system-vent

[system-vent]

I'm so fucking scared. I don't wanna go back. I don't want there to have to only be protectors in front again. I don't wanna be hurt anymore. I don't want to have to do this anymore.

.

[system-vent]

Not an ex mutual of ours ID-ing with a radqueer endo term that you literally cannot separate from being endogenic 💀💀💀💀 and then. Bro is fucking. Desiraeplural or smthn and then. Has a "cluster". Like. Bro. You are slowly turning into the thing you hate. You are going to become a fucking radqueer. If you aren't one alr JFC what's wrong with you 💀

.

[system-vent]

I hope this isn't like,, going to make anyone mad. But uh..

Cw: S!xual harassment, Contradictory Labels

An anti endo vent blog I used to vent to alot recently came out as pro contradictory labels and basically said if your anti then to not interact at all I just.. don't feel as safe anymore? The only reason I'm uncomfy with contradictory labels at all is trauma, and if that means I can't vent on the only active blog i was comfy sending vents to taking vents anymore idfk what to do. I'm a lesbian alter who is lesbian because of severe trauma with men and I've had many experiences with men claiming to be lesboys and using "I'm a lesbian too!" to sexually harass me which makes my trauma worse. Am I in the wrong for this??? What am I supposed to do?? Ask them if trauma is an exception??? Am I still valid despite this??? Or am I a terrible person for being scared?

No no you aren't wrong for it and promise you aren't being irrational /gen

People are just shitty in terms of misusing labels or making up labels to contradict existing ones to remove their meaning just so they can get what they want

You aren't in the wrong. I promise. -🌐

[system-vent]

Tw: sh mention, hallucination mention, medicine mention (none of these are in depth), self hatred (idk if I need to tw that. But just in case)

I currently live with my partner, and the intent is to stay with them forever, but I just feel like I'm burdening them. We have alters that hallucinate, we have alters that try and harm our body. Sometimes when these alters front our partner has to stop what they are doing to help us. And I know they say they are glad to help us but I just can't help but feeling it would be easier if I just wasn't a system. That way I would be able to do things without interrupting their life. I dunno I'm just scared that one day they'll say enough is enough and leave. I couldn't say I'd blame them if they did. I hate being the way I am. I wish that I could just take a medicine and not have to deal with this anymore but it doesn't work like that because I'm a system. And whether I like it or not, I have to fight like hell to get to where I want to be. It's rough fighting to get better all the time. I just don't want to be a system.

.

[system-vent]

Switching alot due to people wanting their partners in our partner system but that leading to being super dissocated all the time and memory getting worse and feeling less real but we don't know how to talk to our partner system about not every person speaking so much

.

[system-vent]

I didn't want to interact with you either. Cool. Never speak again, say how shit we are as a partner system - say it again. Why the fuck did you marry us and insist that it happen right away? I'm glad I don't fucking interact with you people.

.

[system-vent]

Apologies for not posting alot soon I'll be getting out every post soon

.. Things have been. Rough to say the least but we are trying

Again apologies for not posting the vents -🌐

[system-vent]

Tumblr is working again ^^ opening our inbox again :)

-🌐

[system-vent]

Just something bothering our brains

We feel bad because our Introjects have different types of Neurodivegent so we feel like a fake over it because oh well we as a collective don't have it- and then there's the alters who are used to their source where they have [using one of their experiences as example w permission] gotten used to struggling to walk properly so they accidentally move the body like that because "huh?? I'm used to walking this way.." and then making us feel like we're faking a disability when no there's just an alter trying to get used to being able to walking "normally"..

We feel bad.

.

[system-vent]

idk if this will make sense lol but i just needed to rant

i HATE HATE HATE how hard it is to get diagnosed. you cant just rock up to a doctor and go i think i have DID. NO! you have to go find a psychiatrist who says yes theres definitely dissociation here so lets keep an eye on this. and so you wanna go back so they can see more of your symptoms but they're busy so you have to go to another psychiatrist who just delves into your trauma history. and then they make a passing comment about BPD and then they're ALSO so busy, so you try to see ANOTHER psychiatrist but this one needs a different referral and your normal GP is taking FOREVER to organise one.

i am so sick of going constantly back and forth with so many doctors, why cant i just find someone who is consistent, and so i dont have to wait multiple months to just have an hour of their time where they go "hmm yeah definitely dissociating, lets keep an eye on this". im so TIRED. i want to FINALLY have someone confirm whats happening, its just taking MULTIPLE YEARS

.

[system-vent]

splitting off as an introject with a “problematic source character” and just being (hopefully irrationally?) terrified that everyone will hate me if I don’t immediately source separate and go “don’t worry I would neeeever act at alllll like my source”

.

[system-vent]

Submissions closed for a moment-

our tumblr is having problems in all devices so we might have to hold on with submitted vents i apologize-

-🌐

[system-vent]

Ive seen a thing about how DID brains look different from singlet brains. Weve had a brain scan before and was told it came back normal. And now we? dont know what to think anymore.

I want to be real. I want me, my in-sys partners, my in-sys children, I want it to be real.

But does this mean it isnt?

Have I lived two years in a lie?

Shit

.

[system-vent]

Bro our system is so fucking cruel and our inner world so graphic why the fuck are we turning like this on each other (For context: We are internally constantly at odds) what’s ur problem be a fucking better person what the fuck that’s fucking enough u don’t get to do that ... what the fuck stop like sToP!!!

.

[system-vent]

I'm so tired of being stuck in front. Ive been host for over 10 years. Others come and go as they please but I can't leave, I don't know how,

I wish I could just get an hour of rest out of front. I'm so tired of everything, I just want a break from being stuck here

.

[system-vent]

good news: we broke up with my bf!! With the help of my qpp and I’m so grateful for him!! We have all been a lot happier, and not as stressed as before. We probably wouldn’t have been able to without being able to vent here,, thank you,!!<3/p -🐇💤

I'm glad :) -🚂

[system-vent]

Partner acted confused as to where all us new fvcks are coming from... Stress!!!!! Why the fvck do I have to justify my existence? I'm here!!!! I'm sorry... I'm here. I'll leave when I can.

.