#this song is so fun to write lines of too

[azzibueckers5]

i wanna know peace again (wanna sing a different song) (ao3 link) (chapter 1 link)

chapter 2: in which azzi is a drama queen and mentally calls herself the word stupid so many times that it loses its meaning (wc: ~8.5k) (gasp)

AN: ummmm hiiiiii i'm back. please enjoy! i wanted to make it angstier but i didn't want to actually write that? so here you go. umm. any and all mistakes re: basketball and the wnba (and anything else) are mine and mine only! i'm learning slowly and I googled a lot of things but who knows. i think that's it? idk have fun freaks <3

azzi wakes to a pounding headache, a crick in her neck from sleeping on the couch, and an overwhelming sense of dread at everything in the world ever. 

hanxiety doesn’t even begin to capture the feeling that curdles in her stomach when she goes to confirm that last night wasn’t a hyper-realistic dream, the words outgoing call, 1:47 reflecting back at her bleary eyes underneath paige’s contact. she’d called her at two in the fucking morning. good god. 

she’s not sure if the wine or the hours of crying is the cause of the absolute knife between her temples, but it doesn’t matter because she needs three advils, like, now, before she begins processing the nightmare that the previous night really was. 

she drags herself off the couch, wincing at the ache in her muscles, and heads to her bedroom to change out of last night's pjs and try and dig up the pain killers that she knows are somewhere in her bedside table. 

briefly, humorously, she contemplates the tub of miscellaneous, much stronger drugs that she’s accumulated over her years of surgeries and injuries. maybe if she overdoses on the opioids she’d been given but never taken after her acl tear she won’t have to deal with this whole L-word realization that is sure to ruin the current stability of her life. 

as she mentally picks through the haze of wine over her memories from the night before, the pit in her stomach grows. she had been a lot of things the prior night- stupid, emotional, drunk, but wrong about the truth of her complex web of emotion surrounding paige? 

she wasn’t so sure. (she was actually kind of sure she hadn’t been wrong. which. fuck.)

after swallowing her pills (advil, not the oxycodone), she picks up her phone and fires off three texts to aaliyah in quick succession, needing her to know how much her line of questioning had caused azzi to spiral.

azzi: u suck btw. 

azzi: the all-star break isn't the time to make me over analyze my friendships

azzi: or my sexuality for that matter

the older girl responds in a matter of seconds.

lili: BRUH I THOUGHT U KNEW

lili: come shoot before practice w me and we can talk it out

lili: but jsyk uve been moping for A YEAR my bad for thinking it was cause yall broke up

azzi: brooooo everyone always says friendship breakups r worse anyways

she releases a long suffering sigh to the mirror above her dresser. she looks a little bit like shit, eyes puffy and cheek creased, posture slumped over looking at her phone. the picture of i don’t want to have this crisis right now but i fear it’s too late. 

screw everything. she looks back down at the buzz of her phone in her palm:

aaliyah: that’s only for straight girls dumbass

azzi: ok well i thought i WAS a straight girl

lili: [screenshotted image of her profile photo for azzi: her, sitting on the ground in the uconn facilities, propped up against the base of her locker, legs spread comfortably. her head is tilted up at the camera, a smirk lopsided on her face, and one hand is throwing up a four, the other splayed out across the top of her trucker hat. she’s wearing a huskies sports bra and sweatpants, slung low enough on her hips to exhibit the the thick band of her basketball shorts and the v of her lower abs] 

lili: does this look like a straight girl to u 

it's almost funny how obvious the answer is. azzi types out a succinct kill youself and throws her phone across her bed.

she feels like she should be concerned with how easily the knowledge that she’s into women (or at least one specific woman) settles into her skin. but somehow it feels more like something she’d known about herself and simply buried, waiting for the right time to fully process. and this doesn’t necessarily feel like the right time, but it's happening whether azzi likes it or not, and she supposes that accepting that you’re gay is a lot easier when every single person in your life already knew and thought you knew before you actually did. 

the only person she really has to solidly come out to is herself (she ignores the voice in her head telling her that she will also maybe have to come out to paige at some point. if they talk and y’know. things go the way azzi is somehow already desperately hoping they will), and she’d always kind of known, in an abstract sense anyway, that she was attracted to women, but she’d never really had a crush on one or had the inclination to actually do anything about that thought so it had sat on the backburner, something she only really thought about when she was drunk, or lonely,  or some combination of the two. 

she figures she can work out whether she’s ever even been into men at all at a later date. all she can think about right now is paige anyways, and it's childish, but she’s almost annoyed at how cliche she feels for having her gay realization be the blonde, like she’s just another fangirl in paige’s tik tok comment section writing some variation of ‘i'm straight, but its paige bueckers!’ 

and it’s stupid, but it feels like she’s feeding into paige's ego by just acknowledging this space that’s been carved out in her chest. paige had always been droning on and on about how much rizz she had, how everybody wanted her, and azzi had loved nothing more than humbling her, calling her conceited and egotistical and stupid, and well. it seems azzi had been the stupid one all along. 

she knows, though, that this feeling, this thing in her chest that has somehow ballooned inside of her overnight, runs much, much deeper than the silly, surface level attraction that most people attributed to paige. and she also reasons that she knows paige, both her flaws and her insecurities and the parts that make her so wonderful, in a way that none of the teenage girls on tiktok could ever begin to even dream of. 

being in love with paige (and she guesses she’s really acknowledging it now, so that's. cool.) didn’t feel like a fluke, but rather something that was simply innate inside of her, ever humming under her skin. 

she curses the universe for giving her this mid-life crisis eight days before she has to hop on the flight that will take her directly to paige’s city, but there's an underlying feeling of hope, too, that she tries to squash. she firmly ignores the thought that it feels a little bit like a cosmic sign. 

paige having a woman she was almost certainly sleeping with, minimum, in the background of her phone at 1am also kinda felt like a cosmic sign. a sign that meant it's too late. 

and. oh god. she needs to text paige about dallas. 

and what the fuck to you say to your ex best friend who you hypothetically were (are?) in love with and drunkenly called crying after a year of not speaking one-on-one to try and plan a hangout? your ex best homoerotic friend who maybe has a new girl? 

but paige had insinuated that she wasn’t expecting azzi to actually reach out, which, aside from the fact that azzi did want to, also made it somewhat of a competition, and azzi didn’t lose competitions. especially against paige. 

it's already nearing 10 am, and even though paige is an hour behind, she wants to make it clear that she’s true to her word. paige had seemed like she’d wanted her to text, too, and. she’d said she missed her. a lot.

she types out the first thing she thinks of, u gonna show me your cowboy boots collection or what, and sends it before she can talk herself out of it.

the anger at paige from the night before is still simmering in her blood, a little bit, because what the fuck? they haven't talked in a year and it was paige’s fault. but also. azzi knows paige, even after all this time, and. she has a growing hunch that instead of the callous disregard for azzi and their friendship that paige had tried so hard to portray, azzi is starting to think that it had been hurt, not indifference, that had caused paige to distance them.

when paige doesn’t immediately respond to azzi’s text and profess her undying love for azzi and azzi only, she tries to convince her immune system that she did not, in fact, just drink poison and she was not, in fact, having a heart attack. 

and god, was it normal to feel like she was dying after sending a text? yesterday-azzi was lucky as fuck that she thought she hadn’t been in love because this fucking sucked. 

she makes breakfast with her anxiety at an all time high, checking her phone every sixty seconds and nearly burning her omelette. as the minutes tick by, azzi tries to resign herself to the reality that maybe paige had told her to text because she didn’t believe azzi would, not in spite of it. 

but then, as azzi is throwing things in her bag to leave for the facilities and bombard aaliyah with questions and a borderline mental breakdown, she feels her phone buzz in her pocket. she drops her water bottle on her foot in her haste to check what it says, and it hurts like a bitch, but paige responds with ‘unfortunately only one pair of boots. but im sure my hat collection will impress u’ and well. 

azzi’s foot could be broken for all she cares, because paige responded and she’s texting like old paige, and maybe it's flirting, maybe it's not, azzi clearly has no idea, but it's a million times better than the one-word messages she received throughout last year, and.

hope blooms, slow and steady, in azzi’s heart, despite her attempts to squash it.  

…

azzi: please tell me you don’t actually wear any of them outside the house

paige: u have to wear one here at all times or they’ll kill u

paige: texas is no joke

azzi: so i guess i’ll need to borrow one when im down there then

paige: when do u fly in 

paige: ill give u the pick of the litter 

…

(azzi does not shriek when she sees that text after practice. she does not.)

…

three days before azzi flies to dallas (and potentially lights herself on fire), she has a moment of weakness. after a particularly tiring lift and a day without more than a few new texts from paige, she settles into bed freshly showered with her laptop propped open on a pillow. she means to put on the rest of the abbot elementary episode she’d been watching earlier, but her fingers apparently aren’t connected to the rest of her body because they type in “paige bueckers and azzi fudd” into the youtube search bar instead. 

a couple nonsense videos pop up before her eyes catch on to the SLAM interview they’d done together right before azzi’s freshman year season. she clicks the link before she can chicken out.

it's a behind the scenes, with interview anecdotes thrown in between clips of them messing around, and they look so young. and jesus the way paige is looking at her. like she hangs the moon in the sky. and eighteen year old azzi isn’t much better, and she can’t keep her eyes off the blonde for more than five milliseconds, and they’re, well, they’re flirting right in front of current azzi’s face, and good god. no wonder everyone had thought something was going on. 

if azzi hadn’t lived through it, known the way they’d only ever tiptoed the line, never crossing, she would’ve thought so too. 

she makes it six minutes into the video before she slams her laptop shut, rolls over, and screams bloody murder into her pillowcase. 

…

the mystics don’t fly down until the night before, and their game is in the afternoon, so she and paige make tentative plans to hang out after azzi ‘find[s] out what happens when you mess with texas.’

paige is a dork, and an unfunny one at that. she hearts the message when azzi tells her as much, and azzi has to hide her smile in the hood of her sweatshirt so georgia doesn’t ask any pestering questions when paige adds ‘unfunny maybe but a loser? never.’

azzi really, really hopes that this text-flirting or whatever they’re doing means that paige doesn’t have a girlfriend. she doesn’t think her heart could take it if she did, and she doesn’t understand how paige (maybe? she’s being optimistic. sue her.) lived with these feelings for so long and didn’t act on them because it's been a singular week of occasional texting and only that has azzi feeling like she’s going to tear her hair out. 

the flight to dallas and subsequent restless night of sleep in a mediocre hotel room crawls by so slowly that azzi feels like she’s been physically transported to a planet in which every minute that goes by is actually an hour. or something. she doesn’t remember the plot of interstellar but she feels like messy time travel and space stuff like that was part of it. maybe it's happening to her. stranger things have occurred.

(like not knowing you were in love with your best friend for eight years)

(she doesn’t remember the plot of interstellar because the uconn team had watched it one slow off-season afternoon, and azzi had let paige coax her into taking an edible, gotten ridiculously high and scared, and had spent the entire movie with her face tucked into paige’s shoulder, letting the hands rubbing her back and stupid commentary in her ear lull her into safety) 

(fuck everything)

…

and then the most dreaded and anticipated day of azzi’s short, miserable life so far is upon her. thank god it’s a saturday game, so tipoff is at 2:00, and she doesn’t have to drown in anxiety for a whole day beforehand, because breakfast and the pregame meeting in the hotel is tortuous enough as is. 

kiki has to forcefully put her hand on azzi’s leg on the bus to get it to stop jumping up and down, and everyone knows not to bring up anything related to paige in front azzi, and she hasn’t said anything to anyone other the aaliyah about how they’re speaking again, but she can feel the sideways glances her teammates are sharing behind her back and her brain itches. 

they warm up on the court after the wings are done with their shooting drills, meaning azzi only gets a glance of paige disappearing back into the tunnel when they head out to stretch, but it's enough to transform her anxiety from a level 6 on the richter scale to a solid, nauseating 8. 

there’s signs of paige everywhere: posters with her face all over the walls, her number plastered on the sides of the hallway they have to walk down to get to the arena, and, worst of all, fans milling about, decked out completely in #5 jerseys and paige paraphernalia. several have carefully drawn out posters and clever slogans, clamoring in the stands to get as close as possible in an attempt to gain the one and only paige bueckers’ attention. and azzi can’t even fucking blame them, as pitiful as it is, because she wants paige’s attention on her, too. probably more than any of these fans combined.

a twisted, irrational seed of jealousy takes root in her heart when she thinks about how these fans have gotten to see paige grow and blossom over the last year and a half, how paige had left connecticut and the team and azzi and come here and immediately charmed the hearts of this entire stupid city, not caring what, or rather, who she left behind.

and fuck texas and their stupid cowboy boots and hot weather and their ability to win over really pretty blonde girls and entrap them in their clutches. 

her shots are off during warmups, and it takes everything in her not to turn around and look for a familiar blonde head when they announce the starting lineup and paige’s name is called, but then that effort is entirely futile because paige’s face is suddenly plastered on every single god-forsaken screen in the entire arena as she runs back out through tunnel. and she looks so cool and confident and definitely not like she’s having a tweak-fest about her ex best friend being in such close proximity. and life isn’t fair. 

and azzi loses her breath for a second at how stunningly beautiful paige is. she’s always been gorgeous, even self-proclaimed-straight-azzi had known that, but something about paige in the center of the basketball court, completely in her element, has always made her look more magnetic than usual. 

paige’s eyes flit across the visiting team’s bench for a second, like she’s looking for someone, looking for azzi, and she wants to jump up and wave her arms or do something equally as ridiculous to get her attention, but it turns out she doesn’t need to because then blue eyes find azzi’s without any help, like a magnet, and, wow, azzi had thought that she’d mentally prepared herself for this as much as possible, but she’d been horribly, terribly wrong. 

paige seems almost bashful when her face tilts into a lopsided grin, and azzi’s heart is doing this weird little flipping thing inside of her chest, which, it's never done that before, or maybe it had and she’d just never noticed because she’s an idiot, but regardless, azzi grins back, eyes probably all squinty and everything, and she really hopes no one is paying attention to them right now because she knows she looks absolutely sick in the head. 

she feels bolder than usual all of a sudden, adrenaline coursing through her and the high of having paige’s attention on her after all these months must be messing with her brain to mouth filter, because then she’s mouthing “you ready to lose?” to the blonde girl across the arena. 

paige’s smile drops in exaggerated offense and she’s getting nudged by her teammates to pay attention to something else but she smirks lazily, and flips azzi off before her attention is dragged into their huddle. 

and azzi feels woozy- like a fucking cartoon character with little birds circling her head. lord give her strength. paige flips her off and suddenly she’s acting like the blonde girl came over and proposed or something. this whole thing is so. stupid.

the anthem and pre-game huddle is a blur of nerves and trying not to get caught staring at the back of paige’s head. and then it’s tip off, and blessedly, graciously, they’re not guarding each other, and azzi tries valiantly to focus on the ball and her teammates’ positioning and not on the blonde in her peripheral vision. 

she’s off balance though, only making one of her first four shots, and she knows exactly why that is and it's so frustrating because paige already has seven points and seems entirely unaffected. 

and then, six minutes into the game, paige knocks the ball away from kiki in a breakaway, and azzi is the only one who has a chance at stopping her from a simple, uncontested layup. they run up the court together, paige just out of azzi’s reach until they get to the paint. and azzi knows exactly the move paige is going to pull, could draw it up in her sleep, and the only real way to stop it is to throw her hip out and jump up at the exact second she knows paige will release the ball and pray that her hand makes contact with rubber and not skin.

and she does knock the ball away, fuck you, paige blockers, but her hip also makes contact with paige’s side and she goes sprawling, sliding across the linoleum. azzi has a split second of panic that she’s actually hurt paige, but paige is grinning up at her, the drama queen, and azzi groans when she hears the familiar whistle of a foul call somewhere behind her. 

azzi’s hand grips paige’s to pull her up, other hand going out to steady her hip, and the first real skin on skin contact in a year shocks her to her core. her fingers are tingling, and how on earth was she able to ignore the feeling that arises in her whenever paige is close to her for so long because it feels like the world has stopped spinning on its axis for a second. 

nothing had ever been able to pry azzi’s attention away from basketball before, except for paige, (which. add that to the list of things that probably should have clued her in years ago) and it’s even worse now that azzi understands why that was the case. 

and they are in the middle of a basketball court on live television with thousands of people watching their every move and azzi is still gripping paige’s hand. and someone needs to put her in a psychiatric hospital or something. 

she regrettably pulls her fingers away from the taller girl’s grasp and immediately misses the contact. 

“you playin’ dirty cause you don’t think you can win?” paige taunts, but she’s grinning at azzi like she knows it was an accident, and her face is flushed from the first few minutes of running and she looks positively edible and. how azzi thought of herself as immune to paige’s charm for so long is well beyond her now because she wants to do. a lot of things, actually, but she needs to focus on basketball right now. because again. middle of the basketball court.  

“shut up, cheater. you’re the one flopping around trying to get a call,” is her very mature and reasonable retort.

and oh. azzi realizes again, in real time, what everyone was talking about when they used to say that her and paige were constantly flirting. because her hand is still on the taller girl's hip (just to steady her. yeah right.) and paige is smirking down at her and azzi is teasing her and- oh my god she’s been so stupid. 

the familiar spark of competition (and probably some other things. like attraction. whatever.) lights up between them like no time has passed since they were staying late after practices and running shooting drills just the two of them, and azzi feels herself settle for the first time since she caught sight of paige warming up. 

she’d been worried that she’d be too distracted by paige’s presence to play well, but the feeling of blue eyes on the back of her neck whenever she has the ball, and even when she doesn’t, fuels her like nothing else. 

by halftime, she has 19 points. 

and when the mystics finally edge out an unexpected, much needed win, there’s a 34 next to azzi’s name in the box score. she only misses two shots after her exchange with paige in the first quarter. 

and it's merely an out of conference win, but it's a close one because paige had played well too, and she can feel the satisfaction of a well-fought game settling in her bones, and the added bonus of beating paige, specifically, is making her feel like she's on cloud nine.

they keep their post game hug short and cordial (or. as cordial as a paige burying her face in azzi’s neck and azzi gripping her shoulders as tight as possible can be) (azzi might be delusional but she swears the crowd gets louder when they hug)

she kind of never wants it to end, and misses her instantly when paige pulls away, but then paige stays close when they separate, and looks nothing but proud when she congratulates azzi, asking “you tryna outdo my rookie of the year performance?” 

azzi is grateful for the flush on her cheeks from the game, so it masks how hot her blood gets at the question. “maybe, we’ll see,” is the only thing she can come up with in response, and it sounds coy even to her own ears. 

“i know we will” is paige’s fond response, and there’s cameras surrounding them and azzi’s not stupid enough to bring up their post-game plans right now but she wants to so she just hums and stands there, probably looking like a fucking adoring idiot. 

paige smiles, big this time, despite their loss, and tugs azzi back into a much briefer hug. it’s friendly for the cameras, and quick, but paige manages to tuck an “i'll text you” into azzi's shoulder before she’s pulling away and leaving azzi to watch helplessly after her as she’s immediately swarmed by teammates and media. 

and winning the game was fun and great and awesome or whatever, but the mile-wide smile on azzi’s face has a lot more to do with residual tingling of paige’s hugs than anything else. she is so stupendously screwed. 

…

the press conference goes by torturously slow because azzi doesn’t have time to check her phone beforehand, but they only ask her one question about paige so she counts it as another win.

(they ask azzi if this victory is sweeter because paige is on the other team and azzi answers with a really eloquent “yes,” and doesn’t elaborate when asked. her teammates nearly wet themselves with laughter)

azzi almost falls out of her chair in her attempt to get up as fast as possible when they’re released from press, and it takes everything in her not to sprint back to the locker room to check her phone. aaliyah doesn’t even try to hide her laughter.  

three texts from paige from 10 minutes prior are waiting for her when she finally gets back to her locker. 

paige: about to hop in shower

paige: wanna j do something straight from here

paige: or we can do something later if u wanna go back to hotel first idc  

the three separate texts means that paige is nervous, and some satisfaction settles in azzi’s stomach, but it’s overshadowed by the fact that she’s left the decision making to azzi. 

she debates it for two seconds before deciding she might run into oncoming traffic or something equally as gruesome if left to her own thoughts for more than 5 minutes. she hearts the second text.

azzi: if u wait for me to shower i can be ready in 20

and then she’s only 20 minutes away from being one-on-one with paige for the first time in a year. her shower goes by in a haze and she hopes she remembered to like. use body wash but she can’t really recall because her mind is an abyss of nausea and stress and the little glimmer of hope that she keeps trying to make shut up. 

paige’s ‘kk call me when ur ready and ill tell u where to go’ is waiting for her when she gets out, and she curses herself for only packing a pair of old sweats and a tank top. whatever. it’s not like she needs to impress paige anyway- she’d seen her in every state of dress from black tie evening gowns to pajamas- but still. she’s stressed. 

and then she’s slipping out of the locker room (she’s not doing anything wrong, but she still feels a little bit like she’s sneaking around, trying to avoid questions on where she’s going from her teammates), and calling paige, and letting her voice guide through a hallway and out a couple doors and into the parking lot. 

she hangs up when she sees paige’s recognizable grey jeep ahead of her, and something settles in her stomach at the familiar sight. she’d been in the passenger seat of this car a million and one times. 

but then she’s opening the door and, wow, she feels the furthest thing from settled because there is paige, sitting in the driver's seat and looking clean and nervous and adorably small in an oversized hoodie and shorts. her hair is down and still damp, and she’s wearing glasses, and her hands are fidgeting with her phone in her lap, partially covered by the cuffs of her sweatshirt, and azzi feels something crack in her chest. because how had she not realized that this was exactly what she’d wanted all along?

“hi” paige greets her, voice small and a little shy. 

azzi’s answering “hey, loser” sounds just as bashful and wow, what have they become? 

but then azzi climbs into the passenger seat as paige groans and says “i knew that would be the first thing you’d bring up” and they fall into the ease of bickering about the game and the music paige is playing, and as they pull out of the garage and into the bright afternoon dallas sun, azzi relaxes a bit into her seat. 

they decide to drop their stuff off at paige’s apartment before potentially heading out to find some dinner, and it’s weird- how normal it feels, even though they haven’t done this in forever. azzi still has an undercurrent of panic coursing through her, and she knows she’s looking at paige a little weirdly because the blonde keeps glancing at her funny, like she’s trying to figure something out and can’t quite place what’s changed, but despite that, they fall right back into the simplicity and comfort that each others company has always held. 

until paige decides to ruin the ease of their conversation by glancing across the car at a red light and asking “you gonna tell me why you’re looking at me funny?” 

azzi squirms. debates jumping out, ladybird style. decides against it only because the risk/reward ratio is particularly low. she could deny it, call paige crazy, but that seems useless when she plans on bringing it up when they get inside in 10 minutes anyways. she was planning on waiting until after dinner, but the thrill of having paige within arms reach is making her antsy and she knows she won’t be able to wait that long. 

“no,” she replies. at paige’s sideways glare, she relents, “when we get inside.” 

paige hums, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel, and the relaxed environment turns tense in seconds. the remainder of the drive is silent, and it's not awkward, necessarily, but anticipatory, tension clogging azzi’s lungs. 

she fiddles with the ac vents and tries to stop herself from thinking at all. she fails, obviously, and her mind is a mess of paige and random moments from their time at uconn and, the girl in the back of the phone call, and. somehow her hands are shaking. perfect.

she is somehow both thankful and miserable they’re almost there.

they finally pull into paige’s complex, and the mostly silent walk through the garage and elevator ride only further serves to heighten her anxiety. and then paige is pulling out her keys and opening the door and. 

they barely get inside before azzi is rounding on her, dropping her bag on the floor and backing up to lean against the opposing wall. she’d planned this part out in her mind a hundred times, dissecting all the possible pros and cons of asking in different ways, figuring out how to slowly work up to the question that’s been eating her alive since the the all star break, but one look at paige’s confused face and the adrenaline that's been coursing through her veins throughout the whole car ride has her sidestepping logic and reason entirely and blurting out a strangled “were we in love?” 

she’s pretty confident she knows the answer, but the ensuing silence is agonizing anyway. 

azzi can see the second paige processes her question, her face dropping in utter disbelief, and something like heartbreak splinters in her eyes at azzi’s words. paige’s arms go limp at her sides, her keys slipping to the ground beside her, and the jangle of metal against the hardwood floor is deafening in the silence of her entryway. 

“azzi,” paige chokes on her name, like it causes her physical pain. she looks shell-shocked, like she can’t breathe, and azzi can’t breathe either, but she needs to know anyway.

“were we in love, paige? were you in love with me?” she asks again, more desperate this time, the words ripping out of her chest almost without her permission. she feels out of control. between the two of them, paige was always the one to push things too far, press and press until azzi was forced to answer her questions or shut down, and the whip-lash of that role reversal is clear on the older girl’s face. 

still, paige is silent, gaping at her in shock. 

just as azzi opens her mouth to ask a third time, paige closes the gap between them with two steps and seals their mouths together in a desperate, searing kiss. 

azzi’s hands fly to paige's chest immediately, and the blonde’s hands find their place on the sides of her face, cupping her cheeks. azzi opens for her in seconds, and paige makes a wretched, helpless sound in the back of her throat as their tongues meet. she drags one hand down to azzi’s waist and pulls her closer, fingering the gap between her sweats and tank top, and azzi’s hands grip her shirt in return, needing her as close as possible. 

and wow. okay. if there was any lingering doubt in azzi’s mind about whether or not she was into women, into paige, it evaporates into thin air, heat pooling immediately in her stomach. 

and also. paige probably doesn’t have a girlfriend if she’s kissing azzi senseless in her foyer. the relief of that makes her needy, desperate. 

she feels wild with it, with the sudden release of this desire for paige that's been hibernating just under her skin for years, and as paige presses her back into the wall, all azzi can think to do is tug her as close as possible. her hands move again, this time sliding up to the back of paige’s neck, everywhere they can reach, and when they separate from each other for a second to breathe, foreheads pressed together, azzi’s eyes flutter open to probably the prettiest version of paige she’s ever seen. 

she looks absolutely ruined, cheeks flushed and mouth swollen, and azzi feels drunk on the look in her eyes, gazing at her like azzi is the sun and the moon and the whole fucking solar system too. and she’s struck with the thought that they probably could have been doing this for years, probably should have been doing this for years. 

“did you- azzi- did you not know?” is the first thing paige gets out, voice sounding wrecked with emotion and something else, and if azzi had a nickel for every time someone had seemed incredulous that she hadn’t known about paige and her being in love, she’d have five fucking nickels. five nickels to place on the shelf next to her #1 stupidest person on earth trophy. 

azzi can’t help but sound indignant when she sputters out “well no one told me!”

paige just looks at her for a second, like she’s trying to cement this as real, and then she smiles, small and beautiful and just for azzi.

“you’re stupid” is her only retort. and, well. yeah. 

and she looks like she’s about to cry but in a good way azzi thinks, and then azzi can’t see her face anymore because they’re kissing again. she makes a sound in the back of her throat that she will not be recounting when paige slips a hand underneath her tank top, pressing her fingers to her ribs, and jesus, they’ve been making out for maybe a total of two minutes max and she already feels like she’s going to melt into a puddle on the floor. 

paige kisses her like she means it, like she’s starving for it, and azzi didn’t know it until right now but it's exactly the way she likes to be kissed. 

paige wedges a leg between azzi’s, somehow pressing closer, and this is really nice and azzi really doesn’t want to stop but also. they need to actually discuss this before she lets paige do something stupid like finger her in the hallway or drag her off to her bedroom. she might be jumping the gun but also. one of paige’s hands is sliding underneath the waistband of her sweats to caress the smooth skin of her hip, teasing. and, and. she really needs to stop this before her fingers dip any lower because she knows any coherent thought she has will crumble into nothingness. 

she tugs her mouth away for a second, and murmurs out a breathless “paige” in between kisses. she receives a contented grunt in response. 

“paige-” she tries again, except the older girl simply hums and moves lower, pressing open-mouthed kissed down her neck instead. azzi’s brain goes blank for a second, nothing but thoughts of paige’s mouth on her neck and her hands on her waist. but. 

they do need to talk about this. regretfully. 

“paige, we need to- to talk about this,” she stutters out, and when paige still seems undeterred, having moved down to attempt to suck a mark into azzi’s collarbone, she adds, “before we have sex.”

she tries to look away, so she doesn’t have to see the smug grin that she knows will spread across paige’s face at her words, but a consequence of furiously making out with the blonde is that their faces are still inches apart, so she still sees the sly smirk on paige’s stupid, self-satisfied face. 

“who said anything about sex, hmm?” she crows, and azzi blushes, and then looks down pointedly at paige’s hand that is currently slipping under the waistband of her sweats.

“oh i’m sorry, was that not on your agenda?” she asks, teasing, and pushes herself out from underneath paige, walking down the hallway towards the living room, smiling to herself at the immediate feeling of paige’s hands back on her hips, grasping at her to keep her close. 

“no, no, azzi, c’mon, i’m jus’ playing, come back here,” and she actually sounds a little bit worried, as if azzi will somehow change her mind or something ridiculous. 

she spins back to face paige when she gets to the couch, and laughs at the look on her face, hopeful and kind of like a puppy dog. it's definitely a diversion tactic and it almost works, she almost says fuck it and drags paige further into the apartment in search of the bedroom, but she stays strong.

“talk first, and then you can give me a very thorough tour of the rest of your apartment,” she assures, and paige relents, but not before pressing a short, close-mouthed kiss to azzi’s lips, as if sealing the deal.  

“‘kay. i’m holding you to that,” she adds, but she looks unsure of herself, and then they’re just standing there like idiots in the evening light of paige’s apartment, looking at each other. 

azzi decides she wants to be sitting for this, so she kicks off her slides and drops onto the couch behind her. 

for a second, paige looks like she doesn’t know what to do or where to sit, and she’s never been unsure of invading azzi’s personal space before, so azzi just rolls her eyes and tugs her down onto the couch next to her. paige flops down, sprawled out next to azzi, and they settle into the cushions, azzi curled underneath paige’s arm, facing her, legs crossed and socked feet tucking under paige’s thigh. 

paige is quiet, waiting for azzi to formulate how she wants to start this, and she’s grateful for the silence as she mentally grapples with how to open this particular can of worms. 

she settles on “can you tell me what happened the night of the championship?” 

might as well start out with the big guns.

paige inhales sharply, and she looks like she really doesn’t want to recount that night, so azzi gently takes one of her hands in her own and tangles their fingers. 

“you don’t remember?” she mumbles, and her voice sounds so small, not at all like the confident paige that had just been giving azzi shit and kissing the living daylights out of her. 

“no, only. only that we kissed, but even that’s hazy. and i had a mark,” she reaches up with paige's hand still tangled in hers and presses at her collarbone, “right here.”

“yeah.” paige’s voice breaks on the acknowledgement, and she looks like she’s gonna cry at the reminder, eyes watery where they gaze at the spot that her fingers are pressing into. azzi’s heart squeezes in her chest. she looks a little relieved, though, that azzi can’t recall what happened. 

“if i’d known you were that drunk i wouldn’t have…” she trails off, voice shaky, and azzi cuts in. 

“you were drunk too paige, s’not your fault.” 

paige hums. when azzi squeezes her fingers, she continues. “it was such a good night until then. we were so drunk, and you were so happy, and you were clinging onto me like it-” her voice breaks, and azzi leans further into her side to try and comfort her. they’re both already crying a little bit, and her heart squeezes, again, but she needs to hear this before they go any further. 

“like it meant something. something more than usual. and then you wanted to go upstairs and i kept thinking finally. and. and i kissed you when we got to my room and you seemed so into it. and then i said-” she cuts off again, and azzi feels dread pool in her gut. she isn’t sure she actually wants to hear this story but she can’t stop listening. 

“i told you i was in love with you, like an idiot, and you-” she inhales, through her tears, like she’s steeling herself, and azzi squeezes her eyes shut in preparation, gripping paige’s hand tighter. 

“you asked me why i had to ruin it, why we couldn’t just kiss without it meaning anything.” 

azzi makes a wounded sound, curling closer, and paige is sobbing now, and this is so, so much worse than she’d thought. 

“paige.” is the only thing she can get out as comfort, and now she's sobbing too. god she’d been so, so stupid.  “i didn’t know.” she shifts, and then climbs all the way into paige’s lap, trying to ease the hurt that her unconscious drunk mind had caused and pressing a messy kiss to her hairline. she tries to get as close as possible as a reminder that they're here now, not in a shitty hotel room in tampa.

god. no wonder paige had distanced herself. azzi doesn’t even know what she’d have done. probably run straight out of that hotel and thrown herself off a cliff

paige isn’t done, though, and azzi briefly wonders how it could possibly get worse, before regretting her curiosity instantly. 

“and then you got mad when i wouldn’t. wouldn’t just keep going. and i asked if we could jus’ talk about it in the morning and you promised that we would.” paige presses the words into azzi shoulder, bring her arms up to wrap around the younger girl’s back. her tank top is wet from paige’s tears and. this whole thing has azzi sick to her stomach. 

she presses a sob into paige’s hair, and she knows the next part but she lets her finish anyway. 

“and then you didn’t say anything the next morning and i didn’t know if you didn’t remember or if you just didn’t want to talk about it, but either way i just. couldn’t do it anymore.” her voice is shot, and she’s still crying, but she looks relieved to have finished. 

azzi lets the silence sit for a minute before responding. “i thought you regretted kissing me. or whatever happened, i couldn’t remember. and then you just. stopped, like, wanting to be friends, and i thought you’d decided you didn’t need me anymore,” azzi releases through tears, and her heart breaks for both of them at the stupidity of the last year. 

a “no!” rips from paige’s chest, insulted, and she laughs humorlessly. “az, i’ll always need you. for god sake, i pretty much just moped for the entire year plus. arike banned your name ‘cause she got tired of listening to me whine about how much i missed you.” she looks up at azzi through her eyelashes, tears clumped together, and she looks so beautiful, despite them, that azzi’s heart breaks all over again. 

“if it makes you feel better, i missed you just as bad, except i wouldn’t talk to anyone about it. the whole team knew not to bring you up around me cause i would just shut down.” 

she knocks their foreheads together, gently,  in affection before continuing, “one of the freshmen got your old room and i wouldn’t go anywhere near it.” 

paige smiles, brokenly, at that. “bet she didn’t decorate it as well as me.” 

it's not really funny, but azzi lets out a watery giggle anyways, pressing it into the curve of paige’s brow. “she probably didn’t have a blanket over the blinds though.” 

paige hums in agreement, and motions for azzi to continue before starting to trace lines on azzi’s back. 

azzi takes a deep breath before speaking. “over the break we went to dinner, me ‘n lili and a couple others. and somehow like dating and stuff got brought up and she asked me if i’d ever been in love. and i said no.” 

paige tenses under her, but azzi squeezes their hands that are still tangled together and waits until she relaxes again to continue. 

“and none of them believed me. they all thought we’d been dating in secret or whatever. and i couldn’t believe it but then i started thinking about it and. and then i got home and called my mom, and asked her if i’d been in love with you,” she pauses for a second, trying to get her words straight. paige’s hand on her back falters for a second, before continuing, slow and steady, and it grounds her. 

“and she said if i was asking her than i already knew.” 

paige laughs a little bit, commenting “‘course she did.” 

“i know,” she agrees, “and then. well. i got really drunk and somehow thought it was a good idea to call you.” 

paige smiles, a little crookedly. “wasn’t your worst idea, though.” 

azzi hums in agreement. “no, it wasn’t”

paige opens her mouth to say something and then stops, reconsidering. 

azzi narrows her eyes. “what,” she prods, needing to know everything. 

paige hesitates again before continuing. “i thought god was punishing me when i saw who was calling. i’d just made the first step in so long to try and get over you, finally relented to all my teammates telling me to get laid for the first time in over a year and. here you were calling me for the first time in forever like you knew i’d just spent half an hour pretending the girl on top of me was you.” she shakes her head, laughing a little. “i left as soon as i hung up. cried all the way home.” 

and azzi knows it’s fucked up, but satisfaction settels in her bones at the knowledge that paige hadn’t been sleeping her way through texas in azzi’s absence like she’d thought, even if the reminder of the girl on the phone kills her a little.

“i wanted to die when i heard her voice. almost hung up you,” she gets out, and paige presses a kiss to her shoulder in response. 

“baby, i haven’t wanted anyone but you since i was like, sixteen.” 

the word baby echoes inside azzi’s head and she smiles, ducking her head. 

“maybe if you’d ever told me that-”

“-i did tell you-” paige protests, but azzi’s having none of it.

“sober- if you’d told me sober i probably would’ve figured out i was in love you a lot quicker.” 

paige huffs. “azzi, the entire world knew i was in love with you. obviously i thought you knew, too, ” and then, when azzi’s words sink in a bit more, and she adds, a little in awe, “you’re in love with me? like, forreal?”

azzi doesn’t bother correcting her verb tense. it might seem stupid to already be saying i love you when they haven’t actually had a conversation in a year, but she knows with more certainty than anything ever that this is a past and a present and a future kind of thing. 

“obviously.” is her only response, gesturing to where she’s sitting on paige’s lap, their fingers still curled together. 

and paige’s smile is positively blinding as she leans up to press their mouths together, murmuring “s’ fire.” 

honestly. you’d think she’d be a little more romantic. 

and their faces are both damp from tears, but it doesn’t matter because paige is kissing her like her laugh is the best thing she’s ever tasted, and maybe it is.  

and paige flips them somehow (azzi isn’t really paying attention to the logistics, too focused on the patch of skin she finds below paige’s ear that makes her keen) and they end up pressed into the couch, paige laying on top of her. 

azzi finds paige’s mouth again, fingers tangling in her hair, and paige presses their hips together, swallowing the brunettes' moan at the contact. 

and then paige pulls back above her and grins. 

“so can we have sex now,” she questions, and azzi rolls her eyes, shoving at her shoulder.

“way to be a romantic, p,” she responds, but it just sounds fond instead of annoyed. 

“excuse you, i am such a romantic,” she retorts, and at azzi’s unimpressed look, she tries again.  “azzi jazlyn, i am very much in love with you, can i please make sweet, sweet love to you?” 

azzi groans, but it’s kind of a futile attempt to seem like she’s not utterly charmed, because she lets paige tug her up off the couch anyways. 

and there are still residual tear tracks on their faces, and more conversations to be had, but as she chases paige down the hallway to her bedroom, laughter flowing freely from them both, she figures they can figure that out later. right now, this is enough. 

AN: ummmm thank you for reading? pleaseeee comment/send me asks it literally makes my whole entire day and I need all the love I can get over the next week of hell (finals). i know i said i was writing smut and i ammmm it just is taking me. a while. so i cut it off here. but maybe keep your eye out for more of these two being freaky? idk. also if you wanna like see any more from them pls let me know what that would be! i have a couple ideas for a paige pov but it would be really angsty. and also a few about like their friends and fam finding out and being like THANK FUCK. took u long enough. idk. again, only time will tell but I can confirm that comments and asks do wonders for my creativity soooo. please do that! ok bye now <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

cas im going to yap to you about modern band au marlene x pandora x sybil bc theyve inhabited my brain like little parasites

Marlene and sybil are childhood bestfriends and used to hunt for ghosts in the woods together before they started to naturally grow apart as they got older

marlene has always wanted to be in a band and when she turns nineteen she starts advertising for it and guESS WHO SIGNS UP?? OUR GAL PANDORASAA AND OUR QUEEN DORCAS (bc even tho it isnt dorlene we still gotta have her)

Dora is on bass and backing vocals, Cas is on drums and marlene is on electric guitar and vocals but oh no! They need someone else! And guess who comes along!!! syBIL MOTHERFUCKING TRELAWNEY THATS WHO (can you tell im excited) anyways sybil is on keys and oh my god theyre all so cool and hot and lowk scary

they go viral overnight. Like alllll the baby lesbians are in love with them and honestly real me too me too 🙏🙏

Marlene pandora and sybil get so close so fast, and the lines between platonic and romantic are so blurred that they never officially decided to start dating they just. Did. Like someone was like “are yall together” and they where like “probably” and that was that

marlene writes songs about her amazing girlfriends and drags dorcas to help her date plan, pandors helps marlene experiment with her hair and style and carries around everyone meds in case of emergencies, sybil makes them all matching crystal accessories that they wear on stage and they have sleepover parties every month where they do ouija boards and summoning demons and stuff

they could literally take over the world and the only reason they dont is because theyre too busy playing punk gigs and predicting people (corrupt politicians) deaths for the giggles

sigh, i love them 🎀🎀

OMG this is so fun. You should write this, I feel like so many people would read it

[chryso-chryso]

溯 Reverse

(spotify / youtube)

singer: CORSAK Hu Mengzhou 胡梦周 lyrics + score + arrangement: CORSAK Hu Mengzhou 胡梦周 

i'm only linking the hu mengzhou acoustic version because that's the one that spurred me to translate this!

t/n: the chinese title of this song 溯 sù, means to go upstream, to trace back, or to remember. 

总想要透过你眼睛

i’ve always wanted to spill through your eyes

去找寻 最原始的野性

to find a primeval wilderness

没想到最后却闯进

didn't think what at last would burst in 

一整座 森林的宁静

an entire / forest’s silence 

你呼吸 蓝丝绒包裹身体

your breathing / blue velvet wrapping the body

和海洋的哼鸣

and the ocean’s echo

我永远不愿醒

i’ll never want to wake

我可以 躲进你的身体

can i / hide inside of you?

进入温暖的你

into the warmth of you

躲进你的身体

hide inside of you

进入温暖的你

into the warmth of you

总想要透过你眼睛

i’ve always wanted to spill through your eyes

去找寻 水仙的倒影

to find a dandelion’s reflection

没想到最后却目睹

i didn't think that i would witness

一整个 宇宙的繁星

a entire / universe’s stars

这一秒 只想在爱里沉溺

in this moment, i only want to wallow in love

这世界是块冰

this world is flowing ice

就让她是块冰

so she is flowing ice

我可以 躲进你的身体

can i / hide inside of you?

进入温暖的你

into the warmth of you

躲进你的身体

hide inside of you

躲进你的身体

hide inside of you

进入温暖的你

into the warmth of you

躲进你的身体

hide inside of you

进入温暖的你

into the warmth of you

[seaweedstarshine]

“They engineered a psychopath to kill you.” “Totally married her. I'd never have made it here alive without River Song.”

Sources: Let's Kill Hitler, Diary of River Song: My Dinner With Andrew, Closing Time, The Husbands of River Song, Diary of River Song: The Furies, Diary of River Song: Animal Instinct, The Ruby's Curse, Time of the Doctor

[nenoname]

Journal 3's references to Stan

(...does the Lost Pages count as J3 when some had to be in J2 and also may or may not be a truth lie turducken? idk. Ford's TBoB letters sure as hell don't count as J3 but I'm including them here anyway)

Pre-Portal Ford

"Although my family tried to convince me that [having six fingers] made me special (and it did help with shadow puppets)"

"It would be quite interesting to see what my brother and mother would act like while wearing [the truth teeth]!"

"It occurs to me that if I must keep secrets from F, I might as well begin writing certain passages of this book in code. I aced Cryptology in college, so this will be fun! (At least for me. It would be deeply tedious and annoying for someone trying to decipher it.) It amuses me to think of their frustrating effort!" (ok this is likely for the reader and likely ain't a direct stan reference. but like. it is to me)

"When I sat down, [the fortune teller] quickly grabbed my hands and said, "What took you so long, Sixer?" I felt a chill run down my back. How she knew my childhood nickname was beyond me"

[Blacklight Hiding Places page] "Journal 3: The volume I hold in my hands. Describes my embarrassing defeat at the hands of Bill and the loss of my very sanity. Also contains a pretty good drawing of a plaidypus. Will soon be bestowed upon S and hidden at the ends of the Earth (I hope).” (he wrote the wrong journal to give to Stan lmao)

"The time has come to bury this tome. After that, all there is left to do is wait for S. And save the world. Or lose my life in the effort."

Post-Portal Ford

"Walking around my old lab, I feel like a dead man's ghost haunting a strange fun house mirror version of his past life, I resolve to take back my home and rebuild the life that Stanley has taken from me."

"The strangest thing about [Soos] is his utter idolization of my brother Stanley."

"[Mabel] Shares the family sweet tooth. Diet seems to consist solely of items with the word 'gummy' in them. I will need to discuss nutrition with Stanley."

[Dipper] "Observations: 1) Constantly sweating. Perhaps he takes after Stanley. (...) 4) Rank odor. Clearly hasn't bathed recently. Stanley should never be put in charge of children!"

"It is just as I feared; apparently, Stanley's reckless use of the machine overtaxed it and ripped a tear in the dimensional fabric- the same way an overheated oven might burn a hole in kitchen linoleum."

"Containment dome- A home for the Rift. Admittedly, I was inspired by the snow globes in Stanley's gift shop."

"When I tried to share my burdens with my brother, he knocked me into the portal, separating me from my home for 30 years."

"Stanley always mocked my love of [DD&MD], and even some of my college friends called it "Girlfriend Repellant.""

"Well, the harm in showing the [infinity sided die] to Dipper turned out to be quite large. During one of our games, my hotheaded brother got his hands on it and accidentally conjured this jerk."

"I'm proud to say that the Pines family was able to beat the wizard at his own game. Stan's contribution was (of course) to cheat our way to victory."

"Ironically, in the multiverse I'm just as wanted as Stanley! But my crimes had a noble purpose"

"Stan would have loved this place, but it just made me depressed. Although I had a good run in the Gambling Dimension, the dimensional bouncers ended up kicking me out for counting cards! What are the odds?"

"[The Oracle] looked deep into my eyes and said I had the face of the man who was destined to destroy Bill."

[A Better World] "On this Earth, I was never pushed into the portal by Stan. On this Earth, my brother listened to me and took Journal 1 away from Gravity Falls."

"I reentered the world of my youth to face a brother I had not seen in 30 years. My frustration was indescribable- once again, my brother's actions had sabotaged everything I had ever worked toward."

"To help Dipper understand, I borrowed Stanley's car, and we drove until we reached the town border of Gravity Falls."

"I suggested it would be a good time for Stan to take the kids on that road trip he's been talking about while I puzzle over [the cracked Rift]"

Post-Weirdmageddon

"I bristled at the idea of sharing my accomplishments with anyone. I shunned my brother for one dumb mistake, and I shunned Fiddleford for having the nerve to try to stop me from dooming the world."

"I just couldn't get over the idea of myself as the lone hero.. and it was Stanley who paid the price."

"Trust shouldn't be given unconditionally, but it should be given a chance to be earned. There is strength in having the humility to work with and sacrifice for others- a strength I now realize was in my brother all along."

"When Stanley and I were kids, we would often read tales of the Sibling Brothers- about two boys who dedicated their lives to exploring mysteries together. With a new anomaly to investigate, I've been thinking about those tales more and more lately."

"I had suggested to Dipper that because of all the misfortune caused by them, we burn [the Journals] in the last campfire of the summer. Mabel, Soos & Stan all seemed very excited by this notion."

"You hold a record of one man's folly and the kindness of a family that saved him from himself. It's never too late to learn that growing old doesn't have to mean growing up."

Lost Journal Pages

"My stomach sank a bit when I realized... it was my birthday. This day has felt... odd, since S and I... parted ways."

"DAMN! This morning I found F rummaging through my old copy of Urban Legends of New Jersey, where I had forgotten I had hidden some old personal items! I've quickly re-hidden them here, away from prying eyes."

"The snow has begun to fall again and there's very little time. There's only one left I can turn to to protect my journals while I prepare for the journey..."

Ford's Letters

"I emerged from my lab after days of agonized contemplation to find- to my shock- that Mabel was reading the book, out loud, to Stanley, Dipper, Soos, and Wendy!"

"They didn't see me as an irredeemable screwup. Stanley said, "So, your past is just a giant pile of mistakes? Congratulations- you really are a Pines!""

(It kinda strikes me that the BoB Lost Journal pages about Stan sound far more like post-portal Ford's opinions on Stan instead, where he's openly angry at both being pushed into the portal + at the portal being opened again + his murder suicide attempt being foiled + Stan disowning him + turning his house into a tourist trap + taking his identity vs pre-portal Ford being more... melodramatic(?) constantly being reminded of him but not wanting to linger too long? idk the vibes are different

Plus pre-portal Ford pretty consistently only calls Stan "S" or just refers to him as his brother (with the exception of him writing his name in a Caesar cipher) ...not to mention the perpetual motion machine comment says thirty instead of ten years)

Bonus:

[Journal 1 Mr What's His Face cipher] "If he gets my face, Stanley has a spare!"

[razzle-zazzle]

1896 words; post-canon

Secret Santa for @loudlychoppedbread! A oneshot of Lili flirting with Raz via bad pickup lines!

AO3 ver

Lili needed to get Raz to visit her garden more often.

Well, maybe not. It was her space, as nice as it was to have Raz help her with the flowers. Even if his herbaphony was next to nonexistent and his green thumb was more like a small thumbnail. But it was nice to share this with him, and he was just so…

A jet of water splattered onto the begonia in front of her, putting out the flame that had started eating at the leaves. Lili flinched back, face flushing as she realized she what she had almost done in her distraction.

“You okay?” Raz asked, pulling the watering can away from the begonia. “Usually I’m the one setting your plants on fire.” He added, a small grin at his little joke.

Lili snorted. “That was one time.” She physically stepped back from the begonia, and mentally stepped back from thinking about stupid boys with cute faces and heroic attitudes that made her want to cup that face in her hands and just shake it for being so stupid and cute and frustratingly endearing—

The smell of burnt hair was the only warning Lili got before the watering can was turned upon her, Raz standing upon a levball as he put out the tiny flame. She shrieked, startled. Raz snickered. See? I can water the lilies just fine! He grinned, thought trickling down into Lili’s brain.

“I’ll get you for that!” Lili declared, lunging forwards. Raz yelled, levball rolling back before he tumbled off of it entirely, flipping backwards away from Lili’s tackle. The watering can fell to the ground, forgotten in the chaos as Lili and Raz tumbled around in the grass. The plants were shouting in their own way, either encouraging the tussle or demanding it stop before something got trampled.

So, yeah. Maybe it wasn’t a great idea to have Raz in her garden. Or near her at all.

But Lili was better than this! She wasn’t gonna let some stupid crush get to her! She was gonna take this crush and crush it the best way she knew: by flirting.

As this was a matter of the utmost importance, Lili had to pull out the Big Guns. She’d hesitated to do this, both because there were bigger things to worry about and because she wasn’t sure yet—but now it was time to come out and say it.

“Did it hurt?” Lili asked, not quite blurting the words out but still speaking more abruptly than she wanted.

“Did what hurt?” Raz asked, eyebrows drawing together in confusion. For a single, precarious moment, the very concept of words fled Lili’s mind, replaced by flames and only flames. Raz stared at her, expecting a response. Lili stared back. Stalemate.

“When you fell from heaven!” Lili blurted. The tulips startled at the sound, but Raz—

“Um.” Raz’ face flushed, slightly, before he recovered his bravado, “Of course not. I learned how to fall before I learned how to walk.”

Now it was Lili’s turn to be flustered—that wasn’t how she expected him to react. But she probably should have expected it, given Raz’ acrobatic proficiency and general… Raz-ness. Still, she would not be so easily cowed.

“Yeah, well, if you were a vegetable,” Lili started, grabbing Raz’ gloved hand in hers, “You’d be a cute-cumber.”

Pink and white streamers shot from Raz’ mind to hers, flustered snarls of flattery tangling their link. His mouth opened, face flushed as he fumbled for words.

“You’re cute too!” He managed, through the swoon clawing at his mind. Lili giggled, satisfied with her victory—no, wait, Raz was floating up into the air—Lili snagged Raz’ hand, yanking im back down to earth. He landed on her with a dull thud that knocked the air out of both of them.

After a moment, Lili laughed.

+=+=+=+=+

Lili hopped off the balance beam, having successfully made her way across it with minimal wobbling.

“You did it!” Raz cheered, grabbing her hand.

“Of course I did.” Lili agreed, squeezing Raz’ hand back. His mind sloshed against hers, tangly vines creeping between the two of them as they giggled. The perfect moment!

“Are you from Tennessee?” Lili asked. At Raz’ confused look, she elaborated, “Because you’re the only ten I see.” A prime line, taken directly from observing her dad in action—so it was guaranteed to work.

And work it did, because Raz’ giggle turned into a squeak. He started to float, his grip on Lili’s hand tightening—

“That has got to be the lamest pickup line I’ve ever heard.” Dion chuckled, perched up on a tree branch overhead. He jumped off, flipping through the air on his way down. He rolled as he hit the ground, coming to a stop just in front of them.

Raz scoffed, eyes already rolling. “Yeah, because you hear so many pickup lines.”

“Mmhm.” Dion nodded, blatantly ignoring Raz’ sarcasm. “Tons.” He grinned, only to look at Raz again and double-take. “Why are you floating.” He grit out, sounding annoyed but broadcasting wary.

“I’m not floating.” Raz denied, pulling on Lili’s arm and landing back on the ground very suddenly.

Dion’s eyebrows quirked in disbelief, before he visibly decided it didn’t matter. “Whatever. Mom wanted me to ask if you were gonna stay for dinner.”

Lili’s eyes narrowed. She didn’t know Raz’ older brother very well, but what she did know of him she didn’t like very much. “My pickup lines are great, actually.” She interjected, pulling her hand from Raz’ so she could put both hands on her hips for a good and proper glare. It probably wouldn’t be too rude to set Raz’ brother on fire, right? She could probably put it out before any real damage was done. Probably.

“I don’t care if you’re ten or whatever, your pickup lines suck.” Dion said, and now Lili really wanted to set him on fire. She opened her mouth to retort—

“Well, I like them!” Raz interjected. Whatever he was about to say next was cut off by the sound of a levboard grinding to a halt as Gisu came to a stop next to the group. “Sup?” She greeted, one foot on the ground, the other on her levboard.

“Hey.” Dion greeted, the look on his face a little bit similar to the way Raz sometimes looked at Lili. Lili resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She didn’t get why or how, but somehow putting Gisu and Dion together made them both so lame.

Gisu grinned, something like determination leaching off of her. “Just wanted to say,” she started, “If you were a McDonald’s burger, you’d be the McGorgeous.” She wiggled her eyebrows, smug grin threatening to shake into laughter the longer she stood there. “And babe, I am starving.”

Dion brought a hand to his mouth to cover a scuffed laugh, flush dusting his cheeks. Infatuation rolled off him in waves, so obvious that Lili probably didn’t even need to be psychic to notice it. Ewwwwww.

“That was awful.” Lili opined. Neither Dion nor Gisu seemed to care, though, already darting away on Gisu’s levboard with stupid sappy grins on their faces. Geez, Lili and Raz didn’t look at all like that when they were together. Not at all!

“I don’t get what she sees in him.” Raz said. He tentatively reached out, grasping Lili’s hand in his. Lili squeezed back, and resolved to put weird older brothers out of her mind.

“You know, if I could rearrange the alphabet,” Lili started, “I think I’d put U and I together.” She grinned as Raz blushed, rising a few inches into the air. Boldened by the victory, she continued. “You hear that?”

“Hear what?” Raz asked.

“Sounds like we’re near an airport!” Lili declared, squeezing Raz’ hand. “Because my heart is taking off!”

It took a solid ten minutes before Raz came back down.

+=+=+=+=+

Lili frowned. Francis needed more water, Fred needed a little more sun, and Fiona was complaining about aphids even though there were ladybugs all over—

“Hey, Lili!” Raz’ voice broke through her thoughts, his mental presence a calm balm against Lili’s rising frustrations. And also another source of frustration. But mostly a balm.

Lili turned her attention away from the begonias to look at Raz, who was balanced on a levball. “Yeah?”

Raz grinned. “Wanna see me do a flip?” He asked, bouncing in place.

“O…kay?” That was weird. Raz never asked to do flips or cartwheels—he just did them, when he felt like it. Lili could tell he was planning something, but when she probed with her mind, a wave of mischievous winking and wait-and-sees blocked her out.

“Watch this!” Raz rolled his levball, looking ready to launch into a flip—

“Ow!” Raz declared, stumbling forwards, levball popping beneath him. His knees hit the dirt, and his head was quick to follow, only for his arms to hit the ground first and transfer his momentum into a somersault. A somersault that ended with him prone on the ground, face in the dirt as he groaned, but a somersault nonetheless.

“Wh—are you okay?” Lili grabbed Raz’ shoulder, hauling him back up. He flopped down, limp against her hold, and Lili almost dropped him floundering for something she could use to help—

Raz rolled over, throwing his arm over his forehead. “Lili…” He groaned, face pinched in pain.

“What?” Lili demanded, kneeling down beside him. “Did you break something?”

“I need…” Raz sighed dramatically, one eye cracking open to look at her before slipping closed again, “I need first aid.” He said, his other hand falling over his chest. “Because I hurt my knees falling head over heels for you.” He finished, his head lolling to the side and his tongue falling out of his mouth with one, final, “blegh.”

Lili froze. All of her earlier panic slammed face-first into the wall of realization as it hit her what Raz was actually doing. “You—” Her face burned, her chest suddenly very light—almost weightless. The ground fell away from her, Raz sinking down as that weightless feeling grew out from her chest into her arms and legs. She curled up, burying her face in her knees to muffle a flustered scream as the ground continued to sink down away from her. Unfair! That was so unfair!

“Lili?!” Raz’ eyes were open wide now as he stared up at her. She floated a little higher, squeezing her knees against her chest as though it might soothe the fire burning up her brain. Stupid cute boys with heroic streaks who were nice and cute and made her want to bite her own pigtails and punch him in the shoulder—

Raz’ hands grabbed onto her arm, pulling Lili from her thoughts. He was standing on a levball, arms stretched as far as he could reach in order to grab onto Lili before she floated off entirely.

“Stop being so cute.” Lili grumbled, uncurling just enough to grab Raz’ hands in hers.

“I could say the same to you.” Raz flirted back, the weightlessness coming back in full force. Lili gasped, fumbling for a response that would send Raz floating right up into the air with her—

No words came to mind. Their feelings intertwined, and Raz floated up without Lili needing to say anything at all.

It took a long time for them to come back down.

[crossbackpoke-check]

it’s all the rest of what i want with you

connor dewar/brandon duhaime :: 8k

Summary:

“Brandon,” Connor says with a sigh. “There’s no baby in there.”

“Not yet,” Brandon says. Connor feels his stomach twist, almost like what he would imagine a baby kicking to feel like.

in these trying times of dewvorce, may i offer you 8k of pwp inspired by @stillfertile’s wonderful art which i had. several breakdowns about 🫶 anyway please enjoy!!!

[georgieluz]

– did you love me when he was just my friend?

papa i don't need a preacher / i ain't some kind of creature / from some old double feature / i just wanna make you proud / of the kind of love i've found / but you say it ain't allowed / say it's a sin / but it's how i've always been / did you love me when he was just my friend? / daddy, do you think i've turned out right?

george luz, son of a small town preacher, grew up hearing that all love is heaven sent, that it's holy and true in all its forms. it was told to him every night before he closed his eyes and by the time he reaches adulthood, it's a core part of his nature. love is good. welcomed and encouraged. he sees it in the way his father glances at his mother, sat next to him in the second pew, before he begins every sermon, and he sees it in the quiet support she always gives back. he feels it every day when his dog licks at the palm of his hand whilst he sits restlessly on the front porch, wondering if there's something more out there than this one small town.

love is good. welcomed. encouraged. he meets the new hire at foxtail creek, a small ranch about a mile outside the town border, in the summer. the newcomer mostly keeps to himself, a rancher looking for temporary work. george can't help but be intrigued by the first outsider he's met in months and takes it upon himself to befriend the man. he'd always been good at making friends, most just pass through, or eventually move away, but george had always been content with the fact that his self-proclaimed wit and charm managed to win them over for however long they gave him. slowly, as he and the rancher become more and more intwined, george begins to realise that, in his neck of the woods, not all love is sent from above, at least not in the eyes of his friends and family.

– playlist for fic: heaven sent

– cowboy collab: #easy company cowboys

[good-beanswrites]

My translyrics for Salamander, written out under the cut :D

This one was much more difficult than the last, but I'm still very satisfied with it! 😤 I'm both sad that my version lost a lot of the fun soundplay of the original, and also waaay more impressed with the lyrics and vocals after digging it like this! I tried to keep it balanced between the original and Fuuta's version, though maybe it ended up leaning more toward the cover, idk. Leaving my specific notes in the tags 👍

Salamander~ Hot's nice, don't you agree? This pa- passion's fine, see?

"But" isn't what I wanna hear, so say "more" loud and clear.

It's heating up all through my mind when I'm with you.

I want a taste, but all this spice may prove more than I can take, (eh?)

Something's on your mind. So spit it out and tell me, don't waste my time, kay?

I'm hooked on this, pass me a dish.

The way I'm starving here without you -- it's a crime

A spicy treat, put on repeat,

Can I get seconds with the same heat? One more time!

Salamander~ Hot's nice, don't you agree? This pa- passion's fine, see?

"But" isn't what I wanna hear, so say "more" loud and clear.

It's heating up all through my mind when I'm with you.

I can't stop anything, although I wouldn't want to stop, oh no --

Take a breath, it's best to cool down or you earn yourself a burn.

I want a bite, I can't help giving in to this new appetite.

Again, again, I want to be on fire when I get to the end.

We live too fast, we burn to ash,

I never handled spices well and it's a crime.

A spicy treat, put on repeat,

Can I get seconds with the same heat? One more time!

I want to burn bright red

I want to burn bright red

Salamander~ Hot's nice, don't you agree? This pa- passion's fine, see?

"But" isn't what I wanna hear, so say "more" loud and clear.

Tell me I'm not alone in my mind!

Salamander~ Look what's happened to me. This pa- passion's crazy

Tell me I'm not delirious, I'm being serious.

It's heating up all through my mind when I'm with you.

I can't stop anything, although I wouldn't want to stop, oh no --

Take a breath, it's best to cool down or you earn yourself a burn.

I want to leave I want to go, but I can never stop, oh no --

Take a breath, it's best to cool down or you earn yourself a burn.

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

remembered bout beans's existence... i adore him sm for some reason

[pocket-ghostie]

I have been thinking about Ace Attorney So Much lately so here is my ace attorney playlist and which songs are which characters! (I absolutely have thoughts about these songs more in depth... if you wanna hear feel free to send me an ask.... I have been thinking about ace attorney for months now...)

Quick disclamer and warning that I have only played the first three games, and also I have played the first three games so there will be spoilers!

The first three I have because of animatics! (And you should watch them, and if already have, watch them again!!!)

Hero by Faouzia! (Awesome Animatic by Modoo) Phoenix and Edgeworth <3

Look What You Made Me Do by Taylor Swift (Lovely Animatic by delightful mochas) The ace attorney games in general

The Garden by The Crane Wives!!!!!! (Amazing Animatic by Kiwinatorwaffles) Edgeworth <3

Anymore by CircusP/Vocacircus. This is a Godot song for sure!

My Boy by Billie Eilish, Dahlia signing about Feenie

She Doesn't Sleep by Anthony Amorim, is a Dahlia song!!!!! It's So Dahlia <3

One Day by Vocacircus, Mia singing to Godot <3

Can't Stop Me Now by The Score, this is a Edgeworth song but Only the first verse. The rest of the song doesn't fit him, but the first verse sure does.

Breathe by Vocacircus (Cover by nostraightanswer), definitely Godot singing about Dahila no doubt about it! (SUCH a Good Godot song!)

Teeth by 5 seconds of summer, Phoenix singing about his confusion between Iris and Dahlia <3

Someone New by Vocacircus, switches between Phoenix and Edgeworth a lot. Also (I think the bridge?) Dahlia sneeks in there (Phoenix starts singing about Dahlia)

Villain by Stella Jang (english cover by Justine's Mic), absolutely a Dahlia song. Maybe singing to Iris? Could also be singing to Godot, or both.

Monster by Kira... Dahila again <3 for most of the song she is singing to Feenie/phoenix, but the bridge is her signing to Mia.

Golden by The Score is phoenix, probably first game phoenix. It's a very hopeful song, I could see it working for the whole trilogy too.

Ok... that's my phoenix wright playlist <3

Love analyzing music and video games and stories and and and.... <3

[size-two-shrimp]

Thinking about Hell (entity)

[rookanisstuff]

“I wanna take you in the kitchen. Lift up your wedding dress someone was probably murdered in.”

[frenchtwistresistance]

Standing in the Rainbow by Fannie Flagg

Uncle Floyd Has a Fit

[dancing-dawn]

Reblogging this as a little thanks shoutout [and extensive rant of my thoughts and feelings in the tags] to @gothicmatter for incidentally introducing me to the song that inspired this whole thing and which I listened to for 2 days straight on repeat. They deemed it as the "sskk bsd 121.5 wedding anthem" and I unironically couldn't agree more:

london after midnight – sacrifice

And if you're in need of extra SSKK self-sacrificial feelings, I shall provide some more music to go with the poem (that I also listened to while writing):

I'll cry at night (post-rock, indie-rock, alternative playlist) by nagashiナガシ

The heartless cur, with heart ablaze

a sskk psychoanalitic canonical angst poem by yours truly!

Summary:

A question, rid of doubt, Met a spirit most devout. “Just the two of us?” he pondered, Yet conviction never faltered.

A poem from Knight Akutagawa's POV, a dive through his mind and heart during the events of chapter 119 onward, until the post-credits scene of S5.

Read on ao3, here clicky.

Or if you prefer here:

A knight reborn with purpose clear,

To rid the world of death and fear.

He strikes with newfound resolve,

For the sins of man to be absolved.

Until he hears a panicked voice,

Begging him to make a choice.

To save himself from slaughter

And protect his treasured daughter.

And his hand shall not be reckless,

If he wants to free the helpless.

But his prowess would be bested

By a creature most detested,

A mortal turned a god,

A truly wicked fraud.

In the vile vessel’s grasp,

With a faint and muted gasp,

He falls a pray to beast

Who’d relish in his feast

Of cursed souls, corrupt;

A pure world to construct.

A sudden slash would catch his eye,

The strangest phrase, perhaps a lie.

Till he’s pinned aghast in place

By an almost tender gaze.

Eyes that have entrapped the sunset,

Bearing not an inkling of regret.

Familiar words, a recognition

Of a far forgotten mission.

A sacrifice, his heart ablaze

For companion he couldn’t chase.

A scream tearing through space,

Through time and pain’s embrace.

A heartless cur.

Mind a blur.

In need to be stronger -

Mayhap no longer.

Trust. Sincerity.

Become a Singularity.

Shared affection, 

Mutual protection.

A feeling unnamed,

That couldn’t be tamed.

But now left fractured and torn,

For he just lost half his soul.

. . .

The fight was cruel, frightening, 

Enough to send him spiraling,

Grasping at the memory

Of a long forgotten enemy.

A shadow of the past,

That wasn’t meant to last.

But now a close companion

He wouldn’t dare abandon,

Not until his cursed lungs

Have sung their final verse. 

He swore he would protect him

From the fate forever grim - 

To be a weapon of destruction,

Devoid of human function.

The knight revealed his shield

Amidst the haunting barren field.

Soft-spoken words of reassurance,

To preserve his friend’s endurance.

A question, rid of doubt,

Met a spirit most devout.

“Just the two of us?” he pondered,

Yet conviction never faltered.

“Do we need any more?”

To win this godforsaken war.

They were bonded as a pair

In a world most unfair.

But through love unshaken, trust,

The devil shall be turned to dust.

[kathaelipwse]

You Can Take It, Right? | S.Mingi

MDNI 18+

Song recs: Friends by Chase Atlantic | Take you down by Chris Brown | Say my name by ateez | Red lights by Skz |

Warnings: Heavy sexual tension, explicit dirty talk, mutual pining, teasing, best-friends-to-lovers energy, Mingi being a menace, mild language, hot & messy make-out session.

Trope: Best Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Friends Who Flirt Too Much, Slow Burn with a Payoff

WC: 781 words

Synopsis:

What starts as harmless teasing turns into something far more dangerous when Mingi decides he’s done playing around. Trapped between him and the couch, you’re forced to answer the question—will you push him away or pull him closer?

Author’s Note:

I had way too much fun writing this, and I hope you enjoy Mingi being an absolute menace with that dirty mouth of his. The tension? Thick. The teasing? Dangerous. And that payoff? Worth the wait. LMK if you want a part two! 😉

You should’ve known better than to challenge Song Mingi.

It started off the way it always did—banter, teasing, stolen glances that lasted too long to be friendly. You were used to pushing each other’s buttons, toeing the line but never quite stepping over it. Until tonight.

It was just the two of you, sprawled out on his couch after a movie, the soft glow of the screen flickering over his face. The teasing had started when he caught you staring.

"Like what you see?" he’d smirked, stretching his arms over his head, his hoodie riding up just enough to show a glimpse of his toned stomach.

You rolled your eyes, trying to act unaffected. "Please. You’re all talk."

That was the mistake.

Because the second those words left your mouth, Mingi shifted—his lazy smirk sharpening into something darker, something unreadable.

"All talk, huh?" His voice was lower now, dipping into that deep, husky register that made your stomach tighten.

Before you could react, he moved—one arm bracing against the back of the couch, the other pressing into the cushion beside your hip, caging you in effortlessly.

The air changed.

Mingi wasn’t smiling anymore. His eyes dragged over your face, slow and deliberate, lingering on the way your lips parted, your breath suddenly uneven.

"You can take it, right?" he murmured, and fuck. The way he said it—like a challenge, like a promise—sent a shiver straight through you.

You swallowed, trying to keep your voice steady. "Mingi—"

He hummed, dipping his head until his lips hovered just above your ear. His breath was warm against your skin, his voice a deep rasp that made your stomach flip.

"Look at you," he mused. "All quiet now. Wasn’t so cocky a second ago."

You clenched your fists, fighting the urge to squirm. "Shut up."

Mingi chuckled, the sound low and smug. "Make me."

Your breath caught.

He was still so close, his body heat sinking into you, his scent—clean, warm, Mingi—wrapping around you like a trap. But it wasn’t just his presence. It was his voice—the way he was dragging this out, letting his words settle over your skin, heavy and thick.

"If I touched you right now," he murmured, his lips just barely grazing your jaw, "would you push me away… or pull me closer?"

You should’ve pushed him away.

You should’ve.

But instead, your fingers twitched, itching to grab the front of his hoodie and pull. And Mingi saw. His smirk widened, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips as he let out a low chuckle.

"That’s what I thought."

Your patience snapped.

With one sharp tug, you fisted his hoodie and yanked him down.

Mingi barely had time to react before your lips crashed into his. And for a second, he froze—like he hadn’t actually expected you to cross the line first. But then he moved.

A groan rumbled from his chest as he kissed you back, deep and hungry, his hands gripping your waist, pulling you flush against him. The shift sent you sprawling back onto the couch, Mingi following without hesitation, pressing you into the cushions as his weight settled over you.

His mouth was hot, his lips parting just enough for his tongue to brush against yours, slow and teasing. His fingers dug into your hips, keeping you pinned beneath him, his body pressing into yours like he needed to be closer.

"Fuck," he muttered against your lips, breathless. "You taste better than I imagined."

Your fingers tangled in his hair, tugging just enough to make him groan. "You imagined this?"

Mingi grinned against your mouth, his teeth grazing your lower lip before sucking it between his teeth, biting down just enough to make your breath hitch. "Baby, you have no idea."

The way he said it—low, rough, possessive—sent a full-body shiver through you.

And then he was everywhere. His lips trailed along your jaw, down the column of your neck, each kiss punctuated by a hushed whisper, a dirty little confession. "Been thinking about this for so long." A slow, open-mouthed kiss to your collarbone. "The way you look at me? Drives me insane." His teeth scraped against your skin, making your fingers tighten in his hair.

"Mingi—"

He groaned, his hands tightening around your hips as he rocked against you, his breath coming out in a shaky exhale. "Say my name like that again, and I swear I won’t stop at just kissing you."

Heat flooded through you.

But before you could respond, his phone buzzed on the coffee table.

The sudden noise snapped you both back to reality, your heaving breaths the only sound filling the room. Mingi didn’t move right away—his forehead still resting against yours, his fingers still gripping your hips like he was this close to saying screw it and going all the way.

You let out a shaky laugh. "Guess we got a little carried away."

Mingi groaned, dropping his head into the crook of your neck. "Worst timing ever."

You nudged him playfully. "You gonna check that?"

"Absolutely not."

You giggled, finally pushing at his chest until he let you sit up. But when you looked at him, his dark, hooded eyes were still locked on you, his lips kiss-swollen, his breathing uneven.

"This isn’t over," he murmured, tilting your chin up with his fingers.

You swallowed hard. "No?"

His smirk returned, slow and dangerous. "Oh, baby… I’ve barely even started."

---