#till's likely. during an experiment

[crustyfloor]

Content warning (light) : Experiments / Abuse / Body and eye horror tw(?)

The album cover is sick as hell, I initially thought it was skeletal parts, but it looks the most like an MRI scan showing a brain with a lot of abnormalities, including signs of head trauma.

The most profound detail I found in the "brain" is the dark spots.

Dark spots in the brain are usually the result of a brain lesion, a permanently damaged area of the brain usually caused by injury, infections, exposure to certain chemicals, etc. General trauma.

If it's someone's brain, I suspect it's Till's brain. aside from Luka, he has been through the worst of the Alien's mistreatment since he was a child, under Urak's (the bastard's) care he had been exposed to much abuse. The sheer harshness and hostility of Urak's "training" make it obvious why he was probably one of the only pets to withstand it all.

Life-long injury in some form is surely a given to me. Seeing as it's already been mentioned that because of Urak's abuse, his pets rarely make it to the end because of the mental issues they had developed, and experiments can kill them before they even make it to the stage.

Back to the brain, it has a lot of abnormalities (especially in its appearance). I can't explain much, I'm not a neurologist. But based on the research I did the the most damage seems to be near the Frontal lobe and the Precentral gyrus.

source source source

This could explain Till's already implied mental problems, one of them (In my opinion) being some form of dissociation, round 6 was the most telling as his behavior was out of sorts having been broken down he changed drastically, throughout the whole round he was emotionally distant, i'd probably describe it as him being in a daze.

And his hallucination of Mizi during the karaoke scene could be a symptom of that to ease out of the moment.

(I also see that as more of a coping mechanism for Till, but I'm taking it into account for this since it's likely.)

Experiments always looked intense, I wonder just what chemicals and substances he was exposed to, in one of the opening scenes of CURE we're shown what looks to be DNA splitting, or duplicating? there could be a multitude of reasons for that. But it makes me curious just how deep this goes, and how much it affected Till. There is a lot of things about him that could be explained with Urak's presence in his life.

Having his brain tampered with to such a degree, I think we'll start to see the horrific effects come to light here soon.

[uitzinnigmp3]

.

[hayatheauthor]

10 Non-Lethal Injuries to Add Pain to Your Writing

New Part: 10 Lethal Injury Ideas

If you need a simple way to make your characters feel pain, here are some ideas: 

1. Sprained Ankle

A common injury that can severely limit mobility. This is useful because your characters will have to experience a mild struggle and adapt their plans to their new lack of mobiliy. Perfect to add tension to a chase scene.

2. Rib Contusion

A painful bruise on the ribs can make breathing difficult, helping you sneak in those ragged wheezes during a fight scene. Could also be used for something sport-related! It's impactful enough to leave a lingering pain but not enough to hinder their overall movement.

3. Concussions

This common brain injury can lead to confusion, dizziness, and mood swings, affecting a character’s judgment heavily. It can also cause mild amnesia.

I enjoy using concussions when you need another character to subtly take over the fight/scene, it's an easy way to switch POVs. You could also use it if you need a 'cute' recovery moment with A and B.

4. Fractured Finger

A broken finger can complicate tasks that require fine motor skills. This would be perfect for characters like artists, writers, etc. Or, a fighter who brushes it off as nothing till they try to throw a punch and are hit with pain.

5. Road Rash

Road rash is an abrasion caused by friction. Aka scraping skin. The raw, painful sting resulting from a fall can be a quick but effective way to add pain to your writing. Tip: it's great if you need a mild injury for a child.

6. Shoulder Dislocation

This injury can be excruciating and often leads to an inability to use one arm, forcing characters to confront their limitations while adding urgency to their situation. Good for torture scenes.

7. Deep Laceration

A deep laceration is a cut that requires stitches. As someone who got stitches as a kid, they really aren't that bad! A 2-3 inch wound (in length) provides just enough pain and blood to add that dramatic flair to your writing while not severely deterring your character.

This is also a great wound to look back on since it often scars. Note: the deeper and wider the cut the worse your character's condition. Don't give them a 5 inch deep gash and call that mild.

8. Burns

Whether from fire, chemicals, or hot surfaces, burns can cause intense suffering and lingering trauma. Like the previous injury, the lasting physical and emotional trauma of a burn is a great wound for characters to look back on.

If you want to explore writing burns, read here.

9. Pulled Muscle

This can create ongoing pain and restrict movement, offering a window to force your character to lean on another. Note: I personally use muscle related injuries when I want to focus more on the pain and sprains to focus on a lack of mobility.

10. Tendonitis

Inflammation of a tendon can cause chronic pain and limit a character's ability to perform tasks they usually take for granted. When exploring tendonitis make sure you research well as this can easily turn into a more severe injury.

This is a quick, brief list of ideas to provide writers inspiration. Since it is a shorter blog, I have not covered the injuries in detail. This is inspiration, not a thorough guide. Happy writing! :)

Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks? 

Check out the rest of Quillology with Haya; a blog dedicated to writing and publishing tips for authors!

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[foone]

Bad idea: Age gap discourse but in a fantasy land where there's multiple races who have vastly different lifespans and life styles.

Is it wrong for a 27 year old human to date a 140 year old stone elf, considering most stone elves don't get out of diapers till their 30s?

Is it wrong for a 80 year old dwarf to date a two year old fire wisp, when fire wisps only live up to 5 years (between the eruptions) and have memories of their past lives, so in a way they're "born" at age 400,000+? That octogenarian dwarf is way younger than the fire wisp that's only physically younger than some of the socks the dwarf has!

Is it wrong for a chronomancer who was never born to date, well, anyone? They are zero years old and infinity years old and negative one hundred and seventeen years old all at once. They look like an old human, sure, with the long white beard and the wrinkly skin, but as far as anyone can tell, they've always looked like that. We've seen the cave paintings.

Is it wrong for a 30 year old lizardman (that's old in lizardman years) to date a human who is 60 years old in biological years (because of aging spells), 26 years old in lived-experience years, but only 13 years old in calendar years? (ie, they were born 13 years ago, but spent some of that time in sideways timelines, so they've lived more years than have passed in their home timeline?)

Is it wrong for a 12,000 year old dragon date a pile of 400 kobolds when kobolds only live like 10 years on average, but reach full maturity in one year? And if you disagree, can you do anything about it? You do know what happened to the last policeman who tried to arrest a dragon, right? Their city is still smoldering, 50 years later.

Is it wrong for anyone to date the time worm? It's the same age, every year. So the age gap can only intensify. If you start dating the time worm when you're both the same age, when do you break it off because you've become too much older than them?

And most confusing of all... What about the fairies? They could be anything between a thousand and a day old, they would lie about their age either way, and they can look like whatever they want. There's fairies we know for a fact have been around since the founding of The City of Towers, who met the silent mother herself, and also look like they're at most ten years old. Is it wrong to date them, or just really uncomfortable for everyone who sees it? And on the other side there's fairies who are "born" (hatched? They come from plants, I'm not sure what the verb even would be. Seeded? Sprouted, maybe) this week who are already appearing like middle-aged men and dancing with widows in what looks like a scheme to run off with her fortune but they never take the money, because what would a fairy want with worthless metal discs? Maybe fairies have a hive mind or genetic memory or reincarnation with full memories, they'd never tell you or give you a straight (or consistent) answer anyway.

Stonefolk are really the only inter-race dating situation anyone can agree on. They're unthinking & unmoving solid rock during the day, so those hours don't count. Thus their "real age" is a nice even half of their true age. So if you meet a stonefolk who was dug out 30 years ago, watch out: that's a 15 year old, and if you're a 25 year human, that's too young for you, even though their dig-date is five years before your birth-date.

EDIT: 2024/01/12: Changed the name of the Stonefolk

[strangererotica]

EXPLICIT CONTENT | MINORS DNI

Art the Clown x Reader SMUT • headcanons, how Art fucks, what he gets off to, etc

big content warning! contains some stuff that may gross you out; read at your own risk: menstruation kink, piss kink, oral sex, anal sex, object insertion, blood kink, various weapons mentioned, bondage, human hair and bones, butts and what comes out of butts, public sex, cockwarming, mostly dom!Art and sub!reader

🔪 Remember the work desk with all of Art’s weapons and tools on it? He knows you want him to fuck you, but he’s got shit to do (meaning weapons to build) so he lets you sit under the desk, cockwarming him while he works. You’re on the ground between his knees, patiently holding him in your mouth. When he finishes constructing his latest instrument of torture/slaughter, Art pats his palm against his thigh, wordlessly telling you to climb up into his lap and ride him.🩸

🔪 Art enjoys blood and guts, so it goes without saying that during your period, he’s particularly eager to fuck you. He can detect the slight change in your scent, usually aware you’ve begun to bleed even before you know. He plays with your pussy like it’s a new, special toy when you’re bleeding, spreading your lips and tracing his name on your inner thighs in red. Seeing/touching/tasting blood that comes from you is special to Art. It’s the only time he gets to play in blood without it being the result of him hurting someone, so that makes the experience unique for him. He saves your used pads for ‘alone time,’ using them later as a ‘sleeve,’ to masturbate with.🩸

🔪 Art sometimes fucks you with unconventional objects, like the handle of one of his weapons (knife, axe) or the neck of a bottle. If you’ve displeased him but he still wants to fuck you, he might deny you his cock and instead use something else, like the handle of one of his knives or the barrel of an (empty!) gun, to make you come instead of his cock, as a degrading ‘punishment.’🩸

🔪 Art loves bondage. He knows what he’s doing when it comes to tying knots, as evidenced by the multiple victims you’ve watched him restrain. He enjoys the power dynamic of being in absolute control of another person. When that crosses over into sex, you both get off on him tying you up and doing whatever the fuck he wants with your body.🩸

🔪 Art’s methods can border on sadistic at times (I mean how could they not??) but because he wants to keep you around to play with for the long haul, he never pushes you beyond the limits of safety, no matter how many new ways he comes up with to plug every hole in your body. If we know anything about Art, it’s that he’s perceptive. He studies the way your body responds to different forms of stimulation and mentally catalogs the information for later. All of his skill in crafting tools of torture means he’s able to create customized ‘toys,’ to fuck you with. But the thing is, they’re never normal, or sweet; they always contain something fucked-up and sick. Art once surprised you with a whip he’d put together for you. Its strands were soft and felt so good gliding over your clit. You came so hard when Art whipped your pussy till it was puffy and leaking. It would have been a wonderful gift, if you hadn’t realized later, upon closer inspection, that the strands now wet with your cum were in fact strands of human hair. And the custom dildo Art made for you, the one that was so smooth and colored beige/white? You later found out Art had chiseled and smoothed down a human bone to make it for you. The information almost made you sick on the spot. Art found your horrified reaction hilarious, of course, and it didn’t stop him from laying you down and fucking you with it all the same…🩸

🔪 ANAL ANAL ANAL ANAL ANAL ANAL …

He loves to fuck you in the ass. Art’s a nasty little motherfucker when it comes to the stuff that comes out of butts, and I’m not gonna elaborate here, but you can use your imagination to follow where I’m going with this…🩸

🔪 Art has zero inhibitions: he kills anyone, anywhere. Imagine that relating to sex; of course he’s going to fuck you wherever he wants, including places where you might get caught. Sex in public/risky spaces feels natural to Art, because he literally does not give a single fuck. Remember the first time you ever saw him? When you stumbled out the back door of that sleazy little bar in your home town, so drunk off your ass you thought you were leaving through the front? Art was in the alleyway behind the bar, black garbage bag hoisted over his shoulder, not even looking for anyone to fuck up but when he saw you, he knew he’d found a victim for the night. He’d planned to stalk you home and do unspeakable things to you-but as you took the lead and approached him, there in the alleyway, he was caught off guard, his whole plan upended the moment you slid your arms around his waist, stood up on your tiptoes, and placed a soft, sloppy kiss on his cheek. He was awestruck, and even if he could speak, Art would still have been at a loss for words. You walked him backward a few steps, lining him up against a dumpster in the alleyway. You began fondling him through his costume, grinning when you realized his body had already begun to respond. One thing led to another, and within minutes, Art had you bent over that dumpster, with a fresh hole torn in the front of his costume where your bodies were joined…🩸

🔪 No one would associate The Miles County Clown with tenderness, but if they knew Art, they would see a softer side of him only you do. He’s still fucking deranged, don’t get me wrong. But Art also has moments of vulnerability, when there’s nothing he wants more than to hold you. Sitting in Art’s lap, he wraps his arms around you and stays still, so still, just enjoying the soft thump of your heartbeat against his, and the low hum of your breath on his chest. Your nearness calms the monster inside Art so well that sometimes, he forgets he is the monster itself…🩸

🔪 Another benefit of having you in his lap? Art realized he could use his strength to make you stay in his lap no matter how badly you had to get up and take a piss, forcing you to wet yourself all over him. You felt him gradually getting hard under you as you began to wriggle on his lap. Art could see your discomfort, and when you told him you needed to get up and take a piss, he refused to release you. You’d expect him to be smiling at you at a time like this, silently mocking you; but the look in his eyes was deathly serious, pitch black and full of a demented lust that would have had you locked you in place even if his arms hadn’t. Blushing into his shoulder, you accepted the fact that Art wasn’t letting go of you any time soon, and that he really was into this. He wanted this to happen. You allowed your bladder to empty, a soft trickle saturating your panties, followed by a steady stream of hot piss that spread over Art’s lap. His clothes were soaked through below the waist, your piss running down between his thighs and dampening the couch cushion beneath you. Art was rock hard by this point, his wet cock throbbing against your pussy. He lifted you off his lap just enough to reach between your bodies and position his tip against your entrance, then used your piss as a lube to slide inside you…🩸

[obae-me]

How He Kisses

Hey there, so things are...kinda awful right now, and while I don't want to fully distract myself from my other works I'm chipping away at, I did want to post something a bit short and sweet to hopefully- well, saying "to make everyone feel better" feels sort of self-inflated, but if I can make everyone stop and think about something happy for just one second, that's more than I can ask for. I have no idea how similar this is to my hug headcanon ones. Not really checked for too many errors, this was all kind of done in the spur of the moment, but I don't think that matters too much.

Lucifer

Proper and slow. He likes being patient, kissing you once before pulling back to look at your face. He feels a sense of Pride when he can see the effect he has on you, knowing that he can comfort you like this. He's a perfectionist, he likes the whole experience to be included. That's why he likes to do it more often when you two are alone, knowing he has the freedom to do whatever it takes to make this moment perfect. Whether it's music, a lit fireplace, over a dinner, under the comfort of a blanket, everything is set up for you. To show his love for you, nothing less than high quality will be accepted. The kiss is simply the bow that ties everything together. And he'll take his time to relish in this moment with you.

Mammon

Fervent and greedy. He cannot contain his love for you. Even around his brothers, he lets it slip. So when you find yourselves alone, it's like pulling the lid off a stuffed container. Your eyelids, your ears, your forehead, cheeks, chin, lips, none of them shall be spared in his spree. It's almost frantic, as if he doesn't get as many now, he'll never have them again. He craves all of you, and he wants to be only yours in equal measure. Love, soul, attention, all of it is for you. It's as if he has to make up the seconds lost whenever you're apart. He never wants it to end. He hardly breathes. Every one is just as good as the last, and he is focused on making it just as wonderful an experience for you as well. After all, he wants you to be greedy too. Tell him your every desire.

Levi

Eager and grateful. Push past the anxiousness and the self-doubt, and you find a Levi that adores you more than anything. Like an ultra rare drop he can't get anywhere else. If he can stand in line for days for something he wants, he will stand with you till the end of time. His kisses show that, how deeply in love he is for you. Given the chance, he has the confidence to prove to you how special you are to him. Every kiss gets him more excited than the last, and in turn, he's determined to do whatever it takes to make you feel just as joyous as he is in these moments. Thank you for being here with him, your presence means more to him than you currently know, and he'll spare no effort to start showing you that.

Satan

Meek and curious. Whether or not it is considered if he's kissed someone before, every time he kisses you, it feels like the first time. He almost always has a distant look on his face, as if he's thinking about a million other things at the same time, and every million of those thoughts is something about you. He learns something new every time and commits it to memory. Which way your head naturally tilts, where you prefer his hands to be, how many you like, how long they take, he's going to remember them all. Well, he says that, but oftentimes its as if his mind wipes after every kiss. It's hard to think during those moments. But he's not worried about it, that just means he'll have to keep going. He has no plans to leave your side anytime soon after all.

Asmo

Uplifting and addictive. He likes to kiss for every occasion, every emotion. Happy? Kiss. Excited? Kiss? Sad? He says he saves his best kisses for those moments especially. Maybe it's shared love that makes his kisses almost tingle, or maybe its some kind of magic. It makes you feel light. And he'll give you as many as you want. He adores kissing you, not able to get enough of it. It's as though he's almost on clockwork, having to give you an embrace at perfect intervals throughout the day. He can't get enough of you, and he can't help but get giddy at the thought of running to your side and letting you know exactly just how much he loves you.

Beel

Warm and encompassing. Gluttony often gets mixed up with Greed, but this is one of those instances where the differences are clear. Every kiss is slow, and feels as if it lasts several lifetimes. It's as if he's drinking you in, savoring this moment in it's entirety. Of course he'll come in for seconds, and thirds, and fourths, but it comes steadily. Something about his kisses fills you with a warmth that's hard to describe, similar to soup or a hot beverage seeping through every part of your body to endure the coldest of days. It makes your toes curl like they're in warm socks. It makes you feel as if nothing can get to you. And with him around, nothing will.

Belphie

Soft and persistent. No amount of drowsiness can stop him. Even if he's asleep, the demon that will normally sleep like the dead will wake himself up and make sure to give you a kiss. They're so gentle, and it's difficult to tell if its tied to his personality, or if he's afraid of hurting you. Sometimes they're as light as a feather, almost tickling you. If you're falling asleep, they'll never wake you, only guiding you towards sweeter dreams. With every movement you make, you'll almost recognize the sensation of his kisses. They're like a promise, an assurance, that even in the deepest darkest of dreams, he's right there. They always lull you into a sense of peace.

[monstersholygrail]

Hii 🙈

Sorry to bother you but any chance you could do another like the post you wrote awhile ago about witches connecting monster cocks to their dildos? Or a different version where women feel what a male monster is doing? 🤞🏻🤞🏻

Thanks in advance either way ☺️

Bother me all you’d like, precious!

And AH OK! The way I was thinking about doing this exact thing too! I was totally surprised to see the ask where I got that idea get hundreds of notes. I didn’t think it would rlly be seen for a number of reasons. But I was very pleasantly surprised. And it got me wondering if people were interested in seeing a full version of it.

So you legit answered my prayers, anon. Because I’ve been pondering for days and was gonna reblog the post tomorrow asking yall if I should turn it into a full fic!

With this turn of events I think I totally will!

Because just imagine this monster is enjoying his time way too much. Constantly coming till there’s a puddle of his own release soaking his bed. He thinks he can’t possibly come again, his cock so soft it may have stopped working.

When suddenly he feels the warmest and tightest pussy he’s felt during all these weeks. He cums instantly and yet after he’s still hard. The way your pussy just opens up for him yet he can tell you’ve never taken someone of his size. It’s pure heaven.

It’s by far the best experience he’s had of his life, the best sex imaginable. If your pussy was that perfect then you had to be out of this world. Now every time someone uses his mold he can’t stop comparing them to you. He cums less when others use the mold, the feel of others no longer getting him off as good. He waits desperately for the feel of you again. If he doesn’t get it soon he doesn’t know what he’ll do.

[k1mbe3rly]

PLS WRITE ABOUT SEMI 😭😭😭 nsfw alphabet?

ofccc i love her😩

Se-mi NSFW alphabet

⚠️WLW⚠️ sorryyy i see her into girls mainly 😓

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

After a rough fucking, she is so sweet, she’ll ask if your okay and helps you clean up, and maybe if you aren’t too tired a bath together

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Her favorite body part about you is your boobs, she loves to lay on them, and suck them

Her favorite body part about herself is definitely her hands, she loves to finger you, touch you anything she can do with her hands she uses on you

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Makes you drink her cum, and would also swallow your cum as well, as well ask making you cum on her strap on

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Her dirty secret is wanting to make someone who likes you, watch yall fuck to prove that your only hers

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

She’s pretty experience but not much, definitely got more experience when she got with you, but over all she knows what she’s doing

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

her favorite position to fuck you is doggy style and missionary (strap on)

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

She’s kinda serious but does do like one unfunny joke than goes back to fucking your harshly

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

I’ll say she shaves often but obviously not everyday

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

she’s very into the moment and only focus on you

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

no comment, but she barely masturbates

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

her kinks are degrading, praising, and hair pulling, and maybe a bit of cum play

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

honeslty anywhere she can fuck you with a strap, mainly the bedroom tho

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

neck kisses and dirty talk

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

harsh slapping or anything to cause you too much pain is a big no

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

she loves eating you out, seeing you squirm around and moan for her is her biggest turn on, but she does love it when you eat her out

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

oh hunni she’s really ROUGH, till the point where your whole body shakes at her thrust and the bed moving along

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

she is so down for a quickie, loves to finger you so fucking fast it’s crazy

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

takes risk she doesn’t not gaf, she’s that YOLO type of girl

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

she can last many rounds but would stop if you feel tired or if it’s too much

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

just a vibrator and a strap on AND a dildo (just for double penetration)

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

she’s loves to tease, most definitely edge you

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

just low moans and pants

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

has an album of your nudes

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

the strap on is 7 inches at most, maybe she’ll get another one to be 8 inches.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

normal amount, normal numbers of fuckings unless your super needy

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

right after she’s done taking care of you she’s gone into a deep sleep

[pianostarinwonderland]

Hello hello guys!! I participated in the Octazinelle zine 😳👉👈 and this was the fic I wrote!

Link of the zine is found in the notes section. I really hope you enjoy!

graduation [octazinelle: high tide fic submission]

in the few months they have before getting ready to leave for internship, floyd and jade go through the turbulence that future uncertainties bring: where will they go, what will they do, but most importantly... what will happen to their relationship with azul?

ft. floyd leech, jade leech, and azul ashengrotto

╰┈➤ 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: hello hello!! i participated in a zine titled octazinelle: high tide! you can find the full zine through here~ this was a very fun project and i'm so excited to post the fic i wrote for you guys ^^ i really care about this fic so much, so there will be additional notes that i will leave somewhere :3c don't worry, they won't be hard to find fufufu

“Floyd Leech.”

Said student is just climbing down the steps of the lecture room when he hears his name being called in an austere manner. Any remaining students in the classroom cast Floyd that ‘oh boy’ look as they leave the room. Floyd looks to the teacher’s table where Professor Trein stares at him sternly. He returns the stare with a miffed look, but he approaches the professor nonetheless.

“This is the second time this week that I have caught you sleeping in my class,” Trein rebukes. “This may be your last semester in Night Raven College before you go on your internship, but that doesn’t mean that you can be negligent in my class.”

“Uh huh.”

“Don’t give me that attitude, Leech. I do not want to give any penalties so late into the semester, but if I catch you sleeping one more time, I will. Do I make myself clear, Leech?”

“Yes, sir.” 

“You may now go.” 

Floyd steps out of the classroom with the same expression as he wore when getting called out. Damn Professor Red Squid, if you don’t wanna give detention, then just don’t, he thinks to himself. Meh, oh well. I don’t feel hungry at all, should I even go to the canteen? But where do I even wanna go? Everywhere’s so noisy. 

He walks for a bit, hands in his pockets.

Ah wait. 

There’s the supplies arriving today for Mostro Lounge. 

Floyd barely notices his frown growing ever so slightly deeper, but students walking along the same path as him instinctively step aside. Nobody in their right mind would dare interrupt a disgruntled Leech twin. 

I’m not going to help out with those. Azul can suffer with those all he wants.

“Floyd! There you are!” 

Floyd stops in his tracks. He does not look at the classmate who briskly walks up to him, but he already feels the annoyance rushing to his head. 

“Floyd, we got a paper due in two days,” the classmate yells. “We just need your part, and we'll be done! When are you gonna send it in the gc?”

“Go away.”

“Hah? Don’t give me that!” The groupmate’s voice raises in anger. “We have a literal group paper to submit, and we just need your part so that we can submit it earlier!”

Floyd faces him finally, but this time, his eyes are dilated, teeth are displayed, and brows are furrowed. An all-too familiar menacing expression. “I said go away.”

“Eep!” The classmate takes a step back, expression immediately shifting to fear for his life. “O-ok ok! Just- just submit before the 11:59 deadline in two days! That’s all I needed to say, ok!”

And right after, the student runs away.

Floyd huffs. He has now made up his mind on where to go. 

Jade is wiping the sweat off of his face in the locker rooms when one of his Octavinelle classmates approaches him. “Hey, Azul’s calling for you,” he says. “He’s by the gates right now.”

“Oh?” Jade looks up in confusion. “I thought Floyd was supposed to be with him right now.”

“Well, he’s not there now,” the classmate replies while scratching his head. “They need more backup and Azul’s calling for you.” 

“Ah, I see.” He smiles. “I shall be there, then.”

The classmate leaves the locker rooms, leaving Jade all by himself. The rest of the class has already left, eager for lunch. 

Jade slows down in cleaning himself up.

Azul’s name brings back a rip that’s been tearing at his heart. It burns in the way that electricity probably burns, maybe to a lesser degree: his body stops working the way it usually does, and his chest still reels from a shock of pain. It’s not physical by any means, though by the Sea Witch, he wishes it was. It would have been so much easier to deal with. He’d be shipped to the best hospital, all bills easily paid for, and he’d be recovering well back in Octavinelle. Or if he dies, then that is that. No more pain to feel.

No, it’s a harder kind of pain. It’s the kind of pain that makes him want to tear flesh and bone with teeth and claws, the kind of hurt that urges him to destroy a ship, the kind of ache that makes him want to burn his already burning eyes. It’s the kind of pain that won’t go away even if he does all three.

Jade breathes in. Hold it. Breathe out. Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out. Breathe in… breathe out…

He cannot afford to lose himself now, whether by wrath or by tears. 

He packs his bags, changes back to his uniform, and leaves the lockers. His light footsteps are overshadowed by the sounds of enthusiastic jogs to the cafeteria in the corridors. Jade takes a moment to breathe in the afternoon sunny air, letting out a bit more of his worries out of his lungs before he walks down the stairs and through Main Street. 

And soon, he finds himself nearing the tall gates of the school, where a group of students are gathered around large boxes. 

It annoys Jade that the gleam of silver hair stirs mixed emotions. On one hand, his troubles are dashed completely from seeing the very person he keeps close. On the other hand, it is the same person who’s making him go through hell.

He swiftly shifts his focus to the situation in front of him. Some of the other boxes should have been on the way to the Mostro Lounge by this time, yet there are still several of them that the other Octavinelle students have to carry. It isn’t surprising—after all, they decided to upgrade a few things, in preparation for the next dorm leader. Supplies that a simple run to Sam’s shop won’t cover, no matter how much he claims to have it all in stock. 

“Be extra careful with that. That tableware costs us quite a fortune.” Standing by the boxes with a clipboard resting on his arm, Azul watches his dorm mates as he writes notes on the clipboard. He has his dorm leader facade on, serious and stern, but even from a distance, Jade can see his slightly nervous gaze towards the supplies. 

As another pair leaves with a heavy box, Azul looks at them before his eyes fall on him. “Jade, good you made it on time.”

“Hello, Azul,” Jade greets. “I thought that Floyd was supposed to help with the supplies.”

“Well, he’s not here now,” Azul answers, frowning from annoyance. “I was wondering if you had any idea as to where he is right now.”

“I don’t. His history class should have ended 10 minutes ago.” 

“Hmph, nevermind. We need to get all of this into the lounge.” He gestures to the boxes. “All the boxes are complete, and we’ll do a final count of all the supplies once everything has been moved there.”

“I see.” Jade nods. “Will you need me to assist you?”

“No, you may enjoy your lunch break after helping us move these boxes,” Azul answers. “I’ll be making my next successor do that. It’s a part of his learning, after all.” 

“Ah. I see.” 

It annoys him to feel that same shock of hurt returning to his chest. 

A bemused look crosses Azul’s face. “Does that offend you,” he teases. “I never took you for one to be tilted by that.”

Jade blinks. “Why Azul, whatever makes you think I’d be offended over that?” He smiles, with a bit more effort than he’s used to. “You must be imagining things from how little rest you have in passing on your position to the little siren.”

“You exaggerate.” He keeps his clipboard and pen into his bag. “We need to move. Jade, carry that box over there.” He points to one of the smaller boxes, marked with the word FRAGILE, and picks up another box. 

And wordlessly, Jade follows, carrying a box that must contain brand new tea sets. New tea sets that remind him that a new dorm leader and manager of the Mostro Lounge will take over. 

That his term and Azul’s will end because they’ll move up to 4th year and go their separate ways. 

Jade resists the urge to break them. He’ll carry these then find Floyd. 

Back at home, the schools of fish would band together, staying close until Floyd swam past them, splitting their perfect formation. Together, apart. Together, apart. 

Together. Apart.

Separation was not new to Floyd at all. In an “eat or be eaten” world, fish and merfolk alike live with the thought that the people closest to them may be gone the next day. Floyd has hunted before, has fought before. He’s even the one who said goodbye to his parents when leaving for Night Raven College.

But he said goodbye with the promise of seeing them again after school is done. 

He stares down at the river that runs below the bridge. This spot is rarely ever frequented by students at lunchtime, if only because everyone else is either eating in the canteen, having meetings, or just being with friends, and the bridge is on the other path away from the Hall of Mirrors. Besides Octavinelle, it feels the closest to home on this campus: here, he can watch the current flow, and the fish that live below its clean stream. 

Home, huh? Floyd wonders if home will still feel like home once he returns from Night Raven College. 

It will be the same dark passageways and bioluminescent lights, the same faces but all grown up. Except that he isn’t a child that can pick fights with anyone and nab their scales as a prize, he is to be stuck with running the family business of making deals, expanding connections, beating up people who betray their trust. Pretty much like what he already does with Azul now. 

Except that the boss that would stand with him and Jade is not Azul at all. 

The fish in the river swim with no obstacle in their path. They may split apart to avoid the occasional rock, but they would be together again. Together, apart. Together. In the small space that they share, there is no vast ocean that opens up new paths for them to split ways. Not until they swim down the cliff and into the open sea. 

Floyd has never envied river dwellers until now. 

Jade walks behind Azul going to Mostro Lounge. It’s something of a routine that started in Night Raven College. When Azul walks, he and Floyd follow him from behind. He doesn’t remember how or when it started. Probably started to make Azul’s image look powerful: he is in the front, wearing a coat that imposes authority, and Jade and Floyd standing at the back makes him look almost impossible to touch. 

Regardless of the hows or the whys, it’s a position that has always given him comfort. From behind, Jade can watch Azul. He can see if Azul is pleased with something by the bounce in his step, or if he’s pissed by the clack of his heels. And from the front, Azul can’t read Jade since he’s always looking forward, and that lets Jade startle him with a random brutal teasing remark. 

Right now, though, he wishes to not look at Azul. 

Azul appears to be beaming, and Jade knows exactly why. He’s found the perfect successor for not only leadership of Octavinelle but also manager for his prized restaurant. He’s gotten accepted in all the places he applied for his internship. 

He’s gotten accepted already into the university that he aims to go to.

Jade vividly remembers the way Azul grinned from ear to ear when he received the email. He remembers the audible, “Yes! Yes, I got in!” that almost sounded teary-eyed. He remembers Floyd saying that they should celebrate over some drinks. He remembers smiling to the best of his abilities while saying congratulations for being accepted. 

That was two weeks ago. He’s said many fake things in his life, and he would never say sorry for them. But until now, the heartless congratulations weighs heavily in his conscience. 

It’s simple, really: Azul has been working hard all his life to achieve his dreams. And Jade was there to witness the journey, from the ideas to the headaches to the defeats to the victories. It’s a huge milestone for Azul to get to stay on land and study in a place where he feels he will thrive. So it’s unfair really, to not be able to celebrate such an achievement happily. 

And yet, Jade can’t bring himself to. 

Their relationship started as something transactional. Tweels keep his secrets, Azul lets them in his plans. Tweels support him, Azul entertains them. And if Azul fails to entertain, then they will drop him like plastic to the chute. There and done. That’s supposed to be their relationship. 

So why then does it hurt to hear that Azul got accepted? Why does it hurt to think about how in a few months, he won’t see Azul as much as the present? Why does it hurt to think about the uncertainty of when they will see each other again? 

“Jade, you can put down the box over there.”

Jade blinks. He’s at Mostro Lounge. Has he been so deep in thought that he didn’t realize when he arrived?

Schooling his expression, he puts down the box on the counter that Azul gestures to, unaware of the concerned expression on Azul’s face. 

Floyd doesn’t know when he started staring into nothingness to gaze at memories, but he’s now seeing the stone stage from middle school, where his younger self is playing drums to his brother’s bass and someone’s piano. 

He remembers, he was getting irritated with the piano melody, and at the time he couldn’t pinpoint why, except that it lacked something. Now that he thinks about it, it’s because that pianist’s playing had no life. No vigor, no passion, just technique that wouldn’t get anyone dancing. “Next,” he had said and stopped playing. The pianist was protesting. Floyd forgot what he said, just that he protested that he wasn’t done playing, but he didn’t care enough to hear about it.

“Everyone sucks, Jade,” he threw his sticks to the ground. “No one’s good enough to be part of our band. Let’s just go.” And he and Jade—who was bigger than him at the time—left the small auditorium of their school. And it’s a blur, Floyd doesn’t remember why he and Jade didn’t go home right away, but he remembers very well the syncopated melodies coming from the piano they forgot to close. 

And he remembers the gasp he made, the way his heart was stirred from how alive the music sounded. 

And he remembers how quickly he swam back inside to see who’s playing, and his wide-eyed gaze when he spotted the familiar octopus.

“Hey hey, that was so cool,” he said to the flustered Azul. “Play some more, play some more!” 

“Huh? No way, I have to go soon!”

But he didn’t let him go. He insisted he play the piano as he picked up his sticks and played a beat. “Come on, just one song! Then you can go!”

And he started his beat. And when it was just him for a long moment, Floyd had wondered if Azul left. But the sound of an E minor reached his ears, and the next moment, Azul’s playing was matching to the beat of the drums. And his music had heart. It had spirit, it had technique, it had passion. 

And the best part? Azul matched his rhythm when nobody else did. 

“I knew I’d find you here, Floyd.”

Eyes turning away from his reflection in the water, Floyd looks up to the face that he’s known since birth. Jade, impeccably presentable despite having PE class earlier, walks towards Floyd, leaning on the railing of the bridge he stands on. But he does not go near him. 

“What do you want,” Floyd asks. 

“We had a new batch of supplies arrive at the Lounge today,” Jade answers. “You were supposed to help out with the unpacking.”

He only answers with a curt hum before turning back to the water below. 

He hears a sigh. And footsteps approaching.

“You’re thinking about last last week, aren’t you?”

Floyd turns again to Jade. He’s by the bridge railing now, same side as him, but he continues to keep a respectable distance. Jade doesn’t look at him directly either, his gaze directed at the horizon ahead of them. 

He’s thinking about it too.

“Yeah, you could say that,” he answers. “It’s just, really ass, y’know?”

Floyd believes that in spite of their identical genetics, they are two people with different identities, dreams, and beliefs. And don’t get him wrong, it is a lot better that way to have individuality. But deep down, there is a comfort knowing that Jade probably feels the same feeling that leaves Floyd dizzy with frustration, that binds his chest with a mix of anger and sadness. And Sea Witch knows, Floyd needs that comfort now. 

“‘Ass’, you say,” Jade repeats. “Tell me about it.” 

A beat of silence passes between them. 

“It’s just that. It takes half a fish brain to know that Azul’s got grand plans after graduation. Get into the best business school, build his own corporation, build another company, and a third company. And I’ve known this for Sea Witch knows how long, and it was all fine, I didn’t care that much, but then…”

“...But then the letter came in.” Jade fills in. 

“Yeah,” Floyd emphatically answers. “That damned acceptance letter from whosit business university came in. Like, I don’t know why, but it just made everything feel… real. That Azul’s really gonna go somewhere else. And I hate that it’s been hitting me like this for the last two weeks. I can’t focus well, I’m pissed off, Trein’s told me off about sleeping. It’s so ass.”

The silent air between the twins weighs heavier. Floyd’s eyes briefly look at the fish in the river again—the damned fish that he wants to throw a rock at so they separate too—before he turns to Jade. “How ‘bout you? Was it also the letter?”

Jade doesn’t answer right away. Floyd understands; in moments like these, Jade hesitates to speak his mind, even to him. It’s part of their nature to be cowardly, after all, just that Jade exhibits it more between the two of them. 

“... Somehow, yes, but if I were to think about it… it’s actually been a while now,” he finally answers.

“Eh? Really?”

“I knew down the line that there would be farewells to be made,” Jade says. “Like you said, Azul has already made plans for himself, and he invests in those plans, years in advance. But there’s always that part of me that wonders… if there’s space for us in those plans.” 

Floyd finds himself inhaling sharply at those words. 

“I see his goals coming to fruition, and it pains me to say that I can’t even properly support him. The letter, the new supplies, the little siren he’s going to appoint… they’re all reminders that it will all change.” Jade smiles, but in pain. “Azul won’t be the dorm leader, I won’t be the vice leader, and we won’t do the things we used to do. And we won’t see each other until perhaps the next VDC. And when we graduate… would he call an end to our agreements? Would we grow so busy that we become strangers again? We would always say that our relationship is merely transactional and that we would leave him if we get bored, but…”

Jade stops, and the air weighs even heavier. Floyd feels taken back to the first day on land, when breathing with lungs felt heavy and difficult. 

Suddenly, Jade laughs. “What clownfish have we become?”

Floyd too joins his twin in mirth. “Can’t help it, Azul makes me feel understood.”

He raises a brow. “Is it gonna be about the first time you played together with him?”

“I mean, it’s how it started,” he answers. He doesn’t realize the small smile that settles on his face as he remembers once more. “Like, back then, everyone just kinda avoided, y’know? And that’s fine, at least, I thought it was. ‘Twas fun and all to be intimidating. But no matter what I’d do, Azul always matches me. He knows exactly what to play to my rhythm. And even in how we work, he knows what’s the stuff I’d like to do or the stuff I’d do well in. It just feels nice.”

It feels too nice. 

Too nice that if it disappears, it will leave his heart bound tightly by melancholy. 

“…Hey, I can’t be the only sappy one here.” Floyd eyes Jade. “C’mon Jade, share too what’s made you appreciate Azul.”

“I already shared a lot earlier,” Jade says defensively.

“Heyyy, be fair at least. I know you have your own thing.”

“What else is there to say? You already said everything.”

“Liar. I know how you started reading your books more after meeting him.” 

“So? Those were lessons that we had to learn as well.”

“Uh huh sure. Then explain why you’ve only gotten better in everything you do after meeting Azul.”

Jade glares at him. 

Floyd grins in response. “Gotcha.”

A beat of silence, then Jade sighs. “If he makes you feel understood, then he makes me feel capable.”

“How so?”

“One reason.” He puts up one free hand, with one finger up. “He’s demanding.”

Floyd chuckles. “That’s an understatement.”

“You’re right.” Jade grins, teeth flashing. “He’s exigent. Making us run around the school to do 5 things at once, on top of schoolwork. Even before NRC, he was just like that. I assumed he was insane. Until now, I still think he’s insane.”

“You say that, but you don’t look like you’re complaining at all.”

“Because thanks to that, I wasn’t pretending to be good at something anymore.” His next smile is closed. Softer. “I went from barely comprehending a textbook and barely lifting a seashell with my magic to understanding contract language and unlocking my unique ability. He made me do things, and I planned to just make someone else do it and pretend it was me.” 

“Ohhh.” Floyd’s eyes widened with remembrance. “And then he caught you.”

“Yes.” Jade shakes his head at the thought. “And I was expecting him to laugh at me, but he didn’t. All he did was sigh and teach me. Magic, studies, law, something about the way he taught those things clicked something in me. And even the things that he didn’t teach but always talked about, like culinary and how people behave, I was able to absorb things and got better. Dare I say,” a smirk forms on his face, “I’m better than Azul in some things.”

“Like flight class.” Floyd grins.

“Like flight class,” Jade repeats smugly. 

And they stop talking. Jade turns his gaze to the distant horizon, looking at something farther than the blue of the sky. Meanwhile, Floyd glances back at the river. He understands that Jade is done talking personal. But it’s fine for him. He can almost hear the unspoken thoughts. Once Azul leaves, who’s going to be the pianist in their little band that makes their every day exciting? Once Azul leaves, who’s going to tell them that they can do it? 

Once Azul leaves, who’s going to understand them?

“So this is where you two are.”

Simultaneously, Floyd and Jade whip their heads around. Floyd swears his heart almost leapt to his chest when he saw those familiar blue eyes. 

One hand in his pocket, Azul stands on the threshold of the bridge. He and Jade fully turn around as he walks towards them until he’s directly in front of both of them. 

“Hello, Azul,” Jade greets, like the conversation a while ago never happened. “How was teaching your next successor what he has to do?”

“Went well,” he answers. “His prior experiences already reassure me, but he’s also demonstrated that he knows what he’s doing. Currently, he and our other dorm mates are taking care of the supplies.”

“Weird that you’re not being so strict, considering how much you value your restaurant,” Floyd comments. “You’re not even gonna be there to make sure nothing’s going wrong?”

“I trust that things are going well with my new successor in charge. I’ve taught him very well enough,” Azul says. “But more importantly… I have matters to discuss with the both of you.”

He turns his head to look at Jade. “Jade, you’ve been out of focus lately. Just a while ago, when you were bringing the box of teacups to the lounge, you were so deep in thought, you didn’t look like you were aware of where you were going. And even during work hours, you haven’t been as sharp as you usually are. A few professors have commented on your slouched posture as well.”

Jade’s eyes widen in surprise. 

“And Floyd.” Azul turns to look at Floyd. “Professors have reported to me that you’ve either been asleep during lectures or interrupting class with an outburst. You’ve also been moodier than usual, and it shows in your cooking and your behavior. I’ve heard a few students rant about you in group projects.”

Floyd briefly remembers the group mate that approached him earlier. 

“So what are you getting at exactly, Azul,” Jade asks. “Even we have our off days as well.”

Azul casts him a pointed look. “Off days for two weeks straight.” 

He receives no quip in reply. 

He crosses his arms. “Jade, Floyd.” His neutral serious tone changes. It quivers slightly. He’s worried. “I know you two well enough that there’s something going on. Is there something that happened?”

Floyd looks away. Jade does as well.

Floyd hates the concern in his tone. It makes him want to break. It makes him want to be upfront about his feelings and how it’s been bothering him. 

But how can someone like him really tell someone like Azul that you’re afraid to lose him somehow? How can he retract all the times he said that their relationship is all transaction and no emotional connection? How do you even start bearing something so vulnerable? 

They must be the same questions that Jade is grappling with now. Jade, who’s usually good at worming his way out of any conversation, has nothing to say to leave this topic. 

Azul sighs, breaking the long silence. “Is this something that has to do with me?”

The twins stiffen. 

Floyd can feel Azul’s gaze towards him. 

A tense moment passes. 

“... I had a feeling.”

He finally looks at him but in confusion. Jade is also facing him with wide eyes. 

Azul exhales through his nose. “You don’t have to tell me anything about what you’re feeling right now. If at all.” He turns around, preparing to leave. His head is bowed down, not letting either twin see his expression. “But I just want to let you know, I’m always here if you need me. Not just for this, but for anything, even if in the future.”

Floyd’s breath hitches.

“Do you… really mean that?” Jade asks, almost meekly.

Azul looks at Jade in puzzlement. “Why wouldn’t I? You two have been with me for all these years, even in my weakest hours. It’s not like I’m going to leave you even after we graduate.”

“Really,” Floyd asks. “Even when you get really busy with university and we’re running our family business?”

“Well, I won’t deny that we will be busy,” he answers. “But I’m not letting go of you two just because of that. You know me too well, after all. And you’ve supported me all these years, it would be embarrassing to leave that unpaid.”

“You mean that?”

“Have I ever broken a promise? If you want, I can even put that on a contract and have you sign it.”

In one single breath, the binding sadness and worry that tightened Floyd’s chest leaves. 

Without thinking, he moves towards Azul and wraps his arms around his slim frame. He ignores the surprised gasp as he buries his face on his shoulder. His breathing feels lighter than it has ever been the past two weeks. 

He feels Jade joining in, hugging Azul from the other side and burying his face on the other shoulder. His breathing sounds even to any person, but to Floyd, he can hear a slight quiver, like Jade is trying to hold back tears. 

“Is… is this what it’s been all about, all this time,” Azul finally asks. His hands move to pat their heads, a motion that always comforted the twins. “You two are strange for worrying about this type of thing.” 

Despite his words, Floyd can hear the smile in Azul’s voice.

[soob1nslut]

⌗ l.heeseung hcs

cw nsfw, breeding kink, oral, rough sex, overstimulation, biting!!!! >ᴗ<

GENDER NEUTRAL!!

these are based on either my personal experiences/preferences ₊ ⊹

⌇ breeding kink/condomless sex i tried to make this one as gn as i could so i omitted anything like pregnancy buuut i would love to write ab that LOL

heeseung loooves when you ask him to fuck you raw. though you guys have done it a few times, he's never actually finished inside. he's never explicitly asked to do so, but you could tell he wanted to. nothing gets him going like when you beg him to cum in you. however, heeseung is a good man and always said no because of the risk. but every now and then, he would thrust deep in you, filling up every inch of you,until your nails were digging into his flesh. his warm, thick cum would fill your pretty hole. he'd pull out of you slowly, admiring the masterpiece that you were. "you were so good for me," he'd whisper. "you looked so fucking cute."

⌇ head

because heeseung is so used to always taking the lead during sex, it's a nice surprise when you do stuff for him. he never expects you to because he never asks, and he loves to take care of your needs before his. however, you decide to give him a little present~ at first he'd laugh at you, asking if you could really take all of him. as soon as your lips pressed against his pink twitching cock, he gritted his teeth and rested his hands on the back of your head. he tried not to push down, as he didn't want to hurt you, but he couldn't help himself. him forcing his length down ur throat aahhhh (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) .ᐟ.ᐟ so cute and pretty boy heeseung would ask you to swallow for him, making sure you take every last drop of him >ㅅ<

⌇ rough sex till overstimulation

heeseung likes it rough. simple as that. "i'm going to fuck you until your body can't live without my dick." and he lived up to that promise. he would ravish you till you reached your limit yet he would still keep going. he was unrelentless with his prowess (lol), fucking you until you could literally only ramble his name and morepleasemoredontstop. he loved seeing how sensitive you could get and how it felt inside you after you came so many times ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

⌇ marks

heeseung and his teeth!! heeseung loved to bite your neck, collarbones, and inner thighs. he left marks all over you for you to find the next morning. heeseung especially loved to mark you as his when you mentioned you had somewhere to go with friends. because of his idol status, it was hard to reciprocate to him, but heeseung always begged you to leave a few for him to think about. you were initially hesitant, worried about any scandals, but eventually you left him a pretty red mark for him to keep as his little secret ₍^ >ヮ< ^₎ .ᐟ.ᐟ bonus - he would always send you pictures of himself in his stage outfits right before his performances and always made sure to show off whatever mark you had created~

໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১ this one is a little shorter than the soobin one this isn't my first time writing hcs but its my first time actually deeply thinking about them... id be lying if i said it didnt fluster me to type this stuff LOL

[konpeitonom]

I am shocked that no one has asked for a Daisuke nsfw alphabet version yet...I must change that... Can you make a Daisuke nsfw alphabet when you have the time, please? _(´ཀ`」 ∠)_

daisuke nsfw alphabet.

nsfw — lowercase intended ^_^

fem reader —

requests are open and heavily encouraged, i write for every mw character ^.^

notes; it took me a couple days to do this IM SORRY. it might be all over the place. complete writing slump rn but i now have dedicated times to write and such so hopefully i wont slack, haha..

and happy 102 of you all! did not think i’d reach this far so early.

nsfw under the cut! minors do not read

a — aftercare, (what they’re like after sex)

— he’s always hungry after sex so he’ll always make you/order you food, whether or not you want it or not, haha.. he’ll also set up the tub for you, or whatever. if you’re at his place he’ll set up his fancy jets.

b — body part (their favorite body part, and their partners)

— 100% a thigh kind of guy.. will ask you to suffocate him with them. non-sexually even, he just has a fixation on your thighs.

— for him? nothing in particular, i really can’t think on this. maybe his hands?

c — cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

— not inside, he’s too paranoid for that kind of thing (he’s still young after all!) even if you are on birth control.. i think on the bed or whatever surface you guys are on, because he’d feel just a tinsy bit bad if he cums on you. with your permission, on your thigh..

— i mentioned in my regular daisuke headcanons that he used to be a bit of a player. he doesn’t wanna make you feel used and stuff, so he tries his best to not come off as such..

d — dirty secret (a dirty secret of theirs)

— he cums really easily. he’s kinda embarrassed about it. came while making out, because he grinded a bit on your thigh. had to excuse himself to the bathroom. don’t laugh at him be nice about it haha.

e — experience (how experienced are they?)

— hes not too experienced sexually.. once or twice maybe? or a virgin too. i see him as 18-21 and i feel like most people don’t really lose theirs till then.. whatever it is, he doesn't really know what he’s doing.

f — favorite position (self explanatory)

— you riding him.. he thinks it’s just really hot- likes the sight of you on top of him. In bed, he’s not particularly dominant unless you’re much more submissive than him.

g — goofy (are they more serious in the moment?)

— he can get a bit overwhelmed emotionally i think, so he might make a joke or two or just be less serious overall to sort of cope with that.

— seeing sex as intimacy rather than just a way to get off is a sign of growing up for him which i think might scare him a little?

h — hair (how well groomed are they?)

— he doesn’t think about it! it’s never something he paid much mind too so unless you’re bothered by it then he doesn’t care all much.

i — intimacy (how are they during the moment, romantic wise?)

— i think he can be pretty romantic. like, praise or ‘i love yous’ during sex. but it’s not something he focuses on unless it’s a special day.

j — jack off (masturbation headcanon)

— i think he jerks off pretty often, however often a teenage boy/young adult usually does. usually to the thought of you, or porn (projects the two of you when watching..) or maybe to one of your clothing items you so happen to leave at his place. he’d wash it, promise.

k — kink (one of their kinks)

— semi-public stuff. his car or bathrooms even. he doesn’t actually wanna get caught or in trouble but he really, really likes the idea of it.

— marking!! thank you 🪖 for the inspiration. only in spots you’d allow him too. maybe not on the neck just for looks sake.. particularly enjoys your thighs and shoulders.

— watching you masturbate. you watching him masturbate. i won’t elaborate this is a throwaway thought.

— i think.. he’d like it if you degraded him? maybe a bit of a guilty pleasure, it’s just sexy. but there’s a thin line between that and being plain mean.

l — location (favorite places to do it)

— .. in the car, in some random parking lot. it’s like the perfect place for him. privacy, but not too much. and no worries about his parents or yours. and likes the look of fogged up windows, just a hint of what they’d done!

m — motivation (what turns them on)

— seeing you want it is the hottest thing to him. like you tugging at his sleeve, telling him you wanna go home early to go ‘do stuff’. just say the word and he’ll do it for you!

n — no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

— nothing that hurts you, or hurts him. i mean, it’s sex, it’s supposed to feel good. he wouldn’t like being mean to you. you could be mean to him but he can’t imagine like, slapping you.

o — oral (preference in giving, receiving)

— prefers receiving! i mean he eats pussy, and likes doing so, but is in love with the way your eyes look as you go down on him.. your lips, the way it feels, he loves it. especially in the privacy of.. a bathroom stall.

p — pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual?)

— i think.. he thinks faster is better. and sometimes it is. not particularly rough but he tries, if that’s what you’re into.

q — quickie (their opinion on quickies, how often)

— he likes them! loves them, even. after that initial stage of awkwardness he’s totally up for sex everyday, even if it’s a little quickie.

r — risk (are they willing to experiment? do they take risks?)

— hes very open and excited to try new things, infact i think he does most of the suggesting. of course he considers your preferences into account before doing so. if you suggest something, 9 times out of 10 he’s willing.

s — stamina (self explanatory)

— i think he can go for a long while.. he has a lot of energy. he used to play baseball (canon) so i can only assume physically he’s very active.

t — toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on themselves or their partner?)

— yes, 100%. he prefers using toys on you, as a way to please you. double stimulation, or whatever. but he’s not opposed to using toys for himself either. he wouldn’t go out of his way to do so, but if you wanted it then for sure.

u — unfair (how much do they like to tease?)

— he’s not much of a tease. maybe if you were being kind of mean that day, he’d tease you a little. but he prefers it when you tease him, honestly, thinks it’s real cute.

v — volume (how loud are they? what sounds do they make?)

— he’s loud.. whines and groans. he can’t help it, really. he’s not just doing it for show. though, he tries to quiet down just a tinsy bit so the focus is on you. he likes it when his partners are loud.

w — wild card (a random headcanon)

— has wet dreams more often than not. it’s really funny, actually. i think if he dreams about you specifically within said wet dream he’d feel a bit of guilt, then eventually jerk off to whatever it was.

x — x-ray (what’s going on underneath?)

— i think he’s average in length but a bit thicker. please compliment his dick he’s really insecure abt it ngl. that’s really all i have to say, sorry!

y — yearning (how high is their sex drive?

— pretty high i’d say. or just a bit higher than average. but being the people pleaser that he is, he’d take note of yours and go based on that rather than him.

z — zzz.. (how quickly they fall asleep)

— he can if he wants too, but would rather get up and do something else. he doesn’t want to feel all sore and groggy when he wakes up so he’d take a shower at least.

[bluebeary-jay]

Damage done

Pre/No-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: during a fight with Joel, he unknowingly sends you into a panic attack caused by your previous experiences. he deeply regrets it. (based on this wonderful ask!)

Tags: heavy ANGST, hurt/comfort, angst with happy ending (there's also fluff), established relationship, petnames, soft!Joel (he's trying his best fr 🥺). Several years pre outbreak. please read the warnings carefully

Warnings: fighting, talk and mention about previous abusive relationship, panic attack, emotional distress, self-destructive thoughts

Word count: 4K

A/N: i wrote it partially based on experiences with my own panic attacks, but i know everyone's is different. if there's a warning i missed, please let me know. also i want this man to take care of me so much 😢 anyway, stay safe, darlings, and as always: happy reading and i hope you'll enjoy!! 💕 comments and feedback are greatly appreciated 😌

It had been a rough couple of weeks. Things at your work were rocky to say the least, what with your boss firing several people every week and cutting your salary. Joel didn’t have it much better – from what you understood, two clients suddenly canceled their order, and Tommy got himself thrown into jail, again, breaking his longest record to date. On top of that, little Sarah went down with some kind of flu that was raging in schools recently, and for the last two weeks one of you had to be home with her almost all the time.

So it was probably no wonder that the tension and stress became too much at one point, and you both snapped.

It was about the play at Sarah’s school.

“You promised her, Joel! She was talking about it for the entire week.”

“It’s not my fault we have to go out of town on this date,” he answered through clenched teeth, pinching the bridge of his nose and not looking up at you. “I tried to reschedule, but the commissioning party refused. I can’t help it, for fuck’s sake.”

You were glad Sarah wasn’t home right now to listen to your fight. You dropped her off earlier at her friend’s house because she wanted to practice lines for the play they were doing next week. The play that Joel was apparently planning to miss.

You adored Joel – god, you loved him with all that you had – but he could be so stubborn sometimes, it was driving you up the fricking wall.

“It’s your kid, Joel–”

“Yeah, it’s my kid!” he raised his voice, only now lifting his head. His stare was cold and hard, so unlike how he usually looked at you. “Not yours.”

“Are you kidding me?!” you shouted, hurt by his words and the tone he used. “I’ve been taking care of her, loving her– She is like a daughter to me!”

“But still not yours,” he repeated harshly. That was a low blow, especially when he told you so many times that you might not be Sarah’s biological mother, but it’s obvious you love her like she’s your own blood.

“You’re only saying that ‘cause you know I’m right,” you snarled angrily, and Joel huffed a humorless laugh.

“Of course. You always know better, dont’cha?” He stood up, towering over you, but you didn’t back down. If anything, it only made you more mad, as if he was doing this to intimidate you. “I’m sorry I’m such a terrible father in your eyes, but I have to think about earning money. Especially since it’s only a matter of time ‘till that asshole boss of yours will fire you, too.”

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?! You really think so lowly of me to say it won’t be long until I get fired?”

“I don’t– Christ, you’re puttin’ words in my mouth again.”

“Again. Of course.” You spat out and took your sweatshirt from the couch, done with him and this conversation. “I’m going to my home,” you told him dryly. Joel’s nostrils flared and he took a step forward.

“No, you’re not.”

“Fuckin’ watch me,” you muttered under your breath, but loud enough for him to hear.

“We are not finished!!” Joel screamed, his booming voice echoing throughout the house.

It felt like a slap. In one second you froze, all your muscles seized up and a feeling of coldness gripped your heart and throat, sending panic flooding your veins. The sweatshirt you were holding slipped out from your stiff fingers.

Joel has never raised his voice at you like that. Never with such anger and fury. There was a bite to his tone that you couldn’t explain, but which you knew very well – the telltale sign that you went too far, and the other person’s patience was at an end, that now you were going to pay for it.

Your previous boyfriend taught you what it means. It meant bruises and split lips, and screaming when you started crying…

Joel noticed the shift in your behavior right away, and his anger immediately ebbed, replaced by confusion and concern.

“Darlin’?” he murmured the pet name, though it rolled off his tongue heavily and with difficulty.

He was still furious at you and your refusal to understand what he was going through, but it all died down when he saw how wide, how empty your eyes were. Your knees buckled, and you looked like you could fall down at any moment.

Joel didn’t have any idea what was happening with you – but knew that whatever it was, it was his fault.

You, in the meantime, felt like you couldn’t breathe. The man in front of you – you weren’t even sure anymore who that was – took a step forward with his hand lifted, and you quickly backed away, stumbling in the process.

“No! N-no, no, please, I’m sorry–” you started blabbering and sobbing, wrapping one arm around your middle to protect all the main internal organs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–”

“No, you didn’t…”

“Please… I’m sorry, I swear,” you cried, trembling at this point, but not daring to escape the room. “I’ll be better, just don’t… Please, don’t…”

Joel’s heart broke when he saw you bursting into tears and trying to make yourself as small as possible. All his anger disappeared in a cloud of smoke, replaced by the overpowering need to comfort the girl he loved.

But you seemed so scared when he wanted to come closer… And he didn’t know how to proceed.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he repeated in an even softer tone, his eyebrows scrunching in worry. “Sweetheart… M’not gonna hurt you.”

He took another slow step forward, but that seemed to already be too much, because the trembling intensified and you practically slumped against the wall, one arm around your stomach, and the other squeezing your throat tightly. Joel feared to know the reason why you would do that to yourself.

“Stop, plea– I can’t– I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“No, it’s okay, my baby, it’s alright…”

He fell down to his knees next to you and reached to take you in his arms, but you started shaking your head violently, backing away and squirming out of his reach.

“No, no, please, I’m sorry! Don’t– don’t touch me!!”

A bile rose up in his throat, and he retreated his hands, holding them low in front of him to show he’s not going to do anything.

“It’s alright, babygirl,” he muttered chokingly, feeling completely helpless and lost about what to do. “You… you’re safe.”

You were crying uncontrollably now, though it seemed like you tried to stifle the never-ending sobs and tears flowing out of your eyes, in result making your entire body shake. You flinched – actually flinched – when Joel opened his mouth, and your fingers around your throat tightened their grip.

“No,” Joel said decisively, breaking your wish and grabbing your wrists, moving them away from your neck where red crescents started to form. “Baby, please, don’t.”

“Let go!!” It was hard to distinguish the words from between your cries, but the message your body language was conveying was clear as day. “No, don’t… me…” You sobbed again, quickly weakening despite your efforts. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Come ‘ere,” Joel whispered in a voice full of pain, carefully shifting closer and wrapping his arms around you, though being careful not to make you feel too crowded or trapped. “Shhh… it’s Joel, darlin’, m’here.”

Surprisingly, you let him hold you – maybe it was just because you didn’t have strength to resist and fight back anymore, Joel thought, but maybe you recognized him. Maybe it was both. But the tears didn’t stop. No matter how gently he stroked your back or whispered reassuring words, you couldn’t seem to stop crying.

Several times in the next couple of minutes you tried to grasp your neck or arm again, but every time he delicately, though firmly, moved them away. You still babbled half-intelligible apologies and pleas, and each time your voice broke or hitched on another fearful word, Joel’s heart was shattering into a million pieces all over again.

“I’m sorry…” you sobbed again, trembling in his arms. “I’m sorry, don’t hurt me, p-please–...”

“My darlin’...” Joel held you closer and more securely in his arms, rocking you back and forth. “Sweetheart, my sweet, sweet girl… I’m never gonna hurt you, I swear.” He planted soft, delicate kisses on your hair. Even though he wanted to hug you tightly, to show you how much he loves and cares about you, he restrained himself and tried to keep his touch as gentle as possible. “I swear, my babygirl, m’sorry, so sorry for screamin’... Didn’t mean to.”

You were still crying, albeit weaker now, in his arms, clinging to him like your life depended on it. Joel could feel your nails digging themselves into the skin of his back, but it was the furthest thing on his mind – hell, he could start bleeding and still it wouldn’t be as important as comforting you at this moment. Better him than you.

“I love you s’much, my babygirl, my life,” Joel continued murmuring into the top of your head, feeling close to crying himself when your tears seemingly couldn’t stop flowing. “M’so sorry. I won’t ever hurt you like that again, I swear…”

His words, though full of love and compassion, rolled off you like water off a duck’s back, and you still couldn’t locate yourself, couldn’t tether your being to this world and make sense of the difference between what you knew should happen, and what was actually happening.

Your whole body was hurting, yes, but it wasn’t the pain of being repeatedly hit. You could barely hear your own cries, but it wasn’t because of vicious and cruel words being thrown at you. You knew it was Joel you were clinging to, and he never hurt you in this way, but… but you also were never so angry at each other. You never fought like this – and experience taught you that crossing that invisible line will carry certain consequences.

You weren’t angry now. You were scared. And confused.

“Joel,” you whimpered between gasps, struggling to breathe through your rapid sobs. “I’m sorry. Please, don’t– don’t go.”

“M’not leavin’ ya, babygirl.” He spoke into your hair, closing his eyes. “M’not goin’ anywhere.”

You were calming down a little now, the sobs wrecking your body and breaking Joel’s heart dying down, though you were still shivering. Joel continued to hold and soothe you the best he could.

And wondered who must’ve hurt his darling so much that you’d react so badly.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered after a while, sniffling into Joel’s chest, but trying not to get snots on his shirt. Joel sighed sadly, but his hold on you just tightened.

“No, babygirl, my darlin’...” He pressed his lips to your hairline, stroking your back with his other hand. “You have nothin’ to be sorry for, I swear. It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” you whimpered pitifully, unable to stop another wave of tears from falling. “I’m sorry I reacted like that. I know… Joel, I know you won’t hurt me. Baby, please.” You took his head in your hands, searching his eyes with fear painted across your face. “I’m so sorry, wasn’t thinking and…”

“Hey. Love, it’s fine.” He placed his own hands on your cheeks, stroking lightly your damp skin with his thumbs. “Don’t say that. M’not angry at you and would never be because of that. It’s… it’s okay.” He petted your hair, trying to relax for your sake, but his chest remained tight. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise.”

You nodded weakly, though you weren’t sure if you believed him. Joel swallowed heavily and nodded after a while, too.

“Okay. I… I’ll run you a bath,” he whispered, but you held his hand tighter and shook your head with tears gathering in your eyes again.

“No, no! Just s-stay with me, please.”

Joel took your face in his hands, but you closed your eyes, feeling too vulnerable and exhausted to even try to maintain eye contact.

“I’m here, baby. C’mon, just hold onto me.”

He waited until your arms were around his neck before slowly standing up and tucking you securely in his arms. You hid your wet face in the crook of Joel’s neck, breathing in his soothing smell and trying to calm your breathing, which you still found difficult.

Neither of you said anything when he took you to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet seat and started to fill the bathtub with water and soothing oils. You just watched him, wiping your nose every once in a while.

Still remaining silent, Joel extended his hand and helped you stand up. Then, almost with fearful hesitation, he touched the hem of your shirt, sending you a questioning look. You just nodded, not having strength to undress yourself, and lifted your arms, letting him take your clothes off.

You didn’t let go of his hand even after he guided you to sit in the tub. You couldn’t bear being alone with your thoughts right now, and Joel, being as wonderful of a man as he was, stayed by your side as the warmth from the water seeped through your tired bones.

Another several minutes passed before he finally asked the question that was gnawing at him since the very beginning. You must’ve subconsciously known it was coming, cause it didn’t even surprise you.

“Who was it?” he asked quietly. His hand was still caressing your palm with the gentlest of touches, but his eyes were like ice, full of hidden rage and hatred. “Who did this to you, darlin’?”

You wrapped your arms around yourself, not sure whether to answer or not. Ever since you got to know him, Joel has been nothing but kind and understanding, never pressuring you into doing or saying something you didn’t want… but you had a feeling he wasn’t going to let the matter drop.

And honestly, you were afraid to tell him. To admit how your previous relationship looked and what exactly happened to make you act so strongly about something so small. Because… what if he’ll realize how broken you are, how much effort it’d take to put up with you, and he’ll leave? Even if he was willing to take care of you, it was really unlikely that he’d stay – even if he says that now.

You were doing good until today. You managed to hide the issues you had with yourself and all the pain you carried inside, never letting Joel know that something was wrong with you. But now he… he will…

You didn’t want him to leave. He made your life so much better and you loved him to pieces with all your heart, as weak and broken as it was.

You couldn’t lose him.

“Oh, baby…” Joel’s hands cupped your cheeks so carefully and lovingly that you almost started weeping again. “M’not goin’ anywhere. I love ya so much. You’re never gonna lose me.”

You didn’t realize you said those words out loud, but even so, somehow his affirmations didn’t make you feel any better. You wanted them to comfort you, but if anything, they just made you feel sick.

“I’m afraid you’re gonna leave someday,” you whispered hoarsely, keeping your eyes on the slowly disappearing bubbles. “I know I’m being selfish, but I don’t want you to. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Joel. I…” Tears spilled from your eyes again and you shook your head. “I know I’m too much. And… and broken. And I know it sounds like I wanna guilt-trip you, but I’m not, I’m just–” You choked on a sob, and wrapped your arms tighter around yourself, hugging your knees to your chest. “I don’t– don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Sweetheart, look at me, please.” Joel’s hands were rough to the touch, but so incredibly gentle when they guided you to meet his eyes, and a big pit formed in your stomach when you saw how they shone. He was on the verge of tears, too. “Don’t say things like that. Nothin’ is wrong with you. Who…” He sighed again. “Who made you believe such things?”

You didn’t answer at first, but Joel kept staring at you, and – finally – you relented.

“My previous boyfriend. The one I didn’t want to talk about. He– Look, I know he was a horrible person.” You let out a short laugh, but without any joy – or emotions altogether – in it. “And I hate him so much, but he… he was right. About some things.”

“He’s not.” Joel didn’t back down, feeling despair growing inside his chest as he saw the girl he adored with his whole heart put herself down like that. “You’re… fuck, you’re perfect, darlin’, and you didn’t deserve to be treated or talked to this way. M’so sorry it happened to you.”

He brushed some of your hair to the back and sighed silently. He seemed so lost and sad, it made you feel even worse.

“What can I do?”

That stopped the train of your thoughts, and you looked up.

“What?”

“What can I do?” he repeated softly. “To prove t’you that I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

Your lips parted, and you were unsure what to say. Joel took your hand in his, delicately tracing patterns on the back of it.

“Babygirl, listen to me. You’re the most precious thing t’me. I don’t care what this asshole told you, but… but none of this is true. And it’s not gonna drive me away from you. Nothin’ is gonna make me leave,” he repeated more firmly, never taking his eyes off you. “Because I love you. More than anythin’ else in the world”

Joel sounded so sincere and desperate, tugging at your heartstrings with his gentle, sad eyes and loving words. The water became cool some time ago, but your insides felt like they were on fire – as if the next breath you were about to take would be your last.

“I’m sorry for everything I said.” You took a shaky breath, trying to keep your voice steady. “I don’t think you’re a bad father. I think you’re the best and most amazing dad Sarah could ever ask for. I didn’t want…” You sniffed and your shoulders started to shake again with silent cries. “I didn’t want to hurt you, I’m so sorry, I didn’t–”

The sob that you tried to stop with all your might suddenly escaped you, and Joel’s forehead scrunched in worry. He pulled you closer, leaning over the edge of the bathtub. Neither of you concerned yourself with water dripping off your skin, only feeling relieved from each other’s closeness.

“I know, babygirl. M’not mad.” Joel left a lingering kiss on your tearstained cheek, and then a second one on your forehead. “I’m sorry, too. For how I acted and for–” he sighed heavily into your shoulder, “for shouting at ya.”

“You couldn’t have known,” you mumbled, but he shook his head.

“That’s no excuse. I shouldn’t ‘ave done it in the first place.” He relaxed in your arms, and somehow it made your muscles less tense, too. “I’ll see what I can do about that job. So that I can see Sarah’s play.”

You nodded and let your eyelids drop, giving in to the feeling of calm and security that always came with being with Joel.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” you asked quietly. You still were a little afraid that he’s going to turn you down after what happened, but you really didn’t want to stay alone. “With you?”

“‘Course you can. D’ya want to go now?”

You nodded again. Not bathing seemed like a big waste of water, but you didn’t feel strong enough to actually wash your body. And Joel didn’t pressure you – he just bent over and wrapped his strong arms around you, practically pulling you out of the tub by himself.

His clothes were completely soaked when he put you down and reached for the fluffiest towel you had, wrapping it around you like a little cocoon. He got rid of his wet shirt, kissed your head gently and, without a word, scooped you up into his arms again.

“I can stand,” you offered when he started walking towards the bedroom, forcing you to wrap your hands around his neck for support.

“I want to take care of you.”

“But your back pains…”

“I’m not that old yet, sweetheart,” he answered with a half-smile, slowing down and gazing into your eyes softly. “Let me take care of you.”

You brushed his cheek with your fingertips tenderly, eyes flickering across his face. “But you’re always taking care of everyone, Joel.”

His throat bobbed and he almost immediately looked away. It was clear what he was thinking – that according to himself, he wasn’t doing a good enough job. Because you got hurt. Because he was the one who unintentionally hurt you and sent you into a panic attack.

He was silent when he put you down on the bed with care, turning around to fetch one of his shirts from the closet. During this whole time you didn’t say anything, either. Your mind was still a little closed off from when you tried to separate yourself from the painful memories that started to haunt you, and despite Joel’s efforts, it was still difficult to move past the experience.

But your head snapped up when Joel, after helping you put the shirt on, knelt in front of you, took your hand in his and leaned forward to kiss your knee gently.

“M’sorry,” Joel whispered with pain tinging his deep voice. “I’m sorry for sayin’ all those things about you and Sarah. I know you love her.” He pressed his lips to your knee again, and lifted his head, revealing how misty his own eyes were, which in turn made your heart ache even more. “My sweet girl. I swear I won’t ever hurt you again.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” you answered quietly, but Joel shook his head and took a deep breath.

“What can I do?” he repeated his question from earlier, and this time you knew exactly what you needed him for.

“Can you… can you hold me?”

Without missing a beat, Joel raised from his position and enveloped you in his embrace, making you feel safe and protected like never before. You sighed heavily, breathing in his scent and feeling like just by touching you with such love that only he was capable of, he helped you to lift some invisible load from your shoulders.

Despite the headache from all the crying and your chest still tightening with every shallow breath you took, you felt a little better now. You didn’t feel alone.

You knew you were safe with Joel.

It took some time for you to fall asleep, but even when you did, Joel could not find peace in the silky darkness of the evening.

Before you dozed off, Joel vowed again and again how much you mean to him, how you and Sarah are the best things that ever happened to him, and how he’ll never let anything happen to any of you – and he could clearly see that you believed his every word, and that you weren’t mad at him. You weren’t flinching when he rocked you back and forth, or later when he pressed small kisses to your forehead.

But you still were quiet and your face miserable, and several times Joel tucked you in closer to himself when he felt you shaking and sniffing. There wasn’t anything else he could do but hold you and whisper soothing promises into your hair. Once your eyelids started to drop, he began humming a familiar melody he knew you liked, and you nuzzled your face into his neck, curling up in his embrace.

And you whispered ‘I love you’ before you drifted off to an uneasy sleep in his arms. And before he could even answer, you thanked him for loving you.

When he heard it, he had to keep himself from breaking down with the last bit of his strength.

“You mean everythin’ to me, love. Everythin’,” he murmured after a couple of seconds, not even knowing if you were still awake. The guilt in his chest made it hard to breathe, but he pushed through it, and then he softly kissed your forehead, making a promise to himself.

He will find time to go to Sarah’s play with you. And he’ll make it right.

[plutocisms]

NSFW Alphabet for Shouta Aizawa

A (Aftercare) what are they like after sex?

He will clean you up and get you any and everything you need. He likes to check in on how it was for you and have a little pillow talk. Don’t think about moving afterwards he wants to cuddle, even if he doesn’t say it. 

B (Body Part) favorite on themselves and of their partner

He doesn’t have a favorite part on himself, but if he really had to pick It’d probably be his arms, He likes when you grab onto them and compliment them.

On you he looooves your waist and is constantly keeping eye contact with you because he also loves your eyes.

C (Cum) anything to do w/ it basically

He prefers to release on your stomach (as much as he would love to inside of you, he’s against it until you guys are intent of actually trying) and can’t get enough of the way you taste, yeah he’s tying that hair up for you. 

D (Dirty little secret) self explanatory

He was too embarrassed to let you know but he snuck a new headboard in after breaking one from his grip one night while having his way with you. He actually called Yamada to help him with this and to get rid of the previous one but obviously didn’t tell him the reason why even though he poked an prodded for an answer as to what happened.

E (Experience) also pretty self explanatory

He has some experience but it’s limited, he’s pretty standoffish so doesn’t normally get very involved.

F (Favorite postition) ^

Loves classic missionary, Face off, & prone bone. He’s not picky tho but those would be his go-to positions.

G (Goofy) are they more playful or serious in the moment?

This is actually one time where he can let loose a bit, he’s not cracking them left and right but he likes to tease and can actually lighten up a bit here from time to time. 

H (Hair) how are they groomed down there?

Oh it’s a bit scruffy down there, trimmed but there’s deffly some hair.

I (Intimacy) are they more romantic or lustful in the moment?

He’s pretty passionate, he loves looking into your eyes during, kissing you, holding you and enjoys talking through it—not too much but just enough. 

J (Jack Off) masturbation headcanon

He’s really not one to dabble, at least when he’s in a relationship and even outside of one he’s not big into it, he’s got a lot of discipline and is never really down too bad.

K (Kink(s)) self explanatory :)

He loves sleepy sex, wake up roll over in the middle of the night type shii, He’s also into the idea of being waken up with a surprise if yk what I mean. He’s into a bit of dirty talk. Tell him what you like/want him to do to you. He wouldn’t say anything about it, he won’t refer to himself as such but he low-key gets hot and bothered if you call him Daddy— it catches him off guard in a way he can’t fight off.

L (Location) where they like to do it

He loves the comfort of his home so pretty much anywhere there is a green light. The bed, couch, shower all of it. He’s open to doing it other places but you’d really have to convince him.

M (Motivation) what gets them in the mood?

He really loves seeing you your element doing anything. It’s the little things. The way you walk, catching a whiff of your scent, watching you sleep, any physical touch from you, this is a simple man.

N (No) what they wont do in the bedroom

He’s not into the idea of sharing you or anything that would cause you real pain, I also don’t see him degrading his partner.

O (Oral) do they enjoy giving/receiving?

He can eat it till you cry and then some. He loves being between your thighs and making you feel good. As far as receiving he really enjoys watching you take him all in, both are very good stress relief for him.

P (Pace) how fast or slow are they during?

He’s got a good pace, very sensual. He actually likes when you dictate the pace—more than willing to accommodate your needs. In general though, he normally picks up the pace quite a bit on his own when he’s close.

Q (Quickies) how do they feel about them?

He doesn’t prefer them over a proper session, but can still have his fun, it’s also a bit of a a turn on for him, the challenge of getting you off in a time crunch.

R (Risks) are they willing to take them?

He’s not very risky, he doesn’t like the idea of getting caught. This man risks his life on a consistent basis and enjoys the comfort and safety of you. He’s not trying anything crazy with you.

S (Stamina) how long can they last?

He’s got a solid two rounds in him before he needs a break/nap inbetween. They are long rounds and  in all honesty he could last a little longer (man’s a pro hero) but performance gets a little sloppy after those first two.

T (Toys) are they into them, do they have any?

Tbh Aizawa is a little uninterested in complicating things too much in the bedroom. He’s open to suggestions but doesn’t bring any of his own volition

U (Unfair) are they a tease basically

He’s not super unfair mostly because he’s hoping if he’s not with you—you won’t be too much with him (he’s got a love-hate relationship with it, drives him nuts in a good way)

V (Volume) how loud are they during

May be a little surprising but he actually is quite talkative and has some volume. He is into giving praise with you and he lets you know just how good you make him feel. Low raspy voice, deep moans and groans, oh and he’s gonna cuss.

W (Wildcard) random headcanon

Somehow you convinced him to have a quickie after hours at the school (first and likely the last time you guys will do that because,) If it wasn’t enough to see you two appear out of the closet, Aizawa gets a flush after sex and Yamada has yet to let him live it down.

X (X-Ray) what's it looking like under the hood

He’s got good length not massive but above bit above average and it curves just slightly. He’s pretty hairy with the happy trail, little bit of hair on his thighs and legs.

Y (Yearning) what's their sex drive like?

He has a pretty standard sex drive though he initiates less than he could, primarily because he loves when you approach him, even if he’s a little too tired for the task.

Z (Zzz) how fast do they fall asleep after?

He goes to straight to sleep after taking care of your needs. Loves napping with you afterwards—it’s kinda mandatory for him.

[geospiral]

Ivan’s intimacy level for Mizi being only 30% despite the two of them genuinely getting along due to Ivan feeling like he can’t properly connect to Mizi and lower his facade around her lest he shatter her innocent outlook of the world as well as her optimism. Obviously Ivan likes Mizi as a person, but he never really got to experience the kind of innocence that Mizi does before Alien Stage, and while that innocence and the optimism that comes from it draw other people towards her as a kind of beacon of hope like it does with Sua and Till, it just serves as a disconnect for Ivan. Despite believing that Till doesn’t care for him and knowing that Sua dislikes him, Ivan feels closer to the both of them and at liberty of showing a truer version of himself around them, probably glad that he’s found people either similar to him or that have also faced/seen some of the worst aspects of their world.

It's a shame that Ivan will never get to see the kind of person that Mizi's become during her time in the rebellion. After everything she's had to face, he'd probably feel more of a kinship toward her, and with Mizi choosing to fight for a better future for humanity, he probably would be proud of her.

[crustyfloor]

blinking the gun to my forehead and then I'm gone (laughs)

Till, as a parallel to his All-in cover enters the round with a strong presences, unmistakably making his presences on stage known, he looks angry and tired, but he's not in that "catatonic" state that he was in during ROUND 6 anymore.

the moment Till lost his composure and started to stress and panic, the moment he looked back at the gun in the crowd, blatantly aware of the looming threat and openly feared it--was the moment Luka knew he had him right where he wanted him, when Till's mental instability and desperation caught up to him, his inability to contain his emotions completely consumed him, and then, there was the struggle. And Luka revels in the power he holds over Till's head, and the way Till can do nothing about it, not in this state. Till's guitar motif remains prominently in their singing, showing that they're on equal footing, but there is an obvious power dynamic at play underneath this thin veil of a "performance".

Luka does everything right to appeal to their audience, charming the audience with his allure, with perfectly exceptional skills, and constantly showing that he is superior, Luka is the model of a perfect pet-human. Till is contradictory, being naturally rebellious, he was never and would never be content being stuck in a cage to confirm like Luka can, because Luka was trained for in every aspect to fit the role of a perfect pet-human to please the Segyein in every way he acts down to the rhythm of his heart, he is truly a "one of a kind" to the Aliens--and it is all thanks to them that Luka is who he is today, it is in Luka's nature to adapt and obey, Till doesn't accept his environment and actively fights against it.

Till is talented, passionate, and incredibly skilled at his craft, but it didn't matter that all of his songs were hits, it didn't matter that he was very promising and popular. Because the aliens look for a spectacle, a toy, not a human, and Till is so overwhelmingly human. His nature comes back to bite him no matter how much he tries to deny these complexities.

Till tries to stand his ground and regain his control, but even then, he was easily agitated when taunted and provoked by Luka. Luka knew exactly which button to press, unsurprisingly, Luka had seen and analyzed everything from ROUND 6, so when he touched Till's neck and his face in such an intimate manner that could only remind Till of the trauma of ROUND 6, he faltered easily despite himself.

--"The dark crimson air. Embraces us, lifting our spirits" (Possibly in reference to Ivan, because later Till has flashbacks of round 6 with red tint)

--"And the fiery thrill. Blazes out to the sky" (A reference to meteors? then I want to connect it back to Ivan again, because on that night Ivan and he almost escaped, that was probably the happiest he'd ever looked with Ivan, the rush of freedom was thrilling, but he went back to stay with Mizi)

The taunting doesn't even end there, sickeningly. Till is forced to reminisce on the events in round 6, remembering exactly how Ivan's face looked before he fell, and at this point, Till is starting to feel the pressure.

Even suffering physical affects-- a nosebleed from the strain and stress of it all on his body, even just thinking about Round 6 causes such an immense reaction--I'm assuming that this is a result of the experiments and abuse Urak inflicts on him, even just general stress . Because one thing Urak prides himself on is pushing his Pet-Humans to the absolute limit to recognize their talents, be it any method, but without any regard to their mental health. But the sheer cruelty of this treatment doesn't lead to any of his pets living long, Till, having been the last one standing out of all of them, was meant to follow that cycle sooner or later, he had already shown signs that he was deteriorating. This along with the drugs they may or may not be making Till take to keep him compliant. The state of his conscience only seems to get worse the longer he pushes himself, and he puts a strenuous effort into not collapsing.

I'd really like to highlight Till's performance and how strong it actually was during Round 6, Luka's manipulation will intentionally make his opponents look weak, at least, to the ignorant Segyein, despite his struggling Till still managed to make a worthy opponent, if the points he gained were anything to go by--had he been given the opportunity to keep performing without Luka's intervention I think Till would have had better chances of winning (even if by a little). Despite being mentally unstable and physically drained he could still put up a fight next to the likes of Ivan in Round 6 and even Luka, but this round, brought out all of the weakness in Till.

This stage was built on the foundation of Till's despair and meant for Till's demise. And to a t, Luka has every advantage, Luka revels in the control, and feels a sort of giggly euphoria from seeing Till struggling. (It feels very obvious to me that there were some favors put in place here for that to happen.)

Wherever he turns, Ivan's face is plastered on all the big screens so that Till is unable to avoid it. It's almost dizzying the way the camera moves, the flashing lights, the overwhelming purple that symbolizes Luka's complete control. the chaos is meant to symbolize Till's feelings, Ivan looks more stifling as he looks down on Till with such a intense gaze. That pressure, symbolically and quite literally, physically weighs on Till, just close to pushing him to his breaking point. In the end, Ivan is a trauma to Till, a trauma that Till can't even begin to come to terms with or approach. Then, a tool to be used against Till. Luka uses this weakness to his advantage, forcing Till to feel the pain, the anger, the memories, like a prison of his own grief and regret that he can't escape.

--"Oh, in a blink, gone forget everything and just enjoy"

--"Oh, in a blink, gone don't miss this moment"

It's one of the more prominent call-backs to ROUND 3 when, from the perspective of the manipulated, this isn't comforting in the slightest. It isn't at all loving, even though it's gentle and familiar. Luka's type of manipulation tricks the mind into thinking about loss, love-- Luka blurs the line, love and loss, hatred or regret--because you can not feel loss without an attachment, Luka prods at the unaddressed feelings Till has about Ivan, and his subconscious attachment Ivan, it churns Till's inner turmoil, the guilt, the grief, Ivan's frozen grin and eyes staring back at him. It is horrific for Till to be confronted like this, when he puts so much effort into avoiding these feelings, it's pulled to the forefront of his mind, that Ivan died, that Ivan had feelings for him.

And that is why this type of framing is fitting for them, Till's true feelings about Ivan are hidden and misconstrued, even by Till himself as he shoves them down and replaces them with something more easier to rationalize--hatred. His avoidance of Ivan as a whole, and the events of Round 6 is exactly why Luka targeted him this way. Overall like I said before, Till's perspective of Ivan in his memories will probably never be 100% clear, because he is reserved, subtle, and he would be actively repressing them, he is actively avoiding confronting his grief, and the only time he does is when he's forced too, because just from the Round 6 flashbacks stained in red, haunted by death. And reminiscing about all those moments of hurt, annoyance, even affection for Ivan just adds to his spiraling storm of confusing emotions that he can't understand, Till replaces sorrow with anger and channels it into his song, only for it to be used against him.

It is only when Till sees Mizi that he snaps out of it. When their eyes meet, it's like Till is reawakened and immediately regained his composure, hyper focused on finding her in the crowd. Luka notices this and, for a brief second, looks concerned, confused, but he is quick to reel his expression back into something neutral, but he looks at Till in discomforted, Luka can't afford to look anything but the more dominant on stage, but he's baffled to see Till get up again and keep moving, he just wouldn't go down without a fight. Luka addresses Till subtly and aims to reaffirm his sense of control to no avail.

Till desperately staggers to reach Mizi, in that moment, Till is childish again; he looks like a little kid, blushing with wide, bright eyes, and he is genuinely so, so happy to see her. Even his light indicator is changed from red to green in such little time. Mizi's signature pink light shines bright on him as he reaches out with an outstretched hand, and in his perspective she welcomes him warmly, just like she always does.

And then, in seemingly the blink of an eye Till is abruptly shot before he can reach her. Mizi has to watch Till die. And the nature of his death is so visceral Mizi is heartbroken. You would wonder why it is so quick to happen, put yourself in Mizi's shoes, she was so close and they were so happy and just like that--it's over. It goes to show how fast the Aliens shatter humans, even when they least expect it, when they both feel so free and hopeful in the moment. Life, especially their life, is so incredibly un-fucking-fair, but that is ultimately their reality. The Segyein do not care.

It's interesting how Till and Sua's death scenes parallel, even just visually, but more importantly, Mizi's role in both events. She is horrified by the realization that she is totally helpless after believing she can change reality, the reality that Till couldn't be saved, and the reality that Sua had lied to her. key difference, however, Mizi didn't know about death before Sua's death, with Till she knew that was a possibility but was desperate to not lose the last friend she had, so she made a foolish choice because of that childish hope she never let go of.

Immediately we go to a flashback. This scene, in particular, broke me completely, this whole scene goes to show just how close they were as friends, how affectionate and kind Mizi was with Till, even despite his more reserved nature, often keeping to himself and keeping a particular distance between them, still, Mizi and Till have a special bond. it's so important for the both of them that this is highlighted because their friendship is incredibly valued by the both of them. These little memories that Mizi looks back on are the reason why she cares for Till so much. And the innocent nature of Till's love for her is bittersweet.

Till reminisces about the comfort of Mizi's smile at that moment, the one thing Till wanted to protect. One of the many things about her that he fell in love with. Even if they live a cruel, unfair life, Mizi was always gentle and compassionate. It's a stark contrast to when it cuts back to the present and her face is full of tears, even when HyunA warned her she had gone all this way, risked her own life to save Till, despite not knowing him so much, her attachment to him as a childhood friend was more important to her than her sense of self-preservation.

--"Before this piercing, radiant moment. Fades away"

Because Mizi always valued her relationships. He was family, the only family she had left--she was desperate to save her remaining family from such a fate, she knew what was going to happen as soon as she saw him on that screen, maybe, just maybe she can do it. she has to. But they were doomed to despair from the start, they were born into it. Mizi naively thought that if she couldn't save Sua or Ivan, she could at least save Till.

Till can't even bring himself to smile back at her as she weakly tries to comfort him in his last moments, pulling hair out of his eyes and cradling his face. Again, he seeks out her comfort, and tries to comfort her when he touches her hand, but he doesn't die with a smile on his face, he can't even force one because he doesn't want this; he doesn't want to die, and ultimately, he doesn't want to leave Mizi. But he's content with staring into Mizi's eyes as he drifts off, because Mizi is here, he's at peace.

The gentle lullaby for the background music just makes this scene so much more depressing. It's too lighthearted and sweet for a scene like this. When he was a child, Till was hesitant to get close to Mizi, and a lot of people out of fear, doubt, and all kinds of feelings that he'd learned to repress after so many years of living. In his final moments, he was vulnerable, and he was a quiet, gentle melody. That's how I think this atmosphere represents Till more than the brash, loud one that he often adopts. He's a cold, hardened shell with a soft interior. When he's able to be himself, he's just a gentle child, an isolated, abused, sensitive child. His death might be the saddest yet because he had grown up a fighter, he had lived all of his life fighting against The aliens, hurt, abuse, everything, to avoid the very moment he is beaten down into something human and unimaginably vulnerable, when Till stopped fighting back and instead reached out to comfort, to hope, he died. I'm just so glad that Till had comfort and was loved during his final moments until the end.

His relationships with the two most important people in his life are framed like this, darkness and brightness. Ivan is with him in his darkest moments, and Mizi is the brightness Till finds comfort in, Where Ivan is intimidating and confusing, Mizi is safe, and he gravitates towards her like it's instinct. He would never associate her, the girl who is so pure and sweet, with trauma, to ruin her idealized image of her in his head. But even if she looked differently to him now, seeing that she came back to him, he didn't hesitate to run to her. After all, his words in ROUND 2 weren't a bluff. He'd wholeheartedly love her regardless no matter what happens, because it's Mizi. Till's last thoughts being focused on Mizi shows us just how much he looked up to her, Ivan's death was impactful on him just as much as it was traumatic, similar to the karaoke scene, Till focuses and reaches out to Mizi, to blinding warm light, to forget about every pain in the moment. Till dies using that same coping mechanism and it tells me just how hopeless he was in that moment, wishing for any better situation than this, but still. He had her.

(Now, how will this development affect the other characters? I don't think Alien stage, the show, is over yet. Now that Aliens have all their rogue pet-humans back where they want them with no easy way to escape--I think Mizi and HyunA will be used if they don't manage to escape in time, to compete against each other? to compete in the new season or against Luka? no idea, honestly. But I hope they kill Luka cause FUCK that guy.)

[7ndipity]

First Time

Ot7 x Reader

Summary: What the members would be like during their first time with their S/o

Warnings: +18 mdni, smut, swearing, mentions of oral, fingering

A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this! I hope you like it!

Masterlist

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Jin:

I feel like the first time with him would be slightly planned, with flowers and candles waiting when you come home from a lovely date together. But you still make sure to let it happen naturally; if the vibes aren’t right, then he’d happily just kiss you and then call it a night.

If the vibes are right tho, he goes all out.

He can be quite intense at times, but he’d do his best during your first time together to still be gentle with you, with lots of kissing over every bit of your body that he can reach.

I think he would try to keep his own need in check at first, focusing on making sure that you’re completely relaxed and feeling as good as possible.

Once he’s actually inside you though, he would lose all of his composure, rocking into you at such a desperate pace that it takes your breath away.

Afterwards he would be extra soft, and probably a bit shy, hiding his face in your neck as you lay together talking.

Yoongi:

I see your first time together happening very naturally, whether it’s after a romantic date night or the result of a studio makeout session that escalated into you both grinding against each other for relief.

There’d definitely be some tongue technology™ happening. He seems very much to feed off others pleasure, so he would make sure you cum at least twice for each time he does.

Lowkey think he’d prefer you to be on top, especially for your first time together. He’d love being able to hold onto your hips while watching you with glazed over eyes as you find the rhythm and pace that has you both moaning.

Once you both get close to cumming tho, he’d take over a bit, gripping onto you tighter and thrusting up into you so hard that it sends you over the edge almost immediately.

Aftercare would be very soft and quiet, with him tending to you so gently and asking how you feel or if you need anything. He’s also definitely a cuddler, keeping you close for a long while after.

Hobi:

I see Hobi being very sweet and caring during your first time together.

Even though it was rather spur of the moment, he would still want to go slow and take his time with you, making sure that you were both fully comfortable with whatever is happening before things progress to the next level.

There would be a lot of experimenting with different things. He wants to learn every little thing that makes you feel the best and then push them that little bit further to make you see stars.

Despite the intensity of it all, I think he would still be quite playful and very ‘Hobi’ about the whole thing, both of you giggling and teasing each other even as you’re chasing after your highs.

I’ve said it before, but he’d be A+ with aftercare, making sure you’re clean and comfy before pulling you close again and telling you how much you mean to him.

Namjoon:

I see Joon going one of two ways during your first time together:

1. Super soft and tender with lots of soft touching and praise or…

2. Absolutely just fucking railing you after you both snap because you’re both just super desperate and can’t take the tension anymore.

Either way, he’d be super passionate, touching and kissing you with a bruising intensity.

I feel like he’d be very busy with his hands; one second they’re teasing over your chest, the next they’re slipping between your legs to tease and stretch you out for him(he’s very big on prep and foreplay, argue with the wall)

Once he’s actually inside of you, he’s a bit rougher, snapping his hips into yours hard and fast till you're both dizzy with pleasure.

Afterwards he would be super soft and gentle with you, making sure you have everything you need before you drift off to sleep in his arms.

Jimin:

Jimin would be very sweet and passionate, planning out a cozy evening in together, so that you could take your time together without feeling rushed and pressured.

It would start out innocent enough with just some soft, slow kisses, but his hands and lips have a habit of dancing around and making your head go fuzzy, and suddenly you’re straddling his lap and your top’s gone

I see him being a bit of a tease, wanting to see just how desperate and riled up he can make you for him before he finally sinks into you, teasing you with a hand between your legs while he leaves marks along your neck and chest, whispering tiny praises to you as he goes.

Once he finally feels you around him though, he turns almost as whiny and needy as he made you, thrusting deep and fast, desperately chasing your highs while still mumbling praises into your skin.

He would be so sweet with aftercare, not letting you lift a finger while he makes sure you’re clean and hydrated before cuddling up with you and talking til you both fall asleep.

Taehyung:

Tae would want your first time together to be very romantic, tho his perception of ‘romantic’ changes depending on the situation.

Like yes, obviously rose petals and candles are very romantic, but the idea of you both just getting completely lost in the moment and each other while you were supposed to be watching a movie or something is also very beautiful to him.

Either way, he would fucking worship you, tracing over every inch of your body with wide eyed reverence. 

I also see him getting a bit carried away and cumming a little faster than he would’ve preferred, but neither of you would really mind, especially since he’s probably ready to go again almost immediately, lol.

He would be very clingy afterwards, holding you close or laying on your chest, tracing patterns on your skin as you talk until one or both of you fall asleep.

Jungkook:

I think the first time with Jk would be very spontaneous and playful.

I see it happening after you’re both just like hanging out at his place and what started out as just a few teasing kisses spiraled into you pressed into the sofa under him as he fumbles with the buttons on your top.

He’s very much a tease, toying with edges of clothing or just ghosting his hands over where you need him most, but his own eagerness and need would keep him from being too mean, giving in almost as soon as he feels how wet and needy you are for him.

He would be soo intense, but would still try to keep you both grounded in some way, holding your hands tightly in his as he pounds relentlessly into you.

Aftercare would be where more of his soft side would come back, holding you close while you both catch your breath and then helping you clean up and making sure you have water or snacks afterwards.

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