#though tbh i dont actually know if you have to have that for an ocd diagnosis

[kalashtars]

had someone tell me today they think I would be diagnosed with ocd before autism and i cannot stop thinking abt it

[stovetoast]

pillow tpot headcanons (long ramble expanding on the ocd part under the cut)

ok so first warning: i am not a psychiatrist. this isnt a super educated essay on ocd, just me projecting my lived experience onto an object show character. this is just an observation. if i get something wrong feel free to correct me, ill add it here. (its also worth noting i am self diagnosed. not "quick google search" self dx though, ive gone over it with a therapist and everything)

and that leads into the second warning: this ramble will get a tad bit personal sorryyyy

and finally the third warning: i put she/it on the ref but im just using she/her for simplicity (+ i forgot LOL(

anyway so yeah i think that pillow has ocd and is basically the embodiment of "letting intrusive thoughts win" except like. actually. this headcanon didnt stem from the killing or the strange impulses though, i think she has it because of her fixation on good and bad luck in tpot 10.

for me it manifests in a few different ways. my main one is counting—i have good luck numbers and bad luck numbers. i need to take a specific number of snacks every time i have a bowl of them. i have to shake medicine bottles a certain amount of times before taking them. i am always counting the "syllables" of whatever im doing, and it always has to land on a multiple/factor of my lucky number. and if i break any of this, i (generally, if i cant convince myself its fine or if i dont notice) have to count to my lucky number otherwise something bad will happen. hell, i added more flags to this ref because the number of them was my unlucky number.

i have a few other things that affect it that are completely unrelated to counting, though. like a particularly bad one is that i straight up cant wear certain articles or clothing anymore because theyre bad luck. or my ungodly long night routine (which is probably more of an autism thing tbh. but certain parts of it are absolutely influenced by the ocd, like having to say goodnight to my dog).

that ^^ is what i saw in pillow. she was distraught that her team lost in 9, because not only did she think she was doing the challenge right, but killing people (bringing death) was good luck for her.

i think her killing people was a compulsion, and her whole thing in 10 was her scrambling to find a new one after that stopped working.

and before anyone tries to be all like "oh thats fucked up why would they portray ocd like that," one: i dont think this was on purpose this was just an observation, two: i mean..... fuck dude if i lived in a world where revival was incredibly accessible and one of my compulsions were to kill people, id do the same thing. death is fairly normal in bfdi, to the point everyone literally has a kill count on the fandom wiki (hers is 13 as of tpot 11 btw, a commonly unlucky number ironically enough. if she gets eliminated in 12 with an unlucky kill count thatd be so funny). once they get past the pain, its. really just an inconvenience to them.

when it comes to ocd, you. HAVE to do these things. its not a choice until you can get some outside help with it, and oftentimes its an inconvenience to those around you. i dont think its right for her to be going around killing her team, but when i get past the fact that is literally what made her my favorite, i get where shes coming from. shes trying to help in a way she "knows" will work.

or maybe shes just silly idk

[pillowsresearch]

MORE INFO UNDER THE CUT 💤

LAST UPDATED JULY 21 2024, INTERACTS FROM @kirbytripledeluxe

pillow is a (breathe in.....) gender apathetic transfem aroace lesbian. it primarily uses she/it, but if you use a different pronoun she won't really care. in fact she will give you a thumbs up before walking away to go blow someone up. it also likes girls despite not being at all interested in a relationship. this means no shipping!

she's also slightly aplatonic and has very little empathy. and she doesn't acknowledge boundaries well. doesn't mean it can't do good, though (no matter how uncomfortable it is)

she has ocd! mostly based on my own lived experience with it. her compulsions often have to do with good/bad luck.

the part of its face that got torn off in tpot 9 was never fully recovered due to how bad the damage was. it will take a few more recovers or an actually good stitching job to fully heal it. the eye on that side is fully blind for the time being because of this! tbh i just kinda use it as an excuse to draw some cool scars EHHEHEHE

i am under the impression that she would NOT kill as gleefully if recovery wasnt so readily available. its a genuine effort to help out alongside satisfying her curiosity.

she can indeed read and write because i say so

tba

no nsfw, shes asexual and this is an all ages show. settle down

please dont bring up emeto stuff. rocky dni /hj (mentions of feeling sick is fine in the right contexts, but please at least ask first in dms or something)

breaking the timeline IS allowed! this blog is meant to take place at least post tpot-12 but i can make exceptions

magic anons are allowed but please dont be too excessive with them

you are totally allowed to get bloody and gory with it. i am a pillow tpot fan i love when theres blood at the function

that being said, that is not her entire personality and id rather it not be treated like that. and keep in mind that death is fairly common in the bfdi universe, unless i or another RPer choose to treat it seriously, its really not that serious

if i ignore an ask, im either saving it or dont know how to answer it. or i just dont want to. or i forgot. theres a lot of reasons i could be doing that.

whether i treat this blog as a joke or not will depend on the day, PLEASE be normal if im treating it seriously.

ooc messages are marked with . well. ooc. i am not canon to bfdi please do not have characters acknowledge me

tba

ill come up with a tag system as i go .......

[ruthlesslistener]

Oohhh I get it now. But tbh if I'm going to be honest, at least proshippers hide their stuff away in their respective dark areas/behind safe walls and even tag and warn people about the dark content they make. Antis dont, they just invade places and engage in the said dark content just to get mad at it. At least from my own experiences from them. Idk I just see most proshippers as responsible in managing what they make, while antis don't. I actually got a taste of dark content from antis myself as a kid, in a lot of callouts made by antis lololol. And not because the proshipper were demanding their content be known. Its been like that even now actually, where dark content gets shoved in people's faces purely because an anti is trying to act like a hero. Though this is just my experience with them.

Another thing if you wouldn't mind, is that while it's true that dark content can lead to a lot of things in real life. I personally see that it has to be allowed to exist, because dark content shows the dark realities of life and that we shouldn't just leave it/ignore it. I seen victims of abuse for example, who had their experiences validated from reading dark content/about their abuse in stories. Or like the fact that a certain famous entertainment company doesnt want to show blood in their content because of "violence" in shows where kids and adults are watching, where some have pointed out that not showing even a small proportions of what violence can do (blood) will lead to a very naive understanding of the consequences of violence. Shocking because this is a western company, and the TV show in question involves guns and... you get the idea. Don't get me started on censorship and how that can get out of hand so easily.

I don't think I'm explaining this well but yeh. Dark content is needed and should be allowed to exist in my personal views, but should still be allowed to exist behind close doors and away from people who don't want to see it. You can delete this ask if it makes you uncomfortable, I'm just trying to put my two cents into this convo. But yeh, I prefer to live in a world where dark content exists and not one where its nothing but "wholesome" and "pure".

.

[Tone: calm and neutral]

Oh no yeah I agree with you 100%, this is my exact stance on things and is a mirror to most of my experiences- hell, I like exclusively dark content and part of the reason for that is bc I came from a psychologically/emotionally (and sometimes physically) where 'we're all just a big happy family and you're ruining it you little freak' was a big problem. Stuff that's just pure and wholesome actually makes me feel uneasy and on edge all the time because I always feel like the other shoe is about to drop, while horror is comforting because I can read the situation and know what's happening. Part of the issue in my household also stems from the fact that my dad has an issue with differentiating fiction and reality (he suffers from untreated ocd and paranoia and a whole slew of other issues), and he used to blame the stuff I was reading for making me 'disrespectful' and 'cold' whenever I dared to have a negative emotion- hence me just seeking out more and more fucked up shit so that I could vent my anger without getting cussed out (though it also was bc I wasn't allowed to watch anything over a G rating til I was fucking. 16.). Without going into more detail, he used extremely similar tactics to antis and that's why I have such a strongly negative response to them, discounting all of the times where I had nasty run-ins with them. I very much hate all of them and it is because I had to deal with people like them my whole life. It wasn't fun.

I have very few actual squicks, and if I'm in a curious mood I'll also read stuff even if it disgusts me- and hell, sometimes their are exceptions. Captive Prince is a series I'm very fond of full of rape, csa, incest, and psychological abuse, but the reason why I love it despite the content is because it is a very compelling story about how horrible all that abuse is and how deeply fucked up it can make a person, as well as how awful the victim can seem when your pov is being manipulated by the abuser. The problem I have isn't content-based as much as it is the people, and, to the lesser extent, the tone of some of what they make.

See, what soured me on proshippers aren't people who are quietly making darker content and posting/tagging it properly (those are just normal writers and artists imo), I'm talking those who proudly proclaim themselves as proship, aka the vocal few balls deep in The Discourse who make it their whole personality trait. They're mostly centered to Twitter rather than Tumblr nowadays, but the problem with said vocal minority is that they are. Well. Extremely fucking annoying, entitled, tone-deaf, and just overall awful people. Almost everyone who proudly flaunts that they're proship is so balls-deep in the discourse that they feel personally victimized by anyone who shows any negative reaction to the gross shit they're into bc that automatically means they're a puritan, when sometimes it really is just an expression of disgust. Twitter proshippers are a whole different breed than Tumblr ones after the porn ban, but unfortunatly I keep getting their arguments shown to me when I'm on the site scrolling for furry porn and its...bad. It's real fucking bad. Not as bad as antis half the time but certainly not much better in how they treat people and their personal boundaries.

It's also the people who will take content that's pretty fucked up and spins it through a fandom lens that also gets me, though most of the time I just block and move on with a bad taste in my mouth instead of getting actually angry. And by 'fandom lens', I mean people who will take a rape/abuse/etc situation and then go 'oh but what if they're a couple with only a few pokes at the fucked up elements in canon. Ex, some (admittedly few, but they exist) people ship Mohg and Miquella as a reciprocal pairing despite it being a kidnapping and nonconsensual body modification incest-for-power situation, and that just...it feels so wrong. It's just so shallow and such a bad take read on a complex situation that I cannot stand it, it makes me want to run the opposite way. I have zero authority to force people to not do things ofc, I'm not a fucking cop, but those people give me the vibe of someone who'd not help you out with an abusive partner because 'oh but his posessiveness and controlling nature is just so cute, and he clearly loves you so its okay!' and that rings the alarm bells of someone that I do NOT want to be around even if it logically means nothing.

Does that make sense? It's a convoluted mess, but I hope I made it more clear that it's not so much the content that bothers me as much as it is the people and how they use it.

[star-girl69]

DUDEEEEEE. She calls me baby youuuuu ate that harrrrrrrd. Like I had to go back in for seconds and thirds and fourths fr fr. Cause are we even surprised or are we just grateful that you give us mortals a second of your time and talent????

Babe you are so incredibly talented. The way you write is sooooooo amazing its like you just know how to manipulate your words into something that will and has had me in tears in like 2 seconds. Don't even get me started on how you write your characters. Like I don't know how I can fully and most genuinely express the astonishment you leave me in all the time.

I believe that you are one of a kind and a treasure to be cherished. I know that doubting is inevitable but I hope that you know that I'm always gonna be in the obsessed with addie corner no matter what. Like I meant it when I said that there won't be a time when you have no fans. Ever. You will forever be my favourite gorgeous goddess❤️❤️❤️.

-❤️

(I'm sorry I've been so absent school has been actually eating me alive)

(I think about you everyday though and it makes life just that much better)

(I hope you don't think I'm exaggerating😭😭😭😭All of this that I've been feeling without releasing had to be sent in a long ask my bad)

(I missed your little bonuses though, I hope you're doing okay)

(I'm always here for anything you may need, even if its literally just to tell you how amazing you are)

(love you ❤️)

#jealousclarissesupremacy

I WAS WONDERING WHERE YOU WERE I WAS SO WORRIED I SMILED SO HARD WHEN I GOT THIS ASK 🤭🤭

I CANT THAT WHOLE SECOND PARAGRAPH LIKE I CANT LIKE WOWWWW YOU THINK THAT???? ABOUT MEEE??!!!!??!?!?!?!!

TREASURE IS INSANE BTW 🤭 anyways omg. i’m so grateful wtf like i’m sorry i cant come up w something more poetic like you i just love these asks so much i get so happy and idk how to express that other than ilysm and i’m just so happy and so so grateful

also gorgeous goddess… i giggled 🤭🤭🤭

(ITS OKAYYYYY IM GLAD YOUR BACK SCHOOL HAS BEEN COOKING ME TOO 💔💔)

(EVERYDAY??!?!?!?! i think about you everyday too tho….. thinking about that one day you were so active and i got like 5 asks from you… BEST DAY OF MY LIFEEE) (also pls don’t take this as me pressuring you TRUST i am grateful for whatever you give me 🙏🙏)

(STOP. I. LOVE. LONG. ASKS. DONT ANNOY ME BY DOUBTING MY LOVE FOR YOU!!!!!!!)

(idk i’m okay i’ve just been really feeling pressured to write stuff bc the fandom is dying down (guys pls come back) and i am now firmly addicted to the praise and number of notifs i get…. lol. the bonuses have always been weird bc sometimes they come so easily to me like the first one i did was so it goes and i didn’t even have to think about it and then someone said they liked it so i went back and did it to my other fics and started doing it and idk yeah basically what i’m saying is sometimes they’re so easy and other times i have to force myself to come up w something which sucks but people like them so i’m happy to do it!!!!)

(tbh i’ll probably go back and add a bonus to she calls me baby bc i have just a little teeny bit of ocd and it will bother me but also i’m trying to let the little things go but idk we’ll see how strong i am 😭😭)

(sorry i will stop ranting now) (shoutout to anyone who actually reads that incoherent ramble)

(i need to be told how amazing i am 24/7 so that will be hard 😔) (BUT I APPRECIATE YOU SAYING THAT)

(LOVE YOU TOOOOO 💋💋💋)

#iagreesobad

[unityrain24]

you know, i feel a lot of people who feel unlovable really like the whole "soulmate" idea in fiction (because it ensures that you would be loved, unconditionally, no matter what), but tbh i have never resonated with it.

It actually... makes me uncomfortable, i guess you could say? I wouldn't want a soulmate. Because to me... then that love wouldn't feel real. And i want desperatly to be loved for real, a genuine love. A soulmate, though, it doesn't feel real. They dont have any choice but to love you. They have no free will. But even if that love is genuine, as someone who has always felt trapped and like i dont have any choices in anything... i wouldn't want to wish that upon anyone.

The thought of being loved unconditionally is something i want so bad, but something I also dont want at all. If someone were to love me unconditionally, and say, i changed dramatically as a person and became someone abusive/toxic/evil, but they still loved and stayed with me... they wouldn't deserve that. They wouldn't deserve to be hurt like that. (or would they? if they found something so despicable so lovable, does that make them evil too?) (<-that one was just about general evilness, not toxicness/abusiveness. obviously abuse victims getting attached to their abuser isn't a moral failing) I don't ever see myself turning out to be like how i just described, but that's not the point. The point is it doesn't matter what i became or did to them, they would have to love me. They would have no free will. And that is terrible.

(you can see my moral ocd sneaking in that last paragraph a little shhh)

I want to be loved. I want to be loved, so, so desperately. I want to be loved, i want to feel loved, i want to love, i want to be in love. And i want a live that stays, i want a love that's consistent. I want someone who's love is so deep that they'd still love me and stay with me even when thing got bad for me and i wasn't able to take care of myself. I feel like no one has ever stayed, and i crave something permanent, something consistent, really to the point of desperation. But the thought of what that would entail is just... so distressing to me. I shouldn't, couldn't, and wouldn't do that to anyone. And the thought of it being a soulmate is even more sickening to me...

[entropy-sea-system]

1 - Were you named after anyone ?

No, unless you count that some headmates share a name with their fictional or real source if they are a fictive / factive or -kin

2- Last time you cried ?

I think maybe last week?

3- Do you have kids?

No and we don't want any

4- What sports do you play / have you played?

Only tae kwon do, like years ago if referring to consistently doing it. I don't like the idea of it anymore bc sparring reminds me of physical abuse and its too triggering. Have a weird relationship w exercise since we have chronic pain and fatigue, don't like intentionally doing it and even daily tasks like walking leave us exhausted, and even things like going for a walk thats a bit longer than we can results in PEM(post exertional malaise), last time that happened we just fell asleep for over 12 hours once we got home.

5- Do you use sarcasm?

Some headmates do, some don't

6-Whats the first thing you notice about people?

Irl its usually their clothes / accessories or hair, for some reason it feels a bit weird for some of us to look at ppls faces or other things about them especially if theyre strangers idk. And things like voice and how they smell are not things one would notice at first glance (unless maybe you hear or smell them before you see them)

I didnt realise it also includes what you notice online, but I usually recall pfps or urls but if someone changes both it may not be likely Id recognise them again unless their description or bio are intact

7- What's your eye color?

The body's eye color is very dark brown, some headmates have different eye colors in their actual form / how they really look, which is different from how the body looks

8- Scary movies or happy endings?

Depends on how its written, but usually happy endings bc we don't like scary movies as they can make us more anxious when its dark

9-Any talents?

Not sure if hobbies count, anyways nothing unusual ? Not sure what to put here bc everything feels like its either a hobby or just how the body is

10- Where were you born?

India

11- Hobbies?

Art (drawing, painting though we havent done that in a while)(mainly traditional art but want to do more digital art also), knitting, embroidery, watching media, sometimes photography (but less often bc it can be physically exhausting), coining terms and making flags digitally, sometimes cooking (though not often unless we need to bc its physically taxing), occasionally singing (but we don't often get to be alone at home so not often)

12- Do you have any pets?

In headspace, some headmates have pets, mainly bc their fictional source has one and theyre fictives. But we don't want to raise a pet bc we aren't capable of it and most headmates don't have the ability to feel affection for pets. Its similar to why we don't want to have kids.

13- How tall are you?

5 foot 4 is the bodys height, headmates ideal forms have different heights than that

14- Favorite subject in school?

Biology (one of my in sys partners calls me their 'biology nerd' its cute), and maybe English, because I do enjoy writing, oh and definitely Art (not talking about college here but anyways yeah)

15- Dream job?

I don't know if we have one tbh.. its a little hard to actually want to have a job, if it were possible we wouldnt even have one (universal basic income when?) and it seems a little fucked up if we think about what if things we enjoy doing became a job for ua bc wow that sounds stressful. For now we're going to just try to do our best in the field we're studying to be in, but I think maybe doing commissions for art or selling our art sounds doable, especially if I develop better art skills. I used to have an interest in wildlife biology but the bodys parents didn't approve (and so I couldnt pursue any study in that - it would have been difficult) and like I dont know how easily one can be a scientist and still be financially stable or even have a job, but our physical ability has also declined and the topic sort of triggers one of my ocd themes due to how ive seen some ppl talk about wildlife biologists / other naturalists, so its not feasible unless I somehow become able bodied or find a workplace w accomodations and actually get ocd cured somehow(similar applies for marine biology), and even then im not sure it would be worth the burnout.

no pressure tags : @strawbiraptora @sluttytylerdurden @annapoofle @disasterdemi @gehe-lihiyot-androgynos-varda @theconstellarium @gestaltsystem

@carebearbro

and anyone else who wants to do this

Saw this tag game on another post and thought I'd do it (idk if I've done it before, maybe something similar, but my answers will be different anyway)

1. Were you named after anyone?

Nope My chosen name (Allister) however, is from a youtuber who has a very cool name and I stole it (Alasdair Beckett-King, very funny videos and he has great hair too). I adapted it a bit so people in Spain would at least have an idea of how to pronounce it at first glance (hopefully) It has nothing to do with any Crowley (which I did not realize was a thing until recently), tho for a bit I named myself AJ like Good Omens Crowley, but I don't like how it sounds in Spanish...

2. When was the last time you cried?

Last month probably

3. Do you have kids?

No. And I don't want any. I don't dislike them, but it's not for me

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

Judo, karate and football (the indoors kind). All as a kid/teen. Now my brother and I walk every week day and go up and down stairs (when we remember...) One day I want to try to go to a gym to get some muscle, but not too much, just a bit of definition. Also, I'd enjoy doing rock climbing, but not competitive climbing or anything like that

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Sometimes

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Irl: the way they move their face and hands when they speak, which then I subconsciously use to recognize people, bc I'm a bit face blind Online: the way they choose to express themselves

7. What's your eye color?

Gray/light blue on the outside and artichoke green/lime on the inside

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

I like both, but I'd rather watch a happy ending. For scary things I prefer to watch Markiplier's scary games videos

9. Any talents?

I'm VERY good at jigsaw puzzles

10. Where were you born?

East of Spain, by some of the best Mediterranean coasts 😁. I enjoy it here, but one day I'd like to live in the UK, at least for a bit, I think I'd like it there

11. What are your hobbies?

Listening to music, singing, making art (crafting, building, drawing, painting, writing, ...), watching media (shows, panel shows, youtube, twitch), video games (rhythm/dancing, platformer, puzzle... Also minecraft, powerwash sim, potion craft...), going for walks, exercise, learning languages (especially English) If I had any good ones close, I'd go to theatres and museums too. And, if I had money, I'd travel. I'm also slowly learning about taking care of plants

12. Do you have any pets?

Not yet. I'd love to have dogs, cats, frogs, snakes... or anything really. I love animals. But I think cats and frogs would be the best fit for me, considering my personality and current lifestyle I've always wanted a dog, but I've only had a turtle and a hamster

13. How tall are you?

1.63m or 5’3”

14. Favorite subject in school?

Biology and technology

15. Dream job?

Anything that pays me enough to be independent and let me do all my hobbies Although, if I ever have the patience, base skill, and required mental fortitude, I'd go for general robotics and/or prop making (for film and/or theatre)

No pressure tags in no particular order (I tried to tag as many people as I could, but apparently there's a tag limit 😅):

@swamp-communism @they-thespian666 @strongsuits @skelesona @shinekittenace @yeetmewithachainsaw @rockium-z @gordonzola-ramen @vampireopossum @libraryfag @frostytheduck @tetostar @xyrnys @normalscientist @dolltwink @anxi0usgh0st05 @piersgender

@mettatonsass @sinfulauthor @flaretheidiot @sneebles-mcgee @pivotallemonade @aroace-genderfluid-snake @monstrousmaws @satanic-leaf @virtualunease @villowrose @handrazedsun @ceiltheoutcast @atroph1k @entropy-sea-system @abby-cat99928 @maroroque @galaxgay

@realyfroggyfrog @angrysheep @llamaflower @ultrabean @sea-salt-sky @queerestqueertoeverqueer @crowleys-queen @foolishlovers @cassieno @crowleys-hips @argylepiratewd @trianglebird4 @sugarplumanderson @underlilithswings21 @crowleys-bentley-and-plants @healingmyinnerteen

and anyone else that sees this, consider yourself tagged!

[mathieubellamont]

As a Hirrus Clutumnus stan I got to hear your 2 pieces on him. Also, as a mentally ill person, what are your thoughts on Shivering Isles? (There are parts I rlly vibe with but I understand a lot of it is played for laughs, and I've never had psychosis so idk how people who experience that feel about it. i can only see it from a depression/anxiety/ocd lense)

ooooooooo youre bringing in the REAL good questions here

Heads up for mentions of suicide and assisted suicide, oh and spoilers for an old as fuck game

So, for a long but necessary background, because if Im gonna talk on this i need to be explicit where I'm coming from regarding it, I have StPD AKA diagnosed shivering isles resident at psychiatrist disorder. That for me includes delusions and a lot of paranoia, perceptual hallucinations, magical thinking, highly spiritual angle to life... actually ironic this question comes in now bc my deity has been like. get into and talk about madness for a few days now. take that as an example if you want, including a lot of reading of signs and stuff. basically. talking to things that most people dont think can talk, eccentricity in thought processes and dress and speaking, issues speaking outloud bc words and sentences get jumbled/etc, and connecting the dots between things that aren't related (eg "if I turn this light on the grass outside will stop growing and the farmer will get mad"). Its... also relevant to answering this in a different way to say that Im autistic so... I kinda struggle with discerning the intent behind creating the Isles (like, as you said, being played for laughs) vs the homely feeling I personally get from it.

So yeah, tldr i fucking FEEL the isles, and i may not be the best at interpreting them right

On to the answer (under read more only bc its long)

Hirrus:

Oh man, seriously, as someone whos struggled with depression for a long ass time and..... relevant feelings...... I LOVE how brutally honestly Hirrus is approached. Actually that tends to be one of my favourite parts of how the Isles are approached in general, in that they don't shy away from the brutality of mental illness. Its not just "haha funny goofy land" its "bunch of people brought together by Issues" Like... I know the brutality is probably to show that Sheogorath is a DAEDRIC PRINCE not to be taken lightly (although i am SURE there were a lot of people struggling w mental issues on the Isles dev team who wanted to depict it like this for the sake of realism) but like... Mental illness as Im sure you get as a Hirrus Stan is not just quirky little things but something that devastates lives. It doesnt JUST do that but ill get to that in the overall isles opinion. I think no matter whether the developers are mentally ill or not, if theyre going to approach these topics there needs to be a level of "yep this is fucked up" - in a VERY specific way though. If Hirrus was played in a way that was about the HoK's horRor and suFferINg meeting Hirrus id be like. ew. but since youre literally just meeting someone going through SHIT in a fantasy world.... Oh, the fantasy world bit is super relevant. I think id have some issues with it if it was in our world - the whole hill of suicides thing is absolutely extremely relevant imo as to why this is not just acceptable but a great bit of storytelling. "The real world is dark and dangerous, help someone kill themselves"= dangerous DANGEROUS thing to put in a story. "Im going to show you how fucked up this fantasy world is, and its so fucked up that it turns helping someone kill themselves into a merciful and good bit of storytelling"= good. i like that. The way its implemented is really good storytelling IMO.

On the Isles themselves:

I think it boils down to... Theres a fine line to be walked when talking about mental illness, and even if its played for laughs, they still did it right. Well, i mean. For an old game.

Tbh?? I dont think mental illness, as i touched upon above, is just about devastation and loss and struggles, its also like.... A fantastic thing. I dont have a love-hate relationship w my StPD but a love-....babysit. relationship. Some days its awful like when im convinced bad triggering shit i wont mention is about to happen, somedays my perceptual hallucinations kick in and the world is suddenly oversaturated colours and burningly hi definition, somedays it really helps with grounded things in that i tend to be creative bc i can see reality in weird ways, or it helps (SOMETIMES) with divination and whatnot. But its always something less of a horror assigned to me and more of a confused seriously sight-impaired clone who cant see the world properly and i have to guide them around - StPD comes in between me and my ability to perceive the world around me. The whole display of the divided isles is, yes, a litttlleeee outdated bc i think its meant to partially reference bipolar disorder which, kinda gross thing to do but i guess understandable if you know fuck all about not insulting mentally ill people, and using words like dementia as an aesthetic is a little off-putting, but its so.... homely to have this stark acceptance that illness is a huge consuming SWAMP of a fuckin thing, twisted and dangerous, but also fantastical, inviting, super/post-real.... Mania is my fucking favourite area bc yeah. it approaches what life feels like when the good StPD Issues kick in. This divide also really shows how StPD and similar illnesses work, but colouring (pun intended given the colour schemes) your world view, and turning everyday things (trees, animals) into horrific, desolate things - or weird, beautiful, fantastical things because thats what it FEELS like. plus i think just because some of the devs intended to make this world in reference to a few things, doesnt mean the end product isnt an accurate portrayal of other things. Just because im sure some were like "oo lets use bipolar/dementia/etc for aesthetics" and got it wrong, doesnt mean its not an accurate depiction of other unrelated mental illnesses.

Thats a little subjective but.... on a different note. I think a HUGE thing that makes the Isles work for being a good/palatable depiction as opposed to a bad one is the fact that the Hero BECOMES SHEOGORATH. and the whole questline leading up where you BECOME a member of the isles and really get to know them is..... Is so so paramount to how this Works so it isnt just some zoo you stroll around. Youre either With the Isles AND their population or..... the questline isnt for you. Another HUGE thing is the fact that everyone just......... ugh how do i put this bc of course theres conflict between characters in the isles..... But it just feels like home having StPD where theres this place that everyone has their own thing going on and no one really condemns them for it, not in the way real life does, like. Ah. I guess id say it like: itd be boring as shit if every character was like "oh my GOD everyone around me is CRAZYYYY not ME though" like.... when you have groups of friends that are all Mentally Ill Luv x you can sort of relax and all be your own various shades of the rainbow you know?? Real life tends to see me have to train myself to act normal and not display illness symptoms bc im the odd one out for some reason. The Isles is..... So you know that study done showing how autistics struggle socially with non autistics but can get along fine together? Yeah reminds me of that, where NTs will condemn and belittle and other everyone with serious mental illness - and so if youre a NT youd think that NDs would do the same, just like non autistics think autistics couldnt communicate together - but it takes a level of insight into this to understand in a lot of our friend groups we.... dont fall apart, we actually start to understand each other as similar in different ways. We find other ways to have cohesive social groups without all being in touch with the same version of reality. Whether the devs meant the isles as thought out like that or "haha imagine people being sooooo crazy they dont even know other people are crazy" well, we wont know, but again - an inaccurate attempt to portray one thing can turn into an accurate way to portray another.

Plus, honestly.... There comes a point where, like the whole "theres no ethical consumption under capitalism" thing, I think it matters less the devs intentions and more how the consumer consumes it. If youre NT and like it? I think the issue is when its "haha weird ass crazy people funny, im so glad im not these dudes hey look at how stupid they are", but if youre approaching it like "damn this is a wacky place where people have some serious issues and im going to enjoy the storyline and the humour without treating it like a digital freak show" then i mean.... Idk. Not sure on that angle logically but I do know I dont have that jugdmental reaction to people enjoying it when they arent like the people depicted in the isles

Tldr: I like it. Its either well thought out or a bunch of happy accidents. I think that we can all argue/debate on the intent behind it? Which, if this was created by one singular person, would be EXTREMELY relevant, but since its a whooooole dev team IMO the individual intents matter a little less than the end product as an independent thing. And because of that, the fact that it feels so much like home to people like me, and because yes, it may be played for laughs, but a lot of it (Hirrus for one great example) really is not meant to be funny, and because youre MEANT to become a part of it (and therefore see these people as YOUR people), i think........ Its perfectly alright to really appreciate the isles and enjoy its depiction of people like me - i mean... Lets be honest here.... If it was inaccurate, you wouldnt have as many people on the schizospec and psychotic spec being like damn we love this as we do have

[h4ppy-kn1ght]

One through One hundred

LOL…ok i’ll do these first then EVERYTHINg else.

7. Do you have any pets?

Yes, I currently have one- it’s a three-legged dog named Baci.

13. What talents do you have?

I wouldn’t really say I do outside of casually drawing and food making

32. How big is your house?

It’s about 2,500 sqft - one floor so it’s ok but not really that big or spacious

Thanks for asking

—————————

1. What is you middle name?

NO NO NO

2. How old are you?

Early 20s

3. When is your birthday?

12/13

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Sagittarius

5. What is your favorite color?

Maroon usually

6. What’s your lucky number?

I can’t say I really have one tbh

7. Do you have any pets?

8. Where are you from?

Brazil (Rio)

9. How tall are you?

two inches above average for what I am

10. What shoe size are you?

7.0-7.5 US at most

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

At least in the double digits, hopefully not more than 25 pairs of shit?

12. What was your last dream about?

I actually don’t remember!

13. What talents do you have?

14. Are you psychic in any way?

No  lol

15. Favorite song?

I have several, mostly weird/niche

16. Favorite movie?

I have several, mostly weird/niche (yes its the same answer as 15)

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

I never thought about it because I don’t really know what I need.

18. Do you want children?

Alot of the time, not really- but I’m also too young/busy with myself to want it now

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Not really,unless my partner really wants it.

20. Are you religious?

Not really :/

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

A good amount of times

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Nope

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Not that I know of- at least the mainstream limelight sorta way.

24. Baths or showers?

Showers easily

25. What color socks are you wearing?

I’m not wearing any atm but the last pair i was wearing was like- black and white?

26. Have you ever been famous?

no….? 

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Depends for what reason but sure, why not

28. What type of music do you like?

Electronic, ambiance, indie, rock, musical-like kind of- really depends

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

no and i dont plan to lol

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

One.

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

Fetal/one my side or on my back usually, stomach too sometimes

32. How big is your house?

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Usually something with eggs and milk- I have been really inconsistent with what I eat for breakfast atm

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Yes 

35. Have you ever tried archery?

No 

36. Favorite clean word?

uhhh…? Cocoa? I dont know LOL

37. Favorite swear word?

Faggot

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

21 hours..? I was doing hw overnight.

39. Do you have any scars?

Very tiny amount but nothing noticeable unless you’re trying to find them actively

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? 

yeah.

41. Are you a good liar?

Not really

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Depends, wouldnt say I own the truth

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Not unless its bad so not really

44. Do you have a strong accent?

Some people have told me I have one but i dont think so

45. What is your favorite accent?

I wouldnt say I have a favorite its not something I care about actively- I know the ones I dont like though.

46. What is your personality type?

I dont really know I feel like people have a different perspective of that and idk who i really am usually

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

I had a jacket from Ferrari but idk what happened to it- not sure 

 48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Thankfully innie

50. Left or right handed?

Right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

No

52. Favorite food?

I almost never have a problem with milk-related food

53. Favorite foreign food?

Alot ..? really depends on my mood but sushi usually works for me

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

I’m personally very hygienic and my room imo is well kept- not OCD organized but theres nothing on the floor  and it has a sense of order

55. Most used phrased?

Really can change so idk - just depends on the season really

56. Most used word?

uh/idk/fuck/shit i think is what i abuse

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Really depends but assuming im showering and trying to look nice about 45 mins at worst?

58. Do you have much of an ego?

No

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck and then bite when its too small

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Rarely and its usually about shit i need to do- thats it really

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Not USUALLy  but yeah

62. Are you a good singer?

no lol

63. Biggest Fear?

Failing 

64. Are you a gossip?

depends but yeah i can be sometimes

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

idk I thought inception was very dramatic

66. Do you like long or short hair?

Depends, if the long hair isnt well kept/cleaned it might as well be short imo

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Probably not because I forget most of them

68. Favorite school subject?

P.E

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Introverted 

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Yes, I dont care for it

71. What makes you nervous?

Being shat on I guess and treated poorly or anything that’ll fuck me over

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Depends, if the area has sharp objects/cockroaches, creepy noises yeah

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Depends but usually no unless it really bothered me or they want to hear me

74. Are you ticklish?

Depends but yeah i dont like being tickled it is not comfy

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

No lol

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Not really

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Barely 

78. Have you ever done drugs?

No

79. Who was your first real crush?

Some ginger who literally had ODD and hurt me badly after I showed interest back

80. How many piercings do you have?

one pair is closed up , so just one pair.

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

Yeah

82. How fast can you type?

Id say above average , probably enough to type for a job or something

83. How fast can you run?

I have no idea tbh

84. What color is your hair?

Dirty blonde/almost brown

85. What color is your eyes?

Greyish seagreenish blue

86. What are you allergic to?

Nothing as far as I know

87. Do you keep a journal?

No

88. What do your parents do?

They’re both in the medical field

89. Do you like your age?

Idk not really? so far its lame?

90. What makes you angry?

Some shit i aint gonna talk about, but in a more personal sense usually being shat on, lied to upfront, etc

91. Do you like your own name?

It’s ok ..? idk if it deeply reflects me

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

Not really LOL

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

With how shit the world is idk , seems like an L either way and im scared of having an ugly one

94. What are you strengths?

Id say I can tolerate more than normal people and my patience can be really plentiful usually. I dont get easily offended even if i dont agree usually

95. What are your weaknesses?

I think people influence my mood throughout the day, which really sucks, im also sensitive and i feel excluded usually

96. How did you get your name?

My mom thought it was a strong name

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

No

98. Do you have any scars?

39 already asked this, cringe

99. Color of your bedspread?

Grey :)

100. Color of your room?

Very tinge of color but it looks pretty much grey and expresso minus the lil decor everywhere…

thank yuo

[his-grapejuice]

actually this is getting a little OCD lemme start a new post and tag them appropriately OK NOW

(this post is not sponsored by levi even though i hc that he has mild OCD) triggering stuff utc lmosoaoao

im not clean because i have ocd. im generally a clean person, with or without my ocd. and most of the time, my ocd doesnt affect my cleaning. it affects other things like taking multiple incredibly hot baths and obsessive hoarding of specific things and randomly tapping the bench thrice and checking up on my friend at 3 am just because.

but when ocd triggers my cleaning tendencies, you can tell. because my ocd cleaning and usual cleaning is different, and my behaviour is different. and my ocd cleaning is obviously more... thorough? and tbh even i prefer my ocd cleaning to my usual cleaning bc im so hyperfocused and overall. nice.

brO you dont understand that these compulsions arent good for me and not encourage it. and yes I KNOW its bad for me. but if youre like "oh your room is so much cleaner than usual." or "your mirror is so shiny." it WILL trigger smth in me. and it takes everything for me to fight those compulsions. and whilst most of the time i dont let it actually affect me, id rather not. go through the effort.

[askluxnovalibra]

Part 1 Hey can you please help me, I'm a libra sun sag moon scorpio venus and mercury (and dominant) and nobody has really seen me cry or sensitive and I feel like nobody rly knows me except for my brother, cousin, and two closest friends... but they kinda suck at opening up too, and my brother has enough psychological problems. I always get perfectly along with scorpios and capricorns and yin moons bc i understand how underrated and misinterpreted their suffer and pain are

Part 2 And there are these two friends: sag suns with scorpio/pisces moon… and they are so omg im sorry but its so freaking painful. They both have their problems but they both are so fckin shallow seriously. The pisces moon just doesnt understand what life is and is brutally ingenuous. And scorpio moon is such a b**** rly. She has a tough backstory her brother has always been a jerk (he’s mentally ill) And i though she would be great bc she always says she understands pain and etc.Part 3 And here comes the deal: I have been exposed to mentally ill ppl, ocd hysterical and completely evil people who happened to be my beloved family. At 14 I stopped having them and found out they were everything I didn’t expect them to be. I lost my whole childhood (wich happened to be my basic reason to live). At 15 I went to a sports school. They were our friends, we trusted them. One year goes by and once again I am betrayed by my friends and fall on the ground.Part 4 Then, comes the BEST part. As ive said im a scorpio venus. I fell in love at first sight with a boy that totally corresponded. Small detail: he had a gf. He now broke up with her so thats kinda nice (not to sound mean, rly) for me but whatever; I was 15 and I had been betrayed by everyone. At 16 I was dead inside. I didn’t get attached i didnt live i didnt like to be even awake i cries everyday before school and after school and before going to bed.Part 5 I even got to a point of cutting my arms bc i enjoyed knowing the pain i was going through was actually real and not “sumthin you have to go through, its life.” I met the scorpio moon. At first she seemed awesome. Until getting upset at the smallest thing. Im a scorpio dominant and i know i dont need to be like that. I know she just does this because shes immature and has no clue of life. Im sorry im doing this long ask but rly i need help. No one literally no one knows this.Part 6 No one knows i cry no one knows i ever even cut my arms. And no one even notices. Thank god tbh. No one knows and imagines what it is to cry and scream and DIE for a dude you don’t even know. I know it sounds exaggerated but its the truths. I cant fall in love with anybody else since im 15 and im 17 (turning 18 this year) I live in a house ik im moving out of but i dont know when. I live with my mom in my grandmothers and she is also mentally ill. My mom too is always mentally unstablePart 7 She’s been through everything no one should go through. My dad is f****d up with this house and always hides very well we actually don’t have lots of money. My brother is an amazing soul an exceptional person who fell in love almost 5 years ago and still has anxiety bc of what happened (he didn’t know her too) and has too many psychological problems. I’m stuck with myself and no one seems to understand. I’m so sorry for this post. I’m so, so sorry. It’s just I’m done. I’m tired of pplPart 8 Im tired of ppl making me cry Of ppl being shallow Ppl hurting me and seeing me as A B*TCH I just need someone that actually knows. That actually can tell me they understand me and they too hate it all like me. Im so sorry and thank you for having the patience to read this. ❤️💖———————————————————–

It sounds like you’re going through a really challenging time in your life. I know it can seem endless, and it can seem like everyone is out to get you. Once you feel betrayed, it can be hard to trust people again. It is all too easy to be stuck in our own extreme emotions. After losing faith in someone, it’s tempting to write off everyone in your life as fake, shallow, and naive. Constantly replaying the betrayal in your mind will only do you harm. It’ll only make you more angry and more likely to adopt the “me against the world” type of attitude. You’re 17. You’re still young. You still have a long life ahead of you, and it would be remiss of you to go through life with that sort of attitude. You’ve been wronged, and it is alright to acknowledge that, but you must now think about the situation with your heart, perhaps not so much with your heart. The heart can be easily mislead, easily angered, easily fooled, easily spiteful, easily misguided. Consider moving into a stage of forgiveness. Forgiveness in this sense is not saying that those people’s actions were ok, forgiveness is more for your own sake. Start to detach yourself from the pain those actions caused you. Continuing to obsess over the transgressions of others will hinders your own progress. If the wound is to ever heal, you must stop picking at the scab. Let yourself move on. One way you can do that is to write everything down (as you have bravely shared with me, a stranger) on a piece of paper. Write out every hurt, every frustration, everything that keeps you up at night. Then tear it up, burn it, or throw it away. It clears the energy. It’s no longer a problem, it’s out of your head, and you are free to move on. Detach yourself from people you can’t trust. If they’re actively causing drama or unpleasantness, leave the situation. If you can, slowly stop reaching out to them, or say you don’t feel like hanging out. If you want closure, you could meet up with the, to talk. It’s harder when they’re your family members because you can’t really escape them, but you can still with them and talk out your problems. You can say “I’m having a hard time understanding why you did this …” or “I’m confused about this situation…” or “I felt hurt when this happened…”. You must also realize that most people aren’t complete bad. In a lot of what you described, I couldn’t help but think that perhaps some of those people aren’t actively out to get you. I think you may be too close to the situation. I would advise you to get an outside perspective. You reached out to me, and that is a great start, but I only have a limited understanding of the situation, and only from your perspective. I think the best course of action is to seek real, professional help. As someone who harms themself and who is surrounded by the effects of mental illness, I would seriously consider seeking out a therapist or counselor. I am not a professional. I do not know you personally, and so the advice I can offer is very limited. Seeking someone who has gone to school for psychology will be able to help you much more than I can. It is brave of you to share this, and it’s a good sign that you’re willing to reach out to others. Consider asking for professional’s help in your area. Likely your school has access to counselors and can refer you to a full-time therapist.

I really do wish you the best 🌸

[wern]

tw fuckin uuuhhhhhhhh.. pedophilia, ptsd, ocd, pocd, csa

likes are v appreciated if you read it but not required?

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so not to be all welcome to my twisted mind or anything but i was walking home just now and suddenly started laugh/crying bc i thought about how with all the weird bad horrifying shit that my brain makes me think it's kind of amazing that i still.. exist? like most people dont actually understand ocd, but it makes you think about about your worst nightmares over and over again and then makes you feel guilty for thinking about them.. as if you wanted to think about it. ive been having breakdowns thinking i was a pedophile since i was in the fifth grade just because i liked kids my age instead of adults. how does a 10 year old confess to anyone that they're worried they're going to be a pedophile lmao??.. they don't

so ive just been dealing with this shit my whole life. i regularly have trauma dreams about having sex with my parents, and wake up feeling like reality took a step to the left. and then i get up, carry on, answer the phone if they call me, and pretend like im fine, cause.. what else am i gonna do lol? kill myself?

anyway i dont even think ill ever be able to talk about everything, even to a therapist, without sugarcoating it. ive gotten used to talking vaguely about this stuff, enough that sometimes ill mention it to a friend and not remember how disturbing it is until they start distancing themself from me afterwards. i definitely shouldnt be posting this online but like. idk it's therapeutic.

im not sure what the point of this post was tbh but i was just thinking about it, especially since my abnormal psych lectures on ocd and ptsd. i used to think i just had anxiety and depression, but now im sure i have ptsd, depression, and ocd. i think i maybe dont actually have anxiety or adhd. which is really weird considering they're the only things i have official diagnoses for? i have informal confirmation of depression and ocd from my therapist, but there wasn't really a point in doing the paperwork. and i never talked enough about my ptsd stuff with her for her to know about that. even though she was the one that called the cops on my stepdad for sexually abusing me so i think she really should have asked more questions about it

[notconsolation]

what's a song that's touched your heart recently? describe one of your best friends in great detail (and maybe tag them if they have a tumblr). list three foods that you like that most other people don't like. what's your favorite weather? do you celebrate halloween? have you ever met an animal that probably wasn't an animal, but a spirit in disguise? tell me about a memory that makes you feel calmness.

-so uh actually I was listening to the whole of Ranbow earlier and crying goddamnit Kesha i love you I’m waiting for my spaceship too. But a song that’s actually gone deeper than that recently is 3WW by Alt-J. So i know they’re generally seen as a bit pretentious and too wavey and all, but i honestly find their music so relaxing and interesting/pleasant to let play into my ear, especially on buses.

one of my best friends…… hmmm. okay. she doesnt have tumblr. She’s of a vastly fluctuating height (sometimes a good deal taller than me, other times very small) and I’ve known her for 14 years. We grew apart briefly and then back together. She talks to me about musicals and anxiety and OCD, i talk to her about eating disorders and abstractions and nostalgia. I introduced her to A Very Potter Musical when we were 9 and we spent all night watching it and doing quizzes under the blanket on her sister’s bed. Her sister was out at a party or something. I have so many small memories about her. I wrote my first song about her. I don’t remember most of it but there’s a part that goes: If you need to check the door I’ll have the key, and if you’re scared of numbers i can lick your feet, and if you need to shout we’ll find an empty street. I could gush about my friends all day tbh. theyre all amazing. all of you.

1: black liquorice, 2: raisins, 3: kale (i dont know, are these really that controversial? i probably like weirder stuff. send me foods and ill tell you if i like them. idk. that sounds like a youtuber thing)

warm rain

not really? i wish, though. I want to carrrrrve pumpkinssss and gett candyy

probably. id say in particular theres this one cat that used to live down the road. now i say cat. this cat was….. royal. i swear. his name was Haakon and he was a sight to behold. I feel like he was a prince of some realm unknown and i hope he finds his way home one day if he so desires. god he was majestic. wow

staying up all night watching bootleg musicals on youtube with that friend. its such a warm place to go back to. especially when we did that in winter because her house was right on the edge of the forest at the top of a hill and they always got snow and their house was always warm, so we’d talk through the night and then, with the boundless energy of children, get up, have hot chocolate, feed her rabbits, and go outside and play in the snow 

[bookahdoit]

I just thought I'd finally share this. I'm an undiagnosed Aspie ( someone with Asperger's syndrome or ASD ), I've had this speculation for a long time now and have actually made an "about me" list. I'll be seeking a formal diagnosis hopefully next week. The thought of it is killing me or rather, making me really apprehensive that people might see me as just ""seeking attention"". It's nerve-racking tbh.

I always felt I was different, felt like this was more than just being anti-social ; something I was teased for during high school. Making friends is difficult even though someone would advice me to just be more “social” I still don’t understand how.

I avoid small conversation and eye contact, I would look at the person’s lips or mostly just shift my gazes to the side or whatever’s behind them. Why? IDK, looking into someone's eyes feels awkward and invasive. If I do talk, I am soft spoken but I don’t think I’m monotonous? I do have a low voice though. I go “off” when there’s too much social interaction a.k.a a shut down, I feel weary and just want to retreat somewhere I’m familiar with.

I love puns but some jokes, I need context to. People misunderstand me most of the time. I rehearse what I have to say so I won't screw up but I think I do. This is why I reply slow during IMs ahaha not because I'm ignoring you but because I gotta say things right, and why I don’t like RPing over IMs. I get really pressured and anxious.

I stim, yes, I rub my fingers together when I'm nervous, I pick at the skin on my lip, around my nails & at scabs, sometimes unaware I'm doing it. ( sorry this could be really disgusting to some ). I stare into space and talk to myself. out loud. in public. Sometimes even laugh when I remember something funny, which probably weird people out. I get upset when people touch my stuff and place it somewhere else.

I’m a visual learner! I prefer images over texts but when there’s too much happening in one picture, I get overwhelmed. Like, in video-games, they have this new compass implemented rather than a mini map. I HATE IT! and it messes me big time because there are so many things happening in one straight line hovering above the screen, it took me a while to understand how it works but I still hate it and wish they bring back the mini map.

Emotions are hard for me to express. I’d probably say “ oh this food’s great !” with a blank expression. but I CAN read people, so yeah I can tell if someone’s being fake or not. But I can't read body language well.

When I was a kid, my mum would say that I’m sensitive and weird. The voices of people around me tend to go faster in my head back then, it still happens at present but not as often. Did that make sense? I have a sensitive sense of smell, I hate flowers’ scents, for example.

I had meltdowns and just explode into tantrums. As I grew older those meltdowns lessen, but as an adult I can be very irritable. Remembering those episodes is really embarassing btw.

Obsessions or "Special interests" include: Vampires, Figures, Bill Willingham’s Fables, Deadpool, Pokemon & the Nintendo 2ds & 3ds line. I have a whole collection of vampire books, lore and history related ( I obsess over Vlad the Impaler haha! ), while Deadpool merch litter my room. I get very excited about vampires the most. Example: Overwatch has a new halloween event, they have 3 vampire related skins and I need & want to get them all! I was also very excited and giddy at the theory of a blood moon vamp brawl lmao. As for the Nintendo 3ds thing, I buy all variations of it when I can, I don’t specifically play a lot of games there, I just love how it looks and how the buttons feel? I still have to get the new 2ds XL,the texture on the cover looks sleek!  Pokemon has been an obsession since I was a kid! I have the cards, the games and some merch.

I’m also very addicted to video games since I was a kid but that seems very common even to neurotypical people... right? I LOVE videogames! And enjoy watching video game related content on youtube too, not just playthroughs but news and stuff like that. The latest titles,consoles and how those games were developed.

Low key feel that I hold a special interest in Adam, my OC. I am obsessed with drawing him, I research a lot for him more than my other OCs and I get very carried away with questions and memes. Possibly because he's a lesser known vampire species ( an amalgamation of the aswang and the strigoi ). May just be favouritism but I dont know, feels different. *Oh yeah! here’s a trivia: Gabriel, his son, is an Aspie lmao. He wasn’t easy to write though.

I overshare or provide too much information especially when it’s something I’m really passionate about (as seen above).

Do fidget toys work on me? LMAO yes, some do! it keeps me from picking at my skin mostly, they also work as sensory toys so there’s that. I like the fidget cube and have a couple of fidget spinners but I need a specific feel for it, like the center has to have this indentation for your thumb,  it just feels right for me somehow.

Growing up undiagnosed is pretty difficult especially in an environment where mental health is taboo where people claim that I'm seeking attention or in our language 'papansin'. For reference: I'm turning 25 and have scored a whopping 163/200 on an AQ test scoring above average on ASD and OCD, while my neurotypical results were below average 52/200. Of course I have to seek a psych for a formal diagnosis. But you know whats worse? being an aspie AND having depression RIP

[marcelock]

Marcel! I was wondering if you could use your kinning powers for a good cause and tell me what you think Sherlock would get on the Myers Briggs assessment. Or what you got if you've taken it. I've honestly been thinking about it all day and I keep running in circles, especially over judging vs. perceiving. I honestly can't decide and so I can't follow the train of thought to it's conclusion and it's just. Driving me mad. But I would absolutely take your opinion as fact if you have one.

idk if i can help because i took it multiple times and got different things and frankly dont believe in it as a truly set personality determinate and tbh i think sherlock would feel exactly the same mdsghsdfkjghdsg i mean im torn in thinking hed think astrology was fake but maybe thinking this was more real because theres an actual test and qualities but IDK...but like going on the criteria itself, ill try and make a deduction? (i dont know shit about like the stereotypes about each one (i dont even know how people who make memes about them can remember them all like kjdfhgldfg WOW kudos to them at least)) im just going by what i can find online & what i remember from psych 101 last year ok so:Extrovert, definitely. these are all based on work related things and sherlock is very much the one going FAST LOUD AND CENTER OF ATTENTION in his line of workokay here’s where mbti is fake to me- he’s both sensing AND intuition! that’s like, the entire crux of his line of work, he uses his senses and then he intuits from that. if i absolutely have to pick one im gonna say N for intuition but imo i dont think you can parse sherlock’s intuition and sensing from his method of workingI’m gonna go ahead and sat T for thinking, though there is an element of personal moral in sherlock’s decisions and the way he operates that is in the feeling category (again also im applying this to the way he works since thats what mbti is for)definitely gonna say P for the last one because as much as sherlock is OCD/Autistic and probably likes rules i think he likes his OWN personal rules and overall likes to be more spontaneous which is why he lives his life the way he does, as a freelance detective (though apparently this question is aimed at the like outside part of life buuuuuuut his life and work are pretty intertwined *cough* john *cough*)so my final verdict is ESTP/ENTP ! i hope that helps whatever you were going for ? also i used this chart to help me- and the ESTP one sounds especially true to sherlock 

[pixiesticksie]

3, 5, 6, 9, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 19, 22, 27, 29, 30, 31, 33, 34, 35, 36, 38, 40, 42, 43, 44, 53, 55, 56, 57 (only if ur comfy!!), 59, 60, 63, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 71, 72 (only if ur comfy!!), 74, 87, 91, 94, 99, 102, 108, 111, 114, 119, 129, 131, 134, 137, 138, 139, 142, 143, 145, 148, 149, 150, 154, 155, 156, 157, 167, 168 ((i tried sending this once but i dont think it sent)) ((sorry for all the questions i was just rly curious!!

Oh my gosh. I’ve got my work cut out for me. Thank you though omg

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? 

Does pyjamas constantly count? Or, or, the boyfriend clothes that Yoongi wears.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:

@/savejin2k16 @/kasperquinn @/backseatofthetourbus probably.

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Caution; short and clingy

9: Are you ticklish?

I’m extremely ticklish. Like,, tickle me and I laugh so hard I cry. I’m so ticklish. Everywhere.

11: What’s your sexuality?

Pansexual~

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

Oh my gosh. I love all three. But my favourites are probably coffee, then tea, then cocoa

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

I have two dogs and a cat and I literally go up to every animal I meet and I pat their heads and tell them they look nice today. I’m just an animal person

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?

MERPERSON I HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH THE LITTLE MERMAID MY ROOM IS DECORATED WITH THE LITTLE MERMAID I ONCE DYED MY HAIR ARIEL RED I LOVE MERMAIDS

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? 

jacksfilms. but of course I love love love markiplier, dan and phil, ryan higa, etc.

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

I do! Always. c:

22: Pet peeves?

Never bite into an apple around me or I swear to god I will rip your teeth out

27: Any phobias or fears?

Heights, spiders, not being able to breathe, losing loved ones

29: Do you believe in reincarnation?

I’d like to~ I don’t know if I fully do, but I really love the idea!!

30: Favorite movie?

...The Little Mermaid

31: Do you get scared easily?

Yes actually lol. Jumpscares and stuff, especially irl. But omg I love horror and gore

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]

12/10

34: What is a color that calms you?

Light and rich purples

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

Daegu, South Korea or Seoul, SK. Ireland. Canada. Those types of places.

36: Where were you born?

In a lil old town that I live near now. US is all I’m giving you~

38: Introvert or extrovert?

Ambivert!

40: Hugs or kisses?

BOTH. ALL. AHHH.

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

@/savejin2k16 @/kasperquinn @/backseatofthetourbus... also Min Yoongi

43: Any piercings you want?

Nose and more ear piercings. I only have 5 piercings now on my ears.

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

I love them. So much. I’m planning on some for myself.

53: How are you feeling right now?

Sleepy as hell

55: When did you feel happiest?

When I first got into BTS and started biasing Min Yoongi...

56: Something that calms you down?

Min Yoongi...

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

I have pretty severe diagnosed anxiety, like a lot of different kinds. I have diagnosed clinical ocd, diagnosed depression, and diagnosed ptsd. I take medication for them though!

59: What three words describe you the most?

short, smiley, inlovewithminyoongi

60: Do you believe in evolution?

Of course?? whoops sorry catholics I grew up as one of you but no thanks

63: Favorite kind of person:

Lets me be my weird ass self and loves me for it

65: Name three of your favorite blogs.

... @/savejin2k16 @/kasperquinn @/backseatofthetourbus

66: Favorite emoticon:

purple heart!! and the whale with the little water comin out of its blowhole

67: Favorite meme:

what in tarnation and me me big boy

68: What is your MBTI personality type?

Mediator? (INFP-T)? I’ve never actually heard of this before!

69: What is your star sign?

Aquarius!!

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?

My band t-shirts and combat boots and jeans with a beanie tbh

72: Post a selfie or two?

Maybe..? If anyone really wants to see me

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

I’m very...short. and holy shit I love gore

87: Do your socks always match?

They never match

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?

Cherry blossoms!! I’m planning a sakura tree tattoo!

92: A store you hate?

Umm... This CVS near my house. Specifically that one.

99: Someone you look up to:

Min Yoongi lol

102: Where do you live?

The USA! freedom! (it sucks here omf)

108: Something you get paranoid about?

People secretly hating me but pretending they like me

111: A question you hate being asked?

“Have you even tried to get rid of your acne?” Yes. For fucking years now. Get off.

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

I like sunny days that aren’t too bright. but cloudy days if I go for a walk/run

119: Favorite thing about a person:

Being cute because everyone is cute tell everyone theyre cute they like it

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?

...Well, fuck.

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

I obsess over things easily. I love it because it makes me happy but I don’t like the way it annoys others, so I try and keep it contained

134: Do you like roller coasters?

NO OMG NO YOU CANT THEYRE SO HIGH AHHHHHHH

137: Do you believe in karma?

Not really? Kinda? But I’m not focused on it. Like if its real its real idk

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?

I’ll go with a solid 5 or 6. But I know @/savejin2k16 would say more

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

Oh gosh, okay, um... Hann, Ami, Amity, Hann Hann, Pip, Bunny, Bun, Teddy Bear, Bear, fluff, smol one, red, Ariel, cheeky, monkey, sunshine, mochi, etc, etc, etc... I respond to them all still

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

if im being honest im pretty much a ball of sunshine who never judges anyone and wants everyone happy. take that as you will

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

Giving!! Ahh! It makes me feel so good! Please come to me if you need help, I love it!!

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?

Fluently? Um.. English, obviously. I’m almost fluent in Spanish, and I’m learning Korean

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: 

My eyes! They’re grey and shine a light blue in the light and dark, rich blue in other lights

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

How excited I get over little things. It’s genuine. “Ami, there’s a bunny over-” “*breaks down into tears* BUNNIES ARE SO PRECIOUS I HAVE TO TELL IT THAT IT’S DOING ITS BEST WHERE IS IT”

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

@/savejin2k16 @/kasperquinn @/backseatofthetourbus ....ANDYOONGI

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

Of course. I’m very touchy feely and if my friends are sad, I say “comforting forehead kiss?” and they nod and I’ll give them a little forehead kiss and pat their cheek and tell them they’re doing a good job

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

Mhm!! It’s fun. And I love when people play with mine too! It always makes me sleepy.

156: What embarrasses you?

My voice, my bad acne, my tum. Those things.

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

People talking about me or secretly hating me. And when I can’t check on my friends!! I need to know they’re okay and happy :c

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

I think I’d like to know! But I’m not overly focused on it. c:

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

I do! It’s nice, and I like how my eyes look with eyeliner, it brings them out. I’m also irish so I’m naturally very rosy and blushy and I like the even skin tone I get from makeup. Also, the acne. But it’s only on rare occasions I actually wear it, since I’m pretty bad at it and I’m just comfortable without it

Wah.. that took so long oml