#this was very poor planning
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fluffypotatey · 10 months ago
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Luke: I’m here to recruit
me:
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gherkinlizard · 7 months ago
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oh how indeed ezra... how indeed
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krysmcscience · 2 months ago
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Don't mind me, just slacking on a big Billford comic by making other far more ridiculous Billford comics and also some AU art (please excuse my slapdash human!Bill thank you please, also before anyone asks the art style is messy and all over the place because idgaf LOL)
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This started out as an excuse to design a Bill Cipher-inspired "wedding" dress, but then spiraled wildly out of control. Various rambles and a bunch more human!Bill arts under the cut, including another silly little comic at the end! (Feel free to skip the rambles, I won't be offended. I know I'm bad at shutting up. XD)
I may or may not write some comedy stuff for this AU, which I'm calling 'For Better Or Worse (But Mostly Worse)'. While Ford DOES remember getting sloshed enough for one thing to lead to making out with another after karaoke, neither he nor Bill remember this wedding, At All. The Love God did nothing to dissuade them from going hog wild on their marriage spending, either, so it got...uh. Exorbitantly Expensive. As in, the grand total could probably buy the entire fucking MOON sort of expensive. (It's fine, don't worry, Bill's good enough at crime to be able to afford it.) Also, because the logic of this AU is mostly dictated by Rule of Funny, the Love God's powers are close to unlimited when it comes to matters of romance, but ONLY when it comes to matters of romance. (Like weddings!)
Want an empty human vessel to smash the soul of a triangle into for date nights or when it's convenient, or perhaps even when it's NOT convenient? Easy peasy! Want the marriage to be recognized in every corner of the multiverse from now until the end of time, thus making any potential future divorce nigh-on impossible? Can do! Want to buy an entire beach for the ceremony and honeymoon and in general, and totally not at all because it would be Super Hilarious to prevent any specific movies from being made on that very same beach in the future? Fine, whatever, it's not his finances he's ruining!
Does the Love God also provide special rings that just so happen to turn incorporeal as long as the "happy couple" doesn't remember that they barged into his dreams to bully him into presiding over their marriage? ...No comment!
He spends the next thirty years trying and failing to get in touch with either of them for payment. This is why you should always demand half the money up front, my guy!
Also it's absolutely a traditional Jewish wedding, because I like the idea of Bill demanding all the keepsakes from the marriage that he paid for, and being completely confused when one of the things he's handed is a fancy container full of broken glass. He gets it later, but in the moment, he thinks the Love God is just fucking with him some more.
Ramble over! Here's the full dress that caused the comic to happen, along with what Ford wound up wearing at the wedding (and begrudgingly agreeing to put on again later for Reasons), aaaaand also a close-up of Bill's ring:
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I may have forgotten to draw Bill's hair floofier when drawing the back of the dress, lmao
Since double ring ceremonies have been leaking over into Jewish wedding customs for a while now, Ford also has a ring, but his is the much more traditional plain gold band. There's definitely a message engraved on the inside - embarrassing, cringe, or incriminating somehow - but I haven't decided what it is yet, so use your imagination for now. XD Bill, on the other hand, saw the phrase 'traditional plain gold band' and said "No Thank You" before proceeding to embellish his ring to his liking. And because he's a secret sap who adores Ford's extra fingers, the triangle points add up to twelve, as do the engraved stars. Yes, they're stars, not dots, I just got lazy. There's also six lashes on the eye gem, and probably an eye engraving on the inside with another six lashes. (Bill's got it BAD, okay? We all know this.)
Here are the initial scribbles of Bill's custom vessel in more casual attire, please ignore the wonky anatomy and the fact that I flat out refuse to ever draw him with a proper top hat:
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He does actually need a cane in this vessel; since Bill tends to possess men and especially Ford more often than not, he's used to having a higher center of gravity when in a human body, so his ability to balance is pretty garbage. (He may or may not topple over with concerning regularity.) As for his empty eye socket, his bangs don't do much to hide it since he's so high-energy (dude is constantly on the move), and he also refuses to wear a patch over it, because 1.) why bother, and 2.) it's more fun to freak people out.
To better align with Ford's attraction towards the strange, the vessel was designed with super minor shapeshifting ability - Bill can look like a perfectly normal human, but he can also make the teeth and fingers sharper whenever he likes (which is mostly just when he's angry or being more of a menace than usual), as well as slit down the pupils or outright ditch the irises altogether. He can also have whatever he wants in the downstairs department, just because I'm an indecisive bitch on that front, lmao. Maybe he can have boobs if he wants them, too, but I ain't drawin' tits on no triangle, nuh-uh, no sir. His powers are otherwise limited down to what humans can do, because for some reason, the Love God doesn't trust Bill to not snap into Immediate Apocalypse Mode if he's given a physical form that's actually all his and no one else's.
Due to the body being all his and no one else's, it's also not really a standard possession so much as it is just...Bill being temporarily human. He's a lot more aware of and in tune with his human body's senses than he ever was with his "puppets", which makes things like pain a lot more intense. (He is mostly fine with this, because he's a fukken masochist.)
A bit more fashion stuff, including beach and party attire~
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The beach outfit was mostly me trying and failing to nail down his body shape, which is still not bottom-heavy enough. I then decided to slap a bikini on it, before making it supremely unsexy with a pair of fugly shorts, because Bill's fashion choices are not allowed to be conventionally attractive. Meanwhile, the party outfit was mostly me looking at the casual attire I designed, asking 'how would Bill make this Worse', and then drawing the result. The mismatched thigh-highs are killing me inside! :D
No, his vessel can't actually summon fire, I just drew it for funzies before I decided on said vessel's limitations. Yes, the gold brick tattoos are absolutely a reference to the fic 'Knowing Me, Knowing You' - I simply could not resist.
I also HAD to draw Bill in one of his canonical(?) shirts, just made tank-top'd:
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He is absolutely about to over-correct and fall backwards after this. USE YOUR CANE, GOOFBALL!!! (I meant to draw Bill closer to this degree of bottom-heavy in the other images, but. Alas. I am bad at anatomy, LOL)
And, last but not least before More Comic Time, I attempted to draw him closer to Gravity Falls style:
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Jury's out on whether or not I succeeded, but - hey. I tried. Now have some Handyman Bill AU, but with my goofy human design, instead:
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Hey, it's a 'mystery snack', and the guy wanted A BITE to eat - the joke was right there, guys!!! (Based on this post, because it just screamed BILL CIPHER to me.)
whoops i forgor bills ring and cracks ahaha too late now
I WILL SHUT UP AND STOP RAMBLING NOW K THX BYYYYYE
#fanart#gravity falls#billford#bill cipher#stanford pines#stanley pines#the love god#human bill cipher#human bill design#fashion design#comics#poor stan gets to find out his twin boinked a triangle when the love god shows up at the mystery shack demanding payment LMAO#cue internal panic for stan as dipper and mabel lose their collective shit over the fact that they now have a surprise new grunkle bill#the love god helps himself get paid by teaching the kids how to trap bill in his human vessel for the foreseeable future#bill is bewildered and pissed but also very much 'holy shit i have a FAMILY again??? neat but terrifying??????? what the F*CK do i do now'#he then proceeds to attempt to lovebomb his new family into being okay with the impending apocalypse#all while the three of them attempt to lovebomb HIM into giving up his plans for said impending apocalypse#then two days later ford shows up and is just like. what the ACTUAL F*CK IS HAPPENING???#cue stan immediately screaming 'I HAD TO PRETEND TO BE THAT THING'S HUSBAND FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT SO F*CK YOU AND YOUR BAD TASTE FOR THAT!'#stan spends those two days straight dropping very sour hints that he's being punished for someone else's terrible mistakes#bill finds this absolutely hilarious and thus plays along - but not without dropping his own hints that ford is the FAR superior twin#dipper and mabel have ZERO idea of what is actually going on because the love god did NOTHING to clarify the situation#dipper is convinced that stan and bill are speaking in some kind of bizarre code that only adults can understand#mabel is convinced that the code is flirting - which means stan and bill are going to live happily ever after and have tons of kids + pets#NEITHER of them are prepared for ford showing up. not that they were in canon. but still. now it's even MORE crazy#'what do you mean we get TWO NEW GRUNKLES???' 'two grunkles in two days - gotta be some kinda record'#ford then has to decide if he wants to remain justifiably furious at bill or join the other pines in lovebombing him into submission#he then gets to learn that lovebombing bill works surprisingly well because that triangle is just The Biggest Attention Wh*re#the entire AU would just be ridiculous antics with a splash of billford#these tags are an abomination lmao
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starry-bi-sky · 2 months ago
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danny and officer martinez's relationship in "late at night, when the nightingale sings" in a nutshell:
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Martinez: FREAK! GET YOUR FUCKING KID!
Battinson, on the other side of the crime scene: he don't bite
Martinez, with Nightingale firmly attached his arm, visibly biting him: YES HE DO!
*points at them* Danny is the Bugs Bunny to Martinez's Elmer Fudd.
Another Officer: i can't believe you're fighting with an actual twelve year old. Martinez: i swear to god that is not a twelve year old, that is a little hellion that crawled out of batman's shadow one dark and stormy night and decided to dedicate his existence to tormenting me. Officer: Are you really that mad about him putting a sticky note on your back-- Martinez: thats not the point
in danny's defense: the word "freak" is. a mini beserker button for him for.... obvious ghostly reasons, so like, even if its not directed at him, he still very much unappreciates Martinez's insults at Battinson. Danny may or may not be projecting.
he's not going to hurt the guy! not in any serious or permanently disfiguring way at least! But he is going to leave mean sticky notes on the square part of his spine that he can't reach, and stick salt in his 3AM Late Night Crime Scene Coffee, and kick the bottom of his heel while he's walking so he stumbles. And other petty, infuriating things that tally up and boil over, over time.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#blood blossom au#dpxdc memes#dpxdc au#the only thing martinez is right about is the fact that danny is. in fact. NOT twelve.#he's just shrimpy because he's half-dead#there's eventually a 'martinez vs nightingale' board in the precinct called the beef board. it tallies every time one of them gets got by#the other. danny is currently in the lead by a wide margin. martinez is very limited in what he can do bc of multiple reasons. but one#of them is the fact that batman HAS punched a cop before. three actually. and he won't hesitate to punch another if martinez actually did#anything to harm nightingale. and also nightingale shows up so rarely and doesnt stick around long enough for martinez to retaliate#or properly plan ahead. its kinda a wild card whether or not nightingale pops up on the scene.#nightingale: i am just a little guy!! the littlest of boy!! baddabing-baddaboom! you wouldn't do nothin to a little guy would'ya?#battinson who atp knows full well that if it werent for the blood blossom danny could turn martinez into a red smear: *would you?*#danny: if it werent for the laws of this land i would have committed acts of violence against You Specifically :)#and also like. every single other officer insulting batman and callin him a freak. they're not safe either martinez is just the poor sucker#that i have a name to give the face to#danny's a good kid but also i don't picture him totally.. hm... mentally stable? he's a little spicy. as a treat.#he's kind at his core but also he found his family's corpses and was isolated from society for 4 months by his abusive godfather and was#poisoned with quite literally the only toxin capable of destroying him entirely and can no longer (currently) use his powers without dying#instantly. so he's! he's doing his best! like between being chaotic and being kind he's def gonna choose being kind but also.#he's living on borrowed time and is in a constant active state of being slowly eaten alive by his own bloodstream. it weighs on ya psyche#danny's barely even processed his family's death and now he's got all this other trauma stacked on top to address. he is Windows EXP rn#tormenting martinez is just. an itty bitty way he can let loose some of the stress he's ignoring.#considering danny's alternate timeline was: world annihilation. he thinks he's doing pretty well all things considered
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daily-hanamura · 1 year ago
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ghastlyaffairs · 7 months ago
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for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of
also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut
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the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)
#hs#homestuck#dirk strider#eye strain#probably? if you think i should tag something else let me know!!#anyway hooray its time for rambling in the tags#so uhhh heres the teæ i've been sick for like a week and you know how it is when suddenly your throat becomes the main gunk warehouse#and you can't breathe lol. wish i could just pull it out. anywaaayy this is basically a vent piece for me being sick lol#also i could draw remotively the same thing with kris deltarune. oh how easy it is to project having a cold#though i have been also experiencing troubles with feelings recently as well....how fitting for dirk#speaking of the man himself (enough of me) his relationship with his own Heart...is peculiar to say the least#the thing i love about alphakids is that despite being so feral they were. so relatable. i cannot stress this enough how unwell they are an#and how they represented being a teen so well. yeah being 15 years old makes that to you#imagine being an emotional mess and trying to fit the 'norm' and act normal about your friends so youre not offputting#and then you fall in love with you friend and your ai clone falls in love with him too looool noone makes out of this one alive#uhh literally. godtiering stuff and dying remember#and speaking of it. tw for suicidal talk for the rest of tags#do you ever think dirk was suicidal. of course the part of when he teleports his head to jake was totally planned and he knew he would ->#wake up as dreamself but. don't you think the moment he cut his head off was sort of. cathartic. how much did he hate his own guts#beheading himself not only for the plan...but also because he thought he 'deserved' it#also wow he is a Prince and was literally beheaded don't you think its funny hahaa#sigh poor thing#this has ended on a not the very pleasant note hm#also fckkkkkk i didn't draw anything with rose/mary for the lesbian visabilty week#(putting the slash because tumblr search system has a dumb gag with showing you posts that contain the tag inside the other tag.#and i don't want this post to show up for the ros/mary fans because it's not!!!! its rose's father emotional crisis post!!!!)#update YOOOO WHAT THE HELL THE GIF HAS EVEN LESS PIXELS THEN I PLANNED fantastic#this your breakfast now tumblr. enjoy your crunchy flakes of dirks meltdown. mwah
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lgbtlunaverse · 2 months ago
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Thinking of the Nie disciple that told Nie Mingjue it was Meng Yao who stayed behind to clean up corpses on the battlefield today.
Nie Mingjue didn't just randomly stumble upon poor lil meowyao eating bread in the novel, he was already looking for him to thank and reward him for his work.
That's what makes it so fun that nieyao's first conflict will end up being about someone else taking credit for Meng Yao's work.
And I'm sure that Nie Mingjue's actual opinions on plagiarism are a lot more nuanced, all we really get from him in this scene is "well you shouldn't kill someone over it!" which leaves a lot of room for what punishments he thinks are appropiate. But I bet that it isn't occuring to him in this moment that the only reason he knows Meng Yao at all, the only reason he got such a capable deputy, is that he noticed someone was taking care of the dead and cared enough to want to know their name. And then the Nie disciples didn't lie to him. The disciple he asked could have said "it was me, Zongzhu" to rise in the ranks himself, but he didn't. He went and asked others, who all also could have taken the credit, but they didn't. Someone saw Meng Yao working and decided to be honest about it and that simple decision is the catalyst for Meng Yao becoming Nie Mingjue's deputy.
Meng Yao can't just work hard to get results, others have to acknowledge that work. If they don't, it's as if he didn't do anything at all.
#i'm very proud of the phrase poor lil meowyao. i'm sure i'm not the first one to come up with it but i'm proud nonetheless.#mdzs#mdzs meta#nie mingjue#meng yao#anyway this isn't a nmj bashing post i think 'ok that's bad but don't do MURDER' is overall a pretty reasonable reaction#but the emotional disconnect is fun to ruminate on. I bet meng yao IS thinking about that moment while coming up with his fake-suicide plan#anyway i always laugh a litle whenever anyone wonder if meng yao looking a bit pitiful was all some master stategy to get nmj to like him#because like... no. no that would be a stupid plan and also involved way too many factors he couldn't control.#and also!! he was already doing something else to try and get nmj's attention. all of that fucking work!!#if you plan on getting nmj– guy famous for valuing merit and hard honest work– to like you what is more useful:#looking a bit like a sad little wet cat in case he comes across you? or. Working really hard and being more useful than everyone else?#ding ding ding it's the latter.#nmj is ALSO a bit weak for someone looking like a kitten left in the rain but that's not well-known at all and meng yao didn't know him yet#anyway the fact that that is his plan does mean he's very aware how much it hinges on other people not just lying and saying they did it.#i wonder what networking efforts lil heijan meng yao was doing. trying to make friends with all the other disciples.#walking the tightrope of being accomodating but not a doormat so people see you as someone to rely on rather than take advantage of.#as much as we know not everyone in the nie is as righteous as nmj it does seem like there is a culture of taking pride in your own work.#even the cultivators who bully him in the novel just seem think it's funny he's working so hard.#using someone else's actions to prop yourself up is kinda like admiting they're better than you. a wound to their pride if nothing else.
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xxplastic-cubexx · 3 months ago
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charles better than me cause if i had to feel a coin tear through my brain AND get shot and paralyzed all within the same half hour AT BEST i would be so petty about it to erik until i died
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aroaceleovaldez · 2 months ago
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full on feel like pjo tv s2 is not gonna hold up so they need to drag as much attention to the series as they can by using nico as a sock puppet w tsats2
im fully expecting the show to go the way of the movies. it doesnt help Sea of Monsters is almost unanimously the least favorite book of the first series. People frequently forget it even exists or what happens in it, especially more casual fans.
Heck, just look at how little fanfare the second season has gotten so far as compared to the build up to s1. I wouldn't be surprised if s2 totally flops. It would be a little funny.
#pjo#riordanverse#pjo tv#pjo tv crit#tsats 2#Anonymous#ask#im still sad theyre beating every dead horse in the franchise they can EXCEPT for the graphic novels#the poor graphic novels arent getting advertised AT ALL and the BoO one got cancelled#like. the graphic novels would actually be probably one of the best advertising avenues!#like. hey! you dont need to write a whole new book! just remind people of previous books and give them a way to refresh on it#and given how the first couple of graphic novels were a different artists i could totally see them doing a second version#just to make them all consistent. thatd make sense and be reasonable.#the show has also already kind of trapped itself in a corner in a couple of ways#for one they kind of screwed themselves over failing to plan for the actors. yknow. ageing.#Walker is already taller than like. most of the cast. Percy's gonna be TOWERING over Luke by TLO#i think the main trio is all like almost 16 already? and we're only on s2. its gonna be rough. they didnt think about it. they didnt plan.#also with how theyve been messing with plot and characterization theyre VERY quickly going to start running into hurdles#because they dont seem to understand the more you change earlier on. the less the later stuff will work without also needing change#because. it's dependent on what comes before. so we will very quickly be requiring either MASSIVE canon divergence or a lot of retcon#and retcon in the show is going to be VERY OBVIOUS#though i stand by itll be so funny if they solve too much too quickly in s2 just like the movies and it just ends on#''wait. crap. what are we going to do for s3 now. we solved too much too early. they have nothing to do''
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infinite-infinite-stars · 11 months ago
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What if... Who Killed Markiplier... but it's Ace Attorney Investigations...
"Ace District Attorney Investigations", if you will.
(Everything you see here was drawn by me, with some backgrounds/that one evidence photo being either screenshots from the show, or edits of official photographs of Mythea Castle, where WKM was filmed)
#who killed markiplier#wkm#ace attorney investigations#wkm fanart#wkm district attorney#captainsona#captain yona masters#''a burgundy-wearing prosecutor teaming up with a kooky detective? now why does that sound familiar- OH YEAH!''#anyway you guys ever notice that the da from what we're shown is a pretty piss-poor investigator?#they just kinda wander around aimlessly and allow people to shoo them away before offering up any information#like their alibis or lack thereof#it doesn't exactly help that wkm is a choose your own adventure without any choices#and I know mark's team was limited on budget and time or whatever and they meant for it to be more involved than what we got!#it's not their fault!#but still you can't deny that what we got isn't very satisfying as far as murder mysteries go#and I don't feel all that compelled to pretend otherwise!#so in the version of wkm that exists in MY head#da!yona is going to take the prospect of solving her dear friend's murder SERIOUSLY goddammit!#(the conclusion she's gearing up towards in the last two pictures#is that the party was a cover for mark's plan to kill the colonel; but it obviously backfired and mark wound up getting killed instead)#(that's her theory. as we all know it's not /quite/ accurate to what really happened but it's pretty close!)#(obviously she's unaware of any supernatural element to the whole thing at this point)#(or heck maybe in this version of events there actually isn't a supernatural element at all and she's right. I haven't decided)
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bayetea · 24 days ago
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I'm gonna froth at the mouth over this in the tags so bear with me but reason #1278038 why the way rick went about breaking up jiper was bad: rereading her povs in hoo where she gushes over jason feels like even more of an unreliable narrator queer girl comphet psychological horror story
#it's not that that isn't interesting (it's fascinating actually. especially for a daughter of aphrodite!!!)#it's that it Obviously wasn't his og intention. the ending of hoo is clearly intended to give a positive impression of jiper#this is worsened because shelper is wildly underdeveloped so it's like Dude what did you even do this for#literally just an afterthought. a footnote really. he said “ok here's your canon sapphic rep pls stop shipping theyna now” /j#she was a main character in one of the main couples in hoo it's so crazy? how can that happen. he would never do this to percabeth#can you imagine if percabeth broke up offscreen and 2 months later annabeth was with some complete rando and then percy died. girl what#it's the kind of setup/payoff issue that is difficult to put into words because he set up something (jiper and all its complex morality)#to ultimately be good because they're making the choice to love each other in the end (poorly executed but whatever I don't hate it)#and then in toa????? he just obliterates them for no payoff and creates a new impression of the most literal case of comphet imaginable? wh#toa is my absolute least favorite sorry#marginally related but if we can Be. Chill. and acknowledge that he originally wrote nico as crushing on annabeth#(we can argue all day about how Definite the crush was but come on. he did not put percy's speculation of it in there for no reason)#(and he obviously did not plan for nico to be gay back then you will literally never convince me of this)#(representation was NOT on his mind in the first 5 books that's why the cast is almost completely white except charles and ethan)#(the disposable poc who die tragically btw)#then I see a similarly confusing debacle but like. in the opposite way#something something sexuality is fluid you can be gay and feel confused about how u used to have a het crush but are still gay#nico says so himself to piper which is hilarious#it's just the lack of consistency and poor planning that I hate........... it is a ginormous pet peeve of mine and it's All Over His Books#piper already reads as having so much growing to do regarding her gender and sexuality because Somebody#(the man writing her) littered her pov with internalized misogyny/anti hyperfemininity and went nowhere with it#rr crit#percy jackson and the olympians#piper mclean#jason grace#pjo hoo toa#anti jiper#<- I PROMISE I am not actually anti-jiper I am very neutral about it as I am with all jason ships. they had cute moments#tagging that just in case#this comes from a place of deep love for the franchise and it's characters btw I have been a fan since I was 8
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phoenixcatch7 · 1 year ago
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Open up
Based on this wonderful art of @puppetmaster13u for the dollhouse au!
It had been a long day, and was destined to be even longer.
The original plan had been bad enough; the league had a media conference planned for three o'clock, one that involved foreign presence and thus required pristine presentation.
Then, as all perfectly good plans that could have been left alone by the universe did, it was derailed by a villain attack or several. He said several because it seemed almost a dozen separate villains had individually had the bright idea of sabotaging the well publicised event. Though they'd failed, the accidental collaboration had done what each alone could not, and now the league was dragging themselves to base to hurriedly patch up the thankfully minor wounds and try and rush to meet the deadline.
Each league member on the list had a formal version of their usual super suit - flash's main change had been a bowtie before it met almost unanimous disapproval, and on the other end of the effort spectrum was Bruce. Not of his own will - he quite envied Flash's staunch faith in the single black bowtie - but he not only had been raised for the fast and critical world of the upper class, but was currently in a metal plated marionette held together by glue and screws and wires, which meant changing attire was more of a debacle than it would ordinarily be.
He flipped open the toolkit with the best approximation of a sigh the doll body could manage. The chest inflated and deflated, which was in fact a rather worrying sign because it wasn't supposed to be able to do that. He grabbed a screwdriver and a pit of tar glue and approached the mirror. He'd just have to go into the globally broadcast meeting stinking of sulphur... Perhaps he could borrow perfume from one of the girls, cologne combined dreadfully.
The chest cavity opened with little tugging, and he held one side in place as he attacked the bent hinges. An odd feeling, for sure. He took a hammer to the dent, imagining it was the penguin's face and praying Clark didn't decide now was the time to approach him on his self soothing metalworking hobby. He'd been entrusted with the override code for the door and Bruce was now quietly regretting that.
The chest cavity doors creaked back into place, which enabled him to finally pull out the costume change for the evening and dump it on the side.
Now for the leg, having been crushed under a tank penguin had smuggled into Gotham. It now bent the wrong way, and hiding it under his cloak had been a pain, but at least it hadn't come off -
There it went. Batman watched, almost despondent, as it toppled free of his body and crashed to the ground. The unhappy static that raced up his spine at the sight was expected - he'd be paying for the lack of care for the Patriarch Doll in nightmares tonight.
Joy.
He tipped into the nearby stool and kicked the lost limb closer with his remaining foot, squinting. Just a cracked screw and torn spring at the knee, thank goodness. He'd have it fully attached again within the hour.
But he was pretty sure he couldn't bend that far over without his jaw falling off, so face it was.
Hood off, wires unlaced under the chin, hidden screws loosened. The gas mask came off. The velcro on top of his head took good old fashioned yanking, but eventually peeled off with reluctant crackling, revealing the unpainted grey metal beneath.
As expected, his jaw was almost entirely loose, unable to close now without the structure of the mask. The nutcracker mouth in the lower jaw fell to tap against his throat, leaving either side of the actual lower jaw to hang in the air. Experimentally, he opened and closed his mouth, and watched all three parts swing and clink like a robot body horror wind-chime.
This was going to need a finer touch, and so he stripped off his gloves to access the sharp points of his talons - capped while with the league to keep the prick of steel rending claws to a mere suggestion.
He felt bared, now, all his top layer removed and abandoned, the door to his room at his back. He feels the paranoia to double check the lock, reassures himself that even if he'd somehow forgotten in his haste to hide away none of the members were mad enough to try and get in. Outside Superman, of course, but he always knocked.
Still, he hurried through repairs, running diagnostics in the back of his mind as he daubed glue into the cracks and set about restructuring his own jaw. Ears swivelled. Neck rolled. Glider snaps curled.
The jaw pieces were setting nicely when there was a noise at the door, and batman whipped around, cloak flaring behind him. The pliers dropped from suddenly weak fingers.
Captain marvel stood in the doorway, eyes wide as he took in the room, face pale as he saw Batman propped up in middle, bare of his many obfuscating layers. Black tar speckled his lap, wires hung free like veins, blank eyes glowed, his jaw gaping, skinless. Glinting claws and spikes in full view, a limb discarded on the floor like garbage. His chest a dark hole, void of organs, of machinery, of anything that could make him run. A decades old terror gripped his heart.
HE SAW!
Both froze. Time stretched interminably.
The captains chest heaved for a scream, and batman was moving before he knew it, grabbing his fallen leg and lunging.
Captain marvel fell with a crack. Batman caught himself on the door. Five seconds before short term memory entered long term, had he reacted in time?
Hm.
He considered the body of the champion of magic laid in front of him, idly rebalancing the eternal tally graph of potential energies the dolls might run on in the back of his head and as always coming up none the wiser. This was a very inconvenient place for a body. Perhaps he could nudge marvel into the hallway to wake up. He glanced up and down the empty corridor, staying out of view of the camera.
Maybe he had overreacted slightly.
Bonus:
Billy and Green Lantern sat in the monitor room, ostensibly on duty but really checking out the watchtower camera feeds of the day before. Lantern was pointing at the screen.
"Here," he said, with a glee Billy didn't honestly appreciate. "Look at that. You go down like a sack of bricks and then -" he clicked forward two frames, "- this silver hand thing appears on the door frame. Look at that, that's a proper horror movie hand curl. The claws! Just missing the glint of a blood covered axe appearing from the shadows."
Billy shuddered, but couldn't help moving closer.
"What do you think it was? Can't have been batman, right?"
"You were there, you tell me." Lantern patted him on the shoulder before he could retort. "I mean, doesn't look much like him. Doesn't really have claws and his are black anyway. Pretty sure his gloves are sewn into his skin at this point."
"I didn't need that mental image," Billy said, because he really didn't.
"Could be another Robin variant? Like that black bat thing?"
"Dunno. I mean, unlikely. Maybe it was batman. Maybe he can shapeshift a little."
"We've had that on the list of possible powers for ages, still nothing firm one way or the other."
"It probably is batman -"
"But the claws -"
They trailed off.
"We'll just add it to the list. I'll save the file, hang on. We can talk about it at the do next week - you're coming right?"
"Yeah, but I've got, uh... A diplomacy thing with the yetis at nine, so I'll have to bail then."
"You always have the weirdest personal missions. Hey, maybe you can ask them about batman, pffft. Maybe he's one of them."
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jazzandpizazz · 1 year ago
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fantasy-costco · 5 months ago
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As soon as I tell people I study history they always want to drop their history opinions on me. As soon as I tell people I study Christianity but I'm not personally religious OH BOY do they want to tell me their religion opinions. Usually these are much more interesting than their history opinions. Yesterday we were touring a potential wedding venue and the event coordinator told us his entire religious background (he was a preacher before going into public history) (the venue was a museum) and then ranted for a solid ten minutes about grace and works and also people who use religion to gain power and misinterpret and mistranslate the Bible to oppress people and every beef he had with the history of the church. Right there in the reception space. 10/10 interaction
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mobgoblin · 7 months ago
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As someone who has steadily kept up on almost all Watcher shows and side projects, this backlash really does come down to how out of touch the guys have become, even before making Friday’s announcement.
Ryan and Shane (certainly the biggest draw to the channel) got their start with lower-brow, boyish humor and riffing off each other. Can’t forget the capitalism-critical and “power to the underdog” attitude that resonated with so many fans early on either. Now though, if you watch/listen to Pod Watcher, it’s hard to overlook just how unrelatable they’ve become in recent years. Which is whatever—it’s not like we only consume media in order to intimately relate to hosts/characters—but it does mean they’ve lost something integral from the charm that netted them their initial success.
To add. If you watched their latest season of Too Many Spirits, they weren’t even funny, just trashed and off-putting, lol. Frat-style drinking by a backyard pool and Ryan overhand throwing bones at a neighbor’s dog for barking.
Maybe not as bad for Shane, but the egos have really grown uncomfortably outsized. And at some point I got tired of watching videos based around lavish over-indulgence. Even if Steven’s videos cost less to produce than Ghost Files (I assume), they clearly rub viewers the wrong way on principle alone.
All in all, and not to minimize their hard work in getting out the content that they do, I think the Watcher guys should’ve been much more careful in considering this move and its rollout.
For years, I’ve maintained a Patreon subscription to a separate and unrelated funny-guy trio (for the same monthly price Watcher Streaming is now asking). However. The group I subscribe to is more than situationally-funny-sometimes, and always come across as grounded, emotionally intelligent, and likable people. Which makes me want to see them succeed and help how I can (though I would still be able to access 95% of their content even without subscribing).
So yeah, idk. Steven Lim driving a Tesla and wanting a second one or whatever is kind of just the tip of the iceberg.
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lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks · 6 months ago
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reasons not to leave food for the neighbourhood feral cats right in front of your downstairs neighbour's front door:
they will start to assume any food delivery left on the doorstep is for them and will chew it out of the bag and drag it across the yard if you don't get it in time (a considerable problem when your food delivery people are allergic to knocking on your door when they drop it off)
(to be clear, I am the downstairs neighbour, I do not feed the cats)
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