#this post may or may not only exist cos i’m watching get back again and the detail shots of george’s hands are fucking killing me

[justagirlwithanoralfixation]

oral fixation go brrr

[alastor-and-adam]

Welcome to Our Blog

Presented by Adam (the First and Most Perfect Man) and Alastor (the Delightful Radio Demon)

Art by @YoiteArt on Twitter/X

Adam: Of course, I’ll start. As the first man—the literal blueprint for perfection—it's only fitting that I set the tone here. Welcome to the greatest blog you'll ever read. Why? Because I’m on it.

Alastor: Ahaha! Now, now, Adam, let’s not scare them off with your endless self-aggrandizing right out of the gate. Greetings, dear readers! Alastor here, your charming host and co-author. Together, Adam and I will enlighten, entertain, and likely horrify you in equal measure.

Adam: Speak for yourself, Radio Boy. I’m here to teach, inspire, and remind everyone how lucky they are to bask in my presence.

Alastor: Ahem. While Adam prattles on about his... shall we say “greatness”... let me assure you this blog isn’t just a shrine to his ego. We’ll cover a delightful mix of musings, stories, and—most importantly—tales of our darling Evelyn. Isn’t she just the sweetest thing?

Evelyn: *looking like a deer in headlights at the sudden attention*

Adam: My genes, obviously. She’s perfect.

Alastor: Aaaand back to Adam. But before we dive into the chaos, let’s lay down some rules, shall we?

The Rules of Our Blog

1. No Minors Allowed.

Adam: This is Hell. Not daycare. If you’re under 18, get out.

Alastor: Quite right! Some topics may be unsuitable for impressionable young minds. And by some topics, I mean most topics.

2. Be Respectful.

Alastor: Discourse and debate are welcome—encouraged, even—but rudeness will not be tolerated. I do have a reputation to maintain, after all.

Adam: Translation: play nice, or Alastor might rip your spine out. Me? I’ll just make you regret existing.

3. No Spamming.

Adam: We don’t care about your scams, your sob stories, or your pyramid schemes. Post garbage, and you’ll be dealt with.

Alastor: And by “dealt with,” Adam means I’ll creatively banish you. Do try to avoid it; cleaning up the mess is such a bore.

4. Don’t Talk About the Fruit🍎

Adam: One time. ONE. DAMN. TIME.

Alastor: Ahaha! Oh, come now, Adam. You did doom humanity. That’s quite the legacy!

Adam: And you’ll doom yourself if you bring it up again. Moving on.

5. Evelyn is Off-Limits.

Alastor: Evelyn is our precious little treasure, and she’s absolutely not to be mocked, insulted, or criticized.

Adam: She’s my legacy—my perfection incarnate. If you so much as look at her wrong, I’ll make sure your afterlife becomes a personal nightmare.

Alastor: Wait don’t you have Cain, Abel and Seth?

Adam: *crosses his arms* I don’t want to talk about it…

6. Keep Your Soul to Yourself.

Alastor: While I appreciate the enthusiasm, I’m not here to make deals. I’ve got enough souls to keep me entertained for centuries.

Adam: And I’m not interested. I’ve already been cursed once, thanks.

7. Stay On Topic... Mostly.

Adam: If I’m giving you wisdom, listen. Don’t derail it with nonsense.

Alastor: Although, a bit of creative flair is welcome! I do enjoy a good story or clever quip. Just don’t bore us.

8. No Evelyn Slander.

Adam: Didn’t we already cover this?

Alastor: Yes, but it bears repeating. Just don’t.

9. Dark Humor is Fine—But Watch Yourself.

Adam: We’re not your therapists, and we don’t want to be. Keep it funny, not pathetic.

Alastor: Well said! Clever wit is appreciated, but tasteless drivel? Why, that’s just embarrassing—for you.

10. Have Fun—or Else.

Alastor: This blog is meant to entertain! If you’re not enjoying yourself, perhaps the problem isn’t us, but you.

Adam: And if you’re going to whine, I suggest you leave before I block you into oblivion.

Adam: There. Rules laid out. Can we get to the part where I talk about myself now?

Alastor: Ahaha! Oh, Adam, you never stop. But yes, dear readers, dive in and enjoy. And remember: everything here is done with love, mischief, and just a hint of malevolence.

Adam: Mostly from me. You’re welcome.

Alastor: Ahem. Of course. Welcome, and enjoy the show!

[racerchix21]

SNIPSGIVING Thursday

As tagged by @desert--moonchild earlier

This is a little more of what I posted yesterday about Kaos and Havoc the dogs

“Ev, what’s wrong baby,” Tommy asks shifting their sleeping daughter to one arm so he can wrap the other around Buck. “You were in such a good mood when you left earlier to go have your monthly Buckley Sip N Bitch with Maddie. What happened?”

“Phillip and Margaret happened. They showed up at Maddie and Chim’s unannounced and started throwing their normal fit about how Maddie and I were terrible people for not wanting them around Jee & Danielle. They’ve apparently been “trying” to arrange a visit the last couple months but neither Maddie or I have gotten any sort of contact from them so I don’t know,” Buck answers snuggling into Tommy’s chest and reaching to hold Danielle’s little hand. “Then they started in on how horrible I was for not inviting them to meet this sweet girl as soon as she was born.

I didn’t even know she existed until the dogs ran at you guys in the park a few months ago. They started bitching about you not telling me and I may have snapped at them because no one is allowed to sit and talk about my man like that. Maddie threw them out and told them to never call either of us again,” Buck finishes sheepishly.

“Well baby fuck the Buckleys. The only Buckleys I need in my life are you, our girl and Maddie & Co. and if your parents wanna complain about not getting to meet Danielle right away they need to understand I wasn’t even allowed to see her immediately either.”

“They didn’t let you see her after she was born,” Buck asks sitting up to look his boyfriend in the eye.

“Evan I was a mess when she was born. She was weeks early and they had to stabilize her a couple of times before they could let me see her,” Tommy tries to softly explain and not let the tears flow free again.

“I got to hold her little hand for a little bit before everything caught up with me and the doctors realized I wasn’t doing so hot. Apparently the nausea and pains I was experiencing weren’t part of the being pregnant stuff. My appendix burst at some point in the middle of labor and no one realized it until it was almost too late.”

“Tommy, baby I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you,” Buck says reaching out to wipe tears off his cheeks that Tommy doesn’t remember giving permission to fall. “You needed me and I wasn’t there.”

“NO EVAN,” Tommy raises his voice just enough to get his point across but not enough to wake Danielle. “I was the reason you weren’t there. I figured it out right after we broke up but I didn’t know how to tell you or if you’d even want kids with me so I didn’t say anything. So if anyone’s to blame for you not being there for us it’s me and for that I’m sorry baby.”

“We found our way back to each other in the end and that’s all that matters now,” Buck reassures kissing his cheek before putting his head back down on Tommy’s chest giving their daughter’s hand a quick little squeeze just to watch her nose scrunch up like her daddy’s does in his sleep when Buck does the same thing to him.

NP tagging or anyone who wants to read this: @bangpop91 @rdng1230 @awkwardcoffeebean

[lollypopsx]

Ok So im obsessed with your brother Harry drabble. And I know you probs have a load of requests cause of ya lil talented self but I just can’t stop thinking about like just fluffy chill drabble of the Styles Fam have Christmas dinner. Its like post meal everyones stuffed, really content and just kinda getting to enjoy something normal

Drabble Request

Drabble Masterlist

Brother!Harry x Y/N - 4.8k+

A/N: I’ve tried to make this fluffy and this is the first thing I’ve written in just over a week, so thank you all for being patient. This is not yet proof read so I may end up changing this a tiny bit at some point!

Warnings: mentions and actions of OCD, social anxiety, medication, grief. But this is mainly calm and fluffy!!

——————

24th December 2018

This was going to be the best Christmas you had ever had in all your eighteen years of existence.

Of course, every year, Christmas was incredible. Surrounded by your most loved family members, the beautiful decorations carefully and specifically placed around the house, they perfectly wrapped gifts under the tree – complete with red ribbon and bows and neatly written tags, the electric fire enhancing the warm glow in the living room, a day full of so much joy, happiness and gratefulness.

Well...every year apart from last year...

23rd December 2017

“You promised Harry! You promised us you’d be home!” You felt your voice painfully screaming down the phone to your brother.

“I know Y/N, I’m sorry. I really didn’t know the storm would come in so quickly. They’ve cancelled all flights and I just...I don’t know when they’ll be running again” He sighs softly, his voice full of regret.

“I told you to check! I told you not to leave it too late because if there were delays then you’d never get back! I told you! I told you and you didn’t listen!” You felt the scratchiness at your throat as you felt angry tears threatening to spill.

“I did listen, I had to work Y/N” He frowns, slumping into his seat on the comfy sofa in his LA house, his heating had been cranked right back up as he watched the flurrying snow storm outside.

“You’re always working! I wish you’d just stop!” You felt the anger firing up within you. You knew this wasn’t your brother’s fault entirely, but you were really struggling this Christmas.

“Y/N...that’s enough” Your mother tells you sternly, her voice giving you plenty of warning to calm down. But right now, you were having none of it.

“Y/N please...” Harry’s fingers curled into his damp hair as he let out a breath, closing his eyes and resting his head back on the sofa.

“You promised! It’s the first Christmas without Robin and now you’re not going to be here too! You’ve ruined it and I hate you!!” You sobbed into the phone, your voice now louder than it had ever been. Harry’s heart completely broke at your words and tone, and especially those three words that escaped your lips. This has been something bubbling under the surface for months. Your Step Dad passing away had been a massive shock and a major change in your life, that you were still struggling to come to terms with.

“Y/N. That’s enough now. Give me the phone please” Anne frowned and stood behind you, resting a hand on your shoulder and holding her hand out for you to give her your phone.

This rage had clearly been building up for a little while, because instead of co-operating and handing your phone over, the steaming anger took over your body and your hand threw your phone to the wall, Harry could only guess what had happened when he heard your phone hit the wall, startling him to sit up in a panic.

“Y/N?...Y/N?!” Harry’s muffled voice came from the now cracked phone, lifeless at the corner of the room, and a slight mark in the wall.

“Harry, I’ll phone you back on my phone in a minute...” Anne frowns. “Y/N upstairs now please...” She shakes her head, although she understood your feelings, she couldn’t let you get away with speaking to people that way. But this had to be dealt with properly.

“Come on...” She whispers, holding your wrists and rubbing her thumbs gently over your pulse. The tears streaming down your face as your sobs escape from your chest as your Mum lead you upstairs, but not to your room, to Gemma’s old bedroom.

Gemma’s old bedroom had been turned into a bit of a den for you. A room of warm glowing lights, soft teddys, blankets, a corner sofa - which was also a very comfortable sofa bed, fidget toys, books and pens with colouring books.

It was a space for you to go when you just needed space to calm down after feeling overwhelmed, or a safe place to go where there was nothing that could cause injuries to you, break, smash or fall and cause a loud noise.

You lay down on the grey sofa, pulling multiple blankets over you just so you could feel some softness against your warm skin. Sobbing quietly into the cushion, squeezing it tightly in your arms. Your Mum left a bottle of water beside you and pressed a gentle kiss to your head, but when you pulled away from her touch, she knew all too well that for this moment you just wanted to be alone.

---

“Mum, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise she would get like that...” Harry frowns, sighing softly as he watched his Mum make a cup of tea on facetime.  

“It’s not your fault H, these things happen.” She gives him a gentle smile.

“Are you ok?...” He asks gently, the softness in his voice and the guilt in his eyes.

“I’m alright love, we all knew this Christmas was going to be tough. And we all know you’d be here if you could” She explains while taking her tea and phone to the sofa. “You know she didn’t mean what she said”

“I know Mum, but I should be there. Has she been like this a lot lately?”

“Well, some days are better than others. But she’s still dealing with a lot of change that we can’t reverse. We all are love. She’s in the den for a bit, she just needs space. Look, she’s smashed it to buggery” She sighs softly, picking up the now-smashed phone and showing Harry.

“I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again Mum, I promise. I’ll be with you all every Christmas, next year I’ll make sure I’m back in the beginning of December. Can you get her to call me later? Please?”

“I will love. I’ll have a talk with her when she’s calm. She’s going back to counselling twice a week after Christmas, I think that will do her the world of good and they said that the anger phase is quite common in the stages of grief. I think she’s going to be a bit quiet this Christmas”

“Dad’s still coming over right though?”

“Of course, and your grandparents too. I’ll miss you though darling” She smiles softly. “I won’t miss you burning my yorkshire puds though.” She teases and Harry chuckles softly with a groan.

“Mum that happened one time!”

“And you’ll never live that down! I’m going to check on Y/N, I’ll get her to call you later after I’ve sorted out a replacement phone for her.”

“Alright, I’ll speak to you later. I miss you and I love you. Next Christmas will be better. I promise.” Harry blows a kiss through the camera before waving tiredly and hanging up.

---

And Harry kept true to his word. He came back early in December, he had a few London based jobs to do during the month, but he would be home with his family for Christmas.

He had arrived to your home on the 21st December, and he was staying til the 28th before heading back to his house in London. But today was Christmas Eve, and the next few days were always full of things to do. Gemma had arrived to stay too, she arrived dead on promised time at 1pm, while you were helping Harry wrap the last of his presents for the other family members.

Once the wrapping had finished, you, Harry and Gemma were in charge of making some desserts for tomorrow. Aside from the usual mince pies and Christmas pudding which your grandmother made every year, the three of you would also always bake something. This year, Gemma was doing a Cheesecake, and you and Harry were making a Chocolate Trifle.

Your Mother had been banished from the kitchen so she could go an relax with a cup of mulled wine, after she had been doing most of the Christmas Dinner preparations all morning.  

“Don’t you make a mess!” Was the last thing she told you with a jokey tone before Gemma shut the kitchen doors as Harry set up the speakers, connecting them to his phone. “Y/N you’re in charge of the baking playlist this year!” He grins, handing you his phone as Gemma takes all of the ingredients out of the fridge.

You give him a wide grin and push his phone away, taking yours out of your pocket as Harry shoots you a confused frown. “I made my own this year. With all my favourite artists...” You giggle and link it to the blue tooth speakers.  

“Let me have a look at that” He furrows his brow, taking your phone and scrolling through “Oasis...Niall...Louis...Taylor Swift...Liam...Zayn...Coldplay...Ed Sheeran...Hey! None of my songs are on here! Why am I not on here?!” He fakes an offended gasp.

“You are!...Look!” You scroll down to the massive One Direction section

“Doesn’t count” He grumbles before pressing shuffle on the playlist and opening the recipe book, while Gemma started on her Cheesecake. Harry cut up the chocolate log to line the bottom of the dish as you began the chocolate pudding mix.

“Lost my senses I'm defenceless Her perfume's holding me ransom Sweet and sour I devour Lying here I count the hours

Waking up Beside you, I'm my loaded gun I can't contain this anymore I'm all yours, I got no control No control Powerless And I don't care, it's obvious I just can't get enough of you The pedal's down, my eyes are closed No control No control No control”

The three of you danced happily together around the kitchen, singing loudly as you all used a water bottle, a whisk and a remote as microphones. As the song came to an end you all high fived and took a bow to your audience of baking ingredients scattered around the kitchen.

“We have been the Styles Siblings! Thank you, and good night!” Harry shouts with his arms in the air as the three of you end in giggles.

“Harry! Out of my way! I need the oven!” Gemma groans, poking at his hip with the end of her bottle.

“Don’t blame me, blame Y/N! She told me to stand her and whip some cream and not move!” He flashes a cheeky grin.

“I didn’t say that. I said don’t get in my way” You huff softly. “Move out of Gemma’s way you loser” Your small frame nudges him, but his masculine figure didn’t budge at all. “And turn the mixer off! You’ll over whip the cream!” You whine softly and check the time.

“How are we doing for time little Styles?” Gemma glances at the time. “We’re 15 minutes ahead so we’re okay” You confirm with a nod.

“...or we will be if Harry doesn’t MOVE OUT THE WAY!” Gemma groans, biting her tongue to hold down the laugh. Harry had a smug smile on his face as he turned off the mixer, slowly moving out of the way so Gemma could open the oven.

You lifted the mixer to stir the cream gently. “How did I do Boss Lady?” Harry peers over your shoulder as you inspect his mixer duty skills.  

“Hmmm, it’s not too bad...can you pass me the vanilla please? It’s behind you” He nods at your instruction as he turns around. You take Gemma’s hand and smear some cream in there, she was about the shriek in surprise but you pressed your fingers to your lips and gently nodded your head towards Harry, who was still rummaging through the cupboard. Gemma understood the mission.

“Here you are” Harry turned around and placed the Vanilla beside you, at the same time, you and Gemma turned to face Harry, each of your hands full of whipped cream as you both pressed a hand to his cheeks.

Harry’s eyes widened in shock, taking a few seconds to realise what the two of you had just done as he chuckled in disbelief. “You cheeky b-”

“Go and get cleaned up Harold! That’s what you get for not listening” You giggle softly. “Oh the war has begun! I’ll get you two back, just you wait and see!” He shook his head with a grin as you and Gemma wiped your hands clean and high fived each other twice.

He took the towel from you as you finished up the dessert, piping perfect swirls of cream on top of the trifle, Harry gently placing it into the fridge until tomorrow and the three of you cleaning up.  

“Time check?” Harry asks, helping you wipe down the kitchen sides.

You check your list and the time on your phone. “It’s 5:20pm. We have ten minutes and then it’s film time and then Mum said we can order dinner at 5:30 and they’ll have it delivered by 7pm because they’re always really busy Christmas Eve”

Harry nodded with a smile “Does that mean is Christmas pyjama time?”

“Oh Harry, you know the schedule so well” You smile proudly and ruffle his hair as you head upstairs. Every year since you were born, the three of you wore matching pyjamas on Christmas Eve, watch Love Actually and order a takeaway. So there you all were at 11pm, half asleep, full up on food, alcohol in your glasses (well actually, you were drinking Fanta because alcohol wasn’t advised with your tablets) and the ending credits of the film rolling round.  

“Right, off you go you Gremlins. Go to bed” Anne smiles softly before pressing a kiss to each of your heads and shooing you all upstairs. Harry’s bedroom was still the same, as well as your room, and Gemma stayed in the den.  

“Wait...” You mumble softly before Harry and Gemma disappear into their rooms. They turn to look at you with a curious gaze, your fingers twiddling together nervously.

“Y/N...What’s wrong?” Harry frowns, noticing your nervous fingers, which was a trait he hadn’t seen all week.

“You know...w-when we were younger and we...we would all stay together? And w-we'd sleep in Gemma’s bed...can we do that again?...Just tonight?” You whisper softly, with a hint of sadness in your eyes.

Harry and Gemma looked between each other and Gemma gave a small smile. “Grab your duvets gang” She smiled and opened her door. The king size sofa bed was pulled out, Gemma shuffled her duvet over to the right, with you and Harry pulling your own duvets in too, and you had a bear with you too...don’t judge. The fairy lights hung round the window and above the sofa was all the light you guys needed.

“Prepare your eyes” you mutter softly before tapping the light switch as usual. On. Off. On. Off.

You slipped next to Gemma, shuffling under your own covers as Harry laid to your right. Please don’t ask. Please don’t ask. Please don’t ask.

“So why the sudden change of sleeping arrangements hm?” Harry asks quietly, turning to lay on his side, his hand keeping his head propped up as you tried to disappear into the deep depths of the duvets. Gemma’s fingers were gently stroking through your curls slowly.

You sigh deeply and look between the two of them nervously. “Because...because it reminds me of being a child when we didn’t have anything to worry about and...and nothing was wrong. And things weren’t...how they are now” You whisper shyly. “It’s just...I was better then...and less anxious and I was nor-”

“Don’t.” Harry cuts you off suddenly. “There is no normal. Normal doesn’t exist, it’s not a thing. You are the way you are and we love you no matter what, you know we do” He whispers softly.

“Yeah...” Gemma whispers gently, still brushing through your hair with her fingertips. “Just look at your brother...he has four nipples and we still love him”

“Hey!” Harry pouts, flicking Gemma before looking back at you.

“Y/N, I know the last 18 months haven’t been easy, they’ve been difficult for all of us, and there’s somethings that, when they change, there’s nothing we can do about it. But you’ve come so far since last Christmas, things are going to get better” Harry explains gently, his voice always giving you the comfort you need.

“Do you really think so?” You whisper softly. “I just feel like sometimes I’m getting nowhere. Like it’s just the same thing over and over again. Like I’m on a loop at the moment.”

“Just remember Y/N, it’s better to be on a bit of loop than to be back at square one. We’re so proud of you” Gem whispers softly, tickling your chin gently with her fingers.

You suddenly sit up with a gasp “Harry what’s the time?!”

He furrows his brows and quickly checks the time 11:52 why?” He frowns.

“We have to put Mum’s presents under the tree before 12am!” You throw the duvet off of you as you stumble out of bed. Harry let out a breathed chuckle as he follows you to your room, waiting for you to flick the light switch on and off twice, before taking found of the full bags of presents from your hands. “You get all of the presents you’ve stashed around your room and I’ll take them all downstairs. Go get back into bed” He sighs gently with a wide, yet sleepy grin.

You nod and pile them all onto your bed before flicking the den light switch twice more and then crawling back into the bed next to Gemma.

The two of you sleepily chatting quietly as you wait for Harry. “And you’ve been feeling okay on these tablets this time?” Gem asks quietly, your heads resting beside each other.  

You nod gently ,“Much better this time” You whisper.

Harry placed the presents neatly under the tree and headed back upstairs, hearing the two of you whispering quietly.

“Come on sleepy head” Harry whispers softly as you three shuffle around to get comfy. You drifted off to sleep within minutes, your head resting on Harry’s arm and Gemma’s hand playing with your loose curls.

---

25th December 2018

A painful groan escaped your lips as you reached for your drink at the table. You, your parents, Harry, Gemma and your Grandparents were sat around the dinner table after three very full courses.

“That dinner was amazing, thank you Mum” You yawn softly, sipping on your glass of Pepsi Max and rubbing your eyes tiredly.

Everyone agreed happily. “And thank you kids for the cheesecake and the trifle...and your kitchen concert at 5pm last night” Anne chuckles softly, sipping happily on her glass of wine.

“Kitchen concert? Why does that not surprise me?” Your Dad chuckles, as your Mum takes her phone, pressing play on a video of her hiding behind the door and film the three of you dancing and jumping around the kitchen.

The three of you groan in sync, embarrassment filling your veins “Mum!” You groan.

Harry was leant back in the chair, letting out a deep breath and chuckling as he pushed his bowl away. “We make a great trifle team” Harry grins, raising a hand up to you. You couldn’t help but giggle softly as you high five him twice and reach over to gather all the plates and bowls, then carrying them into the kitchen.  

You hadn’t eaten anywhere near as much as the others, because you had a bit of a lack of appetite from your tablets, but you’d still had far too much.

“Everything alright lovie?” Your Dad asks, helping to bring in the rest of the leftover desserts and taking them back to the fridge.  

You look up to him with a small smile. “Yeah, I’m alright. Just full up” You nod gently, scraping the plates into the bin before rinsing them under the tap and loading them into the dishwasher.

“You’ve done a great schedule this year darling. What’s next?” He pats your shoulder gently.

“The Queen’s speech, then a film while we play some games, and then a film after that.” You smile softly. Everyone always liked your little Christmas Day schedules, it made you feel useful and it made you calm.

“You’ve done really well this year darling. I’m so proud of you. Of all of you” He taps your cheek gently and presses a kiss to your forehead.

“D-dad....” You whisper softly, looking up at him with warm eyes.

“Yes lovie?” He asks before heading into the living room.

“...Thank you. For sticking around” You whisper, looking down with a smile and pressing your lips together to stop your emotions flaring.

“Hey...I always will be. And don’t you forget it” He walks over, wrapping his arm around you tightly. “Come on now, don’t want to miss the Queen’s speech do we” He chuckles before heading back into the living room.  

Everyone’s presents were still scattered around the living room, wrapping paper crumpled up around still some unopened presents under the tree. You had all really spoilt each other this year. Designer labels, and some handmade gifts, experience vouchers and holiday/getaway vouchers as well.

“Tired huh, trouble?” Harry smiles softly as you plop down onto the sofa behind him.

“One way of putting it” You huff softly. “I don’t think I can even look at another roast potato”

Once the Queen’s annual Christmas Speech was over, the Christmas Day TV began, the board games emerged, and after beating Harry twice at the quiz cards that he had brought round, the two of you sat happily on the sofa, while watching Gemma ad your parents divulge in their annual game of darts, your grandparents in their annual game of scrabble.

“You kept your promise this year Haz...” You say softly, leaning your head against the back of the sofa and sipping on your Pepsi.

“What are on about?” Harry raises his brow and looks down at you, both of you resting your feet on the coffee table in front of you.

“Last Christmas you told Mum that this year would be better...you were right” You whisper.

“Oh...yeah. I know. I’m sorry for last year...” He whispers, still feeling the slight pinch of guilt.

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t of reacted that way. But Mum seems a bit happier this year” You look over with a small smile.

“Grief never goes away. But it just get’s easier to manage when you get the proper help” He whispers, with a nod of agreement from you.

“You know I never meant it right?…last year when I said I hated you…” you mutter, biting your nail gently.

“I know love. I love” he whispers, gently prying your nail from your teeth and the two of you sit comfortably in silence for a few minutes.

“Harry...” You clear your throat softly and sit up slightly.

“Y/N...” He raises his brow and looks back down at you.

“Can I..erm...would you mind if I...I maybe came to stay in London with you for a little bit after Christmas?”

“You want t’come stay with me for a bit?” He smiles. “Like a night or two? Is Mum off away somewhere?”

“N-no...no Mum’s not away...or maybe a...maybe a bit longer?” You fiddled with your fingers nervously again, for fear of rejection or him not wanting you to be there because you’d be a burden. But the grin upon Harry’s face said much different. You had only ever stayed with Harry or Gemma in London when Anne was away for a few nights, but you’d stay for an odd night here or there, but you’d never asked to stay longer.

Harry knew how you could be when you weren’t staying at home, how you could get so overwhelmed being out of your daily routine and away from your safe space here. He always encouraged you to stay longer, but he would never push because he wanted you to feel ready in your own time.

“Of course you can...come and stay however long you like...” He beams proudly.

“I’d erm...I’d also really like to...see London from the London Eye...” You mumble shyly. Heights and busy areas had never been your strong points, but you had been talking to your therapist a lot lately about setting yourself goals to try things. But not to rush into them, and to do things at a pace you feel safe and comfortable with.

The look of surprise was obvious on Harry’s face, but he was elated to say the least. “Okay...we can look into that and get something planned...Or maybe we could start with the Shard? It doesn’t move, and there’s less waiting around. Plus we can just turn around and go back down at any point if you need to” He rests his arm over your shoulder and squeezes your arm twice lightly.

You look up at him in relief with a smile. “Yeah...okay” You whisper and take a deep breath.

“Told you...you’re doing so well” He whispers.

“Anything else you think you’d like to do?” He presses curiously.

“Hmm...I’d like to spend time with your friends...or...try and make some of my own” You mutter. “But I...I’m not sure if I’m quite ready for that just yet” You whisper softly, staring down at your lap.  

“That’s okay...you’re making really good progress so far...Oh...I forgot! When I was out in London the other day, I found these!” He reaches behind the sofa for a gift bag. It was full of silicone shapes with multiple holes in?

“Harry what are these?” You ask curiously.

“They’re these new fidget toys called Pop It’s, look!” He smiles, taking one from the bag and flipping it over to show the bumps, then pushing it in to create a hole. “There was a woman on this stall in Camden and she was saying how they are great for distractions or anxiety fidget toys. So...I got one of each one she had. I thought they may be better than the Rubik's cube or the spinners because they’ll be much quieter. And there’s enough for you to put in every room, plus all our cars, and leave some at Dad’s and Gemma’s. And I...I already put some in your room at my house”

“Harry...I don’t know what to say...that’s so thoughtful...thank you” You smile, popping the holes back and forth a few times. He was right, it was quite distracting and relaxing.

You rested your head upon Harry’s shoulder and closed your eyes softly. Your hands still fidgeting with the pop it, but contently. Anne lightly placed one of your blankets over your legs.

“Tired lovie?” Your Dad asked, patting your leg gently.

You fluttered your eyes open gently and shook your head softly. “Just full up” You whisper. But the truth was, you were exhausted. You weren’t drained like you usually felt, but Christmas was always a very busy time of year, so you always felt crashed by Christmas night. But it was always so worth it.

“Don’t fall asleep just yet Little Styles” Harry nudges you softly. “I want you all to hear something first.” He coughs slightly and picks up his guitar from the stand by the sofa.

“So I...I wrote this song after a FaceTime conversation with Y/N a few weeks back. Two weeks before I was coming back, and we were talking about a lot of things, mainly me coming home, and all the progression you’ve made lately. But I was in Arizona and...yeah. I write this song. It’s called Canyon Moon and I think it’s going to go on the next album...

Harry’s fingers began to pluck at the strings of his guitar with a smile on his face, it was definitely more upbeat that the songs on the last album...

“You gotta see it to believe it Sky never looked so blue So hard to leave it That's what I always do So I keep thinking back to A time under the canyon moon

The world's happy waiting Doors yellow, broken, blue I heard Jenny saying "Go get the kids from school" And I keep thinking back to A time under the canyon moon

I'll be gone too long from you

Staring at the ceiling Two weeks and I'll be home Carry the feeling Through Paris, all through Rome And I'm still thinking back to A time under the canyon moon

I'm going, oh, I'm going I'm going, oh, I'm going I'm going, oh, I'm going home

I'm going, oh, I'm going I'm going, oh, I'm going I'm going, oh, I'm going home

Quick pause in conversation She plays songs I've never heard An old lover's hippie music Pretends not to know the words And I keep thinking back to A time under the canyon moon

I'll be gone too long from you

I'm going, oh, I'm going I'm going, oh, I'm going I'm going, oh, I'm going home

I'm going, oh, I'm going I'm going, oh, I'm going I'm going, oh, I'm going home

I'm going, oh, I'm going I'm going, oh, I'm going I'm going, oh, I'm going home (hey)”

You grin tiredly as Harry finishes the song. “It sounds incredible Harry...”

“Merry Christmas little sister” He smiles.

“Merry Christmas Harry” You whisper. “Sing something else...” You mutter as you close your eyes and rest your head on his shoulder once again.

This was a perfect Christmas for you, a magical day, stuck to the schedule, no panics or worries, and a day surrounded by those you love, and thinking of those we love who are no longer here.

——————

Tag List: @harryhoney-bee - @sunandherflores -  @beachwood-cafe - @damnasstyles - @awesomebooklover17 - @hazgoldenstyles - @evanjh - @harrysbracelet - @nerdypartytrashpsychic - @harryssweatcreaturee - @hibaiqbal12 - @ayeshathestyles - @michellekstyles - @rach2602 - @randomwriter1021 - @elizabethrosecresswell - @izziestyles - @pracsstyles - @florencepughily - @finelinevogue - @justalostgirl - @handsomerry - @watermelonlovershigh - @harrys-cherrry - @crustyblackvans - @kaitieskidmore1 - @vanteguccir - @vodka-popsicles - @emlovesharrystyles

[buttterknifeee]

Deep Six- Teen Titans x Aquagirl!Reader

Request: May I request an insert in the episode Deep Six where the titans meet Aqualad?

Masterlist

Summary: Robin makes you accompany this guy name Aqualad and Beast Boy. Will you be able to handle them or will their bickering tear you apart. Also you're a katara kinnie (i know ATLA didn't exist then but still) This episode is Season 1 Episode 8!

Pairings: Platonic!Aqualad x reader, Robin x reader if you squint

Word Count: 4314

A/N: this time i decided not to split up the episode and post it as one! I made them meet for the first time here, so the Aqua kids don't bond much yet, but if you want to see more, feel free to request! (click here for guidelines) Also yes I also ended this one with "anyone up for pizza" thats all i know how to do to end a fan ficbskghs

“Ahhhh, don’t you just love the ocean?” you admired the shallow sea, the blue water flowing by you. The others prepared for launch, reading off the status of the T-Sub.

“Main power online.”

“Oxygen tanks at maximum”

“Defensive system active”

Beast boy hums confidently. “And your new secret weapon is ready to rock.”

Cyborg rolls his eyes through the headset. “Only time you qualify as a secret weapon is after eating a tofu bean burrito.” You stifled a giggle as Beast Boy yells in protest.

“Uh, 'scuse me, bud. Can you breathe underwater? Uh-uh. Can you be any fish in the sea?”

You shrugged your shoulders and smirked. “Cyborg can’t but I can. And I can breathe underwater without being a fish so I guess I’m just as much of a secret weapon as you, BB.”

You found out that you could breathe underwater a few days after you and the others formed the Teen Titans. You were surfing for the first time since that day when you fell off your board. You had accidentally inhaled underwater, and to your relief, you found that you were able to breathe in the ocean water with no problem. You offered to swim outside the sub on your own, but the team didn’t want you to get hurt, so you were stuck in the small confines of your own pod of the T-sub.

Robin ignores you three’s bickering. “We have to find out what this Trident guy is planning,” he says. “If it takes forty barrels of toxic waste, I doubt it's environmentally friendly.”

The engines warm up, the vessel humming to life. “Titan Launch!” Robin exclaims and the T-sub shoots through a tunnel and into the Jump CIty Bay. You watch in awe at the ocean life around you. Now that you had a connection to the ocean, your perspective on ocean life had changed. You clutch your seashell necklace as you continue to take in the view of the ocean, ignoring Beast Boy showing off his teeth and Cyborg turning off his mic as a result. Robin’s voice snaps you back into reality.

“Sonar contact. Beast Boy! Aquagirl! Ready to go?”

You gave a quick smile. “On it.” You unbuckle your harness and the dome unlatched, allowing you to swim out. Beast Boy gave a mischievous smirk.

“Dude, I was born ready. Try not to be jealous.” He aimed the second comment at Raven, who looked at him indifferently. Beast Boy quickly swam out of his pod and transformed into a whale.

“He just put on three hundred thousand pounds. I am so jealous.” she notes sarcastically.

You and Beast Boy made silent eye contact before swimming towards the cargo ship, examining its destroyed remains. He turns into a shark to keep investigating, and you follow his lead. You couldn’t help but feel that you were being watched, as you swam around the ship. Suddenly, out of the corner of your eye, you see a green figure; not a bright green like Beast Boy’s but a sicker, murkier green. You point at the green man as he swam away, and you and Beast Boy immediately bolt after it, the T-sub following behind.

Your black scuba shoes propelled you forward, and you aimed blasts of water towards the figure, but it kept dodging your shots. The monster, whom you now assumed was Trident, fired his weapon at you and Beast Boy, and when you dodged, it hit the T-sub. You forced yourself to continue to chase after Trident, hoping that the vessel was also capable of dodging his shots.

You and Beast Boy were nearing close to catching Trident when a voice rang in your head. It wasn’t yours, nor Beast Boy’s; it was clear, belonging to someone no older than you were.

“Your friends are in danger.” you heard. You and Beast Boy both stopped in your tracks, looking at each other in shock. You realized that the T-sub was no longer following you.

“Our friends are in what? Whoa! How did you say that? Dude! How did I say that? Hey!” Beast Boy also says in your mind. You turn to see the T-sub being attacked, and shot off without waiting for Beast Boy.

“Dude, questions are for later! Let’s go!” You order, not even entirely sure how you were able to talk either. You approach the vessel, which was being destroyed by Trident, who you swore you were just chasing.

Suddenly, a figure knocked Trident down. Trident and the mystery person fought each other, moving so quickly that all you could see of the person was a blur of black and blue

You turn your attention to the T-sub, which was slowly sinking into a fissure on the seafloor. Water was filling up fast and a look of panic settled on your teammates faces (except Raven, who seemed to have accepted death). Your eyes glowed blue as you outstretched your arms towards the damaged vessel. Focusing on the water around the titans, you forced the leaks to cease and the descent into the fissure to stop. Your muscles burned as you kept your stance; holding the vessel in place underwater was similar to holding it up on your arms above ground. Beast Boy raced to help as you struggled to keep grip when suddenly, two whales came and carried the sub on their backs.

You let go of the ship and breathe a sigh of relief. Beast Boy sees you almost passing out and comes to your side, now in the form of a squid. Instead of comforting you, he complains about the whales' help.

"They got it? How come they got it?"

A familiar voice rang in your head again. "Because I asked for their help." The voice belonged to the guy who was fighting Trident before. He comes to your other side and supports your other arm, putting it around his neck.

"You talk to fish? Yeah right. And let go of her!"

"You guys need help, and I'm talking to you right?" He glared at Beast Boy, keeping his grip on you.

Beast Boy was about to reply when you held your hand up in front of his squid face. "Beast Boy, I'm a solid five seconds from collapsing. I'm fine with the help."

The guy in blue gave a small smile. "And it's called telepathy. Let's go."

The three of you swam into a cavern. As you entered, the T-sub was floating on the water's surface and although it was extremely damaged, it managed to keep your teammates safe. You nodded to Beast Boy and the other teen and they let you go as you approach the other titans.

Raven asked, "where are we?"

"My place," the mysterious teen answered. "I told the whales to bring you here."

Raven and Starfire both blushed and gave bashful thank yous. You stared at them. Are they… in love with the new guy???, you thought, confused.

Beats Boy seemed angrier than ever. "He saved you?" He yelled, turning back into his human form. "Hel-lo? I was there too, you know."

Cyborg raised an eyebrow. "Were you? Because if anything I remember Aquagirl keeping us from drowning. What, you stopped Trident from kebabbing us with that souped up shrimp fork?"

"Way to go!" Robin said sarcastically. Beast Boy stuttered a response, but the blue teen interrupted.

"Aquagirl, huh? Well, I'm Aqualad. Sorry I didn't introduce myself earlier, we Atlanteans like to keep a low profile."

You shake his hand, now taking in what Aqualad looked like. He was half a foot taller than you, with slicked back hair and black pupils. He wore a bodysuit with blue scales and black accents. He had nice features, but you couldn't figure out why the other girls were drooling over him, so you kept that thought to yourself.

"You're from Atlantis? That's so cool!" You say.

He nodded. "So is Trident." He opens up a hologram from a table in the cavern. "He's the worst criminal in Atlantis, with an ego to match."

He continues a sideshow filled with pictures of the sickly green monster. "Trident claims he's perfect in every way so he thinks he can do whatever he wants."

"Any ideas what he wants to do with all that toxic waste?" Robin asked.

"Whatever it is, it'll be bad for both our worlds. He's already gained some kind of new power. It's like he can be everywhere at once." Aqualad says.

"Noticed that," Raven says sarcastically.

"As long as we're after the same guy, maybe we can help each other." He looks at the six of you.

Your eyes sparkle. "Of co-" you begin, but Beast Boy pushed you out of the way.

"Whoa, hey, no, we're good. Got the whole Trident thing under control. 'Sides, I'm sure there's a school of minnows somewhere that need your--" He rejects Aqualad's offer, much to you and the other's dismay. Robin pulls him back, and the six of you group huddled.

"We're at the bottom of the ocean," Raven notes.

"Our sub is Swiss cheese." Cyborg adds.

"I almost died back there," You say.

"And we cannot breathe water," Starfire mentions.

Robin is the first to break away from the huddle. "We'll take any help you can give us." He says to Aqualad.

Aqualad nods and has some amphibian guy named Tramm fix the T-sub. He turns back to us. "While he's helping you, I'll track down Trident. " He turns to go into the ocean again, but Beast Boy intersects.

"You mean I'll track down Trident," He says, pushing him a little

Aqualad pushes him back a little harder. "That's ok, I can handle it."

"Thanks, but I think I should do this."

"Seriously, I can take care of it!"

The five of you watched as their quarrel turned into an all out brawl, and suddenly you couldn't take it anymore.

"GUYS," You yell, causing a wall of water to shoot up next to them to grab their attention. They both stared at you wide eyed. "Stop. The. Fighting." You say with a stern expression.

"Why don't you two both go track him down together?" Robin offers, but the two teens cross their arms and scoff.

"I usually work alone." Aqualad says.

"Yeah. Me too."

"You do not! You're part of a team!"

"And you hang out with Tramm the fish boy! What's your point?"

"Hey! Arguing isn't going anywhere. Listen, Aquagirl can go with you. That'll make sure you stay on task." Robin commands, and you perk up at the sound of your name. You quickly pulled him aside.

"What the hell man?? They obviously don't like each other, you should have seen how much they fought on the way here!." You argue, and Robin looks at you through his masked eyes.

"You're the only other person who can survive underwater, they're gonna need you. Besides, you're great at handling conflicts; you'll be fine." He says with a smile. You blush a little at his comment, and sighed.

"Alright Rob, you can count on me” You return to the rest of the group and the three of you jump into the ocean.

As you headed towards the bottom of the ocean, you decided to ask Aqualad a question that's been bothering you.

“Hey Aqualad,” you say telepathically. “Before you said that you were able to communicate with sea animals. How come you’re able to communicate with me?”

“I don’t know actually,” Aqualad admits, still swimming next to you. He points to your necklace. “I’m guessing it's because of your necklace.” He stops to examine it. Beast Boy groans and stops as well. It glowed a little in his hand as he read the ancient text off of it.

“The Shell of Poseidon,” He read out loud. “I recognize this from the library in Atlantis. Only Atlanteans can use its powers, so you must be Atlantean then, right?”

“Woah! I’m not Atlantean, I’ve never even been there,” you sputter, absolutely shocked at what the teen said.

“Well, you must have some blood in you,” he shrugged. “Hey, maybe we’re cousins or something.”

You grin. “Aquacousin? I like the sound of that!”

Beast Boy interrupts your moment. “Ok, haha, family is fun and all, but while you were floating around finding out parts of your identity or whatever, I’ve actually found something on my sonar so, try to keep up.” He swims off, leaving you two to follow him. You expected to see the sea monster, but instead came upon a group of dolphins.

“No offense B.B. but these don't look like Trident to me.” you smirk.

Aqualad swims up to the dolphins, focusing on his telepathy. The dolphins swim up together and Aqualad turns to you and Beast Boy.

“They told me where to find Trident. Try to keep up.” He mocks Beast Boy, then swims with the dolphins. You look at Beast Boy, who seemed pretty grumpy, and turn to follow Aqualad.

You tailed behind as the two boys raced each other, Beast Boy turning into various aquatic creatures to catch up with the equally competitive teen. Then you see it. In front of them, Trident swam into view. You and Aqualad stop on instinct, but Beast Boy keeps going.

"Beast Boy! Stop!" You both yell, as he barrels straight towards Trident.

"What's the matter?" He taunts. "Am I too fast for y-"

You winced as you watched him crash into the sea monster and fall to the floor.

"Heh… how's it going," Beast Boy says telepathy to the monster towering over him. Trident growled.

"Keep your thoughts to yourself, you inferior fool!" He pointed his well, trident at beast boy and fires; Beast Boy barely dodges it.

Aqualad tackles Trident and they fall off an underwater ridge.

"Oh no you! This time he's mine!" Beast Boy yells, following Aqualad to the ridge.

"Beast Boy wai-" you yell, but was cut off by something grazing the side of your head. You turn, and see Trident swing his weapon at you. You dodged his next swing, wondering how he was able to get to you right after being attacked by Aqualad. You send him flying across the ocean with your water powers, when you hear Beast Boy yelling. You turn to see Beast Boy in squid form latched onto Aqualad's face. You could see Trident swim away from the corner of your eye as you swam to pull Beast Boy off of Aqualad. Aqualad glares at Beast Boy, his face peppered with red dots from Beast Boy's accidental attack.

“I said, ‘incoming’” he defends himself. Aqualad ignores him and points to another figure swimming into a grotto.

“He’s getting away!” Aqualad swims away, Beast Boy following.

“Wait-” you say, confused. Didn't you just send Trident flying in the other direction? How did he move so quickly? You reluctantly followed your friends into the cavern. You joined them as they observed the two tunnels that split off into two different directions.

“What are we gonna do now?” you think out loud.

“Maybe the question is where were you guys?” Aqualad snaps, turning to the two of you. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion while Beast Boy swims forward to be face to face with Aqualad.

“Where was I? Fighting Trident by myself!” He jabbed a squid tentacle into Aqualads shoulder.

“You barely laid a tentacle on him! At least I managed to break his weapon!”

“Dude, that's just wrong. I so broke that fork thing!”

“BOYS!” you yell. “I also fought Trident and I sent him in the opposite direction, and now he's here. There's something going on…” The two began to think, but then perked their heads up. They then point at opposite tunnels.

“There he goes!” they yell at the same time. You stare at the two of them in even deeper confusion. Beast boy swims up to you, making eye contact.

“I saw him! He's that way! I'm right, he's wrong! End of story!” He crosses his tentacles. Aqualad pushes Beast Boy aside so that you were now staring at his dark pupils.

"I'm telling you, he's this way!"

"GUYS, we can just split up," You say flatly, pinching the bridge of your nose in frustration. "Aqualad I'm sure you can handle yourself, so I'll go with Beast Boy."

"Aw sweet!- Heyyy…" Beast Boy says to your backhanded comment. Aqualad nods and swims off into the tunnel.

You and Beast Boy were alone in the tunnel when you sighed.

"B.B., why do you keep picking fights with Aqualad?" You asked, still looking ahead. Beast Boy turns to you, acting shocked.

"ME??? It's not my fault Mr. Pretty-Boy-Know-It-All keeps showing off!" He whines.

"Dude, he's just trying to help us. Maybe you should-" you were cut off by a loud booming voice.

"Worthless scum! You cannot beat perfection!" Trident bellowed from behind you. You and Beast Boy turned, already in a fighting position.

"How many of you fork things do you have?" He mumbled as you charged forward.

You dodged his energy bolts, Trident in return dodging your attempts to push him farther back. Beast Boy turns into a turtle, pulling his arms and legs inside. Trident threw his weapon and it bounced off of him, flying into you and sending the two of you hurtling through the water.

"I always win!" You hear him say as you regain your stance. Beast Boy turns into a giant crab, grabbing onto Trident's weapon.

"And I thought Aqualad had a big ego!" He yelled telepathically.

"BEAST BOY GET BACK!" You yell. He swiftly let go, and you shot a jet of water towards Trident, sending him flying into a cavern wall. The cavern shakes, and a mass of boulders come crashing down. All you could see was a crushed trident sticking out from under the rocks. You breathed a sigh of relief until you felt a searing pain in your leg. You look and see a burn mark; Trident probably hit you before you buried him in a pile of rocks. Beast Boy looks at you, a worried expression in his eyes (despite being in the form of an ocean animal).

“I’ll be fine,” you grimace. “Let's find a way out first.” You painstakingly swim until you find a cave similar to Aqualads. You drag yourself towards the land as Beast Boy turns back into his human form. Right after you pull yourself up, you see Aqualad jump out of the water. He sees the two of you, and runs to meet up with you. He and Beast Boy begin to talk at the same time.

“ I just saw Trident!... No, you didn't!... Yes, I did! Cut it out!”

“I don’t care what you say! I fought Trident!” Beast Boy yelled, a vein nearly jumping out of his forehead.

"That's impossible!" Aqualad counters, his fists clenched so tight you thought you saw blood.

They both seemed to be prepared to fight each other. You jumped in between them, holding both their heads back as they flail their arms, trying to get a hit at each other.

"You know," You begin, silencing the two boys. "When Robin asked me to join you guys, I didn't want to. You two are heroes that just met each other and you were already fighting! But he told me that I could handle it and he's right! I can handle the both of you; but it seems to me that you guys can't handle each other. So here's what's gonna happen: I'm gonna heal myself because oh right! I got BURNT and you two are gonna talk it out." You let go of the boys, and they watched as you limped over to the edge of the water, plopped yourself down, and started pulling the ocean water to your leg. You listened in a little as you concentrated the water on your leg. It only took a few seconds to heal your burn, it was only surface level and you had gotten better at using your healing powers. They were still talking as you noticed what was in front of you: hundreds of Trident clones and yellow Trident capsules-eggs attached to the ceiling.

"Uh guys…" you say, rejoining them, but they had seen it too.

"One Trident is bad…" Aqualad says.

"... but this is…" Beast Boy adds.

"... an entire …" You say.

"...ARMY!" One of the tridents finishes your thought.

They all charge, and the three of you brace or impact. You raise your arms and a wave of water takes out a small group of the monster clones. You dodge their attacks, shooting jets of water at their heads. You see Beast Boy get flung into a machine, and an egg hatching sequence begins on the screen. You regroup with the other boys in front of the machine.

"Oops," Beast Boy said sheepishly.

"Great," Aqualad groaned as the clones began to close in.

"We need a plan," You mumble.

A group of the clones began to speak.

"My brilliant plan is already a success"

"If one of me was perfect…"

"Why not make more?"

"You can never have too much of a good thing"

"Once my army conquers Atlantis…"

"I will declare war on the surface world! Everyone on the planet will bow down before me"

"And praise my perfection!"

Aqualad whispers to the both of you as the clones cheer. "Any bright ideas?"

Beast Boy whispered back. "Just one. Try to keep up." He turned to the clones. "So if you're all perfect, which one of you is the best?" He asked.

One of the tridents answered. "I am!... Huh?"

As soon as you understood what Beast Boy was doing, you grinned. Aqualad stepped up.

"Come on. You can't all be the best." He says.

"One of you must be better than the others," You add.

One of the tridents step forward. "I am the original!I am the best!"

"You are not the original"

"I am!" Multiple tridents yell at once.

"Nonsense you inferior fools! I am perfect! I am Trident! "

You watch in amusement as the clones turn on each other and the fight turns into a full on brawl. The fight eventually ends, and all the tridents laid on the ground, defeated. Aqualad turns to Beast Boy.

"Great idea," He says. You noticed that there were no hints of sarcasm in his voice. Whatever they said to each other earlier must have made them work better together, you figured.

"Kinda got it from you," Beast Boy says."Now we just have to stop those from hatching." He points to the yellow pod filled ceiling. Right as he said that, the screen on the machine behind you hit 0 on the timer and the word "begin" flashed on the screen.

"Too late!" The three of you yelled at the same time. New Trident clones were breaking through their membrane "eggs". Beast Boy instinctively turns into a hippopotamus and tramples the crowd, creating a path to the ocean. You and Aqualad sprint behind Beast Boy, dodging the clones' outstretched arms. You all dive into the water, the Tridents close behind.

"We can't let them escape! We need to find some way of sealing the exit!" Aqualad yells telepathically.

"Right now, I'm just worried about getting to the exit." Beast Boy replies. You didn't look back, but you could feel the clones closing in. As you got closer to the exit you saw a familiar looking silhouette.

"The T-sub!" You exclaimed as you swam out of the cave. The clones stop in their tracks in confusion.

"Huh?" You hear one of them say.

You moved out of the way as the sub sent beams towards the entrance of the cave. The Blast caused a pile of rubble to fall, blocking the exit. You smile at your team who's cheering (along with Aqualad’s friend Tramm) inside their pods. The three of you turn bad to observe the T-sub’s work.

“Good thing Trident likes himself so much, 'cause I'm thinking he won't see anybody else for a looong time.” Beast Boy says.

You find yourself on the surface again, on the shore of the Titan’s Tower. Raven and Starfire both continue to look at Aqualad with heart eyes as Robin steps forward.

“Consider yourself an honorary titan” he says with a smile, holding out a familiar black and yellow communicator for him to take. “We couldn't have done it without you. Thanks.”

“Right back at you. It's good to know there's people up here I can trust.” Aqualad looks at you and Beast boy. He says goodbye to Raven and Starfire, who blushingly say it back. He then turns to Beast Boy.

“What can I say, dude? You're the best.” Beast Boy says.

“Nah. You're the best.”

“Yeah, you're right. And if you ever want me to prove it, I'm always up for a race.”

“Just try and keep up.” Aqualad laughs, patting his head. He finally turned to you.

“Aquagirl, it's been really nice to meet you. Next time you’re near Atlantis, give me a call and I’ll show you around. There's so much to show you,” he stretched out his hand for a handshake, but you pulled him in for a hug. He was surprised at your gesture, but soon returned it. Raven and Starfire looked at you with pure envy as you pulled back with a smile.

“I’ll take your word for it, Aquacousin” you say, making a reference to your nickname for him earlier. He laughs, then waves goodbye. The six of you wave back as he swims back into the ocean. Robin gently put his hand on your shoulder.

“You did a great job today Aquagirl. I knew I could count on you.”

“You know you can always count on me, dude.” you say with a smile. “Now I’m kinda hungry. Anyone up for pizza?”

[magnetic-rose]

Why Spones is a top-tier ship

AKA “the inherent homoeroticism of annoying the shit out of your co-worker.”

Spock and McCoy have a complicated relationship. A lot of their bickering and ideological differences lead fans to believe that they hate each other, but that’s an over-simplification of the truth. The reality is that Spock and McCoy are extremely close friends who care about each other deeply. Though sometimes their bickering turns serious during stressful situations, for the most time they seem to enjoy the banter. A common mischaracterization of their relationship seems to put McCoy as the bully and Spock as the victim. In truth, there are many times where Spock will say something specifically to get a rise out of McCoy. They fight. That’s how they show affection, not disdain. In fact, one could argue that some of their bantering have a flirtatious tone to it.

Kirk: Mister Spock, regaining eyesight would be an emotional experience for most. You, I assume, felt nothing.

Spock: On the contrary Captain. I had a very strong reaction. My first sight was the face of Doctor McCoy bending over me.

McCoy: ‘Tis a pity brief blindness didn’t increase your appreciation for beauty, Spock. (Operation -- Annihilate!)

Spock is a half-Vulcan, half-Human who has mostly chosen to follow his Vulcan heritage. As such, he is a being of almost pure logic. The truth about Vulcans are that they are secretly beings who feel things very deeply and intensely, and they feel the need to keep a tight lid on their emotions as to not succumb to them. McCoy, on the other hand, is a regular human. He’s a deeply emotional man who cares about others. One could argue that McCoy is almost too empathetic, as he lets his emotions rule him. Spock and McCoy are polar opposites; the brain and the heart, the logic and the emotion, the super-ego and the id.

Despite these differences, the two men are similar in a lot of ways. They’re both men of science, men of peace, and they both care very deeply for their Captain. They’re both self-sacrificing morons, to the chagrin of the other. Spock will prioritize McCoy’s life even when both of them know it’s not the logical choice to do so. Likewise, McCoy will take a hit for Spock even when they both know the Vulcan is stronger and better equipped to deal with pain than the doctor.

Spock: (In the middle of a blizzard) In this severe cold, we cannot survive much longer.

McCoy: Leave me here, Spock.

Spock: We go together or not at all.

McCoy: Don’t be a fool. My hands and face are frostbitten. I can’t feel my feet. Alone, you have a chance. Now do what I say. Go try to find Jim.

Spock: We go together! (All of Yesterdays)

In the episode, “The Empath,” Kirk, Spock and McCoy have to choose someone to be offered as sacrifice to be tortured by a group of aliens. Kirk obviously volunteers, but gets put to sleep by McCoy with a tranquilizer. Spock then states that he’ll offer himself up, as he has the higher chance of surviving the torture. McCoy then proceeds to sedate Spock as well, and sacrifices himself to be tortured by the aliens.

Spock: While the captain is asleep, I am in command. When the Vians return, I shall go with them.

McCoy: You mean, if I hadn't given him that shot

Spock: Precisely. The choice would have been the captain's. Now it is mine.

(McCoy turns away. Spock sits to carry on working. Gem puts her hand on Spock's shoulder, and smiles. McCoy comes up behind him and gives him an injection.)

Spock: Your action is highly unethical. My decision stands. (Spock falls asleep next to Kirk.)

McCoy: Not this time, Spock.

Underneath all the fighting and disagreements, there is a deep caring between Spock and McCoy that manifests itself into protectiveness towards each other. In “All of Yesterdays,” Spock is constantly showing concern for McCoy after he almost died of hypothermia. In aftermath of McCoy’s torture in “The Empath,” Spock is seen hovering over his body and caressing his face, worry written into his features. On the other hand, while McCoy constantly makes fun of Spock for his lack of emotions, he’s also highly aware of the Vulcan’s mental state and protective of it when others threaten to shatter his resilience.

McCoy: He's a Vulcan. You can't force emotion out of him.

Philana: You must be joking, Doctor.

McCoy: You'll destroy him.

Parmen: We can't let him die laughing, can we?

McCoy: (Watching as Spock starts to cry) I beg you! (Plato’s Stepchildren)

The episode “Amok Time” also demonstrates McCoy’s perceptiveness of Spock and Spock’s true feelings of friendship towards McCoy. McCoy is in fact the first person to notice that something is wrong with Spock:

McCoy: Oh, captain. Got a minute? It's Spock. Have you noticed anything strange about him?

Kirk: No, nothing in particular. Why ?

McCoy: Well, it's nothing I can pinpoint without an examination, but he's become increasingly restive. If he were not a Vulcan, I'd almost say nervous. And for another thing, he's avoiding food. I checked and he hasn't eaten at all in three days.

Kirk: That just sounds like Mister Spock in one of his contemplative phases.

Kirk doesn’t notice anything wrong with Spock, and initially dismisses McCoy’s concern, but McCoy immediately picked up on Spock’s mental turmoil. Despite his cantankerousness, McCoy not only cares about Spock but goes out of his way to look out for his mental state. Part of it might be because he’s his doctor, but how many doctors go so far as to monitor someone’s eating habits because they notice that person’s suddenly being fidgety? On Spock’s end, when it comes time for him to beam down to Vulcan to complete his marriage ceremony, he specifically asks for McCoy to be there:

Spock: By tradition, the male is accompanied by his closest friends.

Kirk: Thank you, Mister Spock.

Spock: I also request McCoy accompany me.

McCoy: I shall be honoured, sir.

One episode I find extremely fascinating in terms of McCoy/Spock moments is “Mirror, Mirror.” In this famous episode, half of the Enterprise crew get transported into an alternate universe dubbed The Mirror Verse, in which evil versions of the characters exist and terrorize space as a fearsome military force. McCoy is part of the team that gets transported in the Mirror Verse, while Spock stays in their regular universe. Mirror Spock immediately realizes that half of the crew, including Kirk and McCoy, are acting strangely. When he corners Kirk to question him, he does so by threatening McCoy: “I shall not waste time with you. You’re too inflexible, too disciplined, once you’ve made up your mind. But Doctor McCoy has a plenitude of human weaknesses, sentimental, soft. You may not tell me what I want to know, but he will.” This Spock seems to have a intimate knowledge of McCoy’s mind.  When the party decides to attack Mirror Spock, he fights all of them except for Uhura and McCoy, who he simply pushes out of harm’s way.

When Mirror Spock gets hurt as the crew is trying to escape back to their own universe, McCoy is suddenly unable to leave his side. Kirk allows him to stay to nurse Spock back to health, and McCoy risks almost staying in the Mirror Verse forever for him. When Mirror Spock awakes, he backs McCoy into a wall and initiates a forced mind meld onto the doctor. The next scene has Mirror Spock holding a disoriented McCoy up and bringing him back to his crew; he now understands what is happening and he wants his regular crew back, and thus he allows Kirk and company to make the switch back to their own universe.

Other Star Trek properties have gone more in depth on how a forced mind meld can be extremely traumatizing on the person receiving it. Star Trek: Enterprise has an entire story arc dedicated to the Vulcan T’Pol trying to heal from a forced mind meld. Unfortunately, because the nature of TOS episodes were episodic, we never got the chance to explore the emotional fallout of McCoy’s forced mind meld and how that might have affected his relationship with Spock. The franchise also never went in depth on Mirror McCoy outside of what Mirror Spock speaks of him, since Mirror McCoy died of xenopolycythemia in 2269.

Closing the list of evidence of Spock and McCoy’s affections towards each other are the Star Trek movies “The Wrath of Khan” and “The Search for Spock.” Towards the end of Wrath of Khan, Spock sacrifices himself to save The Enterprise in one of the franchises most heart-wrenching scenes. Moments before his sacrifice, he knocks McCoy unconscious, touches his face and whispers “remember.” What happened in this scene was that Spock, knowing he was about to die, transferred his Katra to McCoy. The katra being the Vulcan equivalent of a soul. This speaks to the amount of trust that Spock has in McCoy. For someone who keeps most of his emotions under a tight lid, it’s a huge gesture to entrust another with the essence of their entire being. The next movie, The Search for Spock, is a journey as the Enterprise crew fight to return to Vulcan so they can reunite Spock with his body. When they finally arrive, the Vulcans warn McCoy that the process is extremely dangerous and could even result in his death. McCoy calmly replies that he “chooses the danger.” He cannot fathom living his life without Spock.

McCoy: (Speaking to Spock) I'm going to tell you something that I... I never thought I'd hear myself say...But it seems I've missed you. I don't know if I could stand to lose you again.

So in conclusion, Spock and McCoy have a rich and complex relationship that is much more than simply just “they dislike each other because they bicker a lot.” Their bickering is more akin to that of an old married couple. There are plenty of examples not even included in this post of how deeply they care for each other. Despite their ideological differences, they balance each other out quite nicely. McCoy is finely attuned to Spock’s emotions, arguably better than anyone else on the ship. Spock in turn is protective and gentle with McCoy. Once you stop looking at their interactions solely on the surface level, you’ll be able to see the tenderness and years of love and friendship between them. This is why I think Spock/McCoy is one of the most underrated and misunderstood relationships of TOS. Don’t let the constant arguing fool you into believing these two dummies don’t adore each other.

Shout-out to Tempest for their extremely lengthy ship manifesto on Spones called “Spiced Peaches,” which goes even more in depth on why Spones is a great couple. Using their manifesto as a reference was key to remembering Spock/McCoy moments. Also shout-out to the site chakoteya for having full transcripts of TOS episodes, so I could easily find quotes for this. If you’ve come this far, thanks for reading!

[potteresque-ire]

This post is Part 5 of the five-part meta series on the Zhang Zhehan (張哲瀚) Incident, based on what has transpired up to 2021/08/22.

1) The 2nd Sino-Japanese War (1937-45) & the Yasukuni Shrine 2) Post-War Sino-Japanese Relations; “Every Chinese should visit the Yasukuni Shrine” 3) The Summer of 2021: The Brewing Storms for One 4) My Thoughts on Zhang’s Incident, Part A 5) My Thoughts on Zhang’s Incident, Part B

5) My Thoughts on Zhang’s Incident, Part B

As a highlight to the mob nature leading to Zhang’s downfall, please consider the timeline immediately before and after Zhang’s losing his endorsements on August 13th (or, why August 13th really mattered):

August 12th, evening: Zhang’s 2019 attendance of a wedding at the Nogi Shrine (乃木神社) went on Weibo hot search, and into public awareness. The Nogi Shrine (乃木神社) is of far less fame than the Yasukuni Shrine, but was named after a Japanese general of the Imperialist Japanese Army who was also the governor-general of then colonial Taiwan.

August 13th, ~ 2 am: netizens uncovered photos of Zhang’s 2018 visit to the Yasukuni Shrine, which were spread onto Weibo and made the hot search.

August 13th, 1:39 pm: Zhang posted his first letter of apology that began with: “Today, I’m ashamed of my once ignorant self, and furthermore, wants to apologise deeply for my past inappropriate behaviour.” (今天我為曾經無知的自己而羞愧，更要對之前不當行為深刻地道歉。)

August 13th, 2 pm: Nabuo Kishi, Japan’s current Minister of Defence, and a right-wing member of the House of Representative, Yasutoshi Nishimura, made an un-announced visit to the Yasukuni Shrine. The date was 2 days earlier than the 76th anniversary of Emperor Hirohito’s surrender speech (August 15th), as customary for Japanese officials to avoid visiting the shrine on significant anniversary dates of the war.

August 13th, 4:39 pm: People’s Daily (人民日報) published an online critique of Zhang’s apology. “… As a public figure, to be so lacking in historical knowledge, so unfeeling towards the suffering of the nation, it’s too inappropriate. On matters of righteousness of the nation, testing is not permissible, challenges are definitely not permissible. If knowingly committed, one would pay a heavy price.”  (。。。身為公眾人物，對歷史常識如此匱乏，對民族苦難渾然不覺，太不應該。事關民族大義，不容任何試探，更不容有任何挑戰。若明知故犯，就得付出沈重代價。)

August 13th, 5:05 pm: CCTV News (央視新聞) posted the video of Nabuo Kishi’s visit to the Yasukuni Shrine.

August 13th, 5:33: Zhang was dropped from his first endorsement. He would be dropped by all 27 of them within the next 5 hours.

August 13th, 5:35 pm: Zhang responded to People’s Daily’s critique piece, stating he shall repent and learn his lesson, and that as a Chinese, he loves his country and the CCP.

August 13th, ~6 pm: S. Korean news reported that the Korean Ministry of Foreign Affairs had summoned the Japanese ambassador in Korea to protest the visit of the Japanese Defence Minister to the Yasukuni Shrine.

August 13th, 6:26 pm: CCTV News (央視新聞) critiqued Zhang’s apology. “Whether to take photos in front of the Yasukuni Shrine, or to attend a wedding at the Nogi Shrine, Zhang Zhehan touched the wounds of history, hurt the feelings of the nation. It cannot be blamed on “once ignorance.” Just now, a Japanese Minister went to the Yasukuni Shrine for “demon worshipping” (Pie note: demon, from guizi 鬼子), China firmly opposes to this wrongdoing of Japanese high officials…” (無論在靖國神社前合影，還是到乃木神社參加婚禮，張哲瀚都觸碰了歷史傷痕，傷害了民族感情，不能簡單歸咎為「曾經無知」。就在剛剛，有日本大臣到靖國神社「拜鬼」，中方堅決反對日本政要這種錯誤做法。。。)

August 13th, 9 pm: China’s Ministry of National Defence answered press questions regarding the Yasukuni Shrine visit by Nabuo Kishi and Yasutoshi Nishimura.

Not only did Zhang’s incident happened in August, 2021, it happened on pretty much the worst day for him in August, 2021; the latest of his incident interleaved the unfolding news of the Japanese high officials’ visit to the Yasukuni Shrine.

What I’d like to call attention to, however, is this: Zhang’s endorsements didn’t begin dropping until *after* People’s Daily criticism.

If the companies had been genuinely offended by Zhang’s action, why was the wait necessary? If their Chinese feelings were genuinely hurt, why hadn’t they moved earlier, in the morning of August 13th, when Zhang’s visit went on hot search? Were these companies also ignorant about history, the significance of the the Yasukuni Shrine? The Chinese government has far more important things to worry about than an idol, but what about these companies that had paid good money for their spokesperson? That watch the public opinion, the market carefully?

Even if they didn’t care about the war themselves, why hadn’t they dropped Zhang based on the expected public opinion? What does that say about what these market experts believed, or knew about the public opinion? What does that say about their assessment of whether their potential customers would, as their actual selves, stop spending money on their products because of Zhang’s Yasukuni Shrine visit?

Were the act of dropping Zhang, then, more an act of performative patriotism than anything else? Once the first company started, the rest raced to follow for fear of being the slowest one, viewed as the least patriotic one. Hence, the 5-hour storm of endorsements abandoning Zhang. This herd ... mob behaviour, in which actions were either not taken or all taken at the same time, was also observed in the timing of different online platforms removing Zhang’s works, and fandom content with his name.

A “bingo card” for netizens to cross out Zhang’s endorsements as the sequential drops happened. Similar cards for Kris Wu had circulated in July. 

Were WoH and Zhang’s other group projects removed because Zhang was unpatriotic, or was it because the online platforms (and the tech giants behind them) were trying to protect themselves? Youku explained WoH’s first-time removal as a technical glitch but then, as reports of other platforms removing Zhang’s content poured in, the series was removed again.  

How much is real when it comes to the thunderous online declarations of love and betrayal against China? 

Related to this: turtles may remember the Xinjiang cotton incident in March, 2021, how Chinese netizens harassed anyone who used, endorsed Nike. One may assume, with that outcry, that rage, that anyone with a reputation to keep, with ties to the Chinese state, in particular, have severed their ties with the brand.

As it turns out, the teams of the Chinese Super (Football) League, for example, have kept their Nike kits. The Chinese Football Association (CFA), which, despite being officially non-governmental and nonprofit, is managed by the State General Administration of Sports (國家體育總局), issued a statement on March 27th on Weibo that only criticised Nike’s “wrong actions in choosing its cotton source” (對耐克公司在棉花原料選擇上的錯誤行徑表達了譴責), and reserved “its right to further deal with  contract with Nike” (保留進一步處理同耐克合同的權力). It never cut off the contract with Nike: a 10-year sponsorship,  signed in 2018, which amounts to 3 million RMB (463,000 USD) in funds from Nike for each football club every year. The CFA statement was later removed from Weibo. Photos of the football players have simply had the Nike Swoosh covered up, or photoshopped away. 

Photos from the Shanghai Shenhua football club, with and without the swoosh (Source).

Life is practical in China … and darkly humorous, at times. As a Mao-founded regime should be, perhaps.

I got Asks wondering then: will our non-Zhang-related favourite stars and CPs, dramas and fandoms get affected by the incident?

At the moment, my guess leans towards a no. My basis is this: in the critique piece against Zhang, published on 2021/08/16, by 中纪委 Central Commission for Discipline Inspection—the CCDI, by the way, is the highest anti-corruption, rules and regulations body in China—I believe the reason Zhang was disciplined was clearly stated:

對於所有「拜鬼」行為，中國都堅決反對。但如果我們國內的公眾人物去靖國神社都不被譴責和追究，我們又怎麼挺直腰桿要求外國人不去呢？

“Regarding all “demon worship” behaviour, China holds firm oppositions. But if our own public figures going to the Yasukuni Shrine get no reprimands, no investigations of responsibility, how can we straighten our backs and demand foreigners to not go?”

This has led me to think the state has no ulterior motives in targeting Zhang: Zhang’s “sin” was limited to his visiting the Yasukuni Shrine as a well-known, public figure, and/but that was enough. And the punishment had to be given in a heavy-handed, high profile manner, given the “news “of Zhang’s visit broke out on August 13, 2021. The following observation may be my being over-sensitive, but in the timeline above, Zhang was reprimanded, and his first round of the punishment in full swing (dropping of endorsements), before the China’s Ministry of National Defence talked to the press, which happened later than it had to be (compare the timing with S. Korea’s). Short of removing Zhang’s hot searches—which netizens would’ve noticed—this ordering of events was necessary; otherwise, the Chinese government issuing a formal complaint against Japan for their Minister of Defence’s visit to the shrine would’ve co-existed on the hot search with the report of China’s own celebrity visiting the same place. I therefore believe the state’s reaction had nothing to do with how Zhang achieved his fame, the past and present projects he was involved in, the CPs he was coupled with. Other state agencies and media would likely be careful about not attaching these topics to Zhang’s case as well, so not to distract from the central message of the government that … the Japanese are very bad people in the summer of 2021.

(Whether they’ll attach them to the Clear and Bright campaign is another matter.) 

Another Ask ~ Will Zhang be able to make a comeback? In five years? Ten?

Looking that far ahead is difficult, but one thing has to happen for Zhang to return—the Japanese have to stop being very bad people according to the Chinese government, which isn’t likely to happen soon. The Japanese government has shown few signs that they shall soon revise their attitudes towards their World War II history  (Yasutoshi Nishimura, who went to the Shrine with Japan’s Minister of Defence on August 13th, is associated with a historical revisionist group), while China’s escalating military aggression in the Indo-Pacific region will be seen as a growing threat to Japan, likely push the country towards the right. 

And 5, 10 years later, Zhang will be 35, 40 years old. Even if he’ll be able to work in the industry again, it’ll be difficult for him to achieve the fame he has before. Also, just because the government no longer bans him doesn’t mean production companies will be willing to hire him; he’ll be considered high risk—policies of China are volatile, after all, and the decision to un-ban can be easily reversed.

(I’m so sorry, Anon, I wish I have a better answer for you.)

And... here’s a thought I’ll finally end this meta series with. I don’t see Zhang as the only loser in this incident. I don’t really see any winners in this incident at all. An industry is dangerous for its every worker if its narrative, its list of guilty is penned by cyber mobs and in the name of patriotism; if the accused cannot speak for themselves, aren’t allowed to grow; if its rules of appropriate conduct are every-changing (The Reporter in 2017 = OK; Zhang in 2018 = Not OK); if its workers are penalised not by their own deeds but their associations (the rest of the cast and production team of WoH and other Zhang-associated projects).

The think tank for the National Ratio and Television Authority (國家廣播電視總局; NRTA, ie, the Chinese visual media censorship board), in their criticism piece about Zhang, hinted at even rougher waters ahead, in light of Zhang’s (and Kris Wu’s) transgressions:

明星頻頻「犯事」，說到底還是行業內對明星藝德約束不夠嚴格。據瞭解，電影行業正在籌備全國電影界道德委員會，將對電影從業人員道德規範提出更高要求，並提出，要將明星藝德納入法治化的軌道中來，給明星藝德約束加一道法規之鎖，明確明星的責任和義務，將明星的個人行為與職業利益掛鈎。 “The ultimate cause of stars “getting into trouble” frequently is that the industry has not tied a sufficiently severe bind on the stars’ artistic virtue (Pie note: roughly, = professional ethics). Based on reports, the film industry is preparing a National Film Industry Morality Committee that shall raise the moral requirements for film industry workers. The industry has also suggested that the stars’ artistic virtue shall eventually be governed by laws, to add a lock of legality to the bind of artistic virtues for the stars, to make clear the stars’ responsibilities and obligations, to couple a star’s personal behaviour with their professional (monetary) gains.”

My interpretation of this: should the suggestions become reality, it shall be written in future film contracts that a star who commits an act that the state considers immoral will have to pay the investors the production cost of their projects, and possibly, the projected profit. 

To put some dollar signs to this interpretation: a high-profile star may work on one or more projects with a price tag in the order of 100 million RMB (~15 million USD); box office, merchandise sells, and long term profits expected from online streaming can raise that number by several fold. This is a sum that even the most affluent stars will have a difficult time affording—and that’s before considering the endorsements, for which current contracts already require the stars to pay the damages.

The key word here is that the offending act only has to be considered immoral, not criminal. Immoral acts range from not liking the CCP enough—an easy-to-understand offence—to deviation from the society’s 公序良俗 (“public order and fine customs”), which includes just about anything that disagrees with the state-defined mainstream values.

Stars are stars because they invite the imaginations of their audience, because they break boundaries: from the seemingly insurmountable humdrum of daily life, to something that can be much, much more.

Stars should, of course, be law-abiding; they should be patriotic. But a star who’s mainstream in every way? Are they still a star, something we regular people wonder about, dream upon?

Bind and lock, the NRTA think tank referred to these suggestions. It reminders me of a quote by the famous Chinese director, Feng Xiaogang (馮小剛), who, in 2014, complained to BBC—perhaps in a slip of tongue—that Chinese directors could be like “dancing with fetters” (戴著腳鐐去跳舞) when working with the country’s censorship system.

Yeah. It’s kinda like that.

===

The Zhang Zhehan Incident Meta Series:

PART 1  PART 2 PART 3 PART 4 PART 5 <- YOU ARE HERE

[captnjacksparrow]

I wish people would stop caring about the canon pairings and marriages in Naruto/Boruto because they should have absolutely no relevance for SNS shippers in terms of validating said ship. Those who say we are delusional because “Well, Naruto married Hinata so she is THE one he loves!” (I'll focus more on Naruto's marriage here... Is Sasuke's even a marriage?) simply don’t get that it just doesn't really matter who Naruto and Sasuke married because that in no way diminishes their feelings for each other. The main plot of the series revolves around the bond between Naruto and Sasuke. It is their story. They are each other's most important people and this was established back in Land of Waves arc even before the dramatic events that take place on the bridge - the whole point of that very first arc was making this a fact right from the beginning, because the story has always been and was always supposed to be about the two of them and the profound love and understanding that grows between them ever since they exchanged glances, smiles and pouts as lonely little broken kids. No reason to list all proof of their feelings and bond here, it has been done extensively, and if somebody watched the show/read the manga and missed it, they are missing half a brain. That these boys love each other more than anyone else is absolutely obvious.

So what about the canon pairings? Kishimoto stated time and time again that his focus was never romance, and that is not because he can't write romance as we know it (he clearly did), but it’s a matter of concept: what HE considers romance is the attraction that unites people with the purpose of marriage (confessing your romantic love for japanese people is the same as saying you want to be in a relationship, because feelings shouldn’t be voiced without an intention), and that, to him, is NOT the greatest expression of love, nor does it represent the most special bond two people can share.

It is understandable that westerners put so much weight into marriage because we consider it the epitome of love. Well, the truth is marriage in Japanese culture is mainly the only socially admissible means to have children and has very little to do with romantic love. In fact, in Japanese literature, it is much more common for unmarried couples to love each other than married ones. Obviously, there is no absolute truth when it comes to feelings and human relationships, what I'm doing here is generalising social norms and expectations (not exposing my opinion on them - that would turn this rant into something else entirely). A large number of Japanese marriages are loveless (and arranged, but no point getting into that either) and what motivates choosing a spouse is their ability to fulfill familial duties, meaning: is the woman good mother and consequently wife material? Is she going to devote her life to taking care of her children, house and husband, the noblest of acts for a female? Is the man willing and capable of putting his occupation above everything else, working extremely hard and for long hours, with total dedication and diligence for his job, to the point of not even seeing his family most of the time, as an honorable man should do as a provider? That's what makes a GOOD married couple: two people following their expected and strict gender-roles in a nuclear child-centered family (again, please, this is not MY opinion!). What a Japanese man should want in a woman is for her to be a dedicated housewife and mother, since having children outside of marriage is not only frowned upon, it is not acceptable at all, and not being married with children is not respectable enough (same with being divorced). Marriage is, therefore, NOT a symbol of undying love and a deep and special connection between two people, rather, it’s a partnership established with the goal of having and raising children.

Do these descriptions ring any bells?

In conclusion: the pairings were, in fact, created for the sole purpose of bringing forth the next generation, and that was made CANONICALLY true. Would it have been better if they hadn’t gone down that "safe" route? Hell, yeah! It would have been fucking amazing and could even have been groundbraking, for several reasons. BUT as unsatisfying as it may be, the fact is they chose a very TRADITIONAL depiction of marriage that has little to do with feelings, and that in itself shouldn’t be taken lightly, since it leaves the strongest bond, which is grounded on genuine love, untouched. In this scenario, justifying romantic love through marriage alone won’t cut it, and trying to discredit the obvious unmatched connection and feelings between two characters because they never got married to each other or married someone else is ludicrous. Yeah, a married couple can love each other deeply and above anyone else, but that is just not what marriage is ABOUT in Japanese culture and definitely not what Kishimoto wanted us to believe was the case here after dedicating 699 chapters to a story about the special bond between two boys that didn’t culminate in marriage. 

You know what IS a symbol of romantic love in Japan? Being willing to die together when the love you feel goes against your moral obligations, holding on to the belief that you will be reunited in the afterlife, where you will be free of any burden and able to love freely.

Are more bells being rung?! 

Oh, some bonus info: We also tend to associate sex with romantic love. Well, Japanese married couples with children rarely have sex, if at all. After a woman becomes a mother, she is no longer considered sexually desirable and becomes a mother figure to her husband as well (what happened to Hinata’s big "attributes" in Boruto? Huh). This is especially true when couples sleep in separate rooms and the mother shares a bed with her children. (Hinata co-sleeps with Himawari and we know Naruto sleeps in a separate room. Just saying.)

What's your say?

Is Sasuke's even a marriage?

Geezz!!!! LoLLLLL!!!! This sentence just made me cackle so hard for a good 5 minutes, Anon!!!!!

Hmmm.... So let's get back to your ask.

Well, I don't know how to react to this ask, Anon. Because, I don't know whether you are from Japan or you have a very close Japanese friend who might've told you all these cultural thing about marriage and relationships.

So, what I am going to do is to analyze from the facts you have provided , combine with my own cultural relevance and provide my answer. If there is any Japanese readers who are reading this, you can confirm or dispel this by sending me an ask. But again, I don't want exceptional case like, 'No, my family is different'. I want to know about the general lifestyle of a common citizen and their married life.

Having said that, this ask made me just yell at myself, 'Goshh!!!! Seriously???'

Because whatever you said, It fucking exist in my country too and is still followed by almost 70% of people in my country and I absolutely detest it. That is,

Most of the marriages here are loveless nd arranged - Check

Is the woman good mother and consequently wife material? Is she going to devote her life to taking care of her children, house and husband, the noblest of acts for a female? - Check

People following their expected and strict gender-roles in a nuclear child-centered family - Check Check

What a man should want in a woman is for her to be a dedicated housewife and mother, since having children outside of marriage is not only frowned upon, it is not acceptable at all, and not being married with children is not respectable enough (same with being divorced). - Check Check

Marriage is, therefore, NOT a symbol of undying love and a deep and special connection between two people, rather, it’s a partnership established with the goal of having and raising children. - Awww!!! A million Check.

That's why I was envious of Western people in this aspect, because they have a freedom to choose their own partner without any time constraints and when they do, their marriage can be said to be 'The Epitome of Love'.

My parents marriage is also an arranged one. And whenever they have disagreement and that leads to verbal war, they let out this words, 'I'm here with you because of my 2 daughters otherwise I would've left you long back'. So... Yeah. Here, most of the marriages are child-centered. Again, it's not just my opinion. Majority of the arranged marriage based family revolve around their child.

And I was born, a year after my parents' marriage, and If I hadn't been born, then people will question my parent's fertility factor and start to discriminate them. So, I can boldly claim that, I was not born out of Love or something. I was born because of social obligations.

But it doesn't mean, my parents don't love each other now. How should I say???? It's like a Stockholm Syndrome??!!!! Like when you stay with a person for a long time, you will eventually start to develop some feelings over the course of the time. It took them 15 years to come to a complete understanding of each other. It's the same case with many couples here.

Considering all these, Sasuke never even stayed with Sakura enough to make her understand him, So I wonder what kind of couple are they????? Weird!!!!!

In conclusion: the pairings were, in fact, created for the sole purpose of bringing forth the next generation, and that was made CANONICALLY true.

Awww!!!! Man, Seriously???? I made this claim long back in this post where I said, these women were used as a tool to bring out Next Generation Kids. My claim was based on Analytical Perspective.

And then one of the rabid SS stan reblogged my post and pulled out a hetero card stating, 'They are married and blah blahh...' when in reality, I never discussed about their sexuality in that post. That post was purely based on the number of pages each hetero couples shared with each other against the number of pages Sasuke & Naruto shared together.

Now, you have provided a cultural perspective for those shitty canon pairings.

On one side, I feel the need to smirk, because I am right.

But on the other side, I feel bad like, 'Is this how, this show must go on?? What are you trying to convey from this?'.

You know what IS a symbol of romantic love in Japan? Being willing to die together when the love you feel goes against your moral obligations, holding on to the belief that you will be reunited in the afterlife, where you will be free of any burden and able to love freely.

Hmmm.... It's interesting to know this. Anon.

This is where it differs slightly in my country.

Romantic love here is,

No matter what happens, I'll stand with you, You are just not alone. I will leave my fucking clan, parents, relatives if they don't approve you and we will start a new life somewhere.

[[Here, marriages happen mostly between their clan members. If you love a person from another clan, you will be ostracized or tortured or honour killed by your very parents. It just differs from clan to clan. I was subjected to this same problem and that's why I hate my Clan and left my parents. And this is also one of the reason why I love Itachi. Because we share similar Ideals. That is, Not to be obsessed over your clan and think beyond this restriction.

Also, here in Asian Culture if someone is willing to leave their family (when they don’t approve you) and prefer you over everything.... It means.... that's some Love beyond Comprehension. Just like how Naruto was willing to leave his Family (like Sakura and Kakashi) and like to stand with Sasuke... Just like how Naruto was willing to leave his own family and go on a long mission with Sasuke]]

So does it remind you of anything?????

It's the whole SNS dynamics starting from their childhood to VoTE2. That's why I started to ship SNS, because it represents the true love we always wish for.

Would it have been better if they hadn’t gone down that "safe" route? Hell, yeah! It would have been fucking amazing and could even have been groundbraking, for several reasons. BUT as unsatisfying as it may be, the fact is they chose a very TRADITIONAL depiction of marriage that has little to do with feelings, and that in itself shouldn’t be taken lightly, since it leaves the strongest bond, which is grounded on genuine love, untouched. In this scenario, justifying romantic love through marriage alone won’t cut it

This is very true, Anon.

I mean, they don’t even have to take a groundbreaking route. 

They should have given everyone an open ending, just like Kishi left at chapter 699. What is the need of a marriage, if Naruto is going to adopt Kawaki??? If Orochimaru was going to create a Baby Artificially?? If Rock Lee is going to have a child out of nowhere???

But I am happy that SNS bond is the only one that wasn’t diminished in this hot mess called Burrito. So, atleast we should be happy about that.

When someone pulls the marriage card, I just block them immediately because they are not even worth having a good conversation. NH will pull out the Last movie and SS will pull out, ‘Sasuke called Sakura ‘My Wife’.... So, it’s just pointless.

So, to conclude

Considering my Analytical perspective, I already made earlier in other post and your ask which provides some insight about Japanese culture which eerily resembles the culture I belong to, It all makes sense that this whole pairings and trash is just for the sake of bringing out Next Generation series and those boys never loved those girls whole heartedly. And I agree with you on this.

[stargaze-issei]

— 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐤 𝐭𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐝 + 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐫-𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧 !

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭; karasuno and fukurodani react to their manager doing the body count/bodyody audio tik tok ! [insp by this tik tok]

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞; crack(?

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; suggestive themes, maybe a little swearing i can't remember ajaksjq.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞; the trend it's to put pictures of all the people you've slept with, in case anyone doesn't know!!

karasuno !

-> it was a joke, it wasn’t supossed to get out of the thrid year managers gc.

-> the girls found it hilarious and was a good conversation topic for hours, discussing who you put or didn’t put.

-> they knew, of course, it was fake. you hadn’t slept with oikawa, KYOUTANI, BOKUTO, tendou, atsumu, TERUSHIMA and OSAMU.

-> it was SO obvious it was a joke for them that nobody felt the need to point it out.

-> they just said things like “the most quiet are the worst ones” “OMG DETAILS ABOUT THE TWINS!!” “did terushima yk,, made a good use of his percing” because they KNEW nothing was real.

-> until tanaka and sugawara asked kiyoko for her phone to watch some videos of the new play they were trying.

-> and misaki, from johzenji, sent a “forget about teru— 🤢 can’t even say it,, Y/N I WANNA HEAR ABOUT BOKUTO!!! ik man’s  p a c k i n g”

-> tanaka looks at suga and suga looks at tanaka and they’re like .......tf

-> suga’s finger “slips” and they see the other messages until finally they reach your video.

-> you’re there looking pretty as usual and above your head reads “seems like were showing our body counts with this sound? here it’s mine 🤪”

-> tanaka is about to say “it can be what we’re thinking” but when OIKAWA’S picture appears both their jaws hit the floor.

-> nishinoya sees them and ofc he wants to know what’s so shocking, so he gets closer.

-> he drags hinata too, and shoyo’s like “that’s the great king!! play it again!! play it again!!”

-> fyi: suga paused the video because wOW and they don’t know who’s left in your video.

-> sugawara looks straight in the eye at nishinoya, going “keep hinata, kageyama and yamaguchi away and bring the team” with the MOST SERIOUS EXPRESSION

-> noya is lowkey scared??? like wtf??? but does as he’s told bc suga seems super intense.

-> kiyoko and yachi left to fill the bottles and pick some needed implements from the club room, you had classes for a few more minutes, therefore, there was nobody to stop them.

-> once the rest of the team, including tsukishima because everyone seemed to have forgotten he was a first year too, is together, suga plays again the video, while the littlest ones watch from afar in curiosity.

-> the silence, you will never hear them in a more tense silence.

-> they read what’s your tiktok about, daichi’s eyes go O.O, asahi goes RED, nishinoya seemed to be ready to FIGHT THEM ALL, ennoshita awkwardly laughs, even tsukishima blushes a little.

-> then oikawa appears. EVEYRONE’S EYES ARE FULLY OPEN AND NOYA LET’S OUT A GROAN???

-> but when kyoutani shows up they’re in SO much shock they kinda forget oikawa before, and daichi whispers an “oh god”

-> then it’s BOKUTO’S TURN and tsukishima just stops functioning. asahi is static on his place contemplating, withouth being able to form a coherent thought.

-> suga highkey wants the tea.

-> tendou feels like a betray to asahi, tanaka and tsukishima. noya, just for a second, wonder what was that like.

-> ATSUMU AND OSAMU FUCKING MIYA AND THEY EXPLOTE.

-> THE EXPLOTE LIKE WHAT????? WAS IT AT THE SAME TIME???? Y/N?¡¡¡¿¿1

-> they aren’t ready for the cherry on the top at the end, a picture of terushima sticking his tongue out, sweaty after a match, SMOKING HOT, and it’s not a picture he posted to his social medias or anything.

-> it’s only suga, and daichi a little bit, who realize that if that picture isn’t public, then either he send it to you or YOU TOOK  IT.

-> that’s when you walk in the gym, just to say hi before going to change.

-> the first year are playing among each other and you are like ????

-> they don’t even notice you’re there so you go nearer to see what they’re watching. and you see the picture of tersuhima yukie, from fukurodani, once sent asking misaki WHY her kouhais where that hot. it was also the only picture you had of him and the one you used in you video the day before.

-> the phone in suga’s hands seems familiar and... that’s kiyoko’s

-> “Y/N” screams asahi when he sees  you and the rest looks like they saw a ghost.

-> a second of silence goes before everyone blows in questions and you just hear names between bambling, “OIKAWA MNASNANPGDF” “MANASKL BODY COUNT ASLKLAS” “MAD DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

-> and daichi makes himself heard despite the screams.

-> “y/n, i know you’re 18 and capable of making your own decisions, but we have to talk about... physical relationships, with our rival teams”

-> kiyoko arrives and quickly puts two and two together and asks yachi to go check on the first years.

-> she looks at you and sees you like WHAT TF DO I DO and nods and say “you shouldn’t have gone through my phone, no matter how curious you are, sugawara-san” COLD AS ICE ISTG.

-> AND SHE CONTINUES “what who y/n does or doesn’t do on her free time is none of your business, all of you, if she decides to get together with anyone it’s just up to her. you should be ashamed of yourself, specially the third years. you weren’t just violating y/n’s privacy, but mine, kaori’s, yukie’s and misaki’s. it may have been a joke, or not, but it doesn’t give you the right. if you ever do something like this again, we will be talking with coach ukai and takeda sensei” SHE GRABS YOUR ARM, TURNS AROUND, CALLS YACHI AND YOU THREE LEAVE LIKE QUEENS????

-> once you’re in the club room, both you and kiyoko start laughing because the team was FROZE in place. not even daichi was so scary.

-> the team then apologizes to both and send an audio to the groupchat too, and never bring the subject uo again.

-> still, they all wonder everyday if you really did or not.

-> and of course, they get so defensive when they see any of the boys in the video it’s hilarious to you and the other managers.

— fukurodani !

-> damn yukie making up dares that always ended up bad for either you or kaori.

-> mostly you doe.

-> at a sleepover, she was like let’s make fake body count vids and who falls asleep first has to show them tomorrow at practice!!! it will be fun!!!

-> you accepted because you usually fell asleep after one of them did but that time it was like they gave you a sleeping pill because you fell like a rock after a few hours.

-> as to why you were there, the day after, about to go ask the team if you should post it.

-> you list consisted on kenma, kita, sakusa, daichi, and just for the fun of it, konoha.

-> the girls call konoha aside so he doesn't ruin the prank, and you proceed.

-> "hey guys, should i post this?? i’m not sure if i look good enough to be seen by the world” bokuto practically yells at you that you always look pretty before taking your phone from your hands.

-> “why don’t you ask yukie or kaori?” asks akaashi, that was a question you hand’t thought about and by pure luck, you were saved by bokuto yelling at the team to come and see what you’ve done.

-> konoha is about to head their way and yukie just grabs his arm like “no ❤️"

-> and nobody can contradict yukie’s no so he has no choice but to stay.

-> anyways

-> the team gather around bokuto, who is about to press play. at first it’s just your face, and everyone agree you look pretty.

-> but then they read “did anyone say body count? ;)” and they look at each other like ......what

-> washio leans to stop the video because he genuinely doesn���t know what body count is, sarukui explains it a little too loud, grinning, and washio goes "oh–"

-> thanks to sarukui’s explanation bokuto confirms his idea because one part of him did think it was how many people you’ve killed.

-> they press play again and kenma appears and bokuto just stares, doesn’t react.

-> akaashi’s eyes widened and he GASPS, washio can’t hide his disappointment mostly because why would you make this video and then show it to them.

-> when kita shows up bokuto lets out a surprised squeak, along with washio that’s just question your and his whole existences-

-> sarukui is smirking, his complete expression yells “way to go y/n!!!”

-> sakusa comes as a shock to every one of them, even sarukui loses the grin for a bit.

-> “how did you manage to...?” whispers akaashi, half amazed, half grossed.

-> bokuto then has to pause it for a little to keep his composure, he looks at your like WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME GO THROUGH THIS

-> but when they resume it and daichi welcomes him he thinks it just can get any worse.

-> washio is like “isn’t that karasuno’s–?”

-> “HELL YEAH IT IS” SHOUTS SARUKUI AND THE GIRLS BEHIND YOU LAUGH SO HARD BECAUSE HE IS SO PROUD OF YOU.

-> the rest is like 🧍‍♂️ while sarukui is SO happy for you LMAO.

-> it’s at the end when no one smiles. konoha’s picture smiles at them and bokuto just stops the video to look at him, only a few meters away.

-> he looks at the picture and then at konoha and so on.

-> can’t get his mind around it????? lowkey no one can.

-> akaashi isn’t even blinking and his eyes are concerningly open, washio is regretting all his past choices that led to this moment.

-> sarukui death stares at konoha. no more fun sarukui, he crossed the line.

-> kaori and yukie are wheezing WHEEZING I SAY and konoha is so confused.

-> his teammates look like dogs about to attack but he hasn’t done anything to upset them?? has he??

-> like robots, akaashi and bokuto get up and walk towards konoha. a part of you tells you to protect him but... what are they going to do tho...

-> “you’re out of the team” THEY SAY AT THE SAME TIME AND ALL AND KONOHA GOES WHAT

-> your co-managers can’t even breath istg NO HELP

-> you then intervine trying to keep konoha in the team lmao “IT’S FAKE GUYS!! A PRANK!! KAORI!!!! YUKIE!!!! BACK ME UP!!! I’M KIDDING DON’T KICK KONOHA OUT”

-> akaashi partially believes you, but bokuto?? nope.

-> you planted the seed on his mind.

-> the whole team acts weird when they see guys from your vid and are looking for chances to bark at konoha.

-> “AKAASHI HAS TO STAND BETWEEN YOU TWO ALL THE TIME” that’s the new rule he set.

-> just to see them freak out, konoha sometimes flirts with you at practice ;)

[greengrayeyeswrites]

shit-faced in love (chapter five)

Title: shit-faced in love

Pairing: Corpse Husband x OC (fem!youtuber!reader)

Word Count: 1,158

Warnings: Mental Health/Mental Illnesses are a big topic in this story. Mentions of depression, bpd and other mental illnesses. Angst, Fluff.

Note: This may be a Corpse x OC story but feel free to insert yourself into the main girls role. If Corpse ever announces that he doesn’t like fanfics about him, I’ll delete this.

Prologue — Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6

Author’s Note: Hello guys! I am very, very sorry that I didn’t update this any sooner. I’ve had a lot of troubles with my mental health lately, especially my bpd acting up and making me feel so worthless I wanted to punch myself in the face with a chair... But I thought that I need to get my shit back together and post a new chapter. I am really sorry about the delay. All these likes I am getting on a story that I mainly write for myself is overwhelming... so a massive thank you!

Also HAPPY BIRTHDAY CORPSE!

— — —

Imogen ended up being MIA for two whole days. She didn’t update her Twitter after cancelling the stream and didn’t upload anything on her Instagram story and her feed. 

The day after her bad mood swing she stayed at home and Baylee came over. The two girls were spending the day on the couch watching silly old-school romcoms; Buddy sitting in between them in case Imogen needed him.

They were watching movie after movie, falling asleep in between and Imogen felt bad for Baylee. She apologized for being so unmotivated, boring and weird today but Baylee quickly shook her head and told her that it was okay. 

Imogen couldn’t believe how happy she was to have Baylee as her friend, but since she was shifting from black to white thinking and back to black, she couldn’t really feel the happiness she knew existed somewhere. 

All she felt was emptiness and sadness. The episode lasted four whole hours and Imogen fell asleep crying in the middle of it. 

On her final day in Houston, Imogen and Baylee decided to go shopping and Imogen wanted to spoil her best friend. She got her a new computer and a new phone—which Baylee couldn’t quite believe. But Imogen was persistent and wanted her to keep the things.

Imogen then rented a beautiful NCT green colored Jeep Wrangler; which the girls immediately tried out when they were driving to the Space Center Houston for their last day.

„You almost sounded like MrBeast, when you gave me the phone and Macbook“ Baylee chuckled, as the girls looked for a parking lot in front of the Space Center. „I mean I’m meeting him and the crew next week for the first time, so I have to practice“, Imogen grinned, feeling way happier then a few days back.

„D’you already know what you’re doing with them?“ Baylee asked, but Imogen shook her head, when her phone rang with a message notification.

„Would you mind?“ Imogen asked nodding towards her phone, that was peeking out of her totebag in front of Baylee’s feet. Buddy was lifting his head from the backseat, looking at his owner and her friend.

„You got a voice message from Corpse“ Baylee read the notification on the lock screen and Imogen gulped. „Would you mind playing it?“ The twenty-eight year old asked and Baylee nodded, unlocking Imogen’s phone and pressing play.

The first thing both girls could hear was shuffling in the background before Corpse’s deep voice rang in their ears. „Whaddup baby?“, he asked and a shiver went through Imogen’s body, while she maneuvered the car into a parking lot. 

Baylee slapped her hand over her mouth, staring at Imogen in shock. Hearing his go-to phrase so close to her ears and so intimate was kinda scary. Baylee felt like she was eavesdropping.

„How are you feeling?“ Corpse asked, „We were kinda worried when you didn’t respond to the group chat. I know I go MIA as well but you usually told us what was wrong. Rae was worried and I was as well. Please text us soon, so we don’t have to worry anymore.“ 

A quiet breath left his lips and Imogen looked over to Baylee, who was still covering her mouth. „I hope you finish your MrBeast stuff soon. I want to meet you real quick!“ Corpse finished the message and the phone screen turned black.

„Oh my god“ Baylee let out and stared at Imogen. „I felt so bad for listening, Mo!“ She cried out and Imogen gulped. „I feel so bad for not telling them what happened. I know how worried they get when I don't text!“ Imogen shook her head.

„Here, here!“ Baylee pressed the phone into Imogen’s hands. „Text them now! Tell them how you’re feeling and what you’re up to today!“ Baylee turned around to Buddy.

„Buddy, I can’t believe I heard Corpse speak like that! He was genuinely worried!“ Imogen watched her best friend and shook her head.

She had to be honest. Hearing Corpse’s voice like that made her heart jump a little bit. What was he doing with her? She didn’t even know what he looked like, yet he made her heart do weird dancy-dances. 

She knew Baylee was watching her, while she typed into her phone. She knew Baylee wanted to know what she wrote—and she would’ve told her, if she wouldn’t be so shy about it.

When the women came home this night, Baylee decided to crash over in Imogen’s AirBnB. They stayed up most of the night and talked about everything and nothing. They were talking about Baylee’s crush on her co-worker, that didn’t even notice her presence. They spoke about Imogen’s therapy and medication and how Buddy had helped her out of so many dark places already; and then, as the sun was about to rise again, they fell asleep.

— — —

They woke up to Buddy licking their faces, wagging with his tail only a few hours later. Baylee sat up and looked at Imogen, fighting her dog off her.

„You know what? I’m going to miss you.“ Imogen finally got Buddy off her and looked at Baylee. Tears filled her best friends eyes and Imogen looked at her. „Bay“, she whispered and crushed her best friend in a hug. „This week went by way too fast“ Baylee cried into Imogen’s shoulder. „I swear, before I go back to Ireland, I’ll take you on a vacy to Hawaii. So be prepared to take a few days off, once I’m done with my travel!“

Imogen started laughing and Baylee grinned. „Gotcha!“

After having a breakfast together, Baylee helped Imogen pack her stuff and load it into the Wrangler. Imogen was fastening Buddy in the backseat, when she closed the door behind her and hugged Baylee once more.

„Take care, Mo.“ Baylee said and squished Imogen’s cheeks. „I will.“ - „No, I’m serious. When you feel low or sad or empty , turn off the cameras and hold Buddy. Okay?“

Imogen smiled. „I will. Thank you, Bay.“ The girls hugged once more, Baylee clinging on to Imogen as if her life depends on it. „I just wish I could quit my retail job and follow you around, being your camera woman or something.“ Baylee sighed and Imogen looked at her.

Imogen’s brain buzzed. „Keep that in mind, Bay. Okay? I’d even pay you.“ Baylee looked at Imogen and the Irish lass grinned. „Whatever you say, big girl“ Baylee grinned and softly banged the side of the Wrangler.

„Go and take the NCTzen car through the states.“ Baylee grinned and stepped aside to her own car. Imogen grinned and climbed into the Wrangler.

„Good luck on these 1,270 miles!“ Balyee yelled, as Imogen turned on the engine. „Take breaks in between okay?“ Imogen nodded and started backing out of the driveway.

Baylee disappeared into the distance and a piece of Imogen’s heart broke, when she left Houston behind.  

to be continued...

Taglist: @wineandionysus​ @chanbaeol​ @rexit-mo

[ribbononline]

Uuuuuu have PDA doodles so i can make a hc post for admin au!! Mostly for Maxie and Archie, but all admins are there as well 

(for a full writeup of how the games play out in their respective AUs, check out this post!)

ok ! so like stated in earlier post the basic gist is that rather then splitting up back in their rocket days one convinced the other to join their team! So in Sapphire, Maxie joined team aqua as admin, and in Ruby archie joined team magma as admin! Depending on which team they’re both on, the other team just does not exist in that version of the AU 

They’re still dating and together and (mostly) happy! Archie being with magma helped Maxie never really succumb to stress so he’s a lot more relaxed. Maxie in aqua mainly helped streamline and organise things a lot so they move a bit faster! 

While they are happier in the sense that they’re still together and didn’t have to deal with that hell of a breakup, neither admin truly believes in the goals of their teams, making it a little…  For Ruby; Archie doesn’t truly believe deep down Magma will be able to help everyone and is afraid it’ll harm ocean pokemon, but he knows Maxie is doing his best to cancel out any negatives and thus decided to put his faith in him and follow him anyhow. (Quite frankly, depression shines trough when he thinks about what their plans would do in the long term considering he still is not super fond of humanity as a whole- so he tries just to…. not think about it)

for Sapphire; Maxie is very convinced Kyogre is just going to flood everything and everyone and brought it up a lot with Archie at the start. Archie never flat up stated his plans are in fact to bring an end to humanity as a whole, but Maxie has his suspicions considering Archie kept dismissing all the concerns he kept bringing up- and eventually started to realise that either he was going to join Aqua working towards a restart of the world, or lose the one good thing he had going for him after Rocket in his relationship with Archie. He decided to be selfish and stuck around with Archie, though guilt is real and it is killing

teams;

Magma admin Archie;

-Sharpedo

-Gabite

-Gastrodon (East)

-Nidoking

-Crobat

-Mightyena

Aqua admin Maxie;

-Numel

-Dragalge

-Crobat

-Mightyena

-Whiscash

-Relicanth

now for a random big ass hc list in no order at all (Putting ‘S:’ at the front if they’re specific to Sapphire version of the AU, ‘R:’ if they’re specific to the Ruby version) 

-S: Because he got Numel as a child, Maxie still has it even in the Sapphire version of the AU. However due to being surrounded by water and water types only, it never battles. It’s mostly just there for cuddles and to be spoiled. 

-S: Because Maxie lets him wander the Aqua base, the grunts see Numel as almost kind of a mascot for their team. Everyone spoils it. Everyone. It started becoming kind of a problem, because it got a little overweight. Now there are multiple posters troughout the base warning people to  ‚Not feed the Numel, no matter how cute it looks at you.’ 

-S: “Max ya can’t teach every single water Pokémon on your team Scald” “Sounds like the words of a coward too afraid to teach every single water Pokémon on his team Scald” 

-R: Archie dabbed once instead of doing the proper magma salute as a joke. Now half of the grunts won’t stop doing it and Maxie is in pain. 

-In both versions of the AU, the original proposed plan was to be co-leaders. Archie denied the position in Ruby because “C’mon Max, it’s yer dream, I’m just here to help” and Maxie denied the position in Sapphire because he did not feel comfortable being called leader of a team he fears is going to only bring destruction. He’s honestly not even entirely comfortable with the admin label, but Archie insisted. 

-S: When May first showed up, Maxie didn’t believe she could actually stop Archie- he just thought she’s delay things. At that point the stress of knowing he was working towards genocide was getting too him pretty badly, and the idea of the end of the world seemed pretty relaxing if it meant never having to worry about any of it again. So seeing a child that wouldn’t actually be able to make a difference but could potentially delay things and drag it out even longer— he went as hard as he could trying to stop her. When she did in fact defeat Kyogre at the end of the day, she got some formal apologies and a lot of thank you’s.

-R: When May proved herself capable of holding her own, Archie started dropping hints to their plans so she could keep up with them. He didn’t actively want her to sabotage the operation- didn’t feel like that’d be fair of him to Maxie-, but in case his worst fears were to come true and Maxie wouldn’t be able to control Groudon, he’d rather have her as backup there. In the end he was very glad he did that. 

-R: Archie is still in contact with Shelly, who’s still working at Devon here. She doesn’t really approve of team Magma, but Archie keeps telling her it’ll be fine, so she supposes he knows best and let’s it be. 

-R: Archie still ends up saving and befriending Matt, but never lets him join the team, figuring it wouldn’t be the best place for Matt. Instead he introduces him to Shelly and helps him become a lifeguard. 

-R: After the Groudon incident, Magma disbands. Archie ends up joining a wild Pokémon rescue service, specializing in water Pokémon. Maxie ends up working as a geologist. (Both under strict government watch after the Groudon stunt, but they’re doing their best!)

-R: Deciding Tabitha and Courtney could use some help making friends post Groudon incident, Archie ends up convincing Shelly and Matt to hang out together with them a couple of times. Matt was into the idea from the start, Shelly got more interested once she started talking to Courtney and got along with her. 

(Eventually Maxie meets Matt and Shelly too because of the hangout sessions!)

-S: Tabitha still works at Devon, and Courtney works in a flower shop while studying for a major in geology on the side. She’s not super fond of her job, but this one cute Aqua admin girl keeps dropping by, so she figures she’ll stick around. Maxie never meets them until after the Kyogre incident. 

-S: Shelly and Courtney met accidentally at Courtney’s job early on in and now talk a lot. Shelly was planning on asking Courtney out after Aqua awakened Kyogre, but once that goes wrong she feels too guilty. Instead Courtney suddenly shows up at the (now ex-) Aqua base to ask her out instead. 

-S: Matt ends up becoming a lifeguard after Aqua disbands and Shelly ends up going back to Devon. She meets Tabitha there again and one day when Matt comes pick her up from work they meet as well. One weird conversion and a lot of misunderstandings later, Tabitha accidentally ends up agreeing to come work out with Matt in the gym every week. 

-S: Eventually Maxie, Tabitha and Courtney all end up meeting trough Shelly and Matt and befriend eachother fairly fast due to mutual interests in Rocks™ 

-R: “Gabite is a Sharpedo with legs. Discuss.” “Archie please,”

-S: Maxie’s shirt is actually one of Archie’s shirts. Archie offered to get him one that fit him better, but Maxie liked this better. 

-S: Maxie hates any and all field work missions with the team because usually that means water everywhere and the lenses of his glasses being smeared with it 99% of the time. 

-S: Maxie still can’t swim. His one way of getting around in water is hanging onto his pokemon and hoping for the best. Only Archie knows. 

[alovesongshewrote]

If you’re taking requests, maybe something about Doux finding the reader absolutely delirious from lack of sleep? I may or may not have gotten literally any sleep last night and although I managed to get through my morning routine pretty efficiently I FEEL my body just wiping out. I will be comatose within the hour.

Sleep, Darling | Hisirdoux Casperan x Reader

Plot:  you’ve been awake for too long and it is not doing you any favours.  Thank god for punk wizards who care about your wellbeing, amirite lads?  (Also, the pure Irony that this is getting posted at like, 2:40 am where i am, rip me i guess)

Word Count: 2,292

Warnings:  A bit of blood is mentioned in passing, the reader isn’t human and probably has adhd or smthn.  Also, Friends is mentioned, like, the tv show, so that’s a thing!

A/N:   if you look closely, you can actually see me projecting onto this one.  I hope you got some sleep anon.

Tags:   @furblrwurblr @einahpetsyarcip @sorrels-scribbling @anxious-stitcher @alive-and-afraid @animedweeb333 @douxiesdamsel @saroski05

Time isn’t real.  It’s a social construct made to bring order to the general chaos that is human existence.  That was why you were up at 5 a.m for the second, maybe third, night in a row.  Was it healthy?  Probably not, but you didn’t need sleep, you needed answers.  Answers to what?  Who knows at this point, honestly.

You couldn’t say you were surprised when you finally noticed the late, or early hour.  You just shrugged it off and went “fuck it, all-nighter,” which was fine for the moment.  But time’s a bitch, and that moment was over pretty fast.  By noon, you were ready to collapse.  The three cups of coffee did not help.  Instead, they made you vibrate at a frequency that could quite possibly break glass.  As much as this sucked for you, it was worse for your lovely friend and co-worker, Hisirdoux Casperan.

Now, our boi Douxie was and is madly in love with you, but shhh, it’s a secret.  You also love him, and that’s a secret too.  Neither of these secrets are well kept, and the only reason you aren’t together is general stupidity.  Literally, anyone else who watches the two of you interacting can tell that you're in love.  Hell, half the town assumes you’re together already.  The other half keeps trying to get you together.  It is not working very well.  But that’s all a digression.  What you really need to know is that Douxie loves you and watching you suffer from a lack of sleep was Not A Pleasant Experience.  You were delirious, shaky, and constantly off-balance.  You could work well enough, but it was clear that your health was not in the same zone.

The final straw came when you cut your hand on broken glass.  You’d dropped a cup, and instead of using magic, you’d tried to fix the mess by hand.  That plan did not work, and you received a bloody slash across your palm for your troubles.

“Ah.  Fuck,” you said, thinking you were whispering but instead speaking at a normal volume.

“What’s wrong, love?”

“‘S nothing, I’ve got it,” you did not got it, especially not in this state, and Douxie had the good sense to figure that out.  The blood was a pretty good hint though.

“Oh, fuzzbuckets.”

“I told you, I’m toooootally fine, there is nothing to worry about.”

“Here, (Y/N), let me help you-”

“No, no, this is, this is-” it was then that your sleep-deprived brain decided to cut off your train of thought and replace it with another, more chaotic train.  You stopped talking and just stared at Douxie for a solid minute.  Or at least it felt like a solid minute.  Time isn’t real, remember that.

“(Y-Y/N)?  You alright there, darling?”

“You’re really cute, did you know that?  Like… really cute.  Steve was right, you could be a model.”

“I-”

“Also, just gonna put it out there, I freakin’ love it when you call me darling.  Like, I know you call most people darling, but it makes me feel special.  Don’t ask why, it just does.”

Douxie wasn’t planning on asking why.  He wasn’t really planning on anything.  Your sleep-deprived half-confession had turned him from a capable individual into a blushing mess in less than a second.  You always had that effect on him, but it looked like your exhausted state was giving you a bit of an edge.

“Oh, sorry, I made it weird.  Anyway, do you think if I brewed my next coffee with Monster instead of water it would wake me up?   Because I’m still tired, and it isn’t fun.”

“I- you- I’m-”

“I think I might try it, honestly.”

“Ok, how about you don’t do that,”  Archie said, swooping in, literally and figuratively, to save the day, “Douxie, can you please get (Y/N)’s hand patched up?  It looks quite painful and they’re dripping blood onto the carpet.”

You were, in fact, dripping blood onto the carpet.  That wasn’t good, “Oh, that’s- I’m sorry.”

“Don’t fret, just go do something about that hand,” with that, Archie smacked Douxie upside the head in an attempt to snap him out of his flustered state.  It was super effective!

“Ahh, yeah.   C’mon, (Y/N), let’s,,, go,,, fix,,, that.”

“Ok,”  you stood, too tired to protest, and followed Douxie into the back of the bookstore, which was literally just his apartment.  

It was a nice place.  Very cozy, very him.  It made you want to curl up and take a nap, but to be fair, literally everything made you want to curl up and take a nap at the moment.  Regardless, his home made you feel warm and fuzzy on the inside and you never wanted to leave it.  Maybe it was the interior decorating, but you knew it was because your favourite person lived there.  What you didn’t know, or didn’t realize, was that you’d just spoken your entire thought process out loud and Douxie heard every word of it.  Once again, the boy was a blushing mess.  If you were awake enough to process things, you would have found it cute.  Or you’d be dead from embarrassment, that one is a bit of a toss-up.

Fighting through his flustered state, Douxie pulled you into the bathroom and collected a first aid kit from under the counter.  While he focused on getting things done, you curled into a ball in his bathtub.  For some reason, your exhausted brain decided that sitting on the edge of the bathtub simply did not Vibe™ but sitting inside the tub was better than nothing, and so you just,,, curled up there.  Douxie was only a little surprised to see you there.

“(Y/N)?”

“D’you remember that time on Friends when Winona Ryder played a closeted lesbian?  That was a fuckin’ trip, man.”

“(Y/N), darling-”

“That whole episode is just- it’s just strange.”

“(Y/N)-”

“Hehe, Stranger Things.”

“(Y/N), love, I need to see your hand.”

“Oh, fuck, yeah, I forgot.  Here,” you sat up, extending your hand out to the wizard.  He took it, sitting on the edge of the bathtub which was fine for him to do, I guess.  Not you though, you were stuck in bathtub jail for sleep deprivation crimes.

You squinted up at his face as he tended to the nasty scratch you’d given yourself.  You didn’t have the capacity to focus on what he was doing, so instead you focused on him.  He was pretty, as you’d said before, but that was always true.  At that exact moment, his brows were furrowed in concentration, his eyes concerned and his jaw set.  His hands were steadier than yours could ever hope to be, especially since you hadn’t been sleeping.  Overall, he looked kind of mad, so you sunk down into your bath-prison, silent and waiting for him to finish so you could get back to work.

Douxie was not mad at you.  He was upset that you hadn’t been sleeping, but he wasn’t mad.  He was just worried for your health.  Your wizard did not appreciate seeing you shaking and sleep-deprived.  He didn’t appreciate it when your current state led you to injure yourself, either.

He wrapped up your hand and gave it a small pat, “Done.  Now, come on, you’re taking a nap.”

His voice surprised you.  It was gentle, calm, not at all angry like you’d suspected.  You found yourself so lost in it that you didn’t realize what he’d said until he said your name, trying to snap you out of whatever haze you were in.

“Oh, wait, what?  No, shit, I have to get back to work-”

“No, you need sleep.”

“Sleep is for the weak, I need to go-” you stood and almost fell over.  You probably would have broken something if Douxie didn’t catch you.  You hadn’t exactly expected to end up in his arms today, and despite the heat rising in your face and neck, you were not complaining.

“(Y/N)-”

“I’m sorry, Douxie, I-”

“You need to sleep.  Please, (Y/N), don’t make me use a spell on you.”

You froze for a second before a smirk crept onto your face, “You wouldn’t.”

“I-”

“You wouldn’t use a spell on meeeeee-” the smirk grew into a full smile as you let yourself go limp, forcing him to move his hands to support you better and pull you closer to him.  Was that your plan?  Maybe.  Was it part of a second, bigger plan?  Also yes.

“You wanna bet?”

“Sure.”

“I-” and then he went silent.  There was a moment of tension where you just stared into each other’s eyes, holding your breath to see what the other person would do.  Your gaze fell to his lips as his fell to yours.  For that moment, your thoughts began to wander far out of your control.  Douxie’s mind was also running rampant but in a different direction.  You were right, he thought.  He couldn't use magic on you.  As far as he knew, you were a human.  Just a mortal being who crawled their way into his life and stayed there, improving the quality of it greatly.  If there was even the slightest chance that a spell may have negative side effects, which most sleep spells did, he wouldn’t dare risk it, especially not on you.  He sighed, tightening his grip on your waist, “You’re right.”

“What?”  Oop, plan going sideways, PLAN GOING SIDEWAYS!

“I’m- not going to use magic on you,” he helped you to stand, and moved to take a step back before you grabbed his hoodie and pulled him back to you, ignoring the sharp sting in your hand.

“Ok, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hang on there wizard boy-” you took a moment to pull yourself out of the bathtub entirely, “You can’t give up that easily.”

“Wha-”

“Come onnnnnn, make it fun, make it exciting.  Put a spell on me or whatever, just-” you went quiet for a second, but for once you weren’t distracted.  Just quiet.  You had to face facts.  Your plan had failed, and now you had nothing but the truth.

“(Y/N)?”

“Just make my brain stop.  For just two seconds.”

“What?”

“Please.  I’m running on a motor and I can’t stop myself.  I haven’t slept and I have no choice in the matter.”

“(Y/N)-”

“Look, just, take away my free-will if you have to.  Knock me out, magic or otherwise, I just want five seconds where I’m not on hyperdrive,” you were standing on your own now, though Douxie’s arms were still wrapped around you and you hadn’t let go of his hoodie, “Please.”

The bathroom was silent for a minute.  It took that long for Douxie to process what you’d just said.  You feared, for that moment, that you’d said too much.  You hadn't.  Not to him, anyway.

“Come on.”

“What?”

“Come on,” he said, picking you up, effortlessly sweeping you off your feet.

“Wait, what!?” your voice was slightly more frantic, surprise lacing through your words.

“There’s more than one way to get a person to sleep.”

“Oh-?”

He didn’t respond to your question, instead, he carried you out the door and into what you could only assume was his room.  You had no choice but to wrap your arms around his neck and cling to him for dear life until he set you down on the bed.

“Stay here, okay?  I’m going to make you some tea-”

“Wait!” you stopped him, grabbing his wrist as he turned to leave, “I’m… I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be sorry, my darling,” he sat in front of you on the bed, “You just need to get some sleep, okay?”

“But what about-”

“I’ll cover your shift, you don’t need to worry.”

“I-”

“Just rest, for now, love.  Please.”

“Ok,” your words were a whisper, something that Douxie could only just hear.  The next thing though, he didn’t have to strain to hear at all, “Yeah.  I meant what I said earlier, by the way.  You’re so pretty, it isn’t fair.”

He laughed at this, at you, finally seeing some humour in your shenanigans.  He relaxed now knowing that you may actually get some much-needed rest.  He stood, kissing your forehead and tracing the side of your face with a hand, rough from guitar strings and 900 years of sweeping.

“Worry not, love, you’re pretty too.”

“Hey, wait-”

“Don’t ‘hey, wait,’ me.  You are.  Now lie down, I’ll be back in a second.”

A smile crept onto your face as you followed orders.  Your emo wizard man thought you were pretty.  And he cared enough about you to let you sleep during work hours, in his home, no less.  You let yourself relax into the bed, grinning once again.  It smelled like him, like thyme and peppermint, lemongrass and sleep.  It was nice, comforting.  You could only vaguely think of Douxie as your brain finally took a fuckin breather.  It was everything you needed, honestly.

By the time Douxie came back, you were long gone, lost to your dreams and finally asleep.  He sighed a smile that matched yours on his face.  He placed the cup of tea on the bedside table before grabbing a blanket out of his closet and draping it over you.  You looked so peaceful.  Good.  You deserved some peace every now and then.

He took the cup and left you, brushing a strand of hair out of your eyes as he did.  After making his exit, he placed the still-hot tea on the counter, disregarding it for now before returning to the bookshop.

“How are they?”  his familiar asked, tail twisting in concern.

He gave a final fond look at the door before returning to business, “They’re just resting.”  And for once, you were.

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Audrey Roget

Audrey Roget has 10 fics at Gossamer, with some different ones at AO3, fanfiction.net, and her website. You might know her from her very good fics or as part of Musea, a collective that all wrote fic and posted X-Files fic recs. I’ve recced some of my favorites of her stories here before, including Three Times Dana Scully Didn’t Go to San Diego for Christmas and The Shirt. Big thanks to Audrey for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)? A little, yes. Not so much by folks who were around in those days. I sometimes go hunting for beloved stories from the early years, both those I read and loved, and those I never got around to. I am always delighted to hear that later generations of fans have stumbled across my stuff, especially since I haven’t posted anything new in a number of years. It’s fantastic that both years-long fans and new ones are out there continuing to rec fic from all eras, and to maintain archives for fans yet-to-be born. What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it? What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general? It may sound corny, but the main thing I think of, and the thing that has ultimately been most valuable and lasting, has been the friendships. The feeling of having found a tribe – not just of TXF fans, but of other people who could be as enthusiastically engaged as I was (if not more so) with fictional stories and characters – was mind-blowing. Since I was a kid, I had often mulled over the books/movies/TV I loved and speculated internally about what happened off the page or off-screen, or created new stories for characters in my head. But, except for an elementary school phase where I and my two BFFs regularly played Charlie’s Angels, I hadn’t engaged in that kind of gleeful immersion in a fictional world with others until TXF fandom. My involvement in fandom followed pretty quickly from getting hooked on the show, so for me, it’s all one big ball of experiences. Even as my interest in/involvement in fandom has waxed and waned over the years, I’ve been lucky to remain friends with wonderful people who I originally connected with as fellow fans.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)? What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

My initial entrée to the fandom was through fanfiction. I didn’t get interested in the show until mid-season 5. Around the same time, I read an article in a zine called Might (co-founded by Dave Eggers) about this thing called fanfiction that people would write and publish online. At first I thought it was satire or a joke – the fic cited involved Wilma Flintstone and a polished sabre tooth, as I recall – but then realized this was an actual thing. So I figured that a show then at the peak of pop culture must have fanfiction, and I went looking. Early on, I scrolled atxc on a daily basis and downloaded stories. But I didn’t engage in discussions about the show on Usenet, since I only knew how to access it with my Earthlink email client, and I didn’t want to post using my real name.

Later, I set up a pseud address with Yahoo and subscribed to a couple of email fanfic/discussion lists, and stayed subscribed to those for years. There was also a period in there somewhere – of maybe only a year or so, when I think about it – when I’d often nerd out into the wee hours with other fans via IM chat groups. That was around the time the small writers’ collective Musea was founded, and we were active for several years after the show’s initial run. In the early aughts, I followed many authors to LiveJournal and eventually set up my own account and stayed involved in fandom that way, until it mostly dispersed as well. What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show? In a word: Chemistry. I had casually watched a couple of episodes during the first four seasons, but I’m not a huge sci-fi/horror fan at heart, and the story lines didn’t immediately grab me. But I happened to tune into The Red and the Black in 1998, and BOOM. For the first time, the intense layers of emotion and attraction between Mulder and Scully really struck me – and then of course, upon further viewing, I realized it was unmissable, an essential element in the fabric of the show. As a wise woman once said, a switch had been flicked. Mulder and Scully’s magnetism was like nothing I’d ever seen, and though I eventually came to appreciate the storytelling, humor, production values, and other components that made the series so successful, watching those characters interact has always been what kept me coming back. Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files? I was part of a list-serv discussion group for The West Wing for a while, which was a fun melding of character and plot analysis with political discussion. Later, I got into the House, MD fandom, again mostly as a fanfic reader/writer. I was finding that other fandoms, unlike TXF, were more dispersed, the networks of people structured more loosely, if at all. There were fanfic and discussion communities on LiveJournal, and fanfiction.net was the other main hub for posting and reading, but if there was anything centralized like Gossamer, Ephemeral, or the Haven, I never found it. Within all those fan communities, as in TXF, there were partisans for various characters and pairings, and flame wars erupted over plot developments that outraged this faction or that. One main difference was that those other shows had larger, ensemble casts and more varied subplots. So on one hand, there was more opportunity to explore back stories and multiple perspectives. In House MD in particular, there were several entrenched rival shipper camps, which were about equally grounded in canon, rather than TXF’s central ship. I was less into TWW fic, but my impression was that readers were less militant about their pairing preferences than TXF or House fans. Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I was deeply fascinated by Greg House for several years. (And the love-hate chemistry between him and Lisa Cuddy was a strong draw for me.) House MD came early in a wave of TV shows centered on anti-heroes, and Hugh Laurie brought amazing complexity and thoughtfulness to the character.

Philip and Elizabeth Jennings (The Americans) are a lethal pair of antiheroes. The inherent moral conflict of a sympathetic narrative from their POVs, and the global political conflict they embody was TV catnip for me. The internal struggles at the hearts of those characters were so exquisitely written and performed, they completely fascinate me.

The West Wing felt so much like a show created specifically for me. I’m especially fond of story arcs and scenes that centered on CJ Cregg, Charlie Young, and Josh Lyman. Though I loved Martin Sheen’s human portrayal of Jed Bartlet, the fact that he was the President always made him a little untouchable in my mind. But CJ, Charlie, and Josh were basically hard-working functionaries who were ambitious and idealistic and funny and flawed, and they spoke to me. What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I do continue to think about Mulder and Scully and watch episodes somewhat often. I’ll sometimes run a favorite episode as background when I want something comforting on. I read TXF fic pretty regularly, which can inspire me to go back and watch a particular episode or story arc I haven’t thought about in years. Just recently, I started listening to The X-Files Diaries podcast (@XFDPodcast, @admiralty-xfd), and that’s a fun dive into the characters, and how other fans react to and interpret episodes.

Every once in a while, a TV show or movie – and more particularly, the characters – will grab my attention and make me curious about how fanfic writers have interpreted the original material. Random example, I saw Singin’ in the Rain for the first time in a theatre a couple of years ago, and the chemistry of the three leads sent me to AO3 as soon as I got home. I also loved the first season of Mercy Street and found some well-done stories in that fandom. I usually peruse the Yuletide gifts every year and have been amazed by the sheer variety, creativity and cheekiness of the output. There are a bunch of other shows I’ve followed faithfully, and sought out fanfic – Broadchurch, The Killing, Agents of SHIELD, Elementary, The Good Wife. Although I’ve found some well-written stuff in those fandoms, I’ve rarely gotten the same charge from them as reading TXF fic. Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

syntax6 (@syntax6) – Universal Invariants/Laws of Motion. I’d also shout out to syn’s Hunter fics, too – well worth reading even for those who have never seen or particularly loved the show itself.

JET – I re-read Small Lives Awake every year around Thanksgiving time. Other annual holiday re-reads: Revely’s The Dreaming Sea and Jordan’s Through the Fire (both set at Halloween).

Amal Nahurriyeh’s Casey universe – the rare post-col fic that felt hopeful, made extra intriguing by a kick-ass original character. [Lilydale note: the series starts with Machines of Freedom and has lots of additional fics and snippets.]

Prufrock’s Love – Finding Rokovoko was genuinely terrifying and tender.

melforbes (@melforbes) – Seaglass Blue is a recent favorite, lyrical and bittersweet.

These are just a few (apologies to those that didn’t come to mind immediately). Fortunately for readers, there’s an astonishing number of authors who have written in TXF fandom whom you can depend on for a good yarn, insightful character study, and/or ingenious “fixes” where 1013 went awry.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Probably the two set in my own (former) backyard of Southern California: Enivrez-vous and Ravenous. I’d first read the Baudelaire poem that was the source of the former’s title back in university days, so I was tickled to be able to use a few lines as an epigraph. Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online? It’s not out of the realm possibility. I’d meant for “Three Times Dana Scully Didn’t Go to San Diego for Christmas” to be followed up with “And One Time She Did.” In fact, the idea for that never-finished story was what inspired “Three Times” in the first place. I have a couple of scenes sketched out and – unusually for me – even know exactly how to end it. Every year, November rolls around, and I think I should finish and post it…maybe in 2021?

Where do you get ideas for stories? Sometimes it’s from my environment. “Enivrez-vous” and “Ravenous” describe places that I’m fond of, that made me want to place Mulder and Scully there. “What Not to Wear” has that element too – I set it in Memphis as a tribute to a great trip there with a sister Musean. But WNTW was also inspired by a kink challenge in a years-ago LiveJournal thread, so sometimes ideas come from fandom discussions or even other fanfics. In the House MD fandom, a fic by another writer made me want to continue the story, and the author kindly allowed an authorized sequel. What's the story behind your pen name? I wanted my pseudonym to sound like it could be a real person’s name – or at least, maybe like a romance writer’s pen name – rather than an online handle. I also wanted to use a slightly obscure fictional character, to amuse anyone in the know. I had long had a bit of an obsession with Whit Stillman’s 1990s film trilogy, which started with Metropolitan; the 3rd installment, Last Days of Disco, came out the same year I started down the TXF rabbit hole: 1998. The central heroine of Metropolitan – who is mentioned in or makes a cameo in the other two – is Audrey Rouget, a lover of Austen and, eventually, a book editor. I altered the spelling of the last name as a nod to every writer’s companion, Roget’s Thesaurus. Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions? I have a few close friends – from outside TXF fandom – who know that I’ve written fanfic. I don’t know if they know my pseud; if they do, or if they’ve ready any of the fic, they haven’t said so to me. They are fannish sorts themselves, but not really TXF fans. A smattering of other friends and family members know or could intuit that I’ve been a fangrl on some level for years. My boss, whom I’ve known for about 3 years, recently mentioned off-handedly that she was really obsessed with TXF “back in the day,” and I am DYING to know if she got involved in fandom, but don’t think I’ll ever work up the courage to ask.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now? Most of the X-Files stuff continues to be generously and steadfastly archived by Forte at The Basement Office. The House MD stories and some TXF things are at fanfiction.net; same for AO3. If ever post anything new, it will probably go to TBO and AO3. I really ought to get it all together in one place, one of these days…

(Posted by Lilydale on April 6, 2021)

[solohux]

After finishing the mandalorian i’m obsessed with Great single dads of star wars. Could you write a single dad kylo ren prompt? Hux Goes in to kylos chambers to yell at him for being late to a meeting But stops when he sees kylo holding his crying young daughter just talking to her softly and rocking her. Hux can only watch in awe, he has never seen the knight so gentle and soft!

The sheer audacity of the Master of Ren astounds General Hux. He mutters foul curses to himself whilst marching to Kylo’s chambers with his datapad clutched tightly in his hands with the relevant evidence present of his inexcusable absence of both of today’s important meetings. As supposed co-commander of this ship and Hux’s supposed equal, Kylo is obligated to attend the same conferences and take part in the same presentations but he has chosen to miss both the budget and armoury meetings today, and Hux has had enough.

Kylo is about to be on the receiving end of a very irate General Hux, one who won’t hesitate to report his shortcomings to the Supreme Leader and demand that Kylo be removed from his post and sent back to the playpen where his immature attitudes belong.

Luckily, Hux’s master-override code works on the lock of Kylo’s chamber doors too.

“Master Ren!” Hux announces loudly upon entering the Knight’s private rooms, clearing his throat and readying himself to thrust his datapad in Kylo’s face and show him the day’s schedule. “I demand an answer—uuhh.”

Hux freezes on the spot and his anger stiffens along with him, turning into confusion. The Knight is dressed in such casual attire that he’s almost unrecognisable, wearing soft greys instead of all black for once and his hair tied back from his face. But the most puzzling thing is what’s sitting in his lap; a young girl, no older than 3, is crying quietly with her face pressed against his chest.

“Ren?” Hux manages to squeak out his co-commanders name but Kylo throws his palm up to silence Hux, and the General obeys.

“Deep breathes, Mira,” Kylo says softly, sitting back against his fire-red coloured couch, cuddling the girl and kissing her head of dark hair. “Close your eyes. The darkness will help.”

“Hurts, Daddy,” the girl—Mira—says, rubbing her forehead. She’s dressed in soft-looking pyjamas, her little socked toes wiggling with her obvious discomfort.

“I know, sweetheart.” Out of the corner of Hux’s eye, he sees a pink, plaid patterned blanket floating from the adjoining bedroom and into Kylo’s hand. As soon as it’s in his hold, he drapes it over the girl’s body and wraps her up, rocking her gently as he talks quietly. “Daddy used to get headaches like this when he was little.”

The girl opens her eyes, and Hux sees their bright blue shine, “You did, Daddy?”

“Yeah. My powers hurt me sometimes too.”

“Did your Daddy make you better?”

Hux cocks his head, frowning as he sees such strong emotion flicker in Kylo’s expression. The usually-fierce Knight looks lost right now, hurtful memories obviously playing back in his mind.

“He did,” Kylo says, forcing a smile. “He always made my headaches go away.”

Hux knows very little about Kylo’s life before he came to the First Order but what he does know, he thought of it as being spoilt and uptight. The son of two rebellion heroes? Surely Kylo would have had it so cushy that he would have been crazy to leave such wealth and power behind him—despite the Order being the right side to be on, of course—but from the distant look in his eyes, Hux realises that he may have misunderstood his co-commander all this time.

“Try to sleep, Mira,” Kylo says, whispering to his daughter. “Hush, sweetheart. Daddy’s here.”

Hux’s heart melts. Even though she’s in such pain, Mira smiles as she closes her eyes and nestles against her father’s chest, drifting off to sleep with the sounds of him humming softly to her. In his heart, Hux almost feels jealous at witnessing a child so loved and protected when he has never known a love like this, never protected by his father or held when he cried. Mira is clearly a loved, happy little girl.

And Kylo Ren is everything that Hux believed him incapable of.

When Mira is finally asleep, Kylo stands up slowly with the girl in his arms and carries her into the adjoining room—which Hux assumes to be a bedchamber—before emerging again without her.

“None of your officers know that she exists,” Kylo says in a hushed tone, clearly not wanting to wake his sleeping child. “I’d like to keep it that way.”

“She’s…your daughter?”

“Incredible observation skills, General Hux,” Kylo retorts, sitting back down on the couch.

“Your biological daughter?”

“Do all Imperials ask such personal questions?” The Knight raises a frustrated eyebrow but Hux isn’t intimidated. “Yes. She is.”

“I see,” Hux says, pondering the implications for a moment before gathering himself. “And, her other parent?”

Kylo’s confident gaze falters as he shakes his head. “Not here. It’s just me. It’s always just been me.”

A single parent. Hux now understands Kylo’s absences, “You have my word that I won’t divulge a single detail about her to anyone.”

Kylo nods courteously, “Thank you. She woke this morning with a headache and I couldn’t leave her. They’re caused by her Force sensitivity, she can’t control her powers properly yet.”

“I gathered. Just like you when you were young?”

“Exactly like me. They’re debilitating if you leave them for too long.”

“And what is the cure, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Kylo seems to hesitate for a moment before answering, “Close contact with someone you share a close Force-bond with.”

“Ah,” Hux rocks back on his heels. “Then I suppose that’s why your own father was such a help with your own headaches.”

Kylo looks down, swallowing hard. “What did you want, Hux?”

“Oh. Yes. Uh.” Hux looks down to his datapad and sees the schedule still waiting to be used in evidence against Kylo’s absence from the meetings but it seems rather redundant now, having seen the gentle side to Kylo that Hux never knew existed. “The…uh. I just came to inform you of what went on in today’s briefings.”

“The budget and armoury meetings,” Kylo says, sitting forward. “I would have been there but Mira—”

“No, no. I understand, Ren. If I had a daughter, she would come first too.”

The Knight’s young face becomes unreadable as he stands up and closes the gap between them, standing so close to Hux that he’s able to count the moles on his face.

“Your understanding means a lot to me, General Hux,” Kylo says, sounding more like the co-commander that Hux has come to know instead of the soft, fatherly voice that he’s just been speaking in, making Hux feel almost privileged to have heard it. “I hope…I hope we can improve our relationship from now on.”

Hux has to resist the urge to flinch when Kylo thrusts his hand out at him, thinking that he’s going to hit him but he’s offering a handshake, clearly one of truce in their bickering wars.

“I hope so too, Master Ren,” Hux takes Kylo’s hand and shakes it, feeling as though he’s meeting the young man for the first time.

Their gaze holds longer than socially acceptable for two people who aren’t lovers but it doesn’t make Hux uncomfortable in the slightest; he welcomes Kylo’s beautiful eyes upon him.

“I’d better be leaving,” Hux says, pulling his hand free of Kylo’s. “I’ll have the briefings summaries and sent to your datapad for your reading.”

“Thank you,” Kylo smiles.

Hux turns and leaves before the bright red blush can take over his face, now enamoured by Kylo instead of angered. Their reconciling handshake may have built bridges between them but it also seems to have carved out a soft spot for the young, single father. And as he walks back to his office, Hux wonders what the perameters are for courting someone who is a feared Knight and a gentle father. He’s going to make it his mission to spend more time with Kylo; his budding feelings for him demands it.

Back in his chambers, Kylo finds himself smiling like a fool at the door when his daughter’s voice disturbs his thoughts.

“Daddy?”

Kylo turns around, finding Mira hugging the doorframe, standing on her tip-toes as though trying to be as tall her father.

“What is it, little one?” Kylo scoops her up and holds her on his hip, kissing her cheek.

Mira looks to the door, “I like him.”

Kylo smiles, following her gaze and sighing. “Me too, sweetheart.”

[chudleycanonficfest]

Fluffy Town

Day 27, Post #1 by @adenei

Title: Fluffy Town

Author: adenei

Pairing: Dean & Seamus BrOTP (and Gryffindor pals)

Prompt: A Friendship Like No Other

Rating: K

TW: None :)

A/N: Inspired by Troy and Abed’s BrOTP on the TV show, Community, where the boys are bored and decide to make a blanket fort during their sleepover!

**************

Now that the Yule Ball was over and Christmas had come and passed, all the hype and excitement had died down. The Hogwarts students were becoming bored and restless for the remainder of the holidays since there were only so many places to roam around the castle. And because they were in the full throes of winter, this made for an even greater limitation on activities to partake in, and most students weren’t interested in studying over break.

So, Dean and Seamus found themselves sprawled out on a couple of armchairs in the Gryffindor common room just after lunch, staring at the gold tiles on the ceiling. Their limbs hung off the cushioned furniture in unnatural forms, dangling in the air as small huffs and sighs became louder with every exhale.

“Will you two stop it with your moaning?” admonished Parvati from across the room.

“We’re just bored,” Seamus replied. “You don’t happen to have any ideas to keep us occupied this afternoon, do you?”

He wiggled his eyebrows, nonverbally suggesting a proposition that made both girls scoff in disgust.

“Gross, Shay,” Lavender rolled her eyes at his remark.

“That’s not what you were saying the other night,” Seamus smirked.

“Yes, when you were dressed in your finest robes and charming, acting like a true gentleman. Now, you’re just a frog again,” Lavender gave it right back to him.

“A frog?” Seamus wrinkled his nose, not fully understanding Lav’s reference, looking to Dean for clarification.

“It’s a muggle fairy tale that involves a princess and a frog and having to—”

“Yeah, alright, I’m bored again. What are we going to do?” 

Dean sat up in the chair and stared into the crackling flames of the fire, an idea forming in his mind.

“Oh, what if we go upstairs, change into our pajamas and build a blanket fort!”

Seamus moved to sit up a little too fast at Dean’s suggestion and landed on the floor. Despite falling, a wide smile erupted onto his face at the idea. 

“That’s brilliant, mate! How didn’t we think of that sooner?”

The boys scrambled to their feet to escape up the boy’s staircase when a derisive laugh stopped them.

“A blanket fort? What are you, seven?” Lavender insulted while Parvati giggled at her jab.

Dean and Seamus paid no mind to the negative comment, and instead, Dean invited them to join.

“You can come up in an hour or so and hang out if you want! You’ve gotta be dressed in your jammies, though, or we won’t permit entry.”

“I think we’re good. We’ll find something more suitable for teenagers to do,” Parvati dismissed the invitation.

“Well, have fun reading your old magazines and doing your nails, then,” Seamus shrugged as they disappeared up to the fourth-year’s dorm.

A few hours later, the boys were sitting inside an oasis surrounded by cotton and polyester blends. Their original attempt only spanned the area between their beds, but Seamus thought to ask the house-elves in the kitchens if they could borrow some extra blankets for their endeavours. The elves were more than happy to oblige, and by the time Dean and Seamus returned to their dorm, there were two large stacks of linens for them to hang. 

The original area then expanded to cover the entirety of the boy’s dorm. In order to conserve the number of blankets they had, Dean had the brilliant idea to unhook the curtains on the four-poster beds and utilize those first. An array of golds, crimsons, beiges and greys engulfed the open space as the colors reflected in the glow of the bell-jar lights the boys were using for more brightness.

With deep sighs of satisfaction, the pair sat back against their beds, admiring their hard work. The only downside to the fort was that the ceilings were a little too low. If they sat fully erect, their heads were only two inches shy of the blankets over them.

Dean turned to Seamus, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

Seamus hung his head and nodded. “We’re too old for this, aren’t we?”

“Yeah…” Dean agreed.

But then a thought crossed his mind, and an imperceptible smile donned his face. “What if we used our brooms to help extend the ceiling, so it doesn’t drop so low where there isn’t a bedpost to keep it up? That would vault the ceiling a couple feet!”

“That’ll make it work for a teen—NO! A man!” Seamus added.

The boys looked at each other and broke out into a song to pump them up for the remodel.

“Ba-boo ga-boo, boo-chee. Ba-boo ja-boo, boo-boo tee!”

Seamus broke out into more beatboxing as Dean took over with a melody that featured a robotic voice.

Their efforts were successful, and the blanket fort became more spacious as a result. Now, they could enjoy the space until they had to go down for dinner. The two were in the middle of playing the muggle card game, War, when they heard the door open.

“Holy hippogriffs, what is this?!” Neville said upon returning to the dormitory.

Dean and Seamus both looked at each other. It was clear that both boys hadn’t thought about what would happen when their mates returned. Using two separate openings in the fort, they popped their heads through to acknowledge the newcomer.

“We made a blanket fort!” Dean explained as the shock on Neville’s face transitioned to glee.

“This is brilliant! Can I join?”

Dean and Seamus shared a look. In their excitement and haste, they’d forgotten about their three roommates. They couldn’t exactly tell Neville ‘no’ since he lived there too. Plus, it might be fun to have all the boys participate. More people would mean more options for card games. Seamus nodded, and Dean looked back to Neville.

“You may enter as long as you follow the rules: No magic, no farting, and no pillow fighting.”

“And only if you can get some hot chocolate from the kitchen, first!” Seamus requested, awarding him a side-eye from Dean.

“Y-yeah, sure! I’ll be back in a jiff!”

When Neville left, he must have spread the word to the other Gryffindors about the fort. Harry and Ron returned with Neville to join in on the fun, and Ron’s older brothers followed to scope it out. Dean and Seamus were fine with Harry and Ron inviting Hermione into the fort, and by that time, Lavender and Parvati’s interest got the better of them, and they joined in too. 

When it was time for dinner, it was evident that the blanket fort idea spread to the rest of Gryffindor, and they were popping their heads into the other dorm rooms to see what their peers had come up with. Professor McGonagall was beside herself when all of Gryffindor showed up to the Great Hall in their nightclothes, but the twinkle in Professor Dumbledore’s eye quelled her reprimanding. 

Chatter gradually spread to students in Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, and it was confirmed by Ernie and Padma the next morning that their houses had joined in on the fun. The inter-house blanket forts were enough to cause the holiday lull to subside, and the houses came together to offer different events and activities to join over the next two days.

On the third day, however, the news had spread that Slytherin began making their own blanket forts, and Dean and Seamus had to make a difficult decision.

“Surely, we can co-exist?” Dean asked with hope threaded in his voice.

Seamus shook his head and looked to the rest of his dorm-mates. “We know the ways of the world. The blanket forts have officially mainstreamed. What’s next? Will the professors  join, as well?”

Loud grumbles were heard among their peers at the horrifying thought.

“No, we can’t allow this to spread any further. We’ve had our fun, and the new term begins in two days. It is time.”

Dean nodded in solidarity. No one wanted this to be the end, but they all knew a good thing can’t last forever.

“Alright, team. You know what to do. Spread the word, but watch yourselves and be safe. We don’t need another sock war erupting for this act of sacrifice.”

Harry, Neville, Ron, Hermione, Parvati and Lavender nodded at Dean’s words and dispersed throughout the castle to notify the others. Meanwhile, Dean and Seamus crawled to opposite corners of the fourth-year fort and reached up to latch onto the emergency release socks. On the count of three, both boys pulled, and the blankets came tumbling down around them.

The best friends lay there in the pile of sheets, mourning the loss of what will be remembered as the greatest Christmas hols that Hogwarts has ever seen. Ignoring the mess that would need to be taken care of eventually, they enjoyed each other’s company as the soft swish of blankets crumpling to the ground could be heard throughout the castle. 

[revolutionary-demosthenes]

4th of July: John Laurens and Slavery, and why we shouldn’t idolize him

I’ve written several drafts of posts trying to explain John Laurens’s complicated relationship with slavery and, in a broader sense, how the hypocrisy of freedom for our country--while denying the freedom of enslaved people--has led directly to the situation we find ourselves in now, in terms of race in America.

I’ve struggled with even going there, because I’m trying to focus on the present now, not the past. But I firmly believe that America can only fix its present once we’ve faced our past. And I want this information on my blog. John Laurens was not a perfect man, not even close. He was an abolitionist, yes. But how he came to these views is complicated and his personal conduct towards African-Americans is often troubling. Too often, in fact, the racist ideas of his era are visible in his writings.

There’s lots out there about not glorifying or idolizing historical figures, such as Thomas Jefferson, Washington, and other slave-owners.

This is becoming particularly clear today, with the truth of violent systemic racism in America finally becoming more fully recognized. When people watch videos of a black man begging for his life under the knee of a policeman, that brutality becomes undeniable.

But John Laurens is often exempt from this “historical disclaimer” of sorts. In the world of the Hamilton fandom and even more broadly in history, he becomes The Abolitionist, a White Savior figure who abhorred slavery and fought for racial justice, no exceptions, no fine print.

But there is a fine print for John Laurens. And it is a vital one to examine, because it shows us the importance of carrying our beliefs into our personal lives, not just our political ones.

First, let’s acknowledge the circumstances John was born into.

South Carolina, where he was born in 1754, was a southern colony, and as such relied mainly on agriculture in its economy. The rich plantation owners were the pinnacle of society. Washington’s family is an example of one such rich and powerful plantation owning family. The wealth and standing in society of these men led to positions in the government. And a man who illustrates this perfectly is none other than Henry Laurens.

Henry Laurens, John Laurens’s father, was, despite his pleading to the contrary, a significant slave owner and slave trader. Though in his private life he claimed to dislike slavery, he co-owned the largest slave-trading house in North America, Austin & Laurens. It doesn’t matter what he thought, or claimed to think. What matters is what he did.

Henry Laurens owned between close to three hundred slaves. His attitude toward the treatment of his own slaves was dehumanizing, self-righteous, and willfully ignorant. He chose to look upon himself as a “good” slave owner, rather than actually face the horrors he was perpetrating. He wrote in a letter that he’d rather treat his slaves “with Humanity” and make “less Rice” than “submit to the Charge of one who should make twice as much rice & exercise any degree of Cruelty towards those poor Creatures who look up to their Master as their Father, their Guardian, & Protector.” What Henry is trying to say here (to my reading) is that he’d rather his plantation produce less of a crop and not work his slaves too hard than treat his slaves cruelly to produce more profit.

Henry Laurens, in an attitude that is all too familiar today,  consistently chose to think of himself as an exception to the problem rather than as part of the problem. He was quick to talk up abolition and condemn cruel treatment of enslaved people. But when it came to his own slaves, he insisted that “my Servants are as happy as Slavery will admit of, none run away, the greatest punishment to a defaulter is to sell him.”

I don’t know how John’s mother, Eleanor Ball Laurens, viewed slavery, but she also came from a large slave-owning family. Even if she personally didn’t approve of the practice wholeheartedly, she benefitted directly from slavery and married someone in the slave trade.

So this is the life John Laurens was born into. A life of incredible privilege, sourced directly from the the slave trade and the labor of kidnapped and enslaved Africans. This is the first thing that needs acknowledging in terms of John’s relationship with slavery. He was able to accomplish much of what he did because of his social standing and wealth as the son of a very powerful South Carolinian, powerful mostly because of his standing in Southern society.

John was able to get his education in Europe because of slavery. He was able to use his father’s influence to become an aide-de-camp to George Washington. His social standing and quality of life all stood upon the backs of slaves.

Because of this background, John was exposed to the brutal truths of slavery since he could understand the world around him. Is this how he came into his abolitionist views? It absolutely could be. But it is more likely that John first became serious about abolition when he was taken to Europe for his education. He attended a school in Geneva, a cosmopolitan place that was very open to new ideas. Being an abolitionist was not considered as radical there as it was in the Southern Colonies, and there was more writing on the subject of abolition, including a poem by Thomas Day, an abolitionist patriot, whom John was friends with.

So John’s serious thoughts on abolition may have partly been a product of being away from a place where slavery seen as a part of life and being in a place which was more open to abolition. John may have thought slavery wrong for a long time, but lacked adequate support to be vocal about it.

Significantly though, John did not abandon his beliefs when he returned to America. He continued to be a vocal abolitionist, and unlike his father Henry, confronted actual slave owners and tried to convince them to free their slaves… including his boss, General George Washington.

He also converted Lafayette into an ardent abolitionist, and Lafayette, even after Laurens’s death, stuck to these beliefs. He later in life even bought a plantation and ran it with the labor of paid black people, to prove it could be done.

But once we get to the war, we must also talk about Shrewsberry.

John didn’t own slaves, technically. But his father dispatched two of his slaves to serve as John’s valets during the war, one of whom was named Shrewsberry. (Something to note: I am not sure if these slaves were paid or not. I would assume not, and I have yet to find a record of payment, if it did exist. But if anyone knows more about this, I would love to know the answer, as it’s an important question to think about.)

This alone would mar John’s “perfect abolitionist” image, but it gets more disturbing when you consider how John viewed and treated his valets. I should mention we don’t have a ton of evidence of their living conditions, but what we do have is distressing.

On to the primary evidence: if you read the correspondence between John and his father, a funny/not funny pattern is that John is always requesting clothes, fabric, hair powder, etc., from his father. He usually thanked his father for these items. But here is a quote from a letter John wrote to his father on December 15th, 1777: “Berry received a hunting shirt and a check shirt. If there be any difficulty in getting him winter clothes I believe he can do without.” So while John advocated for black Americans in his public life, his private conduct tells differently.

And this is further evidenced when, after Laurens’ death in 1782, Thadeus Kosciuszco wrote to Nathaniel Greene that John’s slaves (his father's technically, as explained above) were “nacked” and that they were in need of “shirts jackets Breeches.” (“nacked” meaning “naked.”)

While John Laurens was certainly more enlightened than the average man of his time on the subject of slavery, he still had trouble connecting his broader ideas of freedom and emancipation to his personal life. He also wrongly blamed Shrewsberry for the loss of a hat, writing to his father, “Shrewsberry says his hat was violently taken from him by some soldiers as he was carrying his horses to water. If James will be so good as to send him his old laced hat by the bearer I hope he will take better care of it.” The blame for this incident obviously lies upon the soldiers who stole Shrewsberry’s hat, but John acts like Shrewsberry was in the wrong, or somehow that having the hat “violently taken” indicated that Shrewsberry was not taking care of the hat. The automatic and unjust condemnation of Shrewsberry again speaks to how John did have the prejudices of his time period in his head, even as he fought against them in a broader sense.

Later in the war, John left Washington in favor of his home state, South Carolina. He wanted to raise a regiment of slaves to fight for the patriot cause, who would then be emancipated for their service. John had written his father about the idea earlier, saying,

“I would bring about a twofold good, first I would advance those who are unjustly deprived of the Rights of Mankind to a State which would be a proper Gradation between abject Slavery and perfect Liberty—and besides I would reinforce the Defenders of Liberty with a number of gallant Soldiers—Men who have the habit of Subordination almost indelibly impress’d on them, would have one very essential qualification of Soldiers—I am persuaded that if I could obtain authority for the purpose I would have a Corps of such men trained, uniformly clad, equip’d and ready in every respect to act at the opening of the next Campaign…”

Reading through this carefully, we can see some ideas expressed here that are important to note. Firstly, “proper Gradation between abject Slavery and perfect Liberty.” This means that though John did want to free the slaves, he did not think that black people should have the “perfect Liberty” that whites enjoyed. Additionally, when John writes, “Men who have the habit of Subordination indelibly impress’d on them” he is suggesting (to my reading) that because slaves were constantly treated as inferior, they would be good soldiers (I assume because soldiers have to obey their commanding officers.) Honestly, this reads to me like John wanting to take advantage of the cruelty slaves endured because “They’re used to it.”

Henry wrote back that what John was offering was hardly better than slavery, again assuming his attittude of “my slaves are happy.”

John wrote a long letter in return, explaining his reasoning and also basically being like, “dad please support me, dad, please.” But there are also some phrases here, in his letter defending his abolitionist views, that are revealing about the prejudices John harbored. 

He writes, “I confess, indeed, that the minds of this unhappy species must be debased by a servitude, from which they can hope for no relief but death, and that every motive to action but fear, must be nearly extinguished in them.”

Note John’s reference to slaves as a “species” rather than a race. (And, by the way, race is a social construct, not an actual biological thing.) The belief that blacks and whites were separate species was common at the time, and often used by slave traders to justify their actions. And this bit of writing shows that even if John didn’t really believe this wholeheartedly, he at least had the idea in his head. However, later in the letter John does use “race” so it’s a little unclear what he actually believed.

And we can see the belief that black people were not as intellectually capable as white people, owing to their enslavement.

Gregory Massey puts it this way: “Young Laurens reasoned that blacks were not innately inferior to whites; rather, their apparent mental deficiencies resulted from generations of enslavement.”

John goes on, “I have had the pleasure of conversing with you, sometimes, upon the means of restoring [the slaves] to their rights. When can it be better done, than when their enfranchisement may be made conducive to the public good, and be modified, as not to overpower their weak minds?”

What sticks out here is, of course, the assertion that the slaves had “weak minds.”

Essentially, John thought that once black people were allowed to live free, “rescued from a state of perpetual humiliation” as he put it in the same letter, their nature would change to more like whites. Black Patriots and Loyalists: Fighting for Emancipation in the War for Independence by Alan Gilbert states, 

“Nonetheless, John Laurens retained a slave-owner’s perspective about the psychology of blacks at the time. In a 1776 letter to his father, he ignored manifold black acts of resistance and their hunger to be free: ‘There may be some inconvenience and even Danger in advancing Men suddenly from a State of Slavery while possessed of the manners and Principals incident to such a State... too suddenly to the Rights of freedman. [T]he example of Rome suffering from Swarms of bad citizens who were freedmen is a warning to us to proceed with caution.’ [...] The son insisted, however, on the principal that slavery is simply wrong, the immoral shackling of another: ‘The necessity for it is an Argument of the complete Mischief occasioned by our continued Usurpation.’”

But the same book also says, “John Laurens was a practical abolitionist. Favored by nature and fortune, he chose no easy path. He could, for instance, have worked for Washington, recruited a company of white soldiers as his father urged, and still have advocated for the “public good.” Instead, he committed himself to the nobler course of fighting determinedly for abolition.”

However, “18th century abolitionist” usually did not mean someone who believed black and white people were equal and should have the same rights. It meant that you wanted to end slavery. The difference between these views often gets blurred for John Laurens. Saying that John Laurens was an abolitionist is accurate, but he probably did not believe that black and white people should have the exact same rights, at least not at first. That needs to be acknowledged. John was an abolitionist, but it is unclear how much equality he really wanted. 

Only paying attention to his anti-slavery professional life also leads to the idea that it is safe to idolize Laurens, rather than critically examine his complex views on race. The idea forms that he is the one white man from the 18th century we can be fully proud of. The one we can say is our beautiful cinnamon roll without having to confront his relationship with slavery. The fact that John Laurens wanted to help enslaved people gain their freedom doesn’t change the ways in which he benefited from white supremacy, nor how he treated his personal servants, nor the racist ideas he expressed in some of his writings.

This does not mean Laurens was evil, or that you can’t like and admire parts of him. By the standards of other revolutionary figures, like the aforementioned Jefferson and Washington (and Madison and Hamilton to an extent*) Laurens was remarkably enlightened. But also, that in itself is terrible. Like, the idea of a “good guy” from the 18th century is still one that believed that black people had “weak minds” owing to their enslavement. 

If we truly want to reckon with the racial sins of America, and how they originated, we need to see figures like Laurens for all they were. Not just the noble abolitionist, but also the inherently privileged white man whose righteous public crusade was enabled by the very system it sought to end, slavery. We also need to see him as the extremely wealthy young man who regarded the command of his servants as part of the natural order of his life.

I didn’t write this solely for history. John’s story is a reminder to all allies that actions based on our beliefs are important to make in our private lives, as well as public. Yes, it’s important to advocate for racial justice in our public and professional lives. But it’s also important to examine and be honest about our own forms of privilege and the ways in which we have internalized the racism of the world around us. All white people in America benefit from slavery and the systems it was built upon, even those whose forebears came to America long after slavery was abolished. I firmly believe that a step forward for racial justice in the US is simply to acknowledge privilege, because we cannot fix a broken system until we realize all the ways in which it is broken.