#throw my legs over them
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Men with sturdy, broad shoulders!!!!! 😩
#they get me every time#I think it’s my true weakness#just a man who can carry the weight of the world on his shoulders#throw my legs over them#this is about both Levi and Aki
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Sight of a Star - Blue-ish Star Ryōshū and Don Quixote
#HERES HOW BLUE-ISH STAR BELIEVERS CAN STILL WIN I PROMISE#Rendering sucks but I do like how these look very much. I hate drawing armour. big fan of dramatic shadows however.#but! as for justifications:#B-iS is an abno regarding what one so desperately wants but cannot have - possibly connecting to Blue Star and the paradise-like place-#people wish to reach by throwing themselves into it. though what is offered by B-iS is a much less refined yet as tantalising#given the text of 'The irresistible allure is almost tearing you apart' and the less refined bit being implied by both design#[jagged edges of the actual blue shape and legs like dolls - both unlike BS' much rounder and more naturalistic design]#in short it's the manifestation of impossible dreams - for Don this is her quest for a just knighthood in the City of all places#and for Ryōshū [though idk her source] it is her final work of art - the Hell Screen#when approached one's body is 'pushed away' as if a manifestation of how it is unachievable. at least it is for them#'To be truly blue the one with the true blue must be left alone in one’s blueness.'#is what I interpret as: 'to truly dream the dreamer must be left to one's fantasies'#dreams by nature do not intersect well with reality. all their flaws will be shown and they will crack under the pressure of the real world#it is why the dream pushes them away. to preserve itself. also probably has something to do with how DQ also has void dream#and this abno gives pride boosts in its event. and I personally see pride as a sort of 'self assurance' or 'self above others' so to speak#as to chase ones dreams one must think themselves the exception. as the one that can persevere over the City#plus the HP damage and the various juxtapositions in the 'forward' option may be in reference to how dreams and reality don't mix.#harming those who chase them. though all the same the 'backwards' option shows that simply tossing them aside shall hurt in its own way#to think oneself 'impure' enough to give up on chasing it is all the same resignation on your uniqueness#as for the gift: the name is possibly to do with how lower stars seem easier to reach. and the effect of damage at minus SP....#going insane dream chasing?#but to take ones leave allows for it to be left behind without any further effects. you did not look at your dreams. acknowledge them at al#but are you better off like that? not dreaming? forgetting that brilliantly unfinished star?#but anyways I hope you liked my rambles. also this abno and everything related to Blue Star is so tastefully C flavoured that I love them#and fun fact! when I was first generally mapping sinners to unfightable/EGOless abnos I entirely forgot Ryōshū somehow. which led to this.#they don't have weapons they just kick real hard and it works well enough#limbus company#ryōshū lcb#don quixote lcb#🎠🚬
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little guy saga continues this time with the biggest little guys you've ever seen 🤖
#gekiranger#changeman#kakuranger#dairanger#sentai#mecha#power rangers#drawing the robots always feels so daunting i have a bad habit of getting lost in the sauce with all the details and parts and symmetry#but if i make them CUTE and SMALL i can throw accuracy out the window and actually have fun drawing them lmao#changerobo gun shoulders peak design every robot should have gun shoulders#favourite thing about showa sentai is how we only really get one robot so i end up getting VERY. ATTACHED. to the robot by the end#and boy howdy am i attached to changerobo#super kakure daishogun my BELOVED not a day goes by where i dont think about his little fwoggy legs i cannot get over his little fwoggy leg#i've always had a soft spot for geki tohja#he's agile and bouncy and bae always made the fights feel so hype ALSO. big kitty cat x3#ryuseioh theme goes so fucking hard and you KNOW how i am over polearms i dont think we need to discuss further#2024 art tag#anyone sick of my little guys yet??????? pls dont be sick of my little guys 🥺🥺🥺
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post depressive episode clarity like what the fuck do you mean they'll never disappear, just fade.
#mine#tw: sh#i'll be a 30yo woman a 40yo woman a 50yo woman a 60yo woman and someday an old woman with SCARS ON MY ENTIRE LEGS?? like forever????#and i KNOW i broke through enough skin layers for these to never heal entirely like catscratches do#forever? for real? like the rest of my days? i'm never gonna have a healthy clean body like everyone else ever again?#it's THAT easy to just throw it away forever in a second?#i'm gonna be sick#what the fuck man#like both shoulders both thighs both calves entirely ruined#what the actual. fuck.#FUCK.#the awful part of the last year is over thank god#it was an episode lasting from like idk january until#august maybe#i think i'm finally feeling better#but i was really looking into legal psychiatric euthanasia there. drafting my fucking mail to the Dying With Dignity type companies#cause i went to a shrink who told me that i have bpd and while i didn't believe him#fact of the matter is that in some eu countries you're allowed to get euthanized for that. so .#but that doesn't matter i'm a bit better now i'm not thinking about it as much anymore#but it sickens me that#not only do i have to fucking take it alone#but i also have to deal with a lifetime of ridicule disgust “turn off” and pity afterwards#my own best friend told me to make sure to cover up when we slept at a relative's#and i felt it was ridiculous that anyone could even judge me negatively based on the scars when it's me who had to deal with this shit#not them!! and clearly it wasn't fucking easy!!! like if anyone it's not you who's getting hurt from this!!!!!!#i asked her whether she would ever be thrown off by seeing healed scars#and in the coldest tone she replied 'No but I would not know how to explain that to my kids.'#the relatives did not. in fact. have kids.
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gill has been electrocuted so many times i dont even remember when all these lightning scars are from
#my post#at some point i just started throwing them onto different parts of his body bcus i was running out of room for them#one on his back from being struck by lightning in 63. on chest from being brough back from dunjon.#i think??? hands might be from the la alma cage match???#but ive got it on his legs too and i literally just dont know??? electrodon maybe???????#plus just so many misc cuts and scrapes all over. good lird that fish is beat up looking#hes also got so many random fucking bullet holes from letting jay shoot him for fun. i have to remember all the times thats happened?!?!???#for fun. i am doing this for fun. no one is holding a gun to my head saying 'oh mars your ref sheets have to be perfect'
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fun little headcanon I have is that after like the second abduction Julian asked Kira to train him on how to fight
#star trek: ds9#julian bashir#kira nerys#like im sure he has some combat training just by virtue of being Starfleet#but clearly. he needs something more#and I think he'd ask Kira because shes the fighter thats closest to his size#compared to say Worf#and he knows he'll learn more from her than he would one of the Starfleet security officers#Kira's been fighting since she was a child she'll show him how to throw someone twice his size over his shoulder#which she demonstrates by easily throwing him across the room#its great for both of them#its nice bonding time and also it lets them both let off some steam#but also sometimes its very funny#the first time they properly sparred Kira accidentally broke Julian's nose#and it was a complete accident she threw an elbow and he moved in a way she wasn't expecting and CRACK#Julian thought it was funny meanwhile she wanted to sink into the floor and never emerge#the first time Julian manages to flip Kira he's ECSTATIC#Kira proceeds to sweep his legs out from under him and goes 'thats a lesson in humility' while he's groaning in pain#theyre on my brain rn because I am writing them#I love them and their dynamic that exists in my head
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D3G_Takahashi you are the boniji artist ever 💗💛
Their art really make me feel like this every time
I haven't seen all of their boniji/BTR art yet but these are my favorites so far (tho tbh I love all of their art!)
Source under the cut
#every time they upload boniji fanart I squeal and giggle and kick my legs and punch the air and throw up and explode#their art is just SOOO CUTE!!! and so wholesome!!!#and it's nice that they upload pretty consistently and when they do it makes my day and always put a smile on my face :)))#there are some okay boniji artists on twt but they're my favorite#and I followed them the moment I found their art when I was scouring boniji fanart there#and afaik they don't make sus fanart which is kinda my ick to some BTR artists on twt#so it's pretty refreshing to find an artist who makes fluffy wholesome fanarts#like it's so charming that they captured the highschool sweethearts/crush feeling#and the occasional domestic bliss so well on their boniji art it's so friggin sweet!!#also they like to draw Nijika with tsuchinoko!Bocchi often which I find precious xD#gosh I wish I could express my admiration for their art but my jp is not that great#and I feel self conscious if I comment some English gibberish gushing over their art#I'm just sooo normal abt their bnj art (◔‿◔) *barking biting snarling going around in circles foams at the mouth*#ALSO! ALSO!! THEY AND OTHER BNJ ARTISTS ARE SELLING BNJ DOUJINS/ZINES SINCE DEC31 AND I WANTED SO BAD TO BUY IT 😩😫😭😭IF NOT ALL OF THE ARTIS#but I never ordered/don't know how to order stuff from JP before and even if I knew I'm broke af 😔#*sigh* oh well I'll guess I'll wait- HOPE that someone who bought it will translate it and upload it to dynasty scans someday :')🤞🤞
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I'M GOING TO CALL MYSELF OUT BEFORE ANYONE ELSE CAN
How fucking telling is it that for the most part I don't care about The Dragon Prince bc it was always my sister's interest, not mine, I was just roped into watching it, BUT the four parts of it I do care about are:
1) The lesbians
2) The honestly kinda toxic relationship that is the embodiment of "Your hands are scarred with murder and yet I trust them completely"
3) The character who destroyed and betrayed herself for nothing in hopes of saving whatever remained of her family
4) The dead child whose death influenced the fate of the world
#in order: jamaya. clauderry. claudia. leola#nothing else matters idgaf#I've been a diehard jamaya shipper since 2019 lmao don't test me#and a clauderry shipper for two seconds but the scene where he washes the grime off her and cuts her hair and makes her a prosthetic leg#that my sister told me to look up is making me very very soft for them#I declared Claudia my favourite character nearly 5 years ago and no one has ever compared#she's like if we saw azula actively get corrupted. hits right in the daddy issues#and leola... I have not watched any scenes with her bc I already cry enough these days#but she really reminds me of lien-hua narrative wise and I'm chewing glass over it#fun fact when I started to say 'leola reminds me of-' out loud my sister said#'if you're going to name some random oc from the mess you've made of lok canon I'm literally never speaking to you again'#'.... okay then it doesn't matter who she reminds me of'#children who couldn't have been saved. whose deaths seem inconsequential. but the entire world would've been different had they lived#screaming crying throwing up etc etc#okay this is getting long as fuck and I'm tired of typing
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3rd- Kro has been keeping his eyes on Gil and noticed Gil on the market, he told Gil that he saw her with a lady— Gil said that it was her sister Sersi. But Kro insisted and described the lady with a blonde hair, pale skin, every detail that made Gil clench his fist. He said that although he was using his binoculars he could see how beautiful that lady is. Kro also described to him the treasure he caught days ago and it happens that how he described it is the same how he described the lady he said was with Gil and that made Gil even more mad.
Gilgamesh tried to mess with him asking if the treasure he caught was a human because he describes it very humanly, but Kro just laughed cornering Gil with the question where is the lady that he's with days ago. And then Thena suddenly submerging walking through Gil's back, she cameback and she went with the plan Gil instructed to her earlier ago (you decide what plan that is and reveal it here). Luckily Gil and Thena had manage to stay with the plan without getting suspicious. Kro walked through Gilgamesh and Thena tried hissing at him but Gil managed to soothe her for Kro not to notice something unusual with her. Kro said that he'll keep an eye on him but he's looking at Thena, and then they left.
I THINK IT'S A LOT, SO SORRY😭 AND THANK YOU!✨♥️
"Gil."
"Kro."
Gil grunted as Kro shoved him aside, marching into the house again. He wasn't here to dance around the subject, though. He had a wire in hand already, "where is she?"
Gil shut the door, keeping an eye on the muscleheads Kro had brought with him. "This again?"
"Nice try, Gil," Kro snarled at him, not waiting to get in his face this time. "I saw you."
"You're seeing me now, aren't you?" Gil sighed. He really didn't have any fight left in him.
Kro grabbed the front of Gil's shirt, shaking him, "at the market. I know it was you and your little catch, Gil--my catch."
Gil just looked at Kro.
Kro released him, taking up that same, sickening grin that made Gil's skin crawl the last time they had talked. "She is quite a catch, too, isn't she?"
Gil remained silent, watching as Kro walked around the kitchen. Just like before, nothing was out of place; Gil had made sure to put away any extras of anything. There wasn't another plate at the table, there wasn't another mug in the sink. Nothing that would give him the impression that someone else was there.
"Quite a beautiful thing, she is," Kro chuckled to himself. He ran his fingers along the wire looped around into the shape of a noose. "You can see why I'm looking for her, can't you? I don't see why you're fighting so hard when you clearly haven't sold her anywhere, either."
"Sold her?"
"Waiting for the right offer?" Kro postulated, skipping right over the horrific implication he was making. "I thought about calling some aquariums for it, but they would probably just pull the 'animal cruelty' card. But some of those water parks with the whale shows are still up and running. Maybe the big one in Florida would pay the right amount for her."
Gil gripped his fists so tight they ached. "You...were going to sell her?--to an amusement park?"
"Oh, did I hurt your feelings?" Kro laughed in his face. "Come now, Gil--a catch like her could make us billionaires!"
"Us?" Gil raised a brow at him.
"Look," Kro raised his hands to him, although the wire noose stayed around his elbow. "I know you're hiding her. I'm willing to make a deal. You surrender her to me, and I'll split the money for her with you. I'll even give you the five hundred thousand reward; consider it a deposit."
"I don't want your money."
"Everyone says that before they have it," Kro shrugged, still convinced that Gil had a price, all he had to do was find it. "You're telling me you're happy to drag yourself out to sea everyday of your life?"
"What I'm telling you-" Gil moved forward, grasping Kro's shirt this time. "Is that I'm not going to let you hunt down Thena for sport."
"Oh," Kro's eyes sparked in amusement. "You've fallen for the fish?"
"She's not a fish."
"A whale, then?" Kro cackled. "Or is she more like a dolphin?"
"She's a person, Kro," Gil released him, his eyes darting out the window towards his dock. "And she's back from work."
"What?"
Gil walked out of the house, freely ignoring the wall of muscle Kro had brought as backup. He continued his easy pace, even as Kro shot out of the house and ran ahead of him.
Sersi guided Gil's dinghy to the dock at a gentle pace. She secured its knot easily, although she had to grip the sides as Thena shot to her feet and scrambled out of the boat and onto the dock, "careful!"
Kro's jaw dropped as he watched Thena walk over to them, a dress floating around her legs, her feet bare and plain to see. "How-"
"Hey, Sweetheart," Gil smiled, although Kro would never be able to perceive the tentative nature of it. He breathed out a shaky sigh as Thena ran to him, allowing him to fold his arms around her. He buried his nose in her hair, "I missed you."
"This is impossible!" Kro snarled at them. He raised a hand to inspect the mirage before him but Gil pulled her closer to him.
"Hey man, you can't just touch women you don't know," Gil chided as he would if they were in a petty squabble in the pub. He grasped Thena's shoulder.
"Kro," Sersi greeted rather dryly as she also walked up the dock towards them. "I see you've beaten yet another illegal poaching charge."
"What did you do?" Kro turned on her, ready to tower over her as he pleased.
"Hey!" Gil moved to block his sister from the monster of a man, only for Thena to beat him to it.
Sersi smiled as the blonde planted herself next to her. "I see you've met my colleague, Thena. She works at one of the marine wildlife posts in the Bering Sea. It's awfully lonely out there, but her year long outpost is finally over."
"Her what?"
Sersi held Thena's hands in hers. "I was so happy to be able to visit her and Gil here. I even met her friends."
"Friends?"
"Oi!"
Kro leaned over the side of the dock, further aghast at the two people seated in Gil's dinghy. One was a lithe little woman, her legs stretched out at odd angles in soft looking yoga pants, and a menacing grin on her face. The other was a man, with a blanket over his legs but with boots and a heavy jacket on. "Wh-"
Ikaris glared up at him, "you givin' my sister a hard time up 'ere?"
Kro looked from the two in the boat back to Thena, whose legs were also undeniably there and functional. "This is impossible."
"What is?" Thena tilted her head at him (worsening Gil and Sersi's underlying anxiety about the whole thing).
Kro stood, walking back over to them. Gil and Sersi flanked her but Thena held his eyes. "I know it was you. You looked at me just like this when you were in that net."
Gil's fist tightened at Thena's back.
Thena tipped her chin up, though, a far ways away from cowering from him. She withheld herself from hissing at him, though. "Are you in the habit of stringing up human women in nets?"
"That sounds awfully suspicious, Kro," Sersi asserted as firmly as she could. "I would hate to have to tell people that you're an entirely different kind of predator."
"I wouldn't," Gil added.
Kro backed up just a step, but it was a step in the right direction. "I will get you for this. I don't know how you did it, but I will find you again, and you won't get away next time."
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Gil shook his head at him, "don't say stuff like that to people!"
Kro turned, storming back up the hill and towards the far side of the island where he had parked his own motorboat. The wall of muscle followed him, seeing they wouldn't be transporting anything.
Gil and Sersi both let out positively gut-deep sighs of relief. Thena blinked at both of them.
Sersi held onto Thena, her knees wobbling, "that's enough excitement for one lifetime."
"I can't take this," Gil gasped on Thena's other shoulder.
"Is he gone?!"
Thena smiled letting the fretful siblings lean on each other and ride out the adrenaline in their systems. She leaned over to look down at her own fretful sibling. "He's gone."
Ikaris threw himself in the water without a second of hesitation. They never did manage to get pants on him, since his legs were just barely formed enough anyway. He had protested that he wasn't exactly given much time to learn and practice!
Makkari also descended back to the water and let her legs form back into her red scaled tail. She resurfaced, looking around her at the remains of the yoga pants Thena had wrestled onto her. Sorry.
Sersi rejoined Thena, waving, "don't worry, they served their purpose. Thank you for all your help."
Makkari smiled and waved at the rather funny and agreeable human. She had enjoyed the boat ride over chatting with Sersi. She looked at Ikaris, well, Loverboy?
He hissed at her. Thena raised her brows as he looked at Sersi in a peculiar way. "Thank you for helping to protect my sister. I am indebted to you."
Ikaris and Makkari both swam off, not particularly eager to stick around.
Sersi waved until they disappeared from view. She looked at Thena, "he seems rather nice."
Thena gave her a positively baffled look, "Ikaris?"
Gil rolled his eyes behind her, "speaking of rather nice, how is Dane?"
"Oh!" Sersi shot to her feet, dusting off her knees with a sheepish smile, "h-he's good--asked me to say hello."
"Hm," Gil smirked at his flustered sister, although she swatted at him for it. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, forcing her to endure a side hug from him, "thanks for coming, Serse."
Sersi sighed from within the coil of his arm, "of course I would! I can't believe you didn't tell me about this sooner!"
"Thinks he can handle everything by himself."
Sersi grinned at Gil's look of devastation at Thena's jab. She pulled Thena into a hug, "he does, doesn't he?"
"Stick around, join us for dinner," Gil gave his sister's shoulder a little pat. He nodded behind him at the house.
Sersi looked between the two and nodded, heading up to the cabin by herself.
Gil, finally alone with Thena, sighed. He tilted his head, trying to get a look at her, "Angelfish?"
She looked down at her feet, wiggling her toes. "Your plan worked."
"Well," he sighed, daring to stretch out a hand to her. She let him take hers, and immediately she felt some of his muscles loosen. "Bringing Sersi with you was what really made it work."
Thena accepted the truth of it silently, waiting for more.
Gil moved closer, "I'm so sorry, Thena. I should have asked you from the beginning what you wanted to do. Neither of us would have had to go through this."
Thena swayed on the spot. She had been waiting to hear those words, but her chest tightened, like after she would let Ikaris swim into a particularly dangerous set of caves. "I...understand why you did what you did."
Gil pulled her closer by the waist, fully holding her in his arms. She sighed into his chest, having missed the warmth of him, the scent of his shirt, the solidity of his arms around her. "Still, you were right, and I won't forget that."
Thena happily melted into him, having gotten the apology she wanted. "I missed you too."
Gil nuzzled into her, "Angelfish, you have no idea how much I missed you. It's so lonely here; I don't know how I lived out here before you."
Thena soaked up his affectionate words like a happy little seasponge. She purred, "poor, lonely Mister Human."
"I know, I know," he chuckled, not separating from her much to look at her as he spoke. "No more, though. I want you here, with me."
Thena dashed her eyes to the end of the dock coyly, "what if I rather liked being able to swim freely again?"
"Then you can," Gil rushed to promise, burying his face in her neck again. "I'll keep a light at the end of the dock and I'll keep your safe box stocked for you, always. But-"
"Gil," Thena laughed, tipping his head up again. He looked frightened, "I want to be here, too--with you."
He pressed a kiss to her forehead, and she inhaled at the sensation she had been dreaming of feeling for the last few days. She blinked as he moved his lips from her forehead to her cheek. It felt different, but in kind of a nice way.
"Come on," he said gently, holding her hand ever so delicately in his, like when she was first getting used to being on land. "I'm making your favourites, and there are plenty of sardine snacks."
Thena happily joined him in walking up the hill, hand in hand. She caught Sersi's head - clearly watching them from the kitchen window - ducking down to avoid them. She felt her cheeks warm.
"I was going to go get some mangoes," Gil started, and she immediately looked at him with excitement. He offered a sheepish shrug, "but I thought...maybe you could come with me to get them?"
"Go to the market again?" Thena bounced on her toes (she had come a long way in her balance on land).
"Yep," he grinned at her enthusiasm, pulling her hand up to his lips. "We can take our time and enjoy the day in town, I can show you some more of the sights. What do you think?"
Thena leaned up, mimicking what Gil had done previously and touched her lips to his cheek. It turned a charming pink colour; maybe the nerves in the body could tell when lips touched different parts? "It sounds perfect!"
#Thenamesh Mermaid AU#pt 3#the happy resolution!#because we all know I wasn't going to break them up#thank you so much for this amazing set of asks!!!!#but man did writing that part two hurt...#things work out though!!!#as soon as Thena left with Makkari and Ikaris#well immediately she went and curled up and lamented her dumb human boy troubles#then she immediately went out to find Sersi#poor Sersi just trying to have lunch at the aquatic centre where she works#gets scared to death by a familiar head of hair swimming up to the edge of the rockwall#Thena tells her about everything and Sersi is like my brother is dumb#here's what we're going to do#to his credit Gil is blind with worry okay?#anyway Sersi is like can you show Ikaris and Makkari how to make legs?#THena's like they might not be good but we can try#Sersi is the one who brings the clothes from the lost and found for them to wear#she throws a blanket over Ikaris since his legs aren't right and jesus he has to wear something#anyway she gets to visit with her brother and arguably one of her best friends and practically her sister-in-law#he's so happy now that Thena is back#it's a little manic at first but the more he can feel Thena settling back into their shared routine at home the more he relaxes#Sersi and her salad witness the whole thing
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random life photos from the past few months
#context/explanations given here in the tags now since photo captions are no longer a thing#(from top left to right) image 1: was on a very long drive and had to pull over somehwere to use the bathroom and stretch my achy legs and#stuff but the little parking lot had a cool patch of flowers! .. image 2: LORGE potato chip. featruing my beautiful boy borgy.. a potato#himself..#image 3: one of my favorte types of flowers. these little blue/periwinkle colored ones#image 4: costume idea that was kind of okay but ALL of the images turned out absolutely terrible and just did not photograph#well so.. I have like.. ONE image of it that I took on my phone just to document lol#image 5: GIANT FERERRO ROCHER!!! though it's hollow in the middle which is stinky lol.. It's still fun.. love Orbs.. I liked to throw#it in the air and catch it probably more than I liked eating it lol#image 6: a boiled egg with garlic powder and pepper and some bacon and green onions. nice little snack#image 7: one of the many 6 leaf clovers I found so far this year? I found a lot over the course of a month andnow I'm back to not finding a#any. I wonder if something about it is seasonal? Like clovers are most in the growth spurt phase (with some mutuations popping up in the gr#up as it rapidly blooms or something) during a certain month and then after that they kind of die down for the season. Like I wonder if#there's a prime timing to look for mutated clovers? I can still find the 4 leafs now but for a while there I was just finding 5-6 leaf and#even a 7 leaf all over the place. Now it seems muc hmore rare again.#image 8: a little spot of rainbow on the planks outside#image 9: gjhghj I can't grill in my apartment because the fire alarm is too sensitive so sometimes I move#to a patio space outside and set up my goofy little griddle to make asparagus in a tiny cramped outdoor space hhjk#image 10: GOOSE!! spotted whilst on a walk. I rarely see them out in the wild so I wonder where they came from?#photo diary
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Maybe you could do audiobooks while you paint, I know I love listening to podcasts when I’m doing things like that.
OoOOoO that’s a good idea!!!
#I usually throw on a movie or show that I’ve seen a billion times#but I feel like I’ve been replaying the same movies over and over again#I love them with all my heart#but I need something different#so maybe I’ll try that tomorrow!!#I would tonight#but I just took a shower and fuck that took all my energy#I’m surprised I had enough energy to lotion and change and everything#and of course after I was done I went in the living room and saw a daddy long leg chilling#tried to get it but idk if I did#and now I feel all creepy crawly#anyone else feel like spiders plot their revenge#like if you try to kill them and you don’t they just watch and plan their revenge#get an army of spiders together to attack me in my sleep#ok gonna stop thinking about that cause I’m genuinely getting freaked outtttt#anywayyyyy#thank you for the idea!!!#im gonna try that tomorrow#any good podcasts you want to recommend??? ☺️#ask#anon
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the more i think about kris the more my insanity increases tbh there's just so much nuance with not only them but also the player and their relationship and it's layes upon layers of them and i keep tryin to peel them off inside my brain and its going to turn me into a dc villain or something
#luly talks#like the common idea is kris doesn't like the player. that's what we all seem to believe. but the more i think of it the least true it feel#sure they arent jumping in joy over the idea of having us with them but they also constantly keep us with them#even when you look at things abouhnhjnn oh good lord#im gonna throw up hang on fuck man. i mean isnt it FUCKING HILARIOUS 🤡 how being a puppet is almost a two way thing?#perhaps not a puppet per say but. we as the player arent really free either#not at fucking all. our choices matter as little as kris#wouldnt WE want too to be free?#we literally need kris to exist. we are tied to kris like kris is tied to us. we too are a being in this world that is trapped and limited#our vessel WAS literally destroyed after all. neither kris' or OUR choices matter#now lets think for a second about the babygirl our favorite rated salesman. okay? we usually understand he's projecting he wants freedom#and we assume kris wants freedom too i mean it would make a lot of sense#but. kris is moving their blue ass down to the basement for that. we are.#of COURSE spamton says Hyperlink Blocked which is commonly believed to be LOVE as in LV which like.#WHICH LIKE IS ACTUALLY MORE TIED TO THE FUCKING PLAYER THAN KRIS IM GONNA RIP MY LEG OFF#ITS TRUE SO TRUE BESTIE DONT WE? DONT WE WANT MORE LEVEL MORE POWER?#TOBY LOVES TO BARK BACK AT HIS FANS WHEN THE FANS GET A LITTLE ANNOYING EVERYONE WAS UPSET ABOUT THE LACK OF KILLIN IN CH1#WE LITERALLY WANTED THAT SHIT TOO#your honor i am going insane if the jury thinks this is too far im pleading insanity but listen to me#it's there. we are a character in this world as much as anyone else is.#anyway that rant about spamton and the connections with US as the player aside i wanted to talk about kris so moving on#i think that's the best thing i've said since i got into deltarune i might try put it in a decently written post if i can work out the insa#ity also if my mutuals see if and are like yeah that's good make a coherent post about it boy in which case ill say on it boss and wag my t#il and run to do it anyway KRIS.#its just interesting. i think its a bit gratuitous to assume they HATE us. do they like all we do? DEF NOT LMAO. but there's more to this#kris knows more than we fucking do and that's just a fact#they might even know more about us than we know about ourselves after all the soul has been there since before we were playing#which i dont want to ask what implies its a bit nasty to think about#nasty as in confusing btw KJFNGBJGHB#there's just a lot going on with kris and stuff like the bunker and the piano
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god fucking damn my life, bro. I find a couple of ants in my room and immediately freak out. I start feeling shit crawling on me and turn on a flashlight to go look for some hidden source, already hyperventilating. And then I remember I woke up late and didn't take my morning meds. Girl, we have a balcony and my mom keeps plants there. Calm the fuck down. You like having the window open. It's FINE. It's just ants.
Last weekend I skipped my morning meds two days in a row cuz I woke up late and I feared sertraline insomnia - which, yes, in hindsight was a bad idea - and on Sunday I had a full meltdown. Granted, also period-related, but god fucking damn it. I tore my whole room apart. I couldn't vacuum under my bed easily because of my desk's placement so I decided I was going to move furniture around and reorganize my room. On a Sunday afternoon, in the summer and with tendonitis. All cuz I saw some ants and couldn't verify with my own two eyes every corner of the room. And because I couldn't physically move the wardrobe and bookcase, I guess I took out my anxiety with the remaining furniture. And god fucking damn it, here I am again a week later.
I keep finding ants (3) running on my desk all of a sudden while I'm SITTING THERE and have no idea ("no idea") where they're coming from (engage the phone flashlight routine). I moved this bitch AWAY from the window and they're fucking HUNTING me or smth (it's 35ºC out, girl). I hate my life. And I hate that any suggestion of bugs makes me start feeling shit on my skin that isn't there. Dumb fucking brain. Anyway I need sleep and to take my sertraline asap or else.
#i can't express to you how badly I was doing last week#my mom wasn't home when I was remodeling but I was fantasizing about screaming:#''take those plants out of my side of the veranda or i'll throw them OR myself off the balcony''#i'm not suicidal don't worry it would be for the drama of the ultimatum#and then I took my meds the next day and I was calmer lol#but this has happened before. i believe this entire formication / almost delusional parasitosis started cuz i'm allergic to mosquitoes#and as a kid who lived with 3 grown people and had no power over them to close their damn windows - I attracted all the bugs#and I couldn't sleep and I heard and felt them near me and it was a horrible time#still at 23 i can only either pass out from exhaustion or more often find and kill them before I can sleep#when I was 14 or smth our cat also got fleas and I spent the most paranoids nights of my life suffering cuz they got into my bed#last year I slept over at a friend's house for a night and brought back what must've been a SINGLE flea#I'm not kidding you when I say I quarantined my room and slept in the living room for over a month. i was panicking#(i've since started anxiety meds)#I legit feared we had bedbugs and was looking at every single outlet and corner of my bed#our cat recently caught fleas and I combed through him to pick them out every day. that experience actually calmed me down about them#but it's when you can't see them / where they're hiding that's the problem#(it also taught me to let my cat in my room and then fleas become his problem LMAO)#(cuz his long fur 24/7 is way better than my legs for 8h I've been told lol)#anyway point is I get freaky when I suspect bugs are hiding somewhere#and that they're gonna bite me and I'm going to get super itchy and not be able to sleep#i start feeling shit on my skin and yes i know that's not normal. and I have to look at it to convince my brain to ignore it#i get jumpscared by my HAIR falling on my arms girl. that's embarrassing#what i'm ANGRY about is that this is about ANTS. who want NOTHING to do with me and every to do with idk leaves and crumbs#and I KNOW they're from the veranda. but nooooo someone is dumb and skipped her meds and now she's withdrawing and freaking out. about ANTS#EMBARRASSING.#as i'm typing this i'm scratching at myself for what is most likely 1) nothing 2) my hair or 3) cat fur#i'd bring this up to my therapist but he abandoned me </3 like they all do </3 i'm gonna develop abandonment issues at this rate LMAO#so uh anyway imma finish what I was doing (lie) and go to sleep (eventually) and take my meds#and hopefully remember to mention the formication to a health professional at some point lol#i just needed to write this down as evidence of how i'm feeling rn so tomorrow I can read this and say ''wow that was silly'' mkay? kay
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tbh i feel like we're all maybe forgetting that 6A was kind of destined to be a little bit boring or slow-paced from the get-go because of how 5B ended so *perfectly* with everything tied up in a neat little bow. i mean 5x18 was literally called "starting over," and this is a show that (for better or for worse, this specific post is not pro-911s-pacing or anti-911s-pacing but a secret third thing, confused-and-trying-to-make-sense-of 911s-pacing) routinely and consistently takes right around ~10 episodes to cash in on big narrative plot points. not situational or episode specific or more technical plot points, like madney going from unsuccessful house hunting to finding a place within 2 episodes, or buck agreeing to be a sperm donor inside of 1 episode- those are typically resolved pretty quickly, within an episode or two. the show scaffolds these more-quickly-resolved plot points together into larger, more character driven arcs that typically always take around ten episodes for the full emotional fallout and significance to play out. 911 has always been a show where what happens matters a hell of a lot less to the story than how the characters feel about what happens, so because this is such a character driven show, inside of those ten set-up, pawns-on-the-chessboard episodes, it can be pretty difficult at times to figure out what they're angling at, or where they're planning on going (buck! where the hell are you going!), or how any of the plots are going to coalesce into something useful, profound, and cohesive. typically, the B season ends with at least a *couple* of loose threads that carry over into the arc-resolution-conclusion phase in the following A season, giving us an A season that's like 70% setup for new arcs and 30% wrapup of old arcs- but 5B ended on a true blank slate, so almost *everything* in 6A (with the exception of the conclusion to hen's super-drawn-out-but-very-realistically-paced med school arc) has been... scaffolding from the ground up.
and scaffolding looks pretty unimpressive and odd and boring on its own, like a big pile of ugly junk getting in the way of everything, but put it alongside the Sistine chapel ceiling it was built to accomplish, and suddenly it seems a little more worthwhile.
#this is just some food for thought! I've felt that 6a was good but kinda boring at times#thinking about how much of a blank slate starting over gave us was rather illuminating#911#911 meta#again! this is just me making sense of things it's not me trying to throw stones in any particular direction or make any kind of assertion#this is just my hunch#here's hoping 6B delivers and i have a feeling it will!!!#6A being 9 episodes really just feels like edging lmfao nyfxtnrnsbtd like cutting us off right when things are about to get crazy#which makes me think 6x10 is like. A Big Pivot Episode that couldn't hang on its own for 4 months with no followup#bucks leg injury -> tsunami -> lawsuit -> rejoining the 118 was like 7 or 8 episodes#eddies panic attacks -> ana breakup -> quitting the 118 -> therapy -> breakdown arc was like 11 or 12 eps#(also can we talk about how that arc started with him lying to buck about his mental health and ended with buck helping him with it)#there's more examples but im tired and need to go make dinner so. anyway#a 9 episode A-half coming on the heels of a wrapping-everything-up B finale#just kind of left them with. very minimal runway in which they could pull off any real satisfying conclusions to narrative arcs#while staying true to this 10-episode rhythm they seem to have settled on!#again: for better or for worse! like it or not this show is consistent in *how* it is written. when it comes to like. methodology
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Just remembered I still need to cancel that job interview I got signed up for against my will
#i just sent the email cancelling it but god.#the way that temping agency sat on my info for well over a month and then finally scheduled something the same week i got a job offer#like where were you people when i was sitting here unemployed and going insane#i’d better not get some ‘this is such short notice :(‘ girl i sent it sunday evening. the interview isn’t until wednesday afternoon#you can see it first thing monday morning and adjust your week accordingly#i bet they’re going to get back to me saying something like ‘you need to remove your info from the temping agency then’ but the thing is#i can’t fucking log in. they’re saying my saved password is incorrect when like.. how can it be. it’s saved. it must have worked before#and when i tried to reset my password i just didn’t get the email. functional website!!!!#it gets worse: my email just bounced back saying it couldn’t be delivered. i think the email address they gave me for this person#was misspelled (there was an s at the end of her surname when i don’t think there should’ve been) so i’ve tried again#if this doesn’t go through i’m going to have to CALL them. crying and screaming and throwing up#okay i think this one went through. it hasn’t bounced back anyway.#i just hope to fucking god that my job doesn’t fall through at the last fucking second because this is the SECOND interview i have cancelled#like i didn’t want to go to either of them anyway because i didn’t want either of those jobs but they Were jobs#i think i declined both politely enough that i shouldn’t have burned the bridge permanently. that was my intention at least#like i’m always slightly tempted to ghost recruiters because 1) they’re constantly ghosting me and 2) fuck ‘em#but you never know when you’re going to have to run to someone with your tail between your legs and be like ‘actually yeah can i be a summer#school teacher for minimum wage? 🥺’#i haaaate job hunting. as far as i’m concerned the biggest perk of this job is that i won’t have to job hunt for 6 months#personal
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While touring on the San Diego duck vehicles, we actually caught a glimpse of the navy training dolphins and sea lions. According to the guide, the sea lions were much better at being food motivated and trustworthy, but the dolphins were a bit more agile and quick, so that’s why they use both. They find and ‘tell’ the military where underwater mines are and such
I’m generally against the military, and I’m kind of against using animals in such dangerous jobs. But regardless of my feelings, it’s happening. And I’ve been wondering for a while how ethically involved are these animals. Like, are they domesticated? Are dolphins really that smart, enough that they can consent to this sort of thing? I know they need lots of mental stimulation, like border collies but even more. And I figure this is the right post to ask.
(Also for the record I am 99% sure the duck vehicle company respected the animals well, and asked us not to feed them at all. It’s been about 2 years since I went so I may not remember everything but they seemed good to me)
I think it's a common misconception that domesticating animals is somewhat like enslaving them. It really is more of a symbiotic relationship. No wild animal would have willingly put up with early humans if they didn't get something out of it. Wolves wouldn't have stayed with us and become dogs if they weren't getting food and safety out of it. Many large herbivores that are now domesticated could and would have easily trampled their early human captors or broken their enclosures open if they didn't have a reason to stay. Sometimes individual animals still do if we don't give them what they need.
The animals that have stayed with us for thousands of years have evolved to cooperate with us better. Dogs have additional facial muscles around their eyes that wolves lack in order to mimic human facial expressions. Sheep grow their wool perpetually while their wild counterparts don't because a bigger fleece means they're more likely to be allowed to breed and be kept around. Domestic dairy cows produce much more milk than wild bovine species and domestic hens lay more eggs. Do you know how energy costly producing eggs or milk is for an animal? It's pretty intense! They wouldn't be able to do that if we hadn't given them the food and safety from predators and the elements to.
And we really need to show these animals respect and gratitude for what they give us by taking excellent care of them. They gave up a lot to be with us, often including the means to take care of themselves in the wild. That's a huge reason why I'm not against using animal products, but I hate factory farming. They are still living, breathing creatures with needs and feelings. They deserve a comfortable life and, when the time comes, a humane death.
#also for the record cows are actually very smart and have senses of humor similar but not the same as goats#I have yet to detect personality from a sheep#I’m a farm worker during college breaks so I come from that perspective#bomb sniffing rats are another one I’m curious about#like it’s great that they’re light enough that they don’t set off mines or can go visiting in building collapses and such#but idk like is the risk an acceptable risk?#I guess it comes back to the partnership and safety of the animal and the human#like the farm’s eldest pet steer (he’s 7!) was a difficult birth due to his large size and he had to be pulled out#and his mother was AI impregnated so there was a snowball’s chance in hell she would have ever#met the bull big enough to father such a bull calf#so arguably that was a risk her (previous we bought her pregnant) owners exposed her to#but frankly wild bovines can also have difficult births and while bovines are NOT gifted pumpkins with people to pre-crack them for her#so I think she thought it was a win-win (she adored her baby) and enjoyed her last few years before her old age made further treatment cruel#and we made sure it was quick & easy you know?#anyways further cow notes: big animals like cows and horses are careful not to step on unsteady surfaces#because if they injure a foot or leg then that’s usually a death sentence#and despite the steers’ adoration for roughing things up with their horns and tussling with wheelbarrows#I’ve never seen one pick up his pumpkin with his horns and fling it?#so when we give the cows pumpkins they’ll never step on it and break it#if they know what it is (babies never know) then they will spend hours rolling it around hopefully with their noses or occasionally their#horns just hoping it spontaneously breaks#so we always have to break it for them <3#the cows would eat the entire thing ofc but the goats usually sneak in and eat the guts and seeds that are attached to the guts#so the cows usually eat the shell. in any case our manure pile usually has a few pumpkins every summer it’s pretty great#usually I pick it up over my head and throw it to the ground to break it#even the small pumpkins (besides the tiny table top fuckers) will break by the third throw#but one year a local produce farm donated such a huge pumpkin#that if I had sliced off the top and cleaned it out#my two Nigerian dwarves who love to sleep cuddled in empty water tubs would have totally climbed into and been snug#it was super heavy so I couldn’t lift it over my head. so I cleaned my boot and stamped a hole in it
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