#this post is true and it is yet another universal experience - i guess

[angxl-k9]

I have a sincere and genuine question (one which you are free to ignore)

But I wanted to ask about why you’re pro endogenic/willogenic/nontraumagenic etc.?

I dont ask to stir controversy, but rather because i think I want to understand more about it all and am reaching out to see others experiences in why they believe/see the world how they do

In my early exposure to/learning about systemhood I was taught a lot by those who don’t really like/believe the nontraumagenic claims. As I see more and more of the community and its variations- I find myself more unsure about what is or isn’t true. I ask here instead of consulting the internet because finding clear research on the topic has been increasingly difficult for me and I find I’m not sure exactly where or how to look

Obviously you are probably not the information god of this subject, but i guess I’m looking mostly for your outlook/view on things to just really hear from others in the community on a subject I’m struggling with

hey anon. the biggest reason i’m pro-endo is because i’m part of a mixed origins system. but, i see that that probably isn’t a satisfactory answer to most people wanting to learn more hahaha

the second biggest reason is, well, i am not anyone else nor am i in their brain, so i cannot tell if someone is telling the truth about their experiences or not. therefore, i have to take what people say at face value. if they say they’re a system, i have no right to tell them no, they’re not. that right only belongs to them, and to some extent their psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist.

another reason: the absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. just because there is little research into endogenic systems doesnt mean they’re not real. there’s not much undeniable evidence of aliens yet people still believe that they exist. why? because like the human brain, the universe is infinitely complex and we just don’t have the time, money or equipment to study every single aspect of it, especially if those aspects don’t pose an immediate threat on us as humans. endogenic systems themselves aren’t being hurt by their plurality, unlike with did/osdd systems who face severe symptoms with their disorder. in a medical perspective, there’s not much point researching something that isn’t harmful. did and osdd need research so that the systems with those disorders can actually function. endogenic systems with disorders, if they have them, usually have disorders that are already being researched all the time, such as autism, adhd, ocd, bpd, (c)ptsd, etc. so there are already people trained in dealing with those disorders that can help endogenic systems with them, as they would help anyone with them.

however, in saying all that, there actually IS research on endogenic systems, just not as much perhaps as disordered systems. i’ve found some research papers that i like and think are unbiased and fair, so i’m going to make a google doc with links to them, or to where you can download them, and that will be at the bottom of this post. i do think these papers do a lot of help for the endogenic community, especially against sysmedicalists and anti-endos who rely solely on medical evidence and research in order to believe in something (which i absolutely disagree with, i believe we should take what people say about their identity and just believe it without needing ten medical papers to back it up).

i hope this brings a little clarity to my stance on endogenic plurality, and obviously this is just my stance. there are many other systems out there who have different and perhaps better reasons for believing in endogenic plurality. if you’re on reddit at all, i highly highly encourage you to go to r/plural and have a look around there. the people there are so lovely and many of them would love to give you even more resources.

anyway, i hope you have a great day anon, and i hope you find the answers you want about endogenic plurality!

here is the document

and another link to a spreadsheet of more resources

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 425: New Normal

Previously on BnHA: Everyone was all “and with that we conclude our final battle for better or worse!! We will now commence our slow return to the new normal, beginning with our protagonist and deuteragonist who are miraculously more or less intact, albeit exhausted and mildly traumatized. Also the words ‘more or less’ are kind of doing a lot of heavy lifting there.”

Today on BnHA: The Big 3 and Aoyama are OUT. Shinsou is IN. The Tododrama is PENDING, and the mysterious figure in the shadows is UNIDENTIFIED. Also class 1-A finally becomes class 2-A and it only took them 425 chapters and TEN LONG YEARS. Can you imagine if this series had actually run throughout their high school experience like people once expected. “THE YEAR IS 2044 AND MY HERO ACADEMIA IS FINALLY WINDING TO A CLOSE.” There’s an alternate universe somewhere where this actually happened and we were all so very, very tired.

This is once again a shorter than usual reaction summary post, as opposed to my typical page-by-page liveblog. Not gonna have time to do those for a while yet most likely, but like hell am I gonna miss out on the last days of the series, so here we are.

Once again basing this off of @pikahlua’s spoiler translation summary here!

watching the eighteen inch tall Rat Principal standing at a podium overseeing this graduation ceremony is surreal in the most wonderful way. it’s like receiving your diploma from a sentient Funko Pop

I love how they established that Mic sitting there screaming at the top of his lungs is also a beloved U.A. graduation tradition, and that the senpais just roll with it while everyone else is in varying stages of trying to decide if it’s too late to transfer to another school

ngl sometimes I forget that Ochako and Toga were actually the second canonical f/f ship in this series. shoutout to Hadou and her adorable girlfriend whose name I absolutely cannot recall

absolutely wild that Horikoshi gives credit to Rat Principal for coordinating the entire disaster recovery nationwide. are you serious. the “world-famous” Principal Nezu?? you’re telling me this little capybara is effectively the secret president of Japan now or something. when does he even sleep

“the principal made great contributions to quirk morality education” is also a VERY interesting tidbit that I really want to know more about. “hey guys what if we did a better job at teaching people not to be dicks with their quirks” AND JUST LIKE THAT JAPAN WAS SAVED huzzah

“we lost many things, but we gained nothing” is both HILARIOUS and soundly depressing, but I can see what he’s trying to get at. still an odd choice for a graduation speech though. “our job is all about harm reduction, and we couldn’t even do that this time around, but in the future we hope to balance things out and maybe even get some net positive impact going!” lmao. again it’s all true, and in all honesty it’s spectacular that they managed as well as they did, all things considered. and I guess it would have been disingenuous to just ignore the reality of everything this particular school body has been through and pretend like everything is great right now. but I still can’t help feeling like there was probably a more inspiring way to get this message across lol

regardless of what he says, Aizawa 100% either bribed or threatened Rat Principal behind the scenes in order to stay with his class. and will do so again next year. he can and will keep getting away with it. he is never leaving these kids

and the sheer relief from all of them upon hearing it is all the justification he needs. these kids have four thousand nine hundred and seventeen accumulated traumas among them. they don’t need a four thousand nine hundred and eighteenth. this man is their father ffs. MINA WAS CRYING AND EVERYTHING

Kacchan watched that YouTube video about a dozen times until he managed to tie his tie all on his own with the one hand. and he did an amazing job. he’s such a model citizen now

also it looks to me like he has his right arm hidden in a sling underneath his shirt, which is interesting. if I’m not mistaken (and I very well could be, since it’s been a hot minute since I did any BnHA timeline math), the final battle took place sometime in early May, so this chapter is taking place roughly one month later. the hospital chapter took place about a week after the battle, so it’s been about 3-4 weeks since then. I really want to know what kind of shape Kacchan’s arm is in, but I guess Horikoshi will get to it when he gets to it

also, “we all gotta be together today” was a real wakeup call to me in that it gave me just an absolutely ridiculous amount of feels. just a totally unreasonable amount. and it’s like. listen, self. Kacchan has completed his character growth arc. he’s a team player and a leader who loves all his friends and they all love him in return. we’ve known this for years now. it’s an established fact. you can’t keep bursting into tears or whatever every time he shows it. this is no way to live your life. I need an intervention

anyways later this evening class 2-A is gonna have a celebratory movie night in the common room, and Kacchan is gonna fall asleep two minutes in peacefully surrounded by all his classmates, and they’re all gonna nudge each other and smile fondly and cover him with a blanket and stay up until 2am and Aizawa will have no mercy on them the following morning. it’s gonna be so wholesome you guys

(ETA: I decided to go back and have some more feels about this one tiny Kacchan panel, because apparently the four paragraphs I already wrote about it weren't enough. so the thing is, Sero's wonderment at Katsuki being out of the hospital initially read to me as half bemused awe, and half "oh boy, time to get back into our usual rhythm of antagonizing Kacchan!" but my second time around, I can't help remembering that all of Kacchan's classmates got to watch this kid getting tortured and strangled and stabbed through the heart in 4K. like, even if they were busy with their own fights at the time, there's no way they didn't see the footage later on afterwards.

and that had to have been traumatic for them. their friend literally died and was just lying there so still for so long afterwards. and him getting better and going back to his usual asskicking self later on doesn't just erase those memories, you know? especially with him having lasting, permanent damage afterward. not just his arm, even! like who even knows if his heart is going to be okay long term. when people get organ transplants they have to go on immunosuppressants afterwards because otherwise their body will try to attack the replacement organ. so I wonder how exactly it works when it's still your heart, but it's being held together by various bits and pieces of a spindly little floss man. idk, but I bet you it's still pretty rough.

anyway so long story short, I'm now reading this as one-third bemused awe, one-third joking antagonism, and one-third genuine "no seriously, is it okay for you to be here, please don't do anything to put your health at risk because we seriously cannot handle you dying on us again." and Kacchan's not even disagreeing with him lol, which has to be the most concerning thing of all. "they said it's okay if I rest." even he knows he's pushing it, but it was too important of an occasion to miss. anyway please take it easy kiddo.)

Aoyama leaving makes me sad but it makes total sense for his character after what he’s been through. he needs time to sort things out and continue down his own personal honor-regaining journey. respect

also glad to hear that it was his own choice and that both Rat Principal and Nao would have supported him if he stayed. I still to this day do not understand Naomasa’s actual level of authority lol. like, he’s supposedly a detective, and yet he seems to be personally in charge of every single important police operation, on like a national level. and he has the authority to make decisions like letting Aoyama go free. he is the law, literally

Aoyama trying to feed Deku some farewell cheese also took me out. like he just walked in there and was all “sorry everyone, I’m leaving, but I’ll still aim for the path of a hero and will one day return, don’t you worry!” and at some point in the midst of this tearful speech he made a beeline directly to Izuku and tried to give him some cheese that he apparently just had in his pocket or something. and Izuku was all “YEAH!” all solemnly but HE DIDN’T EVEN TOUCH THAT POCKET CHEESE. like he loves you and accepts you for who you are Yuuga but COME ON

at this point in the chapter it also became clear to me that Aizawa has his hair up in some sort of loosely assembled messy bun and that’s why it looks so especially flowing and gorgeous today. this is great cinema

and then AT LONG LAST, the admission of Shinsou into class 2-A. they tried everything they could to keep him out, BUT NOT EVEN THE END OF THE WORLD COULD STOP HIM. his rightful place

Ojiro’s scandalized response to hearing Fuwa refer to Aizawa as “Era-sen”, and then Fuwa subsequently revealing all of Aizawa’s secrets and Aizawa getting flustered and kicking her out, was one of the most delightful sequences I’ve read. “nooooo don’t tell them that, what the hell am I gonna threaten them with now”

Izuku has not even attempted to crack a smile since the final battle, aside from when he was frantically trying to reassure Kacchan in the hospital. I’m worried about him but also loving this a little bit, ngl. I am content to wait for you to eventually have a proper breakdown, mister Greatest Hero

also I singled him out on the whole not-smiling thing, but really this is true for just about all of them. my heart aches :(

were there really so many people freaking out over Izuku’s hair that Horikoshi felt compelled to throw in that “HEY DEKU-KUN, YOU SHAVED YOUR HAIR LIKE THAT DUE TO AN INJURY, RIGHT? BUT IT’LL GROW BACK, RIGHT!?” line in there lol. the hilarious thing is that this chapter was already in the books before 424 was released, so it means that Horikoshi anticipated the backlash ahead of time. the man knows his audience

and now for this mysterious little barefoot man randomly emerging from some rubble somewhere. who are you. fandom already thinks you’re everyone from Tenko to Hisashi lol. my personal theory is that he’s just a random citizen who’s hurt and traumatized and needs help. and unlike what happened with baby Tenko once upon a time, this young man actually will be helped by a hero in his moment of need, and it’ll be all hopeful and stuff because SOCIETY IS CHANGING FOR THE BETTER NOW HOORAY

or maybe he really is Tenko, idk. what do I know lol. don’t listen to me

lastly, Shouto out here immediately leaving U.A. after class and ruining my dreams of a class 2-A movie night. FINE THEN. GO AND BE WITH YOUR FAMILY my precious little life preserver. and I’m actually really, really excited to see what their endgame is actually, so yes, Horikoshi, bring it on please and thank you

[michaelmilligan]

The Jonmartin manifesto no one asked for but needed to get out

So, I've not been in the tma fandom for long yet, having only listened to it for the first time a few months ago. But from browsing the Jonmartin (and teaholding and jmart) tag regularly, it seems to me like most jonmartin shippers fall into one of these two categories:

They would find each other in every universe; or

It's a miracle they even got together in this universe

(Obviously, that's an oversimplification, and people who express one view in one post can easily hold a different view at another time - these are fictional characters we're talking about after all, and headcanons don't need to be consistent and can even contradict each other. This is just the general vibe I got so far.)

Anyway, I wanted to add my own two cents on the topic, because while I understand where both of these views are coming from, I think neither of them is ultimately correct.

(Putting the rest under a read more - be warned that this is NOT a spoiler-free post, so if you haven't finished listening to TMA yet and you want a spoiler-free experience, you probably shouldn't read this.)

So, before we get to my own opinion, let's first look at where the two options I mentioned above come from, shall we?

"They would find each other in every universe"

Obviously, this view is highly romantic - star-crossed lovers, finding each other again and again. It is both a good foundational basis for AUs, and a ray of hope in the face of the tragedy that is the tma finale.

Of course, concerning the finale, this is a rather different take than concerning AUs (since it would mean the very same characters finding each other again in a different world, not fundamentally different characters, shaped by said other world, also finding each other). And maybe when people express this view, they mean more the finale fix-its than AUs, though I suspect that plenty of people mean both.

It's a nice, comforting thought. And don't we all need some comfort after the finale? Yes, we certainly do. (Except for the people who read only hurt without comfort and angst, I guess. You do you, and I'm glad you're having fun, but personally I do desperately need some comfort, lmao.)

Is this view supported by canon though?

Cynical minds would say no, and personally I'm more inclined to agree with them, though as I've said, for me the truth lies outside of those two rigid stances (somewhere in between, I suppose).

I don't see much in canon which points to Jon and Martin falling in love under any circumstances/in any universe, especially considering their... let's say difficult relationships at the start of the show. But of course we must also take into account the specific circumstances in canon (more on that below) and interpretations vary, and I do very much enjoy AUs, so I'm certainly not trying to throw shade if you're on this side of the 'divide'.

Mostly, I think there CAN be other circumstances in which those two get together, outside the canon ones. (I'm writing a canon-divergent jonmartin fic myself, lol.) Let's get into that while we look at the other view, shall we.

"It's a miracle they even got together in this one"

Ah, the Martin-approved stance. One could say 'well, they literally said it in canon' and be done with it. However, that would require us to believe that the opinions of the characters are always true and correct, which. Lmao. We only have to listen to season 2 of tma to know that this is very much not the case.

And even if S5 Martin is not S2 Jon at the height of his paranoia, he's still very much a man shaped by his own life and experiences. I'm sure he would call himself a realist, but he honestly seems more like a pessimist to me. Which is understandable, given his life, and his association with the Lonely, which has often been (in my opinion accurately) compared to depression.

The thing is, Jon did treat Martin horribly in S1, and then he admittedly treated everyone horribly in S2. It was only in the course of S3 that their relationship got more, let's say, equal, with Jon no longer thinking Martin would be 'contributing nothing but delays'. (And then of course we have S4, which I LOVE even though it hurts me deeply. Then again, that's the whole show. And, obviously, S5 my beloved.)

So. Jon seemed to hate Martin in S1, while Martin was arguably already in love with the man. (Arguably. We do know that he acted catty to Basira in S2, so it's reasonable to assume that he started liking him at some point in S1, or even before the show started.) Then a lot of traumatic things happened, and they got together.

This means it must be the traumatic things that made them compatible, right? Just like Martin says in S5?

Well, one could see it that way. Jon certainly changed over the seasons, coming off his high horse and such. (In S5, he arguably gets back on it quite a bit, but then he IS the Eye's specialest little princess in a world that's literally ruled by it. And also he is slowly losing his grip on his own humanity. But I digress.)

And I do think that the trauma channeled a lot of those changes - the first time we see Jon being actually emotionally open (something he still struggles with over all seasons, because people don't just change fundamentally that quickly) is during Prentiss' attack on the Institute. They're in a situation where they might reasonably die (they even expect it, because they don't know that Elias is just rubbing his greedy little paws as he waits for things to get worse before he saves them with the gas).

I do think that moment could have been a big turning point for Jon and Martin, if it hadn't been immediately followed with the discovery of Gertrude's body, and Jon's subsequent descent into paranoia. Jon opened up, and also saw that Martin was rather competent during the attack, which could have led to them becoming closer, respectively having at least something like a normal work relationship.

But then Jon got paranoid and interpreted everything he saw negatively, including Martin's competence, which was twisted in his mind to 'What if he's just been pretending to be incompetent and is actually an evil agent out to kill the archivist'.

(Big sigh.)

Anyway, before I lose myself in the red string as well: Yes, Jon seems to 'mellow' over the seasons, especially with regard to Martin, at the same time that he's going through terribly traumatic events.

But does that mean that it's actually the trauma that's changing him and his relationships? Partly, certainly, but I would argue that trauma doesn't make you nicer or kinder. It might make you realise some things, but that doesn't mean that you can't realise those things in other ways.

And does it means that they couldn't have come together if they had met under different circumstances? Also not necessarily! I would even argue that the specific circumstances they met under were detrimental to Jon's first impression of Martin. And yes, this goes beyond the dog story.

So let's try and dissect their relationship from the start.

A theory of... something like nuance, or whatever

The starting situation

(Yes, I did have to use a Supernatural gif, thank you for asking. No, I will not apologise. <3)

Alright. So let's start with what we actually know about Jon and Martin's first meeting. Obviously, there's the dog story, though as far as I know that's not 'canon' because it wasn't actually in the podcast. I still like it, and think it adds another reason to Jon's behaviour, though I don't necessarily think it's necessary, because Jon already had lots of other reasons to tell himself that Martin wasn't worth his time.

1.1. Jon has issues. More at 11.

First of all, we learn throughout the podcast that Jon doesn't actually have any qualifications to lead an archive. He's probably 29 when the show starts (in 2016, going by the fandom wiki stating that he was born in 1987, which is reasonable given everything we learn about his age).

So, he's 29 and suddenly appointed, after four years of working in one department, to become the head of a completely different department. He does not have a degree that would give him credentials for leading an archive, nor are we told that he has ever even worked in an archive. For all we know, and that he knows, he is woefully underqualified. (This is also, I think, highlighted in S2 when Jon threatens to resign, only to then be baffled by Elias saying that he would be difficult to replace. Elias means something completely different than his skill set as an archivist with a lower case 'a', presumably, but then Jon doesn't know that.)

This means that Jon is in a highly stressful position, because he's trying to do a job he doesn't actually know how to do, while also trying not to let on that he doesn't know how to do it!

It doesn't help that Jon is also terribly scared of what all might be lurking in the shadows (or even in the light), as he himself admits during the Prentiss attack. He is extremely high-strung from day one, basically a wet chihuahua shaking in a slight breeze, while trying to seem like a strong bulldog.

We also know that Jon asked for two people to be his assistants: Tim and Sasha. They both worked in research, and Sasha also briefly worked in artefact storage, making them both qualified to help Jon with following up on statements. But I think more than their qualifications, Jon probably requested them because he knew and got along with them.

Imagine: Your boss tells you that he's promoting you into a position you're not qualified for and which you have no real clue how to do. Wouldn't you rather have people around you who you're already friendly with, and who are likely to cut you some slack if you're not perfect on day one? I know I would!

1.2. Elias is a little shit and I want to kill him with hammers (affectionately)

And then Elias transfers Martin.

I'm going off the dog story again, because again, I like it, and I think it does fit neatly into canon. If this story is to be believed, Elias neither asked nor did he tell Jon that he was giving him another assistant. He apparently simply told Martin 'you work at the archives now, congratulations' and then went back to his office to smile smugly to himself.

This is a VERY bad start for a working relationship, because not only does Martin come in unannounced, this also comes off as Elias not respecting Jon, or potentially even sending someone to report back to Elias (because Martin is the only one who doesn't have an established rapport with Jon).

Jon never verbalises this suspicion, so maybe this is too much interpretation on my part, but in any case it's cause for a lot of resentment on Jon's part, and since he can't exactly let it out on Elias (who is rarely there, anyway), he simply lets it out on Martin.

He finds reasons to do so, of course, insulting his work and all that. It's probably easy, especially in the beginning, because not unlike Jon, Martin doesn't have any qualifications to work in an archive! He worked at the library before, and we know that his degree is made up (which we can only assume Elias knows, considering he can know almost anything).

(I actually find the question on why Elias transferred Martin in the first place extremely interesting, and might get into that in another post. But this one is already too long, lmao.)

1.3. Martin is too nice, aka Jon has even more issues

This is mostly my personal headcanon, though I do feel it fits Jon's character - which is that he doesn't know how to deal with nice people.

Not kind people. Not friendly people. But nice people.

People who do things seemingly out of the mere goodness of their heart. Like bringing their mean boss tea when he never asked them to do that. Like being friendly even in the face of insults. Someone who constantly takes himself back in favour of other people and their opinions.

People like Martin is appearing to be. Appearing, because Martin isn't actually like that. He does have his opinions, and he could probably grumble up a storm in S1 about Jon, but Jon is his BOSS, and so he plays.

Martin also IS genuinely a nice person most of the time (when he's not on a revenge rampage, making his boyfriend murder people). He doesn't have to do nice things for Jon like bring him tea in S2. But he does. Because that's Martin's way of trying to reach out, to show other people that he means no harm (and that he can be useful).

(I also think that Jon's snappish behaviour, where Martin never quite knows what will set the man off, might remind him off his mum, but again I digress. :))

But I think Jon doesn't know how to deal with that, because even when he's not in the height of paranoia, he still suspects that people who are THAT nice (especially when they have no reason to be nice because he's being an arsehole to them) have a secret agenda. This is playing into what I said under 2 (the part that might be too much interpretation on my side lol), because if Jon suspects that Martin is reporting back to Elias, or is at least someone who would not be friendly if he found out that Jon doesn't know what he's doing, then he can't allow himself to relax around him, and he certainly can't allow himself to be lulled into false security (as Jon would think) around him.

Tl;dr on this point: I think Jon is wary of Martin's niceness because he thinks he might be fishing for gossip/anything he can use against Jon. And even if he isn't, Jon thinks he would be likely to use anything he learns against Jon, because they weren't friends to begin with, and Jon's behaviour has made them anything but that.

(We have to remember that this is the guy who says in S2 that he knows what it's like to 'lack the respect of one's peers', aka the kid who got bullied by at least one older kid, and likely had no or very few friends - plus he believes in the supernatural, which doesn't exactly lend itself well to getting academic respect.)

1.4. They were fucked from the start, your honour

Basically what the meme says, but yeah. The they were put in practically guaranteed that Jon would be wary of Martin, and that Martin would be trying extra hard to make friends with him, which in turn would make Jon even more wary/hostile.

And Elias made it worse, either knowingly or by negligence (not telling Jon about transferring Martin).

If we add the whole dog story to it... they were fucked. I do actually wonder if, assuming we take the dog story as canon, Elias actually somehow managed to set that up. Or whether he was at least cackling (sorry, smiling ever so silently, but smugly) in his office as it happened, or whenever he ended up knowing that it happened.

2. Yes, we've had one starting point, but what about second starting point?

As we have established above, the starting situation for Jon and Martin was... not ideal. So, would they have gotten together easily given a different starting point, like in a cute coffee shop AU?

Eh.

It's true that the specific situation they were in made it a lot harder for them to actually communicate and see each other as they are than it had to be. That doesn't mean that a different situation would have made it easy, though.

Their personalities still make it hard, though, as even without the added stress of a new job, Jon is still a little chihuahua shaking in the corner, who tries to make up for it by barking at everyone, and Martin is still the guy trying to approach him with treats and getting his hand bitten.

There are certainly specific situation that could make it easier, especially if Jon isn't scared as hell, and has maybe already learned that not everyone who does something nice for him wants to just pull on his strings. (Yes, I do think that the thing that makes Martin, according to Annabelle, suited for the Web, is the thing that put Jon on edge at the beginning. I don't know if this was intended at all, but it makes me cackle.)

The beauty of fanfic is that we can do whatever the hell we want. But I think the most fun thing an AU author can do is think 'What would have to happen, in this specific scenario, for these two to get over themselves and get together?'

Excursion: Martin, my beloved depressed blorbo who I am certainly not projecting on, haha

Because it IS both of them who need to get over themselves. Of course Jon's issues are the most obvious, and I've certainly expanded on them enough. But Martin also has a problem, and it's that he's constantly hiding his true feelings and opinions, especially anger and fear.

That makes sense, perhaps, in a workplace, though considering he's dealing with a walking, talking worm hive and a stalker boss... Let's just say it probably would have helped Tim, too, if Martin hadn't been so desperate to make everyone be friends again.

Because Martin is always TRYING to make everything better for everyone, but he's actually not helping anyone. Being nice to Jon and bringing him tea doesn't help battle his paranoia. And trying to tell Tim not to be so angry at Jon, and can't they all be friends, doesn't actually help Tim with his anger.

All Martin is essentially doing is making himself small and saying 'let's get along, pretty please' every now and then. I don't know if it would have helped if he had expressed his own fears and anger, and maybe Jon would have misconstrued that as well, too deep in his paranoia already. But at least Tim might have realised that he was not alone in all this. (His biggest problem, as he says in S2, is that he feels that no one has his back, which I think at least partly results from no one expressing the same anger, aka no one validating his feelings.)

Anyway! (Jon voice) Excursion ends.

3. (To the melody of 'What shall we do with the drunken sailor') What shall we do with these total idiots?

So, how ARE these two going to get together, if they're so woefully unequipped to deal with each other?

Well, first we need to give Martin a good helping of self-confidence. Then we need to kind of give Jon the same, since his problem ALSO is that he's unsure of himself, he just tries to make other people small to cover it up, instead of making himself small. (And isn't that a funny thing to do for someone who we know was bullied. To become a bully himself. Oh, the snake, biting its own tail...)

The easy answer is, of course: You can come up with your own version, get creative. <3

The more complex answer is: A lot of stuff, probably. Jon and Martin will certainly need time to get to know each other, and of course it depends on what situation you put them in to start. But there will be misunderstandings, and there will be hurt feelings, and I am going to soak it up all like a particularly slowburn-greedy sponge.

I feel like there are probably five million ways to get them together, and some might be cute and fluffy (if they go to therapy first, I guess, lol) and many will be full of tears. <3 (Jon voice) And I want to see them all on my desk by Friday! So get to it!

In all seriousness though, yeah, I think there's not one right way for them to get together (though canon did it well imo). But it's also a little more complex than we might give it credit to (very much including me).

4. So what now?

I don't know. I'm not your dad. Write a fic. Draw a picture. Put down your own thoughts on the matter. Or take a shower and clean up your room, young Padawan!

(Though actually, if you've read this post from start to finish in one session, what you should probably do is get up and stretch and get some water.)

And above all! And this is imperative.

Have a good day. <3

[kaerwrites]

Since it probably won't make it into the story, what is your head canon on the short lived nick damen romance? How and when did it start and end, what was the duration, was there any hurt feelings, who broke up with who etc. Is Nick secretly pining the whole time? Is he jealous of Laurent or Jokaste?

It won’t? 😈

This is a great question! Thank you for asking!

Please take caution for those who want to read my reply: Damen and Nikandros were teenagers when they had a sexual relationship. Additionally, they live in a culture where slavery is normalized. If this conversation will trigger or upset you, skip this post. My answer is not explicit but I don’t want anyone ruining their day, and to be honest, I don’t have the patience for Puritanism. (Edit because I’m afraid this sounds like I am equating the two: I’m not. I don’t want anyone upset or hurt or triggered and I also don’t want anyone going on a weird bad faith rant. These are unrelated to one another. PLEASE take care of yourselves.)

Answer under cut.

IIRC Damen became sexually active at a very young age. I imagine he and Nik were inseparable for most of their youth until Nik went to serve in the Kingsmeet.

Nikandros was there for some (most?) of Damen’s early sexual explorations. Akielons are not given to public fornication, no, but calling some slaves for entertainment while you’re chilling with your best bro? That’s different. There were probably a few times they experimented with each other/shared someone/devolved into small group sex. In those early times it was just fun and exploration like any other kind of adventure they would share.

Nikandros was picked to serve at the Kingsmeet when they were 15. Damen was proud but jealous and, let’s be honest, watching the games and his friend’s athletic showing turned him on. They slept together one on one for the first time after that, and that’s when Nik caught feelings.

Two years apart while Nikandros served, Damen oblivious to the fact his friend’s had spent the time nursing this idea that he would be coming back to something. By the time Nik’s service was over, Damen had matured past group sex parties (for the most part) and had tried out a few (short-term) relationships that usually ended when his attention strayed to someone new. I love Damen but he was a bit of a fuckboy, once upon a time.

Damen didn’t think anything of sleeping with Nik when his friend’s returned. It was fun and it was hot. But Nikandros would get jealous when Damen looked at or slept with other people, even slaves. Finally they realized that they were on different pages in terms of what they wanted from each other. By the time they were 18, they agreed it was best for their friendship if they were no longer intimate.

Nikandros, in my mind, will always be in love with Damen - but he realizes that it will never work between them and Damen is not going to love him back in the same way. He’s capable of feeling romantic love for someone else, but it will never be the same connection as he has with Damen. He’s managed to move past feeling jealous of every fling or one night situation his friend indulges in, but seeing Damen get serious about someone and commit to a single person is not something he’s experienced yet and will be more difficult than he realizes, because he really didn’t think it was possible.

(In canon, Jokaste’s Prince de jour comment makes me think that not only is she referencing Damen’s past, but that even with her he still takes slaves and anyone else who catches his fancy and she just puts up with it/does what she needs to to pull his attention back when needed.)

For this universe, Laurent is currently a political arrangement, a child, and a brotherly figure for Damen- so Nik doesn’t have any reason to be jealous of or dislike him. I do think it’s going to be difficult for him when he sees Damen fall in true, deep, lasting love with Laurent - but he won’t have the reasons to hate Laurent that he had in canon. So I guess we will see what happens!

[olderthannetfic]

I feel like many social justicey analyses would be improved by the realization that some biases are caused by assuming other people are like you, and some biases are caused by assuming other people are different from you. Both kinds of biases can be harmful, but both stem from impulses that are part of normal social functioning and not inherently evil.

Assuming your experiences are universal is the other side of the coin from general empathy and thinking that other people have the same basic needs and thoughts as you do. Assuming other people are different to you and those differences must be accommodated for is the other side of the coin from the other kind of empathy, when you recognize that someone is different and put yourself in their shoes to figure out what they might want. Both can be considerate in some circumstances, and othering or offensive in others, and it's not always clear.

For example: Let's say you have an immigrant co-worker who's not fluent in your language. Is it better to A) talk to them the same way you talk to everyone else because you don't want them to feel like they don't belong here, or B) intentionally speak slower and use simpler words around them so they don't struggle with slang and fast speech patterns?

A can look indistinguishable from native speaker privilege and harmfully assuming/expecting everyone to speak on your level.

B can look indistinguishable from as assuming immigrants are bad at your language and things must be dumbed down for them.

Both have their uses, their pros and cons. As an immigrant myself who's struggled with this, there have been situations where I preferred one or the other. I have seen other immigrants complain about both. (If I had to guess, I'd say people complain about A more. Native speakers rattling on at ten miles a minute is a much more material obstacle than hazy feelings of alienation or feeling talked down to because people assume you don't speak the language well.)

But a certain social justicey crowd will be prone to making such reductive statements as how A or B are always racist or anti-immigrant or whatnot, as if it's that black and white.

Hell, a lot of the times whether something is othering or considerate will depend entirely on how likely it is that your guess is right. Assuming a random passerby doesn't speak your language has a very different contextual weight depending on if it's in the middle of the street in a crowded city, in the middle of the street in the non-native diaspora part of the city, in a classroom of grad students in an international program, or in the middle of an airport. But for one thing, that doesn't change the fact that you're still guessing and going by assumptions, and there's always the chance you're wrong. For another, that means that's as much an issue of correct situational analysis as it is of bigotry and bias, and yet, again, people will act like things are straightforward.

I also see this lot in discussions of disability and health. Some people want to be treated the same as everyone else instead of being reminded of the way in which they're different, others want tangible accommodations that will improve their quality of life, which means not being treated as everyone else. But so often people will see vent posts from one group or the other and conclude that THIS is the one and true way to handle X disabled group, and if they see someone doing anything else, that means that person must be an ableist bigot.

I think some people don't realize that when we say "Treat others the way you'd like to be treated"... many people wouldn't be able to agree on what the second part of that looks like.

(Yes, people in the notes, there are situations where you can just ask what a specific person would prefer - at least if the asking itself is not too othering and awkward. But that doesn't change anything about the dilemma of these different approaches.)

--

[sugaredrhubarb]

Reading with Ru: 2023 oct/nov/dec fic and book recs

Hello hello! Back again with some final recs from what I was reading towards the end of the year. Gonna start with cod because that's where most of my moots are, and then some from other fandoms and published romance I've been enjoying as well.

Just in case this goes outside my little circle, please check the tags of anything I rec; I'll try to mention if I think something is particularly dark, but don't read anything you won't like!

COD

landscape with honey by @ceilidho - (bear shifter!price x reader) starting with ceil because, at this rate, I can't write a list without including her. my friendship with ceil partially started from bugging her asks about bear price, so this one is always gonna be special, but I genuinely love it, ceil writes blatant dubcon really well (as we all know), but I think it's in fics like this—when the hero is just a little off, and the reader is caught between what seems too good to be true and a gut instinct that something isn't quite right—that her writing really thrives. Anyway, I'm okay with a big, burly man hibernating with me in a cozy cabin in the woods for a winter. (side note: we need to be talking about ghost x feral witch reader more)

Mind the Drop by @sprout-fics - (BDSM au, price x reader) more aftercare in fics!!! This wonderful one-shot is based in a universe where people are biologically designated as dominant or submissive. Reader is a sub who is feeling the effects of some missed aftercare, which Price takes notice of and offers his... assistance. Honestly, this is just some really well-written comfort and aftercare from a fun concept.

My daddy didn't love me, so I guess I've moved on to you by @makoodles - (price x reader) clearly, I was back in my Price era, and this fic hits on the central theme of my attraction to him in the first place: daddy issues :) So, if you may want to read 17k of Reader and Price succumbing to their attraction and mutual daddy kinks, this one is for you.

Light On by @peachesofteal - (ghost x singlemom!reader) I feel like everyone was reading it, but if you haven't checked out this lovely story yet, please do! It's nice to take a break from the darker fic, and this one is so lovely while still acknowledging Simon's trauma and obsession. Peaches is an excellent writer, and this sent me down a rabbit hole of single-parent fics and books! I could read so much of this.

Pornstar!ghost by @ghosts-cyphera - ( x reader) lo is on a little break right now, but this is another wonderful entry on the soft side of cod fic. I really enjoy Ghost's charisma and confidence on display here, and every update had me giggling and kicking my feet. (I found lo through her price wife x 141 post, which is also a must read)

okay, so @ohbo-ohno (hopefully) knows I love her, and she wrote a ton and is constantly throwing out mind-bogglingly yummy drabbles, so here are some of my favs from her kinktober and 1k celebration: price x reader breeding (surprise, surprise), soap x reader somno (drugged noncon), 141 x reader orgy, ghoap ft price deepthroating, 141 x free use reader (the dream), kingpin price x reader, ex husband price x reader, gaz x reader a/b/o, and my personal fav I think about all the time ghoap x brand new vampire reader. Maybe got a little carried away, but I adore Bo's work, and she has a unique ability to make everything hot.

And finally, @charliemwrites. When making this list, I was tempted to just rec everything Charlie has posted in the last few months, so if you aren't reading her stuff already, I'm jealous that you get to experience it for the first time. Obviously, it would be a mistake to not start with her current fics: charmed slasher simon (he's a serial killer, so violence warning) and woof woof johnny, which are both so fun and compelling, I get so excited whenever I see a new update. I almost daily think about this dark(ish) Price decides you're his wife post. Charlie also writes just wonderful fluff and lighter but emotional relationships too, and both childhood friend simon and bodyguard!gaz have a special place in my heart

other fandoms

casualties by little fools writing/tianawritesfic - (darklina) yet another person I could rec every single work by. This is a boyfriend's roommate cheating fic with the perfect amount of mean man.

You kept me like a secret (i kept you like an oath) by burninghoneyatdusk - (darklina) I genuinely think everyone should read this; it's modern setting, so no canon knowledge needed. Alina wakes up after an accident and discovers she's pregnant, but she doesn't remember the last year of her life, doesn't know who the father is, and most importantly, doesn't remember the affair that ended her relationship. I could talk about it for ages, but I'm just gonna share my comment on the last chapter: "every action, line of dialogue, description, and internal thought felt deliberate— not a single word felt wasted. you stripped both aleks and alina bare and it felt impossible to not take them in completely. i don't even know how to talk about the therapy sessions and alina's healing. the exploration of her guilt, her past, her anger, her confusion it all felt so earnest and raw. what a gift to read."

Bury Us Both by morriganmercy - (Lavinia Lucia/Nick Bruin) this is sibling incest! For the love of god, don't read it if it's not your thing. I know nothing about The Royals of Forsyth series (books?), but this was recd by someone, and I saw the tags codependency, slowburn, heavy angst, pining, and religious guilt, and now here we are.

bonus! published romance I enjoyed

links are to goodreads

Return to Monte Carlo by Cate C. Wells - set in 1982, fmc runs away from her stifling life with her rich italian husband and his snobby family before discovering that she's pregnant. fun, smutty, warning for miscommunication galore. i saw some comments about the fmc being immature but she's swept into this crazy life at like ~19 so idk enjoy your smut and stop thinking so much.

Between the Devil and Desire by Lorraine Heath - a widowed duchess must learn to get along with a notorious self made rogue when he is given guardianship of her beloved son. I'm a sucker for historical romances and for single parent stories but the combo is so hard to get right and this one did it for me! while sometimes a little ridiculous, i felt the characters actions had clear motivations. watching the mmc's relationship with the son grow was really nice and it actually made sense given his backstory rather than the sudden "guy who hates kids suddenly cares" trope other books do. (warning for discussions of childhood abuse and sa)

Luna and the Lie by Mariana Zapata - say what you will about MZ slow burns but no one else can get me to read 600 pages for one sex scene at 95% in. are most of her character's really similar? yeah. but they're never annoying and i love that they're always good people trying their best. i love all the small details and i love me an older man who is secretly down horrendously bad only to gets worse and worse at not showing it.

Icebreaker by Hanna Grace - people have things to say about this book. do the characters get together early on? yeah. do they hook up in the back of an uber filled with their friends? also yeah (i thought it was hot so). is their very little plot in a 400 page book? sure. i'm here for a good time not to be intellectually challenged. i actually enjoyed seeing their time together and really enjoyed that they just fucking communicated even if there were mistakes along the way. plus big nice hockey player who cares about consent? swoon my little canadian heart.

check the reading with ru tag for more!

[adventuringalchemy]

Beware, incoming ramble!

For the time period question I always saw MC as purely medieval, at least when you as the player pop into the world.

Either by nature or because of post apocalyptic consequences. Each explains the hordes of zombies/undead, structures, old strongholds, etc. Either created by old magic and ancient wars that created those old bastions and constructs (blazes, guardians, irongolems so forth) or simply leftovers of a greater civilisation that has vanished now.

While the world of minecraft itself is purely Medieval, humans/players bring knowledge and technology with them! We know how to mimic big skyscrapers, tele communication, modern structures and such because we have seen them before and know how things work already! Knowledge that is lacking in the other "native" inhabitants of the world.

Humans/Players (and I guess the mods they might bring with them) are the varible that determines how advanced the time setting and technology can be.

Or I suppose in case of MCSM- where humans act merely like any other inhabitant of the world- the admins. They determine what experience the server should offer, after all. They just mod the world themselves and give the tools needed if they just want to. Maybe they even go out of their way to remove possibility of modern features if they like to keep it fantasy like, or bust all doors open for people to create their own modern utopia. Fancy thinking. Much theorising.

Opinions, thoughts, counter arguments?

ANONYMOUS SENT AN ASK .

sorry if this isn't 100% because my benadryl is kicking in super hard atm but i 100% agree with you. especially since in mcsm there are actual mc youtubers put in there but they still act the same as other humans inside the universe there. their world was just a lot more modern as seen that they have modern clothes on, act a little different, and reference making things for people to watch.

it does make me wonder though. i have always thought the admins to be the gods of mcsm. they have the power to create things and to delete things. what about the other worlds? did fred, xara, and romeo all make those other worlds? did they make the old builders to see how they would fuck around with shit? romeo has obviously tried to find a new "champion" and/or people he can simulate into an admin without making them an admin to try and replace the old friends he fucked over. i mean if you think about it, they had to have right? because of all the technology that these other worlds have compared to jesse's world. but then again maybe not because the old builders did that all themselves. the mcyters in mcsm made everything themselves as well.

sometimes i wonder if the admins were the first actual people to spawn in the underground. the world below the world. like they are the humans that are playing the game yet they're absolutely forbidden to talk about it. or perhaps they were humans that were teleported into the mc world by force and they haven't had the ability to come back out. idk. just something i've thought about.

another theory i have is that romeo put the command block in the world to see how people would react to having true admin/god power. and it was all just a huge test before giving jesse the gauntlet to see if anybody would be worthy or capable of becoming friends with him / being the next new champion. obviously the order of the stone wasn't capable of destroying it, but jesse was. and that's what made him reach out to him.

i don't personally know much about the lore of base minecraft other than that there are several stories woven within a world you make yourself. like saving the end and the endermen. the piglins are a hostile mob protecting their home. villages with everyone having their own life to deal with. the illagers and their dark culture. the alchemist who was in the igloo trying to figure out how to heal zombification. though it is strange that you and your friends are the only humans left in this world.

to me it almost seems fair to assume it was some sort of amnesia thing. the character spawns in and is so fucking lost and confused but gradually figures out what to do along the way.

[deathlygristly]

So I've seen all sorts of discourse about That One Post going around. If you haven't seen it yet: a dude said he got into the alt-right because he saw weird people online being weird about dudes and it made him upset and the alt-right was like hey bro we got you. It was very much written in the style of someone who perhaps had not completely left the cult. It made everyone upset in all directions.

Most of the basic positions have shown up on my dash, and I've only unfollowed the people who get really mad about other people being like hey I see people being weird online all the time and it hasn't made me a fascist, and/or who get really demanding about how somehow we are all personally responsible for controlling the language of all the trolls in all the various leftish leaning cults online but trolls from rightish cults can say whatever they want and that their existence is our fault for not controlling the posts of every single leftish troll on the internet.

My biggest takeaway at the moment is that deradicalizing strangers online is not a job I can do. I guess it's the autism or maybe the growing up without ideology but I really don't get...well, any part of the discussion I've seen.

Like I texted the spousal person earlier about how neurotypical people talk about gender and how it makes me wonder if they're a different species from a different planet. What do clothes and hobbies and interests and emotions have to do with gender?

But then I am married to a guy in his 40s who happily and autistic special interest-ly watches Korean romcoms and who knew all the kpop girl group songs they were playing at the grocery store and who once said he doesn’t feel like he has a gender.

I don’t know, having really weird and esoteric rules about what you and other people can do and being vicious about enforcing those weird made up rules is just….alien to my life and experiences. Why would you care about what other people do if they’re not hurting other living beings?

I guess that’s the main thing. As far as I can remember, my brain has always thought, “Hurting others is wrong.” I don’t think I can recall ever thinking “I should hurt these others because a group of humans told me to.” Or needing to never encounter another human displaying common human behavior like being angry and hateful online in order to not become angry and hateful myself.

Also everyone is saying that it’s about feelings and group membership and that just stating facts won’t work, so that’s me out then. I don’t understand group membership at all and I really don’t understand choosing to believe things that aren’t true because of emotions. I don’t mean that in a rightish cult “Facts don’t care about your feelings” way. I mean it in a “My feelings desperately care about facts” way. In a “It took years and years of work plus an escitalopram prescription for me to not hate myself to death if I found out I had said or believed something that was false” way. In a “Perceiving the best approximation of reality that humans are currently capable of is a core moral tenet for me” way.

Don’t hurt other living beings and do your best to understand reality as clearly as possible are the rules my brain came up with in the absence of rules imposed from outside. Those rules feel like…Me. Like What I Am. I don’t think I can phrase things in words that will change the beliefs of people who are so different from me that I would need a universal translator to have any hope of communicating with them.

Like I’ve said before, all I can do is accept and not judge people for their pasts if I see sufficient evidence that they truly have changed and are doing things to repair the damage they did. Getting them to the point of doing that, as opposed to accepting them afterward…that’s not something I can do, no matter how much people scream angrily online and judge and shame others about it.

[hyyper]

2024 retrospective below thanks!

Around June, I started drawing consistently again. Something I haven’t done in years. I want to claim university took away my drawing life, but that’s not entirely true. I’ve been in an art rut for a few years now even before I decided to go back to school.

I could write, in detail, the chronological timeline of my drawing journey from Summer until now, but I’m not real interested in that.

I’m interested in how a pencil feels like my best friend whose been with me since grade school. I’m interested in learning that the 6B pencil is my favorite type. I keep purchasing from the brand Faber Castell because that’s the one I picked up in college when I was forced to take the course “DRAWING I-INTRO INTO DRAWING,” and I’m too scared I’ll be disappointed if I were to try another brand.

I’m interested in knowing that my line work is clean. It’s a habit, a skill, that I choose to perfect over the other elements of art because I wanted to be like my idols, and it’s okay to be like my idols. It’s okay that the only reason I took drawing seriously was because a childhood friend told me I was good, and I wanted to draw hair better like in the show Sailor Moon. To this day, hair remains one of my single, most favorite part about drawing.

I’m interested in how an unusual anime series got me drawing like a mad woman. It began over the Summer, in June. I picked up my favorite 6B Faber Castell pencil and jot down a simple comic. The simple comic turned into a longer comic which turned into me Googling “how to comic speech bubble” because honestly, I didn’t read enough comics/manga to know what speech bubbles looked like, let alone know how to use them. I found myself learning a new art form. It solidified the idea that I can never learn enough.

I’ve always been that weirdo that just can’t “leave something alone.” I think about things critically. I think about things a lot. I feel too much. I used to be ashamed about it, about all of it. I’ve drawn fan art, made playlist for my favorite characters, video games, and series. There’s no way a normal person would fixate on something this much, I thought.

I started drawing again in June.

This time, I let myself explore my interest. I let myself remember the comforting experience of holding a pencil in my hand. I’ve accepted that I’m not the best painter, yet my line art can communicate and execute everything that I need it to. Yeah, I might be hyper fixated on that one anime, Golden Kamuy, but it’s gotten me to draw again, and for that reason alone, I feel like I owe it a few fan comics.

I've stated it before on this blog, and I'll say it again. I've thought about deleting this space multiple times over the past decade. The stuff I have made, I left it on internet thinking it’ll eventually die through entropy. Against my best knowledge, I'm glad this Tumblr's still here. It's one of the few spaces on the internet where I feel comfortable sharing my drawings publically (and writing I guess).

I mainly post this stuff for my own self-reflection, yet if you've read this far then thanks. Its been tough. Art's tough. Drawing isn't easy. If you used to create, but stopped, I hope you find your way back to it.

[sonia-kate]

Theory: Shugoddom lineage is all clones

Not sure if I posted that already, but whatever, we got some new info to put in here anyway

Ok, so thanks to Kyoryuger crossover we got it confirmed that people of Chikyuu came there from Earth (which was also speculated by many people but now we have it rock-solid)

Now, this also confirms that people of that era had the technology advanced enough for space colonization. We know that at least Caucasus Kabuto Castle was built back on Earth but most likely so did King-Ohger Zero, given that it is a prototype for King-Ohger, as well as it having a matching colour pattern, plus both can only be operated by Hastie blood

Ah, yes, the Hastie blood. Given that Reiniol Hastie became one of the first kings and, de facto, the most important one, combining it with his exclusivity of using the mecha, he was most likely the captain of the ship and was in charge of the whole project. The DNA lock most likely served as a security measure, so only the captain would be able to control such a crucial element of the expedition

But how come, that over 2000 years, those precious genes didn't dilute and Racules is still able to use OhgerCalibur Zero? Hell, how come Gira could bypass the DNA lock calibrated to Racules? Sure, they are brothers, but there's still a very high possibility that they could have inherited different genes from their parents. On top of that, there are those suspicious red markings, that both Gira and Racules have, as well as Reiniol himself

How to make sure that next generation of Hasties maintains a genome that would allow them to still use ZERO and Caucasus Kabuto? That's right - cloning! But I don't think it would be straight up cloning. All the Hastie family members differ in their appearance and one could say that they couldn't use one the same actor for all those roles for obvious reasons, but that's no fun, so let's look for an in-universe explaination

My guess is that 100% DNA compativility is not necessary, but only specific DNA string exclusive to Hasties and, most likely, related to their red markings. What's more, slight randomisation of the genes that aren't part of that specific string would be welcome, especially that people might freak out if all the people in the dynasty look exactly the same

One could argue that space travel and building mecha is a different kind of advanced tech than cloning. It's true, but we've also seen that Shugoddom possesses the technology to revive the dead! Or maybe, it wasn't revival of the original Daigorg, but rather his clone that was supposed to have the same properties and serve the same purpose as the original?

We've also seen inplications, that the Bugnarok used to be humans that mutated from absorbing shugod souls (I suspect some accident that led to it, hence why we got so many so quickly). Not only it means that DNA alteration plots are on the table, but since Gira is also implied to have absorbed God Kuwagata's soul, yet his body wasn't affected at all, which may suggest that the special genes of the Hastie family allow them to safely connect with Shugods

Speaking of which, Reiniol was said to be chosen by tge shugods, just like Gira was. Not only would it work as another security measure, but would be quite handy. Imagine you can just tell the ship how to maneuver itself, or ask it exactly which part of it got broken

But of course, you wouldn't trust so much power over such an important mission to a single random person. Of course, Reiniol could have been some renowned pilot hence why he was trusted with such responsibility but... it could have been that he himself was created as some sort of experiment, and for his whole life he was trained to wield the responsibility over the colonisation mission. It brings to mind Jerami's story of how the first king of Shugoddom defeated all the other kings in their respective fields of expertise. It could be because he's been trained his whole life to be prepared for anything when he'd lead humanity in the uncharted territories in the space

One could say that he was a specifically crafted tool, that would be able to deal with any hardships that a leader/ruler may face... and we know whose trademark is comparing people to tools

[amethystina]

Oh gosh, sorry to hear you’ve been getting lots of critiques recently. Even when it’s valid and solicited criticism can be rough, and the out of the blue stuff is always worse :/ And I say that as someone who works in the arts for a living.

I wish I had something better to say than that every artist you admire has likely felt the same way at one point or another, as even the best of the best of the best get complaints, but I don’t, so know at least that you’re in good company. (In theatre we actually have a saying that the day you can truly call yourself a professional is the day you get your first really bad review, so I always take comfort in the universality of the experience, even if it super fucking sucks lol)

I know I could also tell you that your writing is phenomenal and for every person who has a complaint there’s a bunch more who are having the BEST time (myself included xD), but I also know that doesn’t fix it when someone’s made you doubt yourself. For the record though, I will say it. Your writing IS phenomenal, and it DOES bring both me and others quite a lot of joy. I get very excited every time I see you’ve updated (either fic that I’m reading xD), and I find it genuinely a bonus that this particular story is so long. Because it means that the experience of reading it for the first time doesn’t have to be over yet.

I’m VERY much rambling now, but try and be kind to yourself is I guess at the heart of what I’m saying. Take care of yourself, take your time, and come back to things when you’re ready. You’re allowed to feel hurt, or doubtful, or whatever, and if time is what you need to take care of yourself, then you should take it <3.

To be honest, I would be genuinely surprised if I was somehow able to avoid getting criticism. It's just a natural part of posting online, it would seem, no matter one's skill level or the fandom.

And, usually, I can handle it pretty well. It just so happens that everything piled up on the same day and that got a little overwhelming. It honestly felt a bit like the universe was ganging up on me for no apparent reason xD

Thank you so much for your kind words, though 💜 It's true that there are no immediate fixes to the kind of doubts that arise from unsolicited criticism, but it certainly helps to know that there are people who enjoy what I do. Because, in the long run, it's not about writing the most perfect, flawless fic, but rather sharing the joy and excitement I feel over the stories that I write. So thank you so much for taking the time to tell me 💜

And yeah, I'm doing my best to rest right now, partly because I did end up getting sick. So I've mostly been drawing highly questionable Strangers From Hell fanart and, earlier today, I hyper-fixated for hours and randomly did a playlist for Who Holds the Devil. Which is VERY unexpected since I don't really connect music to my writing?

I blame @sofapup17 who made a wonderful playlist for my Strangers From Hell fanfic, which I've been looping while drawing the aforementioned fanart xD (and I also stole three songs from it to my own playlist ;D ) And that of course made me wonder if I could do one, too. Turns out that I can! It's hella long but, uh, that's both on-brand and appropriate considering the fanfic, I guess? I honestly didn't expect to find as much music as I did.

So yeah. While I'm not writing on Who Holds the Devil right now, I'm keeping busy with other creative projects. There never seems to be a shortage of those, somehow x'D

Thank you again for your kind words. The fact that so many people are willing to take time out of their day to cheer me up is so incredibly humbling. Thank you 💜

[small-screen-superman]

I love My Adventures with Superman, but I decided to write some thoughts about the one thing about it that bugs me most. Spoilers for episodes 4-6! The best way to read it is my non-Tumblr blog, but I'll include the text below too.

About a month ago, it finally happened. My Adventures with Superman came out. I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time; I wrote a blog post when it was first announced over 2 years ago. Based on what little was known about the show back then, it seemed like exactly what I wanted: a show focusing on Clark’s humanity and his life at the Daily Planet, and especially his friendship with fellow Planet employees Lois and Jimmy. That is indeed what the show is about. So do I like it? You bet I do! It’s charming, fun and exciting. It is indeed very focused on characters and relationships, but that does not mean it skimps out on the action. It’s also pretty humorous.

If any of this sounds like a good show to you, I recommend watching it. It’s available on Max (formerly HBO Max). At the time of this post’s writing, the show is up to its seventh episode. This post contains spoilers for episodes 4-6, so if you want a “fresh” experience of the show, you should stop reading. But if you do decide to finish this post instead of running off to watch the show, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t watch the show – I don’t think learning the information found in this post will ruin your experience at all.

At any rate, this is your last warning for spoilers.

When MAWS was newly announced, I thought its premise sounded so promising that it might end up being basically exactly what I’d want a new Superman cartoon to be. That might’ve been a little too optimistic. I didn’t fully realize how nontraditional MAWS was going to be. That’s not a bad thing in and of itself, of course, but as a fan of the traditional Superman setup, I don’t necessarily consider it ideal either.

The first big change that’s obvious from the very first episode is that Lois reciprocates Clark’s interest in her from the start. Many villains are also massively re-imagined. But in this article, I want to focus on what I consider the most radical change and the one that I’m least on board with: by episode 6, both Lois and Jimmy know Clark is Superman. Or, in in-universe terms, they both learn Clark is Superman shortly after Superman first appears.

Wasted Potential

It took some effort for me to fully understand why this idea bothers me, so it will take a bit of time for me to convey it too. The first and most obvious issue is that it closes off a lot of potential stories that could be told. Of course, it also opens up possibilities for other stories to be told, so the real issue is that it means stories, plot points, and ideas that I personally want to see are closed off.

I’m sure after decades and decades of superhero media, a lot of people are tired of seeing superheroes constantly keeping their identities secret from even their close friends. But in all honesty, I just am not. I think this setup, tried-and-true as it may be, is full of potential.

Some of that potential is for humor. MAWS is pretty humorous, so it would fit right in. What’s a bigger deal is that I enjoy the irony and tragedy of this premise. In the 1950s Adventures of Superman live-action show, the friendship between Clark, Lois, and Jimmy is also important, but they don’t know that he’s Superman, and to me, there’s something about that which is just so interesting and sad in a way: having a strong, almost family-like bond with others, and yet not willing to let them know something so fundamental about yourself. It just seems poignant to me. I guess I always like for Superman to have at least a touch of sadness to his character.

Not being able to open up to others, even others we care about, is something that I think almost everyone has experienced at one point or another. There’s something strangely satisfying about seeing Superman represent such a basic human struggle in an extreme way. I guess technically, MAWS also depicts this struggle since Lois and Jimmy found out Clark was Superman, rather than being told by him…but it happening so fast means there’s no time to dwell on this struggle or really appreciate it.

MAWS could’ve still been fairly revolutionary by making Lois and Jimmy learning about Clark’s identity happen relatively early, but not within the first couple of episodes – at the end of the first season, for example. This way, they would’ve had time to actually use the potential of the “classic” setup.

However, as I thought more about my dissatisfaction with MAWS’ choice, I’ve come to realize there’s an even more fundamental reason why it bothers me.

I Want a Contrast Between Clark & Superman, and Now That’s Much Harder

There are a lot of foundational aspects of Superman that contribute to his appeal as a character. Which aspects are more appealing or important is highly variable from one person to another. As I’ve thought about why MAWS’ decision and its consequences don’t feel right to me, it’s brought to mind how important a certain aspect actually is to me. That aspect is simply the contrast between Clark and Superman.

Now, Clark and Superman’s apparent personalities have varied greatly over the years, both in general and in relation to each other. Sometimes, Clark and Superman act extremely differently – Clark acts cowardly, mild-mannered, and clumsy, while Superman is bold and headstrong – that sort of thing. I’m not necessarily talking about that. Some versions of Clark don’t seem to act much differently from Superman (especially in Adventures of Superman and many Post-Crisis depictions), and I actually like these versions better a lot of the time.

Even without a big personality change, there’s still a big contrast between Clark and Superman. Clark, as an identity and persona, is a human being with no powers who lives a human life and is in effect limited in many of the ways humans are, since he has to hide his powers and chooses to live the same kind of life humans live. And while we, the audience, know Clark is Superman, we still see him acting as a normal person and being treated as a normal person by most people he interacts with. This causes the idea of Clark the Human to be firm in our mind…and that, in my experience, makes it more powerful and compelling when we see Clark and Superman “meet”: when we’re reminded that they’re one and the same. It can lead us to contemplate how unusual it really is that a man who appears normal is actually, well…Superman.

I’ll give a couple of TV examples of seeing Clark and Superman “meet” that gives me a certain sense of wonder. In the 5th episode of Lois & Clark (Requiem for a Superhero), while Clark and Lois are investigating, in order to hinder the people who are about to discover them, Clark creates a mini-earthquake, pretending it’s an actual earthquake. In a way, this gives me a sense of awe because Clark had been acting as a normal human around Lois, and in a sense it’s almost as if I had fallen for the illusion of Clark being human. To suddenly see such a display of his powers gives me a sense of amazement that such a powerful being would practically “be” a normal human. I don’t think I’d have had this sensation at all if Lois just…knew Clark was Superman. Of course, Lois does eventually learn Clark is Superman in this show, but there’s still plenty of time giving to establishing the illusion of Clark being human.

An “opposite” example (seeing the Clark-ness of Superman, rather than the Superman-ness of Clark) is in the 6th episode of Superman: The Animated Series (Feeding Time). Parasite finds out Superman’s secret identity (due to being able to gain knowledge from people whose energy and powers he’s absorbed) and kidnaps him. As Parasite explains his plan to keep Superman there indefinitely, Superman says that his co-workers will look for him when they realize he hasn’t come into work for a while. Seeing this be one of the first things Superman says makes me think that he doesn’t see himself that differently from how we see ourselves. To the viewer, there’s something a bit shocking about Superman suddenly having to rely on normal humans, but this doesn’t seem to be the case from his perspective. In a way, it makes me amazed to contemplate how Superman can be one of us despite being, well, Superman. A powerful contrast like this would be hard to create if Superman talking with someone who knows he’s Clark is something that happened extremely frequently.

Do you see what I’m getting at? I enjoy being amazed at the fact that Superman and Clark are one and the same. I enjoy seeing that contrast and then being reminded that it’s all an illusion. It really makes you think about who Clark/Superman is, and how his humanity and, well, “Supermanity” can coexist – how for him, it might be natural, but for us, it’s remarkable. I like finding it amazing that he’s both man and Superman – both human and “god”. If Clark is constantly interacting with people who know his secret identity, it’s very hard for something like that to ever happen.

I have a feeling this might have been a deliberate choice, but in MAWS, the two personas of Clark and Superman feel…a bit insignificant. After all, since he spends so much time interacting just with people who know his secret already, he’s free to openly use his powers even when he’s not in his Superman persona. Heck, in episode 6, Clark doesn’t change into his Superman outfit at all, and it barely seems to matter.

I don’t like the fact that it doesn’t matter. I like that Superman has 2 different identities that are perceived very differently. It’s a pretty important factor as to why I like the character. I love to see that contrast and to remember that it’s just an illusion. It makes me think about who Superman is in a deeper way – about how there are realities about himself that he keeps separate in the views of others via his two identities, and how that dual identity both conceals and reveals who he is, in a sense. It’s really interesting stuff that I feel like I can’t encapsulate in this article without going off on a tangent, but the point is, if you don’t really get to see Superman “doing” his dual identity that much, it’s hard to get much out of it.

An Aside: MAWS Could Still Make a Contrast Between Clark and Superman…But They Don’t

OK, this is somewhat tangential, but I think it needs to be addressed or this article will feel a little incomplete.

I established that there being a contrast between Clark and Superman is not dependent on Clark and Superman acting as though they have noticeably different personalities. Obviously, though, them having different personalities is still a big way for them to have a contrast between each other. If MAWS actually employed this method of having a contrast between them, perhaps it would bother me a little less that another huge method (him mostly interacting with people who think Clark is a normal human) wasn’t present. However, MAWS…definitely doesn’t do this.

The two most common ways to depict Superman and Clark is to have Superman be bold and for Clark to be “wimpy” in some way (with the “wimpiness” being a fake personality to fool people into thinking he’s not Superman), or for them to both be bold. MAWS takes a road less traveled and makes Clark being awkward and nervous (though not to an extreme degree) be his actual personality. It would then make perfect sense for Superman to have a fake personality of boldness, but they don’t really go in that direction, except maybe very subtly. I guess Superman isn’t that openly insecure, but he’s certainly not as confident as you’d expect him to be. It feels…very wrong. Heck, even if they didn’t make Lois and Jimmy learn the truth so fast, it would still probably bother me that Superman acts in such a nontraditional way. But the fact that they did makes it worse, because it makes seeing a contrast between Clark and Superman basically impossible.

An Additional Aside: It Might Not Hurt MAWS, But It Sets a Precedent

I do wonder if I’m overreacting about this. MAWS is still a great show and Lois and Jimmy knowing the secret from early on is a part of it, and the show wouldn’t be the same without it. So maybe it doesn’t really matter. It’s not like MAWS has to be the ultimate version of Superman that contains everything that makes the character appealing.

But a popular show making a big change could very easily influence future interpretations, so the very fact that MAWS is doing this could have ramifications for future versions of Superman. I’m not meaning to say adaptations should be afraid of changing things just because other people might copy them. I’m just saying, it wouldn’t be surprising if other media took cues from MAWS in this area, and I think that could be unfortunate.

Maybe this is paranoid, but I think it’s at least worth mentioning. It’s normal for adaptations to influence other adaptations and even the comics themselves, and this change traveling to other media is not a happy prospect for me. (Though I’m keeping in mind that this change can be used for interesting and quality stories, of course. But it becoming widespread and making its way to very important and/or high-profile media would be quite disappointing to me.)

So yeah – I think I did an okay job articulating why I’m unsatisfied with MAWS’ decision to have Lois and Jimmy learn the truth so early. I can’t say there’s anything inherently wrong with it from a storytelling perspective or in terms of what the writers want to accomplish. And it certainly doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the show – it doesn’t even mean I can’t enjoy the parts of the show that are direct consequences of this decision.

Essentially, all that it means is that MAWS will never feel anywhere close to a “definitive” version of Superman to me. It will always feel more like “Superman with a twist” or something like that. That’s not a horrible fate to be consigned to at all…it’s just not as good as what I was hoping for from MAWS.

[theabacaking]

Starting Out

The first step to any genealogical research starts from the place that one knows the best: themselves.

Starting with your own life and experiences is the usual advice given out by a lot of people that dabble into genealogy and it was definitely a good place to start because of course you would most likely know your close relatives (unless you find yourself in a situation that you actually can't know them at all). That sort of personal reflection and knowledge check is often quite personal and may even lead to your private information being broadcasted out there so maybe it's not best to post about that here, bur rest-assured I looked into it and had made sure to make a list of things that I know.

Let's skip a little bit then and talk about immediate family instead, a place one step removed from the me in the equation and we're back to being a little too public ourselves. It's not too crazy to easily do one Facebook name search and suddenly find out who the children of so and so is and figure out which one of them could be that one freak who has too much free time on their hands so that's another thing that's going to be kept in the private notes for now.

Let's go a generation upwards then and maybe I could start with stories about my grandmother? That's a little more vague and it doesn't feel that invasive as she had passed away and does have quite a number of children and definitely way more grandchildren that it's probably not going to expose my private details that quickly which is great and I do have a lot of stories to tell about her... but it feels a little odd to start talking about her right now when the dirt on her grave still hasn't grown grass yet.

Maybe then I could start with the stories of one of my most notorious family member and grandfather Salvador Guillermo Jaucian, who my mother called Lolo Badoring or Lolo Doring, who, in his audacity and bravado had sired so many children that I'm quite scared to learn of the true number that there's no way that anyone could easily figure out who I am just by hearing his name, right? So I guess I'll start off with discussing him and researching him eventually.

Besides family, I guess there are other places people could look like genealogy websites to try to get more information, but those aren't the most reliable and even then I don't know who's writing those things, which I guess does make me out to be a bit of a hypocrite if I think about it for a maybe half a second.

I would definitely trust those user-run sites more if I knew who was the ones behind them, so until I figure that out, it may not be a good source.

Perhaps this is the first time that I would be joking about the family's prestige or former high-class status (well, on our side anyway) but there are perks of not descending from poor farmers when it comes to family research.

One thing that's been a frequent thing I've been doing early on too is to get a lot of sources from people outside the family like official sites and historical articles, including historical posts from historians such as the blog written by social historian Toto Gonzalez called Remembrance of Things Awry which had seem to attract fellow historians such as the late Sonny Tinio, a renowned Filipino historian, member of the Imperial clan, and a cousin of my mother through my Lolo Doring being first cousins with his grandmother, and Norman G. Owen, a professor of history in the University of Hong Kong and author of the book The Bikol Blend: Bikolanos and Their History — a book that details the history of Bikolandia and makes mention of the history of several of its old families including the Jaucians themselves.

It has given me some basic information that would've been otherwise difficult to obtain and quite especially the supposed origins of the family, dating back to 1801 with the baptism of the almost mythical Domingo Jaucian, of which a lot of information just comes up that he was a Chinese sangley who was baptized and had possibly changed his name to Jaucian when he did so as there are no records of the Jaucian surname prior to him.

That's the kind of information that I definitely didn't got from my father's side of the family, a family of which had come from a long line of poor farmers. The best I could get is maybe the vague understanding that we my father's family probably came from Quezon Province or Tayabas as it was once called before settling where we live now but that's about it from the average farmer-descent family.

So I guess, in a way, despite the difficulty that I will probably face when trying to figure out what's going on with those old rich dead people, it's probably easy mode compared to any genealogical research I might have to do if I ever pick up trying to learn the history of my father's side.

also on wordpress

[somethingorotherer]

alright so, Exolitic (that's the name of the thing) is mostly focussed around the development of magical theory, which may seem like a weird thing to focus on, but i can't write characters to save my life and i don't really think i can do countries to the same standard as the rest of my stuff.

let's start with the basics, then I'll get into the timeline. Exolitic is set on Earth, to a certain degree. outside the planet, most things are the same as real world, all astronomy is as it should be and the like (except for some experiments i'm not sure about making cannon yet). Magic in Exolitic runs on Mana, and mana runs on space. When a mage attempts to pull mana (called channeling), they draw on the magic that saturates the space inside their own bodies. Critically, this is not taking from the body itself! there is no danger in casting magic, that's not the limiting factor. The real limiting factor is knowledge and complexity, just like any other part of human existence (see, chemistry, engineering, storytelling, farming). Magic is a part of reality, so it's really complex and requires study and community effort to use to it's real potential. i won't go over how magic is used just yet, but i'll get on that in another post. onto the timeline, the timeline of Exolitic is split into 3 Ages, each handily numbered. each age is based on a form that fantasy has taken as a genre, and the edges are defined by the use of something called the "grand entrance" which i don't have time to go over here, but let's go over the ages quickly. there are also smaller "periods" within Ages, but these are murkily defined and historians in universe debate them consistently; it's basically like real history. Age 1 was based around old fantasy, mostly drawing on fairy tales and to a lesser degree mythology (though i always feel like taking those stories is sort of disrespectful to the people who actually believe in them, despite that not seeming to be remotely true.). in this age, the gods still lived. these were not good gods, and they were absolutely out for humanity's collective heads. most humans either lived in small, hidden villages, or moved with herds of animals, as these were the only things that could be effectively hidden from the gods. again, we're hitting territory i don't have the time to explain here, so just know for now that we did manage to force the gods out of reality, through the Grand Entrance. i know that's a lot to gloss over, but i need to stay on track. Age 2 was based around Tolkien and descendant fantasy (I include DND type fantasy, and honestly a good most of modern fantasy in this), and is probably the age i know most about. This was an age of high magic, where the land was dominated by wizards towers that stretched taller than skyscrapers. Each tower was unique, because each was under the command of a single Archmage. Archmage's were powerful, studied, and talented mages proficient in all magic that was known of at the time, but their power was not internal. If you met an Archmage, they would only seem like an unusually good quality mage - it was the tower that held all thier strength. by engineering these magically reinforced structures, fed by the mana of the towns that grew at thier bases, they became practically unstoppable within thier small sphere of influence. as the age progressed, towers grew taller and cities grew larger, and magic was at it's most powerful. At one time, when seven Archmagi were convinced to combine thier strengths, the greatest tower was produced, and with it the greatest city - The Magnum Opus, who's peak reached so high up that gravity could not be felt. Age 2 was ended by two events at the same time; the discovery of the Counterspell Formula, and the reopening of the Grand Entrance. okay bad news tumblr won't let me put it all in one post. 1/2 i guess

Oooo, I saw in your bio you're working on a fantasy world which is AWESOME!!! can you tell me about it (only if you want of course, sorry if I'm being a pain)?

yes100%immediately alright i need to think of somewhere to start with this because it's not straightforward. hold on, take this post as confirmation while i think of somewhere to start.

[respectable-username]

🔐 Why You (Probably) Don't Need A VPN

A rant by a software engineer sick of VPN ads from her favourite YouTubers

TL;DR:

Here are some legitimate reasons the average internet user might want to use a VPN:

To connect to their company's internal network

To bypass the Great Firewall of China (or other types of website blocks at country or organisation level)

To watch Netflix etc as if you were in another country

Here are absolutely rubbish reasons to use a VPN:

Privacy

And today, I'll tell you why.

Hang on, won't a VPN stop hackers from stealing my passwords?

I mean, it does encrypt the web traffic coming from your device.

You know what else encrypts web traffic coming from your device? Your browser.

Yes, in the year 2021, pretty much all websites on the internet are accessed over HTTPS. The "S" stands for "secure", as in "your request will be securely encrypted". If your browser is using HTTPS, nobody can capture the data you're sending over the internet. More detail in the "I like too much detail" section at the bottom of this post.

It's very easy to check if you are using HTTPS by looking at your URL bar. In most browsers, it will have a lock on it if secure:

(From top left to bottom right: Chrome on iOS, Safari on iOS, Chrome on Windows, Edge on Windows, Firefox on Windows, and Safari on Mac. Screenshots reflect the UI at the time this post was written. Oh gosh this has taken over 4 hours to write.)

But isn't moar encryption better? What if somebody breaks HTTPS?

For starters, nobody's breaking your HTTPS, and there isn't any benefit from double encrypting. This is because of the maths behind encryption/decryption!

Encryption works kinda like a lock and key, except the lock is maths and the key is a special number only known to the person allowed to unlock the information.

The important thing is, without the key, all the locked data looks like complete and utter garbage. Completely unusable. Barely distinguishable from random noise. There's absolutely no way to tell what the original data was.

The other important thing is that the key is nearly unguessable. As in, with current technology, will generally take more than the lifetime of the universe to guess by chance. And when technology gets faster, we just make the numbers bigger again until they're once again secure.

For any major website you use, they will use a strong encryption algorithm (ie lock) with big numbers so your keys will be strong enough to withstand an attack. This means your data is safe as long as that lock icon is in your URL bar.

A VPN will not make the existing garble any more garbled. The extra $10/month or whatever you're paying for does not buy you any extra protection.

If you want to know more about how encryption and HTTPS in particular work, see the "I like too much detail" section at the end of this post.

Something something viruses

How's a VPN going to stop viruses? It controls the path your internet traffic takes, not the content that gets sent down that path. I guess it could block some known virus-giving hosts? But if it's known to the VPN provider, it's probably also known to the built-in antivirus on your computer who can block it for you.

(Oh yeah, 3rd party antivirus is another thing that's not worth paying for these days. Microsoft's built-in Windows Defender is as good as the third party options, and something something Macs don't get viruses easily because of how they're architected.)

Honestly though, keep your software up to date, don't click on anything suspicious, don't open files from sources you don't trust, and you'll be right most of the time.

And keep your software up to date. Then update your software. Hey, did I mention keeping your stuff updated? Update! Now! It only takes a few minutes. Please update to the latest version of your software I'm begging you. It's the number 1 way to protect yourself from viruses and other malware. Most major software attacks could have been prevented if people just updated their damn software!

But my ISP is spying on me!

Ok, it is true that there are TWO bits of data that HTTPS can't and won't hide. Those are:

The source of a request (your IP)

What website that request is going to (the website's IP)

These are the bits of information that routers use to know where to send your data, so of course they can't be hidden as the data is moving across the internet. And people can see that information very easily if they want to.

Note: this will show which website you're going to, but not which page you're looking at, and not the content of that page. So it will show that you were on Tumblr, but will not show anyone that you're still reading SuperWhoLock content in 2021.

It's this source/destination information that VPNs hide, which is why they can be used to bypass website blocks and region locks.

By using a VPN, those sniffing traffic on your side of the VPN will just show you connecting to the VPN, not the actual website you want. That means you can read AO3 at work/school without your boss/teachers knowing (unless they look over your shoulder of course).

As for those sniffing on the websites end, including the website itself, they will see the VPN as the source of the connection, not you. So if you're in the US and using a VPN node in the UK, Netflix will see you as being in the UK and show you their British library rather than the American one.

If this is what you're using a VPN for and you think the price is fair, then by all means keep doing it! This is 100% what VPNs are good for.

HOWEVER, and this is a big "however", if it's your ISP you're trying to hide your internet traffic from, then you will want to think twice before using a VPN.

Let me put it this way. Without a VPN, your ISP knows every website you connect to and when. With a VPN, do you know who has that exact same information? The VPN provider. Sure, many claim to not keep logs, but do you really trust the people asking for you to send them all your data for a fee to not just turn around and sell your data on for a profit, or worse?

In effect, you're trading one snooper for another. One snooper is heavily regulated, in many jurisdictions must obey net neutrality, and is already getting a big fee from you regardless of where you browse. The other isn't. Again, it's all a matter of who you trust more.

For me personally, I trust my ISP more than a random VPN provider, if for no other reason than my ISP is an old enough company with enough inertia and incompetence that I don't think they could organise to sell my data even if they wanted to. And with the amount of money I'm paying them per month, they've only got everything to lose if they broke consumer trust by on-selling that data. So yeah, I trust my ISP more with my privacy than the random VPN company.

But my VPN comes with a password manager!

Password managers are great. I 100% recommend you use a password manager. If there's one thing you could do right now to improve your security (other than updating your software, speaking of, have you updated yet?), it's getting and using a password manager.

Password managers also come for free.

I'm currently using LastPass free, but am planning to switch after they did a bad capitalism and only let their free accounts access either laptop or mobile but not both now. I personally am planning to move to Bitwarden on friends' recommendation since it's not only free but open source and available across devices. I also have friends who use passbolt and enjoy it, which is also free and open source, but it's also a bit DIY to set up. Great if you like tinkering though! And there are probably many other options out there if you do a bit of googling.

So, yeah, please use a password manager, but don't pay for it unless you actually have use for the extra features.

No I really need to hide my internet activity from everybody for reasons

In this case, you're probably looking for TOR. TOR is basically untraceable. It's also a terrible user experience for the most part because of this, so I'd only recommend it if you need it, such as if you're trying to escape the Great Firewall. But please don't use it for Bad Crimes. I am not to be held liable for any crime committed using information learned from this post.

Further reading viewing

If you want to know more about why you don't need a VPN, see Tom Scott's amazing video on the subject. It's honestly a great intro for beginners.

I like too much detail

Ahhh, so you're the type of person who doesn't get turned off by long explanations I see. Well, here's a little more info on the stuff I oversimplified in the main post about encryption. Uhh, words get bigger and more jargony in this section.

So first oversimplification: the assumption that all web traffic is either HTTP or HTTPS. This isn't exactly true. There are many other application layer internet standards out there, such as ssh, ftp, websockets, and all the proprietary standards certain companies use for stuff such as streaming and video conferencing. Some of these are secure, using TLS or some other security algorithm under the hood, and some of them aren't.

But most of the web requests you care about are HTTP/HTTPS calls. As for the rest, if they come from a company of a decent size that hasn't been hacked off the face of the planet already, they're probably also secure. In other words, you don't need to worry about it.

Next, we've already said that encryption works as a lock and a key, where the lock is a maths formula and the key is a number. But how do we get that key to lock and unlock the data?

Well, to answer that, we first need to talk about the two different types of encryption: symmetric and asymmetric. Symmetric encryption such as AES uses the same key to both encrypt and decrypt data, whereas asymmetric encryption such as RSA uses a different key to encode and decode.

For the sake of my writing, we're going to call the person encrypting Alice, the person decrypting Bob, and the eavesdropper trying to break our communications Eve from now on. These are standard names in crypto FYI. Also, crypto is short for cryptography not cryptocurrencies. Get your Bitcoin and Etherium outta here!

Sorry if things start getting incoherent. I'm tired. It's after 1am now.

So first, how do we get the key from symmetric crypto? This is probably the easier place to start. Well, you need a number, any number of sufficient size, that both Alice and Bob know. There are many ways you could share this number. They could decide it when they meet in person. They could send it to each other using carrier pigeons. Or they could radio it via morse code. But those aren't convenient, and somebody could intercept the number and use it to read all their messages.

So what we use instead is a super clever algorithm called Diffie-Hellman, which uses maths and, in particular, the fact it's really hard to factor large numbers (probably NP Hard to be specific, but there's no actual proof of that). The Wikipedia page for this is surprisingly easy to read, so I'll just direct you there to read all about it because I've been writing for too long. This algorithm allows Alice and Bob to agree on a secret number, despite Eve being able to read everything they send each other.

Now Alice and Bob have this secret number key, they can talk in private. Alice puts her message and the key into the encryption algorithm and out pops what looks like a load of garbage. She can then send this garbage to Bob without worrying about Eve being able to read it. Bob can then put the garbage and the key into the decryption algorithm to undo the scrambling and get the original message out telling him where the good donuts are. Voila, they're done!

But how does Alice know that she's sending her message to Bob and not Eve? Eve could pretend to be Bob so that Alice does the Diffie-Hellman dance with her instead and sends her the secret location of the good donuts instead.

This is where asymmetric crypto comes in! This is the one with private and public keys, and the one that uses prime numbers.

I'm not 100% across the maths on this one TBH, but it has something to do with group theory. Anyway, just like Diffie-Hellman, it relies on the fact that prime factorisation is hard, and so it does some magic with semi-primes, ie numbers with only 2 prime factors other than 1. Google it if you want to know more. I kinda zoned out of this bit in my security courses. Maths hard

But the effect of that maths is easier to explain: things that are encoded with one of the keys can only be decoded with the other key. This means that one of those keys can be well-known to the public and the other is known only to the person it belongs to.

If Alice wants to send a message to Bob and just Bob, no Eve allowed, she can first look up Bob's public key and encrypt a beginning message with that. Once Bob receives the message, he can decrypt it with his private key and read the contents. Eve can't read the contents though because, even though she has Bob's public key, she doesn't know his private key.

This public key information is what the lock in your browser is all about BTW. It's saying that the website is legit based on the public key they provide.

So why do we need symmetric crypto when we have asymmetric crypto? Seems a lot less hassle to exchange keys with asymmetric crypto.

Well, it's because asymmetric crypto is slooooow. So, in TLS, the security algorithm that puts the "S" in "HTTPS", asymmetric RSA is used to establish the initial connection and figure out what symmetric key to use, and then the rest of the session uses AES symmetric encryption using the agreed secret key.

And there you have it! Crypto in slightly-less-short-but-still-high-enough-level-that-I-hope-you-understand.

Just realised how long this section is. Well, I did call it "too much detail" for a reason.

Now, next question is what exactly is and isn't encrypted using HTTPS.

Well, as I said earlier, it's basically just the source IP:port and the destination IP:port. In fact, this information is actually communicated on the logical layer below the application layer HTTPS is on, known as the transport layer. Again, as I said before, you can't really encrypt this unless you don't want your data to reach the place you want at all.

Also, DNS is unencrypted. A DNS request is a request that turns a domain name, such as tumblr.com, into an IP address, by asking a special server called a Domain Name Server where to find the website you're looking for. A DNS request is made before an HTTP(S) request. Anyone who can read your internet traffic can therefore tell you wanted to go to Tumblr.

But importantly, this only shows the domain name, not the full URL. The rest of the URL, the part after the third slash (the first two slashes being part of http://), is stuff that's interpreted by the server itself and so isn't needed during transport. Therefore, it encrypted and completely unreadable, just like all the content on your page.

I was going to show a Wireshark scan of a web request using HTTP and HTTPS to show you the difference, but this has taken long enough to write as it is, so sorry!

I could probably write more, but it's 1:30am and I'm sleepy. I hope you found some of this interesting and think twice before purchasing a VPN subscription. Again, there are legit good uses for a VPN, but they're not the ones primarily being advertised in VPN ads. It's the fact that VPN ads rely so heavily on false advertising that really grinds my gears and made me want to do this rant. It's especially bad when it comes from somebody I'd think of as technologically competent (naming no names here, but if you've worked in tech and still promote VPNs as a way to keep data safe... no). Feel free to ask questions if you want and hopefully I'll get around to answering any that I feel I know enough to answer.

Nighty night Tumblr. Please update your software. And use a (free) password manager. And enable two factor authentication on all your accounts. But mostly just update your software.

[autistic-sidestep]

squinting at sidestep's [redacted]/sidestep's age/timeline stuff, not very coherent but throwing it together in one place (obviously massive retri spoilers)

We’re assuming Sidestep is (unless there’s a weird curveball the author’s going to hit us with in books 3 or 4) a Re-gene. What i’m going off of is the article mentioned in the timeline’s claim the Re-gene project dates back to the 70s which is probably connected to the hero drug research going underground given that Re-genes are boosted:

They have memories from someone else:

The sibling matches the gender of (if relevant) a binary trans sidestep, ortega suspects hg arranged a legal gender marker change for them:

The Venice Beach memory sets them as at least 7 years old before the big one, but the juvenile detention photo is from before “puberty [...] kicked in fully”. That puts the sibling’s year of birth as at least pre-1973, and HG is thought to be at least Ortega’s age or older (Ortega was born in 1982). For the sibling to be younger than HG, HG’s date of birth has to be before that, maybe 1960s? To self declare as kingpin of LD in 1999 they’d need a lot of influence that a teen doesn’t have, (i have a separate tinfoil theory wrt the hood/HG connection given that Hood’s power was geokinesis, maybe Hood was affiliated with hg’s family before going straight?)

So officially the youngest sibling died in custody, but given the ethics of the project and the Farm’s interests in telepaths/maybe connected to why telepaths keep disappearing… maybe the sibling took the hero drug at a young age and was a telepath? Or they were experimented on at the Farm, or its predecessor, if the in-universe article’s claim is true, and the sibling became a Boost after being officially listed as dead. There’s definitely a crime family link there from Ortega’s tinfoil theory, maybe related to the sibling being in juvenile detention. 

See: ‘the old man’ probably HG’s father? Looks like they’re the only surviving child left if what ortega found abt their siblings is real, probably other relatives involved if it’s crime family’

There’s a mention that sidestep suspects sunstream might’ve been disappeared and taken for experiments after she quit the rangers b/c of interest in her powers, and sidestep can also be concerned about a romanced argent for the same reason post-crash if they went to the meeting

Anyway this aside i think this debunks Sidestep being the sibling cos of the big age difference (on that note, ortega, how old do you think sidestep is??? They’d have to be in their late thirties for it to make sense, unless ortega thinks they have really good genes + supposedly the boost process slowed their ageing but even then…), since they should be late 40s-early 50s, not early 30s. Sidestep’s physical age places them as born in the late 80s, wayyyyy after the big one. The only thing that works here is that they’re cloned from the sibling’s genetic material. I’m wondering whether the sibling is actually still alive and captive, that might be interesting

Sidestep says they were decanted as a physical teenager

Hasn’t been implanted with the chip yet when they say no, since regenes are androids – probably memories carried over from the sibling? Word of god says they take a few months to grow to maturity iirc

sidestep is familiar enough with the special directive to know their tactics and how they work, as we know from the psychopathor warehouse fight, so a while (no more than 3 years, ofc), which was (“officially” anyways, take with a pinch of salt) formed in 2005, so their escape has to be between its formation and their debut, and i think another word of god is that regenes age normally after they’re decanted? 

Nine years ago (from rebirth, 2020), on the date of the nanosurge in 2011, i’m guessing ‘being twenty’ as meaning early 20s, given that two years later HB happens and sidestep says they were about the same age as herald is in retri (25) - maybe the author lost track of dates a bit?

that would make sidestep’s year of birth from their body’s physical age (assuming that’s what they’re referring to) as late - putting their debut as physically just hitting adulthood? think their decanting is early 00s so they’re the right age.

Anyway. Uh. yeah.