#this was a longer post oops

[lunarleonardo]

Hiii!! I just binge-read all of love letter, fever frost, and impermanent atttachment in I kid you not 48 hours. I'm running on redbull and my danganronpa special interest rn... anyways, came to say your fics are amazing and life changing and I like Shuichi a lot more now

Also why does he keep getting kidnapped and tortured??? Lunar you may need a therapist 😥

O_O hooooo boy. gee willikers. please drink water

Im glad you liked those fics so much !! :D it's always nice to hear someone enjoyed my little tidbits of insanity (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡ must spread my shuichi propaganda.....yess....... its growing .......

I've actually had a few therapists, all of which I cant see anymore. Those I did have though have suggested that writing is actually a good outlet for me !! The only reason I ever posted my stories onto ao3 was because I wanted to try to work past some of my social anxiety (which at the time, was so bad I couldnt even talk to my teachers without freezing), and I only continued to post because of the support I got. I love writing stories and I love Danganronpa all the same, so getting to share that joy with people who shared my passion was super awesome (⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠)⁠｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ .

To put it shortly, writing is my therapy, in a sense. I dont do well talking to people about how i feel or whatever, so expressing my feelings and ideas through characters is really the only thing I can do. I write for fun! But I also write to express things I cant put into words in the real world. Namely, my fears. And thats a whole nother conversation I dont mind getting into but wont right now since its not relevant xD

The reason Shuichi keeps getting kidnapped and tortured is because hes my favorite. I resonate with him and his trauma a lot. But its not just that. It's not that I like seeing characters get hurt!! The only reason I can write such things is because I know there will be a happy ending for them-- or at least, as happy as there can be. I enjoy the comfort part of things!! The initial rescue!! I like knowing that despite everything, no matter whats thrown their way, theyre going to be okay!!! (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡

yeah i'm just a big sucker for hurt/comfort idk LMAO. There were hardly any Fucked Up shuichi fics out there as far as i could find in my heavily filtered searches so i just. wrote my own (⁠个⁠_⁠个⁠) be the change you want to see in the world or something like that

[ihatebrainstorm]

More Rogues Gallery AU designs and doodles weehee o)-(

Doodle stuff + further context stuff below:

Freeze Nautica doodles ^^ (yea,, sorry Skids and Nautica.......)

Riddler Brainstorm and Deadshot Percy roommates lore lmao ^^

They build weapons and upgrade stuff together frequently- Deadshot Percy is a lot more focused on efficiency and getting the job done as fast as possible, so she really doesn't get Brainstorm's motives or reasoning behind her incredibly elaborate traps. Also Percy is frequently out on days long contract missions so she usually comes home to, (and has to sit through) BS's evil pajama plot rants a lot.. they seem to get more elaborate over time?

Batman Prowl and Catwoman Jazz doodles ^^

[starry-bi-sky]

more clone^2 memes because i think they're funny

[reineydraws]

so there's this post that talks about how people call jason's curved knife a kris but it's not a kris 'cuz why would he have a southeast asian knife? and op's tags say if you're gonna give him an 'exotic' weapon at least make him malay or something. a later reblog adds a filipino kris as an example, and then i was like, 'omg, jason in a barong tho.' SO i tried designing a bat-barong inspired by his hood logo, for a filipino jason haha. and now here we are! 😊✨️🇵🇭

[ln4wins]

The people is the answer for why I’m here. I believe the harmony, the family that we’ve created, it’s felt like home for a very long time.

[perlukafarinn]

Okay so I have a few experts I need to share from the story "Surprise!" by Nichelle Nichols, published in The New Voyages II in 1978.

It's about the crew throwing Kirk a surprise party, and Spock running around trying to keep Kirk from finding out (at Uhura's request), and it is bonkers. Kirk and Spock flirt so much, both with each other and also with Uhura (get it, girl!). Let's just get into it...

Talking about birthday spankings on the second page of the story. Nichelle is not messing around.

Then a couple of pages later, Kirk is teasingly asking Spock to tuck him in and Spock actually teases him back and then Kirk has to back down because he's not sure Spock wouldn't follow through.

Afterwards, Spock is all "phew, resisted that temptation" and talking about how his Vulcan decorum is "none too secure" when it comes to Kirk and this was published in 1978.

And then.... oh boy, I have to include this entire page and a half. I have to!

(Scott's eyes "did not even widen" what fresh gay hell is this)

I do not wanna know what mental gymnastics Spock performed to go from "must distract Kirk" to picking him up and carrying him around but I'm sure it was all very logical.

(Also, "Kirk whispered silkenly"? Nichelle actually writes Kirk as not only very flirty in this story but kind of seductive in an almost demure sort of way. I'm very into it)

Then later, Uhura is in Spock's cabin for plot related reasons, while Kirk is in the shared bathroom showering. And then for whatever reason

Kirk enters Spock's cabin in nothing but a towel, still dripping wet from his shower. Is this a common occurrence????

Next is my favorite bit (aside from Spock's completely necessary and flawlessly logical decision to pick Kirk up and carry him around like his newlywed bride, of course)

Kirk and Spock are in Spock's cabin and Kirk thinks he hears something in the next room. It's Uhura and co, but since Kirk isn't supposed to know about the surprise party juuust yet, Spock goes full gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss on his ass

Spock knows exactly which buttons to push to most effectively distract Kirk. Kirk's actually blushing and I am going insane

(1978!!!)

That is a direct reference to Amok Time. Nichelle Nichols, you beautiful genius.

But we're not quite done!

I just. I can't get over how obvious this is. Kirk is blushing and bashfully looking at Spock over the rim of his glass and flirting like there's no tomorrow. Insane. Insane!

In short, thank you, Nichelle Nichols for your service and thank you @1shirt2shirtredshirtdeadshirt for bringing this story to my attention.

[theshslpumpkinghost]

(Warning for pink blood- If you don’t wanna see that-)

Y’all, what if this- Was David

Because like- I always assumed it was Xander, but- What if it was David-

(if it’s actually him im gonna be so happy with myself-)

But yeah, uh- David is apparently sort of the mc which is cool- Him copying Xander’s sprite is so ahfjwuviwkvodo

DRDT is getting so good rn and Ch2 isn’t even done yet I’m so excited for the next ep-

[relic-seeker]

before pride month ends anyone wanna become a gay bug with me /joke

[milk-ly]

Kotoko and her connection to Dante’s Inferno’s Satan

Disclaimer: This is just about symbolism and I know how it sounds but I promise I’m not trying to imply anything or demonize her! I love Kotoko! Ive just been repeatedly noticing details about the parallel for several months now and I just really want to bring it up! This is just an analysis of the details MILGRAM has provided for it. I’m incredibly sorry if I make a mistake!

Kotoko has a lot of parallels to Dante’s Inferno Satan, especially in relation to Es.

To make sure we’re all on the same page, Dante’s Inferno is a Christian poem that outlines the 9 circles of hell. MILGRAM directly references Dante’s Inferno by quoting it in all the t2 door arts.

“Abandon all hope, ye who enter.” A quote derived from a sign at the gate of hell in the poem.

Each ring of Hell contains sinners with different levels of sins, and each ring’s sin was meant to be worse the further inside you go. Ive seen a couple theories that each prisoner correlates with a specific ring of hell. (Ex: Haruka is ring 1, Limbo; Yuno is ring 2, lust; etc)

But Dante’s Inferno only outlines 9 rings, what about our 10th prisoner, Kotoko?

While it could be that she’s again the “outsider” to the other prisoners, the last section of the 9th ring of Hell is significant because it is the center of Hell, containing Satan. So it could be reasonably argued that Kotoko correlates with it.

MILGRAM already has a TON of religious references. One that I’ve seen pointed out is how it seems the cover art of each novel is a reference to a famous Christian art piece.

The Es in each novel seems to be where Jesus relatively is. Remember that Jesus is both the son of God AND God. God gives sinners their judgements which sounds very similar to Es and how they're giving the prisoners (the human sinners) their verdicts.

Plus, the quote Milgram quotes is on the doors the prisoners are entering, and in Dante’s inferno, it’s on the gate of hell so you can compare or theorize that MILGRAM is a parallel to (or straight up is) purgatory. And Es, being the one who decides the verdict, parallels God.

Also, her t2 VD is named “YONAH,” which is the masculine version of the name Jonah. Not only does this relate to her themes of masculinity again, Jonah is a name that originates from Hebrew origins which means “dove.”

It is also a reference to the book of Jonah. A main theme of this book is “Jonah wants God to operate on his timeline [...] He wanted God to dole out punishment on his clock instead of according to God's plan. Yet God showed Jonah that in his infinite wisdom, he can't and will not be rushed.” Which is pretty much exactly what happens in YONAH, and also once again compares Es to God.

Dante’s Inferno’s Satan was an angel, a splendid being, apparently the most perfect of God's creatures… an “Angel of light.” We/Es deemed Kotoko innocent in t1. She had the highest innocent percentage in t1 too because a lot of people thought her murder was justified. You know, the most perfect of God’s creatures. The most perfect out of the prisoners.

“We really can work together.”

But then Satan tried to usurp God.

“If you don’t have the strength on your own, let me take care of it. Es! I can do it in MILGRAM!”

Kotoko wants to be the prison guard because Es isn’t capable in her eyes.

Satan was ultimately sent to Hell and punished as "the ultimate sinner" for his betrayal of trying to usurp God.

We are now punishing Kotoko for her attempts to judge the prisoners herself and “usurp” Es. It works even better now that she has the highest guilty percentage in all of MILGRAM so far as the “ultimate sinner.”

As a lot know, Fuuta also has tons of religious references too. (Ex. His VD is titled Baptism by Fire) By him also passing judgements onto people, you could say that he was trying to play God.

What is that saying about us, the audience, then? And our parallel/foil to Fuuta/Kotoko?

Dante’s Inferno as a whole is very much based around the idea of “evil will be punished,” which not only encapsulates Kotoko’s ideals but MILGRAM’s as well. It makes sense that MILGRAM says that Kotoko is a perfect parallel to the facility.

(I also wanna mention that there's something that could be said about the holy trinity in relation to Es + the audience + jackalope. For example, how Jesus is God in the flesh and Es is the audience "in the flesh," by acting as a personified version of us to interact with the "human sinnners" but I feel like I might be going into tinfoil hat territory.)

[fluffypotatey]

To be honest I am a huge Nalu shipper. But the thing is I want to know the difference between the way Natsu cares about his guildmates and Lucy. Like what is the obvious difference since that boy sees every as Nakama so how can we say that the wag he cares about Lucy is different?

Like even when Erza passed away? (All the way back in first season there was a segment where the guild was gathered at her grave and all) Natsu was still very reactive. Plus he was also said to be depressed even when Lisanna passed.

What's the difference between all of them and Lucy?

the fact that he stayed. the fact that before he met Lucy, Natsu wasn't one to stay in a group or even want to work with anyone besides Happy at the start of the story. hell, he was ready to just file Lucy down as "New Guildmate" once they reached Fairy Tail

but then, Lucy doesn't leave. she follows him on his mission to save Macao despite her not needing to or even really understanding everything about it. she stays and then fights with him and saves him. it's no secret that Natsu is strong and can take care of himself really well. he's been going on solo missions for years now, and no one has really stopped him, but that means he's been in a lot of sticky situations where he and Happy are on their own and have no backup. and yet, without asking, Lucy offers it

and i think this is the moment when Natsu considers that maybe it's okay to have someone there to have his back (sans Happy)

"but Natsu only needed Lucy for the next quest because of the requirements," well, Natsu also wouldn't have taken or even considered that quest if it weren't for Lucy, yeah? he was not a team player (in the picking job's sense) or really wanted other people to help him on his quests sans Happy. and then he goes and picks a job that caters to their team whilst ensuring that Lucy can't say no

or maybe i'm reading too much into it 🤷🏻‍♀️

or maybe Natsu's got horrible abandonment issues that he will latch onto people so fast (Igneel & Lisanna) but also cause him to distance himself so far when left behind (his 1st time at the guild, Lisanna's death). Erza and Gray are Natsu's closet friends after Lisanna and yet they cannot reach him when he closes himself off. and then we have Lucy, who stuck by and had his back, so who is to say Natsu didn't make some contingencies to ensure whether or not she'd join him?

but maybe it's the rose, colored ship glasses i have on

because yeah, Natsu cares for all of his guildmates. the power of friendship is his biggest motivator. when we meet Natsu, our first introductions of him is defending his guild's reputation from Bora (who was using it as a guise for human trafficking) and saving Macao. and our 1st big arc (Galuna Island), where Natsu adamantly refuses to allow Gray to use Ice Shell and sacrifice himself despite how antagonistic they've been to each other. we get Natsu 100% at Erza's defense throughout the Tower of Heaven and he is even ready to defend Wendy though they only met hours ago

Natsu is a character with a bleeding heart and cannot help but wear it on his sleeve, but we don't really see him allow others to fight his battles or have his back until Lucy comes in. to be honest, i don't even think he had his heart on his sleeve until Lucy. he still has a bleeding heart (i don't think anything could stop that), but he was not ready to be open in receiving company because he was so used to it being ripped away from him

that being said: of all the characters he interacts with, he finds Lucy to be someone compatible enough for him to start going on team missions and inviting her on them (for example, his 1st S-class mission, which he stole, he went to her house to show it to her. the fact that part of the reward was a celestial key might be a coincidence, but i wouldn't doubt it as Natsu and Happy's trump card in case she refused)

but yeah, the difference is that he stayed and didn't push her away at the beginning, but instead continued to invite her along with him to the point that doing a mission without Lucy wasn't his regular anymore. compared to the rest of the guild, of whom he spent most of his childhood with, even if he spoke to no one, they would still be around and talk to him anyway. he might not invite them on job and only challenge them to fights, but the guild is his home and a constant in his life, a constant he needs (bc heavy abandonment issues).

"okay, but he still pushed her away after he watched Igneel die right in front of him. and he left the guild for a whole year, too. so what's the difference there?" you may ask.

so 1) Natsu never thought the guild would disband. he returns to Fiore after a year and is the last to know that they disbanded. he assumed, like all the other times before and while he and others were sealed for 7 years, that Fairy Tail would still be there when he returned. he assumed that his disappearance would not impact so hard because the guild would still be around and Lucy would have the others with her

which, did not happen :)

and like, so many guild members go off on jobs, quests, or even just leave for an indiscriminate amount of time (which i, personally, believe was his rationality for leaving), so him being gone for a year was nothing! right? no harm, eh? his plan was never to be gone forever :))))

2) he just watched his father die and lose any chance of having some semblance of a long term reunion with Igneel. he literally lost one of his main driving motivations for getting stronger and taking jobs. before Fairy Tail, before anyone, it was Igneel. and to learn that a) Igneel was always with him to begin with and b) he only got to see him for less than a day after 14 years of nothing......i would feel lost too ngl

man's needed space from everybody. and he also needed comfort, but Natsu has been shown not to really be the character who asks to receive comfort (and when he does receive it, it's usually when he's already emotionally compromised). he is in the habit of shutting people out after being abandoned or losing someone close to him, with his next rationale being to "get stronger" in order to prevent what happened in the past to ever happen in the future.

anyway

what makes this different? well for one, he sent the letter only to Lucy (or it's implied since no one else is shown getting one) because of how the two spend most of their time together. even the line that goes with the panel makes it sound like Natsu is unsure on how the note will be received (maybe even hesitant? but that could be my own hopes)

and one of the 1st people he reunites with after a year is Lucy and we get such a similar parallel to the first chapter of Fairy Tail between the two as if the narrative itself is slotting them together to say "ah yes, now everything is back to normal and new journeys can begin"

but yeah, this is just a long way of saying, that Natsu does love his friends and guildmates but even when he is close to them, he kept to himself (and Happy) and sort of stayed in their orbit but always with some emotional distance because of his fear of abandonment. and then you have Lucy where he will stay for and allow her to orbit around him and he will invite to new adventures no questions asked

that's the difference

[stari-jelly]

silly comic fro my AU (that I still don't have a name for) this takes place late in the story after Loop and Isa get their shit together and start communicating lmao. also the comic transcript

Loop: what?

Isabeau: hmm...

Isabeau: can I kiss you?

Loop: My Morningstar how bold~

more art and facts under the cut.

so first off Loop and Isa are staying in a clocktower on the north coast of Vaugard. Loop has taken full control of the town they are staying in and refuses to leave for the most part. Loop isn't mean or cruel to the people of the town by any means they just took the town by force and have now made it their safe space. the towns people used to be scared if Loop but have since gotten used to them and some even like Loop. they spend most of their time in the clock tower decorating it, working on a project of theirs, and studying the stars at night. I might do a drawing of the layout of the clocktower. maybe. Loop wears the tattered remains of their old cloak and keeps their hair long. they have ditched the eyepatch entirely.

Isa at first stayed in Jouevente, he kept in contact with Bonnie and Nille, he and Mirabelle send letters but they don't talk that much and Odile hasn't been responding. he quit the defenders but still wants to help people leading to him getting into a lot of trouble with both authorities and criminals. he's having his vigilante arc. this ends with him getting seriously injured luckily Loop was around and saw him bleeding out and decided to drag him back to their town and heal him. (hence the bandages on his chest.) Isabeau is a lot more introverted in this AU. he's still loud and fun but he tires out quicker and has days we're he just isn't in the mood to be loud. he's more serious, more serious than Loop anyway, and is upset with how the Vaugardian government is handling the whole world ending situation. also he doesn't hide how smart he is, he realized there's no point when things are this bad.

Isabeau's and Loop's relationship is tense at first. Isabeau is reeling from how different and cold Loop is while also still having a fat crush (Loop being different didn't really change how much Isabeau likes him) and Loop thinks that Isabeau just wants Siffrin back and is very against that. this ofcourse does not stop Loop from jokingly flirting with Isabeau to get a reaction, Loop is just like that. Loop lashes out a lot and Isabeau is just trying to get them to open up. very angsty.

anyway some fun facts! Loop compares Isabeau to Venus a lot. they call Isa Morning star or Evening star has a cute nickname and painted the Venus symbol on his neck in the comic. Isabeau likes how direct and hard Loop is now, he thinks it's hot. gay ass. Loop sings a lot, they sing while they work, they sing when idle, they sing for the town. Isabeau had a cat, her name is Saumon. (French name for salmon) yes Isabeau named his cat salmon its funny. he had the cat before the king appeared and when he quit the defenders he gave the cat to one of his friends to take care of. now he has his cat back. she's super sassy and judgy.

[honeyjars-sims]

3.21 Spaghetti Regretti

After our chat at lunch the previous day, Lacey follows through on talking to Lucy about getting involved in more outdoor activities. This made Lucy really happy; so happy, in fact, that she invited Lacey to go hiking with her.

Of course, that’s just what Lacey predicted would happen and when she sees me, she makes sure to remind me that I agreed to join them. I don’t mind. I think it will be fun to hang out with them outside of work and get to know them better as friends.

I’m heating up some spaghetti in the break room microwave when Lucy comes in and thanks me for making good on my promise to help her make friends.

“Lacey said you would come with us,” Lucy says excitedly.

“Yeah, I’ll be there. You know, I could probably invite a few other people, too. Make it a group outing.” Maybe I should leave well enough alone, but Lucy is so enthusiastic that I can’t help but get more people involved.

“Really? That would be amazing!”

“It’s no problem. I doubt it will take much convincing.” And if it does, I won’t tell her.

“Well, I really appreciate it. I’m so excited to get to know everyone better!”

I attempt to stir my noodles, which are stuck together in one big clump. Lucy looks at my bowl disapprovingly. “What are you eating?”

“Oh, it’s just some pasta. One of those microwave meals.”

She wrinkles her nose. “Not to be rude, but that looks pretty sad. Have you ever had authentic Tartosan cuisine?”

“Does Little Corsican Bistro count?”

Lucy shakes her head emphatically and I fear I’ve insulted her culture. “That’s a chain. You won’t find what I’m talking about there, but I know a place where you can get the best that Tartosa has to offer. If you’re not busy, my husband and I are going there tonight and you’re welcome to join us.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude on your date night.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. It’s my mom’s restaurant, so it’s more of a family affair when we go. Besides, I owe you one.”

I take a bite of my spaghetti, which has the consistency of rubber bands and doesn’t taste much better. “That’s cool. I guess I can go.”

“Awesome! The ferry leaves at 6 and it’s a pretty short ride.”

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

[bigautomaton]

Even the daffodils are here, stinking of mildew.

[onethousxndvoices]

What inspired you to make hi fi rush overdrive?

the short answer: catastrophic levels of hyperfixation and an equal amount of hubris. this comic is a cry for help /j

the long answer: i really freakin like this game and wanted to create something tangible to show my love for it.

hi-fi rush is one of those games that completely captivated me in a way that most other media doesn't. everything about it was absolutely charming from start to finish and it altered my way of viewing art in a way only one other series has done for me before (mob psycho 100, if anybody's curious). it singlehandedly pulled me out of art block and for the first time in a while, it inspired me to want to do more with my art than what i'd previously done.

i guess in a sense, i'd been wanting to challenge myself to make something bigger for a while, and HFR just kinda waltzed into my life at just the right time. the sequel potential for this game is absolutely INSANE and i really wanted to take a crack at my interpretation of a hypothetical "Hi-Fi Rush 2" while we all waited for the real thing to come along (that original motive's obviously dead in the water now, fuck microsoft etc. etc.)

at first, overdrive was just a lot of "lmao wouldn't it be funny if ___" discussion in discord with my friends, and for a while i was happy with just leaving it at that. but time went on and more and more things started falling into place and suddenly i'm sitting in front of my pc at 3 in the morning staring at a bunch of character design drafts and 80+ pages of script and counting. i kinda just blinked and it manifested into existence LMAO

needless to say it's been a really fun journey so far, i've grown so much as an artist in the past few months of working on this alone and i'm learning by leaps and bounds with basically every page i finish. this is my very first webcomic (and honestly comic in general, i've only ever done illustration up til now) and it's 1000% me biting off way more than i can probably chew, but i adore this game and this community and i want to continue doing my part to contribute to the fanbase and keep the love for HFR alive. the story that's taken form in my notes is honest to god one of my proudest works and i'm really excited to get it out there to share with yall :)

(also, blame @batgirlteeth for enabling me. the screenshots that started it all.)

[autisticlalna]

oops we're giving Cloneby an identity crisis

so a thing about Rubyco is that they, along with the rest of Team FAVR, love to bully us. Ruby also slips in and out of character on a dime, which means any conversation in the lore-discussion channel in the SBK Community Discord can get interrupted by a patented Rubyco jumpscare:

we've had to try and work around Cloneby before. that's why Solar's conversation with R.C. happened-- they were hoping to cause interference, which didn't work as planned. there's also been plenty of times where i've said maybe a bit too much and had to quickly backtrack when i realized a Cloneby Moment was in progress:

but this time, when Cloneby listened in, things got a bit... weird.

you might recognize that as the quote i used in this art. anyway:

at which point Cloneby withdrew. (also: thanks, viking, that killed me.)

but, hey, speaking of that art. i linked to Ruby's reblog of it for a specific reason: the tags.

ah. um. hi, Cloneby.

(Ruby being a menace in my notifs is nothing new, though. hi rubert <3)

a couple days later, we have the reason why i started drafting this in the first place: i drew more Cloneby art and got a reaction.

there's been a little bit of discussion about if the clones know they're clones or not. the answer seemed to be yes in context, between Avid telling Cloneby they're "better than the original" and Trone's weird "totally Trog. not anybody else." bit.

but... it looks like Cloneby has no idea. she's aware that there's something wrong, and that people (sbkers and fans alike) treat him differently, but doesn't know why and it's starting to get to zem.

so... what happens next? is Cloneby going to put two and two together, or are they going to be stuck in a spiral of feeling like they have to match up and fill a hole they don't understand they're filling? is ce going to change, to ask questions, to try and build a connection, or does cer dedication to cer job and the illusion of "saving people" run too deep? what happens when she further misaligns?

i'm having clone emotions and you're all going down with me.

[megantronusprime]

y'all ever think about the 10 years engie spent as a roughneck in the oilpatch? because I do.

Like, do you think he was trying to break away from the family legacy of becoming a mercenary? that maybe that boy in the picture, trying his father's goggles wanted nothing more than to be an engineer just like his daddy - even had a natural knack for it too, said his dad, just like him and his father before him - and was too young to see clearly the toll it took on him and his family? do you think that, as he got older, he would begin to recognize the extremes his father and grandfather went to for their work, obsessing over it, even experimenting on their own bodies. do you think he came across his mother crying at the kitchen table late one night, unable to recognize the loving man she married who now never came home and obsessed over his work, and decided right then and there that he wasn't going to be that man to his family? that he was going to forge his own path - be his own man, and break free from the Conagher family curse?

so, maybe, at the age of 18, he began working as a roughneck in the oilfields of west Texas. It was hard manual labour, long days spent on drilling rigs with the Texas sun beating down on him, but it was good money, and though some of his coworkers were rough most of them were good enough guys and he along with most of 'em. and hey, sometimes maybe there were even on-the-spot practical problems to be solved - issues with the drill that in a fast-paced environment like that couldn't wait for a proper tech to come around and solve? and in those moments, engie would step in and fix the issue quickly, working without hesitation, like it was second nature to him. And maybe his coworkers would always remark upon his natural aptitude? ("you're in the wrong line of work, Dell.") Maybe he would shrug it off, say it weren't nothin' - just hung around his father a lot growin' up and learned a thing or two - but deep inside, he hoped for more of those opportunities to fix things, and maybe those little moments of on-the-spot fixes were the very things he looked forward to most. And maybe, even as he gained a reputation for being a mr. fix-it amongst his coworkers, given odd things outside of work to tinker on, it wasn't enough. maybe slowly, over the years, with each thing he worked on, the flames of his intellectual curiosity were stoked more and more, until eventually, he went back home and visited his mom, during his week off. And, late one night, against his better judgement, he went into his father's workshop - untouched, everything covered in a layer of dust (he hadn't been home in years). he knew he shouldn't. He could feel the gnawing at him, the voice demanding him to give in to his intellectual curiosity and follow in his father's footsteps getting louder. He had been trying to fight it, but he finally reached his breaking point and went into his father's blueprints. that was what tipped him over the edge. He spent the whole night, locked away in his father's workshop, poring over each design, his mind racing with ideas of how he could make it better. He couldn't stand it anymore, he needed more. When the sun came back up again, Dell informed his mother that after 10 years, he was quitting his job and enrolling for university. and although he was certain that he would not become the same man his father and grandfather was, as sure as he would be an engineer, but do it differently and not succumb to the family curse. And although his mother smiled, ever gentle and encouraging of her son, coffee mug in hand, there was a sadness in her eyes. Because she knew that Dell always had the same tenacity and obsessive intellectual curiosity his father has. And if Dell was going to do this, there was no moderation. He was going to fling himself into it completely, lose sleep, lose focus of everything else. And she was right.

...

OR maybe he always knew he was going to be an engineer and was like, "well, I'm going to do a whole lot of schooling, so what's the best way to save up for tuition? oh yeah! work in the oilfield for a few years :)" lol