#it wasnt HIS OWN brain that was physically being ripped in half but still fucking OW

[xxplastic-cubexx]

charles better than me cause if i had to feel a coin tear through my brain AND get shot and paralyzed all within the same half hour AT BEST i would be so petty about it to erik until i died

[theworldsoul]

Okay so basically... lets talk.

I should've seen this coming. I should've known that after such a long period of happiness, something would give.

I went to pick up my glasses from the dinner table today, because that's where I left them. When I put them on... they wouldnt stay on. I checked and they were missing the two plastic parts that hold the glasses up and still on my nose.

I check the table for them, and I dont find them. Then I ask, like hey, did any of yall touch my glasses? Both the plastic things are missing. My dad IMMEDIATELY assumes that I took them off ON PURPOSE. For some reason. And I tell him no, i didnt touch them, all I remember is picking them up from the table and seeing the plastic bits missing.

Then I spend like an hour telling them no, I didnt break my own glasses, I FOUND them that way. And my dad is like mocking me, going "u always say 'I didnt do it!!!' Like you never do anything huh? I guess you're just perfect." And I'm like... BUT I ACTUALY DIDNT DO IT!!!!???!? and hes like "you never take responsibility for anything, blah blah, you're so fucking stupid, you act like a four year old, stop fucking crying, how dare you ask us if we know what happened, why are you trying to blame us, you obviously did it on purpose and now you're acting all surprised.." and I'm just sitting there. Taking it. Thinking to myself... wow. They automatically assumed the worst in me. And THIS SORT OF THING HAPPENS OFTEN!!! I get blamed for shit I didnt do all the fuckign time.

So I'm just. Crying. Because theres a certain amount of verbal abuse i can take and it's not very much. I'm being interrogated. And its distressing, because I cant PROVE that I didnt do it on.purpose, because i GENUINELY DONT REMEBER WHAT HAPPENED!!! so they just get to assume that i broke my own glasses.

Why would my dad jump to that conclusion so quickly? Simple answer: he literally hates me. He holds back, I know, but hes done this before and he'll do it again, hes shown and said what he REALLY THINKS and he'll say it again and do it again and again and again because his mask is slipping. I dont know what I did to make him hate me but he does. That's just how it is. I can't change that. Man, my parents behave like children.

Anwyays so I'm just very upset, in distress, crying really hard, trying not to say too much so I dont make them angrier but also always telling the truth, which is that I DIDN'T DO IT AND I DONT REMEBER ANYTHING HAPPENEING TO THE GLASSES!!

He asks me, who did it then? I say I dont know but it wasnt me. He said who then, if not you. I said I dont know. He didnt believe me!!!

I hate when I tell the truth and people dont believe it. Like... this is the truth. I have nothing more to offer you. Take what little I give, cos it's my fucking blood.

Anyways in the meantime my mom is checking, looking for the plastic bits. She finds them in my coat pocket.

I am proven innocent. At what cost? Well, now I'm shaking, curled up into a ball, crying, and in actual pain. My brain cant handle so much pain so it transfers it to physical pain. So there I am. A fucking kid. Who's been punished for somehting he didn't do. And theres the proof.

My dad fixed the glasses. Left me there on the couch, still trembling. Gave them to me in a case. Said I gotta be careful. I said thank you. Because, even if I'm upset, I gotta make sure other people dont get upset. He said sorry, but he said it in this huffy way that made it sound reluctant. Then he was like, I said sorry so stop crying.

He wanted a kiss on the cheek and I was gonna give him one because I dont want to seem like a dickhead, he DID apologize... and if you dont accept my dads apologies and move on and pretend that the word "sorry" fixes everything, he gets even more angry and i REALLY dont want to deal with him guilt ripping me over it. So I lean in for a little kiss and... I cant. I cant do it. My face crinkles up all ugly and I start crying hysterically every time I get close. I try a few times but I'm overwhelmed with a feeling of like... oh god. I felt so hurt. Like a scared little rabbit. Oh shit, I was fucking scared. I couldnt do it. It made me feel disgusted.

I said, later I'll do it.

I dont know why he thinks he can hurt me so bad and make me cry, then give some shitty apology and expect me to change my mood entirely and go back to being all happy. That's not how it works. If you hurt someone, they stay hurt. Your shitty little word, "sorry", doesnt make me feel any better and doesnt fix any of the damage.... but I have to pretend like it does because if I dont you get mad, and you say I'm mean for not accepting the apology,,,

Later on, he did come for a kiss again. I was in my room, pretending to be busy so he would ignore me but he didnt. This time, I didnt kiss him but I allowed him to kiss me. I just... I couldnt kiss him. I was holding back tears, and i knew if i tried to kiss him i would start crying all over again and make him upset or angry. So I just sorta... let him kiss me on my forehead. Then I went to the bathroom fast as I could, acting like I had to brush my teeth.

I locked the door, sank to my knees, and cried. Hard.

I just wish that I had a dad who loved me, or who knew how to love me... or who I knew loved me, a dad who knew what he was doing, so I didnt have to debate if he loved me or not in my head.

God. I feel so small. Like I literally feel like a little kid right now. Fucking hell. Looks like tonight I'll be indulging in my delusions, playing pretend.

It's sad that my parents fuck me up, but its sadder that afterwards I dont have anyone to comfort me and help heal me.... only myself and whoever I bring to life in my imagination.

Sometimes when I get overly upset, when I'm pushed to the edge like this, I begin to feel... a lot younger? Like shockingly younger. I'm not even the same dude anymore, I'm a fucking five year old all of a sudden. Which makes the situation even more scary and painful.

Just imagine like, a hurt scared little kid with no one to help him. He's tryna pick himself off the ground and hes telling himself "shhhhh... it'll be okay" that's me. That's literally me and it makes me feel so fucking BAD but its true.

I've been breaking down. Earlier in the day I had trouble on a quiz because I didn't know the definition of a word in a poem and I couldnt answer the question (does character A like character B?) And when I asked they said they couldnt tell me which was bullshit but whatever. Uhm so I got upset. Like, scarily upset. I gave up, wrote that i didnt want to do the question on the paper, guessed at half the answers, crumpled it up and threw it to the ground. Then I just... spaced out for the rest of class because I was STILL upset and fuck them.

At one point I left to go cry in the bathroom, but when i went in there, all the stalls were taken and there was a huge group of guys in there, like maybe ten people in there total, so I ran back out and was like fuck now what. Now I wait. I waited and nobody came out. I double checked and they were sitll there and I ran out again. I dashed to another bathroom down the hall hoping it was empty. I was blasting metal in my ears to try and drown out the FEELINGS, I hate feeling things. Got into a stall, slammed the door, started CRYING, sobbing, talking to myself, all of this with metal music blaring out of my headphones. I composed myself. When I went out of the stall I checked my eyeliner and it was... well, you could TELL I cried. I didnt bother with it tho, i just ran out of there.

Ugh and when I got back I kept doing the stim that usually evolves into literally hitting myself, so that was. Bad. At least this time I refrained from beating the shit outta my own left arm.

God.. I hope everyone who hurts me, everyone who ever fucking hurt me, feels GUILTY as all hell. I hope whatever being made me FEEL all these emotions so hard so strong so fast, ROTS. because nobody deserves to feel so intensely upset that they resort to the worst ways of coping. No one.

I'm just glad I didnt relapse. That's a positive.

[clownmoontoon]

While I'm not the same anon you responded to earlier, I'd like to point you to Momo's hero internship as a reference to Horikoshi's poor treatment of her: the whole thing is a 'fuck you' to her character, and the fact that every female character's arcs are so short and that they're never talked about again is a big red flag, especially compared to the male bnha characters. And does Momo's hero costume really have to be like That?

AW MAN I TOTALLY DISAGREE ABOUT ALL THIS

ESPECIALLY THE INTERNSHIP!!!!((but i appreciate you not approaching the subject in the same manner as the other anon haha))

uraraka and tsuyu (both girls!!) got AMAZING internships that we see a lot of!! both learned a lot bc of them, and we see exactly what we need to see that will be applied later. if you complain about the girls being cut short you have to admit that the boys were too! i dont even remember what tokoyami or tail boy were doing bc theyre secondary and tertiary characters! its not sexist to put the main character of a story in the lime light!!

ofc the intern arc is gonna focus more on deku!

now specifically speaking of momo’s internship

I CANT EVEN CONTAIN HOW MUCH I DISAGREE ABOUT IT BEING A “RED FLAG”/ “CUT SHORT”/ OR A “FUCK YOU” ITS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTER BUILDING ARCS FOR HER AND IF IT MADE YOU FEEL BAD TO SEE HER LIKE THAT THEN

GOOD

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FEEL SORRY FOR HER

her internship SUCKED obviously but it sucked for a reason when she was in the tournament she never got to showcase her powers, so when this pro hero picked her it wasnt based on how well she could fight as a hero, but on how cute she looked

SHE EVEN SAYS IT TO MOMO’S FACE AND IT CRUSHES HER

she was so excited to even be picked at all but then it turns out its not for her brains or powers, its for her looks

this is what avalanches momo’s overthinking and over-analyzing personality to the breaking point. even when the red head (who’s name i cant remember atm) tells her smth to the effect of “wow this sucks but lets at least have fun” momo cant

she cant let loosethe whole time she feels like there is something she should be doing, and worrying that maybe this is all she is good for; being pretty

AND ITS ESPECIALLY CRUSHING BC SHE TOOK ON THIS INTERNSHIP IN HOPES OF LEARNING HOW TO BETTER HERSELF IN COMBAT

AND EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE HAPPENED

BC OF SHIT LUCK

WHICH IS LIFE SOME TIMES, REAL LIFE SUCKS SOME TIMES EVEN WHEN YOURE A PRETTY GIRL

so after failing in the tournament and suffering through a worthless internship, the girl who started at the top, entering the school under recommendation so she didnt even have to take the entrance exams, suddenly feels absolutely worthless 

its bc of this that aizawa is so determined to fight her and todoroki in their next test

with their quirks taken away what they need is strategy

not power

in this moment, after encouragement from her friend, she suddenly realizes

WAIT HOLD UP IM A BADASS BITCH AND I CAN DO THIS

she’s wobbly at first but in the end they win thanks to her cunning.

AND HERE’S THE FUCKING THING ABOUT HER OUTFIT AND HER BODY BC I KNOW EVERYONE LOVES TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS((under the cut bc this post is already long haha))

momo, as she is written, is completely unaware of how sexy her body looks.

when jiro brings up like HOLY SHIT HEY YOUR CLOTHES TORE OFF

does momo get flustered and cover up immediately like most girls would?

no.

there’s a fucking job to do so she cheerfully responds “no worries i can make more clothes”

as if the biggest issue here is that her clothes ripped, not that she isnt wearing any. thats how unaware she is of anything physical about her.

something that i think a lot of people, and girls especially, dont realize is that when girls are naturally athletic/born with “good” bodies they end up not thinking about their body very much, if at all

theyre insecure about other things haha

i think a big part of why i respect horikoshi for momo’s design is that he made it canon that the students design their own outfits

momo, a 15 year old girl, designed this outfit for herself

bc, in her overly analytical mind,  it was the best design to serve the function needed. IT NEVER EVEN OCCURRED TO HER THAT HER TIDDIES ARE JUST KINDA OUT THERE

bc a lot of young girls who get more “mature” bodies dont even realize its happening and dont think about it til much later

I WOULDNT BE SURPRISED IF BY THE TIME MOMO TURNS 18 SHE’S LIKE HOLY FUCK MY OUTFIT WAS REVEALING

and you can spin this to mean “oh no horikoshi wants a 15 year old girl to be half naked bc he’s a perv” but personally i think its super neat that he took this innocent girl who has a VERY COMMON BODY TYPE among teenage girls, ((that is rarely ever showcased in anything i might add)), and doesnt even think about anything beyond her mental and physical capabilities, and never ever even mentions her looks, and made her into this amazing character full of depth!!!!

HER CHARACTER MAKES SENSE FOR HER AGE AND BODY!!!!!

THAT IS HOW A GIRL THAT YOUNG, WHO MATURED PHYSICALLY BEFORE MENTALLY WOULD ACT

THAT IS MOMO’S WHOLE CHARACTER; SOMEONE WHO LOOKS AND ACTS MATURE BUT IS ACTUALLY STILL A CHILD TRYING THEIR BEST

WHICH IS WHAT AIZAWA WAS SAYING FROM THE START OF THEIR FIGHT, AND WHY HE WORKS SO HARD TO HELP HER GET HER CONFIDENCE BACK

AND IM GETTING ALL THIS FROM A FUCKING TERTIARY FEMALE CHARACTER!!!! THATS HOW MUCH HORIKOSHI CARES ABOUT ALL THE CHARACTERS IN HIS STORY

MALE AND FEMALE!!!!!!

i wouldnt be surprised if mineta was a joke character made out of spite just to make fun of everyone who tried to call his in depth characters pervy

i mean all might was designed out of spite so its possible haha