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inkblackorchid · 9 months ago

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What the hell happened with Crow: an autopsy (Part 3)

Trying my absolute damnedest to finish this one and part four sooner now that I've finally covered the Pearson backstory. *Ehem* Hello again! I hope you're ready for more yelling about a certain spiky-haired Blackbird aficionado, because I sure am.

To get some things out of the way first, though, here come the usual disclaimers:

This is part three of a series of posts about hpw Crow's character was handled during 5Ds' whole run. You can find part one here and part two here. Reading them technically isn't required, but things sure will make a whole lot more sense if you do. (Bring snacks, they're long.)

This post isn't meant as a Crow hate post, nor is it meant to convince people who didn't vibe with his character to change their mind. This is my very long winded-attempt to analyse the writing decisions surrounding his character as best I can, without too much bias. That said, full disclosure, I do personally like Crow, so there's a good chance that will shine through whether I want it to or not. But also, I'm trying to have fun here, so please cut me some slack.

In case you haven't read my previous Crow posts (no shade there) and/or still believe the many, many production rumours that have been haunting the 5Ds fandom since the show's original run, please let me burst your bubble(s) with some insanely comprehensive research by someone over on Reddit (thanks again to @mbg159, who's also here on tumblr): No, Crow was not meant to be a dark signer, or the final boss of season 1, and his spike in screentime has nothing to do with his cards. And also, No, Aki didn't get less presence in the narrative because her VA got pregnant. What if you don't have the time to read either of those long posts? In that case, please take away this simple, very easy rebuttal of why the above theories are bullshit: Their would-be "key points" don't line up with the 5Ds production timeline. At all. Not even vaguely. So please, ditch them, let them die, seeing them still talked about makes me feel like I'm gonna break out in hives. And for the love of god, don't use this post or in fact anything else I post to pit Aki and Crow against each other. Both characters have their strengths and their reasons to love them. I am not the least bit interested in starting any character discourse. So please, spare my sanity. Ok? Thank you.

And now, we can get to the good part at last. In my previous post in this series, I stopped my analysis at episode 95, a.k.a. part two of the Pearson backstory. In this post, I will thus be picking up right after, at the very start of the WRGP—with the Team Unicorn match. The goal for this post is to analyse Crow's part in this particular arc, then provide some food for thought/ideas on how things that rubbed some people the wrong way could have been improved.

More below the readmore, and I give you not just my usual warning, but an extra warning, too: The universe will not let me write short things, so tread with caution, stay hydrated, and expect a veritable dissertation below, because this post feels long even to me, who has long since lost her sense of length when it comes to text. (But I'm well aware this is the result of me refusing to split the WRGP part into two separate posts, so I take full responsibility for that.)

Since we left off right after I chewed through all the issues with Crow's rather belated backstory and especially Black-Winged Dragon last time, we jump right into the thick of things now, with episodes 96 and 97, which serve as the preamble to Team 5Ds' first WRGP duel against Team Unicorn. Crow only gets two major things to do during this short stretch of episodes, the first being that he's Team Unicorn's gateway into roping Yusei into a duel during practice, which helps them set up a ruse that baits the 5Ds gang into sending Jack as their first wheeler because they think Jack's deck is best suited to countering Andre's—which, as it later turns out, it is not.

(Arguably the screenshot where Crow gives off the strongest Youngest Sibling Vibes during the entire show. Look at him, all chastised.)

Crow's second role is an odd one that I argue only he out of the main three guys could fulfill at this point: He's the one to get injured right before the Team Unicorn match, rendering him unable to compete, which leads to Aki offering to take his place for that particular match.

(Pictured: Bird Boy regretting all his life choices up until that point simultaneously.)

Here's the first moment I have to talk about in greater detail. See, the thing is, I don't know what the fandom consensus on Crow getting injured here is, but I argue that this moment was a (rare) strategic decision made by the writers at this point. Crow's injury accomplished several things: 1. It sets up the mystery of why his back wheel locked up out of nowhere, which is later paid off through Team Catastrophe's shenanigans. 2. It organically allows Aki to take his spot without introducing any argument about which of them is "worthier" of having that third spot. 3. Through this, it also allows him to actually bounce off Aki for once (a point I will come back to below, during the Team Catastrophe section). And 4. It allows the show to (TECHNICALLY) pay off the setup they did in letting Aki get her turbo duelling license and train with the boys. (Generally, Crow's and Aki's character writing intersects a bit during the pre-Diablo incident WRGP section, something I'll touch on below.)

Moreover, I think this is also the only match where they could have done something like this, and the reason for it is very simple: Team Unicorn are one-off opponents whose presence in the narrative is only relevant as far as it concerns the WRGP, and they are also one of the first teams the 5Ds gang faces. If we think about the opponents Team 5Ds has after this, it becomes very obvious why Crow could only be injured during this duel: If they had tried pulling this stunt later, it would have forced the writers to pull Aki centre stage during a much more plot-relevant duel than this one (which they were apparently allergic to, but let's not go there), not to speak of the fact that it would have forced them to sideline someone they were definitely trying to sell as the third portion of their protagonist trifecta, which would have probably been awkward. (If not for the fact that they literally did this to Crow later in the show, but I'll get there. Yes, I know there's a lot already that I'll still be "getting to".)

The thing is, whether or not it feels like an awkward writing choice to make so early in the big tournament of this arc (you be the judge of that), Crow's injury finally allows him to have a few interesting character moments for once. For one, there is his immediate disappointment about being forced to stay on the sidelines. Aside from the fact that this is a human and relatable reaction to his injury, it stings even more for the character than it does for us as the audience, because Crow got a moment where the Satellite orphans he previously took care of cheer him on for the tournament literally within the same two Team Unicorn preamble episodes.

(Say what you will, this is just stupid cute.)

So when Aki eventually offers to take his place during the match, he's understandably apprehensive—and again, this is human. It may seem mean in the moment, but from a character writing standpoint, it's a natural response. Plus, it's certainly more interesting to watch the group have a bit of conflict among themselves, rather than everyone immediately jumping straight to acceptance. It introduces tension, and, for however brief a moment, raises the question of whether Crow might refuse to let Aki take his spot. This is also the point where Aki and Crow's character writing officially intertwines, at least for the stretch of episodes between the Team Unicorn duel and the Team Catastrophe duel. And you know what? Say what you will, but I think it does a world of good for both of them. The 5Ds cast, as lovely as it is, doesn't get a lot of room to bounce off one another where it concerns personal matters anymore, once the WRGP starts. Arguably, they get little time to bounce off one another outside of plot-related discussions at all once this portion of the show comes around. The characters are treated as "fully developed", and thus, the writing largely doesn't take the time to show us how the group naturally interacts with one another anymore, especially not with how many side characters (chiefly Bruno and Sherry), antagonists, and duels the show now has to juggle. So Aki and Crow getting even a smidgen of personal conflict here is honestly a breath of fresh air. The interaction kicked off by Crow's injury isn't completely plot-irrelevant, like most character interactions during the pre-WRGP were, but it's not something that feels like it's only there to explain the machinations of the antagonists to the audience, either.

Let me go through this in a little more detail to illustrate my point.

So, episode 97. Crow storms off after Aki offers to take his spot, while Aki heads out to prepare her runner, intent on helping her team. The personal motivations here are already very nice and reflective of these characters as we've gotten to know them up until this point: Crow's angry and disappointed (mostly at himself, which is noteworthy!) because he can't compete. And specifically, he's angry because not being able to compete in the first match means he can't show the kids his duelling like he wanted to. Then there's Aki, whose offer to take Crow's place is every bit as much of a strategic suggestion as it is a bid for acceptance from her. Acceptance, which is the thing she's been all about ever since she was introduced, basically. So she pleads with her friends to accept her, see her as an equal, and allow her to duel for the team, which they do. And Crow initially throws a fit, but then...

(Listen. You have no idea how much Crow and Aki getting to actually be friends means to me.)

He comes around to the idea and not only gives Aki his express permission to take his spot, he even coaches her a bit right before the match. Moreover, as his text states above, he literally entrusts her with the kids' hopes, as well as his own. This quickly brings both of them full circle: Crow, who already has a theme of legacy attached to him, passes the torch to Aki for this match, and in so doing, offers her the acceptance she asked her teammates for. (Frankly, stuff like this makes me wonder why on earth people were so eager to pit these two against each other, when their shared moments are actually some of the best-written during the often rocky WRGP arc.) So, though this injury pulls Crow out of the duel, it, funnily enough, ties him better into the story and to the other characters.

From there, we then dive into the Team Unicorn match proper. And well, being injured as he is, Crow doesn't exactly get a whole lot to do there. However, since we're in the portion where his and Aki's writing overlaps a bit, I do need to go on a quick tangent about what Aki's portion of this duel means for Crow.

(Sigh. Okay, buckle up for a quick and rough detour.)

First, something I need to get out of the way and off my chest: I have made no secret out of the fact that I hate Aki's portion of this duel, save for the moment where she summons Stardust. Hell, this duel segment is pretty much universally hated by anone who has even a smidgen of sympathy for Aki. It's regarded by many as the very moment the writers axed Aki's character, and for good reason: After all the buildup surrounding her getting her turbo duelling license, the supposed "payoff" of it all is that she gets to duel against Andre for a depressing four turns before being defeated immediately, which leads into Yusei's frustrating portion of this duel, which, to my knowledge, isn't regarded any more kindly by fans than Aki's segment. It's a massive let-down, simply put. But the thing is, it's not just a let-down for Aki. After all, the brief character conflict she had with Crow about taking his spot here can and should be regarded as part of the setup for this moment, and as such, it can also be considered to be wasted the second Aki leaves the track after barely making an impact whatsoever.

However, I do need to mention that I have a theory on why this segment was handled the way it was, mostly because I feel like Crow's later interaction with Aki, shortly after she's out of the duel, underlines it (mind that this is just my personal theory, though, after having watched the show perhaps more times than can be considered sane): I think there is a cultural aspect to this duel. See, the word ganbaru, which anime subtitles often like to translate with "do your best" or something along the lines, has a greater significance than the translation implies. Though it's not inaccurate per se, there's more than just the idea of doing your best behind ganbaru, because it's something like an umbrella term not just for doing your best and succeeding, it's also the idea that you have to keep trying, even if you don't succeed. It's related to tenacity, to persistence, even in the face of terrible odds. And make no mistake, I don't mean the Japanese equivalent of "if at first you don't succeed, try again" here. I genuinely do mean "you have to keep trying, even if you fail". There is no guarantee of success here. And for that reason, the idea behind ganbaru is also that it's not simply the success that has value, but the effort made in the attempt to attain it, regardless of the result. (Side note: I tried to scrounge up a resource I could link to that nicely explains this concept, but unfortunately, all the promising articles were paywalled and the ones I learned it from require institutional access to lecture materials.) And this is where I will posit the tentative theory that this is exactly what the 5Ds writers were going for with Aki's segment of the duel—it was very much meant to be the payoff for her turbo duelling license setup and her plea to take Crow's place, but it wasn't so much her success that was meant to be valued, as the effort she (and by extension, Crow) made for and during this duel. And this is where Crow's little pep-talk with Aki after she's out of the duel comes in, because it feels like it supports exactly this interpretation:

(This is essentially the whole sequence. Note how Crow, despite so fervently entrusting Aki with his and his kids' hopes prior, doesn't admonish her for making a bad showing in the slightest.)

I don't think it gets any clearer than it is here. During this sequence, Aki is painfully aware of how poor her performance was against Andre, especially after she was so insistent on duelling at first, and despite having been entrusted with Stardust by Yusei, to boot. Yet, Crow doesn't have a single word of criticism to offer her. Instead, he even tells her she did well and that nobody's perfect. It very much reads as valuing Aki's effort over the result she achieved to me, and thus seems perfectly in line with the idea behind ganbaru.

However, if we assume I'm correct about the intentions behind this writing choice, we come back to why Aki's segment of the duel is so hotly debated and why it may have arguably been a disservice not just to her, but to Crow, too, character-wise. Because the majority of non-Japanese watchers of the show culturally don't have a 1:1 applicable concept like ganbaru, this writing choice was more likely to fall flat for them, because to someone who wasn't raised to understand the idea behind it, Aki's portion of the duel doesn't register as a payoff; it registers as a massive disappointment, because it feels like the writers, who had so much setup already done for her, let her fail on purpose, just to later let Yusei attain his arguably dumbest victory of the entire show. Thus, they also essentially waste the conflict she had with Crow about whether she would be allowed to take his spot in the first place, because with how little she achieved during the duel, she may as well not have gotten on the track. (Figuratively speaking. Please Do Not take this to mean I would prefer a version where Aki hadn't duelled at all. That would be worse. It would be infinitely worse.)

(Also, side note: If this post reaches anyone who's actually Japanese and still remembers this duel, I would genuinely love your input on whether my interpretation is feasible or just wishful thinking. Did you interpret Aki's part of the duel the way I did here? Or did it fall flat for you, too? If what I'm saying here feels like an absolute reach, please tell me. I'm honestly just trying my best to make things make sense here and remembered this concept from some classes I took in Japanese studies at uni.)

With all that in mind, it doesn't come as a surprise that some people were just as frustrated with the way Crow was barred from duelling here as they were with Aki's segment or Yusei's later victory. But it is what it is—the Unicorn duel concludes the way we all know it to, and with that, the show begins setting up the following duel with Team Catastrophe.

The only other, non duel-related, noteworthy thing that happens between the Unicorn and the Catastrophe match is a brief appearance at the Poppo Time by Sherry, who admonishes the signers for celebrating their victory early and warns them about Iliaster. Why do I bring this up? Because it's one of less than five times that Crow is in the same room with Sherry. Remember, Sherry. The girl he later, during the finale, talks out of working for the big bad evil guy because he suddenly seems to have such a deep understanding of her motivations and character that he can accurately deduce what argument will make her understand that working with Z-ONE won't give her what she's looking for. So, does Crow get a meaningful interaction with her during this scene, then? Nope. Not even in the slightest. Crow says exactly one sentence that is aimed at Sherry during her appearance, and that sentence is this:

(What a meaningful conversation!)

And yes, I will come back to Crow and Sherry's dynamic in particular. But we'll save that for the Ark Cradle arc post. For now, just keep it in mind as we move along to the other WRGP duels.

So. Team Catasrophe.

During the duel against this team, which was previously only hinted at ominously, the writing for Crow and Aki overlaps again, and this starts with the writers essentially doing a complete switcheroo of what came before: Instead of Crow getting injured and being unable to compete, it's Aki who crashes, ends up in the hospital, and is thus forced to give up her spot during the duel. (This also goes hand in hand with her suddenly losing her powers, which we are given absolutely zero explanation for, but let's not talk about that clusterfuck here. If you're interested in my opinions about that particular trainwreck, I have a rant for you.) Additionally, it's during this stretch of episodes (103-105, which is a whopping four episodes less than Team Unicorn got) that we find out that not only Aki's crash, but Crow's previous one, too, were both sabotage, caused by the rather unscrupulous Team Catastrophe by way of a special card that can cause real damage even when there is no psychic duellist present. (A card we also find out was given to them by Placido/Primo, but this is irrelevant for both Aki and Crow.) Crow's reaction to this piece of information, particularly once Aki gets injured due to the same thing, is where things get interesting for him again, because he gets pissed, to say the least.

(A moment I imagine firebirdshippers must have been positively delighted about.)

Here, I have to reiterate an earlier point: Think what you will of Team Catastrophe, of Aki's crash, and of the sequence where her powers suddenly don't work, but this moment here, where Crow gets angry on her behalf and swears to duel Team Catastrophe into submission—not because he wants his kids to cheer for him, or because he wants to prove himself, but as revenge for his friend—is one of sadly only a handful of moments the writers use to show the strengthened relationships between the individual members of Team 5Ds after the dark signers arc. It's one of the precious few scenes that actually shows, rather than tells us or lets us search for scraps in the subtext, that the signers, and the members of Team 5Ds as a whole, care for each other outside of revolving around Yusei like planets around the sun. Even if it's laughably small, it's at least a hint that there are individual friendships between the other signers, too, that they all stick around one another for reasons beyond gravitating towards Yusei for one reason or another. And for that alone, I'm grateful that they put this here, even if Team Catastrophe was otherwise so ridiculous and made such a bad showing at their actual match that they could barely be taken seriously as antagonists at all.

Speaking of which. The actual meat of the matter. The Team Catastrophe match. What does Crow do here? Well, he duels! Even though he wasn't supposed to, for injury-related reasons. What both his participation as well as the actual duel accomplish, though, are that they not only showcase previously established character traits of Crow's again, but they also make a (possibly unintended) callback to a previous, major duel Crow took part in: His dark signer duel against Bommer/Greiger. Where and how? Let's see.

Firstly, Crow's participation. The reactions of the other characters to this make it very evident that Team 5Ds did not plan for this, with Yusei and Jack even going as far as to say they "had no choice" but to let Crow duel, because he insisted. This is perfectly in line with the stubbornness we already know from him at this point—a stubbornness that was also a major reason for why he took Bommer on and later continued his duel with said man, despite Yusei showing up and telling him he shouldn't be duelling a dark signer.

Secondly, there's the manoeuvring thing, and here's where I can call attention to a fun tidbit: The WRGP isn't what introduces the concept of manual mode during turbo duels to the audience. It's Crow. During his duel with Bommer. Being crafty and a bit shrewd as he is, Crow, during said duel in the DS arc, purposefully switches to manual mode when he duels Bommer, because he figures that attacks that can deal real damage can probably be evaded if you actually have control over your runner and aren't stuck in autopilot.

(Don't believe me? Here it is. And frankly, it is somewhat hilarious, yet also very fitting that Crow is the only one who thinks to do this during a duel with a dark signer.)

The reason this particular bit is relevant during the Team Catastrophe duel is because Crow essentially repeats this trick here. Of course, it's a bit less impactful now, given that manual mode is standard for WRGP duels, but still: Due to Hook, the Hidden Knight, Crow is forced to pay attention to the track and manually evade the monster's attempts to make his back wheel lock up during the duel, mirroring how he thought to manually evade Bommer's attacks during the DS arc.

Thirdly, there's the revenge angle, and this one is a particularly juicy callback. Remember, Crow's major reason for taking on Team Catastrophe, despite being injured, is that he wants to get revenge for Aki. This directly parallels how his major reason for duelling Bommer during the DS arc was that he wanted revenge for his kids, whom he believed to be dead at that point in time. (It also, interestingly, establishes a bit of a connection to his deck, which boasts a fair amount of revenge effects, but I'll not get into that here, seeing as I've talked about Crow's cards a bit before.)

Keep in mind, despite all the things listed above that this duel accomplishes, it's also by far the shortest WRGP duel. It lasts a whole six turns, total, which is ludicrous compared to the likes of 27-turn Team Unicorn, 26-turn Team Taiyou, or 25-turn Team Ragnarok. And I don't think it's controversial to say that the Catastrophe guys are probably the most forgettable WRGP Team, too. Yet, somehow, despite all its shortcomings in terms of memorable antagonists and plot relevance, this is one of the best duels of the WRGP where Crow's character writing is concerned. Now, I'll be perfectly candid: Coming into this post, I did not expect the Team Catastrophe duel, of all things, to end up being as good at actually showcasing Crow's character and his ties to other characters (who aren't Yusei) as it was, but here we are. And we had better hold on to the good the Team Unicorn - Catastrophe segment did for Crow, because the next thing that's coming up is a harsh break from the WRGP, starting with the sudden appearance of Placido's home-engineered army of killer duel robots. And what does Crow get to do during this part?

Uh. Well.

(Pictured: Bird Boy being demoted to benchwarmer while the city's being ransacked by murder duel robots.)

Nothing. A whole lot of nothing, is what.

During the duel robot invasion, we only ever flash back to Crow to ascertain that he is, in fact, useless during this part of the show, something he shares in common with Ruka, Rua, and Aki here, because all of them get pretty much nothing to do while Yusei finally gets the hang of accel synchro. Granted, Aki gets to save a little girl at the hospital, but in comparison to Yusei's lengthy, plot-heavy duel with Placido, this feels like a consolation prize. And for once, Jack is only marginally better off, too, because sure, he gets to beat up a couple of robots, but that's it, really.

Where Crow is concerned, his plot relevance doesn't actually resume once the Placido duel finishes, though. (And neither does Rua's, Ruka's, or Aki's, while we're at it.) Because wouldn't you know it, the next big thing directly after the duel robot invasion are the Red Nova episodes, where three out of five signers (Crow, Aki, and Ruka, unsurprisingly) are removed from the screen almost in their entirety again while Jack gets his much-needed dragon upgrade so he can keep up with Yusei, in order to uphold his status as a classic, almost-evenly-matched yugioh rival.

Speaking of upgrades and dragons, let's make a quick detour while our protag and rival duo take their express vacation to the Nazca plains. It is, of course, no secret that no signer outside of Yusei and Jack ever got a dragon upgrade within the anime. (No, I'm not forgetting about Life Stream Dragon. But that one, unlike Shooting Star Dragon and Red Nova Dragon, was a.) teased all the way back in the DS arc and b.) didn't have a unique summoning method or some other gimmick that made it an "elevated" synchro. So I'm discounting Life Stream as a "proper" dragon upgrade on purpose.) Is this the point where I start arguing that Crow should have gotten one, then? Well, not quite. Not with the writing the show canonically gave us, at least—after all, with how late Black-Winged Dragon was introduced, it would have been bonkers to upgrade him here already, if even at all. However, I do argue that the way the show hands only Yusei and Jack upgrades seems a bit... off. Now, I know why only those two get upgrades, or at least I think I do. After all, they're the central protag/rival duo, and within the framework of the character archetypes the larger yugioh canon has created for itself, this would have always made them the first, if not the only candidates for dragon upgrades. What feels a bit off to me, though, is that specifically the 5Ds cast feels like it... chafes a bit against those character archetypes, for lack of a better word. The problem is this: The signers, as far as the first two arcs are concerned, are sold to us as equals who all have very powerful ace monsters. Yes, Jack and Yusei are still undoubtedly the best duellists among them, but not on account of having uber-powerful extra special monsters that were acquired through supernatural means that are categorically inaccessible to the other signers. However, with the appearance of Shooting Star and Red Nova, this changes. While Yusei and Jack were previously and would have always been the two guys who had a Special dynamic with a capital "S" on account of their character archetypes, their acquisition of the dragon upgrades—and even more so, the lack of upgrades their fellow signers receive—now decidedly puts them in a different power bracket and skews the balance between previous, supposedly "equal" characters. (Which, unfortunately, is yet another thing that makes everyone else easier to sideline.)

Why do I bring all this up in a post dedicated to Crow? Because this new power imbalance arguably impacts him more than the other signers—because he's Team 5Ds' second wheeler and doesn't miss another WRGP match from here on out. Thus, that power imbalance is felt in the upcoming duels, where Yusei and Jack bust out Shooting Star and Red Nova like it's nothing, while Crow is left manoeuvring with the somewhat underpowered Black-Winged Dragon and whatever else he can come up with. This is also why I claimed that the show did sideline Crow in some aspects further above. Because while some parts of his writing go to great pains to establish him as part of a protagonist trifecta that is now supposed to take centre stage before the other characters, he also permanently lives in Jack and Yusei's shadow, ultimately barred not just from reaching equal status as a signer (due to his late and rocky introduction and dragon acquisition), but also barred from becoming the equal of his foster brothers as a duellist. Frankly, I'm surprised the show didn't make this a plot point, because the first thing my mind jumps to when I think about this is whether Crow felt left behind after his brothers acquired such immensely powerful, special cards. But more on my personal writing ideas later. For now, let's just put a pin in the power-imbalance thing.

So, when is Crow back on screen in any meaningful role, then? (Note that I mean this as literally as possible. As per my discussion about "screentime" and my gripes about it in part two, I gloss over the parts where Crow is on screen, but could be traded for any other signer or even a lamppost without affecting the scene at all.)

Well, the next thing Crow gets to do isn't exactly glorious, but it sure is funny.

(I want you all to remember that he has to wear this costume and play this part in Team 5Ds' absurd plan to capture Yaeger/Lazar because he lost at rock-paper-scissors. This will never not be funny to me.)

Ignoring the hilarious outfit and Crow playing the bait at a fabricated cup ramen promo event meant to lure Yaeger in, bird boy does actually get something that's not just for funsies to do during the two episodes where Team 5Ds is trying to get more information about Iliaster: He gets to have a duel revanche against Yaeger, who, if we remember the DS arc, ditched him the last time they squared off. Much like the Team Catastrophe duel, this one, too, calls back to previous duels Crow has had: For one, it's the obvious conclusion to his unfinished, first duel with Yaeger. And for two, Crow repeats a "trick" (for lack of a better term) here that is also unique to him: losing on purpose, which we remember from his duel with Lyndon.

(Identical-looking clown family jumpscare be upon ye.)

And again, much like getting injured for the Team Unicorn duel, I argue that this story beat here is something that could also only have been accomplished with Crow. Because he's the only one who has previously duelled Yaeger, firstly, because not wanting to make a child cry by beating their dad in a duel makes sense for him as a character due to him being a family-oriented person who loves children, secondly, and because losing on purpose in this scenario is a tactic that would seem out of character from anyone else, thirdly. (We recall, the only times Jack and Yusei, respectively, ever consider/offer to lose on purpose is when the lives of people close to them are on the line, in the shape of Carly/Rally. As for the others, aside from not being present, Aki, Rua, and Ruka are so heavily sidelined at this point that they would have never been an option for this. And if his writing is anything to go by, Bruno is mostly purposefully forbidden from accomplishing Plot Things, especially through duels, while he's Bruno.) But hey, due to the way this episode is set up, losing on purpose works out for Crow, because it convinces Yaeger to stop hiding and actually share his knowledge about Iliaster. This, by the way, is the second scene where Crow gets to be in a room with Sherry for a longer stretch of time. And look, him joking that Sherry might kill Yaeger if he doesn't spill the beans about Iliaster soon is fun and all, but in light of the Ark Cradle duel later, I have to point out that he, again, doesn't get to have so much as a shred of a meaningful conversation with Sherry here. Again. But moving on. The scene with Yaeger at the Poppo Time then leads us first to the small sequence in the arcade where the gang has to win a simulated duel to get Yaeger's encoded intel, then to episode 116—the Moment Express episode, where, due to this being a Yusei, Sherry, and Bruno-focussed episode, Crow gets nothing to do again. (And also doesn't get to interact with Sherry again.)

Congrats! We've survived the WRGP break. This leaves us with three more WRGP duels before shit hits the fan and the Ark Cradle arc commences. And full disclosure, I'll be doing a bit of a quick-fire round of those three duels. Why? Because despite them all having their merits in their own rights (they're the better liked duels of the WRGP for a reason), there honestly isn't that much focus on Crow during them. He duels, yes, and I've seen people point this out over and over again as the supposed smoking gun that shows how Crow had so much more relevance and screentime than Aki and yadda, yadda. We've been there. And it's not that I can't see where this argument is coming from—I'll be the first to tell you that it's a travesty that Aki never got to duel in the WRGP again outside of the Unicorn match. But I want to use the final three matches to dig into how the way these matches—and especially the opponents to go with them—were set up made it nearly impossible for Aki to replace Crow again during any point of the WRGP finals.

First, episode 118. This is the only preamble episode we get for the first two WRGP finals teams, and here, our group is split in two: Yusei, Bruno, and Rua introduce us to Team Taiyou, while Jack, Aki, and Crow introduce us to Team Ragnarok. There isn't much to say here, because the only thing this episode does for Crow is a shallow repeat of what the Team Catastrophe duel did: By putting him in a group with Aki and Jack, and letting them decide among themselves, independently, to check out the exhibition match, it implies that he voluntarily spends time with signers who aren't Yusei. Thumbs up. Gold star. You made an effort (I guess). Then, the real fun starts.

Round one. Team Taiyou.

(Pictured: The sweetest country bumpkins to ever grace this earth. Yes, I'm biased.)

So here's the deal with Team Taiyou, from a narrative standpoint, as best as I can grasp it: They are a callback to Team 5Ds' roots. Specifically, to the boys' Satellite roots. The Taiyou boys come from humble origins, have only one, mostly home-engineered duel runner, and play using old cards that are widely considered shitty, as 5Ds canon tells us. They are essentially the non-signer, countryside version of what Jack, Crow, and Yusei once were, which is why this is the first duel where the duellist constellation on Team 5Ds' end couldn't possibly have been altered. Team Taiyou is there to remind us where our boys started, so it has to be our boys duelling them. This also goes for Crow, even though this duel otherwise doesn't accomplish much for him, character-wise. Instead, it's more of a narrative wink at the audience, as well as providing a breather between otherwise extremely tense, plot-focussed duels. But yeah, Crow's part in this match isn't much to write home about; he doesn't get any verbal interactions that are very meaningful to his character, can't get so much as a scratch in on Zushin, even with Black-Winged Dragon, and is defeated so Yusei can take out the legendary giant.

Round two. Team Ragnarok.

(Behold the pizzazz of at least two contenders for Haircuts With The Most Spikes in the show.)

Though this duel is framed as being even more so aimed towards bolstering Jack's character writing than Crow's, given the inclusion of Dragan's personal history with Jack, Team Ragnarok gets significantly more interesting for Crow again than Team Taiyou did. This is, of course, mainly because of Brave/Broder. Where Team Taiyou were a callback to the 5Ds boys' roots, Team Ragnarok are their narrative foils. Dragan is the duellist who lost his pride to contrast Jack, who's brimming with pride at all times, and Harald/Halldor is essentially the rich, "destiny isn't bullshit, actually" version of Yusei. Meanwhile, unlike the first two, who highlight our 5Ds boys' characteristics by contrasting them, Brave acts as Crow's mirror. Through Team Ragnarok's flashbacks, we see that he gets almost exactly the same, lovable-rogue-type backstory that Crow did during the DS arc, just in a different setting. The only, major difference between them is that while Crow is more down-to-earth, Brave likes to be pretty flashy.

(Keep in mind that he's doing this on a runner. Is there such a thing as courses on how to do acrobatics on your runner? Like there are courses for vaulting on horseback irl? I'm overthinking this again.)

Unsurprisingly, the duel thus ends up addressing the similarities between Crow and Brave, mostly through two things: One, the duel essentially becomes a contest of who can out-trickster who, culminating in the famous, ridiculous-in-the-good-way sequence where Crow activates a trap from his graveyard, to the shock of pretty much everyone present. And two, despite being on opposite sides, the two bond over their concern for the children they took care of and their concern for children in general, which is expressed most clearly in the scene where Crow's kids, in an attempt to hold the poster they made for him higher, very nearly fall over the barricade in the WRGP stands. Despite the hefty length of the full duel, these are pretty much the only things actually related to Crow's character that come up, though. They're good, don't get me wrong, but in a duel that is otherwise this dense with plot, Aesir shenanigans, and Iliaster foreshadowing, it's no surprise that the duel doesn't add that much to Crow's character, outside of giving him someone he can bounce off very well and relate to. Again, though, we are faced with the same situation as with Team Taiyou: Due to the way the members of Team Ragnarok are written, meant to contrast/parallel one male duellist each from Team 5Ds, nobody other than Crow could have taken the third spot here, either. It would have felt awkward from a narrative standpoint (as much as I would have loved to see Aki duel more).

Now, finally. Round three. Team New World.

(Welp. Here come the robots.)

I had to check to make sure I wasn't misremembering this, but due to the way this duel was set up so José/Jakob could bust out Meklord Emperor Granel with a ridiculous amount of attack points, Crow gets a resounding four turns total in this duel. (Gee, I wonder which other character got this treatment during a WRGP duel.) During those four turns, there are only two things he accomplishes: One, leaving behind two combo pieces Yusei later uses, and two, showcasing the shrewd tactics that earned him the label of "trickster" during the Ragnarok duel by bringing out a non-synchro monster that can take advantage of a synchro monster's attack points and effects—Aurora the Northern Lights. And arguably, this is a very smart play, moreover, it's the only time anyone in the show has the bright idea to not use synchro monsters against the known and feared synchro-killer Meklords. Unfortunately, as smart as it is, the narrative doesn't reward Crow for this play—José all but shrugs what could have been a turning point in the duel off, then proceeds to steamroll Crow the next turn, leaving Yusei to score the win, as usual. To get back to the "Crow got so much more screentime than Aki during the WRGP" thing for a second, of all the duels in the WRGP finals, this is arguably the one where Aki could still most easily have taken Crow's spot again, because here, it doesn't matter whether it's him or someone else, as this duel isn't tied to his character in any way. Unfortunately, due to the Granel-steamroller-strategy, this is also the duel where letting Aki take his spot again would have been the biggest shot in the foot, because unless they had changed Team New World's strategy, Aki would have gotten brutally guillotined here, same as Crow—something I can't imagine anyone, not even people who hate Crow, being happy about.

With that, though, we've finally made it through the WRGP. So, what's the bottom line here? Frankly, speaking from my own interpretation, Crow occupies an... odd spot during this tournament, to say the least. Though he does get to duel the majority of the time, few of the duels actually cater to his character in any way. Moreover, he only gets to be the star of the show in a WRGP duel once, during the by far most forgettable match against Team Catastrophe. And mind that I use the term "star of the show" very loosely here, because the problem the WRGP arc as a whole has, in my opinion, is that the rather lame Team Catastrophe duel is the only one in the whole tournament that isn't won by Yusei, which categorically means that any of the other character's big moments are usually undermined by the fact that they ultimately still need him to save the day. Thus, moments like Aki summoning Stardust Dragon and Crow using an anti-synchro-killer strategy that for once actually forgoes synchros are somewhat cheapened by the fact that they're not actually the turning-point moments they're initially painted as, because ultimately, Yusei always has to be the one to save the day. What's worse is that this almost feels like a bit of a non-issue that could have easily been fixed—given that the show tells us that teams can shuffle around their line-up for a match any time. But unfortunately, the writing never interacts with this as a possible strategic element, nor does it ever seem to consider letting Yusei lose, or forcing him to give up his spot for a match. I feel the need to say that I don't put the blame at Yusei's feet here, though: This strongly feels like an oversight by the writers, and perhaps a disproportionate need to have a nigh-infallible protagonist (on the duelling side of things) that their audience would never run the risk of calling "lame". For Crow, though, this chiefly means one thing: In any duel other than the Catastrophe one, it was always clear that even if he partook, he would never finish the match. And yes, this is technically an issue Jack has, too. But this is where the character writing outside of the duels comes into play, too.

Unlike Jack, who actually gets to do something during the Diablo invasion (albeit very little), who gets his very own dragon upgrade and who gets a very personal, pre-duel plot with Dragan, the show's writing doesn't bother giving Crow a lot of plot- or character-relevant things to do, once the WRGP starts. This is also why I was so surprised at how much the Unicorn and Catastrophe duels embrace his interactions with Aki—compared to the later duels in the finals, this portion still makes Crow feel genuinely relevant and interwoven with the other characters. Meanwhile, out of the three final duels, only the Ragnarok one actually tries to establish a connection to his characterisation, through Brave. The Taiyou duel only sets itself up in such a way that Aki partaking instead of him would have been awkward. Meanwhile, the New World duel just has him being treated like a floormat in a sad parallel to Aki during the Unicorn duel, seeing as they both get a nice moment where it looks like they might turn the duel around (Aki summoning Stardust Dragon and Black Rose Dragon onto the field at the same time; Crow summoning Aurora the Northern Lights, which couldn't be absorbed by the Meklords), only to have their hopes dashed as they're mercilessly cleared off the track. Outside of the duels, many scenes sadly give the impression that they may as well not have included Crow, though—he often gets so little to contribute to a moment or even to say at all that substituting him with a cardboard box seems like it would not have impacted the scene in any way. And that's without addressing his non-existent connection to Sherry, which feels extra glaring, given his later interactions with her on the Ark Cradle.

All in all, the WRGP feels like a very mixed bag, where Crow's character writing is concerned. His belated backstory, which I talked about in part two, is front-loaded and asks as many questions as it answers. Then the tournament commences, gives him some actually decent character interplay with Aki for once (at the cost of letting her succeed in the tournament, it seems), only for him to be basically irrelevant during the WRGP pause again. And once the whole thing resumes, it becomes this hot-and-cold thing where some duel aspects seem tailored to him, while others treat him as completely expendable. The end result is an arc where I'm left wondering why exactly the writers felt the need to make it seem like Crow made up one portion of a protagonist trifecta, if they never actually bothered treating him as equal to the other two. (The answer, I believe, lies somewhere between the fumbled setup they did for him during the Fortune Cup and DS arc, and the way yugioh in general treats its character archetypes. But that's just speculation on my part.) The one, saving grace the WRGP (outside of the Pearson backstory) has for Crow is that it at least doesn't introduce any new character- and/or timeline inconsistencies. In fact, his character stays remarkably true to form once the tournament begins.

Okay, onto the final bit, then. As I've done in both previous posts, let me delve into completely subjective territory and offer some ideas on how this arc could have been handled to make it seem a little less all over the place with Crow. And since his writing here canonically intersects with Aki's several times, let me try to do it while offering the best of both worlds to both characters, if I can.

As far as Crow's backstory is concerned, I've already offered my solutions to that in part two. Now, to stay consistent with my own suggestions, I'll try to branch off what I wrote in the last post. This means that, as per my previous two analyses, we're dealing with two scenarios again: One, Crow stays a signer and we try to touch canon as little as possible. Two, Crow isn't a signer and we adjust canon in whatever way we need to to make him feel interesting and necessary despite/because of that.

First, though, let's get two adjustments I personally would have made in both versions out of the way:

The way the WRGP is structured puts every character that isn't Yusei at a massive disadvantage, where character moments in duels are concerned. Thus, I propose an overhaul. Among the changes I think could have benefitted the characters (yes, all of them) are: One - Aki actually getting to accomplish something during the Unicorn duel (she can and should still have her moments with Crow, but maybe let her portion of the duel end in her thanking him for coaching her, creating a more upbeat scene that strengthens their friendship, which could double as good setup for their later double-duel against Sherry). Two - letting the Team Catastrophe duel actually play out properly (as in, they become more meaningful as opponents by having a better strategy, for example, and Crow could stick it out longer against them, in order to make this more so his win than Jack's. Also, why not let Aki actually see him get back at Team Catastrophe for her?). Three - giving Crow an actual character moment during the Taiyou duel (what if one of the country boys had played a card or two of the ones he learned to read from? It could have helped drive the parallel between the two teams home.) Four - letting Crow's anti-Meklord strategy get at least a little payoff, if only for two turns (show us at least proof of concept, damn it!). Yes, the Ragnarok duel is the only one I wouldn't rewrite (unless special circumstances are introduced, see below). Additionally, let Team 5Ds alter their line-up more than once, damn it. Let them actually strategise about the duels, let them take into consideration who should go first when and whose deck might be better suited to which scenario. Also, remove Yusei from at least one duel. Doesn't matter how, just let him not partake once. Perfect setup to let Aki duel again, and would also allow for spicy character interactions. (Arguably the best duels where this could have been done would have been any of the final duels, though it would have also required rewriting the antagonists somewhat in any case.)

For the love of god, give Sherry and Crow some setup. Let them actually interact, let them introduce their philosophies to one another, just do something, anything to make Crow understanding and talking sense into her during the finale seem earned. A few chance meetings, or maybe even a tiny side-plot could have done so much here. And if you can't let them interact outright, at least let Aki and Crow talk about Sherry! Double whammy! The two characters who end up duelling against her are made to seem even more like a team, and Crow actually gets to find out what Sherry's deal is on-screen. Just. Set. it. up. I beg you.

There we go. Now, onto the two branches.

Option A: Crow stays a signer and obtained Black-Winged Dragon.

Seeing as Crow's signer status, funnily enough, isn't all that relevant during the tournament itself (save for two notable exceptions), there aren't that many fixes to be made here. Crow can still get injured, miss out on the Unicorn duel and be the star of the Catastrophe duel. But giving him something to do during the duel robot invasion that isn't standing around and hoping Yusei will fix everything would also be nice. It's fine if he can't drive out there and duel, but why not let him do something else? He's a crafty guy, why not let him find, say, a way to fry the Diablos' runners, taking a few of them out even from a semi-stationary position without duelling them? He could at least get as much of a consolation prize scene as Aki got with her saving that child. Then there's Team Taiyou, which, save for what I proposed above, is a duel that doesn't feel like it needs changes. Crow does his thing here. That's it. The same goes for Team Ragnarok, especially given that they're specifically written to oppose an all-signers Team 5Ds. Finally, there's Team New World, which, if I'm being completely candid, I would personally overhaul to change the cyborgs' strategy entirely in order to actually let all three members of Team 5Ds shine. But this is the version where I touch canon as little as possible, so... Aside from what I wrote above, no changes needed. Just make Crow seem a little more relevant, make his strategy have at least a little payoff, even if Granel's back out and menacing literally two turns later.

Option B: Crow, as per my previous posts, isn't a signer and doesn't have Black-Winged Dragon.

This is the version that would categorically require heavier changes, though they honestly don't arrive until the break in the tournament. Unicorn and Catastrophe stay the same, I would still propose that Crow gets to be a little more useful during the Diablo invasion. But! In this version, seeing as he never acquired BWD, the break in the WRGP would be an excellent spot to let Crow acquire an upgrade for his beefy Blackwing ace monster of choice. Give him a little side-plot, too, something to do, something where he proves himself. Maybe let him run into Iliaster here, or maybe call back to Pearson again and introduce the new Blackwing upgrade as a treasure Pearson stashed away before he died (maybe this could have even been the card Bolger was actually after; the world is our oyster here). Then he's beefed up, too, and actually feels a little more on the same level as Jack and Yusei. The tournament recommences and again, the Taiyou duel could stay mostly the same, I think. Ragnarok and New World are where it gets really interesting, though. The way I see it, Ragnarok could go two ways with Crow not being a signer: Either he partakes as he did in canon and his non-signer status is called out as a peculiarity by our Swedish boys who happen to be obsessed with fate (which would make his performance against Brave seem all the more impressive), or, due to this being a duel all about destiny and celestial pissing contests, Crow's spot is given to Aki again for this duel due to her signer status (this would, obviously, require rewriting Brave, perhaps even switching him out for a Ragnarok lady instead). As for Team New World, this duel would honestly be a lot more juicy with a non-signer Crow, because much like he was for the dark signers, a non-signer Crow would essentially be an unknown in their plan for the cyborgs. He would be the guy who's Not Supposed To Be Here. Granted, he would still be beaten, but he could still get an excellent moment where his out-of-left-field anti-Meklord strategy genuinely seems to turn the tables for a bit, angering José and providing even stronger setup for Yusei to win later.

Aaaaand that's that. Somehow, I get the feeling the WRGP had the least things that needed fixing because it also had the least actual character writing. But that might just be me. It's late and I have been writing for A While. But hey, I got out part three faster than part two! I consider that an achievement.

Now, while I get my talking points in order for part four, I hope you'll have fun chewing on this one. See you in the grand finale to my Bird Boy dissertation.

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thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai · 29 days ago

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I'll start off by saying that your YOI meta posts are really wonderful and are the reason I began following you. They are super detailed, and I'm consistently impressed by your conclusions. It's obvious you put a lot of thought into them, and I've learned a ton from you.

At the same time, I wanted to mention something I've recently observed in light of the poll you made around why your followers are following you. I know I haven't done anything to prove that what I'm saying is worth considering, so if your reaction to this is "well, what the hell do they know?!", no hard feelings whatsoever.

In a few of your more recent posts, I've seen you share a frustration that academic canon-compliant analysis is nonexistent in the fandom. Or, that interest in it seems to be low, which is very valid. However, the way it comes across in tone is a bit off-putting, and might be getting in the way of your goals when you say you'd like to achieve stronger engagement/a sense of community.

In your effort to articulate to your followers that canon is your prime directive, it can sometimes read like you think that anything that doesn't adhere to that standard (i.e. anything short of an exhaustive canon analysis or a product of comprehensive analysis) doesn't have a place in the Yuri!!! on Ice fandom. If the majority of your followers don't regard canon in the same way (i.e. as their highest priority), it could be that they might feel judged when seeing you use terms like "vibes" or "speculation" for what you perceive as popular content.

Which leads me to highlight an important distinction.

A lot of people, myself included, believe canon compliant simply means "the things contained in this analysis or fic do not directly contradict canon". Not, "the things contained in this analysis or fic are directly supported by evidence from canon or logically extend from canon or other source material (like interviews with the creators and that sort of thing)."

...two very different things, and perhaps your desire for people to more clearly articulate which definition they ascribe to is one part of the solution. I strongly suspect that when other fans posit or believe their headcanons/metas/fics to be canon-compliant, the vast majority are using the former definition (especially since there is a lot that canon YOI never addresses and for which drawing any one “most logical” conclusion is impossible with the lack of subtext or backstory).

Even though I consider myself to be more invested than just a casual YOI fan, I definitely have not waded through the most salient interviews with the creators or even read a ton of metas to form my particular headcanons. But more importantly, I don't think that should be the bar to engage or have my thoughts considered worthy contributions. All this is to say, if there is someone else out there that enjoys looking deeply into canon but they are wondering if their version of "academic" investigation holds muster when compared to yours, they may feel reluctant to reach out and engage with you, for fear of "doing things wrong" in your eyes.

It's obviously fine to have high standards, but I also think that fandom can be escapism...meaning, that if people feel that someone is being overly didactic it can be intimidating, because no one wants to feel/be told that they are "doing" fandom wrong. Especially when this is a passion project for many.

And lastly, to that point, I'm not saying you're "doing" it wrong either...I'm just offering the point that your engagement may suffer if, regardless of intent, your followers have come to believe that you think that being part of fandom needs to meet a standard of rigor to count as a real contribution. Just something to think about...of course it's your blog so, ultimately, you should write whatever the hell you want and strike whatever tone you'd like!

Hi anon, thanks for your message!

The "prime directive" is a term from the Star Trek fandom. It's a guiding principle that prohibits the members of Starfleet from interfering with the development of foreign civilisation. I've found it to be a quite accurate description of what I do in my writing: only write what is directly supported by evidence or, where that's impossible, a logical extension of the source material. I've coined this term for my own analysis and writing, not to tell other fans how to engange with the source material or to tell them that they're doing fandom wrong or have no place in this fandom. To be honest, I find the thought that it comes across like that disturbing.

So, I would like to know, dear anon, what exactly gave you that impression? And what exactly gave you the impression that this is the level I want people to engage with my posts at?

Apparently, fandom is escapism and make-believe for a lot of people, which is something I don't get because I'm the type who just LOVES to analyse the things they obsess over deeply. I, personally, am not satisfied otherwise. Again, before anyone reading this twists my words to turn me into a villain: I'm not telling people how to be fans or on what level to engage with the thing they're a fan of. It just something that I like to do.

However, by saying I'm not intersted in engaging in certain kind of posts, I'm not detailing out any rules for interacting with my posts. It just means that I don't want to interact with any kind of analysis that misses important core elements that are crucial for the analysis to be coherent and sound. It would put me into an awkward situation because don't want to tell the op that their conclusions are wrong, and I don't want to feign agreement, either. Again, I'm not telling people how to be fans.

So why am I so frustrated then? The popularity of these posts makes me wonder why I keep putting so much effort into my analyses since almost no one cares about them. On an emotional level, it conveys a strong sense of being not wanted in this fandom and that if I stop posting, it wouldn't be a loss, because I'm just too different from the rest.

I agree that there should be different terms for "this thing doesn't directly contradict canon" and "this thing is directly supported by evidence from canon / logically extend from canon" because it DOES make a difference (I often use the term "canon-compatible", but it's not that different from the term "canon-compliant", I have yet to find something more fitting, for my metas I now uses "analysis"). For my writing and my canon analyses, I operate on the level of the latter whenever I can. Otherwise, I would feel as if I was being sloppy, and I can't have sloppiness in my reasoning. I've worked in academics for a couple of years and together with my love for literary analysis, it had a huge impact on how I approach any piece of media because it resonates with my inner nerd. But that also makes it impossible for me to not spot the errors in someone else's reasoning. I've decided that it's healthier for me to give such takes a wide berth.

Anyway, thank you for your honest words. I understand much better now why I've never felt welcome in the YOI fandom, although I still don't have any clue how to change that.

#anon asks

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woneuntonzz · 10 months ago

Text

what's it like to love ? 𓇢𓆸

anton lee x afab!reader (part 3/5)

• part 1

• part 2

• part 4

• part 5

warnings: cussing!

genre: fluff -`♡´- highschool love

word count: 3k words!!

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ description: student athlete!anton x studious class officer!reader | you swore to yourself, to you friends and even to your parents “I'm not one to easily fall.” and you thought you were that tough, not until him of course. [note!!: hiii i'd just like to quickly say that this is my first ever post ever and i'm still a bit insecure with my writing, and english is not my first language so bare with me now 🙏 open for any forms of feedback please do take note that i will take longer to update/respond to anything because of school, thank you!!! ]

[Days 2 - 4]

Friday and Saturday flew over you like a breeze. You've convinced yourself time and time again during those two lengthy days of him not being around was not gonna be a problem for you at all. You were definitely happy to see him, you wanted to see him, but you didn't need to.

Though you yourself thought you were doing a great job of making it seem like his absence didn't bother you at all, Xen, Sohee, and your other friends could see right through your thin, glass barriers.

“You're gonna see him again by the end of the week anyways, so what's the big deal?” it was lunch time, you sat with your girlfriends —including Xen— and it was Minjeong who had spewed an attempt to lighten up your mood.

“Yeah I guess so. I feel so crazy right now, you have no clue.” your voice was low, almost like a mimicry of his voice.

“Uh, yeah, we see and hear crazy very clearly.” your friends laughed at Xen's banter whilst you remained seated there with a downturned smile being slightly pushed around by your guffawing friends.

You couldn't help but just laugh at the other-worldly noises coming from your friends. Yeah, it's not a big deal. I'm fine, I'm happy with my friends beside me. —you thought to yourself as you looked at your friends with so much warmth in your heart.

“But in all seriousness, I kinda get you too, you know. When my crush is not around I go nutsy-koo-koo all of a sudden, but then I see you guys and I'm like, I don't need him.” Liz had her arms crossed, a cheeky expression melding onto her face towards the end of her sentence.

“Wait, you basically just said that Y/n has a crush on Anton now too.” Everyone gasped at Danielle's words.

They playfully touched you around, one of them twirling your hair in her fingers and the other wrapping an arm around your shoulder and lightly squeezing you

“Do I?” Is all you could reply as you stared into the left-over food on your tray.

“Girl, just eat, we'll finish discussing this later —you need your nutrients!”

Anton did stay true to his words. He messaged you that Friday night, and by Saturday, he was messaging you during his breaks too.

If your past self from two days ago saw these messages now, she would've put herself into rehab. The thought that you seemed to be falling more and more each day too quickly crossed your mind, but it was merely a fly buzzing around in your brain. Needless to say, you were truly just going with the flow.

————— ୨୧ —————

You would soon find yourself in a group vc with Xen and Sohee who were both in their own homes, waiting for Anton to message you again. All three of you had workloads to finish, your school was quite the fiesty one making sure to leave their students with a week's worth of schoolwork and studies before going on to say “enjoy your weekends.” and watching as the students dragged their tired and anxious asses out of that school.

“Anton has had a crush on you for a long time now. Are you even still just a crush to him?” Sohee was in the process of writing a hand-written essay when he spoke, still concentrating on making his handwriting comprehensible at the very least.

“Well, he did say he likes me. Isn't that an entirely different thing?” you reply, also busy paraphrasing and typing down information for an infographics project.

“You said he mentioned that you're his 'long-time crush', right?” Xen was just smiling at the two of you once she lifted her head up from what she was doing.

“Well it's all just words. The word 'crush' is used for everything nowadays, right?” Sohee was quick to turn his attention to his girlfriend, interested in what she has to say. “Some guys would say, 'Oh, I have a crush on this girl.' but could barely care about the girl —but what I'm trying to say is, the word crush doesn't really lay flat at a certain degree, whether it be just infatuation or true love.”

You found yourself nodding hearing the reassurance from your friend.

“Mhmm~ that's true. I have a crush on Xen and I am madly in love with her.” Xen laughed at Sohee's remark, making you smile at the sight of the two, just being in love.

Xen has always been a sort of anti-male, with the exception of her boyfriend and other men she trusts within her circle of friends and family. You ended up developing the same feelings after a lot of boy troubles throughout middle school to your freshman year. One of your most cherished memories was when you got played by a boy who swore to you that you were his everything, saying "I love you." from the very first day and continuing to talk to other girls throughout the entire time he was trying to get under your pants. Of course he was unsuccessful, and so he broke up with you, called you useless even. Xen comforted you and begged the classmate who sat next to you to switch seats with her for a while so she could be right next to you the entire time.

“You know, men can be very disgusting. Never think about that fucking asshole again, okay? He's not worth even a second of your thoughts. There are a lot of good people in this world, and they will always find their way to each other, like perfectly fitting puzzle pieces. You're a wonderful person Y/n, and someone just as kind and truthful as you will come finding their way to you.”

These were Xen's words that stuck to you like a virtue. You learned to be patient and to just enjoy life as it is, trying to improve yourself day by day. You were young after all, so if Anton turned out to be insincere, it's not the end of the world.

“Oh wait, Anton just messaged me.” Xen and Sohee snapped their heads at you.

“Oh, so should we invite him in or—”

“No, no, just keep doing what you're doing. I'll go now, thanks for everything guys, I love you both so much!” you were quick to interrupt Sohee, but the tempo of your speaking was a lot quicker, enough for the couple to pick up on what was going on.

“Yeah, okay, enjoy your talk with Ant!” you heard Xen coo at you before you left the call.

You fixed your stuff, putting it all away neatly and tidying up your study table before jumping onto your bed and resting your back on your bed's headboard with your legs stretched out.

You had a weak smile on. Anton had long days of training, while still having to catch up with the school workload for the sake of maintaining decent grades. He was definitely more tired than you were, and you felt like it should be the other way around, that you should be the one to soothe him.

Well of course you were completely unaware of it, but being able to talk to you was enough to bring his mind to peace. He needed nothing more but to be able to converse with you about anything and everything.

Your laughter turned into you biting onto your bottom lip, your cheekbones flying up as you suppress a squeal. You gave yourself a mental slap in the face and figured you're getting way too ahead of yourself. You listen to Arctic Monkeys quite often, so you figured you could use them as an excuse to hide your agitated state.

You gulped, lips pursed as you waited for his response. You anxiously watched the typing status, waiting for it to disappear and for Anton's message to pop up.

Your smile dropped a bit, but you understood. You've established respect for each other's boundaries, and you didn't want to break something so precious like that.

The conversation went on for quite a while, and once it ended, the two of you went on to stare at your ceilings, glee and excitement rushing over your bodies —glee from the the things you two talked about and the inside jokes made along the way, and excitement knowing that you'll both be seeing each other the next day again, finally.

————— ୨୧ —————

You were in the car with Xen, Sohee, and Xen's mom; Mrs. Park. Your eyes wandered everywhere on the streets as the car moved.

“Did Xen tell you that she and Anton were in the same orchestra in middle school?” your eyelids moved further apart when you heard what Mrs. Park just said.

“Orchestra? Anton was in an orchestra?” Mrs. Park giggled at your confusion.

“Yes, he's quite the cellist.” Mrs. Park held a grin, eyeing you from the rear-view mirror.

“Wow. I didn't know that. I never would've guessed. I thought he's just always been a swimmer.” you uttered in awe, gradually becoming quieter as you progressed with your words.

“Well I wouldn't be surprised. Anton isn't very out-going. He doesn't approach people much, but people approach him.” The endearing tone in Mrs. Park's voice was enough to indicate that she's quite fond of Anton. “Do you like him?”

Your posture stiffened from hearing Xen's mom ask you the very question you've been asking yourself for the past few days.

You spent months trying to build even the slightest bit of connection with this boy, and within those months you yearned for a reason as to why he avoided you like you were the biggest threat to his life. At some point, you started wondering, were you yearning for the truth or were you yearning for him? The answer was vague for you at that time, but now, you are so close to coming to terms with what you truly feel.

“I —well, I don't really know yet.” you released an unusual amount of breath as you spoke and you saw Mrs. Park reading through it like a book.

“Anton confessed to her, mom, and I'd say they're doing pretty great.” Xen excitedly clapped like a seal turning to her left to face her mom.

“Oh, is that so?” you nodded your head slowly, feeling a bit shy. “Are you two talking now?”

Your conversations for the past few days started to fill your mind. You felt the blood rising up to your cheeks as you went over every emotion you felt while talking to Anton. You told Xen's mom every detail about how much bolder Anton got when messaging you contrary to him struggling to hold eye contact with you without blushing.

“I believe I know both of you well enough to assess this situation.” followed by a long and soft hum, Mrs. Park searched for the words to express her thoughts about your situation. “You two are gonna be very happy. Of course, life has its ups and downs, I know both of you know that very well already, I just wish for the two of you to never forget that the downs are temporary, and it's where we grow stronger, where we learn.”

You adored the way Xen and her mom conveyed their feelings, how even if you've heard the same words, the same advice over and over again, they never failed to console you.

————— ୨୧ —————

With your arms linked with Xen's, you started walking to the main entrance of the stadium, Mrs. Park and Sohee followed closely behind. Your eyes followed the people going in and out of the stadium, and as promised, you messaged Anton when you got to your seats.

Anton's face lit up the moment he saw your message on his notifications. He looked over towards a specific row of seats he had told Xen and Sohee to take you to, and so he found you right away.

You tried to look for him around the stadium, head turning from left to right every minute or so, but you just couldn't spot him. There were too many athletes with a similar stature and physique.

The corners of Anton's lips rose to a bashful smile as he watched your head move at an irregular rhythm trying to look for him.

“Who are you smiling at?” One of Anton's teammates nudged at him.

“Oh it's nothing, I just saw my friends.” Thankfully his teammate did not care enough to question him further.

The competition would start soon enough and you would find yourself, mouth hung open watching the swimmers with astonishment. You've watched snippets of the Olympics back then, some you would only stumble upon on Tiktok, it never failed to amaze you with just how fast their pace could go.

Now you are seeing a match in real time, fists balled up from unadulterated joy. You're thankful that Anton wanted you to be here, and you couldn't wait for his turn.

Sohee and Xen bickered, picking out swimmers who they thought would place 1st in each category, their picks always opposing each other. You and Mrs. Park on the other hand, just watched and clapped at every heat.

You were looking around at the stadium taking in the spaciousness and the surrounding lights when Mrs. Park placed a hand on yours. “Anton will be out soon.” she whispers into your ear.

You kept the same smile you've been wearing since the match started, but your spirits were lifted to seemingly dramatic levels. Your eyes focused on each athlete in every heat, and when you finally saw Anton, he looked right at you. It was a bit too far you to see, but he had such an adoring smile on his face as he saw the stadium lights reflected by your eyes giving him a sweet gaze from afar.

It happened twice, thrice, for the fourth time, and for the last time in Anton's last heat. There was no doubt that he did incredible for this particular match, your presence causing his heightened vigor.

The match had ended, the stadium was filled with immense praise for the athletes, awards were granted, and you clapped with so much force and volume every time Anton's name was called.

Anton saw it all. He wasn't aiming for a silver or a gold —which he both got— ,what he truly wanted was for you to see him at his best. You could say he intended to impress you, but this was all really just an excuse to see you again.

You, Xen and Sohee stood near the car, waiting for Xen's mom who had gone to the restroom. When she came back though, Anton followed right behind her, carrying his bag. You welcomed him with a warm smile to which he instantly folded, hanging his head low in order to hide the warmth spreading across his cheeks.

“Anton's joining us for dinner!” Mrs. Park exclaimed, causing you to subconsciously clasp your hands together.

Anton's eyes dilated a bit with how adorable you were, everyone saw it and felt the tension between you two.

Anton sat in between you and Sohee at the back, and conversations just kept going on and on. But at one point during the car ride to dinner, while everyone else laughed and talked about some matter, you and Anton were having your own little talk.

“You're really amazing, you know.” your voice was low, but your tone was very mellow, it nearly melted the guy seated next to you.

He leaned in a bit, this time not minding the flushed state of his composure. “I couldn't have done it without you.” he replied in the same manner.

You turned your head a bit to look at him. You two were a lot closer than what the both of you thought, but not an ounce of care was given. He looked down into your eyes, staring at the shine reflecting on his own eyes.

“That's quite cliché of you.” the two of you shared a soft laugh, eyes still locked on one another.

“I know, but it's true.” his eyes hesitantly traveled down to your lips.

If it weren't for the car stopping, you two wouldn't even realize the closing proximity between you two and would have still been basking in the little space with each other's ambiance.

Dinner was a delight. You were all at Xen's house eating a meal prepared by Xen's aunt. Anton tailed behind you taking the seat next to yours at the dining table. Everyone congratulated Anton with his great success for that day's competition, while under the table, your hands were so close to engulfing in one another.

“How long have you been together?” This being the first time you and Anton met Xen's aunt, she just couldn't hold in her curiosity when the two of you remained notably close to each other from the moment you stepped in their home.

“Oh, we're not together… yet.” you laughed nervously, murmuring the last part.

Considering the intimate distance, Anton was able to catch your last breath. Though he was still conversing with the adults in the room who had endless questions for him, he had his pinky crossed over yours. You kept your eyes on him, feeling the warmth of his hand close to yours. When he finally looked at you, he got lost in the constellations that formed in your eyes, looking right back at him with awe.

Mrs. Park insisted on driving all three of you back to your own homes, Sohee being the first to depart, then you.

Before leaving though, you gently place your hand on top of Anton's, waving goodbye with your other hand with a smile that alters his sensations.

Your hand drifted from his at a painfully slow pace from which he longed for your touch the second he lost it.

It was indeed a good night.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

#riize #riize au #riize fanfic #anton lee #briize #riize anton #riize fluff #riize x reader #Spotify

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flower-boi16 · 6 months ago

Note

I would like to ask what your opinion is on MDHWrites's blog, or some of his most comprehensive takes criticizing the show at large, for he's covered a lot of ground. What is your regard for his opinions, if you have seen it.

The second I saw this ask pop up in my inbox my thought was "should I even answer this?". On one hand, I would like to express my opinions on Writes' TOH takes since I have er...strong feelings about some of them, but on the other hand part of me still feels a bit iffy about it.

For my 200+ followers who don't know who tf this anon is talking about; MDHWrites is a tumblr user who makes a heavy amount of posts critisizing TOH, he's kind of the most well-known TOH critic on this site, at least in the TOH critical commuinity (and yes, TOH has a critical commuinity).

I remember once randomly stumbling across Writes' blog when I was new to tumblr and first discovered that critical tags were a thing and I started reading some of his posts. I don't remember exactly what all the posts I read said but I do vaguely remember some of the points Writes' made in the posts.

This was at a time where I kinda just accepted critisicm of things I liked rather than actually thinking about the validetly of the takes, and since Writes' posts sounded proffesional enough (and because I went on the toh critical tag and watched videos critisizing the show WAY too much) I think I kinda just forgot why I liked the show in the first place...? I know that sounds weird but I first watched TOH when I was 13 (I'm 14 now) and my analysis skills were still developing at the time.

A couple of months later after I rewatched The Owl House and fell back in love with the show leading me to grow an attatchment to it that was stronger than ever before I thought back to Writes' posts and decided to revist his blog and read a handful of posts out of curiosity to see what his points were. And...I thought going in that there might be some good points about the show but...I can't really say I agree with any of his takes.

While I don't Writes' TOH takes are Lily Orchard levels of infuriatingly media illiterate, and Writes' doesn't look like a bad person...I don't think his TOH takes are that good. They sounded professional at first but everytime I think about them I notice more holes. That's all I'm going to say. I don't want to cover Writes' TOH takes in detail because I know some might alert him of this post, he'll see it and I'll end up starting an argument I don't really want that.

I guess I'll just say that I think his comments about the understood scene in the posts I read feel like he completely missed the point of it. The scene is meant to be a moment of realization for Luz of what she truely wanted, it's not intended to be a "character finish" and just because she realized what ultimately wanted doesn't mean that her self-loathing and guilt of helping Belos is just going to go away.

He even goes as far as to say it doesn't matter to Luz as a character in his post about filler in TOH, where he labled several episodes that are extremely important for outside context as "filler" by the standards of the general commuinity that complains about Amphibia's filler (that post is a whole other can of worms that I don't want to get into) which is just....baffling.

I could also get into things like Writes' takes on Luz's depression arc or his post about Waffles or his post about grom factor (a fan comic by moringmark) but again I don't want to say anymore things here beyond that.

I just don't agree with most of the takes that Writes has on the show. I will say sometimes he makes interesting points like his post about why the boiling isles woulden't work as a setting to a sequel series which does raise some valid points and his analysis of Boscha's "redemption" on my post that he reblogged was fairly interesting (though his reasons for Luz reaching out to the collector not making any sense weren't valid to me) but overall I don't care for his TOH takes.

#the owl house #toh #also no do not use this as a ticket to send some hate asks to MDHWrites

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high-theyre-frendough · 9 days ago

Text

A while ago, I had a tag called household drama and/or vent and some recent comments from @star-weed-rebels reminded me of said drama. I figured that I might as well give a comprehensive summary of events written while sober and not during moments where it could only end up being an incoherent vent.

I originally kept the names of everyone to miscellaneous terms/insults/whatever as a way to protect identities, so I will reuse those older terms that I used to keep things consistent (though idk if I would use the same terms now).

Max - My ex-girlfriend whom I broke up with in I think July of 2023

Bitch - Ex girlfriend of both myself and my current boyfriend (she was with him for 7 years before he met me)

Daddy - My current boyfriend

Dumbass - The now ex-girlfriend of Bitch

Chef - I can't find a lot of posts talking about her but I think that I was originally calling her this? Which is odd because she is honestly really really really really bad at cooking. She was a former "Friends with benefits" with Daddy and myself. Daddy had known her since they were both young teenagers (online) but only met in person in 2021 when she moved in with him cause the house needed a roommate cause rent.

For reference - Most of the drama has died down. These are not super recent events. I've been a lot more stable these days. This is simply a description of past events that I did not explain very well at the time. Unlike most of what I post on this page, I am writing this while sober.

Line break because this is going to be long. Timeline of events might be slightly off but should be in roughly chronological order.

In 2023, I was dating a trans woman who was at the time going by the name of Max. She was extremely abusive. At the time, I felt like I deserved it. For a lot of my life, I have been very depressed/suicidal/etc. I felt like being in a relationship with her was a greater punishment than death that I somehow deserved. She treated me like shit.

For a while, I had been debating whether or not I was polyamorous. This is not something that I was really able to explore while I was in that relationship, as Max was very controlling. She herself would constantly cheat on me or seek out other partners, but would throw a massive fit and scream at me and tell me how awful I was if I so much thought about the idea of finding another partner.

There was a point during 2022 (I can't remember when exactly) when Max was in rehab for a month. During that time, i ended up having someone over at our apartment to hang out with. I found him off of Grindr, because at the time Max and I were trying to find friends or whatever off of dating apps (Neither of us were any good at finding friends in general and turned to those apps).

That guy came over to the apartment for a bit. We hung out and watched anime or whatever. Max constantly accused me of cheating on her with that man. I did not. She was constantly accusing me of cheating on her when she would hook up with anyone and everyone that she felt like it.

The last straw was in early 2023 when she found that exact guy I had hung out with that time, invited him over to the apartment (while I was asleep) and fucked him while I was sleeping. I ended up insisting that at that point that I should be allowed to pursue additional relationships.

There had been points where we had both tried to have 3 way relationships (both romantically and sexually) but the problem is that any time I would start liking the person, Max would end up yelling at me and sabotaging it in some way. I'm not not giving a whole lot of detail on this topic because this ex is pretty irrelevant (though every few months she continues to try to contact me, despite me constantly blocking and ignoring her).

Anyway, I eventually went on an app called Taimi or however you spell it, and I found Bitch. Bitch (at the time) was in a relationship with Daddy but was searching for additional partners on dating apps. I did not realize at the time, but it was honestly kind of similar to my relationship with Max.

Bitch was extremely controlling of Daddy (constantly going through his phone, accusing him of wanting to cheat on her with basically anyone who he so much as made eye contact with, etc). She was dating, fucking, hooking up with, etc with literally whoever she wanted, but if he was polite to the cashier at the grocery store; she would spend the next 4 days screaming and accusing him of trying to cheat on her.

Anyways, I met up with Bitch (who acted like a sane human being for around a month). The lease on the apartment that I shared with Max was almost up, and Bitch was looking for a new roommate for the house that she lived in, cause one of the roommates was moving out. It was a nice place, and everyone living here (yeah, I still live in this house) seemed nice.

I took the gamble on moving in cause it was a far, far nicer place than my old one and everyone seemed nice. In the end, it did work out, but whenever I think about my past self, I am reminded of how goddamn stupid and naive I was. Anyway.

That old apartment needed to be cleaned out before the lease was up. The only people who helped me cleaned it up was Daddy and my mother. At the time, I was still technically dating Bitch and Max (who was the one who actually lived there at that apartment with me).

Now let me describe this apartment to you. It was the third floor. There was no elevator, only the most awful stairs you have ever seen in your life. They were so steep and garbage with a wobbly railing. The apartment was a studio apartment with a large closet, a tiny bathroom, and a tiny kitchen.

There was also a cockroach infestation. Max and I didn't realize until after a month after we had been living there because we didn't use the stove much when we first moved in. There was a massive nest of cockroaches living in the stove. By then, it was too late.

If you don't know anything about German cockroaches, they run away when the lights are on or when there is daylight. There were so many cockroaches that they had nowhere to run. They were all over the walls, the ceiling, the floors, inside everything, everywhere. It was really fucking bad.

Daddy and my mother (My actual mother ugh why did I originally choose to call him that. whatever) helped me pick through everything that was in that nasty apartment for anything I could actually wash/keep. The whole place smelled like weed and cat piss. It was so bad.

Basically everything ended up on the sidewalk. I lived in a capital city, so everything was quickly stolen or picked apart by homeless people. I pity whoever stole any of those flat screen tvs because those were packed full of cockroaches - just like everything else. Furniture, clothes, everything. It was all garbage and nasty and horrible. I am still to this day trying to replace belongings.

It was hot, too. It was so hot and sweaty and nasty with roaches everywhere. Max had a habit of throwing food around the apartment, so there was random rotting food as well. We were on the top floor, right? She had put random raw meat on the roof/awning thing that was under the window but above the other apartment. That shit was so fucking nasty.

She also had a habit of vomiting in buckets or other containers while high, so there was also that to clean up. You don't even want to hear about the kitchen. God it smelled so fucking bad.

Oh also, during cleaning all of that, Bitch was constantly calling Daddy every 10-15 minutes accusing him of cheating on her with me. While he was helping me clean up the apartment. She wanted to stay at home and not help, but spent the whole fucking time accusing him of cheating on her with me because he was being nice and helping me out.

When would we have been fucking? In front of my mother? When we were carrying the roach-infested cat trees down to the sidewalk? In between picking through to find the only salvageable belongings? It was horrible.

My mother at some point (I think in 2021 or 2022) bought me a car. I never drove it, so it was basically Max's car. After we had moved in at the new place at some point, Max crashed the car. I had to go to the hospital to get the shards of glass cleaned off. There was glass everywhere. I actually was recording a video at the exact time the car went off the road ironically enough.

Max did all "repairs" on that vehicle herself. Usually while high. Max has little to no knowledge of car repairs. In the long run, it was all her fault. Guess who was the first person in the hospital room? The first person actually fucking concerned about me? Daddy. Fucking Max and Bitch were more concerned about him being concerned than they were about me. They literally did not even care. I tried to convince myself they did, but they didn't. Bitch was all mad that Daddy let me sit in the front seat of the car on the way home and that he bought me Wendy's. You know... after I had just been in a crash that ended with little bits of glass in my ears, eyes, throat, and lungs.

After that, I started to take Bitch's paranoid advice and start fucking around with Daddy. Soon after, I broke up with Max (who faked an asthma attack while being broken up with). She went to go live with her crackhead cousin and go back to smoking crack herself. I'm not entirely sure where she went after that. I don't care, but she keeps messaging me. Most recent time Max messaged me was about a week or 2 ago. We literally broke up in July of 2023. I cannot even begin to count how many accounts that I have blocked on so many different social media.

About a month after Max and I broke up, she had a false "wellness check" made on me. The police showed up at my house because they had been told by Max (I asked them who told them this bullshit and they said her deadname) that I had called her using an app to disguise both my name and my number while drunk and suicidal. That I was cutting myself and threatening to kill myself. No part of that was true, so the cops left.

Since then, Max has attempted to charge my old debit cards and shit (to no success), emailed my mother asking for money, texted my Daddy on his business number (he breeds and sells axolotls) telling him she hopes he dies, messaged me with varying messages on various social media ranging from "I hope you die" to "I'm so sorry I just no realized I was actually abusive."

Anyways after I broke up with Max, and she left, I pretended to be still dating Bitch for a while when I was actually dating her boyfriend, Daddy. The longer I stayed here, the more Daddy and I got along. Eventually, Dumbass moved in because we needed another roommate (god why is rent so expensive).

Dumbass quickly figured it out. She did not keep quite for super long. Bitch tried to kill me numerous times, which is why Daddy and I installed security cameras in the house. The police were unwilling to believe that a woman could ever be violent, because fuck the police. Bitch and Daddy broke up, but it was a struggle to get Bitch out of the house because the police kept treating her like the victim, despite no one harming her.

The problem was that bitch had the ability to go from "I'm gonna fucking kill you. You stupid Dyke lesbian bitch. You're only pretending to be a faggot. You'll never be a man. Everyone knows that you are nothing but a stupid pathetic little delusional bitch. I'm going to strangle you to death and kill you for stealing my boyfriend from me (etc etc etc)" To "Please help officer, I live my life in fear of this terrifying man who makes me so scared because I'm such a scared little woman in fear of this big scary man who hurts me" and she would point to the hickies that her girlfriend (dumbass) gave her and act like she was being abused.

In early October 2023, I called the police, and they were immediately suspicious of me (of course). I showed them the security video that showed me saying "what's really funny is the idea of you getting a job, considering that you've never worked a day in your life" followed by Bitch screaming "I'm gonna fucking kill you" and then putting her hands on my throat. She is on video pulling my hair, screaming about how badly she wants to kill me, while hitting me and putting her hands on my throat, trying to knock me down onto the floor. I did not fight back or do anything other than tell her to get off of me. Dumbass ended up pulling her off of me, and they went to their room, where Bitch cut herself to make it look like a fair fight.

Bitch was taken to the hospital, and brought back after about 3 hours. I had a miscarriage overnight. In the morning, I woke up bleeding. Chef asked me if I had a miscarriage. I confirmed that I had. She then took it upon herself to start faking a pregnancy. This was both to mock me, and also to try and get the attention of Daddy. She was constantly jealous of us, saying that it was not fair that he spent so much time with me, that it was her right to his attention, etc. Daddy ended up confronting her about it when he realized that she was using those fake pregnancy tests that automatically show up as positive when wet. So her attempt to get his attention backfired on her. Oh well.

The morning after she was brought to the hospital, the police showed up to arrest Bitch. She was brought back after about 3 hours. She was charged with 2nd degree harassment. Because trying to strangle someone to death and causing a miscarriage is considered only "harassment" I guess. They put in place a temporary "refrain from" order of protection (which basically means that if she committed any further crimes against me she would be arrested again).

Dumbass and Bitch ended up moving out of their own free will in early November of 2023. They moved in with Max and Max's crackhead cousin. Bitch is a methhead now or something. They broke up with Bitch stabbed Dumbass (apparently she actually went to jail for that one). Dumbass apologized to me for previously going along with Bitch and lying to the cops about me being violent. Dumbass is also now dating another one of Bitch's exs, which I find really fucking funny. Bitch is still harassing them to this day.

Did I mention that Bitch is the kind of person who plucks the wings off moths and laughs as they writhe on the ground? That she has a son (who was not even with Daddy even though he was born when they were together) that she was only allowed to see for 2 (supervised) hours per week and she wouldn't even bother going to see him half the time. During the time I knew here, the 2 supervised hours was knocked down to 1 hour per week. Probably because she wouldn't bother fucking showing up.

Anyways once Bitch and Dumbass and Max were all out of the picture, it was just me and Daddy. Oops no it wasn't. Cause Chef existed.

In mid November of 2023, I went to a reptile expo with Daddy and Chef to sell axolotls. The longer I was around, the more interested I was in the Axolotl business. I noticed that while Chef was supposed to be helping in the business, she really wasn't. She would alternate between not feeding the axolotls for days, and overfeeding them. They kept dying under her care to the point where Daddy was debating just shutting down the business. She neglected her own animals.

Over the time I lived here, I watched her button quails die off. She wouldn't replace their bedding until everyone told her a dozen times to do so. She didn't feed them regularly or give them fresh water. Any aquatics she had died from lack of being fed or having water changes. I caught an ear infection from her cat and ended up having to get antibiotics to treat her. Her bearded dragon, like everything else was pretty much starving. She like do collect animals, and then not fucking feed them. She could make any of her pets experience what it is like to be suicidal with how awful her care of them was.

At that expo, Chef got mad that I got a ball python, and how it wasn't fair that Daddy didn't buy her a gecko that she wanted. I bought that snake myself but she threw a goddamn fit cause he didn't buy her another lizard to neglect. The day after that, I took over taking care of the axolotls. I still have that notebook that I brought downstairs to track all care of the axolotls. Business is thriving and at this point I'm doing more than she ever did.

I ended up pregnant again (which is why I stopped posting on this account for a while cause I mainly only post on here when I'm smoking weed).

In march of 2024, while Daddy and I were out getting his truck inspected, Chef moved out with the help of her friends. She also falsely reported him of raping her (because she was mad that he wasn't having sex with her anymore. She was obsessed with becoming pregnant. She was constantly begging him to have sex with her all the goddamn time. i think she was hoping he was going to date her after breaking up with bitch, but he ended up with me instead. she would literally ask him to get his sperm tested, and made like weekly appointments at the fertility clinic. she was so mad that he ended up getting a trans man pregnant and ignoring her all the time that she falsely accused him of rape out of jealousy. there is evidence to disprove literally everything in every single page of her statements. the case is still ongoing but literally everything she said can be disprove down to the number of fake miscarriages she claims to have because she can't even keep that lie straight.)

[Just an insert here that I forgot to mention, but Chef would grope me constantly. She didn't stop until she was removed from the Axolotl business. She ended up stealing a bunch of axolotls when she moved out, which I had to replace with my own money. There are times where I was having PTSD attacks and would go to Daddy for comfort, and she would grope my ass. She was constantly trying to force us to enact her sexual fantasies and got mad when we wouldn't.]

I don't want to get too into that whole mess, but trust me when I say that that piece of shit has no idea what it is like to be a victim of rape. Her story changes so much it's like she was scrolling through pornhub to find her favorite fetish rather than describe an event that happened. Most of what she claims he did, I've watched her beg him to do, then get angry when he refused. She was constantly begging him to do these roleplays and shit. She was so fucking jealous of my pregnancy. She fucking moved out with the help of her friends who were never around to see how much she lied about literally everything.

Again, if you even think for a second that he could be guilty, trust me that he's not. We have literal security cameras in the house that disprove her bullshit as story. Her story doesn't even make sense as she describes acts that are not physically possible. She claimed she ordered plan b? She ordered it before she claims she was even assaults. Quite literally no part of her goddamn story makes sense, she just did this cause she was mad he didn't love her.

In her story she claimed that she was his boyfriend. That they were dating each other and that he forced her to date him or something? We have so many texts where she was begging him to fuck her??? She would constantly beg him for sex. I don't know what is wrong with her but yeah she is gone now.

Anyways, I gave birth in July 2024. Everything has been good since then pretty much. There is the ongoing legal issue but trial keeps getting delayed. Daddy's lawyer is not worried about it due to how there quite literally is evidence to disprove every single claim made by Chef. Also how everything she has said contradicts other things she said in her own statements.

I've been happy these days, something that I never thought I could really be. I'm in a relationship with someone who loves and cares about me. Who does everything he can to make sure that I'm happy. Who has never done anything to harm me. We have a beautiful son together, and sometimes life is hard but we get through it together. We've both been through a lot of bullshit, but at this point try and avoid other people and avoid drama.

Every so often we get contacted by our exes who are mad that we are together, but whatever. Block them. Block and ignore them. They don't matter.

We're both just autistic idiots trying to mind our own business. Him and his flight simulator. I've been learning to crochet. Did I mention he custom built a shed for me for my cats? Before we were even dating. Because I couldn't have my cats in the house. Its insulated, heated, etc. They have platforms on the walls. He does everything he can to make me happy. He helps me when I'm having PTSD attacks.

We run the axolotl business together. We spend our time together. I love him. I never thought I could be with someone who actually cared about me, but I finally am.

I can finally be at peace, so long as I am with him.

Oh yeah, he finally openly admits that he's bisexual now and not straight :3

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veeples · 3 months ago

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writer interview

thanks for tagging me @narrativefoiltrope! <3 ik i don't really answer these ask/tag games v much anymore but i appreciate being tagged!

tagging: @lilas @bceky (teehee! i think it'd be fun if you answered on your game dev blog) and whoever wants to answer!

when did you start writing?

I definitely have clear memories of writing stories as early as 5th grade, so when I was like, 9-10 years old on an old Windows computer. And not too long after that, I started writing fanfiction for Inuyasha since I was obsessed as a kid.

I don't know if this counts, but in my professional job, I've been editing and sometimes writing policies for my lab for maybe four years now, but that's more technical writing than creative.

are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I end up reading a lot of what friends recommend to me, but what I read the most are sci-fi, speculative fiction, memoirs, and horror/thriller/mysteries! I'm open to quite a bit tbh and have more fun talking about shared reads than reading itself.

is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

LMAO nah, I haven't published fanfic in 2 years at this point so there's really no reason to compare me to anything at all. Professional I follow a template my co-worker made since I find the break down to be helpful for ease of use. I like authors who are really, really good with economy of language and pack a lot of punch with less words but I can't think of a good example right now.

can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

It's either my phone at 11 pm when I should be sleeping or my dinky lil Target desk! I use two screens at work so I can compare other policies or bring up websites for product information though, so that feels kinda fancy.

what’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

A lot like Erin I get inspired just chatting about OC head canons! Making up scenarios, usually in a jokey way, and wanting to explore it a little bit more in a drabble since I don't really do longform writing at all.

what’s your reason for writing?

For work it's just an extra project for me to have and do when I have free time, and I'm generally OK with it. It looks good on my yearly eval. Otherwise I just write as a hobby! Most of my writing I don't even share with other people </3. It's fun for me to do, I like my lil dolls and smacking them together. Art is harder and harder for me to do these days, so sometimes it's easier to just write a lil something when the need to create hits me.

is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

If I do share my writing w/ friends a good keysmash or emoji reaction makes my day! <3 Or I love when people point out particular lines they really enjoyed.

how do you want to be thought about by your readers?

For my work, I just want the policies to be comprehensible, easy to navigate, and a useful source of information. I write them with the intent that if I were to come into the lab as a new person, I could refer to the technical documents and know how to perform that particular bench work.

Otherwise: my readers are just my friends, if they're having fun than I am too! And if you hated it don't tell me :(

what do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Professionally I think I'm good at really getting down the nitty gritty details of how something is done. I know how I'd want it to read as someone who needs carefully detailed instructions, so I write for myself and I think it comes off as clear.

Creatively, I really don't know! I don't think I'm good at writing. Maybe my greatest strength is that I also don't give a fuck if I'm good or not??? If I'm not confident about it I'm just not sharing it lmao.

how do you feel about your own writing?

It's a creative outlet! I like getting to be indulgent, and I'm not as critical with my writing as I am with my art. :) I can be as experimental or serious as I want! But I also desperately want to delete old TWC fics/microfics that I posted on my main blog because I feel intense cringe at them at this point and don't want them to be seen anymore.

#tag game

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carmenized-onions · 5 months ago

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hi. tried to reblog and leave a bunch of tags but made a mistake and tumblr wouldn't let me edit the post SO i took a screenshot because I WILL NOT REWRITE ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT WAS ALREADY TERRIBLE TO TRY AND GO BACK TO MY NOTES TO INCLUDE THEM INTO THE TAGS BECAUSE THE APP WOULD ERASE EVERYTHING so here you have a long ass pic with a ton of tags. love u u fucking mastermind 💋

I DID IN FACT GET THIS ASK FIRST OF ALL, IF YOU SENT ANOTHER ONE OTHER THAN THE DID YOU GET THAT ONE, then I am missing one, but I got this one!

I'm so glad you think it could standalone and make sense because I went into posting this like "so many people are not gonna be able to keep up with the tense changing and the time skipping, i'm being incoherent" thank you all for proving me wrong. My writing profs taught me to believe everyone does not have reading comprehension. Perhaps we should be giving more credit to readers, me thinks.

Man, I wish Carmen in The Bear canon aligned with CK not particularly because I wish he was better but because watching S3 I was like oh,,,, did I get all that wrong? Because to me, yeah does Carmen run away from things? 1 fucking million percent. At the same time, however, Carmen is an artist and I think like,,,, he's taught, yknow? He takes direction and critique, is always how I took him-- And so like, he just compartmentalizes criticism of his character the same way he would his craft; and he fucking likes making shit better, so he transfers it to life.

I considered massively pivoting from this choice for him to accept that he needs to be better, and instead like, Bojacks it, basically, but like, I'd already done this in CK canon:

Did I emulate my own previous scene to call back to the beginning of their relationship in chapter 13? Yeah 100% I did but back on topic--

I'd already decided that this was how Carmen went about things, and to be fair, I think honestly if everyone had just let each other finish sentences in S3EP01, that entire season I think would've gone an entirely different route, but c'est la vie, that's the tragic comedy of it all.

NOW ONTO MIKEY! I think some have said they prefer this Jimmy negotiation to canon-- And to be fair, though the sobriety aspect may not have been a part of it, Mikey did say he wanted to franchise with Carmen, and that's what the money was for. Or at least that's what Carmen affirms:

god fucking jesus christ he was so much more charming in S2 what the FUCK moving ON

But anyways, I think the 10k/week thing honestly is something Uncle would do, and I guess this is me staking my bet on it. I'd like to believe Mikey was climbing his way out-- Or maybe that's more tragic? I dunno. Regardless, I adore him, so, yknow. he's the guy!

50 PLUS YEARS FOR CARMEN? YOU THINK THIS GUY COULD LIVE TO 80? BABY LOOK UP POPCORN LUNG THIS MAN WAS GETTING ULCERS AT 21 WE'RE LUCKY IF WE GET TO 60

regardless, thank you for enjoying i'm so glad that my interpretation of Mikey was enjoyed. I tried to be as like,,, accurate as possible to what I feel he'd act like out of the small scenes we've seen of him, but I also absolutely had to pull from my own oldest brother. so. i don't have issues idk what all of you are talking about.

also, I will put this in a master post of like, bits I was doing, later, because there's a fucking lot, but this is the last post I'm making before bed and I wanna get yelled at about this in my inbox in the morning nothing makes me happier:

Chapter 1! Tony Terry Tommy!

Chapter 13! Two Steps Back.

I know I'm a bitch, aren't I? I'm sure rereaders noticed this but I wanted the whole class to know.

While I'm at it, Chapter 12! Hit em with it!

YEAH BABY SHE'D BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT THE WHOOOOLLLEEE TIMMEEEEE YEEEEAAAHHHHHHHH I'm fucked up for this one. I had the Cold thing planned since chapter 1 I'm so SICK with it. Yell at me in my inbox I do love to make everyone mad ngl call me Carmen cause I'm a fucking shit starter baby

thank you for your thoughts and thank you for giving me a place to yap for WAY too fucking long GOOD NIGHT OR GOOD MORNING PENDING WHERE YOU ARE!!

#yapping #ask #ashtonweon #season 3 opinions #onion wip #i say wip cause like i'm talking about the process? it makes sense shut up

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systematicallycapricious · 4 months ago

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Here at last, my observations for English P4AU manga volume 4! Same formatting as my prior ones, no holds barred for spoilers, and fair warning that I'm writing this off of notes from 5 months ago; so if I miss some details, I apologize. Hectic life shenanigans have limited my ability to reread the volume. xP

-----------------------------------

General Vibes

On the whole, I found this volume to be the best reading experience out of the 4 Udon-translated volumes. Aside from the persisting issue of conflating Sho and Minazuki via calling both “Minazuki”, as well as a few confusing absences of clarifying quotation marks, the narrative is cohesive and comprehensible.

I also think that it stands really well on its own, so, as I said before, I'd highly recommend Eng-Sho and Minazuki fans pick up Vol 4, even if you've been iffy on the Udon translations up until this point. In all honestly, I think Udon did a better translation of Vol 4 than the fan-translation that's out there on the internet, at least in terms of justice done to the characterizations of Minazuki and Sho. Their dialog, with a couple small exceptions, fit their expected lexicons much better.

(No shade to the fan-translation, of course! I'm still super-grateful that people took time out of their lives to give us some form of accessible translation long before Atlus got on printing an official translation, and the fan-translation is still pretty good with it's own wins.)

Also, Narukami's dialog was translated pretty well too, from what I recall, so fans of his might also find his inclusions in the story enjoyable. As for Adachi and Kagutsuchi... I'm not very well-versed in their characterizations, so I wouldn't be able to say. Adachi's lexicon did seem a bit out of character to me, though; like the underlying vibe is kinda the same as his typical lexicon, but the execution feels more 'censored', I guess? It's just the impression that I got, though.

-----------------------------------

Specific Things

• ...They were so close to getting it right throughout the entire translation, but they stumbled at the finish line. Literally – this was within the final few chapters, and may have even been the final mention of Plumes of Dusk in the story, lol. And it's definitely the same kanji and kana that “Plume of Dusk” is always spelled with, so how or why they suddenly fabricated “darkness” in place of “dusk” is beyond me.

Also, for Eng reading context, what gets translated as “the other me” is “もう１つの人格を” with a gikun of “ミナヅキ” in the Jap text. So whether or not that should have vocally been “the other me” or “Minazuki” is up to you to decide. ~(•_•)~ (And for anyone who wants the full Jap transcription of that text bubble: ”黄昏の羽根”ってヤツから生まれたもう１つの人格を消す手術から眠ったままだったらしい)

• I wish that translators would interpret Minazuki's use of “黙れ(damare)” as “Silence.” rather than “Shut up.” It fits his pre-established (by Ultimax-the-game) lexicon far more, in my opinion.

(Jap version of the page [here], because I forgot to take a picture of it, apparently. :P)

• Kanazuki, my beloved nickname. (Though, because pursuing lore details, I'm not sure if Udon's “the two sides of Minazuki” is an accurate translation in this case? It seems to be more like “the two Minazukis”, like how fan-Eng interpreted it, but I don't know enough Jap to tell. For those who want the transcript: ところで２人の皆月のことみんななんて呼んでる？皆月？ミナヅキ？文面ならまだしも打ち合わせの時彼らは大変混乱を招いてくれやがりましてね......)

• It's nice to have the uncropped version of the original Yu cover art... But I'm a bit sad that we don't get the original Sho/Minazuki back-cover as a poster as well.

• Interesting detail: despite reprinting and reformatting the title logos, they seem to have kept the signature color for each volume the same (Vol.1/yellow, Vol.2/red, Vol.3/pink, Vol.4/blue).

• I've already stated some of my thoughts on Ch.28 and Ch.30 here, but for a few things that I didn't cover...

1) Minazuki specifically thinking “The humans are shouting.” gives us an interesting window into his mindset at the time.

2) The doctors were shouting at him because he was climbing up into an open window more-so than just shouting at him in general, lol.

3) The Ikutsuki death report reads more as if Minazuki was narrating it rather than it just being Sho staring at information on a screen, which I think is a neat interpretation.

4) Sho might've been attempting to finish the 'Minazuki extraction procedure' that Ikutsuki began, rather than just blindly attacking Minazuki? I'm not entirely sure, but it's an interesting angle to consider nonetheless.

5) Ikutsuki spinning Minazuki as an “evil spirit” as another generally useful tidbit to employ in Sho characterizations.

6) “Murder pit”. I'm keeping this for my Minazuki characterizations going forwards, lmao.

• Generally adoring the larger page size, 'cause I can see more details in the art that also help me understand the context better in a lot of scenes. For example! After Tsukiyomi takes the full-power hit from Izanagi, I can see the clear signs of exhaustion and Minazuki pushing his limits in the continuation of the fight. His movements are more desperate, he gets pronounced bags under his eyes, he has a kind of wide-eyed look to him, etc. Which I think is a really nice detail, because it shows that Minazuki isn't invulnerable: his desperation to protect Sho is just that strong.

The dialog at the beginning of that scene also helps to demonstrate that: rather than continuing to think in fluent and complex words, his internal monologue is reduced to simple, fragmented instincts (“Can't falter... Must protect... Must...!"). Which, again, a very interesting window into how Minazuki thinks. Even when put under the physical strain of grievous injuries, his first instincts (in this situation, at least) are to hold his ground in order to protect Sho.

(...Though, the Jap text of the aforementioned dialog is a bit different than Udon's translation, lol. It's more like “If I... don't protect... I—" (俺が......守らなければ...俺が――...))

• I don't have much to say about the fight against Kagutsuchi due to not having the best focus when I read through that part of the manga. Hopefully one day I'll reread it with better success. ^^;

• Suicidal Sho? I'm not entirely sure, though, as the “思ってた” in the Japanese version of the text (死んじまうかと思ってた時...) seems like it could mean either “I believe (that this will happen)” or “I plan (on making this happen)”? I don't know what linguistic contexts lend to what definitions, unfortunately, and the visual context could support it either way. (Not to mention, I have no clue if the sentiment is being expressed in a literal or frivolous capacity, given Sho can be hyperbolic at times. >_>)

...Also, I'm not counting Sho knifing his own face as an intentionally suicidal action, because (to the best of my ability to understand) that was intended to be homicidal. It's just that it would have also had a suicidal effect on him.

• Shadow puppet-Yosuke, Shadow puppet-Narukami, and Yosuke are great, lmao.

• Translations of General Teddie's script.

• Lastly, and maybe bestly: They got!! It right!! They kept Sho's name in Minazuki's “What are you going to do to Sho, Kagutsuchi?” line!! (Context: a previous observations/musings post of mine [here].)

-----------------------------------

(If you wanna see the fan-Eng in higher quality than the screengrabs I used, you can find it on Mangadex [here].)

#Sho Minazuki #Yu Narukami #Labrys #(tagging Labrys for the cover art)#P4AU/P4U2 manga #Persona 4 Arena Ultimax #P4AU #P4U2 #Persona 4 The Ultimax Ultra Suplex Hold #ペルソナ4 ジ・アルティマックスウルトラス―プレックスホールド

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minecraftbookshelf · 8 months ago

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Mistakes Are Made Chapter One Dialogue Breakdown

This was hard to make it turns out. A combination of "how do i format this" and trying to comprehensively summarize the thought processes and decisions going on. I think this works though.

Honestly, this sort of thing would probably work a lot better as like, a live conversation but we work with what we've got XD

I won't be including every bit of dialogue from the chapter but it will be most of them.

Disclaimer that this isn't a "How To" or any kind of "you should do things this way" this is just an explanation of what I put into my writing, and dialogue specifically. Also that I write in limited first person most of the time, so in a way, all the narration can be considered dialogue and as examples of character voice.

This is also only the first part of a long story that is intended to a) be re-readable and b) involve a lot of discovery as the story progresses, so a lot of the decisions I made are based off of things that will come up/be revealed later in the series. I will be talking about those, sometimes with no helpful explanation, sorry XD

I'm using color coding to specify what parts I'm talking about at any given time, so hopefully that helps.

This is going to be a long, wordy post, its entire point is to be an insight into the intentionality and consideration that goes into writing dialogue for me, if this isn't something you're interested in, absolutely pass it by. It will also likely "take some of the magic out of it" for some people. But I like to think that it might also add a bit more magic to it for others. So here we go!

On with the show behind the scenes! [AO3 Link to the Chapter] if you want to follow along there with more context to the selections.

"Hello, Jimmy!" He manages to clamber out of the fountain without tripping and falling flat on his face at least. He splashes Katherine in the process, where she is hovering off to the side but he can't really be bothered to worry about that. All he can manage to do is stare at Sausage's smirking face. "Hello, Jimmy!" Katherine's greeting is much less mocking

Starting off with the very first dialogue of the chapter, which doesn't occur until a few paragraphs in and then proceeds to be the exact same line said by two different characters.

This is one of the times that I am heavily relying on the fact that I am writing fanfiction and these greetings are words that we hear the characters in question (Sausage and Katherine) say multiple times. So I don't go into much detail with dialogue tags, counting on the reader to fill that in themselves. Even if they/you aren't imagining the exact tones I had in mind its a fairly easy extrapolation that these are said in wildly different tones. The emphasis on Sausage's is to imply the more mocking/antagonistic tone, helped along by the mention of his expression, but can also just convey that its louder and more emotive (As Katherine is trying very hard to be OfficialTM in this chapter) Also describing her greeting as "less mocking" helps fill in the appropriate tone for Sausages retroactively.

"What is he doing here?" He jerks his chin at Sausage, who is still giggling like a child. He sees Jimmy looking and grins at him, all teeth. Behind the mask, Jimmy bares his own teeth and takes some comfort in the knowledge that he has more of them; and they are sharper.

This is the first instance of Jimmy's inhuman body language being used as an extension of the dialogue/conversation between the characters. The use of teeth as a threat being a hybrid trait.

Sausage's smile is also part of this, something that isn't actually said in this chapter but will be demonstrated later on is that, as the ruler of a kingdom with a heavy hybrid population, Sausage knows this and his own body language is chosen accordingly.

Sausage keeps giggling and Jimmy can barely hear it beneath the roar in his ears. He leans down to try and whisper into the faerie queen's ear. "I really need your alliance right now, Katherine." He hopes his desperation doesn't show in his voice. She gives him a reproving look that throws him right back to his brief time spent in a classroom. "I'm allied with everyone, Jimmy. You know that."

This is the first example of really incorporating distinct character voices into the dialogue. I'm a liberal user of italics and in this case I'm using them to indicate emphasis where the ccs tend to stress their words to encourage assigning that voice to the dialogue itself. These are also, if not direct quotes from canon, very similar to actual things the ccs and their cubitos have said so it isn't exactly what I would consider heavy lifting.

Jimmy at this point is still fully informal. He's surprised and he's talking privately to a friend.

This is also more natural dialogue from Katherine, whose exasperation with her friend is partly overcoming her attempts to be Formal Faerie Queen.

I'm trying to keep the early dialogue fairly simple and close to canon voices because that way I can transition slowly and naturally into slightly different voices that suit the atmosphere while also preserving their more casual voices as the way that they talk when they are more comfortable and in less official settings. Setting up the contexts for different manners of speech is a big thing in this chapter overall.

"He invaded the Swamp," Jimmy hisses, his ear-fins flaring, ignoring the shudder down his spine from her use of his Name, even in part. "He crossed our borders. Again. He's threatened war." He's no longer whispering by the end, standing to his full height, shoulders back, sword hand by his shoulder. "And according to him, you've threatened it right back!"

Another instance of emphasis on Jimmy's inhuman body language.

This bit is actually more about Katherine than Jimmy. It does show a bit of Jimmy's sensitivity to magic but more than that, it incorporates Katherine's willingness to invoke her own flavor of threats, even in casual conversation with friends.

This is the first real deviation from canon dialogue in the entire chapter. This is the blending point where I'm taking the characters voices and using them myself instead of just channeling the pre-existing ones. The emphasis for this was important to me to try and keep it Jimmy's voice saying the words.

The body language here is a physical representation of Jimmy's shift from more informal speech to a more tense and emotionally and politically fraught situation.It's also the transition of Jimmy taking this from a private conversation to a more public one, now in earshot of both Sausage and Katherine's guards and staff. He's beginning to speak more as The Codfather than Jimmy and his physical stance is the biggest indication of that.

This is Katherine's last "private conversation" line and is, again, indicative of her frustration with her friends and the situation they have put themselves and everyone else in. It's a fairly sharp statement, geared to indicate that she is not really on Jimmy's side here. ("all sides" = "no sides" and a part of Katherine knows that, even if she refuses to admit it out loud, mostly because it is a role she has trapped herself in and can't leave.)

Sausage recovers quickly and shakes out the fur lining of his coat. "Is it just me or does it smell fishy in here, now?" "Sausage," Katherine looks disapprovingly back over her shoulder. "That's rude." "Oh," Sausage blinks at them both, "I'm sorry, Jimmy, I didn't realize."

Jumping ahead a bit we're in the "polite conversation because political masks" phase of dialogue.

Sausage is Not Being Polite. This is his attempt at "polite rudeness" but he's not very subtle in general so its blatant enough for Katherine to call him out on it. It's also a continuation of Sausage speaking more informally in general. He has something of an upper hand in the situation, and an abundance of bravado, and that is reflected in the way he talks. (Sausage just also has a very distinct voice in general that is already leant towards melodrama which works very well for the au's setting as a whole)

His apology is also disingenuous. In retrospect I should have probably used some italics or some other indicator to help convey that. (I might go back and edit something in. I do that sometimes on AO3. Major edits get notes made at the chapter end but minor fixes happen a lot.) He makes the "apology" and that connects Jimmy to his original statement, even if it hadn't been blatantly obvious.

"Oh, this one is new!" Sausage immediately changes the subject, pointing at one of the skulls hanging on the wall of the hall. It's some kind of middling-sized land animal...a sheep maybe? with poppies filling the eye sockets and woven in a crown, there are delicate lines of gold painted across the surface of the bleached bone. Katherine beams, her irritation at the rudeness forgotten (or at least set aside, fae never truly forget breaches of etiquette) "It is! It's a gift from a childhood friend," she looks fondly upon the skull for a moment. "We've been reconnecting lately." Sausage nods sagely, "It is always good to spend time with your friends." "It is," Katherine's ears twitch and her wings flutter briefly before she resumes walking. "Which is why we are going to fix this."

This is a slightly better attempt from Sausage at maintaining political etiquette by complimenting the host. A distraction and a peace offering.

And this is the first mention of Scott in the chapter, in what I am now realizing (it was not intended that way but here we go) is a context that kind of foreshadows his role of peace offering. It also is an establishing line for Katherine and Scott's relationship, as well as a nod to their short-lived plushie business (my beloved) from canon.(And the adaptation of it that exists in the au, which will come up later in Katherine's backstory at the very least.)

Sausage is being ingratiating here. It's a kind of wink wink nudge nudge "we should be friends and you should do what I want" moment.

Katherine knows what he is doing. This is also an incorporation of Katherine's inhuman characteristics, though a bit more subtly, specifically because this is Jimmy's pov and he is neither familiar enough with her mannerisms to break down exactly what they mean the way his own are, or unfamiliar enough with them to register them as odd and worth commenting on.

And then we have the POV switch to Xornoth

The entirety of Xornoth's external, out-loud dialogue is one single line, but the internal dialogue is their narration of the situation at hand. Ft. "helpful" commentary from Exor.

Xornoth's voice is arguably the trickiest part of the entire chapter as it is the part with the least canon basis. Xornoth is a character I am functionally building from scratch, given that the majority of their canon appearances are arguably as much Exor as they are Xornoth. (at least in the context of this AU)

Xornoth's canon voice (on a purely literal level) is "Scott Smajor with a script and a voice changer" and, on the occasions they are on screen together, "someone else with a script and a voice changer", and then the single epilogue bit.

So I'm working with somewhat stilted, formal speech and a tendency for dramatic declarations.

For this first chapter there was actually a bit more effort put into characterizing Exor, as, despite it being in their pov, the majority of the Xornoth characterization is happening in Chapter Two. (which is also mostly from their pov)

Honestly, this is already really long, I'll probably do the dialogue in the second part of the chapter as a part two, but I do want to put a compilation of Exor's commentary down here to talk about.

I opted to make Exor's dialogue bold instead of italics both to distinguish it from Xornoth's own internal dialogue and to emphasize how unavoidable it is for Xornoth. It's not something they can truly ignore, its too loud in their head.

Meaningless frivolity.

Disparaging commentary on the priorities of the other emperors and Jimmy in particular, leaning into one that Xornoth themself is inclined to agree with.

Do not pretend such reluctance. I see the truth.

Denying Xornoth's knowledge of themself in favor of asserting their own.

You are still only a student. And you will be so long as you refuse to take what is rightfully ours.

Exor's goal is and always has been (as long as Xornoth as known them) world domination. This is his most blatant statement of it, coupled with a disparaging comment towards Xornoth's own authority.

Like a fish on a hook.

Dehumanization with a side of violent imagery.

They are going to hurt themselves, trying that hard to utilize what little intelligence they have.

General scorn towards the intelligence and competence of the other emperors.

If we pinned her wings to the wall like a butterfly and made her watch, that would phase her. If we gutted him like a fish he'd squeal so nicely.

Violence. Rather graphic, worded in a way to make Xornoth/The Reader paint a stronger visual image to accompany it. These are the ones that both Exor (in-story) and I (out of story) designed to have a stronger impact. For Exor its about sowing thoughts in Xornoth's mind and having them doubt themself, for me its about really conveying Exor's intentions.

Rip them all to pieces, give the farmer the fight she wants.

This is a half-step back into a more friendly-aligned bit. Pearl is Xornoth's friend. A war would make her happy! Pearl is not Xornoth's biggest weakness, but she is one and Exor takes as much advantage of that as he can.

Wheat fields burn so easily, all it would take is a single spark in the right place and all of Mythland would be in flames. Carefully, carefully, Xornoth sets their book down on the table beside them and places their hands in their lap. Katherine will stop allowing them to borrow her books if they start spontaneously combusting them. Hopefully she doesn't notice the slightly singed cover.

Arson yay!

With the previous comments designed to rile Xornoth up the invocation of fire is a deliberate reference on my part to Xornoth's powers (with the follow up in the next paragraph) and on Exor's part is a provocation towards losing control/making it harder to stay in control of their powers.

Why do you consistently choose to prove your incompetence.

Even gods that crave violence can be disappointed.

this was equal parts chosen to add to the overall comedy of that exact moment and as a final nod to the way that, while he spends a lot of time tearing down other people in Xornoth's head, he also puts a lot of time into tearing down Xornoth themself.

I'm going to leave it there for now, if just because of length. I can come back and make a part two for Xornoth and the other emperors during the second part of the chapter later.

#rain rambles #marriage of state au #writer things #not sure how coherent this is #but here it is #long post is long #rains writing process #mos: bts

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