#(also can we talk about how that arc started with him lying to buck about his mental health and ended with buck helping him with it)

[harrowharkwife]

tbh i feel like we're all maybe forgetting that 6A was kind of destined to be a little bit boring or slow-paced from the get-go because of how 5B ended so *perfectly* with everything tied up in a neat little bow. i mean 5x18 was literally called "starting over," and this is a show that (for better or for worse, this specific post is not pro-911s-pacing or anti-911s-pacing but a secret third thing, confused-and-trying-to-make-sense-of 911s-pacing) routinely and consistently takes right around ~10 episodes to cash in on big narrative plot points. not situational or episode specific or more technical plot points, like madney going from unsuccessful house hunting to finding a place within 2 episodes, or buck agreeing to be a sperm donor inside of 1 episode- those are typically resolved pretty quickly, within an episode or two. the show scaffolds these more-quickly-resolved plot points together into larger, more character driven arcs that typically always take around ten episodes for the full emotional fallout and significance to play out. 911 has always been a show where what happens matters a hell of a lot less to the story than how the characters feel about what happens, so because this is such a character driven show, inside of those ten set-up, pawns-on-the-chessboard episodes, it can be pretty difficult at times to figure out what they're angling at, or where they're planning on going (buck! where the hell are you going!), or how any of the plots are going to coalesce into something useful, profound, and cohesive. typically, the B season ends with at least a *couple* of loose threads that carry over into the arc-resolution-conclusion phase in the following A season, giving us an A season that's like 70% setup for new arcs and 30% wrapup of old arcs- but 5B ended on a true blank slate, so almost *everything* in 6A (with the exception of the conclusion to hen's super-drawn-out-but-very-realistically-paced med school arc) has been... scaffolding from the ground up.

and scaffolding looks pretty unimpressive and odd and boring on its own, like a big pile of ugly junk getting in the way of everything, but put it alongside the Sistine chapel ceiling it was built to accomplish, and suddenly it seems a little more worthwhile.

[allgoldenelite]

idk if this makes any sense, but.

so recently, i've seen the following interpretation floating around: whenever kenny talks about don being family in his promo and stuff, and whenever he makes it clear that BCC crossed a line now because they hurt somebody who can never reasonably consent to what the elite is used to, he is in reality not talking about don at all, or at least, the work is commenting on kenny lying or using don as a sort of mental scapegoat for the people he actually cares about [insert names here, in this case from most people i have seen it being hangman], because this is juxtaposed with kenny accepting the screwdriver from matt (who says "for hangman?").

and it made me think.

because a) there's precedent for this: especially as a heel (right now i'd say the elite are in the process of being faces again), kenny has a tendency to avoid (especially the names of) people close to him, or transpose the pain or caring he associates with those people onto something else (championships, matches, other responsibilities). everyone remembers "AJ styles, prince devitt, and who?" but there are a couple of other examples. notably, as the collector, he put so much emphasis on him and don; it was always "me and don, we are family", "don this, don that", instead of mentioning or talking what was really going on (his tensions with the bucks). later this would even spill onto other characters (saying that him and the good brothers make a really good trio/team, which is just explicit enough to pass as commentary on kenny's avoidance of the bucks at that point).

and b) i feel almost like if this were another medium, like a theater play or a book, there could very reasonably be a twist that don isn't real. that his existence is a product of kenny's psyche as he tries to avoid confronting reality (sort of like some apparitions in silent hill). that by focusing so much on don, it's easier for kenny to blend out the things that would cause him to otherwise shatter into a million pieces. he always styled himself as an "unstoppable android", and a machine needs a version of reality parsed through its OS that allows it to march on in spite of how frightening the actual happenings behind the veneer of said OS are. in a way, it could be said that don is kenny's OS rn. don is still his own person who does things kenny wouldn't do or doesn't do things he would do, but it would imo fit with kenny's arcs that often thematically feature isolation and self-hatred, to "invent" a companion who has totally always been your bestest buddy since you were 6 years old and played the invisible strings to help you be where you are now.

don entered the stage as a true character in the elite's story around the jericho feud back in new japan, but it wasn't until the collector that he was heavily cemented by kenny as an important existence, someone whom he had secretly plotted with "for years" in order to orchestrate his belt-hunting run (among other things), and by then he began interacting with other characters in way that deviated from our then current understanding of kenny's morals and ideas, despite how close the two claimed to be. i've written before about how to me, the collector is a paradoxical being and the final manifestation of all the ugly and dark parts inside kenny that he couldn't exorcise, "much, much worse" than the cleaner could ever be. think if the cleaner is a juvenile street thug, the collector is the boss in his penthouse making a fortune off of people's suffering.

but, it's important to remember that kenny isn't fundamentally evil. he has gone on record in character to state that it was his own fear of confronting his darker feelings about ibushi that pushed him towards joining bullet club and turning into the "pitch-black devil" he became. heartbreak makes a villain, etc. it's not that boilerplate simple, humans are complicated beings even (especially) in wrestling, and that is also true for kenny's story in AEW, which started to take a turn for the worse as soon as he started tagging with hangman. the collector is paradoxical because he both wants to and doesn't want to exist, because he thinks the things he's doing are necessary and cruel at the same time, because he desires what he fears and fears what he desires (finding true fulfillment in tagging, hangman becoming champion, corrupting the bucks, the list goes on). it would make sense to me if such a being required a mental shield to focus on and withstand the pressure of the two sides of the paradox constantly pulling at your psyche, threatening to destroy it. as it fits within his own machinations, don is the perfect candidate for that.

now, this isn't to say i think kenny is going to turn heel again because there is an increased emphasis on him and don "being family" again. it's just a piece of the text that i find interesting to analyze. even if kenny doesn't turn, in order to inflict upon BCC the brutality that they inflict on people you care about, you have to go to some pretty dark places. and every time kenny does go to such places, the past has shown that he pushes others away so that his true feelings—kindness, compassion, an arrogance that's more a beautiful sibling of pride than an ugly child of hurt—do not get in the way. it just depends on how he emerges on the other side once said brutality is inflicted.

either way, i have to imagine that under normal circumstances, when/if (?) the thing happens that finally tips the bucket over and causes kenny to shake off all that hair dye from 6 years ago and see don for the fucked up manipulator of himself and his friends that he is, it's going to deal a pretty heavy blow to him. it's not too dissimilar to an abusive relationship: from the outside it's so easy to see and go "oh this guy is a grade a asshole, they need to dump him already", but when you're in it, it's everything but easy.

i say normal circumstances because i have a feeling that the way this is actually going to be resolved in the work is going to involve some kind of hook that if not fully, at least partially avoids such shattering of the mind. that could be a number of things: the "betrayal" (really that's been going on for years, but see above) being so brutal and surprising that kenny's mind snaps right from heartbroken into justified, or the situation involving a bright light that makes it much easier to bear. i'll leave it up to you to decide who or what that's gonna be.

thanks for coming to my ted talk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[balillee]

tommy's character gets far too much shit.

hi tumblr. i'm gonna need a few bitches to spread this post everywhere, essentially because i want someone, or just tommy really, to see it. so if you really want, you can screenshot it and post it on twitter, reddit, link it everywhere - go absolutely buck wild. i know he reads the VODS comments a lot, but they're chock full of people just insulting him, his character, his writing and everything about his story in the dream smp simply because they don't understand it and because they refuse to acknowledge his character's perspective (mainly because they only care about the pig). reading that many critical comments on something you've created can only make you feel worse about it eventually, and in light of all the awful techno apologist takes on his character, i wanted to basically just word vomit about how wonderfully crafted c!tommy is, as well as compile some other tumblr posts about his character.

there is a massive fuckin community of people who enjoy the character of tommy, because the character is incredible. i myself have made post after post after post commenting on and analysing tommy's character because i find that there's so much to pick apart. but that enthusiasm for his character only seems to be found on tumblr. reddit and twitter seem to hate his character, the VODS seem to be filled with comments from people who only care about techno's perspective (and treat techno as a reliable narrator, which, is the furthest thing from the truth - that guy lies through his teeth all the time), and the smp wiki is a hellscape of godawful takes and mistruths, not even on just tommy's character.

c!tommy is brilliantly acted and brilliantly written, and almost everything he does is either justifiable or has been rectified or admitted as a mistake. you can clearly make connections as to where he got his conclusions from. you feel what his character experiences, as a member of the audience, vividly.

if you look in the more objective sense, c!tommy, and this is especially in the context of him being the youngest character, is a scapegoat. people claim he's awful and destructive when in reality he's a lot less destructive than most characters on the server. a moment that comes to mind is where he diverts schlatt and quackity's attention from pogtopia by breaking part of the flag in manberg, and then replacing it so as to buy tubbo some time - he literally monologues after it about how he doesn't want to destroy but instead rebuild, and how he feels as if nobody else seems to understand that.

his arc in season two was incredible. it was very character driven, and it gave a spotlight to his motivations. at the start we see him in new l'manberg, and he's enjoying his time there, he's skeptical of his friend's presidency, but his main goal is to get back the discs so that he can stop dream and eliminate that threat. he made one screw up that didn't even matter to george, and he paid for it tenfold, even after dream had spent a while with puffy griefing the server and framing it on tommy - what tommy and ranboo did was convinient. then, in exile, we see c!tommy straight up get abused. he's gaslit and conditioned into being c!dream's friend, and in his brain he teaches himself that those acts of abuse are moments of bonding, and it eventually brings him to the point of wanting to end his own life - he's been torn away from his friends and his support system, and nobody will visit him consistently anymore because they only showed him pity, and all he had left was dream, who had hurt him.

but he doesn't die there, because while he didn't understand the full gravity of it back then like he does now, he recognises that dying isn't an escape, and he can beat dream, even if he doesn't know how. so this is where he goes to techno's place, and here's where the fandom starts to misinterpret the situation wildly.

it's the problem similar to when your parents tell you that they're owed something back because you put a roof over their head, despite that being Not How It Works. techno took tommy in and severely mistreated him emotionally. sure, and i understand this, c!techno is a bad communicator who isn't really that empathetic to anyone who isn't phil or wilbur, but that doesn't excuse the blatant lying to c!tommy's face, the guilt tripping, the friendship buying and the degrading. the day before the festival, tommy finally does something violent in his interrogation of fundy, and only then does techno tell him,,,,

that tommy's not equal to him, that techno doesn't respect him all that much, and that they're not friends.

from techno's perspective, and at the time, this was viewed as a positive development in their relationship. oh, he's starting to warm up to tommy! this friendship could really blossom!

no. from a more objective standpoint, what techno has just said to tommy is : 'i respect you only a little bit more now, because while you're starting to act more like me, you're still annoying and a burden.'

and i haven't even touched on the whole 'erasing the words 'Destroy L'manberg' from techno's to-do list' thing, because that instantly refutes the point of 'techno was upfront with his intentions the whole time' - because he wasn't! he may have said it the first time, but you also know what else he did? he repeatedly told tommy that they'd 'air the details out later' whenever the discs were brought up, and from a tommy viewer's perspective at the time, it was framed as if techno was no longer going to do that.

and i also haven't dared touch the 'i would have fought them all for you', because that's major guilt tripping if ever i've seen it.

so, the day of the festival comes, and here's where c!techno and his apologists completely misread c!tommy's thought process, and why he makes the decision he does.

tommy instantly regrets valuing the discs over tubbo, and it's framed as the culmination of tommy having become all the people he said he would never want to be like. and what does he immediately do? he tells tubbo to give up the disc, and he sides with tubbo. he puts his value in his friends, and, by proxy, l'manberg. and when he betrays techno, he tells him 'i'm sorry'.

from a more objective standpoint, tommy's time with techno is him valuing the discs over almost anything else. so, in leaving techno to be with tubbo again, he is valuing people above the discs. so when, on doomsday, techno says his 'discs aren't people' line, what he doesn't realise is that he himself fueled tommy's valuing of discs above people when attempting to fuel tommy's vengeance against tubbo and l'manberg. techno doesn't realise that he was an unhealthy presence for tommy, and an even worse influence.

what techno also doesn't seem to understand is that tommy never hated tubbo or l'manberg - tommy recognises, now at least, that his exile wasn't a product of tubbo, but a product of dream's manipulation, likely in part because at the time, especially with dream lying about tommy blowing up the community house, tommy was the only one who could see it because he had experienced it firsthand. so when techno sides with dream, it's like kicking tommy in the teeth.

and i want to mention that betraying someone doesn't necessarily make the person who was betrayed good, or in the right, or even justified, because tommy was entirely justified to leave techno. you know who else was betrayed? schlatt. but i don't see many schlatt apologists around angry at quackity for joining the rebellion.

tommy stole the axe of peace? good. it was a moment of tommy defining his self-worth, instead of having it defined by others. gone is the age of c!techno belittling him and deciding how much c!tommy should be respected. NEXT!

here's a moment i wanted to talk about that will forever be funny to me.

'i am a person.'

techno's very famous line from doomsday. techno says to tommy that discs aren't people, and that tommy should value people, despite not understanding that by leaving techno, he did just that. and what does tommy say in return, which has been omitted from every c!tommy-critical analysis, and every animatic?

'yes you are, but so are we.'

an acknowledgement of techno's hurt, to which tommy has already apologised for. a statement that says 'your hurt does not excuse, nor justify, the hurt you have inflicted onto us.' an acknowledgement that tommy has already learnt the lesson techno seems to be trying to 'teach' him. but you can't teach him anything by destroying.

c!tommy has had almost everything he has ever owned or built either taken from him or destroyed. ranboo even points out that the only two things of tommy's left standing are his house and his hotel, and if i'm honest, his house is dissheveled. it's a labyrinth of terror due only to how many times it's been torn apart. l'manberg being blown up didn't teach anyone anything about anarchy, or about valuing people over possessions. logstedshire being blown up didn't teach tommy to be obedient.

i could honestly ramble for ages about how nuanced tommy's character is and how much depth and complexity there is to his character's process and his relationship with others, but more than that, c!tommy is forgiving. he invites almost everyone who hates him to the grand opening of his hotel - if that isn't an indicator that he just wants friends, and not to be treated like the embodiment of evil, then i don't know what is. he holds grudges, but he doesn't really actively hate anyone, other than c!dream. but, we'll let him. c!dream deserves nothing but to be pummeled into the floor.

tommy doesn't spoonfeed his character nuance, and he doesn't really spell it out for his audience. he'll mention things like trauma and triggers in passing, but a lot of analysis on his motivations has to be picked up from what is said in passing or from what can be seen in between the lines.

i'd be here for hours if i were to talk about everything i love about c!tommy, because honestly he's one of my favourite characters, and there are so many angles you can look at his character from in terms of his age, his relationships with others, his motivations, his personality, his character arcs etc etc. so instead of doing that, i'm going to compile some much more specific analysis posts below to skim through because they highlight so many good aspects of his character.

^^ A thread about the 'yes you are, but so are we' line.

^^ About how shit the VODS comments are.

^^ A comment on how c!Tommy is actually pretty peaceful, and is actually less destructive than most characters on the server.

^^ Possibly the best c!Tommy analysis thread I've ever seen in relation to his trauma, which gives multiple perspectives.

^^ About how c!Tommy is treated as a scapegoat, and how, from an objective standpoint, he is no more violent than any other character, it's just that the little violence that is committed is blown far out of proportion.

^^ Tumblr user flypaw being a bad bitch, as per usual.

^^ c!Tommy being incredibly intelligent, and talking about wanting to rebuild and not destroy. A very underrated monologue of his.

^^ Something short about c!Tommy and c!Wilbur's relationship in Pogtopia.

^^ Less about c!Tommy, more a meta on L'Manberg. Really interesting to think about.

^^ A take on Doomsday.

I'll add some more posts in a reblog in the notes, but if anyone's post(s) is on this and they want me to take it off, let me know and I'll do that for you! Feel free to add your own banger c!Tommy takes or ones that you've found.

[gwendolynnderolo]

my thoughts on the lawsuit arc: my 911 hot take of the day

i know the lawsuit arc is one of the most controversial storylines in all of 911 and everyone has wildly different opinions on it so i’m here to offer my take on it. this is just my opinion and how i view the characters so enjoy!

first of all, i feel like a lot of times if people love a character they get mad when the character does something they don’t agree with or that they think is wrong or selfish or harmful. and while it can be very hard to see a character that you love do things that aren’t good, that’s what makes a character interesting. if a character was perfect and never did anything wrong, they would be incredibly boring and one-dimensional. but instead of looking critically at character choices and analyzing their motivations and accepting that they’re a flawed character with complex emotions they often just get angry and say that a storyline was dumb or didn’t make sense because it didn’t fit with their view of the character.

this is what i’ve seen a lot of people do with buck, bobby, and the lawsuit arc. they say that both of them acted recklessly and impulsively and handled the situation terribly, and i’m here to say: yes, they did, and that’s the entire point.

the entire lawsuit arc revolves around all of these characters making all the wrong decisions, but with very valid and understandable motivations behind those decisions. neither of them acted like their best selves because they weren’t being their best selves. they weren’t acting out of logic, they were acting out of raw emotion and that led them to make stupid decisions that caused a lot of pain. and that’s a good thing. (for the story, not for the characters obviously)

let’s first look at bobby, who arguably was the catalyst for this whole situation (technically it was the truck bombing, but i’m talking season 3). the end of season 2 sees bobby being forced to deal with his traumatic past and relive the deaths of his wife and children and all of the people in that apartment building that he felt responsible for. he has his title and job stripped away, he’s taken away from the thing that provides him with healthy coping mechanisms, and then he’s forced to watch from the sidelines while the man he thinks of as a son is trapped under a ladder truck that was intended to kill bobby.

obviously bobby gets his job back, buck survives, and everything’s relatively okay at the end of season 2, but bobby still has that guilt on top of the guilt he’s been dealing with for years over his wife and kids. beginning of season 3, bobby is tentatively ready to welcome buck back, and then he watches buck almost die in front of him (again) and, understandably, panics. he tells buck he’s not ready to come back and buck lashes out and quits.

bobby watches buck almost die yet again during the tsunami, which he almost certainly blamed himself for, feeling that if he had let buck come back to work, buck wouldn’t have gotten caught in the tsunami.

buck obviously comes around and takes the fire marshal job, which bobby viewed as a way to let buck do what he wants while still protecting him. bobby blames himself for everything that’s happened to buck in the past six months, so of course he’s going to do everything he can to keep buck safe.

so, bobby lied to him and kept him from doing what he loved, because he didn’t know another way to keep buck safe. the concerns bobby raises even outside of his personal investment are very valid: buck is on blood thinners, which would make it significantly more dangerous for buck to be on a call. bobby already worries about buck constantly and this would only add another level to that, and he has an entire team to look out for.

and the most important thing: bobby blames himself for everything that’s happened to buck. if he allowed buck to come back and buck got hurt, bobby would blame himself. bobby has already lost so much and still blames himself, and he doesn’t think he can handle another loss like the one he’s already suffered. his actions come from a place of love and concern for buck and his safety.

and now for buck. i relate a lot to buck so there might be a bit of projecting in here but i’ll do my best to keep it impartial. to start off: what buck did was stupid, impulsive, selfish, and ended up hurting everyone he cared about. but it also makes complete sense when you look at it from his point of view.

as viewers of the show, we see the complete picture. we see every point of view, all of the thought processes behind character decisions, so it’s much easier for us to judge characters for their decisions. but we have to remember: buck did not have the full story. buck couldn’t see into bobby’s head and understand that this was coming from a place of love and a desire to protect.

all buck saw was the people he cared about abandoning him and thinking he wasn’t capable enough to do his job. this wasn’t at all what happened, but from his point of view that’s what it seemed like. and when you look at the situation from buck’s point of view, this starts to make a lot of sense.

end of season 2, buck gets crushed by a ladder truck and nearly dies. in an instant, his job, his normal life, and everything he cares about is ripped away from him. his girlfriend breaks up with him (not blaming ali, she had her reasons) which was just another person that left him, so he feels completely and utterly alone.

in the 5 months between season 2 and season 3, buck worked tirelessly to get better and get to the point where he could get back to being a firefighter, which he views as his entire life and the only thing that gives him purpose. he finally gets to where he can come back, and it’s all ripped away from him again when he nearly dies (again). after the blood clot, bobby tells him that the higher ups don’t think he should come back yet because of the blood thinners. buck is still in a very emotionally raw state, so he quits.

buck is understandably miserable after this, he feels like his life has no purpose and he’s unable to do what he loves. and then: the tsunami. buck nearly dies (AGAIN) and also almost loses christopher, who he basically views as a son. buck feels like he’s failed eddie but eddie reassures him that he trusts him completely.

and now we get to the primary conflict between bobby and buck’s respective motivations. bobby’s decisions, at their core, were out of guilt. he felt responsible for buck being injured, so he did everything he could to try to make up for that and keep buck from being injured.

buck’s motivations, on the other hand, revolved around trust. he always felt like he could trust bobby and the 118 completely, and saw them as family, especially bobby. buck thought that bobby was on his side, that he wanted buck to come back as much as buck did. when he finds out that bobby is the reason buck can’t come back, he feels betrayed. he sees the decision as an indication that bobby doesn’t trust him, and that he didn’t trust him enough to tell him what was really going on.

another important thing: buck had every reason to believe that the rest of the 118 knew what bobby was doing and were also lying to buck. the only person who knew was athena, but buck had no way of knowing that. buck himself says that the 118 tells each other everything, so why wouldn’t he assume that hen and chimney and eddie all knew and also chose not to tell him?

in buck’s eyes, his entire support system (excluding maddie) is ripped away from him at once. the 118, his family, doesn’t trust him, they lied to him, and they replaced him. obviously none of this is true, but from buck’s point of view, it makes complete sense.

this also makes eddie’s conversation with buck after the tsunami take on a whole new meaning. buck’s best friend looked into his eyes and assured him that he trusted him more than anyone in the world, and now buck thinks that eddie has been lying to his face. if bobby can lie to him and eddie can lie to him, then he can’t trust anything he thought he could.

so, buck goes for the nuclear option. he doesn’t feel like he has any other choice because he doesn’t feel like he even has anyone in his life that he can depend on right now. without his family, his friends, and his job he has nothing, so he grabs the first opportunity he sees to get that back.

was it a good decision? absolutely not. did it end up hurting everyone he cares about and nearly costing him everything? yes. was it stupid and impulsive and selfish and a whole bunch of other bad things? also yes.

but that is why it makes sense. it’s a very human decision borne from very complex, human emotions, and so is bobby’s decision. these characters are deeply flawed and complex and sometimes do impulsive and selfish things and that’s what makes them interesting.

the lawsuit arc is a perfect example of two people who deeply care about each other making all the wrong choices in an attempt to protect themselves and the people they care about. and that is why i think it is an incredibly well executed storyline that added tremendous depth to both buck and bobby’s respective characters and their relationship.

hope you enjoyed my ridiculously long post of the day! let me know if you want to hear my thoughts on any other storylines because i spend a ridiculous amount of time thinking about this show.

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Final Four: Beaks in the Shell! or JESUS WEPT!

This.. this is a big occasion for me. It’s a return to regular Ducktales coverage.. but it’s also the first episode of the LAST four of the series. It was thanks to Ducktales my blog got a following, first through in character chat things, then through my reviews of this very season. It was starting this last year that took my blog from something I was passionate abbout but did ocassionaly to a vital part of my being and my source of income via one lucky boy who just wont’ let me stop! I kid of course, I thank kev for it, though i’d gladly welcome any other review comissions from you fine folks and fit them into the schedule. There’s a page on my blog for how and if your on mobile you can simply send me an ask or submit to ask about comissiong an episode or episodes of an animated shwo you like and i’ll give you my prices and what not. But it’s thanks to these Kev started comissioning in the first place and thanks to you all clicking on these reviews every week I do them that kept me doing them early on. So I wanted to thank you all. 

Covering the last four episodes is really bittersweet for me. It’s not the end for ducks here: I have most of seasons 1 and 2 to cover, and will be covering a lot of season 1 next month so I can properly cover shadow war for my Lena retrospective, not to mention continuing to cover life and times when I have the space, various birthdays, including Carl Barks Next Month!, and so on and so on. But this is not only the first show I covered on a weekly basis but it’s the first show i’ve covered like that to end. To put it in perspective, Loud House won’t be leaving until it WANTS to and even then nick will probably prepare a second spinoff to follow it up in some form, Amphibia has both the rest of season 2 to go, starting next month!, and a third season renewal meaning while that probably WILL be it i’ll have had two full seasons to cover by the time it’s over, and I went into Close Enough FULLY expecting it not to make it past season 1 as it’s long and harried production cycle lead me to belivie Time-Warner was just going to dump it on HBO Max and be done with it.. and to my utter and everlasting delight the opposite has happened: It didn’t just get renewed but it’s become one of HBO Max’s most popular shows, the flagship of it’s adult animation lineup, and been given THREE more seasons, two of which are coming very soon, and likely will get as many as it wants for the forseable future. 

The point is.. I went into covering Ducktales expecting at least one more season and genuinely not knowing if i’d make it thorugh covering this one, and once this started to really work out for me, to the point from doubting i’d EVER be able to set up a Patreon to having one that nets me ten dollars a month, feel free to contribute if you enjoy these reviews even a buck a month helps, honest. Plus thanks to that ten bucks a month i’ll be covering the five part 87 Ducktales pilot in April and if you get it up to ten i’ll cover super ducktales. But I wouldn’t even had one without these reviews giving me something to start with, and I figured they’d be around for a few more years, at least one more season. I didn’t think the show would just.. end with this season and while the season IS a proper final season of the show, wrapping up arcs, introducing long overdue cast additions, giving us the biggest and best overarching plot thus far.. a good final season dosen’t make it hurt any less. But as a wise Synthizoid once said...

It hurts it’s going.. I wasn’t prepared for it.. but it’s giving us one hell of a last act, and if this episode is any indication, just because the end is in sight dosen’t mean the last few eps before the finale are phoning it in. This is the end... so now i’ve got my emotional stuff and the weight behind it out of the way, for now i’m defintely going to be bawling come the finale and I’m not ashamed, we can dive into the begining of the end. Counting down.. because really when else am I going to get to use this...

We’re at four and under the cut it’s beaks in the shell. Let’s get dangerous. 

We open with a crime in progress as Gandra is stealing a thing for FOWL and Fenton has shown up on the scene to stop her as you’d expect.. along with Huey the boy wonder! He’s finally Fenton’s Sidekick!

Seriously it’s just so sweet to see this little payoff, to see Huey, after talking about it and clearly wanting to assit Fenton however he can, actually participate. Granted he dosen’t have an armor, yet, of his own, but still he’s been through enough stuff to be helpful> plus, Gyro’s reaction to Fenton trying to ge the resources for another gizmosuit was...

Gandra trips up his wheel, and im with 87 Scrooge in Ducktales Remastered, which I finally got to play recently! Horay!, what WAS gyro thinking with that design. Regardless she gets away, and our heroes return the loot off screen. Good day’s crime fighting. 

Except something’s off with Fenton as he’s been working extra late lately and lying to both Gyro and Ma’Ma about it with both suspcious, Gyro because he dosen’t like not knowing things and especially not knowing what his former intern’s up to because he’s a bit of a control freak.. and because he probably can’t go visit his new clone farm and work on speeding up the process of his replacement bodies after moonvasion used em all up without Fenton finding out as he’d tell Scrooge and Scrooge would be like “Stop playing God in ways that could get me a steep fine!”. It’d be a whole thing. The fact Fenton’s also using their now shared intern in Manny and neither is telling him why probably isn’t helping and i’ts only that workplace harassment seminar that keeps him from trying to strangle either of them again. That and Manny dosen’t have a neck.

Ma’Ma is more upset that not only is he lying to her again, more on that later, but .. that she’s figured out he has a new girlfriend and understandably thinks there’s some dark reason he’s not telling her, and unlike Gyro turns out she’s two for two. I mean she is a detective while Gyro is more worried about his clone army, his man horse and his robot son. I mean the last two are valid but still Mama just has to worry about her job and her socially awkward adult son. She has more time to focus on this.

But yes, not only is Fenton seeing someone.. but it’s Gandra again. A bit abrubt but honestly this isn’t the first Fenton episode to move his life fast.. and frankly i’m more lenient on final seasons, or seasons INTENDED to be the last ones in terms of offscreen stuff, as your trying to get everything you can wrapped up in the span of 13-24 episodes depending on how lucky you get, if not less. Sometimes you just gotta use a reveal and some exposition to hurry things along and if presented right it works.. and here it is a while the summary for this episode spoiled the reveal, i’ts still subtly dramatic that not only has hef ully forgiven her.. but their together.. despite the fact she still works for fowl. Wuh-oh.  After the credits we get an idea of what their working on, as Fenton used the gizmoduck suit to enter some kind of VR scape. This is the Gizmoscape! It’s a vast virtual reality landscape.. that looks like a fancy version of the VR Interface from community. Marble pillars, flowing water falls. Though ironically enough Jim Rash’s character is NOT a part of it and despite Fenton suggesting letting him in to help with their glitch problem she’s reluctant as it’s THEIR baby and she wants it to be perfect first before they allow other people in. Though i’m also sure part of it is that Gyro would start screaming JESUS WEPT! over and over. 

Meanwhile Mark Beaks is having a big flashy press confrence to announce the new Waddlephone. Only a 50% chance of exploding! And that’s not my dig at Samsung but the shows as that’s really Beaks sales pitch. Unsuprisingly only one VERY bored looking nerd is there at the confrence. As for why he’s finally fallen so low part of it is explalined in the episode: His attempted thefts of the Gizmoduck suit have gotten stale. As the bored nerd puts it he’s tried to steal it four times already, two that we’ve seen but i’m VERY unsuprised he’s tried again off screen. He’s made it PAINFULLY clear he has no ideas of his own, constantly steals them, and the public’s tired of it. As for why it took THIS LONG.. this is sadly realistic. As the throngs of “hardcore gamers” defending Cyberpunk 2077 before it was released can attest to, internet nerd culture can often be toxic, stupid and defend big personalities even when they’ve CLEARLY done something terrible as long as their doing something they like. Beaks was clearly pilfering enough good products and doing enough antics on social media to still be liked and for them to ignore his blanat and douchey crimes and had enough money on him during said crimes to walk away from it. 

Problem is.. while people can be awful and defend someone despite them not deserving their loyality, being a douche in public and doing VERY terrible things.. you have to have something to earn that loyalty. Waddle had that at first iwth project ta-dah, Waddleduck, various aps i’m sure... but it’s clear from context by this point Beaks has nothing left and no cult of personality to insulate him. Unlike say Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos he dosen’t HAVE some big product to mask his shadier wealth hoarding actions, he just has rampat supervilian attempts to steal someone else’s power armor and a hired hyjacking to get back at his cold unloving mother. Even when he does supervillian stuff like that.. he can’t be bothered to do it originally. The public will, and very sadly, defend you from terrible stuff, we’ve seen it with people supproting Gina Carano even though she’s actively spreading harmful disnfermation and then had the GALL to compare herself to jews hiding from the nazis, and one journalist trying to defend her had the gall to compare this to the hollywood blacklisting if the 50′s instead of you know, someone who woudln’t shut up about harmful dangerous shit finally getting fired for using teh platform said job provided to spread said harmful dangerous shit about masks and the vacine. But if you have nothing to offer.. thieri just going to forget you and move on. He has nothing to offer so they’ll gladly gravitate to some other jackass who can at leasat given them a neat phone instead of trying to steal a superhero suit for the 8th time. Mark realizes if he can’t steal something soon.. he’ll be forced to go with the Nuclear option: MAKE SOMETHING HIMSELF. 

Back at Fenton’s toilet lab, Huey finds Fenton having some cyber makeouts with Gandra... which translates to him kissing the air and Huey feeling evne more awarkd than usual. As for why Huey’s here despite it being late, he got a piece of Gandra’s nanotech during the robbery and figures they can track her. Fenton is.. less than enthused about that for obvious reasons but things soon get worse for our hero as our other hero notices the linkup. And while sidekicks are a good thing in my eyes; They allow young heroes to get proper training, help nuture their talents and prevent assholes from telling them to stop it instead of you know helping them. It’s.. a more common trope than you think let me tell you. 

But Fenton’s discovered the Downside is they can show up anytime, want to hunt your criminal girlfriend down not knowing the full story, and if their a genius like you, figure out what your up to with no effort and really want to try it. Seriously Huey’s almost as smart as you Fenton and will no doubt surpass you one day, this was a matter of when not if and you shouldv’e been more prepared. But Huey wants to try, and while Fenton tries deflecting since he only has the gizmoduck helmet and it only works for him now... Manny comes in with a bunch of vr rigs and Huey dives in.  Naturally, Huey soon running directly into Gandra dosne’t go great.. and given this is huey his natural instinct is to have a panic attack over his best friend, mentor and the only person besides maybe his family, boyfriend and girlfriend that really gets him possibly betraying him and his entire family. Gandra is of course mad Fenton invited someone in when she didn’t want that, and even more someone whose clearly not happy with her and will likely tell on them because that’s basic hue-man nature. 

Fenton explains he didn’t ask for this, so we get easily the best part of the episode: Gandra’s solution to the child having a mental breakdown.. is to summon a weighted blanket and throw it over him, which Huey mistakes for a trap and she explains helps with Anxiety.. and while he struggles.. it really does. Damn gotta get me one of those. Also while his Autisim remains vauge, likely on puprose, Huey having anxiety disorder, while obvious before, is now 100% confirmed. 

So now he’s calm, though his Anxiety meter shows he’s still not happy and Gandra doubts he’ll listen, Fenton can at least try and explain: The two have been seeing each other and working on this in secret.. but it has NOTHING to do with FOWL other than Gandra embezzling resoruces to make it happen. Gandra also explains why the project is so important to her and Fenton via her own backstory: Super Science is a dangerous, unrpedictable field and accidents happen a lot, and given people tend to hate what they don’t understand, hence why the X-Men founded their own island  after getting spat on one too many times, it often gets an unfair bad wrap.. and she shows she’s had to put up with this her whole life, making an intresting lazer thing as a kid that lost to a volcano and getting glared at for it accidently destroying said volcano. And as an adult due to her work’s dangerous and experimental nature, no one would take a chance on it and like many a super villian she had to experiment on herself. It’s also why she worked for Beaks last season and works with FOWL now, only supervillians with thier grandiose ambitions and lack of care for property damage would fund her. 

That’s part, at least, of why this is so very important to her: The Gizmoscap eprovides an invorment where scientests and others can experiment unabated, where the only limit is imagination and those glitches they keep having and any accident can be frozen , dragged and dropped away with no damage. There’s no risk but all the reward and they plan to give it out for free, to let the public use this and let the world grow from it. 

It also fills in a lot of Gandra’s character and gives weight to her last apperance: Her working with Beaks, while hypocritical, now has a tragic edge as he was simply the only one who’d fund her work. Her hatred of Fenton’s corprroate job and people like Scrooge.. is that in general billionares like him usually aren’t good people, and even SCrooge has his clear faults, and she assumed he was just making Fenton shut up and do things just to beniefit him and make him more money.. when Scrooge was instaead paying him to do a genuine public service as gizmoduck, and gives him and Gyro a LOT of leway and a pretty bottomless budget and only turns things down if their way too dangeorus for public release. The tragedy here is if she’d gone to Scrooge.. she never would’ve had to work for FOWL. He wouldd’ve genuinely supported her and likely given her a full ride and a spot in the lab of her own, maybe as an intern but probably on her own merit given how game changing her tech is and how he of all people understands a ballance of risk and reward. It turns her from a very hypcoriticla techie who works with the very people she scorns.. to someone who has no choice and desperatley wants out.  And this is her way out: something new and bold that’, while not hers alone as Fenton co created it, could change the world and make it safe for people like her to do what they do without ridcule, scorn or risk. It’s everything she could’ve dreamed of and more and once it’s done she promises to leave fowl and as the end of the episode bares out, and as her tone makes clear, she’s genuine about it. She also TRULY does love fenton and vice versa and both are desspearte for Huey to keep a lid on things from Gyro till it’s ready, as she rightfully worries if it gets out unfisnished they’ll just be mocked agian.  Naturally being a good soft boy Huey is now entirely on board, because he loves science, and he loves love and this is both. And frankly given what we saw way back in Astro BOYD... .he knows more than anyone what its like to be laughed at and mocked for being diffrent and simply being smart. And even though his family lvoes him.. only one member is as smart as him in the same way, his mom whose still a very diffrent person, and it wasn’t till this season he really got to connect with people his own age like him. And both Violet and BOYD could benifit form this.. everyone could. So he’ll keep it secret for now.  This proves problematic as both Gyro AND Mama are there and both have questions. And while Huey ducks gyro, Mama.. interrogates a small child who she’s defintely met and likely knows has anxiety over something as trivial as her son having a secret girlfrined. You.. you guys might’ve wanted to remove this bit given last year. I”m just saying. Does not play well. The most Huey can come up with is a girlfriend in Canada which fenton plays along with... but given neither her nor gyro are really buying into things, though Mama has a check done on seamstresses in canada just in case because this bit was clearly written years ago and not rerecorded for whatever reason, Huey uses little bulb to fake a gizmo emergency so Fenton can get out of there, go home and work on this himself while Huey stalls and lies. But since his best on the fly lie was “a girlfriend in canada”, which is somehow worse than “who’s Dewey”, and while our boy is many things: excellent at opera, a good friend, a wonderful wingman, excellent at setting a mood, a good son, great at panic attacks, a genius, an expert woodchuck, knowledgeble on quantum mechanics.. the list goes on lying is not one of those things and he seems to be in a pickle. 

Meanwhile Mark is struggling to create, can relate, because he’s entirely creatively sterile. And that’s probably why out of Scrooge’s foes.. he stopped being a threat. He has no vision. And while true the Beagle BOys also don’t besides steal stuff and maybe get our deed back, that’s by design as Ma knows they can’t take scrooge or gizmoduck so why cry. Stick to petty crimes and stuff he isn’t aware of or dosen’t care about. But Magica and Glomgold do. Magica is cunning, if not subtle, and manipulative and when on full blast horrifyingly powerful, and it took everything Clan McDuck had to stop her at full, and she still nearly won without any powers when she came back, and even if Lena can keep her in check now, she still GOT her powers back and got her new arch enemy to defeat her old one. Glomgold while only slightly more comipitent than beaks, and even then VERY slightly, he at least has vision. His schemes are entirely stupid.. but he dosen’t stop coming up with them. They may be his first draft but damn if they aren’t entertaining and damn if one or two haven’t WORKED. Simply stealing a few cents from scrooge and gaslighting him in a devil costume NEARLY drove him insane and cost him his fortune.  Beaks.. has no ideas. He has ambiation.. but it’s to steal the same tech that even if he got it, he woudln’t know what to do with. The ONLY time he’s been a full on threat has been using someone else’s scheme, that Gandra clearly came up with and STILL required piggybacking on the gizmo suit. He has nothing and while it was fine for a while.. eventually h’es left iwth nothing. Glomgold at least has money, magica at least has power... Beaks HAD both.. but had no idea what to properly do with it and now is on his last legs. Even his idea for a coffee cups with aps is taken because of course “even the dumbest ideas are taken”, this is america. Making dumb shit for rich morons is our primary export. But he sees the fleeing fenton, has a breakdown and declares FINE if that’s what fate wants i’ll steal the armor I’LL STEAL THE ARMOR ALL DAY. 

So Fenton heads home to recharge in both senses of the word, and to tell Gandra the timetable’s moved and Huey can hold them only so long. And he seems to be wrong as Huey confidently prepares to answer their questions.. but is seemingly thrown when we get the real reason Mama is so upset: She’s just worried and still a bit hurt from Fenton not feeling he could tell her he was gizmoduck and it breaks her heart that her son feels he has to hide from her again. However while this is genuinely sad and emotional.. the reason he’s thrown is it’s NOT huey, but Louie, whose a bit miffed as he DIDN’T know Fenton was Gizmoduck, and can’t properly bullshit without full info. it’s also really nice that bit FINALLY came up as the rest of the four main kids have known for a while now. But Huey convincnes him to do it.. for 6 months allowance. Frankly the real shocker here is that they actually GET an allowance. 

However Mama.. is again a cop. One who REALLY needs to rethink her ethics.. but a cop, and the best one on the force, and thus has easily guessed this is not Huey, and given she’s probably ran into his schemes before, figures out which one he’d bring in to buffer for him and easily gets rid of Louie by asking him to tur informant on himself, since the REAL Huey would under pressure and Louie instead flees in terror not wanting to get arrested and leaves both the lab and the episode. Though I’m pretty sure i know where he went

So yeah things are not great and only get worse, as Mark breaks into fentons house via the open window and upon finding out abotu the Gizmoscape naturally plans to hack into it and take it for himself. Before he does Fenton talks to Gandra and admits they may have to let other people in and we get another reason: She’s worried she’s not good enough. He reassures her.. and this tender moment is interupted by Beaks who imprisons them, hyjacks fenton’s security system aka a gizmo armor, and while still a creatively sterile douche, does have a decent if horrifically scummy way to profit all of this: use the open coloabreation concept to get the legal right to steal all this and say it’s his. 

Fenton bemaons the fact that Gandra was right, one bad apple spoiled the bunch and unveling it too qiuckly would’ve gone bad as she feared.. but Gandra’s grown and realizes Fenton was also right, and that they needed more people. While the wrong people can ruin a project, collaboration can help, finding perspectives you didn’t see and helping fine tune ideas. Huey, whose collapsed at Fenton’s due to the exustion of lying, wakes up to find Beaks crimes and being unable to just unplug him, as while Beaks is VERY dumb, even he’s not THAT stupid. But Fenton gets out an SOS over morse to tell everyone So Huey does.. and the calvary arrives, as Huey enters the Gizmoscape with Mama and Gyro. And while Mama is pleased to realize she’s right about the girlfirend thing they don’t really have time for that, so once Huey explains the basic concept, he uses it himself to give himself GIZMO ARMOR. AT LAST. 

He also has extra long legs, because of course, just.. of course. Naturally Beaks steals it, and everyone else takes a stab at their own gizmotech armor: Mama daawns a stunning police themed one, Gyro goes for a bulb mecha based on the giant version of little bulb from the great dime chase, an idea brought up by LB, and Gandra goes for a sleek tron esque nanotech number. Beaks take sa bit from each and our heroes wonder how to beat him.. but Fenton realizes that’s simple: Beaks can only copy and steal... they can create. And Gandra uses this against him by pointing that out so he drops his super armor.. to look like Andross from Starfox.. which shows that EVEN when trying to come up with a cool final boss form... Beaks has to steal from something. The rest of the Gizmo Corps, my name for them I own that, Gizmo Legion would also be good, after Iron Man’s iron Legion, suit back up and kick beaks ass as a team. I smell second spinoff.. or first if darkwing ends up hyjacked by Seth Rogen.. who I have nothing agianst he’s just not the one who put in the work for a reboot. 

So our heroes win in an awesome sequence, seirously spinoff and Beaks is knocked the fuck out and presumibly will FINALLY go to jail for good to this as he can get away from a lot but directly breaking into an officer’s house and stalking her son, they can omit the gizmopart and even if Fenton went public.. no one would care and he and Mama can take care of htemselves, as can Huey, Gyro, Gandra and Manny, so it’s not like anyones in danger. Beaks is well and truly defeated: he has no idea, an imminet jail sentence, and no one to back him up. Fenton’s finally got the little boil off his back

So now the big fight is over, Gyro can actually process the Gizmoscape.. and is genuinely impressed.. he tries to hidei t because of course he does.. but it’s clear for someone who himself has constnatly been called crazy and had his ideas blow up.. this is paradise to him. a place where he won’t be judged and has unlimtied funds to experiment with his ideas without having to get yelled at when they destroy a city block or nearly choked to death by his own robot son, daughter or nonbinary person. He also easily fixes the problem and proves Fenton right for wanting to include him, as he points out they hadn’t been DELETING anything, simply downsizing it and it naturally caused stress on the server.  Fenton talks about Gandra and defneeds her to Mama.. whose just happy he’s happya nd someone can take her son. Alls well that ends well right. 

Final Thoughts:  So this was a... wait.. why are we cutting back to fowl.. why is bradford there. 

Yeah turns out megalmanoical diabolical msterminds kinda monitor their employees so he knew she intended to quit and stole resources, and while she plans to leave, he simply calls in a bunch of eggheads who overwhelm her with sheer numbers and has her fined two weeks pay.. and taken to the lost library to indefintely lock her up. What’s that she asks “You have your secrets, I have mine”

So yeah a bit of a downer ending

Actual Final Thoughts: 

This was an excellent capper to Fenton’s character arc. While the Gandra relationsihp is a bit rushed the rest is a masterful capper to his character arc: This episode shows off how he’s changed from EVERY one of his previous three focus episodes, while a major part of astro boyd and how he got his docterate it dosne’t quite contribute to his character arc,  and grown from them: From beware the buddy system! he’s learned to colaberate properly and taken his desire to WORK with other people, like he always did with Gyro but was constnatly shut out, and found a proper and brilliant way to that allows people like him, gyro, gandra and huey to really express themselvs. He’s grown from a niave rookie trusting the wrong people in who is gizmoduck.. to someone whose STILL fully trusting despite constant betryals, but now knows who to trust, and an experinced hero who once freed easily counters his nemisis.  And finally from Dangerous Chemistry, he’s finally got a ballance in his life: inastead of running from gizmo or treating his alter ego as something else.. he’s found a way to use the gizmotech for science, and FINALLY found his world changing invention one so good and so practical even his mentor, despite trying to walk it back, is genuinely proud of him and genuinely in awe.

Every step lead to his happy ending.. well okay his girlfriend still needs to be freed from her insane ex-boss, but that’s just a few episodes away. Fenton has everything he wanted when he started: his boss finally respects him and treats him as an equal, his mom not only knows who he is but is proud and supportive of him, he has a loving partner creatively and romantically.. and a best friend who while a good two decades younger, is there for him and who he genuinely apologizes too for putting so much on him. LIke all the endings so far this season.. it feels like a throughly satisfying end to the journey we’ve been following. This fits in nicely with Penny realizing earth could be her home and that she dosen’t have to constnatly fight to have a purpose, Lena finally accepting magic instead of running from it and thus gaining peace of mind and power to stop her former abuser from hurting anyone else, Goldie finally accepting how much she cars about Scrooge and his family and that she CAN change... all of this, except penny obviously has been built up through three seasons and while I DEFINTLY could see frank and matt returning to all of them.. i’ts nice to get some closure.  It feelsd earned and impressive. The episode is also.. REALLY fucking funny, from the weighted blanket gag to Beaks in general, to Huey yelling at fenton about Mama “She somehow broke Louie!”. It’s a masterful and throughly satisfying end to Fenton’s story. And again we’ll likely see him in the finale but character arc wise.. its a good place to end his. 

Next Week: FINALLY, AFTER 10,000 YEARS, IT’S THE TAILSPIN EPISODE. OWEEOOO, OWEEHHHH. 

Tommorow: We return to the noiry furry world of John Blacksad as everyone’s favorite panther detective battles white supremacists to find a missing girl and we’re introduced to your faviorite sidekick and mine Weekly. 

Later on this week: The Lena retrospective continues with Jaw$, we celebrate Tex Avery’s birthday, and I tackle the awful original tom and jerry movie. 

So if any of that tickles your fancy see you at the next rainbow

[tehrevving]

I have a request if you don't mind. Dante x smol shy femreader smut where she timidly confesses him that she is interested in trying light bondage (only gagged and having her wrists tied together)

To the lovely Anon that requested this I want to apologise so much for how long this took me. I really wanted to show a side of Dante that was just genuinely loving and adoring and wonderful, and my perfectionism ended up getting the better of me. Anyway, I finally finished this one. I really hope you enoy it :D

You were nervous as you sat across Dante’s lap, kissing him softly while his big hands pressed against your back. You weren’t nervous about the kissing, or the gentle but obvious promise pressing against your leg of what was to come after the kissing. You weren’t nervous about his large, powerful body or his strength, but you were nervous about something that you were absolutely desperate to ask him and you were nervous about how he might react to your request. You hadn’t been able to get the thoughts out of your head, you were desperate to explore them and you’d finally decided to just talk to him about them. You just had to hope that he would be into your idea too.

He picks up almost immediately on your nervousness, the slight racing of your heart, the quickness of your breath. He pulls away from you, rubs his thumb in a deep arc across your lower back that makes you arch against him. He leans down to kiss your forehead, his voice is soft and his eyes are smiling as he speaks to you, “whatcha thinking about sweetheart?”

You squirm slightly, now wondering if you really want to go through with this. You decide it’s now or never and take in a deep breath, “I want to try something.”

He reaches down and places a finger underneath your chin, tilting your head up so you can’t look away from his eyes. “What do you want to try?”

“When we,” you trail off, “during sex. I want you to tie me up.”

He parses your words slowly, lifting up one of your wrists and presses the underside of it to his lips. The softness of his movements and the specific location on your body he chose isn’t lost on you at all. “Is that all?”

You shake your head and he tilts his head at you, like he’s hanging on every word. “Maybe if you… gagged me too,” you say shyly.

He pauses and stops to think for a moment, making an exaggerated noise deep in his throat. “That’s quite a lot for our first time trying that sort of thing Darling,” he says smiling softly. “If you don’t like it when you’re gagged then you can’t tell me to stop and with your hands tied you can’t touch me to let me know either. Hmm, but,” he grins, “if that’s what you want then I’m sure we can think of something.” He presses his cheek to your temple and rocks you against his lap. He’s still hard. “Do you wanna go and try now?”

You nod, ecstatic that you didn’t ruin the mood but still pretty nervous about what was to come.

Dante adjusts you in his arms, he stands up effortlessly, holding you to his chest as he carries you up the stairs to the bedroom. He lays you down on the bed and then starts rummaging through the dresser. He murmurs to himself a little bit and then pulls out a few fairly old looking ties and lays them out on the bedside table; you’re surprised he even owned any.

He moves over to the bed, leaning over you, “just relax,” he says and then lowers himself down until he’s lying on top of you. His lips press against your own as his tongue moves against your lips, his thick thigh quickly ends up between your legs and he encourages you to buck your hips up against him until your breathing turns heavy. He lets you get in the mood a bit before he moves on, knowing that sometimes you get a little bit shy about sex before the desperation and arousal sets in.

He throws his own shirt off and chuckles when your hands instantly move to press against his chest. He tenses for you, puffing out his pecs as he grins against your lips. He pulls away, tensing and making his pecs jump underneath your hands. The teasing smile on his face is unmistakable, “you better get your fill darlin’ cause soon these bad boys will be off limits.”

You can’t help but laugh almost breathlessly, but you also can’t help but inhale sharply at the thought of what is to come and you’re sure he notices the small whine that escapes from between your lips.

He allows you to touch him until he decides you’ve had enough. He pulls back from you and grins as your hands try to follow him. He picks up one of the ties from next to the bed, “do you still want to do this?” he asks and moves them over to you when you nod. “Arms up,” he says, helping you move them up until your wrists are pressed together up against the headboard.

He wraps the tie gently around your wrists and then the bed. “You need a safe word,” he says as he starts working the tie into knots. “We’ll start with traffic lights. Green for a-okay, red if you need me to stop. Okay?”

“Okay,” you say, not really sure how to reply. Your voice is quieter than you expected. You’ve done a little bit of research, and you know that’s a standard thing but you’re maybe a little bit surprised that he already knew about it too.

“How is that?” he asks, motioning for you to pull against the restraints. They’re tied in very loose loops around your wrists, you think you would slip out of them if you really tried, that’s probably deliberate. They feel comfortable enough, the knots don’t come undone as you tug on them and they’re certainly not cutting off your circulation.

Dante looks pretty impressed with his own handiwork as your wrists don’t come free. He reaches over and picks up another tie looking down at you, “I want you to keep this in your mouth,” his voice is serious, “but I also want you to be able to say your safe word too, so I’m not going to tie it.”

You nod again as he slowly begins to place the fabric into your mouth. The texture is surprisingly rough and it makes your mouth water, all in all it’s fairly comfortable though.

Dante kisses your forehead and your jaw, “make sure you let me know if you want me to stop. For any reason, alright,” he assures you, gently cupping your cheek as you nod.

He doesn’t waste any time, starting almost immediately with teasing your breasts. One large hand palms your left one while his lips and tongue wreck havoc on your right. It feels far, far too good as you writhe and squirm underneath him, his stubble burning at your skin. You lift your hands up to try and push him away, and then realise you can’t as they catch uselessly on your bonds. You moan and buck your hips up, it’s everything you wanted it to be, the restraint, the desperation. Dante can hear your muffled cries, he knows he’s doing too much, giving your sensitive skin far too much stimulation, but he doesn’t care. He simply looks up at you as he hears you already straining at your bonds, he gives a devilish grin before swapping to your other breast.

It’s easier to handle now, somehow but you still can’t help yourself and he pulls away once you start whimpering, “How are you feeling Babe? Okay?” he waits for you to nod in agreement before he laughs and continues to undress you. He pulls your pants off gently, easily and you can hear his sharp inhale of breath as the scent of your arousal hits his sensitive nose. “Wow you’re really into this aren’t you?” he grins, taking another deep sniff and you blush heavily.

He looks up at you from between your legs, he looks absolutely feral and you struggle to tear your eyes away from the sight of him, from the intensity in his gaze. His hands move to the tops of your thighs, gently gripping your skin. He pulls your legs apart so he can fit between them and you squirm in his grasp.

He rubs his scratchy cheek against the soft, sensitive skin on the inside of your thigh. He chuckles as you squirm against him, he always takes great pleasure in overwhelming you. He simply rubs harder once he can hear you straining against your bonds.

He bites down on your thigh and then soothes over the mark with his tongue. You try to exclaim his name but the sound of it is muffled through the wet fabric of your gag.

“Fine, fine,” he teases and then lowers himself down, dragging the flat of his tongue in a slow lick against your folds as he goes. You buck your hips up against his face and cry his name once more. He takes that as encouragement and starts to lick against you harder.

He wants to draw it out, but he thinks it might be too much for you with the way your body is moving against him, he did tease you quite a lot earlier. He keeps his movements simple, soft, licking and sucking against your swollen clit until you’re wet and bucking up into his face. He holds your hips down with his hands as he gets you to the edge with his skillful tongue, enjoying the sounds of your bonds straining, of your body struggling to move.

And holy shit it’s even better than you thought it would be, being restrained. It’s even better when he’s holding you down too and soon you’re right fucking there at the edge. There’s drool leaking from the sides of your gag as you struggle to cry out his name over and over again. He pulls away from you, laughing, grinning and fuck you want to hit him over the back of the head. He waits, drumming his fingers against his thigh while you squirm against the mattress and try to calm down; you had been right there.

Dante doesn’t make you wait long, grinning the whole time as he slips a thick finger inside of you. It goes in easily with an unmistakable wet sound. He groans at the feeling of your heat, of the tightness around him and you clench your muscles to tease him more.

His lips worship at your clit as he slowly opens you up. Slipping another finger inside, spreading you open while he grins. He moans your name between your legs, riling you up, egging you on.

You pull tightly against your restraints as he doesn’t stop, drool leaking from your lips as you cry out against the soaked gag in your mouth. Your thighs grip his face in a headlock as you spasm against him and come against his lips.

There’s a wide smile on his face as he pulls away, your eyes are bleary but you can just picture his smug expression as he exaggerates the motion of wiping your come from his lips, from his stubble. He bends you almost in half, hooking your legs up and over his shoulders, it’s a little bit scary not being able to use your hands to support yourself, but you trust him not to let you go.

“You doing okay Baby girl?” he asks and you make an attempt to answer, but it’s utterly unintelligible through your gag. He chuckles as you nod and then leans down to press a soft kiss to your forehead and then to your cheek. He stays in your vision, keeping eye contact with you, there’s so much care and love in his eyes, even as he reaches down to grip his cock. He bucks his hips against his fist, eyes fluttering shut for a moment before he moves. He enters you slowly, carefully, groaning the whole time as his fingers grip tightly to your thighs.

You moan when he bottoms out inside of you, watching as he screws his eyes shut to focus on the feeling. He lets out a deep breath, eyes slowly opening. He keeps them locked with yours as he slowly begins to thrust. It feels good, the sensations heightened from your previous orgasm, from your inability to move, from the loss of control.

His fingers move to your clit once more, and now you realise how worked up he really is. He teases you with his thumb, picking up the pace of his hips while he praises your tight, hot body. He begs for you to come around him, begs for you to tighten around his cock. You can’t resist the dirty talk, or the irresistible feel of his cock as he angles his hips and thrusts against your g-spot, thumb working skillfully against your clit.

The restraints around your wrists snap as you come once more. It’s more due to the way that Dante pulls your body against him as he thrusts roughly than your own movements. He groans your name as he comes, bending you until your legs almost touch your shoulders. His body shudders against yours as he leans down to kiss you. He’s heavy as he rests his weight against your shaking body.

He pulls out of you, removing the gag from between your lips and then flopping beside you on his back, breathing heavily.

He has a sloppy, dopey smile on his face as he turns to you, pulling you against his chest. He rubs at your slightly sore wrists to get the feeling back into them. “How was that?” he asks.

“Good,” you smile curling up against his chest.

“I think it went pretty well,” he grins, “make sure you let me know if there’s anything else like that you wanna try”

You're overcome with a doubt of shyness again, in even your post orgasmic haze. “What about doing the same to you?” you ask him, voice low.

“Jackpot!” he exclaims, leaning over the bed and you’re surprised, but also not surprised as he pulls out a very severe, heavy duty looking pair of handcuffs and grins like a mad man, “anytime you want Babe, I’m all yours.”

[sapphicomenn]

WELCOME TO MY THOUGHTS WHILE REWATCHING THE MCU IN TIMELINE ORDER: THE AVENGERS

“the tesseract has awakened” oh you mean the glowy cube from captain america AND captain marvel? THAT glowly cube?? cool looking stairs- ew who tf are you? the grim reaper??

what the fuck is a chitauri and why does it sound like sea food. “a world will be his. the universe, yours.” STOP BLAMING THE PRONOUN GAME AND GIVE ME NAMES FFS

ooo shield base. “not a drill.” oh shits going down- COULSON. FUURRRYYY FUCK YEAH. the best marvel characters are here the movie has peaked- oldman from thor is here?? intoresting. and who the hell is this woman tryna question fury??

the glowy cube is a shE???????? HUH??????? oh hey its hawkeye the badass archer guy. oh shit things are going down. the cube is sparking and swirling??- IT OPENED A PORTAL

LOKKIII YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD WELCOME BACK. HE HAS A SHOOTY MAGIC SPEAR LIKE A BADASS. he just took out a bunch or shield with a shooty spe- OHMYGODS HE CAN CONTROL MINDS WITH IT.

“loki. brother of thor.” OLDMAN STFU

GUNS GO PEW PEW ALONG SIDE A GOOD OLD CAR CHASE SKSHSKKSHS. RUN FURY RUNNN. the portal imploded on itself like a moron hA

WHO TF NAMES THEIR CHILD “HILL” WTF. “we are at war.” NO SHIT SHERLOCK A NORSE GOD STOLE THE CUBE YOU WERE SUPPOST TO PROTECT

tis a train and a old building- NATASHA. how tf were you taken hostage? im so glad i have subtitles on otherwise i wouldnt understand a thing these ppl are saying. HOW TF IS SHE KICKING ASS WHILE TIED TO A CHAIR WHAT IN THE HELL-

oh his leg deff broke once he fell off the ledge tied to a chain. cut to a lil gorl running to find a doctor- who tf this is of course. THIS GUY IS BANNER??? i mean im glad they changed the actor but wtf. “theres no one that knows gamma radiation like you do.” YA DONT SAY, ROMANOFF. “STOP LYING TO ME” JESUS FUCK THAT MADE ME JUMP

oh damn shield has their own O5 council? cool. EXPLAIN WHAT PHASE2 IS ALREADY. also dont say thor is bad he is a giant puppy dog with a war-boner.

oh hi steve, working off that PTSD by beating the shit out of a punching bag ay? oh right steve knows the glowy cube. “at this point i doubt anything would surprise me.” “ten bucks says you’re wrong” welp ya owe him ten bucks steve

“is there anything you can tell us about the tesseract to help us now?” “you should’ve left it in the ocean.” WELL THAT HELPS ALOT DOESNT IT. hello there iron man, at the bottom of the ocean.? sure why the hell not

aye stark tower’s about to have clean energy, yay stark! “stark tower, is your baby.” how do you give birth to a tower.???????? KSHSJSHSKSJS COULSON BROKE INTO THE TOWER “is first name is agent.” TONY SKSHKSSHKSVSKSHSKS

*whisper whisper whisper* yeah she bribed tony with sex so he’d work on the avengers and stuff. “the guys like a stephen hawking.” “. . .” “hes like a smart person”

awh coulson is fangirling over steve- watched you while you were sleepin- man you’re awkward. you adorable dumbass. ohshit underground musky lab- OLDMAN AND LOKI

the world is breaking around loki. sea food army is restless- shut the fuck up you stupid looking eye wrapped bastard. WHO THE HELL IS THIS HE?????? welcome back to earth you smexy man

FLOATING WATER BASE

back to avenger tingz. man coulson is the biggest cap fan- oh its a giant sub- NO ITS A GIANT FLYING BASE HOLYSHIT SHIELD THATS AMAZING.

now we go into the meetings and talking related stuff :I yey. “lets vanish” wdym- IT HAD A CLOAKING DEVICE. HA STEVE JUST GAVE THE TEN HE OWED SKSHSKHSKSJS

i dont understand a word of all the science stuff they just said but yay. “i need a distraction. and an eyeball” barton what the fuck why do you need an eye.?

oh lokis in germany, at a very fancy party might i add. loki is best boy ever. even if he just bonked a the head/ OHMYGOD AND STOLE HIS FUCKING EYE JESUS CHRIST INFRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE.??????

“i said. KNEEEEL” dont need to tell me twice-

blagh villain speeches are the worst. why tf did this old guy stand up “not to men like you.” shut up. SHOOT HIM- wtf. steve what the hell are you wearing? what the fuck is that- aye tonnnyyy!!!! he hacked into the jet thingy and started playing music from the speaker thats the best.

CAPSICLE SKSHSKSHKSHSKSJ- ohfuck thunder. THOR WELCOME TO THE PARTY. “im not overly fond of what follows” WKVSKSBSKSHSJS

HE JUST BROKE INTO THE JET AND STOLE LOKI FROM EM. “theres only one god ma’am. and im sure he doesnt dress like that.” cap stfu

“i thought you were dead.” “did you mourn.” damn loki thats harsh. thor is angy at his brother. “you listen well brot-ARGH” “..im listening?” STARK YOU CHOSE THAT MOMENT TO BODY SLAM THOR OFF THAT CLIFF AND LEAVE LOKI BEHIND? REALLY?

“.. tourist.” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT KICK HIS ASS, THOR. DONT KILL HIM WITH LIGHTNING THO

if someone throwed me against a tree i wouldnt be walking. im just saying

“THATS ENOUGH.” cap did you think that would work?? and how the hell did your dinner plate stop the power of thor

loki do be in jail tho. how’s this gonna go wrong- oh he smiled at banner. THATS how it goes wrong

tell him off fury! “you have made me very disapoin-“ OH NVM HE SAYS DESPERATE IGNORE THIS

“uNlimiteD pOoWeRRRRR”

“let me know if real power wants a magazine or something.” good comeback fury. i think

“loki is beyond reason, but he is of asgard. and he is my brother” “he killed 80 people in two days.” “he’s adopted.” KSBSKSJSJSJSK

“that man is playing galaga. he thought we wouldnt notice, but we did.” TONYKANSKSHKSJSKSJ tony is a fucking legend. “finally someone who speaks english!” “is that what just happened?” steve stfu you’re a fighty man not a smart man

“i do! . . . i understood that reference.” steve nvm keep talking please. PLEASE THE MAN IS STILL PLAYING GALAGA SOSJSKSJSJKS

why is tony eating blueberrys- where the hell did he get blueberrys. “we have orders. we should start following them.” steve you tried to get into the army under fake locations for months AND broke into a german base when you were a showpony. stfu about following rules

“so you’re saying the hulk.. the other guy? saved me” yes. yes we are saying that, banner. aye steve go break into shit like you’re suppost to :D

oh hi again oldman, welcome back. yay shield saved padme, and awh oldman talked about thor alot. thor i love you alot. loki just tell nat where tf you left barton :/ oh barton was sent to KILL nat?? not hire her?? well that went downhill. whomst the hell is dreykov- sao paulo- the hospital fire???? hawkeye wtf why’d you spill it all to loki.

mewley quim wtf kind of insult is that- oh damn nat figured out the hulk is lokis next plan of attack. PHASE TWO IS TO USE THE GLOWY CUBE TO MAKE FUCKING WEAPONS? SHIELD WHAT THE HELL

HA FURY TRIED TO LIE IS WAY OUTTA IT BUT BC STARK HACKED INTO IT ALL HE JUST EXPOSED HIMSKHSKSJSKS

WAIT THEY WERE MADE FOR THOR AND ASGARDIANS? WHAT THE FUCK SHIELD- oh damn lokis staff is the reason they’re all at eachother. probably

“yeah. big man in a suit of armor. take that off what are you?.” “genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.” well you’re not wrong

guys stop fighting, HAWKEYE IS BREAKING IN. “in case you needed to kill me. but you cant. i know, i tried.” awh thats sad, i wanna hug banner so bad :(

OHSHIT AN ENTIRE WING GOT BLOWN UP THE FLYING BASE IS GOING DOWN- HULKS COMING OUT THATS NOT GOOD. the transforming is scary- RUN NAT

loki stop smiling because the plan is going your way. “it seems to run on some form of electricity.” “well you’re not wrong” tony stop being funny this isnt fair

HULK JUMPSCARE JESUS CHRIST- NAT GOT BITCHSLAPPED THROUGH A WALL- YAY THOR TO SAVE THE DAY. HAMMER TIME BABYY

*B O N K*

hulk trying to pick the hammer up is funny. BRIDGE IS UNDER ATTACK. DO YOU THINK SHOOTING HULK IS A GOOD IDEA??? HE JUST TOOK OUT FIGHTER JET AND ALMOST KILLED THE GUY FLYING IT

CAP IS KICKING ASS- OH GOD NO THE ENGINES ARE FAILING. OHGOD LOKI IS OUT- THOR YOU DUMBFUCK DID YOU FORGET LOKI CAN DO MAGIC SHIT? NOW YOU’RE STUCK IN THE GLASS CONTAINER

COULSON SAVE THOR! SHOOT LOKI DAMNIT- COULSON NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

glass cage go brrrrr

HA LOKI GOT FUCKIN SHOT BY COULSON BEFORE HE DIES( :( ) tony almost got minced by the engine thingys

im gonna cry coulson how dare your death make me sad :(( stupid heart breaking aftermath moments.

thor is stuck in a field, banner fell through the roof of a building. awh the security guard is so nice :) barton is a fucking mess right now “how’d you get him out?” “i hit you on the head really hard.” KSJSKKSSK

tony figured out lokis plan- ITS TAKING PLACE AT HIS TOWER? THE AVENGERS IS TAKING ACTION BABY LETS GOOOO

wait a fucking moment, the cards coulson has are covered in blood. so you’d think they were on him when he was stabbed- yet hill just said they were in his locker “they needed the push.” FURY YOU RUINED NEAR MINT VINTAGE COLLECTABLE CARDS TO MOTIVATE SUPER FREAKS???

o hi loki welcome to stark tower

“stalling wont change-“ “no no, threatening. no drink? ya sure? im having one.”

“i have an army.” “we have a hulk.” HE SAID IT, HE SAID THE LINE

HA LOKI CANT TAKE STARKS MIND BC HIS HEART IS SOME TECHY METAL CRAPKSJSKSJSKS- i guess choking and tossing him around works. so does throwing hik out a window

oh no the glowy cube just opened a portal for the army of seafood. they look like creatures from halo.

BROTHER FIGHT

CHAOS EVERYWHERE

PLANE DOWN PLANE DOWN

what the fuck just growled- HOLYSHIT THEY HAVE A SPACE LEVIATHAN. it looks badass ngl. loki redemption arc? nope he just stabbed thor.

SPACE BIKE GO BRRRRR

yes because arrows and guns will stop the, alien monsters with lazer arms. some how its working. “just like budapest all over again.” “you and i remember budapest very differently.” WTF HAPPENED AT BUDAPEST BARTON AND NAt, HUH?

cap just scared the shit outta some police men HAHA

“i have unfinished business with loki.” “yeah? get in line” barton is snarky right now. banner just rides up on a motercycle like “hi what i’d miss”

“im bringing the party to you.” stark says while being chased by a giant metal space whale who’s crashing and crushing everything in its path along a street

“thats my secret cap. im always angry.” FUCK YEAH BANNER MESS THAT SPACE WHALE UP. HE JUST PUNCHED A GIANT FUCKING WHALE THING.

the music, the avengers circling around. its amazing. well things are gonna get worse bc more space whales showed up

“and hulk. . . smash.”

LIGHT THEM FUCKERS UP, THOR. shield maybe instead of watching, maybe, oh i dont know. HELP THEM???

i dont know what else to say other then its alot of fighting and smashing alien faces into the ground

hulk and thor kicking ass on the back of a space whale is awesome. HULK WHY DID YOU PUNCH HIMSJSOSHSKJSKSJSKSKSKSK

i fuxking love when steve turtle shells behind his shield.

“director fury. the council has made a decision.” “i recognize the council has made a decision. but given its a stupid-ass decision, i have elected to ignore it.” fury never stop being awesome

loki thought he was so smug when he caught bartons arrow, then it blew up in his face. literally IKSKSKSKSKS

HULK FUCK LOKI UP! JSHSKSGKSHSJSHSJSJ HE JUST TOSSED LOKI AROUND LIKE A RAGDOLL “puny god.” “*pained wheezing from a smooshed loki*”

oh damn- OH DAMN, STARK. he just jonahed the fucking whale thing and blew it up from the inside. well now the city has a nuke coming for it :/

yall have a chance to shut the portal down, and tony, you want to go INTO that portal and throw the nuke in? wtf stark.

TONY GO BACK TO EARTH DAMNIT FUCKING BASTARD PASSED OUT. yay hulk saved his stupid ass. do cpr.? mayb.? or a hulk roar will wake him up KEJSKJSKSSKJS

tony. you just blew up a alien command center with a nuke, passed out and fell to earth through a portal. and you want, shawarma?

and now back to loki. “if its all the same to you, i’d like that drink now.” ISHSKSJSJSJSKSJSJ

STAN LEEE

the people love em. yey

council lady stfu about the avengers being a threat. they just said the earth and you’re worried about them going rouge??

“if we get into a situation like this again, what happens then?” “they’ll come back.” i mean theres three more avenger movies so i assume so. remodaling stark towers so its the avenger tower? neat!

NEXT MOVIE: IRON MAN 3

*MID CREDIT SCENE* oh hi again mr no eyes. do we get to see this HE? OH WE DO. o hi mr 10 chins

once again ignore the misspells it was three AM when i finally finished this and im just now rereading it

[aurorawest]

I used to adore that sweet deleted scene from Thor 1 where the brothers talk before the coronation. Until I remembered that Loki had already arranged for the Jotuns to ruin the coronation, and knew Thor wouldn’t become king. This hurts. And makes me wonder, was Loki lying when he said “I’ve looked forward to this day” and “never doubt I love you”? Or did he really mean it? He sure sounded sincere, but why would he mean such sweet claims when he’d already done an act of treachery toward Thor?

Oh this is so crunchy, thank you for the opportunity to talk about this. This got long, haha. Surprise!

First off, I’ve devoted a lot of time to thinking about this, to the point that it’s almost fair to say that everything I’ve ever written about Loki and Thor comes down to the dichotomy of what we see from Loki in this scene.

Sometimes, I’m…envious. But never doubt that I love you.

I’m not sure any one line sums up Loki’s relationship with Thor more than this one, and it is a damn shame that it was cut from the final film. Loki is a person, I think, who is very, very good at cognitive dissonance. That is to say, he can hold two (at least) different, contradictory thoughts in his head at the same time. And I think we all do this with the people we love, right? You love your family, but god, sometimes you hate them. I think it’s pretty clear through all of their appearances together that Loki loves Thor (ironically, when their relationship is in theory at its best, in Thor, we actually see it the least, because they cut all of the scenes that really show it).

The thing is, Loki doesn’t just love Thor. Thor is everything that Loki wants to be and feels that he can never possibly live up to. He admires him, but he’s also resentful. I’m going to quote a line from my own fanfiction, because it sums this up fairly well:

Normally it hurt, knowing that he’d never really had a chance. Not so much because he desperately wanted the throne. He didn’t. It had been made clear to him long ago that he possessed nothing that Asgardians valued in their kings. He just wanted to be valued, even if it didn’t translate into a crown. (Foundations, chapter 2)

Loki is bitter about his perceived Otherness (and he doesn’t even know the half of it yet). Everything in Asgardian society tells him he won’t be a good king, and because in his family, value and worthiness is intrinsically tied into the succession, this sets up this toxic situation where one child was always going to feel like the lesser one. I want to emphasize that this could have been Thor. And while I believe Loki can kind of intellectually see this, he’s a deeply sensitive, deeply emotional person, and his brain can tell him thing all day long. In the end, his heart is going to feel the pain of his inadequacy.

So that brings us to Thor. Thor is…kind of a scapegoat, I guess, for this situation. It would be great if Loki could recognize that he has strengths and he’s valuable for what he is, but he doesn’t, or can’t, not totally. It’s hard to have the confidence to buck society’s expectations and norms. Even if you do it in part (which he clearly does, e.g., with his magic), that doesn’t mean you’re willing or able to do it totally (in fact, I might argue that for some people, being able to stand up to the cultural norm in one instance might be a shield against admitting much deeper truths about yourself that would set you apart…hi, I think I just had a personal revelation). Then you have the added issue that for Loki, bucking society’s expectations is bucking his father’s expectations, and his father isn’t just his father, he’s also the king of Asgard. He’s the All-Father. He is, in Loki’s view, the most powerful person in the universe. Loki desperately wants his approval and validation. How many times do we hear him say that in Thor? So Loki can’t take any of this resentment out on his father because he just…can’t.

But he sure can take it out on Thor. Thor is his brother. Thor is someone he should be equal with. You know the truism ‘you hurt the ones you love?’ Thor and Loki are the perfect example of this. I very much think they take each other for granted. Which is where the cognitive dissonance comes into play. Loki loves Thor very much, and this is just a given for him—and not just for him, he would feel that it should be a given for Thor, as well. I think Loki holds these two truths in his head simultaneously: Thor will never not love him, and Thor will never love him. To shamelessly quote my own fanfiction again:  

…deep down, he had an unshakeable faith that Thor needed him. There was a toxic side to that, too—an unshakeable faith that he could get away with anything and that Thor would still be there. (an unpublished fic I’m working on called Sleight of Hand, chapter 9)

Thor represents everything Loki wants to be but can never be, and Thor will never reject Loki for dumping all his insecurities on him. At the same time, Thor maybe doesn’t really love Loki, so it doesn’t matter what Loki does, because he’s already lost this thing that he values so highly, which is Thor’s love.

(Side note, I firmly believe this is why Loki does shit like, ‘Don’t tell me it was that woman. Oh…it was. Well, maybe when we’re finished here I’ll pay her a visit myself!’ I don’t think that Loki intends to go to Earth and hurt Jane, not even for a second…but it’s going to make Thor angry if he says it, and it’s going to prove to Loki what he knew all along deep down, which is that Thor doesn’t love him and will fight him)

Anyway, I hope I’m putting it properly into words. It’s something I myself feel on a really visceral level, which is why I really connect with Loki as a character, but it’s hard to articulate.

Ruining Thor’s coronation is a garbage move by Loki, there’s no doubt about that. He says to Laufey:

That was just a bit of fun, really. To ruin my brother’s big day. And to protect the realm from his idiotic rule for a while longer.

I suspect that Loki’s actual motivations are closer to the last sentence here. You have to remember that Loki is lying to Laufey. His intention is to get Laufey to come to Asgard so he can kill him, serving the dual purpose of making himself look like the worthy son and getting revenge on the biological parent who abandoned him. I wrote about whether or not Loki wanted to go to Jotunheim in a recent ask, so I won’t rehash that here, but Loki’s goal is really to make Thor look like he’s not ready to take the throne.

But, that said, I also think that there would have been an element of fun to it. Loki thrives on chaos. A not insignificant part of him likes to start a fire and sit back to watch it burn. Plus…these are Asgardians. I definitely think that Thor would be Pissed Off if he ever found out that Loki had done this (he never does, unless Heimdall tells him, but I don’t think there’s any direct evidence of that? Correct me if I’m wrong, it’s actually relevant to one of my WIPs), but also, like, these people are living on a different level than we are. They stab each other and it’s no big deal. Had his plan worked out the way he’d thought it would—Frost Giants interrupt the coronation, Thor comes up with this dumb, reckless plan to go to Jotunheim, guard tells Odin where they’re going, Odin stops them and gets mad at Thor, Thor doesn’t become king for the foreseeable future—I think Loki would have laughed about it for weeks. He made his brother look dumb and he himself looked like the circumspect, smart son because he was against going to Jotunheim from the start. Obviously, that’s…not what happened. A whole other discussion, that one—Loki’s plans having unintended consequences.

At the end of the day, anon, I think you should continue to love that scene if you want to. It’s one of my favorites. Every time I watch it I curse the decision to cut it from the film because it gives so much more depth to the relationship. I have no doubt that Loki really loves Thor. Just look at his arc. In the end, Loki dies for Thor. Loki gives up the universe to try to save Thor. He’s just a messed up young man who is truly terrible at dealing with his emotions.

I’ll leave you with another quote from my upcoming fic, Sleight of Hand:

She raised her eyebrows right back. “Have you ever considered therapy?” When he furrowed his brow, she said, “Why am I not surprised that Asgardians don’t have therapy?”

[clownhara]

I've been following you for a while but I dont know all that much about your OCs so how about a big resume of them all?? :DDD

I haven't really posted much about them on this account until recently so that doesn't really suprise me 😅 but yeah I absolutely can! Warning though this is going to be unbelievably long

I guess I should start off with Zensuke because he is THE gay purple cat. I named this blog after this guy. I made him when I was probably like 12-13 or around there so he had all the things you'd expect a repressed edgy kid's of to have. He was basically a demon who managed to get out of thier world's equivalent of hell and instead of doing anything evil he just made cake and got married to the guard who was supposed to kill him. I don't really do much with him anymore but I still love him very much.

Corbinian is probably the character I talk most about and he's the one I edit to fit into different worlds the most. He was a normal doctor but he got his memory wiped by robots and ended up working as an executioner for the robotic mafia, but eventually got caught and had to hide out in Lobotomy (he was originally a Lobotomy Corp oc) where he discovered he can extract abnormality dna and with some altering the dna can be injected into humans causing a variety of different mutations and effects. He's usually very heartless and manipulative, but does have a soft spot, usually for anxious, soft spoken people, who subconsciously remind him of his brother (who is a friends if so I can't really get into him). He also was given a variety of nicknames by the higher ups, like Corb, Corn chip, Corb on the Orb, or just Corn. Je

Corble is the result of Corb trying out human cloning. He has the same general appearance as Corbinian, but with purple hair (hence the name, because he's porble corb) that's styled differently. Since the experiment was technically a failure Corb was going to kill him, but Corble was really sweet and innocent and Corb basically went "well great guess I adopted my clone then". Corb stopped messing with cloning but adores Corble.

Might as well get all of my Lobotomy ocs out of the way. Oliver is the first Lobotomy oc I ever made, which is funny because I may or may not constantly forget that he exists. Oliver is basically a five year old kid in an adults body, and I mean that literally, because his parents basically locked him in a room and ignored him so his mental age is basically that of a kids. He's very mischievous and loves pulling pranks on people, most of which are harmless. Unless it's Corb, whom Oliver gates with a passion. Then it's thinly veiled murder attempts disgusted as pranks. He loves Fairy tales, and only works with fairy tale abnormalities because he panics with any other kind. Only one person in the entire facility can even put up with him, and that's Mabel.

Mabel is trans lesbian who can find the good in almost anyone. She's optimistic, bubbly, and has a great sense of humor. She tends to get really flustered around women though. Is it obvious I kinda projected onto her a bit? Because I did. If she wasn't in Lobotomy she'd definitely be a streamer. I'm just now realizing I basically made snapcube before I knew who that was. Whoops.

Up next is Adam! Adam is quiet, nervous, and honestly just prefers to not be noticed. Their ability to almost seamlessly blend into thier surroundings is astounding. Most people (me included) tend to just forget they exist. Which honestly is funny because they end up dating the loudest, most cocky person in the entire facility. Adam loves horror movies and spicy food.

Kieth is the loudest, most cocky person in the entire facility. He's the adopted son of a sephirah and the leader of the Rabbit team so that much is unavoidable. He's quick to anger, blunt, and tends to underestimate other people. However, he's also loyal to a fault, and willing to back his friends up no matter what. He feels like his mom's are expecting him to live up to expectations that he can't (and that they don't have but he doesn't realize that), so he's constantly throwing himself in harm's way to desperately try to prove to them that they made a good investment by adopting him or die trying. His two passions in life are collecting weapons and tending to rabbits, two of which he managed to train to sit on his shoulders and attack people. Despite being total opposites he loves Adam very much and will endure any horror movie with them, even if he's a huge scaredy cat.

Damien doesn't gave that much development, unfortunately. He came from a very religious household, moved out, and frequently gets possessed by an abnormality who makes him act like a cryptid. Totally normal stuff. He also went to law school.

Zephyr is a very, very serious individual. They've got a completely monotone color palette, speak either in short, blunt sentences or long, fanciful paragraphs with no in between, and tend to come off as cold and stiff. They're completely devoted to work, which is how they managed to become a captain. Despite this, they're very kind and caring, but unfortunately rarely get to show that side of themselves unless it's with Jamison, thier partner, both in crime and in the romantic sense. They also have a love/hate relationship with Owen, basically openly hating his guts but also enjoys thier banter and would hate if anything genuinely awful happened to them or his family.

Jamison is the complete opposite of Zephyr. He's an open book, very colorful, and tends to slack of when Zephyr isn't looking. Not on purpose, he just tends to get distracted most of the time. He's quite popular because he's very cheerful, which is rare in the higher ranks of Lobotomy. He'd absolutely die for Zephyr, and us usually the one who patches thier wounds. He really doesn't like Owen and thinks thier a pain in the ass, but keeps that to himself most of the time.

Owen is..... Interesting. I kinda went buck wild with him not gonna lie. He's one of the oldest son's of the God of Nightmares and Fire, an absolute agent of choas, and a campy fashion nightmare. But... I love them. They're both unbelievably obnoxious and also very caring. He's the kind of character you'd love but also hate at the same time. He also ended up becoming the God of Death in one timeline. If he wasn't God they'd probably run makeup guru/cursed amsr YouTube channel. Honestly he'd still run those as a God though. Also gender is a toy store and Owen is a kid who broke in after dark and is running along pushing all of the assorted genders into a cart while laughing maniacally (they use any pronouns but I stuck to just he/him they/them for this little snippet)

Alright, Lobotomy ocs done. Up next is.... Ugh... Octavious. He's originally a Danganronpa oc, the shsl gossip, and he was made to be a villian and by God does it show. He's the most fake, back stabbing, two faced character I've ever made. He's also the most one dimensional, which was actually intensional. He has no personality beyond being a petty, lying bitch, so when he runs out of lies and rumors to spread he goes into an existential crisis about how he has virtually no identity until he makes some new lie up about some random person. He's also abusive towards his younger sibling Aspyn, whom he has both physically and emotionally scarred. And, the icing on the "fuck this guy" cake, he's incredibly obsessive over his "wife" Melissa, who wants nothing to do with him and never even dated him, let alone married him. Basically he's a horrible, lying, abusive stalker. He also dresses exclusively in eye burn pink since the most poisonous bugs are usually brightly colored. Fuck Octavious, all my homies hate Octavious.

Next is Melissa, who honestly wasn't much better before her arc. She was raised to believe that in order to truely succeed in life, you have to ensure others fail. She, unfortunately, took that advice to heart. Get arc consisted of learning that we all can succeed together and that actively fucking other people over just made her an awful person, so she changed her behavior and tried to help people from then on out. She's incredibly meticulous, organized, and really smart. She still has issues trusting, but she's getting better. She has a crush on Octavious's younger sibling, but absolutely despises Octavious.

Aspyn is a quiet, caring individual who has no confidence both due to Octavious and just how they were raised. They are an incredibly skilled doctor, however, managing to perform amazingly in several different fields. They are, however, very defensive about thier passions, quick to insult anyone who questions them, mainly due to Octavious. They have a huge crush Melissa, but is to afraid to ask her out. Also they wear an eye patch because Octavious messed up one of thier eyes.

Hooo boy where to start with Edward. He's really inconsistent between universes, but the main constants are his power (he can trade bodies with people), him and Max getting together, him being a huge bookworm, and somehow he usually ends up being my self inserts dad???? Hos other aspects tend to change. Sometimes he's a power hungry megalomaniac who's trying to take over the world and will crush anyone and everyone who gets in his way or isn't useful to him, using his power evily to stay young forever by trading bodies with his kids and killing them when they're in his body. Other times, he's a fairly calm, if not a little cold, man whos biggest crime is the occasional tax evasion, who's power is more of a curse, causing him to stay alive forever through a series of unfortunate coincidences. Either way he's fun to write

Max is one of my favorite characters. He loves baking, his friends and family, he isn't too bright but no one holds that against him. Unfortunately, no matter which side of Edward it is, he's hopelessly in love with him, which can lead to his downfall. He's very protective of his cousin Heron, and tries to protect the innocent, which he usually doesn't end up doing thanks to evil Edwards manipulation. I also somehow failed to mention he's a plant man and flowers sprout wherever he walks and he can control plants but I couldn't find a good way to fit that in naturally.

Heron is half a plant man, in the worst possible way. He has rose vines instead of blood, which feels exactly how you think it would. Magic keeps his alive luckily, but it's unbelievably painful. Most of him and Max's family died when they were young, and unlike Mac who ended up on the streets, Heron ended up in an orphanage, where he learned at a young age that he shouldn't get close to anyone because if he does, they'd die. He genuinely believes that, and the only person he thinks is immune, is his cousin Max, who he even still expects to drop dead. Heron mainly fights by breaking his skin so his vines will grow rapidly and trap and kill his attacker, which looking back is uh. Kinda symbolic. I didn't do that on purpose but it fits

Eden is an angel, who was outcasted from heaven after being framed for a crime they didn't commit. They don't understand how humans work, but is trying thier best to fit in. He's one of the few beings Heron trusts, and even still Heron doesn't trust them much because of Eden's ability, being able to control holy flames. Eden is stoic and aloof, with an odd sense of humor. He insists that him baking using his holy flames is a form of training. Despite them claiming to be above human emotions, they very much are not above them and he is actually quite emotional.

Avocado is one of Herons old friends, who fell victim to Herons "luck" (aka they died). They are a drider (basically spider centaur) who came from a large family of drider thieves. They are very quiet and kind, which they use to thier advantage, since one would thing they'd steal small objects from people's houses or pickpocket them, which Avocado very much does. While they're fairly weak in combat thier thieving skills are not to be underestimated.

Grape is Avocados older sibling, and they are very serious and quite rude. Grape wants to kill Heron to avenge thier sibling, but ends up getting caught robbing the wrong person and ends up having to join the person's kids adventuring party.

Apple is the oldest drider sibling, and ends up taking a motherly role for all of the younger kids. They had to grow up incredibly fast, and has to make all of the hard decisions in place of thier dying father. Desperately needs a break.

There's more spider siblings but there isn't much info on them

Both Sherry and Theodore Poser are mainly just there because I have them really fun designs and don't really have a personality. Sherry's kinda hard to draw though

[bethhxrmon]

All I Ask of You Pt. 22

“Congratulations. You have created a new kind of stupid. A ‘damage you can never undo’ kind of stupid.” - “Congratulations” from Hamilton

Pairing: Peter Parker x Female OC

Word Count: 2.8k

Summary: Some plot holes are filled up

Warnings: Rough writing maybe???

A/N: We’re getting to a new arc of plot so I would love to know everyone’s thoughts, don’t be afraid to talk to me!!!! Also, the masterlist of the series is in my bio due to the whole linking fiasco

The last day of school was more than welcome in Annie’s mind. After slogging through finals, she wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to make it. However, with the smallest amount of things sorted out, she couldn’t help feeling like things were getting put back into place. It wasn’t perfect and things were nothing like they used to be, but it was nice to still be around the people she had considered her friends.

MJ didn’t comment when she saw Annie talking to Peter and then Ned again. What was going through her mind, Annie was unsure. For all Annie knew, MJ was already completely aware of everything that happened. She was incredibly observant.

One last problem remained, Annie still needed to convince her parents to let her go across the country for what would likely end up being most of the summer. While she had a couple of ideas, a part of her was unsure if they would work.

“Hey… um, Annie? You there?” Peter asked, waving a hand in front of her face.

Annie blinked, sitting up, “Yep… yeah, um… how mad do you think Stark’s gonna be if I don’t go on that trip thing?”

“Wait… you’re going to? Pete, why didn’t you tell me?!” Ned exclaimed.

Annie shook her head, “Wait… you didn’t get the whole ‘I’ve been White Swan this whole time’ memo?”

“Nope. Peter, you owe me five bucks, though,” Ned said, smirking, “Anyways if you’re… then does that mean you… you doing okay?”

She shrugged, “Could be better, could be worse. But I really need to know.”

“Well… I don’t know. I think he said that he really needed you there. It’s kinda dangerous to have you over here,” Peter said before digging in his pockets, “Also, I think I’m broke right now, so you’re gonna have to wait, Ned.”

Annie rolled her eyes, “I can’t believe you two sometimes… but anyways, I’m just trying to figure out what I should do about it. Like, how should I go about getting my parents to agree… because there are a couple of ways I can go about this. You know, like, one very calm and convincing way and an underhanded, kind of rude way.”

“You’re gonna go with the rude way anyways, why try acting like you’re conflicted,” MJ said, leaning against the wall, “What’re you convincing them to do?”

Annie jumped a bit, “Oh, theatre camp. It’s all paid for, I just need them to agree.”

“Well, don’t have a whole mess like you did with Flash and you should be fine,” MJ replied, walking off.

It was true, if it didn’t blow up in her face, then Annie knew exactly what she had to do. She had a few convincing points that she had been holding onto mainly for the sake of hiding her superhero identity, and if she had to use the biggest one that would cause the most damage, she knew that she would have to use it at some point that day. No one else knew except for Ms. Salazar, her father, and now, herself.

There was no way her parents were going to agree to her going to Tahoe, and Annie was all too aware of that. How Peter and Ned were going, she had no clue. Peter wasn’t all that secretive or that great of a liar, if Aunt May knew, it wasn’t a surprise to her.

Then there was the fact that she wouldn’t get to see Harper until the end of the summer. Was that worth it? Sure, she would avoid Carnival for a couple months, but really that was only prolonging the inevitable. At the same time, it gave her an excuse to disappear and sort everything out that had happened. That was something she needed to do without her parents around and without the business of the city and seeing everything that was happening around her.

If nothing else, the last day went by smoothly, though she had to ensure that her plan wasn’t about to blow up in her face. She wasn’t going to have something like the Flash situation again. At the same time, there wasn’t any way for things to get much worse in her mind.

She’d already lost a friend, killed someone, almost completely destroyed her relationship with two of her closest friends, and almost got Peter killed. Not to mention that the villain she thought was on the backburner had popped up in the city she lived in. How much more unlucky could she be?

“Hey, Ms. Salazar, just wondering… you weren’t kidding or lying when you said my dad bribed you right?” Annie asked.

Ms. Salazar looked up and nodded slowly, “It was all true. Y-you’re not going to bring this up to anyone, right?”

“Now, that depends. Um… you see, you and my father are at fault, but you took the money-”

“Are you extorting me, Annika?”

Annie shrugged, “Depends on what you mean by extorting. I’m just stating facts, but out of curiosity… what’s the production for this upcoming year gonna be?”

“I don’t know that for sure yet, I still have to talk to the other teachers involved first. You wouldn’t really try to fire me, would you? I’m tenured,” Ms. Salazar stated.

Annie smirked, “That also depends on if you tell me what the production’s gonna be before everyone else knows. Look, you screwed me over throughout the whole production-”

“And you seemed fine then.”

“Well I decided your word of apology wasn’t enough. Here’s my email, thank you for your cooperation,” Annie replied with a sweet smile, leaving a sticky note on her teacher’s laptop screen.

Within a few moments the bell rang, and Annie walked out of the room with a small smile on her face. If she could get revenge on her teacher, she could convince her parents. She looked at Tony Stark’s contact information one last time. If she really wanted, she knew that there was a chance she could convince him to let her stay in New York.

Only, she didn’t want to stay in New York. What she would have to do is get Harper to meet up with all of them. If Ned got to tag along, it was only fair, and Tony hadn’t said no in the first place.

Peter caught up to Annie after school, “Hey, you good?”

“Never better, why?”

“You look like you’re about to commit mur- I shouldn’t joke about that… s-sorry, you look like you’re about to fight someone. Just… don’t do anything stupid,” Peter stammered, looking at her.

Annie chuckled, “Oh, no, what I’m doing is fucking genius. You want me going with you and Ned or not?”

“I do, but if you can’t figure something out without making things worse, we can work something out,” Peter insisted.

“No, I’m doing this my way. I’ve done a trial run, I’m at the best condition I can be to do some convincing.”

“Convincing or manipulating? Annie, I know you’ve been through a lot, but you shouldn’t take it out on your parents.”

Annie scoffed, “You weren’t there, were you? Right, you ditched me when things really went to shit, didn’t you? And I forgive you for that, but you don’t know what my life’s looked like since… everything. My parents watched me stay up until four in the morning on a school night. They let me go to school when I was throwing up out of anxiety. They left me alone when I was crying in my bedroom because I had no one. Whatever I end up saying to them, they deserve. Not everyone has a cool aunt like you do.”

“Okay… forget I said anything,” Peter said, looking at his shoes.

She shook her head, “Shit, Pete, I’m sorry… I just… it was hard, and it still is and… I shouldn’t take it out on you, that was the first problem, none of this is your fault.”

Peter turned around to pull her into a tight hug, “I-I know… but I don’t like that I left you alone when I kinda knew you weren’t doing great-”

“I was being a bitch. You had every right to ditch me for awhile. It’s okay, seriously,” Annie said, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

Even though they had only started talking again for not even a full day, Annie felt things were far better than they had been. They were doing more than just talking and a part of her was almost certain that Peter had the same complicated feelings she did. Only, she didn’t want to be with him if she was going to be irritable all the time.

Granted, it was between snapping or crying. She couldn’t do both and she didn’t want to cry because she knew once she started, she wasn’t going to stop.

Eventually Ned joined them and they headed back to their apartments just like nothing had happened. Well, except for Ned constantly asking Annie about her powers. It would have been annoying if it hadn’t been someone she liked talking to.

Of course, she had to get home at some point, and she was more than ready to talk to her parents. In her head while she was in the elevator to her floor, she was thinking over the points she was going to make.

Having one parent who was a lawyer and another who was a professor meant she had to outsmart them. Though, in that same line, Annie knew that she would have the element of surprise on her side. And maybe even added points of shock value if her mom didn’t know what was going on.

When she opened the door, she could tell her parents had been talking. The way they were suddenly sitting up so straight and still, almost as though they had been caught doing something they weren’t supposed to be.

“Aren’t you supposed to still be at school?” asked her mom.

Annie shook her head, “Nope. If you paid attention, you’d see it’s the last day of school. Meaning it’s summertime.”

“Now, don’t talk to your mom like that, she’s very busy,” her dad responded.

Annie set her bag down before sitting in the comfy chair across from her parents, “You’re one to talk… but never mind that. I have some super awesome news for you guys!” “Which is?” her mom prompted.

Annie sighed a bit, getting the words in her head again, “Well, you see, it just so happens that Peter works with Tony Stark, you know Stark Industries type of Tony Stark, and he loved seeing me play as Maria in West Side Story, claimed I had loads of potential. And you know what the best part is? Well, you see, he kind of offered to have me go to a prestigious theatre camp for most of the summer over in Tahoe.”

“Annika Clarissa Hardwick, we do not have the money that can be spent by you going to a camp for what’s going to be a hobby for you. End of discussion,” her dad snapped.

Annie nodded slowly, “Hm… is it really though? I wasn’t all the way done, you see, I told him that you don’t have any value for the fine arts despite claiming theatre would help to build my character. And you know what that amazing man said? He said that he would take care of all the expenses. Food, transportation, the camp, everything. You just need to say yes.”

“No. We can’t steal his money-”

“Carter, he’s a multi-billionaire. He could likely pay for everyone in that school to go and still have more than enough money to take care of himself. I don’t see why not,” her mom said with a shrug.

Her dad’s nostrils flared a small bit, “I will not have anyone feeding her information that she can ever be an actress.”

“Really? Do you mean that, Dad?” Annie asked, sitting up.

He nodded, “Yes, it’s impractical.”

“Okay, riddle me this: I got the lead role in a musical production where my teacher hated me and tried to prove my incompetence. She liked others better, and it was obvious. So… why did she give me the role at the end of the day? It’s a funny little thing, isn’t it?” Annie inquired, starting to stand up.

Her dad shifted a bit, “You must’ve gotten lucky. She’s not the only teacher casting.”

“Right. Maybe that was the case. I would have bought that if Ms. Salazar hadn’t apologized for her behavior. And then she said she only picked me because you bribed her, Dad. Now, excuse my language, but why the fuck would you bribe her like that if you wanted me to give up acting?”

“Wait. You what?! Carter! You did what?” her mom exclaimed, looking at her husband.

He sighed, “She wasn’t supposed to say. And it was just a high school production and I wanted to make things right after telling you about your birth. It was wrong and I have learned from my mistake.”

“But she’s getting an opportunity. If you didn’t want her to have it, then you should have thought of that before rigging her audition,” her mom replied, shaking her head.

His gaze hardened, “You’re not going. You’re probably lying about the whole camp so you can run off and do whatever you want.”

“Actually, let me call the man himself. He’ll clear everything right up for you,” Annie said, taking out her phone to call Tony.

All she could do was hope that he remembered that he promised to go along with whatever she came up with. And she waited with the phone on speaker as the dial tone rang out into the quiet living room.

“Stark Industries, Tony Stark speaking. Miss Hardwick, what can I do for you?”

Annie smirked, “It’s true that you said you were willing to pay for the acting camp over in Tahoe, correct? My parents were doubting the situation and are shocked.”

“Yes, of course, everything will be covered. You will leave to travel in a couple days and come back towards the end of August,” Tony explained, leaving Annie to hide her relief that he was playing along.

Her dad looked like his eyes were about to pop out of his head, while her mom’s jaw dropped, “We will take the opportunity! Thank you so much, Mr. Stark.”

“Anytime, your daughter is an amazing actress. Is that all?”

“Yep, thanks Mr. Stark, goodbye!” Annie said before hanging up the phone.

The room was silent for another moment, “You can’t just let her leave.”

“Why not? You guys keep me out of your situation so much so that you don’t pay me any mind. You won’t notice I’m gone,” Annie replied, looking at her dad.

Her mom sighed, “Carter, we need time to sort out our marriage too. We don’t want her over here having to deal with that. It’s for the best.”

“I’ll go pack my bags,” Annie said, walking to her bedroom and closing the door.

When she picked up her phone, she called up Tony again, hearing him pick up, “Hey, thanks for playing along.”

“This is some serious stuff, I’d be willing to say I was taking you to a church retreat if that’s what it took,” Tony replied.

“Either way… we’re leaving in a couple of days then? My friend… they won’t be here by then. Can’t we wait? They’re the closest thing to a sidekick I have,” Annie pleaded.

Tony sighed, “I told you, I’ll see what I can do.”

With that conversation at an end, Annie put her headphones in once she got irritated with hearing half of what her parents were saying. Their voices didn’t raise, but the occasional word standing out got to be too much for her, so she eventually started listening to some music.

Though, if she had listened harder, she could have heard what was being said.

“Elsa, you can’t seriously think that she’ll ever make it out there,” Carter Hardwick said, rubbing his eyes.

“I don’t get a say in that, clearly. You have done so much behind my back when you said you wouldn’t. And you keep talking about divorce like it’s the only way-”

“It is. We’re making this place toxic for her.”

“But staying apart won’t fix much either. So you know what? I’m going to prove that I love our daughter more than anything else. And you’ll have to deal with the fact that she is intelligent and witty, and you will let her take any opportunities given to her. Whether we’re living together or not, I don’t care that we adopted her. She is our kid and I won’t let her be deprived,” Elsa said, her lips in a thin line.

Annie didn’t hear what was said, rather she stuck to messaging Peter and Harper. She didn’t want to end up listening in on something she wouldn’t want to hear.

Taglist: @flushings-here​ / @gryfinpuffs​ / @gaypanda​ / @ijustdontknowsometimes​ / @lionsfandomsandbearsohmy​ / @thwipparker​ / @buzzinglee / @notimeforthemessenger / @lcy-thot / @twilightparker / @dolphinsarecuteandstuff

[mehlsbells]

I’ve written before about the myriad of things which would go into Perfect TV Pilot Bingo, including shows like Glitch and The Night Of which set up mysteries, shows such as Doctor Who which have mini-pilots every few seasons, even TV shows which shoot a mid-season episode first to sell the show but still need to make their actual first-airing episode work as an introduction.

Let’s take a look at Stumptown‘s pilot and how it functions to deliver an incredible amount of information in a very short space, while serving a self-contained story and setting up the season’s arc.

The cold open establishes the iconic PORTLAND sign before panning to two tattooed heavies driving a car mostly held together with duct tape and curse-laden invocations. In a moment we’ll discover they don’t mind beating strangers unconscious and stuffing them in a trunk, but first the show is going to plant tongue-in-cheek: the criminals ruminate on coffee tasting notes before sing along to Sweet Caroline which distracts them as Dex escapes from the trunk and fights for control, launched the car off a bridge. This tells us Stumptown is happy to fight small and dirty but throw a little money at old-school stunts. Casting helps, too, the singing heavies reminiscent of 101 Dalmations and Home Alone hired muscle.

The credits card is stylised in a nod to the source material, then the next scene pulls a classic “three days earlier.” This device is a gimmick to wring the most bang-for-buck out of an action sequence, or easily set up a ‘how did they get here’ mystery (Breaking Bad‘s favourite use), but it works here both because a pilot is almost expected to pull this sort of stunt, and because it pulls a fakeout later (more when we get there).

Three days earlier, a detective sits in a bar drinking whiskey. So far, so typical. Dex being played by Cobie Smulders, she’s immediately hit on by a smarmy out-of-towner, and her response is a doozy of character and exposition. The first scene briefed us on Dex’s resourcefulness, good taste in distressed denim jackets, and ability to fight with a seatbelt and fire extinguisher, but this is the first real sense we get of Dex as a person. Within 90 seconds we learn she has a quick-patter repartee and strong deductive reasoning, is a military veteran who served in Afghanistan, speaks at least one other language, and doesn’t tolerate smarmy pricks.

The scene itself is a version of the Sherlock Holmes Introductory Scene. Every Sherlock Holmes adaptation gives Sherlock a reason to show his powers of deduction, and many contemporary detective shows follow suit. Take the two most recent TV adaptations: Sherlock introducing John and Watson in a medical lab which underlines John’s bonafides while establishing Sherlock’s macabre fascinations. Elementary leads Joan to Sherlock’s screen-filled living room (the better to inform us how this modern Sherlock consumes visual data) before quickly getting to a crime scene (the better to show off both his deduction powers, and Watson’s medical knowledge).

Point being, showing Dex’s powers of observation is important, but location can convey information, too. Dex gets hit on by McDouchy at Whispering Winds Casino, which isn’t just for production design’s sake. The casino bar allows the show to seamlessly transition to Dex gambling, which gives her one of the multiple character flaws all noir detectives must be in possession of, and also good reason to be called into a back room for a chat with casino owner Sue Lynn . . . who happens to have an existing and somewhat prickly relationship with Dex.

Sue Lynn gives us more specifics about the broad strokes we already got; Dex is in more debt than just losing at craps in the prior scene; not only was Dex in the military, but specifically military intelligence; Dex dated Sue Lynn’s son. All this comes in the midst of a conversation where Sue Lynn sets up the episode’s central mystery by asking Dex to find her granddaughter Nina.

Dex drives home, accompanied by a perfectly serviceable establishing shot with her beat-up car we’re familiar with, and greets her brother Ansel. Family in unusual iterations feels like it’s going to be a running theme with this show, but Ansel also serves to remind / guilt Dex about needing a job. Ansel provides our first sense of how the theme of family will run through this show, and also a fantastic selection of Portland Timbers gear.

After calling Sue Lynn to accept the job, Dex spends an appropriate amount of time in her appropriately-cluttered kitchen staring wistfully at a picture of herself and a handsome man we can infer is her ex and Sue Lynn’s son. How much Dex is driven by debt and how much by nostalgia / sense of duty / obligation / love we don’t know yet, but that’s setting up a season and character arc question: for this episode, all that matters is Dex takes the case.

And to reiterate, we cut to Grey setting up his bar and giving Dex (but mostly the audience) a ‘so let me get this straight’ reset. They also establish their rapport and Dex’s noir detective proclivity for alcohol.

Less than ten minutes and we’ve received an incredible amount of information, gotten a feel for the tone, and met some characters who, while it’d be a stretch to call them ‘colourful’ since they’ve only had a couple lines, are at least sketched out enough to make them entertaining.

Now Dex heads off to start cracking the case. Because the pilot has a lot of other work to do, this case is simple, mostly serving to show off Dex’s street smarts. The opening car bit showed Dex’s physical resourcefulness, this scene lets Dex play mental games, egging a witness to call Nina then driving around the block before snatching the witness’s unlocked phone. On the phone is a picture of a motel, where Dex goes and – with a little elbow grease and disregard for protocol and procedure – finds Nina and Nina’s dumb boyfriend.

Driving Nina back to the casino, Dex is rear-ended and beat up by two thugs who run off with Nina. From the moment the little guy hits Dex we assume they’ll take Nina and put her in the trunk along with Dex: the bad guys often take our hero’s car, plus we remember the opening sequence from a mere 13 minutes before, so it seems obvious . . . but then they don’t. This tells us not too assume too much, that there’s another twist to come.

Before that twist, Dex is going to meet a very Hot Detective, get questioned up at the station by said detective and Chief Camryn Manheim Lieutenant Cosgrove, get bailed out by Grey, realise something is Very Wrong with Sue Lynn’s statement, double back to talk to the dumb boyfriend, and find a food truck cook named Tookie to get some info on who might have it in for Nina and/or Sue Lynn.

Quick pit stop; Tookie and Dex’s casual rapport and exposition friendly banter about that one time Dex helped out as line cook establish Tookie is clearly an old friend, but he’s also got a lot of knowledge of Portland’s grimy ongoings. Though this is the only time we see him in the pilot, he has clear Recurring Character Vibe and establishes his usefulness by giving Dex a lead (and some legit tasty hot sauce).

  At the nightclub Tookie pointed her towards, Dex runs into a bouncer whose name she misremembers; this establishes her penchant for casual sex, which sets up another scene with Hot Detective in just a few minutes. The bouncer isn’t just there to let Dex banter, he lets the story show us something about who she is.

A little misunderstanding about a hot car which riffs lightly on various noir / procedural tropes, a little grand theft auto via driving in a small space, and Dex goes back to Sue Lynn to return her cash advance. While the scene lets her get a bead on the fact Sue Lynn was lying, it also gives us a picture of her Ideals, which all stubborn noir detectives have varying degrees of, which often operate in shades of grey* but which they hold to tightly.

Leaving the casino, Dex experiences PTSD flashbacks to her military stint. While we don’t need to be reminded of her service again, this reminds us she’s got a heavy mental load, which underlines the emotion of a gut-punch which will get served by Hot Detective approximately 60 seconds later, just after a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am round of sex is PG-13ly insinuated.

The dialogue bridging* ‘post-coital flirting’ and ‘reminder that you blame yourself for your ex-boyfriend’s death by IED’ is . . . well, I knew Michael Ealy was attractive and talented, but I didn’t know he was a magician. He actually manages to make the scene work, with just a little assistance from a perfectly fitted black t-shirt.

The remainder of the story is mostly about wrapping up the Nina mystery. No surprise: Dumb Boyfriend is a bad guy. Slight surprise: the cops actually manage to do something helpful to our detective. No surprise, Dex gets to be belligerent and pretend to Not Care while actually Caring Very Much. Day saved, Dex goes to Grey’s bar where she toasts with her tiny chosen family, and just before the closing shot, Hot Detective shows up to give her a case which ‘may help keep her out of trouble’ and definitely will launch a season’s worth of sleuthing storylines.

You’ll notice every scene does something to establish tone, tell us about character(s) and their relationships to each other, tells us about Dex’s backstory / personality, and forward the episode’s central mystery. A few scenes only do three of the four, but that’s still plenty.

If this post feels very “then this happened, then that” – it is. A pilot is often paint-by-numbers because it has a lot to accomplish. You don’t need to mess with proven formulas, just make sure the characters and story, and the cinematography and wardrobe and actors you paint them with, are fascinating enough.

  Stray Observations

*pun intended

– Dex and Ansel’s ‘hey sis’ and ‘hey sib’ is the most eye-rollingly-obvious bit of exposition, especially since ‘sis’ was enough. I’d even buy ‘Sib’ was a slip of the tongue / actor’s nickname, but they sure didn’t ADR it.

– In addition to giving Soccer City continual plugs, Ansel’s love of soccer is an easy device to have him wherever the story needs; in this case, kicking a ball just out of danger when Dex gets abducted. Clever.

– I’d kill to see them include some Thorns gear in Ansel’s mix. Plus, a Christine Sinclair jersey would continue their wink to Cobie Smulders’s Canadian origins (they riff on this further in Ep 2).

– The backseat of Dex’s car is covered not only in unpaid parking tickets, but empty energy drink cans and cassette tapes. Props to the set dressers who also had to set up a bar before-and-while it opened, multiple rooms of Dex’s house, a skeezy motel, a casino backroom, and more.

– My favourite running gag is the number PORTLAND’S BEST ESPRESSO claims:

#Stumptown's pilot is the perfect Economy of Storytelling example. I've written before about the myriad of things which would go into Perfect TV Pilot Bingo…

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 83, December 2017

On Monday morning, Mum and I did the annual tradition of visiting the Myer Melbourne Christmas Windows and the Myer Christmas Giftorium in the city. Firstly, we went to have lunch at the 1932 Cafe & Restaurant on Collins Street. The cafe is located inside the Manchester Unity Building which is a throwback to the 1930’s Art Deco architectural style. The service and food at the cafe were both excellent. Mum and I ordered the Golden Gaytime Hotcakes with a serving of rockmelon, strawberries and blueberries. So good! http://manchesterunitybuilding.com.au/...

Next we walked over to the Melbourne Town Hall and saw the incredible (and edible) display that was the Gingerbread Village by Epicure. All of Melbourne’s iconic locations including the Melbourne Zoo, MCG, Luna Park, Albert Park lake, Flinders Street station and Federation Square had been made out of gingerbread in miniature model form. It was very detailed with lots of LED lights and people placed into each location. https://whatson.melbourne.vic.gov.au/...

After this, we ventured onto Bourke Street to check out the Myer Christmas Windows. This year’s theme centered around Elf who is trying to fit in and have the “perfect Christmas” but sadly always seems to be out of place in the world. The story is about being able to embrace and be okay with your individuality and imperfections when it comes to celebrating Christmas. Being a Monday, the queue for the windows was pretty tolerable and we had plenty of time to enjoy looking into each of the windows. https://whatson.melbourne.vic.gov.au/...

Heading up to Level 6, Mum and I had a browse through all the Christmas decorations, ornaments, cards, wrapping and stockings inside the Giftorium. Despite having a 40% off sale, most of the items were very overpriced but being Myer, I was far from surprised. Hence why this is a once-a-year trip because it’s generally out of my price range. However, I did pick up the latest Spirit of Christmas CD featuring all Australian artists including Guy Sebastian, Paul Kelly, Anthony Callea and The Wiggles.  https://www.myer.com.au/c/promotion...

On Tuesday morning, I had to say my final goodbyes to my 1998 Hyundai Excel Glx as I got the car towed away by Metro Car Removals in Dandenong. The worker seemed really disgruntled and annoyed especially when he discovered that my car won’t start at all. To say that I was feeling intensely uncomfortable would be an understatement. He opened up the bonnet to check the oil cap and radiator, shaking his head and giving off negative body language. Part of me thought the worst...that he wouldn’t even bother taking the car away.

He said he could only offer me 50 bucks. I took the offer because I just wanted to get it over with and didn’t have the energy to argue with him. I actually felt a little heartbroken watching my old car being pulled onto the tow truck. I got myself emotionally attached to it because it was part of my life for 6 years. It was just a massive relief that he actually took the car. I didn’t really care about the money so much.

On Tuesday afternoon, Mum and I went down to the Springvale Botanical Cemetery to visit her parents and my grandparents. It’s hard to believe that it’s been 15 years since my Granddad passed away and almost 4 since my Grandma passed away. It really helps to put things into perspective and appreciate how valuable your life is. Mum played a couple of Christmas songs from her phone and we placed two bunches of Dahlias into the plastic floral vases on the marble headstone.

On Thursday morning, I had some last minute errands and shopping to do at Cranbourne Park Shopping Centre and Casey Central Shopping Centre. I swear you really have to be careful driving on the roads at this time of the year especially. Drivers can just be so rude, impatient and careless. And don’t even get me started on shopping centre car parks. People reverse without looking, cut you off, don’t stop or tail gate you. Hence why I purposefully drive cautiously and get my errands and shopping done as quickly as possible.

On Thursday afternoon, I had my last appointment with my counsellor Ruth at Piece Together Counselling in Narre Warren. Today’s session was about reflection and acceptance. The past month has been chaotic to say the least and I’ve had to be okay with many things including writing my car off, dealing with financial issues, opening my first VCAT case, the stress and pressure of retail during the Christmas period and not being able to fit in as many fitness classes as I’d like this week. I think I’m learning to cut myself some slack and realise that I’m doing well when it comes to coping with the above.

Ruth also asked me about my goals for 2018. Honestly, I wasn’t feeling very mindful or focused about it but I do have a few important ones in mind. Travelling is a big one for me, to get out of my comfort zone, gain more independence and confidence, experience the world outside of where I live. In terms of my fitness goals, I’m still uncertain at this point but I do need to find a better sense of balance and figure out which trainer and gym will be a good fit for me. I also really need to buy myself a new car early in the new year.

There’s also the prospect of volunteering at an animal shelter of some kind, looking after domestic pets and getting some hands-on experience. Essentially trying to find what I have a real passion for. My blog writing and reviews could also be explored further next year and hopefully open up bigger opportunities. This year’s been one of experimentation and whilst I’ve made mistakes, I don’t regret any of it because it’s made me stronger, wiser and better.

On Friday morning, Mum and I both had haircut appointments with Katrina at Creative Hair Design in Narre Warren South. We spent about 1.5 hours catching up on the past month leading up to Christmas. Katrina’s dog Austin was boisterous and overly excited as usual but he did like a good pat whilst Tess was content just lying down in the corner near the front door.

Next I had my last appointment for the year with Dr. Yasmin Baliz at CNS: Comprehensive Neuropsychological Services in Narre Warren. Today we discussed options for the Autism Spectrum Disorder services that I could possibly look into for next year. This included several support group with Aspergers Victoria (For Young Adults) in Blackburn who hold meetings every month at a community centre. Yasmin informed me that they also organise social activities such as indoor rock climbing which could help me in the area of social development and self confidence. http://www.aspergersvic.org.au/our-...

We also talked about the NDIS (National Disability Scheme) which provides support and funding to those who are formally diagnosed on the Autism spectrum. Yasmin provided me with some information about planning my pathway, goal setting and getting my application ready for next year. The Casey-Cardinia area will be able to access the services by the start of September, 2018. It was all very overwhelming but also very helpful advice as it could help me gain more skills and independence for my future. https://www.ndis.gov.au/about-us/ou...

In the afternoon, I dropped into work for the Team Christmas Lunch. I ended up getting a large bag of Cadbury selected chocolates from our Kris Kringle which I was really pleased about. I also caught up with a few workmates in the tearoom and down in the cafe before heading off to Eden Rise. Sadly, it was far too busy to get a massage done today at Best Body Massage but by this point, I was well and truly exhausted. I could feel that I was burning the candle at both ends and needed to just go home and rest.

On Friday night, I went to the Full Moon Meditation held at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. If ever there was a time I needed to meditate, tonight was it. The moment my head hit the pillow, I was ready to doze off. Just felt so good being still and doing absolutely nothing for 45 minutes. The music was a mixture of beautiful Zen vibrations and birds chirping which was calming to listen to. Instructor Michelle guided us through the usual deep breathing, deep muscle relaxation and guided imagery of the Japanese garden and temple. https://www.trybooking.com/book/eve...

I hope that everyone has a wonderful time with family and friends on Christmas Day!

“It's the most wonderful time of the year. With the kids jingle belling and everyone telling you be of good cheer. It's the most wonderful time of the year. It's the hap-happiest season of all. With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings when friends come to call. It's the hap-happiest season of all. There'll be parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting and caroling out in the snow. There'll be scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of the Christmases long, long ago.” Andy Williams - It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year (1963)

“And all of this happens because the world is waiting. Waiting for one child. Black, white, yellow, no-one knows. But a child that will grow up and turn tears to laughter. Hate to love, war to peace and everyone to everyone's neighbour. And misery and suffering will be words to be forgotten, forever.” Johnny Mathis - When A Child Is Born (1976)

“Joy to the world. The Lord is come. Let earth receive her King. Let every heart prepare Him room. And heaven and nature sing. And heaven and nature sing. And heaven and heaven and nature sing.” Mariah Carey - Joy To The World (1994)

[genforwardlegacy-blog]

This and more at http://genforward.org/blog.php

How Did We Ever Survive?!?

I look at the way life is today, and the way children are handled not only in my own house, but it seems most others round here. Then I look back at the way things were when I grew up and you know what, it may be amazing that I survived childhood, but the outcome is totally different in terms of self-confidence, independence and resilience.

The trend today seems to be to treat children more like they are fragile little flowers, with parents swooping in to deliver a hug or wipe a nose or whatever depending on the “disaster” at hand. When I was brought up, things might have been like that for the first three, MAYBE 4 years, but that was it. At 5 we were chucked off to “Play School”, with a bunch of other uncoordinated accidents waiting to happen, and basically given the ammunition to wreak havoc.

Blocks and sand are clearly meant to be thrown, plastic shovels and hammers are clearly designed to be bounced off another child’s cranium, and I assure you, even after the hospital visit, I was still convinced that the “ride on” fire engine was 100% supposed to be ridden down the slide (you will be amazed at the velocity a 5 year old can reach when on a wooden slide at 45 degrees with no friction from the plastic wheels), and into the group of children finger painting. The flaw in the plan, was never making it to the children, due to the faceplant that occurred at the bottom of the slide.

We were of course supervised, but that involved a few harassed mums, dragging screaming kids apart, whilst trying not to drop too much ash on them from the lit cigarettes they had in their mouths. Yes there were tears when we got smacked for the end result of our latest great idea, but 5 minutes later we were over it and off trying to insert Lego up both nostrils.

Things didn’t get much better as we got a bit older. Many happy afternoons were spent playing “war” in the local woods. Plenty of opportunities for falling out of trees, getting stung, or taking a heavy impact from a grenade (aka rock).

Then we would go rummaging about in the local dump and drag out mattresses that a drunken homeless person wouldn’t even think of sleeping on. They were ALWAYS wet, either from the rain or from where the fire department had last been called out to extinguish someone’s latest attempt to reenact Joan of Arc’s last big day out. They would also stink, be full of holes, have pounds of various filings leaking out of then, and of course, to top off the ensemble, plenty of protruding rusty and broken springs.

Of course the only possible use for these was to pile them at the bottom of a tree, climb up, and see who could jump from the highest branch. The winner was obviously the one who made it second highest. The one who really pushed the envelope and went from the actual highest branch would in fact generally, break the envelope, and a leg, or maybe skull.

During a temporary hiatus in the tree jumping activity (we had to let things cool off for a couple of weeks after each time someone took a trip to intensive care), we discovered another use for the mattresses. By this point I was probably 7 or 8, so me and all my friends were getting brave on bikes, we had done the no hands (no brains) bit and were now moving onto jumps.

Now, when I say bikes here I’m not talking todays’ lightweight BMX type things. I’m talking 1970’s bikes, build to last from steel girders and rivets. My brother had a “Grifter”, which was probably best suited to the purpose of jumping. I had a “Dolphin”, which was probably best given to a friend so they could go and ring for the ambulance in advance.

Given the time we’re talking about here, Evel Knievel was kind of a big deal and I guess we were just mimicking a hero so it was clearly all his fault. Maybe we had all missed the bit at the end of the jump where he nearly lands it and then promptly proceeds to break another 37 bones, to the cheers of the crown and the blaring of the ambulance sirens.

Anyways, our jumps were not the scientifically worked out type, more the trial and error type. Again, pushing to find the edge of the cliff, by getting more outlandish till someone fell off. We would drag up a collection of pieces of wood of varying lengths and thicknesses, and a small collection of bricks and breeze blocks. Pile up the bricks, balance a board on them. Line up the next crash test child on a bike 100 yards down the street, and away we go.

After varying minor injuries perfecting the correct length and thickness of wood, so that it didn’t just bend and leave you to crash into the bricks, launching head over heels into the waiting punji stick mattress, we had something that was working. Then it was a case of adding bricks for height.

We next discovered the radical instability of a single pile of bricks when stacked 5 or 6 high and asked to support a child and bike on a ramp. Fortunately every child’s system was always coursing with fresh tetanus jabs in the 1970’s. Eventually we had a construction system that would let us have a 5 or 6 brick ramp that would only have about a 50% chance of collapsing on impact, and we were green lights for the distance competition.

We were not sure how many mattresses we’d be able to clear, if any. So, for safety, we used local children instead. Lying them down side by side and convincing them that if they lay still they had a good chance of seeing their next birthday. If they moved they would be hit in the face by a front tire. Most of them stayed still, especially after they saw what happened to the first one who moved.

We were managing 7 or 8 children quite comfortably. Strangely there was always a degree of reticence to be the last one on the line whenever we added to the number of children we were attempting to clear, but we were in a good place. Then it all went wrong.

One of the younger kids (he was about 5) who had been watching/being jumped over, decided he wanted a go. I guess he’d been inspired by our heroism and hadn’t noticed all the blood.

Off he went and came back with his lime green “Boxer” (we really should have stopped things at this point but I was too busy trying not to pee myself laughing), which is kind of a miniature version of my brother’s Grifter. In the right hands it might have made it. And if it had had maybe an engine or something to power the 12” wheels.

To his credit, he did show enthusiasm on the approach; those little legs were a blur. He looked very intense as he hit the bottom of the ramp, then kind of surprised as he left the take-off end. I’m really not sure he ever actually had the speed to have made the jump anyways, but he certainly lacked the form required to have any chance of survival intact.

Experience had taught us more professional jumpers to keep our weight back a bit so that we landed rear wheel first. This kid didn’t have experience, so after lazily climbing in the air, he leant forward, now looking genuinely panicked (I guess he may have started to figure out things were not going to plan), and aimed his front wheel squarely at the middle child in our “Row of Death”.

It never ceases to amaze me, the speed at which a child can move from a lying position when they are about to be landed on by crying 5 year old on a 200 pound bike, but they all made it. This fortunate turn of events meant that we only needed the one ambulance. Evel Knievel in miniature would have made his idol proud.

He landed at an angle of about 45 degrees, front wheel first. Momentum and his body position helped hurl him over the handlebars (we all conceded that if we’d counted where HE landed and not the bike he’d have made the required 8 child jump distance by miles), where he could then slide down the rutted pavement on his face, just like he was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon (the old good ones not the junky new ones).

There was quite a lot of blood, snot and tears when we finally peeled him off the floor. He’d managed to jam a few of his teeth through his top lip and out the other side. Obviously we were all fascinated but figured that we may now be “In Trouble”, which in the 1970’s meant, about to get hit. We quickly kicked all of the boards and bricks into the woods, and the bravely sent him home to his mum, having sworn him to secrecy.

Should have known it, the git blabbed. Of course I got it with both barrels as I was, “the oldest and should know better”. At then end of the day it was just a couple of stitches and a minor bit of scarring. The kid was ok as well. (Joke alert! It really wasn’t that bad of a beating considering we had nearly killed someone).

Anyway, I tell this story not because it’s extreme, but because I have hundreds of them. There was no nanny state. Boys were boys, and went out and had scrapes and adventures. Some survived into adulthood. I just feel that when I look at the kids of today, I was so much different. Far more independent, far more resilient for sure.

Yes we got knocks and bruises and, yes, some of us actually did get hurt badly, but everyone I know survived. Have we gone too far in being protective of our kids? I dunno. Maybe it also had a lot to do with the fact that in the UK we had free healthcare for all so parents were more worried about you ripping up your clothes than the holes in your legs.

Maybe 500 bucks plus for every visit to A+E might have changed attitudes. I have to admit, I think about it when I can see my boy creating an accident waiting to happen, no matter how much I think I’d like him to learn a lesson, the thought that the lesson is going to cost me as well tends me towards fiscal caution.

I think my parents would have gone bankrupt.

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