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orionsangel86 · 8 years ago

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12x19 - Episode Review - Intimacy, Love, Faith and mixtapes

What can I even say about this episode? Since my first watch I have been going around with a goofy grin on my face while thinking of nothing but mixtapes and intimate touches between two people who love each other so dearly that even the most stringent heteronormative people must be side eyeing the show thinking “that’s kinda gay”. When I try to think about the actual plot of the episode though and what will come of this in the finale? Well, I am a bit lost… though I do have some ideas. I can’t say I am entirely thrilled by the plot structure this season. Hence my long tumblr absences as well as limited thoughts and meta since 12x12. There is too much going on, too many stories which don’t seem to have any real connection. Also Lucifer really pisses me off as a character now and every time he is on screen I roll my eyes.

This episode wasn’t up there with the likes of 12x10 and 12x12 for quality. Then again as soon as the story turns back to Kelly and her unborn Satan spawn I do find it hard to stay switched on, but the destiel this episode was glorious and gave me a lot of hope for where Dabb intends to take this. Am I still annoyed that we are lacking Cas so much this half season? Yes. Very. The fact that he doesn’t return until the finale pisses me off to no end, I will most likely disappear again after writing this review and not comment on the episodes leading up to the finale unless Dean suddenly decides to jump out of the closet and hit on handsome bisexual Max next week as a rebound for all the rejection he suffered in 12x19. (honestly I am praying to the TV Gods that Max takes a liking to Dean and we get a good helping of Gay to get us through our Cas withdrawal symptoms).

Without any further rambling however here is my review of 12x19.

It gets long down there under the cut…

Take this mixtape for my heart… complete with kisses and songs about you

The best part about this episode? Destiel. Oh boy the destiel. It was so gloriously gay. I can’t even imagine how the antis and non-shippers are feeling about this! I am so very full of joy and glee about this!

We know from the opening sequence that Dean has been pining for Cas and worrying about Cas for a while now, but the glorious moment when Cas walks into the Bunker and Dean looks up at him is just…

Oh how very dramatic. The might as well have put him in soft focus and had a swell of romantic music as his lover returned home from war… seriously. But then all the DeanCas shots in this episode are framed so romantically/intimately. Kudos to Amanda Tapping for just getting it. (then again she was present during the most heartbreaking DeanCas scene of all time the crypt scene and therefore I have no doubt that she is very much aware of Destiel and its importance.

Once again this shot escalates into an argument between Dean and Cas that Sam is stuck in the middle of. I seriously love how this has continued throughout season 12. Sam is the poor third wheel stuck in the middle whilst his brother and brother in law have a lovers tiff.

We get another classic confused kinda bitch face from Sam when Dean snaps at him because he dares to be nice to Cas…

Seriously we have now built up a nice collection of Sam bitchfaces and knowing looks when he is stuck having to deal with these two once again. Poor Sam. Let him save the day and get a dog and marry Eileen so he can finally get some PEACE! :P

“Not only were you ditching us you were ignoring us”.

“What the hells wrong with you man?”

We have a LOT of call backs to previous seasons in this episode. I mean A LOT of call backs. This one particularly was quite interesting as it threw us right back into Purgatory:

“I prayed to you Cas, every night”

“I know.”

“You know and you didn’t… What the hell’s wrong with you?”

So what does this mean? Already we have a call back to the start of season 8, which then lead to a whole story arc where Cas was brainwashed by the angels and ended with Dean managed to break through that brainwashing with the power of… platonic friendship pfft.

Doesn’t bode well for the end of this episode though does it?

Now we need to talk about the mixtape. Yes I know this has probably already been meta’d to death on tumblr. Yes I am sure some of you are sick of it (though be honest.. you aren’t really sick of it now are you? I know how long the “I love you” conversations lasted for after 12x12 aired so shut it and enjoy my meta thoughts too. :P )

Cas follows Dean back to his room (for the privacy of course – also note that he doesn’t feel he needs to explain himself to SAM) under the pretense of returning a mixtape that Dean gave him. My first though before we even GET to the subject of Dean giving Cas a mixtape in the first place, is why Cas is using the return of this very romantic gesture at all. Even with his knowledge of pop culture, I don’t think Cas realises the importance of giving someone a mixtape, hence him thinking he needed to return it in the first place. It was in no way a rejection from Cas (like he could reject Dean pfft). But Dean clarified that it was a gift anyway. Oh but can we just pause again and store this to fandom memory forever and ever?

DEAN WINCHESTER GAVE CASTIEL A MIXTAPE

And isn’t that the most beautiful, innocent, loving gesture that for these two macho manly gruff heros its almost too much to bare! Dean Winchester is such a fucking teddybear deep down I can’t quite stand it. Argh I love him so much for this moment!

So lets talk about this mixtape some more because I can’t get enough:

“Dean’s top 13 Zepp Traxx”

Except that’s not exactly what it says. Why two Xs rather than the correct spelling? Why the slight spacing between the “TRA” and the “XX”? Why, if you are spelling “Tracks” the ‘cool’ way would you not shorten it to “Trax” why two Xs unless those Xs also had a separate meaning loosly hidden in the spelling?

Basically those Xs are also ‘kisses’ and no one can tell me otherwise.

Isn’t that just a perfect mini metaphor for destiel itself though? The main text reading is that Dean has spelt the word the slang way, using the Xs as a fun way to spell the word only. Nothing suspicious here, totally platonic.

And yet everyone knows that Xs also mean kisses. Everyone.

The romantic message is hidden in the label. It isn’t totally obvious at first, but it is once you put it together with the general meaning of a mixtape.

Speaking of, for all you kiddies out there who haven’t lived in the age before CDs, ipods and MP3s, giving someone a mixtape has a HUGE meaning to it. It is also, without a doubt, always romantic.

I am sure that by the time I post this, the mixtape will have been meta’d to death on tumblr and you will all be flailing about it anyway… I know I was as soon as I first watched the episode. This is a big moment. No. Seriously. Friends don’t give friends mixtapes. People who love people and people who have major crushes on people give people mixed tapes. It is always always romantic in its meaning.

If we try to look for a platonic reading to this, perhaps Dean didn’t make this tape for Cas, perhaps its one he had lying around already (though the Xs kinda throw that reading out). Even so, it is still a mixtape that Dean made at some point and then gave to Cas. This is the canon. I just wish we could have seen the moment Dean gave it to him (probably shoved it at him with a gruff “here, you need to listen to some real music” whilst desperately trying and failing to stop himself blushing. I LOVE this and I wanna read that fanfiction.

To make this whole thing even more romantic. Dean confirms it himself. There is no denying it. “It’s a gift. You keep those” this wasn’t just something that Dean had lying around that Cas picked up and asked to borrow, it wasn’t something Dean just shoved at him and said “You need to listen to some decent music, take this” and didn’t think about it any more. Dean put thought into it because it was a gift specifically for Cas.

If only Cas had actually realised that fact. Though I will talk more about Cas’s continued unknowing rejection of Dean this episode a bit later… first this shot:

Its beautiful, and you all know me and my hand obsession in SPN. Hands have meaning. They are important. They leave a print. There is always intimacy in moments like this. The way Dean and Cas exchange touches throughout this season always brings me joy. This moment is no different.

I have decided to make a separate post about hands in this episode because I am a nerd who got super excited about all these beautiful close up hand shots that have such a massive significance. Anyway, back to the mixtape…

Ultimately, there was no plot related reason for the mixtape scene. Other than to give Cas an excuse to come find Dean… which he had anyway? To apologise and try to clear the air (and also to find the Colt) so… why the mixtape? Why even bring it into the show if not to emphasise Dean and Cas’s relationship and the romantic nature of it that is now more than heavily implied. After a previous one sided love confession how is ANYONE supposed to read their relationship as anything other than inherintly romantic?

Cas’s quiet “Oh” just infuriates me because REALLY CAS? You didn’t KNOW what that meant? Urgh. I mean, yeah okay so he never has been very good with the whole social conventions and stuff like that but still. Then Dean just goes and does something which makes me love him even more. He starts a conversation. Oh boy how he has grown. Communication is key and Dean FINALLY seems to be understanding this.

“Cas, you can’t… with everything that’s going on you can’t just go dark like that”

Interesting. Dark like Superman going darkside yeah? We are back to 6x20. We are seriously getting flashbacks to Destiel’s greatest hits in the space of a few minutes here. Also, this whole conversation is just so freaking intimate in the way it is shot, the dark moody lighting, the way both actors are speaking relatively softly compared to their usual gruff tones and just the sheer weight of emotion in Dean’s face.

Its forcing the viewer to get up close and personal with Dean’s feelings here. Forcing them to really consider how much he is hurting and therefore forcing them to ask the question WHY. Why does this make me, as a viewer, feel like I am intruding? Is this a common shot composition for friendly conversations between platonic friends?!? Um. Nope. Hence this ENTIRE SCENE SCREAMS ROMANCE. And also, sadly, betrayal.

At least we get an explanation from Cas. The thing is, we see Dean’s POV most of the time, therefore we don’t really get to understand Cas’s reasons for doing things, but this episode he does get a chance to justify his actions, and as expected, it all comes back to Dean…

“I needed to come back here with a win for you… for myself”

Because Cas has failed so much, is still suffering from depression (though it hasn’t been brought back into maintext for a while now) and is so conflicted on where he is supposed to be going nowadays. He has lost his mission, he has no riteous path, and no faith… and this episode is all about faith when you get down to it… faith and fate, destiny and hope for the future… though not from the right place (and we are now back even further – in season 5.) and Dean is desperate to get him back on track but still doesn’t really say the right things.

“We will find a better way”

“You mean we?” *gestures to the both of them

“Yes, dumbass, we.”

Dean is still having to clarify for Cas that he is part of their family and that they want him around. Cas still doesn’t get it, because even if Dean thinks he is being clear, he really isn’t. Not to someone who has struggled with their self worth, struggled with depression and feelings of total worthlessness. It will take far more than some words about the three of them to get Cas to realise just how much Dean cares. Remember folks, from Cas’s perspective, he has confessed his love and hasn’t heard it back. He didn’t a get a “I love you too” or even a “we love you too”. Just a “we ain’t leaving you behind”. Which is easy to explain away as the Winchesters not wanting people to die on their watch. The Winchesters always try to save people, meaning Cas isn’t any more special than any other random civilian who the Winchesters wouldn’t leave to die… when you think about it from Cas’s perspective, its still a bit of a kick in the teeth.

“You, me… and Sam. We’re just better together” Again, Dean isn’t quite giving Cas what he needs? The pause, then the added “and Sam” just takes us right back to the beer run in 11x23 and Cas’s dissapointment, It becomes easy to understand Cas’s motivations when you look at it from a destiel perspective and consider that he has been rejected and continuously referred to as a third wheel to the brother dynamic. In Cas’s mind, Dean doesn’t return his feelings, and by not understanding the implications of a mixtape as a gift, nor the extent to which Dean would go to forgive him, Cas continues down his path of destruction and takes the Colt. They may be communication, but they aren’t really communicating. Its such a classic romance trope and I’m pulling my hair out STILL over these two.

“Lets go Team Free Will”. Could the callbacks to previous seasons be any more obvious? Now we really are in season 5 and in the past 5 minutes have travelled back through the greatest hits of destiel. From Purgatory guilt, Season 6 betrayal and now season 5 loss of faith. These are the major themes of 12x19. Cas is stuck in a cycle of self destruction. Where will this end for him?

The next scene with Dean and Sam discussing Sam’s theories and the grace extraction as a potential solution just proves how far they have come. Its no longer “how do we kill the thing” but “how do we stop the thing from being evil without resorting to violence?” I call this the “Amara Effect” and I am very happy about this. Anyway, what I really wanna talk about here is just how happy Dean was to finally have a solution and how his FIRST THOUGHT was “I’ll get Cas”. Like he just wanted Cas to be there to work with them on this together. He really did mean what he said to Cas in his room. My heart breaks for him when he realises Cas is gone.

However can we please just take a moment to be so fucking thankful that FINALLY IT IS CANON THAT CAS HAS A ROOM IN THE BUNKER!!

This is CAS’s ROOM! CASTIEL HAS A ROOM AT THE BUNKER. Number 15 to be exact. 3 doors down from Dean. (yes I know this was also the number of the room used by Mary apparantly earlier on in this season but clearly Cas stays there because why else would Dean have gone to this random room to look for him and not the kitchen or the archives hmm?)

LOOK AT THE HEARTBREAK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE REALISES CAS IS GONE AGAIN

Oh Dean. It is such a common trope though. Just when he thinks he has the person he loves back by his side again, they are gone. We really are back to season 8 here with Cas being the one rejecting Dean. (please lets not forget that the extent of the rejection for the past three seasons has been on Dean with Cas holding the torch for destiel and it is only now that we are finally experiencing the brunt of the shift back to Dean.) This episode is by FAR the most romantic we have had so far in terms of destiel in the past FOUR seasons. The only episodes that really surpass it are 6x20 and 8x17 (though 12x10 is a close contender). This is being written, and shot as a romance and my gosh I love it. Poor Dean.

THEN we get further justification for Cas’s actions. I know that this episode hasn’t really done him any favours for painting him as a bit of a villain and I know that the Cas haters will have a field day with his treatment of the Winchesters, but we are getting solid explanations for his actions here, and they all point back to Cas’s love for the Winchesters, his love for Dean…

“I am doing this for the Winchesters. I stole the Colt to keep them out of this mission”

“I will kill this girl, so that Sam and Dean won’t have to.”

Because that really is love, Cas would do the dirty work to spare Sam and Dean the pain of having to do something that could traumatise them further. Cas is doing this so that they won’t have to suffer that. He is doing it to protect them, because he loves them. I swear to god if I see a single post from a cas hater trying to paint him as a villain who doesn’t care I will be all over it. They have NOTHING to back up their arguments.

It is of course, the same tune that Cas is singing again and again. This is the reason behind ALL of his motivations. Its always about the Winchesters. Its not about his reputation, glory, praise, its not even about saving the world. Its about sparing Sam and Dean from doing something horrible. He just wants them to have the peace and freedom they taught him was so important back in freaking season FOUR. I won’t be holding his decisions in this episode against him, because I think Dabb has a very clear idea of where Cas is going with his story arc, and its all about emphasising what is truly important to him, what Cas basically lives for now. Yeah, he needed the win. He needs to put a stop to something that could potentially destroy the world, but his true reasons for doing it are spelt out in this episode.

Coming back to Sam and Dean, the conversation about the Colt:

“How did Cas even get the Colt out of the safe in the first place?”

“…”

“Dean, you put the colt back in the safe right? Dean?”

“… it was under my pillow… I like to keep it close.”

“He came into my room and he played me.”

“He played us both.”

What I love about this exchange, is that until this moment we don’t know where Cas got the Colt from. He could have just broken into the safe, or he could have got it from where Dean previously kept it under the table in the library. But they chose to have him steal it from under Dean’s pillow. Once again there is added intimacy to a scene where really, the intimacy is unecessary for the plot. When you start to put together all the choices that the writer and director made for this episode, it becomes really difficult to see it from a persective that doesn’t involve Destiel.

Yes, we know in the previous scene that Dean left Cas alone in his room, but the way Dean acts when he owns up to Sam that it was stolen from under his pillow makes it sound like it WASN’T innocent. “Cas came into my room and distracted me and manipulated me enough to find and steal the colt from under my pillow.” It just stinks of sexual subtext and it makes the betrayal that much worse. As I said before, this is 6x20 all over again. But this time its even MORE personal BECAUSE of everything they have been through since then and just how much they have admitted to each other including a bloody love confession and a mixtape. The theft from under the pillow of all places only adds a sexual layer to that heap of intimate subtext. Am I saying they had sex? No. I am not saying this. What I am saying is that having Cas steal the Colt from under Dean’s pillow rather than from a safe or from another safe place adds a layer of intimacy that was not previously necessary. It makes the theft a bigger violation of Dean’s trust than stealing it from the safe, it makes the betrayal a lovers betrayal rather than the betrayal of a friend in the subtext. (I’m not sure if I’m explaining this well, but hopefully you all get the general idea).

Basically, it is another point to add to the list of things in this episode that show that Dean and Cas’s relationship is romantic rather than platonic at this stage (even if textually it isn’t… its how they both act and feel around each other and emphasises how their feelings for each other are NOT PLATONIC.)

As always, at this stage, if you are still struggling to see a destiel reading, consider the same scene but with Sam rather than Dean. Would it work the same way? Have the same impact? How about instead, just considering WHY this never happens to Sam? Why Dean gets the emotional close up with the sweeping string music whilst staring longlingly into Castiel’s empty bedroom and not Sam. Why its Dean that runs off to get Cas, why its Dean’s pillow that Cas stole the Colt from under, why its Dean that gave him the mixtape, and not Sam.

Then we get shots like THIS:

Which lets be honest, are oozing with sexual tension. I was discussing with @godshipsit about how when I first watched this scene, my heart kinda skipped a beat and I was stunned for a second into thinking “this is how they will go canon” (not in this exact scene in this episode of course, but it will be like this when it finally happens. Because I can picture this shot, I can picture the frustration between them and Dean just deciding enough is enough and taking that final step forward and just kissing his dumbass angel so that he finally gets it) The framing of the shot again is beautifully done, the circle around them, framing them and also making the viewer feel like once again they are spying on them. Yes Dean is angry, but Cas is letting him manhandle him up against a wall. Remember he is an angel, he could easily stand his ground, but he doesn’t. He lets Dean get out his frustration here. Lets Dean be threatening. Notice how Sam doesn’t ever react in such a way. Because its not really how friends react is it?

Okay so Dean and Cas have a volatile relationship, that sometimes leads to moments like this which could be viewed as violent or even dare I say ‘abusive’ and gosh wouldn’t the anti’s have a field day with that. But think about romantic tropes for a second, the old hollywood types. Its never friends that get angry and have moments like this that are shot in such a way, but lovers? Having lovers tiffs? Yeah, this is common. The fighting, the pinning against a wall, the staring into each others eyes trying to stand their ground? Its classic sexual tension. Dean doesn’t hurt Cas in this scene remember. Cas doesn’t hurt Dean either. Not physically. The only reason that Cas hurts Dean emotionally is because he doesn’t realise how much Dean cares about him. He knows he is betraying his friends, he knows he is doing wrong in terms of a friendship but views his actions as justified to keep them safe. From a romantic perspective Cas has not yet grasped just how much he is emotionally hurting Dean at this point – because Dean hasn’t yet given him reason to believe he is hurting him this much – though he makes it pretty obvious from the audiences perspective.

Then if we hadn’t already had it spelled out to us again Cas once again gives us his reasons:

“I wanted to keep you out of this, I was trying to keep you safe”

“this is my responsibility”

The writers are constantly trying to remind the audience that Cas’s reasons are always about the Winchesters. There isn’t a selfish bone in his body. He may be jepardising his relationship with them, but to him the end justifies the means. Cas wants the Winchesters kept safe, so his betrayal makes sense to him. Like I have said before. It is season 6 all over again. I just hope it ends differently.

I have to give Dean major kudos here though for being the most understanding boyfriend on the planet, because even after Kelly and Cas steal his beloved Impala he STILL is able to stick up for Cas

“He’s so desperate for a win now he can’t even see straight”

In case the viewers weren’t aware already that Cas is SO NOT THE BAD GUY HERE, Dean spells it out for us in his own words. Yeah, he’s pissed, but he is still able to see Cas’s POV, he gets it, he still cares, still wants to be there for him. I am sure there is some awesome symbolic meaning behind him fixing Cas’s truck up for him as well. If the way Dean fixing up the Impala is supposed to symbolise him healing his own soul, fixing up Cas’s truck has got to also symbolise him fixing Cas. Dean will be there for Cas when he comes back, like he always does.

Dean has come so far this season. His development, his ability to see other peoples POV, his distaste for lies and his slow deconstruction of his ‘performing Dean’ mask. I just adore how far Dean has come, and I can’t wait to see more of this. Dean is being forgiving, he is understanding, he is communicating and I think it is wonderful, really. Not just for destiel, but for his own health and state of mind, and for all the other characters he interacts with.

Moving past the epic finale with baby lucifer taking control of Cas to destroy Dagon, I need to talk about this scene:

Because yeah, something is wrong with Cas, but he was still himself enough to show this level of care and consideration to Dean. The gentle “you’re hurt” and this gorgeous and intimate (again the intimacy in the shots this episode has me majorly fangirling at Amanda Tappin’s excellent direction) caress as he heals him. Dean doesn’t get a standard tap on the forehead or glowy hand hovering a few inches above an injury. Nope. Dean gets gentle, intimate caresses as he is healed. Because Dean is and always will be special to Cas.

Dean won’t let Cas leave, even after everything Cas has done this episode, he still worries about him and argues to stay with him

“Whatever that thing did to you we’re not just gonna let you walk away” Dean knows that Cas isn’t right, he knows that he can’t leave him now. Dean has been down this road before, and that whole speech about faith and the baby well, it just brought back major 8x17 feels to be honest. It sounded like Cas talking about the angel tablet all over again. That was after the brainwashing was broken remember? More on that in a bit.

Basically, this episode was full of destiel moment and I am a big heap of emotional mess thanks to it. Nevertheless, there is more to talk about than just the glorious destieliciousness of this episode (yes that is totally a word).

Therefore, let’s consider what we learned about:

Lucifer’s Baby, Faith and the Future

The fact that this episode started out so darkly, immediately screamed to me that it was not going to end well either, or that any of this was going to end well. Kelly was so very lost to the point that she killed herself. A striking visual for the viewer, and one that is all too common in TV and film nowadays. Kelly couldn’t cope with what her baby would become, and so resorted to taking her own life and the life of the baby instead.

Honestly this is the first episode that I have actually liked Kelly’s character. It feels like the first time she has had any real depth and personality (which is fitting since its also the first time she has been written by a writer other than the terrible duo).

The baby saves her though of course, since it is half angel and therefore has the power of grace to heal her. This shouldn’t be surprising to anyone who understands angels but Kelly treats it as a miracle. She has a change of heart and suddenly we are on the “faith” path.

I think that Cas was probably always going to bond with Kelly after this scene. It may still only be buried in the subtext, but we have had enough call backs to season 8 this episode to make us remember that very heart breaking moment in 8x08 when Cas admitted to Dean that he might kill himself. Cas has been suicidal in the past. With everything he has been through, it’s no wonder he couldn’t go through with killing Kelly.

Whilst I don’t think that the baby will be quite the great evil that Dagon thinks it will be, I have no doubt in my mind that it has Lucifer-like tendencies to manipulate and that at this point its main concern is its own survival. I don’t think it is inherently evil, but still:

“Every sad weak human, every tight ass angel, every snivelling demon, they’ll all be consumed.”

Doesn’t this all seem very Amara-like to you? Because honestly the use of the word ‘consumed’ kinda throws big Amara signs my way. But surely not because we did this story last season. (see this is why the Lucifer baby story annoys me). Anyway, the stories are really similar. The Angels all want this baby dead, so they go to great lengths to kill it, only Cas can’t do it because hes’ Cas and he may talk a big game but killing innocents hasn’t been his thing since well… Jesse… and that is yet another time they basically did this freaking story.

As I mentioned though, Kelly gets through to Cas because of their similar experiences with desiring suicide and feeling hopeless. They are both mirrored this episode as feeling lost and hopeless and therefore vulnerable and easy to manipulate. Isn’t that always the way the devil gets to you? Isn’t that exactly what Lucifer did to Cas last year?

The whole conversation about faith and destiny is very season 5 and is very intentional in an episode that has already used the phrase “team free will” to refer to Sam, Dean and Cas. Other things in this episode that seem kinda pointless on the surface but must have some deeper meaning include the death of Joshua. Why bring him back for all of one episode only to kill him like that? Unless of course he was simply there to remind the viewer of something? Just like the mentioning of “team free will” even though honestly why Dean would say such a thing to Cas who was unconscious the first time he said it? This isn’t just fanservice. This is to take the viewer right back to season 5 and the BIG theme of that season. Free Will, Freedom and Choice are far more important than destiny and fate, and that faith can come from all kinds of different sources.

The last episode where we met Joshua was Dark Side of the Moon. The episode where Castiel lost his faith. Since then, Castiel has had only one real source of faith: the Winchesters. Yes he has been lost and low and broken over the years but he has always had one overall believe, and that is the Winchesters and what they do. In the same episode where we see a massive increase in Destiel subtext and Pining!Dean we also see the return of Joshua for all of two seconds and Dean trying so hard to get through to Cas, to convince him that the three of them work best together, but Cas still doesn’t get it, doesn’t see it, because Dean hasn’t given him the real reasons, hasn’t spelled it out for him the way Cas did to Dean in 12x12. There has been no obvious love confession from Dean. So Cas is still lost, still wondering, still without a guiding light to bring him home.

Hence he is an easy target for the creepy baby to come and take him as its personal protector. By the end of the episode, Castiel is not our Cas. Not the Cas that chooses the Winchesters anyway. Not the Cas that chooses love over all else. This is a Cas who is reminiscent of Cas when he held the angel tablet and it spoke to his angel coding and told him to keep it safe at all costs. This isn’t brainwashing as such, not the way Naomi brainwashed him, or Rowena cast a spell on him, or Lucifer possessed him. This is a Cas that is vulnerable and in desperate need of a mission to keep him preoccupied to stop him from feeling utterly worthless because he couldn’t bring Dean a “win”. That baby latched on to those feelings, and convinced Cas that he was the best chance of a better future.

The fact that both Kelly and Cas had these yellow eyes is clear proof that this is NOT GOOD. Okay so they still have their pupils in tact unlike the Princes of Hell, but it is still yellow and it still came with that unsettling sound effect that was always associated with Azazel (and then brought back for Ramiel). The baby may not be “evil” in the literal sense, but it is not a good thing. It will not be born and be the “savior”.

Castiel and faith do not go together. When you give Castiel faith in anything that isn’t a Winchester, well, its just not done. This won’t be good. Especially when the words “The Future” were heard over this shot:

Isn’t that ominous. Castiel may have come back to his senses enough to gently heal Dean’s injury (proving that our real Cas is still in there somewhere – always thinking of Dean when he is hurt) but real Cas would NOT just leave Dean and Sam lying on the ground vulnerable outside the ENTRANCE TO HEAVEN AND ALL THOSE ANGELS THAT HATE THEM. WHAT THE FUCK? Yeah so not good basically.

Whatever the future that the baby showed Cas was, it seemed to please him. Now, since it showed Kelly the real future that we saw in this episode then it must have been somewhat real, it also had to be something that was enough motivation to give Cas his faith back… but what could that possibly be? A world without SPN creatures? A world in which Sam and Dean have the peace they deserve? Safety? A life outside of hunting? What else could possibly motivate Cas to go along with this babies ‘plan’ if not something to help the Winchesters?

I’m still unconvinced that this will be anything but bad and that Castiel has been shown a lie. Either that, or this is how they tie the whole thing into the BMOL plot where they want to get rid of all spn creatures as well… even though Sam and Dean are also against them (or will be once they realise the extent of their crazy fascism).

All I can hope is that Dabb knows where he is going with this. The emotional plot seems to be far stronger than the actual story line this year. Which is great in one way, but I still feel we are lacking structure, and I cannot see how this is gonna end. I kinda want to believe that Dabb has decided to let Cas get sort of brainwashed again just so he can have another go at the Crypt Scene (and get it RIGHT this time) because really what else is gonna break Cas out of this weird kind of semi-controlled state? Other than Dean’s love? Why else would they ramp up the subtext to 11 in the same episode that Cas loses his own free will if not to prove to us that Dean will yet again be the key to his freedom?

Overall

The Destiel was great, the plot kinda meh, I have no idea where this baby plot is going and if we get a repeat of season 11s baby Amara plot I’ll be pissed. If Lucifer doesn’t die in the finale I’ll be pissed (I want Cas to hold him down whilst Sam kills him). Fingers crossed for a Crypt Scene but with a canon confession of love from Dean far greater than 8x17s “I need you”. After all, he has been shedding so much of his performance mask, trying so hard to be honest, to accept other people into his life… he is opening himself to vulnerability and accepting that it is okay to do – even when those people hurt him… Dean is learning to be emotionally healthy and really, this route can only end in him doing the one thing he has always struggled to do. The return of his mother this season has only emphasised this. Bearing in mind she is the only person he has ever said the words to before. Could we be on track to getting a confession of love from Dean to Cas? Isn’t it about time? After this episode, I actually think it’s a possibility.

I hate that Cas is not himself again. It breaks my heart. I imagine a lot of people see this as a regression, and I am trying not to. He needs to learn that there are other ways. The difference is that now Dean knows the reasons why Cas is like this. Cas did use his words to explain his reasons quite clearly, so Dean understood. Dean just needs to figure out the key to getting Cas to see things from his POV.

This episode had many great points in it. Obviously the destiel was glorious. The camera work and framing and composition and direction were also fantastic. I hope Amanda comes back and directs again. The one word I will use to describe this episode is “intimate”. Because half the time I felt like I was watching very private moments between characters and I don’t usually feel that way. It was really well put together. I do hope it all comes together by season end, though I am still not too sure. Either way, I liked this episode, even with the baby plot and Lucifer turning up in the middle there. It was satisfying. I’ll give it a 8/10 for how it made me feel after my first watch.

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agentmika · 4 years ago

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this is the bee movie destiel fic and it's SO GOOD

#dean threatening to ladybird himself while HE'S driving took me out honestly #plus the bee movie truly is an apt analogy AND eileen is so funny and cute in this even tho she's mainly background but still #spn #destiel #fic recs #cher.txt #tumblr user sunforgrace has a nice long review i just reblogged go check it out if u want more deets

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livefromtheballpit · 3 years ago

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In this post I will be detailing what I know so far.

In my years, I’ve been familiar with numerous fandoms and consumed quite a lot of the same media as was popular on tumblr during the 2014-2015 era. These pieces of media include but are not limited to:

Steven Universe

Supernatural

The Fault in Our Stars

Harry Potter

Percy Jackson

Divergent

Twilight

Glee

The Hunger Games

Avatar: The Last Airbender

However, I never fully participated in the fandom communities of any of them. Probably my biggest exposure to tumblr-adjacent culture was Steven Universe - mainly due to the fact that I followed the series as new episodes came out, as well as doing extensive research on the subject. Still, I had little cognizance of the majority of the fandoms that were popular during 2014-2015 - which is why I compiled a list of relevant ones during the time period:

Superwholock (Supernatural, Doctor Who, Sherlock)

Harry Potter

Percy Jackson

The Hunger Games

Steven Universe

The Maze Runner

Divergent

Glee

Star Trek

Star Wars

Lord of the Rings

Naruto

Homestuck

Legend of Korra

Hetalia (oh my god)

The Fault in Our Stars

Adventure Time

The Lorax (Onceler specifically)

Hamilton

Dan and Phil

*There are likely a lot fandoms that I missed - the list will grow and change as this historical inquiry progresses.

Before I began investigating, I made a preliminary list of miscellaneous references I already knew.

“I like your shoelaces” “Thanks, I stole them from the president”

None pizza left beef

Warm milk in a starbucks post

Superwholock in general

OTP’s, ship culture

Kinning in general

Justgirlythings

Aphobe blocklist

Destiel and the events of November 5th, 2020

FNAF

Shane Dawson (not good)

Calling people “cinnamon roll” or “smol bean”

Undertale

MLP in general

Rage comics

Dashcon (and the ball pit)

Yourfaveisproblematic

Tumblr men in general

Now, a list of references I know at this point in time:

[everything in the list above]

Supernatural fandom has a gif for everything

Do you love the color of the sky?

Pomegranate gore TW

The Mishapocalypse

The disappearance of the Superwholocks

Moon moon

Moreo’s

My immortal

Dragonkin diamond eating stuff

The infamous John Green monologue, hence him leaving tumblr

Oncest

Coletureconcept

The infamous ‘you, come, now” pointing post

The most british picture ever

Feminist Ryan Gosling

Hetalia in its entirety

Joker without makeup

Ankle bracelet shoe pic

The Vlogbrothers in general

Fandom blog vs Hipster blog

Alexandria’s Genesis

Sharks are smooth

Handstand Abs Guy

The down with cis bus

All or Nothing

We popping the biggest bottles

That covers most of the information I’ve gathered so far pertaining to tumblr. I have also been looking into other parts of 2014-15 culture (music, fashion, pop culture, historical events) but I will only be reviewing internet-specific findings on this blog.

Stay tuned as this journey progresses.

#2014 #i am in too deep #help #how did people who experienced this stuff manage to not spiral into insanity #praying for anyone who was on the internet during this era #2015 #this is beginning to take a mental toll #heritageposts i blame you

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the-trashy-phoenix · 3 years ago

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Supernatural season 8 review (part 2)

Link to part 1:

Season 8 is far way better than season 7, and overall one of the best seasons of Supernatural, because in my opinion it brings a lot of new and positive elements to the show, even if it has some flaws (like episode 08x04, I'm sorry but what was that?).

We left Dean and Castiel in purgatory, which from, one year after they got in, Dean escapes with a vampire called Benny (08x01), and reunites with Sam who has retired from hunting and started living a life with a woman, Amelia, who he has already broken up with. The relationship between the brothers is already strained because of Sam (who didn't look for him or for Kevin, who was captured by Crowley), and will eventually have its ups and downs throughout the season. Although I would understand why Sam wanted to live a normal life at this point (especially since everyone he knew died or disappeared), I don't think he should have left Dean in purgatory without looking for him (or for Kevin). They eventually find him and discover that there's also a demon's tablet that could send the demons to hell and close its gates forever, so that becomes their primary mission in season 8. Kevin then has to hide throughout the season to translate the tablet and to avoid being caught again by Crowley, the main enemy of the season. We discover many new aspects of his personality and life (such as his relationship with his mom, who appears in episode 08x02 and is a total badass), but also an evolution, from the terrified student to a prophet who no longer fears even Crowley. The first time I watched Supernatural Kevin was one of my favorite characters, perhaps also due to the fact that he was younger than everyone else and that he was vaguely almost my age, and even today I am fond of him, mainly because I love his character and because I am sorry that he had to live this life against his will.

The first episodes of the season contain a series of flashbacks showing the time the brothers were separated, Sam living a new life with Amelia and Dean in purgatory with Benny and Castiel. While I loved Dean's flashbacks, I admit that those who showed Sam's life with Amelia didn't excite me that much. I never really liked the relationship between the two, perhaps because I never liked Amelia as a character herself (she didn't pass on much to me), plus it allowed Sam to ignore all the problems that I think he should have dealt with in this case. The only thing I liked was being able to see Sam living a normal life, without the need to worry about saving more lives. I also think Sam's behavior throughout his time with Amelia was correct, especially when his husband came back, while I think Amelia should have been more determined and not have left Sam without knowing precisely what she wanted.

The period in purgatory, on the other hand, fascinates me particularly: the fact that it's focused on Dean, my favorite character, or that the dynamics between Dean, Benny and Castiel were much more intriguing made me probably wish there were more flashbacks like that. I forgot how much I appreciated Benny's character: it initially seems that he doesn't care about Dean and that he just wants it to get back to earth, but in latest episodes, especially in the period on earth, we notice how much he cares about him, so that he sacrifices himself to save Sam. We also learn more about him and how, even though he's a vampire, he doesn't want to hurt any human (and the thing I appreciated the most is the fact that he didn't let himself be corrupted by returning to life on earth, proving to be really good). Especially because of Sam and Dean's conflicts over having a vampire as a friend (which actually goes against Dean's usual ideals) Benny and Dean have no way of seeing each other that much on earth and Benny realizes that there's nothing left to stick him to that place (and that's why he decides to stay in purgatory once he saves Sam). Although I don't consider their relationship as strictly romantic as many do (though the basics were there), I've always enjoyed Benny’s relationship with Dean and I was sorry not to see it grow and develop (maybe even in something more, also because the parallels with the relationship between Sam and Amelia are quite present and the breaking up phase was very evident even for Dean, besides Sam, as Charlie makes us notice in episode 08x11, one of the two episodes in which she appears, along with the episode 08x20, and in which the relationship with the brothers, and especially with Dean, progresses to such an extent that she becomes a sister to both of them).

Another evolution of relationships is found between Dean and Castiel. The two end up in purgatory together, but Castiel escapes Dean immediately and he spends a lot of time that year (also with Benny) looking for the angel. Once found, we discover that he had avoided Dean to keep him away from the Leviathans and that Dean had prayed to Castiel every night to try to find him. There are several elements that make the dynamics between the two even more special: the fact that Dean desperately looked for him because he didn't want to leave without him, the joy of finding him again, the terror of finding out that Castiel had avoided and ignored him, and the relief of understanding that he had done so only to protect him add layers of depth to the relationship. When Dean can't save Cas, the guilt haunts him until Castiel shows up in front of him. We find out that Castiel wanted to stay in purgatory as punishment for doing all that damage in the past and that Dean thought he hadn't done enough to help him get out. At this point in the series I think there are at least some scenes that involve a possible outlet in a relationship that goes beyond just friendship. The most obvious moment is certainly in episode 08x17, a scene at the height of a series of events that strictly concern Castiel and his relationship with heaven. He returns from purgatory thanks to the angel Naomi, who puts him under her control, without him knowing it, to spy on the Winchesters especially to find the angel tablet, who could send the angels to heaven forever. Dean, suspicious from the first moment Castiel returns without knowing how, realizes that the angel is not okay and when the two find the tablet he tries in every way to prevent Castiel from taking it. The most shocking element is the fact that Naomi trained him in heaven to kill copies of Dean in such a way that, if necessary, he would also do so in reality. In fact, it looks like Castiel, who is totally controlled by Naomi, has no mercy on Dean and is willing to kill him, but, after an open-hearted speech and the famous "I need you" Dean utters, Castiel frees himself from Naomi's control, spares Dean and cures him. Now, it's indisputable that at "What broke the connection?" we would all answer "Castiel's love for you, Dean", but probably the most appropriate question would be "What kind of love?". From the point of view of a person who loves Destiel, I think Castiel still doesn't really realize the emotions he feels, but that certainly the form of love he feels for Dean comes close to being romantic, more than anyone else. The most obvious thing that makes me notice it is the fact that Naomi chose Dean for Castiel's training, and I think she did because if Castiel was able to kill Dean he would easily kill anyone else. I remember when I was fifteen years old, watching this scene for the first time and not shipping Destiel that much, this moment got me thinking. Castiel, however, once back in himself still takes the tablet and hides it from Dean, not trusting what he could do. Dean, when the two meet again, shows all his disappointment at knowing that Cas doesn't trust him, once again showing how much he cares about the angel. Luckily, the two manage to make peace and collaborate until the last episode, 08x23.

Also in episode 08x17 we meet Meg and, thanks to a conversation with Sam, in which he talks about the love he feels for Amelia, we understand that she feels something for Castiel. Probably if Destiel didn't exist I wouldn't mind seeing more of their relationship, but unfortunately Meg is killed a few minutes after that confession.

Castiel's main purpose during the course of season 8 is to redeem himself from the damage caused previously, and especially to help heaven return as it once was. That's why he lets himself be controlled by Naomi more easily and tricked by Metatron, who appears towards the end of the season and plans to bring all the angels out of heaven, making Castiel believe that they are closing the gates of heaven once and for all. Metatron makes him complete three trials, the last of which is to become a man. Castiel then, at the end of the last episode, finds himself both human and aware that he has caused all angels to fall from heaven, shown as a meteor shower in one of Supernatural's most magical scenes.

In the same episode Dean and especially Sam are busy closing the gates of hell forever. With Kevin's help, they discover that to do so they have to complete three tests, tests that also put a strain on their already rather complicated relationship. Given the danger and possible effects of the trials, Dean is the one who wants to deal with them without further discussion, trying to protect Sam at all costs, but his brother disagrees. And right now we see how Dean is now lacking that hope of lifting up and being happy that he once had. He is convinced that for him there is nothing but hunting for evil and knows that one day he will die doing just that. Hearing these words, especially after seeing the last episode of season 15, completely broke my heart. Because here it is understood that Dean, at least, does not think he is valuable enough to live a happy life outside of hunting, unlike Sam. Several times over the seasons Dean proves to be always the most pessimistic, who doesn't believe that he can win and above all that he is able to move on, and this side of it gets worse and worse, to the point of suicidal thoughts. For a character like Dean, who should have grown and realized that he was valuable enough to be happy, dying without a hint of struggle and survival instinct just when he could have been happy is really a terrible end (but I would say I can vent better about it in last season's review). As much as Dean wanted to be the one who would complete the trials, Sam accidentally passes the first one: to kill a hellhound and bathe in its blood (08x14). Sam, unlike Dean, wants to pass the tests because he wants to live on, optimistic, and so he will try to do it in every way. Dean isn't convinced Sam is the one who has to pass the trials and Sam thinks Dean wants to be the only one doing it because he doesn't trust anyone else, not even his brother. I think the problem isn't that Dean doesn't trust anyone else, but rather that Dean is only willing to hurt (and possibly kill) himself to close the gates of hell, and definitely not the person he cares about the most.

Unlike the first test, I was not completely satisfied with how the second was dealt with (08x19), freeing an innocent soul from hell (who turns out to be Bobby), because I think it was too easy to go to hell and above all find Bobby.

The last trial, on the other hand, is the most complex, the one that has been dealt with in the most interesting way and overall the best one: curing a demon and turning them into a human (08x23). The two brothers document themselves and spend quite some time searching for the magic formula (which is meant to be human blood), but the best thing is the demon on which they test this formula, Crowley, who is the enemy of the season and who proves to be Supernatural's best villain, both for his personality, for his own evolution and especially for his relationship with the Winchesters. A decisive aspect of this evolution is in fact precisely this transformation thanks to Sam's blood, which makes him incredibly more sensitive and empathetic (and in fact, although Sam does not complete the third trial and completely transform it, in the following season Crowley shows aspects of himself never seen before). In fact, Dean, once he learns that Sam, completing the trial, would die, convinces Sam to stop the trials and let go of the plan to close the gates of hell. This scene from the last episode is one of my Supernatural favorites, because it shows how much the two brothers care about each other, although they both made many mistakes, and how hurt Sam is that Dean does not trust him enough and prefers to collaborate with Benny or Castiel. Dean assures him that he is the person he would put in front of everyone else and helps him stop the pain he feels for trying to pass the third trial. While I love Castiel's relationship with Dean, I'm convinced Dean’s priorities are focused on Sam, because Dean not only played the role of older brother, but also father and mother, having been the only one to raise Sam, and the idea of seeing Sam die would completely destroy him (as we have already seen in the second season).

The two brothers, who have always lived alone in motels and cars, for the first time since the beginning of Supernatural find a "home". In episode 08x12, they meet their grandfather Henry, John's father, who has gone into the future to escape a Knight of Hell, Abaddon (who joins him and stays there), and they find out that he's part of an association called Men of Letters, the collectors of information on the supernatural who collaborate with a few hunters to handle the monsters, located in a bunker in Kansas. They then discover that they are also their legacy and decide to use that bunker, full of information that they were not aware of, as a base and home for research against the monsters they have to hunt.

The fact that the Winchesters finally have a place to live and create memories, the focus on the trials and the relationship between the two brothers, purgatory, Dean's relationship with Benny and Castiel and the fall of the angels are some of the elements that make season eight one of my favorites.

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darkmisstressofunknown · 4 years ago

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2020 Year in Review

Rules: answer some questions about 2020 and tag some people!

Tagged by @imaginetonprincecharmant thank you so much and again happy new year to you as well ♥♥ !

Better late then never I guess!

Top Five Films you watched in 2020:

1. Pride and Prejudice (2005)

2. The Crow (1994)

3. The Crow: City of Angels (1996)

4. Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

5. John Wick series

Top Five TV Shows in 2020:

1. Supernatural disregarding the last 2 episodes because they do not exist in this house.

2. Attack on Titan re-watched it before the final season started not sure if I am going to watch it yet.

3. Fated to Love You (2014)

4. Eternal Love - Three Lives Three Worlds Ten Miles of Peach Blossoms (2017)

5. Ai No Kusabi (1992 & 1994) (2012)

Top Five Songs/Albums of 2020:

1. Radio Company - Vol.1

2. Eminem - Music to Be Murdered By: Side B

3. Elvis Presley - Can’t Help Falling in Love

4. My Chemical Romance - The Light Behind Your Eyes

5. The Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody

Top Five Books I read in 2020:

Actually I didn’t read any books this year I did buy several but did not read any mainly read fics on Ao3.

Top Five Fan-fictions of 2020:

1. Crossing Boundaries for You - SasuNarufan13 (SasukexNaruto Mpreg story) hurts really good re-read this bad boy so many times last year.

2. Eucalyptus - xHaruka17x (Destiel Alpha DeanxOmega Castiel Mpreg story) hurts like a son of bitch one of my fav def re-read a lot last year

3. Undercover Boyfriend - CassondraWinchester (Destiel Alpha DeanxOmega Cas) re-read this one a lot too one of my fav

4. Barren Lands to Fertile Fields - wistering (Thorki Top ThorxBottom Loki Post Avengers IW Part 1 Hints of Mpreg) I know its not everyone cup of tea this couple but that’s fine I’m just posting what is one of my fav

5. Phenomena - AvyTan (Eruri Alpha ErwinxOmega Levi Mpreg story) One of my fav as well def re-read a lot last year too

Five good/positive things that happened to you in 2020:

1. Actually I had a very difficult year last year and my health got more complicated then its been in the past. So the only good thing that I got out of it was I finally got health insurance after years of not having it this January 1st. So I will finally be able to seek the medical treatment and help I require. And amidst the new underlying health issues I have been dealing with on top of the regular ones I’ve had I still continued being in school and still passing. My GPA actually is getting higher and higher despite my failing health.

2. Though my health was getting worse my family has continued being there for me, supported me and helped me out so that’s a positive. And although I may not have friends irl other then online it certainly helped a lot being able to connect with them and talk about the things we have in common and love.

3. Family and I got a new puppy after losing our first dog she lived over 17 years a good and happy long life she passed away in her sleep surrounded by the family. We still have her 2 remaining sisters that have certainly helped and now the puppy.

Tagging and wishing Happy New Year 2021 with a lot of happiness, health, success and prosperity to : @navajolovesdestiel @diminuel @xharuka17x @spnsmile @ladyvaderpixetc @galaxycastiel @celestialcastiel @psyleedee @caslikescoffeeandfreckles and anyone who has a eaten breakfast go ahead and feel free to participate.

Thank you all for this lovely year we spent on tumblr ♥ 2020 together here’s to building more great memories on this site!

#tag game #jenny talks #random blurb

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improper-integral · 4 years ago

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I am a little late with this observation, but once sobriety and medication effectively cured my depression (YMMV, I got VERY lucky), I started to notice a side effect. I suddenly have hobbies again! I actually... like doing stuff! Crazy, huh?

I'm putting the rest of this post under a read more, since it's kinda self-indulgent. I've been doing that a lot lately lol. So my current hobbies are:

- Watching TV shows. For a long time before my depression eased, this was ALL I ever did, just binge watched one show after another. Now it's different. First I got invested in SPN again, and then starting in January I've started to lose my mind over gay Chinese shows, which was... not what I was expecting to ever happen? lmao I already have two (the Untamed and Guardian), and I'm already planning to watch a third, Word of Honor, once all the episodes with English subs are available! Not sure when I'll go back to watching American shows...

- Reading fanfiction, of course. I'VE READ SO MUCH FANFIC. And I mean that in the general sense - I've been reading fanfic since 2002 - and also in the last several months, since I took a long break from reading fanfic.

- Writing fanfiction, occasionally. I used to write more when I was younger, over a decade ago. I somehow managed to finish an old Destiel WIP in late 2019, but then suddenly I got inspired to write 2 more fics in the last couple months. I'm feeling on a roll; I'm just waiting for inspiration to strike, but I want to keep writing! Even if I suck at it!

- Learning Spanish, Well, kinda. I'm only using duolingo and lingodeer, two language learning apps, everyday. But over a decade ago, I was a linguistics major, and I studied both French and Spanish. It's been a long time since I felt the passion for languages I once had, but it's slowly coming back. Learning Spanish in particular is also invigorating, because I live in an area with a very high percentage of Spanish speakers, and I've already had IRL conversations with people in Spanish in the last couple months. It's such a thrill!

- A few months ago, I read a popscience book on astrophysics, and it reinforced my absolute fascination with the topic, and then I had the thought: what if I could truly learn it? Not just understand a layman explanation, but understand the science underneath? Once upon a time, I thought I was too stupid to learn math or science, but then I went from being a linguistics major to a software developer, mostly through teaching programming to myself. What that means is, I'm capable of learning anything, if I put my mind to it. Okay, maybe not anything, but the point is, there is literally nothing stopping me from learning it. I'm clearly mentally capable. All I need is discipline, and time. So, I'm doing it slow and carefully: reviewing calculus and linear algebra via khan academy, then learning regular physics, and then learning astrophysics. Now, this goal is a serious undertaking - I'm going at a very slow pace, so I don't expect to accomplish it for probably a few years. But that's more than fine to me - the point is to enjoy the process of learning! I've been doing khan academy everyday for a few months now and it's been a lot of fun! (YES, I find math fun. I know that's weird, but I can't help it. Math is the shit.)

- Finally, since I mentioned being a software developer, I do work on personal projects once in a blue moon. My last one was in October, working on a simple website using the JavaScript React front-end framework and the Python Flask back-end framework. I already have ideas for my next project, mainly focusing on scraping AO3 data and then analyzing it. But the idea is still percolating in my mind. The more I use AO3 as a reader and a writer, the more I want to play around with AO3 in this way as well, but we'll see.

I went from having like 1 hobby to 6, like wow... I'm just so grateful to be alive, and to be able to do all of these fun things 🥰

#bri speaks #idk why i wrote this #i just felt like oversharing lol

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beccarecs · 4 years ago

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Professional Couple Only by saltyfeathers | Dean & Castiel

Title: Professional Couple Only | Chinese translation

Author: saltyfeathers

Word count: 37,153

Rating (by the author): M

Warnings (by the author): none

Summary: There's a haunted apartment building in Vermont, and the ad says "Professional couple only". Dean and Cas rise to the occasion.

Review: With the recent developments in the show, I thought it might be time I delve back into the fandom and see what fanfic I’ve been missing out of. This wonderful, medium-sized fic was written back in 2015 and is set after season 10 - so no spoilers for the most recent seasons. It’s a classic case fic coupled with the fake boyfriends trope, which is always a treat. However, the case aspect of the fic or the lore is not really in the focus of the story - mainly because Dean and Cas actually don’t pay too much attention to it. It was very refreshing and entertaining to have both characters be aware of their feelings for the other person from the beginning - yet dancing around each other. I am not very sure about the author’s rating, because there is definitely explicit content at times, but in my personal opinion the line between M and E is often very much blurred in fanfic. Anyway, if you’re having a bad day (or good day, because apparently Trump was defeated just now) go read this light and cheesy-but-not-too-cheesy story!

More Destiel fic recs

#Destiel #destiel fanfiction #SPN #spn fanfiction #destiel fic rec #destielmedium #destiel case fic #case fic #spn case fic #author: saltyfeathers

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hippychick006 · 5 years ago

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15.12 - Galaxy Brain

Episode Review/Recap

This is not pretty. Not the worst episode ever, but definitely somewhere in the bottom 10. It mainly suffers from having the focus on “fan favourites” I stopped caring about seasons ago, and contempt for Sam and Dean and their fans coming through loud and clear in the writing.

Everything under a cut because some people can’t handle the truth!

Official episode summary to get us excited and want to watch live: Sam and Dean respond to a frantic call and together along with Castiel, Jack, and Jody Mills (guest star Kim Rhodes), assist in an extraordinary and heartbreaking rescue. Billie (guest star Lisa Berry) surprises everyone with a visit to the bunker.

My reaction:

“Heartbreaking rescue” 😂

Kaia is shown in the recap and since I know from the promo that Jody is also in this episode, it’s yet another Wayward af episode being forced onto an audience who were very clear they didn’t want it 🙄. The recap is sending me to sleep and my bitter Sam girl is rising since he’s barely in it. Checks who wrote it and rolls eyes: Teleplay by Bobo the 🤡. Dean likely isn’t going to be much better off, prepares self for Destiel pandering and Dean being used as a side character to prop up the actual side characters. Awesome. Roll on Walker where I hope I won’t be subjected to this shit.

The radio shed scene is boring. Done with “fan favourite” Chuck and have been for several seasons now. Chuck’s droning on about Sam and Dean, yet it’s Dean and waste of space who are being shown sitting down together, with Sam barely in the background. Awesome. I just. Why? This is like when someone says something about J2 but we get a gif that includes M. Why are we incapable of getting just J2 or Sam and Dean?

Moving quickly on, we transition from one character I used to love but now don’t care about, to another character I used to love, but now don’t care about. “Fan favourite” Jody is examining a dead cow. “Fan favourite” Alex calls her, she must have been busy doing something else as she doesn’t appear in the episode. Side note, Berens put the line in about vegan lasagne because the girl playing Alex is a vegan. Oh… so we’re putting in shout outs to the side characters now? Maybe that’s why the writing is so bad. #justsaying 🤷‍♀️

Jody gets whacked on the head and is it wrong to hope she’s dead? 😔 I know she’s not dead, I know this episode is going to be TFW 2.0 rescuing her (though I predict they will end up being the ones needing to be rescued because Wayward af). It’s too much to expect some real cases, some real urban legends to investigate in the final season. Show went too big when it should have gone home.

Almost 7 minutes in and we finally have Sam and Dean. Yay! Berens has finally remembered they are still characters on the show, but I guess he hasn’t focused on them as they aren’t “fan favourites”. And of course “fan favourite” waste of space is in the scene because Chuck fucking forbid we get the brothers without their waste of space hanging around because he somehow has nothing else to do the last 4 seasons.

We’re pandering to “my three dad’s” fan fiction crowd in this scene, though sharing 1 braincell Destihellers for sure will be tweeting about “dads” Dean and waste of space and cheerleader Uncle Sam. They’re talking about “fan favourite” Jack and him eating hearts. Sam doesn’t want to trust “fan favourite” Billie (good call imo). Dean seems disconnected from this scene. Same Jensen, Same tbh. Jared, bless him, is trying his best with this shit, even bringing out the big gun puppy eyes of doom, but I’m feeling nothing but anger.

We move from them to Jack wandering around the bunker. We see him looking at “fan favourite” Mary’s initials carved into the table… and thank you show for reminding me of that fuck up that I’d wiped from my memory. 😡🤬. We learn during this scene that Jack has been trying to contact Billie, but she’s busy so sent him a reaper.

Back with my three dad’s and Jensen can barely keep the contempt out of his expression to deliver this script. 😂

We learn in this scene that Jack trusts Death so waste of space trusts Jack (me plaintively, why???), This appears to be the part in the season that waste of space is being set up to be the tool, which they’ll forgive him for yet again. 🙄 and also 😴 and 😡, a lot of 😡

Ooh, Sam just asked the obvious question, “If Jack kills god, what about Amara.” Nobody really answers it though.

Jared side-eyeing Misha at the end of this “brother” scene. Wtf are you doing in this scene? Your contribution was what exactly? Did I get any time off during any of this for you to stand in this scene doing nothing, other than pandering to Destiel stans that could give a fuck about me, than as a cheerleader for their non ship? He flounces out. I wish I could leave as easily Jared, but you sucked me into this show the first time you popped your cute mop of emo hair around the door and asked, “Do I have to?” I’m here to the bitter, bitter end my friend.

Back with Jack and “fan favourite” random reaper we’ve never seen before. No offence to the lady, but it might have been nice to see “fan favourite” Tessa back. I don’t think she bit the dust, did she? Anyway 😴 through this scene.

Parent!Sam goes to find Jack and hears him talking to someone. Immediately concerned, he knocks on the door, and enters. The reaper has disappeared. Sam asks who Jack was talking to, Jack says no one, Sam knows that’s not the case but doesn’t push it. Sam says they’re glad to have Jack back and asks if he knows that and that Jack could have come to them first, they would have helped him. So… we’re just ignoring the whole box thing and the end of last season? Awesome, said no fan of good writing or continuity anywhere.

By the way Jack, that was your cue to be honest with Sam about the reaper.

Ah, yet another pandering moment!! How would we have endured the last few seasons without one or two or twenty of these crow barred into every episode. Screams from the rooftops “waste of space is a god damn angel, he doesn’t eat or drink, why the fuck are you trying to humanise him you twats.”

Anyway 😴 through that scene and I swear, I would pay to have a version of this show with waste of space completely removed from the last few seasons. Zero purpose to this, other than setting him up to be wrong again, and taking Dean along with him, because if Jack’s anything other than a red herring, I’ll be very 😡

As an aside, I don’t know who that is in this scene but it’s not Dean. It’s not my Dean that I fell in love with. I hate how much this show lost its way and dragged everything down to pandering and soap opera drama.

As another aside, this scene is like an outtake with seeing who can have the deepest voice, their vocal chords are going to be permanently screwed.

However, what amuses me as always with any Dean and waste of space scene, they don’t actually talk, except about Sam or Jack and this scene is no different.

Dean’s phone rings. It’s Jody. I started watching this epsiode, then took a break for a couple of days and had somehow completely forgotten she was in the episode. That’s how efficient my mind is at removing the trash. 😂. Anyway she’s in trouble and tells Dean where she is and that he has to come, otherwise she dies.

Dean and Sam drive to the location given by Jody and I’m incredibly surprised that waste of space isn’t cadging a ride in the back seat. Seems this is a random time they can deal with things on their own without requiring the assistance of several others. Just like the good old days. Shame they’re saving one of the Wayward failures rather than a brand new case that would have been infinitely more interesting.

Sam and Dean get to pretend they remember how to hunt in this episode, Dean covering Sam’s back while Sam helps untie Jody who is tied to a chair in the middle of a barn is the best scene in the episode so far. Jody has plenty of time while Sam’s untying her to warn them to watch out for “fan favourite” Dark!Kaia but no, and that’s how bad this is. She barely gets a gasp and a “look out” before Sam gets whaled on. And of course they are both going to get their asses handed to them because “Wayward af” 🙄. Fucking hate Wayward, not content with ruining 4 episodes of season 13, they’ve come back uninvited to waste another in season 15.

What the fuck did I just see? No seriously, what the actual everloving fuck did I just see? (My swearing goes up exponentially the worse the writing is, I make no apology for that). Samsel-in-distress is writhing on the floor, while Dean is being choked by whiny dark!kaia complaining about her spear, so of course Jody has to be the one to rescue the Winchesters by whacking her on the back with her chair 🙄. To add insult to injury, we don’t even get a padabooty shot to make up for this atrocity we’ve had to endure. And believe me, I could see Jared desperately trying to give us that shot. I’m 😡

Now that Jody’s been shown to be more competent than the Winchesters because “girl power rules”, Sam’s able to stand up again and both he and Dean get their guns trained on dark!kaia.

Long boring scene later – mainly between Jody and Kaia because why write for the two guys you’re paying a quarter of a million dollars per episode for, when you can write for the cheap side characters and have Sam and Dean just stand in the scene doing practically nothing. Are you chuck damn insane with this nonsense? Oh sorry, upshot is Kaia is alive and Dark!Kaia can see her world ending and needs to open the portal to rescue her so she lured Sam and Dean to get to Jack (for him to open the portal like he did before). 😴

Jack and waste of space are playing connect 4. Jack wins. 😴

Sam and Jody arrive back at the bunker. We get a waste of screen time between Jody and waste of space who meet for the first time, with Sam once again being very expensive, but beautiful background. Dean comes in a little later so he can have a dramatic entrance with dun dun dun, dark!kaia. 😴

I love how the Scooby gang are all off to the side, having a conversation but Dark!kaia is clearly within listening distance so it just makes them look like dumbasses.

Jack’s off limits in helping Kaia (Parent!Dean said no), but Sam says they’re going to look for another way. Ummm… wasn’t that what the entirety of Season 13 was about and you needed the grace of an archangel for? You’re just going to “check the lore” and miraculously find in half an episode what you couldn’t find in the entirety of a season? This is bad. Waste of space is going to call plot device “fan favourite” Sergei. How they never stumbled across Sergei before, I have no idea as he seems to be the oracle as far as Drabbernatural is concerned.

Dark!Kaia is so whiny. They are terrible at writing teenage girls, it’s actually insulting at this point.

Oh, I thought Jack had found the right spell in research, but turns out the monster needed for the spell is now extinct as they read about it in dad’s journal. Wow, I don’t remember the journal being mentioned in a long time, surprised they remember it even existed, let alone used to be the holy grail of hunting and pretty much what the show centred around in the early seasons (*whispers*, when the show was good).

Wow, they even managed to make the 30 second broment boring. This is a new low. 😴

Jody and waste of space scene because yes, out of all the scenes I could have wished to see in the final season, this was on the list. 🙄. They talk about “fan favourite” Hunter!Barbie Claire (who couldn’t be in this episode because she’s all that and a kit kat now - Supernatural who? I don’t know her.). We find out Claire loved Kaia. I mean yeah, it’s totally normal to fall in love within 15 minutes of knowing someone. Fucking hell, someone take this pandering hack’s laptop away and save us from this trite aimed only at people who share 1 braincell who only wanted the relationship as it’s a “parallel” to Destiel. But since Dean dancing with a lamp a couple of episodes ago was a parallel for Destiel, why are we pandering to them. (*whispers* the writers are all narcassists and put stoking their ego before good writing).

This is bad. Did I mention this was bad? No, but it’s really, really bad.

Jack was listening in so he’s going to do something stupid so Claire gets her “love” back. Of course he is. 🙄

He goes to speak to Dark!Kaia. She’s still whiny, we’ll fast forward this garbage to the point Jack looks inside Dark!Kaia’s head to see what she sees, which is Kaia struggling in lizard world. 😴

Jack goes to Sam and Dean and says he’s helping Kaia because he owes her. Parent!Winchesters are funny, neither are happy with what Jack wants to do but they support their mother killing son.

Reaper is back to stop Jack doing something that is “Winchester dumb” and Jesus fuck, how much contempt does this hack writer have for the lead characters and the 99% of the audience who love them?

Anyway the next few minutes are how stupid the Winchesters are that they can’t even fix the warding on the bunker, and I hate this writer is getting paid actual money for handing this crap in. Unfortunately, he’s got his fellow writers and a couple of hundred sycophants telling him how absolutely amaze balls he is with the rest of the c list cast tweeting around each other at how good they all were.

This is my favourite bit of the episode – not really – but it amuses me the Hellers are making mountains out of “I need to borrow your angel” (😔 pandering) and completely ignoring that no-one bats an eye or puts up a token protest that the reaper needs to use waste of space to feed the wards to keep them running as long as they need for the spell to work. No one asks what harm that might do to him, waste of space is yet again, nothing more than... well, a waste of space really. Never change Hellers, never change. 😂. I’d like to point out that if Sam has been needed to charge it, the reaction from Dean would have been entirely different. 😂

Dean makes the spell, Sam reads the words, while 2 of the 3 side characters just stand there with no purpose. The warding going up throughout the bunker is the coolest part of this episode though. Special effects used their $2.50 dollar store budget wisely this week. 👍

10 second broment where Sam asks Dean how Sam’s feeling about what they’re doing.

Sam: honestly? It feels like we’re taking a big, probably stupid risk… it feels good. Disobeying cosmic entities, doing the dumb right thing, it feels like we’re back.

Note to Berens, I think you could have fit a few more dumb synonyms into that speech to let us know how you really feel). 🙄

I like how Sam checks Dean’s backpack in this scene though. I’m wondering if that was J2 rather than writing or direction.

Yet another scene between Jody and waste of space. 😴. Jody thanks him for staying behind to look after the reaper. Waste of space says he wants Jody to stay behind too.

Jody (out of absolutely nowhere): What is that? Some bs male chivalry thing?

Fuck off with your sjw feminist bullshit to please the single braincellers. With shitty lines like this, it’s absolutely no surprise Wayward didn’t get green lighted.

Waste of space talks about how he’ll never be able to make what’s right, what he “took from Claire”. Oh, you’ve remembered you possessed a child, incapable of consenting to being possessed, in order to blackmail her father to agree to being possessed again against his will. A father and husband you got killed because you provoked Lucifer by shouting “Hey assbutt” at him and getting Jimmy blown to smithereens? And you still wander round wearing his face and clothes? No, waste of space, you can’t ever make up for that.

Anyway, the reason he doesn’t want Jody going is that if Claire loses her on top of what she’s already lost (including Kaia), then it would kill her. Jody agrees. I meanwhile have to stop watching while I try to find my eyes which have rolled right out of my head at this point of the episode. 🙄

Found them, we’re back!

The reaper and Castiel put their hands on a stone tablet, not sure if we’ve seen it before or it’s just a random object the reaper has handy. 🤷‍♀️. The wards are supercharged (hiding the use of Jack’s powers from Chuck so he doesn’t alert Chuck that he’s back). Jack opens the portal and Dark!Kaia, Sam and Dean step through to lizard world.

It’s raining heavily, but not on Sam’s hair bizarrely. Denied wet!Sam so here’s a gif from a good episode.

And because I'm here for both my boys, here’s wet Dean as a bonus

They start walking to find Kaia and are set upon by those creatures from the first Star Wars movies – the ones that sell the droids and this bit is exciting, finally we get what I’m here for. Sam and Dean are going to kick as…. Or not, because why write Sam and Dean doing what they should be doing. The creatures don’t want to fight, they are scared of the world ending and run away. Totally anti-climactic. 😔

They find Kaia and in the most bizarre writing so far in a season chock full of bizarre writing, Kaia rushes to the guy who pulled a gun on her and forced her to do something she didn’t want to do, resulting in her getting stranded on that shitty lizard world alone, and instead of stabbing him, she… hugs him.

In fairness, it was ooc writing by I think Berens that had Dean pulling the gun on Kaia in the first place so this is just a really weak attempt at fixing the original bad writing, which only ends up compounding the problem.

Sam “the writers never bother to write in a hug for me” Winchester just stands back and smiles at Kaia. In fairness, Sam never getting hugged goes way back and I headcanon that Sam has “back off” vibes to protect himself. Common in younger siblings that experience a lot of loss early in their lives.

Kaia notices dark!kaia and looks about to kill her but Sam says that she helped them find Kaia. They go to leave but dark!kaia wants to stay because she doesn’t belong in their world. Sam says she’ll die and she seems to accept that, being left behind as Sam, Dean and Kaia run for the portal.

We see Dark!Kaia’s world pretty much ending, with her embracing it, just as Sam, Dean and Kaia step back through the portal.

Jody and Kaia hug and I think we’re supposed to feel 🥰 at that, but I care for neither of them (and Kaia was the one I originally liked in season 13, but Wayward af and the trite with Claire, plus dark!kaia episodes ruined it).

Kaia and Jack scene and Kaia looks really well put together considering the entire time we saw her in the AU, she was clearly having mental issues, but like a magic wand has been waved, she’s completely normal and healthy and no worse for 2 earth years in complete isolation in a world you have to fight to survive in every day. Miraculous, but that’s a Wayward af cardboard cutout character for you.

Jody comes in and offers Kaia a home at Jody’s home for cardboard cut out girl!power hunters. Kaia asks if Claire will be there and Jody says soon.

Sam, Dean and waste of space are crammed into a frame and we wouldn’t have this overcrowding in a scene if they didn’t insist on crowbarring him in. There would be more space in the scene if he wasn’t wasting it. I’m guessing it’s to frame Jack in the front with his “three dad’s” behind 🤮. It just looks bad.

After Kaia and Jody leave, they go back to speak to the reaper. They’ve remembered they have two stars in this framing, Sam and Dean are together in the front of the shot, Jack and waste of space are behind.

Sam asks the reaper if the warnings worked. She snidely answers that the fact they are all still alive says it worked. She’s killed milliseconds later by… Billie. Oh “fan favourite” reaper, so sad to see you go. Maybe you’ll be resurrected in a later episode. We can always hope.

“Hello boys”. Wait, isn’t that Crowley’s line (and before that Ellen?).

Oh my chucking lord, why the dramatical looks at Death and everyone being scared. This is bad. This is like that Clint Eastwood movie where they all look at each other.

It’s bad. Who directed this? Lol, I think it might have been Richard. He’s been hit or miss for me. And this one’s a miss.

Sam and Dean step aside to allow Billie to get to Jack and can I just say, no parent would ever do that. I don’t believe Sam and Dean would do that, but they do, do that (sniggers childishly at do do). They just step aside without saying a word, but who cares about them and what their characters would do. Certainly not the writer of this episode.

Death tells them they risked everything for one girl and for what, because all the worlds are dying.

Waste of space says it’s Chuck and glares impotently at Death (I think that’s what he’s doing, he might just need the bathroom again, who knows anymore tbh), while she agrees with him, saying Chuck has been wiping out galaxies for the end.

Sam asks what her end game is. He asks how Jack is going to kill god, what the plan is.

Long, boring monologue later, God has a book in Death’s library, meaning he can die. Billy: Everything dies” 😂

We flashback to original death in the pizza place with Dean and I wish they hadn’t. The difference between that scene and anything in the last season is glaring. But I was right from something we were talking about a few weeks ago, because we get this quote from Death to remind us;

Death: In the end, I reap him too

Original!Dean: God? You’ll reap god

Death: oh yes

Waste of space, “And why would god write the blueprint to his own death?” (that would have been a good line for Sam or Dean who have barely had anything to say or do this episode as it is, and they’re in the scenes just standing there getting paid a quarter of a million dollars to watch someone who hung up his acting shoes before season 7, give this line, and I can’t with this).

Anyway, god didn’t write the book, the books write themselves.

Another boring monologue, the upshot of which is Chuck had to write himself into the framework, hence he has to have a book, but it’s not explained very well and I’m fake coughing bullshit on this plot device as it doesn’t make any sense but I throw my hands up in the air. If the writers don’t care about even trying to make it make sense, then why the fuck should I put any effort in to explain it away. 😴

God hasn’t read his book and can’t unless Billie lets him. Sam asks if Jack is in god’s book. She says yes and “so are you. I told you Dean, you and your brother have work to do, this is your destiny. You are the messengers of god’s destruction.”

Oh great... they’re messenger boys now? Awesome.

Back with Chuck, he’s still in Radio Shed, watching a number of televisions and all of them show worlds being destroyed.

Chuck gets up to leave, the “fan favourite” Radio Shed employee asks if he’ll be saved. Oh you sweet summer child!

Chuck says he’ll be fine, but as he leaves we see a meteor hit the store (and show, if you think that was a surprise twist ending, it was flashing neon lights from the very beginning).

The episode seemed to be double the length of normal, but nothing really happened and it was boring af.

Somebody get this show a defibrillator. Stat! Oh wait, on second thoughts, slaps “Do not resuscitate” sign onto show. Let it die in peace.

#spn spoilers #15.12 #galaxy brain #spn critical #very critical

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bluephoenixdruidicprincess · 5 years ago

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You know, I liked every ship destiel fan hated: Meg/Castiel, Sam/Jessica, Castiel/Hannah (both vessel), Dean/Cassie, Sam/Eileen, Castiel/Kelly, Castiel/Ishim (don't ask me why), Castiel/Sam...

And for those who have stuck with me since I first started becoming active in the SPN fandom, I'm sure you all remember there was once a time when I did in fact ship Destiel. But looking back to that time, I realized that Destiel was never like THE otp for me. At one point I thought it was, but I think that had a lot to do with how I had originally entered the fandom. Let me take you back to the day about three years ago or so, I was just a newbie to this tumblring thing, I'd had my blog for about a year or so and it was mainly just reviewing Shadowhunters (and I'm sure some of you remember how not impressed I was with that show) and I decided I really needed something a little more positive in my blog. Being critical is fun and all but there comes a point where you're just exhausted from it and I was also afraid that maybe I was becoming a little too jaded. So I thought it would be fun to talk about SPN on my blog as it's a show I've been keeping up with over the years and I greatly enjoy it. But the SPN fandom is honestly so huge and when you're first entering it, it's kind of overwhelming. I really had no idea where to begin. So I just thought I would stick to what I know and type in Castiel (my favorite SPN character) and see where that took me in the fandom. I found a lot of great meta postings from the more mainstream meta writers in the community and I thought it was really good so I followed them. Now, these blogs were not only heavy on pro-Cas but also heavy on Destiel. And before going into the fandom, I knew Destiel was a thing. I'd never really shipped them before this but a lot of the meta I was reading about Destiel on these pro-Cas blogs I thought was real interesting and as I started to get braver in the fandom, making my own posts, I kind of just started shipping Destiel because I felt like that's what I needed to do in order to be accepted by this community despite the fact that I'd never had particularly strong feelings about Destiel before. So I wanted to be accepted so badly that I just shipped it because hey, it's what everyone else was doing, yay peer pressure, right? But then, as I spent more time in this particular community, I began to see the darker side of the community. The community disparaging anyone who doesn't ship Destiel or hell, doesn't ship Destiel exactly the way they do and it just left a really bad taste for me and I didn't like it (I really don't like seeing people being attacked for their opinions or being treated like they're stupid or blind in their interpretations of the show). My first foray into the SPN fandom, and I probably came upon one of the more judgemental factions of the fandom. So I made a few posts about my feelings on that, I got blocked by a good portion of the meta writers within the community (even though I never referred to any of them by name, I was super vague because I didn't really want drama, but they sure knew who I was talking about, even though it still boggles my mind that they even cared what a nobody like me was even saying about their behavior). So I realized that that faction of the community wasn't for me and I started kind of just diving into multiple factions and seeing where it takes me. And I feel like I've done much better now to get rid of all that toxicity. I feel like I've found a good group of peeps who bring good content, are nice, and fun to be around. And I also stopped shipping Destiel as I realized I liked it more in fanon than canon and then I realized fanon Destiel is really just sastiel so now I'm full on the Sastiel train but I do enjoy a lot of other Sam ships and Cas ships.

Anyway, the point to this story is that I feel like a problem that destihellers and maybe even certain parts of the Destiel community in general has is that they don't want to stay in their own lane, they feel like their interpretation is the one true interpretation and they need everyone else to believe in it and if they don't then they're wrong, they're not reading the foreshadowing correctly, they're not noticing the wallpaper, and they're heteronormative or whatever. And I feel like even a lot of former Destiel shippers kind of left the ship behind partly because of just the oversaturation of Destiel and the hive mentality around how you must ship it or be ostracized, you know? It gets pretty exhausting being around those people who are constantly saying things like that. I guess you could say the community ships it so hard that people can get sick of hearing about it. And I mean, it's a good to be passionate about the things you love but you should also be courteous of other people and the things they love too (unless its pedo-related, then disparage to your heart's content).

And like you, I like a good portion of the ships the destihellers just seem to hate. Obviously Sastiel and Megstiel are pretty big ships for me. I truly love both of them. Hanstiel is great as well, I loved their dynamic a lot too. Sam/Jess I absolutely adore. Jess has always been the endgame romance I wanted for Sam. I wish they would bring Jess back but I understand the actress might be a little busy. Dean/Cassie, I've always loved the idea of them, I just wish better writers had been in charge of writing their relationship. I also really liked Dean/Lisa too. Cas/Kelly is wonderful, I love them and I wish they had gotten more time together and I would have been totally down for some romance between them. Cas/Ishim, I can see why you might ship them. I love the actor for Ishim and I think there's some fairly interesting history between Cas and Ishim that's interesting to think about. And I mean before she turned put to be a torturing reaper psychopath, I also did kind of ship Cas/April. Of course, once the torture started, I changed my stance on that but what they had in the beginning I thought was real nice and sweet.

There are so many great ships within all of Team Free Will and I do kind of feel bad for those who are so one-track minded on Destiel because they are literally missing out on a gold mind of shipping fun. I almost want to tell those people, stop taking shipping so seriously and remember to have fun with it every once in a while, you know?

#anti destiel

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naruhearts · 6 years ago

Text

14x10: Destiel, Cowboys, and Pamela Barnes

Blatant Dean/Cas-coded M/F cowboy cutouts from 13x06 Tombstone resurface again in Rocky’s Bar (Rocky & Bullwinkle; subtext: Rock Hudson, first queer Hollywood star diagnosed with HIV/AIDS), and I’m thumping the table (besides obvious meta on their intrinsic links to D/C visual narrative and what it MEANS) because firstly:

Mind!Pamela takes up female Cas-coded cowboy’s place in frame, aligning her to Cas himself, and as everyone’s discussed already, here we have Michael’s construct/Dean’s complex manifestation of Pamela the Cas mirror — dark-haired and olive skinned best friend and independent tough nut. Sounds familiar...(my full meta 14x10 review is still in progress :P but I’ll be linking this post to it!)

Dean’s mind - Rocky’s Bar itself - is an entire subconscious construct of all the various facets of his identity, both textual AND heavily (closely surface) subtextual: his bisexuality, his humanity, his deep-seated desire for human socialization represented by bars in the first place — his want for a good platonic friend, a beautiful and honest one, who fights beside him, helps him keep the bar - his most important accomplishment and dream - in order, and whom he likes flirting with.

This version of Pamela Barnes -- both Dean’s memory projection and Michael’s construct of her -- is the subconscious MIRROR of whom Dean really wants that indeed calls him out on his desires: Cas. Their dialogue held romantic connotations within a mainly romantic context (“How come you always have a boyfriend?”). Pamela = subconscious double subtextual entendre of bisexuality and Destiel.

Mind!Pamela tells him “You don’t want me - you just like to flirt,” and his curtain of performativity is indeed drawn back. It’s true! Dean likes to flirt. He’s naturally charming, and he tickles the fancy of every person - man and woman - who crosses his path, but recall everything else we know about Dean Winchester, where his natural behaviour is used to: A. gain traction for a case, or B. grab him casual flings (that can also be abused as an unhealthy coping mechanism re: Burying-My-Problems) where he gets drunk, shackles up, and says adios the next morning; his semi-serial monogamy (and his penchant for threesomes/fivesomes *yes, including the M/F Doublemint Twins and almost-textual super overt M/M/M/M/M Drowley*) is a temporary substitute for chasing after long-term romantic attachments that are “unacceptable” in the LifeTM. Pain, horror, and death, like his old man dictated, in that romantic attachments are nothing but a hindrance. I digress—

Mind!Pamela (Michael) was able to see through him and his performativity. Dean is content that she, a psychic who “kinda knows” -- who can distinguish his truths and lies -- is someone whom he feels no obligation to perform for. He can embody the non-repressed version of himself.

The multi-layered D/C take home message: Michael knows who Dean wants. Again, in an evocative Empty-parallel manner, Michael knows “who you love, what you fear”, and it is the angel, now more humanized than ever. Cas is the antithesis of Michael and the one who strikes the balance within Dean’s life course.

Quick aside - how about Dean’s role in Cas’ narrative? Without sounding redundant, I’ll briefly talk about balance.

Dean facing Michael - who took Dean’s visage --> “I Am You” definitely called back to severely broken 5x04 Human!Cas and 13x21 AU!Cas. Cas’ Dark mirror selves outlined the visual/narrative dualism of Cas’ fragile personal nature: the two extremes on either ends of Cas’ identity spectrum: Dark Angel vs Dark Human. Dean Humanity and Free Will Winchester strikes his personal balance. Knowing Dean balances Cas’ personal nature. Through Dean, Cas has discovered kinship. Family. Free will. Love.

AU CAS: You’re aligning yourself with the humans.

CAS: I vastly prefer them to angels.

AU CAS: Don’t think you are better than me. We are the same.

CAS: Yes.

Both 13x21 AU!Cas and Cas were already lost to Heaven (under their pre-existing internally rebellious human streak/inclination for Humanity), but unlike AU!Cas, he was guided –> found, in every sense of the word, by Dean.

14x10 echoed 13x21 via Michael!Dean vs Dean in that Dean has what Michael does not: meaningful interpersonal relationships that can drag him back from the brink of dark extremism.

(Cas needs you to come back, Dean.)

Dean has found freedom through Cas. Self-acceptance. Happiness. Love and...Love.

What Dean still perceives, however, is that he is unworthy of Cas, which Pamela the Cas reflection points out: “How come you only want what you can’t have?”. Dean wants Cas, and he is fully cognizant and self-aware of that fact. He searches for the rainbow endlessly, but he’s uncertain…afraid of the wind’s flow (and his internalization of low self-worth remains --> he believes “all good things come to an end”. Temporary contentment, where he’s undeserving of such good things as epitomized by real estate woman who wants to infringe on Dean’s property/dream; ‘sell it out’ literally and figuratively).

Either Dean will find his pot of gold waiting for him, or he won’t, and this is the underlying star-crossed literary beauty of the D/C narrative.

Dean’s sick of pretending. He WANTS the wind to show him the way, but we must remember that, in an episode rich with the concept of authorial authority - writing your own fate and ever-glaring Free Will - he NEEDS to blow the wind himself. If he just allows himself to believe that he can have true happiness, then he will.

Secondly, we see Dean and Cas distinctly occupy the visual spaces of their counterpart in both 13x06 and 14x10 (you can also see phallic Space Cowboy aka Cosmic Cowboy in the first frame), subtextually interlinking the episodes together in continuous Destiel narrative symmetry.

And the bar is further decorated by bisexual hues of blue, pink, and purple, with the M/F cutouts serving as an additional silent manifestation of Dean’s bisexuality (mind you, overall Rocky’s Bar was swimming in queer subtext, but I won’t go too far into it here; I have my 14x10 review for that).

You’re not truly alone, Dean. You have Sam and Jack.

And Cas is there for you. *hello two fish fixtures; Cas = Fish* (I lack a screengrab).

Cas will look for you, and he will find you, and he will fight for you, and he will support you, and he will take care of you, and he will freely make sacrifices for you, because you’re more than strong in his eyes.

Two cowboys. Two beers ((romantic) bonding connotations: Heart and Home). The HEART painting in a painting in a dream setting -- THE DREAM Dean wants, which lends him contentment. Full circle.

@coinofstone also points out the cavaleras Dean = Dog meta juxtaposed by Cas = Cat united within a domestic partnership, which absolutely gets me goin’! *serves cake*

Cas has your heart, Dean. And you have his.

Silent storytelling by Yockey/Wanek, ladies and gentlemen.

(13x06 and 14x10 skeleton painting screengrabs by @coinofstone; 14x10 by @ravenscat-tumbler)

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angelinconflict · 6 years ago

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SPN 14x12 Spoilers Ahead

I don’t usually come on here to voice my opinion or review an episode, mainly because I like to leave that to the experts -- you know who you are -- however, after reading the latest comments about the supposed “turning point” I wanted to make my opinion very clear on Destiel; I am still here for this eternal ship.

I am a positive Destiel blog and I always will be. The episode tonight was not disappointing. Not at all. In fact, for all of the scenes with Dean and Cas, my heart was in my mouth. I can see what’s there between them. I can see that Cas was angry enough to really give Dean shit this time for being an asshole who wasn’t even going to say goodbye. And as for the turning point, we did get one. Cas was more open with Dean than he has ever been (interrupted by Sam but still). There's a conversation coming guys, just be patient. And how do I know that?

Two words: Cas’ deal.

There’s a reason why Sam keeps interrupting these dumbasses; the conversation coming is BIG and yes, it’s being delayed, but it has to happen because Dean has to find out next about his angel’s heartbreaking deal. These two need to have it out. This is inevitable and it’s going to hurt bad so make sure to have your therapist on stand-by (or just someone you can share your pain with;) I for one have my sister on board).

If you’re wondering if everyone in the Destiel camp has given up, let me assure you that I haven’t. :) And may the many reviews expected to come raining down on this Destiel shipper are much anticipated.

I am hoping that I will be able to add my own very soon. Until then, love to you all and don’t give up. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. :)

#destiel #endgame destiel #CasDean #charlie-minion #tinkdw #mittensmorgul #spn spoilers

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tinkdw · 7 years ago

Note

You've mentioned a handful of times that Saileen and Destiel have a ton of parallels. Do you happen to have any links to posts that explain them? I know of a handful of parallels, mainly about their s12 arcs, but I'd love to see a full breakdown if you have one

They’re in my Saileen v Destiel tag :D

It’s also important to note that Shoshannah revealed that she was told to flirt, she was told to act it as a love interest. It was in the script.

I just have to caveat this as I’ve seen people try to nay-say Saileen in order to disprove the parallels with Destiel. Saileen was intentionally romantic.

Then they give us crap like this from the Nothing Else Matters video:

And all this:

Sam says he wants to punch something in the face because of Eileen. Dean wants to shoot Jack in the face because of Cas.

My episode 12x17 review where I go into detail on the parallels

https://tinkdw.tumblr.com/post/159656750328/so-sam-and-eileen-had-one-hug-in-one-episode-where

https://tinkdw.tumblr.com/post/159429322342/destiel-phone-calls-yes-again

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#saileen #saileen v destiel #spn 12x17 meta #Anonymous

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fan-fic-fan · 7 years ago

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Supernatural fan fiction review: Get the Words Out

Get the Words Out

relucant

Words: 3476

Summary

Cas had gotten control over his stutter -- more or less. It still came out when he was nervous, like giving a presentation in class. But, he reasoned, it wasn't exactly uncommon for anyone to trip over their words like that. And every time his presentations were met with the same polite boredom endemic to every college presentation, instead of the snickers and mimicry he was faced with growing up, his confidence grew bit by bit, and so did his control over his tongue.

Which was not to say he had forgotten the sting of the teasing, nor the humiliation every time he had to trudge into the speech therapy lab after school as the other kids chattered and scattered to the bus.

Review:

Aw! This college au starts with Cas and Dean already dating but gives us a look back at how that happened, despite Cas being a shy, nervous person, hyper-aware of the stutter always threatening to make him feel awkward.

And Dean, with the confident immunity born of spectacular good looks and not much to lose, was utterly, loudly comfortable with his bisexuality.

Dean never made him feel teased or uncomfortable, though. In fact, it’s Cas’ voice that does it for Dean.

Anyway, this ends with a hot explicit scene, but is mainly an adorable story of how these two finally moved from friends to more with the help/intervention of their friends. Ace fic by a solid contributor. Click on relucant for more great destiel fics.

#supernatural #fan fiction #destiel #archive of our own

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just-another-busy-fangirl · 7 years ago

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Double Take - Chapter 1, Castiel

Summary: Getting under his skin…When his research about male orgasms goes viral, sex therapist Castiel Novak needs a place to lie low. Substitute teaching on the Les Cheneaux Islands, Michigan promises not only privacy, but an opportunity to not think about sex. Which, thanks to the town’s too-tasty police chief, lasts exactly one second. After the dangerous streets of Chicago, Dean Winchester figured the islands were a safe, sane place to settle down. Getting hot for the new teacher wasn’t in the plan. Especially when he discovers that Castiel is more than he claims to be. Dean decides to pursue Castiel, stripping him of his defenses and revealing all of his secrets.

Double Take Masterlist

Written for the Destiel Harlequin Challenge 2017

word count: ~1900

The crowd of people screamed and sobbed outside the window of the bookstore, the group made up of mainly women in their thirties and forties. Castiel Novak sighed as he looked at the crowd, tired of the noise that constantly followed him since his last book.

How to Make Your Man Come: A Guide to the Male Orgasm

The title made the book sound fairly scientific and boring, but Castiel’s writing incorporated not only studies made about the male genitalia and orgasms, but also experience on what works and what doesn’t work when pleasing a man.

Most of Castiel’s research was done first-hand, which made it all the more scandalous.

He had to admit, he was shocked when his editor encouraged him to add more and more anecdotal evidence into his book, originally planning for it to be simple and straightforward. Once he saw the first reviews trickle in, however, he was happy Charlie had suggested it. Women and men alike were reading his book for help and guidance, and sales were through the roof.

That was when Charlie suggested a book tour, with a Q&A session and book signing at each stop. Castiel had no idea what he was getting himself into when he agreed, other than an extra paycheck every month.

A hearty round of the penis game, where women were daring to yell ‘penis!’ louder than the one before them, started up outside, distracting Castiel from his anti-anxiety routine he used before speaking in front of crowds. As he watched the women out the window, Charlie approached him.

“They’re crazy here, ain’t they?” she asked, smiling wide. “Maybe we can find some to come back and party with us, eh?”

Castiel pulled his eyes away from the crowd, looking at his red-headed editor. “You know that none of those women will interest me, Charlie,” he said, tone of his voice reminding her explicitly that he was not, in fact, interested in women in the least.

She smiled, unfazed at his tone. “More for me, then!”

Castiel rolled his eyes as she bounced away, heading for the manager of the bookstore to let them know it was about time to open the doors and start the event. Castiel moved behind his table, putting it between him and where the crowd would be seated. They had learned early on the tour that Castiel needed some sort of barrier between him and the crowds who came to see him, as a few outgoing patrons had attempted to kiss or otherwise grope him as they passed through for their hello’s and signatures.

That was definitely not in Castiel’s contract.

Without looking up, Castiel knew the moment they opened the doors to the bookstore. The overwhelming sounds of the crowd which had once been blocked somewhat by the glass of the windows was now loud and proud, moving into the building as the women found their seats.

Castiel kept his head down, halfway reading the informational brochures that he always had with him on tour and halfway listening to the conversations which were now happening in front of him. He heard whispers of “There he is!” and “Oh, isn’t he handsome” and “What I wouldn’t give to have him in my bedroom” throughout the room, and he rolled his eyes.

Just because he had discussed threesomes with two males and a female in his book (which he had done for the research, of course), didn’t mean that he actually wanted to be with women.

All of those threesomes had been concentrating on the men in the room, after all. Hadn’t they even read his book?

After a few minutes, Charlie and the manager of the bookstore stood in front of Castiel and his table, giving the normal welcome and thank you speeches. Castiel sat quietly through it all as they talked about the sale price on his books today, if people didn’t bring their own copies for him to sign, and the guidelines of the types of items that Castiel was willing to sign.

A groan fell through the room as the women realized that no, he would not be signing any body parts or undergarments, no matter how much they were willing to pay. Books and posters only, and anyone who asked otherwise would be escorted out with no signature at all.

Finally Charlie turned to him, motioning for him to stand as she introduced him. The roar of applause, catcalls, and cheering made Castiel blush no matter how many cities he’d been to, and he waved at the crowd bashfully.

He hated being the center of attention.

Charlie finally finished her speech with, “Mr. Novak will tell you a little bit about himself before taking questions from the crowd, so please be polite and raise your hand when he asks you. The floor’s all yours, Castiel!”

Cheering commenced again as Castiel nodded and took Charlie’s microphone, another thing that he would never get used to using, he was sure. He waited for a moment before the crowd was quiet, before he raised the mic to his mouth.

“Thank you all so much for being here today, as you are ones who make this book and tour possible,” Castiel said calmly, earning another round of applause. Do they realize they’re clapping for themselves? he mused, waiting for them to be quiet once again.

“Many of you have already read my bio on the book jacket, I’m sure, and if you haven’t then you can do so on your own time. My name is Castiel Novak, and I am currently the leading published author on the topic of male orgasms.”

More screams.

“As you know if you have read my book, I have been very open with the public on the topic of my sexuality. I am a gay man, and therefore find male orgasms to be quite…intriguing.”

Castiel’s speech was the same in every city, and Charlie often commented that his dry speech pattern made it all the more exciting to listen to. No matter how boring he tried to make himself sound, cheers from the crowd were inevitable and amusing.

“I know that many of you have come here with questions for me, and so I will not delay further. Please raise your hand if you have a question and I will answer if I feel comfortable. Please do not be offended if I do not wish to answer your question, as while much of my life is in black-and-white print, I still have some secrets.”

As usual, there was a twitter of conversation responding to the fact that Castiel has secrets, but at the same time about twenty hands went into the air, eager faces ready to delve into his life.

Questions were the usual ones: When did Castiel lose his virginity? Was it to a girl or a guy? What is the difference between topping and bottoming in a gay relationship? Was Castiel a top or bottom? (As usual, he didn’t answer that question, as he didn’t think it was any of their business what he preferred in the bedroom – that was for his partners to find out, and them only. Not that he’d had time lately for partners.)

What’s the quickest way to get a guy to orgasm? What are the tricks to putting off a man’s orgasm? Does vaginal sex or anal sex feel better for a guy? Should women let their guys have anal sex with them because it feels good?

Castiel answered the questions as scientifically as he could, not adding anecdotes into his answers. He found in the first city he went to that if he mentioned one thing about himself and his past experiences, that was all that the crowd wanted to talk about.

It was too intrusive for him.

After thirty minutes of questions, Charlie stood back up, saving Castiel from the Q&A portion.

“Hate to interrupt, beautiful people, but if we don’t stop questions now there won’t be enough time for all of you to get your signatures,” she said into Castiel’s mic, and she squeezed his arm in response to his sigh of relief.

The crowd began talking amongst themselves, grabbing their books and autograph tickets to be ready. Castiel set himself up at his table once more, getting his favorite pen ready and composing himself for another hour of smiling and nodding.

They had the system of autographs down to a science, Charlie standing between the table and the line as one person at a time was allowed to approach. Castiel had a security guard at his right shoulder, looking tough as the people came forward.

Many of the fans would thank him for his book, his research, sharing his life with them. They were mostly pleasant, with only a handful of them saying something raunchy or personal. Those fans got a short signature and curt smile, while others often got a “To Mary, From Castiel” type of note in their book.

Castiel’s hand cramped a couple times, and Charlie stopped the line so that he could have a water break. This city must have been a popular stop, because the autograph line was much longer than normal. Castiel found his mind wandering as he signed, thinking of all of the other things he could be doing, instead of signing autographs.

Was it really worth it for the paycheck he got? Unfortunately, the cost of the autograph tickets was split between the hosting bookstore, his publishing company, Charlie, and him, and he knew he got the smallest percentage of the whole thing.

Why was he even doing this? He should be starting his next book, or hell. He should be taking a break from all of this.

Castiel was so wrapped up in his negative thoughts that he barely realized that the line was finally done. Charlie was thanking the bookstore manager, shaking his hand and assuring him that their publishing house would be coming back with another author as soon as possible, thanks to their wonderful hospitality.

Castiel watched as she spoke, mind whirring. He had no interest in doing this ever again. He was done. No more questions, no more autographs, no more plane rides to horrible cities.

Charlie turned to him, smiling until she saw the look on his face. “What’s up, Castiel?” she asked, voice trying hard cheer him up.

“Charlie, thank you for everything you’ve done. I can’t say that I’ve enjoyed it, but you’ve been very pleasant and helpful every step of the way,” Castiel said, giving her a small smile before finishing his thought. “I quit.”

Charlie stood there, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, as she computed what Castiel had said to her. He turned, gathering his favorite pen and water bottle, the only things he ever had at these tour stops, and headed out the back door, a security guard opening it for him. He didn’t wait for Charlie as he told the driver of his car to head back to his hotel, wanting to get in and out before she could talk him out of leaving.

Not that she could, anyway. No, Castiel was on a mission. A mission to live a little for himself for the first time in a long time.

And he had the perfect place to go, away from all the world that knew him.

Chapter 2 - Dean

#double take #destiel harlequin challenge #destiel

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