#this was my second time being tested for autism by the way.

[bowsersex]

Official Autism Post

[honey-skulls]

HUGE VENT

I'm sorry but i need to get this out, just please don't worry too much or take anything personally/gen

My routine these last two weeeks has been:

-Wake up at my 10 am alarm and spend the whole day in bed, mentally and physically exhausted, brain fog and no motivation for anything, only getting up to eat, having to wait for the "food time" hours to roll around that my therapist gave me because I'm not allowed to eat outside of those hours and if I'm hungry but missed the last food time then too bad, struggling to stay awake because again I'm not allowed to sleep out of the "sleep hours" she gave me and that includes naps, excitedly waiting for 21h30/22h to roll around so i can finally sleep

-Spend the evening mentally screaming in my mind because, while my body is still just as physically exhausted, my mind is suddenly sharp and full of ideas and motivation, but i'm still too tired to get up and draw

-Then spend midnight and onward rolling around in bed, hot and bored out of my mind because my physical tiredness also vanished, but i'm not allowed to get up and draw because it's "sleep hours" and i need to reschedule my body, and end up falling asleep at around 5 am

I'm totally not slowly loosing my mind 😃👍

Edit: Oh also the constant noise in my ears has gotten worse, i don't know what silence is anymore

Silence is actually worse than loud rooms

It's driving me insane

It's so loud

[rogueddie]

Disabled Steve / Eddie Fics

Important: READ THE TAGS! Also, leave a comment and kudos! These fics are amazing and I love them and I hope y'all do too 🦻

give me a sign

findmeinthewychelm

It was sweet torture the way Steve was pining over him. Robin was sick of listening to him talk about Eddie, but she also hadn’t stopped him yet.

Words : 4,235 Chapters : 1/1 Rating : General Audiences

AO3 : x

what would you trade the pain for (i'm not sure)

Library_of_Gage

Steve doesn't bother anyone with his chronic pain; it's something he'd rather keep to himself. And then it spikes in the Upside Down, in front of Eddie Munson, and Steve slowly starts to learn that, sometimes, sharing what hurts does help.

Words : 8,230 Chapters : 1/1 Rating : Teen and Up Audiences

AO3 : x

Our Love is Shown in the Letting Go

Xxbottlecapxx

Steve’s mother comes home and has to deal with the fact that she has no idea who her son is, and maybe never will.

Words : 10,189 Chapters : 1/1 Rating : Not Rated

AO3 : x

Who Am I to Say What Any of This Means?

IndigoFudge

Eddie’s eyebrows are raised. He’s speaking deliberately. “My first grade teacher set up a meeting with Wayne and told him she thought I had autism. So Wayne took me to the doctors and it turned out she was right.”

He is still looking at Steve. Oh. Steve’s been staring at him like an idiot for forty seconds instead of acknowledging this important, incredibly personal detail that he has just shared. Steve remembers eye contact––one, two, three––then answers. “That’s cool.”

“Steve,” Eddie says, carefully. “Have you ever been tested? Because I’ve been noticing… When I look at you, I kinda see some signs.”

Words : 7,371 Chapters : 1/1 Rating : Teen and Up Audiences

AO3 : x

she'll know me crazy, soothe me daily (better yet, she wouldn't care)

jewishrat420

Eddie doesn’t really cry about this anymore. He’s long since shed his own personal tears of pity, spent enough time mourning a different life. He’s accepted it, for the most part, doesn’t really give a shit about being normal or whatever. No one’s normal.

But this…Eddie’s not used to this. He’s never had someone hold his face in their hands, look him dead in the eyes and say, “Eddie Munson. For better or for worse, and fuck, I know this is worse, I want to know you.”

Words : 3,988 Chapters : 1/1 Rating : Teen and Up Audiences

AO3 : x

the beginning of a bad joke

alligator_writes

At the beginning of his rant, lecture, whatever, Hottie stares right at him. He has a really intense stare. Pretty brown eyes set in a prettier face with even prettier hair on top of his head. Eddie gets distracted by all that pretty and by trying to make his point.

And he doesn’t notice until halfway through that Hottie isn’t looking at him anymore. He’s looking at his friend.

Eddie looks at her, too. Looks at her confused and focused expression. Looks at her hands moving rapidly.

Oh. G-d.

Hottie’s deaf, isn’t he?

Words : 7,083 Chapters : 1/1 Rating : Teen and Up Audiences

AO3 : x

I Took The Good Times, I’ll Take The Bad Times (I Take You Just The Way You Are)

steddieeddie

In 1984, Eddie Munson told Steve he was going to marry him one day laying in the quiet confines of Steve’s room.

In 1985, they broke up. It wasn’t because they wanted to, but because Steve thought they had to. They spent almost an entire year apart, hurting, wondering about what could have been.

In 1986, Steve Harrington was almost fatally injured in the final attack against The Upside Down, against Vecna. He spent seventy six days comatose, and then almost an entire year in the hospital learning how to be a person again. He learns how to open and close his hands, hold things, and how to feed himself again. Steve learns how to stand, how to walk, going from walker to cane by the time he is allowed to go home.

In 1987, he did just that. He goes home.

It was a slow process. Way slower than Steve wanted it to be, but it was worth it.

Sure, his hands were never going to work the same, there was constant pain in his arms and left leg, and he would never walk without a cane, but at least he’s alive.

He made it.

That was what mattered.

Words : 30,101 Chapters : 1/1 Rating : Mature

AO3 : x

[creature-wizard]

ngl as an abuse survivor the whole “micro trauma” thing makes me roll my eyes back into my head like that’s life babe sometimes we have a negative experience it’s not trauma 💀💀💀 i really feel like so many folks live soft lives that any negative feeling becomes “traumatic” and something to avoid. i don’t think it’s good to conflate times your ego was tested or times that didn’t go exactly your way with genuine trauma. you’re more resilient than that. (obviously this isn’t about day to day trauma living as a bipoc in a racist white society etc but i don’t think you were talking about that either)

Welp, there's a lot to unpack here.

First of all, I'm an abuse survivor with my own share of trauma. I was raised in a form of conservative apocalyptic Christianity where beatings were considered an acceptable form of punishment. Because my parents believed that parental authority was never wrong, and anything a child did or even felt that seemed to challenge that authority (whether intentional or not), I was constantly told that I was wrong for having my own feelings, punished for having my own feelings if I dared to to express them. In addition to this, my family thought I needed to be very aware that the Mark of the Beast was coming and I needed to emotionally prepare myself for beheading once the Antichrist took over and started killing anyone who refused the Mark of the Beast.

In addition to this, I was subject to all of the day-to-day trauma that comes from growing up with ADHD and autism in an ableist society, as well as the trauma that comes from growing up with ADHD and autism in an environment where people think children must be obedient at all times. (My parents believed spanking and slapping was fine, by the way. So, that happened often enough. And when it wasn't spanking or slapping, it was my mother screaming and yelling.)

Now with all of this context established, I'm going to tell you: You don't get to decide who does and doesn't get to have trauma. Trauma doesn't work according to some abstract notion of what should and shouldn't constitute "trauma." People can, in fact, be genuinely traumatized over things that seem totally ridiculous to you.

Also? You don't know what other people are living through. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. You don't know how people are being traumatized by economic circumstances, by bullshit at the workplace, by knowing that Christofascists want to subjugate them or kill them. You don't know how many people are being slowly traumatized by partners who invalidate and mock them in countless tiny ways every day. You don't know how many people are being traumatized by thinking they should be able to meet certain expectations that they don't realize are based in ableist standards or impossible capitalist ideals.

You've also evidently never had a conversation with someone who can't figure out how they're such a mess because they "don't have a reason to be traumatized," but the more you talk to them the more it comes out that they lived a profoundly messed up life, and were profoundly mistreated in a thousand ways that they didn't even recognize as mistreatment at the time. (No, it's not normal for your mother to call you ableist slurs if you can't tend to her every whim in five seconds.)

You also say "obviously this isn’t about day to day trauma living as a bipoc in a racist white society etc but i don’t think you were talking about that either." And you know what? You wanna know what? I absolutely was, because my post was meant to be inclusive of all forms of microtrauma.

Anyway, I hope you can recognize that suffering and trauma aren't a contest, and trying to decide who does and doesn't "deserve" to have trauma based on your own personal abstract ideals and limited comprehension of their lives doesn't help anyone.

[rudeflower]

JESS ANGST SCHOOL ANGST COMPLEX TRAUMA ANGST

In Keg Max! Principal Merton tells Jess he has missed 31 days of school. Now that makes him a chronic truant for sure, it means he's missed more than 10% of the school year, the standard school year is 180 days. Let's say there's 10 days left in the school year.

That's a LOT of school to miss. Young people improbably here, do not miss that much school

But relative to what we're being told about Jess, it's a weirdly low number? Jess never goes to school!!!! He's working 10000 hours at Walmart instead of going to school no school never heard of him!

That means that Jess attended school 139 days. Most schools I've worked with define that as a certain number of hours attended, more than half the day. So even if he was skipping that's 139 days he went to more than half the day NOT GOOD AT ALL BUT

Even after he was eighteen (early in the school year) he still laced up his boots and showed up somewhere he hated at saw no point in going to WHY!!????

First of all this is actually a ridiculously overcommitted young person let's at least acknowledge that.

He works before school at Luke's, and he works in the evenings too, closing up at 11:30 in one episode. Not just filling coffee mugs anymore. By season 3 he's closing alone, keeping tabs on the delivery schedule and capable of (furiously) running the morning rush alone.

AND he's working 45 hours a week at Walmart doing physical work, AND (poorly) maintaining a romantic relationship, AND reading obsessively, AND YES GOING TO SCHOOL! Jess starts working at Walmart in November (if you treat the air date as the canon date with the show roughly does), combined with Luke's it's probably 60-65 hours a week and still went to school 139 days!

He's making ridiculous choices because he is a tiny little fool but also has a trauma soaked brain

Jess chooses to be maxed out every minute of his life because he cannot tolerate being unoccupied, like a lot of people with complex trauma (and ADHD and Autism and more all of which could apply to Jess but rn I am talking about complex trauma)

When someone is used to chaos in their environment they actually feel less safe when things are quiet and still. It leads to someone who needs to have their RAM at 100% every waking AND sleeping moment

So they work 65+ hours, go to school most days, and they

cannot relax without extreme stimulation AKA needing the music on to sleep

Walk while reading because walking and looking ahead isn't enough is not occupied enough need more occupied

and starts reading the second he's stops talking to someone or using his hands to do something else. Reading as default in any given second.

He reads compulsively, no matter how chaotic the environment.

Reading ALSO isn't enough must be annotating and analyzing too passive reading is NOT ENOUGH

So Jess would rather show up at school for 139 days where other people are moving around, where there are fights to get into and classes to move to and from, even after he's an adult and Luke wouldn't find out that he isn't showing up. He'll show up to a test just to be in the classroom, not to take it.

This is not mentioning what I'm too lazy to screencap, that he's always doing something. that especially when he's talking to Luke Jess is constantly and doing things with his hands constantly.

There's really only one time we see Jess sitting still doing almost nothing

But not really nothing because smoking really is something.

My dude needs to be as occupied as possible from the time he wakes up all the way up to and including when he falls asleep to stay occupied and all that he's got on hand is going to a school that says the pledge of allegiance in six different languages then he will go! It's 100%%% occupation or the horror of possibly relaxing and WHAT WOULD HAPPEN THEN

[dark-fuckprincess]

Long Post Abt World Eaters

Working on some World Eaters now. This guy is ready for oils and enamels. I did the armour by stippling with an old brush I have cut specifically for stippling. I did a grey primer and then stippled Celestra Grey, Celestra Grey/white, and then white in limited areas. Then I glazed some blue in the shadows to make the white more vibrant and strictly on the cool spectrum (more colour information is usually more interesting). Difficulty with this method is making sure moisture of brush is removed after thinned paint is applied to brush.

This recipe only took maybe 30 or so minutes to do a majority of the work. Usually my airbrush hits the executive dysfunction part of my brain and makes actually completing a miniature difficult. Taking it from airbrush station back to painting station back to airbrush for varnish back to painting station for oils. Well I've been using oils without varnishes and fine so far.

If I were to do a warm white I'd do less steps on the basecoat and really more on Burnt Umber oil wash. I wonder if I can do something similar with Paynes Grey. Could be an experiment.

This is the same mix but done with drybrushing. It's alright. Not sure which I like better. This one looks more like typical drybrushed crap texture so maybe I'll try tapping the actual brush on a damp sponge.

This is what it looks like as a wip, that horrible texture is less apparent. Still gave trim and blue glazing to do.

Both these look better than my older stippled WE imo

The one on the left is stippled. There is a big contrast in the shadows to the light areas. Just a diffe4ent look that I don't prefer. The one on the right is done with the airbrush.

Looking back a lot of those World Eaters I did don't spark too much joy. Maybe it's just the place in my life I was in at the time. Just bad feelings about them. Learned a lot about painting white though. And hey that Cataphractii on the right above is quite good imo and one of the only Cataphractii I've done that looks good. Those models are not fun to paint for me. They give me the ick. Don't like their shapes. Not friendly to my autism.

As a throwback here is my test model for my World Eaters, the first one I did ever as well as the first model where white was the main colour. The second model I did was greatly improved and was a gift for the girl I just started dating at the time and ofc us being still together I credit to my amazing skill in painting.

This of course in an amazing way fits the grimdark styling of 30k and I quite like it overall. I used a burnt umber/lamp black oil wash and learned the lesson of just how much an oil wash can darken a colour of a piece and progressively over many minis learned to push the white highlights higher and higher to fit my preferences. The Chainsaw is orange because of Chainsaw Man.

I think I'll start posting more of my old minis and projects and such. I have many pictures saved up.

I've been in a good groove with my hobby lately. Time away from painting has given me space away from my habits and a new perspective, learning to detach from old ways and learn new ones.

[melodich4n]

When It comes to me as a human I really am a weird case. My humor or my personality overall is as literal as you see here online for my everyday life. There's nothing for me to hide about who or how I express myself but when it comes to interests. By that means.

I'm on the spectrum. I have ADHD and ODD too.

I don't often click with characters. For those I do, I LOVE them. Be it I haven't posted them here out of preference I just really like to stick with One Piece for content making or original characters (can change). Yet when it comes to me being obsessed or clicking with a series. Especially with a character that becomes either a comfort or a special interest of mine. It happened to be Caesar Clown.

In my entire life from all things possible for me to enjoy. Caesar makes me most interested. Be it, I find myself already into topics such as science or medical care that cause me to naturally enjoy a character like Caesar for his role he has as a scientist. Being I can remember the time as young as 8 I wanted to be a virologist and help work in a lab on viruses. I even tried considering to research a cure for cancer. Be it since then the career changed on wanting to be in something art related as I ALWAYS loved art too. My second option and third was to take the job as a therapist or surgeon. Even a mortician as an option as death or the human body is something I've come to find fascinating and I'm not saying this to be a shock content person. I just really am intrigued by concepts like mortality/birth/death. Anything within those segments I'm a huge fan of. Remember being fascinated and still am a fan of COD zombies. The only thing that stopped me considering the medical field in any way was because I didn't want to spend that much money and time to get a job I might end up realizing I just enjoyed it as a hobby to research instead.

Yet the topic of anything relating to science and medical stuff makes me adore characters like Caesar anytime. Yet what specifically lured me more for him than other doctor or scientist characters was his sadistic nature and his *personality* in extension within Punk Hazard and even in WCI. I'm a fan of the topic of sadism, I'm not sadistic myself. I enjoy the fictitious aspect of how far you can push violence though. In themes or just because. As I was for some reason the kind of kid who watched 5+ hours of Happy tree friends and Fluffy pony content or make my 1037727 read of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac after I got home from a math test that pissed me off half crying still and then laughing about it because fictional violence is and will always still be funny to me.

I see fiction as fiction and a way to study things from a view of my own as someone with autism to pick apart on. I don't know why but the fact I just enjoy picking apart characters and themes, stories. Even music. I found myself adore him.

Caesar Clown though, I can see why others don't like him as much. There are many reasons why I can understand. Though for those that dislike him and choose to dislike me also from that, I don't care about those people.

Caesar's genuine intelligence is also something I enjoy looking at. Vegapunk is of course gonna always be smarter and more successful but Caesar has genuine feats of his own. He just goes into a clear route of selfishness that involves a lot of violence and he's not normal in the head. Far from it. Either because he grew into it or was born like it.

Which I enjoy the fan ideas people bring for him. I like people's own ways to take his character for their enjoyment.

I like taking him and either putting him into work that lets me express my mind and ideas for him. Or to put him through pain or anguish that always intrigued me again in the fictional lens.

My love for him likely comes from a sense of self relatability in his vindictiveness and behavior I used to have when younger myself (be it I'm far from it now and did not kill people just can grasp that sense of anger he has) that I also have respect also for his work. I want to see him do his experiments and partaken as a viewer of his work.

Also his own song, his theme? It makes me think of Earthbound and Earthbound is a massive comfort game for me. Specifically the Belch Factory for Caesar with the Belch's theme to his in the 2nd to 3rd stage of his theme. So that's just another random thing to throw. It's out of Character from the music of OP.

His design also feels like something I'd have made when I was younger, and when I feel or connect with a design I will cling and draw them pretty much anytime I think of them.

I think there are so many opportunities with a character like Caesar .

He has also broken Devil Fruit Abilities. I tried genuinely hard to see what his Gas Gas fruit was in terms of Elements on the periodic table. There was no direct one I could match with. I tried. Genuinely. I'm no chemistry nerd but my understanding of how certain elements have ways they react to exposed climates and other elements is what I researched into.

Also the fact he used himself to make experiments. It's fucking metal. Sick shit. I've written that into my own works myself before I got into One Piece as someone who wrote religious sci-fi horror. Where you use your flesh, or your body... Imagine being a part of your stuff? For your gain. To hurt others like some bad guy would do like Caesar.

To contort yourself easily...

It's very cool.

I think that's what I have my thoughts on so far I got for the man. I don't know what else to do or say. I'd love to converse with others here as long as it's civil and respectful about my thoughts or questions, and any form of discussion we can have. Though I do not support those who pick on others just because they "understand or don't understand" Caesar as well as others can or don't. He's fictional. Let's not be crazy.

That is all for me.

- Sally/Melodi

[cloudycleric]

hi Ollie! just wanna start by saying I love your channel. your favorite video of mine is the one where you were talking about how you think Will Byers has autism.

you said that you have autism but you were misdiagnosed first and that you thought you couldn't have autism because you had already been told that you don't have it. I was wondering what made you get diagnosed when you'd already been told that you don't have it.

I went to get diagnosed a few months ago but was told that I don't have it. I'm only asking because I genuinely think that I have autism and that it was a misdiagnosis. any advice? also you dont have to answer if its like too personal or something. sorry if its confusing and doesn't make a lot of sense.

also here's a picture of byler kissing to hopefully make your day better! <3

hi hello !!!

thank you for the picture i lobe it!

as for why i decided to retest for autism—

it kinda just… worked out. the more that i thought about it after my first testing came back negative, the more that i realized that i was in fact autistic, & some of the things in document that said i wasn’t autistic were objectively untrue & my mom noticed, too.

that was not fault to the tester, she was lovely, it’s just that a lot of testers only really know how to diagnose traditional autism in amab people. with being afab, or even trans, autism can present itself differently. i know there’s haha jokes about girl & boy autism but, there is some objective truth there. it also doesn’t help testers who have a more deep understanding of the ‘traditional’ autism that people who are afab or trans or whatever have a way better time hiding or masking their autism. i’d say, when deciding to retest, really examine whether or not you feel your are masking.

anywho, back to the story—

my therapist’s office has a child psychologist who specialized in therapy for lgbtq+ youth & occasionally did screenings for things like adhd, autism, among other disorders & neurodivergent stuffs. she was amazing, she was able to work directly with my therapist on parts of the tests & for professional input, as well as used a more friendly test based on experience as a person, not as whether or not you check boxes or act a certain way during certain testing sessions.

the tests it took were the Behavior Rating Inventory of Executive Functioning, Second Edition (BRIEF-2), Self-and Parent-Reports & Monteiro Interview Guidelines for Diagnosing the Autism Spectrum, Second Edition (MIGDAS-2), which the psychologist described as much more “affirming” & “validating”. by the end of the session she told me, “i usually don’t immediately say this to clients, but you are very obviously autistic.”

getting that diagnosis was really good because it made people FINALLY start believing me when i said i was autistic. i’ve also noticed that it’s easier for me to de-mask now because i feel like the people around me now know why i act the way i do.

anywho, that’s my story! like i said, i would just really investigate whether or not you felt like the tester had an inaccurate view of you & if you were masking/how much masking you do on a daily basis.

I HOPE THIS HELPS!!!

[salternateunreality2]

AGSZC ND AU: Overstimulation (not the fun kind)

Disclaimer: not an expert

AU setup: all the boys are neuro-spicy except Angeal, who has depression/anxiety. I HC that GZ are more ADHD-leaning and SC are more Autism (ASD)-leaning

From: the archives of my convos with @strayheartless

---------------------------

The Big Light (can go back to hell from whence it came)

It is EVIL sometimes, and Angeal learns that the hard way from all his boyfriends hating it at random times. He also learns the hard way that dimmer switches are OF THE DEVIL. They make such obnoxious electronic buzzing noises that even Chill-geal gets annoyed and changes it back an hour after installing one.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....(wait a second)...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

"HOW IS IT A NEW PITCH?!?!?! I CHANGED NOTHING?!?!?!"

---------------------------

People Entering One's Domain

If Cloud's in the barracks and the other troopers/thirds come back from going to drinks, he instantly hates everyone and everything because they are SO MUCH. So he cringes away and tries to preserve his sanity, which his squad mates misinterpret as rejection and being stuck up.

Boy no, it's because you smell of 50 different things, sound like a herd of elephants at a football match, messed up the air currents and temperature, and TURNED ON THE BIG LIGHT.

-------------------------------

Coming Home

At the end of the day, sometimes The Guys (tm) barely make it to Angeal's apartment before angrily grunting and violently shedding itchy/uncomfortable uniform pieces until they're left panting and half-naked in the entryway.

Angeal only made the mistake a few times of trying to start something sexy, narrowly avoiding getting his fingers bitten off.

--------------------------

Mako dials the already heightened senses up to 11.

Cloud trashes a science room before Zack and Angeal are able to subdue him and carry him out, his fingernails slicing into his head as his hands are clamped over his ears, face buried in Angeal's chest to block out the smells and light. He only gets a brief reprieve from sensory hell before they get home and he starts vomiting and getting sick from the mako, since it would bother him with or without ND.

While Cloud's Going Through It (tm), Angeal's getting Stressed (tm) and somehow Zack's ADHD superpower of being great in emergencies kicks in and he keeps the polycule sane, escorting Sephiroth out when the sounds of Cloud being sick get to be too much, helping Genesis channel his angry energy constructively, and being a shoulder for Angeal and Cloud to lean on.

Zack is actually the one that makes Lazard pay for noise-canceling headphones and sunglasses out of the SOLDIER budget. His advocacy is so effective that Lazard ends up making it standard that these things are available on request to anyone in SOLDIER.

Later, Cloud tries to apologize to Sephiroth and Lazard, and Lazard's about to say "This happens sometimes, the labs should have done a sensitivity test before giving you a full dose" when Sephiroth jumps in with, "No that was awesome, do it again next time, even if it's not as bad."

---------------------------------

Vacuum Cleaners (May they burn in the fiery pits of hell, just one circle above Hojo)

Vacuums smell bad, sound bad, look bad, probably taste bad, are unwieldy, and go BONK.

Angeal: *starts pulling out the vacuum*

Zack: WAIT WAIT WAIT YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!

Angeal: whyever not?

Zack: *grasping Angeal's shoulders* trust me. And put. Down. The machine. Before any of the-

Cloud: HISSSSS

Sephiroth: YOWL!

Genesis: *charging up a firaga as Cloud and Sephiroth scamper into the distance*

*12 hours later*

Lazard: Where are Sephiroth and Genesis?!?!? And that trooper always hanging around?!

Zack: SOMEone touched a vacuum.

Lazard: FFS, Hewley

Angeal: How was i supposed to know?!

Later, in Aerith's church, Aerith comes across Genesis prowling outside, glaring and only barely not hissing, while Sephiroth and Cloud are cuddling in a dark, quiet corner, clutching each other and nuzzling.

Aerith: Oh, honeys...was it the accursed machine? Did Zack do this to you?

Sephiroth, signing: -Angeal-

Aerith: aww, nooooo, and you had trusted him so much!

Cloud: *shivers*

I think Zack wouldn't mind vacuuming if he was in control, and Angeal likes having a clean house, but to the rest of them it's a literal devil. That's why they call it a dirt devil. E V I L.

If Zack's not in control, he feels like following it around and yelling back at it.

[cyndrastic]

ok so y’all seemed to like the first part of the Fairly Odd Parents AU so here’s more characters!!

Tolkien and Jimmy are AJ and Chester!! They’re Clyde’s best (and only) friends at school! As I was making this au I realized how oddly well Tolkien and Jimmy actually match AJ and Chester character wise, so not much has to be changed for them honestly. Meanwhile I needed a character to be Vicky so I figured “hey Clyde has a sister doesn’t he?” so boom there she is.

more in depth character descriptions under the cut for those who want them!

Tolkien is the smart rich kid who tries and generally fails to talk sense into Jimmy and Clyde, and is the only one of the three with any brain cells. Also probably the only neurotypical one of the three. He’s also the only one in school who will point out when stuff randomly changes, usually in benefit of Clyde. Like, he’s the one who always notices when Clyde suddenly has a new super expensive looking bike, or he’s suddenly the most popular guy in school for like 3 days before everything just goes back to how it was for no reason. Tolkien is the only one who notices and is concerned with this.

These changes are obviously Clyde making wishes, and it scares Tweek that Tolkien will eventually figure out that Clyde has fairy god parents. Tweek wants to wipe Tolkien’s memory every time he notices a spell, but Clyde and Craig stop him. Craig thinks it’s hilarious because in all his time being a godparent, no godkid’s friends have ever noticed anything wrong until Tolkien, so he’s automatically Craig’s second favorite human (second to Clyde).

He rewards Tolkien for this by letting him be the only human that can hold or play with him when he’s in his pet form (like how Cosmo and Wanda become goldfish, Craig is a guinea pig) without getting bit when the trio hangs out at Clyde’s house.

Jimmy, for the sake of this au, will not be as dirt poor as Chester is in the actual show cause idk what good that does for this au lol. Otherwise Jimmy is the wisecracking friend who has a good heart and pure intentions most of the time but covers it with crude humor and kinda offensive jokes. Also he sucks at reading a room (me coded) and can never tell when his comedic genius won’t be appreciated (the deleted scene of him making a joke about Clyde killing his mom to Clyde like the day after it happened lives in my head rent free it’s so funny) His hair is also wavy cause I said so and that’s just how I like to draw Jimmy, i do what i want.

Also, just like how Tolkien is Craig’s second favorite human, Jimmy is Tweek’s. Most of the time when Jimmy cracks a joke, even if it’s a supremely unfunny one, Tweek laughs at it. Tweek’s pet form is a parrot, so that means if he’s chilling as an animal he can still talk and laugh. Jimmy thinks it’s hilarious that Clyde’s bird finds him so funny and Jimmy will frequently go to Clyde’s house to write and test out new comedy routines for Tweek because he’s “such a terrific audience.” Craig kinda hates it but won’t object because Tweek genuinely enjoys it.

Clyde and Craig don’t understand how Tweek finds Jimmy genuinely funny all the time, but it’s literally only because Tweek has spent the majority of his life around Craig, who is incredibly blunt, sarcastic to a fault, and so unfunny it hurts. Craig is only ever funny by being overtly honest when he doesn’t need to be (autism moment), and couldn’t make a normal joke if his life depended on it (if i may remind anyone of the Craig clip: “i got a good one: why do girls wear makeup and perfume? because they’re ugly and they stink” this man would not know a joke if it punched him in the face)

Lizzie is Clyde’s older sister. Shes a good bit older than him, Clyde being around 15 years old and her being around 22. She’s a massive bitch and has always been mean to Clyde, but it got worse once their mom died and she blamed it on Clyde (Betsy died the same way in canon as in this au, so it is kinda Clyde’s fault but still, he was 8). Luckily with her being way older than Clyde, she lives at college, but he has to deal with her whenever she goes home and during her school’s breaks. She takes Vicky’s role in this au so even if she isn’t an evil babysitter, she acts similarly to Clyde as Vicky does to Timmy.

She’s one of the reasons Clyde even gets god parents: abusive older sister, dead mom who’s death was because of him, crazy teacher (Garrison is his own level of traumatizing just as he is in the canon of the show but i haven’t decided if i wanted him to be exactly like Crocker yet), and Roger (Clyde’s dad) is ok but he’s kinda neglectful cause he’s mourning his wife and has to work double to support his kids now that Betsy is dead.

[kanatashinkaifr]

going to talk abt obey me and how they are all extremely neurodivergent!!! gonna go through my thoughts on each characters who stands out to me in one way or another.

Lucifer- he has NPD. dont even try to argue with me about this. from the way he holds himself to an extremely high standard to how hes LITERALLY the avatar of pride, hes just a total narc and I love him dearly. I also consider him to be autistic. half bcuz he shows some signs half bcuz I'm autistic and love projecting onto characters. I think that the way he is so strict and finds being on time so important is extremely autistic of him. he follows a very specific routine, and if said routine is messed with, he is unapproachable for atleast the rest of the day. this is shown in likee late lesson 24 or early lesson 25 I forget. he also has issues with emotions. both showing and I think even identifying them. autistic man. ALSO ptsd. duh.

mammon: adhd. he has adhd. he doesnt have npd, HOWEVER, he totally shows symptoms. he acts like hes on top of the world but the second a minor inconvenience happens he is just. reduced to nothing. I also like the hc of him being dyslexic.

levi: AUTISM AUTISM AUTISM!!! yeah that ones obvious like extremely obvious. stg autism runs into the family or smth cuz it feels like mammon and asmo are the only allistics in that mf house. dont need to explain why Levi is autistic. its obvious. if you really need an explanation just ask. but I also think he has severe social anxiety. like to the point that he gets extremely sick at the thought of social interaction. over the years, and with lots of trial and error medication, he can sort of deal with it now. still freaks him out though.

Satan: I think he takes after his father. like. A LOT. he is so npd and so autistic. I think that he really prides himself on his smarts but like. if he were to fail/get an average mark on a test (especially if lucifer got a high mark) he would disintegrate out of pure self hatred. if lucifer is better than him in any academic topic, you can practically feel the envy and rage coming from him. lucifer understands how he feels, and always tries to help him with his npd issues, but that just upsets him tenfold. "you think that *I* need *YOUR* help??? disgusting!". he has such issues I love him so much. not much to comment on his autism. also quite obvious, especially in nightbringer.

Asmo- I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE THINK ASMO HAS NPD AND LIKE I GET THE IDEA BUT NO. HE HAS HPD AND I WILL FIGHT TOOTH AND NAIL OVER THAT HC.

beel: autism. binge eating disorder. ptsd.

belphie: autism. BPD!!!!! B!! P!!! D!!!!!!!! I will scream it from the roof tops THAT MAN HAD BPD IDC WHAT YOU SAY!! impulsivity (especially when angry), unstable relations (mostly hc), uncontrolled anger, chronic emptiness (hc), self destructiveness, fear of abandonment. you look into the DSM-5 and there is a picture of him there. I think that. he might have PTSD too.

diavolo: autism. I dont care what anyone says I think he is an autistic woman who was just forced into masking. c-ptsd due to mainly emotional neglect.

solomon: autism. no canon reason to support this I'm just projecting. c-ptsd. he has very complicated feeling surrounding loneliness and abandonment due to his childhood.

simeon: autism. C-PTSD!!!!!!! I think that. there wasnt nessacarily anything that could generally be considered traumatizing. but a lot of things in his early days were extremely stressful for him. I think that hes always questioned the word of God just a bit. he made sure nobody ever found out, but he always had doubt within him. this has always eaten at him, as he is supposed to be an angel. Angel's do not doubt the word of their father,, so, why does he?

ermm okay I think that's. enough ranting for today...

[ashwithane]

happy 5th anniversary, fire emblem three houses!

i didn’t have time to do anything super elaborate, but i’m glad i could at least make some simple drawings of how i looked when the game released vs how i look now. i tried to give them a similar vibe to the in-game portraits haha

rant below about my feelings right now because there’s a Lot to say! content warning for mental illness and childhood trauma 🫠🤙

as you can see in the drawings, i’ve come a long way in the past five years. when three houses first released, i was a deeply insecure high schooler who never dared to speak up or express themself. i struggled with self worth issues and had long since begun developing ocd symptoms as a result of the fear i had that there was something wrong with me, something i couldn’t possibly know or change but that everyone would see if i made a single wrong move.

throughout high school, and my adolescence as a whole, i had a hard time connecting with people. but when i played three houses, i connected with the story, the characters, the ability to replay it again and again and always try something new, change characters’ classes and find new paired endings and discover the little details i hadn’t noticed before. i was playing three houses the weekend after covid lockdown was announced, and i remember talking to one of my friends about this cool game i’d just started my second playthrough of. we laughed and talked about the game, figuring that lockdown would only last a few weeks, and then things would be back to normal.

lockdown was difficult for me, as it was for most people. but at the same time, not going to school in person meant i could afford to let my guard down. i could afford to unmask, and discover who i was when i didn’t spend every moment in fear of what others would think. and so when lockdown ended, i started college still timid, but somewhat more familiar with who i was inside.

and then, one day, a thought hit me out of nowhere.

“am i trans???”

and thus began the journey of self-discovery that was my first summer after college. i started using the name ashe, started using any pronouns and later switched to just they/them. i also finally got up the courage to tell my parents i wanted to get tested for autism, and came back with that diagnosis to explain almost everything i hadn’t had the words to understand before.

recently, my mental health has gotten worse. i got diagnosed with anxiety at the same time i got my autism diagnosis, but nobody told me i have ocd as well until earlier this year. things took a nosedive for me over this past school year—i stopped taking risks, barely left my college campus, barely allowed myself to put effort into social connections out of fear that i’d be forcing people to put up with me. but through therapy and medication, i’ve been working through those feelings, and the fears my brain internalized as a result of the way i grew up: feeling like something was wrong with me, but not knowing what. today, i feel pretty good! i’ve been having more and more good days, so i’m overall optimistic about what my future holds.

to bring this back on topic, fire emblem: three houses has gotten me through countless tough times, and has been immensely helpful in figuring out who i am. so in honor of the anniversary, i’d like to give a special thank you to the characters who have been the most important to me over the past five years.

ashe: i’ll start with the obvious. ashe is the character i stole my name from, so of course he will always hold a special place in my heart. in addition to that though, ashe’s earnest personality and commitment to doing the right thing is immensely inspiring to me. he proves that it’s possible to make mistakes and grow from them, that your life isn’t over after one misstep. ashe has taught me to never give up on doing the right thing, and being the best version of myself i can be.

felix: this list would not be complete without the scrunkly of all time! obviously i find felix to be a very compelling character and fun to write, but his significance to me goes beyond being a writing muse. i’ve often thought that i wish i’d had a friend like felix when i was younger, and even now—someone who would drag me into situations i found stressful and encourage me (in his own rude way) to have confidence in myself. someone who would have stood up for me against the people who treated me like i was lesser. felix inspires me to fight for what i want, his shield symbolizing the ability to make your own choices for what and who you defend. he reminds me that there’s no glory in being a martyr, and so i shouldn’t make my well being a second priority. i love you felix and i’m sorry i put you through the horrors regularly (but not sorry enough to stop).

marianne: it’s probably concerning to say i see a lot of myself in marianne. her journey is incredibly inspiring to me, especially now as i see that the past five years have taken me along a similar path to hers. marianne starts out thinking she’s too different from everyone else to deserve a life like theirs, and condemns herself to crushing loneliness all to avoid the possibility of her hurting the people she loves. and yet she learns to live for herself, realizes that her mere existence doesn’t cause any harm, and learns to embrace her right to enjoy life. i hope to have the same strength she does, so that one day i can reach that point as well.

linhardt: no joke, i realized i was neurodivergent because of linhardt. so many of his lines and support conversations made me go “ha, he’s so autistic/adhd coded!” i made these comments repeatedly, but i also kept noticing all the little ways in which i related to him. linhardt was one of many autistic people who made me go “huh, i do that too! what do you mean that’s not normal???” his character also serves as a reminder that it’s okay to take a break once and a while, and that looking after myself doesn’t mean i don’t care about others.

if there’s one thing left to say, it’s thank you. thank you to ashe, felix, marianne, linhardt, mercedes, sylvain, ignatz, hapi, yuri, hell—my oc rowan, all the characters i’ve connected with and loved so deeply over the past five years. thank you fire emblem three houses, not for being the only reason i am where i am today, but being a major part of it nonetheless. and if anyone’s still reading, thank you for making it this far, and happy timeskip! 🎉

[hismercytomyjustice]

Today’s therapy session went a little like this…

Therapist: You have to feel and acknowledge your feelings.

Me: no, 💖

But in all seriousness… Yet again found myself being like “Yay, the OCD spirals have been almost nonexistent lately!”

Only to, in the middle of talking to her about something, realize “…oh shit, my drive for perfectionism is another OCD spiral isn’t it..?”

My Therapist: ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

GODDAMMIT.

But I also found out last week (when I finally saw a psychiatrist at my therapist and doctor’s behest) that the typical dose for OCD of my current meds is 2-3x higher than what I’ve been on for the past like two years. Apparently that dose was more suited to “generalized anxiety” and not, in fact, for “OCD brain ghosts.”

So that’s getting bumped up. And my Adderall is probably going to get bumped up too. It hasn’t been doing much for me for a while now and I’m on a really low dose for it.

The psychiatrist also said we need to figure out whether or not I have autism because that’s going to greatly impact what she prescribes. Basically she wants to help me rather than medicate my brain into submission lol. Which I def appreciate!

I also met with the autism specialist my therapist recommended (whaaaat having OCD means you’re more likely to have autism???) who kept asking me things and was just giving me very “uh huh” looks the whole time accompanied by “Yes, that’s an autistic trait. That too. And that.”

But like, she’s asking me questions to sort out stuff like special interests and I’m just like what qualifies as a special interest and not a hyperfixation or a normal amount of interest? What is a normal amount of interest?

Same with questions like “are you a picky eater.” Like, what does that mean? By whose standards? What is the scale we’re working with here?

It does not help that a good chunk of my family and friends bare minimum at least have ADHD. Because I’m sitting there comparing myself to them and I’m pretty sure it’s a bit of a “Spiders Georg” situation.

Like…what is a normal amount of research when it comes to things you’re interested in? Because I don’t know everything about Mount Everest. But for like a month or so there, I was trying to learn everything I could about it. Wouldn’t that be a hyperfixation then? But I only eased up because I wasn’t coming across much in the way of new info, so IDK.

Same for like…what is considered a normal amount of liking a particular piece of media? Doesn’t everyone have stuff they enjoy and want to learn more about? And like…there are plenty of people who know more about POTO than I do. Not among my immediate friends and family, but I’ve seen them out on the internet. I know they exist.

What’s an ADHD level of sensory issues vs an autism level? And what’s an OCD level of liking things to be the same way vs an autism level? (╯°□°）╯

She can’t give me a formal diagnosis, as she does more like…autistic life coaching, but she did say she has someone she recommends for full blown testing if I want to get a second opinion, so that’s something I can consider.

It would just be the bee’s knees if my OCD didn’t keep sending me into spirals over this. I have had multiple qualified people tell me I probably have it now, and the ONE person who I got an actual assessment from (who never met me because she was just the assessor’s supervisor) is the only one who’s like “eh, not enough.”

Which just keeps sending me in “it’s not autism, it’s just the perfect combo of OCD and ADHD to make people think you have autism” loops.

God it’s so fucking annoying being in my brain sometimes.

Most times.

All the time.

But hopefully over the next few weeks I can get a solid answer on that front one way or another so I can stop ruminating on it. Whaaat reassurance seeking behavior??? In this economy?!

[archivalofsins]

In the same vein as those last tags. I've been going back and forth with myself on whether to share what was said on these diagnosis forms or not. However, I am just excited about having them and wish to talk about them. Mostly given how difficult it was to get some clarity on this due to life I guess (someone actively abusing their power).

So, I'm going to. Not putting this in the tag because it's somewhat personal but it does discuss Haruka and Mikoto. So there's that.

I already said it but this exam only occurred thanks to my therapist. I was willing to just go whelp getting tested for autism again is actually fiscally impossible within my state at least for me because most practices that do that don't take state insurance. I don't have thousands of dollars to drop on this.

So, my therapist went out of her way to look for places that do testing and taking my insurance. There were none. However, there was one place that would do it for significantly cheaper. That place would be the Michigan School Psychological Clinic for anyone interested in that. However in total that costs five hundred dollars out of pocket. Again much cheaper than other avenues but still a good amount to pay for something but there's a good period of time between doing the intake forms and payment.

Plus it can be split into two payments of two hundred and fifty dollars one given before testing and the other after before receiving the results. This place doesn't test for autism though it's focus is psychological evaluations and ADHD testing. Now for most people in the states the first thing would be okay why is it so cheap what's the catch.

The catch is this diagnostic testing is being done by students it's a part of training program. It's done under the oversight of a Clinical supervisor that does have a doctorate. This is why it's cheaper. It's something that both parties need but no one wants to do for free at the same time.

Which brings e to the first thing I want to highlight,

ASSESSMENT AND STANDARDIZATION

A battery of tests designed to assess multiple domains of cognitive and emotional-behavioral functioning was administered. Testing was administered by a trained clinician under standardized conditions, and under the direct supervision of a licensed psychologist. The results of this assessment are presented in conceptual groupings for easy interpretation and are meant only as a guide for interpretation.

TESTS ADMINISTERED

Conners Adult ADHD Rating Scales, Second Edition (CAARS-2) [self and observer-report] Conners Continuous Performance Test, Third Edition (CPT-3) Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory, Third Edition (MMPI-3) Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale, Fifth Edition (WAIS-V) Beery-Buktenica Developmental Test of Visual-Motor Integration (BeeryTM VMI)

I'm more so adding the thing above to give a general idea of how these things are done. In case people want to create more fan works around the prisoners and diagnoses. Now I can get into the parts that were interesting to me. Either because I found it to be laid in an oh way, or it was just like got damn.

First is a got damn type of thing,

BEHAVIORAL OBSERVATIONS

[REDACTED] was on time and appropriately dressed for her appointment. She presented with a pleasant and friendly disposition throughout the testing process. She was eager to discuss her favorite anime series and showed the test examiner a new book she recently purchased to read during breaks. [REDACTED] exhibited a verbal tic in the form of an involuntary repetitive sound that was uttered infrequently and spontaneously during conversation. She occasionally asked about items placed in the room and inquired about “correct” responses to test items following her responses. [REDACTED] was observed to be wearing her headphones with music playing at the initial start point of test administration and reported that it aids with focus and concentration. [REDACTED] demonstrated excellent stamina during the lengthy test administration and often initiated breaks.

Did I show another psychiatrist Milgram yes. She said Mahiru seemed to have anxious attachment by the way. Also the note on stamina is in regard to how long the test took. It took five to seven consecutive hours. The tester administrator said we could do it over the course of days if necessary but since I was aware of this being a student thing I didn't really want to impede on their schedule too much. So, I opted to finish it in one go.

The verbal tic thing is something I've had since I was a child. I can't really hear it so I didn't know I was doing it in this instance. It existing isn't news to me. My godchild actually makes the noise when she mirrors me saying hi to her. Ha, ha.... echolalia has interesting benefits. My sweet god daughter be like, "Hi, (her name) *that fucking noise I make after a sentence*".

I know, I know it's there I went to speech therapy for it. Since that speech therapy involved being hit with a ruler repeatedly each time I made the noise and that went on twice a week for three weeks. I've been aware of that existing since third grade actually. Sometimes I hear it but normally I do not.

Second point- I shouldn't be proud of this but I am.

Verbal Comprehension

The VCI is a measure of crystallized intelligence learned through verbal means. The VCI also assesses oral expression and receptive language. It measures the ability to access and apply acquired knowledge. The application of this knowledge involves verbal concept formation, reasoning, and expression. [REDACTED] obtained superior VCI scores (VCI= 124, 95th percentile) reflecting a well-developed verbal reasoning system with strong word knowledge, acquisition, effective information retrieval, good ability to reason and solve verbal problems, and effective communication of knowledge. On Similarities, which is a task that taps the abstract reasoning or the ability to identify the conceptual relationships that exist between words, [REDACTED] scored in the High Average range (SIM= 14, 91st percentile) indicating that she can state common features between two words or concepts when asked. On Vocabulary, which is a task that assessed [REDACTED]’s ability to provide word definitions, she performed in the Very High range (VOC= 15, 95th percentile). When answering questions about a broad range of general-knowledge topics, [REDACTED] scored in the Average range (IN= 9, 37th percentile). Furthermore, [REDACTED] performed better with verbal expression of word definitions than the ability to retrieve general factual knowledge from the environment, or past formal instruction.

I enjoy talking a lot that much should be kind of clear.

When the diagnosis goes you suck at drawing. My friends irl, "You graduated from an arts school what the fuck? You were an art major?!"

My ass who has one train of thought always and forever,

Q.05 Do you like drawing?

Mikoto: I like it, but I’m not especially good at it- It was one of the main areas of study at the arts uni I went to so I could just do the bare minimum for that, I guess. Don’t expect all designers are gonna be good at drawing~

I was a graphic design major. During my admissions interview the this conversation happened,

"Are you sure you don't want to be in radio and television? This is a very well edited video." (Needed to bring proof of competency and a piece of art one has made could be fan works brought an amv I'd made.)

"I'm positive I want to go into graphic design if there's no writing department. My concern is am I going to have to draw???"

"Well... If you're sure a bit of a waste though. One sec, here draw a triangle, circle, and square." slides sheet of paper across table.

Does that, "So?"

"That's all the drawing you need to know."

"Really...?"

"Yes. You'll have one drawing related class which since there's overlap between traditional arts and graphic design. But what I need to see is that you have an understanding of shapes and an eye for design. Which you've proven through drawing that and the work provided. So, I'll see you in class."

I literally could do the bare minimum to pass the one mandatory drawing class I had and while I like some aspects of it. Boy does it tire me out. So about that apparently physically writing isn't supposed to be immensely tiring. Who knew-

Visual Spatial

The VSI assesses a person’s ability to evaluate visual details and understand visual-spatial relationships. The ability to construct designs requires visual-spatial reasoning, integration and synthesis of part-whole relations, attentiveness to visual detail, and visual-motor integration. [REDACTED] scored in the Average range (VSI= 93, 32nd percentile) in comparison to her peers suggesting an adequate ability to apply spatial reasoning and analyzing visual details. For Block Design, [REDACTED] was asked to physically piece together a puzzle with a specified time limit to which she performed in the Low Average range (BD= 6, 9th percentile). She may have scored additional points if there were no time constraints. Moreover, when asked to reconstruct a puzzle from a selection of individual pieces, [REDACTED] scored in the Average range (Visual Puzzles= 11, 63rd percentile) indicating that her skills were stronger when a fine-motor component was not involved.

Now onto my beloathed,

The Beery-Buktenica Developmental Test of Visual-Motor Integration (BeeryTM VMI)

The Beery VMI (BEERY-BUKTENCIA DEVELOPMENTAL TEST OF VISUAL-MOTOR INTEGRATION (BEERY-VMI), 6TH Edition, 2010) was administered and measures the extent to which an individual can integrate their visual and motor abilities. It involves a developmental sequence of geometric forms to be copied with paper and pencil. Because children with different backgrounds often have widely varying degrees of experience with alphabets and numbers, geometric forms are used in the VMI rather than latter or numeric forms. The visual motor impairment, such as problems with fine motors skills of the hand and hand-eye coordination.

I fucking hate this test screw the Beery. This shit sucks.

On the VMI, [REDACTED] performed in the very low range, and her standard score of 66 corresponded to the 1st percentile relative to her peers. [REDACTED]’s performance in this area suggests that visual motor coordination is an area of weakness for her.

Did you catch that? When your score is low on a psychological test they refer to the thing you're low in as a Weakness.

MILGRAM / Haruka - Weakness

"If I tried and couldn’t say it, you would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”."

"The VCI is a measure of crystallized intelligence learned through verbal means. The VCI also assesses oral expression and receptive language. It measures the ability to access and apply acquired knowledge. The application of this knowledge involves verbal concept formation, reasoning, and expression."

20/06/05

"If only I could do what anyone else could do."

Haruka: Ah…… ah, u-um, Mikoto-san. The c-communication……? thing, that you were saying was important. I-I thought, I’d give it my best…… Um, so, Mikoto-san, what’s your favourite food……?

Mikoto: Ooh? Nice going, Haru-kun~ Yeah, we still have no idea how long this lifestyle will go on for, so it’s best if we all get along together here. My favourite food…… I like pasta and horse-meat sashimi. Also bubble tea, and recently I’ve been big on custard puddings. What about you?

Haruka: ……ah, I, I wonder…… H-hamburg steak, and omurice, a-and also…… what else? Ah. Cotton candy……

Mikoto: C-cotton candy!? That’s the first time I’ve met someone who has that in their top three favourites!? ……man, Haru-kun, you really are hilarious.

Kazui: Do you think you can teach her?

Mikoto: Well… The only thing I can teach with confidence are tips for debates and discussions.

The VCI also assesses oral expression and receptive language.

Amane: Right now- English? No, I need to learn about math.

Oops got sidetracked. This was actually meant to be about me for once. Well I guess that can sit there what's the harm. Yeah so my coordination is a weakness apparently. So that's how I got diagnosed bad at art or in general physical coordination something needed to draw in any capacity down to even holding a pencil.

Oh that bring us to dysgraphia,

What is dysgraphia? In short, it’s a learning disability that affects fine motor skills like writing, buttoning a shirt, or tying a shoelace — as well as the mental processes associated with writing, like picking a topic, organizing ideas, and making a coherent point. - ADDitude (What Does Dysgraphia Look Like in Adults?)

Tying shoelaces-

Damn I could just end it there but let's keep going.

Dysgraphia is a neurological condition and learning difference in which someone has difficulty with writing for their age level. This can range from issues with the physical act of writing to issues with translating thoughts into written words. Dysgraphia is manageable with interventions that can help you learn new writing strategies.

Is dysgraphia a form of dyslexia?

Dyslexia and dysgraphia are two distinct neurological conditions, though they’re easy to confuse because they share symptoms and often occur together. Dyslexia is a learning difference that makes it harder for people to learn to read. If you have dyslexia, you may read more slowly or have trouble recognizing words. Often, people with dyslexia read at a lower level than expected. People with dyslexia may struggle to break words into sounds or relate letters to sounds when reading. Dysgraphia involves difficulty with the act of writing. Difficulties can range from issues with physically writing words to issues with organizing and expressing thoughts in written form.

Is dysgraphia a form of autism?

Dysgraphia isn’t a form of autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Though dysgraphia commonly occurs in people with autism, you can have dysgraphia without having autism.

Source: Cleveland Clinic

Does dysgraphia occur alone or with other specific learning disabilities?

Children with impaired handwriting may also have attention-deficit disorder (ADHD)–inattentive, hyperactive, or combined inattentive and hyperactive subtypes. Children with this kind of dysgraphia may respond to a combination of explicit handwriting instruction plus stimulant medication, but appropriate diagnosis of ADHD by a qualified professional and monitoring of response to both instruction and medication are needed. Dysgraphia may occur alone or with dyslexia (impaired reading disability) or with oral and written language learning disability (OWL LD, also referred to as selective language impairment, SLI). Dyslexia is a disorder that includes poor word reading, word decoding, oral reading fluency, and spelling. Children with dyslexia may have impaired orthographic and phonological coding, rapid automatic naming and focused, switching, and/or sustained attention. OWL LD (SLI) is impaired language (morphology–word parts that mark meaning and grammar; syntax–structures for ordering words and understanding word functions; finding words in memory, and/or making inferences that go beyond what is stated in text). These disorders affect spoken as well as written language. Children with these language disorders may also exhibit the same writing and reading and related disorders as children with dysgraphia or dyslexia.

Here's some information on it from another source as well,

Understood

Many experts view dysgraphia as challenges with a set of skills known as transcription. These skills — handwriting, typing, and spelling — allow us to produce writing.

Here are ways it can present and signs of dysgraphia from both of the links provides.

Specific ways dysgraphia can present include:

Difficulties writing in a straight line. Difficulties with holding and controlling a writing tool. Writing letters in reverse. Having trouble recalling how letters are formed. Having trouble knowing when to use lower or upper case letters. Struggling to form written sentences with correct grammar and punctuation. Omitting words from sentences. Incorrectly ordering words in sentences. Using verbs and pronouns incorrectly.

Signs of Dysgraphia

One of the main signs of dysgraphia is messy handwriting. Here are some of the key handwriting skills people with dysgraphia may struggle with: Forming letters Writing grammatically correct sentences  Spacing letters correctly  Writing in a straight line Holding and controlling a writing tool  Writing clearly enough to read back later Writing complete words without skipping letters

Dysgraphia Symptoms at Home

Highly illegible handwriting, often to the point that even you can’t read what you wrote Struggles with cutting food, doing puzzles, or manipulating small objects by hand Uses a pen grip that is “strange” or “awkward” Slow to understand the rules of games or follow sequential directions Trouble reading maps Difficulty drawing, tracing, or painting Avoids writing whenever possible; prefers a digital grocery list to a written one, for instance Makes spelling errors in simple notes May also dislike texting

Sorry not to make this about me but- Literally in my discord bio "I like writing but I'm not the best texter since it makes me anxious." Absolutely hate that shit it's so energy draining.

Back on topic since this is just about Mikoto now,

Dysgraphia Symptoms at Work

When using spell-check on a computer, often has difficulty picking out the correct word from a list of similar words. Trouble filling in routine forms by hand, particularly if they require fitting words into set boxes. Illegible handwriting; can’t read own meeting notes or coworkers complain that memos are indecipherable. Mixes lowercase and uppercase letters, or print and cursive letters, seemingly randomly. Often leaves out individual letters or the ends of words, particularly when writing quickly. In some cases, may have trouble with typing as well. Experiences hand cramps or pain when writing. Has trouble telling when words are misspelled. Often uses grammatically incorrect sentences in emails or reports. May be overly reliant on simple sentence structures. Prefers to give or get directions orally, instead of in writing. Has trouble “getting to the point” in written communication; emails may be rambling, or reports may repeat the same ideas several times. Able to explain self clearly when speaking, but not when writing.

Please stop calling me out this isn't about me- "Has trouble “getting to the point” in written communication; emails may be rambling, or reports may repeat the same ideas several times."

Writing in a straight line. - Trouble filling in routine forms by hand, particularly if they require fitting words into set boxes.

Difficulties with holding and controlling a writing tool. - Uses a pen grip that is “strange” or “awkward”

Mikoto from the beginning has failed to use a consistent amount of pressure with his writing utensils when answering his interrogation questions. Making it appear as though his pen is running out of ink in a matter that is inconsistent with what that would generally look like. Considering this issue is present even prior to trial two he seems to have a habit of deviating between apply too much pressure and too little when writing.

Omitting words from sentences.

They're asked the exact same question and Yuno actually writes out an answer in contrast to Mikoto who just gives a list.

Difficulty drawing, tracing, or painting

Q.05   Do you like drawing?

Mikoto: I like it, but I’m not especially good at it.

I can't take much more of this... damn I feel like I'm dragging myself right now. Oh good I think that's everything I think that is sufficient enough. So yeah got fucking dysgraphia that dude probably does too or I'm projecting to spread the suffering. Who says it can't be both wouldn't that sort of overlap be perfection-

Yeah so the second test I received was even more thorough. the third one the government is having me take is probably gonna find more fucking issues at this rate.

[shinji-brown]

An Analysis of Imperial Japanese Navy Names as Used in Neon Genesis Evangelion

by @the-many-children-of-the-void

I have autism. I have a special interest in naval history, specifically the period between the launch of HMS Dreadnought in 1906 and the end of the Second World War. I know a lot of stuff, like the orders of battle for a bunch of actions in the Pacific. My favorite navy during this time period is that of Imperial Japan (mostly cause their ship names are the most fun). This basically makes me a member of the prime target demographic for understanding that particular bit of nuance.

As a side note: I'm going to try to refrain from using too much naval terminology in this essay but it's something I'm very close to and it's entirely possible that I end up like that one xkcd.

We're going to start with the Japanese aircraft carriers Akagi and Katsuragi and how their positions in the progression of Japanese carrier development lend themselves to their namesakes. Then we're going to discuss the Fubuki-class destroyer Ayanami and we're going to finish with a comparison of Soryu and Shikinami. I will not be discussing minor characters with ship names because, for the purposes of this discussion, they aren't relevant. Maya and Ibuki are both cruisers, for example, but there isn't really any special significance to those choices that I'm able to detect.

So what in the service histories of these ships leads me to suggest that their names have more specific significance than simply being names that go with their character's first names? That's the million dollar question and, by the time I'm done, I hope you'll at least understand where I'm coming from. So, buckle your seatbelts everyone and get ready for my hyperfixation fueled naval history infodump extravaganza.

We start with Akagi. She was built as the first full-size aircraft carrier in Japan, but she wasn't designed that. Prior to an international agreement to limit the size and number of ships in a number of navies, she was under construction as a battlecruiser (you don't have to know what that means), the second of the Amagi-class (a class is a set of ships that are all designed the same way). After that agreement was signed, though, Japan elected to convert her to an aircraft carrier instead of scrapping her hull. She served as a test bed for various aircraft carrier technologies during the 1930s and was modernized later in the decade. She served in the Kido Butai, Japan's strike force that attacked Pearl Harbor with another ship we'll see in a bit and was sunk at the Battle of Midway in 1942. For this comparison though, we need to meet another ship too.

Katsuragi was Akagi's opposite in a number of ways. She was designed as an aircraft carrier. She was completed in October of 1944. She was the second to last big aircraft carrier built by the Imperial Japanese Navy during the war. She was started to help replace the carriers lost at Midway. She never left port although, if she had, it would almost certainly have been to ferry kamikaze aircraft. Sound familiar?

Misato's role is the same. Bringing the sacrifice to the altar, in the same way an aircraft carrier bringing kamikaze aircraft does. It's reductive, though, to reduce Misato Katsuragi to just her relationship to Shinji, so let's look at her relationship to the character named for the other ship we've talked about: Ritsuko Akagi and, more specifically, how Akagi and Katsuragi apply to their characterizations and their relationship.

Katsuragi was young and fiery. She never saw action but her crew would have been young, mostly former students. She was indicative of an "ends justify the means" mindset in the latter half of the war. In contrast, Akagi was more cautious and experienced, a comparison reflected in any comparison of their namesake characters.

So the operational histories of Akagi and Katsuragi are reflected in their characters, but those are just two. Next, let's take a look at Ayanami, the lead ship of her subclass of Fubuki-class destroyers and why the choice of a destroyer from the middle of a class is relevant to Rei.

As we've established, a class of ships is a group of them that are all built to the same design. Japan built 24 Fubuki-class destroyers. By having so many, destroyers can be easily replaced with other ones. Not many destroyers attain fame equal to that of a bigger ship, such as a battleship or an aircraft carrier and they're not supposed to. They escort merchant ships, hunt submarines and serve as the screen for the bigger ships. Any fleet will have between a few and a bunch of destroyers. They're easy to replace. If one is sunk, another one can take its place.

This is the piss on the poor website, but I hope the point I'm building to is already obvious. For those to whom it isn't, let me make it clearer: Japan built 24 Fubuki-class destroyers. Destroyers are small ships and are easy to replace. Ayanami was the eleventh of those ships. Not the first Fubuki and not the last. The use of a destroyer name reflects that implication.

There's one more advantage to the choice to use Ayanami instead of another Fubuki-class ship that's going to become more relevant in the final part of this essay but I think it's important to mention before that point: Ayanami was the 11th, and the first of her subclass. The first child.

Now we're going to talk about how the meaning of Asuka's name changes depending on Soryu and Shikinami. It's all based on the orders of their construction in relation to the ships around them. We're going to start with Soryu.

Soryu was the third fleet aircraft carrier built in Japan, after Akagi and Kaga. She was the first purpose built fleet aircraft carrier after two prototypes. As Asuka says in Episode 8: Asuka Arrives in Japan:

After all, Units 00 and 01 were created as part of a development process, prototype and test type. The fact that it synchronized with an untrained pilot like you is proof of that. But Unit 02 is different. Created for actual combat conditions, this is the world's first true Evangelion.

Hmm. That sounds like how someone would describe Soryu, in relation to Akagi and Kaga, doesn't it? Soryu represents, in an obscure way, that Asuka is the pilot of Unit 02. But what about Shikinami? It's not an aircraft carrier. In fact, it's a destroyer, like Ayanami. It's a destroyer exactly like Ayanami. Ayanami is the 11th Fubuki-class destroyer and the first of the Ayanami subclass. Shikinami is the 12th Fubuki-class destroyer and the second of the Ayanami subclass. If Ayanami is the first child and the first of the Ayanami subclass, then Shikinami is the second child and the second of the Ayanami subclass.

So, Akagi and Katsuragi are indicative of their characters, based on their histories. Ayanami was a destroyer, something easily replaceable. Soryu and Shikinami are representative of Asuka's position, although the former is more subtle than the latter.

But Allie, I hear you say, how can you assign meaning to this? You've been in this fandom for four total days and you spent the first two of those watching it. How do you ascribe any intention here? The truth is, I can't. I can't say for certain any of this was intentional. The only reason I can think of to suggest it could have been was that it happens a lot. Hyuga doubling as a pilot, for example. Can I claim to know exactly what was going on in Anno's mind in the decade before I was born? Clearly not. Is it interesting and thought provoking to think about? Absolutely.

Thank you for taking the time to read this crap.

[bogkeep]

untangling my neurodivergence is such a trip like

- first time they tested me for autism i got a negative which is so funny in hindsight considering how Very Obviously Neurodivergent i was as a kid, so i had to return like OK I KNOW YOU SAID I DIDN'T AUTISM BUT CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN WHY I AM IN CONSTANT SENSORY HELL LIKE I'VE BEEN TOLD BY RELIABLE SOURCES WEARING CLOTHES IS NOT SUPPOSED TO FEEL THIS AWFUL ALL THE TIME and on second try i got an "hmmm ok you TECHNICALLY qualify but it's SO mild you are VERY high functioning like it's very vague. barely there. but you can have the diagnosis juuust in case you want accomodations someday" <- definitely didn't carry this assessment with me for years, no sirree, definitely didn't let other people's perception of "i'm not THAT autistic" color the way i viewed and treated myself well into adulthood,,

- the odd disparity between "but i'm so helpless i don't think it's possible for me to live on my own, i don't know how to do anything, i'm going to be a child forever" and "HUH living on my own is SO nice and easy?? i'm handling adulthood so much better than i ever thought i would????" because it turns out having control over my own environment frees up so much space in my brain

- the autism nerf becomes very apparent the moment i Return Home and suddenly the old brick walls in the brain are back. suddenly somehting as easy as making a little cheese toastie, a food that i've been eating almost every day for most of my life, becomes a strenuous task because i have to navigate a now unfamiliar territory, just choosing a cheese is hard enough because some of these belong to someone else and are off limits, if i open a new cheese when there was another one already open i will be berated for it, if i use the wrong cheese that is too fatty and melty i will be berated for picking the wrong cheese, and the fridge is very full and confusing and maybe i'm just missing the most obvious cheese, i'll just ask, and of course i can always ask, i am not afraid of asking for help but i'm always so tired of being made to feel stupid and clueless for needing to ask, but if i just assume i will always make the wrong assumption, and IS IT ANY WONDER SO MANY OF US DEVELOP ANXIETY

- anyway yes i'm absolutely THAT Autistic.