#three more parts left
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chimchiri · 2 months ago
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For the requests: maybe Dash and Spitfire are doing some bonding gaming with Scoots? I'm sure they enjoy some console gaming, but maybe they could be convinced to do some board games as well?
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I had to color this in because I loved this idea too much. Scootaloo gets some help from Spitfire and learns an important lesson about strategy and playing the long game.
Poor Rainbow gets demolished.
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year ago
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MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 2 - Psyche Skills
Part 1 - Part 3
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#disco elysium#MDZS disco elysium au#jiang cheng#jiang yanli#yu ziyuan#While it's more in vogue to draw a character's skill roster tailored to them -#One of the more subtle details I love in DE is how some of the skill portraits parallel character portraits of people hbd associates with.#Theres somethine rather poetic to be said about how other people shape out thoughts and sometimes act as a 'voice' in our head.#How we are in part a collection of impressions other people left behind on us.#I am a huge Skillhead (Those are my friends! My party members! They love me! They have their own agendas and alliances!)#so of course a healthy portion of this AU is dedicated to them <3#the Int skills go basically unchanged from DE. Psy as well (with changes to a few quirks in voice).#Fys skills though...well...wwx is in a different body! Those voices belong to Someone Else.#Esp electrochem (MXY in this AU also partied to near death. WWX is withdrawing and craving substances he's never even heard of before)#While I personally don't fully subscribe to Volition Jean I *do* see Volition Jiang Cheng. The voice of your Not Brother keeping you afloat#All three of these parallels make me unbelievably sad. They are also both purple. Art is like that sometimes.#Empathy Jiang Yanli...oh man do I have a lot of thoughts about her. Disco fans Who Know....you can probably see what I'm cooking.#Authority is a really interesting skill in DE because *yes* its about power and intimidation - but it's also about finesse and respect#Titus Hardie and YZY both abuse *and* finesse how they establish their authority - in a way that leaves quite an impression.#2 more mdzs disco posts that I *need* to create and then I'm off to working on raffles <3
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warning-heckboop · 1 month ago
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Oh to be able to make the complex lore comic that lives in my head about the concept of fairies, anti-fairies, and pixies once being a civilization of one single species of fae that splintered both metaphorically and literally due to internal conflict
#Basic concept: one fae has their good and bad sides split into the fairy and anti fairy#While what remains (ie their more 'grey' traits) are left behind as a third being that's more of a Husk than anything#Pixies are kind of like the Kingdom Hearts nobodies in my head#None of them are directly associated or bonded to any single fairy the way anti-fairies are#They're just sort of a mixed bag of leftovers#Different from Nobodies in that aspect#The conflict that caused the initial split was the decision to stop doing harm to the humans through the planting of changelings#Which eventually evolved into a debate over how they treated humans in general#All desires to help and care for the human race was separated into fairies#While all desires to do harm was divided into antifairies#And then the left over unrelated stuff (like not caring about the humans either way and only being self interested instead) became the pixie#Unfortunately for everyone involved the split caused a severe decrease in magical abilities for all sides#Since it was really just one magic that was split into thirds#Having children was also banned at this point because there was no way of knowing if the children would be of one side#Or if they would be the original unsplit species#And there was concern this would cause conflict#I also like to think the heads of each faction erased the populations memories of their origins eventually#If only to make it easier to dehumanize the other factions and elevate themselves by erasing any associations with them#There are still some fae who exist who either were part of the split but escaped before they had their memories wiped#Or were never affected by the split and therefore still exist as the original form of fae#With all three 'types' of magic under their control#ANYWAY#fop a new wish#Fop#fopanw#fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents a new wish#A new wish
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featherdusterbelphie · 6 months ago
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Logged into obey me nb for the first time today. Saw the new update.
The new app screams 'we're about to discontinue the original game soon!'
Which makes me a little sad
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kugisakiss · 2 years ago
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bullying takagi is a full time job and i will happily do it without pay
original
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synthshenanigans · 5 months ago
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the Identity lacking knowledge of its identity
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[fun alt repeating thing above & neat alt versions below]
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#“understand whats going on behind my eyes” but different kinda#this is kinda shitty on purpose ?? kinda#idk im slapping soul with my own crisis he can deal with it/silly#bright lights#bright colors#i dont have a favorite guy™ but soul hits different yk#soul and its ideas of itself & his views on being whole need to be talked about more i swear#put that bitch under a microscope & study him cos lord knows he knows itself less than you would#also soul he/it my beloved. youre so close to being counted as canon in a way#chonny jash#chonnys charming chaos compendium#cj soul#-atlas art-#also if you cant tell [which you probably cant for all of it] the lyrics to Dream(OfC). NMtK & part of TSE are in there#also the necklace loose like the red noose from slys art#fun lil fact about my designs for HMSW:#Heart & Mind each have one of the drumsticks from the necklace. Both on opposites hands as a bracelet#gives a more them being halves vibes to me#soul has the left over chain that looks normal turning like as i said before over the course of Cacophony#lack of the drumsticks gives him the “if im not the main part then what am i?” yk#im not the “point” of the necklace so what is my purpose if any or smth#if that makes sense#but of course you couldnt wear the drumsticks as a necklace WITHOUT the necklace. a happier realization toward the end of Cacophony#And Whole has the whole thing together [ha whole]. “all good things come in threes” nd all#ty if you read all this btw & hi :D#ily/p
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gtwscratch · 1 month ago
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Homeward
Summary: Sometime after Double Life, communications manage to get set up between Hermitcraft and EmpiresSMP. Tango tells himself he’ll apologize to Jimmy as soon as it’s set up (spoiler alert: it takes a while).
Part two of my little Ranchers story! I highly recommend reading part one first to have the full experience :) 
CW: None!
Word count: 1,202 words
[Part 1] [Part 2]
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It’s… been a bit since Tango’s gotten to talk to Jimmy.
He didn’t end up speaking to the half-avian anymore after their permadeath, and since getting back to Hermitcraft, he’s felt a bit guilty about it. Sure, giving Jimmy space (and taking space for himself to cool down, kind of literally) was the right choice, but a part of his brain nags at him that he should have apologized. That he shouldn’t have left them on bad terms. No one knows when they’ll be pulled into the games again. They don’t know who will be pulled. It could be a very long time until Tango can properly talk to Jimmy again and apologize for what happened.
So when Xisuma announces to the server that he and Pix had managed to set up communications between the two servers, it’s safe to say that Tango is more than a little surprised. And when the surprise ebbs into anxiety, he immediately starts making plans to talk to Jimmy.
After thinking it over for a few hours, he grabs his comm and scrolls to Jimmy’s name. Tango is going to apologize. He is going to tell Jimmy how sorry he is, how much the Ranch meant to him—how much it still means to him—how he was never actually upset with Jimmy but with the crappy situation they were forced into.
He’s going to..
To..
Huh.
Tango’s hands aren’t usually this shaky when he holds his communicator.
It’s just.. It’s just because he has a lot to say, right? Yeah, yeah, that’s it. There’s just a lot to apologize for, and he doesn’t want to miss anything. Maybe… he should make a list? Yes! A list. A list will keep him on track.
Tango sets his communicator down and looks for a pen and paper, finding a crumpled scrap and a nearly-out-of-ink marker amongst the mess that is Decked Out 2 planning. He gets to work making a list on what topics he wants to talk about.
1.) He’s sorry for yelling at Jimmy.
2.) The Ranch always meant something.
3.) He never blamed Jimmy for their permadeath.
4.) He wants to start over.
Tango looks long and hard at the list, going over it again and again to make sure he hasn’t missed anything. He picks up his comm again, but.. it still doesn’t feel right. Maybe getting Impulse or Etho to look it over and make sure it’s good will help with his nerves? Once again, another great idea. He hastily grabs the paper and shoves it into his pocket before equipping his elytra and going off to talk to his friends, leaving his communicator behind.
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This goes on for days, and then weeks, and then months. Tango keeps making excuses on why he can’t talk to Jimmy yet, even ignoring any messages that Jimmy’s sent. It’s not at all that he doesn’t want to talk to his rancher friend. He desperately wants to set things right! He’s just.. absolutely terrified that Jimmy will never forgive him and that they’ll never have each other like they did before.
So… yeah. No pressure.
One day, when Tango is about to wrangle the ravagers back into their proper places inside the dungeon, his comm pings. He pulls it out and sees that Grian has sent a message to everyone.
<Grian> Everyone meet at the Rift
<Grian> Something weird is happening
About fifteen-ish minutes later, all of the Hermits are in the cave where the Rift appeared. Tango can’t say he’s been here very often, but even in his short visits, it’s given him the heebie jeebies. Despite Tango’s few and far between visits, even he can tell that the Rift is different. Its regular light purple glow has turned into something much darker, and the usually-calm surface swirls angrily, like a Nether portal but worse.
Grian claps his hands to get everyone’s attention, quieting the Hermits’ chatter down. “Right, so when I woke up this morning and came down here, the Rift was like this.”
Cleo crosses her arms, tilting their head to the side. “And this needed everyone’s attention because…?”
Something flashes in Grian’s eyes, so fast that Tango figures that he’s imagining things. “I think we should go through.”
That receives quite a few mixed reactions, some of the more easygoing (*cough cough* reckless and chaotic *cough cough*) members simply shrug and nod, ready to do whatever. Others are more hesitant, in the middle of big projects and not wanting to leave them unattended for any extended period of time.
“Quick question,” Impulse speaks up from the crowd, “do we have any idea what’s on the other side?”
“Oh, not a clue,” Grian responds with a smile. “I just have a feeling that it’ll be fun.”
“A feeling?” Xisuma questions.
Grian hums his confirmation, his grin only growing. “A feeling.”
After a few long moments, Xisuma sighs. “Alright, anyone who wants to go in can go. I’ll be going to make sure some of you,” he makes a pointed look at Grian who just grins even wider, “don’t get into too much trouble.”
One by one, Hermits start to walk into the portal, a few staying behind. Tango should stay behind. He still has a bunch of work to do on Decked Out 2, but.. a break sounds really nice. He’s long overdue for some relaxation, and maybe once his head is cleared, he can actually message Jimmy to talk about things. Of all of Tango’s procrastinating plans, this one is by far the best one, he thinks. 
He waves to the Hermits who’ve decided to stay behind, and he walks through the portal. It’s a weird sensation, unlike going through a Nether or End portal. It feels like he’s moving through cold honey, and Tango thinks he’s in that space between dimensions for much longer than usual. When he finally exits the portal, he stumbles onto the stone on the other side, being caught by Impulse before he can fall. Tango looks around, a bit surprised to see structures off in the distance. 
Must be another server,  he thinks to himself. To double check, he pulls up the tabs list on his comm to see if there are other people who aren’t Hermits present, and he quickly sees that he was right. With their group's arrival, it seems as if they’ve doubled the player count on this server.
Tango glances over the names, wondering if he’ll recognize any of them and he’s pleasantly surprised to see so many names from the Life Games, looking forward to talking with them without the whole threat of ‘we need to kill each other eventually’ looming above them. And then he sees it.
Towards the bottom of the list, sitting right above his own name, lies the name SolidarityGaming.
Oh.
Oh shit.
They’re on the EmpiresSMP server.
Tango quickly turns around to dart back through the portal, but it’s already closed. And if Grian said it was just active like it was when he went down to check on it, then they have no way to get back to the Hermitcraft server. Which means Tango is stuck here. It means he can’t avoid his dread or Jimmy anymore.
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So, remember when I said this was going to be a two-parter?
What if... I told you guys that while I was writing this, I changed my mind and made it three parts???
Uh.. surprise?
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icewindandboringhorror · 2 years ago
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................ he 
#i feel like I posted this already but I also can't find it in any recent posts so...#......he#cats#EVEN if I did post it.. why not poast himb again? it's he#I'm like halfway through actually editing aforementioned costumes and stuff and i WANT to work on sculptures again and I have video#s and that worldbuilding slideshow and all of these things so hopefully like.. more usual stuff soon maybe.. to be posted#for now though yeah.. just cats#The end of the year is also when I panic about the passage of time and how little I've gotten done and how I will never actually be a#sucessful game maker slash author slash cat cafe owner slash set designer slash costume designer slash psychologist#who lives in like Scotland or somehting and also owns my own candle company or something ghbjhb#and will probably just be a mentally ill hermit recluse all my life who dies early of mysterious health issues with 5000 projects left#undone and blah blah the crushing weight of chronic illness and capitalism and so on and so forth#So then I scramble to get projects done to try and meet some goals but usually that means I scatter between projects#so it takes longer to finish all of them. Like instead of dedicating 8 hours to one thing and finishing it one sitting. I'll do 2 hours on#this then 2 hours on that then 2 hours on another things. so they all get done slower even though I'm still technically making progress on#them all. This is also a very poo poo pee pee stink brain way to work and is not like. the most efficent thing but it's just how my brain#organizes tasks sometimes lol#***#(<ignore this its part of an OCD compulsion lol. anytime you see me type three asterisks I'm not bleeping out a curse word#it's just a Special Secret Foolish Thing I Have To Do At Specific Uncontrolable Times When Brain Says So gbjhhj)#ANYWAY... eeeee#Still haven't resolved my mystery chest injury though so being at te computer for too long is also kind of achey-inducing#Better get over it though because I have like 30+ hours of slideshow vidoe to edit hahaha hee hee hoo!!!!!
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saltynsassy31 · 2 months ago
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Frye Fest - Final Countdown
<- Previous - Part 19 - Next ->
[19/20]
♡Back when it was just us♡
👋Team Paper👋
Splatfest World Premier 27-08-2022
[Master Post - coming soon]
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megumi-fm · 6 months ago
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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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lorelune · 2 months ago
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the game plan:
- finish o4o in the next few weeks (barring pain levels, they have been higher than normal. more on that later)
- open up comms (i’ll probably take two or three OR i’ll be releasing a certain numbers of words that can be claimed for commissions out of the whole, until we hit that word cap) (if this doesn’t make sense i’ll explain more later trust)
- profit and pay off portos vet bill AND get a new work desk
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diltonsstrangescience · 20 days ago
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DANG. Absolutely cold-blooded.
#I’d expect a zinger like that outta reggie any day but dilton?#did not see that coming in a million years#he’s choosing an insult OVER answering a question in class correctly?#what did archie DO to motivate this??#archie comics#dilton doiley#archie andrews#mr. flutesnoot#really though you can’t answer the original question without knowing exactly how many gallons archie’s horrible car can hold#my real question is where dilton got 8.342 from#I was expecting it to equal some natural number like 1 or 2 but when I did the calculations it equaled 2.2072932 gallons#I double checked my work with the internet and recieved 2.2037233 gallons instead#I’m almost certain this is a result of mr. flutesnoot rounding his provided number of gallons by several decimal places#so that I calculated the conversion with one liter equaling 0.264 gallons rather than 0.264172 gallons#of course when I checked it again with my own calculator I got 2.203722824 which is closer to but not quite 2.2037233#because even if you rounded it so that a three would follow the two you’re still left with ‘230’ rather than ‘233’ at that one part#so the more accurate values I found must still be rounded by some amount to cause the discrepancy#at ANY rate: unless I have missed something in my calulations the number 8.342 has no particular significance#this isn’t lightning-fast mental math. ​dilton just made that number up on the spot#and the specificity only exists to make him sound smarter#(and it kinda worked because I did initially assume there was some meaning behind the number)#the joke might have landed better if he’d have said ‘3.785 liters’ (exactly 1 gallon)#UNLESS the gas prices at the time happened to work out so that 2.2037233 gallons equaled exactly one dollar or someth—
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pocketramblr · 30 days ago
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I always found it slightly awkward how media makes siblings or people who see each other as siblings call each other brother/sister all the time as in real life you almost never see people do that with their own siblings (maybe someone out there like that)
In the case of Arkham Shadows I see why they did though because Bruce quite literally tells Harvey he loves him and Harvey says it back. Can't have the audience think Batman is in love with the DA.
They had Bruce pay for his college, pay for his campaign, pay for his surgery, pay for his therapy and had Harvey have him as his best man at his wedding. Wow..... Sugar baby Harvey is real.....
The calling sibling title thing is less common in English than in some other languages for sure- me and a couple of my siblings do it on occasion, but it's for a bit then. More common is when I call one of my close family friends "my sister" or "my nephew" when talking about them to someone else because it's faster and easier to say that than to say "my friend who I've known since she was born and lived with for a few years and consider a little sister" or "child of a close family friend who considers me an aunt" to someone who doesn't know them. Which is a lot of words to say that if they wanted to fully sell me on the brothers thing they should have either had a different bit or should have referred to the other as "my brother" when talking to an unrelated character instead.
But "oh no we have to make Bruce not look gay" has been a problem DC has struggled with more than once for many decades and it basically never works so I guess at least they didn't try to solve it this time by having Bruce pick a lady love over Harvey or cutting the holding hands thing
Because I saw that scrapbook! I know Harvey has been Bruce's sugar baby since he was ten years old! But we can't have Bruce take Harvey's hand and call him the love of his life because ok technically that's Gotham but also because gay. And we can't have Bruce take Harvey's hand and call him his best friend because they're not ten anymore and somehow that seems gay also. So brothers it is, I guess. Even if I think my brothers would bite my finger if I ever tried to pay for everything for them on that scale, guess it's different at billionaire levels
#I'm actually simultaneously a believer in grew up like brothers and absolutely down bad romantically#(and harvey as a representation of Gotham itself as a love)#like an election in two (three) positions at once#but the point remains- you can't really fully cover the care by slapping a brother label on it like dc tries to to avoid it being too gay ig#which is very funny because did you see all the bi Tim and Dick stuff in Gotham Knights- but Robin has always had more freedom than Batman#in the 'can we let anyone think he's anything other than totally straight' department#anyway now I'm thinking about how on earth-3 all the characters get a morality flip#but Two Face/Three Face is the only one i can think of who gets a gender flip as well#as if 'oh if we had just originally conceived of Dent as a woman it would have been better (morally) because then it wouldn't have ended up#looking so gay'#but no they did not explore that thread because apparently uh having love interests in the joker and riddler was more important#which you'd think should reflect back on standard issue harv eddy and clown but uh. not really no they don't want to admit it#and i suppose 'well no three face wouldn't have a thing for owlman because he's technically not a version of Bruce he's a version of b's#brother'#but like then again. if Harvey is his brother. then shouldn't something have been used there to connect it#in any way at all#but no#instead I'm left with many thoughts about Harvey as a brother as a lover as a personification of gotham and as a woman but#i am still very sleepy rn so i don't know how many of those thoughts are coherent#but all that to say#YEAH SUGAR BABY HARVEY#guess it wouldn't be comforting for Harvey to shakily ask what he is#and Bruce to answer 'you're my companion who i turn to for affection in and give you obscene amounts of money in turn'#but like. it also wouldn't have been incorrect.#... though 'sugar baby harv as part of the representation of Gotham itself' probably has something to it too#but i digress I'm sleepy#pocket talks to people#anon#* i meant 'electron' not 'election' in that earlier tag
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lucindasthighs · 1 year ago
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Elizabeth isn't the woman Zach cheated with.
First off the features don't match up.
Zach has brown hair, Elizabeth has blue hair and Ein has black hair. It's canon that the blue in Ein's hair is all purely dyed. So him having blue parts in his hair doesn't make him related to Elizabeth. The eyes also don't match up. As Elizabeth has a medium blue eyes, Zach dark brown and Ein light gray (sometimes medium gray too it dependson the season but whatever)
Second off the timeline doesn't match up.
Ein is older than Kacey. So if Ein was born and very clearly not Eric's child (a werewolf, black hair and a whole different skintone). Then why wouldn't their marriage be in shambles? They were fine, fine enough to get Kacey. How would Elizabeth go about having an affair baby without it being noticed. And why would Eric just directly get a kid with her anyway just after that?
She also talked to Zach (while referring to Ein) about HIS kid. Not THEIR kid.
Oh okay these are all really strong points. I just remember that the biggest fandom theory was Elizabeth being the mom and like. Didn't really think about it.
I guess that theory was more for tying up loose ends together (why Elizabeth left her family, Zack's affair, all the adults' weird connection to each other) rather than like super solid evidence.
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karaspal · 4 months ago
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don’t be fooled by my undying love for kara danvers, i hated like, half of the decisions the writers made regarding the show’s lore. i find kara to be one for the few characters who actually got better as the show progressed (which is how character development works). she started out more shy and grew into a confident, capable and a well-respected woman. she made some real change and helped a lot of people outside of her superhero suit. the show had a great balance between kara danvers and supergirl. my love is for her story and character development, and her story and character development only. oh, and alex and j’onn! they were pretty neat too!
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butnotbubblegum · 4 months ago
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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