#this past month’s been literal hell for various reasons

[bravemikhailo]

hi there! I miss your writing, hope you're doing well <3

hi hi 🧡 I miss writing too, so much! I wish I could manage to write anything right now, literally anything, but my brains still saying no 🫠

[raainberry]

Moonflower

« In literature, the moonflower has been used as a symbol of love, mystery, and enchantment. »

Sana x gn!reader

Not fluff, not angst, but a secret third thing

synopsis - your job is flowers. she’s not sure how she got into this mess. but maybe you could get her out of it.

- part.II - part.III -

wordcount - 1.6K

TW - like one (1) soft cuss word

A/N - Made a draft, let it marinate for a few days, came back, changed directions completely and VOILÀ. I might get a little silly and make a pt.2 bc there’s leftover drafts🤭

Getting married at twenty-two was not in her plans.

Getting her needs and wishes overlooked in the process was not something she imagined either.

Yet there she was…

“We’re here!”

The volume of that voice startled her. She’d grown to hate the sound of it too.

“You’re gonna love it! The flowers are so beautiful and smell amazing. It’s like they pick them every morning.”

Sana watched as her soon to be mother-in-law left the driver’s seat. The much older woman slammed the door behind herself, leaving her in a silence she craved for ever since that same morning.

However, it wasn’t long until she heard that voice piercing through the windshield.

“Come on, what are you waiting for!”

Sana sighed, quickly gathering herself and putting on that fake smile she’d carefully crafted over the last few months.

She couldn’t remember the last time her smile had been genuine. One that conveyed how happy she felt, like whenever she’d meet up with loved-ones, get one of her sugary drinks no one liked but her, or simply listened to music.

Mundanities like these used to be enough. Now it was all a luxury she couldn’t seem to afford.

It felt like forever since she’d last enjoyed something as simple. Since she last enjoyed something.

Everything was a chore nowadays. Just chores she could only do with her fiancé and/or future in-laws.

Each time, each day she had to see them somehow meant adding a new detail to worry about in a wedding that felt less and less hers as time went on. A new box to tick in a checklist she had no desire to even start in the first place, much less partake in.

She barely knew how it had gotten to this point.

She felt as though she was drowning, yet had no idea how she’d even landed in the water.

The last few months were a blur. Everything went so fast.

One second she was graduating college. The next she was engaged to her year long partner.

Literally.

The man had proposed at her graduation party.

She blamed it all on the moment’s euphoria. That’s what made her say yes. It had to be. It was the only reasonable explanation as to why and how she would agree to such a mess.

Now the bliss was long gone.

“White roses are really pretty, aren’t they?”

Your voice startled her out of her thoughts, causing her lips to turn into that fake smile again.

It was impressive how quick she could switch up. That skill she picked up managed to fool more than a few people in the midst of this hell hole.

“I got proposed to with them.” She blurted out, her eyes stuck on the flowers proudly exposed in front of her.

It was almost robotic. Like a pre-loaded answer.

That didn’t go past your ears. You could tell her voice lacked a certain emotion that you were used to hearing in this workfield.

“Oh. Then would you consider them as an option?”

The woman finally looked at you, taking notice of your uniform and name tag. She looked confused, and a faint redness appeared on her cheeks, giving away something she’d rather keep to herself.

Now she regretted the words that slipped out of her daydream.

After taking a glance at you, she would have preferred to keep you clueless about her engagement…

“For your wedding.” You precised, breaking the silence that had settled.

“Right.” She sighed. “I don’t know.”

“I see. Maybe something similar?”

You went on to show her and tell her all about a bunch of flowers that looked like this damn white rose. It didn’t go so far as making her smile again, but she enjoyed hearing about the various pretty plants surrounding her.

It took her mind off what she really was there for.

Until she was reminded again.

“Sana! Have you seen these? So pretty!”

The brunette glanced over to the other side of the shop, seeing the older woman holding what seemed to be a bouquet of bright, orange flowers.

She couldn’t contain the disdain she felt at the sight.

You caught her features tense up for a split second, completely understanding her reaction. It was hard to hold your laughter back, but you pushed through in order to keep the palpable tension between the two from exploding.

Sure, the flowers were pretty, but they were far from a good choice considering the kind of event you were being sollicited for.

“They are, but something a little more delicate would be more suited.” You said, attempting to save the poor bride-to-be by your side. “I’m actually showing Ms. Sana a few options here if you’d like to join us.”

You’ve dealt with a few mothers and in-laws before, you knew how to handle the more hands-on ones.

You always made sure to put the brides and grooms’ tastes first, earning you more than one scolding. You couldn’t care less, though, all you wanted was for your customers to have a pretty bouquet to their liking and a smile when exiting your shop.

“I’ll just look around on the side.” The older woman turned her back to the two of you, to the brunette’s delight.

“What’s your favorite flower?”

You looked back at her, catching a determined gaze with your own. It was certainly different than the detached, almost absent one from a minute prior.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I’m open to any suggestions. Who knows, maybe I’ll get to like at least one thing about all this.” She scoffed, bringing a peony to her nose.

Now, you’d sensed the fact that this wedding planning was being done under some tension. The patterns never lied, but you still found yourself surprised at her words.

It seemed to be worse than you thought.

“Do you not have one?”

Her voice snapped you back to reality. You must have been silent for a while.

“Sorry. I was just thinking.” You mumbled. “But to answer your question, I do have one. I like moonflowers.”

“Moonflowers…” She repeated under her breath. “It sounds pretty.”

“They look pretty too.” You smiled. “Would you like to see them?”

“Do you have some?” She asked, curious.

“Of course. It’s the main reason I work here.” You smiled, leading her to your favorite flowers.

Her face lit up at the sight of them. Her features suddenly looked much softer, her eyes a little brighter, and her smile… It was small, barely noticeable if you didn’t focus on her lips.

Yes, you were staring at her lips, but could you really be blamed? She was beautiful. Everyone stares at beautiful things. You were no different, and she wasn’t either.

She was staring too, only at the flowers.

You cleared your throat, suddenly remembering what you were being paid for, and resumed your job.

“We only have a few of them, but they’re beautiful.” You said, filling the silence between the two of you.

“Why do you prefer these?” She asked, tracing a few petals delicately.

“It’s a long story.”

“I have a lot of time.” She glanced at you, her eyes letting you know you’d better start telling her that story.

You weren’t sure where that attitude was coming from.

She seemed so hopeless when she stepped in behind that in-law of hers. You expected to deal with another worn out bride, bracing yourself for about an hour of work to turn that frown upside down.

Nothing had warned you about this rebellious trait she seemed to have.

You were curious now. Surely, if she wanted to put an end to this, it looked like she could…

So why was she here?

“Why are you getting married?”

Maybe a little too forward, you thought, wincing at your own words.

The motion of her fingers against the flowers came to a halt.

“What?”

Her eyes were back on you, and you felt your heart pick up the pace. You racked through your brain, searching for an excuse to cover your unprofessional slip-up, all while trying to decipher the way she looked at you.

“I ask this question to all my customers in order to get them the best flowers.” You lied, pulling your best customer service smile. “I’m not trying to sabotage your wedding, don’t worry.”

“Do you actually?” She asked, completely switching her focus onto you.

“Yes.” You lied again. “I’m not asking for details. Just a few adjectives will do.”

Sure you felt a little bad about it, but in all honesty, you were more impressed by the fact that you managed to keep it together and not stutter once.

That woman had one intense gaze.

“Well…” She trailed off.

She was hesitant, looking for words you could already tell would be lies.

It made you frown internally while you feigned patience in front of her.

Maybe the attitude was a façade.

“Because I was asked to.”

Or maybe not.

You weren’t sure of anything regarding this woman and her situation anymore. That was one good lesson of never judging a book by its cover, or something along those lines.

“I see.” You nodded, looking down at the ground.

It was a lie again, but in your defense, you didn’t know what else to say this time around.

“Have you ever actually sabotaged a wedding?”

Your eyes darted back to her. Your obvious surprise amused her, and she let you know with a laugh as soft as her smile.

You felt something in your chest. A sudden drop in temperature as her laugh sent chills down your spine, only for it to rise again along with your heart rate.

It was odd. Something about her was odd. It seemed as though she was hiding something, and your body debated on whether or not it wanted to be around to find out what.

And all you could do was watch, feel, and respond when needed.

“No.”

You opted for the truth this time. You didn’t expect much to come out of it, but it seemed to please her.

Her smile appeared again. It was a little wider than before. More confident.

You ignored its effects, but you couldn’t ignore the beauty of the sight before you.

It was all you could focus on, forgetting about your surroundings and their own beauty once again.

It was blinding.

Enough for you to agree to anything that might come out those perfect lips.

She knew all about that.

She’s been told all her life.

And she loved to take advantage of it.

“Do you want to?”

[shorthaltsjester]

maybe i’ll write something longer about this at some point but the choice that bell’s hells made in terms of which activity to do first i feel like actually illuminates some of the party’s issues and is why (particularly their truths) it seems like parts of the activities might just exacerbate their issues. like in particular the choice to do honesty before communication because honesty is required for communication is an interesting choice. like on the one hand i understand the logical steps and reasons they have for that, but on the other where imogen just took of her circlet in demand of honesty without insisting on communication as well and where orym had a conversation with ashton insisting that ashton know the group truly cares for him but also incidentally implying that ashton shouldn’t communicate the extent of whatever demons he’s fighting because it will get in the way of the fight on the horizon… i think perhaps communication is the first step for this group.

because the group has honesty, very recent events aside — and even the ashton and fearne lying thing was Very very short term — what they don’t do is communicate around that honesty. imogen in particular is immensely honest but often expresses it in ways i wouldn’t consider communicating in any beneficial sense, which i think also tracks for how willing she was to be honest. the problem for the group tends to come in that there are various degrees of willingness to communicate and several different modes of communication that they’re trying to use that aren’t cogent with the group actually communicating as a group.

and this isn’t malicious or ‘fault’ of any one member in a pejorative sense — the ones i think tend to be the ones who make it hardest for the group to combine honesty and communication have very understandable reasons for the forms of communication they lean towards. imogen’s bluntness because of her association of thought with character given her access to peoples thoughts as much as the expression of them, fcg’s similar but not identical habit of taking in everyone’s emotions and suggesting solutions but not actually really having conversations around those experiences/emotions (tho this is changing), fearne’s reluctance to express any discontent or fear about what’s happening in the group but willingness to lie to avoid those fears, orym’s tendency for simply pushing through problems due to his own experience with grief (which as other users on here have aptly explained is not a good emotional solution for many things other than grief). so while they all have rationales for the communication/willingness towards honesty they posses, it’s definitely still the responsibility of all of them to find ways to communicate that allow them to work as a group.

obviously i cannot predict the future and i don’t like doing serious predictions about the show in anyway because a) i think it’s useless and boring but b) literally anything can happen. that said, i do think that the honesty challenge As The First challenge might’ve had the effect of just being the exact same thing the hells have been doing for the past 3(?) in game months. which, the rapidity of everyone’s confessions paired with the other two challenges and the recent Heightening of the Circumstances will hopefully mean that they deal with it some way - whether that’s resolving problems or further party fracturing i’m excited to see.

[system-vent]

one of the nastiest nastiest feelings is taking our shirt off and its not even because the body is human and afab and im a tabaxi tiger and amab, i have accepted that and i can look past it. i can cope with that, it doesnt bother me or any hosts or ex-hosts. what bothers me is the scars on our arm that come from a very harmful frequent fonter we had because i KNOW that the scars from him were preventable. i know we couldve stopped him. why the hell didnt we stop him from doing any of that? if we had known he had bad intentions and was doing all those bad things on purpose we wouldnt have let him front but he kept saying he was trying, he would be better, hes just anxious, hes depressed, he has bpd. so do the rest of us the body has those disorders you dont see me causing half the shit he did?? i hate him.

seperate rant/ramble: as i was typing this i heard either coyotes screaming outside, or i had an auditory hallucination. i hate this body and it's schizophrenia for a multitude of reasons which sends me on a new tangent ☝️🤓 i hate having schizophrenia because its often misdiagnosed as did (/srs) and we go "ohhh but maybe im faaaaking" i can garuntee you that the disassociative amnesia regarding our childhood may be a sign! and the very obvious shifts of personality, and also earlier today i had a fleeting thought that was something i wouldnt think and i thought it in the voice of one of my headmates. lo and behold he fronted without my noticing and neither of us know how long he was in front for.

on another note i hate hate hate having to self disgnose. our mother gets aggravated and has a borderline mental breakdown every single time one of us asks her why she thinks we are not autistic because to us and to other people with autism it is BLINDINGLY obvious, just as an example of why we need to self disgnose this much. schizophrenia, adhd, depression, anxiety, and various physical issues are all things we have been diagnosed with. we suspect autism, bpd, aspd, did, and dyslexia. we did not think about any of these disorders or about having them, and we knew nothing about them until friends with said disorders would talk about their experiences and vent about it and we went "oh no... oh no..." and then we had to go do vast amounts of research into them and overlapping disorders and just. so much research. and the autism part takes EVERYTHING literally and at face value so very often we will go "oh this cant be us! we dont have every single symptom!" and it is, in fact, us. we also fakeclaim ourselves when we hear stories about how bad these disorders can be and ours is never that bad. its bad enough to actually genuinely impact our life more often than not and the symptoms are very distressing when we notice them, but they arent as bad as they could be which to a lot of my headmates makes it very obvious that we do not have the disorders we very much do. it causes a lot of denial towards ourselves, we had looked into dyslexia and joking about having it for months but we never flat out said we have dyslexia until one of our managers straight up told someone "yeah we're dyslexic this losers are just in denial because we can send messages that are coherent. they think we are not dyslexic because we go back and correct any typos? doesnt make sense to me. the typos are still made, and we still miss a lot of words we need to correct very often. oh yes im aware theyre idiots." sometimes fakeclaimer logic is just so broken. we also have a lot of alters that have dyslexia in source memories and whenever they fromt our typing gets much worse which obviously means we don't actually have dyslexia OR did! /sarc. DID truely stands for dumb idiot disorder because i could spend a week listing times when our symptoms for all our disorders were very very prominant.

.

[nightmarewing]

I've told everyone who needed to be told privately, and we've started disseminating it a bit more widely, so I'll say it here: I'm getting married next month, tentatively January the 9th, and then, if all goes well and the visa gets approved- I will be moving to England in as soon as a few months.

This was supposed to happen probably more like the end of next year, but the UK government screwed us and countless others over by planning to raise the sponsor's minimum income for family visas from £18.6k a year to £38.7k. In... spring of 2024. They announced this the literal day that we made our plans for the next year.

There is no other schedule we can work on besides "do it right now" and still get this particular shot at a life together. There are various reasons we want it to be the UK, but chief among them is- he's actually happy there right now, with his job and his every day life. It's been wonderful seeing him come out of a rough time and start to really flourish. I want him to be able to keep doing that right where he is.

On the flip side, I've been... straight up miserable lately. Y'all know how my job has gone in the past few years. I badly need a change. It didn't need to be this extreme or this soon, but then again- why the hell not? I've never had something in my life that I wanted badly or needed to fight for. I've never felt enabled to make choices and take risks for the sake of my own happiness. I spent the first three decades of my life living in survival mode.

So it's not how we wanted or how we originally planned, and it's going to be an incredibly strange and overwhelming time for a good long while, but right now? I'm really starting to feel like I can be excited about this. Like I can be happy. I'll do whatever I have to to get this chance at a life with someone so infinitely precious to me.

[yuribeam]

hey hello, sorry if this will be rude but wow your last post dude

hrt is NOT "like trying antidepressants" holy shit why are you spreading such an innacurate information

every hormonal medication doing fucked up shit, like don't you hear about all problems that cis women obtain after using oral contraception, for example? all health problems that tgirls get?

hrt is not like hell yeah give a shot and then just stop using it if it won't fit, nothing serious will get you i promise ;)

sorry again but as a trans on hrt MYSELF i'm a little confused by this attitude

my comparison to antidepressants was not in a literal medical sense. I meant HRT should be destigmatized and considered neutrally as a potential tool you can use that may or may not improve your health.

I very clearly say you should be fully informed of the risks.

I am not saying there are no permanent changes, I am saying you will not be immediately and completely transformed overnight like a werewolf and you can stop taking the medication at any point, assuming your hormone-producing bits have not been surgically removed. Obviously some changes can come quickly and it varies person to person. Obviously some changes can stick after you go off it. See again, informed of the risks.

I am on hormonal medication myself. I am aware of its physical and mental effects. I have tried dozens of other medications too. I have been fucked up by various meds in the past, including some long term side effects. I am disabled with complex medical problems, so believe me, I am familiar. However, in every case I weighed the risks and decided with my doctors to try them because I killed the gatekeeper of earning through suffering in my head and gave myself permission to try.

There's a huge transphobic narrative that HRT is unlike any other medication and should not follow that same process of informed consent, and that trans people should wait years and years agonizing lest they mutilate their bodies, and the sentiment of that post was intended to counter the internalization of that which causes many trans people to suffer for years thinking they're not trans enough to try medication, which most people picked up on.

It was not to give medical information on how HRT works, just to say that it is a process you can have some level of control over.

HRT very obviously has risks. I think everyone is well aware of that. Changes can obviously be permanent, but by and large they are gradual changes, not flipping a magical sex change switch.

I am not encouraging people to go try HRT for kicks and giggles without knowing the risks. I'm emphasizing that it's a personal decision that they should be empowered to make just like any other healthcare decision.

It takes years for a puberty to "complete." You know how people complain it's been months or years and they've barely seen any changes or still don't "pass" Going off low dose HRT after a few weeks or months most often doesn't mean you're forever gonna look like a man or a woman now, or that you can never try it again (in the case of informed consent access).

At a certain point, HRT kinda is just give it a shot and see if it fits. Not give it a shot if it passed your mind once or as a first step in exploring your gender, no one is saying that, but if you've been agonizing over whether you're allowed to try it, you should give yourself permission to explore the option. You have to pull the trigger eventually, which is what I'm saying, not to fire blindly. There will always be a degree of uncertainty with any medication until you see how it works for you and your body.

If it's something you want, you are informed of the risks and have accepted that your mileage may vary, and preferably have medical supervision for safety reasons (although I recognize that is a privilege for trans people in many places) you should give yourself permission to try it.

[mjm5655]

MAJIMA & SMOKING HC

since this pops up enough in roleplays, i'm going to get specific on how much of a smoker this man is.

majima has a preferred brand of cigarettes, he personally purchases hi-lite cigarettes. they have a sweet flavour to them, but are quite strong. he will take cigarettes of other brands offered to him as he doesn't refuse the cabin one that sagawa offers him, but this could be because it's considered rude to refuse a cigarette offered ( just like how it is rude to refuse at least the first glass of alcohol ), as much as he hates sagawa, he remains civil with him in this cutscene.

majima easily can go through a pack, & more per day. he is a heavy smoker, he smokes when he's chilling, smokes when he's stressed/angry, smokes when he's being social, smokes when he's fighting, smokes when he's fucking ... pretty much this guy can nearly always be smoking.

even know the legal age in japan is 20 for smoking, majima picked the habit up when he was 14 years of age. this is around the time he starts to run about in a biker gang. he would have got into it via peers of these gangs, & has been hooked since.

he has no plans in quitting ever. he knows it's bad for his health, but he doesn't really care. majima didn't originally see himself living to his current age ( 58/soon 59 ), anywhere near it in fact, as he was willing to die for his boss in the 1985 hit at age 20. he knew if he was part of that hit, it would have seen him behind bars for life, & possibly executed.

he typically has no issue smoking in or outside. in 5, he's seen smoking within a restaurant whilst eating, as in japan, smoking inside is still allowed in various businesses. he smokes within his apartment in 0, but makes sure to open the window. he's seen various times smoking outside, mostly around west park, & his idle animation in 0 is him taking out a cigarette, lighting it really quickly, & smoking it wherever. if he has a child, or children are around, he does have some decency to not smoke around them, & definitely goes outdoors to smoke within his home.

the hole was torture enough, but it was even more torture for majima as he started to suffer nicotine withdrawal. though, the symptoms weren't seen that easily here as he was also being tortured, so he had other reasons for a lot of the symptoms involved with withdrawal too, but he really did miss cigarettes here, what made matters worse for him is men that came in to torture him smoked away, & he had to see that. as soon as majima got out, & was able to get some money to his name again, he immediately brought himself cigarettes ; sagawa would have also offered him one every so often, which majima would have taken, no question.

the next times he experiences withdrawal are times when he's arrested, & is in jail. the first time he lands into jail isn't so bad, but the second time, he's in there for several months, & it is literal hell for him, he gets angered, frustrated, & irritated by things that usually didn't have that kind of effect on him, his depression also deepens ( majima suffers depression because of events in his past, & having poor coping methods, he does not have any medication ). there are ways he can get cigarettes, but it's not enough for majima's habit. like when he got out of the hole, one of the first things he does when he gets out is buying himself a packet of cigarettes.

[heredis-sanguinis]

𝘒𝘕𝘖𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘗𝘈𝘙𝘛𝘕𝘌𝘙 𝘞𝘌𝘓𝘓 𝘊𝘈𝘕 𝘗𝘖𝘛𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘐𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠 𝘔𝘈𝘒𝘌 𝘞𝘙𝘐𝘛𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘛𝘖𝘎𝘌𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙 𝘈 𝘓𝘖𝘛 𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘐𝘌𝘙.

Name: Cella

Pronouns: She/Her

Preference of communication: I prefer Discord. Tumblr's IM system is spotty as hell and most of the times does not update for me. Especially on mobile, which is where I'm at most of my days, because of my work schedule being all over the place. I'm willing to exchange Discord handles if people ask for it.

Name of muse(s): Active: Vladimir, Vayne (In process of re-making blog theme and sorting out archives) Inactive: Kalista, Karthus, Thresh, Illaoi, Swain, Veigar, Scarlet (LoL OC), Emperor Mateus (FFII), WoL (FFXIV OC), Erza Scarlet (Fairy Tail)

Experience / How long (Months/Years?): Oh man, I lost track of that stuff. I've been in the League rpc since before the lore reboot, back when we still had summoners and the Institute of War and the single circular-like continent. And before that I've been in other fandoms. I'd say, including ttrpg rping I've been at this game for over 20 years now (yes I am OLD) I've used Tumblr, Skype, Discord, MSN Messenger, PlayByWeb among others as mediums.

Best experience: I can go over the various specific threads and interactions that are close to my heart. But I really think that the lasting friendships I've build with past and present partners to be my best experiences. To meet so many different flavours of people, with their own lives and interests and stories, and become a part of their life (and vice versa) is what matters more to me than whatever rp-ing does.

RP pet peeves / dealbreakers: I'd like to think that I'm fairly easy-going as a writing partner. But, like anyone, I do have some lines I do not cross. Aged-up canon muses are a big no-no for me. I've had horrible and unpleasant experiences both personally and in fandoms with those. i.e. Annie is a child and someone rp-ing a young adult version of her just creeps me out, because obvious reasons are obvious. I adhere very strictly to the canon ages of canon characters, especially since Riot gave us an actual timeline to work with, or at least moderately accurately deduct dates with.

As far as pet peeves there is actually only one I can think of right now, my muses not being taken seriously and being ridiculed and made silly or memed at. This has happened to Vlad a few times and I just hard-pull the plug on interactions if it happens. He's a 1500+ year old homicidal tactical-thinking bloodmage, who is bored out of his mind most of the time. The fact he may crack a joke or two, or act aloof at times, does not mean he will not turn your muse inside out when insulted. This does not mean, in any way, he is unavailable for more casual interactions, but there is a very fine line between casual talk dare I say banter and downright memeing on him, and pushing him around. Luckily this has not happened in a long while, but it is something I can be sensitive on.

Muse preferences fluff, angst or smut: Angst > fluff > smut; though it can change depending on vibe and muses. Smut is something I rarely post publicly or write with someone else. I become extremely self-aware of my writing and over-analyse each and every word to the point it can take literal weeks until I come up with a reply that I do not want to gouge my eyes out at. Angst works wonders for my singular brain cell that thrives on it. Fluff is something that does not often happen, especially with my selection of muses. But it can be nice every once in a while.

Plots of memes: I can work with both. I don't mind plotting at all, but I prefer to not plot every little step out of an interaction between two muses. I like to be surprised by a partner's muse's reaction or response. And it feels a lot more natural, because there is always a certain level of compromises when it comes to plotting. Memes are a perfect ice-breaker as opposed to a first-meeting interaction (because let's face it, those can be pretty boring if it falls down to 'hi my name is x, who are you?') It makes us writers think out of the box slightly to have our dumbass children play together.

Long or short replies: It depends on the setting for the interaction. But I try to at least go for several paragraphs to give my partner something to work with and also offer development for both muses and give insight into mine's thoughts and actions. I'll never expect to be matched in length and will never fault someone for this either.

Best time to write: Since I work in three different shifts, which alternates per week, my activity hours shift a lot. So my 'best time' to write also changes. It mainly depends on a mood to write, especially with a manchild like Vlad as a muse.

Are you like your muse(s)?: Somewhat? I share some interests and personality qualities with my muses, for sure. But I wouldn't say I am a lot like them per se.

Tagged by: @blackrosesmatron Tagging: Anyone that hasn't done this yet and wants to do it. Consider yourself tagged!

[theremina]

I fully expect to get shouted at for saying this. I still think it’s worth saying. ❤️‍🩹

The amount of reasonably well-off white people I’ve observed losing their entire shit over crappy AI theft these past couple months is… well, it’s completely understandable, of course.

But let’s unpack the fervor pragmatically.

As a classically trained full-time professional musician who has been honing their own craft since early childhood, and as someone who is used to being taken for granted, undervalued, even exploited, by folks who literally have no idea how much work and expense goes into doing what I do, I keenly relate to frustrations concerning algorithmic AI theft.

That being said, never have I ever observed a single one of the most reactive, aggressively angry white professional artmaking chums lashing out blindly over this problem come anywhere close to the same level of agitation regarding far more brutal atrocities: systemic racism/sexism/transphobia/homophobia, the climate crisis, Roe being overturned, anti-science / antivax rhetoric, etc. Yanno, shit that’s literally, directly killing people and the planet.

Some of the same dudes screaming “unfriend me if you’re going to post that garbage, and btw FUCK YOU” at the world right now are the same men who’ve opined in the past that I shouldn’t “get so worked up” over various systemically violent, directly life-threatening issues faced by millions, even billions of us.

Listen, I’m not saying artists don’t deserve to be concerned or upset. I don’t use any art generating AI myself, in large part bc I’ve seen how much needless pain and stress it’s causing a lot of my loved ones. For me, personally, it’s not remotely worth it.

That said, a lot of the same white, predominantly male artists we’re all watching yell at Cloud right now use Spotify, right? No judgement. I do, too! And a lot of you enjoy music with synths or samples that reproduce piano or string or drum or horn or choral vocal sounds? And you’ve probably watched a bootlegged television show or two in your day, yeah? Or resorted to 12 foot dot io?

Meanwhile, you’re out here literally damning random non-artists to hell for making corny-ass AI selfies? That’s the hill you’ve decided you wanna die on? Okay…

OR! Or, hear me out, what if you allowed your personal frustration over this issue to radicalize you less selectively? Mebbe? Could ya try showing up with a fraction of this passion to support reparations for Black Americans, or the safe and legal reproductive rights for half the population, or combating climate crisis, or disability rights, or universal income, orororrr, etc?

Look, I dunno. We live in an abattoir. Times are only getting tougher. Maybe before you decide to have another Totally Normal One that involves howling directly in the faces of disabled and low-income folks who aren’t in the fine arts or commercial arts industry and probably can’t afford a boardwalk caricature right now, let alone a $1K commission for you, you could try hitting the pause button, take several deep breaths and ask yourself: “am I picking healthy battles?”

(This is the exact same advice I try to give myself every single time I get worked up about something that isn’t literally life-threatening. I do not always succeed, of course. My shit stinks, too!)

Butt. Maybe next time you observe a friend getting excited prompting images for their own personal pleasure by using AI, consider restraining yourself from calling them a “lazy thieving scumbag”? Remember, not everyone can afford decades of training and school. How is your Facebook buddy who’s happily making endless Beksinski/Moebius/Ryden-derivative computer doodles for their own personal satisfaction managing to trigger your biggest, scariest threat response?

There gotta be some middleground between “woo this AI fad is fun and harmless” and “my barista friend sharing Meitu-lookin cybercosmonaut selfies on IG is stealing food directly out of my family’s mouth” worth exploring.

Sincerely, I get why folks are upset. But maybe don’t bring a nuke to a knife fight.

I promise you, this is a lesson I have personally learned the hard way. Maybe it doesn’t have to be so hard for you? Or —and this is my main concern, tbh— so hard on people who don’t deserve to be your punching bag.

I dunno. I’m just a bit shocked at how emotional some of you are able to get about this specific issue when your chosen line of work is largely run by rapists and racists and robber barrons. (Oh my!)

[toymittens]

JSAB PROTAGONIST HEADCANONS

LONG POST TIME

I have definitely not been obsessing over these freaks for the past month

PLAYER 1 | Pixel Rapids, he/him

-speedy

-very short (to be fair they're all short)

-extroverted yet can't socialise properly, keeps making other people upset by accident

-doesn't understand it when others act based on emotion, can't feel empathy but tries to make others feel listened to (he still likes people, dammit). doesn't understand his own feelings very well, which can lead him towards rash or sometimes morally questionable choices

-threw a catboy three times his size off his own tower

-comes off as a jerk when trying to be nice to people

-envies Pent's high empathy and wishes to understand his own feelings the way Pent does to his own

-when neither are stressed (Tri's stress causes Pixel to deflect with humour, making Tri angry) Tri and Pixel get along exceptionally well. they both like to find outlandish solutions to various problems

-he enjoys Tangent's presence, and admires her bravery. he wants to be like her one day

PLAYER 2 | Trig Hayu (goes by Tri), he/him

WHY IS THERE NO YELLOW TEXT

-a recluse, lives in the Volcano (he's not the same person as Barracuda)

-helped Pixel and Tangent fend off Barracuda, led them out of the caves

-Lycanthropy's roommate (before the game)

-tries to have a calm, collected exterior but just ends up looking and sounding stressed all the time

-sleep deprived for lore reasons

-jokes during tense situations easily rile him up, which has lead to him snapping at an apologetic Pixel a few times

-under stress, Tri focuses on finding an original solution to his problems, not trusting any preexisting information. this can cause him to get extreme tunnel vision and miss obvious answers

-has (wrongfully) accused Pent of murder

-has (rightfully) accused Pixel of attempted murder

-disheveled little conspiracy theorist

PLAYER 3 | Pent Oerca, he/they

-catboy energy

-severe trust issues

-uses his speed to run from literally all his problems and responsibilities

-used to be a thief (Paradise Isle usually has great programs for getting shapes a home and job, but most services aren't provided to dangerous international criminals in order to maintain peaceful relations with the other country)

-has been accused of murder multiple times, once causing them to flee their home country

-trying to kill Pixel in the factory when they met did not help their case

-HIGHLY empathetic, also tends to use emotions in his logic to make decisions. has a stong moral compass and ideals, in contrast to Pixel who struggles

-he likes Pixel. would die for him probably. he helps Pixel understand his emotions

-displays emotion openly, and often looks worried or like a lost child

-listens to Tri and makes him feel as though his feelings have been validated

-likes to draw and trade art with Tangent

PLAYER 4 | Tangent Cosi, she/her

-the most mentally stable in the group by a lot

-uses some emotion in her logic, but is also very grounded in reality in contrast to Pent, often stuck in his own head

-grew up in Paradise Isle (at least she thinks so. there are no records of her and she has amnesia)

-very in tune with other shapes' feelings, often putting her own aside to comfort others

-is the reason the group is even functional

-possibly eldritch??? idk man

-gets along with Tri, they communicate well and she calms him down when he's panicking, helping him see the bigger picture

-protective of the group and, by extension, all of Paradise Isle. was the first to confront Blixer and try to fight him. she's very cool

-rambles a LOT, frustrating the hell out of Pent and Tri

-likes to paint, does art with Pent

-spends a lot of time explaining the emotional meaning of both their works to Pixel, all of them enjoy this

Will be tagged under Beat!au for lore reasons

[queencvbra]

okay I'm gonna talk about That Scene (the Tory & Sam fight that ended with her leaving). and I'm gonna be potentially ranty bc I have been thinking about this A Lot over the past few months and idr if I've said anything about it before on the dash. but I have so, so many problems with that scene and the argument the writers are trying to make here.

listen. I love Johnny to death okay? But he was wrong as hell about letting Tory fight, from every angle. I get the writers wanted the approach of "fighting through the pain" but this? This was not that. It was another form of Cobra Kai's whole "channel your anger and make it your power" thing which is just unhealthy. It has a historical basis, too; the whole idea of Cobra Kai since the first Karate Kid movie is that it is a western corruption of the traditional values of karate, and the most direct display of that is the fact that Cobra Kai karate is NOT karate at all, it's Tang Soo Do, and it was just called karate because karate was a marketable term in that time period, no respect given to the actual art other than how it could be turned into profit.

It's all based on an old mindset that largely cropped in the martial arts scene after western militaries (largely the United States) started incorporating various east asian martial arts techniques into their military training. That part of the show where they have Kreese learn Tang Soo Do while stationed in Korea is somewhat accurate (minus the dramatic special ops shit obviously), and my own family has actual experience with this, as this is actually how my uncle's father learned Taekwondo in the first place; he was stationed in Korea during the Vietnam war and taught martial arts. In a lot of cases these "hardass" (sarcastic) military guys would come home and take that "karate" and completely commercialize it, stripping away all of the actual ideology behind it to replace it with western militaristic ideals. Which of course fostered extremely toxic environments when the point of these martial arts was always supposed to be balance and discipline, not just an outlet to beat the shit out of people when you're angry, and that's why that mentality is present and still exists to this day, because it became *that* prevalent. This is literally the basis of Cobra Kai and part of the writers' thesis in this show was supposed to be deconstructing that, yet it seems they keep backpedaling and making it seem "cool" when they need it to be because it appeals to a certain demographic.

And yes, this stuff being in the show and reflected in a positive way DOES affect what people will do in real life, and there is empirical evidence to support that. Seeing martial arts on screen is enough to inspire people. There was a spike in the popularity of martial arts after the original Karate Kid movies. There was a spike in popularity after Bruce Lee became a star in the west. There is currently a spike now because of things like Cobra Kai and the UFC becoming so popular. But not everyone comes in with a healthy, learning mindset, and that happens a lot more when the *unhealthy* mindset is advertised and encouraged on screen instead of challenged. My uncle has kicked students out before because it was easy to tell that all they wanted to do was beat people up and try to mimic their favorite MMA stars. I think Stingray is genuinely the perfect caricature of that phenomenon irl and the writers really cooked when they wrote him, because there really are people who act like that, who want to learn martial arts to feel "cool" and "powerful" for all the wrong reasons.

And I think, from the standpoint of the writing itself, it's a detriment and unfair to Johnny's character that even after all this time, he still hasn't unlearned this mindset and is actively advocating for it when the whole point over the course of this show was supposed to be showing that this is a horrible and unhealthy mindset; it's clear they regressed him to that again just to put him into conflict with Daniel once more and sow more dissent into the group again and give Tory a reason to walk out. In a martial arts setting, you should never take out your anger on another person, and a sensei especially should never allow or advocate for that to happen. I don't care if this is just a show, this is such a stupid argument to make from a writer's perspective and also potentially harmful for any impressionable dumbasses who think they can just go learn martial arts so they can enact their violent fantasies on others as an anger outlet. Mutual trust is such an important thing to have with anyone you spar, and these people join with the intent to purposefully abuse that trust so they can feel like they're a bunch of tough guys. Focus is such an important aspect in martial arts training and discipline, too, and if your head is clouded (especially by that much anger) you are more likely to not only hurt your sparring partner / opponent but also yourself. Allowing that would have been pure negligence and unhealthy for those students in more ways than one.

Because what would have happened if they let Tory fight Sam like that? Nothing good. It wouldn't have helped her. It wouldn't have made her feel better. Her mom fucking died. That much grief and anger and sadness is not something you can just punch away. Sure, if you're angry and you show up to class upset, you can take it to the bag and let out some steam, but that is NOT the same thing as directing that towards another person. She would have hurt Sam. (She was already hurting Sam and they were barely into the match!) Worst case scenario, she could have potentially *killed* Sam. Do you know how easy it is to critically injure or even kill someone by accident? You could put out an eye, break a jaw, give them a concussion, hell you could even get brain damage from something like getting choked out for too long. This is why you train for *safety* first, and everything else is secondary. That's always been my problem with how much shit gets allowed in the show. And I don't mean Johnny's silly OSHA violations. Like, it's goofy, it's funny to see on television, I don't mind *that*, but after so many seasons it's kind of a nuisance to see when it gets taken THIS far, beyond the jokes and funny scenarios and into something serious where the same mindset carries over.

Ultimately, from the standpoint of what actually would have been the right thing to do in that situation, this is not a "different perspectives" thing. There is *no* argument to make here, and the writers trying to pull the same "well they both have a point" bullshit again is wrong, because no they fucking don't, and I'm tired of this being the basis of every single conflict between Johnny and Daniel in the series. Sometimes things ARE just black and white. And also, purely from the perspective of Tory's character development and arc? She doesn't need yet another person telling her to hold on to her anger and center her karate around those emotions. She needs someone to show her that it's okay to let it go.

[voxxian]

I'm so happy to see that there's some activity here, you kind off disappeared all of the sudden and was so worried. I hope that you're doing well and just know that there's still people who care about you here in Summerfield 💗

- Stephany

hey stephany. sorry the activity you see on here isn't from me being active, is from my pre-set queue that just runs without me. this is my first time logging in and seeing this. i actually logged in to prewrite a farewell to life note for future posting when it's time to actually post it (which i guess i won't do right now since i saw your message) so seeing this was actually shocking. im really sorry i did that, after that whole fight i got into with my dad everything kind of came crashing down and ever since i have just been in a really bad dark place struggling with my mental and physical health (which the physical health is destroying my mental health) and that coupled with recent events has had me like over the top suicidal

it's really sweet that you even bothered to message me, especially since i have absolutely nobody to talk to and no friends for various reasons some of it due to my shitty failures amongst other things.

i have always had a really bad relationship with sticking around and stuff because of my upbringing and right now im struggling very hard in life and i just don't want anyone to see that. i am really really unstable, i have next to no support, my finances came crashing down on me a month ago and my car is breaking down while im in the negatives, and i am in a state of being suicidal like 24/7 and i just feel like i can't talk to anyone. my body right now is ruined and it's affecting my employment and my relationship with just about everyone is non-existent besides literally 1 person and life is just really really really difficult. im still considering ending it, because i just don't think the suffering that's been getting worse and worse the last ten years will stop tbh. nothing is looking up. everything is just getting worse and worse and worse and im really close to a breaking point

i don't want to get all dramatic on my blog that i literally am never on but since you even bothered writing i feel like i owe you an explanation for my (unjustified) behavior and disappearance

it means a lot to me still that you've reached out and even bothered to check on me. even in the midst of all this hell it really does mean something special to me. i didn't even think anyone cared. usually the people i talk to disappear on me or just show me through words and actions that they don't want to be a friend to me or, in some cases, just don't want to be a real friend, so i just thought i did everyone (including myself) a favor by disappearing from the world because normally people are just fine and really don't care about me and i just become a thing of the past. it's crazy to my mind that you even still think about me because i feel like i was nobody to even care about after leaving.

[miniiredd]

So surprise suprise another RSD/I don’t know what people want from me rant. I know I always seems to be complaining about my RSD but a series of things happened this past week that just really set it off, like the worst it’s been, and I just, I just need to get this out, I need write it down even if it makes no sense or it’s just going to fester and make me even sadder

So Wednesday “friend” at work J1 was (I will say it was jokingly) like oh don’t talk to J2, and when I ask why, he was like ‘I’m trying to plan a dinner for C’s birthday with J2, D and myself, like we did for j2’s birthday (which didn’t know about that) and she’s being difficult’…. A dinner I wasn’t invited to btw lol, and when I pointed oh this is like the ice cream incident (where they went to the gelato place literally doors down from work one day on a day I wasn’t working, despite me saying hey I wanna go we should go one day), he laughed Because he thought I was joking and then wondered why I was in a mood the rest of the day

And like every week, well 98% of every time we work a Saturday together I’m getting two of those 4 a juice from our favourite place that I walk to and then back to work because I finish before them, and the other 2 when I grab lunch I’ll get them chips or share mine or my nuggets but I can’t get a dinner invite? It just hurts alittle

Like i understand they can do things as their own little group but like don’t complain to me about someone being difficult about plans and then laugh when i point out ‘oh hey another thing you guys are doing that I’m not invited to’ when we’re supposed to be friends but your constantly doing things and not inviting me.

And Saturday/Sunday another “friend” from work who start of the year made all these promises of what we were going to do this year (none of which we’ve done, we’ve hung out 2times that wasn’t a concert and one was to get an outfit for a concert and the other to see a concert movie), made the joke ‘oh your going somewhere without me” when I said i was going to something Saturday night the very rare time I have had plans, despite her originally being INVITED when the plans were made (she didn’t actually acknowledge the offer at the time)…. Went to the beach and didn’t invite me like people wonder why they don’t here from me much or make the “joke” I don’t leave my house

Oh and The kicker to Saturday night?? she already had plans!? But complained because I didn’t invite her to mine which again she was, and then the next day goes to the beach and not a word 😶. But if it’s a concert she wants to go to? Oh I’m the first person she messages, cause I get the tickets and don’t ask for the money straight away because I’m an idiot and talking money makes me uncomfortable.

And to round it all off, My own mother, who I’ve barely had any contact with since like Feb? Last year (Due to various reasons growing up but especially due to how I found out about a death in the family) is in Fiji. I can barely get a text for Christmas/my birthday, haven’t gotten a present in years But she can put money in to get my brother a dog for his birthday and now apparently an overseas holiday, And not to forget She owes me a couple thousand she ‘borrowed’. How do I find out she in Fiji? A phone call? A voice mail?, hell a text? Nope I find out from her posting on facebook

I’m just sick of being too much for people, too loud, too focused on the “wrong things”, I message too much, I’m too weird, but at the same time I’m too quiet, I don’t message enough, I don’t speak up enough, I’m not enough to actually spend time with and go do things with

Like It makes me want pull back from my online communities, I mean shit I’ve haven’t been active in the discord groups in I’m for months (and the thought of trying to literally scares me), and pull away from my online friends because like if people in my real, day to day life don’t want to do things with me or interact with me, why would my online friends? Which I know isn’t true I know it but that thought is hella loud

[askadhdanon]

HERES IS ADHD’S REDESIGN ‼️

I had decided that my absence from this blog would link a bit to his lore.

As we know now ADHD has been plagued with many strange dreams in the middle of the night that keep him up and mess with his sense of sanity.

Since he’s pretty much been going insane these last many many weeks it’s all been mushed together into a blur. He can barely remember anything he’s done these past two months.

His hair is also shorter ! He impulsively cut it when he was having a episode due to all the dreams he had been having.

He’s back and pissed more than ever ! Since the dreams constantly keep him up at night he’s slowly turned into a grumpy tired guy. He cares nothing more than wishing he’d abstract already and stop having to deal with these hell of nightmares.

But who doesn’t love a guy with a soft spot !!! He may be pissed and curse at anyone who dare even talk to him but he still would never yell at his siblings or family.

During these past months of this dark abstracted figure that looks a lot like him taunting him endlessly in his sleep, his slipping sanity has also affected the abstraction in his eyes. As many people know it’s a scar from a time where he went a bit too overboard with questions about reality ! Or is it…?

ADHD had slowly started to realize that the abstracted eye which he just assumed to be a scar has soon started to spread. It goes all along his arms like black smudges veins. And it goes to his hands causing them to slowly become black and grow claw like fingers. At the moment he is trying to hide it behind gloves, but some glitches just don’t seem to want to stay in place…

I might also add that he has switched from button up’s and pants to full on suits ! He does this for many reasons. One being he mainly does it to prevent people seeing the many black veins popping out his arm. He also does to seem a bit more elegant and not attract attention by looking sloppy ! No one wants to see that !

His face just seems to get glitcher and glitcher… many members have pointed it out but he just never seems to listen. His eye seems to react more when his emotions get a bit in the way. Like when he yells at someone his abstracted eye seems to glow more brightly. While his normal eye glows a dark purple.

OH MY ‼️ No room should be this messy by god ! It seems that due to his declining mental health his room is literally a pigs pen. Drawings assorted on the floor of many eyes and a… returning figure. His room has been littered with many bright blue, pink, yellow, and green paints.

He says it’s just to keep his health up but in reality it might just be colors he keeps seeing… he hides this for most part as he stuffs it all in his closet. But sometimes people do look for split second inside and are horrified… they don’t see much before he kicks them out aggressively and slams the door on them.

His closet is his safe place. All he ever does in there is laugh and have mental breaks. His closet is way worse than his floor. There are eyes everywhere that’s it’s honestly unsettling. Words splattered on walls of the closet which are an assortment of “DONT KILL” and “PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE” written in paragraphs. Handprints in various places as if he need to remember what it looks like. What he looks like. There is also a small cracked mirror in there.

And that is really all I have for the good ol’ ADHD ! He needs to get back to… what ever he’s doing. I’m glad you decided to read all this haha !

HEYA !! I have decided I’m gonna finally unkick the bucket and start up this blog again !! I’m kinda ready to start rp again as I kinda recently remembered how much I loved it. Although this blog is going to be 100% REVAMPED !! Almost everything prior to the lore I’m going to have for him is NON CANON now ! He will still have his abstracted eye and a few other things I have planned for him and his half abstracted journey. I can’t wait to interact with everyone again !

[thankskenpenders]

TKP Addendums: The Endgame Arc (Archie Sonic #47 - #50)

I wasn't planning this at all, but the Endgame arc has become surprisingly relevant again for very stupid reasons. The main one being that my mortal nemesis, The Screen Rant Guy, wrote a short clickbait article comparing and contrasting the (only halfway finished) Imposter Syndrome miniseries from IDW to "Archie's best arc," Endgame... solely because we're nearing issue #50 and Starline used the word "endgame" in a random sentence. No, really, that's it. Penders himself then butted into a Twitter thread to proclaim that fans have declared the Endgame arc a classic and that it "will never be topped." In the past he's even called it "the greatest storyline in Sonic history."

So, you know what? Fuck it. It's been a long time, and it can't hurt to go back and write something more thoughtful about it, compared to my original play-by-play liveblog. I also never said my Addendums had to be in order. So... is Endgame actually a classic? Or even any good?

No, it still sucks. Thanks for read - no okay fine

It's easy to understand why Endgame always stands out in older readers' memories because it's practically the first arc where anything consequential actually happens in Archie Sonic

Sure, there were memorable events within the first 46 issues and their various spinoffs. The introduction of Knuckles, Mecha Madness, Sonic reuniting with Chuck, rescuing King Max, etc. But rereading my archive a few months ago, it really struck me how little actually happens in that span of time aside from those bits. The series was largely content to rely on its status quo. Robotnik would hatch an evil scheme, the Freedom Fighters would go on a mission to infiltrate Robotropolis (that never resulted in anything). They'd go back and forth like this for a few years. There's nothing inherently wrong with having a status quo, of course, and I'd absolutely take those first 50 issues over the shit Penders wrote later. But the general lack of dramatic consequences prior to this instantly made the Endgame arc stand out. It really does feel like the series finale it was originally written to be

Of course, I'm not reading this as a 9-year-old in 1997. I already know this isn't the end, but rather one of many status quo shifting milestone stories from a series that would last nearly 250 more issues. And like I said back when I first covered this arc seven years ago, the sources of drama here are mostly lame as hell

I'll avoid ranting about Sally's death too much here, but it has to be addressed. It sucks. It's dramatic and it grabs your attention for sure, but it sucks that Sally doesn't even get a heroic death, but rather a sudden anticlimactic death on a random mission with no clear goal, just because Penders thought she "cramped Sonic's style" and didn't know what else to do with her. She had already been largely reduced to a prize for Sonic and the ever-skeevy Geoffrey to fight over, but her fridging here only takes that even further. In her death she is fully transformed into a mere concept for the guys to fight over, not a character with any agency of her own. Hell, this could have been a setup for a twist where Sally has her own counter-plan at play and makes a triumphant return in the climax to reveal that she was actually alive the whole time, and then take part in the final battle with her friends. (The possibility that the report of Sally's death had been a lie was being teased as early as issue two of this arc.) I didn't like the similar storyline in her miniseries, but I'd take it over this. Instead, she's only thawed out at the very end to give Sonic a kiss. She's not a character, she's a reward for Sonic

Actually, a thing I couldn't do when I first covered Endgame was compare it to the series finale of SatAM, as I hadn't seen that at the time. And the difference there is night and day. In the show, instead of being written out, Sally is more present in the climax than ever, to the point where she literally shares Sonic's super speed, allowing her to be there at his side for their final victory. The difference is so stark that it's actually kind of hilarious

(Side note: Some of my critiques in the early days of this blog came off as more black-and-white than I would like. A few times I may have skirted a bit too close to the whole Strong Female Character angle, where a female character has to be an ass-kicking, "empowering" aspirational figure in order to be considered a good character. I'll say very bluntly that there's nothing inherently wrong with writing a story where a female character dies a pointless, tragic death, nor is it inherently bad to write characters with no agency in their lives. (I am a known Gundam liker.) The problem here is that the way Penders writes Sally is part of a larger pattern with his typical Baby Boomer view on gender roles.)

But, okay. I said I wasn't gonna dwell on this. Let's set the decision to kill Sally aside and look at what Penders and co. do with that twist. For one, it's there to shock the reader. And, yeah, it sure did that. But it also turns the early part of the arc into a murder mystery. A classic premise! So, is Endgame a good murder mystery?

Nope!

As I ragged on repeatedly in my original coverage, Sonic immediately gets blamed for Sally's death, and it's pure nonsense. Nobody believes that Sonic, the main hero of the team, has any motive to kill Sally. Because he doesn't. But they don't do anything to disprove it, even though this is a series where Sonic alone has been mind controlled into acting against his will, impersonated by his evil universe doppelganger, and replaced with a robotic duplicate - not to mention how often this shit happens to other characters. When Endgame began, it had literally only been seven issues since Sonic was put on trial for crimes he didn't really commit following the Mecha Madness event. And yet we're already doing this again

Even the question of who really killed Sally doesn't get to be a source of intrigue. None of the established characters end up being a traitor, despite the presence of a traitor being the entire focus of issue #46, and it isn't even an old returning villain or anything like that. No, it's Hershey. A brand new character introduced after Sally's death. But she didn't do it of her own free will - the whole thing was orchestrated by Drago, a confrontational member of the Wolf Pack the Freedom Fighters met literally one issue earlier who was already immediately suspicious, and King Max, who had been replaced by an Auto-Automaton off-screen... somehow. (It's revealed in the end that Robotnik had actually discovered the location to Knothole and sent troops to replace Max all the way back during "Battle Royale," while Sonic was out of town. Why didn't he just blow up Knothole then and there? Who knows!!!)

The actual explanation of how New Friend Hershey could possibly have killed Sally might be even more nonsensical. As Drago reveals, he tricked her into wearing a lifelike full body Sonic costume designed by Robotnik that has an augmented reality display built into the head that makes everyone look like Snively. So Hershey thought she was killing Snively, and everyone else thought she was Sonic because of the costume. Why did Hershey think she needed to come along on that mission and dress up as Sonic? Who fucking knows!! More effort goes into explaining what happened to fucking Crocbot over in Downunda - no, seriously, he gets two whole pages of exposition in #49!

Overall, the best explanation we get for why Robotnik's plan is so complex is that he just seems to be playing mind games to pit the heroes against each other while he finishes the Ultimate Annihilator. But, again, the story devotes very little time to this tension within the team because of how quickly the question of who killed Sally gets resolved, and the only ones who really bicker are Sonic and Geoffrey, who were already constantly at each other's throats long before this

And, yes, the subplot with new characters Hershey and Drago devolves into a domestic abuse story. As I said years ago, I think it's a good thing to teach kids how to spot abusive relationships, but this isn't a well told story about abuse. Drago is a one-dimensional exposition dumping villain who also hits and insults his girlfriend. It feels like it was mostly setup for Hershey to turn the tables and beat the snot out of him in the last issue (which admittedly is kinda satisfying after having to read about Drago for multiple issues), but no matter the intention it's just a bizarre inclusion in this already overstuffed arc

This is all part of what's probably the overall biggest problem with the arc, which is that despite being intended as a sendoff for the series, so much of it revolves around new characters over the actual main cast. Hershey, Drago, and Dr. Quack all get a lot of screen time throughout the arc and are integral to the plot. So is Geoffrey, but at least you could say he was an established character who had fans at that point. (This was years before folks realized the age gap between Geoffrey and Sally, or before Penders made That Tweet.) Most of the Freedom Fighters are totally passive for most of the arc. Rotor, Tails, Chuck, and Amy contribute basically nothing. Dulcy does exactly one absurd thing and then Sonic tells THE GIANT DRAGON she doesn't have to help fight. Antoine starts tailing Drago when he realizes something's probably up, but he and Bunnie are immediately caught and shipped off to literally the opposite side of the planet and kept out of the action until the finale. (How they manage to travel from the Midwest to Australia and back so quickly is a mystery, but nitpicks about travel time are the least of this story's problems.) Even Sonic himself doesn't contribute all that much to Robotnik's defeat in the grand scheme of things, and he spends most of the arc just going "man it's fucked up that Sally died and everyone thinks I did it"

But finally, we come to #50. (Or, well, the "Director's Cut" version of it released as Sonic Super Special #6, which has supplanted it in canon.) I'll stand by my statement that this final issue is the best part of this arc. Broadly speaking, it feels like a proper ending. I like the way it's bookended with Robotnik's arrival in the Acorn Kingdom and his death. It's got some action that feels appropriately climactic, and there's good Spaziante art mixed in there. At the very least, the last issue is in the shape of a good series finale, with the heroes starting at their lowest point and then rallying together to win once and for all

That decent climax is just massively let down by the story surrounding it. The cracks start to show very quickly with the infamous scene where Dulcy reveals that dragons are all walking lie detectors. (Sure would've been convenient to know that three issues ago!!!) Even in this expanded Director's Cut, they just need to get the ball rolling and convince Geoffrey of Sonic's innocence as quickly as possible. Then the Ultimate Annihilator is FINALLY set up after somehow not being mentioned the whole arc and the fighting begins. Again, another concession: Knothole finally being put in danger by Robotnik's invasion and then the U.A. is a smart move. An obvious one, but a good one to raise the tension nonetheless.

Then we get the final showdown between Sonic and Robotnik, which is still pretty good, and after that it's all plot cleanup. (Contrary to what I've been saying for years, it isn't actually said anywhere that Sonic uses his billionth ring to avoid getting blasted by the U.A. I'm not sure where I got that idea from, other than the image of him coming out of a ring.)

Said plot cleanup is just wall to wall nonsense, as if this story wasn't full of that already. The reveal that Knothole has been blasted three hours in the future, a fact that never ended up mattering. Author's pet and Bones McCoy expy Dr. Quack revealing that everything is actually HIS fault, because he's such a super genius inventor that his "Dream Watcher" had the exact part Robotnik needed for the U.A. and that's how he was able to locate Knothole off-screen. The fact that Snively was actually the one to ultimately defeat Robotnik due to him tampering with the U.A. off-screen. (He doesn't even get to gloat about it!) And, of course, the reveal that Sally was alive and recovering the whole time, because readers (rightfully) complained. They kiss so that she can be Sonic's prize for winning, despite the fact that he actually contributed very little to Robotnik's defeat. Roll credits

Yeah, Endgame just isn't good, y'all

Again, I get why this was a big deal to fans back in the '90s who read this as kids. This story has actual drama and stakes and consequences on a level that nothing leading up to it had. Sure, Sally's death was undone, but Robotnik's mattered. The problem is that, as with so many other Penders stories, it only has the shape of a good story. The actual details that make it up are all fucking nonsense. The needlessly convoluted plot, the focus on brand new characters and pet characters of Ken's over the actual main cast, the tonally bizarre soap opera drama. It's trash. And not even particularly fun trash

[sellyoursoulforagoodfic]

What Do You See, Mirror? Chapter 10

John Constantine x reader

Word Count: 865

Summary: The real reason for the divorce

Maybe it was that the pair of you were still riding high and distracted from the fact that you were remarried. Maybe it was just plain bad luck. Either way, a run-of-the-mill evil hunt had spun completely out of control and led to John lying limp and bleeding in your arms with Zed flickering at the edge of consciousness next to you.

Across from you stood the culprit: a demon of middling power that managed to get its hands on a sword that rendered the wielder almost immortal. Nothing John threw at it landed (magical or physical), and any visions Zed managed to have only showed the lot of you dead at its feet.

“At last,” it was monologuing, “the great John Constantine will take his rightful place in the bowels of Hell.”

Zed was just blinking herself awake fully when she saw you stand. All she could do was watch in horror as flames--those same flames she’d seen in your mind so long ago--started writhing around her entire body. Inwardly, Zed wondered what the hell she’d been living with for the last few months. You’d displayed power, sure, but nothing like this.

Outwardly, the demon expressed a similar train of thought as you stormed towards it. Within moments, it found itself simply vaporized, sword or no sword, by the hellfire that seemed to be pouring from every part of you. Later, the lot of you would figure that the sword couldn’t protect from power that matches that of the wielder. Meaning a demon could still be killed by demonic power.

For now, though, the threat of the random demon had passed, but the threat of you was still fully present since you were showing no sign of calming down.

“John,” Zed called weakly, praying her friend was still awake enough to stop his wife.

“I know!” His voice sounded strangled, probably by the pain, but still he was already struggling to his feet. Leave it to John to keep pushing forward despite his injuries. The fire he was approaching was still concerning; Zed only hoped he knew what he was doing by just boldly walking towards her.

Meanwhile, John was almost too worried about you to feel the various injuries that littered his body. Almost. Every part of his face aching was still quite literally painfully present in his awareness. The rest, though, irrelevant as he carefully stepped into the swirling vortex of hellfire. Small blessings that he was immune to your main weapon of choice, he supposed.

“Luv, it’s over,” he tried to say, but his voice was drowned out by the crackling flame. Gritting his teeth, he reached out and took your hand in an attempt to get your attention. Your eyes were solid black when they landed on his. “I’m alright,” he said as loudly as he could manage. “Might not look it, but a couple days and I’ll be right as rain. You can stop now.”

This was what the pair of you had been afraid of when you first realized just how important the other was to you. Neither could ever be sure how they’d react to something happening to the other. It was the real reason for the divorce all those years ago, the hidden one below all the layers of lies.

“Relationship differences,” was the surface one you actually told people, the one that no one that knew you believed.

“Being with a demon-blooded human was a certain way to damn John’s soul,” the partial truth, the one no one had ever tried to look past to get to the real truth.

“The sight of the one you loved potentially dying was enough to send you flying off the handle potentially on a world-ending scale since one of you was part demon and the other was a powerful mage,” that was the truly terrifying one.

The fire calmed finally. The swirling slowed to a stop.

“John?” came your terrified voice. Ironic, considering that you were the only remaining threat.

“Who else?” he said with a tired smirk.

A tiny smile graced your features before your eyes rolled back in your head and you collapsed.

John merely waved off Zed’s scared yelp of your name as he knelt beside your prone form. You’d be fine; that fall wasn’t enough to really hurt you. Normally, he would have tried to catch you, but that dislocated shoulder and broken arm of his simply wouldn’t allow it. “It’s alright, sweetheart,” he muttered while digging his phone out of his pocket with his good hand. “I’ll get Chas on his way.”

It was only once everyone was back in the car on the way home that Zed finally asked the question that had been burning her tongue since you first lost control. “What . . . just happened?”

John just shook his head, clearly not wanting to talk about it.

Which prompted Chas to ask, “It finally happen?”

“. . . Yeah . . .” He squeezed your still-limp hand.

“Was it her?”

“Yeah.”

Chas hesitated. “You’re not planning on leaving her again are you?”

“No,” John denied without hesitation. “Never. We’ll deal with whatever happens as it comes.”

You were the one that responded to that with a croaked, “Good.”