#this post was also in my draft since may
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chef with a silver earring
#close friends on the tweeter saw it first#but some nice ppl on the bear tw also liked it so i'm posting it here bc my tw account is going back to private !!#this has been in the drafts since nov 2023 bc im too much of a perfectionist and felt like this was not fully realized. never good enough#it sounds like ive been working on it for a full year but its not the case at all. altogether this was prob 1 week worth of work#but this year was tuff and i abandoned digital art a little bit and didn't work on it at all hsdsafjsdjas#but im setting it free now in hopes so that new art may come. hope some of you out there like it!#also hope in 2025 i can go back to doing a lil more stuff in a more disciplined manner lol#sydney adamu#ayo edebiri#the bear#the bear fx#the bear fanart#my art
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i need everyone to understand bruces actions are always going to stem from his neverending guilt complex and unwavering love for people AND his dedication to be the most annoying cunt in any room
#this has been in my drafts since may but. yeah <33#like this is the most crucial characterization for bruce#hes in love with everyone. he is obnoxious and bitchy. this can and SHOULD coexist#posts from the crypt#bruce wayne#batman#EDIT: hey ppl reblogging this theres also an addition of the 2nd most crucial characterization is him being a girldad lol
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Wow. That could not have turned out worse.
Part 23 || First || Previous || Next
--Full Series--
This comic will be on Holiday Hiatus this December and January! While on a cliffhanger? What a scam! >:/
#Chara finally realizes something is wrong....very wrong#And you get to see little Chara for all of 2 drawings. wow. You guys are so spoiled uwu#Asriel and Chara bbfs#finally out of that darn tootin' Darkworld! WE'VE BEEN THERE FOR 2 YEARS!!!#LORE TIME LORE TIME. I know Chara is very vague about it but player-human relationships are very personal.#it can be hard to talk about them if you've been possessed yourself. especially with some stigmas around it#chara just wanted a glass of water. why you gotta do this to em#I am so so so happy to get here#the full excitement has faded since I first thought up this scene but It's still one hell of an accomplishment#YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA how many times I reworked this and how many rough drafts I've thrown out the window because of it.#tbh. I may post the 10+ rough pages that will never see the light of day#Im glad I didnt go through with that scrapped plot bc It was too many unneeded pages. I've learned to start condensing in a better way#I am also planning on showing off my Patreon soon :) so I'll be posting complete scrapped story lines over there#deltarune chara timeline#deltarune#utdr#deltarune chara timeline comic#art#my art#bread#chara#asriel#saloon darkworld#darkworld#deltarune au#college chara#college asriel
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Going to do a Nevermoor series reread in June + July + August ? if anyone else also wants to do a reread around that time, could be fun to have more of the fandom prepping for Silverborn
Did initially make a roadmap plan to split the books up into weeks on top of already being months, so that people could focus on specific parts and discuss each week….. but between the fact that I messed it up the first time, Silverborn kept getting delayed as I planned it, and I’m actually really bad at keeping to stuff like that (looking at you, Silverborn Countdown Challenge…) I’m deciding to just go for it at whatever pace happens.
#will def be June/July but we’ll have to see if I get into August. may want to keep most of that + September as Silverborn Hype Months lol#nevermoor#silverborn#if you ever followed my rereads thoughts masterpost for my (reread?) eternal reread and wondered ‘why no hollowpox’? boy is it a doozy#beginning of the year Apple Books updated and I’m not huge on it!#and since I couldn't fix I decided I would try and delete and reinstall the app.....#…..forgetting that my books and notes are tied to the app and not saved otherwise…..#so I lost all my notes INCLUDING all my reactions and thoughts from my very first reread that I was excited to look back on and share 🥲😭😭😭#so I’ve just been in mourning and never continued out of my personal beef with the app….#so this time I think I’ll take use of all my different physical copies and read them physically to give myself a break from screens lol#this summer is just grindset time of getting back into drawing and trying to get good so this reread I also want to draw stuff alongside#like try to nail some character designs and such to make it easier for Silverborn lol#I fear I will need to figure out how to draw dragons……#anyways. if you’ve read all these tags you are now required to join in on the reread with me 🫵#this also reminds me I need to keep working / actually work on the nine spreadsheet / masterpost. will do that ✍️#I have had several drafts saved of posts I want to respond to with theories that I’ve been saving for my hollowpox reread that now I’m like#do I just save them for Silverborn?? lol
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A question to any of my mutuals who haven't also read it yet: Would any of you guys be interested in reading Therapy Game (plus the sequel/previous manga(s) related to it)?
Feel free to leave your answer in the post comments~💕
#{|ooc post|}#almost made this a poll for the hell of it lmao--#but~... brain is too empty rn to come up with fun options for the buttons X'D#and while i'm just chilling here-- staring at my drafts with zero thoughts happening for them--#thought i may as well hit the dash with this because i'm curious lol#(may also reblog this a time or two later in the day-- since i am posting it a lil early)
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Is Kesten a kinda stick-in-the-mud who probably works way too much? Yeah. Did I like him from the very first moment he was introduced? Yeah...
The (newly!) Baroness, Kesten Garess / Pathfinder Kingmaker (c) Owlcat Games
#pathfinder kingmaker fanart#pfkm#pfkm baroness#kesten garess#comic#owlcat games#pathfinder kingmaker#oc ailcha#kesten#what can I say. I have a soft spot for men who take duty way too seriously.#and I have come to understand that my baroness is a hugger. I am not. I do not know where this came from.#but three comic sketches with her hugging someone kinda gave it away.#also this damn page. after finishing (the first draft) I woke several times in the night with 'important insight' on what needed editing -#('I need to move that detail two steps to the right' or 'that line needs to be darker')#- and it just wouldn't stop. first draft is from may and since then I've just postponed posting because 'hmm. something... is off...'#it's interesting how the process can differ each time even if you stick with the same routine. but like. please. please let's just post it.#I am really feeling that joke about how you name your 'finished' files. this one is called x_pfk_kesten4copy3.png
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Touch
Some Vetvimes for y'all~
Discworld © Terry Pratchett / art © Murderous-Coffeebean (tumblr & dA)
#vetvimes#discworld#havelock vetinari#lord vetinari#sam vimes#vimes#art#fan art#discworld fanart#my art#my posts#digital art#Touch#2024#22.5.2024#i haven't drawn much recently (sad sigh) and the whole ghost merch shirt sitch has had me unwilling to post much art ever since#but the discworld fandom is alright so i guess i'll make an exception#anyway thanks magpiesketchins if you see this i love your discworld comic and it actually inspired me to draw sth for these idiots (affecti#*(affectionate) again#also lol idk abt the anatomy here and like. vetinari's hand. but after years of stressing abt art i post i can finally shrug and move on. y#anyway the second one could be sad if you wanna but i think it's more vimes being followed by his thoughts or memories or sth#also this vetinari isn't 100% how i want him to look like yet but this vimes? that's my vimes design. this one i am 100% happy with#edit: nearly forgot this in my drafts woops#anyway#happy glorious 25th of may#unfortunately i haven't had time to make sth like last year so i hope this suffices#it's not my fave piece ever but i'm v happy with vimes so whatever
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OKAY, IT'S FINALLY HITTING
(will you guys hate me if I post this longfic a month later than planned?)
#i'm tired of working on a long project i can't start publishing yet!#i've been working on this thing since mid july i think?#early august at the very latest#so i THINK i'm going to take october off and mainly work on my little oneshots for a bit!#it'll push all the plans back by a month but i think it'll be worth it#bc i can't write good content when i'm not having fun with it#(also i think i'm literally the only person who cares about this thing staying on schedule so as long as /I/ say it's fine to push it)#(then it's fine right?)#the amazing news tho is that this is a HUGE stretch of daily writing progress for me#and i am still actively enamored with writing fic#just need a break from writing fic i can't share because the external validation is an important part of the process!#anyway i also think after this big project#i might have a better handle on longform stuff#so it MAY not be so much an issue next time if i figure out how to outline better#so i don't have to rely on finishing the entire fic's rough draft before posting the first chapter
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in which my vampire ocs meet the past versions of themselves
#low stakes 🦇#my comics#i've got some serious comics too but they are way harder to post hahah#so anyway - details.#bat didn't change much. i gave him battier ears because i learned what bats looked like#morten also didn't change too much. but i sure drew them with a ton of hair. and it was more blackish/purplish/blueish than simply Blue#rune was literally my in-game born sim that i adopted as an oc#then i traumatized him :)#as for einarr..... well you see#in 2017 he was literally just a prototype. barely even a character yet#a quick draft for who the heck could possibly be bat's sire since i gave mort a sire (bat). the original idea was that he died#and then i didn't get back to him for Months#when i got better ideas for him <3#so yeah#i may reblog this with drawings from the time#i tried my best replicating my old art style that had clearly changed very slowly and gradually since then :]#it was very strange#this is seven years of difference
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some podcasts I like
in no particular order, to show some appreciation for the hours i spent listening
Black Box Down - about aviation disasters. I like that they really go into details on the cases, going through the reports, talking about the mechanical workings of the planes, as well as the procedures, rules, and how an incident influenced them, but they do it in a way that's understandable even to an average person.
Swindled - about corporate greed, con artists and white collar crime. Told from a perspective of a concerned citizen that's fed up with this bullshit. I'll be honest, sometimes listening to it makes me really mad at the world we have to live in.
Revisionist History - about the overlooked and the misunderstood. Each episode is a fascinating journey into a topic i might not have otherwise thought about. I love listening to it while on a walk, it makes me feel like its really worth being aware of the world that surrounds me.
Sawbones - about medical history. the first mcelroy podcast i ever listened to :p i often very much appreciate the lighter tone while still learning stuff
You're Wrong About - about correcting misconceptions. I'll be honest, as a non-american sometimes it's strange to hear them talking about something i've never heard about like it's the most common thing in the world, but it's still fun to learn.
Well There's Your Problem - about engineering disasters (with slides). Very funy, very interesting, and who doesn't love a good bridge collapse.
#this been in my drafts for months but since i already posted the anime ost list i decided why not this one also#i was waiting for the energy to list more but that may honestly never come#so ig i could just do a part 2 someday#kostek original#podcasts#well there's your problem#sawbones#you're wrong about#revisionist history#black box down#swindled#kostek reviews
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[NC_RES]-31102049-EUR-GER scharfenberg_g_portraits_024_2_HW_TGA.file ///core:_ryder_von_scharfenberg.file\\\
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⚠️ READ: Please do not repost/reupload any of my art here or to any other platform, or I will be forced to do anything to get it annihilated.
That first pic of him. After I took it, and started post processing and looked at it again, tbh? — I had some little tears forming in my eyes because he can look so damn pretty I cannot find a word to describe it.
It's just me thinking about his past; he changed so much to be content with his body and himself. To people who do not know his background and total strangers he may look like a simple 'goth guy' and I bet even people would think "Why all this cyberware in the face?" (if you have seen past years Ry you know he was a pretty boy back then as well without all that 'dark' stuff). -> here & here.
The sheer beauty this man radiates is simply indescribable for me. Someties I just sit there looking at pics I did telling myself 'I ceated him (and the others). This is not done by some other developer. This came from me and my imagination." I loved to be fan of 'official characters (I still do) but having my own — idk it is just so amazing I can say these are mine, that Ryder is my little pixel boy. ;_;
#cyberpunk 2077#masc v#male v#male v monday#oc: ryder von scharfenberg#cyberpunk photomode#virtual photography#cyberpunk oc#daily gaming#Ryder mein Schnittchen <3#Everytime I think I have nothing new to post (bc new shit still needs some final addition aka my signature) I go into my drafts#and there sits a post waiting since months :)#this is also one of them#I just found out I can make text smaller now – okay? xD what - I may used that from now on lol#lols holt euch ne Lupe
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literally it's 3am where i live and i'm on mobile but FUCK IT i haven't posted any actual writing in like a YEAR on this blog whose description include the words "I WRITE" and i can't tell if i'm even going anywhere with this so fuck it under the cut is the prospective absolute mess of the first chapter of the flipo family time loop fic. (for clarity, flipo family as in slime, mariana, and juanaflippa) this covers loop 0, aka the relevant parts of canon. words: 1630
parts of it i popped off with and other parts i hate; up to you to identify them. also the italics and other formatting got erased when i copy pasted and i'm re-adding all of it by hand so if i missed a spot, no i didn't. if i missed an accent on a letter in spanish that was a typo, if i missed a ¡ or ¿ that may have been on purpose.
oh and for obvious reasons, content warning for mentions and mild descriptions of child death and child murder. no blood, and most of it is a three word mention; i'd say the brief paragraph beginning "Tilín didn't scream" is most of the reason this warning exists.
Charlie Slimecicle stepped off the train.
He’d been hoping for a bright, sunny day to start their vacation, but was sorely disappointed. The portal had apparently taken them pretty far, since they’d gone from noon to night time. Talk about jetlag. They hadn’t even been on a plane.
“What happened to the other guys?” he wondered aloud as he stepped onto the platform.
“Yeah no clue,” Phil said, scanning the empty station. “Thought they’d meet us here.”
“Guys!” one of the Spanish speakers--Vegetta, he’d said, when they’d all met up at the first station--called, from a lectern at the wall. “There is a book!”
They crowded around as he read the instructions aloud--something about pressure plates, Slime wasn’t paying that close of attention. He was a little more preoccupied with making sure it only felt like his brain was dripping out of his ears. That would be kind of embarrassing.
Which was not to say that he wasn’t enjoying the constant onslaught of people talking over each other using words he may or may not understand. In fact, it was the opposite; he was frankly thriving in the absolute chaos that kicked back up around him as a timer appeared in the wrist communicators they’d been provided along with their tickets.
“Como se dice ‘we are going to die now’?” He giggled, chasing Phil and Fit to one end of the station.
“¡Vamos a morir!” shouted Spiderman, echoed seconds later by the black bear in the collared shirt.
Giddy over the high of attempting to use his high school foreign language for the first time maybe ever, Slime absolutely didn’t contribute much to solving the puzzle, and before long the sound of the timer ticking down was accompanied by a loud buzzing alarm.
“It’s been an honor!” he shrieked at the top of his lungs. “It’s been an honor!”
The bear ran past them again, shouting, “I’m going to die!” in English this time.
“Adiós amigos!” Slime yelled.
The countdown ended.
And then his communicator buzzed, and there was a video playing on the screen, showing a cartoonish yellow duck in front of a blurry beach stock photo. He skimmed it absently--some generic welcoming message and another side quest for them--distracted by Maximus audibly losing his shit laughing across the station.
“Come on, I’m trying to take a vacation, I gotta work now?” Fit complained. “This is ridiculous.”
Slime wanted to jump on that bit, but the message cut off with coordinates marred by static and the noise of the emergency weather alert system and he lost his train of thought completely.
“I got the English book!” Spreen called, holding it with two fingers like it had personally offended him.
“English leader,” Vegetta said, seeming to find that amusing.
“English leader.” Spreen laughed and flicked the book away. Slime stepped back but somehow it still nailed him in the chest.
“Guess I’m reading then,” he said cheerfully.
“In Spanish?” Maximus said.
“Um.”
Vegetta called something, backing across the plaza with the book open in his hands. Phil backed up to the wall.
“Here,” Phil instructed, “we’ll read it here.”
“Okay okay.” He flicked it open. “So we have to get water wheel planks--”
Their peace lasted a grand total of thirty seconds as voices suddenly began shouting, overlapping in chaotic chorus.
“What is that?” Fit demanded.
“Is that coming from the other side?” Phil stared up at the top of the wall.
“This is the thinnest thick wall I’ve ever seen,” Slime said, giddy laughter bubbling out of him again. “Is this thing made out of pencil shavings? If I sneeze on it, is there gonna be a hole?”
“Nevermind, we’ll read it over here.” Phil dragged them away again, but the Spanish speakers were dispersing into the trees.
“Forget the book,” Fit said, “follow them!”
(In the end it was explosives that took the wall down, which in hindsight was a precursor to how a not insignificant portion of time on the island was spent. The first day, however, it was just funny, much like everything else.)
(That was to say, the first first day.)
The communicator had indicated that today there was something special planned, so he made an extra effort to wake up.
“Morning Jaiden!” he called to his upstairs neighbor.
“Hi Charlie!” He could hear her farming through the wall. “Glad you woke up on time!”
“Well you know, you know, El Backflipo couldn’t miss it,” he joked, sifting through his backpack. “Got any spare food? I’ll trade you uno backflipo.”
“I have so much toast, come here and get some, free of charge.”
With a quick backflip and some toast to start the day, he popped open the map.
“There’s a lot of people down the wall,” he noted, their green dots so clustered they formed one. “Wanna check it out?”
“Yeah sure.” Jaiden tossed some seeds into a chest. “Do you know what this event’s gonna be?”
“I have no idea,” he admitted cheerfully.
She laughed. “Yeah, me neither. I guess there’s an egg involved, but that’s all I know.”
He dug around in his backpack for a paraglider, nodding along. “Yeah, yeah, un huevo, I get you.” Shuffling the landmine from Vegetta to one side, he yanked out his glider and threw himself out her window. “Let’s go!”
(nothing like getting struck by lightning to wake a guy up in the morning)
Slime fiddled with the communicator as he waited for the line of people to get through the ticket machine; he already had his own, a nice B for Backflipo. The new live translations still boggled his mind. He had to fight the urge to chant weird shit under his breath, just to see what the bubbles would say.
He paid a little extra attention when Mariana walked up to the machine. That guy seemed cool. They’d done that pequeño dormir together on day one, and he had a good sense of humor. Egg parenting would probably be funny.
He was thrilled to see the B for Backflipo on the ticket Mariana stepped away with, even if Mariana was decidedly less so. This was gonna be good.
(it was, and it wasn’t)
So, Mariana wasn’t exactly the coparent of dreams. Then again, Slime was pretty sure Mariana could say the same about him. In fact he was pretty sure Mariana had said the same, but in Spanish, when he wasn’t checking the translation.
It was great. They thought they’d killed a child immediately and then decided to fake their own child’s death to get away with it, and then confessed their sins to a bilingual angel and built a farm and then he buried himself beneath an improvised cross and went into a coma until his sins were forgiven, or something, except his sins weren’t forgiven in time to save his own child’s life.
And then Juanaflippa was dead. Dead at Mariana’s hand.
His bitch wife killed their daughter.
(Everything went faster, after that.)
Slime wanted to kill him.
Slime wanted to kill him for killing their fucking daughter, but of course, Mariana couldn’t even be bothered to be around to take care of her alive, never mind to pay for his crimes when she died by his hand!
(in a better world, his rage started and ended there. in a better world, the anger fizzled out with the lack of a target.
this was not that world)
There couldn’t be an Egg Event with no eggs.
If he killed them all, it would bring her back.
(in a worse world, he succeeded. in a worse world, the Egg Event ended there.
this was not that world)
They held a trial.
If he won, it would bring her back.
(in another world, he didn’t convince them. in another world, they left his daughter in Hell.
this was not that world)
Tilín was still before she hit the ground.
Tilín didn’t scream. Maybe they didn’t have time. It happened so fast. He was sure it happened fast. Almost too fast. But everything went so fast, now, even though Flippa was back. Yet, time slowed down for this, like a rubberneck driving past a highway accident, watching him desperately trying to shock their heart back into motion.
“YOU KILL MY BEST FRIENDS,” Flippa wrote. He begged her to understand. She wrote, “i can’t believe it.”
She wrote, “I HATE YOU.”
(in a better world, the error would have been caught in April instead of July.
this was not that world)
His daughter fell to his bitch wife’s sword. The same way. The next day.
They’d only just gotten her back. And Mariana killed her again.
He only left eggxile for the funeral. She wouldn’t stay dead, but he had to be there.
Time went even faster after that. He was Gegg, or maybe Gegg was him, or maybe Gegg was Gegg, or maybe. . . ?
He went back to eggxile.
He wasn’t leaving without them. Tilín. Juanaflippa. He would do whatever was necessary. He would pray to any higher power. Lil J still owed him a goddamn favor, but the guy wouldn’t pick up his calls. Maybe if he put more shit in the shrine; angels liked shiny shit, didn’t they? He went back to the mine, where the gasses swirled in his head. He built the shrine. He mined. He built the shrine.
He went back to the mine.
He went back to the mine.
He went back to the mine.
“This is where I sit, this is where my bitch wife sits, and this is where my daughter sits, if I had one!”
He’d said that before. No he hadn’t. Yes he had.
No, he just needed to clear his head.
Charlie Slimecicle went back to the mine.
Charlie Slimecicle stepped off the train.
#qsmp#qsmp fanfiction#qsmp slimecicle#qsmp juanaflippa#won't tag his partner since he didn't get to star much in this part#this idea is at its core a flipo FAMILY fic though it starts out with slime#just. the problem is getting to that point. bc beyond these words i have like 500 more lmao#for anyone curious for directors commentary in the tags:#pequeño dormir' is on purpose; i figured that would be a mistake slime would make at day 14 on the island#i also omitted the ¿ and ¡ from slime's spanish dialogue for the same reason; it's as close to an actual accent as i can get in text#(accent as in accented speech not accented letter; speaking spanish with an american accent)#slime's quote at the end about where people sit is taken verbatim from one of his streams#at time of posting it is available on his vods channel titled 'we won the war. (qsmp)'#a lot of the day 1 dialogue and flippa's dialogue from tilín's death is also verbatim#oh and the sequence from the 'we won the war' vod carries a lot of weight in the idea (wasn't the spark but it filled some gaps)#for me the cave gases are what drives every loop; time rolls back whenever slime inhales too much gas and 'forgets'#i don't have exact mechanics about it but suffice it to say if ANYONE were to spend too much time in this random ass cave#they would also loop back in time; slime's just the one who in this timeline Happened to discover it#shut up vic#block game brainrot#yea idk i just liked some of the dialogue tbh i think this gets super messy after they get flippa and then brings it back around at the mine#it's got some messy pacing in that middle bit but the foundation of a time loop story is its loop 0#that's what every loop after it has to call back to; that's the beauty of a time loop story#how is this different from loop 0; how is it the same#we've come so far only to get nowhere at all yknow#i'm a fan of stories rhyming but ESPECIALLY time loops so this is the setup for a lot of that#dude i gotta send this i've been sitting on parts of this draft for a year#may someone besides me read these words 🙏 thank you and goodnight#if people say nice things maybe i'll finally wring more words out of my brain. idk.#long tags
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i think the only thing that would make the xarrastarion harper ending au work is acknowledging they’re not Good harpers. they’re actively bad harpers. like i don’t think they would Stop extorting people (explicitly against the harper code) and would not go all that far out of their way to help anyone without expecting compensation (again. against harper code) and are like, not really That concerned with the consequences of their actions usually. but Also they’re both personally invested in like, freedom and ending slavery and tyranny to some extent, and are definitely very good at the sort of manipulation that makes up most of harper work. and like the idea of them as absolutely piss poor harpers Morally but extremely effective when it comes to Getting Things Done is so so so silly. they’re like jaheira’s problem children. they’re wandering up and down the sword coast breaking most of the harper rules and flashing their little harper pins like get out of jail free cards but they’re also absolutely able to dismantle entire slaver operations in a day and a half. they’re just also claiming at least half of the loot for themselves instead of redistributing it
#i think jaheira would love it. honestly. she prefers awful half feral creatures to her own children so she would support their bullshit 100%#it’s just like. the harpers are more or less Good Aligned. and ur simply not gonna catch xarrastarion being Good#xar is solidly chaotic neutral and that’s the Best ur going to get from them. and astarion? god.#that guy may be able to pull off a neutral alignment. but he certainly isn’t going to be Good.#but even with that like. i think xar could be persuaded to Be A Harper by jaheira and i think astarion is whipped enough to go along with it#i think they’re kind of doing the same thing either way wrt to like#taking out the remaining banite enclaves on the coast and in mulmaster#IDK!#I STILL DONT KNOW IF ITS CANON but if it’s not they rly are just vibing for the next 50+ years#which is also sick. but i think having a job would be good for astarion LOL#it would make for a nice way to demonstrate like#the shift from xarrai (and u could argue astarion) working within oppressive systems to try to affect personal change#to working Outside these systems to dismantle them instead#since the harpers are like. their own group w/o hierarchy or organization and those things were once Very Important to both of these guys#they’re no longer bound to the system or by a sense of hierarchy or power they’re only bound by What They Want To Do#漫言#oc. xarrai#r. hold me like a knife#i found this post in my drafts and it’s still real as fuck honestly
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"And where it hath pleased [God] to take out this transitory life the most victorious Christian prince of famous memory King Edward the iiijth our king, loving lord, and father, whose soul God of his infinite mercy pardon. The lamentable and most sorrowful tidings thereof was shown unto [us] the xiiijth day of this present month. [...] We intend...to be at our city of London in all convenient haste to be crowned at Westminster."
-Letter by EDWARD V from Ludlow to the burgesses of King's Lynn upon the news of his father Edward IV's death (16th April 1483)
#a follow-up on my post of Edward IV's cocidicils since I had mentioned this letter + Edward V's wish for an immediate coronation in the tag#I'm not sure if the letter was written/drafted by him or his uncle Anthony or someone else but either way it's interesting!#15th century#Edward V#princes in the tower#edward iv#(sort of)#my post#also something I didn't point out in my previous post re the codicils was that#it's also entirely possible that Edward IV didn't specify anything in his last will for the government he wanted during his son's reign#He may have left it to his son/queen/brother/councilors to decide#which may explain why there were two different ideas#of course this is merely my own speculation and conjecture - and ultimately like I said it didn't actually matter#what does matter is that there was a great deal of Ricardian propaganda against Elizabeth Woodville and her family during that time#and that should be emphasized far more than it has been till date
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ugly maths.
i hate maths, right. i don't usually like numbers, and if i do like numbers it's gotta be an 8 or a 48 and nothing else.
thing is, i've recently caught myself doing maths again. ugly maths. the kind of maths that, really, i've been trying to avoid as much as possible because, well, it's ugly!
you... wanna see?
okay, fine... but don't say i didn't warn you!
ugly, see? look at all those numbers! not a 48 in sight!
huh? what's that? you don't see what i'm on about? oh... oh! hang on, lemme just—
better? yes? no? no? okay, what if i—
mmh, yes. ugly numbers. see it now? can you see why they're ugly?
here, i can make it worse.
these numbers are ugly. the maths they make me do is ugly.
now i'll level with you: the worst ones by far are the yellow numbers. the maths they make me do it the ugliest.
why ugly?
because it makes me ugly.
those numbers turn me into not only a suddenly number-obsessed fool, but a fool who also cannot understand these numbers and what they mean and why i feel like they reflect on me and my ability.
87, 75.
the thoughts are as follows:
• the orange numbers are big, so why are you being ugly about the yellow ones? you should be happy with what you have. so many nice big numbers! not everyone receives that.
• is it that there are two different audiences for these two different fics? perhaps. they are quite different works, with different appeals, and different themes. maybe you are reading too much into it.
• why are you obsessing over numbers anyway? you don't like maths! you left maths behind when you were 16, put it down!
okay, okay, fine! i'll put the maths down. right here, in fact!:
that 87 was an 83 at the start of the year. the 6161 it is attached to was a 5453.
4, 708.
ugly maths.
the 75 is a nice number. in fact, compared to 87, it is beautiful, radiant, enchanting. at the start of the year, 75 was 48. wow. now that is one sexy number!
27.
mmmm.
6161, 1061.
5100.
87, 75.
12.
mmmm.
you know, my most favourite comment left recently on a fic of mine was 2 characters long: :(
it made me :)
well, actually, it made me >:) because it was left in response, presumably, to one of the key scenes in a new chapter which left the exact impression on someone that i hoped it would.
they must be the only one who reacted like that, though.
1.
have i mentioned that that 87 and 75 include author responses?
i won't try to do more maths, there. it might not end well for me. the maths is making me tired enough as it is, and i have an early start tomorrow.
oh! but, that being said, i have another set of ugly numbers to show you, so keep 87 and 75 in mind.
ready?
838, 245.
(want a hint? the green numbers!)
838, 87. 245, 75.
9.6, 3.3.
ugly maths. it's ugly again, see? i don't like it. i'm seeing numbers within numbers within numbers, and i can't seem to stop!
the numbers make me ask new questions:
• why is it not good enough?
• people seem to engage more with one fic over the other, so shouldn't you prioritise?
• is all this maths this really good for you?
no, it isn't.
i want to avoid ugly maths. ugly maths makes me want to tear my hair out. it makes me want to start from scratch. it makes me want to grab someone and scream. it makes me want to cry and press a button that has tempted me many times before when the numbers become too ugly to bear.
ugly maths turn me into an ugly person.
ugly maths make me obsessive, paranoid, anxious, regretful, vindictive, spiteful, alone.
i hate maths. i hate numbers, just like, it feels, the numbers hate me.
#helia rants#cw vent#i'm okay but i'm not#this has been playing on my mind over the last couple of weeks#it's aimed at the sky rather than anyone here#i know i'm not the best myself as commenting. i justify it to myself by affirming i don't read much. which i don't.#since the start of the year i have tried to comment on everything i have read#bearing in mind i may also dm someone rather than comment because i want to scream and ramble about their fic more personally#that being said. i know i'm not the only one who finds themselves doing ugly maths#and in turn starting to feel uglier too#i don't like looking at the numbers#i was doing well at the start of the year#but as i open my drafts and look to a new chapter and at the notes i wrote#i can't stop myself from opening the fic. from seeing where it's at. from seeing if it's changed. from checking my inbox to see if...#if only...#what it's meant is that i've come to a point where a fic i loved has become exactly that: a fic i loved. past tense#the other fic is still a fic i love. but i know deep down that that is tied to the numbers too#i hate that this is what i've become#because i have tiny fics. fics with 50 hits and maybe 1 comment. and i love them. i still love them#but when it comes to the big ones. the multi-chapters. the hefty fics. after a point all i see are numbers#and those numbers have come to determine both my happiness and fulfilment as a writer#and so i am ugly. i am sad. i am pathetic.#and i don't know how to stop.#helia's stuff#this was meant to save back into my drafts. i was editing tags. tumblr decided it should post. so... so be it.#also this is not an attention thing if anyone dares go 'oh but you're a good writer uwu' i might do something we'll all regret#this is also not a 'ffs comment on my fics will you 😒' hell no#it's just about me. and my issue. and my unhealthy relationship with these fucking numbers.#gotta get this shit out of my head somehow :)
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I’m sure the Tumblr p/rnbot following surge fucked up the count, but thank ya’ll for 300+(???) followers! The number hasn’t changed for a bit after my purging, so I’ll count it, lol
#not armada related#uhhh i got some p101 polls in my drafts so those will be fun#i need to finish my bonnie anne drawing but my plush is taking awhile#so expect her to be posted soon! (hopefully?) life fucking Sucks for me right now#but on the bright side im close to the kane battle on my musket#i may play p101 again as a witchdoctor since ive always wanted to do that class#also to my wizard101 followers: tysm!!! i May make some Wiz art in the future but it's very rare from me
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