#thought about suicide today

[silusvesuius]

nnnnnnnnnnnnno maa'am

[orange-orchard-system]

Fakeclaiming is easy because it feels like activism. It feels like protection.

Spotting a "faker" feels like you're doing something. It feels like you're protecting yourself, your community, by pointing at someone and saying "look, I have identified the enemy". You get to feel good that you have done something to help, and you get to feel good to see one of your enemies torn apart by your allies. It's based on a simple reward system for community.

The thing is, though, is that this community isn't solid, and this reward system is flawed.

If a primary way of protecting oneself is spotting fakers, then you're always on-guard, always looking for the enemy in your allies. You'll look for patterns where there may not be any, because you want a leg up on spotting the next of them; you want formulas to rely on – one to decide if someone is faking, and one to decide if someone is not. You want to make the process of protection as simple and easy as possible. And in turn, the easier it gets to "identity a faker", the more often you get that rush of spotting one, that camaraderie of tearing them apart with the "real ones". You have made it easier to justify hurting others, because you have made it easier to win that reward system. And yet, at the same time, because you must remain on-guard, you stress yourself over whether someone fits the formula(s) you have crafted. If all your enemies are fakers pretending to be allies, then you must be ready to turn on any of your allies and tear them apart, too. You must rely on this second formula; these rules you have enforced to decide who is real and who is not. You must not ever think about the process beyond how you can better improve your formulas.

There is no repeal, once a claim has been filed. There is only dogpiling and tearing them apart, demanding they apologize, delete their blog, kill themselves for "faking". They are the enemy, this is what has been declared, and you can tell because they plug into the formula. You can tell because they did something we don't approve of. You can tell because we have declared it true, and you must always believe us and never listen to the person we have been tearing apart, because you wouldn't want to risk defending the enemy, would you? Because...

Conveniently, people who speak out about this reward system are often automatically considered fakers, too. Because their voices are seen as defense of the enemy you have already branded, so they must be enemies too, right? I must now be your enemy for telling you the flaws in this system; in this community. Because only enemies to a community say there's something wrong with that community, don't they? They can't possibly be members of the community who want it to be (even) better. They can't possibly be real members of your community who you have plugged into an arbitrary formula that doesn't even make sense most of the time. They can't be people who have thought about this for two seconds and decided, "Actually, tearing people apart doesn't sound like a very moral action."

Fakeclaiming is a flawed reward system that depends on the idea that the main enemies of any community will always be trying to pretend to be them. Will always be wolves in sheep's clothing. And that the way to help your community – the way to get that rush of justice against your enemy – is to never truly trust your allies; to be prepared to hurt them at a moment's notice; to create formulas based on confirmation bias and plug people into them if they do something against the rules you have decided upon.

I'm aware this is scathing. That's the point. Fakeclaiming doesn't serve any productive purpose; all it does is give the same rush that hitting a child gives a parent.

I am also aware this will likely be used to make me out to be a "faker". An enemy. Very well, go right ahead. Anyone who would decide criticism about the way they go about harassing and tearing apart their own supposed "allies" is an act of "the enemy" is not someone I wish to associate with, so please do reveal yourselves, so that I may block you and move on with my life that does not involve hurting people for the rush it would give me but does involve thinking critically about accusations.

Fakeclaiming doesn't even help the community the way it's supposed to. Drop your formulas. There are better ways to help your community, like accepting our variance and differences, offering advice born from personal experience, and advocating for more awareness and acceptance in your everyday life. Go leave a positive comment on someone's post. Go make a positivity post. Be there for people. I believe you can do better, and make this community better, in turn.

[loopdile]

transcription under the cut!

The worst ship chart ever.

Ship name: Loopdile

[insert very tiny math] Ages: 43 and 31? Age difference: 8?

Portrait of Odile with an eyebrow raised saying "I'm not telling." Name: Odile. Gender: trans woman (maybe nb but idrc rn). Sexuality: Aro lesbian.

Portrait of Loop with a finger raised saying "I'm not telling~" Name: Loop. Gender: Nonbinary (??? what is identity). Sexuality: Ace bi

General sliders. "Relationship starts quickly vs the slowest burn you can possibly imagine" is marked fairly close to slowly and trails off towards slow burn. "They'll be together forever vs They'll break up after 2 months tops" has two marks, one at 2 months and one really close to forever. "Cute couple vs dear god they're ugly" is marked a quarter slider away from cute. "Reasonably healthy and normal relationship vs They're dying and getting killed and hurt man" has a wide mark all the way from the halfway point to a quarter away from healthy. "Extremely popular ship vs literally no one ships this but me" is marked fairly close to no one.

Specific sliders. "Giddy and happy to be in love vs they just killed themselves 40 times in their head at the idea of being in love" has loop at died and odile fairly close to died. "The madoka vs the homura" has loop at homura and odile a third of the slider away. "Telling anyone who will listen about their partner vs rarely brings up that they're in a relationship" has loop a quarter away from telling anyone and odile fairly close to rarely. "eats and/or encourages a healthy diet vs eats dry instant noodles only" has loop at noodles and odile a third away from healthy. "crazy ass vs truck freak" has loop at crazy ass and odile fairly close to truck freak.

Tell me why your ship is interesting... go!

What draws them together? Odile is the only motherfucker that can handle them; Loop is weird and intriguing.

What stands in the way? Poor communication skills; Loop is clingy but Odile often needs space; Loop lashes out and self-isolates.

What are their good traits? They're both hilarious and dedicated to the bit; they're both devoted to their loved ones.

What makes them hopeless at romance? Odile is aro-spec and uninterested in romance; Loop both hates/fears and craves romance; Luckily they can just be something stranger!

Describe them with one trope: found family, deadpan x emotional, secret third thing, I'll protect you from yourself.

[fakeoutbf]

five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety

[katsy-kitty]

I just wanted to say that I've been feeling better since Saturday afternoon and I'm no longer thinking of ending it all.

So that's good, I think.

Thank you once again to everyone who's been nice to me.

[bincliff]

,

[doctorweebmd]

a really nice comment on 'nothing else fills' made me actually reread it for like, the first time in its entirety and.

wow. its... actually really good. like. i teared up multiple times and i'm the one that wrote it. why was i so mean to myself about it.

[maybemeursault]

look okay it's bad to erase marvin's canonical sexuality and the fact that She Likes Men but i literally genuinely with all my heart think that she is a trans woman

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

having a history of chronic suicidality is a little funny when you get intrusive thoughts that feel so unserious and then you realise that you're seriously thinking about it and it's like... where did that come from?

[saltyfilmmajor]

I forgot how good The Wizard of the Last Century was

[littlest-bugz]

Child me would be so happy if they saw who I am today- That's not something I would've ever thought I would say, but here I am. It's kind of surreal, if I'm being honest.

That poor kid went through so much pain and suffering, but I never gave up. I have my system to thank for my safety, my ability to bounce back. I am fractured but whole- broken but beautiful.

If only he could see all the good that has come into our life. Yes, I live with the same abusive family, but there is so much good.

I finally got the accommodations I always needed, I can finally say I have friends who care about me and understand me, and I can even say that the suicidal ideation I've dealt with my whole life is not an issue- and so much more that I'm grateful for. Itty Bitty Bugz would be amazed.

I've fought tooth and nail to get here. I've fought so much I scratched myself in the process, but gods be damned I am here. I am alive and breathing, surviving but thriving.

Things will never be the same- not that there ever was a moment of my life not colored with trauma- but I will always be resilient. I will always fight for my life, even if it's far from perfect.

Those who hurt me in the past- they tormented me, made every waking moment of my life hell, yet somehow, I find it in my heart to forgive them. Forgiveness not for them, but me, so I may let go of the past and step into the future- a happy future.

Many of them can only see me in their dreams at this point, but I will never forget them and the pain they cause me. Yet, despite everything they did to me, I came out on top.

Child me would be so happy. There is hope.

[cowardlycowboys]

talking myself off a ledge when I was trying to have fun is so annoying

[elprupneerg]

I hate when I see a post that maybe has helpful information, but it’s so full of guilt tripping, calling people who don’t know the information stupid, and calling people who haven’t been talking about that particular problem stupid, that I don’t feel comfortable sharing it.

[starlooove]

My batfam gender sexuality hcs 🥰🥰🥰🥰:

Bruce: cishet he/him

Dick: cishet he/him

Jason: cishet he/him

Tim: cishet he/him

Steph: butch lesbian to ME! She/her but she’s trying out she/they and doesn’t know how to feel. Might fuck with neos but she’s not ready to take that step yet.

Cass: think early on in accepting that she’s a human being she’d psychoanalyze the fuck outta herself to see where she fits in and be super super super pressed about the entire thing to a detrimental point but as she progresses she’ll be fine. Lesbian, and she’s pretty sure she’s a girl most of the time sure 😄.

Duke: I think he knew he was not straight since he was young (moonlight opened his eyes and broke his heart) but he never really questioned his sexuality at all. The problem is that he doesn’t question it because the idea of gender roles (girls do this. Boys do that.) is so engrained in his mind that it’s not even something he thinks can be changed, if that makes sense? Anyways I don’t think he’s the type to get dysphoria he moreso experiences euphoria when exploring his gender identity. I think he would realize he has different views on his own gender when he sees other people expressing their own differently. Like genuinely he goes to school and sees another boy wearing lipstick and his brain blows up. As of this very moment he’s “exploring” but he’s actually a lil scared to genuinely confront himself about this and uses “there’s bigger problems in the world” to get out of it. End goal is non-binary but for now he’s at the veeeeeeery tail end of questioning.

Damian: I think at the moment Damian’s just not thinking about any of that but it’s in the opposite of duke; he knows he’s probably some kind of queer, both in sexuality and gender, but it’s just. Not top priority for him at the moment. I wanna bring up clothes rq bc, extra hc time, in MY mind Damian does express himself a lot through his clothing and getting to the manor made him a bit shy when it came to skirts and dresses. Seeing the way boys, and especially black and brown boys, who explore their femininity are treated, he just doesn’t mention it at all and the scenario never comes up. He gets more comfortable as time goes on though and later on gets bold enough to wear a dress to an event. He’s stonefaced but slightly regretting it till some younger kid sees him and is awe stricken, like stars in his eyes and asking if he can do that too. Damian feels better about it and resolves to wear whatever he wants more often. I don’t think he ever comes out in big big way (he’d tell the people closest to him but everyone else can just figure it out) but he genuinely doesn’t feel the need to label himself at all.

[theheroand]

I feel bad blocking my friend on this blog. but she can't see this anymore.

[mint-mumbles]

But…

Don’t stop the fight for equal rights!

Let your voice be heard!

And for those in a bad mental place, here are some links to posts that can provide you with helplines if you need:

Post 1

Post 2

Post 3

Post 4

Post 5

Post 6

Never forget, you are loved 🩷