#you dont deserve this man

[crustyfloor]

Content warning (light) : Experiments / Abuse / Body and eye horror tw(?)

The album cover is sick as hell, I initially thought it was skeletal parts, but it looks the most like an MRI scan showing a brain with a lot of abnormalities, including signs of head trauma.

The most profound detail I found in the "brain" is the dark spots.

Dark spots in the brain are usually the result of a brain lesion, a permanently damaged area of the brain usually caused by injury, infections, exposure to certain chemicals, etc. General trauma.

If it's someone's brain, I suspect it's Till's brain. aside from Luka, he has been through the worst of the Alien's mistreatment since he was a child, under Urak's (the bastard's) care he had been exposed to much abuse. The sheer harshness and hostility of Urak's "training" make it obvious why he was probably one of the only pets to withstand it all.

Life-long injury in some form is surely a given to me. Seeing as it's already been mentioned that because of Urak's abuse, his pets rarely make it to the end because of the mental issues they had developed, and experiments can kill them before they even make it to the stage.

Back to the brain, it has a lot of abnormalities (especially in its appearance). I can't explain much, I'm not a neurologist. But based on the research I did the the most damage seems to be near the Frontal lobe and the Precentral gyrus.

source source source

This could explain Till's already implied mental problems, one of them (In my opinion) being some form of dissociation, round 6 was the most telling as his behavior was out of sorts having been broken down he changed drastically, throughout the whole round he was emotionally distant, i'd probably describe it as him being in a daze.

And his hallucination of Mizi during the karaoke scene could be a symptom of that to ease out of the moment.

(I also see that as more of a coping mechanism for Till, but I'm taking it into account for this since it's likely.)

Experiments always looked intense, I wonder just what chemicals and substances he was exposed to, in one of the opening scenes of CURE we're shown what looks to be DNA splitting, or duplicating? there could be a multitude of reasons for that. But it makes me curious just how deep this goes, and how much it affected Till. There is a lot of things about him that could be explained with Urak's presence in his life.

Having his brain tampered with to such a degree, I think we'll start to see the horrific effects come to light here soon.

[kochei0]

I turn to Ares.

Thanks to Tyler Miles Lockett who allowed me to draw inspiration from his ARES piece for page 2! Look at his etsy page it's SICK

⚔️ If you want to read some queer retelling of arturian legends have a look at my webtoon

[mueritos]

happy pride to all queer children of immigrants

patreon

[kandelia-mangrove]

The argument in 2x5 of iwtv is of course iconic. But it also shows that we actually get so little of the true Loumand dynamic and as much as Armand is a manipulating queen, they actually have shared a lot with each other? Like Louis clearly knows a lot more detail about Armand's backstory than the carefully curated stuff they mention to Daniel (like the chop my hands of thing is wild, but he also mentions the cult celibacy stuff). because going back to S2 Episode 3, Louis is the one who walks in and finishes Armand's story. And at the time I was like, "oh thats just the story Armand told him", but he KNOWS there is more - which means they are actively conspiring to present this angle to Daniel. Like we underestimate how much they were both collectively telling this narrative of their life/romance. Truly wild on rewatch. Like they were very competent as partners (in crime and lying) like can you imagine Loustat effectively collaborating at this level?

[tubbytarchia]

I don't know what this is all I know is that LimL Joel makes me really emotional

[littlelightfish]

Disliking Tallchuck is a MAJOR skill issue.

[moeblob]

Someone pointed out "Alex is the glass half full guy and Shane is the glass half empty but he's working on it guy" and so true.

I think Alex is a finger guns kind of guy and I have nothing to support this claim but I'm gonna stand my ground on it. (Alex also just kinda lost on if the blushing or the tearing up is more important and did HE PERSONALLY mess up saying this because he sure as heck doesn't know.)

[starry-bi-sky]

mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.

now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.

He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.

(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)

The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.

The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.

And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.

(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)

The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.

anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)

[ccuniculusmolestus]

rip my darling bunny you would have loved ragebaiting for engagement

[miilkphone]

not even side eyeing anymore, it's just a full on head turn glare toward the people sidelining jimmy being a rapist and the SA of anya in favor of ooo toxic yaoiiii

[asthedeathoflight]

Idk why everyone is always so convinced Armand has a master plan behind the scenes. Like at this moment obviously his story doesn't line up and there's certainly a lot of things he's not saying. But i simply dont understand the appeal of a version of this story in which Armand was secretly in control the whole time. I think what makes him interesting is that he's weak. Hes a coward. Obviously him saying 'i could not prevent it' is a bald faced lie. But that doesn't mean the truth is that he CAUSED IT. I just think its way more interesting if he had nothing to do with the trial and he just kind of. Stood there and did nothing. Hes telling himself he could not have prevented it the same way Louis told himself Lestat didn't warn him about Claudia. Its not a calculated lie meant to deceive Daniel and Louis. It's a lie he's been telling himself for decades. The truth isnt complicated or clever its just very banal and therefore even more tragic. The truth is very simply that he could have prevented it, and he didn't.

[k-ru-h]

i know i said earlier that my interpretation of curly as a victim of jimmy's manipulation as well wasnt necessarily implied in canon but im gonna double down and say it is. ESPECIALLY with the how fish is made dlc.

curly doesn't only enable jimmys behavior towards anya - he enables jimmys behavior tomwards himself. we know jimmy doesn't fulfill his duties to standard, we know curly was putting up with his shit since day one on the tulpar. curly was the only one implied to also be trained as a pilot, meaning that he took on significantly more work rather than confronting jimmy. he let every awful comment jimmy made towards him slide - he let jimmy put him down and villainise his desire to be happier in life. like, its fucking crazy to get mad at your friend for wanting to change his career to be happier? especially on his birthday?

this isnt to say any of that is as bad as literally being raped like anya was, but what little we know of jimmys and curlys dynamic is that jimmy was bitter and spiteful and would take it out on curly, blaming curly for wanting better for himself. curly never pushes back, implying he's accepted this dynamic - he's accepted jimmys tendency to do awful things and then take no blame (no responsibility) as a quirk, as something entirely acceptable.

if you've ever deeply cared for your abuser, chances are you know that desire to view them as innocent. everything harmful they do to you is fine, and thus everything harmful they do to ofhers has to be fine, because you just cannot reconcile these two ideas in your head. they cant be innocent if theyre harming others, and if theyre harming others, what are they doing to you? curly doesn't behave like an enabler, he behaves like a victim. the men who support rapists everybody labels curly as would push back at their friends actions towards themselves. curly never does this.

as curly is effectively unable to communicate after his injury, we dont get his point of view after being directly violated and forced to acknowledge jimmys abuse within the game itself. the game paints very clear parallels between anya and curly - both pregnancy (especially as a result of rape) and disability (especially as a result of violence) result in a loss of autonomy, unwanted and uncontrollable changes to ones body and in this case- the perpetrator getting away with it. like, the way jimmy twists the tale to make curly out as the bad guy is purposefully reminiscent of men who blame women for "asking for it" when accused of rape. curly caused the accident - jimmy is just an innocent victim of his.

in the last one and then another, curly regrets ever joining the pony express. his thought process sounds a lot like that of an abuse victim (because he and everybody working under pony express is a victim of their abuse, of course): "We're defined by our past, but not slaves to it. We said tomorrow will be different. Today would be the last day. The last one. The last one and then another. And another, and another, and another... " its the cycle of forgiving your abuser because you believe they can change, because you believe you can change and break the pattern, and pushing through day by day, never giving up on them. even if curly wasnt abused by jimmy and jimmy was "just" toxic towards him, its clear he has this pattern of thought deeply engraved in him. we don't know everything jimmy did to him, we barely know of what he did aboard the tulpar, but at the VERY LEAST he exploited curlys trauma for his own benefit. it could be argued curly shouldnt have passed the psych eval, but neither should have jimmy.

lastly, anya and curly clearly serve as parallels in the game. anya is an incredibly capable doctor, she wasnt unable to give him medicine because of disgust - she bandaged him herself, thats far more dirty work. she related to him too much. she saw herself in him - somebody who lost their body and their voice. even without knowing the same man did this to both of them. theyre both victims of abuse, of violation, of a man who could never take responsibility, of a sistem that allowed all of this in the first place. curly shouldnt have enabled jimmy, but curly shouldnt have had anything to enable in the first place. jimmy shouldn't have raped anya, he shouldnt have crashed the ship. pony express shouldnt have abused its workers. whichever regime holds power over it shouldnt have allowed it to happen in the first place. you can acknowledge somebody made a mistake, and yet understand they were abused too. jimmy was exploited by the capitalist society he lived in. if he had access to mental health services, he couldve gotten better. everybody in this game is a victim of circumstance, but jimmy hurt people nonetheless. curly hurt anya nonetheless.

anyways im going to set everybody who says curly "deserved it" on fire to prove their point.

[i-eat-mold]

Oh, betty

[clockworkreapers]

And then we found you. The child with the broken brain. The one insanity couldn't touch. Tales From The Gas Station Vol 4

[chainsawctopus]

You, me, and our loss of autonomy.

[b4kuch1n]

pre-marination doobles. dont ask me questions