#this photo is too badass for me to keep it to myself

[p3achj3llyf1sh]

I love photo mode. Imma draw this but also make it my backround.

[serendertothesquad]

Seren's Studies: The Odd Squad UK Trailer

Well, 8 days after my birthday really ain't bad for a belated gift. At this point I'll take what I can get.

Even if it means I have to crawl out of sleep to do it.

*deep sigh*

So you might be thinking, "Hold on, we got a new trailer?" And to that I say yes. Yes we did. PBS grew enough balls to actually give Odd Squad some love during a programming initiative that has absolutely nothing to do with it. And they put it on Vimeo, apparently, which puts all the audition videos that have been unearthed (for OSUK, OSMU, and Odd Squad) in an entirely new light.

But wah wah wah, you didn't come here to read my ding-dong ramblings. You came here to watch me be the biggest loser to ever lose at losing and dissect a 30-second trailer on a weekend. You know how movie trailers stuff all the important bits about a movie into 30 seconds? This is the telly equivalent.

Below the break, I'm going to shred this trailer to pieces, scream, cry, and of course, analyze. Come join me, if you dare.

So I'm going to reiterate a point I made in the Seren's Studies essay for the gadget competition video in regards to Ozzie, in that he's wearing an outfit that looks like it belongs to some kind of Flight department. (And yes, my headcanon about there being a boat that can travel in the sky shall remain strong in spite of this trailer. Whether it will be shot down like a cannonball through a boat that can travel in the sky remains to be seen.)

But anyway. We have him carrying a box (transferring departments?), what looks to be some kind of agent in the back (Security?), and what looks to me like an old Nissan logo against a map (of the UK? yes, of the UK, duh). Off to a hell of a start here.

The trailer doesn't give us the name of this girl -- which is odd, considering she's one of the protagonists -- but just as a refresher: this is Orli, who is from the Canadian side of the Niagara Falls (because of course) and transfers to the UK precinct in order to help with rising oddness rates. My guess is that, while Ozzie transfers from departments, Orli will transfer from precincts. Essentially, she's there to help Americans like myself (and also children, and also parents) understand British terms and culture. Which is fine, because otherwise kids would understand jack about how the United Kingdom does things beyond what's represented in media.

And we have a look at our first villainess! This is The Trifler, named after a British dessert and armed with the power to turn things into...well yeah, trifles. If you've been keeping up with the news, then you're probably aware that a BTS photo of her was found last year when OSUK was getting off the ground. Now, we have her in an official capacity!

I will say that I love the wordplay used here. Combining the British and American definitions of the word "trifle" into a badass introductory phrase is absolutely beautiful and I want more of it.

Haha lol shot from the press release big funy now laugh.

...Wait, hold on, does that mean the image used for the press release was a BTS photo? Because this sure as hell isn't the same angle.

Oh my God.

Not my absolute dumb ass thinking the context of this scene was a welcome party for Orli, only for the celebration to be for a fucking movie opening that got the attention of local news outlets and Eric Stonestreet.

...Okay, the telephone box is great too, and if there's not another Doctor Who reference they can yote in there then we riot, but I- a fucking opening of a movie?

...

Hold on, I'm noticing the Odd Squad logo on the popcorn and the cup.

This is Odd Squad: The Movie opening in the UK, isn't it.

Ah yes. Because I sure would fuckin' love to relive the joy I had when the "Odd Beginnings" two-parter decided to make the movie an in-universe piece of media. Look, I me- you guys had to be there when I recorded the Seren Reacts video. I was taken aback. I nearly fell off the bed. I was tempted to go to the neighbors and sit on their picnic table and cry. And that was when the COVID pandemic was a new thing!

And now I get to experience the hell all over again, four years later, when the pandemic is (largely) over and I'm in my mid-20s.

Look, if they're keen on torturing me like this, then that's how you really know it's a return to form. All they need to do is drop the word "serendipity" somewhere in there and I'll launch myself off the cliff and into the water and hopefully not on a pointy rock.

Normally I'd say how happy I am to see the tubes again after they got one dedicated episode and a handful of appearances and mentions besides that in Season 3, but..."Down the Tubes" is one of my favorite episodes for sleep-talking Oswald alone. And in Season 3, my total count for favorite episodes I can count on only one hand.

Worth noting, though, that in addition to the UK Headquarters being located in an abandoned train station, the tubes are named after the London Underground. Because...y'know, the Tube, and...yeah, they couldn't pass that pun up because they need Britain money somehow.

See, this is how you can tell I'm an Odd Squad veteran.

I can, with about 90% accuracy, pinpoint the context of a scene only seen by few. For example, I can tell you that this is Orli fighting with a woman over tour bus tickets by playing RPS. Because fuck her American money, American money does not net you tour bus tickets to tour the UK and...uh...well, I don't know if Ozzie has any pounds to buy any.

Ah? Aaaaaaaaaahh? Man, I'm good!

Unless Oddmented Reality had some (and please don't ask me, I've never played it), we've now had flying books in every season bar Season 2.

Honestly, that's a sin.

If this means the return of cold opens, then bless them.

It's 12 episodes with 11-minute time limits, though, so I'm a little wary...but bless them. Season 3 had only a select few before they laughed and tossed the concept out, so this is a good return to form.

Also, this is hella good camera work.

I'm...at least inclined to believe this is Ozzie attempting to boost workplace morale by getting a few agents-in-training to cheer.

Which is great, but I'm just thinking of Olympia asking Otis how he feels about his cheerleading skills and and him telling her they're perfect. It works, because Ozzie kinda looks like Otis!

Hey, hey, you guys remember aaaaaaaall the way back in "Zero Effect" where they had that shot of the agents cheering?

You guys also remember the last episode of OddTube S1?

This is like a mishymashy of that and it is glorious.

Also, our first look at the girl who is, by every sense, part of the Flight department. And Onom, even though he got a mention in the gadget-making competition video.

A few folks were asking about this, so I feel the need to clarify that this is a thing in the Oddverse that has been done numerous times before, especially in the first two seasons. You don't wanna blow 10 seconds of airtime on having two agents find the nearest tube entrance, let 'em phase through the floor.

'Tis magic, baby.

I can also predict, with about 70% accuracy, how the OSUK premiere is gonna go.

...

It's gonna end with Ozzie being transferred/promoted/demoted to the Investigation department, isn't it.

Look, the franchise's timeline is a bitch and scares all the neuroscience people at Harvard Medical School, but I did this before with a simple Season 3 trailer and I got a fair bit of it right. When a few OSUK episode titles and synopses come out, then we'll see if I'm gonna reach for the stars or fall hard on my ass.

Okay, I'm inclined to take the logic applied to New York City and apply it here, in that it's too much money and effort and time to edit every piece of signage here into a Shmumber-fied equivalent...

But that's a fucking McDonald's ad up there near the top, and let's be honest, that's one of the most gobsmacking things about the whole damn trailer. We already have a Burger King replacement, so having a McShmumber's is absolutely not out of the question.

(Also, that meal deal is $5 USD. If you're an American, I don't need to explain why this makes me more irrationally angry than it should.)

Besides that, Orli, this is a one-way, two-lane (with possible merger) street, which can absolutely be seen in areas like this in the United States and I don't know why I'm bringing this up since agents cannot and have not been automotively inclined.

"No, that's not odd. It's Britain."

Dumb lil' American I am (who is, in fact, aware how British people drive), but I gave a visceral cough at this line. This is the kind of shit OSMU should have gotten, and failed to deliver.

That aside, though, Ozzie has a bit of a different icon on his shirt now. It's either the London Bridge or a black H, and I know Fergie would cry her eyes out looking at it, bless her soul.

"I'm blue! And if I were green I would die! If I were green I would die, if I were green I would die, if-"

Okay, okay, I had to get that out of the way. I'm sorry. I'm never sorry.

The smartwatches were also something seen in BTS photos back when OSUK was first announced to be a thing. Still running on that Apple technology and crushing creativity.

Perhaps the best sleep paralysis demon I've seen since Yui in the Precure All-Stars F movie.

All right, I'm starting to see the massive differences between this Headquarters and the Headquarters of yore. Keyholes, the blue thing meant to be a simpler copy of the metallic circle structure, the...I mean it do be fuckin' big...

Also, we got our first look at a moving breathing Chef O, who's on promotional material at the very least but isn't exactly a main character. Sort of like what Oksana was: a side character.

Hey, it could be worse. It could be a Ginormouse coming to eat you up for lunch.

(For the non-believers: this is the Oddverse. I'm not explaining shit.)

I see somewhere in the crew of this show we have a boomer who still believes in the usage of the digital camera in the year of our Lord 2024.

No, but seriously. It wasn't believable in 2014 when Otto owned one, and it's less believable now. I've been more frustrated about this than about the badge phones, because there's only so much ironic low-tech stuff I can take before I drop everything and leave.

I was gonna write a joke about how they used to feed cocaine to mice in the 80s for anti-drug PSAs, but someone apparently wrote it for me. Which, unsurprisingly, is not the first time that's happened.

That's on you for not being Odd Squad-savvy.

All of you.

Yes, even Captain O.

-------------------------------------

And that's it. A short trailer, but a hell of a goodie. I'm honestly hyped for this return to form, especially as we approach the franchise's 10th anniversary. Hopefully, the crew has at least learned from its mistakes with Odd Squad Mobile Unit, and will make the most out of these 12 episodes.

And because even this show isn't immune to the curse: if you like what you see here and want more episodes to come beyond the 12 we're getting, watch the ever-loving hell out of this show. Legally, of course. Boost its ratings. The crew is definitely up for making more.

...And donate to your local PBS station if you got a Lincoln or two lyin' around. That too.

Thanks for reading. If you want to view the trailer for yourself, you can do so here:

[celestie0]

Girl I was balls deep in my attempt to make fanart for u a couple months ago

Like I had the reference pictures collated and I sat my ass down and picked up an pencil with the intention of actually drawing something after ages

cause basically I became a lil sad cause I felt like I forgot to draw bc last year in school I took an external art subject and it didn’t occur to me that doing a hands on subject through distance study wasn’t the brightest idea

anyway that fucked me over and led to me dropping and taking up fucking legal studies 😭

Even though I’m a bit more STEM based I can still fw the wordy subjects but not this someone pls save me why am I being assessed on the bi cameral structure of parliament

saur yh I’m super lazy as is with anything so that situation just put me off drawing and art completely

congrats to me setting every world record for yip yapping and going off track

ummm yh for context it was like my 10th read through of the kickoff chapter 6 scene that compelled me to collate a bunch of reference pics that ranged from twitter smut comics to bathroom sinks and eventually I gave up because anatomy is a bitch

I changed into a dress with the same type of neckline I think reader was wearing bc of the way it tucks under her boobies and I was this close to just shamelessly positioning myself in front of the mirror to make my own references

then ofc I got distracted by a half baked portrait of Rose from titanic that I drew when I was like 15 and ended up drawing a two hour long remake of the same picture

only for my friend to tell me it looks like Mary Shelly’s ghost

Should I know who that is

To be fair it looked nothing like her but I mean it was an improvement from thinking all my ability just went poof and I drew better when I was 15

never the less I was somewhat disappointed with the product and I haven’t drawn since

wait I wanna show u actually lemme try

https://share.icloud.com/photos/0edTRG9Tb54pRh9Qe5unszRrg

the Mary Shelly in question

do these links work I’m scared I’m gonna accidentally leak personal details or my whole camera roll lol

also IM NOT AN ARTIST don’t judge me peeps I’m just a girl idek how to drive yet

I feel bad every time I send an ask I feel like I’m force feeding u Ellie babes u have the patience and commitment of a saint

also OMG IF YOU MADE ART FOR ANY OF MY FICS I’D SOB!!!!

I want to 😞🫶 but alas prospect of fanart from me will most likely never see the light of day

that crack scene in ihm was tempting tho everything u write is just so visual

♥️ mwah my gorgeous gorgeous writer wifey

hellooo my dear PLS the ramble of this ask is legendary and i found it very entertaining xD

ouuu the dress that reader wears in ch6 of kickoff is actually based on a dress that i own, here's some pictures of it!! i'm curious if the dress you have is similar!! but yea this is the official outfit reference hahah

looking at it now it's kind of a mild sweetheart neckline lol n yea def tucks under the boobs very nicely xd i was actually gonna sell it on depop a couple months ago when i did a closet cleanout but i was like nahhh i gotta keep it bc it inspired that scene

taking your OWN reference pictures sounds so badass. and its ok babe it's the thought that counts haha <3 i feel u about the losing passion/talent in art thooo aaa i used to draw too but ehh hobbies fizzle

ahh i can't see the cloud photos :(( but anywho thanks for the yap my dear!! i ate it up. also side note but i'm so glad my writing comes off visual to you!! i always worry there's not enough description in my scenes so that's reassuring to hear. much love!

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

What I think Violetta and Soy Luna character’s favorite animes are*

*I am only going from animes I myself have seen or are familiar with. I know for a fact that a LOT of animes were popular in Latam that logically the characters should have been familiar with and possibly would have fitted better as their favorite. However, there is a lot of animes I have seen/am familiar with that I know was popular in latam, too (Candy Candy especially). And the ones that weren’t popular there that I bring up… well, let’s just say it was just like with a lot of us, they found it later in life and was like ”omg where has this been all my life” and watched it on a pirate site.

Violetta: Hello! Sandybell. She got very inspired by Sandybell making a garden for her (supposedly) dead mother and she wanted to do it too. She also liked the way Sandybell traveled across Europe, the way she also did.

Luna: Sailor Moon. How can she not, it’s moon themed /j I also think Luna really saw herself in Usagi and appreciated there was a main character that was clumsy, often late, ditzy and didn’t get the best grades just like her, and how despite that still could kick ass and save the world.

Francesca: Lady Oscar. Ok this was kinda inspired by Lodo herself posting a photo with a Lady Oscar T-shirt, and some time later answering an ask about periods with ”think about Lady Oscar! She also had her period under all of those tight suits and armor, and she could still be a badass!”. It was also kinda inspired by me knowing just how fucking popular Lady Oscar was in Italy… but yeah I also feel like Fran was very fascinated with it.

Nina: Candy Candy. I think Nina most of all was fascinated with the history aspects, especially as they reached the WWI parts. But she also loved how Candy seemed to experience so much hardships, and yet still could keep going and be so strong. It felt very inspiring, especially as her parents were fighting in the background. Things will get better.

Camila: Oniisama e. She found this anime when she was a little older, and goes around bragging about how "no one knows about it except for her". She loved how basically every character was a lesbian (at least, they were in her head), and she called them cowards every time they "forced" them into hetero relationships. But she also just loved all the female friendships in general and got slightly annoyed whenever they focused on any boy.

Simón: I think also Sailor Moon, because I think he had a crush on Tuxedo Mask and him and Luna played that they were Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask a lot when they were kids. But, I think he also really liked Pokémon.

Naty: The Moomins anime. As she grew up in Spain, she got the castellano dub and got so surprised when she moved to Argentina and found out there was a latino dub they had there instead. Anyway, she really loved the whole atmosphere and vibes of the moomins and wished she could live in that utopia.

Ámbar: I think as a child she was only allowed to watch Candy Candy, as Sharon had seen it herself as a child and approved of it (I feel like Sharon had a list of pre-approved kids shows and movies Ámbar could watch), but then once she grew older she discovered Revolutionary Girl Utena. And she just fell in love with it. She has rewatched it so many times, always finding new ways to interpret the metaphors and allegories. She also has some deep emotions about and she didn't realize until much later why she felt so strongly about it...

Ludmila: Immediately I'm like... Starzinger... because it's a space adventure. I do not have much else to go from this lmao (because I have not at all properly watched the anime, just random swedubbed clips). However, it also feels like Ludmila's vibe.

Ramiro: He is a big Pokémon boy. I literally imagine him running around the school yard as a kid pretending to be James from Team Rocket. I can see him being into One Piece, too.

Leon: I don't know why, but Digimon. It just seems like his vibe idk.

Jim: Pretty Cure, the first show specifically. I think she always wanted a best friend she could be a magical girl with <3

Diego: Silver Fang. I know this anime was only popular and even translated in very few countries, but I believe Diego managed to find it somehow (maybe a fansubbed version on an old pirate site that no longer exists) and just thought it was the most edgy thing ever. But then he got super scared of bears for years due to it.

Yam: Oh, Revolutionary Girl Utena, but she also has made it her mission to watch every sapphic and sapphic-coded animes ever. She's also a big fan of underrated ones like Oniisama e. She has also specifically only watched season 3 and season 5 of Sailor Moon. So, I think she kind of really switches a favorite, but I believe RGU just hit her the most.

Andres: Hamtaro lmao. No more explanation.

Jazmin: I think Jazmin thought Totally Spies was an anime and no one ever corrected her that it's French-Canadian, so now that's always her answer when asked.

These are all the characters I could come up with something for x)

[viridian-artist]

Hiya!! for the s/i ask game!!!

🖋️ Pen, 🎆Fireworks, ☄️Comet, and 🎨 Palette!! For any canon you'd like!!

Hiiii!! Since I asked you about you, Jessie, and James, I'll be doing the same with myself and Guzma!! There will be a few spoilers tossed in here and there as I mainly go off of what happens in Ultra Sun as well as the anime.

This will be a bit of a long post::

🖋️ Pen: Say a fact about your lore or yourself/self-insert. It can be absolutely anything! Short or long-winded!

I wasn't actually raised in Alola! I moved there from Galar with the help of my mom once I turned 20. Hau introduced himself to me first and was the one who gifted me my Litten (now Torracat), who I named Lechuga ("lettuce" in Spanish), as a gift welcoming me to the region.

I was never too interested in going on my own Pokémon journey, even as a child, but Hau (and his mom, plus additional encouragement from Kahuna Hala) invited me to join him on his. He introduced me to Professor Kukui, who in turn introduced me to Lillie (and Nebby). While tagging along on his Pokémon journey, I also decided to help Lillie out with Nebby.

This all leads up to how I finally met Guzma. His grunts had told him about me helping Hau out with his journey...and maybe stretched the truth a bit here and there. Finding it completely stupid that some foreigner is helping out the kahuna's grandson and the professor's assistant, he just had to come down to Melemele to see what was actually going on. It was actually one morning when Hau and Lillie were out on Route 2 (Lillie was accompanying him so he would be out there alone) that I was getting malasadas in Hau'oli City with Lechuga.

While I waited outside the shop for my order to be ready, he sort of pulled me between the alleyway area between the malasada shop and the photo club (which is the start of a running bit where Guzma, and sometimes his grunts passing on a message for him, drags me away from any ongoing conversation or activity) to "talk". He mainly asked more questions and didn't give me much time to answer most of them.

🎆Fireworks: Do you/your self-insert have any powers or abilities? If so, what are they, and how do they manifest?

No, not really? Unless you count using Z-Moves, which I don't really like all that much considering that I don't really battle often enough to use it. Kahuna Hala gave me the bracelet needed to use Z-Crystals, though it was Kiawe that gave me a Firium Z following an incident before Hau was supposed to complete his trial that he had me help with.

☄️Comet: What was a moment where you/your self-insert really shined? This can be a badass moment, a moment where you felt important to the overall lore, or just a really cool and important moment!

When Lusamine, Lillie's mother tries getting close to her again. I could see that Lillie was uncomfortable with it and was trying to set boundaries that her mother was ignoring. It was when she tried taking Nebby away from her that I stepped in.

It reminded me a lot of my childhood (which ultimately led to me moving from Galar to Alola), and I wanted Lillie to know that when I said I promised to keep her and Hau safe, that I meant it.

Lusamine initially saw me standing up for her daughter as disrespect, but after some time, she grew to realize that I only ever had Lillie's best interests in mind. She eventually thanked me for looking after Lillie, and the two of us do establish a somewhat close bond similar to mother-daughter.

🌈Rainbow: What was the happiest moment in your lore for you/your self-insert? Who all shared that happiness with you in canon?

I think it would have to be when Lechuga evolved into Torracat (and again in the future when he eventually evolves into Incineroar). I was never interested in going on the whole Pokémon journey growing up. My Scorbunny I had back in Galar was given to a family member without my consent when my dad realized that I didn't plan on joining my friends on their journeys. I never got to see them evolve and missed out on that specific achievement.

So, while I didn't plan on going on a journey in Alola, I would still train Lechuga when I could. It was in a random field along Route 2 that he evolved into Torracat. Hau and Lillie were with me, and we collectively booked it for Kukui's place to show him. This was also a huge achievement because Lechuga, in particular, was considered smaller than other Littens. Kukui believed that even with me training him, it would take a longer time for him to be able to evolve.

[baerverteidiger]

My DJ Character in Beatmania IIDX.

In the United States, you can go into a "Round 1 Arcade" and purchase a Konami E-Amusement Card.

This "E-Amusement Card" is used to keep track of ALL of your "scores and data" when playing games like "Dance Dance Revolution" and "Beatmania IIDX."

When I use my "E-Amusement Card" on Beatmania IIDX EPOLIS... The game generates a currency called, "EPOS" that I accumulate every time I reach achievements or hit milestones.

As you accumulate EPOS in game... You can then spend the EPOS to unlock items for your "DJ Character."

Your hard earned EPOS can be spent on different things like... different hair styles, different outfits, different props to hold...

I've been playing Beatmania IIDX EPOLIS for a very short time, but I have accumulated a bit of EPOS...

I posted this photograph, because...

This is my fully optimized Character in Beatmania IIDX Epolis.

Out of all the customization pieces available...

These were the most desired things for me to obtain.

I must admit... The shuriken and kunai look... menacing....

But!!!

This option is an ABSOLUTE MUST HAVE ITEM!!!

Why? (You might ask...)

I am playing a badass mf'ing Japanese Arcade Game...

My mf'ing ninja better have some badass japanese weapons at his disposal! Ahahah!

Nah though...

I am playing a japanese game... I thought the shuriken and kunai were tight af.

You can buy all kinds of stuff with the EPOS... for girls they have dresses and outfits of all kinds! Gosh... I could see a girl really getting into optimizing their character buying all the different collectible items...

Truthfully... It's cool for men to customize their character too. They have a variety of different swords and staves (plural of staff.) They have silly items like mammoth meat (looks like a giant piece of meat on a bone.)

Anyway...

I decided to try and optimize my character as much as I wanted...

As of right now... I have obtained MOST of the items I want for my character.

-----------

Believe it or not... I have tried reaching out to Konami to see if they would add facial hair options so I could add them onto my character.

I even sent them a photo of myself if they wanted a customization option reference...

Anyway... who knows if the people at Konami will even care...

It was worth a shot...

----------

Anyway...

This is my character.

I got a chance to optimize him the way I wanted him.

DJ BAER..

( I made it onto the Beatmania IIDX Leaderboards this week.

I achieved a sightread AAA. Meaning...

I got a AAA on my very first try. Never seen or played the song before.

I got a "Star" for qualifying high enough.

Look up my name on the Weekly Ranked Song DAZZLE ATTACK on Beatmania IIDX EPOLIS.

DJ BAER..

------

The score on the Weekly Ranked song is my sightread score...

If someone was able to see my play count for this song... You'd see that I have only played the song once.

Imagine if I was sponsored and had a machine in the area to play on the regular. I could retry the weekly ranked song a couple of times a day and probably increase my score...

The cool thing is... I won't replay the score, because my score was a AAA sightread. I want that score in the records for good. :-)

Actually... There is a lot more to the story... but.. that's enough for now...

I just got back into playing Beatmania IIDX. Last REAL time of playing was back in 2006-2007... I dabbled here and there, but.. Last real time was forever ago...

I started to use Flickr as an image dump site for my gaming archive, but.. truthfully...

I don't trust their platform. Seems... unstable.

Anyway.. here's a link to see more of my recent IIDX Scores...

Remember.. I haven't played Beatmania IIDX MUCH since 2006-2007.... Over a decade ago...

Greener pastures..

[casspurrjoybell-28]

Alpha's Temptation - Chapter 24

*Warning Adult Content*

When I wake up to an empty bed, my heart drops, thinking I dreamt it all up.

I scramble out of the sheets, spotting a little note on the nightstand.

In a messy scrawl it reads: 'Had early morning call. See u later?' with a funny looking face scribbled next to it.

I find myself beaming as I pull out my phone to text Daemon, snapping a photo of the note and sending it to him.

Ash: You could have just texted me.

Almost immediately he starts typing in response.

Daemon: I could've. But I thought you'd like it, dork.

Ash: I do &lt;3

I add the heart to my message with relish, smiling to myself all the while.

I remember that today I go back to school, so I jump up to get ready.

Actually being able to sleep for once has worked wonders on me.

I have never slept so soundly, without a nightmare before.

Except for maybe when I was little.

But I can't remember.

I pull out a cute striped knit sweater and skinny jeans, humming to myself as I get ready.

School is the usual stare and whisper show as usual.

Except for this time, it's not about what Henry did to me, it's about what I did to his brother.

Is it bad that I don't feel sorry?

Maybe that makes me a bad person.

I don't know.

I meet up with the gang at lunch and Lylah is static to see me, throwing her arms around me.

I hug her back tightly, glad to be back.

I apologize for being distant during my suspension.

I lie and say Lucien took my phone, not wanting to tell the truth, which is that I was too depressed to even pick up the device.

"I'm just glad you're back and not expelled," Lylah exclaims.

"It's all because Jay vouched for me," I look to said Alpha, giving him a look of appreciation. "Thanks again for doing that, even though I didn't really deserve it after what I... did."

"Agreed. Or I would've done it myself," Lylah proclaims, putting a hand over her chest as if she were doing to a pledge.

"Really?" I was worried they might think less of me.

"Yeah. You're badass, Ash," Jay winks at me.

"T-thanks" I reply, flustered.

Surely he's exaggerating.

I don't think what I did was that epic.

And now Lylah is making all sorts of teasing faces at me that Jay can't see and I just shake my head at her.

"Anyway," she clasps her hands together. "I dropped Jay's jersey off at your house. You got it, right?"

"You don't have to keep it, Ash," Jay immediately cuts in. "Not if it reminds you of..."

"No, no," I assure him. "I'll keep it. In your honor."

Lylah looks pleased with herself, a mischievous look on her face as she looks from me to Jay.

"Okay and can we talk about how you called Ash gorgeous at the game? Hmmm? Hmmm?" Lylah jabs Jay playfully in the side and he flushes, hiding his face from us.

"And how about how much you whined about Ash being gone these past two weeks?" she continues until Jay is putting a hand over her mouth to stop her.

She gleefully tries to squirm out of his grip.

I just laugh at their antics and my cheeks are already so sore from all the smiling I've been doing.

Lylah sure knows how to rile people up.

It seems her new hobby is trying to embarrass Jay in front of me.

I turn to Wren, who's been awfully quiet the entire lunch.

"Hey, you okay?" I ask him worriedly.

"Yeah. I'm just fine," he says, his tone flat.

I decide not to push it because he does not look happy whatsoever.

I look to Lylah for help but she's busy whacking Jay with her water bottle as he holds her school books out of reach.

I wish I knew how to reach out, to show Wren I'm here for him.

But he just seems so unreceptive right now.

*********

Today is my 18th birthday.

October 10th.

The day I was born.

The day I regret the most.

Okay, that was a bit dramatic.

As I wake up to the smell of coffee pancakes from downstairs I decide maybe I don't regret it too much.

I check my phone and see a flood of happy birthday texts from my friends and smile to myself.

Not one from Daemon, though.

My smile drops, kind of disappointed.

I mean, it's been better between us.

Definitely.

Not the usual fighting.

And he's been there for me.

But it's like we're in two different worlds.

I'm still in school and he's out on missions for Lucien, dealing with truces and rivalry with other packs.

I don't want him to see me as some annoying kid, whining for him to come see me.

With a sigh, I roll out of bed, padding downstairs to see Lucien's set the table lavishly with pancakes topped with powdered sugar and strawberries, syrup, bacon, scrambled eggs and a steaming cup of coffee.

"How's the birthday boy? Hungry, I hope," he chuckles, pulling out a chair for me to sit.

"Lucien. This looks amazing," I say in awe as I sit down.

I nearly start to tear up.

No one's celebrated my birthday in years.

My stepfather didn't even know the date of my birthday.

"Thank you so much," I gratefully smile at him as he ruffles my hair.

"My pleasure, bud. Let me go get your present," he leaves the room for a quick second, coming back with a pink box.

"Oh, you didn't have to..."

"Open it," he encourages me.

So I do, pulling open the box and taking out a cropped dark gray hoodie from Forever 21 that I have literally been wanting forever.

"Omg. I... how did you know?"

Lucien looks bit sheepish, scratching the back of his head.

"I may have had to get a little help from your friends."

I immediately pull it on, seeing it fits perfectly.

I spin in a circle for Lucien and he chuckles.

"It fits perfect," I exclaim.I give him a big hug.

"Thank you. This is the best present ever."

"I'm glad you like it. I was scared I might have gotten the wrong size or something. Rose was always better in the shopping department."

We finish breakfast happily and when I'm done suddenly I hear a car honk outside.

I run out to the porch to see Lylah, Wren and Jay all in her car together.

"Get in here cutie. We're taking you out," Lylah yells from the driver's seat.

"You guys..." I put a hand over my mouth in pleasant surprise.

I quickly rush upstairs to get my stuff and get ready, wearing my new hoodie and some black flare jeans.

My midriff is out so I'm a bit self-conscious but I decide that I should show off what I got.

Not that I have much... I quickly turn away from my mirror before I convince myself I look morphed and inhuman.

Which is what usually happens if I stare too long because my self perception and image are so distorted.

But today is a good day.

I can't let my low self-esteem ruin it.

I grab my phone and then head back downstairs.

"Have fun with your friends," Lucien sees me off and I tell him I will before eagerly rushing outside.

The first stop is thrifting because Lylah's absolutely obsessed with it and wants to set me up with some 'vintage' fits.

So she makes me try on all these crazy outfits while we take silly pictures together.

Jay sits on the designated 'boyfriend bench' as Lylah calls it, next to the fitting room as we do so, chatting with Wren about some rare Nike sneakers he's considering getting.

Wren is all smiles, pushing his hair behind his ear and laughing at all of Jay's jokes.

Awe, they look so cute together.

When we're finished, I only end up getting one pair of brown corduroy pants because Lylah insists on buying them for me since it's my birthday and I don't want to make her pay too much.

By that time it's early afternoon so Lylah says our next stop is the mall and that they have another surprise in store for me.

When we arrive at the small boutique I'm a bit confused and Lylah ushers me to a little booth in the corner of the store.

"So you know how you've been wanting to get your ears pierced? We thought you should do it today."

"Really? But isn't it expensive?" I ask worriedly.

"Not at all. I know the shop owner and she even gave me a discount. Consider it my gift to you," Wren assures me.

"Awe... That's so thoughtful of you," I hug him affectionately.

Then he helps me pick out some cute faux diamond earrings, ensuring I get the right size and material.

I look over as Lylah holds up some thick giant gold hoops to Jay's ear.

"He could totally rock these, couldn't he?" she asks us.

"Those look like they would tear my earlobes in half," Jay covers his ears protectively, moving away from her as we all laugh.

The process of getting my ears pierced is quick and nearly painless and after it's done I can't stop admiring the little jewel studs in my ears.

"I love them," I tell Wren and he grins bashfully.

I show Lylah and Jay excitedly.

"Material gwirl... what are you gonna get pierced next?" she asks, taking photos of me from every angle possible.

"Next? I just got these, silly."

"So that's a no to nipple piercings?" she raises her eyebrow and I gape at her, quickly looking around to make sure the employee didn't hear.

"Lylah," I whisper-yell at her.

"What? Y'all don't think Ash should get his nips pierced?" she looks to the other two.

Jay coughs abruptly, looking down to avoid the question.

Wren rolls his eyes.

"They don't do that here, weirdo."

"I wasn't serious."

Leaving them to their argument, Jay looks down at me, pushing my hair behind my ear for a better view of the earrings.

"It suits you," he says, a fond look in his eyes.

Lylah turns away from her quarrel with Wren, squealing as she starts snapping more photos of us and I wonder how she hasn't run out of storage space by now.

We hang around the mall for a bit longer until we're all hungry and we go to dinner.

Jay buys for us as my 'present' even though it's a serious battle to get past me and do that because I feel so bad about them paying for everything.

But Jay grabs the bill away from me, insisting and I eventually give in because he says he really wants to do this for me.

By the time we're done, I can't physically eat anymore so we don't order dessert.

They apologize for not being able to get me a cake and I say it's completely fine.

I mean I already had sweets this morning.

And I don't mind not following tradition.

I didn't even really know about how to celebrate birthdays until today.

And to be honest, the entire day has been so great that I find myself questioning if I deserve all this. 

Then they drop me off at home and I thank them all for the wonderful time, telling them how much I love them.

I can't suppress the joy I feel, my heart is so full.

Even taking my medication at the scheduled time doesn't feel like a chore.

I look on my phone, hoping to see a text from Daemon but there's still nothing.

I mean it's not like I was expecting anything.

It's just a random day for him, not special just because it's my birthday.

So I put my phone down, telling myself to stop getting my hopes up and go take a shower.

When I get out I decide I'll watch something before bed.

As I'm about to turn a show on, I hear my phone ding with a message.

I dive for it, lighting up when I see the contact name on the screen.

Daemon: Come outside.

I waste no time pulling on some shoes and rushing downstairs, my heart nearly pounding out of my chest.

I can't believe he came.

If I wasn't happy before I'm nearly floating by now.

I open the front door to see him standing on the porch steps, adorned in a leather jacket and that familiar feeling of butterflies explodes in my stomach again.

It's obvious he's been out most of the day, his hair kind of messy but how does he still look so handsome?

It's making me so nervous.

"You came," I say.

"I didn't forget," he gives me a small smirk, pulling something out of his pocket.

A golden chain dangles from his hand.

"I uh, didn't have time to wrap it but... I made this for you," he says, almost sounding shy as he hands me it.

I take the necklace in my hands, spotting a little charm that hangs from it.

Upon closer observation, I see it's in the shape of the moon with ornate designs carved into it.

"You made this?"

I'm in awe, already feeling myself getting emotional.

He hand-crafted this for me?

'Me?'

"It's not much, I know. But I had some spare gold alloy and I thought you'd..."

By that time I'm already tearing up, letting out a little sniffle as I wipe my eyes.

Daemon's brow creases in worry.

"Do you not like it?" he asks, his expression falling.

"No, no, I love it," I clutch it to my heart. "It's perfect."

At that, a smile of relief breaks out on his face.

"Put it on for me?" I ask.

So he does, leaning in close and clasping it around my neck.

I breathe in shakily, trying to calm down.

I just can't believe he did this for me.

And I want to show him how much it means to me.

He's a step below me on the porch, so it evens out our height difference a little, though he's still taller.

"This is so sweet, Daemon," I tentatively reach out and pull him into a hug. "Thank you,"

"You're welcome, Omega," he replies teasingly, his arms wrapping around me.

I don't want to end this embrace.

I just want to stay like this forever.

And... I want Daemon to know that.

So I take a little risk. I lean in, giving him a little kiss on the cheek.

When I pull back, he's frozen, a blank look of shock on his face.

"B-bye Daemon," I stutter, starting to head back inside when he grabs my arm to stop me.

"Wait."

I look to him questioningly, wondering why but he doesn't say anything.

"I-I have to get back inside or Lucien will..."

"Right, uh..." Daemon's throat bobs and he looks a bit flustered, "Happy birthday, Ash."

"T-Thanks. And I'm gonna wear this every day. I'll treasure it. I promise."

I tell him as I rush back inside, too nervous to be around him any longer after what I just did.

[multifandomimagines]

Let Me Show You - A Theo Raeken Imagine

Characters: Theo Raeken x Reader

Word Count: 3469

Summary: Reader is feeling stressed and insecure, so Theo wants to be there for her and make her feel perfect.

Warnings: Smut (female-receiving oral and vaginal), insecurity, mentions of IED

Written by: Josie

A/N: Keep reading after the cut 👀

Disclaimer: GIF isn’t ours - credit to who it belongs to

Y/N sighed as the puffy red eyes of her reflection stared back at her through the mirror. This week had been… different. Every little thing had been going wrong, and each day brought more and more emotion, stress and insecurity. Her under-eyes were dark with exhaustion and her smile wasn’t as bright as it usually was - that is, when it showed itself anyway.

She didn’t even hear when her bedroom door opened and closed softly, didn’t register the light footsteps across her carpet moving toward her; not until the eyes of her boyfriend met hers in the mirror, round with concern. Seeing him so suddenly would usually have elicited a wide grin from Y/N, and she would jump into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. Yet, in the state she was in, his arrival made her feel as if she could finally let it all out. Her emotions overwhelmed her like a tidal wave, and her eyes prickled with tears.

“Theo,” she whispered, her voice cracking, and hurriedly turned around to bury her head in his neck. Almost like a reflex, Theo held her tightly to his chest as she cried, his hand rubbing up and down her trembling back. He slowly walked them backward until his legs hit the edge of her bed, and pulled her shaking body onto his lap.

“Shh, baby,” Theo hushed her sobs tenderly. “It’s okay.” Her head had made its way back to his neck, Y/N couldn’t even look up at him. He wouldn’t show it, because he had to be strong for her, but seeing his girl like this broke him to pieces inside. She was the only person who saw the good in him when everyone else tossed him aside as either a failure or a villain. Either way, he was a lost cause in the eyes of most people. Everyone really… well, everyone except her. Out of all of the people Theo had met in his life, he knew Y/N deserved to be happy more than anyone. She deserved to be cared for, celebrated, loved. As someone who dragged him out of his darkest places, Theo wanted nothing more than to help her out of hers.

Y/N sniffled, and slowly lifted her head from Theo’s shoulder, her eyes staring downward and avoiding the gaze of her boyfriend. She knew it hurt him to see her like this and she wished she could just… stop.

“Hey,” she heard him say. “Look at me Y/N.” His voice was rich with worry for the girl he loved, and she flinched at the thought of causing him grief. It was quick, but Theo saw it, and his heart snapped once again. Slowly, he raised his hand to her cheek, running his thumb along her cheekbone softly, collecting the tears that were slowly drying on her face. She subtly leaned into his touch without even realising she did it, it was like her body moved off it’s own accord, drawn to him. Gently, Theo moved his hand to Y/N’s chin and turned her head to face him.

For the first time since he’d arrived, Y/N finally let Theo see the pain in her eyes. They were glossy and slightly bloodshot, and Theo’s gaze softened at the sight of her vulnerability. “What’s wrong?” He asked a simply question, not wanting to overwhelm her.

“Everything,” she breathed. Theo’s fingers ran themselves through her hair, encouraging her to keep going. Initially she wanted to shrug him off and succumb to her feelings again, but she let him comfort her. “I’m just feeling everything all at once. Theo, I can’t-“

“It’s okay baby, it’s okay,” He held her cheeks delicately, scared to break her fragile form. “Breathe with me.”

It was something Theo had learned over the months. Sometimes Y/N really needed to calm down and just breathe slowly, in and out, exhaling the intensity of her feelings as much as her brain would allow. Though she hadn’t admitted it, Y/N realised that the method worked better when Theo led her through it.

After a minute or so of long, deep breaths, Y/N was no longer jolting with the ghosts of sobs from earlier. Theo continued to hold her close, remaining gentle but tight enough to always remind her that he was there for her. No matter what.

“This week has been so bad,” She began, and Theo stayed silent, realising that she was finally feeling comfortable enough to talk. He felt a small surge of pride flow through him at this, knowing that it was hard for her at times. “I’m stressed. I still have so much work to do, and deadlines are creeping up on me like a freakin’ predator. I’m worried for my brother, he’s struggling with his IED and he’s even been taking his meds, but they keep needing to up the dose and it kills me to see him in the state he gets. I keep screwing up too, like earlier I kept stalling the car, and I broke a photo frame yesterday morning, and I forgot to submit an assignment for grading at the beginning of the week. And I can’t sleep at night… Theo, I’m so tired.”

“Hey, come here,” Theo whispered, pulling her into another hug. “Okay, first of all, you are so smart and every time you get stressed about an assessment, you always go and smash it, don’t you?”

A smile threatened to pull at her lips at his confidence in her, and she nodded.

“Right,” Theo grinned. “Next thing, Liam is resilient, just like you. He won’t let one little setback get him down, and his meds will be sorted before you know it. Plus, he’s lucky to have you as a sister, you know that? You’re always there for him, everyone sees it.”

Y/N shifted on Theo’s lap, looking into his eyes as he spoke. “And,” He continued. “Everyone has weeks where they feel like they mess everything up, even super cool badasses like me.” Y/N giggled, spurring Theo on. “Someone as perfect as you doesn’t need to worry about a few little mistakes. They’re nothing, okay? Not important.” His hand moved soothingly up and down her arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake. “Is that everything?”

“Um, yeah…” Y/N trailed off quietly, suddenly avoiding her boyfriend’s eyes and sinking into herself. Theo knew her so well at this point that not a single subtle movement would go unnoticed, so he raised his eyebrows at her response. He knew she was holding back, and she knew that he knew. Sighing, Y/N gave in a little. “It’s stupid.”

“What have I always told you?” He said, smiling at her. “You can tell me anything. Anything at all. I’ll be there for you no matter what. You know that, don’t you?”

Y/N nodded and breathed in, slightly shakily. “I feel ugly, Theo.”

“What?” Theo whispered in disbelief, his eyes the size of saucers. He didn’t know what he’d expected, but it wasn’t that. “Baby-“

“I told you it was stupid-“

“No, it’s not that, it’s just-“ Theo searched for the words in his brain. He never thought he’d have to convince the most beautiful girl in the world that that’s what she was. He thought it was just common knowledge, really. “You and ‘ugly’ would never even fit in the same category. Not even in the same universe.”

“That’s just not true though,” Y/N stated, shaking her head, her eyes tired. “I can’t even look in the mirror at the moment. I feel like when I look, I’m not looking back at me. And it makes me cry. I’d rather not see myself at all than to look at that reflection.”

If Theo’s heart wasn’t broken before, the damage was definitely done now. Hearing Y/N, his girl, say that she wasn’t pretty, but ugly, made him feel all kinds of lost and confused, but more so sad, because he wished he could take away her pain and make it all disappear. Unfortunately, his powers of pain transference only worked on physical pain, and he silently cursed that fact.

“How can you not see what I see…” He whispered, almost more to himself than to her. “You know, the first time I saw you Y/N, even from a distance I knew I’d never see anyone as beautiful as you. And now I’m looking at you, months later, and I still think you’re just as stunning. You are gorgeous. You hear me? The most gorgeous ever.” Theo placed kisses on her nose, her cheeks, her forehead as he spoke, causing Y/N’s heart to flutter. His words stirred something in her, and the intensity of his eyes boring into hers made her forget about everything she was worried about. A wave of adoration for her boyfriend washed over her, and she cupped his cheeks delicately, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

Y/N didn’t have the words at that moment, all the emotion was caught in her throat, so she did what she felt conveyed her feelings best. She leaned forward and kissed him, Theo’s lips moving against hers immediately, as if by instinct. It was so soft, so pure, light as a feather. She pulled away from him all too soon, their eyes meeting each other once again, but Theo didn’t feel like stopping. “I want to show you how beautiful you really are,” He spoke lowly, holding her hand and giving a gentle squeeze. “Please baby. Let me show you.”

He didn’t have to explicitly say what he really meant by that for both of them to know, and his request sent warm shivers through her body. She spoke only one word: “Okay.”

Theo connected their lips again, harder this time. Even with just a kiss, he wanted to pour every ounce of love he had for her in it. He would make sure that he made her feel exactly how she deserves to feel. Her hands had moved to the back of his neck, plucking at the hairs on his head, while Theo held her as close as their bodies would allow.

His fingers slid up her t-shirt slightly, brushing the skin underneath. Theo’s fingers were so cold that Y/N gasped against his lips, so her boyfriend took the chance to slip his tongue into her mouth and explore. Slowly, he lifted her shirt up further and further until they were forced to pull away so Theo could tug it over her head and toss it on her bedroom floor.

Of course, Theo wanted to marvel her brilliance as best he could, so he gripped her by the waist and moved her carefully so she was laying flat on her bed, looking up at him. “So beautiful,” he murmured, and waisted no time in resuming their kiss. His hands travelled down her sides as their lips moved in sync like a perfectly choreographed dance, and his hips ground into hers - gently still, yet hard enough to give Y/N friction where she needed it the most.

He dragged his lips to her neck, sucking and biting on the skin to create dark marks to decorate her already perfect body. Theo considered it his finishing touch to her, as he knew she needed him as much as he needed her, which was what made them so perfect. Y/N’s hands roamed his back, one leg secured over his hip to keep him close, and Theo reached around to unclip her bra. His eyes widened - he would never get used to seeing her body like this, and she wasn’t even fully exposed to him yet.

“I love these so much,” He said, lowering his head to one breast and closing his mouth over her nipple, his tongue sliding across her sensitive skin. Y/N moaned as he simultaneously kneaded her other breast with his hand. “I love this one,” He said, moving away from the one he was playing with. “And I love this one.” Theo reattached his lips to her other breast, her rapidly increasing breaths spurring him on.

Y/N’s hips involuntarily bucked up at Theo’s, and he chuckled lightly against her skin at the movement. He trailed his lips back up to her collarbone, her neck, her jaw, all while dragging her leggings and her panties down her legs as far as he could. He pulled away from Y/N’s lips to crawl down the bed until he could completely reveal her entire body. Her leggings and panties discarded on the floor, Theo looked his girl in the eyes as he placed his hands on her thighs and lightly encouraged her legs apart.

Shivering with anticipation, Y/N watched her boyfriend wide-eyed as he licked one long stripe up her centre. Her eyelids fluttered, but she couldn’t bring herself to break the intense eye contact she held with Theo, until he began to flick his tongue against her clit. Her head fell back onto her pillow, arms flying down to grab onto Theo’s hair, feeling his head moving between her legs. She moaned as he licked and sucked at her clit, doing everything in his power to make her feel good, and it was music to his ears. He soon replaced his tongue with his fingers, rubbing her clit quickly, and started licking along her core, like it was his whole life’s purpose to do so.

“Fuck, Theo,” She whimpered, and Theo groaned against her at the sound of her saying his name in such a situation. Her voice held so much vulnerability yet so much excitement, so much feeling, so much love. The vibrations against her core sent waves of pleasure racing through her, and Theo watched through his eyelashes as her back arched off the bed.

Theo removed his mouth from her core, and her head whipped up briefly at the loss of contact, her eyes wide and pleading for something, anything. Barely moment after, Theo pushed two fingers inside her, pumping them at a quick pace. Y/N moaned louder, and Theo pulled himself up so his head was level with hers, staring directly into her eyes as his fingers worked their magic. “How good does this feel Princess?”

“So good,” Y/N breathed, barely being able to find it in herself to speak. She gripped onto his biceps as he continued his work between her legs, moaning with every thrust of his fingers. “It feels amazing.”

Theo smirked slightly, content that he was getting exactly the reaction from her that he set out to get, and leaned down to capture her lips with his once again. He added another finger and picked up the pace of his actions, his mouth drowning her voice as she cried out. He kissed her hard, drawing the breath out of her almost completely, and she could taste herself on his tongue which only brought her closer to the edge.

Feeling her walls clench around his fingers, Theo moved his lips around to her ear. “Are you gonna cum?” He said, his voice rough with his own arousal. He knew the answer, but he also knew that Y/N loved to hear his voice, and it somehow turned her on even more. All she could do at this point was nod frantically, her moans and whimpers making it impossible to get the words out. Theo sped up his actions even further, trying with everything he had to send her over the edge. “Cum for me baby.”

The words uttered into her ear sent her into ecstasy, and she let go screaming Theo’s name. He watched with his mouth hung open as her body pulsed and jolted as her orgasm washed over her in waves, her cries slowing into whimpers and her contorted face relaxing into one of sheer bliss.

A few moments later when Y/N had caught her breath, she reached down and palmed Theo’s bulge through his joggers, eyes widening when she realised how hard he already was. He groaned, dropping his head to her shoulder and tensing at her touch. “N- no, baby,” He stuttered out, voice rough from the feeling. Y/N was confused as he slowly moved her hand away, tilting her head to the side in a silent question. “Tonight is about you.”

Usually she would protest and say that they both need to be pleasured equally, but she wanted him so badly that she didn’t have it in her to argue. Frantically, she yanked his head down and smashed her lips against his, tongue and teeth clashing in desperation. All she wanted was him, and she didn’t want to wait any longer.

She pulled his shirt up his body, almost ripping the fabric with her speed, and he pulled away so she could pull it over his head. She loved to admire Theo’s toned chest and stomach, so she reached her hand down to feel up his abs. She tried to look, but Theo was adamant on her being the one who was worshipped, so he dipped his head and began sucking on her neck once again, causing her head to fall back and a moan to fall from her lips.

As he painted her neck with purple bruises, Y/N reached down and played with the waistband of his joggers, fiddling with the drawstrings. Theo felt her fingers brush him and growled against her neck, hurriedly standing up to yank them and his boxers to the ground, completely exposed before her.

Y/N whimpered at the sight of him, naked and ready for her, and he crawled back over her just as quickly as he’d stood up. Theo looked at her with dark eyes, wordlessly asking for permission to treat her to just what she deserved. “Please, Theo,” She whispered, and of course, Theo didn’t want to deny her anything she wanted, especially when she asked so nicely.

The two of them moaned in harmony, jaws dropped open, as Theo pushed himself inside her, easily sliding in due to her wetness. He moved all the way in until he felt like he was inside Y/N’s stomach, pausing there as they both breathed heavily from the sensation. “Feeling better?” Theo spoke thinly, smiling at his girlfriend’s expression of pure pleasure.

“Miles better,” She replied, thrusting her hips up at Theo, making it known that she wanted more. The chimera began to move, pushing in and out of her at an ever-increasing pace, making sure she felt every single inch of him to give her the best sex possible. Y/N hands roamed his back, nails scratching at it and breaking the skin as she moaned and cursed into his ear.

“Always so tight and wet for me,” Theo groaned, his hair falling messily over his forehead as he moved. “So perfect. Every inch of you is perfect.” He sped up his movements, making sure to hit the spot that gets her screaming, and grabbed at her breast with one hand and delicately stroking her cheek with the other. “I love you.”

Theo was going so deep and fast now, Y/N was so close. Her nails dug into his back as her release approached, unable to tear her eyes away from his as they glowed yellow from the adrenaline. “I love you too,” She spoke shakily, so nearly there, when Theo kissed her hard, knowing she was reaching her orgasm from her clenching walls.

“Now,” He spoke against her lips, and as soon as the word had left his lips, Y/N screamed out Theo’s name at the most euphoric feeling she had ever experienced, shaking and quivering around him. Moments later, as she was still feeling the high, she felt Theo slow his movements as he spilled into her, his own release washing through him like a tidal wave.

After coming down from their high, Theo flopped down next to her in bed, immediately pulling her close to rest her head on his chest, which was still rising and falling. He kissed her head lightly, stroking her hair affectionately, and then pulled the covers over their bodies. He knew Y/N was exhausted, not just from their activities but from her whole week. Her breathing had slowed and he realised she had already fallen into a relaxed slumber.

Theo smiled to himself - seeing his girl finally calm with no stress lines pulling at her face made his heart soar. He hated seeing her so upset, in fact it was his least favourite thing to see in the world, so he vowed to always be the one to lift her back up again.

Theo would always be there for her: rain or shine, any day, any time. And one day it’ll be ‘til death do them part. His smile lingered on his lips as he let his own eyelids closed and he joined her in her slumber, meeting her in her dream.

[goldentournesol]

Not in That Way

*gif not mine, found on Giphy*

(Spencer Reid x fem!Reader)

The one where Spencer’s TA falls in love with him.

Length: 3.3k

A/N: VAGUE SPOILERS FOR S15 AHEAD! AGE GAP (10 years). Read at your own risk everybody, very angsty. NO PART TWO’S WILL BE WRITTEN. enjoy :)

masterlist

It wasn’t hard, really. It wasn’t hard at all to fall in love with Spencer Reid. In fact, it was the easiest thing she’d ever done. It came so easily that it shook her to the core.

Really, what’s not to love? He is a badass FBI agent with a heart of gold, he can literally recite almost any book to her on demand, and it certainly doesn’t hurt that he looks like he’s been sculpted by a coveted artist.

She didn’t know though, she didn’t know how easy it would be to be completely enamored by someone. She didn’t know what kind of life she’d be stepping into when she’d applied to become his Teaching Assistant. She’d heard from her peers that there was a part-time professor who had been looking for a TA. She signed up without a second thought, desperate for any kind of connections that could possibly help her with her PhD in forensic psychology. When she’d learned that he was a certified genius whose other job was to be a real life superhero, she hoped and prayed he’d pick her application.

She was over the moon when she found out that he did indeed pick her out of all the students who had applied. This was an opportunity of a lifetime. She’d seen his university ID photo on the website and thought he was attractive, but seeing him in person was almost magical. The camera definitely could not quite pick up on the subtle gold flecks in his irises or the silky sheen of his hair. And that smile. She was sure she could drown in it forever.

After being chosen and going through a number of interviews, Y/N learned just how meticulous Dr. Reid was in everything he did. She helped him create the syllabus as well as build his lesson plans. Over the semester, she would go over his grading since he had the tendency to give students the answers instead of making helpful comments on the papers to make them think and reflect. She’d also learned about his particular aversion to technology, which meant they had multiple meet-ups when he was in town just so she can walk him through certain systems, like the university’s portal system as well as the email. She also showed him how to pose his answers as questions instead, explaining that sometimes, he shouldn’t answer their incomplete thoughts because it's an undergrad class. Also, with his unpredictable schedule concerning the FBI, she would often step in and teach his class whenever he was away on a case.

They’d become good friends outside of his office and classroom, probably closer than they should have been. He was just too likeable and she was always eager enough to hear what he had to say, thus a bond between them was born and reinforced each time they saw each other. He was so thoughtful, it shocked her. Once he’d heard her mention that she used to love collecting keychains when she was a child, and made sure to get her a new one from each state he’d visit thanks to his trips around the country. Her previous boyfriends were beyond disappointing in comparison to say the least, and they weren’t even dating. He knew her favorite coffee order by heart and often had it ready with a fresh croissant whenever they met at the university’s coffee shop and if they were meeting at his office, he’d take them to go. 

It was little things like that that made her fall in love with him. And she knew, it’s not like she didn’t, she just chose to hide it with every cell of her being. Crushing on your professor is pretty common amongst university students, but being a TA and being desperately in love with your professor was a whole different kind of story. 

She already admired his intelligence in class immensely, however hearing his stories from his time out in the field made her heart grow three times the size of normal. His stories ranged from being about geographical profiling, to action-packed anecdotes, and even funny moments with the team.

Was she constantly impressed by him? Yes.

Was she constantly worried about him? Also yes.

Which is why she’d practically made him adopt the habit of texting or calling her every time he landed in DC. They’d been chasing this unsub, Lynch, for months on end and he’d informed her that they were finally close to getting him. The last time they talked two days ago, he was feeling confident. But then it was just silence. He hadn’t texted her, he hadn’t called her. She didn’t even know if he was back in DC. Her mind took her places she didn’t want to go. He’d gotten so good with keeping her updated that this silence was turning her blood into ice water.

She’d left 11 missed calls so far. But she didn’t give up, she was determined to hear from him. The next morning she tried again, holding her breath and squeezing her eyes shut in a silent prayer.

“Hello?” Someone finally picked up, a woman.

“Hello? Who is this? I’m trying to reach Spencer Reid.” Y/N said into the phone, voice clearly on the edge of tears.

“Oh you must be Y/N Y/L/N. You’re Spencer’s TA. I’m Penelope Garcia, I work with Spencer.” She said into the phone evenly, calmly.

“Yes, I am. Did something happen to Spencer? He hasn’t contacted me in two days. Why do you have his phone?” Y/N worried into the phone. She could hear every heartbeat, loud and clear.

“Spencer is in the hospital. There was an explosion yesterday and he hit his head really hard. We found him passed out in his apartment this morning.” Penelope answered. Y/N’s eyes widened and she felt the tears slip from her eyes quickly. The panic began to set in.

“C-could you please text me the address?” Y/N managed to whisper into the phone through her tears.

“Of course, sweetie. He’s going to be okay. His mother is here, I’m assuming you know about Diana?” She asked tenderly.

“Yes, yes, I know. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Y/N said, already rushing to put on shoes and looking for her keys.

The drive to the hospital wasn’t long, but Y/N felt like it took ages to get there anyway. Her breathing was uneven and her eyes were already swollen as if she’d been crying for days. There was a bad, bad feeling reverberating around in her chest. She’d somehow floated through the hospital like she was running on autopilot. 

She’d found the room and met eyes with a blonde woman adorning two identical blue puffs in her hair. She would have thought they were adorable if she wasn’t panicking her heart out. She spotted Spencer laying on the hospital bed with oxygen tubes hanging around his ears and inserted into his nose. The sight made her stomach lurch. Something about the way his usually pink lips were drained of their color made her want to sob until tomorrow came. Beside the bed on the other side sat Diana Reid, a tall woman with short blonde hair. She’d seen her in photos before. Diana merely stared at her with a hint of a smile.

She stepped in the hospital room, swallowing down the bile in her throat, “H-Hi, I’m Y/N.” She waved tentatively into the room, almost unable to keep with the tensity of the two women’s gazes. She wiped at her eyes and stood at the foot of Spencer’s bed, “Is he going to be okay?” She asked, staring at the steady rise and fall of Spencer’s chest. That way it was reassuring to watch him. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears as she stood.

“The doctors are hopeful.” Penelope replied, assessing the young woman who just entered. She was much younger than she previously thought she was. Although she had no idea what to expect when it came to Spencer’s academic life, he was always surprising her.

Diana sat still and silent in the hospital chair, a pensive expression draped across her features. Penelope sensed a tension in the room and looked towards Diana, “Hey, Diana, would you like to come with me down to the cafeteria to fetch some jello for Spencer to eat when he wakes up?”

Y/N sent Penelope a sidelong glance filled with gratitude. She tuned out the sounds of Diana telling Penelope the story of the first time Spencer had jello as they exited the small room. She immediately pulled up the chair closest to his bed and grasped his hand tightly. She let out a shaky breath at the contact. Cold, his hand was so, so cold.

“Oh, Spencer, you scared the shit out of me.” She whispered, pressing her lips to the back of his hand quickly, “I could have lost you today...and-and I wouldn’t have known what to do with myself if that would have happened. I know you probably can’t hear me, but I still have to say what I’m going to say. I have to. For myself. So here goes,” she pauses, taking a deep breath, “there’s nothing that scares me more than losing you, and that thought alone terrifies me.” She sniffled, wiping away her tears, “What I feel for you terrifies me, Spencer. I didn’t know I was capable of loving someone so deeply until I met you. And...I don’t know what to do with all this love, I want to hand it all to you, let you see yourself the way I see you, but I can’t do that. I can’t.” She held back an incoming sob, whispering, “I can’t ask that of you.” 

She bowed her head and rested it along his forearm, her silent tears soaking through the hospital sheets. The fear of grieving for him outweighed the fear of rejection. She’d never forgive herself if he died without knowing how big of a space he occupied in her heart. She didn’t know if she was brave enough to tell him to his face while he was awake, but this was a start. Solidifying her feelings was a start. And man, were they solid.

A few minutes later, her phone began to ring because of an endless stream of emails. There was a class today, and she’d have to teach it. She went back and forth from her phone to Spencer’s face and released a deep, heavy sigh from the pit of her chest. She stood from her seat and hovered her hand over his cheek before allowing it to rest timidly on his skin.

“I have to go, but I’ll see you soon.” She paused, chewing on her lip, “I love you.” She said softly, fresh tears making their way back to the brim of her eyes. She pulled away from him and exited the room swiftly. 

Spencer’s bleary eyes opened slightly to just barely catch the sight of her disappearing into the hallway from which she came. Seconds later, Penelope and his mother came marching in, seeing his open eyes.

Penelope set down the cups of jello nearby and Diana made her way to her son quickly. He could barely keep his eyes open for long enough. It was a small achievement but they both held onto it dearly. 

Hours later, he blinked his eyes open again as he heard his mother and Penelope conversing about his favorite type of cloud. Diana leaned over her son’s bed and set a comforting hand on his shoulder. He stared at her fondly.

“Am I alive or is this heaven?” He asked, smiling slightly.

“You are very much alive.” Diana smiled broadly at him.

Garcia had since gone back to the office to assist the team in finally closing the Lynch case. Spencer was just waking up from yet another snooze. 

Diana looked at him closely, sometimes he felt she was the profiler in the room, “She told you didn’t she?”

Spencer rubbed at his eyes slightly, “Who are you talking about?” He yawned.

“The pretty girl who was in here earlier.” Y/N’s name had slipped her mind the second she said it. Spencer stared at his mother incredulously, shocked at just how clear her mind was at the moment. Diana took his silence as an affirmative and nodded at him.

“You should tell her.” She said definitively. For a moment, he doubted if he understood just what she meant, but he understood.

“How did you know?” Spencer asked curiously.

“I told you, a mother always knows. And I saw the way she looked at you. She deserves to know, Spencer.” Diana said.

She deserves to know.

The thought tumbled around in his head for days after he was discharged from the hospital. He was on medical leave for the moment but as soon as he could see straight, he took the train to her apartment. He’d been there a few times, they’d had a few casual dinners there while grading papers together or coming up with future lesson plans. His hands were on the verge of trembling as he knocked on her apartment door. The numbers nailed on the door mocked him as he stood waiting for her to open.

She frowned at the sound, she wasn’t expecting anybody. She pushed her laptop to the side and stood to straighten her pajamas, making her way to the door. She ripped it open as soon as she saw who it was.

“Spencer! Oh thank goodness you’re okay! I’ve been worried sick about you.” She threw her arms around his middle tightly, making him stagger a bit from the impact, but he enveloped her in his arms anyway. The contact was very welcome.

“Hey.” He smiled into the hug, his heart spilling with gratitude over being worthy enough of her attention. They separated from the embrace and she stared at him with a look resembling wonder.

“What are you doing here? I thought you still had a few more days off until you had to get back to work. Come in, come in.” She moved aside to let him in. She also moved a plethora of blankets and textbooks off the couch to make space for him to sit.

“I know, I’m sorry for kind of coming over unannounced. I didn’t mean to intrude or anything.” He eyed her matching set of cartoon character pajamas as he took a seat, making a mental note that it was the most adorable thing he’s ever seen. She blushed under his gaze but shook her head nonetheless.

“Oh come on, you know you’re always welcome here. Can I get you something to drink? Some water or coffee, maybe?” She asked.

“Water’s fine.” He smiled, leaning back into the couch. She nodded and made her way into the kitchen. Spencer’s shoulders untensed for a moment and he hadn’t realized that he’d been carrying so much of his worries in them around her. She came back with the water and took a seat next to him, angling her body to face him. He muttered a thank you as he sipped from it, unsure how to approach the situation.

“I wanted to thank you. For coming to the hospital to see me. That meant a lot.” He met her eyes and saw a flash of panic dance across her irises. How did he know she was there? Penelope probably told him, right? He couldn’t have heard her.

“Of course, Spencer. It’s the least I could do.” She smiled sweetly. His heart cleaved in his chest as he stared at the sweet girl in front of him. 

What did he ever do to deserve her friendship? 

He fidgeted with the glass in his hands, a silence beginning to drape over them.

“Is everything okay?” She asked, noticing his fidgeting. 

He took a deep breath and set the glass down on the coffee table in front of them. He turned his body to face her and reached for her soft hands. Her breath hitched at the intimate contact, butterflies erupting in the pit of her abdomen.

“You are a remarkable person, Y/N. I’m so lucky to have you in my life. I see the absolute worst that humanity has to offer on a daily basis, but you have made it your mission to make my life easier. And you do, honestly, I wouldn’t know what to do without you.” He said with soft eyes and a half-laugh. She smiled back, she could practically feel the rush from his words directly in her brain.

“And it is an honor to be loved by you,” his voice hesitated to say the word, his eyes darkening with regret as he continued. Realization snapped into place for her as he said, “but I can’t give you what you need.”

He had heard her. He knew.

Her blood ran cold as she tore her hands away from his, as if the skin on his hands had the ability to burn her. He frowned as he watched her frantic eyes search his for any semblance of dishonesty. Her throat closed up over all the words that fought to surface. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came up. Instead, tears sprung to the corners of her eyes.

“What?” She whispered, brokenhearted and momentarily in disbelief.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” He tried to console her but she was past the point of consolation. 

“I-I understand.” She nodded painfully, tears cascading down her face before she even got the chance to wipe them away, “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have said anything, it’s completely unprofessional.” She swallowed an incoming sob as best as she could.

“No, I’m glad you told me, but if I’m being honest, I knew long before it. This isn’t about professionality, I don’t care about that. But I care about you, a lot.” Spencer said softly, staring at the young woman in front of him. She shook her head, utterly devastated and doing her best to shield herself from his gaze. Thoughts escaped her as her heart took a deep-dive to settle in her abdomen.

“And I thought I should let you know how I feel. I love you, Y/N,” he paused, “just not in that way.” The soft voice he used was completely useless against the harshness of the words. 

She tried, she tried her absolute hardest to suppress the incoming sob, but those words just about broke the dam. She rubbed at her eyes, nodding. He tried to set a comforting hand on her shoulder but decided against it. She took a deep breath and stood up from the couch. 

That was enough humiliation for the day.

“No, no, I completely understand.” She said, voice wobbly and eyes ringed with red. He frowned up at her at the sight of her being so upset. 

“Will you be okay?” He asked as he stood up from his seat. She laughed slightly, this man had devastated her, broken her heart with a few simple words and still wondered if she’d be okay. That’s Spencer Reid for you. The question made her heart ache and long for him more. His simplicity and good intentions made her question why the world wasn’t kind enough to let her have him.

“No, I won’t. And I probably won’t be okay for a long time. Because I will keep meeting men and keep comparing them to you so, until I stop doing that, no, I won’t be okay, Spencer.” She answered with a surprisingly stable voice. He frowned and nodded.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, stepping forward to cup her cheek and gently use his thumb to wipe the remainder of her tears. Her glassy eyes bored right into his, her lips wobbling at the contact. She then closed her eyes and leaned her cheek into his palm, soaking in his warmth one last time before he tore himself away from her completely and showed himself out of the apartment without looking back.

That was when she allowed herself to fall apart. He heard her heart wrenching cries from behind the door and hesitated, but decided to walk away anyway with a chest heavy with regret.

She will never be enough for him, she thought.

He will never be enough for her, he thought.

[funkymbtifiction]

Some real talk on Fi: a submission

 I’ve noticed a Fi-bias on the internet. It tends to glamorise Fi as this lofty, Wonder Woman function that somehow epitomises all that’s principled and good. I just read a PersonalityCafe thread listing the flaws of Fi and Fe. While Fe got blasted as manipulative, mindlessly conformist, and even psychopathic at worst, Fi got an easy pass with stuff like ‘refuses to go along just to keep the peace’ ‘cannot lie’ ‘cannot be persuaded to compromise its ideals’ etc. I laughed because these were clearly flattering ‘cute flaw’ descriptions. Like when a job interviewer asks you, ‘What’s your greatest weakness?’ and you say, ‘I work too hard!’ Cute flaw. Your interviewer will roll their eyes because your words will come off as self-flattery in the guise of critique. Saying that the flaw of Fi is ‘I won’t conform to stupid things! I’m too idealistic and principled!’ is not real talk.

Real talk is actual, hurtful, ugly flaws that make you go ‘Well, shit.’

As an INFP, I know what high Fi is like at its worst. It’s not cute. Let me share a story.

Last summer, my mum was diagnosed with cancer. All my friends were kind. But I felt a great gulf from my fellow high Fi-users because…none of them had gone through bereavement or family illness themselves. They could offer empathy or care on the surface, but I could always sense the gulf when they spoke. It was ‘I’m sorry to hear that’ and ‘I hope she gets better soon’ but - a patently obvious void within, an absence of deeper feeling. Fe users get a lot of crap for being ‘fake’, but have you ever heard a Fi mouth a platitude about something when they cannot relate their own experience or their own selves back to it?

Oh, they were kind, but their high Fi pulled them inextricably into their own inner universe. They were certainly willing to help, but ultimately their inner world was drenched with them (who am I? what am I here for? Me, mine, my). I know that inner radio - I have it myself. It blares away all the darn time! When I talked to them, I always walked away feeling more alone. Oh, of course they were sympathetic, but on a more fundamental level, their world was self-preoccupied (‘my musings, my ideals, my identity’). My grief felt lonely and cold after being in their presence. Some of the more tactless ones couldn’t help but explicate how my words fed their own inner world (‘This makes me think of my relationship with my family’/‘That makes me think of my mortality’).

It hurt like hell.

Told ya this story wasn’t pretty. This isn’t about the ‘cute flaws’ Fi usually basks in on the internet.

Let’s talk Fe. A common internet myth (one which walks hand in hand with Fi’s badass edgelord image) is that Fe’s just a people-pleaser, a PR manager, a nosy teacher, the function-equivalent of a mom elbowing her kids to say hello to the guests. Right?

Nah. Fe can be blazing warmth. Fe can be heartfelt. Fe can be passionate compassion. My isolation only lifted when I met a healthy Fe-user, Margo. Margo cared about my mom because – she just did. She didn’t need to know what it was like to experience her own mom ill. She didn’t need to have met my mom. Margo didn’t need to tie my experience back to who Margo was or what Margo stood for – heck, it wasn’t about Margo at all. She just sat on my bed and asked me questions about the colour of my mom’s eyes and where my mom went to school and gosh-where-did-your-mom-get-her-grit-from and something magical happened:

I felt warm.

I felt warm because I looked into that girl’s eyes and I could feel the care emanating from her. Over the next six months, Margo called me to ask how surgery appointments went; she looked through album photos with me; she texted me memes she said reminded her of my mom. And nah, Margo wasn’t an Enneagram 2. She just cared.

Now, Fi users can do all of these things. But what was different about Margo’s healthy Fe is that on a fundamental level, she had the capacity to care deeply about something and someone that she had never had any personal experience with. And her feelings did not centre herself or her life. It was about my mom.

It was the most comforting thing I could have received.

Now, this is not a Fi vs Fe post (for heaven’s sake, I’m a badge-carrying INFP myself). It is an attempt to go beyond the usual caricatures of independent warrior vs tyrant manipulator when we talk of Fi and Fe. To my fellow high Fi-users: not all our flaws are cute. Sure, we’re allowed to say we’re fierce free spirits; we’re allowed to say we refuse to compromise. Just remember to include stuff that doesn’t make us sound like the Justice League. We have flaws that are not cute and not glamorous and actually pretty unpleasant and hurtful for others. We may make things all about ourselves when someone else is suffering. We may not have room for someone else’s pain. We may project our own experience on someone else rather than making space for them. We may not make someone feel truly seen and heard. We may hurt someone through our self-absorption.

We are amazing, but sometimes….we need to learn to get ourselves out of the way.

[lord-rosenth0rne]

"Right. Well. I guess with the Vampire!Reader fic out and being worked on, I should give a little insight on the type of vampire we are dealing with:"

"Tried posting this like three times..."

(Artwork by @siro-cyll)

There are several types of vampirism in our world. The reader has an uncommon, albeit a rarer, form of vampirism. Like mine, they have kept their humanity and are not an intentional danger to humans. No, I do not know how we are made or who gets to keep humanity and who doesn't. Half of the time, vampires such as myself, won't know we've been turned unless told outright or we notice that bursting into flames in the sun or on holy/hollowed ground and a craving for human refreshment is not normal human behavior. I just know other vampires tend to not like it and will likely attack us on sight. (There is a form that pretends to be humane, but they're just huge dicks and want to wipe out humanity. Don't get us mixed up or it'll be the last thing you'll do.)

I am a pacifist, therefore the reader is a pacifist. Some may believe it is a form of cowardice but I disagree. A true pacifist can destroy their adversaries in a blink of an eye but chooses peace until it is not an option. Don't let this calm demeanor fool you. I'd crush you with one fist if I wished. At this point, it's "fuck around and find out" for those around the reader.

Vampire eyes can be a variety of colors, like human eyes. Only much cooler and more vibrant. And they can glow. Where I have gold, the reader has silver. They do look pretty badass in the dark.

We DON'T necessarily need a coffin, but it's the only thing we know since no one has really done extensive research on this type of vampirism. Most of what I am telling you comes from over a century of my own research and we just follow what the majority does to make sure we stay safe. A dark, cool place does the exact same thing. But we do need it when we cross large bodies of water. River and lakes, not so much. We can cross those just fine. Also, a good place to hide if weak cuz, honestly, what normal human will go looking through coffins? Just... make sure you're not pursued by hunters when you do this.

However, we do share some traits with the majority. We CAN burst into flames in direct sunlight. Here's a picture of me doing exactly that:

(Don't worry, the mortals I used to bunk with back in GF got it covered. Also, who took these photos? Oh, yeah. That's a thing too...)

We do show up in photos, videos, and modern mirrors. If the mirror is backed with silver, we won't show up. The others don't show up in any form of media or mirror and can be ten times dangerous because of it.

We can only be out during the day if we met a certain intake of blood. Unless you're out there sucking everyone dry every day for a week, it's going to take a while to reach that level. That sounded wrong, holy crap...

Actually, if you don't have a lot of blood in your system, you can kiss superhuman strength, speed, and hearing goodbye. The indestructibility and hypnotism stay if you can believe it. No, I don't know what can kill my type. A stake only immobilizes us and just pisses us off in general. And even if I did know, would I honestly tell you?

Blood, however, HAS to be fresh. I have been offered cold donated blood but it's not the same. It's dead blood. That's for you guys with your transplants and whatnot. Not for vampires. If you were to offer me blood, it has to come from your body at that moment or within the past like, I don't know, ten minutes for anything to work.

Unlike the majority, we can eat normal human food without issues but it does nothing for us. *shrugs* I still down coffee like no one's business though. Tastes good...

We take what we need, not what we want. If we took what we wanted, we wouldn't be in one place for very long. The world is not full of people like those found in Gravity Falls. Someone's going to notice something and raise the alarm. Gone are the days when a vampire can live in plain sight on a hilltop in a lavish gothic mansion and still slaughter hundreds of people. I was born in the wrong era dammit, sounds awesome.

Full disclaimer: I have no idea how to change someone into a vampire but it is not "Bite them a couple of times and BOOM" or "Drain the body of all its blood" (Accidentally tried that. The person stayed dead. 0/10 Ded bodi, do not recommend.) I literally just woke up like this. It took me, what? Six months before I realized what I was? It wasn't fun. They used to make me go to church. How do you think that looked? Walked in and burst into flames? What do you think happened during Ash Wednesday? My forehead burned like a motherf- I don't even know the idiot who thought it was a good idea to make me, of all people, a vampire. So... I might have to wing it if we change someone. Maybe something a bit more... intimate, maybe? Heh >//w//>

Look, it's been like, a hundred and fifty - wait, when was Gravity Falls founded... *counts on fingers*- roughly a hundred and seventy-five years and I'm still figuring this stuff out. Damn, I'm old...

Well, that's all I can really think of for now. If you have any questions, the ask box is opened. Might even throw some headcanons up for how the Madrigal family would/will react to a vampiric guest. Until next time! ((Send it to @the-enchanted-archiver, not here))

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

By My Side (Part 2)

Summary: Jensen and the reader grow more tense with each other at the cabin but a revelation leads to a change in more than just location...

Masterlist

Pairing: Bodyguard!Jensen x reader

Word Count: 4,300ish

Warnings: language, mention of underage drinking/accidental death, angst

A/N: Enjoy!

_________

Twenty Hours Later

“Welcome home,” said Jensen, climbing out of his SUV the same time as you. You raised an eyebrow as you looked at the cabin in front of you. “You gonna carry your shit or what? Bodyguard, not your butler.”

“When you said cabin, I thought-”

“I told you. We’re off the grid. Most off the grid people don’t have quartz countertops and crown molding in their homes,” he said. “This is as good as I could get last second.”

“As long as it’s clean,” you said. He laughed and you stared back at him. “What?”

“Okay princess. There ain’t no cleaning service out here. You want something cleaned in there, you do it yourself,” he said. He slung a duffel bag over his shoulder and tossed one at you, nearly knocking you to the ground. “I’ll even let you pick which room you want.”

“Might take the kidnapping at this point,” you said, sighing as you followed him across the dirt yard. “We drove back in here for like an hour.”

“Hour and a half actually. Nobody’s finding us,” he said. He grabbed a key from under the rock by the door and undid the lock, swinging the door open wide. “Home sweet home.”

You followed him inside and cocked your head.

“Okay, this place is a lot nicer than I was expecting.”

“I guess I’ll take that as a compliment,” he said, tossing a bag back towards a hall. You set your bag down on the kitchen table, narrowing your eyes at a picture on the wall. There was a little boy with a fishing pole and a pair of familiar green eyes staring back. 

“Is this your cabin?” you asked, nodding to the photo.

“It’s in the family. Dad let me have it when I got out of the service,” he said. “I needed some alone time to decompress a bit. It’s safe. Trust me.”

“You were a cute kid. Too bad you’re sort of an asshole now,” you said.

“You were an asshole first,” he said with a shrug.

“I’m not a fan of some stranger coming into my life and telling me how to live it,” you said.

“I’m not telling you how to live your life, Y/N. That’s not my job. Keeping you safe is,” he said. “There’s two bedrooms. We have to share a bathroom.”

“Alright,” you said, Jensen pushing open a few solid wood doors. One was furnished a bit plainly and had a queen size bed, the other a set of bunkbeds and a full bed shoved against the wall. 

“Take it,” he said, nodding towards the larger room.

“You’re bigger than me,” you said.

“Yeah, well that’s true but you’re also paying me. Take the bigger bed. The couch is a pullout anyways. Go on,” he said. You sighed and set your bag down on the bench, Jensen tossing his bag in the other room. “I need to go into town and finish getting supplies. Before I do that, we need to go over a few ground rules.”

“Of course we do,” you said, plopping back on the bed and watching a cloud of dust appear in the air.

“There’s a first aid kit in the cabinet over the fridge. There’s an emergency satellite phone there also that is to only be used in a real emergency. Washer and dryer we use once a week. There’s a solar panel on the back of the cabin that’ll help save us gas. We’re going to try and limit needing to use the generator more than we need to. There’s not much in the way of hot water. There’s a lake nearby and a few trails you can walk around but they’re probably overgrown at this point. Unless you’re in danger, never leave the premises. If you need something that’s not here or on the list, tell me now. I want to limit trips to town to once a month if possible.”

“Cleaning supplies,” you said as you sat up. “This place is dusty.”

“Alright. I’ll be back in about four hours,” he said, turning to leave. “There’s a shotgun in the gun safe. Key is in the nightstand drawer. Try to keep out of trouble.”

He didn’t look back as he left, the door opening and shutting, the sound of an engine turning on and slowly back away.

“Well. Might as well try to make this place more livable in the meantime.”

Four Hours Later

“Hey. I’m back,” said Jensen. You lifted your head up from the couch, Jensen flipping on the light switch. “You don’t have to sit in the dark.”

“You said to save the generator.”

“During the day. It’s after eight,” he said. He made a few trips in and out before he finally locked the door after himself. His nose twitched and he glanced over at you. “It doesn’t smell as musty in here.”

“A wet towel works when you don’t have a swiffer,” you said.

“I grabbed fast food,” he said, setting a bag down on the table. “Eat up. Last take out for a while.”

“I was thinking while you were gone,” you said, Jensen putting things away while you took out a burger and a box of fries.

“I bet that was difficult,” he mumbled.

“You know I’m not gonna stay here if you’re gonna be an ass.”

“I frankly don’t give two fucks. I’m here for money. You want to go do this job back home, that’s fine with me,” he said.

“Well fuck you,” you said. You got up and went outside, not getting too far from the cabin before it was pitch black. You stopped by the end of the truck, staring at the darkness you knew was the dirt trail that would eventually get you to the main road.

“Don’t be an idiot,” said Jensen as he stepped outside.

“Why do you care? I already paid you,” you said. “You know what? Why don’t you just go and leave me here by myself. That way you don’t have to hang out with the dumbass actress.”

“I never said you were a dumbass.”

“You literally said that thinking was difficult for me not two minutes ago. Maybe I don’t know every little thing about whatever the fuck badass shit you learned in murder school but I am not the helpless bimbo you think I am.”

“Do not trivialize taking a life. You have no idea what it does to you.”

“I know a thing or two. Don’t assume you know a thing about me.”

“I had a full background worked up on you. You never-”

“The summer I was a camp counselor? You remember reading about that in your little background check? Another counselor drowned at camp that year. I know a thing or two.”

“Drowning is not the same as-”

“You have no clue what I’m capable of.”

“What? You saying you did it?” he asked, crossing his arms at you. 

“It was an accident. It could have happened to any single one of us,” you said. “Don’t use that whiny little bitch excuse for being a hardass. People die and sometimes it’s your fault. It doesn’t give you a free for all to be an ass.”

“An accident isn’t the same thing,” he said. He walked over and narrowed his eyes. “Inside. Now.”

“No. I should have followed my first instinct and fired you,” you said. You spun back around, barely getting a step in as strong arms wrapped around you and lifted you off the ground. “Hey! Put me down!”

“You’re a freaking idiot,” he said as he carried your squirming self back inside. He set you down at the table, shoving your shoulder when you tried to get up. “Eat and go to bed.”

“I’m not-”

“Do you have any idea why I’m a hardass? Why that might be? If I give a shit about you, I can’t do my job because then I’m going to worry. I’m going to worry about how you’re feeling and I don’t have time for that. You had a scare, fine. I calmed you down. Out here, you have to suck it up and deal on your own. I will keep you safe but we’re not friends. We’re a boss and employee and that’s it. Eat your damn dinner and go to sleep.”

He grabbed the bag with the remainder of the food and went into the other bedroom, slamming the door behind him. 

“Dick,” you said quietly. Ten minutes later you were changed into your pajamas and crawled under the blankets, staring out the dark window. “I just wanna go home.”

You didn’t speak when you made your way into the kitchen the next morning. Jensen was sat at the table with some rugged looking laptop and a cup of coffee. It probably worked off a satellite if you had to guess. You poured a cup from the pot for yourself before heading outside with it. You walked over to the dock on the small pond nearby, staring out at the calm water as you sipped on the warm liquid.

“You didn’t kill anyone you know,” you heard behind you. You didn’t turn but did hear one of the boards creak. “Being unable to save a guy who shouldn’t have been out there in the first place doesn’t make you a murderer.”

“I was on lifeguard duty that day,” you said.

“Yeah. That day. You weren’t at work when it happened. No body made that guy go underage drinking and swimming in the middle of the night. In a thunderstorm.”

“We were all drinking. No one was paying attention to the storm. It was the first and last time I’ve ever been drunk.”

“It wasn’t your fault. It was no one’s,” he said.

“I know. You think I should get over it,” you said, wrapping your arms around yourself in the cool air.

“I was going to say, it wasn’t your fault but I get feeling responsible for things that aren’t your responsibility.”

“I guess,” you said. “You find out who this person is yet?”

“No. I’m going to be spending most of my time working at that. Don’t go too far from the cabin, alright?” he said. He began to walk away and you turned your head, looking him up and down.

“I thought you didn’t want me going outside,” you said.

“Not alone at night, no. You can’t see your surroundings. During the day, stay within eye sight of the cabin and I think it’s acceptable for you to be on your own a bit.”

“Jensen,” you said. He turned and looked at you, waiting for you. “If I pay you more will you at least try to be a little nicer like you were just now?”

“Listen to what I say and I’ll be the nicest guy in the world,” he said, heading back to the cabin. “You want breakfast, make your own.”

“Good chat, Jensen,” you said, shaking your head at him. 

When you’d finished with your coffee you popped inside to put on some clothes better suited for outside. He gave you a quick glance before you slipped on some sneakers and had a hand on the door.

“Ah ah,” he said. The chair scratched against the floor and next thing you knew, he was right there, reaching into his back pocket. He held up a small little thing and pushed a button, flipping a blade out. “Switch blade. From now on, this doesn’t leave your side ever. I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night and you’re taking a piss. It goes with you.”

“Keep it with me. Understood,” you said. He put it in your palm and nodded.

“Open it.” You flipped it open and stared at him. “Where would you use it?”

“Maybe I’ll stab the guy in the dick. How’s that sound?” you asked. He smiled a little and looked away.

“Not a bad choice. Vulnerable points if you have time to think. Aim low. Up here, rib cage will try to do its job. It may hurt but not incapacitate. Down low, you got better odds. All else fails, just try to stab something.”

“I got it,” you said, slipping it into your pocket. He took hold of your arm as you started to leave and you groaned. “What now?”

“The keys to the truck are under the rock by the corner of the house. The flat one. If you have to get out of here for some reason and I can’t take you, you take yourself and don’t think twice,” he said.

“I understand,” you said. 

“Well...enjoy your day,” he said. He dropped your arm and went back to his computer. You headed outside and started to explore before he could come up with even more rules for you to follow.

Four Hours Later

You were stood on the edge of the shore, trying to teach yourself to skip rocks on the water when you heard a rustling behind you. Your head shot back over your shoulder, Jensen wearing a strange smirk on his face.

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

“You’re not very good at that,” he said, picking up a flatter rock. “You need to flick your wrist more.”

“You know how to do everything, don’t you.”

“I spent more than a few summers here. Not a whole lot to do,” he said. “Got it all the way out to the catskills over there once.”

“You’re not worried about my lack of rock skipping skills,” you said. He shook his head and shot a rock out, getting a few skips off before he stood by your side. “I can take it. What’d you find out?”

“How often do you read in detail the contracts your manager gives you?” he asked.

“For my shows, word for word. Appearances, I skim sometimes. Why?”

“You sign anything with Boom stunt services lately?” he asked.

“I signed some insurance thing I think, so I could do a few stunts on the show,” you said. Jensen nodded and crossed his arms. “What?”

“Your manager lied to you. He thought you were getting stuck in a rut with your show, your wildly successful show, so he hired a stunt man, one you signed off on and agreed to fake kidnap you. Even the drugging part of it. To help your image. Make you appear strong but vulnerable. You actually got a lot of offers recently for good movies after what’s happened.”

“My manager…” you trailed off, balling your hands up. You stormed back towards the cabin, Jensen on your heels. “I’m gonna fucking kill him! What the fuck is wrong with him!”

“Technically, you did sign a document saying you understood the arrangement,” said Jensen. “But obviously not. Based on what I’ve found and saw happening before, there’s no credible threat against you. My suggestion would be a lawyer at this point.”

“Can you take me home now please, Jensen,” you said, squeezing your eyes shut.

“I’ll load up the truck. We’ll be back tonight.”

Later That Night

“Y/N,” said Jensen as you wandered straight over to your liquor cabinet when you got home. “He’s quitting and paying a substantial amount for you to not press charges as well as covering all of your moving costs and my pay. You don’t have anyone after you. I know it doesn’t feel like it but consider it a win.”

“I moved out of a house I loved that I can’t go back to, I’m far away from my friends, the one person in this industry I’m supposed to trust hurt me and this has been nothing but a complete waste of your time. I’m sorry, Jensen,” you said as you poured yourself a double.

“You didn’t waste my time,” he said as you sat on the counter, knocking back the liquor. He walked into the kitchen and took the bottle by your side, pouring himself a glass. He sipped his slowly, your head ducking down. “I would like to stay on as your bodyguard if you’ll allow it.”

“For what?” you asked. 

“Protection for you, same as before. This time though, I’ll make sure to keep you safe from the people you trust,” he said. You raised your head, Jensen licking his lips. “Managers, agents, anyone. The only person I will trust is you. You let me be the asshole bodyguard, scrutinize the people you work with. This never has to happen again.”

“Why would you do that? You don’t like me,” you said. He finished off his glass and set it aside, stepping right in front of you and staring you in the eye.

“I don’t recall saying that.”

“We aren’t friends. We’re a boss and employee. Your words,” you said.

“I still don’t hear the words I don’t like you in there,” he said.

“I can’t trust you to take care of me, protect me, if I think you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“You have a funny way of showing it.”

“I told you. It’s very difficult to do my job if I care about you,” he said. “But the situation has changed. The threat is smaller. Safer. I can be friendlier...if you don’t question when I ask you to do something. My job is to protect you. You have to trust that all I am ever trying to do is keep you out of harm’s way. If we can agree to that, we can find a good rhythm, one where you don’t even notice I’m there and one where I know you’re okay. The threat before might not have been real but it exposed a problem. As long as you are living alone, you need someone here, just in case.”

“We will negotiate a new contract, one I can end anytime I so choose, and will detail when and when not you are on the clock.”

“Negotiating with you will be fun,” he said with a smirk. “We have a deal?”

“Do you really think I need a full time bodyguard?”

“We can negotiate that,” he said.

“I’m serious.”

“I think powerful, pretty, single women should use the advantages available to them to protect themselves.”

“We’ll talk about it,” you said. He smiled and headed for his bedroom, your gaze following him as he walked out of view. “Jensen.”

“Yeah?” he said, popping back into view.

“We’ll figure out your new contract in the morning,” you said.

“Yes mam,” he said. “If you need anything else, you know where to find me.”

“Goodnight,” you said. He left and you lightly swung your feet, staring down at the hardwood floor. You hopped down and put the bottle back in the cabinet, taking a deep breath. 

Nothing was wrong. Nothing at all. 

But something still felt strange. You couldn’t put your finger on it. Maybe Jensen sensed it and that’s why he wanted to stay. But he wasn’t shy about coming out and telling you how it was. 

You sighed and went to the freezer, taking out a pint of mint ice cream and heading upstairs to bed, hoping a night of sleep at home would put it out of your mind.

“No way,” you said as you sat back in your chair in your home office the following morning. Jensen was smirking from the other side of the desk and was leaned back in his own, your lawyer sat at the small sofa with his laptop and typing up what the two of you were going back and forth on. “When I am filming and appearances we agree on.”

“We already agreed on those. Now we’re negotiating the parts we don’t agree on.”

“I do not need a bodyguard on the weekends. I already compromised on the you being on at night thing,” you said.

“Well, I’m going to be living in that bedroom so-”

“Actually, you’re not,” you said. He raised an eyebrow and you sat up straighter. “I decided last night that seeing as how I don’t particularly like this house and Jared and Gen just moved, I’ll be moving closer to my friends. I saw a home last night with a small guest house in the back that would be perfect for you.”

“I might as well be living in a different home at that point. It-”

“It is connected to the main home. I thought you might appreciate your own space and to be frank-”

“You don’t look like a frank,” he said. You smiled a bit, Jensen’s grin growing.

“If we’re going to have a long term relationship, which considering the possible trajectory of my career this might very well be, I’m going to have to insist on you having a separate space for yourself. You will of course have full access to the main house at all times but if I have friends over or a date, I would like my privacy. I’m sure you would like your own,” you said.

“If we’re going to have a long term relationship, any of your friends or a potential boyfriend are going to have to learn to live with me being around. No exceptions. I will give you privacy but I will be staying in the main house. As for you moving closer to friends, I welcome it. They’re my friends too after all.”

“Let me pose a hypothetical question to you. Say I meet a guy, we date, he moves in with me. Are you going to continue to live in the main house?” you asked.

“That will depend on the circumstances of your life at that point but if he’s living with you, I would move into a guest house or suite,” he said. “I may possibly move to my own place entirely. As I said, it’s going to be highly dependent on your life at that time.”

“I can agree to that. But your bedroom in the main house will have some space from mine,” you said.

“Understood. I will keep my own personal excursions out of the home,” he said.

“Good,” you said. “Now back to the weekend thing.”

“I’ll compromise with you. I am off duty on the weekend but I reserve the right to protect you if I feel you’re in danger,” he said. “I will keep to a small area of the house on my off days for your privacy.”

“I appreciate that but I won’t enforce it if you choose to watch some TV in the family room. You being off duty on the weekends does mean that if I go out, you are following though,” you said.

“Compromise. If you go out and I want to go, I can but I don’t have to,” he said. “I can use my discretion.”

“What if I want to go out with my friends?”

“Go out with your friends. I may or may not come. I’ll stay away, let you enjoy your fun without me interrupting unless I see a threat. Deal?”

“Alright,” you said. “But I reserve the right to fire you on the spot for anything and I mean anything. Two weeks pay if I do.”

“Okay,” he said. You were surprised at how quickly he accepted that but he seemed indifferent. “It sounds like we have most everything settled.”

“Rob, can you send us both a copy of the contract for review then and-”

“Oh, I have something else,” said Jensen. “A little...requirement of mine.”

“We already discussed pay and benefits.”

“Those are fine. I’ve found in the past we don’t get along when you don’t listen to me. As part of our working relationship, you will take a self-defense course chosen by myself and you will learn the different things that if you do, will make your life safer and minimize the need for me. They are for both our benefits. One’s a short book and the other a two hour class. Is that acceptable?”

“Yes. Rob, write up our contract for us please,” you said. He said he’d have it by the end of the day and you slumped back in your seat, Jensen staring at you. “What?”

“Want to go pick out a house?” he asked.

“What?”

“You want to move. It’s Sunday. Open houses.”

“Rob’s already put in an offer on the place I mentioned,” you said.

“Oh. You don’t even want to see it?” he asked.

“The pictures seemed nice. I’ll renovate what I don’t like. I’m not moving again after this,” you said.

“Oh. Cool. I will pack up most of my things in the meantime,” he said as he stood up.

“It’s Sunday. You’re not at work right now. Do whatever you want, Jensen,” you said.

“New contract isn’t effective yet,” he said. “Besides, knowing you we’ll be in the new place in a week. Might as well be prepared.”

_______

A/N: Read Part 3 here!

[vanillann]

real or not real? (natasha romanoff x reader)

a/n: this is based off the hunger games because i just finished reading the books!! also a little badass woman fic because of international woman’s day!! love all woman, I MEAN ALL WOMAN!!

word count: 1.6k

natasha romanoff masterlist

As I finally landed, I watched everyone face drop once they recognized who I was. My brain felt like static as I took the steps to where the team was camped out.

I watched Steve Rogers, I think that’s what the file I was given said, stand up and look at the other members of the squad. As he approached I felt flashes of memories, or maybe memories, flood me.

“(Y/N)? What are you doing here?” The blond approached me but stopped a few feet away. He tried to keep his voice clear of emotion but it was useless, I couldn’t be trusted yet.

“I was told you needed back-up,” I didn’t bring up how the nice blonde woman, I think she said her name was Pepper, argued with Mr. Fury for days about me re-joining the team.

“Well you came just in time.”

By the look in his eye, I didn't want what he wanted in the slightest.

I followed him to the tents that were hidden among the trees, a shiver going up my spine when I made eye contact with any members of the team.

I could see old versions of myself interacting with each, but some felt so real and some felt so fake I couldn’t put them right in my mind.

One I caught the red head, Natasha, eye I felt my body grow stiff. She was common in my memories, some of her gentle and meaningful and some of her enraged with bullets flying at me. Tony had informed me that most of the bad memories are Hydra’s doing, that they were never real. I couldn’t help but wonder how true that was as she backed away from me when I walked past her.

“(Y/N) was dropped off for back-up,” Mr. Rogers spoke from behind me, taking the seat next to the brunette with the metal arm. I had spoken to him twice when I was in the hospital, apparently he had something to do with my capture and refused to see me more after that.

“Um, Cap?” Clint, or was it Carl, spoke up. He gave me a few side glances but said nothing else until he was pulled aside.

As soon as they were out of ear shot I watched them go at each other, arguing about who knew what, most likely me. I did my best to ignore the eyes on me, but I couldn’t help but snap.

“Have something to say?”

All eyes flooded off me, except for Natasha who crossed her arms and stared me down.

“You aren’t going to try and kill me again, are you?”

Her question enraged me, but I had no reason to be mad. I was the one who attacked, but I swore she was after me.

“I thought you were a threat,” my words felt icy as they hung in the air.

“I wasn’t before and I’m not now,” her words were just as cold, running in my blood like a river in December. 

“Look I’m sorry, okay? I have all these memories and I can’t tell what’s real or not, so yes I attacked you,” I sat against the log farthest from anyone, so I couldn’t hurt someone.

“Then ask.”

Mr. Rogers came back, taking the seat he took seconds ago and watched me closely. He looked more opened to talking then the C man that came back with him.

“Will that work?” I looked to Banner, the doctor who checks on me often when I was strapped to the hospital bed.

“It can’t hurt,” he shrugged his shoulder and continued to look around the group. They spoke with their eyes and I couldn’t help but wonder would the old me under their silent conversation.

“I was a part of your group, real or not real?”

“Real,” Rogers spoke up, nodding to each member as if to tell them it was okay, but I couldn’t be sure of that.

I nodded, letting the fake and real memories flood me within every inch of my brain. I had enough questions to keep them up all night.

“I was kidnapped in my sleep by Hydra, real or not real?”

“Real,” the man with the metal arm spoke this time, giving me the nod this time and I felt as if he was letting me join their secret conversation.

“It was a few months ago, we couldn’t get to you in time,” Banner filled me in more.

I could vaguely remember the screaming and the way my bed-sheets felt that night, but everything else was slightly blurry.

“Natasha tried to kill me, real or not real?”

“Not real,” she was quick to set me straight, giving me a look I couldn’t read but I didn’t mind it, not when it was coming from her.

She was the only person being straight with me, not jumping around the conversation that I needed to have for my sake.

“You’re favorite color is Orange, real or not real?” I didn’t take my eyes off her, the conversation felt so intimate even if everyone was watching.

“Yes, and yours in red because you say it reminds you of my hair,” she looked to her hands, rubbing them up and down the side of her thighs.

“Okay,” I nodded as I absorbed the information about myself, the first piece of information I’ve heard that wasn’t in a file.

“I think we should start getting some sleep, we have a long day ahead,” Rogers pointed to his tent, his voice soft yet firm.

Nobody disagrees, each telling the other goodnight while I got head titles and I'm waves. The only people to tell me goodnight were Rogers and his friend, who I think was named James but I remembered his face clearly now.

I was once his friend too.

I didn’t move from my log, I couldn’t sleep much anyways and I couldn’t be shoved into a tent alone and expected not to go crazy. I said nothing as Natasha moved a few logs closer to me, staring at the ground as she waited.

“Anymore questions?”

“Plenty, but do you have the answers?” I ducked my head, hoping to get a glimpse of her eyes but I was memorized when I did.

Her face flashed over my brain, the same red but straighter and her eye shined under a street lamp. Her lips were as soft as hotel pillows and her touch was like magic as it ghosted over my shoulder.

She looked like magic before the sight was gone and I watched her slightly dirty hair hang in her eye, that wasn't as bright, and the memories started to fog again.

“You kissed me, real or not real?”

The silent felt like screaming as she chewed on her bottom lip, waiting for her words to work.

“Real.”

It wasn’t as confident as her words before, but it felt so much more honest than anything I remembered.

“How did I think you wanted to kill me then?”

“Hydra turned all your memories of me to shit, all the ones they knew about,” she rolled something in-between her finger and I wanted to ask but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

“Do you remember any good ones?”

She held back a laugh, finally looking up from the ground to me with a sad smile stretch on her lips.

“Plenty,” she nodded, going back to the object in her hand.

“Tell me about them, please?”

The ‘please’ sounded so desperate in my head, but it seemed to bring her ease as she moved her body to face me.

“We used to window shop like crazy together,” she looked up at my confused face and continued, “it’s like walking around and looking at stuff you’ll never buy.”

The memories of walking on a sidewalk with her filled me up, the feeling of gentle flowers brushed against my skin filled me.

“Then one time, after we kissed, you pulled me into this antique store and told me to pick something. We argued about it for ten minutes before you gave me this look I could never say no to, so I grabbed the closet thing and told you it’s what I wanted. It was the locket, I hate wearing it because it's so big so I keep it in my pocket,” she held out the locket in question, waiting for me to draw closer and once I did she opened it.

Inside was a photo of me, rolling my eyes at the camera but a hint of a smile on my lips. I looked so content for someone rolling their eyes, I wonder if I always like that.

“You were, never took many things seriously,” I didn’t realize I spoke out loud, but I was glad I did when she almost laughed at the memories.

That when it started to really hit me, not just the memories but the feelings. They laughs and the jokes, and all the inbetweens. I didn’t really know what I was saying, not for a while, but I couldn’t stop myself.

“You love me, real or not real?”

Her answer wasn’t hesitate, even with the same pause, she knew as soon as I asked she just wasn’t ready to say it.

“Real,” her voice was barely above a whisper but I heard it.

I wanted to respond with ‘me too’ or something along the lines, but my answer was much more complex and I couldn’t only hope she understood.

“I think the old me loved you back, from how I feel when I think of the little things, and I can only hope the new me can remember why.”

I was scared when she said nothing, as if I made an impossible situation worse, but when she looked up at me her eyes twinkled again and her hair appeared redder.

“Let me know when you do?”

“You’ll be the first to know, Nat.”

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[hunkydorkling]

What makes a friendship a commitment, a short Essay by Demetri for English 4

A little bit of common interest, a lot of compassion: these are two non-negotiable ingredients prerequisite to every friendship. If done right, it can be home to a symphony of colors, shades that exist beyond the traditional blacks, whites, and greys. It can turn deep blue, bright red, and even purposeful purple—at least, from what I can tell about my Eli.

If anyone had known I talked about Eli Moskowitz' character like how I talk about Alita The Battle Angel, they would proceed to empathize, drop snide remarks, argue that he's "a rotten apple" for clear reasons I understand perfectly. But in his defense I say: he's not rotten to the core. He can't eat that deep into cores. He's wired differently, and it's not his fault. Which is why he's a perfect example of commitment.

His shape-shifting abilities are admirable at best, but detrimental at worst. A year and a half ago, he had been in worse shape—physically, not even close, but mentally. And it ruined more than the most important thing in my life more than his permanent record. One would argue that he actually lost himself in the battle for ambition, for validation. I've known Eli since we played chess in elementary (which I taught to him, he was a fast learner). He'd always look up from the board to seek my reaction if he made some smart move. My mistake used to be dismissing it. But it went on until our most recent recreational sport, which led to diverging paths on yellow wood. Those were dark times. To present to him an argument that he is not the Eli I knew was harmful, and yet it's the path I chose to take with him. We were approaching separate roads, and I was slowing down.

There were nights where I would handpick out reasons why our relationship happened the way it did, naturally without his point of view. The blame game was very strong, I even ripped up two or three photos of us from summer camp I had to forcefully adjust myself to his new skin almost overnight. (It wasn't really overnight, more like a few weeks, give or take.) I would question myself and my disposition, whether or not it was my place to be involved in that sport, or to shy myself away.

But I always had that feeling that Eli was worth it, so I made efforts. I made efforts to kick the crap out of his system communicate why his new direction wasn't the best nor the right way, wasn't him. And in the process, I've ultimately found myself, too. This is going to sound cheesy, and I don't care if it is, but the light at the end of the tunnel has always been Eli, albeit the deranged version of him that I had to live through these last few months. I wouldn't have stuck so long trying to kick his ass if Eli wasn't worth keeping, worth saving. He's the badass badass of the century for me, and I am in my own merit—that's what makes our friendship worth keeping, worth committing.

ESSAY POSTED SUCCESSFULLY

Submitted by Demetri Alexopoulos

[teamddixon]

A New Normal

Summary: Set in the future of the TWD timeline, this story follows Daryl, Y/N and her brother through their journey in the world of the undead. It wasn’t like Daryl to let people in to his heart easily, but it was Y/N’s smiles that had captured him completely, and before he knew it, there wasn’t a scenario Daryl could think of about his future that didn’t have Y/N in it.

A/N: Hi guys, this is my first time writing a fic of our TWD badass, Daryl Dixon. It’s gonna be a long one, and a work in progress. I write because it makes me happy, and I hope it’ll make you happy too. The intro for this fic would be pretty long, and Daryl wouldn’t appear until slightly later, but I thought it would be important to touch on Y/N and her brother’s background since we already know Daryl’s background pretty well. I’m not a zombie apocalypse expert, and neither dare I call myself a TWD expert (I’m not, please pardon me if I get some facts wrong!), so some parts of the story may not be realistic. It is most certainly strayed from the current universe since this is meant to be set in the projected timeline after the eventual season 11, which of course we don’t know yet how Daryl’s narrative would be changed or if it would at all, (or do we?), so this story may or may not make sense after season 11 ends (maybe think of this as a spin off?). I do hope you like it, and don’t mind the fact that it is set way in the future of the universe. As mentioned, it’s still a work in progress and I don’t know how many parts it’ll be. But writing this is extremely cathartic for me so I’ll continue writing for as long as my brain (and my full time job) allows.  Comments and feedback are welcomed and appreciated! Please sit back and enjoy this journey with Daryl. :)

Photo is not mine. All mistakes in this are mine, please pardon them. 

There aren’t many moments in Y/N’s life where she’d just sit on a spot, completely and utterly at a loss. The camp where she’d called home for the last month was gone – just like that. Along with it, the people she considered her family. When an unexpected rogue herd of walkers stumbled across the cabin, she was out on a supply run with her older brother, Andrew. By the time they had came back, the cabin was in shambles and the smell of the dead overpowered their senses. Y/N stood rooted to the ground in shock behind the bushes, throwing a look of fear at Andrew. Biting back a scream, knowing it’ll give her position away, Y/N looked around, hoping to see a familiar face. A familiar face that was alive. There was none. It was too late for them to do anything to salvage their family, their home. There were too many walkers to take on and honestly, nothing much left for salvation.

Y/N had no idea how long she was behind the bushes watching the dead feeding on mangled bodies of people she once knew. She knew she had to move, but her feet wouldn’t allow. It was as if they were locked in position, trapped in the nightmare of a scene before her. The only comfort she could gather was seeing quite a number of fallen walkers with slash marks on their heads – meaning they had put up a strong fight against them.

“Come on, we got to go.” Andrew’s voice called out, his hand grabbing hers nudging her to move. There was a catch in his voice, although he tried to hide it. Still in shock and tears, Y/N willed her legs to move. Just one foot in front of another, just one foot in front of another. She had to keep her mind focused on what was in front, and to keep her legs moving forward. Y/N followed him, almost in complete auto-pilot. 

Without actually knowing how long or how she even managed to keep in tandem with her brother’s pace with her state of mind, he had led Y/N to a spot in the woods where the two of them finally crashed on the hard grounds. Y/N was shaking violently as she buried her heads between her knees. She had no idea if she was shaking because of the nip in the air, or because of shock. A low growl shook her awake from her reverie. She looked up to see a lone walker approaching from the right. Reaching for her hunting knife from her belt holster with her shaky hands proved to be a tremendous task. Y/N finally managed to unsheathe the knife and plunged it hard into the walker’s temple right before its jaw got onto her. She had no idea she still had that strength somewhere in her.

“Are you okay?” Andrew had walked over to her just in time to plunge his machete into the head of another walker that had approached Y/N from her blind spot. “Thanks. I didn’t see it coming.” Y/N mustered her strength and stood up before kicking the walker in its head with a mixture of anger and disbelief.

“I don’t, I cant –“ Y/N finally allowed herself to sob into Andrew’s shirt. While there were only a few people in the group to begin with, she have had time to know them through this shitstorm and had grown to like them like her own family. They were the people she had been moving with for years. They had lost some people in their journey, but they’d never lost all of them entirely before. To lose them all at once was devasting. But all in all, she was glad her brother was there. Andrew was fiercely protective of her, especially in this new world. She wouldn’t be alive and standing today if not for him. All her survival skills, her knife works, hunting and tracking skills, had all came from him. Y/N was not prepared for this world at all. Without Andrew, she would have become one of the walkers a long time ago. But she was a fast learner, and had more than proven her survival skills. Despite all that, she never lost her sense of hope and cheerfulness, that was until that day.

She was thankful for Andrew for giving her the time to grief while he single-handedly took down more than a dozen walkers while she was still in a daze. She felt horrible, leaving her brother to keep her alive knowing he needed his time to process everything too. Andrew didn’t say anything, he just kept her alive.

Nightfall brings another set of danger – the temperature had dipped drastically. Y/N worked with her brother to build a makeshift shelter with leaves and twigs. Andrew had also got a small fire going to provide a bit of warmth. If the walkers doesn’t get to them, the elements most certainly would. Satisfied with the perimeters, lined with makeshift cans and marbles to alert them when any walkers enter the camp, Andrew gestured for Y/N to sleep while he kept watch.

Y/N tucked herself in next to the small fire and tried to sleep. But of course sleep eluded her. Every time she had her eyes closed, all she could see was the grotesque bodies of her friends back in the cabin. She kept your eyes close despite that, hoping to catch at least a little sleep. Y/N knew she would be in no state to fight for survival without rest. Andrew sat next to the fire and finally allowed himself to process the events of the day. Most of the people in the group had been his friends since he was a child. He had grown up with them, went through triumphs and heartbreaks together. Losing them was painful. Losing them and not being able to do anything for them was painful. He looked at Y/N who had now finally fallen asleep and willed himself to stay strong. He couldn’t – he wouldn’t let the same thing happen to his sister. Y/N was his only family left.

Three hours into Y/N’s fitful sleep, she woke up in a pool of sweat despite the night cold. Before this all happened, Y/N always slept like a log. An earthquake could literally be breaking her room down and she would have no idea. But in this new normal, her body had adjusted itself to wake up within a few hours and it had learned to survive on a couple hours of sleep each night.

She saw Andrew throwing logs into the fire to keep it going. Approaching him silently, she gestured for him to sleep while she took over the watch. Nodding his head, he vacated his space before taking over hers. Y/N was on high alert, determined to keep her brother safe while he catch his much needed rest. Andrew had been there for Y/N all her life. She was only a couple of years younger so they were very close since young. This trip was supposed to be a break from work, but instead, they were thrown with an even bigger shitstorm than they could imagine. Y/N almost laughed when she thought about the irony. She would choose to go back to her office job any day over this. Before long, the cackle of the fire begin to diminish as the day broke. Y/N looked up at the skies, trying hard to fathom how this was the very same sky before the world had turned into hell. The sun still came up in the East and the morning birds still sang, but nothing else about the world right now was the same.

Gathering up all of their belongings, Y/N and Andrew set off for another day. They had to find a more permanent shelter, a sturdier shelter than twigs and leaves at least. Stopping by the creek to gather some water, Y/N took the chance to splash herself with the cold water. As the water hit her face, she perked up. Having not had a shower for days, Y/N’s skin was starting to itch and peel. Her feet was swollen with blisters and her arms were filled with dried scabs from all the cuts she sustained while running away from walkers. Y/N looked at Andrew with a longing in her eyes. She needed that shower. Convinced that the area was free of walkers, Andrew gave in and gave her privacy while Y/N washed yourself. He told her he would try to track something for their food today and set off with his bag, gesturing for Y/N to follow when she was done. A smile almost crept up Y/N’s face as she washed away days of sweat, dirt, and walker blood off her body. She hadn’t dared to take her time though. Once she was done, she quickly put on a fresher set of clothes that she had and set out to look for Andrew.

Feeling more refreshed, Y/N tried to put on a new perspective of how life was going to be moving forward. She was determined to continue living, living for the friends who couldn’t. She was going to continue living for Andrew. She didn’t want all of Andrew’s effort teaching her survival to go to waste. Y/N followed the tracks on the floor, hoping to find Andrew soon. No more than 10 minutes into following the tracks, she heard a slight ruffle of leaves to her left. It was so slight it was almost unnoticeable. It can’t have been a walker – a walker would have made a louder noise than that. It was most certainly a person. She smiled and moved towards the direction where she heard the sound from, anticipating to see Andre.

“Hey, did you managed to –“ Y/N’s whispers faltered into complete silence when a tall, crossbow donning man with striking blue eyes, greeted her. The man had his crossbow trained on Y/N’s head. She stopped in her tracks, knife in hand ready to strike.

“Who are you?” The man demanded. Not only was his crossbow trained on Y/N, his eyes were trained on her too.

“Y/N.” She spoke calmly, hand still steady on the knife. While she knew she’d be dead with his arrow before she could attack him with the knife, she weren’t about to go down without a fight if she had to. Y/N looked at the man, trying to download as much details about him as she could. He wore a long sleeves black shirt with two top buttons missing, a pair of cargo pants that were slightly ripped on some parts and his boots carried the obvious evidence of blood and someone who had been out in the open. Y/N tried not to wince as she stared directly into the man’s eyes. Although his hair covered the side of his face, she could make out his stern expression – an expression of someone who had been surviving on his own. But behind all that, she just had a sense, a strange and unspoken sense that he wasn’t a dangerous man.

“Look, I’m just looking for my brother, all right? I don’t mean to walk into your zone.” Y/N explained. “If you promise not to shoot me, I’ll just turn around and be on my way.”

Adrenaline from meeting a lone stranger in the woods had had blood rushing to her ears, muffling her surrounding sounds. As she prepared to turn and leave, the man spoke again. “Behind ya!” That was when she heard it – the unmistakable sound of a walker behind her. As a reflex, Y/N bent her body forward and side stepped, but in her haste to evade the walker, she had missed her footing. Y/N cursed under her breath but quickly regained her posture. She raised her arm, ready to strike, but before she could, the walker’s dead weight had pushed her, causing her to fall backwards on the hard ground, losing her knife in the process. Y/N quickly worked to fight the walker off but all she heard was the hustling sound of an arrow and the silenced growl from the walker. Feeling the full weight of the walker now, she pushed it off and saw that it had an arrow right smack between it’s eyes. Y/N turned to look at the man as he approached the walker. With one foot on the walker’s head, he pulled out the arrow with one swift motion with his free hand. He then turned sideways to look at Y/N.

“That was really cool.” Y/N couldn’t help but chuckle slightly. Seeing that the man had made no move to point his crossbow at her again, Y/N relaxed. She spotted and dug out her knife that had been partially buried during the fall and tussle with the walker.

“That was really cool.” Y/N couldn’t help but chuckle slightly. Seeing that the man had made no move to point his crossbow at her again, Y/N relaxed. She spotted and dug out her knife that had been partially buried during the fall and tussle with the walker.

“Thanks. I owe you.” Y/N gestured to the walker on the ground as she dusted herself off. “What’s your name?” She smiled.

Daryl was immediately captivated by Y/N’s smile and the sound of her chuckles. Earlier when he had heard someone approaching, he was ready to strike, ready to take them down if he had to. But as he heard Y/N’s voice for the first time, he knew immediately that she was no threat. He hadn’t seen or heard another person’s voice for days. But even if he had, there was something about Y/N’s voice and her smiles that enchanted him. Despite the situation the world was in, Daryl was comforted to see a smile that seemed to make him forget everything else.

“Daryl.”

“I’m sorry again, you know, for walking into you.”

“Sorry for ta’ crossbow on ya head.” Daryl nodded his head slightly at Y/N as apology.

“We’re even then.” Y/N smiled again. It was nice meeting someone else in this crazy world of the dead. Something about Daryl had made her feel a sense of comfort and calm, despite just meeting him a few minutes ago. Daryl looked away, feeling his face flushed from seeing her smiles. There had never been anyone who had that effect on him before. Her smiles were a huge contrast to everything he had come to know in the last ten years. He wanted nothing but to remember them.

[miss-kittys-magical-library]

Waiting For A Star To Fall

Nikolai x Selina

Word Count: 6k

Warnings: minor angst and fluff, oral sex (m/f receiving), brief thigh riding, penetration, use of sex toys, language gif by @vousnavezrienvu

A/N: Selina and Nikolai's first date turns into more than they ever imagined. 

This took a stupid amount of time to write and became a pure labor of love. Thank you @magic-multicolored-miracle and @neuroticpuppy for being with me the ENTIRE way.  And @bisexualnathanyoung and @forenschik for being my guinea pig

September 1992

Selina’s phone rang, but Sunny beat her to it as he threw himself over the arm of the futon in her minuscule apartment.  His elbow rammed into the wall, and Selina insisted he deserved it.

“Hello?” 

There was a momentary pause.  Selina stood cross-armed with a frown on her face.

“I don't recall anyone with that name living here.  It's just my sister, myself, and the guy from the sixth floor who was murdered in 1985.” 

“SUNNY!!” 

He waved her off,  “Why would I be fucking with you?  You called here.  My sister didn't give you this number, she's a virtual nun!  She's not one to take up with strange foreign men.”

Selina launched herself at her little brother.  He held the cordless phone above his head and levitated the ten feet towards the ceiling.  His legs curled up underneath so she couldn't grab him by the ankle. 

“UNFAIR!!”  

“EVOLUTIONARY ADVANTAGE!” he shouted and stuck out his tongue.  “You were saying?”

“You aren't evolution!  You're a science experiment that was implanted in our mother by The Men In Black.”

“Low blow.” Sunny flipped Selina off and went back to the caller.  “I mean that may or may not be the woman you ravished lakeside.  I know my sister is her own woman.  You scandalized her though.  I think you made her feel.. feelings.  Rude.” 

“NICKLAUS ELTON KOSTAS GIVE ME MY PHONE!”

He held up his hand.  “HEY! I can speak Russian you know.”  And then Sunny did for the next several minutes occasionally glancing down at his sister.  

Finally, he came back to the couch and held out the receiver to Selina.  “It's for you.  He's very perturbed, and Slavic.  And sexy.”

She yanked the phone from her brother and flipped him off.  “Klaus should've left you in 1989.”  Her voice softened and her cheeks flushed as she finally answered, “Hi.” 

Sunny hovered a few feet off the ground as Selina blabbered on in flirtatious Russian.  He sneered and poked fun at the way his sister wound her finger up in her hair and then released it.  When that didn't work, craving her attention, he began to hold an imaginary conversation with an exaggerated Russian accent.  

Selina threw the first thing she could at her little brother.  The remote control sailed across the room at Sunny who simply held up his hand, palm towards his sister.  The remote hung in the air like he did.  Then he narrowed his eyes which caused the object to lower to the floor. Selina sighed and returned to the conversation. 

“Wait, you wanna take me out?”  A pause.  “You don't have to repay me.  I'm just practicing for when I'm ethically obligated to save someone.” Pause. “Arsonists and thieves too!”  Selina smiled wide as the flames licked her cheeks and ears now.  “How attractive you are doesn't alter Samaritan laws, Nikolai.” 

Sunny rolled his eyes flabbergasted at how his sister’s entire demeanor changed the moment she began to speak to the Russian from Sway Lake.  She was being coy.  Dare he say seductive as she ignored everything he managed to garner attention.  

Sunny had always been the object of his sister’s devotion.  EVERYONE’S devotion really.  As the youngest of eight “children,” it was his birthright.  Now here he was, slowly becoming Selina’s third favorite person.  Not a single soul, no matter how rakish or good in bed, would ever replace Leon. 

“Sure.  Yeah, I’d like that.”  Selina had a dopey grin on her face.  “Tonight?!  I mean can you even get reservations?”  “Trust you?  I don't know why I should, but I guess I will.  I'll meet you there. Do svidaniya, Nik.. KOLYA.”  

Selina hung up the phone and threw a pillow this time at Sunny.  He crashed to the floor having been caught off guard and rubbed his ass.  

“Just be HUMAN FOR FIVE MINUTES.” 

“I AM HUMAN!! I'M JUST.. Super.” 

“Super egotistical.”

“I can't help that the love of our parents turned me into a badass.” 

“I just pray Reginald never finds you.  You're the success to his failure with Klaus.”  Selina meant that last bit with her entire being.  “Now get out, I've a date tonight.” 

---

“Nikolai, I can't run that fast in these boots!”  Selina yelled as she desperately tried to catch up to her date.  She could hear a fast-approaching man behind her yelling obscenities in a dialect she wasn't familiar with.  Bulgarian or Lithuanian maybe. 

He stopped at the corner.  “We are wearing the same ones, look how fast I'm moving.  I think it must be the several rum and cokes you had.  Come,” Nikolai held out his hand, “we will go faster together.” 

Selina rolled her eyes but linked her hand with his.  Nikolai took off, and she started to laugh.  The exhilaration and adrenaline coursed through her veins.  Never in a million years would she have imagined dining and ditching.  

Nik was so calm as he spoke to the waiter in the dialect they were being bellowed at.  He never blinked.  Then the waiter nodded, took something from him and walked away.  Nikolai stood and clasped Selina’s hand and began to make his way towards the door. 

“Nikolai, shouldn't you pay?” 

There was a slight shake to his head.  He never looked back, just kept going with Selina tight to his side.  They made it to the door before they both had to give chase. 

Selina swung out into the street.  She waved and whistled loudly at an oncoming taxi.  To her shock, it stopped to pull over for them.  Nik was incredulous but had no choice except join his date as she yanked him inside the cab.  

“Bleecker and Christopher, please,” she instructed the taxi driver.  Selina turned to the Russian beside her,  “Are we going to break the law EVERY time we're together?”  

“Yes.  Like a new Bonnie and Clyde.”  Nikolai lifted the hand Selina hadn't realized he was still holding.  His lips brushed the back of it, “Without being shot to death by the FBI.” 

Selina's heart pounded in her ears.  She couldn't remember seeing anyone look attractive in the color orange.  Yet here was the man beside her, currently with a look she could only describe as voracious, pulling it off.  Her cheeks grew hot under the weight of his stare. 

“What?!” came out in an embarrassing giggle. 

“I cannot look at something beautiful?” 

“You don't have to lay it on THAT thick.  I'm taking you back to my apartment already.” 

“I'm not trying to trick you, Lina.  I think you are beautiful. I almost blew my own mission.  Especially under the moonlight.  You made me forget what I was doing.  Your willingness to allow me to do unspeakable things to your body helped,” he teased.  

Selina decided to play coy as the taxi stopped in front of her building.  “Let's see what happens under this month’s full moon.” 

---

Selina and Nikolai on the fire escape outside her living room window.  Selina a few beers in and a few steps above.  Nikolai nursing a beer of his own while settled between her knees.  His arm under her knee to snake around her calf.  His fingers mindlessly stroked her ankle to the naked foot dangling in his lap. 

They had fallen into a contented silence after nearly two hours of talking.  Sharing stories in Russian and English.  Nik’s curiosity about the photos and books and records she owned was endless.  Selina had a hard time keeping up and answering as he flitted along from keepsake to keepsake. 

Yes, that's Elton John.  Somehow he and her parents were old friends.  He dedicated “Your Song” to her parents every concert they went to.  Selina could never figure out why. 

The somehow dower, yet smiling man, with a giant cigar in his mouth that tossed Selina in the air while little Sunny hung from his back was her Godfather, Tom.  He had been a CIA agent that now lived in a cabin with his beautiful French wife, Ella.  That's where she had been  staying up at Sway Lake.  Yes he did always look like a lion with a thorn in his paw, but he was soft and kind and loving.  

The Lady Godiva on the horse was her mother, Honey, back when she frequented Studio 54.  Selina recalled her hair rivaled only Cher’s at that stage.  Raven colored and long enough to hide her naked body (barely) as she sat side saddle on the white mare.  Her head resting against the back of an equally nude man. Her one arm wrapped around his thin waist. 

Nope, Nik was totally not imagining things.  The man holding the reins did strongly resemble her brother and himself.  That was HER papa, Leon. His hair in perfectly wild curls to his shoulders. His face full of confidence and sex. 

The questions began to wear Selina down.  No one had ever been this inquisitive or interested in her life.  Her family.  Her.  The endless questions, punctuated by making out until their lips chapped, about her personally.  Then, between an anecdote about Luther and rollerskating and tongues fighting for dominance they stopped.  

Now Nikolai lifted Selina’s foot and kissed the top of it.  Then his mouth made its way up her shin.  When he reached her knee, Nik turned abruptly to face the woman behind him.  He set the bottle down on the windowsill before kneeling on the stairs.  He slid the hem of her dress up, fingers hooked into the fabric of her panties to tug them off.  He kissed her inner thigh before letting his tongue trace painfully slow along her sex. 

Selina could only grasp the railing.  Her fingers curved around the cold metal and she cried out in pleasure as Nikolai slipped his tongue inside of her.  

It slid in and out before eventually discovering her clit.  His hands on her ass so that he could pull her onto his face.  Encourage her to ride him as his tongue flicked in circles and then snaked in and out. 

Selina started to lose herself.  Her free hand tugged at Nik’s hair while her hips bucked and the spark grew.  She twitched and cried out louder as his mouth and tongue worked faster.  She opened her eyes to look down at the man keen to make her cum. 

Almost as if he could feel her eyes on him, Nikolai looked up at Selina.  She felt strange, shameless and used her own thumb to wipe away what was on his lips.  She sucked on it briefly then grabbed Nik by the shirt towards her.  Wanting for a kiss.  

Selina revelled in the way she tasted on his lips and inside her own mouth.  Like beer and bitterness.  She had never done that before Nikolai and the lake.  She wanted to do it again, and every time he went down on her.  She wanted to put him in her mouth.  To suck and lick and make him bend and writhe.  

She could, she thought, now.  Selina pushed Nik away at arms length meaning to have him sit on the stairs so she could give him head.  Her fingers deft at the belt buckle and buttons on his pants. She laughed full of nerves as he fumbled, THE OVERCONFIDENT RUSSIAN FUMBLED!! 

Nikolai fumbled with the buttons on his dress shirt before he finally came loose.  He yanked his pants and boxers over his hips and held his cock in his hand. Nik parted her legs and started to push inside, but Selina held up her hands.

“What are you doing?”

“Do you not want me to have sex with you?”  He was more shocked than angry. 

Selina ran her hands over his chest and stomach then up around his neck.  “I very much want to fuck you.” Nikolai huffed, but Selina continued, “I mean I've seen you naked and can't get over how fucking sexy you are.”  

“Then what is wrong?  Not here?  Maybe this is not comfortable for you.  We’ll go inside.”  He stood and held out his hand.

“It's probably the same as fucking on a bunch of sticks and acorns.”

Nikolai sniffed again at the use of the word “fucking.”  “Then what is wrong?”

Selina stood and climbed in through the windows.  Her date followed.  “There's an international health crisis.   A incurable disease that passes mostly via sex and fluids?” she shouted from her room as she rummaged through drawers. 

“Do you mean The..AIDS?  Is that not for,” he chose his words carefully, “The gay men?” 

Selina could tell Nik was more confused than anything.  She heard this all the time at the clinic where she volunteered. “Or you could be bisexual or pansexual like my brothers.  Contract it from a man and pass it to a female partner.”  

She appeared in the living room now with a small foil package.  “Or an IV drug user, also like my brother, and get it that way.” 

Selina started to unwrap the condom without noticing that Nikolai was standing completely nude in her living room.  “This is usually where most guys bail.  They're not interested in protection or rubbers.  Mostly just a pump and..” she looked up and paused in her tracks. She was distracted by his body and neck and eyes and jawline.  “Christ on a cracker.”

“What?”  he chuckled.  

“Sorry! I know. I know.  AIDS talk is a bummer.  I get this close to just.. sitting on a dick and I panic?  Everyone in my family got the sexual confidence memo but me.” 

“Why are you panicking now?  You did not freak out by Sway Lake.”  

Nikolai couldn't help the teasing in his voice.  He reached out for Selina to draw her close to his body.  His knee inside of her thighs just like that night.  

Now he unzipped and helped her out of the dress.  “I think it's very sexy when you talk like a nurse. So smart and commanding.”  His hands ran over her bare back and down to her ass as he brushed his nose along her neck up to her ear.  He nipped at the lobe, “That can be very erotic putting a condom on.” 

“Nik,” Selina could only squeak out.  Her body involuntarily started to rock back and forth. 

“It's Kolya.  In Russian we use end of names,” he breathed in her ear.  “Like your sister, Vanya.   Little Ivan.”

“Ok,” Selina didn't want to hear about Vanya right now.  Or Klaus.  Or Diego.  Instead she got down on her knees.  The condom was still in her hand as she used the other to hold his erection towards her mouth.

“Lina, what are you doing?”  

She looked up through her bangs, her tongue darted out to trace around the head of the cock.  “Sucking your dick.  What else does it look like?”  She took it fully in her mouth, letting the tip hit the back of her throat.  

“Fuck,” he mumbled in Russian.  “Dorogoya, stop.”  

Selina sat back with a popping sound, “Did I do it wrong?  I'm like, the LEAST experienced person in this family.”

“You don't have to be an expert.  A blow job is a blow job, we can practice another time.  I want to be inside of you.  And I have been very patient.”

Selina stood, but Nikolai lifted her completely off the ground.  She wrapped her arms and legs around him as they stumbled towards the futon.  Mouths and tongues at war as Nik sat her down on the cushions.  Selina held eye contact as she expertly unrolled the condom down the length of his cock.  She kissed his stomach as he noticeably shuddered.  

Nikolai let his fingers caress Selina’s bottom lip before crawling on top of her.  She still held his erection in her hand as he threw one of her legs over his shoulder.  He held her bent knee to the side as she taunted him with her sex.  Guiding it just inside before digging her nails into his ass so that he buried himself to the hilt. 

Selina clawed at his back as Nik started to undulate.  Over and over, further inside each time.  Their bodies rocked wildly as Selina’s muscles started to shake from the position she was in.  She clung to him desperately as he searched for her neck and chest with his lips.  

Nikolai’s mouth devoured one of her breasts.  He sucked and bit at Selina’s nipple.  She cried out in shock at the sensation.  The sound egged him on to go harder.  

“So you like that too?” His voice raspy in her cleavage. His suckling and biting increased.  She mewled in reply. 

Selina was worried that it wasn't working.  That she couldn't or wouldn't orgasm.  Not like she did when he went down on her.  How she hung from the cliff.  

She WAS being pleasured.  Nikolai was hitting the right spots, but she was so nervous about what she looked like under the lamplight.  His rhythm and pounding, it was pounding, into her was unmatched.  She cried out with exaggeration to indicate she had cum hoping he wouldn't notice. 

“Fuck!” he cried out and propped himself up by the back of the futon.  

Nik’s body arched while his hips made circular motion.  He spasmed and shuddered as his body immediately went into shut down mode.  His face covered in a sheen of sweat as he pressed his forehead into Selina’s neck then pecked it a few times. 

“I.. am sorry, Lina.” There was disappointment in the Russian’s voice as he held the condom so he could pull out.

“For what?”   Her arms and legs still enclosed around his back and hips.  

“You did not.. cum,” Nik’s eyes searched the woman below him.  “I should have tried better.  I just was so turned on by you.”  He swept the damp hair away from her forehead. 

“You were fine!  It was good.  Really good.  I got in my own head is all.  Maybe next time?” 

“You mean later tonight,” he winked then pecked the tip of her nose. “I won't leave until you are honestly screaming my name.”  There were four dimples Selina counted in his smile.  

“Then we’ll sleep on it first.” 

---- 

Selina tip toed out to the kitchen both starved and thirsty.  She thought about Nikolai's playful threat about not leaving until she got off and chuckled to herself.  Then she peered around the wall to see him asleep on the futon.  His mouth slightly agape and one hand under his cheek. 

Would it be so bad with him around all the time? She thought as she cracked open a beer.  To not be alone when she came home from a shift?  How nice it would be to have conversations with someone not “related” in some form or another. 

And Nikolai was interested in Selina.  He still dodged questions about himself, answering straightforwardly with no details.  She knew it was because he didn't trust her just yet.  It wasn't like she didn't have secrets of her own, but the more open she COULD be, the more she knew Nik would reciprocate.  It had to be lonely with only one confidante. 

Selina turned around and jumped a mile in the air.  “Motherfucker!”

Nikolai was casually leaning against the doorway watching her contemplate life and drinking a beer.  “She IS very sexy,” he replied with a cheeky grin. 

Selina rolled her eyes and walked towards her kitchen table to keep distance between herself and the Russian.  As if she were daring him to chase her.  Nik made her feel so contradictory.  In control and submissive.  Safe yet dangerous.  Lustful.  

There was no opposite to that, she realized.  The light from her small kitchen window illuminated the lines and definition of his chest and shoulders.  The collarbone that met in the middle and moved up into his thick neck with its Adam's Apple bobbing along as he swallowed.  A sharp intake of breath before he clenched his jaw.  

Selina’s heart pumped into her ears as he casually reached across the table for her, but she ducked out of the way.  His eyebrows knit together in confusion as they danced around for only a few moments until she allowed him to grab her by the elbow.  Her world stood still as he took her in his arms, back to his chest. 

“I have been thinking, rypka, about our little challenge,” Nikolai settled one hand on her breast which he massaged lightly paying close attention to her nipple.  His mouth somewhere behind her ear as his other hand dropped to her sex. 

A finger found its way inside of Selina and she lost the air in her lungs.  It curved and hooked before making a lazy swirl around her clit.  “Already?” was all she managed.  Her nails closed around his wrist and urged him on. 

“I would like to try a different way of having sex with you.  I just don't want you to be offended.”  

Nik let go of Selina and placed her arms on the tabletop.  He spread her hands out; bent her forward so that her top half was pressed into the wood surface.  Then he grabbed her hips so that her ass was flush with his hardened cock.

“No anal,” she moaned.  “Wear a condom,” another instruction. “Bathroom shelf.” She grazed against him. 

“If you insist,” Nikolai replied in Russian. “I will obey.”  

There was a playful slap on Selina’s ass, and she felt herself swell and throb.  A first time for everything. If she enjoyed it, wet from the sting of being struck, it was.. genetic.  

Her brothers, father, even Honey mentioned the occasional pain got them going.  Klaus and Sunny with varying degrees of punishment.  She knew from eavesdropping or snooping that her parents preferred it light: spanking or hair pulling.  Maybe she did as well.  Too vanilla to ask.  Inexperienced to what she wanted from a partner. 

“Do it again?” Selina tried not to sound desperate as Nikolai tore into the condom wrapper.  She almost presented herself to him as she felt the smooth surface on her cheek.

“What?” he was distracted.  There was a strange snap of latex as he adjusted it.  Then taunted Selina with the head of his cock.  He rubbed it along her slit, marveling at how easy it was to slide in. 

“Hitting me?” she asked timidly. 

“Why would I hit you?” Nikolai was offended.  His hand flat on Selina's back as it traveled to her neck and hair.  His fingers combed and intertwined with her dark waves then lightly tugged. 

Selina braced herself as he lost himself up to the hilt.  Nikolai's pelvis met her ass and pulled out to just the tip.  He repeated this until he gained friction.  Her head and hips were his anchor so he could thrust quicker. Their bodies make a clapping noise. 

“My ass.  Like you did.  Hit it.”  She was willing to try anything.  Wanted to cum for him.  She knew she could, she did it alone all the time.

“Really?” Nik was surprised.  His pace was even faster and the table started to creak under the motion.  “Did you like it then?” His hand cracked her flesh but only slightly harder than before.  

Selina cried out.  Her sex ached and was swollen.  Nikolai did it one more time, but she could tell it wasn't really his thing.  Sensed that it bothered him to be serious about erotic corporal punishment.  Playing was different.  His hand did tighten in her hair to bend her head back. 

“I don't know,” was all he mumbled in Russian.  

The hand that spanked Selina now encompassed her own on the table.  He bent to kiss her shoulder as he found his breakneck rhythm. 

“Then just go harder,” Selina found her voice now.  She relaxed and allowed her body to take how deeply he penetrated her.  His cock at that angle hitting a spot she found mythical. 

Nikolai railed into Selina.  The table and their bodies shook almost violently as he pounded into her.  His shaft lost until she felt a pressure in her womb.  He stood straight and clutched at the thick of her hips.  Her curves she inherited from her mother.  They cushioned her as his body and cock pleased her.  That spark and wave rolled over Selina like on the couch.  

They weren't quiet.  Both forgetting about neighbors as Selina mewled and screamed out. Nikolai growled and uttered obscenities in his first language.  They were certain this would be it, that Selina would orgasm and Nik would feel satisfied that he could please her.  

Instead, his body violently shuddered as he exploded inside the condom.  His muscles and adrenaline gave way to Nik almost collapsing on top of Selina.  He faltered prior to catching her up in his arms again.  He held her and whispered apologies to her as they kissed. 

“Kolya,” she whispered back.  “It's fine.  I was really close.  We have other times to  experiment.”  Selina swept his damp curls back. 

Nikolai leaned into her hand, “You want to keep being with me?” 

“That's what dating is,” she laughed under her breath. “I like being with you.  I wanna know more about YOU though.  Come on,” Selina took his hand.  “Let's actually go to bed and talk.”

---

Selina reached blindly for Nikolai after her alarm went off.  Sitting up, she slammed the clock and turned to see an empty space on the side of the bed he had fallen asleep on. 

She knew he wasn't obligated to be there when she woke up.  This time waking up alone left a weird knot in her stomach.  

“Fuck,” she tossed herself back and threw a pillow over her head to scream.  Her arms and legs failed around like a toddler throwing a fit. 

How long was enough before she called him?  Would he just disappear now? Klaus called it, funnily enough, ghosting.  Why did everything Nik say tread a weird line between romantic and calculating?  And why did Selina want him to keep saying things, anything at all, to her? 

How does someone know they're falling in love? How did Honey and Leon?  Klaus and Dave.  Allison and Ray.  Diego and Patch or Lila.  Vanya and Sissy.  Uncle Tom and Aunt Ella.  Poor Luther.

Selina’s family had a knack for impulsive behavior when it came to attraction.  Her mom moved to a foreign country with a man she had slept with for money.  Klaus fought in Vietnam for a closeted man that kissed him once. Sunny went home with, to Selina’s chagrin, anyone who showered him with the simplest of affection. And Selina had laid down and spread her legs for a Russian committing arson.  

“Lina you are awake?” Nikolai asked from the other room. 

She threw a bathrobe on and wandered into the kitchen.  “You came back.”

Nik was reaching above her tiny sink for coffee mugs and plates.  “Did you not want me to?”

He set the dishes out and opened a box to pull out some pastries and bagels.  Then poured coffee and handed Selina the cup. 

“I wasn’t sure what you liked,” he offered her the plate.  “Greek, Italian and Russian,” a satisfied grin flashed across his face.

“Well that was kind of you,” she smiled back and helped herself to a cannoli and Russian tea cookie.  “Yes, I wanted you to come back. I think I kinda always do?” she questioned her own intentions with a mouthful of pastry. 

Nik leaned over and kissed Selina.  His tongue darted out to taste the sweet ricotta filling on her lips; she reciprocated.  Her own slipping to the back of his mouth to catch him off guard. Nik steadied himself on her hips. 

There was a muddled sound of pleasure when Selina’s fingers unbuttoned Nikolai’s shirt in expert time.  Their mouths never separated as she went to work on his belt and pants as he struggled to take his boots off. 

“This was not my plan for this morning,” Nik breathed heavily in Russian. 

“I'm just really interested in us reaching that goal,” Selina helped him out of his clothes.  

Kissing again, they could feel their lips start to chap already as Selina began backing Nik into her room until he hit the foot of her bed.  As he leaned back, she climbed on his lap.  Her hands seized his cock and settled it in the folds of her sex.  Selina rolled her hips.

“What are you doing!?” Nikolai could only cry out. Astonished by the lack of a condom.  

“I'm sick of being the safe one,” she raised up on her knees so that she was above him.  Her hands on his face and neck as she snaked her tongue to the back of his teeth again.  

Selina shoved him back on the bed and threw off her robe.  She straddled Nikolai like a woman possessed, took his hands and placed them on her breasts as she rode him.  Still not penetrated.

Nik lost himself for a moment.  He massaged the breasts.  One hand teased a nipple, pinched it,  before sitting up to devour it.  Selina held him to her chest, clung to the hair on the back of his head and pulled in her excitement.  Her fingers found the gnarly scar and she rocked harder on his lap. 

“I want you to fuck me until I cum.” 

Nikolai looked up and held her back, “It is not fucking at this point.  Not for me, Lina.  Also you must not compromise your principles for anyone.  I do not want this for you.”  

Selina groaned with exasperation.  Her walls were swollen and slick and wanting.  “It's not a compromise, Nik.  Everyone jumps in my family and trusts they’ll fly while I stand on the cliff pacing back and forth.” 

He blinked, mouth just slightly agape.  That face.  Selina knew that face.  She loved that face.  She loved this face. “Lina, you are extraordinary.  You don't need to have a big life just yet.  It will happen.” 

“Kolya,” her words softer now as she relaxed, “I love you.”

“Do you?!” a dopey grin spread across Nikolai's face.  “It is the same for me I think?  I've never done this, you know.  “That I love you.”  

He kissed Selina before turning under her to rummage around the nightstand drawer. “Now we will go back to the way you prefer?  If I need to I will get..” he stopped and held something aloft.  Now his smile and dimples were devilish. 

He studied it before making it buzz with a push of a button.  “Pocket Rocket?! Lina, are you secretly naughty?" he giggled. 

"I don't think it's a secret to you anymore,” she reached for it.  Her cheeks turned red. 

"Who do you fantasize about when you use it?" Nikolai held it to Selina’s breasts.  He watched with fascination as her nipples hardened.  He let it travel over her stomach and back up. 

Selina moaned and twisted. "You're just trying to get me to say you, but I've had it since I turned twenty.  So mostly you know.. Keanu Reeves..”  

“But not me?" his eyebrow cocked.  Nikolai traced the vibrator along her hips and over her pelvic bone.  

"Once in a while,” her words came out breathless.

"As a Russian, I'm already superior at using it because rocket?” he waggled his brows now.  “We can now?  With you on top?”

The toy found her slit and slid inside easily.  It buzzed and made the air rush out of Selina’s lungs.  She dug her nails into Nikolai's chest while he started to use the vibrator to have sex with her.  Found a pattern of in and out while she bucked and writhed.  

Selina reached back to anchor herself on one of Nik’s thighs. It allowed him better access to her clit.  He Marveled at the way she agonized under his hand as it manipulated her.  His free hand on her ass to coax her faster as SHE undulated now as he had done on the couch.  Her hips danced separately from her upper half.

Nikolai rolled Selina on her back all of a sudden.  Her hair hung off the bed as he propped up on an elbow.  He worked the vibrator in circles.  In and out of her slick walls before going after the clit.  

Selina got tangled up in the sheets as she felt a warmth spread from her stomach to her sex.  Her thighs started to tighten around Nik's hand as she thrust her hips off the bed.  Eyes clamped shut as the first wave washed over her body.  Neck exposed for him to suck and bite which urged another orgasm to burn through her.  

Nikolai was stunned by her silence.  Selina’s mouth opened in a silent cry as she came a third time in succession.  This last time she managed a strangled scream of his name which he swallowed with a kiss.  

A shiver ran through Selina while she relaxed.  Her fingers traced patterns along Nikolai's bicep as her eyes closed.  Cumming was like a sedative.  Nikolai cupping her face and drawing it to his for a lazy kiss was a sedative.  The rain she had no idea was pouring in buckets outside her window was also a sedative.  

The vibrator continued buzzing until it didn't.  The room grew quiet save for the breaths that came from Nik’s nose.  Still heavy with his still hardened bulge pressed into Selina’s hip.  There was no move to get on top of her.  To have sex with her so he, too, could cum.  She started to idly jerk him off. 

“Lina stop,” he gently took her hand.  “This was about you, not me.  It'll go away eventually.  Like I will,” he said that last bit with a challenge in his voice.  

Selina curled on her side towards Nikolai.  “Or maybe don't go?” 

“Ty khochesh', chtoby ya ostalsya?” You want me to stay?

“Po krayney mere, yeshche odno polnoluniye.”

At least one more full moon.

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