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quicksilversquared · 5 years

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Pants on Fire

Ladybug AU/ After Lila decides that Adrien's implied threat has no teeth and decides not to walk back on her claims about Marinette, Marinette stays expelled. But she has absolutely no intention to let things stay that way.

Soon enough, Lila will wish that she had taken Adrien's easy way out.

links in the reblog

Across the street, the school bell rang, and the last of the Françoise Dupont students cleared off of the sidewalk and into the building. From her balcony, Marinette could see her old classmates in their homeroom, gradually making their way to their desks. Lila was still sitting in the back, but Marinette didn't doubt that before long, she would have taken over Marinette's old seat.

Day three of her expulsion from Dupont, and Marinette was (rightfully) no less bitter about it now than she had been three days ago.

Seriously, how was it fair that she got expelled without any sort of investigation? How was it legal? How had her teachers and principal even believed that Marinette would do anything like what Lila had claimed?

Did Lila have secret brain-draining superpowers that no one had found out about yet? That was the only thing that she could think of.

"At least Adrien tried to get Lila to come clean," Tikki offered as her Chosen clambered down from her balcony and headed for her desk. "I mean, I know it didn't work because Lila is too stubborn, but..."

"At least he tried," Marinette finished. She was really grateful for that, honestly. When Adrien had stopped over to check in on her the previous day, he had sounded super frustrated. Apparently Lila had somehow gotten herself invited to his photoshoots and he had confronted her then, trying to bargain the appearance of his friendship to get Lila to walk back her claims about Marinette. At the time, Lila had seemed to agree, but she hadn't followed through afterwards.

Count Marinette not surprised. If Lila walked back on any of her claims, well, that meant that all of her other claims would be questioned, and she would not want to open that door. Even if that meant irritating Adrien.

"And at least someone at Dupont knows that it was Lila's fault," Marinette added with a sigh. Not that it did anything, really, since no one would listen to Adrien, but it was still nice. "And at least he's planning on coming over again and talking to my parents today, so that they aren't just going on my word that I didn't actually do any of the stuff Lila accused me of. But that doesn't get me un-expelled."

"Well, if you can't do anything about it, maybe we should just brush it off and move on," Tikki suggested. "Mulling over it isn't going to help, and if an akuma comes again-"

Marinette hid her scowl and reached for her remote, flipping her monitor from computer screen to TV to drown out the rest of Tikki's words. She knew that it wasn't a good thing that an akuma had actually managed to get as far as corrupting her purse, even if Marinette had still had enough control at the time to start taking her earrings out so that Tikki could fly away with them. Tikki didn't have to keep reminding her that getting akumatized wouldn't be good. Marinette knew that.

(Marinette was this close to going to Master Fu without Tikki and talking to him about her kwami's constant scolding. Marinette knew that her duties as Ladybug were important, but what about the girl under Ladybug's mask? Didn't her feelings matter, too? What was she supposed to do, take a train out to the countryside so that she was out of Hawkmoth's range and only let her emotions out there? Be an emotionless robot until Hawkmoth was defeated? No thank you.)

"Don't be bemused, it's just the news!" Nadja Chamack was saying on-screen, beaming into the camera as Marinette pulled up her first lesson of the day on her tablet. "In today's news, we have extended coverage from the most recent akuma battle, updates from the mayor on proposed new recycling initiatives, and much, much more!"

Madam Chamack chatted on as Marinette started reading through her first class's lesson, determined to at least stay on top of her studies and not let herself fall behind. The online school she had gotten herself enrolled in for the time being was flexible enough that if she got a little behind schedule because of an akuma attack it wouldn't be too big of an issue, but there was no point starting off on the wrong foot.

Besides, if she could work ahead, then she could maybe have some more free time to try to make some progress on tracking down Hawkmoth. That would be making the most out of her situation, at least, and then she would be in a better position to focus on improving her designs and sewing techniques so that she could start developing a portfolio while she was in lycée.

Tikki finally settled down across the room, fiddling with some of Marinette's extra thread and beads while Marinette worked her way through the day's Literature lesson, then Math and Civics and Chemistry. The TV kept playing in the background, muted only when Marinette needed to listen to a video for her schoolwork on her tablet.

"Morning classes done ahead of schedule," Marinette said cheerfully as soon as she finished her last electron drawing. "And homework for them finished at the same time, not that there was much homework to do to start with. Time for a break, I think."

"It is almost time for lunch," Tikki agreed, flying over to join her. "You wouldn't be getting out for another half-hour at Dupont, but you've been working hard! And normally, you would have breaks between classes."

"Mm-hmm." Marinette glanced back up at her computer monitor to glance at the time, then did a double-take when she saw the screen. "Hey, I remember hearing something about this before! Tikki, can you turn up the volume?"

"-the continued fallout from the plagiarism scandal at Paris's famed university for the arts," Madam Chamack said onscreen as Tikki bumped the volume. "Another professor has been linked to the scam, which came to light after a student discovered the plagiarism. After the faculty member that she brought her concerns to didn't do anything about the issue, the student, who wishes to remain unidentified, did her own digging and found enough evidence to go straight to the police."

Marinette froze, eyes fixed on the screen as Madam Chamack kept talking, telling her viewers the timeline of what had been discovered so far. There was a lot, with faculty members at the university trying to sweep the problem under the rug all because of some rich donors who wanted to keep the flow of ideas coming to them. Three attempts from the student to let professors and administrators know that it was happening had all been swept aside with empty assurances and nothing had happened.

No one had expected the stubborn student, armed with facts and evidence to the point where she could directly get the police involved.

And Marinette's brain went aha.

There was plenty of evidence out there that Lila was lying, if only people bothered to look. The looking had been the issue at school, with everyone just taking Lila at her word instead of actually looking for themselves. Marinette didn't doubt that Lila had taken at least some steps to cover her steps- forging her mother's signature, probably, and giving incorrect email addresses that would divert to any emails to her mother to a mimic email that Lila could control- but that didn't mean that they just had to take that at face value!

But if Marinette compiled a whole pile of evidence, then- well, Marinette wasn't going to kid herself into saying that that would solve everything, either. Knowing the discipline that was given at her school, Lila would probably get a tap on the hand as punishment, and everything would get swept under the rug. But if Marinette got evidence, and then went to the proper authorities so that Ms. Buster and Mr. Damocles were forced to act, well...

That might be the exact thing she needed.

Adrien wasn't sure what to expect when he headed over to the Dupain-Cheng bakery after school. He had waited until most of the other students had cleared off before leaving, so that Lila wouldn't see him going over and try to mess things up even more, then ducked into the bakery itself.

He had told the Gorilla that he was studying at the school for a couple hours, so hopefully he wouldn't be interrupted.

"Good afternoon, Adrien," Mrs. Cheng greeted him. She didn't sound as upbeat as she usually did, which wasn't much of a surprise considering that Marinette's expulsion was still fresh. "What can I get for you today?"

"I wanted to talk to you, actually," Adrien told her, glancing around the bakery. The collège student rush had passed, and now there was only a businessman perusing the shelves of baked goods. "About what happened earlier this week-"

Mrs. Cheng's shoulders stiffened, and her smile became a bit more wooden. "I appreciate the concern, Adrien, but-"

"Lila's a liar," Adrien blurted before she could wave him out of the bakery. "She's been making up stories left and right about knowing all these famous people ever since she arrived in Paris, and she's had it out for Marinette from the start because Marinette never fell for her lies."

Mrs. Cheng blinked at him, clearly perplexed. "Are you sure that Lila is making up her stories? Alya dropped by for a couple minutes yesterday and she seemed certain that Marinette was just jealous."

Adrien only just barely resisted the urge to snort. Marinette, jealous? Marinette was possibly the most connected person in their class, if he didn't count the connections that he and Chloe had just because of who their parents were. She designed things for Jagged Stone on at least a semi-regular basis, and Clara Nightingale knew her and liked her, and his father had complimented Marinette's designs. "I'm positive, Mrs. Cheng. Lila claimed to be Ladybug's best friend right after she first arrived in Paris, and I was there when Ladybug confronted Lila about lying. And Lila claimed that she once saved Jagged Stone's kitten on an airplane tarmac and so he's a huge fan of hers, and Marinette knows Jagged Stone. She knows that Jagged never had a kitten. And if Lila was making that up, the probability of everything else being a lie, too..."

Mrs. Cheng's expression turned pensive.

"Besides, the pendant that Lila claimed was her grandmother's is actually from my father's latest jewelry line," Adrien added. "It's a replica of the Fox Miraculous, and she bought it shortly after she arrived in Paris. And Lila claimed to have injured her ankle from falling down the stairs, but as soon as there isn't any attention on her, she's walking just fine. And the foot that she's 'favoring' keeps switching."

"And the teachers didn't notice that, or investigate?" Mrs. Cheng asked, the doubt in her voice finally starting to vanish. "It's what they're meant to do, surely."

Adrien could only shrug. He wasn't sure why Marinette's expulsion had been rushed, unless... "Lila told us that her mom's an Italian diplomat. They might have just not wanted to cause an incident."

Mrs. Cheng muttered something under her breath that Adrien didn't entirely catch, but it sounded rather like "I'll show them an incident."

...if Mrs. Cheng was going to storm over to the school to throw hands with Mr. Damocles, Adrien wanted to be there.

"Thank you for letting me know, Adrien," Mrs. Cheng finally said after a couple of seconds had passed. "I didn't want to doubt Marinette, because the accusations didn't sound like her, but I was putting too much faith in the teachers, it seems. That, and the fact that Alya seems to like Lila... well, that was a bit confusing."

Adrien nodded. He could understand that.

"You can go up to see Marinette, if you want," Mrs. Cheng added after another pause. "I mean, if she's working on her schoolwork then don't disturb her, but I'm sure she would enjoy seeing you otherwise."

"Thank you, Mrs. Cheng."

"And here, have a cookie on your way up, I know these are your favorite."

Adrien lit up as he accepted the treat. "Thank you, Mrs. Cheng!"

That mission accomplished, Adrien headed up the stairs with a bounce in his step. It seemed like Mrs. Cheng had believed him, which would hopefully help repair any strain that had appeared in the relationship between Marinette and her parents. He wasn't sure if Marinette's parents would be able to get through to Mr. Damocles any better than he had- Adrien had tried talking to their principal again today between classes, only to get immediately brushed off- but it was at least a step in the right direction.

Even with a fresh cookie to munch on, it didn't take Adrien long to reach the Dupain-Cheng living room. Marinette's trap door was propped partway open, so he headed, up, keeping his steps quiet in case she was still trying to study. Up above, he could hear Marinette's voice, a low murmur as though she were absentmindedly talking to herself.

"Okay, so either Lila was lying about her mom being an ambassador, or the pictures that she showed us of her with her mom were photoshopped," Marinette was musing aloud when Adrien popped his head in her room behind her, going completely unnoticed. She was sitting in front of the computer, intently focused on something onscreen. It didn't sound like schoolwork, though, so Adrien slipped through her open trapdoor and into her room. "Which would make sense, if she didn't want us recognizing her mom out on the street and saying anything about all of her lies, but how good would she have to be at Photoshop, really?"

"This doesn't sound like schoolwork," Adrien teased, making Marinette yelp and startle before spinning to face him. "Your mom said not to disturb you if you were still doing your lessons, but is it safe to say you've finished?"

"Finished and then some," Marinette agreed, waving him over. "Right now, I'm finding evidence."

Adrien bounced up, at her side in a moment, instantly curious. "Evidence? That Lila's lying, I'm guessing, just based on what I just overheard."

"Exactly." Marinette waved at her screen. "And right now, what I'm finding is that Mrs. Rossi isn't an ambassador. Not unless she has a different last name than Lila and isn't the same person that Lila showed us in her photos."

"I- what?" Adrien leaned over, scanning the computer screen. Marinette let him, scrolling down to let him see the rest of the page, which was apparently from the Italian Embassy's site and showed all of their top staff. Sure enough, there was no sign of the woman whose picture Lila had shown them of her mom. "That's just- wow. Uh, do any of them have, like, personal descriptions at all? You know, like get-to-know-me pages?"

Marinette shook her head. "I've already checked. They're all very professional, no personal information in sight. Which doesn't surprise me, really. I mean, if there are people out there who might have a bone to pick with the embassy for some reason, you don't want too much personal information online."

Adrien opened his mouth, then closed it. He hadn't thought of that. He also didn't understand why someone might have an issue with an ambassador to the point of wanting to target their family, but if Marinette thought that that might be an issue, then he would believe her.

"So that's a dead end for the time being," Marinette told him. "Which is fine, really, because I got a job description of what ambassadors do, which isn't what Lila has been telling people, and then this is evidence that either she's lied about her mom being an ambassador, or she's lying about what her mom looks like-"

"Or she's lying about which country her mom is ambassador for," Adrien finished. He shrugged when she gave him a dubious look. "I mean, it's possible! Then the teachers wouldn't know which embassy to contact."

"I guess. I hadn't thought of that."

"D'you think it's enough to make Mr. Damocles undo your suspension?" Adrien asked, stepping back to snag Marinette's extra chair and pulling it over to sit next to her. "Because I mean, it feels a little mean to say it, but... he sometimes doesn't seem the sharpest? And I just worry that he might try to say that Lila's other lies don't matter, just because of what they 'found' in your bag and locker."

Marinette ducked her head, clearly trying to hide a giggle. Adrien was glad that he could amuse her, at least. "I'm not planning on going over with just a little evidence. Lila could probably lie her way out of that. I want to find a ton of evidence and actually get other authorities involved. Like, Lila definitely was skipping class without permission, and there are such things as truancy officers."

...this was starting to sound serious. Like, really serious.

"That seems like a lot of work that you shouldn't have to do, Marinette," Adrien pointed out, suddenly worried for his friend. He knew that Marinette had a tendency to overwork herself, and with all of the additional stress of getting expelled, that didn't seem like a good idea. "Are you sure-"

"That I want to spend time on it? Definitely," Marinette finished. "I'm not sitting by and letting Lila get away with expelling me. It'll go on my permanent school record- getting expelled, and the cheating and the stairs and the stealing from another student. Once I get to lycée and go back to a traditional school, the teachers won't trust me at all." Her expression became determined. "So if the adults won't step up and help, then I'll make it so that they can't not help."

...Adrien hadn't thought of that before. Being expelled from the school that Marinette had gone to for years and from classmates that she had known for even longer was bad enough on its own. But the effects didn't just stop there, and that had to suck. Like, a lot.

(Adrien was going to ask Plagg to destroy Lila's homework, he really was. Maybe it was petty, but in comparison to what Lila had done? It was nothing.)

"Ooh, yeah, I didn't think about that." Adrien scooted closer, glancing at her for permission before snagging her notebook to look at her list of lies. There... well, there were a lot of them. He had kind of tuned Lila out after a point, so to be honest, he didn't remember all of them. One of the topmost bullet points caught his eye, though, and Adrien frowned in confusion. "You're trying to disprove her being abroad using her Skyping? How is that meant to work?"

Marinette grinned, perking up and snagging her tablet from next to the computer. "Yeah, I took pictures of her when she was Skyping us, and they're clear enough to make out the background behind her." She tapped a couple spots on her screen, then turned it to face Adrien. Sure enough, there was an entire folder of pictures of Lila Skyping them from a whole bunch of different places. "Aside from the fact that she definitely wouldn't get enough Internet to get be able to call us from the street- or good enough cell service to get that clear of a photo- there's no people or cars in the background. Of very main streets. Ever."

Adrien's jaw dropped, and he stared at her in admiration. He had suspected that Lila wasn't telling the full truth, of course, but he had mostly thought that she was lying about who she was meeting, not necessarily where she was. But Marinette was absolutely right. "Wow, Marinette. I didn't- I didn't even think of that! You're brilliant. So what was she in front of, then? Posters?"

Marinette nodded. "I think so. I did a little bit of searching at the time, and if she had used a greenscreen, then she would have risked a little distorted halo showing up around her. Either way, she had to get the picture from the backdrop somewhere, and I want to find it. How I'll do that I don't know, exactly, but I'll figure it out."

"Brilliant." Adrien gave her another admiring glance before turning his attention back to her list. Marinette was a lot like Ladybug, really. She noticed details that no one else did, and could pick out when things were even a little out of place. It was a talent for sure, and one that Adrien honestly wished he had.

But he didn't, so he would have to content himself with helping out the most fantastic girls in his life in whatever ways he could.

Which, at the moment, could very well be using his connections.

"I actually have Prince Ali's contact information," Adrien commented as he noticed one specific bullet point on the list. Lila had told several stories about being in contact with Prince Ali and organizing charities and events with him. Connections with an actual prince was a undeniable attention-getter, so her fascination with him was no real surprise. "We've not been in contact that often, but my father had him and his assistant over while they were in Paris. There was an idea that there might be some collaboration or publicity with Gabriel that fell through, but, well..." Adrien shrugged, bashful. "Neither of us had that many friends at that time, so we exchanged numbers. I can text him and ask about Lila's claims and if he has any suggestions for sites to look at to back up his claims." He flashed a smile at Marinette. "Because I bet we don't just want word-of-mouth, right? Since emails can be modified or faked."

Marinette looked thrilled. "Right! And I'm so glad you have a way to contact Prince Ali, because I figured- well, I figured that those lies would be the most difficult ones to disprove, since Achu seems to keep him fairly sheltered from the media and not that much information about his life gets out."

"They do, but I'm pretty sure that Prince Ali does have some official pages with information on his projects." Adrien pulled out his phone, shooting a quick text to Prince Ali before tucking it back in his pocket and turning his full attention back to Marinette. He had the better part of an hour left before the Gorilla would come looking for him, and he wanted to use that time to help Marinette as much as he could. "Okay. What else do you have on your list?"

Things were coming together faster than Marinette had expected, she had to admit. Only days after she started collecting evidence, her parents' last lingering doubts about the validity of any of the claims against her had vanished, they had told Madam Chamack and she was preparing a story to break once Marinette said the word, and on top of that, they now had a lawyer who had listened to Marinette's detailing of everything that had happened at school. They were preparing a lawsuit against the school, because absolutely none of the required procedures for expulsion had been followed.

Like, literally none. The accusations had been flimsy and all coming from one other student, and they hadn't been investigated at all. There had been no consideration of how likely the accusations were given Marinette's stellar history, and no calling in Lila's mother to discuss the accusations. There was absolutely no sense of any procedure being followed, and considering how much behavior from Chloe the school had let slide before, well...

The favoritism there was astounding, and they couldn't let it stand.

Marinette smiled at the reminder of that meeting as she navigated her way though her online school's portal. It was really nice to have so much support from adults, after months and months and months at school where people hadn't listened to her about Lila, hadn't done anything about Chloe, had told her that really, it isn't as big of a problem as you're making it out to be.

It was a big problem, and people weren't addressing it correctly, and that was going to be fixed. It was unfortunate that it had gotten to the point where lawsuits had to get involved, but things couldn't just be allowed to continue as they were.

And this time, it wasn't entirely up to Marinette to end it. The adults would take care of all of the legal stuff, and if Marinette decided that she was tired of dealing with the situation entirely, then that didn't mean that Lila would get away with things.

Which was nice to know, even if Marinette had no intention of excusing herself from the whole thing. Lila had made life exceedingly difficult for Marinette; now, Marinette wanted to look Lila in the eye while grinding all of her lies into the ground.

...maybe she shouldn't be so focused on revenge when she was a superhero, but honestly, Lila had it coming.

Smiling to herself, Marinette clicked a couple few more times before reaching her target page. It loaded quickly, the title of her class and her current unit at the top of the page, with a little bar below it showing where she was compared to where she was meant to be.

Marinette had started slightly behind schedule- Dupont had apparently fallen behind the national standards schedule, probably because of akuma attacks interrupting their days- and now she had caught up in most subjects and already had started edging ahead in a couple classes, including this particular one.

Civics. Unit: Foreign Relations

Unit project: Create a product- a poster, a paper, or a film- on a country of your choice, documenting their relationship with France, current and historical. Exact requirements, due dates, and minimum lengths detailed below.

It wasn't a mistake that Marinette had pushed herself to get ahead in this particular class. She had looked ahead and seen this particular project coming up and, well, filming some interviews at the Italian Embassy sounded like it would fit the bill perfectly.

"Do you really think that that's necessary at this point, Marinette?" Tikki asked from where she was perched on Marinette's sewing machine. "I mean, you have enough evidence to prove that Lila has hardly been truthful and shouldn't be trusted, and even if she tries to wriggle her way out of it, it's not going to work. Not with a truancy officer alerted and on her trail. Once an accusation has been filed, they will investigate it until they're satisfied. It's going to take more than a couple fake tears and excuses for them to drop it."

"Honestly, this bit is mostly because I'm still curious." Marinette sat back in her chair, scanning over the project guidelines. "Like, I know that Lila needed a backstory that would make it plausible that she could have met a bunch of famous people and be traveling all of the time, but why the Italian Embassy? Was that picture really of her mom? I just- I want to nose around a little. Besides, more evidence is always a good thing, and it doubles as a school assignment, too!"

"A school assignment that isn't due for weeks," Tikki pointed out. "You know what your mom told you, about not burning yourself out by overworking!"

Marinette shrugged, even as she made a few notes about things that she would have to do before filming- looking up some basic history about France-Italian relations, reaching out to a couple ambassadors to see if she could interview them, and seeing if she could check out some decent video camera and microphone equipment from the library were on the top of her list, along with coming up with questions that would hit all of the needed points plus a couple extra. "I mean, I think I'll be fine, especially because, well, I don't think I'm going to get invited to any get-togethers with the girls this week. Alya seemed pretty ticked with me when she left yesterday. So I'll have a lot of free time, probably."

Tikki made a face at that. "I suppose. But you still have Adrien coming over every day! It's not like you aren't speaking to any of your old classmates."

Marinette ducked her head, unable to hide her smile. Adrien had been spending a lot of time with her, and every afternoon they spent together made it that much easier for her to speak to him and see the time as hanging out as friends, not as a potential lead-up to a date. She could enjoy their time together fully, instead of being strung out and on edge.

It didn't take long for Marinette to get fully back into her schoolwork, continuing her slow edging forward ahead of the schedule. Despite her kwami's (and her mother's) worries, she really wasn't overworking herself. Pushing herself, maybe, but really, all Marinette was doing was putting her best foot forward and going at her own pace. It was just that her own pace was fast.

It was just that in class, they always had to slow down when someone didn't understand what was going on, which- well, in some classes, it could be pretty often. Then there were disruptions from people asking questions (or making comments about the famous people they had "met" that were somehow meant to be relevant to whatever they were doing) or having arguments, and the time spent handing out and collecting papers. There were breaks between classes, and even some classes where they ended up with extra, wasted time at the end of their class when they finished something early and didn't have enough time to start something new. That added up to a lot of time, it turned out, and with someone who was properly motivated, getting ahead in classes was a piece of cake.

Marinette was properly motivated. So motivated, in fact, that she completely missed Adrien calling her name from downstairs before coming up into her room, hair in disarray with sweat after his fencing lesson and backpack slung haphazardly over his shoulder.

"That doesn't look familiar. You must have passed us, then."

Marinette yelped, startling and whipping around. Adrien just looked amused at her reaction, pulling up his usual chair next to her. "Am I right?"

"Yeah, I'm working ahead," Marinette admitted, glancing back at her screen. "It gives me something to do. And when the curriculum was made, I think they factored in some interruptions during class, and I don't really have that. I mean, we had a meeting with a lawyer today, but that was kind of over lunch anyway so I didn't fall behind."

Adrien blinked, puzzled. "A lawyer?"

"My mom was talking to Madam Chamack, because they're friends, and she said that it would be the best idea," Marinette told him. "It'll get my expulsion cleared for sure, and will address some of the ongoing problems at the school."

A flash of uncertainty crossed Adrien's face and he started worrying at his lip. "So Ms. Bustier and Mr. Damocles will be getting in trouble, too, not just Lila?"

She had suspected that Adrien might have trouble with that. Marinette had too, because she had known Ms. Bustier for years now and for the most part, had enjoyed her as a teacher. But, well, it was impossible to ignore all of the serious missteps that Ms. Bustier had made. "Yeah. But if it was just Lila getting in trouble, then what happens down the road if another liar shows up, or just another bully in general, and they just keep doing the same thing where there aren't any punishments? I could handle it, but I couldn't always, and, well..."

"And not everyone is as resilient and brave as you," Adrien finished, the uncertainly on his face starting to ebb away. "And not everyone is as willing as you to stand up and fight, or help classmates. I know if it was me that Lila had targeted, I- well, I might try protesting, but I don't think it would go very far. I would end up homeschooled again for sure, and never get to go back to public school again."

"I think the rest of us would protest, and I would definitely go after Lila just like I am now," Marinette assured him. "But for kids in the future who might not have that- well, I don't want injustice to go unchecked. I'm not going to be surprised if someone gets akumatized over this, but better one or two people now than a whole slew of people in the future."

Adrien nodded, letting out a slow breath. "Yeah. Yeah, I can understand that. It makes sense, I was just surprised." He worried his lip, then perked up. "Oh, I meant to tell you right away- I think that Madam Mendeleev has caught on that Lila isn't telling the truth, because she isn't being as lenient with Lila as she used to be. She's not giving any accommodations whenever Lila tries to claim that she needs them because of some condition or another, and she's told Lila off about story time in her classroom."

Marinette giggled. "Oh, I would love to see that. I bet Lila is pretty mad about that."

"She's whined plenty, but I don't think that it's going to do much. Not if she doesn't have a doctor's note to back all of her 'conditions' up, and not when Madam Mendeleev has actually had students with some of the conditions that Lila has claimed before." Adrien grinned. "The look on Lila's face at that- oh, you should have been there. Al- some of the other classmates were scandalized that she was questioning a medical condition, and there was a whole thing- actually, I can see how you're getting so far ahead of us," Adrien interrupted himself with a snort. "Ten minutes of class, gone, just because of, uh, people pulling up sources on accommodating disabilities and trying to talk over Madam Mendeleev until they got sent to the office."

"Why do I get the feeling that you were referring to Alya?" Marinette asked with a sigh and a roll of her eyes. "Now she decides to go for her sources. She won't even entertain the idea of looking up sources for Lila's claims or for some of the stuff she posts on the Ladyblog, but the moment that someone questions Lila..."

Adrien quirked an eyebrow at her. "Should- should I ask?"

"Alya came over yesterday to update me on her 'investigation' and I commented on the fact that she wasn't even looking at Lila as a possibility even though she was the one leveling all of the accusations, and she got really ticked at me," Marinette told him. "She said something about making accusations without any evidence and being obsessed with Lila and then stormed out."

Adrien spluttered. "She- you- she accused you of making accusations without evidence? But you have a literal pile of evidence right over there- it's not hidden or anything! Like, it's super-obvious! How did she miss that?"

Marinette could only shrug. "You know Alya. When she gets focused on one thing, she just turns oblivious to everything else."

"That's frustrating." Adrien reached over to squeeze her hand comfortingly, flashing her a small smile. "I'm sure she'll be kicking herself once everything comes out."

"Yeah, especially because of the latest interview I got." Marinette reached forward, picking up the flash drive sitting next to her computer and waving it at him. "I got a brief interview with Ladybug, and she confirmed that the first time she heard of Lila was when she saw the video on the Ladyblog, and that she saw Lila throw away your father's book, and that she was in Paris on Heroes' Day, and that she's maliciously interfered with akuma battles before."

"Ooh, nice," Adrien said appreciatively. "That must have been hard to get, but that'll be good. And also a good way to point out to Alya that she literally didn't check anything."

Marinette could only smile. Actually, once she had gotten things set up, it had been quite easy to get the video. All she had really needed to do was record herself asking the questions, pitching her voice a little higher than usual, and then play them back while Ladybug answered the questions, doing her best to make it sound like she hadn't practiced already and pitching her voice slightly downwards.

The Miraculous would protect her identity no matter what, but there was no point in risking someone noticing that her voice and Ladybug's were incredibly similar.

"Are you almost done with evidence-collecting, do you think?" Adrien asked Marinette, giving the flash drive one last look before turning his attention to Marinette. "I mean, the sooner you break the news, the sooner you can come back."

Marinette winced. This was the news that she hadn't been looking forward to breaking. "Actually, I, uh..."

Adrien practically wilted. "You're not coming back?"

"My parents are really furious at the school," Marinette admitted. "We've been talking a lot, and I maybe hadn't told them everything that had been happening at school over the past few years with bullying and discipline, and- well, they said that unless there were significant changes, they don't want me going back. I'll be rejoining everyone in lycée," she added quickly before Adrien slouched straight off of his chair. "Which isn't that far off, really, in the grand scheme of things. And I can hang out with the class whenever, and if you want to come over like you are now, or over lunch..."

"So it's not like we won't be seeing you at all," Adrien finished, scooting closer to her. "I was worried about that."

Marinette flashed a smile at him. She was going to miss hanging out with people between classes, but sacrifices had to be made if she wanted to fully capitalize on her temporary homeschooling and it wouldn't be forever. "Right. I'll be right across the street, available to hang out. It's not the end of the word."

"And it gives me a reason to look forward to lycée," Adrien added on. He glanced at her computer screen, which still had her online school portal up. "And I was right, wasn't I? About you being ahead of Dupont now?"

"It wasn't hard," Marinette admitted. "You guys are behind, and when I work at my own speed, I can cover more than a day's work. So that's another reason it wouldn't really make sense for me to go back, because I'll be so far ahead. And it's probably going to be another week at least, because all of the legal stuff takes some time to put together and file."

Adrien nodded, still looking a bit let down. Clearly he had been hoping that Marinette would be returning to school soon, and as much as that made Marinette's heart race, she couldn't change her plans. "Right."

"But enough depressing stuff," Marinette decided, shutting her notebook and closing the school website before grinning up at Adrien. "Wanna play Mecha Strike?"

"That sounds perfect."

Marinette headed up the steps of the Italian Embassy, a spring in her steps. It hadn't taken long to set up an appointment to interview an ambassador and a couple other staff members at the embassy, and they were more than willing to spend a few minutes with her. She had promised not to take up too much of their time- after all, they had important work to do- and now she was arriving early, just to make sure that something like a delayed bus wouldn't make her late.

Not that she would have allowed a delayed bus to make her late. After all, Ladybug could cross Paris faster than any bus could, so if it had come to that, she would have just transformed and raced across the rooftops. It wouldn't be ideal- she didn't want Chat Noir to see her out and about and interrupt his school day because he thought that there was an akuma- but the option was still there.

"So I'm meeting with Ambassador Bianchi in ten minutes and Monsieur Moretti after that," Marinette told Tikki as she mounted the last few steps and headed for the door. "I tested all of the equipment last night, so that I know how it works and that it works. I checked to make sure that all of my previous footage was off, so I have plenty of space. Tikki, am I forgetting anything?"

"No, I don't think so!" Tikki chirped, sticking her head out of Marinette's purse briefly before vanishing back inside. "You're all set, Marinette!"

Giving a determined nod, Marinette pulled open the door, stepping inside the embassy. A cheerful lady at the welcome desk gave her directions to the ambassador's office, and Marinette strode as confidently as she could down the hallway and up the stairs to the second floor. There were more than a couple people wandering down the halls chatting in Italian, and Marinette caught flashes of conversations as she passed them.

It wasn't hard to find the ambassador's office- the embassy had good signage, she would give them that- and Marinette stepped in the open door, coming to a stop in front of Ambassador Bianchi's secretary's desk, where a oddly familiar woman sat.

Lila's mother. And it definitely was Lila's mother because behind her, pinned to a very full corkboard, was a picture of Lila and her mom together with an older couple.

Well. Maybe Lila had been lying about her mother being an ambassador or in any sort of top diplomatic position, but she was at least at the Italian Embassy.

"Ah, you must be Ambassador Bianchi's eleven o'clock appointment," Mrs. Rossi said, giving Marinette a friendly smile. "She said something about a student project?"

"Yes, I'm on my Foreign Relations unit right now and we're supposed to do a project on France's relationship with another country. My Nonna is Italian, so..." Marinette shrugged. It wasn't an entire lie. Even if Lila hadn't been in the picture, Marinette probably would have picked Italy to research. That, or China. "I decided to learn a bit more about the country that side of the family is from."

"How lovely!" Mrs. Rossi exclaimed. She smiled at Marinette. "Now, if you want to take a seat over there to wait, the ambassador will be about five minutes."

"Okay," Marinette said automatically, then paused. Maybe she already had all of the evidence she needed to get Lila in very deep trouble, but she couldn't deny that she was really curious about Lila's mom and what exactly was going on there. "Or, actually- if you're busy or don't want to, that's fine, but could I maybe interview you about what you do at the embassy as well?"

Mrs. Rossi perked up. "Oh, I think I can spare a few minutes for that! I never really get asked about what I do," she confided as Marinette quickly pulled out her camera and attached the microphone to it. "Which I can understand, because everybody always talks about the ambassadors and the ministers and they get the spotlight, but there's plenty of staff behind the scene who make the entire place run smoothly. There's a lot of work involved- I work overtime most days, but that's also because I'm still getting used to this job."

Marinette nodded as she checked both mic and camera to make sure that they were running. "When I was reading up on what an embassy does, it certainly sounded complicated! It's not a huge surprise that there are people behind the scenes making sure that everything gets done."

"It might surprise you how many people that information does surprise." Mrs. Rossi considered Marinette again, pausing. Marinette tried to not stiffen up. Had Mrs. Rossi realized who she was? "Forgive me for prying, but I'm curious- shouldn't you be at school right now? Did they give you a pass so that you could do the interviews?"

Marinette shook her head, feeling herself starting to relax. Maybe Lila had decided that her mom might be suspicious or decide to move her to another school if she reported any problems- real or imaginary- to her and so hadn't mentioned Marinette at all. "I'm being homeschooled at the moment- or, rather, I'm enrolled in an online school for the rest of collège."

"Oh, that's quite nice," Mrs. Rossi commented, perking up. "And smart, considering the akuma attacks here in Paris! My daughter's collège was closed for several months because of akuma attacks there- or maybe it was just one akuma who was taking forever to defeat, I don't remember- and I do worry about how that's going to impact her education. I'd have her switch schools, but I worry that other schools would have the same problem and the one she's at is quite highly rated." She sighed. "And Lila seems to have made quite a few friends there, and she's gotten a boyfriend, so I don't want to make her switch and I hadn't had the time to look into other options anyway."

...okay, this was interesting. It also answered the question of how Lila's mom hadn't noticed her skipping school for months on end, but Marinette was really wondering how busy Mrs. Rossi was if she hadn't even looked into Lila's claims. One simple Google search, and she would have found out that no such long-term akuma existed.

She also had questions about the boyfriend claim. Something told Marinette that Lila had probably claimed that she was dating Adrien, who was likely to be less than happy about that claim.

"Huh, I hadn't heard any news about any collèges being closed because of akuma," Marinette said instead of questioning anything, shrugging one shoulder. "Odd. But getting back on track..." She made a show of getting the camera properly lined up, then peered over the top. "Can you tell me what you do here at the embassy?"

Marinette was prepared.

Over the past couple of weeks, with Adrien's help and a bit of an assist from her family's lawyer, she had debunked pretty much all of Lila's lies. She had printed out pages of evidence and compiled video clips from the interviews she had done on flash drives. The lawsuits- both against the school and against Lila specifically- had just been filed, and Madam Chamack would be breaking the story that morning, while Marinette went in to confront Ms. Bustier and Lila.

Everything was ready, all of her evidence packed into her bag the previous evening, and Marinette was doing breathing exercises while waiting to head into the school. Her family's lawyer, several members of the school board, a substitute teacher, and a truancy officer were all waiting downstairs in the bakery, and would be accompanying her over.

A ding from her phone caught Marinette's attention, and she pulled it out of her purse. On-screen, there was a message from Adrien.

Looking forward to seeing you! You'll do great :)

Smiling, Marinette tapped out a quick reply before sending it and heading downstairs. Nerves were really building in her stomach now, but she pushed them back down. She had faced akumas and supervillains before. This would be a piece of cake.

"The bell has rung," Madam Rochefort commented, glancing up from her tablet. "Let's head over in five, to give people time to settle down."

Ms. Boutin flashed a grin at Madam Rochefort. "It's so odd, seeing you deliberately planning to make a scene during classes. Normally you're all about pulling teachers aside before or after school."

"They decided to make the accusations and expulsion a public spectacle, so I'm not going to grant them the privilege of resolving their problems in private." Madam Rochefort smiled at Marinette. "And I certainly couldn't deny Miss Dupain-Cheng here the satisfaction of throwing all of her evidence in her class's face."

Marinette smiled at that. She had been a little worried with all of the officials that had gotten involved that she wouldn't be able to carry out her (admittedly somewhat petty) plan, but they had been willing to accommodate her.

Five minutes later, they were marching over to the school. Ms. Boutin knocked on the large doors sharply, then stepped back to wait for an answer. Seconds later, Mr. Hapr��le opened the doors, annoyed look giving way to confusion.

"Good morning, we're from the school board," Madam Rochefort announced, ushering Marinette in ahead of her and flashing her ID at . "We've come to speak to a couple of the teachers and your principal."

Mr. Haprèle nodded, stepping to the side to let them in even as the confused look stayed on his face. Marinette led the way up to Ms. Bustier's classroom, excitement mounting in every step.

She could do this. Everything was labeled so there was no chance of her messing anything up. There was no need to go into detail for anything if she didn't want to. For once, other people could exert some actual effort and look at the evidence she had helpfully gathered for them instead of her having to explain each and every piece.

"Go get 'em," Ms. Boutin told Marinette, patting her arm. "And we're right here, waiting for our cue. They won't be able to ignore you this time."

Nodding, Marinette put on her Ladybug face, then turned towards the door. With one last deep breath, she shoved open the door, sending it flying open and drawing every student's eye to her as she strode into the classroom, confidence in every step.

"Marinette!" Ms. Bustier exclaimed, rising from her desk at the front. There was a frown on her face. "What are you doing here? You've been expelled, you're not allowed on school property, especially during school hours-"

Marinette's fierce expression cut her off. "Actually, I'm here to contest my expulsion. I think you'll find that none of the requirements for expulsion were even met. Additionally-" Marinette started digging in her bag, a frown flashing across her face as she realized that it might be a bit difficult to pull things out of her bag.

"I can hold your bag, Marinette!" Adrien offered at once, sliding out of his seat and coming up front to join her, taking her bag and flashing her an encouraging smile. You've got this.

"Thank you, Adrien." Marinette returned his smile, then returned to her earlier intensity. "As I was saying- no procedure was followed. The decision to expel me was entirely based on claims made by a lying, thieving, completely untrustworthy liar."

Lila gasped theatrically from her seat, which- surprise, surprise- was now next to Alya, in Marinette's old spot. "You're still trying to call me a liar? Just because you're jealous-"

Marinette cut her off, pulling the first stack of packets out of her bag while staring Lila down. "Evidence that Lila was lying about saving Jagged Stone's cat and knowing him at all. Almost all of which is public information, if anyone had bothered to look." She slammed the first packet down on Ms. Bustier's desk. "That she was lying about knowing Prince Ali." Another slam. "And that literally all of her supposed involvement in charity work and other organizations is a lie, as are all of the other connections that she claimed to have and that I'm not even going to dignify naming."

This slam was even louder. There were several flinches around the room. Lila was starting to look a little less confident, her eyes darting towards Ms. Bustier.

"And, most importantly." Marinette's eyes flashed back to Ms. Bustier, who was looking very taken aback. "Which the teachers here really should have looked into properly, instead of just blindly believing Lila. She was lying about being out of Paris at all and was using posters as her background when she called us, which should have been obvious to anyone with eyes, because there were exactly zero pedestrians or cars behind her. I found all of the posters she used with a very simple reverse photo search."

There were gasps at that, and Ms. Bustier pressed a hand to her chest, looking over at Lila.

"Additionally, as if the posters weren't enough, I have interviews with both Ladybug and Mrs. Rossi that confirm that Lila was in Paris for the entirety of the time that she claimed to be traveling." Marinette reached in the bag one more time, pulling out her flash drive. Lila had gone pale at that, and oh, it was so satisfying. "Those were both very interesting, actually. Ladybug told me that the first time she had ever heard of Lila was when she saw the Ladyblog video where Lila was claiming to be her best friend, and that Lila has hated her for calling her out of the lies. Additionally, Lila has deliberately gotten in the way of the superheroes during akuma battles in order to sabotage them, and she was in Paris on Heroes' Day as Volpina, who made the illusions of Ladybug and Chat Noir fighting."

There were gasps at that. Marinette was not done.

"And on top of that, Ladybug saw Lila throwing a book into the trash- a book that Lila stole from Adrien." Marinette's eyes narrowed at Lila, whose mouth was opening and closing wordlessly. "Because she had gotten what she wanted out of it, also known as the fake Fox Miraculous that she had just bought from a Gabriel shop."

"Which, I might add, she tried to pass off as the real Fox Miraculous right away," Adrien chimed in from next to her. "And that necklace was the same one that she said was from her grandmother and she claimed that Marinette stole."

"And, if that isn't enough, Mrs. Rossi thought that Lila was staying home because the school was closed due to an extended akuma attack," Marinette finished, a smirk flashing across her face at the look of pure panic that flashed across Lila's face. Clearly she had thought that Marinette was bluffing about meeting her mother."Because Lila told her that the principal was akumatized and therefore the school was closed." Against her better judgment, Marinette's eyes flashed towards Alya for a moment. "How's that for research and evidence, hmmm?"

"I- no-" Lila attempted, clearly scrambling to pull herself together. "That is- a misrepresentation of what- Marinette is just making things up, she's just jealous and bitter that I didn't let her bully me-"

"I have video evidence, Lila," Marinette told her, using her best cold, no-nonsense, I-am-a-superhero-and-you-WILL-listen-to-me voice. She could see several people shrink back, intimidated. "And an entire pile of evidence to disprove your other lies. And..." She reached into her bag for her final folder, opening it up and pulling out another packet before striding over to Lila and slapping it down on the desk in front of her. "A lawsuit against you, for slander with malicious intent."

"But Lila can't get in trouble with the law," Max protested from the back of the room. "She has diplomatic immunity because of her mother."

Marinette smirked at that. Lila was really wilting now. "Top diplomats might get diplomatic immunity for their families, sure. But the secretary for the ambassador certainly doesn't get immunity for her family."

There were gasps at that.

"Additionally, diplomatic immunity can be waived by the family member or the home country even if it did apply," Mr. Bernard announced, stepping into the classroom. "Which we have seen before, and if it had applied in this case, I'm sure we would see it again."

"Who are you?" Ms. Bustier asked, stepping forward. "This all seems like a lot of disruption, we are a school-"

"I am a truancy officer, and Ms. Rossi here is in quite a bit of trouble. Skipping multiple months of school is definitely grounds for punishment, particularly when I suspect that she forged her mother's signature on the school leave forms." Mr. Bernard flashed a doubtful look at Ms. Bustier. "If, of course, there was even an attempt at following procedure in that case."

Ms. Bustier flushed. "We- we were told it was a very last-minute trip, and that Mrs. Rossi was quite busy, and we wanted to be accommodating, so we waited until after the return to really push for ..."

"Procedure is not optional. It is there for a reason, to keep things like this from happening." Mr. Bernard did not look impressed, but he jerked his chin at Lila. "Ms. Rossi. Your mother has been contacted and is on her way. Collect your things at once."

Lila glanced around frantically, rather like a cornered rabbit, but all of her classmates were glaring at her. Slowly, she gathered up her things, picking up the lawsuit notice last, and then headed out after Mr. Bernard, dragging her feet the entire way.

There was a pause.

"It- well, it seems as though I owe you an apology, Marinette," Ms. Bustier finally said, sinking back into her seat. "I should have looked into things more thoroughly instead of letting them slide. I'll get your expulsion wiped off of your record at once, and you can return right away."

"Actually, I won't be returning to Francois-Dupont," Marinette informed her, ignoring the gasps from the class in favor of fishing out the last of her forms and setting it on Ms. Bustier's desk. "My parents don't think that the environment here is conducive to my learning experience, and they don't trust that there will be enough change in the remainder of the year to satisfy them."

Ms. Bustier reached across the desk for the form at once, her eyes going wide as she took in the top page. It was another lawsuit, this one against the school for not following proper procedure for expulsion and for failing to protect their students from a bully.

Marinette had been a little unsure about the last bit, but the school board had pointed out that, had any of the teachers looked into things, Mr. Bourgeois didn't actually have the power to punish the school for properly disciplining Chloe, and even if they couldn't be bothered to look that much up, they at the very least could have separated Chloe and Marinette into different homerooms instead of placing them together for so many years in a row. It wouldn't have been possible to place them in different classrooms every year- after all, Chloe bullied everyone- but getting a break every other year shouldn't have been too much to expect.

Having adults standing up to Chloe instead of leaving students to do that themselves shouldn't have been too much to expect, either.

"I'll be rejoining the class for lycée, but not before," Marinette added, because she could hear Rose starting to sniffle. "And I can hang out with you guys whenever, but my parents aren't at all happy with the administration here."

Rose managed a small smile when Marinette glanced her way, nodding in understanding.

"Speaking of people being unhappy with the administration, we need to speak to you, Ms. Bustier," Madam Rochefort announced, sticking her head through the door. She stepped aside to let the substitute teacher who they had brought in. "We'll go to Mr. Damocles' office, if you could."

Ms. Bustier nodded, even paler as she followed Madam Rochefort out. Marinette took that as her cue to leave as well, tucking her empty folder back into her bag and taking it back from Adrien. He was smiling at her, proud and a little sad at the same time.

"We'll miss seeing you during class," Adrien murmured in her ear as he slid Marinette's bag over her head, arranging it at her side before pressing a quick kiss to the side of her head. "But I know I'll visit as often as I can. For both the company and the food."

"Our door is always open for you," Marinette promised, trying not to flush and probably failing. Adrien was too cute for her blood pressure sometimes. "And you have my number, too. If you want to come over during lunch, too, you can."

Adrien perked up at that as he escorted her to the door. "I might end up never leaving if you keep inviting me over, just so you know."

Marinette giggled. As though she would actually ever complain about that. "We'll make up a bed for you."

"Very tempting." Adrien smiled at her, then glanced back into the classroom. The substitute teacher was looking back at him. "I have to go, but see you later?"

"Of course." With a final wave, Marinette stepped back, watching Adrien head back into the classroom before turning herself and heading back out of the school. She was by herself now, the school board members and lawyer and truancy officer all busy, but that didn't matter. She had done what she had come to school to do. The expulsion would be wiped from Marinette's record, and the faculty at Dupont would be given the help and training they needed to be far better teachers for the next set of students to come through and all of the students after them, too. On top of that, Lila had been taken down, her following gone and her reputation in shatters. With any luck, she would be removed from Paris entirely in order to keep her from getting akumatized again.

Hopefully her next set of teachers would be given a heads-up about Lila's tendency to make up stories so that no one else would have to go through the same thing that Marinette just had.

Humming to herself, Marinette paused at the crosswalk, waiting for the light to change. She had taken down one schoolyard bully and made life in Paris just that little bit better for everyone.

And now that that was over... well, now that she had more free time, she could turn her attention to a much bigger target. Hawkmoth had better beware, because before long, Ladybug was going to be on his case.

#Miraculous Ladybug #My writing #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #Pants on Fire

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ollieofthebeholder · 4 years

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leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall): a TMA fanfic

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Chapter 27: Martin

Jon has always been bad about actually stopping what he’s doing and getting lunch, but ever since Jane Prentiss came into their lives it’s only gotten worse. Sometimes Martin or Tim, or both, can coax him out to join them, but too often it’s met with a you go ahead, I just want to finish this up and the next thing they know it’s six o’clock and Jon hasn’t eaten since breakfast and has just one more thing to finish up before they can go. (He always insists that the others don’t have to wait for him, but that’s a lie; the one time they did all leave and let Jon stay to finish up what he was working on, they wound up having to call him, threaten to come back to the Institute and get him, and keep talking to him while he packed his things and got out the door.) They’ve taken to solving the issue by picking up an extra sandwich or something and bringing it back for Jon when they go to lunch.

Such is the case today. There’s a curry house opening about a ten-minute walk from the Institute that Tim wants to try, but he doesn’t want to go alone; Sasha isn’t all that fond of spicy food, so Martin agrees to go with him. Martin pops in to ask Jon if he wants to go, but Jon appears absorbed in his work and waves him off. Sasha promises to text if anything happens, and he and Tim set off.

It’s the first of October, the temperature hanging at about thirteen degrees following a rainy morning. The air still smells damp and earthy, and worms litter the sidewalks. Martin’s better about that than he used to be—when he was first going on walks with the Primes, during his initial recovery period, they learned very quickly that he needed to give it a good twenty-four hours after the rain stopped before he was able to go out without panicking about the worms—but still, he finds himself watching where he puts his feet very carefully.

Tim has to notice, but doesn’t mention it. Martin’s come to realize over the last year or so that that’s very much how Tim is; he’ll tease, sure, but never about something important. He does loop his arm through Martin’s, though. “Maybe I should start bringing a pack of cards with me to work or something. I bet we can drag Jon out of his office long enough to eat if we give him the chance to whittle away at your point lead, too.”

“I hope so. I’m pretty sure what he’s working on is just the stuff that can be recorded on the laptop, but…I worry. You know?” Martin thinks about the intense look Jon gets when they’re reading over something that they all suspect will turn out to be real. He doesn’t want to lose Jon, but the words stick in his throat.

“I know,” Tim says quietly. “I do, too.” He bumps Martin’s shoulder with his own. “Worry about you, too. I’ve seen the look on your face when you’re researching some of this stuff.”

“I don’t…really?” Martin’s stomach lurches. “I-I mean, it’s…it’s hard to walk away from and…”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed, but…never mind.” Tim falls silent.

Martin decides to wait him out and focuses on his footsteps until they get to the curry house. Because it’s a Saturday (and why they’re working on a Saturday is another issue entirely and allegedly involves a scheduling issue with some work needing to be done), and because it’s the grand opening, they expect a bit of a crowd; because of the rain, it’s not as bad as it could be, but there’s still quite a line and at first Martin thinks they’ll have to take their meals to go, which wouldn’t be a bad thing, honestly. He figures maybe they can get their orders, head back to the Institute, and convince Jon to stop and eat with them if they aren’t taking him out of the Archives. But a table opens up in the corner just as they get their order, and they manage to nab it before anyone else can.

Tim doesn’t go back to his original topic while they’re eating, which, honestly, Martin should have expected. They talk a little bit about the statements they’re investigating, most of which are probably going to end up in the Discredited section, and some about what they’re going to do for Jon’s birthday next week. Although they dance around the issue a bit since they’re in public, they both agree that they’ve somehow got to do something for Jon Prime as well. The memory of the sheer delight on Martin Prime’s face when they included him in Martin’s birthday celebration is hard to forget.

“You know they’d only just had their birthdays when…everything happened, right?” Martin asks as they head back to the Institute. The sun is making a valiant effort to poke through the clouds, and most of the worms seem to have either managed to clear the sidewalks or been removed, but he’s still watching the ground instead of what’s ahead of him and trusting Tim to tell him before he runs into someone.

“Who?” Tim asks, sounding confused.

“The Primes. Martin Prime told me on…our birthday? Jon Prime’s thirty-first was while they were in Scotland, like a week and a half, maybe, before the world ended.”

Tim hums. “What about Martin Prime’s?”

Martin hesitates. “It was, um, before that.”

“While he was still working with Peter Lukas,” Tim says flatly. Martin doesn’t respond. “Great. So he was—ugh. I wish I’d known that beforehand, I’d’ve…I don’t know, tried to do more for him. Being alone on your birthday—”

“Is something we’re used to,” Martin interrupts, a bit more sharply than he means to. “God, Tim, do you know when the last time was someone even bothered to acknowledge my birthday before last year? I was eight. Mum sure as hell wasn’t going to say anything about it, and my only friends were from school. Since my birthday was right in the middle of the summer holiday, I didn’t even get the teacher acknowledging it in class. Martin Prime’s twenty-ninth birthday happened less than a month after Jane Prentiss attacked, when Jon Prime and Tim Prime were still out on medical leave and it was just him and the Not-Sasha. His thirtieth birthday happened less than a month after—” His voice cracks and he can’t bring himself to say it. After your counterpart died. After Jon Prime wound up in a coma.

Tim stops dead on the sidewalk, mid-step. Martin pulls to a stop, too, and looks up at him. Before he can say anything, Tim turns and pulls him into a tight hug. Martin freezes for a second, then relaxes into it and hugs Tim back.

“I’m sorry,” Tim says in his ear. “You deserve better than that. We’ll do better for you. I promise.”

Martin exhales. “Thanks, Tim.”

They separate and head back into the Archives. Sasha looks up at them and smiles wryly when she sees the takeout box in Martin’s hand. “Might have to wait on that a bit. He’s got someone in there.”

Tim curses under his breath. “And nobody to cut the energy.”

“I offered to sit in with them both, but she insisted it would be fine. I couldn’t push it.” Sasha waves a hand at her computer. “Besides, I’m waiting on some reports to compile on—”

There’s a yell of pain from the direction of Jon’s office. Martin’s head jerks up, and the takeout container slips from his hand to the ground. He doesn’t even notice if it falls open or not, too busy rushing for the office door, Tim a half-step behind him. His fingers touch the knob just as there’s a second, louder yell.

“Jon!” Martin flings the door open and bursts into the room. Jon is standing behind his desk, head bowed and shoulders bent, one hand braced against the surface and the other pressing hard against his abdomen.

Jon looks up, his face tight and his eyes wide with pain and terror. “Michael,” he gasps. “H-he was here.”

“Oh, God.” Martin is at Jon’s side in a flash and reaching for him. He starts to pull him into a hug, then freezes when Jon lets out a small, distressed noise. “What happened? What did—are you hurt?”

“H-he—” Jon shifts his hand slightly, and now Martin can see something wet and red on his fingers. Blood. Oh, that’s not good. “His fingers—he—”

“Tim!” Martin barks. “We need the first aid kit. Now.”

“On it.” Tim turns on his heel and practically flies out of the office.

Martin guides Jon back into his chair and kneels down in front of him. “Here, let me see,” he says as calmly as he can, reaching for Jon’s hand.

Jon only presses his hand tighter against his side, despite the obvious pain it causes him to do so, so Martin stops moving. “He took her,” he gasps out.

“Took who?” Martin asks, a sinking feeling in his stomach.

“Th-the woman. Helen Richardson. She was—she was making her statement, I told her we believed her, she left and—and I thought—and then he was there and—” Jon swallows. He’s starting to tremble. “It was the wrong door, Martin. She went out the wrong door. He took her and I couldn’t—”

“Easy, Jon. Easy,” Martin says soothingly. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not! I should have—” Jon breaks off with a whimper. He’s really worked up, and Martin is worried about it.

He’s more worried about the injury, though, so when Tim returns an instant later with the first aid kit in hand, Martin immediately sets about unpacking the gauze and alcohol wipes.

“Okay, Jon,” he says. “I’m going to need to take a look at this. Tim, can you hold his other hand? I know this is going to hurt, but I need you to trust me, okay? I want to help.”

He’s talking to Jon like a frightened child, he knows that, but right now Jon looks like a frightened child, and anyway, he nods and takes Tim’s hand. Martin carefully pulls Jon’s hand away from his side. The fussy old-man cardigan Tim’s been teasing him about since day one is torn and wet to the touch, and when Martin shifts it aside, there’s already a dark stain on the turtleneck underneath. He tries to be gentle about lifting it up, but Jon cries out when he pulls the shirt away from the wound and tightens his grip on Tim’s hand.

“Sorry, sorry!” Martin says, feeling guilty. Tim murmurs soothing nonsense at Jon, squeezing his hand and wrapping his free arm around Jon’s shoulders. Jon’s breathing heavily, and one look at what Martin can see tells him that stopping the bleeding is more important than cleaning up the skin. He grabs a pad of gauze, folds it over, and presses it to where he’s pretty sure the wound is. Jon gives a strangled noise, but doesn’t flinch away.

The gauze soaks through far too quickly, and Martin shakes his head worriedly. He manages to unwrap a second piece of gauze and press it on top of the first without any difficulty, but securing it is going to be a problem. “Here, Jon, I need your help, okay? Come hold this for a second. Can you do that for me?”

Jon’s fingers are trembling as they brush Martin’s. Martin switches their positions as quickly as he can, helping Jon apply the right amount of pressure, then reaches over and grabs the medical tape. He rips off a couple of strips, then nudges Jon’s hand out of the way and secures the gauze as best he can. It’s not perfect, but it’ll hold long enough.

“You’re going to need stitches, I think,” Martin tells him, standing up and holding out a hand. “The clinic’s only a few blocks away. Do you think you can walk?”

Jon stares at Martin’s hand for a moment, then nods mutely and accepts it. He wobbles and winces as he gets to his feet, then stumbles against Martin’s side. He’s shaking all over, and Martin is really worried.

He looks over at Tim, who bites his lip hard before saying quietly, “Call if you need backup. I’ll—I’ll stay here and help Sasha handle Elias if he turns up.”

“The tape—statement—” Jon gasps and gestures at the silent recorder on his desk.

“We’ll listen to it,” Tim promises. “It’ll be okay, boss.”

“I’ll call,” Martin assures him. He wraps his arm around Jon’s shoulders and leads him out of the Archives.

Three blocks over and one block up. It really isn’t a long walk to the clinic, but Martin isn’t completely sure Jon’s going to make it at first without being carried. He keeps stumbling over his feet and stopping for breath. Martin encourages him, but he’s about three seconds away from scooping him up bridal-style and carrying him the rest of the way to the clinic. Somehow, though, they make it. Martin texts Tim to let him know they made it safely, then opens the door and steps in.

It takes Martin a second to recognize the person behind the reception desk; they’ve changed their hair, a green bouffant with a bleach-blond stripe just above black roots and the sides shaved, and Martin’s pretty sure there’s an extra cartilage piercing that wasn’t there before, but it could just be a brighter stud than usual.

“Hey, Zig,” he says in greeting as he ushers Jon up to the counter. “Love the hair.”

Zig looks up and breaks into a grin. “Martin, hey! Long time no see…whoa.”

“Worms,” Martin says succinctly. “Bit much for you all. It was also the middle of the night.”

“Valid.” Zig peers at Jon, who is managing to look both bewildered and terrified, then back at Martin. “Work-related?”

“Yep.”

“On a Saturday?”

Martin shrugs. “They’re doing work on Monday that we apparently can’t manage around, so Elias shifted the weekend. There are some questions I just don’t ask anymore.”

“Fair enough.” Zig waves in the direction of the door. “You know the drill. What am I warning the doc about?”

“Stab wound. Thanks, Zig.” Martin steers Jon through the mercifully empty waiting room. It usually is when he comes through here, but whenever there are people waiting, someone inevitably starts complaining and Zig—or whoever’s working reception—always has to lie and say they have an appointment.

Jon doesn’t say anything as Martin leads him on the familiar route—through the heavy blue door, turn left at the corridor with a nod to the nurse sitting behind the desk, three doors down and the last one on the right. The room is on the smallish side, with enough room for the exam table, a small counter with a sink, two overhead cupboards and a set of drawers under the counter. Two people fit comfortably, three is a bit of a squeeze, but Martin for all his size fits neatly enough into the corner and out of the way…usually. Today, though, Jon clings to his arm almost tight enough to hurt, and Martin knows he isn’t going anywhere.

“It’s okay, Jon,” he says gently. He’s still afraid, there’s no denying that, but he’s also a bit more relaxed now that they’re here. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? Not unless you tell me to.”

“No—stay—” Jon sounds slightly panicked. He closes his eyes and takes a couple deep breaths.

“I will. I promise. C’mon, come sit down. The doctor will be here soon.” Martin keeps his voice as low and soothing as he can as he leads Jon to the exam table and helps him settle onto it. “You’ll like him. He’s good at what he does.”

“You’ve…been here before,” Jon manages. He’s either in a lot of pain or he’s lost a lot more blood than is optimal, and Martin kind of hopes it’s the former so they don’t have to sit here while Jon gets a transfusion.

“Mm-hmm. Remember the day Basira dropped off that first tape, when I told you Diana used to send me on whatever errand she could think of to get me out of the library for a bit?” Jon nods, and Martin continues, “Well, one of those things was bringing people here. Whenever someone in Artifact Storage gets hurt beyond the help of a first aid kit, this is the nearest place. The staff’s really good, the care is excellent, and they…”

“Don’t ask questions?”

“Don’t question answers.”

Before Martin can elaborate, the door opens, and a silver-haired man in a white coat who looks like he was sent straight from Central Casting comes in, shutting the door behind him. He smiles when he sees Martin. “Ah, Martin, good. We were starting to wonder if something had happened to you.”

“I got shifted to the Archives,” Martin explains. “They tend to…leave us to our own devices.”

“Well, they need to stop doing that. Everyone’s so damned close with their secrets. It makes things remarkably difficult.” The doctor turns to Jon with a warm smile. “Hello. I’m Dr. Early. What seems to be the trouble today, Mr…?”

“Uh, Sims. Jonathan Sims.” Jon blinks, looking a bit dazed, and glances helplessly at Martin.

“Mr. Sims, then. I hear you’ve a stab wound?” Dr. Early lifts an eyebrow in Martin’s direction. “That’s a new one. You must’ve got a really interesting artifact in. Did it explode or did you just not notice how close you were to the pointy bits?”

“It was a person this time. Jon’s the Head Archivist,” Martin says. “We don’t deal so much with…things.”

“Oh? Do tell.”

Martin glances at Jon, who still looks a little stunned. “Um, unexpected visit from a being that thrives on the fear of confusion, currently in the shape of a blond man with knives for fingers? I…don’t know the details beyond that, sorry.”

“Mm. Well, Mr. Sims, I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you.” Dr. Early looks Jon over and gentles his voice. “Can you please tell me what happened?”

“Uh—” Jon looks worriedly up at Martin again.

Martin squeezes Jon’s hand. “I usually just tell him exactly what happened. It’s okay.”

“It’s a lot harder to treat someone if I’m lied to about the cause,” Dr. Early explains. “Or given vague, incomplete explanations. Which is why we’ve all been extremely annoyed that they’ve been sending people who are either protective of their work or afraid of being sent to the loony bin. I can assure you, we don’t commit people from the Magnus Institute, and we’re not interested in spreading your research around, either. Martin here is very straightforward and honest and it’s a great help. We’ve missed him a lot.”

“I can understand that,” Jon murmurs, and Martin’s face gets hot. “A—a man came to—h-he appeared and—” He breaks off. “I-I’m sorry, I don’t—I can’t—”

Dr. Early looks at Martin, obviously concerned. Jon can’t seem to get his thoughts straight, which the good doctor obviously thinks means he’s more badly injured than he is. Martin knows Jon, though, and he knows he’s just scared and confused. He takes both of Jon’s hands in his own. Maybe he’ll talk to Martin.

“Jon,” he says, gently but forcefully. “Look at me, okay? Focus on me. What happened?”

Jon’s eyes clear—he’s still frightened, but at least he’s focusing, which Martin appreciates. “Helen Richardson—she came to make a statement, she encountered Michael after all. I told her I believed her and we would do what we could to protect her, and then she left. I was getting ready to come out and tell Sasha I was heading down into the tunnels, to—to tell you and Tim not to worry about me—when I heard a voice asking me if I was who I was pretending to be. There was a man standing there and I started to say he didn’t belong there, but then I realized who he was and asked if he was Michael. He said he was, and—I said Helen had escaped, and he said she hadn’t, that there had never been a door there. I tried to get him to give her back, and when he said no, I stood up, I was—I don’t know what I was going to do, something, but he just—reached out and dug his finger into my side, just like Sasha described in her statement, but—it wasn’t to help, it was to hurt. It did hurt, and I—I asked why he was doing this, and he—he didn’t answer, he just…” His voice cracks. “I-I couldn’t stop him, Martin, I couldn’t save her—”

“Hey, easy, easy,” Martin says as soothingly as he can, even as his heart sinks. “It’s okay, Jon. You did your best. It’s not your fault. Tell me what his fingers looked like.”

“U-um, like—like knives. Long and skinny a-and sharp.”

“Were they straight, jagged…?”

“Straight,” Jon says after a short pause. “Like—like my paper knife, the one I—they weren’t metal, they were bone.”

Martin glances up at Dr. Early, who makes a motion like he’s washing his hands. Martin understands. “Were they clean?”

“I—I didn’t notice? They were yellow. Like old bone. I-I didn’t see any dirt or, or blood, but…”

“All right. Let me take a look at it,” Dr. Early says calmly. “Where is it?”

Martin steps to one side and releases one of Jon’s hands; Jon clings too tightly to the other for him to let go and indicates the injured spot with his now-free hand. Dr. Early carefully lifts the shirt and inspects the double layer of gauze. “I’m going to need to peel this off, Mr. Sims. This might hurt a bit.”

It does, judging by the way Jon’s fingers tighten around Martin’s as he hisses at the tug against his skin; Martin silently gives thanks that the Primes bullied him into taking care of himself properly and his wounds healed well, because otherwise this would hurt more than it does. As it is, he can bear up silently as Dr. Early removes the tape as carefully as he can and lifts the gauze from the wound. Fresh blood wells up as soon as it’s clear, and Jon screws his eyes up tightly.

“Mm, yes, this is going to need a few stitches.” Dr. Early speaks calmly. “Go ahead and take your shirt off and lie back. I’ll go get my supplies and be right back. Do you have any allergies, any medications you’re currently taking, any medical conditions that might interfere with the anesthesia?”

“Don’t—” Jon’s eyes pop open and nearly burst out of his skull, and his breathing starts getting shallow and panicky. “No, please, don’t—”

“All right, we can do this without anesthesia,” Dr. Early says without batting an eyelash. He’s used to the quirks and foibles of the Magnus Institute’s staff, and he’s probably used to people panicking, too. “I’ll go get my supplies and be right back.” He meets Martin’s eyes, flicks a finger at the exam table, and vanishes.

Martin exhales. “Okay, Jon. Let’s get you lying down so we can get this taken care of.”

“Don’t leave.” The raw panic in Jon’s expression is almost painful to look at.

Martin almost leans over to brush a kiss against Jon’s forehead, then catches himself at the last second and simply touches his own forehead to Jon’s briefly. “I’m not going anywhere, Jon. I promise. Might have to stand over there so I’m out of the way, but—”

“N-no—I can’t—I can’t be alone when—” Jon tightens his grip on Martin’s hand. “Th-the last time…I almost didn’t wake up. I don’t—I need someone to—”

That is not information Martin wants to have, let alone information he wants to gain right then, although distantly he supposes he’d need to know it at some point. “You won’t be alone. I promise. I’ll be right here. Doc will probably let me hold your hand, I just might have to—to be behind your head or something. We’ll see. Let’s just get you lying down, okay?”

Jon exhales and nods. “Okay.”

Martin helps Jon take off his ruined cardigan and turtleneck, then lie back against the paper-covered exam table. He tries to focus on Jon’s face so he doesn’t have to look at the gash in his side. “It’s going to be okay,” he tells Jon, and he’s not sure if that’s a promise or a threat, but he means it with every fiber of his being. Everything will be okay if he personally has to take down every entity and being that serves them armed with nothing but a corkscrew and his mediocre poetry.

Jon keeps his eyes fixed on Martin’s, even as Dr. Early comes back into the room with his little kit. He takes one look at the two of them and doesn’t even bother to shoo Martin into the corner. “Great, you’re all set. This might hurt a bit, but I’ll try to be as quick and careful as I can.”

The wound is a bit bigger than Jon implied, once Dr. Early has irrigated it, but at least the edges appear to be clean. Jon occasionally lets out a small, breathy whimper, but for the most part just clings to Martin’s hand, while Martin rubs his thumb soothingly against Jon’s skin. While Dr. Early works, he asks Martin about his scars, and Martin readily tells him about Jane Prentiss and the worms. The fear in Jon’s eyes never goes away, but it doesn’t get worse either.

“All finished,” Dr. Early says at last. “You can sit up now, Mr. Sims. Keep the area clean and try not to agitate it. You can come back here or go to your regular doctor in about a week to have the stitches removed.”

“Thank you,” Jon says softly.

“Anything for a friend of Martin’s.” Dr. Early flashes Martin a smile as he tries not to blush. “We’ll send the bill to the Institute as usual. Do take care, both of you.”

“Thanks, Doc,” Martin says. Dr. Early gives him a wink, collects his supplies, and heads out the door.

Martin helps Jon sit up, gently but firmly stopping him from touching the row of sutures punctuating his abdomen. He starts to hand him his shirt, then pauses, looking at the tear and the bloodstain. “Think this shirt might be a wash.”

“I never liked that color,” Jon whispers, but sighs and reaches for it anyway. “I—I can’t—it’s too cold to go shirtless.”

“Wait, here.” Martin takes off his sweater—he’s got another shirt on underneath it, so it’s fine—and bundles Jon into it before he can protest. He’s so used to seeing Jon Prime wearing Martin Prime’s sweaters that he expects this will be the same, but somehow it isn’t, because this is Jon and it’s his sweater, and even though he tries to remind himself it’s just for convenience’s sake, he can’t deny that it does something to his heart to see Jon, still shaking and vulnerable, huddled in the very first sweater Martin ever completed all on his own.

“Thank you.” Jon looks up at Martin, his eyes huge.

“Of course.” Martin puts an arm around Jon’s shoulders. “You ready?”

Jon nods and lets Martin lead him out of the exam room. Zig gives them a wave and a smile as they head out the door, which Martin returns.

It’s not that cold outside; it’s actually probably the warmest it’s been all day, but there’s a bit of a breeze going that keeps it cool. Martin has enough body fat that he’ll be all right, though, so he concentrates on keeping Jon from blowing away and moving in the right direction. Jon’s pretty pliable, tucked close against Martin’s side, and they’re definitely moving better than they were when they left the Institute, for which Martin is incredibly thankful, especially when the clouds thicken and it starts raining again just before they get back. Martin shields Jon with his body and takes the brunt of the wet, although it’s fortunately not too bad and they get through the Archive door with little more than a sprinkle.

Tim must have been watching the door, because he’s right there almost before they make it all the way down the steps. He grins a little when he sees Jon in Martin’s sweater, but there’s still worry in his eyes. “Hey, boss. All better?”

Jon shakes his head mutely, and Tim’s smile vanishes. Martin decides to blame the chill that runs down his spine on his slightly damp cambric shirt. “Jon, what’s wrong? Where are you hurt?”

“No, not—” Jon wraps his arms around his midsection and tucks his chin against his chest, eyes closed and looking absolutely miserable. “I-it’s my fault, I—I couldn’t—”

“Hey.” Martin pulls Jon into a hug and glances up at Tim, who instantly joins in. They’ve done this a lot lately, the three of them, a small part of his brain muses. Whenever one of them—Jon or Tim, really—has a bit of a breakdown, can’t be strong enough, the other two gently pen them in and do their best to comfort. He pushes the thought aside for the moment. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t ask to get hurt.”

“No, Helen, I—I couldn’t—I should have been able to stop her. It’s my fault,” Jon whispers, balling a hand into Martin’s shirt. “I let Michael get her and I could have saved her.”

“You couldn’t have,” Tim says, gently but firmly. “The Primes tried to warn her and she still fell for it.”

“But I-I knew, I should have known, the door was all wrong, and he’s right, there’s never been a door on that wall, I-I didn’t even notice…God, I thought Jon Prime didn’t notice because he was so—so paranoid, but I wasn’t, I was paying attention the whole time and he still got her…”

“Jon,” Martin says, half scolding and half pleading. Jon’s beginning to—there’s no other word for it—spiral and if they don’t divert it he’s going to break. “You did everything you could. We all know that. You couldn’t have saved her any more than you could have saved some of the people in these other statements. It’s not your fault. I promise. It’s not your fault any more than it’s mine, or Tim’s.”

Jon looks up at Martin. His eyes shine with unshed tears. “Y-you weren’t even here.”

“Exactly,” Tim says, obviously picking up on Martin’s thoughts, and when had they come to know each other so well? “If we’d been thinking about it, we’d have asked the Primes when Helen Richardson came, and we’d have made sure to be here all day so we could have helped. We could have all sat in with her while she made her statement, and surely one of us would have noticed the door was wrong. Or held the right door for her or something.”

Martin takes a risk and runs his hand through Jon’s hair; Jon leans slightly into the touch like a cat. “And it’s not like we would have been able to keep Michael from ever taking her. We can’t guard her all the time. How would you have felt if she’d made it out of the Institute safely, and you’d called her to follow up on the statement and found out she was gone?”

“At least the last thing she saw was a friendly face,” Tim points out softly. “At least this way she wasn’t alone.”

Jon closes his eyes and sags in their embrace. “She wasn’t,” he agrees. “But that’s worse. I-I should have walked her out.”

Martin inhales sharply, and when he looks over Jon’s head he sees the same stark fear in Tim’s eyes he feels in his own as both of them contemplate the possibility of Jon accidentally opening Michael’s door, stepping through it, getting lost in those corridors. He tries to keep his voice from shaking as he says, “And if that just meant both of you were in there? What then?”

Jon simply repeats, “I should have done more.”

And there’s really nothing either Tim or Martin can do right now to convince him otherwise, so they settle for holding him until he stops shaking so badly, then coaxing him to sit down while Tim reheats the curry for him. He claims it’s good, and Martin believes him, but it doesn’t mean they stop worrying.

Especially not when Jon refuses to let anyone else open a single door for the rest of the day.

#leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall)#ollie writes fanfic #tma #the magnus archives #panic attacks cw #blood cw #injuries cw #medical treatment cw #implied/referenced emotional abuse #for everyone who was wondering about Helen's fate #here ya go

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temporoom · 3 years

Text

Kind of wanted to get this out of my mind quickly, so uhm... kind of a personal post? Semi-vent with heartfelt ending? Anyway. If you are uncomfortable with this feel free to just keep scrolling.

WARNING: Internalized homophobia, dubious consent (?)

One of the things that has been bothering me recently is my sexuality. It’ll probably seem weird to old followers because I never hid being bisexual, and most of stories reflect that (since I write all my characters bisexual unless mentioned otherwise). But recently, my certainty was doubted. And I’ve been thinking back to who I am attracted to.

Back in January, I got a boyfriend, with whom I broke up with a first time after a few weeks, before getting back together only a week after, and definitely broke up with him around a month ago. The reason for that was mostly because of the sudden and brutal realization that I might be just not attracted to men at all.

I luckily didn’t grew up in an environment that would make me ashame of whatever sexuality I might have, but my father always insisted on perpetuating lineage for some reasons, and since my father’s way of thinking corresponded to me more, it also stuck in my head in a way. And so, I always imagined my future with a man despite knowing I was attracted to girls, because I wanted to stay true to that principle (and also because I liked the idea of being married and having children). But that future was only seen as something that would suddenly happen, and I never actually imagined having a passionate relationship with anyone. In my head, I would be single and then married, without any of the in-between that normal couples would have. Romances described by others was nice to witness, and I enjoy it, but I never saw it for myself.

And then, I went from single to the social statue of being in a “couple”. Not only did I lost that statue of being single, but then I realized that I had to be with another human being. That realization was one of the reasons I broke up the first time. I wasn’t ready. But it was tense at home at the moment and I ended up being touch-starved and needing something outside of the safe environment I grew up in, and so I accepted going out with him again after he asked me while I was in a moment of weakness. (He is a very cool guy don’t worry)

The first time I was confused, because I never imagined anyone falling for me ever, and the first person who asked me to go out with them just happened to be head over heels for me (no one asked me out before, and no one ever fell in love with me before). So I thought that I might just needed to clarify our feelings, and put some effort in the relationship to make it work out this time. I was feeling bad for this poor guy who I was treating as a test subject for relationships, but I really needed to think about something else at that moment. And so I put the effort. I held his hands, I accepted physical contact, I acted sweet and all...

And it felt like a performance. Which in a way I knew it was, because I knew I wasn’t in love like he was in love with me.

I thought it was fine, and I could keep up like this. After all, he was everything I could ask for in a guy, and I should be happy. And so I put in the effort... And the relationship advanced quicker than I would have expected.

As he was touching me, I suddenly felt like I was dissociating, I was seeing myself on the third person, controlling a character and not my own body. “I’ve seen it act like this, so I should do like this right?” before I realize it, it was starting to become too close to something too deep, and when I came back to my senses... I was terrified. I was terrified and scared. He kindly asked me if I wanted to stop, and I said yes. He hugged me for a while, and I waited, eyes open in the dark, for him to fall asleep so I could sneak out of bed. He noticed, and let me be, moving a way. I stayed there, eyes open in the dark, heart beating fast, but it was nothing romantic, just irrational fear. I ended falling asleep for a couple of hourse before waking up earlier than I ever did. I went to the bathroom with my clothes in my arms, dressing up there before he could my body again, and then I sat at the end of the bed on the ground, staring at the wall, feeling like I would cry.

I came to the same conclusion as before, doing someything with another human being was just plain terrifying. But something else came to me at that moment... the face of a girl I knew back in high school. This girl was a rollercoaster of emotion for me, she had a boyfriend but was flirty with anyone, and when she had noticed that she had an effect on me... She had taken full advantage on it. Grazing my arm in class with her nails, hugging me tight while pressing her entire body against mine, showing herself of to me in the changing room after gym class... She had drove me crazy. She was also the one who made me realize I could have sexual desire... What I didn’t had with my boyfriend at that moment.

I thought back to when she had allowed me to touch her stomach, how my body had felt like I was burning, the electricity coursing through it just from the contact of my hand with her skin... When it had been with my boyfriend... It had felt empty, and I had quickly went back to analyzing the forms of the body like an anatomy book.

And sitting on the ground, staring at the wall, the dim light of the morning lightening up the room, I realized I liked girls. Only girls.

I wasn’t sure at that moment, so I was still denying it in my head. “No I just can’t make it work out with him. It’s fine. Maybe I will find someone else, and I will have children, and everyone will be happy and... My brother can’t have children, my sister can’t either... If I can’t, if I can’t then I will be useless.” I ended up messaging a friend about it, because I needed to vent to someone, and she listened willingly, but agreed that she couldn’t really help me on that matter. And I knew that even with seeing a therapist, I was the only one who could know.

Words from friends and family came back to my mind as days passed by “I imagined a future where we had families, and you were married to a beautiful woman.”, “You often talk about girls, but you don’t seem attracted to men.”...

“What do you prefer?” She had asked in the dark classroom, her eyelashes fluttering, her fingers tracing patterns on my arms, a sly smile on her pink lips. “Boys... or girls?”

“Both.” I replied quickly, my breath getting caught in my throat, I could feel the red burning on my cheeks.

She hummed, as if she knew, as if she knew I wanted to reply “You.”

As if reading my mind, youtube started recommending me Tiktok compilations of lesbians Tiktok. It was stupid, but I needed answers, and so I clicked on the video.... and then another... and a third... It was enjoyable to watch, but nothing gave me a clear answer. It was always of girls confident in their sexuality, or who wanted to show off their relationship... It didn’t help me. And then one thing stood out between them all, a skit explaining how internalized homophobia worked on lesbians.

Attracted to fictional male character, but not real men.

Wants to date girls, but see themselves marrying a man.

Reassured by being identified as bisexuals...

Some other stuff too. But those three stood out to me. And another on poped up, about a woman explaining how anxiety can make some girls confuse it for attraction due to the similar feeling of nervousness it gives.

At that point, I knew I was a lesbian, and I had broken up with boyfriend for good this time. Yet, I couldn’t accept it.

“What scares you about being attracted to girls?” Asked my mother, a sorry look in her eyes, as if she was asking what she did wrong to make me feel that way.

As if I could cry at any moment, my emotions tried to fight with my reasons. “I don’t know.” It didn’t make sense, ther was nothing rational about fearing being attracted to women.

I started dreaming of heterosexual relationships, dreams that I would live like nightmares, as if I was back with him, performing again, smiling like a good girlfriend and doing what people asked me to... One was sexual, it wasn’t consensual, but I couldn’t see his face, so I thought it was “fine”. If I couldn’t see the face it was fine. There was no logical reasons to be afraid. Maybe I was attracted to men after all? Maybe I could still not be a disappointment...

Why did it bothered me so much? It wasn’t that big of a deal. It’s just how society works, it wants you to find your little box to fit, and you have to act like it, where is your box? Where is the box you fit in? But I couldn’t fit in the box I wanted to, I couldn’t, neither as a bisexual person, or as a lesbian liked described in all the videos I’ve seen.

I felt more uncomfortable each day. Being with a human was terrifying, being attracted to girls was terrifying...

This night I dreamt of kissing a girl. She wasn’t someone I had knew, and yet, her face was detailed, as if she had been real, and right before me at that very moment. We talked, and her voice was soft, and our lips touched, and my body was mine, not one fabricated by my mind, and she said it was beautiful. She smiled, and I felt... at peace. Like I could see a future with this girl I just met. Our hands touched, and I woke up alone. The memory of her lips still on me.

It was my first time dreaming of a girl like this, and it was nothing like any dreams I had before, it made me feel good, at peace, as if it was where I belonged, and where I was meant to belong all my life.

“I like girls.” I thought, and then I smiled. “I like girls.”

And I couldn’t get why I was afraid before, because that feeling of love I had felt in my dream was amazing. It was more real than anything I had felt before. I wanted to cherish it.

This morning I woke up, thinking that I like girls. That it was alright to just think that, hope for that, and hope for something else as well. And I felt at peace.

I’m sorry to my ex if you’re reading this, you did nothing wrong, you were the best guy anyone could ask for... I’m just gay. And it’s time for me to accept it once and for all.

Oh and thank you to anyone who read it until the end. I’m sorry I had to vent here, but I felt like I had to write it somehwere. Thank you for being patient with me!

6 notes · View notes

altumvidetur · 5 years

Text

Haikyuu!! Fic Recs (MatsuHana)

Fic Recs Masterpost

So, I was thinking about the coronavirus pandemic and what I could do to help people out. I’m isolated because I’m at higher risk, so I can’t really offer to go out for my elderly neighbors or my family… but I thought I could try to help keep people entertained.

Because I don’t have an AO3 account right now, I’ve been compiling fic recs for my own amusement for a year or so. And I thought – maybe that’s the time to share these with everyone? So everyone will have plenty of things to read while they have to stay at home, or even to escape anxiety a little bit if you’re forced to go out.

Of course, these cater to my own tastes, so you may find stuff you don’t like around here. I never include works in progress. The Mature and Explicit works will be in italic. I ask you to READ THE WORK’S TAGS before continuing, so you won’t find anything that makes you uncomfortable.

I’ve decided to split it in a series of posts, starting with my OTPs. So here we go with some MatsuHana!

rated m for, by orphan_account

He should have known that there was a Specific Reason™ why it was so absolutely vital that he and Matsukawa specifically meet for a reading of the script. He should have known that there had to be some evil catch beyond sitting in a tiny, cramped studio with his newly sworn enemy.

Hanamaki stares at the title of the script he’d so gracefully neglected the night before.

FORBIDDEN PARADISE

“Excuse me,” Hanamaki starts, raising a pen in the air while staring blankly at the packet in his free hand. “Just to clarify, you want me to record a boy's love CD with Matsukawa?”

of weather, of leisurely tensions, by b_minor

Two boys share an umbrella.

Don’t Lie, Bright Eyes, by tookumade

“Where do you see yourself in twenty years?”

It’s nearly one in the morning and Matsukawa, tucked up comfortably in bed next to Hanamaki, is on the verge of drifting off into blissful sleep when the question stirs him.

“Why are you trying to give me a late-night existential crisis?” he mumbles.

(written for Haikyuu!! MatsuHana Week - Day 4 - leaving home)

Roses, by h_lovely

(Summary by me: slow burn, friends to lovers, things are kinky, I’m pretty sure this is the best MatsuHana I’ve ever read.)

You’re in Pink (and I’m in blue), by Hyeyu

Takahiro held his gaze a few seconds in silence before he sighed. "...It's only been a week, okay? S'not serious yet."

“Not serious yet?” Something jumped in Matsukawa’s jaw and he abruptly released Takahiro’s hand, sending the petals cascading to the ground. Takahiro was going to have to clean them up before the others started streaming into the clubroom, and wouldn’t that be fun. “You’re coughing up fucking flowers, Hanamaki.”

“Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.”

Hanamaki Takahiro has 99 problems and Hanahaki flowers make up 98 of them.

Good Bad Ideas, by tookumade

When Oikawa asks his friends to help out at his nephew’s birthday party, they get a little more than they bargained for.

(written for Haikyuu!! Rarepair Week - Day 1 - beginnings, celebration)

texting (with a capital S), by parenthetic

Hanamaki breaks his No Texting In Class rule, and it's all downhill from there.

Wet Your Whistle, by darkmagicalgirl

Hanamaki gets a job as a bartender. Matsukawa likes his uniform. (Alternatively: Matsukawa tries to ignore his huge crush on his friend-with-benefits. He fails.)

[obnoxious clucking noises], by parenthetic

On the last night of their last training camp together, Oikawa has a bad idea, Hanamaki goes along with it, Iwaizumi sort of wishes he had better friends, and Matsukawa proves himself to be particularly adept at intimidation tactics.

Love Doesn’t Come with an Instruction Manual, by plumtrees

Seijou 3rd years (now college freshmen) go to ToyCon. Oikawa has a spaz attack over Star Wars, Iwaizumi is his designated babysitter, Hanamaki is adorable, and Matsukawa doesn't know how to deal.

Here Today And There Tomorrow, by tookumade

A first meeting on opposite sides of the volleyball net, and chance meetings afterwards without it.

A Ring of Cream, by plumtrees

Hanamaki has never been one for grand romantic gestures, has never been one for romantic gestures at all, but Matsukawa's a stubborn guy.

Who can't bake for shit.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa (mostly Iwaizumi, really) to the rescue.

Morning Glory, by darkmagicalgirl

On their days off, Hanamaki and Matsukawa's mornings follow a sort of routine.

Even Though It All Went Wrong, by plumtrees

It hadn’t always been so cold. Matsukawa remembers a time where the sun shone high, its rays bright and its heat pleasant like a blanket against his skin. He remembers Hanamaki holding his hand, remembers his cheeks hurting because he’d been grinning so much. Hanamaki had opened his arms wide, and Matsukawa ran straight for them, like he’d been magnetized. He picked up Hanamaki easily and twirled them around, danced with him until they both tumbled along the grass, laughing like idiots.

He remembers because it’s all he can do now.

Crescendo, by plumtrees

Day 1 for MatsuHana Week: Online

The voice continues to feed him instructions, the deep rumbling purrs reverberating across his body, each hiss and click of a consonant like a sharp bite, each roll of his tongue a slide of silk against his overheating skin.

Fuck, he loves it.

Somewhat Well-Kept Secrets, by tookumade

“Why don’t they just… date already?” said Iwaizumi.

(written for Haikyuu!! MatsuHana Week - Day 2 - cream puffs, in the background)

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time, by plumtrees

Day 3 of MatsuHana Week: Tattoos and Flower Shops

Hanamaki, cheeks as pink as his hair, says, "I was drunk."

"Okay?" Matsukawa prompts.

"And it's way too expensive to laser something this big."

Holy shit. "Okay?"

"Look, can't we just go with 'I made horrible life decisions in college that are now coming back to haunt me' and move on?"

morning, noon, night, by b_minor

A day in the life of two losers in love.

on the anatomy of crushes, by carafin

A part-by-part dissection of their relationship. Medical school AU.

‘See you tomorrow?’ Hanamaki asks. He’s still smiling faintly, still carrying about his usual air of quiet self-assurance, but there’s no mistaking the hopefulness in his voice. ‘On the bus, I mean.’

‘Yeah,’ Matsukawa says, and tries not to make it sound too much like a promise. ‘See you tomorrow.’

(Falling in love is really, ridiculously easy.)

Dating Is Not A Nine-To-Five, by tookumade

“What if,” said Hanamaki in a whisper, “we walk in and there’s a yakuza member getting his tattoos done, and he tries to kill us because we saw his face?”

(written for Haikyuu!! MatsuHana Week - Day 3 - tattoos and flower shops, coffee shop)

To Fit Myself In The Spaces Between, by tookumade

It's late, a boring movie is on TV, and the remote control is nowhere in sight—and that suited them just fine.

(written for Haikyuu!! MatsuHana Week - Day 4 - midnight, no control)

It’s not even close to your birthday, by squidmemesinc

The shoes look like they could be some kind of gothic lolita item, with thick, tall heels and Mary Jane straps that have little silver hearts on them. The socks are simple except that they run all the way up to his mid-thigh; the crisp white makes enough of a contrast with his skin that the colors flatter each other, rather than subdue them. Then there's the dress. It's just plain black, short and slim, though the skirt flares out at the waist. Takahiro's eyes run up it, stalling where it cuts off around the shoulders and has a wide boat neck trim with a thick ivory collar. The final piece is a simple pink ribbon—not even a necklace, just a ribbon—tied around his neck with the bow in the back.

Where Was I, When The Rockets Came To Life, by tookumade

In a city like this, there wasn’t much of a chance that they would meet again, and given Hanamaki’s current career of choice, if they did, then it was more than likely to be because of a cruel joke set up by fate. He was not about to let his heart be broken now. He had more important things to think about…

(written for Haikyuu!! MatsuHana Week - Day 5 - glasses, piercing)

not like the movies, by bravely

“Here,” he says, offering the thumb back to Hanamaki. Absentmindedly, Hanamaki licks it back off. “Thanks.”

Then he blinks.

“Wait,” he says. “Shit, wait. Was that supposed to be romantic just then?”

“ — Well.” Matsukawa clears his throat. “You tell me, I guess?”

No One Else Like You, by auber_jean

"It’s not at all liberating to finally have it said out loud, because it makes it all that more real, and Matsukawa was doing really well pretending that he wasn’t in love with his best friend."

With the turn of graduation, Matsukawa finds himself choosing between a future that he has planned or something more.

live it up, drink it in, by puny

Hanamaki's not a detective, just a wing spiker with a hangover, but he's gonna figure out who gave him all these hickeys if it damn well kills him.

Begin, by Karasuno Volleygays

It's the last day of their high school years and the first day of the rest of their lives. As they spend the night under a blanket of stars, they can't help but wonder where will they go from here?

Playing Doubles, by squidmemesinc

“We always said we were going to fuck at every possible time of day,” Takahiro says, rolling his hips gently over Issei’s.

“I do remember saying that once. Do you have the calendar on hand?”

Captured Light, by plumtrees

“The smile you’re wearing in this photo,” Hanamaki continued, just a little bit sad, “you haven’t smiled like that in a long time.”

Matsukawa looked at the photo again. It was awkward; it always was, seeing himself through Hanamaki’s lens. He’d never really focused on himself whenever he looked at the photos Hanamaki took of him, but now his eyes actively trailed over his face, the crinkle of his eyes, the twinkle in them from the light reflecting off of his cellphone, the smile wide enough to show an entire row of teeth.

He tried to emulate the expression, only to realize how foreign it felt on his face.

A love story like most love stories, stuck between busy days and too little time spent together.

Matsukawa learns to take it easy, and Hanamaki is his teacher.

Marks, by Andramion

The room is quiet when Issei gathers the pillows under his arms and lies down. He presses his nose into his shoulder, closes his eyes and focusses on the barely-there touch of fingertips to his skin.

Hanamaki always does this, every single time.

Sure, by kiyala

Beginning university brings a lot of changes with it. As Iwaizumi and Oikawa deal with going to different universities, Hanamaki thinks about his own relationship with Matsukawa.

nebulas, by tothemoon

“You'll have to let me think about it,” Hanamaki says to him while they're looking at soup stocks in the supermarket one evening, because he knows being with someone is not as simple as he'd like it to be.

(At this, Matsukawa does not fret. He goes for the snack aisle, instead.)

Settled, by kiyala

Hanamaki and Matsukawa go for a walk in their hometown in the middle of the night, and reflect on the things that have changed since high school.

Staking a Claim, by iwaizumemes

"Do you think they can tell?"

"Tell what?"

"That we've fucked in all their bedrooms."

something of a disaster, by latenights

“This is the part where you make a wish and blow.”

“Now, let’s not get too hasty—“

“I meant the candles you bastard.”

that’s you get (for waking up in vegas), by skittidyne

“There was an Elvis?” Hajime asks.

“He was the officiator. It’s the cliché, right?”

“…Officiator of what?” Tooru asks with a look down at Takahiro’s hand.

“You can borrow my phone to pull pictures from for our wedding album.” Issei reaches over and grasps the hand with the ring on it. Everyone is staring at their clasped hands like a three-headed lobster just crawled onto the table. “You were both the best men and I was very, deeply touched by how affected you both were at the ceremony,” he says in a perfect deadpan.

(( or: iwaizumi does not want to be the responsible one, and thus they suffer the consequences, or, perhaps, 'suffer' is a bit too strong of a word ))

Wilds, by AngryKitten

Makki waded back to him, two handfuls of stones dripping lake-water. He was grinning, like he always did, like their lives were one great joke that Matsukawa only occasionally understood. Hanamaki tipped his hand, and the rocks tumbled out into the bottom of their canoe.

“For later,” Hanamaki said.

Parting Words, by kiyala

Matsukawa confesses his feelings for Hanamaki at graduation, knowing that they're unrequited. Hanamaki's not so sure about that.

we could be the greatest team, by anyadisee

Oikawa mock-gasps. “Makki! You should know that I was genuinely planning on talking about strategy! I just thought it would be polite to wait for Iwa-chan and Mattsun to get back. But since you brought the topic up”—Hanamaki opens his mouth to protest, but is ignored—“have I told you how amazing Iwa-chan is? Like, he’s just the best boyfriend ever.”

“Wow, I never would’ve guessed what with, you know, how much you’ve been talking about it,” Hanamaki deadpans.

Oikawa waves a hand airily. “Don’t be jealous that my boyfriend is so sweet and romantic.”

Now it’s Hanamaki’s turn to raise eyebrows. “Excuse me, but did you just indirectly drag Issei?"

[in which hanamaki and oikawa get competitive, matsukawa and iwaizumi are good boyfriends, and the rest of seijoh somehow get involved.]

chocolate, by tellalie

“We have to do something,” Mattsun says.

Tides That Bind, by rubyfiamma

Matsuhana Fluff via prompt #19. Things you said when we were the happiest we ever were.

Room to Talk, by holdontoyourhulahoops

In which one snarky comment from Yahaba makes Hanamaki realize he's been a dirty hypocrite all this time.

The Best/Worst Places to Cry in the City, by AngryKitten

“Okay this is going to sound weird, and I get it if you want to say no, but I know a good place to cry and it’s only like a block from here. If you need to, um, let that out or something.”

Matsukawa gets hit on while crying in public and it might be the worst thing that has ever happened to him. Or it might be the best.

plus one, by orphan_account

"Did you know we're dating?"

"What? Says who?"

"Says everyone apparently."

"Oh," Hanamaki frowns for a few seconds before shrugging and turning his attention back to the chocolate fountain. "Nice."

Making Sense, by kiyala

Sharing an apartment does very little to help Hanamaki deal with his feelings for Matsukawa. Perhaps that's not such a bad thing.

and indeed there will be time, by plumtrees

Between volleyball and the looming end of their high school years, Hanamaki thinks he’s already dealing with more than enough, thank you very much.

Unfortunately, no one else gets the memo.

Alternatively: “I am not in love with my best friend!” says Hanamaki Takahiro. Nobody buys his bullshit.

snakes, meth labs and something like love, by orphan_account

"Did you know snakes can give birth to between ten and 150 babies at any one time?"

Matsukawa tenses. "And how many have you, um— How many have you found?"

"Four," Hanamaki sighs, voice shaking slightly with what sounds like pure, unadulterated defeat. "So far."

Flamingo, by JanaRumpandRCJawnn

Summary by me: series with Trans!Makki, dealing with transphobia, and a nice lovely characterization of Ushijima.

it’s cold out there, by bishounen_curious

Seijoh's parties are always a mess, but this one takes the cake.

he’s a looker but i really think it’s guts that matter most, by respectableflourish

His fellow first year loves volleyball, has a chill factor verging on glacial, partakes in the type of verbal repartee Takahiro has only ever dreamt of finding in another person, and just so happens to exhibit an eyebrow and eyeliner game that is on another fucking level.

my heart beats for contract law, by orphan_account

"You had an emotional breakdown in a McDonalds drive-through."

"Mmm."

"And proposed to me."

"Shhh."

"In a McDonalds drive-through, Hiro."

Takahiro huffs out a nervous laugh, keeping his eyes closed. "You love it," he repeats, nuzzling closer.

services i can provide, by commovente

“So, what’s this?” Matsukawa asks. “An apology?”

Hanamaki drawls the words out, but he’s rambling. “I mean, I was actually going for a bribe, but. You know what, Mattsun? I’m nothing if not adaptable, so. Yes. Consider this an apology.”

it’s easy being with you, sacred simplicity, by earlgrey_milktea

a conversation at half past three.

poolside, by tothemoon

At eighteen, it'd been a matter of wading.

At twenty-five, Hanamaki tries not to fall in headfirst.

need a little sweetness in my life, by orphan_account

The smell of freshly baked bread, watching his cakes rise, listening to customers endlessly praise his desserts? All that is great but, Matsukawa thinks as he shuffles closer to the counter to greet him, the best thing about his job is the man standing in front of him.

And he doesn’t even know his name.

Lemonade, by carriecmoney

“Seriously, after Oikawa’s Oikawaness, Iwaizumi with the shoulders and the intensity and the caring about people shit and you with…” Takahiro gestures at Matsukawa’s everything. “That. What am I?”

Sing For Me, by rideahorse

The first time he hears Matsukawa singing, it’s in the shower, post-practice, when Matsukawa is likely positive no one’s around to hear it. Takahiro doesn’t even know what to think at first; Matsukawa sings just as he talks, voice a low timbre, barely changing pitch as it navigates through some melody that is so familiar yet unreachable in Takahiro’s mind. It’s English, too, so Takahiro wouldn’t understand it anyways, but that’s beside the point.

The point is that the locker room suddenly feels ten times hotter and Takahiro feels like he might melt into a puddle of very gay and very confused sludge.

Realisations, by kiyala

In which Hanamaki realises that Matsukawa is a werewolf, and has a few other realisations while he's at it.

Magical Mishaps and How to Deal, by plumtrees

Hanamaki Takahiro loved Matsukawa Issei. Sometimes. Mostly. When he wasn’t being bull-headed or overly-difficult. Which wasn’t a lot of the time now that Hanamaki thought about it. Shit. But he digressed.

Demon-mating was a for life kind of deal. Certainly not a decision one could make out of the blue, without years of prior thought and much meditation. The day he asked for his mother’s blessing, the day he planned to ask Matsukawa to be his mate, she had told him If you’re sure you’ll be happy with him, then all I hope for is that he says yes and by some miracle he did and here they are now and Hanamaki could say with all the certainty in the world that he loved Matsukawa Issei with all his heart and soul(s).

But some days…dear gods, some days…some days he just made it really, really difficult.

Or: Matsukawa accidentally turns Kindaichi and Kunimi into babies and guess who has to help him clean up his fucking mess.

Pink and Yellow, by hotcocoa

Hanamaki is beautiful, Matsukawa is supportive, and both of them are the luckiest boyfriends in the world.

hang out fall in love, by carafin

In which Hanamaki's humble medical practice is threatened by an intractable asshole a witch doctor who's just moved into the shop down the street. Medical/Witchcraft AU.

As far as Hanamaki’s concerned, and as far as bad life decisions go, setting up your witch clinic right next to an actual, proper, medical clinic is practically akin to setting up an all-you-can-eat buffet right next to a gym. Or a sex toy shop next to a church. Or a vegetable patch next to a goat farm. Or – yeah, the point is, this Matsukawa guy has totally cornered the market in Terrible-Life-Decision-Making-Skills.

Baby It’s Cold Outside, by dancingwithwings

Matsukawa looks round. And – heaven help him – he’s greeted with the guy from a couple of apartments down, the guy who dyes his hair to look like a strawberry for reasons unbeknownst, looking so disgruntled, so bedraggled, so akin to a drowning cat, that it almost makes him laugh out loud. The guy is barefoot, wearing only a towel. And the look on his face might turn Matsukawa to stone.

In which the fire alarm goes off, Hanamaki is in a towel, and Mattsun just really needs to study.

Zenith, Nadir, by tookumade

A former god realises that it's time to say goodbye.

Parallel Lines, by orphan_account

Yesterday night, Matsukawa had told his parents that he was joining math club, which lead to several confused smiles from them as they tried to figure out his change of heart.

“Didn’t you say you were allergic to competitive math?” His mom had asked. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, we’re very supportive of your decision, but-”

Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, they’d let it go because no sane parent prevents their child from joining math team, which is intellectually beneficial and looks very nice on college applications. This, in turn, prevents Matsukawa from having to explain that he’s joining- dear god- because of a crush.

this isn’t exactly how i thought i’d spend my adult years, by jadedpearl

When Hanamaki coughs–hacks–the guy, who's been near comatose this entire time, opens his eyes and looks over a little, seemingly with the least amount of effort possible. "Bless you," he says, but his eyes are still sleepy. Hanamaki turns his head and stares at him. "I didn't sneeze." The guy looks a bit surprised. "What?" "I coughed." "So?" "Who the fuck says bless you when someone coughs?"

The Courage of Stars, by FairyLights101

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Then again, not many things were.

sugar pink liquor, liquor lips, by h_lovely

His lips still taste like sugar and liquor; they’re rosy and plush as they fit softly against Matsukawa’s own.

What would you do (if I told you that I la, la, la, loved you?), by Frenchibi

5 IwaOi moments as seen by Hanamaki and Matsukawa ... +1 moment of revenge :'D

Shoulda Known, by fxvixen

He quickly composes his face to look concerned. “What’s the matter there, sport?”

The groan cuts off.

Hanamaki lifts his head, a few strands of hair flopping onto his forehead. He narrows his eyes at Matsukawa’s attempt of a poker face. “Never call me that again.”

~or~

matsuhana feels and cuddles

Time and Distance, by kiyala

Matsukawa is attending university in Kyoto. Hanamaki comes to visit.

Kaleidoscope, by tookumade

Fall in love in five cities.

press play, by airblends

“Makki, you want in on our intro?” Oikawa gestures with his hand.

“Nah, I already promised Issei we’d do one for his channel. There are only so many intros a man can film in a day.”

“Issei, huh?” Oikawa’s lips settle into a knowing smirk. Iwaizumi coughs into his fist, gently prying the camera from Oikawa’s hands to turn it off.

Hanamaki’s face burns up, his cheeks a fiery red. “We’re just friends,” he says, the phrase rolling off his tongue by sheer reflex. He has lost count of how many times he’s typed it into the comment section beneath his videos. At this point he might just start to believe it himself.

New Ground, by kiyala

About new cities and new relationships.

Trusting Things Beyond Mistake, by twinkrevali

"‘I–’ Hanamaki starts, then stops, turning to face the lake and frowning as the words fail to reach him.

Matsukawa pushes himself up to look at Hanamaki properly, hands resting in his lap.

‘You,’ he prompts, and Hanamaki looks at him, eyes shining.

This must be, he thinks, what they call a moment of clarity."

Would You Rather, by jadedpearl

“Y’know,” Hanamaki says, stretching his arms above his head, “I don’t even get why Oikawa is the popular one. If this was an anime, I’d be the main character.”

The setting sun burns his edges gold, alights the sharp planes of his face. Matsukawa looks away, faces forward, towards the houses that wind out of sight.

“What makes you say that?” he replies easily, because things have always been just that, with Hanamaki.

too scared to say (that i want you), by urieskooki

"How could he not hate me if he knew?"

Falling in love with your best friend sucks.

one-way ticket, by noyabeans

post-chapter 258.

in an alternate universe, they would be the ones on that screen, feet solidly planted on the smooth ground of the tokyo gym and the smell of air salonpas around them.

take my hand, take my whole life, too, by earlgrey_milktea

matsukawa and hanamaki, a few years down the road, and years to go, together.

all our stolen moments (i’d spend forever with you), by earlgrey_milktea

quiet moments between matsukawa and hanamaki.

it's all worth it, in the end.

Switched Jerseys, by chromyrose

After practice on an afternoon shortly before the Spring High tournament begins, they’re the last two people changing in the club room. The weather is starting to turn for the colder, and Hanamaki sighs when the cool air touches his heated skin after he takes his jersey off. He feels a warm hand on his back, and looks over his shoulder...

oh we’re fading fast / i miss missing you now and then, by earlgrey_milktea

It’s strange, missing someone. You find them in every thing you do, and you think you want them back, but you don’t. Not really. Not now, not like this.

issei and the quiet that hanamaki left behind.

i thought i could tame these memories to keep me company like a housecat, by earlgrey_milktea

So he stayed here, in a house that hasn’t been a home in a long time, with a cat that keeps looking out the window as if waiting for someone that isn’t coming home.

takahiro and the empty house and lonely cat that issei left behind.

those days are dead and gone (but we’re still here), by kythen

They're graduating today and Hanamaki doesn't want to get out of bed.

stranger things, by tinypersonhotel

In 2012, the men’s national volleyball team took home the bronze at the Asian Cup. Tokyo Skytree opened to the public. Also, the dashing Hanamaki Takahiro and painfully cool Matsukawa Issei started a radio show out of Aoba Johsai’s abandoned A/V room and accidentally became the two most popular guys in school.

Daily Password: [ ], by tookumade

“Neko Atsume?” Hanamaki says sleepily when he recognises the song coming from his phone. He opens his eyes with a mystified smile. “You’re still playing?”

(written for Haikyuu!! MatsuHana Week - Day 1 - music)

tell them i love you, by tookumade

“Are you two serious about it, though?” Oikawa says dubiously after training when they’re leaving the clubroom together. “Could you seriously tell each other ‘I love you’?”

“Of course we’re serious!” protests Matsukawa at the same time Hanamaki says, “Of course we can!”

(written for Haikyuu!! MatsuHana Week - Day 3 - romantic gesture)

like a river, by astersandstuffs

“Is that a confession? Are you actually confessing to me right now?”

“Hm. Yeah.”

Or, they still have a lot to learn (and maybe that's the thing about being together).

Baby(sitting), Maybe, by tookumade

“One day,” says Hanamaki, “we’ll look back on this and laugh.”

“Mm-hm,” Matsukawa hums.

“It’ll be a cute little story. We’ll tell our friends, and they’ll laugh along with us. They might even be sympathetic.”

“Mmmm…”

“You’re absolutely right, sympathetic is reaching way too far.”

(written for Haikyuu!! MatsuHana Week - Day 6 - children, bonds)

Matsuhana Week 2017, by h_lovely

Day 1: music//relationship goals Day 2: competition//petty Day 3: romantic gesture//fairy tale Day 4: in danger//leaving home Day 5: food//science Day 6: children//bonds Day 7: on video//surprises

A God for Every Season, by timkons

Mortals have all kinds of foolish tales, like how Hades and Persephone's annual reunion causes the seasons. Matsukawa knows better.

Habenaria Radiata, by tookumade

Hanamaki turns onto his side so that they’re facing each other, and his smile is warm; Matsukawa feels his heart skip a beat, as it always does whenever this happens, and he wonders when he’ll ever get used to it, when it’ll become normal enough that he doesn’t get butterflies in his stomach every time Hanamaki smiles at him.

(Probably never, if he’s being honest with himself. He is content with this.)

take my heart and put it in your pocket, by Frenchibi

Issei blinks. “I ain’t drinkin’ any of your froofy Christmas Latte thingies.” “Orange Caramel Mocha.” “What?” “Vanilla Chai Latte.” “Ew.” “Cinnamon Hot Chocolate.” Issei rolls his eyes, resigned. “Fine. That doesn’t sound too awful.”

Remind Me, by tookumade

For Hanamaki and Matsukawa, their first meeting consists of a small accident, a terrible first impression, and the start of something new—maybe something better.

(In which they learn to keep trying, and to try again.)

like twinkling lights and the warmth of your hand, by earlgrey_milktea

mattsun and makki go on an impromptu date.

in a daze, by wyverning

The sound of a camera shutter goes off, and Issei lazily cracks open an eye to see Hanamaki grinning down at him, phone held loosely in one hand.

“That was the best Kunimi impression I’ve ever seen,” he says by way of explanation.

Clueless, by Elleh

If anyone had asked Issei how he’d thought his night would end, he’d have never said: catching my best friend moaning my name while fucking himself.

There’s an odd second, between Issei entering their room and sliding the door of the bedroom open, in which Issei is still oblivious. Skin prickling, a sudden dryness in his mouth, but oblivious. He’s taking his shoes off when the first moan catches him.

He stills right on the spot, a shoe hanging from his finger, the other hand half-way to opening the bedroom. Issei swallows, images of Hanamaki with a girl from the hotel, that’s why he didn’t want to come with us drink, the bitter taste that realisation leaves behind. Issei shouldn’t care Hanamaki’s having sex with someone, but the sourness turns into rage—and maybe disappointment. He’s gonna have a serious conversation about boundaries and, you know, could you let me know in advance, so I find—

“Issei… Mmmh, fuck.”

IOU, by Karasuno Volleygays

Matsukawa Issei goes in for a tattoo and ends up with an interesting new friend in Hanamaki Takahiro. Soon his visits to his tattoo artist's studio in the back of a restaurant become a highlight of his days, and that's before feelings start to wriggle their way into the picture.

take a screenshot, it’ll last longer, by h_lovely

It’s all fun and games until someone pops a boner in a staff meeting.

lapsus linguae, by astersandstuffs

“I’m literally your best friend,” Matsukawa says.

Takahiro pauses. “Shit. You’re right.”

Reflex, by hiuythn

Nobody likes to talk about how Hanamaki and Matsukawa met, which is a shame, because they both think it's the funniest fucking thing to ever happen to either of them.

my way home, by tookumade

Matsukawa has been sitting at their freshly-placed dining table and staring at his copy of their new apartment keys for at least an hour.

(Hanamaki checks his watch. Okay, five minutes; same thing.)

first light, by tookumade

Iwaizumi and Oikawa immediately break out into booing and gagging noises, because as much as they both think themselves mature and reasonable people, they are honestly idiots. Matsukawa just grins and takes a sip of his own beer, pleased, but Hanamaki is frozen, eyes wide and a blush creeping across his face in a way that had nothing to do with the beer.

Tactical Retreat, by Karasuno Volleygays

After years of getting their asses handed to them by the seemingly psychic Iwaoi bond, Issei and Takahiro opt to spend the rest of their paintballing trip engaged in other activities.

Mirror Flower, Water Moon, by h_lovely

Matsukawa’s gaze lingers on Hanamaki. He’s talking about something, ranting on and Matsukawa isn’t sure about what at this point. He should be listening really, how rude of him. But spring has just sprung and the little pink petals dotting the sidewalk match so pleasantly with the strawberry shade of Hanamaki’s short-clipped hair.

(Or, a study on timing and how to get it right.)

quidditch gloves, parchment, and custard cream, by h_lovely

After class, Matsukawa finds Hanamaki in the tall cushy grass by the lake.

#haikyuu!!#fic recs #matsuhana #matsukawa issei #hanamaki takahiro #otp: swapped jerseys #please warn me if any links are broken #and reblog it if you can so more people will see it

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friendly-neighborhood-study-pal · 4 years

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Hey guys! Once again, I’m switching up my 100 Days of Productivity / Day 19 by doing another guide, since my other one went over really well (linked here if you want to check it out!). Here’s some tips for online and remote learning in university, especially for incoming freshman, since a lot of American universities are declaring at least part of next year online.

Before class begins:

- Set up a study area.

It doesn’t need to be glamorous, but it needs to be a place where you’re ready to work. Make it comfortable and cozy and joyful and, most importantly, a place you feel ready to get stuff done. It really doesn’t have to be ~aesthetic~ or picturesque: it’s not supposed to impress anyone, it’s supposed to be a place for you to grow and learn, which is far more important.

- Maintain a schedule.

This was so difficult for me, but so helpful. I tried to wake up and have a daily morning routine that felt somewhat akin to something I would be doing in a regular university day. I would change out of my pajamas (into comfy clothing), do my hair, and have breakfast and coffee prior to my morning classes. It helped me get into a productive mindset and prepared me for the day ahead.

Once class starts:

- Note when your large assignments are.

Since there’s a monotony in living at home with very few outdoor activities, make sure that you know what assignments are on the horizon. It can get easy for the days to blend together and to lose track of what’s heading towards you - use a calendar, planner, bullet journal, or whatever else may help you in staying on track of your deadlines and due dates. Personally, I use an at-a-glance monthly calendar that sits on my desk and a weekly planner.

- Attend and watch ZOOM lectures.

This may seem like a given, but I know some people who missed weeks upon weeks of lectures. Make sure you attend/watch your lectures, even if you have a hard time paying attention and aren’t 100% there. It will help in the long run.

- Communicate with your professors.

Contact your professors about ANYTHING. You have nothing to lose by emailing them. Things have been incredibly stressful and you need an extension? Go ahead and ask. Your computer is acting weird? Let them know you’re experiencing technical difficulties! Have a question about course content? Their job is to teach you, so go ahead and reach out for clarification. If you take anything away from this post, please communicate with your professors.

(Also, to your professors that are great, send them a thank you email after you finish their course. Adjusting to online is hard for them as well. It goes a long way, trust me.)

Finishing up classes - exams, studying, and essays:

- Short on time? Summarize.

If the end of the quarter/semester managed to sneak up on you, try summarizing your notes. For every page of notes, try to condense the information onto an index card. Additionally, if you’re using a textbook and your textbook has a summary at the end of the chapter, spend extra attention on the concepts mentioned in the summary. That way, you’ll focus in on main ideas and key concepts, which will more likely than not be tested.

- For open notes/book exams, prep.

You still should prep for the exam. Compile your resources into one place so that you can easily find what you’re looking for during the exam. Mind maps are an especially nice way of compiling information, but having several tabs of documents up on your computer may be equally as effective. Either way, compile the information prior to the exam.

- Put your phone away.

Personally, I put it on the highest shelf of a bookshelf, so I would have to exert effort to use it. When you’re making that final push, it’ll be helpful to remove the distractions that can be removed, so unless you need your phone to study, put it away.

- For large assignments like essays, get some feedback before submitting.

This is only if you have the time to do so. For one of my courses, I had an essay worth 50% of my grade. I discussed the topic with my professor via email to make sure that it was appropriate for the prompt and that my argument made sense, and then when I finished my rough draft I asked my TA to look it over and give me some feedback. It really helped me, especially because the online format didn’t allow my class to do peer review and workshops. If you have the time, try to get someone to look over your essays/projects.

- Be proud of yourself.

Pursuing education is hard enough. Pursuing education under these circumstances is incredibly difficult and admirable. If no one else has said it to you recently, I’m proud of you for what you’ve done and the work you are putting into your education. The transition from physical to online learning is difficult, the transition from high school to university is difficult, and the fact that you are continuing to work thoughtfully and resiliently for your education is admirable. Please remember to take care of yourself and to be proud of yourself and what you do. 🤍

I hope you’re all doing well and that some of this was helpful. If you have any other tips for online and remote learning, feel free to reblog and add them! I hope you all have a lovely day! 💛

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noona-clock · 6 years

Text

I’ll Be Fine - Part 2

Genre: College!AU/Fluff

Pairing: Jae x You

By Admin B

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, The Great Cookie Bake-Off

“What made you change your mind?” Jae asked as you stepped inside his dorm room, his voice still a bit sleepy (though he’d woken up considerably upon hearing your statement).

“I woke up to a bunch of text messages in a family group chat,” you explained. You slid your bookbag off your shoulders, letting it fall to the floor with a gentle thud before you perched on his desk chair. “My cousin got engaged last night.”

Jae simply hummed in response before flopping back onto his bed while you took off your coat, scarf, and gloves.

“Exactly. So,” you began, unzipping your bag and sliding out one of your notebooks. “I think we should set some boundaries. Go over the guidelines and write things down so we’re both in agreement.”

“I didn’t know you were also a Pre-Law major...”

“Ha, ha. Very funny.”

Jae rolled off his bed then, shuffling over toward Wonpil’s desk and grabbing his desk chair so he could sit next to you. “So, what, like a contract?” he asked a bit doubtfully.

“Yes, like a contract.”

“...Why do we need a contract?”

You pursed your lips a bit as you thought. Then you looked over at him and lifted your shoulders into a shrug. “I don’t know. I’m just going off that one movie on Netflix where they fake date and sign a contract.”

...You would leave out the part where they ended up staying together because they fell in love for real.

“All right, then,” Jae chuckled, sliding his glasses off and wiping them with his shirt. “Go for it.”

“Okay, so you want Jamie to know we’re a couple, correct?”

He nodded one sharp, definitive nod.

“What do you think we need to do to make that happen?”

“Well...” Jae sighed, furrowing his brow and staring off into space. “I guess we could walk to class together.”

“Holding hands and stuff?” You began to write down this first condition, the pen scratching gently on your piece of paper.

“Yeah, definitely. I’m not the most affectionate person, but Jamie knows I like to hold hands.”

“Got it... holding... hands,” you muttered as you scribbled it down. “What about other public displays of affection?”

“I mean... I guess we could hug. Like when we say goodbye.”

“Kisses?” For some reason, your heart started fluttering, and you felt you had to explain yourself. “I mean, we’ll only actually kiss if it’s absolutely necessary, but cheek kisses and hand kisses and all that.”

“Whatever,” Jae shrugged. “I guess just do whatever feels natural.”

Your brow furrowed and you swiveled in your chair to face him better. “Jae. We’re fake dating. None of this will be natural.”

“Oh, you know what I mean!” he scoffed. “Fine, fine. Cheek and hand kisses are fine. Whatever.”

“Someone’s not a morning person,” you chuckled as you turned back to continue writing.

“No, I’m not. And maybe as my girlfriend you can bring me coffee?”

“I’m your fake girlfriend, so I will bring you fake coffee.”

“Ah, so you’ll bring me Starbucks.”

“What?!” you cried. “Starbucks is not fake coffee! Don’t you dare belittle my Pumpkin Spice Latte!”

A smile tugged at Jae’s lips, and he brought his hands up near his mouth, miming holding a cup. “Oh my god, I love Starbucks,” he said in his best valley girl impression.

You really didn’t want to play along because he was making fun of your hot beverage store of choice. But... you’d just seen that vine in a compilation last night! You knew exactly what line to say next, and you just couldn’t help yourself.

“It’s amazzziing,” you added.

“I love caffeine,” Jae continued.

And then you both started talking in gibberish until you couldn’t hold back your laughter any longer.

youtube

“Okay, okay,” you giggled after calming down somewhat. “Back to the contract. Jamie likes that one dining hall, right?”

“Yes. She’s there just about every day.”

“So, we can eat lunch there together to make sure she sees us,” you suggested.

“I’m down with that. I mean, we have to eat, anyway, so might as well eat together.”

You jotted that down, too, then furrowed your brow as you thought of what else the contract could entail.

“Okay, well, we went over my part,” Jae said, interrupting your thoughts. “So let’s go over yours.”

“Right,” you sighed. Just thinking about seeing your family made you sigh at the moment.

“How long will I stay?”

“Oh, you don’t have to stay more than a day,” you assured him, your brow furrowing even deeper. The thought of Jae being around your family for more than a few hours was giving you anxiety.

“What? No,” he chuckled. “It’s fine. I can stay over a night or whatever. You’ll be pretending to be my girlfriend for two weeks before I meet your family. It wouldn’t be fair if I stayed just for one day.”

You were hesitant to agree so quickly, but you’d already changed your mind about one of Jae’s ideas today... Plus, you knew Jae was a pretty logical guy. Heck, even this whole “fake dating” thing was more logical than you realized, if not a little crazy and out of the ordinary.

“Are you sure?” you asked.

“Yes, I’m sure. I can definitely stay over.”

A soft sigh escaped your lips as you tapped your pen on the paper, but you still gave in. “All right. One night. Two days with my family will definitely be equal to two weeks at school, I promise you that.”

Jae simply chuckled though it was interrupted by a yawn.

“Speaking of... how long should we do this? I don’t think we should just stop after Christmas, that won’t be believable at all.”

“No, definitely not. How about... a month?”

“A month sounds good. Jamie will surely give up on getting back together by then, and I won’t see my family until summer, so that gives them plenty of time to forget about me having a boyfriend. Although -- if Jamie’s still bothering you, we’ll figure something out. I have no plans on meeting an actual boyfriend anytime soon, so it’s not a big deal if we have to extend it or anything.”

“Perfect,” Jae grinned. “Shall we sign?”

“Yes, let’s. I have class in about half an hour, so I need to get going.” You quickly signed your name at the bottom of the paper before handing the pen to him.

Once Jae had scribbled his signature (you assumed - his writing was nothing less than chicken scratch), you stood from the chair and began folding up the contract to make a copy later.

“Do you... want me to walk you to class?”

...Oh. The contract was starting right now, then. I mean. It made sense. No time like the present... Right?

“I mean... if you want to? I can... wait outside while you get... dressed.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” he murmured, nodding as you stepped toward the door.

Unsurprisingly, you only waited a minute or two after you’d closed the door behind you before it opened right back up. Jae had, apparently, thrown on whatever clothes he saw first and (judging by the strong, minty smell) had swished around some mouthwash.

But his hair was still a mess.

“Here,” you said softly, reaching up and using your fingers to comb through the soft, pink locks. “Can’t have my fake boyfriend going around looking like a real hobo.”

“Hobos were usually very honest, hard-working guys who just so happened to be down on their luck,” Jae refuted.

“Well, down on their luck usually meant they didn’t have enough money or resources to dress nicely or shower, so...”

“This is true.”

“Now, look at that,” you grinned as you let your hands drop back down to your sides. “You’re already a pro. Telling me I’m right and everything.”

Jae simply tsked at you and rolled his eyes, though you could tell he was trying to fight back a smile.

“Come on, let’s just go already,” he grumbled, snatching your hand. But then he interlocked your fingers very gently, so you couldn’t help but giggle a little at his grumpiness.

The bright sun practically smacked you in the face the second you stepped outside, but it was nothing compared to the frigid air. Even though you’d grown up not too far away and should be used to cold weather - especially in the winter - you still hated it.

A shiver ran through you, and you used your free hand to grab the glove in your pocket. You couldn’t very well put it on with just one hand, though, and when Jae saw you struggling, he reached over to help.

“Thanks,” you murmured before pulling your scarf up over your mouth.

“You don’t like cold weather, I’m guessing.”

“No.”

“Yeah, I vaguely remember you being miserable last winter,” he chuckled.

“I’ll try not to be so cranky when I’m in girlfriend-mode,” you assured him.

Mentioning the word ‘girlfriend,’ though, made you think about what an actual girlfriend would do if she was walking with her actual boyfriend in the cold weather. She would probably clasp onto his arm and try to cuddle up to him as much as she could.

...Right?

So, that’s what you did. You continued holding his hand, latching onto his arm with your other hand and pressing into his side to try and steal some of his body heat.

It was really weird and awkward, but...

“I have a question,” you said suddenly, hoping to ease some of the tension.

“Shoot.”

“Are we pretending to be a couple around campus just in case Jamie walks by and sees us? Or what?”

“Well, yeah, I guess,” he murmured. You were pretty close to him now, so a murmur was enough to reach your ears. “Also, one of her friends could see us. And they can back it up if she ever talks about it. Like, ‘oh yeah I saw them together once.’ It just makes it more believable, y’know?”

You hummed in response, nodding just a little. But you’d just rested your chin on Jae’s shoulder, so it was more of a slight head tilt than a nod.

Honestly, this was super weird. The holding hands thing wasn’t as bad, but everything else... it would probably take you a little while to get used to it. But if it saved you from a boatload of annoying questions at home... It was definitely worth it.

When the two of you reached the mathematics building where your next class was, you let out a sigh. Mainly because you didn’t like math but also because you’d gotten pretty cozy walking next to Jae. You would miss his warmth.

“When’s your first class?” you asked, coming slowly to a stop and turning to face him, your hands still intertwined.

“At one,” he told you.

“So... meet in the dining hall at noon for lunch?”

“Sounds good to me.”

Just then, you saw a familiar face out of the corner of your eyes, so you pulled your lips into a smile, making sure to make it an extra sappy one. You could even feel little hearts forming in your eyes as you gazed at him.

Jae narrowed his own eyes a little, his lips forming into a curious smirk. “What are you smiling at?”

“You,” you muttered, making sure not to let your lips fall. “Because you’re my boyfriend, and I think I see Jamie’s roommate over there.”

“Oh!” Jae quickly reached out and pulled you into a hug, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and mid-back and squeezing you tightly.

To be very truthful, it took you by surprise.

You’d hugged Jae before, yes, but only as a friend. Those lazy, one-armed, 100% non-romantic hugs.

This was completely different.

In the back of your head, you wondered if this was how he used to hug Jamie. You already thought she was dumb for cheating on Jae, but now you knew she’d gotten hugs like this?

...Wow.

It almost made you scared to kiss him.

Part 3

Master list // RULES // Read About the Admins

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greyyskies911 · 5 years

Text

Things I want you to know, if I die:

1. The poems, all of them but one, were for you. Every word I’ve ever written that counts was written about you, for you.

2. I’ve made a countless number of wishes. Upon stars, 11:11 wishes, on eyelashes- none of them were for you. I wouldn’t let, even the slightest foolish superstition, even if it was my hearts desire, get in the way of your free choice, your freedom in any way. But in most of those wishes, when you were sad or hurting I prayed for you to be okay. I prayed for your happiness. I wished for you to find someone who made you feel like you made me feel. I wished you to never feel the aching loneliness that creeps up from within and settle inside your heart in the darkest nights, in crowded rooms. I wanted you to be happy. I still do.

3. I wish I had the courage to tell you what I felt. Even if you didn’t feel the same, you should know that someone loved you once, from the bottom of her heart. You ought to know the impact you have upon my life. Maybe I’ll write you another letter. To be posted post mortem.

4. In August 2016 I was going to kill myself. You. I had never felt so alone. I had never felt so relieved and yet so terrified. You said, ‘Hey, are you okay?’ How did you know? Was I that obvious? My hands were trembling I could barely sign my name. I smiled I remember. I said ‘’m fine.’ You didn’t push me. You just pulled me into your arms, held me tight and said, ‘whatever it is, it’ll be alright.’ And that night, no matter how many times I brought the blade to my skin, I just couldn’t do it. I thought and I thought and I thought. Your words kept coming back to me. ‘Whatever it is, it’ll be alright.’ And you cared. You noticed and you cared enough to ask. Until that point that night, no one else had. And the fact that there were people like you, people who would care and notice someone like me, someone you’d never really spoken to. Someone who wasn’t even a friend. That meant something. The idea, that maybe, someone would care if I died. Even if I haven’t met that someone yet, that’s was enough. If not for you, I wouldn’t be here to compile this list.

5. Before I met you, being gay was something I couldn’t even accept to myself. But you were so casual in your admiration for girls, so blatant about the way you’d imply that hey maybe you’d like girls but also maybe not, in a way that it seemed like a normal thing. You made a part of me that made me feel like something perverse, something to be hated , something I had to smother and kill into something beautiful. Because how could loving you be something wrong? Falling in love with you, made me fall in love with the world all over again.

6. April 2017, plane ride back from Singapore; you, me, and that foreign lady. Singapore was liberating. Beautiful city. Just us and people who loved us and wouldn’t judge us around. Plane ride back, my thoughts eventually circled back to its usual dark corners of my mind. Hozier’s Take Me To Church playing on repeat, the old fears and anxieties started bubbling again. I’m gay. I’m gay and I love a girl. What would my parents think. What would they say? Would they hate me? Would I disappoint them? Would they hate my girlfriend someday? Would I be thrown in jail? Would I be expelled? Would they let me train kids anymore? Would my friends feel uncomfortable around me? Would you hate me if you knew? Would you not want to sit next to me? I know you accept people like me but it’s different when they like you right? Are you gay? I wrapped myself in my shawl and let my head rest on the seat in front. You asked. ‘Hey, are you okay?’ No. ‘Yeah.’ Hmmm. ‘That’s a random question. Why would you even ask that?’ No words. Your eyes said it all. I still see them sometimes. In my memory when I wonder if anyone cares. In my dreams. You gestured to my wrist. My bracelet? My scars. Oh. So you noticed. I didn’t have words to speak, my throat was parched. God please no why stop this you can’t see how messed up I am I know you wouldn’t hate me you’d want to help but god i need you to see me as an equal as someone normal I need that. I’m sorry. I was frozen. ‘Can I stroke your hair?’ Can I. Of course. I nod. Your fingers, so gentle. Soft. ‘I used to, if it helps.’ You- Jesus. How could anyone, anything, push you to so much pain to have to- oh. ‘Why?’ ‘I used to get bullied a lot when I was smaller.’ I knew about this. Grade nine you. So small. Just. I wish I knew you then. I wish I could’ve tried to help you. Tried to be there for you. So that you had someone to tell you that things were gonna be okay, someone to hold you tight, someone to trace patterns on the back of your hand. It hit me then, that the way I was living was messed up. That I needed to get better. It had never occurred to me before, that there was a difference between surviving and living. ‘I’m sorry for bringing it up.’ It’s okay. I wish I had the courage to tell you that you were the reason I’d survived for this long. That I cared for you. ‘I won’t tell anyone.’ ‘Thanks.’ Pull the armrest up. Pull me onto your lap. Your hands gently stroking my hair. For once in my life, terrified and yet completely safe.

7. Someday, ask Jessica what I’ve said about you. If you want to know. If she remembers, she’ll tell you I spoke about you as though you were the reason the stars came out at night and the sunlight falls through the leaves after a rainstorm in dappled beams through leaves and water droplets like jewels. I learnt to draw because of you. Because you made fun of my art once in Singapore. I learnt physics because you remind me of the stars and I’ve been in love with space ever since. You make me want to be kinder, smarter and better in every way. You are my reason.

8. I love you. In the most genuine, unselfish way possible, I love you. You make me happier than anyone else in the world can. I want you to be happy. With or without me in my life. In every way possible. I want you to fall in love with blue skies and grasslands and paddy fields and stars and 11:11 wishes. I want you to dance to good music while making pancakes on lazy Saturday mornings. I want you to cry over romcoms at three in the morning (and maybe not spill ricotta cheese all over the kitchen floor when you go to get a snack) but have a reason to smile at the end of the movie. I hope you never feel lonely again. I hope you always have someone who’s hand you can hold. Someone who could trace patterns all over your arms all day, or stroke your hair or push you against a wall and kiss you until you can feel again. Someone who looks at yoh like Flynn Ryder looks at Rapunzel. Like I looked at you.

9. In my life, I’ve been through a lot of shit. Some of it you know, some you don’t. But if there was one thing that made all that shit worth surviving, it was our friendship. Don’t get me wrong and think I was pining for years, that I wanted something more- I didn’t. You made me feel like I was enough. I have no words to tell you how much I valued your presence in my life. I’d be having a shitty day at school with prefect stuff and home stuff and sometimes I’d come to your class and sit there and wait. Being near you calmed me down. Being near you made me feel okay. I owe you so much for the things you have done for me. All I can do is to wish all the happiness in the world for you.

#dear you #love #depressjon #recovery #us #death #self harm

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gottaenjoythelittlethingzz · 6 years

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@mastery-in-procrastination, who is busy doing some awesome things for the community, was kind enough to send me this ask: “How long have you been working on "The Reaper's Only Daughter"?” Tumblr ate the ask, but I was able to save my answer! I may have gone a little over broad in my explanation. Thanks for the question, now sit back and experience the journey.

Ah yes. My origin story. I remember it like it was yesterday. Allow me to take you back, to before the beginning...

2018! For me it was the year of television (as ‘17 had been the year of the movie). I vividly remember searching for shows on IMDB to compile a sort of list in January. Some well-known, some old hat, but two in particular stuck out to me. Two my mother specifically enjoyed and had for many years. Sons of Anarchy and Shameless. I was finally at the age to where I could start enjoying these shows and so they were added to my list to be watched later. I remember reading the description of SOA and looking through pictures of tough guys on motorcycles. I knew I had to watch it!

Fast forward to May 15th. I was nearing the end of my high school/senior year. I believe I had taken all of my finals at this time and just had a few meaningless things left to turn in for one or two classes. I had just finished The Punisher (thank the godz) and was ready to start the next series. It was again between SOA and Shameless and I have never made a better or more damaging decision in my entire life than when I hit play on the pilot episode of SOA at 7 am as I was getting ready for school that Tuesday morning. Mind you, my school was a dead zone as far as internet goes, but the media godz were shinning down on me that week. I chased the signal every single day.

For the next 6 days, it was all I thought about, all I watched, all I wanted to talk about! I watched 92 episodes, roughly 70 hours of content in 6 days. Though my mother has seen it many times (as it is also her favorite series with her favorite actor(s) in it) I retold her the stories (nearly every episode, or several at a time) as I watched them. She was the first person to see me “live react” to a show in text or otherwise. She enjoyed it because she hasn’t had anyone to talk to about the show in what is now nearly 5 years and she liked hearing my takes on things.

I stopped talking to friends, I stopped eating (not really so extreme, but I mean...), and on the last 3 nights I hardly slept. I watched it absolutely everywhere! That Friday I skipped school. I reasoned I wasn’t doing work anyway and it wasn’t going to hold me back. If my memory serves me correctly, I watched the finale of S3 through S4 and maybe a little more on either side (but for certain these 14 episodes, technically my favorite in the series) in one straight sitting. In truth, nothing was going to be able to hold me back from this show. I was hard pressed to leave my room, much less my house which made work Saturday difficult. I told my coworkers I was watching it as I jumped up and down waiting to go home (business was slow you see) and I actually left early. I have a bad habit of watching things while driving (don’t do it kids! Listen to your mother!) and actually watched an episode on the way home.

I ended up pulling an all-nighter on Saturday trying to finish it as I had more plans Sunday. Well, it didn’t work. I fell asleep around 4 am with 4 or 5 episodes to go. I watched a few episodes to and from where I was going in the car, but on Sunday night May 20th, 2018, I watched the final two episodes of the series back to back and a weight had been lifted off my shoulders (it also left a hole in my heart, quite literally). I was no longer susceptible to spoilers and I knew the “secret”. What’s more, I completely, 100% agreed with the creator’s decision as to how and when he ended the show.

SOA was the first show that ever captivated my attention in such a way. I was never bored, not for a minute. I wouldn’t call many of the episodes fillers even now that I’ve watched each a couple of times (too many to count, for research purposes, I assure you.) And it is one of the most consistent as far as new ideas and character development/design I have ever seen. What's more is I absolutely adore the main cast and characters alike. It honestly took over my life and has changed it for the better. So much so, that it was still all I thought about for several weeks after I finished it. To the point where I had to watch it again top to bottom, though it took me about 2 weeks while sleeping that time. I’ve never watched a show like that, before or since, no matter how much I like a series.

Alas, life goes on, there were more shows to watch, and for the next month or so I turned to watching Shameless (another story entirely) and, though I didn’t want to, I stopped thinking about SOA for a time. That was, until I started thinking about moving to college. My mother had an SOA poster that use to be in her office that she gave to me to put in my apartment. I wake up every morning to see it hanging over my bed and I am reminded that I should be writing TROD. I went down to my college apartment about a week before term started. It was the first time I was technically on my own, though I have roommates, and you will never guess what I did during that week. Go ahead, guess. I did 2 things, actually.

I rewatched SOA, though this time I stopped on series 5 (and if you’ve seen it you may know why) and I “broke down” and created a Writeblr. I’ve always loved to write and actually was in the process of shelving what was originally meant to be my first novel length WIP (on the grounds that it did not have a plot to hold the characters together) that now hasn’t been updated in 6+ months. During this third rewatch an idea came to me. “What would it be like to be in this world?” More specifically, “What would it be like to be a woman in this world”?

This was apparently the right question to ask. The rest is history, swirling into a big black and crow feathered blur. I spent a few months creating Schuyler. I slowly stopped talking about the shelved WIP online and started answering questions for her instead. I figured if I was going to shelve 1 project I had better have another to replace it with, and so TROD was born! I nearly immediately had a character personality and a title when I started. The name Schuyler and her family lineage to link her to the canon story took more time. But while I was thinking of all the technical stuff I was also imagining all the fun scenes that would take place in this imaginary novel I was picturing.

I spent so much time thinking about it, specifically the first chapter which you have seen is now available to read on this blog, that the first time I sat down to write I wrote out 5,000 words flat. Many remained in what is currently “the final draft”. This had never happened to me before and I was inspired! I have been working on it ever since. As far as physically writing for it I have only been writing TROD for about 4 months. But in actuality, TROD has been a project a long time in the making. Nearly 9 months of thought and devotion to a Fandom nearly gone, but I’m here now to carry the torch!

9 months in and I have 6 moodboards, a chapter, and far too many tag games/posts to count. I have roughly 30k words written (continuously, obsessively tweaking the first 3 chapters) and another 2k or so of notes (outlines, dialogue lines, and ideas for scenes). This is actually the first story where I’m consulting a sort of outline (my own that I’m always adding to, but also the canon story) and it’s been my best writing experience to date!

This project is going to be long. Longer than anything I’ve ever dreamed of taking on before. I still have much to explore, plot kinks to work through, and many months, if not years, of work to go. But w/o SOA I would have never become so involved in media (as now I want to make it my career), met some of my favorite actors, created my Writeblr or been inspired to continue writing, and I certainly never would have entered into this inclusive community or met so many awesome writers!

*Whew. That was a lot. But SOA and my WIP TROD means a lot to me as you can see. Thanks so much for the ask. Feel free to stop by anytime!

I’m also going to tag @themildestofwriters as I know you may be thinking about diving into this series yourself and I want to both warn you and wish you well if you choose to do so!

And @aspire2bu, as I believe I saw you post recently about how you first got into K-pop in the first place and I found it interesting. Hopefully you’ll find this interesting too!

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 6 years

Text

DOTW 51 - Full. With the nursery scene, it would have ended up being waaaaay too long, but now you know what's coming

Eren's had spent a week in hospital, his omega then returning fully over the next two weeks. It was a roller coaster for both of them. Eren still struggling to control emotions. Some days and nights were better than others. Some days Eren couldn't even get out bed, thanks to being exhausted by his nightmares or the inability to get comfortable. Then some days, he couldn't get out of bed without being reduced into a panicking mess over the smallest of things. Like Levi closing a drawer too hard... he'd taken his bad shift out on the cutlery drawer, causing Eren to bolted into the bathroom. He'd stayed there for the better part of three hours before calming down enough to come back out. Then there were the sudden bouts of anger that seemed to well up from nothing at all... He'd bought eggs without thinking about it, eggs still seemingly taboo in the apartment. Eren had lost hit shit over it, throwing each and every single one of the dozen at him with angry screams. If it'd been anyone other than Eren, he would have been pissed. Handling the situation like a mature adult, he'd laughed. He couldn't help it. Eren had run out of curses after the forth egg, just defaulting to calling him a "constipated arsehole", before getting flustered at himself over it all. It'd been adorable. His boyfriend might be ridiculously tall, but he was, as Hanji would describe, an "anger muffin". Impossible to actually be mad at due to the fact he was completely adorable. At 22 weeks, his boyfriend was a force to be reckoned with. His affectionate side had come back, Levi enjoying every second of it. Eren would have dinner or breakfast ready, and a bath waiting for him. His omega seemed to be prefer baths to showers, and didn't want to bathe alone. It only dissolved into sex half the time... He couldn't keep his hands off his mates stomach, pathetically in love with the swell and the future it meant. He was acting completely foolish, almost unlike himself. His protective instincts were only growing stronger, each time he left work, he forced Eren to lock the door properly behind him. It was the only way he could make through his shifts. That and when Eren was awake, they'd message back and forth all day. His omega choosing to throw himself into working through the books Levi had ordered for him. His drive to learn so great, that Levi had been thinking about asking Eren if he'd like to enrol in some online classes, or at least find a way for his boyfriend to get his high school equivalency. With how determined Eren was, he was sure he could manage it, especially with only 18 weeks being left until the due date of their pup. It all seemed like it was approaching too fast. Like if he blinked, he'd miss it, and he didn't want to miss a single thing in both Eren's and their child's life. With things finally looking better, Levi was finally able to bring the nursery issue up with Eren. His boyfriend had plenty of ideas, which surprised him. He'd thought Eren spent his time alone at home napping, cleaning or working on his studies. He hadn't even considered the fact that Eren might sneak into the spare room to take measurements, and compile a basic list of what he wanted via screen shots. All of it was perfect... Almost too perfect... yet quite unlike him, he didn't find himself dwelling on all the "what ifs" of the situation. Labour was dangerous. It'd never been a safer time to be having children, yet 830 women died a day due to pregnancy and complications. Males at an even higher risk as their bodies didn't stretch the way a female did. He knew if the fluid situation didn't happen to level out, that Eren would most likely require a c-section, and he knew Eren would automatically blame himself for it all. Finally getting two days off in a row, Levi had hit cloud nine. He'd spent the morning having lazy sex and snuggles with Eren. Their bed a complete mess by the time the two of the had crawled out of it. This had been followed by a quick hard fuck with Eren bent over the bathroom counter. Then had come showering with, and carefully cleaning out his blissed out omega. Eren coming with a whimper as he did. He'd wanted nothing more than to curl up with Eren on the sofa, and binge on a bunch of bad movies, but they were going shopping for nursery and baby things. His "suppressed" alpha constantly reminding him of the fact, as it wanted to show how good it was at providing for their child. There was also the fact that Eren wanted his hair cut, after trying to cut it himself in the bathroom, and the fact that nearly nothing of the omega's fitted over his swollen stomach anymore. Personally, Levi didn't give two shits if Eren wanted to walk around shirt free, or just in his bra. His lover's body was beautiful, and his developing breasts were perfect for holding onto when he mounted him from behind. He was lucky Eren felt the same way. He'd succeeded in making Eren come in his pants, by toying with his nipples while making out on the sofa. Eren's white dress was the only thing that properly covered his bump. Coupled with a pair of yoga pants and one of Levi's hoodies, his omega really didn't want to wear shoes. There was no way he was letting his boyfriend walk around bared foot getting all sorts of nasty germs all over them. His firm attitude led to Eren crying, but allowing Levi to put shoes on him... while leaving Levi feeling like a bit of an arse. Eren had enough problems as it was. His depression wasn't something magically cured by the return of his omega, it'd just helped to take the edge off. They still had plenty to talk about. For instance, the fact Eren thought himself a murderer, but that was barely remembered once they'd started being physical again. Heading to the closest shopping centre, Eren clung to him adorably... even if it was from anxiety. With his heartburn making breakfast nearly impossible, Levi was determined to do as much as he could for Eren. He'd gotten him to drink some milk, so his stomach wasn't completely empty. Not that it counted as breakfast in his eyes. He'd just have to trust that Eren would let him know when he was hungry. Walking into the department store, Levi snagged a trolley "Now. Anything you like, anything at all, you can get" "Mmm... I know. I, uh... talked to Marco and Hanji a little" "You've been talking to Marco?" "I thought I told you that Hanji brought him to see me. He apologised for being a bad friend... he came and saw me again, without Hanji and we talked a little... it's not like how it used to be, but he's... yeah. It's better" Levi wasn't sure if he liked Eren hanging around Marco again. Not when Jean was such a fucking arsehole. Jean getting into Eren's head, would be... no. Marco had to prove himself to Eren first, then maybe he would be allowed to visit... sans Jean. He might just tear that fucker's throat out if he had the chance "Ok. As long as you're ok with it, then I'll... be ok with it" "Don't worry. I'm not rushing to have them over. Don't give me that look. Your expression said it all" "I might just kill Jean if I see him" Eren swayed, before shaking his head. Fuck. He should have picked his words better. Taking a deep breath, Eren brought himself back under control "You can't do that. Marco's pregnant again" "Again? Haven't they heard of condoms?" "He smelt like it" "How old's Mina now?" "Uh... I think she was born in... November? No. We went on holiday in November. I can't remember, but like 10ish months? It's halfway through September... She looks so much like Marco" "Lucky girl. I wouldn't curse my worst enemy with Jean's looks" Eren giggled "That's harsh. I want our pup to look like you" "I know... but I've seen your baby photos, and I've seen you grow. I would be the luckiest alpha in the world if our pup looked like you" Eren blushed "Aren't you already the luckiest alpha in the world? My throbbing arse says you are" Eren's comment went straight to his dick. It was hard to believe he could still get hard enough how many times he and Eren had indulged in each other's bodies. Clearing his throat, his voice was slightly husky as he replied "Listen here, brat. If you keep that up, the nursery is never going to be done" 22 weeks may be too soon to start preparing the nursery, but it had now been months since he'd suggested it. He wanted to give Eren the chance to change his mind if he wanted, and wanted to give them enough time that they wouldn't be rushing to put everything together. What he'd read online said it was common for omega's to even nest in there when close to their due date. This was their first child. He didn't want to fuck up. That's why he'd chosen to go shopping before cleaning out the room. They could spent today and tomorrow making sure every purchase was just right "I'm just saying..." "And I'm just saying that I love you" "You love me enough to ruin my arse?" "And your breasts, and your mouth..." Eren playfully punched him on the shoulder "It's not my fault everything you do feels... good" "I know this pregnancy hasn't been easy, but... you've really opened up over being intimate" "I still can't... on my own. But with you, I want it. Only with you" "Does it bother you when I touch myself?" Eren's blush deepened "It... it's hot" He hadn't been aiming for a reply, but Eren's mumble was cute "I'm just teasing you" "You're an arsehole, old man" "Yeah. Anyway, baby shopping?" "Shopping for our pup. Not quite baby shopping. I think one is going to be hard enough" "Alright, brat. Point taken" "Good. If you behave, I might be persuaded to give you a treat" "I don't know if I can behave" "Then no treat for you. Come on, I want to get all the soft stuff first. I want to make sure it's all washed and sorted" Eren bopped him on the nose with the tip of his pointer finger. His warm scent rolling over Levi like the fresh rains of a storm, barely a note of anxiety to it. He was so fucking proud of him, even if he was a little shit. Walking a few steps ahead, Eren didn't realise Levi was still rooted to the spot, momentarily stripped of basic functions as rush of love filled his gut with warmth. Why the fuck hadn't he just proposed? Eren knew exactly what he wanted, that was one of the joys of actually going shopping with him. Though pregnant, he wanted to just get in, get everything they'd settled on, and get out... Then they hit the baby clothes. Getting Eren more maternity clothes had been easy. Soft and comfortable yoga pants and stretch belted jeans, couples with a few long sleeved shirts and bras that converted to nursing bras. Baby clothes sent his omega into while different kind of panic. Eren had picked up a soft fleece onesie and broken down. He wasn't crying, but his scent was definitely troubled and everything he picked up, he placed back "Eren, what's wrong?" Placing his hand on his stomach, Eren turned to him. His bright eyes filled with pain "Do you think I deserve to keep this baby?" "What do you mean?" "I... I don't know if I deserve this baby anymore... Levi... what do I do?" "You tell me what's going on, and we figure this out together" "I... my dad... he did something... It was horrible, Levi" Reaching out, Levi took Eren by the arm, gently pulling him close "You're not your father" "He... he took babies from omegas. How many omega's lost their pups because of him... 10 years... hundreds of omegas, Levi. And then he just dies. He dies. He... How do I live with that?" Hushing Eren softly, Levi nuzzled his neck "You live by loving our pup with everything you have" "Why? Why should I get to keep my pup, when they didn't?" "Because you weren't the one to take their pups away. That sin. That sin is a stain on your father, not you" "The sins of the father are inherited by the son" "That's a load of shit. I don't even know my fucking father and I, sure as hell, am not going to start cleaning up his shit. You're not him" "But Levi..." "No. This pup. This pup is ours. You're allowed to want this and to be happy. What he's done, it's not ok. And I will tell you as many times as you need, you will be an amazing mother. You're allowed to be happy and to love this pup" "I feel so guilty. Looking at all this. It's like... they never got to do this with their babies" "That's because the world is shit. They treat omega's like shit and walk all over them to make themselves feel better. It's not fair. To them or to you. I love you, and when you're ready to tell me more, I will listen" Grisha could go choke on a bag of dicks... or maybe a sack of balls, seeing he obviously didn't have a set. What kind of fucked up shit had the man done? And why the fuck... No. he just had no words for him "I don't want to remember, but how do I forget?" "I don't know. I love you, ok?" "I love you too, Levi. I... think maybe we... I don't know..." "We can go home, if you want? Or we can get a few more things. Or we can get the furniture? Whatever you want to do" "Can we do furniture? This is just..." "You don't have to explain. I understand" "I really... I don't even know what I'm saying now" "You're saying how much you love me, and how we're going to order way too much food when we get home. You're going to take a bath, and..." "How do you do that?" "Do what?" "Love me, so easily. No matter what I say" "It's your arse. I... love your arse. I was born gay, just to be with your arse. I'm not giving that arse up to anyone" Eren sighed at him, nuzzling and kissing his hair as Eren's hand found his "Why am I bonded to you?" "Because you love me" "Oh... I forgot about that" "Shitty brat. Eren, thank you. For trusting me enough to tell me" "It seems like I'm pretty much stuck with you, not matter what I do" "You're only just working that out?" "I didn't go to school, remember?" "As long as it's not my fault that it's taken this long to realise that" "No... No. You... You're my strength, Lee. Coming home to you, that's the only thing that kept me going. I love you" "I love you, and I think this is getting too mushy for a shopping trip" "You're probably right. I never really realised how small baby clothes actually are" "It'd be a bit weird if you just gave birth to a full grown adult" "Don't go giving him ideas... I'm already scared about the labour" "You'll be fine. I'll be with you" "Yeah... as long as he doesn't get ideas about coming too soon" "Don't go jinxing it" "I'm not. You're the one giving him ideas" "I can't help it. I never thought I'd be a father. I never even thought I'd find a mate, or have a family. This is all your fault" "My fault? I'm pretty sure you said you were born gay to be with my arse" "It doesn't sound romantic when you say it" "It's not romantic at all. At least, not to anyone butt me" "Did you just...?" "Maybe. What are you going to do about it?" "Just you wait until we get home. I'll be happy to show you just how much I love that arse of yours" "Fuck. I'm slick as it is..." "All the more reason we should grab what we planned and get home. You've turned me into a horny old man, who can barely keep it in my pants" Eren paused as he moved to step towards the shopping trolley "Do you... do you really find me that attractive? I... kind of just... feel fat" "I found you beautiful before you even fell pregnant, and I can honestly say I find you just as beautiful now" "Even though I look like this?" "There is nothing wrong with the way you look. And if anyone dares say otherwise, I will bash the ever living shit out of them" "Really?" "I promise" "Then I suppose we should get you home" * Their playful banter had helped distract Eren from his guilt. His omega had perked up when they'd moved towards furniture, only to deflate again until Levi started teasing him again. He'd never thought Eren would be subjected to the harsh reality of those who used and abused omegas. Not after Zeke's death. Knowing the cause of Eren's depression made things much more understandable, while the strength of Eren's trust in him was a little terrifying. With his omega rejecting the pup, and his guilt over carrying, the fact Eren hadn't done something extreme like aborting it, only served to weigh heavily on his mind. Eren kept going through the pregnancy because he knew how much he wanted it. That was all Levi could put it down to. His omega who'd so desperately wanted this child, hadn't thought to get rid of it, because he didn't want to hurt him. Sure, now that his omega had evened out, his moods had improved, but it must have been fucking hard for Eren to keep that inside. He'd probably only confided in Krista... They were lucky to have found such an understanding therapist, and one that Eren could vent to. Returning home from shopping, they headed up to the apartment. The larger items of furniture were being delivered the following day, while the car seat and the majority of the bedding was still in the car. Eren having slowly run out of steam and needing a nap. Lunch leaving his lover seemingly more exhausted than before they'd started eating. Letting Eren in first, his omega made to the sofa before sinking down onto it, automatically going to curl up on it, only to stop before his shoes touched the cushions. Waving his arm at him, Eren groaned "I'm coming" "My feet are too far away. This wouldn't have happened if you'd let me get away with no shoes" "No. You'd be taking a shower if you weren't wearing shoes" "So mean. I don't think you understand fat and swollen feet at all" "Your feet aren't fat" "They feel fat. I feel fat" Draping his waving arm over his face, Eren sighed dramatically "I'm beached" "Hi, beached..." He didn't even get to finish his sentence before Eren was throwing a cushion at him "Please, Levi. Just... help" Closing the apartment door, Levi decided everything down in the car could wait. Placing the bags of Eren's clothes down by the sofa, he squatted down to free his omega of his shoes. Eren moaning the moment his feet were both free "Thank you... I have no idea how full term people walk around or wear high heels" "I honestly don't either. Do you want to nap here? Or in bed?" "Bed. I want cuddles" "Cuddles or sex?" "Cuddles during sex?" Laughing to himself, Levi moved to lift Eren from the sofa "Cuddles during sex?" "I don't know. Why am I so sleepy?" "Because you had a big day" "I don't feel like I did" "You did, and you did good. You told me when you reached your limit" "I feel like my limit isn't good enough" "Eren, trust me. You did good" "I trust you, but I'm still gonna disagree" "I bet if you told Krista, she'd agree" "We are literally about to fuck or snuggle. I don't wanna think about anyone else" Sitting Eren down, Levi helped him out his jacket and dress, then bra. Eren flopped back as if in defeat, lifting his arse to be free from his yoga pants "Eren, how would you feel about topping?" "Topping what? Like ice cream topping?" "Me" "Levi. My brain is like... already shut off... I'm sorry. I can't think" Stripping Eren down, Levi was far less careful when it came to his own clothes. Slick had soaked his boyfriend pad and underwear, leaving them almost sodden. Something that should have revolted, and once would have. Now it just had him itching to mount his mate. Propping himself up, Eren smiled at him "You're so fucking sexy" "Says the guy oozing slick" "Mmm, but that's your fault. And I notice you left my bra on. Do you love my breasts that much?" "You have no idea what I want to do to them" "Oh, is that right? Maybe you show me" "I thought you were sleepy" "There's no way I can sleep after looking at your dick" How could Eren possibly be so shy about masturbating, then sprout something like that? "Is that so?" "It'd just be cruel to make you sleep like that" Pushing himself up to sitting, Eren pulled him closer. His dick brushing over his omega's breasts "Fuck, brat..." "You could take the bra off?" "Mmm. I could, but then what would I do with your breasts?" "I don't know... but I think I want to" "I have an idea, but I want you to know I'll stop if you don't like it, or it feels uncomfortable" "I want to try more with you..." "Eren. I need to hear you say it" It was probably pathetic, but every time they tried something knew, or if Eren didn't initiate it, he still wanted to hear that it was really ok. Eren hadn't had a full blown panic attack from sex since falling pregnant, but he had had a few moments when Levi had needed to step back and let his omega calm back down, even if Eren hadn't noticed them "Levi, if it's too uncomfortable, it'll tell you" "Thank you" Freed from his bra, Levi now had a firm hold of Eren's breasts, pushing them together as he massaged them firmly. Moaning, Eren's legs were spread wide as Levi slowly rocked up against his boyfriend. His erection was trapped between the soft warm flesh of Eren's developing chest, with each trust making Eren mew. He hadn't been sure Eren would into this, but the constant stimulation seemed to be driving him wild, as Levi's desire to cum across Eren's face and chest grew. He'd never thought he'd into titty fucking his boyfriend, but it was fucking hot, especially when Eren slid one hand down to start jerking himself off. Building up a constant rhythm, he felt the tell tale feeling, knowing he was going to come all too soon "Eren, can I come?" "My mouth... I want to taste you" "Are you sure?" "Please alpha... let me taste you" Keeping his hand on Eren's right breast, he used his left to guide himself into Eren's eager mouth. His omega immediately hollowing his cheeks and bobbing his head. Shit. Eren's technique had him weak the knees "Eren..." Nodding around his erection, Eren's eyes met his. That was it. He was gone. His orgasm hitting hard enough for left knee to give out. Awkwardly half kneeling on the bed, he pulled out Eren's mouth as his mate started to choke, coming down Eren's lips and chest, as his lover's come hit his leg. Panting, Levi's head dropped forward, still coming as he tried to catch his breath. No one but Eren had ever made him come this fucking hard, it was seriously verging on ridiculous and felt like what he imagined a volcano erupting would feel like. For some reason that escaped him, it seemed like he came more now that Eren was pregnant. Almost like he was trying to get him pregnant all over again. Milking the last few drops free, he dropped down onto the bed, next to Eren who looked just as fucked as he was. Looking to his mate, Eren caught his eye before starting to laugh "What?" "That felt... kind of amazing" "You're laughing because it felt good?" "And because you have to help me clean up. I think I'm just going to fall asleep like this" "Give me a minute. I popped half a knot" Rubbing his dick, Eren rolled towards him "I'm so not up for kissing it better" "Says the guy covered in my come, and groping me" "Mmm. I just want to touch you. I want to remember every inch of you" "Oh?" "Mhmm. Especially these 9 inches" Leaning in, Eren's lips still held traces of the cinnamon and sugar from the donut he instead on having for lunch. The slow kiss slowly grew more hungry, Eren moaning into his mouth as he release his hold to climb into Levi's lap. Not wanting to break the kiss, Levi pushed himself up, Eren's stomach big enough to make things uncomfortable for him if he hadn't. Breaking the kiss, Eren whined as Levi started to stiffen beneath him. Rolling his hips, Eren started to ride him slowly, one hand on his stomach to keep his balance. With slick pooling in his lap, Levi let out a growl, his dick demanding to be inside their mate instead of just fucking him between his cheeks. Taking hold of Eren's arse, he lifted him enough to line up, the omega so wet and aroused that he could slowly sink into his heat without causing too much pain. It had probably helped that Eren was also still loose from that morning. Topping from the bottom, he held Eren's hips down as he thrust up, placing Eren's pleasure and comfort above his own. With each thrust, more come would dribble from the omega. Having just come, Levi took his time in reducing Eren into a fevered mess. Loving the way he moaned and mewed so sweetly just for him. As Eren's breathing grew more ragged, he started to clench and ripple, his orgasm close, but knowing another orgasm would leave him boneless, Levi lifted Eren, keeping just the tip buried inside as he flipped them over. Spreading his knees wide, his pace grew hard, the sound of squelching slick and wet skin against wet skin as he rode Eren through his orgasm and into his own, coming with a deep and almost primal snarl. Beneath him, Eren's eyelashes fluttered, Levi's heart stopping for a moment. Worried he'd hurt his mate he reached to cup Eren's cheek, before rubbing a soft circle with the pad of his thumb "Eren? Hey. Eren, can you hear me?" His mate didn't smell pained, nor did he feel pain from their bond. From what he could tell, Eren had passed out as soon as he'd come. He'd expected bonelessness, not outright passing out, though Eren had been exhausted. Climbing onto the bed was awkward, the position he ended up in wasn't exactly the best for collapsing into after sex, but he'd rather not cause any unnecessary discomfort for Eren. Resting his cheek against Eren's swell, he peppered kissed to Eren's stretch mark spotted skin. He knew Eren applied vitamin E cream to each stripe almost religiously, but he loved the marks. He didn't care if Eren's stomach never returned to being perfectly smooth. Pregnancy was changing Eren's body in so may ways, and other than his rank farts, Levi had no problems with it all. When Levi's knot finally deflated, he pulled from Eren. Given the fact his boyfriend had started to snore, he was pretty sure he hadn't hurt him. Retrieving a warm towel from the bathroom, Titan had appeared in his absence. Sitting on Eren's pillow, he scowled at Levi as he started to clean Eren down, as if blaming him for the current lack of cuddles. Making sure his boyfriend was as come free as he could be, Levi them grabbed a fresh pad and pair of underwear for Eren, getting him redressed and settled on his side of their bed. He'd completely forgotten the sheets were still a mess from that morning, so he'd settled Eren on the top sheet as it'd come through relatively clean, then grabbed a few of Eren's other blankets out the wardrobe to cover him with. Chucking Eren's clothes in the wash, he forced himself to shower. He wanted nothing more than to climb into bed with Eren, but his mind niggled at him, reminding him of the shopping waiting in the car. Eren was soundly asleep, and sorely needed it, giving him plenty of time to head down and retrieve everything. * Eren was in a forgiving mood. Actually, he was in the best mood he'd been in since bonding with Levi. Confessing his and his father's sin to his alpha may not have been planned, but it felt like the crushing tightness in his chest had eased. Levi had said it was ok to love his pup and to be happy. That what his father did wasn't his fault. It was completely different hearing it out loud, and from the alpha he loved so deeply. He could have told himself the exact same thing until he was blue in the face and he never would have believed it for himself. Having fallen asleep during sex, he'd woken to Levi cuddles. His alpha reading while playing absentmindedly with his hair. Eren couldn't help the rush of affection he felt every single time he looked to his mate. When he'd realised Levi wasn't going to propose any time soon, saying he was crushed was the understatement of the century, but gradually he settled back down, realising that perhaps Levi was planning something special and needed time to do so. He'd vowed to himself not to say anything, not after subjecting Levi to some of the foulest moods he'd ever experienced. Like seriously, who the fuck just throws a dozen eggs at their partner. It wasn't Levi's fault he didn't remember. His alpha worked his fucking arse so that they could live such a comfortable life. His own inheritance had been delayed due to the ongoing investigation into his father by Floch. Though he may have neglected to mention to Levi that man had called to tell him that. Levi would worry himself sick over it all. His alpha used to claim he was terrible at words, but every single word that came from Levi's lips was with love. Even when he'd had a horrible day at work, and was all broody and scowly, if he accident snapped he'd apologise right away. With the help of Levi, he'd showered and dressed, before his lover settled him down on the sofa in the living room. Levi so insistent on helping, he'd had to shoo him out so he could go to the toilet. Pregnant people peed a lot... like.... a lot. Equal parts impressed and annoyed, he eyed the organised mess spilling of their living area. While he'd been sleeping, Levi had moved all the new things for the pup to his room, and dragged everything out the spare room alone. With the smell of vinegar in the air, he could tell his alpha would have scrubbed the spare room from top to bottom already. Levi had once explained that vinegar kills mould, while bleach only serves to bleach it. Maybe it was the expectant mum in him, but the idea of the nursery stinking of bleach made his stomach roll. He wanted to be able to work in there, without worrying about the smell sending him scrambling for the toilet. Passing him his phone, Levi ruffed his hair on his way pass to the kitchen. Opening his Facebook up, he found himself doing something he never thought he would. First unblocking Armin, then adding him and the woman called Mikasa on his friends list. His father had told him how close they'd been, and with Levi's words of how he wasn't his father's sin or whatever it was, echoing in his mind. He sent them both friend requests, before placing his phone down and snatching up the TV remote. He'd expected to maybe feel some slight nerves, but he was just too happy to. When Levi joined him on the sofa, Eren sank into his warmth. He might be a horny shit, but cuddles felt even better. His alpha scent of warm free tea with the lingering touches of his body was had his omega internally purring. Starting to nibble at the sandwich Levi had made, his stomach rolled before rumbling "I'm not surprised you're staving" "I honestly feel like I haven't eaten in years" "That's because yesterday all you had was a glass of milk and lunch" "Yesterday?" "It's about 2 am. You slept for a solid 12 hours" "I don't feel like I have. Why didn't you wake me?" "Because making a baby takes a lot of energy. You needed the rest, especially when you didn't seem to have any nightmares" "I can't remember dreaming... I can't believe I fell asleep during sex" "You managed to scare the fuck out of me. I had a feeling you'd be tired, not that you'd pass out and start snoring" Eren's face dusted red with embarrassment, whining as it did. Levi was supposed to be nice to him! "Don't worry. I'm not mad" "I am. I didn't get my after sex cuddles" "No, but you're having cuddles now. You're not too sore, are you?" "No... my hips are, and my back, and feet, and my shoulders, and I feel bloated... I think I just want cuddles instead of sex" "I was thinking we could sort the boxes?" The things Levi decided to keep were going to be stored at Hanji's house, seeing she owned her own home, and had the space in her garage for them. Erwin had offered to help, but Levi had shot him down "Mmm. Ok. Let me sit up, and where's Titan?" "He was in your room. He wasn't happy I stripped our bed down" "Titan!" "You're supposed to be eating" "I'm still eating. I'm just worried about my fur baby" There was the soft but solid thud of Titan's paws as he came running, leaping up to settle on the sofa, then immediately trying to get to Eren's sandwich "You should have left him sleeping" "But then I couldn't have shared with him" "You're not sharing with him" Titan meowed at him, one large paw coming up to hover just short of Eren's plate. His big eyes stared up at him, silently begging "Leeevi. How am I supposed to say no now?" "I'll give him a tin of cat food. Just finish your sandwich" Titan was a cat who's love was easy to buy. The moment Levi cracked the top of the tin of cat food, the tom was racing off to the kitchen. Finishing his sandwich, Eren placed the plate down with a pout. He wanted Titan cuddles, and Levi cuddles. Now his boyfriend was hefting a box up onto the coffee table and Titan was too busy eating "I think this box is mostly clothes" He knew he said he'd be there for Levi as he did this, but now he was getting nervous. He was terrible at comforting Levi and making him feel better. He never knew if he was saying the right things or making it all a hundred times worse. Tipping the box onto its side, Levi joined him back on the sofa. Pulling off the tap over the top as it did and sending a whole bunch of things cascading onto the floor "Yeah... clothes..." All of Isabel and Farlan's clothes seemed to have been second hand. Isabel had tried to patch them the best she could. Digging to the bottom, Levi wrinkled his nose in clear disgust "There's nothing worth saving in here" "Are you sure?" "Don't get too close, the bottom layers are mouldy" "Can't you just wash them?" "Mould stains. Even if I did, it wouldn't be worth it. I should have gone through these sooner" His boyfriend sounded bitter, Eren whining softly as he placed his hand on his arm "I'm sorry" "No. No, it's my fault. I don't even know how the mould got in. Something must have been wet. It's my fault" "It's not your fault..." Levi huffed, brushing him off as he rose and moved the box next to the door. The next four boxes were mostly clothes, but they were used to wrap more interesting things. Small photo frames, tea cups, plates, glass figures and chipped Christmas ornaments were carefully unwrapped. Eren couldn't help himself as he collected each photo frame carefully. Levi sighing heavily as he leaned over to explain where they were in each of them. Seeing Isabel's bright smile and Farlan's faked scowl, his heart ached. Levi looked so young and happy with them. Like... genuinely happy. The smile on his lips completely unguarded, not a single wrinkle of grey hair to be seen... He knew his boyfriend was drop dead sexy, but fuck... He fell in love with him all over again, and desperately wished there'd been a way to meet Levi back then. The frames were carefully put aside. The mould had gotten in between the photo and glass in some of them, but apparently there was a way to get them restored. Levi wanted to bin the ornaments and figured, but Eren wasn't having it. Carefully saving them for storage at Hanji's, and the three badly hand painted baubles with Levi's, Isabel's and Farlan's name on them. They were definitely going on the tree this year. It The way Levi joked about how much Isabel loved the "shitty things" was all he needed to know. Levi wasn't quite ready to get rid of them, even if he said so. It didn't matter to him if once they were in storage never they saw them again, as long as they were safe for a day when Levi might want to. The box that really broke Levi was Isabel's books. Like everything else, it may have been second hand, but her books. They were something special. Crammed full of notes and slips of paper, the woman's passion clear. Levi's scent turned troubled, emotional pain infecting him through their bond "Levi" The book in Levi's hands started to shake due to his alpha starting to tremble "I bought her this book. Actually, I stole it for her. She'd worked so hard to save for it, but Farlan needed a fucking doctor and medication... Before you give me that look, we were back in high school. This was her first new book on birds. She'd stared at it for hours... and it wasn't like I didn't have the money. You do what you need to, you know. But they took one look at me and refused to serve me. I had the fucking money in my hand, but... they weren't having it. With Farlan being sick, it was the last straw. I waited until the clerk was busy, then I bolted. It was fucking worth it though. She was so happy. She read it over and over... Even at college, with all the new big and better books she could use, she still carried this one. Farlan would joke she loved her book more than him" Levi let out a shaky breath, running his fingers through his hair "Fuck. Sorry. I need a drink" "I'll get you one..." They still had a couple of boxes left to go through... but with how distressed Levi seemed to be, he wanted to do everything he could to calm his alpha and be there for him "No. It's ok. You stay here" Patting him on the knee, Levi took the book with him. The alpha first disappearing into their bedroom, then to the kitchen. Sitting back on the sofa, Levi had apparently drained his drink in the kitchen. His alpha looking at the neat pile of books with pained eyes. Climbing into Levi's lap, he wrapped his arms around his alpha. Nuzzling into his hair, in the hope of providing comfort "Eren... just... not now" Pushing him off, Eren was confused. He was only trying to make Levi feel better. He wasn't kissing him, or trying anything sexual. He simply wanted to comfort Levi. His omega was just as confused. Their mate was sad. He didn't like his mate being sad "I just wanted to hug you" "I think I want to finish this alone. Why don't you go to bed?" He wasn't tired... and he thought Levi wanted to do this together? Besides, barely talked about Farlan... he wanted to hear more about him "I don't mind..." "Sorry, Eren. I want to do this alone" "I..." "Go to bed..." He was trying to tell Levi he loved him, and if he changed his mind to just let him know... and now he being sent to bed like a kid. He knew it wasn't easy for Levi to talk to about Isabel and Farlan, but he'd opened up to him about his father... and about Zeke, and his mum. So why didn't Levi want to tell him anything? Didn't his alpha trust him? Eren didn't sleep well that night. He'd returned to their room, only to find he needed to pee. He didn't want to upset Levi by walking around the apartment, so tried to sleep it off. It didn't work. Creeping from their bedroom to the bathroom, he was just as "ninja" as he crept back. The bottle of scotch had made it from the kitchen to the coffee table, while Levi was patting Titan. The cat purring with his usual rumble. So Levi didn't mind Titan making a fuss over him... as long as it wasn't his pregnant mate. Feeling pathetically jealous of Titan, Eren returned to their bed. Levi hadn't even remade it... getting fresh sheets would mean leaving the room again, and he didn't want to do that. All he could do was grab one of his blankets from Levi's wardrobe and make sure he was completely covered by it. The cold plastic of the mattress protector sticking uncomfortable to his skin when he slipped his hand under his pillowcase free pillow.. which was covered with a gross feeling fabric protector. He was cold and uncomfortable, the pup spinning flips from the feel of it. Closing his eyes, it was hard not to feel like he didn't even belong in their apartment. Still just as cold as when he'd gone to bed, Eren crept out when things went silent. He'd managed to doze off at some point, waking up, Levi had been swearing. He'd been tempted to go help him, but several loud thuds followed, then some of the more colourful language he'd ever heard. Scared by his mate, he'd sunk from their bed to the floor, curling up in the corner of the room as he'd tried to hide under his blanket. Emerging to find the living room cleaned, Levi was passed out on the sofa with Titan on his chest. The bottle of scotch was empty, the lone item left out from the night before. Even the boxes to go down to the dumpsters were gone. Hurt over the fact Levi hadn't even bothered coming to bed, he'd been tempted to leave him sleeping without blanket. The apartment was fucking freezing, his toes growing numb... Fuck. He couldn't just leave Levi like this. Retrieving the blanket he'd used, he draped it over Levi and Titan, Titan giving him a glare, but not bothering to move. If Levi could go ahead and do things for the nursery without him, that must mean it's ok for him to do the same? After all, the nursery was the whole reason Levi was home. It sure as hell wasn't to spend time with him... No. No. He wasn't going to do this. Levi hadn't really done anything wrong. He'd just needed space to process everything. It wasn't like his alpha didn't give him all the space he needed... and then some... Dragging all the shopping from his room and into the nursery, that was the end of his will power. He didn't want to do any of this alone. He couldn't do anything anyway, they didn't have the furniture yet. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to go back to Levi's room and sleeping alone held no appeal... Things without Levi were boring... Wandering back to Levi, Titan had abandoned him. Levi had turned to his side, his leg hanging off the side of the sofa in a way that looked highly uncomfortable. His stomach might be slightly bigger than the photos on google, but he was sure he could lift Levi. He didn't want to leave him on the sofa. Dragging the coffee table back enough to make space, Levi was too out of it to know. His alpha even stank of scotch... lifting Levi, his alpha groaned at him "Let me sleep" "Shut up, or I'll drop you" Scowling up at him, he'd woken Levi... but he'd come too far to back out. He'd managed to even get him completely off the sofa... Fuck... Levi better appreciate this "Just put me down" "Not an option right now. You're going to bed you drunk" "Eren..." "Shut up. I'm mad at you. You didn't even make the bed. Do you know fucking cold it is?" "You're freezing" "And you're doing that things where you're talking and I don't want you to" Levi let a giggle. An actual fucking giggle. He wished he'd recorded, because there was no way anyone ever believe he had. Dumping him down on his bed, his boyfriend flipped him off before crawling under the covers and patting the space beside him "Get down here brat..." Climbing under the covers, Levi rolled and clung to him. Pulling him flush and nuzzling into his nape "Mmm. 'm sorry. I'm a jerk" "You are. You left me freezing" "Fuck..." Placing his cold hand on Eren's stomach, Eren gasped as he tried to escape, Levi's hold making it impossible "You arsehole" "Don't leave me. I don't want to be alone, again" The playfullyness of Levi's drunken state was gone, his alpha sounding so fucking lonely that Eren forgot he'd been trying to escape "I'm not leaving you" "Don't want to lose you, brat..." "You won't. I love you" Levi huffed, Eren copping a blast of scotch breath. He'd thought his alpha was going to say something else... only, Levi started to purr instead. Eren had no idea that alpha's could even purr. Fuck. He needed his phone. Not only a giggle but a purr... he needed Levi to get drunk more often.

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douchebagbrainwaves · 4 years

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STARTUPS AND RIGHT

It will probably involve writing some software, but there are things you can do to improve the odds. One thing I do feel pretty certain of is that if you're against software patents, and as a result they can be sued for. If you had, surely you'd be just as attached to that name as you are to your current one. They don't need to. But otherwise they felt they had enough in the bank runs out and they either have to make us poor to make themselves rich. A lot of them. If you wanted more wealth, you could make much more money. And there is nothing else you could be called.

5 at a big company on the way. Google doesn't have a problem doing acquisitions, the others should have even less problem. They still rely on this principle today, incidentally. It's not so much that your employer will find out and sue you. It's getting more straightforward to get things done, with no excuses. Microsoft cast a shadow over the software world for almost 20 years starting in the late 80s. Arduinos, 3D printing, laser cutters, and more accessible CNC milling are making hardware easier to prototype. Google, they're figuring out how to scale investing. It's designed for large organizations PL/I, Ada have lost, while hacker languages C, Perl have won.

But evil as patent trolls are, I don't know if this works, but it was not till the Industrial Revolution was well advanced. In 1900, if you can believe that. That tends to produce deadlocks. When I first laid out these principles explicitly, I noticed something striking: this is exactly what Cezanne and Klee did. Some people who've read this think it's an interesting attempt to write about something that hasn't been written about before. The current record holder for flexibility may be Daniel Gross of Greplin. Technology had made it possible for me to buy a computer of my own. This is just as true today, though few of us create wealth directly for ourselves except for a few specialists like thieves and speculators something you have to spend years working to learn this stuff. One way of using patents that clearly does not encourage innovation is when established companies with bad products use patents to suppress small competitors with good products. When you make things in large volumes, and the startups are mostly too busy and too poor to be worth suing for money. In the real world.

Anyone who cares can have fast Internet access now. Businesses would become more secretive to compensate, and in particular, how intrinsically horrible it is. If startups are mobile, the best local talent will go to the real Silicon Valley, that use of the word need is a running back. Most startups that succeed do it by getting bought, and most acquirers care about patents. It's not going to starve. Gmail showed they could do it: as well as talent, so this is what Bill Gates must have been like when he was 19. When technology makes something dramatically cheaper, standardization always follows. Like nuclear weapons, the main role of big companies' patent portfolios is to threaten anyone who attacks them with a working company instead of a technology company. Four things, I think in the coming year it will become the norm. In a free market, prices are determined by what buyers want. When I was a kid I thought they protected inventors from having their ideas stolen by big companies.

Where can I find a co-founder? In a free market, prices are determined by what buyers want. They were sued for patent infringement till you have money, people will sue you whether they have grounds to or not. Good hackers care a lot about matters of principle, and they were actually a lot happier now that they didn't have to make it as a pro. There were a few thousand lines of macros? If your team refuses to do it is to get the same yield. There may be business school classes on entrepreneurship, as they call it over there, but these are likely to be a waste of time. But only 66% of companies in the current batch have the. But eventually the open source world won, by producing Javascript libraries that grew over the brokenness of Explorer the way a tree grows over barbed wire. But what does that really mean? Look at the people around you and ask yourself which you'd like to work with.

Another thing I see starting to get standardized is acquisitions. You can fix the first by stepping back from the dead in a way that's more valuable to you than that. Even if you start a startup. Even if you start a startup, you get to opt out of the way. They don't need to. Whenever you're trading stock in your company for anything, whether it's money or an employee or a deal with another company, the test for whether to do it. The aphorism you can't tell a book by. I realized recently that what one thinks about in the shower in the morning. It's like Google's Don't be evil. But if opinion is divided in such discussions, the side that knows it would lose in a vote will tend to prevail.

Computers are a familiar example. I like to find a new job in a bad way by the expectation that afterward you'll be judged by potential employers. To sue a startup would mean admitting it was dangerous, and that starting working means you get to groups I know well, like hackers, I can say more precisely. Such tricks account for some variation in wealth, and indeed for some of the greatest fortunes in countries like England and France were made by courtiers who extracted some lucrative right from the crown—like the right to collect taxes on the import of silk—and then used this to squeeze money from the merchants in that business. The reason I know that naming companies is a distinct skill orthogonal to the others what they've got so far. If all you need to be solved, and d deliver them as informally as possible, e starting with a very crude version 1 was, if I remember correctly, less than 10,000? We do advise the companies we fund to work this way. The most ambitious students will at this point be asking: Why wait till you graduate?

In the general case. Before patents, people who say software patents are evil. So an employer who's fairly pleasant to work for other people's. When you're a kid and you face some hard test, you can only control it indirectly. You don't get money just for working, but for startups there's a unique problem: by definition the founders of Yahoo, Google, and Microsoft, among others. Whereas if you start a startup now, because the mafia too are not merely bad, but bad specifically in the sense of being an obsolete business model. I'm not saying that if you and a couple friends decide to create a new web-based software, if you can believe that. We fund a dozen startups at a time. He must have, because Loopt is no class project. But as long as they can easily change their valuation. You can compile or run code while reading, read or run code while compiling, and read or compile code at runtime.

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aquacai · 7 years

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compilation of bts/army tweets i retweeted but doesn’t actually appear on my profile (TWITTER WHY)

TEXT POSTS:

Namgi are actual prodigies, how did bang pd just casually pick em up like that

ARMYs give BTS amazing promo but it only works cause...

And just in case anyone doesn't know, we call K-army "diamonds" because...

namjoon: i made espresso!! jungkook: i wanna try it namjoon: u hate bitter coffee

seokjin couldnt give less of a shit!!!!

Hoseok is Rock Lee

We have faves that are so willing to educate themselves...

I actually adore the final verses of The Last so much.

Hobi’s pseudo-triple entendres

why is this something i feel like rap line does in the studio

the funniest part of this run ep was when taehyung said...

BTS teletubbies @ MBC Gayo 2017

every update this year

top three betrayals are bighit not releasing tony montana feat jimin...

When I first began to fully get into BTS, I had a pretty jaded view...

Dear BTS 2013, its ARMY 2018.

MY DNA

*Yoongi's dating rumour*

this episode (run ep. 46) was so full of innuendos

fake trans on jin’s supposed feelings about the SIN separation

whoever is directing run should be reigned as the nation's hero...

What do you call a company that surpassed and outsold the big3?

bts are the definition of hyping ppl up for doing the bare minimum

an actual conversation that happened (run bts ep 46)

suran suga again and army

So I suddenly remember when Namjoon said these during Wings Tour The Final...

She was pushed by another members of staff while doing namjoon’s makeup

I WAS IN THE SHOWER BLASTING BTS AND ONCE I GOT OUT...

to the female staff who consoled jimin and keeps saying “you didn't mess up”...

they went from pardon to what was that

What happened at the first two episodes just made me respect Namjoon more.

on a serious note, it would be nice if when bts gets a special someone...

Next time during BTS concert, instead of screaming “encore encore”...

yall ever wanna think about how namjoon said that jimin needs lots of love and attention and thats probably why he shared a room with hoseok bc thats what exactly hoseok gives him

if I have any feeling towards BTS thats stronger than Love then it's RESPECT

the reason Jin was going on and on with his (R)evolution (E)volution (D)rop in the ocean thing might be because he was "hinting" at Youtube Red

one day, there will be a last...

namjoon came to post a selfie and left with a dating scandal

remember when hobi said “i wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for bangtan”...

Namjoon admitting that he’s also “just a kid” ...

"The reason I make music is because, after all, I am also afraid of the world."

Yoongi's scalp is braver than any US marine

Sometimes we forget that Namjoon is also just trying to figure out the world.

PUMA fansign: thank you for making music that changes the world

Everyone has a musical preference & enjoy when their artists reflect that.

let me talk about taehyung and how amazing he is as a friend

i like when seokjin shares stuff about his childhood, we get to know his orijin

BTS is also for redefining masculinity (hiphop is their way of life)

from humble beginnings to legends

burn the stage makes me realize that whenever rm post photos of nature ...

what exactly makes namjoon the sexiest for me ...

the reason seokjin’s chest and shoulders are so wide

Bighit: O! R YU DEAD, 2?

"What's your favourite song currently?"

the mask guy: u didnt bring anything to exchange so i cant help u

namjoons exchange [in the Fake Love Teaser 1] is so funny to me...

here are some of my favourite joon interviews

"How did you join BTS?"

jin: i’ve been doing it for 4 years

I hate it when people say armys have two brain cells like bold of you to think we even have a brain (sarcasm lol)

i’m a new generation anpanman

When the Billboard news was released this morning... (wisha)

interviewer: so what are your goals?

sometimes i still think about how the fanchant of cypher pt4...

"Hoe calm down, my shoe lace is untied"

“itʼs ok, we all found bts when we needed them in our lives the most”

i’m so sorry but it’s fake love

i want to see the world from taehyung’s view

just for youuuu

i love that taehyung is never anything but proud when talking abt the fact that he’s gained weight

i bet taehyung gives the best hugs

Our bomb is like a permanent reminder...

remember when we were like omg hixtape‘s mv gonna have bomb ass choreography lmaooo

no but it's so cute bts call it family pictures and not group pictures??

there's an undeniable sexual energy between yoongi nd every trophy...

bh staff: describe yourself in one word

jin: man, blowjobs sure are a mouthful (incorrect bts quotes)

THREADS:

I came across the Deloitte 2018 Media and Entertainment Industry Outlook

hoseok is one of the best dancers in the industry...

meaning behind whalien 52

KPOP101 LESSON 8: THE MINIMALIST ART OF THE KOREAN BALLAD

getting people flustered is hoseok culture - a thread

MY TOP 10 BTS SONGS (by KommonSense)

an explanation of rap lingo BTS use in their lyrics: a thread

I have some free time so like for an unpopular opinion. (hobybIo)

My Favorite Soft BTS Moments - A Thread! (odie)

Burn The Stage made me feel extremely vulnerable. (Aileen)

as Kings of Korean History [A thread] (KommonSense)

a thread of my favorite bts-related tumblr posts

Why and how the BTS rapline's experience with rap mirrors that of OG rappers

Everytime a BTS member was supportive of the LGBT community in any way

Namjoon (RM) Owning Up to His Mistakes

odie

Bangtan dancing styles thread

hoseok is one of the best dancers in the industry

Sky’s experience as a veteran ARMY

Jimin’s gliding technique (more threads on his dance technique)

analysis of how well DNA is structured as an EDM-pop song

I took a closer look into BTS’ intro Serendipity

Park Jimin is one of the most graceful and beautiful dancers in the industry

ok newbie kpop stans, welcome to history class (fandom shit)

An Introduction for the New, the Confused, and the Curious

BTS introduction thread

Science & literature are intrinsic to understanding how BTS and ARMY

how Singularity choreography coincides with lyrics

WHAT BTS ACTUALLY SAID - A MEGA THREAD

BTS song recommendations based on genres: a thread

rap line’s verses analysis

Mnet Comebackshow (LY:Tear) pre-recording review - THREAD -

"remember when" (BTS edition)

I'm watching a BTS music video and I don't know what the hell is going on, a thread:

LY: TEAR - MUSICAL ANALYSIS.

You know why I never will trust or listen to people who say "I left because of the fandom"

Type out what the bighit intro sounds like

Tyra Banks and her biological sons; a thread:

a thread about how BTS uses their music in their storytelling

for hot100, bts did what fans suggested

"Silly Little Trivia: Literal Choreography" thread for Fake Love

UNDERSTANDING BUniverse

BTS showing LGBT+ representation and support, a thread (this, too)

BTS meets Western standards of “cool” established by 1960s music, particularly rock ethics

BTS’ success: human brand x fan relationship

to celebrate bts festa, here is a thread of army stan twt’s best moments

MEME PICS/VIDS:

Jimin in the Danger mv

save Cook-Jin

Hope as mom : can you even get in any college with these grades?

Namgi & their annoyingly jumpy kids

IM WHEEZING JIN DID IT AGAIN

Everything makes sense noW (spider bite, cooky bite)

when they let you love them

When you need to wake em up

coming soon: Kim Seokjin only wanted a boyfriend

salt baes

EXPECTATION: "We aren't talking about BTS enough!

summary of run bts ep 46

i-armys and k-armys (suga’s ghost patting the clay)

Heaviest objects in the entire universe

"You will witness taehyung and jin fighting"

The battle of the year.

Hangsang with my thug

"Tangina mo," - J-Hope, 2018

choose your mineral water.

We all know... K-ARMYS & I-ARMYS

so who is giving them the candy?

I AM FUCKING DYING LAUGHING AT THEM IGNORING ALL THE KNOCKING IN THIS SCENARIO

I got bored and made ART

remember when namjoon asked for armys to edit him in because he missed the group picture with halsey

me listening to bts album skits

hoseok: hangsang with my thugs || his thugs:

we're finally getting the country comeback we deserve

fixed Jimin’s shots in LY:Tear

jungkook: made before i was born

this is what your food looks like inside the microwave

is this a theory?

is this an invitation?

He returned from the war

avatar Jimin

Yoongi and JK’s muffled convo

im just trying to take a nice screenshot....

ah yes, the four elements: fire, earth, water and snickers

Tyra Banks: The BTS ARMY is devoted and crazy (in a good way!) xD

BTS [MV] - You Will Never Do a Live Alone

the nation's #1 producer & bts' hype man

namjoon: you. me?

jungkook when he first met joon

fierce lil meow meow

RM spinebreaker???

this looks like rap line were a group of friends who stuck together...

V was written all along in Jimin’s tweet lol

jwimin-ssi

Hangs out with Tyra Banks ONCE...

learn the alphabet with BTS

TRANS:

When Bighit said they’ll donate 3% of LY album sales, u guys mocked us...

Kim Seokjin strange points

k-netz’ reaction on the Suga-Suran dating scandal

"Can bangtan fans please not get swayed by rumors?”

BTS trainer instagram re:B.T.S.

Music critic Kim, Youngdae nim’s MINI REVIEW on “Face Yourself”

Music critic Kim, Youngdae nim’s MINI REVIEW on “Euphoria”

bang pd and namjoon about his post supporting macklemore's song 'same love'

Konkuk uni student who became Seokjin's fan after speaking with him

I'm a multi-fan, I watch and listen to many idols, but I'm truly scared of BTS

an older woman(non-celebrity) admitted how much she loved BTS

So many warm teas in this article wrote by producer/musician Seiji Kameda

#LOVE_YOURSELF_轉_Tear Album HYYH Notes Translation Thread

180518 Love Yourself 轉 Tear - Thanks To Translations

“The lyrics in BTS’ album are so great Huge congrats to receiving at BBMA ”

response to #1 Billboard 200

BTS 2018 Festa Member’s profiles

VIDS:

KBS Happy Together 3 - Spring Day sung in karaoke room

imagine being this close to sunshine

Ashes - Lim Jeong Hee ft. BTS (2011)

kook's carelessness brought out his sunshine laugh just like that

Remember when bts proved to armys that they are all really spiderman

that time the cameraman was filming bts and jungkook started telling him...

i still get so soft over this the way jin hugged taehyung...

Seokjin killed it in this part in boy in luv

the sound of their footsteps is so satisfying omg

Remember when Jin and Ken met on a year end event rehearsal and they just...

Jungkook’s ‘yes’ and smile when Miri jumped through his arms...

seokjin and his interactions with camera men

Remember when Yoongi & Namjoon sang the high notes in Young Forever...

look at the difference between taekook and jinkook’s handshake lmao

this dance break has a special place in my heart :')

remember when Taehyung accidentally cut his real hair...

Nver forget that iris stevenson was the first one to believe in taehyung...

did yall notice that fdjghgd i’m shaking (run ep 46)

To remember the great SiN/YoonJin moment...

the wings era might be over but this snippet of each member’s solo songs...

Yes, Mom. This man right here. I love him. No more questions?

this is the best video of jin to ever exist

here’s jungkook having fun dancing to mama and lie

slush ft. jin

tell me why is it so funny that yoongi only opened 1/10 of his door n went back so fast

nothing but respect for my choreography leader

when jungkook opened the window well aware that it was raining

what makes you laugh? seokjin’s face

Bringing this back when taehyung was dancing nae nae...

SOMEBODY GIVE THIS BABY BLANKET AND BED...

i love this performance so fucking much!!!!

your ultimate mood booster (hobiiii)

HOLY SHIT MIN FUCKING YOONGI DID THAT

susko sobra ung bucket hats

THE WAY YOONGI AND HOSEOK SAY "RM" TOGETHER

remember when seokjin and hoseok were recognized by fans in america

jungkook imitated namjoon's finger heart and wink in a cute way

A compilation loop of Hoseok sneezing because it’s cute. Bless you!!

remember when jimin was hyping about their concert but hoseok

Hoseok left the group during Trainee days

heres 12 seconds of yoongi doing That Scream™ ...

this is what happens when you openly listen to bts without prejudice

when i say i want a rock song, i want THIS.

When Jungkook couldn’t pronounce Army bomb because of his Busan accent

U kno the thing joon does when he finds something?

reminding all of you that the special talent yoongi prepared is... imitating a doorbell

Here's a compilation of musicians getting shook by the sudden change to major in Jimin's 'Lie'

He actually blew a kiss how adorable

The fanboying level on this video is just

Hoseok doing background vocals/harmonising in Let Go (??)

...namjoon literally gets amused at the toy which blows a ball in the air...

NAMJOON DROPPED THE MIC HE WAS HOLDING AND JIN...

Lie rough instrumental

rough draft of Autumn Leaves, Young Forever, Wings (RM), Wings (JK)

Joon’s voice in the BBMA nomination teaser

Jin's reaction when I (sky) told him I brought him a present...

why BTS was nominated for BB TSA 2018

taehyung was fighting back his tears when they won TSA at 2017 BBMAs

Yoongi forgot his lines in Ma City and he just...

mannequin Tae

Bangtan ended ALL fashion weeks tonight !! (4th muster japan)

members cheering jimin up, wings tour macao

RM’s ending ment, Wings Tour the finale (Day 2?)

never forget bts' iconic reaction when they won their first daesang

When Jin was bowing, Jimin held him down and Jungkook immediately ran to sit in front of him.

jimin and seokjin debating whether dolphins could breathe underwater

look at tae's reaction when bang pd's voice broke

interviewer: what?

“DonT FiGht, Dont Fight!” :(((

RM: “we want to focus on our career”

Q: what's your favorite thing about yourself? yoongi: ᶤ ˡᶤᵏᵉ ᵖᵘᵖᵖʸ

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT HOW JOON TRIED TO DO THE LIL DISNEY WAND THING WITH HIS FINGER IM HURTING

jungkook’s closeups

BTS with Ciara at the BBMAs 2018

don’t ever forget that seokjin is one hell of a snowboarder

“the reason why bts, who was not supported by big agencies, succeeded, is that they tried to read the world and to breathe [with the world] together”

this is what happens when u leave namjoon and jimin alone together

this video of seokjin being hype then instantly stops when his manager look at him will never be not funny

LMFAOOO WAIT TAEHYUNG AND NEYO WERE JAMMING TOGETHER

An exclusive interview with #BTS ! (MBC News)

i love this version of airplane pt. 2 so much (jk+jm part) (jimin mode~) yt link full

john cena getting asked whats his favorite song off love yourself tear

The female staff who video tapes BTS bangtan bombs is amazing

WHAT THE FUCK JUNGKOOK LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE SEOKJIN...

Q: Please say something to international ARMYs

awake (short harp cover)

airplane pt. 2 dance cover

compilation of yoongi stuff in raps

wHY IS JUNGKOOK LIKE THIS

the way he said "what's your name?" and shouted "michelle!"

full vid of the two links above

#ISeoulU bts vid 2015

Tyra Bank’s music vid for Fake Love

vmin in sync is scary

fake love original choreo

jungkook said ‘mic drop!’ after he stepped on the wire and made the mic fall

tae acting in euphoria

puppy jungkook is still the most ᵘʷᵘ :(

hobi jk mirror dance with finger heart (mcountdown)

ONEW WAS THROWING CONFETTI AT TAE PLEASE THATS SO CUTE

Look how Jiminie gave the trophy to Yoongi cuz baby boy knows

tae: so show me army: i’ll show you~ {music core)

minho and tae hugging (music core)

tae’s aegyo in board game run ep

look at taehyung acting all cute in the back

when seokjin goes like (•3•) its the cutest thing ever

wow jimin was that an accident

YOONGI REALLY IMITATED HIM IM SKFJDJ

What 시 (si; hour) is it?

SUGA: honestly, I rlly liked pro-wrestling

a fancam of taehyung spilling his water on his face

ARMY giving hobi a flower with his face on it (fansign) (180603)

BTS: *on their way to a very serious interview on one of Korea's biggest news channels*

yoonkok instant hug BV S1

sunud-sunod na aegyo in anpanman outfits

jungkook pulled off straps and threw down two straps then taejin picked them up

legends say this is the closest rep of how hoseok looks in real life

Kihyun really had the courage to throw confetti in yoongi's face tho

52 year-old man is a director of a company in Japan dancing DNA

I stan a king of fan service he's so adorable!

when taehyung was fake crying and jimin came & softly hugged him from behind

this or that game

jk imitating his hyungs (180607 fansign)

HOW UNSEE THIS IM LAUGHINF SO HARD shkhhh (awake)

biggest mystery in kpop - who's collecting who in the background??? (taejin?)

SEOKJIN ENDED THE PERFORMANCE DOING A FINGER HEART... 180607

hopekook's modified mirror dance 180607 mcountdown

jk reacting to ariana grande bbmas 2018

Look a joonie :( look at him go :(

REMEMBER WHEN HOSEOK SAID HE WAS CLINGY WITH YOONGI (BV2)...

noona fan giving hobi and jimin “allowance”

namjoon drunk-tweeting?

carbonara

LOOK AT LIL MEOW MEOW GO (basketball)

look at jimin’s reaction when a noona gave him a finger heart

they had to throw the yellow cloth at the finish of the performance...

OTHER PICS:

tae being so accepting in star king ;w;

i may be not here since 2013, but im still lucky to witnessed yeontan's lil growth

remember when bangtan was running late for their show...

NAMJOON’S REPLY TO THE SELCA JIN POSTED OF HIM...

hobi and his hearts

ep 1& 2 of B.T.S. has at least cleared up 2 main issues in this fandom

RM has a little #WednesdayWisdom from Burn The Stage.

This photo is a complete mess.

yoongi’s kind of humor is my favorite

Their biggest dream isn’t to break records, its to stay together for a long time.

They recorded their interviews for the documentary when they did Gayo track 15

what jimin said here was really interesting and great

the most powerful twins

They decided not to blur these faces of people who's behind BTS’ success.

BTS calls their staff with nicknames, noona or hyung...

it really went from edits to jungkook actually saying it

IM CRYING BIGHIT PAID FOR YOONGIS TUITON :((

LMFAO at none of them even touching the salad

tae’s uneven eyelids

when jin got allowance from his dad to buy steak...

LOOK AT YOONGI RUN SJDNDNDNDN

give me a better photo transition I'll wait #euphoria

love yourself 起 wonder (2018)

jin being peymous even pre-debut

THIS STILL GOTTA BE THE FUNNIEST THING JOON HAS EVER SAID

the most remarkable twins in history

a turkish tv show asked for ppl to send in pics w their siblings and someone sent in jin and jimin

taehyung’s a legend that listens to music on his laptop on the go

onigiri yoongi

MY MOTHER CAME INTO MY ROOM AND ASKED IF JIMIN IS MY BOYFRIEND

jung hoseok aka the king of mirror selcas

Tiny bestfriends vmin who have been inseparable since kindergarten AU

old bts pics I still can't believe exist: a thread

yoongi at namjoon's graduation (w/ hoseok)

I COMBINED TAEGI'S PICS TOGETHER AND OH MY GOD SJSB

"i put sticker on my carrier" yeah ryt

oh nothing just seokjin casually putting his LG G7 ThinQ at his jacket pocket

He show his flower uwu

taehyung accidentally becoming a meme on diplo's snapchat

Never forget Jungkook's Hongdae adventures

THANKS JIN for not killing jungkook

liam’s post of namjoon :D

that one time namjoon tweeted a picture of them with the caption of “we are all fools”

A 59-year-old friend of mine talking about Love Yourself:Tear

I was worried because I thought yoongi kept doing some kind of gang sign but--

This has to be the best reaction to a non-fan of BTS...

when you are sitting beside BTS but mcflurry ice cream is life

why is this exactly what all of their mixtapes sound like

dispatch - yoongi, fake love

taehyung’s chubby cheeks when he smiles

taehyung and his tea

OMFGGMFM LOOK AT Tyra Banks when boys went up for their award she’s a whole Mood I love her

BTS FESTA 2018 prediction

carry him again, jin

I KNEW THEY WERE GONNA CLOWN HIM

top10 mistranslations betrayal

Yoongi doing ᵗʰᵃᵗ smile

wide open yoongi

brigada eskwela stairs album art

jin flower petals (fansign)

namjoon vs svt jihoon

yoongi continuing his lil meow meow agenda

These two cuties just melted my whole heart (tae and tanie)

So... are we gonna talk about how they drew one stickman thicker than the rest

Low key promoted BTS the past 3 weeks in our hospital...

The exact same cat, same plant & same island taken 1 year apart. (ARMYSelca)

yoongi bunched up(?)

#bts #twitter #my post

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inflagranteinnuendo · 7 years

Text

92 Truths

Thanks @writefasttalkevenfaster for the tag ;)

LAST…

Drink -Christine: Sauvignon Blanc (Kenzo, Napa Valley, California 2014) because it’s a dessert wine and i am a sweet mofo -Hun: like drink or ~drink~ because the answer is either water or tequila

Phone Call -Christine: a downtown law firm to enquire about a class action (really.) -Hun: my school’s financial aid office which is a wild ride

Song you listened to -Christine: Most of All, by JMSN -Hun: ocean eyes, by Billie Eilish

Time you cried -Christine: reading When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi -Hun: last night lol

HAVE YOU EVER ____?

Dated someone twice -Christine: yes. don’t do it, kids. -Hun: i literally haven’t even dated anyone once

Been cheated on -Christine: lmao i’d like to see them try and get away with it -Hun: no one has had the opportunity

Kissed someone and regretted it -Christine: fuck. it was also like a slow realization of what the fuck did i do which i think is worse -Hun: haven’t kissed anyone at all lmao

Lost someone special - Christine: i only have one grandparent left - Hun: I also only have one grandparent left

Been Depressed - Christine: yep - Hun: ahuh

Been drunk and thrown up - Christine: yepppppp unfortunately - Hun: literally me like every 3 days

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

Made a new friend -Christine: yesssss looking at you @writefasttalkevenfaster and @mrsrafaelbarba and also my hunny bunny - Hun: I made like 50+ doing some stuff at school which was cool and also mi monita (Christine)

Fallen out of love -Christine: yes and it was the best thing that has ever happened - Hun: this tag was meant for someone with a life

Laughed until you cried -Christine: YES THIS PAST WEEK TWICE - Hun: Earlier in the year back when I hadn’t seen every vine compilation 100 times and they were still fresh to me lmao

Met someone who changed you -Christine: does raul esparza count (havent actually met him in person but my eyes have met him through a screen ok i just decided that esparza counts) - Hun: not really

Found out who your true friends are -Christine: waddup 2012. turbulent year of back-stabbings - Hun: definitely.

Found out someone was talking about you -Christine: yes and apparently I’m a cold elitist bitch, go figure. - Hun: actually no not at all but maybe people just aren’t telling me

GENERAL

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life? -Christine: two - Hun: none

Do you have any pets? -Christine: no but i want a marimo moss ball - Hun: I have a basset hound!!!! His name is Bandit and he is the Best Boy™️!!

Do you want to change your name? -Christine: my actual legal name gets butchered a lot but hey, if ppl can say arnold schwarzenegger then ppl can say mine, capice? i ain’t gonna change it for anybody’s lazy ass tongue. -Hun: Hun is actually a preferred name that I very much prefer but not at all professional sounding, so I like that my proper name is there to be ambiguous and will probably look cool on a name plate

What time did you wake up this morning? -Christine: 8:30AM because dis bitch is still on vacation - Hun: I am also on vacation still but I got up at noon lmao

What were you doing last night -Christine: writing this really sad dodds fic and quoting barba’s contrapasso closing argument @writefasttalkevenfaster sorry girl if it’s fair then it must be just - Hun: I binged watched a bunch of youtube beauty videos

Name something you cannot wait for -Christine: to be finally settled into a residency program i actually like and enjoy - Hun: better

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? -Christine: nope - Hun: No actually

What’s getting on your nerves right now? -Christine: other than my neurotransmitters nothing much - Hun: myself lol

Blood Type -Christine: Coffee+ -Hun: I don’t know but as a really bad anemic person I probably should shouldn’t I

Nickname -Christine: monkey, homicidal monkey in the hat (don’t ask. actually ask @mrsrafaelbarba or @writefasttalkevenfaster) -Hun: bunny, hunny bunny, “hunty” by my sisters

Relationship status -Christine: single -Hun: caballo deprimido

Zodiac -Christine: scorpio -Hun: pisces

Pronouns -Christine & Hun: she/her

Favorite Show -Christine: do not do this to me. I was into BBC Sherlock for a really long time (hence my @moriartyhiii URL) and now i’m into svu (hence this blog) -Hun: SVU of course

College -Christine: University of Depression, campus Crying. -Hun: lmao i go to NYU feel free to stalk

Hair colour -Christine & Hun: Dark Brown

Do you have a crush on someone? -Christine: nope. haven’t since like 2015. -Hun: pete scallopini

What do you like about yourself? -Christine: I like that I really know and respect myself -Hun: ?? idk i’d like to think I’m pretty funny

FIRSTS

Surgery -Christine: done on me- wisdom teeth removal, done on a patient- 14h bilateral lung transplant -Hun: Sometimes you get cysts and it be like that

Piercing -Christine: ears, circa 2014 -Hun: I got my ears pierced maybe in 2004? This says “firsts” but i’m gonna tell you anyway that I got them pierced 9 times lmao and i have my nose and bellybutton done

Sport you joined -Christine: basketball grade 7-12 and first year of college, ballet from age 5 on and off till now, running from first year of college -Hun: I have never done physical activity in my life. I was in marching band lmao

Vacation -Christine: China, Japan, parts of Canada, Australia -Hun: I’ve been up north before (a michigan thing) but I had to hunt which is a pain to me so I wouldn’t call them vacations so I really have never

Pair of sneakers -Christine: don’t do this to me don’t ok fine Reeboks, Nikes, New Balance, Nikes again, Puma -Hun: My first pair of sneakers? I dont get this category why would I know this? So I have many a nike for a person who doesn’t move but I have a pair of white fake keds that are torn and ripped and the bottoms don’t exist but I’m never throwing them away

RIGHT NOW

Eating -Christine: air -Hun: nada

Drinking -Christine: water -Hun: gatorade

I’m about to -Christine: write a smut hc for you thirsty thirsty ppl -Hun: go back to bed

Listening to -Christine: Daydream by Medasin -Hun: the fan

Want kids? -Christine: max two -Hun: Idk I’m like 9 i need time to think

Get married? -Christine: probably? idk -Hun: well I sure fuckin hope

Career -Christine: Med student, aspiring surgeon -Hun: Student, receptionist, clarinet instructor who hopes she’ll be cut out for corporate law

WHICH IS BETTER?

Lips or eyes -Christine & Hun: Eyes

Hugs or kisses -Christine: kisses -Hun: I ain’t never done the kissing but I’m gonna assume its neat

Shorter or taller -Christine & Hun: Taller

Romantic or spontaneous -Christine & Hun: romantic

Sensitive or loud -Christine & Hun: sensitive

Hook up or relationship -Christine: let’s be completely honest here. nothing beats the feeling of fuck em & leave em wanting for more yes i am that asshole -Hun: ^^ I would love to be cool like that. But also *michael scott voice* I love [relationships]. Love to be a part of one someday.

Troublemaker or hesitant -Christine: troublemaker -Hun: hesitant. plz sit down, sir

HAVE YOU EVER…

Kissed a stranger -Christine: yes -Hun: sighing

Drank hard liquor -Christine: yes when i was 20 and thought macallan 25 was hard liquor -Hun: constantly

Lost contacts/glasses -Christine & Hun: dont wear either

Sex on first date -Christine: yep -Hun: now im just sad

Broken someone’s heart -Christine: since we’ve established that i’m an asshole, yes -Hun: my own i’m boo boo the fool

Been arrested -Christine: Nope -Hun: well not “arrested” but I did have to sit in the back of a cop car for awhile lmao long story

Turned someone down -Christine: Yes -Hun: the opportunity has not presented itself

Fallen for a friend -Christine: kinda but i was like 11 -Hun: oh boy i have many a tale on this subject

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ___?

Yourself -Christine: Yes -Hun: lol

Miracles -Christine: no bec i’m a cynical mofo -Hun: at this point I sure hope

Love at first sight? -Christine: nope -Hun: i dont know her i suddenly can’t read

Heaven -Christine: nope -Hun: i do!! am i going?? probably not

Santa Claus -Christine: my brother does (he’s 9) and i buy his gifts so that makes me santa and since we’ve established that i believe in myself, then yes i believe in santa -Hun: my mom didn’t let me believe in santa ever so no, but i want you all to know i was such a good elementary school kid for not saying shit - when kids were mean to me i could’ve just wrecked them but I DID NOT

I tag @barbabangme, @serendiptious-esparza, @dreila03

#get to know us #tldr christine is a cynical asshole santa/elitist cold bitch????#tldr hun is a caballo deprimido

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imzenagirl-blog · 6 years

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Does Tinder Work? A Personal Inquiry

Last week, I was asked the question, “What habit do you have that conflicts with your values?” on a Burning Man app. It’s tough to clearly see my own faults, so I asked Sam since he’s the sort of friend who knows all about my bullshit and calls me out on it. “Well, I’d say that you’re someone who places a high value on meaningful connection and relationships. But you continue to use Tinder even though it’s unlikely to find that on the apps.” Ouch. I quickly became defensive, “Oh c’mon, you can find awesome people on the apps! Think about the girl you’re super good friends with right now through Tinder. Or all of the relationships I’ve been in.” “Yeah, sure, you can find meaningful relationships on Tinder, but that’s not the usual, it’s a fluke. I’d be curious to know how much success you’ve actually found.” 💡 Luckily for me, I am a crazy person who keeps a list of every person I’ve met from Tinder. Don’t judge me for it! It’s useful for self-reflection, noticing patterns, remembering good stories, and knowing if anyone I’ve met becomes super famous one day. I keep tons of lists, I’m a list person.

I’ve used all the apps; Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Feeld, FetLife, The League, CMB. At the end of the day, Tinder is by far my favorite because I find the others to be a bit elitist. Tinder is a classic.

I’ve met a lot of people on Tinder. 88 dates to be exact. Did your jaw drop? *(actually I’ve met 92 because I’ve met a few couples). That’s a lot of people to be meeting and time spent meeting them. In some periods of my life I would consider meeting people to be a bizarre hobby of mine. But how many of those meetups were “successful”? How can I even quantify that? Should I measure it by length of time spent together? How comfortable I felt sharing things about myself with that person? How frequently we hung out? Did we hold hands? Did we spend the night? Did I meet their friends? How can I possibly measure the success of a relationship? This is not a black or white decision.

Out of the 88, 50 were a one-time thing. At first glance I thought, oh, then those dates must’ve been unsuccessful. But looking through my list, that couldn’t possibly be the case. Only a handful of dates I’ve gone on have been “bad.” (But even then, everyone loves a horrifying first date story!) A single date was a worthwhile use of my time on plenty of occasions: -Learned about what I do/don’t like in potential partners -Acted out my kink of crying to strangers -Listened to many fascinating stories -Learned about how other people work -Listened to new music that was shared with me -Went on an 8 mile run through Manhattan w/Ryan -Spoke with Eric, a former high-end escort, about his lifestyle for hours -A rich french man named Julien bit a mole off my back -Went to super cool or exclusive bars I could’ve never otherwise afforded -Attended concerts for free or received drugs -Convinced someone who superliked me to go to the Mermaid Parade for 6 hours after only 3 messages back and forth -Went on a date with the sole purpose of seeing how long I could get this guy to walk with me for. We walked for almost 6 hours -Met my longtime online pen pal Troy after we matched on his bike ride across the country -Threw a party and thought it would be a good idea to invite two guys from Tinder. It was nerve-racking when they started becoming friends with each other, but in the end it’s a half-decent story to tell -Tried dating the manager at my favorite pizza place because it was my favorite pizza place (Neopapalis by the way). Things didn’t work out, but it was worth the try.

I’ve gained valuable experiences through people I’ve met via Tinder: Tinder helped me discover myself. As some of you may know, I spent a period of my life truly believing that I was gay. I was able to get over my fears and meet women, date them, and have sex with them. I learned that, hey, pussy ain’t for me. But I’m so happy that I know for sure instead of having to question my sexual identity any longer.

Tinder empowered me to embrace my sexuality. The second person I ever met from Tinder was in a polyamorous relationship. We were never romantic because I felt a bit weird seeing someone with a girlfriend, but we became good friends. His name was John and he loved kink and he loved drugs. I learned all about this taboo world I had always been so curious about from him until I felt comfortable enough to venture into it on my own. I’m not sure if I would’ve otherwise been introduced, or had the courage to find myself, these two forbidden topics. He was the first person I met who openly talked about his depression. I would run my hands over the cuts up and down his arms and finally felt like I was a normal person.

I lost my virginity through Tinder. Yup, you heard it here folks. After experiencing sexual assault, the idea of having a positive experience with consensual sex seemed out of reach. I matched with someone I had known for awhile, finally signaling my sexual attraction to him. Well aware that I was a virgin, he treated me well during our several interactions. It was a great day and changed the trajectory of my thoughts toward sexuality and men. He has a girlfriend, but some days I think about writing him a letter to thank him for helping me feel comfortable in my body.

I met the craziest person I know, Prince. Otherwise known as The Prince Hot Jordan 11 (because he is the one again). As a model/recording artist, Prince lived an insane lifestyle. We hung out in the nicest house I’ve ever seen in the West Village. We went on a triple tinder date. A body guard hung around us for a reason I do not know. He sent me outlandish sexts that I’ve posted on my finsta. Overall, he’s an absolute madlad that I would love to cross paths with one day again.

I went to Burning Man. I met a man for lunch at a Thai restaurant and went back to his apartment to see the lightshow he had built for this years event. After only one conversation, he offered me a ride to Black Rock City. We met one more time for ice cream to finalize our plans, but a week later I flew to SLC and went on a road trip with him to BM. We went to Great Basin National Park and did a lot of other neat stuff. We were from two different worlds, he was 35 and had a totally different perspective on life. Either way, he patiently listened to me talk for hours about my life and my feelings. After months of not feeling ok in NYC, I felt content in the middle of nowhere with him. He was a good person, I hope he finds someone.

I’ve had several positive relationships through Tinder. We never fell in love, nor was that perhaps ever the intention, but I cared deeply for each one of them.

Smitty was the first boy I really liked who liked me back. We matched on Tinder, but had never exchanged messages with each other. A couple of weeks later, he sat next to me in class and had the courage to ask me out. He would play music on his record player and teach me all about it. I smoked weed for the first time with him. We went to parties, he met my mom over ice cream. I slept over at his house almost every night over the winter since it was cozier. I had stronger feelings for other people throughout our time together and I feel bad about that. I cared for him and he’s now an incredible photographer in California.

Koerner was a special soul. We met at my apartment when I had first moved in and my only piece of furniture was a mattress on the floor. That’s where we talked for hours, until my friend Atkinson (who I had invited to come over before making plans with Koerner) showed up. Koerner wasn’t weirded out by the invitation of my friend to our Tinder date. He was a great cook and would make us dinner. We had many intense philosophical conversations, he was a good listener when I cried. He had great stories about starting a non-profit in Somalia and living on a ranch in the Sierra Nevada mountains. Later on, I dated Joe and they actually became close friends in an odd twist of fate. We’re still friends.

I met Arlo on the same day of a serious breakup. He listened to my feelings. He was there as a relief, someone to talk to. We loved to play loud music and dance when we were together. We would trip on acid and go swimming in the lake. We went jogging in the park. He became friends with my friends and we hungout at porch parties all summer. I had been sleeping with a guy named Spencer in a poly relationship and in bizarre coming together, we all became good friends. We had a foursome even. I’m still very close with Spencer’s ex gf, too. It’s my favorite story of how I met a good friend. At the end of the summer, he left to go back to school. We don’t talk anymore, but that’s ok.

I met a boy on an apartment staircase on my way to an Odesza concert. I was on a lot of drugs and thought that he had a weird lisp. Later, we matched on Tinder and I learned that he was from London and not just talking funny. We hungout at his place and he made a move while we were watching Vine compilations. I had recently broken up with my boyfriend and wasn’t ready for any more pain, but spending time with him was so easy and simple. We would go to the gym together in the morning. I went to fraternity parties for the first time with him. He became friends with my ex boyfriend, which was weird, but also oddly endearing. Now he’s in love and he deserves it.

Finally, the fluke outcome. Out of 88 people, I fell in love with one. Joseph from Tinder. Joe was number 8. We met at a men’s rowing party and I took him home to have the most awkward sexual encounter of my life. We didn’t speak all fall semester until I accidentally sat next to him in the front row of Econ 401 during winter term. In a 400 person class, he was the only one unafraid to raise his hand to answer questions and he was always right. Nothing happened between us. Over the summer, I was on a Tinder date with Juan, who offered me LSD. In my altered state, I decided to text dozens of people to come join us in the park. Joe came and we eventually ditched Juan and went back to his apartment. He told me crazy stories and for the first time ever, I became attracted to Joe. We became friends and started dating months later. Long story short, we grew up together, he helped make me who I am. Things didn’t work out, but I will always love Joe, the boy I met on Tinder.

So, what’s the takeaway from all of this? Does Tinder work? Truth is, there’s no simple, black and white answer. You can read my stories and determine for yourself. From my point of view, I’d meet all 88 people again. But I never found exactly what I was looking for in a single one - everything good came by accident. Tinder provided me with short term bursts of happiness and connectivity, but any long term happiness was a rare outcome. My suggestion, if you want to find people different from you and have no expectations from them, then go ahead and use Tinder. It’s fun. If you want to find love or friendship, get out into the world and open your eyes to the people around you.

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downthatrabbitholewego · 8 years

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February 2017

This is a compilation of fics that I've read/re-read over the past month. Faves get a star ( ★ ). There is also a separate fic rec page for my favorites here, if you'd like to check that out. :)

MONTH: February, 2017 | (older lists)

▶▶ A Start by Inell Teen And Up | 1,458w Derek's acting like a jealous boyfriend. The only issue? He and Stiles aren't dating.

▶▶ An RA's Guide to Mutual Pining by alocalband Teen And Up | 2,208w "Stiles, this is the sixth time in two weeks that you've locked yourself out of your own room in the middle of the night and that Scott won’t pick up his phone to let you in." "Uh, yeah, man, tell me about it. He really needs to step up his roommate game." Derek seriously can't take this anymore.

▶▶ Candy Hearts by dragon_temeraire General | 1,133w Stiles decides that, since they're the only two single members of the pack, he and Derek should spend Valentine's Day together.

▶▶ Cute Bus Stop Guy by leslieknopeismyspiritanimal Teen And Up | 2,142w The guy gave him a curt little nod and neatly sidestepped him, continuing on his way. Stiles snuck a look over his shoulder, and yep, the rear view in those tight slacks was pretty good, too. The guy stopped at the bus stop, leaning against the sign, and Stiles sighed. It was a dreamy sigh, even he could admit that. He had a feeling he was going to become a morning person.

▶▶ Delivery Drivers: Unsung Heroes of the Restaurant Biz by DeliberateMisspelling Teen And Up | 4,756w Derek Hale is a Good Samaritan, okay? That's how he got roped into helping out Laura in the first place. Helping the attractive stranger who just literally collapsed into his arms might be more fun, though. Not that he'll ever admit it, especially since he got puked on first.

▶▶ Demanding Forever Series [1] That Stalky Thing by wangler Mature | 2,560w Derek frowns, thrown off. Teenagers are confusing. [2] Scientists Document This Stuff by wangler Explicit | 3,264w "Your arbitrary sex rules are getting really old," Stiles says, lipping at Derek's mouth like a goat at a petting zoo.

▶▶ Dog's Best Friend by otter General | 8,923w Other people might have found the name of the place off-putting. Stiles didn’t. He was actually relieved, when Scott handed him a business card that said "HALEHOUNDS" across the top, because clearly, if anybody could recognize and understand the evil that lurked within his dog’s fluffy precious body, it was these people.

▶▶ Former Employment by dragon_temeraire ★ Teen And Up | 4,023w Professor Stilinski is definitely not expecting to see his favorite porn star among the students of his Human Sexuality class.

▶▶ Help Wanted (But Not Really) by reillyblack ★ Mature | 20,525w "Stiles, I'll clear up your confusion about the position. Derek here needs someone to live with him. He's a difficult person to live with, so I won't sugarcoat that. But his responsibilities at the company right now make it impossible for him to actually take care of himself and his home. That would be your job," Laura explained. Both Stiles and Derek objected at the same time."

▶▶ Hot Like Burning by leslieknopeismyspiritanimal Teen And Up | 2,762w In which Derek is the grumpy neighborhood firefighter, and Stiles is a bit of a lovestruck idiot.

▶▶ How Awkward by stileshale N/A | 9,533w A shadow falls over him, and he blinks up to see Derek looking highly amused, pushing a stroller and shirtless. Ugh, Derek is one of those wholesome people that goes jogging on a Saturday morning. And, if that doesn’t make Stiles feel bad enough, he does it shirtless. And looks good. So good. Stiles swings round on his knees to look at the baby inside, trying not to hyperventilate. "Oh my god, you’re the cutest baby I've ever seen!" he declares, "And you were raised by wolves? You're not nearly as hairy as I would have imagined!"

▶▶ how to unsend an embarrassing text (hint: you can't) by bibliosexual General | 1,879w Laura tells him it's cowardly and unromantic to confess feelings over text, but too bad. Derek can't think of anything more terrifying than showing up on Stiles' doorstep (conveniently, the apartment right below Derek's) to tell him to his face. And Derek wants to know, okay? Has to know. He needs closure. He can't keep second-guessing every microsecond of every interaction with Stiles, trying to guess how he's feeling, and he can't keep hoping like this. He'll go insane. Stiles has been his neighbor/friend/hopeless crush for almost six months already, and Derek definitely can’t take another six.

▶▶ I Spy a Reunion by 42hrb Teen And Up | 1,088w In high school Stiles wanted a job he could brag about, too bad he can't brag about his job now.

▶▶ I won't sleep if you won't sleep by dragon_temeraire Teen And Up | 4,085w After the nogitsune, Stiles is unable to sleep. To help, he has a spell cast on him that will link him with Derek.

▶▶ Illuminated by ZainClaw Teen And Up | 5,013w "Because I'm falling in love with you and it's scaring the hell out of me."

▶▶ Like Immortality by Idday ★ Teen And Up | 4,815w Stiles and Derek, in letters, through the years.

▶▶ little spoon by bibliosexual ★ Teen And Up | 4,489w To save money while attending college in NYC, Stiles and Derek decide to rent one tiny apartment together. With one bed.

▶▶ Love So Hard, It Could Rip My Heart Out by Lapin ★ Mature | 7,554w Stiles is seventeen, and his best friend is drifting away, and his dad isn't speaking to him, so he's going to make some bad decisions. He's seventeen and he needs bad decisions to look back on when he's thirty, and nothing is a worse decision than Derek Hale. He'll let the Big Bad Wolf in, let him press Stiles down into the couch and he'll wrap his arms around him and he'll know it's a bad choice, but it's his, and Derek is here when no one else is.

▶▶ Mǣnōn by MyBeth Explicit | 9,237w Knotting. It’s a thing that exists. Like werewolves and weird lizard creatures. It’s just rated NC-17 so you don’t hear about it so much on TV. It exists and he gets it. Stiles. He’s the one that gets it.

▶▶ meat cute by bleep0bleep Teen And Up | 1,046w u should give it to ur werewolf ;) Stiles stares at his phone, because he doesn’t have a werewolf. Well, technically he has a crush on a werewolf, but that doesn't really count. He buys the steak anyways.

▶▶ No Refills by scottmcniceass Teen And Up | 6,765w Stiles spends almost every night at Winston Diner. They have the best coffee he's ever tasted, and free wifi. Of course, the only waiter ever on staff after eleven, Derek, was a piece of work. But maybe, underneath that chilly personality, Derek was the kind of person who Stiles didn't mind spending every night with, after all.

▶▶ No Refunds or Exchanges by badwolfbadwolf Mature | 18,916w Stiles is the newest deputy in the Beacon Hills Sheriff’s Department, and has maybe just been a little in love with Derek Hale since Stiles had made a fool of himself in front of him at the SD summer picnic a few years ago. Being married to him—only for the sake of not getting deported—is going to suck in new and unusual ways.

▶▶ Nonsexual Favors by sterekseason N/A | 846w Prompt: "I need a favor, and not the sexual kind."

▶▶ Not Quite A Siren, But Something Like That by lapsus_calami General | 2,891w There's a sea creature stealing all of Derek's stuff. For some reason he finds that more endearing than annoying.

▶▶ Of Glasses And Lacrosse Sticks by charlesdk Teen And Up | 6,810w "Okay, how 'bout this? One date, just one date, and if you still don't believe I'm genuinely interested in you, then I'll leave you alone for good. How does that sound?" Derek hesitated for another moment, before he sighed and said, "Fine. One date."

▶▶ One life stand by Vendelin ★ Explicit | 84,278w Stiles is used to selling himself to make ends meet. But it's getting harder to keep those ends meeting, and there's only so much of Stiles to go around. Until a too-fancy car shows up in his neighborhood, and he meets Derek Hale. All Derek wants is Stiles's time, someone to stay on his arm for events and smile for the cameras. It's the easiest job Stiles has ever had, the best-paying one he's ever had, and he's more than happy to sign up. Derek is everything and nothing Stiles expects him to be, with his tailored suits, sharp mind and his quiet way of caring. But it's just a job and Stiles never meant to fall in love.

▶▶ Orchard Lane Series [1] A Blossoming Romance by Trelkez Teen And Up | 7,533w Stiles will just have to try harder next time. No one can ignore him forever. [2] Welcoming Committee by Trelkez Teen And Up | 2,625w "I miss the days when I thought Derek was the strangest person on this block," Stiles says.

▶▶ Peeping Stiles by literaryoblivion Mature | 16,550w Stiles finds himself outside Derek's house because he just can't seem to stay away.

▶▶ quoting Rhett Butler by haleofStilesheart Teen And Up | 2,445w Stiles has a bad habit of dating complete assholes. Good thing Derek's there to knock some sense into him.

▶▶ Taking Care by LoveActually_rps Explicit | 3,413w Derek had returned from a conference where the new CEO, Mr Stiles Stilinski, took over his company in a so called meeting where all the white collared, richly clothed shareholders - assholes - voted against Derek. He hadn’t even waited for a final handshake with the new owner. He knew, he’d never be able to fake a smile when his heart was shattering into a thousand pieces. Well, they had Peter to deal with these formalities.

▶▶ the blazing bombardier by bibliosexxual N/A | 1,599w Derek fundamentally doesn’t understand people who like roller coasters.

▶▶ the roommate by bibliosexxual N/A | 1,826w Stiles' mysterious new roommate shows up right as Stiles and Scott are sliding their second tray of ginger snaps out of the oven. Stiles thought it’d be a nice way to welcome him, break the ice a little, all that. He’s also planning to make some sugar cookies in case D. Hale has less adventurous tastes. Never let it be said that Stiles Stilinski doesn’t plan ahead.

▶▶ To Be Worthy Of Hope by alocalband ★ Teen And Up | 7,482w "If you can't say the words, you're not mature enough to know what they mean," Scott tells him. Stiles throws a french fry at him. (In which Derek is secretly pining, Stiles is oblivious to both Derek’s feelings as well as his own, and any personal growth that happens in the mean time is completely reluctant.)

▶▶ We All Fall by cobrilee N/A | 815w Derek has a thing for Stiles' bed. Stiles doesn’t question it.

▶▶ We're Burning One Hell of a Something by calrissian18 Mature | 6,031w Derek's roommate has already moved in by the time he shows up. And he's taken up both sides of the room.

▶▶ Werewolf-Friendly by badwolfbadwolf ★ Explicit | 27,227w Derek is a junior in college, never could get the hang of social interaction, and is, you know, a werewolf. A werewolf and a virgin. And it isn't like anyone is banging down his door to hop on his werewolf dick, save for the few pervs who acted like he was some kind of exotic toy to be played with and experienced. So, when he sees Stiles' ad on Hot Men 4 Rent, Derek is... interested.

▶▶ You've got me slippin' and a slidin' by ElisAttack General | 3,683w Derek lives in the middle of nowhere, and is probably in love with his delivery boy.

▶▶ (Untitled Tumblr ficlet) by bibliosexxual Mature | 4,220w Prompt: Stiles tries to seduce Derek but Derek has the habit of only dating older people (Jennifer, Kate...). So he says no to Stiles and Stiles is really disappointed but by chance he keeps seeing Derek and with time Derek realizes that he may have made a mistake.

▶▶ (Untitled Tumblr ficlet) by nogitsunelichen N/A | 696w Prompt: "I thought it was a one-night stand... but now we're married..."

▶▶ (Untitled Tumblr ficlet) by sterekseason N/A | 377w Derek shows up to his first pack meeting after moving back to Beacon Hills wearing worn out jeans and a faded flannel, chest hair popping out near the top. His beard is full, his hair is longer, almost long enough for a bun, his eyes have smile lines. He's happy.

▶▶ (Untitled Tumblr ficlet) by villainny N/A | 678w Prompt: Derek is a deliveryman and Stiles ordered a hug

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#read fics list #sterek fics #sterek fanfiction #sterek #2017 - FEBRUARY

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