#thought I wouldn’t have to say this myself but I still haven’t seen people bring it up

[i-am-shitpost]

Also for the record Wade has never asked anyone to put their tits away nor has he EVER discouraged being a preening slut. That read as just the slightest tinge of jealousy and it honestly caught me a little off guard. 10/10 no notes.

[undying-love]

John and Paul on each other: A Compilation

John:

"He [Paul] looked like Elvis. I dug him."

"I'm like everyone else, Harry. I fell for Paul's looks."

"..an old, estranged fiancée of mine called Paul."

"Paul...you're so well-built." (X)

"Groups like this are normally not friends. They’re just four people out there thrown together to make an act. There may be two of them who sort of go off and are friends, you know...Strictly platonic of course."

"Oh, I've had him, he's no good."

"I was riding on a boat called Paul, and now I'm riding on a boat called Yoko."

"I've compared to a marriage a million times and I hope it's… understandable. For people that aren't married. Or any relationship. It was a LONG relationship. It started many, many years before the American public, or the English public for that matter, knew us. Paul and I were together since he was 15, I was 16."

"Nobody ever said anything about Paul's having a spell on me or my having one on Paul! They never thought that was abnormal in those days, two guys together, or four guys together! Why didn't they ever say, "How come those guys don't split up? I mean, what's going on backstage? What is this Paul and John business? How can they be together so long?"

"Well, Paul had met Linda before [the Apple press conference], you see. I mean, there were quite a few women he'd obviously had that I never knew about. God knows when he was doing it, but he must have been doing it."

"I don’t even think about Paul unless somebody brings him up. Or if some song comes out or something happens, they’re in the newspaper. I don’t know why everyone doesn’t just leave him alone—I haven’t really seen him in ten years. I can talk about him forever because I know all about him, but you see, there’s nothing much to say."

[Studio chatter] Paul: I will be overpowering this time. John: Oh good. I like it when you’re brutal. (X)

Paul:

"John was really my only male friend, if only because of proximity."

"[While playing live] John was to the left or to the right of me, so I never got to sort of see him perform so much. Except in the film [Get Back]. And there he is in massive closeup. I can study everything about him.”

“I’ll just sit around and hug him forever, because that’s the depth of my feeling for him."

"And I would often sketch John when we worked together, often without him knowing it. It was so easy doing John because he had glasses, those sideboards...and that long, aquiline nose."

"When I painted him recently, I found myself saying, ‘How did his lips go?"

"I can still see John now: checked shirt, slightly curly hair…I remember thinking, ‘He looks good - I wouldn’t mind being in a group with him."

"James reminds me very much of John in many ways: he's got beautiful hands. John had beautiful hands."

"If I'm going to see a face in a painting, it's highly likely to be his."

"I still remember his beery old breath when I first met him that day. But I soon came to love that beery old breath. And I loved John."

"I’m often thinking of him. I dream of him."

"Delicious boy, delicious broth of a boy."

"John and I used to hitch-hike places together. It was something that we did together quite a lot; cementing our friendship, getting to know our feelings, our dreams, our ambitions together. It was a very wonderful period. I look back on it with great fondness. I particularly remember John and I would be squeezed in our little single bed."

"There's a song I do called Here Today which is specifically written for John. That sometimes catches me out. I realize I'm telling this man that I love him and it's like I'm publicly declaring this in front of all these people I don't know. I sometimes wonder what I'm doing."

"We are individuals— all different. John married Yoko, I married Linda. We didn’t marry the same girl.”

"Please Please Me was a John idea. John liked the double meaning of “please”. Yeah, “please” is, you know, pretty please. “Please have intercourse with me. So, pretty please, have intercourse with me, I beg you to have intercourse with me.” He liked that, and I liked that he liked that."

"[John] was a wild and woolly genius who it was my pleasure to work with, walk with, talk with and occasionally sleep with. "

Q: If John Lennon could come back for a day, how would you spend it with him? Paul: In bed.

"Then also [me and John] were like married, so you got the bitterness. It’s not a woman scorned this time, it’s two men scorned — probably even worse. And I had to make way for Yoko. My relationship with John could not have remained as it was and Yoko feel secure.”

"I think really what it was, really all that happened was that John fell in love. With Yoko. And so, with such a powerful alliance like that, it was difficult for him to still be seeing me. It was as if I was another girlfriend, almost. Our relationship was a strong relationship. And if he was to start a new relationship, he had to put this other one away."

[chasing-dreamers]

Just For You, Princess

(jjk) MDNI🔞

After finding out that you were feeling insecure, Sukuna makes sure to remind you that there’s no need for that.

-

Pairing: fem!reader x husband!Sukuna

Genre: Married human Sukuna AU, 18+, smut, comfort, established relationship

Warnings: MDNI, fingering(f receiving), unprotected sex(don’t do it!), soft!Sukuna, porn with some plot, very slight angst, aftercare, he says princess a lot

Word count: 2.4k

A/N: Hey! So, this is my first time posting any written work since 2019 and the first smut I’ve ever written, so please go easy on me! I have several fics I’ve either started and scrapped or just haven’t finished but somehow wrote this in a whole day! I’m very excited about this and I hope everyone enjoys!❤️

Disclaimer: I don’t own any rights to Sukuna or the JJK franchise, this is solely from my intellect and it in no means tied to anything other than my imagination.

“Princess, can you please tell me what’s wrong?” The man standing in front of you in your kitchen asked for the thousandth time since the two of you got home. He currently had you caged against the counter because he knew the moment he moved, you’d avoid him and go to sleep without talking to him about it. He refused to let another second go by without knowing what was wrong. Once you could tell him, he’d fix everything he could in an instant. Seeing you this upset was absolutely destroying him. “I don’t know what happened or what to say unless you tell me and you know that.”

You hesitated. It was stupid but it still bothered you more than it should have. Having to listen to a group of girls at Yuji’s party talk about this man and what they would do to him, knowing he had a wife (not knowing it was you). Then hearing that they couldn’t care less who she was because they had seen her and there was no way she’d be able to keep him loyal for that long… it ruined the whole rest of your night, shattering every thought and expectation you had for your relationship. Sukuna was your world, but were you enough? Would he really get bored of you? What was it about you that made them think he wouldn’t stay with you?

“Do you think about sleeping with other girls, Kuna?” You finally said just above a whisper. You kept your head down, looking towards his stomach, afraid to see the look on his face.

“Wha-“ Sukuna’s grip on the counter tightened for a split second as he tried to grasp what you were asking. Was his wife, of all people, really standing here questioning if he thought that or not?  “Why would I…You…Ring…What? Why would you ask me something like that, love?”

You looked up and saw the utter confusion in his eyes and slowly started to realize how stupid that question was. He searched your face trying to find any reason you could have. You took in a deep breath and held back tears as you answered. “Because there was an entire group of girls at Yuji’s party that were graphically detailing what they wanted from you. One of them even said that it would be easy to do because they had seen your wife and that she wasn’t worth staying loyal to and I was literally sitting right ther- “

Sukuna’s arms wrapped around you tightly and pulled you into his chest. You curled into him as you felt him bring his head down to nuzzle into your neck. “My sweet princess, there is no one else ever on my mind.” He pulled back slightly and grabbed your left hand and held it up in between the two of you. “Do you understand what this means?”

“Of course, it means I married you and…” You trailed off as you looked up and saw his knowing look.

“And that I married you, Princess.” He said sweetly. “It means that I have made a promise to devote myself to you and love you and not a single soul else.”

You nodded and gasped as he brought his mouth down to your ear, purring gently. “It also means that you are the only one I want to fuck as well. The only person I want to watch fall apart on my dick every night and make love to any chance that I can get.”

“K-Kuna.” You cried as he pushed you back up against the counter and hungrily latched his mouth to your neck. His hands ran down the sides of your body and then raked back up your thighs. He covered your body with his as he ran his tongue down your shoulder and back up. Your arms wrapped around his waist and your fingertips digging into the hard flesh on his back.

“It means that you are the one I’ve chosen to devour and consume for the rest of my life. The one I’ve chosen to relentlessly fuck in our bed every night. The one that I have to give these reminders to every time she thinks I would choose anyone else.” He grabbed the back of your thighs and picked you up as his mouth continued its attack on your soul. He carried you through your house and towards your bedroom. You clung to his desperately as he pressed you up against the wall in the hallway. You could feel his dick hardening against you as he ground his hips into yours.

“I have never wanted a single soul other than you since the day I met you, princess. If I need to keep reminding you like this, then I will happily do so.” He growled before smashing his lips into yours. Your mouths worked together, trying to express the emotions and promises swirling through the air around you. Sukuna’s tongue slipped into your mouth and you groaned at the feeling.

He hummed happily and pushed further into your mouth. You kissed his back with just as much force, wanting to show him how much you wanted, no, how much you needed this. Then he pulled you from the wall and turned into your room. He continued towards the bed, not skipping a beat in trying to devour you, nipping at your bottom lip and sucking it into his mouth. You huffed as he separated long enough to toss you onto the bed and strip your clothes off. He ripped your shirt over your head, then removed your bra, then quickly removed both your jeans and panties as well. You shivered as the feeling of cool air washed over your body, but Sukuna was quick to cover your body with his own again. He kissed you again as he ran his hands over your body. He brought them up to massage your breasts and you could feel him grin against you as you moaned into his mouth. One of his hands moved to hold your waist as the other continued down to settle in between your legs. “Gotta make sure my princess is prepped for me.”

He pushed one of his fingers past your folds and slowly began to push it into you. He watched in awe as your pussy swallowed his finger. You gasped as he began thrusting it in and out of you. He head shot back up and he grinned at your as he began thrusting it faster. Soon, he added a second finger and your moans got louder. “K-Kuna. Kuna. Kuna. Kuna.” You chanted hid name as a third finger went in and he curled them up just right. He hit that spot repeatedly and just stared at his hand disappearing into your cunt over and over again.

Then your orgasm hit your like a truck and you screamed his name. He smirked at you, licking his lips as he continued to coax the rest of it out of you. The squelching noises coming from your pussy made him even harder and he had to be inside of you right now before he lost his mind. Seeing your eyes blown out and your body trembling made his own body feel hot.

He pulled his hand out and made sure you were watching as he sucked your juices from his fingers. His eyes were also already blown out as you watched him crawl back off of the bed. He grabbed the bottom hem of his short and pulled it over his head. You ogled at his body as he began discarding his pants, your eyes raking over his tattooed chest before finally resting on his cock as it sprung out of his boxers. You tried to press your thighs together but Sukuna was too fast and was in between them in an instant. His cock rubbed against you, causing you to mewl and grab for him wherever your hands could reach. “Fuck, princess, you are so fucking wet for me.”

“J-just for you S-sukuna.” You stuttered as he began rutting against your clit. The stimulation was just enough to make the heat start spreading through your body but that alone wasn’t what you wanted. “P-please..”

“Yeah? You feel that, princess. That’s just for you.” Sukuna purred into your ear as he continued grinding down onto you.

“Then give it to me, Sukuna.” I used whatever sense in your mind you had left to spit your demand out. You needed him, all of him, so desperately and couldn’t wait any longer.

“As you wish, my princess.” He growled as he pushed his dick all the way in until you could feel his balls pressing against your ass cheeks. You shrieked at the stretch and the immaculate pleasure that came with it. He held himself up on his hands and watched at your face contorted with ecstasy. Your pussy welcomed him quickly and squeezed around him as began to slowly thrust in and out of you. The moans the two of you were swallowed as he leaned back down you pull you into a passionate kiss. He moved his lips against yours sensually as he used his hands to cup your face.

He began thrusting slowly, more caught up in how it felt to kiss you in this moment, trying to pour all of his emotions into it to show you how he truly felt. The love and longing and needing and knowing you were everything he could ever want and more. The bliss in being your husband, relishing every second of it. You hummed and moaned against his lips as his hips found a sweet spot in his pace to keep your toes curled without pushing you over the edge. Just enough to keep you right at the top without spilling over just yet.

Sukuna pulled away and pressed his forehead to yours, sighing deeply. “My sweet, sweet girl. Fuck, you feel so good every time.”

You moaned in response and he grinned down at you. Your hands ran up and down his back, following the contours of his muscles, locking them into your memory. “You feel so good, Kuna. I feel so full.” You panted as you began to feel the heat in your stomach intensify and your moans began to turn into whines and whimpers. “Faster…please.”

Sukuna moaned at the sound of your begging and he braced himself with his hands back on the mattress. His thrusts pick up into a very fast pace that had you mewling and begging with in coherent words. He marveled at how you looked underneath him falling apart. The best sight he could ever imagine.

Sweat begins to pour down his face as he continues a brutal pace. You feel so fucking good around him and he doesn’t want to stop. Your pussy sucks Jimin and the way he feels your walls drag along his dick as he pulls out with every thrust. It’s intoxicating and he can’t get enough. “Just. For. You.” He chants with every thrust. His jaw clenches and he can feel the release coming quickly as you rake your hands down his chest. You begin to get tighter around him with every thrust and he almost loses his breath.

He pushes through the fight of coming already to keep the sight of your shaking with pleasure underneath him. He licks his lips and growls more as he watches your boobs bounce up and down with every moment. There’s sweat all over his body now and he sees your skin begin to shine with a thin layer of your own on your body.

He dips his head down to swipe his tongue up in between your breasts. You push your body up into him and squeeze his shoulders as he trails his mouth up to your neck once more, nipping and sucking and whispering praises into your ear.

One of his hands runs over your breasts, twisting your nipple just to feel your whole body arch into him again, then down your stomach until you feel his thumb rubbing circles into your clit. You instantly feel yourself unravel around him.

“Gonna…gonna…gonna cu-“ Your whole body tenses and Sukuna grunts and goes faster as he feels your pussy clamp down onto his dick. He moved his hand back and continues picking up the pace until the whole bed is shaking and you’re screaming his name. He moans out your name as he pushes his dick as far into your pussy as he can and comes hard. His whole body twitches as you both come down from your highs.

He slowly pulls out of you and kisses you gently as you whine at the overstimulation. He pats your hair and copes to you as you come down from the last bit of your orgasm.

“Shhh princess, I’ll be right back.” You nod in response and listen as he runs into the bathroom, turns the shower on, and comes back into the room with a wet cloth. “Let’s clean you up and then go take a shower, princess.”

“Mmk, Kuna.” You hum, still feeling euphoric. He cleans you, then scoops you up and walks you to the shower. You sigh constantly as you feel the warm water cascading over your body. Sukuna places you down where you can stand, then grabs subs up a loofa to clean both of your bodies.

“Such a sweet princess, aren’t you?” He asks sweetly as you finally peel your eyes open to look up at him. He grins down at you and kisses you softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Sukuna.” You reply, wrapping your arms around him. “My Kuna.”

“Yes, princess,” he chuckles. “All yours.”

He finishes cleaning your bodies and then you take turns washing each other’s hair. He giggles when he has to lean down so you can reach his and kisses your pout away.

Once your shower is over, you both dry off, slip into cozy pajamas, change the bedding, and slip into bed together to go to sleep. Sukuna hums the tunes of the song you danced to at your wedding and cards his fingers through your hair as you quickly fall asleep. Then he wraps his arms around and drifts peacefully off with you.

This was so nerve wrecking to post, but I hope you all enjoyed it! Thank you so much for reading!

All right reserved © 2024 chasing-dreamers. Do not translate, copy, modify, or repost any of my works on any platform.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Does the "This is all a dream orchestrated by Malleus" relate to the Yuuverse with all the Yuus repeatedly going through the story over and over again? I have seen people theorize that every time a Yuu fails, a new one starts over and I'm too sleepy to actually relate this theory to the new events that just transpired.

I think you’re talking about two popular but different theories? 🤔 (Though now it definitely seems like those two theories are converging into one…?)

There were some that believed in the time loop theory. Some powerful entity (usually said to be Crowley) summons new Yuus every time the Yuu from the previous time loop fails and/or dies. It is said that the resets usually occur when Yuu is killed by an Overblot, with the most common “death by Overblot” owing to Grim. Some also embellish the theory with ideas about Crowley’s motives and whether he is a good person or not.

There is an extension of time loop theory—the “Yuu is dead” theory; in “Yuu is dead”, the player character is theorized to be someone who died while crossing the road (yup, an isekai classic; the manga and light novel Yuu all got transported at a crosswalk), and Crowley summoned them into Twisted Wonderland after their passing to serve his own needs. Sometimes people will point to Yuu emerging from a coffin and/or Crowley avoiding the topic of bringing them home (since it’s impossible due to their “dead” status) as proof of Yuu being dead. Both time loop and Yuu is dead theory primarily stem from the many iterations of Yuus across various official TWST media (the manga, the light novel, etc).

Others believed in the dream theory, in which (much like the original Alice in Wonderland), everything in Twisted Wonderland is just a dream that someone is having. There are variations of the dream theory depending on who the dreamer is, but the most common ones I’ve seen assign the designation of dreamer to either Yuu (who has been having prophetic dreams in the main story) and Malleus (whose Disney counterpart is strongly associated with inducing sleep). Sometimes dream theory also includes evidence backed up by Silver, who appears to have some kind of vague association with Yuu and their dreams. It is worth noting that some fans do not like dream theory because they feel that it devalues the experiences had and the relationships formed if nothing was “real”.

As I said before (given what we know of the most recent main story update), it seems like people are now combining different aspects of those two theories to make a new one. The update is still pretty fresh, so I haven’t yet had the time to read up and acclimate myself with the various time loop-dream theory combinations.

One thing that I will note is interesting is??? I remember Yana saying a few years ago that we should treat TWST’s events and vignettes as AUs separate from the main story, and at the time I thought it was to make things easier for the writing team (so they didn’t have to worry about timeline stuff). But now???? I’m wondering if every event and vignette was actually a part of the dream world… The evidence is (sort of??) there!!

I normally wouldn’t include gameplay mechanics as part of a theory (since I compartmentalize meta from the story/characters/lore), but I feel that the gloves are off for this since Malleus initiated what was essentially a fourth-wall break at the end of 7-37 (booting us back to the main screen of Twisted Wonderland after forcing everyone to sleep). The part where he casts his spell is even named “Forced Game Over”, which is very on the nose for a character who is not tied to technology other than being really bad at using it. He also says a lot of foreboding things about how “it would be better for fictional characters to stay as they are forever” (not an exact translation, I’m just generalizing).

AnYWAY, my thought is??? Are the events and/or vignettes meant to be the characters dreaming (not that Malleus necessarily created the dream world, but the dream world is like their collective unconscious and/or everyone having individual dream/their own iterations)???? Because Malleus promises to send them to a world where they can be “heroes”, a place where they can find “happy endings”, where no one has to leave. Most events and/or vignettes have very carefree vibes to them or just generally non-serious conflicts. They’re usually full of tales of carefree school days.

The vignettes and events also being part of the dream world also explains why Lilia (whose magic was supposedly waning is still able to use his quite proficiently), and why some characters who would normally be somewhat hostile towards each other seem more mellowed out in some events (ie Epel and Vil having an amicable relationship in the first Halloween event when they didn’t learn to get along until episode 5, which takes place in late winter). It would also explain why sometimes main story happenings are referenced in vignettes and events, but the vignette and event happenings are not mentioned in the main story. Characters are bringing knowledge of reality into the dreams, but when they “awaken” from those dreams, they cannot recall all the details from them.

Another detail that’s pretty suspicious is the animation that plays when you’re Groovying a card 👁️ 👄 👁️ What covers the screen when you do??? That’s right—thorns, just like when Malleus casted his unique magic. Was this TWST’s indirect way of cluing us in that the whole damn game was just a dream?????? The title whenever we boot up the game was staring at us in the face with the “answer” all along: Twisted Wonderland. A dreamy place full of wonders—but just that, a dream.

xbsjsvwisview. JUST SoMETHING TO THINK ABOUT, I DuNNO 🤡 Sorry for sounding like a college professor lecturing on Disney pretty boys—

[tra-archive]

why are you still openly supporting and reposting @/menalez after all the sh*t she's said about osa women? she's attacked several radfems in this community over the years and stirred rumors on her discords about them, spread lies etc. /gen

I’m not getting involved in radblr infighting, sorry. I made that mistake when I posted about sincerelyyelling and the MAGAts came at me in the DMs just because I had thoughts about her voting for Trump (they weren’t even on radblr, just butthurt Trumpers like wtf). Same with redberryterf, I called her out and the racists came flooding my asks. I’ve learned that getting myself involved in radblr drama turns into a shitshow. I had to block mutuals and everything, it absolutely sucked.

However you did ask this in a fairly civil way anon (thank you) so I’ll share my thoughts under the read more. Warning: discussion of radblr drama below

All I’ll say is this: If I felt that she was hateful, then I wouldn’t interact with her. But I’ve looked at her tumblr and her replies and in my opinion I don’t think she’s said anything that was “attacking” osa women. If there’s receipts of this discord thing then I’ll check it out, but so far the claims about her haven’t been proven. Part of me having a receipts blog is posting evidence of people being hateful, so if there’s ever a claim like that for someone on radblr I will also want receipts as well.

I think she, like many lesbians on radblr, get frustrated when we (osa women) act like lesbians somehow have privilege over us with dating, which I have seen people say, and honestly I have seen quite a bit of lesbophobia on radblr so I can see why lesbians are a little on edge when osa women bring up the topic of dating, relationships & separatism. I get the frustration. Same with WOC radfems when white radfems refuse to admit we still have privilege. I get why woc might not want to interact with us after so many white women have been ignorant.

Anyway I didn’t mean to rant but those are my thoughts. To anyone reading: don’t comment on this post arguing with me on this topic unless you want to get blocked bc honestly I don’t have the energy for radblr infighting. If there’s receipts, show them. If not, go fight with someone else.

[im-not-a-l0ser]

Her, Chapter Four

So, this has been on my ao3 for a while and I thought I posted it here, but I apparently did not. So, this is that.

If you haven't read Her, you can find links each chapter in my pinned post.

Eventually, Max gave up on looking for her. Any time he went to her house, there was either no one home, or her mother would peer through the window and then lock the door.

Clearly, she didn’t want to see him. 

Max’s dad was right. He was unlovable, and he’d be alone for the rest of his life. If he was lucky enough to graduate high school, he’d live alone in a trailer park, working at a gas station. He was a failure and he had no one. 

Max’s dad finding out was worse than when Max figured it out himself. 

Max used to go out with her so much, his dad loved it. It gave him plenty of time to bring back his own lady friends back to the house and do whatever he wanted with them.

So after about a week of Max not leaving the house at all, he asked.

“Why haven’t you been leaving the house?” He asked. “Didn’t you used to go out with that Matthews girl?”

“Well, not anymore,” Max said bitterly. He sat up in his bed. “She hasn’t talked to me in like a month.”

“I thought you’ve been going to see her.”

“Yeah, I’ve been going to find her. I haven’t seen or heard from her. If her family didn’t love her so damn much, I would’ve reported her missing. But since they do, if she were missing…” He flopped back onto his bed. “We would know.”

“Well, I need you to get out of the house.” 

“Don’t your lady friends have homes?”

“Sure they do, but that’s where their husbands are,” He said. Max stifled a groan. “Out. You can come back tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Max nearly yelled, shooting up out of his bed.

“I have to make up for lost time,” His father said as if it were oh so obvious.

“Where am I supposed to go?” 

“I don’t give a shit, but if you don’t get up and leave, I will pull you by the ear myself!”

Max sighed. 

“Can I pack real quick?”

“Five minutes. Then I want you out.”

Max quickly emptied out his messy backpack and stuffed a sweatshirt and sweatpants inside. He stuffed a charging cord and adapter for his phone inside, hooked the headphones she gave him when his father refused around his neck, before putting on the backpack and hugging his pillow to his chest, in case he needed to sleep on the street that night. 

He scrambled out of the house as fast as he could. 

He knew what would happen if he didn’t. 

The summer let the sun shine still at 7:30 pm, so he settled in a park for a minute. 

He knew it was a long shot, but he called her first. 

The phone rang what must’ve been at least a dozen times, before the stupid automated voice played.

“I’m sorry. This number—”

Max hung up. 

He headed to snapchat next. That’s where he knew all of his teammates. He didn’t have any of their phone numbers.

Jason was always the nicest. He was the only one who never picked on her. He was by far Max’s best bet. 

Max: Can I stay at your house tonight?

Jason: Lemme ask my parents.

They say it’s fine. You know I have siblings though, right?

Max: Beggars can’t be choosers. 

Jason: Is everything okay? 

Why don’t you stay at your gf’s house? Is she okay? I don’t think I’ve seen her this summer. 

Max: It’s fine

It was an utter fucking lie, but if it got Jason off of his back. 

That night, Max stayed in Jason’s bedroom, sleeping on an air mattress. 

He slept there the next week too, when his father demanded he leave again. 

Eventually, Jason wouldn’t give up on finding out what happened. 

“Max, it’s okay, I promise. I won’t tell anyone. Please.”

“It doesn’t matter, Jason!” Max snapped at him.

He’d been doing that so much more lately. 

“I just don’t have anywhere else to go,” He said, much more meekly. He cleared his throat. “Uh, I can’t stay at my friend’s house. Since she’s a girl. Her parents aren’t okay with it.”

“Friend?” Jason asked. “I thought you two were dating.”

“No, we weren’t!” Max exclaimed. “Okay? People kept harassing her, so we told people so they’d fuck off. We never dated.”

“Oh,” Jason said. “I see.” He looked down at his knees. “I’m sorry that it got so bad you had to pretend.”

“Not your fault,” Max grumbled. “You’re the only fucker who didn’t go after her.”

“Why’d they do that anyway?” Jason asked. “I’m sure she’s lovely, but there are so many other pretty girls in our grade.”

“I don’t know,” Max said, wiping his hand over his face. “Sometimes I think they were trying to get at me, not at her. Maybe I’m right. Maybe that’s why—” Max cut himself off. 

“Why what?” Max let his head fall.

“I haven’t seen her since the end of the school year. Or even heard of her. Maybe she’s avoiding me so that guys stop going after her. Guys who know how much I care about her, and how much it hurts when she gets hurt.”

“Oh,” Jason said.

“They’d always run off for a while after I fought them off, but they’d come back. It got better after we claimed we were together. I think some of the guys on our team were just trying to push me to ask her out. Like Kyle, y’know? He means well, he just doesn’t know what he’s doing. But some of ‘em, I think they liked how she’d cower in fear when I wasn’t around. She’s not helpless, but they’d always think she was. And with those ones, it got worse after we started dating. Forbidden fruit or some dumb bullshit.”

“Wow,” Jason said. “I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, whatever, shut the fuck up,” Max spat out of reflex. 

“I’ll keep the air mattress in my closet for when you come over. Just let me know as soon as you know that you need to.” 

“Thanks Jason,” Max said. “Sorry about being such a dick, I just…” He took a breath. “She kept me in line. It’s like… Fuck, I don’t even know. It’s a rope on a bundle of sticks. When you cut it off, it all falls apart.”

“That’s not bad for a short notice metaphor,” Jason noted with a small laugh that Max mirrored. 

“She made me really happy, y’know? She was my best friend. I don’t even know what happened. I went to her house, and the guy there said he didn’t even know who she was, even though they had the same last name. It’s like she disappeared right off the face of the earth.”

“Yeah,” Jason muttered. “I don’t mean to scare you, but… it is Hatchetfield. People go missing every day.” Jason shook his head.

“Her parents care about her too much. We would’ve heard about it. You know how much the news likes to stir the pot. If she were missing, she would have like a million different conspiracy theories about what happened to her.” 

“Well,” Jason said. “Hopefully that means she’s safe then. 

“Yeah.” 

The following days went the same. Jason would text him around noon to ask him if he’d eaten that day, and only about half the time the answer was yes.

Every time Max came over, Jason would provide him with a nice home-cooked meal, usually a rarity for Max, and water. 

“You don’t gotta do that, y’know,” Max muttered, being handed the plate of food as Jason sat next to him on the couch.

“I know,” Jason said. “I want to though. I mean, your mama left ages ago…” Max grimaced at the mention. “And I don’t think you can cook. We’re getting closer and closer to next school year— our first year of high school! And I know you’re gonna try out for the high school football team, so… you need to actually eat and stuff,” He said. 

“Thanks,” He muttered

“You got it, man,” Jason said, nudging Max’s arm. 

They ate together quietly as the TV played in the background. Jason’s parents and siblings ate at the table, which didn’t have enough room for both Jason and Max, so Jason insisted on keeping Max company in the living room. 

“Max!” Max heard as Jason’s little siblings ran into the room. “Wanna play hide and seek with us outside?” The boy asked.

“Please!” The girl asked.

Max had learned their names, but couldn’t remember them. 

“Wash your dishes first!” Jason’s mom called from the kitchen. 

Max smiled at them and led them into the kitchen to wash his dish. 

Days like this became more common.

Max began helping out if he could. 

Jason’s mom and dad started teaching him how to cook. 

Max liked cooking. He could only do it at Jason’s house, since the one time he tried to properly cook at his own house, he ran into a couple of road blocks; one of which being that his dad yelled at him for being a girl, and the other being the utter lack of proper pans in the house. Apparently his mom took them with her.

Good on her. It’s not like his father ever used them anyway. She deserved the cookware. 

But, every time he cooked something on his own, he just couldn’t help but think of what she would think of his food. He hoped she’d like it.

Sometimes he thought of cooking for her. Something special, for them. He shook those thoughts, as well as any potential tears, away. 

He couldn’t afford to keep thinking of her. After all, school would be starting up in a couple of weeks! He’d see her again soon. 

Unless she moved and didn’t tell him. Or worse, she died, and her family never reached out. Even though they know how much she means to him. 

Speaking of going back to school, it’d taken a lot of reminding to get Max’s dad to actually take him back to school shopping. Which, honestly, just consisted of his father giving him his credit card and threatening that if he spent over $120, he’d regret it. 

Either way, he was looking at backpacks when he spotted that man again. 

He was dressed similarly to the first time he’d seen him. Khakis, a polo shirt, and a thin jacket slapped on top. He pulled a plain black backpack off the rod and put it in the cart, which was half-hidden behind the nearby shelves of purses. 

“I got the pencils and accordion folder.”

Max tensed. 

He… that wasn’t her. He knew that wasn’t her, it couldn’t be her. He moved closer as discreetly as he could. 

“Alright, I grabbed this backpack for you. But you can pick another one if you like,” The man offered with a kind voice. 

“No, this one’s fine. I don’t really think standing out is the best idea. I’ll already be the quote unquote ‘new kid.’” 

See, it wasn’t her! But damn, the voice was so similar, and they spoke in that same way that she did. Thinking through every single word, even though she didn’t even know what word she’d need to think of next. Words sort of just flowed out, but as if they had to pass through a quick terminal first. 

There were some small differences. The voice was slightly deeper, but not by much. The T’s were more enunciated than hers, which was admittedly saying a lot.

“Hey, well, you’ve already got a few friends! Ted’s been bugging me about setting up a play-date with you and Peter,” The man said. Max heard the person scoff. That sounded like her too. 

“Don’t call it that, we’re basically high school students,” They said.

“Right. Sorry,” The man said. “Regular date?” Max heard something hit the man and then the floor, which made his head jerk over. The man was picking up a pack of pencils off the floor. 

“Gross,” They said. “We’ve only met a couple of times. And I don’t really think Peter is my type.”

“You have a type?” There was a pause of silence, in which Max could practically see her annoyed, deadpan face. He missed that face. She made it a lot, since Max could be an idiot.

Sometimes that was on purpose. 

“No, I just watch sport anime because I like sports,” They droned sarcastically. 

“Ah, okay,” The man said. “That, that makes sense.”

“Although, I actually like it more than I expected,” The person said, speaking quicker now. 

This was also something she did. When she was talking about something she liked a lot and the words just jumped the turnstile. 

“Like, the up-close stuff makes it much more interesting than just watching sports on their own, and most of them have to do with specific people whose skills complement each other working together.”

“I’ve heard the rant,” The man said. “Should we get something for your brother? It’s his first year back here, right?” 

“Yeah,” The person droned. “I feel bad. I feel like I’m tearing him away from his great education.” 

“It’s Ohio,” The man deadpanned. “How good can it possibly be?” Max covered his mouth to control his snickers. 

“Okay, well his friends then!”

“Long distance friendships exist,” The man reassured.

Max could feel his phone weighing down his pocket. 

“I just don’t want him to feel like he needs to come back in order to support me.”

Max was starting to feel like he was invading this conversation too much. He picked the backpack he’d already decided on a few minutes ago, placed it in his cart and promptly steered it away.

He caught a glance of the person as he went. 

Their jacket looked very familiar.

[insidekaz]

Man, having insomnia fucking sucks.

Hello internet. Welcome back to yet another blog where I release the thoughts that are trapped inside this rather abnormal cranium of mine. Tonight, I write to you from a rather weird setting. Instead of me typing out my post in the middle of the evening from my rather impressive custom-built computer, I instead type to you from my iPad. It’s currently 3:40 in the morning on this cold December Friday, my partner sleeping soundly next to me.

At least, I think it is.

Honestly, I’m not really sure. Luckily, I broke out the quiet keyboard to type in bed.

Anyway,

I haven’t updated this blog in a while. I could lie and say that I’ve been working on other projects, but that wouldn’t be entirely true. I mean, I have been working on other stuff, but there’s been a lot less finishing projects and more starting and stopping. I mean, I’ve been working on a review script for Marmalade Is Missing for the last month and a half. I only have three or four paragraphs left to type, yet, every time I go to work on it, I tend to find myself in a sudden state of unease. Like, I’m perfectly aware that I shouldn’t fear my own creations getting out into the public. Hell, I started a blog back up on a website that I check maybe once a week. It’s really less my own views on my work and more worrying about how the world might react, if that makes any sense.

With the direction that America is going in, you can’t blame me for having these anxious thoughts about my projects. When my stuff hits the web, it isn’t going to be just me that’s going to have a small spotlight shining down on them, but also everyone affiliated with me. My partners, my alters, my friends, and anyone else that I bring on this project. Kameron Kazma’s Something Show is a project that I have somewhat ridiculously high hopes for, but I do truly believe that my work could bring the entertainment that the Internet deserves right now. I’ve been paying close attention to what’s being seen as comedic in today’s day and age. Very few people are trying to do anything original these days, most of the digital community diluting down to repost and “Loud Equals Funny” content. It almost feels like my devices have been infected with some kind of virus, one that ignores the fact that I frequently tap “Not Interested” on every piece of stolen content on TikTok so that it can force more down my throat.

Speaking of TikTok, that’s got social media on fire right now. From what I’ve seen, the TikTok Ban is still happening on January 19th of next year (2025 in case someone is reading this in the future.) Apparently ByteDance has already tried to file for an appeal to the court once, but it was quickly shot down. Word has it that the company is going to try again. I’m not going to hold my breath for too long though. If anything, I might still be able to access it on my computer whenever I want to post something. Only problem is that now I’ll have to start double editing all of my short form content so that I can still post it for both mobile users of TikTok and computer users of YouTube. Gotta keep that content flowing, ya know?

While I’m practically venting out the inner thoughts of my mind, that’s another thing that I need to maybe start worrying about now: the algorithm. I’ve always hated the idea of following treads to get a following. I’ve always been someone who likes the idea that I could make it BIG doing my own thing. I hate the idea of having to follow in the footsteps of someone else, but recent events make it seem as if I need to start paying a little more attention to what popular these days. This was already something that I was loosely aware of before, but I think I stopped taking notes when popular trends contained petty theft and purposely pissing people off to get cargo ships full of hate comments. (JelloApocolypse’s One Piece video is the best worst example of this.)

The least I could do is see what’s popular in a positive light and try to work that into my projects.

That is, of course, I get any of those projects done…

I might need to start hiring people to pester me into getting things done.

(Also, random side note, I’m listing to BRAINS! By Voltaire while I’m typing this and the gif above weirdly goes along with the song. I picked that gif, like, three or four songs back. Just a random thought.)

Alright, I’ve gotta get to bed. My partner just woke up cause its usual work alarm went off, but it has the day off. I might be in a bit of trouble in the morning for still being up at 4 A.M., so wish me luck! I’ll do my random color coding in the morning when I wake up (considering I either sleep or sit here until the sun rises.)

Stay safe out there.

-Kameron D. Kazma

P.S. Again, there’s isn’t some kind of secret code to the coloring of my post. I just like making it look weird.

Or maybe there is a code.

Not like anyone’s gonna take the time to figure it out either way…

[ogdoadfates]

This is a little all over the place but I’ve been dieing to write at least something while I’m so busy with art fight, commissions and all the other things happening this july, so have some percahllia in my Potions and Trinkets au!

One thing Vex noticed rather quickly after getting to know Percy was that he rarely showed much skin but after a while and some rather interesting events, she got to see why. He’s covered in scars, something she didn’t expect to find under the shirt of the tinkerer. A few here and there sure but as she retraces a scar marring his chest she knows that there is more to his story then what he’s revelived to her.

Of course he’s told her some, not all though. Vex can guess where some are from, a murderous betrayers knife finding its way long ago into a frightened boy's side, a horrendous fall into a rapid filled with dagger sharp rocks that granted him his escape in exchange for his blood. Still there are gaps to his story that she only has mysterious echos of mangled flesh to help her puzzle together.

As Percy’s work worn fingers trace over a scar marring her side, she’s reminded she herself doesn’t have room to talk when it comes to revealing stories. In fact she’s probably accidentally told Keyleth more than she’s told Percy, which brings up a thought.

“Does Keyleth know how you got these?” She asks as she lightly drags her fingers over a particularly large puckering scar on his waist. As his brow furrows with discomfort she’s quick to add. “I’m not asking for details on where you got them just if she knows.”

Though his brow stays furrowed it’s no longer uncomfortable but rather in thought. “I believe I’ve told her. I was rather delirious when we first met, I’m not even sure how much I told her.” He takes a deep breath in, his eyes take a slow glance around the room till they make their way back to hers. “She knows a great deal, enough to where she knows me better than myself I feel.”

“Keyleth does seem to have an innate ability to get people to ramble their life stories.” Vex mumbles causing Percy to laugh and what a delightful sound it is. It’s such a beautiful noise and her heart gives off a joyful yet pained pang, it’s one born of happiness of hearing this cherished sound more and more often but with the saddening note of how many years the sound has been lost to the world.

“That she does.” He says looking to the ceiling with a gaze miles and miles away from their place on his bed but it isn’t in the tortured way she usually finds him in, where he’s locked in a time long ago rather it’s one of a sad yet happy fondness. In some ways the expression reminds her of the day the two of them finally stopped dancing around each other, the only difference being shy bashfulness had replaced this sadness. “Does it bother you?”

The sudden question startles Vex out of her prolonged staring. “What do you mean?” She asks, her voice thick with confusion. It’s not like Keyleth explicitly asks or bugs people into telling her their life stories, it’s more so a thing that just happens so it’s not like it bothers her.

“That I’ve not told you everything.” He’s looking into her eyes with a cautious intensity that she hasn’t seen directed her way from him in a long while, it gives her pause for but a moment till she bursts into giggles. She can feel the man besides her confusion but she really can’t help but laugh.

“Darling, I’ve barely told you of my own past, I feel I’d be a bit of a hypocrite if I disliked the fact you haven’t told me everything, not to mention I wouldn’t be here as often as I am if I had a problem with it!”  She knows he fully understands her meaning as she sees the blush overcome his now smirking face.

[astoldbyaja]

The Blossom surrounded by Fire - Ch. 6 (Warrior AU- HBO MAX)

By the next week, I felt comfortable walking the streets alone during the day without needing Chao to be with me. By now my presence in this town was well known and I would like to think I wasn’t seen as an outsider. But that didn’t mean I was welcomed into their shops with open arms. I wanted to have more responsibility with Chao as well.

I noticed he was bringing up the tongs and his worry for me treating them as of late. I wouldn’t say it was a fight, but he reminded me that many of these tongs were his customers and if I stepped out of line with them, then that would fall back on him and his business. Of course, I told him I understood and would do my best to limit my dealings with them. He would send me on errands from time to time, mainly delivering an envelope of cash to someone or a letter to them. I didn’t mind doing this. It gave me a chance to get familiar with my surroundings here in Chinatown. If I ever found myself out after dark, I wouldn’t be completely at a disadvantage. I was on my way to Ah Toy’s brothel now to deliver some envelops to her.

“You seem to be fitting in quite quickly in Chinatown.” she said as we sat at the bar. She wasn’t wearing makeup or any fancy dresses. I gave a dry chuckle.

“It’s taken a few months, but people don’t look at me with distrust.” I replied. She nodded.

“That’s because you aren’t the enemy. The ducks and the bulls are our enemy.” she said. I didn’t make a motion to agree or disagree.

“I am just trying to find my way is all. I know some day Chao and I will have to separate, and I will need to find somewhere to go.” I replied. She nodded and raised a hand lazily to the ceiling.

“You can always stay here.” she replied. Her words seemed genuine which confused me.

“I- Wouldn’t I be bad for business? A negro in a Chinese brothel?” I asked. She chuckled.

“As long as you have a pussy, men will always want to fuck you. Many men were coming to me throwing money at me for a night with you when Chao brought you to meet me.” she said. I looked down in thought.

“Bolo was right.” I muttered. Ah Toy grinned.

“And it seems he is the second to have had you then.” she told. I looked at her almost curious of how she knew I had lain with Chao. She laughed mischievously. “Oh come on, it’s not a secret. People suspect you and Chao have fucked. He’s a lucky man, you’re beautiful, you have different ears which make you stand out… you’d make me a lot of money.” she said. My cheeks were flushed now, and I didn’t know how to reply and she smiled more.

“Don’t worry. All my girls are taken care of that work for me They are safe. But I wouldn’t ask that of you. I would find other work for you. Maybe you can help my girls when are sick.” she said. The thought made me smile and I nodded, before wondering why she would even help me.

“But why would you even help me?” I asked. She grinned and leaned off the bar, placing a hand on my cheek.

“Chao vouches for you. He trusts you and so I trust you as well. You haven’t caused any trouble yet. And us girls need to stick together.” she told. I smiled grateful for her words. It would be nice to have a backup plan for when the day comes that Chao and I must split ways.

“Thank you.” I replied. She nodded and moved to pour herself another glass of alcohol.

“So how was he?” she asked. I was still now, face showing nothing, but confusion and she grinned. “Bolo?” My eyes flexed and I chuckled.

“He is nice company.” I replied and she laughed out loud.

“Oh, you have to give me more than that! The way he tries to be discreet as he desperately looks for you when Young Jun comes in, is almost adorable. You have that man’s cock under a spell.” she said. I was taken by surprise by her words.

“Really?” I asked, and she nodded with excitement in her eyes.

“Really!” she replied. I didn’t really know how I felt about that.

“I didn’t realize he enjoyed my company that much.” I said now smiling at the air in front of me. A form catches my attention from the stairs, and I see a young girl coming down. She is dressed in blue and silver. She has darker skin than Ah Toy and had long hair pulled back with bangs covering her forehead. Ah Toy smiled and held her arm up to the girl who approached immediately.

“Amaka, this is Lai from Yumingzui. I found her at the slave auction and felt she would be a good addition here cleaning.” she said. Lai looked at me and gave a shy nod and I nodded back.

“Hello.” I replied. The older woman looked at the smaller petite woman.

“Amaka, comes from a slave life. She is always welcome here.” she told. The young girl looked nodded up at her and then looked at me and gave a more genuine smile. I felt I had taken up too much time as I had to run another errand.

“I must go.” I replied. Ah Toy nodded taking my hand and patting it before I separated from them both. I only had one more thing to deliver and I sort of wish I didn’t have to deliver it. I had a message to give to Fung Hai leader Zing. I made my way to his territory and already my presence here had many Fung Hai following me. I even saw the man who had a gash on his shoulder. He wasn’t close enough for me to see how his wound was. Once I made it to the tong’s headquarters, I was blocked by a few men. I looked at them nervously and bowed with respect.

“I have a message to deliver from Wang Chao to Zing. It is about the shipment order he placed.” I replied. The men looked at each other before motioning for me to follow. I did so quietly and was led into the belly of the beast it seemed. It was dark and many Fung Hai were relaxing and smoking on long sofas surrounded by pillows and girls. They looked at me with vicious eyes. I looked at the second floor and noticed men looking down at me as well. It smelled like smoke in here. I was taken upstairs and down another hall. I could hear rhythmic noises and as I was taken to a door with drapes on them, the man motioned me inside. I could hear full on moans coming from the other side. I stiffened and looked at the man who just motioned for me to go in.

I took a deep breath and walked in and all I could see is body on body. Well Zing was thrusting aggressively into a woman on her hands and knees. They were on blankets and pillows and bare as the day they were born. I found my eyes locking on the tattoos going down his shoulders and side. He flipped his hair back and finally looked at me.

“Ah if it isn’t Chao’s little errand girl… Amaka.” he said with a grunt as he thrust harder into the girl covered in tattoos as well. I finally looked away trying to just think of anything else. I raised my hand into my satchel and took out the letter.

“Hello, Zing. I came to bring you a letter from Chao.” I replied moving to lean over and place it on the ground. I had fully bent over and had the letter on the ground.

“Don’t move.” he growled. Now I felt slight panic as I was still and looked at him now. But he wasn’t looking at my face, but more my chest that was exposed in this position since I was leaned over. What an animal. He started thrusting faster, and harder, the young woman moaning and crying out begging for more. He looked at my chest a bit longer before finally looking me in my eyes and I held his gaze, feeling determination to show he did not get to me. Brown eyes challenged brown eyes as his movements became ragged and his face tightening as he obviously found his release. He let out a low growl as his head falls back and he seems to be marveling in his orgasm. I took this time to stand back up. however, I forgot to leave the letter on the ground.

“Tell me, Amaka, when old Wang Chao has you on your back, do you cum hard for him?” he asked after smacking the girl’s bottom. She immediately stood up and began to gather her clothes which were in a pile in the corner before leaving. She looked my way and I just looked down. I looked back at the man now as he was just standing there naked in front of me. I slowly looked him over taking in the sight of his firm muscles, his now flaccid cock, and his strong legs. His question made my face scrunch up in a scowl as I looked back up at him.

“Sex is sex. Sometimes you get off, sometimes you don’t.” I replied. Now he threw his head back up in laughter as he turned to grab his clothes.

“So, the man can’t even get you off huh?” he asked. I shook my head.

“I didn’t say that.” I replied.

“You didn’t have to.” he said pulling some black pants on and a faded grey vest. I noticed the brown wrist cuffs he wore. I rolled my eyes since he wasn’t looking at me.

“I just came to deliver-”

“One of my men informed me that you helped him after a scrap with Hop Wei.” he cut me off. He turned to me and motioned for me to come closer. No. I don’t want to. But my feet moved two steps inside and I just held the letter to my side.

“I help a lot of people. Maybe he was your man maybe not.” I replied. He crossed his arms giving an amused smile.

“His shoulder is healing quite nicely.” he said. I couldn’t stop the look of relief that fell over me.

“Well, I am glad I could help.” I said preparing to hand him the letter.

“I want to employ your services here for my tong.” he said. My head shook, as I was thrown off by his words.

“Well if you’d like to pay me for helping your man you can, but I really don’t need to be paid. Just helping a man who needed it.” I replied. He chuckled shaking his head.

“I don’t think you understand. You will work for me and only me and my tong providing your medical skills when needed.” he said.

“You do business with Chao and as I am an associate with him, I am always willing to offer my help. But I plan to be an independent contractor just like him.” I replied, his eyes focusing on me with each word spoken. And I did not sound convincing at all. But I had to be.

“And what if that’s not good enough for me?” he asked. I tensed.

“I cannot turn someone away who comes to me. Besides, I do not take money for my services, and it seems that’s all you offer.” I replied. He tilted his head to the side with a casual shrug stepping closer to me and slowly the space between us was dwindling.

“Well, you have two options: you can take my money, or you can take my cock.” he said flatly.

[yoursome1-rbwebb]

Caught in Haze

Previous | Next

Chapter 9

Five weeks of summer break went by faster than I wish it had. 

Casey and I spent most of our time splayed across the couch in the living room binge watching TV like our lives depended on it. When we weren’t doing that, I was either training or working out, getting ready for pre-season while Casey finished her online classes for the summer.

We really didn’t venture out much outside of that. All our other friends had either gone on family vacations or left town to pursue their adult lives and I am envious of them.

I’m ready. Ready to start my life. Ready to prove myself on the collegiate level. Ready to make my name mean something.

For now though, I’m stuck training on the same field I’ve used for the last four years. I’ve been out here for about two hours already today. I don’t normally stay out here this long but I had to get away from Casey and her nasty opinions about Derek Shepherd from Grey's Anatomy. 

Safe to say we will never see eye to eye when it comes to men.

I jogged forward with the ball at my feet occasionally doing a quick move to get past a cone. After beating all my decoy defenders I shot the ball into the top right corner of the goal and grinned at the satisfying way the net rippled.

My grin instantly faded when I heard someone begin to slow clap behind me. I spun around with a confused look on my face. I had been the only one out here the last time I checked.

To my surprise there stood Noah dressed in training gear with a smile on his face and a ball at his feet.

He looks different. Tanner maybe? Stronger?

Whatever it is, he is radiating confidence I have never seen on him before.

“Nice shot Walker.” He said, stopping his slow clapping.

I couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Noah!” I grinned and ran over to him.

When I reached him I jumped into his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck. Both of us laughed as we hugged each other just happy to be in each other's presence.

Practicing alone has been a lot less fun with him being gone all summer.

“Hi” He said softly into my ear. 

His arms pulled me into him tighter immediately making me swoon. He definitely seems a lot stronger after his training camp. I mean he has always been strong but I can literally feel the muscles in his torso tense against my body through his shirt. Kinda makes me wish he wasn’t wearing his shirt.

Don’t drool on him Charlie.

I pulled out of his arms to get my dirty thoughts under control and smiled shyly at him.

Noah Haze has always seemed like the innocent type. I wouldn’t even be surprised if he was a virgin. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I just point it out because I…

I am not a virgin to say the least.

Leaving a teenager to their own devices for a year is not the greatest idea if you don’t want them to be sexually active. 

I really don’t want to make him uncomfortable with my dirty thoughts.

“How was camp?” I asked him, still genuinely happy to see him.

His golden eyes took in my face like we haven’t seen each other in years.

“It was great. All the guys are pretty excited for the world cup next year. Coaches say I’m a lot closer to making the roster than I realized.” He said, shifting awkwardly on his feet. He has always been incredibly humble so for him to bring this up means he’s excited about this. As he should be.

I took his right hand into mine to help calm his nerves.

“That’s amazing Noah. I am so proud of you.” I smiled reassuringly. 

“Thanks Charlie.” He smiled and pulled me by our connected hands back into a quick hug. I just laughed and let him embrace me.

It’s nice being held by Noah.

He is one of the nicest people I have ever met and I think it is physically impossible to feel unsafe around him. I let out a content sigh as he rested his chin on the top of my head. 

“Should we get to some shooting practice then?” He asked but didn’t make a move to pull away. I couldn’t help but grin knowing it was probably because he is enjoying the embrace as much as I am.

“Probably.” I sighed happily then pulled out of his arms.

We stared at each other for a moment longer trying to decipher this new tension between us before I turned towards the goal.

The two of us practiced set pieces and did a few shooting drills until the late afternoon sun was too much to handle. We cleaned up the equipment together like we used to do almost everyday like no time had passed since then.

“What are your plans tonight?” I asked Noah, trying to make small talk as we walked towards the parking lot. 

“I will probably just sit in my room and play video games.” He shrugged.

“Didn’t you just get back? No family plans?” I asked. Every time I went away to soccer camps my mom always took me to dinner the day I got back. It’s strange that he will just be holed up in his room.

“Uh no.” I watched as his body tensed slightly at the new subject. “Parents are in Greece celebrating some big case that they won.”

Something in his voice made my heart hurt. We had talked about his parents a few weeks ago at his party and I got the sense then that they may not be around a lot. His statement kind of confirms that.

“So your house is empty again?” I asked as we reached his black sports car. 

Noah opened the passenger side and threw his bag inside before turning to look at me with a frown on his face.

“No, Riley is home too.” 

I thought his demeanor towards his parents was dark but just mentioning his sister seemed to cause a storm of emotions behind his golden eyes.

Honestly, him mentioning her did the same to me. 

I won’t lie and say I haven’t thought about the mysterious, cocky woman. How could I not after what happened in that room. It has been mostly derogatory thoughts but occasionally I think about how good the kiss was and then guilt seeps into my bones.

“Right.” I said, treading lightly. 

“You could come over to my place if you want.” I offered. “Casey and I will be binge watching TV for the rest of the day and there is plenty of room on the couch for you.” 

Noah watched me for a moment, contemplating my offer.

“I don’t want to intrude on your routine.” He shook his head and leaned back onto his car with his arms folded. The muscles in his forearm flexed in a very distracting way.

“You won’t be intruding. I invited you.” I shrugged. It would be nice to spend more time with Noah outside of soccer, school and parties.

“Okay.” He agreed with a small smile on his face. “Sounds better than raging at fourteen year olds on the internet.” 

“Well I will probably be raging at Casey. She keeps defiling Derek Shepherd's name.”

Noah laughed loudly at me and I couldn’t help but smile along with him. Talking to Noah is just so easy and I adore being in his company. I really have missed him.

“I’ll go home and shower. Just text me your address and I will meet you there.” He nodded at my Wrangler sitting a few spots away.

“Perfect.” I nodded and started walking towards my Jeep.

Suddenly, I was pulled back by Noah’s hand grabbing mine. I spun back around and looked at the earnest look on his face waiting for him to tell me what he needed.

He stood there for a moment before dropping my hand and clearing his throat.

“I just wanted to say that- I um- You look beautiful Charlie.”

Shock is an understatement to how I feel. It was a bit awkward how he said it but the intent behind it overshadows that. 

Thank God my face was already red from being out in this heat.

“I’m all sweaty and gross,” I said looking down at the ground fighting back all the nerves in my body. I’ve never really known how to take a compliment, at least that's what Casey always tells me.

Noah suddenly stepped forward so that my attention snapped back up to his face which was now inches from mine. Where did all this confidence come from? What happened at that summer camp?

“And you still look beautiful anyway.” He shrugged. He looked very happy with himself at my reaction. My reaction was one of bewilderment of course.

I let the left side of my mouth curl up into a small smile not really knowing where to go from here. On one hand, I have wanted to jump his bones since he showed up here looking all tan and muscly. On the other, I leave in two weeks.

“Thank you Noah.” I finally said. A smug smirk formed on his face and I had to hold my breath for a moment. He was almost the spitting image of his sister Riley with that look on his face.

He responded by nodding his head at me then began walking around his car to the drivers side.

“Don’t forget to send me your address if you still want me to come over.” He smiled before climbing into his car.

I quickly gathered myself and walked over to my Jeep. I got in and cranked it to life, driving home as fast as possible.

I can’t believe that just happened. Noah never was known for being a ladies man. He did date Danielle for somewhere around four months but other than that, I have never known him to be with anyone else. Not that I tracked his every movement though. I was pretty lost in my own relationship with Rick for a few years. But still, this new bold Noah is VERY interesting to say the least.

Previous | Next

[syngigeim]

Day 29 - Blow Up

“Cecetu! Esteemed rival and my cherished companion!” Chotan said, smiling wildly at his fellow Black Mage across the table, who was a stone-faced as ever. He called her out after that latest check in with Cerigg and the mysterious child named Taynor. “I called you here for, seeing those children today...” Seeing Traynor and that other child fight and reconcile. “...It made me think. Are you perhaps, lonely?”

Cecetu gave the most disgusted face he had ever seen. “I. Am. PERFECTLY. Fine.” She said through gritted teeth.

“Now now, when a lady makes a face like that, and says things like in that sort of way, one gets the exact opposite idea,” He said, chuckling.

“What makes you believe I’d tell you anything about me personally?” Cecetu said, rising up out of her seat. Only one question and she was already willing to come to blows. He would have to do something about it.

“Because we’re comrades and rivals! We destroyed a meteor! Stole from and exposed my father’s wrongdoings! Surely at this point, we would be considered friends?”

Cecetu folded her arms and glared at Chotan. “Friendship requires mutual respect. And you don’t care about anyone and anything other than yourself!”

Chotan was shocked. Aggrieved. Hurt! “Now that’s a lie. I care very much about you, my friend!”

“...Do you? You talk about how I’m the greatest rival and your best friend but do you actually care? Haven’t I made it clear that I hate you? Despised you ever since you strode up bragging about how you’re the next greatest Black Mage Eorzea will ever see, clearly not even noticing or caring that I changed? That maybe, I was in a stressful situation in my life, with my mother locked up, accused of being an accessory to regicide! That I wanted to just make myself into something that wasn’t tied into the city that always hated me! And then there was you!” She said pointing in his face. “Flaunting my old job, being the pompous arsehole you always are! You still are! All you’ve been talking about is that ‘Taynor is the key to all of this!’ I may not be the most sensitive of person, but even I can tell. You’re just thinking about the neat mystery that can be solved! And a chance to show off how cool you are! Because that’s all you aim to be! Just the most grandest and best mage ever, not even caring about anything else! Because what else do you have?!”

A business, that I am learning to manage. Loads of money, and lots of people who see me as only a vector to that money. He was quiet for a bit, pondering how to organize those thoughts into something that wouldn’t hopefully anger her further. “I own Sasaki’s Treasures, a store for strange and exotic goods, of imports and exports of strange antiquities. I impressed my father, by sneaking off with one of his own precious relics, a job stone, and returning with skills unparalleled, beating out my siblings for ownership, not by any business sense I might have gained in Ul’dah, or my connections with Rowena, but by mastering a strange and lost art. I understood my father in a way my siblings didn’t. And what did that get me? Ownership of the precious store, and hatred. Hatred that was always there as the bastard-born, but was now blatant.” He wanted to bring up that Cecetu and him were both bastard children. He saw the pale scales along her ear. He was too short for a typical Au Ra. He took a breath instead. “With my connections in Eorzea, I’ve managed to bring new customers and new trade. But everyone wants a piece of me, to take that part for themselves. And so, I stood my ground and firmly planted myself into something different. Something they can’t take. Trader of antiquities and black mage extraordinaire, such an exotic art, now resurrected from beyond!”

“One that is still forbidden,” Cecetu murmured. “It’d be one thing if you managed to pick up Thaumaturgy, but-”

“And yet, I managed to succeed, all through trial and error. On my own. Alone. And when I heard there was another, I was so elated! Someone to share in this gift! A rival that could keep pressing me to greater heights. And what did I find but someone who forsook her art. So it was up to me to become what you couldn’t. And I kept encouraging you, yes? To come back?” He gave a sad chuckle. “Sadly, it was Shattoto, and only her, who managed to bring you in. You had her skills after all. That, and with the heist of my father’s job stones, and revealing his corruption, I thought...even if you were angry all the time, it was just how you were. Because we were still companions.”

Cecetu looked to the side. “You never understood, and never noticed. I don’t know if I will ever like you.”

Chotan felt his heart break. He closed his eyes, preventing the tears that were welling up to break loose. But we have so much in common. He didn’t understand.

“...I’m going to patrol the sands,” Cecetu said, sliding off her chair.

A Mord walked up to Chotan. “Oh boy! Mean lady! Never mind any words, never mind! Surely you need a drink and something to fill your stomach to feel better!”

Chotan got up and out of the table. He didn’t know where he was going to go. Maybe back to trying to learn Norvarandt’s language, maybe to whatever tomes he could find in the Source. But he needed to be alone.

Q’hara gave a low whistle. The table the two were sitting at was not too far from where he and Cerigg and Traynor were lingering around and they weren’t exactly being the most quiet. “Well that was…honestly, felt like something that needed to be long said between the two of them.”

Cerigg nodded. “Much of that flew over my head but they need some time to think.”

Taynor just glanced down at the ground, not saying much. “Not your fault, kid. Her grudge against him has been brewing for a long while,” Q’hara said. He nodded but Q’hara was sure the kid was still taking it personally. Ah well. He would see how they acted together next time and go from there.

Q’hara, for one, was just grateful that Syngigeim did like and respect him as a fellow mage rival and that he had no conflicts with her whatsoever!

[glemmerdash-piecesof8]

buy a packet of pueblo!free book!

Copyright © 2024 Caragh Iles All rights reserved.

Pieces of Eight

by

Caragh Suibhne

In memory of my grandparents and parents, and in celebration of the lovely Eve Carey for the house beats

Contents

        Two-step   5

        Something like telepathy  23

        Househunting  38

        Because every man is an island   48

        I don’t want your revolution if I can’t dance 66

        Half a pint of moonshine for breakfast     79

        Broken bones can mend      90

        I believe in miracles   109

        Never did I see so many faces   118

       A room with many rooms but no chairs   126

       Nature   137

Two-step

There was the clutter of the kitchen and the sounds of people eating and talking as they sat in the restaurant.

‘I have been thinking’

‘Um-hm’

‘I don’t want to freak you out but I really want you to consider it’

Roo felt a sudden surge of blood flow through her body. Please don’t, she thought.

‘I want you to move in with Robert and me.’

Luke wasn’t looking at her anymore, he was playing with his knife. His eyes darted up and Roo relaxed a little. He smiled, a little wobbly. The waiter arrived with the wine and Roo found herself smiling and tasting the wine and then smiling and saying thank you.

The waiter left and there was silence for a while except for the whirlwind around them. Roo found herself smiling wryly and then saying,

 ‘ You had me worried for a second there. I thought you were going to ask the big question and you know I feel weird about that, especially because your bi. But it’s still a big question.’ She paused. ‘What does Robert think about it?’

‘He really likes you. If he wasn’t asexual he would probably have a crush on you. He wants to cook meals together and he knows I am paranoid about the mortgage and the interest rates going up. You wouldn’t have to pay what you pay now. I am quite happy to carry on paying what I am paying but if you can handle the bills that would be great.’

‘Just the bills?’

She laughed.

‘That’s as close to being a kept woman as I could manage.’

She twisted her wine glass and frowned.

’I suppose I could buy us expensive food and you are closer to my school.’

She sipped her wine and then winced.

‘The wine’s not that great. But I never know how to turn down an open bottle.’

Luke smiled and shook his head.

‘ Its fine for the price . You know you can’t expect much here. We’d be better off bringing our own but then you have to remember. But you will think about it? I know you would have to give notice and I would have to use some of the storage in the passage but you don’t have that much stuff.’

His phone buzzed on the table. He ignored it. The ringtone wasn’t from work.

Roo shifted on her chair and then ran her hand through her long strawberry blonde hair.

‘We have only known each other less than 6 months.’ Roo said slowly.

‘Are you worried about the fact that I haven’t met your parents?’

‘No, you know I have never properly told you but I have nothing to say to my parents .’

‘Do you mind me asking why?’

Roo licked her lips and took another sip of wine before putting her elbows on the table, then taking them off until eventually saying with her eyes gazing intently at the flowers on the table.

 ‘They are both very unhappy people. My father is a bit of a nazi. Well let me be honest. He is a nazi. And my mother – well she puts up with him. I left home as soon as I had could, and I havent seen them since. They want me to be like them. Racist and judgemental.  I have nothing to say to them.’

Luke was quiet for a moment. She is only 27 , he thought.

‘ Have you lived with anyone before?’ he said carefully.

Roo bit her lip and shook her head.

‘I have been too busy sorting myself out and then doing school and then getting used  to teaching and well, its a big step.’

‘I didn’t realise. We should probably have talked about ex’s before I asked.’

He paused and took a slug of wine.

‘Think about it and take your time. Its the 15th today so its probably too late in the day to give your notice without forfeiting your deposit. So tell me what you think in 2 weeks time. Its London so you won’t have to worry too much about finding someone to replace you.’

He cupped his glass between his hands.

‘I just want to spend time with you. My hours are all over the place, as you well know, and with all these cuts going on its going to just keep getting more stressful. Robert is great. You can eat dinner with him most nights, and we can all take turns cooking- which always makes food tastier.  I worry a bit about you. You don’t even like your housemates.’

Roo looked at him, with her eyes a bit blurry and smiled weakly before her eyes started staring intently at her glass.

‘’Luke,’ she said slowly,’ I would love to move in with you, but I don’t know. I think you are making me feel so stable so I might change.’

Luke laughed delightedly.

‘Change! I should hope so! That’s what makes us people!’

Roo smiled and then noticed herself laughing and she was amazed at the wonderousness of being in love.’

Luke was in the ambulance driving through heavy sleety rain. He was being very careful as the old lady they had picked up seemed very weak and he hoped she would be rehydrated by the time they reached the hospital. He smiled at how bizarre it was that someone could get dehydrated in the middle of winter and then he frowned. It always made him feel uneasy when they went to find an old person alone. She had stopped drinking water because the abscess on her leg made it impossible to get to the bathroom. She was so afraid of the hospital, Philip had given her a tranquilizer. Luke turned a corner and then turned the emergency light on. The roaring began and he started moving past cars, his mind disengaging from the strange things people do and believe. The radio crackled and he answered, wondering where they would go next. His shift was almost over.

Roo was cooking. She has started making enough so there would be a lunch box for all three of them twice a week at least. The others did it too, especially since she had moved in in last September and it was getting colder.

She was thinking about the dream she had last night. It was more of a waking dream to be honest, but Robert going on about being bored filming the news must have gotten to her. She was thinking of creating a spectacle. Since moving in with Luke,

[calmatejoto]

I’m in a weird but temporary place in my life. I’m at a low, not rock bottom, per se, but a low.

I can either drown and disappear completely or say, fuck it and thrive. I never would have guessed that this is what entering my 30’s would have looked like.

My sis, my best friend since birth, resents me. She’s been thriving in a new way and has entered a new chapter in her life and I know, she hates that I’m still sticking around her because she feels like she’s still having to take care of me. I thought that the two of us, moving in with my cousin, in my mom’s hometown, would of helped bring us close again but it’s really done the opposite.

Besides that, my relatives here, are back on their bullshit. The same bullshit we experienced growing up, where they’d ignore us and not invite us places, despite having had heart-to-hearts back in 2022, when one of our uncle’s passed.

Fast forward to last weekend, my mom came to visit and it was, weirdly, the most therapeutic visit. I’ve never had a conversation like that, where I felt like I was talking with a parental figure and not someone trying to keep up with me and my sister. We both talked and it was like therapy. I didn’t realize how alone I’ve been and no longer having that outlet with my sister, where we can talk with each other about everything, has really been awful. I’ve realized that I’ve been trying to convince myself that, that relationship is still active but it’s not. Finally accepting that, through the release of talking with our mom, has been so liberating.

On top of that, she’s adamant about me moving back home to LA. She was insistent; telling me to just go. That I wouldn’t be able to accomplish what I want to do and need to do, out here in Ventura. That I would thrive and that she knows I would. She even suggested I get a dinky job somewhere back home, to just have money coming in, and that knowing me, I’d only stay a month before I’d force myself to find something better and in my field. I couldn’t help but stare and slowly smile because for the first time since July, I’ve been seen and heard.

Being able to vocalize how miserable I’ve been, was so liberating. It was healing. I haven’t felt this positive about what my future in a minute. Perhaps, since we first moved out and my parents moved out of state, back in the Fall of 2021.

I have a potential job lined up. It’s very promising and quite frankly, exciting. If all things go accordingly, I’ll be able to work back home, stay with my aunt during the week, and return to Ventura on my days off to do whatever I need to do for my work week ahead. To see how quickly this company was to reach out to me, has been very validating. I have a background in working with fashion designers and talent, mainly singers and musicians, and in trying to talk to my sister and relatives about wanting to get back into that line of work, has only fallen onto deaf ears. I’ve just learned to keep quiet bc there’s no point in talking about that with people who aren’t even in that field.

My friends back home have also been very supportive and are also adamant about me moving back. It also doesn’t go past me that I keep making new friends back home, whenever I’m back visiting. It’s crazy how loud the universe is about me going back.

But I’m ready to be selfish again, to put my needs and dreams first.

The last time I felt this way was back in 2014. And the synchronicities with 2014 have been quite potent, it’s crazy. That was a year in my life where I was thriving and doing everything I ever wanted to do. I was freshly single, working with one of my favorite London designers, traveling to NYC, alone, for the first time. Being able to buy everything I wanted and needed, with no worries. It was a very liberating time and I think it’s time for another 2014. This time, in a new way.

It’s humorous to look back at how even during the midst of the pandemic, I was thriving with my small business but something’s got to give because I’m tired of this maudlin career I’ve been stuck in. I’m ready for my time in the sun again. I don’t like having to thrive out of spite because that’s something I’ve had to do my whole life but this time, I actually want to.

I wanna rub it in their faces.

[j-graysonlibrary]

Heartbeats; Paradise Chapter 11

Title: Heartbeats; Paradise

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 112K

Genres: Psychological thriller, drama, sci-fi, LGBT+

Available on: Kobo and my website

Synopsis: Melvin Hardy and Kade Axel appear to be a match made in heaven. After a meet-cute in the rain, the two quickly find themselves in a burgeoning, wholesome relationship.

Yet, things feel…off. It isn’t the ghosts of their pasts that resurface to test the strength of their partnership—no—it’s something nebulous. Something indescribable. Melvin can’t put his finger on it but, the more time he spends with Kade, the more he starts to wonder what’s real and what’s pure fiction. 

Full chapter 11 under the cut:

Chapter Eleven:

I wish I could run into Bree by accident. Her strange behavior from the other night still eats at me but I haven’t been able to see or speak to her since. I’ve sent a text while at work but the reception is so bad in my office that it never goes through and each time I mention her to Kade, he tells me that she’s busy and that’s why she hasn’t been around.

It’s not just her though. I haven’t heard anything about Nate either and I’ve only seen Starla once, very shortly, when picking Kade up from work.

Hugo is still replying only in short form when I’m in the office and everyone continues to act like soulless zombies when I try to interact with them.

Really, the only person I’ve spent any significant time with is Kade. While I can’t complain about that, I do wish we could have some sort of get together or hang out with our friends. As wonderful as a world with just Kade is, I am finding it a little lonely.

I can’t relay this to Kade. Not only do I not want to upset him by insinuating that his company isn’t enough for me, I also can’t—physically. I’ve tried to bring it up a few times but each attempt has ended with us talking about something else entirely.

Or having sex.

We’ve had so much sex I start to worry about chaffing.

My hand clasps Kade’s as we walk side by side in the downtown area. There is a fountain in the middle of some older storefronts and a few other couples walk around, holding hands and chatting happily. I catch a few of their eyes and smile as we pass by.

Kade squeezes my hand and laces our fingers together. He’s humming and his eyes shine with wonder as he looks around at all the different stores.

I wait for him to pick a destination and watch him with a relaxed smile. A pleasant buzz invades my head and nearly matches the tone of my boyfriend’s content humming. I start to sway our hands and, the more dramatic I become with the motion, the more Kade starts to grin.

“What?” he says first as he glances up at me.

“What?” I respond in kind but I can’t keep my smile from growing.

“You’re the one staring at me,” Kade points out and pokes me in the chest.

“I can’t help it,” I decide on the cheesy route and say, “You’re so beautiful I have no other choice.”

His face flushes and he responds with a pout. “Don’t tease me. Not in front of all these people.”

“I’m not teasing.” I’m really not—though it is fun to make him blush. I try to reserve that kind of thought for when we’re alone though. “You really are gorgeous. I always find myself blown away by the fact you chose me.”

“Well, why wouldn’t I?” Kade asks and steps in front of me. Our hands remain interlocked and he grabs my free hand to hold it too. With a slight sway, he continues, “You’re the most handsome, most caring, and most amazing man I’ve ever met. I’m the one that’s lucky to have you.”

I intend to argue but I already know where that leads. To us going back and forth, indefinitely, over who’s really the lucky one between us. And neither of us would ever concede.

“Aren’t you just the sweetest,” I say instead and lean down to kiss him. Amidst the other couples I doubt we stick out too terribly.

When I pull back I’m gifted with that beautiful face and those captivating eyes. I almost go for another kiss but I fear if I do then the date will skip to the end too quickly.

“Where do you wanna go?” I ask and glance around the square.

Kade hums in thought and follows my lead, checking each of the stores. “Nate says there’s a boutique here with some nice clothes. I could use some retail therapy.”

I laugh breathily and then nod. I wouldn’t mind a little Kade fashion show myself and I have the means to buy whatever his heart desires.

We pass the fountain and a couple who are a little too unaware they’re in public with the way they kiss. I pry my eyes away and turn to the shop instead. I hold the door open for my boyfriend and he bows dramatically to thank me for the gesture, laughing all the while.

The clothes in the boutique aren’t my style at all but Kade seems taken by the selection right away. He runs from one mannequin to the next, admiring their outfits and wondering aloud where the pieces are in the store. I help him find some of them and he takes his favorites with the promise of showing me how they look on him. I catch the suggestive wink and a shot of adrenaline races through me.

I doubt we can get away with doing anything in a changing room but the idea is certainly dangerous and more than a little sexy.

But I don’t try to follow him back immediately. I take a seat by the curtain and I cross my legs in anticipation.

Kade takes his time and, when he does walk out, he’s put together an entirely new look with his hair tied up in a bun and everything.

He’s wearing an outfit that wouldn’t look out of place in Nate’s closet and I can see why the man sings the praises of the boutique. But the fit is becoming on Kade and I can’t even decide where to focus my attention. His collar bone is showing with the deep swoop of the neckline and his stomach is peeking out but only when he moves his arms in a certain way. The pants are looser but they hug his hips and I can follow the curves of his body fairly well with my eyes. The boots are cute too and have a heel on them that make him a few inches taller so I wouldn’t have to lean so far down to kiss him.

He turns from side to side, showing off all the details and designs on the shirt in particular. It has clashing patterns and it definitely keeps my eyes busy.

“What do you think?” he asks and lifts a foot up as he giggles.

“Adorable.” I smile and give him a small clap in appreciation. “I don’t know how you’re not a model.”

Kade rolls his eyes. “Oh, stop it,” he says but he’s smiling though.

When he retreats behind the curtain again, I prepare myself for a long wait. I check my phone but there are no messages or notifications. I have no one to text anyway so I put it back in my pocket.

“Melvin…?”

The sudden use of my name by someone other than Kade sends me to my feet. I turn around to see none other than Gladis walking toward me. She’s got a dress thrown over her arm and she looks as surprised to see me as I feel to see her. This boutique isn’t exactly her style so I’m not sure what she’s doing here.

“Gladis.” I gape and fight for what to say so I decide to just speak my mind, “What are you doing here?”

“Shopping,” she responds with irritation clear in her voice. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m on a date.”

“Oh. With your new flame?” She puts her hand on her hip and regards me with what I read as doubt. As if I’m lying or, worse, she doesn’t believe my relationship with Kade is worth anything.

“My boyfriend, yes,” I clarify with my eyes narrowed.

Gladis flicks her eyes over to the changing room and then back to me. “I can’t wait to see what kind of guy you’ve settled down with.”

I’m not sure why she’s acting so antagonistic but I don’t have a moment to digest it since Kade steps out in his new outfit. It’s a charming button up with suspenders and a bowtie. He has his hair back down, falling past his shoulders in a loose but beautiful mess.

“Mel?” Kade notices instantly that something is wrong and he gets a good look at Gladis. “Who is this?”

“I’m the ex,” Gladis introduces herself before I can even open my mouth. “The name’s Gladis Rose, sweetheart.”

I watch Kade’s face tense and he doesn’t smile but he does reply, “I’m Kade Axel. You’re not here to see Mel, are you?”

“Oh no,” she says and waves him off, dismissing the, apparently, ridiculous idea. “I just happened upon him. We’ve been over and done with for a time.”

“You’re older than I expected,” Kade responds and I’m surprised by his bluntness.

Gladis scoffs and shakes her head. “And you’re not as prim and innocent as Melvin let on. With how he spoke of you, I expected a bashful little mouse who couldn’t look me in the eye.”

Kade looks away from her but only to stare at me. “What all did you say about me?”

Again, Gladis doesn’t let me speak. “He bragged to me how pure and vanilla your sex life is. Unlike my dark-sided, kinky self.”

“Melvin!?” Kade yells and I flinch.

“I did not say anything like that,” I try to defend myself. While I might have mentioned to Gladis that Kade and I were above her type of perversion, I never gave details. Though I worry, with emotions so high, he won’t believe me.

“May as well have.” She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. “And, as I recall correctly, you used to like my kind of sex. Sure kept coming back to my house, didn’t you?”

“Shut up!” I yell without being able to hold it back any longer.

“What is she talking about…?” Kade mutters and Gladis smirks as if this is all she came over to do.

Now that her goal is accomplished, she waves with her fingers and tilts her head to the side. “See you next year, Melvin. I’m sure you’ll be single again by then.”

She walks out of the store and I feel my gut twist as Kade stares at me. He’s hurt—he doesn’t have to tell me for me to know it. And I don’t know how to fix it.

“I’ll buy whatever you want…then we can go home,” I say with no enthusiasm.

“I don’t want anything anymore,” Kade murmurs, “I’ll get changed.”

The trip back to the apartment is silent and even my mind has difficulty forming thoughts. I want to prepare something to say—something to combat Gladis’ words but I keep coming up blank. And Kade’s disappointed yet concerned stare does nothing to help.

I keep my head down as I walk into the bedroom,  expecting to be scolded.

“Melvin,” Kade says my name and it’s enough to send me to the edge.

So badly do I want his forgiveness—his understanding—that I fall to my knees and cling to his waist. It keeps me close to him but also keeps me from having to look him in the eye.

“I know that you’re upset,” I try to get ahead of him, “So, if it makes you feel better, maybe you should punish me. Do whatever you want—I can take it.”

Kade’s hands unclasp my grip and he moves his left hand to my face, forcing me to look up at him. He isn’t mad—I don’t think—but his eyes are full of unshed tears.

“You’re like this because of her, aren’t you?” His brows pinch together. “How old were you when you met her? What did she make you do? What terrible things did she make you associate with love?”

I realize, all at once, that Kade isn’t upset with me—he’s upset for me. My heart still pounds like crazy but I don’t feel like I could pass out at any moment anymore.

“I was fifteen when I met Gladis. She was a friend of my mother’s…” I gulp as I retell the story but the memories that come with my words are all blurry and hard to make out.

“I’m so sorry, Melvin,” Kade says and sinks down on his knees to meet me, face to face. He brushes back my hair and cradles my face in his hands while he sheds tears for my sake. “But you never have to worry about doing anything like that again. I’ll never make you beg for my love or punish you for my enjoyment. I’m not that kind of person.”

“I know,” I say though I want to take his line from when I comforted him about Oswald. When he said that it was okay that I did the same things because I’m me. I, too, think that—so long as it’s Kade—I’m okay with being slapped and choked. But I can’t get the words out.

I claim his lips with my own and I taste the love he has for me in the salt of his tears. For him to cry over me is proof that he truly cares and doesn’t blame me, at all, for what happened with Gladis. I may even be absolved of my crimes from the other day—of hiding these things from him.

We don’t take the extra step to get up and move to the bed. Instead, we fall to the floor right beside it. Kade lays over the top of me and deepens our kiss, filling me with a desire that clears my head rather than muddling it further.

I wait for a natural break in the kiss, when both of us take a second to catch our breaths. “Wait, Kade,” I say and run my fingers through his silky, blonde hair.

He presses his lips against mine, teasing a kiss but not quite committing to it. His eyes flutter up to mine. “Yes?”

“Why don’t you top this time?” It’s more direct than I’d usually say but I don’t want him to misconstrue and I don’t want the moment to pass us by.

It’s the best time for it, I feel, as Kade can fully claim me as his. We can be our firsts in this regard as well and have something between us that no one else can take away.

Plus, I really want to.

Kade looks at me for a long moment though it probably just feels long. He takes my glasses from my face and places them up on the bed where they can’t be crushed by accident. He doesn’t appear put out by my request and even keeps a smile firmly in place.

“Whatever you want, Melvin.”

He starts to unbutton my shirt and my chest constricts in both excitement and nervousness. I really don’t know what to expect but I am eager to find out. I trust that Kade will take care of me and I want to be able to be this vulnerable with him.

When we’re nude, Kade straddles my lap and looks down at me with an angelic glow around him. I hold his hand and give him a light squeeze, letting him know, without saying anything, that I’m ready.

Then Kade sits on me.

Even he looks confused.

I thought we were on the same page but, maybe, I didn’t word things clearly enough. He adjusts himself and begins to move against me at a slow, easy pace. His eyes move away from me and I see both his brow and his lips twitch.

“You okay?” I ask though I really want to ask what happened.

Kade nods but still doesn’t look at me. “I’m good…” He holds onto my hand tighter and finally twists his head back so I can see his face. My heart seizes—he looks like he’s about to cry again. But all he says is, “I love you.”

I try to ask what’s the matter.

I try to ask what went wrong.

But when I open my mouth I respond, “I love you more.”

[shenenenigans]

RESULT: Nene dreams of desire.

*this choice will have consequences.

happy birthday! | 020798

Dear friend,

My birthday is not my birthday. I celebrate it anyway, because that means I haven’t succumbed to illness for another year. Sometimes, I start to think that each new passing year is my last. This worries me. It feels like no matter what treatment I get, my condition only gets worse. Are they really trying to fix me? Or are they trying to kill me faster?

The only thing really keeping me going is my friends. And you, of course, but being with my classmates makes me feel so much better. I know it’s hard for me to go out sometimes because I’m so tired, but I do it anyway. I want to. I don’t want to leave everyone with bad memories.

I’m really scared. I think I’m scaring people nowadays, actually. When I walk out of the infirmary with tired eyes and a weary smile, it’s like everywhere I go, everyone is staring at me. It feels like my whole world is collapsing. I’m always cold, always tired, and it’s getting so much harder for me to just get out of bed and walk.

My dearest friend, do you want to know what I wish for?

I wish that I was healthy. I wish that I had the strength to live and breathe for myself. I wish I didn’t have to attach myself to other people in order to be happy. I wish I could say I’m sorry to everyone for worrying them, and I’m actually getting much better, even if I’m not.

I feel really bad. Especially for Eliana. I think she’s concerned for me, but I can’t let her know that everything hurts. I know she doesn’t love me like I love her, but I can’t bring myself to let her go. I can’t let anyone go. I can’t let myself go.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m always wishing, but nothing ever comes true. Do I have to pray? Do I have to pray to a god I don’t even believe in? If The Great ANAKT were a real, kind god, I would’ve been fixed by now. 

I’m a lost cause, aren’t I?

I won’t graduate here. I’ll never last that long. 

When I was a kid, I had a brother. Well, he was only technically my brother. We were never related. I’ve told you before, haven’t I? I remember we never really interacted, mostly because Lycos would always put more time and effort into caring for me because he thought I’d just drop dead at any second. He thought I was fragile.

Khoi was… he was different. There were times that he would sneak into my room, if you could even call it that, and rest his hands along the clear glass that surrounded me on all sides. I was in an enclosure, blocking out the world that makes me sick. 

Sometimes he would play music for me. Others he would talk to me. I think he knew I was lonely. But one time, and only one time, he spoke to me harshly. After that, I never saw him again.

“You know, Nene,” he said to me. “You’re so small and so weak. I don’t know what our father has in store for you, but let me tell you this: You wouldn’t last in the outside world. These segyein are cruel. They’ll beat you, torture you, and maybe they’d even kill you if they got the chance.”

He scared me, I told him he scared me, but he still kept going.

“When weak little kids like you die, your body gets burned into ash. Do you know what I believe? Humans are ashes. That’s where we start. We will always return to ashes. These segyein… where I’m going, they’ll take your body and spread it over all the other kids like snow. They’ll have death on their bodies, on their faces, in their mouths, and they won’t even know. You’ll die, Nene. We all die eventually. Don’t be so stupid and die so quickly.”

He rested his head on the glass next to my own. “You should treasure the life you were given. Live your life for yourself. Every day could be your last, so make sure you don’t regret anything. You don’t deserve to have this wonderful dream ripped from your hands, Nene. I’m sorry.”

He cried that night. I had never seen him cry before. I can’t get his words out my head. I don’t want to become snow. I want to treasure my life, like he said, but I’m not even living for myself anymore. I failed him. I don’t even know where he is now.

I wish everything were different. I need everything to be different. I wish I knew why I was like this, I wish I knew who I really was. Who are my parents? Why did they leave me? What was my name supposed to be? Who was I supposed to be? Is my purpose just to live and die in this hellish place? But I’ve found so much joy and love in this garden. That means this is meant to be paradise. A paradise with enclosed walls, a fake sky, fake trees, and artificial flowers.

I know so much. But at the same time, I know too little. I can’t help but want. I can’t help but need. 

I’m always yearning for things that don’t come to me. Maybe I just have to force it.

Thanks for listening,

Nene

——————

@aakaneeee @4listr @apriciticreveries @bluemoonscape @rockwgooglyeyes @zerostyrant @pwippy @nottoonedin @starry-skiez @paradisedisconcert

[wickeddruig]

Hands to Myself

pairings: dick grayson x fem!reader

summary: you and dick go to a fundraiser dinner and he can’t keep himself.

warnings: angst, teasing

word count: 696

a/n: i didn’t feel like writing smut lol SORRY

you knew what you were doing when you put on that dress. recently your boyfriend, dick grayson hadn’t been paying you too much attention. you knew not to take it personally. you knew that he was just as in love with you as he always have been because he still did small things for you like bring you gifts, tend to your love language and of course tell you how beautiful you are and how much he loves you.

sometimes you just wished he took his stress out on you. it was your favorite kind of sex with him but he rarely ever gave in to it so sometimes you kind of had to.. convince him.

tonight was a convincing kind of night. you were going to a fundraiser hosted by bruce wayne, all of his sons had to be there and that includes dick. you wore the tightest dress you could find, that showed the most skin. you also made sure you didn’t wear any panties.

usually you wouldn’t have even made it out of the house dressed like that. but lucky for you, you two decided to meet at the dinner, he was working late and he knew sometimes you took a lot longer than him.

dick didn’t like to control what you wore, you had a your own style and he loved that but somethings were just off limits and you knew this would be one of those things. it wasn’t too inappropriate to be wearing around dick’s family but it sure as hell was pushing it.

you were talking to the youngest wayne, damien, trying to keep in away from people considering he might try to stab someone if they even look at him. the door opened and dick walked in. you continued your conversation with damien, which really was just you talking and him looking bored. you knew dick eyes where searching the room as soon as he walked in. he immediately spotted you, you didn’t make eye contact yet but his hands were immediately on your waist.

“beautiful” dick said, kissing your ear

“gross” damien said and completely left the conversation.

“babe” you smiled up at him. wrapping your arms around his shoulders pulling him into a hug as thought you haven’t seen him in forever

“you know, you’re going to get it when we get home” he mumbled into your ear before quickly grabbing your ass.

the rest of the night was spent with dick’s hand all over you. around your waist, the small of your back and on your thigh at the dinner table. he also spent the night sneakily trying to pull your dress down without you noticing. so you would purposely do things that made it rise up.

your favorite was when you bent over so that only he could see, that was when he noticed you hadn’t had on any panties that night and after that he was complete feral. he couldn’t keep his hands nor eyes off of you.

the night slowly came to an end. everyone was leaving and giving each other’s their goodbye’s. you said goodbye to all of the wayne family making sure dick said goodbye to his family. you got into his car, someone else would be bringing your car come. he made sure if that.

during the car ride he said nothing, he had his hand placed on your thigh and the radio was playing softly. but he didn’t say a thing, you wondered if she should’ve went more more slutty? you didn’t want to because it was a family event but the entire point was to get a reaction out of him.

you pulled into your driveway and got out of the car. slamming it in annoyance. dick didn’t even look at you, probably too much into thought about work. you unlocked the door while he locked the car and as soon as you got the door opened your back was pushed against the wall. dick had one hand on your thigh and the other hand gripping your cheek, pushing your head against the wall.

“i’m going to devour you” he mumbled before pressing his lips against yours.