#this might get weird podcast
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Tetris Fanart.
I've been playing tetris while listening to horror podcasts. and yeah
#text#art#eyestrain#cw eystrain#bright colors#cw bright colors#tetris#nintendo#god i dont know what to tag this with. i dont wanna tag it with the podcasts themselves cuz that feels disingenuous. swagever#i actually started this piece a while ago. ok yeah looking at the date that was almost 3 weeks ago wow#but i finally decided to bring it back and finish it#ive been getting back into digital art and its been really nice. its nice having finished pieces.#ive been trying to get weirder with my art. like this piece was weirdly 'personal' in a sense#its been my unique experience listening to these pieces of media. the game in the bg is jsut as important to my experience as the art itsel#the looming sense of dread these podcasts give fit weirdly well with the high tension of some of these games of tetris#i wanted to have that sorta weird ominous vibe to it. have even the pieces feel loud and threatening.#and the gameplay being Past the ds itself is something i thought could be neat#ykno the tetris effect? where you play a bunch and then after you see the shapes everywhere;you play it in your mind?#that was part of what i wanted to channel there. but also like; how your attention works with this stuff#i might be looking straight at the ds but my attention is elsewhere; my brain is in another world#the game is still inescapable tho. tetris effect whatever. these stories stick in my brain just as much.#its all given me some. very very annoyingn anxiety. but i have to go back to them. like a moth to a flame etc. hince the moth climbing out#but uh yeah. that set up was my life for a few weeks whenever i had free time.#the main podcast this is about was magnus btw <- not typing full name so im not on the tag#and uh.#objectum#yeah i think. i think yeah.
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oh i can already tell i’m about to have some really unpopular opinions about the edge of sleep tv show
#i remember everyone loving the podcast when it came out#but as someone who was an active fan of audio dramas and podcasts for years at that point the show just. made me frustrated#i realized later after listening to left right game that qcode has this very strange and almost uncanny production behind it#where they get incredibly famous actors to play characters and then bank their marketing on that alone#and the writing is always *almost* good. like sometimes you start to think you might actually be listening to a good show#bc i mean the audio quality and special effects are all stellar#but then the writing and acting is always just a little bit too over-the-top and dramatic for it to feel natural#like the writers don’t know how to portray emotion without visuals so they just make everything Way Too Intense#and each time it feels like they just ask ‘what’s the most insane thing that can happen next?’#’oh ok he’s gonna chop dave’s dick off’#and every time you start to actually like a character they say something misogynistic or just otherwise batshit fucking insane#not to mention that time in left right game where a girl confessed her love to her best friend before LITERALLY DYING FOR HER#only for the best friend in the next scene to be like ‘erm i’m not gay 😐 awkward…’ and she’s NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN#qcode productions are kinda like the fast fashion of fiction podcasts i think#they churn out so many so quickly and they always feel just slightly unnatural or superficial#not to mention when i tried looking into them years ago and it’s impossible to find#literally anything about them. like their minimalist ass website was so insanely insanely vague#and yet clearly they’ve gotta have a fuck ton of money backing them to have this absurd amount of a-list talent on board#(which really i think that is all they care about)#anyways yeah some markiplier fans are gonna get pissed at me for not kissing the ground he walks on. but i was one of you. i AM one of you#and i hate that somebody out there is holding the iron lung movie over us like we’re dogs and if we wanna watch it#we gotta watch this show. which BTW they are giving no details about where to watch it#and seemingly no promotion or marketing material for a show that’s been in production for years coming out in less than 3 weeks#just weird as fuck man. and i don’t even think mark has much to do with it
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I'm not gatekeeping, I just have some gates and I've sort of vaguely known they're there, I haven't kept them and the hinges are so rusty i doubt they'd close if I tried. But, like, for ages all that came through those gates were stray geese and a dog I think belongs to a neighbor but might just belong to himself and of course there's the hunching afflicted wrathbeast. That's just having a garden. Things grow there and random folks stumble in sometimes, mispronounce the names of my favorite varietals, say stunningly inaccurate things about them, and wander bemusedly back out.
As a surprise to probably no one I was a deeply lonely child. No one really got me or what my deal was, so when I found something I loved it was mine and mine alone to treasure. As I got older I found other people who liked 'my' things. Some of those people were horrible! But there was a kinship and it was okay to be a bit horrible so long as we could be odd together. Gardens are resilient things, they tolerate mistakes and abuse. It's absolutely wonderful to share, to dance to the same music, that imperfection becomes part of the joy of it, becomes a unique thing unto itself.
So imagine my shock when there is a garden party that rapidly becomes a festival. No one has ever really been here before, it's been me and the geese and that one dog and a few other weirdos. Suddenly my things, things people beat me for loving, are things everyone loves. All at once the landscape is unrecognizable and if I acknowledge that then I'm being a hipster. I don't mind the festival, it's nice, now it's much easier to get things I need without having to put on my trekking gear and hike out to the one obscure location that has The Supplies. It's not bad, it's just weird. It feels like there is something wrong with me instead of something wrong about liking what I like.
I'm not really talking about one specific thing here, there have been a lot of these moments where what used to be unusual or even shameful is now the big thing. And it's good, it's can be great sometimes even with the unforeseen bizarre bad parts. But there is this selfish little part of me that wants to cling to my unloved love, to put a raggedy LP on a barely working record player and lay on the wooden floor of my childhood home staring at a painting of a ship in a storm that is right beside a picture of a young man in a cap and a too large jacket and listen to sea shanties belted out by people not very good at singing while I drift and drift and drift away on the sound and the whitecaps to a place where there is only this. I love the new versions like a drowning man loves air, I am happy that people have found this beautiful thing and can enjoy it, but there is a tinge to it I don't like. A prick of pain every time I see this joy over my joy, over my joy that I was punished for, humiliated for, shamed for. I'm glad people can love these things without suffering but it makes my suffering seem so fucking stupid.
There is a certain temptation, a bitter agony, that makes me want to hiss like an abused cat and cling jealous to my silly little toys. It's not that I want them all for myself, it's that I can't let go of that little kid with a bruisy eye sulking because no one wants to play with him. It's the whisper of, "We can be friends but only in secret. I don't want people to know I'm like you." It's the enthusiasm that rapidly becomes muted because the whole world is demanding to know why you can't just be normal for once. But that same temptation to lash out is the one that makes me reach out my hand instead, especially to people who are like, "Wow! I've never been to a garden before. I'm gonna screw this up. How do I not screw it up?" because now they're that bruisy eyed kid no one wants to play with. I can't protect the person I used to be by becoming the exact thing that hurt me. Gotta keep the gate open, gotta get used to new things even if it takes noise cancelling headphones and an entirely rational amount of backsliding, gotta wake up every day and keep trying even though the world keeps throwing curveballs that no sane person could anticipate. It's all okay. We're in this together and we're all gonna be okay,
#ramble#personal#it's my birthday#the landscaping folks killed quentin#quentin was my volunteer tomato#my personal support worker might be dead bc we had a meeting at noon and it is 4:30 and zero0 texts#i have an unfathomable sadness to me#it is like a monster sitting on my chest‚ one that is large and heavy#this is the first diary essay thing in a long time but as I said in the post i am backsliding#podcasts are one of the weirdest things I'm a hipster about#because my dad had this crinkly cellophane case full of cassette tapes of the HHGTTG radio play#and another case full of _The Shadow_#which made me the only third grader in possibly the world who regularly used the phrase “Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?”#I also listened to a recorded TTRPG game in fucking 2011#The Drunk and The Ugly#specifically their Little Fears campaign and their Maid RPG one shot#i'm also having basically a weird meltdown over DID and multiplicity for reasons i cannot get into at all#but i am gonna have to tell my therapist that either Internal Family Systems is very good for me or else extremely bad for me#one of those two and zero inbetween#grey areas are for chumps and losers#i do not want to pathologize this one highly specific aspect of myself#only one person remembered it was my birthday#in all the world i am so lucky to have a person who remembers my birthday and cares
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I love that Discord has the ability to be so cozy and close-knit, but I hate that it’s so blocked off from the rest of the internet. And you can’t lurk; you HAVE to be active (or at least active enough to get in in the first place). Ahem anyway. you should invite me to your Discord servers.
🌀 Oooooo you want to invite me to your extremely niche DnDads Discord servers so bad ooooooooooooooooooooo 🌀
…or send me an anonymous ask about my favorite uhhhhhhh? mustelid or something. Ask me for good Lieder on a specific theme.. I’ve been listening to them all day. Maybe this shouldn’t be on my fandom blog???? It has been derailed ANYWAY idk I’m just feeling antsy and rambly hi 😁 How are you HAHA
#theoretically I could make my own#however. too shy#but also#want friends#hueurggh. truly Herculean#I am in one server and I love the people in there :) shout out#😁😁❤️#but I am simply too shy to talk most of the time#and I’m in the Patreon server but it’s TOO scary I will NEVER speak in there 😭#my problem is that I LOVE talking over the phone and in person#I am soooo talkative. love 2 yap#but when I have to TYPE I have more time to overthink#maybe I just need to get into. other bigger fandoms (lol) that have multiple big public servers#usually I like to send long voice memos (the Chalcy Podcast….) but I feel like that’s weird to do with strangers idk#OKAY SORRY WHEW LONG RAMBLE#HI#don’t take this seriously I am just antsy and feel the Urge To Post#also my only human contact for the past semester has been choir 3x a week aaaaand occasionally dnd#🥲 might be going a lil stir crazy#I would get out more but. home cozy comfy and I can pace all I want and not pay for gas#can’t wait to have public transit when I move next semester. rural girl moves to the big city yeehaw 🤠#chalcy stuff
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finished my 3rd ripley watch (from e5 to the end) and i think i have to admit it's just kind of fine
#like in the specific situation i was in last month i was like wow this is really good. and even though i still love the ending it's very#silly and i love when i get to point at the screen and go average weird gay person behavior and i enjoy watching tom ripley be a complete#loser i think. generally. it's compelling because it's ALMOST good but not quite. podcast i was listening to was like it's alright compared#to a lot of netflix's stuff and they're not wrong. might come back to it in the future might not. thats ok#neon has thoughts#tv tag
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Grace and Mamrie play DreamPhone for their patreon livestream.
#grace helbig#mamrie hart#the might get weird#this might get#podcasts#youtube#dreamphone#the 90s#pop tarts
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finding a blog that posts cool art music and fashion: 😁
all the other posts are reminiscent of 2014 "pale blogs", full of "ballet aesthetic" adjacent images, very pale thin women's bodies / exploitative model photography, childish anime girls in sexy poses with meme text over them, and text posts from op talking about dieting and skincare: 🙁
#this might sound extremely specific but i s2g i always see this shit on the blogs that show up on the 'in your orbit' thing#and that's kind of insane considering how much of that shit i have blocklisted and how meticulously i try to filter through before followin#and it's esp disappointing when i see this kind of blog is where a cool mutual of mine is reblogging from#i hate being so closely adjacent to this stuff like COME ONNNN i am trying to live in a bubble over here man this is why i'm not on tiktok#and yet i still can't escape the red scare podcast ass aesthetic contamination leaking onto my dash#like this is why i'm just gonna have to stay on my nerdblogging shit forever because it's the only way i can use social media without#having to be subjected to like weird covert proana posting and unendinggggggg obsessive conversation about 'beauty'#i used to be one of those annoying ass fandomblogger turned normie talking about skincare all day and it was the lamest thing i ever did#get real and start blogging about yaoi before i kill you <- joke#ok i'm getting mad on the internet this is bleak i need to go take a walk and look at the stars and the moon and then delete this xo#hashtag spread love hashtag love wins
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I’ve faced multiple back surgeries with moderate stoicism, still drive despite experiencing a car-totaling mid-speed collision, continued to live in the same town for years as someone who had repeatedly tried to choke me out, and signed up for a 4-hour session for my first tattoo because I was not afraid of the pain…but I am only now voluntarily getting a Steam account because I feel embarrassed to have been afraid to play a video game for twenty seven years. I still don’t know why other than that Video Games Are For Other (“Normal”?) People. I am the kind of person who is Not Allowed To Play Video Games. What kind of person is that? The kind that’s not allowed.
I realize that this is insane. I know literally none of you care whether or not I play a video game. The only thing any of you are likely to judge me about from this post is "being extremely weird about trying to do something many of your peers have been casually doing for fun for years". And yet even posting the words "I am getting a Steam account" to a public forum where people kinda know who I am is requiring me to muster bewildering amounts of courage.
Anyway, the hidden rule forbidding me from attempting to play a video game or talking about wanting to do so is just made up bullshit that doesn't exist, so I will ignore it and do whatever I want. If I realize I want it.
#on the range of Things That Freak Me Out this is probably in the middle#like. having to drive home in the snow last night did grip me with panic for a minute in a much more visceral way#and obviously I was afraid of having back surgery I was just also very practical about it and knew it was necessary#whereas with the video game thing it's like...#like. I don't listen to podcasts because I don't like an audio only format.#I have auditory processing problems and need either text or a video along with it.#so when you guys post about your podcasts I just sort of ignore it like 'meh I know that's not for me'#I don't bother trying to get interested because I know I won't or can't participate#and I also ignore everyone's video game posting bc I know I will never play whatever it is you're talking about#but like...with podcasts I have tried and it doesn't work for me#with video games I have not tried because I Can't. why? Can't. Should Not. Forbidden#however. in this context I am not a special person to whom special rules apply#and I will be playing disco elysium actually.#I might do terrible at it and hate it and that is perfectly fine#anyway. I realize this is super weird#but I figured playing it in secret while continuing to ignore everyone's posts abt it would be way weirder#boring text posts
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Don’t mind me I’m currently getting fucked up on Space Oreos
#shitposting#space dunk oreos#kurt angle#honestly these might be my favorite oreos ever like i’ll genuinely be so sad when i eventually run out of them#like these fucking things have pop rocks and two different colored creme layers in them these are gimmicky but great#now i have CALL ME KURT ANGLE CALL ME KURT ANGLE in my head which no one will get unless you listen to a weird niche pro wrestling podcast
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I TOLD YOU MOTHERFUCKERS IT WAS STILL FEAR I TOLD YOU! /lh
(rant in tags)
#now see it could still be desire#because the thing about feelings is that they’re mushy and complicated#and bleed into one another a lot#but you can see that happening in tma as well.#take simon fairchild and his weird perverse joy he gets in his vast scheming#or like… all of what Jonah has got going on.#essentially my point is that the main focus is still going to be fear.#they might have different labels or categorizations#but the core in it is fear#that’s what makes this podcast a horror podcast#:3#anyways this episode was so exciting#so so excited for this show#tmagp#tmagp theory#tmagp spoilers#tmagp speculation#tmagp 6#tmagp 006#tmagp 06#the magnus protocol
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Honestly the most revolutionary thing about Gravity Falls to me is its commitment to sincerity.
I’ve been listening to Alex’s podcast where he goes into the details of each episode with different storyboard artists and writers who worked on the show, and it just baffles me how… cared for the story is. Right now in media there’s been an uptick in satire, and shows making fun of themselves for existing, or taking the piss at their own content to “win” fans to their side. It’s like whimsy is gone from so many pieces of media. But Gravity Falls just doesn’t… do that. It completely embraces itself. Weirdness and all. And so does the team behind it. I’m not used to something I care about being so cared about by everyone surrounding it.
Here’s this cartoon, written and illustrated by an entire team of people saying, “no, we’re serious. we mean this. we made this on purpose and we made it important.”
Throughout the podcast, Alex discusses little ins and outs of each character, offering so much deep internal struggles and enriching the story even farther. And listening to him unpack it with the utmost sincerity just warms my heart. Each character is so dynamic because they were cared for by people who imbued them with sincerity.
That’s exactly why we get quotes like “Shame is powerful, but it grows in the dark,” as Ford realizes the trauma he’s hidden for so long is being embraced by his family, diminishing it’s weight on him through their immediate support.
It’s why we get Alex describing Stanley with quotes like; “I always in my gut thought of him as somebody with a huge well of sadness, a loss of human connection. And that need to please? That need to get laughs from the crowd, and putting on a big show? He’s trying to get from them the affection he never got from his family, and that he lost with his brother.”
Or detailing how Mabel might be a goof… but half the time she’s doing a bit, because she’s really more mature than her brother and doesn’t want him to grow up too fast. She’s trying to help ground him and bring lightheartedness into his life. Because she knows otherwise, he’ll become too self isolated.
And those two mini character studies he dropped so casually in these podcast episodes just… color the show. It’s why the show survived so well even after ten years. It’s gruff-old Stan always calling his niece “Pumpkin” and “Honey”. It’s the family always holding hands without it behind laced with a joke, and falling asleep on one another in the car. It’s Alex explaining that people toyed with other endings, other plot lines, other twists, but it was always going to end with Stan and Ford mending the family tie they severed thirty years ago. Because that was their story. Messes and family and care.
Ten years ago, watching it for the first time as it came out, I felt all that. But now, as an adult, knowing that all the other adults who made it felt the exact same way? :,) What a special story we all got to grow up with, and get to continue being apart of.
#gravity falls#the pines family#pines twins#gravity falls meta#gosh i’ll never stop loving this show#stanford pines#stanley pines#dipper pines#mable pines#roseys musings
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IT'D BE FINE IF HE SOMEHOW FOUND THE ARTWORK BUT... THE WRITING WOULD BE A LITTLE EMBARRASSING PROBABLY. ONCE I DO MORE OF IT.
#once again the fictional janitor character and the real life human man who makes music and creates the podcast are SEPARATE#i really wish i could just... name the janitor smth else but fsjkl i tried in my brain and it didnt work#esp bc one of my mutuals has an f/o also named julian and i always worry theyre going to think i suddenly started shipping w their f/o#ANYWAYS if that mutual sees this hi LOL i keep thinking maybe i should dm you and let u know this is a very different julian#but then i feel like dming someone about that might be weird so i get scared and just sit here and hope u know fdsjkl#dandy.cmd
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im so glad for the journey that brought me to watching Small Town News: KPVM its like an authentic office but with people genuinely passionate about their jobs and their relationships with one another, i've already cackled twice in like 15minutes. it's a short 6-20 min episode docuseries on hbo
#aka thanks to grace helbig and mamrie hart's podcast#this might get weird#and my going through the backlog#grace recommended this show with such praise i had to immediately get to it#small town news#kpvm#small town news kpvm#pahrump#nevada#even if the sweetly earnest guy vern is a reaganite trumplican lmao#hbo#hbo max#they were trying to produce this show for years#not the news cast but the creators of the show stumbled upon these guys while filming something else in like 2016
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Someday when you leave me I bet this @mamrie 's followed you around
#from the drafts#sucks that Mamrie Hart's Twitter handle is not actually just @ mamrie like on here#taylor swift#awkwardifying life#this might get weird#tmgw#can i get some merch#1989 tv#hey tmgw is probably the only podcast i remember to binge every once in a while#i dont do podcasts cause i forget they're a thing#ydad#who do we think most deserves a drink#wink wink clink clink being this young is art
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International business is officially the Podcast Class
#just started rusty quill gaming it seems fun lol#I have. no attention span for this. the guy just reads the textbook and occasionally goes on rants about how it’s So Important#and then will say something that I personally disagree with like. globally consumers are starting to all ask for the same exact things#which is GREAT if your an international firm cause you don’t have to edit your product for the consumers in that area#but like. idk man I feel like culture is p damn important#and the fact it’s American culture spreading. which really just boils down to consumerism#(I could explain more cause like it’s Not but it’s a decent part but it’s early and I am in class even if I’m not paying attention)#and idk maybe that assimilation is gonna have some Weird Effects on people (again. could explain. it’s early tho)#but he’s all like this is the Greatesg Thing to Ever Happen and I’m just like is it tho :/#anyways hopefully this doesn’t have any super adverse effects on my grade#last year the podcast classes were research methods and data analysis#and I pulled an 115% out of research and a 69.69% out of data analysis#so it could go Really Well or i might have to retake the class. again#although I think they should’ve passed me because it’s kinda a Funny Grade and idk how I pulled it#both in like a. WHATRE the chances of getting THAT and also#I did nothing but sit in the back of the class and listen to the magnus archives like i didn’t even do half the HW and I still Almost Passed#anyways. we’ll see how long it takes for me to get RQG Brainrot#this class is twice a week from 8 to 9:20 so that’s.#like. most of an episode? I think?#yea fun times!!
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