#neither Crowley nor Aziraphale are English but they are also The Most English

[leupagus]

Gonna be honest, I'm at the "noodling around instead of buckling down to actually write it" so here have another scene of whatever this ends up being

(From my doc which is labeled "sexnanigans lol")

"Why don't we just get it over with?" Crowley asked, a few days later. He was lying in bed, sprawled on his stomach along the top bit of the mattress with Aziraphale using him as a sort of very angular pillow. Every once in a while Aziraphale would rearrange Crowley's limbs into a new configuration to suit himself; at the moment he was contorted into something that most closely resembled a half-melted curly wurly.

"Mm?" said Aziraphale, his familiar I'm not really paying attention to you but I am recording what you're saying for playback in about thirty seconds, at which point I'll decide if anything you've said was worth listening to sort of "mm". He was reading yet another sexual manual; judging by the age of the cover and the deadness of the language contained therein, it was unlikely to be useful. The etchings were fun, though.

"You've been doing all this," he waved vaguely at the book, along with the half-dozen others piled on Aziraphale's nightstand, "For almost a month. Why don't we try something—"

"Get it over with?" Twenty-seven seconds, Crowley thought smugly, but attempted to school his expression into something serious when Aziraphale turned to frown at him. "I don't think this is something we ought to do at all, if you think of it like that. There's a rather good book, in fact, about enthusiastic consent and—" He reached for the nightstand.

Crowley tugged his arm back. "I didn't mean it like that," he said. "I'm all for it. I even invented some of those positions.* I'm just asking," he added, before Aziraphale could start demanding which positions, and with whom, which he was sure to say instead of who because jealousy in Aziraphale always manifested in creakingly correct grammar, "Why all this… research?"

Aziraphale shut his book, which could either go very well or very poorly; either way it meant Crowley was about to get his full attention. But he just sighed and said, "Do you recall the first time I tried food?"

That memory was too precious to deny. "You decimated an entire ox," Crowley said, not even bothering to keep the gloat out of his voice. "Most beautiful thing I'd ever seen."

"I think you really ought to be embarrassed about how much you mean that," Aziraphale said musingly, and right, this is why Crowley should have been wary about the closing of the book. "And then three hundred and eighty-seven years after that I tried wine, and got comprehensibly — what's the word?"

"Shitfaced."

"Blotto, thank you, is the word I was actually looking for. I had a hangover for two months."

"Wasn't that at my urging, too?" Crowley asked, reaching out to curl his fingers in Aziraphale's hair. "You really were rubbish at thwarting my wiles."

"Well, I was a rather rubbish angel, as it turned out," Aziraphale said, shutting his eyes and leaning into Crowley's touch. "Thank God for that. But that's my point, dearest. Whenever I've experienced the delights of Earth, it's often been — well, to use the old-fashioned term, gluttonous affair at first. Or if I'm using modern parlance, more gourmand than gourmet. And for this I want—"

"You think the terms 'gourmand' and 'gourmet' are modern parlance? D'you think the term 'modern parlance' is modern parlance?"

"I want," Aziraphale continued, relentless, "To savour it, this time. Savour you."

Crowley said, "Oh," and couldn't think of anything else to say. 

Aziraphale watched him for a few moments, those clever eyes seeing far too much, then made an absentminded tutting noise and maneuvered Crowley's elbow into a truly preposterous position before he resumed reading. 

Crowley let him.

[vidavalor]

Perfectly Splendid

"Perfectly splendid" is a Mary Poppins allusion from another story that, thematically, is an interesting one for Good Omens to be referencing in The Final 15. That story, plus the ton of other Mary Poppins references in the last two episodes of S2 and how that could help us figure out what's going on, beneath the cut.

The phrase "perfectly splendid" is an allusion to Mary Poppins that comes from Mike Flanagan's The Haunting of Bly Manor. It's a modern-set Gothic horror story that features a nanny arriving to care for two, Jane-and-Michael-Banks-esque kids at an English manor house. Flora, the little girl in the story, is obsessed with her mysterious former nanny. We see quickly in the series that Flora has taken to using her former nanny's catchphrase and so calls everything she likes "perfectly splendid" repeatedly throughout the story, in a way that is both cute and eerie as all fuck, depending on the scene.

The "perfectly splendid" is a take on Mary Poppins' "practically perfect" and the homages to Mary Poppins in The Haunting of Bly Manor are overt, if not quite as much as Scary Poppins is in Good Omens. (It would be hard to top that!) Flora saying "perfectly splendid" is the main quote to come out of the series and a reference in Good Omens to this signature bit of The Haunting of Bly Manor is then also a roundabout reference in Good Omens to Mary Poppins.

The Haunting of Bly Manor is a horror story about possession.

Ya know, that thing that Satan did to Crowley in 1.01...

...and, I would wager, in the bits below of 2.06:

When the character Derek Jacobi is playing first arrives, all five angels fail to identify this being as The Metatron... and all while the only demon in the room-- Crowley-- is very still in the chair and suspiciously (forcibly?) silent until spoken to by the being.

The angels not being familiars of The Devil is, I think, the simplest explanation for why none of them can recognize a face that should be very familiar to them. Upon this person being identified as The Metatron, Michael, Uriel and Saraqael are then so terrified of ticking him off that they fail to recognize that he told them all to go back to Heaven using language from the wrong Julie Andrews movie.

If this is The Metatron below, then why is he saying "spit spot" (and alongside "not another word" as a bonus, as she says that, too)? These are Mary Poppins signature phrases and Mary Poppins is Hell's answer to Heaven and The Sound of Music in Good Omens.

I'm actually pretty sure Crowley & Aziraphale had a hand in writing both, which is why neither Hell nor Heaven seem to actually understand their signature stories but, for now, we know which one is supposed to go with which group and any sign of Mary Poppins is a sign of Hell, ever since the Warlock era... which parallels the last two episodes of S2, with The Meeting Ball disaster as a version of Warlock's birthday party. This time around, the party leads to the influence and not the other way around.

In S1, it's Crowley as Scary Poppins at the door to influence Warlock with Aziraphale there to counter him as the gardener... mirrored in S2 with Aziraphale as the Warlock, Crowley the Gardener as one influencing voice and the other being Satan-appearing-as-The-Metatron arriving at the door in the midst of a Poppinspalooza.

But there's still a lot more Mary Poppins than just the above:

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down...

Most of the Mary Poppins references actually started the prior night with the arrival of the demons, when Crowley paused in the street in mid-conversation as the demons arrived on Whickber Street and spoke aloud about how he felt a change happening a la Bert in the opening scene of Mary Poppins.

Wind's in the East/Mist comin' in

Like something is brewin'/About to begin...

Then, there's Crowley asking Mrs. Sandwich (who is wearing a plume very much like Bert's favorite lady in that opening scene of Mary Poppins) if she "has her hat pin", which is a reference to the suffragette movement, so cast off the shackles of yesterday! shoulder to shoulder into the fray!...

Mary Poppins' "Sister Suffragette" scene is also an example of one of its many scenes in which the humor is built around two characters who aren't at all hearing one another, which is very similar to Aziraphale and Crowley having issues with that to some extent during The Meeting Ball and then being in full-on, Baby-Swap-Plot-level, miscommunication Hell in That Scene in The Final 15. A lot of those Mary Poppins scenes, including "Sister Suffragette", involve action around a door-- like damn near every scene in Good Omens-- as that is symbolic of communication and whose voice is being listened to at any given time.

Or how everyone was then link your elbows/step in time-ing it the fuck out of the shop...

They're at the gate/step in time... It's The Master/step in time...

That was all after things got a bit supercalifragilisticexpialidocious...

So when the cat has got your tongue, Mrs. Sandwich, there's no need to dismay! Just summon up that word and then you've got a lot to say...

Beez's Fly + Hell claiming Mr. Brown of Brown's World of Carpets =

But the best/worst is near the very end:

Though her words are simple and few

Listen, listen/She's calling to you...

Feed the birds/That's what she cries

While overhead/Her birds fill the skies...

So, yeah...

Up/Where the smoke is all billowed and curled, Aziraphale...

...between pavement and stars

is the chimney sweep world...

When there's hardly no day/Nor hardly no night

There's things off in shadow

And off way in white...

We're owed some serious "Let's Go Fly a Kite" come S3. 🦆☂️😊

[myrddinmirror]

My expectations and ideas about the third season of Good Omens

Judging by what Neil wrote, Aziraphale and Crowley really quarreled, and their separation wasn’t some trick (body swapping, collusion, etc). So for the entire first episode they’re going to be acting alone. Angel will try to rule in Heaven (and fail, although not everyone will be against the new boss), and Crowley will keep an eye on the bookstore (and find Aziraphale's diary). Most likely, Hell will also contact Crowley and offer him a job. At the same time, Jesus will arrive on Earth by plane. We’ll see the story of a few people, a sequel to Nina with Maggie and some of the old ones (THEM?), and maybe new characters, but surely somehow we’ll see Adam.

I have little idea of the further plot, but we are promised something loud, epic and massive. Well, Crowley and Azi will, of course, team up, but their main conversation is only gonna be in the last episode. Perhaps at the end of the season, Earth will be separated from Heaven and Hell by some super powerful miracle, so that neither demons nor angels will be able to interfere in the lives of mortals anymore. Aziraphale and Crowley will choose to remain among people forever and live happily in their cottage.

As for the various storylines we’ve been told but not finished, I hope they will all be followed through. We should see:

Crowley's Fall

the episode where Aziracrow made the Agreement

what happened in 1650 (Aziraphale’s apology dance during the English Revolution and six years before Agnes burned down)

something like an angel-demon fight between 1941 and 1967 (they had a friendly dinner in 1941, and in 1967 Crowley gives Aziraphale a very cold greeting in his car)

how Aziraphale met Shadwell

explanation of how the miracle of 25 Lazarus happened

what the Book of Life actually is, where is it located

what was in Gabriel's heavy box

Paradise. We have been shown many times Hell, the work of demons, the arrival of sinners and what happens to them. But we have never been shown what the angels are doing, neither the righteous nor Paradise itself. Does it exist at all?

what happened to the Nazi zombies

Jesus (where was he all the time after the crucifixion?)

Adam (he should protect the world)

conversation between Crowley the demon and the Almighty

a proper declaration of love, a tender kiss and their life in a cottage

I will be glad if you also share your thoughts and hopes here :)

[trebol-negro]

What type of angel was Crowley before he fell?

This is going to be a longer post, but researching this during the past few days has been a fun mental exercise and I wanted to share my conclusions with you.

Before I begin, please remember that English is not my first language and that I just started researching this topic recently. Any corrections are appreciated, as well as other people participating in this post. Don't be afraid to share your ideas!

I'll be using this hierarchy, as it's implied to be the one used in the series

What we know

Aziraphale

Thanks to Furfur's book, we know that Aziraphale is a principality. Both his personality and appearence fit the description of principalities.

Principalities are the ones who protect the different groups of people. Their main trait is their knowledge.

They have a human body with one pair of wings

We also see that when he and Crowley interact during the creation of the stars and Crowley asks him for help, he doesn't question him at any point and won't stop holding the plane (?) with the stars until Crowley tells him to. This plus the fact that he introduces himself while Crowley doesn't makes me think that Crowley is above him in the hierarchy. So we can discard archangel and angel.

Muriel

When Muriel leads Crowley to the folder with Gabriel's information, they mention that only a throne or dominion or above is able to open it. Since Crowley could, we can assume he fits Muriel's conditions.

Archangels vs archangels

Neil commented on his blog that in Good Omens there is a difference between Archangels and archangels. See post here

This would put Archangels above seraphim, but just below the Metatron.

Crowley

We know, thanks to what he tells us during the creation of the stars, that while he wasn't the one who designed them, he "worked very closely with upstairs", meaning that he isn't on the top of the hierarchy. So, we can discard Metatron (obviously) and Archangel.

Possible choirs

Seraph

Seraphim comes from the word saraph, which in Hebrew means "burning". Saraph is also used to describe a "fiery flying serpent".

Appearence:

- Three sets of wings. The first to cover their faces, the second to fly and the third to cover their feet.

Function:

-To sing and hail God's glory.

Neither their appearance nor their function matches Crowley's.

Cherub

Appearence:

- Four faces of different animals. A lion (wild animals), an ox (domestic animals), a human (humanity) and an eagle (birds).

- Straight legs, with the soles of their feet like the hooves of a bull.

-Four wings.

Function:

- To guard God's Throne, His Chariot and the holy places that the Lord indicates. They also were the ones who watched over the Tree of Life.

Neither their function nor their appearance matches Crowley's.

Throne:

Appearence:

- Great wheels with many eyes.

Function:

- They observe the fulfilment of divine justice.

- They announce judgements or resolutions to humanity's problems

- They function as the chariots of God

- Characterized by peace and submission

Neither their function nor their appearance matches Crowley's.

Dominion:

Appearence:

- Human body

- One set of wings

- Often depicted wearing jewelry and white or green tunics.

Function:

- They coordinate and organize the angels belonging to the lower choirs.

- Associated with the step between the spiritual and material world.

- Also associated with healing and medicine

This is where Crowley most likely belongs based on his appearance and his job.

Now that we know where he belongs, let's see how that fits with his character.

Crowley is a dominion

The number of wings he has matches the number of wings a Dominion have

We see Crowley wearing a white tunic when he's an angel

Dominions are associated with healing. The snake is the animal that represents medicine.

Dominions dress with white and green. The opposite is black and red, Crowley's main colors.

While Crowley doesn't wear much jewelry, we can see him putting more care than Aziraphale into following fashion trends, changing outfits frequently instead of using the same one over the years.

Implications

It makes sense that he was asking for Aziraphale, an angel from a lower choir, to help him in the beginning of season 2. His job is to coordinate the lower angels.

He fell because he questioned God. While this was likely seen as a bad thing coming from other angels, given that dominions are the ones who supervise and lead the lower choirs, he could have offended God by implying that God belongs in a category below him.

[charlottemadison42]

Timepiece

A new short story on AO3, 2.3k words, rated G, dedicated to the very dear @musegnome!

----

Crowley got a new watch at least once a year.

He liked them sharp and cutting-edge, bespoke and exclusive and expensive. By the time anyone else heard of the craftsman or the brand, he was ready to cast it off and find something better. From the first decorative clunkers of the early 1500's to the quartz revolution, he was always up to speed on the best of the best. Connoisseurs in Geneva and Tokyo and Dubai kept a lookout on his behalf these days. When they called, doubtless raving about a new mechanism or a new maker, he always picked up.

He didn't think about why he liked watches. If anyone had ever asked Crowley (nobody did) he'd have shrugged. His corvid instinct to collect shiny status markers was reason enough.

(And if every skip of the second hand offered proof of his progress away from the fourteenth century -- one step farther from Golgotha, farther from the flood, farther from the Fall -- that thought was seldom admitted entry to the fortress of his mind. Crowley looked forward, not back.)

Aziraphale had owned a total of four watches in his life thus far.

He liked the kind of timepiece that required winding by hand, with a little key, although he often forgot to. Luckily when he needed to know the exact time, his watch obliged him anyway.

It was conceivable that Aziraphale enjoyed the sensation of suddenly remembering, "Oh! I forgot to wind my pocketwatch!" because he delighted in having some small duty to do, a simple task at which he could not fail, a way he could help the world tick along.

For -- what was a mechanical pocketwatch, if not an elegant dynamic sculpture of the universe as humans experienced it? Aziraphale waxed philosophical about such things in the comfort of his favorite reading chair, while he smoothed the shiny etched surface with his thumb til he knew every groove. He meditated often and fondly about his watch as a Metaphor for Things.

(But the angel never asked where it might be leading him. Aziraphale looked over his shoulder at history with a loving melancholy sigh, watchfully guarding over the sum of human experience. But he did not look ahead. He hated endings.)

+++

Warlock Dowling went through an especially rambunctious phase at age six. He was old enough that his parents' neglect was starting to emerge from the background of his young reality into a Phenomenon that he Noticed. And the more Warlock Noticed it, the more he Did Not Like it, and he took it out on everyone within reach.

Nanny Ashtoreth's attempts to dress him resulted in arching and kicking and flailing fists. Brother Francis's nature walks ended with tantrums in the dirt. Warlock began to enjoy ruining things when he learned that he could: tearing up his own drawings, ripping leaves off the tulips and ferns, pouring grape juice on white linens, breaking toys. It made him feel powerful.

"Hell could learn a thing or two from this one," Crowley muttered.

"I expect they're going to, since he'll be running the show if we fail to do something about this," Aziraphale snapped in reply.

Neither angel nor demon had been prepared for the inexhaustible physical frenzy of an outraged six-year-old Antichrist.

But when Warlock finally smashed Aziraphale's pocketwatch on a paving stone in a fit of rage, the poor child broke through something else, too.

Warlock stared at the pieces of glass and the crushed face on the ground, at the minute hand all bent out of shape. He looked up at Brother Francis. He looked at Nanny, running across the lawn toward them.

And he started bawling. ...

[Click through to read more or finish on AO3]

Warlock knew that watch was special. He knew it was very old and delicate. In fact, the watch was the reason he'd learned the definitions of "fragile" and "breakable" and "irreplaceable." Once he had command of those words, he'd been allowed to hold it while seated on Brother Francis's lap. He'd even learned how to wind it, awestruck by the action and the shine. He always included the watch when he drew pictures of Brother Francis, attached by a chain of lumpy circles to the pocket of his baggy trousers.

Now the fragile breakable irreplaceable thing lay in pieces on the garden path.

Aziraphale was terrible at hiding his feelings. He was shocked and saddened, and it showed all over his face, though he did his best to suppress it. Every time Warlock looked up at him, the child cried harder.

Aziraphale was rapidly realizing that if he miracled his watch back together, even discreetly, Warlock was old enough that he would notice its reappearance. Warlock noticed everything. So the watch would have to stay at home, unworn, for several years at least -- perhaps until the end of the world. It had survived the Blitz, the trenches, the Seven Years' War, the Crimean War, and a number of unfortunate dining mishaps (though it was perhaps helped along by a few frivolous miracles). Aziraphale had not gone without it since he purchased it from the watchmaker himself back in 1689, in a dim workshop on the outskirts of Zürich. The angel felt some epoch ending. Endings made him sad. Especially these days, when they reminded him of The End.

But Crowley was there; of course Crowley was there. She scooped Warlock up in her arms even though he was getting big for that. She held him tight as he sobbed.

"Here's a how-de-do," she groaned, assessing the situation.

Aziraphale had been crouched over the ruined watch for so long now that his knees were stiff. He stood up and sighed heavily. "I suppose it's...it's only a watch," he said, dispirited. "I shouldn't grow so attached to worldly goods. ...And it's an opportunity to teach compassion, model forgiveness, and discuss respect for others' things, as well." He was letting the accent slip in his sadness, but Warlock was as far from paying attention as he could be.

"He's six! He can't track all that!" huffed Crowley.

"Well he's certainly tracking the bit about crushing the world under his heel!"

"Nnnnnrrrrrrgh," Crowley snarled in frustration. She was caught between her mandate to teach Warlock to be fantastically evil and her fear that succeeding would bring about the end of the world.

In the end, though, Warlock surprised them both by doing something entirely human, entirely his own. He cried himself out for several minutes on the lawn, and once he could speak again, he asked Aziraphale:

"Brother Francis, why did I do that?"

Then he looked to his Nanny, silently repeating the question to her with his bleary eyes.

Crowley and Aziraphale looked at one another, blinking.

"Um," said Crowley.

"...Why d'you think ye did, me lad?" asked Aziraphale, retreating from his hurt feelings into his ridiculous bucktoothed persona.

Warlock sniffed. "I don't know. I din't think it would feel like that." He squatted and poked the exposed paper of the clock face.

Crowley knelt down next to him. "Can you put it back together?" she asked.

"No."

"So what do you think you should do now?"

"Nnnno!"

"That's not even...nngh." Crowley looked helplessly to the angel. But they were both at a loss.

"Can we go inside?" Warlock finally pleaded.

And so they did. As Nanny and Warlock walked away, Crowley restored the pocketwatch with a snap of her fingers without even looking back. It was good as new once again.

But Aziraphale knew that its time had come. He picked it up, enjoying the way it fit just so in his palm -- the comfort of a handful of crystallized time -- and then he clicked it shut and sent it back home to the bookshop, where it would have to stay for now.

That evening, just before supper, Warlock showed up on the porch of the greenhouse with Nanny in tow. His little face was wrinkled up in concern and contrition and other Very Grown-Up Feelings as he presented Brother Francis with a card. It featured a colored pencil drawing of all three of them holding hands, and yellow triangles on the ground to represent the afternoon's event. The unsteady lettering inside read "soRRY for yuor wAtch From wARLock."

"I made you this," said Warlock, and he handed over the most awkward little handcrafted project. It was roughly disc-shaped, and it featured play-doh, pipe cleaners, and glitter glue. The face was sharpied directly onto the half-dried crumbling clay, and the chain was made of taped rings of construction paper.

It plucked every heartstring the angel had. He melted on the spot.

Crowley rolled her eyes as Aziraphale poured out fond words of thanks for his new watch and forgiveness for the old one, embracing Warlock between tearful phrases. But Crowley also had her least cruel smirk on, the one that was very nearly affectionate.

Before they left, Crowley also noted in a low voice that there had been no more trouble with kicking and screaming and tearing up houseplants today. Warlock had been upset twice, but had managed to calm himself down without help both times.

After she took Warlock away, Aziraphale tried to miracle protection over his new handmade treasure so that the play-doh wouldn't crumble and the paper wouldn't crush -- only to find that Crowley had already done so.

+++

Two nights later, on a crosstown bus bound for Soho, Aziraphale noticed that the lanky redheaded passenger in front of him happened to leave behind a small shopping bag when he disembarked. Aziraphale folded up his newspaper and slipped into the empty seat to take a closer look. Inside was a wooden box wrapped in plain black paper. It was marked "AZ" in black ink that was only detectable by its slightly more reflective shine.

Aziraphale opened it right there, and of course, of course it was a new pocketwatch. From Crowley. Crowley knew watches. And Crowley knew Aziraphale.

It was hard to date this one exactly, but he estimated the 1820's, and English-made; it was thin and modern and elegant, much lighter than the other. It was in excellent condition, although pleasantly worn with time. He spent the rest of the bus ride home admiring it, listening to it, growing familiar with the new face, wondering who it might have belonged to before. When he reached his stop, he slipped it into the waistcoat pocket meant for the purpose, and he felt like a new angel.

Gifts. How strange. A gift from Warlock, and a gift from Crowley. Gifts of time, restored.

Perhaps there was still time enough before the end of the world. Perhaps there might be time, after.

Aziraphale set the new pocketwatch down on his desk back at the bookshop, right next to his old favorite of several hundred years and his handcrafted masterpiece from Warlock. He had never thought to own more than one pocketwatch at a time. Now he had three.

He picked up the telephone to call the responsible party and offer sincerest thanks, but after some dithering, he decided not to. Crowley hated thanks. Crowley could even be endangered by thanks, if the two of them weren't careful.

Perhaps, instead, Brother Francis could show the new timepiece to Warlock and Nanny in the morning. He could explain how precious this watch was, since it was a gift from a friend. He could say that breaking something irreplaceable was sad, but it was not the end, not as long as the world spun on. He could talk about the way new things follow old ones -- and though the new things might be different, they could be lovely too. New things were worth holding out hope for, and worth learning to treasure, given time.

And after explaining all of that to Warlock, he could give Crowley a wink.

Which would communicate his thanks for the gift far better than any phone call.

+++

Over the next few years, Crowley found himself browsing for new wristwatches more and more often in his spare time. He bought them at a faster clip, too -- three in the year Warlock turned seven, six the year after that. Each was sturdier than the last, made to withstand impacts and temperatures and pressure that no watch was likely to encounter in the wild. But Crowley could feel the world running down, he could see the future he looked forward to contracting into nothing, and he burned with protective instincts as everything in him rebelled.

Meanwhile, Aziraphale spent more and more time with his books, especially history and memoirs. As he looked back over the story of humanity that he loved, the story he'd spent so much time recording and remembering, he felt it all spinning up to something awful indeed: The End. When Warlock turned nine, Aziraphale turned to his books of prophecy, feeling no small amount of distress. Looking ahead was painful for him, especially now. The future was unsafe, it was wild, it was ineffable, and unfortunately it looked to be very very short. Aziraphale did not forget to wind his pocketwatch anymore. It was a tool now more than a treasure, as The End drew near. It seemed important to remember what time it was, these days.

+++

As it happened, Aziraphale almost didn't notice when his fourth watch joined the collection.

In his defense, it was rather a busy day.

And since the new pocketwatch was identical to the one that Crowley had given him, down to the last molecule, it was unsurprising that making the connection took the angel a little time.

But some weeks after the End of All Things didn’t quite, Aziraphale realized that the watch in his waistcoat pocket was a gift as well. And this time it wasn't from Crowley.

When the thought occurred to him, sitting in his favorite chair in his restored bookshop, Aziraphale gasped faintly and set aside his well-worn copy of Now We Are Six. He had been revisiting children's literature lately for some reason. The Just William books had set him on a roll.

"Crowley, dear," he said.

"Nnnnghm?" Crowley hummed from the couch, where he sprawled limbless and relaxed as a squashed spider might if it were sort of into being squashed.

"We really ought to go and visit Tadfield sometime soon, don't you think?"

"Ngk."

"I have a great deal to thank Adam for, after all. And we should check in on everyone."

"Mmf."

Aziraphale palmed the fourth watch he had ever owned and ran his thumb over the back. "Do you think a wristwatch would be an appropriate belated birthday gift for someone Adam's age?" he asked absently.

Crowley windmilled himself up off the couch and sauntered over to give Aziraphale a peck on the cheek. "Hell if I know. Prob'ly. Maybe. More tea?"

"Yes, it's about that time, isn't it? Thank you, darling. Ever so."

[thegoodomensdumpster]

Could you draw Aziraphale with a cane or some other mobility device?

Aziraphale wanted a croissant. He got one. He couldn’t be happier.

Or… maybe he could. Btw he has little handles with pins on his chair to prevent “nice” people from grabbing it and “help” him move without his consent :))))) ( also, I noticed I gave him a coat that is probably not wheelchair friendly at all, he can probably only button up the highest buttons… I’m sorry Aziraphale… but… maybe he can use this as an opportunity to ask his demon to miracle him a better coat instead…)

OK so I was very happy I received this drawing prompt for several reasons:

1) EXCELLENT IDEA

2) we absolutely need more representation of disabled people and Aziraphale is an excellent character to help reach that goal

3) this is going to allow me to explain one of my headcanons about the corporations Hell and Heaven give to their agents (more of that below the cut!)

4) I am not a disabled person myself but I do try to educate myself on those topics, and though I still have a looong way to go I’m going to take this ask as an opportunity to promote the Youtuber that has made me understand quite a few things about ableism and how to stop being an ableist little shit myself:

Please consider giving a look at Vivre Avec’s videos. I linked one that has english subtitles and explains the disability they have (Ehler Danlos Syndrom - also, I’m saying they because they just came out as nonbinary today, so most of their videos don’t reflect that entirely. They/them in english and il in french). They are very interesting and their Twitter is full of pictures of their bunnies ^^

OK so now for the headcanon about corporations.

Basically, neither Hell nor Heaven see human bodies or their specificities as good or bad. When they are inhabited by a demon or an angel, most of the time they’ll be using their magic mojo inside to make it do what is more practical / comfortable for them (like preventing sweat and other annoying body fluids from forming), which will most likely lead the host to ignore any disability the body may have.

But it doesn’t mean that the body itself isn’t disabled. 

My headcanon is as follow: Heaven and Hell’s stock of bodies are representative of the diversity of bodies that can be found on Earth in the same proportions ( it goes from eye color to intersexuation to any size shape and age - with a bemol on children’s bodies because they are way less useful than adults’ ones - and it very much includes disabilities ).

Angels and demons alike have shapeshifting powers that can come in handy for when you, for instance, need to impersonate a gardener for a few years, or if you need to blend in and therefore have to change your skin color or other features… But, if the host decides to let their body look like and behave the exact way it was made -so by removing any magic influence they have on it-, then any feature originally implanted will manifest. Once again, this includes disabilities.

To accompany the drawings above, I don’t have a particular disability to propose for Aziraphale’s corporation ( I’m afraid I don’t know enough about it, don’t hesitate to headcanon anything you like ) but it seems to be something that varies in intensity. Some days he can walk, some days he can’t, and therefore he might need his wheelchair even if he could theoritically stand without using his powers to magically force it. 

Aziraphale’s main struggle when he is in his wheelchair is to prevent Crowley from establishing permanent residence on his lap, because that is a real temptation if that demon has ever seen one.

[wanna-b-poet31]

Hastur’s Brutal Honesty (A  Good Omens Meta?)

So Like, This is me just drafting my bigger idea that Hastur as the perfect literary mirror to Aziraphale...but the closer I look at him, the more...honest??? he seems.  Which, considering how Crowley chooses to lie, leads me to an interesting conclusion about the role of dis/honesty in the series. Namely, how his words (when compared to Aziraphale, Crowley, Heaven and Hell) intersects with loyalty, cruelty, and kindness. 

>Plan on hearing more about Hastur and Aziraphale in the future...but in the meantime, some observations<

First, as I discuss in Part 3 of my Lying/Honesty series: I identify instances where Angel’s lie (with Aziraphale being a good example of a poor liar) but also I made a passing comment that there is an inexplicable honest streak among the demons. 

It got me thinking about WHY? Especially because their honesty doesn’t make them any less cruel or abusive. So I go to thinking...(a dangerous pastime, I know)  

Yes, the demons are more aware of other’s ability to deceive them, like Beelzebub’s jab at Michael that “it’s not that we don’t trust you, but we don’t trust you” and further, TESTING the water before subjecting “Crowley” to it. But...do we see them honestly, lie? And, is that indicative of something bigger?

I will note, they clearly say they don’t trust each other:

>GIF of Ligur asking Hastur if he trusts Crowley. Hastur replies “no”<  But do their actions match their words? I would argue not.

Case in point: Hastur.

I find Hastur’s behavior particularly interesting because I’ve recently re-watched the series and noticed, the closest he gets to a lie is when he knocks on Crowley’s door and Ligur say’s they just want to talk to him. However, this feels more like a threat, with ironic intent, rather than a flat lie. 

He is also particularly gullible, similar to the naiveite we see Aziraphale exhibit. Yes, he’s clearly more malicious than Aziraphae (as we see him burn down the church, threaten Crowley, and kill another demon without remorse) but we also see him willingly ask questions, and easily believe Crowley’s deceptions.

For example, we see him openly and honestly communicate with Ligur while they’re sulking, waiting for Crowley to show up. Sure, he’s wrong about what “Caio” means, but is it a lie? It seems more like his arrogance of Italian, transliterating it to an English word than an actual lie.  

Even when he’s greeting Warlock’s family, we don’t see him lie. He’s simply too preoccupied with the coming of his master to care about what anyone else thinks. I’m also hesitant to classify “threats” with “lies” because while they may not come to fruition, he certainly intends for them to be true. The closest lie I can think about is when he’s disguised himself to capture Crowley. He doesn’t even lie when he’s reading out Crowley’s crimes to the audience.

Instead, we actually see that he’s actually surprised by Crowley’s lies. As much as he claims not to trust other Demons, when he’s actively pursuing Crowley and Ligur is killed, for a split second, Hastur looks like he believes Crowley’s lie that “the Dark Council” is testing him.

This scene seems to highlight the fundamental difference between Crowley and Hastur: honesty vs. cruelty.

Hastur is unspeakably cruel, where Crowley is kind and Hastur is oddly honest where Crowley freely lies. They are foils for sure (stay tuned for that meta sometime soon) and I think this nuance matters. 

Like, in this scene Hastur also genuinely believes, however briefly, that Crowley is calling the Dark Council. This is AFTER Crowley lied about the anti-christ, lied (by omission) that he befriended an Angel, just wrote Ligur (Hastur’s bestie) out of reality, and lied about putting holy water into the water mister. 

By all accounts, there is no reason Hastur should trust Crowley at this moment, but he still does. The above Gif doesn’t do justice to the tone of voice that Hastur gives when he asks if Crowley is calling the dark council. It’s almost downright hopeful. It doesn’t occur to him until Crowley says “so long sucka” that Crowley’s lied to him. 

Sure, Crowley is the most convincing liar in the series, and his performance is top-notch, but at this point, Hastur still demonstrates trust. I think both because it doesn’t dawn on him that he’d be the recipient of an unkind lie AND because Crowley still hasn’t shown the unbriddled cruelty Hastur himself would demonstrate. Crowley’s only acted out of self-defense. It’s not until Hastur has time to fully process the loss of Ligur (in answering-machine land) he realizes Crowley’s no longer on his side. 

In reality, Crowley never was. Crowley has ever only been loyal to Aziraphale, and Hastur has only been loyal to Hell.

And I think the motivating reason is the brutal cruelty Hastur, and other demons, display. Ligur and Hastur both waste no time shoving a poor Eric into the Hellhound’s pit and kill 2 more Eric’s at the “traditional” end of the world cite. They do these acts of cruelty without a second thought.  Hastur laughs with glee as nuns are screaming for their lives and the satanic church is burned.

It truly mirrors the way Heaven/God is fine killing everyone except for Noah and his family. There is no remorse.

The only time we see the sliver of cruelty in Crowley is in the above scene. When Ligur is destroyed, Anthony “you can’t kill the kids” Crowley is directly responsible. But, this is self-defense and Ligur is clearly a vehicle for abuse. And, it is clearly framed differently from how Hastur’s several acts of cruelty are. 

For the show he puts on, Crowley is not cruel, not even to his enemies. Crowley does not relish killing, opting to give Nazis a choice to leave while still not condoning their behavior. Unlike Hastur who is downright gleeful that the nuns who have helped him are running for his life, Crowley adds no emphasis to killing. He is not nice, but he is not unkind nor does things out of purely malicious intent.  

Meanwhile, Hastur goes above and beyond to be cruel. When he kills the demon at trial (his 4th!! demon murder!!) he still is not lying but he’s certainly not being kind. This tells me that honesty is not intrinsically “kind” nor is it intrinsically “bad” in the series. Rather, it is but one weapon in the arsenal choice.

If I bring my train of thought to the ineffable husbands, it gives so much more meaning to Crowley’s active choice NOT to lie to Aziraphale. I’ve said it before, that this show is dependent on choice. He chooses the kinder of the two options. Crowley could lie, he has the imagination for it, and he wields it against their adversaries (Hell) well. However, he doesn’t. he only ever points out what Aziraphale is unable or sometimes unwilling to acknowledge as truth. 

Hastur. meanwhile, he chooses to be cruel beyond belief and chooses to be honest. He does not make the same grand show to lie to his enemies. For him, the truth behind his threats and his impulse to act in the moment are greater tools for harm. 

Aziraphale, thinks he’s choosing the kinder option to lie to Crowley at the Bandstand. He certainly is saying “true” words, but neither believe it at this point, and both are harmed by it. We also know he thinks lying can be unkind, but he uses it primarily as a defensive tool, not an offensive one. It is not until he realizes how much abuse he’s internalized that he realizes who deserves his kind honesty: Crowley. 

This also brings greater emphasis to the way honesty and dishonesty can be manipulated. Crowley and Aziraphale lie self-defense. Neither relish lying, but will because the kind of honesty they are being fed by their respective sides is cruel, and nothing like the unspoken, unnamed truth between the two of them. 

Hell is unkind, unloving, and unspeakably cruel. Heaven is cold, unfeeling, and cruel. Crowley is the victim of clear and specific abuse at the hands of hell and does not need to feel sorry for lying to his abuser.  Aziraphale has been belittled and gaslighted by Heaven and both lie for protection. 

However, Hastur is honest only as a means to be cruel. When Crowley chooses, to be honest, it is explicitly to be kind and to be loving. 

So I bring myself back to my initial observation. Why do Demons have an honest streak? I think it is because for them (and for Heaven) lying and honesty is neither good nor bad. Instead, they add “weight to the moral argument” they’re making. They are much more concerned with outcome (which is always an offensive mechanism) than the means. It just so happens Demons bully and intimidate for what they want without especially needing to lie.

TLDR: Yes, Hastur chooses to be honest, but the outcome is still cruelty. Yes, Crowley chooses to lie, but the outcome is protection. Lying is not intrinsically bad, honesty is not intrinsically good. Demons cant still be super abusive even if they don’t lie about it.

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk

[focusfixated]

january fic rec round-up

i’m going to attempt to do one of these monthly. we’ll see how it goes!

below are links to all the things i read and loved this month. feel free to reblog this post to let these authors’ wonderful works get as much attention as possible. 

(heavy on the IT fandom, with a sprinkling of good omens)

---

recovery position & beachcoma by @yeats-infection

rating: T-M

fandom & pairing: IT - richie/eddie

summary: He was peaking on acid when he opened his eyes and beheld the most beautiful person in the world.

notes: an incredible two-part story that digs its fingers into that achingly awfully familiar feeling of messy teenage fuckuppery and the ecstatically painful joy of queer yearning, of the way memories elude us when things around us change, underscored by this amazing emotional connectivity to and vivid understanding of music and its place in the key scenes of our lives.

---

roads & lakes by @sidnihoudini

rating: E-M

fandom & pairing: IT - richie/eddie

summary: The drive back to The Derry Townhouse is short, scary, and not well-lit. “It’s just Eddie,” he tells his reflection, trying to give himself a pep talk, but that’s the problem. It’s Eddie.

notes: this deserves at least double the comments currently on this story.  extremely good. and dark, and kind of painful. there's a real simmering edge and a spikiness to the interactions here, and though there’s tenderness it’s also occasionally a bit ugly, which works to give it some very satisfying realism.

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you can be as scattered as you like by @dickwheelie

rating: G

fandom & pairing: good omens - aziraphale/crowley

summary: “Why d’you need a mirror in that form anyway?” Crowley said. “’S not like you’re supposed to look a certain way, in a form like that. There’s a reason vanity’s our business, Angel.”

notes: absolutely charming as fuck. humorous and sweet angelic body-horror. is such a thing possible? and how to possibly render into human language the un-rendable appearance of an angel? these are the important questions this story asks. uses a kind of stylistic humour that's so reminiscent of the books, and has the kind of clever, descriptive details i adore.

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good omens, goodfellas by @itsevidentvery

rating: G

fandom & pairing: good omens - aziraphale/crowley

summary: A smarmy developer wants to buy The Bookshop, and neither Crowley nor Aziraphale can miracle their way out of this mess. Luckily, Crowley - armed with Golden Girls-themed cocktails and a handful of mafia movies - is on the case...

notes: full of delightful wordplay and cheekiness. has a clever, wry, observational style that is just wonderful. i absolutely cackled during whole sections. intelligent, sharp, witty. the colourful details and references, especially to particular places in london, and the particularly english sensibility of the whole piece, gave me such joy to read.

---

a taste of salt & how the light gets in by @bottle-of-smoke

rating: E

fandom & pairing: IT - richie/eddie

summary: Eddie survives Neibolt, and learns to take risks.

notes: this is such a sophisticated, nuanced, tricky and extremely satisfying exploration of these characters. everything you could possible want in a post-derry story. the colourful banter between richie and eddie that characterises their dynamic is there in spades. their sexual chemistry is also fantastic here, the sex scenes are used to show us something meaningful about the characters, about what they need or choose to open themselves up to. such a deeply-felt, complex portrait of a relationship. incredible stuff.

---

in fact everything’s got that big reverb sound by @dystopiary

rating: T

fandom & pairing: IT - richie/eddie

summary: Richie Tozier deals with dry socket, the prodigal sister, shifting dynamics in his friendships, babysitting, and the maddening unavailability of Eddie Kaspbrak.

notes: one of those seminal fics that becomes the blueprint for how you'll see these characters forever. the sheer teenagerhoodness of this whole in story is tangible. the confused self-reflection, the mistakes, the bull-headed emotional blunders, the shifting family dynamics, the panicky naive fear of what your relationship is to your friends, of what parts of your personality are okay or not okay, of who you are becoming. this is such a fantastic story, plot- and detail-heavy, the blossoming relationships are handled so deftly, with such a good handle on how all these feelings felt at that age, and a genuinely brilliant grasp of richie and eddie and their dynamic. required reading.

[ambular-d]

I don’t quite get how Aziraphale stole it, though?  Anathema left it in the Bentley and he found it, not even knowing up until that moment that she owned the thing or that it was there.  And yeah, he knew where she was staying, and probably the most proper thing to do would be immediately take it back to her.  But it was the middle of the night, Crowley flatly stated that he had no intention of returning it, and neither the show nor the novel makes any statements one way or the other as to whether Aziraphale intended to keep it.

if the Apocalypse hadn’t been under way at the time it came into his possession, derailing pretty much every other consideration, he might have succumbed to temptation--I won’t deny that’s a possibility.  It was something of tremendous value that he’d coveted for a long time, his willpower tends to be rather selective, and seeing that some child had colored in it with crayons must have offended his bibliophile sensibilities no end.  It would have been pretty easy for him to rationalize that it would be safer with him than being toted around the English countryside on a bicycle without so much as a slipcover to protect it.

But then again, I think it’s also very possible he would have returned it.  He’s a kindly soul who clearly does have considerable respect for rules and laws and doing the right thing, even if he’s not quite as righteous as he’d like to believe.  He already felt badly about Anathema being hurt, and at some point I think the excitement of finally getting his hands on the sole extant copy of the most famous and accurate book of prophecy in history would have been tempered by the realization that it must have been terribly important to whoever had it.  Especially since so many of the prophecies were addressed to specific people, and it would have quickly become obvious that it had been handed down as a family heirloom.

Whatever his ultimate intentions, I think he can be forgiven for at least wanting to read the book when he had the chance.  Especially since practically the first thing he saw when he opened it was Agnes’ instructions, addressed to him personally, to keep reading!

‘Going native’, colonial metaphors, and good angels

Nobody needs to be reminded that Heaven and Hell in Good Omens are stand-ins for nuclear superpowers, but I think the associated implication that Heaven and Hell are colonial powers has maybe not been discussed enough.

And it’s really worth thinking about Aziraphale and Crowley in that light, especially when it comes to the discussion I sometimes see about the moral implications of Aziraphale’s participation in the Arrangement/not performing his angelic duties.

Aziraphale and Crowley are individuals who get sent by powerful institutions to reform an indigenous people, see that people’s way of life, and instinctively go: ‘hang on. These people might be very different to ‘us’, but their culture is actually pretty complex and cool, and they don’t seem like they need instructions in order to develop and progress. I honestly think I’d rather chill, make friends with them and admire their funky stuff than force them to become more like ‘us’. And also, waging warfare on their land is fucking evil and I will use my privilege to be a powerful ally to these people in preventing that crime, even though it means huge personal risk to me.’ 

Asking whether Aziraphale is a good or a bad angel is like asking whether he’s a good or a bad colonialist. You shouldn’t want him to be good at it. 

(N.B. that this is why there is so much stuff in the story about prophecy, witchcraft, and superstition - these are indigenous folkloric traditions, which is why Heaven want to stamp them out. It says a lot that Aziraphale is genuinely, open-mindedly interested in them to the extent that the most important thing he does to help prevent Armageddon is devote fascinated and respectful attention to Agnes Nutter’s book.) 

(But he’s still stealing that book from the locals, and Anathema is rightfully upset.)

[ghostificati0n]

actual descriptions from this book:

"Crowley had dark hair and good cheekbones and he was wearing snakeskin shoes, or at least presumably he was wearing shoes, and he could do really weird things with his tongue. And, whenever he forgot himself, he had a tendency to hiss. He also didn't blink much."

"Her hair was a true auburn, neither ginger nor brown, but a deep and burnished copper-color, and it fell to her waist in tresses that men would kill for, and indeed often had. Her eyes were a startling orange. She looked twenty-five, and always had."

"She was interupted by a skeleton. A skeleton in a Dior dress, with tanned skin stretched almost to snapping point over the delicate bones of the skull. The skeleton had long blond hair and perfectly made-up lips: she looked like the person who mothers around the world would point to, muttering 'That's what'll happen to you if you don't eat your greens'; she looked like a famine-relief poster with style."

pollutions whole introduction is a masterful callout of climate change and i love it

"She wore a knit tweed suit and discreet pearl earrings. Something about her might have said nanny, but it is said in an undertone of the sort employed by British butlers in a certain type of American film. It also coughed and muttered that she could well be the sort of nanny who advertises unspecified but strangely explicit services in certain magazines."

"The owner of a voice like that would be the sort of person who, before making a plastic model kit, would not only separate and count all the part before commencing, as per the instructions, but also paint the bits that needed painting first and leave them to dry properly prior to construction."

"She was not astonishingly beautiful. All her features, considered individually, were extremely pretty, but the entirety of her face gave the impression that it had been put together hurriedly from stock without reference to any plan. Probably the most suitable word is 'attractive,' although people who knew what it meant and could spell it might add 'vivacious,' although there was something very Fifties about 'vivacious,' so perhaps they wouldn't."

"Adam had a way of slouching along that offended all right-thinking people. It wasn't that he just allowed his body to droop. He could slouch wirh inflections, and nowthe set of his shoulders reflected the hurt and bewilderment of those unjustly thwarted in their selfless desire to help their fellow men."

"What Anathema saw was, she said later, something like a pre-pubescent Greek god. Or maybe a Biblical illustration, one which showed muscular angels doing slme righteous smiting. It was a face that didn't belong in the twentieth century. It was thatched with golden curls which glowed. Michelangelo should have sculpted it. He probably would not have included the battered sneakers, frayed jeans, or grubby t-shirt, though."

"Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide. Two of these were wrong; Heaven is not in England, whatever certain poets may have thought, and angels are sexless unless they really want to make an effort. But he was intelligent."

"Shadwell had turned out to be about five feet high and wore clothes which, no matter what they actually were, always turned up even in your short-term memory as an old mackintosh. The old man may have had all his own teeth, but only because no one else could possibly have wanted them; just one of them, placed under the pillow, would have made the Tooth Fairy hand in its wand.

"He had appeared to live entirely on sweet tea, condensed milk, hand-rolled cigarettes, and a sort of sullen internal energy."

i want someone to explain me line neil gaiman and terry pratchet explain characters in good omens