#this might be my new hyperfixation fic...
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UTMV FAE AU: Nightmare takes Dust away for his own. Blue is not pleased by this development. He won't lose his friend to the Fae, and no way in hell is he leaving him behind.
He made a promise, once. He makes a deal, now, and seeks to bring him home.
As he journeys through the Fae Realm, he gets the attention of Summer Ruler!Dream, Spring Ruler!Ink, Autumn Ruler!Error… all who seek to take him for their own gain. But Blue plans to bring his friend home.
#shape of you au#utmv#dream sans#ink sans#nightmare sans#error sans#think blueberror for the 'bad ending' of the autumn court#bunch of other ideas for the other courts too#haha#this might be my new hyperfixation fic...
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I'VE STARTED TO TALK AND ACT LIKE MERLIN, ARTHUR AND GWEN
OH NO
ITS STARTING
THE NEW WAVE OF HYPERFIXATIONS
ITS FINALLY HERE
#its like- every year i need to hyperfixate on a new thing#and last year it was the batfandom hence the 33 batfam works in my ao3#now... i fear it might be merlin#or gf#or dp#or ninjago#idk which#but currently right now#its merlin#its just- *the storyline is so compelling*#*i cant stop watching it*#or reading the fics#i am so utterly and completely doomed#quotidian convos#i was only muttering to myself when i realized
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I pretty much never have dreams about fictional characters, which makes it that much weirder that I've had dreams about soukoku no less than 6 times now
#might be 7?? I've lost count#I'm not even hyperfixating on bsd at the moment. I have ace attorney on the brain#the weirdest part is that they're all extremely in-character too??#the first one was about Dazai wanting a divorce bc he got mad at Chuuya for always interrupting his suicide attempts#and decided to try and push him away to make him stop#but Chuuya was just like ''you can push me away all you want but it won't matter cuz I'll still care about you you piece of shit''#the second dream was some high school AU where Chuuya was asking Yuan where Dazai was bc he stole his textbook and wanted to kick his ass#and Yuan told him Dazai was with his new girlfriend and Chuuya was like#''lol who would want to date Dazai?? I hope they break up soon... FOR HER SAKE OF COURSE!!''#and then spent the rest of the day moping (while refusing to admit he was moping)#meanwhile I've had exactly one (1) sskk dream#and it was about them getting in a fistfight in the middle of a Petco bc Akutagwa had internalized homophobia#and decided everything was Atsushi's fault#which I really want to add to one of my fics bc that's funny as hell#soukoku#original post
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@beannary I FINALLY GOT IT‼️‼️‼️
The sleeve with “RAI?” on it is everything to me
Makes me feel like we’re seeing each other for the first time in 12 years and the comic is asking my name to ensure it’s really me
#gonna go be autistic cause reading this reignited my ROTTMNT brainrot#don’t wait up for me#I have so much I have to get done but like#the rise boys have me trapped in hyperfixation hell again#I say that like I ever left hyperfixation hell#it’s more like I stopped drawing them because I was working on reticent most of the time#but they still consumed my thoughts way more than they should’ve#and I’m still checking AO3 constantly for new fics and fic updates…#and also getting excited whenever there’s anything new related to saving the show#this is your remainder to stream ROTTMNT‼️‼️‼️#save rottmnt#please#it would be pretty cool if you did#might watch some whilst drawing today#sorry 2012 I will finish you soon I promise#I am so sorry for the tag ramble it will happen again
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girl its so embarrassing but i love jonmartin so fucking much i havent cared this much about a ship since like. high school
#NOTHING COMPETES#guys its really bad that i got a new hyperfixation while in a bit of a rough period mental health wise#because MAMA MIA!!! THATS A GOOD ESCAPISM!!#i think i might. i think i might still be manic? its a little hard to tell. it can sometimes last more than just a day for me#sorry im bipolar posting abit#sometimes ur just having a fucking moment#its weird right because like. knowing im manic doesnt stop the manic. like i didnt know but now i do but i cant stop it! i would like to !#but at least i have my escapism lmao#kara stop blogging#ANYWAYS back to jonmartin#yeah theyre literally so romance. for the past several years i havent really been reading romance fics/interacting with any ship fanworks#like art or whatever#not intensely anyway#not out of a dislike? just a general disinterest. not sure why! just havent been in the mood? i guess?#but holyyyyyyyyyy fuck jonmartin is like. you are a 13 year old girl who just discovered shipping on tumblr for the first time again#I KNOW ITS A HORROR PODCAST BUT#LIKE COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN#the characters are just so! FUCKING! GOOD#i also ADORED daisy and basira's dynamic#wough. okay ill shut up now#tma#also these fucking tags are like legit proof that the tags on my personal posts are just full on incomprehensible diary at this point. bye
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the last remaining threads of my sanity are slipping through my fingers rn 🚬 😑
#i'm out of cigarettes i'm incredibly ill and i'm reconsidering my relationship to a certain fandom.#look i'm NOT saying i'm gonna stop the divorce proceedings but uh. fuck. i may have been re reading some of my older works and unfinished#fics and i MAY. i repeat MAY. have some tiny shred of interest posting about st*r w*rs again#motherfucker i'm SO hesitant to speak that into existence and will be absolutley APOPLECTIC if it happens bc i don't fucking WANNA like sw!#i divorced it! i took the kids (my ocs) & filed a restraining order & crossed state lines & broke all contact and yet! and fucking yet!!!!#i find myself in tags i havent visited in over two years on the archive like some beaten dog slinking back home to a shitty master#i honestly hate like. fucking ALL of the shit i've written from then that i reread and some of it was so bad i couldnt even bring myself to#click on it after reading the summary. like. UGH! i have a half baked fic idea i wrote a little for and i think it's more compelling than#any of the literal dogshit i posted back then so i MIGHT work on polishing that up and posting something that isn't actual garbage by my#current standards. all of this is still up in the air tho bc i dont know if the hyperfixation or even the bare minimum lvl of interest has#returned or if it's just fever induced delirium. i've been having INCREDIBLY fucked up bad horrible awful vivid dreams as of late so fever#induced brain fuckery isn't out of the question. sigh. i'm so mad abt this#even if i do regain some interest in the fandom i don't think i'll have any interest in new source material after the mando s2 finale &#tbo.bf sucking ass & the obi show being mid & everything with the ST. i plan on watching ando.r but after that? zero interest in anything#new from sw. so. if anyone still reading this and is getting excited abt me POSSIBLY MAYBE being interested in sw just know i still hate it#a bit and feel like i'm being dragged kicking and screaming back into this mess unwillingly. or it's due to a fever. god i need a smoke#len speaks#that's literally the longest tag rant i've ever gone on. fuck that's a BAD sign
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hello tumblr *flops over and dies*
#today was. smth. ig#after the heart attack i had this morning my recovery exam went horribly bad and i failed my last math exam. yahoooooo#for some reason i don't actually care?? i might fail two subjects and yet i just can't seem to focus on it.......#maybe it's bc i haven't told my parents yet ahahaha...... woops ^^;#ANYWAYS i saw all the other pokemas art and died a bit more and my thoughts totally haven't been rotating over um. yk what#u see it's weird bc at some point of the day i completely forgor himeru had a new 4*..... damn u pokemon hyperfix grrr..........#it's not like my thoughts rotate around hop and marnie 24/7!! t-that's just stupid 😁😁#i just. i recently found this swsh fic and i'm OBSESSED it's the best piece of writing i've seen in my whole life......#AND NOT JUST BC IT HAS BEDEHOP!!!!!! bc it obviously does have bedehop BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!!!!!!!!!!#it's just so...... so............. explodes into a thousand million pieces#ANYWAYS i think i should get going uhhhhh i don't rlly have any more exams so i should be back in the weekend?#if i don't fail maths and language ofc ahahaha BUT I WON'T!!!!!!! SO BYEBYE LIVE LAUGH LOVE BEDEHOP
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y’all ever have a fandom hyperfixation ruined by other fans
#mal's shitposts#i really hope it comes back but i’m kinda broken hearted over it#might leave the server i’m on while i wait for the drama to die down#because i have one chapter left of a fic im posting#but after today i kinda feel like crying just thinking about writing more#this just sucks. i’m gonna be so fucked up if this genuinely broke my hyperfixation#what am i gonna do with myself without it#god what a way to ring in the new year
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Welcome back to tumblr! Hope you enjoyed your break
It was very stressful. Ended up failing the marking period for English, but not by as much as I was failing before. Could still pull up the overall grade by the end of the semester.
#started writing a fic a few days ago. been a while since ive done that.#so far felix is very out of character but he's only gonna be the focus for the first chapter. plus i might go back and rewrite him.#maybe i should wait until the new chapter comes out tho so it's relevant to updated canon#anyway echos started brainrotting about chris in a /pos way so yeah a lot of my break has been rethinking old analysis#started to notice that he's a lot more fun if i get in the mindset that he's not poorly written he's just literally isaac's antagonist#also my siblings have been hyperfixating on DC so i watched a batman series. i think they're very disappointed in me for choosing batwheels.#snowy best vehicle#. what else#oh ive been doodling a nightmare design#been liking the idea of him and dream not being skeletons but dont wanna draw/write them as their canon human designs#because (if i'm correct) they get those designs at some point later in the story. and i don't want to confuse the timeline like that.#so ive been working on concept sketches for a less human design for them. ive also noticed that them being humans in canon actually#makes a lot of sense because the other guardians don't really have any connection between their species and it can be assumed that#whatever they are exists in the universes/multiverse they're from. so it makes sense for the twins to be humans because the utmv has humans.#. but i also like how they couldn't be given the human forms at first because of the lack of holes.#so the design im working on has gill/stripe-looking vents for the energy to come out of.#also gonna try to add little fire wisps into the design because i love their true forms so much#anyway i dont think there's been more that ive done. other than schoolwork. and watching qsmp.#oh i started working on an animatic. but i do that all the time. it'll be a bigger occasion if i finish one lol.#think im gonna still keep interaction on tumblr to a smaller scale because i wanna keep getting stuff done
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I now have four (4) Barry fics I'm planning to try to finish and post by the end of this month, I'm sure this is doable
#i mean one of them might be finished#the other two are almost finished#and the fourth (the longer one i should be focusing on instead of giving into new oneshot ideas but OH WELL)#is getting close but it’s going to take more work#it's possible i don't need to do this in two weeks but#i can't be certain what will happen to my brain when the new Loki season comes out#and i want to make sure these barry fics get posted in case the hyperfixation shifts 😬#barry hbo#barry berkman#fanfiction#em writes#op
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This is real I watched them tweet it myself
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(Marvin tweet originally posted by @seafemme on Twitter all credit to them I just saw it and went hm. Wow. That’s about whizzer for sure)
#falsettos#whizzer brown#Marvin#falsettoland#march of the falsettos#christian borle#andrew rannells#fake tweets#coming up with whizzers response was hard tbh#also it was tweeted on March 22 bc that’s the day they first met in the fic I’m writing so it’s an important day for them :)#I might remake this if I think of a better whizzer tweet tbh#anyways uhh I haven’t hyperfixated on anything this hard in like at least a year and a half if not longer#also in my heart his username is @marv_in_trousers but that was too many characters#I just like the double usage of in#also coming up with screen names for them was hard??? I feel like Marvin wouldn’t get the new fangled tech and would just write his name#also I didn’t wanna come up with a last name yet#sue me#anyways someone pls talk to me about falsettos I’m going ballistic having nobody to discuss it with#I parasocialized with whizzer too hard and now I can’t write him accurately#also this takes place in a weird mashup of their time lines but in the present don’t think too hard okay#memes#original content#twitter
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i wish I could focus on one fic at a time and complete it in a decent timeframe 😭
#it’s so real today too 😮💨#i haven’t even logged into l&ds today either and viewed my new cards since i got them 😖#I might go hit my apartment’s lounge and go get myself a latte later and sit there and play#no one comes in there anyway lol#i just wish i could ✨focus✨ man 🫠#spontaneous hyperfixations are terrible#and for those of you that have reached these far into the tags i have two sylus fics vv close to completion#and i can’t focus on finishing them AT ALL— someone yap at me once a day in my inbox to finish them LOL#and yeah one is angst… 👀👀#kass rambles.
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I kinda forgot how fun it was to write Lila and Jerome's fights ngl
Its kinda painful too but hey this whole fic is supposed to be emotional. I already put in a bit of fluff, buuut we're at the point now where Miah left the circus so Jer is all alone and soon he's going to lose hope in his brother ever coming back for him. And then he snaps and kills Lila and throws his future out the window! ^w^
#I need to write more pre-canon fluff#The little soft moments between them make my heart ache#Protective big brother Jerome >>>>>>#I might throw in a little bonus fluff of Jeremiah reading to Jerome to help him fall asleep#IF I can work it in nicely without messing up the flow of what I've already written#I decided he's reading The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn but I never actually put that in#Oooh I CAN work that detail in actually. That can be what gave Jeremiah the idea for them to run away together#(didn't happen. This isn't a fix-it fic sorry)#Maybe one of these days I'll write an AU where they run from the circus together and live on the streets in Gotham#And eventually they meet Bruce and he offers to help them out#Oooh yes it's been a minute since I started anything new with Brucie#I like a wayleskacest fic every now and then... Call it a guilty pleasure lol#But that is a project for another time#I'm like hyperfixated on Fairytale Ending rn so I might be able to finish it#idle speaks
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I’d completely abandon mcyt and let that hyperfix drown in the bog of nostalgia if it didn’t mean I’d have to abandon only minecrafters I still reliably watch, Branzy and Rekrap
#kyne shouts#like the posters/zine art on my wall is now annoying me#the idea of having to finish my long standing fics is torture but also I can’t abandon my kids#I’m actively trying to throw myself into a new hyperfix but nothing is sticking#and tbh? might be the pills#otherwise we ballin
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As I'm winding down with my OFMD series (and possibly breaking 300k in two and a half months, HOLY FUCKING SHIT), anyone want to suggest a new show that I can watch that will air live over a few weeks, get me greatly invested in characters while leaving enough holes/questionable writing decisions for me to be inspired to write fanfic, then have an absolutely devastating finale that will necessitate fix-it fic?
Asking for a friend!
#ofmd#my fics#fanfic#ao3#pls i desperately need a new fandom to hyperfixate on by next week#i have the need to write but lack inspiration rn#I'll have to crack open my tbr & the books i literally bought the day I started writing for OFMD & it proceeded to take over my life#might be silly and get back into doctor who#or finish one of my dozen unfinished fics#sorry to my power rangers or old guard fans
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I will bite (lol mating bite)
Remus with a best friend!reader who thinks her feelings for him are unrequited
his alpha presentation clicks in when she first presents as an omega - he immediately realizes they’re mates and is delighted, she doesn’t know he likes her and is freaking out that he’s going to feel trapped
🫣.......... okay twist my arm why don't you ;) jk - this theme/trope has been a bit of a brainworm/hyperfixation for me for a few weeks so thank you for indulging me, and sorry to my readers who this might not be their taste! but I definitely had fun with it so you may have to brace yourselves for more of it from me lol
Remus Lupin x best friend!reader who presents as an omega [3.5k words]
p1 // p2
CW: fem!reader, a/b/o dynamics and omegaverse, very soft a/b/o descriptions, SFW [nothing explicit or sexual in this fic], first a/b/o fic I've written so I'm truly just dipping my toes in lol, feelings of unrequited love [but its actually requited]
Loving Remus came as naturally as breathing to you; every inhale was the sweet smell of chocolate, warm sweaters, and worn books, and every exhale was a quiet whisper of “I love you” that you prayed to every deity he couldn’t hear.
Loving Remus was natural, but it was also harrowing; no one chooses to experience unrequited love, it’s simply one of those things that happens upon you.
But no matter how painful the fact that your feelings weren’t reciprocated was, the wholehearted comfort that being around Remus brought you was almost worth the heartache.
There was something in your soul that relaxed the second Remus was near; your entire being unclenched, knowing you were somehow safer, somehow more sound now that he was here.
And you hoped that, if nothing else, you provided the same for him.
The two of you had been friends for years; becoming fast friends in first year over your shared love of muggle literature and the fact that the two of you were a touch more shy than your respective peers.
The friendship never dimmed over time - if anything, it only became stronger with every passing year. No matter how mischievous his new friends were or how much trouble he got into with them around, no matter how many school yard crushes left either of you melancholy, no matter how many failed papers or late night study sessions that turned into heated spats because the two of you were far too overtired to handle anything maturely, and no matter how the moons came and went that effectively waxed and waned the Remus you knew in much the same way, the friendship had weathered it all.
It was one of your greatest possessions - this friendship you shared with Remus - and one of your proudest accomplishments.
And you weren’t going to let a silly crush (or, in your case, your gut-wrenching and undying devotion) ruin it.
Which is how you found yourself walking up the steps to James and Lily’s flat for your surprise party, preparing yourself to be surprised because Sirius insisted they throw you one but Remus knew you hated surprises and had warned you about it prior to your arrival.
You were admittedly not feeling up to a party - the telltale tickle in your throat warning you of an impending cold - though you were sure you wouldn’t have felt quite up to a party whether you were poorly or not. Parties were never quite your thing; you loved your friends, and you loved spending time with them, but that many of them in one place at one time and all for you felt a little bit like torture.
But you knocked on the door which was flung open before your hand even made its second knock and there was a sea of people cheering “happy birthday!” but your eyes - of course - found Remus first, and suddenly, you didn’t think this was torture. Suddenly this was heaven.
“Wha- you guys!” You started, smiling as James gave you a bone crushing hug, eyes never leaving Remus’.
“Surprise!” Lily giggled as she elbowed James out of the way to give you her own hug. “Were you surprised?”
“What do you mean ‘were you surprised’? I still am!” You agreed quickly, embracing Sirius who was next in line.
“Moony told you, didn’t he?” He murmured quietly into your hair, causing you to snort.
“Am I that bad an actor?” You asked him quietly, causing him to chuckle as he rubbed his hand up and down your back.
“No,” He answered quickly, “but he is just that soft on you.”
You hardly had a moment to consider what Sirius had said when Marlene was yanking you from his grasp to pepper your face in kisses as he shook his head over at his friend and started giving him shit for ruining the surprise.
After greeting every guest in attendance, you finally made it to Remus who wasted no time in pulling you into his chest.
“Happy birthday, dove.” He murmured into your hair; and you had sort of wished that the only plan you had for the rest of the night was to stay within his warm embrace.
“Sorry for getting you into trouble with Sirius.” You murmured back into his chest, delighting in the rumble of his laugh you elicited.
“Worth it; couldn’t handle you being miffed with me all night for not warning you.”
You - regretfully - pulled away to shoot him a bemused expression. “I could never spend an entire night miffed with you, Moons.”
Remus hummed noncommittally as he scanned your face. “Any amount of time would have been too much for me- hey, are you feeling okay?”
His face took on a concerned form that you found him too pretty to wear, and you suddenly felt bone-deep distress at having caused it.
“Why? I’m fine; do I not look fine?” You asked worriedly, bringing a hand up to your own face which was perhaps warm, but you weren’t feeling clammy.
The corner of his mouth twitched, though the furrow between his brows was ever present. “You look perfect, as usual, just… are you feeling alright?”
You let out a sigh, looking anywhere but his piercing gaze. “I think I’ve got a cold coming on, I’ll be alright though.”
His mouth pinched worriedly as he ducked trying to get you to make eye contact with him. “We don’t have to stay long then, yeah?”
You snorted as you gave him an unimpressed look. “We don’t have to stay long at the party for me that was thrown in part by you?”
“Right.” He agreed readily.
“I’ll be fine, Rem.” You assured him, patting his hand placatingly. “It’s my party, I can sniffle if I want to.”
And though he didn’t seem particularly convinced, he let you go when Sirius and Marlene announced that it was time to dance.
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You were taking a breather in the small kitchen of James and Lily’s flat when you started to feel slightly worse.
The tickle in your throat had officially turned into an ache in your chest, and your head was pounding - be that from the music, the dancing, the drinks, or whatever flu you were coming down with, you couldn’t be certain.
But you found yourself feeling better as you let your head fall back against the cool wall; your hair falling away from your neck and allowing the air circulating the room to hit your overly hot neck and chest.
Maybe you should try to leave early?
“I’ll check.” You heard Remus announce; your face breaking out into a grin on its own accord as he came around the corner.
“Y/N.” He breathed out. “Are you alright?” He asked, standing in front of you with that damned furrow in his brow again.
“I’m alright.” Now, was left unsaid, but something in the tilting of his head alerted you to the fact that he heard it anyway.
“What’s gotten into you, hm?” He asked slowly; words stilted as his eyes darted across your face, mostly speaking to himself as he searched your form for answers.
“Did you find her?” James called out, causing Remus’ neck to crane as he peered around the door frame; and that’s when it hit you.
Chocolate, warm sweaters, and worn books.
Remus.
His scent.
Your head fell forward as you took a deeper breath, and the remnants of whatever cold you were catching dissipated.
And the whole evening clicked into place; the discomfort, his incessant worry and focus on you, you felt better for a moment because he was near - not because you took a moment to breathe, he could tell you were…
Oh god.
“Y/N.” He said again, alerting you to the fact that he was now standing rigidly still and staring at you imploringly. “What-”
“This can’t be happening…” You whispered, eyes glued to the point just under Remus’ jaw that was so disturbingly close yet somehow not nearly close enough.
“Are- are you…” Remus started, his gaze settling somewhere near your shoulder as he leaned closer to you and took a deep breath through his nose.
As if you scalded him, he went flying backwards from your being - his back making contact with the fridge so violently that it sent magnets flying.
Fuck, fuck! Fuck, he was going to hate you, now, surely? He hated you.
He hated you because he wanted you, but he only wanted you because you were fucking presenting - why? Why now? Why today? Why to him?
He’s never wanted you before; and now he would only want you because he was - what was very clear now - an Alpha and you were, apparently, an Omega.
Fuck.
“Fuck.” You hissed as you pushed the heels of your palms into your eyes until you could see stars.
“Dove-”
“No!” You shouted, pulling your hands away to see him having frozen in reaching out to you, now lifting his hands as if fending off a wild animal.
“Fuck, I need air.” You blurted, and you took off out the front door.
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The evening air did little to quell your nerves and nausea over the events of the night.
To present, tonight out of all nights, in a tiny flat with nowhere to run without causing a scene.
Not to mention the precariousness of your relationship with Remus that you valued over everything was now hanging by a thread.
“You couldn’t have found us a more comfortable place to sit, gorgeous?” You heard Sirius drawl as he (loudly) took a seat on the curb beside you.
“I’m terribly sorry to have inconvenienced you so, Sirius.” You responded dryly.
“You ought to be.” He continued. “This is not how I wanted to spend your birthday party.”
“Oh, fuck off.” You scoffed, elbowing him in the side causing him to sway as if you’d put any real force behind it.
“If you fuck on, you get better results.”
You snorted. “Yeah, and if you fuck around you’ll find out.”
“Mmm, saucy, I like where this is going.”
“Padfoot.” You begged miserably, and he let out a relenting sigh before he pulled you roughly into his side, leaving his arm draped over you as you laid your head on his shoulder.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m sitting on a curb outside.” You answered, earning you a pinch in the side.
“I can see that; I mean, what are you doing out here by yourself? Why aren’t you inside with your man?”
“Stop it, Sirius.” You spat, hastily sitting up and wiping angrily at your face.
“Merlin, you both really are that thick, aren’t you?” He muttered, searching your face like it would somehow answer his question.
“If you’re out here to make fun of me, you can go back inside. I’m humiliated enough.”
Sirius shook his head sadly. “I don’t understand why the two of you are making this harder than it needs to be; you’re both clearly mad for each other, you’re out here feeling sorry for yourself because you think he doesn’t want you, he’s in there feeling sorry for himself because he doesn’t think you want him.”
“He doesn’t want me, Sirius. We’ve always only been friends.”
“But you want him?” He asked then, causing you to put your head in your hands.
“Sirius, please, don’t-”
“Do you want him?” He asked again, more forceful this time. “Simple question, Y/N, yes or no.”
“Yes!” You let out with a sob. “Yes! I’ve always wanted him! I’ve- fuck, I’ve been mad about him for years and… yes. Yes, I want him.” The end of your sentence trailing off as you picked angrily at your nail beds.
Sirius seemed to steal himself for a moment, nodding his head as he sucked in a breath.
“I started calling him Moony before I ever knew of his lycanthropy.” He admitted then; and though you weren’t looking in his direction, you could feel his gaze burning a hole in the side of your head.
Sirius let that sit in the air before he got up and stood in front of you, forcing you to look up at him.
“I called him that because of the way he was always mooning after you.”
“Then why’d he freak? Why’d he rip away from me like that?” You asked - voice disturbingly small as you looked up at one of your oldest friends.
“Why’d you run?”
You let out a sigh and looked at the streetlights across the street instead of admitting “because I’m a coward”.
“I can’t lose him, Pads. I-” Stopping as a painful shiver shook your frame - the cold taking over again now that you had some distance from your…
From Remus.
But Sirius didn’t rush you, he just continued standing in front of you as you struggled to find the words.
“I can’t lose him.” You settled on.
“Then don’t.” He said, toeing your shoe with his.
“It’s not that simple.” You argued.
“It can be.” A voice sounded from behind you but a moment before you smelled him.
And though the rational part of your brain wanted to brace yourself, the rest of your body immediately softened in his presence.
“Well I’m going to go back in and enjoy the kick ass party I threw, so, if the two of you don’t mind…” Sirius said haughtily, shooting you a wink so that you knew it was all in jest and clapping Remus on the back before disappearing back into the building.
You listened as Remus lowered himself onto the curb beside you; guilt flooding through you at the way his joints cracked audibly and at the fact that he seemed to be leaving quite a bit of distance between the two of you that he wouldn’t have even just a few hours ago.
“Are you okay?” He started, and you fought the urge to scoff.
No, you thought petulantly, not only do I feel like shit, I’m also at risk of losing the thing that means the most to me.
“I’m fine.” You responded shortly, fixated on the skin surrounding your fingernails as you refused to look in his direction. “You alright?”
“No.” Remus answered quickly, and you did look up at that.
He was staring at you imploringly, his brows furrowed both with sympathy and perhaps a little bit of frustration.
“Why’d you run?” He asked then.
“I-” you started, though you weren’t exactly sure anymore. “You…you seemed so startled, I… I thought you were upset.”
He seemed to pause as he considered your response; this sort of caution not usual for the two of you this far into your friendship.
“I had just found out that the girl of my dreams was an Omega, and when she was clearly distraught, I was caught leaning in to get a better sniff.” He deadpanned, shaking his head at himself as he looked out across the street. “I startled because I was certain I was going to startle you.”
“I- you’re not? Startled, that is.”
His brows furrowed slightly as he shook his head, turning back to look at you. “Why would I be?”
“But…we’ve never been…more than friends; I didn’t want that to change now, just because you felt it had to.”
“It doesn’t have to.” He responded simply, and for reasons you weren’t willing to think on right now, that sentiment caused something very unpleasant to churn in your gut.
“Nothing would have to change; you could still be you and I could just be me, and that would be fine. Is that what you want?”
He held your gaze defiantly as you gaped at him. “I- but,”
“Is that what you want, dove?” He asked again, a slight force in his tone this time as he turned his body towards yours and his eyes flit down to your lips. “Because it is taking everything in my power not to claim you as my own right here, right now. I have wanted this for so long; so I ask you again, is that what you want? For nothing to change?”
“No.” You blurted quickly.
“No?”
“No.” You whispered, shaking your head as you turned your body to face him too. “No, no. I want you, I need you-”
“Now? You want and need me now, or-”
“Fuck, I’ve wanted you since fourth year, Remus. Since I figured out why I hated Emmeline Vance so much.” You practically sobbed.
“Why?” He asked softly, looking like his lip wanted to tip up into a smile though he was dutiful of your current upset. “Because she fancied me?”
“Because you fancied her.” You corrected miserably. Remus finally brought his hand up to cup your cheek at that, and you hardly had a moment to feel embarrassed at the way you quickly turned your head into his wrist so you could get a better smell of him.
“My poor, sweet girl.” He cooed softly, a sympathetic sound emanating from the back of his throat at the sound that his phrase elicited from you. “I’m so sorry.”
“Please.” You whispered, no longer trying to withhold the desperation from your voice as you kept your nose pressed to the inside of his wrist and your eyes screwed shut.
“Okay.” He whispered back, even though he had no idea what you were begging him for - you supposed it didn’t matter; he didn’t seem particularly inclined to deny you anything you wanted right now.
“Rem-”
“I know.”
“Please.”
“I’m right here, dove.” He whispered, pulling you towards him by your hand as you followed all too willingly. “I’m right here.” He whispered again, nose brushing yours before you closed the distance between the two of you.
The sound of the traffic faded away, as did the tarmac beneath you and the air around you; you seemed to be floating in a vast expanse that contained nothing but you and Remus.
You took a moment to mentally kick yourself as you deepened the kiss - nipping at his lower lip and causing him to smile before granting you access - that you could have been, should have been, doing this for years.
“Ugh, fuck.” Remus muttered as he broke the kiss and rested his head against yours, seeming truly distraught at having to interrupt.
You didn’t even have a chance to ask what was wrong before you heard cheering from above you.
“Fucking finally!” James shouted as he pulled the tab of a party popper, showering the street below his balcony with multicoloured confetti.
“Pay up bitches; I told you this was the year.” Lily continued, holding her hand out expectantly as Marlene begrudgingly placed a few galleons into her friend's hand.
“Oi!” Remus shouted at the group, a protective arm snaking around your middle as he held you closer to him as if he was worried you’d simply float away, “You better pay Pads his fair share then!”
You snorted and shoved your face into Remus’ neck - hiding your face as a ploy to get closer to him without it being nearly close enough.
Remus chuckled as your friends filed back into the apartment and the world returned to its normal volume, bringing his free hand up to knead at your scalp in a way that made you want to purr like a sodding cat.
“Fuck.” He breathed out, looking down at you with an expression nothing short of worship.
“You okay?” You asked then, bringing one hand up to draw a line down the bridge of his nose, simply because you could now.
“I’m perfect, you’re perfect.” Remus pressed, punctuating the sentiment with a kiss before he pressed his nose against the spot on your neck just past your jaw.
You instinctually let your head fall back; his hand tightening in your hair as he let out a sound halfway between a laugh and growl.
“Don’t sodding do that.” He scolded you playfully.
“What?” You asked - half innocently half abashedly.
“Submit to me, you minx.” He explained, booping you on the nose for extra effect. “Let me at least take you out on a date, first.”
A date, you echoed in your head; you had spent a lot of time daydreaming as a girl about what your first date with Remus would look like. You’d always imagined spending the day in Hogsmeade buying sweets and gobstones and books and quills before heading back up to the castle.
This was turning out way better already, though.
“So long as I don’t have to share you with James.” You joked, peering over Remus’ shoulder where you could see James peeking through the curtains before a flash of a camera went off.
“Hm…I’m not sure I can promise that for the first date, but definitely for the second.”
“Deal.” You agreed readily, because really, you’d have Remus just about anyway you could have him.
And you were simply overjoyed to know that he apparently felt the same.
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