#this post isn’t really for anyone but myself XD

[starkittnd93]

I know this is such a weird crossover but imagine if Temenos and Mirabelle met

I don’t think they’d really get along at first. As a devout maiden of the House of Change, Temenos being a cleric yet having such a distrust of the church would be kinda. confusing? Mirabelle understands that different people practice religion in many different ways, yet … the way Temenos talks about his church is definitely not something she’d expect. Why would someone meant to represent the church doubt his own god?

The thing is, Temenos believes in the gods. It’s just that he doesn’t trust the church. While there’s nothing wrong with the religion or the gods themself, the church is still capable of hurting people, as it’s led by flawed people — flawed people who have the potential to be corrupt and do bad things while bending the rules and teachings of the religion to benefit themselves.

While the House of Change is NOWHERE near Octopath levels of corruption (not even close lmao) the way the change belief is upheld is still capable of hurting people. Mirabelle herself is a prime example of this, considering how she genuinely believed that her being aroace was a moral failing, and proceeded to try. to fix herself?

She eventually gets to the point of realizing that while being a follower of Change ultimately is a good thing for her, the way it’s practiced should be up for criticism, as it has the potential to make people feel like it’s wrong to be comfortable with themselves as they are.

Mirabelle talks about bringing this up with the Head Housemaiden (Again, the environment there is way nicer than the octopath churches-) and Temenos just smiles like. Yeesssss she learned to doubt!! (But in the healthy way lol)

tldr:

Temenos 🤝Mirabelle

Being religious, yet also having their own problems with the church

[thesmollestsnek]

Death echoes

So a while ago, i found this dp x dc post that had a really interesting lore headcanon for Danny’s ghostly wail. Idk if I’ll be able to find it again, I’ll link it here if I do, but essentially it posited that every ghost has something called a “death echo”, which is an ability unique to them based heavily on their deaths. These echoes are the most powerful move in a ghost’s moveset, but they’re also extremely volatile and draining, typically damaging the ghost in some way when used, with Danny’s being his Wail because he died screaming. The original post then went on to some really cool halfa!Jason ideas based on these death echoes, but for this lil snippet with an extremely long intro I’d like to focus on Danny a bit more.

Edit: Apparently I may have extrapolated a lot of the actual lore behind these death echos myself? The inspiration post was a lot longer in my memories. Or I might've mushed multiple posts into one mental box and then forgot lol. So a lot of the actual detail from this point on is seemingly mostly original material? I think? Idk man, sometimes my brain spits out information without giving me any clues as to where it got that information. Anyway, this post got kinda long and since I'm... decently sure this is where I shifted from summarizing @ailithnight's post to writing all my own thoughts I figured here would be a good place to throw the cut lol.

So! with all of the context-for-the-context out of the way, let’s move on to the actual context for what I’m writing cause I can’t be bothered with writing an intro XD

Essentially, this is an au where Danny is an established member of the Justice League, or maybe one of the teen hero teams? I’m a slut for eternal teenager Danny, but maybe he’s enough of a powerhouse to be on the main team despite him both looking and acting like the dumbass fourteen year old he died as. Either way, he’s on a League/League-sanctioned mission and things go bad. Like, everyone-almost-dies bad. And so as a final desperation attack, Danny uses his Wail, a power he’s never told anyone on the league he even has. And it works, and they make it out, but after the fact everyone has. Questions. And because in this au death echoes are deeply personal, Danny dodges those questions, but the league coughbatmancough isn’t satisfied with that. So they push for answers. Answers Danny’s not willing to give, because. In my mind death echoes aren’t just based on how a person died, but also their experience of that death. What their last thoughts were. When Danny died the only thing that he could process beyond just an all-encompassing painpainpainpainpain was the sound of someone screaming. His screaming. And so his death echo is the sound of a fourteen year old child screaming in deathly pain and terror weaponized, which definitely gave the league Even More Questions than they would’ve had already. Which finally brings us to the actual snippet, which is a conversation between John Constantine, who was brought in for his experience with the supernatural once it became clear Danny wasn’t going to talk, and Danny himself. 

~~~~~~~

“So, kid. Batsy tells me you’ve been hiding some of your abilities, wanna tell me what's up with that? Call it an occultist's intuition, but somethin’ tells me you’re not just being stubborn for the hell of it.”

“It’s... complicated. And not anyone’s business, either!”

“Kid...”

“Why does it even matter?! It’s not something I want to or am even able to do on a regular basis! I saved the mission, can’t they just accept that and move on???”

Sighing, Constantine reached up to start massaging his brow. “Kid, you and I both know that ain’t gonna be enough. Now I know that some things are better left alone, but the rest of these idiots? They can’t accept that, Batsy especially. That man’s never left bloody well enough alone in his life”

He looked up just in time to see the otherworldly teen shrink into himself, looking every bit the child he was. “I know but... why? Why do they need to keep asking questions? And why do they only ask the ones that hurt to answer?”

A sharp glance. “The fuck kinda questions are they asking? Batman was speaking in more grunt than word, so I didn’t really catch all the details of what this power you’re supposedly hiding even is.”

Phantom shrinks even more into himself at that, and responds in a voice so small it’s more sigh than speech. “I... I can scream. And it breaks things and pushes people back. But it, it sounds. Bad. And it brings up bad memories and I don’t like to do it or listentoitoreventhinkaboutitandtheywon’tletmeforgetand-”

“Breathe kid. I know you don’t need to but just take a deep breath with me. Don’t you go getting lost in your own head on me now., Constantine reassured the kid automatically, the sheer hopelessness prompting action long before the words themselves could be understood. Then the rest of him caught up, and he had to pause. Looked up at the kid, saw just how distressed he was. A picture was starting to form in the back of his head, and Constantine didn’t like what he saw one bit. A last-resort power that the normally open Phantom was strangely reticent about. A scream so horrible sounding the rest of the league would not to stop asking questions about it. Terrible memories to match said scream. And one truly miserable child who couldn’t bear to even think about any of it. 

“Phantom... is that your Echo? Screaming?”

A miserable nod is his only response, the tears that had been welling up in the kid’s eyes finally starting to fall. Cursing softly to himself, Constantine stood to leave, bracing himself for the Bat’s inevitable questioning. “Well then you just take all the time you need love, and leave the rest to me. I’ll make sure the rest of those idiots know not to ask you about this ever again.”  And with that Constantine turned and strode towards the door, leaving the quietly sobbing child to collect himself in privacy.

~~~~~

I had a whole-ass lore dump conversation between Constantine and Batman planned here, explaining how death echoes are deeply personal, and asking about one is a taboo on par with, potentially even worse than, asking a ghost about their death outright. Because they are formed from an amalgamation of how a ghost died, their last thoughts, and their final emotions, in some ways asking a ghost about their Echo is like asking them to describe their death in painstaking detail. But uhhh... inspiration bug left. So yea. Side note, I’d like to apologize if my depiction of Constantine’s accent was Bad, I’m but a lowly USAmerican whose only exposure to British accents is through tv ^-^’

[chaggie4ever]

Ok I need to get this off my chest: people need to stop hating on my girl for her final performance against Lute. Vaggie has been out of practice for 3.5 YEARS (42 months), during which she lost her depth perception and wings and hid her identity, which definitely limited her ability to train (not even accounting for the psychological torment and phantom pains). Meanwhile Lute has been living her best life in heaven, likely training every day to keep her position and fully intact.

She has one month to prepare and learn some basic self defense. Now mind you, training montages are hilarious because after the first week if you’re doing it right you probably can barely move out of soreness XD (the ONLY accurate portrayal I’ve seen was on Galavant, which everyone should watch - it’s a medieval musical with a similar tone to HH). I’ll cover more on her and Carmilla separately.

Then Lute proceeds to watch the entire final battle while Vaggie is busy killing at least four angels by my count. When they fly up to Adam and Lute, she immediately sucker stabs Dazzle, dropping them hundreds of feet and disarming Vaggie in the process.

Despite all of this, Vaggie is able to stop a full force sword charge directly at her eye bare handed. She deflects several more vicious blows, using tools in her environment to help (shard of glass, radio). Yes she is losing. She is unarmed and see above… also unused to fighting with long hair even pulled up XD (as an aside, I absolutely LOVE how Carmilla pulls her hair down the moment Vaggie complains when training lol).

She gets a few more face cuts while we watch Charlie stab Adam, and ends up on the ground reaching for her weapon, which Lute uses to stab her hand before stupidly leaving it while gloating. Yes, Lute could (and should) have ended her here. I have a few separate theories on why that did not happen (later post). But regardless of the reasoning, Lute’s hubris left Vaggie alive enough to goad her second wind by mentioning Charlie. And Vaggie was SMARTER (and ultimately more spirited).

Now the tables have turned but Vaggie spared Lute, more out of spite than kindness but ultimately because of Charlie. Lute only has her left arm pinned; she should have stopped the spear but basically asked for death. This is also deserving of it’s own analysis but I think all angels hate themselves :(

Vaggie leaves and when she no longer has her undivided attention, Lute is irate enough to rip off her arm and pin her. Vaggie isn’t fighting at this point, she’s trying to get to Charlie but was sucker punched/tackled. Pretty understandable imho… interesting theories that Lute may have ironically saved Vaggie’s life here. I love her but she’s not stronger than Adam :( I’ll keep these Yuri headcannons to myself for now XD

Ironically, I think this may end very badly for Vaggie and Chaggie (if Lute kills anyone I will kill everyone and then myself), especially after Adam’s death. We haven’t even seen Vaggie cry but Lute now has. The same girl who just pulled her own arm off in sheer rage (seriously what’s up with her brute strength XD).

But ultimately, while I don’t feel comfortable saying Vaggie properly won this fight, she did a damn good job with what she had available and people need to stop hating on this character! Lute definitely did not win. And I’m REALLY hoping for a proper rematch because given Lute’s HATRED, she clearly feels at least challenged by Vaggie, one of Adam’s “best girls” who likely had at least Lute’s 275 kills annually… AND/OR she was dumped right before Vaggie’s last extermination and all the yuri 😍🥰😘😇🤣

[quillyfied]

Alright, reacting messy and all over the place to this trailer, LET’S GO:

Okay, strong opening: hooded figures (one of whom is checking his watch, which is hilarious, but the skin of the hand also looks red, so probably demons?), red background (good argument for Pride), Blitzo getting IMP out of dodge and then IMMEDIATELY crashing the van, good for you bud I’m so proud (but not as proud as I am of Moxxie chewing Blitzo out without a single “sir” thrown in there). Couldn’t begin to guess when this takes place, but since the van is crunched up later during a bit that is, I am 99% sure, Ghostfuckers, then this is probably Apology Tour. Hooded figures might not have anything to do at all with the gang running for it.

FIZZ THERE IS SUCH A THING AS A SEX TOY THAT IS TOO BIG. I’m not sure if you’ve found it but it’s close :P Lots of fun little clips, though Moxxie dodging a blue fire explosion in Lust doesn’t look good.

DHORKS AND CHERUB WORKING TOGETHER I KNEW IT I HECKING KNEW IT I’M SO MAD I NEVER MADE A POST ABOUT IT BECAUSE I’VE BEEN SO CERTAIN OF IT FOR MONTHS NOW. AAAARGH. AND I CAN’T PROVE IT!! But look at Collin, he looks so unsure compared to the other two. Poor guy. Okay, Blitzo is leaving a card of some sort in front of Agent One, and he’s using the crystal, so this is very much giving me Mastermind vibes (or even Sinsmas, if it's after the conflict and this is just Blitzo messing with them now). Humans being able to open a portal to Hell…that ain’t good!

Something coming at the gang from…looks like their office? And it’s round and spiky…could be whatever it is that’s making them go on the run, whenever that is (Apology Tour is my current guess).

CLETUS IS IRON MAN NOW.

(Listen I’ve been having visions about Blitzo being on trial for stirring up so much crap in the human world that it’s started to have repercussions in Hell so the fact that there seems to be a meeting or trial of some sort later having to do with Stolas is making me think maybe I’m a prophet. I’ll maybe explain more later in a different post but dropping it here bc it’s part of my thought process right now.)

Blitzo why did you give your fake ID such a rack and then neglect it as part of your human disguise XD I’m disappointed in you, babe. I’m also wondering what in the unholy hell a demon wants with a haunted house on Earth (and if that’s Leviathan like many people have been speculating, what is A DEADLY SIN doing in a HAUNTED HOUSE on EARTH???). (Also that is the single most awkward angle of Blitzo of all time, why on earth is he wearing white leggings because if he was naked we would be seeing some pixelation here…unless imps can retract their junk, which I’m open to.)

Ooh, quick shot of Loona operating a machine gun in Lust! Nice! (Hey quick Q where’s Blitzo in all of this??)

Helloooooo, Vassago! Excited to meet you! Really looks like there’s some sort of trial or meeting in Pride and Stolas might be either the topic of discussion or literally on trial, and it wouldn’t surprise me at all to have Andrealphus trying to get Stolas demoted or something similar without Stolas even being there. So Vassago actually wanting him present looks good on him for now. But this is a trailer, things can be misleading, but anyone who looks that fed up when dealing with Andrealphus can’t be all that bad :P Thinking this is also during Mastermind, or possibly Sinsmas.

Okay, first really significant shot I’m noticing of short-sleeve Blitzo makes me think it might be Full Moon, because he’s sort of off to the side while the focus is on Stolas talking about how this transactional thing between them isn’t right anymore. Though. Hmm. Stolas is in full regalia for this. And there’s a shot later of short-sleeve Blitzo trying to go for Stolas’ hand and winding up outside (portal? Didn’t seem like it) and Stolas is in his robe when that happens. Musical number with metaphorical sequences? I am jumping in here to correct myself bc I forgot that Stolas’ fancy cloak and romper are both red. Heck. Why does this show only have two colors XD

Sun/moon seems to be during Apology Tour, if that’s when Stolas and Verosika are on a stage together.

And short-sleeve Blitzo with a Dankee Candle, good on you man XD (that’s been one of the more compelling arguments for short-sleeve Blitzo being during Sinsmas, not Full Moon, because gift-giving, but the bits of deep conversation that keep happening with Blitzo in short sleeves sound very much like a conversation that needs to happen during Full Moon and I can’t imagine they’ll wait an entire season for it).

Now the heart-rending bit that’s definitely during a musical number with kiddo Stolitz and then grownup Stolitz, currently voiced over that heart-stabbing “you think you can toy with our feelings because we’re smaller and less important” monologe from Blitzo, it’s FINE I’M FINE (Though…looking really closely…I am not sure if that’s when that monologue occurs? The mouth movements ever so slightly don’t match up. But animation technically has some leeway when it comes to that kind of thing.)

OKAY CALLING IT NOW, TEEN BLITZO AND TILLA SCENE IS DURING GHOSTFUCKERS. I don’t even think it’s a flashback, I just think Blitzo’s brain is being fucked with and he’s seeing his mom and visually reverting back to a teenager. The carpet behind Blitzo and the lighting are mostly what I’m basing this on. Also how fucked up would it be if Blitzo sees a ghost of his mom only for it to reflect his internal monologue about how terrible he is back at him, amirite :P

Okay sassy short-robe Stolas is Apology Tour, calling it now; he and Blitzo have “we’re about to hatefuck” energy off the charts and Stolas in particular is being so bitchy and petty-looking. And angry. And kinda sad. Am I ready for their breakup era to be full of bickering? Yes. Yes I am. I’m also skeptical that the smile that’s on Blitzo’s face during Stolas’ sarcastic little bow is going to be the expression on his face when the episode comes out, but I’m ready to be surprised.

HELLOOOOOO NURSE! YES TODAY SATAN! (Deeply curious about who’s the disgrace, have a current bet going on whether it’s Ozzie or possibly even Stolas, but I could be pleasantly surprised and it’s Mammon :P) Pretty sure the trial/meeting is happening during Sinsmas, actually, it would be too funny to call an episode that when introducing a new Sin. Also short moment to appreciate that Mammon brings fidgets to meetings, of course he does. My guy. My dude. Also his reaction is what makes me think Satan is talking to Ozzie, because Mammon would have no reason to look that gleeful at anyone but Ozzie.

WHERE DID BLITZO GET THAT SWORD THO. (AND ALSO HOW BADLY IS IT ACTUALLY GONNA FUCK UP ANDREALPHUS’ WHOLE DAY BECAUSE THAT’S DEFINITELY ANDREALPHUS ABOUT TO COME DOWN ON THEM LIKE A SACK OF FROZEN HAMMERS) Blitzo trying to protect Stolas, kill me ;A; Stolas looks like he’s in regalia, though sans cloak or hat…why is he at Andrealphus’ place, and why is it looking like he can’t fight back? Stripped of his powers, maybe? Anyway this is Sinsmas, no doubt about it, it’s got season finale energy.

If the haunted house guy is actually Leviathan, I have SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Why is IMP in Lust getting attacked by CHERUB/DHORKS? I have more questions.

“Everyone’s shitty, we live in Hell!” Valid, but also, cop-out.

I’m very curious about what is making Blitzo make that face, because it’s not the cake; it looks like Verosika is cutting it but then she’s also sitting next to him on the railing where he’s sitting, so…? Anyway, it’s Apology Tour, and can I just say how EXCITED I am to get to know more about what happened with Blitzo and Verosika and maybe see some closure for them both on that front? Because YIKES their dynamic means there is a good, juicy story behind it. But also, Blitzo why are you wearing a bloodstained sheet?? (Presumably to sneak around but why did he choose THAT OBJECT, is really my question.)

Millie fighting possibly possessed Blitzo and what appears to be a flashback to Millie and Blitzo’s first fight (could be a time skip but it makes more sense for it to be a flashback given Millie’s hair and Blitzo’s fashion) (side note but dammit why are they both so hot) let me know something new about myself, and it’s how very, very much I want to see Millie and Blitzo kicking the crap out of each other XD Blitzo and Moxxie got to spill their guts in a drug-induced hallucination; I want Blitzo and Millie to fight each other bloody. They’re bonding and sharing deep intimate feelings, guys :P

And the Millie voiceover where she’s telling Blitzo how much he takes from others? Probably during whatever weird hallucination (PLEASE be a hallucination) involves Millie with tied wrists, a branch in her hair, and a ton of glass sticking out of her eye. Ghostfuckers, perhaps? Would make the most sense but how much stuff could that episode POSSIBLY have, oh my word.

(Short-sleeved Blitzo dropping a ton of paperwork on Moxxie also makes me think that’s his date outfit for Full Moon; can’t do this mountain of paperwork, sorry Mox, he has a daaaaate)

Panning to Verosika at the part when she gets to “and leave them worse than when you found them” holy HELL

“Do you feel any remorse for the things you do” yeah somehow I think that’s aimed at Blitzo, y’all. Just from what we’ve seen of Stolas in that particular robe and his general expressions and actions that whole time, and the fact that he seems to be talking to Blitzo (if not an imagining of Blitzo) the whole time. But it panning to Andrealphus about to go super Saiyan does make me laugh super hard actually (bc NO THAT BITCH DOES NOT).

ENTIRE MOMENT OF BREATHLESS SILENCE FOR OCTAVIA CALLING STOLAS OUT. It’s been so complexly beautiful to watch this show not shy away from how much self-hatred and low self-worth hurts loved ones too, and especially to watch that play out with how Octavia and Stolas’ relationship is changing and hurting from Stolas himself changing and hurting, but to have it called out so bluntly really makes me wonder what in the high holy heck is about to happen and when this conversation takes place. I have a horror that it’s during Mastermind or whenever the trial/meeting is, because perhaps Andrealphus and Stella manage to turn Via on Stolas and tell her that whatever is about to happen to Stolas is deserved or for the best, but. Uh. Hmm. Hmmmm. (Because all of Stolas’ power and possessions passing to Via doesn’t mean that Via is old enough or prepared for them and giving them to her would put all that power somewhere that is potentially much easier to manipulate/control, but I have a lot of thoughts about how Stella feels about Via and how that colors how Andrealphus treads around the subject of Via when talking to Stella about her and it’s not for this trailer reaction.)

(Apology Tour involving not just apologizing to Verosika, but to Stolas, too? I can only hope, though it’ll be far from simple; I don’t think Stolitz is going to sort out their issues and get together fully this season, but I’m hoping for some steps.)

(Also PLEASE can we get some Stella development that maybe sheds some dimension on her spoiled brat personality)

VIA SONG VIA SONG VIA SONG VIA SONG (maybe about her own magic and her life and how it all kinda fell apart so fast even as she’s growing up so fast poor girl)

Pretty sure the mirrors shattering thing is happening during the Stolas Apology Tour song, but we’ll see. Gosh there’s gonna be a lot of songs this half of the season.

Millie getting a short is such a good thing for her as a character, but I also love that she’s getting an episode with Blitzo, because out of everyone at IMP, I’ve been waiting for her to be the one that Blitzo has a major breakdown in front of; seems like Ghostfuckers is going to give me my wish! I don’t think she’s gonna coddle him or be overly sweet about it, but I do think she has a way of getting through to him and handling him in a way he wouldn’t let Moxxie do and couldn’t handle Loona doing either. Tough love but sweet? Idk man. Unless this is the moment he starts getting possessed. Who knows.

I am SO CURIOUS about who is going through the movie of Blitzo’s past traumas where he ruins the lives of everyone he loves; I’ve heard speculation that it’s haunted house dude, which would match up with Blitzo having a nervous breakdown in Ghostfuckers, but I dunno.

Oh that soft Blitzo look from under the bloodstained sheet. Oh that happy smiling Stolas that I’m now more convinced is taking place in the same general episode, if not sequentially after each other like that. Blitzo goes from looking so miserable to maybe looking more hopeful. Or perhaps yearning. I’m not sure how to interpret the expression, it’s just really heart-wrenching okay. And Stolas is wearing the same outfit as he is when he’s onstage with Verosika so what even IS this episode.

The very businesslike way Stolas says “Thank you, Blitzo” before he softens up makes me think THAT is what’s gonna finish up the Full Moon argument, but it does make me wonder what on earth Blitzo says that gets Stolas acting the way he does in potentially the very next episode.

Overall it’s a well-produced trailer that I’m sure we’re all going to be dissecting frame by frame for a long time! Whee!

[blackjackkent]

Snippet Sunday

Tagged by @bardic-inspo thank you! :D

Tagging forward: @morganaseren @writer86 @istibaethoriel @shadoedseptmbr @astreamofstars (and anyone else who would like to participate! also apologies to the person i accidentally tagged with a typo XD)

If you'd like me to tag you in memes like this in the future, like this post over here!

Posting a snippet from the next chapter of "Open Your Eyes And It Will Blind You", which I am forcing myself to complete before I allow myself to work on any more oneshots. XD

-----

The caravan sleeps like a litter of puppies. They select a spot, and then the whole crew simply sprawls across it in a disorganized heap of bedrolls and camping supplies and carts. The occasional campfire sends flickering light over the scene. Jaheira volunteers for guard duty more often than not, as it gives her the excuse to skulk moodily at the edge of the encampment and brood - sometimes as herself, sometimes in the form of one creature or another. 

Rasaad comes to find her on the fifth day on the road. Her wildshape tonight is almost invisible in the darkness, a great black wolf that melds with the shadows, padding silently in long restless lines at the edge of the roadway. Hearing his footsteps approaching, she halts abruptly and stares at him with a low, warning growl.

He freezes at once. “I am sorry,” he says softly. “I did not mean to startle you.” When she doesn’t respond, he goes on carefully, “I have been avoiding you, these last days since you caught up with me. I… thought it was time I rectified that - if you would welcome the company.”

The wolf looks back at him in silence, neither objecting nor accepting. A soft grumbling sound rumbles deep in her chest; she pulls her paws under her and sits.

Taking this, cautiously, for acquiescence, he steps forward and sits beside her on a nearby fallen log. “You are angry with me for leaving the way I did,” he says. It isn’t a question. “Perhaps you are right to be. I have spoken to Caden; he is angry as well, and he has less cause than you.”

He scuffs his boot heel absently into the carpet of fallen leaves that covers the ground. Then he mutters, almost too low to hear, "I confess I thought that you would understand."

The wolf snuffs a heavy breath out, lowers herself to a crouched position, resting her head on her paws. Her eyes remain fixed on him, glinting in the intermittent flickers of firelight. 

"Do you think I do not remember when you did the same? When you also ran from us in the night, with only a letter left behind?” he asks, not really expecting a response now. “Caden spoke for us all when we found you again, but do you think he was the only one torn out at the heart? But you had your reasons. I knew it. We all knew it. You had your reasons. As I have…”

Another long silence, and then Jaheira growls low in her throat and shifts, the wildshape melting away from her into the dark. When it is gone, she sits hunched forward at his side, her eyes never having left him. “That was different,” she says quietly.

He visibly relaxes just slightly as her face comes into view, and the hint of a smile pulls involuntarily at his lips. “Tell me how,” he murmurs.

[andreaphobia]

P5R Pilgrimage: Yongen-jaya

Sangen-jaya, actually, but let’s just say I can’t count! 

More pics and screenshot comparisons under the cut! :D

Let’s start things off with the train station.

The street that the Yongen-jaya area is modeled after is a couple-minute walk from the station, and the view up and down the street is pretty familiar. 

Note the signs for ぷくいち / らくまる near the upper right, and the yellow bollards further up the street!

That store exists -- it seems to be a teppanyaki and fuchuyaki (a type of okonomiyaki) place.

The street on which Leblanc should be located is right nearby -- note the cute nod to the real-life signage (Good-Bye Good-Bye vs Good-day Good-day). There’s a snack bar (a type of hostess bar) on this street -- it’s the shop with the round red awning. I’ve read in other posts that the snack bar is aware that the location is visited by P5 fans, and that they’ve got some merch and such inside, but I didn’t visit it myself.

The store in the space where you’d expect Leblanc to be appears to be a takoyaki shop.

I was very much hoping to be able to peek into the laundromat and perhaps buy a drink at the vending machine, but the entrance to the bathhouse is closed up. The location is marked as “temporarily closed” on Google Maps, but from the looks of it it’s probably permanent...

A little further down the street is the Thai restaurant.

This entire street is crafted with uncanny accuracy; it’s really fun having a look around.

Where you might expect to find an old fellow on a bench with a radio...

And a little further down the street, the buildings come together quite tightly.

The lantern is still there!

A little name change never hurt anyone...

Further down the street is the grocery store, Muramasa (actually Niku no Hanamasa).

The name Muramasa’s a bit of a pun -- “murasaki” is the Japanese word for purple or violet, and you’ll notice that they changed the storefront to be purple instead of yellow.

The staircase leading up to the batting cages is also there, albeit on the other side of the store. Unfortunately this place was closed too -- I snuck up the stairs for a little peek around, but didn’t get too far before turning back. (All the signs about cameras freaked me out. xd)

Lastly, this obviously isn’t in Sangen but sorta felt like it made sense to include it in this post: the Aoyama-itchome station.

The fare gate was really the only thing that sort of looked how it does in the game. Apart from that, I think lots of it was changed to make the place look a bit more open visually; IRL it’s a little cramped.

That’s it for this one. I’ll probably do Kichijoji next!

[hushed-chorus]

Trope Grading Game (instead of WIP Wednesday)

Hey folks, and thank you for the tags on Sunday @fatalfangirl @thewholelemon @theearlgreymage @orange-peony @artsyunderstudy @wellbelesbian and @youarenevertooold, and to @cosmicalart for the tag today (thank you for joining us!)

I’m having a slow morning, so when @aristocratic-otter tagged me in this game, I figured it could be a good way to try to ease myself into some writing. So consider this in lieu of my WIP post!

Honestly this was an interesting one to fill out, because I rarely seek out specific romance tropes. I’m always looking for the circumstances that lie beneath. The setting and plotty plot that the tropes are part of. Also, I’ve realised I’m very ignorant about romance tropes, so I may be misreading some of these xD 

Also, most of this is answered in a Snowbaz context, given that’s my only fandom.

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 - don’t care either way

+10 -> very enticed

nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it’s conditional.

Age gap: -5

Broadly, no. Anyone younger than 22 in a relationship with someone significantly older is something I avoid. That being said, my all-time favourite cishet romance is Hazel and Agnes in S1 of The Umbrella Academy. I’ve never wanted a cishet Happily Ever After so much in my whole life lol.

Codependency: +4

Broadly, yes. I enjoy fics that unpick the ways in which a couple are entangled and how that creates challenges, as well as how they may be resolved. I guess in a snowbaz context this often also means fluff, and tbh fluff isn’t my thing unless it’s at the end of a fic full of challenges that they have overcome.

Obsession/Possessiveness, jealousy: +5

Outside of Snowbaz, not really. Within Snowbaz (and thus informed by its canon), yes. Especially when Simon is being an oblivious dufus and Baz is pining.

Opposites (grumpy/sunshine etc): +7

Erm yes, I probably like this more than I previously realised lol. Like, as long as this isn’t the defining characteristic of the two characters, I can really get into it. I love Snowbaz fics that show a playful side to Simon.

Enemies to lovers, Enemies with benefits: +10

Abso-fucking-lutely. Obviously. Hot, lots of strong feelings, tension, angst, yes yes yes.

Friends with benefits: -2

If it’s sex with neither romance nor part of an enemies-to-lovers storyline, I’m not really interested. I’m a romantic at heart.

Sex to feelings: +5

Reasonably neutral as a baseline concept, but this can totally be done very well. It depends on the set dressing that goes with it. Is there conflict? Confusion over said feelings? Something keeping them apart? I love that shit.

Fake dating/relationship: 0

I’ve read good fics that use this concept, but the concept itself doesn’t excite me, so I don’t specifically seek it out.

Friends to lovers: 0

I like enemies to friends to lovers, but I like fics that have tension and uncertainty. Friends with benefits can certainly have that, but for me its not guaranteed to scratch that itch. 

Found Family: -3

I’ve not read any found family in fanfiction, but I’ve not enjoyed it in original fiction. It too often casts found family as a cure to a person’s baggage and past trauma, or just flat-out handles these topics in a way I find deeply uncomfortable (coughthehouseintheceruleanseacough)

Hurt/Comfort: +9

Oh yes yes yes. This is my jam. I like it best, however, when it’s part of a larger fic with other things going on (especially as part of a slow burn).

Love Triangle: 0

I don’t mind it, but it doesn’t appeal in the context of snowbaz. I have a slight aversion to fics where Lamb is part of the love triangle. No shade on anyone who writes that, he is a good canon character to place in that role, but it doesn’t align with my personal HC for Lamb.

Poly, open relationships: -5

I guess I’m way too monoamorous for this. Clone smut, however… 

Mistaken/hidden identity: +10

OMG. Ok so so this is where I probably stray from the point (lol), because I love this in a very specific context. Do we count Baz hiding the fact he’s a vampire in this? Because I LOVE stories where the character has something strange/supernatural about themselves that they are trying to hide, or that they may not even know about themselves in the beginning. And I could see enjoying this in a non-supernatural context (I just love fantasy elements a lot). Outside of Baz being a vampire, I don’t know if this is done much in the Carry On fandom? If anyone has any recs, I’d very much welcome them!

Monsterfucking: +6

As you’ve probably gathered from previous responses, I’m not a big smut person. But I gotta admit, I do like a bit of monsterfucking.

Pregnancy: +4

For someone with zero interest in having kids, I do enjoy a good mpreg fic. Especially when it’s unexpected and the pregnant character is riddled with doubt and uncertainty, leading to some hurt/comfort and angst with a happy ending. 

Second Chance: +2

Hmm. I'm neutral on breaking up and getting back together fics, but getting together later fics can be interesting. But, again (fuck this is my mantra), I’m mostly interested in the surrounding circumstances. What is the canon divergence that kept them apart? This is what will snag my interest.

Slowburn: +10

Yes! I LOVE a long plotty fic with slow burn and all that deliciousness. 

Soulmates: +8

As long as that baby has some angst/uncertainty/misunderstandings, I am all over that shit.

Right! Now I’m off to see if I can make any meaningful progress on my shipwreck COTTA. Happy Wednesday y’all! I won't tag anyone else but if anyone wants to play, please consider this an invite!

[moodymisty]

Hey! How're you doing? I hope you've been able to get some good down time :) If it's ok, I have a bit of a...writing query? How do you know which tense is best to use? I realised that I have a habit of "tense hopping" and that's why I get in a fluster when I write. Is present tense better for writing fics or is this just personal preference? (This is why I draw more than write, I am very rusty with my grammar skills lol, I'll make sure to post some tastefully horny art the ppl will approve of)

(I never know if I should answer these queries public or private, I'll answer public just in case anyone else wants to hear my deranged writing tips)

Uggghhh I'm massively guilty of this as well, especially around like a year ago when I started writing again. I had to go back and revise one of my old posted fics recently because I wrote half in present and half in past.

Putting all this under a readmore because I rambled XD

TL;DR: There really isn't a 'best tense' or anything you can apply, since they can all work. It's largely personal preference, unless you really want the reader to feel a specific way.

Generally however, if I follow one character specifically, I like to use present. Which is why many reader inserts are written in it since we're following 'ourselves' as we do things. It also seems to help readers connect more with what a character is feeling or doing in that exact moment. Present also helps if you're someone (like myself) who likes describing small or mundane details. Like how someone's hand moves, how the pins on their bag jingle. An example ↘

It isn’t as if Crosshair is exactly a stranger to watching people, given he’s someone who is far fonder of scoping out a situation from afar. But ‘scoping out the situation’ implies he’s at some point going to jump into the lake, to take a swim; He’s not, and what he’s doing seems to tread more into the lines of leering, than anything else. It makes him furious at himself for not being able to do something so simple, but no matter how much he tries, he can’t seem to get himself to do much beyond just thinking about you. It’s not like he even can get himself to stop doing that either, as he sits in front of the Marauder with his rifle in his lap. Crosshair wonders if the way your body moves is intentional; The way your hips sway, turning on a heel scurrying from task to task like you’re simply floating on air. There’s just something about you; You’re only updating a maintenance report for one of the reg starfighters to keep it on schedule, and he can barely keep his eyes on the maintenance he normally does religiously. You must be finishing up with it, because the next time he looks up you’re walking this way, waving hello to all of them. There’s not been a day since you met them where you haven’t at least tried to spare them even the tiniest moment of your time.

Meanwhile past tense is usually better the longer your work gets, or works where you're not focusing on anything or anyone super deeply. 'Past tense' also tends to be easier for people to read, and you get more flexibility with how you format the writing. For instance if you're skipping time, it's easier on readers to flow into the idea that an amount of time has passed with past tense wording. Example ↘

“It’s… Cleaner in here?” It’s not clean by any means, but stuff was off the floor, which was a major accomplishment. “Yeah, had to clean it up before we haul it back to Coruscant.” Hunter walked by Echo as he spoke, the rest not far behind. Echo closed the gangplank behind him, and gently crossed his arms as he watched Tech diligently wrap up a cable that has been laying there ever since Echo had first stepped foot in this ship. Having walked into the cockpit, he put a hand on Hunter’s seat as he looked out the viewport, before he spotted the outside of the hanger they’re currently landed in. Tech was fiddling on his datapad for a moment before they took off, having crossed his legs one way before he then swapped to the opposite. “Before? What’s the big occasion? Not that I’m complaining.” Hunter gave a small smile.

Using italics, for instance like say using them when a character is thinking of a past interaction, can be helpful for if you NEED to swap tense briefly, but don't want to jolt the reader. Forming it more as we're watching the character in the present, think of the past. Rather than sending the reader themselves to the past. Golly I hope that makes sense. Here.

He remembers the way his legs were hanging off the side of his bunk, aching and in pain after a nightmare had woken him up from his sleep. He’d been sitting just like this for ages, staring off with his heart racing in his chest before you’d come over, sitting beside him. You were quiet for a bit, with Echo silently enjoying the feeling of company. And when you did finally speak, you were offering him even more of your time than you’d already given him. ‘I think I just need some sleep. But…’ He had glanced your way and saw the dim light shadowing the edges of your features, as you looked right at him. ‘Thank you.’ Your lips pressed against the corner of his mouth, eyes closed. When you pulled away, there was tiniest smile on your face. ‘Night, Echo.’

Apologies for the tangent, and again, this is all just my personal thoughts. I have no professional writing experience beyond middle school English class. I am but a humble fic writer. But I really hope it helps! And If I didn't answer your question (I have a tendency to go off the rails) Feel free to tell me!

(exclusive image of me writing)

[tuulikannel]

I should be working on Gifts, but somehow I found myself writing a new fic, and it's one of my randomnest crossovers ever. >_> I wonder if this thing will have any readers... ^^;;

And because right now I don't seem to be able to concentrate on even writing fics I shouldn't be writing, let alone those I should, I ended up doing something totally random. Here's a crappy edit for you. XD

I feel like Sai should be closer to Hikaru, but I was too lazy to put him partly behind Taka. Who, btw, is really taking a lot of room by that table. Good thing poor Hikaru fits into the pic! XD

ETA: added Kyoko to the pic cause she's missing from it.

Anyways, here's a snippet from the very beginning of the fic. As you see, we jump right away to the... is it the 5th day? This might yet be edited (a lot) before I really start posting this fic.

Hikaru stumbled sleepily out of his room, rubbing his eyes.

“Why do we have to get up so early?” he mumbled. “Isn’t it bad enough to be stuck in this crazy ass situation…”

7 am isn’t that early, Hikaru, the ghost floating behind him chastised him. And if you actually went to sleep after the night announcement, you would get plenty of sleep before morning!

“Is it my fault I can’t sleep with all this—!” He was cut short by a boy who suddenly rushed by them, nearly colliding with him. “Hey, watch it!” Hikaru turned to look after him, frowning. “Makoto? What is it?”

The other boy didn’t stop to answer but ran to his door and fumbled it open.

Did he forget something? Sai wondered, as Makoto frantically rushed into his room.

“Dunno.” Hikaru shrugged and was about to continue his way, when he noticed there was someone else in the hallway. Sayaka Maizono was standing by Makoto’s open door, staring inside with a mournful expression on her face.

Huh, where did she come from? Hikaru thought to Sai. He was sure there hadn’t been anyone else in the hallway.

As if hearing him, Sayaka turned to look at him. There were tears in her eyes. Hikaru barely noticed that, though. Instead, he stared with widening eyes at Sayaka’s chest, covered in blood.

He was still staring as running steps approached and others rushed by them too, entering Makoto’s room. Soon the school bell rang. Monokuma’s voice echoed from the speakers. “A body has been discovered…”

[eoieopda]

Hihi, Jade! Hope you’ve been well and are doing good hehe

I started learning the pre-chorus + chorus to Like Crazy and when I tell you it’s groovy as shit. Like damn. Though, if this doesn’t improve my hip-control, I genuinely have no idea what will 🤡

On another note, I’m meeting up with one of my friends on Monday! We’re going out for coffee and window shopping and I’m pretty excited because I haven’t seen her since the beginning of February of this year, and I’m excited to talk to her face to face (hah see what I did there ;))

I also did a little brainstorming for a story I’ve wanted to write since August of 2020, and I’m hoping it’s gonna help with my immense writers block concerning the idea itself lmfao

I was also wondering, but do you bake? I know it’s a pretty random question but a lot of my friends bake, and I’ve only ever baked once with one of said friends. We made chocolate muffins and, despite them being relatively messy, they actually tasted pretty good! I’m a bit sad we didn’t have chocolate chips though, I would’ve loved to take the famous(?) “you measure that shit with your heart” post as inspiration to make a mostly choc-chip choco muffin hehe.

Do you draw at all, either? I don’t draw much, and when I do I almost always draw exclusively doodles, but I’ve had a couple which came out pretty well. I drew this really tiny dragon a while ago (probably a few years back) which I thought came out pretty well hehet.

By the way, on a less random and softer note, I’ve been meaning to tell you but kept getting shy and insecure about how to say it, but I really appreciate you, you know? I know we don’t know each other super personally and everything, but our exchanges have been a consistent highlight to my everyday life since I’ve become your mutual.

Like, I can’t even begin to say how big of an impact you’ve had on me as a person just with a couple of our (admittedly short) interactions. Your posts brighten up my day, and I really love how full of love you are, and how you’re so unapologetically yourself. It’s really pushed me to become more comfortable in my own skin, which I couldn’t thank you enough for.

I know that probably went from zero (0) to one-hundred (100) real quick, lol, but I thought it was about time, you know? Sorry for putting something like this in an ask, I probably should’ve sent it in a PM but I thought, “I’m here, I might as well do it while I have the courage” 🥹

Anyway, sorry for all the blabbering xd.

I hope you have a wonderful day (or night, I’m not 100% what time of day you’re at rn)!

I hope this isn’t coming off as creepy as it’s starting to sound in my head 🥹 I admire you a lot is all; sorry if this makes you uncomfortable if it does lemme know pls. Okay bye ily 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

this is quite possibly the sweetest thing i anyone has told me in a very very very long time, and i am — OOF — misty in the damn eyeballs. like, i don’t even know how to thank you for that 😭🫠 i’m a whole mess omg. YOU ARE SO SPECIAL, LIL BABY HAN 😭💓💕💗🫶🏻

now i’m gonna stop wheezing and answer your actual questions and pretend i did not just fully tear up, lmao.

i do bake, but not as often as i used to? i kind of only do it when i’m home with my mom which is rare but will resume soon when i move back to my home state to be close again!! def prefer baking to cooking because there is some ridiculous disconnect in which i can do one fairly well but will burn the shit out of whatever meal i’m attempting and/or burn myself. i do not know why i am like this!!

i draw, but also not as often as i used to 🤪 like, i drew/designed all of my tattoos and used to be really into art, but my brain only lets me have 1-2 hobbies at a time, and this one fell by the wayside 🥲 rip art-phase jade.

and good luck with your wip!!! seriously, tag me in anything you post because i love FFF so much that i would surely love whatever else you write 💕🥹

[killuaisaprincess]

😐,🤔,👨‍👧‍👧 and 🍰 for the ask game?

Thank uuuu 🥺🤲🙏 sometimes I wish I knew who anons were so I could aggressively give them love, but I know that’s the point, and people can be shy, etc. ask game 

😐 What embarrasses you most about your own writing?

Nothing, really! It wasn't always that way, butttt, when there really isn't anyone writing what you wanna read (minus Wifey blows kisses)... when I started rereading my stuff after I posted it, had an epiphany. This is a certified amazing, whattttt? I actually love this. Wow, I know, amazing me; I like what I write for me. Astonishing, me.

But 'till I remade and had to edit and repost everything, I was like... why didn't I reread this stuff sooner? Insecurity, really, but! That was the biggest confidence booster; I just kinda stopped caring that, yes, objectively speaking, my writing could be or maybe is ass, but I no longer saw it. Instead, I saw damm can't wait to read this later; ooooh, excited! I've always had fun writing, but until like a year and a half ago, I didn't really re-read my stuff? I was missing outtt. I mean I wrote them for me!

So I guess I used to get too anxious and embarrassed to re-read my stuff, so everything about my writing in a way. I was insecure, thought if I re-read this, what if it's trash writing, and I no longer love it cuz it's badly written, even if its my niches I love? But jokes on me; I love my stuff, esp. the newer stuff, even more now, haha.

🤔 What is the hardest part of writing fic?

Not the writing, lol. But, really. The writing is fun; it’s everything that surrounds it. My ADD brain wanting to write at the worse times when I’m busy. My ADD brain giving me too many wips, which, I don’t mind, but I’m sure my one or two readers are sick of, like, boo, you whore xd. Editing. The best part of editing is being able to reread my stuff; then, the worse is everything else. And writer's block…. that brings my mood down so much, my mortal enemy. YEAH, I DON'T SEE WHY I CAN'T WRITE EVERYDAY, BRAIN?! What’s the issue, brain?!

👨‍👧‍👧 Do you tell people in real life that you write fic? 

Not explicitly! My sister knows, and she’ll even drop a comment on my stuff when I’m feeling down without even reading the fic 😂. But it’s okay, I appreciate you, Pink 🥺🤧🙏 I probably wouldn’t tell my coworkers, but yeah, I have no problems offhandedly mentioning fic. 

🍰 Name one of your fave comfort fics (doesn’t have to be your all time fave).

As much as I actually, really, really wish I could shell another writer that isn’t myself or Wifey <3 @primrosekisse, There aren’t many Gonkillu writers, and I’m super picky with my interpretations on top of it. I rarely risk reading fic (I will try every 5 months and cry) unless Wifey posts; we are connected same/similar headcanons! So my comfort fics are hers and my own. B-but if anyone ever finds a GK fic and then on top of it, it’s got similarities to my headcanons b-bwease. 🥺🙏😭😭😭😭

My comfort fic of hers is Beauty and the Beast AU! Although I read all of Prim’s things again (esp when I really just wanna cry about lack of GK) and need that good shit.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28904382 As for my ownnnn, kinda hard to pick since I got a personal connection with them all, I love love all my more recent works as I feel I finally have a style I love and I just stopped giving a fuck what anyone thinks, so I’m really even more so going in and writing what I want, but my old stuff will always hold a place in my heart. I’ll cheat lol. Here’s a new one that’s a comfort:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/37499644

And an old one: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31349027/chapters/78127517

WAS MY FIRST KI IS A PRINCESS, SO HOW COULD I NOT 🥺😭🙏🤧🤲

[aniflowers]

Ich habe 166 Mal im Jahr 2022 etwas gepostet

Das sind 166 more posts als 2021!

27 Einträge erstellt (16%)

139 Einträge gerebloggt (84%)

Blogs, die ich am häufigsten gerebloggt habe:

@pipredpanda

@ciss55

@clutzystars

@autisticrandomart

@winterpower98

Ich habe 36 meiner Einträge im Jahr 2022 getaggt

#lego monkie kid – 28 Einträge

#monkie kid – 23 Einträge

#anismonkietober – 15 Einträge

#monkietober – 15 Einträge

#lmkoctober – 14 Einträge

#monkiekidoctober – 14 Einträge

#october prompts – 13 Einträge

#lmk – 12 Einträge

#inktober – 11 Einträge

#drawing challenge – 11 Einträge

Longest Tag: 97 characters

#there is a reason 90% of my cursed au fanfics are in some way related to macaque and the twins xd

Meine Top-Einträge im Jahr 2022:

#5

MonkieTober day 2: Favorite Ship

Previous  -  Next

Prompt 2! Let's go! XD It is 8:32 in the morning, and I haven't sleept yet becouse I wanted to finish this!

Prompt 2 was "Favorit Ship", and I had a bunch of ships to pick from becouse I'm weak. But ShadowPeaches was the only one where I imidiately had a motive idea, so ShadowPeaches it is! XD Does this count as angst? I think I can count this as angst :3 Not too happy with Macaque, I need to practice drawing him more. My Wukong probably won't stop like a little goblin, I can live with that xD The background is the thing I like the most here! Coloring it was a pain though. But at least I could avoid shading in that part, becouse I freaking wracked the paper there from erasing so much. Feel free to participate in #MonkieTober as well! I will share all entrys I see in my story! :3

Link to the Prompt List: AnisMonkieTober

44 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 4. Oktober 2022

#4

“Insecuritys” (Part 1?)

Vollständigen Eintrag ansehen

80 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 22. Oktober 2022

#3

October is rolling around, which means InkTober and other drawing challenges.

And since I haven’t seen anyone in the LMK comunity make a prompt list yet, I just went and made my own! XD 

It’s free to use for everyone, obviously, and while it isn’t a must, I’d be really happy if you’d tag me when using it becouse I’d really like to see the drawings you all creat! :3 

The main hashtag is on the prompt list, but optional hashtags are:

#MonkieKidOctober

#AnisMonkieTober

#LMKOctober

(Btw, the order of the characters on the list is mostly based on their apearance order in the show xD) 

Have fun drawing everyone!

80 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 21. September 2022

#2

MonkieTober day 6: Favorite AU - “Cursed AU” 

Previous - Next

Prompt number 6 was "Favorit AU", which I was REALLY exited for ever since I made the list! :3 Obviously, I drew @winterpower98 's "Cursed AU"! Becouse I love it, and I'm weak! XD The drawing is specifically based on "season" 1 of the AU, but I couldn't help myself and added some hints to what characters are joining who's side of the family in later "seasons". Some of them are more obvious than others xD Here is who the objects represent: -Dragon: Mei (duh) -Chinese coins: Jin and Yin (becouse drawing a calabash would have been TOO obvious) -Apple: Yue Shi/Apple -Lotus: Nezha -Scarf-thing: Zan -Cherrys: Ri Shi/Cherry

Feel free to participate in #MonkieTober as well! I will share all entrys I see! :3

Link to prompt list: AnisMonkieTober 

82 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 10. Oktober 2022

Meine #1 des Jahres 2022

Vollständigen Eintrag ansehen

134 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 6. August 2022

Hol dir deinen Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 →

[rockturbot]

for the ask meme: 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 13, 22, 26, 29! (a lot, but i'm curious XD)

9 and 29 answered here.

4. Fav character/subject that’s a bitch to draw I love Manfred's suit jacket but man are the lapels annoying to draw. I've tried making custom brushes to save time but never got them to look right )x I'll have to keep drawing them manually.

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself I think I post maybe 5% of what I draw. Lots of stuff never makes it past the sketch stage, there's doodles for fandoms I don't think anyone here cares about, or just drawings where I get into some kind of perfectionist loop where when I improve one thing I think the rest of the drawing now looks super bad, so I improve those things, now the other things look bad ... etc. Some are also technically finished drawings I either just don't feel good enough about to post or that would need like 25 layers of headcanons explained to make sense.

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn’t supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it) Every time I rewatch the first two or three seasons of the Detective Conan anime I notice small things that make me go, oh, that's where I learned how to draw that?

8. What’s an old project idea that you’ve lost interest in I don't really lose interest in ideas like that. I just have a very long and continuously growing list of stuff I'd like to do, and which of these things feel the most urgent depends on what I'm obsessed with at the moment plus what skills I'd need to do the idea justice vs. what level my skills currently are.

I guess one thing I've postponed indefinitely because I think it's still going to take a while until my art is good enough is rewriting the episodes of The Professionals into one coherent plot and then drawing that as a comic, just for myself. That show is one of my special interests and every time I finish a rewatch I just feel so sad and empty because it just ends. There is no more! :( And I think maybe I'll feel a little less sad if I tell myself a version of the story that's ... well, an actual story, with an actual plot and emotional resolution and stuff where an ending actually makes sense to my brain, instead of episodes with no overarching plot that eventually just run out.

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn’t your thing Can't think of any. I mean, I admire creators because their work is my thing, so ...

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any None (':

26. What’s a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended There's a painting I made in 20...12? 2013? of a scene in an original story I was working on at the time. My mother, who knows nothing about the story except that it exists and that this painting is connected to it, is convinced one of the characters is supposed to be me and is trying to get me to admit it to this day. Her ironclad logic? The character is wearing green :) No matter how much I tell her that doesn't mean anything, she just. Won't believe me. Maybe she would if I showed her the story, but I don't think I'm going to do that. Her interpretation of what's even going on in the painting is already so wildly different from what's actually happening, I think revealing the truth would just be super awkward. She says she thinks it's a prayer circle of some kind or something. It's, uh. It's supposed to be a public execution. Whoops.

Ask meme

[weirdjanuary]

🇮🇹 Uno dei miei difetti è quello di rimuginare troppo sulle cose. Accade un qualcosa (una cosa che ho fatto, oppure una discussione che ho avuto con qualcuno) e per qualche motivo continuo a ripensarci. Mi faccio domande come: “E se...?”. Inizio così col passare al vaglio possibilità e conseguenze nella mia testa. A volte è un bene, ad esempio se ritengo di aver sbagliato posso cercare di rimediare. A volte no, perchè spesso finisco per ingigantire il problema (che magari tale non è) fino a fargli assumere proporzioni bibliche xD Anche prima di fare qualcosa, ci penso 1000 volte prima di farla, valutanto pro e contro. Prendiamo per esempio questo post (ma vale per qualsiasi post). Ho davvero bisogno di scriverlo? Interessa a qualcuno? Ora mi sembra buono ma domani lo troverò stupido? Cosa penserà chi leggerà? Ecc. Perchè sapete cosa? Allo stesso tempo, stranamente, sono anche una persona impulsiva. Impulsiva nelle cose, nelle reazioni, col risultato che poi mi pento di aver fatto qualcosa sull’onda del momento. Ecco allora che entra in gioco questo meccanismo “difensivo”. A volte penso di essere una contraddizione vivente xD Ad ogni modo, sto cercando di imparare a fregarmene di più! --- 🇬🇧 One of my faults is that I overthink things. Something happens (something I did, or an argument I had with someone) and for some reason I keep thinking about it. I ask myself questions like: “What if…?”. So I start by sifting through possibilities and consequences in my head. Sometimes it’s good, for example if I think I’ve made a mistake I can try to fix it. Sometimes not, because I often end up magnifying the problem (which maybe it isn’t) until it assumes biblical proportions xD Even before doing something, I think about it 1000 times before doing it, evaluating the pros and cons. Let’s take this post for example (but it applies to any post). Do I really need to write it? Interested in anyone? Now it looks good to me but tomorrow I will find it stupid? What will the reader think? Etc. Because you know what? At the same time, oddly enough, I’m also an impulsive person. Impulsive in things, in reactions, with the result that I later regret having done something on the spur of the moment. This is where this sort of “defensive” mechanism comes into play. Sometimes I think I’m a living contradiction xD Either way, I’m trying to learn to give a shit more!

[totaldramafan-lauri]

A little self-discovery

Heyyyyyyy! It’s....b-been a bit! Truthfully, I....I haven’t been completely OK this week. I’ve been dealing with some stuff, but....I’ve been though worse at the same time, so it’s not a super big deal. But.....I wanted to talk about this, cuz I.....kiiiiinda alluded to it before....? Dunno if anyone saw it, tho, but..y’know.......

I-I still wanted to talk about it....

This is something that no one but me will care about, but....s-screw it, I'm already here, and this might be something I'll mention again in the future, so....here goes....

So....this has to do with....family history and stuff, so if that doesn’t interest you, keep scrolling, nothing to see here.....XD

So, I’ve had to do some CRAZY stuff in order to get over post-Eurovision depression this year. I still dunno why it got SO bad this time, cuz it’s usually not, but....yeah. I was doing pretty much nothing but rewatching Eurovision videos for weeks last month. On top of that, my favorite idol/comfort person has been on hiatus for health reasons, and his fanbase is collectively miserable and missing him horribly, which brought down my mood really badly, making it harder to move on from Eurovision which makes me happy. But....I FINALLY did something that got me over it for the most part.

And that’s that....I, uh....I revisited an old special interest of mine. I’m not sure if I’m getting back into it necessarily, but I’ve been looking at old things and having a nostalgia trip. I was last into this in early 2013 (it was one of the last special interests I was into before Total Drama and me getting this blog), so it’s been a while. And....yes, it does have ties to Eurovision for me. It's how I first discovered Eurovision, which....is a really weird story. KeepinmindI’mAmericansoIHADtolearnthroughaweirdway*cough*

Now, I’m not gonna say what this is, cuz it’s not SUPER important to this topic. It’s just the catalyst for it. This is its own can of worms. And honestly, altho I look back on this thing very well (and I consider it one of the best fandoms I’ve ever been in), I’m also embarrassed by it in the present day. This isn’t something I’d really recommend to people. I’m happy it exists, but I’m worried if it’s.....aged well enough to point new fans toward it, is what I’m saying.

All I’ll say for now is that....it has to do with world history, and leave it at that.

(If anyone is interested in me talking about this, and don’t mind me potentially talking about weird stuff, I AM more than happy to explain. There’s a LOTTA stuff I can talk about, seriously. XD I had a lotta great experiences in that fandom, and could basically talk about it all day if I could. It was one of those fandoms that I had multiple phases of. It basically ruled my life for many years, and it helped me learn certain things about myself that are....still getting mileage today.....and again, it’s the reason I got into Eurovision, which I STILL love today, so....NEED I SAY MORE? It’s very close to my heart. I just don’t wanna talk about it RIGHT NOW cuz it’d lead to a huge tangent.)

Point is.....I’m revisting it. I’m looking at old stuff I saved, and even stuff related to it that I made myself. It feels like I’m 18-21 again......and, through that....I remembered that.....there was something I’d started to do, that I’d stopped when I moved on.

I was.....learning Croatian. In 2013....

And I stopped....

I had a whole list of words I’d learned even, and I- I forgot all about, it-

So, uh...I know that sounded REALLY REALLY RANDOM, so- uh-

The same time I was in this fandom, I was part of a subfandom for this group of OCs I really liked, and- g-gosh, this is going all over the place, pffffff- b-but, these OCs, had to do with the history of Yugoslavia and the countries it became and- I sound so stupid right now- P-point is, it was a really weird coincidence, that this happened, not that long after I learned that I’m one-quarter Croatian!

So......family-related rambling time:

So, I knew that my dad’s side of the family was Greek. And that my paternal great-grandparents (none of which I got to meet) were immigrants. But....I didn’t know everything for the longest time. I knew I was Greek, cuz fun fact my last name is VERY Greek, and we celebrate Greek Easter instead of regular Easter (I’m PRETTY SURE I’ve mentioned this on my blog before?). We also follow a few other Greek traditions, and I was taught a few words. And indeed, SOMEWHERE in my grandparents’ house, we still have my grandpa’s parents’ Ellis Island papers when they came to America from Greece. My grandpa is very much Greek.

But.....what about my grandma? Through my childhood, I thought she was also Greek, she’s always just fit in with the traditions and stuff.....I knew that I was told her maiden name when I was young, but I forgot it....and no, turns out she isn’t Greek. Turns out, as I learned randomly as a teenager....she’s actually Yugoslav. But wait, that country doesn’t exist anymore! It DID exist when her parents left it, but....not anymore. I was briefly curious about what she’d identify as in the modern day, but never asked and promptly forgot for a few years cuz it wasn’t a big deal.

BUT, in 2012-2013, somewhere around that time, in a random conversation with my grandpa and uncle, things finally came together. She was playfully poking fun at Greeks, and my grandpa made a joke about Croatians in response.

And it came together, exactly where she was from, and I could say what every part of me was without using outdated words. I was like....”that’s neat” at first, but I didn’t really dwell on it for a while.

But THEN, this fandom happened again! And it got me interested in world history, and I hyperfixated on this group of popular OCs from it, and.....i-it led me to blogs, and art, all dealing with.....all this history, through the lens of characters I liked, and I realized that I was kinda.....learning about a p-part of myself? And through it, I got....curious about it.....? It seemed so interesting to me all of a sudden.....?

I’m....one-quarter Croatian. Yet, I was raised as if I was half Greek. I....didn’t KNOW anything about Croatia or Yugoslavia. My grandma never taught us anything about her family and how they lived. She just took on the role of my Greek grandma with my Greek grandpa and she was just fine with that. And I am too, don’t get me wrong, cuz I love my Greek side, but.....I’ve ALWAYS known and have been in touch with my Greek side. And, for once, I was like...VERY curious all of a sudden, sparked by fandom of all things, to discover my Croatian side.

Through this RP account I used to follow (RIP Formspring), I got interested in the language. I taught myself the alphabet and a few phrases. I also watched a YouTube documentary on the history Yugoslavia once (dunno if it’s still up) and hooooly crap Croats are badass (there’s no other word to describe that, pfffff). That country has been through a LOT and WON. The fact that I probably have distant relatives over there that fought through all that for their independence REALLY interested me. Ashamed as I was to admit it, I got really into learning about Croatian history, all thanks to this really weird coincidence of discovering I’m part Croatian and then almost immediately after, discovering a Croatian character I liked that talked about his history a lot. All the while, jumping between this and a historical comedy anime. It was probably one of my weirdest summers interest-wise. One day, I’d be looking up art of ships I like, and the next, I’d be learning a new thing about Croatia. A fun fact, or a not-so-fun fact, or a new word or phrase, or something completely random from this blog I followed, pffff....

I was super into learning about this seemingly-random country that I was slightly embarrassed about it, and didn’t really talk a lot about it to others. It would’ve been easy to say “my grandma’s from there”, but I dunno, part of me didn’t feel like that was a good enough excuse to admit I’d watched war documentaries. Guess I felt....guilty, so I hid it.

And then.....I stopped.

I got into new interests. It happens. I couldn’t stay fixated forever. The fact that it was a short Kirby’s Return To Dreamland phase, and then Total Drama of all things happening, that led me away is kinda funny to think about......but, eh, with how problematic my old fandom....could PROBABLY be viewed as, I guess I’m happy I avoided having a Tumblr while I was an active fan? Again, it was probably the best fandom I’d ever been in, but.....y’know, with time, things could’ve gotten uglier if I was actively gushing over it, so it kinda does feel like I dodged a bullet. I could easily see myself pissing off a hatedom.

But.....here I am again. I came back. Not to the fandom as a whole, but just feeling nostalgic and looking back at old stuff. And lo and behold, I remembered my old project eventually. I kinda felt bad that I stopped for dumb reasons, but then again, I started for dumb reasons too......

I still remember the alphabet, and a few words. Part of me still wants to learn how to speak in...even small sentences at one point. Not enough to wanna take lessons, but...step-by-step by myself. It’s a “what if” situation. Maybe I never will be able to speak it, but one can dream.

So....yup, that’s what I’ve been up to this past month or so. I’m not watching war documentaries this time, thank god (seriously, 21-year-old me went to the darkest places first, huh >__> Dang history fixation), but I’ve been looking up videos on several locations in Croatia, for one. Gorgeous place. If I could, I’d try to go there, but social anxiety makes it REALLY HARD to bring it up to my family, especially when I’ve NEVER brought it up before. But even in videos, I am immersed when I look at it. It’s my dream vacation (well, one of them). Split is one of the prettiest places I’ve seen in my life. Which, again, I did NOT expect. I’ve heard multiple people talk about the prettiest countries in the world, but did anyone mention Croatia? Nooooo! But it’s a very touristy country for Europe, it’s just that Americans don’t talk about it. Hmph! >__> Not only that, but.....Croatian music. SO much music. SO MUCH. I’m mainly using music as a way to learn new words, and....I got hooked. It’s REALLY WEIRD to say that the music I’ve been listening to has been one-third Eurovision, one-third K-pop, and one-third random Croatian songs from playlists I found on YouTube.

It’s been....a LOTTA Eurodance, actually. I didn’t search for any specific genre of music, I just looked up “hrvatske pjesme”, found a playlist, and it was mostly Eurodance, which I did NOT expect! From the kinda songs Croatia sent to Eurovision, I didn’t really associate them with dance music, but....turns out, they’re REALLY GOOD at dance music? Who would’a guessed.....Seriously, I’m tempted to queue up some of the best songs I’ve been listening to to prove this. I might still do that....

(This doesn’t mean I’m gonna be developing a bias when it comes to Eurovision, tho. I’m still unbiased at heart =P I’ll be happy to have a good song, but if it’s mid, I’ll still say it’s mid. If anything, I might be HARSHER since I know how good their music can be now. And I’m not gonna hold back if 2022 happens again, Hrvatska. Oprostite. =P)

(D-don’t get me wrong, I’m not MAD that they don’t send the stuff I’ve been listening to to Eurovision, cuz.....well, it’s junk food. It’s not for everyone, especially here in the 2020s. XD Going the Balkan route makes more sense. Even this year, when they were taking the piss...still, that song was clever and had a message, which is more substance than Eurodance has, pfffff)

To think that this was all sparked by a fandom....that THAT’S what it took for me to fixate on learning this part of myself. But it’s true. It’s....e-embarrassing, yes. And it really only is one quarter of myself. I really could’ve went the rest of my life without doing any of this. But....my brain works in weird ways. And my interests can be super unpredictable. That’s a fandom that, again, I might talk about another time, but.....it really is super important to me for multiple reasons, and this is one of them - leading me to learning about my grandma’s country and its culture and history.

Why am I sharing all this? Cuz.....for one, I might be following this up with sharing Croatian songs on here in the future, or referencing E.T (Electro Team) or Colonia next Eurovision season, or even something else might pop up. It might seem super random, cuz, again, I’m American.....so I wanna explain where it came from. And also, cuz this started before I joined Tumblr, I...never got to talk about this weird interest of mine before. So...it feels good to finally get it out.

Again, it’s only a quarter of myself, but it’s something that makes me unique, and I’m still happy discovering it.

[voyeuristicvixen]

Captns Log No. 38_Here’s a lil story all about how...

My life got flipped turned upside dowwwwn, lemme take a minute just sit right there I will tell you how I lost everything in a town called SL! XD LMAO

Yes yall, I and Waverino Amor divorced. *Sad violins* We have had such a great time together, a great run. He means a lot to me and I always wish and pray for the best for him. We lived together in RL yall, we did the thing! But we tried to force circumstances too soon before we were truly ready. We prayed together, we got the relationship therapy apps on our phones, we communicated EVERYTHING clearly... but at the end of the day none of that matters if the timing is not right. I would not change a thing, we had such a blast and we are truly best friends I still talk to him everyday. We explored so much of ourselves with each other and that is something I will forever be grateful for.

He joined SL to be closer to me, he moved in with me to be closer to me. I am eternally grateful for that love, and companionship. It is what I desperately needed at that time, I am still greiving the passing of my Godfather who was a dad to me, he raised me and I never got closure about his death.

Being with Wav was a trauma bond to be completely transparent. I was terrified of what I would do to myself, with to much isolation. I needed that feeling of love, and companionship and the hope that I could create my own new family dynamic and build something with him.

Writing this post is helping me release a lot of pent up feelings I haven’t allowed myself to really grieve because we both have been stuck in survival mode. IT WILL LITERALLY RUIN RELATIONSHIPS. When you are stuck on the responsibilities of maintaining financial stability and at the same time healing your inner wounds and triggers being mirrored by an incredible person in your environment that you desperately want family with. It is so much pressure. We had to take a step back to give back to ourselves as individuals.

I do not regret that decision, but I do miss him and the feeling of security in love that came with being together. Sometimes it feels like, well if you at least have love or someone with you then you feel like you have some sense of control over your life when everything else isn’t balanced. But  that quickly comes to a head and can only be maintained for so long if individuals do not have full focus and alignment with their purpose for themselves separate from their partner. Now we are leveling up in incredible ways and I couldn’t be more proud of us. Its not what looks good on the outside that matters.

Our last moments together on SL were so precious to me, he really made my Rez day special, because I didn’t have anyone else on the grid to celebrate me. He took me to the ocean, we explored this marine center and it was really sweet.

It was during Ramadan too, so we were serving high fashion Muslim lovers to a T. I didnt change out of that outfit till like yesterday, I wore that same fit for a whole month after that date. My heart </3.

These  last few pics are literally the last times we hung out on the grid, he was already living with me and we would just be sitting right next to each other smoking weed lol.

& we’re both total nerds so I did not have to force him to go to the Harry Potter sim at all! LMAO

I carried A LOT of responsibility and burdens in this relationship but its taught me to advocate for myself and to have a higher sense of self respect. Things got to a point where verbally we were abusive and my RL space was disrespected. We always will attract the love we feel we deserve, this showed me where I wasnt showing up for myself, where I wasnt honoring myself, and how I was disrespecting myself. Because no one else will if you dont show them that its okay by doing it to yourself. He came to my space and reflected exactly how I felt about myself and my environment and I needed that wake up call.

I hope that this log will help someone else out there who feels like they need companionship or love in order to heal from trauma. Connection and community is a big aspect of healing but we have to be more vigilant with our own energy and healing and showing up for ourselves FIRST AND FOREMOST. We can overextend ourselves with energy we don’t even have trying to force healing outcomes that our spirit and souls and emotional bodies are not  truly ready for.

I see now how I was being controlling and stubborn with my perspective of what would be best for us both. I saw the potential of our greatness together and worked tirelessly to forge this path out for us against all that was being shown to me by spirit even if it meant ignoring my intuition and gut feelings in the process.

 Moving forward I am slowly getting back on the grid, I allowed my rentals to close out and I’m back on nomad timing, like the OG Foxey days. I am excited for whats to come though. I still got tons of ideas and I’m ready to play and just create and give to myself everything I seek in others.

*Lol as I finish this blog post he just texted me “Grand rising! I pray you’re doing well today. We must move forward always” I love that man. <3