#this was a formative musical experience for me and i fear it has been lost to history

[monstermoviedean]

wait. fob fans. do you know about the welcome to the new administration mixtape (2008).

[soulofapatrick]

I Like Your Mind - Edward Cullen x female reader

Summary: As soon as you meet Edward, you're both drawn to each other with an intensity you never expected

Words: 2.2k

Warnings: None

Y/N’s POV

I step into the Cullen house, my heart racing in my chest, and my mind filled with a mixture of fear and fascination. Bella has brought me here, introducing me to the family of her new boyfriend - Jasper Hale - and I can hardly believe where I find myself. I know their secret, the one they’ve been hiding from the world, the fact they’re vampires. And I know Edward can read minds which makes the whole situation even more daunting. But, as Bella races off to find Jasper, I’m left alone I the living room, taking in the stunning surroundings. 

The Cullens’ house is unlike any place I’ve ever seen. The air is heavy with an unspoken history, and everything within is both timeless and modern. A grand piano rests against one wall, a dark mahogany masterpiece, and the soft notes of a melody linger in the air, a testament to the musical talents of the family. On the opposite wall, a massive bookshelf houses an impressive collection of novels and ancient texts. Their spines form a spectrum of human knowledge, artfully arranged. 

My gaze drifts to the floor-to-ceiling windows that frame the room, offering a breathtaking view of the dense, ancient forest that surrounds the house. The trees stand tall and proud, their branches intertwined like guardians, protecting the Cullens from prying eyes. The afternoon sun filters through the leaves, casting dappled shadows that dance across the polished wooden floors. 

As my eyes linger on the tranquil forest, my imagination takes flight. I envision myself running through the woods, feeling the cool, damp earth beneath my feet. The leaves would crunch softly with each step, and the intoxicating scent of pine and damp earth would fill my senses. My heart would race, and a rush of adrenaline would surge through me as I lose myself in the untamed beauty of the wilderness. But, what captivates me the most is the idea of running through the forest in the rain. The thought of raindrops falling like liquid diamonds from the heavens, pelting the leaves and creating a gentle, rhythmic melody, sends a shiver of delight down my spine. In my daydream, I am drenched, my clothes clinging to my skin as I twirl and leap through the woods, liberated and carefree.

The rain washes away all my worries and fears, leaving only the exhilaration of the moment. It's as if the world, with all its complexities and complications, has melted away, leaving only the simplicity and purity of the rain-soaked forest. It's a feeling of utter peace, a sense of being one with nature and the world, a sensation I've longed to experience again. 

Lost in the serenity of my daydream, I sense a subtle presence to my right. The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, and a strange but not unwelcome shiver runs down my spine. Slowly, I turn my head to see one of the Cullen brothers standing there, a striking figure with sharp, chiseled features. He exudes an air of quiet strength and confidence, and I can't help but admire his physical appearance.

As I take in his feature, I quickly realise that this isn’t Jasper, as Bella would undoubtedly be with him if he were here. Besides, Jasper is known for his blond hair, which contrasts with the dark brunette locks of the Cullen brother beside me. His eyes, however, remain a shimmering gold, and their intensity is captivating. 

Going over Bella’s description, I recall that she mentioned Emmett to be big and buff. Emmett is tall and muscular. He has dark curly hair and dimpled cheeks. Despite his intimidating appearance, he is light-hearted and carefree. This man in front of me is almost quite the opposite with perfect and angular high cheekbones, strong jawline, a straight nose, and full lips causing my heart to quicken with a sudden realisation. In a hushed voice, I tentatively ask, “Edward?” 

The name hangs in the air between us, my uncertainty evident in the way I speak his name. The Cullen brother gives a small nod, his eyes holding a hint of amusement and there’s a small smile on his pretty lips as he says, “Hello.” His voice is a velvet whisper that sends a shiver down my spine. My cheeks heat up in response, and I can’t help but feel flustered by his presence. Turning my face away from him, I gaze out at the enchanting forest, using the breathtaking view to regain my composure. 

But just as I start to calm my racing heart, I sense his movement. Edward is moving closer, somewhat hesitantly as if he’s scared to do so but he moves so close I can feel the coolness of his chest against my back. The physical proximity is both thrilling and nerve-wracking, and I can’t help but wonder what his intention are as I continue to look out at the tranquil forest. 

The peaceful silence in the room is broken by Edward’s soft voice, barely above a whisper, “I like your mind,” he admits, his words sending a rush of warmth through me, “It’s quiet.” 

His words wash over me like a gentle caress, and I can’t deny the intrigue of his interest in my mind. It’s a compliment I could never have anticipated, coming from a vampire who can hear the thoughts of others. The intimacy of this moment is palpable, and I can sense the internal struggle within him, as if he’s torn between his desire to touch me and the realisation that we’ve only just met. 

Despite my rational thoughts screaming at me to maintain my distance, I surrender to the magnetic pull of Edward Cullen. My back leans into his cool, sculpted chest, and the sensation of his icy hands on my hips sends a shiver of anticipation coursing through me. It's as if the enchantment of the Cullen house, the breathtaking view of the forest, and Edward's irresistible presence have combined to create a spell that I am unable, and unwilling, to break. 

Closing my eyes, I allow myself to become completely enveloped in everything Edward. I’m hyperaware of how he feels behind me, the firmness of his chest pressed against my back, the subtle rise and fall of his breath against my neck as if it’s a force of habit for him despite vampires lack of need to breathe. His scent, a delicate blend of lilac, honey and sunshine, fills my senses and intoxicates me, wrapping me in a warm, inviting embrace. 

The moment feels intensely romantic, the air electric with the unspoken connection between us. I know that Edward can read my thoughts and perceive my view of him, and in this vulnerable instant, I choose not to resist. I grant him access tot he unfiltered depths of my desire, allowing him to see and feel the passion that simmers beneath the surface. 

The tension in the room crackles, the rain outside intensifying as if mirroring the fervour building within us. It's a clandestine dance of two souls drawn together by an unexplainable force. In this silent, electrifying embrace, I become an open book for Edward, my thoughts and desires laid bare, and I can only wonder what he'll make of the desires that race through my mind like wildfire

With a slow and deliberate movement, Edward turns me to face him, his eyes open and unguarded. They flicker with a hint of vulnerability, as if he, too, is uncertain of the depth of this connection. His gaze drops to my lips, and I can feel the warmth of his breath on my skin as he hovers close. His fingers twirl my hair around them, an intimate gesture that feels like an attempt to memorise every part of me that he can reach. The air crackles with anticipation as I hold my breath, my heart pounding in my chest, The world outside seems to fade away, leaving only the two of us in this electrifying moment. 

Edward’s gaze remains locked on mine, a silent promise of the depths of emotions and desire that lie beneath the surface. In the hushed room, our shared anticipation and vulnerability create an electric tension that’s impossible to ignore. His lips are tantalisingly close, and I can feel the coolness of his breath as he hovers near. It’s as if he’s about to kiss me, his intentions clear in the smouldering depths of his golden eyes. But he hesitates, his voice barely a whisper as he mumbles something about not being able to stop once he starts, a confession laden with both longing and restraint. 

Unable to resist any longer, I tangle my fingers in his tousled hair, an intimate gesture that communicates my desire and intent. With a gentle, yet urgent push, I guide his face the rest of the way down until his lips finally meet mine. 

As our lips meet in a hesitant and guarded kiss, a complex swirl of emotions and desires floods the space between us. Edward, despite his initial restraint, can’t help but respond to the fiery connection we share. His lips, cool and soft, brush against mine with a caution born of a lifetime of self-control. The kiss begins with a tentative exploration, as if he’s testing the boundaries of this newfound intimacy. 

The initial hesitancy slowly gives way to a growing intensity, and I can sense his need for more. His grip on me tightens ever so slightly, fingers digging into my hips, a delicate balance between desire and restraint. His response is careful, as if he’s constantly aware of his vampire strength, wary of causing any harm to me. The kiss deepens, his passion building, and the chemistry between us becomes an irresistible force that pushes us further into uncharted territory. 

With a slow and deliberate movement, he begins to walk me backwards, his lips never leaving mine, until my back makes contact with the cool glass of the windows, drawing a gasp from me. It has Edward smiling softly, golden eyes a little glazed as if in a trance of disbelief this is happening before his cold nose bumps my neck, making my pulse jump. I should be scared by how close he is to my jugular but I don’t feel any fear or anything, especially when Edward places a soft kiss on my jugular, a silent acknowledgement of the temptation that throbs beneath my skin. His lips are cold, but their touch is gentle, sending shivers of desire coursing through me. 

My hands tangle back in his soft locks, guiding his lips back to mine, their coldness a stark contrast to the burning passion that courses between us. In that moment, I am both vulnerable and empowered, willingly allowing myself to be drawn further into this intoxicating dance of desire. 

Each kiss makes me feel more alive, more connected to a world I never knew existed. The world outside may be drenched in rain, but in this electrifying embrace, a different kind of storm rages, a tempest of emotions and desires that we can’t control. His lips, cool and velvety soft, meet mine over and over again in a symphony of fire and ice, a fusion of elements that ignite a burning desire deep within me. 

His body presses against mine, a solid and unyielding presence that leaves me feeling both vulnerable and empowered. The contrast between his cool skin and the heat of my own sets my senses ablaze. As we deepen our connection, the room seems to spin around us, and I lose myself in the feeling of everything Edward. 

The room is charged with our passion, and I can feel it deep in my core. Every kiss is like a secret, a stolen moment in a world that is entirely our own. We lose track of time and space, our lips locked in an intimate dance that only intensifies the fever that has drawn us together in the first place. 

But then, like a bolt of lightning in our own private storm, I hear Bella’s joyful squeal. Edward pulling away from me, and I let my face fall into the warmth of his chest, overwhelmed by embarrassment. As I hide from the world, I can feel the soft rumble of amused laughter in Edward’s chest, a sound that both soothes and electrifies me in equal measure. 

“Fuck yeah!” Bells shrieks with joy and I flip her off over Edward’s shoulder as he wraps his arms around me, stifling a laugh as he can probably hear all of my silent insults and embarrassed thoughts thrown Bella’s way. 

“It’s okay.” He murmurs, fingers carding through my hair and I just hum, letting my eyes flutter closed in contentment. I don’t care how quick this is happening, all I know is I need Edward and no-one else so I’ll live with the embarrassment if it means I can have Edward. 

“You have me.” 

                           ┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈

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Twilight Masterlist

[justcallmefox89]

Gale and the Gith: Chapter Eight - Eavesdropping Part II

X'aa'nath finally shows Gale how he feels.

“It seems that we’ve lost our audience, my dear,” Astarion murmurs, running the brush through my hair one last time.

I shrug, trying to appear unbothered, as if I’m not hyperaware of Gale’s movements every time he is near me, as if seeing him smile is not the brightest part of my day.

What sentimental drivel.  How far I have fallen…

“Normally I don’t advocate for such things, but have you considered just talking to Gale?”

I glance over my shoulder at the vampire, confused.  “About what?”

“Oh by the hells,” Astarion sighs.  “Anything?  Everything?  Whatever it is that has the two of you so discombobulated?”

I hunch my shoulders, curling in on myself.  “Purification is our only goal.  After that Lae’zel and I will reunite with our kin.  The wizard is a distraction.”

“I’d find that a lot easier to believe if you didn’t look so miserable while you say it,” he says, languidly reclining back onto his bedroll.

“I am not… That is, I don’t…” I take a deep breath, picking at a loose thread on my trousers in an attempt to settle my nerves.  “I do not have experience in matters like this.  I don’t understand how to do… this.  Whatever this is.”

“Oh.”  Astarion sits up slowly.  “Oh dear.”

*Later that evening*

I’m beginning to think that Khou’zal left out some of the finer points of my education.

My earlier conversation with Astarion has at least filled in a few of the blanks concerning humans and their mating rituals, but it leaves me no closer to knowing what to do in regard to the wizard.  I grunt in frustration and scrub my hands over my face.

The first person to ever stir my blood is a human.  Of course it is.  Not a fellow gith, or a dragonborn, not even an elf.  But a human.  Between the tadpole and this Vlaakith must be testing me.

Without thinking I raise my head and search the camp for the reason for my inner turmoil. 

Gale stands outside his tent casting a spell, uniting tendrils of Weave together to form the likeness of a woman.  Cursing myself for my curiosity I creep closer to observe, wrinkling my nose in distaste when I recognize the subject of his spell.

“That’s that deity you wizards adore.  Mystra, right?”

Gale twitches and the image of the goddess fades away.  “Oh!  My, you startled me.  I… I was miles away.”

“Care to tell me why you were conjuring an image of the goddess?” I ask, eyeing him curiously.

“Just pondering what I lost.  Mystra commands all magic.  Salvation, if such a thing exists is hers to bestow or withhold.”

She doesn’t command my magic.

I conjure a miniature ball of lighting to reassure myself, silently thanking Vlaakith that I was chosen by the storm.  Something I’ve done more often since meeting Gale and learning of the limitations of wizards and their goddess.

“And yet, even now, more than I fear losing my own self and soul, I fear losing my command of her art,” Gale continues.  “Magic is… my life.  I’ve been in touch with the Weave for as long as I can remember.  There’s nothing like it.  It’s like music, poetry, physical beauty all rolled into one and given expression through the senses.  Is it the same for you?”

I tilt my head to one side, considering.  “The elements of the storm live within me.  I am magic.  While talented, you still had to be taught the command of magic.  It is like music.  While you need it written down, I can play it by ear.”

“Fair enough – though in the end we’re still playing the same composition.”

“One of us is playing it slightly better though,” I mumble.

“What’s that?” Gale asks, raising one eyebrow in question.

“Nothing!”

He smirks at me knowingly.  “Perhaps I can show you what I mean by reaching into the Weave together.”

“By all means.”

“Then follow my lead,” Gale mumurs, moving closer to me.

His proximity and the tone of his voice send a small thrill down my spine, and I have to force myself to focus on his next words.

Gale makes a series of hands gestures, Weave sparking between his fingertips, then nods to me.  “Now you.”

I glance over at him skeptically, then imitate the gestures with ease, the Weave obeying me as easily at it did Gale.  As familiar feeling – like a kind word and a kind touch at the same time – washes over me.  It’s warm and comfortable.

“Excellent!”  Gale nods in approval.  Now repeat after me: Ah-Thran Mystra-Ryl Kantrach-Ao.

“Ah-Thran Mystra-Ryl Kantrach-Ao,” I whisper.  The sudden scent of rosewater fills my nostrils as a general sense of well-being settles over me.

“Very good,” the wizard murmurs.  “Now I want you to picture in your mind the concept of harmony.  As true as you can.”

My body shudders traitorously at Gale’s praise, and I close my eyes in an effort to force myself to concentrate on his instructions.  I focus on one of my most treasured memories; the first time Khou’zal and I journeyed to Tu’narath, the feelings that coursed through me as, for the very first time, I beheld that great city built on the bones of a fallen god.  The Weave courses through the night in bright waves, and I feel Mystra’s unmistakable presence all around us. 

“You did it!”  Gale laughs in delight.  "You’re channeling the Weave.  How does it feel?”

I smile over at him.  “Incredible.  Though of course, I could have managed it all by myself…”

“You’re hard to please aren’t you?” he teases playfully.

The Weave connects us.  Joins us together in a way far different from the ghaik’s tadpole.  The moment feels intimate.  I grasp onto the feeling, knowing it will be my only chance to feel this kind of closeness with Gale.  Belatedly I realize the Weave has slipped between my mental defenses, that Gale is now witness to all my innermost desires.  Lost in the sensual haze of the Weave I picture kissing Gale, gently at first, then with increasing passion as my hands explore the soft skin beneath his wizard’s robes.  I imagine kissing the delicate skin behind his ear, burying my hands in his hair and tugging his head back, biting and licking the exposed column of his throat and then further down onto his chest, marking him, tasting him, possessing him…

“I… I didn’t think…”

Quick gusts of embarrassment and trepidation that are not my own pull me out of my fantasy and I open my eyes to see Gale staring down at me, red-faced and wide eyed.  I quickly sever our connection before anymore of Gale’s emotions break through, cursing myself for my stupidity.

“I’m sorry,” I mutter, turning to dart away, already planning to throw myself off nearest cliff and put an end to this madness the wizard has cursed me with.

“X’aa’nath.”  Gale catches my hand, tugging me closer to him, still flushed but slightly more composed.  “I wasn’t expecting… but it is a pleasant image to be sure.  Most pleasant, in fact.  Most welcome.”

I freeze the moment his skin touches mine, the small motion of his thumb gently stroking over my knuckles causing my heart to thump unsteadily in my chest.  The Weave slowly evaporates around us, and as it does so, the night feels suddenly cold and lonesome. 

“There it goes,” Gale whispers, still holding onto my hand.  “How easily things slip away from us, no matter how hard they were in the obtaining.  Stay with me a moment.  Please.”

I nod wordlessly, my eyes fixed on our interlocked hands.

As long as you will have me by your side, I’ll be here.

[l1tw1ck]

2003

dom!bottom!ftm Joel x sub!top!masc reader

☆ Word Count: 1,177 ☆

↳ [REQUEST] | AFAB Language Used

CW: Non-Con, Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Choking, Creampie

Reader Discretion is Advised

Don't read if you think or know the content will trigger you, this is written in the perspective of a victim, i recommend not reading this if that'll affect you

Back in the early 2000s, you and Joel were married and it was nothing close to what you’d hoped marriage would be. He hurt you, both physically and mentally. He took advantage of your weak nature and used it to manipulate you into submission. You managed to escape in 2003, during the outbreak. Joel was devastated and spent all his time looking for you. He already lost his daughter, he wasn't going to lose you too. You were busy living your life to the fullest in a community. You found someone who doesn’t treat you the way Joel does, everything was nice and you were finally starting to heal. And then came 2023, the year he found you.

You’re home alone, washing the dishes and listening to some music from the old days. It's a beautiful day too, you're in a great mood.

That is until you hear the sound of a break in. You immediately grab your gun and turn to the source of the sound. You can hear heavy footsteps getting closer and closer, you're scared. This has to be an assassination, but why? Why you of all people? You can't wrap your head around it.

“[Name].” Joel smiles softly, walking towards you. You freeze up, unable to react and barely able to breathe. He’s back. He walks up to you and takes your gun, throwing it aside before grabbing your neck and forcing you into a one sided kiss. He uses his free hand to grope your crotch, making you even more uncomfortable.

Joel slightly pulls away, staying in close proximity to you. “You left me.” He states. “You left me alone.” He growls. Tears start to form in your eyes. You’re terrified of him. Especially now.

“Do you know how hard it was to live without you?” Joel chokes you. “I spent all these years searching for you.”

It was hard for you too, learning to function on your own wasn’t an easy feat and you’re still not fully dependent. You rely on your partner because you’re still scarred from your experience with Joel. You know Joel would've been fine without you if he wasn't obsessed with you. You’re not sure if it’s some fucked up version of love or if he just liked you for your body. But you know that your struggle was and is much harder to deal with than Joel’s. You don't have the guts to say it though. You just let him choke you while you're paralyzed with fear.

Joel lets go of your neck and picks you up. He's gotten stronger. It's going to hurt more if he gets mad. He walks upstairs in search of your bedroom. The bedroom you share with your lover. Who won't be home until late.

He drops you onto the bed and strips you, a soft sigh leaving his lips at the sight of your naked body. He strips down to nothing as well before climbing on top of you. His body’s changed so much from before, he’s got more muscles. He seats himself right behind your soft cock, jerking you to full hardness. “I missed you so much, my baby boy..” He frowns. “You look so different now.”

You feel a pang in your heart. You used to love it when he called you that. You feel a few tears trickle down your face.

“It's been so long, it was so hard to cope without you…without this.” He drags his tongue along your shaft, smiling at the familiar taste. “Don't leave me again.” He says sternly before lifting himself up and sinking down onto your length. Your face twists in pleasure. You hate yourself for missing this but God, he feels amazing. He grips your shoulders and starts to ride you, bouncing up and down with a grin on his face.

You turn your head to the side and shut your eyes tight, attempting to pretend that it isn’t Joel on top of you. Tears rapidly flow down your cheeks, feeling pure fear and despair. Joel notices this and grabs your face. “Look at me.” He orders, faking a pained tone. “It’s been 20 years, look at me, baby..” He slows down, gently rocking his hips.

You open your eyes and stare into his. Your will to fight starts to dissolve. You begin to remember all the good memories you have of him. “Joel..” You look at him with a sad expression on your face. You don’t know why you ever left him. The only reason he hurt you is because you deserved it, he told you that every time. Everything he does is out of love, not hate. You don’t know why you thought otherwise. All the healing you did over the years crumbles into dust, all because you looked into his eyes. You can't be mad at him anymore. Why? Because he loves you.

“I…I love you, Joel..” You say, voice cracking as you try to speak in between sniffles. “I’m sorry- I’m sorry I left you..”

Joel hides his smile behind a straight face. “You should be sorry, do you know how hurt I was? How much I've been through to find you?” He gently wraps his hand around your neck. “I've gone through so much shit to see you again and after all that, you treat me like a fucking monster.”

You try to speak but you can't, you're scared. He's going to hurt you.

“You know why I do this, right, baby?” He lightly squeezes your throat while slowly and sensually lifting and lowering his hips.

“Because- because I deserve it.” You respond.

“Exactly.” Joel starts to choke you. “If you weren't so bad, I wouldn't have to do this. Anyone else would've broken up with you, but I never would. You know why?”

“You lo- love me-” You choke out. He loves you so much that he does everything he can to help you grow as a person.

“That's right, baby boy..” He slams his lips against yours and starts to bounce on your cock again.

You can't help but buck your hips up into his warmth. Fuck, he feels so goddamn good. Why did you ever leave him? You can’t remember. All you know is that his pussy feels like heaven. You moan his name, unintentionally making Joel move faster. He urges you to say it again, squeezing your length when you do. He moans your name in response, chanting it as he reaches his peak. You watch in awe as he comes, making the same beautiful expression he always did when he orgasmed.

“Keep going~” He breathes out. “Come inside me, [Name]~”

You don’t stop and continue your feverish hip movements, fucking up into his loving and welcoming pussy before spilling all your love for him inside of it.

“I missed you..” You murmur, Joel resting on your chest.

He smiles. “Not as much as I did.” He says. “I already built our new home, 2 bedrooms. One for us, and one for our child.”

You smile back at him.

your spouse is dead. by the way.

[trahald-the-burrower]

Sméagol and Frodo Music Video - Meet Me in the Woods

I made this as a tribute of Sméagol and Frodo's relationship. A lot of the time I am showing the similarities between them, how they went from living happy peaceful lives to being tormented by the Ring, having to leave their homes, seeing horrors, being overtaken by darkness.

Then they come together, and there is beauty and shared hurts and understanding... but they end up betraying each other.

Here it is on YouTube:

(More descriptive below if you want to know the meaning behind everything, I was very deliberate with the making of this music video:)

The intro: Frodo and Sméagol living peaceful lives. It's sad because this is what they lost. This shows ways they relate, part of what creates their understanding of one another.

I took a little journey to the unknown: Frodo's journey with the Ring. Traveling across Middle-Earth, to Mordor. Sméagol going to the Misty Mountains after being banished from family. Both leaving their peace and happiness because of the Ring. More showing why they understand one another.

I come back changed, I can feel it in my bones: Frodo returns to the Shire unable to fully heal. Sméagol begins his transformation. (If there was footage, I would have showed Sméagol returning home to his family, changed, but we didn't get that)

I fucked with forces that our eyes can't see: Sauron is the unseen force that they both are tormented by.

And now the darkness got a hold on me: Both succumbing to the power of the Ring.

Ooohh, ladadada: Sméagol chokes Déagol/Frodo puts a knife to Sam's throat.

Ooohh, ladadada: Frodo is tempted to put on the Ring/Sméagol puts on the Ring.

Similar experiences.

How long, baby, have I been away?: Sméagol at the edge of the mountains, having been banished from home.

It feels like ages, though you say it's only days: It's not been that long since Frodo left the Shire, but it feels so much longer.

There ain't language for the things I've seen, yeah: SméaGollum being violently tortured by orcs, by Sauron's Black Hand. Frodo witnessing the true forms of the Nazgul.

And the truth is stranger than my own worst dreams: Frodo sees the eye of Sauron once wearing the Ring. I'm sure that's stranger than any dream he's had, can't even think that sort of horrific thing up.

The truth is stranger than all my dreams: Same as above, they've faced horrors in the real life that are worse than I'm sure they could have imagined prior to the Ring. I showed both Frodo and Sméagol waking up from nightmares because I love the mirroring. That mirroring is peppered throughout the entire trilogy.

Oh, the darkness got a hold on me: The first time Frodo snaps at Sam, the darkness of the Ring beginning to poison him. Then the transition from Gollum to Sméagol.

They have practically the same exact experience.

I put the first chorus from Frodo's point of view.

I have seen what the darkness does: Frodo has indeed seen. Sméagollum is living proof. And he's experiencing it himself.

Say goodbye to who I was: Frodo is no longer that smiley Hobbit he once was.

I ain't never been away so long, don't look back them days are gone: Frodo weeps for his old life, weeps over the burden he now has. And he says don't look back, those days are gone. He has to let it go and move forward and destroy the Ring.

Follow me into the endless night: Frodo manipulatively leads Sméagol out of the Forbidden Pool...

I can bring your fears to life: ... resulting in Sméagol being captured by the men, to be beaten mercilessly. This was one of Sméagollum's biggest fears-- he needed protection, he trusted Frodo. Frodo said he'd look after him, and Frodo broke that promise. Betrayed by the only person he thought he could trust. The fear doesn't come just from being hurt, but from being betrayed by the only other person he had feelings for in over 500 years.

Show me yours, and I'll show you mine: A fear they both share -- the Ring.

Meet me in the woods tonight: I look at these particular lyrics as metaphorical more than literal, basically saying that all the lyrics that came before, is what he is offering. It's an invitation. "let us come together, meet me eye to eye. Let me see you, I'll let you see me, even if it will hurt us." So I used the footage of Frodo questioning Sméagol, Sméagol lowering his walls for Frodo. That very moment is THE MOMENT of their relationship. They were already bound, but that moment there is what sealed the deal. Frodo reminding Sméagol of who he is... Sméagol says his name for the first time in over 500 years...

Oooh, ladadada: ... and then Gollum speaks the name for the first time. Sssmmméagooolll.... He takes it over, and that moment Sméagol and Frodo shared is corrupted. All triggered by Frodo's betrayal.

Yeah, the truth is stranger than my own worst dreams: Frodo being sucked into Minas Morgal. Strange, horrific.

Oh, the darkness got a hold on me: The Ring takes Frodo over completely/Gollum is taken over and reaches for it.

The second chorus is from Sméagol's point of view.

I have seen what the darkness does, say goodbye to who I was: Sméagol knows what the darkness of the Ring did to him, what it turned him into, what it took from him.

I ain't never been away so long, don't look back them days are gone: been away from his home for so long, he looks back one more time, knowing he can never get back what he had, and then crawls into the cave, where he forgets.

Follow me into the endless night: Like Frodo lead him to get taken by the men, Sméagol leads Frodo to get taken by Shelob. It's a reciprocal act

I can bring your fears to life: Frodo's fear, being killed, unable to complete his mission, having the Ring stolen from him.

Show me yours, and I'll show you mine: Another of Frodo's fears -- being taken over by the Ring. Killing in the name of the Ring. That's why I showed Frodo choking Sméagol then stopping. And Sméagol's fear, the Ring being destroyed.

Meet me in the woods tonight: the same as how Frodo meant it. It's an offering, an invitation of coming together, whether it'll hurt them or not. And indeed it did.

Oooh, ladadada: Sméagol is taken over by Gollum. He can't allow the Ring to be destroyed.

Oooh, ladadada: Gollum attacks Frodo. Frodo chokes Gollum/Gollum chokes Frodo. Reciprocal, mirrored. Gollum's snarling face turns into Frodo's snarling face.

Oooh: They fight over the Ring, both their darkest selves. The last fight they'll have, the end to their relationship.

Meet me in the woods tonight, oooh: Flashbacks. Their offering, the invitation, their coming together, their bond, didn't only result in pain. Sméagol brings Frodo rabbits. They smile, they're happy together. Their was hope

Meet me in the woods tonight: And then it goes downhill. Frodo's perceived betrayal sets in motion a sequence of events that leads up to the end of their relationship. The rest of the song is "meet me in the woods tonight" repeated over and over. And I look at it as saying, "now the pain comes, it was in the offering"

Oh, meet me in the woods tonight: Sméagol's pain from the betrayal...

Oh, meet me in the woods tonight: Sméagol deciding to betray Frodo...

Oh, meet me in the woods tonight: Sméagol manipulating Frodo.

Then as the instrumentals fade out, we head back to Mordor, back to the present, where the two fall, and thus ends their relationship. Because, of course, poor Sméagollum fell. :(

[te-pu-si-ti]

Punchdrunk as hypertext

I am in the greenhouse room, and I clutch at my heart. What I see before me is a person in black latex receiving a drug on their tongue like holy communion. There are only two characters in the room: Kampe, and their dealer. But what I experience is much greater, because I can hear the music echoing: the music signalling that on the other side of the city, a city has fallen and a princess is dead, hanging up above, bare-chested and bloodied for all to see.

I remember her. It was her birthday, we danced with her, she stumbled into the arms of her lover.

I know this from an hour ago, before time reset.

I am in the flower shop, and I gasp. A tango is playing through the tinny speaker of the radio. The shopkeeper picks up a bouquet - her bouquet - and he twirls around, holding it in his arms, dancing a tango with a prop that is the start of Persephone's story, to the music that is the near-climax of her story.

I know this from months before, because I have been here before but it was different. It's different every time. There's so much to take in, and I have to choose who I see and what I focus on, and the context I bring with me is constantly developing.

That's a familiar criticism. Too many choices, no coherent story.

But Pope (2009) isn't a criticism of a Punchdrunk masked show - it's a criticism of a HTML novella, These Waves of Girls, hypertext, a story that you wade into by clicking through links. A story that leads you down many different paths, depending on how you choose to follow them.

Don't worry if you get lost - you're already lost. Embrace your curiosity. Turn your fear into desire. Fortune favours the bold.

The link is the most important new form of punctuation since the comma... Links make manifest the way texts relate to other texts, the way they structure themselves, and the way they restructure our thinking.

A reference to another scene, a repeated movement hearkens back to something you witnessed minutes ago, hours ago, weeks ago. A prop moves across buildings, touched by many hands along the way. Characters intersect, and you take a different path, thrown into another story before you reunite for a finale.

You ever gone down a Wikipedia rabbit hole? Clicking link after link, opening up a dozen new tabs, somehow finding your way from Scooby-Doo to Leukemia to learning the Yupik word for bread?

Her Story is an FMV video game where you uncover the story by searching a database of video clips for keywords. As you search for clues, things that don't make sense stick in your mind, because they might be important later. A new piece of information can cast something you've already seen in a completely new light.

You can stay with one thread, or you can let your curiosity guide you, bouncing around from one storyline to the next. It might not make sense at first, seeing everything out of order - but then as you make sense of it, you will form those connections, perhaps even more strongly than you would have done if you had watched a linear story that you didn't have to work for.

...the spaces of reading and writing shift in a hypertextual environment and the reader is required to adopt a mode of engagement in terms of an unstable textual terrain, which involves them in productive and creative processes as well as receptive ones...

"Because everything is constructed, everything becomes significant, in the artistic context everything ordinary becomes extraordinary." - Sam Booth

Uncle Buddy's Phantom Funhouse is a collection of digital and physical ephemera - notes, photos, lyrics, scribbles, all telling the story of this man you knew as Uncle Buddy, who has now died. You leaf through them, choosing what to pay attention to, taking away what you deem significant, building an image based on what he left behind.

 It does have an option to spell out the answer to the riddle if you want to skip that, but the significance might be lost in the process. ...

Description of Tamara, an example of theatre dubbed 'hyperdrama', theatrical hypertext.

"Punchdrunk's Sleep No More is an astonishing production that does nearly everything I had imagined hyperdrama could achieve, and much that I had assumed it could not." ... "The experience works here, but it is going to be different for everyone. How many people get to see Mrs. DeWinter’s scene? Of those, how many are in the bar when the band strikes up Paper Moon ? How many get the Woyzeck allusion the next day, or ever? This is the nature of the medium."

Seriously, read this article by Mark Bernstein.

 It’s not a game. Nothing you (or they) can do can prevent the fall of Troy or its terrible aftermath. Yet your choices (and chance) matter, and your reading of Those Trojan Girls is likely to differ from any other reading.

(hypertext is also, sadly, ephemeral, linked to its time and place. The above linked work is less than a decade old but I doubt I'd find what I need to read it, the right software and the right hardware of the right version with all the right features. Digital rot everywhere. Who has a floppy drive anymore? Who has Flash anymore? Just like nobody will experience The Burnt City anymore. Just like, soon, nobody will experience the McKittrick Hotel anymore.)

My first show: I see a man swinging upside down, hanging from the ceiling. The image haunts me. I do not know him, nor do I know the two onlookers. But it stays with me.

Many months later, I see him again, and he is an old friend - his name is Laocoön, a seer, and he is burdened with a prophecy from Apollo. Cassandra looks on, distraught, while the vengeful god puppets him. He is showing her the fate of her sister.

I remember her. It was her birthday. We danced with her. I watched her die, over and over and over. I remember every moment, every branching path, every intersection, and she isn't here, but she's all around us.

"There is no longer one author but two, as reader joins the author in the making of the text" - Jay David Bolter, "Literature in the Electronic Writing Space" "Go back into the light. Remember what you've seen... We love you so deeply. It's nothing without you." - Lily Jo Ockwell as Persephone, September 24, 2023

Lily photo by @rhianbwatts

[aksbe]

Oh you know that scene where ava falls and practically dies in front of bea in 5th ep? Did you notice that the song playing in the backround while beatrice holds ava is literally called:

and oh boy do i have a theory to why its their theme, so pull up spotify, youtube, apple music, your local singing bird choir, whatever and listen to this song on loop if you wanna know what im babbling about.

So why is it their theme?

The song starts off sounding so unsure, like its so new to both of them, its carefull, slow and so soft as if something would break if it was too loud or fast and in a way thats perfect for them. Their start was slow and their love was something new to both of them. Theres even these small notes mixed in the start which could symbolise the small moments those sparks that started it all.

If their relationship would have happened any faster i dont think it would have been the same, because yes, they're made for each other, but it just woudnt have worked out. The slow burn was what was needed for both of their character developments. Without that pining, without that jelousy or those moments and looks i dont think bea would have ever left the ocs later, because it could have easialy be swept under the rug as "just a fling, small temptation, nothing else". But with the slow burn its more like... she feels the love and she feels happy and it dosent bring her any pain untill she lost ava.

And for ava it was another new thing. So far ava has rushed trough new things, new experiences, enjoyed the moments and moved on. Like take JC, she rushed in and trough that relationship so fast, but ultimately we dont ever hear her mention him much after. It was just another new shiny thing she hadnt gotten to experience before. But now, with this build up, her slowing down, she starts to apprechiate the small things she now has, the small important moments with beatrice. Like when they danced in the club and the moment where she just looked at bea, really looked and i bet nothing else mattered for her in that moment.

In the second half of the song theres this build up which is like how their love was so slowly and delicately built moment upon moment and emotions upon emotions and ultimately at the end of the build up with the last high notes its their high point, every small building block being down, all those months of experiences just everything coming togheter and then one of the most purest forms of affection. A simple, beautiful kiss.

And the way the song fades out in the end... Their time being cut short. Their love tossed in the air, left to the wind because ava is gone(for now) and bea is left behind. But the sound lingers for so long that i cant help but believe theres still hope for both of them, and i think they believe the same.

Extra thoughts

Honestly i cant decide which came first in this case, was the piece written for that scene and later made the theme song or was it first their theme song...

See this song fits so well in that scene. Which makes me believe that it was first written for it. Like the fear at start and then bea feeling the pulse and thinking ava is dead, and comforting and asking her not to be dead, and then her being okay and alright and ending on the high point of "they cant beat us bea, not togheter." Which is such an important line!

Maybe they wrote it for that scene and realized how well it symbolised their relationship too.

Cant lie about the fact how sad sounding it is either. Which makes sense for the scene but also maybe a tiny bit for their relationship.

Its always been known how warrior nuns dont live long, the line where camila says "theyre never yours, they never last" perfectly shows the looming saddness and eventual ending to their arc in this season. How their love was, is and will be under the threat because any moment any one of them could die and the other would be left alone.

Of course these are all just my thoughts, and if you have different ones i happily welcome them in the comments, dms or even asks. <3

[aerospectrum]

edit: this was initially 3 short paras and then i lost control. random thoughts/character analysis of homelander under the cut; feel free to add your own thoughts or opinions if you see fit. these are just my own personal thoughts and opinions here I speak for nobody but myself 🫡🩵🔥 here is some listening music if you read along disclaimer: this is an rp related analysis so i talk about some shipping stuff too

one of the big reasons I like homelander and jamie together so much is because of the similarities i see between them both and I think think that makes their ship dynamic a bit more than just 2d for myself.

homelander/ john was created and forced into the spotlight from birth; he always has to be “on” for everyone and in the show it’s played out so well and lets the audience into this unspoken/unprocessed trauma that literally goes deeper than his childhood. I think of the scene where he looks in the file box and see's that they've even bagged his blanket up and call it a “prop”. It's like all he’s ever been to vought and the world is a prop. They have the control to send Homelander into a simultaneous spiral of self doubt and untamable rage: it gets them views, it reminds Homelander of his "place" it reminds him that he is a lab experiment, that everything special about him came from a fucking test tube and there's nothing he can do to change that. and when he starts to break free from their own little world of control and mind games it upsets them (but it forces them to recognize that he's nearly unstoppable and he can and will fight back when backed into the corner and they better watch their fucking backs). Homelander has his flaws, as does any good character and I think that's what I like about him.

Like he's a total asshole, a real dick who doesn't force himself to filter his shitty opinions or comments regardless of who it affects. We see that with the way he just freely lets people know that humans are toys that are there to be broken. That has got to be something that was hardwired into him as a kid anytime he made a mistake playing with another human and forgot his threshold is not at all the same as a humans. When he'd cry and feel remorse and empathy for those in pain; I think Vought cut that out of him, shamed him and made him feel less than for caring for those "less than him" and so of course he's grown to see himself as better than, to see humans as replaceable, expendable- useless toys that can be remade for his needs and desires. But I think there's a part of him still in there buried beneath all the darkness that wants human connection, wants worth and belonging. There's tons of scenes that prove this to me-- this man craves physical intimacy in the form of gentle touch and kind words, he was just abandoned so often that his depravity and douchebag external behaviors have become his security blanket.

In him embracing who they created him to be, suddenly he’s evil and malicious and needs to be killed. they created a “monster” and then got mad that it did exactly what they trained it to do. (For clarity homie is not a monster to me) he’s been abandoned by everyone and everything that makes a person “human” he was punished for his shortcomings, let down by everyone who should’ve done more and done better. And then they blame him for how he turned out and try to kill him at every single opportunity. He’s only out of control because there’s been no stability or security for him from anyone, anywhere, ever. It feels like fear is a big component or driving factor in how Homelander rationalizes his actions. 

So why do I see such similarities and enjoy the concept of shipping Homelander wiht Jamie Dutton from Yellowstone? Thanks for asking lmao. I'll jump right in. With Jamie Dutton we already know his birth dad was an abusive drunk who created a drug fueled addict out of his mother. John Dutton has no trouble telling Garrett to his face that Garrett punished his wife for becoming what he created her to be and then in a drug/alcohol fueled rage killed his mother when he found jamie had gotten ahold of her drugs-- he also passively states that if Jamie wants to allow Garrett to undo everything John made him to be then it was fair game and to go ahead. No decent parent views their child as a project they solely created- like some science project slapped together on the weekends. John Dutton for the record also has a savior complex though because he likes to play the part of a saint while being one of the most abusive fathers out there to all of his children, we just see it played out the most on screen with Jamie,

Garrett killing his wife gets him thrown in prison and Jamie is adopted out of obligation by none other than the states biggest name, John dutton, and john raises this kid to know that he’s not real family- he’s not loved or respected by him or the rest of his family. The proof of this is Beth yelling at her father to tell her that he ever cared about or loved Jamie the way he did her, Kayce, or Lee. So if the other children picked up on this fact I'm gonna be hard-pressed to believe Jamie didn't himself. And yet Jamie is expected to live up to and beyond the expectations and standards of John Dutton or suffer the consequences-- of which he's suffered a multitude of times already.

All Jamie wants is to be loved and to belong-- He has no sense of identity because that's how John raised him up. He was nothing but a means to an end, a tool and one that John spends his entire childhood berating in front of his siblings and everyone else watching. He disparages Jamie's accomplishments and character to anyone within listening distance constantly. Jamie was a good cowboy-- Rip has mentioned this a few times that Jamie was really good at what he did as a cowboy before John applied sneakily under the table to Ivy League College Harvard on the completely opposite side of the states and pushed Jamie as far away from the ranch as he legally could. He asks Jamie directly what he wants to be when he grows up and Jamie says, I wanna be like you dad, I wanna make you proud and run the Yellowstone like you and John laughs in his face and says the only way you'll be like me a protect the ranch is if you leave and do everything I tell you to do down to a T- don't stray, don't fuck up, do what I say and then you'll have a shot at being me. He lies through his teeth to this kid because he can't have someone who isn't blood in the line of inheritance.

Not only does John force Jamie to become the thing he hates most as a way to dangle the hope Jamie has of being loved in front of him, he vocally regrets and despises Jamie for it. Jamie operates out of abandonment a lot and begrudgingly becomes the best lawyer he can be- so much that he becomes the states attorney but only after John has spent full energy humiliating and punishing Jamie for daring to want more than what John will ever give him. Repeatedly, John yanks the respect and love right out of Jamie's reach anyway and every time. he ostracizes Jamie while demanding he not embarrass the Dutton family or name. When Jamie finally has enough and attempts having a backbone of his own John not only beats him up and has him disowned but agrees with his daughter that Jamie is his greatest failure in life and biggest disappointment.

They not only convince jamie not to kill himself but then they spend all their energy telling him he's a coward and weak minded and weakhearted and should kill himself it escalates to them saying that they will kill him. They created him to be the protector of their heritage; lineage, inheritance- everything he wasn't allowed to be a part of and when he's become what they forced him to be they still hate him and want him killed. 

Jamie breaks a window after his sister and father corner him in the kitchen. He screams that he’s given everything to this family and why isn’t it good enough and that he hates John. Later on his sister backs him into a corner- forces him to kill his birth father who surprisingly is the only one who genuinely loves Jamie and tells him to never let the Duttons convince him he's a bad man just because he's different from them. Then she threatens him with rape, prison, taking and hurting his child and finally with murdering him. But the narrative still wants you to believe that Jamie is the villain because he isn't a blood Dutton. They abuse this character over the span of 5 seasons and call his reactionary actions to the perpetual abuse wrong and abusive---why do they want me to view the victim of abuse as the victim-- that's fucked. Jamie operates a lot out of fear too and people think that it makes him spineless but it doesn’t. When you’ve been forced back in a corner all your life by pitchforks and fire eventually the fear breaks and you lash out in desperation. But they use that against him and consider him a villain for it. 

Jamie's storyline reminds me so much of Homelander asking Ryan “why am i not good enough for you?” Because his entire life he’s been forced into this worldview that he’s nothing more than a show animal or a puppet for the world to play with. Like Homelander laments; he does what people want they hate him... he doesn’t do what people want they hate him. He tries and he tries and he tries and it’s never good enough. But nobody ever stops to think he was raised from birth to be the way he is. There was no security for him, no warmth or care, no humanity nor humility for him to learn and grow from. Maybe he sees the way he could’ve been in Ryan and it opens up a wound in him like “but why couldn’t i have had a mother or father who loved me, who wanted me? Why did it always have to be “smile at the camera and do a trick?” Homelander was forced into to the dance monkey dance schtick and Jamie was forced to become the outlet of his families disgust and hatred. Therefore at the first signs of feeling anything other than fear, malice, self preservation, or disappointment they're incapable of accepting honest gestures of love from the people around them because it could all be a joke, it could be all for show and just a ruse- they could let their guards down and learn to love and be loved only for it all to be yanked away and the bright lights shined down on them in a display of "hahaha you idiot it was all fake!"

No matter what either of them do it’s never good enough and they both strike me as the carriers of the worst type of trauma from abuse and neglect, I just love my damaged me so deeply. Annnnyway that’s all. I mean there’s more but that’s all for rn because this is very long winded and I don’t want to be annoying lmao. 

[edge-oftheworld]

seeing all these luke interviews has really got me thinking about how sometimes there is good to be found in formative experiences also acknowledged to have been traumatising and how important it can be to really make sense of both. and I know this isn’t possible for everyone and some things are plain awful, but especially if you’ve been a ‘gifted’ unrecognised neurodivergent kid pushed past your limit (and then got rightfully angry and stood up to the people who pushed you into burnout) there’s cases where it’s important to acknowledge that too. finding beauty in hard things is often as rebellious as saying the things we’re told to chase aren’t satisfying and choosing self care instead.

before I speculate into something I really can’t speak to I’m gonna say how I’ve seen the need for that myself and I’m ready to celebrate and be grateful on my own terms. It’s always easy to hear stories of the band’s origins and think ‘what was I doing then’ because I moved away from sydney like a week or something after the band formed (and then didn’t hear about them til they opened for one direction, sometimes I wonder if I’d stayed local would that be different).

but even before then I had some really magical friendships who’ve survived the test of time, I’d abseiled down waterfalls and had adventures in the park-scattered suburbs and experienced the strange juxtaposition of haves and have-nots and contentment and gratitude but also fear and sheltering that you don’t really get in the same way anywhere but the suburban and peri-urban working class strip of Sydney’s west and south. and then I moved and soon learned to build anything I wanted to use for fun reasons or practical reasons. I learned how to basically run a farm and I learned how to gauge when it’s a good day to do laundry and I learned to be responsible for the lives of some of the beautiful animals we share this world with, helped renovate the house and dug clay out of the ground and made it into toy tea sets. saw a different set of haves and have nots, a different culture, a different way of approaching faith that isn’t too distinguishable until I needed something different and realised the way I grew up in those earlier years—that was different. I had an excellent education not only academically (though it was. still wild to think about—I had ideas and could go with them and that made something hard bearable. we used to write and record entire songs in high school music. messed around but also learned how to use patterns in maths and write entire short stories in upper primary. designed entire houses in high school graphics, learned how to solve global issues in geography, and proved how to get enough iron as a vegan in science, graduated with a dream to use all this to design places that look after people and the environment) but also from a perspective of being confident to be myself when that’s not always what capitalism would want. I got a weird mix of the western sydney work ethic meets suburban Brisbane satellite community tells zillennial children to dream big. got to learn all about the planet and how to care for it in uni. what kinds of study don’t work for my brain, and then later in postgrad ways that do. realising urban design is going to be the art form I give back with and I never lost my passion for it though I grew older and learned how to be more realistic but optimistic despite it—how it’s like I’m made for it and that’s so, so validating. played the xylophone in school when I lived in sydney and picked up the viola in brisbane, but it was my mum who taught me piano and music theory while my dad taught me woodwork and how to safely use ropes. I also learned how to care for people with the backing of community and religious groups, and how not to preserve myself in that, how sometimes I need to question power and theology to do better in it next time. and yeah I did get burnt out. really burnt out. made my brain sick and my whole body too is dealing with the fallout of that, it’s hard to function, it’s hard to take care of myself, when it’s been years of weathering experiences that were too hard, harder than I could keep up with, too many responsibilities at a young age, stacking up and each diminishing my ability to tackle the next. I did pick up some really bad self destructive habits. there’s been a lot that I’ve never been quite sure that I could survive when I always needed things individualistic society is unable to give and require a delicate balance of things beyond my control in order for my motivation not to drive me into the ground but also to not be frozen in fear and overwhelm so that I don’t meet any of my physical needs. things I’ve narrowly made it through, sometimes dangerously, when I have no idea to even explain the parameters around help I need and so end up going without, relying on chance and luck instead. but there was good among it too. skills I pick up in hindsight when I finally process something and realise, this is important to me, I think I can still do it, how can I prioritise working back up to it in a way that honours my limits?

and I guess I’m saying this because I’m not a global pop star or anything and my life has been a lot more normal and probably relatable for the average tumblr user. but some things remain the same and remain relatable and when I’m living my life advocating for preventing things like burnout and giving words to people to understand themselves and the kids of things they need—I’ll also advocate for having people believe in you, adults who seem naive, but teach them how to apply this to those who don’t fit some specific idea of talent and also to be validating of hard things while they do. for being out in the community and learning empathy and learning to get by with not much but also going for opportunities simply because you want to, and how as a community we can together take down the barriers that prevent it. and maybe it seems obvious or something but I’ve never been grateful for my youth before. It’s been too hard, too much what I was told to be by people who seemed almost wilfully ignorant of how much it cost me

[rivetgoth]

Seeing IAMX on acid was a completely insane experience that I don’t even know how to transcribe into written word. IAMX has been one of my favorite bands in the world since high school— it’s one of the only musical projects I have a tattoo inspired by. Chris Corner has always put on a killer live show (this is my third time seeing ‘em!) but this absolutely fucking takes the cake. Just… goddamn. I knew when I heard that new EP that something special was happening. Chris has seriously achieved new heights musically, visually, aesthetically, artistically.

Being on acid during the show felt transcendent and so intense and so real. I was fully IN it. I felt every single possible emotion. I felt very, very, VERY real complete and utter terror as Chris’ backing footage happened to absolutely perfect capture my biggest very obscure phobia (not even sure if that’s the right word for it—a form of imagery that deeply scares me). I felt like I was witnessing unspeakable horrors unfolding before me and it was so terrifying and exhilarating to bare witness and offer up my anxieties to this show and embrace being somebody who adores darkness and faces fear head on and embraces it as part of my lifestyle and driving force for excitement and inspiration and growth. And also being scared on acid is just fun lol.

Just… UGHH. Chris was this perfect slutty depraved cult leader on the stage, marching around and grabbing his crotch and reaching down to grab at the fans in the front row and dancing around in this crazy lit up horned bondage-y mask. The visuals were insane, both the backing footage (INSANE distorted fast moving flashing imagery that blended into each other) and the lights. IAMX’s live mixing is so, so much heavier and more intense and dark than the recordings will have you believe. Chris incorporating his modular synth into his music has totally reinvented it. The experimental heavy electronic danciness of it gets lost if you’re not in it, experiencing it in the moment… You can see exactly how Chris is friends with the Skinny Puppy crew when you see these shows live!! It was so good. I’m seriously barely able to comprehend it, that was incredible.

Uhm anyway I’m still tripping and this is prolly nonsense but I just had to try to write out some ov my thoughts umm yeah :)

[paladinkit]

In honor of my Poetry Month and my genuine curiosity... What's one of your favorite poems?

oh this is a great question! I narrowed it down to two and then couldn't pick between them ❤️

my favorite short poem, and the poem I recited when I proposed to my wife is by e. e. cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)                                                       i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true) and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

my favorite long poem, and genuinely my favorite work by J.R.R. Tolkien, is his poem Mythopoeia (below the cut for length!)

To one [C.S. Lewis] who said that myths were lies and therefore worthless, even though 'breathed through silver'.

Philomythus to Misomythus

You look at trees and label them just so, (for trees are 'trees', and growing is 'to grow'); you walk the earth and tread with solemn pace one of the many minor globes of Space: a star's a star, some matter in a ball compelled to courses mathematical amid the regimented, cold, inane, where destined atoms are each moment slain.

At bidding of a Will, to which we bend (and must), but only dimly apprehend, great processes march on, as Time unrolls from dark beginnings to uncertain goals; and as on page o'er-written without clue, with script and limning packed of various hue, an endless multitude of forms appear, some grim, some frail, some beautiful, some queer, each alien, except as kin from one remote Origo, gnat, man, stone, and sun. God made the petreous rocks, the arboreal trees, tellurian earth, and stellar stars, and these homuncular men, who walk upon the ground with nerves that tingle touched by light and sound. The movements of the sea, the wind in boughs, green grass, the large slow oddity of cows, thunder and lightning, birds that wheel and cry, slime crawling up from mud to live and die, these each are duly registered and print the brain's contortions with a separate dint. Yet trees are not 'trees', until so named and seen and never were so named, tifi those had been who speech's involuted breath unfurled, faint echo and dim picture of the world, but neither record nor a photograph, being divination, judgement, and a laugh response of those that felt astir within by deep monition movements that were kin to life and death of trees, of beasts, of stars: free captives undermining shadowy bars, digging the foreknown from experience and panning the vein of spirit out of sense. Great powers they slowly brought out of themselves and looking backward they beheld the elves that wrought on cunning forges in the mind, and light and dark on secret looms entwined.

He sees no stars who does not see them first of living silver made that sudden burst to flame like flowers bencath an ancient song, whose very echo after-music long has since pursued. There is no firmament, only a void, unless a jewelled tent myth-woven and elf-pattemed; and no earth, unless the mother's womb whence all have birth. The heart of Man is not compound of lies, but draws some wisdom from the only Wise, and still recalls him. Though now long estranged, Man is not wholly lost nor wholly changed. Dis-graced he may be, yet is not dethroned, and keeps the rags of lordship once he owned, his world-dominion by creative act: not his to worship the great Artefact, Man, Sub-creator, the refracted light through whom is splintered from a single White to many hues, and endlessly combined in living shapes that move from mind to mind. Though all the crannies of the world we filled with Elves and Goblins, though we dared to build Gods and their houses out of dark and light, and sowed the seed of dragons, 'twas our right (used or misused). The right has not decayed. We make still by the law in which we're made.

Yes! 'wish-fulfilment dreams' we spin to cheat our timid hearts and ugly Fact defeat! Whence came the wish, and whence the power to dream, or some things fair and others ugly deem? All wishes are not idle, nor in vain fulfilment we devise -- for pain is pain, not for itself to be desired, but ill; or else to strive or to subdue the will alike were graceless; and of Evil this alone is deadly certain: Evil is.

Blessed are the timid hearts that evil hate that quail in its shadow, and yet shut the gate; that seek no parley, and in guarded room, though small and bate, upon a clumsy loom weave tissues gilded by the far-off day hoped and believed in under Shadow's sway.

Blessed are the men of Noah's race that build their little arks, though frail and poorly filled, and steer through winds contrary towards a wraith, a rumour of a harbour guessed by faith.

Blessed are the legend-makers with their rhyme of things not found within recorded time. It is not they that have forgot the Night, or bid us flee to organized delight, in lotus-isles of economic bliss forswearing souls to gain a Circe-kiss (and counterfeit at that, machine-produced, bogus seduction of the twice-seduced). Such isles they saw afar, and ones more fair, and those that hear them yet may yet beware. They have seen Death and ultimate defeat, and yet they would not in despair retreat, but oft to victory have tuned the lyre and kindled hearts with legendary fire, illuminating Now and dark Hath-been with light of suns as yet by no man seen.

I would that I might with the minstrels sing and stir the unseen with a throbbing string. I would be with the mariners of the deep that cut their slender planks on mountains steep and voyage upon a vague and wandering quest, for some have passed beyond the fabled West. I would with the beleaguered fools be told, that keep an inner fastness where their gold, impure and scanty, yet they loyally bring to mint in image blurred of distant king, or in fantastic banners weave the sheen heraldic emblems of a lord unseen.

I will not walk with your progressive apes, erect and sapient. Before them gapes the dark abyss to which their progress tends if by God's mercy progress ever ends, and does not ceaselessly revolve the same unfruitful course with changing of a name. I will not treat your dusty path and flat, denoting this and that by this and that, your world immutable wherein no part the little maker has with maker's art. I bow not yet before the Iron Crown, nor cast my own small golden sceptre down.

In Paradise perchance the eye may stray from gazing upon everlasting Day to see the day illumined, and renew from mirrored truth the likeness of the True. Then looking on the Blessed Land 'twill see that all is as it is, and yet made free: Salvation changes not, nor yet destroys, garden nor gardener, children nor their toys. Evil it will not see, for evil lies not in God's picture but in crooked eyes, not in the source but in malicious choice, and not in sound but in the tuneless voice. In Paradise they look no more awry; and though they make anew, they make no lie. Be sure they still will make, not being dead, and poets shall have flames upon their head, and harps whereon their faultless fingers fall: there each shall choose for ever from the All.

[binniesoob]

— THE STORYLINE 2: ATEEZ STORY (canon, until The World 1)

I recommend listening to the playlists below for the full experience while reading! (links to the music videos are going to be included in this post though)

Spotify

Youtube

⚠️ some songs included in the playlists are headcanon and I'm going to talk about them later in another post, so I recommend you to skip them while reading this part if they are not mentioned :)

LET'S START OUR LONG JOURNEY, SHALL WE?

We start our story in the Universe A. Through the Zero: Fever Part. 1 'Diary Film' (paired with the diary entries from the Fever 1 album), we see the struggles that each member has been dealing with, how the group was born, and how being part of it helped with overcoming them.

TW: mentions of depression and death.

Hongjoong is ignored by his family members that are all scattered around. He is lonely and fears being forgotten as if he never existed. He's desperate for something to capture his family attention, hopefully resulting in reuniting it. When the group is formed, the group actually becomes his new real family. They all make music together in their hideout, an abandoned shed.

Yunho had a brother that was passionate about music, he was involved in an accident that costed him his life. When the group is formed, Yunho finds an opportunity to continue his brother's dream, but he also find a person similar to his brother, someone he can seek support and comfort in: Hongjoong.

Seonghwa sees a girl dancing freely with her earphones on: the world and its rules didn't have power over her in that moment, and that made something click inside him. Since then, music never sounded the same again. When the group is formed, he finds his way of being free.

Wooyoung is passionate about dancing but gets anxious when he has to perform in front of others. He meets Hongjoong, Seonghwa and Yunho at a street performance. When he danced with them, he wasn’t self-conscious and was able to deliver his best. They support him and help him overcome his stage fright.

San had to move several times and was never been able to establish stable friendships. When he moves to the city where the other members live, he meets them and finally finds real friends he can confide in. Moreover, thanks to Wooyoung, he improves his dancing skills.

Mingi seems to be suffering from depression. In his diary entry from Fever Ep1 he says:

"Music was my heaven, my escape, my one and only relief. When I felt like dying, I would listen to music. I wasn’t afraid of death! People who never lived in poverty would never understand this feeling. People around me looked at me as if I were an alien from another planet, laughing at an immature high school student wanting to die. I guess it is uncommon for someone my age to feel that way."

He didn't have any friends, but he was in the same class as Wooyoung through elementary to high school. Wooyoung approached him, they became friends, and finally brought him to the hideout where he met the others.

Jongho was a basketball player but injured his ankle, resulting in the impossibility to continue on with this path. He had everything planned and lost himself after losing his dream. When the group is formed, he finds a new purpose.

Yeosang is the last one to join the group. His parents had everything planned for him, all he had to do was met their expectations. To escape routine, he stars dismantling and reassembling instruments. One day, while he is outside, he's attracted by the music coming from the hideout: he enters and meets the members and they ask him if he knows how to work a drone. He starts hanging out with them, dancing and making music together, and he feels alive for the first time.

The backgrounds of the members are also hinted through the intro 'Dear Diary: 2016.07.29', lyrics:

Dear Diary transitions into Fever (click for english lyrics). The boys, now a group, start hanging out at their hideout. They dance and make music, and through it they express and talk about their struggles. As Hongjoong himself said, Fever 1 focuses on these events.

We can connect Fever with another scene seen in the Diary Film (minute 12:33) and explained in Fever Ep1 diary entries: Jongho and Mingi have a fight because of Mingi's fear of them not being able to make their dream come true. After, they all divide to go back home. Yeosang backs out and, as it is then revealed in his diary entry in the form of a letter to his father in Fever 2 (read here), his father disapproved of Yeosang's new dream and closed the hideout.

In another scene from the Diary Film (minute 4:37), we see Wooyoung participating in a dance battle. He is able to perform and fight his stage fright thanks to what the other members said to him to encourage him. This is where Good Little Boy and To The Beat (that can be heard during the clip) fit.

After the dance battle, Wooyoung comes back to the hideout only to find it closed.

All the members are discouraged and separated again. The groups scatters, as Hongjoong explains in the Fever Ep1 diary outro.

How are the members going to reunite?

As it can be seen in the beginning and in the ending of the Diary Film, Hongjoong is alone in the hideout, where he managed to enter again, and he dreams a man in a black fedora who gives him the Cromer:

The man in the black fedora, whose eyes you could only see through his mask, a somehow familiar, but tired eyes. “You lost your dream not because of the tough reality, but because you guys decided to. Get rid of the idea that the world you see is everything. There are many dimensions and many realities in this world. The world I am in, the world you are in, are all real. I want to tell you everything, but I don’t have much time right now.”

“What is this?”

“The Cromer. The key to connecting the world.” He had a shining hourglass in his hand.

This little hourglass was the key to connecting the world? I carefully picked up the Cromer. At that moment, the man went back a few steps and spat out his last words. “Follow your heart, the map is there.”

When I looked back up from the Cromer, the man was already gone.

When Hongjoong wakes up, the Cromer is in front of him. He turns it and then he hears steps, all the other members appear at the same time in the hideout: Hongjoong teleported them there using the Cromer.

Now, the first title track that we can finally talk about it's INCEPTION

Through the music video, we see the members dancing together and open up about their struggles.

We see Hongjoong in the hideout (the members became his family), Yunho in his brother room, Seonghwa in the place where he saw the girl, Wooyoung in the place where the dance battle happened, San that had to constantly move, Mingi isolated, Jongho who had to give up his basketball dream, Yeosang surrounded by feathers.

In particular, the symbolism of the birds associated with Yeosang is going to be seen often. The first time it was included in a scene of the Diary Film (minute 7:16) where Yeosang is surrounded by white birds in cages. It clearly represents Yeosang being like a bird in a cage because of his parents expectations. In Inception the feathers are free and flying around: it represents Yeosang now free to choose his path.

At the end of the mv we see Hongjoong running at the copy of himself laying on the bed, only to end up in another room while waking up the others. This is what we explained earlier with the Diary Film, it's just done through symbolism: Hongjoong is asleep dreaming the man in the black fedora, when he wakes up he has the Cromer and the other members are suddenly with him again.

Next we have Thanxx: Ateez start to rebel, to refuse to just obey adults instead of finding out their path on their own (click on the title to read english lyrics). At the end of the music video we have a parade with a ship and whales in the sky: the group is about to start their jouney as pirates.

Whales are commonly associated with inner truth, physical and emotional healing, importance of family and community, emotional rebirth, communication: "As a totem, the whale teaches you about listening to your inner voice, understanding the impact your emotions have on your everyday life, and following your own truth. When the whale enters your life, it may be time to closely examine where you are, the actions and emotions that have brought you to this point, and what you can do to alleviate existing drama and unrest and find peace. Those who have the whale as their animal totem are in touch with true reality. They are nurturers and go-getters who understand there is more to this life than meets the eye." (source)

Connects pretty well with Thanxx and Fever Ep1 in general, right?

Now, in the last clip we see the ship that sailed with the intro of Fireworks (I'm the One) in the background 👀 why is that? To explain we need to add some extras not included in mvs!

At the end of 2021 Ateez had an online concert to close the Fever era, called XR Show Fever: the eXtended edition, where lore scenes were included. From now on, we are going to mention the concert a few times.

In this scene at minute 1:42 of the concert clips, we can see the members reunited in the hideout joking around and dancing together.

Plot hole: they are singing and dancing to Eternal Sunshine, so my first thought was "this is where it fits!", and you might have too, but, considering its lyrics and music video, I don't think so, I think it actually fits later in the storyline. They might have started writing it at this point of the storyline though. Anyway, I'm going to talk about it later on in the post dedicated to headcanons.

Now, back to the canon storyline.

They turn the Cromer (minute 3:55) and they have a dream about being in a desert dressed in black fedoras: they dream of being Halateez, that they still don't know, so this is a premonition. What are Halateez doing there?

The boys are once again in the hideout and, as it is also narrated in the diaries from Fever 2, the members are interrupted by the attack of a man dressed in white who wants the Cromer. Hongjoong throws a bottle to distract him and the members use the Cromer for the first time to move through universes.

We now enter Universe Z !!

Ateez find themselves in Universe Z: they are still not aware of it but, since the surroundings are similar to those of their universe, they are able to move around. Men dressed in white like the one in the hideout attack them in the woods and succeed in taking the Cromer, Ateez are rescued by two siblings who call themselves Grimm. The boy explains that the girl can't speak because the white men took away her voice. He also explains that this world is called Strictland because the government established a stable policy that puts the blame on human emotions for causing crimes and terrorism. Consequentially, they banned arts and music.

Here things start to get twisted because it's where Ateez and Halateez stories intertwine. I'm going to try my best to explain things the easiest way possible based on what info we need now, and later we are gonna go back and connect the dots, trust me 🤓

The siblings continue their narration: one day, men in black fedoras started to appear. They sung and performed in the streets to awaken emotions in people once again: other rebels started to appear and they formed a resistance, calling themselves the Black Pirates. Yes, this refers to Hala Hala!

Now, in terms of chronological order of the storyline, since Hala Hala is in the Halateez past but we are following the Ateez chronological order of the storyline, as Hongjoong said himself, it doesn’t fit here (yet). Same thing with the next song I'm gonna mention.

The government repeatedly failed to arrest the Black Pirates due to them being able to teleport using the Cromer. That's why they created the Android Guardians - the white men who attacked Ateez and took the Cromer - and thanks to them, they succeeded in capturing the men in black fedoras.

Remember when before Ateez dreamed themselves in black fedoras in the desert? Desire is the song that talks about Halateez being in the grip of illusions (we are going to explain in a second what are they caused by) and captured, as it is shown in the Desire performance at the XR Show Fever: the eXtended edition.

So, to go back to Universe A, our boys need the Cromer: the siblings reveal that the Android Guardians probably took it to their bunker, but the only person who knows where its position is is Left Eye, the manager of the Strictland dump. 

Ateez go to the dump where trash is continuously being burned, producing a yellow smoke that causes hallucinations - yup, the illusions that affect Halateez in Desire! The group decides to divide: one subunit is going to look for the Grimms girl's voice to thank the siblings, while the other one is going to talk to Left Eye and try to locate the Android Guardians bunker.

Fires, yellow smoke, dump... anything familiar? It's the Fireworks (I'm The One) music video of course!

The girl voice is hidden in a cave, Jongho wears a gas mask to protect himself from the smoke but something goes wrong and he has an hallucination, a deja-vu of him playing basketball. Yeosang understands something is wrong and enters the cave saving him.

Meanwhile, the others have a confrontation with Left Eye, who lost his daughter because of the new order of the society, and hasn't been able to grief because of the hallucinations. Yunho is the one confronting and helping him: since he lost his brother he can empathise with him. They take Left Eye to a place where the smoke is thin and he comes to his senses.

Now that Left Eye is able to explain himself, he reveals that the Android Guardians bunker is in an island. The group reunite, the Grimm girl has her voice again, Left Eye procures a ship: it is now...

...Intro: Long Journey, Pirate King and Treasure o'clock 😌. Ateez sailed for their first journey in search of their first treasure: the Cromer. In the music videos we see them in the abandoned island where the bunker is:

Left Eye and the siblings wait in the ship while Ateez enter the bunker. It's in fact an old gallery, full of art pieces and artifacts that were banned from the city. They go towards the exhibition, where they find the men in the black fedoras, Halateez, in glass prisons. Hongjoong's gets close to one and... (From the Fever 3 diaries)

I threw myself to the glass wall. It did not move. I bumped into it again. The man finally heard the noise and saw me. “Finally, you are here.” He said, and he barely took off his mask. As I saw his face, I was in shock. He was me. The man had exactly the same face as mine.

“Listen, we called you here.” In the midst of these strange incidents, I could only shake my head. “We are captured here, and somebody has to do our work. You may have noticed it. This world needs a change.”

“Why does it have to be us? Why do we share the same face?” I kept questioning him and tried to break the glass wall between us. But not even a small crack.

“I don’t have enough time to tell you the whole story. We are going to be seen by the guardians when the smoke fades. Do what I do.” The man put his hand on the glass wall and told us to copy him. So we put our hands like he did. “We all face walls. Sometimes we think that our lives would be happier without walls but that is not true. If we earn things easily, we could lose them easily.”

The man and I faced each other, and I felt some indescribable energy swirling near us, regardless of this unbelievable reality - the men with the same faces as us, endless questions about this world and everything. Soon after, we were wearing their black suits without even noticing.

Halateez explain that what the Android Guardians actually burn are memories of people, that's why the yellow smoke produces hallucinations related to memories, like we saw with Jongho incident before at the dump. San tries to save some of the memories and Seonghwa shouts that he can't see Yeosang anymore: he found the Cromer and the Android Guardians are running after him.

He runs to the members but gets captured, so he throws the Cromer to Hongjoong. Initially, the group thinks of exchanging Yeosang with the Cromer, but they have no guarantee that the Android Guardians are not going to capture them, so Yeosang begs the members to leave him behind and escape with the Cromer. The members don't want to, so they throw the sandglass back at the Androids. Yeosang is the one that catches it though: he turns it and breaks it to make sure that the Guardians are not able to follow Ateez. Hongjoong reaches for Yeosang hand but he doesn’t succeed in taking him away with them.

Familiar? All of this can be seen in the Say My Name and Deja-vu music videos!

(Contrary to Hala Hala & Desire, Say my name does fit here because we see Ateez meeting Halateez, and not just Halateez.)

NB: Deja vu also has some scenes that still don't fit the storyline, as you'll probably recognise once you rewatch it after reading this.

The plot hole in between Deja-vu and the next songs is now filled once again by the diaries (Fever Epilogue).

Ateez are feeling discouraged and hopeless after leaving Yeosang behind. They are back in the hideout and realise that they didn't return to their present time Universe A, but in the past, before Yunho’s brother incident. They don't know how to go back to Universe Z to save Yeosang, until Seonghwa sees the Cromer in a picture of an article featuring the attempted robbery of the Mayan relic exhibited at the National Museum of Korea, ‘The Hourglass that Captures the Lunar Movement’.

This attempted robbery was the work of three believers of Sciensalvar, a religion established in 1999 by a scientist named Henry Jo, who frequently mentioned a Mayan relic, an hourglass whose energy condensed inside of it imitates the moon’s movement: the Cromer uses the moon to travel through Universes.

Hongjoong proposes to steal the Cromer and use it to go save Yeosang. The members, after giving some thought, one by one start to agree with the plan. Not Yunho though, who wanted to stay and reunite with his brother and not lose him again. They respect his decision and leave for the museum.

Yunho is together with his brother when the two see the members being held hostage by Henry Jo on the tv news: Yunho takes his old motorcycle and orders his brother to stay inside, no matter what.

Ateez and Henry Jo's confrontation is interrupted by Yunho’s arrival: thanks to the confusion created by his group of motorcycle friends, Ateez is able to take the cromer away from Henry Jo and escape with the riders. But the scientist follows them with a car, provoking an incident where Yunho’s brother, who was was heading towards the museum after seeing Yunho’s motorcycle on the news, dies. The past couldn't be changed.

Ateez use the Cromer once again.

Yeosang is in the Guardians bunker, imprisoned in a glass cell like Halateez were, and he's not the only one: members of the resistance, supporters of the Black Pirates, were stolen of their biological energy and covered with a black veil when not alive anymore. Among them there are the Grimm siblings.

Suddenly, the door of the bunker is thrown open: Ateez, dressed up as Halateez, are fighting the Android Guardians. Seonghwa's voice calls Yeosang.

Yeosang's rescue can be seen in the Kingdom performance of Answer: Ode to Joy, track included in the Fever Epilogue album.

Once Ateez come back to the Strictland Black Pirates hideout, they discuss with Left Eye and decide to start working in Halateez's place by attacking and getting students out of a school where they are brainwashed by the Strictland government. This can be seen in The World Movement official trailers (2 and 1) and the Guerrila mv. Other songs referencing to it are Sector 1 and the intro Propaganda.

According to the lyrics, Cyberpunk talks about Strictland and its lies, The Ring is about the guerrillas (fights) between Ateez and the Strictland government, and finally New World sees Ateez singing and talking to people that are no more under the government brainwashing.

And this where the canon stops, for now ☝👀

To recap, the canon song order at the moment is:

Dear Diary: 2016.07.29

Fever

To The Beat

Good Little Boy

Inception

Thanxx

Fireworks (I'm The One)

Intro: Long Journey

Pirate King

Treasure

Say My Name

Deja vu

Answer: Ode to Joy

Cyberpunk

Sector 1

Propaganda

Guerrilla

The Ring

New World

—

> MASTERLIST

[nuklearis-sutotok]

Talking to my sister I realized something that I want to say especially if you are interested in pursuing music (or any of the arts) in any way shape or form, and as someone in the field, as a tutor and a future professor, as an archivist, I think it's important to fight back against some very, very bad ideas that have taken root.

The idea that music is an exclusive club and you should be born knowing how to play is very new and entirely ridiculous to the point of absurdity.

No one is born knowing how to do anything but breathe. Sometimes even that's a stretch. Artists are people who spent years training mental muscles and hand eye coordination. Of forming unique pathways in their brain.

And like any artist, musicians were born of a servant class, that's why they still wear black suits as a homage to that. A lot of the shift from this into a weird idea of upper crust music schools and every other person with a music degree acting like a snotty French waiter is born of things like civil rights discrimination. A way to shove people out. If you think you're not good enough that's someone trying to trample on your creativity because they're not secure themselves. Music, like art, should always be encouraged, whether you can ever reach a professional level or not, whether anyone thinks you are good or not, because art and music are both things that can be learned with time and practice even if you think you have no innate talent. it doesn't matter how old you are, it doesn't matter if you maybe can't play something a traditional way. This is a fundamental aspect of humanity and anyone who tries to squash it should be kicked straight in the ass.

The people running into doorways they can't see through their nostrils need to realize they are not the aristocrats they think they are. They remain servants at the end of the day. Almost nothing has changed in our field, in our role, we are paid, sometimes in cash, sometimes in experience, to teach you. Instead I have heard some professors tell some of their students after only a few weeks that they are wasting their time. What manner of instructor are you? Besides a lousy one? Music, art, writing, it is all a gift. We may play or write for ourselves, but patronage isn't something that stopped existing, it just shifted sources. It's been lost sight of. (If this makes you think of the writer's strike, every artist deserves to be fairly compensated for their work and to be able to pay their bills and eat with the craft they hone for themselves and to share with the world. I am 1000000% behind it and stand with them.)

So what do you need?

45 minutes a day. That's what one of the most famous piano instructors in the world told me and recommended to all of his students. Just 45 minutes of dedicated practice and being patient with yourself. Of slow corrections and putting things together. Of studying theory and the works of others. Of pedagogical approach. Of keeping an open mind. Anything above that is just for fun, don't wear yourself out. The need for competition is new, the idea that it's all a competition is new, it isn't. Stop the competition nonsense unless competition is what you're chasing. Stop the pressure that is dragging up the fear. Some artists are not even in it for the performance aspects, they're here for other reasons.

Music and instruments and art don't belong to just a select group. That's society's bs. Instructors who think otherwise are failing all they should be standing for. For those who may never sound quite right or may never make it in the wide field of performance, the music itself should never be barred from you. If you need music or art help or writing tips, come see me, and if someone is telling you that you shouldn't try, give 'em a finger. You wouldn't stop them from trying, would you? Why let them stop you?

[wordsinhaled]

No okay but I was just listening to Dead Club from Tunng for the billionth time and I'm just getting .so many Dreamling Feelings from all of the songs. Possibly even hobrintheus from Eating The Dead. And I say this so much but Woman and Man hits me right in the Hob Feels. Specifically these lines from Woman, and everything from Man, maybe you have some insight into them 😂

'Someone might read your body like a book. \\ Kata was cared for, had a varied diet, and was buried wrapped tightly in cloth.' ... 'Someone might read your body like a book. \\ Unearthed, undead again. \\ What we know is Kata had little thoughts, all the time. \\ Then stopped. Like us. \\ She made a hand sign, asking us "let me rest". \\ And she made it. And made it. \\ And alas we will not.'

okay, so i got this ask while i was half-awake early this morning and absolutely have ever since just been vibrating with emotion because... i just fucking love tunng and their music. this album in particular is so meaningful and important to me. dead club as an album and as a concept is just so... augh, incredible. i can't recall if it was you i spoke with about tunng before but... i basically had to, like... wait until i'd had breakfast and a beverage to be able to speak coherently about all the thoughts i have about the songs on dead club, asdhfhg. i have now had sustenance and i'm still not entirely sure i'm gonna be able to say everything i think, but i will try!

so first of all, like... i don't know if i talk about it much on here actually, but i am in so many ways an existentialist at heart. it's also one of my two main theoretical orientations as a therapist. it's something that just, i guess, vibes with my soul in a way; to contend with these fundamental aspects of our existence that can be so scary and daunting, and yet when examined closely can bring so much clarity and newfound purpose. and there is so much of that on this album, so much of that grappling with freedom and responsibility and mortality. so much memorializing and documenting of the smallest units of people's humanity too - in cups of tea and counted breaths and the struggle against darkness through the search for joy and meaning.

like, this album is just everything i care about as a person. there is so much love wrapped up in it. it's somber but still somehow uplifting in its realness and frankness.

something about that song in particular just... the way it describes the experience of such a profound yet everyday love that it actually transcends death, but in a way that is so organic and not metaphysical at all and thus - it is a preservation of memory attainable to everyone - because everyone has access to these little mundane moments in the lives of their loved ones—fights big and small, cups of tea, lovemaking, breakfast, movie nights... the visceral experience of shared memory and how it lives on in organic ways. in the way we stand, sit, and move about our space and world in the wake of our loved ones.

the experience of just. how loved ones imprint themselves on our hearts and souls so fundamentally that it is as though we have consumed them, absorbed them irreversibly into ourselves even once they are no longer in our lives (by death or other forms of leaving). and this idea that love is powerful and baffling and clarifying and as cleansing as death—it is a dying of the individual self and a giving over of the self into the partial keeping of another—once you have lost a person you would hold on to even the smallest aspect of them, even the unfavorable parts, to make them more real, more tangible again.

the title of my hob playlist comes from "eating the dead" (all the business of living)... the idea of living memory, generations of it held inside a single body, i think would really resonate for him. the coming to terms with death and dying, and the loss of his fear of it. his experience of life as a progression of memories compartmentalized and held in his heart, each person he has ever been living on within him, each person he has ever loved deconstructed and consumed. perhaps he still has bits of eleanor in his modern handwriting. perhaps he preserves the memory of his mother in his bread recipe. sense memory, tangible memory. perhaps each time he drinks a specific type of ale he thinks of his stranger. he holds on to the clothes and mannerisms and memories of hundreds of people long-gone, and he will never be gone, but he sometimes has to deconstruct and consume bits of himself. the permutations of his last name, gadling, gadlen, golding, and then gadling again once it's been long enough. the way he remembers himself each time dream calls him hob even when there is no one else left alive who first knew him by that name. the way he remembers and memorializes dream - the way maybe he kept the gloves and the hat from 1889, how he reinvents himself but always holds a space for dream in his heart. how he builds the new inn as a space for their living memory to continue.

faith, that takes me back.

and "woman" is so incredible as well. it really speaks to me about how we can look back at the past and shake hands with it because we are not so far removed despite the many many intervening years, generations, eons that compact humanity back down into atoms and carbon. that the sentiments are relatable, that the lived experiences were different but not so different. and about the types of knowledge that we have lost through time and regained through our conversation with the past. about the context that is lost in history. how we build over it. how we redefine it and commodify it and remove the agency of the dead through superimposing our modern impressions onto them. thinking about how we all come back to the same atoms. someone might read your body like a book. and the way that it reminds us that even our small stories are important, can be the evidence of our existence long into the future, that we will be one day the components and building blocks of future lives, even long past our own ability to know it.

i'll stop here, but THANK YOU so much for stopping by and please feel free to talk more to me about this or anything else that springs to mind <33333

[nyx-sagau-dreams]

Hi there I go by Voidless! (She/They, albeit I'm fine with whatever). Welcome to the SAGAU space, I hope you can find some happiness here. Probably monoamorous and would prefer guys for this ask (with the exception of Childe)

To put it bluntly: I’m a child at heart, and fairly observant. It's not a challenge to figure out what someone’s feeling or thinking, their motives ect.

● I tend to be forthright with my emotions

● ENFP

● I like sharing bits of knowledge and fun anecdotes!

● Can be overly enthusiastic when socializing

● I’ve also gotten insecure, and assumed others don't like/distrust me without basis, proceeding to form an image in mind that's not true to who they really are. At the same time though it's really hard for me to judge a person for their past or secrets, I like to think I've seen it all

● From the outside, I’ve been described as being like Zhongli (Serious, goes on tangents and socially awkward). Very much enjoy flirty folk though, they make me feel loved

●Likes: museums, cool rocks, having a good laugh, travelling, anemo and electro slimes, civilizations of antiquity, and shopping

Hobbies: Anything under the sun! I sincerely wish I could live forever to do everything. I love to sing and tell stories and invoke the imagination. Also write and enjoy astronomy!

● I'm not unique, but I really do fear death. I can't live just to die. I still have plenty I want to experience and not enough time. Isolation is also terrifying, just being alone with your thoughts forever. But the scariest thing has to be dandelion leaves. Yeah.. I really don’t know either.

As for a scenario: How about recounting eachothers life stories. It'd be a moment of trust, relying on one another letting the wind take care of our burdens

Thank you so much for asking!

I have matched you with: Venti!

Venti can also be childish yet observant. He loves music, and is also afraid of death. And, as an Archon, he is far less likely to die than almost anyone else.

You said that you enjoy flirty people, and I think, in the right situations, Venti can be a HUGE flirt.

Venti is a very reassuring person, and I feel like even if he's having to keep secrets, he'd assure you that they won't come between you.

He's very physically affectionate. Venti tells a lot of stories through songs, and I'm sure he would tell you more and more jokes just to hear your laugh.

--

"... and so that's how I ended up in Mondstadt," you finished, waving your hand dramatically at the sky. You turned your head to Venti, who was laying on the ground next to you. "And the rest is history."

Venti snorted. "Not yet, but someday it will be."

"Okay fine, someday. But what about you?"

Venti laughed a quiet, solemn laugh. "My life is a bit hard to sum up, sweet songbird. Let me see." He raised his fingers off and started counting off on them. "I was born, helped in a rebellion when I was pretty young, lost a friend..." He went on for quite some time. "And then there was that whole deal with Dvalin and the traveler. That was a rough time."

You giggled. "You sound a thousand years old," you teased, fully aware as to why.

"Hmm, I can't imagine what reason that might be for."

A peaceful silence fell between the two of you. Venti laced his fingers with yours. "Should you ever feel afraid or worried, love. I'll be here."

You squeezed his hand. "And I will be here for you," you replied, free hand brushing on the glowing teal tattoo on your occupied wrist.

-end-

(I'm sorry if the scenario is really short, I'm not used to writing for Venti 😅)

[prismatic-dreaming]

"i love you more than the stars"

hi there! i'm astra and this is my oc blog! asks are open and i'll also do my own miscellaneous writings on occasion. likely some reblogs of whatever i think matches a character's vibes/reminds me of them too. oc descriptions/tags are below and will be categorized by universe! any posts with me talking will be tagged #astra talks

Baldur's Gate 3

ehe my current fixation

🌙Seraphine (Sera)

Tav she/her ✧ 24 ✧ tiefling ✧ draconic bloodline sorc ✧ acolyte Romance: Karlach (tho i also ship her with Shadowheart) Story Progression: Complete Route: Good Deity: Selune Sera's a sweet girl, with the general philosophy of trying to help people out wherever she can. When her powers awakened when she was little, they overwhelmed her, nearly killing her. The conflict between her infernal fire and draconic ice was nearly too much for her, but she was saved by the members of the Selunite enclave near Baldur's Gate.

🗡Euphoria (Euphie)

Dark Urge she/they ✧ ??? ✧ tiefling ✧ bardlock ✧ haunted one Romance: Shadowheart Story Progression: End of act 2 Route: Redeemed/Let's Not give into the Urges This bitch is trying so hard to be a good person and give off the impression of being the hero they've been thrust into being but they. are not. She's trying her best. My pathetic little meow meow. Uses music as a coping mechanism. Full of thoughts of murder and fear and self loathing.

🪐Vultsquest

a space campaign i've been playing for many years now that hosts a wide variety of planets and people. run by a friend who doesn't use tumblr.

🌌 Celeste Drakkina (#celeste, #celeste drakkina, #celeste chats)

✨ she/her ✧ 20s ✧ aldrakion ✧ musician & philanthropist ✨ my sweet adorable little dragon with catgirl energy. a traveling musician and philanthropist who's stumbled into a chaotic and at times, exhausting adventure in an attempt to save various planets and the galaxy as a whole. an absolute softie and very sweet. moonlights as the pop idol dreampop dragon (or simply dream). engaged to neve and zelda/evie, who belong to a friend. poly lesbian. ✨the one in the header image

🌟 Althea Rehm (#thea)

💎 she/they ✧ 20s ✧ nephilim ✧ doctor & researcher 💎 oh no you fucked up look what you did she has anxiety my nervous little science girlie who has anxiety from living in a dystopian surveillance state! its ok though she's been working in the rebellion as a doctor and researcher of the strange magic crystals referred to as "shards." very curious, prone to getting caught up in her work, and very passionate about it. socially inept but tries her best and is very sweet. best friends with perse, dated neve and zelda. ace lesbian. 💎 comes in 2 flavors: either pre-canon before she died or a speculative post-canon where she gets better. 💎 the one in the pfp (older design, she's a deer girl now)

🔥 Persephone Adar (#perse)

☙ she/he ✧ 20s ✧ nephilim ✧ ☙ sometimes you gotta make a hotgirl and shes mine. literally! she has fire powers. an absolute icon. a member of the rebellion who works in both nursing and as a therapist. she is not actually qualified to be one but you kinda get what you get in a dystopia. can be a bit blunt, likes to joke around with people, but deeply loyal and cares a great deal about those close to her. ☙ she was also the affair child of a corrupt politician and found to be useful in covering up her half sister's powers so she grew up as a personal servant to her. until she found out, lashed out, ran away to the rebellion before she got herself killed, nearly died in the process. but she met thea and they managed to survive, get rescued, and make it there together. they've been friends ever since.

species info:

aldrakion: custom part-dragon species. was created in a series of supersoldier experiments, though only one successful subject capable of transforming into a full draconic form was ever created. and then immediately lost lmao. that's celeste! she had no idea about this for a while. the project and its perpetrators have been taken down and brought to justice, and the subjects freed. demon: a bit different flavor of demon than your traditional sort, it's a species with a wide amount of variety in forms, which are constructed by the individual once they reach maturity. they also can possess various sorts of powers, which vary based on the individual, but are rare. nephilim: the product of reproduction between a demon and a human. tend to possess humanoid forms, and cannot decide their appearance at maturity. however, they are more likely to have powers.

📜 Dlennverse

world is by @imasyd

🌕 Yutsuka - 結月花 (#yutsuka)

🌕 she/her ✧ drow ✧ lunar magic sorcerer 🌕 sometimes you are one of the problem children of a lolth worshipping family who got moon magic after touching a moon shard the family has as a trophy against ellistrae and uh what are they supposed to do with you know? but you come to the surface with your cousin to have a better life and are also trans. that's her. her cousin is sakanai who belongs to @kaoala and also helped me with making her :) 🌕 she's currently wandering around sightseeing and painting what she finds on her adventures! she also enjoys pressing flowers and other plants. seems elegant and refined but gets easily excited over new places and cute things. 🌕 i want to write a nice sentence for her name but the characters mean to complete, moon, and flowers!

🔥Perse (Dlennverse edition, #perse)

☙ she/they ✧ 21 ✧ tiefling ✧ gloom stalker ranger ☙ unfortunately girlie still comes from a fucked up situation but shes also slaying and got out earlier good for her. ☙ i would love to talk more about her lore junk buuuut she's slated to appear in a murder mystery so no spoilers besties <3 you can still ask me stuff about her though!

🌟Thea (Dlennverse edition, #thea)

🦌 she/they ✧ 20s ✧ deer shifter ✧ alchemist artificer 🦌 wow! a less traumatized version of her? wild. she is just a cute nice little potion girlie having a nice time. good for her :) wip.

⛅Tag System

🌈 astra talks - anything where i talk out of character!

🌈 (character name) talks - in character, will be used unless there's another stated talking tag mentioned (ex: #celeste chats for celeste)

🌈 (character name) asks - if an ask comes from a particular character!

special shoutout to my lovely friend over at @bbbearwin for the inspiration to start an oc/rp blog and also borrowed format idea i love youuu