#throws myself down a well
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âOh, donât you worry! I knew from the start! You always thought I was an utter mistake!â
âNo- no, no, no, we never said anything like that-!â âNow, now, daycare attendant!â
âLying is against the rules.â
#more passive aggressive shit starting totally not a self insert I swear shdgdjsh#bones of a rabbit art#Babbit the daycare rabbit#hazel the happy hare#hazy day zy#fnaf#fnaf oc#fnaf sun#oc x canon#doodle#sketch#cringe#catharsis#drawing slightly demented expressions is fun ok#anyway#throws myself down a well
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I have to be the most fuckable person in this saw bathroom
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reminder to writers/self
its ok to write shitty poems its ok to write shitty song lyrics its ok to write shitty stories its ok to be unoriginal its ok to reuse a line from something else you wrote its ok to reference other works its ok to be proud of shitty writing its ok to be proud of great writing its ok to be proud in general its ok to not use overcomplicated intricate wording in writing its ok to write about dumb shit its ok to write about fictional events its ok to write something awesome but have one weak line you cant really fix its ok to write something terrible but have one amazing line that doesn't fit its ok to write about emotions you don't really grasp its ok to write
#needed to tell myself this stuff because i seldom write bangers and it was getting me down#poetry#poems#poets#writers#writing#songwriting#songwriter#lyricism#lyrics#fanfic#fanfiction#positive affirmations#<-- not from a fp perspective but just in general. tell yourself its ok#writers block#im more of a visual artist myself so all of this applies to those mediums as well#proship safe#gotta throw all these stupid tags in here because i know this bothers other people too
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hey uh do you have any advice for getting into zine making? especially like the kind of multimedia/collage ones? idk i think they're cool and i maybe want to start making some but i dont know how to start
start with scraps! receipts, tickets, offcuts, etc. takes the pressure off a bit. my first collage zine was put together with receipts and packaging cutouts! it was just about my groceries
you could do something like that. orrr collect some bits and bobs to cut/tear some shapes and stick them onto the pages. very simple but it could be a way to try out different ways of securing them, like using stitch, staples, tape. most of the time its to get a fun effect, but also glue isn't always enough. like i had to sew the netting in the 2nd image ^
tbh i find it kinda hard to give advice with multimedia/collage because for me, it's very much just jumping straight into it. if i think about it too much i get Extremely caught up in details and it's not fun, but you might work better with more planning! also don't be scared to rip or cover something if it's not working. done that many times đ
#sorry it's a bit vague but well. what i said above. but basically imagine me writing Experiment on a whiteboard and underlining it#i found collage extremely hard to get into. like i had to force myself to sit down and do it#then i realised it's cuz i was always too specific about what i wanted and getting frustrated it wasn't turning out like that#so my process is literally just like. Brain Off. Gluestick On#i'm allowed to have a vague idea of what i want. colours and text. like my planning for 'Get me out of here' was just writing drafts#but layout? that's a problem for me when i get there!!!!!#ANYWAY UM Yes in my experience collage is just throwing my ass at it until something happens. my ultimate test in trusting the process#because what the hell is the paper doing#anonymous#ask#zine talk
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this could be kuwameshi if you guys would like. take my hand and trust me
#yyh spoilers in tags#like major spoilers ok#which ig i dont usually tag but whatever#the if i had to choose between the world and you it's you thing happened. and it was KUWABARA like hhhhgghh#yusuke makes him forget his honor code sometimes and i need you guys to see that with me#bc it makes me wanna fling myself into the ocean over and over again#kuwabara literally is like you need to be alive bc otherwise im nothing idek who i am. please let me punch you#and he wails this multiple times#and yusuke would burn down the world himself if he thought it'd help his friends we all know that#and doomed by the narrative? mmm with the ever escalating world ending nature of being a spirit detective thats kinda there#throw in the sudden demon-human age gap post yusuke death 2 and you've got some narrative dooming in a way#but not enough for me to well and truly call them doomed by the narrative#yyh#yu yu hakusho#kuwameshi#kazuma kuwabara#yusuke urameshi#ofc i can handle you at your worst thats basically you all the time is Very kuwa to yusuke#and maybe we can figure out what the hell ur problem is over dinner sometime is Very yusuke to kuwa#actually i should draw that. or make it a textpost or something#but like turning up the protectiveness/possessiveness thats already there with them in line with the whole#'ive watched you die' trauma they Both have means that like. i think they would Need to have each other around for a period of time#in the wake of sensui's bs perhaps. and then yusuke cuts it all off and they start to get a bit healthier about it. hm#i think about them all the time it's like if typicsl shonen rival/bestie homo-ness was kind of scary and painful#like they love each other but the ways they hurt each other and hurt over each other drive me fucking insane
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reading dazai, chuuya, age fifteen for the finally and now i'm just mad i didn't read it earlier like
first of all why does this have the best first chapter of all time ever like this french waiter lookin ass nameless grunt looks like he smakes cigars and shotguns with hiroutsu tell me i'm wrong you can't
and chuuya chuuya chuuya chuuya chUUYA OH MY BELOVED i am suddenly personally connected with dazai on a spiritual level because i too would become obsessed with this dude if he stomped on my face. i'm already obsessed without him stomping on my face.
ALSO WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THIS WHY IS THE ENTIRE FANDOM SLEEPING ON THESE PANELS
"what's wrong? i'm just on my tippy toes" chuuya sweetie i am going to go fucking FERAL
ballerina chuuya agenda real
also
everyone else go home like i'm sorry i really am. kunikida babe i love you with a gun dazai you look good with one too tachihara you're my baby but like none of you ever use bullets again please your fully grown asses are embarrassing once i've met fifteen year old chuuya catching bullets in his mouth and blowing back a literal kiss of death back at you like look at his hand at the end there, i'm losing my mind
#also the artstyle if fucking GORGEOUS im going to riot#i am so full of emotions rn idk where to unleash them#HE IS EVERYTHING TO ME YOUR HONOR#look how pretty he is#look how BABY he is#smol chuuya hijacking planes and doing pirouettes so true#also the skk implications here as well like wdym this guy took down a whole plane and literally bit bullets before even finishing puberty#is now doing rich girl impressions in falsetto to make your traitor ass laugh after four years of no contact#bsd makes me feel unwell iidek if i can finish this manga without throwing myself into traffic#bsd#nakahara chuuya#dazai chuuya age fifteen#bsd manga#the sigma show#my post#reading bsd 15
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the servers are closing???
#hp magic awakened#hpma#ive been playing since launch day#actually going to throw myself down a well rn
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i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like
#idk he knows me more than anyone bc i can't hide the parts i'm ashamed of from him#last night he was like. yeah EYE think you have adhd but i'm just some guy#idk i'm excited about this not because i want to be Quirky for internet reasons. yknow. but bc i've felt like an impostor of a human being#and i have no sense of self and i can't get myself to do basic tasks and the thought of doing something i don't want to do#genuinely makes me want to throw up/my brain shuts down/i can't think or talk or function to the point where i can't work.#so i can't support myself. so i feel terrible about myself. and i've been in and out of therapy for 20 years and have numerous diagnoses#that have never really felt like they fully encapsulate what's going on. and like. i've kinda just internalized that i'm not as good at#being a person as everyone else because i struggle so so much. like yeah i did well in school but i had to sacrifice literally everything#else to do that. idk how everyone else is managing to have a job and hobbies and friends#i get to pick like. one now. i used to be able to juggle everything to some degree although i felt like i was being careless in all areas#except school. i'm so scared of making mistakes or starting anything or talking to new people or trying new hobbies#because i know it won't interest me more than a couple weeks MAX and i'll feel listless and restless again#and i've come to understand this as part of who i am at my core. i'm just someone who can't commit and isn't reliable or a good friend#i just want so badly for that not to be the case because i want so badly to not be stuck like this#idk im going home to talk to my dad this weekend and just rest because i'm really really not doing well#which is why i'm scrambling to try to figure out what's going on with me because idk how much longer i feasibly can do this#and i might be moving back to the pnw bc therapists in pa don't work with medicaid#and no psychiatrists near me are taking new patients. and i can't work to get on private insurance. but therapists in or do work w medicaid#so idk. again if youre diagnosed w adhd and this sounds not like someone who is consuming social media brain rot content about adhd#but rather someone whose experiences you identify with. please let me know. please please#i am reaching out to professionals also but things move slowly and i'm trying to compile evidence so i don't sound like i'm making it up
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ahemâŚyour genzy drabble, my good carrot :3
(direct copy-paste from what I dumped in my friendâs DMâs lol)
hear me out on this: iggy working on a rlly important project for work or doing a rlly hard boss fight in his game that makes him do this to the point itâs late
Genzou leans on the arm of Iggyâs gaming chair âDamn, youâre really still on this, huh? Been hearinâ ya type all day. Itâs a wonder how your fingers arenât crampinâ.â he comments.
Iggy just nods. âYeah. This shit is taking me way longer than it should. And trust me, they are.â Iggy frowns and furrows his brows as he utters that last sentence.
Genzou yawns and blinks tired, lazy eyes. âWell, Iâm heading up to bed. Today knocked me flat on my ass and I need my beauty sleep so I donât drive myself up the fuckinâ wall tomorrow.â
âMâkay. Iâll head up too when Iâm done.â Iggy replies, eyes still glued to the screen.
Genzou kisses his cheek. âNight, Iggs. Please donât work yourself to the bone. I expect to see my adorable stick figure-shaped boyfriend in my arms when I wake up tomorrow, okay? Love you so much.â
âStick figure???â Iggy cocks a brow and turns his head, but Genzou has already started walking down the hall and moving his cane around to try to find their bedroom door.
Later that night, Genzou wakes up, blearily blinking his eyes and sitting up a bit in he and Iggyâs bed. He doesnât need to see to know that itâs still late as fuck from the way he can hear the cicadas still screaming from outside due to the open window kept open to keep air circulation through the apartment. God, he has to piss. Drinking before bed is always a fucking mistake.
Genzou pads down the hall down to the bathroom, feeling against the wall for that familiar handle, and does his business. After flushing, he begins to walk back towards the bedroom, where he hears soft breathing coming from his left. Genzou blinks, then remembers. Oh right, Iggy was working on something, wasnât he? He mustâve passed out midway.
Genzou may have been exhausted and ready to crash as soon as he hit the soft sheets of their bed again, but he canât help but smile to himself a little imagining Iggy asleep as his computer, laying forward on his arms and drooling a little like he did when they were kids.
Genzou walks quietly over until the breathing sounds as close as it can get. Genzou feels for the computer desk a tad, confirming that Iggy is right in front of him.
He reaches his arms out, carefully finding Iggyâs legs and back, scooping him gently into his arms, feeling his boyfriendâs warmth against his chest as Iggy instictively cuddles against his chest, nuzzling his face against Genzouâs neck. Genzouâs heart flutters a bit. He swears that there has never been a time that Iggy doesnât make his chest want to explode, in anxiety or in adoration. He loves this boy so goddamn much.
Genzou carries Iggy back to their bed, careful not to wake his sleepy boy up, and places him tenderly onto the bed, tucking him underneath the sheets which Iggy quickly curls into. Genzou climbs in next to him, wordlessly pulling him into his chest and closing his eyes, kissing Iggyâs forehead and listening to his soft snores before sleep finally takes him as well.
(okay drabble over aaaaaaaaaaaa they make me so ill. all I ever do is write about iggy maxwell being cute with boys >/////<)
actual photographic evidence of me reading this:
this is SOOOOOOO CUUUUUUUUTE ARGJGGJKJDKJFASLKDJFASD
LOSING MY MIND
i could not stop smiling and flailing đđ
this was too precious and sweet thank you so much for sharing. it really made my day!!!!!!!
"all I ever do is write about iggy maxwell being cute with boys" -> LKDLKFJASDLKFASD I CHOKED WITH LAUGHTER real tho
#ask: ow#fanfic: ow#fanfic: iggy#fanfic: genzou#fanfic: genzy#so cute i'm gonna be sick /pos#actively throwing myself down a well#sooooooooo sweet#wahhhhhhhhhhhh#tears forming an endless river down my face
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"you're too sensitive" yes that's because i'm sensitive. hope this helps
#i've unlearned a lot of shame around the whole ~oversensitive~ thing#but then someone throws it out - not even maliciously - and suddenly i'm every past version of myself that felt so silly for having feelings#i let it harden me before and i won't do it again!!!#today was going so well#it's only 1pm in fairness there's still time to turn it around#i'm going to eat some macaroni and pretend my feelings aren't hurt#love to my fellow big feelinged bitches i'd lay down my life for all of you đ
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they need to make a killing myself I can do every weekend but only on the weekends so I can get up fine on monday and go to work again
#.vent#maybe i should start drinking so i can get blackout drunk every weekend. or fuck around w sedatives or pay someone to just whack me round#the head with a sledgehammer on friday evenings and hopefully ill recover from the concussion by mondays#its not even funny what the fuck is wrong with me that i have to spend all my free time trying not to kill myself i feel so sick#im literally fine at work i guess i just dont know how to have fun or be happy or feel wanted or cared for or loved by other people#but dont have to think about that when im working so its fine 5/7 days which is pretty good. im so lonely i want to throw up#tried to leave the house got ready and everything and then burst into tears for no reason ive spent the past hour trying to talk myself#down from hurting myself and i probably wont in the next few hours but i almost certainly will before the day is up. oh well#man who fucking cares. typing this isnt making me feel any better i dont really know what to do anymore#i have a drs appt in 2 weeks for smth unrelated but maybe ill ask abt antidepressants. theres nothing specific causing this#my brain just doesnt work right.i dont even feel like a person most of the time#well nothing else to say đ
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Hey this just in? Ptsd sucks balls
#Oversharing on the internet times#Ptsd#-10/10 don't recommend#Ugh#Need my brain scrubbed and shaken out#I would like a new one please and thank you#I promise I won't let this new one be tortured I'll be extra careful#Love how my subconscious has decided that I'm just the worst person on earth all my dreams lately are like#Hey what if you were monstrous? What I'd you personally committed horrific acts against other human beings?#Let's explore that reality in hd#These aren't even the fun nightmares where I can convince myself I'm not seconds from throwing up they were so bad and can decode them#And do dream work with them#Those nightmares always end up having really cool symbolism and are helpful in deeply deeply meaningful ways#I am willing to suffer those nightmares I have made my peace with them it's like a game almost#These ones just shake me up for fucking days and become a never ending spiraling cycle ugh ugh ugh#It's like my intrusive thoughts were made I to a TV show fuck#Me: slightly rude to my gf#My brain: what if you were the same level as evil as rapist#Me: great I'm going to throw up and claw my skin off and have a panic attack thank you brain that was super fucking helpful#The way that my brain is convinced that I'm evil actually is sure is....#Well. It. It seems like my brain learned to abuse myself that it's doing the work of my torturer for her ten years down the line#Mm. Hate that thought a lot actually going#....I was actually going to keep these tags fairly short I wanted this post to be a vague haha ptsd sure is something post and not#Spill my guts in the tags again but what else is new have done this for years so whatever
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i've finally reached the part in the semester where we're covering the second law of thermodynamics. matt bellamy we're in it together now
#i post#no but in all seriousness it's super cool and i shouldn't make it out to be super hard because i should have confidence in myself#i'm also finally getting to use energy equations in a fun way (that E = KE + PE shit you probably saw in the last few years of grade school#you don't really get much use out of them in the first two sections covering simple kinematics and then EM#beyond them being slightly more convenient ways of solving problems#but they're obviously essential to thermodynamics and now it's fun#i still don't test well however but the prof is the gay tumblr user to my luke skywalker. he sees my chanel boots. he sees me throw down--#on the practice problems we do in class#so i have a chance at an A in the class with a really really cool extra credit assignment#right after spring break i have to give a 5-10 minute presentation on thermodynamics WRT my major#the most obvious low-hanging fruit is the color of stars (and if i can't find anything else i will do that)#but i'm almost tempted to try and find a hw problem in the book and do a whole thing on that#that way i get to show off the fact that i do know how to do math i just have a really poor memory lol#or maybe i'll do something on the future of the universe at the largest timescales-- like how all star cores will eventually turn to iron#or how black holes gradually dissolve#idk#but yeah super cool shit
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Sometimes I feel like I should just bite the bullet and join Twitter because sometimes I end up lurking on there and find news about PPG related things I otherwise didnât know about⌠despite the fact that I do have a network of amazing people who follow my blog who alert me of Big Events from time to time. I feel like I might end up being a little more in the loop if I just made an account.
âŚbut itâs Twitter⌠đ¤˘
#every time Iâm done lurking Iâm in an even worse mood than I was before I lurked#and I donât really dip my toes that deep into the ppg twitterspace buuuuut#âŚI have certainly seen some hellish things⌠đŤŁ#I feel like I just need to stay here#hold down the fort for the cool people#I donât even wanna make a poll asking if I should join Iâm too afraid of what the result would be lol#you all just very well might be like PLEASE JOIN TWITTER and Iâll end up throwing myself out of a window in despair
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it hasn't been that long but as I said vv brainrot will never let you go. I didn't catch it in ep 1 but ep 2, I was just crazy about puentalay dynamics that mork and day radiated.
you can't understand me (day to mork, puen to talay)
why are you shirtless (poor talay asked about it more than once)
get out of my room (tess-talay expelling puen)
how old are you (not again, guys)
you don't want to know what I look like (I'm already dreaming of vice versa, sure)
watching a movie and wasted food that ended up on the floor (poor staff who have to clean it up again)
scary huh (puentalay are here and no one will convince me, even the way day pushed mork gives puentalay)
calling day (calling talay in the ambulance)
after an argument, someone tells the character sea where to look for the character jimmy (neo; namtan)
a ride on a moped (thank god for the absence of yamaha)
mork talks at the aquarium in a soft voice (as if jigsaw is standing nearby)
we have to give the fish a name (let's call the palette by your name - rawi palette)
the way day got nervous after mork's words about loneliness reminded me of puen and talay's date at a jazz restaurant, where puen said he remembered all the lines of the "mascot of friends credits", talay was so nervous at that moment
IT MAY NOT HAVE BEEN THAT LONG BUT VICE VERSA BRAINROT ANON MY BELOVED I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!
i agree with you that during episode 1 there weren't that many moments that reminded me of vice versa, tho i have to admit i did not quite realized just how many things puen and mork have in common. jimmy really sees a bisexual character with dead parents who gets arrested at least once throughout the show and looks at sea's character with a love so deep and encompassing it strikes you almost like a physical blow to the gut and he's like THAT'S MY TRUE CALLING (also fun fact for anyone who doesn't know it: in the vice versa novel puen has a sister too)
EPISODE 2 THO!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE SOOOO RIGHT PUENTALAY'S SPIRITS WERE THERE I FELT THEM IN THE EARTH I FELT THEM IN THE AIR AND THEY GOT ME SOBBING ON MY KNEES!!!!!!! THE MOVIE SCENE WAS SO INSANE LIKE THAT PLAYFULNESS?????? THAT'S JUST PUENTALAY IN A NUTSHELL!!!!!!!!! you honestly got so many parallels, some of which i didn't even think about (THE 'MORK YELLING FOR DAY AND PUEN YELLING FOR TALAY' ONE HAD ME CRAWLING THROUGH SHARDS OF GLASSES THANKS FOR REMINDING ME), but may i also submit to your consideration:
mork looking around day's room vs talay looking around puen's (well, tun's) room (and interesting enough, both contain a sort of aquarium) [WATER MOTIF MY BEST FRIEND WATER MOTIF]
mork giving day a jasmine flower vs puen giving talay lotus flowers (in multiple occasions)
MEANINGFUL GIFTS!!!!!!!!!
shirts with meanings!!!!!!!!!
ALSO LISTEN. GMMTV can pry 'mork' from my cold dead hands but if there's one reason im willing to allow the 'mhok' transliteration is because of THIS
AND THEN THEY WENT AND ALSO MADE JIMMY PLAY MEK IN PLOY'S YEARBOOK LIKE AT THIS POINT THEY'RE DOING IT ON PURPOSE FR âđ
#IM REALLY SO HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN ANON!!!!!!!! đđ#BUT NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I NEED TO GO THROW MYSELF DOWN A WELL REAL QUICK#BECAUSE LOOKING AT THOSE LAST TWILIGHT AND VICE VERSA SCREENSHOTS SIDE BY SIDE IS AWAKENING SOMETHING PRIMAL IN ME#LITERALLY THEE MOST BEAUTIFUL SHOWS WITH SO MANY HIDDEN MEANINGS AND THOUGHTFUL DETAILS#GETTING INVOLUNTARILY COMMITTED ABOUT IT#vice versa#last twilight the series#m: ask
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Yâall is Hollow Knight hard or do I just suck because oh my god??
#not gonna inflict my ramblings onto someone elseâs post so just making a text post for myself#but oh my god#what the fuck?#maybe Iâm not a hardcore metroidvania fan but I like them well enough#do I suck that badly at games now?? am I old to the point that my hands canât do this shit????#did I just somehow fuck myself at some point???#because wow this feels kind of sadistic????#and not even in the fun kind of way?????#like I think Iâd rather submit myself to fear and hunger again rather than continue where I am now in hk#idk maybe Iâm missing something#but I just got wall jump and was so happy until I fell down to where you can challenge those mantis dudes#got myself out of there but then as I was exploring northwest I keep dying and reviving from the fucking bouncy balls over water#and the normal mantis mobs are also kicking my ass?#and dont even get me started on the weird tentacley nuclear bomb mushroom things those are just bullshit#AND THEN AS I WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME EXPLORING HEADING TOWARDS A SAVE BENCH I GET DROPPED INTO DEEPNEST??????#WHAT KIND OF JUMPSCARE BULLSHIT??????????#AND THE FUCKING COCKROACHES THAT NEVER SEEM TO STOP SPAWNING KILL ME#and then I see how fucking far back Iâve been dropped in the corner of fungal wastes#and I try jumping through the fucking bouncy balls again#and I die and lose my money#I canât fucking do this shit anymore yâall holy fucking shit#the number of times Iâve died and restarted from that fucking fungal wastes bench I am so sick of it đ#legit I think this is the first time Iâve rage quit a game#itâs been a while since a gameâs actually made me this angry I want to fucking throw something đ#the willpower and self control I needed to not chuck my pro controller across the roomâŚ#if I didnât have neighbors and a unit below me Iâd be throwing shit for sure though#but instead I must smack pillows against my mattress in a rage đ#I think I hate the âgo back to where you died to get back your moneyâ punishment system⌠like legit I actually really really hate it.#I do think the game is fun and I know Iâll probably quickly gain the money⌠but it feels like the gameâs telling me I fucking suck lmao#suffice to say I will not be playing any more hollow knight for the foreseeable future đ
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