tied him to a chair just in case he'd try to attack them once he gets up again. and when he wakes up he starts IMMEDIATELY going full Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss.

like... gosh ok this requires context- the tl;dr of the context is that in the first book, jack (the main character and the lil guy in my icon) accidentally killed someone spencer was working with, kieffer. WELL thing is most people don't know that happened, but spencer does, and he immediately used that to start slowly turning people against jack and regain control of the situation. i don't have the book with me right now so i will retype the dialogue from memory:

spencer: let me guess, jack told you i kill people.

rosa: he said you're dangerous.

spencer: dangerous? no, you've got it all wrong! i came out here to keep an eye on him, to make sure HE doesn't hurt anyone! how do you know you can trust him?

jack: hey, asshole, do you know how much it sucks to live with what you did to my leg?

spencer: awww well i bet it doesn't suck as much as what you did to those people you killed. why don't we ask kieffer? or my old boss?

jack: hey, i didn't kill your old boss!

rosa: ... what about kieffer?

spencer: [shit-eating grin]

--

okay i'm sorry this is so long i just love that scene??? like. something about a character who is in a situation where they have no control IMMEDIATELY finding a way to regain control just by being a manipulative piece of shit. i love that.

my other favorite spencer moment is the one a few scenes later where he's in a fight with a shapeshifter that looks exactly like him, and this MOTHERFUCKER really pauses to remark about how hot he is. i love him. i hate him. i love him.

--

anyway ok last thing. i promise. i'm so sorry for how long this is. i just want to share a tupperbot joke i made with spencer that still makes me laugh.

[Image Description: A screenshot of a discord message creating using tupperbot. The message is from the character Spencer Middleton, and it reads: "I came out here to attack people and I'm honestly having such a good time right now." End ID.]

[fireemblems24]

Post Grondor Field AM Analysis

I'm prefacing this by saying that I'm still not sure I can write a good analysis of this scene for two reasons:

1. I don't know what comes after, and

2. I'm very emotionally involved in what happened.

But I tried my best. One thing is for sure though, what happened in Grondor in AM was an incredibly significant turning point for AM and Dimitri and my thoughts and analysis on it will definitely expand as I keep writing about and playing the game.

Part of me is just so happy I got to see Dimitri's supports, have the inevitable turn around, and get to do things like tea and dinner time again that it's hard to be objective about this scene.

And by "this scene," I don't mean that actual fight at Grondor, but everything from Fleche's attack to Byleth's words in the rain later.

It wasn't all about Byleth . . .

Given how poignant Dimitri's character arc has been so far, I had a deep rooted fear player-pandering would ruin it. Byleth, as a concept, isn't bad, but too often the heaps of praise feel underserved and other things (like Claude's intelligence, Edelgard's relationships with everyone else) get ignored to make more room for player-pandering.

Thankfully this did not happen. Byleth, throughout the early chapters of AM's part 2, failed to reach Dimitri. And, honestly, seeing Byleth actually struggle for once has done wonders for how I view her character. Still, I worried that player-pandering-power, rather than something that felt earned, would cause the inevitable eye-opener for Dimitri.

But it wasn't just Byleth. Fleche's vengeance kicked everything off, what veered Dimitri away from his fate in other routes. He accepted his death at her hands, not bothering to defend himself. Rodrigue stepping in the way and his parting words forced Dimitri to confront things he'd ignored. Throughout AM so far, people have posed questions to Dimitri who refused to answer them because he didn't want to face what they asked. But Rodrigue dying for him, spending his final words telling Dimitri to live for himself - combined with Fleche's attack - forced Dimitri to confront things he avoided. It wasn't until after all of that when Byleth steps in.

And Byleth didn't "fix" him either. Dimitri's supports show a young man who's still very much struggling with his mental health, poor self-image, his previous actions, and wondering if he deserves not only to live for himself - but if he even deserves to live. Byleth didn't hand-wave Dimitri's problems away.

Everything about the scene is stronger because it didn't fall back on player-pandering, but more earned, realistic, and dramatic actions and consequences - including Byleth's involvement which felt far more earned than usual because of prior failure.

But I wish Dimitri's friends played a bigger role.

Not everything was perfect though. I wish we got a little more than we did from Dimitri's house mates - especially his childhood friends Sylvain, Ingrid, and extra special mention to Felix and especially, especially Dedue.

Throughout all of AM, none of the above mentioned characters feel utilized to their full potential. This isn't a problem exclusive to AM, and by all means it's far from the biggest offender, but given how close all the ties are in AM, it's felt when it's not there.

I still don't know what exactly I would've done with them. Maybe I'd need to make the game an actual novel to do it, and you can't forget how perma-death has historically held back games at times, limiting major moments to a select few "retreat" candidates.

Still, though, getting a bit more from Ingrid, Sylvain, Felix, and Dedue would've made the scene even more powerful.

I actually really liked the scene in the rain.

I haven't made it a secret that I dislike Byleth. Or maybe disliked is more accurate. Lately I've been rethinking my stance on Byleth, in part because I've heard from people who like her or found ways to make her work and from my own thinking about the game while planning future write ups.

I don't think it's Byleth I really dislike, but the player-pandering. Separating the two isn't easy, but it's easier since I've starting coming around to seeing Byleth as her own character.

There's been a few moments that made me care for Byleth, and this scene in the rain was one of them. Because she didn't just fix everything. She tried and failed for months to reason with Dimitri, and despite everything she never gave up on him or failed to keep offering her hand.

I'm not going to lie. I got all the bubbly, heartwarming, heartbreaking feels the writers wanted me to in this scene. Seeing Byleth reach for something and fail, and then finally, finally get through was rewarding in a way many of Byleth's prior accomplishments aren't because this one felt earned. And by God did she earn it.

Some people will likely disagree with that last point, but I disagree with them. She asked Dimitri hard-hitting questions, forcing him to come to unpleasant conclusions rather than trying to force him into anything. She kept Dimitri from veering to far off course, even at expense to herself when she killed Randolph. She saved Dimitri from Fleche when he refused to save himself. She quietly supported him, coaxing out the good she knew was still there and refused to give up on.

I'd never in a million years say someone in real life should put up with Dimitri's toxic behavior and verbal abuse, even considering his extreme trauma and aggravated mental illness. But seeing someone fuck up so badly still get forgiven, still get supported, still struggle but honestly change for the good, still get loved, start to accept and forgive himself through the power of love and forgiveness from others is very powerful, especially since media so often downplays those "softer" things as weakness in comparison to the "badassery" of ambition and stoicism. Using Byleth, who previously had little experience with feelings, who was encouraged to experience them in healthy ways by Dimitri, return the favor isn't really the worst choice.

It's cliche, but cliches aren't always bad.

The mentor dies. Redemption in the rain. Revenge against the protagonist's actions opens their eyes. Etc . . . This scene was chuck full of cliches, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Tropes serve an important narrative purpose because a writer can rely on them to convey a message to the audience that either saves time or sets them up for something unexpected or even expected. Fire Emblem has always and will always be incredibly cliche and full of tropes. It loves tropes so much there's in-universe ones that make some unit or character discussions sound like a foreign language to people outside of or new to the fandom, talking about "Ests" and calling someone a "Camus."

What matters is if a story pulled something off well, not if it's terribly unique. A mentor dying is powerful because it forces the student to grow. Redemption in the rain is high symbolic of water washing things away + the somber atmosphere rain creates. Someone trying to get revenge against a character provides an eye-opening experience about the ripple effect of their actions. We see these things in fiction all the time because they work.

All the tropes worked like expected in this scene. Using images instead of cut scenes did make less of an impact, but more on that later.

Tl;dr: There's nothing unexpected or terribly unique about what happened. It was honestly painfully predictable, but that doesn't make it bad and is in a series that does this all of the time.

The voice acting carried because those images can't.

A major downside to this scene is that it used vague images instead of a cut scene. I get that budget and time were likely concerns, but many cut scenes from earlier in the game seem rather trivial. Did we really need that dance one? Really? I don't think so.

This was a hugely important, action heavy moment. Using one or two still images to convey everything that's happening and all those emotions, really makes it less than it could've been.

That said, the voice acting saves it. I've raved about how amazing Chris Hackeny is as Dimitri, so nothing new here. Rodrigue's and Fleche's VAs also did a fantastic job. No one oversold or undersold the emotions. Even without the cut scene, you felt what happened thanks to the skill of the actors. This scene would've been so much harder to engage with without them, if this was an older FE game where all you got was text. This is 100% one of the moments highly elevated by the decision to have a fully voiced game and choosing high caliber talent (let's not talk about Radiant Dawn's voice acting).

Questionable support timing.

One issue I had came right after the scene when I viewed Dimitri's supports. The nature of some - like his with Raphael and Alois - didn't quite line up with the character I saw in dialogue right after. I wish they staggered them a bit more or got picker about what you could get in part 1 or 2.

This isn't limited to Dimitri either. In the same support batch, I also got a Marianne B support where she still had no confidence or self-worth. And then like 10 minutes later I talk to her in the monastery and she mentions about how seeing all the death in Grondor made her value her life even more.

In the past, I've also received entirely valid opinions that Dorothea in part 2 is hard to understand because she's cherry and flirty in her supports, and morose and hates the war in her monastery stuff, making her seem inconsistent.

It's a bit jarring. It's not really an issue for characters who don't change much like Edelgard or Raphael, but even for characters with more subtle differences than Dimitri, Marianne, and Dorothea - like, say, Lorenz - you get a lot of weird stuff because of supports. I just think Dimitri's stands out because he's a main character with a really prominent, important turning point for his growth.

[tookishcombeferre]

Fandom Discourse

I have many special interests, and so my blog is very eclectic. But, I wanted to stand in support of a couple of folks who are having a hard time in the fandom belonging to one of my special interests. 

I don’t usually like to pile on, but ableism in this fandom is rampant, and it’s time I said something instead of just feeling sorry for myself. 

More on this under the cut.

Firstly, I want to elevate the voice of @phandombigotryarchive and @your-angle-of-music who have pointed out a lot of really really important things that I am, as a white person who loves the music in Phantom of the Opera and Erik, still learning, educating myself on, and researching. 

I know, for certain, that I have probably intentionally reblogged things from folks in the fandom and/or inadvertently supported folks on AO3 who are actively making this an unsafe space for POC and trans fans. For that, I am deeply sorry and want to do my homework better before supporting artists/writers who are not showing human decency. 

Thank you both for the work that you, and others, are putting into the fandom to make it safer for everyone to interact with. 

Additionally, I want to speak to my own relationship with this fandom as an autistic person. I knew, as I read through what was being said recently, that it was time to make my own post about something that has been bothering me about this fandom since I entered into it at the age of 13 long before my official autism diagnosis. 

To me, as an autistic person, Erik’s story always resonated with me as someone who is neuroatypical. Erik was living and observing neurotypical people while not knowing how to or having the ability to enter into their community. However, he LONGED for it. 

As an autistic person, this made a lot of sense to me. I, too, felt isolated from most other people, even if I was in close physical proximity. It was like a mirror where I could see out into the world, but the world couldn’t find me. So, I found the ALW imagery very applicable to the way I saw the world as early as 6. 

However, as I entered into the fandom and read fics from other writers, Erik remained trapped behind an inability to communicate EVEN when he and Christine were in a long standing relationship. He was flighty, obsessive, and just down right weird. I began to wonder if that’s how my romantic relationships would be, and if I would ever be able to be “a normal person” in a relationship with someone else. 

Erik in most fanfics, even in one’s I’ve mostly liked, does not get to develop beyond the way he is written in ALW or Leroux’s work. We’ve spent so much time making him “in character” without ever exploring the possibility that Erik might be able to engage in his special interests and develop into a fully functional autistic adult. However, I think, that is in part because we like to demonize and/or infantilize and/or fetishize him.  

Erik is not a baby. He’s not a sweet innocent child. He has killed people. He’s done wrong. He is capable of feeling emotions very deeply, including anger. He has a lot of depth that can be explored in fic. But, we don’t. We often reduce him to the weirdly-attractive, strange speaking, Angel-man behind the mirror. 

I find this most apparent in the way people write Erik’s dialogue.

The way Erik speaks, in the third person I mean, has always been an issue for me when I read fan fiction as well as the original Leroux text. As someone who talks to themselves quite frequently to help process sensory overstimulation/remember tasks, though not necessarily in the third person, I find it really uncomfortable how people use this in fic. I’m uncomfortable because Erik usually does this either when he’s super angry and beating up on Christine OR when he’s super sad and acting like a child. There’s never any mention of Erik talking to himself in the third person (or at all) when he’s pretending people are interviewing him about his latest composition or when he’s just trying to remember something important. 

For me, it’s the context that’s important. 

This is just one example of what the demonization and/or infantilization I’ve seen in fic in this fandom. 

Others include but are not limited to: 

1) Erik’s (often violent) meltdowns:  

Why are they problematic in fan fiction in this fandom: meltdowns are not just glorified rage fits. They’re scary and overwhelming. I usually fall asleep on the floor shortly after having one. I don’t just yell, throw something, scare people, and then sulk. If I’m violent at all, it’s towards myself. 

2) Erik’s obsession with Christine

Why is it problematic in fan fiction in this fandom: a lot of people sort of poke fun at Erik’s social ineptness when it comes to dealing with his romantic feelings for Christine (for example the life size mannequin of her). Yes, Erik loves her. However, do we really have to perpetually treat him like a high school boy? Do we have to make his crush really predatory just for character development? Is this really the only thing he loves? The answer to all of these questions is no - in case you were wondering. 

You know what I’d like to see Erik love more? His music and his organ. Can we give Erik’s organ and his music the love and rightful place in his life that they also deserve? For once, can we acknowledge that Erik’s special interests are as important to him as Christine? No. We can’t. We won’t. 

3) Putting Erik in socially uncomfortable positions for character development

Why is it problematic in fan fiction in this fandom: Neuroatypical people’s pain is not for you to profit off of in your fics. Period. It’s not character development. It hinders our character development. I am not a more “well developed character” for the number of socially awkward/ bullying situations that I’ve been forced into. Putting Erik in crowded spaces and giving him panic attacks sucks ass. No. Stop doing it. Find a better way, or just stop writing it all together. 

This is not an exhaustive list, but it is something that I’ve wanted to bring up for years. It feels nice to get this off my chest. 

TL;DR: Erik’s passions, lack of social skills, and other “quirks” of his character always made him a character I empathized with because he was like me. I don’t understand why people use these same quirks to infantilize, fetishize, and/or demonize him. I, an autistic adult, am not a child, not a fetish, and not evil. 

[thepictureofsdr]

Hey, what are your theories on what happens in Chain of Thorn. Like, obviously, we want Thomastair, and we want Jordelia, we also want Matthew to be happy. So, can you string a theory in which all of this happens?

hey anon thanks for the ask!!! I am so sorry this is long I just have a lot of thoughts

personally, I don't think we're going to get a fully satisfying conclusion, there's far too much happening and far too little time. This series is very different to what we've seen in the past, the main cast has a lot of emotional trauma from each other, rather than having each other to help with trauma from outside situations. they've all been through an alarming amount, and of course mental healing takes a lot of personal work and time, so either we're getting a time skip or some VERY rushed healing.

I think in this situation, my ideal COT would have all the conflict resolution in the beginning. I talked about thomastair in this post, they would get together in the beginning and we could watch them grow over the course of the book. cordelia and matthew stop hiding from their problems, cordelia goes back to actually being there for her heavily pregnant mother and chronically abandoned brother. james and cordelia sort everything out, they all have a talk with matthew and he decides to get help. while he's away for a bit, we see lucie and jesse try to make a case for him to stay alive. I feel like the family would agree so we could watch the institute petition to take him in, it really depends on what direction CC wants to go with for jesse's story. while I'm madly in love with the joshwood ship (kamala and eugenia) I hate to say it but I think we all know its not going to happen. id love to see alastair and kamala become friends, and with his support have kamala realize that she's never deserved the bullshit of anna. we'd get a confrontation scene and anna can spend a few chapters re evaluating her privilege and ignorance. with all the emotional fiascos sorted out hopefully in the first third (I hate how rushed it would be but it's only one book :/) we could have actual progress for the rest of the book, because ngl im sick of drama being dragged out with annoying tropes, interfering with easy plot solutions, and then suddenly being resolved.

no more of this miscommunication, secret keeping, lying. I think everyone just needs to open up and be honest, so we can have some actual emotional growth and healing over the course of the book as they all work together to tie up the paladin and belial situation. personally I really dont care that much about the technical plot I just really want the character arcs to be done justice.

alastair - gets to apologize to everyone properly and begins to forgive himself and heal. he also gets some apologies from the thieves, gains a friend group, and hopefully one of the parents steps in to give him the support elias ripped away. spends the book learning he holds value and his trauma wasn't his fault, that he can move on and he's loved.

thomas - gets closure for barbara and learns to let himself exist beyond the "kind" box everyone shoves him in. he and alastair have had wonderful communication from the beginning so they just need to keep doing what they're doing

cordelia - realizes she isn't at fault for the paladin situation and forgives herself. is open with james and they properly get married

james - is very complicated. I think he deserves a lot of time to sort his own emotions out, have some time alone, have talks with the people in his life, just have the essential "hi im actually in love with you talk" with cordelia at the beginning then spend the rest of the book healing while also helping out with the plot, hopefully ends the book in a good place emotionally.

matthew - spends some time away to deal with alcoholism. comes back in a much better, sober, and stable state, so he can recognize his own feelings and have talks with his important people, especially finally letting others help him with the guilt of the baby situation. of course they all still love him and he begins to believe his love is real. begins to learn to love himself and like who he is. I dont think he was ever really in love with cordelia (talked about here) so id like to see them fall back into that easy friendship.

lucie and jesse - im not really an expert on their arc, so id love to see them slow down the relationship now that one isn't on deaths door. id love to see jesse get to be there for grace properly and watch lucie be a badass and defend jesse's right to exist bc we all know the clave is gonna have issue with that.

christopher just needs to be appreciated please

kamala - gains some independence, realizes the manipulative shit anna's been pulling isn't okay, confronts her and realizes that she deserves more. solidifies her love for herself and gets to be open with who she is

anna - gets called out on her privileged, arrogant, ignorant, sometimes cruel view of relationships and fixes herself up bc I just know CC is gonna put her w kamala.

I genuinely dont know what to feel about grace. she's been through so much, she's cute with christopher but she's caused so much pain. immediate forgiveness would be BS but she still deserves some compassion. I have no idea what could happen w her, hopefully she could talk things out with james and matthew and have a pretty decent redemption arc. get this girl a parental figure and some friends stat

also with all of this emotional maturing id like the thieves to have a talk. they genuinely love each other so much but I think they've all spent too much time neglecting or focusing on each other. their friendship has a lot of potential to be incredibly close and strong and healthy. also they could have such fun friendships with alastair id like to see them forgive him fully.

we dont need all of these characters to be perfect by the end but id like some assurances that their healing has started with support and healthy foundations. there could be a time skip where they deal with the plot, we skip the healing and see them all happy and healthy in a few years but who knows.

tl;dr stupid miscommunication resolved in the beginning > emotional healing can happen across the book > plot gets resolved without miscommunication getting in the way

[katytheinspiredworkaholic]

More personal stuff! TL;DR: I have returned, my blog shall be queued up once more, however I have to skip WIP Wednesday this week. Surprise content this weekend if I can manage to finish it, as recompense. 💕

-

It’s been a hectic few days, and the rest will be just as much but will a lot less stress, thankfully. My son had his surgery yesterday to get his tube inserts put in his ears (along with a couple other things since he would already be under), everything went really well, but I didn’t realize how much stress it was causing me preparing for this surgery. Because I wasn’t worried about the surgery, it’s a fairly simple procedure that they do constantly year round for small kids of all ages. For me worry and stress have always gone hand in hand, and I still have issues wrapping my head around how stressed out I was while being completely okay and ready for this surgery. But my son is young, he’ll be 2 in December so he’s just barely over a year and a half, he’s a baby. So -- I was a little stressed, especially with the idea of him having anesthesia.

Unfortunately, the stress made my depression wake up from it’s hibernation (usually it only hits me hard like this in the spring) and God was it crippling. To the point my SO finally took control for me and worked with our insurance (military: don’t get me started on how horrible it is to try and get mental help with their insurance) and find me a therapist. Which I’ve been putting off for the better part of a year. We finally found two that I like and are trying to contact them to see if they have an opening for new patients. Which doesn’t sound like a lot but it’s a big step in the right direction. I do feel better now that the surgery is over, but I can’t get to that place again, so this is me being proactive and hoping it’ll finally help me get the tools I need to be able to deal with when it happens again.

I want to thank everyone for the sweet notes and messages and all the support. I am terrible about talking about my mental health struggles, and usually my go-to reaction when I start to fall into them is to retreat. Hide myself away from the world so no one has to deal with it, because honestly that’s how I was raised. ‘If you can’t suck it up, go to another room until you get over it.’ Which I know is unhealthy, whichever therapist takes me is going to have a field day with my mental state. Because secluding myself is bad bad bad and spikes my anxiety and (new symptom!) paranoia, which I’ve never had before. That was rough, and I’m already busy trying to patch a few friendships because I ditched and went MIA for a very long time.

This blog is such a positive light for me, and I’ve learned it does the same for others, so I’m glad to be back and give it some love and attention. I wish I could say that I have spent this time away working on my fics, but I honestly haven’t had the energy for even that. If I can manage to finish one of my little projects by the weekend, then I will post it as a surprise <3 otherwise, this week I’ll be playing catch up. I’m already behind where I want to be with Extraordinary. But sometimes the bounce back from a depressive episode can give me the boost to be productive. So we will see what happens.  Love you all, I have missed you 💕💕💕

[bluemoose86]

My Thoughts on Honerva’s Arc (S8 of Voltron: Legendary Defender)

SPOILER WARNING for Voltron: Legendary Defender, obviously. Also obligatory disclaimer: the following is solely my opinion and should be treated as such. I know there were several production problems that led to the show becoming what it is, but I am not informed on those issues and won’t be speculating on how they specifically influenced the show.

I’M GONNA SAY IT: Honerva’s arc could have been soooo interesting if the lead-in had been better instead of tacking it onto the end of the whole “beating the Galra Empire” mega-arc. Honestly, the end of season seven felt like the natural end of the series, and if they had changed a few things it could easily have been an open yet resolved ending. The main plot-line has been wrapped up because all the major Galra Empire villains from the show (apart from Honerva obviously) have been defeated, but there’s still a lot of work to do in order to completely free the universe. The show could have ended with the Paladins getting ready to re-launch and looking towards the future, which also opens up the possibility for spin-offs or even a sequel series. IMO, everything from season 8 (and the weird Altean Robeast attack at the very end of S7) would have been much better if it had been its own series. There could have been more focus on Honerva’s downfall, how she plotted to use the Altean colony just as her son did, all the details that felt rushed at the end. And they could have developed their sub-plots more, especially the Allurance (Allura x Lance) romance if that was the direction they wanted to take. Plus we could have seen a lot more of the side characters that never got a chance to shine! Shay, Romelle (my beloved), Axca and her place at the Garrison, the MFE pilots, etc etc. 

Anyways, back to my original point: Honerva’s arc had so much potential. Seeing her transform from this shadowy, almost faceless entity who only exists to support Zarkon to a spotlight antagonist in her own right is really interesting. Reclaiming her Altean heritage while simultaneously corrupting it? Being so desperate to regain everything she lost 10,000 years ago that she would do anything and everything to get it back? Seeing how her mindset has come full circle–a woman who loves her family more than anything–yet how it has changed and warped over the millennia? That’s some good shit right there. Honerva in the show might believe she has returned to her original state from 10,000 years ago, but if you compare them, you’ll notice how even though there are glimmers of the same person, they are exponentially different. It could have been such an interesting and nuanced take on her character and really expanded on the earlier themes of “good vs. evil” that we see early on in the show. 

Another interesting part of Honerva’s character is her interactions with the Alteans on Lotor’s colony. It’s clear that she only uses them as means to an end, since she uses them as a battery for her Robeasts and kills Luca as soon as she starts talking to Romelle (and I think she kills others as well). However, if this arc had been developed over a longer period of time (say a series?? or even a 26 episode season honestly), that relationship could have been much more complex. In S8E2, “Shadows,” the entire episode is devoted to flashbacks of Honerva’s life, ranging from Lotor’s childhood to the three years Voltron disappeared. In one of those flashbacks, Honerva appears at the Altean colony that Lotor created, announcing that she is his mother, that the Alteans are great and the Galra are horrible, and that Lotor and the fake sister colony have all been murdered by Voltron and now she must help them avenge their savior’s death. The Alteans agree and Honerva takes one of them, Merla, to Oriande. As the two overlook the magical palace thing that Lotor, Allura, and Honerva visited in order to gain their magic powers, the following exchange happens:

The second image is could allude to a couple things, but one of the possibilities is that it’s referring to her own mindset–how she will do anything to bring Lotor back. She understands how Merla feels because she feels the same way. However small, and however brief, there’s a connection between them. And not just to Honerva and Merla, but to Honerva and all the Alteans because they (presumably) have the same feelings as Merla. It would have been interesting to explore how Honerva views the colonists. Does she relate to them on some level because they share a deep love for her son? She exalts Lotor the same way the colonists do, even referring to him as a god during the last Kral Zera in the show (and possibly ever). Or does she resent them? Does she harbor hatred for them because they loved and adored him when she could not? Because they spent all that time with him before she even had the chance?

Not to mention the fact that the colonists are Altean, the same as she is. In fact, there was a massive missed opportunity to explore Honerva’s views of her own culture. A major part of her arc is regaining her identity as an Altean and pride in her culture. She de-camoflauges herself, though only in private at first, she learns Altean alchemy, all the good things. And yet ... she destroys everything. She proclaims that Alteans are the best of all the races, that the Galrans are lower than scum and that Galran blood poisoned her son. Yet she goes on to manipulate and use her own people, killing them without hesitation in order to further her own plans. She destroys Oriande–or at least the statues–a place greatly revered by Alteans that she searched for her entire life. If she reveres her heritage as much as she believes, how can she turn around and destroy it the way she does, with seemingly no remorse? Add to that the fact that Lotor’s (supposed) aim for most of his adult life was preserving Altean culture. Imagine if the show had gone through with resurrecting Lotor, as it was hinted at. Assuming Lotor came back sane/with his full faculties and wasn’t being controlled by Honerva at all (which would be a long shot I know but hear me out), how would he feel knowing what his mother did? Maybe he wouldn’t care about the “using Alteans as batteries thing” since he basically did the same thing, but how would he feel about her defiling Oriande, even if she only destroyed part of it? Would it wake him up to the horrors of his ways–this person whom he despises doing the same things that he did? Probably not. But it’s interesting to think about.

I actually had more to say but the train has left the station on this topic, so I’ll just end it there. TL;DR: Honerva had so much potential and she, like pretty much every character in season 8, was robbed of her chance to shine. To everyone who made it to the end, thank you and I hope you enjoyed!

[wsgeon]

hey everyone! ummm this is peyton (also the mun of lee hyeon) taking a second shot at a second character — i have a lot of muse for this one, so i swear he’ll be around for a while… 🥵 this is ryu geon, yes his name rhymes with hyeon’s & no i do not care ♥️ he’s the lead guitarist/vocalist of meta and also the son of a former nobody rockstar, but i’ll get into all that below! like this post if you’d like for me to come into your ims to plot, click the read more for more info on geon, and/or click here to be taken to his pages: CAREER, DOSSIER, PINTEREST.

HISTORY.

born in autumn ‘97 to a “budding rockstar” (translation: “no yeah i swear our band’s really starting to take off, we sold twenty-three tickets to our last show!”) & a woman with commitment issues ♥️ geon’s dad always told him that his mom left because she had some dire matters that needed to be taken care of and SWORE that she cried the last time she held her dear baby boy, but all of his dad’s bandmates say that she was just some groupie and had to be persuaded into carrying her child to term… who can say for sure?

naturally, there are no pictures of this mystery woman. there was one (1) of her holding infant geon, but then he found out that that was actually a sound tech who worked for his dad’s band… and he just never corrected geon’s assumptions LOLLLL

anyway! he was always really close to his dad, considering they were a two-person family. he has a set of grandparents, an aunt and a couple cousins but they were never involved with geon’s life because his dad is the #blacksheep of the family. geon and his dad against the world, am i right?

uhhh geon was also kind of a black sheep growing up, but he didn’t really notice? he was a happy kid, very energetic and enthusiastic. a lot of adults in the area looked down on him & his dad, but he was SOOOO blind to it because his dad’s a god in his eyes and HE’S always been nice to everyone, so why would they not like him??? because his clothes smelled a little like dad’s cigarette smoke??? big deal

wasn’t troublesome (beyond talking too much), but a lot of people still expected bad things from him :/ “his father’s a dirtbag, i’ll be surprised if that boy doesn’t end up in jail by 20”, “he won’t amount to anything without a proper role model in his life”, “his dad is teaching him how to slack off”, “he won’t contribute anything to society”, etc. he kindaaa picked up on this as he got older but pretended not to because it was more rewarding to play dumb and keep being a good kid(tm) to prove them wrong

was basically a mini version of his dad. same style, similar features, birthmarks in the same places, same “live today, die tomorrow” approach in life, same affinity for singing & playing rock music. ummm he loved his dad a lot. a lot. a lot. wanted to make him proud SO BAD, started his first band when he was 15 and they sucked so bad but his dad was their biggest fan… you know how it is. a lot of people misunderstood him, but he was a very good guy and such a great parent

TW DEATH unfortunately he passed away just shy of geon’s 18th birthday and your boy still hasn’t forgiven the world for taking his dad when he was in the middle of his angsty teen phase — had he known that their time together was dwindling, he would’ve been so so so much better to him END TW

his dad’s band actually rocketed into the charts after he passed & suddenly they were getting loads of publicity, lots of “what a shame that he went under-appreciated” which pissed geon off SOOOO bad because why couldn’t they have had that energy when he was still alive? he’s still mad about it five/six years later

this is getting kinda long, so uhhh tl;dr, he ended up staying with the drummer of his dad’s band until he was old enough to live alone/READY to live alone, but he changed quite a bit. was really going through it, quit his band, stopped putting effort into school. barely graduated. went from being a social butterfly spending every weekend at a gig or with friends to spending all of his time on a pc or in front of a tv, playing console games. the internet comforted him when nobody else would/could and then he met the future members of meta <33333333 #newbeginnings

present day geon is still struggling, has to go to counseling bi-weekly but he’s coming back out of his shell! he wants to fall in love with life again, just wants to tread carefully... outgoing & will talk to absolutely anyone, but he still spends most of his time alone. hard to reach by text, so if you wanna talk to him, you better call/facetime LMAO. talks a mile a minute, especially if you get him going abt something he really likes. laughs a lot, smiles a lot, more habitual than actual signs of happiness but yk. ummm he has a really loud voice, mostly controlled nowadays but he still gets carried away sometimes. an absolute menace during long drives/flights, sorry meta.

funny but only when he’s in large groups. feeds off of other peoples’ energy, really good at reading a room and breaking the ice/making everyone comfortable, but if you meet him 1-on-1, none of his jokes land quite the same.

i envision him as being the kind of guy who carries himself in such a way that you’d assume he’s really popular/out of reach/maybe even full of himself, but he’s... not like that... at all... in fact, he’s kinda irritating when you get to know him. the personification of a flood followed by a drought and vice versa, always either too much or not enough. gets used/ghosted/dropped/dumped/whatever a lot because he’s soooo fun in the moment (if he isn’t in his feelings), but draining long-term.

really emotionally intelligent, in touch with his feelings in a way that a lot of people never thought he would be (probably thanks to counseling tbh). he’s very very rarely the type of person who will make you wonder what your place in his life is — he’s communicative, kind, honest. ummm he thinks that intimacy between friends needs to be more common, so he’s really affectionate with the people in his life. type of guy to tell you he loves you every chance he gets (calling you when he’s drunk, sounding like a clingy ex type beat) & greet you/depart with a hug. losing his dad kinda fucked him up in the way that he won’t leave/hang up until his friends say “i love you” back, gets kinda (re: very) upset if he’s denied that and/or a hug.

TRIVIA.

has been playing the guitar “longer than he’s been walking” (not really, but he swears it’s true).

uhhh he really likes nail art, but he’s kinda hesitant in what he tries? mainly sticks to black polish (or other plain colors), but sometimes he’ll get little designs added in as well. mainly does it himself because he still doesn’t feel comfortable in salons... if his work looks bad, leave him alone <3 he’s trying

inspired by people like kurt cobain, nicky wire, yungblud, billie joe armstrong & damiano david in the fact that he’s not against wearing dresses or skirts on stage. doesn’t do it ALL the time, but often enough that it doesn’t go unnoticed. some people say that he does it for attention because he doesn’t dress like that elsewhere and tbh they’re probably kinda right

interested in history (only SOME... dinosaurs, ancient civilizations, specialized areas like the history of circuses/clowns/skateboarding/punk, stuff like that yk), stand-up comedy & documentaries. could spend a whole day watching documentaries and would say he had fun, has a lot of useless knowledge that nobody gives a fuck about and is kinda dumb when it comes to things that matter

when it comes to music, he prefers playing really fast and heavy rock or punk over anything else, but he actually listens to a lot more soft indie on his own time... he’s too tense these days to be listening to anything else RIPPP

the vibe: homemade tie-dye, ripped slipknot t-shirts, frosted tips, neon crocs with alien & peace-sign charms, chipped black nail polish, calloused hands, cheesy pick-up lines used NOT to land a date but to pull a smile, driving until he’s lost, stupid socks paired with pressed suits, dramatic poetry in an iphone note, etc. 

PLOT IDEAS.

people he met through online support groups about coping with grief

uhhh an on & off relationship that’s been going for who-knows-how-long. the reason for this is up for discussion, but i imagine that he hasn’t given up yet because the constant highs and lows are a good source of inspo 🤪 artists must suffer for their art!

opposite side of the coin — someone he’s interested in, but he’s NOT disloyal so it’s a pattern of persistent courting when he’s single vs intense friend-zoning when he’s not and they’re getting tired of trying to figure out what he wants from them

someone else who likes nail art & can convince him that NOBODY cares if he goes to a salon

someone (probably female but doesn’t really matter tbh) who feels like his feminism is entirely performative… maybe they attack him directly for it or maybe they just REALLY don’t like him and they’re super vague about it idk. either way, please tell him that activism is much more than recommending one female artist a year and saying “clothes have no gender 🤪” so he can be praised for the bare minimum (his heart is in the right place but his skull is empty)

someone super introverted who comes out of their shell with geon! uhhh maybe they think that he’s the one doing them a favor, but in reality spending time with them has been doing wonders for his mental health

other people who like to skate. let’s congregate at the local skatepark and scare the middle schoolers away

someone who inspires him musically, for whatever reason. lots of late nights in studios, idly strumming his guitar and writing lyrics that definitely aren’t about how their eyes look in these dim lights… umm maybe he thinks he has a crush on them but really doesn’t and ends up hurting them eventually, maybe he really DOES have a crush but will (probably) never do anything abt it or maybe it’s entirely platonic and he just admires them a ridiculous amount

someone who likes to make music as a hobby, prob won’t publish/release any of it but it’s fun to imagine. spontaneous meetings with geon in the middle of the night, recording songs together and keeping the WORST takes for the laughs. there’s probably a diss-track of them going in on each other floating around somewhere even though geon can’t rap for shit

night owls who keep him company on the phone, even if they can’t be there physically. them talking really quietly vs geon shouting at them while he plays games LMAO

gaming buddies. come over, maybe you can carry geon through his game of the week or you can both fail but have fun while you’re at it… or you can scream while he fends off that hoard of zombies behind you

i’m typing this at the last minute (literally) so i’m gonna stop here, but i will get a proper plots page put up asap with a wider variety of connections!!! but as always, please do let me know if you have any other ideas. i’m always happy to plot and write with you all 🌚

[mego42]

#like I don’t care about press generally #but when it says stuff I like I care a lot .... SO RELATABLE 😂😂😂😂😂😂 how many times have I read something that makes me so mad and I’m like oh that’s crap they’re lying they don’t know what they’re talking about and then they go and say something Brio positive and I’m like YES YES that’s what I’m talking about I love these people they’re going to give us exactly what we want.

hahahahahah YES EXACTLY. listen when it comes to cast/showrunner interviews, the percentage of attention i pay to them basically breaks down to the following:

cast interviews: 0-3% the 3 being only when they say something I like, otherwise I ignore cast interviews entirely, actors are coming at the story from a completely different headspace and tbqhhhhhhh their POV is like, the least important bc they aren’t shaping the story, they’re just finding a space to live in it. not only that, but their POV isn’t necessarily even grounded in reality bc they are playing fictional people who do fictional things and while i am not personally 100% on this one, i hear fiction and reality are very different things.

ex a: matthew with dean, of course he’s going to say sympathetic things about the character, he has to live in his head and make him believable, you can’t do that if you don’t find a point of empathy and understanding. do i think matthew supports everything dean does? no, he seems like a super stand up dude and tbh i love him a lot so like, bias and all. but of course he’s going to defend dean, his literal job is to be dean and any good actor will tell you you can’t do that well without finding something to connect with which brings me tooooooo

ex b: manny with rio! i remember there was an interview thing i saw awhile back where he was talking about rio as this guy who is doing what he does to take care of his family and he’s modeling the character on people who lived around him growing up (forgive me it’s been awhile, i’m paraphrasing so idk if this is 100%) and rio’s human, he’s not all bad or all good which i agree with both in terms of the character and like, people in general. but also, dude murders people. dude orders other people to murder people. dude uses terror and very, very real, serious, and again, fatal consequences to keep his control. rio is not a good person, right? like, we all know that right? we would probably not like him in real life, again bc of the murder. i just want to make sure we’re clear on this. THAT SAID, in fiction, as a character, he’s fascinating, well rounded and extremely magnetic and the way manny plays him is fascinating, well rounded and extremely magnetic and a lot of that is because he’s gotten into his head and found a point of connective empathy to build on but when he talks about rio like a good dude with an unconventional job i’m like okay, but murder.

(and as an aside, this is part of why it drives me lowhighkey bonkers how much shit christina gets for the way she talks about beth and dean but that’s a whole other thing please leave me out of it, it just makes me cranky)

the point is, actors? not coming from a remotely audience POV and tbh their opinions on their characters are like probs some of the smallest potatoes when it comes to dictating where the story is going so literally who cares if they’re saying something you don’t like.

showrunner/producer interviews: 13-27% again, the 27 going to when i like what they say, 13 for when i don’t but i’m still curious how they’re framing the ep/season/whatever. bc i am a nerd and like knowing how people think about their work vs how i feel about it bc i think that’s interesting

the thing about showrunner interviews is, like actor interviews, they’re working with a completely different POV than the audience. they know what they’re planning and writing towards and also what they want the audience to be currently thinking about and also what they want to say to prime the audience to react to stuff hey know is coming. trying to predict shit based on showrunner interviews is like trying to play a game of three dimensional chess from inside the board against someone outside of it and also you’re in two dimensions. it’s pointless and most likely just gonna give you a headache. 

not only that but creating a thing is a really really really different experience from absorbing a thing. to do it in a satisfying way, you can’t just focus on the stuff you like or the stuff you don’t like comes through, drags the rest of it down and it’s a bummer for everyone. much like actor stuff, you have to find a way to connect with every part of your story to ensure it’s all getting the care and focus required to make it sing for your audience but unlike the actor stuff, you’re doing this on 16 additional levels.

and finally, look, sometimes (oftentimes) the showrunner is going to like and care about different stuff about the show than random audience member #473, tumblr user dianepleasesitonmyface or reddit user redditisafuckingcesspoolohmygodwhyareyouonthereloveyourself (and all three of those might have v dif priorities too) and they’re allowed to feel that way AND write for that because..........drumroll please...........it’s their show.

basically showrunners are going to do and say what they’re going to do and say and sometimes it’s going to be ridiculously problematic and they should be roasted until the end of time for it, but a lot of times it just is what it is. it’s not worth getting worked up over bc literally what are you going to do about it except bum yourself out over something you don’t have anywhere near enough puzzle pieces to even accurately asses anyway.

my b apparently i had less of a short breakdown and more a pile of thoughts,  feelings and baggage i wanted to ramble out. 

tl;dr: i've been trapped in my house like a sewer rat for over a year, i don’t care what matthew or manny or christina or jenna want me to think or feel about the show bc they are not the boss of me thanks for coming to my ted talk i guess.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

which bmc scenes make you the softest bc for me it's gotta be most of the stagedorks scenes ESPECIALLY a guy that i'd kinda be into. mostly bc of christine cause her and michael are my favs (i love them all sm though) but also bc of jeremy because he is a close second to both of them. also vimh but vimh makes me cry a lot although nowadays i can hardly watch one scene without at the very least tearing up. anyways yeah which ones make you soft

i simply rewatched bmc and took notes for this and really got off track at points in the sense of sticking to What Makes You Softest but that’s how it goes babey

ACT ONE - in mts when jeremy is just having a whole moment being smitten in christine's presence while she's inelegantly picking herself up off the floor and smearing on lip balm and adjusting a skirt wedgie - jeremy and michael just being default that glad to meet each other in the middle of a random schoolday - michael hyping up jeremy's crush on christine and just encouraging this momentum to get jeremy to sign up for the play - ilpr.....that christine stops after like, the first two verses and goes back to her book b/c she doesn't figure someone's looking to listen to her beyond that but then she sees jeremy's still 110% paying attention and the whole rest of the song enfolds with increasing enthusiasm - jake doing that whole bit "all the pressure i feel to be the best at everything all the time" lmao classic stuff here, depressing content delivered in this humorousse way. charming moment - "leave me alone, i've had a bad day" - 2pg......when michael taps jeremy on the shoulder to get jeremy to join in on his choreo, which jeremy then does.....that michael asks if jeremy will be too cool for Video Games and jeremy just responds Emotionally Directly......we love the Favorite Person moment......that this song just ends with the two of them grooving 2gether god bless - jeremy stammering and Tics and Fidgeting when the squip remarks uponst it - jeremy delivering the Looking Pretty Sexy Brooke as awkwardly as possible and she's just like "thanks :)" - jeremy's own Theatricality coming out......hey hamlet - jeremy spinning around in place alternately addressing both brooke and the squip with "oh i'm supposed to meet my friend michael" - nice little detail wherein brooke signals for chloe to join in on her choreo - speaking of, v fond of the Moment jeremy is in on both their choreo......brooke sort of alarming jeremy with her whole attempted grande finale, straw and all, ft. the first instance of her messing with his hair so much she's just tugging his entire head around - cute that jake and rich have a sort of 2pg-esque handshake routine too - jeremy's "that's sad, what should i do" reaction re: jenna - rich's Earnest invitation to come over and play xbox... - "bonjour, jeremy" "ooh brooke!" and this whole exchange, her complimenting him, him laughing at "That Was French" and remembering to ask about pinkberry - love the whole choreo sequence/s in sync up, especially fond of his Moments with the girls, bumping hips with chloe (twice), hearing some Gossip from jenna, posing with brooke.... ;__; - the bowling alley performance art exchange before agtikbi ;____; - agtikbi......the glittery hearts choreo.....the whatever! the interlude or whatever!!! the I Guess A Part Of Me section hhhhoughhh ;o; ;o; ;o; ;o; ;o; that she pulls him into a hug and puts her head against his shoulder omggg ;_________; - brooke just trying to interact with jeremy the Right Way w/o any guidance on the bleachers and it continues to be awkward and funny....like comforting just his Leg while he converses w/his squip.....how she just ends up Physically pushing him around by the hands and head and shoulder and etc......whole situation here in upgrade.mp3 clearly less than Ideal but jeremy and brooke are nevertheless very cute individually And together - meanwhile jake also trying to genuinely Be With christine in upgrade is also charming lol, quitting archery to hang w/a girl like her.... - i always love when the Playful Shove brooke gives jeremy at "but at the mall, you looked at me" pushes him back a whole few steps....this moment of them truly Getting each other sans anyone else's interference.....tres magnifique - jeremy being That psyched to see michael for the first time (in like, less than one full day lol)....michael being That psyched just hearing that jeremy's cool scifi thing worked out after all - lgw ;_________________________; - like i'm some normal, handsome guy..... - giving us All that silence after "The Problem Has Always Been Me" - the whole bit where he launches into the "I'm Not The [series of insults]" and i've realized it's really especially a stretch to say i'm Soft for these moments in lgw but i Am vulnerable and that's its power. little 1" tall will roland on my screen here just made me shed a real tear doing That.....

ACT TWO - brooke's Howl at the end of her verse lmawooo - oughhh jeremy and brooke Greeting each other at the party too, jeremy unable to disappoint her and going for the Real Compliment, just v charming. rip - jake and jeremy's danceoff lol hell yes and then jake just having Misunderstood the costume plan between him and christine lol - the squip getting in on the dancing :) go you funky little ai - jeremy and brooke singing that last verse of Halloween v enthusiastically at each other, - again that jeremy is just genuinely glad to see michael.... - the inherent intimacy of singing mitb b/c your bff dumped you..... - AGTIKBI REPRISE..... ;______________________________; hhhhuouuuoh my god :'3 the lil detail that at the Height of things christine is Shy and turns away.....just. This Scene oh my god - soft in a vulnerable way like, rip to jenna where we're seeing chloe's Lack Of Enthusiasm in accepting a call from her :[ - the Shift at the start of the pants song :] - and the lil mitb reprise during said pants song lmao, also always having a great time w/this concept of "maybe this teen having a rough time needs some guidance from someone grown w/all that bonus maturity here" - i wish there was a way i could help everyone but i don't know how so i guess i'll just do theatre..... - jenna being Moved simply being asked for the first time ever How She Is u_u then her being like "....Okay!" lmfao jenna's great - just have to say in whatever context i'm v fond of pitiful children there at the end lmfao the bass kicks in like that and we're having a great time - the audience always having that response to "all the way to broadway" - jeremy going "you came to see me in the play? :)" like, that he's processing the significance of that in the middle of these Very Raised Stakes - i'm soft for will roland's vocal glitching mouth noises live every night!!! - jeremy like "ha! >:)" flipping his squip off after he's successfully Apologized lmfaoooo love him - but then having that real And I'm Stronger Than You Think I Am victory like :'| - that michael's been by like a ton btw during jeremy's probably somewhat concerning coma. also cherish the lil dance he does while they're celebrating mr. heere's bepantsedness - jake and jeremy sharing a Dab - and just the Popular Kids actively seeking him out to help re: christine b/c they just Want To Be Supportive.....very nice - this vimh interlude or whatever with christine and jeremy like jlsdfhh i think of this all the time - me and the voices in my head have made up our collective mind ;__; what do they say we should do ;______; and the Woohoo! ;_______________; - huoughh kiss and you KNOW especially the [jeremy spinning away in sheer enthusiasm] of 2.0 just KILLS THE MAN ;O; - jeremy not missing a beat despite the squip's interruption leeet's GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - the more than survive na na na na na na na na na na na's but they're all So, and jeremy ending With everyone but also there with Himself and it's so Good and Everything Wants What Vimh Has!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hhrough ;0; - that jason does that spin at curtain call w/his excellent squip costume... - that in virtually any given curtain call when they get into line together there's that lil ritual of george smacking will's ass lmao love languages

i mean tl;dr quite Same in that like, most likely to inspire tearing up over something or other includes agtikbi reprise and vimh which is just like, again any finale wants what it has, and the I Guess A Part Of Me bit of the non-reprise agtikbi like Oof augh this is so cute, and lgw always Gets me, and while i was rewatching speaking of being soft and move-able i was also just continually struck with delight over various moments throughout, and noticing little details for the first time thank god. just Vulnerable the whole time