#this whole thing changed nat's personality so much

[sadpotatoreads]

making nat da silva, andie bell's best friend was the worst mistake script writers could've done cause she was anything but that.

[traveler-at-heart]

Across the Natashaverse

Summary: Through a small accident, you end up in another universe. What happens when you find out that your relationship with Natasha is very different here?

Natasha Romanoff x F!R

Life is good.

No missions for the week, done with training and fresh off the shower, you walk down the halls of the Compound.

“Someone’s in a good mood” Wanda comments when you join her at the kitchen. “Did Natasha change her mind about the date?”

Your smile falls immediately and her eyes widen.

“Shoot, I’m sorry”

“Nah, it’s fine” you steal a cookie from her plate and shrug your shoulders. “It was two weeks ago. She doesn’t see me that way, I get it”

“I don’t think it’s that” Wanda insists and you smile.

“You’re a hopeless romantic, Maximoff” you lean forward and place a kiss on the top of her head. The brunette chuckles, going back to the book she was reading.

As you walk to your room, you try not to think of Natasha. But it’s a small world, and she’s on her way to the gym, America Chavez right behind her.

“I’m on training duty” the redhead explains. “Wanna join us?”

“I have so much paperwork” you lie, because you’re very tired and have been looking forward to a nap. “Kick some butt, America”

“I’ll try” she doesn’t sound convinced at all.

Natasha smiles at you, waiting for your signature wink that always gets her heart racing.

But there’s not even a look back as you go to your room.

She really screwed up this time.

—

You weren’t exactly lying about the paperwork, and you work on it for half an hour to feel like you’re doing something productive with your day.

With a yawn, you stand up from the desk in your room and walk towards the bed. As you’re about to plop down, there’s a shift in the room and you land on your ass, the bed on the other side of the wall.

“What the fuck?” you say, looking around.

The room looks different. It’s the same size, but none of your stuff is there. Same thing with the hallways. It’s the Compound, but at the same time… it’s not. You walk out of the room, this time on spy mode, ready to take down the imminent threat.

“Y/N?” Natasha calls behind you and you rush to her side.

“Nat, hey. There’s something wrong. Stay close” you take her hand, and she stops you with a pull.

“I’ll say”

“Huh?” you turn, only to find her face inches away from yours.

“Where’s your wedding ring?”

“My… what?” you look down at your hands, confused. Natasha moves her face closer and you can’t focus on anything else.

“Oh, I see. Are you still angry about the other day? Because I can totally make it up to you, detka” Natasha whispers seductively against your lips, leaving a trail of kisses all the way to the shell of your ear.

“Nat.. uh… I think…”

“Use your words, pretty girl” she smiles, her hand going up your shirt to caress the skin.

And suddenly, she looks down, frowning.

“Where’s your scar?”

“I don’t have a…”

Natasha turns into a whole different person, placing you in a chokehold and holding both your arms down.

“Who are you? Are you a skrull?”

“I don’t know what that is” you say, gasping for air. “Wait, are they the ones Carol works with?”

“Who is Carol?”

“Captain Marvel”

“You mean Maria Rambeau”

“Maria is Captain Marvel?” you say, finally piecing together what’s happening. When your eyes lock with Natasha’s, you speak at the same time.

“You’re from another world”

“I’m from another world”

Even if she doesn’t let go, her grip on you losens enough for you to breathe. She’s about to ask something else when a little girl walks up and pulls your hand, getting your attention.

“Mama, what are you and Mommy doing?”

—

“Walk me through what happened”

“Nothing happened! I was doing paperwork in my room and then I was here” you say for the tenth time.

“How about before?” Natasha asks, turning right. Her idea was to drive you straight to Wong, as a multiverse travel is more of his specialty.

“I ran into you. I mean, not you. My Natasha. Wait, not my. She’s not mine” you mumble, massaging your temples. “Please tell me there’s ibuprofen in this world”

“Relax” she reaches forward, placing a hand on your thigh and you swear you’ll combust. “I get the idea. Now tell me what happened”

“We just ran into the hallway. Made some small talk. And then I went to my room”

“Just small talk?” Natasha smirks. “Not some kisses? A quickie against the wall? An earth shattering, universe transcending orgasm?”

You try to open the door and jump out of the moving car but it’s locked.

“It’s not… we’re not a thing. Just friends” you say, flustered.

“Really?” Natasha finally turns to you, as she parks outside of the not so secret lair at Bleecker street.

“Wait. It was America Chavez” you remember, facepalming. Of course. “Natasha was training her. Maybe she created a portal by accident”

“And now my wife is in another universe where you’re too chicken to ask me out. Can’t imagine that will go well for her”

“Hey, it’s not like that” you snap, embarrassed. Natasha turns to you, ready to speak back, as usual. Because she’s so smart and she thinks she knows everything. “Whatever. Let’s just get this shit fixed, I don’t wanna be here”

Walking past her, you stand before the big doors, that open up without knocking

“Welcome” the man says. “I take it you’re the little glitch in our universe”

“Yes, I am. Can you fix it?”

“No. But America can. She has been at Kamar-Taj for a year now. Her powers are more developed. It should be an interesting test for her”

“Ok, so what are we waiting for?”

“There have been some security concerns lately” Natasha explains, coming closer. “Wong has to notify their council to follow protocol”

“I’ll come find you tomorrow. Remember, the longer you stay here, the bigger the threat for both worlds”

“Yes, fine. See you tomorrow” you say, looking at your feet as you leave the building. Going down the steps, you can hear Natasha calling after you. “I’m walking back to the Compound. It’s the same route. I can wait for Wong there”

“We don’t live in the Compound” Natasha explains, her voice gentle. She waits until you turn back and searches your eyes. “Look, I’m sorry about what I said before. Come with me. I’ll feel better if I know you’re safe with us”

There’s a pause, and she waits patiently while you look around. But Natasha’s presence is like a magnet, and inevitably, your eyes come back to her beautiful features.

“What’s so funny?” she says when you chuckle.

“You do the same thing. Tilt your head to the side, purse your lips… it’s cute. In every universe”

“Sweet talker. Come on. Let’s go” she offers her hand and you accept it.

It takes an enormous amount of effort to remind yourself this isn’t the Natasha you know. And that you’re not the one she loves.

You’re so caught up in these thoughts you don’t notice when she pulls over.

“Ice cream always cheers you up” she explains, getting out of the car.

“Yeah, I guess we’re not that different”

She smiles, holding the door open for you. Well, at least the flavors are the same in this universe.

“I’ll have the peanut butter with chocolate chips”

“You’re allergic” Natasha says.

“I’m not”

“You’re not?” she repeats, while the man behind the counter looks at both of you, confused.

“Nope”

Once that’s settled, you get your ice cream cones and leave the store.

“Why are you staring?” you say, mouth full of ice cream.

“I’m just waiting for the hives and the runny nose”

“I’m not allergic” you insist, showing your arms, skin completely normal.

“Fine” she concedes, shrugging her shoulders. You keep eating in silence, until she turns back. “Wanna tell me why you got so upset?”

“Because. I did ask you… her out. She said no. I wasn’t a chicken; I gave her flowers and put myself out there. But I’m obviously the problem, because in this universe, everything works out to the point of you two getting married and having a daughter”

You take a seat in a nearby bench, feeling defeated. What a cruel thing, to see the life you could have had.

“Maybe she’s not ready. I was terrified when we started dating. Thought I’d screw it up because I knew nothing of love”

That’s what Wanda probably meant earlier. It’s a possibility that crossed your mind as well, but whatever the reason, Natasha had declined the date (looking very apologetic, you might add) and you were going to respect that choice.

“Or maybe she just doesn’t want me. And that’s ok. Because no matter what happens, I love my Natasha. And I’ll always want her to be happy”

Silence settles after you say that, but Natasha looks back at you, smiling.

“You’re very noble. It’s nice to see some things are the same across worlds”

“It’s nice to know there’s a version of me that makes a version of her happy”

Natasha smiles and nods.

“Let’s get home. Anya is waiting for us”

—

“Home sweet home” Natasha says, opening the door for you. It’s a beautiful townhouse, with lots of space in the backyard. All the walls are covered in pictures, and you can’t help but stare at all the memories that belong to a different version of you.

They seem like a happy family.

“Mommy” Anya says, and it takes a second to remember that she’s talking to you.

“Hey, sweetheart” you don’t hesitate to carry her as she comes running towards you. Natasha is keeping a watchful eye on you. “What is that?”

“That’s my Miffy, silly” she says and you bounce her in your arms, while she shows you her plushie.

Yelena joins you and you can’t help but stare. Her hair is black, short and she has bangs. There are also a couple of piercings in her nose and eyebrows.

“Did you cut your hair? Looks nice” she comments, picking up her stuff and getting ready to go. You simply nod and smile. “Gotta go, see you tomorrow for dinner with Kate, ok?”

Natasha’s sisters kisses everyone goodbye, including you and then bolts out the door.

“Baby, did you bath yet?” Natasha says, approaching Anya. The girl hides her face in the crook of your neck.

“I don’t wanna”

“You’re stinky” Natasha accuses, tickling the girl; Anya gives up and goes from your arms to the redhead’s. “Come on, and then I’ll start dinner”

“I can take care of that” you offer and Natasha’s eyes widen. Anya uses Natasha’s hair as a curtain, and thinks you can’t hear what she says.

“I don’t want Mommy to cook”

“What? Why?”

“You can’t cook” Natasha says. Well, that’s just bullshit. In your world, Natasha’s always the first in line to get a good serving of whatever it is you do.

“Go, I got this” you insist when Natasha puts Anya down. The redhead looks back several times, unsure. My God, how bad could the other you be in this world to get this reaction?

Luckily, once they are done with the bath, Anya comes back, pulling her mother and commenting that the smell is incredible.

“Mommy didn’t burn the kitchen!”

“Has that actually happened?” you mumble to Natasha and she nods. “Yikes”

The redhead laughs, and nudges your shoulder with hers.

“This is really good” she admits after trying your chicken pasta bake.

“Thinking about keeping me?”

“Maybe” she jokes. “Or bring you over when I don’t feel like cooking”

Of course, Anya doesn’t understand what you’re talking about. She tells you about her day with aunt Yelena and all you have to do is listen and nod.

“I’ll do the dishes” you offer after you finish.

“Come say goodnight to her”

“Will do”

While you clean, you try not to think about what life will be like tomorrow, when you go back to a world where things are different.

“She fell asleep in the middle of a Clifford story” Natasha comes back after a few minutes. “It’s probably because she ate so much”

“I’ll leave the recipe for you” you promise. “Mind if I crash in the couch?”

“Right” the redhead smiles, and you can tell she’s nervous by the way she fidgets with her hands. You reach forward, taking them in yours.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t really sleep without… her”

“I can stay on the bedroom floor”

“I couldn’t possibly ask you to”

“You’re not asking. I’m offering” you assure her.

By the time you’re done with cleaning the kitchen, there’s an inflatable mattress, pillows and a blanket.

“Let me know if you’re comfortable” Natasha asks, turning off the bedroom lights.

“Or what? You’ll let me sleep cuddled up? It wouldn’t be good for the space and time continuum that I kick my own butt”

“I actually think she’d find it funny” Natasha says, and you let her voice lull you in the dark. “She’s probably teasing your Natasha endlessly, trying to get her to admit some sort of feelings for you”

“She has a death wish” you groan, admittedly forgetting that the Natasha you know is having a less than pleasant time right now.

“What is she like?” Natasha says after a few moments of silence.

“She’s the smartest person in any room. Hates cooking and doing dishes. Always looking out for others, always taking on the most missions. She’s really funny too. Sometimes, Bucky will ask anyone for movie recs and Natasha will give a completely made up title. So, Barnes will go crazy looking around for it”

“Oh, I’m so doing that next time” you both laugh.

“Great ass too” you say after a beat and a pillow is thrown across the room and falls right in your face. “Hey!”

“Go to sleep”

—

Next morning, you figure it’s only fair to cook some breakfast before Wong calls you over.

Which, he does, sooner than expected.

Anya is barely finished with breakfast, when Natasha comes down the stairs and looks at you.

“It’s time”

Feeling nervous, and a bit sad, you nod. Wanda shows up a few minutes later. To your shock, in this world, she’s pregnant.

“Thank you for taking care of her, it really won’t take long” Natasha says as soon as she steps inside.

The brunette eyes you curiously, and you can tell by her magic that she knows this isn’t your world.

“You know I’m always happy to”

At the door, Natasha picks up Anya and kisses her everywhere she can. The girl giggles once her mother places her down.

“Hey, bug” you kneel on the floor. “Be good. Your moms will be back soon, ok?”

“Ok, mommy. See you soon”

“Bye, Anya” you say, letting her hug you. Once you’re out the door, Natasha reaches for your hand, and squeezes lightly.

The ride to Bleeker street is silent. Wong seems pleased when he sees you.

“Follow me, ladies” he asks, opening up a portal to Kamar Taj. You’d only been there once; the size of the place always makes you feel like you’re in another planet.

A much older version of America greets you -she’s probably in her twenties- and takes your hand for a second, closing her eyes.

“Ready to go home?” she asks.

“Wait!” Natasha calls behind you and you turn, eyes wide. To your surprise, the woman hugs you, and you wrap her in your arms as well. When she pulls away, she places a small kiss on your cheek. “Anyone would be lucky to have you. She’s an idiot if she can’t see that”

“Thanks, Nat. Not about the idiot part. Be kind to every version of yourself, yes?”

“Fine” she rolls her eyes, squeezing your hand one last time.

You’re about to step into the portal when you turn to America.

“This won’t send me into the middle of a busy road or like, free falling to my death, right?”

“Most likely not” she promises.

You don’t like the sound of that.

“Ok, but on a scale of one to ten…”

“For Agamoto’s sake” Wong sighs behind you, pushing you without warning.

The room is completely upside down and then you land in the middle of the meeting table, the Avengers around you screaming.

“Son of a bitch” Steve says as you roll to the floor, out of air.

“Language” you manage to say. Everyone’s rushing to you. Sam is the first one and he helps you up. They are all talking at the same time, Wanda inspecting the cut on your forehead from falling on the table.

Suddenly, Natasha nudges them aside, wrapping you in her arms.

“Hey, it’s ok. It’s me” you say against her temple.

“We’ll leave you alone. Go to the medbay, though”

“Yes, Cap”

You’re in no hurry, Natasha safely in your arms.

—

“So, what happened while I was gone?” you casually ask as Natasha cleans the cut.

“I almost killed you… her. Twice”

“Sounds like you had fun”

“Not really. She’s a smartass. Can’t cook a damn thing, so I made her a pb&j sandwich”

“Oh, yeah. She’s allergic” you grimace. “Wait, you said you almost killed her twice. If one was with peanut butter…”

“The first thing she did when she came to this world was slap my ass”

“She does have a death wish” you joke, but Natasha doesn’t answer, turning around to put the first aid kit away.

“Is it true?” Natasha asks. You look at her, confused. “Are we married? With a daughter?”

“Oh. Yes, it’s true. They seem to be happy. It was nice”

“Was she better than me?”

“Natasha” you say, forcing her to face you. “I have no doubt in my mind that you’re awesome in every universe. But this version of you is the one I know and love. With your love of spy films, the scar in your belly, and your half smirk when you beat everyone at Uno”

“I am really good at Uno” she agrees and you both laugh.

“Damn right you are”

“I missed you. Too much, to the point where I realise I can’t keep pretending I don’t want this. I’m just scared” she says, holding on to your hands. “Will you help me? Be brave for us”

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, love” you promise, kissing her hand softly. “In this, or any other universe”

[justkending]

Mr. & Mrs. Hunt (Chapter 1)

Mini-Series Summary: Two of the most stubborn people in the group partnered together for an undercover mission are also the two people with the most hatred for each other, so what could go wrong? Or is it, what COULDN’T go wrong?…

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger Reader

Word Count: 2700+

A/N Note: OK! Here we go! I'm excited to share this mini-series and what's to come in it. It's a lot more in-depth than I thought it would be, but I love it. I hope you do as well :) Anyway! As always, please let me know what you think, and all comments are welcome!

_____________

“And you chose those two to go on a task together?” Steve exasperated, running a hand over his face as he looked over the video footage in front of them.

“Everyone else was on a mission,” Tony exclaimed. 

“That and it doesn’t matter what their petty vendettas against each other are. They’re professionals at the end of the day that better get their God damn acts together before I personally make them regret it,” Fury countered. 

“Undercover newlyweds seems like a risky assignment for them,” Nat added. “Steve and I have done it before. We can-”

“No, you can not,” Fury cut them off and clicked a button on his desk that swapped the video footage of druglords to a file slowly scrolling. “You both have an assignment I’m sending you in the next hour in correlation to this case. So without your work, theirs is pointless. Got it?”

Nat and Steve shared a quick look before the blonde gave him a curt nod for him to continue. 

Fury went on to explain how an insider of the criminal group had confirmed shipments, including hostages working as drug mules and other illegal substances that hadn’t been tested yet across US borders. A whole operation in itself, but Bucky and Y/N’s job would give them information the current insiders they had on the job weren’t able to attain. 

Y/N and Bucky’s undercover assignment was to act as newlyweds, infiltrate the front runners of the group, and try to become a proven alliance in hopes of joining the group in their ‘business’.

“So we’re on standby with information until they have leads to help our end?” Steve concluded. 

“Yes. And vice versa. You’re running tactical, and they’re running intelligence, although a mix in between,” Fury nodded, handing them a paper copy of the mission.

“And it can’t go the other way?” Nat asked. 

“Your faces have become much too well known in the last few years for it to be passable,” Tony added, arms crossed and reclined in the rolling office chair he couldn’t see to keep stationary. “Bucky doesn’t care for the public eye and has changed appearances since his run from the government, and no one can forget America’s sweetheart over here,” he motioned to Steve.  

“I’ve changed identities enough to get by,” Nat shrugged, watching the brunette carefully. 

“Yes, but Y/N’s face hasn’t graced the nationwide flatscreens nearly as much as yours,” he smiled spryly and fluttered his eyelashes. “Plus, it’s already been decided, so we’re moving on from the argument.”

“How long of an operation are we talking about here if the two have to create a relationship with the front runners of this?” Steve asked.

“Depends on how well the couple can sell it,” Fury crossed his arms. “Speaking of the couple.”

“Shove me again, and you’ll lose another limb that you’ll miss far more than that arm,” Y/N growled as she pushed past the massive body blocking her way into the meeting room. 

“There’s a thing called manners, and it’s free to use them,” Bucky grunted as she shoved him with surprising strength that made him slightly teeter. 

 The group outside of the new additions gave each other a hopeless look. 

“I give it two days,” Steve sighed, resting his head on his fist and watching them as they struggled to find the last open chair. Y/N came on top of the scrabble and shoved him again for extra measures. 

“Jackass,” Bucky mumbled as he leaned against the wall behind her, kicking her chair in extra annoyance. 

“Bitchass,” Y/N retorted, throwing a middle finger behind her. 

“I think you give them too much credit,” Nat let out a dry chuckle before turning to Fury. “Please, break the news to the two idiots so I can have a highlight of this night.” 

“What news?” Y/N furrowed her eyebrows to Fury. She was one of the few people who didn’t show fear towards the walking intimidation of a man. 

“Your next mission,” Tony answered in a long breath. “Where you and Barnes will be known as Mr. and Mrs. Hunt.”

“Excuse me?” Bucky gawked and stood straighter in his spot.

“What’s the date today?” Y/N asked at the same time. 

Bucky came around from her back and gave her a worried yet disgusted look. “I’m sorry. For what reason are you worried about the date?”

She never took her eyes off Fury. “I’m just trying to clarify if it’s April 1st or not because this is a poorly done April Fools joke,” she held an equally intimidating stare at the master in front of her. 

“It’s June. You’re off by a few months,” he replied, unphased and unbreaking. 

“Then I’d like some clarification on who needs a fucking lobotomy, considering that’s the dumbest fucking idea I’ve heard today. And I’ve been around this dumbass for the last 12 hours already,” she jabbed a finger back at Bucky, whose nostrils were flaring. 

“Real classy, Princess,” he said lowly. 

“Thanks, I like to keep it that way, Cyborg,” she replied without turning to him. “But seriously, is it you, Fury, that needs a Psych eval because there is no way in hell you thought this idea would actually work out in your favor.”

The room was silent as the two most intense people in the room had a stare-down. Eventually, Fury spoke up with a smirk on his lips. 

“You better figure the fuck out how to make it work in my favor because any other way isn’t really an option for you, Sergeant Y/L/N.” 

Before Y/N could fire another remark that would likely have put anyone else six feet in the ground, Bucky cut her off. “What’s the mission?”

Y/N finally gave Bucky her attention with a stern face freckled with annoyance. “Teacher’s pet.” Bucky made a face at her before she turned around. 

Fury went on to explain the mission on both their end and Nat and Steve’s. From the sounds of it, it was going to take months of convincing some dicks in the drug trafficking business (covering as presidents of the homeowner association club) that they wanted in on their scheme in order to get the information no one else seems to be able to steal.

“How many sundresses do you own, Y/N? Because I don’t think your rock band, ripped jeans, and Doc Martens are going to convince anyone you’re the baked-you-a-fresh-pie-as-a-hello-to-the-neighborhood-kind of wife,” he added, emphasizing the label he had already created for her undercover character.

“How are they going to take to a half-robotic husband?” she shoved his vibranium hand off the back of her chair.  

“I have technology for that,” Tony jumped in. 

“And I have your credit card for a new wardrobe, so I guess that solves both those problems,” she flashed a fake smile at Tony before crossing her arms snuggly across her chest. 

“You’re gonna have to leave that attitude at home, too,” Bucky got down to whisper in her ear, and he moved fast enough before she could sucker punch him in the face.

“Why not just arrest these two? Why go through the whole process of undercover work if we know they’re running the operation?” Y/N questioned, pivoting side to side in her chair as she thought aloud.

“Because there isn’t solid evidence, thanks to their associates being connected enough to cover shit up,” Fury answered. “And we believe there are multiple parties of their stature in the game. Meaning, we arrest them, the others scatter, and we risk losing a lot of information and take 20 steps back from where we’re at.” 

“Hmm,” she nodded as she stared off into a void space in the room, calculating her approach to this. 

“You’re actually considering this?” Nat asked. “I expected more of a fight.”

“I’m telling myself that it’s the drugs and possible human trafficking I’m doing this for, and tormenting Bucky along the way will be a bonus instead of a nuisance,” she replied with a weak smile like she was still convincing herself that.

“Smart,” Nat shrugged and gave an agreeable face.

“Your flights are leaving in four and a half hours, so I suggest packing your bag of necessities before we ship you off,” Tony sat up from his chair, stretching. “Any other things you need will be provided at the house already set up for you two to play the part of newlyweds. And get used to that word because it's about to become extremely annoying hearing it on repeat. Barnes comes with me to get that looking more human-like,” he pointed at his arm before walking out. 

Bucky scanned over the file in hand and let out a sigh. “We couldn’t get stationed beach somewhere in Hawaii?” 

“You’ll find the mountains rather eye-catching this time of the year,” Fury typed a few things on his desk and clasps his hands behind his back. “And that you don’t have a choice either way. Dismissed.” 

___________________

Y/N’s POV

The amount of junk they had pawned off to us as “newlywed cargo” seemed excessive. Brand new appliances were still in boxes unopened, letters on them saying who had gifted them to us as our “wedding gift” littered the kitchen and entryway. 

I was currently in the guest room unpacking a box of linens and bedding in the spare closet. My mind was a hundred miles away from my physical body, but somehow, I had managed to organize the closet in a surprisingly efficient manner while on autopilot. 

“Honey,” Bucky’s voice came from the hallway, and I took advantage of the times I wasn’t being watched to roll my eyes at the pet name. Before I could respond with a snarky comment, he followed up with, “The next-door neighbors are here to introduce themselves. Wanna come say hi?” 

Showtime. 

“Be right out!” I shouted back, standing from my spot, crouched to the ground, and brushing off one of the many new sundresses now taking up space in my closet.

For clarity, it’s not that I was against them; it just wasn’t my usual taste. Though the freeness of no pants was starting to rub off on me…

Coming around the corner of the hallway to our homey new abode, I plastered an award-winning smile on my face and scanned the two individuals in front of Bucky. I gave Bucky a silent look that read, “Hey sweetheart,” to outsiders and, “The assholes in question?” to a trained eye. 

“Doll,” Bucky started, nodding his head once at my true question and matching my step to wrap an arm around my waist, pulling me close for extra show. “This is Reginold and Bethanne Bauer. They’re our neighbors right across the street from us,” he introduced, adding a squeeze to my hip that I countered with a pinch to his side that he chuckled off. 

The physical touch was for show, but I knew he used it as a way to irritate me further, too. Lucky for me, it’s a two-player game. 

“Please, call me Reggie,” the middle-aged man offered his hand.

The man looked like he played the role of a typical white male living in a cookie-cutter home, but his build showed he wasn’t on the unfit side of things. From the files, he was 42 years old, and he obviously had kept his health a priority because he could have been in his mid 30s, from what I gathered. 

“You must be Charlotte,” Bethanne said, jumping in when her husband didn’t release my hand in a timely manner. “My my, you’re far more beautiful up close,” she said with a sweet smile, though any woman could recognize the hint of judgment in them. 

Bethanne Bauer was a 5’6”, 38-year-old lady with darker blonde hair and a figure that showed she likely was a pilates guru who didn’t take many days off. Her Lululemon leggings and slicked-back bun confirmed this assessment. 

“Well, aren’t you sweet,” I replied with a nose crinkle and a firm squeeze of my hand before drawing it back to rest on Bucky’s chest. “We appreciate you coming by and introducing yourself,” I smiled up to Bucky, who was already looking down at me (what a showman). I leaned my head in the nook of his shoulder as I turned back to them. “We were so nervous about starting over in a new state and weren’t sure what the community would be like. But everyone’s been so kind here in Montana, and you guys are just proving that point.” 

“Oh, this neighborhood is like a family,” Reggie replied, keeping his eyes on me. I'd feel uneasy if I didn’t know how to disarm a man in five hundred ways, but I knew more than 500 ways to get a man like the one in front of me to grovel. “So much so, you may be under careful watch for a while,” he winked, and I forced a laugh out, Bucky pulling me closer to his side at the harmless threat. “I’m just joking with ya,” he waved off with a boisterous laugh of his own, and Bethanne rolled her eyes. 

“He thinks he’s a comedian,” she playfully patted his shoulder. “But really, if you guys need anything at all, we are just a shout away. Or, our welcome to the neighborhood gift basket has our phone numbers in it, too, if you prefer to call.” 

Off to the side, I noticed a cellophane wicker basket with baked goods, a wine bottle, and some gift cards in it. Bucky must have accepted it before I got in here.

“You all are too kind,” I gushed, putting a hand on my chest in appreciation. “See honey,” I swatted Bucky’s chest, getting a tiny grunt from him. “I told you we would find a home here. I have a good feeling about this community,” I winked back at them with a wide grin. 

I could see the studying eyes on the woman and decided to act oblivious to her assessing. 

“Can I ask y’all a quick question?” I asked, a twinge of a southern accent I hadn’t pulled in ages coming out casually. “Where is the best grocery store around here? I’ve heard mixed things about the two stores y’all have, and you guys seem to have great taste, so,” I motioned to the gift basket. 

Bethanne listed a few of the stores they go to, ones I had researched on our flight here to get a better grounding of our new home. Of course, they were the more high-end stops. Eventually, the Bauers excused themselves for a neighborhood meeting they had planned, and Bucky and I were left alone. As soon as the door shut, I moved to the kitchen to grab a notepad. 

“Have we unpacked the pens, Beau?” I asked loudly, using Bucky’s fake name, which he seemed to know why right off the bat.

“Second drawer by the fridge,” he motioned, opening the basket and going through it, our charades still continuing. 

“I had a few things we need to grab from the store and thanks to our helpful neighbors, we know the best spot now,” I mindlessly talked as I wrote on the note; Check for bugs.

A welcome basket was fine and dandy, but considering who it was from and how quick they were to be at our doorstep—not even two hours into the moving vans' pull-up—I knew the drill, and so did Bucky as he listed out aloud what was in the gift. 

“Wow, they got us Doordash gift cards,” he smiled, placing them on the marble counter. “Wanna eat in tonight? Maybe a local spot?” 

“Sounds good to me,” I hummed, coming around the island corner and placing the notebook beside it. “Oh, did you find their number? We can ask if they have any suggestions.”

Placing the pen on top of the notepad for Bucky to respond, I moved to look in the basket myself and grabbed the note they had attached to it. 

“Eat in, drink some wine, and,” he circled the word ‘bugs,’ confirming the suspicion before leaning on the counter and looking at me with communicative eyes that didn’t match his words. “Watch a movie if I can get the TV set up by then.”

“Sounds like a date,” I smiled, but the annoyance that we had to be playing our characters until we could dispose of the bug was playing in my eyes.

Marvel Tags:

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[moonagedaydreamsofrhiannon]

IN DEFENSE OF TRAVIS MARTINEZ:

Because I’m sick and tired of seeing travis hate everywhere I go.

“Travis was sexist.”

Did he spout some sexist rhetoric in the beginning of the show? Sure. But it’s important to recognize that: A) he changed, and by season 2 he completely stopped, B) he was a teenage boy in the 1990s, and that kind of rhetoric was normal at the time, C) most of his sexist macho tough guy attitude was a complete act that he likely put on to compensate for his insecurity about his own masculinity, and internalized homophobia. (More on that later.)

(Also let’s be real, Travis is basically one of the girls anyway and I’m tired of pretending he’s not.)

2. “Travis didn’t care about Javi.”

Did we watch the same show??? Granted Travis may have had trouble expressing his feelings (also related to his insecurities about masculinity, likely learned from his father, as well as growing up in a patriarchal and homophobic society), but he cared deeply about Javi. In S1E4, Travis literally DUG UP HIS DAD’S GRAVE, through horror, tears, and vomit, in order to retrieve his ring to give to Javi. When Javi disappeared, Travis kept looking for him every day for months, and never gave up, even when logically it would have seemed impossible for him to still be alive. He comforted and reassured Javi when neither of them drew the card. He cradled Javi’s dead body and ate a bite of his raw heart (which was a metaphor for how much he loved him, and a parallel to Shauna eating Jackie’s raw ear.) Maybe Travis wasn’t always there for Javi in the way he needed, but he absolutely loved him, and it’s important to remember that Travis was also a traumatized, grieving, kid who just lost his dad.

3. “Travis slut-shamed Nat.”

As we are literally shown in the show, Travis was not trying to slut shame her, he asked how many times she had done it because he was embarrassed about the fact that he was a virgin, and worried that she would judge him, or that he wouldn’t measure up because he was more inexperienced than her. When she told him she hooked up with Bobby Farleigh, he did not get mad at her because she slept with another guy (he already knew about that, and was fine with it), he got mad because she hooked up with his bully, and then lied to him about it. I don’t blame Nat for this, she didn’t know about it at the time, and didn’t want him to get mad once she found out, but I also don’t blame Travis for being hurt and embarrassed and upset with her for lying about it.

4. “Travis was just kind of a dick.”

Sure, but so were all of them. He acted like kind of a jerk in the first season. So what? Shauna had an affair with her best friend’s boyfriend, lied to her about it for months, and refused to apologize. Misty tried to drug Coach Ben. Nat faked his brother’s death to him (yeah, she was trying to help him move on, but still not cool). All of them called him “Flex” (y’know, the nickname that was used to bully him for years). None of them are perfect or nice or likable all the time, and that’s ok; that’s the whole point. They’re realistic, complex, flawed, morally gray and sometimes unlikable people. They’ve all done bad things, but nothing Travis did is worse than what anyone else on that show has done. He was a traumatized teen whose dad literally just died. Also, me personally, if everyone around me was constantly calling me the mean nickname that was used to bully me since middle school, I would also probably act like a little bit of a dick.

5. “Travis is a straight man.”

Wrong. (Also not really a valid reason to hate someone… But most importantly, just wrong.)

Travis Martinez is clearly a bisexual.

So many of his issues: the insecurity, the bullying, the macho tough guy act, the whole weird complex about his masculinity, all of it stems (at least partly) from the fact that he’s bisexual and has internalized homophobia. The whole “Flex” thing is just thinly veiled homophobia. The main reason why he got bullied is because Bobby Farleigh spread a rumor about him getting back surgery to better suck his own dick. The unsaid implication there is that he’s a man who sucks dick, which is inherently queer, even if it is his own. If you look even slightly past the most surface level interpretation, it’s pretty obvious that Travis was bullied because of homophobia. His performance of stereotypical toxic masculinity was clearly over compensation for the fact that he doesn’t fit into the box of traditional straight masculinity, and was a reaction to the bullying from his peers, abuse from his dad, and internalized homophobia from growing up in a homophobic and patriarchal society. As the show progresses he starts to unlearn that toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia, and he allows himself to be more vulnerable, emotional, and feminine, and as a result, he becomes stronger, more confident, and more respectful of the people around him.

As for Travis being a man… Is he though???

In season 1, Travis is a man (narratively speaking); there is a clear distinction between Travis/Coach Ben and the girls. However, in season 2, we see a stark shift in how Travis is depicted. The separation between Travis and the girls pretty much ceases to exist. Narratively speaking, there is no distinction made between Travis and the other girls; they are one entity—one hive mind. Instead, the emphasis is now placed on the distinction between Coach Ben and the girls/Travis. When Coach Ben watches the Yellowjackets eat Jackie in horror and disbelief, Travis is right there with them, dressed in ancient greek robes along with the rest of them. In season 2, Coach Ben is the only real Man of the group (Travis has narratively become one of the girls, and Javi is just a boy, not a man) and he is shown staying separate from the rest of the group, and growing more and more uncomfortable with the cultish dynamics, while Travis, on the other hand, becomes more and more integrated with the group, as he falls deeper and deeper into cult beliefs, until he is a full-blown devout Lottie worshipper. Of the three males on the show, he is the only one who actually participates in cannibalism with the other Yellowjackets. Also he lost his virginity to a lesbian.

Whether or not you choose to believe that Travis is transfem (I do) you cannot deny that, at least narratively speaking, Travis is literally just a girl.

6. Travis is a victim.

I don’t know why nobody in this fandom seems to acknowledge this, but Travis is a sexual assault victim and I’m tired of people constantly overlooking and ignoring that fact. In Doomcoming, the girls (excluding Jackie, Nat, Tai, and Van) chased him down, sexually assaulted him, and then tried to kill him. That’s not something that’s up for debate or denial, that is literally canon. Stop pretending it didn’t happen. Stop pretending it wasn’t assault. Stop shaming him and making fun of him for struggling with sex, or not always being able to get it up. That’s a normal trauma response after being assaulted/raped. You guys are literally proving the point. This kind of treatment from society towards masculinity and male victims is just playing into the patriarchy and toxic masculinity, and is exactly what made him act the way he did in season 1 in the first place!

[callsign-mayhem]

heartbreak feels so good (part 3)

Pairing: Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x Female!Reader Word count: 6.2k CW: Shitty ex-boyfriends, slow burn, angst, fluff, use of Y/N

Part One Part Two

Whether by the grace of some mystical power or Elijah choosing to be sensible and avoid you, you managed to go three days without running into him on base. During these three days, you saw more of Bradley and Natasha than you ever had while working. You were an engineer and spent most of your days nestled underneath fighter jets or shoulder-deep in their engines, while your friends spent most of theirs in the sky. Because of this, it was rare that you crossed paths. 

While you’d found the past three days extremely pleasant, you knew their presence was only heavy because they were keeping an eye on you. 

On Monday, Bradley came into the hangar and told you that his jet had started making a weird noise whenever he took off. You spent most of the day attempting to pinpoint the problem, and he stayed with you while you worked, pestering you from his perch on an overturned oil drum.

Why did it take you so long to pinpoint the problem? Because there wasn’t one. After hours of taking things apart and adjusting things, you finally relented and asked him to start the engine while you were standing next to the plane. You listened intently for a few seconds and eventually held your hand up for him to cut the engine. 

Throwing your hands up in exasperation, you shouted: ‘I don’t hear anything!’

Bradley climbed out of the cockpit, looking confused. 

‘Huh, that’s odd. You must have fixed it without realising when you pulled that pipe out.’ 

‘Well, that’s lucky then.’ You played along. ‘I guess you can report back to Mav now.’

He seemed mildly disappointed. ‘I guess so.’

On Tuesday around lunchtime, Nat brought In-N-Out to the hangar. There was enough food to feed the whole squadron, so it shouldn’t have surprised you when Bradley, Jake, Bob, Javy, Mickey and Reuben waltzed in. You weren’t sure these guys even took lunch breaks, let alone took them all simultaneously. One thing you were sure of, however, was that Bradley was the only person on base who knew how much you loved In-N-Out. He’d discovered this after a particularly rowdy night out just before you’d met Elijah when you’d insisted he find a way to take you there even though you were both slaughtered and missing the rest of your group. He’d been the only one there, which led you to conclude that he’d orchestrated this group meal that had so clearly been intended to cheer you up.

I mean, come on. They weren’t even trying to hide it. It would have been flattering if not for the embarrassment. They were so concerned that you couldn’t cope with this heartbreak alone that they’d indirectly put you under a 24/7 watch. 

On Wednesday, Bradley and Nat were both waiting for you outside the hangar when you finished up for the day. They’d already changed out of their flight suits, and Nat had a beach bag over her shoulder. 

‘There she is,’ Bradley beamed, pushing his aviators onto the top of his head. ‘We’re heading to the beach for a swim. Thought you might like to join us.’ 

You had to admit, a dip in the ocean before dinner sounded nice. 

‘I didn’t bring a swimsuit, though.’

‘I have a spare.’ Natasha grinned. 

‘That’s convenient.’ You said, raising a brow.

She shrugged. ‘It’s always good to be prepared.’ 

Now, it was Thursday morning, and you were sitting outside on the tarmac, drinking coffee and watching the pilots start their drills. The sun might have been low in the sky, but from the way the air rippled above the runway, you could tell it would be a scorcher. After a delightful start to your week, you’d almost forgotten that you were supposed to have your guard up just in case. This wasn’t to say you’d forgotten about Elijah and all your negative emotions. It was more that you’d been too distracted to notice how your body and mind held said emotions, and it was only now that you saw him drilling with the rest of the pilots that you’d been reminded. 

As much as you hated to say it, he looked good when he dropped to the floor and started doing his press-ups. You had to find a way to get your mind off this undeniable fact that didn’t involve going inside before you’d finished your morning ritual. 

Nobody would have blamed you for opting to look at Bradley instead. Still, you felt guilty anyway, partly because you were only looking at him as a way of not looking at your ex and partly because it felt highly intimate, even though he had no idea what was happening. 

By the time you’d finished the last sip of your coffee, you needed a cool shower to bring you back down to planet Earth. To say you were flustered was perhaps the biggest understatement of the year.

Thankfully, time started to slip away the minute you lost yourself in your work for the day. Having something productive to do was massively beneficial. If nothing else, your heartbreak taught you that keeping your hands busy was the key to forgetting that you were in agony. 

Lunchtime came and went. The last time you’d so much as glanced at a clock, it had been 9:30 am. Now, at nearly 4 pm, you’d only put your wrench down because you needed the bathroom. 

There was only an hour left of your work day, and since you’d stopped and lost your momentum, you wondered whether anybody would miss you if you cut out early. The pilots had been in a training seminar all day, so you hadn’t seen anyone, and as much as you loved your friends for looking out for you, the peace and quiet had been soothing. Being able to zone out and focus on rebuilding part of an engine, scrubbing turbulence ducts or configuring navigation systems without half the squadron hovering over you had been damn near therapeutic. 

But you were ready for a well-deserved self-care night. 

After cleaning down, turning everything off and locking up, you made the short walk back to the main base and grabbed your belongings from your locker. Normally you changed clothes before leaving the base, but you didn’t want to risk running into anyone in the changing rooms, so you unzipped the top half of your flight suit and tied it around your waist. You always wore black tank tops underneath to avoid any noticeable oil stains. 

It seemed as though everyone else was still busy, as you didn’t run into anyone on your way through the building. In fact, you made it all the way to your car without so much as a ‘hey, Y/N.’ You were calm and content by the time you walked through your front door, more than happy to be alone with your own thoughts for the first time since the breakup. Part of you thought it was too soon to be this at ease, but you weren’t one for looking gift horses in the mouths. 

So, it was time to start your self care night. 

Step one: throw your dirty uniform in the wash. Step two: quick shower and hair wash.

Step three: run a bubble bath with your most luxurious products. Step four: pour yourself a glass of your favourite wine. Step five: relax in the aforementioned bubble bath and finally finish the novel you’d been trying to finish since last month. 

Step six: get rudely interrupted by someone buzzing your intercom thirty million times. 

Step six was supposed to be: get out of the bath, find your cosiest pyjamas and order takeout to eat while watching Gilmore Girls. 

This was not part of your plan. 

With a huff, you bookmarked your page (you were so close to being done that it almost hurt to put the book down) and grabbed a towel from the rack. The buzzing was constant, and you hoped whoever it was had either been mugged or stabbed. Or both. Because jeez. 

In your haste to get the buzzing to stop, you didn’t even ask who it was. Water dripped onto the floor where you stood, and you wrapped your towel tighter. Panic started to set in. What if it was Elijah? The thought of him seeing you like this after everything made you realise that opening the door in nothing but a towel was probably not a good idea. But just as you were about to run to your bedroom for your dressing gown, the knocking started. 

You froze. 

It wasn’t the usual three polite knocks that people usually make at somebody’s door. It was rapid and incessant, like the buzzing. Whoever stood behind that door really needed to see you. 

Heart racing, you peeked through the spy hole. Panic quickly gave way to shock, which soon gave way to a strange, warm sensation that tingled throughout your entire body, from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. 

The strangeness of it all eclipsed your earlier decision to put on your dressing gown, and you opened the door without hesitating. 

Bradley was panting, clearly having run up all three flights of stairs leading to your apartment. He was still in his flight suit, the top of which was tied around his waist just as yours had been. A bead of sweat trickled down the side of his neck, settling in the sweet spot where his collarbone started. His black T-shirt was soaked through. 

‘Bradley?’ 

Breathing heavily, he examined your towel-clad form and wet hair. 

‘What happened?’

You were lost. ‘What do you mean? Nothing happened, I was taking a bath.’ 

Bradley ran his hands through his hair, knotting it in his fists. He let his hands rest there momentarily while he caught a breath.

‘I came to see how your day went, and everything was locked. I thought something had happened.’

Now that he knew you were okay, his shoulders sagged, and he was able to offer you an embarrassment-tinged smile. 

‘I thought something had happened,’ he explained. ‘When you weren’t on base, I thought maybe you’d run into Viper, and he’d upset you. I don’t know. Guess I just panicked.’ 

You were simultaneously warmed and humiliated by Bradley’s thinking that something had happened and that it was his responsibility to come and fix things. It was like you couldn’t take care of yourself. You appreciated it, and at first, it was nice, but it was beginning to make you feel sheepish. 

You crossed your arms, which only drew attention to your very naked form. You felt your face warm, then your neck, then your chest. Paired with being treated like a child, it was a level of embarrassment you’d never had the misfortune of experiencing before. 

‘I can take care of myself.’ You murmured, unable to meet Bradley’s eye. 

He exhaled sharply. ‘I know you can, Y/N. Doesn’t stop me from worrying, though.’ 

Tentatively, you peeked at him from beneath your eyelashes. His gaze was locked onto your face in an attempt to stop himself from looking elsewhere. Bradley Bradshaw—ever the gentleman. 

You cleared your throat. ‘I can’t express how grateful I am for everyone taking care of me. Especially you, Roo. But I’d like it if you’d stop treating me like I’m going to break. I’m not that fragile.’ 

‘Oh, I know you’re not fragile, sweet girl. I just care about you so much.’

You couldn’t help but smile. ‘I care about you too.’

‘I can’t explain it. It’s not that I think you’re a flight risk,’ he smirked at his pun. ‘I just like taking care of you. I like knowing you’re safe and happy, and I like knowing that it’s because of me.’ 

You didn’t know which way to take this. It was a hard thing to hear for a few different reasons. For one, you weren’t used to hearing things like this from the men in your life, weren’t used to them wanting to take care of you. For two, it was coming from Bradley—one of your long-time best friends—and friendly wasn’t precisely the word you’d use to describe his tone. For three, you were standing in your apartment doorway in a towel with bubbles stuck to your legs, dripping water all over the floor. 

You couldn’t help the little laugh that escaped you, but Bradley wasn’t inside your head, so it seemed like you were laughing at his confession.

You apologised. ‘My brain is on overload right now,’ you explained. ‘And I don’t think this is a conversation we should have in the doorway while I’m in a towel.’

Bradley looked you up and down; although it was brief, you couldn’t ignore the hunger hidden behind it. It would have been easy to miss had you not been so well attuned to his mannerisms. Another addition to the list of things to be confused about. 

‘Yeah, I should leave you to it. We can talk some other time, when you’re fully clothed.’ He smirked.

Your blush deepened. ‘You gonna be at The Hard Deck tomorrow night?’

‘Is the sky blue?’

You chuckled. ‘Tomorrow it is, then.’

When Bradley got back to his apartment, he had no idea what to do with himself. He was sweating, covered in jet fuel and overthinking every word he’d just said to you, so the only option was an ice-cold shower. As he stood underneath the cool spray, he tried to imagine a world where things were simple. A world where you’d never met Elijah, never had your heart broken, and your whole perspective on love shattered. In this world, he wouldn’t have to wait for you to heal because it would have been him all along, and you’d never have gotten hurt. 

But you were hurt, and it had never been him. Judging by the way you’d laughed after his semi-confession, it might never be him, and this was harder to swallow than one of Penny’s homemade shots. 

He took his time in the shower, but all the cold water in the world couldn’t wash away the memory of you standing there in your fluffy white towel. This image was more powerful than everything else, and he was ashamed. It was more powerful than his anxiety over you not feeling the same, more powerful than the fear of losing your friendship. 

It wasn’t that he cared more about the thought of seeing you naked than getting turned down, or maybe not having you in his life anymore. It was more that his nerves were frayed after a really hard day at work, and he simply didn’t have the energy to dissect hidden truths and map out possible outcomes. His exhausted brain found it easier to latch onto the more simple thoughts and imagined scenarios, like coming home to you after a hard day, and having you take care of him in all the ways. Or sharing that bath with you and wrapping you in that towel with his own two hands before leading you to the bedroom and unwrapping it again. 

Pleasure and anticipation unfurled in his abdomen at the mere thought of your naked body beneath his. He didn’t need to experience it to know that skin-on-skin with you would be like finding out that heaven did exist and that it was a place on Earth. Or rather, a person. He tipped his head back and let it rest against the shower wall, and when he reached down to take his dick in his hands, the satisfaction transcended the guilt. 

It was only your name in his mind, repeating over and over like some kind of mantra.

Y/N. Y/N. Y/N.

It was the kind of news that felt like a swift kick to the gut.

Out of the entire Dagger Squad, Jake wasn’t your closest friend. You didn’t share deep secrets or have any inside jokes, and he wasn’t the first person you went to when you needed help or a cinema date. But he was still your friend, and you would miss him. 

Eighteen months abroad on some secret mission was a long time, especially when it was just him out of his entire squadron. You weren’t a fighter pilot, but you’d been sent away before as your skillset was rare amongst navy engineers. The six-month stint you did at sea was the scariest experience you’d ever had; nothing had topped it yet, and you highly doubted anything ever would. Eighteen months was inconceivable to you. 

Jake had known that he was going away for quite some time, but he hadn’t told anyone until two days before. He said he didn’t want his last few weeks Stateside to be ruined by everyone coddling him—he just wanted it to be normal. You could hardly blame him for that, but it made his news much harder to digest. You’d only found out about the mission earlier on that day, yet here you were getting ready to go to The Hard Deck for his leaving drinks. 

Natasha sat cross-legged on your double bed with her makeup bag in her lap and your hand mirror in front of her face. You sat on the carpet in front of your full-length mirror, where you always did your makeup. An 80s song you hadn’t heard in years played through your Bluetooth speaker, and you hummed along contentedly. 

‘What dress do you think I should wear?’ You asked.

‘What are the options?’

‘Either the new yellow one—with the corset top—or the white one.’

‘The one that looks like Marilyn Monroe’s dress?’

You smiled. ‘Yeah, I guess it does.’

Natasha didn’t wear much makeup, nor did you, so you were nearly finished. ‘I think the white one. Save the yellow one for a special occasion.’

‘You don’t think Hangman leaving for eighteen months is a special occasion?’

Natasha snorted. ‘No. I don’t think Bagman leaving for eighteen months is a special occasion. That yellow dress is for a first date or a wedding reception. He’d get the wrong idea and—’ 

Nat cut her sentence in half. Suddenly, she was extremely focused on applying mascara to an eye she’d already finished. 

‘And what, Natasha.’

She ignored you.

‘Natasha Trace.’

‘What?’

‘And?’

‘Oh, I just mean it might give everybody the wrong impression. You getting so dolled up on a night that’s all about Jake. Especially now that you’re back on the market.’

‘I am not back on the market. I’m healing.’

‘Yeah, right. You just need to grow a moustache, and I can start callin’ you Rooster.’

You launched your lip gloss at her, and she ducked, howling with laughter. 

‘Hey, don’t bring Roo into this. He’s just very emotionally mature! It’s a good thing.’

‘Emotionally, maybe. But what about everything else?’

You knew it was a lighthearted jest, but you were still stuck on the other part. Did she mean that everyone would get the wrong impression, or was she worried about a certain someone? You hadn’t seen Bradley since he showed up at your door unannounced yesterday. He’d said…what, exactly? Not a great deal. Just that he liked taking care of you, liked knowing that he was the cause of your happiness. 

What was a girl to make of that? 

‘We’ve gotta be there in twenty minutes,’ Nat said, pulling you from your thoughts. ‘Best get that dress on, Marilyn.’

‘She’s not here yet, man. You’re gonna get a crick in your neck if you keep turning round to look at the doors.’ 

Bradley rolled his eyes in Jake’s general direction. He didn’t want to make eye contact because he knew he’d be met with that world-famous shit-eating grin. It was bad enough that he was pining after you, he didn’t need Hangman—of all people—giving him shit for it. After last night’s activities, he was all too aware of how pathetic he was. 

‘On a serious note,’ Jake continued. ‘What’s the deal with you two?’

‘There is no deal.’ Bradley replied. Because there wasn’t. 

‘Oh come on, you think I came off the back of yesterday’s milk truck or somethin’? You better not be about to tell me that you’re just friends.’

‘We are just friends. There’s nothing else to it.’

‘But you want there to be.’ This was a statement, not a question. 

‘It doesn’t matter what I want. She’s still getting over Viper.’

‘That clown. He’s so crooked, he could swallow a nail and spit up a damn corkscrew. I’m still pissed I didn’t get to run into him before my deployment. I’d have given him two matching shiners.’

Bradley had to smirk at this. ‘I think that’d add to what he’s already got going on.’

‘He’s got nothing going on. He’s the ugliest son of a bitch I’ve ever seen, and I’m sittin’ in front of you.’

‘You really can’t give it a rest, even if it’s your last night, huh?’

Jake winked. ‘You should know me by now, Rooster.’ 

Bradley sipped his beer. It was nearly empty, but he didn’t feel like pushing his way through the masses to get to the bar. Mainly because he was waiting for you to arrive so he could buy you a drink, too. 

‘All I’m saying,’ Jake said. ‘Is that when I get home and open my front door, I want there to be a wedding invitation waiting for me.’ 

Bradley’s heart constricted. It wasn’t that he’d never thought of your name, his and marriage in the same sentence, it was just that he’d never said or heard it said out loud before. It was like Jake had just come up behind him and ripped his stool out from underneath his ass. 

He was lost in thought, imagining you in a white gown walking down the aisle, when Jake suddenly wolf-whistled. Bradley’s head snapped up, and he followed Jake’s line of sight to the front doors. You were arm in arm with Natasha, and although Bradley wasn’t sure he believed in God, something out there must have been listening to his thoughts. 

It wasn’t a wedding gown, but it was the prettiest little white dress he’d ever seen. Your hair was done all curly, and a pretty white bow was clipped in the back to keep the top half out of your eyes. Bradley’s eyes must have been bulging out of his head because Jake elbowed him sharply in the ribs. 

‘Anybody ever tell you it’s rude to stare at a lady?’

He flushed from embarrassment and something else. The same something had taken over his body in the shower the previous night. 

When you and Nat got to the table, he did his best to organise his facial features into something that resembled composure.

‘Ladies,’ Jake bowed dramatically. ‘You both look gorgeous.’

Natasha squinted at him as though she was waiting for the catch. The catch never came, so at least Hangman was being nice to someone on his last night. 

You hugged Jake, but as quick as the flames of jealousy licked at his insides, they were put out. You looped your arms around his neck (obviously standing on tiptoes) and pressed yourself against him. He brought his arms up and wrapped them around your lower back, pushing you even closer. It was all warmth and skin and the strawberries in your shampoo, and he wanted more.

More. More. More.

Jake cleared his throat, and just like that, it was over. He missed the contact already, but not for long. The next thing he knew, you took his hand and led him towards the bar, Jake and Natasha following closely behind.

What had he done to get so lucky tonight?

The vibes at The Hard Deck were always lively. If pure, unadulterated joy had a physical form, it would be this bar on a Friday night with all your closest friends. Despite the sad and somewhat scary occasion, you were there to mark, it was still one of the best nights you’d ever had. There’d been good food, homemade cocktails, round after round of Penny’s special shots (that she wouldn’t reveal the contents of) and your favourite songs on the Jukebox. It was hard to tell if they were your favourite songs because they stood out to you or because you were listening to them here, surrounded by these specific people on this night.

You and Mickey were belting the lyrics of Africa by Toto when Bradley reached around and yanked the jukebox cord out of the wall rather unceremoniously. 

‘Hey!’ You yelled.

‘Sorry, sweetheart,’ he grinned. ‘I’m gonna play some real music.’

You were about to argue that Toto was real music when the meaning of his statement dawned on you. 

He was getting behind the piano. 

Since you’d disappeared from the face of the Earth for a while, you hadn’t experienced one of Bradley’s performances for a long time. Few things were more enjoyable than seeing him perform. Your whole body tingled with anticipation, as it did when you were about to drop on a giant rollercoaster or the first time you’d gone up in a jet. 

He was watching you expectantly, and you realised he’d just asked you something.

‘What did you say?’

‘I said, do you wanna sit with me at the piano?’

Your heart soared. Nobody ever sat with him at the piano.

‘Really?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Yes!’

He was chuckling as you followed him to the piano, and you wouldn’t have been able to wipe the smile off your face if you tried.

Mostly everyone drinking at The Hard Deck that night knew what was coming and had swarmed around the piano to await his presence. You were both pretty drunk and when Bradley sat on the bench and pulled you into his lap, you didn’t think anything of it. Had the two of you been sober, he probably wouldn’t have done it, and if he did, you wouldn’t have let him. Because friends don’t do that, and it would have been weird. 

Luckily, nobody in the bar was anything close to sober. 

‘I’m trying something new tonight.’ He announced. Then quietly—so only you could hear him—he said: ‘It’s for you, doll.’ 

You had the perfect view of his hands and watched, mesmerised, as his fingers danced along the black and ivory keys. He played with the effortless grace of somebody who had music in their veins and could do it with their eyes closed. You’d heard enough about Goose to know that this particular gift came from him. 

When he started singing—

Well. That was a whole other story. 

There's a little moonlight dancing on the sand There's a warm breeze blowing by the ocean as you're taking my hand. You need to know where I'm standing now. That I'm right on the edge of giving in to ya Baby it's a long way down.

His raspy voice was like some kind of drug to you. The second he started singing, you were transported from the room to someplace closer to heaven. And it wasn’t just his voice; it was the lyrics. You listened more closely than usual since he’d told you this song was yours. 

If I fall, can you let me down easy?

If I leave my heart with you tonight Will you promise me that you're gonna treat it right? I'm barely hangin' on If I fall, can you let me down easy?

The scent of your perfume floatin' in the air You're looking like an angel lying on a blanket with a halo of hair And those lips look too good to be true.

Once I taste that kiss, I know what'll happen I'll be at the mercy of you If I fall, can you let me down easy? If I leave my heart with you tonight Will you promise me that you're gonna treat it right? I'm barely hangin' on If I fall, can you let me down easy?

When the song ended, the whole bar erupted into cheers. He didn’t give them a chance to disperse, though. He launched straight into the crowd favourite: Great Balls of Fire. It used to be your favourite, too, but now. Everyone was dancing and singing along. His legs bounced as he played, and you giggled like a maniac, getting jostled about whenever he moved. You wanted to go and sit somewhere quiet so you could digest the previous moment, but you were too wrapped up in this one.

Everyone begged for an encore once he’d finished playing, but he told everyone he was desperate for another drink but might play something else later. You were still planted firmly in his lap, and you locked eyes with Nat from over the top of the piano. She raised a brow, and you gave her the universal ‘I don’t fucking know what’s going on either’ look. The crowd started trickling outside or to the bar. Somebody plugged the jukebox back in, and Africa resumed, although it didn’t sound as good as before. All you wanted to listen to now was Bradley’s song for you.

It was time for you to get up, which proved incredibly difficult. Bradley was warm and solid in a comforting way but also in another way that you weren’t quite ready to unpack just yet. You climbed out of his lap and turned around to face him. He was still sitting but had moved to the other side of the stool to face your direction. He gazed up at you with those big, puppy dog eyes, and you realised with a start that if you took one more step, you’d be standing between his legs. You could have rested your hands on his shoulders or the sides of his face. You could have leant down and kissed him.

Because of this, you didn’t know what to say, and this wasn’t good because the ball was most certainly in your court. He’d just said everything he needed to say with that song.

You decided just to be honest with him.

‘I don’t know what to say, Roo.’

‘You don’t have to say anything. I just needed to get that off my chest, and I didn’t know how else to do it.’

‘I will say something,’ you assured him. ‘Just not right this second.’ It was clear that he was trying to hide the dejection he felt. You saw right through the fake smile meant to reassure you, and immediately, you felt as though you’d let him down. Thinking on your feet wasn’t easy when you were drunk, and you might have chosen to do things differently had you been sober. Now probably wasn’t the best time to deal with something like this, but now was all you had. You couldn’t bear letting him go home tonight, thinking you didn’t feel anything towards him.

So you took his hand in yours and tugged his arm. He got up silently, and you led him outside, across the decking and onto the sand. He trailed behind you down to the water, which was starting to come back in after low tide.

Your thought process had been that it might be better to talk out of earshot from the rest of the daggers and that words might come easier if you were somewhere more peaceful. This was, in fact, not the case, and the absence of commotion was only making things awkward. There was nothing to distract you from the longing behind his eyes, nothing to distract him from the way you nervously picked at the skin around your fingers.

It had never been this way with you and Bradley. Way before Elijah—which was beginning to feel like it had happened to someone else and not you—your friendship had been as easy as eggs on a Sunday morning. Thoughts flowed freely during lengthy but never tiring conversations. You didn’t need to guess how he felt and vice versa because both of you always just knew. You had inside jokes for days and more than a few secrets.

Just because you hadn’t grown up together and hadn’t known one another your whole lives didn’t mean you weren’t inseparable. The bond you shared was forged in everlasting fire the day you met at the academy. It was made out of some kind of magic, a rare kind that most people spent their whole lives searching for and never even coming close to.

As you thought about all this, you realised what a fool you’d been to neglect such a bond for somebody like Elijah. But even with all this, you’d never imagined the two of you would be anything more than best friends. When you had something as extraordinary as this, it was hard to fathom risking it when it was already perfect the way it was.

Or so you’d thought.

What if it wasn’t perfect the way it was? What if all those years of friendship were a prequel to something better?

A forever kind of something.

You took a deep breath and trusted that if you spoke your heart, everything would turn out precisely the way it was supposed to. And since you were speaking your heart, you started by saying his name. He’d been looking out over the water, but now he focused his attention back on you. You didn’t think you’d ever spent so many consecutive minutes in his company without him saying anything.

‘I wasted so much time looking for love in the wrong places,’ you started. ‘And when it ended the way I always knew it would—deep down—I listened to you tell me over and over that real love isn’t supposed to feel like that. I listened to you tell me that I deserved better, all while not believing what you were saying.’

It was hard to look at him now. There was so much riding on whatever you chose to say next.

‘What I’m trying to say is, I wasted so much time looking for love and the real meaning of it, when I should have been looking at what was right in front of my face the whole time.’

It wasn’t exactly what you wanted to say. You wished it could’ve been more eloquent—like his song—but this was what you had, and so you gave it to him.

He smiled broadly, and it reached all the way up to his eyes.

Oh, the things you’d have done for that smile.

Part of you was worried that these kinds of revelations would mess with your synchronicity, but you had no need to worry. There was no awkwardness, no clunkiness and no anxiety when he cupped your face in both his hands, and you reached up to loop your arms around his neck. You only felt overwhelming joy and an innate sense of rightness when your lips met in the most passionate of kisses.

And when he tilted your head back further and parted your lips with his tongue, you were able to revisit that feeling you’d felt when he pulled you into his lap not half an hour before. It wasn’t something you could tame, and you highly doubted he could, either, though you could tell he was going to give it his best shot.

You just couldn’t imagine this getting old or wearing thin. If you and Bradley really were a forever thing, you knew that being with him would always feel as exciting and enticing as it did right now.

You let one hand snake down his side, resting just above his hip. When you pulled his body closer so it was pressing against yours, he groaned into your mouth. You could’ve sworn you’d blacked out for a second.

‘Slow down, doll.’ He said between kisses.

‘Why?’

He pushed you away ever so slightly, and you pouted.

‘Because I wanna do this properly. I want to take you out for dinner, drinks, dancing, all of it. You can’t rush something you want to last forever.’

Ah. So he was thinking the same thing as you, then.

‘What if I’m impatient?’

‘Then I’ll take you to dinner now.'

He was making light, but you decided to indulge him. ‘Take me, then.’

Bradley laughed. ‘It’s almost midnight, sweet girl. We won’t get a table anywhere now.’

‘So take me to In-N-Out. And then take me home.’

His eyes were all pupil, and you knew that now you’d put the thought into his head it would be impossible to take it back out.

‘You’re terrible.’

‘It’s not my fault!’ You protested. ‘You’re standing there looking all delicious, kissing me like that!’

‘If I agree, you have to promise me one thing.’

‘Anything.’

‘At some point next week, you’ll get dressed up. You’ll let me take you to a fancy restaurant with overpriced cocktails and tiny portions, and then you’ll let me drive you home. When we get to your front door, you’ll let me kiss you goodnight, and then you’ll let me go home. We have to do it in a civilised manner at least once.’

You laughed. ‘Okay, fine. If you insist.’

‘I do.’

You kissed him again, and it felt like coming home after being away forever.

‘You know something, Bradley?’ You murmured. ‘I never knew heartbreak could feel so good.’ 

A/N: I planned on ending this series here, but now that the final part is complete, I've realised I have many more ideas for where this can go. Maybe some sequels or a whole other series off the back of it. If you'd be interested, let me know and I can tag you in future parts.

Taglist: primroseluna eloquentdreamer sgt-barnesveins daybleedsintonightfa11@sadgirlgiselle @sleepy-writersblock @lovelyygirl8 @my-therapist-hates-me

[before-it-felt-like-a-sin]

Dating Vampire Natalie Scatorccio Headcanons

Pairing: Vampire Nat x gn reader

When Nat was turned, literally no one noticed since she was already so pale and didn't eat much at school

the only reason you found out is because you were out late one night and saw her drinking from a dead deer

She was pretty unfazed by you finding out, since you were chill about the whole thing. She was expecting hysterics, but you barely reacted

after you found out, she started hanging out with you more often because she didn't have to hide that she was a vampire

You were very intrigued by the whole thing, and you ended up asking her all sorts of questions

"Wait can you turn into a bat?" "Don't think so." "Ugh. Boring."

After a while of you hanging out, she ends up making a move and just kissing you after you say something stupid or ask another dumb vampire question

your dynamic doesn't change much once you start officially dating, the only difference is now whenever she wants you to stop talking she kisses you instead of telling you to shut up. you like this option a lot better

Even though you saw her drink that one time, she doesn't like you to be around if she has to eat

A few months into your relationship, she eventually relents and lets you be there

She still doesn't like you seeing her eat, but it bothers her less as time goes on

Once, when she was really hungry and didn't have access to any other blood, you offered to let her bite you

at first she was very opposed, but she started getting so hungry that she couldn't avoid it anymore

I think the first time she drinks from you it's definitely from the wrist instead of the neck

She starts drinking and after a few minutes, you start getting pale and pass out on her

after that she says she's never going to drink from you again (she mostly stays true to this, and if she does have to drink your blood again she makes sure you're fed and hydrated before she does)

She makes you watch scary movies and loves to hear your blood rush when you get scared

like you're sitting next to her on the couch freaking out over this horror movie villain and she's just there listening to your heartbeat

For Halloween she makes you dress as a vampire and she goes as a werewolf because she thinks the irony is hilarious, even though you're the only other person who understands why it's funny

since she can't really be outside for extended periods of time during the day, most of your dates happen at night

she also takes you to a lot of movies since there aren't big windows and the risk of her burning is a lot lower

Since she doesn't have to eat normal food, she often forgets that you need to eat at certain times, and she feels really bad if the two of you are at her place since she doesn't really keep food around

she starts stocking up on snacks specifically for you in case you get hungry and didn't bring anything for yourself

She also rarely takes you out on dinner dates since she doesn't really eat

If you want a dinner date you have to plan it or drop hints at her for like a week straight

I think she would fuck with a night picnic though, she's drinking animal blood out of cute little glasses and you have like... cherry juice so you feel included

since she wouldn't need to sleep, sometimes she shows up to your house at like 3 a.m. and you wake up with her in your bed

the first time it happened you freaked out a but, but eventually it started happening so often that you don't even bat an eye anymore

vampire Nat my beloved

[hainethehero]

Steve Rogers Trauma: A TED TALK

Why is it that any kind of commentary/analysis on Steve Roger's trauma has to be met with comparisons to Bucky or Tony's trauma? Or most of the fanfics I read completely gloss over Steve's trauma?

Some of y'all legit do not care or are blind to Steve Roger's trauma throughout the Captain America & Avengers films and it shows. And this isn't hate to any fanfic writers but rather an observation of most stucky and stony fanfics which seem to minimize Steve's character & trauma in favour of highlighting their fave's. And of course it's fine that people want to write about Bucky or Tony or even Nat's trauma, but MOST TIMES* I've read these fics and they all have an intentional disregard for Steve's traumas.

And this speaks to the wider discourse around Tony, Bucky & Steve- the three characters most written about in mcu fanfics.

Because why is it that anytime I bring up Steve's PTSD or his illnesses or the hell he would've gone through pre-serum, people always HAVE to add in their 2cents about, "well yeah & Bucky went through worse." Like.???? No, I'm not talking about him.

I absolutely love Bucky and he's one of my favourite characters in both the comics and the MCU but, respectfully, this ain't about him.

I'm talking about Steve and his life. The crap he would've had to deal with both in public and at home. Especially the horrors both he and Sarah would've gone through because of Joseph Rogers who was a terrible person and an alcoholic who beat up on his wife and sickly kid.

And even post-serum when he's completely healthy and living in the future now, I'm still seeing popular narratives about "Yeah he's alive now & hasn't gone through half of what Bucky's endured over the past 70yrs." OR "He's had it easy compared to Bucky who was being tortured by HYDRA."

Um, no one's saying Bucky's treatment under HYDRA was a good thing??? But we're talking about Steve here, not Bucky?

And how he was literally frozen in a state of purgatory & how traumatic it would feel to be ripped out of it and then basically thrown to the new world on your ass without any kind of therapy or help. Most people make it seem like Steve was in a Sleeping Beauty kind of sleep and then woke up completely fine. And I will admit the MCU has been the main culprit of that narrative because they deleted so many scenes that humanized Steve Rogers, that now the gen pop thinks:

he's perfectly fine

has zero trauma

should complain about nothing

hasn't had it hard like Bucky or Tony

is a lesser hero because of all of the above

I recently had a convo with a friend & we were talking abt the scene in Avengers 1 when they were all at each other's throats. And they said that Tony was right about Steve being a laboratory experiment & everything special about him came out of a bottle. And I'm like... yeah nah, that's the lazy ass writing that Whedon perpetuated that now makes Steve one of the most misunderstood heroes & people in the MCU. Because he was special before the serum because of his consideration of others. He was special because not only did he hate bullies, but he also went out of his way to protect those that couldn't protect themselves KNOWING what that confrontation might cost him as a chronically sick person. Tony needed a whole ass arc about literally witnessing & living first hand what his weapons were doing to innocents like Yinsen & his people, to change his ways. Steve didn't have, nor did he need any of that to make him special. (AND BEFORE THE TONY STANS COME FOR ME, I LOVE TONY, HE'S LITERALLY ONE OF MY FAVES IN THE MARVEL COMICS & MCU) But this hatred for Steve is ridiculous.

And once again, it's the MCUs fault because they made Tony the ultimate hero of the Avengers at the expense of Steve Rogers' character. Him being able to prove he was "worthy" all along by lifting Thor's hammer was a cheap payoff in the end, much like the entirety of Endgame was. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

[midnightlizard]

Delusional

Natasha Romanoff x gn!reader

Summary: Certain rumors start to spread all over the city

A/N: something short and old while I finish another fic

Warnings: none

Word count: 727

-

-

One could say that the avengers were some sort of celebrities, with the massive parties Tony threw to gain sponsors and the avenger's compound being the tallest building in New York.

So, when rumors about them started, they never took long to spread all over the city. Especially the romantic ones.

The current one was that the golden boy, captain America, was in a relationship with the black widow. How or why did people get this idea? It's a mystery.

Truth is, you were the one dating Natasha, but you mutually decided that it was safer not telling the whole world, and funnier keeping it a secret to your teammates, seeing how long it takes them to figure it out. You two have been together for almost seven months now, and only Clint and Wanda seemed to catch up, fairly quickly too, noticing small changes in their best friends.

- - - -

"honestly this rumor is so stupid, how can people think Cap and Nat are a couple?"

Pietro rhetorically asked, breaking the silence from the spot he was sitting on the couch, in between you and Wanda. Making you both look at him.

The witch stopped her reading to lean against her brother and look at his phone, a fan 'theory' on display.

She returned to her position to ask with curious eyes directed at him, and a teasing smile just for you. "you don't see them together?"

He shook his head. "nah, they're just so, different" he stopped for a second, eyes not moving form the screen. "I honestly don't see anyone being in a relationship with Natasha...maybe except for one person."

At this last sentence you perked up, narrowing your eyebrows. Did he find out but didn't tell you? "and who is this person?"

The blonde raised his head to look at you with a cheeky smile, while winking at you. "well me, of course."

What he got in response was your dumbfounded silence and Wanda's laugh.

"what? Why are you laughing?"

"I'm sorry, it's just" she waved her hand around dismissively, her laugh only increasing once you rolled your eyes. "it's just, you're the last person I imagine her to like" she quickly came up with an excuse.

"and why is that? I am awesome in many ways, tell her Y/N" he started, turning to look at you "tell my blind sister how much of a catch am I"

"oh...oh yea, sure, you are a catch, a pretty good one" it was so hard trying to keep a straight face, but thankfully he didn't notice.

"I'm sure everyone will be lucky to have you, and maybe Natasha will realize that quickly." Wanda started laughing at the face you made but once again, Pietro did not notice.

"what will I realize?" said woman stepped into the room, nearing the couch. the voice instantly made you smile, but it made the man beside you freeze in his place.

"nothing!" he exclaimed, clearly embarrassed, speeding out of the room.

"why were you talking about me?" the redhead changed her question once she sat next to you, slightly leaning on your side, making you wrap your arm around her shoulder.

Knowing you wouldn't answer, Wanda did it for you. "Pietro may have mentioned how much of boyfriend material he was, and how much of a boyfriend material he was...for you" she finished with a teasing smile.

Tha assassin raised her eyebrows "that is the thing I will realize?" she turned her head to you, wanting to see your reaction "he is a good catch, to be honest"

"you listened to the whole conversation?"

Wanda interrupted, noticing how Natasha used the same words used before.

"I wasn't spying, but I have a good hearing, and he talks loudly so-" she shrugged. she returned to look at you with mischief clear in her eyes, enjoying your slightly annoyed face.

"Do you think Pietro and me would make a great couple? Or me and cap? yea I see it happening, we also kissed on a mission. did you know we kissed on a mission, I don't think I ever told you, or maybe they were two?" The read head continued her rant until you groaned loudly, putting your head on her shoulder.

"stupid rumors" the sound came out muffled, but was still heard by the other two women, causing them to laugh.

Natasha Romanoff Masterlist

MCU Masterlist - General Masterlist

[swaqcenix]

࿐ྂ The Unspoken Truths ࿐ྂ

Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

≿━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━≾

warnings: 18+, angst, makeup sex, oral (r receiving), mommy kink, fingering, dirty talk, choking, light fluff, legal age gap (R early 20's Nat mid 30's.)

Summary: After the accords, you ran and didn't want to risk Nat's whole life just on one mistake.. 2 years later when thanos is needed to be taken down, you are reunited..

Word count: 4.7k

≿━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━≾

"We almost made it," that was it.

That was the last thing you'd told Natasha Romanoff as you left the compound.

You could see through the reflection of the glass how she was failing at holding herself together. How she was breaking down and Tony held her. You wanted to turn around, but you couldn't. You wanted to shout at yourself..

Yet, the choices were limited. You had no choice but to run, they wanted you dead after the sokovian accords. You'd done too much damage. And now Ross was sending a swarm of agents after you.

She begged you to perhaps stay, try and 'work it out', in her words. You wouldn't, couldn't do that. When she asked if she could come, you'd almost contemplated it. Almost asked, almost said yes.

You'd both just disappear.. That was until you'd stopped swarming in that stupid reality. You wouldn't risk Natasha's own lifestyle. Not after everything. You loved her. The saddest part was you never got to tell her that. No, all you did was look her in the eyes as you tried not to cry, your voice breaking.

Saying that final line broke you. Now 2 years had passed and you had to go back. Apparently you were needed, war was coming. 2 years yet you'd never stopped thinking of her.

2 years of wallowing in self-pity and anger at yourself. You half regretted your decision, but you felt it was the right call to make. You wouldn't have endangered the one person who meant more to you than life itself.

You looked around the compound, it hadn't changed. Well scarcely anyway, Tony seemed to have added perhaps a couple more ornaments and god knows what. But, apparently other than that nothing had changed. Aside from the people residing there.

You looked around the compound, it hadn't changed. Well scarcely anyway, Tony seemed to have added perhaps a couple more ornaments and god knows what. But, apparently other than that nothing had changed. Aside from the people residing there.

You looked around the compound, it hadn't changed. Well scarcely anyway, Tony seemed to have added perhaps a couple more ornaments and god knows what. But, apparently other than that nothing had changed. Aside from the people residing there.

None of you would have gotten by these past 2 years without enough trauma for a lifetime of therapy. Not one single person who'd be standing in this room would get by without thinking of that war. That one fucking mistake. And for what?

It was stupid and pathetic really. The world's mightiest hero's crash and break at a booklet of paper. Funny really, how words on a page can break a bond you have in years.

"Wanda," you smiled tried to shake any on coming thoughts.

She practically ran to you, engulfing you into a tight embrace holding you to her. You knew she needed it just as much as you did. While her and vision ran towards the edge of scotland, residing there for a time, she hadn't seen your face in so long.

You could tell Wanda was tired, exhausted even. Not just from the deep cut that went from the tip of her forehead across her eyebrow. That did however make you curious, but from her eyes and her posture.

You'd been the one to encourage her with vision and been the one to get her out of her room on endless days of loneliness. She'd bury herself in her thoughts, so you did all you could to drag them out. You became her best friend, her anchor she turned to.

"I missed you," you mumbled into her shoulder.

"I missed you too, where did you go?" She smiled softly, but it was strained.

Truth be told, you didn't keep in contact with any of them. So when Steve reached out managing to find you, you were at a loss. You didn't even want to go, but you had to.

"It's amazing to see you again, but she's going to want answers," Steve said from behind you.

You turned quickly on your heels and he offered a squeeze of the shoulders for affection. She...

He was right and frankly, he didn't even need to say who she was.. Nobody did, because they all knew. Trying to shake off the feeling of dread and utter fear, you shook your head to clear thoughts away, before responding to Wanda's question.

"Here and there, I didn't sit still for long. Not with Ross trying to hunt me down, not really. I couldn't afford to. I went to Budapest, Hungary, Spain, so many places," you explained.

If you were honest it sounded amazing when you worded it like that. They spoke of how you seemed happy, but if only they knew. You could have been happy if you had everything you needed... everyone.

"Right do we have all we nee-" the voice entering the room came to a sudden halt, a rather chilling one.

Her voice was always softer when she had spoken to you. It was always more relaxed, less guarded. You hadn't heard her in so long. Felt her, touched her, melted into her.. Your Natasha Romanoff, well what was yours. She is no longer and that hurt to think.

Slowly, you turned in the direction of the voice and by gods if you could see tension in a room physically, this was it. It was the definition as the air became thick and almost unbearable.

Your eyes connected with her own and for the first time in 2 years you saw her once more. Her green orbs were as the hue of the new spring growth, bright and soft all at once. There were flecks of strength, of the kind of green that comes only as summer advances. Yet there were flecks of darkness, of anger and hurt.

You knew why, you weren't stupid. There was unspoken words, unspoken truths, lies and anger that needed to be heard, needed to be told. Her hair was shorter now and dyed blonde.

It suited her, you could still see what used to be your own Nat. Her eyes flickered down over you, examining you. You almost laughed knowingly. She was checking over you for injuries. Even now, even after everything she was still making sure you were okay.

Had you been in different circumstances, you'd have approached her. Had it been a different time and different place you'd have ran into her arms and sobbed, making sure she's okay. But it wasn't, so you couldn't. Yet, you couldn't resist the one statement.

"I'm okay," you smiled softly trying not to let your emotions get the better of you.

Her eyes flickered once more, emotions running through them before they went cold. Almost black, her green eyes that you loved, still love almost gone. And your heart throbbed with pain and fear.

"So you are."

The coldness in her tone, almost made you fall back and onto the floor. You deserved it, even if you did it to protect her, because you loved her. No, because you still love her. God, you wished you had said.

Sensing the tension and the pain that was flickering between you and Natasha, Tony interrupted whatever was going on. Allowing the room to relax once more.

"So what are you saying," he continued as this debate had been going on for 20 minutes.

They'd been discussing strategies on Thanos, on the oncoming war and the future of the worlds as a whole. You wanted to listen, you wanted to pay attention. But you wanted her more than anything.

She hadn't looked at you all meeting. Well, actually that was the opposite, but she'd always pretend otherwise. Whenever she thought you weren't looking you felt her gaze hit your own.

It was unnerving if you were honest. The moment you looked her way, she'd be looking down, or attempting to focus on what Tony said. It was physically painful, you could swear you felt your heart shatter every time. Yet, again you knew you deserved it.

You knew everyone in the room was aware of the awkward situation between the two of you, but none dared mention it. It was also obvious to you that nether you nor Natasha were honestly focusing on whatever was happening.

All too suddenly, or perhaps a while after- you weren't focusing on the time, Tony stood up abruptly. He grumbled that the meeting was over, before storming out the room.

Himself and Steve had been ranting and debating over working together or not, it was painfully obvious the team wasn't a team. Not after the accords, there was so much unspoken truths in the room. That was excluding your own awkward encounter with Natasha.

You felt the heavy tension drifting about the room, not only because of your arrival and the unspoken and needed conversation between yourself and Nat that needed to take place, but because of the breaking point of the team itself.

You found yourself letting out a heavy sigh, your eyes drifting shut and body flexing out of stress and utter exhaustion. You were tired from the fighting, the team and the world. You just wanted to rest, but that wasn't possible. Being an Avenger, being an agent nobody got to rest.

You then glanced over at Natasha, feelings of guilt and sadness succumbing over your mind poisoning you from the inside out. Her eyes moved up from the table connecting with your own and darkened instantly. She didn't look at you anymore, she looked at her enemy. All she saw was just a painful fragment of what could of been and you hated yourself for it.

"So Y/N/N, hows things been," Scott said trying to cut the tension.

In reality you could tell this was going to go wrong within seconds. How were you supposed to respond to that? If you said you thought nothing but of how you missed Natasha that would be awkward and you'd need the ground to swallow you up. On the other hand if you said it was amazingly she'd only have more to confirm that she'd hate you, only giving her more reason to do so. So you settled for the most easiest of responses.

"Oh you know, it was fine," you shrugged not wanting to expand on your answer.

A heavy sigh and a scoff caused you to look at the source of the noise, allowing your breath to catch in your throat. Natasha flung the chair she was sat in back stomping heavily out of the room only glancing swiftly at you with anger in her eyes, in her face. All towards you.

You swallowed the steady rising of bile down and played with your fingers. You looked at Wanda who held a sympathetic gaze to which you felt sick to see right now. You didn't deserve sympathy, you didn't deserve Natasha nor any love. You were only trying to protect her. Only trying to stop her from being tagged along in your shit, you couldn't drag her down with you.

Wanda however gave you another knowing look, the look of she wanted to speak or talk with you alone. Perhaps simply enjoy your company and you weren't one to turn it down. Therefore, you yourself found your body unconsciously standing your feet padding softly out the room.

That's how you found yourself now, feet curled up on the couch under your body as you watched Wanda's favourite sitcom. She'd made you some food and snacks just like old times and your heart swelled.

When you first came to the compound, besides Natasha, Wanda was the first to make you feel okay. She was the first to check on you, hear your sobs and fears. She saw you and you saw her. Wanda was the sister and best friend you never had. At first, Natasha got the wrong idea thinking you two were flirting and dancing around something, causing a strain in your relationship. Until one day you found yourself trapped between herself and the wall, her lips only on yours, her hands only on your body. She saw you and could feel only you.

A sigh left your lips at the memory dancing between your thoughts, a reminiscent of only what could have been. Perhaps you should have let her come, should have let her stay rather than only saying that you almost made it. Seeing her break over you as you stood there so simply and silently leaving her poisoned your insides.

Wanda glanced over at you, squeezing your shoulder slightly. She didn't know what to say, but she knew you still loved her. She knew she still loved you. She just threw her anger her hatred towards you instead, because breaking ones heart always does illicit an unspeakable anger through your veins.

"You should go to her," she whispered into the silent air.

Your body tensed up at the direction of this conversation, not too content on talking of it. You knew you had to though, you couldn't dodge and dance around the unspoken forever.

"She hates me," you said with such certainty it was almost like she'd verbalised it herself.

Yet, Natasha didn't need to tell you she hated you. You could see the anger, the hatred, the venom in her body language. The way she couldn't bare to look at you anymore, your presence only sickening the older woman.

"She doesn't hate you, she still loves you," she urged on causing yourself to scoff.

"Nat cannot even bare to look at me Wands," you stated sadly.

"She just is hurt, it was like before, remember? She thought we were a thing she had to fuck you senseless just to understand you have always been hers," she chuckled causing a laugh to escape your own lips as you smacked her lightly on the shoulder.

She was always one to be so forward going and blunt, it's one of the things you loved about Wanda. It's what drove you to open up so much to her so quickly and without fear. She wouldn't judge and nether would you.

As if the universe hated you further, suddenly Wanda nudged you as your head turned around to look behind you. The laughter between the pair of you died down as you saw Natasha standing there a look of pain crossing her eyes. For one moment she looked so hurt and so lost you wanted to cry, until her posture changed and she simply rolled her eyes crossing the room to get a snack and storming off once more.

"Go after her," Wanda insisted standing up to drag yourself up.

"But," you began but she cut you off instantly.

Wanda pushed you towards the direction that Natasha had gone urging you swiftly to follow. Your body wasn't too content on going but your mind knew otherwise. You had to go after her. You needed to.

"You need to go to her, so do it," she said firmly looking at you.

You didn't argue with her. Only nodded with certainty and understanding. You spun back in the direction the older woman had stormed off in and began to jog down the hall.

The distinct red hair of Natasha came into view. Her hair was braided into a long ponytail, draping down her back and even facing the back of her she looked utterly beautiful. She always had done and always will do.

"Natasha," you breathed out loud enough for her to hear it.

However she only sped up her movements clearly trying to avoid a confrontation or any sort of communication with you. Like hell were you having that.

Natasha made a beeline for her room and you practically sprinted down the hall this time and just before she shut the door, your foot halted it. You jammed your foot there causing her to grunt in annoyance.

"Move," her voice held no place for argument and no place for discussion.

Yet you didn't care anymore. She was the person you wanted the person you felt and you would be damned if you lost her again.

"We need to talk," you urged desperately.

"No we don't," she grunted but you could hear the waver in Nat's voice. You could hear her.

"Please Natalia," using the one name you knew would hit her. She hated it but she loved when it slipped past your lips.

Stepping back she fell onto her bed, emotions overcoming her Natasha tried to keep her tough composure as much as she could. She tried to keep herself in hold but you could see her. You saw her entirely.

"What needs to be said exactly?" She said through gritted teeth trying to keep her anger at bay.

"We need to talk about it.. Us," you were apprehensive to state that and she laughed bitterly rolling her eyes.

"There is no us Y/N. You made that clear the day you sauntered off leaving me like it meant nothing. Like we meant nothing." She spat out pain laced within her tone.

"You think I wanted to just leave you? You think it was easy for me," you exclaimed anger now building up inside you.

Her anger you understood slightly, but she was acting like you never loved her. She was acting like you never cared. All those nights staying awake for her, that meant something.

"You left me standing there. You're a coward. That's what it was. Damn, you're weak actually. All those nights I spent caring for you I wish I never did," she said and your eyes widened in shock.

You stumbled back as though she had just punched you in the gut. It felt like the world had crashed down on you heavily and you couldn't breathe. The tears tracked down your face heavily and your throat swelled up as your eyes became glassy and your vision hard to see through the tears.

"I left you because I loved you. Because I wanted you safe. I know, I know how it looked when I left but I knew if I looked at you, if I cracked slightly you'd come within a heartbeat. I would've, I still fucking would done anything for you. I looked at you and I didn't see a Russian Spy. I didn't see the black widow, I didn't see a villian. I saw Natalia Alianovna Romanoff. Now I see a fragment of what we were, I see nothing but pain," you said as you refrained sobs.

You now dared to look at the woman who was once your world, who still is in your mind and she looked remorseful. She looked shocked, but most of all she looked broken. For once in months you saw the Natasha you first encountered when you entered the compound the one you were determined to help, to love and to feel. She saw you and you saw her.

You went to leave but it was as though something snapped inside of her, a coil turned and the wire snapped within her as she clasped your arm causing you to tense and freeze. Her touch elicited warmth within you, a feeling you'd been deprived of for so long running through your veins once more. You turned to look at her now seeing her own face painted with tears as they continued to pour down. Yet all you saw was beauty. All you saw was Natalia.

"Stay," her voice was hoarse with emotion and your body couldn't help but react to it. Your mind was stronger though.

"Why," you felt your voice speak before you thought.

She looked you dead in the eyes, only now could you see the anger wasn't there. No, pain no judgment. Just love and lust. Just Natasha.

"We didn't almost make it. We did make it and I love you. Please stay, please let it be enough," she begged you like the first time.

You weren't sure who moved first and who acted first but your lips collided as one, hands clawing all over each other as you fell back towards the bed. You did what she wanted. You stayed and Natasha appeared determined to show you just how much she loved you.

"You stayed," she whispered as her tongue brushed the roof of your mouth begging for access that you hungrily allowed.

Tongues clashed together, begging for dominance but as she flipped you over so she was on top it was clear who won the battle. She'd always win and you'd always let her. Her hands raked down your body undressing you so fast you didn't realise you'd been reduced to now only your undergarments.

"Have you still got a bratty behaviour that mommy has to take care of hmm," her voice was hoarse and coaxed in lust, your body jolting at the nickname.

You nodded unable to speak, but Natasha didn't like that. Instead her left hand crawled back up to your body as she leaned in and nipped at your earlobe, before burring her face at the junction between your neck and your jaw, nipping harshly. Her other hand squeezed your neck lightly causing a rushing of heat between your legs in response.

"It appears you have, use your words and be a good girl Y/N/N," she stated sucking harshly on your neck causing a load groan to escape your lips.

"No mommy, I'll behave," you whined and squirmed underneath her causing Natasha to pin you down further with her body.

"That's my good girl," her right hand moved to fondle with your breasts.

She pinched them lightly, rolling the tips of the buds between her finger tips earning another loud moan of approval from you. Nat always loved your moans and the way you squirmed for her. Her fingers could lightly touch you and you'd be wanting her craving her every touch and she thrived off it.

Her mouth moved further down your body kissing and nipping every part of the way. She missed the way you felt underneath her, missed the way your skin tasted and felt under her fingertips. God Natasha had missed fucking you and seeing you scream her name. She clearly had every intention of others seeing these marks but you couldn't care less, you were hers just as she was yours. That never really had changed.

"Mommy," you cried impatiently earning a light slap to your thigh.

"Patience detka. I want my sweet good girl all ready and squirming for me before I dive into have my desert," she stated with a smirk against your stomach.

The praise added with desert caused another wave of heat to hit you and you felt your pussy become wetter by the second. Her mouth attached to your breast as she nipped and sucked it in between her lips and you moaned out in pleasure. She gave it the most amazing attention, licking and bitting before switching her attention to the other one. Natasha focused so much on your breasts, you'd failed to notice her hand slipping down your body and playing with the hem of your underwear.

Her fingers lightly brushed over your clit through the clothed panties and you let out a rather guttural moan before sighing loudly.

"My my detka. You seem to be such a little slut, all soaked for me before I've even touched you hm?" She slapped your clothed cunt with demand causing your hips to buck in retaliation.

"Mommy please, I need you," you whined and she grinned as she slid down your body with an eager and hungry look in her eyes.

"Since you asked so nicely, I think I will fuck you until you're screaming mommy's name hmm? Would you like that kotenok? You screaming out my name as you cum all over my fingers and my face?" The mere thought of it caused you to whimper and nod fast.

"Yes please," you said as she let out a dangerous grin before yanking down your underwear wasting no time shoving two fingers in you.

The moans of you both filled the room as she fingered you in just the right places as before. They felt so perfect in you, fitted so right and made your entire body feel aflame.

"God you're so tight love, do you like mommy fucking you hard with her fingers hm?" She thrusted in faster causing you to shout out her name.

"God Natasha- please I need your tongue but I love it. I need it, please mommy," you squirmed so much she had to pin your down with one of her legs.

"Since you've been such a good slut and asked politely I think I'll take my desert now Y/N/N," she stated removing her fingers.

The loss of her fingers caused you to whimper and whine in sadness, the feeling of want overcoming you once more. However the feeling quickly went away as she replaced her fingers with her tongue and oh god was Natasha Romanoff talented with her tongue.

The older woman licked heavy and determined strokes up and down your pussy, causing you to let out dirty and insane moans, the tears of emotion trickling down your face. She continued eating you out until her tongue moved further down, entering you fucking you hard with her tongue.

"Oh my sweet girl, you taste just as you always have. I could eat you for hours and never want to pull away," she mumbled against your clit causing the vibrations to allow you to feel hot and sweaty.

She continued to lap at your clit with such determination and the coil in your stomach built up as you felt your orgasm drawing close. She sucked on your clit hard causing you to cry out and you knew you were close.

"N-Natasha," you whined and she knew but slapped your thigh in retaliation.

"That's not my name is it now kotenok hmm?" She sucked your clit with such hunger the noises filled the room only drawing you closer than before.

"Please Mommy, I'm close," you corrected earning an approving hum and she dipped back inside you, her thumb coming up to your clit.

"Who do you belong to sweetheart?"

You could barely process her words but you knew you'd have to respond otherwise she'd never let you release only edging you until you were sobbing underneath her.

"You, always yours," you cried out begging for a release.

"Good girl. Now cum for me Y/N. Fucking cum all over my tongue."

The vibrations of her talking mixed with the hard and talented tongue of hers allowed you to come undone as your orgasm washed over you and she continued to lick you through it, allowing overstimulation to course through your body. She hummed at your taste as she held you down getting her reward as you moaned collapsing down from exhaustion.

You felt her clamber off you and head into the bathroom as your ragged breaths filled the room. You'd missed that so much. You missed her.

Natasha's voice broke the silence that had been dancing through the room for mere minutes and filled your ears with such love and joy.

"That was something hm," she stated offering you the water to which you took and gulped down gratefully.

Pulling the covers over you, your body was exhausted and you looked over all you saw was her. She was back and you were here with her. Her smile softly matched your own as your eyes glassed over with emotions overwhelming you all at once.

"We made it," she whispered against you as she slid in next to you, nuzzling into your neck.

"We did."

"You stayed," she whispered and the unspoken truths became familiar and clear.

"I will always stay Natalia," you whispered against her. The gentle squeeze tighter around your waist was the unspoken words you knew.

As you drifted asleep in each others arms, sometimes the unspoken is better remained unspoken and other times it isn't. You did stay though. You always would. She was your Natalia and you saw her as that only. Just as you were hers, through the spoken and unspoken times. Throughout time and history, forever dancing as one.

≿━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━≾

AN: I hope you enjoyed that! If anyone does have any requests feel free to send them in! I'll do a master list shortly explaining what I do and don't write etc. Stay safe and happy! <3

[jelestes]

My completely sane and hinged rant after rewatching the second season of The Bear 😍

• Carmy/Claire

OMG I want to like Claire so badly but her character is so fucking annoying and that’s putting my whole sydcarmy shipper personality aside, she adds nothing to the plot/show, nothing to Carmy’s growth as a character (not that she should be responsible for that, but as a part of his subplot she doesn’t do much), no new perspectives, nothing. She has nothing you can hold on to she’s just kinda there. Her personality is bland and she’s pushy but at least she’s nice i’ll give her that! All that being said, Molly Gordon (the actress) did a great job!

• Natalie

Natalie isn’t talked about enough and it makes me so angry because she’s such a fascinating character like what was ep6??? that girl needs a fucking hug. As a woman with mommy issues I get Nat on so many levels (like, my mom also has threatened to blown her brains out in front of me so many times lmao) we only got a glimpse to what her life was/is like and I was already bawling my eyes out can’t imagine what they have in store for the next seasons. Also kudos to Abby Elliot (the actress) for the amazing job, we got to see so many sides of Nat it was so refreshing. (Ps: LOVE her relationship with Syd, omg)

• Tina

I remember hating Tina the first two episodes but man how much do I love her now. Her character just warms my heart, love LOVE that they made her a sous.

• Richie

I love cousin so fucking much. That’s pretty much it. As a twenty something struggling to find my passion and my path in general his plot in the second season really hit me, also his growth as a character in general was so nice to see, the way he realized he had to change to love himself not tiff or anyone else, that was really really cool.

• Richie/Natalie

Now call me absolutely insane but why do I feel there’s a tension between them? the whole soda thing when she says she’s pregnant (there’s a parallel to when Tiff was pregnant in 3.06), when he apologizes (it doesn’t feel he’s just apologizing for something in the present), idk there’s been a tension there since season one and I think it might be addressed in season 3? idk I might be delusional but I can’t be the only one seeing it.

• Carmy/Syd

* sighs * BECAUSE IF I SEE SOMEONE CALL THAT SHIT PLATONIC ONE MORE TIME I-

Can someone rationally explain to me why is Sydney the only person who can calm Carmy down during a panic attack? How is this shit platonic be so fr right now!!!! Why was Sydney over explaining herself when she told Carmy she doesn’t feel jealous of Claire? Try to explain this to me. You can’t because saying this is platonic sound fucking stupid SPECIALLY after the table scene.

IMO, they both know it and they both refuse to acknowledge it but specially carmy. I feel like they gonna have a fall out on s3 so they can finally start building this in the right direction.

That’s pretty much it, thank you for coming to my ThebearTalk! I’ll be insufferable for the next few weeks <3

[americas-ass-writing]

Get up, try again, walk it off

Steve Rogers x reader

Summary: Steve was tired of it all and wants to give up but someone convinces him not to

Words: 1.8k

Warnings: mentions of injuries, mentions of a hospital, dark thoughts, thoughts of death/ wanting to die

A/N: I wrote this when I was absolutely devastated after yet another rejection. I fixed the ending to be happier when I was in a better mood. I would have let this rot in my drafts if it wasn't for @anika-ann telling me that it's beautiful I could channel my emotions and create something and that she wants to read it. So thanks love 💙

You fall, you push yourself up. You fail, you try again. You get hurt, you walk it off.

Wisdoms Steve lived by his whole life. But what if... What if he reached a point where he doesn't have the strength to push himself up? What if he doesn't have the strength to try again? What if he doesn't want to walk it off? What if he just gave up? If he just let the exhaustion win and succumb to it?

Fight after fight, loss after loss, punch after punch. Steve was tired. So tired. He did so much good, saved so many lives. Why did he never get kindness back? Why did people spit on him for saving the city? Why did he only become a facade, a symbol and nothing else? Why did his feelings not matter?

His eyes open and he almost lets out a sigh that they do. Couldn't they stay closed? Couldn't his body just... no. That's not how his genetically engineered body works. It doesn't give up. He manages a smile at Bucky who's already berating him for risking his life and squeezes Natasha's hand that holds his. This is the most kindness he gets, his little disfunctional family. Still his heart longed for more... For a person to love him, to love Steve Rogers the man behind the shield, a person he can love back. For stolen moments, sweet smiles, comforting hugs, sweet kisses, a neverending love. But when you work as a superhero you don't get these things. You don't get a person who loves you. So his little disfunctional family is all he has, all he'll ever get. With that realisation he closes his eyes again and enjoys his friends as the yearning in his heart grows stronger once more. Maybe one day his heart will align with his brain and understand that he'll never have that kind of love. Maybe one day his body will align with his brain so it understands giving up and being tired is not an option for Captain America. Maybe one day he'll just function.

It's worst when he's alone. The silence louder than ever and his heart squeezing painfully at the loneliness. Oh how he wished he had a special someone who'd curl up next to him in the hospital bed, someone who'd text him good night, someone who'd search his eyes and frown at what they find, someone who'd try to make it better.

Sometimes he tries to distract himself, imagine he had this person. Daydreams in the kitchen of arms wrapping around his waist, of someone dancing with him while the food cooks on the stove. Reading a story and imagining himself as the love interest in the romance book he hides within the history one. Drawing himself with a blank insert of a partner, fantasising about the latest date they went on. Dreaming about someone, only to wake up and realise the hand that cradled his face was his own.

Every time he comes back to reality his heart pangs with the pain of loneliness. Steve doesn't understand why his brain and heart wouldn't just get used to it. He doesn't understand why he could feel so alone when he's surrounded by people. It's been this way for years and it never changed. Not even when he attempted to find someone. Sharon didn't work out, dates went awful and he didn't stumble upon the love of his life like in those romcoms Nat and Wanda liked to watch. His eyes find the ceiling of the med bay again and he lets out a sigh. Couldn't they stay closed for once?

"Ah Captain Rogers you're still awake" his eyes fall on an older gentleman, probably what he'd look like if he wouldn't have been frozen all those years. "I'm sorry if I woke you up I just need to check some of your vitals." He explains further and walks up to the machine Steve is connected to. Steve's eyes flit over his nametag. "No problem Mr Stan" he says with the best smile he can muster. The older man chuckles and pads Steve's shoulder lightly. "Stan is my first name. I prefer using it over my last name. Now... You probably have an interesting story to tell about how you ended up here huh? Not every day we get in Captain America on the brink of death." The older man smiles at him before he takes notes on the starkpad. Once he's done he places it on the small nightstand next to Steve's bed and pulls up a chair. "It almost seems like you've been getting more reckless over the years. You used to come in with a scrape or broken rip, we're out in a heartbeat."

Steve doesn't know what inclines him to open up to this man he hasn't met before but he lets out a sigh and rubs his face. "Brink of death? I guess I just tried to save as many people as possible. Didn't get out of the building on time before it collapsed..." The older man lifts an eyebrow and gives Steve a look as if he doesn't buy his shit. It rivals his mom's. He doesn't have to say anything to get Steve to open up. "Maybe... Maybe I don't want to do this anymore..." He whispers and the older man's face melts to a look of sympathy.

"Even superheros can change their jobs or retire" he offers oh so sweetly, causing Steve to let out a bitter laugh. "It's... Not just the job... It's everything... But especially the loneliness... How... Why do I feel lonely even if I'm constantly surrounded by people?" His eyes fill with tears that he quickly blinks away. "Oh my boy... You long for a special someone, for love? It'll find you. And before you scoff again and tell me it won't... It will. Everyone's deserving of love. And everyone will get the love they give. And you have given so much love. You'll get all of it and more back." Steve doesn't know why but he believes him. The hope in his chest blooming once again after he tried to suffocate it for years.

"But when?" His voice breaks. "It's not fair that I have to wait for it... I... I lost so much, I gave so much. Why do I not have that special someone yet?" It's the first time in years Steve has shown any form of weakness to another person. "Life isn't fair my boy... But we need to make the best out of it. Now I assume you've tried to find someone" at Steve's nod the older man hums. "Maybe you've just looked in the wrong places. Maybe you need someone like yourself that's yearning for love?" He offers and Steve thinks about it for a moment before he nods. They could help each other, love each other, heal each other. "But where would I find someone like that?" He whispers. Stan gives him a smile. "That, my boy, only you can find out. But you'll know when you meet them." He gets up and pads Steve's shoulder before he grabs the starkpad and walks to the door. "Who knows, maybe they're closer than you think" he throws over his shoulder and gives Steve a kind smile before he leaves the room. Steve looks after him and mulls over his words. Another sigh and he closes his eyes, trying to figure out a close place where someone like him could be for him to find.

A timid knock on the door pulls him out of his sleep. When did he fall asleep? He opens his eyes and is confused to see light streaming through the window. "Captain Rogers?" The melodic voice pulls his view from the window to the door, to you. His breath catches as he takes you in. You're the most beautiful person he's ever seen.

"I'm sorry to wake you but I have to take your vitals and then Dr. Cho and Dr. Banner want to have a look at you." You explain and walk over to the machine. "And after that you'll get breakfast. Your friends are already waiting in the hallway with it." You explain and put some data in the starkpad.

"Stan already took my vitals... Only 3 hours ago." Steve explains and sits up a bit to make sure he read the time right. You stop in your tracks and look at him confused. "Stan?" Steve's alarm bells ring. Oh no. Did someone sneak in? Did he tell an enemy his deepest darkest secrets? "Stan only works mornings... He hasn't started yet today" you tell him with that soft tone of yours. "Maybe you dreamt it? I don't have any data entry from 3 hours ago" you offer him the starkpad to look at his file only to confirm it. "Oh..." Steve let's out and looks at you. "I... I guess I dreamt it..." He doesn't know why he's so embarrassed by it.

"Many patients with head injuries dream weird things. It's completely normal." You explain with a smile. He takes you in once more. It's the same smile he gives. Seemingly happy but the longer you look at the eyes, the more you notice the sadness behind them. Maybe it was a dream... Maybe it wasn't. Maybe you're the one closer than he thinks yearning for love just like he does.

"How long have you been working here?" Steve asks and could throw himself out of the window for it. Maybe he should take Bucky up on the offer to learn how to flirt. "A few months now... And you?" You visibly cringe at your answer which he finds adorable. "Sorry that was stupid... You've been here since the beginning I... I'm just bad at smalltalk." Steve chuckles a little and gives you a sweet smile. "It's fine... I'm not great at it either... I uh... I'm Steve" he offers you his hand and you gently take it and introduce yourself. Steve's heart skips a beat and he's sure you'd notice it on the machine he's hooked up to but you're too busy giving him the sweetest smile there is. This time with more happiness in your eyes and Steve swears in this moment that he'll do anything to see your eyes full of happiness.

After the next mission that lands him in the med bay he isn't alone in his bed. You're curled up next to him, playfully glaring and telling him how stupid he is. He has a smile on his lips the entire time and agrees with you which makes you smile. The prettiest smile he knows and your eyes are full of happiness.

Steve thinks your eyes can't get happier, until the next time you two find yourselves in a hospital bed. This time Steve is curled up on his side, his arm carefully draped over your stomach and his eyes never leaving you and your little bundle of joy. He never imagined his heart could be so full of love, his body vibrating with happiness and here he was. Just a couple years after he wanted to give up, after he basically begged his eyes to stay close. If his body would have listened he would have missed out on his beautiful life with you and now your little one.

[heartz4shauna]

shaunanat headcanons? 😋

warnings: erm none. all pre-crash headcanons i guess but it doesn’t make a difference

hello! so so sorry this took me so long to do i didn’t want to. anyway hope this is okay !! i wrote this whilst watching titanic in the corner of my screen so. heavily influenced probably

shauna who writes little love letters and poems for natalie when she has a free period.

natalie who, despite saying she doesn’t like that cheesy stuff, keeps the notes shauna gives her under her bed in a shoebox.

shauna who loves listening to nirvana. not because she likes the music, no no. but because she gets to see natalie bop her head to the beat and pretend to play guitar.

natalie who always asks shauna how she gets her hair so shiny. as natalie bleached her hair, she thinks her hair is fried and scratchy, whilst shauna has virgin hair and would never think about doing anything to it. shauna doesn’t mind natalie’s “fried” and “scratchy” hair. in fact, she loves playing with it, mainly because she thinks natalie’s hum of contentment is endearing.

shauna who loves sci-fi movies, especially ones like back to the future. she always drags natalie over to her house, “trust me. there’s this new one out, i’ve heard it’s really good.”

natalie who used to think science fiction was for nerds. once she got to watching a few, she actually began to like them and even bought some on vhs to watch at home. she prefers thrillers overall though.

shauna who doesn’t wear a whole lot of jewellery, she trusts a solid pair of earrings to hold her outfit together, maybe a dainty necklace if she’s feeling it. she loves to buy jewellery for nat, though.

natalie who has a huge collection of rings, earrings, necklaces, the things alike. she loves chunky necklaces and layering them, too. almost every special occasion, she’s gifted a new pair of earrings or ring from shauna. cheap ones, of course, but she loves them nonetheless.

shauna who is willing to get into a fist fight with any fucker who tries to talk shit about her or natalie.

natalie who reassures shauna that it’s not a big deal, she’s used to it. shauna can’t stand it though.

shauna who traces soft circles over natalie’s skin whilst she’s sleeping. she likes to watch over natalie as she sleeps, knowing that she’s safe next to her.

natalie who often pretends to be asleep, just so she can feel that soft, caring touch. she mostly pretends to sleep normally after a long day of practice; shauna’s soft hands such a great change from the roughness of the field.

shauna who is always the one to host their sleepovers, especially when things aren’t great at natalie’s. she sets up a blanket on the couch, popcorn and a movie for when natalie shows up at her door looking a little bit gloomy, pillow in hand.

natalie who feels guilty looking to stay at shauna’s almost every other night. she feels like she takes up too much room and doesn’t help out enough. truth is, shauna could never be happier, knowing that the girl she loves the most, finds comfort in her.

shauna who is not a morning person. she usually wakes up early, though. she’s always super groggy until it hits around 11am. she prefers the quiet and stillness of the night. once everyone has gone to bed and it’s just her and her blondie.

natalie who couldn’t agree more. she hates the busyness of the morning, the chaos of getting ready. she normally wakes up about 15 minutes before school starts, but she’s rarely tardy. she prefers the late night drives to the gas station, for whatever it may be, the loudness of tens of people talking at a party, she prefers that over arguing any day.

shauna who prefers dogs over cats. frankly because she thinks dogs are kinder than cats, more friendly and less stuck up.

natalie who prefers cats. she likes the poise and elegance of cats. the smoothness of the way they move and how little they shed.

shauna who collects vinyls.

natalie who collects cds.

shauna who prefers tea.

natalie who prefers coffee.

shauna who prefers going to a pool. she hates the feel of sand and prefers the closed-offness and privacy of a pool. she likes reading by the pool, without a bunch of kids kicking up sand as they run past her.

natalie who prefers going to the beach. she loves the patterns of seashells and skipping them into the water. she prefers the open-ness of the beach. she says, if she could, she would swim to the other side of the world.

shaunanat who are my babygirls and should have no bad things happen to them ever!!!

[cupidbedsy]

hey could you give me some of your blog recommendations?

YES OFC

bare with me, i have a lot

➪ @sweetestdesire ; literally can never talk about brynn enough. i love her so much and i love reading her writing 24/7. plus she's so sweet and i love talking to her whenever i get to! ; [ navigation ]

➪ @winterbarnesblog ; ana just understands the hype. we get each other so much and we just vibe together. but i love her au's so much and i will spend time analyzing every detail of them ; [ navigation ]

➪ @heavenlyhischier ; i love reading abby's posts and her interacting with everyone, it makes my day even when she's not talking to me. not enough words to describe that ; [ navigation ]

➪ @bedsyandco ; cami is amazing, like honestly. i catch myself just looking at her blog just because it's pretty and then I'll read her fics and be even more in awe ; [ navigation ]

➪ @prettyboysinmyheart ; a is probably the sweetest person to ever exist and i'm not overexaggerating. she's always making jokes with everyone and makes everyone feel welcome ; [ navigation ]

➪ @quinnylouhughesx43 ; cannot go a day without thinking about cay. she is my biggest hype woman at times and i couldn't be more thankful for her and that ; [ navigation ]

➪ @toasttt11 ; toast is the first friend i ever made on here and i do not regret it one bit. i love her endless dedication to her au's (i don't understand how she does it trust) but i love her so so much ; [ navigation ]

➪ @asunsetgrace16 ; audrey is so fun and her fics are the cutest thing ever. we are honestly so chaotic but i wouldn't change it ➯ [ navigation ]

➪ @crazy4smitty ; telly is so fun to talk to! i love whenever i get to talk to her and she always makes my day when we do talk ; [ navigation ]

➪ @wineauntie ; i love ivy's writing with my whole being. i am the definition of sat when i see she posted something new, i will be engrossed in my phone for however long it takes me to read it ; [ navigation ]

➪ @puckology101 ; she's so fun to talk to and supports my chaoticness (literally couldn't ask for anything more)

➪ @verstappen-cult ; when i say writing angel, i mean a writing angel. i do not understand how one can write like gwen, it blows me away ; [ navigation ]

➪ @pucksandpower ; sign me up for those fics. literally, nat writes so well and i love reading them any chance i get. i have definitely taken a night to myself to just reread all of her fics ; [ navigation ]

➪ @star2fishmeg ; and last but not least, my meg. i love her so so much and i couldn't thank her enough for putting up with me ; [ navigation ]

➪ plus all of my lovely mutuals that i cannot go a day without talking to. i love them so much so go check out my mutuals tag to find them all <3

[proqhetic]

can u do like a bodyguard nat x popstar fem reader? maybe readers on tour. like huge sold out eras tour level. and nat's in charge of her security. maybe reader gets mildly irritated bc nat's walkie interrupts her all the time?

bodyguard!nat x popstar!fem reader

nat initially applies for the job because the pay is really good!! and the responsibilities are manageable

howeverrr, she forgot to account for the fact that now she has to wait on you hand and foot, which shes obviously not very happy about. . .

upon first meeting, nat despises you. refers to you as ‘spoiled’ and ‘princess’ behind your back or under her breath allll the time knowing it pisses you off.

she loves music — “real” music — and the “bubblegum synth pop bullshit” you sing (in her words) doesn’t count >:(

and yes, she knows she’s being petty and isn’t really giving you a chance, but at this point she really couldnt care less. doing everything a so-called diva would ask of her sounds pretty fucking nightmarish

having to hear her voice in your ear at all times is reaaally starting to get on your nerves. you find that just hearing her voice from the walkie talkies makes you want to scream! and rip your hair out!! (i wonder why…)

but as the tour goes on, you two inevitably grow closer because . well she’s supposed to be glued to your side at all times. and if there’s one thing you can rely on nat to do, it’s her job

say what you want about that girl, but she always does her job and she does it well !!!!

bickering and endless eyerolls turn into more lighthearted banter and teasing jokes eeeeekk

going out to a cafe on your off day and she’s accompanying you, and she’s teasing you as you two occupy the small two-seater table with your cute little coffee cups.

( nat wears her hair tied up in a bun, sunglasses, cargo pants, and a leather jacket — the androgynous outfit would throw any passer-by off >◡< )

“i can see the headlines now: ‘has the princess found her dashingly handsome prince charming?!’,” she giggles, waving her hands up as she announces her tabloid headline. you almost spit out the coffee in your mouth in laughter. “oh please, you wish. you know, you’re the only person who actually calls me that,” you respond, setting your cup down. “am i? well then, consider me honoured, princess.”

she starts showing up to your dressing room much earlier than when she needs to, just to spend more time talking and laughing with you <3

grows VERYY protective of you. likes physical touch with you a lot, just to remind you that you’re safe with her

she’ll keep a hand on the small of your back, or when you guys are in more intimate settings she’ll even hold your hand the whole way WAAAHDJS

she’s your biggest fan!! while she can’t be present to watch any of your shows in entirety because she’s on the job, she always tries to catch as much as she can & cheers super super loud !! (perpetually losing her voice)

she’s secretly started streaming your music a lot just to hear your voice . . the rest of the yjs are like ?????? who is this and where did emo punk rock nat go……

(secretly has a folder of edits of you on tiktok that she just likes to scroll through sometimes 😵‍💫)

sometimes when the stress and pressure of being on tour — not to mention the influx of hate comments online — get to you, nat will always be there to comfort you and reassure you, showering you in compliments and praise

“they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about, okay?” she says, her voice hushed. she found you sitting alone in your dressing room, doomscrolling under hate threads. she cups your face and continues, “they have nothing better to do with their— their sad lives, and are just aimlessly taking it out on a big name. because, you are so much more than that, okay? fuck, i’d be unemployed without you!” you can’t help but let out a soft laugh at that as nat laughs along, wiping your tears away with her thumbs.

admits to you that her impression of you has changed so much since you’ve both met. she thinks you’re one of the coolest people she’s ever met and admires you so much. this girl ADORES YOU!!!

she cant stop rambling really sweet confessions to you and you eventually cut her off with a kiss <33

the poor girl takes a second to process what’s happening, but the second she does she melts into the kiss, like she’s been waiting her whole life for this hhhjfjdhfjsh

dating her would just include lots more stolen kisses (and more🤭🤭) in between shows, as well as extra protective nat 25/8. they will have to pry you out of her cold dead hands!!!

and ofc, a shit ton of media coverage, speculation, and tabloids to deal with, aaand maybe a new lover-esque album from you coming soon? 🙈

a/n: HIHI i’m so sorry this one took so long😭😭 but i hope this is kinda what you were asking for!

[vivalas-vega]

Hello again! It's Syd 🥰🩷

I sent an ask a few days ago but I just saw your post about sending more so here I am! (& good luck on your journey quitting vape, you got this!! 🩷)

Here's an idea:

(Could be with bob, nat, jake, roost, it's up to you really) Reader just got home from work and starts rambling about work gossip with her partner while getting undressed to take a shower. The partner stops paying attention to the story as she lifts her shirt and takes off her pants, ogling at the brand new set of lingerie they had never seen her wearing before.

Reader is busy walking around the room gathering her skin care products & pajamas while going off on a tangent about a particularly annoying coworker. Noticing her partner isn't responding, she playfully asks "are you even paying attention to what I'm saying?", finally turning to find her lover on the edge of the bed with a dreamy look on their slightly flushed face, reaching for her as they ask "is that a new set...?"

Could be just fluffy with a hint of suggestive or smutty😌 feel free to change it anyway you want it!

hello !!! thank you so much for sending this request in and I'm so sorry that it took me an unreasonable amount of time to post !!! but, my first Bob fic ! this just screamed Bob to me, I took some creative liberties but I hope I did your request justice!

focus / bob floyd x reader

word count: 1k (short and sweet!)

warnings: a little spicy at the end but otherwise pretty pg-13!

“Bob, you home?” you asked, shutting the front door behind you as you dropped your keys in the bowl and slipped out of your heels and coat. Excitement had been radiating throughout your body, threatening to rattle you apart from the inside out the entire drive home. You were sitting on a rather juicy piece of intel you’d been counting down the seconds to be able to share with your partner… the first and usually only person you told anything and everything.

“Bedroom, honey!” You heard him call out and you raced down the hallway, bursting into the room with sheer glee written all over your face. “Good day at work?” he asked, amusement creeping into his tone.

“No, not at all actually. Remember that case I’ve been working on I regretfully cannot tell you anything about? Client withheld something major and I spent the entirety of my day reworking the whole thing… after I’d just done that yesterday.”

“Then what has you so excited?” He watched as you took off your watch and earrings, delicately placing them in their respective homes atop your dresser. The book he’d been reading was abandoned the second he heard your voice echo throughout your shared home. If you were even remotely in his presence there was nothing else that could hold his focus, not that he would have wanted anything else to take precedence over you anyways.

“So, in the break room today I overheard something I definitely wasn’t supposed to, regarding a certain coworker and her husband.” you started, eyebrows raised as you watched the excitement on his face mirror your own as he shifted down the bed to listen with rapt attention.

“Please tell me this is about Denise,” he almost begged. This particular saga of workplace drama was a personal favorite of you two.

“Oh, is it ever. She was on the phone with her husband in very hushed tones arguing about the pick up and drop off schedule for their kids when she suddenly said ‘this has nothing to do with him’.” you continued, placing your blazer in the hamper.

“Him, as in the kids tutor, right?” he asked and you nodded. 

“Mmhm,” you confirmed. “But the real pièce de résistance of this story is who made an impromptu stop by the office today… with flowers.” You’d already discarded your silk camisole and were sliding your favorite slacks off… a beautiful shade of emerald green fitted perfectly to your body before flaring out and creating the illusion your legs were a mile long. They weren’t just your favorite though, and you were completely unaware of the way Bob’s eyes tracked their movement down your curves into their puddle on the floor where you bent over to pick them up and he suddenly felt as if the room had gotten warmer.

“Is that so?” he asked, while his attention was hung on your every word a few moments ago, if you’d asked him any follow up questions on what you’d just said he’d have no response… he was far more interested in the black lace adorning your body, particularly in the fact that it was unrecognizable to him.

“Mmhm,” you hummed again, still blind to the way your boyfriend was looking at you as you moved around the room, lost in your after-work routine of shedding your work persona before your shower. “It’s as if she’s unaware of the fact that we all know, or maybe she is aware and just doesn’t care. It’s incredibly ballsy. You know, I actually like her husband, of course I know nothing of their home life and I know better than anyone the public façade can be polar opposite from the reality behind closed doors but he does seem like one of the good ones.” You’d paused for his response, expecting agreement or a snarky quip but when you were met with silence you turned around to find his eyes far lower than you anticipated. “Bob? Are you even listening to me?” you asked, pretending to be annoyed but really you were anything but as you saw the lovesick look on his face.

His head snapped up, eyes wide like a man caught, “sorry sweetheart, I just… is this a new set?” he asked, swallowing harshly as his hands reached out and caught your hips, tugging you to stand in between his legs. He was looking up at you with pure adoration, the kind that knocked all the air from your lungs and rendered you almost speechless. Your first meeting by chance at the Hard Deck all those months ago had done nothing to prepare you for the man before you… timid glances and bashful smiles, earnest conversation and a chaste kiss to your cheek after walking you to your car. There was nothing timid or bashful about him now, nothing chaste about the way his fingers trailed up your sides, leaving goosebumps in their wake as his eyes raked your form, fire burning within those blue eyes.

“It might be,” you teased, moving to straddle his thighs and his arms were quick to cage themselves around you, locking you in place and keeping you from falling backwards.

“And you expect me to give a damn about Denise when you’re parading around this room looking like this?” he asked, pressing kisses along the column of your neck.

You gripped his jaw, pulling his face back and forcing him to look at you. “You’re damn right I do.” you shot back, a mischievous smirk tugging at the corners of your lips.

“My apologies, ma’am, but I’m afraid your beauty is a bit distracting.” he replied, pulling your hand away and kissing the inside of your wrist. “Besides… I think my attention would be better served elsewhere.” he added before continuing his path up your arm and to your collarbone where you couldn’t help but tilt your head back, a soft sigh falling from your lips.

“I think you might be right,” you agreed, tangling your fingers in his hair and pulling his head back to press your lips to his. The previous topic was entirely forgotten now with your excitement channeled directly towards the man beneath you… the one person you wanted to share everything with and the one person who could make you gladly abandon anything and everything for.

taglist: @callsignspirit @thegodessc @failuretothrivestuff @olliepig @cruelmissdior @underaveragefangirl @grxcieluvr @amatswimming @camilaricci @nolita-fairytale @dempy @pinkpantheris @aviatorobsessed @tiredqueen73 @pono-pura-vida @binnieslove @nik2blog @waklman @abaker74 @halstead-severide-fan @percysaidnever @memeorydotcom @eli2447 @dumb-fawkin-bitch @Genius2050 @stargazer-88 @chloeforde @kmc1989 @casa-boiardi (if your name is struck through it means I couldn't tag you, sorry!)

[spicywhenspeaking]

If I'm There: Chapter Twenty-Three

read from part one here!

summary: Noah and Natalie met in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind.

this is a complete work of fiction, some characters while based on real people are totally made up. :)

Taglist: @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount @blackveilomens @thisbicc @laurpartyprogram @concretenoah @thebadchic @jessitpwk@madomens @samanthasgone @myownthoughts12@missduffsblog @jilliemiw86 @malerieee @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @badomensls @robabankfuckmickeymouse

“Things are pretty normal given the situation. Noah has called a lot since he left and talks with Erin for almost an hour on the phone each time. We talked for a little bit but honestly, my feelings for Noah are getting so cluttered it’s hard to talk to him for too long” 

“When you say cluttered what do you mean exactly” 

“It’s just hard talking on the phone, you know, with everything. We saw each other for the first time in ten years and then I shook his whole world telling him he’s a father and I just wish I knew what he was thinking. We didn’t have enough time to talk about it all. He met Erin and it was great but I just…I feel like a failure of a mother for depriving her of him for so long and I don’t know how to express to him that I’m sorry. And honestly, I’ve never let myself get fully over him, I just feel like there’s always been a piece of me that has loved him, maybe just from what I see in Erin.” 

Dr. Grady is quiet for a few moments while she thinks and takes in my words. 

“I cannot speak for Noah, but I believe forgiving yourself for the past is important and a necessary step in your healing. You’ve already mentioned that there’s nothing you can do to change what has happened and it seems like you’re focused on helping Erin navigate this situation. As for your feelings about Noah, there is nothing I can tell you, that is a completely personal journey that you will have to take.” I sink lower into the sofa in Dr. Grady’s office and try to unjumble my thoughts, but those surrounding Noah will take time to fully unpack. 

“And on top of all of it, my brother just got to town last night and I swear if you had told me ten years ago I would say I was jealous of Kyle's emotional maturity I would have pissed myself laughing.” As I tell Dr. Grady more, I recall my conversation with Kyle last night after Erin went down for bed. 

“So, she met Noah huh? And she seems pretty happy about the whole situation so I’m guessing it went well?” Kyle asked cautiously. “Yeah, it went better than I expected. He was great with her, asked her questions about what she likes, talked to her about music and his life. He’s called her every other day since he left and they talk for hours.” I tell him as I pour the two of us a cup of hot tea. 

“How do you feel about all of this?” He asks while blowing the steam off the cooling cup of tea in his hands. 

“When I myself understand my feelings I’ll let you know.” I let out a pathetic laugh, “I’m happy for Erin, she’s happy and that’s what’s important. I’m trying not to think too much about all of the "what ifs you know? I told myself that I wasn’t going to let my feelings mess this up for her. She deserves a relationship with her father” I tell him honestly and then because I’m unable to stop it the word vomit spews out of me. “But I can’t help thinking what if I had told him ten years ago, would we have gotten back together? Would I have ever known truly if it was for me or just because I got pregnant, I mean how would you feel missing Natasha’s birth, her first steps and her first words?”

He takes a sip of tea and sits up straighter in the kitchen chair. “I think I would be upset at first, which you said he was but Nat, you’ll drive yourself crazy if you keep thinking about all of these hypothetical scenarios.”

“But like would you be able to forgive Maggie? Would you still haven’t wanted to marry her?” 

A look of complete understanding washes across his face, “Nat, why do you insist you deserve to be hated for this? Why can’t you accept that he’s forgiven you and move forward? You forgave him for leaving all of those years ago. You’ve forgiven me for all the terrible things I’ve done, forgiven Dad too. You forgave Mom before she died. You believe everyone is worthy of forgiveness but you, why?” 

“You believe everyone is worthy of forgiveness but you…that’s what he said. It sent me for a loop. It’s true. I’ll allow everyone to be flawed and make mistakes but when it comes to myself I wonder how I haven’t been dropped by every person in my life” I explain the conversation to Dr. Grady and wait for her response as I sit up and prepare for the end of our session.

“It’s common for people with anxiety to suffer from severe self-criticism. I’m going to send you a few readings I’d like you to look over before our next session and we can discuss it more since we are almost out of time.” She clears her throat and straightens up the papers in her hand. “It’s a very good question your brother asked. I think you should think about that one, why do you think everyone else is worthy of forgiveness but you? Because you are Natalie, you are worthy of forgiveness and you need to start by forgiving yourself.”

I quietly thank Dr. Grady for our session and leave once our time is finished. 

She’s right and so is Kyle. I constantly forgive everyone all the time but never allow myself the grace of forgiveness.

Erin is happy, Noah is happy and it’s about damn time I let myself be happy too. 

It’s around 4pm when I return home from therapy and my grocery store run. I got all of the essentials for a fun backyard fire pit dinner. We’re roasting hotdogs and then s’mores for desserts later. 

When I get into the house I hear laughter and music filtering in through the kitchen, I walk through and notice the sound is coming from the backyard where Maggie and Kyle have set up the waterslide for the girls. 

“Uncle Ky! Go go!!!” I hear Erin bellow as I see my brother fling himself down and slide all the way to the end of the slide. 

“Oh hey, Natty!” Kyle calls, standing and shaking the water out of his hair. “How was your appointment?” He asks softly. 

“It was good! Yeah, I feel good, thank you for talking to me about it last night, it was really helpful Ky.” 

“Of course sis! What are twins for?” he says and then wraps his arms around me wiping water all over my dry clothes. “Kyle! Ugh!” I call out and push him off of me while he lets out a full bellied laugh. 

A few hours later we are sitting, dry,  around the warm fire. Kyle and Maggie are staying at a hotel but when Natasha started to get sleepy we put her in Erin’s bed until they left for the night. 

I’m helping Erin roast a marshmallow when Maggie comes into my view, handing me a glass of wine. “I think it’s time for that girl-talk I was promised” she giggles and turns to Haylie who’s sitting and roasting her own s’more, “and I mean you as well girl, I wanna hear about this new book. You gotta tell me if they’ll end up together in the end please” 

Haylie laughs and zips her lips, “hey I’m spoiler-free over here.” 

Handing Erin her assembled s’more she thanks me and takes a huge bite causing marshmallows to overflow out the side and drip down her chin. I laugh and wipe it before it hits the floor. 

Kyle stands to leave us to girl-talk and gestures towards Erin, “Come on sweety, let’s go watch a movie while your mom has her lady talk, it’ll be boring” 

Erin giggles into her s’more “They just want to talk about Noah and how mom used to like him and now they’re both weird” she states while tossing a strand of hair over her shoulder and I can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of me, “yeah, sorry for being weird kiddo. I’m working on it.”

“Aren’t you observant?” Kyle says to Erin steering her towards the back door. 

The three of us giggle at the way Erin was able to perfectly sum up the situation, “She sees everything I swear and she’s too smart.” I comment under my breath as I take a small sip of the wine Maggie brought me.

“What’s going on in that head of yours Natty,” Maggie asks and her face is nothing but compassionate. “Too much Mags, too much.” I take another long sip of wine and look into the slowly dimming fire. “I am so unbelievably happy to see Erin happy..”

“I’m sensing a but coming,” Haylie chirps from her chair on the other side of me. 

“But.” I say, giving her a pointed look, “but I am just still navigating my own feelings about all of this, so I’m just a little scatterbrained.” I admit.

“Do you think it’s possible Noah could still have feelings for you?” Maggie asks and I shoot up in my chair, surprised by her question. 

“Oh god no, I was just talking to my therapist about how shocked I am that he can even stand being around me,” I say and Haylie busts out laughing. 

“Oh my god, are you blind? Dude the way he was looking at you not only the literal day you told him about her but the day he came over and was here for like eight hours, for Erin of course but Natty, there is no doubt he was also here for you.” Haylie says with a matter-of-fact tone and my eyes roll back so far I think they might never come back. “Oh please, there is no way Noah has feelings for me, It’s been ten years and at this point, we are just trying to navigate this co-parenting thing.” 

That gets a laugh out of not only Haylie but Maggie as well, “you’re either blind, stupid or both if you don’t think that guy is and always has been in love with you, knowing he now shares a child with you is only going to cause him to further attempt to submit himself as the only man in your life,” Maggie says but I shake my head in disagreement, I just don’t think that is in the cards for Noah and me anymore no matter how easily I lose myself in his eyes, or how I secretly listen to his music and have always known he was the most talented person in the world. 

“Whatever our feelings for each other may be, Noah and I have agreed that the most important thing is Erin’s happiness. I’m not going to risk that so I just need everyone to respect that.” I say with more firmness in my voice than intended. Maggie looks at me with a quiet understanding, “I will support you either way. I’m always on your side.” she says. Haylie nods in agreement “Me too.” 

We spend another hour outside finishing our wine before heading back inside to see Kyle and his family off for the night. Erin heads up for bed soon after and I do a final sweep of the kitchen before heading up to bed myself.

As I’m laying my head down my phone rings lightly and I hesitate slightly before answering. 

Hey Noah, is everything okay? Sorry but Erin is already asleep if you wanted to talk. 

Hey, yeah everything is okay. I figured she’d be asleep, I was hoping to talk to you actually. If thats okay?

Oh, um yeah, we can talk. Whats up?

Are we okay Natty? 

I freeze. What does that even mean? Are we okay?

Um. yeah? Why wouldn’t we be okay? 

I just feel like…I don’t know how to say this. I’ve been trying Natty but when I talk to you on the phone it’s like you can’t get off fast enough.

What do you mean? I just figured you wanted to talk to Erin so you could get to know her more. 

I mean, of course want to talk to Erin, but Natty I want to talk to you as well.

It’s been ten years and I meant what I said about wanting to be in your lives. 

You want to talk to me? About what? 

He laughs and the warmth of it climbs into my heart and makes a nest. 

I want to know about your life, I want to meet the Natalie that you’ve become and I want to try and make up for all this time I’ve lost.

Oh. I’m - well I’m sorry if I was short with you on the phone. Honestly, all of this has been a big change for us all.

I haven’t been good about dealing with this, obviously. 

Yes, It was a big change but I want you to know that I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this alone anymore. I truly do intend to be there. For both of you.

That’s co-parenting right? We’re in this together now. 

Yeah. Together. I like the sound of that. 

I can’t help the blush that spreads across my cheeks and down my neck, I know he meant together as parents but for a moment I allow myself to believe we could be the happy family I’ve always dreamed of. 

I know it’s late so I can let you go if you’re getting ready for bed-

No, no, I can talk. Unless you’re tired.

No, we just got off the stage and I’m to amped up to sleep yet.

So Natty, tell me about your life. 

We talk on the phone for hours. About the last ten years, I told him about life with Erin and we reminisced about life when we were young. I don’t remember hanging up, but I guess I fell asleep sometime while we were talking because when I woke up there was an unread text on my phone.

Noah S : goodnight :) I have missed talking to you these last ten years Natty. It is good to be back in your world. 4:13 am

I walk down the stairs with a spring in my step and I feel lighter than I have since this all began. I know we will all be okay and I can finally say that Noah and I are friends again after all of this time.

The rest of the week with my brother and Maggie is so much fun. We spend time at the park, go to museums and even a minor league baseball game. When they leave at the end of the week I give Kyle a big hug. "Thanks for everything Ky, I love you bro."

"I love you too sis, you're an amazing person. don't ever forget that."

Noah and I start texting more frequently in-between our phone calls and I find myself smiling and laughing more at my phone than I have in years.

In a week Noah will be back and Erin is so excited.

I won't lie, I'm pretty excited as well.

next chapter