#this is unrefined af just take it

[allgoldenelite]

idk if this makes any sense, but.

so recently, i've seen the following interpretation floating around: whenever kenny talks about don being family in his promo and stuff, and whenever he makes it clear that BCC crossed a line now because they hurt somebody who can never reasonably consent to what the elite is used to, he is in reality not talking about don at all, or at least, the work is commenting on kenny lying or using don as a sort of mental scapegoat for the people he actually cares about [insert names here, in this case from most people i have seen it being hangman], because this is juxtaposed with kenny accepting the screwdriver from matt (who says "for hangman?").

and it made me think.

because a) there's precedent for this: especially as a heel (right now i'd say the elite are in the process of being faces again), kenny has a tendency to avoid (especially the names of) people close to him, or transpose the pain or caring he associates with those people onto something else (championships, matches, other responsibilities). everyone remembers "AJ styles, prince devitt, and who?" but there are a couple of other examples. notably, as the collector, he put so much emphasis on him and don; it was always "me and don, we are family", "don this, don that", instead of mentioning or talking what was really going on (his tensions with the bucks). later this would even spill onto other characters (saying that him and the good brothers make a really good trio/team, which is just explicit enough to pass as commentary on kenny's avoidance of the bucks at that point).

and b) i feel almost like if this were another medium, like a theater play or a book, there could very reasonably be a twist that don isn't real. that his existence is a product of kenny's psyche as he tries to avoid confronting reality (sort of like some apparitions in silent hill). that by focusing so much on don, it's easier for kenny to blend out the things that would cause him to otherwise shatter into a million pieces. he always styled himself as an "unstoppable android", and a machine needs a version of reality parsed through its OS that allows it to march on in spite of how frightening the actual happenings behind the veneer of said OS are. in a way, it could be said that don is kenny's OS rn. don is still his own person who does things kenny wouldn't do or doesn't do things he would do, but it would imo fit with kenny's arcs that often thematically feature isolation and self-hatred, to "invent" a companion who has totally always been your bestest buddy since you were 6 years old and played the invisible strings to help you be where you are now.

don entered the stage as a true character in the elite's story around the jericho feud back in new japan, but it wasn't until the collector that he was heavily cemented by kenny as an important existence, someone whom he had secretly plotted with "for years" in order to orchestrate his belt-hunting run (among other things), and by then he began interacting with other characters in way that deviated from our then current understanding of kenny's morals and ideas, despite how close the two claimed to be. i've written before about how to me, the collector is a paradoxical being and the final manifestation of all the ugly and dark parts inside kenny that he couldn't exorcise, "much, much worse" than the cleaner could ever be. think if the cleaner is a juvenile street thug, the collector is the boss in his penthouse making a fortune off of people's suffering.

but, it's important to remember that kenny isn't fundamentally evil. he has gone on record in character to state that it was his own fear of confronting his darker feelings about ibushi that pushed him towards joining bullet club and turning into the "pitch-black devil" he became. heartbreak makes a villain, etc. it's not that boilerplate simple, humans are complicated beings even (especially) in wrestling, and that is also true for kenny's story in AEW, which started to take a turn for the worse as soon as he started tagging with hangman. the collector is paradoxical because he both wants to and doesn't want to exist, because he thinks the things he's doing are necessary and cruel at the same time, because he desires what he fears and fears what he desires (finding true fulfillment in tagging, hangman becoming champion, corrupting the bucks, the list goes on). it would make sense to me if such a being required a mental shield to focus on and withstand the pressure of the two sides of the paradox constantly pulling at your psyche, threatening to destroy it. as it fits within his own machinations, don is the perfect candidate for that.

now, this isn't to say i think kenny is going to turn heel again because there is an increased emphasis on him and don "being family" again. it's just a piece of the text that i find interesting to analyze. even if kenny doesn't turn, in order to inflict upon BCC the brutality that they inflict on people you care about, you have to go to some pretty dark places. and every time kenny does go to such places, the past has shown that he pushes others away so that his true feelings—kindness, compassion, an arrogance that's more a beautiful sibling of pride than an ugly child of hurt—do not get in the way. it just depends on how he emerges on the other side once said brutality is inflicted.

either way, i have to imagine that under normal circumstances, when/if (?) the thing happens that finally tips the bucket over and causes kenny to shake off all that hair dye from 6 years ago and see don for the fucked up manipulator of himself and his friends that he is, it's going to deal a pretty heavy blow to him. it's not too dissimilar to an abusive relationship: from the outside it's so easy to see and go "oh this guy is a grade a asshole, they need to dump him already", but when you're in it, it's everything but easy.

i say normal circumstances because i have a feeling that the way this is actually going to be resolved in the work is going to involve some kind of hook that if not fully, at least partially avoids such shattering of the mind. that could be a number of things: the "betrayal" (really that's been going on for years, but see above) being so brutal and surprising that kenny's mind snaps right from heartbroken into justified, or the situation involving a bright light that makes it much easier to bear. i'll leave it up to you to decide who or what that's gonna be.

thanks for coming to my ted talk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[aberooski]

The problem with my brain having been obsessed with knowing what fictional characters' singing voices sound like since I was a little kid, and especially now that I'm a vocalist as an adult, is that I can't listen to hardly anything without that voice in the back of my head being like "oh this sound. This specific moment in this specific verse or chorus or whatever. That's specifically what xyz character(s) would sound like!" And I hyperfixate on that for the rest of my life and I craft so many headcanons 😭

That being said, when he's singing seriously Atticus has an incredible voice argue with the wall. Atty has a very wide range but his voice really lives and thrives in the mid range. But he likes to sing higher pitches whenever he gets the chance and is very good at harmonizing. When he gets Chazz to sing with him he always let's Chazz take the melody as often as possible and harmonizes over him. He also plays like every fuckin stringed instrument and hosts weekly campfire jams for the J-Squad to unwind and hang out and de-stress ☺ he always schedules them around his and Chazz's Saturday night sleepovers so they never miss one 😌

Chazz can also sing but doesn't discover it until Atticus gets him to sing with him during like a campfire jam session or one of their regular hangouts. His voice is best suited for more mellow, slower songs like me wow wonder why I headcanon that 🙄. and everyone is very impressed by his vocals, but he gets huffy and embarrassed whenever anyone compliments his voice. In my head his vocal range is on the lower to mid range side and has a very nice rasp to it, especially on the lower pitches where it's a little more prevalent and compliments Atty's voice so they blend very well.

Jaden has the perfect pop punk voice. Just the perfect tone and range, perfectly unrefined sound for it too. But if anyone asked he would shrug and say he couldn't sing. Of course he can, but he doesn't particularly think he's all that good and doesn't really care if he can or not, it's not that important to him like card games are so he'd rather not call attention to it askskskks. His ego is reserved for card games and card games alone 🤭. But he always hypes up the others during Atty's campfire jams and he participates fairly often because he thinks it's fun and everyone else seems to enjoy it when he does so he's down for it. He also lives in the mid range but has a pretty strong upper register for belting out those pop punk classics 😌 Dear Maria is his now Alex

Alexis is an alto, she lives in the mid to lower register, she does have a little bit of an upper register too but she lives on the lower side. Her voice is very warm and soothing and mature and just nice af. But she's self conscious about it so she doesn't sing very much and almost never around other people. Leading to the theory that when the subject could come up she, like Jay, would says she couldn't sing but unlike Jay, she just isn't confident in her voice even though it's very good. Atty likes to nudge her to try and get her to sing with him at his campfire jams, but she always declines. He keeps trying though 🤭

Hassleberry has a surprisingly good voice, very warm like Alexis's and lives in the mid to lower register like her. If she sang, they would blend very well I think. He's private about his voice too, but he'd be fine if the crew find out about it. His southern drawl is still quite prevalent when he sings and it really elevates the gentle warmth of his voice. His vocals are unrefined and amateurish but they're still very strong. He prefers songs with simpler melodies and really thrives in softer, more melodious country/bluegrass music which isn't a surprise to anyone but the fact that his voice is so warm and gentle despite his rough exterior makes people view him in a different light. But in a good way 🙂 he's embarrassed at first when the J-Squad finds out he can sing, but he comes around quickly and has participated in a couple campfire jams himself every once in a while.

Syrus's isn't very different from his regular speaking voice at all I don't think. He has a very young sounding voice and he hates it. It's not bad by any means, he just feels self conscious about it like Alexis but also like he's self conscious about literally everything. Same my guy. That being said, he's a tenor. He has almost no lower register but he has enough of one 👍. His voice is very light, which he's also self conscious about. And he tends to stick to humming, he feels less embarrassed and self conscious that way and wouldn't die on the spot if anyone heard him. Also like me, if he is actually singing along to a song and it gets too low or he just feels like it's too low, he sings it up the octave.

And unsurprisingly at least to me, I feel like Bastion has the most old fashioned type of voice. His range is also very wide like Atty's is. He knows he can sing and is confident about it around strangers, but if anyone he knew heard him or complimented his voice he'd blush and get very embarrassed in an adorable way. Honestly he enjoys the compliments but he doesn't really know how to handle getting them for something not having to do with how smart he is, so he gets flustered when people compliment his voice, to varying degrees depending on how well he knows the person complimenting him or not. That being said, if you want anyone singing the old school classics at the Christmas party or some golden age musicals, you want Bastion.

[toastedbuckwheat]

Hello! May I ask how you draw? I'm currently learning how to myself and would be highly interested into a step to step process by you! Like from sketch to the done thing (no color necessary)

Hello there!

I dunno how I feel about showing how I work/giving advice to someone who’s learning (and I say it as a pro artist who went through years of traditional art education) because when I do the illustrations you see here on my tumblr I BREAK THE RULES you’d learn though life drawing routine, and give in to bad habits, and my methods are rather unplanned and chaotic which makes it difficult to pinpoint significant stages. But I used my portable potato to take some photos during working on my last piece, so I’ll throw it here with a bit of an explanation of what’s going on.

Before I begin - and because you’re about to look at a mess of a WIP - I’d like to give you some general advice that generally makes life easier when you draw (again, things that I learned in traditional arts education - another artist might advise you the complete opposite, dunno!)

Work holistically. Forget them satisfying-to-look-at clips on instagram showing someone produce a hyperrealistic portrait starting from an eye, with each and every element emerging being finished before they proceed to another part. It takes a lot of talent, yes, but these are ppl redrawing a photo in a kind of a mechanical manner. Most artists don’t work this way. Especially if you’re working without a reference, or if you’re doing a life drawing - your process will be layering and changing and finding what works best to give an impression of what you’re drawing rather than reproduce the exact image, and your artwork is likely to look messy most of the time.That said: don’t start with the details. Don’t spend too much time on a particular part while neglecting others. Your goal is to keep the whole piece at the same level of ‘finished’ (even though it’s unfinished - do I make sense?) before you’re confident that everything is where it should be and proceed to the details. So sketch out the composition first. See how things fit, what’s the dynamics. You’ll save yourself from limbs sticking out from the frame, odd proportions etc etc.

Because it’s a game of relationships between different parts of the picture/scene. I ask you not to worry about finishing a single element before laying out the rest because you’ll find that said element will look different once the other part appears! For instance - you might think that the colour you picked for a character’s hair is already very dark. But once you’re done with the night sky background, you’ll find that it’s in fact too light, and doesn’t work well with the cold palette. You’ll have to revisit different parts of the image as you go to balance these relationships and make the picture work as a whole.

Give an impression of something being there without actually drawing it ‘properly’- because details are hard, mate. You’ll see that my lineart usually has hardly any, and my colouring is large unrefined stains, but the finished thing looks convincing. Like, fuck, I can never focus on how Crowley’s eyes are really shaped. So I just turn them into large glowing yellow ellipses crossed by a line, and heard no protests so far.

Don’t panic if you messed up (you probably didn’t anyway). It might turn out to be a completely unnoticeable mistake - because, remember, things work together to balance each other, so another finished off prominent element will probably drown that badly placed line that looked so visible and out of place a second ago. 

It might not look good before it’s finished. I’m mostly immune to it after years of drawing, and my recent illustrations all follow a specific method (ykno, my sunset glow effects and all that) so I can kinda predict the next stage. But I do my linearts on a specially picked crap paper, I don’t bother erasing the smudged graphite, and it looks messy af until I make the background white in Photoshop. Conclusion: you might have a moment of doubt as you work through a piece, but try to break through it - I often suddenly start to like what I cursed a minute before! - and try to finish it even if it’s meant to be bad. This way, looking through your past pieces, you’ll see the progress. And trust me, I can’t even look at my art from literally three months ago. It’s normal.

Now, pics! The sketches are paler in real life, but I increased the contrast a little so you can see something.

1. Laying out the composition! 

I wanted to just show them kissing, but I got carried away due to some Art Nouveau inspiration. As you might have noticed, most of my illustrations are quite self-contained (ykno - they look like a sticker on a plain background). So I wanted a tight swirl bordered by Aziraphale’s wings creating a sort of rounded, yin-yang like bubble around them. Consequently I made the whole composition revolve around their heads. 

2. Adding more details to the sketch. It’s messy af. It will be messy until I’m done. It’s fine.

3. These are the fineliners I use for the linearts! They are made by Uni-ball and come in light and dark grey. I also sometimes use the guy on the left - ‘Touch’ sign pen by Pentel, when I want more brush-like, wider strokes. I work in grey because when I scan it and do my usual boring trick with sunlight highlights - which is an Overlay mode layer in Photoshop - the highlights ‘burn out’ the lines too and make them vanish a little, and the lighting effect gets more striking. I also like to use the light grey ones to make something look pencil-y without actually using pencil, because pencil fucking smudges.

4. It smudges! So because I am right handed, I start inking from the right hand side, no matter how tempted I am to do their faces first.

5. You can see the composition directions here. I made it intuitively, but ofc some ppl actually use grids etc to lay out their drawings.

6. See how pale ans thin the lineart was at first? I kept adjusting it as new inked parts were appearing. It starts to look nice and consistent now! 

7. Finished lineart? There are some mistakes which I later corrected in PS. Notice that Aziraphale’s face has hardly any details on it - I tried to make the drawing suggest his expression rather than risk overdoing it. 

8. Photoshop time!! You can totally do what I did here even if you don’t have a graphic tablet. I used Curves tool to enhance the lineart, then Quick Selection Tool to select the background around around my sticker-like piece and filled it white (on a new layer ofc). I keep this white layer on top of the layer order so it works as a mask as I colour. I decided I did not like the hatching shading underneath Aziraphale’s halo, so I erased it with a Stamp tool (because I wanna keep the textured grey fill my crap paper naturally gives me!). It’s done roughly but won’t be visible once the thing is coloured. 

9. And the reason why I keep the grey shade instead of easily getting rid of it by using Curves/Levels is because when I set this layer to Multiply mode and colour underneath, it gives me this nice desaturated look like from an old cheap paper comic page. It works as a natural filter! But of course I can’t do bright colours this way, so all my glowing highlights happen ABOVE the lineart layer - on a separate layer in Overlay mode! 

Finished thing here!

_____

Commission infoBuy Me a Coffee - help me with my transitioning expenses!Prints and stickers and things on my Redbubble!

[wackology]

Dumb HBCU/WR movie ramblings

Ok so I've been thinking a bit about the HBCU and a potential Wacky Races movie in development a bit and I got a lot of shit to say about this so buckle your seatbelts and hold on to your hats as you witness my incoherent ramblings and fanon headcanons.

So it pretty much agreed upon that any next installment of the HBCU is gonna take a while to come out considering how WB has put the HBCU in standstill for their dr seuss cinematic universe and liveaction-animation hyprid movies. Hell even the director of Scoob said that. The possibility of us getting another cinematic HB film in the next 5 years are close to none but if we were to get a movie it would probably be wacky races themed. Why? Cuz the Scoob film left off with Dick escaping prison with the wacky races on his mind (or in this case, his prison cell) and it would make sense for WB to continue the HBCU (which they probs don't plan to) with a character we are pretty familiar with and the only likable character in Scoob. Which begs the question, where would the plot go narrative wise?

Dick probably won't be the main character of the story but I can practically guarantee it will be Penelope Pitstop. I mean they already got concept art and i think they have models too that were unused and the people on scoob said they didn't add her to the film because they planned for her to be part of something bigger. Basically, I bet my left arm that the protag will be penny because apart from dick and muttley, she was the most memorable character of the show. We must also consider how they would tie up other hanna barbera characters and properties into a WR film thats part of an HBCU installment.

So basically, with this in mind I have created a few theoretical plots/premises that might happen in a WR movie

1. A Hooded Claw driven girl power film

Claw is an og and classic antagonist for penny, and if they really wanted to make a film centered on her the hooded claw is the perfect character to play the bad guy. I feel like the plot would go a bit like this: In order to kill penny and get her inheritance, Claw sponsored/set up the wacky races to kill penelope under the guise that good ol uncle sylvester was supporting Penny's girl power dreams to be a racer. Basically, he acts all supportive and shit for her to chase her dreams and enter this new race but under the mask actually set the whole thing up as an elaborate plan to kill her.

He lets the most deranged, insane and wacky people enter the race, from a gangster mob, to literal monsters to a pilot racer and a military tank duo with guns and canons thinking that Penny's survival chances in this race will be close to none, especially with it being a sausage fest and him not believing  in girl power. He even hires a professional mercenary with an evil dog to help kill penny in the WR (yes, dick, and yes he was sucessful at killing the pigeon in the scoobverse so he is actually considered quite the exceptional and competent villian in universe).

The rest of the film would be her racing and doing good despite all the odds and ends at her winning the grand finale, much to the frustration of Claw.Basically a film of empowerment for young girls to enjoy. This plot would probably be the most faithful to the original WR and most likely be a prequel to Scoob since the movie implies that Dick was doing all the skull shit after the wacky races sooo yeah.

There could also be a peter/penny subplot, perhaps not as romantic interests but as platonic friends or just some flirty exchanges between them, as well as a dick subplot with him not liking to race much at first and doing it for just the money but coming to love it as the film progresses. This plot would also probably be the least HBCU type film since it is mostly WR based and by nature would already have a ton of characters but they might try to replace some of the less memorable characters with other HB characters that are a bit more memorable than the boring racers but not as well known to have their own films (could see the country bears replace luke and blubber bear as well as any other character replace the lumberjack guy).

2. The Great Race inspired film

So we kinda get the idea in scoob that dick hasn't been in the Wacky races for a while after muttley disappeared and all the skull business happened but as we all know, dick was the character who made the races actually interesting. So the execs couldnt just have the wacky races without dick so what did they do ? They got a doppleganger of course, that being this boyyyy

Basically, the Wacky Races executives used Dick's way less famous twin brother  the Dread Baron and his dog friend Mumbly to fill in for the two once they realized Dick wasn't going to come back after prison. They were wrong of course but dick doesnt know he's been replaced and escapes thinking he was going to join the races again but when he does find out it bruises his ego a lot.

This idea technically serves better as a subplot and could be woven into the hooded claw story above if we just changed a few elements( make it happen after scoob instead of before, perhaps DB and Mumbly were hired by claw to kill penny and dick has to begrudgingly help penny and peter to get his place back in wacky races). After plot stuff happens it ends with dick being in the WR again and DB finding employment elsewhere in the Laffalympics which can easily tie into the established HBCU since it has the yogi gang, mystery gang, captain caveman and the teen angels gang and blue falcon and dynomutt.

Does this theoretical plot draw a lot from my personal desire to see DB just once. Yes. But do i care. No

3. The super HBCU plot(probs the most likely)

So the end credits basically tell us that after the scoob movie that the mystery gang and other HB characters joined the falcon force and are fighting baddies and crap.

Dick has escaped so they will probably start looking for him and in order to do so they get tangled up in the wacky races. Dick isnt the main antagonist tho( he's either trying to sabotage the other wacky racers because he is salty af or begrudgingly has to help out the heros or main antagonist) but the falcon/scooby gang discover a huge conspiracy happening within the wacky races that goes something like this: this race was set up kind of like a scavenger hunt across the world or the US to find mcguffins that are actually really powerful and crap when assembled, which is what the villain was trying to do because evil reasons. Basically wacky raceland done funnier or just Jojo's Bizarre Adventure Steel Ball Run.

In this premise not only would the og wacky racers and scoob cast be in it but i bet there would also be a bunch of cameos and references to other HB characters and they might even join in on the action and be racers too. I have no real clue on who the main baddie would be but I think it would be a johnny quest bad guy or something:( in the end credits they are teaming up with Quest industries after all).

I feel like the entire vibe of a premise like this would be very mad max like but without all the apocalypse stuff and just pure unrefined insanity. I kinda based these ideas off some of the unused concept art in scoob and I'm pretty sure the gang and the falcon force would team up with penny cuz they were planning to do so in the og concept art.

I have a few other ideas in my head but those arent fully developed but I might post them one day lol. But yeah, thanks for listening to my dumb shit lol

[izvorposts]

Random Thoughts SnK 126

Humongous spoilers ahead if you haven’t read chapter 126 yet.

Hello, everyone and welcome to my stream of confusing and often unrelated thoughts.

I loved this chapter, it was a great ride and it was quite emotional for me, to the point I not only teared up, but legit cried a few times. Keep in mind that I also cried to a toilet paper commercial featuring golden retriever puppies playing with the said toilet paper.

For me this chapter was all about sacrificing the personal for the greater good, but let’s start from the beginning.

The panel where Hange says they’d rather just live in the woods with Levi expresses a mere wish; Hange is aware that neither they nor Levi would or could do something like that because they couldn’t live with themselves. The interpretation that Hange started building the cart because they knew Levi wouldn’t accept staying in the woods, is in my opinion, wrong. We’ve seen Hange, we know Hange and they would never abandon their people, no matter how far they’re ready to go for Levi.

When Levi says “What’s left if we run and hide like this?” does not mean rejection. Levi doesn’t speak much, but when he does, he is very direct and clear, he doesn’t speak in ambiguous ways, and had he wanted to reject Hange’s suggestion, he’d have said it very clearly. He knows they can’t stay in the woods and Hange does, too.

The title of the chapter is “Pride” and I think it’s interesting Isayama-san chose that word. Levi admits he fucked up with Zeke; he doesn’t try to pretend he’s feeling better than he is; he’s physically and emotionally hurt, but he doesn’t feel the need to pretend in front of Hange; he lets them see him just as he is - weak. That’s where we see how deeply honest their relationship is - I’m weak AF and I let you see me like that. Even when Hange advises him not to get up, he listens.

Hange, on the other hand, talks to him and confesses something to him while he’s unconscious (well, at least they think he is), yet when they realize he wasn’t, they don’t try to joke about it or pretend they didn’t say it, they blush and leave it at that.

Both let go of their pride and any pretense in front of one another, and their panels in the woods are etched with so much honesty, warmth and love it’s almost unreal. They know each other too well, which we can see in the few thoughts they exchange, yet they say more than they could ever say with words.

The chapter then moves to the two of them meeting Pieck (whose last name I can’t get over) and Magath (whose last name I’m not sure how to pronounce) and I completely agree with momtaku that Levi states that his objective is killing Zeke partially because of the audience. What will happen once they realize that Zeke isn’t the issue anymore, we’ll see.

Fast forward to Connie, who is already breaking in the woods just thinking about his intentions. His determination is faltering and he knows it’s a wrong thing to do. He realizes that Falco is an honest and pure kid, and as one of the last resorts where he seeks support is when he calls Sasha’s name wondering whether she’d understand him.

They do get to Ragako, Connie unveils his ever-smiling mother, his determination seemingly back, but as soon as he sees Armin and Gabi, he tells them to not say anything. Why? Because he knows what he’s doing is wrong and that his decision will easily be overturned by just a few words by Armin.

I love Armin with all my heart, I think he’s precious, but he is also manipulative as fuck and I think he counted on Connie saving him. He risked it, yes, because Connie caught him mid-jump, but part of him counted on it. This isn’t the first time Armin plays to people’s good sides to get something. Another part of him probably wanted to die because of the guilt he feels for having lived instead of Erwin and if I’m right, he sacrifices his escape plan and stays alive for the greater good.  

We see Connie do the same thing – he gives up a personal goal, replacing it with saving the world – he leaves his mom, teeth unbrushed and Falco-deprived and goes to eat pie and unite with the rest. Good job, Connie, I’m proud of you, and I’m sure your mom is, too.

By letting Armin, Gabi and Falco see him as a complete lunatic, Connie is also stripped of pride: “Someone righteous like you can’t understand an idiot” Connie says, painting the image of himself devoid of anything fake. He’s not trying to prove he’s doing the right thing, he’s fucking up and he knows it and shows it.

I have no idea what Mikasa intends to do with the scarf she procured from Louise (is she going to burn it, put it on Eren’s voodoo doll and strangle it, who knows?!), but we don’t see her put it back on. Also, she gives up her lifelong obsession of protecting Eren and joins the crew. Go, Mikasa! She’s such a badass. Some more development would be nice, though.

Now we get to Floch and I’m saddened by the fact that I’ll write more about him than I did about the rest, but Floch is important.

Floch is not entertainment. Floch is an instigator and a coward, he is manipulative in a very unrefined way and capable of making masses follow him, not because he is Eren’s self-proclaimed representative, but because he knows what he needs to feed the people with in order for them to follow and support the Yeagerists – blood and fear.

He’s the dude with the gun and shows everyone in chapter 125 what will happen to them not only if they disobey, but also if they say what they think. I believe the modern-day term for this is dictatorship. In this chapter he screams about Yelena and Onyankopon, why they are traitors and why they should be killed (executed publicly at that) and that is the decision he made. He takes the role of God by deciding who lives and who doesn’t and the worst part is, the masses surrounding him show full support.

Floch is the type of person who will establish themselves after everything is over and after they are certain they’re in no immediate or any other danger; then they will find followers, which isn’t too difficult in the state Paradis currently is in. I have actively hated him since he was introduced and I doubt that will change. Not to mention that his and Trump’s hair bear striking resemblance, and that doesn’t really help. Of course, that’s not the only similarity between him and Donald, in my opinion at least.

Floch saying “Dedicate your hearts” made me so sad, the wings of freedom on his uniform – it’s just wrong.  

Also, I couldn’t help but notice how the faces of people surrounding him are distorted to the point they almost look inhumane. Or should I say mindless?

I don’t really care about Yelena, but both she and Onyankopon are introduced by Floch as “volunteers who bear a grudge against the Eldian empire” and whose soon-to-happen execution is met with a unanimous support from the spectators. Floch keeps saying how they are finally free, the masses cheer, as if not realizing that this form of governing a country is the exact opposite – yes, free, maybe, from the hatred by the rest of the world, but this is so far from freedom it’s not even funny. Floch is not entertaining, he’s an epitome of danger.

I’m not crazy about the notion of pride, I prefer dignity, as pride in itself holds something that makes a person or a group of people better than the rest, or it plays too much to our ego, and when we see the masses exclaiming how they’re the subjects of Ymir and how they’re the only ones who’ll be left, that to me was pride in its worst notion possible.

Jean killed me when he shot and said “I missed…”. I’m not too happy the bullets didn’t find their way to Floch’s head or vital organs, but Jean not only gives up (for the second time) the possibility of living a cozy life, ergo, sacrifices a personal goal, but chooses the just option. When he mentioned the bones turned to ashes it gave me goosebumps.

I’m not sure where Annie was headed with Hitch in 125, but if she was headed to meet her dad and then gave up on it when she met Armin (Go, Aruani!) and the rest, she, too, gave up a personal goal. Also, the message she leaves to Hitch (“Sorry for being a nuisance”; “Thank you for talking to me for four years”, “From your malicious roommate”) contains something personal and warm. I do hope we get to see more of Hitch.

I’m happy they united and showed that their differences are not surmountable, but non-existent – there are no Paradis Devils and Marleyans, there are those who want to save the world and those who want it to be destroyed (I’m not talking about Eren here per se; yes, he seems uber genocidal, but maybe we’ll get his POV one of these days and see what’s on the bottom).

We saw that all of them were presented with two choices. On one side there was:  

-        Living in the woods and staying safe

-        Saving one’s parent

-        Committing suicide as a form of escape from being unable to replace Erwin

-        Going after Eren and protecting him

-        Living a comfortable life

-        Going to see the closest thing to a parent one has

And on the other side was saving the world. And they decided to do that.

I’m a little bit in love with all of them. 

[deathgatesideblog]

I Use Too Many Words to Say Absolutely Nothing About Hanahaki AUs

So I just had this thought (these thoughts?) and it’s all very unrefined and stream-of-consciousness but

TL;DR: I think Hanahaki AUs are dumb. But I keep trying to find ways to make them interesting because that feels like something I should be able to do, right??? And then I try to do that for a while. And realize that no, despite all my efforts, I still think Hanahaki AUs are dumb and not very interesting.

Okay so I’ve never really liked Hanahaki AUs, because 90% of them are like “you pine, you get sick, you angst, you nearly die, surprise your feelings are requited and you get better” and that’s just not a compelling story to me necessarily, and it’s hard to figure out how you WOULD make a compelling story out of it. But because it’s hard to figure out I have spent a nonzero amount of time thinking about how you could make something compelling out of it? Like, I think the biggest strength of the Hanahaki AU is in making Good Angst Moments. The catharsis can be kinda cheap, but the angst moments are good. I dunno if there’s any way to actually make Hanahaki AU satisfying overall but idk here’s what I’ve thought about it in a Death Gate context:

(So firstly, I think you’ve got to eliminate the part of Hanahaki that makes you die, because Hanahaki is a metaphor for the pain of unrequited love and the urgency of near death takes some of the complexity out of the already interesting situation of having a difficult time being in love and having to deal with that. So. Hanahaki is now more like a chronic illness that occurs when you love someone and feel guilty about that love-- instead of having it be strictly unrequited love, because again, Hanahaki is a metaphor for the PAIN of unrequited love, not, I think, unrequited love itself.)

I mean, Patryns are a whole race of people whose culture is both very loving and very in-denial about it, so I can easily imagine that kind of Hanahaki being abundant, possibly even to the point of death in some cases, even if not all Hanahaki is lethal in this version of things. Patryns falling in love and finding themselves tormented by the knowledge that they’re not supposed to care about another person so deeply, or that the Labyrinth is unforgiving and they’ll only be hurt by this, and then starting to choke up flowers on top of it? 

More specifically, Marit leaving Haplo because she’s started coughing up petals and knows what that means, only for Haplo to wake up alone the next day with a petal in his mouth and swallow it without opening his mouth to look at it. I mean, that really doesn’t add much to the already-existing story about Love Is Difficult, Man, but y’know, Hanahaki isn’t supposed to add much more than an illustration of Love Being Difficult, Man, so I think it’s semi-valid.

And here’s the thought that actually made me sit down and write this post-- what about Alfred having Hanahaki on and off throughout his life? The guy strikes me as both a person who falls in love pretty easily and also as someone who feels guilty about it, so. You know. Just constant mild cases of Hanahaki. When he first realizes he has feelings for Lya, and he thinks that’s normal enough-- he starts coughing up flowers, and then stops when he finds out his feelings are mutual, la dee da that’s pretty standard for Sartan. But then maybe he’s in disguise as a chamberlain and there are mensch, sometimes, who are nice to him or express interest in him and of course he turns them down because, I mean, they’re mensch, but then there are petals again and he feels guilty about the petals and what they mean, so they keep showing up until he closes off contact with whoever’s triggering the disease and the symptoms are manageable again, but it’s hard to make friends that way, so Alfred’s still miserable either way.

Oh, and then there’s Orla. Can you fucking imagine Samah’s face seeing Alfred vomit up a flower and they both know exactly what that’s about? Can you imagine his face when Orla tries and fails to hide the petals in her clenched fists? (Again, I really do think the main strength of Hanahaki is just in enhancing the Angst that already exists in the text of a story about feeling guilty about love.)

And of course it starts up again when Alfred feels what he feels for Haplo. But what I think is potentially interesting about that is what if the symptoms don’t ease even after the feelings are requited? If the disease is based on being guilty or uncomfortable with one’s feelings, there’s really no reason reciprocation should stop the symptoms. And I imagine there could still be a lot of shame to work through there, especially in my headcanons where Sartan society is homophobic af and Alfred has both normal angst about Haplo/Marit existing and also internalized homophobia, etc, that doesn’t go away even knowing that his feelings are reciprocated, because that was never the only source of the shame. 

And what would it be like to be Haplo or Marit in that case? I mean, they know what it’s like to feel shame for feeling love, but I don’t think either of them would be suffering from it post-canon. I guess the Hanahaki is still just an illustration of a mental condition-- in this case a physical representation of internalized shame. Mild symptoms, maybe, but still there, and still hard to watch a partner suffer through when there is, in theory, no reason for them to still be pained by these things. Alfred assuring them both that this is just something that he’s used to, that it doesn’t really go away and that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong, even though they both know it as a potentially life-threatening disease. There is something interesting about a situation like that, maybe?

But again, the problem with this version of Hanahaki is still that I don’t think it can ever be “cured” in a way that gives a compelling narrative-- at least, not in a single moment of catharsis. Because either way, Hanahaki is a representation of an internal pain. And in this case, where Hanahaki isn’t about unrequited feelings, but instead about guilt and shame, it isn’t satisfying if someone else simply “cures” it, because that’s not really how internal pain works. More likely, in the case I described for Alfred, he would experience mild symptoms for a long time, and maybe eventually the petals would come less frequently, but there would never be a single moment of catharsis, I don’t think, where he’s just cured of it.

But again ALL OF THIS JUST PROVES THAT HANAHAKI AUS ARE STUPID because I didn’t need a stupid flower disease to think about a story that was ultimately just about the guilt and shame that can come with love, I could have just written THAT story instead, all the Hanahaki part does is be a physical representation of that, and I don’t know WHY that doesn’t work for me? Soulmate AUs are basically the same thing but I find those interesting!!! What’s the difference??? I don’t know! I guess that’s why the Hanahaki diseases are usually lethal? So that you add an element of life-or-death stakes to an ordinary unrequited love story? But AGAIN that just makes every Hanahaki AU the SAME ugh

[ain-t-bovvered]

Can we get your fav homemade Italian recipe please? Like a classic Carbonara or whatever your signature recipe that doesn’t come out of a jar is

From a jar?!? Lol what’s that I don’t know her.

Hmmmmmmm lemme see.

I could give you my nan’s meatballs or even better....our town’s meat casoncelli ( loose and homeade ravioli drenched in melted and a bit charred butter, infused with sage )’s recipe but then I’d have to kill you.

But my Carbonara is pretty famous between my peeps.

Sooooo

( first you can find this recepie in my fic serie “epiphany” ...yes I’m autopromoting myself die mad about it)

Anyway.

Go buy:

- Guanciale , Pork cheek( yes yes you can use bacon ,whatever, better smoked tho)

- eggs ( better fresh ones, or at least be sure they are safe to eat a bit raw, I know...metal af right?). The quantity depends how many people there are, usually one egg per person plus one. So if you are in 4 , you need to use 5 eggs.

- spaghetti ( 100g each.....ahahahahahahahahahahahahahah yeah sure just dump all that shit in ,who cares yolo)

-black pepper ( the unrefined one, you need to grate that shit)

- PECORINO ROMANO ( AH-AH you thought I would say Parmigiano?!? Nope, pecorino is the traditional sheep cheese that goes on carbonara, but you can use parmigiano too)

Yup that’s it

1) take that sweet sweet pork cheek and cut it into cubes, little ones ( for the love of god don’t cut the fat away, unless it’s just a cube of fat, no one what to bite into that gooey shit).

2) put oil or butter ( or both lol whatever we do that yolo) in a pan and let it get hot hot hot.

3) dump in that glorious pork and let it sizzle ( YES it will get oil everywhere if you don’t get your kitchen dirty have you even cooked ?!)

4) while that shit get all golden and crunchy , take a deep pan and fill it with fresh water. Put it on the stove and get that flame high.

WARNING PORN

5) when the bacon is nice and golden , kill the flame and let it rest in the pan, bathing in that grease

6) while the water start to warm up, break the eggs into a bowl, but the last one use only the yolk .

NOW BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THAT UNTIL YOUR ARM FALLS OFF .

Add salt and pepper to taste ( yes you need to tast those raw eggs you pussy ) and then dunk in some a shit ton of cheese in it and

BEAT THAT SHIT AGAIN UNTIL YOUR OTHER ARM FALLS OFF.

7) but wait!!! Now the water is boiling!!! Quick put in the pasta !!!

RECORD SCRATCH

Great you just ruined everything.

Take a fistfull of unrefined salt and put 👏🏻that👏🏻shit👏🏻into👏🏻the👏🏻water👏🏻 you can do that as SaltBae meme IDC, just do it.

Now you can put in the Spaghetti ( i use spaghetti because I prefer long pasta but you can use maccheroni too , but I will judge you).

8) the spaghetti are in and now your pan looks like this?

PERFECT.

Coax them , push them down slowly with your hand as they soften until they slide under water.

That sounded sexy tho

UNDER WATER, pasta needs to swims in the fucking water.

9) now you fucking wait.

10) ok this is a trick that not all people knows, when the pasta is cooking and boiling, grab a spoon and take some of that starch rich water on the very surface and put it in the egg mixture. It will make the sauce creamy ( no fucking need for damn cream see?!? Healthy)

11) let’s test the pasta. If you take one spaghetto and throw it to the wall , I’ll throw your ass out the windows.

Take a damn fork.

Fish out a damn spaghetto.

Blow on the damn thing ( if you are weak)

Pick it up with your fingers ( or just use the fork whatever )

BITE HALF OF IT to see if the core is still raw and hard. Anyway if the thing is ok by you then the pasta is ready. Al dente isn’t always loved.

11) before draining the pasta, switch on the stove on low flame and get that bacon warm again .

12) ok this needs to be done quickly,

dump that drained pasta ( don’t drain too much tho...remember...creamy sauce) in the bacon pan and let that sweet bacon juice coat the pasta.

Now it’s the eggs turn, pour that golden shit in, but don’t raise the flame.

Now it’s the moment where there are no rules. I mean mix the thing until you want it. You can have it really running, or just a bit or over cooked. Whatever you prefer it’s still good.

13) now you can serve, AND IF I SEE YOU USE THE LADLE TO SERVE TINY ASS SWIRLY PORTION I’M GONNA SMACK YOU.

AND IF I SEE YOU PUT SOME GREEN SHIT OVER THE TOP TO “DECORATE” I’M GONNA SMACK YOU.

THE BACON IS THE DECORATION, THE BACON.

Also put over more Pecorino and pepper if you want .

Aaand it’s done.

Ya welcome

[pirate-and-soldier]

Desvan Beauty and the Beast (BATB) AU

Because I am extra af.

EXERT

Evan gripped tightly onto the broken branch he’d picked up outside. He stepped nimly onto the grand, dark stone steps, his heeled boots making little click, click sounds. He adjusted his dark blue cloak and fiddled with the clasp, looking up at the foreboding castle surrounded by the gray-white of snow. It almost looked like something out of those paintings his father had always cherished.

At the top of the stairs, Evan pushed open the elaborately decorated double doors. The entrance hall he entered was as dark and dreary as the outside of the castle. He wiggled his fingers, feeling the smooth yet coarse texture of the branch against his skin.

“Hello?” he called softly, and his voice echoed through the castle. He tensed as he waited for an answer. He didn’t get one.

Just inside was a stone staircase, splitting off into two parts going left and right. To Evan’s immediate right, a small sitting room had a small, dying fire within the hearth. To his left, a short hallway lead to another set of double doors, covering what he assumed was a ballroom.

As he took a few steps forward, faint noises reached his ears, sounding like whispering. He stilled, tilting his head towards the voices, only for them to cut off.

“Who’s there?” he demanded, branch held posed over his right shoulder. Evan scanned the room with the fireplace with sharp eyes, finally settling on a table with stout wooden legs. On it sat an intricate clock and a beautiful twisted metal candelabra set with three small candles lit.

He started over to them, but faint coughing reached his ears. Someone cleared their throat only to have another coughing fit.

Jaw setting, he grabbed the candelabra and started up the stairs, going over to the left side where the coughing grew louder.

He was about to go up another flight of stairs when the coughing started again, this time coming from an open door with a narrower spiral staircase. Evan veered to the left again, taking the steps two at a time.

The coughing got louder, and grumbling reached his ears. The voice was familiar to Evan. He’d heard this voice all his life.

“Father?” Evan called up the stairs, slowing for a moment before he heard the voice mumble, “...Evan?”

“Father!” He raced up the rest of the way, coming up to a small space. Long bars that ran from the floor to the ceiling separated Evan from his father.

Harol Strangward was a man to be described as strong, yet gentle. Tough, yet kind. He’d always been the strongest pillar in Evan’s life, and the only one that stayed with him since the beginning.

It broke Evan’s heart to see the disheveled, roughed up form of his father sitting against the cold stone tiles of the opposite wall.

“Evan!” His father stumbled to his feet and quickly shuffled his way over to where Evan stood gripping the bars tightly, his branch forgotten on the floor, the candelabra having been placed on a narrow shelf next to it. He reached his fingers through the bars desperately. Harol took them in his grasp and held on, squeezing them reassuringly.

“Father.” Evan breathed in relief, smiling for the first time in what felt like days.

For a moment, Harol was close to smiling back. But then his eyes started darting through the room as if searching for something that wasn’t there. “Listen, Evan.” He squeezed his hands. “You must go. Get out of here.”

Evan blinked. “What? Why?”

“There is something—something here. I fear that if you stay here too long you may be roped into something that is not your fault.”

“Something?” Evan questioned. “What is it? What’s here?”

His father opened his mouth to answer, only for a growl to interrupt.

Evan whipped around, heart beating wildly, and he stooped down to snatch his branch back up. He braced his feet and held the branch out in front of him. “Who’s there?” After a moment he asked, “Who are you?”

A gruff, low voice growled out, “Who are you?”

Evan scowled. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“And neither did you.” The voice was biting and harsh, rude and unrefined. “We’re even.”

Evan bit back a sassy remark. “I’ve come for my father.”

“Your father is a thief.” Evan could put a form to a voice, though he wasn’t sure whether or not to be alarmed or frightened by the massive size and irregular shape of the being before him. He could only see their silhouette in the darkness.

“He’s not a theif!” Evan argued.

The figure came closer. “He stole a rose.”

Evan’s heartbeat stumbled. “I... I asked for the rose.” In a wild sense of heroics, he choked out, “Punish me, not him!”

“No, Evan!” Harol contradicted. “You’ll be here forever! Apparently that’s what happens when you pick a gods-damn flower.”

“You...” Evan turned to the form only a few scant feet away now. “You mean to lock up someone just for that? Is that really something that warrents such a harsh punishment?”

The being stomped closer, seeming aggravated. “I recieved eternal damnation for one; I’m only locking him away.” They growled low in their throat. “Now, do you still wish to take your father’s place or will you keep wasting my time?”

Evan tried to stop the shivers going down his spine, ignoring the alarm bells in his head that screamed Danger! Get out!

“Come into the light,” he ordered, sounding more confident than he felt.

The being turned away, making no move to do so.

Irritated, Evan snatched up the candelabra and moved closer, shoving it towards the being, only for his breath to catch in his throat.

In the light of the candles shone the face of a beast.

Pointy teeth poked out from his lips. Fur covered every inch of him, and Evan suspected he was covered in it. His nose was black and small.

His eyes, though.

They shone with a beautiful amber, a hazel hue that Evan had never seen before.

The beast in front of him glared. “Choose,” he growled.

“Evan,” his father pleaded. “I lost your mother. I will not lose you, too.”

Hearing the desperation in his voice, Evan swallowed. “Alright. I’ll leave.” He met the beast’s gaze. “I need a moment alone with him.”

The beast snorted and turned away, meaning to go back to where he’d come in from.

Evan felt anger arise. “Are you so cold-hearted that you won’t even let a son tell his father goodbye?”

The beast paused.

“Forever can spare a minute,” Evan persisted. “Can’t it?”

Turning, the beast padded back over to Evan, leaning close to his face. Evan stood his ground, feeling the weight of his scrutiny. Finally the beast reached over and pulled a lever on the wall, and the door to the cell swung slowly inward.

“When this door closes, it won’t open again.”

—

What do you think, should I continue with it?

[parttimeexploradora]

How I hydrate my curls to get that bounce and oomph: DIY Hair Mask & Rizos Curls Defining Cream

Reading Time: 4 minutes

It took me a while to accept and love my hair but basically my entire life to actually find products that worked. In case you didn’t know I went to school for chemical engineering out of a drive to make hair products to handle my curls. Yes, it’s a legitimate science to create hair and beauty products and it was my drive to get into science & engineering because I was that frizzy-haired nerd.

TLDR Version: This STUFF IS AMAZING, I got you a discount for 10% off any RizosCurls Product “EXPLORADORA10” and my instructions for a DIY MASK are below. 

  How I came across Rizos Curls

I had found super expensive products and would volunteer my hair for trials to obtain free super high-end products (at the risk of having to trial products and spending all day at the salon) cause let’s be real I cannot afford a $40 5 ounce bottle of hair crack. So after going to LA last year and meeting Britanny  the CEO of ShopLatinx, a database for latinx owned business & products,  I was stunned by her beautiful curls, that’s when she told me about RizosCurls a latina owned brand her friend Julissa Prado had started and I ordered it right away. (Literally, go insta stalk these girls and you’re like HOW DO I GET THAT also they’re #Jefa goals). I legit watched her whole process evolve from when her family was helping her bottle up product and storing in her garage to now seeing Julissa open up Rizos Curls HQ in LA and slaaayin’.

So I’m super excited to partner up with Rizos Curls to share with you their amazing, affordable, cruelty-free, unapologetically latina and pro-immigrant product lines.

USE “EXPLORADORA10” for 10% off any product.

Totally Recommend the Trio! 

I also low key am always following Rizos Curls instastories and videos. Recently seeing how Julissa dyes her hair,  hydrates using hair masks, and even create her own shower caps. Of course, being myself, I slid in the DM’s and asked her for recommendations.

I just came back from Guatemala and got my hair dyed and highlighted over there (travel hack when USD is worth more). However, once I came back to New York weather my hair was HELLA DEHYDRATED so I channeled my engineering skills whipped up a lab and opened up the saved DM from RizosCurls DIY recommendations. So here is my intel to share with all my fellow exploradorx and rizos reinas on our hair journey.

DIY HAIR MASK INSTRUCTIONS

What you need:

1 Aloe Vera Leaf

Find at your local international /latinx or bougie supermarket. Mine cost me $0.68 a leaf

3-4 Tablespoons of Unrefined Extra Virgin Coconut Oil

Find at your local health food stores or supermarket approx $7-11 USD

Fancy Version: Shower Cap

Broke AF Version: Plastic Bag (repurpose the ones in your drawer you will never use)

Fancy Version: Food Processor

Broke AF Version: Bowl and a fork  or some type of mixing tool

Spoon

Rizos Curl Defining Creme

$17.99 with 10% Applied using “Exploradora10” *

A container preferably glass to store any excess

  Instructions 

Making the Mix

Cut the  Aloe leaf preferably into thirds first and then cut it open, inside you will see all this gooey gel.

Using a spoon cut open and scoop out the aloe gel and to avoid messes scoop it directly into the food processor or a bowl

Add in 3-4 Tablespoons of coconut oil to your mix

Cover your mix and Blend away at the food processor until fully mixed and you get a nice thick paste and evenly distributed

Alternate whip with a fork, until it is, is all thoroughly mixed and not chunky. It should look like a thick paste

Transfer to a jar or container to store excess and make less of a mess

Overnight Hair Application

Apply thoroughly throughout hair, be warned this can get messy so you might want to get a towel (I did not do this and just had extra laundry to do)

Brush or finger comb throughout hair so it’s evenly distributed

Take your shower cap and cover your hair overnight

Alternate: use a plastic bag and use the handles to tie it tight and cover your hair. Make sure you use a bag with no ink on it so it doesn’t stain your pillow or you lay down a towel to sleep.

Wake up (or after a couple hours) rise out in the shower. You really want to make sure you get all that coconut oil out so you don’t end up going outside and frying your hair. I would recommend using Rizos Curls Shampoo (also applicable to the Exploradora10 10% discount)

You can skip conditioning cause you quite literally just did this all night

When still 90% wet, apply Rizos Defining Curl Creme throughout all hair.

Try to always apply any product while your hair still has moisture

Brush with a wide tooth comb or finger brush throughout

Literally flip your hair back and forth and air Dry or use a diffuser and air dry on cold to avoid any heat damage.

Look at yourself in the mirror and fully embrace the beautiful rizos reina you are and then send me a selfie cause girl YOU LOOK DOOOOPE AF

  No, but seriously, let me know what you think and share with me your beautiful curls. Self-love and acceptance especially in a society that tells us we are less than constantly is a revolutionary act. Be sure to send me your selfies and tag PartTimeExploradora & RizosCurls on Instagram in your selfies!

*This post contains affiliate links by purchasing products recommended in this post PartTimeExploradora receives a small commision at no additional charge to you. PartTimeExploradora and all Poderx Media Collective brands only promote products/brands that we truly believe in and that align with the mission to promote a more socially conscious world which Rizos Curls does . 

The post How I hydrate my curls to get that bounce and oomph: DIY Hair Mask & Rizos Curls Defining Cream appeared first on Part Time Exploradora.

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[meowarchived]

[sorry for bein’ so spotty over the past couple weeks here! i had midterms for school, which ate up a lot of my time the past few weeks, and over spring break i also went home and helped my mom move out of her apartment and do some of the repairs on our old house that needed doing before she could move back in there. it took a lot of my time and energy over the past week and really burned me out (to the point where i legitimately made myself sick a couple times from pushing myself too hard but never mind all that...)

but i have some good news! i sorta came up with this new dbz oc! i might add her here if enough people are interested in her!

little bit of unrefined info under the cut, as well as a ref I drew up.]

Name: Mint

Species: Majin

Age: 29

Occupation: Time Patroller (in Xenoverse verse), yoga/dance instructor

(She doesn’t really have a full backstory yet but here’s some li’l facts to start with while I flesh that out)

not very expressive at all. typically has the same monotone, uncaring vocal tone and indifferent look on her face no matter what. very rarely actually emotes.

doesn’t actually not care despite looking and sounding like it- she just isn’t good at expressing herself via normal means.

gay af

an expert in ballet and incorporates the techniques into her fighting style

doesn’t actually like sweets all that much. prefers spicy or salty food.

will fight u over the fries at the bottom of the mcdonalds bag

smells vaguely like peppermint, hence the name. when provoked, the steam that she blows out of her pores has such a strong minty odor that it can make your eyes burn if you’re close enough to it. ever get peppermint oil anywhere near your eyes? yeah, well, it basically feels like that. 

[note: please do not put peppermint oil (ESPECIALLY IF IT’S UNDILUTED) anywhere near your eyes. take my word for it- you will literally feel like your eyeballs are being slowly burned out of their sockets and it might even permanently damage your eyes if it’s poorly diluted/undiluted.]

very afraid of spiders, but thankfully, because of her scent, spiders are also very afraid of her.

doesn’t like wearing skirts or long-sleeved shirts, as she likes to keep her pores uncovered and her legs protected.

very stretchy and flexible, which makes her standards as a yoga instructor very hard to live up to.

[soooo... yeah. if you like what you see, like or reply to this post so i know!]

[kellykadesperate]

What are your most underrated robron/and/or robert aaron moments that you feel need more appreciation? And any scenes that the fandom loves that you're not crazy over 😋

HOLLLAAA NONNIE,

BLESSS YOU

okay so i’ll just list some moments i feel like the fandom need to shout about a lot more in no particular order because i’m a mess.

so we have:

1) the HUGE HEART EYES on aaron’s face after robert tells him that he’ll book some city break for them (yk during the first ever domestic ‘let’s eat breakfast together’ scene) ~ basically it’s the softest thing in the absolutely world and i don’t think i have ever seen aaron look more settled and secure and just CONTENT with the life he is leading. it’s literally the day after the end of the most horrific trial in the world and things are still messed up in his head obviously, he’s got a TONNE of demons who are demanding his attention but he’s telling them to piss off because he woke up next to robert sugden, he’s eating breakfast with him and robert doesn’t need to be ANYWHERE ELSE and he’s just finished telling him that they should go on a city break and ??? aaron literally looks like he’s been hit with cupid’s arrow and robert doesn’t even see it but we do and it’s EVERYTHING !!!

2) ROBERT ROASTING THE WHITES, okay so you know the scene in vic’s cottage where lawrence confronts robert about being an absolute arse who isn’t worthy of breathing or something dramatic like that? yeah that scene is literally THE BEST. it’s after robert has crucified aaron, burnt every bridge left with him and with andy too and he has ZERO FUCKS to give. so lawrence comes in and he’s literally like, come at me bro, let me go off at you as well just for the fun of it. “she’s old but she’s not that old” is probably the trashiest best thing to ever leave rob’s mouth because it’s just the sort of sarky, mouth wide open and trying not to laugh, line which KILLS ME.

3) THE QUARRY SCENE, now this is almost ancient in my eyes and i think a lot of others too but we need to talk about how highly charged the whole damn thing was. it was the first time i think the audience got a real human side of robert and could SEE how much he was juggling and trying to deal with. back then he was the definition of the phrase about spinning too many plates at the same time or whatever and the way it cultivated into those scenes was brilliantly done. it was INTENSE and wild and i think was the first time robert literally had to go SHIT i really care about aaron more than i am letting on. for him, up until that point, he needed aaron to be quiet, keep his mouth shut and sort of get over everything. he didn’t even want to try and think about how the hell this was affecting the younger man. and then he’s seeing him standing on the edge of a damn quarry and looking out, he’s sitting in a car with his suicidal brother and for a SECOND he looks away and aaron is gone. i cannot tell you how many times i have replayed the way robert says AARON ???? because he is suddenly short of breath and is2g it reminds me of the breath robert takes in before he gives it to aaron when they’re in the drowning car. it’s from his DAMN GUT and he’s ridiculously scared and WORRIED about aaron dingle ??? and yeah we need to talk about it more pls, thank you.

4) “YOU CAN BUY ME A PINT IF YOU LIKE TO SAY THANKS FOR SMOOTHING THINGS OVER” *aaron literally just keeps his poker face on and you literally see the smirk fall from rob’s face* “ALRIGHT I’LL BUY YOU A PINT” ~ like ???? can you believe the cocky smarmy confident little trash boy risks looking like a mug just to coax out a little more time with aaron?? it’s wild. aaron doesn’t even need to say anything and it throws robert completely because, wtf is wrong with this boy? can’t he take a little bit of banter? and then literally two seconds later he’s like uhh No clearly not so drop that smile because your powers don’t work on him like they usually do so - OFFER TO BUY HIM A PINT, SEE HOW HE LIKES THAT. it’s just your typical trash bag being shaken to the core because his charms don’t work on certain mechanics apparently and he literally changes tack just for AARON.

5) ROSS: “YOU WANNA HAVE A GO, TRY TO BE A MAN ABOUT IT”    AARON: “ALRIGHT, INSTEAD OF WHAT?” *literally leans in a smirks* “BECAUSE YOUR BROTHER WASN’T COMPLAINING LAST NIGHT”  ~ i mean … Honestly. i don’t trust anyone who doesn’t agree that 2014!aaron was one of the highlights of this whole damn century. he came back with literally zero fucks, so much more at home with who he was and what he wanted and let’s face it he knew he was sexy af and could bang the only other gay bloke in the village and be a bit of dick about it the next day. it was just GOLD. and i loved the way aaron felt so comfortable saying this line like ?? yeah it was funny and sarky but it was also such progression ?? as if aaron would have ever talked about having a one night stand with a bloke like that before 2014. i just fuels my belief that france CHANGED my baby and he had some Great experiences out there being young free and sexily single.

6) THE WAY ROBERT’S FACE FALLS AS SOON AS AARON LEAVES HIM WITH CAIN DURING THE WHOLE KIDNAP SHENANIGAN. it’s literally iconic and no one talks about it as much as they should because once again we see robert change from this cocky little shit telling cain that he’s “full of it” and ignoring aaron’s warnings and then he’s literally tensing his jaw and dropping his head and looking so UNSETTLED as soon as aaron’s gone. like ??? aaron gave him protection, gave him the means to mouth off and be a twat and then he’s gone and he doesn’t need to be strong and put up a front or anything and his face just DROPS. he’s not smarmy anymore, he’s trying to find a way out of it all and not get himself hurt because aaron’s not there anymore and he doesn’t need to act brave around the man he GENUINELY ADORES AND WANTS TO PLEASE AND SHOW HOW STRONG HE IS TO. it’s so small and ryan plays it SO well and yeah, let’s talk about that too please.

7) ROBERT’S LITTLE “he’s just a kid, alright, it’s - it’s alright" TO AARON AS AARON IS LOSING IT WITH LACHLAN AT THE SCRAPYARD DURING SSW. like it’s not even that big of a deal but i just melt at the way robert is able to centre aaron, pull him back, place a hand on his chest and turn this mad angry man into something soft who’s just petrified of losing him. like it’s ??? SO SOFT and you can tell that rob is literally just trying to find a way to settle him and it’s a little bit of rambling and unrefined but yeah it works and that just sums up the effect he has on aaron.

8) AARON’S COMFORTING LITTLE BACK RUB HE GIVES ROBERT WHEN THEY MOVE INTO THE MILL AND ROBERT IS STARING AT THE PICTURE OF THEM ON THEIR WEDDING DAY. it’s just the softest thing in the world and it’s so aaron. not overly affectionate or handsy or cute but just a little “yeah baby we did it, that’s us” and it’s the best thing in the world and everyone needs to talk about it.

9) AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST … THE FACE ROBERT PULLS WHEN ADAM TELLS HIM THAT AARON HAS BEEN TAKEN IN FOR SURGERY. he’s absolutely exhausted, soaking wet, damn freezing and all he seems to care about is where aaron is, why he’s in surgery and how he’s doing and it’s just !!! they literally pan out and you can see everyone moving around robert and he’s just standing there looking So Lost. he’s got the whole i can’t breathe thing going on and it’s literally heartbreaking, we’ve seen the look recently (when aaron left for dublin) but the first time in that hospital blew my mind and it was SUPERB.

BLESS YOUR SOUL FOR LETTING ME REMINISCE.

🎀🌸

[autowrite]

Ardennes Trip Journal - 28.07.19 - 10.08.19

Day 1

23:15 The adventure continues. So much to say and only 14 minutes to do it in. The accommodation is pretty crappy. An old youth hostel converted into something..maybe not even converted. I arrived with 2 woman who couldn’t find their way here with a GPS. Right now I feel like I’ve let myself down a bit. I promised myself I would be authentic, I feel like Im hiding, crawling back into my shell. I promise myself that I will do what it takes to be authentic here, even if I don’t totally know what it means. I think it has to do with flow, carefree ness. There are a few girls here that I’m attracted to, one of them is the lady in charge of the volunteers. She doesn’t have a pretty face but she wears tight clothing and she has a nice body. I like tight clothing on a nice body. I feel like I underestimated the amount of work I’ll have to do here. It seems like mostly work with a bit of free time over. I would like to see more of the surroundings but I’m not sure what, I’m not even sure how curious I am to be honest. The meals are vegetarian and don’t seem to be enough, I have a feeling I won’t be able to fall asleep quickly because I’m kinda hungry. My mind has been hijacked by Mara. I keep thinking about having a little fling with Hanna. I gave her a hug earlier when we were alone in the bathroom. Damn, how did I manage that? The truth is I’m just using her. Lust is toxic, it’s toxic. But the pull toward her is strong. If I go down this road it will lead to another and then another and then another. It doesn’t stop until I put an end to it. Until I make the decision to not engage. The people that work here are rather nice. Bert and Wim and Carlos. There are very cute and friendly young little cats here. This evening I saw the mommy cat run into the garden, frantically lookin*for one of her young ones, and then she gave her a little mice she caught to  play with. It was so adorable. I would like to use my time here to also be able to relax and read and go for walks and bloom socially.

14:00 I’m on a train. It takes almost 4 hours to get there and the time is flying. I’ve read some google reviews of the place and a lot of people say the inside looks kind of shitty and that the food is too vegan. Mixed responses. But then they also say it’s isurroinded by beautiful nature in the middle of nowhere, I’m curious about that! I think it’s going to be pretty cool. I’m tried right now, I need some sleep. I hope I get along with my colleagues, I hope that I can flip the switch and be open, spontaneous and helpful. Wild, adventurous, authentic. Funny af.  I guess all I’m looking for is a nice place to wake up in, with fresh air, some structure, a place to read and relax, a place to push myself a little in terms of social interactions! I’m glad I thought of journaling, I’ll write in this thing every day. They say that phones and WiFi doesn’t park very well there, not sire of this is a good or bad thing but I’m leaning more to it being a good thing. I’m a little worried that I’ll be my usual, rather serious, seldom-able-to-genuinely-smile self, that I’ll close up and all my (perfectly acceptable and even good) ideas will remain ideas in my head, that I might not have the courage to act on ‘em? Maybe? Perhaps? We’ll see. I got a lot of books with me, I’m happy about that. They have a piano there, playing piano is a very meditative practice (even kinda spiritual). I’m also a tad concerned that everyone will be ‘nice’ in an annoying way, like super-friendly, heart-on-their-sleeves millennials there to confront me with how old and uptight I am :-) I’m actually just a big kid inside, but showing that side takes a lot of guts, requires a lot of freedom (giving myself permission to be free), requires a certain amount of trust ofcourse. But I want just that. Carefreeism. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Ain’t no one, NO one going to give you permission to put on that hat, that’s a decision you make on your own..Writing this I feel a bit like the main character from a Michael hollebeqs ‘Whatever’. A guy who’s very aware of everything, has a fair amount of emotional intelligence, but is a little dead inside. Desperately in need of using his imagination, spontaneity. Fuck it i don’t want that! I reckon the people there will be hippy types with loose, comfortable clothing. Some dreadlock types that I will kind of look down on but they’ll be too busy living there lives (like I should be doing) to care. Fuck, when did this become a novel? I’m writing this as though someone is going to read it, someone like Lisa and I’m trying my best to be all insightful and clevah. Fuck that, this is my journal and I’ll be as daft and incoherent as I want. Meanwhile small Wallonian towns zip past me under overcast weather from this train. This little spot here is my comfort zone but also a creative abs therapeutic space. Fuck this train announce speak is loud and just above me. I’m hungry. I’m concerned abou this strict vegan policy they have there, that I’ll be hungry all the time, and won’t be able to sleep. I’m enthusiastic about apply Radical Acceptance techniques to this experience. To take the time to recognise how I feel, to ‘paise’ and offer myself some compassion perhaps. It’s okay, whatever happens: it’s okay. Showing up as you is ok. Feeling afraid and unsafe is okay. Being jouuous and free is okay. Doing you is ok. Not doing you is ok. Not having a good time is ok. You’re ok. I DON’T want to use this journal as a place to hide. A place to observe the world on the other side of some glass. Day 2

9:50 I slept ok, not great. The beds were ok. I have 10 minutes to write this and it all feels a bit rushed. I got laundry to do coz my shit is filthy. The weather is really nice and there is a really pretty courtyard with flowers and birds and little cats. Breakfast was pretty good, lots of oatmeal and things to choose from. I’m really bummed abiut the fact that our shifts here are split up in 2, through out the day, making it hard to leave the premise. I’m sitting here in the kitchen and there’s a world out there that I’d like to discover. The water for the shower is warm as opposed to hot. I’m tired but I’m so used to it that I hardly notice it anymore. I don’t feel much like talking, and others seem to want to talk. I don’t mind that much I guess, but I also want to not feel obligated to chat. But when I’m on my own i also feel a bit restless. I’m bothered by the stains on my shorts which look a bit gross. Worried that ill be limited to only the kitchen and the immediate surroundings while I’m here. The ‘sugar’ I put in my coffee is unrefined and tastes kind of gross. I have a feeling I’m going to get annoyed by the work here. I came here to work but also enjoy the surroundings. Damn. 22:30 I’m super tired right now, o feel o should have gotten more rest. They make us work a lot over here, it’s testing my laziness. I went for a walk and it was quite nice. I’m giving this experience a 6 out of 10 so far. I feel like a kid at times. I saw a horse that was blind in one eye, I stroked his face and his hit vs,r off on my finger. He seemed very ol and quite sad. I would have done more for him if I knew what he wanted. I have this feeling that I’m missing something. This afternoon I sat in front of the piano and I could lose myself in the notes. It was meditativive and restorative. It felt like something spiritual, I enjoyed it. I, tore, did I mention I was tired. I also feel a bit floppy and like...not a whole person. I’m worried that I’ll be stuck in arrested development forever, I feel so immature at times. I know that reliving the pain would fix it all but you can’t force these kind of things. Anyway, the weather is good, the people are nice and I’m happy to call it a night. I feel like I can do a lot more though.

Day 3 

22:50 I woke up today in a really bad mood. Not enough sleep, bad sleep. We eat vegan food here all day long, maybe that’s effecting it. I have quite a lot of wind, but that’s ok. I worked today, it’s 5 or 6 hours but it feels like all day. I’m happy to be here. I socialise all day too, and it’s fine. Sometimes not fine, sometimes I’m gripped with self-consciousness every time I open my damn mouth. Sometimes it feels like every single interaction is awkward, I know what is required is to let go but I probably put too much  pressure into it. Letting go is actaully effortless really, want an idea.  Anyway, I ended things with Katya today and i think this is for the best. I’m smoking too much and I think it’s for the best. I think about Carlos quite a bit, he’s quite a special dude. And Wim is leaving tomorrow and I’m sorry about that, I’m gonna miss him a little. His brother Bert is a nice guy, such an open and friendly person, with a big heart. I find it hard to make eye contact with himi, in a way. The ladies love him. Speaking of ladies I went with a walk with Hanne and I made tons of moves to the point she felt uncomfortable. When I returned I felt guilty and empty. I’d like to relax more here. I’m looking into doing something similar to this in a place with an ocean. This whole experience has been good. The work grounds me, puts things into perspective, but I have to admit I was expecting something a little better than this. I now know that my idea of farming or working in this way was merely a romantic one. Actually I want to be around creative people. People like me who want to make things, get lost in things, I’m just not yet sure what that ‘thing’ is.

Day 4 

22:40 Sitting here in the back of my corvette. Sitting here in the mountains of Spain, not claiming to know anything anymore. And so the journey begins.. Day 4. I keep asking Hanne for hugs. I worked in the garden today, I wasnt feeling it very much at  all. But I should be greatful, my teenage years were really tough, said the talk show host. I’m greatly out of touch with my center today, I could meditate on this though, embrace it, use it, it feels good to be alone. 12 minutes every single day. I’m waiting for the American cook. Hanna is leaving tomorrow for holiday in Schotland, I feel sad abiut that. And Wim left today. It was really nice getting to know him. He told me a lot about his travelling through South America. He’s got this crazy look in his eyes, he looks a bit like he took some bad acid, he also looks like someone who might be an alcoholic. I feel like I’m not capable of getting close to anyone at times, and they can sense it. I want to though, maybe they don’t notice it. Hanne is a work horse, but obviously has her own issues. She is cute though. Jeff is also cool of course. I feel like I scare people. I got a nice compliment from Carlos who said I should do stand up comedy. Where the heck is Lorenzo at? He said that to me 2 once. I get my energy by losing myself in creativity, making jokes. I get my creativity from a lot of things. Right now I’m in bed, nothing to be said. Right now I live like there’s a tomorrow, a red car racing. Like MJ and codependency. I called Lisa, she sounded enthusiastic and happy to hear from me. Latisha is doing well and is her cute self, miss her. I saw someone take one of the little cats away today and I cried just a little. I’m sure she  will be loved in her new home.

Day 5

21:50 Day 5 in Orval. I like it here, it’s peaceful. The grass is green, the birds sing and there’s cats around. I worked in the kitchen today and then then the garden. Enough to fill the day and I’m tired and ready for bed. Hanna left for Schotland today, I fooled around with her in her bedroom, but she held me at bay and I wasn’t interested in treating her like a sex object. She’s sweet and deserves a lot better. Carols was up to his usual tricks, conspiracy theories and what not. We found out today that I weigh twice as much as him. I’m actually gaining weight here, crazy. I’m saving money while being here, and doing the right thing. One of my goals being here is to show up authentically every single day. I’m kind of doing that, but sometimes I’m not sure what that means. I think it involves using my body. My work ethic has become a bit of a joke, I’m the guy that breaks away from the kitchen to play piano, it has crossed my mind that I like it when people are talking about me, even f it’s negative, even if it’s laughing. I think i night want constant reassurance, but deep down I want something more real than that, you know? Meditate on that. I’m not meditating, but enough about me. Wim is returning tomorrow, that’s cool. Not sure if I have a half day off tomorrow or not. The good is great. I haven’t eaten a single animal product in 5 days. I feel fine, I don’t feel amazing though, like the early days of changing my diet. Worked with Jeff in the garden, the sun was shining real pretty like, I posed as a Mexican drug cartel worker, it was silly. I thought I lost my kindle, but I didn’t.  I want to make plans to go on more walks, do some excercise, get up early. I would like to make kale smoothies too. I had an amazing insigh today, often when people talk to me, I feel a lot of tightening up around the heart. Construction of the heart. It’s clear in a way. That’s when I decide to relax and look the person right in the eye, and I feel the wall, the constricting melt a little. Other times I feel the opposite way, other times I feel my heart opening up, and I feel love and I honestly feel like giving the people around me a big big. There are people here that have stayed for 5 months. You can save money by being here. Don’t got back to Hurtsville. Your time here is good.

Day 6 

23:10 Day 6 in bold. They make us work too much over here. I did some weeding today, fuck, never doing that again. I lasted an entire hour. I think I’d lose my mind if I were a farmer, I need people too much. Need em to reassure me, tell me I’m alive. It’s been a long day, we work about 32 hours/week here. That’s almost a full time job, what a crappy candle. The highlight of my day might have been my meditation. Sitting under a tree with a horsefly that I killed,  it very Buddha like. The meditation helped me become more grounded. Later I went on Facebook. What the help are we doing with our lives? My her is Conan, what a silly name. How does this guy come up with so many jokes, he’s so damn funny. ‘My riff-gun was jammed’ Patton Oswald. I need a plan or a goal while I’m here. I’m stuck on this island and I’m not alone. More walks please, more excercise. Wim returned and that’s cool.

Day 7

22:40 Carlos the little monkey with the conspiracy theories. I’m getting back into using my phone again, and a little bit of porn too. It was very tiring day today. Wim and I went for a walk, we went to the abdij where Orval beer is made but we didn’t go in. We got personal, talked about heavy, personal stuff. I can’t say that it did much for me. I still feel like a sense of self, or bottom or ground is missing, and that’s ok, that’s just the kind of guy I am. We worked a lot and I felt so lazy, so tired. We are working something like 35 hours a week. I haven’t worked this much in a long time, it’s more work than I expected obviously. The weather was good, new groups have arrived and I find myself eyeing the ladies. I make a lot of jokes and everyone laughs at them it’s almost too easy. Acceptance. Nature. Hide away, dancing. 5 rhythm dancing. Dance to Maastricht. I don’t know, I don’t know. I don’t know. Bert used to live in Costa Rica. He’s so at ease with himself it’s crazy. He says it’s all about being in the body, and dancing and yoga and some meditation. Wim must feel overshadowed a little, I still really enjoy playing the piano, I still feel the need to be an entertainer or performer of some kind. Do your best forget the rest, thanks for coming.

Day 8

00:15 Im beat, what a day. I feel tired and immature. The asshole social worker. We cleaned today, the entire kitchen. It was a time of laziness, and work and seriousness. I, getting fatter over here. The American cook showed up. And a very young couple. And the bosss and his hens. The American cook is called Mark or Marc and he comes acrosss like a healthy and capable man with an eye for the ladies. His wife or girlfriend also seems nice. I met a very nice girl today called Sophie, me and Wim had a drink with her. It’s good to be here, good to be in the real world. On Tuesday I get my day off, I guess the only thing I’m planning to do is rest. Wim and I are getting closer, lots of laughs and stuff. I feel small and inadequate right now and it’s uncomfortable, but I’ll breathe into it, accept it,  have it down the whole. I think you can do a lot with it but maybe never fully get used to it. Or something? I coughed a lot, I have a slight hangover now. I’m still impressed with this Sophie girl I just met. She seems so nice. I feel fat. Stick to your principals.

Day 9 

00:05 Camp fire singing. I should count my blessings. I feel a bit like a coward but I guess I should be proud that I sang. I lost my center, but that’s ok, everything is ok. Lots of laughs with Wim, I’m going to miss that dude. Staring at Melissa’s legs a lot. Cooking in the kitchen, with Mark and his pleasant wife. Mark is not a Buddhist, but he respects them. I felt intense shame while trying my best to play guitar. I want to frame it differently though, I want to quantify it coz I want to pass through it. Pass through the eye of the storm, it’s so nice on the other side, I’m sure of it. Sophie is so nice, I haven’t met a girl that nice in a while. Feels like I keep holding back, but beating myself up over it doesn’t make it better, doesn’t change anything. I woke up late and missed most of breakfast. I was in a lousy mood. Wim offered to do my dishes. There are so many people here, it’s non-stop interaction, at times it gets a bit much. I took a nap today and passed out almost immediately. I feel embarrassed by my weight. A new volunteer arrived in heels. Katy the 19 year old girl stood very close to me when i did something on my phone. Marks music is a bit boring in the kitchen. Wim and I shared many laughs, he’s a good guy. He cracks me up, I’m lucky to have him here. It’s good to be random, it’s good to not make sense, it’s a way to shake it all off. Inside of me is a child that wants to be let out. It wants light and air and to be seen, but he doesn’t feel safe. He’s embarrassed and ashamed and doesn’t feel good enough, but it’s the closest to something real I’ll ever feel. Jeff is a really nice, sincere, honest dude. I like him. But I gotto be real, if I don’t care I don’t care. Life I can be tough, so confusing at times. But I’m here, I’m doing this, I’m a alive, I laugh a lot, I accept.

Day 10

23:15 The skies were gray today. Wim left for the second time and he took Thomas with him. I was having a bad day until I took a nap and did some journaling. I walked down the road by myself and sat some of the crappy but charming neighbourhood housing. I’m eating less and less and I feel great right now. All this vegan food, no meat for almost 2 weeks. I feel looser today, happy to be around Wim and Jeff, happy to talk bullshit, more in a flow. Out there the air is thick with rain air, and tents are scattered across the grass bellow me. Mark is a nice guy but I notice we all get a bit more serious when he’s around us. It’s interesting to note that. I’ve been travelling with my dick in my pocket, I made a move on one of the girls here and I plan on subtly making moves on Katy, or whatever her name is, which is kind of gross of me. I should be ashamed of myself.. but enough about me, I was just following my dick. It feels good to be here though, I’m going to miss it. I’m glad I met Wim and plan to see him when I get back to Antwerp to talk more bullshit, etc etc. ALl these interactions can get a bit much. Melissa is so serious. The energy is good here.

Day 11

00:50 Nothings wrong I don’t get it. Hootchie girl, tease, this is. It going as planned. I strummed my guitar like a beast, leaflets on the floor. Better tomorrow. This is silly. This is silly, I care and I don’t care because I do t know what the heck I’m doing. I just want to stand for something in life. That’s all she said, the importance of being strong and saying something. I’m welcome back anytime. The bird is here, on the roof, performing for god knows who. Unable to break through, because no one ever gave him permission to. That’s sad but dead, gotto get the scream out of my system. I’m glad for you but not excited, we want the same things only different. Artists inside,  but vague in what we want. You’re tall, I’m tall, let’s make babies, let’s quit smoking. I lied to you actually. I’m not hurt, not going in some direction. Taking the piles a day at a time. William Prine, bathroom break. Big butt girl called Anoek, soft eyes, another girl under my belt, I feel gross about it , leaning into the fear is like leaning into the sun. we sat around a fire today, we played songs. Sophie leaned against me until our backs became uncomfortable. The smoke in my hair, the smoke in all of ours. I tried to be brave, I was brave, I sang the best I could. Now is not the time, my defence mechanism is cunning and baffling, I relate to it. I would rather have nothing that be a shaky leaf trying to ‘score’, I feel embarrassed and ashamed and I seek re-assurance. It’s ok toadman, see you at the breakfast table. DAY 13

4:00 I don’t understand what happened. Caily contacted me and told me she was raped by Mark. The American cook I liked. I don’t understand. I don’t feel much, just inklings of some confusion. I’m unable to let this idea sink in property. Raped?? Mark the guy I spent 5 days with raped a 19 year old girl?? Threatened her with a knife?? I don’t understand, this doesn’t compute with me. Caily is a wonderful person, sweet, real, authentic. She contacted me, we chatted for hours. I hope she’s ok, even though I don’t know what to feel. I tired to just keep her company, be there for her. I’m trying to think what I would do if I saw him. He might have ruined a 19 year old girls life.. she’s numb right now and traumatised. This is the world we live in. People who are innocent and real get preyed on by predators it seems. They have their innocence taken away. Caily is one of the most innocent and authentic girls I’ve ever met. So incredibly naive in a way. This man preyed on that if this really happened. I hope she’s ok. I hope she’s able to live fully again. I hope she’s able to process all this, to trust again.

Day 14 conclusions and shit

T’was a perfectly imperfect trip. The conclusion rests in the balance of: I had a really enjoyable time, I’m glad that I went there. As I sit in black shorts and shoes with holes in them on a bench in Antwerp, Orval seems pretty far away already. But it’s cool. I’m not yet sure what to  make about the ending though. A girl might have been raped. I think she was raped because she’s at the police right now. On the last day we did a big clean of the kitchen, the 2nd one during my stay. Sofie was with is helping in the kitchen, chopping onions and doing a splendid job. I was tired from the night before, the third night of building a camp fire and playing sharades and some songs. We gathered the fire wood ourselves, firewood that spat and crackled and carried a few ticks. Caily was with us. We had so much fun. And Jef. Oh how I remeber that night, it was like it was yesterday, or the day before yesterday, which it was. A little sprinkler water to cool us off, we dragged Melissa through the snow, coughing and spitting and giggling like a happy school child. We did good and we did her good

[ellrond]

flint 📣 LOVES 📣 having silver sit on his face, loves when he can't breathe properly and silver laughs at him (kinda breathlessly as well), loves when silver starts grinding down so good and comes all over flints chest (does he love when silver feeds his cum to him afterwards as well? yes), loves when hes panting, face wet af and mouth just not closing hes so dazed. hope ur having a nice week xx

Sex cw Silver stroking himself as Flint holds him apart in his strong hands and bites and licks him, thumb pressing inside of him slightly, Silver's back arched and John grinning like he's winning this wretched game Ignoring his captain's obvious need even after he has finished, getting up and cleaning himself, pulling on his shirt and breeches and jacket and drinking Flint's rum straight from the bottle.Flint lying there and watching him, so desperately unattended to that it makes his forehead crease and eyes close and when he is about to relieve himself he hears the other man chuckle and tell him to not even think about it. Flint in, as you said, a daze.Silver shooting rum and grinning as smugly as the first time he suggested that he and Flint might one day be friends, sinking to his knees in front of the cot that Flint is still a sweating mess upon.Flint wanting to knot his hands into thick and dark hair but Silver holds a silent power over him that prevents him from doing so right now, and when he instead leans up to kiss the young man Silver moves away, slides his hand over Flint's short and hard need. The captain biting back frustrated moans when he is squeezed and not stroked. Silver chuckling again, so sly and so pleased with himself that he can have Captain Flint in such a mess with seemingly so little-His mouth haphazard and unrefined and too eager for any kind of technique that other men and women might have lavished upon Flint but it is good enough, sloppy and wet and hungry. Flint finishing with a hiss and grunt in his mouth, thrusting up and making him choke, making him take it all down, his hands having at last found their way into curls. Silver looking without dignity and composure and Flint lacking both too, caught somewhere between anger at having being played with like a toy, and tender gratitude for the same thing. Djfjnf stop turning me into silverflint trash im too pure 4 these sinners 😩🌊

[jjillekkot]

ONE🍎

Name: (⺣◡⺣)♡* ( if you’ve seen it, consider it a miracle tbh ) Nickname: Nina. Zodiac sign: Cancer/Leo cusp, Dog. Height: 5′2. smol af. Orientation: Demi. Ethnicity: Native American/American Indian; Black; Irish. what a combo, ik. Favorite fruit: Mango && starfruit. I also like jackfruit but omg in small doses. ( that’s story time if you’re interested ) Favorite season: Spring. Favorite books: Dante Aligheri’s Divine Comedy && J.M. Barrie’s Peter Pan. Favorite flower: Lilies && Baby’s Breath. Favorite scent: Vanilla, sandalwood, light floral scents. Favorite animal: -- Coffee, tea, or hot cocoa? All of the above && boba, tbh. Average hours of sleep: 6-10. Yes, seriously. Cats or dogs? I love kitties ;; but puppers are so cute too. animals are so pure ok. Favorite fictional character: Peter Pan && Connor Kenway && Aladdin. I’ve loved Peter since I was 2, I have a huge collection of Connor things && I can recite every Aladdin film from beginning to end. I have a problem. Dream trip: Visiting my friends tbh. I’d like to interact with more indigenous peoples, too. When was your blog created? Late September 2016. What do you post about? Cute diplomat smol with sprinkles of angst. Do you get asks on a regular basis? I think so? Especially if I post dramatic/emotional memes. I’d love to have more spontaneous interactions, though. && maybe a little affection. but just a little. //does angeal pinch. Aesthetic: Simplistic, minimalistic, unrefined, natural, historical, aged, faded.  Favorite band/artist? Dir en grey. Own every album, listen to every sub-group, only people I’ll voluntarily cry in public for. Fictional characters I’d date: Connor Kenway, the Sparda twins, Jotaro Kujo, any Turk tbh, Aladdin. Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw.

TWO🍏

Countries I’ve lived in: USA, Cambodia. Considering teaching abroad, tho. Favorite fandom: JoJo, Sailor Moon, DMC, MGS, Xeno. I like FF, KH, Persona && Zelda, but they don’t make me super emotional like the others. Languages you speak: English, some Spanish & French, Khmer, && I can read Hebrew decently ( I tried Korean back when I was into kpop, but that’s faded a bit ). Favorite film of 2016: Kubo & the Two Strings. Last article you read:  American healthcare stuff.  Shuffle your music library and put your first three songs here: Drake // Passionfruit ;; Kaskade // Disarm You ;; The Neighborhood // R.I.P 2 My Youth Last thing you bought online: Ah, I think it was a thank you gift to @redpupxiii ? How would your enemies describe you? 'Overachiever’ tbh.  Who would you take a bullet for? I’d try to diffuse the situation && either be shot directly or caught in a crossfire tbh. Not really a “shoot me instead” kinda girl.

Tagged by: @firelies ( thank you!! ) Tagging: @adventson @akamure @argentnoir @axgmented @backwaterheroics @thecxmmissioner @grxvidus @joutouda @ofturks @pierccr @rude-at-your-service @rcnoschopper @fairlegacy @kyouminaine && anyone else interested! 

[ama-accountability]

"NINA'S VEGAN AQUAFABA BUTTER   FORB. 3 min TILB. 1 min I ALT 4 min   Simple vegan butter with no special ingredients. If you sterilize your utensils with boiling water first, you prolong the shelf life of the butter - which should be about 7 days (except first time you make it, then it will be around 5 minutes from taking the first bite). You want the aquafaba to be slightly chilled and the oil to be around room temperature when you mix them. Af: PlantePusherne Giver: ½ C INGREDIENSER 3 tbs (45 ml) aquafaba (yes, it's chickpea water) 1/3 C + 1 tbs (1 dl) coconut oil (I prefer virgin coconut oil but you can taste the coconut. Odourless coconut oil will make it VERY buttery) 1tbs + 1tsp (20 ml) cold pressed rapeseed oil, canola or olive oil or a similar oil that you like the taste of. Or try a blend! 2/3 tsp Apple cider vinegar or freshly squeezed lemon juice (or if you have, ⅛ tsp of lactic acid) 1/3 tsp salt METODE Let the coconut oil melt gently until it's almost all liquid. Remove the pan from the heat and let the rest melt. Add your rapeseed or other preferred oil. Let the oil mixture cool to room temperature. Pour the (just under room temperature cold) aquafaba in a narrow container with the salt and vinegar. Start blending it with an immersion blender/stick blender. With the blender running, slowly pour the oils in, all while making sure all oil thoroughly incorporated before you add more. It should take a couple of minutes to add all the oil and achieve a thick mayo like consistancy. (If you live in a hot area I suggest you place the container on a bag of frozen peas when pouring in the oil, to help the process along) IF you taste test it, know that it will taste pretty salty and tangy. This will be numbed a bit when it has chilled and remember, that you normally eat butter WITH something and not on it's own (right?) so it will be easier to make final judgements when spreading it on toast...mmm... Pour it in a suitable container - DO NOT COVER IT - and put it in the fridge (or maybe a short while in freezer if you're in a hurry). It will take some hours for the butter to solidify, I recommend leaving it one night in the fridge. Store it in the fridge, especially if you live in a hot area. Depending on what blend of oils you used (unrefined coconut is softer then the refined one) you should be able to spread it directly from the fridge. Leave it on the counter for 15 minutes to make it even softer. TIPS - It is very important to not cover the butter while it solidifies. If you want you can put a clean piece of cloth over it, but do NOT put it in an air tight container (or it might take forever to reach solid, buttery state). Once solid, cover it as much as you like. Note that when you spread it it will look a little flaky (in the truest sense if the word). Don't worry it will still feel velvety soft while melting on you tounge! And if you wipe it once or twice with your knife while buttering, it will loose the flaky look. - I prefer to use cold pressed rapeseed oil, since it adds a buttery taste to the butter. But just be aware, that the oils will add flavor to the final butter. - When taken from the fridge and warming up a bit, the butter might shed some drops of aquafaba. No biggie, It's just, I don't want you to feel awkward - mine does it to. Ignore them or gently remove them with papertowel. - Using other than an immersion blender - please read FAQ below." More info found in link

[willow-free]

Okay, so I’m looking up quotes from Mark Twain to help with a project in my Government class and holy hell, this guy was fricking fantastic. He’s salty AF. These quotes are GREAT

“I can live for two months on a good compliment”

“She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.”

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

“If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat.”

“When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.”

“It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.”

“All right, then, I’ll go to Hell.”

“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”

“It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare good impromptu speech.”

“Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”

This is honestly just the tip of the iceberg of what I found, but truth be told I never expected Mark Twain to be so #relatable