#this will. probably also be the last! but im really happy i got to be involved in this its such a cool project i had so much fun with it
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So so so (for context, i'm in latin america) Pride is in june and this is my second year going, right? First time i went very lowkey, since i was new AND im very much not out to my conservative family, and i would die if they saw me in the news. it was lovely, everything went fine, and nobody suspected a thing.
now, this year it feels important, and i want to do something flashy, but i'm not sure what
not helping the matters is that now i know more queer people (yay!), that i met in different contexts/places, and everyone has a different perception of my queerness, and i don't know how i feel about everyone seeing a part of me that they might find, contradictory i guess.
some of them know i'm asexual and aromantic
some of them i've talked with about my aesthetic attraction, and how i find people of all genders very pretty and cool and awsome
nobody knows i'm non-binary, and this one is a bit new and i feel very, vulnerable about it.
and everyone kinda sees me as... idk, i'm very openly sex positive, but also the kind of asexual that is "so, i don't have any attraction ever, but a lot of this is really cool (as in, to me personally), and i really like to learn about things like (for one of many examples) leather and the culture, even if i'm not sure i'll ever have sex", and ANYWAYS, having a good sex ed is IMPORTANT, but i guess people tend to see me as a prude???? for some reason??? maybe??, as an uwu asexual who doesn't know anything about sex
and like, it has gotten some queer friends baffled when we're talking about things, and i'm perfectly capable to hold a conversation about, idk straps for example. And they get all "how do YOU know about that????" ugh is so frustrating. one of those friends was a person who tried to put his penis in the urethral opening of his partner at the time not that long ago btw, and he assumed he knew more about general sex stuff that someone who cares about doing research and staying informed.
THE POINT IS. they are very much not expecting to see me showing much skin. ever. and ok, my usual style of clothing is not very revealing i'll give them that. But i really want to show off at pride y'know? i want to show off my thick and dark body hair, i want to show off my tummy because depression has made me lose a lot of weight, but i'm hoping to get better by june and be able to show the body i was really happy with. i want to show off my curves and big thighs and be proud of being non-binary with the body that i have.
And i want to maybe use something more revealing, because yasmin benoit is so cool, and seeing her leading pride was very important to me.
and i also kinda want something inspired by chappell roan, because i'm not immune to her ok
and i want to be loud about the aroace bit, because it meant the world to me to see others like me last year, and i want to be there for others too.
but i'm also scared, oh so scared of being filmed and recognized by someone dangerous. i'm disabled and young for fucks sake, i can't afford being kicked out or losing support. and, i know i'm not in the usa and that it's getting really really scary up there, but i'm also afraid of what will happen at the event, because my country tends to follow usa's lead, and our president is not exactly the best (a lot of us in latin america had also shit elections this last year lmaon't), and it'll probably be fine but i'm still worried. it'd be safer to go very lowkey and with the usual outfit for going to dangerous protests, but i don't want to have to keep myself lowkey, not when i have a choice.
gods sorry for the rambling, this got away from me huh.
anyways, any advice on anything? honestly even if it's only costume/outfit ideas i'll be happy to see them
id say wear a face mask- its good to do in public anyway- and a hat. borrow some friend’s clothes. if your family cant see your face and isn’t expecting you to wear “revealing” clothes…. you’d probably be fine :) good luck!
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Random Nsfw Head Canons For Riize Maknae line (with Fem!Reader)
( Includes: Seunghan, Sohee and Anton )
Again, there will be so many typos in this so get ready, I didn't proof read this at all.
Also hanis section might not be the best because I got into riize after they put him on hiatus (I hate sm so bad don't get me started) and I have a hard time getting a read on him but I tried
Hyung line, Maknae line
♡ ♡ Seunghan ♡ ♡
I had a hard time getting a read on him at first because he's such a cutie (he doesn't deserve half the shit that he gets OT6 WHEN I CATCH YOOUUUU-)
But honestly after thinking about it a little bit...this man is a undercover freak, HEAR ME OUT
The type of guy to finger you under the table when you're out with friends, smiling and chatting it up with everybody as if he isn't knuckles deep inside you.
He's so sweet too, calling you "his girl" and talking about how happy he is with you as you're struggling to not make any sounds.
That's his entire thing, he'll tease you and be so so mean but he'll do it with the sweetest smile on his face.
I would consider him a strict soft dom, If you're a good girl he'll treat you like a princess, praise you day and night but if you start getting bratty with him, he'll get so mean (in a fun way 🤭)
You bent over as he's fucking you from the back, your face buried in the pillow so you can't beg for his forgiveness whenever he slaps your ass.
"Awe are you trying to say something baby? I can't hear you sweetheart"
Also a bit sadistic, loves leaving marks on you, especially ones that last for days.
Seeing you wince whenever you sit down after he spanks you gets him so hard, literally ready to go for round two right then and there.
As much as he loves when he gets to punish the brat out of you, he also loves when you're his good little girl.
It's been said before but this man is a EATER, if you behave you get your pussy ate till your brain melts out your ears.
His aftercare mainly consists of him putting on ointment where you need it and making sure you're okay, since he's the Dom it's catered to what would make you feel the best.
At your beck and call after sex, the sweetest man alive.
SIGH I MISS MY MAN
♡ ♡ Sohee ♡ ♡
Virgin loser. IM SO SORRY HSHA
I'm a loser!Sohee truther, this man hasn't been near a pussy his entire life, gets absolutely no play.
He's always been too nervous too approach women and when he started training to become an idol he just didn't have the time.
So when he meets you he's all nerves, too shy to say anything, so you'll have to be the ones to initiate things.
Probably the most submissive out of Riize mainly because he's inexperienced and more comfortable with you taking the ropes.
Cums way too fast the first few times you two do it, is super embarrassed about it but he can't help it :(
"shit- sorry- it just.... you...you feel so good I'm so sorry"
Because of that he insists he wants to learn other ways on how to please you, whether that's oral or through his hands.
In the beginning of your relationship he's kinda sloppy but what he lacks in experience he makes up for with enthusiasm.
After learning and practicing a whole bunch I honestly think he has the best head game in Riize, he lives to please.
Same with his fingers, because he has a hard time lasting during sex he got really good at basically everything else so don't worry, you'll definitely leave the experience satisfied.
Also probably the most vanilla in Riize, you're his first and he's still figuring out the ropes, definitely wouldn't be into BDSM.
Maybe over time after you've been together a while but for the time being he's more than happy with missionary.
He does eventually get over his cumming too quickly problem but he's almost disappointed, he kinda liked the humiliation. 🤭
Aftercare is more of a joint activity with him, prefers to both take care of you and be taken care of.
You've gotten in the habit of alternating who gets to be the small spoon.
He also likes to talk after sex but it's more like him quickly rambling before falling asleep mid sentence.
Also gets the cutest bed head the morning after.
♡ ♡ Anton ♡ ♡
Sigh.....MY MAN MY MAN MY MAAANNN okay sorry wait-
This is gonna be long because he's my favourite, tee hee.
I don't think he's a Virgin but he's mostly inexperienced, hasn't really done a whole lot but knows the basics.
I mean have you seen all the shit he was up to? Swimming competitively, playing the cello, being an Idol, this man doesn't have time for anything.
Also another one that takes his time dating you before you two sleep together, I don't think he'd wanna sleep with you if he wasn't sure you two would eventually be official.
Also another switch, leans dom though, specifically soft dom.
This man is PACKING, we've all seen that one screenshot, definitely the "Big and doesn't know what to do with himself" trope.
Would honestly prefer a more experienced partner, tell him what to do because he doesn't know.
Also has a size kink, you could only be like two inches shorter than him but the fact that you're shorter at all gets him going, it's not just about height either.
He's broad as hell so he loves giving you back hugs, especially when you're brushing your teeth so he can see himself engulf you, that visual really gets him going.
Unexpectedly kind of a tease, leans into kiss you but pulls back just before your lips touch his, passing you a big smile when you pout.
Also speaking of him being huge...his hands....okay listen listen.
Whenever he plays the cello I can only think of one thing...
There's no way his clit rubbing game isn't on point, not too hard, not too soft, keeps it at a consistent pace, doesn't loose it mid way...
NEED THAT. DESIRE THAT.
Also his fingers are so long? He has the biggest hands in Riize, I just know they can do some damage.
Loved laying your back against his chest and reaching down to finger you, has a arm wrapped around your waist so you can't push him away.
"sshhh it's okay baby, just stay still. let me make you feel good"
Also loves giving and recieving head, I already wrote a whole fic centered around him eating pussy so I won't go into details about that here.
He loves watching you struggle to take his cock into your mouth, it's nearly impossible to get it all down and it makes his size kink go crazy.
He rarely finishes in your mouth because seeing you struggle to suck him off makes him want to fuck you right then and there.
Gets so sleepy after sex, like wants to fall asleep then and there type of sleepy. He isn't great at aftercare solely because he gets lazy and just wants to sleep and also because again he isn't that experienced.
Will eventually get a hang of it though, will clean you up and praise you, he doesn't even really do it on purpose it just kinda slips out, how you're so pretty, how you feel so soft, how much he loves you etc etc.
Wants you to sleep on top of him because feeling your weight on top of him is comforting.
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Really hope y'all like this, writing these was so fun
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#riize x reader#riize x you#riize x y/n#riize imagines#riize scenarios#riize hard thoughts#riize hard hours#riize smut#seunghan x reader#seunghan smut#seunghan imagines#seunghan hard hours#seunghan hard thoughts#sohee x reader#sohee smut#sohee hard thoughts#sohee imagines#sohee hard hours#anton smut#anton x reader#anton imagines#anton hard thoughts#anton hard hours
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⋆⁺₊⋆ 𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆
more oc redesigns: oliver!!
#my art#my ocs#art#i got extremely motivated after all the attention cricket got i started this really fast#and probably could have finished it a week ago if i hadn't gone on a family trip for thanksgiving#its finally done now tho#i have new outfit ideas for griffen and cricket :]#and i also wanna redesign my fursona#it will be pretty swag to get it all done before the year ends#then everyone would have gotten a redesign this year#except apollo but he got one last year and im still happy with it
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MY WORK FOR @dsmpherozine !! @salt-oftheearth did SUCH a great job on the script and it was so fun to work on this with everyone!!!!! So happy with how this came out and SO fuckin hyped seeing everyones works put together!!!!!
#dream smp#philza#kristin minecraft#philza minecraft#cphilza#god its been so long since ive posted any dsmp related art lmao#this will. probably also be the last! but im really happy i got to be involved in this its such a cool project i had so much fun with it#virgil arts#man this is so cool#im gonna keep saying that over and over again lmao#also. shout out to the mods for being so nice about delays lmao i got so busy the last month and was trying so hard to get it done on time
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just finished s2 of kaiji and it was good i really liked it but i hope i never see that fuckass pachinko machine again!!!
#i started ep 15 assuming hey the climactic battle against the swamp of despair is probably gonna be like 6 episodes max right#bc the op has hyoudou and roulette so there's a third game on the way#and from about the fourth episode on i kept going man it's gotta end next episode right they can't have That much more they can do with it#TWELVE EPISODES OF ONE GAME OF PACHINKO. YOU'RE JOKING#and watching it animated is one thing but im surprised fans of the manga didnt string him up in the street for this#im not joking i sunk cost fallacied my way through the entire thing in one sitting it was so much fucking pachinko#and spoilers spoilers spoilers but the BUILDING??? the BUILDING. jumping the shark a Little there to be so fr with you all#head in my hands kaiji i love you your life is ridiculous. the last episode having him blow his meager winnings on pachinko like the day#after was insane to me HAVENT YOU HAD ENOUGH???? I CERTAINLY HAVE#augh and like. guhh hes so nice hes such a nice protagonist im. in love with him a little bit#i do wish he was a Little more tempted by the money bc i liked that component earlier on#ah actually i think the main object of the fights becoming Figuring Out How To Out-Cheat The Enemy was less cool#don't get me wrong it was fun but i Really liked the more raw nobody knows whats going on vibes of the first two#and the group dynamics of rrps and the human derby were so delicious to me. also i wish s2 had more torture implements#the cheating thing makes sense progression-wise it's just a preference thing. the human derby hit me insanely hard#so it's kind of hard for anything to compete after that y'know?#actually very happy kaiji is still addicted to gambling at the end. like it's a happy ending bc he's debt free but like. he's not gonna#stay that way. and maybe thats a weird thing to be happy about but i think it's a choice that makes sense#he's got no reason to give it up and has become emotionally dependent on it. the series' concern w gambling as inherently self-destructive#and its sympathy towards ppl who see it as their last hope is like. really cool and idk i think it keeps kaiji real to never let that go#ok i just looked it up and the manga does continue. my ass will be reading it for sure#so idk how faithful the anime ending is but yeah. anyway i really really liked it this was good for me like emotionally#fkmt#ive heard the next arc is mahjong which is sick bc i like 80% know how mahjong works from yakuza#maybe this will help me grasp the final 20% (<- should just look up the rules or something)#what else. right i think it's funny that there's like 2 women total. The most allergic to women series ive ever seen and thats Impressive#the 2nd op is comedically cheeks like just Bad. very fun recognizing the band from the shitass 1st h.xh ed#im like 95% sure hidenari ugaki plays a side character in an episode but it's not listed on his behind the VAs so. alas.#2nd ed is fun bc while i Hate the trope it's doing i love seeing kaiji being put in Situations (clearly)#anyway. it's really good you guys should watch kaiji
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would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol
i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki
#snap chats#haha see i told you last post's tags were relevant#anyway vLKVJEVLKAEJVLKJ IM CRYING ANON youre so funny. this is the funniest ask i coulda got thank you so much#i dont know why i like him either <- yes i do#fine lets get Real Talk about it#well first off all i thought he looked hot rolling out the elevator and i was playing the eng dub and i think his voice sounds hot there#and thats like. not athing that happens to me ever <- literally thought sawashiro was hot two frames into the game but anyway#i like politician characters. or characters that are in a position of power ESPECIALLY if they have to act like they dont suck balls#like i very much love the idea of the power of charisma and that type of thing not to mention the 'strategizing' as aoki puts it#that comes with politics. LIKE HE SUCKS DONT GET IT TWISTED HE SUCKS BUT //shrug emoji//#like its why i love the mine rggo stories i like seeing mine's thought process and how he uses his intelligence#smart's sexy to me idk what to tell you but moving on#its fun watching him lose his cool too ESP IN HIS FIGHT LMAO HE STOMPIN HIS FOOT LIKE A TODDLER SHUT UP#i also really love the arakawa family in general and thinking of aoki's relationship with each of them makes my brain explode#especially him and sawashiro that shit is painful to watch and i love it so much#i also thought him going from goth to republican was the funniest shit in the world like i howled at that AND i was distraught#aokis so interesting to me from the notion that he IS loved by his family but he has so much hatred for himself it eats him up#and as a result he cant be happy no matter what he does- how hes constantly seeking validation even if it's nothing meaningful#his lil. Dog-Eat-Dog world world belief to ichi also appealed to my edgy depressed high schooler brain. sorry.#his speech at the lockers also got to me. unfortunately. sorry everyone i empathized too hard it got too real it wasnt funny anymore#like as much as i complain bout the very end the ending is what solidified me liking aoki if not also cause of ichi's impact in those scene#plus... analyzing him and the environment around him is so much fun too....#idk reasons for why i like aoki also boil down to personal reasons. he still sucks tho so i cant be upset when people hate him LOL#i probably have more reasons or could elaborate more i love rambling but i mean. who really wants to read all that 💀💀#maybe for a character that WASNT the worst but. aoki is so LMAO#thank you for loving my art regardless :) im sorry i have to be attached to the worst guys ever
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being moved to a different classroom for my last week while the head of the program pretends she's doing me a favor but she's really doing my supervisor a favor 🙃
#she said she wanted me not to feel bad and be in a bad situation#but im p sure she did it bc my supervisor was up in the office talking shit ant me again this morning#she was acting all nice but 🤨#she's not nice soooo#also she didn't even follow up when i mentioned safety concerns for the kids when she asked why i was leaving#and she didn't ask me to stay#she did seem sympathetic but idk my co teacher thinks it was a favor to our supervisor to keep her happy#bc thry still think she walks on water#im so worried for the kids but it should be less stressful in t2#also the teacher i swapped with today saw me two hours later and she was like: girl i get it 💀💀💀#lmao#so sad for the kids tho#but excited abt new opportunities#but i did want to have the time to say goodbye to the kids#its probably better to transition them this way bc they'll still see me a little bit the last week but not all day#and get used to me not always being there#so they won't care as much when i'm completely gone the week after 😭#but they were crying at thebgate between the playgrounds today and it was really hard#i was holding finn's hand over the gate 🥺#then we combined classes for the end of the day on the playground and that was like 10 minutes before i went home#so they got happy for a bit then broke down again when i said goodbye 😭#teddy was screaming at the door the whole time after i left 😭#i watched thru the classroom window while the other teachers were consoling them and it was so sad 💔#i've only had one cry when i went home before but this time it was half of them#bc they barely saw me all day then i left as soon as they thought i was going to stay#anyway#i have a job interview tomorrow and surgery#and maybe a second job interview#trying to focus on that rn#still glad i'm quitting but 💔
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gonna just throw out some of my original work/ oc content here bc otherwise they live in my head only and i like some of my recent work <3
a compilation of recent bandsona doodles! did you know you can do figure studies but then draw your own oc over the model? it gives me a lot of joy to draw my little silly bandsona in those poses sdjhfskdjfdhsk (i take most of my figure study references from 速写班长 and some from taking my own pictures)
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and then i have a little wlw zombie comic page:
which could mean nothing!!! but also it's a little practice for getting used to the software's panel tools again + storyboarding + tone material;; but also putting down words are hard. which is why i draw animatics and don't draw comics :DDDD but yeah partially inspired by that one quote that goes lord i worry love is violence and partially inspired by other things
#kk rambles#my art#oc content#idk it's just been a hard time not having an appetite and also feeling guilty for having any emotions#it's been a back and forth of i shouldn't repress myself vs but this sort of self control is probably for the better#if everyone else is better off then it's okay if i die quietly! those sort of vibes#but also the “if other people want things that directly cause you to suffer you should disregard their opinion”#do not go off on self-destructive behavior in the name of self sacrifice for someone who doesn't care about having you in their life thank#but the urge to just be complicit and agreeable in my own ego death is overwhelmingly strong and i think i am losing unfortunately#it's really a i'll do whatever you say! sounds good! moment#as long as it makes you happy! as long as you're doing better#i'll have the will to combat this at some point it's just not today#my friend told me that unfortunately what eventually got them to stop ruminating was that they found someone they liked#and im wondering maybe if that's the easy way out. to have something new and exciting to be looking forward to.#or i could also just wait out another 2 years. it worked out last time anyway.#positive mindset!!! i have so much patience and so little patience both at the same time it's crazy
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Currently I have so many bg3 saves bc I refuse to delete my old ones that will likely never be finished (first ever gameplays, not optimized, everytime I open one I get overwhelmed and stop), but also because I keep making new games with the specific purpose of romancing a certain companion, seeing special dialog, doing a specific style of run, or getting an achievement on steam.
#simon says#currently the 4 that I have right now are fun but I wanna do a new one bc I like making characters and being silly#so far I have:#sad bardlock that was originally going to be a no-romance 'everyone's worst ending' run but then I finally decided to romance shadowheart#since the two of them absolutely give off sad lesbian vibes and just seem to make eachother better#because a doom and gloom bardlock constantly saying 'that sounds lovely :)' to anything shar related quickly made Shadowheart happy#next up is big hulking non-lolthsworn drow who is a cleric of Mystra#because I want to see how a cleric of mystra works with Gale and so far it has SUCH fun interactions#... Jak'ith. my gith jack-of-all-trades romancing Lae'zel#i would be a liar if I didn't say doing a legit jack of all trades run as a gith romancing Lae'zel wasn't the most fun out of all my saves#the interactions are so fucking funny I love it#like I highly recommend a gith lae'zel romance because it's so much fun just bouncing back and forth in dialog#and I got REALLY into stealing after playing Jak'ith so I made a duegar thief who is gonna eventually be a druid#and im gonna make her an exclusively Halsin romance bc I saw some of the duegar dialog options with him and I thought it would be funny#since my last Wyll romance went south (i had hubris in honor mode and lost it all) and I have still yet to romance Karlach or Minthara#those 3 are on my list for characters to make and play bc I haven't explored those routes yet#i also want to try doing a true goody two shoes durge run and a true evil durge run#obviously the evil run will probably be the Minthara romance#also on this list I am ignoring Astarion bc I have romanced him twice now in my two old durge runs so unless I can think of something unique#then im not doing anything with him for a while#well except playing as him#i got an old playthrough with him I should continue bc I wanted to see what his origin stuff would be like in act 3#at some point I do want to origin run all the origin characters bc it sounds really cool#but I want to get a good idea of their character arcs before I do#also for the achievements:#Jak'ith is the jack of all trades no Withers help achievement#My bardlock is the busking 100 gold one#and I want to do a punch drunk build at some point#which would probably be a monk bc of the drunken master robes you can get#but yeah I will probably end up with like 8 or more saves in the end
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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before#and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️
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oh yeah we were also wondering why we flock to media with dead kids that haunt the narrative both figuratively and literally and uh :) yeah we know why
#child death tw#rowan seemed so much older when we were kids#but realistically she was barely like 14#maybe even 12 or 13#Jason Todd chara and asriel. them mfs from fnaf and maria#they’re dead kids but at the end of the day they’re all apart of someone else’s story#and a lot of them come back. in one way shape or form#with the exception of maria they all come back wrong and hurt and twisted by their deaths#but still deserving of love. still craving it more than anything#being a vessel for someone else’s opinions. barely even themselves#rowan died. and a part of us died with her#that was probably uh.. yknow. That guys last real time being here#cheri took all the stuff as kid. all of it happened to them but buddy boy was still kinda around#and then rowan died and then. She did too#and then Jay had to take over for years and then cheri came back but didn’t know they were cheri until#like they were 17 because they just repressed repressed repressed#and obviously those are very shallow views of those characters#but to a hurting kid who resonated so much with them they were everything#I have no clue why I’m so introspective tonight#but my friends do call me the emotion guy so#I guess it means something. but yeah something died in us when rowan died#but something was also born. rowan was a person. a little girl who should’ve grown up and that’ll never change#but I think this year is the year that we learn to let her go#im happy i got the chance to know her when we did#I hope she’s a fucking butterfly or something really cool like an alligator if her next life#also we already knew why we flocked to this media because duh. but like it helps to know which part of us needs more healing#who needs a therapist when you have me ;)
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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight
#so really this is all your fault /lh /j#i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy#VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP#i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud#CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST#i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw#that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly#desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around#like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT#his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me#how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil#and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it#like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her#i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him#the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why#when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past#once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber#i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over#zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik#like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove#RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up#big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home#like i kind of feel bad for him in a way#but i feel bad for everyone#i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row#especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again
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update stuff
because friday is my art posting day i've literally been in a conundrum about stuff... like not every commission that comes my way is some big bitch!!! and i kinda built a brand for awhile on posting my big beautiful catgirl on fridays. im slowly working through like. doing this stuff As A Job™ (which is insanely difficult believe me) while still being aware that im on a time limit because i'll be back at school in the fall...
but im almost through my queue! i'll be starting my last wips tomorrow and then probably reopening slots early on in the week! once im through this current queue honestly i'm probably gonna. not do stuff for a week or so as i take care of other stuff (i have a completely different job in ttrpg work, believe it or not).
the next batch of commission slots will be a bit pricier than the last and there'll be fewer, but its moreso because at my current rate its just not tenable! after i open slots again towards the end of this month, i'll probably open them one last time towards the latter half of august and that'll be it for the summer. i might take one or two here and there throughout the proceeding school year, but in all actuality im probably staring down the barrel of the most stressful one i've ever had.
ty to everyone who likes to come and look at my silly little drawings!!! getting to a stage in my life where it actually seems possible to subsist off of my commissions is really heartening, and i owe it to people who reblog and retweet and buy my services ;w;
happy fat girl friday night gay people!!!! im gonna keep drawing big bitches!!!!!!!!
#kakitalk#update post#as much as i enjoy drawing other people's characters its been grating on me for awhile now that i havent had time to draw my own#which i was looking forward to for summer!!! its a lot to go through 9 months of hell in academia#and then to inflict another 3 of intense work upon yourself#also figuring out rates and payment stuff and taxes... self-employment is scary and it makes my head hurt#ive had a few people ask at this point about a patreon??? which im totally open to#but i probably wouldnt be able to really futz around with it again until next year#the hell school which i cannot name because it is infamously litigious likes to work each student to the very literal brink of heart failur#so doing lots of actual Work™ that people pay me for is functionally impossible when im in class#that being said#i'm gonna graduate in like a year or so! i've got four quarters left#so about fall of *next* year i'll be taking my last classes for my bachelors#inbetween now and then i'll be working to do a number of things#INCLUDING setting up a patreon and a shop!#it'll be stuff i workshop in my free time probably but i'll do polls every now and again on stuff people would enjoy buying from me#nota fakename pinup calendar....#anyway these tags are an abyss at this point#happy fat girl friday gay people have a good one!!!!!#long post
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I am melting into a puddle like the wicked witch
#i speak#i need this heat to STOP#and i need more cold days#and i need time to stop for a few months#ughhh this about to be the worst few months#ive got death anniversaries coming up and birthdays for those dead ppl coming up and my birthday#and siblings birthdays and ugh these seasons already fuck with my emotions#and now theres these things and this heat and my lead teacher fucking sucks as a person#and my work mom is quitting this month and its just going to be one thing after another#and its legit gonna be a thing where i am gonna be late some days bc of how overwhleming this is going to get#kinda feel like that song ‘wake me up when september ends’? yall know the one#but its more like ‘wake me up when october begins’#i think I’ll be okay being a person in october#last year i didnt even really remember that it was my birthday/my graduation anniversary bc everything kind of fell to the wayside#and i dont mean to sound any bit bratty about it but it fucking sucks that even as an adult i cant find happiness at my birthday/graduation#anniversary bc literally smack dab jn the middle of those dates my grandpa died#so its like i hate feelimg mad about it but also what do you mean im probably never going to be happy on my birthday?#god it just sucks#vent#sorry#just ignore this literally
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interrupting non-rgg posting with non-rgg posting do you guys wanna look over my pros-vs-cons list of grocery shopping today thanks
#not rgg#snap chats#i didnt do the full shopping yesterday cause it was late by the time i got to go out and near all the shops were closing OOPS#my bestie asleep so i cant ask her :( this also feel like a dumbass question anyway so it my turn to ask everyone a question <3#anyway review the list with me. ok.#cause the pros of going is that I Get Tasty Food. And Probably More Shit I Didn't Need#i get to buy snacks for my class tomorrow#im wearing a nice outfit :) and that means i get to walk around and wear it more. no one'll comment on it but i'll be happy wearing it#cons: i was JUST at ebisu yesterday and HUUUGE doubt i'll be remembered by the cashier#but the cameras will remember me....#i should finish up the last two comms i have (though counter argument is that i can finish those when i get home)#i finished one this morning so i dont feel too guilty bout not getting work done#yeah thats. thats really it. 🧍♂️#like i really cant think of another con 🧍♂️ AND YOUD THINK THAT'S GREENLIGHTS THEN BUT....#cause im tihnking of grocery shopping today but it feels weird to do it on a thursday#But Today's Also PROBABLY The Best Day To Do It#anyway if everyone may indulge me being a dummy just this once. thanks <3#im gonna work on one of those remaining comms for like an hour. or until i finish the lineart. so like twenty minutes ☠️#and ill see how i feel then#sorry im obsessed with going to the city over i love walking and walking into shops and being alive
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Did the stuff exchange 👍 that sucked 👍 wahoo
#speculation nation#i was very curt bc i just wanted to get it over with.#kinda wish id given her a piece of my mind but whatever#i did shut the door rather forcefully in her face. which hopefully said plenty.#and then i cried bc it just felt so Cold. a stark difference from the last time i saw her.#man ive come to accept it's probably for the best overall but the suddenness of it still sucks so bad.#also the 'i never actually loved you' thing. what an asshole thing to say.#she also missed one of the stuffed animals and it's one i wanted to have back Especially#bc it's a pair with one that i own. i want my little bee's axolotl friend back And i dont want her owning the other one of a pair.#she seemed to really love this deer before. said it gave her a lot of comfort to hug at night.#so i wanted it back especially too. i dont want her getting any more comfort from my prior affection for her.#i just hope that seeing me reminded her that im a real fucking person that she fucked over.#like yeah shes got her new 'love' yadda yadda yadda but she strung me along for 6 fucking months#then broke up with me over fucking TEXT. saying some incredibly insensitive things as she did so.#even if they were the truth. there are still some things that dont need said i think. especially to someone who has trust issues.#but most of all she shouldve fucking done it in person or At Least on the phone.#i told her plenty already how cowardly and horrible it was for her to break up with me over text#and i want to scream it from the rooftops and carve it into her tires#but i wont. because ive said it enough. and being too destructive wont make anyone happy.#not even me.#it just feels like such an injustice. and i feel so angry and hurt.#i can understand and accept that it's probably for the best that the relationship ended here#but that doesnt make the manner it was done hurt any less.#and jesus i thought i was the asshole for how i broke up with my girlfriend last year. at least i broke up with her in person!!!!#i didnt even get that. what a whole load of bullshit.#anyways im gonna play my samurai game. and focus the best i can on just moving on.
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