#this post was already quite long lol

[poedays]

Do you relate to Asher Talbot because he’s the upbeat sunshine of the group, or do you lack the ability to differentiate your happy public persona from who you are when you’re alone? Do you believe that you’re not allowed to have sad moments because you’re supposed to be happy all the time? Does the thought of outwardly expressing your discomforts to your friends frighten you, as the mere thought of serious vulnerability means that for a moment you won’t bring joy to those around you?

Do you relate to Milo Greer because he’s snarky and sarcastic, or do you have to give people a reason to take you seriously because they brush you to the side due to what you look like? Are you judged unfairly due to circumstances you cannot control? Do you wish that for once everyone would know who you are, and why you, as an individual, are important? Do you wish people would see you?

Do you relate to David Shaw because you’re the leader of your group, or did you have maturity pushed on you from a young age? Were the expectations of you too much for someone so young, that trying to exceed these expectations stopped you from living your childhood as you should’ve? Can you see yourself as something other than ‘the leader’, ‘the responsible one’, ‘the logic’? Is your self-worth wrongfully defined by what you can offer to others? Because your need to succeed and gain validation was what drove your learning years, so how could you think of yourself in any other lens?

[soothifying-sounds-asmr]

I was accepted to a paid video editing internship and a lot of the work is very reminiscent of what I used to do here. It makes me so happy to know that my silly little Tumblr blog gave me good practice :3 I hope everyone is doing well <3 Tell me what you're going to be for Halloween!

[ferberus-skull]

TUNDRA TIME!!!!

[addicted-to-the-knife]

thanks to @t3acupz's encouragement (and our overall conversations), I'm sharing my own thoughts on when I think Will "falls in love" (in quotes because it's not really about the process of it, but recognising what his feelings are and accepting them) with Hannibal in the show.

I very much agree with Hugh Dancy when he says it'd take Will a long time (like his joking way of saying "7 seasons"). not because those feelings aren't there yet, but because he has issues recognising and accepting them.

in the second half of season 2, those romantic feelings were already starting to bloom, I don't doubt that. I just think that Will couldn't quite place, let alone accept, them. he said to Peter that he wishes he could know what to feel toward Hannibal like Peter did toward his abuser. because then it'd be easier to kill him. that's where his romantic feelings already made themselves known, but he couldn't even place them. I think that he was convinced that it was due to Hannibal having been his only friend that truly just saw him, only to be betrayed by said friend. that's what complicated it. but this feeling of having been seen and accepted for who he was lingered and he couldn't make himself hate Hannibal entirely.

and then the whole honeytrap plot happened and Will's romantic feelings manifested throughout. again, without his exact knowledge. to me, Will realised that he sees and accepts Hannibal (mostly) at that point as well, which is why he had a hard time deciding which part of the plan to follow through with (running away with or killing Hannibal). the blooming romantic feelings obviously pushed him into the direction that the s2 finale went, but none of that was completely conscious. Will wasn't fully "aware" of what he was doing when he was doing it and especially not why. I also agree with Hugh in that regard, when he was asked about his thoughts on the "you were supposed to leave" moment and how he approached it. he said he and Bryan had talked a lot about all of this beforehand, but then he just went and did it without really thinking more about it. and I think that's very much true for how it happened for Will anyway. he called Hannibal in a split decision, not even knowing what he was going to tell him until he heard his voice. and then he went to Hannibal's home, saw Alana, knew Jack was in there because she told him, and only then drew his gun, which he lowered once he came across Abigail and then Hannibal. he never once resisted Hannibal in any of this. he was prepared to fight and even die for him at that moment. but none of that was a conscious decision he made beforehand. all of that were decisions he made in the moment because they felt right and he didn't think about any of it. all of it was pure instinct, in a way. and yes, that instinct was fuelled by his growing feelings toward Hannibal; but Will was not fully aware of that fact, in my opinion.

and then in season 3a, he wants to find out where Hannibal came from, why he is the way he is, who he truly is, deep down, and fully understand him before meeting him again. and when he does, I believe he's still unsure of his own feelings. he probably thought that if he did all of that, he'd finally know what his own feelings toward Hannibal truly are, but found that he didn't. not really. he admitted to Chiyoh that he never knew himself better than when he's with Hannibal and I believe that 100%. but I also believe that there's always been that (arguably) small part that was still uncertain, that was clouded and that he just couldn't put a finger on. especially when he was alone. when he was with Hannibal, Will had him to focus on and with his empathy disorder, he could rely on that to guide him during the time he was with Hannibal. but not when he was alone and continued to be confused about himself and everything else. I imagine that he was overwhelmed by those feelings, because at the end of the day, they're incredibly complicated and shrouded by trauma - abuse and pain inflicted by Hannibal. and thus, it's not an easy thing to accept that he's developed a rich, deep love for Hannibal despite all of that. loving somebody who has put you through so much agony, but also made you feel most like yourself and like you actually matter and are perfect the way you are is nothing but confusing, after all.

after he tries to make a cut again and distance himself from Hannibal and therefore all those complicated feelings, he marries Molly out of necessity and "why not". he likes her, that's for sure. but he doesn't love her. and here, I also had the thought that maybe Will isn't even capable of such love yet. consciously and fully aware, deep, romantic love. I really don't think he's "capable" of it at that point in time.

I also completely agree with Hugh when he says that the season 3 finale was about Will. about his becoming, his acceptance of the violence and darkness, and loving that. but that didn't include Hannibal. not yet. like Hugh said, Will still has to discover and accept and come to terms with parts of himself. and his feelings for Hannibal are a huge part of exactly that. when he asked Bedelia "is Hannibal in love with me?" it can be interpreted several ways. my personal thoughts are that he's fully aware of Hannibal's feelings for him and he can feel them when they're together (and even when they're apart, like in season 3a) due to his empathy disorder. but as much and as easy as he can feel others' emotions and name them, he has a much harder time doing it for himself. he certainly had a realisation of, "ok, so. this is real. these feelings are real". but that doesn't include his own. not entirely. he knows they're there. there is something, at least. he can acknowledge that much. but he's so deep in denial and that bubble of "I'm unlovable and I don't want to love. especially the person that has caused me the most pain", sort of, that he can't see past that yet.

and so with his becoming complete and knowing that he can't actually live with himself because of it, but he also can't live with or without Hannibal, he decides to kill two birds with one stone, quite literally speaking. taking into account that they survived the fall, Will still has a long way to come to terms with those specific feelings toward Hannibal. feelings he can deny himself of even less now that he's given into his true self that Hannibal has always seen in him and so openly shown love and appreciation for. it's up to Will to do the same with Hannibal. and that is difficult. it's complicated, it's layered, it's a constant internal battle. and I don't doubt that it could take up to hypothetical seven seasons, or rather several years, until Will reaches that point where he can recognise and accept that he is, indeed, in love with Hannibal and has been this whole time.

[absenthearted]

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD || HACKEARNEY + ALTERNATE UNIVERSES [1/?]

A girl walks into the woods, and a wolf walks out.

The village has a tradition: a girl is chosen as a sacrifice to the Wolf. The Huntsman leads the Chosen into the woods and keeps vigil at the entrance. 

The girl does not come back. The Wolf stays away.

This is how it has always been—until now.

[suddencolds]

.~

[r0semultiverse]

Some memes in light of The Amazing Digital Circus pilot dropping! 💜

🎪 If you use/reupload these anywhere please credit me! 🎪

[twocutlines]

anyway

[retros-artandstuff]

vriska + a transmasc dave doodle

[nattikay]

nononono, see, you miss Neteyam because you think he’s hot

I miss Neteyam because I’ve mentally adopted the entire Sully family as my honorary children (yes that includes the parents)

we are not the same

[growinguparo]

Hi! I just wanted to jump in and say thank you, because your blog has actually helped me a lot recently. I read your post from a while back (like a WHILE, 4ish years ago) about the aro/ace future and what that looks like as we get older. I’ve been coming to terms on and off in the past few years about how averse I am to relationships and dating, and with the fact that really don’t care if I’m single for the rest of my life. But you very nearly articulated the main concern: what happens when everyone else is wrapped up in their marriages and their families I am truly alone? I’m still not sure that the aromantic identity is accurate for me, but it feels pretty close and so thank you, again, for opening this world up to me and putting words to my feelings. :)

Aww thank you for telling me!! 💚

I still feel the way I did when I wrote that post, although it occupies less of my brainspace than it used to. However, I will take this opportunity to talk about the big thing in my social life that changed since 2020: I dove hard into my local community. Any local community will do I think, but the main one for me was my local trans community. I was also in a community music ensemble, I spent a couple years in a survivor support group, and I went to local queer events. I valued those communities highly enough that they were the main reason I was upset to be moving to a new city.

Community made a huge difference for me. I wasn’t really friends with any of them exactly (like I rarely hung out with any of them outside of whatever thing we had together), and community definitely doesn’t occupy the same niche of social requirements as friends or a partner. But it HELPS. It helps with social support, feeling connected to other people, having regular social interaction, and (crucially imo) meeting people who are older than you in a peer environment instead of one where they are of higher status than you.

I know so many trans people in their 30s, 40s, 50s, even 70s, from my local trans community - variously single, married, divorced, multiply divorced, dating, polyamorous, nonamorous, etc. It really broadened my view of what people older than me are actually doing in real life, not just what the twenty-somethings around me anticipate they will be doing when they are that age. People who are like me too, queer transgender people who will never fit the conventional narrative. It enriched my life in a way I wasn’t expecting.

I still don’t know what an aroace future looks like and it’s still scary but at least now I know that mine will include local communities and that I can get a fair amount of the social fulfillment I’m seeking from them.

[facedock]

okay so I haven't generated any more AI songs since I said I wouldn't, but I never did post some of the other ones I'd already made and this one is actually one of my favorites 'cause imo it just nailed the wistfulness and anxiety and EMOSHUN (it's about the Yearning 😭), so... here it is.

inspired by how many times Face and Murdock have probably shared a room during jobs and been left to face their Feelings in the middle of the night. it's supposed to be from Face's POV (ft. ye olde internalized homophobia, my beloved) but depending on how you headcanon Murdock's own struggle with his Feelings ig it could go either way, maybe they're even both thinkin' the same thoughts while sleeping right across from each other and not talking about it 'cause they're scaredybabies)

lyrics under the cut (partially generated, partially written by me... honestly I forget which parts were purely AI-generated lol but I know for sure that I wrote both of the bridges and the choruses/outro, and definitely tweaked some of the verses)

[Verse 1] Sharing a motel tonight Turn my back to you in spite Fear creeps in with twilight's cue I'm afraid to love you [Verse 2] Secret that would shake your core Hold my heart behind a door Shame so deep I can't break through I'm afraid to love you [Chorus] I already do I already do I'm sorry it's true But I already do Love you [Verse 3] Silent tears in morning light Dreams that fade at dawn's first sight Hope is here but out of view I'm afraid to love you [Verse 4] Every word I dare not say Keeping my true heart at bay I'd propose a rendezvous But I'm afraid to love you [Chorus] I already do I already do Fear keeps me from you But I already do Love you [Bridge 1] Playing it straight is a losing game When you've got a heart that can't be tamed And I know it's wrong, but what can I say?* After all these years the feeling won't go away [Chorus] I already do I already do I'm sorry it's true But I already do [Bridge 2] (Just say you'll stay) If you knew I felt it (Just say you'll stay) I'm shaking my darling please (Just say you'll stay) Don't leave you're all I need (Just say you'll stay) Just say you'll stay 'Cause I ain't going nowhere, babe [Chorus/Outro] I already do I already do I'm so scared to tell you But I already do Oh, I already do I hope you don't mind if I say it 'Cause I tell you it's true There's no way 'round it, babe I tell you I already do I already do Yeah, I already do I already love you

*Internalized homophobia's words, not mine. Obligatory "obviously there's nothing wrong with queer love" statement. 😅

[babacontainsmultitudes]

[just venting a bit into the void you understand you understand 😌] Lately I've been feeling very caught between "I have a lot of thoughts on Sparrow and Normal and all that with the ending and teen talk and feel like I need to get them out and voice them for my own piece of mind and resolution" and "I am lacking the strength and energy to actually sit down and write it all out and kind of really just want to fully move on to other things (AUs, fics, anything else)" but my brain can't seem to commit to either and that's quite frustrating cause it's just left me very restless. *Sigh*. Idk! Just needed to complain about that a bit ig, it's silly but this is what has been ailing me as of late.

[paperhats-and-evil-schemes]

Hi there! I’m actually a newer follower and reader of yours (I voted 10 chapters on the poll as sooner updates sounds best to me! xD)

But anyway I was wondering how to go about finding those snippets you mentioned in the tags? Tumblr’s search function sucks a$$ and it sounds like those posts are pretty old, so I’m having trouble finding them. :((( I'm a sucker for Flug angst so I wanted to have a look-see if that's alright!

Hi! Thank you for reading, and for the input! Ten chapters seems to be winning so far lmao, I guess it makes sense, 10k words per update is still quite a big chunk at a time. 😂

I think I only posted two snippets of the WH fic in the past, although the first one is pretty long; here’s the first one and here’s the second one. (I actually have another one I’m going to post for my ol’ buddy Nosy Anon eventually lmao, but I have a drawing I want to finish that goes with that one too, so not yet. 😂)

(These are indeed very old though, so I apologize for the awkward writing lmao, most of this stuff is getting heavily workshopped and will likely be pretty different when the actual fic goes up.)

[bambiraptorx]

Any version of Splinter in AUs sees something like this what is their reaction?

[I.D. Two panel digital colored comic an AU version of Mikey from ROTTMNT, face to face with a fan version of Alopex. In the first panel, both of them are shown from waist up in profile, staring at each other and blushing slightly. Mikey wears an orange t shirt and a black shoulder strap with a pouch on it, his kusari fundo attached to the strap. Alopex is a white fox yokai with a short blue pixie cut and two gold piercings on her right ear. She wears a darker blue sleeveless crop top, brown pants, and black gloves. In the next panel, the two turn away from each other and blush heavily. Mikey holds his hands in front of his chest and stares sown at them, while Alopex looks away, one hand on her hip and the other on the back of her head, and whistles nervously. End I.D.]

Honestly I think there would be a decent amount of variety.

The first that comes to mind is My Circus My Turtles Splinter/Yoshi, and assuming he knows at this point that the turtles are his sons, he would not be particularly happy about one of them showing interest in a yokai girl. The fact that that he had a very negative experience with dating a yokai (and then enslaved by her for over a decade and only 'rescued' by someone else who wanted to use him too) means that he has a bit of a knee-jerk negative reaction around people with romantic intentions. It doesn't matter if Alopex is genuine in her feelings or not, Yoshi wouldn't trust her.

This is compounded by the fact that even though he lives among humans, there's no one he can really trust with what he considers his darkest and most shameful secrets. And yeah in canon there's no one he can really tell, but that's different - there's literally no one around for him to be able to confide in. And yes that's stressful and awful, but it's a different situation to be surrounded by people and not trust any of them.

Meanwhile for Not Quite Hidden, Splinter would basically be expecting his kids to date yokai if they dated anyone. They've been raised in the Hidden City, after all, if they're gonna date anyone once they're older it would have to be yokai. Yeah he's worried about them having healthy relationships, but he's lived around yokai for years at that point (and actually been able to interact with them, because Big Mama severely limited who he was able to spend any length of time with) and he knows that they're just normal people. There's trustworthy ones, sketchy ones, etc. He can't generalize them the way a version of him who escaped mutation would be able to feel comfortable doing.

For Minor Interference Splinter, honestly I'm not entirely sure how he would see it, but given that it would have to be some point during or after the Season 2 equivalent (and definitely after he finds out about Draxum), he might be grumpy that the boys have been going to the Hidden City without him. If it's something that he didn't know about at all, he would definitely be annoyed/angry that they were hiding yet another yokai they've been hanging out with from him.

[sysig]

Hm ok what's your favorite or a really cool worlbuilding thing you've done? For any fandom or original or even an unimplemented idea

Hmm well at least in the past decade, my big worldbuilding projects have mostly come down to three-ish stories: Other Side of the Gun, Adventures of Gæilo and Ethon, and Just Desserts

OSG was an Invader ZiM fancomic concept I started around 2013 to justify every single Irken headcanon I ever came up with lol - I never finished it, or even really started it, but I put a lot of time and energy into its roughs back in the day :)

^A stick figure recap of Ch. 1, inspired by - what else - the Vargas stick figure recaps lol

One that you can see over here is all the work I did for my DnD campaign, AGE! (Though its sideblog hasn't been updated in a while haha - the AGE tag over here works just as well) I basically homebrewed a pantheon and had an absolute blast designing all the gods and their forms before they became gods and even things like architectural differences in their churches and the BBEG and his motivations and just ah <3 Such a fun project :D

It also laid the groundwork for things like Pokemon Homestyle, specifically all my papercrafts! You can really see how I leveled up haha

And my latest has been Just Desserts! Even with less time under its belt, it's still pretty expansive, as evidenced by my icon and theme and the backlog lol, and it's the one I have the most AUs of! (Though OSG does come close actually haha) There are still some thorny details I'm trying to iron out, especially to do with the magic system, but all the characters and creatures and the fact that I made my own fighting minigame, ah, pleased! I've never been so happy with a sona before Charm! ♥ From the very beginning it's been so fun to work on and I still want to improve!