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reve-de-sang · 11 days

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continued from here, in which Lestat and Louis face an arranged marriage so that Claudia can be born as foretold and save everyone's ass.

Lestat is presented an infant onesie for his future theoretical daughter and accidentally laughs in Florence de Pointe du Lac's face. No one appreciates his existential crisis.

Lestat, of course, had ruined it all by laughing.

Not right away. No, not right off the bat.

The morning after the delegates’ introductions, when the Europeans had relocated to the estate they had procured for their visit, Marius had called them into his new office for an emergency meeting despite everyone’s fatigue.

(Marius was still ridiculous in his decor choices, Lestat observed. Who needed an actual giant globe in 2024?)

Pandora, who had been able to stand back and observe at last night's introductions, led with her impressions of the event—an assessment of the miasma of thoughts in the room. To lay most of the blame where it was due, David had originally been the one to accidentally prime the proceedings for derailment. The North American delegation, already prickly about the whole endeavor, had been affronted during David’s preliminary visit by the liberties he took in acting as if the European vampires were in charge of this joint venture.

And the de Pointe du Lac family were already unhappy about marrying off their scion to an unknown foreigner as a sacrifice to prevent some theoretical threat. David’s deafness to their anxieties had offended them. Louis had been offended by the man’s pompousness, his old school unexamined casual racism, and David’s inability to totally mentally conceal his thoughts of appreciation for Louis’s physique.

(Regarding the latter, Armand had sympathized that David was only human, and it would take a far more mentally powerful vampire to obscure lustful thoughts about de Pointe du Lac—it was a real concern. Lestat demanded they all show a little respect toward his husband—but my god, wasn’t he ethereal? Pandora hushed them with an exhaustion that seemed to come from deep within her soul.)

And then this arrogant chiseled blue-eyed blond Frenchman had sailed in and looked at their scion like his sole mission in life was to defile Louis as quickly and thoroughly as possible. The Americans had actually braced for him to start disrobing at any moment. (Armand offered that that was, in fact, the purpose of Lestat’s role in this endeavor. Marius glowered.)

Lestat had then proceeded to offend their matriarch by laughing at her.

David was terribly embarrassed and stammered his apologies, but the immediate ire in the room swung to Lestat for administering the final blow.

“I am far too tired to defend myself at this trial,” Lestat groaned, knuckling an eye. “It was a nervous reflex! I know our joint purpose here is to usher in a future queen, but I was unprepared to be presented an infant onesie.”

“She had personally hand-knit it. Cashmere.”

Lestat buried his face in his hands. “You know I can make this right. Please just let me sleep.” Lestat threw down his hands in his lap. “And never use David as a diplomat again!” He turned to David, “I love you, but you must know you are better suited to academia. You have failed me as a wingman.”

David conceded the point with a wince. “My apologies.”

“We’ll reconvene this evening,” Marius said, rubbing the bridge of his nose indicating a stress headache Lestat was fairly certain he was not physiologically capable of having.

—

The next evening Lestat lingered in his coffin after sunset, staring up at the silk lining invisible to him in the utter blackness. Lestat was not one to cringe from gaffes. He didn’t dwell. Lestat was a man of action.

Still, he was going to need a moment for this one.

Lestat had walked into a powder keg, ignorant their mission was on life support, and had vaporized the last of the good will with a reflexive peal of laughter when Florence de Pointe du Lac presented him the dainty white hand knit onesie she had crafted for her granddaughter.

The temperature in the de Pointe du Lac household had plummeted to temperatures as yet unrecorded by science by the time the European delegates left that morning, so Lestat may well be still recovering from frostbite.

Lestat had found Louis’s escalation from irritated to hostile staggeringly alluring, while at the same time Lestat’s heart had plummeted in his chest. Louis certainly inspired intense strange new combinations of emotions in him.

But honestly. It had been two hours from sunrise on a night unnaturally stretched six hours longer than usual, given the time difference! And the stress of the night had been enormous!

He had been standing next to the most beautiful man he’d ever seen.

A man vampires the world over were all waiting impatiently for him to have so much sex with as soon as possible!

And suddenly there had been this impossibly tiny physical reminder that he and Louis were going to create a nascent person out of their DNA, and Lestat was going to push her out of a very new and completely untested hole in his body, and that person would probably hate him as much as he’d hated his father, and then probably 20 years later she was supposed to put her life in danger as if Lestat’s daughter’s life was somehow less important than all these other chickenshit vampires who couldn’t hold their own against some furious vampire queen.

It had snuck up on him.

And so he had laughed uproariously, terror in his heart.

—

The delegation gave him the dignity of half an hour to mope that evening—hopefully strategize, but probably mope—and then Armand rapped on the lid of his coffin.

“You’re so lucky you’re pretty. Guess who’s inviting you out to dinner at an exclusive New Orleans vampire club slash speakeasy?”

Lestat pressed his palms over his face as a huge wash of relief hit him, once again surprising himself with yet another sudden strong emotion in less than 24 hours. He furiously willed the blood tears away.

«Why, it must be Florence de Pointe du Lac, non? She struck me as the warm, gracious, forgiving type.»

“I am absolutely ready to go on this date with Louis in your stead at a moment’s notice. I’ll give him your apologies.”

Lestat sighed. «Get me the Gaultier. No—» Lestat sighed again, more profoundly. «The conservative Tom Ford. I can be subtle when the occasion calls for it.»

“Honestly, you might as well dress like you’re here to procreate. Play into your strengths.”

Lestat pushed his coffin open, glaring as he climbed out. “I am more than my genitals and destiny, Armand. And aren’t you supposed to be here for support?”

“My power dictates my presence. And also Marius gets horny when he’s stressed.” Armand’s ass was perched on the edge of the vanity, a tall glass of fresh blood for Lestat next to him on the highly polished wood. “But most of all you’ve been assigned to save society by getting knocked up by a beautiful man who’d rather cut your throat—I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

He offered the glass to Lestat. “Drink this fast. You have to be there in 45 minutes.”

Lestat did not set Armand on fire in Lestat’s first act of being subtle.

#lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #loustat #armand #iwtv #armand didn't even have to make the entertainment it came to him #vamptember #prompt: slow burn

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sinisterexaggerator · 3 months

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After gaining max affinity with Nick Valentine, I am not okay. 😭😭😭 THAT POOR BABY!! Having an existential crisis after committing murder, Eddie telling him he’s not even alive, just some robot, and Eddie being the only fucking thing that connects his old life to his memories after WAKING UP IN A GOD DAMN GARBAGE DUMPSTER. IF I EVER FIND THE INSTITUTE MOTHERFUCKER WHO THREW HIM IN THERE, I SWEAR TO GOD!!!!

Like, come on!!!!! THIS MAN HAS BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH!?!!! WHY CAN’T I ROMANCE HIM?! I guess I have to do this shit myself. Nick x Reader coming soon, Jesus Christ.

#nick valentine #fallout #fallout 4

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madphantom · 5 months

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The entire way my boyfriend and I got together is INSANE in hindsight because like:

Last year I went to a camp with some friends and on the first evening, a pretty young and nervous guy had a panic attack / existential crisis because it suddenly clicked for him that he was away from all parental control for the first time. I was trying to calm him down when this random punky guy with massive earrings showed up to see if he could help. Upon hearing my friend ask "is anything even real?" he fucking. Pushes his dentures out of his mouth with his tongue like some kind of unexpected eldritch horror and as we are properly freaked out, says "These definitely aren't real. Hi, I'm [REDACTED] by the way, and you?"

What followed was an about four hour long conversation during which he mentioned that he talks a lot in his sleep and that his favourite animals are hyaenas and at this point I had a total crush on him but was kind of too shy to say anything because he seemed entirely too cool for me, so instead of behaving like a normal person I spent the next several days playing table tennis for hours because he basically lived at the tennis table.

Then came the last day and I kind of awkwardly hovered around him trying to ask him for his number, but then my phone battery swelled up and almost exploded and then it started pouring raining and finally I was sitting in my friend's car and cursing myself because I had absolutely no way to contact him and nothing to go by except for a first name.

So I. Did some detective work. Went through the entire follower list of the camp's Instagram page. And as it turns out, only one person with that name followed them, and that person just happened to wear huge silver earrings in their profile picture, anddd he accepted my follow request so wahoo! I found him!

Then we didn't talk to each other for two months.

Two months later, I went to another camp which had been advertised in the first one. I was there a day earlier than the official start but kind of forgot that it hadn't officially started yet, so when he didn't show up that day I just assumed he wasn't coming and gave up. Cut to me on day two, the entire camp is gathered and the shifts are being distributed, and the girl distributing asks who wants to take the awareness shift for the next day, someone behind me raises their hand, she asks "what's your name?" and I get a mini heart attack when I hear a familiar voice say "I'm [REDACTED]".

Turns out he did show up. We pretty much immediately started telling each other how the last two months were and then we ended up talking until like two in the morning, and that's pretty much how it went every day, we were just yapping basically 24/7 until he had to practically beg me to go to sleep.

On the second to last day one of my friends mentioned that the weather at home would be great for a barbecue, so I got an idea. In an honestly fucking ridiculous move, I decided to have a barbecue among my friends and invite him so it's not too awkward. I threw a whole ass party because I could not bear to awkwardly invite my crush, and amazingly, despite initial hesitation, he agreed to come.

After the second camp we started texting on Instagram. A month later he did indeed show up at the barbecue and we had a lot of fun. He brought me a couple cans of his favourite mate brand. After that we didn't see each other for four months.

In January he wanted to come to my hometown for a protest, but the trains were on strike. In February we tried again, this time successful. Had some fun times exchanging gossip. I invited him to my birthday.

He showed up at my birthday. Some of my friends had a fight and he spent a lot of time outside with my best friend smoking. At some point she, apparently, told him "well, I know for a fact you're very important to Maddie" which tbh is the most bizarre way to tell someone I have a huge crush on them. Long story short, he couldn't stay long that evening, so he asked if he could make up for it by stopping by the next weekend.

The next weekend was the first time we actually spent a significant amount of time together alone. We hiked up to this hilltop where you can see the entire city and basically told each other our entire life story and then we hung out a bit with some of my friends in the university film studio to warm up because it was kind of chilly and it was nice and we agreed that we should repeat that.

Easter came around. The week before he asked if he could come around for two days in a row and I was like of fucking course, so he did. Brought an entire palette of our now mutual favourite mate brand because I mentioned the nearby supermarket stopped selling it. We spent the day together and at some point in the afternoon he turned to me and asked "are we just hanging out or is this a date?" and all I could say was "uh" and the conversation just kind of died there because I'm dumb as rocks.

Later that evening I took him to one of my favourite spots in the city, a plateau right under a motorway bridge where you can see the entire city, and we drank mate and watched the city lights and then he turns to me and goes "I wasn't gonna make any stupid decisions anymore, but I think this might not be one of them - I think I'm in love with you"

And I was grinning like a maniac, but it was dark, and he couldn't see my face and was like "SAY SOMETHING PLEASE" so dumb as I am I replied "DITTO" and then he talked about how important consent is to him and asked if we could kiss. And then we kissed, and then he gifted me a steel ring with a heart on it and I gifted him a kandi bracelet with ACAB spelled out on it, and then I got to tell him I'd been pining for him like a stupid lovesick moron for eight months while he was completely sure he was going to die alone and then we walked home holding hands and counting bats and ever since we've been a dream team.

And to think it all started because Dennis had a fucking panic attack.

#personal post #boyfriend shenanigans

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 1 year

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If we're gonna do this we gonna do it right!.... Song fic (or headcanon; whatever fits your mood) of Silver & Deuce trying to set Lilia & Mama Spade up for a date; cameo of "Kiss the Girl" moment from the OG Little Mermaid >:3c

[Referencing this unofficial blog event!]

*makes a banner that looks like a little kid bashing two of their dolls’ heads together* I decided to use Lilia’s Clubwear look for the banner since that’s the closest thing to “casual clothes” he has. I also threw in some… guest stars, shall we say, to spice up the situation! Kronk voice) Oh yeah, it’s all coming together 😎

I wrote headcanons again since I'm already working on quite a few longer pieces in the background. I went wild with this one, so I hope you enjoy!

Curiouser and Curiouser...

Deuce regularly spoke with his mom over the phone about the recent happenings in their lives. What he didn't expect was for her to announce that she was visiting the town on Sage's Island tomorrow. "I've been improving my computer skills, Deuce!" Dylla told him proudly. "I've been doing that instant messaging thing that's all the rage with you kiddos. I even made myself an online friend! I'm going to meet him in town. I'll come see you afterwards, okay?"

Well, that just sent Deuce into an existential crisis. Sure, his mom was a tough, independent woman that could fend for herself, but he had a tendency to fret for her wellbeing, especially knowing what he put her through in his delinquent phase. What if the "online friend" was a total creep or even someone dangerous? She deserved nothing less than the best company (and anyone that so much as looked at her the wrong way would soon find Deuce coming at them full throttle to slug them in the face).

He can't focus during lectures or on his homework at all. Deuce just keeps fidgeting and pacing back and forth, his thoughts wracked with worry. At some point, he can't contain himself and blurts everything out to Ace (first mistake).

Ace decides to pounce on this opportunity to tease his roomie. "Dude, she's definitely meeting a secret boyfriend for a date. You'd better start preparing lines to kiss ass to your soon-to-be-stepdad."

"MY MOM WOULDN'T DO THAT!! N-Not without telling me about it at least..." Deuce insists--but as irritating as Ace is, his immature jokes only feed the paranoia. Was it possibly true? Was his mom seeing an unknown man, considering bringing him into their family?! Those thoughts swirl in his head and cloud his better judgment when he turns in for the night.

The very next day, Deuce makes a beeline to the town to put his nerves to rest. I'm just going to watch them to make sure nothing weird's going on and that mom stays safe!! He's in such a hurry that he barely registers Ace shouting after him, "It was just a prank, bro! I didn't think you'd actually take it this seriously!", nor the startled Silver (+ a bird friend resting on his shoulder) and angry Sebek that he crashes into.

Right as Sebek starts on a fresh tirade (“Watch where you’re going, human!! Have you no regards for your seniors?!”), Deuce shoves right by him with an, “Aaah, I don’t have time for this! Mom’s in a pinch!!”

"What NERVE, running off while you're being berated for your negligence?! GET BACK HERE, I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!!" (And so Sebek gives chase after him)

"Sebek, wait..." (But he's already long gone, and too frenzied in his pursuit, that he doesn't pay his fellow knight any mind.) "... I wonder what all that was about," Silver sighs. I should follow them to make sure things don't get out of hand.

He's a few steps down the road when he hears someone fast approaching from behind. Who should appear but an out-of-breath Ace. "Hey, Silver-senpai! Did you see Deuce going this way?! Sheesh, can that guy run! Took off so fast, I couldn't keep up..."

"I did. He ran into town, and Sebek after him."

"Great! That's all I needed to know, thanks!" And then Ace, too, is gone. (Silver, pure soul that he is, incorrectly assumes the best of him. If Deuce and Sebek both leave campus without getting the right permissions for it, they could both get in trouble. Ace is so considerate to go and help his friend. He's really living up to the Heartslabyul spirit and creed.)

The four boys eventually find each other again in town (Silver trailing after Ace, Ace tracking down Sebek by his loud voice, and Sebek locating Deuce, who is shadily staring daggers at a pair window shopping).

Sebek’s back to shouting at Deuce, Ace is telling Sebek to can it, and Deuce is ignoring them both. "Who's that guy mom's with?! I can't see too well from this far away, but I can't get any closer in case I'm spotted..." Deuce grumbles to himself.

“Hold up, lemme see!!” Ace nosily butts in, squinting at the duo in the distance. “Huh, it kinda looks like Lilia-senpai from this angle, but I must be wrong... right?”

Silver looks where Deuce and Ace are, and his heart nearly stops. "F-Father?!" The word is out of his mouth before he can reel it back in—Sebek’s face is affixed in horror at the slip, and the Heartslabyul boys absolutely lose it.

“Whaaaat?! I-If your dad is my mom’s date… then… th-then… Silver-senpai and I will become stepbrothers?!”

“Forget that!! What I wanna know is, why does Silver-senpai’s dad look like a carbon copy of Lilia-senpai in a different hairstyle and punkier clothes?!”

“WHAT NONSENSE ARE YOU BLATHERING ON ABOUT NOW?! Hold your tongue, cur! You know not of what you speak!! C-Clearly Silver’s father does NOT resemble our esteemed Lilia-sama in any way, shape, or form!!” Sebek bellowed angrily. “TELL THEM, SILVER!!”

“Er… yes, that’s right. I’m afraid I don’t see the resemblance at all. They are nothing alike."

(The Diasomnia duo had been totally blindsided by this turn of events; when Lilia had told them earlier that he was going to meet up with an online friend, they hadn't expected it, in actuality, to have been a date. Silver had thought Lilia was going to meet his long-time gaming buddy, Gloomy Samurai, in person, not a classmate's MOTHER.)

“Are you both sleeping with your eyes open or something?! That SO totally looks like Lilia-senpai,” Ace protests—but Deuce (bless him) is somehow 100% convinced. In fact, this realization just fuels him even more!!

"We should leave. It would be rude of us to intrude on their private time together," Silver tries to suggest--but no, Deuce won't back down at this point.

"Silver-senpai! ... No, future stepbrother Silver-senpai!!" Deuce says very, VERY seriously, "Don't stop me now! I have to do this....!! I have to make sure your dad's the right man for my mom."

Sebek begins to raise his voice again, but (shockingly) Silver puts an arm in front of him, silencing the first year. Silver's expression turns very fierce, matching the hardness in Deuce's eyes. "I can assure you, my father is a good man. He would never bring harm to, nor disrespect, anyone. I apologize, but I won't allow you to remain suspicious of my father. If he wishes to court another, then that should be his prerogative, and I fully support him."

But like a boulder, Deuce's determination is difficult to shift. "Even if it's you asking me to step down, I won't!! This is important to me. My mom is important to me!!"

Those words seem to strike a chord with Silver, whose features soften. "... I understand. If that's the case, then prove your resolve to me, man to man--and I will demonstrate mine." ("Ohoh!! Silver has thrown down the gauntlet!! What do you say, human?! Do you accept his challenge?!" Sebek cries in the background. Ace eyes the situation warily--how quickly his teasing had spiraled into something serious.)

"I gotchu." Deuce slams a fist into an open palm, grin wicked--his delinquent side coming out. "We'll throw down, get our parents to show off their best attributes to each other."

"It's settled then."

"We'll make their date go smoothly!! That way, we'll see just how much of their good points' come out and if they're suited for each other or not."

"Agreed. It is simple."

"It's so obvious!"

"How did you guys even come to THAT conclusion?! You totally skipped some steps there,” Ace groaned (amidst Sebek's way-too-interested chanting). "You guys rubbed your collective two brain cells and that's the best thing you could come up with?!"

The boys shadow Lilia and Dylla for a few hours, but nothing that interesting happens. It’s mostly them talking and sightseeing (plus the occasional bad pun, which sets Deuce's mom into hysterics), not really doing anything inherently romantic. Ace starts to sweat, realizing the hole he’s dug himself into. If they figure out this was all based on a bad joke, then he’d have an upset Deuce and maybe even Silver and Sebek wailing on him. If he doesn’t turn the tables soon, he might be in a world of hurt.

“Wow, would you look at that! They must be really shy!” Ace hurriedly comments.

“That’s strange. Father isn’t normally like this. He’s very free-spirited. I wonder if something is wrong…”

“Maybe Deuce’s mom is such a bombshell that he’s all tongue-tied!!” Ace elbows Deuce in the ribs, only to earn a slight glare back. “We should try to do something to move things along.”

“… I got nothin’,” Deuce confessed.

“Seriously? Alright, I guess it’s up to me then.”

“JUST A MINUTE,” Sebek thunders. “Who died and made YOU the love expert?! How do we even know we can trust your advice?!”

“Uh, news flash numbskull: I’ve actually had a girlfriend before so I’d know the kind of junk chicks are into! Besides, what would you know? All you ever kiss is Malleus-senpai’s—”

“Do NOT use the Young Master’s name in vain!! It is this exact kind of brash behavior that explains why you’re without a partner now!!” Sebek smirked as he folded his arms. “I, on the other hand, am well-versed in matters of love thanks to Lilia-sama’s mentoring and the romance materials I’ve absorbed in my spare time.”

“Like hell you are! Hearing about it and reading it is totally different from experiencing it in real life!!”

While Ace an Sebek squabble, poor Deuce is trying so hard to brainstorm and Silver’s starting to doze of again. That’s when his head bolts upright from a peck on the cheek. His bird friend peers right into Silver’s eyes as if to say, “Watch this!”

The bird flies off and snatches the cap from Dylla's head. There’s a big commotion as both she and Lilia try to retrieve the hat, but the bird easily avoids them and retreats with them closely following. Silver automatically recognizes where the bird is leading them and urges his classmates to come along.

As he suspects, the love guru bird guides them all to a lagoon far off from the town and teeming with wildlife. It drops Dylla's hat into a small abandoned rowboat by the shore, which Lilia scoops up and replaces on her head. He’s not bothered by the chase—his eyes sparkle with wanderlust, and he mouths something to her, waving at the boat. It’s an invitation to ride out with him, which she agrees to.

Lilia bows like a faithful attendant and gestures for her to step on. She does—wobbles at the instability of the water that the boat is upon, and Lilia swoops in, steadying her and leading her by the hand on.

He goes afterwards, nestling between the oars and startling to propel them to the center of the lake. They grow smaller and smaller, until… “Crap, they’re going to go way too far into the water for us to keep up with them,” Deuce curses. “How are we supposed to give them support like this?”

That's when Sebek gets surprisingly smug and declares that at times like these, one should create the right mood with music! "In the old days, the nobility of Briar Valley would sing sweet serenades to win hearts!! This lake is the perfect location for it, as the still waters will carry voices well." ("Oh yeah? And how are we gonna get them to serenade each other in this day and age, dumbass?" Ace asks cheekily.)

"Simple!" Sebek straightens the lapels on his jacket. "I SHALL BE THE ONE TO PROVIDE THE ROMANTIC AMBIENCE!!" This sends Ace into a laughing fit that hits so hard he doubles over, clutching onto his stomach as Sebek clears his throat, preparing for his performance. Silver quietly slips his hands over his bird friend's ears.

Out on the lake, Lilia's pointing to various constellations in the sky and telling the tales associated with each. Dylla's eyes sparkle as he regales her with the heroic exploits of the demigod Hercules, the firefly that fell in love with a star called Evangeline, the star that brought a puppet to life, the great kings of the past, the second star to the right--named for the boy who never wanted to grow up...

Deuce isn't ready for it when Sebek belts out the first note. It's ear-splittingly loud and scratchy, like a poor animal on its deathbed croaking its last word. The boys collapse to the ground, shielding their poor ears and shouting for Sebek to stop.

Dylla grimaces at the sound. "Did you hear something?" she asks Lilia. He simply claims, "No, nothing."

"You're screwing this up!" Ace hisses at Sebek. "There's gotta be some other way for us to make music."

"Wait, I've got it!!" Deuce says--and with the wave of his magical pen... "Come forth, cauldron!" It lands in front of him with a colossal THUNK, and while the rest of the boys stare, Deuce looks pleased with himself. "It can work as drums!"

"I won't be bested by the likes of a human!! If you're going to play the drums, then... then... THEN I WILL PLAY THE VIOLIN!" Sebek summons the instrument with his own magic, only to be stopped by Ace.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I heard from Epel that you suck at the violin! Can't you pick something else?!"

"THE YOUNG MASTER IS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE STRINGS, SO THAT IS WHAT I, TOO, SHALL PLAY!! I REFUSE TO COMPROMISE ON THIS MATTER!!"

"Tch. You never listen to anyone, do you..." Ace heaves a sigh. "Well, whatever. I'm not about to waste more energy arguing. Just playing the instruments from here won't do much, so I'll use my wind magic to amplify the sound."

“We have percussion, strings, and winds then. All that’s left for a romantic song is… words.” Silver looks at each of his classmates in turn. “I will accept this task, since I’ve yet to be assigned a role. There is one love song I know of from father, so I hope it will suffice.”

The bird on his shoulder tweets, letting the boys know he, too, will lend his help. With the flap of his wings, he takes flight once more, spreading word of their cause to the animals in the surrounding area. They rally like a performance troop, fanning out through the lake and readying for a musical number.

As their discordant song swells up, propelled by Ace's winds, the lake comes to life with sweet birdsong and humming fish. Silver gathers his breath and releases it, singing the words to a song once performed by the friends of a mermaid princess. "There you see her, sitting there across the way..."

"I'm sure I hear something this time," Dylla says, craning her head to look around the lake. "Someone's playing music and... singing?"

"Really? I don't hear it," Lilia says, giving the oars another row. As they pull up from the water, Dylla startles at the frogs that stand upon the oars in a neat line. They look like they've assembled for choir, ribbiting in harmony until Lilia dips the oars back into the lake water.

"Something strange is definitely going on here! How can you not hear it now?" (He shrugs.)

The boat drifts along to an area blanketed by willow trees. Two storks swoop down, parting the leaves for them to enter. When the leaves fall down, they're curtained away from the rest of the world, secluded with one another. There's only each other, and the soft glow of fireflies warming them.

Lilia stops rowing the boat. He checks to make sure the coast is clear, then leans closer to Dylla, a knowing grin at his lips. "Sorry! I didn't want to ruin the boys' fun so I went along with it and pretended to be none the wiser. We should be safe now though--they can't see us thanks to this shroud." He gestures to the willows draped around them.

"My hearing is quite sharp." Lilia cups an ear, as if to demonstrate. "It sounds like Silver, Deuce, and... Ace and Sebek, two of their classmates! Sebek in particular is difficult to not notice--his voice is very loud."

"What are they doing all the way out here?"

Lilia laughs softly. "It seems there's been a bit of a misunderstanding on their part. Someone has convinced them that this--" He waves at the space between them. "--what we have here, is something more."

Dylla face settles into a solemn expression. “Oh no, I’m sorry that Deuce is causing you trouble. He’s probably got it in his head that I'd be happier if I found a new husband and jumped at the first other single parent he knew... Deuce gets overexcited sometimes and doesn’t know when to stop once he’s started. My boy can be as stubborn as a mule, but he shouldn't be putting pressure on you to feel a certain way."

"Don't worry! Silver's doing the very same." Lilia lets his head rest on a shoulder as he looks out at the lake. “I haven’t given much thought to finding a significant other myself. Happiness isn’t inherently tied to marriage after all. It’s something we all seek out and discover for ourselves.”

Dylla finds herself smiling a little at Lilia's words. In all the time she has spoken with him, he's mostly been silly--but he also knows when to pull back and to speak seriously. There's a sense of comfort and security to Lilia.

"It's funny, isn't it? Our children are nearly adults now, yet they're still as innocent as they ever were. They wish for our happiness so much that they've taken it upon themselves to make it a reality. There is a simplicity and a selflessness to that. They mean well, they're just going about it in their own way. We can give them stern talking-tos when we return, no need to get to it now."

"... You're exactly the kind of role model Deuce needs in his life."

"Be careful what you wish for, dear," Lilia says with a wink. "I just might sweep you off your feet. I can't help it if you fall for me, you know? I'm too cute to resist."

"Hahaha, now you're just getting smart with me!" Dylla playfully shoves him in the chest--a little too hard, not recognizing her own strength. Lilia wobbles, the boat wobbling with him. He grips it to steady them both, but they're already teetering, and... SPLOOSH!!

The boat tips over, dumping both Lilia and Dylla in the icy waters. Luckily for them, the lake isn't that deep so while they're sopping wet and shivering, they're still safe.

“Are you okay?” Dylla calls out to Lilia. He responds with a laugh, splashing her with water. It’s a direct hit on her face!! Wiping off the water dripping from her features, she growls, “Alright, I get your game! You wanna play? Then let’s play.”

Back across the lake, the boys’ song had finished. Deuce shades his eyes and gazes at the willow trees. “… How do you think they’re doing in there?” Deuce nervously wonders.

“OBVIOUSLY LIL… Er, I mean, SILVER’S FATHER THAT IS DEFINITELY NOT LILIA-SAMA MUST BE THE CAUSE FOR HER SWOONING!!”

“Man, just say that you think the date’s going well. That’s way too many words for what you actually want to say.”

Silver strains his ears and listens. The soft sounds of nature are punctuated with laughter and squealing beyond the weeping willows. His father, and Mrs. Spade, and the joy they experienced in each other’s company. “I think… we don’t need to worry.”

And so the hectic day ended happily ever after.

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dead-dove-moment · 4 months

Text

Three Witches, Three Knights

Soren Kierkegaard, one of the founders of existentialism, imagined three tiers of philosophical maturity: the "slave of aesthetics", the "knight of infinite resignation", and the "knight of faith". The characteristic way to tell them apart, which he discussed in his pseudonymous essay "Fear and Trembling", is to look at how they wrestle with an impossible ideal.

I'm not an existentialist myself, but, ever since going back and reading Alliance of the Golden Witch, I've been struck by how well this formulation applies to a discussion of the magic wielded by the witches of 1986's Rokkenjima, and the angles by which they tended to approach the impossible.

The vast majority of people, in Kierkegaard's view, were merely in the aesthetic realm, where, if one's ideals prove to be impossible, one recognizes the impossibility and responds by lowering one's standards. "My ideal can't be achieved in reality; therefore, I will give up on it, and instead live for an 'easier' ideal which I know I can reach." This is the kind of motivated thinking that makes people passive - that makes them, in Kierkegaard's view, live a life they will inevitably look back on and regret.

In Ushiromiya Eva, we see a prime example of the aesthete's ruin. When her ideals become impossible, she allows them to change to something more 'realistic'… and, because a person's life is long, change stacks on change until she is left with nothing to live for at all. As a child, she understood that Kinzo's sexist nonsense was wrong, and rebelled against it, with "the headship" as her impossible ideal, a benchmark of everything she was striving against. As an adult, she came to understand that Kinzo would never move on the topic… but, instead of throwing away Kinzo, she threw away the ideal that he was standing in the way of, in order to adopt a lower, more realistic ideal: her son as the head. Then her son died, and she adopted a lower ideal still: to at least raise Ange, the other survivor, as well as she could, and heal both their hearts. When Ange rejected her love year after year (egged on by the Tanabata Witch's lies), Eva was left believing in nothing.

An Eva who had continued to believe in breaking the sexist norms of the Ushiromiya family (the core of her ambition to "become the head") would've been able to emerge from 1986 - though wracked with grief - with her goal miraculously accomplished, and with something to live on for, too: proudly fighting that same battle in the boardrooms of all the companies the Ushiromiya Group conquered.

The Eva we know, in contrast, abandoned ideal after ideal, and died in 1998 with no ideals at all, a broken wretch of a woman.

How can we avoid this degradation of our ideals? Kierkegaard proposes the path of the the "knight of infinite resignation", who responds to the crisis by a different method. Instead of giving up on their impossible ideal, they accept its impossibility and in doing so turn that ideal into something quasi-religious. Perhaps it's impossible in this world but possible in the next. Perhaps it's an asymptote, but there's still virtue and value in striving to get as close as you can, as often as you can, for as long as you can. The impossibility of the ideal makes it something higher than the heavens, and thus, something you're all the more able to devote your life to, like a knight oathsworn to a holy order.

In this, one is not released from pain… but at least finds a kind of peace which balms the pain, and in the end should be able to look back on their life confident that they did what they could.

Beatrice is the Endless and Golden Witch.

As the Golden Witch, she understands that even with a mountain of gold, some miracles are beyond reach.

But as the Endless Witch, she is able to take her impossible longing, and resign herself to its impossibility in this world. Instead, she pushes that longing into the next world, into eschatology. In the Golden Land (the world erased by the Endless Magic), all those with minds are equal; therefore, by looking ahead to the Golden Land (creating endless bottle Fragments), she can resign from finding satisfaction in the Rokkenjima of humans.

(It was only Battler's return in 1986 which - by throwing her understanding of what was 'possible' or 'not possible' into disarray, and making her uncertain as to whether her ideal was really what she wanted - broke her resignation.)

But there's one step further than this. Kierkegaard imagines the "knight of faith", a level which he believes people have occasionally reached, despite it being something which should be "beyond humans". Imagine a knight of resignation, who has accepted everything the knight of resignation has accepted. "My ideal is impossible. It's worth striving for even if it's impossible, but that doesn't make it any less impossible." But then, she becomes a knight of faith by taking this one step further: "Even if that's true, the world is absurd. Impossible, insane things happen every day. And so why should I be resigned to failure? I will believe in this despite its impossibility. Despite its impossibility, if I strive for it, that's an opening for it to become true."

And Beato, too, recognized the existence of that step which was beyond her. She recognized it because she witnessed it in someone else: her apprentice.

Maria, you must understand, knew how magic worked, or else her diary would never have been able to instruct Ange so well. She wasn't delusional. She understood that Sakutarou's mind existed only by virtue of her active effort to manifest him (in other words: his mind existed only within her own).

But the world is absurd. The incidents of her life, even if she understood them, were senseless, her Mama's behavior especially. And therefore, whatever meaning she gave the truth still had value. She was able to look at the impossibility of her magic, say "even if that's true", and believe in it regardless.

She was able to create her own happiness within the misfortune, without ever deluding herself about the misfortune's existence.

In "Twilight of the Golden Witch", Ange is finally able to reach this level. Instead of knuckling under to despair upon learning the truth of 1986, she realizes the senseless absurdity of it all, and in that absurdity finds the audacity to make the impossible move that characterizes a Knight of Faith, which Maria had been trying to teach her all this time: believing her family resurrected, despite knowing and understanding that their deaths have been declared in red. Knowing her family's sins, and yet being willing to see them as their best selves.

And decades later along this road, Kotobuki Yukari discovers, impossibly, that hope does not disappoint.

#spoilers #umineko spoilers #umineko GIGAspoilers for allusions to what's behind the door in ep8 #original content #maria ushiromiya #existentialism #soren kierkegaard #fear and trembling

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seraphimaa · 6 months

Text

Tag Game

It was so cute and fun getting tagged in this. It feels so warming to feel included :’)

I ♥️ U @mist1e

Last Song:

My Spotify is a l w a y s going. Can’t be alone with the silence lol.

I love Heilung. Can’t wait to see them again later this year.

Currently Watching:

I can’t remember the last time I started a new show. Fleabag, Bojack Horseman, IASIP, and random documentaries just run on repeat to fall asleep to these days. Boring is comfortable.

If I wanna listen to something in the background, I love video essays by people like Wendigoon, Thomas flight, Jacob Geller and Jenny Nicholson or I just listen to lore or audiobooks (thanks for my 40k fix, Wincott)

Three ships:

Myself and everyone

Harry and Kim

“Sunrise Parabellum”

Flea bag and Boo

“What do I do with it, all I love I had for her?”

“You could give it to me, that sounds lovely.”

Favourite colour:

Questions like this make me have an existential crisis. All of them, for their own purpose.

I guess yellow or purple. Lol.

Currently consuming:

Interior Castle - Teresa of Ávila

Copious amounts of demon/devil smut.

No, I’m not doing okay.

First ship:

Velma and daphne probably, like a normal person…but also The Doctor x Rose.

I cried so hard as a kid during the release of “Doomsday” that I literally threw up hahaha.

Birth place:

Scotland, my love.

Relationship status:

Struggling through life together. I don’t envy him lol. Idk why he puts up with me.

Last movie:

Beau is afraid. Ari Aster and my brain works similar, I think. He just gets it.

Currently working on:

- Haarlep smut and comfort

- Raphael oneshots. Some normal stuff, some real nasty shit…yay

- not cutting my hair off

- not going feral and being put in grippy socks

(Im so sorry. I’m a loser and have no friends. Feel free to ignore the tag lol @myers-meadow @thetyromancer @sykxii @sadcambion . I made the executive decision to simply harass people I don’t really know. I was aware of your existence and abused it. Sorry :c )

#Spotify #tag game

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writeforfandoms · 2 years

Text

It’s a Marshmallow World

find my masterlist

Fresh off a bad breakup, you go on a vacation out to a ranch to go horseback riding, get out of the apartment, and get some fresh air. You deserve a vacation, after all. Except everything goes wrong, leaving you just about ready to pack up and call it quits until Jack comes to the rescue.

Warnings: Swearing, emotions, I threw an OC in because why not (but he only appears over the phone), brief mention of alcohol and drinking, Jack is too charming, fluff. So much fluff. I chose the title for a reason.

The place described is based off a place I stayed a few years back. However I did take artistic license with the horses.

Word count: 5.6k

Jack Daniels x f!reader

Part 2 will be up by the end of the week

Prologue

You stared at the calendar app on your phone, fingers numb, heart rabbiting in your chest.

You had nearly forgotten, with everything else happening.

But the blocked out dates showing "Vacation time!!!" taunted you with the truth. And, honestly, added more things to add to your to-do list.

The vacation was supposed to be a one year trip and holiday celebration with your now ex-boyfriend Todd. The two of you had figured everything out together, although looking back on it now you realized you'd done the lion's share of the work. But you'd paid separately, sharing the cost of the room.

Clearly, he wouldn't be going on that trip now.

You huffed out a breath, staring at the still-empty half of the room where his shit used to be. Before you kicked him out. Lying piece of shit.

Well. Time to make a decision.

A few quick taps on your phone got you to Dev's contact, and you called. And then waited.

"'Lo?" He grumbled into the phone, sounding half asleep still.

"Hey. I need your opinion on something."

Dev made a rough noise of amusement. "You sure? Last time you asked my opinion, it led to you ending your relationship."

"That was a necessary kick in the pants," you excused, waving a hand absently. "That's fine. Besides, I trust your judgment."

Dev yawned. "Hit me."

"Remember that vacation Todd and I booked? Back in August?"

"Yeah?" Dev sounded faintly confused.

"I never canceled it. Totally slipped my mind with everything else going on."

"Shit, really?" Dev laughed a little. "Well, damn. You should go. The deposit is probably non-refundable. And it'll be good for you to get away for a few days, get out of the house for something other than work."

"I know," you admitted, sheepish and nervous and stressed. "I just… what if I don't like it? What if I'm still too caught up in my own head?"

"Sweetie, I say this with all the love in my cold black heart. You are always too caught up in your own head."

You snorted. You couldn't help yourself. He wasn't wrong exactly.

"Listen. You're going to go on this trip. You're going to have fun. Play with some horses, find someone pretty to flirt with, have a few extra drinks. You deserve it." Dev sounded both firm and amused, because he knew you too well.

"I mean…"

"Nope. No arguing with me. Or I'll come over there and kick your ass."

You laughed finally, and it felt like some vice around your heart relaxed, just a little. "Alright, alright. Fine. I'll go on this trip. But if I don't have a good time, you'll be hearing about it forever."

"If you don't have a good time, I'll take you to the Bahamas myself," Dev told you. "Is that your only existential crisis for the day? Please say yes. I'm still exhausted."

You snickered. "Yeah, that's all. Get some more sleep, you vampire."

"Uh huh. You're welcome." Dev hung up on you.

Snorting in amusement, you dropped your phone back to your lap. Well. Looks like you needed to do some more research. You still remembered everything about the property and the ranch and all that, but you needed to look at the weather and accommodations again. So you could pack sufficiently.

Despite yourself, a little spark of excitement started, sheltered snug in your ribs. This could be fun.

Part One

You were this close to crying out of sheer frustration. The drive had been too long and quiet by yourself, even with one of your favorite playlists on. Traffic had been bad and it had taken you an extra hour, because of course the holiday traffic had started more than a week before the actual holiday. Then you got to your cabin and discovered that the heating hadn't been turned on, so your cabin was freezing. Not quite literally, but it felt that way.

And, to top it all off, you couldn't get the damn fire going.

You stared in utter betrayal at the logs in the fireplace, hot tears pricking your eyes. You took a deep breath. No, you were not going to cry. You refused. You just weren't going to do it.

One more deep breath, and you felt steady enough to call up to the front desk.

"Front desk, how can I help?" The voice on the other end of the phone was definitely not the soft-spoken young woman you had checked in with.

"Um, I can't get the heat turned on," you said slowly, unreasonably embarrassed. "And I'm trying to get a fire going, but uh…"

"I'll have someone come down to check on the heat right now," the man assured you soothingly. "Apologies for that, ma'am."

"Thank you." You hung up and buried your face in your hands.

This was really not going your way.

Fortunately, you didn't have to wait longer than two minutes before there was a knock on your door. You let a young man in, and he nodded to you before going straight to the fireplace. In moments, he succeeded where you had failed, the logs lighting with soft crackles.

"You said the heating wouldn't turn on?" He asked with a very southern drawl.

"That's right."

"Huh." He walked over to the heating unit, tapping it a few times and then messing with the buttons. When nothing happened, he turned to you with a sheepish look. "I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm not sure what the problem is. I'm gonna run 'round back to check the unit, but the fire should warm ya up in the meantime."

"Thank you." Well, the fire was warm, and apparently the heating issue wasn't just you, so you felt a bit better.

He nodded, lifting one hand as if to tip a hat to you, and walked out the door with as little ceremony as when he'd entered. Well. Okay then.

With a soft huff, you sank down into one of the chairs in front of the fire, starting to thaw out. Unless something drastically changed, you were tempted to call this entire trip a wash and go back home.

One more day. You'd give it one more day. This was just the stress of traveling, and having to explain to the nice lady at check in that no it was just you. This was just hunger and cold.

Tomorrow would be a better day.

You slowly relaxed as you warmed up, picking up your information packet to look through. Dinner was a sit down affair in the main building every night, and you'd need to get going soon to make it in time. The first horseback riding session was early the next morning, but that was a big part of why you'd chosen this place, so you'd do it. You'd just have to dress warmly.

Dinner did indeed help - you felt better after you'd eaten. It helped that dinner was frankly delicious, possibly some of the best food you'd ever had. (Although that might have just been because you hadn't eaten anything since breakfast…)

The heat still wasn't on in your room, which you knew because there was a note taped to your door.

Terribly sorry, the heater still isn't working. I've scheduled a tech to come out tomorrow. For tonight, I've left extra blankets and lots of logs for the fire. I'll take some off the reservation price, too.

It was signed, simply, management. Not that helpful. Oh well.

It wasn't even that late, not yet, but you were tired, and the stress from the day was catching up to you. Your cabin was finally warmer, and you made the executive decision to read a bit and then go to bed. Changing into your pajamas felt wonderful, and you arranged another log on the fire and the extra blankets on your bed before you picked up your book.

You were asleep before you'd read half a dozen pages.

Music from your phone woke you, and you groaned softly. The fire had gone out overnight, of course, and the room was cold again.

"Fuck," you hissed, scrambling out of bed and yet again trying to light a fire. You gave up even more quickly this time, just washing your face in hot water and dressing in the warmest clothes you had for the trail ride.

The walk from your cabin to the main building was nearly silent and very pretty. The sun was just rising, frost on the grass sparkling on either side of the pathway. Light spilled out from the windows of the main building, warm and inviting. The blast of warm air that greeted you as soon as you opened the door was even better.

"Good morning," the nice lady from yesterday greeted you. This morning you finally had the mental energy to notice the decorations - garlands with tasteful ornaments ringed the room, and a small tree hung with tinsel and candy canes stood in the corner.

"Morning," you responded, flexing your hands. "Feels good in here."

She chuckled. "Yeah, it's a chilly walk in the mornings. We've got coffee, tea, and hot cocoa, as well as breakfast just through there." She pointed.

"Excellent. Thanks." You smiled at her, glancing at her name badge. Ginger. You could remember that.

Breakfast was delicious, up until you realized you were running late. Then you chugged the last of it and walked briskly off towards the barn, which Ginger had pointed out to you yesterday.

You slowed as you approached, a bit confused. You didn't see anyone else around, didn't hear anything. But you peeked into the barn anyway.

A single man stood in the barn, brushing out the mane of a beautiful bay horse. He looked over when he heard you and smiled.

"Mornin', ma’am." He tipped his head to you.

"Hi again." You smiled a little more easily, recognizing him as the one who'd started the fire for you yesterday. "Are you leading the trail ride this morning?"

He blinked and paused, hands stilling on the horse. "Oh, uh, there's a tree down in the middle of the trail," he told you. "The ride’s been canceled for this morning, 'til we can go clear out the tree."

"Oh." You wilted.

"I'm real sorry," he said, looking a little distressed.

"It's not your fault," you managed, a little faint. "I'll just head back to the main house." You backed out of the barn before he could say anything else, though you didn't start walking immediately. Instead you stood there, staring up at the sky, willing yourself not to cry. Again.

A deep breath in burned, the cold air a little too brisk, and you hurried back to the main house. You'd find a quiet place to sit for a while, read on your phone maybe. Or maybe you'd run back to your cabin to grab your book first.

"Dev is definitely hearing about this," you muttered to yourself. "He owes me a vacation."

The main house was still warm, and you shivered a little. Well. You might as well get something warm to drink, maybe one more nibble.

A little wandering found a perfect little nook, and it was even decorated. A single white candle sat on the little table next to the cozy armchair, the candleholder red and gold and sparkly. You settled there with your drink and your phone. You didn't feel like running back to your cabin, not right now. Maybe later you would.

But for now, you had reading material on your phone, a warm drink, and a comfy spot to sit. That was good enough.

"Oh," a deep voice startled you out of your reading some time later. "Can I get ya anything, ma'am?"

You looked up from your phone at one of the most handsome men you'd seen in your life. Dark brown hair just fell over his forehead, his mustache neatly trimmed. Big brown eyes focused on you, warm and almost puppy-ish.

"Oh, um, thanks, but I should check in with Ginger," you answered shyly. "See if the heat has been fixed."

"Is that your room?" Recognition lit his eyes.

"Yeah." You grimaced.

"Well, I've got good news and bad news on that front." The man shifted his weight. "Bad news is the heat isn't fixed. Good news is we got a couple space heaters in there to keep you toasty warm."

"Oh." You didn't wilt this time, but you did frown. So far, you were quite underwhelmed with this entire experience. It was very tempting to just cancel the rest of your reservation and go home.

"I know it's an inconvenience," he offered with a sympathetic smile. "Why don't I pour you a drink, and we can talk about how I can make it up to ya?"

You blinked. "I mean, it's not your fault, you didn't do it."

"I'm the owner," he told you. "Jack. Pleasure to meet you."

You shook his hand, offering your name in return. "Well, in that case, I guess I could go for a drink."

"This way." Smiling, he motioned for you to follow him, leading the way past the dining room and further back, to a small bar. It was deserted at the moment, not even a bartender behind the counter. "Have a seat, anywhere you like. What can I get for you?" He lifted the partition and stepped behind the counter.

"Just a glass of red wine." You shrugged, sitting at the bar in front of him.

"Comin' right up." He moved with easy competence, pulling a glass up from beneath the counter and pouring your wine without a single drop spilled. "Now. What can I do to make it up to you?"

You hesitated, fingers curling around the stem of your glass. "I'm gonna be honest," you managed, feet tapping anxiously against the bar stool. "I'm thinking of just going home."

His smile turned into a frown. "That bad? I can see if there's anywhere else you can stay, I'll call into town if you want and put you up there."

"No, it's not just the heat." You shook your head, frowning down into your wine. "It's… this whole trip has been bad. The drive, the cold, just all of it. And I really wanted to go riding, that's half the reason I chose this place, and then this morning the trail was closed and I just…" You trailed off, unwilling to get into your own baggage with someone you'd just met.

He closed his eyes briefly, sighing. "Well, can't blame you for being upset," he agreed lightly. "But I'm gonna make you a counter offer."

"I'm listening." You took a sip of your wine, which was actually very good.

"I'm not gonna charge you for your stay," Jack started, ducking his head a little to meet your gaze. "You can have the room for your full stay, no charge. And I'll personally take you out riding every morning."

Your jaw dropped and you were idly glad you hadn't been drinking right then. "What? No, that's too much!"

"I insist." Jack smiled. "Can't have you going home unhappy. Besides, the room wouldn't be available for anyone else, since the heat isn't working, so it's not fair to charge you for it."

"Well… I don't know what to say." You laughed a little, shaking your head.

"Say yes." He leaned down on his elbows on the bar, charming smile aimed at you. "Gimme a good reason to get up every mornin' while you're here." He winked.

You warmed and clapped a hand over your mouth, trying to hide your grin. "Okay," you agreed, a bit muffled. You cleared your throat and removed your hand, repeating, "Okay."

"Excellent!" Jack grinned. "What time do you wanna go in the morning? We can leave before the trail ride, after, same time. Whatever you want, darlin'."

The easy pet name made you even warmer, and you couldn't even blame the wine. "How about a little later?"

"Sounds good to me." Jack's smile widened. "Any requests for our first ride? Any limits I need to know about?"

"I've been riding before, but it's been a few years, so nothing too crazy," you admitted. "Other than that, I'm fine with whatever."

Jack nodded. "Got it. I'll make sure you have a beautiful ride, then."

You nearly choked on your wine, though there had been no double entendre in his words. But the playful gleam of his eyes caught you.

"I don't doubt that," you managed to say without squeaking or choking, which was quite the accomplishment.

Jack grinned. "Dinner starts in an hour," he informed you, standing up straight again. "Feel free to sit here, or take your wine with you. Unfortunately, I have to get back to work. But I'll see you in the morning." He winked at you again before he lifted the partition once more and walked away. Well. Walked may have been a mild word. He kind of… sauntered. Like he assumed you watched him go. (Which you low-key did, but that wasn't the point.)

You finished your wine and left the glass there at the bar before going back to your room to change for dinner.

Once again, the food was delicious. This time, though, you spotted Jack making his way around the room. He chatted with a table full of men, completely at ease. Not twenty minutes later, he was sitting with an older couple, smile warm and posture easy as he chatted.

He was a kind of social chameleon, matching the energy of every table he visited, able to talk to anybody. Something you would have considered stressful seemed easy for him.

Honestly, he made great entertainment as you ate your dinner.

But you finished and left before he made it to your table, content to go back to your room for the night. You even drew yourself a hot bath, relaxing in the water while the space heater in your room chugged away, keeping the chill at bay.

You did end up texting Dev, though.

Not sold on this place. Been lots of problems. But the owner comped my room so I'll stay.

Dev texted back immediately, being the utter night owl that he was.

Lay all your troubles at my door so I can laugh and then console you.

You laughed at him, shaking your head, and gave him the abbreviated version of events. You already felt better about things after talking to Jack.

What the actual fuck, was the immediate reaction text once you'd finally sent the entire saga to Dev. How the fuck, came the next text. You snickered.

And then waited, as Dev typed out what must be an entire rant.

First off, I'm almost bloody sorry for telling you to go now. That is a lot to happen, and it is incredibly frustrating. I can't believe you have no heat. Are you okay? You can always go buy more clothes if you need to, you're not that far outside of town. But I'm glad he comped the room, or I would have called and had strong words with him on your behalf. Now… is he hot? You sound like you like him already, so I hope he is hot. Flirt with him. You'll have time. Flirt with him like I would. All the flirting.

You groaned and dropped your phone on the bed next to you, covering your face with a pillow. "You ass," you growled. But you did pick up your phone again to reply.

I won't flirt with him, he's the owner. He is nice, at least. No need to call. I'm fine. He also left me extra blankets. I'm gonna go to sleep now.

Huffing to yourself, you put your phone on the bedside table and got ready for bed. It didn't take long, fortunately, and then you laid in bed and relaxed.

At least tonight you were plenty warm enough.

You woke before your alarm, feeling very awake. And you even knew why, after a moment.

You were excited to go on the trail ride. And not just for the trail ride. But for Jack, too.

That could be problematic.

But you got up and ready for the day, dressing warmly again. Your room was not freezing today, thankfully, so you had no problems.

Breakfast was a little quieter, and you didn't feel so rushed, giving you more time to enjoy yourself.

The walk to the barn was still cold and quiet, but you could see evidence of other people this time: trampled grass, a piece of trash, clear hoof prints.

Cautiously optimistic, you stepped into the barn.

Jack had his back to you, jeans clinging to him like a second skin, coat pulled tight across his shoulders. This morning, he also wore a black cowboy hat. You swallowed hard, gaze straying. Oh dear.

"Morning," you called before you could make a fool of yourself.

He turned and grinned at you, just as warm as last night. "Good mornin', sugar. You all ready to go?"

"I am." You smiled as you walked over closer. "Which one am I riding today?"

"This beautiful girl here is for you." Jack patted the shoulder of the palomino next to him. "Her name is Buttercup, she's a nice, easy ride. Responsive. You need a hand up into the saddle?"

"Probably," you admitted, eyeing the distance carefully. "It's, uh, been a while."

Jack chuckled and nodded. "C'mon over here," he murmured, motioning you over closer. "You're gonna put your foot in my hands, and I'll help boost you up. Grab the saddle too, that's the way. You ready?"

You hesitated, foot in the air above his linked hands. "You sure this is fine?"

Jack chuckled. "I'm sure. Darlin', I've boosted Tequila up many a time. You're no trouble."

"Tequila?" You asked, even as you rested your foot on his linked hands, your hands grasping the saddle.

"Up we go." Jack boosted you up, and you squeaked and scrambled the rest of the way into the saddle. "He's the one who helped you out with the fire, and reported the heat non-functional."

"Oh." You settled in the saddle, tucking your feet into the stirrups.

"How do those feel?" Jack tapped your ankle gently, gaze assessing.

"A little long, maybe?"

"Lift this foot out, I'll fix it for you." Jack winked at you, stepping closer. "Good girl." He smirked as your heart fluttered and adjusted the stirrup for you with deft movements, getting the adjustment done quickly before he moved to the other side. "There. How's it feel now?"

"Good." You tested your weight against the stirrups and nodded. "Definitely better."

"Good." Jack took a step back and smirked. "You look good there, darlin'." He patted Buttercup's neck before striding over to his own horse. One foot went in the stirrup and he lifted himself up and onto the saddle like it was nothing.

"So, who are you riding today?" You asked, to cover up your absolute flustered over watching him. "Westley?"

"Nah, he's actually out on trail right now. This here is Inigo." Jack patted his horse's neck, grinning.

You laughed. "Well, that's good enough. Do you have a Fezzick too?"

"Oh yeah. Big draft mix, we don't take him out on trail rides as often. But he did help us move the downed tree yesterday." Jack smirked and nudged his horse into a walk, leading the way out of the barn.

"Are all the horses named after The Princess Bride?" You asked curiously, hardly paying attention to the ride for now.

"Nah. We've got a bunch'a different names. All pop culture, though. I've got a few horses names after characters from Labyrinth." Jack glanced back at you. "Not my idea, Ginger did it."

"I love Labyrinth," you admitted with a grin. "It's so much fun. And David Bowie."

Jack laughed, shaking his head a little and tipping his hat against the glare of the early morning sun. "True," he admitted. "You can see where the trail ride goes off to the right there," he pointed out, motioning to the ground. "Their ride takes about an hour and a half. We, however, will be going this way." He turned Inigo to the left, and Buttercup followed.

"We're going off on our own adventure?" You asked, surprised.

"Mmhm." Jack sounded pleased. "Trust me, you'll get better views going this way. It's not a hard ride, but it is a longer one, which is why we generally don't bring people out this way."

"Sounds like fun." You smiled, leaning back a little in the saddle.

The silence between the two of you was comfortable, easy. And you didn't mind it. The quiet gave you a chance to listen to the world around you, taking in the nature and the beauty. And it was beautiful - though you hadn't gone far yet, you couldn't see any buildings in sight at all, and everything was lush and green. Sunlight sparkled off the remaining morning frost.

"Lake or forest?" Jack called back to you, half-turning in his saddle to look at you.

"Um." You blinked, unprepared for a choice, and bit your lower lip. "Forest."

"You got it, sugar." Jack faced forward again and nudged Inigo into a faster walk, turning him just slightly. Buttercup followed her companion without any prompting from you, which you honestly kind of loved. "You been out this way before?"

"Not much," you admitted. "I've been to the town before, for a couple days trips, but I've never stayed in the area. Honestly I didn't even know the ranch was out here until I was looking for a vacation spot."

"Well, I'm glad you found us." Jack looked over his shoulder to wink at you. "There's a lot of good things out here. The views, the quiet, the horses… the company."

You warmed again, tugging at the collar of your jacket briefly. You were quickly learning that this man was an outrageous flirt. "Yes, I'm learning that."

Jack chuckled. "You have any plans for later today?"

You shook your head. "I intentionally didn't make any plans, figured it would be better to see what I felt up to doing after the riding."

Jack nodded, tipping his hat up to scratch at his forehead. "Well, if you're amenable, I'd be happy to show you 'round a bit more," he offered.

"We'll see how I feel after we get back," you hedged carefully. He seemed fun, but realistically, you knew next to nothing about him. And after Todd… well. You needed some time, that's all. You weren't ready to just jump into something.

"'Course," he agreed easily. "Ah, look up ahead. We're gettin' close to my favorite spot."

You looked around and smiled. The trees were growing thicker together now, most of them rapidly losing their leaves to the cold, leaving a brown carpet of dead leaves around. "This is beautiful," you agreed softly.

"All part of our property," Jack told you. "The ranch owns a lot of the surrounding land, so we've got plenty of space to roam."

"How did you get into this?" You asked, nudging Buttercup a bit faster so you pulled up even with Jack. It was easier to talk this way.

"I've been working here for years, bought the place when the previous owner decided to retire." Jack shrugged. "He still comes 'round and visits, especially at holiday times."

"Oh that sounds nice." You smiled. "I bet you get a lot of people just after Christmas."

Jack shook his head, glancing over at you. "Nah, we close down, actually. You're one of the last to check out. Not a lot of people wanna go riding when there's more than an inch or two of snow on the ground, easier for us to just close for a coupl'a months."

"Oh." You shifted in the saddle, chewing on your lower lip. "Do you stay here? For the holidays?"

"Sure do." Jack shrugged. "This is home, now. Don't have much family, so might as well stay and take care of the herd." He patted his horse's neck.

Your heart clenched in sympathy, even though your holiday plans were… lacking. "Well, I'm glad you're open at least this long. It's way prettier here than at home."

"Oh?" Jack smiled encouragingly at you.

"The shops are all decked out, of course, but we don't have any snow. And when we do get snow, it turns gray and slushy within a day." You made a face. You had opinions about that awful gray slush.

"Ah yes, the slush. Don't miss that about living in the city."

"It's pretty gross." You hesitated for a moment. You didn't usually share, and definitely not with handsome cowboys you were pretty sure you were crushing on, but… "I didn't put up any decorations at home. So all the decorations in the main house are extra nice to me. Super pretty."

"Thanks. I don't do much of it, Ginger kinda takes that over. I tried one year and she called me hopeless and redid it."

You laughed quietly, grinning. "Really?"

"Really." Jack grinned. "Swore she'd take over if I tried to do the decorating again."

At that, you tipped your head back and laughed. It felt good to laugh like that. Honestly, you felt like you hadn't really laughed since before the fiasco with Todd. Grinning, you looked over at Jack, catching his wide smile and sparkling eyes. "Well, we can't have that."

"No indeed." Jack pulled Inigo to a halt, and you followed suit a moment later. "Now, this is one of my favorite spots. It's real pretty in the fall, when the trees have turned, but it's still a good spot."

You looked around, already smiling, and had to agree. The trees formed a natural semi-circle, with leaves and twigs littering the ground, along with some small bushy plants. Sunlight shone off the remaining frost and water on the trees, making the whole area sparkle.

"Oh wow." You turned slowly in the saddle to look around more. "This is beautiful. I bet it's gorgeous with fresh snow, too."

"Mmhm. Maybe we'll get some snow and you can see for yourself."

You smiled at the thought. "Maybe. We'll have to wait and see."

Jack sat quietly, letting you look your fill until you nodded to him that you were ready to go. Then he clicked and nudged Inigo on again, once again taking the lead through the trees.

"There's a stream up here," he told you. "Feeds into the lake I mentioned earlier. We'll go a little ways beyond that, then loop around back to the main trail and head back. Sound good?"

"Sounds good," you agreed, resting one hand on the pommel of the saddle, reins loose in your hand.

"Can I ask you somethin'?" Jack called back after several minutes of quiet riding. You had been busy taking in the views and the air and the quiet sounds of nature around you.

"Sure." You turned your attention back to him.

"How come you're here alone? Don't often see people by themselves."

You sighed. You'd known this would come up eventually, one way or another. "I was going to come out with my ex," you told him, speaking carefully, like the words might bite you. "But things ended poorly, so here I am."

"I'm sorry." He glanced back at you over his shoulder.

"Not your fault," you assured him. "Besides, I made the choice to come."

"I'm glad you did." Jack turned to look at you, and you warmed. Again. This was becoming far too frequent around this man.

"I'm getting there, too." You smiled. "Now that I'm warmer and am getting to go riding."

Jack chuckled. "Oh don't worry, darlin', there's plenty more riding to be done." He faced forward again.

Which was a good thing, because you were pretty sure your jaw dropped. Oh this man. This man was absolutely outrageous.

You kind of loved it, even though it also made you very flustered.

The rest of the ride was quiet. Jack glanced back at you every so often, but didn't ask anything else. Which was fine. The ride was very pleasant, and reminded you just how much you loved riding.

Jack dismounted first outside the barn, holding Buttercup's reins so you could get down too.

"Thank you." You smiled at him. "For all of this, really. I appreciate it."

"It really is my pleasure, sugar." Jack smiled. "I'll be around all day. Come find me in the main house, or ask for me, if you want to do anything else, or need any suggestions."

"I will." You stepped away from him and Buttercup carefully, stumbling just a little. Jack shifted, leaning closer, one hand reaching out, but you recovered. And ducked your head, a little embarrassed, even as you walked away.

You ended up back in your cabin to grab your book. But you stopped there. Because you needed a minute to sit and think.

You'd had a lot of fun on the ride with Jack. With anyone else, you wouldn't worry about it too much. Sure, it had been fun, but you only had a few days left here.

But Jack was clearly a flirt, and handsome, and you liked him. You could very easily see that turning into something more, given an opportunity.

And you couldn't. You just couldn't. Todd had been bad for you, hadn't been out of your life for very long yet, you weren't ready for anything more yet. You weren't.

But your damn heart was thinking about it, thinking of the fall but not the landing.

You resolved to talk yourself out of this craziness. You didn't need it in your life. You needed time to yourself and stability. You were absolutely not going to fall for the charming, handsome cowboy.

#jack daniels x reader #jack daniels x you #f!reader

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wild-wombytch · 9 months

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Mix of reading review and personal shits and existential crisis about lesbianism : (also TW for rape, I'm putting the most TMI paragraphs in purple so you can skip them)

I finished reading a French book with pictures and portraits of lesbians. While I liked it (there are especially fascinating portraits of immigrant lesbians and elderly lesbians), I have mixed feelings about it.

On the bright side, no TIM apparently, even a TIF dating only lesbians and not pretending to be male who was quite wholesome to read about. We stan endangered species.

And the less bright side...A lot of the women here seem to be bisexuals calling themselves lesbians and saying they "became" lesbians or they made a choice or were "happy" with their male exes. A lot of uses of "queer" (although all these women undeniably are SSA, have sex with and date women). The average experience seems to be women who were with their moid for 8y or so, had kids with them, and then had experiences with women or met their current long-term female partner and have more babies with them.

It's a bit disappointing. Like, I can understand older women who married long term with men maybe being lesbians. I can understand women trying to be with men (like I did) because they had no real representation of lesbian relationships (especially in rural/very religious areas) and never questioned their lack of attraction to men because they thought everyone was meh about them and hetero relationships were seen as the "default" or because they were afraid of their attraction to women.

But I'm sorry, women who are happy with men can't be lesbian by definition. And women who stay for YEARS with their moids... like c'mon. (Kinda TMI following) I spent two weeks and a half with "mine" because I was stuck in a foreign country and couldn't go home after two days there and I already felt sick and wanted to kms and had genuine mental breakdowns curling on the floor crying and only calming down by mentally organising my luggage and making plans to maybe hitchhike and panhandle my way to the airport while taking opioids until I was numb enough to be gaslighted into giving him another chance. And another. And another...and so on.

Technically, I was never fully penetrated because I was so repelled that I became a venus flytrap and I'm thinking that the bleeding I had was more about having tears down there than my hymen. Very much a "you shall not pass" moment.

When I tried again with a male thinking that maybe it was just because the other one sucked as a person and disgusted me as an individual and other men would be different, I almost threw up during intimacy and cried (which didn't keep him from forcing me to sex acts I didn't want and which made me sick and hurt me anyway).

Genuine question: do y'all think it's possible to be lesbian when you're with a man for years? To be lesbian and have kids with your husband? Could it be internalized lesbophobia and lack of solid French lesbian community ? Or is it genuinely impossible in your opinion?

Because at the same time...a lot of these women also spent like 15, 20y with their current partners and couldn't be with men anymore if they were single.

But it bothers me. From one hand, this book is good at getting rid of the guilt of having been with men/raped by men, but on the other hand...I genuinely couldn't relate to the average narrative there. There was I believe 1-2 lesbian only who were gold stars and while some say men weren't for them or were a mistake...I haven't seen strong words against men and the male body or penises.

Like, for me, what makes me call myself a lesbian is not just my love/desire/attraction to women, it's also my repulsion for the male body, no matter how much I attempted to "fix" it. (Kinda TMI) And looking in hindsight to all the signs, like constantly ""joking"" "haha but what if I'm a lesbian" or being against traveling (before caving in the pressure) because just reading about penetration genuinely made me sick to the stomach and made me dizzy in a bad way, even before I was confronted to actual irl dicks (that plus dysphoria). I went with men in the first place because I'm fucked up and struggle to dissociate friendship, fear and love, and my ex was the first person who seemed to not treat me like garbage (the very first days we met online at least, afterwards it's a very different story) and because I had problems with alcohol and stuff and thought I was pansexual because I was attracted to women but never asking myself if I ever felt something for men (I didn't, except fear. Which sometimes gets tangled with having "butterflies" because again, I'm fucked up).

Idk, for me lesbianism by definition is tied to repulsion or at the very least indifference towards the male body (all the male bodies, not just the ones who traumatized you), not just attraction to the female body, which can be bisexuality.

I'm also curious (since I see this hot topic a lot) about everyone's opinion about women who simp for, say, fictional men (maybe even exclusively feminine male characters, created to cater to a female audience). Who for example have fantasies about them, which don't involve penetrative sex, thinking of dicks or male characteristics they'd be confronted to irl like smell and hair and average moid behaviours. Could it be internalized homophobia/misogyny? A way to feel safe/deal with some ossues they had with males? Can they be lesbians (maybe lesbian in denial)? If so, does it i stop once they accept themselves? Or is it a dead giveaway of bisexuality? Curious of what radfems think about this since I've since very varying opinions on Reddit and such and met women like that irl.

#radblr #radical feminism #radical lesbian #adult female #adult female homosexual #female homosexuality #personal #Tañ ha Gerioù #radfems do touch #french radfem #radical feminist community

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moldygreenblue · 1 year

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Borderline Existential Crisis

(AO3 link is here.)

The ceiling fan continued to spin clockwise. The lights attached to it are turned off. The curtains are drawn closed, preventing any light coming from the rising sun to break through.

Sally lied down on her sofa, clutching a soft, fluffy pillow onto her chest. She shouldn’t have eaten that close to expired pint of strawberry ice cream.

The lights are suddenly turned on. Sally saw at the entrance of the room is a pajama cladded R, who for the last week, has been temporary staying with Sally to hide from enemies.

“Care to explain why you’re moping in the dark, Sally?”

“One, it’s my house, so I can do whatever I want,” answered Sally, adjusting herself to be sitting right-side up. “And two, I’m moping because I came up with a thought. It’s a terrifying thought that couldn’t leave my mind after we had dinner, with me eating ice cream for dessert.”

R walked towards Sally, and took the empty spot next to her. “Let me be certain I didn’t mishear. The ice cream gave you this particular thought?”

Sally nodded her head. “R, trust me when I say I should have listened to you about not eating that pint of almost expired ice cream. I’m certain the ice cream is the root cause of my dilemma.”

“I don’t believe the two are exclusively connected to one another,” said R, “but I’m grateful for you to admitting you should have heeded my advice. What’s the terrifying thought plaguing your mind? I promise I won’t laugh, if I don’t think it as terrifying as you think it is.”

Sally looked back down at the soft, fluffy pillow in her hands. “You how people believe there are other worlds? Parallel or alternate worlds existing in a different plane than our reality?”

“I may have overheard it a few times by accidental eavesdropping on some colleagues lunch discussions at the Orion Observatory,” admitted R, rubbing her hand on her chin. “Most talk of parallel worlds and alternate worlds mostly came from the rumbustious visitors trying to derail and disrupt the public tours. I think there’s some new sci-fi television show airing that revolving around this concept, which could explain the disruptions and derailments. I’m not sure why they would want to discuss this at an observatory, but I think I’m derailing this conversation now. So... Why are you asking me about this particular topic?”

“I’m not sure why I thought about it,” said Sally, holding onto the pillow tighter, “but I couldn’t help but think of a world where I don’t exist, and nothing would change.”

“Why would you say such a thing!?” R crossed her arms, and frowns. “Is this because you’re always the last to know about V.F.D. picnics, other social gatherings, and meetings?”

“It’s in the adjacent area of the topic,” answered Sally, and she soon let out a deep sigh. “Picnic and other social gatherings, I can forgive since you know I’m not fond of them. Meetings I get furious over due to the fact I have reports to deliver, but at least I’m always called in at the last minute. But it’s another thing to discover your brother is dead via phone call weeks after they pulled out his body from Swarthy Swamp and held his funeral without you!”

Sally threw the pillow across the room, watching it hit the curtains. She then grabbed R’s hand. R made no sudden movement to remove Sally’s suddenly grasp.

“Tell me the truth.” Sally stared directly into R’s eyes. “Your social network of associates and volunteers is —was— greater than mine. R, am I that forgettable of a person and volunteer to where it’s not surprising when I say I don’t see myself existing in a parallel or alternate world?”

R patted Sally’s face gently with her free hand. “You’re not forgettable, Sally. You’re one of the most memorable people I’ve have the honor to know. Don’t let anything let you think otherwise.”

#asoue #a series of unfortunate events #fanfic #fan fiction

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jupiter-va · 1 year

Note

I’m sorry ppl have been giving u a hard time on getting ur audios out :(( ur allowed to take ur time and I totally understand the existential crisis of discovering ur a lesbian. It’s very daunting. Don’t listen to these ppl and take as much time as u need ❤️🥰

It's okay, most people have been super sweet about it. It really was stressing me out though😭

I had it in my head for so long that I had had it all figured out at like 14, so I think finally admitting to myself that I have pretty much been wrong for so many years threw me for a loop and I needed some time😅

Thank you for being so supportive💖

#✧˖°. ask #✧˖°.anon

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littlehideawaysblog · 8 months

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With creating this new blog about my progress in my faith and spirituality I figured an overview was in order.

Early Life:

I was raised in a protestant Christian household where my mom was protestant and my dad was catholic. My siblings and I were raised protestant. This was my only form of identity for many years leading to an existential crisis and breakdown when my newly developing sense of self collided with my preexisting persona.

The sign of the end:

In 4th grade I realized I was a boy and no one else could see me that way. Everyone else would only see a little girl. I did not have the language to describe the feeling so it stayed hidden until 6th grade when the terms gay, lesbian, and trans, finally made it into my perception. With the advent of new words and identities I labeled myself for the first time, transgender. However within the week I had lost so many of my ‘friends’. Being raised in a fundamentalist church means all of your friends are also your faith. So when I figured myself out they turned on me believing I was choosing to sin just to spite God. In that time I had lost the support of friends, family, and my church. This led to a mental health collapse and several inpatient stays.

While in ward during one such stay I met a girl who was a hellenistic polytheist. I had some passing interest in the hellenistic pantheon and so we became friends. I began to research the greek and norse pantheons however due to restrictive homelife and a volatile environment I was not open about practicing or researching.

“Theistic Satanism”:

At some point in the 8th or 9th grade I stumbled upon a website that had been recommended through a tumblr page at that time. The website was, Joys of Satan. I need to take the time here to state. I was unaware of their shitty behavior and racism back then. I would not recommend going to their page for information as much of it is tainted by their background in racism.

I took a quick interest into what I would call Theistic Satanism. I devoted quite a lot of time towards reading any texts I could get a hold of. I would not say I’ve been practicing all these years, instead I’d say I’ve been learning all these years.

Around a year into that interest I hit my first major roadblock. My mother found my journal that had slowly become more of a book of shadows for me. She felt it was her job to keep me from ‘sinning’ in her house and threw everything that could even be remotely related out. No more scented or unscented candles, no incense, no personal journal. She combed through my sketchbooks and school notebooks removing anything she though was ‘devil worship’ For a few months this went so far as to ban both the Harry Potter books and the Percy Jackson books. I'd continue to read and learn in secret, this time extra careful to not be caught.

My first patron:

Late 9th grade I began going out with an older guy. My first real relationship. I honestly thought I loved him, and maybe I did but in the end he wasn’t healthy for me. I will not go into details of what all occurred however long story very short, I needed out he wouldn’t let me leave. I didn’t feel strong enough to leave, because if I did, who would love me?

During this time I would have vivid disturbing nightmares about him and things he had done. In several of these nightmares they’d be interrupted by a masculine force, though I was not able to place who or what it was. On occasion that feeling would return to me in the waking world as well. I decided to slowly brute force figuring out who or what the feeling was. So name by name I went. Starting with the Greeks, then Romans, then Norse. Eventually making it to the Goetics and finally to Glasya-Labolas to which I felt incredibly strong towards.

I do not know for certain why or how that had ended up but I became very grateful to him for his presence. One evening I finally had enough. We had been working on self sufficiency and getting past the need to be loved, and useful. That my worth was not tied to how useful I was to someone else. I believe he helped me realize I was allowed to say no and leave instead of saying no but staying because I didn’t want to make him mad.

Soon after leaving that situation I stopped feeling the presence altogether, I grew up and moved on.

Throughout high school I continued to try to find reading materials on demons however due to a hawkeyed mom I had to be very careful. I decided senior year that when I moved to college I wouldn’t need to hide my study so much and I’d finally be free to really learn. I was both right and wrong. University libraries gave me access to book loan systems that could get me new books on the topic but my dorm mate would intentionally play loud christian music when I would meditate. Win and lose some I guess.

By the end of that first year of college I had learned of a new name to call the faith I had been working through, Demonolatry. Under the new name I had so many more books to read and authors to look up. Though I began to feel dejected, I was angry with the early highschool version of myself for not maintaining the work I had been doing with Glasya-Labolas. I decided to reach out again, to no response. For a few months I gave up. Summer was back, It meant I was back in my parent’s house and their watchful eyes.

Returning to school I decided to try again. My new roommate was fine with the idea of paganism but was afraid of demonolatry. Which I believe is fair considering her catholic upbringing.

At some point in this time I began to reach out more broadly to anyone who was willing to work with me in order to help guide my studies. For a while I felt nothing, in fact for a whole year. By junior year of college I finally felt it, well smelled it. A sudden intense cinnamon scent. This meant absolutely nothing to me. Once Again as my high schooler self did before, brute force.

This eventually led me to King Paimon and a lot of things started to make sense. I am still working with King Paimon as of this time however I have reached out to others as in my personal beliefs working with a demon does not need to always be this major lifetime commitment of monogamy.

I’m happy to answer questions about my personal experience but because I am still figuring out my own beliefs I will warn you to take answers about faiths with a grain of salt.

I've been learning about forms of demonolatry for about 8 years though I’ve only really been practicing for about 1.5 years.

Your faith and practice are going to be different from other peoples. I think that is the most important thing to learn, no one needs to understand your faith but you and the beings you work with.

#demonolatry #paganism #pagan #theistic luciferianism #luciferianism #luciferianist #glasyalabolas #king paimon #demonology #theistic satanism #satanism

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yellowspiralbound · 2 years

Text

I need everyone who follows me to understand something that is SO important to me. It is extremely difficult to get me to cry. I can count on one hand the number of movies/shows/books that have brought me to tears. And after the first time I've watched/read something, it loses the ability to make me cry.

The first time I heard "Shower Day" by The Amazing Devil, I cried so hard I almost threw up. The first time I actually understood Welly Boots, (I have an auditory processing issue so I didn't understand most of the lyrics the first few times I listened) I had an existential crisis and cried myself to sleep. I still cry every time I listen to either. Joey Batey and Madeleine Hyland are just that good, my friends.

#welly boots #shower day #the amazing devil #TAD #music #spiral's thoughts

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danganronpasurvivoraskblog · 2 years

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Our Deepest Depressions Don’t Define Us: Part 1.

...

*After the message is delivered to the rest of the Future Foundation, everyone heads off to bed. Due to his injuries, Kuripa is allowed to stay in the café instead of the camper to assure comfort. However, he is unable to sleep still, and decides to head downstairs to get something to drink.

???: Yes, I know...Don’t blame Shuichi for this. It was entirely my idea.

...?

???: Yes, Mii-Yu is with me as well, so is Kibin, but the circumstances are...a little weird on that one...Yes, I know, I promise, when I come home and see you again, I’ll tell you everything.

*Hearing a voice, he opens the door to the café area after climbing down the stairs and sees a person sitting at the table, talking over the phone.

I promise you, it won’t happen again. I know we don’t keep secrets from each other, but there’s a lot going on right now and I had some personal stuff to take care of.

I’ll be back as soon as you know it...Thanks for understanding. See you later.

*Kaede hangs up.

Who was that?

Gah!? Uh...hey.

What are you doing still up? It’s late out.

I could say the same to you you know?

I have an EXCUSE. I already slept through basically half a day after killing Katagiri. What are you up to?

I was just...letting Kaito know that we’re safe and sound...not to mention where we are right now...

Where you are-Are you serious? You didn’t TELL them?

They would have tried to stop us from coming and I didn’t want them getting wrapped up in all this. You would have done the same.

...

*Kuripa sits next to her.

Something’s fucky.

Sorry?

You’ve been acting weird ever since we reunited in the factory, and now I find out that you ditched your friends to come here over a message that may or may not have been a trap. Dragging your boytoy along with you not to mention.

Plus, upon immediately finding out the scope of Rantaro’s plan, you immediately chose to attack him and steal from us, even though we meant you no damage. I still don’t forgive myself for what I did to you back there, but even so!

You’re the one who threw that knife. I just picked it up and threw it right back at you twice as hard. The Kaede Akamatsu I know isn’t that naïve! You keep jumping into dangers without a plan not thinking about what the consequences might be.

...

*Kuripa places a hand on Kaede’s shoulder.

If you don’t want to open up to me, that’s fine. But I want to fix this problem between us...

And I can’t do that if you keep acting out of it. What’s going on with you?

...

...Does it have something to do with...your universe?

Wha-!? H-How did you know!?

I’ve just been thinking...If I was transported to another universe with no way back to mine, I would have trouble fitting in.

If you’re having an existential crisis Akamatsu, just say so. We can all help you through it.

N-No, you’re misunderstanding. I AM thinking about the world I came from but...I’m not really looking for a way to go back.

...I think.

Dude...Whatever the issue is...Just tell me. Do you miss your world or not?

*sigh* Okay okay...

To be honest, no, I don’t miss my world. Far from it. Even though there was no real tragedy, my world was a sad place with a w

I’m living a great life in this world, and there’s no way I would ever take the chance to go back to mine...but...

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any regrets...

Hoo...Ok, fine! This happened a LONG time ago and...it doesn’t really matter anymore? But...Let’s just say that you and I have always had something in common that I never told you about.

What are you saying?

I...I kind of forgot after waking up, but given time, my memories have returned to me. And I recalled something that happened before I was inducted into the Killing Game...

Kuripa...I’m not an only child. I have a twin sister.

You do!?

Yeah...Her name is Kaori...There is a bit of a story to it though. Do you have the time?

All in the world right now.

Thanks...To begin with...I didn’t really have a good relationship with my parents. My upbringing was pretty standard, but as soon as my talents as a pianist started to blossom, they tried to...use me and taken advantage of me...

What’s more, they basically ignored Kaori, since she didn’t have the same level of skill that I did. She was worthless to them.

When we were old enough, we moved out together to try and escape from them. For the longest time, it was successful, but...

I’m assuming things didn’t work out in the end?

Even though we were living together, we had completely separate lives. I don’t remember the specifics, but...my life continued to get better while Kaori’s got worse. She started spending a lot of money and I think she might have even joined a gang of delinquents.

...If I’m being honest, I don’t even know what started it...But we got into a huge fight one day. The end of that fight resulted in her covering my one and only piano at the time with gasoline and setting it on fire.

Oh boy...

I got angry and forcefully kicked her out of the house...and then...

Th-Then...

Akamatsu...!?

The police came to deliver the news for me...Kaori had been riding her motorcycle while drunk and she...drove into oncoming traffic.

!!!???

D-Did she...?

Yeah...

Shit...!

*Kuripa hangs his head.

To make a long story short, the reason why I acted out of sorts is because I remembered that...the anniversary for that event was yesterday.

That’s...NOT an excuse for...my actions. It happened a while ago but...I just didn’t feel like bringing the mood down...

This is it, isn’t it?

Huh?

It only makes sense...THIS is why you joined Danganronpa!

...With my parents using me as they did and with Kaori gone from my life...I looked at the world with nothing but pessimism and detest. No one was worth trusting back then. And Danganronpa seemed like the perfect way to escape from that sick reality.

By entering an even sicker one?

My mind wasn’t in a good place at the time, ok!? I needed an OUT!

No, I-I get it.

That’s what I mean though. I don’t want to go back there, but if there’s one thing I regret, it’s that I’ll never have a chance to visit her grave again...And I can’t forgive myself for entering Danganronpa just to erase her existence from my memories.

And...when we met in the factory, and you started telling me about your murder plan, I remembered that, and the situation with YOUR sister! And...and...!

Slow down! Wipe those eyes of yours and breathe...Other than me, how many people know about this?

*Kaede wipes her eyes as per Kuripa’s request.

Right now, just Shuichi and Mii-Yu. I kind of had to tell him to convince him to let me go to Central Park.

...Akamatsu...

I know...I’m sorry...The reason why I was so quick to follow Rantaro’s message...it might have been because I needed a distraction...Instead I just showed up out of nowhere and complicated things.

I messed up...

Grief is a hard pill to swallow Kaede. Maybe this sounds ironic coming from me, but we all deal with it in our own way.

You and I aren’t the only people who have lost. And we still have so much left to lose. Our friends, our family...everything we cherish.

But it’s part of living the lives we do to push forward and forge new paths, not just for us, but for those exact people too. Even if we have to deal with great pain to ensure we do so.

But the killing game you were part of puts things very literally. If you wished to forget the life that you’ve lived, and turn it into some...empty, fleeting reality made from your own twisted conscience...Then that’s all it will become.

How you live your life and how you deal with your grief is up to you, and there’s nothing I would do to change that. But as your mentor...and someone who REALLY cares about you...I at least want you to know that.

Heh...If only I had you around after the fact.

I could say the same to you. Or...I would if at least one of our grief solutions were actually sane...You join a killing game, I become a vigilante...

Hehe...I think we’re both a little crazy...

...

Akamatsu...I know I said you should go to bed, but...would you mind coming with me?

Um...sure...but why?

Nothing really. There’s just something I think I need to tell you.

#danganronpa survivor #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #oc #kuripa kurafto #kaede akamatsu #ask #the monster in me arc

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