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siampie · 3 months

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Risk and Reward||Chapter 9: Like Real People Do

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.7k

Summary: Just fluffy moments between you and Matt.

Warnings/tags: lots of fluff and a hint of angst.

A/N: Sorry for the late update, life had been hectic lately. And also been dealing with some face pain due to a wisdom tooth. Commentaries and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

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Masterlist || join my taglist

Tag list: @marytheweefrenchie; @sunflowersandsapphires; @abbyhaslongshorts; @schneeflocky; @danzer8705;

@ebathory997; @sarraa-26; @cheshirecat484; @rebeccapineapple; @msjb2002

Dividers by @cafekitsune

Song the title is referring to:

I had a thought, dear, however scary

About that night, the bugs and the dirt

Why were you digging? What did you bury

Before those hands pulled me from the earth?

I will not ask you where you came from

I will not ask and neither should you

Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips

We should just kiss like real people do

The soft music filled your apartment while you hummed, swaying lightly, to the song. Enjoying one of those rare moments where you felt in the mood to cook a full meal for yourself. The pan singing as the freshly cut vegetables were frying in the hot oil. You added the broccoli to the stir-fry you were cooking, your eyes caught sight of the numerous drawings on your fridge. They had been made with love by your nieces and nephews. Your goddaughter, now 6, were also learning how to write now. So, of course, some of drawings were now accompanied with love notes.

“Je t’aime, Marraine.” (I love you, Godmother.)

The words were misspelled, and she still needed to get a grasp on grammar. But every time you read the words; you felt your heart swell with love. And the few times she came to visit you, she was proud to see her pictures on your fridge. And she and her siblings, and her cousin, drew more of those stick figure, knowing their arts would find room on your fridge and walls.

The shrill sound of your ringtone pulled you out of your thoughts.

“Ah, you’ve reached the procrastination hotline. Please hold…indefinitely.” You answered the call.

“How many of those do you have?” Your sister’s voice came from the other end of the line.

“As many as I need.” You shot back. “So, what’s up?”

“I need to vent,” she declared.

“About?”

“Our brother; Henry.” She dramatically sighed.

“I’m listening,” you puffed out a long breath.

“So, you know how he decided to let mom have access to his kids,” she started. You hummed, “well, now, his in-laws are getting involved and asking me, why don’t I want mom anywhere near my boy?”

“How is that any of their concerns? It’s your kid, you get to decide who’s in his life or not. Why are they getting involved?” You asked quite angrily, you never liked your brother’s in-laws. They were quite nosy people, always wondering when you were going to have kids, while your own father just let you live your life at your own pace.

“Oh, that��s not even the best part,” Ann continued. “They think it would be beneficial for my son to meet his maternal grandmother. Can you believe that?”

“I can believe they haven’t been hit enough in their lives, that I can believe.” You replied, your sister chuckled. “No one cares what they think. Axel is your son, and you are his mother. If you don’t want our mother to meet him, it is your decision. And frankly, bad parents don’t get to be grandparents. So, I’d say don’t let her meet your little boy.”

“Thank you,” she exclaimed. “I thought I was going crazy over here.”

“You’re not, don’t worry,” you reassured her. “And I’m fairly certain, Dee would agree with me.” You killed the fire under the pan, “what did Henry say to that?”

“Nothing. As usual.” Ann scoffed, “Didn’t defend my decision or even tried to explain to them why I wouldn’t want that.”

“It doesn’t need explaining, they know our story. It’s quite understandable why you wouldn’t,” you leaned your elbows on your counter. “Do you want me to give him call?”

“No, it won’t be necessary,” she told you. “I just needed to know I wasn’t alone in this.”

“You’re not,” you assured her. “Just to let you know, if you do decide to let her see little Axel, I won’t be mad. I’ll support you no matter what, you know that right?”

“I know,” she sighed. “Would you?” she questioned you, “would you let her in?”

“No,” your answer was firm. “Never again. Do you want to let her in?”

“No,” Ann was a firm as you in her answer. “She doesn’t deserve it.”

“Exactly,” you nodded. “Don’t let them get into your head. They’re not your in-laws, so, their opinions don’t really matter.”

“You’re right,” she agreed. “So, whatcha doin’?”

“Cooking some stir-fry, and then some netflix and chill—or maybe some video games, haven’t decided yet.”

“Oh, come on!” Ann groaned, “It’s Friday night, you’re single. You should be out there having fun, meeting new people. Do this for me, let me live vicariously through you. Please!”

You huffed out a laugh. She had yet to know about Matthew. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to share him with your family, you did. You wanted them to know about the new man in your life. You wanted them to share in your happiness. However, you were just very protective of your relationship with Matt. You wanted to keep him for yourself a little while longer.

But this was your sister. Your first ever best friend. It didn’t seem fair to hide it from her. Not when she came to you first, after she had said yes to her, then, fiancé.

“Well,” you started, “it’s been a very long week. And I didn’t feel like socializing tonight.”

“Typical,” Ann snorted.

There was a knock on your door. “And who said I was single?” Your feet made no sound as you quietly walked towards your door.

“You have a boyfriend!” She squealed, “tell me everything.”

You shook your head while pulling your door open, revealing Matt on the other side.

His tie was loose and crooked around his neck, his dark and soft locks, a mess on his head. A grin was plastered on his face, your lips tugging up at the corner, mirroring his.

“Hi, sweetheart,” he greeted you. You caught the smell of Josie’s stale beer in his breath as he leaned in to rest a soft kiss on your lips.

“Hey, Matty.”

“He calls you ‘sweetheart,’” your sister’s voice rose from your phone, reminding you that she was still on the line with you. “What’s his name?”

“Matt,” you answered quickly as Matt let himself into your apartment. “I’ll be right with you, okay?” He nodded with a smile, shedding his coat.

“So, that’s you meant by Netflix and chill, uh?” You sister teased,

“No, I genuinely meant Netflix and chill,” you hissed at her as you watched Matt sit down on your couch.

“No one means Netflix and chill when they say Netflix and chill,” Ann told you. “It’s what my husband and I get up to when baby’s with grandma.”

“Nope,” you shook your head. “I don’t need to hear about that. Absolutely not,”

“Alright, sorry,” she chuckled. “I’ll let you join your beau, but first tell me the basics. What’s his name? What does he do in life? And how hot is he? And most importantly, how long have you been dating?”

You looked up, your eyes landing on the back of Matt’s head. “Alright, basics,” you turned around and leaned against your counter. “His name is Matthew Murdock. He’s a lawyer and has his own firm. He is blind and very—very hot. And sweet as honey. And it’s been—almost four months.”

“Almost four months? And you kept it from me?”

“Says the girl who only told us she was pregnant at the six months mark?” You reminded her.

“It’s not my fault, the props I needed to make the big announcement took too long to be delivered.” She defended herself, “when do we get to meet him?” Ann questioned excitedly.

“Not yet, I don’t want you to scare him away.”

“We won’t, I promise,” your sister said, her voice going a little higher.

“We’ll see about that,” you snorted. “Look, I gotta go. My boyfriend’s over.”

“Okay,” she retorted. “Go Netflix and chill, ‘all night long,’” she sang the last part.

“Alright—bye bye.” You said before hanging up.

You put your phone on the counter, heaving out a deep breath. You had not lied to your sister, you didn’t feel like socializing with anyone that night, so, you opted out of your usual hangout at Josie’s. You walked up to the couch where Matt had settled in, waiting for you patiently. Leaning over the back of the couch, you put your arms around his shoulders and laid a kiss on his cheek. His hands came up, his fingers wrapping around your forearms.

“Not that I’m not glad to see you,” you started, “I’m very glad to see you but aren’t you supposed to be at Josie’s with the others?”

“I’ve been looking forward to spend some time with my girlfriend, and she doesn’t show up,” Matt said quietly.

“I did warn you,” you told him, one of your hands raking through his hair.

“I know,” he gave a pleased hum, “I thought I skipped on the hangout and come and find you here,” your lips tugged up at the corner. “I just missed you,” Matt admitted, pulling your arm away from around his shoulders, to rest a kiss on your wrist.

A soft smile made its way onto your face, “I missed you too.” His lips found yours, kissing yours in a weird angle over the back of the couch. You pulled away, “do you want some food? I cook a really mean stir-fry. Or so, I’ve been told.”

You later found yourself lying in bed, with Matt’s nose buried in your neck. His body was draped over yours, not crushing you under his weight. His weight on top of yours felt comforting, you loved feeling the way he was relaxing under your touch. You wanted to ravish him here and there, but you were enjoying this cuddle session too much to put a stop to it, in favor of mind-blowing sex. One of his hands found its way under your shirt,

“Long week?” He asked quietly.

“Yeah,” you replied in the same manner. “My workload has sort of doubled, I also had to go to meetings. Too many if you ask me,” you explained, your hand rubbing up and down his spine. “I just wanted to enjoy a night to myself, without having to socialize with anyone.”

Matt kissed your collarbone, “sorry, I’ve ruined that for you.”

“I’m not complaining,” you smiled softly. “And you haven’t ruined anything. I had a few hours to myself staring at a wall, which was truly relaxing,” your lips found his brows. “And you’re not anyone, you’re Matt. My ruggedly handsome boyfriend,” a small giggled escaped your lips.

He moved off of you slightly, and you whined at the move. He leaned on his elbow, facing you, his sightless eyes staring at your chin. “Stare at a wall?” His brows were scrunched up.

You giggled again, he smiled at the sound, “yeah, stare at a wall. Technically, not for hours and it wasn’t really a wall. But I do stare at nothing at times, and let my mind wander to the confines of the universe.” You finished with a solemn tone.

“The confines of the universe, uh?” He laughed, “what does that entail exactly?”

“Well,” your hand ran up his arm, “it’s just another way to say daydreaming really.”

His hand slid higher under your shirt, “what were you daydreaming about?”

Your face flushed in embarrassment; the top of your ears heated up. You usually didn’t share the object of your daydreams. It was in your opinion too intimate for anyone to be let in, and also, you didn’t want them to judge you for it. You’d rather tell him something about a really embarrassing experience than to share what they were about.

You started toying with the short sleeve of his black shirt, “nothing really interesting. It’s just, you know—” you shrugged up one of your shoulders. “—stupid stuff, nothing too important,” you cupped his face, your thumb running across his cheek, rough under your fingers. “And that’s not the point.”

“What’s the point, then?” Matt smiled at you.

“The point was that daydreaming is really relaxing and resting. It’s like my brain shut off, but not completely. My mind can just wander aimlessly and it’s beneficial—for the health.”

“Ah,” he nodded, “should I try it then?”

“You should,” you replied. “Studies showed that people who ‘practiced’ daydreaming have better control over their emotions, have more empathy and are naturally better problem solvers.”

“You read a study about daydreaming?” His eyebrows went up.

You barked out a laugh, “yeah, I looked it up.” You bit down on your bottom lip, “you think I’m weird, don’t you?”

“Sweetheart, I don’t think you are weird. I know you are,” you slapped his shoulder. Matt burst out a laugh. “It’s part of your charm.”

“Huh, uh,” you nodded.

“Truly, it is. Next to your voice,” he laid a kiss on your throat, “to your laugh,” another kiss on the corner of your lips. Your breath hitched in your throat. “Your weirdness is one my favorite thing,” his lips brushed against your temple. “It’s very entertaining.”

“It is, isn’t it?”

“Very much.”

He dove for your neck, and started peppering kisses, down your collarbone, up your neck, before attacking your face. The action sent you into a fit of giggles. Being spurt on by your laugh, Matt kept on doing it. Conversation about your daydreams, or your weirdness completely forgotten. Especially when the peppered kisses turned into something more passionate and heated.

You were nearing the four months mark in your relationship with Matt. You often wondered how you’d gotten so lucky with this man. Everything seemed so easy with him. You, who needed alone time to recharge your social battery, found that you didn’t really need one with him. It was the complete opposite, spending time with Matt, recharged your social battery even faster.

Spring was slowly fading away, making room for Summer. The rising heat in the streets of Hell’s Kitchen had a way to irritate people. Walking to work with Amelia, had given you a glimpse into how quick and prone were to anger. All because of the rise in temperature. You didn’t truly mind it, although, at night you did leave a fan on, and slowly wore less and less clothes to bed.

“There isn’t even a lick of wind,” you complained to Amelia. “We should have taken a cab.”

“To go to Josie’s? You’re out of your mind,” Amelia snorted. “Don’t be such a wuss, it’s not that bad yet.”

“What do you mean yet?”

“I mean it’s only the beginning, and it’s going to get worse.” Amelia patiently explained. “It’s not for the weak.”

“Thanks that’s really helpful,” you said as she pushed the door open. “The coldest beer you have, Josie, please.” You almost begged the woman, sitting down on the stool.

“You’re so dramatic,” Amelia huffed out a laugh. “So, weren’t you suppose to meet up with lover boy tonight?”

“He cancelled,” you nodded, turning your stool to face Amelia. “He’s still working on his big case. Needed to tie up some loose ends.”

“When’s the court date?” Amelia questioned; Josie pushed your beers towards you.

“Not for another month,” you retorted. “But you know court case takes a lot, and they need to make sure that they covered all their basis. So, they won’t have any surprises when it comes to trial.”

“You did a deep dive on this, didn’t you?” Amelia cocked up of her eyebrows.

“Not exactly deep dive, but I did look it up,” you gave her a sheepish smile. You took a sip of the cold beer, “That feels so good.”

“You are so not surviving the summer,” she joked.

“Oh, I will. Just to spite you, and Summer.”

Your window was cracked opened slightly, in hopes you would feel some breeze to alleviate the heat. You lied down on the cold floorboard, staring at the ceiling. He had cancelled again that night. His latest case was more complex than he had anticipated. It wasn’t that big of a deal, you understood. But adding to the cancellations, his absences on Fridays at Josie’s had also become more frequent. It wasn’t unusual. He had been unavailable on some Fridays, in the beginning of your relationship, working on opening statements. And you had often popped in to visit him, and fell asleep on his couch while he did so.

It wasn’t unusual.

And yet, you couldn’t help but feel that Matt was probably pulling away from you. Maybe that was the moment the other shoe would drop. Maybe you were right, everything with Matt was too good to be true.

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#matt murdock x reader #matt murdock #matt murdock angst #matt murdock fluff #matt murdock fic #matt murdock x fem!reader #Spotify

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nitrowyverine · 30 days

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I think I write dating sim/VNs/etc reviews now? Anyway,

LOST IN LIMBO REVIEW/THOUGHTS

This VN piqued my interest, so I gave the demo a shot! This review will follow the same general format as my Obscura/Touchstarved review, except there's 7 (!!!) romance options.

Since I totally loved this game, I'm going to put the conclusion promo up here too: if Lost in Limbo interests you, consider playing it Here, Here on steam, and/or backing it Here!

ALSO! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE DEMO!

My (long winded) thoughts are below:

(Banner image courtesy of the Ravenstar Games tumblr account pinned post. Individual character pics courtesy of tumblr posts from the studio. Individual posts are linked in character titles.)

Gameplay design thoughts:

the plot immediately sucked me in, I'm pretty invested in whatever the hell is going on with the protag, the realms, the lords, etc. I think the setup/land are deep enough to draw me in, but not so intimidating in it's depth that I'm afraid to explore more.

I always enjoy a little bit of nightmare fuel in my games, so the voidbound are perfect. They're so gross and horrible, but not just a stock zombie/nightmare creature design. Whenever the voidbound pop up, it makes the back of my neck itch, which is perfect.

I have no idea whose route I'll pick first. Usually I have one candidate that I can pick out as number 1. This game however? I go back and forth all the time, since I love all of them. I do think I have bias for Ara/Gael/Amon/Envy, maybe?

I really want to design an MC to doodle for this, but I feel like I don't know enough about other people in the realm. (Mostly, I'm assuming that standard humans don't have pointy ears? how close to our reality is the regular world?) I might say "screw it" and design an MC anyway (with some speculative clothing for once they get cleaned up)

The backgrounds have been great set pieces so far. Sometimes I catch myself just kinda staring into space at them. They've got a fantastic flavor.

Misc. Thoughts written during a replay

Fun touch to have Evie's rock image from the beginning fortune shop scene line up with the 7 LI's color schemes.

Each of the VA's does a lovely job with their voices. I've been turned off of certain dating sims because of bad voice acting, but the acting in this game is superb so far. It really helps set the richness of the story.

I have a theory that the LI's (and possibly people in Limbo in general) experience pain differently. The characters seem largely uninterested in the MC's stabbed, weakened state, beyond a "Oh that sucks....we'll clean you up later" mentality. I wonder if they have different pain tolerances, or are just less attached to such things. (Then again, Amon and Raeya have full missing limbs/eyes, so they probably have a decent perspective on pain altogether)

What does wielder/non-wielder mean? Xal says the MC "Can't wield, can't see." What do the LI's see that we don't? Ara mentions that the MC seems "Completely normal". Many mysteries.

I need those monster forms like crazy oh my goodness. Please devs PLEASE SHOW THE MONSTER FORMS

Now, to the lovely love interests!

Amon

WHO LET THIS MAN BE OVER 7 FEET TALL? PRIDE YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO

I only just noticed he also has a few freckles, *chefs kiss* (Waaaiit do all of them have little freckle skin textures??? Oh this is a glorious day.)

It's hard not to love a big friendly guy. I was honestly relieved when he first showed up, because I did Envy's route first, and I was thrilled to see a friendly face in the big dark scary woods.

This does not mean, however, that I'm not excited to see what this guy turns into when he's mad.

I like that he has pity for MC when they first show up, but I do worry it makes his resolve weaker. I'm not as confident that he could handle society/reality breaking down as well as the others. Can he put aside his affable nature for when shit hits the fan?

Question: What level of fight had to happen for Amon to lose his eye? He's already huge, and has some sort of telekinetic powers. My theory is that he was taken by surprise, maybe by someone close to him.....(Envy I'm looking at you)

RIP Amon you would have loved Hawaiian shirts

Conclusion: Most likely to be the camp counselor who hurts his back from always giving piggy back rides. Least likely to keep his composure during a badly timed pun/dad joke.

Raeya

I'm fighting for my life whenever shes on screen good LORD

Similarly to Amon, I GOTTA know the story behind her prosthetic arm. Its so rad looking, but how did she lose a whole arm? (I am also considering that she was also not born with one)

Playing the demo again, she makes a specific comment about the monsters having not "infected a limb" of the MC. My bet is that's how she lost her arm.

I wish I could have spent 1:1 time with her, but it wasn't offered in the demo. I'd love to have like, a sit down discussion with her about history. (Well I'd be fine getting lectured about history and drinking tea and hanging out)

Out of everyone's motivations, I think I understood Raeya's the most. Even if she was against MC, I think her concerns are completely valid. If an alien fell out of the sky from a different reality to earth I'd ALSO be taking every precaution

She and Amon have matching ear chains, that's adorable....

I hope I can take her on a nice date and spoil her and let her relax in the full game, pretty please. Nothing bad will happen right???

Conclusion: Most likely to gently remind the waiter that you said NO pickles with your order, thank you very much. Least likely to admit to being the one who farted in a crowded room.

Envy

every other line from him is "UGGGHHH" and i love that for them.

After playing, I think I've finally realized that I've got a soft spot for grumps. just grumpy lil friends with their pouty faces

I want (vivi's) Envy's nails SO BAD. I need him to do my nails because theirs are perfect. Envy, envy PLEASE

They pretend not to care, but are already getting attached to the MC by the end of the demo. I can't wait to see what they're like when they actually DO get attached

Elephant in the room, what could he have possibly done to get himself demoted so severely? Everyone seems to be fine with him being demoted except Amon, who sheepishly vouches for him when he can.

I just wanna wrap him in a blanket burrito like you do with a spicy kitten. and then give him little smooches

Conclusion: Most likely to be they guy who gets one drink at a party and sits in the corner with the dog/cat all night. Least likely to allow their partner to willingly boop their nose with any regularity.

Pride

Old man yells at cloud? No....old man IS cloud.

The dev's tumblr has mentioned that he's a pathetic old man, but for now at least, I am afraid of his authority and power. since hes like. yaknow. the big god of this world

The VA did some fabulous work for his voice. I definitely got actual chills in certain parts. 10/10

Okay, so WHAT is this guy's deal with mirrors? He looks great, why is he worried about it. I sincerely doubt he's just 52 though, if he's a god. (as a note for all these interests, I have a feeling that the ages are their physical ages, and not their actual ages. Or at least, age relative to ours. I think they're much older in our years than in their years.)

We also didn't get any 1:1 time with Pride in the demo, so I'm fascinated to see what alone time with Pride would be like. Is he quiet? a chatterbox? Just a guy??? does he only play piano and not talk to you. (power move)

Conclusion: Most likely to show up WAY over-prepared for Parent-Teacher conferences. Least likely to understand and survive the cinnamon challenge.

Ara

Certified CUTIE PIE

We got a pretty clear demonstration of everyone's powers in the demo, except for Ara. Unless it was too subtle for me to realize, I'm not actually sure what her cool powers are yet.

If she DOESN'T have plant powers I'd be very surprised.

I keep wanting to think things like "I have to protect her" or "keep her safe at all costs". But then I remember she's likely absolutely terrifying, and I honestly should be actually afraid for anyone who gets in her way.

I would like to remind/inform everyone that so far, she is the only member of the cast who is visibly armed at all times. (Raeya doesn't count even if her arm claws look really really sharp.)

If I have to pick anyone to party with, it's probably Ara. I know she'd throw an absolute rager, but would also make sure you stay hydrated. I wanna hold her hand too. Please?

I'll go butch for her, i'll do it if thats what she wants. I'm weak

Conclusion: Most likely to be able convince you to give her your kidney. Least likely to let you skip a bloodthirsty game of monopoly because you "Have a headache"

Gael

where did he find pants long enough for him.

Okay. So its HIS fault that Amon has the deepest V-cut since time immemorial. Do you think Amon and Gael had an extensive argument about the minimum amount of clothes Amon has to wear at any given time? Because I do.

His powers certainly did not. Awaken anything in me. Nope.

he has the shortest and most perfect arc from stranger -> friendly -> ???? -> BETRAYAL

I am MASSIVELY curious about his dissociation/spacing out during the demo. He was 8 million miles away in the tower for some reason, and I HAVE to find out why. I just KNOW this man is doing some questionable shit with good intentions and I can't wait to find out what it is.

So, he has SOME issue with touch. No idea what it is, but I can't wait to find out what it is. Also noting he's the only one with full-coverage gloves in the cast. Interesting...

Conclusion: Most likely to cry after being sent those sad FB/insta animal stories. Least likely to let you open your own car/carriage/etc door under any circumstances.

Xal

He looks so soft. I have to bully him, in a good way. (Like grim from Date with Death)

I am fascinated as to why he would lie for MC. That's such a great hook to his character. What does a guy who so desperately wants to be left alone have to see to stick his neck out for a stranger?

SOMEONE get this man a NINTENDO DS POST HASTE

THIS GAME HAS TO GET FUNDED BECAUSE XAL SAYS HE HAS A CAT AND I WANT TO SEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will do it, I will be the one to tuck him in when he is too eepy. I will carry him to bed and kiss his little head good night

Wait, if he can "Figure something out" by touching it, he could be like, the worlds greatest doctor. Xal please get off the couch and help me diagnose mystery ailments in a medical sitcom

Conclusion: Most likely to injure himself rigging up a Rue Goldberg machine to scratch his back. Least likely take it easy on you once he learns how to play super smash bros. (He's a fox/falco main)

Concerns:

What the Ravenstar team has already been able to accomplish is incredible. I'm worried that with 7 whole love interests (with a possible two more on the way if the kickstarter goes well), i'm worried the devs are taking on a whole lot of work. I think they're fully capable of taking this on, but I hope they don't burn themselves out in the process.

I'm pretty happy to see the kickstarter is moving along, but there's always the chance that something happens, and/or the kickstarter goal isn't met. BY THE TIME I FINISHED WRITING THIS IT GOT FUNDED LETS GOO!!! I still hope this project makes it all the way to completion beyond the kickstarter. Things can always happen, so Ive got my fingers crossed for the Ravenstar team!

OVERALL CONCLUSION:

I loved the demo, and I have now backed the project! The team is trying to hit stretch goals now, so share Lost in Limbo with your buddies! I crave content for this game like nothing else.

#Lost in Limbo #lost in limbo vn #kickstarter vn #Please play this one its so worth it

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kissingrhi · 2 years

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i saw your jealous lalo hcs.. (it was amazing by the way, absolutely loved it)

and now that I know you write for gus.. can I request jealous gus hcs👀?? thanks!!

OF COURSE!! gus 😩😩😩

he loves buying you jewelry that classily shows you’re his. like a gold necklace with his initials engraved on a pendant, or a bracelet with his signature on the back. anything that will make it known if someone is starting enough, that you are obviously with him.

it’s seen that he is a passionate man when it comes to those he loves because of his experiences with max. because of these experiences, he’s even more protective and passionate with you.

if anyone even threatens to touch you or brings you up to weaken him, he will kill or harm them instantly.

“you touch them, and no one will hear from you or those you care about again.”

a nasty man when he’s jealous. if you two are out wine tasting and someone gets a little too intimate with you, he’ll walk up with the fakest smile only you could decipher is faux. “hi. we’ll be leaving now.” hand interlinking with yours.

the moment you two turn around, his smile and eyes drop into something dark, practically dragging you away. “don’t you remember who i am to you?”

he feels almost hurt if someone else flirts with you. irrational fears that you’d leave him. even though he’d never let that happen.

so casual with what he wants from you

if he wants you to stop talking to someone, “stop talking to them. for me.”

if he wants you to wear something that won’t draw attention, “can you change, love?”

he tries to communicate, really. but he’s so obviously possessive.

when he’s pulling you away from a crowd at a cocktail party, the gentle kiss on your head slowly goes into an aching bite on your neck, and you have to keep your composure as you say your goodbyes.

he’s so gentle, yet scary in how he handles his own jealousy.

if you ever try to get him jealous on purpose…… oh wow

the moment you two would get home, he’d pin your hands to the sides of your head. “what do you think you’re doing?” a smile would rise, devious look in his eyes. “you don’t think i love you?”

yeah, good luck. ;)

#gus fring #gustavo fring #gus fring x reader #better call saul #better call saul x reader #breaking bad #breaking bad x reader #he is so fine #senior citizen zaddy

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karma-simp · 2 months

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I hate assassination classroom so I've been redesigning it

(That's my Ao3 which has all of my Karma x reader fics). Also TW! I have photos of my drawings in here and my phone quality is soooooo bad.

Don't get me wrong, I've been obsessing over assassination classroom since September 2020 (4 years). But like... the writing is so bad! Like Yusei Matsui, you had some very good ideas and concepts, but you were so bad at communicating them. It has taken over 3 years of analysis to understand even basic ideas

Like your main character, Shiota Nagisa is kinda badly written. His talent isn't bloodlust, it's deception. He appears weak and fragile but is actually a violent killer. He's observant but unnoticeable, so he fades into the background. His character arc is supposed to be finding himself, his way, and his self confidence.

Oh and there are so many 'jokes' made that aren't funny or things that are overlooked like I don't think there is a single good parent in that show except Karasuma. I mean Miss Bitch kissing the students isn't okay, the feminising Nagisa jokes aren't funny and honestly, I don't even like Korosensei anymore. Also Terasaka told Nagisa to kill himself and we never came back to it (or the actual suicide itself).

I mean sure, Korosensei does a lot for those kids, but he just comes off as more of a 'fun' teacher that plays games in class and is always there to talk to but he just seems unprofessional. I mean he's a goddamn mass murderer for god's sake. His backstory took ages for me to understand. Like wah wah, he has to die, cool story bro. I get a backstory every anime (or episode if your demon slayer) so I have no sympathy. But I guess I am a 'greater good' lover so whatever.

Also don't even think to bring up Karma. I mean my username is Karmas-wife, so I am not just his defender, I'm his lawyer. The civil war arc is so out of character for him and so is him teasing Nagisa about being girly after finding about his mum. Sure he might seem like an asshole, but that's the mask, that's what he wants you to think. But he's kind and protective, he's not egotistical. He defends his classmates and friends time and time again. I want to see so much more of him. His anger, fighting prowess, leadership, vulnerability and healing.

Also, the deuteragonist should be Sugino, not Karma. Sugino is Nagisa's best friend, he's literally attached to Nagisa's side, and if I were to ask Nagisa who his best friend was, he would say Sugino. I kinda don't like him because he wouldn't like Karma but I understand that's a bias.

So all of this has made me want need to rewrite assassination classroom. I mean there's a whole lot of angst in the themes that just doesn't translate. Honestly, the show probably would be more memorable and of better quality if it was 3 seasons.

So here are some of my redesigns of characters

Protagonist: Shiota Nagisa

He starts off seemingly timid, quite and oblivious. To try and make up for his insecurity of being useless, Nagisa takes notes of Korosenei's weaknesses, attempts that work, strengths of his classmates and possible future attempts (in a bigger book). He's surprisingly calm under pressure, like when executing assassination attempts. Scarily so. This initially doesn't seem very scary until it combines with his hidden bloodlust. He enjoys the dominance that killing someone provides. Little bit by bit, the little moments of scariness begin to bleed through. Until Kayano shows Nagisa how to conceal himself better, making himself scarier. He wishes for the confidence that Sugino has. Used to be friends with Karma, but now Nagisa really only asks Karma for help because he's kind afraid of Karma. He originally thinks he should be an assassin because it's 'the only thing he's good at' until he starts teaching. The he realises he likes helping people grow more. Also, his talent is deception/ disguising himself, not bloodlust.

Deuteragonist/ Best Friend: Tomohito Sugino

The common sense/ brain cell holder (the only normal person in 3-E). Dad friend who feels very concerned for Nagisa and (rightfully) weary of Karma. Doesn't really see a lot that goes on but is very honest and down to earth (good contrast for airheaded Nagisa). Although he isn't very muscly, he is strong and courageous, like a classic hero. Can be quite simple. Has a crush on Kazaki, likes basketball/ sports and the ten million yen bounty.

Main love interest/ main girl: Kaede Kayano Akari Yukimura

After losing her sister, she infiltrates the E-Calss under a fake name. She eggerates her love of pudding and pretends to be a bubbly airhead. She befriends Nagisa to hide herself then helps him find himself to do this. Later, she reveals herself and after her unsuccessful assassination attempt, she reintroduces herself. The classmates get to know the real her: more mature, determined, fierce, serious but still social and more aware of people than they though. She gains a crush on Nagisa for his steadiness and his emotional intelligence (and kissing ability).

Classmate/ Ex-Friend: Karma Akabane

Used to be friends with Nagisa but got weary of his dark side. An aggressive/ intimidating fighter with a bad reputation of getting into fights (with people that deserved it) like his fight (with a bully) that put him in the E-Class. Doesn't often interact with his classmates as he scares them. He doesn't see any reason to care about grades, them, or himself). Has issues with authority (after betrayal from teacher and being abandoned by parents). Learns to care and put effort into things after being adopted cared for by Karasuma. This makes him go from a bossy shadow to a decisive leader and gives him awareness of others.

Secondary Love interest: Rio Nakamura

Popular jokester who knows (and tells) all the gossip. Similar to Miss Bitch: confident, snarky, headstrong and attention-seeking. Likes Nagisa because he doesn't stand up to her so is 'easy to control.' She loses interest when he does eventually stand up to her. Smarter than she lets on and doesn't want to tell the class to keep her popularity. When she shows how smart she actually is, she loses friends and forces them to come back.

Classmate /Class Clown: Maehara Hiroto

Childish class clown that lives off the words 'no homo' and laughs at fart jokes. Isogai's best friend. He always has a girlfriend and in the very short time in between them he's super depressed because he's scared of being alone. Laughs to hide the pain. Charismatic, attractive and surprisingly loyal. Notices the little things. Romantic and funny so the girls are all over him but he's just a teeny bit afraid of commitment.

Classmate: Manami Okuda

Chemistry girly. Likes easy observations, formulae, and studies of things/ chemicals/ matter. Words/ people are too complicated and she's very unaware of double/ hidden meanings of things due to being very solitary. After being taken advantage of by friends, she gives up on trying. Then she meets Kayano and Kanzaki who work around it. Then Karma and Korosensei teach her how to understand people and why it's important, making her better at communication. Very blunt and straightforward. Horrible liar/ actress.

Classmate/ Bully: Ryoma Terasaka

Bully that uses his strength as power over others/ gets others to do his dirty work. After it doesn't work and he drops to the E-Class, then is put down by his friends for it and sees the effect on Nagisa and the class, he grows up and starts to take responsibility for his actions. Then, he starts listening to others and following their lead. The class might joke about him being a dumbass (which he is) but he does a lot of growing and learns to genuinely care for others, rather than hurt them. Also has common sense but no other smarts.

So there's part 1 of redesigns. Thank you for reading.

#assassination classroom #karma akabane #korosenei #nagisa shiota #sugino tomohito #sugino deserved better #assassination classroom redesign #redesign #kaede kayano #akari yukimura #rio nakamura #maehara hiroto #okuda manami #terasaka ryoma

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notna11 · 1 year

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|🕸️| 1610 miles morales headcanons |🕸️|

a/n: hii this is my first post, so I thought I’d go for something simple so yeah 😗

•he would definitely get matching pajamas or Jordan’s with you. (He wouldn’t go over the top with it)

•definitely a cuddler, but only if Mama Rio isn’t watching. (Would probably be the little spoon)

•he used to eat random stuff when he was little (crayons, paint, glue and whatever else)

•he still has a childhood stuffed animal or blanket that he NEEDS to sleep at night and he panics when Mama Rio puts it to wash. Maybe those little animals and blankets combined ykwim?

•he was probably one of those kids who used to lie abt the dumbest stuff 🥸

“you know my dad was on a telenovela when he was younger so he’s like super famous”

•he pretends to not be scared when he watched horror movies but jumps and looks away at every jump scare

“Miles you’re not scared right?

“nuh uh this isnt scary at all”

“uh huh…”

•when he got tagged (in tag) as a child he would say he was paused to “tie his shoes” but most definitely wasn’t

now for the boyfriend headcanons

•if you didn’t know abt him being Spider-Man he would definitely be telling lies left and right.

•he’d be super clingy as your bf

•he’s def the type to lean in when you pull away from a kiss with him

•he’d draw you on your dates and always compliment you 🫠

•he loves it when you play with his hair and you’re the only one besides his mom that can touch his hair.

•he has like the cutest contagious laugh that will just make everybody laugh. (ykwim? i dont think I explained it well enough)

•he’ll give you his clothes if you want them (Miles would be like the cutest boyfriend ever 😍)

he sees you wearing his hoodie “you like it, mami?”

“yeah it’s nice, I might buy me one” “just take mines”

•if you know that he’s Spider-Man he would definitely always show up to your place when he’s hurt 🙃

I loved making this so I might do Hobie’s and E42 Miles next. I also have a bunch of little Drabble ideas in my notes, so I’ll get to writing those later.

#miles morales #miles x you #atsv fluff #atsv miles #1610 miles x reader #miles morales 1610 #spiderman 1610 #earth 1610 #1610

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guppygiggles · 9 months

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⚠️ MINORS and no-age blogs DNI ⚠️

Most of what I make is platonic (between friends) or romantic, but sometimes, I make content with suggestive themes. While it is not explicitly sexual, I am still not comfortable with minors interacting with me - period. If you don't have your age in your bio or pinned, I will block you.

Also -- and I can't even believe I have to say this -- do not reblog my art with any language that promotes incest or ships involving minors.

Hello! I'm Casper. I make tickling art and fics featuring my OCs and my friends' OCs.

My three main OCs are Avery Nimbus, Casper Reid, and Finnegan Reed. Here's an art piece featuring the three of them together!

I also have a sideblog for sneezing, which is here. Please be aware that my snz blog contains suggestive and NSFW content that is not tagged consistently.

Tag Directory

#fluffyart - my art

#fluffychatter - my text posts

#notfluffytickles - block this tag if you don't want to see my vent art. Even when I use this tag, I always put art that is scary, sad, or strange under a cut, just in case.

#fluffyspice - sometimes, the art I make between Casper and Avery is more on the suggestive side. This might involve one or both of them being shirtless, kisses on tickle spots, expressions of pleasure from being tickled, hypnosis, or suggestive language. When I use this tag, I will also state in the tags why I have used it. I will not use this tag for art that involves bondage without any other suggestive elements.

Fic Directory

My main fic is called "Like Real People Do." It is a love story between my sona, Casper, and the sweet cloud-man named Avery Nimbus.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

I also have an AU called "Sea and Sky" which is meant to be more freeform and episodic, and as such, can be read in any order. It takes place in a fantasy world where more races than just cloudfolk and humans exist. In this world, Finnegan, Avery, and Casper live in Avery's lighthouse together and get up to all kinds of fluffy and tickly shenanigans.

Summer Fluff (Lee!Finnegan, upperbody)

Nightmares (No tickling, hurt + comfort)

What's in a Name? (Lee!Finnegan, upperbody)

Let's get physical! (Fluff, tickling for all three!)

Tickletober Prompt: Avery's Lighthouse (Lee!Avery, foot-focused)

Here are some brainrot-fueled oneshots between Casper and Avery that don't really take place in either universe. I usually write these for comfort.

Tickle Ramble (Lee!Avery, foot-focused)

Say it! (Lee!Casper, upperbody, heavy hurt + comfort)

Test Subject (Lee!Casper, upperbody)

Right Here~? (Lee!Casper, upperbody, heavy underarm focus)

Fluffy Panic (Lee!Reader, Ler!Avery)

Sometimes, I like to write teases directed at nobody in particular. Here's a directory of those!

The way I wanna get you~

You're so cute!

Morning tickles

Morning tickles (for early risers)

A love letter to shy lees

Ler brainrot

A love letter to lees in general!

Favorite spots

Under the chin~?

Ask me again...

Love letter to tickling

Comic Directory

Where it all started. I made my first comic in January of 2024, a few weeks after I started drawing. My art style was very inconsistent (and clearly still is), but I will include these here as I think they are important to the history of this blog.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

FAQ

Generally, I like getting asks! I do try to answer most of them, but I have also provided some answers to frequent questions under the cut.

Also, please see below for information about sending me requests.

Who can interact:

Adults! SFW and NSFW blogs can interact.

Who cannot interact:

Minors! I make content that is romantic, intimate, and sometimes suggestive. I am not comfortable with minors interacting with me. Please respect this.

Spam likes:

I actually don't mind this, provided you are an adult and your bio/pinned says so. Just be aware that I am definitely going to notice if you do this, and I am going to block you ASAP if you're a minor or I don't see an age.

Requests:

9/30/2024

Requests for fics and art are currently open, however:

1. My priority during October will be tickletober. This means I will be unlikely to get to your request during this month (unless I integrate it into a tickletober prompt).

2. Please only send me requests for my own OCs.

3. I am more likely to fulfill your request if it is not too specific. Here are some examples:

Good: "Cheer-up tickles with Avery as the ler." "Foot tickles with Casper as the ler and Avery as the lee." "Cuddly tickle scene with Casper and Finn." "Belly tickles."

Bad: "Avery comes home from work and Casper decides to cheer him up from a bad day with foot tickling."

Also, please be aware that if you ask for raspberries, I will never depict my character(s) as the lee. I don't hate raspberries, but they don't tickle me and I'm not really sure how they tickle, haha, so I only use them on others.

DMs:

If you're an adult, yes! I love making friends! I am happily married though, so please don't come at me with that kind of intent, haha. I am also really bad at remembering to respond... I have a full-time job and social life. Please don't take it personally.

Art Trades:

If you are interested in an art trade, feel free to DM me! I am generally open to trades and will usually try to work something out with you, provided I am not in a busy season at my job.

Commissions:

I do not take commissions and I have no plans to, I'm sorry.

Drawing/Writing my characters:

I love when people draw or write my characters! Here are my boundary sheets for Avery and Casper. If something is not covered here that you'd like to clarify, feel free to ask!

What I will post/reblog:

Art and fics featuring romantic tickles, platonic/friendly tickles, kissing, cuddling, fluff. There will be light bondage/restraints, like hands being pinned down, and sometimes intimate/suggestive/adult themes. Heavily suggestive posts will be tagged #fluffyspice.

What I will not post/reblog:

Genital nudity, real-life tickling gifs/photos, and any kind of content involving these things: sex acts, minors, and/or familial tickling. I also do not make fanart unless it is of someone's OC (I will reblog it, though, whether I'm familiar with the fanbase or not... haha).

The only exception to this is if I draw my own characters as kids. If I do, it will be for lore purposes only and will never include tickling.

Blogs I like to follow:

Other tickling art/fic blogs run by adults. If your blog is mostly IRL gifs/photos of tickling, especially if it's NSFW, I probably won't follow you back, as I prefer art and fics to real-life content. No offense intended, it just isn't for me.

My personal etiquette:

I read and abide by the DNI of every blog I interact with. I expect my boundaries to be respected, too. If I interacted with you in a way you didn't like, please message me and I will apologize and fix it. Or, if you're more comfortable, just block me -- no hard feelings.

Other places I can be found:

Twitter and Tiktok!

Final thoughts:

Reminder, this is a sideblog, so if I follow you it will be from my main. I'm not going to say what it is here, but my icon has a picture of Avery!

If you read all this, well you're just a peach aren't you? 💙 Thanks!

#fluffychatter

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acourtofthought · 1 year

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Just saw a post that says Elain and Lucien won’t be together because…

1. She loses her boldness around him and not with Az. (When? You mean when she was recovering from being thrown in the cauldron against her will and her fiancé leaving her?)

2. SJM also hasn’t set up anything romantic with them. (I would argue she hasn’t set up anything significant with Az either since they were both in love with other people for at least two books but ok)

3. The bonus chapter is irrelevant (then why even write it at all?) 4. Az and Elain are a unique couple…(you mean…3 bros and 3 sisters?)

5. Az doesn’t consider Gwyn a friend (Neither did Feyre and Rhys at first but ok…)

6. He saved Elain bc he wanted to, he saved Gwyn bc he was told to? (You think Az wouldn’t have stepped in anyways…Jesus) 7. Out of all the couples, only Eriel has consistent foreshadowing & an actual plot. Huh?????

I swear I try to ignore a lot of the tik tok “reasons” to why Eriel is sooo “obvious”. It’s like I didn’t even read the same book. Though I understand difference in interpretation and SJM hasn’t written the book yet…there are so many things that I feel like certain people just make up in order to force this to work for them. Out of all the reasons listed, the most bothersome to me is implying that Az only saved Gwyn bc he was told to and he saved Elain bc he wanted to. That comment was icky to me.

I think they're referring to SF when Lucien gives her his Solstice gift and Elain shrinks back into herself, "no trace of that newfound boldness to be found".

And Elain has been showing boldness as of late. When she stood up to Nesta. When she went to the Hewn City even though the cruelty bothers her. When she offered to find the Trove (which Az didn't believe in her ability to do).

But you know where else Elain hasn't been bold? Around Az.

Azriel offered her a small smile that Elain quickly looked away from. Cassian tucked away his puzzlement.

She extended the wrapped gift, her hand shaking. “Here”

as she said softly, "put it on me?"

She opened her eyes, hurt and confusing warring there before she whispered, "I'm sorry."

Does any of that read as the same girl who told Nesta she wasn't a child to be fought over? Does that sound like the girl who squared her shoulders and declared she'd do what was necessary for this court?

Elain shies away from Lucien but we don't know the exact reason. It could be that their bond and the draw to him scares her, it could be that she wants to be stubborn and refuse to get to know him because she hasn't fully gotten over what happened with Grayson. We do know she's avoided getting to know him at all possible costs though so her drawing away is not her drawing away because she doesn't like the person Lucien is. She doesn't even know Lucien well at this point.

But after a year of being in close proximity with Az, after being receptive towards conversation with him, she's awkward as hell around him (and he her). Nesta and Cassian had more meaningful conversations before their near first kiss than E/riel has had. We've seen them talk about gardening, that Az rubs his temples, whether flying is scary for Illyrians and how Elain can use TT because Az was sitting out of the war. I mean, that's the stuff love is built on right there 😂 Obviously her being made into an entirely new species isn't something they should have spoken of. Whether she's over Graysen, what she's going to do with her bond, how he feels after Mor's rejection, his feelings of self worth, etc. Why talk about those things when there is headache powder!?!

So yeah, I'm more worried about the status of Elain and Az's behavior around one another than I am around Elain and Lucien at this point. It's par for the course for an Archeron to refuse to get to know the male she'll end up with it at first, to push him away, to ignore him (are we forgetting how Nesta acted towards Cassian multiple times? Gave him a look then walked away as if he were nothing?) to tell him she hates him, and so on. But no FMC has ever spent a year getting to know an endgame MMC and still be in the awkward phase that E/riel are in.

2) Why does SJM need to set up anything romantic with Elucien? She started off Chaol's book where he was romantically coded with another female yet he still ended up with someone entirely new? And Chaol had met Yrene yet he still kissed Nesryn after that.

3) I think we all know the bonus chapter is relevant, just as Cassian's bonus chapter was relevant to the future of his story. It's basically a sneak peek at the direction SJM will be going. No you don't have to have the bonus chapter but it doesn't change the fact that those who do are getting an early glimpse into where she's heading with the series.

4) Az and Elain are a unique couple because they are a YA romance done by an author who doesn't write typical YA romance. Which should concern them.

SJM does not do couples who are shy and quiet with one another. She does couples who argue before getting together, where they talk about the real and the raw before getting together. Where they call out the other for their behaviors. The fact that E/riels say E/riel is in love yet we've never seen any of that heat from them, in my opinion, spells doom for E/riel. Az telling Elain she was a mistake? An endgame SJM couple would have had the female turn around and give the male a peace of her mind, not whisper "I'm sorry." 🤢

5) And neither did Rowan with his mate. He literally said, "we're not friends and I'm still training you". Which should be very concerning for anyone who doesn't ship Gwynriel because that has literally been their exact setup so far.

6) He saved Elain because he saw Cassian tell Nesta they would save Elain. Nesta told him it would be impossible for Cassian to retrieve her with his injuries and only after watching Nesta crying and hearing that Cassian couldn't go in did Azriel offer to save Elain. Sorry but that's not all that romantic to me considering Nesta and Cassian had an entire conversation before Az ever spoke up. And he KNEW Elain at that point yet he still wasn't the first to say something When he was ordered to Sangravah, he'd never even met Gwyn in his life. They don't realize how poorly their arguments stand up to actual scrutiny.

7) E/riel definitely has romantic hints. But so did Feyre and Lucien. So did Feyre and Tamlin. So did Azriel and Mor. So did Celeana and Dorian and Celeana and Chaol. Dorian and Sorscha. Chaol and Nesryn. So do Graysen and Elain.

And just as some of those romantic hints led to friendship only, just as some of those romantic hints led to a relationship, they all ended up ENDING. So to me it doesn't matter what romantic hints there may have been, it doesn't mean anything. E/riels have never shown me an argument that can't be easily dismissed by every other SJM book and what happened with those characters.

Does anyone honestly think she was going to make Elucien mates in book 2 and spend the next 2 books making it blatantly obvious to us that they were going to end up together? A good author would have created a "will they? won't they? situation and that's exactly what she's done. Created a rebound(ish) between Elain and Az to throw us off.

#elucien #pro elucien #elain archeron #anti e/riel #lucien vanserra #gwynriel

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because-its-eurovision · 10 months

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[kicks down your door] I HEARD YOUR ANXIETY WAS TALKIN SHIT AND IM HERE TO THROW HANDS WITH IT

okay first off, I know how you feel, and you know that I know cus you've seen me have anxiety episodes with these similar feelings of not being good enough or being unimportant or unwanted during out shared time in BC fandom. so I would like to start just by squeezing your hand and reminding you that you're not alone or the only one to occasionally feel this way, your feelings are valid and you're allowed to feel them, even tho they're not based on anything rational and you don't deserve to feel like that, because you are important and valued by the people around you.

you don't owe a participation fee to be part of a fandom. not in money, not by dedicating a certain number of hours, not by creating a specific amount of content, not by reaching some threshold of followers to be considered popular enough to participate. if you like the thing, you qualify. that's all there is. also, fandom is not a limited space with a numbered seats where one person's involvement is somehow taking room from anybody else. fandom is a universe that expands infinitely as more and more people join. it's impossible to take up space that you wouldn't deserve, because there is always more room for everybody to join.

furthermore, I may not be in the Käärijä fandom but I've been lucky to share fandom(s) with you in the past, and I've seen the way you contribute. you have always been one of the nicest, most welcoming, supportive people around, you're so willing to answer everyone's questions and welcome them into your space, and I don't think you even realize how important it is to have people like that in fandoms. the love and kindness and encouragement you show to others has not gone unnoticed, and that is also a way of contributing, and something I've seen you do so much for as long as I've known you. I mean, where in the hell else am I supposed to throw my dumb ESC questions at? people are scary, so I need someone nice and easy to approach. I need you. so your claim about how you don't do your part is, with all due love and respect, complete bullshit anyway <3 you do more than enough, you just don't see it yourself.

last but not least, Käärijä gigs may be queer safe spaces, but they're not queer exclusive. in fact, very few, if any, queer spaces in the world are ever exclusive - even pride parades, drag shows or gay bars aren't, straight cis people who have the basic decency and respect towards the culture are welcomed to those too. so for a music show by an artist that, afaik, isn't even openly queer himself? you're absolutely 100% allowed to go and enjoy your time. it is your space just as much as everyone else's.

you're a fucking gift and the Käärijä fandom is fucking blessed to have you. I'm aggressively kissing your forehead and I hope you can make it and have fun at the cruise. you deserve it. 🖤

Coming from you, this means so much 🥺 and you just reached out to be nice and give encouraging words?? 😭🖤 You're the person I looked up to the most when BCtumblr was in its most active phase, and still do, because you always have your way with words and take time to be wise and insightful and kind to everyone passing by despite battling your own anxiety demons, and I know you have it so much worse than I do which again makes me feel guilty for complaining and extremely grateful for you being so supportive.

I'm just so tired of feeling ashamed of myself and like I'm never good enough, and the constant voice in my head telling that I should be funnier and nicer and braver and prettier and more outgoing and spontaneous, and you telling me that I'm kind and friendly is so nice but strange because I do not see that side in myself at all, and I maybe feel like being welcoming or answering asks isn't tangible enough?? Like you know as opposed to producing content, because I can't draw or write fics or make tiktok edits or memes or be the first to post or comment something, and while I do know it's not demanded and nobody gives a rat's ass about what I do or don't do or post, I kind of feel responsible to pay back to the fandom(s) that have given me so much. I believe that the feeling of never doing or being enough or the pressure of being constantly present isn't a fandom-specific problem but a part of everyday life now, for me at least, but in fandom spaces, bubbles, it is somehow more concentrated.

I'm also feeling constantly guilty about being white and cis and straight and healthy because there are so many around me that are not and a having hard times because of that, and I try to do my best for making the world a better place and be a good ally and a decent person, but I'm just one guy and I'm exhausted, and even right now there are multiple anon asks in my box calling me out and saying I'm disgusting because I'm not saying what they want to hear and posting the kind of content they'd like to see from me, and. it's just too much. i'm so tired of being alive sometimes.

Thank you for being in my life, Abby. Ily 🖤

#asks

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canary0 · 1 year

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May 16 – Dracula 2023

Written in the margins of a book

My god, what’s happening here? I want to accept the evidence of my eyes and ears, but how can I? I may already have lost my mind. If I am still sane, I feel like I’m on the edge just knowing that, of all the horrors that hide in the shadows of this castle, the Count is the least dangerous. It’s at his whim that I’m safe, and only while I’m useful. I have to keep breathing deeply as I write this to try and cool my head – if my emotions get the better of me, I really will go mad. I always wondered what Shakespeare meant when he had Hamlet say,

“My tablets! quick, my tablets!

‘Tis meet that I put it down.”

As of right now, I feel like I’ve lost it or like my brain is going to collapsed in on itself. Putting it all down helps – maybe make it easier to accept the reality of what I’ve seen.

The Count’s warning about sleeping elsewhere was scary; now it’s terrifying. This whole situation strikes me as having been a win-win for him. If I had followed his warning, I would have stayed exactly where he wanted me. If I did what I did and wandered, I would find the door (that I doubt was left unlocked on accident now), and have an incident that would make me afraid to disobey in the future.

I truly am, now knowing what lies in the dark. I’ll enter everything accurately, as before. It helps a little.

Once I was finished typing, I shut down my computer, packed it away in its bag. I felt sleepy, and I took some pleasure in the small act of defiance in flaunting his rule. Looking out into the wide expanse past the windows was soothing, and my eyelids were getting heavy. Who knows if I would have even made it back to those gloomy rooms I shared with the Count’s presence, and the claustrophobic feeling it created. I wanted to rest here, in these soft, comfortable rooms where ladies had long ago had spent time singing, heartsick as they waited for men to return from the wars that raged through this land over the course of history. The dust honestly couldn’t have mattered less to me in the moment, as I slipped my laptop bag under the couch and slipped the thumb drive into my pocket. I laid down and sleep must have overtaken me quickly. I thought so, anyway, but looking back on it, it all feels extremely real, and I can’t believe I was asleep – at least not fully.

At some point, I realized I wasn’t alone, even though the room hadn’t changed. I could even see my footprints in the moonlight. Opposite me were three young woman who certainly looked what I imagined noble ladies might. I thought I must have been asleep, since despite the moonlight being right on them, they didn’t cast a shadow. They came close and seemed to just study me for a long time before whispering together. Two of them resembled the Count – high, aquiline noses, and large, dark eyes that the yellowish moonlight seemed to cast as red. The other was beautiful, with wavy blonde hair, and blue eyes that were so eerily pale they couldn’t help but draw the eye. There was something strangely familiar about her face, like I had seen her before, and it filled me with fear, but I couldn’t tell you the source of that fear. They all had those bright red lips with teeth that stood out in brilliant white against them. I felt a combination of a bizarre longing and fear, some part of me hoping they would kiss me with those red lips. I hate writing that down – I don’t want to cause Mina pain with it. I need to record the truth here, though. To make sure everything is accurate and that my story isn’t changing in my own head.

They whispered together, then they all laughed – it was silvery and musical, yet something was hard about it. It didn’t sound like any sound a human would make. It sounded more like the sound of a glass armonica. The blonde shook her head, seeming bashful.

“Go on! You are first, and we shall follow; yours is the right to begin,” said one of the other two.

“He is young and strong; there are kisses for us all,” said the said the second.

I lay quiet and still, in anticipation. She leaned over until I could feel her breath upon me. It was sweet, but there was something wrong about the sweetness, like the sickly sweet of rot, or perfume covering the scent of blood.

I could see through my eyelashes, thought I was afraid to open my eyes any more than that. She was bent over me, seeming to want to savor the moment, and actually… I’ve seen people lick their lips before, but this looked more like an animal licking its chops right between a meal than that. The moon seemed to highlight her mouth, the red tongue passing over the bright, sharp teeth and red lips. Like a wolf, a wild thought came to mind. Like the wolves surrounding the carriage. Elegant predators about to take down prey that was helpless to stop them. I was frozen then, too.

I could feel her approaching my neck, the lips land, and then the hard press of sharp teeth indenting but not piercing. Yet. I waited with my heart pounding in my ears.

Suddenly, there was another presence, an unmistakable one, as if he had simply appeared in the room without the necessity of crossing space or going through doors. He grabbed the back of the woman’s neck and pulled her back with effortless strength. Her face contorted and reddened with rage, teeth chomping wildly with it. The image of a wolf only seemed to sharpen in my mind. The Count made her look meek as a lamb, though, and as weak as one in comparison. His eyes were blazing with fury so deeply they seemed to glow bright red in the darkness. His face seemed carved of pure white marble, pale white and marked with hard lines. He threw the blonde woman, then made the same sweeping gesture to the other two that he had made to the wolves. When he spoke, his low whisper cut through the air like a razor.

“How dare you touch him, any of you? How dare you cast eyes on him when I had forbidden it? Back, I tell you all! This man belongs to me! Beware how you meddle with him, or you’ll have to deal with me,” he snapped.

“You yourself never loved; you never love!” If I thought their laughter was hard before, I was still unprepared for this. It rang out, inhuman, soulless. It was cynical and bitter. The Count turned and seemed to study my face, as well.

After a moment, he whispered, “Yes, I too can love; you yourselves can tell it from the past. Is it not so? Well, now I promise you that when I am done with him you shall kiss him at your will. Now go! go! I must awaken him, for there is work to be done.”

“Are we to have nothing to-night?” The woman who spoke, pointed to a bag on the floor that wriggled a little and moved as if something alive were within. They opened it, and I heard a sharp intake of breath, and what I could only hope wasn’t the wail of a child. I can’t think of what else it could have been, though, and just writing that makes me feel ill. They vanished, though, and the bag with them. They seemed to fade into the moonlight, their silhouettes visible in it briefly outside before they disappeared. It was too much – I finally passed out.

I woke in my own bed – the Count had to have carried me. Nothing matched the habits I have of when I go to sleep. The solar charger wasn’t set in the window. My clothes were folded up and set aside oddly. It’s circumstantial evidence at best, though. So, naturally, since my laptop wasn’t immediately on hand, I got dressed and went to go look for hard evidence. Searching my rooms didn’t turn it up. I looked everywhere and then, with great hesitation, left to go find that room again.

The door is now so thoroughly jammed into the frame that it’s impossible to open. I could see splinters around the edge where it’s actually pushed into the stone. My laptop must be in there, and if it is, then I really did go in there. What I experienced at least partially took place.

Now my laptop is gone, too. Everything I might have used to contact someone if I got out of here is gone. My phone is destroyed. My laptop is locked away. My only comfort is that it should be hidden well enough, and even if it isn’t, he can’t get into it. Document security is important, so it had password and biometric locks. Maybe he’ll get frustrated and throw it off the cliff. I feel I could only be so lucky at this point. What I’ve already written is with me still, at least, which is a comfort.

So here I am, writing in the margins of a book from the library because it’s the only paper I have access to. The old train timetables, at least, leave quite a bit of room for this. It’s not huge, so I’ll keep it on my person, lest that get taken from me, too.

(A/N: It struck me that there’s no way Jon would wait until May 18th to go looking for his computer. That shit’s important, and it’s his last lifeline. It’s saying something that the best he feels he can hopeful at this point is that it gets dashed on the rocks.

It feels like the plot is slowly starting to step apart from the original.

Hell yeah, back on schedule, baby.)

#dracula daily #jonathan harker #dracula 2023 #fanfic #just for fun #modern retelling

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banditomojado · 12 days

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Roberto's Spooky Season Binge 2024: Bones and All

I'm back and boy am I pumped about this one! HORROR ROMANCE! Ahh!!! Yes, I'm a sucker for all things bloody and romantic, so when I stumbled upon Bones and All I was very excited. Cannibalism and angsty young romance? Any lover of the macabre would tell you they go together like peanut butter and jelly, and this is simply one of the latest in a long line of stories that plays with these themes. My spoiler thoughts and review below!

Okay so I have to make one thing clear before we move forward. I'm VERY partial to the themes and narratives in this movie. This is the kind of fucked up tragic romance that I fell in love with in high school, and even now at 30 years old I can't get enough of them. That should give you somewhat of an idea of what kind of vibe this movie is going for. It's VERY emo, idealistic, raw, and disturbing in the ways Stephanie Meyer could only hope to aspire to when she wrote Twilight. So if that's not your cup of tea, this movie will likely not change your tune on YA horror romance. But for fans of the genre, rejoice! This is a superb addition to the canon!

The film is beautifully shot, capturing the sprawling country roads in a dreamy haze throughout this road trip flick. The cinematography works along with the subtle writing and delicate performance to give an almost poetic feel to the whole film. And my god, the performances. Taylor Russell is SCARY good in this as Maren, so good in fact that she even manages to outshine her always magnetic co star Timothy Chamalet, who himself puts on a fantastic performance as Lee, her love interest. Their chemistry is key to this films success. Without the deep connection and genuine love, the story becomes too grotesque to stomach. Make no mistake about it, this is a disturbing movie, but it seldom feels that way due to its sweet protagonists and their growing love for one another in their desperate search for meaning.

Maren is a cannibal who is abandoned by her father shortly after her 18th birthday. The viewers introduction to her, um, condition is shocking, but before we're given much time to react, Maren is almost immediately left alone to fend for herself. All she has is some petty cash, her birth certificate, and a tape recorded by her dad telling her the truth about her condition. Themes of self hate and a desperate search for meaning are nothing new to the YA romance genre, and the correlations between cannibalism and youthful strife draw themselves. The metaphors at work here are nothing new, but where this film succeeds is in its self identity, it's core relationship. And that's where Lee comes in

It's easy to understand why Maren and Lee are almost immediately drawn to one another. Their both sad, loner drifters who hate themselves because of their cannibalism and ,like, they're both attractive kids. So duh. But the film also makes it easy to root for them. Their conversations are crooked and awkward, but also dreamy and dripping with longing. Again, one must highlight the insane chemistry between the two actors. Seeing Lee break down shaking in tears after admitting to eating his father while Maren takes his sobbing face and kisses him deeply until he stopped shaking was intense and beautiful. And don't get me started on my favorite quote of the whole movie:

For me, the climax of the film was Maren finally meeting her mother. I'll be brief on this because I don't want to spoil much, but holy shit that was INTENSE. Seeing what became of her mother, who is also a cannibal, was GUT-WRENCHING and also easily the scariest scene in the whole movie, at least to me. This was Maren's last hope of trying to find answers from those who were supposed to love and care for her, and what she found was horror and a life not worth living. But instead of having this kill the hope inside of her, it only strengthens her relationship with Lee, who she soon comes to realize is the only person in her life who has ever treated her like a person and not a monster.

And now for my least favorite part of the film, Sully, the creepy old stalker cannibal who attempts to befriend Maren early on. Obviously insidious, but confusingly jolly, it's hard to get a good read on old Sully when we're first introduced to him. As a viewer, your immediately suspicious of an old white man trying to lure an 18 year old girl into a house, but I don't know, maybe something about the performance makes it hard to see what the film is trying to go for with his character. He is terrifying, though, and him calling Maren a cunt towards the end I guess firmly cements this confused looking old cannibal as a vile creep. Perhaps he's better fleshed out in the novel this film is based on, but unfortunately I feel like his character distracts from the otherwise great drama. Having him be the reason this tale becomes a tragedy is somewhat underwhelming, but it ultimately serves it's purpose. Of course Maren and Lee couldn't live happily ever after, so having Lee be fatally wounded during Sully's attack on Meran seemed like a logical catalyst for the tragedy of this tragic love story. And I guess I shouldn't be too upset, because holy shit what a way to end it. "I want you to eat me Maren. Bones and all." THIS IS CINEMA.

Final Rating: 9.3

This kind of horror romance is definitely an acquired taste and some may find it cheesy. But for me, this movie hit on nearly every level. Beautiful mixed with grotesque visuals, great writing, and picture perfect performances solidify this movie for me as a can't miss and is a perfect choice for a spooky date night!

#roberto's spooky season binge 2024 #bones and all #bones and all film #bones and all 2022 #review #film review #film discussion #horror #horror romance #spooky season #halloween #spooky date night #horror movies

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ddeongies · 2 months

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wow, should i be surprised to absolutely love chap 11? probably not, that’s the usual feeling after reading all of your works, i have a hard time trying to put into words all my thoughts about this chapter (english it’s not my first language 😿) but i’ll try cause i feel it’s the least i can do

god ryu is soooo fucked (no pun intended), her being nervous to finally see yeji after a month and after the kiss but at the same time wishing it happens sooner, damn ryu really fell harder, btw those pictures were indeed for YOU ryujin !

reading the “yeji is sweet” line, made me remember the first time i came to ur blog confessing about trying to read the word count kajskdjd, that line made me so happy 😭😭

and ryu planning everything 😭😭 as an anxious person i get her soooo much, that would be so me, also she’s so smart like killing to birds with one stone, her assignment and getting the girl, brilliant

i don’t think i have said it before but i just love the way you write the characters, it may be cause i find so easy to relate to them, to feel what they are feeling even through words, i was probably in the same nervous level as ryujin during her whole plan, shes stronger than me tho, yeji naked on her bed ??? yeah no drawing would be done on my side

it does kill me the fact that they both want the exact same thing but they think the other doesn’t 😭 and they are so respectful about it like, ‘i’ll take anything the other would give me’ 💔💔

i have a question, i don’t know if it’ll be answered later but it’s been bugging me since i read the chapter, did they hold each other after they finished? 🥺 i know they both think they’re casual, but they are also friends so, i just need to know 😭😭😭

thank u for another amazing chapter, i’ll patiently wait for the next one and also choreo epilogue and new fic (???) omgggg

ps: to the anon who said something about yeji in lingerie, how am i supposed to do anything productive with that thought on my head now ????

-🍬

i am finally here.... catching up with my asks.... thank you for your patience it's been a time 🫠🫠🫠

hank you for liking the chapter (and the fic and my writing and everything 😭😭😭)

ryu is so fucked but at least yeji is too. like can it really be “ryujin falls harder” when yeji is how she is LOL they’re just the same at this point (and yes every single picture yeji posted over break was for you ryu LMAO)

omg yes the infamous “yeji is sweet” that you caught during the brief yunjin drama lmaaoooo so observant. every time i screenshot my wordcounts i’m like “what are people gonna manage to catch in the background here”

and yessss ryu is such a planner. i think she likes to really think things through and attempt to have control of a situation especially when it’s scary or she feels vulnerable. and also she’s just a smarty lol like whose plans have gone better so far 🤔

thank you for saying that! i’m really glad i can write people in a relatable way :) i just want these two (and the side characters) to feel real and to have a realistic relationship. it’s just more fun that way for me as a writer and as a reader

the way they’re on the exact same page but in a kinda bad way like…. you like each other the same way AND you’re being idiots in the same way??? please 💀

omg yes okay they’re def cuddling after and there will be onscreen cuddling in future chapters i promise you 😤 very good question thank u

im writing far too many things at once rn lakdjfl so thank you for the patience with me answering this very very late

ps: not the yeji in lingerie thoughts agin i’m running away now BYE 🏃🏽

#im here im alive #I BEEN WORKING AND I BEEN WRITING #there'll be nmau cuddling you'll be sorry you asked #ily thank you sorry it took me so long to answer this!!#getting my shit together once again lol #asks #🍬 anon #nmau

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grimsneverendingfuneral · 9 months

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Grim, hi! I’ve missed you! I’ve been busy with some sucky real life stuff, but I promise I have not forgotten about you!

I shattered my left wrist which is already annoying as is, but it happened HOURS after I got my cast off on my right arm which was broken. It’s just so annoying ugh. Like, I’m fine of course, just so annoying. Seriously it’s only the kind of luck I could have.

Anyways! You know what time it is, obviously. What was your favourite song this week? Do you wear glasses? And a Rosekiller relation question for ya, what are some of their quirks/bad habits? (e.g.: biting nails, picking at skin, etc. etc. you get the idea) 🎤

OH MY GOOODDDDDDDD MIC ANON !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck i was so happy to get this message in my inbox but as i read it my face kinda fell. fuckin hell its been a rough couple of weeks for you. what the hell man. oooohhh i wish i could draw doodles on your cast and tuck you in and give your forehead a kiss. that is an substantial amount of bad luck, for sure, but the way you're going about it says a lot about who you are as a person, which is probably super brave and resilient. i remember when i broke my foot how absolutely simultaneously depressed and delirious i was cause its just so absurd in a way. you find ways to live your life differently, its a whole experience, yknow, living with a cast on or not being able to use one of your limbs. im glad youre okay though but be gentle with yourself cause it does affect our mental health more than we think. give yourself that time to just heal and try not to get too frustrated with yourself. you need time and rest

i hope you're well surrounded or at least i hope you have some support, and im here if you wanna chat. also, im genuinely so shocked and flattered and a little emotional that you would still send me an ask when you just shattered your wrist???? wow. fuck im giving you smooches on the arm. im making you soup im getting things from high places you cant reach im fussing over you like a motherly figure

also im kinda curious (you dont have to answer) but how did this happen?

ok questions. yes. my favourite song this week was this black metal song (im in my winterly black metal phase. happens every january or so) called I Am The Black Wizards by Emperor. its just.... crazy orchestral folkloric screeching overlapping rumbling drums and insane distorted guitars. i just listened to it on repeat while writing and it really inspired the madness in this chapter i just finished. also love listening to it in public with a straight face

i do not wear glasses, no! i have a pair of blue light glasses though that i wear when i write cause im on the computer a lot and i look super sexy in them. i was blessed with very good vision for some reason

and rosekiller quirks!! huh. theres probably a lot. for sure barty vocally stims a lot. i picture him as the guy at the back of the class who makes like annoying ass popping sounds with his mouth or will screech for no reason. he's gotta be humming or inventing new noises at all times. and the thing is about that is that his friends usually like catch onto those noises and will begin to make them as well and it becomes this thing like. his noises make sense and they feel good to make once you start mimicking them. i think he also has an excellent long term memory to the point its scary but his short term memory is fucking ass. like you HAVE to text him to remind him of things or he'll forget. he puts a mug somewhere? forgets it for weeks. has no object permanence so when hes been on his phone for too long he just hides it in a cupboard and completely forgets about it. he's also messy but not dirty. like theres socks everywhere but he scrubs his bathroom for three hours with Pinesol. i could go on and on and on

evan's bad habits are more mental than physical but for some reason i feel like his waking self is completely different from his sleeping self. waking self is very aware of his body language, his posture, the way his face moves, but sleeping him is kicking at your calves, thrashing around, sheets twisted around his legs, his hand finds itself directly in your face and he definitely sleeps in that position where youre on your belly and your leg is up yknow. i think evan is also prone to sighing a lot. he sighs so much and he doesnt notice and its like are you fucking okay?? can you stop sighing like youre a poor victorian woman withering away from broken heart? lastly i think evan does pick at his lip skin but only in private. he doesnt really do stuff in front of others like that. but he will pick it until it feels smooth and its bleeding in three places but at least it feels smooth (i do this)

thank you so much for keeping me updated on your life mic anon i feel very honoured. hope you have a good recovery

#mic anon #ily #im so glad youre back

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genshinimpactlife · 2 years

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hello!! would it be okay to ask for a genshinn matchup? (´∀｀)♡ those look so adooooorable~ and i loved your writing, so i wanted to give it a hand, if you don't mind! just sfw, please <3

i'm panromantic, asexual! my gender is.. it sure is something, but i use they/them mostly. there's not really a preference, i sit right on the cusp of it, i hope it's not troublesome.. ^^;

ahem, in contrary to popular belief and an unfortunately innocent-looking face, i am, if anything, a very snarky sharp-tongued bastard when i'm not locked in my room (away from the eyes of the world, i can be very nice, dare i say. <3). i like scary things and i like to make it obvious! i wouldn't say morbid exactly, but i like to jokingly say unsettling things (if my opposition is okay with it, of course, i always ask) for the funnies. i laugh a lot, and at just about anything, even if it's dumb. i looove horror movies & horror games, especially if they have a gothic aesthetic!!! i love goth music and goth styles. romantic goth being my favorite! despite my love for horror, i am actually a little sensitive and perceptive to things surrounding me, because my emotions are very strong.. sometimes i tear up when my cat looks at me. ;_; i'm a bit of a trouble-magnet because i can't see the color red on a flag apparently, but when someone warns me i listen.

i major in media and design, and i looove to draw. i turn the music up real loud and sink into my paintings. <3 most of them are surprisingly simply peaceful scenery, because who doesn't enjoy it? <3 i like collecting minerals and shiny things as well, i have a biiiig collection of gemstone jewelry.. about 20 different ones that i like to alternate between. you can probably read my mood based on which i'm wearing, ehe.. anyway! i'm a little magpie and i dress that way too.

as for a little more surface stuff, hi, hello, i'm a goth, so i do goth fashion. <3 i dyed my hair jet black (because my natural nearly-black is not enough!!! need less color!!! the gemstone is Enough color!!!) and i have grey-ish eyes! i'm a bit pale so the black make-up makes me look like i died 10 years ago but it adds to my aesthetic so this is not a complaint.

anyway!! i hope you're doing alright and that you're not overworking yourself with these!! please take your time. with how cute these are, you muuust be getting a lot.. good luck & i'm already excited with what you come up with!! <3

I would match you with...

Shinobu loves your sharp tongue and enjoys that you can keep up with her that way.

One too many times, you have gotten into trouble with Itto, and she had to bail your asses out. But she always goes easier on you than him.

She loves being in the same room as you while you are painting; the positive energy you give off is infectious.

She's always gifting you different kinds of gemstone jewelry or other cool minerals and rocks. She saves up for your birthday to get you something especially nice.

She adores your gothic style and sometimes asks you to go shopping with her for new clothes.

Anyone who comments negatively about your style will get an earful from her.

Shinobu is good at seeing red flags; she's become your radar to keep you safe.

She's big on forehead kisses, you could be cooking, painting, or doing anything, and she will stop and give you a quick lil kiss.

Thank you so much anon! I promise i'm not overworking myself with requests <3 I have a lot to do with writing but I don't mind! I hope you enjoy!

#Genshin impact #Genshin impact x reader #Genshin impact headcanons #Genshin impact matchup #Shinobu #Shinobu headcanons #Shinobu matchup

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foxounderscorecube · 2 years

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If We Were Villains - M. L. Rio

2 ⭐

CW: brief mention of ed, sa, and drug use within the book

Agh! What wasted potential!

Right, so, first, I will say that I do think Rio is a talented writer: she has a huge vocabulary and knows how to use it. Her love of Shakespeare shines through - something I don't have in common with her, but which I can't help but appreciate. Inexplicably, she has a real knack for writing convincing, yet incredibly elegant, sexual tension, which I know is terribly specific, but what can I say? I rarely come across sexual tension in books that I find draws me in like that. The framed narrative is done really well, and the Acts and Scenes as chapter divisions is a cute touch. These reasons are why I give the book the stars I have given it.

Unfortunately, a talent for sentence construction does not always come with a talent for storytelling. The characters are flat and while I think what she's going for is a cool concept, it just didn't do it for me. I love a good descent into madness and blurring of the lines between reality and imagination, but I feel it necessitates a greater depth of character to work than what we're given.

This is my main issue with the book: we have seven main characters, and maaaybe seven personality traits between them.

We have Richard, who is aggressive. Meredith is sexy. Alexander is gay (vaguely implied to be bi at one point) and smokes weed. Nobody gives a shit about Filippa. James… exists. Wren also exists, but barely. And Oliver is into James, and also sort of Meredith, but only really because she is, as we have established, very sexy. All of them quote Shakespeare at any time, any place, even those that are grossly inappropriate moments to quote one's favourite media. Thing is, these characters just aren't very likeable. I know what it's like to have interests that are niche and which I absolutely breathe, and I've always hovered on the lower end of any social hierarchy, yet even I felt an overwhelming urge to bully these people. It took half the book for me to remember who was who aside from Meredith and Richard because they have the strongest personalities (and because I have a Caterpie on Pokemon Go called Meredith and my grandad's called Richard).

That the characters are so flat ruined the plot because nobody really has any motivation behind their actions. Oliver's into Meredith because she's sexy. Richard starts committing random acts of violence and it's implied it's because he's mad about a casting decision and everyone aside from Meredith is surprisingly unbothered, at least when he tries to drown James. They're just like, "That was scary. Anyway-", and hope he starts being normal soon. Oliver takes the blame for James murdering Richard because he's just so in love. Which, despite their sexual tension being fantastic, doesn't really seem believeable because they never demonstrate being in love. They demonstrate having confused, lustful feelings, sure - maybe close friendship if you squint? - but not passionate adoration. All fiction is the author playing with dolls, but this feels like the author is playing with dolls, bashing them around and mushing them together because that's what she wants them to do.

A nitpicky thing that shouldn't bother me, but absolutely did, was that this is an arts school that's incredibly prestigious and well-known for the high quality of its alumni and the shows put on by the students are really popular. That's all good, whatever. But this group of fourth-years - these people who have survived the culling of students that happens every academic year - because they can't stop harming each other or kissing each other or whatever when they're meant to be performing a play. And yeah, I know it's meant to be because they're so into their roles or whatever, but the lack of professionalism should have been trained out of them at that point, surely? I mean, you'd think the reputation of the university would at least be marred for some time after the second scandalous loss of control on the actors' part during a performance in half an academic year, but it's never mentioned. I'm not enough of a romantic for this, am I?

Even more insignificant nitpick: this school has no costume degree. There's a costumers' department, but who are they? Do they outsource them? Their set design is in-house, made by students studying set design, but the costumers are like the wallpaper - a given. Unless they're meant to be the art students? Ugh, art (assuming it's fine art, because it's never specified) and costume design are different enough disciplines, let alone costume making. That's a whole additional skillset.

Okay, back to a piece of criticism I have that's actually relevant. So, Meredith's sexy, right? And she and Oliver start sleeping togetherafter Richard's death. They're kind of dating, but it's not official official. All well and good. But then, when Oliver's had a hard time, James broke his nose because he got too passionate and angry during combat practice, he goes to Alexander for drugs (the way drugs play into this is another thing) to feel better, and Alexander rolls him a spliff spiked with regular painkillers (is that a thing?) and what is implied to be cocaine. Of course, Oliver smokes it and gets high - high to the point that he has no recollection of what happens shortly after he started smoking, and he sleeps for, like, 24 hours or something. He vaguely remembers Meredith taking him by the hand and leading him to her bed, and the next day, Filippa finds him in Meredith's bed and asks if he's naked. He says he thinks so, but he doesn't remember, haha! So basically, this man was so out of it he remembers nothing and Meredith proooobably raped him, and nobody cares. Even Oliver doesn't seem to see an issue with it. It was really out of leftfield and gross. Is it meant to be okay because they're dating, or because she's hot? Because it really isn't.

Honestly, the way women are written in general is a bit iffy. It's not like the men are especially fleshed out, but Oliver seems to see women as slightly strange, foreign creatures. It's one of those things where maybe that's how Rio thinks men see women, and she's trying to convey this as one of Oliver's flaws, but if so, it has so little bearing on the story in any way that it seems more like the author's bias than the character's. Women with eating disorders, confirmed or implied, are described oddly viciously.

I think the last thing that I'll mention is the inexplicable "gateway drug" story arc. Alexander smokes weed all the time and gives the other characters spliffs from time to time. I'm not exactly experienced when it comes to consuming intoxicating substances, particularly illegal ones, but even to me, the way it's spoken about is rather… quaint. Very "Teehee, Alexander's always a little stoned, but from time to time, even we partake in a little puff!". But then, out of nowhere, Alexander's on the cocaine! I mean, honestly, bunch of kids in a posh twat art school, I'm surprised they aren't all on the stuff. There's a little falling-out between Oliver and Alexander which just doesn't really go anywhere until Alexander gives him the spiked spliff, and then, later on again, overdoses on something. Was it deliberate? Was it an accident? We don't find out and nobody seems interested to know. It's just sort of put in there and then Alexander's like "No more illegal substances for me!" and that's the end of that. I suppose Alexander's drug storyline facilitates Oliver's equally narratively-unimportant rape, and, like Wren's mental breakdown (which also doesn't really go anywhere), shows that Alexander's not doing too well.

This certainly has been one of the most frustrating books I've read in a long time, which is a shame. The concept is great and it's so clearly a labour of love, but I found it predictable and dull and just couldn't bring myself to like it.

#read 2022 #reviewed 2022 #fiction #novel #books #reading #book review #ranting!!!

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