#personal bitching

[ragecrack]

Pharmacy pls call and tell me my medication is ready so I can return to bed. I'm begging you.

[randomfillername]

I feel so weird. My whole life felt like it was constantly being dismissed in elementary school I was told I'd make friends in highschool in highschool I was told college would be the best years of my life. I love what I'm learning like I actually love it, not like how I tried to force myself into loving my old program, but I feel like I suck ass at it. And I feel lonely, I have like one irl friend, and I barely see her cause she's so busy. I'm trying so hard to interact, I actually really like people but it's like my social skills went down the shitter! I can't even look my teachers in the eye! I was never the fun party kid in highschool like my parents where and I was never the smart kid everyone thought i was at some point. It's like I've gone to mush. I'm cleaning out my room but just now getting rid of the the wall colour and abundance of stuff I was spoiled to an overwhelming degree with and it's weird and I hate it. I feel like a weird man child. Even if I manage to earn a good apprenticeship in 6 months I'll still have to wait years and years to be able to move out and be a man. I swing to much between unexplained happiness and I don't give a shit to paranoia over every bit of how I am to worry over shit that should not be priority.

[b0ngwater69]

When the social battery hit 0% 3 hours ago and 4 people walk into the apartment (':

[danepopfrippery]

Relating this hard ti Nandor in s3 isnt a good sign is it?

Id take a super slumber but every damn time i wake up im angry soo

[thebookewyrme]

AO3 is down, probably for another 2-3 hours and I am DISTRAUGHT because I was smack in the middle of a new fic!!!

It was such a good one too, WuLian with Jun Wu POV fuckery in the Heaven Realm and aughhhhhh I want to finiiiiiish!

[ceephorsshitshow]

You ever get so upset at something so stupid but with deeper, more important meaning to you and you alone that you put yourself in adult timeout.

[invizigothx]

landlords when they want to remove storage space in ur teensy tiny kitchen so they can put in a dishwasher no one asked for: I have to think about the market, this is for me, this is non-negotiable if u want the cabinets fixed landlords when u ask how they will be compensating u for the cost of boarding ur pets and/or inconvenience of losing access to ur kitchen for 4 - 5 days: well actually u are getting this FREE upgrade that we are doing JUST FOR YOU

[danepopfrippery]

Every good person i know rn seems to be going thru it. From carjackings to backstabbings. I aint lookin at the moon voids rn they scare me.

But life goes on. Time keeps marchin. Hopefully tomorrow will be better

every day i get my heart ripped out & every day i simply just continue

[carlyraejepsans]

"speak for yourself" make your own post❤️

[hellorhighwatertoothandfknnail]

No Presets for me tonight, thank you shitty medical equipment. At least I can still be here for my best friend when she needs me.

I miss a particular person to the point that it hurts. I hope they're doing well.

[ragecrack]

I am desperate for nicotine because I cannot cope in this house.

[danepopfrippery]

I am going thru it w a show im co-captaining and a burlesque number i chose. Its weird cuz not until the week before did this crop up when my bottom layer didnt suit me how i thought.

A friend said ‘be miss piggy on stage’ but im at like scooter confidence wise. Its just hard to reconcile ur body that exists and just stays this way no matter what w the world of cishet men who tell u its wrong and u should be wearing a garbage bag in a corner. I also recently learned my thin sister likely got covid pre vax existing cuz she kept going to the gym…even masked it was a risk. And shes had 3 years of health problems from it.

I fear she sees my life and says to herself ‘well i dont want to live that’ tho shes been nothing but kind to me. My other sis who is thin and closer in age (so seen me goin thru it) has become a real fat positive person but even tho thats good im like ‘o my existence is an issue’ and that sucks balls. I guess being disabled i was gonna be an issue anyway but its just a lot bubbling up.

Oh ill be doing the number. And my body is literally resisting me at this point (my hip went out after bursitis hit both shoulders). I just hope i can get back to confident (and hip movable) by fri

Just thought people may enjoy this :)

[randomfillername]

I feel like I've done nothing in my week off of school. I got sick, and my throat hurts. My ears feel clogged. I don't wanna bitch to my parents since they got me medicine and took me to get soup. it makes I want to be held by someone so bad. I have a fucking climbing class Monday and a knot test followed by my chainsaw test the next day! I feel so fucking weak, I could barely hold a pack of soda today. I'm scared I won't pass it, and all my instructors will hate me and hate how weak I am and how I can never push hard enough. I'll never get a job If I'm weak and they hate me. I'm worried every awful thing my grandpa said about women when I was younger applies to me, and only me, specifically.

[b0ngwater69]

Yanno i kept joking about wanting a hater that wasnt me but if my paranoia proves real then i have one of the scariest kinda haters 😶

[danepopfrippery]

Poverty, generational poverty, etc all doomed me but getting sick when i was just starting out (19/20 years old) is what did it.

And ppl wonder i related so hard to izzy telling the unicorn to fuck off.

Ive been sick most of my life and diagnosed at least 16 years. If one ever stops being angry about being disabled i have yet to hit it (prbly cuz as my doctors know im blessed and more and more things come up like it just never fucking ends with this shit body)

Like my sis just got diagnosed w fibro andn it didnt hit her til about 5 years ago, at which point she had a tween child and had long learned to make men do her bidding. She gets to be sick with a family in a house she owns. Im a hobo truly bereft of what to do once my cats leave this life

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.