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Rereading my posts and am heartbroken for younger me. I hate you for what you did to her. I hate you for what I am still working through. This wasn't love. I don't know what it was, but you ruined me. And for what? Taylor said it best when she said 'even on my worst days, did I deserve babe all the hell you gave me?'. What did I ever do to you to deserve this much pain?
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Dear Anon from that bathroom five years ago,
Are you okay? I think of you often.
Sincerely,
Someone who (still) cares.
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I'm gonna be 21 in 23 days and I'm so fucking depressed. I'm supposed to be past this point. I'm so fucking tired.
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#i'm so sorry#i'm still here because i dont want you to have to bury a child#but god#it gets harder every day#i want to go#i want to go so bad
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"It's getting bad again and I don't know what to do or who to tell because I'm pretty sure everyone is already tired of hearing the same thing over and over again."
— I'm sorry I'm at this point again but I'm really trying hard not to be.
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I eat and dont cut my wrists so my coworkers dont realize how severely fucked up I really am.
#trigger warning#tw: self harm#tw: eating disorder#i dont actually have an eating disorder i just starve myself to hurt myself#but i dont want to trigger anyone else#sorry
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Lol ended up burning my hand accidentally anyway kill me
I want to burn myself with matches but I'm scared of fire
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I want to burn myself with matches but I'm scared of fire
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#but i just want to be heard#please#please just#please talk to me#i need someone#i need you#i need anyone#i dont know#im sorry#its fine#im fine
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I want to write I have so many thoughts but mostly I just want to say them to someone but I'm so tired and so fucking sad
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I want to fix this but God knows I don’t know how. I want to be better. I want to be someone worth your love. I want to be someone who isn’t pulling you down with her. I don’t know how. I just. I wish I wasn’t like this. This hurts so much.
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Once I’m done with my lit paper I want to kill myself I don’t know when or how but I want to and while I’m here. While I’m here I just want to love you. But It won’t be enough will it? I wish you could see how much I’m hurting. I wish you could know. So many things. I wish you’d understand. It’s not that I don’t want you I just. Can’t. Take this pain. Anymore. I’m so tired.
#suicidal#i cant anymore#tw: suicide#trigger warning#i love you so so much#but i just#i cant do this for much longer
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Because even if you buried yourself in guilt, you can’t go back and change what happened.
Katherine Fleet, The Secret to Letting Go (via tanya-nicole)
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