#this might be me lying to myself
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Idk if this a shitty take, but I’m making a fnaf insert, cause yeah ofc.
And now I’m wondering,, is fnaf a furry pipeline? It kinda feels like a start.
I don’t know what I’m talking about.. forgive me
#l1m0nad3 original ✨#dumbass thought#fnaf#no but really#you’re telling me that this game franchise about possessed robot animals is what’s making me draw and anthropomorphic thing? that’s what di#this might be me lying to myself
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the urge to change my url to valsiltverses so i can memorialise her vs. my conviction that living dead girl (which my url is a reference to) IS literally about VAL so why should i change it
#🐉#plus i think some people might kill me with hammers and knives if i change my url again. and id deserve it.#and i dont like how awkward valsiltverses is. i have 'liarsmessiah' too but i dont really want to call myself prophet of lies lol.#considering that one of my biggest self recovery projects has been unlearning compulsive lying as a trauma defence mechanism
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“You’re alive.”
#thranto#thrawn x eli#thrawn#grand admiral thrawn#eli vanto#thrawn 2017#the last thing by moomkin has me in a chokehold#HAD to make this#you’re welcome/I’m sorry?#I haven’t done fan art in so long lmao#might digitize this later (my busy ass lying to myself)#my art#art#this pose is based on the rose x tentoo kiss btw. just so we’re clear
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a minute and a half of the Doctor and Donna pretending to be a married couple and being extremely awkward, embarrassing, and quite adorable actually
#doctor who#tenth doctor#donna noble#the tenth doctor adventures#doctor who big finish#from the episode 'no place'#sorry for the lack of transcription; i couldn't find any but i might try to do it myself in the next few days if i find the energy#this episode is a lot of fun and also quite tragic and a bit spooky#i listened to it while lying in bed in the dark and it spooked me a few times
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hi friends hi teo nation i come to you with tail between my legs i am unfortunately still alive
#i wish i could kill myself by the end of the year but the logistics are wayyy off so i’ll be a pest for a while i guess#I would be lying if i said i missed tumblr i really didn’t but yk me i have to change one social media with another so drumroll please#i’ve been posting my moodboards on tiktok literally for me myself and I. Fun activity my pinterest is already gorgeous i was like well might#as well. So yeah whatever i have an oooold queue paused i might restart it again but yeah other than that. Hope everyone is doing well 🫶🏻💞 i#am definitely not but even after i said everyone irl i feel worthless people are like Oh you crazy girl like don’t u get it i am one bad day#from ya knooooow. omfg okay you see this is why i deleted tumblr like actually writing my thoughts like no one cares miss literally no one#you are 26 get a grip etc etc. I should probably answer some asks#tt
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So, signalis am i right? <- utterly deranged abt it
#signalis#signalis spoilers#signalis elster#signalis ariane#signalis fanart#i think im gonna throw up this game utterly destroyed me#im planning to do 1 more drawing abt them. but idk i might doodle these gays from time to time#<-lying to myself. the obsession is starting#checkout my murder drone stuff if you want more consistent content about gay robots!! ^u^#eyestrain#eye strain
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ok fellas this post is really different from my other stuff so i'm putting it under the cut for people who don't care and also because i'm slightly embarrassed
ok so. is it unusual for a girl to want to have a deep voice and a flat chest and a more square face and also feel slightly jealous of men and want to sound like them and look like them
and also is it unusual to want to be all that, but also simultaneously not be very bothered very much by how you look right now or by being referred to with she/her except for sometimes when you think about it too much. because i usually don't think about it except for sometimes where i suddenly just get really sad about being a girl or i'll always have this faint feeling that i am just unhappy about it
and also is it unusual to try to ignore it and go about your life being unbothered by it even though deep down it does kinda bother you but you can't really. like. say anything to anyone because your family won't react well and neither will your friends because they'll think it's weird and uncomfortable. i feel afraid to ever feel this way because i know the people in my life won't react well to it
so like. genuine question please lmk wtf is goin on because i'm unsure if it's normal and i've felt like this for a long time and it's confusing me and i don't even know what i'm going to do with the information once i know i'm just sort of lost LMAO
#vent#ig???????????#it's not even funny (it's a little funny) how the only reason i've like. thought about this was because i am becoming#more and more jealous of actors in the musicals i watch#greaseball when i get you. when i get you#like i know it IS possible play as male characters in musicals or something as a girl if i ever wanted to#but the thing is i want to look like them and sound like them and i want to be masculine#this is me questioning my gender on my fucking cats the musical tumblr blog everybody point and laugh#might delete later depending on how embarrassed i get ARGH#I FEEL SHEEPISH#had this in my drafts for a long time but i'm caving in and posting it because i had a bad night last night thinking abt it#and i need to know. also i'm lying in bed having to get up and i don't wanna so i'm making excuses#anyway again. i'm embarrassed feel free to ignore this is so stupid#ok. being brave about this#i don't like being negative on here. idk if it's negative but it might come off that way and i don't want to be awkward#also idk how sharing it here will help. but i don't really know what else to go to#if nobody got me i know tumblr got me can i get an amen#keep adding tags to this like it's going to change anything. post the damn thing idiot#why am i adding so many tags like i'm hyping myself up in the mirror JUST POST IT
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help i just witnessed a caesarean birth i'm going to throw myself out a window what do you mean they cut into you and then pull AN ENTIRE BABY OUT OF YOU THERE IS AN ENTIRE CHILD IN THERE THAT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A HORROR FILM I HAVE NEVER BEEN QUITE THIS TRAUMATISED BY HORROR BEFORE THIS IS WORSE THERE ARE TEARS FALLING FROM MY EYES RIGHT NOW MY JAW IS HURTING FROM HOW WIDE I HAVE IT OPEN IN A SILENT SCREAM THAT IS A HORRIFIC PROCESS I THINK WE SHOULD OUTLAW BIRTH I'VE NEVER REALLY LIKED BABIES VERY MUCH BUT NOW THAT I KNOW HOW THEY CAN COME OUT I THINK I'LL BACK AWAY IN FEAR YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT'S NATURAL??? IT'S NATURAL THAT WE GROW. THAT? THAT INSIDE US? AND IT COMES OUT? AND STARTS CRYING? BITCH I SHOULD BE THE ONE CRYING. GO BACK IN THERE. BETTER YET, VANISH. NEVER DO THAT AGAIN. I HATE IT HERE. I WOULD SOONER DIE THAN HAVE A BABY IN ME. THAT IS. PURE HORROR. I'M SO UNCOMFORTABLE. CAN I GET RID OF MY UTERUS? IS THAT AN OPTION? I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE. I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT IT OUT OF ME SO THERE'S NO CHANCE OF AN ALIEN TYPE EVENT HAPPENING. I FEEL NAUSEOUS. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS. MY LIMIT HAS BEEN CROSSED. CAN SOMEONE HIT ME REALLY HARD IN THE HEAD SO I FORGET THE LAST 10 MINUTES. PLEASE.
#me watching the emergency workers documentary: this is fine. i'm not a coward. i'll watch them cut people open.#me swallowing hard: i will not look away. it's no big deal. it's just. inner human. this is fine. this is real. real operations. okay. fine#me the second a baby comes out of someone: absolutely the fuck not turn this the fuck off i'm going to throw myself out a window#omg a beautiful baby girl!! no. no. absolutely the fuck not. you're lying. you puleldt tHAT CREATURE OUT#OUT OF HER. A WHOLE CREATURE. THAT'S. A PARASITEOR SOMETHING. WHAT. NO WAY. THAT'S. I HATE HAVING A UTERUS#look i've never seen a vaginal birth either but FUCK ME IT CAN'T BE WORSE THAN PULLING A CREATURE OUT OF THE BELLY#a fucking creature. that's a creature. god. what the fuck. outlaw babies. i hate it#i'm so sorry if this is offensive i'm actually repulsed by babies right now i might need to go throw up
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Yeah no I am absolutely not crying over this. What? No. Pfff. I'm F I N E
#season 1 vs season 4 ARE YOU KIDDING ME?#I've loved them for 4 years now#and soon I will have to say goodbye to them#I think I'm ready but I might as well be lying to myself#dc titans#titans#tv: titans#dcu titans#titans season 4#dick grayson#rachel roth#dick and rachel#rachel and dick#brenton thwaites#teagan croft
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I'mma be so fucking self-indulgent today. I will find some joy even if I have to excavate it from the deepest corners of my soul, god-fucking-dammit
#there's something I've been wanting to do for a while#might as well try to get started today#I need to do something or I'll implode#spent the first half of the day semi-numb semi-on the verge of crying on public transport so that wasn't great#currently recharging by lying on the couch with my dog sleeping in my lap (she asked me for it before I could ask her lol)#I also have this constant urge to randomly buy shit out of sheer frustration and I need to not listen to that voice#so I gotta get myself occupied lol
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i feel like reading/watching mbf immediately means knowing who i am as a person and... i cannot allow this
#you all know that i can't stand gatekeeping and how that's why i bring up what i like all the time in various contexts#but the surprising thing with mbf for me is that i can't talk about it as freely to people who don't know me#because i can't find a way to translate it without having to offer some crucial segment of myself#i enjoy sharing ideas and thoughts more than anything else but i don't like sharing me the person behind them#because i really cherish my individuality as something important in spite of where it takes me sometimes#i don't want to tarnish it!!!! i don't want even the smallest piece of it to be missing because i wouldn't know what to do anymore#i'll stick to typing out thoughts here and to my mom and to my med textbooks#but i must say it feels strangely refreshing to have something that is only my own this way because i always have to put myself out there#and this way i am not giving anyone the opportunity to twist it into something terrible about me#my spontaneous outbursts might ruin this for me though#letters from stephanie*#i dislike that i can't step outside of my own experiences with this like i usually do because art should be shared#this is suchhh a crazy person post#i think i finally get what my dad means when we fight about how i shouldn't say everything i think all the time#he doesn't want me to filter myself he wants me to preserve who i am from harm because stepping up sometimes won't help#who i'm trying to help but it will ruin me in some way even if it just makes me upset#i think that's how he manages to be calm without betraying himself?#he isn't lying he's just saying what he thinks when it matters and to those that matter#like most of the time i am right to single myself out but there is a particular shade of grey when i shouldn't do it#idk this is literally donna telling the dr YOU CAN STOP NOW.#realistically i just need someone to calm me down when my passions turn against me#overly personal post once again i am sooo sorryyyy look away
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I improved my morning alarm
#It was just Heat of the Moment#but *now* it's Heat of the Moment + Dean#and I now will let it go off *solely* so I can fill in the dialogue as Sam XD#If I don't have it memorized after spending almost 40 minutes editing this together I'll be thoroughly dissapointed#If I wake up and its Tuesday again I'll be frusterated but also *religiously* hunting for Gabriel#I bet he was one of the guys who came into the pet store today#sorry I'm getting ahead of myself there lol#WAIT#nononono what if he's my boss#hear me out#ok so I was complaining about not being able to be a hunter because 90% of monsters don't even exist in this world#THE NEXT DAY I have my first shift at the pet store#and let me tell you: that place is HAUNTED#flickering lights; weird sounds; cold spots; objects moving on their own. All of it.#This might be a little crazy but if Gabriel was going to be impersonating *somebody* in my life rn it would be my boss#and if I wake up in a time loop then I already figured it out. I win. And if that's the case: I bet the haunting is fake#If I don't wake up in a time loop I'm actually going to be more disappointed than if I do#I want an excuse to be able to tell my mom “yesterday was tuesday right? but today is tuesday too”#and then she's going to tell me I'm lying so after enough loops I'm just going to start saying all the same words as her at the same time#ohmygod and that would be SUCH a Gabriel thing to do actually#ok so my mom is a Sam Girl and I'm a Dean Girl so having us in the oposite characters' situations would be really funny#especially because I *really* don't like Sam that much#Guys trust if Gabriel was real he'd have a golden opportunity sitting at his feet right now#omg I love this#idle speaks#supernatural#spn#spn gabriel#dean winchester#sam winchester
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I GOT A JOB INTERVIEW? Technically it's the second round, since they interviewed me on the phone yesterday. I know it's likely I won't get this job but like......what if I did???????
#jaytp#if youre keeping count#i got fired 2 months ago#and also still havent gotten unemployment lmaooooo#i actually have a written interview for another company too!#but i dont think im filling it out#bc its asking for a lot of things i do not know the answer to#and im good at lying but not THAT good#dont ask me what the job is for bc i dont remember what he said#something with data#idk#this bitch might become an office person#i promised myself id never do that#whoops
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i started this year off wanting to change myself in a way that would hurt me but now i realize that was a shitty thing to do. but i want to do it. again.
#random thoughts#self-destructive tendencies for the win!! on and off since 2022!!#i've been trying to convince myself i am diseased when really i am not. there is nothing wrong with me.#because it is not severe. i have not been close to death. it's fine. in fact i often do the opposite of what i want#and fail myself every single day. but i want to make myself ill on purpose because without illness what am i.#saying there is nothing wrong with you because there is nothing wrong with you does not mean there is nothing wrong with you.#there is something very wrong with me. but i always want to fix it. but i don't. so i fix it. but it's not fixing.#it's making me better and worse.#might as well project some of this onto my favorite oc clemens because. he's just like me now. languages boy. with a strange childhood#my parents weren't surgeons. my parents got divorced like kristian's. but we haven't moved to a new country because of it yet.#i say yet because it will happen. but this is unrelated to my previous complications.#I WANT TO GET BETTER.#but i really. really don't. because if i do then nobody will believe me.#i wish i could just tell someone. but then they will think i am lying to them.#for now i shall sit in my bed and stare at the ceiling#and stare at the forever closed window and close my eyes as well#and when i open them it will be 12 days later and i will be purified#i love you marina abramović
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Hinata Sora
15
Shoyou’s actual twin with Kenma’s eye color. Smart but chaotic, like really chaotic. Smol. Best friend’s with Akio and Keisuke. He and Toshiyo are good friends too, if he feels too much like a third wheel around Akio and Keisuke he’ll drag Toshiyo into the mix whenever he can. Has a little sister named Kotori. They are bubbly and he and his sister are the light of their parents' eyes. As oblivious as his parents can be about romance, he inherited the same trait and he doesn’t know Ushijimaten is crushing on him hard. The only rebellious thing he ever did in his life was randomly get his ears pierced with his three best friends to which it was Akio’s idea. Loves gaming but isn’t as good as Kenma lol but his imagination is as active as both his parents. Games with Ten too who is way better than him for no good reason. Is smart but Akio often has to remind him to use his brain.
Kuroo Akio
14
Tol emo angel that’s usually the smartest person in the room but lowkey, lowkey has a temper. Has Kei’s features like hair and eye color but a mix of his parent’s looks. Wears glasses but always forgets them, only remembers to bring them if Sora or his parents mention it but most of the time barely listens to his parents. Has strong feelings for Keisuke he just hasn’t decided if they’re positive or negative yet tho they’re bros.
Kageyama Toshiyo
14
Shy and reserved, between Sora and Akio’s heights. Dark hair like Kageyama and eyes like Tadashi and freckles. Friends with Sora only so he claims. Has 99 problems and Haru is like 75% of them.
Bokuto Keisuke
16
Newly 16 tho lol. Has Kou’s wild dual colored hair and Keiji’s eyes. Akio is his best bro and he’s really close with Sora too. He and Akio dance around eachother as Sora puts it. Has messy hair to his shoulders and refuses to get a haircut. Heart of gold, head empty tho. Drags Akio into social situations, likes gaming as much as Sora.
Sawamura Himawari
16
Has Suga’s soft features and hair color but Daichi’s eyes. Manages karasuno's boys volleyball team. She’s tired of the boys wanting more girl friends. Her and her siblings are her parents’ world. Has a crush on Akio’s sister she thinks no one knows about.
Ushijima Ten
16
Looks a lot like Ushijima but can have Tendou’s wild side when it comes to Sora. Has a smol crush on him everyone but him knows about. Is naturally good at anything he tries and shows Sora how to game better. Shinji’s his best friend that encouraged him to spend more time with his crush through online gaming.
Iwaizumi Haru
15
Looks like Oikawa but has dark hair like Iwa, has a tol crush on Toshiyo. Has dual extroverted personalities that neither of his parents can quite attribute to themselves exactly.
Shirabu Shinji
14
Looks a lot like Semi with his features but is a prodigy but lazy. He can be as sassy as Shirabu on the rare occasions he’s pissed off tho. Ten is the only person he knows that he hasn’t clashed with at one point probably also because Ten is rarely if ever bothered enough to care. Clashes with Haru whenever they are in close proximity of each other. Also has a problem with Miya Yukio but doesn’t know it’s just because he’s crushing on him. Can always tell the difference between him and his twin and the fake triplet cousin.
Sakusa Ame
16
Calm Ambivert who is mostly unaffected by the thought of germs but feels closer to his uncles and cousins than his sibling and parents because he feels he saw them less growing up. Looks more like Atsumu and can get mistaken as a triplet to his twin cousins. Good friends with Sora and Keisuke.
Miya Yukio
15
Him and his twin Yushiro take after Osamu and their uncle heavily in looks along with their cousin Ame. It almost scares the adults. Is cocky when he’s annoyed, reserved and intelligent. Gets along with Sora and Keisuke surprisingly well. Clashes with Shinji in one sided beef on Shinji’s part.
#was tired of not seeing a silly next gen haikyuu cast with Kenhina so I made up one myself lol#haikyuu!!#haikyuu#Kenhina#kurotsuki#bokuaka#semishira#osasuna#might make some kind of fic about them idk even if it’s a text story I like to watch on YouTube but on ao3 lol#this is what haikyuu has done to me#sakuatsu#iwaoi#ushiten#daisuga#the rich rich Kenhina’s babies are lol#don’t even know the ship name for kage and yams so I won’t make one up lol#it’s so interesting how twins can make cousins that also happen to look like twins lol#suna really wonders how both the twins’ genes dominated his and sakusa’s lol for cousins to look like triplets#tho his babies have his eyes…sort of lol#later on….Akio: *carries Sora bridal style dumping him into Ten’s arms* I believe THIS belongs to you#Ten:*accepts his boyfriend and whatever chaos he caused to befall on his dear friend* ah so it was your turn Kuroo-san? wasn’t sure#of it would be you or the other two 🥱 let’s go babe#Sora came up with the nickname Bokei for Keisuke and it caught on at this point only his family and Akio still call him Keisuke and he’s#really caught off guard if anyone outside of them does it akaashi and kou thinks it’s the cutest nickname in the world tho#Shinji: whenever I think of you I gag a little more each time#Yukio: Really? I don’t think of you at all#Ame: *thinking to himself* my cousin is really good at lying through his teeth surprisingly#hinaken#yamayama
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#maybe im a lil dumb but i dont get the whole lilith debate#i was born a jew#u tellin me the circumstances of my birth grant me the privilege of naming myself lilith?#and ive thought about it#i might#but it gets me thinkin yk?#what if i never engaged with judaism?#i do and i might want to do it more#but what if i were an agnostic jew?#what if i wanted to name myself lilith but i had bad experiences with religion?#what if i even resented my jewish upbringing?#what is the qualifier here?#what makes this suddenly ok?#how devout would you say id have to be in order to make naming myself lilith socially acceptable?#should i be practicing kabbalah?#would i be villified for questioning this?#maybe i disagree and believe lilith is perfectly acceptable a name for a gentile trans woman?#wouldnt it be antithetical to the exploration aspects of judaism to deny a differing opinion?#but i can certainly see myself being harassed for that opinion#probably accused of lying about being a jew#who knows?
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