#this scene destroyed me emotionally 🥺😭

[allmyandroids]

[safekeeperscosm]

tell me EVERYTHING about the SVTFOE cleaved AU, it's so good

OUGHFJFK UMM.. OKAY!!

Cleaved AU is a self-indulgent canon-divergent hypothetical rewrite @saik0m0che and I have been working on (passively 💀) since the end of svtfoe s3. but I've always had this sort of idea/concept from mid s2

other than maybe a few minor changes for s1-2, post battle for mewni is straight up where I take the reigns

first of all. Toffee doesn't die.

but star DOES still "kill him" at the end of BFM, it's just that I refuse to let his soul pass on (for unfinished business!)

the premise here takes from s2's emotionally charged magic of star's wand crystal being cleaved apart, to then cleaving her & toffee's souls together. which means they share all of each other's pain haha! so bcuz they're together, you can't kill or crystallize toff since that would harm star

but how? idk man something abt the two of them being in the realm of dying butterfly magic at the same time. something abt how toffee is no longer flesh, only decaying essence. something abt how star sorta died and came back to life just as she saved the realm. he's like a parasite!

I hc he wasn't gonna live long after BFM if star hadn't killed him off anyway. but still :(

not only does this "murderer" have to live with star at the castle (likely in the dungeon first, they'd want to break the bond of their souls), he's missing 90% of his memories — because star brutally obliterated him & he spent a very long time in the magic realm alone chanting the same spell over and over again

on the bright side, eclipsa later finds company in him, even doe he doesn't remember her (but very much trusts her 🥺)

oh yeah he & eclipsa dated in the past and became good friends after (Globgor was the one who introduced them shsghsj)

second. Glossaryck stays dead.

or rather isn't physically there with the main cast. he can't die, he just decided to let things unfold and watch at a distance

he does come around for Meteora's Lesson

rest in pudding is when star & toffee are officially cleaved! she starts asphyxiating from time to time after the funeral scenes and especially while chasing Glossy's "ghost"/reflections. he leads her to a crystallized toffee and THAT'S when they meet again. it also gives me a fun reason to do a parallel scene (redraw lol) of moon & eclipsa

you just KNOW rhombulus is gonna go through the hardest time here and he is my boy <3

lastly, SEPTARSIS!!!

this needs some episode rearranging, but maybe after Butterfly Trap, star & toffee go on a trip to septarsis with yvgeny to find a way to cleave their souls and potentially get toffee's memories back. star introduces herself as Star Johansen since everyone there hates the Butterflys. she sticks with the name from that point on

toffee does regain his memories (but can't recall them all at once, it's a process that takes time) and star is met with the revelation that he & celena were in love, making him her great great grandfather. it's also revealed how toffee managed to make the magic realm decay, and that celena was the one who helped him

oh yeah. other things;

marco pretends he's fine for his friends & family, trying to hide the fact he misses star, so his parents convince him to be the exchange student for once. but since he has dimensional scissors anyway, he visits every 1-2 weeks? not sure abt jarco. long distance? still breakup? ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

he might still be an unofficial squire cause that's for fun

Pony Head CAN get a prosthetic horn. but she actually goes through some kind of character development 😭

Ludo ??? I wanna do something for him I just dunno what. Yvgeny doesn't leave so ???

the Meteora arc ??? is paced better ???

Tom is fine Tom is great

this is ofc mostly s3 as s4 makes me so angry and bored fgshjs,, in the end magic is still "destroyed" and that's how star & toffee are finally free of each other. toffee gets to fight & kill mina while the redemption spell is cast, and he's reunited with celena to peacefully pass on :)

also the MHC aren't killed off nor is "Earthni" a thing 🤮

I'm definitely forgetting a lot of other stuff! plus the au's not wholly developed aha

[noa-ciharu]

What’s your favorite headcanon of Fuukam?

What’s your favorite canon moment of Seisub?

Fave fuukam headcanon?

I always liked the "I'll go unhealthy miles to save you" type of trope thus I'm a fan of idea that Kamui was meant to die sacrificing himself for earth and Fuuma wants to destroy the earth before Kamui gets a chance to (and maybe along the way he'd trigger the same fate he's been trying to avoid because X is all about fate being cruel). This is probably meant to be canon anyways, but I love the idea that Fuuma and doe!Kamui share the same wish: to protect Kamui and have him live. Now, why does he hurt Kamui then, that's sort of tricky. But I guess in X love comes in all shape and sizes and just cuz Fuuma's love for Kamui is strong it doesn't mean it's healthy

So yea - maybe Fuuma is somehow destroying the world for Kamui's sake (or maybe even that's Kamui's subconscious wish) cuz to him Kamui matter much more than world itself 😭💔

Fave canon seisub moment?

Ugh just one? 🥺😭 can I say bet end scene cuz that's what made me ship seisub to begin with? 😂 my masochistic self fell in love with pain and suffering

Oke jokes aside in TB I'd say ending scene in 'crime' chap where emotionally vulnerable Subaru goes to Seishirou's place to seek comfort. It's just, extent of how much Subaru trusted him and was in dire need of someone who simply understands him that gets to me 😭😭😭 the thing with Seishirou is that at some moments he understands Subaru oh so amazingly well but at others he fails completely. I'd say latter ones are mostly about Subaru's emotions for him since Seishirou could never wrap his mind around how he's truly special to Subaru

As for X if we got a scene where we see Seishirou upset about Subaru's injury or generally less than composed about what Subaru means to him then that'll easily be my fave scene. Cuz angst. Cuz yearning. Cuz 😎 angsting 🥺🙏 but aside that I love all scenes where Subaru is thinking and obsessing over Seishirou: his yearning expression after Seishirou leaves Nakano plaza, that one extra chap, hospital scene when Yuzuriha gave him a bunny plushie, vol16 scene when he kisses marks on hands that engraved into my mind 😭😭😭

[montanababe7]

Wrote this two years ago: Thankful 🥲 to Jesus🙏🏼🙌🏼

But God. I don’t know any other way to start this post.

I had an encounter with Jesus that still just stops me in my tracks. I don’t expect anyone to read this with a dry eye, nor do I think you’ll be able to.

You see, I thought I was permanently & emotionally broken and that was just how things were. I didn’t know that Jesus could completely free me from my cptsd.

Let’s go back to 2008. I had joined an internship that left me emotionally scarred and broken for at least one decade.

Fast forward to 2022-The next moment…is what brings me to my knees I’m thankful to Jesus. Jesus asked me audibly if I wanted to be made whole. He asked me this at least three times…if not more🥺. My first time thought was, ‘yes, of course Jesus. But if you heal me of my cptsd; who will I be?’ He responded back immediately, ‘that’s not what I asked you. I asked you if you wanted to be made whole. It was a command. Not a question. Do you want to be made whole?’

I said, ‘yes, Jesus😭. I’m done being broken and angry on the inside all the time. I just want to stop hurting.’

Seconds later, but I’m sure it was instantaneously, I saw myself back at go ministries international-a part of where my cptsd was stemmed from. I was all alone in the woods….just done with everything. It was during the com m u n i s m game the core leaders had instigated. It was pouring outside. I had found a perfect rock. Jesus spoke to me again, ‘I sent someone right then to stop you from attempting to end your life. The timing could not have been more crucial than you’ll understand. The person I sent over; had no idea they were part of saving your life. I worked through them to rescue you.’

Jesus than showed me another scene. He asked me..’do you remember when you were so depressed and a su icidal when you were sneaking showers so no one would know what you were planning? I sent my guardian and ministering angels to you at that exact moment just as you had the r a z o r poised at your arm and they took those things out of your hands-saving your life. You had simply thought right than that you just changed your mind. Nope, there was a war going on for your destiny. Little did you know just how close you were to end ing your life right than.’ I, of course am bawling my eyes out at that point. I could feel years of pain, heaviness, and heartache melting away. It wasn’t a small trickle of emotions; it was a flood. I wept as I had never wept before.

Jesus spoke something else to my heart. He said to me, ‘My beloved daughter Jessica, you have spent years removing the spiritual grave clothes off of others; revealing a gorgeous gown or tuxedo for others. It’s beyond time that the spiritual grave clothes come off you too. It’s time for you to really live.’ In that moment, I started seeing chains ⛓ being broken in the realms of the spirit.

Jesus asked me another question. He said, ‘it’s time for you to stop hating your mom. She was parenting you out of her own brokenness. You must fully forgive her. The pain and hurt that you’ve held onto over the many years-has been destroying you. Let that pain go. Forgive her. Love her from a distance.’

I turn to mike and tell him, ‘I’m not hurting anymore. I don’t feel angry any more. Jesus just now healed my cptsd. Completely. The pain is gone.’

There’s a softness around my eyes that I haven’t seen in quite some time. Ok, it’s been years. I don’t need to keep walls up anymore. I can be free to feel and not shut down.

I’ve been weeping more than I ever have. But, in a good way. I no longer feel the need to hold back my tears or to prevent myself to cry. I’m finally my age at 35 and not as someone who’s ancient. I feel younger in a good way. Jesus has done this. He’s done all of it.

So when I say-but God. I mean every word of it.

Jesus saved me. It’s that simple. I am here

For a purpose. I’m still learning and discovering what it all means. But. Now, I am

Whole. Jesus can do there impossible in your life, too. I know this to be true…because he’s done it in mine🥺

Love you all,

Jessica.

[higheldertala]

wild blue yonder commentary

okay im done being dramatic about this episode, it was fine i guess

the isaac newton scene was very random. sure the joke was funny but does the scene have a point? idk, does it matter if there’s a point, is it fine just being a joke? im over thinking this

‘he’s got a time machine which means he can blame me for all eternity’ 😂

‘isaac newton that you above all others can appreciate the gravity of the situation’ theyre so unserious 😂 i love them

‘is it knackered?’ i love how british that was

i love how we got rid of the sonic for the episode! 🎉🎉🎉 slay

the green screen is very noticeable unfortunately

doctor companion arguing!! we love to see actual conflict again

hand kiss!! ��🥰🥰🥰 this is my roman empire. there’s something so tender about it, i love it so much. can david tennant kiss my hand like that?

‘once spent three years in orbit’ is this a reference to something? bc nothing is coming to mind

i didn’t say this out loud so you’ll just have to trust me but i called it that donna named the robot jimbo

‘can you still hear me? no.’ i love their banter. no other doctor companion duo banters like they do

‘it’s okay, im here, i’ve got you’ 🥺🥺🥺 i love how doctor actually cares about his companions (side eyes a certain era)

when the ‘non-things’ have the warped body parts i don’t see this is as body horror more just goofy to me. not that dw can’t be goofy i suppose

but it’s good to know they used at least some practical effects rather than just wholly cgi

the bit where both doctor and donna go into different rooms is clever directing, definitely keeps the audience guessing who’s who

i don’t like the idea that donna saw the past ‘15 years’ of the doctor. as it would implies there’s a constant link between them as the doctordonna which just seems unnecessary to me. and if she just forgets it anyway what’s the point?

not sure how i feel about rtd referencing the timeless child and flux arcs. (from a writing perspective) the emotional impact should really have been 13’s and not 14’s and so in a way feels unearned. anytime this gets mentioned by russell really just highlights how chibnall never addressed/ emotionally completed these arcs. i feel like rtd should focus on 14’s arc escpecially since we only have a few episodes with them. it shouldn’t be rtd’s responsibility to mop up the mess from the chibnall era and i wouldn’t hold it against him for not bringing it up again. i suppose russell has more fondness for his friend’s work than i do lol

but from an in universe perspective it’s a good emotional scene for the doctor i guess

‘it destroy half the universe because of me’ so the universe WAS destroyed and not repaired from the flux? i don’t want to do this discourse again 😭 please russell don’t make me think about flux again, haven’t we suffered enough?

‘donna is that you? all those years. i missed you’ 🥺🥺🥺 so cruel for the doctor to be baited by the non-thing as he so desperately wants that comfort from donna 🥺

i fear the ‘who’s who’ gimmick gets a tad repetitive

‘i look quite good’ war flashbacks to moffat selfcest jokes 😭🤮

i appreciate the comedy of the revolving door with the doctor and donna thinking they’re safe for it to immediately rotate back around

i fear this has very chibnall-esque the doctor just tells us the solution rather than the audience being shown :/

i don’t understand why slowness confuses the ‘non things’ but sure

you always look goofy running on a green screen im sorry

i’ve never heard the wild blue yonder song before so the tardis appearing all ethereal playing it is so random to me

catherine tate always brings out her best acting for doctor who

i never believed she was gonna be left there and die though, i don’t know why people thought this?? was it just a stressful episode for people?

hug!! 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

there’s nothing better than the doctor kissing donna on the head. this is how i always want the doctor to be 🥹🥹🥹

WILF!!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 it’s so lovely to see him and the dedication to bernard cribbins at the end

‘now i feel better, now nothing is wrong, nothing in the whole wide world’ 😭😭😭

the heavy breathing in the end theme tune is awful, who added this in? 😭😭😭 i beg they get rid of this for ncuti’s era.

concluding thoughts: upon a rewatch, the episode is fine, but i don’t think it’s anything groundbreaking. why they made a big deal of keeping this episode secret is puzzling. perhaps intentional marketing to cause hype/ speculation? i think it would work better if this was just a standard episode in the middle of a season but i don’t really understand how this fits in with the anniversary celebrations. as always the doctor and donna are great and i love their dynamic, with all the emotional beats and banter. i enjoyed the star beast more, perhaps it had more of a novelty to david tennant as the doctor and donna returning and the star beast works as a somewhat call back to the franchise. maybe the horror aspect didn’t land for me like it did for other people. i wouldn’t say it was bad overall but rather just okay it’s get 6/10. and maybe for an anniversary special i wanted something with a bit more oomph. and yes maybe i would be partial to a bit of fan servicey cameos i won’t deny it, but i recognise im not entitled to as a fan so we’ll take the L. i hope the giggle will deliver on the oomph but we shall see.

[aserranopepper]

Thanks for the helpful info guys. Since the new episodes and seeing this picnic scene, I honestly just go to bed visualizing scenes like this and imagining me as Marinette. I feel so much love inside and I haven't felt inlove in forever but I can get myself to feel her emotions there. And then I was told I was doing SATS. Which is ..mindblowing because I always do that when I think about moments of fav characters. Or my friend and I would roleplay characters from our fav shows and these were really emotional scenes, and I could feel the emotions, cry, and visualize what was happening.

So I was close to my wr, then my Miraculous dr, then my writing and animation dr, and well now I'm back to being closest to my Miraculous dr and having dreams of the characters and dreams of playing the characters. I was able to jump off and on buildings and feel the wind in my hair and on my skin in my dream. 😌

And well this cartoon will emotionally destroy me lmao. And I'm a sap for romance and emotional stuff in all my cartoons. 🥺 But so far this has been the most romantic series I've ever seen and I want that. And I wish I had someone like Adrien growing up, I'm like Marinette clumsy and anxious, and I have anxiety. And people would force me to kiss them or say you need to kiss me by the end of the week or it's over. I'd get anxiety and run away. I always wanted someone who asks for consent, goes slow and at my pace, is respectful and a gentleman to me. 😭 And I'm gonna script that for my dr bf and make him adore me how much Adrien does when he's inlove with Marinette. It's so freaking adorable and why aren't any guys like that here. Fffffff.

[gilmores-glorious-blog]

star trek beyond thoughts!!! this was probably my favorite of the aos movies it was really good 🥺🥺

- “i ripped my shirt again.” ahsktdjahtjfjsh this is the best possible reference to the madness that is tos jim kirk and his absurd amount of destroyed shirts

- poor pavel being broke up with :/ i would never do that to you baby

- oH mckirk rights this scene with them drinking together is making me emotional!!

- obsessed with a) pavel having insanely fancy alcohol when he’s barely even drinking age and b) bones stealing said alcohol from him

- ben sulu!!! and demora sulu!!!!! gay hikaru rights!!!!!!!

- nooooo spock prime :,(

- holy shit the whole sequence of the ship being attacked/destroyed was so fucking sad and intense,, i was not expecting this so early in the movie

- pav looks so scared and sad throughout the aforementioned scene i just want to hug him 🥺🥺

- when pavel was talking about the rest of the crew and said “captain… what if they-” and jim interrupted and just went “no. no.” …. i am. Heartbroken. actually.

- jim and pavel look SO fucking good in those blue suits it’s insane

- scotty is actually an icon and my hero i love him so much,, what a dork,,,

- jaylah,,,,, hot,,

- god i adore the pairing up of pavel and jim so much,, they are the loves of my life and i care about them both and their dynamic so so much

- krall’s so creepy wtf,, why’s he stealing the juice from these humans,,,

- fucking!! spones rights!!! with spock’s injury and their banter and their talk in the cave and the nice little references to jim/mcspirk,, i love this so much

- sulu realizing that krall is going to destroy the place where his husband and daughter are,, 😭

- obsessed with scotty introducing pavel and jim as “that wee man” and “that handsome bastard” (and obsessed with pavel’s little “ʰᵉˡˡᵒ” after he’s introduced)

- scotty and pavel hugging is so cute and so important to me 🥺🥺

- oh wow big spones rights?!!! holy shit this highkey just feels like a confession????

- oh the spirk/mcspirk in the next scene with them taking care of spock,, holy shit this is tender :,)

- spock quoting shakespeare……. kinda fruity of him 👀

- i’ve gotta hand it to jim, hiding the weapon thingy in the alien girl’s head was very clever

- “you gave your girlfriend a tracking device. 😐”

- noo syl i liked her 😩😩 plus she seemed to be close with uhura and sulu and those two do not need more trauma in their lives

- keenser and scotty being about to passionately embrace upon seeing each other again but abruptly changing to an awkward formal handshake… something something simon peg’s quote about them being gay for each other something something

- sulu is such a good (and confident) pilot and i love that for him!!

- while i’m a big fan of tos helm husbands, i do love the platonic moments between pavel and sulu in aos,, helm besties 😌

- not the shot of ben and demora running scared through yorktown 😭😩

- jim, realizing spock is implying bones join him in the evil drone ship: “he’s gonna love this.” cut to bones: “you want me to do what??!!!”

- star trek beyond?? more like star trek: spones banter.

- obsessed with them calling recent music “classical music” because like,, yEaH i gUeSs!!

- the ‘sabotage’ scene is so fucking epic,, love that they’re all jamming out while battling for their lives

- oh my GOD,, the plot twist with krill being the long assumed-dead captain was awesome,,, genuinely did not see that coming,,

- jim’s boyfriends saved him 🥺🥺

- THE PHOTO OF THE TOS CREW. I AM EMOTIONALLY COMPRIMSED.

- why is bones’ outfit in the last scene so hot—

- ah yes they’ve got to balance all the spones banter with some mckirk banter 😌

- all of their outfits at the surprise party omg!! i love seeing star trek characters in civilian clothing :,)

- ahrkgjshaktjg glad aos pavel got his own “invented in russia” moment

- formal wear spock. that is all.

- why the fuck did the keep one of the aliens from the beginning, name him kevin, and comment on him not wearing pants,,

- the whole crew saying the ending monologue made me So Goddamn Emotional and so so happy 🥺🥺😭

- oh fuck i’d been able to enjoy the movie in peace but the “in loving memory of leonard nimoy” and the “for anton” in the end credits hit me like a fucking freight train……

aNYWAYS sorry for this insanely long post but i genuinely loved these movies so much they were so much fun and it was so lovely to see all these characters again!!

[khaleesiofalicante]

Dawn il-lingwi jibqgħu jsiru aktar strambi.  Ħej!  Nittama li qed tagħmel aqwa u li x-xogħol ma jkunx wisq💙

So, today is a nice day. I had just 20 minutes of english class (its not that I dont like it, its just that I have been learning english all my life, so the level its boring) and I didnt have ethics (I hate ethics) I even got to sleep sometime at 2 p.m, so I'm not tired 😂 so, lets do it:

Bro, first of all THE SONGS!! And Achilles come down 😭 I'm really scared

YES!! My baby being the leader he is!!

We absolutely stan Camila!!!

YES ANJALI IS OKAY!!!

Gigi and Rafael: exist

Me: I stan before the Gods

Olivia is so amazing when she is cleaning Cortana.... Also, I agree

Rafael and Selena>>>>

Shadowhunters are idiots

Boy, you've got a big storm coming with Magnus and Max

“You can have the whole damn thing,” Lexi said sincerely. “I’ll cut off my wings and give them to you if you asked.” “That’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me,” Georgia said emotionally. (they are the cutest💙💙💙)

Leviathan you lil shit!! Honestly Thanks...

THAT FUCKING HUG!! I'VE BEEN WANTING FOR IT FOR SOOO LONG!!

“You are such an attention hoe.” “You literally died while I was grieving my boyfriend,” Max pointed out. “If anyone is an attention hoe, it’s you.” ✨THEM✨

"The next, he found himself back home.

"In the arms of his parents." OMG OMG I'M CRYING I LOVE IT HDHDKKD THIS IS TOO MUCH FEELINGS😭💙😭🥺

"His everything. His light. His love" Hjsidgkdje the parallel with Magnus thinking he love Rafael with everything💙💙💙

This scene cured everything in me <33

Yes they need to talk and everything but for now I just want then to hug!!! Only hugging!!! 

Magnus!!!! 😭

"But the warlock’s eyes were closed. He hugged the three of them even tighter" nO, please dont!

tmi and lbaf gang!!!

Anjali!! Kehdlheiebe I'm dying!!!

"And just like that, Rafael realized he would do everything he had done – all of it, all over again. For her" You cheesy bastard!! I love youuu

Rafael and Max comparing their loved ones with angels (fallen or not) >>>>>>>>>>

Even the Consul is afraid of Anjali😂

Yeah, we need that kiss!!!

HE CALLED HER AMOR!! I'M DYING AND LIVING AND HDJDVDK

I want to quote every single fucking thing here

"For she carried his heart inside her. So, he wanted to be careful." 💙!!!!!

HOLY FUCK THAT KISS YESSS!!!

ROSEWOOD SUPREMACY!!!

"It wasn’t the Accords Hall kiss he had hoped for.

But it was everything." BLESS💙💙💙

*sigh* Iike father, like son...

Nobody fucking thinks of hurting my girls..

The can return to Idris!! Wow

Stfu Kingsley!!

Simon and Clary speak the truth

Ugh I sometimes hate shadowhunters!! They may have a point tho?

Jem💙💙💙

Oh, so Alec knows...

Of course they had lost their minds

“Our son,” Alec had corrected with a smile. “Fuck Leviathan. Max is ours.” >>>>

My Magnus and Rafael feels!!!

Not to be the killjoy, but that plan sucks. Magnus agrees with me!! They dont see the power Asmodeus has

"These stupid nephilim." I apreciate the parallel... But really??

"This needs to end. And Magnus was going to end it." Not this shit again....

OMG Magnus walking in on Rosewood😂😂

Rafael is wise, we stan

“You do that a lot sometimes. You help people too much.” THIS💙 “Sometimes people need to help themselves. And we need to let them.” I FEEL THAT DEEPLY

“You’ll take care of him, right?” No. I dont like the sound of that.

"We need to go before the others reach seelie,” Oh dont fuck with me!! Really?? No, this cant be happening!!!

"But, uh, I didn’t really know what to say. Will you tell him though? Tell him I am sorry.” NO NO NO WAIT NO PLEASE NOOO

"I am sorry for ending our story this way." Everything hurted. But this killed me

He doesn’t deserve to die!! Jsisjsjnw this is pain. He cant die right????

I want to kill Asmodeus🔪🔪🔪

"Love Alec. Love him so much that he won’t miss me." Do you hear that? Thats my mental health being destroyed

No, they can find a way! He cant die! He needs to live!!!

What is happening?? WTF??

"Lying piece of shit." I mean... At least he is honest with himself...

Rafael🥺🥺

“You be good, you little shit.” Ouch 

David is beautiful💙💙

🥺🥺Them!! They are so cute!! 💙💜💙Stupid, in love dorks 😂

"Because everything David ever did or said to him only meant one thing. I love you. I love you. I love you."  He is basically an angel. Better than Raziel

This is so cute but its hurting😭

Max being oblivious at 14😂

"Possible imprisonment?” Thats what stops everyone right??

David please stops saying this beautiful things!!! I'm trying to stay calm🥺🥺

Oh shit...  "Don't hate me" fucking hurted💔

"And people who loved that much were truly the most dangerous of them all" David is badass and soft and we love him💙💙

Fuck you, Asmodeus!

No, no, no what is he going to do!??

Bro, you cant do that. You cant play with my feelings like that with the "I'm sorry" Why am I crying??

HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT?? NO NO NO AND NO. THIS CANT HAPPEN. HE WONT GIVE MAGNUS RIGHT?? ITS A PLAN?? WTF??

"Max was going to sacrifice his magic." Mmm not quite...

The butterfly!! 🥺😭😭

I dont know if I can still feel another emotion after this...

CHOPIN!! He is the real MVP!!

"Because Max wouldn’t. Max would never." I trust David. He wouldn’t, right?

"He lived there after all. It wasn’t dark. It was beautiful. Light and lovely and colorful and full of chaos. He loved it there." 💙💙💙

"Magnus Bane walked through the portal." HOLY FUCK HE REALLY IS HERE???

No Magnus please!!! 😭

“I wanted him to know what it feels like, Now he knows.” Ok, now I know this is a plan. He is a lot of things. BUT. He is not cruel. Its a plan :)

"If anyone is poison here, it’s your boyfriend.” NO. FUCK YOU

YES ITS A PLAN!

JESUS FUCKING GOD OMG IS MINA!!!

CORTANA!! Ok, I take all back. I can feel emotions again!!

Hell yeah!! Same Mina

He is pissing off Asmodeus.. This better be a plan. Honeslty I'm still enjoying this :))

“I know what it feels like to grow up safe . My father never had that and he never will – not as long as you exist!” THIS. THIS IS THE REAL TEA

I LOVE THIS BASTARD

CALL HIM OUT BABE!! 

"But Max. Max grinned. He grinned like a maniac as he reached out and grabbed the ball of red fire." OMG, omg omg I love him wow I'm just wow

Thats it bitch!! He is an eldest curse!!

He looked at David and smiled. “I have everything it takes right next to me.” 💙💙💙

"Baby,” he whispered softly. “Count to ten for me.” (OK, this made me really emo, like🥺🥺 its the only thing that can calm him and its just beautiful man😭)

THE POWER THAT THIS BITCH HAS. I REST MY CASE. HE IS THE REAL MVP

"David Beauchamp,” Max mouthed. “I fucking love you.” (I'm sure I have experimented all the shock that is left in this earth for me)

"It was like watching a star explode." Ohhhh, it makes sense now!!

HOLY FUCK PORTALS!! HUNDREDS OF THEM. I CANT PUR IN WORDS THE HAPPINESS I FEEL AND THE ENERGY. WOW

YES my gang is here!!!! And they have the weapon?!?!

Max pulled a Endgame right here

That scene. That fucking scene. Why the fuck I this just perfect?? How do you write this on a daily basis???

"The sky kept exploding with Max’s magic – the sky looked blue now. Blue like that butterfly" Nobody fucking touches me. This is all I'll think about in the next day💙💙💙

"Max had brought the entire shadow world." I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH. I forgive you for the pain you have out me through

“You will never hurt my father again,” Max said as a soft grin appeared on the corner of his face. (the fuck is this? This is the synonym of perfection and that image will be in my mind forever. I'm too surprised and amazed and wow)

"And Max fell to the ground." FUCK. This means Magnus' dream is coming true??? Shit shit shit

Holy fuck. That chapter was. I just have no words. I'm really speachless. It was just too much. And it was fucking beautiful.

So, its 7 a.m and I'm whispering all the plot of this chapter as if I'm speaking to someone else, so you can say I LOVED it 💙

Ok, li kien fucking selvaġġ. Inħobbha kompletament. Addio! Nittama li inti tista 'tgawdi l-bajja!

I loved this so much! Idk what language this is and I’m too drunk to google sorry 😭😭

Also love how you’re the only person who noticed the obligatory cockblocking by Magnus 🤣🤣🤣🤣

ily 💙

[creepweirdo]

It does feel like a good match! I can’t give away my exact kpop obsession because I’ve been posting about them on my previously no kpop blog so it might give away some of the ~mystery~ of who I am (probably not because fandom is big but just in case). My favourite boys have done some blackpink covers so I started listening to more of them too! I didn’t know about the Netflix doc, I’ll watch it. 1/2

My mutual showed me an nct graph/chart thing? With all the members and I cried in fear at the amount of names and how complex it was haha I’ll try again Ahh classic. It was tumblr gifs got me too. I have one mutual (the same one who got me into kpop and they’re smug af about both) spammed my dash with these gorgeous looking people and like the weak bi I am, I had to find out more. I went right to Netflix and watched cql then the special edition on youtube. 2/3 lol

I love that you dove into fic first that’s probably smart because there are so many characters and names to learn. I haven’t watched the donghua, only read the book and some mdzs q. I’ve read some of those fics, but not all of them – so thanks for the recs. Okay two questions today – one mdzs and one not. Who are your top three characters and why? And for non-mdzs hmm what do you like to do in your spare time if you have any?? (I talk too much whoops) 3/3

hi classified cultivator!!

(i’m going to answer under the thing bc i too talk to much 😔💔 lol)

LMAOOO literally! omg i need to find that chat! or watch the nct guide thats in my youtube watch later hahah - it’s an hour and 20 minutes long though,,,, i’m crying in fear as well 💀😭 i watched their new mv that came out today?? (its saying that it came out 17 hours ago - that still counts as ‘today’) and they all appeared at the same time 😳😭i needed a trigger warning tbh.

omg i need to watch the special edition! i have it as a saved playlist on youtube hahaha i’m just not ready to be emotionally destroyed again yet 💔

omg top three characters!!! HAHAHA i’ve been thinking about this. so of course i love wei ying HOWEVER i feel like i relate to lan zhan so much more so he’s my absolute favourite. he was just such an awkward gay disaster as a teen and i FEEL that. and ahhhh (its probably more fanfic meta bc i still haven’t read more of the novel) but the way he’s just physically unable to talk about his feelings 💀 i feel that.

my second fave would have to be nie huaisang ❤️ once i finished cql and watched fatal journey i was just blown away bout how much of a mastermind he is! (and again after watching them they provided so much more context for his characterisation in fanfics LMAO) i also recently read this post on here talking about the foreshadowing at the start of the series - nie huaisang stalking and catching that bird for three days vs him planning the demise of jgy LMAOO. he’s such a king love him.

and my third favourite 🤔 idk it’s probably a tie between jiang cheng and nie mingjue 💀 jiang cheng more seriously bc his life is so tragic and painful but he’s so emotionally constipated and such a baby that i’m like LMAOOO 🥺❤️ i’ve read a few post-canon fics where jiang cheng and wei wuxian fix things between them and they’re always really nice. AHAHA another reason why i like him is because of that scene at the beginning of the show where jiang cheng and lan zhan are sitting at opposite ends of a table waiting for their juniors finish their hunt and they’re just looking at each other in silence with such hatred 💀 it makes me laugh to hard lmaooo.

(nie mingjue is a fave mostly for the meme. idk ever since i saw him in cql i was like 👁👁 i just think he’s neat. we bonded over our hate for jgy ❤️)

i saw this tiktok the other day which was like how hard it is to answer “when people ask me what i do in my free time bc i literally don’t do anything”. which is so me 😭😭 when i’m not at work i’m literally either sleeping in, or on my phone/watching youtube on the tv HAHAH. i did play a lot of animal crossing until like two months ago because i got bored of it 😔 and now i’m waiting for christmas for a new switch game (the legend of zelda age of calamity). my parents said that they would get it for me as a gift but ahhhh i want to play it now hahah i should have bought it for myself. another hobby that i haven’t done in a while is embroidery! but i accidentally got bored of it while in a middle of a piece at the start of the year lol 😳 i should get back into it lmao 

but yeah mostly i’m on my phone... looking at posts about mdzs or reading mdzs fanfiction... i am waiting for the next semester of university to start back and then i feel like i’m actually being productive hahahah.

thank you for the questions! i hope you have a good weekend ❤️

[000marie198]

Reviews under the cut because I know they wouldn't fit in the tags, just know that this thing literally made my day

Just have to tell you this. You know how sometimes there's a scene in your head and your muse is active and it's so vivid that when you wrote it down, details that weren't mentioned are also automatically imagined? I always wondered if it works for readers too, ya know, who don't know what the author imagined.

All of that is to say, when I started reading the first sentence, I could imagine Nine sniffing, silently crying quietly enough to not let someone know. And then it was confirmed in a later paragraph. I just hope you know that the imagery, the emotion, it somehow carried through the writing without mention of it. And that's just amazing.

Now! On to the rest of the story.

Awwwhhhhhhh. He spoke. He was worried enough to speak omg 🥺

[Dunce hat on him for thinking a store-bought lock would keep any of the workshop's inhabitants out, but they could at least respect the purpose of it!] I love this sentence so much! 😂 The exasperation combined with sass and sarcasm followed by indignant frustration of a child-! Sassy internal monologue my beloved.

Also, the fact that Mangey simply lockpicked (or disassembled the lock -who knows, Nine didn't check yet-) to get in? Fav!

He sniffed out the comfort candy! Yay! No hidden locker or compartment or vault is safe from Mangey!

And he stole one for himself too, this is great! Typical sibling behavior, pulling shit like this even when you're comforting them cjjccjjfjfjf

Yes! Listen to Mangey, he knows the effects of hunger like no one else. And y'know, that is so true, when someone is hungry, they tend to get sad or angry or upset or reactive more suddenly without much prompt or reason. It's the mind telling the person in whatever way it can that we need food!

Nine feeling the sentiment behind the gesture of for the first time and not not realizing what he's feeling gosh 😭😭 I am so unwell! He was hungry and upset and emotionally hurt and somebody cared enough to find him food that could cheer him up, his brother wanted him to feel better and not be hungry and sad and got him a candy and that just swells one up with emotion, doesn't it? Nine's a kid, he's 8. And even I cry whenever my little brothers bring me something like a snack to cheer me up. It hurts so much but in an overwhelming sweet positive way gaahhh. Great now I'm crying. I haven't cried over fanfic in days, what have you done Brainworms why you struck me where it hurts? /Pos

DAWWWWW! 😍 Not a hug but it's a gesture of comfort and is induced to the brim with fluffy feels so it definitely counts, Mangey being the best brother! I have melted

Why are there so much intense feels in this fic?! It's like my empathy acting up full force why can I feel every single moment WHY- /saying this in most POS way, for some strange reason I'm literally feeling like I'm in Nine's place, bro what higher emotional muse visiting state were you in when you wrote this?!

[He felt that sleeping with them wasn't a necessity anymore ] Keep destroying me, why don't you. Ough. Keep delivering fatal blows of full powered Prime Bros family feels.

Giddily giggles over the next three paragraphs bfdbgbghhgghgh I love them so much!

[ The one thing Nine could always be glad for was Mangey's silence. Despite lacking words, the fox managed to say so much and so loudly with undoubted honesty by his actions and presence alone. (Not to confuse lack of deceit with no sass or attitude mind you.) ]<--- one hundred percent wholeheartedly agreeing with this entire thing here

Cackles! The sudden crunch! Loved that hitting out of nowhere. Nine in this entire thing is just giving off full on older sibling vibes whenever he thinks about Mangey I can't help smiling at it. The slight resigned but fond exasperation where you simply have a flat stare and go "Of course. Why not, should've expected that" , that is Nine. Bwubbers fr fr

["You- you're seriously laying on my bed with your shoes on?" He directed more of his attention towards Mangey and pointed an accusatory finger at him.] SCREAMING AND GRINS AND SQUEALS AAAAHHHHHJFJFHHRBF I LOVE THEM SO MUCH! HEGBRFHHJJJHKMH

That last paragraph.. I am deceased. Officially deceased. I hope you're happy at what you inflicted on me today. I am forced to inject this into my soul now how could you /lh /pos

Kindly accept this attack of emotions as gratitude

Thats the only context you're getting

[2,327 words]

---

His ear twitched towards the door, caught by a soft scratch and a clicking sound. Afterwards, the doors slowly cracked open to more darkness, but a small silhouette of a fox was visible amidst it anyway.

Panicked, Nine turned his face towards the wall so fast his neck pricked with pain. Then he haphazardly wiped away the tears and bit down any future sobs threatening to rip through his throat.

Perhaps an over-the-top reaction that only justified the one at the door to step in through.

"Hurt?"

There was only one fox in particular that a raspy and audibly unused voice could belong to, and Nine wasn't sure if it made him relaxed or more distressed.

But besides that, he felt tired and defeated, as such, he unceremoniously collapsed onto the bed.

"Not...physically." But he wasn't sure how truthful that answer was. There sure was a particular headache he hadn't felt in years that was bound to get worse by the morning, his sinuses felt painfully stuffy and there were still leftover muscle cramps from... well, the reason he started crying in the first place.

Nine only barely registers the soft falling footsteps of the other before the mattress underneath him shifted and he snaps just the tiniest bit, happy that the mess of unfamiliar and vulnerable emotions was at least briefly overtaken by comforting anger.

He shoots a glare at the other.

"Why- how did you even get in here? Shouldn't you be sleeping?" He hisses out as he sits back up.

Nothing is sacred to Mangey as he definitely just picked his lock, because the one and only key was hidden in the pocket of Nine's current pants. Dunce hat on him for thinking a store-bought lock would keep any of the workshop's inhabitants out, but they could at least respect the purpose of it!

"Hurt." Mangey simply whispers again and points at Nine.

"It's none of your business."

Pulling his knees to his chest, he then hid his face in them, safely wiping all of the leftover tears into the fabric of his pants. A pathetic display but he felt it was the lesser of two evils as he definitely didn't favor being openly seen crying.

And It really wasn't. There was no reason for Mangey of all people to care or try to play a therapist with him. (Or ridicule him later, but Mangey hasn't struck him as someone reveling in others' pain. But then again Nine wouldn't blame him) There was nothing he could do but make everything worse actually.

All of Nine's muscles tensed up even more somehow as a feew more tears stained the pants' knees.

And that's all he felt; a painful sting in his eyes and the threat of his chest caving in on itself. He was getting tired of it, yet he couldn't relax if you put a tazer to his head. Bad allegory actually, that would in fact make him 100% more stressed.

What temporarily shook him back to his senses however was the mattress suddenly changing volume under him again and hearing Mangey springing to his feet, following his nose to somewhere around the work table's area.

Nine lifted his head just a bit and narrowed his gaze.

What could he be snooping around there for.

Nine tried to call him out, but couldn't find his voice in time before Mangey was already rummaging through a box that used to be very carefully hidden in a secret compartment Nine made under the table to hide his more precious items, like mints. Among other things.

After Mangey definitely found what he was looking for, he closed the compartment as if it never been there in the first place. Then he hopped up from beneath the table, stopping right in front of Nine.

"Hungry." Mangey stated flatly as he grabbed onto Nine's hand, who, as confused and done as he was, didn't put up much resistance and let Mangey drop a single blue candy onto his palm.

The kit hopped back onto the bed next to him happily and began unwrapping his own piece of mint that has been stolen from right under his nose.

Nine guessed he really was hungry, but eating a stupid piece of candy sure as hell wouldn't fix half a day of starving.

"Candy is not exactly known f-for its nutritional values y'know." Somehow he managed to choke out and what was meant to be an apathetic remark was stained with emotion. He really wished he stayed silent instead.

But there was no reaction from Mangey whatsoever, so he went back to staring at the single piece of mint sitting innocently in the palm of his hand.

The white lines on the wrapping blended with his glove until all of the colors blurred together when his eyes welled up with tears again.

He wasn't even sure why, he usually had a reason to cry, and even then, he dared to let the tears spill only when he was sure there was no one around.

Thoughts with no beginning or end swirled in his head and frustration bubbled in his chest while he felt stuck in his own body.

He wasn't alone, why the fuck was he crying over a stupid piece of candy.

He was sure it wasn't the candy itself that brought him to tears again but he didn't want to unwrap all that.

The ever-pleasant internal voice expressed just a fraction of the disarray he felt, until he almost threw the sweet through the ceiling when something suddenly touched his arm.

Still getting lost in and out of his head and between the real world, he keeps forgetting that Mangey is there. The other fox was now leaning on his shoulder, not paying him direct attention though.

Nine wasn't sure what it was but among the confusing and unpleasant concoction of emotions, he grasped the tiniest sliver of irritation he could find.

Mangey had the whole rest of the bed to lean on, why come bothering him? Nine doubted it was in any sense comfortable either, especially when he was barely touching him at first. But that tiny bead of more welcome negative emotion fizzled out just as fast as it came.

He gave up on trying to figure out the enigma that was the little feral fox beside him.

A few more stray tears fell into his lap that he didn't even bother paying attention to, before he practically forced himself to open the candy wrapper and plopped its contents Into his mouth.

Some sense of calm washed over him after the fact. It was barely tangible but it was there, and he figured he knew who to thank for that.

But his back was getting tired from sitting upright for so long. Nine leaned forward and supported his weight by grabbing the edge of the bed as he let Mangey shift closer to his side.

With the cooling taste of the mint numbing the insides of his mouth and warm presence of another being leaning onto him, he finally had an anchor point to hold on to and get his emotions in check.

The nigh-toxic sweetness of the candy glued his mouth together, which made talking feel both like a challenge and an achievement.

"Is anyone...did I wake anyone else up?" He finally asked, breaking the silence and addressing the most likely reason for the other fox breaking into his room in the first place.

Meanwhile, Mangey made a noise of disagreement but quickly shrugged afterward.

"I suppose the other two wouldn't just ignore an opportunity to make fun of me in this state huh." Wishful thinking on Nine's part. As much Tails and Sails- and sometimes Sonic honestly, do not forget or forgive once they're out for blood, he knew if they saw him now they would only relentlessly baby him and not let up until he told them what's wrong instead (he wonders that at this point too.) All of which would somehow make him feel worse than being picked on.

Letting out a sigh, he leaned forward even further and crossed his arms over his legs. The sudden shift in support caused Mangey, who did not expect it, to almost fall over. So after letting out a yelp, he threw his legs over the bed and scooted on it fully, leaning back to back with the other.

Nine moved his tails out of the way in the meantime, as having someone sit on them wouldn't be the most comfortable of things.

He suddenly became all too aware of how baren he was.

Finally tearing his gaze from the floor, he looked over the seven mechanical tails lying neatly placed on the table in front of him. He felt that sleeping with them wasn't necessary anymore, and it was much more comfortable when he could freely roll over without the restriction of metal around him.

Besides, no one was supposed to get in his room while it was locked, but someone probably saw it only as a fun puzzle in his way.

Nine narrowed his gaze and looked back at the intruder fox. And while he couldn't hope to see his face, those restless paws of his were nervously fidgeting with the fur on the tip of one of his own double tails, while the other appendage lay neatly placed near his side.

Yea, there was no way in hell to stay angry at Mangey for longer than two minutes.

Returning to stare at nothing, Nine spaced out in the darkness of the room yet again.

But this time, he focused on the warmth pressing against his back, the quiet breathing and heartbeat that reverberated from his chest and bounced off the walls...

And then there was another rumble added to the mix. One that he figured should be quite familiar to him, but never actually heard or produced himself in his life. Plus he doubted he'd be able to purr if he tried it himself anyway.

Even still, it helped him finally relax and unclench most if not all of his strained muscles.

The one thing Nine could always be glad for was Mangey's silence. Despite lacking words, the fox managed to say so much and so loudly with undoubted honesty by his actions and presence alone. (Not to confuse lack of deceit with no sass or attitude mind you.)

And that was more than enough for Nine.

Enough to make him feel more like himself again after..whatever the hell these past three hours were. Scratch that, past these... however long was it since he met Sonic.

Nine let a small smile sit in the corners of his mouth. "Thanks." He softly whispered and despite how barely audible it was, Mangey definitely heard it as he could feel the other fully relax against his back as well and let out a quiet hum.

Nine turned the half-dissolved mint around in his mouth when loud (compared to the drowning silence of the room) cracking, that made Nine's teeth hurt in relation, filled the room.

Mangey bit through the goddamn candy.

Surprised he waited up until now actually, Nine glanced back at the other again through the corner of his eye

"Are your teeth made of steel or what?" A rhetorical question that has been asked multiple times by every possible person who had the honor of giving Mangey any food with a denser consistency, and one that got an appropriate mocking scoff as a response.

Doing a doubletake, Nine noticed a much more glaring issue the other fox brought with him though.

"You- you're seriously laying on my bed with your shoes on?" He directed more of his attention towards Mangey and pointed an accusatory finger at him.

"You run on with those outside all day and then proceed to hop into a bed — my bed — with all that dirt and whatever else is you jump around on all day." He could feel the other tense up again, realizing too late he forgot to add the appropriate amount of sarcasm to his tone to make sure Mangey knew he wasn't actually mad at him, just slightly petty annoyed if that made sense.

Why did he suddenly care about that?

"Don't you act all innocent, take 'em off."

Nine poked him with his elbow gently and with all the affection he could muster in his exhausted state.

The other fox simply grumbled in response and kicked off his shoes to the ground at the opposite side of the bed — which were sure to have woken up someone with their unnecessarily loud thud upon hitting the floor — but not before rolling his eyes.

"...un-be-li-vable." Nine fully surrendered his weight onto the other, and this time making sure the overexaggerated annoyance and headshake were enough of a signal he wasn't all that serious.

His eyes felt sleepy heaviness on them as he caught the dimly lit time of a digital clock sitting on a shelf above the table

4:28 AM

Or maybe the last number was six or three, he couldn't really tell. What it conveyed however was that the previous estimate of three hours of spiraling was incorrect and he rather not think about how much more it would've been had Mangey not invited himself in. In fact, he'd rather not think about anything anymore.

The arbitrary decision on whether to give up tonight's sleep and just continue on into the next day until a sudden and inevitable collapse wasn't given. The soft snores of the one behind him and a tail that wasn't his own that could've easily been classified as a blanket of pure fluff that somehow found his way into his lap didn't give the option.

The amount of his much-needed rest was in the hands of the most skittish, energetic and unpredictable fox one could've left it in, and for some reason Nine was just fine with that.

[montanababe7]

Wrote this two years ago: Wrote this several months ago. Thankful 🥲 to Jesus🙏🏼🙌🏼

But God. I don’t know any other way to start this post.

I had an encounter with Jesus that still just stops me in my tracks. I don’t expect anyone to read this with a dry eye, nor do I think you’ll be able to.

You see, I thought I was permanently & emotionally broken and that was just how things were. I didn’t know that Jesus could completely free me from my cptsd.

Let’s go back to 2008. I had joined an internship that left me emotionally scarred and broken for at least one decade.

Fast forward to 2022-The next moment…is what brings me to my knees I’m thankful to Jesus. Jesus asked me audibly if I wanted to be made whole. He asked me this at least three times…if not more🥺. My first time thought was, ‘yes, of course Jesus. But if you heal me of my cptsd; who will I be?’ He responded back immediately, ‘that’s not what I asked you. I asked you if you wanted to be made whole. It was a command. Not a question. Do you want to be made whole?’

I said, ‘yes, Jesus😭. I’m done being broken and angry on the inside all the time. I just want to stop hurting.’

Seconds later, but I’m sure it was instantaneously, I saw myself back at go ministries international-a part of where my cptsd was stemmed from. I was all alone in the woods….just done with everything. It was during the com m u n i s m game the core leaders had instigated. It was pouring outside. I had found a perfect rock. Jesus spoke to me again, ‘I sent someone right then to stop you from attempting to end your life. The timing could not have been more crucial than you’ll understand. The person I sent over; had no idea they were part of saving your life. I worked through them to rescue you.’

Jesus than showed me another scene. He asked me..’do you remember when you were so depressed and a su icidal when you were sneaking showers so no one would know what you were planning? I sent my guardian and ministering angels to you at that exact moment just as you had the r a z o r poised at your arm and they took those things out of your hands-saving your life. You had simply thought right than that you just changed your mind. Nope, there was a war going on for your destiny. Little did you know just how close you were to end ing your life right than.’ I, of course am bawling my eyes out at that point. I could feel years of pain, heaviness, and heartache melting away. It wasn’t a small trickle of emotions; it was a flood. I wept as I had never wept before.

Jesus spoke something else to my heart. He said to me, ‘My beloved daughter Jessica, you have spent years removing the spiritual grave clothes off of others; revealing a gorgeous gown or tuxedo for others. It’s beyond time that the spiritual grave clothes come off you too. It’s time for you to really live.’ In that moment, I started seeing chains ⛓ being broken in the realms of the spirit.

Jesus asked me another question. He said, ‘it’s time for you to stop hating your mom. She was parenting you out of her own brokenness. You must fully forgive her. The pain and hurt that you’ve held onto over the many years-has been destroying you. Let that pain go. Forgive her. Love her from a distance.’

I turn to mike and tell him, ‘I’m not hurting anymore. I don’t feel angry any more. Jesus just now healed my cptsd. Completely. The pain is gone.’

There’s a softness around my eyes that I haven’t seen in quite some time. Ok, it’s been years. I don’t need to keep walls up anymore. I can be free to feel and not shut down.

I’ve been weeping more than I ever have. But, in a good way. I no longer feel the need to hold back my tears or to prevent myself to cry. I’m finally my age at 35 and not as someone who’s ancient. I feel younger in a good way. Jesus has done this. He’s done all of it.

So when I say-but God. I mean every word of it.

Jesus saved me. It’s that simple. I am here

For a purpose. I’m still learning and discovering what it all means. But. Now, I am

Whole. Jesus can do there impossible in your life, too. I know this to be true…because he’s done it in mine🥺

Love you all,

Jessica.

[montanababe7]

So truly thankful 🥹 that Jesus 🙏🏼🤲🏼✝️💕🥹🥲☺️ has given me His forever fullness of joy🤩. Now and forevermore. Amen 🙏🏼

Wrote this two years ago in 2022: But God. I don’t know any other way to start this post. The articles I posted below are what I could relate to just several a Sundays ago.

I had an encounter with Jesus that still just stops me in my tracks. I don’t expect anyone to read this with a dry eye, nor do I think you’ll be able to.

You see, I thought I was permanently emotionally broken and that was just how things were. I didn’t know that Jesus could completely free me from my cptsd.

Let’s go back to 2008. I had joined an internship that left me emotionally scarred and broken for at least one decade.

Fast forward to 2022-The next moment…is what brings me to my knees in thankfulness to Jesus. Jesus asked me audibly if I wanted to be made whole. He asked me this at least three times…if not more🥺. My first time thought was, ‘yes, of course Jesus. But if you heal me of my cptsd; who will I be?’ He responded back immediately, ‘that’s not what I asked you. I asked you if you wanted to be made whole. It was a command. Not a question. Do you want to be made whole?’

I said, ‘yes, Jesus😭. I’m done being broken and angry on the inside all the time. I just want to stop hurting.’

Seconds later, but I’m sure it was instantaneously, I saw myself back at go ministries international-a part of where my cptsd was stemmed from. I was all alone in the woods….just done with everything. It was during the com m unison game the core leaders had instigated. It was pouring outside. I had found a perfect rock. Jesus spoke to me again, ‘I sent someone right then to stop you from attempting to end your life. The timing could not have been more crucial than you’ll understand. The person I sent over; had no idea they were part of saving your life. I worked through them to rescue you.’

Jesus than showed me another scene. He asked me..’do you remember when you were so depressed and a su icidal when you were sneaking showers so no one would know what you were planning? I sent my guardian and ministering angels to you at that exact moment just as you had the r a z o r poised at your arm and they took those things out of your hands-saving your life. You had simply thought right than that you just changed your mind. Nope, there was a war going on for your destiny. Little did you know just how close you were to end ing your life right than.’ I, of course am bawling my eyes out at that point. I could feel years of pain, heaviness, and heartache melting away. It wasn’t a small trickle of emotions; it was a flood. I wept as I had never wept before.

Jesus spoke something else to my heart. He said to me, ‘My beloved daughter Jessica, you have spent years removing the spiritual grave clothes off of others; revealing a gorgeous gown or tuxedo for others. It’s beyond time that the spiritual grave clothes come off you too. It’s time for you to really live.’ In that moment, I started seeing chains ⛓ being broken in the realms of the spirit.

Jesus asked me another question. He said, ‘it’s time you to stop hating your mom. She was parenting you out of her own brokenness. You must fully forgive her. The pain and hurt that you’ve held onto over the many years-has been destroying you. Let that pain go. Forgive her. Love her from a distance.’

I turn to mike and tell him, ‘I’m not hurting anymore. I don’t feel angry any more. Jesus just now healed my cptsd. Completely. The pain is gone.’

There’s a softness around my eyes that I haven’t seen in quite some time. Ok, it’s been years. I don’t need to keep walls up anymore. I can be free to feel and not shut down.

I’ve been weeping more than I ever have. But, in a good way. I no longer feel the need to hold back my tears or to prevent myself to cry. I’m finally my age at 35 and not as someone who’s ancient. I feel younger in a good way. Jesus has done this. He’s done all of it.

So when I say-but God. I mean every word of it.

Jesus saved me. It’s that simple. I am here

For a purpose. I’m still learning and discovering what it all means. But. Now, I am

Whole. Jesus can do the impossible in your life, too. I know this to be true…because he’s done it in mine🥺

Love you all,

Jessica.

https://themindsjournal.com/9-ways-beautifully-broken-girl-loves-differently/

https://themindsjournal.com/what-it-means-to-fall-in-love-with-a-girl-who-is-beautifully-broken/

[montanababe7]

Posted this in 2022🙏🏼🙌🏼🥹🥲😭

But God. I don’t know any other way to start this post. The articles I posted below are what I could relate to just several Sundays ago.

I had an encounter with Jesus that still just stops me in my tracks. I don’t expect anyone to read this with a dry eye, nor do I think you’ll be able to.

You see, I thought I was permanently and emotionally broken- and that was just how things were. I didn’t know that Jesus could completely free me from my cptsd.

Let’s go back to 2008. I had joined an internship that left me emotionally scarred and broken for at least one decade.

Fast forward to 2022-The next moment…is what brings me to my knees I’m so thankful to Jesus. Jesus asked me audibly if I wanted to be made whole. He asked me this at least three times…if not more🥺. My first time thought was, ‘yes, of course Jesus. But if you heal me of my cptsd; who will I be?’ He responded back immediately, ‘that’s not what I asked you. I asked you if you wanted to be made whole. It was a command. Not a question. Do you want to be made whole?’

I said, ‘yes, Jesus😭. I’m done being broken and angry on the inside all the time. I just want to stop hurting.’

Seconds later, but I’m sure it was instantaneously, I saw myself back at go ministries international-a part of where my cptsd was stemmed from. I was all alone in the woods….just done with everything. It was during the com m unison game the core leaders had instigated. It was pouring outside. I had found a perfect rock. Jesus spoke to me again, ‘I sent someone right then to stop you from attempting to end your life. The timing could not have been more crucial than you’ll understand. The person I sent over; had no idea they were part of saving your life. I worked through them to rescue you.’

Jesus than showed me another scene. He asked me..’do you remember when you were so depressed and a su icidal when you were sneaking showers so no one would know what you were planning? I sent my guardian and ministering angels to you at that exact moment just as you had the r a z o r poised at your arm and they took those things out of your hands-saving your life. You had simply thought right than that you just changed your mind. Nope, there was a war going on for your destiny. Little did you know just how close you were to end ing your life right than.’ I, of course am bawling my eyes out at that point. I could feel years of pain, heaviness, and heartache melting away. It wasn’t a small trickle of emotions; it was a flood. I wept as I had never wept before.

Jesus spoke something else to my heart. He said to me, ‘My beloved daughter Jessica, you have spent years removing the spiritual grave clothes off of others; revealing a gorgeous gown or tuxedo for others. It’s beyond time that the spiritual grave clothes come off you too. It’s time for you to really live.’ In that moment, I started seeing chains ⛓ being broken in the realms of the spirit.

Jesus asked me another question. He said, ‘it’s time you stop hating your mom. She was parenting you out of her own brokenness. You must fully forgive her. The pain and hurt that you’ve held onto over the many years-has been destroying you. Let that pain go. Forgive her. Love her from a distance.’

I turn to mike and tell him, ‘I’m not hurting anymore. I don’t feel angry any more. Jesus just now healed my cptsd. Completely. The pain is gone.’

There’s a softness around my eyes that I haven’t seen in quite some time. Ok, it’s been years. I don’t need to keep walls up anymore. I can be free to feel and not shut down.

I’ve been weeping more than I ever have. But, in a good way. I no longer feel the need to hold back my tears or to prevent myself to cry. I’m finally my age at 35 and not as someone who’s ancient. I feel younger in a good way. Jesus has done this. He’s done all of it.

So when I say-but God. I mean every word of it.

Jesus saved me. It’s that simple. I am here

For a purpose. I’m still learning and discovering what it all means. But. Now, I am

Whole. Jesus can do the impossible in your life, too. I know this to be true…because he’s done it in mine🥺

Love you all,

Jessica.

https://themindsjournal.com/9-ways-beautifully-broken-girl-loves-differently/

https://themindsjournal.com/what-it-means-to-fall-in-love-with-a-girl-who-is-beautifully-broken/

[montanababe7]

But God. I don’t know any other way to start this post. The articles I posted below are what I could relate to just several a Sundays ago.

I had an encounter with Jesus that still just stops me in my tracks. I don’t expect anyone to read this with a dry eye, nor do I think you’ll be able to.

You see, I thought I was permanently emotionally broken and that was just how things were. I didn’t know that Jesus could completely free me from my cptsd.

Let’s go back to 2008. I had joined an internship that left me emotionally scarred and broken for at least one decade.

Fast forward to 2022-The next moment…is what brings me to my knees I’m thankfulness to Jesus. Jesus asked me audibly if I wanted to be made whole. He asked me this at least three times…if not more🥺. My first time thought was, ‘yes, of course Jesus. But if you heal me of my cptsd; who will I be?’ He responded back immediately, ‘that’s not what I asked you. I asked you if you wanted to be made whole. It was a command. Not a question. Do you want to be made whole?’

I said, ‘yes, Jesus😭. I’m done being broken and angry on the inside all the time. I just want to stop hurting.’

Seconds later, but I’m sure it was instantaneously, I saw myself back at go ministries international-a part of where my cptsd was stemmed from. I was all alone in the woods….just done with everything. It was during the com m unison game the core leaders had instigated. It was pouring outside. I had found a perfect rock. Jesus spoke to me again, ‘I sent someone right then to stop you from attempting to end your life. The timing could not have been more crucial than you’ll understand. The person I sent over; had no idea they were part of saving your life. I worked through them to rescue you.’

Jesus than showed me another scene. He asked me..’do you remember when you were so depressed and a su icidal when you were sneaking showers so no one would know what you were planning? I sent my guardian and ministering angels to you at that exact moment just as you had the r a z o r poised at your arm and they took those things out of your hands-saving your life. You had simply thought right than that you just changed your mind. Nope, there was a war going on for your destiny. Little did you know just how close you were to end ing your life right than.’ I, of course am bawling my eyes out at that point. I could feel years of pain, heaviness, and heartache melting away. It wasn’t a small trickle of emotions; it was a flood. I wept as I had never wept before.

Jesus spoke something else to my heart. He said to me, ‘My beloved daughter Jessica, you have spent years removing the spiritual grave clothes off of others; revealing a gorgeous gown or tuxedo for others. It’s beyond time that the spiritual grave clothes come off you too. It’s time for you to really live.’ In that moment, I started seeing chains ⛓ being broken in the realms of the spirit.

Jesus asked me another question. He said, ‘it’s time you to stop hating your mom. She was parenting you out of her own brokenness. You must fully forgive her. The pain and hurt that you’ve held onto over the many years-has been destroying you. Let that pain go. Forgive her. Love her from a distance.’

I turn to mike and tell him, ‘I’m not hurting anymore. I don’t feel angry any more. Jesus just now healed my cptsd. Completely. The pain is gone.’

There’s a softness around my eyes that I haven’t seen in quite some time. Ok, it’s been years. I don’t need to keep walls up anymore. I can be free to feel and not shut down.

I’ve been weeping more than I ever have. But, in a good way. I no longer feel the need to hold back my tears or to prevent myself to cry. I’m finally my age at 35 and not as someone who’s ancient. I feel younger in a good way. Jesus has done this. He’s done all of it.

So when I say-but God. I mean every word of it.

Jesus saved me. It’s that simple. I am here

For a purpose. I’m still learning and discovering what it all means. But. Now, I am

Whole. Jesus can do there impossible in your life, too. I know this to be true…because he’s done it in mine🥺

Love you all,

Jessica.

https://themindsjournal.com/9-ways-beautifully-broken-girl-loves-differently/

https://themindsjournal.com/what-it-means-to-fall-in-love-with-a-girl-who-is-beautifully-broken/

[montanababe7]

But God. I don’t know any other way to start this post. The articles I posted below are what I could relate to just several a Sundays ago.

I had an encounter with Jesus that still just stops me in my tracks. I don’t expect anyone to read this with a dry eye, nor do I think you’ll be able to.

You see, I thought I was permanently emotionally broken and that was just how things were. I didn’t know that Jesus could completely free me from my cptsd.

Let’s go back to 2008. I had joined an internship that left me emotionally scarred and broken for at least one decade.

Fast forward to 2022-The next moment…is what brings me to my knees I’m thankfulness to Jesus. Jesus asked me audibly if I wanted to be made whole. He asked me this at least three times…if not more🥺. My first time thought was, ‘yes, of course Jesus. But if you heal me of my cptsd; who will I be?’ He responded back immediately, ‘that’s not what I asked you. I asked you if you wanted to be made whole. It was a command. Not a question. Do you want to be made whole?’

I said, ‘yes, Jesus😭. I’m done being broken and angry on the inside all the time. I just want to stop hurting.’

Seconds later, but I’m sure it was instantaneously, I saw myself back at go ministries international-a part of where my cptsd was stemmed from. I was all alone in the woods….just done with everything. It was during the com m unison game the core leaders had instigated. It was pouring outside. I had found a perfect rock. Jesus spoke to me again, ‘I sent someone right then to stop you from attempting to end your life. The timing could not have been more crucial than you’ll understand. The person I sent over; had no idea they were part of saving your life. I worked through them to rescue you.’

Jesus than showed me another scene. He asked me..’do you remember when you were so depressed and a su icidal when you were sneaking showers so no one would know what you were planning? I sent my guardian and ministering angels to you at that exact moment just as you had the r a z o r poised at your arm and they took those things out of your hands-saving your life. You had simply thought right than that you just changed your mind. Nope, there was a war going on for your destiny. Little did you know just how close you were to end ing your life right than.’ I, of course am bawling my eyes out at that point. I could feel years of pain, heaviness, and heartache melting away. It wasn’t a small trickle of emotions; it was a flood. I wept as I had never wept before.

Jesus spoke something else to my heart. He said to me, ‘My beloved daughter Jessica, you have spent years removing the spiritual grave clothes off of others; revealing a gorgeous gown or tuxedo for others. It’s beyond time that the spiritual grave clothes come off you too. It’s time for you to really live.’ In that moment, I started seeing chains ⛓ being broken in the realms of the spirit.

Jesus asked me another question. He said, ‘it’s time you to stop hating your mom. She was parenting you out of her own brokenness. You must fully forgive her. The pain and hurt that you’ve held onto over the many years-has been destroying you. Let that pain go. Forgive her. Love her from a distance.’

I turn to mike and tell him, ‘I’m not hurting anymore. I don’t feel angry any more. Jesus just now healed my cptsd. Completely. The pain is gone.’

There’s a softness around my eyes that I haven’t seen in quite some time. Ok, it’s been years. I don’t need to keep walls up anymore. I can be free to feel and not shut down.

I’ve been weeping more than I ever have. But, in a good way. I no longer feel the need to hold back my tears or to prevent myself to cry. I’m finally my age at 35 and not as someone who’s ancient. I feel younger in a good way. Jesus has done this. He’s done all of it.

So when I say-but God. I mean every word of it.

Jesus saved me. It’s that simple. I am here

For a purpose. I’m still learning and discovering what it all means. But. Now, I am

Whole. Jesus can do there impossible in your life, too. I know this to be true…because he’s done it in mine🥺

Love you all,

Jessica.

https://themindsjournal.com/9-ways-beautifully-broken-girl-loves-differently/

https://themindsjournal.com/what-it-means-to-fall-in-love-with-a-girl-who-is-beautifully-broken/

[cheesybadgers]

Not gonna lie, your epic comment had me SCREAMING when I read it this morning, especially because this was probably one of my favourite chapters to write 😭😩❤️

Okay back to reading! I can't wait to see what you do with this! Our Man in Madrid is my favorite episode, it's the one that made me fall for Javi seeing his reaction during the spotters' scene

It's such an INTENSE episode, isn't it?! Definitely one of my favourites too...even if Carrillo has well and truly gone to the dark side upon his return and the effect he has on Javi and Steve still blows my mind...like, he just utterly destroyed them 👀

Hands Horacio had come to realise would always be there to catch him when he fell, something he was still getting used to. Not from a lack of trust but from the years of conditioning where resilience and control were necessary for survival.

They look out for each other and make the other better 😭❤️

They really do 🥺

I don't think the show does justice in showing the emotional and physical stress these two men must be under. Sure, we get a couple of scenes, especially with Javi where we can see hints of this, but not so much with Horacio. So the way you write that into this fic is everything.

You are SO right about the show glossing over the emotional impact of everything the characters go through. I know Horacio is supposed to be a morally dubious side character, but I can't believe they didn't show even a glimpse from his POV of the aftermath of him accidentally fatally shooting Diana Turbay???? He was literally *sent to rescue her*. She was a Colombian journalist, a former president's daughter and supposedly good at her job and very popular/influential because of her family background, and I'm expected to believe he didn't carry any guilt for that?!! No, I'm sorry, but not on my watch 😂 So I'm thrilled you liked the way I handled that ❤️

This scene with them in the shower shows how absolutely comfortable and vulnerable they are around each other. One thing is to go at it in the shower, but a completely different one is to allow your love to help you clean yourself. And it has me crying and screaming

The rising steam enveloped them in a protective cocoon from the outside world.

Beautiful way to describe this moment!

Ahhh thank you, I'm so glad you liked that 💕 And *sigh* yep, the high level of intimacy and trust needed to allow someone to take care of you like that 🥺 I really wanted them both to be emotionally vulnerable as well as physically in this scene ❤️

“Yeah, I hate to break it to you, but the walls are paper-thin in this place. I was gonna stop by when I got back yesterday but noticed – against my will, I should add - you were otherwise engaged. A lot.”

hdasdbsahdbahdabfjhsfbdhjfasjafna jfwnwf jwbfahf 😂😂😂

I know poor Javi is on the verge of suffering a panic attack or something but imagining Steve just trying to go about his day while the other two were going at it is killing me

🤣 I'm afraid to say, I do enjoy making Javi suffer like this lolol (sorry Javi, I love you really 😈)...and oh yes, there's no way Steve didn't notice when these two had a lot of making up for lost time to do 😉

As frustrating as this unexpected visit was, Javier couldn’t deny how pleased he was for them. He hated seeing Steve in such a mess and he’d missed Connie too.

I hope we get to see more of these two, their friendship is so precious. I wish we had seen them interact more in the show, they have so much potential!

Without giving away spoilers, this isn't the last you'll see of Connie, fear not! And I totally agree, I wish we'd seen more of Javi hanging out at the Murphys' (I know we get glimpses of it, but still) because I feel like he'd have been round there a lot ❤️

Trujillo welcomed him with a firm embrace that knocked him backwards with its force.

Yes!!!! give me that Carrillo Trujillo friendship, I love it!

Ahh I'm so glad you liked this part...I love their friendship so much and wish we'd seen more of it in the show, because the trust, loyalty and mutual respect is real, damnit 😭❤️

He detected the minutest flinch in Javier’s grip as they greeted each other like the long-lost colleagues they were supposed to be.

I hate that they have to hide their relationship but the silver lining is we get moments like this

Ohh I loved writing that scene!! And I don't think I'll ever see that handshake in the same light now whenever I re-watch the show 😂 But yeah, ideally, they wouldn't need to keep it a secret, but I'm also a sucker for intimate moments like this (as I'm sure you've guessed by now lol) 💕

His country and his President were counting on him like never before. But then, so was the man he loved.

THE MAN HE LOVED. I know he already said I love you to Javi but still him calling him the man he loves makes my heart so so happy

I remember being so careful not to refer to him as that until after he'd actually said the L word to Javier himself, because I wanted that to be the first time the reader knows it too lol. But after that, all bets were off and damn right, that's the man he loves 😭😩

both men unaware of the flicker of bemusement that passed between Trujillo and Steve.

At the very least they suspect something must be going on, right?

Without giving away spoilers, I think there's a good chance they suspect *something*, yes 👀

Laura Laura Lauraaaaaaaa do I want to read the next part? Is it going to be the same as canon? Because that hurt in canon, in here it will destroy me 😭

As I'm sure you're aware by the time you will have read my reply, I have taken a very liberal attitude to canon in many places 🤣

They had entered into the territory of suspicious behaviour and Steve would want to know why he wasn’t included.

Don't worry Steve I'm pretty sure there's another fic where you're included😌

THE WAY I SCREAMED AT THIS COMMENT 😂😂 The Steve in this AU doesn't quite know what he's trying to get in the middle of here, poor boy lol.

“Don’t you think it could be seen by some as a bit…reckless?”

It's him, Javi sees it as reckless, c'mon Horacio just a couple paragraphs before you said something about taking into account the man you loved

Especially to those running scared of their own feelings.

Oh, that's a low blow, he was going to say it eventually

Oof yep, definitely a low blow 😬 Although, I think it did sting a bit for him to be left hanging when he dropped the L word for the first time, but trying to guilt-trip Javier into saying it back obviously ain't it either, ha. He's being a defensive and reactionary idiot who can't help himself when it comes to pushing Escobar's buttons, and deep down, he knows it as well lol.

Where the ability to wound was almost too efficient.

And they're wounding ME in the process too 😭

I'm sorry, I don't like them fighting either 😩 But I think I wanted to show how easily Horacio was slipping back into old habits despite his best intentions, because that's the reality of being on the frontline.

Once again, he had no choice but to follow, although this time he wasn’t sure if he wanted to.

Nooooo, that is not a change we wanted to see :( And if this is going the canon way he shouldn't follow either, he's just going to get his heart broken

Oof yeah, the angst was real in this chapter 😭 But fear not, canon divergence is on the horizon...

The kind where there was a threat of an incoming storm, but it could change course at the last minute. The kind where even those who thought they had prepared for all eventualities could be caught off guard.

You're just playing with my heart by foreshadowing the next part, this is just cruel (and I'm enjoying every second of it)

As you've read the whole chapter now, I think I just wanted to make it difficult to guess how the scene was going to play out...and given several people's reactions to this scene, including yours, I think I succeeded 👀

However, there was something dangerous and volatile in the air as Javier observed from a distance whilst Horacio lined up the spotters. Spotter was no longer the right word, either. It occurred to him when he apprehended the teenage boy; these were children. Using any other language was a convenient way to distance themselves from the reality of the situation and it left a bitter taste in his mouth.

*prepares to cry*

I mean, obviously, it's still all bad, but not canon bad, I guess? 😬

His silhouette stalked wolf-like along the wall behind them with each movement, like a bad omen lying in wait.

aaaaaaaaa crying and screaming at this image

He's genuinely terrifying in this scene, so describing him as a predator felt apt 👀 Like, I know I prefer to focus on his softer side in this fic, but damn, that man is insane in canon lol.

omg that was so tense, that was incredible, i did not know what direction you were gonna go in. I thought perhaps Javi was going to intervene in some way, but it was just his memory, his voice that brought Carrillo back. It's so perfect because it parallels the first episode where Javi made a choice bc of what Horacio had told him, and made the choice Horacio would have made. And now it's the other way around, Horacio heard his voice and made the choice Javier would have made. Perfect.

Ahhhhh I'm SO PLEASED you liked the way I went with this ❤️❤️ It's funny, when I was writing it, because I obviously knew what was going to happen, it felt really obvious to me, but the reactions I've had to it have been like yours, where people genuinely didn't know which way it was going to go lol. So I'm glad the suspense and tension came through and kept you on your toes!

And I'm SCREAMING at your observation about the parallels of their choices being affected by each other's voice!!!!!!!!!! Because YES. I remember as soon as I wrote the scene at the end of chapter 3, where they talk about the incident with Javier on the rooftops with the kid, I knew I wanted that conversation to affect the spotters scene, much like their emotional conversation in Explosivos (one of my favourite scenes between these two...it's so raw and they both look genuinely hurt ❤️).

We see Horacio have SO much influence over Javier in the show (like, actually, when you think about it, it's INSANE how much power and influence he has over both Javier and Steve 👀), I wanted to balance it up in this fic. And the kid/gunpoint parallel felt like the perfect way to do that.

Plus, selfishly, I just didn't want to write Horacio doing that in this universe lol. It didn't feel in-character for this version of him at this point of his and Javier's relationship. But at the same time, I didn't want him to have completely lost that violent edge, because that didn't feel true to his character either? And I didn't want Javier physically intervening, because I wanted Horacio to come to the realisation himself. So, taking him to the brink but a past conversation with Javier being the thing to pull him back at the last second felt like the best compromise.

GOD, this is probably the most in-depth I've ever talked about this scene, so thank you so much for getting exactly what I was trying to do here 😭😭❤️❤️

“I - I’m sorry, though. For putting you through that.”

“You always are.” 

We got the "good" ending and yet it's still bad. Both reactions make perfect sense, especially after the fight they had, after Javier realized these are just kids. I'm curious as to what would have happened with these two had Horacio gone canon. I'm leaning towards that being too much for Javier, him not being able to live with Horacio's decision but I'd love to hear your thoughts on it!

Oof yeah, there's still plenty of angst after all is said and done 😭 But whilst this is overwhelmingly a fix-it fic, I didn't want to make it all *too* neat and tidy, because they are still very messy, damaged people in extremely volatile circumstances, so they're not always going to behave rationally or say/do the right thing. And even when they're trying to do better, healing isn't necessarily linear, so Horacio definitely fucked up, but I think he'd learnt enough from the past and from Javier in this AU not to go the way he did in canon.

Buuuut, if he had gone full canon, OOF GOD, I really don't know???!! Funnily enough, only the other day, I was thinking about the scene in the show between Javi and Steve in Our Man in Madrid, after the spotter incident but before the helicopter incident. Javi says something like "Carrillo told me that he talked to you. He thinks he can trust you."

So, obviously Javi has spoken to Horacio off-screen after the spotter incident. And yet, throughout the episode, Javi is clearly avoiding working closely with him and warns Steve not to as well, and Horacio throws him a couple of tense looks that suggest they're not on good terms. So, what happened off-screen?!! Did they argue? Did Javi actually stand up to him for once? Did Javi know what Horacio was going to do in the helicopter and felt Steve needed to witness it for 'his own good' and to snap him out of it? Because DAMN do I wish we'd seen all of that 👀👀👀

But then, skip to The Good, the Bad, and the Dead, and a lot of the tension between the characters has kind of just...disappeared? Javi and Steve are back working with Horacio as normal...Javi takes Maritza's intel to Horacio and Horacio basically acts on it BECAUSE he trusts Javi so much. Then Javi and Steve throw a tantrum at Messina because they're not allowed to tag along with Horacio. And well, we all know what happens after that 😩😭

So, it's actually kind of difficult to gauge where Javi's mindset is at where Horacio is concerned after all that??!! Especially because his main motivation for working with Los Pepes later in season 2 is revenge/guilt/grief over Horacio's death 👀 I suspect he must have shoved it in the back of his brain where all his other unprocessed trauma is kept lol (and made frequent visits to Gabriela), but narratively, it doesn't really make much sense to create so much tension between the characters one episode and then just ignore it the next and then kill off the character causing most of the tension.

But in terms of the Javier in OHDH where he's in a long term relationship with Horacio, truthfully, I think it would probably have split them up, even if temporarily. Because I just think that would have been too much for Javier to deal with after everything they've been through together. And I think Horacio would have hated himself in the cold light of day, because then he would have broken the promise he made to do better and he would have broken Javier's heart too. Maybe after a certain incident I think you've just got to in your binge-reading, they could reconcile? But I think it would take some time apart and a lot of self-destruction and self-loathing first...and that's a level of angst even I can't deal with 😂

This was an amazing chapter, you took what happened in canon, which was already great and made it extra great!!!

Aww thank you so much, I'm thrilled you liked it and I'm absolutely blown away by your whole post?!!! I don't think I've ever received such an in-depth response before and it has made my evening replying to this, so apologies for the essay responses lol...I'm just excited and touched someone wants to talk about my fic as much as I do 🥺😭😩❤️

Narcos Fic: Old Habits Die Hard (Chap. 8)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15

Masterlist

Pairing: Javier Peña x Horacio Carrillo

Words: 5,456

Summary: Set loosely during Our Man in Madrid (although without spoiling anything, there is some significant canon divergence), Javier and Horacio are plunged back into the harsh reality of war after their reunion and are forced to confront some conflicts of their own.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY. Canon-typical violence (please bear in mind which ep this chapter partially covers), PTSD symptoms (mostly flashbacks), some religious symbolism, angst (with a side order of fluff though!), smoking, swearing, a handful of vague sexual references but no smut.

Notes: I can’t believe a certain scene is finally done after having it in my head for months (and you may have noticed I laid some of the groundwork for it back in chapter 3, mwaha), phew! Oh and the chapter is named after On The Floor by Brandon Flowers, because the lyrics are kinda on point.

I’ve got a large chunk of chapter 9 already drafted, although life is probably going to be a bit busier over the next couple of months, but I’ll do my best to get as much written as possible. This fic *will* get finished eventually, damnit, if it’s the last thing I do 😂 Thanks to anyone still reading and please feel free to comment/chat about any of it on Tumblr/AO3 ❤️

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